#feeling less lonely or whatever

[wikiangela]

mushy end of year post alert lol

so, bc it's the end of the year, over the last few days I've been just thinking about this year which just overall sucked, but tumblr and writing have been the only things bringing me joy and I'm just so grateful to be here

I've technically been in the 911 fandom since February/March 2021 (I binged the show and caught up between Buck begins and jinxed haha), but it's only this year that I actually got over my tagging anxiety and overthinking, and worrying about being annoying, and started tagging people and interacting more, and started just actually being here and not just lurking lol

I've been writing buddie since March 2021 too, just much less than now, bc I was in my sambucky era haha - but then I did fictober2022, and s6 was airing at the time so I was back in buddie mindset, and I wrote like half of the prompts for them - and then as I was finishing my sambucky 150k fic, I got the idea for the buddie holiday fic, which I started posting in December last year. instantly the reception of that fic was more than anything else before, it's still mind-blowing, and then I kept writing buddie, and now I can't and don't want to stop haha

tbh it's been kinda insane and when I think about it too hard and too long it gets overwhelming, but the love on all my fics, so many nice comments, it's been crazy! and to add to that the way my follower count grew this year, not to mention user subscribers on Ao3 is just 🤯🤯🤯 I'm still always surprised that more than one person enjoys my fics so every time I look at my stats I'm just shocked (that one person being me tbh, I started to really love my fics this year and I reread them all the time 😂 which is another great thing that's changed somehow, bc I used to never look back at my fics haha)

and above all, I met so many amazing people, and whether we talked once, talk from time to time, or just interact in tags/notes, I appreciate all of you so much ❤️ I'm still shy and introverted and don't start a lot of convos and can't keep up a convo to save my life but I always love talking to everyone ❤️😂

I've been in many fandoms over the years but 911 fandom has been the best experience for me - it might just be my little bubble over here on tumblr but either way, I love it, and I love all my mutuals and everyone who follows me, and it's just been a really fun year over here on this hellsite, and tbh it might be the only thing keeping me from breaking down atm lol - this is the first fandom where I truly feel like I belong, however silly it might sound haha

the amount of support on my fics, and the encouragement, all the comments, it's been truly unlike anything else in any fandom I've experienced, and it's been so motivating to keep writing too ❤️ I honestly don't think I'd write as much as I did this year if it wasn't for y'all

so @ all my mutuals and followers, thank you so much for making my year so much better by just being my pocket friends haha <3 i love you all <3

[lovedazai]

if uve ever sent me an ask on anon i love u w my whole heart

[willgrahamsleftear]

shoutout to when I mansplained saw to my ex boyfriend for over an hour because he called it boring

[freckliephil]

theres something about gaming videos that bring out this unfiltered silly goofy version of dan that ive been missing so much and i cant even put into words how comforting it is to just have this version of him back all of a sudden. i may cry

[soldier-poet-king]

hehehehheee you're watching arcane >:]

IM DYING

I'm 2 EPs in and I KNOW there's an angsty timeskip coming up based on the trailer and a handful of spoilers I've seen and I'm already dying

It was rec'd to me by several people, and I love a fucked up sibling relationship, and truly vi and powder/jinx are delivering on that. And I'm just. Obsessed with vi a bit. Also the music. The animation. The magic steampunk setting. It all slaps. Already love this shit.

AND THEN THE GO AND GIVE ME VIKTOR???? Literally fits all the criteria of a Character Made Specifically For Me to obsess and cry about and project on and just. FOR ME. HES FOR ME. Feels a little like Caleb showing up in cr2 in 2018 and utterly changing and saving my life.

Truly. I've had him for not even a full episode and I'm already full brainworms. I can't be normal about anything, apparently. This is fine :)))

[caruliaa]

literally so stupid that i care so much abt if people like me bc u shldnt and in trying so hard not to but i do !!! becuase i want friends in general and to be friends with specific people but i just get so caught up in the anxiety of that and putting in an effort to develop friendships with ppl who probably literally dont care much either way when i shld just be myself and the people tht want me around want me around and the people that dont dont. but instead i care soo fucking much.

[blurrycow]

i think sometimes five feels alone.

Not the haunting alone that was in the apocalypse, but a strong-boned one just the same, hollow and empty and wanting to be filled. he is a void waiting for someone to jump in. For someone to discover what’s in there.

to give him a chance.

And he knows he’s not alone, knows he has his dumbass siblings and he can always talk to them, but he cant, not really, because they woudn’t listen or would turn it into a conversation about themselves and he really can’t deal with that right now. 

He wishes he could turn to Dolores, but she isn’t here.

There’s no use in wishing for something you’ll never see again. And five is probably never going to have Dolores back in his arms for the rest of his life.

He’s not bold enough to join his siblings in their beds at night, so when he feels hollow and sad and empty and the morning is on the rise, he stacks the spare pillows from his wardrobe behind his back and he can almost pretend that someone is there, comforting him. 

It’s a nice feeling, but nowhere close to the real thing. The pillows lack heat and feeling and elbows and knees and warm breaths on his neck. 

He needs reassurance that they’re alive. 

So one night, when the chills and the thoughts and the silver knives come in harsh, so harsh that he can’t stand to be alone anymore or he thinks he might just go insane, he creeps down to Viktor’s room and knocks on the door. They moved his room so it wasn’t the size of a closet anymore, and it’s farther than it used to be, down the snaking, winding hallways. 

Viktor answers the door, eyes weary from sleep. But he can see the silent question in his brother’s eyes, and without saying a word, moves his body and gestures to let five into the doorway.

the bed isn’t as comfortable as it used to be, but it’s still home and it smells like Viktor, who is alive (Alive!) and Five can hear Viktor’s heartbeat and feel his warm skin through the covers, and it’s the most relaxed he’s let himself be in years, so Five falls asleep, heavy in the knowledge that 

Viktor

gave 

him

a 

chance. 

[pepprs]

ok i took a nap sorry for miseryposting

[shevr]

I need you to know you're a delightful, funny person, a talented artist with a hard-won skillset, and a sexy elite gamer

i HAVE nearly finished elden ring so like...yueagh... maybe you're right

thank ye ♥♥♥

[rithmeres]

staring at a text from ryan that i cant open because i announced my move publicly today and opening it means i have to answer and answering it makes it real that i only have a month left with my friends of five years and it is completely my choice to move away to be with my family but im on the verge of tears every hour because even if it’s the right choice to make it doesnt make it any easier and even though im moving away from my friends im already so lonely even living near them so maybe all this justification of family and finances and the pursuit of a dream wasnt the whole truth i think all i really wanted is to feel less alone

[iggy-hands]

honestly I think Ed would melt if Stede just started casually calling him terms of endearment in different languages, and when Ed asks what they mean and Stede excitedly explains Ed would dissolve completely.

Stede is thrilled to pour over his collection of Latin poetry for inspiration, and even more excited to explain the meanings and context to someone who actually wants to listen.

[variksel]

hi im about to start uni and im insanely nervous, i havent made a friend in 7 or 8 years, asking as a probably neurodivergent somebody how do you guys script conversations? how do you make yourself sound interesting and not boring as a plank of wood? what would be some good conversation starters, in which contexts and how would you use them? id really appreciate some comments thank u guys sm :]

[mousegirl-cheerleader]

The unfortunate cycle of Get Sad -> Feel Desire to Self-Isolate -> Get Lonely -> Get Sad

[whimsyprinx]

do y’all think stars are happy