#feeling sad everyday rn
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List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the ask box for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you. get to know your mutuals and followers! ✨🍄✨
wow, this is kinda hard rn...
but i think good music, good food, my favorite people, sports and being alone (and cryin' my fuckin' heart out).
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The thing no one ever considers while writing up character analyses about Merlin is that. he must have been sooooooo sleepy.
#I see everyone talking about the nuances when you look at Merlin through [x] lens#BUT WHAT ABOUT THE SLEEPY LENS#WE CAN’T KEEP SLEEPING ON THE SLEEPY LENS#(can u tell I'm exhausted)#see this reads as if I'm joking but I'm actually being SO serious. I think the lack of rest was a significant factor in Merlin's conduct#IF he got a solid 8 hours of sleep + 2 hours minimum JUST to himself everyday uninterrupted... I just know things would turn out different#like it isn't even asking for much. decent sleep + a frankly sad amount of down-time. and yet. I know he didn't get that w those 3 jobs#ugh#he must have been TIRED do you hear me#even applies to morgana she looked tired tbh. those prophetic dreams probably weren't great for restfulness. sad what she did but#she did seem sleepy#okay ignore this I am going through it. extrinsic intrinsic coagulation pathways have gotten to me if u know what I mean#actually wait no if anyone sees this don't ignore it#HE MUST HAVE BEEN SO SLEEPY and everyone must understand. SLEEPy.#I hope I do not wake up and reread this and wonder why I posted this. but like I feel like I am the correctest person on planet earth rn#I've been thinking abt merlin's nap deprived state for years now tbh#merlin#bbc merlin
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More trailer stuff yayyyy
#animaniacs#animaniacs season 3#animaniacs fanart#pinky and the brain#pinky and the brain fanart#patb#patb fanart#gay mice#fanart#doodles#I kinda feel like him rn tired and probably a little insane in the sad way lmaooooooo#sorry for uploading nearly everyday I work sm faster with a sketchbook than digitally
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silly oc doodle..... ballroom yuri
#ocs#ok so im gonna ramble/complain in the tags for a bit bc i love to complain its mostly not even gonna be relevant to the ocs but anyway ok#yknow that diagram abt art skills thats like ability to see/ability to draw#im at the BAD PART OF IT RN#i wanna draw fanart so bad but then i get annoyed bc the fanart doesnt look as good as the source material GHRG which is a totally#unreasonable thing to think bc source material is drawn by Professionals but you know how it is. Art Hard etc etc complain etc etc#need to do more studies etc etc#i wanna be able to draw really good so i can draw the things i love!!!!! even if its hard and tedious i wanna practise!!!! i love art!!!!!!#dont think about whats easy think about whats fun - bokuto koutarou etc#anyway everyday i am sad i have to sit in front of a desk for 8 hours instead of practising drawing :( i wanna table at a con this year....#but is there even time.....#ANYWAY this is somewhat relevant bc in an effort to be less hard on myself mayhaps i will try draw more oc things so i dont feel pressure#(self imposed)#to make it perfect kjskjkd#or at least not as much#and hopefully get over my brain's tendency to Compare Everything#i have like 3 vague sets of ocs (one less vague than the others ive posted one of the characters from that on my main art blog before sjdks#these two are from the next less vague set there is a plot premise and some side characters too. shdks#i thought abt them a couple months ago but then i watched strictly ballroom w sophie n i was reminded of them again#anyway im not good at coming up w fully fleshed out stories i just like to doodle ppl n think of random connected scenarios sometimes sdjk#i did a mini free online life drawing course in the break n i tried to apply what i learnt here.... i will keep practising when i can.....#well. if u read all the way to the end. hello :) KJASKA#im going to shower....
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can’t believe how much i love this boy sometimes 🥹
#he deserves an award today … and everyday … for dealing w how irrational i get sometimes 🥲🥲 FR#and just rn while taking a nap on my lap he woke up cos he heard the rain from outside#and he said rlly groggily like half asleep ‘it’s raining’ and i rlly went 🥺🥺 i think#so cute 🥺#5+ yrs icb i’m still like this !!!!!! r u kiddin me !!!!!!#i feel like it just grows more n more every year …..#he is part reason why my weekend was kinda sad#bc i had so much fun this yr having him around#that the thought of being ldr again w him next yr makes me a lot saddee than i thought it would#lovebug#sorry to be all mushy#i talked so much again
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✉️
#brain's so silly#because i keep being so sad abt how we talked everyday last year#but now i cant even bring myself to reply to him#like he messaged me over a week ago lol#and im just... i keep not wanting to open his messages#idk why really. idk what my brain's doing but all i know that talking has gotten so hard rn and i just#feel stupid and pathetic for whatever i say#so i never know what to say anymore#and i keep avoiding talking to her :<#i miss talking to him but idk i just actually feel so stupid lmao
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Thought of making a post abt my struggles with communicating and getting my thoughts out in words. But then i was struggling too much abt how to word it so it made sense, so i gave up
#it can be so so tiring to try to squish my thoughts into words sometimes#it just doesnt feel natural and it never represents them good enough#everyday i wish for somekind of mindreading so others could just get what i was thinking#but instead i have to struggle everyday to not even do my thoughts justice#its so frustrating to just sit and try to get something out#often my mind just blanks and i cant grasp any words#its so humiliating bc ppl just assume im kinda dumb or stmh and i cant even prove them wrong cuz i cant translate my thoughts properly#i wanna tell ppl abt my struggles so they can understand#and also so they dont make fun of me anymore for it#but then i have to get the courage and also be able to explain it properly#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa#its so weird i can usually get my point across (like rn) but it doesnt really feel like my words#talking for me mostly feels like clipping out a newspaper and then assemble all the usefull words k could find into what i want#i really really wanna try to unmask more#and just own the fact that im actually disabled#okay now im just rambling i think#point is im frustrated and sad that mindreading isnt possible
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#alright these tags are super embarrassing but i needed to rant publicly so uh. you can read this but please don't perceive me too much#it is so fucking exhausting having nobody to share my life with#i have literally zero friends at this point bc ever since my grandpa died i've pretty much stopped trying to keep in touch with my hometown#friends and i cut off my 'friend' group that were racist assholes who treated me like a doormat back in october and haven't really made any#close friends at college since. and i just fucking hate that this is the same way i've felt for so many fucking years like you'd think it#would be bearable at this point and i'd be used to being alone and for a while i honestly was but it just hit me tonight how fucking lonely#i am and how tomorrow i have to keep on just doing the shit i have to do in life without anyone to talk to and share it with#other than my mom who's been pissing me off lately so i've been pushing her away too!#it's so tiring to have to go out and do things and have responsibilities everyday and not being able to share that with anyone idk it makes#it feel almost like i'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders which is SO dramatic i know#like today i wanted to talk about the stupid false alarm gas leak thing with my sort of friends in this club i'm in but i didn't get to talk#to anyone at the meeting bc everyone was just talking amongst themselves in their little groups of best friends and it just reminded me that#i don't have that and i've never fucking had that i've only ever pretended i had that#it's like all these years i've been pretending to be a person that has friends and knows how to live life normally but i never have#more than anything i just miss my friends from home bc they're the closest i've ever felt to having friends that are like family but. i#don't know how to talk to them anymore. i didn't tell any of them when my grandpa died and i think they just assumed that i've moved on so#they've probably moved on and i already know that they have their own lives and friends at their schools that are a lot more full than mine#wanna know the worst part about all of this? i just had therapy and basically told her everything's fine#and i won't meet with her again until 3 weeks from now so literally the only person i can talk to about this right now is my mom#which i am absolutely not gonna do bc she's gonna get so scared and worried for me and i can't have that rn#anyways yeah. this isn't even that big of a deal like i haven't had friends for at least the past 6 months it's not like anything's changed#i just feel extra sad about it right now. i need a distraction stat gonna go watch watch some tv goodnight#shut up hanna
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my manager talked to me today and i am so sad fr 🤩🤩 I’ll probably end up leaving Kroger unless a miracle happens. I really liked the liquor store and it felt like my life was falling into place but i should never ever think that about my life
#I am bein poopy rn#let me be poopy and then I’ll eventually find the light#rn tho I am sad#and stressed#I just want things to work out for once in my life#I do t wanna do fucking clicklist three days and then some liquor store#I’m not necessarily sold on closing everyday but I’ll do it and maybe I’ll like it#probably not tho#I’m gonna start looking for jobs#I honestly feel like the universe just wants me out of Kroger and I always stay#maybe it’s finally time#idfk#this sucks#there is absolutely not shit in Georgetown kentucky#like parents could not have picked a worse place for me to be born#there is not SHIT in this stupid ass town#and once agasin I don’t wanna go to fucking school but my family has saved money for me and that also sucks#I wish I could use it as a stepping stone or something but no#it’s like education or nothing#idek how to plan for my life sometiems when it feels like everyone already planned the shot for me#fucking goddamn bro
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The desire to drop out of college and never go back is so fucking strong… but I can’t quit something without feeling bad about it for a decade later so I really don’t know what to do
#shh shut the fuck up ollie#sorry my brain is just fuzzy and fucked up rn#I have a break coming up soon but like I have three research papers due by the end of the semester and I really just don’t wanna do this#it’s like the impending feeling of dread and doom yk#and like I know I should go back to therapy bc I’ve been feeling like this since idk August I think?? maybe April of last year??#I genuinely think I’ve felt like this since high school consistently and that fucking sucks#because I love that I’m going to college where I am and I got friends but like I’m only here for the fucking film program not all the extra#so I just have to suck it up and get it over with but like I just wanna edit silly little movies not discuss Alexander the Great or#the concept of garbage in society or fucking Scottish imperialism#like I went to college for film not everything else and I just can’t get myself to give a shit anymore#and I’m just sitting in this spiral of shit where I can’t claw myself out of no matter how much I try I’m just in this bottomless pit#and I can’t escape it and my mom just keeps giving me an attitude for not being this cheerful bitch but I just don’t have the energy anymore#and I keep leaving school early because I have such a long break on Tuesday and Thursday so what’s the point but I can’t do that#because I have to pass and to pass I have to go#but I just always feel like shit it’s like an underlying feeling and every time I try and talk to my parents about it#it’s like stfu what do you have to be sad about you’re going to college getting to experience going into the city everyday but I just can’t#I can’t pull myself out of it and talking about it with my parents just feels weird but I can’t talk to anyone else either so I’m just#sitting here waiting for SOMETHING but I have no clue what that something is ykk
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#i’m thinking of unhiding the mods w conversions#the sims outfits abd hairs#but nothing else bc going back to MR rn really fucking pisses me off#*ME#i’m genuinely upset and mad but there’s nothing i can do about it rn#it does make me sad having to hide my mods bc buff shep is so important to me#and ofc not just me but to so many ppl in the community bc of the lack of body diversity in the game but damn#ugh#i havent moved past some feels about them and i need to move on before unhiding all of them#but i’m so upset that s fun thing for me is no longer fun and makes me so fucking mad#😭😭😭#but not knowing what i can/can’t release has put a damper on things and motivations as much as that sucks 😔😔#i mean life has to come first too so that’s another factor bc modding was def taking up too much of my time everyday#bc i clearly don’t have a concept of healthy boundaries#i’ve been so busy and so ugh and AHHHHH#sorry i’m just so tired and sad recently and so i’m really negative and harsh on myself and thoughts rn#just kill me now pls#personal
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#sometimes I wonder if I’m as healed as I think I am#one day last summer I just woke up sad and it feels like I’m still waking up sad#there’s been a lot of good things that have happened between then and now#and I’ve created some memories that I keep v close to my heart#but if I could just hit pause on life rn I would#just a break to sleep and read and experience life w out any responsibilities or bills#like if I’m healed and have been in therapy for so long then why I still got MDD my guy?#I know why. I just need to be able to have the energy to do those things and I just do not#cuz of the MDD lol like it makes no sense#on top of all that#I’m not even a full 2 months in to this year and I’ve had like 1000 beginnings and endings already#honestly what I’m really worried about is that by the end of the year everything would have worked out#and I wasn’t able to be present enough to enjoy it and cherish it and truly appreciate it#sometimes I wake up and I’m so in love w the world#and sometimes I wake up and I can’t understand why I’m doing all this when I’m going to die one day#I just want to wake up everyday happy ya know#anyways.
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WAIIIIT omfg you guys :(((( i just went on my sideblog to check and see how all my ladies are doing AND THEY'RE ALL GONE. THEY'VE BEEN BANNED :((( *sniffles* i miss you already bigtitjennifer
#( ˙ⱉ˙ )🗯️ — 𝐃𝑬𝐀𝐑 𝐃𝒊𝐀𝐑𝐘. . .#i was getting followed by them everyday#and now they're not even in my notifs anymore#this is rlly fucking sad#i feel like denji rn
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#Cade.vnt#Existing nd being alive is awful I've decided.#I don't wanna keep doing this anymore. im tired of all this.#Wnna be happy n try to be but it never lasts. i'm just tired.#nothing makes me happy anymore and i've hit that wall where Iv can't bring myself to do anything at all#i'm tired of functioning. tired of waking up everyday n have to feed mysrelf and take care of myself.#i dont know what to do anymore.#i wanna be like `i'm ok tho! its fine!!' but it Really Isn't rn and it hasn't been getting better and I don't know what to do anymore.#i'm sorry i'm sad all the time. i wanna do things and talk to people but i am always tired.#feel like im just taking up space and bothering people anymore and I'm sorry.#anyways idk what i'm doing anymore. 👍🏻
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ahh.. I have tickets for a small music festival tmr which I went to last year + had a whale of a time but this year theres only like 2 artists I wanted to see but they released the schedule a couple days ago and neither are playing before 9:30pm. since I don't live local anymore I'd have to leave to travel back home around that time or I'd miss the last train... and there's not rly anywhere I can crash overnight there (and I was planning on going alone anyway like I did last year). so I think im gonna have to let this one pass me by :-(
#its not the end of the world like theyre not artists i LOVE love just ones i know and like a few tracks of#last year i had so much fun bc one of the artists there was an all time fave of mine. but yeah im not missing out on that this year#but its still a shame. i miss living there and being able to walk to gigs to easily like the music scene was so up my street!!#and i was kind of looking forward to it. but i shouldve planned it further in advance if i was serious abt going#i just didnt think theyd BOTH play so late???? i swear they had an earlier schedule last year#i guess i could just go and mill around some of the shows earlier in the day even tho ive skimmed most of them on spotify and theyre-#not rly my thing. sigh#im v tired + starting to feel quite sad this evening for some specific reasons i dont really want to think much about bc it is what it is#so its hard to imagine going out and having fun tomorrow. maybe ill just aim to get my chores done instead and see how i feel after that#i might fix my bike up and check the other local climbing gym out bc i havent visited that one before and itd be nice to mix it up#and i need to go out on the bike at some point this weekend so i dont build up anxiety abt it after yesterdays crash. hmm#man. its hard trying to do things solely for my own enjoyment sometimes. im usually pretty ok at making myself do it#and im grateful that i am! but i think im just feeling quite lonely. and not in a way where being around other people rly helps#like its more of a core thing. i feel kind of unseen by people in my life at the moment and that makes me feel like im not quite real#and i dont really know what to do about that. i think its why im still on my discord hiatus i just dont really have anything to say rn#ive felt this intermittently throughout a lot my life i think. but most of the time i can distract myself from it enough not to notice it#and i put the effort in socially regardless + usually when im in the moment it doesnt matter. but the stretches inbetween those moments..#its not unbearable and i dont feel that depressed at the moment either. just a bit lost i guess. i know itll pass eventually#but yeah it just keeps nudging up against me bc im feeling every little misunderstanding and slight quite keenly atm#ahh.. well its okay. ive never really needed much anyway im good at taking care of myself and thats enough to get by#ill do something nice for myself this weekend one way or another. im gonna go take a long shower rn i think and then read a bit#ah and i said i didn't rly want to think about it! but i guess i did... well i feel like i exist a little more for typing it out anyway#okay yes shower time now :-)#.diaries#maybe someday ill have ppl in my everyday life who i do feel seen + safe around. a girl can dream.. i have a lot of work to do before then
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🍡
#im feeling very sad and low today :((#last year.... i was lonely bc it was the first midsummer my sisters had stopped speaking with me#but i had him. and i messaged with him during the entire day#and i sent him pics of my outfit and he complimented me#said it was pretty and that he liked my necklade and that my dress was nice :(((#i just loved talking to him so much#i miss it a lot like so much i feel empty and hollow without it </3#i can talk to others... and ofc i always appreciate nice things and compliments and messages from people. i really do#but it's just that thing when you are deeply in love with someone and they dont want you#when you're in love everything from that person is like pure liquid gold#so even if im happy that other ppl are nice to me#it's still like... compliments from him just made me come alive and made me so happy#getting attention from your crush and love interest is so special....#plus i just love like everything about him and i loved the way we talked :(#i just feel so empty and hollow bc im sad im so sad#this time last year he made me happy and i could talk to him all day#this time this year we're barely talking :(#and i feel so stupid and pathetic for saying things like i wanna understand him better and ask questions#and that i love him and he's the most special person to me#like can i read the room?!? why do i send shit like that when he is keeping his distance? im just bothering him with that stuff#if only he knew all the thing i have to supress and not tell him lmao#it hurts sm when there are so many things u wanna say to someone but you arent in a position to do so#bc they dont wanna hear it from u. oof that's pain bruv#i keep writing this post because i just cant let it go#i wish i could go back to last year#when he wanted pics from me and wanted me to message him#and we messaged like literally all day everyday#but now i feel bad and annoying for sending him any message :((#well... i am sad and heartbroken and that's just how i feel rn#i cant do anything other than accept it and just keep going 🤙
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