#feelings entirely drawn from my own romantic experiences

[ioniansunsets]

Hello yuno! As vday is coming i have an idea or scenario if every heartsteel kayn were to receive handmade chocolates from his f-crush how would he react to it or feel or whichever way you would like owo!!! Feeling like the young kayn in high school moment ♡♡please take your time and its ok you dont have to rush it

✖ Valentine’s Confession Highschool Kayn ✖

✖ Word Count: 1.2k Words

✖ Tags: Mutual Pinning! Awkward young love.

✖ A/N: I wrote a mutual confession thing cause I thought it’ll be cute! I really put my whole IonianSunsussy into this please enjoy it. [Actually the idea of highschool sweethearts Kayn is also really cute. Like imagine the gap moe. He never talks about it and then during Paranoia’s debut he’s just like “ hey can I get an extra VIP ticket? My partner wants to watch.” and everyone is like ??????? and he’s like ??? “ Yeah I’ve been dating them since we were like 15. 6th year anniversary is this weekend.”]

✖ Wrote This Listening To: He just wants to be Somebody to You. I think the whole lone wolf that fell head over heels in love is cute for him hahahhaha

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Kayn isn’t sure if he should be laughing or crying. Here he is, standing outside your club room at what, 5pm in the evening? Guitar strapped behind his back and a little gift in his hands. Ok, so he had liked you for a while now, so what, nothing wrong with love. Love was badass. So he decided to do something about those irritating feelings and bought you chocolates. So what! So, he decided it was just not hardcore enough, and went to melt and make his own fucking valentine’s chocolates for you. So What!

Maybe he baked cookies too huh? Is that so bad! Is it so bad that he got Akali to lend him some fancy stationery to write you some shitty fucking love letter! Its hardcore, its over the top! It’s how The Shieda Kayn should confess. Nothing subpar, none of that weak, half-assed work. Only the best. You only deserve everything and then some. You deserve the handmade chocolates. You deserve the expensive store bought ones he got too. You deserve that nicely wrapped box with the fancy hand cut crinkle paper in the pretty gift bag. You deserve the handmade cookies that he painstakingly made in your favorite flavor, with the cute icing of Rhaast and the matching handmade sprinkles (that Zed so kindly helped him with). You deserve the effort he took, the countless nights of planning to write down a very well written rap (confessional love poem) for you. You deserve the scented paper (his cologne) and the cool stickers on the envelope (its holographic hearts).

You deserve someone better than him.

He winces as he accidentally bit his lip too hard. Suddenly brought back to the reality of how long he has spent standing by this door. Another click of his tongue, he continues irritatingly tapping his foot while he reconsiders all he’s about to do. Was it creepy? Waiting for you after club activities? What? People should call it romantic right? It…it Was romantic…right? Waiting an extra hour or two after his own extra classes for Your own club activities to finish? I mean, he worked hard growing the balls to ask you to wait for him after school. You said yes earlier too! This is not creepy, this is just him living up to promises he made with you. This is. Normal. Yeah. Totally normal. Romance will die when he lets it. Kayn swallows hard, hand gripping tighter to the ribbon handles of the beautiful gift bag he spent his allowance on. The contents on the bag feeling heavier and heavier by the minute.

Knocking the door with his other hand, Kayn slowly peers into the club room. Slowly opening the door, he enters silently. The sickly blinding white fluorescent room lights mixing with the oranges of the late afternoon sun streaming in from the open windows. Kayn looks around, catching sight of you standing by the closet in the corner of the room packing up whatever it was that you did after school.

" Hey. I’m here like I said." " Kayn!"

He watches as you jump, fumbling as you try to hide whatever it is that was in the closet. Raising an eyebrow, he stands there, giving you an awkward smile as his eyes narrow to discern just what it is you were hiding from him.

“ Oh? Oh~ What is that huh?”

Kayn teases you, hiding his own gift behind his back as he walks over, trying to peer in and see what you’re so desperately hiding from him. As you look back at him with feigned irritation on your face, some quick maneuvers later you managed to hide whatever it is on the shelf behind your back.

“ You first. What’s that huh?”

As you ask him the question, a slow red blush creeps up his cheeks. Slowly you lean over to him, trying to see what is it that he’s holding behind His back. It can’t be right. No way life would treat someone like him this well. No way, no way. You were too close way too close. He swallows hard, leaning back to try and hide what he can behind his guitar case while also leaning away from you. So close to him that he could feel not only your presence in his personal space but the delectable warmth radiating off your skin. As your eyes meet his with that mischievous glint, he freezes. Stunned by both your beauty and the sudden realization that he should get this done and over with before he backs out. A shakily smug smile creeps onto his face as he tries his best to tamp down his anxiety with his Kayn branded cockiness. Was this something everyone went through? Were first loves and confessions this bad for everybody? God, he could feel his palms sweating again. Kayn coughs lightly to clear his throat before proudly thrusting the fancy bag in your face.

“ I…worked really hard on a little something for you. I hope you like it.”

Barely audible, Kayn whispers as he looks away shy. Contrary to his earlier actions, he gently lowers his hands and places the gift into your embrace. His eyes dart around the room, not able to meet your gaze, Kayn seemingly shrinks away from you with the realization of his past few days worth of effort all hitting him at once. The Valentine’s day gift was literally out of his hands now. A breathy laugh escapes him before he finally finds the meager courage to look at you again. And of course, he was instantly awestruck. How could he not be with you. Looking back at him with that tender look, the way your own lips slowly curl into a smile, the sparkle in your eyes as you look from him to the gift in your hands back at him.

“ Kayn…”

” No. Don’t say anything, just…go read the thing when you’re home alone. I don’t wanna hear it! I’m going!”

As he turns to leave, you quickly grab his arm, pulling him back with a quick jerk. Eyes closed, you press your lips against his. Kayn’s own eyes go wide as he looks, unblinking, back at you in shock. He was now suddenly very, very aware of what it felt like when people talked about time feeling like it's stopping.

“ And this is for you.”

You quickly return a similarly lovingly wrapped box into his hands. Kayn frozen in place, his heart working in overdrive, thumping so loudly he was sure he would get a heart attack right here right now. His face such a bright red that the blush reaches up to his ears and also spread down his chest. You could see it peaking through his unbuttoned collar when your gaze trailed down. Before his brain could even begin to regain function you quickly wave to him, scrambling to pick up your bag you run off. Leaving Kayn flustered and alone in the empty classroom as the sun begins to set. You too had to leave his presence before the embarrassment of what went down caught up to you too.

There would be a lot for you guys to talk about tomorrow at school.

Link to fanart for this!

[shibaraki]

PUT MY LIPS TO SOMETHING ┊  MIYA OSAMU 

synopsis: after a string of terrible dates taking a break sounded ideal. then Miya Osamu happens, and you find yourself back at square one. foolish, hoping, and hungry.

tags: GN reader, post timeskip, (blind) first date, reader is a foodie (and has a big appetite), implied bad past experiences (ppl mean about said apetite), insecurities (not about weight), strangers to lovers, sharing food + feeding each other, flirting, romantic + sexual tension, first kisses, *slaps roof of kitchen* you can fit so much Love into this thing!!!!!!!

wc: 5K

The evening laid bare in strokes of colour. The air is tepid. People part around your inert figure as you stand to the side and watch, shifting awkwardly between each foot. You were ten minutes early. And it seemed so was your date.

You exhale, palm laid over your rapidly beating heart. You’re not sure what your expectations were after agreeing to let Saeko set you up on this blind date but Miya Osamu exceeded. A beautiful stranger. Tall, broad shouldered with dark hair and hooded eyes. The dress shirt he’s wearing is close to a second skin, drawn tight around his back and clinging just slightly to his soft middle, shirtsleeves rolled to the crook of his arms.

On a whole you trusted her judgment. Apparently he owned the small restaurant she and her colleagues frequent for their lunch hour. She promised that he was handsome, which was plain to see, and effused repeatedly that the two of you would work well together. Nevertheless you can’t help feeling cautious.

Dating has been… tricky at best. A game to some, a way to keep score. The search for validation. A means to an end. A fleeting cure to boredom. You don’t think you’re particularly bad at meeting new people, but it can’t be ignored that you don’t have much to show for it thus far.

You’re aware enough to discern the root cause. You loved food—that’s the long and short of it. You savoured meals to the very last crumb, seeking out the various flavours on your tongue to really get to the heart of the dish. Because that’s what food did: it loved back.

Dates often treated you like a different creature entirely upon witnessing your appetite. Poorly veiled embarrassment, or concern, or disdain as you sat across from one another and ate. Different in a lesser way, in a distasteful way, as though they were sampling fine wine for the flavour and you were just drinking for the sake of getting drunk, when it was quite the reverse.

Anyone would think you behaved like an animal. Your table manners were fine. You treated the staff with respect. You made conversation and asked questions, even when they made no effort themselves, and tried to make the best of the evening.

With every failed attempt at making a connection you were beginning to grow lonely. The presence of your loved ones and their families, their partners and their children, never truly filled that cavernous ache in your chest. Poured in like morning sun with hopes to warm you from the inside out, perhaps, only all that ever did was make the hole more obvious to you.

Taking a break from the scene sounded ideal. Then Miya Osamu happened to see a photo of you over Saeko’s shoulder, expressed his interest, and you found yourself back at square one. Foolish, hoping, and hungry.

There’s phantom heat around your fingers. The gentle squeeze of Saeko’s hands as she sent you off. “This one will be different,” she told you. With her words echoing in your thoughts, you pat down either side of your hips, ironing out the creases, and start toward him.

Osamu is leaning against the outer wall now, scrolling on his phone. A warm musk fills your senses as the distance shortens. Smooth notes of oakmoss and vanilla. He must notice your approach in his periphery, because he straightens up and steps forward, turning to face you with an apprehensive smile. The attraction between you becomes tangible before either of you speak a word.

"Hi," you smile back, oddly at ease to see that he is equally nervous. "Miya, right? I think I'm here to meet you".

The tension slips from his posture and from yours in turn. His smile grows and deepens the crinkles by his eyes as his gaze sweeps over you. Dawn casts the street in a peachy tint and it dapples across his cheeks in a  faux blush. "Sure hope so," he says. "Call me Osamu. Ya look beautiful, by the way".

Something rouses in your chest. You're warm now. His accent is unfairly charming, like the rest of him. "Thank you," you reply, lingering on the delicate silver chain around his wrist, and how the folded fabric of his sleeve strains around his forearm. "So do you".

"Beautiful?" Osamu echoes, brow arched with the teasing lilt in his voice.

You hum, drawn to the natural heat emitting from his body. "S'what I said, isn't it?"

"So you did," he murmurs, the low timbre settling over you like silk. When your eyes meet he rocks back on his heels, clearing his throat and gesturing to the restaurant he picked for tonight. "I made a reservation for us. Wanna head in?"

"I'd love to".

As if entering another world, the noise lowers into a pleasant din. You step through the tall latticed doors into what appears to be a bistro-style restaurant. All autumn pigments and harmony. Family owned, from what you recall after searching it up last night. The main dining area has a romantic ambience to it, balmy toned lanterns centred on each table and an open kitchen where the chef is lovingly making a yakisoba dish.

"Tanaka mentioned yer a bit of a foodie," you blink from your appreciative stupor and glance at Osamu. "Apparently they serve really good European food here so," he rubs at the back of his neck, a little pink and unsure, his shoulder jerking in a loose shrug. "Thought'cha might like it".

Your heartbeat floods your ears. "I really like it," you say, hushed, flustered at his thoughtfulness. Before he's able to respond a host has approached, young and dressed in a well pressed black vest, not a thread out of place. He bends into a perfect bow.

“It is a pleasure to welcome you this evening. Will it be a table for two?”

Osamu sidles closer. There's presence at your lower back, his hand lingering, and you decide to lean into it. “There should be a reservation for two under the name Miya,” he nods. The host brightens.

“Of course! Right this way".

The host takes off toward the rear dining area, hidden from view. Osamu encourages you forward and as you walk together he leans to whisper in your ear, "We haven't seen the best part yet".

You immediately understand what he's referring to as you're led through a pair of golden drapes and into a conservatory space that looks out on a lustrous bamboo grove and a small koi pond. Your table is right by the stretch of windows, offering a lovely view. It steals the breath straight from your lungs, “Osamu…”

Once seated the host returns to offer you a pair of damp towels on a tray. Osamu orders a drink while he wipes his hands, and then you do the same. You sink into the cushioned back of your chair. A shoe brushes your ankle and retreats to settle alongside it, just a couple of inches. The centrepiece gently breathes to life, illuminating the table.

Anticipation trickles back in as Osamu voices his gratitude and you realise you’ll need to order in front of him. His focus turns to you as the host departs, discerning your expression. “D’ya wanna order a starter first?” he asks, sliding a menu to you.

The menu is thick and glossy. You make a commiserate sound, thumb plucking at the corner of the card. “Everything sounds really good. I’ve never had carottes ra—âpées,” you murmur, skimming excitedly over the dishes and listing off the things that catch your eye.

A low chuckle interrupts your train of thought. Rather than underlying irritation, you’re met with amusement and curiosity. “Really do like yer food, huh?”

Heat floods your body, and you resist the urge to grimace. “Sorry, I can get carried away. Is there anything you want to try?”

“Thinking of getting grilled octopus and canola to start and the sea bream for main,” he recites, studying you in the low light. Muffled are the far off sounds of meat popping on the hot stove-top and you can smell a sweet, coconut-like aroma. “Don’t need to be embarrassed y’know. I’m a food lover too”.

You perk up noticeably in your seat and Osamu’s expression near melts into sheepishness. “You run a restaurant, right? Saeko mentioned”.

“Ah, yeah. Onigiri Miya. Nothin’ as grand as this,” he gestures to the surroundings offhandedly. Your eyes linger on the flex of his throat as he swallows, pride bleeding into his voice. “Won a Food Made Good award though, just last month”.

“No kidding. Congrats Osamu, that’s amazing,” you grin, instinctively leaning into his magnetism and resting your hands on the table surface. Osamu seems to mirror your movement without meaning to. “Have you always wanted to run a restaurant?”

“Never really thought about it. Up to the end of my second year I assumed I’d fall into somethin’,” he admits. “I sorta hit the ground running after graduating. My brother too—”

“Excuse the interruption. I have your drinks,” interjects a new timid voice. The server shuffles forward to set the glasses between you on the table and then fumbles for her notepad, clicking the cap down. “Are you both ready to order?”

Osamu recovers and recites his choice for starter and main, and you do so afterwards without second thought. It’s nice, being at ease. Sitting opposite Osamu feels natural. The glass is cold against your palm, ice cubes clinking softly as you bring it up your lips and drink. You nudged the conversation forward before it could wilt. “You were saying, about your brother?”

“Atsumu. He’s my twin brother,” Osamu begins with a small smile, poorly hidden behind the rim of his glass. He sets it down, watching the amber liquid ripple. “Played volleyball since we were kids, but he always loved it a little more than I did. So while I racked up every business permit and licence I could get and he dove first into division one”.

“You both sound pretty brave, in your own right”.

“Thanks,” Osamu grinned and you got the impression that you very much said the right thing. “Brave is a new one. We’re used to bein’ called reckless idiots”.

“Tomayto tomahto,” you tease, lifting an arm and crossing your fingers together. After another sip, “Gotta be a little bit of both, right?”

“You’re right about that,” he conceded. Mouth thinning as if to rein in his smile, he reached up to needlessly fix his hair. “How about yerself, what do you do?”

Attraction hung over the table, an incorporeal anticipant thing that swells as the evening unfolds. Darkness enveloped the bamboo grove and activated the small aureate floor lights placed between the culms. You fall into natural conversation over your starter dishes. You share laughter. Tender and succulent; you share food, too, leaning forward to pluck a sample from his plate, offering your own. Not a single grimace.

Every other first date pales in comparison.

Osamu watches you with a hooded gaze warmed by his second pint of beer. There’s a certain satisfaction to him, contentment. The tip of his tongue peeks out to catch an errant drop. He nudges his ankle to your calf again when the server returns to clear away your starter plates, and you don't move away.

“Can I ask why you’re single, and what you’re looking for?”

“Finally, the hard hittin’ questions”.

You laugh, “We’ve got to get over the boring first date spiel at some point tonight”.

Osamu rumbles his assent, rests his chin in his palm, casting an idle glance to the garden as he thinks. “Think my answer’s kinda standard. At first I never had the time ‘cause of the restaurant, didn’t think it’d be fair,” he  begins, and his mouth twists into a little self-effacing smirk. “When I thought I was ready I tried some’a those dating apps but nothin’ ever clicked for me”.

“I get it. Gauging chemistry is harder online,” you affirm softly, readjusting your seat as the server steps up to set down your main dishes, inclining her head in greeting but with enough grace not to interrupt. Osamu voices his gratitude, sliding his plate closer. The grilled tai is a beautiful fleshy pink colour, garnished with sprouts and hosta leaves.

“Ma says I’m a romantic,” he continues sheepishly, plucking up his chopsticks. “I’d prefer to meet someone naturally, face to face. To really feel it when ya click with each other”.

“Yeah?” there’s an ache blooming in your cheeks as you glanced down at your food. The plate is still hot to touch. You pinch your chopsticks and inhale the rich scent of saffron, garlic and onion, and beneath it all sharp notes from an open flame. “I think we’re doing pretty good on that front”.

“Better than I hoped,” he murmurs, supple and full of promise. The hair on your arms prickles. When was the last time anyone looked at you like that, you wonder. “Soon as Tanaka caught on that I saw your picture on her phone she was determined to appeal ya to me. Thought it might be too good to be true”.

You hum around your first mouthful, feeling much the same way. Saeko had worked hard to strong arm you into meeting him. The food falls apart gently on your tongue and suddenly your agreeable noise becomes a pleased crescendo, taken by the rich smoky flavours.

After swallowing you grow self-conscious; the weight of Osamu’s focused attention is heavy. Rather than embarrassment, the flush tinting his cheeks seems to be something else entirely. He has a chunk of grilled tai between his chopsticks, halted halfway to his lips. “Is it that good?” he teases, strained.

There’s no true malice or ill intent behind it. It’s lighthearted—you could even delude yourself into thinking he sounded fond. You kick your lips, inhibitions worn a fraction after a glass of liquor. “I’d say that’s obvious,” you smiled. “It tastes amazing. Thank you, for picking this place”.

“S’been my pleasure believe me,” he says, finally taking a bite of his own. Like him, you observe how his expression flickers as the flavour fills his senses. A flare in soft surprise, rippling as he chews and discerns the texture. His eyelids flutter closed, lashes fanning out over the high point of his cheeks, and open in the next breath to catch you staring.

“Is it that good?” you echo coyly. Osamu smirks, a glimmer in his eye. He picks up a small piece of the tai sandwiched with a hosta leaf and cups his hand beneath it while offering you a try.

“See for yaself,” he says. Energy simmers under your skin, all buzzing heat and jitters. You quickly sip your drink, rinsing your palate before shuffling closer to the table's edge and lean forward, lips eagerly parting to take the morsel into your mouth. A hitched breath. Osamu holds your gaze while you parse the hints of dashi broth and ginger.

“God. You weren’t wrong. The texture is perfect…” you stop yourself from rambling further and swipe your bottom lip as you recline in your chair, chopsticks poised like pincers. Pulse quickening behind your ribs you copy his actions, taking a sample of your dish for him to try. “Try mine too?” you offer, abashed.

Osamu struggles to temper his grin. Words aren’t necessary. He props himself onto his elbows and stretches forward, pink mouth wrapping around the end of your chopsticks. Closer now you notice the soft cupid’s bow on his top lip. He draws back with a soft groan as he chews—the sound ripples down your spine.

“Never tasted anything like that. Almost has a tangy bite to it,” he praised.

“Right? It’s amazing how they managed to marry earthy and briny together. I think it’s a Spanish dish, maybe,” you wonder aloud, eyes sweeping over the table. “How have I never been here before?”

“It’s my first time too, a friend recommended it. Heard they’ve only been open a year and some,” he tells you. Eventually the conversation slows as eating takes precedence. The server flits in and out to take your empty glasses, bringing refills. Sitting there, now with an empty plate and your third drink half full, a different spirit entirely sifts inside you.

Osamu admires you over the rim of his beer. “I never got to ask earlier,” he mused. “Are ya looking for a serious relationship or…?”

You scarcely hear him, preoccupied with staring at his other loosely curled hand beside the centrepiece. If he notices he doesn’t mention it. “I am. I’ve been trying. Any more than this I might actually fit the definition of a serial dater,” you admit, in an attempt to reciprocate some of his prior vulnerability. “But all I want is to settle down. Find someone”.

About to take another sip, Osamu's fingers slip slightly on the condensation around his pint. “Yer serious?” he baulks. His accent is thicker, rough. You wince at his tone. “Sorry, sorry. I just have a hard time believin’ nobody snatched you up yet”.

Feeling a little like a damn has broken in your chest, you nod. “Maybe I tried too hard. Somehow showing genuine interest only ever puts them off more,” a brittle bout of laughter breaks the delicate quiet, and you begin tearing at a napkin to distract yourself. “And most of them didn’t really… like my appetite. I embarrassed them sometimes, I think”.

Agitation on your behalf flickers in his expression; brows drawn taut, jaw clenched, it flies over his face and smooths out just as quickly. “That’s bullshit,” he said, sounding far calmer than he had looked. Warmth encompasses your hands and your fingers pause their repetitive motions. Osamu runs his thumb over your knuckles. “‘Scuse my manners. But ya not embarrassing in the slightest. There’s nothin’ more satisfying than watching someone eat well”.

A slow smile pulls at your lips. The napkin is in pieces. You sense his caution in crossing any boundaries, pressure alleviating as though to pull away, so you overturn your wrist and thread your fingers together. “I think so too,” you reply. “Not much better than good food and good company”.

“Guess we’ve covered all the bases,” he murmurs, squeezing until your palms kiss. “Feel like sharing some desserts with me?”

The hunger in your heart rears its head. Mentally you send a good word to Saeko, knowing you owe her more than a drink or two for this. “Can’t say no to that,” you return, voice a little thick. Whatever will prolong the night.

Dessert ends up being a beautiful burnt honey cake. It comes with a creamer of liqueur laced chocolate sauce that strays as you pour it. Osamu watches you clean a wayward thread of melted chocolate from wrist to heel with your tongue, grey eyes overcast with something heady. You feel a pulse of magnetised desire where there’d been none before as wet fingers popped free of your mouth.

It’s delicious, you're sure. You can hardly remember anything beyond the face he makes as he tries it.

The end of the date looms with dreadful finality. Osamu pays the bill in full despite your countless protests. You walk through the front dining area, busier than it had been, and in passing you bow your head toward the chef working behind the bar and the host at the entrance.

“Thank you very much,” he acknowledges politely. “Please come again”.

It’s jarring to step back out from the restaurant’s welcome embrace into the street. “Guess this is it,” you inhale deeply and move to Osamu’s side to sap him of his warmth, wrapping yourself around his arm. He pulls you closer and you yield like putty, partly the need to shield from the crisp, late night air and partly the desire to prolong your time together.

“Did you walk here?” he asks, rubbing your hip. Your hand is splayed over his chest, heat seeping through the fabric, heart tapping against your palm.

“I got dropped off,” you reply. “I’ll have a car pick me up”. Osamu dithers for a moment, visibly searching for the right words. He rubs at his neck—a nervous habit you’ve noticed.

Whatever you were expecting it wasn’t, “Are ya still hungry?”

Your mouth opens and closes. True, there’s no real physical ache of hunger but you would hardly describe yourself as full, or sated. “…I could eat,” you confess. Osamu grins at that, dark hair haloed by the streetlight. “Why?”

“My restaurant isn’t far from here. If yer comfortable with it, the cab can pick you up from there and I’ll make a treat for the ride home,” he says. He must take your brief silence to mean discomfort, because he continues on. “Ya can say no,” he murmurs, thumb stroking back and forth at your waist. “Just didn’t want the night to end yet”.

The offer strikes a chord within you, and you feel like you could burst. You want. Guided by fleeting impulse you press a quick kiss to the corner of his mouth. He startles and then moves as if to chase it. Your breath catches as you come together in a soft, chaste press of lips.

“I’d like that,” you rasp, patting at his chest and unwilling to part. There’s relaxed, padded muscle underneath. “What’s the address?”

After receiving the address you input it into your phone, scheduling the taxi to pick you up in around thirty minutes—at Osamu’s suggestion. As promised the restaurant is no more than a five minute walk, tucked away alongside a few other establishments. You notice the Onigiri Miya sign fixed above the door displaying his logo, but the shutters are down.

“Gotta head in through the side,” he explains quietly. You nod, clasping both hands around his forearm and letting him lead. The clink of his keys fills the silence, followed by a series of clicks. The door opens and he flicks the switch on. You squint at the intrusive light that floods the space, blinking to adjust, and make a low inquisitive noise as you meander through.

The interior errs on traditional, and it works well. Hanging along the accent wall is a banner of the shop name written in calligraphy, and other various artworks are littered throughout showcasing appreciation for the local agriculture.

Osamu disappears into the back amidst your exploring. You duck beneath the curtain draped across the doorway to find him. The kitchen is small, an obvious compromise to make room for more dining space. Food preparation is dedicated to the heart of the kitchen on an island-like setup, while dishwashing and such are pushed to the perimeter. Osamu embodies it comfortably and confidently.

Hands wrung against your stomach, you lean to get a closer look at what he’s doing. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

Osamu stops, still poised to reach for the water bowl next to his workstation. There are multiple others set out, each seemingly with a different ingredient. His mouth pulls into a boyish grin. “Don’t worry about that,” he says, inclining his head to the stool opposite. “Just sit there looking pretty and I’ll feed ya something good”.

You bite the inside of your cheek and wonder if it’s possible for butterflies to hatch in your chest. A fuzzy giddiness that spreads to the tips of your fingers, and you want to kiss him again. “Promise?”

“Promise”.

Lowering onto the stool, you watch raptly as he wets his fingers and takes a pinch of salt to rub into his  hands. Skin glistens under the pale florescence. Osamu's visage wanes, and you're struck by how at home he looks.

“So,” you speak, if only to fill the silence—and to hear his voice again. “What made you fall in love with food?”

Osamu scoops the cooked rice from a nearby bowl into his palm and starts to shape it. He doesn’t pause in his motions, even with the contemplative tilt of his head. “Lots’a reasons, really,” he says. “Earliest one I can remember is when I made breakfast for my gran for the first time. Ma helped out, ‘cause I was only five or six, but I was real proud of myself”.

“That’s cute,” you murmur, a nascent fondness stirring inside your body at the imagined young Osamu that flashes through your mind. “Did it turn out any good?”

Deft fingers knead a shallow dip into the centre of the rice ball. “Course it didn’t, I used way too much salt. But she still ate it, and it made her feel better”.

“Because she loves you”.

Osamu meets your eyes. Outside, droplets stutter out a drowsy staccato against the windows, cohesive with the beat of your heart. The moment feels pheromonic, like when you know something is just right the second you find it. “Yeah,” he murmurs. His mouth curls up and he tucks some of the nearby ingredients into the rice. “See, yer getting it”.

That's what it is. Osamu likes to take care of people. Your focus falls to deft fingers, gently folding the rice over, as though tucking it in. He gives it a triangular shape, adorned with a slice of nori, and sets it into a small cardboard tray. Without preamble, he reaches to start another.

"Y'know, first time I ever confessed to someone it was with onigiri," Osamu tells you, unheeding of the wellspring he opened in your chest. "Made 'em that same morning, had a speech and everything. Never told anyone I was gonna do it".

You hum and scoot closer, folding your arms atop the island. It's cold ot the touch. Osamu appears to blossom further under your avid attention. He repeats the steps, pressing new filling carefully into the heart of the rice and admits, "Got rejected, though".

Your face falls. "I'm sorry, Osamu".

"It's fine. In the end I gave one of 'em to 'Tsumu, and I ate the other," he shrugs, looking rather happy for someone talking about their botched first confession. "Know what he told me?"

"What?"

"Looks me dead in the eyes and goes 'What the hell, 'Samu. Are ya holdin' out on me? These taste better than usual'," Osamu pitches his voice as he recites the memory, presumably mocking his brother. You laugh, and he ducks his chin to hide his grin. "I remember missin' three serves that day. He told me since I suck so bad at volleyball I should be a chef instead. Idiot doesn't even remember he said it, but..."

While he had meant his words to be light you heard the significance beneath it. You rise from your seat. Osamu tucks the third and final onigiri into the tray and lets his focus stray toward you. Featherlight strokes up his forearm, you rest your cheek against his shoulder. You peer through your lashes and look at Osamu's face, at a tentative beginning.

"And now you're here," you say, reaching to cup his warm cheek. He leans into it, lids fluttering as your thumb traces an arc beneath his eye. His ears are warm against the tips of your fingers. "You did it".

"Yeah," Osamu releases a shaky breath. "Is it—can I kiss ya again?"

Your answer comes with the tilt of your head. Osamu kisses you, solemnly sweet. You can faintly taste the beer he drank. He's warm, firm under your hands. You feel him smile against your mouth and smile back, nipping at his plush lower lip. The intensity grows as a strong arm coils around your waist, his wet, rice soiled hand held away from your clothes. Your fingers slip into his hair as his tongue dips into the seam, slides over your own and along the grooves in your teeth, drinking the whine right from your mouth.

"Osamu," you sigh, pushing harder, needing to be closer, and yet he is pulling further away. "Noo, come back".

"Greedy thing" he rasps. His voice is infused with warm laughter. You hum as he kisses you again, similar to the first. It's quick and chaste, and with too much finality for your taste. "I know. But I'm pretty sure that's yer ride waiting outside".

You sniff haughtily, following his line of sight to the car headlights filtering in through the windows. "Wait. Let me walk ya out," he mumbles, turning away to find a towel to wipe his hands on. Meanwhile you gingerly pick up the takeout tray of onigiri and cradle it to your front, as though something precious.

"Ready?"

The night is colder than you remember, and you'd only been out of it for a short time. Sparse raindrops pitter patter on the pavements, leaving dark little dots on the concrete. Osamu walks ahead to check with the driver and then waves you over, opening the door himself.

"What a charmer," you tease, turning into him once more and pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Thank you, Osamu. I had a really great night".

"Good enough to see me again?"

The crinkles by his eyes are knowing, aware that he needn't ask at all. And the thought that you could be another person for Osamu to take care of—it satiates the ache.

"Maybe I can cook for you next time," you say as you climb into the backseat. Osamu bends, peering into the car.

"Promise?"

Loneliness is just another form of hunger. You realise that now.

"I promise".

[taurealuna]

𝓹𝓲𝓬𝓴 𝓪 𝓬𝓪𝓻𝓭: 𝒶𝓃 𝒶𝓇𝑒𝒶 𝓎𝑜𝓊'𝓋𝑒 𝒷𝑒𝑒𝓃 𝑜𝓋𝑒𝓇𝓁𝑜𝑜𝓀𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒾𝓃 𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓇 𝓁𝒾𝒻𝑒

close your eyes, feel, and pick an image that you feel the most drawn to...

all images credits to artists on pinterest!

pile 1: four of swords, ace of cups, the hanged man in reverse, two of wands in reverse, king of wands in reverse, ten of swords, page of cups in reverse, the loverse in reverse, four of cups

my dear pile 1s, you haven't been resting well, have you? i sense that you have been ridden with worries and anxiety recently, affecting your sleep and daily routine. you might be at a stage where you think you are supposed to make a decision, supposed to act a certain way and supposed to live up to certain expectations. these heavy thoughts weigh you down, because you think you have to live your life in a certain way. the cards suggest that you are in a state on limbo right now, partly due to circumstances, but mostly du to a subconscious fear that you have. you might be worried about making the wrong move, it will lead to dire consequences. i sense that you could have previous experiences where your actions have led to serious undesirable outcomes, and now you are paralyzed by fear. for some of you, this could be a romantic relationship or a friendship that you value greatly. the relationship you are in may be disharmonious and emotionally unfulfilling for you. you might not be seeing eye to eye with someone, and that often leads to fights and disappointment for you. i sense that you might struggle with learning how to sit with your feelings and knowing how to deal with it. if this resonates with you, i sense that not all hope is lost for you. learning how to be compassionate with yourself and your emotions is important for you, and learning to focus less on the outcome but rather your own well-being is also a theme here. your emotional needs are important as well, and new roads may open for you once begin to love yourself.

pile 2: eight of wands, the hierophant in reverse, ten of swords, six of swords in reverse, the wheel of fortune in reverse, the high priestess in reverse

dear pile 2, immediately i got a sense that you may struggle with trust issues. specifically, trust in the fact that the universe has got your back. you may have been in situations where you had faith in the universe and expected it to go a certain way, but it backfired and went entirely different. i sense that in some situations, you may have preferred to act quickly on impulse, thinking that the strongest warriors act the fastest. however this thought may have backfired on you, and led you to feel like an outcast or the black sheep within your community. you may have made some decisions that were against what others expected of you, and these alienation hurt you greatly as well. im sensing that this experience hurt you greatly, as it led to people that you trusted drifting away from you, and it felt like a fall from grace. you may harbour repressed resentment towards the situation and these people. pile 2, i sense that deep down you may have some insecurities of your own. although you may seem strong on the outside, you are critical of your qualities and abilities, leading you to prefer to act rashly. you may be in a state of imbalance right now, because your actions don't align with how you truly feel about yourself deep down. you are represented by the star, a truly unique and lovely person who has noble intentions for the world. you may often feel as though others are critical towards you, but deep down you are your greatest critic of all. i sense that you may have lofty goals, except that the method of implementation is not the best at the moment. some advice would be to dig deep, and realise what you truly want for your light to shine upon the world. don't be afraid to connect with others who are like-minded and are your equals in life. have faith that once you believe in yourself, the universe will work in your favour too

pile 3: three of pentacles in reverse, ace of swords in reverse, king of swords in reverse, two of cups, temperance in reverse

dear pile 3, do you feel understood in your relationships? i sense that you are a communicative person, however in your friendships and relationships with others, you may often struggle in terms of healthy communication. one party may be a poor listener, or often resorts to using harsh words on the other party. this can lead to a build up of hurt and anger, and even be used as a form of manipulation tactic. while it may or may not be intentional, i sense that your relationships often have these patterns of communication. you may hide your true feelings behind sharp words, or unintentionally push people away by being cold. within your friendships in particular, there is often a lack of teamwork or collaboration. one party may often want to be the leader, not taking into considerations other's opinions and feelings. if this resonates with you, pile 3, this may be a sign to slow down and reflect on the friendship circles you have. do they have signs of miscommunication or passive aggressiveness? are they lacking in honesty and warmth? if this is the case, learning how to balance expressing your opinions and listening to others can be helpful. finding a balance between both can be hard. however, i sense that the other party may be willing to work on this together with you, and willing to be there for you. i sense that not all hope is lost, and working on communication can help to mend some deep-seated anxiety and fear of vulnerability within you as well.

pile 4: knight of swords in reverse, seven of cups, two of swords, ten of wands

dear pile 4, you might be at the crossroads of what to do in terms of your career or studies. like pile 1, you struggle with knowing exactly what you want and making the "right" choice. you may be in a situation where you have to make a tough choice, such as moving overseas for a one-in-a-lifetime opportunity, or staying for the sake of stability. for some of you, you may be at the stage where you are still searching for your own purpose in life, and finding it hard to take action. you might be self-reflecting and pondering over the ideal career or choice for yourself because you struggle with a lack of direction, i sense that internally you are extremely conflicted as you often seek the make the best choice and there could be a certain level of responsibility placed on your shoulders, pile 4. i sense that in pile 4, many of you may have some hidden ambitions that you are afraid to explore, or accept that you are ambitious. if this resonates, don't be afraid to embrace the fire within you and explore as many choices as possible for you. see the world as your oyster, and use your imaginative abilities to guide you into exploring new paths in the world. i sense that many of you are immensely capable, except you may be prone to inaction. by taking a courageous step out, you might find opportunities rolling in, and things falling into place for you. this pile made me feel so excited, all the best pile 4!

[irinaclockworker94]

Aroallo Scarab headcanons (God auditor version).

I've traveled across the entire multiverse... and I'm the one who's missing out?

If you came here from AO3, thanks for reading my silly story. 

This art is a creation of the fabulous, fantastic, amazing, talented, stunning Kooi_koo

When they finally send me my commission, I was so happy about it. It’s perfect. I spent five hours looking at it XD

You should check their art. It’s amazing!

But, going back to Scarab...

So, Scarab is one of my comfort characters, and I decided to laser beame him as aroallo because I can (and he gives me the vibes, okay?). So, here are some of my headcanons about him. 

(By the way, some of these apply to him in the Human AU too). 

CW: Suggestive/sexual content.

Scarab has a really high libido and used to bang like crazy until he acquired the title of God Auditor. 

He started to become a workaholic so he could forget about sex. Because according to him, his new position wouldn’t need him to get distracted.

But, from time to time, he rarely used his shapeshifting ability to get laids. And always kept his real identity in the dark. For the sake of professionalism.

He feels some kind of repulsed toward romance, especially romantic gestures. He can’t find the appeal in them. 

He always saw himself as not partnering. He never felt drawn to people or cosmic beings in that way. For a long time, he convinced himself he was like that for his workaholic tendencies. 

He doesn’t like to use the word ‘love’. He prefers to use other words like tenderness, admiration, or similar to show his feelings. (Feelings he expressed more until he started to live in the Time Cube with Prismo). 

The last creature that called him ‘my boyfriend’, to refer him, ended up inside an egg.

About developing friendships… he likes them in theory. And crave them to some degree. But he just can’t attempt to make them work, because for him is hard to feel an attachment to people. 

That applies to family bondings too.

Living with Prismo surely made him see things from a different perspective. Scarab considered Prismo an annoyance for quite some time.

Until Prismo and Scarab got creative. Come on, being in the Time Cube must be boring sometimes. Of course, they will explore each other’s bodies (and a lot of kink’s awakenings happened). 

Continuing with the kink part, Scarab’s occasional partners LOVED his mummy form. They always get creative in funny ways. (Roleplay? Bondage? Both?)

While writing fanfics with Prismo, he discovered the different shipping troupes. Scarab likes the Enemies-to-lovers trope because of the amount of sexual tension. But he would rather prefer it to be ‘Enemies to Friends with Benefits’.

Scarab started to question his orientation after watching the Fionna World, where some friends were talking and one of them confessed to being ‘aromantic’.

Prismo showed him support from the beginning and both started research to put a name to Scarab’s experiences.

Scarab immediately found comfort in the label aroallo because it describes perfectly his experience. And he doesn't want to specify who he is attracted to.

To some degree he identifies with other labels as ‘loveless’, ‘aplatonic’, and ‘afamilial’, but he feels more comfortable using just aroallo because, for him, his attraction is about ‘all or nothing’ and not completely fitting in other labels makes him scream.

He’s aware of terms like gray, demi, etc, but again, Scarab is too dense for his own good to even consider using them. 

And when he began to feel a different kind of attraction (non sexual) towards Prismo, he freaked out.

Then, he learned about other kinds of attraction different from romantic and he felt some relief. 

He still doesn’t know how he feels towards Prismo. All he knows is he cares for him and has the most exquisite sex together.

Scarab still refuses to see Prismo as a partner. And Prismo is okay with that. 

Prismo immediately accepted the fact that Scarab wouldn’t grant him a romantic relationship, but thanks to Scarab, he discovered other ways of bonding with him. and even with other people.

[mobius-m-mobius]

Hello there!

I have to ask cause it's everywhere and apparently my husband and I didn't see it!

Aziraphale & Crowley were obvious to us as a couple but we didn't see this with Loki & Mobius (please people don't be mad 🙃). I saw a great love and a bond that will last forever but not the way we witnessed in Good Omens. To me it was more of a family thing. Like Mobius has two sons. Could be the representation of Thor and Loki. I don't know. I was so surprised when I saw all this on Tumblr. I want to rewatch the show now to see if I really missed all the signs.

Hi there! 😊 Thank you for the ask and please don't worry for wondering, part of the joy in a watching experience is being able to see something in a completely new light. I hope you've come to the right place as Lokius and Aziraphale/Crowley are the only romantic pairings that have stood out to me in ages but now for fairly different reasons so I'll do my best to explain why in my own personal view Lokius is a slow burn for the ages above and beyond all other love stories to me and I'd absolutely recommend rewatching Loki, especially season 2, with the mindset that the tropes of every good romance are present in *every* interaction Loki and Mobius have.

(adding a read more here as I feel this is about to get almost horrifically long if you'd like to know even some of the signs lol)

Right from the start we see Mobius recounting being a fan of Loki's most mischievous acts on the timeline, pushing the question of just why he's focused on ruling and nothing else, really getting under his skin in a way no one ever has before?? And in that there's something even better and deeper than love at first sight; intrigue. Loki's furious at being held by the TVA but can't help being drawn back to what an enigma Mobius is to brush off his insults and offer salvation in the face of knowing every good or bad thing Loki's ever done and believing in him anyway.

Cue the tentative partnership and rapport they both get far too comfortable in which you see when Mobius indulges in letting Loki ruin the mission at the renaissance fair and later tries to backtrack in reassuring Ravonna he's got things under control, then again when Loki realizes Mobius has been reading him too well and defaults to leaning in to "fix" his perfectly tied tie, a callback to when Mobius pointed out Loki has a tendency to try and seduce people in more powerful positions who could help him. You actually see Mobius lean in for a moment before realizing himself and pulling back, but contrary to everyone else Loki's tried this with he doesn't give in or get angry, he laughs and once again points out what Loki's up to, trying to find a way to get to the Timekeepers.

That entire sequence is the tipping point for me when they officially enter romantic territory, as Loki's visibly thrown and surprised by the way Mobius reacts and scrambles after him, finally taking things seriously enough to do real work and is rewarded not only with trust he's never been given so freely before but a now mutual fascination you see during their conversation in the cafeteria (a highlight of the series for me ) when Loki can't help but try and learn more about the person who knows him so well already by asking genuinely about Mobius and his jet ski magazine. Blew me away because any previous version of Loki would've never taken the time or interest in something so ridiculous (in his eyes), but this Loki shyly takes in the way Mobius beams and opens up, because how could you not fall a little when such a simple pleasure makes someone happy?

Then when they research Roxxcart they flirt again, Mobius praising Loki and teasing he might take his job before what we refer to as the Roxxcart grocery store divorce and for good reason 😂 When Loki's captured back to the TVA, Mobius isn't just hurt, he's clearly jealous and *extremely* so because he thought *they* had been building something only to now think Loki played him all along and during Loki's next interrogation Mobius loses his temper in a way he never has before, making scathing comments about Loki stabbing him in the back and siding with his "girlfriend" which should kind of speak for itself there 😅 Then their mutual assurance of trust before Mobius is pruned and the hug in the void being initiated by Loki is huge as well when this is the first time he's shared EVER that with someone and you see the crushing despair when Mobius later no longer remembers.

Getting into s2, it's easier for me to sum up with the base of their s1 relationship laid out since there's no need to get into as much detail when the entire thing is pure romance start to finish.

Loki and Mobius frantically desperate to find each other when in reality they had been separated for maybe an hour? Mobius ignoring all other issues at hand and his superiors to gently hold Loki by the waist and pull him close, constantly grounding by touching his back, arms, anywhere to provide extra comfort and Loki giving him that control, Mobius spending the entire season actively trying to enjoy being on the field without limits for a change and organizing dates between the two of them all season when his focus used to primarily be on the work. He repeatedly asks Loki to go for a drink, suggests visiting the theatre, going on a hot air balloon ride, etc, while Loki stops to indulge in popcorn and pies just because small joys are important to Mobius. When Loki visits Mobius' original timeline self they spend the ENTIRE ep flirting with each other, and honestly Don having two kids is just as it seems since there were no official indications otherwise; he may share genes with Mobius but is a different person with a different life. Don can't stop bringing up how single he is, teases Loki about following him home, which Loki absolutely did but only after fixing his hair and coat to try and look as good as possible before seeing him (because again, he looks like Mobius) and getting so flustered stammering over his words he may as well have been in a 90s Hugh Grant rom com 😂😂

Don't even get me started on the finale, which has every character except Loki and Mobius basically living their ideal life while the two of them are clearly left unfulfilled and wanting, missing each other to the point Mobius leaves the TVA (which exists out of time) for a timeline that Loki can see as a tear rolls down Loki's face in the final scene because of it.

Do I think that had their characters been tied to anyone but the Disney/Marvel corporations they, like Aziraphale and Crowley, would've shared a kiss as well? Absolutely yes, but that isn't a necessity for me personally and in all honesty despite Aziraphale and Crowley having kissed I actually felt season 2 of Good Omens was a massive backtrack for their relationship compared to the quality of time they spent together in season 1 which I much preferred. Again, that's personal preference and everyone sees and interprets elements of romance differently which is completely fine and I hope this wild ramble at least gave some perspective on how I and many others view Lokius 😂💖 Happy watching, no matter how you end up viewing them, and thank you again for the ask!

[writingrenna]

Hassel x GN!Reader

"Where The Heart Is"

A story where you start to actively pay attention to the specific brand of weird Hassel throws your way.

I admit, I didn't finish most of the friendship quests because I WANT MORE OF HIM, WHY DO CHARACTERS JUST DISAPPEAR/BECOME GENERIC NPCS WHEN THEY'RE DONE BEING IN THE STORY?? I want to truly engross myself in his backstory, so I'll be taking things slow. Don't mind me, just dragging out the inevitable </3

I WILL be taking advantage of his rematches, thank you very much.

ALSO this takes place three years after the end of the game so your expy has time to be hired and get to know Hassel, you work as one of the academy librarians!

Tone/Ending: Slightly Angsty At Parts, Wholesome, Romantic

Warnings: If you're sensitive to rough family situations, be warned! Hassel is very firm with no longer associating with his family and it's hinted at that his childhood wasn't the best, but the story doesn't dwell on that yet, I'm exploring that more later

Also, beware the movie and Hassel's painting sections, especially if the Iron Giant makes you sad

Word Count: A little bit over 5,000

^^^>

"You're... really sure about this, huh?" You say into your mug.

The steam from your tea gently tickled your nose as you considered what he said. The two of you were standing at the back of the staff room, both leaning against a window each on opposite sides of the bookshelf. The rain was fairly loud, but it served more as a gentle white noise to your conversation than anything.

"Yes, I simply cannot imagine an outcome that would make reaching back out again worth it."

You couldn't see his face, but the sadness in his tone was evident, so you took note of that.

"Ah, I know how that feels." You say, remembering some sour relationship conclusions where the other person reached out again or seemed to linger a bit more than they should. But his story... holy Tauros, it was something else.

"Well, do you think you're happy here in Paldea?" You begin. "I mean, would you consider seeing more of the world from time to time? Maybe even visit your home region again?"

He paused, taking in your question. He then huffed a little out of his nose, although it didn't seem to be out of annoyance.

"Well, I have lightly entertained the idea of just visiting my homeland again, but I just..." He paused. "Something is holding me back."

Your face dropped from attentive neutrality to one of sadness for him.

"Hey, no, that's valid of course! I was just wondering where you stood, you know? Like, after escaping all that and starting anew here? I'll stop asking if you like, though."

He immediately rebutted your offer.

"Nonsense, my dear. I do not mind your curiosity. I am aware my familial ties are... strange."

You can almost feel him stare into his mug in self-reflection, the one with the hand-drawn Gossifleur design a student made him that he had printed on. The one he proudly owned and tearfully showed off to every member of staff who happened to walk by if he had it at the time until the entire combined workforce of both the academy and the league knew about it. His favorite mug...

Him speaking up snapped you out of your trance.

"Ah, and about your first question. Truth be told, I do not have enough time to even imagine seeing more of the world, much less experience it. Between the academy and my duties with the elite four, my schedule is simply swamped! I sadly do not even remember the last time I had an extended break."

You frowned, looking down at your own mug. The one you spun yourself after classes on a day that Hassel had done a lesson in properly handling clay, donated courtesy of Brassius. He gave you a chance to throw down and de-stress as he cleaned the rest of the classroom since you had an especially rough day reorganizing books in the massive entrance hall. It wasn't perfect, but it was your own pride and joy, one he had cried upon seeing you finally use one spring morning.

"Oh! But do not pity me, I really and truly do love working with our students and giving it my all in the league. My classes remind me of the joy and wonder one feels while appreciating the beauty the world has to offer, even during those darker days. The future is bright for all our students! And these dragon Pokémon..." He paused. "They were always there for me despite my family's less-than accepting stance on my life choices. I have nothing but praise and gratitude to show them all."

You smiled, looking down a little as you let his words reverberate in your mind. You were going to ask him another question, only for him to completely derail your train of thought.

"Besides... there are many a thing here to make me feel well and truly at home."

You could hear a great warmth in his voice when he said this. You pondered on this, wondering if he meant to hint at something there when you notice the rain had stopped.

"Hey, the rain's gone!" You said before departing from the window. You stretch, careful not to accidentally spill the contents of your mug as you do so. You then walk forward a bit, looking over at your colleague as you do so.

You can't help but pause, however, at the way he stared longingly at the mug.

His eyes were transfixed on the last bit of tea left, swirling the liquid in his hands. His usual piercing eyes were replaced with a far more softened gaze, pupils large and unfocused.

He glanced up at you, smirking, although it was out of contentment. You couldn't help but focus on his blush. He was obviously thinking about something, but what ?? The way he stared at you from below his eyelids, refusing to lift his head more, but still giving you his undivided attention made you feel... strange.

'What is this man thinking?'

Despite taking in every little thing you could about his strange behavior, the moment really only lasted a few seconds before he chuckled softly, sitting up straight himself.

"Ah, well then." He softly intoned. "We should probably head out. Would you..."

He rubbed the back of his neck.

"...do me the honor of... of letting me walk you outside?"

^^^>

The rain-kissed streets of Mesagoza smelled fresh, and the warmth in the air left you without the need of a jacket, so you decided to forego wearing it. Hassel seemingly felt the same way, taking his coat off and draping it over his right arm before gently placing his left dominant hand over top it, as if caressing it. He took a deep breath, eyelids closed and fluttering.

"Ahh... smell that evening air. The world has been rinsed clean and emerges anew!"

You smiled up at him. He truly did seem to appreciate every little thing this world had to offer, good or bad.

"Hah! Yeah, I love the smell of rain. Very cozy, makes me feel all peaceful and stuff."

You suddenly remembered something.

"O-oh! And did you know? The word describing that comfy smell of rain after a dry season is 'petrichor'!"

He looked at you, head tilted down and to the side at you, his wide eyes showing his astonishment.

"I did not! Thank you for enlightening me, I now know a far simpler way to describe this feeling."

You beamed up at him, eyes closing momentarily as you grinned a toothy grin. When your eyes opened again, his face had an enchanted smile. That blush... it was back.

A coincidence, surely.

You decided to pretend you didn't notice.

"Oh, hey! It's a nice evening. Would you like to take a little walk?"

You bow slightly, looking up at him and offering your hand. He flinches slightly, eyes widening again as his face erupted in a deeper hue.

"Uh, y-yes. Yes I would."

He hastily grabs your hand and moves to face forward, avoiding your gaze. The man was probably in his early-to-mid 50's or 60's, but his voice audibly cracked. You didn't mention it, however, much to his relief.

^^^>

Here you are, splashing and kicking about in some puddles. You brought rain boots with you to keep at the school because the weather seemed to change at a sneeze in Paldea, but you really didn't mind. You loved the rain. You also loved having company, even super posh and serious company. You called for your companion.

"C'MON, HASS! WHY NOT GET YOUR PANTS WET THIS ONE TIME!?"

He was leaning away, seemingly trying to protect his suit jacket.

"Er... I would rather not have to deal with dry cleaning for a few minutes of rebellion..."

You understood, although a part of you just wanted to see the man act like a child again. So you walked off to stare out into the distance, 'hmm'ing to yourself as you came up with an idea. This worried Hassel, who backed up a bit.

"My dearest, what is on your mind? I'm not sure I feel comfortable with your suspicious little 'hmm's..."

You let out a mischievous little cackle before turning your upper half back towards him. His nervous smiling face screams 'oh Arceus, save me!', yet he remains glued in place. He seems ready to bolt at any second, however.

"Oh, nothing." You start, turning to walk toward the man, whose nervous smile wavers a bit to being more worried.

"But I will break you."

He lets out a shakey noise, but he remains.

"Ah, well, it is alright. No need for, um, breaking." He grins. "I am quite content simply watching you enjoy yourself."

He seemed genuine. You groaned.

"Oh, I am still breaking you, sir." You point a finger at him, waggling it a little as you turn and walk away, although you don't retract it, simply shaking it to your side. "Juuuust you wait."

He 'hmmph's, shaking his head in amusement.

"I see, I am..."

He mumbles an 'Oh bother...' under his breath before continuing.

"...interested... to see whatever you have planned for the night."

You freeze. You didn't actually stop to think about when you'd "break" him. But tonight definitely works.

"Good. Cause it's gonna be WIIIIILD."

^^^>

It certainly was not nearly as wild as Hassel expected. Here you were, popping popcorn as he sat under a blanket fort in your living room. A part of you expected him to be giddy, feeling that childlike wonder take over.

But the logical part of you predicted his bewildered expression, silently staring up and around at the neon lights you hung about the dark room.

"So." he began. "What exactly did you have in mind?"

"Oh, I wanna remind you of what it's like to be a kid again! Let loose, man!" You did a strange little shimmying dance as you said this.

His eyes widened, although it was different than before.

"Really now?"

"Yes, really!"

The popcorn was finally done, so you put it in a large bowl before going over and putting it on the floor beside him.

"It's movie night now! Your choice..." You said, holding up several cases with classic movies.

The Little Primarina, The Pyroar King, even Revavrooms were available for him to choose from. He carefully looked them over, his usual neutral expression on his face as he seemed to seriously consider which movie to watch. It was kinda funny, your stomach compressing a little to hide a laugh that was threatening to come up. He didn't seem to notice however, instead pointing to one, looking back up at you in the process.

"That one looks promising."

^^^>

He chose poorly. Or at least, he chose one he wasn't prepared for. You watched as tears spilled from his eyes, him constantly shaking his head and whispering "no" over and over with the covers pulled up over his nose. The Steel Ultra Beast really did a number on him, watching the mysterious entity (who we now know as Celesteela) sacrifice itself to save its new friends from an Ultra Wormhole a secret branch of the government tried to seize, but instead caused to collapse. He yelped when it said to itself "Palafin." He couldn't bare to watch the climax, sobbing pitifully while squeezing his eyes shut, looking down and repeatedly chomping down on the blanket you two shared.

"It's Ok, Hass..." You said, rubbing his shoulder.

You had tried to warn him, but in all fairness, it'd take a lot of effort to properly warn anyone of the emotions involved watching it without spoiling the entire movie.

He leaned into you, his eyes still closed, tears still managing to escape.

"Th-thank you, my dearest..." He sniffles.

You felt bad for even having it as an option, but then again, he seemed to enjoy it despite the... sorrowful conclusion. You gave him a little while to let it all out, holding him tight and rubbing his back as he bawled his eyes out into your shoulder. You were so sucked up in comforting him that you almost forgot-

Gasp!

You sat up abruptly, although you hold onto Hassel so he's still lying on you.

"The ending scene!"

He's teary-eyed, but he looks over to the TV screen.

"The ending has not happened yet?"

"No! Or at least, not the true ending."

You smirk and look down at him like a Purrloin caught stealing but absolutely not regretting it, although his eyes are still sad. Either way, he kept watching, when...

"It... it is rebuilding itself?"

"Yeah! I mean, the movie never got a sequel, which sucks, but hey! Open-ended bittersweet endings are one of my favorite kinds!"

He seemed to feel slightly better, sniffling a bit as he sat up and wiped his nose.

"Ah, I-I see..." He said, slowly calming himself down. He took a few deep breaths before turning to you.

You feel the need to apologize.

"Hey, sorry I, uh, brought that movie out in the first place."

He looked at you, a weak smile on his face.

"Do not apologize, my dear! I can see why you and many others consider it a cult-classic. It was a marvellous story despite the turmoil in my heart. Perhaps even partially because of it."

He seemed hesitant to say the next part, sitting with his legs up to his chest.

"I, um, had a fantastic time with you tonight."

He turned to look at you, eyes sparkling due to the light of the TV.

"Really, I did."

There was so much warmth in his tear-stained face.

"I'm glad! I just wanted to see you let your guard down, haha!"

"Ah, I see..." He said, eyes darting to the side as he turned away, contemplation on his face.

The two of you sat in silence for a moment as he thought on what all just happened. You decided to close your eyes, lightly humming a tune to yourself. It wasn't one that existed, or even made sense really, but it was your own little melody.

"Ah, I have always wondered, is that a song you like?"

"Hehe, nah, just a melody I made up one day."

"Oh. It is very pleasant." He smiled.

"Thank you!" You smiled back.

^^^>

He had gone home later that night after you forced him to stay for pizza and a few episodes of a show you used to watch. He went for a salad instead, not wishing to feel sluggish on his way home, although you got him to eat one singular solitary slice. All-in-all, it was a very good night. You got him to smile and laugh again despite watching such a sad movie just an hour before.

It was now Friday, three days later. You knew he'd have something special planned for his students today, as he did every other Friday. You wondered what it'd be as you reorganized the shelf housing the Occulture Magazine again. You idly wondered how accurate the entries were when you heard a bell.

"Oh, classes are out already?"

You had already kept up with what the students in the entrance hall were up to that day, since there weren't many there to really pick up after, so really, all you had to do was a final check of the catalog you started earlier so you could pop by and see what Hassel had done that evening.

It took a bit over 30 minutes to wrap everything up, but you finished, signing out of your work computer and making your way over to the art room.

When you reached the door, you heard a familiar tune. You wondered what it was, before suddenly realizing something: it's the tune you hum! He remembered it? Has he hummed it before?

You entered the classroom, prepared to ask him how he remembered the erratic tune so well when you decided to see if he was in a state to even be distracted. Hassel was sitting at a desk, adding various dots with the aid of a thin paintbrush to a canvas he had. You assumed it was glitter or stars.

He looked up at you, neutral expression turning into a huge grin.

"Oh, my darling! Come over here! I have something I'd like to show you!"

You did as he said, coming over as he himself stood up to meet you at the other side of the desk.

He held up a painting, and by Arceus was it gorgeous. It was of Celesteela, flying into space, a content look on its face despite the doom looming over it.

"I used this as an example for today's lesson." He began. "I was inspired by our movie night earlier this week. I thought of the many pieces of media that make one feel things, the images and words that truly stick with you that came from another mind, how we often analyze and relate to them. So I decided to base this Friday's special on that very concept! Everyone was allowed to draw and paint their own favorite scenes from the movies, shows, and games they enjoy."

You nodded, still taking in all the details of his painting. He based it off a real photo of Celesteela, a sorta modern "glow up" of sorts that make the familiar scene truly pop.

He continued.

"This piece was meant to represent the acceptance Celesteela showed during the climax of the film. How it smiled despite facing what it thought at the time was oblivion. How it..." He swallowed and blinked harshly a few times. "...it would do anything for... the ones they lub... w-without he... hesi-"

You put a hand on his shoulder, smiling. The man looked back down at you, obviously on the brink of tears as he swallowed and sniffled a bit.

"Heh... I suppose you wouldn't need my analysis, seeing as though that tape of yours was so well-loved."

He had taken note of how the label on the tape wasn't perfectly pristine.

You scoffed, playfully rolling your eyes.

"Yeah, well..." You continued to look off to the side. "I like it when things make me feel things."

He softly laughed, a few stray tears finally escaping. He closed his eyes while leaning his head back for a moment.

"Yes, I can tell. You seem to enjoy learning about descriptive words and how specific they can get..."

He trailed off before wiping his tears away, finally looking down at you again.

"Well, speaking of, would you like to... accompany me at my booth for the academy's upcoming fair? It would be nice to teach people more ways to express themselves and how they feel about the things they consume. It is truly saddening to see people keep their opinions to themselves simply because they do not know how to accurately bring their thoughts into the world. And as a self-proclaimed 'word nerd', your area of expertise would be an excellent addition to my own inspiration station, alleviating the frustration they feel and helping them dig up what they feel inside."

You blinked. Hassel, the Hassel wanted to work with you? You thought he was far more articulate than you, often gnawing at what he says in your mind and trying to emulate that vibe in your emails. I mean, you often said "lmao" in real life. Having an interest in words sadly didn't make you a wordsmith of any sort. Did he see something in the way you speak or express yourself that you didn't?

"I'll d-do it."

Woah, how nervous were you? Or, rather, how eager were you?

Hassel's golden eyes shone as he grinned, ecstatic at your 'yes'.

"Ah, do not worry, my dear! You will do amazingly, I just know it."

Looks like you're gonna need to break out the thesaurus.

^^^>

It was the afternoon of the "Treasures Within" fun fair. Hassel's booth was really fun, he'd do his usual demo thing while also personally helping people start their artistic journeys when they didn't quite know where to go after each session. His advice came from a place that personally helped him cope and start his life anew in his past, although he didn't delve into just how it helped, only that he understands the struggle.

As for you, if someone wanted to articulate exactly how they felt about a piece of art or music, you'd hold a "mind unraveling" session, where you picked out certain themes they repeated or tried to go deeper in until they felt confident in describing what it is they feel with words that felt right. You thanked yourself for having the forethought to read up and watch a bunch of impassioned speeches online ahead of time.

It was a month of you hiding your anxiety from Hassel, but you can tell he knew, as he not-so-subtly tended to your every unspoken need, such as making tea whenever you were too busy reading, or having a comfy spot prepared whenever you came to his room to discuss your plans. He would even manage to check in on you more often than usual despite needing to tend to things on his own end.

Nothing could really get past him, could it?

As you were finishing up helping a kid who wanted to express just why he loved a drawing where Regieleki and Xurkitree became friends so much, you turn to see Hassel already looking at you, a familiar fond smile on his face.

"I would say today was a success, no?"

You pause for a split second, although you're not sure why. You respond, however.

"Oh yeah, for sure! I'd say we make a great team, even!"

Now it was Hassel's turn to pause, although his is far more noticeable. Jolting slightly, his mouth suddenly presses together into a tight line as a blush erupts on his face. He pretends to not realize this, although he looks tense.

"I certainly agree, my dear-"

His voice momentarily rises in pitch as he abruptly chokes and doubles over at the end, turning away. It sounded genuine, although you wondered if it'd have happened if you didn't say what you did.

You couldn't help but look back on all his odd behaviors around you lately.

"Um, yes!"

You turn to a vendor.

"I'm..."

You momentarily turn back to the man, pointing over your shoulder to the stand.

"I'm gonna go get some juice. For you, specifically."

You then turn and leave without another word.

^^^>

It was night. The fun fair has long since been cleared out in Mesagoza, but the two of you were nowhere near the town anymore. In fact, you were on top of the lighthouse on Poco Path.

Your eyes were closed, taking in that sea breeze. You cooed softly as you felt the gentle wind cut through the otherwise muggy night. Despite the humidity, it felt nice, reminding you of summer nights as a child.

Your train of thought came to an abrupt halt at this realization, however.

What was the weather like where Hassel used to live?

You opened your eyes, slowly turning toward the man, who also had his own closed. He had a calm smile on his face. You didn't want to ruin it, but you couldn't help but feel bad. He left all that was familiar to him due to circumstances he couldn't control, at the hands of his own family, no less. You wondered if he had any particular places, feelings, or things he missed, but you decided to ask a different question.

"...hey, uh... Hass?"

His smile widened for a split-second before he responded, eyes still closed.

"Yes, my dear?"

You didn't know how to begin.

"Does this weather make you think of anything?"

His smile fell to a neutral frown as he thought.

"Hm. What do you mean?"

How do you ask this question without annoying him...?

"L-like, this weather reminds me of summer break, when I'd open my window past my usual bedtime and stare at the stars. Does this weather make you feel nostalgic in any way? Like, sentimental and peaceful and stuff?"

You look down, stretching the bottom hem of your top a little. "It's just an intense feeling I'm getting, sorry."

He takes a moment to ponder this question.

"Ah, no worries. We often feel the need to relate with others in regards to our intense feelings and emotions. But to answer your question, it does, yes."

This answer both relieved and confused you further. He seemed fine answering, but it was somewhat vague. You decided not to push it, however, just glad he didn't take it the way you thought he might (not that it'd be wrong if he didn't want to answer it at all.)

"Right on, man. Right on..."

You turned away and stared back out into the distance. The silence that swept over the scene felt loose, fluid, running through and around the two of you like some unknown substance.

You weren't sure if you should add anything onto the conversation, but his voice decided what would happen instead.

"I... have a confession to make, actually."

You froze.

"Yeah?"

He took a deep breath.

"That feeling you often speak of, the one where you feel a lightness in your chest and peace wash over you. A peaceful sadness, even, I do not really feel when I think of 'home' anymore. I feel nothing. "

You take his words in. It made sense, really, but it made you sad beyond belief.

He continued.

"Yes, that feeling of longing, a-and belonging, I know it may be hard to truly grasp, but trust me when I say I am fine with my decisions, that I cannot say I regret leaving my old life behind even if I do miss certain aspects of it from time to time. The negatives here far outweigh the positives there."

You nodded. Honestly, this convo was all your mind needed to extinguish your curiosity for a good while. He left home, and he's content with his current life, no matter how much he may miss certain aspects of it. No elaboration needed.

Except, there was some elaboration needed, only it was needed elsewhere.

"Oh! And your confession? Or was that your confession?"

He paused, body tensing as his grip on the handrails tightened. His breathing became slightly labored as a blush creeped onto his face.

"Um, well..."

He mumbled an "Oh dear..." to himself before continuing.

"When I said I have things here that make me feel at home, I meant the connections I've made. I love the people in my life far more than I love my family. I still care for them, yes. I can confidently say I love them, but I cannot say I actually like them."

He wasn't looking at you. Your mind was swimming with possibilities for what he planned on saying next, although you had the faintest idea...

"I... am very fond of you, too. I often find that I feel that peaceful feeling around you in particular."

He swallowed, eyes stinging with tears he tried desperately to blink away. He was holding his composure quite well, actually. You subconsciously held your breath.

"My darling dearest, I cannot hide how I feel for much longer, no matter how hard I try... I think... I believe I am... falling in love with you."

Your mind went blank as you stared up at the man, heart and stomach dropping in an instant. His eyes have closed yet again. His shuddering shoulders and shaky breath gave everything away, however.

He lifted his arm, covering his eyes as you continued to stare wide-eyed at him.

"I am so very sorry, my dear! I-I hobe you do nod feel cornered by my conbession!" He sobbed. "I shall make my leab ib- ib you wish do be aloooone! BWUHH-HU-HU-HU-HUHHHHH!!"

You could barely understand what he was saying. He had already started to walk away when you finally closed your mouth. You weren't even aware you were gaping at him, the confession shutting your senses down despite halfway expecting something along these lines at this point. You guessed actually hearing him say it was different to speculating quietly to yourself...

"W-wait! Mr. Hassel!"

You grabbed his free arm, stopping him from getting any further. His cries continued, however.

"I-I'm sorry! I was just so shocked, I-"

You look down, still processing the feeling of your heart pounding in your chest. You hadn't even realized you were shaking so much until you realized how oddly... weak your grip on his arm felt.

"I-I jus-"

He took a few rapid half-breaths before stopping you.

"You do nod h-hab do gib me a resbonse! Nod now, nod eb-eberrrrr!"

You considered this. Truthfully, the idea of giving dating Hassel a shot didn't seem half-bad. You looked up to him, admired his skill and his strength despite everything he's been through. Not to mention, you admittedly found the man kinda cute. His personality just struck you as so sincere, taking his work and emotions very seriously. He's a very honest man, so he must truly love you. You'd definitely feel secure with him...

"...you're right... about the me needing time thing." You began. "B-but once I sort my feelings out, maybe we can get to know each other some more?"

He was still trembling, breath catching up with him as he hyperventilated. But a few seconds later, while heavily panting, he could respond.

"I-I would lub that!!"

He had turned to you, eyes still closed, head still tilted back, but he grabbed both of your hands and gently brought them up a little closer to himself. As he finally caught his breath and started breathing at a normal pace (aside from the large, shallow breaths he took), he slowly opened his eyes, looking at you, blush ever present on his face. His eyes sparkled with an intensity you'd never seen before as he smiled, the bottoms of his eyes crinkling as he did so. For a split-second, he looked like a young man again...

The two of you stood there, a tranquil feeling coming over you, when you heard him start to whimper. His mouth wobbled for a second before he suddenly started bawling again, causing your eyes to widen. You then let out an odd chuckle.

"Oookay, big guy. C'mere."

You took him into a hug, causing him to cry even louder as he let his overwhelming emotions out.

^^^>

It had been a few weeks. You were thinking back on everything that had happened. The moment you realized 'maybe he feels stronger feelings toward me than I thought.' How he went along with your weird plans despite having better things to do, how he looked out for your well-being by going above and beyond for you and truly understanding your needs, how he always praised and incorporated you into his work...

You absent-mindedly flip through some pages of Occulture Magazine. It really didn't seem too realistic now that you actually had a chance to sit down and read through it, but strangely enough, that wasn't really what you were thinking about right now.

You stand up, putting the book back on the shelf, a smile on your face as you make your way to the art room. He was on break at the moment.

You approach the open door, leaning against it and knocking, catching his attention.

"O-oh! Hello there!" He quickly clears his throat. "I'm very happy to see you! What brings you here?"

You look around, making sure nobody was there to hear this.

"Hoooow about... we go see a movie this Saturday?"

^^^>

A/N

I KNOW THIS STORY IS A LITTLE ODD! Like, he seems to be madly in love with you already, to an obvious degree, but this is the first time you take note of anything, right? Well, it's one of those "Oh yeah, there were signs" sorta situations. The pottery night you had with him was a small hint that he was already looking out for your well-being well before this and giving you special attention, but you just didn't think much of it. Plus, he's quite emotional, you imagine that once he finds a friend he feels safe around, his even more complex feelings come out. Which, true, but also HE DOES STUFF AROUND YOU THAT HE ONLY DOES AROUND YOU BUT YOU DON'T NOTICE CAUSE HE IMMEDIATELY CHANGES HIS BEHAVIOR ONCE HE REALIZES YOU'RE NEARBY. You defo noticed that behavior change, but again, he changes a bit around close friends already, and you didn't really have a point of reference for what his "normal" is (yet)

Sorry, I just love the pining dude genre, gimme some more oblivious love interests for male characters, please! Your gender still isn't stated, I just wanted Hassel to be the one to be super soft and like "Yes please notice me" while you're like "Huh. Cool. He just asked to take me to a new café. So anyway, how about some more weirdly specific words?" IT'S SUPER CUTE AHH

Also, speaking of, the story was gonna have them going to a café instead of a walk, and him talking about some beautiful customs and traditions from around the world and bringing up the Applin thing as a super duper totally subtle hint at his feelings, but you'd genuinely not know of that tradition before, so you'd just see it as a neat little cultural tidbit, but then I was like "bruh they just had tea", so I changed it to them spending time together like kids cause I thought it'd be cute if you got through to him to get him to experience things from a childhood he couldn't enjoy (even if it is more based on your own childhood, you're trying! Consider the night they shared here a test run). No worries, in future installments, reader will begin to fully understand what he went through growing up (I tried to make their questions less about his family and more about his life in general, but of course, the two are forever linked.) The idea of the little fair came randomly, based on the fact that all the gym leaders seem to have some career where they express themselves (even Larry with his "normal old job(s)," although obviously it's all more complicated than that), plus the entire game has frequent themes of people finding where they fit in life, what they wanna do, their dreams/goals, things like that. It's pretty interesting, actually, I can't articulate myself well tho so RIP I guess

ALSO ALSO not gonna edit this one cause the Tumblr app COULD NOT HANDLE IT LAST TIME so yeah

OH YEAH I HAVEN'T SEEN THE IRON GIANT IN 66 MILLION YEARS SO SORRY, I JUST TOOK WHAT I REMEMBERED AND POKÉ-FIED IT, I'm just going to use the excuse that the legends of the Ultra Beasts go WAY back, so the Celesteela in the movie may look simplified by comparison due to them not having a complete picture of it compared to the characters in S/US/M/UM. The movie doesn't even say its name, simply referring to it as the Steel Ultra Beast because nobody knew their names yet

[qprstories]

Introduction

Hello, and welcome to qprstories! This blog was created by me, mod Ari (they/he), to document the experiences people have had being in QPRs! While searching around online to figure out my own thoughts and feelings about QPRs, I noticed that a lot of content online only explains what QPRs are on a surface level. This can be helpful to those who have never heard of them, but not much else. Relationships, in my mind, are best not understood by their dictionary definition but by the experiences of the people in them. For friendships, romantic relationships, and other common types of relationships in our society, this really isn’t a problem, but QPRs are so niche that barely anything exists about real people’s real life experiences with them. A resource for people’s experiences in QPRs, then, would foster a deeper understanding of them for everyone, including those seeking a QPR, those in QPRs, and those looking to understand them. Hence, this blog.

What even is a QPR, anyways?

QPRs, short for queerplatonic relationships, are difficult to define because the exact meaning and terms of a QPR are determined by those involved. They are meant to a respite for those who do not wish to conform to society’s expectations surrounding romantic and platonic relationships. Generally, QPRs occupy an “in-between” between friendship and romance, offering more commitment and intimacy than what is typical of friendship without the feelings and expectations of romantic relationships. Many a-spec (aromantic and asexual) people are drawn to QPRs because it allows them to have a committed relationship without the possibly unfavorable expectations of feelings and intimacy romantic relationships offer. However, anyone can be in a QPR, it is not restricted to only aspec people. QPRs can involve anything those involved desire, including sex and raising children together, but they may not. They can be polyamorous and monogamous, and you can be in a QPR and a romantic relationship at the same time. It depends on the relationship.

What’s gonna be on this blog?

This blog is not an askblog, but it does rely greatly on asks. If you have had any experiences with QPRs and being in one, please share them! It can be as simple as a time you really enjoyed “hanging out” with your QPP or as complex as the entire story of your past/present QPP. Additionally, if you have memes or your own thoughts about QPRs you would like to share, please, send them! That’s literally what this blog exists for. The only rules are as follows

It must be related to QPRs, or more broadly, queerplatonic attraction/the concept in general. You are welcome to talk about other topics as long as they relate to QPRs in some way.

No sexually explicit content. I am a minor and also sex repulsed. That doesn’t mean you can’t talk about having sex in a QPR... feel free to do so! Just nothing explicit, please.

No discourse or bigotry.

And that’s all!

Along with asks, this blog will also contain reblogs of other content relating to QPRs, like memes, text posts, and others. As I am also currently in a QPR of my own, I might also post stories of my own.

To make this blog easy to navigate, I’m going to use a tagging system to allow you to see the type of posts you want to see. They are:

#qprstories: Stories from people in QPRs, whether they be others or my own.

#myqprstories: Stories belonging to me, Mod Ari. My posts will be tagged with #qprstories as well as this tag.

#qpradvice: Advice about QPRs, may include reblogs.

#qprmemes: Memes about QPRs, may include reblogs.

#qprpostivity: Positivity about QPRs, may include reblogs

#qprthoughts: Thoughts about QPRs (think like, textposts), may include reblogs.

#qprupdates: Updates about this blog. 

#qprmisc: Anything that does not fit into the above categories.

One last note

If you know anyone who would appreciate this blog or are active on other social media platforms, please, share this! I want this resource to help as many people as possible.

Tagging some popular blogs with QPR-related content to spread the word: @queerplatonicpositivity @qpr-culture-is @ace-aro-queerplatonic-positivity

[trashlie]

Hello, random anon here who really really loves your posts and who has been so very inspired by all these incredible bouncing thoughts! One thing that's lingered on my mind after reading everyone’s incredibly rich analyses is the idea of Nol and Shin-ae finally meeting on common ground; to meet face-to-face without barriers of blindness. I think it’s purposeful that in both of their most recent interactions, it’s the imbalance between them that ultimately forces Shin-ae and Nol apart: During their dance, Nol literally blinds himself, and of course literally it is to hide his tears, but it also subtextually indicates how he has to impair himself to be at her level–because how could he say her pure, radiant joy without romantic connotations? And then of course, Shin-ae is literally blinded by her inability to understand both Nol’s and her own feelings, and we see just how painfully uneven their conversation is as a result! Like you put it, they’re reading from different pages in a book–or maybe more aptly, they’re reading from the same book but only Nol knows the translation and Shin-ae’s just looking at the pictures? I’m so sorry that analogy is so convoluted but hopefully makes a little sense…

And honestly, on that basis, I’m really glad Nol didn’t confess, because how unfair would that be to Shin-ae? Her conflicting feelings about Dieter aside, it would be like teaching someone to read by pointing at the words and yelling at them to match the sounds to the letters instead of letting them understand what the characters meant first–it puts her in such a passive, reactive position because they wouldn’t actually be communicating; he’d more just be imposing onto her. Instead, now Shin-ae can have time to recalibrate, sleep (my poor girl needs some sleep lol) and figure things out for herself. I think it’s fitting that by the end of the resolution of this arc, it will be on Shin-ae’s shoulders to be active, to make that move, because she’s been so heavily disadvantaged since Nol realized his feelings, since her entire perception of him has been uprooted and she’s had to redefine everything for herself (my poor girl really really needs some sleep :”DD). Because Shin-ae comprehending the gravity of her feelings–why she reaches out time and time again, constantly grasping for him despite her past history of betrayal, despite how volatile and unsteady he is–gives her autonomy to choose him and know what that choice means. She needs to be the one to determine the course forward for both of their sakes!

On that note… oh boy. I think one of the things I really admire about Stalkyoo as a pairing is how just in-synch that they end up in multiple moments. They’re soulmates in every sense of the word because if nothing else, they’re drawn to each other on the basis of their shared thoughts and feelings. My favorite detail that really emphasizes this synchronization is the shared speech bubbles–something that a viewer would probably miss on first read, but shows just how in-tune they are to each other, how they reflect two sides of the same coin. More so, they showcase the moments where they’re most synchronous, operating at the same rhythm–and in both cases where they show up, the interaction is just effortless. And look… I might be very delusional but I’m really hoping that this regaining of at least somewhat more even ground could lead to something like that again. We already saw a glimpse of it during their dance–even Shin-ae commented on it!–but at the same time that divide still existed, and I think you could definitely point out that Nol was definitely taking the reins due to it. The knowledge of both their feelings, the sudden, entire change in their dynamic as the weight of everything falls onto their shoulders needs room to solidify and take root, but it could also lead to that wholly shared experience–the kind that’s just wholly theirs. And if the shared speech/thought bubbles make a re-entrance……. I actually don’t know I would just jjgeieghiegoo. For this arc in particular–heck, even these consecutive arcs where Nol and Shin-ae’s dynamic has been thrown so utterly off-balance, where Shin-ae has been left grappling with so much to carry and come to terms with and yet it has done nothing but solidify how much she cares and loves him, how she will reach out in spite of it… the hospital arc in general has literally been a moment of calm in comparison to the rest of it, where they can finally settle and Nol cannot run and it has somehow become a bed for literal forced introspection? Lmao????--I feel like a regaining of such a pivotal part of them and their shared feelings and synchronization is just kind of, thematically, the perfect place to end it off? And if I’m not being delusional and that actually is the case I’d be so so so excited for that because aghghghhhh I love this angst because the resolution and pay-off will be so so good and I can’t wait to see how this will take us there.

Oh anon I love you pls accept my confession I am sitting in my little office shouting YES YES YESSSSS at the ceiling AAAAHHHHHHHH you have such a good way of saying things that I'm about to pounce allll over!

The fact that both of them are blind in different ways is one of my FAVORITE things to come out of this episode (and I love that you put it far more succinctly than I could). The impairment because he CANNOT absolutely CANNOT be normal (platonic) about dancing with her lmao. Actually what really gets me about that moment is that when she brings up him leaving and breaks that dream moment and he starts crying, he could just as easily hide in the bathroom or something but he insists on having the dance anyway. He wants it, even if he's in this state, but yes, he has to hide it because honestly? Seeing that joy, that delight on her face? Would probably make him cry MORE. Would be so unbearable! In that moment he is dancing with her knowing how he feels, what he wants. Even crying, he probably wouldn't be able to hide those feelings UUGGGGHHHH excuse me while I HOWL about this oh my GOD

But, yes! Mutually blind and only Nol knows how to translate that page they're on! I love the idea that she's only seeing the pictures, she doesn't know how they go together she's missing the captions and the text. She's so busy trying to make sense of the pictures in the only way she knows how that she isn't taking in the necessary information to figure it out!

Also I LOVE how you put it - that it's like telling her the word instead of teaching her to read it herself! It's so important for Shinae to learn to navigate her feelings without being spoonfed or told what it means. She IS a bit socially stunted - not dramatically, but we know she lacks Nol's art for reading the room lol we know there's a lot she's never experienced before. How do you identify love when you don't really know what it looks or tastes like? How do you learn to define something so intense and grand as that? @poisonheart puts it SO WELL in showing how Nol compares to Minhyuk because this is all she has to compare it to. How can this be anything BUT friendship but caring? And that's just not it. It's not that it's NOT that - it's that it's a different form that she has to discover.

I think it’s fitting that by the end of the resolution of this arc, it will be on Shin-ae’s shoulders to be active, to make that move, because she’s been so heavily disadvantaged since Nol realized his feelings, since her entire perception of him has been uprooted and she’s had to redefine everything for herself

This is what I love SO MUCH about Nol not speaking his feelings yet. It's so easy to influence someone or impose your feelings without meaning to. When you think about it, even a confession is, to some degree, a burden; it's just that when it's received well it's not considered that way. Shinae felt that burden when she rejected Dieter, but she still felt it trying to navigate friendship with him - when he looked at her that way at the amusement park, when he talked about what he likes about her.

But especially because Nol is that person who feels like he is so unlovable - so dangerous, so monstrous, that his love will only end up hurting someone - to leave it to her to make that move, to consciously choose him knowing what it entails, how he feels about himself. To actually chase and hold on to him knowing WHY she's fighting so hard to keep him. She wants to see HIM - his face! She wanted to share that INCREDIBLY tender dance together and see each other. And when she finally sits back and realizes those feelings, when she can comprehend the gravity of her need to hold him close to keep him from leaving, when she can understand exactly what she actually fears about him throwing all of this away - god it will be SO good!!!!!!!

Because as much as Nol is scared - and we know he's SO scared - she will probably be, too. Such new, raw, overwhelming feelings, feeling something about someone that she has never really felt before - even if she's been feeling it all along!!!!! - would be SO scary. And it would be AWFUL to be put on the spot, confessed to and made to confront her own feelings before she's ready, before she knows them. Nol nudging her is THE best option - make her ruminate on why she cares, what he means to her.

Shinae being the one to address it, to choose to do anything about it, is what makes it so special. Even if it ultimately ends up that she can see she does, in fact, love him but it scares her so much but she still doesn't want to let him go. For Nol, who thinks he's so unlovable, to be unconditionally loved would be so LAKFJAFJKAFJAFJ ;A; /ROARS I don't have words!!!!!! lmao I cannot get over the significance of it being on her shoulders, of her being the one who induces resolution - because there's no way he's going to jail without this resolving. Even if she's afraid of her feelings, she will still find a way to face him, so that he doesn't leave without knowing.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I'm getting so ahead of myself and I just can't help it!!!!!

But yes yes there's something SO good about Shinae having that agency in a story where it's felt like she's had SO little agency. Even in her own relationship with Nol where he has tried to strip her and the boys of their agency! For her to be able to turn back around and say that she's made her decision? Oh I LOVE that for her! Maybe this is me out on my delusional limb but I feel like obviously Nol would not be pushing this way if he didn't want it, you know? Like, it's so easy to be like "This is Nol, though, he'll keep pushing her away" - but yeah, this is Nol and he doesn't half-ass like anything he does. That morning when he realized when she was out of the room that he was not responding to morphine but was, in fact, responding to Shinae? That he was finding comfort in Shinae?

When she returned with their friends and the sweetest birthday celebration, when she hastily pulled together a celebration for him when she pointedly made sure that he knew he was loved.

When she stayed by his side so insistent that she not sleep that she not let him slip through her fingers again that she keep herself awake so that she doesn't miss a remaining moment

When she got so shy and embarrassed about the gift she thought so lackluster but touched him right where he needed it, pulled together all those little moments and what they meant - really meant - to him.

He acted so decidedly! It wasn't a flippant little flirty flirty that just happens. It was him, seeing her for all that she means to him, seeing her as this person he feels so deeply about and acting on it.

SCREAMS LKAFKJAFKJFAJKFAJA anon i am DYING i'm trying oh my god i'm trying ;A;

That's the thing. Nol had decided. He knew and he knew what he wanted even when he inevitably pushed her away. You can tell that he didn't even WANT her to go that time - he's just so lost in his own fears and insecurities and yes that he could not bear to look at her during a moment like that when he feels like that - and the regret was INSTANT.

He had every opportunity to hide, to deny those feelings to squash them down. He, too, could have lied and denied what it is, that it means anything, but he knows and he knows Dieter knows and by telling Shinae to convince him - convince him it's only friendship, convince him it's not anything more, convince him this is normal platonic amounts of love and care - he was giving her that agency.

He wants her to tell him what he suspects - what his insecurities and fears won't let him believe. He wants her to be honest with herself and understand why she holds him so dearly, lifts him so high, why she puts up with everything he throws her way and still keeps trying.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH I TOLD YOU I CANNOT BE NORMAL THE HINGES ARE ALL THE WAY OFF I'M SO UNHINGED I AM DRUNK ON THEM ;___________;

God where was I?

And if the shared speech/thought bubbles make a re-entrance……. I actually don’t know I would just jjgeieghiegoo

I WILL ALFJKAFJKAFJ AFLKJAFKJFAJKAFKJJAFFJAKAF I don't even have words for it because I've already gone so feral that I cannot emphasize how MUCH the return of the thought bubbles will make me shed my humanity and become a wild, carnal creature howling in the woods.

I, TOO, LOVE THIS ABOUT THEM SO MUCH!!!!! The mirroring!!!! The reflection of how they both feel, the things they struggle with so much!!!!!!! The THOUGHT! OF SHARED THOUGHT BUBBLES ABOUT HOW THEY FEEL ABOUT EACH OTHER! WHAT THEY MEAN TO EACH OTHER. THE SHARED/MUTUAL FEAR OF LOSING THE OTHER AND HOW MUCH THEY MEAN OH MY GOD alfkjkajfjkafkjafjf

Nol and Shinae a mirror to each other - to their fears and insecurities and struggles BUT TO MIRROR THE GOOD THINGS, TOO. How fiercely they believe in each other, how much the other means to them, what they have done to help each other grow!!!!!!!!!!! Not even the same thing but thinking of that smile Nol wore when Shinae used his words to tell Dieter to stop beating himself up!!!!!!!!!! Using his words to become a kinder, more considerate version of herself (or rather, to be the version of herself she's always been but just down her walls). Even that time after the nuggie hands and the shared earbuds (HOW DID SHE SURVIVE THAT) when his words played over her mind that night GOD. I LOVE! THEM! Seeing something in each other because they've seen it in themselves! That is something I look so forward to about them synching up. There are always going to be times they fall out of sync - that is human nature. We stumble we miss a beat we miss a step - but being right there to help each other back up. The "I, too, have stumbled like this and I, too, will believe in you" and GOD aflkjafkjfjkajakjkafjkafjkafjaf

That's what just GETS to me about them so much!!!!!!!!! It's that, yes!!!!!!!! How good they are when they're in synch and what it does for them as people, how it helps them continue to grow and nurture each other as well as themselves ;_____; There is so much potential between them and I don't think they would be mirrored the way they are if it was all for naught. Nol can read Shinae so well because there's so much of himself in her. They share that same self-loathing!!!! The wanting to care but being afraid. Nol claimed he didn't want those relationships to mean anything - yet he still reached out. He still wanted to be a friend. Deep down he wanted to be proved wrong, that he, too, is loveable, that he, too, can bring goodness into the world even if he can't bring it to his own life I'M ANGUISHED

Shinae has that same determination and resolve to fight off help and to go at it alone, and that's why she knows she has to be persistent. Why, instead of feeling like maybe he's a lost cause and she should give up, she knows what he really needs is that persistence, and maybe a new angle.

And lmao isn't that the thing - she doesn't know it but she already has that angle!!!!!!!!! She can reach him in a different way, on a different plane. He wants her to!!!!!!!! Even though he tells himself no he's waiting for her to take that key and open the door!!!!! AAAUUGGGGHHHHHHHHH

i feel so much alfjafkajkf LMAO

Anon, when those shared thought bubbles return I'm running to you. I know you're an anon and I can't run TO you but pls! Heed my Stalkyoo signal when I banshee shriek into the night

But yes I totally agree! To me it feels like we CANNOT move the story forward without them on the same page again. That's what all of their discord is about, what their confrontation is about! I keep repeating this, but to lead into Nol off to prison with no resolution of their feelings is just as bad as if he'd not showed up at this party. In fact, it would undo all of that because what would if all mean if they left things unresolved, festering and becoming bitter and unpleasant.

Nol physically cannot run away - and there's a part of him that's becoming more resolved, I think. He kicked Shinae out, sure, but when he doesn't have to fight to get through to her? If she returns armed with the knowledge (WITH THE KEY TO THAT DOOR!!!!) If they can read the page together, understand it together, if they stand together in sync on the same page aware of everything between them?

GOD you're right. If not now, when?

IF NOT MEANT TO HAPPEN, WHY FIGHT NOW?

I can't take this. The next couple months will be EXCRUCIATING AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[justafairytailofinnocence]

Aro volturi x reader

a dancing dream✨

Summary: a masquerade is being held at Volterra, a certain vampire from y/n’s dreams asks for a dance.

word count: 729

A/n: sorry this is super short, I slightly was experimenting, let me know in the comments if you enjoyed this super short oneshot.

The night loomed over Volterra, there was lots of people lined up to enter the masquerade. Many had dressed in red and black wearing odd masks; some were of birds and other animals. I had no mask, I couldn’t be bothered, it was hard to breath, and I mostly wanted to stand on the sidelines. I wasn’t one for dancing, not like I couldn’t it was just I preferred not to. The ballroom was full of gold and crimson red textures, I was alone, I didn’t have many friends except for one but she wasn’t one for dresses and dancing. I kept walking through the crowd, my black dress flowed through the crowed. I had no reason to even bother with conversation, I wanted to sit down somewhere and listen to my music and daydream. I was a daydreamer and it’s one of my best abilities, I usually write stories and since lately not much has inspired me. I was quite free with my own imagination, and I haven’t exactly had much time for myself.

My dreams are probably the weirdest, it would start out with me being greeted by a man with black hair and crimson red eyes. I couldn’t remember much aside from feeling some sort of strange connection, it wasn’t exactly romantic, but something pulled me to him. I mostly feared him, I think it had something to do with his eyes, they seem to always be staring into my soul.

I sat down on a bench near by the hall of the ballroom, I couldn’t help but feel fear shiver through my body. It was like this place felt so familiar and yet I couldn’t put my fingers on it. I was quite young when my fear of the man increased, I couldn’t even bare to stare at him directly. My mind was blank after some time, I suppose I had forgotten about him. I stared into the distance, what caught my attention was a little figure. I couldn’t see their face because they wore a hood, I kept observing the hooded figure to see what they were doing. They turned around and immediately my heart dropped, red eyes, they had red eyes. I looked down, I was hoping they wouldn’t notice, but when my eyes drifted towards the left, I nearly screamed. Someone was sitting next to me, and my fear came back. I couldn’t believe it, I must’ve been dreaming or at least I hoped, my fear slowly rose further and further.

“My how curious, forgive me for startling you dear one” the man spoke with a harmonious tune, I sank into the seat like my life depended on it. “Ah, I see you fear me” he enjoyed my reaction as if it wasn’t new “no need, I do not wish to feast upon you my dear”. His voice didn’t help, all I wanted to do was run and perhaps erase my mind. My eyes couldn’t leave his and that’s what scared me, they seem to never blink. “I do sense something strange about you yes?” the man held his hand out “May I see dear child”. I didn’t want to even imagine what kind of weird hobbies this man gets up to in his spare time. I lightly pressed my hand against his, it was cold, far colder than Ice.

The man stared into my eyes although he wasn’t exactly looking at me but something else. I wasn’t entirely sure what he was doing but he stopped, I pulled my hand away out of fear. “How extraordinary, may I ask for a dance dear child” he stood up with grace, he held his hand out. I hesitated for a second before eventually taking his Icey, cold hand.

We began to slowly move to the music coming from outside the ballroom, we slowly danced as his eyes never left mine. I was afraid, afraid that this man from my dreams would kill me. I twirled and slowly moved to the rhythm like some sort of stiff doll. I quietly mentioned “I see you in my dreams, we have some connection, and I don’t why but I feel drawn to you”. The man smiled in fascination “such a fascinating phenomenon, perhaps you should stay”.

I had no idea nor what intentions this man had but all I could say is he was certainly fascinated.

Oneshot requests: open

[tsukuyomiland]

The thing about Fritz Wittelsbach is that he thought of the world as a rotten place and he was able to see beauty only in 3 things:

His rose garden, which he planted according to his tastes and was his refuge

Julia's virtue

The princess' beauty

He had a twisted sense of justice that made him believe he was right above any mortal circumstance, feeling no remorse when he murdered his own brother, thinking he was doing the right thing in its purest form. All the system he lived in was corrupt in its roots.

Supposedly, all this perspective changed when he met Julia, thinking she was able to make the world that would have avoided him doing what he did, a world in which the system would have punished his brother's crime. He saw her rule as a path to his wish. That's why he was willing to work for her.

But again, supposedly, his perspective would change again after meeting the princess. After being a witness of her sincere kindness, little by little he would think that the world can be changed through gentleness and compassion, and not through violence and resentment. Thinking that Julia and the Princess could combine their charm together, the world would finally reach the point of his dreams, even if he at last understands that it would mean he deserved to be punished in the end. He accepts this final punishment as long as his wish is fulfilled.

Fritz was created to be the Princess' love interest, and so he was destined to fall in love with her at some point. While towards Julia he held a feeling of adoration and duty, he was a fantasy of blind loyalty.

I made him with all these nuances. I feel sad my contribution, that was more than a simple contribution (I created the entire base of the character, including the background and physical looks) has been erased this way. I've been erased of many others, being the Princess the one which hurts me the most, since she was basically a self-insert of myself that I designed and created according to my tastes and was the initial base for Pallas, so the author attributing the character creation to herself is painful beyond words, but I've tried to solve it with her privately with no answer, so I guess I will have to learn to live with that.

Here is some of the art I made many years ago that prove the romantic involvement of these two back then.

I have a lot more of it that prove my strong involvement in the project, which as I say, it has been quite unfairly erased and my work uncredited, but even if it hurts me in the personal side, I can't say it has any influence in any of my current stories or projects, so it doesn't really has any impact anymore in my life. I even see the current project held by the author as a fun "derivative work" of my own and so I feel somehow attached to it, but I see it from very far away. I'm glad my past work has helped someone, even if that someone lies about its origin and roots.

Being quiet about this issue in the name of peace was hurting me to a bad extent, and since I feel it poisons my heart and taints my other good experiences, I think is good I purge it out of my system somehow. If I say this is not to attack anyone or ask for anything, but to heal myself. To be honest, I don't mind about Fritz, because I even gave the character to the author as a proof of good will, since she was attached to it, and so I guess I gave her the right to shape it to her likings. But the presence and use of the princess feels like a needle in my chest yet, because I somehow see her so unnecesary in the current storyline the author made... I feel she could have been simply removed, and the story would still work. Basically I see the author sticks so much to the other characters and I don't see any trace of the "beautiful friendship" she mentions anywhere. She has drawn and talked the other characters a lot, but yet she hasn't mentioned any interaction between both the princess and the protagonist, let alone I have seen yet any drawing of them together. As if doing it hurts her someway. And so it makes me feel that the Princess is truly unnecesary. Maybe I'm wrong, but from the outside, that is what I feel, and makes me feel that the princess presence in that story it's more a matter of pride and stubbornness than anything else.

In any case, if this is something I have to live with, I would prefer to talk about it. I don't even feel it as a grudge, I don't want to attack, I don't want to hurt.

I just want to heal.

[justafleck]

—  Her  point  is  valid  :  all  too  relatable  to  Arthur  .  He  was  never  born  a  monster  despite  how  many  years  he’s  spend  being  treated  as  such  .  Perhaps  once  upon  a  time  ,  his  mother  thought  of  his  birth  as  a  blessing  :  how  she  could  take  him  in  and  use  him  as  a  pawn  against  Thomas  Wayne  .  Leverage  to  get  Thomas  to  leave  his  wife  and  run  away  with  a  mentally  unstable  woman  .  But  when  it  failed  her  ,  he  became  a  husband  figure  to  her  rather  than  a  son  .  A  disgrace  not  good  enough  to  earn  Thomas  Wayne’s  affection  so   that  he’d  be  drawn  into Penny  and  they’d  become  ‘  the  perfect  family  ’  she  so  longed  for  but  instead  he’s  only  a  reminder  of  what  she  could  have  had  . She  used  him  :  abused  him  .  He  played  a  role  in  her  life  never  meant  for  a  son  and  fooled  him  into  thinking  it  was  normal  his  entire  life  .  The  way  her  eyes  would  linger  upon  his  features  because  it  reminded  her  of  Thomas  Wayne  and  she  fell  so  romantically  in  love  with   her  son  in  ways  she  never  should   have  but  when  he  would  do  something  or  say  something  Thomas  never  would  ,  he  was  reprimanded  .   Treated  as  if  he  were  nothing  more  than  a  nuisance  .  He  wasn’t  Thomas  Wayne  .  He  wasn’t  allowed  to  be  anything  but  Thomas  Wayne  .  So  instead  ,  he  became   a  burden  despite  how  his  entire  life  revolved  around  caring  for  her  .  He’s  grown  silent  ,  demeanor  shifting  into  something  dark  and  he  brings  the  cigarette  to  his  lips  to  nurse  the  brewing  anger  .  It  wasn’t  Betty’s  fault  :  he  wouldn’t  take  it  out  on  her  for  simply  asking  a  question  but  it  certainly  stirred  up  memories  he’s  suppressed  for  decades  . Ones  he  has  yet  to  speak  of  but  are  plastered  all  over  his  file  for  her  to  read  .

—  “  No  one  can  be  saved  from  that  .  ”  he  speaks  off  his  own  experiences  .  There  wasn’t  a  single  thing  that  could  take  away  his  pain  :  nothing  that  could  rewrite  history  nor  change  the  hollow  feeling  in  the  pit  of  his  heart  .  He’s  broken  ,  unfixable  .  Like  glass  that  was  shattered  into  a  million  shards  far  to  small  to  be  pieced  back  together  and  anyone  who  would  try  would  gash  their  palms  and  feel  the  pain  of  the jagged  ,  uneven  edges  of  his  damaged  soul  .  He’s  never  experienced  to  luxury  of  having  anyone truly  care  for  him  :  to  love  him  the  way  he  is  :  Arthur  Fleck  .  Who  would  want  him  when  he  holds  no  value  ?  He  doesn’t  believe  it’s  possible  ,  and  even  if  so  ,  love  cannot  cure  him  .  He’s  not  redeemable  and  he’s  long  since  accepted  his  fate  .  His  actions  are  justified  in  his  eyes  and  he  wouldn’t  take  any  of  it  back  .  “  I’ve  never  felt  happier  than  I  did  watching  her  die  by  my  hands  .  ”  Arthur  has  never  opened  up  about  his  mother  :  her  death  was  discovered  after  he’d  left  the  hospital  that  day  and  he’s  been  charged  for  it  ,  but  even  in  court  and  during  his  time  on  the  Murray  Franklin  show  ,  it’s  never  been  spoken  of  .  He  grieved  her  in  the  aftermath  , despite  all  the  things  she  did  to  him  .  He  still  does  ,  despite  the  utter  disdain  he  feels  for  her  .  Disgust .  The  first  night  alone  at  home  after  her  death  was  filed  with  despair  .  Laughter  ,  tears  .  He  didn’t  sleep  ,  nor  did  he  eat  .  He  was  banking  on  his  impending  suicide  on  the  Murray  Franklin  show  to  free  him  of  his  suffering  .   “  Nothing  can  change  that  and  if  it  makes  me  a  monster  ,  then  so  be  it  .  ”  emerald  eyes  lift  to  meet  Betty’s  .  They’re  ominous  .  Dark  .  And  they  cut  through  her  .  He  could  stare  at  them  for  hours  ,  they’re  deep  , mysterious  .  He  wants  to  caress  her  face  with  his  palm  , rest  his  forehead  against  hers  and  dive  into  her  ocean  eyes  .  Maybe  he’d  float  in  them  as  if  he  were  in  the  middle  of  the  sea  ,  the  water  gently  rocking  him  and  soothing  away  the  flurry  of  emotions  he  feels  in  the  moment  .  He  craves  comfort  but  he  knows  that  it  wasn’t  that  simple  .  That  even  Betty  couldn’t  execute  his  pain  .   So  he  stays  in  place  across  the  table  and  lets  his  imagination  drift  him  away  for  a  moment  .   —    But  he  brings  himself  back  as  he  sucks  in  a  breath  ,  ending  the  few  moments  of  silence  between  them  .  “  I  am  what  I  am  .  If  that  makes  me  a  bad  person  ,  then  she  was  the  antichrist  in  the  flesh  .  ”  he  stated  ,  using  the  hand  holding  his  cigarette  to  gesture  along  with  his  point  .  “  They  always  said  I  was  the  bad  guy  ,  you  know  .  ”  Even  back  when  he  tried  to  fit  in  :  tried  to  get  help  , people  viewed  him  as  a  monster  .  A  disgrace  .  He  might  as  well  accept  it  . So  he  did  .  And  now  they  fear  him  .   His  eyes  fall  from  her  to  watch  the  smoke  raise  from  the  end  of  his  cigarette  as  he  pondered  over  the  hundreds  of  thoughts  drifting  through  his  head  .  It’s  too  noisy  ,  the  room  is  silent  but  his  head  swirls  with  a  thousand  voices  .  “  Do  you  think  I’m  a  monster  ?  Betty  ?  ” 

continued: x @moonbcings​

[fuck-comphet]

can compulsive heterosexuality make you feel like you're asexual at times, even with women?

my sister started dating women at a time when I was questioning my own sexuality, and people kept on making sexual comments/jokes about it which they never did with her boyfriend

it makes me extremely uncomfortable, and I'm not sure if that has put me off from being attracted to other women

Your discomfort at people making sexual jokes/comments about your sister and her partners might be because it seems like a gross hypersexualization of her sapphic relationships, especially since it never happened for her straight relationships…. But I obviously don’t have the entire context so I could be wrong :/ Either way I completely understand not wanting to be in that situation yourself where attention is constantly drawn towards your sexuality/sex life.

What I will say is that comphet can mask asexuality in the sense that being asexual/aromantic is never presented as a viable option to us. We’re expected to become interested in sex and romance once we hit puberty and comphet pushes that further to impose heterosexuality on that “necessary” sexual/romantic attraction (using “necessary” in quotation marks because sexual/romantic attraction is actually not necessary to live a fulfilling and happy life). Comphet basically makes us ignore our own feelings and boundaries in order to fit the status quo.

I know that for me, I definitely questioned if I was on the ace spectrum when I was still dating men because I felt some lack of attraction and couldn’t figure out why or what it meant (feels obvious in hindsight lol), but that questioning never transferred when I thought about dating non-men.

Also you can be on the asexuality spectrum and still be a lesbian, those things are not mutually exclusive. Asexuality is a spectrum for a reason, everyone experiences it differently and to varying extents!

Remember there’s no rush at figuring yourself out, and whatever you identify as today or later on the queer community loves you 🏳️‍🌈💕

[corraven]

Sexuality and Being Wholesome

[Art by Adler the Eagle]

Adler the Eagle is an amazing individual who many are inspired by. He and his husband produce adorable and thoughtful content on YouTube and are one of the elements in the fandom that I would quickly point to when asked; "What's so great about being a furry?"

However, Adler is both a character and themselves. The actual truth is, they are only themselves, but they are so charming and naturally charismatic that people percieve them as being a troped up character. No. Adler is just a kind and loving individual with a full spectrum of thoughts, emotions, and desires just like you and me.

This apparently created some growing pains when fans of theirs branched out from just seeing their YouTube content to seeing them interact on Twitter and express their sexuality. This apparently broke down some preconceived notions and garnered a few unkind comments which resulted in Adler responding like this:

Just. The best. Possible. Response. 💜

This is a recurring theme with content creators across the internet. From Markiplier to Jaiden Animations, Adler to Imkrisyim. Each of these creators have had their own well done method of dealing with their consumers hyperfocusing on their sexuality. Markiplier did a nude calendar and donated the proceeds to charity, Jaiden addressed it once and shut it down, Imkrisyim got lots of porn drawn of themselves.

Everyone mentioned above are fundamentally wholesome and positive content creators. Something I strive to be, myself. When you watch my videos or streams, read my tweets or Tumblr posts, I want to be a comforting presence, to make you laugh and smile, to affect you positively and combat the woes of everyday life. I am also an adult living in a world with a wild variety of sexual expression that I engage in and proudly share. This has caused some confusion with recent followers who have been surprised to see me talk so openly about sex.

To a degree, I get it. I don't post porn openly, I can go weeks without a sexual topic on my feed. So let me break it down for you. I am one person, Cor. But I also portray another character; @yrieshadow, on streams and social media. Yrie was designed and meticulously thought out and continues to be developed upon. In fact, during the creation of Yrie and conceptualization of how I wanted to market them I addressed exactly the issue of others' sexualizing them.

Canonically; Yrie is ace, aloof, genderless, and unconcerned. They're a shadow. They've got no reproductive organs, and no desire to see your penis, even if it does look like an isopod. Yrie has no concept of sexuality beyond knowing that it's a thing that living creatures do. They get flustered when flirted with out of confusion, disdainful of sexual advances out of impropriety, and alarmed when exposed to lewd material. These are all chosen character traits. Yrie is a portrayed character that I have spent a significant time in the headspace of, deciding how they would feel about things that mortal creatures did. Obviously Yrie is not an entirely unique character portrayal. Who I am is largely represented through Yrie. My beliefs, feelings, and experiences all bleed through and become a part of the character. Yrie is a shadow of myself. A silhouette of the corporeal me, but only marginally.

On the flipside, I, CorRaven, am not a character. The purple raven you see before you is a digital representation of who I am. My real thoughts, my real feelings and my sexuality. I'm horny. I speak openly about sex and sexuality. I encourage dialogue and learning, sharing experiences and stories. I see sex as a fun social activity and romantic bonding experience.

This creates some confusion when people who have known me as Cor, know how overtly sexual I am; join my streams and talk to Yrie as though they are talking to me. You're not going to get the same responses! Yrie will be confused and not know what the fuck you are talking about. An actor doesn't take off their mask during a performance just because their buddy is in the audience. If you flirt with Cor, you're going to get appreciation and encouragement. If you flirt with Yrie, you're going to be met with nervous confusion. Both exude wholesomeness.

Despite these details being carefully thought out, I still face issues with followers trying to impose their own values on me, which brings me to my point; consumers don't get to decide the nature of the content that creators make. Your reactions have influences, obviously. You matter. But the creator gets to decide who they are and what their message is. Adler handled this situation perfectly by resetting expectations and continuing to simply be themselves. They didn't change who they are just because some people are under the puritanical perception that sexuality and wholesomeness should be mutually exclusive.

It is ok for your favorite creators to be sexual beings and to express themselves as much or as little as they want. How ever they choose to do this.

There will be a follow-up topic that we'll visit another day, but I'll present this to you now; The opposite-same issue. Please do not impose yourself or your sexuality on others. People don't want to hear about your fantasies with/of/about their characters. Just because I encourage sexual expression does not mean my legs are open to you. But again, this is a topic deserving it's own post.

[passengersvoice]

Dex, what’s it like to be a wolf therian?

It was suggested by several panelists at Othercon that we alter-humans should write essays/blog about our experiences. It’s been a while since I’ve wrote anything in depth about being alter-human, so here is information on my own personal experiences of being a wolf in a human body. Namely, what it’s like to be a wolf- the feelings and experiences I have that may be different from someone who isn’t a wolf therian.

I identify as a red wolf, in addition to being a human. In my youth I denied my humanity, but I can’t escape the fact that I have a human’s body and brain, and that brain colors every thought and sensory input I experience. The two are inextricably linked forever. The wolf side of me is as real and influential as the human side, I am the product of a blending of the two. My alter-humanity usually doesn’t tangibly affect my day to day goings on- enough that I know it’s there, and it’s probably shaped my particular idiosyncrasies as a person. These days those two parts of me are fairly harmonious with one another and usually don’t cause major problems.

As a wolf in a human body, I do experience body dysmorphia. I suspect part of the reason it took so long for me to come out as trans was because I have always been bothered by this physical body and my ideal form, a wolf, is fully unattainable. My species dysmorphia makes me feel like being bipedal is unnatural, top-heavy, ungainly. I am bothered that running causes so much stress to the human body, when wolves run basically all day every day. If I try to go down to all fours, my proportions are all wrong, and I am heavy and ungainly and fall over. It’s very frustrating. I can see perfectly in my mind’s eye how I should be structured, I imagine long drawn out transformation sequences where I take on my ideal shape. Sometimes I just find the human body to be so damn unappealing, horrible short face with flat teeth and creepy toes. Long legs, short arms, hairless. Unsettling. I miss being able to smell and hear like a wolf- having this human sense of smell is like looking through a tiny blurry scratched up porthole compared to what I could smell as a wolf. I try in vain to sniff the wind and decipher the messages carried on the breeze. I can gain little to no information from my pitiful human nose. Thumbs are pretty cool though.

I have experienced involuntary mental shifts throughout my life- if you don’t experience them or are otherwise unfamiliar with this term, it’s basically when primate brain takes a back seat and I am compelled by the wolf’s brain instead. Or at least, as close as I can get to wolf mode while being powered physically by a human’s body and brain. How I act in a mental shift is entirely dependent on my mood and the situation. If I’m comfy with friends when I have shifted, I fight the impulse to nip at them playfully and jaw wrestle with them. If I’m with my partner, I might shoulder-check them affectionately or roll on them. With anybody besides my partner, I do resist the impulse to be physical because it could easily be interpreted as romantic intent and is usually a step too far over people’s boundaries when it’s humans doing it to each other. When I am overwhelmed or scared in a shift, my wolf brain races, and I cower down as small as I can make myself and look for the nearest exit. It might become hard for me to stand fully upright, and I will go very quiet. I tend to yelp when startled suddenly, like it someone comes up to me from behind and puts their hand on my shoulder. Mental shifts don’t always have to be associated with extreme moods either- I purposefully try to put myself into wolf headspace on solo walks. On these wolf walks, I quiet my noisy internal narrative and let the wolf observe everything around it in detail through my senses. This headspace is a rare example of me voluntarily shifting- my shifts are usually completely involuntary.

In addition to mental shifts, I experience phantom shifts as well. This is when I feel parts of the wolf’s body that I don’t have in human form. Mainly ears and tail for me, since they’re so integral to wolf communication. When I phantom shift I will often “feel” my pointed wolf ears swiveling different directions on my head. I will sometimes point both my ears at whoever in the room is speaking to be polite and show that I am paying attention… never mind the fact nobody can actually see my wolf ears. My tail has a bit of a life of it’s own… I used to feel it more as a phantom extension of my spine, but over the years, I unwittingly put the tail wagging into my foot. So I will tap or wag my foot with delight when happy, or rapid tap it if I’m anxious. I don’t even realize I’m doing it half the time until I hear the thumping sound my foot makes. I like it though, wagging my phantom tail and hearing a thumping makes me feel like I’m actually wagging a real tail that’s hitting the floor or my chair as it moves.

Dreams have been a very important way my wolf side emerges. Dreams helped me along the way to first discovering I was a therian. I used to be plagued by nightmares when I was a kid. I would be chased by something and would fall down and not be able to get back up. I would hobble slowly away on my knees trying desperately to get back up and escape while the monster loomed ever closer. Around the time of my therian awakening, this narrative changed. I stopped trying to stand up and simply took off on all fours. I was shocked to find I was incredibly swift as I quadrupedally ran, and my nightmares significantly lessened. In discovering what I am, I became stronger. From then on, dreams where I’m chased by things ended up being more exhilarating than anything- I loved the excuse to take off running on all fours at full speed, leaping over logs and through brambles and splashing through creeks and getting leaves and mud stuck in my fur. The actual storyline of the dream would become secondary to the sheer joy of running. What once were nightmares became my favorite dreams. This is a huge part as to why running as a human is so deeply unsatisfying and painful- because I have felt the four-legged alternative and it’s night and day.

I have meditated in order to become closer to my wolf self. Sometimes what I see is in first-person view, sometimes I’m looking at myself from second-person view, but these sessions have allowed me to get glimpses at myself and my life as a wolf. It was in these little flashes in my waking life that allowed me to get a pretty good idea of what I looked like as a wolf. My fursona is just wolf me as an anthro, they have all the same markings and colors I have in wolf form. I don’t have a very complete picture of what my life was like or even what time period this wolf life takes place in- just little snippets of regular activities like napping on a granite boulder in the sun and hunting rabbits. It would be worth my while to spend more time on this.

Shifting is something I dealt with more frequently when I was younger- it’s my personal theory that the more in discord I am, the more involuntary shifts will occur. So my childhood and teen years were naturally more full of drama and angst, so I shifted more. I was also not fully accepting of my wolf side, and the more I tried to deny my wolfness, the more the wolf forces it’s way out in retaliation. Supporting my theory is the fact that I also tend to have unpredictable strong mental shifts when very drunk or high- another instance in which I am not in harmony with my body. So as a fairly stable adult who freely admits to being alter-human and doesn’t go through a lot of extreme emotional situations, I don’t have mental shifts very often anymore. This doesn’t mean I’m less of a wolf- and I’m sure if I tried to go around now saying it was just a “phase” and I don’t identify that way anymore, I’m sure the wolf would make itself very known once again with involuntary shifting and humble me once again. I am comfortable with where I am as a wolf/human individual, and wolf is an unshaking constant part of my core identity. I am happy to be this weird wonderful creature I am.

Being a wolf is an involuntary identity of mine, something that has remained a constant in my life for almost 25 years now. Regardless of if you think therianthropy is derived from mental origins, spiritual, just plain insanity*- it doesn’t change the fact that yes, I AM a wolf in addition to being a human. The why/how I became this way is way less important to me than it used to be. My experiences listed here are deeply personal, and my experiences won’t perfectly mirror other alter-humans. Even those of us with similar identities can have extremely different experiences. That’s part of what I love about this community… the sheer breadth of experiences and stories. We are all unique creatures.

*which is an ableist and dismissive way to look at alter-humanity. Don’t be this person! You’re allowed to not understand it or think it’s weird, but don’t try to diagnose strangers on the internet just because you think they’re weird.

[warden-melli]

REGARDING THE TAG SITUATION AND PSA IN GENERAL

Okay so I spoke to a friend about the tag anon situation, and they said that it’s probably nothing sinister, and it’s likely that anon asked me to use that tag so that they can blacklist it if they don’t like/makes them uncomfortable seeing that particular ship, or even potentially just ship art in general?

While I don’t know if that’s the reason, I’ll absolutely do that just in case. I’d never want to make anyone uncomfortable, which is why I’m also going to put a bit of a disclaimer out there so that people can make an informed decision before following my account.

Literally everything I draw/post on this blog could be considered ship art/content, with only a few rare exceptions ( like the art is for somebody else, or if I’ve explicitly stated otherwise)

To clarify everything I draw is based on my own interpretations, headcanons, and au. So every version of Melli (or any other related characters) I draw, and post on this account was created from the point of view of somebody who ships Adaman and Melli together.

If it makes you uncomfortable, or is in any way triggering knowing that likely every version of those two characters that I’ve ever posted/will post on this account were drawn from a shipping perspective, even if the character is drawn alone, or isn’t presented in a romantic context, then it may be better for you to unfollow me entirely. While I’d hate to see anyone go, I would absolutely understand if anyone needs to move away from my content.

95% of my content stands completely on its own without any overt shipping and can absolutely be enjoyed by, or not even noticed, by people who don’t ship the two, but I really feel like this needs to be said because I would hate hate hate to contribute to any distress, or otherwise negative experience of anyone who visits my blog.

I really enjoy running this account, and I’ve met some really wonderful people! I’m very new to sharing content, especially ship content, in any real way online, so please be patient with me. I appreciate everyone who has interacted and I will always prioritise their safety over anything. As such I will use/tag any future content appropriately, and encourage anyone who needs something tagged to reach out, and let me know. I’d be happy to.

[wolfkid888-blog]

Who am I?

Ever since I was young, I always have a fondness for my female teachers. At the time, I thought it was just admiration as they treated me well and gifted me gifts on occasion. How naïve I was back then. Now I know better of what it was. I suppose it is a part of growing up. When I started high school, my comprehension of my emotions started to change. Around this time, one of my friends gushed to me about her favourite BL ship and exposed me to the community of LGBTQ people.

That is when I started to wander more into it. She had informed me about the many social groups in the community and the terminology used to characterise each person's relationships or sexual orientation. I listened carefully; a trace of nervousness mixed with curiosity. I began to question myself and learned of what I am, who I am.

Realising that I had been defined as a lesbian—someone who only had romantic interest in women—was a revelation.

My thoughts began to spiral into ambiguity and introspection as a result of the finding. I thought back to the past and noticed an underlying trend of attraction to women which I had originally written off as simple appreciation. It was as though a cloud had parted, exposing a reality that had been lying in wait all along.

When I thought back to my early years, I remembered the social dynamics in my group as well as how they had shaped the way I saw relationships. There had never been many girls in my tuition class—most of the students had been boys throughout primary school. There would at least be 2 or 3 girls within the class aside from myself but over time they would either end up in another class or leave the tuition centre entirely. Without any female playmates to play whatever barbie or tea party stuff girls would do, you can probably imagine that my entire self was mostly affected by hanging out with the boys. I found myself drawn to activities that are often associated with boys due to the absence of female playmates, like playing Bakugan and Pokémon cards.

The friendship of my male contemporaries gave me comfort, but I also felt cut off from my own femininity. If I ever really had one to begin with.

This dissonance was exacerbated by my personality. I considered myself a tomboy, choosing more utilitarian clothing over dresses and skirts.

I hated dresses. Loathed them even. I do not like how defenceless I feel when wearing them. I would always worry about the wind blowing too harshly and it would flip my skirt where everyone could see my underwear. I felt uneasy and insecure at the idea of dressing in frilly, womanly clothes. I fought with ingrained fears and a severe fear of vulnerability despite my seeming boldness. I am a very insecure person, unable trust others easily. I like to feel safe. Literally and figuratively. Which is why I liked the flexibility and freedom that sports trousers provided, which was a subliminal protest against the ideals of femininity in society. It made me feel safe.

My dread of alienation and rejection increased along with my realisation of my sexual orientation.

I was afraid of how my parents would react if I came out to them, so I avoided the idea of coming out of the closet to them. Would they embrace me as I was, or would they reject me out of disgust? I struggled to balance my fear of losing my family's affection and approval with my desire to live authentically. The fear tore me apart. So, I took the only other route I could take.

I leaned on my friends for support, counsel, and comfort. They reassured me that I was not alone in my troubles by being a supportive attitude and a listening ear. Oh, what would have become of me without their support. Dreading at the thought. We overcame the challenges of acceptance and identity as a team, drawing strength from our common experiences.

Their resolute assistance strengthened my determination and served as a constant reminder that, despite my sexual orientation, I was worthy of love and acceptance. Even with the advancements in LGBTQ acknowledgement, I was still hesitant to tell my parents the truth. I knew that my well-being and safety hinged on my bringing up such a delicate subject, therefore I realised how important timing and context were.

Armed with the understanding that I was not defined by what society expected of me, I decided to address the topic on my own terms as I set out on my journey into maturity. I am an adult. I could make my own decisions but I have yet to officially enter society and stand on my own. So, it is best to be prepared for the worst-case scenario, where they might disown me. I decided that if I were to ever tell them, it would be on my terms. When I have fully entered society and no longer need the assistance of my parents, I would tell them of my circumstances. Would they accept me for who I am? Perhaps, perhaps not.

In retrospect, I can say that my path of discovery of oneself has been an emotional rollercoaster, punctuated by periods of uncertainty, anxiety, and self-acceptance. Nevertheless, I have come out with greater courage and resiliency, knowing that my individuality is real and deserving of celebration. I am constantly reminded of how important it is to be true to who I am and embrace my truth as I attempt to navigate the intricacies of life, no matter what obstacles I may encounter.