#final chapter going up in a while after ive finished the art!!

[ttupelohoneyy]

Darlin’

Sabine is young, scared, but smart. She gets sent to Colombia through the embassy, to help out the hospitals, and gets housed in an apartment building with other Americans. The DEA agents.

Javier Peña X f!OC

CHAPTER ONE

Sabine Puentes has been a nurse at the army base in Fort Worth, Texas for two years. Why she got sent to Colombia is beyond her...

She's strong, seen a lot of pain and death. She's worked hard and built up respect amongst her peers. But as she sits on the plane, she feels her tears welling up in her eyes. A pit in her gut. She feels like a scared little girl.

Meanwhile Javier Peña sits at his desk, chain smoking.

"Hey, did'ya know im gettin' a neighbor today?" He says, taking another drag.

Steve looks up at him with his tired eyes, "No, I hadn't heard that yet. Is it an agent?"

"No I heard hes a nurse, sent here to help out.

Used to be an army nurse."

"Mhm" Steve Murphy grunts out, "It'll be nice to have someone to patch ya up when you get home, huh?" He pauses a moment to take a drag,

"Whats his name?"

"I don't know, all it says on the door is S. Puentes-Leija."

"He was sent here by the embassy, yeah?"

"Yeah…”

"Well, we can look em up."

Steve flicked through files and files of names and faces... finally landing on Puentes-Lejia.

"Well, that man, the nurse," Steve's voice lowers,

"your, ahem, neighbor..."

Javier raises his eyebrows in anticipation

"Is a woman. A young woman. An attractive woman." Javier snatches the file from between Steves forefinger and thumb.

"Don't do it..."

"I didn't say anything."

"No but you thought something. Shes only 23 for God's sake. Leave the poor girl be."

Javier shakes his head, "Well, on that note, its time for lunch. Want anything?"

"Nah," steve sighs, "Connie packed me somethin.

Javi nods, stubs out his cigarette and walks out, with full intention of going home and making sure his new neighbor didn't need any help moving in her boxes.

The minutes turned into hours. The boxes where piled high.

“Goddamn it…” Sabine muttered to herself, “I coulda sworn I packed light.”

She starts with the kitchen, laying out a stack of pyrex mixing bowls. Next, comes the utensils, then the tea towels. She unpacks art, photos, and little “monitos” that she has collected over the years. While she was packing, back in fort worth, she decided that she couldn’t minimize her belongings to the point of not making a house her home. A harsh knock on her door inturprs her thoughts.

“Howdy, ma’am…” a handsome stranger starts. His Texas accent was comforting, already she felt not so foreign. “My name is Javier Peña, I’m your neighbor. I, uh, I work over at the embassy, and I thought I’d offer myself to uh,” his eyes trail down her legs, her shorts are in no way revealing, but nonetheless, they’re daisy dukes. “Help ya unpack your boxes. Or maybe uh, offer you any help I could give.”

She smiles while waiting for Javier to finish his run on sentence.

“Well thank you kindly, I appreciate your willingness.”

“Of course…”

After a few moment of slightly uncomfortable silence, she speaks.

“Would you like to come in?”

“Sure, I’d like that.”

He follows her into her kitchen, which is just off the entry way.

“I don’t have much to offer you yet, but i did run by the bodega down stairs. I got two beers and a bag of chips. Want one?”

“Why not? Ill take it.”

“Oh,” she says in disappointment, “got an opener? Im not sure where mine is…”

“No but I’ll do ya one better”

he brings the unopened amber bottle to his mouth, and bites off the cap, then does the same for her.

“Well, I’ll be damned. I’ve never been able to do that.” She shrugs, “ive always been worried i’d crack a tooth.”

“If your dumb enough, anything is possible.” He chuckles in response.

She squats down to sit on the floor, legs stretched out in front of her.

He follows her lead, doing the same.

“So where are you from?” He asks, as if he doesn’t already know.

“Fort Worth, Texas. Y tu?”

“Not too terribly far from you then, well, I guess nothings too terribly far when you live in Colombia. I’m from Laredo.”

“Mm I love Laredo…” she states as she takes her first swig.

So many things are going through his mind right now. First of them being, he just had that bottle rim on his mouth, and now you have it on yours. He feels childish thinking that, like a middle school boy. But he feels closer to you already.

Second one being “Who the Hell likes Laredo?” That one slipped through the corridors of his brain right out his mouth. He’s glad that was the one that slipped by.

She laughed, and it made his chest tight. Shes got a beautiful, loud and clear laugh. The kind that makes people laugh with her.

“Well it may not be picturesque. But y’all’ve got the Rio Grande. Plus, its close to the boarder.” She stops, trying to decide if it was a good idea to tell the rest of the story… she decided yes. It was a good idea.

“Some of my family lives in Laredo, so when I was younger, learning whats right and whats wrong, my cousins and I would sneak out to a lil bar called ‘Restaurante Paris’ in Nuevo Laredo. Looking back it was dangerous as hell, but it was fun.”

He smirks, listening to her story. ‘When she was young’ he thought to himself. He would give his left nut to be 23 again. He smiles dumbly, in a bit of a trance.

Her voice wakes him up, snapping into reality.

“Well, hate to put my new friend to work, but would you like to help me move the couch from downstairs? I know I can’t do it by myself.”

“Of course. That’s what I’m here for.”

She stands up, offering her hand to help Javier up too. He chuckles, she weighs probably half of what he does, but his creaky knees are screaming for him to accept the help.

“Plus,” he thought, “I’d get to touch her hand… There I go again, with the embarrassing middle schooler thoughts.”

He clasps his hand in hers, making a hollow slapping sound as she pulls him up.

She laid in bed, her thoughts racing. She tried reading a book, but the words she read barely skimmed her eyes, not quite making their way to her brain.

So much to think about- the gunshots, the music, the man across the hall, her family, the empty apartment.

She circled back to the subjects that were swimming through her brain.

“The man across the hall…” she thought again. She starts her new job on Monday, it’s Thursday. She can figure out an excuse to see him again before then. “Maybe I can make him a meal? No. That’s stupid. Well, no. It’s not. That might do.” She scrambled around her bedside table, looking for a notepad and pen.

• steak

•vinegar

• tomatoes

•salt and pepper

•onions

•garlic

•potatoes

She wanted to show that she was not only a good cook, but also a woman that travelled. Lomo Saltado was perfect for that. Sabine decided she would go to the market tomorrow and prepare. Would dropping of dinner tomorrow be too soon? Would that seem desperate? Or would it be a friendly gesture? What if he asked why she made him dinner?

She started to come up with excuses in her head.

“Oh, I just thought I could make a new friend.” No. That was desperate.

“You seem hungry.” Are you serious? That was stupid as hell.

“Im not used to making dinner for only one person, usually I cook for my whole family. So I just thought I’d bring you the rest.” Mmm, better. Remember that one.

“Just wanted to welcome you to Colombia!” No you dumb bitch, you’re the one that just moved here.

She settled on hoping he wouldn’t ask. As she fell asleep, she thought about his hand in hers when she helped him up. “That is a stupid thought.” She said to herself, “you sound like a middle schooler.”

Oh well. It made her giddy with excitement. She hadn’t felt like that in a hot second. It calmed her down to think about the hot DEA agent next door that could protect her.

She woke up to the sun coming through the blinds, horns honking, and the chatter of people walking down the street. She stretched and yawned, reaching for her list. She grabbed the pen again.

•beer

She added that just to bring a little pizzazz to the dinner. Dessert seems like too much, so she just stuck with what she had.

She took a shower, put on a some makeup and decided on a sweet little dress. Right above her knees, and flow-y.

She steps out with her big grocery bags, turning to lock her apartment.

“‘’Mornin’ neighbor.”

“Jesus!” She jumps and turns around to see Javier, standing calmly with a briefcase and mug in tow “you scared the shit out of me!”

“Sorry about that, sunshine.”

“No, it’s fine! I guess I was just daydreaming.”

They stand there, parallel to each other. Eyes locked.

“I, uh… I hope you have a good day at work!” Sabine says, tucking her hair behind her ear.

“I hope you do too. Well, not work. I mean, you don’t look like you’re going to work. So… well maybe you are. I mean, have a good day.” Javier stumbles through his sentence. “Jesus Christ man… what’s wrong with you?”

Sabine laughed a melodic laugh. He smiled in response, relieved she didn’t think he was stupid.

“Thank you. I will.”

They walked to same way, down the same stairwell, to the same gate, of the same apartment building. As she turned right toward the market and he turned left, he one last snuck glance.

“Well fuck me.” He muttered under his breath.

A pile of papers and files and names and gory, horrible photos lay on his desk. he uses his forearm to swipe it to the side to make room for his mug.

"Hows the new neighbor?" Steve says, moving his legs from resting comfortably on the desk to the floor.

"Fine, I guess. I don't know."

"Don't tell me you didn't see her."

"I mean, yeah, I saw her struggling with the boxes going up and down the stairs."

"bullshit, Peña. I know you were the fine southern gentleman you are and helped her with the boxes."

"Fine, yeah. I helped her move her couch."

"did you help her with any other kind of box too?"

"Shut up, Murphy."

"Peña!" Messina's voice rang through the room. "You were late today. you need to have this paperwork done by 4pm. Understood?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Any leads yet?"

"With all due respect ma'am, I just got here. I'll be sure to update you as the day goes."

Meanwhile, Sabine is overloaded on the bus. Three giant, full bags of groceries, a book she picked up about the local flora and fauna, and a bundle of calla lilies under her arm. Beside her sits an elderly woman, a nun. They smile at each other, it felt poetic to Sabine.

"Buenos dias." the woman said, in a shaky but kind voice.

"Buenos dias, madre." she replied.

Sabine looked out the window, crushed by what she saw.

Absolute beauty.

There were kids walking home from school, kicking rocks and giggling about boys. there was a mother, talking to her friend about the latest goings on, braiding her daughters hair tightly and uniformly while the little girl complained. There was a young man selling bananas on the corner, talking about the car that he's saving up for to this pretty girl, around his age.

It was so contrary to the violence and bloodshed she had been sent down here to help mend. All of these people had lost someone. Most of these people were scared.

Sabine had reached her stop, paid the bus driver with two small coins and proceeded to wobble her way up the stairs. once she had got inside her apartment, she took a deep breath in. It smells nice. It already was starting to smell like her.

She unpacked her groceries, and started to chop away at the potatoes, onions, tomatoes and garlic, slicing the meat and cooking it at a high heat. she fried the potatoes into papas fritas and plated it nicely in a Tupperware container, drizzling its gravy onto it. she put two beers into the big paper sack along with the two containers of food, once for dinner today, one for lunch tomorrow.

she waited until she heard his keys rattle in the lock, and then his door close behind him.

she took a deep breath and *knock knock knock* she waited for just a few seconds before Javier opened the door.

"Hi..." she says with a warm smile

"Hey..." he says back with a softness in his deep brown eyes.

"I made you dinner... and um, I made enough for lunch too, for tomorrow, if ya want.... oh! and there's a couple of beers in there too."

nothing like this had ever happened to Javier. he was dumbfounded.

"Sabine, I, wow... Thank you, you didn't have to do this."

"oh, but I wanted to, its nothing really." there was yet another silence between the two of them. "well I, um... I hope you enjoy it! and if you don't, don't tell me. it'll hurt my feelings." she says with an awkward chuckle.

"I'm sure I'll love it, thank you."

She turned to walk back into her humble abode and he stopped her quickly by saying...

"Actually, do you want to join me? you can have the second portion."

"No, I made that for you! I mean, yes, I do want to join you. No, the second portion is for you," she laughs nervously. "let me just run in really quick and grab a plate, ill be right back."

She turned and went in, leaving the door open in a rush. He stood there watching her run off into her apartment, past her kitchen into her bathroom. He then heard the sink running, followed by the toothbrush tapping the porcelain edge of the sink. She scurried back into the kitchen and plated herself dinner.

"Okay," she beamed up at him. "sorry about that." he looked her over, bottom to top, not so subtly, taking in everything he could.

She was standing before him, in all her glory. barefoot, a little blue sundress, a freckle on her left shoulder, and a strand of curly hair falling right in front of her ear.

"c'mon in, hermosa, make yourself at home."

[misguidedasgardian]

The Lifeaters (III.4)

IV. Hogsmeade

MASTERLIST

Chapter Summary: You thought everything was going so so great… 

Pairings: Draco Malfoy x Fem!Reader (platonic)

Warnings: Cursing, magical objects, Mugglephobia, classism, charms and curses, might miss some warnings

Wordcount: 4.1 k

Notes: If you see something say something, come on and party tonightttt woooo

You placed your broom on its stand over the common room table, taking advantage of the fact that there was no one there, it was late at night, the next day, you had a free first period so you could have a late night study session with your… muggle studies partners in crime

Theo and Matt

This week was the start of the Quidditch season, and you were so excited you had to give your broom their monthly maintenance 

“Alright so… muggles use this…. thing… called electricity”, muttered Theo reading his book, “and that is why they have synthetic light… and something that is called a Television?”, he said with difficulty

“Synthetic? but how?”, you asked, as you were trimming the edges of the bristle of your broom

“What is a television?”, asked Matthew

“Well, according to the pictures… apparently Muggles lock little people inside a box and watch them perform for their entertainment”, said Theo

“How little?”, asked Matthew, rubbing his chin, Theo showed him a picture, “that can’t be right”, he muttered, squinting at the old picture 

“No, slavery was abolished in both Muggle and magical world long ago”, you said

“But maybe those anti-slavery laws don’t apply to these little people”

“So… muggles have like… house-elves? but in the shape of tiny humans?”, you asked

You three took long moments to ponder on that fact, and Theo turned the page around

“We are gonna fail muggle studies”, he said, frowning, “apparently there is no such thing as little people locked in a box”

“So what is television?”, asked Matthew, Theo kept frowning, reading forwards

“It doesn’t say”, he said, “but in the course introduction the professor said we were going to watch a… what the muggles call a movie”, he muttered, “and it is perform in a television”

“movie, what is that?”, asked Matthew

“Sounds fun”, you offered

“It’s like a play, only… you watch it in a box”

“That’s odd”, muttered Matthew, you knew he was burning on the inside, but he had kept himself from saying horrible comments of the muggles, he was actually interested, rather than disgusted, or that is what it seemed like.

“But how are we going to watch it, if we need electricity?”, asked Theo

“What was electricity again?”, you asked. Theo kept reading

“It doesn’t say”, he concluded. He kept reading the book you had taken out of the library, and while he do it, you started polishing the handle on your broom, with a big jar of Fleetwood's High-finish handle polish

“Right now?”, he asked

“Quidditch season is about to start”, you said simply, “I have to keep my place in the team”

“Alright we need to choose an Muggle item and do a couple of parchments on it”, muttered Theo, “the topic is… items you can find in a muggle house”

“Professor Burbage gave us a list”, you said, walking to the table to reach your piece of parchment 

“What is a.. rubber duck?”, you asked, nobody knew

Things were looking up in school, Defense against the dark arts had finally reached the level of interest that you knew it could reach, you were having so much fun with Professor Lupin and after the boggart that professor Lupin had managed to catch, he had also ACTUALLY showed you Red Caps, that were a small goblin-like creature that enjoyed blood baths. Then you went onto Kappas, actually went into the black lake to gaze upon them, monkey-like creatures with scales instead of fur 

You were enjoying it only too much, you had begun to flinch every time Draco would mock how Lupin dressed, until you made him stop. And he did, with grumbles, but he did

There was a lot of things Draco had stopped doing because of you, or in behalf of you

And you felt terribly guilty because of how much fun you were having in Muggle studies, and you will rather be caught dead than admit it, and theo did as well, but you were having the most fun

Not Matthew though, you tried to really get to him, if he was truly enjoying the classes and he really, really wasn’t.

You were curious about muggles and the way they lived but once you started uncovering it, Matthew felt rather… disgusted by them, now hating them with actual “evidence”, that they were weak, and strange, different from us, that they didn’t do magic…

You felt guilty after every class, because you were actually hiding the fact that you were in that class altogether.

There was no way of stopping Draco though, because, Care of magical creatures had become so boring and dull… Hagrid had lost all motivation, and he was scared of introducing you to more creature so he had you looking after the more dull creatures in the land, some worms and whatnot

But luckily, there was always Quidditch

You were on the field, with your Nimbus 2001 and Draco by your side.

It was Marcus Flint’s last year ever, and he seemed truly excited, and determined, to win the cup for Slytherin -again- 

“I want Malfoy and Basilik”, he said, determined, you and Draco shared excited looks, he wasn’t even going to put you on “trial” to stay on the team. Adrian will also stay on his position as Chaser alongside you and Marcus , so, there was little change to many’s dismay

For the second year, you were the only woman on the team, even though there were older girls wanting to tryout

Marcus had you by his side on the air as he did actually oversee the tryouts, even though the team was full, he wanted to have spares for each of you, in case something may befall you

“Do you really want me on the team?”, you asked Marcus, he looked back at you

“You score like five goals for match, of course I do”, he said, and you were so relieved that nobody could wipe the smile of your face for the rest of the day

Fall was approaching quickly, and with it, came heavy rains, storms and later the powerful winter, but you were excited for the Quidditch winter gear as last year Quidditch season was canceled due to the attacks by the Basilisk and the chamber and all that, this year… nothing or no one could ruin this season.

Nothing

The team, luckily for you, stayed the same as last year, Marcus, Adrian and you as chasers, Peregrine Derrick and Lucian Boyle as beaters, they were both fifth years, and then Draco as a seeker, and Miles Blatchley as the Keeper.

You were feeling confident, you had played together last year, you had a great start.

What concerned you, and also Marcus… was Draco… he lost the snitch last year because he was too busy trying to mock Potter, and he needed to let that go if you were to win against Gryffindor that was your very first match, in around a month or so

Marcus gave you the training schedule, and thanks to himself and Snape, you had very good schedules, three times a week, right after classes.

You were having fun in your classes, you were on the Quidditch team, and now… Halloween was coming soon

And with it, your first weekend in Hogsmeade

“I’m so excited to go to Hogsmeade”, yous aid as you took a seat with difficulty on the common room couches

Your buttocks and thighs hurt like hell, after the first week of Quidditch training, but it was because you hadn't use the broomstick on a while

“Our very own all-witching town”, said Draco with a smirk, “my father was not going to let me go, since Black is at large, but I told him he would never dare to come near us”, he said

“Do you really think he would come here? To Hogwarts?”, asked Blaise, taking a seat on the opposite couch

“You know, they say he is insane!”, said Draco, “The minister himself said that he heard him chanting, “he is at Hogwarts! He is at hogwarts!” he clearly is coming here to murder Potter”, he said so happy.

“Why?”, you asked him, :you never told me the real story”

“Nobody knows the full details”, he said dismissively, “but it's said that he was a spy, for the Dark Lord, against the blood traitors, so, he revealed his true colors by betraying the Potters, telling the Dark Lord about their location”

“So he is a snitch”, you mocked

“For the Dark Lord”, said Draco with a smile, “now he will finish what he started, he will come here to kill Potter, because he is the one that made the Dark Lord go away”

“So a murderous maniac is coming into the castle to kill Potter, and you are ok with that?”, asked Theo

“It seems crazy to me, why would he come to Potter while he is in the Muggle world?”, asked Pansy, “wouldn’t that be easier?”. that made Draco chuckle and Pansy blushed scandalously. 

“Anyways, who wants to talk about Potter?”, asked Matthew, “Maybe Black will do us the favor of getting rid of him so he’ll stop ruining every school year”, you all laughed. “What I really want to know is… who wants to go to the shrinking shack with me?”, he asked and he looked at you

“They say is the most haunted house in Europe!”, said Theo excitedly 

“But they say it's impossible to get in”, you muttered sadly

“Well, because we have never tried before”, mocked Matthew

“What I want to know is… if Hogsmeade is an all-wizard community, will we be able to do magic there?”, asked Daphne

“No, I don’t think there is a loophole there, I think no underage wizards are able to do magic outside of Hogwarts, ever”, said Blaise

“I can’t wait to get to Zonko’s”, said Matthew with a big smile, “buy some Dungbombs”

“As long as you don’t throw them in here”, mocked Theo

“I want to go and check out…”

“Honeydukes”, answered Draco for you, and you felt your cheeks heated but nodded enthusiastically

“Yes, I want to try the fudge”, you giggled, “but also… the Dervish and Banges”

“Oh yeah, the wizarding equipment shop”, said Blaise

“Yeah, and afterwards, we can go to the three broomsticks and have some butterbeer”, said Matthew

“Yes!”

“Totally!”

Days went by quite quickly, and soon, you were giggling with Pansy and Daphne in your room.

Your boots that even though had heels were really comfortable, and you were so happy with the things Pansy had made you buy when you spend that day together in Diagon Alley, as you put on your new favorite jacket 

“You look so cute, but… for who?”, she teased

“Nobody”, you said mindedly, you knew she had 

“I bet it’s for Theo”, Daphne said with a somewhat dark tone that sounded a bit mean

“no, not really”

“Matthew?”, teased Pansy

“No!”, you said loudly, “no one!”

With heated cheeks you went to meet everyone outside, the boys were giggling and snickering as you walked to them, and Draco seemed crossed to a blushed Matthew

Draco smiled at the sight of the three of you

“Ready?”, you asked excitedly, Filch was in the entrance, checking names from a list, as it was the first time for you all third-years, you were all in the courtyard

“Remember, those visits to Hogsmeade village are a privilege!”, said McGonaggal with her serious face, “should your behavior reflect poorly to the school, it will not be extended again”

You all nodded for her to just let you go, and you started the walk to the village, you looked away when you walked by the dementors guarding the gates to Hogwarts.

It was already 31st of October, Halloween! you were going to spend all day in Hogsmeade and then the famous Halloween feast! your smile couldn’t be erased off your face

You were a big group, even amongst your friends… the village appeared in front of you and you were so happy, but your group of 10 didn’t split.

First you came across the post office, which impressed you with a hundred owls, of all sizes and color, some of them could fly internationally! you wondered if you could train Umbra to go to France and back

“Let’s go to Honeydukes”, you didn't even realize Matt was this close to you, but the rest of your friends was going the other way 

“Oh”, you doubted, you didn’t want to split from the group, but it would be rude if you refused him, so you nodded and started walking with him. Draco and consequently Pansy noticed, so they stayed behind and went with you

Matthew now seemed crossed, but he didn't say anything as Pansy and you stuck your faces into the big showcases filled with different flavored fudges 

You bought a box

“I would like a marble, the one with strawberries, mint, white chocolate, and the one with dark currants”, you started picking yours, and Pansy chose her own box

“I’ll pay for that”, muttered Draco

“No, it was my idea, I’m going to invite her”, said Matthew, you and Pansy exchanged looks, “you invite Parkinson’s, I’ll invite Basilik…”

“I ALWAYS pay for Basilik’s treats”, said Draco angrily

“Guys”, Pansy was over the moon, you were even concerned for this weird development, you took out sickles for your box, but Matthew grabbed your hand and payed himself, alongside his own treats, and Drco, with a frown, payed for Pansy and his own

“Thank you Matt, you shouldn’t have”, you whispered

“You are most welcome”, he said with a smile

The group had walked away already, you catched a glimpse of MIlicent and Vince turning a corner 

You looked back and catched Draco and Matthew gazing at each other like they were challenging one another to some duel or something

“We can go to Zonko’s”, you suggested, and Matthew then came out of his stupor, looked at you and nodded, and you four directed yourselves there

Zonko's joke shop was brilliant! you had never thought about jokes and tricks before, but you had an amazing time inside it

You could try everything they sold in there, and Matthew bought a bunch of stuff, you yourself even bought a “tempest in a bottle”, it was a glass bottle that contained, as the name entailed, a little storm

It was supposed to be a prank, to make it rain inside a room, once released, it would release a storm for fifteen minutes, but it looked so beautiful inside the bottle that you probably just were going to let it sit on your nightstand

This time, while Matthew wasn’t looking, you paid for his dungbombs 

“Only Basilik would but a tempest in a bottle just to look at it”, teased pansy, grabbing into your arm as you walked down the street

“I found it truly mesmerizing!”, you said with a wide smile

“Let’s go to the shrieking shack!”, said Pansy, pointing at a street that led to the outside of town

“Yeah! let’s do it!”, said Matthew, you shared concerned looks with Draco, you were not the bravest of the bunch but you didn’t want to seem cowardly in front of Pansy and Matthew, and well, you were four, and had your wands with you, what could go wrong?

You reached the last barrier of the house, a poorly made wired fence

You doubted, but you were also skeptical, it seemed like an abandoned house, just that, and you had heard that it was the most haunted house in Europe, but not because an awful massacre had occurred there, only because… so… it couldn’t be that bad, right?

But as you were walking down a narrow road, you stopped suddenly as Draco had spotted something in the distance

“What’s that!?”, he asked, pointing, when you saw a huge, huge black dog. he came at you, with a quick pace 

“Look!”, you shrieked, “A doggy!”

“Ah!”, Draco screamed, scared, “I don't know what that thing is but it is not a dog!”, Matthew seemed scared, but you and pansy came close to it, and he let you pet him, at least, he looked lke a “he”

“Nonsense, look how cute!”, yes it was true it was an abnormally large dog, but he let you get close enough to pet him, he cooed under your touch, “hey doggy, are you alone? Do you have a home?”

“Basilik for Merlin’s sake leave that animal alone, maybe what kind of diseases it has!”, said Matthew.

Caressing unknown dogs was a dangerous thing, even for wizards, but you couldn’t help it, the dog smelled you your hands and face

“Are you hungry boy?”, you asked, but you didn’t have anything with you, and right now, you couldn’t conjure or transfigure anything, as you couldn’t do magic outside of school.

“Basilik, for the last time, please, leave that dog!”, muttered Draco

“it’s hungry!”, you said, you looked into your bag, and you found a muffin you were not going to eat, as you cast a small spell, to turn it into mince meat, small spells were not that detectable, and then you gave it to the dig, who eat it earnestly 

“Please, can we go now? we promised we were going to go to the three broomsticks”, said Draco

Taking this huge dog to the school was out of the question, it broke your heart to leave him, until… he left you first, with a last -what you thought was- a sad look, the dog trotted away quickly, so you didn't felt as bad that you couldn’t take him if he didn’t want to go with you

“Let’s go, and please wash your hands”, said Draco, and you and Pansy walked back to town and to the three broomsticks to meet with the others. 

You couldn’t stop giggling and talking about what a great time it has been as you walked back to the castle right at sundown

And now it came something even better

You and hold onto the fudge and not eat it right away, because the feast was waiting for you

Halloween was your favorite holiday

The candles in the skies where pumpkins, above them near the clouded ceiling, were bats flying haphazardly, and all around the candlesticks and torches were orange streamers. It looked great like always.

The food, as always, was creepy and delicious, you even managed to get several servings of profiteroles filled with ice cream and bathed in chocolate.

At the very end, the ghosts popped out of the wall, they floated around, and started reenacting their deaths… Even the bloody Baron told your table… how he died…

And nearly headless Nick told gladly the story of his infamous name. 

As you were leaving the great hall, you ended up next to Potter, to which Draco couldn’t help but whisper 

“The dementors send their regards, Potter!” 

You were doing a bit of flaunting the things you had bought to your friends in the common room, when Marcus himself strode inside the room

“That fudge looks good Basilik, give me some?”, he asked, reaching, you snatched your box away and looked at him angrily

“Wanna’ lose a hand there Flint?”, you threatened

“I’m your quidditch team captain!”, he said, entertained

“Try me”, you said, and he removed his hand.

All the Slytherins were in the common room, all too excited by the feast, the sugar and the visit to Hogsmeade to go to sleep, but you didn’t have too

The Head Boy -who you couldn’t name right now- came rushing in, along with the head Girl

“Black has entered the castle!”, he said hastily, all houses have to present themselves in sleeping attire in the great hall

It was mayhem in the common room, and you didn't know if you had to be scared or excited 

You all were back in the common room, that was not dressed in Halloween anymore, the tables had disappeared, it stood empty, but the candles and ceiling were still there. Dumbledore stood taller than most

"The teachers and I need to conduct a thorough search of the castle," he said out loud, white the big doors being closed behind you, "I'm afraid that, for your own safety, you will have to spend the night here. I want the prefects to stand guard over the entrances to the hall and I am leaving the Head Boy and Girl of each house in charge. Any disturbance should be reported to me immediately”, he was set to leave the hall, but then he turned around, "Oh, yes, you'll be needing...", the floor, from one second to the next, was covered with hundreds of very thick, comfortable-looking purple sleeping bags. 

"Sleep well," said Dumbledore, closing the door behind him.

Not even two seconds and the hall buzzed alive with giggles, conversations and more, you came together with your friends, feeling so excited.

Clearly Black wasn't a threat to you all, but, this was kind of exciting, having a massive sleepover with your entire house! and well, the other houses were there as well

“Quiet!”, demanded the older Weasley, ever the waterparty

“Weasle relax!”, said your own head boy, which made you smile

You wasted no time in accommodating yourself near Draco, but as Pansy looked at you with pleading eyes, you decided to step back a few paces, sleeping rather than by his side, putting your heads together.

“Boys on one side, girls on the other!”, commanded Weasley, but students started booing him.

You were accommodated in some sort of a circle, Matthew had accommodated by your side, you would have preferred to sleep around your girlfriends, but they were scattered around the group, Pansy seemed all too Happy, and Draco had managed to place himself on your other side.

“How do you think Black entered the castle?”, asked Matthew whispering at you

“Well, a castle this big, has to have secret passageways”, you said, “Black was a student here, he probably knows more of its secrets”

“That makes sense”, said Pansy

“But you’d think that as a Wizard as powerful as him would know how to apparate”, said Greg

“You cannot simply apparate into Hogwarts”, said Draco, “its enchanted, and protected by spells that doesn’t allow apparition and other irregular ways of magical transportation”

“So he could have only walked right through the gates, then”, said Theo

“Yeah, without being seen, or catched by the dementors”, mocked Tracy

“Do you think they would come in here?”, you asked

“Dumbledore hates them, he couldn’t have possibly let them in”, said Draco with a frown 

“Well even though there is a murderous maniac running around inside the castle, I think this is kinda cool, like a big sleepover”, you said with a smile

A couple of hours passed as you started to fall asleep one by one, Draco’s stormy eyes found you in the night

“Are you alright?”, he asked, as he saw you couldn’t sleep. You were a bit concerned, a strange sensation in the back of your throat, professor’s trelawney’s “prophecy” played in your mind over and over.

“Yes, yes”, you whispered, you tried to move, but Matthew had rolled over and was stuck to your back

“Don’t you worry, is Potter he wants, not pure blooded wizards such as ourselves”, he said softly, you smiled

“I know, we are not in danger because of Black, is just, Professor Trelawney freaked me out in her first class, she said that I was going to find what I was looking for, and other things that I was going to become complete, and… I think it's because I'm going to find out who my father was but… I’m scared”, you confessed 

“Why?”, he asked back

“He is probably dead, or, what if he is not, what if he had done terrible things? what if he was a terrible person?”

“I don’t think he is”, he said softly

“Then why would nobody tell me who he is? everyone seems to know who he is!”, you said

“I don’t know”, he said sincerely

“Do you think your parents would tell me if I ask them?”

“I think they wouldn’t dare cross Cercille”, he said

“You are right”

“QUIET OVER THERE!”, and booing was heard again to shush Weasley

“But I think I feel guilty, I’m having such a good time and this is just looming over me, like, I have to think something is going to go wrong because I’m so happy right now”, you explained softly

“You are right, that’s it”, he said, nodding, “you will find out who he is, whomever it is, and I will be there, and Cercille, and my parents”, he offered.

“Thank you”

“You never told me what class are you taking instead of Divination”, he wondered 

“You are never going to believe this”, you said apologetically

[sincerely-sofie]

The finishing of this fanfic has left me with some pretty mixed emotions. On the one hand, I dont want it to end. It's such an incredible piece of work and even though I finally committed to reading it a few weeks ago, it already feels like such a significant part of my life. On the other hand, I'm a little glad that it's over. FAR from the sense it was bad (I'll steal your liver if thats how you interpret it) but moreso in the sense that it was like a good crying session. It's something that a lot of us (or I assume a lot of us) typically want to avoid even though we know its good for us, and satisfying after the fact. It's like catharsis in a way. Endings aren't always a great feeling in the moment, but it's something that we can look back on with a fondness.

I'm so glad I found this work. I'm being completely serious when I say that this fanfic, and the other content you make, has changed my life for the better. Its helped me reconnect with that love I have for creativity after nearly a decade of not making anything even though I wanted to. It's helped pulled me out of a few ruts of depression. It's helped me realize that I'm not actually emotionally stunted (per my own conclusions) and be more willing to cry instead of burying those feelings. In the past I would just, kill these kinda thoughts before they got far because of how much I wanted to avoid crying. Much less actually writing them down, or express them to someone else. But now, I've been crying the whole time I write this, and for the first time in, I think ever, I'm okay with that. I know we don't actually know each other, but you've genuinely helped me become a better person with the things you make. Thank you so much for everything you've done Sofie. hey look! I got your name right!

But enough about me. I feel like it's getting indulgent at this point. (I've gotten dehydrated with how much ive cried writing this and from what I can tell, you cry a lot more than I do. So go drink some water first, and then) I wanna hear your thoughts. What are your thoughts and feelings about your work being finished? Do you have plans to take a break from creative endevors for a while, or are you gonna keep going? Are you going to be expanding more on this and other au's, different fanworks or move into something completely your own? Whatever the case may be, I'm excited to see what more you are going to come up with!

From the bottom of my heart, and on behalf of everyone else, Thank you for everything.

It's so surreal to have posted that final chapter. I finished the first draft almost 100 days ago exactly, and I spent a number of days after completing it kind of adrift. I'd go to my computer every morning like I had during the month prior and sit down, ready to write, only to remember that I was actually supposed to be taking a break before I made the final edits.  It didn't click in my head that I had actually done it… until a couple weeks later when it hit me like a truck that I had an entire completed manuscript sitting in my Google Docs. I think I was making myself lunch at that moment, and I had to bolt to lie down on the floor and put my legs up against the wall because I was ready to pass out at the realization. 

This feels pretty similar. For me, The Present is a Gift— the main fanfic, at least— was finished in mid-January. But the process of uploading it and agonizing over what people thought of every passing update wouldn't be formally done until about 3 months later. It still hasn't clicked in my head that I won't be posting a new update once Tuesday rolls around. 

On the subject of taking a break— I've actually been taking a break, at least partway! I've barely written anything after I finished TPiaG's first draft, and I haven't drawn much “serious” art, for lack of a better word, since I started my blog. I've still been making things, yes, but scattered oneshots and sketchy pieces without solid lineart are not my typical fare. I'm usually a lot more “exact” with what I make— words fail me here— I hope I'm not being too vague! I might take a brief break as I finish up the winter semester, but that would be less a break from creating and more of an “OH MY WORD I NEED TO FOCUS ON NOTHING BUT PASSING THESE COURSES” kinda thing. 

TPiaG (along with its derivative AUs) is still very much a living project to me— there's a lot more stories the characters have in them, even if I struggle to envision a full-on sequel. I'm absolutely going to answer the asks relating to it that I've received over the months along with any I continue to receive, and if I get any ideas for comics or oneshots here and there, I'll make them. As for what's officially next up on the Sincerely Sofie menu, I'm planning to make a visual novel that's a lot more meaty than the last one I made. I'm not sure if it will be original or based on TPiaG— but a visual novel is the medium I'm planning on! 

I'm so overwhelmed by your kindness. I truly don't have any words. This project started off as something private to help distract me from a depressive episode and to process trauma, and it's become so much more. I'm so glad it was able to help you. Catharsis was the keyword for TPiaG— I wanted it to uproot difficult emotions and help people start to heal from them, but I never dreamed it would really help anyone but myself. So to hear it was able to provide you with that is unbelievably meaningful to me. 

I gave myself the goal somewhat recently to let myself cry whenever the urge strikes me. I used to go months without crying, and whenever I did shed tears, it was alone in my room while muffling the few sounds I accidentally let slip. I'm a natural crybaby, but I had schooled myself into thinking for a number of reasons that it was bad to cry— that it was selfish, or attention-seeking, or weak— so I've been trying to reclaim my teary-eyed identity. It's been difficult, but it's so freeing to let myself feel things fully. All of this is to say: let the tears fall. I've helped more people by crying than my stoicism ever did. 

Thanks again. I can't properly word my gratitude, but know that it's overwhelming :,>

[fandom-trauma]

Hello hello! Ive been gone a while. Lots of things have happened, and I'm still in the thick of my final year project, but it's (mostly) coming to an end mid-Feb! Thought Id do a little post (mainly for me and the 4 followers I have) on my current WIPs Ive picked up, and what I plan to be doing. Personal update under the Read More.

First of all, I have like a million art and fic WIPs related to Immortal Desires and Perfect Match 2. No biggie, I just have... lots and lots of thoughts about Poly!PM MC and Poly!ID MC. Yes, this means I do have a fix-it fic about how that end of book confession goes... maybe even a rewrite of the entire last chapter... but hold that thought!

Now that I'm a little bit more versed in Twinery (see second point below for why), I'm a little bit tempted to make my rewrite interactive as well. Just text tho lol, but either way, an ending rewrite is a ways away, and also I kinda wanna wait till Bk2 is released to really start working on it. (I didn't realise ID was GOC so you bet I binged it within three fuckin days when I did. It's a bloody amazing book. I also finally finished my playthrough of PM2, so that explains why these books are giving me immense brainrot.)

SECONDLY, 'A Date with Bryce Lahela' is about halfway done! I'm not exactly sure if I've ever shared the idea publicly to the fandom, but this is the basic gist of it: Date is an attempt on my end of trying to recreate those TF Date Specials, but with the one and only Bryce Lahela. Cool, right? Unfortunately, it's only in text format, bc I'm learning Twinery Harlowe.

What's left of Date? When can I play it/a demo? Pronoun choices, smut scenes and equipment variations, a whole activity is uncoded, trackable achievements, load/save functionality, and after that it's just making sure the whole damn thing works. As for a demo... ;) .. ... Joking. The entire predicted gameplay is short enough to not really need a demo, so there won't be a public one. I aim to have this done by, god, hopefully end of the year? This damn thing's been sitting in my WIPs for two whole years, so I would really like it done and over with, haha, but it's a lot of work for one person.

THIRD, I have a 1.2k word rewrite of Foreign Affairs Ch12 Tatum diamond scene that has been in the making, and rotting away in my WIPs, since 2 April 2021. Honest to god, it's a little bit of a vent fic, and I've been slowly chipping away at it whenever I've been stressed. The rewrite isn't because I see the scene as bad, but I do wish there was a liiiiiittle more hurt/comfort in it lol.

FOURTH, well... I have a few Bryce x M!MC smut fics that, uh, really should be finished and see the light of day. Or, at least escape the WIP folder and experience the cool damp corner of my tumblr blog.

So, that's my WIPs so far! Personal stuff under the read more.

----- ----- ----- -----

My 3D animation final year project wraps up a couple of weeks before my graduation. I knew the workload was going to be larger than what I've had with my previous 2D animation projects, but boy it really hits different when you're actually working on it. I won't go into it too detailed, but if you're curious, feel free to ask about it!

My 2023 started off as a... mixed bag. Low lows and high highs, I guess. Won't go into it, but yeah, not great.

Me having Date in semi-working condition is purely because of a NYE group gift exchange and my hubris at making a working product within 2 weeks. It was... yeah, no, I've been humbled, but man was the result such an endorphin rush.

I've also got really into making custom content for The Sims 4, so that's where the bulk of my free time went, really. I'm active in a few TS4 discord servers, so if you see mothy-simmie, say hi :P

[cosplayprincess21]

I posted 471 times in 2022

140 posts created (30%)

331 posts reblogged (70%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@acilykos-art

@disasterpersonified

@im-surviving-off-of-tea11

@the-ancient-ocean

@headphonemouse

I tagged 226 of my posts in 2022

#dr stone - 176 posts

#dcst - 168 posts

#dr. stone - 151 posts

#drst - 127 posts

#gen asagiri - 72 posts

#asagiri gen - 72 posts

#ryusui nanami - 59 posts

#senku ishigami - 54 posts

#kohaku - 51 posts

#nanami ryusui - 42 posts

Longest Tag: 114 characters

#seriously ive rewatched dr.stone. how i met your mother. the originals and moriarty the patriot multiple times now

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Senku hcs

Oh this shall be fun

Realizes he's aromantic asexual in middle school. Everyone else was going on about romance and dating and all that other stuff, and all he cared about was science.

Was the one lecturing people in elementary school about why certain super powers can't be real and crushed the hopes and dreams of those wanting lazer vision

Would secretly leave Taiju money or other things he needed but pretended he had no idea where they came from

Since hes the definition of aroace, his gaydar is never wrong

Tried to figure out if he could turn himself into a robot as a kid, it did not work

Speaking of robots, he had robot pj's up until he was 11 in which he traded them for science ones

His experiments would make stay up late into the night, so naturally, he developed a taste for energy drinks.

At night he will sometimes think of Byakuya and remember all the memories he has with his dad, he might try to act like the man was embarrassing and all, but deep down hes a kid who never got to say goodbye to his dad

The only two people he can fully confide in are Taiju and Yuzuirha

While its common for kids who are adopted to want to know about their biological parents, he doesnt. He had Byakuya after all, and Byakuya is his dad, nothing else matters.

Hope you like them. Senku is a very fun character to make headcanons for.

45 notes - Posted March 28, 2022

#4

no one in Dr.STONE is an autistic retard so why do you plan to make a post about it? just cause you're retarded doesnt mean they are

congrats you got me to use Tumblr Desktop instead of my phone because im going to have a lot to say.

First of all, fuck off with the R word here, its an outdated and harmful term thats rooted in Ableism. Secondly i was going to ignore this and delete it when i saw the first line but then you also decided to insult me so you know enjoy getting your ass handed to you.

But whats wrong with noticing that certain characters in Dr.STONE are ASD coded? Like everyone accepts that Ryusui has ADHD but being autistic is something bad right? News Flash it isnt. Also show me where in the manga that Sai and Yuzuriha dont show traits of autism? i feel explaining to you would be a waste of energy but just know this is only going to make my post on it even longer cause holy fuck the beginning will now have a rant about people like you. Do me a favor and never send an ask here again and kindly fuck off.

Also this comment really pissed me off and i was going to focus on just Sai and Yuzuriha but now im gonna add Magma,Senku and Ruri to this as well cause ive also been seeing them as ASD coded but have been keeping that to myself.

47 notes - Posted August 13, 2022

#3

so i finished fmab

sobbing crying wailing etc it was SO GOOD and completely destroyed me at the same time fhjfjkfjhfkjhsahjsdjhfkjdjghdkjsk definitely the anime of all time

welcome to the world of FMAB. The obsession will never leave, and the pain gets worse with every rewatch. But with that also comes seeing little things you never noticed before which makes the series even better. 

47 notes - Posted January 23, 2022

#2

Ok so ill be posting about the final chapter soon but. IM SO HAPPY SENKU DIDNT GET ANY LOVE INTERESTS. HES AROACE AND STAYS AROACE HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

54 notes - Posted March 6, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Ok but i really need to know what people have against aroace characters? Like theres nothing wrong with any character being aroace but for some reason it just causes others to be so upset and for what? Ive seen it with mostly One Piece and The Disastrous Life of Saiki K. Luckily havent seen it as much with Dr.STONE or at least on tumblr. The number of people ive blocked on tiktok for getting upset about Senku being CANONICALLY aroace is ridiculous. But yeah can someone just explain this to me? Cause aroace exist and we do deserve to have our representation in media and not in the "oh im rude because im aroace and thats my only personality" way. But in a way where we ardnt dehumanized for not feeling romantic or sexual attraction.

331 notes - Posted July 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[atlantis54]

2 3 19 and 21 for the writers asks!

2. well, at first, but after a while i think i'd just give up lmao. that plus i tend to be pretty disorganized so unless im keeping it in a folder or smthn that wip is going straight to the shadow realm /j

3. hmm... i guess it'd have to be having a brainrot about my wip ideas over the course of at least a few days and then losing all motivation when i actually sit down to try and make it real. it happens a lot-

21. probably not. ive been into writing since i was little, and its a hobby thats stuck to me for years, so having to quit something i enjoy doing so much sounds like a nightmare... that being said, im always welcome to take breaks from writing. a hiatus is fine but flat out quitting is a no

and finally, ask 19, which is really, really long, so ill just put it under a read more for the sake of everyone lmao

19. i started when i was really little. what age? cant remember. i had a very early love of reading and writing, so i decided to start writing stories! i originally started on paper, writing stories about whatever scenario came to mind. it didnt matter if i finished them or not, i still enjoyed it, yknow? however, the thing i loved most was making comics which combined my love of art and writing.

after a long while, i stopped with the random scenarios and started focusing more on developing coherent stories that were tied together. surprisingly, i didnt start writing online until i was around 8 or 9. it started in powerpoints of all things where i rambled about the ideas i had for my OCs and (again) random scenarios, as well as getting my friends to do roleplays. i still miss the pokemon rp me and my friends made in 3rd-4th grade ;w; good times

eventually, i moved on to the much more sensible word documents (this was when i was 9, 10 or 11 i think) where i began the creation of my Kirby fanon universe. the fanon lore that ive made for Kirby is probably the most headcanons ive ever had for anything (as Kirby was my first fandom), so this is like the beginning of a legend to me.

finally, i signed up for Fandom Wikia with the goal to share my stories with the internet. i began my migration all over the place, going from Fandom Wikia to Wattpad, then to Tumblr, then to Comic Studio, then BACK to Tumblr... its been a crazy ride. but no matter where i went i made sure to share my stories.

now, im trying to improve on my writing skills. upon rereading my older fanfics, i realized they were... well, not the best. currently, my writing to-do list is to finish the Daily Life section of my Danganronpa multiverse crossover fic, begin writing an idea for an owlbit fic, and to begin the rewrites of 2 of my older works. its a little daunting of a task, but im sure that i can do it! besides, my fanfics arent particularly popular (i only have 27 followers on wattpad rip) so i dont have to worry too much about people begging me to get on w/ the chapters heh

anyway, thank you for the ask! have a duck as an apology gift for having to read that big wall of text :D

he got the. hat

[cherrylouvol6]

to celebrate the impending release of the final chapter of the whms fic, heres some cursed facts about this universe that you really dont need to know (spoiler warning but also not really)

- bree is briana i just didnt want to type her full name cause ew right

- the “andrew” harry goes on a date with in chapter 7 is actually andrew garfield, simply because i couldn't think of any other eligible british men and i watched the social network a few weeks ago

- stevie started out as just a random original character name cause i didn’t want to put, like, hannah or danielle in there (it felt weird and cheesy idk its bad enough that i included briana) but when i wrote her reappearance i was like oh wait a second is that.......steve aoki

- so maybe she is steve aoki. it doesn’t have to be though cause lol cursed. you can pretend it's actually stevie nicks if you like, that'd be funny

- idk if anyone noticed that stevie’s fiancé is called winston but uh. yeah the name is a reference to THAT winston. the one that made the atrocious you and i music video (fuck u ben!)

- one may assume that when taylor says her song is about “someone i met in new york” she means like, dianna or karlie or someone, but it’s actually me. that’s my obligatory shameless cursed self-insert character, the nameless blink-and-you-miss-it new york lover that inspired state of grace. its my fic i make the rules

i think thats it for the cursed facts. hope you enjoyed the fic i had a fuckin BLAST writing it lol x

[agoodfictitle-shadowban]

The Fate You Fight - Pt. 3

Wanda Maximoff x F!Reader

Word Count: 5.7k

[TFYF Masterlist]

Tags: soulmate AU, telephatic link soulmate, architect!reader, jewish!Wanda, post-MoM, hurt/comfort, no proofreading

Warnings: mention of abuse, description of violence, language, mention of attempted suicide

Summary: You never wanted anything to do with your soulmate, but when you find her in an advanced state of distress you had to help. After that, it becomes hard to let her go.

A/n: okay, now we've caught up with what ive written so far, and im replenished in serotonine (your comments give me so much of it you have no idea), so it should make it easier for me to finish writing this piece. Although stressing out because im getting my wisdom teeth removed soon so rip me. Anyway, love you guys, i hope you like this chapter! <3

Taglist: @red1culous @yenmaximoff (since you said you wanted more)

A few more days went by, and Wanda assured you she was fine with you going back to the office most of the day. She seemed to really be doing better now that she had people who supported her, but she seemed bored. You quickly discovered that her life before all this rarely gave her time to find a hobby outside of watching old tv shows. When with the Avengers she spent most of her time training, and before that she was a lab rat, so that wasn't fertile soil to develop interests.

Still, she made an effort to find an occupation, she started reading, tried Anath's video games, even played around with some old art supplies you bought once upon a time and never truly picked up later on. But nothing seemed to really scratch the itch.

Then one day, as Anath was home - she had inherited a week of night shift - and watching the news, a report came about an ongoing battle in the center of Manhattan where the newest members of the Avengers were fighting some terrible danger and were in a really precarious position. Wanda looked at the report in horror, then outside the window from where she could see a column of smoke rising. Before she had even time to think about it, she went to the balcony and jumped into action.

Immediately your best friend called you to inform you of what just happened, and you had to excuse yourself as you went to the closest computer near you, pushing the hands of its user to take control.

"Hey! What's wrong with you Y/ln?"

"Shut up, Dave."

You pulled up a live news feed and looked as your soulmate just arrived on the fight scene just in time to save the new Black Widow and Hawkeye from being crushed by debris. She then flew to the danger and what looked like a very violent battle started while the news anchor commented on the witch's return.

You had a bad feeling about this.

At least the fight didn't last since Wanda took care of the threat in a few minutes, top, before taking off into the unknown. You bolted from the office, trying to get a hold of Wanda's phone, unsuccessfully.

Shit.

Was she going to be okay? She hadn't used her powers in a while, and after the Sokovia Accords she kept a low profile since she was a fugitive. Her appearing out of nowhere like that was bound to bring some unwanted attention.

That was bad.

Finally, she answered her phone.

"Wanda, where are you?"

"The outskirt of the city. I didn't want to go back to your place and risk bringing attention there." That was actually smart.

"Okay, ping me your location, I'm picking you up. In the meantime, stay hidden."

She did what you asked for, and after a while she was climbing in your car. Immediately she noticed how white your knuckles were on the wheel.

"Y/n…"

"Not now." Your voice was strained and dry, trying to hide any form of emotions.

Wanda recoiled in her seat while your eyes stayed glued on the road. The way home was quick but heavy with what you left unsaid, but what worried her even more was the lack of your voice in her head. Were you truly not thinking anything, or did you cut her off? She had no way to tell, so when you closed the door behind you she turned to face you, eyes already filling with tears. But before she could say anything, you crashed into her in a crushing hug.

"I was so scared, Wanda, so scared." You plunged your face in the crook of her neck, taking deep breaths. She smelled like sweat and smoke after her fight.

"I'm okay Y/n, I'm good," she reassured you as she finally laced her arms around you, rubbing your back in slow circles. "I don't even have a scratch, I swear."

You actually took the time to examine her, backing away, your eyes roaming her in search of any visible wound. You nodded. Good. That was good. Still, you brought her in your arms again. You wanted to feel her against you, solid, there. When you finally let your arms slide off of her she took your hands in hers, her fingers still black at the tip but slowly going back to normal with time, and squeezed them gently.

"You feeling better?" She asked and you nodded.

Everything was good. There was just a question burning on your tongue but you had no idea if you should ask it. It was none of your business, you thought. On the other hand…

"Are you going to get back into superheroing?" You asked in a worried whisper.

Her eyebrows furrowed at the question as if she didn't think about it. And she didn't. "I don't know," she answered in a confused tone, because she truly had no idea. "I… I acted on instinct. They were kids. I had to do something."

You thought about it, pinching your lips before you nodded. "Okay."

"You're not mad?" She tilted her head at that, some more confusion etched on her face.

"No, no, I'm not mad. I–" you stammered and looked up at the ceiling as you looked for your words. "I was worried, but also… you're a kickass hero, and I kind of told you to do good. And if for you it means going out there and fighting, so be it."

"O-okay, that's… I'm… I don't know yet if–" she breathed out shakily. "I don't know if I will do that too often."

"That's good, I mean, fine, you know. Do that as often as you want," you rambled a bit and she laughed, and you did too. "God, you were so cool out there!"

You laced your fingers with hers and leaned forward so your foreheads touched.

"It felt good to help again."

"Okay, how about celebratory take out? Chinese?"

She rolled her eyes and shook her head when another voice sounded from the living room.

"I'm open to chinese."

Anath smirked at you and you blushed. You had completely forgotten she was here, and apparently Wanda had too since she was getting almost as red as her hair.

Your best friend laughed, and you took your phone out to get the food.

*

"Sooo, Y/n," Anath started and you could see she wanted something.

You raised your eyebrows. "Yes, Anath?"

"Wanda hasn't been using the guest room for a while." Where the hell was she going with this? "And my dad is coming to town for a conference soon."

Ah, that's where she was going. "And you want him to stay here."

She nodded sheepishly.

"I'll talk to her about it." You didn't even know what you were supposed to talk about exactly. You narrowed your eyes at Anath. "When is he coming?"

"In two days."

You drank your coffee. You were not looking forward to having that conversation.

*

"Sooo, Wanda," you started in a very similar way as Anath did earlier. Wanda frowned and let you continue while she steered the food in the pot.

"Anath's dad will be in town, and she'd like him to stay here. And you know. You've been sleeping with me. I mean, in my room, I mean, you know." You were feeling so flustered, it was getting ridiculous. Lately you had found yourself more nervous than usual around Wanda, your heart beating in your chest stronger than ever.

"Are you asking me to move in your room?" She was now arching an eyebrow and you felt dumb with your sweaty palms.

"It's just temporary, then–"

"Okay." Your eyes widened. "I'll move to your room."

"Oh, good. Huh. Temporarily?"

"If you want it to be."

You looked to the side, a hand on the back of your neck. "Let's try it out before we make any big decision."

It doesn't have to mean anything, after all. You would be fine, right? You were not at all developing a giant crush on Wanda after all, mhm, nope, never.

*

Two days later, you had emptied a few of your drawers for Wanda to fully move in your room for the week to come. It felt oddly natural to have her take up more of your personal space, but it also left you feeling uneasy, trapped by an all knowing universe, and it bothered you deeply. But as usual, you repressed your emotions as deeply as possible so you wouldn't have to think about it. So when Anath's dad, Ephraim, finally arrived, everything was ready.

As usual you spent a good five minutes listening to them exchange in Hebrew from the kitchen, not understanding anything until a translation seemed to pop in your head in Wanda's voice. That made you frown pretty deeply and you glanced at her as she seemed to follow the conversation along as she snacked on cashews - yours, by the way, apparently now she was okay with just stealing your food. Finally the man came to say hello to the both of you and was pleasantly surprised to hear Wanda speak Hebrew to him.

Anath threw a questioning look your way and you just shrugged. You had no idea she spoke the language or if she had any religious affiliation to begin with.

The rest of the day flew by, and you actually learned that Wanda was jewish, which, good for her. You already knew a bit from Anath but never truly took the time to study the matter that much. She admitted she didn't practice anymore, but she still received an invitation to join Anath's family during important holidays - along with the one you received every time one of them came around. You had a feeling this time you might actually take it if Wanda's thoughts were anything to go by.

The next morning as you were taking breakfast with everyone, a golden magic portal opened in your living room and Wanda immediately jumped on her feet when Dr. Strange and Wong came through. This was bad, you could tell, so you stood up too.

"Do you often have wizards coming through portals here nowadays?" Ephraim asked in a whisper towards his daughter and child-in-law.

"It's honestly starting to feel like a Tuesday," Jamie answered, Anath simply tilting her head, unable to deny it.

"Strange, what are you doing here?" A very nervous Wanda challenged, hands at the ready to use her magic.

"I could ask you the same question, Wanda. More so I should ask you the same question. I thought you died at the top of Wundagore," Strange answered, while Wong behind him was also assuming a fighting stance, just in case.

"I think I want that weird man to answer first," Anath piped up, drawing attention to her.

"I'm sorry, who, who are you?" He asked, looking at her.

"Dr. Anath Weiss. This is my apartment."

"Mine too," you added, while Jamie mumbled it and raised their hand to say they were an inhabitant too. Strange looked at the older man in the room.

"I'm just visiting, don't mind me."

He actually had a better look at him. "Are you Dr. Ephraim Weiss? You're the current director at UC San Diego Health, aren't you?"

"Oh, Dr. Stephen Strange! You used to be a prick."

This made Jamie spit out food everywhere on the table. Wong behind him seemed conflicted. He wanted to say something, but seemed to agree to a certain degree.

"Well, I'm not here to be disrespected, so, Wanda. Come with me."

You could hear a lithanie of 'no's coming from her mind and her eyes started to turn red. That was your cue to step in, so you did, taking a step to move in front of Wanda, between her and Strange.

"I'm sorry buddy, but she's not going anywhere."

He rolled his eyes, this was getting old. "And who are you?"

"Y/n Y/ln. I'm her soulmate."

He blinked at that, looking between the both of you. "But I thought–" he started, confusion all over his features, but it was quite clear what he thought for Wanda.

"You thought it was Vision."

Wait, what? Vision as in… The Vision? Hiding what you felt right now was hard, but you managed well enough since the wizards didn't seem to notice. Wanda shook her head.

"It was complicated," she said, and boy, it sounded like that. Maybe it was time to ask her some questions.

"Alright, so I take it you won't…" Strange had a look towards you, then your friends. "How about we talk about all this at Kamar-Taj?" He opened a new portal to the temple.

Wanda came closer to you and you extended your hand behind you to grab hers.

"I just want to talk," Strange assured her, "and why don't you bring Y/n with you? As a sign of good faith."

You gave Wanda an interrogating look, and after a few seconds of impossible to grab thoughts, she finally nodded. "We'll come." 

He stepped aside to allow you passage and you walked in the portal with Wanda. Wong came next, and then Strange. The three left in the kitchen looked at the golden ring which disappeared.

"Your place is very lively," Ephraim commented.

Anath drank her coffee, not answering to that. She liked it like that.

As you entered Kamar-Taj, you looked around at everything. There must have been a tornado going through recently with all the damages you could see around here.

"Where are we?" You reached to Wanda in your thoughts - it was the first time you were trying something like that - and she quickly answered, giving you the rundown on Kamar-Taj. Then she added the smallest details at the end.

"All the destruction is my fault."

That was a frown worthy moment, and you felt like you really needed a catch up. When you glanced at Wanda, she was looking down in shame, a slight tremble on her lips. You squeezed her hand reasuringly while you were led to a room. There you side down across Strange and Wong.

"So, let's start with the beginning. What happened after Wundagore."

No playing around with Strange. Wanda decided to simply comply and answer so it would be over faster.

"I survived, I wandered around and arrived in New York. I don't really remember how."

"Alright, then what?"

"I just…" she looked away. "I stayed around. I didn't know what to do. I really thought Wundagore would kill me."

"We thought so too."

Listening to that was painful, but that last part made you tic. "Wait a second," you intervened. "What's Wundagore?"

"It's the place of origin of an ancient powerful book of magic, one that corrupt people and that Wanda had in her possession until recently," Wong answered before Strange would keep him from doing so.

"Is that why…" you wiggled your fingers under the very annoyed look of Strange that you interrupted his interrogation.

"Can we keep going?"

"No, we can't." You snapped at him, your voice starting to fill with anger.

"What?"

You leaned forward and even if you had no power, no magic, no training to look even remotely menacing, the man still felt threatened somehow.

"You knew what she was attempting to do, destroy an ancient site of corrupting magic," a look at Wong and he nodded to confirm it, "and that she would supposedly die from it, which was clearly her goal from what I'm hearing, and you let her do it? Suicide by heroism? What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

Your voice went up and up with anger as you talked and everyone in the room looked at you like two new heads grew on you.

"Well, there was the whole Westview incident, and she just had killed a few people. And then tried to kill a kid," Strange explained, not liking the tone you were employing with him. "And the Darkhold is not really something you come back from."

"You kind of did," Wong pointed out.

"Yes, because it got destroyed."

You looked at the two men in front of you. "Weren't you supposed to be friend at some point? Or at least on the same team with the whole Avengers thing?"

"We weren't exactly– Yes, we collaborated."

"And you didn't stop five seconds to– to just–"

"We tried to give her an out. She was never coerced into attacking that kid, or into attacking here."

"You just fucking said that the magic book corrupted her! That the only reason you're okay is because she destroyed it! You got fucking lucky, because she managed to break the hold! AFTER IT CORRUPTED HER!" You stood up at that, already halfway there since you kept straightening from anger at each of your words. You couldn't take anymore. Wanda looked at your extended hand. "We're leaving. Do your magic thing so we can go home."

The blackened fingers found yours and pulled the witch up. Strange tried to keep you from going by standing in your face. At this point all you could hear was your blood pumping in your temples and before you knew it you punched him.

"Fuck!" That hurted more than you thought it would. Wong decided it was time to take the wheel and opened a portal for you.

"We will visit you again once you've calmed down," he still let you know and you sent him a deatly glare. "Not as enemies."

Once you went through the portal it closed behind you and the others - who were finishing breakfast - looked at you. Wanda bolted for the freezer and took out a pack of peas.

"Shit, what happened," Anath asked looking at you. It was the first time she saw you so mad.

"She punched Strange," Wanda answered and came back to you - you had collapsed on the couch - to press the peas to your hand through a hand towel.

"Good," Ephraim said under the disapproving glance of his daughter who was getting up and approaching you to examine your hand. "What? It's true."

"What did he do?" Your best friend asked, and you glanced at Wanda. She looked scared that you were going to say anything.

"He was just being a dick," you dismissed and as usual, Anath respected your boundaries, Wanda able to breath again.

She looked at your hand that was already bruising. "The last time you picked a fight was warranted, so I won't say anything. Plus your hand is fine, so, no worries. Just keep icing it for now."

You nodded and your friend assembled her side of the family to go out while Wanda stayed next to you, worry in her eyes. Gears seemed to turn in her mind about what just happened, so you were hardly surprised when she finally talked about the whole ordeal that happened.

"You know, they're right. I was beyond redemption at the time…" she looked at her own hands.

"Come on Wands, that's ridiculous. Look how far you've come."

"I tried to kill a teenager, Y/n." Her eyes full of tears found yours. "I wanted to steal her powers for selfish reasons, and for that I killed countless people. And the worse is that I didn't care."

"That wasn't you, that was the– the Darkhold." That was the name of the thing, you thought.

"No. It's not just that… I–" she blinked a few tears away, looking up at the other end of the room. It was time for you to know everything.

*

It took so long for her to tell you everything, from Vision's death to Westview and finally to the dreamwalking and Wundagore. You listened, never saying anything. There was nothing for you to tell anyway, it wasn't your story. From time to time you would give her a squeeze of the hand to help her continue, until finally she reached the final chord. It was all a lot to digest. By the end of it your legs were crossed on the couch and the peas were on the coffee table.

You needed some time to think but you could feel Wanda's expectant gaze shifting continuously between you and her hands, so you still wanted to say something.

"I can't find it in me to blame you, Wanda," you finally said. You refused to absolve her, but you couldn't condemn her either.

"You should. I told you I was a monster."

"You're not. You're only human." That seemed to get her attention for good, her eyes hungry for more explanations. "If I, if anyone, really, had your powers? And if I were in your situation? I'm not sure I would… I'm certain I wouldn't have done better. From Westview to Wundagore."

The red rim of her eyes shined with tears that should have already dried after she told you her story. "I'm destined to destroy the world, Y/n."

"Screw destiny!"

Your sudden fire made her jump. In all this story she gave you, you finally realized how much destiny, fate, whatever you wanted to call it, counted on you never being there for Wanda. Because of course someone who was left alone would want to destroy the world, would want for all of it to end even if it meant taking everyone else with them. And that gave you a real choice, and her too. You would fight so she could have it.

"I mean, fuck, you can't condemn someone because you think that one day they might do a bad thing. No, you help them, until they get better, and until you know they're not a risk anymore. You don't let them try and commit suicide." Your voice became weak under the heavy weight of your words. "People should have helped you."

"I didn't want their help."

"They should have still tried." I should have tried, you thought bitterly. But it was too late to change that now. "I want to try." That was the best you could offer, because you truly believed Wanda was good, that what happened was a fluke. And you also believed she had to make amends, do better.

"I'm not worth it."

Gently, you took both of her hands between yours. "I choose to believe you are."

She looked at your linked hands, and at the way your eyes were burning with so much hope and trust. Trust in her despite everything she did and everything she could still do. It was something she missed, that feeling that someone had her back no matter what. It was something you chose for yourself too. You chose to be there for her, and that alone made it all so much easier.

"How will I ever be able to thank you for everything?"

A warm smile spreaded on your face, a love - not romantic, not yet - evident in your eyes.

"Get better."

*

And she did. A few weeks went by, during which she came into contact with various people - the most notable being Clint Barton since he knew better than anyone else in the old team how she felt after everything she did, and she started seeing a therapist - one from Kamar-Taj who renounced her old life but agreed to use her knowledge for this very specific case. It helped ease Strange and Wong too, and even if they kept checking on Wanda, it was more in the spirit of making sure she was okay than real surveillance.

Jamie made good on his idea and every week they would select a special dish to cook for Wanda - sometimes with her too. She went ahead and helped the new Avengers from time to time when Clint was busy with his family, and you had the occasion to meet a few of them when they needed patching up and Anath was home. Your place was quickly becoming a secondary med bay for them, and you had to remind them that it was still your place of living, so from time to time they would bring food and drinks and impose a game night.

The friendship between you and Wanda grew, and so did your crush, but you were still hesitant to act on it despite your best friend's sporadic remarks that she clearly liked you too.

"It's not the problem, An'," you told her one day. "It's that I'm not sure if she's ready for a relationship. Hell! I'm not sure if I'm ready."

"Sounds to me like you're just avoiding your feelings."

"Which kind of proves my point, doesn't it? If I were ready for a relationship, I wouldn't feel the need to avoid my feelings." Anath sent you a weary look.

"Why are you like this?"

"Years of unresolved trauma," you answered as you picked up a bag of potatoes to throw in your shopping cart. "And I just… I don't want to rush. Plus it's not because we're soulmates that we have to be together that way."

"But you want to."

You did. Sometimes it would keep you up at night, and you'd have to stay in the living room until she fell asleep so that you wouldn't keep her awake by admiring her - yes, it happened often enough that it became a problem.

"That's irrelevant. She had a husband and kids that she lost inside a month of time. I can't just spring my feelings on her like that."

Anath sighed and gave up. She knew that even if you were now more open to the soulmate subject, your situation was still hard to deal with. If anything were to ever happen, it probably would come in time. You were certainly in no hurry.

*

"So, anything new with Y/n? Maybe a date or two?" Clint asked while he was checking the breakfast aisle with Wanda. She acted like she didn't hear the question, but the blush on her face showed otherwise. Sometimes even just thinking about you would elicit very strong reactions from - and within - her. "Come on kid, it's obvious."

"Well. No, nothing happened. We're just friends." A very sad truth if there ever was one. You had a few 'moments' where there had been a spark, where eyes fleetingly found the other's lips, but neither of you ever acted on it. It was always a bit awkward after with the tension in the air, but it was all but forgotten the next morning when you would wake up in each other's arms. Which might also be something you needed to discuss, because for all accounts and purposes, you were a couple in a lot of aspects of your life. "I don't think she wants more."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because if she did, she had plenty of occasions to show me. Or tell me." She picked up a box of cereals - Kate's favourites - and put it in her cart.

"Have you thought that maybe she's trying to give you space and time?" Clint pointed out in all his wisdom.

"What if I don't want space and time?" She walked over to the next aisle. "What if I want more?"

"Well, then you'll have to tell her." He put some boxed mac&cheese in the cart for Yelena - Jamie hated it. "I know she can literally read your mind, but maybe she has a reason not to act on it."

"What would that be?"

So many answers came to Clint's mind, but he decided to keep most of them for himself and instead impart some wisdom. "What you want is not always what you need, and maybe she thinks that even if you both want each other, you both need to take some time before you rush into anything."

Wanda considered his words. He was probably right, you had always been very attuned to what she needed. She actually talked about it with Therese - her therapist - and pointed out pretty much the same thing as Clint did. You both had heavy trauma, and rushing might cause more damages than anything else. It could cause one of you to panic, or trigger unexpected trauma.

"I don't like it, but I see your point," she said in a careful tone. Clint smiled at her proudly - he could see how far she'd come, all her progress, even if she still had a long way to go.

"I'm glad you do." He looked over her shoulder at something on the other side of the store. "Now I suggest we go, I think Yelena just broke something."

Wanda turned around only to see the assassin and Kate trying to hide their latest catastrophe.

*

Days went by, then weeks and months, and the more time went by, the harder it was to resist your feelings and the way Wanda would look at you, full of hope. It was one you gave her, that now had grown to be her own. It wasn't just hope to be with you, to find a shoulder to cry on so she would feel better, it was all she aspired to do in the future, with or without you by her side. And it was beautiful, but you still wondered if you could do it.

"Wanda!" You heard someone call as you were walking with her towards the portal Wong made - you had taken a habit to take tea with him while Wanda had her therapy session after you helped with Kamar-Taj rebuilding. You turned around to see a young woman with a jean jacket. Wanda recoiled against you, a panic you hadn't seen in her eyes in a while taking over her.

She's right here, everyone trusts you, Wanda, it would be so easy to just take it. Take it. Take it.

The life she dreamed of with her boys had lost some of its appeal to her - maybe because of how heavily she associated it with Vision -, but from time to time, she still heard that voice inside of her, still saw their faces, and heard their voices calling for her. But she kept fighting it, saw it for what it was now, grief appropriated by an evil she was still fighting. Nowadays, her fingers barely showed any signs of the corruption she went through, but she still felt its effects in those moments.

The young woman - America, you guessed - stopped in front of you both, so you took Wanda's hand in order to reassure her.

"I'm joining the Avengers!" She exclaimed excitedly.

"Are they running out of recruits? Between you and Kamala, you're gonna bring the age demographic through the ground," you commented. You loved Kamala, but she was way too young to fight crime. And from what you saw, America was too.

"Well, I'm not joining-joining, but I'll be helping during minor crisis! And if I'm supervised by a senior Avenger, sooooo…" her eyes fell on Wanda once again. "What do you say? Want to team up?"

"I– I'll have to think about it," she answered, her voice wavering.

"Sure! Oh and don't worry about the whole trying to kill me for my powers thing. I talked with Strange and Wong, and they say you're cool now! And I trust them, so, I trust you too!"

That made you wince, and a quick look at Wanda told you all you needed to know without even hearing her thoughts.

"Anyway, gotta bolt, see you soon!"

And with that she left as fast as she came. Wanda and you finally went through the portal and soon enough you were home alone. You turned to look at her, make sure she was okay, but as you did, you could see that she was anything but. Slowly you guided her to the couch and sat her down, doing the same with one leg under you so you could face her.

"Wands…?"

"I– I can't, Y/n," she murmured when she finally dared to glance at you.

"That's okay, you don't have to accept."

"I don't even understand– why would she ask me? I tried to kill her."

You thought about it. "Maybe she feels like your set of powers make you the best candidate," you shrugged. That was the only explanation you could conjure up. If Strange were here, maybe he would suggest that it had to do with the both of you reminding her of her mothers. "I don't think it really matters why, just that she asked and whether or not you feel up to it."

"Do you think I should do it?" She asked you. She would do it on occasion, ask your opinion on matters she had a hard time resolving. She liked that your perspective was usually more global than her, as you would look at the problem from a more distant eye.

You blew up your cheek before you let out a deep sigh. "I mean… you're an exceptional witch, and maybe spending time with the girl might actually help you heal from what happened with her."

Wanda clearly still felt guilty about it, as she should, but if America was ready to forgive her and even work with her, then maybe it was a good occasion to show that she truly changed.

She followed your train of thoughts and nodded. "That's a good point…"

"But you still need time to think about it." That made sense, it's not like it was a small decision to take. She nodded in answer.

"When she approached us, I… there was this voice in me–" she started, and you knew what she was talking about. She had revealed to you at some point how sometimes she would feel tempted, how she wanted to use her powers to make the universe bend to her will, and how hard it was to do so. The first time she told you, she cried so much about it. To her it was proof she was a bad person, but to you it just showed how much of a fighter she was.

"That voice isn't you, you know it," you said as you wrapped yourself around her and she sank into you.

She never answered your statement, but she didn't need to. You could hear her loud and clear, fighting her doubts with your words.

"Why don't we watch something so you can clear your mind a bit, and we can talk about it again tomorrow morning?" You offered.

She nodded and you took a better position on the couch, allowing her to lean against your front, and you put on her favourite show.

[victoria1676]

If only you knew the amount of fun i had making this:

Ive been having so much fun drawing xinyan from the imposter au with the few details you discribe her with along with a little imagination for her design if you don't mind but i would also like to make a note that i was using a body sketch i found so sorry if it doesn't look like my art style i was just trying to make the body and style match i was going for match so ya that's that lol but also i believe i didn't get her tone right since i just got a pic of her full design and used her color palette to draw this so sorry if she looks to light I'm willing to redraw it since the pic of her that i used had bright lighting and ya that's a few things i wanted to say about the drawing and I hope you don't mind the little headcannons i made, tho I'm really more interested in how you veiw xinyan since she had a bit of time to show up but didn't really do much but warn aether with the letter and just dipped out and went of somewhere so I'm really excited for what you have in store for her and the rest once you finish the next chapter lol so I'll be waiting while drawing the few characters design for the future lol but feel free to state how you personally feel about this drawing since in enjoy any feed back or small stuff you'd would like to add anyway see ya lol.

(I'm slowly working on fishel since she's pretty difficult so send help)

-Anon Crow ✌️🙂

Heyo sorry i didnt see this yestersay i was busy trying to get Kazuha and finally got him! Plus a new sword for Kaeya that is now my second 5 star weapon XD Bless my friend who wished on my account 😭😭😭 The fact i also had a dream of actually getting Kazuha after thinking i couldnt get him and the DREAM WAS REAL YASSS!

Ahem- Back to the ask you sent with a fanart and can I say Im still half alseep since i just woke up but damn i didnt expect you drew Xinyan and she looks pretty cool! OwO

I did say in my story around Prologue 2 that Xinyan had her hair down since i feel like she wouldnt stick to her usual hairstyle after what happened which you guys can read it here in prologue 2 XD but i also mentioned Xinyan got her entire arm off including her elbow OwO

Still though im impressed with your design on her and she really looks amazing! You did amazing Anon Crow!! UwU tbh all i can say is positive words and if you want to redraw it you can since it is your drawing after all OwO i can understand as a fellow artists we arent satisfied what we draw so over all i am okay with your drawing but its your opinion if you want to re-draw or not XD

[neutron-stars-collision]

The Art of Inversion

Neil x Reader

Chapter 22 - Not Strong Enough

Masterlist; Chapter 21

Summary: You reunite with Neil aboard the icebreaker. With the tension amping up and the mission nearing it’s finale, you have a difficult time making sense of everything. 

Warnings: angst (yep, loads of it), swearing.

Author’s Notes: Here it is, finally! Know it took me ages, and I’m so sorry for that. Hopefully from now on it won’t be as bad... This one was fun to write since there’s a lot of emotions to go through :)) Hope you’ll enjoy! Let me know what you think!

PS. Now that we’re onto the icebreaker chapters let me just say that I’ve got a lot planned ;) and I’m excited to share it so thank you all who have sticked around <3 

The moment you stepped out of the inversion chambers and into the normal world (well, normal but looking fucked up to you and eight days previously), Ives received the promised further instructions. Get to Trondheim with the local squad, regroup with the reinforcements there, get on board the icebreaker equipped with the inversion technology. At least that was the information you got. Easy. Well, almost, but thankfully nothing seemed to depend on you. Yet. So, you followed the rest of the squad onto the chinook, ignoring the phone that never rang anymore. That was okay. You would not even know what to tell Neil if he called. In less than two hours, you were on military transport to Norway. Again.

In the tense silence of those hours of flight, it was easy to rest. At least you have changed the setting and could focus on stressing about all that was to come instead of the personal matters. Yes, you would have to face Neil and probably work with him as though nothing happened. But the more pressing matter was the potential world ending. For that, you could endure the pain. Focusing on avoiding hyperventilation through the mask, you fell asleep, giving in to the tiredness. When Wheeler shook you awake hours later, you have landed at the base in Trondheim. The icebreaker was supposed to cross by the shore on the next day, leaving the night to be camped out in the military containers on the periphery of the base.

You were lucky to land a spot in the container shared with Wheeler, as she was second in command, and you were still considered ‘precious cargo’. Precious to whom you had no idea. But that did not matter. After a quick meal made up of tin food and weak tea from the thermos, your roommate left for an inspection of the troops and a confab with Ives. You had peace. Taking off the unnecessary layers of clothing, you intended to use the time to curl up under the covers and mope. But it was not meant to be. Suddenly the silence of the air-locked container got pierced by your phone ringing. What the hell… Glancing at the display, your heart stopped for a split second. For a moment, you wanted to ignore it. To pretend you are not available. But your heart knew better, unable to give up the possibility of hearing his voice after all this time. Sitting up on the cot, you picked up the phone. A long exhale on the other side followed by…

“Hey”

As simple as that. Fuck. Neil’s voice was enough to trigger the feelings. The husky tone, the tiredness you sensed through that one word alone. The advantage of the phone call was that he could not hide too much. Not from you.

“Hi… um, why…” you trailed off, annoyed at how something so simple could disrupt the fragile peace.

But judging by the long pause, it was not just you for whom the conversation was a struggle. Brilliant.

“TP told me to call you” right, “Give you a run-down of the state of affairs, so tomorrow is easier for us all,” he added, using that professional tone you came to detest.

Call you? The voice of reason tried to break through the amalgamation of thoughts and feelings. It did not make much sense, seeing as TP did not even trust you after the latest revelations.

“Me?” you blurted out.

Anyone else would have been a more obvious choice. But Neil called you. Why? You wanted to add that question to the mix, but before you could do so, he came up with an answer.

“Not exactly, but I’ve decided that you can pass it on to Ives and so on” the uncertainty in his voice ignited the spark.

“I see” that was the only comment you could muster.

But he understood. He cleared his throat before resuming the conversation. An image flashed before your eyes: tired Neil, with ruffled hair, curled up in the armchair in Oslo, glancing at you from the pages of the book you just borrowed him. That stupid soft smile gracing his exquisite features. Eyes sparkling with satisfaction and affection. Enough.

“We’ve managed to save Kat with that stunt in Oslo…” his voice brought you back to the present moment.

That was something. Despite not having even talked to Kat, you felt sympathy towards her.

“I’m glad. Is she alright?” you occupied the shaking hands with picking up pieces of lint off the blanket.

It did not help your racing pulse. Or the increasing ache in your chest.

“Yeah, she’s recovering. There’s a scar, but that’s nothing compared to what could’ve happened”

God knows what made you say the first thing on your mind then:

“We’ve all been scarred… one way or another” as soon as the words left your mouth, you knew that it was too much.

Fucked up again. It was difficult to remember that you were not supposed to share your thoughts with him anymore. That this was not allowed. Once again, so much had to be left unspoken just for the sake of your sanity.

“I know that better than anyone” his response and the sombre tone made you swallow hard.

Of course. You had no doubts he was regretting the decision to take that bullet for you in New York. After all, the scar was there to haunt him for eternity, reminding him of the time and effort wasted on you.

“TP met with Priya in Oslo…” the change of topic was vital, “She told him about the algorithm and got us the icebreaker” Neil explained.

Back to business. Thank God. All would be perfect if it was not for the audible strain in his voice. It was evidently torturing. For both of you.

“Sator’s got it? All of the parts?” clearing your head, you asked the most important of questions.

How fucked were you?

“Yes,” no hesitation.

Very much so. What would life be without a world-ending scenario taking place just when everything was coming apart? Too boring, probably.

“Fuck” you breathed into the phone, taking a beat to think, “Do we know where? When?”

At least anxiety now had a proper anchor. Something to dig into and stay fixed for a while. A constant companion.

“The day of the Kiev opera siege. But I don’t know where, TP won’t tell me” the remorse was palpable, “Kat helped us piece it together. Sator’s dying, and probably intends to kill himself and trigger the dead-drop, activating the algorithm” double fuck.

Could it get worse? You dared not ask. For a moment, you were grateful Neil called you with the news. At least that way, you heard it from someone you trusted. Or once trusted.

“Jesus…” the silence on the other end was almost comforting, “So that’s the plan? To go back and try to stop him…” you trailed off, raking your head for ways to fix things.

Inversion for over a week more was one thing. Actually pulling this off was another. Because you doubted someone like Sator would be unprepared. You could only hope someone had a plan. Or that your helpful texts would come around. One could wish.

“Yes, in essence,” Neil confirmed your thoughts with that ever-present gloom in his tone.

He was worried too. That eternal desire to comfort him nagged at your bruised heart. It would only get worse once he was within your reach. The collision was unavoidable.

“Okay,” suddenly you wanted nothing but to end the call and sleep, “I’ll let Ives know”

With the awkwardness burning bright, the goodbye was on the tip of your tongue. But…

“I-” Neil cut himself off suddenly.

What? The curiosity was relentless.

“Do you need anything else?” you sat up straighter, forcing the nonchalance.

“No,” after a beat, he added, “Well-”

Christ. There was no power to ignore him.

“Yes?” you stifled the butterflies in your stomach.

It could only hurt more. Surely he would not have anything better to say.

“How are you doing?” the question was dropped with merciless indifference.

You were right. Only he could be that blunt. Unable to keep cool, you cursed out loud:

“Fuck’s sake” taking a deep breath, you gathered all the needed strength to continue, “Neil, do you seriously want me to answer this question?”

There was not enough air in the room. Forcing yourself to calm down, you stared at the wall, counting dents in the metal. Anything to stop the panic.

“I just thought... we’re... I haven’t seen you in over a week and-” he stumbled over the sentence pathetically.

“Maybe it’s better you stop thinking,” you cut him off, feeling the familiar surge of anger “For a while”

How did he dare? You would have thought that he would know better. That he would understand that things changed, and he was no longer allowed access into your mind. But trust Neil to mess it up. To be ignorant of how you felt.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you” the soft tone took you by surprise.

Despite the shock, you were too pissed off to give in.

“... I’m afraid you’ve fucked it then,”

There was no stopping the words that spilled from your throat. They rolled off your tongue, fueled by bitterness and hurt.

“It’s not easy getting over rejection, but then you wouldn’t know that. Everyone wants you. And if they don’t, you move on. No hearts harmed in the process. But not everyone is that lucky” you finished only once there was no breath left in your lungs.

Now he knew. The words hung in the space between you, making the phone seem heavy in your hand. Too much too soon. Just when you thought Neil would not respond, you could hear him take a deep breath before asking:

“Is this really how you understand what I said?” the strange timbre in his voice was confusing.

It was as though he was utterly defeated, devoid of anything but resignation. But why? It was you who were hurting, not him. It made no sense.

“Yes,” that had to suffice.

You already said too much, exposed yourself again. Giving him ammunition to strike when necessary. There was no pretending that you did not care. Or that your misplaced love confession during your last conversation was a lie. A sudden noise at the airlock made you look up. Wheeler entered your shared container, oblivious to the drama taking place. After a second of hesitation, you found that you did not mind the company. Once your eyes met, you just nodded, giving her permission to stay. The sombre half-smile told you she suspected who was on the other end.

“I haven’t pushed you away. When you…” Neil’s voice came through the speaker again.

A hint of desperation. As though he wanted you to understand something obvious. But there was nothing there. You could not forget how he took everything but never gave anything back. It was rather simple.

“There’s a major difference between love and want” stating the truth, you could feel Wheeler’s attentive gaze on you “Doubt you’d push away someone as desperate as I was. Especially when you could have something pleasant out of it. But that doesn’t mean you love me” the strength needed to say those words was all you could manage “I need to go now”

You desperately wanted to bury yourself under the blanket and sleep. Maybe never wake up. That could be nice.

“…I’ll see you tomorrow then” the reluctance tore into the remains of your heart.

Tomorrow. Too soon. You knew there was no way of preparing for it. You would have to endure the unbearable and bear it. The world was more important than your comfort or pride.

“Yes, unfortunately,” the honesty could not hurt anyone.

Least of all Neil. You ended the call before he could say anything else and dropped the phone on the bed. Fuck. Burying your head in the pillow, you tried to level the breathing.

“Are you alright?” Wheeler’s question drifted across the narrow space.

“I will be,” you shrugged, turning to lie on your back and stare at the ceiling.

Emptiness. And even more anxiety. Amazing combo. And all because of that dyed blonde lanky bastard with eyes too blue and jaw too sharp. Trust you to fall for the unattainable.

“It was him, wasn’t it?”

“Yep,” you glanced sideways at your companion with a grimace, “He called to give me a summary of the events, so to speak” that part still did not make sense, but who were you to argue.

Wheeler let out a low hum, making you face her. You did not like the suspicious expression on her face. But you were too tired to ask. Ignorance is our ammunition and all that. You resumed the summary with a heart even heavier:

“And then he asked how I am, and I just…” you trailed off, giving in to the feelings, “Christ, I’ve no clue how I’m supposed to meet him tomorrow”

Pathetic, again. You half expected Wheeler to slap you for being an annoying, lovesick teenager pining after her crush. Which you were, in all fairness. But instead, you felt a hand pat your arm reassuringly.

“You’ll manage” glancing up, you met the warm smile of your companion, “You’re strong” before you could argue, she added, “And from what I’ve heard, you two really should talk, so maybe the opportunity will come up” it was her turn to shrug, wandering off to prepare the second cot.

“I suppose” that sounded like a nightmare “Got news for you and Ives, by the way”

You were hoping she will make you go to the squad leader right this moment. That would be a perfect distraction.

“Those can wait till tomorrow, get some sleep”

Well, fuck.

*** The nerves and increasing panic only caught up with you in the containers on the way to the icebreaker. The morning was spent in that blissful motion you needed so badly. You passed on the information to squad leaders, packed up, and got ready for the journey, which commenced after you got a call from the ship’s captain. The time spent on board was too short for your liking. Gripping the duffel back with your belongings, you focused on breathing slowly while the chinook approached the icebreaker, preparing to drop the containers and fly off. Somehow, the rattling and the cramped space of the metal box were almost comforting. No one could hurt you there. There was no one to escape and to hide from. But, of course, that too was over too soon. As the container touched the ground with a thud, making you all jump up, you only had a moment to clench your jaw. Ives stood up and opened the door as you all formed a proper formation for disembarking. The cold, piercing light of the sun hit you in the face as the wind tangled the cord connecting your oxygen tank to the mask. One look around assured you of two things – you would have to get accustomed to the sight of sea and sky for miles and that there was no hiding from Neil.

He was there, stood right next to TP, awaiting your arrival. It took you a moment to get accustomed to his military get-up. The black windbreaker zipped up, cargo pants with armour pads on the knees, and heavy boots. Hair windswept, falling into his eyes, making you want nothing but to brush it away. Brilliant. And naturally, he noticed you as well, eyes looking over your frame and face, searching for something. You did wonder whether he found it. To distract yourself, your gaze slipped over to look at TP. Still suspicious and serious. But at least he was not staring at you, trying to see into your soul. And that was enough.

“Welcome aboard” his grim countenance lit up for a second.

After a motion from Ives, you stepped up along with him and Wheeler, joining the two men. You had a proper look around. The rows of containers, rigs, and equipment being stacked in crates, ready for the upcoming battle. Eyeing the accommodation part of the cargo ship, you listened on to the conversation:

“Where exactly are we heading?” Ives’s voice cut straight to the point.

Good question. You glanced back at TP, only to find an enigmatic smile grace his features.

“All in the right time,” he responded, and you could see Neil grimace.

Somehow seeing him that frustrated did not cause any satisfaction. Quite the contrary even. To your inner horror, his eyes met yours right then. Curiously considering, before he reached out a hand:

“It’s good to see you” that was undoubtedly directed at you.

The empty pleasantry hurt like a bitch. But, with four pairs of eyes set on you, there was no choice but to accept the outstretched hand. Swallowing down the panic, you let his hand envelope yours in the casual handshake. Even that amount of contact was enough to make you spiral. Especially with how his thumb brushed over your knuckles. The eyes never leaving yours, urging you to understand something. What you had no clue. The moment was over before you realised, and Neil directed the next sentiment at your companions.

“All of you” they exchanged the handshakes while you stared on.

Once that was done, TP directed your attention towards the accommodation again:

“We’ll show you what’s where” he started walking, giving the directions on the go, “Let everyone else disembark in the meantime”

At least he was more like himself.

You followed them, taking in all the shown spaces. The lower part was occupied by the turnstile and potential training spaces. As you passed, you could hear Ives making arrangements for the troops to start sparing and shooting practice as soon as possible. Next, there were bunk beds and sleeping spaces for everyone. Rows upon rows of small bunks, only privacy was a curtain separating the mattress from the outside world. But it had to do, of course. As you moved up past the machinery, the kitchen, and the common spaces, you have been led to an airlocked corridor near the bridge.

“That’s where we sleep” TP waved a hand in the general direction of the many doors in the corridor.

There was a total of four cabins and a bathroom. Your gaze settled on Neil again. Entirely on its own accord. He shifted hesitantly before directing a question at the squad leader:

“Ives, do you guys want to stay with the troops?”

You could see the emotions bubbling under the nonchalant expression. It was not the usual charming, suave Neil you have met. Now there was uncertainty, doubt, and insecurity. As though he suddenly lost all the confidence and was trying to piece himself together. You did wonder what made him hurt that much.

“Yeah, that’s better for the morals,” Ives replied, ending your strange thoughts.

“As you wish,” Neil grinned in response, before glancing at TP, “I’ll go check on Kat”

Before anyone could respond, he disappeared down the corridor. Interesting. Could it be that he too was bothered by what was going on? Difficult to imagine but plausible.

“Those are yours, Y/N” the mention of your name made you look up.

TP was staring at you inquisitively, a hand on a doorknob, awaiting a reaction. That was unexpected. As much as the fact that he used your name. And did not look that pissed off anymore. You did wonder what was said during their journey back to Oslo. How much did he know?

“I thought I’ll be with the rest of the squad” you stared back quizzically.

“Neil made sure you got your own space” TP shrugged as though it was the most obvious thing in the world.

What the hell. Was that why he so casually run off?

“How very kind of him,” you muttered, feeling the gazes of everyone else burning on your skin.

Damn people and their curiosity.

“He’s down the corridor, if-” oh fuck no.

“Thanks,” you cut off the boss with the voice as cold as ice.

He understood, nodding curtly. Thank god. It was enough to know that Neil was close. You did not need the specifics. Or the insinuations behind the information. It did not matter; you would not be visiting him any time soon. Or ever.

*** You have managed to avoid meeting Neil throughout the day. It was busy, filled with getting settled aboard the icebreaker and planning what the next days are going to hold. You were not told what your destination was, but you had a clue Ives knew. That was… disappointing. You have happily missed the mealtime, choosing to hide in the 2 x 3 metres of space that was your cabin. The small bed, one round window, tiny bedside cabinet, and a chair were all you could depend on for the next eight days. Not bad. You were intent on staying there for as long as possible, avoiding the outside unless absolutely necessary. It was a good plan until, at around 1 am, your stomach started rumbling. Supposedly a whole day on just breakfast was bound to end like this. But you were still outraged. Because that meant going out. And here there be monsters. Sighing heavily, you put on the shoes and a jacket and warily stepped into the corridor. Silence. Cold metal walls and floors, deep dark shadows. With the official meeting taking place the next morning, you were hoping everyone was asleep. Or doing whatever people did at night.

Sealing the airlock in the small kitchen, you took off the oxygen mask and placed it on the small table. The galley was equipped with the necessary stuff, including a large, packed fridge, a kettle, sink, and some cabinets filled with non-perishable foods. The eerie silence was almost deafening, so you turned the kettle on, creating background noise. Going through the arsenal, you chose to prepare a sandwich and a tea and then promptly run away to your room. Just in case. As you set to work, confidence grew. Maybe you got lucky. You were in the middle of cutting the bread roll in half when the unmistakable sound of the zipper rung out. Fuck.

“… Hey,” of course.

Your hand slipped, knife slicing open the skin on your pointer finger. Blood dripping onto the counter.

“Shit!” you cursed and dropped the knife, bringing the injured finger to your mouth.

As the coppery taste dissolved on your tongue, you risked turning around to face the intruder. That was mistake number one. Neil was staring at you with concern etched onto his face. Lips pursed; brows furrowed. Hair ruffled as though he has been outside for an extended period of time. The moment your eyes met his, you felt trapped. There was nowhere to go. Just you and him, in 7 square metres. Bloody perfect. His gaze flitted between you and your wounded hand, hesitating and calculating. It was obvious, even to him.

“Are you alright?” the strange unfamiliarity took you by surprise.

You could see the conflict plain as day. Glancing at the cut, you were relieved to see that it was rather shallow, albeit still bleeding significantly. Turning on the tap to rinse it, you replied:

“Yep,” that simple.

And yet not at all. Neil edged closer, stopping right next to you but preserving a meter of space. Turning off the water, you looked up at him curiously. Too close. The blue threatened to drown you if you were not careful. He reached out a hand with fingers trembling slightly. You were frozen in the spot, seeing but unable to react, as he took another step forward.

“Show me-” the moment his skin made contact with yours, the paralysis disappeared.

God no. You jumped back, hitting the edge of the counter with your back. A dull throbbing was nothing compared to the hammering heart and the searing pain in your chest. His eyes widened in shock. Your reaction was evidently unexpected.

“No, that won’t be necessary” finding the voice again, you mustered a tight-lipped smile.

If this were to work, you had to avoid any physical contact. Somehow you knew that if he touched you, the resolve would begin to crumble. That could not happen. You took a deep breath and focused back on the task. The tension was of the knife-cutting kind. Swallowing you both in despair. In the corner of your eye, you could see Neil hesitate, watching you closely. Then he must have made up his mind, for he opened the fridge and started searching for something. After another minute of near-fatal awkwardness, you spoke up:

“Have you been outside?” a simple question dropped in an almost neutral tone.

Fitting perfectly between strokes of the butter knife on the roll. Small talk, easy enough, right?

“Yeah, I’ve watched the stars” Neil took out bread and settled by you at the counter “The sky’s pretty clear tonight” he glanced at you for a second, an enigmatic look on his face.

The walls were up. Back to pretending.

“Mhmm,” you nodded, praying to every god in the universe for help.

Thankfully, one must have listened… Well, sort of.  

“You’ve missed the meal earlier,” he noticed while turning on the toaster.

Of course, he would. Forcing your hands to stay steady as you sliced up the tomato, you thought of a good enough answer. Because the truth would not do.

“Just didn’t feel like it” you shrugged, avoiding his eyes.

But he was staring. Leaning by the counter, watching you closely. You felt that this was it when it came to a casual conversation between you.

“But now you do?” this next question sounded differently.

There was a suspicious edge to his voice that you knew would be reflected in his eyes. Your acting was not good enough for this. Swallowing down the rising discomfort, you faced him and steeled your features.

“Yes,” that should suffice.

But then, seeing him attempt psychoanalysis through the means of staring, you chose honesty.

“I was hoping I won’t meet anyone around here this late,” you added and met his gaze.

A challenge. Tell me how I’m wrong, kind of thing. The truth he so clearly wanted. And Neil took it without hesitation.

“Anyone? Or just me?” eyes narrowed; lips curled into a smirk you did not like.

What the fuck? You felt a rush of anger. He maybe was right. But that did not mean he was allowed to question you. To make claims as clear as this.

“What’s your point?” you arched an eyebrow, forcing the most neutral of tones.

A shadow passed through his face, a hint of uncertainty. But as soon as you noticed it, it was gone. He shook his head with an almost imperceptible smile.

“No matter” waving his hand dismissively, he reached for the kettle.

Too close again. His arm brushed against yours as he filled in both of your mugs with the boiling water. You glared at that but chose to bite back the comment. At least he was being useful…

“You were rather quiet earlier...” Neil’s voice brought you back to the present moment.

Your head snapped up, meeting his intense stare. What? From the curiosity in his eyes, you deduced that he was waiting for an answer to that. You were sure to deliver.

“If you wanted me to publicly declare my hatred for you, then I’m sorry to disappoint,” shrugging, you took satisfaction in the way his eyes widened “Are you using that?” pointing at the container with sugar, you observed him a little longer.

Neil seemed less confident now. His tense posture and clenched jaw showed as much. Or the fact that suddenly he was not as eager to stare at you. Maybe that was a win. The only response you got was a head nod for ‘no’. But before you could celebrate the unlikely victory, he spoke again:

“Last time we talked, you said something a little different” there was that suspicious edge again.

You did not dare meet his eyes. The casual way in which he referred to the event made your blood boil. Because that was all the evidence you needed to confirm the worst-case assumptions: he did not care. To Neil, all this was a passing thing, something you can let go of when it becomes inconvenient. Trust you to give your heart to someone like that. The thought gave you an idea. What was said could not be unsaid, but…

“Yeah, but I thought about it, and... I take it back” once the words left your mouth, you felt a stronger surge of fury.

It only got worse when you caught a glimpse of hurt in the depths of his eyes. It was hidden well but still there.

“What?” Neil swallowed hard.

You could see that he did not expect that from you. Good. Perhaps it was a lie, but who was to say you had to be honest. After all, he was not, as it turned out. The look of confusion on his face made you turn up the emotions, throwing in irritability to the mix.

“I know you can be dense, but I’m sure you understood it well enough. I take back what I said in Tallinn” no effort was needed to be mean.

Just as easy as it was to lie. Perhaps too easy even. Out of curiosity, you watched him absorb what you said. At first, Neil’s lips parted a little as though he was holding in a gasp. Then he tensed, and eyebrows furrowed. That was denial. It was replaced with a painfully fake smile. One that did not reach his eyes. In summary, Neil did not seem relieved by what you said. Nor did he seem happy about it. Tough luck.

“Feelings change, huh?” nonchalantly he eyed you as though trying to find anything amiss.

The intensity of his gaze felt as though the fire was burning your skin. Suddenly the casual outfit seemed inadequate. Almost nonexistent in how he could see right through it. It took you a moment to shook it off. To remember that this was a duel, and you could still win. But only if you did not allow him to get too close.

“No. People do” you shrugged and went back to finishing the tea.

Just like that. A silence. And then the sound of a throat being cleared awkwardly:

“What are you trying to say?” unsure and shocked.

The metaphorical penny dropped. You could spare him the torture.

“You know,” putting away the teaspoon with a clink you eyed the toaster, “You might want to take that toast out unless you fancy eating carbon”

“Thanks,” Neil offered you a tight-lipped smile before he attended the burned toast.

You felt like that was the perfect metaphor for the state of your relationship. Or whatever the fuck was it. You were not sure what made you stay then. The walk back to your room did not seem convenient anymore. And the table was right there… It was rather risky, but then it was hard to deny yourself the pleasure. However questionable it may be. He was still your Neil, and his presence felt like the home you have desperately missed. Fortune favours the brave, or whatever. Ignoring his surprised look, you set down the plate and the mug and sat down at the narrow table. You did not have to wait long for a question:

“Do you mind if I stay?” the uncertainty in his voice made you look up.

Sure enough, the blue eyes were fixed on you with reluctance. As though he did not expect you to allow him that much. But then… why not? Perhaps it was the masochistic tendencies speaking.

“Suit yourself” you offered him the tiniest of smiles and focused on finally eating the carefully prepared sandwiches.

The ones you paid in blood and nerves for. At least they were good. After another moment, Neil joined, taking his seat opposite you. You could not help but snicker at the blackened toasts gracing his plate.

For a few minutes, you ate in silence, stealing glances at each other as though they were a crime. For you, they almost felt like it. His blonde hair (fake, as you had to remind yourself) reflected the fluorescents, giving him that angelic look that used to draw you in. It still did as much, only now it was paired with desperation everybody feels when faced with the unattainable. The forbidden fruit. Unable to stop yourself, you glanced at his lips then. The pull was still there, threatening to come crashing down and leave you gasping for air. But you could not give in.

“You saw us” as though Neil could read your mind, he spoke up, “Back at the airport, with Kat,” adding, he met your gaze.

You could tell that this was another attempt at small talk of sorts. You wondered how long this would take until another argument could begin to brew.

“Yeah,” nodding, you took a sip of the tea.

That was all he needed. The moment still sometimes haunted you. The look in his eyes when Neil saw you in Oslo. Now it all made more sense. The shock and apprehension. You were probably the last person he wanted to see back then. 

“Why you’ve never said anything?” the question took you by surprise.

Neil, of all people, should know better. You took a moment to gather the thoughts, staring back into those eyes that seemed to see right through you.

“I just followed your favourite logic” upon his confused expression, you explained, “What’s happened-”

“-Happened” he grinned; too proud “You know me well”

His hand that was resting by the mug twitched as though he wanted to reach out. You could not tear your eyes away from it, battling the most primal of instincts that just wanted to touch him. Ignoring the urge, you finished the tea and muttered the answer:

“I thought I do”

It was another of those things that were too easy to tell him. Even though you were being vulnerable through admitting it. Most rules were broken already.

“But?”

You stood up, avoiding the desire to look him in the eye. Anything to make this easier. Enough. You got what you wanted, but now it was time to leave. To cut this torture short for you both.

“If Tallinn taught me anything is that I don’t know you at all. Not the real you, anyway” you rinsed the dishes and moved to the door “Now, excuse me-”

Neil moved fast. Before you could realise he stood up, his hand was wrapped around your arm, making escape impossible. Bewildered by the feelings rushing in all at once, you met his eyes. Even through the two layers of clothing, his touch was burning you. A reminder of all that you have lost. The immeasurable depth of expression in Neil’s face was not helping. You could discern determination, worry, and panic, among others. As though only now he has realised the extent of the damage.

“I never lied to you. Not even once” his grip tightened as he took a step forward.

Your back hit the wall, trapping you between him and the cold metal.

“Should I congratulate you?” stifling the raising panic, you stared up at him with defiance.

It worked.

“…Jesus,” Neil swallowed hard, unable to hide the exasperation, “Why are you like this?”

With the newly found position, you could easily judge his state of mind. He was annoyed, angry even. And that was triggering. Even though the proximity was slowly hazing your mind, proposing scenarios that could never happen. Fuck. You took a deep breath to calm down. To ignore how it felt to have someone look at you like this. Not platonically.

“If you need to ask, I think there’s no point in dragging this conversation any longer” finding your voice again you made sure to turn up the notch “I’d rather go to sleep than get rejected again” the coldness came out of nowhere.

But it was helpful. He did not expect that. The hand on your arm relaxed a little.

“I never rejected you” crease between his eyebrows deepened.

Right. Unable to stop the rising bitterness, you scoffed in his face. This was the opportunity to win the battle and get away before you could fuck it up even worse.

“You’re right,” you relished in the utter confusion visible “You did something worse. But I’m really not in the mood to argue, so… please let me go” gingerly, you placed your hand on his chest with the intent to push him away.

That was another mistake. Neil covered your palm with his, making you shudder. That was enough to make everything worse. Because there was no way of stopping the thoughts. Of ignoring the want, you tried to suppress for the past week. With him this close, touching you as though he meant it, you soon realised how bad it was. There was no way of getting rid of the feelings.

“I’m worried about you. You don’t look well” he broke the tense silence, forcing you to look up.

As if. His face was too striking. With blood pounding in your ears, you made another attempt at freeing yourself by trying to push him away.

“I don’t need your sympathy” taking a step forwards you hoped he would back off.

He did not. The concern visible in his blue eyes was overwhelming any last bit of sanity. All that was left did not make any sense. For a second, you wanted nothing but to have an innocent passerby interrupt you. The embarrassment could be worth it.

“I’m pretty sure you haven’t slept in days. And I-”

Neil was too close. The hand that was wrapped around your arm slid down to your waist while the other wandered up, fingers ghosting your neck. You closed your eyes for a split second, calming down the racing thoughts. This could not happen.

“Neil, stop,” shaking off the paralysis, you cupped his cheek “You can’t help me. So, let’s just leave it,” pouring in all the despair into your gaze, you met his eyes.

What you saw reflected was startling. You have never seen him that confused.

“I…” he faltered, losing the momentum that was there a second ago.

You were winning. But there was no satisfaction. Just the overwhelming despair, tempting you to make use of the predicament. Just this once. It was too easy to let your fingers caress his jaw, feeling the two-day stubble he did not bother shaving off. The disorientation in his eyes deepened as he stared at you with amazement. Speechless, frozen in the moment that seemed endless. As you brushed the pad of your thumb over his lips, Neil inhaled sharply, waking up from the reverie. His grip on your waist tightened, drawing you even closer. The expression in his eyes shifted. Pupils darkened as want took over the reason. You could feel yourself slipping down the slippery slope. Risking too much for god knows what. Or why. The air he breathed out ghosted your lips, an offer of what you could have. The exact same thing you have missed more than anything else. As if guided by the gravity itself, you leaned in, your noses brushing. Mere two inches of space. It would be so easy…

“If you don’t love me, then what is this?” Neil asked, breaking the silence and putting on another enigmatic smile.

The audacity of the question felt like a punch in the gut. That was the harsh wake-up call. Your salvation.

“Whatever it was for you in Tallinn,” you bit back, letting the anger seep into your answer “Let me go” the ice-cold tone was a perfect touch.

Neil took one last long look over your face before he stepped back, releasing you. The visible disappointment made you even angrier. Because how did he dare? What even was this? You had no clue. Only that you were right about touches being forbidden from now on.

“As you wish,” the pleasantry was thrown in your face with a mocking intonation.

You wanted nothing but to slap him. Punch him, make him bleed and hurt like you were. But that would be unbecoming for someone like you. And so, you straightened your back, grabbed the mask, and fixed it over your mouth and nose without as much as a glance in his direction. Enough now.

“See you at the meeting tomorrow” throwing the goodbye over your shoulder you unzipped the airlock.

“Good night” was the last thing you heard upon the exit from the galley.

Jesus Christ. Finally, there was air to breathe.

*** That night you did not get much sleep either, tossing and turning on the narrow bed, unable to make your brain shut up. It was hard not to come up with all the possible what-ifs. Not to wonder what could have happened should Neil stayed silent, and you were to continue. To let yourself get lost in him like you used to. And all of those questions were only amplified by the fact that you chose to sleep in the stolen sweater. Why? You had no clue. Like many things, even your brain stopped making sense a long time ago. And so, when your phone alarm finally rang, you could only accept the fate and grudgingly get up. The dark circles were hard to hide. Or the way your shoulders sagged at the mere idea of facing everyone else. But there was no other way. You got dressed in the most practical outfit and left the cabin with the heart hammering in your chest. All the courage accepted. The mere idea of facing Neil made your stomach turn. That vouched for an amazing start indeed.

The official meeting was supposed to take place at 9:00 on the indoor bridge, and as far you knew the purpose was to officially brief you and the squad. You followed the half-remembered directions, by miracle arriving at the airlock leading to a lounge-like space with sofas, a table with ten chairs, and panoramic windows proving splendid view of the inverted waves and occasional seagulls. It seemed like you were the first one to arrive. Taking a longer look to stare at the horizon, you jumped up at the sound of a throat being cleared. Not alone then…

“Good morning” tall blonde woman stood up from her position on the sofa.

Kat. The drama of the previous night almost made you forget about her. But there is only so long you can run away from reality. The anxiety spike made you take a deep breath before you could respond.

“Hi,” frowning at the awkwardness of the tone, you flashed her an apologetic smile “Sorry to interrupt if you’ve-”

“No, no, it’s okay,” she waved a hand dismissively and settled back on the cushions “I’ve just been watching the birds really. Still can’t get used to them” the thoughtful look in her eyes made you smile.

She could not be older than Neil. Tall and slender, dressed in practical military clothes as everyone else, she seemed so different from the woman you saw in Tallinn, bleeding and on the verge of death. Now there was steely confidence to her, intangible yet present. Tentatively, you joined her on the sofa, never taking your eyes off the horizon.

“It takes a while. The first time I got inverted, I panicked the moment I saw a pigeon flying backwards” you did not know where the honesty came from.

Or why you shared the story. But the bewildered smile that split Kat’s face was a good enough reward.

“That sounds horrendous” she choked back a laugh, meeting your gaze with sparkling blue eyes.

“It was cooing too” you added with the conspiratorial whisper, awaiting a response, barely concealing a giggle that was rising in your throat.

“Good God” she grinned in your direction.

Maybe there was some goodness in the universe…

“Yeah, basically” returning the smile, you reached out a hand “Sorry we’ve never got introduced, I’m Y/N”

“Kat” she shook your palm, smiling sympathetically “It’s nice to meet you. Are you part of the squad?”

“Well, sort of… I don’t really know what’s my role is in all this” shrugging helplessly, you allowed more honesty to permeate the sentence “But I’m too involved to ask questions”

“I know the feeling well” you knew the quiet resignation in her gaze from the reflection in the mirror.

As you opened your mouth to ask a question, a zip on the airlock made you freeze. Peace was not an available commodity these days.

“Good morning ladies” Neil’s voice rung out in the room as he stepped into the view.

The fake cheeriness looked out of place on his sombre face. After a quick scan, you could tell that he too has not slept well. And that he was trying his hardest to appear alright when he was everything but. A tell-tale sign was the untied shoelace and uncombed hair sticking out in every direction. Details easily missed by everyone but you. There was nothing you could do with that information. It felt like another tiny but painful stab straight into your battered heart. You did wonder how many more could you handle.

“Did you get a good rest?” Kat’s innocent question brought you back to the moment.

“Not quite” Neil grimaced slightly as his eyes slipped over onto you for a fraction of a second.

That was enough to make Kat notice. You were sure of it. Your cheeks reddened on their own accord, and you returned Neil’s tight-lipped smile. A finishing touch to the act.

The awkward silence that followed was deafening. Neil sat by the table, tapping his foot unconsciously. Kat seemed perplexed, glancing at you both, trying to understand. You would not even know how to explain it if she asked. Suddenly, a text alert pierced the silence, making you jump up. The device buzzed in the pocket of your pullover. With a shaking hand, you retrieved the phone and glanced at the display. TP.

“Fuck” you let out a curse as your eyes flitted over the text.

Passwords. To what? Hell knows.

“What is it?” Neil stood up and was at your side in a second.

You looked up, straight into his eyes. Whatever happened did not matter now. You both understood that.

“I don’t know…” biting down on your lip, you scanned the room, settling on a computer lying on the table, “Give me that laptop. Please” you gestured towards the device, urging him to catch up.

He did. Using those long legs that you always admired, he crossed the room in no time and handed you the laptop. Your hands were trembling as you typed in the passcodes and entered the folder where files from TP always appeared. It certainly did not help that Neil has perched on the armrest of the sofa and was looking over your shoulder. Or that his hand landed on the nape of your neck as he adjusted in the strange position. You swallowed hard, focused on finding the newest folder. Surely enough it was there. Password protected. You typed in the combination of letters and numbers from the text message and held your breath as the system loaded. A second later, you were staring at several files that appeared on the screen. Double-clicking on the first pdf, you opened up a map of a location.

“Is that…” Neil’s whisper came from right over your ear.

Breath ghosting over your neck, making you shiver. But there were more important matters to attend to. Shaking off the feeling, your eyes scanned the map.

“Stalsk-12” you read out loud, “I think this is our destination. TP sent those so we know what to expect” looking at Neil again, you were struck by the proximity.

He nodded, holding your gaze intently. You could see that he was processing what you said and all the implications. What the unexpected files could mean for you. And what were the critical steps to be taken.

“What do you mean he sent those? He’s-” Kat’s confused question made you both snap out of it.

It was terrifyingly easy to forget people other than Neil existed. Another issue to add to your list.

“I’m sorry, I really can’t explain it” you gave Kat the most regretful of smiles and opened a different file.

This one was a list of tips in a way. A short letter with instructions, addressed to you alone. Aware of the tension pervading the room, you scanned it, catching onto the things he mentioned. A tunnel leading to the dead-drop. Hypocenter in the middle of the Soviet secret city. Inverted and normal mercenaries. It sounded like something taken out of an action film. But, supposedly, that was your reality now.

“Anything good?” Neil chimed in, unable to control the anticipation.

You glanced at him again, catching the way he was staring at you rather than at the screen. The way the early morning sun reflected off his profile was tragic. The hair shone like rays of sunlight. The long eyelashes framed his eyes, making the blue stand out even more. Fucking masterpiece. He met your gaze warily, and his brows furrowed even more. That was the cue to answer his question. And to stop staring.

“He’s saying that the most crucial bit will be the lock leading to the dead-drop,” you explained, highlighting the line in the doc “And is sending you his regards,” adding, you gave Neil a small smile.

They were there alright. A final line, telling you to make sure he stays sane and alive. Worrying remark, but you were afraid the boss miscalculated your influence upon the blonde bastard. Maybe he was wrong about some things? Just as the man in question opened his mouth again, someone else entered the bridge, accompanied by the sound of heavy boots and puffs of air from the oxygen masks.

“Who’s saying what?” TP’s question made you frown as the man himself stepped into the room.

Of course, he’d hear that. Now came the dilemma you never knew you would have to face – how to tell your boss you have received information from his future, dead self? And how to make him believe you?

“We’ve got intel. About where we’re heading,” you were saved from answering the question by Neil, who stood up and faced the boss “It’s Siberia, isn’t it?”

Judging by the palpable shock and irritation on TP’s face, it was, in fact, Siberia.

“Who told you that?” the offensive edge to his voice felt like a flashback to Tallinn and the turnstile.

You would rather avoid a repetition of that. Standing up, you took a deep breath. Before anyone else could break-in, you spoke up:

“A very reliable source” when TP’s gaze settled on you, you shrugged.

Quiet confidence, right? A passing shadow of suspicion was not the most encouraging of signs.

“Reliable to who?” his gaze flitted between you and Neil.

Only now you realised how close you were standing to him. Your elbows brushed as you tried to think of an answer. Anything to win the case.

“All of us” Neil’s simple response made you look up at him.

His gaze was fixed on TP with adamant resolve. You felt like this was not the same man who had let his friend pin him to the wall and interrogate him in the most brutal of fashions. The boss sighed and looked at you again.

“How did you get it?”

Right…

“… password protected files” the half-truth felt like the worst of lies.

“From whom?” he pressed, all of the intensity of the dark stare on you.

You could only offer him another shrug and a remorseful look on your face. The scowl you got in response was concerning. But you could not give in.

“I know it sounds crazy, but it’s the best piece of information we could get. We’ve got terrain plans and intel about the dead-drop. Maybe with this, we can make it work” taking a step forwards, you hoped he can see the desperation in your eyes, “All you have to do is trust me” the addition felt necessary, even if hard to be spoken out loud.

The frown on TP’s face deepened as he sighed heavily.

“Bloody hell…” he glanced at the blonde man again, “Neil, what are you thinking?”

Only now you could feel how fast your heart has been beating. Or that sometime within the last few minutes, you have started to tremble.

“I trust her. With my life” Neil delivered the admission with the most neutral of tones.

Fuck. The heartbeat stumbled and then kicked back into action at twice the speed. Unable to stop yourself, you turned around to face him. Sure enough, he met your gaze with certainty. As though that was obvious. Well, maybe to him…

“And the fate of the world too,” he added after a beat, clearly highlighting what mattered more.

Another thing that did not make sense. You made sure he could see the confusion in your eyes as you gave him a formal nod. It was a public setting after all, and you need not make a scene in front of Kat and TP.  But at least you had support in your fight, and that was perhaps most important right now.

“This intel is all we’ve got. We might as well make use of it,” Neil summarized, taking that step closer to you again.

You both faced the boss, taking concerning amounts of confidence from simply being able to do it together. You could see the internal battle on TP’s face. Worry, uncertainty, suspicion, conflict, trust…? Finally, he closed his eyes and exhaled slowly. When he looked at you again, you could tell that it was done. Only…

“If it backfires…” the unspoken hint of consequences if something went terribly wrong.

You just had to make sure it would not. Easy enough…right?

“If it does, then we’ll worry. For now, let’s get to work” Neil waved his hand dismissively, a rare genuine smile brightening up his face “The stage is yours,” tentatively, he placed his hand on your back, giving you a light push.

Permission to take over. Support and the inability to keep his hands off you. Enough to make you consider jumping off the afterdeck into the freezing depths of the Barents Sea. Because even that was better than approximately a week more of this. But the seals would have to wait. The blue eyes were fixed on you with a glimmer that seemed too affectionate for the state of the affairs. Let’s wipe it off with the best weapon available – the crushing weight of reality. You took a deep breath and began the explanation.

[carry-on-my-wayward-butt]

He did? Umm.. what happened exactly?

(referring to this post)

my 11th grade chemistry teacher had an associates degree in liberal arts.

you know how in virtually every class you’ve ever had since middle school, your teachers made a big stink about the syllabus? she didn’t have one. this was her first teaching job, which she got because of her length experience as a substitute, not by her licensing qualifications. we were, at first, excited to have her, because she was a “fun sub” and we were 17 years old and stupid as all shit. we were the “normal chem” class in a system where the only other options were “honors chem” which was filled with children who actually know how to study (or cheat) and have an air of proper student activity, and “AP Chem”, which is clear enough if you’ve been an american student in the last 15 years.

she followed the mcgraw hill chemistry book in order of chapters, despite the fact that our state standardized tests did several of the chapters out of order. ever notice how you’ll suddenly be looking at chapter 11 when just last week you were on chapter 5, then the next week you’re on chapter 8? standardized testing is the reason. anyways by asking my friends in other classes who had chemistry teachers of relative competence, i was able to discern which chapters i should focus on, and while she was distracted with literally watching youtube videos all period, I was turning around in my seat and walking across the classroom helping my friends and enemies with the packets. (she was a two-packets-a-week kinda teacher.)

yes i said enemies too. the people i hated, i hated because they were sons of bitches i wouldnt piss on to put out a fire. i hated them so dearly i used to pray to god that they would bump into me so i could throw myself into the concrete and split my forehead open and get them expelled due to the blood-clause of our “zero-tolerance policy”. two of the kids in my class had, only the previous year, attempted to set my hair on fire.

i hated the teacher more. 

it gave me extreme pleasure to see her fume and clench her fists when a student would say “i need help” across the classroom and she would move to get up and they would say “oh not you miss, im waiting for vicky.” jesus christ the only time ive ever felt a comparable high was when i was at a halloween party in college where i was literally so zooted i couldn’t move.

it got worse over time, her getting more and more angry, my ego growing larger and larger. i was a huge bitch in high school, i really thought i was the smartest bitch in the room at any given moment. severe main character syndrome. imagine that kind of person actually being right for 45 minutes out of every day. can you even comprehend the kind of frustration that would create? in a room full of little sociopaths who dont give a shit about anything but getting this joke of a class over with so they can graduate? your first real teaching job and they look right past you, the teacher, to this annoying little shit whose grades are completely abysmal? how are they managing to learn anything from a child who can barely speak in front of more than 10 people? who turns cherry red in the face of literally every authority figure in the building except you? who can’t concentrate and stay still in one spot for more than five minutes? all of your other classes behave! they listen! they sit down and shut up and do the packets! so what fucking gives!!!

so you say “fine, since you all HATE ME so much i just won’t teach then!!!” on literally week fucking ten of teaching. and instead of prostrating themselves before you, begging you to like... point at transparencies and read directly from powerpoints i guess.

and they all collectively say “okay” and let the chipmunk child flutter between desks and help them memorize formulas and mnemonic devices and shit. surely her grades will suffer if she’s constantly dealing with other people and you’ll have justification that her horseshit is “distracting” and “a detriment to her studies”. she got bored gave up on that after two days after nothing changed.

then we did the midterm.

except at the end of the exam packet was something we never learned because again, she was going through the book chronologically. because i actually enjoyed the chem book (so much that i stole it when the year was up lmao), i knew the material.

it was about lewis dots/structures. i couldn’t tell you a damn thing about it today but in december 2010 i absolutely knew that shit. i didnt have too much of a problem with it in the exam, but the students who had gotten to that point were complaining and at first she pulled that “you should have been studying independently uwu” shit but the class was about to get loud during exam period so she shushed us and said that when we get to that point, just stop, and she’ll mark it correct during grading, no harm no foul just keep it quiet. one of the more confrontational students called horseshit and said theres no way we’re trusting that and there’s definitely no way anyone will keep an entire classroom cheating at the instruction of the teacher quiet.

i offered to teach it.

she scoffed, rolled eyes, said “sure fine but you can’t get your exam back” and i said “okay.” so when everyone was to the point in the exam, we piled them all on her desk and i used the whiteboard to briefly and quietly explain lewis dots, used the book examples and problems, and helped the other kids understand. there were a couple exam questions that were lifted straight from the book problems so i skipped those. while teaching i realized i had gotten a couple wrong which sucked :( it was an incredibly stupid experience overall, and no teacher worth the paper their certification is printed on would have allowed that to happen. and fucking yet.

anyways everyone but me got their exams back and finished it and many of us passed, only a few of them did particularly well.

discussing the chem exam with friends who also took the chem exam, many students found their anecdote about the lewis dots to be confounding, for you see, the exam we took was not, in fact, the midterm, but the god damned final.

she had us taking the fucking final because she didnt read the fucking folders which read “midterm” and “final exam” on them

she was reprimanded severely and we all had to take the exam on different days, in different classrooms, sitting very far apart. after that she hated me even more. like girl it was your fault lmao i am literally a teenager grow up lol. anyways you can imagine how much more fucking insufferable i became, knowing how miserable she was.

it all came to a head in february when some students were giggling quietly following a minor fuck up on her part regarding bellwork. they were making fun of her like “are you sure thats not tomorrows bellwork lol” and a friend next to me did the “hey i need help wait no miss not you sorry” thing and when i answered him, she solidly snapped. blah blah YOURE SOOOO DISTRACTING blah blah YOU THINK YOURE SOOOO SMART DONT YOU blah blah blah and she was like demanding i leave the room and shouting at the top of her lungs at me “ YOU POISON THE MINDS OF EVERY OTHER STUDENT HERE. YOU’RE POISONOUS VICTORIA, YOU’RE A VIRUS IN THIS CLASSROOM.”

i will never forget that line as long as i live. it was like crack to me. i moved to open the door to leave and the vp opened it first. he escorted me to the office and asked me what happened, then told me to keep my head down in class from now on, and that if i wanted to help my friends i should give them my number and help them out on our own time. i was like “bro thats really stupid” and he was like “thats all we can do right now but i promise we’re working on it”

i lasted the rest of the year giving smug smiles as we did packet after fucking packet for the rest of the year. they were all take-home work. i wasnt comfy giving my number to my enemies. the class camaraderie ended.

the final was altered. my class took a different final than the rest of the normal chem classes.

i started 12th grade and got a solid case of senioritis. i told that story to anyone who would listen. while it was happening, i obviously told my favorite teacher everything as it happened. when i mentioned it senior year he was like “oh yeah i forgot about her,

she was fired over the summer.”

[writing-gifts]

datura (moth!bruno x butterfly!reader)

—–

A/N: anddd we’re back at the beginning, (but not really) well this is the last chapter and im pretty satisfied with it idk if I’m gonna make any after stories for this AU. I definitely have some ideas but I wanna work on non-datura related stuff for now 

anyways thank you to everyone for sticking around. i’ve never written anything this long and this is the first time ive actually finished a multichapter fic too ^^

btw I made some art!

other than that, i hope you enjoy this chapter ❤

First Chapter || Previous Chapter

Reader is gender neutral!

—–

[Early Spring] - End

The sunlight warms you in a comforting embrace as you fly over the still fairly fresh flowers and grass. All the sludge and ice had finally melted and it wouldn't be long until the plants and foliage completely took its place.

Today was a perfect day for gathering and you made sure of your promise with Narancia and took him along with you. Carrying him and your now heavy satchels was tiring but you managed, and surprisingly Narancia wasn't squirming one bit. For all of the trip he kept still in your hold while keeping an arm wrapped around your neck.

"What's that one?" Narancia points to a cluster of white flowers. He had been curious about every new one he saw, but you were glad to answer all his questions.

"Lilacs. White ones can symbolize youthful innocence.”

"Hm, that's weird! Why do the flowers have meanings?"

“I'm not completely sure. Perhaps the flowers remind insects of certain memories that give them specific feelings….Or maybe they have stories attached to certain ones."

Narancia scratches at his head. It looks like you might have overwhelmed him.

"...How do you remember everything ____?

“To be honest, I’m not sure.”

Everything in relation to flowers seems to come natural to you, but you weren't sure you could pin it on you being a butterfly. Other butterflies and nectarivores you met didn't seem as invested as you.

"Wait what's that one?”

You chuckle, "I just told you, lilacs. These are just a different color."

"Oh right. Lilacs..."

While the bee repeats the name to himself, you notice your destination approaching and readjust him in your arms before speeding up.

"We’re here!" you exclaim and make your descent.

The two of you land in a small clearing near your home that you knew very well. You bend down to place Narancia on the ground but he doesn't let go, keeping his arms wrapped around your neck. Sighing, you return to your full height and continue carrying him. He wasn't really heavy but you'd been carrying him most of the day and your arms would appreciate a break.

“What is this place?” the bee asks.

"My friend's house. They really want to meet you and it's been awhile since my last visit."

“So like two gnats?”

The bee had heard you say it earlier today and you had a feeling that it would become more common in his vocabulary from now on.

You nod. "Yes--catching two gnats."

“Are they cool?”

You pause, not exactly sure what was considered cool to a 3 year old but you nod anyways. If cool meant whether he would like your friend or not then you were pretty sure Narancia would think they are.

Once you walk up to the front of Abilene's home you knock on the door, restraining yourself from doing it in the obnoxious way you usually would since Narancia is watching.

A few moments pass before the door opens revealing your friend.

"Good afternoon Abby!"

Their eyes widen and they gasp. "When did you get a kid ____!?”

Narancia giggles but you roll your eyes at your friend's terrible joke--if you could even call it that.

“This is Abilene Narancia but I call them Abby.”

Narancia waves and smiles at your friend. "Hi!"

“Aww! It’s so exciting getting to see you. Do you know how much ____ has talked about you since they’ve gotten back? I feel like they don’t even talk about Bruno that much.”

"Really?"

The bee looks like he couldn't quite believe it and you weren't sure if it was true either. All you knew is that you did tend to ramble about the bee and moth to anyone who would listen.

"Yep! I didn't think it was possible for them to talk about someone more than him.”

"Cause I'm cooler!" Narancia exclaims with a smug expression.

Is this another word he's deciding to favor in his vocabulary? You didn't see any reason to disagree though.

You hug the bee and press your cheek against his. "You are cooler but don't tell your father I said that."

Narancia glances at Abilene and grumbles before pushing your face away. "Cool people don't do that," he huffs

You gawk at the idea of that but then notice your friend is smiling goofily at you.

"What?" you ask.

"You guys are so cute!"

Before you can reply though Abilene continues.

"Anyways you wanna come in? I still have leftover nectar from Fall if you want any."

Narancia nods enthusiastically like he hasn't been drinking nectar and eating pollen the whole day, and asks--demands you put him down.

The moment his feet are on the ground he immediately runs into the house.

"You don't even know where the nectar is!" You yell down the hallway, but the bee is either too far to hear or doesn't care.

Crossing your arms, you shake your head. "How do you have so much energy?"

Abilene snorts. "I know you of all insects aren’t saying that."

Your mouth opens before immediately shutting again. They unfortunately had a point.

"Whatever Abby."

You ignore the grin on your friend's face and follow after Narancia. "We better hurry before Narancia knocks something over."

That has the grasshopper’s smile falling and they quickly follow after you.

After having your fill of nectar, you didn’t intend to stay too long but you’ve always struggled with keeping track of time when visiting Abilene. So when you and Narancia are finally getting ready to leave, you're not too surprised that the sun has moved a great distance from the middle of the sky.

You stand there for a moment. The orange tinted sky has you feeling like you forgot something important.

"….Fuck I forgot my lantern."

You flinch when you realize what you've just said and snap your gaze towards Narancia.

"Forget you heard that word!"

The bee tilts his head. "Why?"

"Cause it's a bad word."

"Why’s it a bad word?"

Oh god.

Abilene laughs at you and your brows furrow.

"Well good luck getting him to stop saying that word. See you later and bye bye to you Narancia!”

The bee goes crossed eyed momentarily when Abilene boops his nose and once he says his goodbye, you pick him up.

You sigh. "Bye Abby..." You were not looking forward to the lecture you would have to give Narancia on the way back.

Either way you high tail it home with a willful bee in your arms and your satchel weighing you down, and by the time you're back you're physically and mentally exhausted.

You let out a cheer once you're on the ground and immediately place Narancia down before putting your hands on your knees.

"Whew….we made it...back in….time."

You can barely get the sentence out through your labored breathing.

"Do you need a seat mio amor?"

You look up and see your mate along with Abbacchio sitting at a small table in front of the house.

Narancia makes a beeline towards the two and you worry for a second that he's going to jump onto Abbacchio, but he runs to his father and climbs onto his lap.

"N-Nah I'm….good,” you reply.

"Are you sure cause you look half-dead," Abbacchio says.

"...Thanks?"

Once you catch your breath, you make your way towards the table and notice the half-finished drink sitting in front of Bruno.

"Don't mind if I do!"

Before he can even respond you've downed the rest of his drink.

Abbacchio grimaces in disgust when he sees Bruno, for some reason, staring at you with an expression that can only be described as smitten.

"The two of you are disgusting."

You pout at the wasp as he takes a sip of his drink. "It's not that big of a deal for couples to share cups…right?"

"That's not what I'm talking about."

You expect him to further explain but he doesn't.

"Why are you so tired anyways?" Bruno asks, seemingly unbothered by Abbacchio's statement.

"We left Abby's house too late and then I might have gotten lost--You know it's hard to see with all these trees right?"

"Yes, that's why I said bring a lantern."

You laugh awkwardly. "Yeaaah I forgot...that's why I was speeding here in the first place."

Abbacchio shakes his head, definitely not impressed with your carelessness.

Narancia places his small hands on his father's face and squishes his cheeks together to get his attention.

"Papa you shoulda went! It was so fun and we went to Abby's house!”

When Bruno tries to reply the words come out muffled. "I'm sure it was, maybe next time--"

“Did you know lilacs meant innocence, youthful innocence?”

"No, did ____ teach you?"

"Yep! How do they remember it all?"

Narancia continues to excitedly ramble on--some of his words blending into one another--about everything he did today to Bruno and Abbacchio. But with the sun quickly heading towards the horizon you don't get to spend much more time outside. You talk a little with Abbacchio, but after that he needs to depart.

You exchange your goodbyes and once the three of you see the light of his lantern fade in the distance between the trees, you all head inside. You immediately drop your satchels by the door, and before Bruno can follow Narancia into the kitchen you stop him.

"Can I stay here tonight?" you ask.

Bruno tilts his head, confused. "You don't need to ask that you know.”

“I guess that’s true, but it's still nice to though.”

"Well, just know you're always welcome in my home ____."

You look off to the side and fail to push down your smile.

“Ugh don't be such a sap," you say, however these words are aimed more at yourself.

The moth places a kiss on your cheek before smiling himself. "I can't help it. It was only a week and I missed you the whole time…"

"I-I missed you too."

You look back at the moth and then pull him into a hug, squeezing him tight. It takes you a while to realize how hard you’re hugging him but when you do, you let go.

“Oops sorry.”

Instead of letting go like you expected, Bruno keeps his arms in place so you bring yours back around him.

“You can squeeze me as hard as you like ____.”

You laugh in response but take him up on his offer. “You’re so weird.”

-----

You walk alongside Bruno, your hand in his. The two of you were heading to Ilya's to show off the moth's outfit, specifically his lace shirt.

Even though Bruno tried to reassure you, you were quite anxious. What you made was nowhere near Ilya’s work and showing off results for something that you were new at always made you tense. But at the same time the spider had only been supportive as he taught you, so at least that had managed to calm some of your nerves.

When the two of you stop in front of the spider's shop, you squeeze Bruno’s hand to get his attention.

“Uh just a head’s up, Ilya can get a little excited sometimes. So if he says anything...weird don’t take it too seriously okay?”

He nods in understanding and you let out a giant exhale before opening the shop’s door.

"Well...after you," you tell the moth.

"Thank you."

Even though the two of you have been together for some time now you still feel that strange fluttering in your stomach sometimes when he smiles at you. And his outfit definitely wasn't helping.

You follow in after him and gently shut the door behind you.

“Ilya, are you here?” you call out.

“____ just give me a moment! I'll be right there!"

You feel your anxiety increasing the longer it takes for him to come out, but finally he walks down the stairs and into the room.

“____! How was your Winter? Anything interesting happen?”

“It was great and yes! Look!” Your outstretched hands direct the spider’s attention to your mate. "Tada!"

"You….found someone?” The spider tilts his head. “Wait is this--"

Your eyes go wide and you shake your head fast. "Not that!"

Ilya’s looks caught off guard by your outburst. You hadn’t meant to be that loud but didn’t need anything you may have said about Bruno in a moment of vulnerability to be brought up.

You clear your throat ignoring Bruno's confused expression. "I mean...it is. This is Bruno my... mate.”

The spider is doing his best to hold back but the excitement shows clearly on his face. His expression kind of reminds you of Abilene's when you had revealed the same news to them.

“Anyways, I was actually talking about his shirt.”

Once the spider’s attention is led there, he inhales sharply and gets closer to Bruno to get a better look. Fortunately the moth doesn't seem to mind.

"You made this?" Ilya asks.

"Yea...what do you think?”

He smiles wide. "You finished it that fast!?” He circles around the moth. “Amazing! It's hard to believe it's your first full piece and I can see you’re improving quickly...I'm very impressed!"

You struggle to grasp for the right words overwhelmed by the praise but at least manage to get out a "thank you".

“You're welcome! I honestly feel proud of you."

The spider places a finger on his cheek and goes quiet for some reason.

"What's wrong?" you ask.

"….Have you ever wanted to run a shop ____? I've always liked the idea of having someone run this one with me. I'd compensate you for your time of course."

You stutter and have to stop yourself so you can speak clearly.

"Uhh...I don't really know."

You weren't completely against the idea, but it seemed too big of a responsibility to accept without thought.

When Bruno sees you struggling he speaks up. “You don't have to decide right away but I do think you'd do a nice job here amore.”

Ilya’s eyes twinkle when he sees the small, bashful smile on your face. "Aww, you're his amore."

You throw a glare at the spider and try your best to keep the embarrassment out of your voice. "I should think about it more first, but it does sound nice."

Making lace could feel tedious at times but you mostly found it relaxing. And with the help of Ilya's fancy lace-making tool the process would definitely go faster. You would also be able to do more complicated patterns.

"Well there's no time limit and you can join me whenever you want. Even just to hang out!"

Before you and Bruno leave Ilya gifts you with many spools of strings of various colors and pinches your cheeks.

"Ouch--your claws be careful with those things!"

You swat his hands away and rub at your face.

"Whoops, got too excited!"

He laughs a bit as you stare, slightly annoyed.

He leans a bit closer to you before speaking quietly. "I should be careful before I make your mate upset…"

You raise your brow and turn your head slightly to get a look at Bruno. He didn't seem upset to you though. Perhaps a little less relaxed, but nothing more. You shrug at the spider and grab the bag of stuff he gifted you.

"Well I'll see you around," you tell the spider before walking towards your mate.

IIya waves. "Bye bye!"

Bruno gently grabs your hand and you both exit the shop.

"I guess you were right about Ilya," Bruno says.

"Huh? Of course I was. I already told you he could have eaten me if he wanted to by now."

The moth looks disturbed so you try to backtrack.

"Sorry. It is pretty gross to think about."

"It's not necessarily that. It's just...upsetting."

"Yea, that makes sense."

And of course that has your thoughts trying to wander to a darker path. It wasn't exactly rare for insects to be eaten or go missing but--

No. Today was a good day and thinking about scary things happening to anyone you cared about wasn't what you needed right now.

You feel Bruno squeeze your hand softy. "____?"

"Huh? Oh sorry, zoned out.” You gently swing Bruno's arm along with yours. “Well now that visiting Ilya's outta the way let's go to Mrs. Joestar's next. I wanna see if she has anything new.”

----

"Narancia don't touch that."

The bee's hand stops an inch away from the colorful canister you left sitting on the table in front of your daybed.

He pouts at his father. "I was jus' looking…"

"Sure you were."

You shake your head. "It's fine Bruno. I'm pretty sure it's empty anyways."

You move near the table to pick up the canister but end up accidentally knocking it over yourself when you reach to grab it.

Childish giggles fill the air which brings a sheepish smile to your face.

"I guess you should be more worried about me dropping things."

Narancia picks up the canister and hands it to you. You thank him and then shake it slightly not feeling anything as expected. Yesterday, you had filled this one with nectar from a new flower you found and didn't hold back one bit when you returned home.

You return the canister to the bee who gladly accepts it and then show your guests where they'll be sleeping later tonight. This was the first time the spare bedroom would be utilized by someone other than Abby.

After that's settled, you all spend your time lazing around. The three of you didn't necessarily plan any activities and just wanted to be in the same home. So most of the day you all do your own thing. Sometimes you or Bruno would play with Narancia or bother one another just because.

But as the day comes to an end, you all sit in relative silence in the main room. You lean against Bruno on the daybed switching between reading bits and pieces of the book he currently had open and watching Narancia.

The bee sat at the table in front of your lantern drawing something you'd never seen in your life. It looked similar to a bird but not exactly. Instead of 2 eyes it had many lined in a straight line across its side.

You bring your cup to your mouth. Maybe he would pursue art one day.

Suddenly, Narancia's face scrunches up and you're going to ask what's wrong when he breaks the peaceful silence.

"Fuck!"

You sputter on your drink.

Bruno’s attention is taken from his book and he turns his gaze to his son. "…What was that?"

Narancia's eyes widen at Bruno's disapproving tone. "Uhh..."

You cough to clear your throat before speaking up. "I may have cursed in front of Narancia, so it's totally my fault. Don't get mad at him please..."

"Hm, I see. Narancia don't say that word," Bruno says.

"But how come you guys can?"

"Cause we are adults and you are a child. When you are no longer a child then you can curse all you want."

"That's dumb…"

"Perhaps, but that’s how it is."

Even though you find the exchange amusing, you still feel guilty. This conversation wouldn't be happening if you watched your tongue in the first place.

You jump in to help Bruno. "Maybe you're right but it's not language appropriate for kids and you'll make others upset."

"What others?"

"Me and your father but also...uh the general public?”

The bee purses his lips at this and thinks on it for an unnecessary amount of time.

"….Fine."

Bruno gives a nod in approval and returns to his novel.

However you let out a sigh of relief and reach over to ruffle Narancia’s hair. “I'll make a whole cake just for you in the summer!”

He gasps. "Make it two and I'll never curse again!"

"Ha! Don't be ridiculous," you say amused.

Narancia sticks out his tongue and goes back to his drawing.

You go back to leaning against Bruno's side, resting your eyes while you finish your drink...

For some reason you and your mate were now walking through the middle of a beautiful forest holding hands, but things were kind of strange. Bruno was a butterfly and you were a moth...and you weren't even in your body.

The scene comes to an abrupt stop when you feel something gently stroking your cheek.

"Hrrmm….why?" You force your eyes open and Bruno's in front of your face with his hand on your cheek.

"It's time for bed mio amor."

"Mm...when did I fall asleep? Where's Narancia?"

The bee and his drawing was nowhere to be seen.

“Some time ago--you almost spilt your drink--and I already put Narancia to bed.”

You push yourself up into a sitting position on the daybed, rub at your eyes and stretch. Then you quickly make your way to your room. You want to get into bed and cuddle up to Bruno as soon as possible.

It doesn't take long for you to ready yourself, changing into something a little more comfortable. And you crawl into bed and get under the covers. All you need now is a warm fluffy moth next to you but someone was taking their sweet time letting down their hair. So instead you watch your moth get ready, your eyes drifting to his clothing.

At this point you were used to him wearing clothes more often. You loved it. He had various outfits that looked great on him. But maybe at the same time, you missed seeing him walk around without them…

“Enjoying the view?”

You hadn’t realized you were particularly staring a hole through Bruno's bare torso until he called you out.

"N--No! ....I don't know."

Bruno's stupid cocky grin makes you turn away.

After that it’s quiet again while you stare at nothing in particular. You do hear cloth shifting and assume he's removing his pants.

"…..Hey sorry about the cursing thing again."

Bruno hadn’t seemed too bothered by it but you wanted to make sure.

"It's okay. I was just worried I'd have to get Narancia to understand for the next several days."

"Well okay that's good I guess? I mean, not the cursing. That shouldn't have happened."

Bruno's suddenly quiet and you look over at him.

"____, it really was a harmless mistake….And you're not the only one who cursed in front of Narancia."

"Really? What happened?"

The moth smiles and actually looks slightly ashamed.

"I accidentally dropped his food, and it happened around the time he started speaking. He wouldn't stop saying 'shit' days after that."

You immediately laugh at the idea of Bruno having to deal with that. But one thing sticks out to you the most.

"You dropped something?"

"Maybe I was tired that day. Who knows."

You laugh again and hold out your arms to indicate you want a hug, which prompts Bruno to finish getting ready quicker.

Once he’s done he climbs into bed with you before wrapping his arms around you. But before the two of you can even fully relax you hear the pitter pat of small feet quickly approaching your room.

"Is it safe to come in?" the bee yells from outside the room.

Bruno sighs a bit when you make the "appropriate" amount of space between you and him and sit up in bed.

"It's safe!" you reply.

Narancia peeks inside cautiously before coming in.

"I wanna sleep here," he says.

"Wouldn't it be nicer to have a bed to yourself?"

The bee huffs at Bruno. "But I want to be here with ____ though!"

The moth stays quiet but you can feel some exasperation coming off him.

"How bout this…."

Narancia stops pouting and looks at you.

"You can stay for one story but afterwards you have to go straight to your bed. I'll even tell it."

Narancia hums in thought.

"This is your only other option," Bruno adds.

"Okay!" Narancia decides.

He runs towards the bed and jumps up onto it.

"Lets go, lets go!"

“Hold on I gotta pick something off the bookshelf first.”

While you search the small bookshelf you keep in the corner of your room, Bruno picks up Narancia and places him on his lap to prevent him from jumping on the bed.

Bruno looks down at the bee. "Remember you came here to sleep."

Narancia grumbles but relaxes against him.

You try to find anything child friendly and interesting to read. And by the time you're on the bottom shelf the spine of one catches your attention. A line of illustrations had been drawn along it in such a way that made it look like a frog was jumping. You forgot you even had this.

You grimace a bit but take the book anyways. Frogs were major enemies in this story but you found the story still worth reading.

You observe the cover of the worn, auburn book. The Firefly Prince was scrawled in gold cursive on the front and a simple illustration of a cute firefly sat under it. It was an adventure story that any age group could enjoy so you decide on it. You return to your bed and make yourself comfortable next to Bruno and Narancia.

"We are reading The Firefly Prince."

"I've never heard of that." Narancia says.

You clear your throat. "Well you're about to..."

“In a small kingdom ruled by and for fireflies. There was a prince who was the youngest and the oddest of all his siblings…."

Even though the bee was so energetic a moment ago you can already tell that he's getting sleepy.

“Already falling asleep?” Bruno asks.

The bee turns onto his side, resting on Brunos chest.

"Nooo I'm listenin'..."

“Okay, okay quiet down you guys…” you say.

Bruno smiles at you and you give him your own in return before continuing the story.

[blazefire-engine]

The Deal (Part V)

Summary:

Backed into a corner, Paradis is in need of advanced weaponry to go against Marley forces. Mikasa Ackerman understands this more than anyone. The Azumabito family complies with her request to share Hizuru’s technology with the island demons- in exchange for being “Hizuru’s hope.” A small price to pay, according to the ever loyal and self-sacrificing Mikasa.

Canon-divergence from chapter 107 to 132 (-ish). Which means spoilers until chapter 132.

Additional note: This fic is also tagged as #rivamika-thedeal if you want to avoid snk 139 spoilers in the rm tag. And link to AO3 and FFnet for those who want to avoid tumblr spoilers altogether.

Part: I  |  II  |  III  |  IV  |  V

----------

They arrived at the capital of Mitras safe and sound. The day was far from over as the next schedule in order was an audience with Historia and top military brass.  

“Thank you for your cooperation.” Commander Pixis shook hands with Captain Azumabito. “This is a cause for celebration. The first foreign ally of Paradis.”

“No, no. Thank you for the alliance. I believe both our nations can mutually benefit from each other’s support.” The Captain grinned. “We do think alike that a celebration is in order. I want to introduce to you our cuisine. And you must tell me what is in that flask of yours.”

“I respect a person with a good sense for alcohol!”

---

“Why the hell is he being so chummy.” Jean muttered with crossed arms as they exited the audience chamber. “I’m already annoyed. It makes me want to puke.”

Connie leered at him. “Eeeey, is Jean-boy jealou-”

Jean-boy twitched. “Shut up, Connie.”

A few female soldiers passed by, giggling and blushing.

“He’s a real lady killer too.” Connie grumbled as he rubbed the spot Jean hit. “Right, Sasha?”

The girl in question paid no attention to the subject as it looked like she was daydreaming. No doubt it was about the aforementioned Hizuru cuisine.

“This is Sasha we’re talking about.” Armin smiled. “She only has her eyes and mind on food.”

---

Mikasa stayed behind, along with Eren, Levi, and Hanji who were only a small distance away. The Azumabitos requested a few moments of her time, finally alone with a long, lost kin.

She unwrapped the bandage from her wrist, revealing the clan crest with three swords that formed a triangle.

“Amazing.” Captain Azumabito breathed, his hand instinctively reached out, about to touch her. 

At the movement, Levi straightened his stance from the wall while Eren behind her opened his mouth “Oi-”, but both relaxed when Mikasa curled her hand away.

“I’m sorry. I’ve never seen the crest embedded in the skin. The art of tattooing the symbol has been lost and ancient.” 

Mikasa clutched the tattoo protectively. “I recall the process is… a little painful. My mother had wooden needles and, apologies for a lack of better word, repeatedly stabbed my skin with ink until this symbol was formed.”

“Tebori,” Lady Kiyomi breathed out. It was the name of the tattooing technique used. "It means to carve by hand."

“Yes, that’s it.” Her son’s eyes widened in realization and the gravity of the situation. “You truly are a descendent of the forgotten Shogun clan.”

“Which reminds me.” He gestured a hand to one of their subordinates. “I brought a gift. My mother told me you were a soldier as well, capable of wielding a sword. And you have proven thus so when you slayed that titan.” 

Captain Azumabito untied and unwrapped the protective cloth, revealing the weapon. “It is called a katana. I teach it to my men. It is one of our weapons of choice in Hizuru.”

“T-Thank you.” She uttered out, taken aback by being gifted a weapon. With no other words, she noted in curiosity. “The blade is very thin.”

“Indeed it is, compared to yours.” The Captain grinned. “I can teach you.”

---

The Azumabitos departed as they were introduced to their chambers, while the Survey Corp returned by horseback to their base. 

Upon arriving, Mikasa went straight to the weapons room with intent to deposit the sword on her respected shelf. Before she could set it, she couldn’t help but unwrap it once more and inspect the weapon. She felt a strange connection with the katana. 

Perhaps it was a mixture of her Azumabito blood, calling on an ancestral relic, while her Ackerman blood called for her warrior instincts, a new weapon to master. 

Nevertheless, she had to admit it was a beautiful blade.

---

Damn bastard is already courting her.

“What the hell,” Jean muttered for the second time that day. He watched Mikasa gently inspect the sword. 

The rest of the squad also watched her from another room through the window across the courtyard. “Not even a day in and he’s already putting the moves on her.”

“It’s no surprise.” Armin said. “We all know Hizuru is trying to win her over. According to bloodline, she's their rightful heir after all. Besides, Mikasa is smart enough to not fall for his charms.”

“Looks like Levi has some competition.” Hanji snickered.

“What?!” Jean and Eren exclaimed, flustered.

At the same time, Levi glared and spoke in a low, blood-chilling tone. “What.”

As per usual, Hanji paid him no mind, tipping her chair back. “Well, Shikishima is a captain, trained with the sword, good looking, and he’s taller-”

Levi didn’t let her finish as he kicked the leg of her chair so hard it flew, leaving Hanji to fall butt first on the hard, stone ground.

“Oi, what was that for?!” The Commander whined.

----------

Oh my god y’all here we go. Let the games begin. This is getting out of hand already.

(when you spent time researching japanese tattooing techniques rather than my graduate project)

Also, important note: I will most likely not update for a day or two since I’m sure a lot of people will be talking about 139. But this means I have more time to refine the next parts and will return to an upload schedule. 

Anyways, I hope this brings some form of joy- y’all are scaring me with 139 lmao 

[itsuki-minamy]

MEMORY STORIES: THE CURTAIN CLOSES, THE CURTAIN OPENS

* Projects & Chapters

Translation: Naru-kun Raws: Ridia

Neko stepped into the mansion to shelter from the heavy rain and lightning. There was an atmosphere where ghosts seemed to appear at any moment in a western-style building with a strict and intimidating feeling that you normally wouldn't want to get too close.

However, every time she tried to take shelter from the lightning and the cascading drops on the eaves, the entire area would turn bright yellow, and the shaky night atmosphere was scary, and Neko desperately snuck into the building through the small open bathroom window and she stepped deeper into the mansion.

At first she thought it was an empty house. There weren't many signs of people. However, admitting that a dim light was pouring in from a room on the second floor, she approached softly, speaking and cautiously.

And at that moment, she was called.

"Oh, something strange has come to pick me up from the other world. Are you a cat or a human girl?"

Neko was shocked and stopped. The lady said with an annoyed voice.

"I don't like it. I'm asking a question. Yeah, but hey, that's fine. Just answer."

Succumbing to the power of only those who were used to commanding, Neko stormed into the room.

"Fuwah, you are selfish..."

When she said that...

"Yes. I don't know what you're saying, but you look like Beppin-san. Come on."

As told, Neko obediently approached the lady's voice. Neko was invited by an old woman who got out of bed and looked to be in her eighties. She was wearing a red nightgown, stretched out her back and put her hands on her knees, but she had an oxygen cannula in her nose and an IV drip in her arm. A medical device that Neko did not understand was installed on the side of the bed and digital numbers were displayed.

"Do you understand, Wagahai?"

Neko had been conducting reconnaissance operations the entire time. However, this old woman saw Neko as a "human girl".

The old woman gave a stifled laugh.

"I've always had a keen intuition. It's like building this mansion with that intuition. Besides, I've been almost blind these days. You don't have to fool me with anything extra."

If she looked closely, the old woman's eyes trembled gray. She must have been a terrifying beauty when she was young and she had a clean face. Neko was intrigued and irresistibly asked...

"Grandma, what are you doing here?"

The old woman gave a high-pitched laugh like a witch. She then cleared her throat a little, and after coughing painfully over and over again,

"Greetings. Did you break in? But that's okay. I like being alone but I don't hate clients. What are you doing? That's right. I mean… I'm dying."

She smiled and said that. That was the meeting between Neko and Madame Fuyuko.

Madame Fuyuko seemed to like Neko for some reason.

"Lives here for a while and talks with me."

At those words, she decided to stay at the mansion. Neko who was tired from long trips was also thankful for the fact that she didn't have to hide her identity and she could eat rice three times without worrying about the night dew or being chased by dogs. Also, she could sleep on a futon and take a bath.

Neko spent most of the day in the room where Madame Fuyuko was, leaving her seat and acknowledging when the medical staff and caretakers arrived. And in the process, Madame Fuyuko realized that, as she put it, she really was "dying".

Although she was in a good mood talking to Neko, she would suddenly turn pale and sometimes painfully call the medical staff of the place. By the way, the staff were sometimes in the waiting room on the first floor, but in most cases they only came for regular visits every four hours. As a result, Neko would sometimes hold her hand and cheer her on until medical staff rushed inside.

"I'm going to die in this loving house that my last selfish mother designed herself. Because she made a lot of money for it."

Madame Fuyuko laughed and replied to Neko that she asked if she would go to the hospital.

Madame Fuyuko then told Neko about the various things that she had experienced. She was an actress at one point and wrote a novel. It was starred twice as a movie. The novel had won a famous award that every expert would know. She once ran a tourism company in Bali and was assigned to an international organization as a diplomatic adviser to a certain country. She spoke six languages, was familiar with art, and had a collection of paintings.

"I can't play it anymore, but I really liked the violin."

She said she in a mischievous way.

"In the end, I didn't have any children or husbands, but I got a lot of different types and nicknames. It was fun."

The name Madame Fuyuko seems to be a stage name when she was a fortune teller using her peculiar intuition. It seems to be the one he liked the most.

And when Madame Fuyuko finished telling her memories, one day she suddenly became serious and said to Neko:

"You should go now. Yes. I don't want to get in the way. I'll probably die in a few days. I know. So I don't want you to see it."

Neko had a feeling that one day she would leave, so she obediently accepted it. Still, the tears naturally spilled over. For a short time, she became fond of that proud old woman. Neko asked:

"Aren't you lonely, Grandma?"

Madame Fuyuko laughed.

"I have lived the way I really wanted to. I enjoyed being alone, having fun, being strong and living. I will never forget those days. And the last option is to die alone. Well, the hands of the doctors will be annoying. I will compensate them with money."

And for the first time she strokes Neko's hair.

"Feel proud and free. That is the most important thing to me. Do you understand?"

Neko blew her nose and looked back at her forehead. The old woman had a sweet voice.

"But you're different from me. Okay? Go find something important just for yourself. I'm sure you'll find it one day."

At that moment, Madame Fuyuko coughed violently. When Neko tried to help her in a hurry, she waved her hand with frightening eyes, saying "Come on! Go away!" She turned around slightly like a real cat and jumped out of the room, knowing that this was the last action to respond to Madame Fuyuko's thoughts.

Madame Fuyuko was laughing with her thumbs up.

She finally sent that message, to whom was old enough to be like her granddaughter. The two never met again.

++++++++++

When she was looking at the heavy rain hitting the window pane, she suddenly remembered Madame Fuyuko. The noble and beautiful demeanor that she had. The toughness she was showing when her death was imminent.

And the last piece of advice she received.

"Go find your own important thing."

At that moment, they called her from behind her.

"Neko. It's almost like rice. Today is Kuro's special okonomiyaki."

"I added as many dried bonito toppings as you requested."

Shiro holding chopsticks and a plate and Kuro in an apron was standing there. A big smile spread across Neko's cheeks.

Neko had traveled all the way since then and finally found him.

Things that seem to be important from the bottom of her heart.

[yostresswritinggirl]

21 Years in Another Life Submission

Mother! Mother! By the time I sent this, August 18, I have officially turned 18! I am now legal to drink beer, I can finally drink my icon 😌. I know it's usual tradition to give gifts to the birthday person but I wanted to do a reverse and give something to you and the community. And that is: The Prologue of my Isekai webnovel! I would much prefer if I could also give Chapter 1 but I am currently recovering from tonsilitis and whenever I am not feeling good, my body just makes me sleepy to try and recover

Here's the prologue for "21 Years in Another Life"! -🍺

"It seems you are doing fine Mr. Dante, I'll be back for another check later tonight",

I could only nod and let out a hum as a signal that I understood. The boring white walls of the hospital were something that I had grown accustomed to but still loathed in every sense. The heavyweight of my right hand had a plastic cast of sorts to keep it straight as the needle of the dextrose tube was put inside in one of my veins.

I turned my head to see the dextrose bag hung on the stainless steel IV stand. I watched the small drop that would come out of the bag into the small cylinder that would connect to the tube. I looked back into my life.

21 years of my life. The majority of them are in the hospital.

The sickly body that I was born with not only burdened me but also my parents. Money was no problem for us as my father was the CEO of a well-known company he worked for from the ground up but rather it was the taint in the reputation of the family name.

I was his eldest child but thankfully not his only child. I had younger siblings and all of them have very healthy bodies.

And that is good.

I was about to close my eyes to sleep, not having the mood to read a book or even watch television until, "Oh, should we visit another time?", I tilted my head to the side as I saw my mother enter with my youngest brother, the baby of the family. "No, I was just looking to past the time", I said as my brother walked his way to the side of the bed where my free hand was. That was odd, he usually skips towards me.

I noticed the wide smile that was plastered on his face and the way how his hands were behind his back. "Big brother! I have a surprise!", He said excitedly obviously vibrating with joy, I inhaled a bit to brace myself and noticed the faint natural scent of flowers suddenly in the room.

"What do you have there?", I asked and he presented with three stalks of Sunflowers tied together with a neat little white bow. "I thought you might like them, I asked the nice old couple down the street if I can have some for you", his eyes twinkled and I couldn't help but let out a quiet laugh of my own.

"Thank you", I whispered, touched deeply by the gesture "Mum? Can you put it in the empty vase, please?", My mother nodded as my baby brother gave the flowers to mum.

I sat up with using my dominant left hand as support while my brother removed his shoes. I pat down the spot next to me gently as he climbed up the bed, sitting snuggly beside me as I gave his forehead a gentle kiss.

"I'm gonna start growing my flowers so we don't have to buy anymore from the flower shop", he affirmed to himself as I raised a curious eyebrow towards him, "Oh, why is that?", I asked, already having a hunch as to why he would like to grow them.

"You never really liked store-bought flowers, you said they smell funny", he said as he tilted his head upwards, "Why is that?", He asked as I nodded, "It's not the flowers but more so the paper, there are times that the papers are scented quite strongly that smell of the flowers are not complimented as nicely as I would have liked", I explained to him as he let out an 'Ahhhh' of realization along with gentle nodding.

"Will dad come visit?", I turned towards mom as she finished putting the flowers in the vase, "I hope so, if the meeting ends on time he'll pick up your sister so they can visit you", She sat back down on the nearby sofa as I just nodded. "How are you doing?", I could only give her the usual half-sided smile that I would give whenever my younger siblings are around.

A smile that meant: I don't know how to feel.

My mother could only exhale and gave a gentle reassuring smile and a nod towards me. A smile and a nod that says: I know.

My parents and I don't tiptoe around the topic anymore as if I was a kid. This was a sad reality I grew up in and we just accepted it but we made sure to make the best out of every situation.

The knock at the door caught our attention as my brother was about to open the television. "Come in", My mother called out and the door creaked open and the familiar face of my younger sister peaked through, "Oh! Oh! Look dad! He's awake!", The door opened a bit more to reveal my younger sister and dad, he was holding a canvas under one arm as my sister's bag was slung over the other shoulder of his.

"Hey Kiddo, how you doin' ?", My dad put the bag and canvas down on top of the cabinet as he made his way next to my bed and then ruffled my hair. A comforting feeling, his hand on top of my head as a gentle head pat was enough to help me calm down after rigorous emotions went through me.

"I'm doing fine now, I assume the meeting went well?", I asked and he just nodded along with the usual hand gesture of facing his palm up and down in a sideways motion.

It went well with some people who need convincing, just the usual things then.

"Big brother! My tutor gave me the assignment to draw on a canvas today!", She bounced a bit on her feet before skipping towards where the canvas was put down. She run-walked towards my side as I peered towards the canvas.

It has no color yet just the rough outline of her whole drawing, it seems she will be drawing sunflowers and lots of them. "I didn't have time to finish my sketch since it was already time buuut!", She pointed towards the middle part of the canvas, "This is where you are supposed to be!", I nodded with a smile etching its way onto my lips. She was so excited about it.

"My tutor also said that giving sunflowers to someone means to bring joy to someone's day", she explained before adding, "And! And! I wanted to give you this painting when I finish it so you'll be happy every day", I just chuckled and ruffled her hair with my free hand and brought her in for a side hug.

"And I'll be planting sunflowers in the garden so when you get back back, you'll see it every day and we don't have to buy new ones from the shop", My brother exclaimed. I just gave a nod as we heard a knock on the door, my father creaked the door open and the familiar white doctor's coat peeked through. My dad looked back towards mother and she just nodded and went outside.

I gave a sigh and let my head plop down to the pillow. "Big brother? When can you come home?", My sister's tone was now quite solemn. I just shook my head, not wanting to give them more hope than necessary.

I don't like promises being broken so I rarely make promises that I can't keep.

And sadly, this is one of those times.

The bed shifted a bit until my younger siblings were curled up to each of my sides, I just sighed a bit. "How are you two holding up?", I asked.

"Ehh",

"Mnnggghhh",

They also we're not too sure of it. I let out a breath through my nose, "Remember what I told you guys before? About promises?", I asked.

"Try not to make promises you can't keep", my brother voiced out, his voice coming out meek. They realized I won't be coming home any time soon. We just laid there on the hospital bed.

Closing my eyes as different memories from the times back home came to the front of my mind.

- - -

"Big brother!!!!" The muffled voiced screamed from behind the door. A voice filled with glee, before I could even say the door was unlocked it had slammed right open revealing my younger sister carrying her new case filled with art materials.

I just gave her a big smile, I settled the book I was reading to my bedside table and she made her way towards me. I saw dad peeked through the doorway and put his pointer finger to his lips and proceeded to quietly go away.

Dad had bought Artemis new art materials without mom knowing.

"Big brother! Remember when I made a wish to the shooting star we saw?", She asked excitedly, she bounced a bit on her on feet and, "It came true?", I "guessed" and she nodded, her hair bouncing along with her.

"It came true! The star was also kind enough to also give me a new case!", She heaved the case on the bed and proceeded to open up the case. She pulled out the shelfs that can be easily retracted inside for more efficient compartments.

"Darling?", the door creaked open and we both looked up and saw Mom. She saw the art case that Artemis proudly displayed, mom could only gave a smile and a nod but I could feel her secret fury behind it. It was not directed at us but rather, "Have you two seen your father by any chance?", She asked.

"Nope", "No"

She just hummed and nodded her head a bit, "If you happened to see him, make sure to give him this face", Mom gestured to her unimpressed face with her half lidded eyes and a small frown. Before smiling once again and saying goodbye.

Dad was in a lot of trouble.

- - -

The noises of delight that came from the children as they exited the school gates was one that could be heard from the other side of the street. All of them eagerly excited to come home from school.

I waited just by the sides of the gate, waiting for my younger brother, Artem. I looked over through the crowd of children slowly pouring out of the doors and I just eagerly waited for him, "Need a seat, boy?", I looked behind me and the guard was nice enough to bring out an extra stool, "Thank you", he just gave a friendly wave of his hand and went back to his station while I sat down at the stool.

I pulled out my phone and recalled the phone call that me and Mom had that led up to me being the one picking up Artem for the day.

"Dante? Do you feel alright today?", Mom went straight to the point,

"Yeah, yeah, why'd you ask?",

"If it's alright, can you pick up Artem today for me?"

"I don't mind, why?",

"You'll see when you pick him up",

I patiently waited for my younger brother by the gates. "Brother? Brother!", I looked up and saw Artem running towards me in full speed. He stopped just shy in front of me as his whole body vibrated with excitement. He bit his bottom lip as he tried to hide his smile.

"Come on, we can chat about your day while we walk home", I ruffled his hair as he nodded. I waved goodbye to the guard and we were on our way. Artem had a skip in his step as he told me about his whole day at school.

The activities they did and I just listened intently.

- - - -

I groggily opened my eyes and saw my parents had ushered my siblings out of the bed, my mom was the first one to see me awake, "Had a nice nap?", She giggled and I nodded along, a smile gracing my lips. I noticed how the edges of her eyes were a bit red and how her nose had a specific red tint to it, an indication after crying.

What happened?

I looked over towards Dad and gave him a questioning look and he just mouthed me the word, 'Later'. I just nodded as my mom had brought out a tupperware filled with dinner. "Artemis, can you go to the desk and ask for some spare spoons?", My mom's tone was a bit hurried but my younger sister just nodded and left for the door

"Artem, how about you join your sister? Just don't go to far from her, no?", My mom ushered my brother out the door as well and soon enough it was just me and my parents left in the room. There was an akward silent at first and then

"Mom? Have you been crying?", I asked while sitting up and she just pursed her lips together before nodding followed by a choked sob. I patted the spot besides me and she sat down, they were some tears refusing to fall down. I opened my arms and she just tackled me into a hug, with every inhale she took was followed by a broken sob.

"You've...been...", She sobbed out as I rubbed circles at her back, "Doing...so...well", she choked out before trying to calm herself down. I just sat there and hugged her close, trying to help her calm down.

It seemed the doctor didn't give the good news they were hoping for.

The door creaked open and my mom pulled away, soon wiping away her tears with a handkerchief that my dad had given her. My younger siblings came inside with 5 spoons. "We got the spoons!", My brother exclaimed as they gave mom the untensils.

Mom opened the tupperware and there she had cooked some Beef Stroganoff, my favorite food. "It was your dad's idea to cook your favorite today", she said while dad let out an akward chuckle. "Well, since the doctor had said you won't be coming home anytime soon. I thought bringing you some of your favorite food would cheer you up and give you some break from the Hospital Food", I just smiled towards Dad and gave him a thank you.

It was just comfortable silence until they had to leave, visiting hours were now over and I just waved goodbye to them, with my younger siblings promising to annoy mom or dad to visit me tomorrow.

I just laughed at their response as dad ushered them out of the room. Mom gave me a gentle kiss on the forehead and a farewell to them both. Being left alone in the dim room isn't always a good feeling, especially in recent times.

I toss and turned a bit, trying to find a good spot to get back into napping. The window gave a good view of the sky, it's filled with stars tonight. All of them twinkling individually, I let out a soft sigh before closing my eyes in trying to find a good nap.

- - - -

My eyes snapped open, the heaviness that my body felt before was now gone. I was somewhere else other than the hospital room I was admitted in.

I looked around, I am surrounded by twinkling stars with the ground beneath rippling under my feet with every movement I took.

"My, a young one already here?", I turned around and was met with a masked woman, she was holding a pocket notebook and a stamp in another hand. She looked up and tilted her head a bit to the side.

"You, Mister, are currently in the Realm of Stars" she started as she walked towards me, to ground rippling underneath her feet with every step she took. I swallowed the lump forming in my throat and she stopped right in front of me.

She looked up towards me and was faced with her, "This is the realm where the soul journeys to their resting place", she added before looking through her notebook again and flipping through some pages.

Am I dead?

"Ah, here it is. We usually don't meddle with the laws of life but this is an exception", she hums before taking a step back.

"I'll be frank with you mister, if given the chance to live again...", She gestured with her hands, "How long would you like to live again?", She asked and I was flabbergasted with the sudden question. I gulped once more and I answered, "Another 21 years would be great", I replied to her and she looked at the notebook before nodding.

"Interesting, even if the life you were give doesn't have a clean start?", She asked and I just tilted my head a bit to the side, curious "What do you mean by that?", I asked as she materialized away the stamp and notebook she was holding.

"Let me reiterate again, if given the chance would you live again for 21 years but the body already has a history of living?", She asked and I just nodded, unsure still of her words. All I got was that I get another chance of living for another 21 years.

"Alright then, perfect!", She exclaimed whilst clasping her hand together, "We currently have a body that needs a soul but the old one had already left it and it isn't his time to visit the Realm of Stars", she sighed before a couple of stars started surrounding my whole figure.

"I wish you luck with your new life", she waved goodbye before adding another.

"I'll see you again when your 21 years are finished"

- - - -

My head hurts badly, it was dark all around as I tried to find the feeling in my "body" again.

"Call the doctor!",

Huh? Am I in a hospital again.

"Quickly, we must get his majesty back to the castle before any stragglers from the enemy line comes for us!"

Wait, wait, wait, majesty? stragglers? enemy lines? Did this body participated in a war or something.

What did I get into now?

"Don't worry your majesty, we will get you back safely to the castle", Hold on. Are they talking to me?

What is going on?! I should have asked that masked lady with some questions before agreeing.

Whatever the case, I should take this opportunity to have another 21 years to my life even if I didn't get a clean start again.

I should try to wake up by now.

------------------------------------------

YOOOO NIGHTINGALE SKGBAKJGB FIRST OF ALL HAPPY LEGAL AGE DAY!! YOU CAN NOW BE LEGALLY ARRESTED, I'M SO PROUD AND I HOPE YOU ENJOY THAT DELISH BEVERAGE!!

SECOND OF ALL HOLY SHIT I DID NOT EXPECT THIS, NOT EVEN THE LENGTH I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A SNEAK PEEK! I LIKE IT, THE TRANSITIONS ARE NICELY PLACED WITH A BALANCE OF NARRATIVE AND DIALOGUE, YOU'RE DOING GOOD AND I HOPE THINGS GET BETTER! FOR YOUR WEBNOVEL AND YOUR TONSILS!!

[andyet-here-we-are]

I Would Get Into Millions of Accidents Just to See You, Chapter 1

For @wolfgeralt as a little ‘thank you’ for his stunning art -which I really adore, you can see it here: (x)

and for @hecky-heckicravedeath (x) who gave me inspiration for this fanfiction. Also Thanks @3tothe1 for being my beta. (You’re such a sweetheart, and I love you so much)

Anyway,  I hope you like it, my dear Witchlings! 💛

I present you: NURSE GERALT!  

Chapter 1 Word Count: 2461

ao3: (x) 

Chapter 2 Tumblr link: (x) Chapter 3 Tumblr link: (x) Chapter 4 Tumblr Link: (x)

When Geralt arrives for his shift, still feeling exhausted from yesterday, he has no idea what’s waiting for him at the hospital. His days are never too ordinary because you never know what you’ll come across.

That’s a part of being a nurse.

But he could never think that one of the not-so-famous musicians, his daughter, Ciri adores, was going to have a terrible traffic accident—which somehow isn’t on the news—and end up in the hospital he works at.

He already knows his name since Ciri just can’t stop talking about how nice he is and how he sounds like an angel. To the point where sometimes Geralt wants to say “Okay he is wonderful, so kind and lovely and you really love him, I get it. Can you please just keep eating your pasta? Yes Ciri, yes, I know that pasta is his favorite food, you say that every time we’re having pasta. ”

Geralt isn’t there for his intake, apparently, the accident happened last night, and the musician was badly injured.

Jaskier has a ruptured spleen that caused internal hemorrhaging, which the doctors were able to repair. He also has a mild concussion, a couple of broken ribs, along with some cuts and a broken leg which he is probably going to need another surgery for.

Since the other nurse who was responsible for Jaskier last night,  is having some family issues and has to take his annual leave, Jaskier is in Geralt’s care now, they let Geralt know.

When Geralt is home, Ciri starts talking about how Jaskier hadn’t posted anything in two days, and how worried she is since Jaskier had promised them a new song, “He never breaks his promises,” she says.

Geralt thinks that keeping the fact that the young man was in a traffic accident to himself is a better idea.

***

Three days later, when Geralt cracks open the door to Jaskier’s room, the man still sounds asleep, his chest rising and falling with every slow breath he takes as the morphine keeps dripping into his system. It’s enough to keep him subdued, if not completely pain-free.

He checks his IV, and takes a few notes onto his clipboard, right before the musician comes to, his eyelids fluttering.

And damn if he hasn’t got the most breathtaking eyes he has ever seen in his whole life. Even when they lack the spark Geralt is sure they normally hold in them.

Jaskier is confused, of course. So he tells him about what has happened and clears his throat before speaking.

“Mr. Pankratz, I need to take your vitals and then give you some medicines for the pain, may I have your arm?”

“Hell you can, might as well take my poor heart that seems to be beating for—”  Jaskier flirts and coughs before he has the chance to finish, his voice is low and hoarse from lack of use.

Geralt makes no comments, and fills a cup of water for him instead, helping him to drink it. He is surprised by the musician’s flattering words, and he is also glad that he is good at keeping a neutral expression on his face.  

“…you.” He finishes. “Well, I would normally use the ‘am I dead and in Heaven?’ cliché, but, see,” Jaskier keeps talking after sipping some water “I’m in too much pain to think that I’m in heaven. You sure look like a sexy angel or something though.  Ohoho, are you gonna give me a sponge bath, too? Just wondering. If so, I’m totally down for it. Just so you know.”

Geralt can’t help but snort at that a bit, “Do you always talk that much?”

“Maybe it’s you who doesn’t talk enough, you ever considered that?” Jaskier teases, and then suddenly his whole playful expression changes like he remembered that he had left his cat on the stone, and he frowns to himself, “Oh God, three days you said? Shitshitshit,” he drops his head back onto his pillows in a way too dramatic manner, covering his eyes with one hand “I had promised them a new song,” the nurse hears him mumbling “I am such an idiot.”

Jaskier truly seems so disappointed in himself that Geralt feels the need of comforting him. The man had a traffic accident, for crying out loud!

And yet, he is concerned for his fans because he couldn’t keep his promise, rather than being worried for himself.

Not even an hour has passed since he had the chance to talk to the man, but he already can see why Ciri likes this guy that much.

“It’s not your fault that some idiot decided that running a red light and colliding with your car was a good idea,” Geralt says “don’t beat yourself up over it.”

Jaskier still seems disappointed, but he mumbles a silent 'thank you’ before he says “ you may be right, but I promised them.”

***

Days go like this: Jaskier keeps flirting with him every time Geralt steps into his room to check on him and give him his medicines. Geralt never flirts back because of obvious reasons, but he never tells him to stop either, even though he does judge him with his eyes now and then.

The moments Geralt can spend with the man is the most he feels happy at work.

He can’t even deny that at this point.

Ciri keeps asking him why he looks happier nowadays, and why he suddenly became clumsy all of a sudden because he loses his focus easily.

“Who is the reason behind your smile? I gotta know! C’mon, it’s not fair! Don’t leave me hanging like this!”  She insists, being the stubborn girl she is, and after a second she grins like cheshire cat “You’ve finally met someone special?”

“…I might have, pumpkin”  is his answer. “I might have.”

***

He doesn’t know why, but Geralt doesn’t like Thursdays. Well, it’s probably because everything bad has ever happened to him seemed to happen on Thursdays, usually.

And sadly, this Thursday is no exception.

Hank, a seventy years old man who has been here for more than a month, and who has been very ill passes away. Who he had become really close with and really cared about.

Jaskier catches his change of mood when he goes to check on him and simply says, “Talk to me. I mean, you don’t have to. But you look like you could use a friend. And I’m so bored of watching television anyway.”

So Geralt talks to him.

He talks about Hank, about how wise he was. He talks about how he has been working here for years but how it still affects him so much when someone passes away. How he doesn’t suppose to feel a connection with his patients, how terrible of a nurse that makes him.

“That makes you human, not a terrible nurse.” Jaskier assures him, his voice as gentle as always. “Believe me. I wouldn’t lie to you.”

Geralt isn’t sure when Jaskier’s hand finds his hand as they talk, and when his dainty looking, long fingers link with his; but the intimate gesture feels so natural, so right that he just lets him.

***

Jaskier has surgery for his right leg the next day, and it’s not the first time that Geralt hears his patients saying the most ridiculous things after their surgery, thanks to the sedation.

But oh boy, if Jaskier doesn’t take it to a whole new level.

“Maaarry meee, my dear nurse!” the musician yells, “we could make the most adorable babies together! One of them would have my voice, one of them would have your weirdly sexy brooding or something. One of them would have my…. my tongue?  Or eyes? Cheeks! Yes, cheeks. And the other would have your lips while the other would have your… DIMPLE! I love that cute dimple you have on your jaw! ”

Geralt laughs, because how can he not?

“That’s biologically impossible.” the nurse says. “Also how many kids you have in mind? That was awfully a lot.”

“Hmm, let’s see. Marie, Duchess,” Jaskier starts to count with his fingers, and he looks so damn adorable that Geralt finds it extremely hard to not just reach out and ruffle his hair. “Thomas O'Malley, Toulouse, and Berlioz. So, six!”

“It’s five, actually,” Geralt tilts his head to the side slightly and corrects him with a fond, little smile. “So… you’re planning to name your kids after The Aristocats?”

“Our kids, mind you. And I’m not straight, love. You can’t expect me to do the math, I don’t make the rules.”

Love.

He just called Geralt ‘love’

“He probably calls ‘love’ everyone,” the nurse reminds himself and swallows, not being able to focus on what Jaskier says for a minute or so. “You’re no special.”

But the way Jaskier utters that one word, makes him feel like he is lying to himself.

When he can finally focus on what he is saying,  Jaskier is still talking about the same topic.

“…and you should be grateful that I’m not planning to name them after Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! If we’re gonna have more than six, I’m totally doing that though.”

“Why Mr. Pankratz, we’re not even married yet. But I already don’t have a say in anything, it seems.” Geralt can’t help but tease with the young man in return.

Jaskier waves one hand weakly: “Don’t take this as my marriage proposal though, I’m better than that. If I were to propose to you I would do that in the most wonderful way. Roses, candles, and everything. Even fireworks.”

Geralt remains silent, so Jaskier talks again: “And ya know, joking aside, actually we couldn’t name them unless we adopted them when they were babies.”

“Why do you want so many kids?” the nurse wonders, raising an eyebrow.

“Well, growing up in a foster care system will do that to you,” Jaskier lets out a loud and somehow cute yawn.

Geralt knows that he wasn’t even supposed to ask that, and he shouldn’t even listen to Jaskier rambling about his life, which he won’t even remember after the sedative effect wears off.

But he can’t suppress his need of knowing more about him.

He just can’t.

“Wanna adopt as many kids as I can, so I can provide ’em a life filled full of love and everything they deserve. All the beautiful things in the universe. All the things I couldn’t have when I was a kid.” Jaskier admits, and his words make Geralt’s heart clench in his chest.

At that moment, Geralt is sure that he is falling so hard for the musician.

Maybe he already did.

“Don’t think that I’m not gonna name our dogs after them though. Or cats.” Jaskier mumbles. He looks like he is just two seconds away from falling into a deep sleep.

Right when he moves to leave, Jaskier grabs his hand as he softly, sweetly whispers, “Geralt, don’t leave me.” And he sounds so vulnerable, so weak that the nurse’s heart skips a beat in his chest.

Geralt would love to say that he doesn’t leave all night, but he has other patients he needs to check on, so he leaves.

But not before staying for five minutes as he holds the musician’s hand, and watches him fall asleep. Nobody needs to know, right?

***

The next day, Jaskier doesn’t remember most of the things he had said last night, but somehow he remembers that Geralt had stayed for a while.

That day, feeling guilty about yesterday, Geralt talks about his life.

“It’s only fair,” he thinks.

He talks about Ciri, and he lets the musician know how crazy his daughter is about him. That makes Jaskier smile at him warmly, but then again, his smile is always like this.

Warmer than the sun on a hot summer day.

Blushing, Jaskier hesitantly says that he would love to meet her. His big, baby blue eyes seem to be searching for something in Geralt’s eyes.

And Geralt understands that he finds whatever he was searching for when Geralt nods and says: “We would love that, too.”

***

“Look! Jaskier finally posted something!” Ciri says one morning while they are having breakfast, well, more like Ciri is having breakfast, and Geralt is just busy with his coffee since he is in a hurry.

“Hmm?”

“Wait, was this an ‘I’m Actually Curious About What You Have To Say’ type of ‘hmm’? Because it definitely didn’t sound like your usual ‘I Don’t Care’ type of ‘hmm’. Nice! That might be the first time you actually seem curious about what I have to say about him.” Ciri smiles, and lets out a sad, little “Oh.” After reading whatever Jaskier had posted.

“He says that he is having some minor health issues…”

Geralt huffs at that.

‘Minor health issues’

If what he had gone through is “minor” to Jaskier, Geralt doesn’t even want to imagine what “major health issues”  mean in his dictionary.

But he is sure that the only reason why the musician says “minor” is because he doesn’t want to worry his fans.

“‘I am in good hands though—I mean it, really really good hands—so no need to worry. Love you all, xoxo’ Hmm… I hope it’s nothing serious.”

The nurse looks at his daughter’s phone screen and the excessive amount of winking face emojis after ‘really really good hands’ part catches his attention.

He tries to hide his smile behind his black coffee mug.

And luckily, he succeeds.

***

A few days later, it’s time for Jaskier to be discharged from the hospital. And Geralt feels a bit sad about it, to be honest. Because he is already used to having the young man around.

To his never-ending flirting and jokes, to his smile, to his everything.

But the good thing is, that means that he will be no longer his patient.

Jaskier gives him his number before he leaves, and tells Geralt to call him whenever he is free.

“I’m totally getting into another accident and make sure they bring me here if you don’t call, Mr. Handsome Nurse,” the musician jokes in a low voice.

“We wouldn’t want that now, would we?” Geralt smiles. “You can be sure that I’ll call, Jaskier. And we can even have some pasta maybe.”

It’s the first time that Geralt calls him by his first name, and the nurse can see how the other man’s smile widens when he does that, eyes sparkling.

“Wow. Now I have no doubt about how much Ciri talks about me,“ scratching the back of his head, Jaskier chuckles shyly, and it’s music to his ears. Ciri is right. He does sound like an angel.

"Till we meet again, Geralt. Till we meet again.”