#findingself

[mostlytrudy]

Sad Ending

I want to stop To actually accept the Fates Without the burden of guilt With the absence of pain Without the moral of some sort of a lesson. I want to be Everything that I know that I am Not because I was trained to be so And certainly not because I was without a choice And out of the thought that this is all a strict script One that no one bribes out of Neither because I dream of…

[stormyoceans]

Monica, you often write about your bisexual ass. Is that true? May I ask how you understood that? I'm going through a metamorphosis of myself right now, and you give the impression of a person who cares, who can share experience of findingself.

hello, anon!!!!

i can confirm i am very much bisexual and that i've dated both men and women, although my actual serious relationships count amounts to a shocking number of...... two. so you know. im hardly an expert ;;;;;;;;

realizing i was bisexual was a bit.. tortuous for me, but im gonna try my best to keep it short. im also gonna put it under a read more since it's personal stuff and people may not want to see it, so if you're still interested about my personal experience you can find it under the cut!!!!!

right, so. basically i had this best friend who i had known since elementary school and we were very close and very affectionate with each others: we would cuddle and hold hands and even exchange little pecks on the lips as an hello. no one worried about it when we were kids and we never really questioned its 'normalcy', but as we grew older (around 11/12 years old) our families made it clear that that was not 'appropriate behavior', because certain things were okay to do only with boys

then high school happened and that was.. pretty much the worst period of my life ;;;;;;; my friend and i went to the same school and were in the same class, but while she was well liked and had quite a few relationships with boys, i was bullied a lot, until one day they started to refer to me as 'that lesbian', as if it were an insult. my friend started to pull away from me a little, but she would also buy me a rose for valentine's day every year and say she missed me and that no boy made her happy as i did, so i was. a bit confused ;;;;;;;; i also felt jealous of her, but i wasn't sure if it's because i wanted to be her or if i wanted her to just be with me

and you know, i was already deep into fandom spaces at the time, but it was also very different back then: there wasn't a lot of genuine queer representation (brokeback mountain came out when i was 15 and the only other queer relationship depicted on screen at the time was tara and willow from buffy the vampire slayer), shitting on female characters was considered 'cool', and you could find essays on how liking yaoi and being interested in MLM was 'completely normal because those stories are made exclusively by straight women for other straight women' (which is why i now hate this mentality but that's a whole different matter)

ANYWAY. after high school, my friend and i grew apart, then i met a guy in university who i REALLY liked, who shared my same interests and gave me back a little of self-confidence, and we dated for almost two years. then one day my friend contacted me out of nowhere to catch up and when we met she confessed that she had always liked me, and when she kissed me i didn't stop her. so we got together and were in a relationship for three years before it ended (badly), but the important thing here is that i was in my 20s at that point, and queer representation and awareness had started to slowly get better, especially in fandom spaces where there wasn't just heterosexuality and homosexuality anymore, but people were starting to talk about bisexuality and asexuality and gender identities too, so reading about all of that kinda did the trick for me. it's when i looked back and realized that there was a reason why i was obsessed with both sailor moon and dragon ball as a kid, and that i did indeed have a crush on harrison ford as han solo in star wars and heath ledger in a knight's tale but also on keira knightley as elizabeth swann in pirates of the caribbean and katie mcgrath as morgana in merlin. it wasn't an either/or situation, i liked both and that was who i was

okay so this still ended up being long as hell ;;;;;;; and im not sure reading any of this was actually helpful, or if im even the best person to talk to about this, but i do wanna say something that i find to be true for my experience, which is: i feel like a lot of people think about bisexuality as a.. perfect balanced proportion, for lack of a better term, like it means that you're attracted to men and women (or men and non-binary people, or women and non-binary people, etc.) in equal measure, but that's not true. you can be attracted to idk.. 9 men and 1 women, or 6 women and 2 men and 2 non-binary people, and you're still very much bisexual in all cases!!!!!!

and the thing is.. i think labels in this case are important when it comes to give you a sense of self and a sense of community, but they don't have to limit you. i also think it's completely normal to maybe feel scared and confused when reading about sexual orientations and romantic orientations and gender identities, because there are some people who just connect with a definition and know who they are right away, but there are also people who don't know if something actually applies to them or not and that's okay!!!!!!! you can take all the time you need to figure it out!!!!!!!!

and if you're not sure what to identify with, but you do know that you're not straight, then it's perfectly fine to identify as just that: not straight (i know some people are not comfortable with the term 'queer' but i personally like it because you can use it as an umbrella term with that meaning, however there's nothing wrong in simply using 'not straight')

so, um, yeah ;;;;;; again, idk if this can be helpful in any way, because figuring out about being bisexual to me was just a mix of.. liking someone and trying to be in a relationship with them and then realizing you can like both men and women and thinking 'oh that's me!!', but everyone's experience is different. i don't think i have any advice to give you, except maybe 'be open to possibilities and talk to more people to hear about as many point of view as possible', but also you were right to say that i care and if you need someone to talk to, im here for you

hope you'll find the answer you're looking for, anon, and please know im holding your hand through this journey!!!!!!

[colincycle]

While we all have busy hectic lives, we also to learn how to become more aware of the little synchronicities that happen everyvey day, every moment, that create miracles in universe. Universal energy is about abundance, and we have to become aware also, that our own personal energy is infinite. #awareness #selfdiscovery #selfawareness #livinglife #metaphysical #intuition #intuitiveself #intuitiveawareness #selfspiritualawareness #spirit #findingself #realign https://www.instagram.com/p/B5IeW0JlzAR/?igshid=6alh8qf7yj0k

[thrash8158]

i'm a conservative, liberal, feminist, tree lover with a big fuckin' mouth

Me

[lindakhalil]

“Loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self.” —May Sarton • • • • • #travel #travelphotography #travelblogger #travelgram #traveling #travelersnotebook #travelwithme #travelwithmeaning #solitude #selfcare #selfjourney #wanderlust #worldtravelers #solotraveler #solotravelingisfun #findingself #exploretheworld🌎 #exploretravel #lonelinessvssolitude (at The Grand Palace, Bangkok) https://www.instagram.com/p/CnvokEOPpHV/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[col-shots]

Fear of failure is creeping in crazy, always had a way to avoid it but anyway it's definitely not gonna win this battle with me. *Artwork below is part of the "as above so below collection"*

[luciwest]

Road Trip Stop 1: NordArt 2022, Germany I've stopped posting people or personal photos on social media years ago. And I'm certainly not one to post selfies... until this week. At the beginning of my Europe trip, I knew something needed to change in my work, volunteering, and creative life - at least a re-balancing and shift of focus. I decided to spend this time keeping my senses open to all forms of inspiration, guideposts, and visions of self - in hopes answers would float to the surface. In these photos, I see a lot of what I wrestle with, what holds me back, and what inspires me, keeps me going. The answers aren't all there - but they're floating around. The artist of the "Finding Dodo" sculptures is Liu Ruowang. Still trying to figure out who created the woman sculpture. Do you know? #NordArt #NordArt2022 #artexhibit #roadtrip #selfreflection #findingdodo #findingself #artinspiresart https://www.instagram.com/p/CgiGWuwqU-i/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[holisticdistancetherapies]

Other Methods to Help Find Self

There are more ways to try and find who you really are. It is best likened to the peeling of an onion where only the true self is left. A good place to start is to review all of what has happened to you in this lifetime and the major events. The point is not to wallow in them or take pride in achievements. Just draw a linear map of the major events that happened, what their effect on you was, and try to see the bigger picture. This will help to build a degree of objectivity.

In terms of finding self, you do not want to be dependent in any way. So look at all the ways you are emotionally, mentally, physically, or financially dependent on other people and things. Become as self-sufficient as possible. This could entail an eliminating of cigarettes or bad food and finding a new job where you work for yourself. It will be different for everybody.

Finding self is an individual process. Nobody has ever self- realized themselves together. It is just not the way that the universe works. Groupthink is the antithesis of individual empowerment. Because even in groups, solutions only come from one individual with one spark of inspiration. There is no way to share creativity or ingenuity because it comes from within. This means that when you are finding the self, the practices that you use and the philosophy that you adopt will be yours alone. If you simply copy what others are doing, then you are already disempowered, and will never find the self. Without making decisions of your own volition, you are not giving yourself any power.

[jeffs-gamebox]

Freedom Day! 11th Month Edition

Things I ought to be grateful for do not line up with current circumstances. I'm done. I'm discouraged. Somehow I'm still trying...

Captain’s Log. Stardate: 6.19.2022. Our continuing mission to seek out new opportunities, new wealth and prosperity has hit yet more snags. I’ve been off work for 11 months with no prospects for gainful employment in sight. The government is not helping yet or possibly at all. The bills are starting to creep up. A family of six surviving on one paycheck in this day and age looks pretty grim. Law…

[myexperiencewithnativeresid-blog]

How do I start?

This is a letter to myself.  A letter to write a history of the events that took place over the past two years of my life.  It was a journey of mass proportions. It still is.  Its a  journey that has set my life in a direction I cannot ignore.  The lessons are numerous; each a result of mistakes that were made along the way.  

Its imperative I write this down before these memories fade with time.  

[ftn-luna]

The continuity of life.

Still breathing, alhamdullilah for it. As I’m writing this, I actually didn’t know what topic or what things that I can spill here. This is definitely some places for me to just escape from the hurtful reality. Eceh, kita bercakap seperti kitalah yang paling disakiti bukan? There are soooooooooo many things I want to do in my life. Aku rasa macam aku baru hidup. Ye, reality does hit me in so many ways. Being jobless at the early age of 24 isn’t a crime isn’t? I am actually waiting for the interview results. I tried to belief this process of growing, trying to digest and kinda forcing myself to believe that everything would be as it is. Or I can say that, let Him pave the way for me to always never waver as I walk by the road. Whether its bumpy ride, straight lane or criss-cross road, I need to get back to Him back isn’t? 

My schedule for almost like these almost two-months are not healthy at all. I felt very demotivated, feel restless even I’m not doing anything, yes literally not doing anything. I feel bad towards my parents of not being able to give back. I want to give back to my parents and family right now. There is no such important things than making my loved one happier. I would be happy for them to if only I can do so. But, I felt really useless now. Woke up so late, not being productive, doesn’t felt really good. I need to get out of my comfort zone. Being in this kind of state isn’t good for my mental health, my spiritual journey are so bad right now. I felt like I am really floating without any guidance. I miss being contented with loads of good and positive energy back then during my studies time. It is probably because I am surrounded by good people who always remind me of it is ok just to be myself. It is not that I’m saying right now I don’t surrounded by good people, it is just my emotions were roller coaster as heck. 

I miss walking by the lake, yes just walking and counting the steps. I wanna grow up to be able to give back to the community. I think by doing that it can help me of finding myself back. I wanted to believe of myself of being capable of doing something good towards other people. I actually don’t know how, right now. It felt like there’s always missing puzzle of here and there. The core of yourself wasn’t strong or grip enough. I wobbled a lot. The picture above were taken during those playful-stress-kind-of-time on our internship phase. I just wanted to keep it here. These people plays so much role in my few last chapter of years since 2018. I hope you guys are doing well enough. 

I hope you’re doing well enough too, my dear self. 

-f.n.r 

[1.37am, Batu Pahat, 12th February 2022] 

[bratitos99]

Unlearn to relearn #fruitfulthoughts #thoughts #fruitful #findingself #unlearn #relearn #aff #asé #blackmoneymatters #blackpower #grandrising #goldenage #whenyouknowyouknow❤️ https://www.instagram.com/p/CTY_3VeoRfP/?utm_medium=tumblr

[thecreativejunkie]

#quoteoftheday✏️ #quotelovers #quotesofinstagram #quotestoliveby #thoughts #selfcare #selflove #selfimprovement #selfdevelopment #selfawareness #findingsoul #findingme #findingmyway #findingself #findinglight #findingmyselfagain (at India)

[overcomeandgrow]

Please don’t. . . . . . #love #mindset #motivationalquotes #inspiration #quotes #gratitude #success #smile #positivevibes #happiness #loveyourself #selfcare #motivation #goals #inspirationalquotes #nevergiveup #believeinyourself #overcomeandgrow #saturdaymotivation #findingself #dontsleeponyourself #2019 https://www.instagram.com/p/Bx5TM1EnB_z/?igshid=4jvx1g6he78t

[kaleidoscopicdaisy]

Chaos incarnate.

My dirty design might disrupt your delight.

Does that give you reasons to feel the fright?

My darlings

It should.

We are taught to fear the things we do not understand and for that I suppose I have always had fear bubbling within.

I did not understand the uttering of chaos as she chanted her tunes betwixt my chest, bubbling her breath into my brain.

The time came to either chain myself to my uncertainties or unleash my preconceived understandings..

I chose to unleash. I chose to dive into the darkness and all her delights. I chose to become a part of the flames and the sun. I chose to unleash all I am into uncertainty and within it I found myself.

I found the fierceness that balances my breath when all seemed broken. I found the truth in my heart and the realities I had once thought undeserving.

I found my feet. I unharnessed my heart. I enlightened my eroded thoughts.

I found myself.

[crownedwithlaurel52]

Broke my own heart

That's when I begin to pray

Selfishly looking to live another day

Don't know what I want or who I am supposed to be

But when I look at the sky I am jealous of how the wind is free