#finished writing at 2:07AM

[bunnyluvx]

the arcana characters and their favorite ways to spend time with you! ♡

featuring: the romanceable cast of the arcana minus lucio x gn!reader.

summary: the cast and their favorite ways to spend time with you!! <3

warnings: brief death mention in portia's part. nothing else! <3

a/n: WOWIEEE HAIII EVERYONE!! i just wanted to say thank you again to everyone who loved on my last post. it was really scary for me to make that, but i did it and all of the interaction means the complete world!!!! i know that this is a very different fandom than the last post so i don't know how many people will see this but to any readers, i hope that you enjoy this!!! i worked super hard and got a bit tired towards the end so i hope you can forgive me if it isn't as detailed eyfvibu i wanted to do more but mannnn i am so tired. i didn't write lucio, as i will not be writing any lucio content on my page at all. mentions of him for story reasons and maybe if i ever write a fanfic, he'll probably show up but other than that, i will not be making any content of him at all. i am a proud lucio hater so if you want lucio content please go somewhere else. i just finished asra's route today, i got the upright ending and AAAAAAAAAA?????? I LOVE THEM SMMM SYFVIUBIOE!!!! asra is literally such a cutie patootie and i am so in love with him. i cannot deal with it. i have done muriel and julian's routes too, both with the result of the upright ending, and i plan to do nadia's next!!!! very excited and nervous to see what happens. nadia and portia may be a bit ooc, so apologies for that. i have yet to do their routes so i have yet to see their characters in action. very mildly proofread, so please forgive any errors. character banners were edited together by me! any and all requests/ideas for my next post are appreciated! i don't think i have anything else to mention so enjoy!!!!!!

divider credit: @isisjupiter

date started: 7:46PM, april 11th, 2024. date finished: 2:07AM, april 22nd, 2024.

wc: 3.9k

asra ♡ traveling.

i really struggled to find something for asra that suited, because they would honestly enjoy doing anything with you. it doesn't matter where you are or what time of day it is, as long as he has you by his side, then he's happy. and that is super evident in their route. and having just finished asra's route, i have been thinking; we all know that asra does a lot of traveling. and we all know that during those times, asra misses you terribly. they don't like being away from you for a long time, and as we go through asra's route, having all of these adventures and seeing so many new and cool places, we can see just how happy asra is to have you at their side. the joy shines through the screen, and i can feel just how happy he is to have you with him wherever you are. ergo, their favorite thing to do with you is to travel.

when the two of you started to travel together, asra was a bit nervous. he didn't know what to expect when you agreed to travel together without a destination in mind, and he was worried that somehow, some way, something would happen to you. what if you got kidnapped? what if you got hurt? what if you got sick? all sorts of thoughts were running through asra's head, but the more that they watched you grow and allowed you to take chances, the more that they realized that you would be okay. yes, any of those things could happen, but he is right there if you need him. they know that they will always be by your side to help you through any challenge, and care for you however you need it.

however, as the travels go on, he is reminded everyday that you are a strong, capable individual. they knew that before, of course, but seeing you solve all of the riddles and puzzles put in front of you, helping so many people and growing so much made it hit them like a truck. he was always too afraid to allow you to take chances before, in fear that you would get hurt. but they learned that if you didn't take chances, that you wouldn't grow. and the last thing that he wants is to stop you from being the best version of you that you can be.

so, they let you off of the leash. and just like a bird taking flight, you soared and took everything that came at you by storm. he watched you as you became braver, smarter, kinder and stronger. they always expected for you to be great, and they always had faith in you. he just needed to learn that in order to achieve that greatness, that he needed to let you do some things on your own. they needed to let you make your own mistakes and win your own battles, so that you could learn. and it was one of the best decisions that he's ever made. watching you become more independent and confident within yourself is one of the best feelings that they could ever be blessed to have. he feels so grateful that he is the person that you choose every single day, and no matter what, he will always choose you.

julian ♡ dancing.

at heart, julian is a romantic. almost every cliche romantic thing that you can think of, you have done with julian. picnics. karaoke, aquariums, painting classes, shopping, craft nights, not to mention all of the crazy adventures that you guys would get into together. every day, he wants to remind you why you fell for him, and in his opinion, keeping things lively is the best way to do that! above all, though, julian's favorite thing to do with you is to dance. he knew that you were a prodigy at dancing after the masquerade, but one night changes everything.

the two of you had actually taken dancing classes before this. you were actually the one who suggested it, and after teasingly accusing you of thinking that the two of you are horrible dancers, he agreed. he honestly didn't think that he could be more in love with you after that. you two went to the class, and julian could hardly ever tear his eyes off of you. the way that you moved was so naturally graceful, as if you had been a dancer your whole life. he most definitely showered you in attention and love after the class was over, and he knew that he had to arrange for the two of you to dance together more often.

oh but that night was not the night that he realized that this was his favorite thing to do with you, no no no no no. the night that he realized that dancing was his favorite activity to do with you was a night like many others; dinner at portia's. it was you, julian, portia and nadia, and you all decided to eat outside so that you could watch the stars. portia went into the cottage to check on the food, with nadia following close behind her, and julian figured that it was the perfect time to steal a sweet moment with you. so, he stood from his seat and knelt to one knee before you. with one hand on his chest and the other extended to you, he asked, "will you have this dance with me, my dear?"

you giggled and told him that there wasn't any music playing. what could you possibly dance to? oh how sweet you are. a chuckle symphonized from his chest, and he responded with, "oh my dear, we do have music." a gloved hand took yours and placed it over his heart, "right here." oh my gods, this absolute cheeseball. you playfully shoved his chest, moving backwards under the force but not falling onto his butt. he swiftly leans forward and takes the hand that shoved him, pulling you to your feet as he stood. one pair of hands intertwined while the others lay on your waist on his shoulder. you two started to sway together, as if you were in the masquerade. yes, you did technically dance at the masquerade, but julian wanted a more intimate experience. you didn't get to have a romantic ballroom dance thanks to the one we do not speak, and julian finds that absolutely outrageous!

your bodies glide beautifully amongst the grass and bushes, you take turns spinning each other around and laughing throughout. fireflies spring from the greenery wherever you set your feet, giving your figures a tender glow that julian found absolutely enchanting on you. after spinning through almost all of portia's front lawn, you find yourselves right back at group sitting spot. his arms have encircled your waist, keeping you close to him as your arms encircle his neck carefully. there are no long strides in this dance, no dramatic flair; just you and him rocking back and forth. his eyes stare into yours and his lips are curved into an adoring smile, as if by looking into your eyes, he could pour all of his love from him to you just through eye contact.

you mutter his name, he mutters yours, you lean in, and..portia pipes up. both her and nadia hold two bowls of soup, hot and ready. portia is mischievously smirking at the two of you while nadia admires your connection. julian tries to usher them away so that he can have more alone time with you, but you're quick to shut him down. begrudgingly, julian did, but all he could think about for the rest of the night was how beautiful you were dancing with him. your laughter singing into the air, the smile on your face, your gaze carving through the very core of his being. somehow, he was able to stay focused on the conversations that occurred that evening, but everyone, including you, could tell that he was going to be hung up on tonight for the next several weeks. when you got home, he was sure to steal a kiss from you later, and another dance.

nadia ♡ fashion shows.

ah, our beloved countess. at first, i planned on giving her shopping, seeing as her love language is gift giving, she would love to spoil the crap out of you with anything that you even glanced out. however, i wasn't happy with that idea. my boyfriend was actually the one who came up with the idea of fashion shows (hi vinny honey, i love you <3). he is such a freaking genius for this one bc OH MY GOSH YES. nadia has such beautiful taste in clothing, so she would absolutely love to host little fashion shows with you. she does like to share her clothes with her friends, but with you, it's special.

the original thought was you trying on nadia's clothes, and nadia trying on your clothes. nadia would feel like she is falling in love with you all over again if you tried on her clothes. all of the fabric would embrace you in such a perfect way, accentuating all of the things that she loves the most about you. gosh she would just be so head over heels,, she would clap every time you would walk out to show her what you chose, or what she selected for you because she just wanted to see you in it so bad. this woman is literally your number one supporter, she thinks that you are absolutely drop-dead gorgeous in everything that you choose to try on and cannot get enough of you in her clothes. she will shower you in compliments and praise of just how celestial you look, and it makes you super duper flustered because she just flatters you so much.

she also gets really shy when she tries on your clothes. all of her life, she has had the most expensive, well-made, stunning clothes that anyone could ever dream of. so, trying on clothes that do not fit under those categories is new to her. while she isn't used to not wearing the most lavish clothes to be found, she likes your sense of style and is always excited when you ask her to try on an ensemble of yours. what she worries about is what you think. she frets that you think it won't look good on her, if that isn't the farthest thing from the truth. when she walks out to you, you are in absolute awe of how beautiful she is. you already think that she can't get any prettier when she wears other outfits, but now this???? her in your clothes???? oh lord almighty you must be SAVED bc this woman has swept you off of your feet. she asks you what you think, and all you can do is walk up to her and smooch the ever-loving life out of her. you just love each other so much!!!!!

BUT WAIT, I'M NOT DONE. I HAVE MORE THOUGHTS.

when your group of friends have sleepovers at the palace, or when you all go out shopping together, it is unavoidable that you all will be having a fashion show where you all show off the clothes that you bought. nadia loves these so much because she gets to watch her friends all enjoy themselves and feel confident in their clothes, especially if she was the one who bought them. but with you, they just feel so different. to her, it is an intimate experience of being able to share your joy with one another. something that you value in your relationship with nadia is self-esteem, both yours and hers. not only do you both want to make each other feel good. but you also want to feel good within yourself. and nadia thinks that fashion shows are an important part of that. clothes are part of how one may express themselves and their identity, and that is something that nadia treasures. so, if showing off the clothes that you got is going to make you feel good about yourself, then she wants to be there to watch you. there is nothing more important to her than your happiness, and if going through outfit by outfit is what will make you happy, then so be it.

admittedly, she..also really likes to show you the new clothes she gets. when you first started dating, she was a bit nervous about it. she knew that you knew of her riches and lifestyle; it was lavish, and she only got the best of the best. she's the countess for crying out loud, so of course you knew that she was going to have everything that she wanted at her feet, even if it meant something that took literal years to find. but there was part of her that worried that you would see her money and think differently of her. she feared that you would judge her person based on her money, instead of the woman you fell in love with. when she told you this, you automatically reassured her that you wouldn't think differently of her at all. you would love her regardless of the amount of money she has, you told her. and this put her heart at ease, so she progressively became more comfortable showing off her wardrobe when you hosted your shows to each other. now, she doesn't hesitate to declare a fashion show after a shopping spree so that she can show you the lovely things that she got for herself. and every single time that you have one, you cannot believe that that is your girlfriend. you are just the luckiest person in the whole world to have someone like her, and she feels infinitely more lucky to have you.

portia ♡ watching the sunset.

this kind of feels like a given to me. portia is always talking about how she wants to sail the world and explore, both in the actual routes and in heart hunter. so sitting on the docks with you, watching the sun disappear behind the sea and talking about your dreams??? oh heck yes, count her in. she is really tired when she isn't working, so usually she spends her time trying to rest up and take care of things around her cottage. however, she wants to spend all of the time that she can with you. so, the two of you go on all sorts of lovely dates! shopping in the marketplace, teaching her about new herbs in the shop, seeing the new shows in the theater and heckling julian, all sorts of stuff!!!!! but portia's all time favorite part of your days together is when you go to the docks, take off your shoes, sit on the edge and talk while watching the sunset together.

portia has so many dreams, and so many things that she wants to do in her life. and she loves to tell you about all of them. she spends hours just ranting to you about all of the things that she wants to do, the places that she wants to see, the types of adventures that she wants to go on, and of course they all include you being there with her. oh gods you love listening to her,, every single word that she speaks are words that you carve into the stones of your memories. listening to her talk about her dreams is like watching the sun shine. greenery smiles under the glorious warmth and embraces her glimmer gratefully, her passion burns brightly and she is the most beautiful being in any realm to ever exist. she has no time to wonder if she's talking too much because she is far too focused on being with you, and loving every single moment of it. you truly hope that you are able to go on all of the adventures that she wants, so that you can experience every ounce of the world with her, until it all falls apart.

of course, she loves to listen to you. the time that you two spend at the docks is time to talk about anything that comes to mind, and she cannot help but adore you as you pour your heart out to her. when you speak of all of the things that you want to do before your time in this realm comes to a close, she watches and listens very intently. your voice to her is like a river, running smoothly through the canals of her mind and soothing the battering howl of her heart. her eyes twinkle with adoration as her elbow rests on her knee, her face leaning against her hand as she stares at you. everything that you tell her only makes her more excited for your future, because in your future, you include her. and that is all that she could ever truly want. you both truly love to listen to each other talk, not even just about your dreams, but about anything. even if it's something as small as dinner options or something that you saw at the market that you liked, you both love to hear anything and everything from each other. can you tell that the two of you are head over heels in love??

the first time that you sat at the docks together was a magical moment that portia will never forget. you two had just spent an amazing day together, and you wanted to rest by somewhere pretty before heading back home. so, portia suggested the docks to watch the sunset. you agreed, then took your shoes off and sat down. you conversed for hours, laughing and teasing each other. it is so obvious that you both are the other's favorite person to be around to everyone around you, you are both so comfortable with each other in the purest, most loving way. portia had taken her hair down, long curly locks of red flowing carefully down her back. as the sun caressed the ocean for a farewell kiss, the light made her look like she was a celestial being. freckled, pale skin bathes in orange, your own skin making you look just as radiant as she. you locked eyes with her, and all you could think about is just how much you love her. and her you, for she thought in that moment, that you were the most gorgeous person she had ever seen. she thinks that all of the time, but everything about that time was too perfect. your hands cupped her cheek, and her hands held your arms as you exchanged a beautifully passionate kiss. all of her love dumped into it as did yours, and it is something that portia will always remember. you two go to the docks a lot more to watch the sunset, and exchange plenty more kisses worth treasuring for the rest of your lives.

muriel ♡ nature walks.

OHHHHHH MURIEL!!! MY SHMOOPY POOPY DOOPY BEAR!! i love this man with all of my heart,, no one understands my love for him syufigubine. i didn't even have to think about this one, because i KNEW for a fact this our sweet boy would absolutely LOVE to go on nature walks with you. he isn't much of a people-person, so he doesn't really like going anywhere that crowds gather. which, in vesuvia, is a pretty hard thing to do, considering the fact that people are almost always out, doing something. so muriel doesn't like going anywhere where people are. the time that he spends with you is meant for you and you alone, not to be spent around a crap ton of strangers that push and shove and cram him into tight spaces. so anytime alone with you is time that he greatly cherishes. you had been wanting to find an activity that both you and muriel love doing that wouldn't make muriel anxious or uncomfortable, so you came up with the idea of nature walks.

when you brought it up to muriel, he accepted it right away. he would get to be around nature and spend time with you? that's all he ever really needs, honestly. he has been through the forest time and time again, he knows every crevice of it like the lines on his palms, yet when you went on your first nature walk together, everything about the forest seemed to change. the colors were brighter, the plants smelt richer, heck even the animals were out and about more when you two went out together. he didn't understand why, but it felt so much better being in the forest with you. you walked along and let the path take you wherever fate demanded. the sun peered through the leaves of the trees to allow life to breathe underneath it, the warmth of the day wrapping around you both like a blanket. he's gotten used to this forest after living in it for so many years, but with you, it felt like the most fascinating place to be.

he was a little worried because he figured that you would want to go out. not just to the forest, but to somewhere like the marketplace, the town square or even the rowdy raven. when he expressed his concerns, you reassured him that you didn't need to go out and do something. all you need is to be with him, and if this is the way that he is most comfortable spending time together, then so be it. you could walk all day, all night, for the rest of your lives in this forest together, as long as it meant that he was comfortable and happy. he smiled and thanked you for your reassurance, giving you a little kiss on the cheek before taking your hand and continuing your journey.

from that point forward, nature walks became a very regular part of your routine with muriel. it always starts with "wanna go on a walk?", and from that point forward, who knows what could happen. you two have found a lot of new things in that forest together. you've found lots of pretty flowers, greenery, rocks and animals that you didn't see before, new spots to relax in and even found little burrows and nests a couple of times!!! it's like a little adventure that isn't too far away from home, and muriel is more than happy to go on a walk at any time. it's almost always something new when the two of you go out together, and he thinks that that's what makes you so lovely. on most days, on his own, he wouldn't think twice about any of the things that you do. so, when you stop him to look at a pattern on a rock, or to admire a dandelion that you call a flower even though it's a weed, he takes his time to admire it with you, and he can't stop that sweet smile from curling onto his lips. seeing you in his favorite place is the most wonderful experience that he could ever ask for. he didn't believe that he was deserving of wonderful experiences before, but now that he has you, he wants to think differently.

@BUNNYLUVX ,, all rights reserved. do not copy/plagiarize any of my works or submit it into ai. any and all support is so very appreciated! <3

[hretoprvdthepltnx]

would you please write an ineffable husbands fic where they cook together (at Azeriphale's request of course)? It can regard or disregard season 2. Just please make it fluffy and cute

3 O'clock Breakfast

Ineffable Husbands x daughter-son!reader

Summary: Y/n stayed up late to finish the novel they were reading, and it ended sadder than they expected. Seeking out comfort in their Mother-Father, Aziraphale - a fellow book enthusiast, they didn't except him to insist upon a family Smile, Love breakfast at 3am. Their other parent isn't entirely pleased.

Content: hurt/comfort, reader is written as a teenager (can be older or younger but a teen nonetheless), tears over fiction are valid tears, Aziraphale is a sweetheart, Crowley is sour about having to get out of bed, the reader is Crowley and Aziraphale's biological child - don't ask me how that works, just sweet things with an ethereal family,

Rating: 14+ || 1.5k+ words

Their eyes burned with exhaustion and the salt of tears. Five minutes ago, they could barely stay awake - but it was only a couple more pages and they couldn't stop there, not with what was happening in the story. Now the book sat, upside down and offending, on the nightstand by their bed. The tears wouldn't stop, it was a numb sort of cry. They should have seen this coming. Everything was leading up to it they had just hoped...but no. They wanted their parents - someone they could rant to who would share in their grieving. They wanted Aziraphale. He was the one who recommended the stupid book to begin with. But they weren't mad, not really, just grieving and tired.

Sliding out of bed, they made the trek from their room to their parents' down the hall. They paused at the door to wipe their eyes and clear their airway with a sniffle, then gently pushed it open. "Are you guys awake?" They asked, feeling fresh tears block up in their throat at being so close to their parents. Why did it have to work that way? One second you think you've got yourself under control and then your parent speaks or shows up and suddenly you're crying again. The bedside lamp switched on and Aziraphale sat up, Crowley grumbling unintelligibly and rubbing at his slitted yellow eyes. "Darling? Is everything alright?"

They made their way to his side of the bed and Aziraphale opened his arms to welcome them into his freely offered comfort. Their tears were now back in full, and they wrapped themself around the softness of their Mother-Father with the need to be held. Crowley sat up and exchanged a look with his husband. "Love, are you alright?" he asked, his voice thick with sleep. "I-I fin-finished it." They sobbed into the collar of Aziraphale's shirt, and he made a sound of understanding, nodding. "The novel I lent you? Did you enjoy it? I do believe the ending was quite sad, I was rather dewy eyed over it as well."

"Wait, all this is about a book?" Aziraphale shot Crowley a look of warning. "I do believe it is. A rather emotional story, wasn't it love?" Their child mumbled something in to Aziraphale's shirt that might have been 'yes' or perhaps 'fuck you'. Crowley couldn't believe he'd been pulled out of what might have been a dream, or perhaps a memory, either way it involved Freddie Mercury, just for this. Why would anyone ever want to read if this was the result? "Do you want to sleep with us tonight, darling?" Crowley asked, flopping back down with his head on his pillow. He looked at the clock, the red lettering projected an offensive 3:07AM.

Y/n sat up and wiped their eyes, then laid their head back down on Aziraphale's shoulder, looking out. He rubbed their back soothingly, always so empathetic. "I don't think I can sleep right now." Aziraphale hummed, an upturned chipper to roll the sound from his throat. "Well," he said, a breathless excitement and loving smile that cast one identically on to the tear puffed face of his child. His little world right there, teary eyed and oh-so lovable, in his warm and inviting lap. "Why don't we go downstairs, and I make us a pot of tea? Perhaps some breakfast?" Crowley groaned and threw his arms up over his face in exhausted exasperation - both husband and his child ignored him. "Can we make pancakes? With toppings?"

Aziraphale smiled. "Why, of course! Anything you'd like! And we can all make it together!" Crowley sat up, glaring. "Woah, hold on. All of us? I never said anything about breakfast, I don't even like breakfast." Aziraphale guided y/n to stand up and then he followed suit, standing at the base of his side of the bed and glaring back at his husband while their child waited in the doorway, amused. "Well, Crowley, not everything is about you. Our child wants pancakes, now get up and come help us make them." Crowley and Aziraphale exchanged a long look, each silently daring the other to act against them. Finally, Aziraphale grabbed the bottom of the duvet and yanked it off the bed, sending pillows and sheets flying to the floor. Crowley yelled out in protest; y/n stood laughing in the doorway. He glared at them; they glared back playfully.

Aziraphale wacked Crowley gently on the foot. "Up." He demanded with an accusatory pointing of fingers. Crowley groaned in the most dramatic fashion and threw his legs over the side of the bed to stand up, cursing Aziraphale under his breath all the while. His husband and child didn't wait for him as they headed down the stairs to the kitchen. "So, what will it be? Chai? Chamomile? Earl Grey?" Y/n took a seat at the bar while Aziraphale hunted for the kettle. "Which ones do we still have?"

"Umm, let's see," Aziraphale set the kettle down on stove and searched the pantry for tea bags. "I can only find Chamomile. Will that be alright, my love? Would you prefer I made us some hot cocoa?" He waved the box of chocolate powder in the air, and y/n found themself fantasizing about tiny marshmallows. "Let's do hot cocoa." Aziraphale beamed and practically skipped his way back to the kettle. "I was hoping you'd pick that one." It was then that Crowley decided to make an appearance, now fully dressed. "Dad," they said, and he stopped in the middle of the walkway, looking at them with a raised brow. "We are planning to go to bed after this, you do know that, right?"

Crowley walked over to his kid, swaying in the way that Aziraphale and y/n often teased him for, and placed a kiss to the top of their head. "You might be, but I'm not." They looked at him with furrowed brows and confusion so obvious he could practically hear their question in his head. It was like looking into a mirror sometimes, looking at his kid - only they were every bit the angel their Mother-Father was. It was a shame, a damn shame. "Awe, it's too late for that now, sugar. I'm already awake." The clinking of mugs brought their attention back to Aziraphale, and Crowley took the seat next to y/n. "Ah, here we are!" the angel announced, setting two steaming mugs down in front of his little family. Y/n beamed at the little marshmallows sloshing against the walls of the cup, yellow eyes gleaming with delight.

Aziraphale retrieved his mug and lifted it for a toast, Crowley and y/n followed suit. "To the fascination that is human literature." Y/n echoed his toast and Crowley mumbled something about ridiculousness, they all took a sip of their cocoa, hissing as it burnt each of their tongues. "Perhaps we should have waited." Aziraphale commented, making a face at y/n who laughed and agreed. "Perhaps we should have all stayed in bed while we still had the chance."

"Yes, maybe we should have left you there," y/n teased, exchanging slitted glares with their parent. "But then you would have missed the pancakes." Crowley leaned back in his seat and rolled his eyes. "I don't even like pancakes." Aziraphale had started grabbing ingredients out of the pantry, y/n and Crowley got up to help. "How could you possibly know that? You've never even tried them." While Crowley grumbled pointless excuses, Aziraphale handed him the flour and the salt. Y/n grabbed the wet ingredients from the fridge. "Yes, yes, you don't care for human food," Aziraphale waved him off, setting an armful of ingredients on to the cabinet and nearly knocking over his hot cocoa. As soon as his arms were free, he picked up the mug and took a sip, y/n following suit. "However, these pancakes are special pancakes."

"Oh, really?" Aziraphale hummed, exchanging glances with his kid. He sent them a playful wink. "Yes, very special. Because we'll be making them as a family, Crowley. Isn't that nice?" The expectant look on his child's and husband's faces were one in the same. Crowley hated the way he never stood a chance against them. "Ugh, fine," He fought back a smile at the hugs that engulfed him immediately after he caved. "But only if the two of you will stop pestering me." Y/n and Aziraphale exchanged a grin and a nod, "Deal." they said in unison. Crowley leaned against the counter as y/n got out mixing bowls and Aziraphale began measuring ingredients, and he sipped his cocoa. It's going to be a long night, he thought and then, despite himself, he smiled. If this is what love does to a demon, it was pathetic. Yet he couldn't help but to allow it to warm him from the inside out. He was going soft.

"Hey, dad?" y/n asked, looking up at him bashfully. "I can't reach the mixer." Crowley sighed, putting emphasis in to an exasperation he didn't feel, and set down his mug. "I got it." Aziraphale looked up from his carton of eggs and smiled at the pair, his little family. Crowley pretended not to notice, and he purposefully ignored the smiles his loved ones sent each other - not so sneakily - behind his back. It would be a long night, indeed, having to keep up pretending he wasn't enjoying it. He wasn't, not really. Well...perhaps just a little.

|| masterlist ||

story by hretoprvdthepltnx©

Ineffable Husbands/Good Omens copyrighted by Neil Gaiman©

[a-casual-kpopfan]

Last Christmas Prompt. 🫡

Pale Blue Dot - Jinsoul

A/N: I know who you are…

This would be a good one to end the year with.

Dec 25th, 2022.

You open your eyes, your first instinct is to check the time. Your eyes swerve around the room, seeing the clock on the wall saying 2:07am. The grogginess started lifting and to your realization there’s a dim light coming from the other side of your bed.

“Sol?” You spoke up seeing the your wife sitting at her desk, writing out something. She hasn’t heard you the first time so you decided to sit up from your bed. “Sol?” You called out once again, this time grabbing her attention. “Oh, baby you’re awake?”

Jinsol ran over from her desk over to your shared bed to prevent you from getting up. “Yah, baby don’t get up.” Jinsol places her hands on your shoulders preventing you from getting up, instead laying you back down.

“Sol, I’m okay!” You try to convince your wife that everything is okay, you’re not having an attack of anything whatsoever.

It’s been 3 years since you’ve been married.

1 since you’ve been diagnosed with bradycardia, a condition when a heart’s resting rate is less than 60 beats per minute.

Meaning anything that exerts an excessive amount of energy, can lead to cardiac arrest, possibly worse.

Jinsol was scared, she was a full time astronomy professor at the South Korea college before she decided to change to doing part time in online teaching. You were in construction, labour intensive, definitely didn’t help your case of a slowed down heart.

She knew at any moment in time, your heart will fail you.

“You know I want you to save your energy baby, don’t waste it.” Jinsol smiles and pecks you on the forehead. “I’ll come to bed soon, I just need to finish some paper work.” You just agree knowing nothing will stop your wife. “Okay Sol, hurry up.” You smile and lean upwards, letting her lead down to leave a kiss on your lips.

“Merry Christmas baby.”

Jinsol goes back to her desk finishing her paper… Her application.

~~~~~

Dec 24th, 2023.

“I’m heading to the hospital now Sol, Sooyoung offered to drive me over there.” You tell your wife over the phone, she was called into the university, probably for student program reasons.

“Okay baby, you be safe okay? I’ll kill Sooyoung if you’re not in one peace.” Jinsol smiles as she’s sitting in her chair at the hospital. “You know I love you right?”

“I love you too honey.” Both you and Jinsol said your goodbyes, you were excited. You were moved up somehow on the queue for the heart transplant. “You ready?” Sooyoung opens the front door, ready to take you over.

“I can’t wait to go out with Jinsol again, have dates with her again. I can finally take her roller skating like how she always wanted!” You were so excited to see Jinsol after this done and over with.

Sooyoung didn’t say much. “I’m sure Sol will be happy too.” Sooyoung looked like she was trying to hold something back, like she knew something.

“Are you crazy?!”

“Take care of them Sooyoung.”

~~~~~

“Are you going to wait for Sol?” You’re sitting in a wheelchair, ready to be wheeled off for the surgery. “Yes, I’ll be waiting here.” Sooyoung smiles, trying to hide the truth for however long it takes.

You nod and you get wheeled off.

“GOOD LUCK!” Sooyoung waves at you until your pass through the doors to not be seen.

~~~~~

Dec 25th, 2023

You open your eyes, your first instinct was to look for the time. This isn’t your usual bedroom, this is a hospital room, white walls, thin bed sheets, a hell of an uncomfortable mattress compared to what you’re used to.

2:07am.

The grogginess started lifting up from your being, you notice on your chest a blue envelope with a drawing of a fish. You also look to your left a sleeping Sooyoung, but no wife to be seen.

You take the envelope and slowly open the it containing a letter and Jinsol’s engagement ring.

“Hello baby,

You made me the happiest woman on this planet and further beyond that. You gave me your heart last Christmas, the Christmas before that, the Christmas before that, all the way since we met in that car accident on that faithful day, it was still your fault you rear ended my car!

This Christmas, I give you my heart. For all those time you sacrificed yourself for me, all those times you put me in front of you. My best friend, my live, my partner. You were ever so perfect, like the one I always dreamed of as a child.

Please don’t hate yourself, this was a choice I made and I wish for you to live a fuller and happier life. Someone else in this world is here for you to make you happy, just as I once did.

Sooyoung was awakened, she looks up to see you sobbing in tears, holding your chest.

She knew you found out.

She saw the letter on your lap, only to read the last phrase of it, she got up from her chair to embrace you in a hug, you took her in and held her as tight as you could.

.

.

.

.

We’ll fly again tonight.

Whatever comes to might.

It’s going to be alright.

My Pale Blue Dot.”

[beazt]

2:07am: writes post about needing poetry prompts

3:39am: finishes a banger of a poem anyway with no prompt

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[ellies-cycling-notes]

Day 23: Warren Dunes to Chicago

Distance Covered: 82.82 miles

Total Time (including rests): 8:14 (8:07am-3:21pm {-1 hour from timezone difference})

Time spent riding: 6:44

Average Speed: 12.3 mph

Apples Eaten: 2 (honeycrisp - 7/10, zestar - 5/10)

LAST RIDE!!!!!! It's finally over. Most of the ride was actually kinda of a blur, cause I was rather focused on just finishing it. I've been wavering about whether or not I want the ride to be over, and now that it is, I'm just gonna say I'm really glad it's over. Of course, this does present the problem of what I do next year. For the last several years, once a summer I do some impressive bike ride/collection of bike rides, and I don't think I can really beat this one, and don't know if I even want to.

Most of the ride today was on bike trails. Some of them were less good than others, largely because I hadn't planned a route, so I was just following my route, and at times it planned the shortest route, not necessarily the best.

I only took 2 breaks, 30 miles and 60 miles in, which was easier to do because of how much of the ride was on trails. The second break was another lunch break at a Culver's, cause I was out of food, and I just wanted to eat something I knew I would be okay with. I ate a little too much, so I have a slight stomachache now that I'm writing this, but it didn't impact me much while I was riding.

Much of the ride was rather scenic, either right by Lake Michigan or through trails that could be counted as wooded, or at the very least non-urban. The trails were mostly well-paved and nice to ride on. There were quite a few people out and about, but very few actually got in my way.

Design Notes

I have a few notes on magic items on Cardcasting, "organized" in a bulleted list.

All substances, living and not, in the world of Cardcasting have a relationship to magic interacts with them. For most, it simply flows through them, or can interact with them manifested through spells. Some substances, especially living beings, tend to absorb magic from their surroundings, which is what lets spellcasters replenish spells. And some substances have a rejection to magic, either partially or completely.

The first important property of a substance with regards to magic is how well it contains it within itself. For example, a potion of healing is made using a liquid which conserves Create Soul magic very well. It still decays over time, but much more slowly than it might otherwise.

The second property is how well it gathers magic within itself. Most non-living substances do not really absorb magic on their own at all, and so they cannot be used for self-sustaining or self-replenishing magic items.

The last property is that of how well it accepts or rejects magic. Substances that reject magic can be used as anti-magic equipment.

I have more I could say about magic wands and mana stones, which are used to store magic from a spellcaster's deck so that they can use it at a time they want, but I'm running out of mental ability, so I'm not going to say more here.

This is all for today! It feels surreal, that this is my last real post. This post is shorter than I would've liked, but I got home and then just relaxed for a while, and so I ended up not writing anything for a bit. I'll be posting a masterpost tomorrow, as well as a post-ride debrief post even later than that, but apart from that, things are over. It's been fun, hope you enjoyed it!

Previous -- Today's Pics

[ninjago-happens-here]

_IN_A_O_ (chapter 1)

Ninbingo: Games

Zane would say that technically, their first time in Ninjago city was when they jumped off the Destiny's Bounty at night in order to stop Pythor's plans.

But Kai (respectfully) disagrees. They had spent more time in the sewers than on the streets. And it was at night!

Well, with the bounty...destroyed, the ninja had to look for a roof over their heads, and they could only trouble Cole's father for so long.

"I JUST WANNA KNOW, WHO ATE MY PUDDING CUP?" Jay shrieked at the motley crew. "Jay, come on, just give it a rest!"

"NO. I AM NOT LETTING IT GO THIS TIME." Jay huffed and aggresively pointed a spoon at everyone in the room, even Sensei Wu. "We are getting to the bottom of this, ninja, as one or more of you needs a reminder on HONESTY."

"Jay-"

"IT'S THE FOURTH TIME THIS WEEK-"

"Save your breath, me and lil Garmadon are gonna go get some groceries, we'll get you your pudding cups," Kai said, almost yawning as he slid off the couch having been accosted whilst procrastinating and playing games with Lloyd. It has been one of the rare times everyone was together too.

"Remember, it better be mango with those white jellies-"

"Nata De Coco."

"-the ones from Naspac, got it?"

Maybe it is supposed to be rare for everyone to be in the Brookstone's house. Either ways, Kai was high tailing it out of here with a little demon spawn before someone gets shut in the fridge again (Most likely Jay).

"C'mon Lloyd, let's leave these knuckleheads to their own devices," Kai feels Lloyd sliding a small hand into his larger, waiting one. Kai feels himself frown before shaking his head.

Lloyd had been... uncharacteristically quiet. Well, compared to his earlier days on the ship, and even before he got on board, Lloyd was loud, in your face, a 'Mwahahaha' demanding your attention. But since Garmadon left, Lloyd hasn't really initiated any talking, but has been initiating a lot of physical contact. Kai tousles with Lloyd's hair and smirks as Lloyd scowls, free hand batting away his hand before trying to smooth his hair down. Just wait til Lloyd's outgrown his bowl cut, Kai can't wait to have another sibling to bully into his little hair dressing simulator. Still, Kai feels the smile on his face lose its shine as he realises that Lloyd still wouldn't talk.

Looking through the Ninja's (read: Wu's) safe (which was fortunately found by the ninja), Kai pulled out the whole sum, doing some math in his head. Okay, maybe Nya worked the register back at the Smithy, but that doesn't mean Kai can't count money. However, due to the fact that Kai can count this whole sum means that they are running low on cash. You'd think that 5000 dollars should be enough as a rainy day check, but that's not factoring the fact that they have 7 people who are using these funds everyday. At the rate that they are buying groceries and later having to rent an apartment somewhere in the city, they would need to get jobs, fast.

A feminine shout startles Kai out of his thoughts as Lloyd keeps still.

Right.

To get groceries.

Standing ahead of the door, Kai checks that they had the necessary items before leaving. Keys (it's much easier to let themselves in then to call for one of the other occupants), Ez-link card (Jay convinced them all to get it for public transport since they would be remaining in Ninjago city for a while), Cash ($200 for a week should be fair, Kai's also bring more than what they need just in case), Stove and Windows (Kai hopes the others are smart enough to turn off the stove when the soup finishes, or at least won't distract Zane from doing so). All from a little strip of paper on the door, edited with Jay's handwriting.

"Well, looks like we're good to go, buddy," Kai says, putting Lloyd's ez link around his neck. He was just barely to tall to get to ride for free, a shame, really. (Kai ignores the bubbly sensation in his guts.) Meanwhile, the kid in question just scuffs his shoes against the door mat, tracing out imaginary patterns. Kai knows that pattern from anywhere. Lloyd was sulking.

"How about this: since we're too late for the Wet Market, we'll be going to the Pasar Malam close by. I'll get you Jamanakai sausages!" Lloyds eyes instantly light up. With grins on their faces, Kai lets the door shut behind him as they enter the main street from the detached house.

. . .

Really, they didn't need more food so soon. Cole's father already had ingredients in his kitchen, and the last time Zane and Kai tagged team the wet market (read: every morning at 5) had scored the household with several fish, vegetables, meat and starches for less than $50. Really, they could have added another $50 to last for a week, but any excuse to get out of the house is an excuse that Kai will gladly take. (Also, if they were sticking around the area, then the ninja need to befriend these hawkers and sellers. Regular discount, anyone?)

What they have run out though, are snacks. And really, well... Kai wants to spend time with his baby brother, okay? And he wants Lloyd to have a somewhat normal childhood before the green ninja training starts. (Kai ignores the voice in his head that tells him he didn't have a normal childhood either).

If the night markets were anything like the ones back home at Ignacia (and they should be, they travel around the continent as a seasonal kind of thing. Kai hopes to see one or two aunties who originates form ignacia and makes those wonderful Kweh Tutus-) then Lloyd should really enjoy himself with this night of fun.

. . .

Lloyd does not enjoy the Pasar Malam. It's too hot, too bright, too crowded, too loud, too-it smells too much. Feeling his lips tremble, Lloyd pulls then pinches Kai's forearm. It gets Kai's attention from haggling with a man over towels and thank FSM Kai gets it. He takes a stack of towels and pays the man $5 before bringing Lloyd to the end of the bazaar, being quieter and having less smells, less noise, less people (parents and their kids walking around, why couldn't Lloyd-) where Kai stops near a claw machine. Handing Lloyd a few coins (that adds up to 10 dollars!) Kai looked around shiftily before sighing.

"Okay kid, I know this is such a bad idea to leave you by yourself, especially what happened after I left you at the arcade- but I can't stay with you at the claw machine here, I need to get more snacks like potato wheels and bak kwa and what not." Kai then gestures to a young woman who's at the very end of the stalls. "That is Mimi, she'll keep an eye on you whilst I'm gone. Speaking of which, can you also look over our stuff?"

Lloyd nods, and Kai places his purchases on the candy machine. "Thanks kid. I'll be back with a Jamanakai sausage in no time."

All alone, Lloyd turns back to the candy machine. Observing the build, it was one of those mall machines where you press a button and the letters slowly stopped spinning from 1-4. The prize? Mentos. It really was only mentos, but mentos was candy, and well, you can never really have too much candy, can you?

15 minutes later, Kai returns with 2 sausages on a stick before dropping the food as he's gobsmacked at the amount of candy Lloyd managed to win. Sure, sometimes he messed up the timing and din't get the max 4, but other times he consistently hits the jack pot. Seeing opened but not finished candy wrappers, Kai deduces that Lloyd had already gotten into the sugar and- gods they are going to kill me.

"Kai Kai Kai Kai! Look at all the candy I won!" Lloyd bounced on his toes, quickly pulling Kai from his stupor. "That's... great kid. How about you, uh, lay off the sugar for a while? I got you-"

"Jamanakai sausages!!" Lloyd squealed excitedly. Whenever Darkley's had field trips (or Lloyd snuck away from the boarding school) he'd always take his chance to sneak food away, be it the candy shop or the meat stall. Raising a hand to Kai expectantly then giving a quick glance, Lloyd quickly bounded to another claw machine, this one with stuffed animals that he wasn't quite sure how to have a gurantee win yet, but he's willing to try. Kai dropped off a few more change besides Lloyd, then turns to look at an astonished Mimi. "Your kid is really something else, huh?"

"Yeah, you can say that again. Anyways, want some candy?" Kai asks, also looking at the little crowd of children that gathered around the candy machine, eyes transfixed. They jumped a little, having been asked so directly, before looking at each other. "...can we have some?"

"Mom said I can't," a young boy, 7 or 8, huffed. "Well, Lloyd can't have this much either." Kai reasoned. "When she comes around, you should ask her if you can have some because Lloyd really doesn't need this much.

A noise of protest was mufled by the sound of chewing. "C'mon Lloyd, it's all mentos anyways, you really don't need to have this much." Kai patronises.

Little by little, Lloyd's hard won candy disappears until maybe a quarter of the stash remains. It doesn't help that Lloyd had been trying and failing to get a snowy tiger from the claw machine, needing to get a refill from Mimi.

"I think the tiger's a lost cause," A boy around Lloyd's age said. He whips around, frustration curling around his lips. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, see how the tiger's pressed up against the glass? The claw can't reach that far. If I were you, I'd go for the whale."

"Then do it!" Passing the controls and a coin to the other boy, Lloyd sits back and watches shocked as the boy manages to get the 3 hooks around the whale, before dropping it into the chute. "Wh-how?"

"You want to get one that's easy to grab," The boy explained, hands opening the hatch and taking out the whale plush. "Here, he's yours."

"Wha- no, he's yours! You won him, right?"

"Yeah, but I used your money to do so. It should be yours. Besides, I have a lot of plushes already." The boy said, rubbing the back of his neck. Lloyd gracefully accepts the plush. "Are you like, some kind of arcade expert?"

"You can say so, yeah. Name's Nathan."

"My name is Lloyd G... do you want some candy?"

. . .

Kai returns with the final purchases of the night, before seeing Lloyd and another kid discuss enthusiastically about the latest issue of starfarer.

"You should really have paid me for babysitting those kids, Kai," Mimi started but was shut down quickly with a "those candies were payment".

"Cheapskate," she snorts, but Kai's already out of earshot.

"Lloyd! Hey buddy," Kai calls, and both of the kids turned around. "Great to see you made a friend! What's your name?"

"Nathan!" Both Lloyd and Nathan said. "Well, hi Nathan, sorry but Lloyd and I have to go now."

"Awww really? Kaiiiiiiiii."

"Sorry kiddo, but it's getting late and we need to buy a few more things," Kai started to gather up all of his purchases. "Do you have someone to pick you up Nathan?"

A small nod. Kai quickly scribbles down his number from a new pen onto a new notepad that he had bought. "Give this to your guardian and we can arrange for you guys to go play sometime."

"Okay," he said softly, before whispering something in Lloyd's ears. Kai narrows his eyes but ignores it in favour of packing up all of the items he'd picked up today.

And by packing, he meant fitting smaller plastic bags into the larger plastic bags. "Come on Lloyd."

Lloyd sighs and waves goodbye to Nathan until both him and Mimi were out of sight.

. . .

It was now around 6pm. (Had they really spent 2 hours at the Pasar Malam?) and Kai was praying that they avoid the evening rush at cold storage.

"Fruit, Drinks, Dairy...Pudding!" Kai muttered out loud before dragging Lloyd from the fruits section. "Hey kid, I need your help to find Jay's branded pudding. It's a very important job, okay?"

Lloyd was now back to quiet, but he began to diligently loo through the lower shelves.

Tugging on Kai's hand, he points to Jay's pudding at the second row from the bottom and Kai picks it up and places it into his trolley. Well, usually he'd have gone with a hand basket but the items from the bazaar were taking a toll on him, so shopping cart it was. Kai watches as Lloyd fiddles with the coin in the handles of the cart before signing and carrying him up, putting him in the cart. "Since you've been so good today, let's have some fun, shall we?"

Kai couldn't see Lloyd's face, but he bets his hair gel that Lloyd was smiling.

"Also, since you've been so helpful, you can pick out something from the refrigerated section."

Lloyd visibly brightens at this and looks overthe selection from his vantage point in the cart. He ponders for a few moments before pointing at...

"The juice box?" Peel fresh, berry mix. Not 'top 10 things Lloyd would select' for sure. Lloyd nods, saying a gentle 'yes', and Kai's heart does something weird. Zane probably would be affronted with the sugar in that thing, but it was a lot healthier than the other things Lloyd could have chosen.

On their (victory march) to check out, Lloyd keeps looking at the shelves, curiosity in his eyes. And maybe longing when they pass by the candy section, but Lloyd doesn't make any motions to indicate that he wants the candy.

"Hey, green bean, it's okay to want something, you know?" Kai said, breaking the silence between him and his little brother.

"...I already have a lot of candy," Lloyd states. Well. It is true, and Kai even said it to Lloyd himself.

"Still, it's a different kind of candy. Some variety wouldn't hurt." Lloyd bites his lip.

The cashier calls them over to indicate it's their turn when Lloyd asked Kai if he could grab some Kinder Eggs. Kai happily obliges, leaving Lloyd alone as the cashier scans the items.

As time went on, Lloyd got more and more nervous, hands tapping the top of the trolley than wringing themselves before going back to tapping again. The cashier was almost done and Lloyd didn't have the money to pay her, and oh now he was going to cause everyone else in line to wait- why couldn't he have just said nothing? Then Kai didn't have to leave him here-.

"Hey kid, loosen your grip, you might get hurt," the cashier lady said, which startled Lloyd as he did not notice his knuckles were starting to go white. "Trust me, these shopping carts are unsuspectingly sharp. I work here."

"W-what's it like working here?" Lloyd asks in a moment of confidence. Or desperation. Lloyd was anxious and he didn't know why (he knew why, it was the line- the people) and talking was helping to ground him, so he listened. "Well, retail is... a harsh job. Your... brother? Guardian?"

"Brother! He's name is Kai," Lloyd stated. "Well, he looks to be around my age and that's when many people start working, however, usually we start with 'lower' jobs, you know? Ones that don't pay too well or doesn't fit our diploma or those 'inbetween' jobs, you understand?"

Lloyd nods. His family were in a bit of an inbetween living situation, actually.

"Retail, being a cashier? It's nobody's dream job. I'm lucky that most of my customers are nice, but once or twice you get those kind of... mean people. And sometimes they make me want to quit. But it's honestly just a few bad eggs. Oh look, your brother's back."

Kai arrived, breathing a lot heavier. "Wow, I can't believe finding those chocolate eggs were so hard!"

The cashier picked them up and scanned them. "Your total is $14.75. And next time, maybe ask the cashier if they could help you find those snacks. They're usually around the check out area."

She gestured to a display of kinder eggs that Kai did not saw. Feeling his face heat up and Lloyd giggle, Kai tries to cover up his embarrassment by flirting with the cashier lady. She laughed, before gesturing him to get out so she could get to the next customer in line, before giving him a receipt with her number written on it. (Ignacians need to stick together!)

Kai and Lloyd left for home, arms burdened by objects but hearts considerably lighter.

. . .

Ninjago city was beautiful at night.

What was more beautiful however, was the people.

[elskamo]

It’s been a long but awesome day here, unfortunately I didn’t finish any of my writing to post tonight but I did manage to transfer some of the files off my old laptop onto my new one... even if it did take over an hour!

Hopefully I’ll finish and post Day 5 of Aleduncan Week soon but I thought I might share an excerpt that I have completed til then. I may potentially change the first part a little but otherwise this should be near the beginning of the finished drabble when it’s done:

Alejandro shot up in bed, panting heavily. His hands gripped the sheets so hard his knuckles turned white. His eyes darted around the room in panic, his mouth frantically gulping down air. Alejandro was in his bedroom, he was home, he was safe. Eventually he began to calm down, loosening his grip and feeling around for his phone. Squinting at the sudden light he checked the time and winced, 2:07am. It was early, really early, but he couldn’t be alone right now. He scrolled through his apps until he found the one he wanted, breathing a sigh of relief as he tapped out a message.

(Alehunkdro) What have I told you about staying up so late?

(Dunkie) Like I was gonna miss the Bloodbath movie marathon on tonight

(Dunkie) How come you’re still awake?

(Alehunkdro) I was just having trouble sleeping

(Dunkie) It happened again didn’t it?

(Dunkie) I’m coming over

(Alehunkdro) It’s the middle of the night!

(Alehunkdro) Go to bed, I’ll be fine

(Dunkie) I can’t hear you, I’m too busy sneaking out

(Dunkie) …love you x

[lyssismagical]

being alive

A Memoir Written For Class

TW: Depression, Dissociation, Graphic Depictions of Mental Illness

It’s 2:07am.

I’m sitting on the kitchen floor, tiles cold under me, eyes staring blankly at the reflective surface of the fridge, a blurry reflection staring back. There’s an empty glass by my feet, bare and goosebumped from the winter air. The tiles are blurred too, but there’s no tears in my eyes, everything always feels out of focus like I’m wearing a pair of glasses with the wrong prescription.

I stared at the girl in the silver reflection. Still a child, but far from it if you count the decades of pain stored in tired eyes.

She looked about as messy as I feel. A half-assed bun of probably greasy hair from having gone one too many days without a shower, strands of hair in every direction. Pimples on a pale face like mountains on a landscape. Picked at scabs leaving marks of dried blood. Dark circles beneath her eyes like someone has stepped all over her, leaving behind dark shoeprints and sunken skin. An emptiness behind dark eyes like an abyss hiding too much underneath for someone so young.

Her hands are shaking, just barely noticeably so.

This is dissociation, she says to me in the reflection, this is the answer to that question you’ve been asking yourself.

And I stare back at her, this reflection of a girl I don’t recognize, a person I don’t know, a pair of eyes, a window to the soul that isn’t mine.

I don’t know what to tell her.

Go to bed, she says, voice so far away.

She morphs into the girl I do know. The ten-year-old me with flowers in her hair and smile curving up her cheeks, eyes sparklingly bright. Skin endlessly clear with little freckles sprinkled over her nose and cheekbones, smile lines crinkling the corners of her eyes. She looks like the version of me I last remember seeing the world clearly as. She’s so wide-eyed and innocent to the world of truths she’ll face soon enough. She doesn’t need to think twice, doesn’t dwell on mistakes, doesn’t overanalyse every little word or action, doesn’t need extra motivation to crawl out of bed in the morning, doesn’t need to put effort into things like breathing or being in the simplest form. She laughs, clear and bell-like, so easy, so simple, for her. Sees the world as something beautiful still, picks dandelions and wears them in her hair with skirts down to her ankles and hair braided down her spine, dancing through fields of grass and giggling into the endless nights when it was a mystery to stay up so late.

I feel like I’ve let her down.

She would be upset to hear of who she’s become, who I am, if she knew, maybe things would be different, maybe there would’ve been a chance for a different outcome, a new scenario, a version of life where I didn’t exist and in my place, some version of that old me would be there.

She wouldn’t be sitting on the kitchen floor in the middle of the night, apologizing to a younger version of herself, world blurring and mind wandering far and wide to the darkest corners of the universe. She wouldn’t sit here like this.

I wonder what she would say to me.

Find the little joys, I think she’d say, focus on the parts you can, you can do anything, I believe in you.

But I don’t think it changes anything.

Why did you start to care? She’d ask, small and young and powerfully innocent in comparison. Why did you change to please others? Why did you stop listening to me? Why did you break our promise to stay young and sweet and wonderful forever? Why did you grow up? What changed?

I don’t think that changes anything either. It’s not like I can tell her the answers. She won’t ever know.

The refrigerator hums as though it understands just as well and the reflection blurs away.

It feels like I’ve had too much to drink.

This floaty, untethered, disconnected feeling is like being drunk except it’s not the warm, giggling, sleepy floating that comes with drinking, this is cold and quiet in a way that’s simply wrong.

Feeling drunk goes farther than just the floating. I’m forgetful to a scary extent. I lose trains of thought more often than I finish them, if I don’t write a to do list every day, things won’t be done, if I’m not reminded, I won’t eat or drink or shower. It’s a part that goes hand-in-hand with the dissociating, the forgetfulness.

I almost forget my old therapist’s name, sitting on the kitchen floor, spacing out.

Craig.

It’s a weird thing to be upset over. I panic for a few moments, searching my head for anything. A pivotal moment in my life deserves a clear memory, I think.

There are little things, like I remember the only chair I sat in and the only sweater I’d wear at the appointments. I remember the window behind his desk, books stacked everywhere. I think I remember him wearing neutral-colored cardigans, but even that’s a little spotty.

I remember two conversations I had with him out of the six hours I spent in that room.

One was when he was asking me questions to determine a diagnosis. He asked me if I had a history of toxic relationships. I said yes, still reeling in the aftermath of Jesse and Dakota and Zachary.

I remember telling him 27 in response to him asking if I’d done anything since the last time I’d seen him.

Craig.

I try to log it away, knowing it’s bad that I nearly couldn’t remember, but it’s fruitless. My head’s too far away to catch, I haven’t felt real and connected in years.

I feel like cough syrup, I send to my friends. It doesn’t make sense, it doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of the way I feel, sitting on cold tiles and staring into eyes that I can’t remember or recognize.

It’s a scene in a TV show that none of them have seen, they can’t understand. They don’t.

Okay?? They reply, confused and uncertain by what I mean and what I’m trying to do. What’s up?

I don’t reply. I’ll tell them I didn’t see the text in the morning. It’s easier than trying to remember.

Blurry.

Empty. Floating. Untethered. Blurry. Disappearing. Not Real. Fuzzy. Blurry. Gone. Blurry.

I don’t know.

Things are complicated. It’s impossible to explain exactly what it’s like to be in this headspace, to dissociate to this level for so long, it’s hard to remember how everyone else sees the world let alone being able to discern the differences.

It’s like waking up in a body that isn’t yours and trying to learn the ways of this person that doesn’t feel like you or talk like you or live like you. Every step feels like so much effort, like you have to think about every muscle in your body and concentrate to make sure they do as you want them to. Every breath is like running a marathon, reminding yourself to breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out.

It’s like dreaming. Everything around you is fake, nothing has consequences, you’ll wake up soon enough, you’re sure of it.

It’s like being drunk constantly.

It’s like being a ghost. Invisible, floating, untethered from the real world, on the outside looking in.

It’s just the way it is.

It’s a part of me, this blurry filter, this untethered mind, this floating soul.

It just is.

Presently, I drag myself up to my feet.

It’s 4:29am.

Another night gone.

[scullymurphy]

Distance Makes the Heart Emoji Grow Stronger

Written as part of a Terrible Tropes drunk drabble with @grangerdangerfics​ @provocative-envy​​ and @pacific-rimbaud​​  

Pairing: Lavender Brown x Charlie Weasley

Rated: G 

571 words, countless emojis

Terrible Trope: Long Distance Relationship! 

Tags/Summary: Told entirely in texts. Lav is bored. Charlie is a Lepidopterist.

August 3rd

9:41 am LavenderRose79: Babe

9:42 am LavenderRose79: Babe?

9:43am LavenderRose79: Babe...

9:44am LavenderRose79: Okayyyyy. u must be busy with the 🦋🦋

10:01am LavenderRose79: My boss is such a dick. He fucking 🚩🚩 YELLED 🚩🚩 at me for being a little bit late. Like whatever, no one’s coming in to a funeral parlor at 9 in the morning or even 9:30. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 

10:05am LavenderRose79: Im bored. 

10:06 LavenderRose79: What are u doing? 

10:07am LavenderRose79: OMG I can’t wait to come visit you!!! 48 days, 10 hours some minutes! I am so excited for Palawaaaannnnn baby! Can we get a glass floor hotel room?

12:01pm LavenderRose79: Lunch yay! 🥪 I’m getting my acrylic touched up 💅🏿 so if I don’t respond for a few minutes that’s why! LOVE U 💖💖 KISSESSS. 💋 MiSS U! 

1:01pm LavenderRose79: I’m like so bored. 🥱🥱  Working sux. 😤 🤮

1:03pm LavenderRose79: So if u had to rank all the colors in the 🌈 what would u put? Mine would be purple blue yellow red orange and (ew) gr...

1:07pm LavenderRose79: Omfg this guy just fucking got in my face. It’s not disrespectful to want to finish ur text, god. Wish u were here to kick his azz for me.

1:08pm LavenderRose79: People are supposed to be sad at funeral parlors, not dicks!! 

2:10pm LavenderRose79: I hate working here. Dead people yuck! 👻🧟‍♀️ I’m gonna apply at Applebees I think. Parvati told me the tips are so good. Would be so much moar fun 2 study butterflys like uuuuu. 

2:55pm LavenderRose79: Whats ur fave 🦋? I know u told me but i forgot.

3:07pm LavenderRose79: I love how strong u are.💪💪💪 When i see u will u bench press me again?

3:42pm LavenderRose79: Ugh i think i just snagged another nail. Fuck. 

4:16pm LavenderRose79: Bored bored bored bored. 😾😾 Filing sux. What do u do with the Mc’s? That’s not even in the alphabet. 

4:18pm LavenderRose79: The girl who works here. The daughter of the owner. is. so. weird. 👽 Someone needs to inform her about tanning beds. 

4:47pm LavenderRose79: Would u ever go on a hot air balloon? I wouldn’t too scarrryyyyy

4:55pm LavenderRose79: Yessss time to go home. Meeting Parvati at the bee for an appletini. 🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸She gets the emp discount and it’s 2-4-1 ladies night! 🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸🍸So if i’m slow to respond thats whyyyyyyyy. Don’t worry I will never look at another guy but U evn if he’s hot. 🤭

5:01pm LavenderRose79: Omg i feel bad for even writing that last text. Forget u saw it. I love u and I would never disrespect u!!! 😭😭😭🤟🤟🤟

7:09pm LavenderRose79: Babe

8:15pm LavenderRose79: Babe ihave to tell u this joke parvati said. Omg im dying.

9:03pm LavenderRose79: Babe i lovu

10:01pm LavenderRose79: Oof probably should not have had 5. Fell over. That’s gonna bruise. Gnight! Liv u. 💜💙💛❤️🧡💚 grn still fug ew!

August 4th

11:00pm ChaztheButterflyGuy72: Hey babe! 

11:01pm ChaztheButterflyGuy72: Remember what I told u about the timezone! 15 hours ahead! U gotta text later at night!

11:03pm ChaztheButterflyGuy72: Green blue orange yellow red purple

11:04pm ChaztheButterflyGuy72: Blue Morpho cuz it reminds me of ur eyes

11:05pm ChaztheButterflyGuy72: Fuck no. Air balloons. Fuck. SMDH. 

11:06pm ChaztheButterflyGuy72: Can’t wait 2 see u 2

[ficswithrimi]

Golden (Final Chapter Pt. 1)

First Chapter: Chapter 1

Last Chapter: Chapter 13

Next Chapter: Final Chapter Pt. 2

Wanna talk to Golden and get to know him or expose him? Then follow @goldenrecs!

A/N: WE’VE FINALLY ARRIVED TO THE FINAL CHAPTER OF GOLDEN! Unfortunately, it was getting waaay too long so I have to split it in two parts. I’ll give my sap, emotional author’s note on the second part. Speaking off, the second part should be up within a week or two! Please enjoy the first part of the last chapter of Golden! Please tell me your thoughts! It makes me happy~ OH! And for the almost last time, please listen to this~ 

                                                             ~!~

Jungkook’s POV

“Good morning! This is Wendy reporting outside of the Language Hall’s auditorium where just an hour from now, the creative writing final exam will start! It is expected that our school’s biggest mystery, Golden, will reveal himself to the world or, er, his classmates,” the reporter giggled nervously at her slipup. Shaking her head, she directed the cameraman to pan the camera to the crowd of students awaiting outside of the auditorium doors. No one could tell who was actually in the class and who was just there to see Golden. There were signs with various names of who they assumed was Golden, girls and guys dressed up as if Golden was going to propose to them after their reveal, and just curious passersby.

           “Yes, it is 7am and in half an hour, the doors to the auditorium will open to allow those taking the final in,” Wendy grinned in the camera as it panned back to her. Shifting her eyes to a random student waiting in the massive line, she motioned the cameraman to follow her. “Ah yes, here we have a fan of Golden waiting anxiously to see his-“

           “I’m here for my final.” The female student cut the young reporter off. Wendy’s eyes widened briefly before letting out a forced chuckle.

           “Of course, you are! But Golden will be revealing himself in your final today! Aren’t you excited-“

           “I just want a decent grade.” The girl said in a matter-of-fact tone.

           The fake smile on Wendy’s face fell as she glared slightly at the woman. The cameraman cleared his throat to try to get the reporter to return to acting professional. However, the woman didn’t seem to understand the gesture. “So, why are you here so early then, huh?”

           The student dramatically looked behind her at the crowd of students and even faculty that was still growing before exasperatedly swinging her arms open. “I dunno, maybe because I’d like to be able to actually get inside? Listen, I think you all are crazy bitc-“

Wendy immediately whipped around to face the camera to cut off the woman’s words, her hair smacking the student behind her in the process. “Okay! We will cut to the weather forecast for the week and come back here later!”

           Jungkook ran his fingers through his hair as he clicked off his phone. This was going to be a long day – he already expected it. Not only would he have to sit through 200 students presenting their blog to the class and the professor, but he would have to deal with the campus afterwards obsessing over him. Namjoon told him that maybe it would blow over when everyone came back in the new year after the holiday break, however, Jungkook had an unsettling feeling it wouldn’t be that easy. Sure, maybe it’d die down a little, but he was a big deal. People outside of the university knew about him and his blog.

           He had all of this to worry about and his nerves. Jungkook was nothing like Golden in the outside world. He was a shy guy who tried to avoid human contact with others as much as possible. That’s why he strolled around campus with his AirPods stuffed in his ears. Just thinking about over half of the university knowing him gave him slight anxiety. However, what worried him the most was Y/N. Today – in like an hour or whenever he got up to present – she would know that the guy she crushed on was him. She’d know that he was the one who casually flirted with her online and secretly dedicated songs to her. She’d know how Golden has been by her side this entire semester – right under her nose. But, along with knowing who he was, she’d know he was the reason why she received so much hate on her blog that she deleted. The reason why her and her best friend got into a fight. Why she was confused about Taehyung. That he -Golden - was the reason for all her stress this semester.

           Would the 19-year-old hate him? Jungkook worried about this the most. He really liked Y/N. And he hoped that the same feelings she developed for Golden could be passed onto him. They were technically the same person, right? Would Y/N also see it that way? Shaking his head, Jungkook glanced at the time on his watch. 7:07am. Letting out a sigh, he stood up from the table in the school’s dining hall. He guess he’d better start making his way towards class.

~!~

Chloe’s POV

           “The fuck…?” Chloe frowned as she looked in front of her at the long line of people coming from the Language Hall building where her creating writing class was. She knew the class held about 200 students and those who’ve skipped almost the entirety of the semester – such as herself – would appear today, but Chloe knew all these people weren’t in her class. Especially since the university’s news team was reporting and casually walking up to certain students in line to, what she assumed, interview them.

           Just the sight of the reporters and the people made the woman want to turn on her heel and head straight back to her dorm to sleep. However, she knew she had to be here to support her best friend and whatever she was going to present to the class for her blog. That and Chloe kind of needed to pass the class. Also, she was curious as to how Jungkook would reveal himself to the world or whatever. So, she couldn’t leave.

           Y/N didn’t return from the dance studio last night, so she was expecting whatever the sophomore was planning for her blog to be epic. She didn’t have any doubts. Y/N was a phenomenal dancer and if she was incorporating that into her blog, then Chloe knew she would pass. She hoped. She prayed.

           “Wow,” Chloe jumped slightly as a deep voice let out a low whistle from beside her. Her eyes almost jumped out of their sockets at the sight of Namjoon standing beside her casually, hands stuffed in his pockets, and looking at the crowd.

           “W-what are you doing here?” Chloe felt her face heating up from him standing beside her. She hasn’t talked to him since she admitted to him about her blog and how he told her he wasn’t mad about it. “Oh, are you looking for Y/N? I don’t think she’s here yet.”

           “Actually,” Namjoon turned and looked down at the shorter girl with a small smile plastered on his lips. If Chloe was blushing before, she was definitely blushing now. “I was looking for you.”

           “F-funny. Usually it’s me who’s looking for you,” she nervously chuckled as she try to look anywhere but him.

           “Yeah,” he also let out a chuckle that Chloe swear made her heart beat a bit faster. “Just wanted to wish you good luck on your presentation.”

           “Eh,” Chloe shrugged. “It’s not really my presentation I’m worried about but thanks.”

“So, uh, I should probably start heading to my exam now,” Namjoon said as he glanced back towards the crowd. “They really… got the news team out here…”

“Golden’s finally going to end. I bet he’s happy…”

Namjoon chuckled again at this. “More like nervous… but… he has nothing to worry about, right?”

Chloe looked up at Namjoon’s questioning arched brow at her. She already knew what he meant by that. She grinned at the senior. “Nothing at all! Well, I should probably get in line for my class. Wow… I really have to wait in a line for my final.”

“Hm, okay. See you around!” Namjoon nodded at her as the girl gave him one last grin before turning around to walk away. However, before she could get too far, she felt a hand grab hers and pull her back slightly.

           “What is it?” She arched a brow at him as Namjoon removed his other hand from his pocket. Flipping Chloe’s hand around, he placed a flash drive into her palm and wrapped her fingers around it.

           “You should make an edit to your last blog post,” Namjoon simply said before letting go of the girl’s hand and turned to walk away. Chloe stood there confused as she looked at the black flash drive in her hand. What did he just give her? Did he really give her a flash drive as a good luck gift for her final? And what did he mean by her last blog post? Suddenly remembering what her post was about, her eyes widened as she looked back up at his retreating figure. Smiling softly, she carefully shoved it into her pocket and whipped out her phone as she began walking towards the line of students.

           Bitchhhhhhh, guess what just happened! Also, wtf r u? There’s a line outside of CW.

~!~

Your POV

           “One and two and three and four and one and done!” Hoseok shouted over the music as your chest heaved heavily as you held your ending pose. The senior immediately started clapping excitedly as a wide grinned brightened his face. Meanwhile, you fell to the ground trying to catch your breath. You had been up all night choreographing a dance to present for your blog. Then, you had to make sure it was almost perfect as if you hadn’t just thought about it a couple of hours ago. After leaving your dorm last night, you had texted both Jimin and Hoseok to ask them with the recording and to give out any pointers. Jimin couldn’t come because of two finals he had later in the day, but Hoseok, who was finished with his finals for the week, arrived at the studio around 4:30am. By then, you had made up a dance and he helped you with some parts but mostly said how it was a beautiful dance and different from your usual style. You knew it had to of have been decent since Hoseok was the school’s dance team captain and has won dance competitions throughout his life. Getting his approval meant a lot.

           “I could feel the emotion through each move! Everyone’s going to love it, Y/N!” Hoseok walked over to you and handed you a bottle of water. Sitting up and grabbing the water, you chugged it down before standing up.

           “Thanks! Now I just have to do some slight edits and upload to my blog!” You smiled at the man. However, he didn’t return your smile and, instead, glanced at the clock on the wall.

           “Uh… doesn’t your final start at 8?”

           “Yeah, why?” You asked as you followed his gaze to the clock. Immediately your eyes widened. 7:52. Panicking, you ran over to your phone that Hoseok had used to record your dance. You forgot you had turned on do not disturb so you wouldn’t be interrupted in the studio. Looking at your notifications, you saw you had several missed calls and messages from Chloe, Jimin, and even a message from Taehyung. Grabbing your bag, you dashed out of the studio door, only managing to give Hoseok a quick wave in the process.

           “Good luck!” Hoseok called out.

           You frantically tried to balance your bag on your shoulder and trim your dance video as you ran past the information desk. There was no way you were going to make it to the final on time. First off, you were sweaty and gross from dancing throughout the night. You had to go back to your dorm and shower first. Sitting in a three-hour final covered in sweat and surrounded by the stench of your B.O. just didn’t sound pleasant to you.

           “Y/N!” You stopped briefly as Hannah, the receptionist and your friend, called out to you.

           “Can’t talk! Gonna be late for my final!” You waved to her as you continued to head towards the door.

           “I know! Good luck with Golden! I’m sure he’ll like you no matter what!” She shouted. Your heart pounded at the thought of Golden – Jungkook. Today was it. Not only was he going to reveal himself to the school, but you were going to reveal your feelings for him in front of the school. Now, there was a strong possibility that Jungkook didn’t return your feelings and you’d be embarrassed for the rest of your college career. However, you held out hope that maybe – just maybe – the freshman held similar feelings. He blushed around you a lot and was quiet, but you always assumed that was because he was just shy. Chloe did hint several times that he may have feelings for you, but it was Chloe you were talking about. At the beginning of the semester, she thought every guy she landed her eyes on in CW was Golden.

           Speaking of being shy, how was he going to reveal himself? Online, Jungkook had this outgoing, sassy personality. Offline, however, he kept to himself when not around his close friends with his AirPods stuffed in his ears. You were kind of expecting for the 18-year-old to get on the stage, do a slight wave to the class, and casually be all, “Hi, my name is Jungkook and I’m Golden. The end.” Would people believe such a laidback, unoriginal reveal? You had no clue, but you were sure once they saw his blog, they probably would. Or maybe he’d go all out. He’ll start dancing to one of the songs he covered on his blog. Maybe he’d dance to his recent cover of Paper Hearts? You kind of hoped he wouldn’t. Whatever it was, you just knew you’d have to hurry and get changed and run to class. It was bad enough you were going to be late as is.

           As you jogged down the sidewalk towards your dorm, you felt your phone buzz in your hand. It was probably Chloe again asking where you were. Apparently, there was a line just to get in your final. Not giving it a second thought, you lifted your phone up to glance at it only to temporarily halt in your tracks as it wasn’t a text from Chloe, but an anonymous message sent to your blog. That was weird. Your blog was made mere hours ago. Who could’ve found you already? Beginning to walk again, you opened the message.

           Anon: new blog or not, when Golden reveals himself today, it’ll be ME he’ll dedicate songs to and not you. C u l8r “dancercookies”

           Your heart sunk a bit at the message. One thing you thought you escaped when you deleted your old blog was the anon hate you got just by simply knowing Jungkook. How did this person find you? You were pretty sure Jungkook didn’t know of your new blog. He, just like everyone else besides Chloe and Jimin, were unaware of your resurrected blog. And on top of that, it was one of the Golden fans who saw him as an idol or something and wanted to confess their love for him after the reveal. Shaking the thoughts from your head, your eyes glanced towards the time on your phone. 7:58. Panic setting in again, you shoved your phone inside your pocket and jogged towards your dorm again. There was no way you were going to be on time. It just wasn’t a way around it.

~!~

           Chloe’s POV

           Chloe tapped her foot impatiently as she kept looking behind her to see if she could spot her short best friend anywhere in the line of people. However, all she saw were tired, excited, and annoyed students that seemed to stretch on for miles. Okay, miles was a little exaggerating, but the line was long. The doors to the auditorium would be opening at any minute and Chloe just knew she’d have to jab and elbow her way through the rush of students. Walking in an orderly fashion seemed to be the last thing on everyone’s minds. Besides the MIA Y/N, Golden himself was nowhere to be spotted amongst the crowd. Jungkook was kind of tall but so were a lot of the other guys who stood in the line. Frowning, Chloe let out a huff while crossing her arms and turning back to face the person in front of her. Trying to get an estimate of how many people she’d have to fight through, the blonde girl’s eyes landed on Wendy, the school’s main news reporter, and her camera guy behind her. The junior seemed to be interviewing another student. Poking her head farther out from behind the person in front of her, she tried to get a better view of the interviewee. Instantly, her eyes widened in surprise at the sight of the woman before a small fire sparked in them. It was no one other than Seulgi. Seulgi… the woman who has been harassing Y/N since Golden started noticing her on his blog. The woman who told Namjoon about her blog. How she even knew about Chloe’s blog surprised her but all of that didn’t matter.

           Chloe stepped away from the line and started her way towards the three people. Originally, Chloe had hoped karma would come along and take care of Seulgi, but the opportunity to set her straight was knocking at her door. And who would Chloe be not to answer it? Just as she was in hearing distance of them, she felt someone wrap their hand around her wrist as they pulled her back towards the line.

           “What the hell – oh – oh! It’s you!” Chloe’s eyes widened at the man who had now let go of her wrist. “I don’t have time to talk to you, Taehyung, I have business to take care of-“

           “Where’s Y/N?” Taehyung asked the blonde woman, ignoring her rambling about putting Seulgi or whoever in her place. At hearing the woman’s name, however, Chloe stopped talking and arched a brow.

           “You’re still caught up on her? Listen, Tae, can I call you Tae-“

           “No-“

           “Y/N doesn’t have feelings for you. I thought that’s what ya’ll talked about yesterday?”

           “Chloe, listen-“

           “Also, you being Vmusic95? I knew it. You never gave me a Golden vibe-“

           “Y/N needs to be here on time!” Taehyung suddenly shouted, causing a few students to stop chattering and turn their attention to the two. Even Wendy had stopped conducting her interview with Seulgi to turn and look. Seulgi leaned forward to also see what the commotion was. Her mistake. Chloe’s eyes immediately locked onto the brown-haired woman and Seulgi swore she was snarling a bit at her. Turning away from Seulgi, Chloe looked back towards Taehyung.

           “Duh, it’s our final but why exactly do you care after she dumped you?”

           Taehyung smacked his face at Chloe’s blunt question. The woman really didn’t have a filter. “It’s for Jung-“

           “Ah, Taehyung! Or Vmusic95, am I correct?” Wendy suddenly popped over to the pair. The cameraman shoved his camera into Chloe’s face much to the girl’s annoyance. She eyed the man up and down before pushing the camera away from her with her hand, earning a “hey” from the man in the process.

           “Uh… yeah…” Taehyung said nervously as Wendy grinned in his face.

           “How does it feel being the inferior blog to Golden!? Even to the point that the Cinderella of this fiasco, Y/N, chose Golden over you?”

           “Uh…” Taehyung’s face turned red as he looked away from the peering camera. His eyes contacted the surrounding students around him who were awaiting his answer before looking towards the ground. Chloe arched a brow at the man’s sudden behavior. She’d only known Taehyung a couple of months and only hung out a couple of times, but she knew he was rarely shy. He was always babbling about something and had this goofy box-like grin plastered on his face. Y/N… must’ve really broken his heart and yet, here he was, trying to see that Y/N and Jungkook were happy. He even exposed himself yesterday so, what Chloe assumed, Y/N could have final confirmation that he wasn’t Golden, and it was Jungkook – the man Y/N liked. Anyone with eyes could tell the girl had feelings for the 18-year-old. Anyone could tell Jungkook had feelings for her. Except, well, maybe Y/N.

           Taehyung was obviously still hurting, and Wendy and her team weren’t making it any better. Sucking her teeth, Chloe stood in front of Taehyung, trying her best to cover him from the camera. She didn’t care for Taehyung that much still, but she wasn’t going to let this reporter make him feel worse than he already did.

           “His blog wasn’t inferior, Wendy. It was nearly as popular as Golden’s. Just because he didn’t entertain anons like Golden did all the time didn’t make his blog any less. I was a fan of his blog and at least he had the balls to reveal himself and not lead people on until the last minute-“

           “Uh…” Chloe’s ears perked up at the sound of Jungkook’s voice behind her. Everyone turned their attention to the freshman who had suddenly appeared, bookbag hanging off one shoulder and orange juice bottle occupying his left hand. The girl cleared her throat from getting caught about talking about Jungkook and turned her attention back to Wendy.

           “So… leave him alone… why don’t you uh… interview Jungkook, here?” Chloe laughed nervously only to earn a look from both Jungkook and Taehyung.  “He’s a freshman and-“

           Wendy put her hand up to Chloe’s mouth to stop her from talking as she eyed Jungkook up and down before rolling her eyes. “Cute but he doesn’t seem interesting enough to interview. C’mon Taeyong, let’s go see who else we can find. Thanks for your time, Taehyung… Chloe.”

           Chloe threw a glare at Wendy as she scampered off before turning her attention back to Jungkook who was now standing with her and Taehyung. “I didn’t mean what I said earlier. I mean, I did but-“

           “Just try not to say anything else regarding that before the final, please,” Jungkook let out a heavy sigh at how Chloe almost exposed him for the nth time.

           “Thanks… for what you said, Chloe…” Taehyung smiled sadly at the woman. She just shrugged before slapping him unexpectedly on his back. “We’re gonna be family one day so I gotta lookout for you, ya know?”

           “Family?” Taehyung and Jungkook asked simultaneously. Chloe just waved it off.

           “So, Y/N’s not with you?” Chloe asked Jungkook as she tried looking past him.

           “No... she’s not here already?” His eyes widened. Taehyung shook his head at Jungkook.

           “Don’t worry, she’ll be here before they let-“

           “Attention students of Creative Writing only!” A voice said over the building’s intercom. The once noisy line immediately hushed to listen to the announcement. “The doors will be opening now to begin the Creative Writing final. You will be asked to provide your full name to ensure you are a student of this class. Thank you and we hope you do well!”

           Just as the announcement ended, the line began to disperse as hordes of people began to make their way forward towards the door. Meanwhile, Jungkook, Chloe, and Taehyung’s eyes widened in fear as only one thought came to their heads.

           Y/N was gonna miss the final.

~!~

Your POV

           “You know, you may not have as great of a RA when I leave next year.”

           “Yeah, can you-“

           “Like you could get someone who drags you outta your room to make sure you go to the floor meetings.”

           “Jackson-“

           “What if they make you call them RA whatever-their-name-will-be? Or no communicating with the other floors? You just don’t know how lucky you’ve had it with me, Y/N. What RA will be as sexy and cool as me? Who will help you with your friendship problems-“

           “Jackson! Can you just open the damn door?!” You shouted at the senior who was rambling on as he fiddled with the lock on your door. After noticing the time at the studio, you had rushed out of the studio while forgetting your room key. You had texted Hoseok in hopes he’d bring you the key, but you knew he wouldn’t reach your dorm in time. You had to still get ready and upload the video to your blog. Time didn’t permit you to be any later than you already were. So – to your annoyance – that led you to turning to Jackson to unlock your door for you. It took him a while to find the master key and to “pass time,” as he said, he began talking about how he’s graduating next semester and how he’d be the greatest RA you’d have in college. This, of course, made you roll your eyes hard.

           Just as you had said that, the lock clicked open and Jackson pushed open the door. Turning to you, he gave you his infamous puppy dog eyes. “You don’t have to be so mean…”

           Ignoring his look, you rushed past him, said a quick thanks, and slammed your door. There were so many things you had to do that you didn’t even know where to start. Should you upload the video first? Or shower? Maybe find something to wear first? Your eyes scanned your shared room as if they would land on something that would give you an answer. However, it didn’t give you an answer and caused your stomach to twist into tight knots as you saw the time on the digital clock beside Chloe’s bed. 8:13.

           “Fuck…” You cursed under your breath. Inhaling deeply to clear your mind somewhat, you decided to upload your video to your blog and while it was uploading, you’d shower quickly. The final was going to take a while, you told yourself. There were 200 students in the class. It’d be a three-hour final – tops. You didn’t want to miss Chloe’s presentation, however. Or Jungkook’s. Hell, you definitely didn’t want to miss yours. You came too far to settle for a failing grade now. Ruffling your hair out of frustration, you logged into your blog and began to upload your dance. Tossing your phone on your bed, you ran to the bathroom to get ready.

 ~!~

Jungkook’s POV

           Where was she? She wasn’t going to skip out on the final, right? She wouldn’t. Chloe had told him and Taehyung that she had come up with an idea for her blog late last night. Was she still doing whatever it was she had decided? She did know what time it was, didn’t she? What if she was sleeping somewhere and didn’t hear her phone’s alarm or something? All these thoughts crossed Jungkook’s mind as more and more students got up to present their blogs and time moved on. It would be easy for the dancer to miss her presentation as, since there were so many students who had to present, the professor only allowed for a 2-4-minute timeframe. No one could go over. She made sure of that as she kept a stopwatch in her hand. One guy had gone about two seconds over and she immediately interrupted him.

           Missing her own presentation wasn’t the only thing Jungkook was thinking about. He worried about her missing his own presentation. The presentation that had students on the edge of their seats which each name the professor called to the front. Wendy and several other reporters who weren’t outside previously were in the usually spacious – now cramped – auditorium. Jungkook wasn’t even sure some of them belonged to the school’s news team which made the 18-year-old more nervous than what he already was. Whenever the presenter began to speak, he could hear the reporters whispering things like, “get your camera ready,” or “this is the one, I can feel it.” Of course, they were wrong.

           Y/N had to make it on time for his presentation. He worked so hard for this day. The times he almost got outed by her best friend – Jungkook eyed Chloe who had her bag in an empty chair between them, reserved for Y/N – to having to deal with the obsessed anons. Most importantly, however, with his reveal, Y/N would know not only who he was but also his feelings for her. Jungkook liked Y/N and he didn’t want to risk missing his chance again like he almost did before. The man glanced over at Taehyung who was listening intently to the current presenter. Jungkook didn’t know what happened when he and Y/N met up the other night. All he knew was that Taehyung was not his usual cheery self afterwards and he even revealed his music blog. He wouldn’t tell Jungkook why but he kind of guessed his reason behind doing so.

           “Uh, thanks Jaebum for your presentation on different breeds of small dogs…” The professor said. Marking something down for what was assumed to be Jaebum, she moved her pencil down her list of students. Jungkook could audibly hear everyone hitch their breaths as they had no idea as to who she would call next. To make the presentations more spontaneous – her exact words – she was calling everyone in a randomized order. “Hm… Choi Chloe?”

           “Fuck,” Jungkook heard the blonde woman grumble under her breath as she stood up and shoved her phone her back pocket. As she squeezed past Jungkook, she looked down at him and winked, which made him nervous. What was she about to do? He knew about her Namjoon blog after the senior had told him and the other guys. Specifically, he asked how he responded to her weird, indirect confession. Yoongi had given Namjoon an idea. Jungkook wondered if the man went through with it or not. Jimin had told him he could do better than Chloe jokingly. Namjoon didn’t think it was funny.

           Jungkook sat up in his chair as Chloe strutted towards the stage, stopping briefly at the professor’s desk to identify herself as present. She walked over to the cord that was connected to the large screen in the auditorium to connect her phone. Those who wanted everyone to see their blog connected their phones to the screen while others verbally explained their blog while having the professor look at it from her phone. Before Chloe turned on her phone to show her blog to the class – and the entire school thanks to the reporters – she took a deep breath and turned around on her heel. She gave a nervous smile and brushed her hair that hung in her face away from her eyes.

           “Hello… I’m Chloe… and,” She inhaled and let out a shaky breath. Jungkook was confused as to why she was nervous to present. She was so nonchalant about it before. According to Y/N, she barely even came to the class. Everyone else began to chatter amongst themselves in confusion as she took the time to calm her nerves.

           “I’m Golden.”

           Jungkook’s mouth fell open – assumingly with the rest of the auditorium – at Chloe’s words. Someone yelled out a prolonged “what” while the rest of the room began to chatter excitedly. The reporters turned to their cameras and started reports on how, “with an unexpected twist, Golden turns out to be student Chloe Choi.”

           “What’s she doing?” Taehyung tapped Jungkook’s arm as he continued to stare at the woman in shock. His mind was blank. What was she doing? As he continued to stare at the girl and the professor tried to get everyone to settle down, Chloe let out a loud laugh while holding her stomach.

           “God, you guys act like a celebrity just walked in or something,” She laughed as she tried to regain her breath. After regaining her composure, she turned on her phone to reveal her real blog titled “Falling in Love with a Senior That Will Be Graduating Next Year: The Sad Story of Chloe M.”

           “Ahem,” Chloe cleared her throat to regain everyone’s – now irritated – attention. The news reporters were desperately trying to retract their previous report. “My blog actually was about my feelings for someone who means a lot to me. This blog was presented in a humorous manner, but everything said within it was true. As you can see, I joke around a lot, which annoys a lot of people.”

           “No shit,” someone yelled out which caused a couple of laughs from the audience. Chloe smirked to hide her smile.

           “Anyways, I stupidly wrote about my feelings about this guy for the world to see and eventually he saw it himself. I thought I ruined everything between us because he’s really this chill kind of guy and,” Chloe blushed as she thought of, who Jungkook was assuming, Namjoon. “I really like him… and so… yeah… I dedicated this blog to him and that was my blog for the semester.”

           Jungkook looked around as no one seemed to applaud the woman for her presentation. Taehyung clapped silently but not loud enough to reach the front of the stage. Noticing no one applauded her, Chloe sucked her teeth in response. “Whatever. I hope what ya’ll are waiting for won’t be a disappointment.”

           Jungkook frowned at her words as he watched her gather her phone and get off the stage. This was the second time today she’s indirectly insulted him.

           “Uh, thanks… Chloe… let’s see…”

           Chloe smirked at Jungkook as she returned to her seat. Jungkook just rolled his eyes at her as he turned his attention back to the professor. His mind drifted back to Y/N, however, as he checked the time on his phone. 8:57. Was she really not coming? The more time went on and people presented, the more nervous Jungkook felt. At any moment he could be call.

           “Who’s next…?”

           It would break his heart for her to miss his reveal. She’d end up like the other students on campus who didn’t take creative writing – finding out he was Golden on the news broadcast. Probably on a rerun, too, since they were recording live.

           “Jeon Jungkook?”

           Jungkook didn’t even notice how the auditorium quieted down again as the professor said the next name to present. He snapped out of his thoughts, however, when both Taehyung and Chloe nudged him. He stared doe-eyed at the stage as he heard Taehyung whisper out that he was next. He couldn’t be, right? Maybe they misheard. He couldn’t present yet. He wasn’t ready. Y/N wasn’t here yet.

           “Is Jeon Jungkook present? Going once…”

           “Go, bro,” Chloe slapped his arm. “She’ll be here in time!”

           “Yeah, Kookie. Maybe it’s like one of those romance movies where she suddenly busts through the doors just as you… present,” Taehyung chose his words carefully as other students seemed to identify Jungkook’s name to his face and turned to arch brows and confused faces at him.

           “Going twice…”

           “Ugh, if the freshman isn’t gonna go, I will,” the voice of Seulgi could be heard from the back of the auditorium.

           “Can you just go so you can finally shut that bit-“

           “Chloe,” Taehyung frowned at her. She just shrugged and sat back in her seat.

           “Okay then, let’s-“

           “Here” Jungkook immediately stood up from his seat, causing the professor and everyone else to look over at him. “I’m… here…”

           “Well, c’mon! We are on a strict schedule!” The professor motioned him over to the stage. Jungkook gulped before turning his head to glance at the closed auditorium doors. He only hoped Taehyung was right and Y/N would walk through those doors at any given moment. Sighing, he began to make his way towards the stage.

 ~!~

Your POV      

           Where r u?! He’s presenting! – Chloe

           “Fuck!” You shouted as you dashed out of your dorm room, slamming the door shut behind you.

           “Language!” Jackson called from somewhere down the hall. Ignoring him, you decided to take the stairs instead of the elevator. You dashed down the stairs, avoiding the few stragglers who were going in the opposite direction. Was the professor not calling names by alphabetical order? Or maybe she was going backwards on the rollcall? Whatever she was doing, Jungkook was presenting now – ready to reveal to the world who he was – and you weren’t there. You weren’t there to give him the support the shy man probably needed. Nor were you there to cheer him on from the sea of students – to tell him he’s got this. All while pretending to not know who he really was.

           Rushing out of your dorm, you ran frantically towards the language hall. It wasn’t too far away but it was far enough. Luckily, the usually busy sidewalks were practically empty do to everyone either in their finals, studying, or sleeping. That, or maybe they were all waiting outside the building for Jungkook to emerge as Golden. As the building came into sight, you gasped at all the people outside gathered around it. Some you were even positive weren’t students at your school. Clutching onto your bag, you began to push your way through the crowd.

           “Excuse me. Sorry,” You said as you made your way through the crowd. As you reached the front of the door, you were surprised to see two security guards standing in front of them. Clearing your throat, you smiled nervously at them. “Uh… hi… may I go in?”

           “Creative Writing students are only permitted past this point,” the one on the left said.

           “I am a student! I-I mean, I am in this class! I have to take my final!”

           “Miss, the final began a little over an hour ago. You’re just now coming?” The other officer said as she arched a brow at you.

           “Please! I can’t fail this class! I’m an honor student. I worked so hard and-“ You could feel the tears welling up in your eyes. At this point, not only were you going to miss Jungkook’s reveal, but you were going to fail your class.

           “H-hey, don’t cry! What’s your name?” The woman asked as she pulled out a clipboard with a list of names.

           You sniffed your tears back as you managed to stutter out your name. “Y/L/N Y/N…”

           The woman searched for a bit while the other officer peered over her shoulder to see if he could spot your name as well. “Ah!” the male officer said as he pointer at something on the board.

           The woman looked up at you and smiled. “Your name is on the roll. However, I can’t let you in during a presentation. After this student is finished, we can let you in.”

           “B-but I need to be in there right now!” You felt your heart drop to your stomach. You were going to miss his presentation after all.

           “Sorry, professor’s orders or it’ll be an automatic fail…” The male officer gave you a sad smile. A tear managed to escape your left eye as you stared in bewilderment at them. This was it. There was nothing else you could do… but wait.

~!~

Jungkook’s POV

                       Jungkook nervously stared out at the crowd of students before him. He gulped as beads of sweat formed on his forehead. Suddenly, he wished he had styled his hair up instead of his usual down style. Were the stage lights extra bright today or something? He felt like the light and heat radiating from them were trying to bake him. The sound of the professor clearing her throat, signaling him to start, caused his eyes to shift to her. He gave her a nervous smile before shifting his eyes to the entrance of the auditorium. Jungkook thought he could dash out of the room right then and there and announce he was Golden later in the day or so. Or maybe, he’d never reveal Golden and just abandon the blog. People would eventually forget about him, right? He was just a fad, after all. Right? At least, that’s what he tried to tell himself.

           Jungkook looked to the back of the auditorium where the news reporters stood, all waiting for his presentation just like the rest of the class. He could tell the professor he didn’t have a blog, and this was his first time coming to the class. However, he knew she wouldn’t believe him as he sat near the front of the class for the entirety of the semester and he’d lock eyes with the professor on multiple occasions. She knew who he was. Finally, Jungkook looked to the empty seat that was reserved for Y/N. Where was she? Was she okay? Why wasn’t she coming? Jungkook had to admit, maybe he was stalling because he hoped Taehyung would be right and she’d enter the room at any moment. However, he knew he couldn’t wait for her forever. He couldn’t keep the everyone waiting as they began to snicker and talk amongst themselves at his nervousness. He had to let them know now. He had to put an end to Golden once and for all.

           “Look, if you need-“

           “Remember… the way you made me feel…” Jungkook began to sing quietly. “… Such young love but…”

           The once rowdy auditorium began to quiet down as Jungkook’s angelic-like voice began to travel to the ears of the students. Jungkook stopped briefly as he studied the students within the first row of seats. Some of their mouths were ajar with widened eyes. Others, however, seemed skeptical. He couldn’t blame them. Chloe did get everyone’s hopes up with her fake reveal. Inhaling and deciding to continue, he closed his eyes and started singing again.

           “Something in me knew that it was real… frozen in my head…”

           As Jungkook quietly sung the next part, reporters hesitantly turned to the cameras to report who they almost thought could be Golden while the cameramen zoomed in on Jungkook. Whispers could be heard amongst the students as they began to question those beside them if this shy kid was really the school’s beloved Golden. He couldn’t be, right? They mean, he sounded like Golden’s singing voice but Golden wasn’t shy. The real Golden would’ve gotten on stage, smirk at everyone, say something cocky, then reveal his identity. He wouldn’t be this 18-year-old shifting nervously on stage with his mint green feather cardigan, denim jeans held up with black suspenders, white t-shirt, and black combat boots. He looked too soft to be Golden. And Jungkook knew they wouldn’t believe it was him. That’s why he came prepared.

           Suddenly, he stopped singing and pulled out his phone and went to connect it to the screen. Everyone arched their brows at the brown-haired boy as he quietly tapped away on his phone, screen hidden from them to see. After a few seconds, pings and vibrations could be heard throughout the room. Even the professor looked confused as her own phone buzzed. Was it an emergency alert or something? Jungkook briefly looked up from his phone to see everyone checking their notification before he turned on the screen to project his blog to the room. Gasps were heard throughout the room as students looked up from their phones to the screen on the stage:

           Golden: My name is Jeon Jungkook… (posted 5 seconds ago)

             The camera operators of the news teams in the back all immediately focused their cameras onto Jungkook on the stage as reporters began to report of the sudden post made by Golden and the screen that Jungkook had displayed. Jungkook gulped nervously as he inhaled and exhaled slowly, “I’m… the best at almost everything. I dance, sing, draw, and write…”

           Jungkook felt his confidence starting to rise within him as students began to stand up from their seats – eyes filled with realization and shock. Letting out a chuckle at the sight, Jungkook continued, “Ha… even my music taste is amazing… right? I’m just…Golden.”

           Instantly, after revealing himself to the starstruck crowd, Jungkook hit the ‘play’ button for his cover of Paper Hearts. As Golden’s – Jungkook’s ­– recorded voice rang from the speakers, Jungkook harmonized with the recording. His voice was an exact match to the recording. He did it. He revealed himself as Golden.

           “Golden has revealed himself!”

           “Golden turns out to be Jeon Jungkook!”

           “Jeon Jungkook reveals himself as the infamous mystery music blogger, Golden!”

           Reporters were desperately reporting the new information to be one of the first to leak the information. Some students were recording from their phones – probably going live on Instagram or other social media sites. Chloe smiled softly to herself as Jungkook sung the song emotionally on the stage. She knew Y/N was supposed to be here. This wasn’t just his reveal as Golden but his confession of his feelings to her as well. Even Taehyung couldn’t help but smile at his younger friend’s bravery.    

           As Jungkook sung the song that held meaning to him, he closed his eyes as he reminisced on his semester. From starting his blog and getting his first follower then hundreds then thousands to receiving anonymous hate and love confessions. He remembered how many people told him his recommendations made their weeks better or how some even recommended songs to him. Keeping Golden’s identity from the entire school was a challenge and though some found out along the way, Jungkook was grateful they were friends of his and not strangers. When Jungkook started college, he didn’t know he’d make such a huge impression on his school within his very first semester. But here he was, hearing the voices of students in the auditorium singing along with him, clapping, and some even sobbing. He could only imagine how others outside were reacting to the news.

           As the song began to end, one final thought came to Jungkook. Y/N. She was supposed to be here to see his reveal. She was supposed to be in the seat beside Chloe and staring at him with, hopefully, amazement in her eyes. But, would she? Golden gave her such a hard time during the semester. Would she hate Jungkook for keeping it a secret from her? However, Jungkook didn’t want to think about that. He wanted to remember the time he first saw her in that sandwich café and how shy – and cute - she was as she sat across from him and Namjoon. Or, when he saw her dance for the first time and how she lost herself in what she loved doing the most. Also, the time she stress-baked at Namjoon and Jin’s dorm and he, Jimin, and Taehyung helped her. That was also the first time Jungkook decided to toy with her, which was successful, as he remembered the girl became a blushing mess at Golden’s acknowledgement of her. He remembered how stressed she was about mid-terms and they studied in the library together. How at Suho’s party, she grabbed his hand so they wouldn’t get separated from one another in the crowd of people they were in. His favorite memory of Y/N, however, was over fall break and they got to know each other more. How she felt comfortable enough around him to tell him about her life up to now and vice versa. As Jungkook remembered this, the song came to an end and the loud cheers and applause of his classmates, professor, and news reporters brought him back to reality. Jungkook snapped his eyes open and just as he did, the doors to the auditorium burst open, revealing Y/N, her eyes searching frantically around the room before landing on him on the stage. He locked eyes with her, and she gave him a small smile. And it was with that smile, Jungkook thought maybe – just maybe – she saw his reveal and confession after all.

[kazamastar]

Welcome to 2021

Ver. 2.1 - Ok. February but still, here we are. “Behold it’s me” as Logic would say. [...] I’m sorry I’m a bit shook because I started to write at 10:01AM, and it’s precisely 12:07AM, I was progressing pretty well in the process of writting and then I made a bad move and lost everything I wrote. I’m kinda mad. Really, I was this 👌 close to give up on writting it, and you can notice that the pixels are touching. But I guess the “I said I’d do it, so I’m going to do it” mentality is taking me places, once again. Even if I have to start again (that's called mental strength, take notes). And I said I’d write it baked so here I am, baked and hella motivated to do it. So, W shouldn’t help me reminding me what I wrote in the first version but nevermind. So I guess I'll put the most things I remember. I can tell there were good ideas ! I'll take this occasion to remind everyone the concept of these posts but first we will recap numbers of this year (well, more or less accurate for 2020 as I'm writting one month late) (and I'll fucking stop writting on the tumblr site and switch to OpenOffice so my next words are not lost again). 637 Nakamas (thank y'all for being here, even if I post 12847 times in a row. You're the best). 3609 posts and 23 376 likes. (109 drafts : lol it's less than a few weeks ago)

Pic : Plot twist 2. No more smile, but the return of the bowtie. (aka « The 4 days late suit » aka « I'm old enough to know better »)

The choice of this picture was so simple. Or maybe I should have chosen the one with the mustache only I took during lockdown ? Ahah. But … this picture could almost resume the year on its own. If I'd describe it in depth and explain the context, I could review 70% of the events that happened this year (and I think I'll go for that later, interesting exercise).

So. First let me explain the goal of these sums up. Each « Welcome to XXXX » is a resume, a sum up of the year XXXX-1. I write these for me, it's a funny way to keep track of all these years. I try to describe more or less precisely what happened during the year. I allow myself to be more or less precise because I firstly write these for me. And sometimes these posts tend to be long. Especially this one. It's gonna be sooo long. Like, idk maybe highlight this line and take a few seconds to scroll down and see how looooong it is. Kinda discouraging isn't it ? Lucky you it won't go on forever though as today, as I'm writting that it's 12:23PM and I'll have to be gone at 4 or 5PM. But I think contraints make art, even if I don't like to write under any kind of pressure. But I'm determined to do it in one take. So in these posts I also write about the TV Shows, manga, anime, movies I've seen/read. Even books, as I finally had the chance to read « Le Petit Prince » this year. We all know we had time this year, don't we ? And at the end, I post a 12 songs playlist (+ songs that I discovered this year that also are going to remind me of the year). We can roughly say it's « 1 song/1 month » but it's not always true. These songs are songs I like a lot, like really (but not necessarily my favorite) but above all, they remind me of the year I'm resuming (it can also be older songs). I also post my top 3 albums of the year. I'm thinking also of detailing my choices of playlist. Maybe not explaining all of them but a few. [12:36PM. And I'm already hungry.] On the 1st try I remember I talked about the TV shows I saw. I forgot to mention it but I write in English for a few reasons. First is : it helps me exercising my English. For me, it's the most beautiful langage to talk and it's a good occasion to do so. And then I actually enjoy writting in English. And it prevents unwanted people who don't master English to read all that (as it is pretty intimate). But joke's on me, I'm conscious the people I'd like to keep away from reading this all master English, and even better than me for some of them. (It surely is the case for 27 at least, even though we all know she still won't read this lol). Yes, I never drop names in these sum ups. Or at least, some names are blacklisted. I always chose a number to nominate them they would normally recognize themselves. So, talking about English, I've seen « Emily in Paris » on Netflix. It may surprize you but I'm very interested in dubbing. French dubbing is amazing. For example I bought « Spiderman » on PS4 this year and the french voice is the same voice actor as in the « Amazing Spider-Man » (yes the one with Andrew Garfield). (UNPOPULAR OPINION : Andrew Garfield actually is the best spiderman. Or at least the one I prefer and by far). Emily in Paris is funny because I watched it in English and it kinda disturbed me that it took place in Paris but everybody spoke English. On the other hand, if you watch it in French, langages people are talking become logical (French people speak french) but you'll have to deal with the DEADLY ANNOYING French voice of Emily. And her accent. I think I just watched 1 or 2 episodes like that, I couldn't take more ?. If you have time you should take 5 seconds to listen to what I'm talking about. But it was quite a good show. It was so fun to see these streets I've been visiting for so long in a Netflix show. By the way, I think it's easy to say that I'm missing Paris so much. But not only for the tourism, but most and foremost for the competitions. Before being a tourist I was a competitor there. So, I'm missing Paris but I'm also missing karate competitions. And also just karate. I haven't stepped on a tatami for 3 weeks and it still seems like it won't get better, and we all know why. I'm curious if I could talk about this year without mentioning a very famous virus but I think it's just impossible. But this virus gave me a lot of time in March and April. Maybe less in November tho. I could finally finish The Walking Dead, which last seasons were surprisingly good. And it was so fun to watch the reactions of people on Youtube [#]. Talking about karate competitions, I also watched Cobra Kai ! What an amazing job they did there. Adding more depth to the first movie, it's funny to change perspective and see that the Daniel we were rooting for wasn't that much of a « perfect good guy » we saw (I'm not talking about the kick in the face etc). It's also funny to notice I kinda went fro Daniel to Johnny lol. But having a Netflix show talking about martial arts and value they teach to their students ? It was perfect, even more when you see that some of my students also saw it so when we were training I was refering to it they almost all got it. And it's also funny to see that it's not as Manichean as the 1st movie was. It's a 9/10 for me. If I read the last sum up right, I said : « This year 2020 I really need to watch Kimetsu no yaiba, Jojo, Violet evergarden, Gintama and i have to keep ready 7 deadly sins. » So : Kimetsu no Yaiba was dope. The anime was beautiful and the manga was very entertaining. Not a top tier manga but definitively a good one. Jojo's anime was cool but too long. I stopped after season 2 or 3 I guess ? Violet Evergarden was TRASH (and very bad for a date, if you ask me) and I didn't take time to explore the 2 others. I also saw : Assassination classroom (5/10, i couldn't finish it so i skipped directly to the last episode, was as moving as people said), Validé (8/10, with an insane final episode), No Game No Life (8,5/10, i loved it), Freaks and Geeks (7,5 but i didn't finish it, I really like the old school vibe), Code geass (7/10, great anime and great opening). I finally discovered Community and it was worth it. What a funny show. And what a pleasure to see Mr Donald Glover on screen. Makes me think that I need to watch Atlanta again. The problem with Community is the last seasons broke the 4th wall too much for me, it became painful to watch. But the 3 or 4 seasons are crazy. Another show that was even more funny : IT Crowd. I finally had the chance to see the episode of « I came here to drink milk and kick ass, and I just finished my milk ». This show is a 9,25/10. Grand Army was also a great show of 2020. Dom is an amazing character (but I already said it). Kengan Ashura was also so cool ! I think it's what Baki would have liked to become. This year I also started to watch « American horror Story » again (alone and not alone). These last seasons were awesome. I also converted Elodi to «my hero academia », it was so cool to share that. Other things I saw : SAO S4 (AMAZING, SO BEAUTIFUL), Erased, SNK Last season) ; The Mandalorian, 24's 9th season.« Queen's gambit » have been one of the greatest show I've seen this year. And I really want to say that I played chess before the show came out (add me on Lichess if you want to play with me. Same username. I'm not strong -about 1000 ELO I guess- but I'm always happy to play and learn). If you want a precise idea of my level, on the chess.com app, I can beat Emir 🇹🇷 (1000 ELO) often but I didn't win once against Sven 🇸🇰 (who is ~1100 ELO). I'm so happy talking about all these lengthen the post even more. Kinda satisfying. But I could also talk about Tekken and chess this year. I think I have a thing with dueling sports. I'm a Karate competitor, I love Tekken and I like chess. I guess someone has something to prove haha. But come on, chess is incredible. For the 1st lockdown, I was just playing (not alone) but I wanted to make progress just by practicing. And that's how I got BB 5 or 7 (yes, it means Beat By = my number of loss in a row). But at the end of the 2nd lockdown I finally allowed myself to study a little more, thanks to Youtube (once again). This is SO INTERESTING. Like the strategies, the top players. French content creators are fun but I like american ones more. Eric Rosen is my favourite. He's always calm, he often finds solutions. GothamChess is also very entertaining. You can say by how he talks he has been a teacher. He's great. So, once again on some shonen shit, I started studying more. Mid December, a kid beat me 2 times in a row. He's a smart kid, I like him. He didn't brag or anything. And then, during Christmas Holidays I spent 2 or 3 hours a day watching chess videos. I guess he hasn't been able to beat me since then haha. By the way I should play with him later on today. Playing chess is a way for me to make sure my brain doesn't let me down, like gym for the brain. At least, it's what I thought when I started but I quickly discovered that it's a game of patterns recognizing, so memory is really challenged here. I mean, in the middlegame you have to be smart to get by but at the beginning and ending … you have to know your openings. I have also thought of joining a club but I don't know if chess communities are benevolent. I also noticed that high ranked players seem to have strong personalities. And then for Tekken (yes, 3 years and a half later I'm still on this game) I'm still making progress. In March, someone made me want to play Heihachi. What a funny character. Not top tier, but fun. Leroy Smith is also fun to play. There was no offline tournament but I won one, the 1st organized by Tekken Toulouse and finished 5th at the second. It's funny to live that level of stress straight from my bed. Usually, that kind of stress making my whole body trembling is usually found nearby tatamis of Karate competitons. (Yes, these Tekken tournaments make me stressful and that's the reason I can't play Jin in tournaments). But Eddy is still a sure value. Still progressing in movement, and whiff punishing. Mishimas are getting more consistent on electrics but it's not perfect. By the way, if you love fighting games and Bruce Lee, there's a video you need to see (whoever you are) : [#]. If you're really interested in these topics, you should appreciate this video as much as I did [2:10 PM. I have eaten, but now I have the feeling that I'm late.] Btw I don't skip line to add some « length » effect. Once again I'm sorry if making it until here was painful to read, but I need to make this paragraph the least attractive I can. This line I'm writting is almost on the 3rd page of OpenOffice. And I try to avoid using emojis, so there's just text. Tout dans le fond, pas de forme. Also, congratulations for making it until here, you must be very motivated. I'm writting slowly because it's the 1st time I write this by daytime, and I swear at the begining people were harassing me ahah. It's fun because the sum up of 2019 was so short. Just with its form, you can tell how 2019 have been peaceful. I don't remember if I talked about it already but a disaster could have happened in September/October 2019. But karate kept my mind busy so the worst have been avoided. Time spent on the tatamis kept me away from overthinking about my problems. And that was a good strategy indeed. Because in 2020 it wasn't the same. If we count right. Dojos were opened in January, February, 1st half of march, reopened in September and october, closed on november and opened in December (Mon Dieu quel … CASSE-TEX hahaha merci c'est tout pour moi). It was a weird karate year. Today is the 1 year anniversary of my last competition. During the 1st lockdown, I had litteraly no desire to train. Some of you know why. But let's talk a bit more about COVID and lockdowns. The most important thing is that I didn't spent the 1st lonely. This was the most challenging time of my life, but I can say that I made it thanks to 0808 so I'm eternally grateful for that. So, if we recap months by months : January was a funny month. One thing that I thought a miracle happened (until I found out months later what a real miracle was). I also almost went into a brawl. I guess this weird ass month set the tone for the 11 months to follow. February … was one of the calmest month. I had an awesome dojo session in Balma with 0808 in February. I think there were a lot of beautiful sunsets this month. Guess our weather power was at its peak. These 3 1st months of 2020 had a lot of trainings, even if I was injured due to kumite. March and April are kinda the same for me. I won't talking long about these but I'd simply say that I'm glad that I hadn't to write to 27. So, the Miracle happened by mid April. Mid april to mid may, it was cool. We were at home but … the weather was nice, I was doing sport everyday (but no real karate trainings) and I could keep this rythm of exercising until … Half July, which is good. It's the first time in my life I'm that consistent in doing sports at home. From mid may, I started to train with Coach O. on a weekly basis. It was incredible. These days were still bliss in my mind. I was there, no « real problems » in mind, I wasn't alone, I was making progress physically … It was really great. And from mi may to end of July, it kept getting better.Indeed, I fell in love again in January and it was getting stronger by the months. It's been a while I haven't fell this hard for someone. But she gave it back to me nicely. And then … Mala suerte 3.0. This point of the sum up is funny because I do remember when I talked about mala suerte in the other sum ups. I do realize how it's always the same thing when I write those : « 1st part of the year is cool, then not cool, then cool again but in a weird way because I have insane difficulties to repair broken parts of me » but hey. This time it's not my fault. It makes me realize how cyclic all this is. So, August, September and October have been terrible and chaotic months. A level of sadness rarely reached until there. Maybe comparable to September 2018. A high level of anger also. But still, with rare occasions to train, so no occasions to let go off steam. In fact, let's talk a bit about this anger. I've always took a lot of pride in the fact that I could most of the time remain calm in a lot of situations. Plus, being patient isn't something natural but … I learned to be through the years. I was so surprised to notice how angry I became … It simply wasn't me. But the reason is simple : I really think karate brings me balance in life, on a lot of levels (and it concerns me a lot for when I'll stop competing one day …). But I realized it so I'm working on it. In 2020, I led a lot of fights, sometimes I won and often I lost, but I also avoided a lot of them. One of the reasons I think I'm not ready to be a good partner is first I think I'm too angry. I don't think I could be mean to my partner but … I think I could be annoying to deal with. But mainly, I'm not ready to better myself now. To find the good partner, you need to become a good partner first, and this is precisely what I'm not ready to become. Despite being not perfect, I'm fine that way and I know how far from perfect I'm right now. But nevermind. This is the kind of state of mind you can't afford when you're in a relationship. I'm not saying you need to change to fit your partner's ideals. But if you notice something's wrong in your behaviour/habits and don't want to correct it, you might be a bad partner (but I could be wrong, I'm not a couple therapist lol).

Oh. And that's the moment I can describe my photo to tell the story differently. So this shot was taken precisely on Sunday, 4th of October. 1302 got confirmed so we had to go to the Temple du Salin. I went there with my father and he decided to rock a bowtie so I wanted to match him. It was so fun. That was the first time we stepped in a church after « all these events ». It was a strong moment for me. So, this picture (taken by me, thank you tripod) was taken 4 days after I « took a gamble ». I took a lot of gambles this year. One memorable gamble that lead to beautiful pictures of Toulouse was on August 27th (lol). This was after our breakup. I gave her an adress and an hour, and I hopped she would come. She never came so this was a lost gamble. (So I had a great time watching « Back to the future » outdoors, on a big movie screen, but I was alone). But this time was different. I did suppose she would be at one place on a certain day at the end of September. And I gambled right because she was there. And even if the context was so particular, I can tell we had a great time. I was so ready that I put on my best white shirt, because I knew she kinda liked it. I was there to win her back but I simply failed. Guess the shirt wasn't enough. So it was funny to wear the full suit 4 days later, I was like « Dude, nice effort but it's too late  lol» (plus the Temple du Salin is on the other side of the closest bridge from her home) but I still hopped to cross her road on that day. Oh and as we're analyzing this picture, I really like the bokeh on the autmun-colored leaves. I had the luck to have a very sweet light when I took these pictures. And the post processing was really funny. I have a lot of versions of this picture indeed. But all these colors in the background always make me think of a quote I love :  « Autumn shows us how beautiful it is to let things go » and this quote is so damn right. I discovered this year that I have difficulties to let things go. The thing is I hate injustice. I hate to see things that litteraly belong to me, things I deserve, simply run away from me. Sometimes I'm telling myself it's just my karma making me pay for all the شيطان I've done in the past. But other times I just try to convince myself to let go. It's been the 2nd most challenging thing this year. These levels of depression have never been reached before. But still, here I am. But not stronger than before. I had this conversation a few weeks ago about « what doesn't kill you makes you stronger ». To support this idea, some people might evoke the principle of « Kintsugi » as an example. But I strongly disagree about the first statement. I'm not a goddamn bowl. I take the example of my lower belly scar : it didn't kill me but it didn't get stronger either. That's the exact opposite indeed. Sometimes it still hurts even though it's been done 12 years ago (the last time it hurt was this night, almost stopping me from finding sleep). It's a personal opinion but what didn't kill me made me weaker. And I'm not just talking about physical injuries. Losing the ability to trust after all these events isn't what I'd call « getting stronger », even though « I didn't do anything wrong ». That's an expensive price. Bref. I think you can overcompensate with something else but the damaged parts may stay weak after. [3:03 PM. So I have about 1 hour to finish it. Easy.] There's one thing I wanted to talk about in this sum up, related to the fact of « being strong ». I read Blach again (you can tell by my december posts) and I started with the lost agent arc, followed by the TYBW arc. There's 2 things about it : its poetry, through the words and the drawings will always amaze me (it amazed me even if it’s the 2nd time I’me reading it), and the 2nd thing : I love how Ichigo become stronger. He lost his Shinigami powers but then found his Fullbring powers. And that is very important because he becomes strong again, but it's a different kind of strong and I LOVE THIS. It's like in real life. I was very strong in June 2012 (videos as proof), but it's not the same strong as in July 2017 or April/November 2018. June and July 2020 have been a different kind of strong. Not that I gained 10 kgs in 2 months (unfortunately) but I was exercising daily. I was getting my body ready for the supposed heavenly month of August that was awaiting me (us). Unfortunately there was no videos of karate at this period (but I made some in september!) but I was feeling great physically. In fact. This May/June/July 2020 period could be considered as “bliss” for me. Of course there was some background problems but ... Mentally I was getting back on my feet, I was deeply in love, physically pretty feeling myself. Plus on the 1st half of July i could go back to the tatamis ... I swear this level of peace and life appreciation have rarely been reached before. Well, this concept of getting stronger differently is almost obsessing me for a simple reason : I'm feeling like I'm getting older. 27 is a weird age for competing in karate. If I look back, I realize I'm older than William when he stopped (it's his birthday tomorrow!!). Also older than Zak, Teddy and so on. I guess I'll never be physically like 10 or 5 years ago but I'm really asking myself if I can be better. But as seen as the pains I go through after the trainings … It's going to be complicated. Plus I did my body wrong this year. There was pain in mars, april, august, september, october, november and december. I tried a lot of things to make it go. I tried to smoke it, i tried to sleep it, i tried to drink it also. I tried to fuck it of course but none of these things worked. But can we consider I won if only my cock still works ? Compared to 2018 : yes it is a win. And at least when I'm with someone, that makes less time crying and overthinking shit. Anyway, I also tried to smoke it really hard. And that's an habit I'll have trouble to let go but nvmd. Still, one of my 2021 resolutions is to smoke less. Also, I took a funny resolution that is : « I'm not accepting defeat this year ». And I realized only a few days after taking it how hard it will be. I'm not dumb, when defeat is unavoidable, I'll just take it. But I decided to be a real Scorpio and be more stubborn than ever. We can say it's above all pride. Same pride as Vegeta, Bakugo or even Endeavour. Really touched me when Bakugo talked about « Absolute victory ». Sometimes I find myself too soft. I'm not going to become an awful person (or at least, not more awful than I am right now). I'll still be kind … But I'll go get the victories I deserve a little harder. Talking about my age, I'm a bit deceived I have no close old friends to share the memories. Every one is kinda gone. Sometimes it's my fault, and sometimes it's just people who are shit but life's like this. Also, every year I try to think of my best encounter of the year. It's kinda hard because sometimes, you meet someone a few years earlier but you really get to know each other later etc … So I'm not clear if this should count only people met this year or simply the people I've spent the best times with. Because I received a curious message this summer and my God. What a luck she took the chance to write me. We realized a few days ago we were in the same class in 10th grade (2nde) (we saw the class picture, what a laughter we had). We get along so well. And it's the proof that 2nd chances deserve to be given. I swear that I also lost some important people this year. But I'm not fighting to get people back anymore. I've done it too much and I'm simply done. People need to realize it's a luck to be in my life. I have my ways but you'll hardly find a friend that's patient and kind as I am. But nevermind, it always makes more time and attention for the people who are here, who really care for my hapiness. Focusing on the people who are here was one of the main concern this year, for a lot of reasons. I thought I was good for selecting the good people in my life but looks like I still can improve. So I'm still letting people go off my life. [3:36PM. Guess I said mostly what I had to say. Maybe 5 pages is enough, but maybe not.] Oh I can still tell the rest of the year. November have been one peaceful month. Away from all the obsessions. Focused on me. No karate but still courses by videoconference. The weather was very sweet even tho it was November. This second lockdown was not that funny but we've seen worst. And December … had it's ups and downs. It was cool to meet my kids 1 month after all these video courses. They clearly got stronger, it was cool. I could also talk about my experience as a sensei this year because there's a lot to say. At the beginning of February, it was my last competition but also for my kids. We litteraly took the competition by storm. On était TROP CHAUDS. But then the Covid stopped us. We kinda were ready for Occitanie championship, if you forget that I was sick the week before the competition. I'd have loved so much to see how far their training would have taken them on this competition. But thank God they cancelled it, guess He didn't want to see me lose ahah. So, I've seen a lot of kids getting better. What a pleasure. Later on this year I told them that I wanted to see them become stronger than me. Seems cliché, but I'm happy they took it seriously. Of course I'm dead serious. We also talked about I will be waiting for them in Senior. Hope they'll continue until then. And above all I hope I will still be competing. I really want to have a positive impact on these kids, competitors or not. And I guess it's working. (Btw I'll surely do a post about Whitebeard soon, just to show him love). So. What lessons can we draw from this chaotic year ? Always treat your high school comrades well. Be picky about who you let in your life. Before engaging in a relationship, ask why her previous relationship ended. Trust no B. (And BBW's are heaven sent). Now it's 3:50PM and I guess I'm done. But I keep myself the possibility to add things if I think of things to add. It's 6 pages long (Arial, 12) but if I can make it longer I will.

[Friday. 00:55AM] Edit : Ok. The story is funny. I really wanted to finish that in one day. So I wrote the previous lines between 10 AM and 4 PM Wednesday knowing I would need more time, just to check and to add a few more details. And one of those Lonely Wednesday Night would have been perfect just to finish the job. So I planned to finish it on wednesday night but the fact is I forgot my computer home …. So here I am one day later. Still baked, so still in the right state of mind to do it. It gave me time to proofread myself (?) and most importantly, it gave me time to read again some of my previous sum ups. It was interesting to compare how they're all different, and also how my writting evolved. Tbh I think I'm becoming more comfortable with my English. Or maybe the more I express myself, the more I look at ease with the langage. This sum up is the longest I've ever written. But still, I'll add things because I still haven't told everything. For example, I haven't spoken about the fact that all the Kazamastar adventure might be closer to the end than the beginning. Like, I'm not immediatly done with all that. I'm still having a lot of fun here. Anon visitors are also part of the game, but it's still all fun. It also keeps my « photograph eye » opened. This makes me think of the quote «I want to be so awfully happy that I never need to write poetry again. » [#] and more precisely I'm thinking about : do I post more when I'm happy or sad ? But I noticed this tumblr kinda works like therapy for me. (And especially, this post is a therapy by itself. Wednesday I woke up feeling bad, lower belly aching and making this post really helped me going through the day.) I post a lot when I'm sad but it really allows me to get all of these negative feelings out of me. I do stylize things but I know I'm not a poet or anything. But can you imagine being so happy that you don't write again ? Would be an amazing feeling. (Indeed, I've already done it once [#]. I've ended a blog on a perfect happiness and yes it felt amazing. ) Imagine if I do it here. After all the trials and tribulations I went through, it would be a perfect way to finish this tumblr. But as I'm speaking, I think there's like … less than 5% chance that it ends happily. If it does, it could be in a long time. I have a few ideas of when and how it could end, but Imma have to keep these selfishly for myself. You'll see when we'll get there.:) Also, I'm realizing right now the things I'm adding to the text make the timestamps through the text a bit less accurate but that's just a detail. [2:37 AM] Earlier I talked about this blog being a therapy for me. But it’s not only this tumblr. This year I proudly finished another tumblr (yes you can guess I was proud as I posted about that 17325 times already and pinned a post). This was such a relief to end it after letting it still for litteraly 2 years. Well that’s it for tonight !

No transition : let's go for the explanations of my choices for the playlist followed by the playlist itself. It's kinda easy to understand why « la mienne » is here, for the first month. This “I can’t touch you I’m not allowed to” really made me think of someone and this someone came back. Incredible. The next song with a Boogie is perfect for February. Very peaceful month, really full of very good moments (in the backseat of a certain car for example). The 2 next songs are for March. These are kinda « lockdown anthems » as The Weeknd album came out right at that time and so did Laylow's. Plus « Escape from LA » have the vibe I really love from Abel. 2 next songs are for April. Dsvn really smashed when he put that « A muse in her feelings » album. (and the « Amusing her feelings » is even better but that won't happen before January 2021). The sequence between « Outlandish – Keep it going - flawless » was one of the best thing I heard musically this year. But keep it going is insane. « Meilleurs » from Oboy is … special. And so are the 2 following songs. Meilleurs is now blacklisted but it's still one good song. But I can't listen to it anymore. Maybe that's exactly because it reminds me June and July. Count me in reminds me precisely of August 8th. Btw what a funny day, very far from all expectations we built up through the years (let's remind that the countdown started with more that 400 days, but I guess patience and loyalty is not always rewarded). I might digress from the playlist one second, but on this day we were in Treilles with the guys, and thank God I had them in this moment ... That’s when I drank to heal, with “count on me” for soundtrack. For September, I hesitated between « DEUX TOILES DE MER » or « MEVTR » (which means « Meilleur d'Entre Vous Tous Reunis », the 1st stage name of Damso). Damso’s flow on MEVTR is huge. He makes a whole verse rhyme and on but … 2 toiles is more iconic. Talking about iconic, « Bande organisée » wasn't a masterpiece but a force to be reckoned with (i find this expression funny ahah). I mean, in hip hop nowadays we don't see often rappers teaming up with big groups like that. Plus on this song particularly some of them have interesing flows and a lot of energy. And you can tell it comes from the South. Not of them are goods, some are excellent but this makes a very decent track. « Route 66 » was cool, even tough it's for November (so 2nd lockdown) it gave me really lovely vibes. And I take this occasion talking about November 2020 to remind it was the 10th anniversary of Kanye West's MBDTF and I celebrated it the right way héhé. Finally, this featuring is really ending the year well. Dinos dropped an insane album, his best since a long time and Tayc also (respectively « Stamina, » and « Fleur froide »). So having them on the same track was risky but it paid very well, incredible vibe from those two combined. They could have been in the top 3 albums but some people made better than them. Trinity is my top 1 one 2020. The concept, the musics … it was INSANE. QALF was also great. It's insane to see Damso get rid of « artistic barriers » to focus only on sound and music. No communication etc … Just music. And Eternal Atake from Lil Uzi Vert because it was long awaited but also because it was perfect, also a 1st lockdown album so it helped me forget my loneliness but so much good tracks ! And finally we have the very special songs that I coudn't tell why I like them. I just love their vibes. So now is 4:15 PM and I'm offically finished but I still have to tweak it. Know I won't hesitate to add things that are related to 2020 and that come to my mind :) Thanks for reading me. Have a lovely day, or night.

2020 Playlist

Tayc – La mienne (Accoustic)

A Boogie – Reply feat Lil Uzi Vert

The Weeknd – Escape for LA

Laylow – Nakré

dvsn – Keep it goin ✨

PartyNextDoor – Believe it feat Rihanna

Trippie Redd & Russ – The Way

OBOY - Meilleurs

Kehlani - Serial Lover

Juice WRLD & Marshmello - Come and go

THEY. - Count me in

Damso - Deux toiles de mer

13 Organisé - Bande organisée

Joe Dwet File - Route 66

Dinos & Tayc - Je wanda

Spécial : Lil Tecca - Last Call  YNW Melly  - City girls

Jessame - Times we had ~ Dennis Lloyd - Never go back ~  Elliot Trent - computer love

3 top albums de 2020 : 

Trinity de Laylow - Qalf de Damso - Eternal atake de Lil Uzi vert

[sassyshoulderangel319]

Cleaning Date

At 1,679 words, this is the first real Lucien one-shot I’ve written. I’m still over here just enjoying myself writing random stuff from a random mobile game I found advertised on Tumblr. Enjoy!

Previous MLQC writings: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

Lucien scrunched his eyebrows. After just arriving home from the research center, he wanted to collapse in bed and go to sleep.

But just as he fell onto his bed, digging his way through his bedside table for his glasses, he heard an extremely loud vacuum through the wall. He sighed and pushed his other hand through his hair. “What is she doing vacuuming at this hour?” He sat up and got off his bed, heading to the apartment next-door.

He knocked and rang the doorbell when the knocking yielded no results. So he paused and rang the doorbell.

Still the vacuum didn’t stop.

Feeling bold, Lucien tested the doorknob.

It was unlocked.

He sighed and shook his head. “So unsafe,” he muttered, pushing the door open.

*****

I danced along to the music playing my music through my headphones. I hadn’t cleaned my apartment in a couple weeks so I needed to do a deeper clean than I normally would have if I’d kept up-to-date on it.

“‘Cuz every time we touch, I get this feelin’—and every time we kiss I swear I can fly,” I sang along to my headphones as I dragged my vacuum over the carpet.

A hand rested on my shoulder.

Another covered my mouth as I screamed.

The hand that touched my shoulder let go and popped my earbuds out. “Shh. It’s me,” a familiar, soft-spoken-but-deep voice said. I turned and sighed in relief, breaking the contact of the hand on my mouth.

“Lucien! You scared the bejeebees out of me!” I exclaimed.

He smiled gently. “My apologies. I was just wondering what you were up to, cleaning so late.”

I furrowed my eyebrows. “What do you mean? It’s not that late,” I said.

Lucien cocked an amused eyebrow. “It’s one-in-the-morning,” he remarked.

My mouth fell open and I dug my phone out of my pocket. “No way. It’s only, like, ten-thirty at the latest—”

But no. Lucien was right. As per usual. It was 1:07AM.

“Oh. whoops. Guess I better get ready for bed then,” I said. “I can finish this tomorrow.”

Lucien chuckled. “My, my. You certainly lose track of time easily, don’t you?” His tone was playful but that didn’t stop me from turning bright red from my ears in, all the way to the tip of my nose.

“Uh…” I mumbled.

He patted my head. “It’s alright. Just make sure you get some good sleep.”

“You too,” I offered. “I’m guessing you only just figured out I was awake cleaning because you just got back from the research center. Meaning you should go to bed and get some good sleep too.” I fixed him with my Serious Business™ look. His lips quirked into an amused smile and he ruffled my hair.

“You’re right,” he said. “I did.”

Boom. One point for me. Probably ten-thousand points on Lucien’s side.

I smiled. “Go to bed, Lucien. I will too.”

“Promise me you’ll take care of yourself.”

“I promise. Do you?”

Lucien scooped up my hand and kissed my knuckles. “It’s a promise.”

I giggled. “Goodnight, Lucien.”

He gave me a soft smile. “Goodnight,” he said. With that, he left my apartment, pausing at the door. “Remember to lock your front door, next time. I walked right in.”

“Oh. I was shaking out my rugs,” I explained. Lucien smirked and left, shutting my door behind him. I crossed to the front door and slid the deadbolt home, locking it. He was right. If everyone in my life was going to continuously nag about me being in danger, I would have to start taking a greater responsibility. I’d forgotten after shaking my rugs but no one would really hurt me in my apartment, would they? I was going to lock the door before I went to bed…

But man. One in the morning. I really had lost track of time. I did that more often than not but usually for about an hour. Not three.

Sighing, I went and took a shower before putting on my pajamas and going to bed.

*****

Lucien shook his head as he finally got into bed. She was smart in some areas, and totally, completely oblivious in others. Leaving her door unlocked? She was going to get herself hurt that way.

Sighing, he reached for his phone to text her.

Text me when you get off work tomorrow and I’ll come help you finish cleaning your apartment.

She must not have fallen asleep yet because her reply came quickly.

Okay! And to repay you, I can help you clean YOUR apartment! How about that?

Lucien couldn’t help but chuckle. “Always trying to be kind and helpful,” he muttered.

Sounds like a plan.

Awesome! See you tomorrow!

See you tomorrow.

He set his phone back on his bedside table and shoved his hand through his hair to tame it before settling into bed for the night. He drifted off with images of her bright eyes and smile looking up at him. One day he would stop thinking about those eyes and that smile. One day he would do what he had to and cut her from his heart.

He hoped that day would never arrive.

*****

Ding-dong!

I perked up and ran to my front door. “Hi Lucien!” I greeted as I pulled the door open.

He chuckled on seeing me. Probably just because my hair was up in a bun and covered by a bandana to keep the dust out of it. “Good evening. I assume you’re cleaning again?”

“Yup!” I exclaimed. “Just got started. I dusted my bedroom. If you could help me reach the top of the bookcase in my living room, that would be fantastic.” I held out the duster. “I’m not tall enough to dust the top without standing on a stool but I figured if you were coming over I wouldn’t have to risk falling off and breaking my neck or my ankle. That is, if you don’t mind dusting.”

Lucien had already taken the duster from my hand. “Not at all. What else would you like help with?”

“If you can reach the tops of the fan blades, that’d be awesome,” I remarked. “I’m gonna finish vacuuming and then this place will be pretty much done and we can go over to yours!”

Lucien chuckled. “You’re altogether too enthusiastic about cleaning,” he said.

I shrugged. “Guess I was just taught to enjoy it. Pop on a bit of music and it’s more than a chore—it’s a performance!”

That earned me an amused chuckle. Lucien glanced at me over his shoulder as he swept the duster over the top of my bookcase. There was a small, wistful smile on his face. “Wouldn’t the world be a nicer place if everyone were taught to enjoy cleaning?”

I smiled. “I think so,” I said. Grabbing the handle of the vacuum cleaner, I smiled playfully at him with my tongue between my teeth and switched it on. The roar of the vacuum drowned out any chance of conversation. I had one headphone in my ear so the vacuum wouldn’t start boring me from the endless roar and went back to singing along to my music.

I caught Lucien chuckling at me out of the corner of my eye.

With his help, I finished cleaning a good five minutes quicker than I would have on my own. Which didn’t seem like much but I’d done a lot of cleaning the night before and that was five minutes I wasn’t balancing while standing on a stool.

When my apartment was done, we went to Lucien’s. It was already much tidier than mine. Heck, it looked like it wasn’t even lived in.

“Wow. You keep this place tidy.”

Lucien made a face. “Tidy, yes. But it gets rather dusty.”

“Well, lucky you, I’m a pro at dusting.” I laughed and turned to look at him.

He brushed a few baby hairs that had escaped my bun and my bandana out of my face and gave me a soft look. “I’ll bear that in mind,” he said.

I could feel my ears and neck growing warm. So I looked away. “Okay! So, where should we start?”

Lucien looked around with a small sigh. “Well, perhaps you should do what you’re a pro at and I’ll begin vacuuming. If there’s anything you need help reaching, let me know and I will gladly do it instead.”

I nodded. “Okay!”

Lucien dug his cleaning supplies out of a closet and held out the duster to me with a smile. I took it and started dusting the coffee table and everything I could reach that was a horizontal surface. He vacuumed, as he said, but decided to dust his bedroom himself. Which I totally understood. Private place. I wouldn’t want someone else cleaning my bedroom. Mostly because it was usually messy and if they moved my stuff around I wouldn’t be able to find it.

It took me long enough to dust that he’d already wiped down the bathroom counter and toilet, leaving me to wipe down the kitchen counters. We cleaned the windows together since I couldn’t reach as high as he could and it was easier for me to bend down to reach the lower parts of the window.

When we were done, he sat heavily on the sofa and pulled me down next to him.

“That was much faster with two people,” he said.

“Oh yeah,” I agreed.

He wrapped an arm around me. “Now I just want to relax and get some rest. Don’t you?”

I glanced at the lazy summer afternoon outside and couldn’t help but snuggle slightly closer to his side. “Oh yeah,” I repeated. My eyelids were already heavy. I tugged my bandana off and released my hair from its bun to get the tight pull off my head. My temple rested against Lucien’s shoulder and I felt myself drifting between conscious and unconsciousness, only vaguely aware that he was stroking my hair.

[felicitiearcher-blog]

you'll find better love      strong as it ever was            deep as the river runs                  warm as the morning sun                        please remember me.                                                                                     // self para

day: the sixteenth of april of 2018 time: 11:56pm location: halston medical center –– halston, california tw: car crash plot: what really happened the night of her accident suggested listening ( in order ): fly me to the moon: frank sinatra, best part (ft. her): daniel ceaser, small bump: ed sheeran, unfaithful: rihanna, breath me: sia, lions and tigers and bears: amber riley, please remember me: danielle bradbury (tim mcgraw cover)

the fifteenth of april at 12:33pm.

she hadn’t stopped playing it all day long. fill my heart with song and let me sing for ever more. she was finalizing the menu for bella’s brasserie, and she’d taken a small break to dial the all to familiar number on her phone for a quick call. it was lunch time –– she was sure he’d be able to answer if he wasn’t on a call. within two rings, the other picked up, a cheerful hello from the opposite end gave her a widespread smile. initially, she shoved the phone’s speaker close to the speakers that ran through the house. in other words, hold my hand. in other words, baby, kiss me. with a quick finish of their wedding song, she placed the phone back up to her ear and spoke softly.         ❛  hi there. ❜       

the fifteenth of april at 9:52pm.

fourteen hours. he’d been gone fourteen hours. she hadn’t heard from him in a few so she figured he’d been out on a call. she’d been sitting up in bed trying to figure out whether to have a soft opening or plan a grand one. within seconds, their bedroom door had opened wide and she spotted an exhausted male with scattered hair and a look on his face that claimed his day in a heartbeat. without hesitation, the female slowly got out of the bed and wattled over towards him. after holding out her hand and watching him take it, she turned her back, slightly pulling him into the bathroom. pressing the play button on her ipad, she heard the soft lyrics ring out through the room as she reached for the shower door, turning on the nozzle. you don't know babe –– when you hold me. she tested the temperature before releasing his hand and turning back around to him. she placed a soft kiss on his cheek as the words rang through. won't you give yourself to me –– give it all.

the sixteenth of april at 8:23 am.

with a smile like hers and a dimple beneath your chin. she needed confirmation. she needed to be sure this was a real thing before she told him. it took her a little less than two years to get pregnant with gia and she’d tried for seven years after that for another with no luck. the doctors blamed her diabetes and she knew that affected it, but not to that extent. she’d had fertility tests done and gotten near perfect results back. the gag was –– she and ezra hadn’t even been trying. they hadn’t been married but ten days, and sure they talked about the possibility, and despite their ages they were going to try. she’d taken eight at home pregnancy tests and all eight displayed a form of yes. a plus sign. two bars. the actual written out word. she bought one of every single pregnancy test in their local grocery store just to be sure. so when the doctor came back in with her results, her initial reaction was tears. she was having a baby. they were having a baby. she was being given another chance to be a mom. finger nails the size of a half grain of rice and eyelids closed to be soon opened wide. seven weeks. she was due on november 30th, and now all she needed to do was figure out a way to tell him. 

the sixteenth of april at 11:02pm.

she didn’t mean to snoop. it wasn’t until she noticed a pile of mail in his office trash can –– one envelope addressed to her, that she started looking through it. she figured it was just an accident that he threw something of hers away. a few envelopes later she found an envelope hand addressed to him. she shouldn’t have opened it. she shouldn’t have opened it. but she did. she probably read the letter twenty times. it was written by a camila. she’d marked her first year of therapy after going through a year of couples therapy. her therapist suggested she write this letter as closure. she wrote about how the both of them kept up an affair while being married and how that affected her present day. she spoke about sarah without stating her name –– felicitie was able to put two and two together. as she read for the multiple times, she caught different things each time. she was able to formulate a timeline in her head. she’d attached another letter from the time when apparently the two of them were together. and i know that he knows i'm unfaithful and it kills him inside. as she read on and on, she felt her blood start to boil as hot tears rimmed her eyelids. who did the man she marry used to be? to know that i am happy with some other guy.

the sixteenth of april at 11:56pm.

he had no idea. he’d left in a distracted huff and slammed the door because he was called in. despite ezra not even being in the house, felicitie couldn’t stay there. her eyes wouldn’t shut and her brain wouldn’t shut off. so after a simple note for the kids –– stating some sort of bullshit –– she grabbed her keys and headed out the front door. she’d only been in the car for ten minutes. ten minutes down the road and she was hit. the collision was on the passenger side and due to the speed of the car that collided with hers, fel was found completely outside of the car. there was a puddle of blood next to her head. be my friend, hold me. sirens. she heard them. they were foggy, but she heard them. wrap me up, unfold me. hands. she felt them. the were too small and rough to be her husbands. she wanted to scream. i am small, i'm needy. she felt three sets of hands lift her from the ground to a stretcher. the voices were rough and they’d mentioned ezra’s name a few times. “call him!” “don’t call him –– he’s on a rescue.” “CALL HIM!” she couldn’t move. she could barely breathe in that moment. she hadn’t felt any pain yet and it wasn’t until she felt the blood on the ground that she actually knew something had happened. warm me up and breathe me.

the seventeenth of april at 12:07am.

they gave her an iv in the ambulance. she fussed and fought about what she wanted but they pretty much told her she had no choice. she was going to be rushed into surgery and she needed medication before she went into the or. she’d been pumped with a few drugs she couldn’t remember. the lights in there were bright so her eyes were shut. she’d been poked and prodded for what felt like hours before they wheeled her off the ambulance. that’s when things started to feel fuzzy. her eyes were getting heavier –– as if she couldn’t open them. a machine started going off and a few more people surrounded her moving bed. i'd fight a bear underwater for my baby.        ❛  where’s ezra? whe––where’s my husband? ❜       the words were slurred, she could tell. she knew they weren’t going to come out properly. at the thought of ezra, her heart sank. bring on a lion, i'm not frightened.        ❛  m–my kids. where are my kids? are they safe? ❜       she wanted to scream it. she tried to scream it. in that moment, she couldn’t remember who was in the car with her or where it was going. instead of screaming it, it only came out as a whisper. her body was slowly shutting down. i'd tear the stripes off any tiger.        ❛  bryce –– and gig. ❜       her heart sank with each word. you just call me and i swear.        ❛  my gia, please. ❜       tears started to flood at this point. where was her family? i'm right there and i'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears.       ❛  my baby. make sure my baby’s okay. my baby. ❜       it was repeated until everything stopped moving. 

the fifth of august at 2:17pm.

she. woke. up.

[vialism]

okay two things: 1) it’s 1:07am and i have just finished reading dreamers at best and i don’t know how to cope with how heartwarming and real the whole thing felt. i need both hands just to count the amount of times i cried while reading it. thank you for writing this- it felt so organic and honestly? i felt like i was falling in love right along with them. big props, my heart is literally in shambles and i am anxiously holding my breath for the day i get a love like that. thank you for this 1/2

- and like i know i’ve already said that but wow.. the skill with which you write honestly blew me away. i’m looking forward to reading this again and any other material you ever right in the future and finally 2) in one of the chapters the line “tiptoeing on the edge of oblivion” is used to describe tyler when he’s in a not so good state of mind w the self harm and that captures that feeling so well that that sentence won’t leave my head. i love it (also i lied this is going to be 3 messages) 

so much. like tattoo onto my body forever love. thank you for capturing that feeling so well. and the last thing i promise. in regards to your use of the word oblivion, you also used it when describing the like coming down stages in your writing, did you mean to make that connection? i know tyler equates being w josh and falling in love w the crumbling of everything he thought he knew and maybe i wonder if that night the oblivion he was tiptoeing in was being w josh? ok i’m done now, sorry 😅3/3

_______

oh my lort, thank you so much for this ask. 

It really means a lot to know that the fic affected you this way. DAB honestly means a ton to me personally so it really feels special when other people connect with it on a deep level. 

i’m glad you felt that way about the toeing the line of oblivion imagery. this honestly isn’t a part of the fic that tends to come up a ton in conversation but yeah the stuff around self harm and dissociation is drawn mostly from my own experience, i started writing this fic a few weeks after getting clean and i was dealing with a lot of that kind of internal pressure. 

i hadn’t made that connection before tbh, about oblivion in a dissociative sense and a pleasure/sexual sense. I think in a way they’re related? I sort of see it as a detachment from your physical surroundings and potentially a lack of awareness and control, which can happen in any context where you’re feeling intense and overwhelming sensation/emotion. I think I also used it to describe sleep? Yeah idk I like talking about oblivion i guess :) I don’t think I was specifically thinking of the oblivion being josh when I used it in reference to the self harm stuff, BUT part of what I wanted to accomplish with that chapter was showing that Tyler was holding himself back from a scary place of emotions and attraction that he wasn’t allowing himself to feel, that was almost too much to bear, so in a way they were related in that sense. 

anyway hopefully that makes sense, again i really appreciate you taking the time to tell me all this, it genuinely means so much

[realexotrash]

Cabin//pt.2

(gif not mine, credit to the owner. Btw this is a good ass gif I applaud you)

genre: smut (not in this part, in later parts), fluff, friend!au, skinny dipping

warning: skinny dipping, graphic smut (again in later parts. in the next part you ask? idk, guess you’ll have to find out ¯\_(ツ)_/¯), Baekhyun is a fuckin tease just like how he is in real life.

length: idk man pretty long

Authors note: I want to thank you all for all the positive responses I’ve received for cabin, it really means a lot because I literally wrote it just to write it and now you guys are messaging me the nicest stuff so thank you. Btw I kind of changed up my writing style in this one, so instead of the huge block paragraphs everything is spaced out a little better. Anyway, here’s cabin pt. 2, enjoy.

(I didn’t really know what to do with pt.2 so I don’t know if I’m entirely happy with it so if you guys wanna leave requests or ideas for later parts in my ask box it would be awesome because I want to see where you guys want me to take this.)

pt: 2 ___

“So I guess it’s just you and me till Friday.”

It was like every cell in your body started to reek havoc. Friday? That’s another 5 days alone with Baekhyun, not to mention that you had literally just watched him touch himself to the thought of you no longer than 5 minutes ago; and now you would have to spend 5 days trying not to attack him.

“That’s 5 days. What are we going to do for food?”

Baekhyun put his phone down onto the island that stood in the middle of the kitchen, “I guess my mom left us $200 in emergency money, so that should be good enough, right?” The last word left his lips a little shaky.

“Yeah that should be fine.” You started to walk towards the window, trying to hide the fact that your face had turned a bright shade of pink.

You heard Baekhyun take a deep inhale in, and then his footsteps heading in your direction until he was standing right beside you, looking out towards the lake and many trees.

“Is… Is that okay?” Baekhyun questions, “Because if it isn’t then I understand, I can call my mom and tell them to come home immed…”

He was cut off by your words “Baekhyun it’s okay, I promise. I could really use 5 days to get away from my mom’s constant dancing and blabbling and my Dad talking about golf literally 24/7” you giggled turning to see that Baekhyun was laughing along too.

“Yeah and my Mom’s terrible songs she makes up when she’s doing random tasks,” he starts to tap the glass of the window “or how my Dad literally falls asleep everywhere that he sits for more than 10 minutes.” the way he laughs is only making you laugh harder, “and don’t even get me started on my brother’s constant ‘I’m an athlete mom, not a housemaid’.” he says in the deepest voice he can possibly manage. He sighs “Let’s just make these next five days fun.“ he says turning to meet your eyes, and once again you find yourself melting by the sight of his smile, it really is your favorite thing about him.

You turn back to the window, "Agreed.”

Baekhyun stops tapping on the window and puts his hand down, accidentally brushing yours. You fight the chill coursing through your body.

You turn on your heel to head to the various cupboards displayed across the kitchen, “well first we have to figure out what were gonna eat for lunch.” You shuffle through the various canned items.

During your search for at least something that could possibly work to eat, you felt Baekhyun’s hands on your hips behind you, you freeze. He looks over your shoulder as if this was an innocent act.

“Why don’t we have some ravioli?” His grip on your hips loosened till they were no more.

“Yeah…” with shaky hands you grab the two cans “…sure.”

Baekhyun takes a seat at the island, “Is everything okay?” He asks with fake confusion in his face, he knew what he was doing.

“Yeah I’m fine. Uh… do you want orange juice or canada dry?”

“Canada dry is good.” He sits up straight. “So about the room situation…”

You turn to face him.

“I think it’s too cold at night for us to… sleep apart.” You flush at his words.

You turn back around so you could finish making the food, “Yeah, it really was freezing last night.”

“I felt like I was gonna get frostbite.”

“Yeah I could tell, you were strangling me.” you laugh.

“YAH at least you were warm!” he smirks, “You were enjoying the sight too.”

You flush. “Shut up!” You throw an ice cube at him from the freezer.

He throws his arms up in defeat, “Okay okay, you were just strangled… totally not staring at me while I slept.”

You had no words. Glaring, you threw another ice cube at him.

“Hey! Stop that!” He laughs covering his body to block further cubes.

You place the Ravioli in front of him, “Your majesty.” You say with a bow.

“Thank you my humble servant.” Baekhyun says returning your bow.

You two sit at the island. “Weren’t we supposed to have PB&J’s?” Baekhyun asks turning to you.

You laugh “I totally forgot.” ___

You find yourself laying on the couch, reading Fahrenheit 451. A pouty Baekhyun enters the room, “y/n I’m bored.” He lifts your legs from the couch and sits, placing them in his lap.

‘This little shit’ was all you could really think.

You sat up, legs still in his lap. “Well what would you like to do?”

He pauses, thinking for a second “Hold on.” Baekhyun takes your legs off his lap and stands, placing them back down on the couch, and heads into your shared room. He returns with his portable speaker and stands with his phone in hand, trying to connect it. Out from the speaker blasts Strawberry Afternoons by Lonely Benson.

He holds out his hand, “Dance with me?” he asks with puppy dog eyes. You sigh, placing your bookmark back in your book and putting it on the table to stand. You take his hand and he starts swinging you, twirling you, and moving all over the cabin with you. You both are laughing as you dance together. Just as Baekhyun goes to twirl you, within an instant both of his feet fly up from beneath him as he lands on his back. You couldn’t contain your laughter and had to get on the floor as you held your stomach, tears streaming from your eyes trying to ask if he was okay through your cackling. Baekhyun groaned but as soon as he saw you he started laughing too. Soon you both were rolling around on the floor laughing so hard it had almost become painful.

“That was” you heave “the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time.” still on the floor. Your abs and face hurt.

“Shut up.” He smiles, pushing your shoulder.

Brushing some loose strands of hair out of your face You sit up, “What time is it?”

Baekhyun sits up for a brief second to look at the clock on the stove, “2:07am″ he lays back on the floor, massaging his cheeks from the laughter.

You stand, “come on, I wanna show you something.” You put out your hand. Hesitating for only a second, he takes it, allowing you to lead him.

You climb the wooden ladder that leads into the loft, with Baekhyun right behind you “your brother showed this to my sister and I a couple years ago and made us promise not to tell you about it.”

He pouts, “What, why?”

“You were being a quote ‘little asshole’ that day I guess.” You giggle, finally reaching the loft. You head towards the little walk in closet just to the right of the room. Walking inside you look up, a small trap door placed in the middle. You turn to Baekhyun, “give me boost will ya?” Giving him your leg, he cupped his hands and hoisted you up. You grabbed the little latch on the trap door and pulled it down, a wooden staircase falling down with it.

“What the hell” Baekhyun whispered.

You started to go up the stairs, until you climbed into an attic. It was small and smelled of dust and who knows what from over the years. The room was shaped like a triangle with a window to the left and various boxes that covered the floor.

You turned around to see Baekhyun studying the room, “why did you bring me up here?”

As your answer, you opened the window. “You trust me?” he nods, “then come on.”

You climb out of the window. The view is absolutely stunning; the moon shines on the still lake perfectly, and you could see all the lights going down the mountain, lighting up the forest just a bit.

“This is the roof.” Baekhyun states after climbing out the window too.

You nod, “Your brother used to take my sister up here when he had a crush on her Junior year.” You laugh a little, still staring at the scenery around you.

He turns to face you. “What now?”

You sit, and look out, your hands finding the wood beneath you to fiddle with the broken off pieces and Baekhyun takes a seat right next to you, “So tell me about life…” you blink up at him. “You know your favorite things, how life’s going, where you want to travel. You know things like that.” He adds, waiting for some sort of answer.

“Well, life’s pretty good. I’m top 2% at our school and I just got offered a scholarship for Golf from NYC and an Art scholarship from UCLA.”

“Besides focusing on school every second of your life, what do you like to do?” Baekhyun presses. When you look at him, his attention is fully on you, he actually wants to hear about it.

“I don’t know, I uh… I like to draw and paint, and music is sometimes my everything. I really like plants so I care for my garden. And writing, Oh I could write or read, or maybe even both for hours,” you babble “and I really really like to watch movies.”

Baekhyun smiled, “Which movies?”

“I don’t know there’s so many,” You look up at the sky, thinking. “I fall in love with practically every movie I watch. I guess mostly 80′s movies.”

Baekhyun lights up, “Really? Me too!”

You smile at his enthusiasm. “My Dad and I always watch 80′s movies, like hmm… The Karate Kid, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, The Breakfast Club, Rocky 1-a friken million, Full Metal Jacket, Pretty Woman. All those movies.”

“Or The Outsiders, Back to the Future, Pretty in Pink, Ghost Busters, A Christmas Story, The Goonies…” he continues with his eyes closed trying to think. “Oh! or the Princess Bride, Stand By Me.”

“Yes! All those!” You squeal.

Baekhyun smiles and you shiver, half from it being like 15 degrees outside, and from his goddamn smile.

“It’s cold.” You murmur, hugging yourself.

Baekhyun stands, “Hold on, I’ll be right back.” Disappearing into the attic. He reappeared about a minute and a half later with a thick flannel blanket. “It’s the thickest one I could find.” He sits as close to you as he can and wraps the blanket around both of you. You melt into his warmth as you both sit in comfortable silence, looking out at the lake.

“Hey,” Baekhyun breaks the silence. “I just.. Look. I’m sorry for being so mean to you all these years. I know that I was cruel and you don’t have to forgive me, just know that I’m sorry.” He’s looking up at the stars, trying to avoid eye contact.

“Baekhyun,” He looks down at you. “I forgive you. I knew it wasn’t the real you.” You smile sweetly at him, giving him reassuring eyes.

“Thank you.” He says before wrapping his arm around your shoulders, pulling you into a hug. “So what kind of music do you like?” ___

You can see the sky turning different shades of pink and blue, the signs that the sun is about to rise.

“What time is it?” Baekhyun asks, he had his head on your shoulder playing with the fringe at the end of the flannel.

“Erm…” You take your phone out of your pocket. “Approximately 5:43am.” You state, tucking your phone back into it’s previous place.

Baekhyun shifts so he can look at you. “Are you tired?”

“Not really.”

You and Baekhyun had spent hours just talking about life in general, about people, about the world, everything. It was nice to finally see him for him.

“Do you wanna go swimming?”

You look down at him, his head still on your shoulder. “Right now?” he looks at you and nods. “But isn’t the water freezing?”

Baekhyun sits up, “So, it’s freezing all day, what’s the difference? Please please please.” He implored, giving you those puppy eyes again.

You give a long dramatic sigh, “Fine, I guess the sunrise will be beautiful from the water.”

Baekhyun shoots you a toothy grin before grabbing both the blanket and your wrist to drag you downstairs.

As he starts to walk towards the door you stop in confusion, “Wait. Are you not gonna get your trunks?”

Baekhyun turns around, “No” a smirk is played across his face.

Dear god.

You walk out the door and follow Baekhyun as you reach the lake. There’s a small wooden pier that Baekhyun takes you to the end of.

“Do you want to go first?” He asks as you look down at the water.

“Were going in fully clothed?” You ask confused.

Baekhyun looks at you, you watch as his fingers hook underneath the hem of his shirt before he pulls it off. “No, were not going in fully clothed.” And there it is again, that damn smirk that you can’t seem to get away from. Baekhyun continues with his shorts as you watch, frozen. It wasn’t until he was about to pull off his boxers you turn the opposite direction, until you hear a splash. You turn around to see a happy Baekhyun swimming in the light blue water. “Come on y/n, it’s almost sunrise.”

Shit. You start with your shirt, crossing your arms to pull it over your head. You close your eyes praising yourself for deciding to wear a cute bra today. Next you unbuttoned your shorts, pushing them down your legs, kicking them off when they reached your ankles. You turned away from Baekhyun to unhook your bra, letting the straps fall down your arms and then throwing it aside, covering yourself with your right arm. You look behind you to see Baekhyun’s eyes trailing up and down your backside.

“Hey turn around!” You scold, blushing at his intrusion. When he turns around you pull down your panties and try to slowly ease your way into the ice cold water. It was just shallow enough so you could stand, but also deep enough to cover your chest. As you refocus your gaze, you see Baekhyun turned away from you, looking at the pink sun just now peeking out from behind the trees. The sky was a beautiful mixture of pink, purple, and light oranges. You hike up the courage and swim till you’re standing right beside him. Suddenly Baekhyun puts an arm around your bare waist, constricting so that you’re close to him, your entire body heating up with something close to embarrassment. His hand travels up and down your side, feeling your skin beneath his touch. You’ve never experienced anything like this before, his touch, the feeling of his flesh pressed against yours is driving you over the edge. As you look down you can see his cock below the water, inviting you to touch, to taste. Your mouth starts to salivate knowing that he can probably see you just as well as you can see him, making you press your legs together as you remember the way his cock looked in his hands yesterday. You blush at the dirty thoughts that flood your mind, at how hard you’re pressing your thigh together. Just as you thought he was going to make a move, he swims in the opposite direction.

Goddamnit he’s such a tease.

“Ah I’ve never felt so free.” Baekhyun dips his head below the water, wetting his hair. “Y/n, this is the best idea I’ve had in ages.”

You start to swim around too, splashing Baekhyun occasionally when he decides to be an ass. ___

You rush inside going straight to the bathroom so you could peel off your cold wet clothes. You start to panic when you realize you don’t have any extra clothes with you and both towels are currently in the wash.

“Baekhyun.” You peek your head out from behind the door.

He comes out of the room and stands in the hallway, laughing lightly at your appearance.

“Can you bring me some clothes?” You ask trying as hard as you possibly could to not let him catch a glimpse of your body behind the door.

Baekhyun smiles a mischievous smile. “Sure.” He heads into the room and you could feel his smile radiating through you as he entered the hallway and gave you the small wad of clothes in his hand.

“Thanks.” You say high pitched and fast as you close the door almost too fast. When you unravel the wad of clothes you see that it’s just a large white plain t-shirt and a pair of pink panties. “Are you fucking kidding me.” you whisper to yourself. But its all you’ve got, so you put them on, tugging down the hem of the shirt as you walk out of the bathroom.

When you walk into the room Baekhyun is laying down on the bed, scrolling through something on his phone. When he looks up at you he smiles and opens his arms for you to come and lay down next to him, “C’mon, let’s at least get a couple hours of sleep.” You smile, crossing the room to crawl into bed with him, forgetting entirely about your lack of clothing. Baekhyun wraps his arms and legs around you just as he did the previous night, and you found yourself falling asleep faster than you had anticipated. ___

You wake up to an empty bed. Grabbing your phone from your nightstand you read 12:57pm. You stretch your limbs and think about the events that took place yesterday and this morning. It’s so crazy how literally a couple days ago Baekhyun was just the guy that hated you, that always made it certain that he didn’t care for you, the guy that you avoided to spare your own feelings.

You’re knocked out of your thoughts by a couple noises coming from the kitchen. You unwrap yourself from all the blankets and go to your suitcase to look for some shorts and a clean bra to put on. When you’re finished dressing you head out to the kitchen where you see Baekhyun sitting peacefully playing on his laptop at the dining room table.

He looks up to see you standing there “hey.” he says, standing to walk towards you. As he reaches you he places both hands on your waist and looks down at you, your face beet red as you stare up at him. Jesus Christ, what’s with him always grabbing your waist if he’s not gonna do anything further.

He smirks and lets go of you, walking into the kitchen to open up the fridge. He pulls out a Canada Dry and a string cheese. Still smirking he turns to face you. “You know you sleep talk.” ________________________________________________________________

Authors note: Thanks for reading! Please please please, if you have any requests or suggestions for what you want to see in Part 3 please don’t be afraid to leave them in my ask box also with other request for senerios, smuts, drabbles, reactions, etc.

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