#ineffable husbands x reader

[ghoulie-67-baby]

Softly now - Good Omens

Summary: Your anxiety has been raging all day, one accident at home makes you snap.

Warnings: Anxiety, depression, panic attack, anxiety attack, angst, crying, blood/wound.

Pairing: Ineffable husbands x Human!reader.

Word count: 1,674.

To say today had been challenging was an understatement. Nothing particularly bad had happened. The mix of work and anxiety had me in a spiral, wanting to go home and curl up away from the world. After finishing my shift, I trudged home in the pouring rain, the sound of droplets on my hood keeping me grounded. I knew Crowley wouldn't have had any issue picking me up but it felt like a burden and my head was telling me he'd be annoyed if I asked. So I settled for the walk in the dingy weather.

Dodging puddles, I yanked my coat collar around my throat, shivering as raindrops trickled down my face, leaving tear-like streaks on my cheeks. Luckily the bag containing my laptop and books had been miracled by Aziraphale to stay waterproof and protected by any weather. Despite the calm look on my face, the bustle and noise of the streets had my eyes darting around. My heart thundered in my chest as the bookshop came into view, looking as beautiful as ever. I sped up, gasping as people barged into me in their rush.

With clenched, freezing hands, I shoved open the heavy wooden door and huffed out a sigh, slamming it behind me and locking out the world. My forehead reacted against the hardwood as I flipped the sign to 'closed'. I knew nobody would be in the shop, especially if Aziraphale had anything to do with it.

After a few minutes of unmoving silence, I wandered to the kitchen and flicked on the kettle. A good cup of tea made everything better. There was no sign of the angel or demon as I walked through our home so I settled for one cup. Moving around the familiar space, my mind zoned out and I was set on autopilot.

I jumped out of my head as the sound of shattering filled the room. Shards of delicate, precious china scattered over the floor the beautiful flower pattern ruined. Anger and irritation flooded through me as I glared at the mess. Tears gathered in my eyes as I rushed to clean it, guilt crawling up my spine.

With trembling hands, I gathered some of the shards together to throw them away whilst trying to ignore the feeling rising man my throat.

"Love, let me take that from you." I froze as the Angel's voice floated through the silence. I hadn't even noticed him arrive home. With a quick shake of my head, I walked to the bin to throw them away but flinched as a large shard sliced my palm.

"Oh Y/N, you've cut your hand now." He tutted, reprimanding my stubbornness but I couldn't look at him. Instead, I trudged to the sink, rinsing the gash with a hiss and wrapping it in a towel. A warm hand rested against my icy shoulder as I watched the blood run down the drain.

"Darling, you need to let us help you." Crowley followed not far behind the angel with a disapproving look on his slender face. I watched silently as he unwrapped the bloody towel and grabbed the first aid kit to clean it properly. By this point, Aziraphale had cleaned up the remainder of the cup and droplets of blood from the tiles.

"You should really be more careful Love," The angel stood making hot chocolate, concern painting his face. I nodded silently, biting back a sob as tears filled my eyes. My chest began to heave as the demon bandaged my palm.

Only when a tear splashed on his hand did he realise the streaks on my face and the heads of my breaths as my good hand clutched the countertop, knuckles turning white. I stared straight ahead at his jacket, frustrated with myself. I squeezed my eyes shut, begging the tears to stop but it only worsened as waves of anxiety and guilt crashed over me.

Crowley caught me by my elbows to steady me as the first sobs escaped, swaying as my senses erupted with overstimulation. With ringing ears, I tried to listen as he spoke but words seemed to bleed into each other.

The only clear sound was my wails and whimpers as I tried to breathe, the room closing on me. Embarrassment filled me as I clawed at Crowley's chest, pulling him as close as physically possible so I didn't feel like I was sinking. Slender fingers passed me to chubbier ones as the blur of beige of Aziraphale's jacket came into view.

"Softly now, Love," he whispered into my ear. My breath caught in my throat as I cried into his chest which I had all but fallen into. The hum of his voice vibrated through my body as his fingers traced patterns on my back, the other hand smoothing down my hair. I couldn't help but feel bad for cuddling him when he was warm and soft and I was cold and soaked but he didn't seem to mind.

Warmth flowed over me and I looked down to find myself in Crowley's black sweater and Aziraphale tartan pyjama pants. I hummed thanks to the angel as my sobs died down into silent tears and hiccups. I clenched my fingers into his waistcoat, knees trembling and head pounding with such ferocity that I felt nauseous.

"Now, Love, whatever managed to get you in this state?" His voice was gentle, ringing softly in my ear, the definition of angelic.

"Rough day is all." My voice was exhausted and small as I muttered against his chest.

"Did something happen, Darling?" I shook my head, taking note of the pissed-off tone in his voice. "You know I'll be the first to punish them if you need me to."

"Nothing happened, 'just been a bad day." I drew patterns on his chest. "All day I've had this niggling feeling in my chest and small things have built up and then when the cup smashed it was just the last straw." I trailed off, new tears dripping off my cheeks. "Didn't mean to break it Azira, just lost focus and-" His soft hushing cut me off as his fingers scratched gently at my scalp.

"You don't need to apologise, Love, as long as your okay." The relief that overtook my system was ridiculously strong and deep down I knew he wasn't really fussed about the cup but I needed to hear it. "It's just a cup. It is replaceable whereas you are not." I dismissed the flush on my cheeks as I pulled away from his chest, looking up at him. Sparkling blue eyes stared down at me with a soft smile as I rubbed my thumb over his cheek.

"Why don't we go and get comfortable whilst our angel finishes that drink, Darling?" I nodded, pressing a kiss to Aziraphale's cheek before taking Crowley's hand and following him to the bedroom.

Flinging his sunglasses on the bedside table, he sat on the edge of the bed. Serpent eyes looked up at me expectantly and though I tried to stop it, my bottom lip trembled. His arms stretched open for me and I fell into them with a cry of anguish.

His slender arms wrapped my legs around him so we were chest to chest, hands holding me tightly around him as I cried into his neck. My cry in the kitchen had been one Of pain, panic, anger and frustration at myself and the world. But this one was relief, pent-up emotion and overwhelming gratitude to my two celestials. I let myself into him, neither of us paying mind to my echoing wails or the tears that soaked his collar. Not even the way my cries shook both of our bodies.

Somehow, none of these things annoyed the demon who merely dismissed it for comforting me. Once I settled down, I lay boneless against him, head on his shoulder and body slouching whilst I caught my breath. I shifted my head to look up at him with puffy, tired eyes. My shaking hand rubbed his cheek, thumb grazing his cheekbone as he smiled down at me, letting his eyes flutter shut.

The shuffle of slippers at the door brought us back to reality but I didn't want to shift. Three steaming cups were placed on the nightstand before the bed dipped beside us.

"Feeling any better Darling?" The softness in the demon's voice caught me off guard for a second. I hummed out a yes, not having the energy for a better response, blinking tiredly as the world finally slowed down.

"Let's hop into bed whilst Crowley gets changed, Love." I nodded, crawling off his lap and flopping dramatically in the middle of the bed, beside a pyjama-clad angel. The fresh hot chocolate was placed in my hands once I sat up. I smiled as the heat seeped into my skin, sighing in delight as the sweet liquid ran down my throat. The two chuckled and Crowley climbed in beside me, gulping down his drink, mostly to appease Azira. The heat didn't bother him, it had no effect against hellfire.

A comfortable silence filled the room as we finished our drinks, basking in each other's company for a few moments. Rather quickly my eyes began to feel heavier. The cup was slipped from my grasp as I wiggled down under the covers, Crowley pressed reassuringly against my back.

"Hey Azira," I whispered, tapping his shoulder hesitantly. "Will you read to me?" The uncertainty dissipated immediately when he broke out in a smile and miracled a book with the flourish of his hand.

"It would be my pleasure, Love, do cuddle down and relax." The three of us got comfortable and I held Crowley's hand that draped over my waist as Aziraphale's voice floated to my ears, and the story began.

All three of us knew I wouldn't last long but he still happily read, knowing it would calm me and I might rest properly. And rightfully so, writhing minutes I had drifted off beside my two favourite beings.

[whynotjohnlock]

Aziraphale: Crowley, SLOW DOWN!

Y/N & Crowley: *More synchronized chaotic laughter*

Aziraphale: *Knows Crowley has no self worth*

Aziraphale: You'll get Y/N Killed!

Crowley: *Slams on the breaks* Oh I'm so sorry love, would you like to drive?

Y/N:

Y/N: Bold of you to assume I want to live-

Aziraphale: Why in heaven's name would you want death?

Y/N: Then I can go to live with Crowley In hell.

Crowley: Good point. *Slams the gas pedal and continues laughing demonically*

[avocado-writing]

Hey! Saw you had good omens requests open and decided to ask for one. If it's too weird, im sorry and just ignore this. Can you do an ineffable husband's x reader smut where the reader can't c*m (like due to medical reasons or messed up hormones), but Aziriphale and Crowley miracle them and allow them to have a pleasurable experience and have the experience of c*mming for the first time?

my dear anon, you don’t need to censor the word cum here. aziraphale x gn!reader x Crowley smut (minors dni)

It should have been good. 

Months of flirting with both of them - really, months - reciprocated in kind: long looks across dinner tables; touching hands when cups of tea were passed; a lingering gaze on lips. They were interested in you and you’d be a fool not to see it. 

So you’d let them take you out late one night. To a little bar where the three of you shared a deep conversation and a bottle of expensive merlot tucked away in a low-lit corner. Aziraphale traced his fingers up your inner thigh, Crowley reached in to gently take your earlobe between his teeth. 

There was an invitation you’d been waiting for, and you pounced at it. 

It should have been good. 

But even now, as you lie back and let them worship you with their bodies, self-consciousness creeps in. No matter how much you enjoy it - and you are enjoying it - there’s that nagging feeling in the back of your mind. The feeling that it’s pointless, that you aren’t going to get anywhere. That you’re going to ruin the whole thing. 

Without even realising it, a hot tear slips down your face and sinks into the feather pillow. Aziraphale notices and pauses immediately, inciting Crowley to do the same. 

“Darling, what’s the matter? Do you want us to stop?”

Aziraphale takes your hand in his and grips it, encouraging you to look at him. You swallow thickly. 

“Sorry. I’m just… oh god, it’s so silly…”

“It’s not silly if you’re upset. Tell us,” he says, softly, caringly. Crowley drops a reassuring kiss to your hip but goes no further. 

“I can’t… ah, you know,” you nod downwards. “It’s my medication. It makes it really hard for me to get there. I don’t want you to waste your time.”

Crowley and Aziraphale exchange a look that you can’t quite decipher before both of them look back to you. 

“Don’t be daft. It’s not a waste of time if we’re with you,” Crowley muses, swiping his thumb in the soft pit of your elbow. The sensation on your skin makes you shudder. 

“But—”

“Do you want to?” Aziraphale asks, pinning you with those beautiful brown eyes of his. “Do you want to come?”

He’s so earnest that you don’t find yourself embarrassed by the question. You just nod. 

Yes. More than anything. 

And then they’re on you again, soft and sweet. Aziraphale kisses you and you welcome his tongue into your mouth; Crowley nips a line down your sternum and settles on a nipple, teasing and biting. 

Their hands go between your legs. Your devil strokes you there, and your angel spreads you open and presses his fingers inside. 

“Oh,” you whisper, a wave of pleasure you’ve not felt before washing over you. 

“Just lie back,” Aziraphale hums, “let us do a little miracle. A tiny miracle won’t be noticed…”

Crowley chuckles with devilish delight at the idea, and you feel his magic surge into you. 

The orgasm Crowley gives you is white hot, burning like fire. Every part of your body is deliciously inflamed. Every sense working overtime, every nerve firing directly into your brain and flooding you with pleasure. You gasp, but it’s not over yet - as you ride the wave of it Aziraphale takes you there again. When he makes you come it rides over your body like a soft tide, caressing the inside of you, eking out your pleasure as he works you with his magic fingers. 

You come over their hands and collapse, not even aware you’d been tensing your body so much. 

“Oh my god,” you whisper, astounded. Crowley scoffs. 

“She didn’t have anything to do with it.”

You bring him up for a kiss as Aziraphale kisses down to between your legs, preparing for his second miracle of the night. 

Taglist: @angiestopit @dazed-soul @idontmeanto@smile-eywa @staygoldsquatchling02 @underratedboogeyman @specter-soltare @candlewitch-cryptic @cool-ontherun-world

[ineffablesuffering]

Where The Furniture Used to Be (Aziraphale x Crowley x Adopted!reader)

Hello! Welcome back! So this was a request from a lovely anon! (I hope you see this and you like it!) This is my very first attempt at angst so please be nice!

Pairing: (Aziraphale x Crowley x Adopted!reader)

Warnings: again like one swear word. Feels? (look i tried lmao)

Word Count: 2557

Note: To the other anon that sent me a request, I have seen it! It's been added to my list <3

Masterlist

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“This is ridiculous,” you huffed, “Why can’t I go outside?” the wind picked up outside the bookshop window.

Aziraphale sighed. They, Crowley and Aziraphale, had adopted you when they you were a teenager after noting some strange weather patterns that seemed otherworldly and out of place in London. They had followed the trails and it led them to you, a then-teenager who had trouble controlling their emotions. You were a witch, a bloody powerful one at that, who could control and manipulate the elements no spell or potion needed. It had taken time, but Crowley had connected that the change in weather had come directly from your emotions whether they meant it or not.  Aziraphale and Crowley had worked hard to conceal them from their respective ex-head offices, and it had been working. Until now. You see, Heaven and Hell had taken notice of the young witch and had been watching closely for quite some time. The power they had worried them immensely, they felt threatened by it. With the planning of The Second Coming, they didn’t have the time nor patience to put up with someone who could quickly stop it.

“I just don’t want anything to happen to you, my dear, at least let us accompany you,” Aziraphale said calmly.

“To me or to other people?” you snapped, “I am old enough to go and get a coffee myself Az. You don’t need to treat me like such a baby anymore. I’m not going to hurt anyone. I can control myself now. What could possibly happen to me huh? Nothing has ever happened to me, and nothing will. I can’t stay cooped up in here forever.” The wind continued to pick up outside.

“Oi!” Crowley said from his position on the sofa, “there’s no need to speak to Aziraphale like that. We’re just looking out for you that’s all.”

You let out a deep sigh and rubbed your temples; the wind slowly calming. You loved Aziraphale and Crowley so much and were very grateful to them for everything they had done. But this was too much. You could protect yourself, should anything ever happen to you. You were a grown adult, not the once out-of-control teenager you used to be.

“I’m sorry,” you sighed, “I just think it’s a bit silly that I can’t go 10 minutes down the road to grab a coffee, on my own.”

Aziraphale and Crowley shared a look. It wasn’t that they didn’t trust you, they just didn’t want any harm to come to you. You just looked at them, as they had a silent conversation debating on how they should handle the situation. Aziraphale sighed again and took your hands in his own.

“Okay, fine. You can go but come straight back.” Aziraphale said, softly but his tone suggested that there was no room for argument. A smile appeared on your face as you launched yourself into Aziraphale’s arms.

“Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!” you squealed, “I promise I won’t be long, and I’ll bring you back something too.”

Aziraphale chuckles as he returns the hug rubbing a hand up and down your back. “Just come straight back.” He said as he pulled away. You nodded and quickly made your way to Crowley.  

“Thank you!” you said as you gave Crowley a kiss on the cheek. Crowley just winks at you.

“I take my thanks in the form of a …”

“A big cup with 6 shots of espresso, yes I know,” you laughed interrupting him.

“That’s my little angel,” he said quietly and pressed a kiss to your hand.

You smiled as you made your way out of the bookshop. “Bye! Love you!” you said closing the door behind you.

“I do hope we made the right decision,” Aziraphale said sitting down next to Crowley, taking his hand in his.

“They’ll be fine Angel,” Crowley said, “Just have a little bit of faith,” he said kissing the angel's cheek before standing up and sauntering off into the kitchen to make Aziraphale a cup of tea.

You walked down the street towards the coffee shop with a smile on your face as you took in the scenes around you. There were cars driving up and down the street, the sun was shining, and a cool autumn breeze swirled around you. It truly seemed to be the perfect afternoon. As you walked with almost a skip in your step, you bumped into someone.

“Oh shit, I’m so sorry,” you said to the stranger. The stranger was a woman dressed in white with neat dark hair.

“Watch where you’re walking,” said the stranger.

“Sorry!” you said and continued on your way.

You reached the coffee shop just moments later, and praise be, there was no queue. The shop was particularly empty except for a woman who was sat at a table dressed in white but with beautiful dark skin. Strange you thought, that’s two women in white suits in the last few minutes. Maybe they’re getting married. You shrugged the thought off as you ordered an iced latte for yourself, a large cup with six shots of espresso for Crowley and a vanilla slice for Aziraphale. You paid and thanked the barista and waited for your order. You turned around and saw the woman at the table staring at you. You offered a friendly smile, but the woman just kept on staring at them. “Okay then,” you said under your breath.

You thank the barista when they hand you your order and make your way back to the bookshop. You take a sip of the iced latte and make a face. You didn’t order any syrup in your latte, but it tasted awfully like almonds, and that’s the last thing you remember before everything went black.

Back at the bookshop, Aziraphale was pacing. “They should be back by now,” he stressed as he walked.

“I’m sure they just bumped into a friend or something Angel,” Crowley responded trying to calm Aziraphale, but deep down he knew that something wasn’t right.

“It's been over an hour Crowley,” Aziraphale said glancing out the window to see if he could spot you.

“I know Angel, they’ll be fine,” Crowley said standing up and walking over to Aziraphale placing a hand on his shoulder.

Aziraphale turned to face Crowley and buried his head in his shoulder. Crowley wraps his arms around the angel, soothing him by running a hand up and down his back. Much like how Aziraphale had done to Y/N not too long ago. “Can we go look for them?” Aziraphale mumbled into Crowley’s shoulder.

“Would it make you feel better?” Crowley asked pulling away so he could look him in the eyes. Aziraphale just nodded and Crowley sighed. “C’mon then Angel.”

Aziraphale and Crowley walked down the same streets that Y/N had. The sun was still bright in the sky, the cool breeze whipping around them, but something wasn’t right. They could feel it. They turned the corner and stopped. On the middle of the pavement, there were two dropped coffees and a dropped paper bag which seemed to contain a vanilla slice. The angel and demon turned to each other as their hearts dropped to their stomachs.

You awoke to a bright light and a pounding headache. Your hands bound to a chair and a white rag in your mouth. You wince as you opened your eyes to see the two women from earlier standing before you hold a book.

“What is going on?” you tried to speak, but the rag prevented the words from coming out.

The woman with the neat dark hair snapped her fingers and the rag disappeared.

“You! You’re the women from earlier!” you thrash, trying to break free of the material that held you to the chair.

“Women?” the woman said, “We are the Archangels Michael,” they pointed and themselves “and Uriel,” they continued pointing to the other woma- angel, “and you must be Y/N,” they said a hint of disgust in their voice.

“What’s it to you?” you snap trying to burn your way through the material bounding you to the chair.

“Oh, that won’t work here, Y/N,” said Archangel Uriel, “your gifts are of no use to you in heaven.”

You froze. Heaven? Panic coursed through your veins like ice. “No, no, no, no.” you panicked.

“Oh yes, Y/N,” the Archangel Michael smiled. “You get quite the view from up here.”

“How do you even know who I am anyway?” You said.

“We’ve been watching you for quite some time now. Quite the stir you’ve made upstairs and downstairs. You’ve had us all quite worried,” spoke Uriel.

Your head was spinning. You knew about Heaven and Hell. You always have for as long as you’ve had your powers, that wasn’t the surprise. You knew Aziraphale was an angel and Crowley a demon, so coming face to face with two Archangels wasn’t a huge shock to the system. No, what panicked you the most was that you were up here and Aziraphale and Crowley were nowhere to be seen.

“W-What have you done to them?” you shouted.

“To who?” Uriel cocks their head.

“Aziraphale and Crowley!” you cried. “Where are they?”

“You mean The Traitor and the Demon?” Michael starts, “Oh nothing, it’s not as if they’ll even know who you are in a minute anyway,” they gestured to the book that Uriel held. You’d know that book anywhere.

“Is that?” you say suddenly getting quiet.

“You’re a clever witch, aren’t you?” Uriel said condescendingly.

“But I haven’t done anything!” you shout.

“Ah, not yet you haven’t,” Uriel starts “but we can’t have you interfering with The Second Coming now, can we?”

The Second what now? Fear and dread slowly started to fill your body from your head to your toes. They were going to erase you from The Book of Life. Tears filled your eyes as the reality of your situation dawned on you. You were at a loss for words as Uriel opened the book and handed it to Michael. Your thoughts ran wild as they smiled at you. You felt as if you were about to throw up.

Suddenly, doors opened to your left and voices shouted.

“Let them go!”

“What do you think you are doing!”

It was Aziraphale and Crowley running towards you. Aziraphale snapped his fingers, and you were freed from your restraints. You threw yourself into Crowley's arms and sobbed as Crowley caught you and stroked your hair. “You’re okay my little angel,” he whispered in your ear. Aziraphale stood in front of you both.

“What is the meaning of all this?” Aziraphale demanded.

“Ah, so glad you could join us,” Michael smiled, “We were just about to get started.”

Aziraphale froze when he saw what was in Michael's hands. He turned to Crowley, a wild expression on his face. Crowley tilted his head, confused until he too saw what Michael was holding. His hand froze on your hair.

“That’s not?” Crowley started, suddenly moving you behind him. Aziraphale nodded weakly, not knowing what to say or do. He turned to face Uriel and Michael.

“You can’t do that,” he stepped forward, but Uriel snapped their fingers, and he couldn’t move any further. He was stuck, and panic took over his body. “You wouldn’t, they haven’t done anything!” he shouted. His worst nightmare had suddenly become a reality. He was going to lose you and he couldn’t do anything about it.

Crowley tried to make a dash for The Book of Life, but it was no use, he wasn’t fast enough and soon he was also stuck in place, right next to Aziraphale. “You can’t do this!” he roared, fear washing over him. Michael and Uriel ignored them as they found your name in the book. You rushed in front of Aziraphale and Crowley, you turned and faced the two Archangels.

“Please, don’t do this,” you beg tears rolling down your face, “you can’t do this!” Uriel hands Michael a feather. “I promise I won’t cause any bother. I won’t!” you tried to bargain but it was no use.

“That’s not a risk we are willing to take,” said Michael and with one swift stroke, crossed your name out of The Book of Life, and disappeared.

You turned to face Aziraphale and Crowley and stumbled forward feeling slightly tingly. You felt arms around you as Aziraphale and Crowley were released from their holds as now, there was nothing they could do.

“No, no, no, no!” Crowley shouted as he grasped onto you. You could see tears fall from Aziraphale's eyes as he stroked your hair.

“It’s okay,” you said to them bringing a hand to each of their faces, tears still rolling down your face. “It’s going to be okay,” you whisper quietly.

“How can you say that Y/N?” Aziraphale whispers.

“Because in a few seconds, you won't even remember who I was. You won’t feel any pain.” You whisper to them, noticing that your hands were fading. This was it. A sob wracked through Crowley, his emotions getting the best of him. You feel his lips touch your forehead.

“You’ll always be my little angel Y/N,” he whispers into your hair, pressing another soft kiss to the crown of your head.

“I love you both so much.” You said, feeling yourself fade away.

“We love you too, so much,” Aziraphale whispers into your hair, kissing your head softly, and with that, you faded away in their arms.

A few days later, Aziraphale and Crowley were in the bookshop. Aziraphale had decided to close the shop today, not feeling like opening up. He sat at his desk a strange feeling in his stomach like something was missing but he couldn’t quite place what it was. He sighed and stood up from his desk and made his way to the kitchen to make a cup of tea. He found Crowley standing there staring at a cup of coffee.

“Everything alright my dear?” he asked.

“Hmm?” Crowley responded looking at him.

“I asked if everything is alright?”

“Oh, yeah m’fine.” He said with a sigh, “Do you ever feel like something isn’t quite right?” he asked Aziraphale after a moment.

“You know I was just thinking about that myself,” he said leaning next to him on the kitchen counter. “I’ve just felt rather, unfulfilled recently and I can’t seem to place why.” He frowned.

“Me too,” Crowley said reverting his attention back to his coffee. “It’s very strange, it feels like looking into a house you used to own and trying to place where the furniture used to be but you just can't.”

“That’s an oddly specific way of putting it.”

“But I’m not wrong.”

“No,” Aziraphale sighed, “you are not.”

They stood in silence for a minute before Aziraphale spoke up again. “I’m sure it will pass; all things pass in the end.”

Crowley looked at the angel with a bemused look on his face, “Did you just quote George Harrison?”

Aziraphale blushed “Maybe,”

“You surprise me every day Angel.” Crowley said with a chuckle, “C’mon make your tea and I’ll get you in the main room.” He said sauntering off.

So, life went on as it always had for Aziraphale and Crowley, though they could never shift that feeling that something, or rather someone, was missing.

[unabashednightmarepizza]

While you write poly aziracrow (no pressure) do you have any recs?👀

I think I've read everything there is to find :(

Hi, hello! You are very sweet! It's definetly not pressuring since I'm already writing for them but you're right, omg there is so little of poly!ineffable husbands x reader 😔☹️

One of the reasons why I started doing the God's work, obviously, basically writing the fanfiction of the fanfiction of God..? Is that what Good Omens authors do?

Anyways, I don't know if you had read them before, but here is some of my personal ones:

- The Light, The Dark and The Spaces In Between

- This hurt/comfort fic

-This Blurb where they teach reader to drive the Bentley

- This lovely fic( which is the third part of the first fic)

-Shelter of Wings

- Two Turtle Doves

- Hugs and other intimacies

- Ugly Christmas Jumpers

- Feathers( and also my all times favourites)

- Are you trying to romance me?

- To Your Days Off

-This Good Omens Oneshot book on Wattpad( includes all the characters)

Taggings: @avocado-writing, @bakerstreethound, @starks-hero, @witches-and-cows @asphodelsandpomegranates THANK YOU ALL FOR WRITING SUCH AMAZING STORIES💞🥰❤️

They are all with reader insert, if you are looking for something else( Like with Gabriel? You can search in the AO3. There are some of them too!)

I hope I was able to help!

[book-place]

Fears and Facing Them

Warnings: none (I think), let me know if I missed any :)

Pairings: Ineffable Husbands x daughter reader

Request: Crowley x Aziraphale x child reader (6 years old maybe), who caught Crowley in snake form and got scared because they have Ophidiophobia but after being comforted by Aziraphale, the child accepts it and actually likes to play with Crowley (crowley thinks the child is annoying but still loves the child) while he's in his snake form

Request by: @popfishjr

*not my gif*

Summary: You felt better about conquering your fear knowing it was just your father

A/N: Not proof read- I’m in a rush so I’ll do it later :)

Please don’t plagiarize my work, you may reblog if you like but I’m asking that you don’t steal my hard work

You hummed an off tune melody to yourself quietly as you stacked legos together from where you lay, sprawled out on your living room floor.

Your fathers were both upstairs, to your knowledge, but you were fine with that. Contempt in your own little world of play.

That was, until a small hissing sound rang out and reached your ears, so faint that you almost couldn’t hear it as you placed another lego piece together with another.

With that, you paused, head turning from side to side in confusion as you tried to locate the source of the noise. When you came up empty handed though, you simply shrugged and went back to your building blocks as if nothing had happened.

When the hiss sounded again though, you could no longer ignore it, your curiosity getting the better of you.

Quickly, you dropped your toys and rose to your feet, eyes narrowed as they scanned the room for any sign of where the noise was coming from.

That’s when your eyes landed on it- or him.

Crowley didn’t know what he was doing to be completely honest, he knew that you had a fear of snakes- or Ophidiophobia, as Aziraphel kept reminding him. But he hadn’t thought anything of it when he transformed into his reptile form, if not to simply have the feel of it again. He had thought you were in your room however, or he probably never would have done it.

As soon as your eyes latched onto your- unknown to you- father, you let out a horrible shriek and quickly scampered up onto the nearby couch, trying to put as much distance between you and the snake as possible.

Crowley paused, confusion overtaking his senses as he momentarily forgot about your fear for the animal, and just sat there, staring up at you.

There was a clatter behind him as Aziraphel rushed down the stairs in order to see what was going on.

“What ever is the matter, young one?” Your father asked, striding over and scooping you up into his warm hold.

“Snake, papa!” You cried, “Snake!”

The angels eyes drifted over to his husband for the first time since entering the room and the reality of the situation seemed to click in both of their heads at the same time.

Right away, Crowley transformed back, not wanting to frighten you more than he already had, watching as your eyes went wide.

“Hush, it’s alright, darling. There, there.” Aziraphel soothed, throwing Crowley an extremely rare harsh look as he rubbed up and down your back.

“D-dad?” You hiccuped, looking at the demon with wide eyes.

He hesitated before nodding, “Yes, it’s me, child.”

“W-why were you a-a sn-snake?” You stuttered out, resting your cheek against Aziraphels shoulder.

“It’s- that’s just something I can do.” He admitted, sounding meek for the first time in a long while.

“You’re just the snake?” You asked softly, “It’s not a scary monster?”

Crowley felt as if his heart melted when you unknowingly admitted that you didn’t think he was a scary monster- unlike the rest of the world.

A silence settled over your little family before you spoke up again, small bursts of confidence seeping into your question, “Can you turn back into a snake?”

Your father hesitated, looking to his husband, only to not be offered an answer. But after a moment, he did what you asked.

Instead of shrieking and cowering away like he had expected you to, you just stood there for a few seconds, blinking down at him, before slowly peeling yourself from your fathers hold and approaching the other one in snake form.

Then, without any sign of fear or hesitation, you reached over and patted the top of his head, “Hi, daddy.” You giggled.

It might have been hard to see, but snake-Crowley grinned oh so very bright in that moment.

Ineffable Husbands 😇- @popfishjr @etanordoesbullsh1t

[thedemonknownasbilly]

Awesome!

If you're willing, could I request headcanons for Aziraphale x Crowley x gender neutral reader where reader is chubby and insecure about their appearance?

Oh, Darling - HC for Ineffable Husbands with Chubby!Reader

Absolutely! Sorry for the delay, it was around midnight for me when I replied to the first anon, and I was just knocked out right after!

Ineffable Husbands x GN!Reader

Any and all pet names/compliments are meant as GN!

Mentions ED/Skipping meals (that’s more of a personal touch on my end as someone who is a bit curvier than average)

So let’s cover how they treat you separately, since as much as they try to be, they aren’t always attached at the hip.

Crowley

To be honest it took him a minute to even notice, ethereal (occult) beings don’t typically fuss or pay attention to “human flaws”

You guys would have met at the park bench, he was waiting for Aziraphale, and his was the only bench with a spot open.

“Could I sit here?”

“Hm?” He’d look up from his newspaper and will any blush on his cheeks to discorporate “yeah, yeah, he’s running late so I’m sure I’ll be leaving soon.”

You’d start talking to the ducks, and he was a goner, slowly joining in your conversation and just having a grand time with you.

When Aziraphale finally showed up, Crowley left you his number and told you to text him the next time you wanted to talk about anything.

He gushed about you and your knowledge of ducks to Aziraphale, who teased his husband over this crush.

After a good thousand texts, a few hang outs, and Aziraphale’s okay after a lengthy conversation, Crowley asked you out, and ofc you said yes.

He absolutely adores your curves, never seeing them as a flaw.

Won’t stand for any blasphemy you might have to say against it.

He will happily curl himself around you, slender fingers on your hips as he adorns you in kisses.

He notices some days you’ll shy away from his touch, and he never wants you uncomfortable.

But one day you had shied away all day, (he always kept track) he’d even say you were almost flinching from his touch.

This worried him, every situation he conjured in his head was that he had upset you or maybe that you didn’t even love him anymore.

So it certainly made you have to repress a sad giggle when you saw those sad yellow eyes look up at you as he asked, “is there another?”

“Never in a million years, my darling.” And with that he relaxed and sat beside you, noticing how you pressed yourself to the side of the couch.

“Then what’s with this, why won’t you let me touch you..?” He was always big on boundaries and respect, but usually he was given a sort of heads up, not just thrusted into a new rule.

“It’s silly…”

“If it’s important to you, it’s important to me.”

You’d go on to explain everything, how you’d always been the bigger kid, how the curves and rolls of your body often were topics of things your exes hated about you. The bullying, the lack of food, the unaffordable research on surgery even. “But even then, I’m scared you’ll realize I’m not worth the pain that a human comes with if I’m not attractive enough.”

Crowley listened intently, he always would, but he couldn’t deny that he hated what he was hearing. “Let me touch you, please.”

And when you shyly nodded, his hands were on your thighs as he surged forward and pressed his lips to yours.

“I don’t give two fucks about human beauty. You’re perfect for me.” He’d growl out as he moved to kiss down your jaw and neck, pressing his lips to every stretch of skin he could reach. “Think I give a fuck? Really? Ask Aziraphale how much we go to the Ritz, think to every time I’ve asked you. At first I figured it wasn’t your cup of tea. Not that you were treating yourself so downright wrong.”

You couldn’t help to giggle at that, and he looked up at you. “I would really like to go to lunch with you, and if it helps, we can invite the angel.”

Having Aziraphale there did help, he was enjoying his food without a care in the world for any leering eyes, and you did the same, blushing as your boyfriend adored you and his husband.

He was always there, especially now that he knew, always behind you when you stood too long in the mirror, hands on your hips as he’d whisper praises and compliments into your ear, making you repeat a few on the worst days.

Aziraphale

Once again, Aziraphale would hardly count it as the first thing he noticed. He certainly wasn’t the most slender figure himself even by human standards.

You two would meet at Maggie’s Record Shop. He was there to pick up something new and you were browsing for your favorite CDs to be on record.

He was thrilled to see Maggie have a customer and swore than if he had put a heart into his form that it would be pounding out of his chest.

He’d hurry to the Record Shop every time he saw you in the windows, finally after four run-ins, you introduced yourself to him.

You would be the only person regularly allowed into the bookshop.

Crowley had met you numerous times since, and he even encouraged his angel to ask you out. So Aziraphale finally did.

He soon found his favorite spot was to have his head on your lap, your fingers scratching against his scalp as you two would listen to whatever he’d put on the record.

He noticed one day though when you seemed to be fidgeting before he laid down, and it took him a moment to realize you were trying to make yourself look smaller.

“My darling, what are you doing?” He asked carefully, sitting beside you and placing a hand on your thigh.

Something about such a simple question and gesture made you break down, explaining how you wanted to be perfect, that you wished you looked more like Crowley did so that these treacherous thoughts would leave your mind.

Aziraphale was concerned, feeling a twist in his stomach as he carefully pulled you onto his lap, a position you tried to protest, but when he whispered out a “for me, please,” you couldn’t say no.

“My darling, having one of Crowley is more than enough. I’m quite happy to have you as you are, wouldn’t dream of asking you to change in any way.”

He’d listen to every thought you had, giving you all of his attention as his thumbs trace circles on your thighs and hips, and when you were done, he’d counter every argument with his own, explaining gently that he had truly never paid much attention to your own weight, that it was your soul and personality he adored.

“But you are quite gorgeous, I found myself aching to see you everyday before I got to know you. I’d sit right here at my desk, and wait, hoping you’d come back.” He would cup your face as he said that, “I’m not perfect by human standards either, I chose this form, why on earth would I make you change when certainly I could be in a better body for you as well.”

He always watched out for signs of those thoughts creeping back in, but everyday, he’d end it by kissing you everywhere before bed, murmuring praises and compliments against your skin like a prayer.

Ineffable Husbands

You had ventured into the bookshop on a rainy day, noticing a red and black snake perched on a sweater in the warmest spot he could be in.

“Aren’t you adorable?” You’d coo, looking around for anyone to ask before whispering to the snake, “can I pet you?”

At that the snake opened one yellow eye, looked you up and down and nodded, very human like you thought, but you carefully rested a finger against his head, between his eyes, and stroked down his body, watching as the snake seemed perfectly happy with such actions and melted back into the sweater.

Soon the owner emerged from the back, “oh I do apologize, I was fetching some lanterns incase we lost power.” He said, Aziraphale you’d learn his name was, he certainly had a small look of shock on his face when he saw Crowley allowing you to stroke him.

“So,” Aziraphale talked to the snake when you had left hours later, “I take it someone likes them?”

“Me?” Crowley slithered onto the floor and changed forms, “what about you excitedly prattling on and showing them every book of every topic they mentioned. You even let them take one home.”

“They’re bringing it back!” Aziraphale chuckled in an effort of protest.

“Oh, sweet love of mine, I think we both fancy them.” // “Indeed it seems we both do, I hope they spend more time with us soon.”

Months later, you had learned that Crowley was the snake from that day, not being horrified but instead it made you reach up without thinking and gently stroke his hair, if demons could actually melt he was certain he’d be a puddle on the floor of the bookshop, Aziraphale had gone to fetch you a new book, and Crowley trapped you onto the couch, seemingly having no joints as he curled himself around you as best he could; his head on your shoulder.

“Crowley, dear, can’t hog them to yourself now.” And Aziraphale sat beside you, hand on your waist (under Crowley) and a head on your shoulder. “I think it’s fair that we say, well, we like you. The both of us.”

You giggled at the obvious statement and turned to kiss him as his answer, hearing Crowley whine and giving him a kiss right after.

Within the next two months, you had also moved into the flat above the bookshop, which made it easier for your two loves to see just how much you seemed uncomfortable with yourself.

“When’s the last time they ate?” Crowley murmured one day, swearing that he hadn’t seen you eat all day, or the day before.

“A while, I’m worried.” With that, they both searched for you, not expecting to find you curled up under the blankets with tear stains on your cheeks.

“Darling, what’s wrong?” The with sit on the edge of the bed, Aziraphale’s hand stroking your hair and Crowley’s rubbing your back.

“Got in my head…” you’d murmur, striking concern within them as they soon encouraged you to lay in the middle of the bed, Aziraphale to your front and Crowley to your back.

Crowley’s hand never leaving your hips as he pressed kisses to you, “don’t hide from me,” he’d say when he felt you trying to will your body further into the bed. And when Aziraphale finally asked what was wrong, you told them everything from childhood, to today, “I just want to be attractive enough for an angel and a demon, like those other ones are.”

“My dear,” Aziraphale said rather seriously, “you are more than attractive enough, haven’t we shown that?” Crowley still pressing kisses made your mind seem fuzzy with bliss as Aziraphale kissed your lips, seemingly trying to pour every ounce of his adoration into it.

They would spent hours telling you about every part of you they loved, leaving no room for any insecurities, mentally or physically.

“I quite like you at this size, more for me to hold, just like with ‘Ziraphale.”

“And besides, while you may be human, we aren’t, I assure you, Crowley could pick us both up and not break a sweat.”

They’d take turns whenever an insecurity seemed to pop back up on bad days, whichever notice would help you for hours, making sure you never felt less than with them.

[bakerstreethound]

Angel's Tea Under a Demon's Wing

Relationship: Aziraphale x reader x Crowley (Ineffable husbands x reader)

Warnings: mentions of anxiety, hurt, comfort, soft Aziraphale, grumpy Crowley, domestic partners, deluge of rain, job insecurity, financial stress, and a brief mention of loss & death

Summary: Time is running out for you to find a job so you can stay afloat in your small London flat. In one last desperate attempt, you swallow your pride and hand out your resume around town, praying for a miracle. As luck would have it, Aziraphale is intrigued by you and offers a proposition, despite Crowley's protests.

All writings belong to me @bakerstreethound (Do NOT claim, repost, copy or translate my works to other sites. I only publish here and on A03 under the same username)

Word Count: 2.0k+

A/N: Cheerio my lovelies! I come bearing a gift for you all. I hope you enjoy some more ineffable husbands and . I adore them so and we could all use some comfort after season 2. Special thanks also to @novaracer for beta reading. Comments & reblogs are greatly appreciated! Graphic by @firefly-graphics

Time had a cruel sense of humor, and it didn’t differ on any day like today, the skies trickling with rain, warning London of an impending storm. Yet, it didn’t tear you from your conquest in searching for a job.

You were sure to have found one by now, yet with the current economy, you weren’t sure how you were going to make it with the diner job you had, letting your other skills and talents be pushed aside. You couldn’t afford to do so much longer, for you ached to be out of your apartment finding purpose other than in the books you plowed through. 

You adored your quiet life, but something inside you wanted more and knew you could strive for it. 

That is how you found yourself with a stack of resumes in hand, sliding them into the mailboxes of local businesses, praying for a miracle you would get a response. Soon enough you dip into the coffee shop across the way from the last stop you made at a quaint bookstore that was oddly still in business.

You hadn’t mustered up the courage to peruse through the piles of books even though Maggie at the record shop insisted that her landlord and the owner of the bookshop, Mr. Fell, was sweet and meant no harm. Either way, you’d been too busy at the diner until now to consider applying for a job there. You hoped something would come around, but only a miracle could make it happen. 

******

Meanwhile, Aziraphale began his morning as usual with some hot chocolate and making a record of miracles in the like when Crowley stomped in, huffing while clenching a wrinkled piece of paper. 

“Awe come on, angel. Why are you doing this?” Crowley groaned.

 Aziraphale swiped the wrinkled paper from Crowley’s grasp. “It’s only hospitable to offer the poor dear a job. I mean, look at their credentials!” he exclaimed as he excitedly flipped through another page as if he were reading a great myth instead of a resume. 

“What’s the point? You practically have me to do all the work here for you,” Crowley mumbled, downing the rest of his wine. He stretched out on the couch again, his long lean legs draped over the arm, adding an extra bit of drama to any bit of furniture. The demon could not sit on anything properly to save his life. 

Aziraphale sighed and bit his lip, eyes twinkling with mischief. “If you consider your work laying around here drinking, yes you do a fine job at that.” Crowley lifted his head, mock rage plastered over his face. “Better watch that tongue of yours angel, You know I love it so.” 

“Well, then better make yourself useful and dust the books and tidy up your plants. We should expect a visitor within the hour.” Azi smiled warmly at his partner, giddiness filling his chest when Crowley pecked him on the cheek. 

“I’ll get right on it, angel.” 

******

You huffed, drowning down your third, or was it fifth? cup of coffee. You weren’t sure why you felt this way, the stress in your shoulders building the more you typed, your brain filling with words faster than you could write or type them down.  You’d been at Nina’s shop for an hour, most of it spent scrolling through job listings, though your search also included browsing some bookstores and a new computer you have been eyeballing for months.

Alas not much had come from your ventures, but you have to admit it was a good day to get out of the flat and enjoy the fresh air and the coziness of somewhere else other than your pit of despair. You could only stay inside with yourself and your mind for so long. 

Regardless, you enjoyed the quiet chatter, the drip of the machine keeping in time with your typing, and then a ping sounds from your phone. Your heart races, could this be it? 

“Hello?” A soft angelic voice inquires from the other end. “I was calling about your interest in a job. You see I’m Aziraphale, Mr. Fell as most call me, I own the bookshop across from Nina’s coffee shop. The…Give Me Coffee or Give Me Death that one, it’s hard to miss.  Would you be interested?” 

Would I be interested? Hell yes, you would after months of finding nothing that’d pay anything for manual labor you wouldn’t imagine anything better than sorting books all day. 

“Mr. Fell, that would be lovely. When do you want me to start?” You thrum your fingers on the table, not believing your luck. 

“Are you available now? I have cocoa biscuits and tea!” 

“I don’t think I’m in any position to refuse your offer, Mr. Fell.” 

“Lovely, it’s settled then. I’ll see you within the hour, yes?” His voice is warm, reminding you of an old friend and holding hands with a friend by the lake. It made you happier than you’d been in a while and when you set your phone back on the table, glancing at the bright light streaming in through the window despite the darkening clouds of the horizon, you know you won’t refuse this job; it’s almost too good to be true. 

******

“Oh boy, that doesn’t look good,” Crowley mutters, shoving piles of books into the shelves, trying to make the shop more presentable, as Azira put it. The sky outside darkened an alarming shade of gray and Crowley could practically hear the impending storm cackling in warning. 

Aziraphale sighs, taking off his spectacles and rubbing his eyes. “Well, if worse comes to worst, we can stay in for the night and forgo the Ritz.” 

“You? Forgo the meal at the Ritz? The world must truly be ending!” Crowley exclaims, throwing himself back on the couch right as the first clap of thunder came down, the notable pitter-patter of rainfall following in its wake. 

Not a moment later, the doorbell rings, and there you are, a jacket plastered along your form, hair damp and you sneeze. “Hi, I’m here to see Mr. Fell.” 

******

“Gracious come in come in, Oh do sit down, let me take that for you!” The smaller man, Aziraphale you note, bustles around, offering you an armchair, which you sit in, groaning at the warmth. The deluge came out of nowhere, soaking you to the bone during the albeit dort walk along the street, but you ended up getting distracted at Maggie’s record shop, losing track of time as fate would have it you ended up an utter wreck at the job you’d accepted a meer hour before. 

“I’m so sorry for the state of my appearance, I should’ve brought an umbrella.” 

“The weather is quite unpredictable is it not?” Another person appears from the shadows, encased in black, hair a lovely shade of red that makes you wish you could pull it off as well as them. They reach out their hand to you and you lean forward accepting it. 

“Crowley, a pleasure to meet you. I see Aziraphale ran off before introductions.” He motions for you to stand and you do so, while he drapes his black jacket over you. It’s pleasantly warm, and you’re equally impressed with the black turtleneck and vest combination he’s currently sporting. 

You smile at the gesture. “I’m sure it’s for the tea. There was mention of it on the phone call.” 

“Oh, right, the infamous phone call. It practically made his day, though I insisted that he didn’t need to hire anyone, no don’t take it as a bad thing, necessarily. Nina and Maggie vouched for your character too so now you’re practically part of the block gang.”

“Crowley, are you interrogating our guest?” 

You pull the borrowed jacket closer around you trying not to shiver in a combination of nerves and excitement. The easy banter between the two of them makes you feel at ease and it comforts you how relaxed they are in each other's presence. If all your days could be spent with a gentle, quiet and constant companion by your side, then you couldn’t possibly want for more. 

“I am sorry for inconveniencing you.” you blurt out, Mr. Fell’s gaze meeting yours in quiet understanding. 

“It’s no trouble at all, we’ve not much going on, isn’t that right, Crowley.” 

“Right, whatever he said, that’s right.” the tall lanky figure grumbles, discarding a pile of books on the floor, making you wince at the thump they leave behind. 

That must’ve hurt, you grumble. 

“They’ll be alright” Crowley grumbles. 

Whoops, you had spoken that out loud. You clench your jaw, trying in vain to relax, the nerves flowing through you, making your stomach tie itself in knots despite your mind’s protests. 

“Crowley, I would appreciate it if you didn’t throw my books in that manner,” Mr Fell’s brow quirks, eyes lighting in quiet mirth as he leans over to whisper, “He does that when he’s grouchy.” 

“I assume it happens frequently, then.” 

“Usually when I irk him or someone else, which is at least three times a week or more.” 

Crowley scowls, “It’s not that frequent!” 

You smile at the easy banter between them, the way they brought you into this small sphere of their  world and it makes you feel less alone than you have had in months. You enjoyed this, the glances they tossed back and forth with the ease of old lovers, twin soulmates of the universe ancient in their own right. 

“Well then, I think it’s settled,” Aziraphale faces you, hands clasped, a smile gracing his lips. You burrow further into the jacket Crowley lent you from the deluge, nervous for the outcome. In the next moment, Aziraphale hands you cocoa, finalizing the matter, “I think we’ll get along just fine, my dear.”  

******

Countless hours later you’re sandwiched between them on a plush couch, Aziraphale (he insisted you didn’t have to call him Mr. Fell) with a book on his lap and Crowley with a drink in his hand. You’re halfway listening to the story Aziraphale tells, still delirious and in disbelief that you scored a job and somehow gained two companions you’ve felt you have known ages. The hours passed by quicker than you imagined and you didn’t want to leave. 

Months without a job and companionship have you linger in the doorway and you smile at them fondly, hating to leave but you walk back into the rain in your borrowed coat that fits your form.

You hadn’t remembered it fitting so well before, the universe worked in mysterious ways. But, you found a thread of hope, warmth, love and acceptance and you sure as hell aren’t letting go of it for anything.

Joy fills your heart as you walk out the bookshop door Crowley holds for you and Aziraphale presses a kiss to your hand, wishing you well. You don’t think you’ve been more excited for a job-or anything than you have now. No more moments you would take for granted now that you had them, a life complete and full of laughter and love. 

******

Time was cruel and a fickle thing. Two figures stand on a hill under a tree, leaning into each other, what others wouldn’t see is the phantom hand resting between their palms, one of a lover past, a companion dear to them slipping into another world.

Time could be cruel, but it had given an angel and a demon a mortal companion to care for alongside each other and blessing or cursing time, one thing is for certain, they were grateful for all the moments, no matter how limited, that they got to spend with you. And they had a silly little resume and a fateful deluge of rain to thank for it.

The taller one carefully drapes a long coat around the headstone, the shorter one following suit with a bouquet of flowers. In their arms they find solace, the ghost of you a mere fragment of their millennia of existence but they would live it over and again if only to be with you.

******

[owen-writes]

Dysphoria Blues

Ineffable Husbands x Gender Neutral Reader

No pronouns but the reader is implied as transgender

You were feeling a bit off today, the weight of dysphoria settling on your shoulders like a heavy cloak. Sensing your mood, Aziraphale and Crowley decided to take matters into their own celestial hands.

Aziraphale, ever the caring one, ushered you to the living room, adorned with soft cushions and warm lighting. "My dear, I can't bear to see you like this," he said with genuine concern. "Crowley and I have devised a plan to lift your spirits."

Crowley, leaning against the doorframe with a sly grin, added, "Yeah, angel and demon dream team at your service."

They gently guided you to the couch, Crowley's touch reassuringly warm against your skin. Once settled, Aziraphale fetched a weighted blanket, draping it over you like a comforting embrace. Crowley, with his characteristic swagger, took his place beside you.

Aziraphale's soothing voice filled the room as he began reading aloud from your favorite book. "Darling, we thought this might distract you a bit," he said, his eyes sparkling with kindness.

Crowley, with his characteristic wit, chimed in, "And if it doesn't, blame the angel. I'm just here for moral support."

You couldn't help but crack a small smile at their banter. Aziraphale continued reading, his voice like a balm to your troubled soul. Meanwhile, Crowley, draped in an air of nonchalant confidence, had his arm around you, fingers tracing absent patterns on your shoulder.

"Angel," you murmured, your head nestled comfortably in Aziraphale's lap, "thank you for this. It really helps."

He looked down at you, his expression softening. "Anything for you, my dear. We only want to see you happy."

Crowley, playing his part, smirked and whispered, "Yeah, don't go thinking we're turning soft or anything."

As Aziraphale continued reading, Crowley's fingers found yours, intertwining in a subtle display of solidarity. "You know," Crowley said, his voice lower now, "you're not alone in this. We're here for you."

You nodded, feeling a warmth spreading through you—a warmth that had nothing to do with the weighted blanket. Despite Crowley's tough exterior, there was a genuine concern in his eyes, and you couldn't help but appreciate the effort they both put into making you feel better.

Hours passed in the cozy embrace of the weighted blanket, Aziraphale's voice becoming a lullaby, and Crowley's presence a steady anchor. As the story unfolded, so did a sense of calm within you.

In that shared space between an angel and a demon, you found solace—a reminder that love and care transcend celestial boundaries. And as the words of your favorite book wove a tapestry of comfort around you, you couldn't help but be grateful for the extraordinary beings who had chosen to share their ordinary, heartwarming moments with you.

[c0s-lettuce]

favourites - platonic!crowley x reader

gender non-specific, reader is a uni student, crowley is a father figure, implied platonic!aziraphale x reader

a/n: back from my hiatus to post this. it's been sitting in my drafts for a while. hope you like it!! <3

word count: 767

You thought it'd be nice to surprise Aziraphale and Crowley and come home during the break. However, you hadn't imagined they'd be in the middle of another… unearthly situation.

Turns out the two of them have been harbouring the Archangel Gabriel, whom you had only met once. And whom the last you heard of was when he tried to kill Aziraphale.

But, love thy neighbour, you suppose.

On your way home, you thought it peculiar that the streets were wet despite the forecast predicting no rain. However, the weather is known for its unpredictability, so you shrugged it off.

When you arrived at the bookshop, you were met with a grumpy-looking Crowley who, to your credit, did look surprised to see you. He explained that Aziraphale, against his own wishes, had taken the Bentley to Edinburgh. And he ignored your comment about how he never lets you drive his car.

So, you stayed at the bookshop with Crowley. You caught a glimpse of your room upstairs. Your bed, your desk, even the chair Aziraphale insisted on having so he could read to you was still there, despite you telling him that you were too old for bedtime stories. Everything was in the exact same place you left it.

Except now, Aziraphale's copious amounts of books have taken up storage like stalagmites in a cave. And there was a strange, large man occupying your space. You decide to take refuge downstairs.

To pass the time, Crowley tells you about Job as you look through the book that Aziraphale had left out. He tells you about God's plan to test the faith of their favourite human, how he had free reign to ruin Job's life but ultimately didn't.

Crowley was always nice, you thought.

After hearing the story, you say, "It's a bit overly righteous."

"Well, we are talking about God," Crowley replies.

"Yeah, I know, but there must have been a better way." You try to think of an analogy. "What if I said, 'Oh Crowley, you're my favourite dad, but maybe you only like me because you have to'. And then I crash your car and set your plants on fire and… punch Aziraphale in the face to see if you'll still like me afterwards."

Crowley stares at you with subtle incredulity. You sense that he's about to say something judgemental.

But instead, he asks, "I'm your favourite?"

"What?" you reply.

"You just said I'm your favourite."

"…I was just trying to make a point."

"Oh, so Aziraphale's your favourite?"

"Who said I had a favourite?"

"Come on, everyone has a favourite parent."

"Well, I don't."

Crowley stares at you even more, waiting for you to break. But you seem successful in holding your ground.

"Alright, whatever," he gives in. "And I do like you, by the way. Not just because I have to."

"Hah, I knew it," you give him a big smile.

"Just don't crash my car or do any of what you just said."

"I wouldn't dream of it."

He smirks back and continues, "I agree with you about the whole Job situation, too. So does Aziraphale. That was the first day the two of us were truly on the same side."

"Our side," you say.

"Exactly," Crowley nods, "Though we hadn't realised it at the time."

You watch as Crowley smiles to himself. It reminds you of the nights in your room when Aziraphale would abandon whatever book he had picked and tell you a story of him and Crowley instead.

You find yourself smiling too.

But a crash from upstairs ruins the moment. It's Gabriel, or rather, Jim.

You sigh and ask, "Did Aziraphale have to give him my room?"

"No, but I suppose he wanted Gabriel to be comfortable for whatever reason," Crowley shrugs.

"What if he's touching my stuff or something?"

"He probably is. Might be breaking a few of your things, too."

You cringe at the thought. "Would it really hurt you to try and make me feel better?"

"What, you want me to lie to you?" Crowley asks.

"You are a demon, aren't you?"

"Retired, technically."

Unable to think of something to respond with, you turn your sights to the street through the window, wondering when you'll see the Bentley return.

"Hey," Crowley grabs your attention again, "This will all be over before you know it. Then I'll let you and Aziraphale drag me to whatever dreaded place you both wish."

You aren't sure how true that is. Or how much trouble Jim will really be for them.

But for now, you just smile. "Sounds like a deal."

[gaynessandghostlyhauntings]

Ineffable Husbands x Reader Incorrect Quotes

Crowley: I know you love them. Reader: I am not in love with Aziraphale! Crowley, staring at Reader: I never said who… Reader: realizes Reader: Shit. Well, anyways-

---

Crowley: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming? Aziraphale: Can everyone in this godforsaken group please learn the skill called "Think Before You Speak"? Reader: Ya know… it might be.

---

Aziraphale: Sorry, I'm late to the party. I've been doing things. Reader, entering in an unbuttoned shirt: I got caught up doing things too. Crowley: Wow, Aziraphale was late too! What a coincidence!

---

Aziraphale: Coca Cola can remove rust from metal, imagine what it’s doing to your body. Reader: Pfff, getting rid of the rust, idiot. Aziraphale: THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS! Crowley: Hmm… I've been drinking soda and my body's rust free… not sure where you're getting your facts from…

---

Crowley, bursting into the room: You two are having sex! Aziraphale, not looking up from their book: Really? Reader, why didn’t you tell me? I would have put my book down.

---

Reader: Hey, check out my Spongebob umbrella! Reader opens their umbrella while indoors Aziraphale: Reader, that’s bad luck… Reader: Chill out, Aziraphale! Crowley, kicking down the door: WHO SUMMONED ME?!?! Reader and Aziraphale: screams

---

Aziraphale: Why is everyone so obsessed with top or bottom? Honestly, I’d just be excited to have a bunk bed. Reader: Reader: I'm gonna tell them. Crowley: Don't you dare.

---

[ghoulie-67-baby]

Nature vs Nurture part 2 - Good omens.

Summary: Befriending a snake but it turns out to be Crowley and he’s injured.

Warnings: Blood, slight injury, snakes.

Pairing: Humanfem!reader x ineffable husbands (Platonic / Otherwise).

Word count: 2,659.

I didn't wake to my alarm like I did every morning but instead with the feeling of something moving across my bed sheets, half draped over my body. I sat up in shock, looking around in alarm only to find a snake that looked just as shocked as me. I stared for a moment before the previous night began to filter back into my mind and I slumped back onto my pillows, letting myself relax.

"Sorry Precious forgot you were here, I'm so used to being on my own." I greeted the beautiful creature as he slithered up alongside my face and bumped his nose on my outstretched hand. I turned onto my side to face him as he coiled his body beneath him and came to a sit still on my pillow. A yawn broke the soft silence of the room and with a stretch, I sat up and rubbed my hands over my face with a sigh.

"Okie dokie Snakie, what is best to wear for a book shop interview huh?" I knew he couldn't speak but it was better than talking to myself like I usually did. I shuffled over to my wardrobe, dragging open the doors and clicking my tongue in thought. Humming to myself, I pulled out a few items that would be appropriate and laid them on the end of the bed. "Okay so, this black skirt goes well with some tights and kitten heels look cute, I think suspenders would be best with it and a shirt that matches, maybe navy blue, to go with a blazer jacket or" I pulled out a few more things. "These black trousers could be okay with this top and a blazer. What do you think?" I held the skirt and trousers up whilst looking at him and shrugged. "I like the skirt plus I feel it would fit a bookshop pretty well."

His yellow eyes seemed to dart between the two before settling on the skirt and nodding towards it slightly. I grinned at him and placed it on the other side of the bed beside him.

"Now for the top, this navy shirt or the navy scoop neck with long sleeves?" I lifted them both up and down as we decided. "I like the scoop neck but it does come a little low and shows a bit of cleavage. With a blazer, it shouldn't be too bad right?" I decided with a hum of satisfaction before going to my drawers. "Black or blue suspenders?" His head bobbed to the black ones so I chucked them to the bed before smiling and clapping my hands together. "I shall be back soon, don't wander off Precious." I gathered all of my clothes and underwear into my arms before making my way to the bathroom.

As I dressed I couldn't help the nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach. I really needed this job, really wanted it too and couldn't help but worry about the outcome. I smoothed down the skirt with a sigh as I looked at the outfit in the mirror, the items did go well together. After brushing my hair and styling it I nodded to myself and left the bathroom, careful not to slip against the tiles because of the material of my tights.

"I think you have an eye for fashion Precious," I twirled around in front of the snake and grinned, grabbing my chunky heeled oxfords to complete the fit. "Okay, walking won't take long and the earlier the better at this point." It was bordering on 10 AM as I grabbed my blazer and bag, throwing on a clean scarf for good measure. "Right, I don't feel comfortable leaving you alone but I don't think Mr Fell will appreciate me bringing a snake to the shop somehow." His head nodded towards my scarf as he made his way over and I looked at him confused. "Look, you could hide under my scarf around my neck but you'd have to be very still and well-behaved." Seemingly he understood everything else so this couldn't hurt right. "I mean it, best behaviour Precious." I let the reptile slink up around my neck and made sure to cover him carefully with my scarf so it hid him but didn't suffocate him.

"Let's do this," I whispered to him, leaving the apartment and locking the door behind me. The journey was fairly uneventful though the sun did shine for once, even with a slightly chilly breeze around us. I enjoyed the reassuring weight of my new friend around my neck and found myself rearranging the scarf to discreetly pet him every so often. I waved a thank you to a driver as they allowed me to cross the road and looked up at the burgundy building in awe, taking a deep breath before pushing the wooden door open, smiling as the bell tinkled above me.

Nobody was in the shop as the door closed behind me gently and I clutched the strap of my bag as I looked around me. The walls were filled floor to ceiling with books, not as incredibly neat as other shops but this gave it a more warm and homey feeling. A gentle light filled the shop as I wandered between shelves, dodging tables piled with books and chairs placed around the room for shoppers. For a few moments, I totally forgot about the nerves and churning of my stomach whilst being surrounded by my passion until a mess of white curls peered around one of the selves and bright blue eyes met my own. My back straightened instantly and I smiled at them.

"Hi, I'm looking for Mr Fell," My throat was considerably dry as the figure came into view.

"Yes, that's me, it's nice to meet you..." He trailed off slowly.

"Oh right, I'm Y/N. I saw your job listing online and couldn't wait to have a look at your shop." I held out my hand to him, silently thanking the heavens it wasn't sweaty because of nerves. "You didn't specify the date or time so I thought I'd come by and see if you had any preferences." My heart thumped in my chest as his warm hand shook my own, lingering for a second before he clasped them in front of him with a smile.

"Of course my dear, if you just follow me to my desk that'd be great." He wandered off around the corner and with a nod I followed, rearranging my scarf as the snake beneath shifted slightly. "Take a seat wherever you'd like dear girl." I did as he said, smoothing down my skirt and placing my bag down by my feet before allowing my eyes to meet his. "So, have you ever worked in a bookshop before?"

"Not quite, but before moving here I spent so much time in one that I was practically part of the furniture." I joked, relaxing as he chuckled.

"They are the most relaxing places to be so that's understandable. My shop is quite big, how well do you think you could memorise genres and where they go?"

"My memory can get a little muddled but once I get used to things then I can be as reliable as a contents page in a book so I think I'd do pretty well." I was being entirely honest here, something told me he'd be able to tell if I bent the truth even a little.

"That's quite alright, I understand these things take time." His eyes caught on my scarf for a second as my stowaway shifted. I bit my lip hoping he would let it go. "I'm sorry, Your scarf seems to be moving on its own accord. Is there something under it?" I couldn't tell whether he was annoyed or confused but I held my breath and nodded stiffly.

"I had a bit of a surprise on the way home last night and was a bit troubled because I don't have the facilities to leave him alone," I explained, unravelling the garment from around my neck to reveal the red and black snake beneath. "I'm really sorry I brought him with me but I couldn't leave him unattended plus he's well-behaved, usually." His shining blue eyes met the snake's calmly as he held out his hand slightly.

"There you are my dearest, honestly, I leave you for five minutes and you go missing. Do you know how worried I was?" My eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he spoke to the reptile, a tone of irritation in his voice though it was minor.

"He's yours?" I couldn't help but feel my heart and stomach sink at the idea of him having an owner already.

"You could say that, he's quite the demon." The snake seemed to hiss in amusement at what seemed like an inside joke and I nodded sadly. "Where did you find him, if you don't mind my asking?"

"In the park, you ought to know he has a wound on the underside of his belly and though I cleaned it, and please don't think I'm crazy, he refused the vets entirely. Going as far as lunging at me for trying to push the idea." The man in front of me seemed to nod in agreement and didn't judge me, holding out his hands to take him.

"Yes, that sounds very much like him. He's a stubborn soul." He lifted the animal and tutted as he saw the wound, visibly upset by it. "What on earth happened? Why haven't you taken care of yourself." The way he spoke seemed like he was expecting an answer and I couldn't help but be unsure and confused. "Please go and fix yourself so we can talk about this properly my dear boy. You have some explaining to do." Within seconds, the snake was placed on the floor and wriggled away, leaving the two of us amongst the books. "Sorry about that dear, I'm sure you're quite confused by the whole ordeal."

"A little, he's very intelligent for a snake. I didn't realise he was someone's pet, sorry about this." I twisted my hands in the fabric of my skirt.

"Who are you calling a pet?" A new face appeared beside the bookshelf, a lean body resting against the shelves. I jumped in surprise and smiled at the stranger.

"Sorry, I didn't realise there was anyone else here. I'm Y/N, do you work here too?" I shook the man's hand, still shaken by the previous occurrence.

"Crowley and nope," He threw himself on the sofa beside Mr Fell, wincing slightly as he sat himself up. "I just enjoy the company." He grinned widely at the other man, straightening his sunglasses. "Anyway, you didn't answer my question." His hand held his stomach for a second before he shifted.

"Mr Fell has a snake that went missing, I found him and was just saying that I didn't realise he was someone's pet."

"Oh, he's not, if anything he's the snake's pet," I looked at him in confusion, hoping for elaboration as Mr Fell shook his head at Crowley. "Aren't you Angel?" My eyes flickered between the two for a moment, cheeks flushing as I realised they must be together or at least dancing around one another with the way they interacted. The two noticed my state of befuddlement and grinned at one another. "I do like the name Precious though. Wouldn't mind that as a nickname when you're working here." His head tilted towards me as he slipped off the sunglasses and looked me straight in the eyes.

My brain seemed to short-circuit as the same eyes the snake had looked at me, a huge grin spreading across his face. I opened my mouth to speak but quickly closed it when words failed to form. This happened a few times before I gave up, settling for just sitting and staring at the lean man. I mean stranger things have happened, right?

"Are you alright dear?" Mr Fell leant forward in his seat as I blinked at him blankly. "I fear you've broken her Crowley, you could've been gentler with her."

"She'll snap soon Angel, she was talking to a snake for Satan's sake, this can't be that strange to her if I pointed her in the direction of your shop and she proceeded to listen." I nodded slowly, he did make sense after all.

"So," I took a deep breath, pursing my lips for a moment. "You're telling me you're the snake that I found in the park that can just miraculously turn from snake to human-"

"Not quite human Darling, more like a demonic entity if you'd be so kind."

"Okay, snake to demon then. And you expect me not to freak out right?" I was taking this better than expected. "Maybe, I could just have a glass of water please Mr Fell." My clammy hands gripped my skirt as I cleared my throat, huffing out a breath that I didn't know I'd been holding.

"Of course, dear, give us a moment." The two disappeared from the sofa, talking amongst each other.

"Come on Angel, she's alone and we'd be doing her and ourselves a favour." The way he pleaded made him seem almost human.

"That's all good and well dearest but look at her, she's obviously in shock by the situation. If you were human you'd be the same, Y/N had just found out you are a demon, turn into a snake and has probably guessed I'm an angel by now so do give her some time." My eyes came back into focus as the glass of water was held out in front of me and within seconds the liquid was gone and I gasped a breath. "Better?"

"Yes, thank you. I have no idea how any of this works obviously but I guess it is what it is. I'm sorry I called you a pet and also sorry for almost keeping him, he's quite charming as a snake." The two chuckled before Crowley seemed to catch onto what I said.

"Hang on, I'm charming anyway."

"Yes well, it seems you have some new things to get used to but as a thank you and just because you seem overall quite perfect for the job, you can start anytime within the next week. It's up to you if you still want the job of course." The angel seemed to be hesitant as he waited for a reply, comforted by the dark-haired demon that had his arm resting on the back of the couch behind him.

"I mean, I'd still love the job, I just ask I get a few explanations and answers to questions if and when I have them if you don't mind Mr Fell." I couldn't work out why this hadn't set off alarms in my head but in all honesty, I was very curious about the pair.

"That sounds wonderful dear, it'll be lovely having a new face here with us and it's Aziraphale, Mr Fell is just a cover-up name for the shop." That made sense. The smile on his face made me smile back as I stood up, followed by them both. "There isn't a dress code either as long as it's comfortable and appropriate."

"In case you have any questions that can't wait." Crowley held out a piece of paper with his number on and I took it with a smile. "Don't hesitate to message or ring us." He winked, the glow of his eyes only brightened by the warm light of the room and I nodded, trying to hide the creeping blush on my face.

"Well, I'd better get going, I'll see you both tomorrow then." And with that and a call of goodbye from the pair I left the shop, bell tinkling above me once more, leaving me to the onslaught of thoughts and questions on the two strange beings.

[hretoprvdthepltnx]

Hihi !! Before i request I just love your writing so much and I couldn’t resist to request this!!

Could I request a teen! Reader (angel) who’s sees crowley & aziraphale as their parental figures who is trying to make something nice for them?

The reader is super silly and innocent so like the stuff they make look like something else 💀

Handmade

Ineffable Husbands x teen!angel!reader

Summary: Y/n wants to do something special for their favorite angel/demon duo. So, they try their ethereal hand at the human art of crafting.

Content: y/n uses they/them pronouns, improper use of miracles,

Note: Anon, you're such an absolute sweetheart. I appreciate you so much. Unfortunately, I didn't realize what you meant by 'something else' until after but hopefully you still enjoy the fic.

Rating: 14+ || 500+ w.

Gifts were important. Gifts were a way of expressing profound love for an individual, at least that is what Aziraphale had taught you. Gifts meant a lot; they were a language all their own. Gifts meant I love you.

Gifts were hard.

You stared at the heaping pile of crafting utensils Maggie from the record shop had leant you. There were a lot of options and she had even been kind enough to make you a list of ideas, the only problem was that none of it seemed quite right for Aziraphale and Crowley.

You stared at the felt and the streamers and silently willed yourself to come up with an idea, but nothing happened. Sighing, you sat back with your shoulders pressing against the side of Aziraphale's desk. It was lucky that they were out, the sight of you sitting on the floor surrounded by confetti might raise an alarm. Or perhaps not, you were prone to floor sitting.

You tossed your head back against the leg of the table and the telephone jingled with the bang. Perhaps you should call her and ask for her help, but no, this was your idea, and it would make it even more special if you did it yourself. There had to be something you could make.

Your eyes drifted to a stray bottle of silver glitter and stayed there, staring with such mindless intensity it was a miracle the tension didn't cause the bottle to bust. Miracles. You could use a little miracle of your own right about now.

"Wait," you sat up too quickly, dizzying yourself, and snatched up the little plastic bottle of glitter. "If it's only a small miracle, and one for good, then I can't possibly get in trouble for it. And it's still like I'm making it myself, because I am." A smile stretched wide across your face, and you turned to the plant in the corner, "This is going to be perfect."

Hours later, when Crowley and Aziraphale arrived back at the bookshop, there was a notable difference to the building. That being because the entire inside of the bookshop had turned into a Victorian style ballroom. "Right, well...what's all this?" You beamed at the demon from where you stood in the center of the large room. "Suprise! It's a gift!"

Aziraphale's face went from something sad - which you had luckily missed - to something proud and beaming. "A gift, yes! And, oh, how wonderful!" Crowley didn't look quite as convinced. However, he perked up quite notably when the record player you had been fiddling with started to play Queen's Somebody to Love. You offered a hand to both fellow angel and the demon in front of you, "Care to dance?"

"Why certainly!" Aziraphale answered for the both of them, whatever complaint Crowley had been about to give died in his throat as he was yanked along. As you danced, you made a mental note to thank Maggie for the record next time you saw her. Perhaps you might even thank her with a gift.

|| masterlist || navigation ||

story by hretoprvdthepltnx©

Ineffable Husbands/Good Omens copyrighted by Neil Gaiman©

[avocado-writing]

Poly aziracrow based on 2x04, where Crowley and R react to Aziraphale during this scene👀

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZM2KFemoQ/

notes: yes. this isn’t the first time I’ve had a request about his voice in this scene. and I will NEVER get tired of them ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

pairing: aziraphale x reader x crowley

rating: M (smut at the end)

tags: the light, the dark, and the space in between-verse; references to ptsd; slightly Dom!Aziraphale

You hate this bloody war. 

You’ve been part of a few, and all of them have left their scars on you. In you, buried in your soul. You remember your time in those trenches barely thirty years ago and bile claws at your throat. 

No. Don’t think about that. Concentrate on this. Concentrate on this horrid little demon who’s threatening the two people you love. Hands behind you, you finger a decorative paperweight, wondering if minions from hell are susceptible to being thwacked over the back of the head. 

He finishes his little tirade and tries to read Aziraphale’s name from a book (you’re amazed that the cretin is literate). But his demonic lips can’t make heads nor tails of the syllables. 

“Azil-pha-pha-la-luh—”

Aziraphale’s brow furrows just slightly, lips purse.

“Aziraphale.”

It’s not often you see your angel reach the end of his tether. He is a holy being after all; the pinnacle of patience, epitome of virtue. But sometimes, when something grinds his gears just right, that voice will come out. 

It does something to you and Crowley both, and the two of you exchange a glance across the room. This will be explored later. 

The demon, irritated, snaps his little book shut, then does a double take as his gaze passes over you. He didn’t even notice you were here. You try to look the picture of innocence as you ready the paperweight, thinking about the best way to swing a bludgeoning weapon when he has that ridiculous hair. 

“And you? What’s going on with you, why are you here?” He steps forward and takes a deep sniff. “You don’t smell divine.”

“Oh god, don’t bloody smell me!” you hiss, planting your hand on his chest and shoving him backwards. Aziraphale and Crowley move towards you to intervene if needed, but you wave them off. 

“Don’t bother with him, nightingale,” Crowley sighs, voice unbothered and bored, “he’s not worth your effort.”

You turn to the mirror in the dressing room instead and focus on smoothing out your clothes, ignoring the foul little gremlin until Crowley and Aziraphale sort him out. Which they do, inevitably, because they’re very clever and wonderful. The three of you head back to the bookshop for a very necessary glass of wine, and within the hour you’re all piled on the sofa, slightly blotted and very glad for each other’s company after a rough day. 

You and Crowley are either side of Aziraphale, each with a leg hooked over one of his plush thighs. You’re doing that thing they love where you compliment them about how smart they both are, and they get all smug and silly (and you love it); but halfway through you catch Crowley’s eye behind those dark little glasses and something shifts subtly. 

“You know, angel, you really gave that lapdog a dressing down earlier.”

“Oh, well, I’m not sure I’d go that far,” Aziraphale says, but he’s all puffed up like he gets when he’s flattered. Crowley runs a finger up the seam of his trouser leg, gently, slowly. 

“And you know what really sealed the deal? That voice you used on him,” you continue. “There was something quite dominant about it. Sexy.”

You snake your hand up his chest. Finally he cottons on. 

“Oh.”

“I think we both just wondered what it might take to get you to use it again.”

Aziraphale takes a final sip of his wine before carefully placing the glass on the table. He sits back, looking between the two of you, and there’s no missing the glint in his eye. 

“If you wanted me to tell you what to do,” he says lowly,

and you shiver, “you need only ask. I’m sure I’ll do it if you both behave.”

Crowley shifts. You can see the effect Aziraphale’s had on him: the tightening of his trousers, the bob of his adam’s apple as he swallows. 

“So. Will you behave?”

“Yes,” you and Crowley both whisper at once, voices thin and needy. 

Aziraphale smiles. 

“Then I think you’re both wearing far too many clothes.”

Your clothes end up a muddled pile on the floor, and between the two of you, Aziraphale doesn’t leave the couch for the rest of the evening. He has you ride his thigh while Crowley swallows him down his pretty little throat, whispering his praises to both of you in that delicious voice. 

“Look at you both. Being so good for me. I love you both so much, my darlings.”

You bury your face in his shoulder, face burning with desire. He has Crowley fuck you over the arm of the couch as he watches the show, palming himself through his trousers, telling you where to touch each other. You’re happy to be his puppet, his plaything, anything. 

So long as he keeps talking.  -

taglist: @angiestopit @dazed-soul  @foolishprincipalitee @smile-eywa@staygoldsquatchling02 @underratedboogeyman @specter-soltare @candlewitch-cryptic @cool-ontherun-world @emilynissangtr @willbedecided @bdffkierenwalker @cool-iguana @ilyatan @civil-groupie @willyoubethepookietomypookster

[ineffablesuffering]

Sick Days (Aziraphale x Crowley x Reader)

I wrote this as a form of comfort as I am finally getting over this cold that I had.

Warnings: like one swear word, Crowley being soft for the reader

Pairing: Aziraphale x Crowley x Platonic!GN! Reader.

Word Count: 1,095

Masterlist

--------------

You lay in bed, the thought of moving was, to simply put it - unbearable. You had awoken with a pounding headache and felt like your sinuses were trying to escape from your face. Everything hurt and your body couldn't decide if it was too hot or too cold. Great. You were sick.

You had meant to have plans with Crowley and Aziraphale feeding the ducks in St James Park and a spot of lunch, but clearly that wasn't happening today. You sat up in bed and instantly the room starting spinning around you. You let out a deep cough and you whine at the feeling in your chest. You put a hand to your forehead to try and ground yourself as you reach for your phone before sliding back down into your bed. You had planned to call Aziraphale and tell him you couldn't make it, but the room kept spinning and forced you to close your eyes to make it stop.

The next thing you remember is your phone ringing a few hours later. "Shit," you mumble. You must have fallen back asleep. You pick up your phone, answer it and put it to your ear. "Hello?" you rasp.

"Y/N, I just wanted to see if we're on your way?" It was Aziraphale. You groan and turn to face your clock. You should have been at the bookshop by now. "My dear? Are you quite alright? You don't sound yourself." He asks.

"I'm sorry Aziraphale, I was meant to call you but I must have fallen back asleep, I'm not feeling too great." You rasp out, your throat feeling like it was on fire. "I'm not going to be able to make it today."

"Is that Y/N?," you hear Crowley shout in the background, "Tell them to hurry up, times a ticking."

You try to let out a laugh, but it ends with you in a coughing fit, wincing at the pain in your chest. "You two go on ahead without me, we'll catch up soon."

"Are you sure? We can always rearrange?"

"Aziraphale, I'll be fine," you say as another cough racks through your body, "I've been ill before."

"Well, make sure you rest and we will see you another time. I hope you feel better soon my dear,"

"Thank you 'Zira, I'll talk to you later," you say as you hang up the phone before placing it on your bedside table. You groan as you drag yourself out of bed, in search of water and hopefully some form of medication.

A short while later, you had decided that you couldn't sit in bed any longer and you were curled up on your sofa, watching your comfort show, eating your comfort food and taking small sips of some hot lemon and honey water when there was a knock at the door. You muted the TV, praying that whoever was knocking would go away. The knocking persisted.

"They're  probably asleep Angel," you heard a muffled Crowley. This got your attention and you made your way from the sofa to the door.

"Maybe, but I'd feel better if I just saw them." replied Aziraphale.

You open the door to find the angel and demon standing before you. They took in your disheveled state, your skin pale except from your blood shot eyes and your nose being red, your hair messy and a headache strip on your forehead, a blanket haphazardly wrapped around your shoulders and your comfy clothes on. A true sight for sore eyes.

"What are you two doing here?" Your voice quiet in an attempt to not irritate your throat even more.

"We came to check on you, and see how you're feeling." Aziraphale said, "We brought you supplies" he gestured to the bag that Crowely was holding.

"You really didn't have to," you say

"We know," said Crowley. You give him a small smile, "and don't think this is me being nice. I'm just following orders."

"I wouldn't dream of it." You say stepping aside inviting them in. Aziraphale smiled at you as he walked in, Crowley sauntered in behind him handing you the bag that he was holding.  You closed the door behind them and peer inside the bag.

"Jesus 'Zira, I have a cold, I'm not opening a bloody chemist." You say to him as he walks towards the kitchen to make himself a cup of tea, taking the dishes you had left on the table with him.

"Well I didn't know what you needed, so I bought everything."

You smile at the gesture, he really was so thoughtful. You make your way back over to the sofa where Crowley had already made himself at home. You roll your eyes, expecting nothing less from him. He gives you a grin.

"Move over," you whine at him as he lounges across the entirety of the sofa.

"Or what," he says playfully.

"I'll cough all over you."

"You wouldn't dare."

"Crowley, be nice." You hear Aziraphale call from the kitchen. He moves rather quickly.

"Bitched," you cough.

"Fuck off," he mumbles, throwing his sunglasses onto your coffee table. You take your place on the sofa next to Crowley, and lean your head on his shoulder. "Comfy?" he says with a smile. You nod against his shoulder as he wraps an arm around you.

"I hate being ill," you complain "everything hurts." Crowley just chuckles, giving you a squeeze. Aziraphale returns with two mugs in his hands. A cup of tea for himself, and a cup of green tea with lemon for you. "Thank you." You rasp as you take the mug off of him.

"Don't be silly," he tells you taking a seat beside you. "Just make sure you drink it while it's hot, it's supposed to help with your throat."

"Aye aye captain," you joke before a coughing fit racks through your body again. You feel Crowley run his hand up and down your back in an attempt to help soothe you. The couple shoot you a sympathetic glance when you're finally able to compose yourself again. "I'm fine, I'll be fine." You say picking up the TV remote and unmuting it. "And because you have crashed my pitty party you have to watch whatever movie I want to watch and I want to watch The Sound of Music." Crowley laughs from beside you as Aziraphale let's out the most unangellike groan. You smile at him, before finding the movie and pressing play. Maybe being ill wasn't so bad when you had your favourite celestials to keep you company.

[whynotjohnlock]

Incorrect quotes (Below the cut off)

Me at the start of season 2:

Me at the end of Sesson 2:

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(Y/N): If you want my advice-

Aziraphale: No offense but you’re the last person I want relationship advice from. You tried to kill your significant other. Multiple times.

(Y/N): First off, that was before we started dating. Secondly, they’ve also tried to kill me.

Crowley: It’s true. It was mutually attempted murder.

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(Y/N): I- I- I was gone for one day and somehow, you've managed to start a war between heaven and hell and get divorced- while kissing- from 6000+ years of being married?

Crowley: In my defense, I was left unsupervised.

(Y/N): Wasn’t Aziraphale with you?

Aziraphale: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised.

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(Y/N), watching Aziraphale and Crowley from afar: Two Bros, Chillin in a hot tub. Five feet apart because they think they’re not gay, BUT THEY REALLY ARE-

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Crowley: So, what is (Y/N) to you?

Aziraphale: The reason I wake up every morning.

Crowley: ...That’s adorable.

(Y/N) earlier that morning, barging into Aziraphale′s bookshop, smacking pans together: WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!!!

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(Y/N): You need a hobby.

Crowley: I have a hobby!

(Y/N): Fawning over Aziraphale isn’t a hobby.

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Aziraphale: Wow, they really hate us.

Crowley: Yes, perhaps they’re homophobic.

Aziraphale: But we’re not dating each other, Crowley.

Crowley:

Aziraphale:

Crowley: We’re not?

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Crowley: I want to kiss you.

Aziraphale, not paying attention: What?

Crowley: I said if you die, I won't miss you.

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Crowley: I'm trash.

Aziraphale: As someone who's environmentally conscious, it's my duty to pick you up. Does 7 work for you?

Crowley:

Crowley: You smooth bastard.

Crowley: And yes, it does angel.

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Crowley: My future partner must be brave, strong, intelligent, successful, evil, and demonic.

Aziraphale: *steps on a book and proceeds to drop to their knees and sob while apologizing profusely*

(Y/N): *is commiting arson, while apologizing to the ducks for disturbing them*

Crowley: Them. I want them.

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Crowley: Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday created by yours truly that holds no real value other than drive people insane and put stress on their relationship, often resulting in discord-

Aziraphale over the phone: I wrote you a poem.

Crowley, already crying and taking off his sunglasses: You did?