#fixfic

[drmajalis]

This is my ongoing Signalis longfic, 18 chapters and 46.7k words in it has just finished it's first major arc. It is a reincarnation romance that takes place post-game, starring Vinetan War veteran Gefreiter Elyanna Yang, and newly initialized REAR-type Rhea Replika A-200 "Ari" as they grapple with memories of their old lives bleeding into their new ones, and the inevitable draw the two feel toward each other, all beset within an oppressive, totalitarian autocratic state that is determined to make sure a relationship such as theirs will not be tolerated. Bring tissues, there's a lot of heartbreak. I've put a ton of blood, sweat, and tears into this project and would be delighted if you gave it a read and let me know what you think.

[juniaships]

As much as I want to ignore Shrek the Turd I think it's a lot rewarding to address its flaws than take the easy way out. So here us a list of what I would've changed had I wrote the movie.

Harold's death

- the choice of song is rather out of place

- only serves to push a dramatic moment/shove Artie into the plot

- I actually like Harold :/

How to fix it:

- Harold doesn't die. Instead he gets an old man crisis & Lillian decides to take him on vacation to recuperate; naturally leaving Fiona and Shrek in charge

- Harold does die but the moment is treated with actual respect.

- Harold doesn't die BUT there is a death: Artie's father. The Royal Family go to Camelot for the funeral and meets Uther's estranged son Artie. That way Artie's daddy issues has more purpose in the story bc he truly can't reconcile with his dad, and Shrek a more sympathetic reason to steps up as a father figure.

- Alternatively, Artie's mom dies and he is sent to live in FFW bc his father doesn't want custody. So Shrek AND Fiona has to deal with a teenager and both have fear of parenthood byt still wants to give Artie the best. This also allows Fiona and Artie to interact with each other

Artie

Problem: suffers what I call Chicken Little Syndrome, he's kinda bland and we don't know much about him. Also his bullied nerd background Only serves to make him sympathetic cuz everyone is so mean to him! Beyond being kind and kinda dramatic Artie doesn't have much else

How to fix it:

- Everyone has beef with Artie because of his father's reputation. Perhaps Uther had a bad spending habit which left Camelot in financial ruin or his habit of flirting with women left a lot of illegitimate children now they're all fighting over rightful inheritance and puts down Artie bc he's the youngest/weakest

- Camelot has a very warrior like society but Artie is more diplomatic/soft, which makes him look weak in the eyes of everyone else. Eventually his softness saves Camelot

- Artie has a legitimate flaw (his trust issues) which makes him unable to properly communicate with others.

- Artie has a few true friends who are outcasts like him. But their support drives him to pursue a career in politics so he can help them and ppl like them (giving his speech more credibility)

The Princesses

Problem: most of them were boring at best, unlikable at worst.

How to fix it:

- Give the princesses more likable personalities: say they WERE strong and capable but got so caught up in glamor bc they don't want to remember the painful past

Problem: Charming and Rapunzel

- Comes right out of nowhere

- doesnt make since given Charming's arc is all abput becoming villain why would he date ANOTHER princess?

How to fix it

- Rapunzel's new motivation is she doesn't want an ogre on the throne, or she got tired of the princesses bullying her for her baldness. Or that she's jealous the princesses still have their princes yet Rapunzel lost hers. Or maybe Charming DID save her and she's working with him as a favor.

- However she discovers Charming is not as cool as she thought bc he still treats her (and any princess) like objects and not their own person

- Keep Rapunzel in the princess group and create a new character from scratch

- this new OC is a part of the villains not because she is one herself but because they're the only ones who accepted her for one reason or another. This makes her a foil for Charming and Godmother's relationship. She's wants to help them & save the Poison Apple from closing.

- however Charming is very bad at being evil so she teaches him how to be more assertive and this sets up a romance.

Issue: Arthurian myth

Problem: Aside from being retooled as a school campus, the Arthurian mythos doesn't have much prominence in the story

How to fix it:

-change the main goal to finding Excalibur or the Holy Grail (kiddie Monty Python)

- or have it where Camelot is in a crisis of succession so an election or tournament is held to decide the new king. Noblemen from all over participate (introducing us to the Princesses). Shrek and Fiona helps Artie while Charming joins so he can finally get his own kingdom

- Artie turns out to have magic instead of Merlin (who is just a wacky alchemist/scientist) but he lacks confidence

- At the end have it where Artie forms the knights of the round table (with some of the characters and villains as members)

- Maybe make Charming "Lancelot"

Girl Power Message

Problems: They were sidelined most of the movie, preventing Fiona from truly delving into her responsibilities as Queen. Also most of the girl characters like the Princesses & Guinevere were portrayed as shallow b*tches or not having much relevance

How to fix:

- Make Fiona the focus character this time and her story is juggling queenly duties and her trauma in the tower

- Have the princesses be an underground guerilla force they help her take out Charming during the movie

- or have it where the tower was actually a school to train princesses-to-be and Fiona's Kiss was part of a sceret test of character to see if she really is fit to be Queen; accepting her ogress form means she accepts EVERYONE, so she passed the test

- Fiona demonstrates her leadership skills by planning and carrying out targeted attacks, & taking care of civilians

- MAKE ARTIE A GIRL it makes a cool twist fitting for a franchise like Shrek. Or give Artie a female companion/love interest who accompanies him on his quest (perhaps Guinevere or a new character)

- instead of Merlin they meet Nimue/Lady of the Lake who takes the role of the kooky mentor

- Like I mentioned, explore why Rapunzel betrayed the team; perhaps make her have a change of heart and help her ex friends escape.

- Or like giving Charming a new love interest one who is a caricature of the Evil Sexy Villainess or YA Novel Girlboss Protagonist (have her learn it's okay to be vulnerable)

- have Shrek puss and Donkey be the ones in danger and fiona and her princesses are the ones to go on a journey to save them

Puss and Donkey's subplot

Problem: it doesn't do much to serve the story but for cheap comic relief. Donkey is a father himself but doesn't seem to do much to help Shrek and Artie

How to fix it:

- make Puss absent of stay with the princesses to help them

- Donkey talks with Shrek about his experiences as a father

- Remove the body switch entirely

- or have a subplot where Donkey and Puss still aren't getting along and Merlin switches them so they can learn to see from a new perspective.

- Maybe have Puss admit he doesn't have a good relationship with his own dad or something, or is actually great with kids (stunning Shrek and Donkey)

Shrek's arc

- Issue: we don't delve much into his backstory, he only wants to shirk his royal duties instead of doing the smart thing and actually confronting them

How to fix:

- introduce more Ogres or Shrek's dad. Have it be a family reunion or Shrek's dad finds out he married into royalty and that sets up the overall conflict

- Have the babies born before the movie and the plot is spent with him being a stay at home dad or caring for them while in Camelot while Fiona is tbe working parent

- also sets up an arc where Fiona struggles to balance mother hood and her job

- artie gets more used to ogre (children) leading to a realisation he has to step up to make a better future for their sake (again a more sympathetic reasoning)

The Villains

Issue: Charming is just Farquad 2.0, the rest seem to be props in their own story, Rapunzel

How to fix

- Make a new character who represents the villain side we get an intimate look at how society treats outcasts

- Give the villains more screentime like say we follow a group of them during theur trip to capture Shrek. They eventually have a confrontation and in the fray Artie ends up helping a villain much to their shock. They realise Artie isn't a threat. Or have it set at the play

- give Hook or Doris a prominent role

- or a new major villain; make it Charming's dad who takes him under his wing under the guise of wanting to help his son but is just manipulating him for the throne

- Make Charming struggle how ti adapt to being a villain due to his upbringing

- make some of the villains less open to wanting him in his group or have it where they try to help him be more evil (setting up potential jokes)

- Have Charming and Fiona have an actual moment with Fiona pointing out she did dream of a prince but is happy with Shrek and warns Charming that he still wouldn't be happy even if he did get everything

- Give Charming an actual villain love interest as a foil to Shrek and Fiona

- Don't include Charming at all (marry him off to Doris even lol) and create a new villain inspired by Arthurian lore. Maybe the Black Knight? Mordred? Morgan le Fay?

- Or even Artie himself! he wants to use his new position to enact revenge on his bullies

- Instead of the villains taking over it's the other fairytale heroes led by a jilted Charming and Shrek teams up with the villains to save FFW

- Make Uther the main villain

[akallabeth-joie]

Day II: Crossover Fic

In which Courfeyrac & Henry Clerval make A Plan.

Also posted to AO3.

M. Courfeyrac 16 Rue de la Verrerie Paris

My dear Sir,

I received your letter of the 10th Ultimo and wholeheartedly agree to the proposals made therein.  I have every hope that your proscribed regimen of science, philosophy and most especially the bustling city of Paris itself will effect a cure in my good friend, Victor, whose sad condition has only deteriorated further following the series of unfortunate deaths which have occurred in his family circle (see enclosed for the newspapers' versions of events). I shall be forever grateful for the effort you and your friends, especially Messrs. Combeferre and Prouvaire, are endeavoring to take on Victor's behalf. If all else fails, your M. Enjolras's ability to 'scare a bit of sense into anybody through the intensity of his gaze' sounds promising.

I know not that I will be able to offer an equal effect on your friend M. Pontmercy, but I shall endeavor to do everything in my power to aid him. Mlle Lavenza, Victor's intended, has likewise pledged her assistance, and I have utmost faith in her compassion and ability to restore others to good cheer (even at this time of extreme sorrow in her adopted family). We have also, as need-be, the stark beauty of Mont Blanc to assist us, and (per your previous inquiry) a number of German-speaking acquaintances. I shall attempt to find an English tourist or two, if you think it will help his case.

I shall be leaving Ingolstadt with Victor on the 30th ins. Please direct all future correspondence to Geneva.

I remain, Your Obedient Servant, H. Clerval

P.S. I do not understand the allusion to handkerchiefs, but assure you that such articles are readily available in Switzerland. If this is deleterious to your scheme, we will need to look further abroad. Does your Pontmercy have any constitutional objection to, eg, Iceland?

*

M. Henry Clerval chez M. Clerval Geneva

My good sir,

I must thank you again for bringing your charming friend M. Frankenstein to Paris, and escorting my own dear Pontmercy to Geneva. Having reflected further on your words, I have every hope that the stark mountains of your homeland will catch my Romantic friend's imagination and break through his current state of melancholy. If you can discover any more details of this mysterious lady “U”, our mutual avian/orator friend has volunteered his considerable talents to discovering her identity. He feels a certain proprietary interest in young Pontmercy, as a result of their manner of meeting at school (and certainly intends well).

Combeferre has taken a great interest in M. Frankenstein's account of his experiments, though I fear all the pleasure was one the one side. He was certainly loath to begin speaking of it. (Un?)fortunately, a certain “R” was pouring drinks last night, and your friend's turn for the taciturn was not equal to the alcoholic waves of assault. I myself cared for him through this state of unintentional inebriation, and, being quite practiced (if I may flatter myself) in preserving friends from their own poor decisions, was able to ensure that he came through the ordeal none the worse. I have enclosed my preferred breakfast receipts for banishing hangovers (which have been scrutinized by no fewer that two medical students, and tested by many inmates of the law school) so that you may judge their efficacy for yourself and be assured that your friend is well cared-for.

When not inadvertently worshiping Dionysus, your Frankenstein has quite taken to my friend Prouvaire, and seems to draw great comfort from their discussions of philosophy. Not two days ago, I found them weeping over the mutual obligations that humans have to each other, and by all appearances both derived great emotional catharsis from this episode.

Your charming and unfairly handsome friend, Courfeyrac.

*

M. Courfeyrac 16 Rue de la Verrerie Paris

My dear Sir,

I have received your letter of the 4th ins, and am gratified to hear of Victor's progress. I hope that he was not been disturbed by the reports which have reached me of the recent troubles in the sewers and morgue of Paris. While one may know that disturbances in one area of the great metropolis may pass wholly unheeded in another quarter, the newspapers here in Geneva make such noise on the matter that I naturally fear for Victor's newly-regained equanimity.

M. Pontmercy has blossomed, and I see in him an earnestness that reminds me of Victor before his troubles (though united with a mind driven to poetry rather than natural sciences). I cannot take credit for this myself, but must tell you that Mlle Lavenza is the happy cause of this change. Elizabeth is, as I have told you, an excellent listener and truly gifted in bringing out the best of those around her. Under her patient tutelage, Pontmercy has realized that talking to women is an excellent way to learn their minds. I understand he has a new determination and plan for his return to Paris, to wit, introducing himself to the mysterious young lady and her father. They are apparently habitués of the Luxembourg Garden, and quite distinctive in appearance. I have enclosed a sketch, in case you are able to identify the pair and find a mutual acquaintance to facilitate the introductions. You will find on the reverse three of Pontmercy's most recent poems on Mont Blanc, and will happily note the changed tone from his first efforts.

I remain, etc., H. Clerval

*

M. Henry Clerval chez M. Clerval Geneva

I write in haste, Clerval, to support your plan of returning Pontmercy to Paris. I would relate to you all that has transpired since my last missive, but the details being so fabulous, I fear that you will not believe my tale unless heard from my own lips. I can, however, assure you that Frankenstein is greatly improved and eager to return home, and that none of us came out the worse from the recent excitement in this city. On the contrary, Frankenstein 'made' us a great help in the form of the newly-christened “Jean”, which is but one of the mysteries with which I lure you and Pontmercy back to Paris.  

I will pledge myself to make up for your trouble in escorting Marius both ways, though when I have relayed the tale in full, I'm sure you will see why it was necessary for me to remain in the city, though it upset our original plan of dividing the travel equally.

Courfeyrac

P.S. Do not tell Marius, but I have secured an introduction to the lady in question. I recognized her from your drawing as the one called 'Mlle Lanoire' by all the students in the quarter, and after delicate inquiries, endeavored to meet her and her father while attending my Aunt Cecile to church at Saint-Jacques-du-haut-Pas. Such lengths one will go for a friend! Mademoiselle herself is a charming young person, and if Marius is as improved as you say, I am sure they will soon become fast friends.

[silvertonguedcanine]

Fanfic Review: Security!

The breakout Worm fanfic piece by ack1308, complete at roughly 486k words. Though he did have several other works under his belt at the time, it was the one that properly caught people’s attention. A “self insert” fanfic author named Mike finds himself in the Worm setting at the start of canon as a security guard in Winslow. Armed with nothing but the tools of the public security trade and his knowledge of the plot, he sets out to fix everything that he can.

Honestly, Security! is well written, with Mike having a clear voice and personality, who acts like a realistic and pretty altruistic human being. He’s genuinely likeable, which makes it all the more enjoyable to watch him go around and deal out karmic justice to the more mundane evils of the story, such as teenage bullies and bureaucracy. He does work his way up the chain to the more out-there evils, but it’s nice to see the more relatable ones get what’s coming to them. It also goes out of its way to bulk out some of the side characters who are really only mentioned in passing, such as Mrs Knott, Taylor’s computer science teacher. Adds more depth to the character roster of non-capes.

Some of it does seem a little cheesey, with things going well for the man that seem a little farfetched, or people genuinely believing in his altruism, things that don’t normally happen in the gritty setting of Worm. Generally, it tends to go from bad to worse, if not catastrophic, and that kind of escalation is largely missing from this story, which may annoy fans of the grimdarkness.

All in all though, I would recommend this. It’s well written, it’s somewhat fluffy, and it makes a good palate cleanser to the darker aspects of the original story. If you like fix fics, jerks getting their comeuppance, and Shadow Stalker getting electrocuted, this is the one for you.

[kyliafanfiction]

There’s like... multiple levels of aspiration for ‘fixing’ a piece of media.

Level 1: Things that are minor changes that would have no major impact on the story/content/etc but would be quality of life improvements for you. Things like letting a character who clearly wants to say fuck say fuck, or cutting out a few of the unnecessary and cringey jokes, etc.

Level 2: Things that you can actually see the writers as having made as a different choice - choosing not to kill a certain character, or not go down an annoying subplot, but in cases where it’s clear the writers weren’t married to this notion from the start. 

Level 3: Things the writers probably wouldn’t have screwed up had RL not gotten in the way (actor/Actress leaving or being fired, resulting in character death or departure)

Level 4: Things a hypothetical set of writers could have done, but something the existing writer(s) almost certainly would not have (Making certain characters queer that wouldn’t have been, choosing to redeem a character that the writer clearly didn’t see as redeemable, etc)

Level 5: Things that, while you might have enjoyed seeing it in the media in question, you doubt the writers/developers/etc would have done it because it would have been unappealing to the vast majority of the general audience (taking a story clearly marketed to the Lowest common denominator and complexifying it with multiple layers of obfuscating lore and moral conflict, or equally, taking a show that runs on complex and layered moral questions and turning it into a simple good vs evil story, etc)

Level ���: Something that you love in fanfic or fanart, or mods or other fan-content of the source media, but that you would never want to see in the original (certain heavy themes you wouldn’t trust in Hollywood’s hands, or certain dirtybadwrong ships you love to read about but wouldn’t want the canon version of the characters to be in, etc)

[july-19th-club]

i know for a fact i have made this post before but for me it's very important that bbc merlin is a pointless tragedy. it wouldn't be good (it's frequently not good anyway but it would be a lot further away from good) if it wasn't a pointless tragedy! it's simply not arthuriana if it doesn't go past the high point of the heroic/legendary/high medieval romance stuff and end with detailed rundowns of exactly how everybody got betrayed and died like that is what makes it real arthuriana to me and not just a silly show about a wizard

[dragongirlfangs]

[curemoonliite]

i could fix her (a character who got fucked over by bad writing decisions and is practically the poster child for the "x deserves better" meme)

[coldgoldlazarus]

Metroid fics either end early, or live long enough to become yet another Other M fixfic.

(Not a bad thing, to be clear, just an interesting trend I observed in scrolling through the Metroid tag on A03.)

(After filtering out all the bad porn and Smash crossovers first, anyway.)

[multi-writer]

⚠️⚠️⚠️ZELDA TOTK SIDON SPOILERS⚠️⚠️⚠️

.

.

.

HERES THE PROOF IVE BEEN HAVING THIS NIGHTMARE AND NOW ITS A REALITY

SOMEONE PLEASE WAKE ME UP

I NEED FCS ABOUT MY SHARK PRINCE AND READER INSTEAD OF THIS NEON SHARK WOMAN 😭

FIXFICS PLEASE

[celestial-lions-den]

The whole Susan Debacle in the Narnia fandom is weird for me. Because on one hand, a lot of people reduce the problem to C S Lewis being sexist, and make it out to be like Susan is a victim who did nothing wrong. Even though she willingly started distancing herself from her family. And tried gaslighting them into think Narnia was never real. And willingly became shallow and vain and cared more about social standing than doing the right thing. Which are very real flaws.

But on the other hand I get why people get upset over her not being there. It is sad she's not there with her siblings and Aslan. Lewis admitted in response to fan letters that he didn't want to write Susan's story, because it would be a mirror of his own return to the faith later in life and would have been too adult for the Narnia stories. He even encouraged people to write their own stories about her finding her way back to Aslan and her family. But this is never hinted at in the books themselves.

It's a weird situation where I think people take Lewis in bad faith and aren't even being honest about what they're upset about. But I also think Lewis himself could have tackled this part of the story better.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that Lewis didn't deserve the backlash he got for it. But also people's fixfics where Susan gets reunited with her loved ones are things Lewis himself encouraged. And it's nice to know that in some way a happy ending for her is very much canon. Or at the very least was the intention of the author even if he never wrote that himself.

[matrixdragon]

So, bad RWBY fixfic that hates the source material crossed my dash again, and it reminded me of one of my idle thoughts about such things.

If you make Roman the main character, you have to try and make him bearable to the rest of the cast. Which means making him less of an asshole. Because otherwise, watching that inflicted on the heroes every ep, with no way to get rid of him, makes you wish he'd been eaten by a Grimm

[tarisilmarwen]

Ahsoka "The Jedi, The Witch, and The Warlord" Liveblog

Woo boy, there were certainly some Choices in this.

Yeah yeah, I'm late and spoilered to hell I know, look, I have been Going Through It out in realspace and my priority has been finishing Whumptober fics, cut me some slack.

Anyway.

Lars Mikkelson continuing to crush it as Thrawn.

"Even I fell victim to the... heroics of a single Jedi." Looooooool another bit for my collection of Pissy!Thrawn moments.

We're not going to get an explanation for why the Nightsisters and Thrawn are so tight, are we?

Morgan looks a little bit trepidacious about all of this ha ha.

All right, a point in this show's favor, this look at Nightsister rituals and culture is interesting.

And the flaming sword is cool, I'll admit.

Ngl, the editing really needs to be tightened up in this scene, we really only needed the one or two establishing shots before cutting into the interior.

Eman continues to be the perfect Ezra. I love him. 10/10 no complaints.

Ngl, this is sweet on the surface that Ezra's new saber has pieces of Kanan's buuuuuuuut *waves Green Saber Ezra Supremacy flag*.

Sabine, let him borrow y'all's lightsaber and YOU build a new one.

Ah goody, an Exposition Reveal.

-_-

This... doesn't actually explain Baylan's "Your family is dead because your Master didn't trust you." line btw. JUST SAYING.

I don't even know what the narrative wants anymore re. Sabine's choice to gamble Thrawn's return for Ezra.

Aaaand please not to be reminding me of the Wrong Jedi arc kthnx.

Oh good an action scene.

Ezra and Ahsoka being cool Jedi together, nice. Could be more emphasized and staged even more coolly tho.

Well poop, I guess that's the reason why we had to risk stowing away on Thrawn's ship.

Oh good! This holomap thing is exactly the kind of plot device I actually needed for one of my Sabezra Week fills.

Lol Thrawn be taking NO chances lololol.

Oh hello finally some of Thrawn's theme in the score here. Thrawn using the men's loyalty and fanaticism towards him personally to achieve his goals, fits the culty vibes, sure.

I am liiiiiviiiiiiiiiiiing for the subtle nervousness in Ezra's voice when talking about Thrawn finding the Dathomir castle and waking the witches. PLEASE CAN I HAVE A THOUSAND WHUMP AND ANGST FICS ABOUT THE IN-BETWEEN BEFORE EZRA'S ESCAPE FROM THE CHIMAERA?

His arms are so comfortably around Sabine awwwwww.

Thrawn be all srs bznss and I'm loving it.

Yeah no, Jedi!Sabine is REJECTED, she did not have any kind of necessary mental or emotional breakthrough, she wasn't shown calming her mind properly, sorry Dave THE LEGWORK AIN'T THERE, Imma fix this to be Ahsoka in the inevitable rewrite/fixfic that I've apparently decided I'm doing.

Oh Ahsoka is helping too, well I'm still not having Sabine be able to do it.

HAAAAAAAAAA THAT PISSED LOOK OF THRAWN'S OH MAN THE SNARLING LIP CURL, THE RAGE, YES PLEASE MORE.

The struggle to recompose himself OH MAN.

This is peak Mirrorverse!Thrawn and I'm here for it. I love seeing my headcanons playing out onscreen.

Aaaaaand this would have been the perfect scene to have Ezra and Sabine sharing the Our Lightsaber, meanwhile Sabine should be fully kitted out Mando style.

*simmers*

STAGE THIS DIFFERENTLY SO THAT SABINE'S BESKAR IS NOT CONSTANTLY LITERAL PLOT ARMOR PLEASE.

Aahhhhhhh Ezra my love! <3

Should have either let him use the Our Lightsaber or continued with the Force martial arts though, pick a lane. Or have a conversation about why they need to actually get him another saber.

Eman is... waaaaaaay better at this than Rosario, sad to say, lol.

Look at him GO THERE'S MY BOY.

I love him.

Oh what are we doing now?

Ohhhhh the zombie!troopers!

Lol Ezra must have left before the Nightsisters could show Thrawn their zombie techniques.

Eman makes this look flawless, I am in love.

Battle Couple Sabezra moment, awww.

"I missed you."

FAKSJHFAKJFHHKKHHHFHFH OKAY DEAD.

DEAD AND DECEASED.

LIKE THE ZOMBIES LOL.

Aaaaaaaaand I'm gonna adjust this in the fixfic, because right now it looks like they were waiting to actually dock.

And my typing is being slowed down hang on a second.

Still dumb.

Okay back.

Thrawn basically telling Morgan, "Right, so you're going to have to go fight the Rebels and stall die for me, mmkay?"

She's looking like she might regret all of this now lolol.

I do like how the finale is making it very very easy for me to fix later lol.

Like here. Morgan should have attempted to stop Ezra and Sabine. Just a small attempt, and then blocked by Ahsoka, and Ezra and Sabine run around and outmaneuver them.

BATTLE COUPLE SABEZRA. :D

Aaaaand final trailer shot accounted for.

Okay, can there be a little more effort on the choreography there please?

Oh no Sabine, EZRA SAVE HER.

Or we could retcon Sabine into actually legitimately being Force Sensitive and have her pull the Our Lightsaber.

SIIIIIIIIGHHHHHHH.

*grumbles, takes down notes about how to fix this in my rewrite*

Oh come on Ezra, you can jump that.

Catch me melting at the sheer and utter trust Ezra has in Sabine's abilities.

(But also, screw this, she's getting a jetpack in the rewrite.)

Aaaaaaaaaand I do hate that they got separated again, screwing alllllll of that.

Nice of the troopers to just politely stop shooting.

Yeah so, this is basically gonna be a 1 v 100 for Ahsoka when I rewrite it, let my girl have a hard fought climactic battle, she can take it.

"Your friends are dead." Uhhhh nah they ain't what does this bit of dialogue even connect to?

Lol Ezra gets to put on the big boy stormtrooper armor.

The vaaaaaaaaaguely panicky twitches that Thrawn has here. A+, excellent, no notes.

No kill like overkill LOLOLOL.

Thrawn, internally: Shitshitshitshitshitshitshiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

Ah Thrawn is going to try Break Them By Talking. Ezra tanked this let's see if Ahsoka can do the same.

Nope, she's Affected.

Aaaaaand he out.

Bye Thrawn!

Hmmmmgh, yeah no, because in my rewrite I'm axing the entirety of Sabine actually becoming a Jedi it's going to be better that she goes with Ezra on the Eye of Sion instead of stays with Ahsoka, if she stayed a Jedi then yes that's what the conclusion should have been that makes narrative sense now that I see it.

But also again, I Do Not Like That Plot Point so--*grumblegrumble mumble*

Hi Morai!

Bandit queen Shin? I could dig it.

Baylan chilling with Mortis god statues.

I STILL DO NOT SEE ANY SOLID EVIDENCE THEY'RE GONNA DO ABELOTH GUYS, SORRY.

And Thrawn is setting up base on Dathomir. Lol wait til he finds out that there's basically nothing there anymore lololol.

Those uh... those be a lotta dead troopers. Probably most of the Chimaera crew.

...Cripes did they die naturally, did Ezra kill them, or did Thrawn pull some kind of Jonestown thing in order to enact his eventual revenge?

Oh maaaaan what if it's that last one, that would fit with the cult-like chanting in his intro omgghghhhggkajsfkjh.

Frick man, Thrawn fixing to unleash an undead army on the GFFA that can really only be taken out by lightsabers.

Oh come on, you're telling me Ezra was on the Eye and didn't pull some last minute shenanigans before he left?

Didn't screw Thrawn over one last time for nostalgia's sake?

(He and Sabine are blowing up some engines before they skedaddle, in the fixfic.)

HERA AND EZRA SHOULD HAVE BEEN ALLOWED A HUG, FILONI.

The attempt at bookends here is cute but no. LET HERA HUG HER SON.

THIS DOESN'T EVEN REALLY WORK AS A BOOKEND.

YES THE PART WHERE CHOPPER RECOGNIZES HIM IS CUTE BUT THIS IS WASTED DRAMA. THERE'S NO REASON FOR THIS.

LET HERA HUG HER SOOOOOOONNNN.

This whole scene just doesn't work because we're trying to shoehorn it into being a bookend for the opening, it doesn't wooooooooooorrrrrk.

THEY SHOULD HAVE HUGGED.

*furiously taking down notes on how to rewrite this scene*

*grumbling*

Blah blah Sabine can feel Anakin there but Ahsoka can't? blah blah blah.

Aaaaaaand closing us out with "As The Sun Sails And The Moon Walks"

Well.

Where do I begin?

Okay so... final verdict... I DO actually like this show.

THAT BEING SAID.

There was soooooooo much about the execution and so many of the narrative choices that I just NEEDED to be better and it frustrates me. Because this show by all rights should have been a spectacular emotional thrill ride like Kenobi and it just wasn't.

A lot of the problems and nitpicks I had with Kenobi are exacerbated here, especially under Filoni's brand of, "I didn't care for what Lucas did with the Prequels, here let me fix it." NO FILONI IT DIDN'T NEED FIXING IT WAS FINE! HOW THE FORCE WORKED WAS FINE! THE JEDI WERE FINE!

But there's such GOOD STUFF in here that I can't discount it all fully like I can with the Sequel Trilogy. (Which, believe me, I have attempted to workshop and fixfic but ultimately gave up on.) The purrgil lore! The Ancient Dathomiri! Another galaxy! Whatever Baylan was up to! Sabezra being adorable! Thrawn!

Soooooo yeah, basically join me sometime in the future for when I inevitably create a fixfic AU for this show like I did for Aldnoah.Zero because unfortunately I can't give up on this show I need to fix it, just hand me the characters and story and I can fix it.

Can't do much for the camerawork, choreography, and occasional stiff acting (Not you Eman, Natasha, Ray, Evan, and Lars, you're all great.) but I can at least salvage that part lol.

Ultimately... mid. Excellent premise and cool concepts brought down by subpar execution and some frankly baffling narrative decisions. But gimme like a week and I will workshop a Fanon AU that I can be completely happy with.

Hopefully we get a Season Two? Maybe? Or resolve everything in the Mandoverse movie?

Peace out, y'all.

[sjswrites]

One Shot Masterlist

Updated: 10/21

Fluff: ☁️

Angst:🔥

Smut:🌶️

Motherhood:👩‍👧

Sad: 💧

My Heart | Natasha Romanoff

Aggressive Affection ☁️🔥- This type of is Nat's love language (and mine too).

You Are Worthy ☁️ - Fixfic for AoU

Fr tho... Pockets | Yelena Belova

One Week🔥🌶️- Everyone has their own way of discpline. This is yours... and it's effective.

Nana - Another fixfic. You're welcome.

Doggo Mama | Kate Bishop

She Does Talk ☁️🔥- Living out my mysterious girl dreams.

I Hear You - The importance of listening...

Early Anniversary - Best girlfriend award goes to me. Thank you.

Hard of Hearing, Not Deaf - No summary... Just... You're welcome.

Chaotic Queen | Florence Pugh

Stupid Leaf ☁️👩‍👧- Mama Flo... You're welcome.

My Goddess - I worship the ground she walks on.

Multifaceted Mommy | Hailee Steinfeld

Baby Gay - Hailee isn't the jealous type... sure.

World War III - The world will know no peace until one of you is right.

[azdoine]

"what if they cracked perfect lyctorhood at canaan house and no-one had to die?" is the oldest fixfic genre in the fandom but I think we can make it infinitely funnier now that Nona is out. what if the necromancers discovered the Grand Lysis and assumed that was the intended path to ascension. what if Harrow thought the Lord her God was ordering her to fusion dance with Gideon and blew a gasket about it