#for all the breadheads out there

[exhuastedpigeon]

Today's loaf might be some of my best work yet.

[disappointingyet]

Between The Lines

Director Joan Micklin Silver Stars Lindsay Crouse, John Heard, Jeff Goldblum, Jill Eikenberry, Bruno Kirby, Gwen Welles, Stephen Collins USA 1977 Language English 1hr 41mins Colour 

Classic indie ensemble piece – before that was a thing

If you’d seen this at the time, which of the male actors do you think you would have picked out as the future movie star? The obvious thing to say is one of the rectangular-headed blonde guys, especially because John Heard is sort-of the male romantic lead here. But then again, this is the 1970s, the era of Al and Bobby, so maybe you go for Bruno Kirby – the short Italian guy who had actually shared scenes with De Niro in The Godfather Part II.

Watching in 2023, we know it's the tall, weirdly magnetic Jewish dude who seems all limbs who would become much more famous than the rest. The film ends with the camera locked on Jeff Goldblum and he’s fully formed here – the day after I saw Between The Lines, I watched an episode of Search Party from last year that he’s in, and if the mannerisms are a little more extreme now, they were certainly already there. 

It’s a formidable cast of then up-and-comers. It’s not quite a 1970s equivalent of Short Term 12, but almost all of these people went on to have good careers: Kirby and Heard as beloved character actors and Jill Eikenberry and Stephen Collins as leads on hit TV shows (as was Marilu Henner, who has a memorable few scenes in this film). Maybe I think of Crouse as bigger than she is because House Of Games was a very-much-talked-about film back in the day and she was a Columbo villain, which puts her in the company of Donald Pleasance, Janet Leigh, Rip Torn and Johnny Cash. (She’s also in the worst Buffy The Vampire Slayer storyline, but that’s not her fault.)

Never imagined John Heard and Lindsay Crouse as a cute couple

And it’s Crouse who gets the most screen time in this packed ensemble. She plays Abbie, a photographer working the Back Bay Mainline, an alternative weekly newspaper in Boston. Heard is Harry, one of the paper’s star writers and her sometime boyfriend. Goldblum is Max, the rock critic. Collins and Gwen Welles are Michael and Laura, both writers, but he’s the one working on a pompous-sounding book and she’s struggling with being in his shadow. Kirby (27 but looking much younger) is the newly joined boy reporter and Eikenberry is the long-suffering office manager. 

In a lot of ways, this a classic American indie movie about a bunch of bright young folk (eg, the already mentioned Short Term 12). Only that wasn’t really a thing yet in 1977. There were plenty of  films at the time, though, shot in scruffy, believable locations with sprawling casts (indeed, a few of the stars of this had been in Robert Altman pics). It was in the 1980s, I guess, that things started to separate out again. It was shot in only two weeks so I’m assuming the budget was pretty low – there are a couple of aerial shots that feel designed to make you sense this is proper movie.

And it’s a good example of the ensemble movie, a movie that makes us feel immersed in this little world, a very likeable film, funny in places, sharply written. And I don’t think it wrong to say Joan Micklin Silver is clearly bringing a woman’s perspective here – it’s easy to imagine a film that would have indulged and glorified Harry and Michael, rather than exposing their fragile egos. (There’s also a couple of good exchanges between Laura and Abbie that pre-figure the Sally/Marie ‘I don’t think he’s ever going to leave her’ riff in When Harry Met Sally.)

Between The Lines treads fairly lightly in boomer regret and nostalgia – there’s a bit of stuff about the passing of the counterculture, references to the early days of the paper as part of the underground press and the idealism of that moment, contrasted with the mid-1970s when it’s professional enough to be the target of a takeover by a guy who in that earlier moment would have been described as a breadhead.  But that never becomes the main theme — this isn’t the Return Of The Secaucus Seven or The Big Chill. Maybe it was a bit too early for that, and that's probably a good thing.

What feels like it was maybe intended as the movie’s marketing trump card is the presence of Southside Johnny and the Asbury Jukes, who were famous as Bruce Springsteen’s mates. They are on the soundtrack, mentioned in the plot and then play at a party. Never really been a fan – they represent the brassy bar band side of Springsteendom that I like less – but it’s kind of fun to have them here. 

At the time I write this, MUBI have a bunch of Joan Micklin Silver films up, aiming to get a serious consideration of her career. This is the first one I have seen, and I’m fully sold. 

[konpeitounosei]

About a year ago, my Breadwinners obsession started. I watched the show when it first came out in 2014 when I was in fourth grade, and I became obsessed with it. I would always watch it with my friends whenever I went to their houses and I’ll admit, I had somewhat of a crush on Ketta and a few other characters (I mean, who can blame me? Swaysway is pretty attractive). As time went on, I kinda forgot about the show in a way. But for some reason, 8 years later, that show popped up in my head when I was at my part time job, and as soon as I got home, I rewatched it and fell in love with those ducks again. In fact, the show made me visit a pond near my house to look for ducks and geese and got me interested in ornithology (the study of birds). I do want to thank all of you Breadheads and the Breadwinners community for giving me a place to express my love for the show and to indulge in other BW content. You baps mean so much to me!

[adultswim2021]

Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job #19: “Pepperoni” | January 21, 2008 - 12:15AM | S02E09

Another great episode. This one is jam-packed, and has a substantial amount of deleted or alternate sketches associated with it. That’s good for me, because I hate when these write-ups are just me pointing out funny things. What am I, Jay Leno’s famous Headlines segment from The Tonight Show Starring Jay Leno on NBC? Did you know that one of the worst things I ever saw on television was him pointing out intentional humor in a Papa Johns print ad? At least I think it was Papa Johns. Hey, remember when Tim and Eric did that Papa Johns thing in that thing? Nice. I’m back on track. Thanks for sticking with me.

Do you wonder why this episode is called “Pepperoni”? Well, wonder no more. This one starts off with a very brief cold open that reprises Tom Goes to the Mayor in live-action! In it, the Mayor gets increasingly frustrated with Roy Teppert for turning on his discman every time the Mayor uses his pointing stick to turn it off. The punchline is we cut to Tom Peters at the door, looking awkward.

What does that have to do with “Pepperoni?” Why did I do a paragraph break before giving support for my thesis statement? Well, I’ll tell you: there was originally MUCH more to this sketch. Seemingly this was meant to be the wraparound for the episode. There are two more deleted scenes from this sketch where Tom is clutching a pepperoni stick, and they get into a gentleman’s wager over weather or not that pepperoni would go well with a Cheese Pizza. I’m not entirely sure why these got the axe. They are pretty funny and I think they should’ve banked them for another episode. I guess it’s good that these guys generally like looking forward with their material, but I would’ve been all for them returning to the Tomiverse for more live-action mayubernatorial fun. 

The runner of this episode revolves around Bread Harrity, famous for being my friend C-Dog’s Geocities username. Bread is a Mediterranean man who loves entertaining children with songs about Spaghetti and Meatballs. This series of sketches is actually focused on the Breadheads, two trashy trailer park women who adore and desperately want to become Bread’s sexual partners. They openly talk about how much they hate their children and their current stations in life. It’s weird how disgusting some of the lines are in this sketch, only to have the relatively innocuous “bush” be bleeped out. I’ve always taken issue with that! This ends with the girls finally meeting their idol, and coming off too desperate and creepy when they sing a song about becoming his love slaves. He backs off, because he simply wants to “do it in the dark” (for some reason this line has reverberated in my head for the past decade and a half). 

There’s also another Kids Break that, like most of them, fails to recapture the magic of the first one. But that’s okay. They put a fun twist on this by calling it a “teen edition” and Tim & Eric have aged their characters up slightly. They are cool bad boys in this one. Originally this was conceived in a similar vein to the previous Kids Break sketches, and the deleted “preppy” version can be found on the DVD in the special features.

Hobby Holes features Fred Armisen as K.J. Nutt, a man with a British accent who just loves holes in the dirt and wants to teach you all about them. This sketch is fine, but it does feature one of the more sublime moments: K.J. Nutt is reciting the contents of a letter telling him he can’t make a hole in a piece of paper, but for some reason the graphics on screen show a complete letter with an opening salutation and closing valediction while the body only reads one single line: “You silly man.” without the rest of the text. I don’t know if I did any kind of job relaying this joke, but it’s one of my favorite bits in the entire series.

This sketch is reprised with embarrassing behind-the-scenes footage of the host freaking out, which is becoming formulaic at this point (Pussy Doodles, Crystal Shyps, probably others that I’m forgetting, all did this same thing). I might not have noticed this trend if it weren’t for the fact that this instance of it doesn’t do too much to add to the sketch. Nothing tops “You silly man.” for me. 

Hey, we got Brules Rules. In this one he instructs everyone to just eat ants that get on your picnic food, because they are made out of protein. I genuinely remember being taught this during cub scout camp, and a teenage counselor actually ate an ant in front of us. I remember thinking, “I’ll be damned. I guess you can eat those things.” I still never have, at least not on purpose. 

Video Match: Rainn Wilson is back! YIKES! This isn’t particularly inspired; he’s basically just saying Dwight style stuff about being a gamer. BORE-ING. 

There’s “Writin’ a jingle for Tom Skerrit.” which sorta exists in the canon of “Tim & Eric dicking around at the Abso Lutely offices”. This one actually has a ghastly surprise; after work-shopping their ideas for a Tom Skerrit jingle (for what purpose exactly is never explained), we pan over to see a tired-looking Tom Skerrit, who walks out on the meeting, unimpressed with Tim or Eric. Tim scolds him for wasting their time, and Tom offers back “you didn’t do a good job”. Great Job.

This one notably ends with The Shins playing over the credits, doing a cover of the “Never gonna Wipe My Butt” song. I remember thinking maybe this song originated on stage or something, or that I’d heard of it before this episode. Turns out I may have: The Shins performed it in late 2007 and a video of the performance made its way onto Youtube around then. It’s possible Tim & Eric debuted the song during a live show, but I must be thinking of this. They probably started performing it after recording their version for Tim & Eric in this episode. 

There’s one more deleted sketch; at least I’m choosing to attribute it to this episode because Tim & Eric are dressed in their same wardrobe as they were in the Tom Skerrit sketch. It’s given some title like “BEHIND THE SCENES” and in it, Tim & Eric present an actual lost sketch to the audience: the deleted Gibbons and Friendy cartoon. We see this briefly in season one’s “Friends”, shown on a television screen for a few seconds. So, the reason they didn’t include it on the season one DVD was because they filmed a new intro for it for season two and deleted it again.

Shout out to this great Youtube channel which has playlsits of Tim & Eric DVD extras. I’m a lover of physical media because of great extras like this, but I’m also pro people uploading DVD extras to YouTube so everyone can enjoy them. Go find the other deleted scenes I mentioned there!

[glitched-dawn]

Alright, so. I think it was a month or so, back during autumn break. Me and my friends had planned to finally begin playing D&D, and I was gonna be their DM.

This isn't the "fun" part, though. The fun part is that they didn't know about me being FTM. They all called me my deadname, and it was only one of them, my cousin from USA, who actually knew and remembered that I am FTM. I've also told one of my closer cousins, but she has either forgotten or it's just a huge fear of consequences.

Anyways. I wasn't sure I wanted to deal wtih being called my deadname foran entire night, no less by my closest friends, so I popped into our Discord chat and told everyone a little about the sleepover, talking to Kat (my cousin from USA) at the same time, asking if I really should come out. She said that yes, I should do whatever I wanted, and she would always stand behind me. If I had more than a goddamn pot of cement as feelings, I would've cried right there.

So I tell my friends that hey, I would like it if you didn't call me my deadname, and they immediately asked me what name I wanted to be called. So I told them what name I wanted to be called, and they all agreed to call em by my real name and my guy if I could cry I would've been BAWLING right there.

We were generally just making a fun time of it, not some super emotional stuff which I found relieving.

So the sleepover went great, we managed to order and get a D&D kit the day before we began playing, so it wasn't CLOSE to RAW, we even called it "Cooked D&D" since we were barely following any rules, just tabletop roleplaying to the adventure I'd written (that I still haven't finished).

The funniest thing was that when my friends asked for the address, we were gonna be at Kat's place, so I sent this cute little threat to make sure they wouldn't leak the address:

The worst thing that happened was that I forgot to eat dinner, we spilled a little water on some of the kit essentials, and one of my players kept fucking every single NPC (to the grade he now has an elf boyfriend and will have two or more babies next session, plus he has his own undead skeleton, from the BBEG), and I still haven't finished the adventure. Overall, I'd say it was great, but I was worried they might go back to calling me my deadname.

They didn't! It was awesome! My cousin (I'll call him Gust) tried his best to say my real name, and it was so sweet! He said it wrong a few times, but he always corrects himself, and honestly I fucking love that. Kat was super chill with everything, she's having a few of the same problems I have, so we're super homies about that.

But here comes the best part. My newest friend, Thetr, at first he just reacted with a breadhead image when I came out, which I found hilarious. I thought he was kind of on the edge between accepting it or keeping to my deadname, but he had a big plot twist coming.

Skip to a few weeks later, and we're playing Terraria together, just having a good time. He's meticulous to only call me my real name, and after a while, he brings the Caleb-thing up, as we've begun to call it. He wonders if I've told my parents. I say that yes, I've told them, and no, my parents aren't calling me by my real name.

And he fucking flips. He doesn't get "real" angry, but he's irritated and annoyed, he says he can't fucking imagine the disrespect, and that he gets irritated just hering them say the wrong name.

Cue, my mother enters the room, loudly saying my deadname, wodnering if I've done the dishes. So naturally, I say no I haven't, but it breaks into chaos as Thetr begins screaming my real name into his mic, trying to get my mother to hear him. Eventually, I have to take out one earbud to hear what my mom is saying.

I can't even describe how happy I am that he supports me. We've only been friends for a little less than a year, but I'm not hesitant to say he's one of my closest, if not the closest of my friends.

And now, to the present. Thetr and I were playing again, and I was just about to unplug my laptop and bring it upstairs so I could continue playing without disturbing my family (who were sitting in the couch to my left, as I was playing by the table in the living room). But all of a sudden, my mother just gets up, says "I had a bad day", grabs and closes the fucking laptop and storms off with it, leaving Thetr completely unaware of anything that happened. Then I bring out my phone and plug in my airpods, since I literally can't last two seconds of understimulation, and so I need music. Then my dad grabs my phone before I can put on music and fucks off to the couch with it, and I know I can't meess with him to get it back. So yeah, my relationship with them is pretty damn shitty. My teachers are honestly acting like better parents than mine.

So I just sit still for a while, messing around my art station as I'm trying to figure out what I can do to show them that what they're doing has consequences.

I take a shower, and eventually bring up my school computer to my room, so I can write - and type to Thetr on Discord. I tell him that holy shit, what my parents did was so fucking petty and unnecessary, and he agrees. Even better: he says I have to let him sleep over at my place.

His plan? To correct my parents every time the say my deadname, explain to my siblings since they don't know, tell them he's shocked my parents haven't told them yet, genrally shame the shit out of them.

And I say hell yeah, that's fire, since we can both work on a song we're gonna make together (for a horror skit content channel we haven't started yet), go into the forest, watch horror movies, and even start a second campaign, only the three of us. Because Thetr suggests we bring Kat along, because the three of us are the only ones who really enjoy horror, and are interested in making this horror channel.

So this sleepover is gonna occur somewhere during winter break, which is real fucking soon. I'm gonna update what happens, but still, I'm a little bit scared.

My parents aren't the best. They have trouble accepting who I am, they don't really believe that I have mental issues (except for autism, which my mom thinks I have, that I definitely do have), and they suck at dealing with arguments.

For real, I go into verbal shutdown each time they start arguing, and that is the only time I'm prone to crying. And all they want me to do is answer their fucking questions, and they won't let me go until I have.

I think my dad is worse, and he's most likely going to be the one to flip his shit during the sleepover. He might not allow Thetr to sleep over at my place again, or he might not let me hang out with him during group activities, or even invite him to hikes or sleepovers at all.

And I don't want that to fucking happen. I don't really know what to do, but I have to do something. My parents have known about the Caleb-thing for two years, and they're still neglecting it. Thetr has know about it for eight or more months, and he's already better than them.

My best shot is that Thetr offered his extra mattress if I wanted to run away.

I don't really know, sorry about the rant. I just don't know what to do anymore.

[keen-jean]

The Time Is Now!

TIME TO STOP FEELING FUCKING SORRY FOR YOURSELF!

TIME TO STOP FEELING FUCKING BAD ABOUT YOURSELF!

GO OUT AND LIVE YOUR LIFE!

LIVE THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR LIFE!

I know you don’t know who you are yet, but you don’t have to know right now.

You’ll get there.

But in order to get there, you have to start. Start right where you are.

Go.

The world awaits.

[cuppa-ale]

THANK YOU for reading! (more under the cut)

Start | Previous | END

Text:

Page 19

*LEVEL DOWN*

SwaySway: Good boy.

*GRAB* *MUNCH*

Buhdeuce: Ya know, he isn't so bad after all.

Page 20

Bread Maker: I'm back! Wolfy didn't cause you any trouble, did he?

Buhdeuce: Oh no, HE didn't cause any trouble...

Bread Maker: I take it you had things under control?

SwaySway: Yep, nothing much happened here! Haha....

Buhdeuce: But hanging with Wolfy was fun!

Bread Maker: Why do I smell burnt toast...?

SwaySway: I never want to see bread like that ever again.

Buhdeuce: Agreed.

----------------------------------------------------

I've never drawn so much bread in my LIFE... lol.  Again, sorry if the ending is a bit abrupt. This comic was originally going to be 16 pages long, but I wanted to extend some of the action scenes and added an additional page towards the end.

I started this comic in 2016 with the goal of proving to myself that I could actually finish a comic... and then kept dropping it for extended periods, lol. It felt important for me to finally finish it this year, especially as my interest in making comics has grown.

I did feel kind of insecure about the story and whether I did it "justice", and that anxiety held me back a bit. But I also realized that I could never know unless I just put it out there. So I welcome any feedback and even constructive criticism you may have, lol.

Doing this has taught me some things, I think, about what kind of writing process works for me, and what I do and don't want to do with future comics. (that aren't about Breadwinners.)  

All the dialogue is pretty much the same, but I added some additional things as I mentioned that weren't "scripted" and it made the story flow a lot better for me than trying to stick to a rigid plan. I still have more to learn and experiment with finding a way to plan comics that works for me though.

I based this a lot on the official comics, and was trying to make this as if it were actually one of them, sort of.

Anyway. Enough of that, lol. I hope you enjoyed! Even though it took forever, I enjoyed working on it, and being able to share it with whatever "breadheads" are left even more!

P.S.: Happy Halloween everyone!!! 🎃 🎃 🎃

[windupnamazu]

>TEXT CHANNELS #mom-panic

ffxivwrite2020 #13: badinage || masterlist || ao3 mirror

⮞ lunya and «balefire». 680 words? ⮞ «balefire»’s main street/modern au! its... a chatroom fic... i know... ⮞ lunya's first mistake was telling her friends she had any sort of feelings for the new boy in town

"light, playful banter or raillery."

closest to hell ok. fuck. closest to hell earlier today raha went off on this huge tangent about old sharlayan fashion for me and he brought in these books that were in limited print!! exclusively in sharlayan!!! and he went on for like, three hours and i. was just enraptured. it was so endearing and im like, im having a moment. ive been having a moment and i AM having a moment. like ideologically i dont agree with men but they REALLY went off with this one closest to hell twelve help me i cant NOT kiss him banned for baby crimes but you wont :3c closest to hell but i wont because im a coward yes, we established this last week and you and zaya squashed all the fruit gummies my dad sent me, i know closest to hell let me cry about this cute boy kriles been hiding from me for years in PEACE banned for baby crimes lunya youre posting cringe :''') closest to hell satina im going to put thumbtacks in your shoes

"We are sitting at the same table," Hanami finally snapped, glowering over the rim of her glasses while she stabbed her spoon at one of the pastries spread before them, the ones the café owners special-ordered to work around her six million allergies, "So I do not understand why you are texting each other."

"'Cause the others aren't here yet, Grandma." Lunya rolled her eyes, ducking her head in time to avoid her friend's swing. "Also, like, I'm not going to talk about this out loud in public while Tataru's on shift, I don't have a death wish."

Hanami frowned harder than she already was. "You just called me Grandma."

Sati reached across the table and took the Au Ra's hand in hers, patting the back of it very patiently. "Yes, yes, you're very scary, Nami. But you don't gossip—"

"I do," Tataru announced cheekily as she pushed through the café's front door, striding across the patio to them with their drinks. "The whole town already knows Lunya's got a crush on that boy visiting the Baldesions for the summer, by the way. It's just not exciting anymore."

"I'm gonna get Seven to review bomb your Moogle page," Lunya promised her as she handed out their drinks, and Tataru just grinned, wriggling her fingers slyly at them before she went back to work.

local breadhead lmaooo you two local breadhead also we're on our way! we're a lil late cause eos knocked over the baguettes 🥺 Hanami Hagane That is what you get for letting your cat have free rein in your bakery. reese is in pieces :O( they yell if we dont :( reese is in pieces :O( also has anyone heard from zaya? this says zaya 🏃🏽🌻💪 closest to hell i think that means theyre heading over from a'dewahs shop banned for baby crimes ok ok ok so banned for baby crimes lunya. we take your little man to the arcade. > local breadhead little man pffff Hanami Hagane He is taller than you. this says zaya 🤣 banned for baby crimes NOT EMOTIONALLY!!! banned for baby crimes and like. youre like, freaky good at ddr and all the games n stuff, so you can just show off all night and impress him and he'll be like banned for baby crimes "ooh miss lanya youre sooo cool ooooh please make out with me" closest to hell you just want me to get the tickets to get you that big strawberry plush you told the aliapohs to order as a prize since ihgets banned from there for making khloe cry banned for baby crimes maybe so reese is in pieces :O( you could just reese is in pieces :O( ask him on a date? Hanami Hagane I agree with Reese. You are both so obvious, he will say yes if you ask him. closest to hell i dont need to take advice from linkcord light theme users local breadhead f banned for baby crimes f this says zaya 😬 reese is in pieces :O( :(

[fistsoflightning]

23: i wanna know what you’re doing tonight

prompt: shuffle || masterpost || other fills || ao3 mirror

word count: 2796

Does writing music based on things your friend said count as flirting?

It’s AU brainworm time everybody >:3 This “main street” AU is basically balefire/mom squad’s ‘what if we made a bunch of small town romance ideas and mashed them together’ which turns out to be a lot more hilarious than it should be. Featuring (chat) cameos from @windupcatgirl @to-the-voiceless @windupnamazu @verbroil and @winduphaurchefant because why not. Title from this song!

For all intents and purposes, Zaya enjoys autumn; summer heat cooling off into a pleasant chill, the sunlight that lingers enough to keep warm in the early weeks. The trees may die, but in doing so they grow colorful, and though the flowers in A’dewah’s little shop don’t do the same he changes which ones are on display to match better with the tree outside. It does mean Krile—and more recently, one G’raha Tia—have to return to Mor Dhona, their studies resuming, but it’s not like they can’t chat.

It does, however, mean the return of autumn showers—and they don’t even hate rain that much—and fortunately Zaya managed to forget their poncho just as the first big storm pulled in. Mor Dhona wasn’t that far of a drive away, really, just two or three hours on a road Zaya had taken enough times before, but in the middle of a rainstorm? Without a rainproof coat?

Well, at least Miss Eldfalk’s documents are staying dry in the carrier at Zaya’s back, even if the chill of the rain has already soaked through the wool of their jacket and started to dampen their shirt by the time they pull into the parking garage just a block or so away from the museum waiting on Sjanna’s delivery. Thankfully the inn is just an elevator away and not on the other side of the road; they should keep a spare poncho or umbrella in the motorcycle luggage next time.

Zaya pushes the thought aside as they slip off their helmet and the phone in their pocket begins to buzz about, safely tucked within the canvas pocket of their overalls and hopefully not just as soaked as their hands are. Wiping their palms and fingers on the inside of their legs, they unzip the soggy jacket and tug out the borrowed phone to see the numerous Linkcord notifications—of course.

Leaning onto the front of their motorcycle, Zaya hardly takes a second glance up to the storm just out the window behind them as a few taps and a swipe unlocks the screen, opening up to the Linkcord discussion of the day (night? Night.)

[ text channel #mom-panic; 9:47 PM ]

banned for baby crimes zayaaaaaa i miss you Hanami Hagane You are just saying that because you have no one to drag around the fair. Hanami Hagane Besides, they will be back tomorrow afternoon. banned for baby crimes no i’m not!! that’s too long!! i brought ihget but he’s being stupid and wont ride the ferris wheel with me :’) banned for baby crimes i cant find lunya and reese either so now im stuck with himbo here local breadhead we’re just by the cotton candy stand! lunya’s waving at you ;) banned for baby crimes OH THERE YOU ARE HOW DID I MISS YOU        hold on i gotta grab the chad first local breadhead 😊 banned for baby crimes but i really miss zaya even if they’re just over in mor dhona.. so does ochir he- i- banned for baby crimes has anyone seen ochir ihget lost him in the crowd- this says zaya 😱 reese is in pieces :O( YOU WHAT?? local breadhead oh dear lmao reese is in pieces :O( i hope no one tries to take him :( reese is in pieces :O( lunya says if your stupid catboy loses zaya’s bird shes not going to make you two the mini versions of zaya’s courier hat banned for baby crimes IT SNTO MY FAULT ZAYA JR HERE WAS BEIGNB ROODY ADN LOOKED AWAY         NOOOOOOO,,, Hanami Hagane Why bring the bird with you, anyways. Zaya lent you Ochir’s cage. banned for baby crimes he made sad noises when ihget n i were abt to leave,,,,

The chat quickly devolves from there into Sati panicking about Zaya’s violet-backed starling going rogue and everyone else jumping in and hells, they are not in the mood to manage that. Drops of water fall from their chin onto the screen; they hastily wipe it away before shoving the phone back into their pocket and hop off their motorcycle. A few quick movements with the key round their wrist opens up the luggage attachment with the satchel of papers inside—blessedly dry, thank the gods they splurged on a decent one instead—which they swing over their shoulder as they start walking to the elevator.

A dripping trail has probably followed them all the way from the parking garage to the lobby, they think in passing as they stop at the front desk, waiting for the receptionist to turn around. Their hand goes to fiddle with the small keychain on their keyring as they wait, still dripping their own personal puddle around them.

“Hello, hello! Welcome to the Seventh Heaven, how may I—” Tataru turns around, small smile widening into a sunny bright grin when she sees them, even if they’re dripping all over the lobby. “Zaya! Good to see you back again; need a room for the night, then?”

A curt nod (that sends water droplets onto the surface of Tataru’s desk) is all she needs to hop off her stepping stool and onto the ground, waving Zaya along before she cheerily marches down the halls with a keyring jingling in her hand. Not even the gloomy rainstorm thundering outside can put a damper on her mood, it seems.

“Payment for the night’s stay may be given in the form of Gannet Bay gossip, alright?” Tataru unlocks the door to a nicely decorated room with a quick turn of her hand, playfully winking over her shoulder as she does. Her violet eyes glimmer almost the same as Lunya’s, really; filled with teasing joy and secrets. “I’ve heard from the grapevine about a certain catboy quite enjoying the atmosphere out there, now!”

She steps aside as the door swings fully open, giving a little curtsy, and Zaya gives her an energetic thumbs-up as they walk past her into the room, pleasantly warm and bright from the small fireplace in the corner of the room, banked low so its amber glow only flickers across the floor.

First things first: getting out of all the soggy clothing they’re wearing.

They hang their satchel (papers still neatly bound inside, good) on the wall hook by the door and haphazardly strip off their shoes and socks, followed by the once-warm and fluffy jacket as they look about for spare hangers.

Ah; Tataru always has their back. Hanging on the end of the bed are a set of four or so hangers, which Zaya snaps up with ease, carefully slipping the wooden hangers through sleeves and loops as they finally get to their undershirt—blissfully dry, if not a bit cold. Their overalls aren’t all that damp on the top but are more than soaked the further down the legs one looks… hopefully that dries quick enough.

Just as they finish kicking their ankle-high boots to the mat by the door, a quiet yet unfamiliar chime fills the room, and Zaya nearly thinks to check outside the door for the noise when the light vibrations trickle up their arm. The soft ringtone—someone humming along to a muffled orchestra, maybe; not the smartest of choices for a calling ringtone—grows louder as Zaya stares down at their collection of soggy clothing.

...Alright, second: answer the damn phone?

Zaya nearly fumbles all the hangers to grab their phone from the pockets of their overalls and accept the call, only briefly reading the name from the screen before his face pops up in its place. White hair and a charming grin, perhaps—that is, to anyone who hadn’t heard the words that fall from his mouth like gentle rain.

(Okay, well, maybe that just helped. Zaya wasn’t going to say that out loud to anybody regardless; it didn’t matter what they thought of Thancred’s charms. Probably.)

“...I’d say ‘good evening’ but I wager you are having anything but just by the water dripping off your hair,” Thancred says in lieu of greeting, his voice warm and surrounded by the distant sounds of the usual fall fair attractions. “So instead, I’ll say this; is that old phone serving you well enough?”

Zaya nods; given, this one’s a bit clunky, but the lightness of their actual tomephone may have indirectly been the reason that they’d dropped it while helping out around town and eventually cracked the screen. At least Thancred had offered to lend them his old one for the trip to Mor Dhona in case, just on the off chance someone truly needed their attention, like for lost birds and ways to punish a distracted idiot.

They set it on the table, the front camera facing towards the window as Zaya steps into frame, still fiddling with the hangers in their hands. Mor Dhona may be covered in a gloomy storm, but the golden lights from the buildings around Revenant’s Toll Square still glow brightly in the distance, a refuge from the biting torrent of cold rain.

“Survived the water,” they sign slowly, stepping closer to the fireplace in a subtle attempt to dry off a bit quicker, almost fumbling when their fingers stiffen, chilled to the bone. Thancred laughs, the bridge of his nose crinkling just a tad like how it does when he can’t stop cracking himself up. “Still has power, too.”

“Glad to see it has survived, then.” There’s a slight pause where Thancred stops talking (and laughing) to catch his breath, the small silence filled with Zaya leaving frame to go hang their soaked clothes over the fireplace to hopefully dry for tomorrow. When they come back to look at the camera, a kaleidoscope of colorful lights dance across Thancred’s face, some colorfully lit attraction before him leaving his platinum blonde hair awash with a rainbow of color. “The storm there should burn off by early dawn, though; hopefully you will not have to drag yourself home dripping wet from your business in Mor Dhona.”

Ah, good. They yawn as discreetly as someone who’s on a video call can—which is to say, not very, and a rosy flush must spread on their face when Thancred chuckles under his breath, low and steady. 

“Forgive me,” he says next, voice lowered as if he were disturbing someone’s rest. “I must be keeping you from collapsing; I can’t imagine a drive in the freezing rain and getting soaked is the least draining way to spend one’s night.”

In-between stretching out the tense muscles in their back and neck do they grunt some noise of agreement, the strain flaring momentarily before melting into a drowsy warmth that drips down the ridges of their spine. Really, spending time in Mor Dhona at all is a draining waste of time—when you make your home in somewhere as vibrantly quiet as Gannet Bay it’s hard to want the big city over the comforts of familiarity, of knowing each shop and its owners personally, of being able to help them all and see their smiles.

At least they can see one person from home, now.

“ ‘S fine,” they mumble softly, heart stuttering when Thancred’s smile widens at the sound of their voice. Part of them wishes they were there to playfully elbow him for that—it’s not that rare tha they’ll speak—and the other part of them they are desperately trying to ignore. “How’s th’ fair.”

“Wonderful.” He looks up for a moment as Zaya wraps themselves in the bed coverings, presumably to whatever booth or stall is shining down on his face with fluorescent lights. “Ryne’s had a wonderful time, I think. I haven’t seen your friends around, but would you like to hear about the odd variety of attractions around?”

Zaya hums sleepily, waiting for him to continue. They hardly even notices when their eyelids grow heavy and their fingers return to their usual warmth, entranced enough by the fond familiarity of Thancred’s voice as they drift off to sleep.

…

The next morning, Zaya wakes with the dawn that rises across Mor Dhona, the bright golden sunrise sneaking through the cracks of the large curtains to tickle their bedsheets. The cityscape outside the window is covered by low autumn morning fog, glimmering as the sunlight dances over it and the puddles the passing storm had left behind in its wake. Outside, it is nearly silent, only a few passing cars and hardly any pedestrians around when Zaya does their morning stretches by the window.

As is always with a trip into the city, they fall into an easy routine; wake with the sun, stretch out whatever they can without breaking something, get dressed and hastily grab everything before rushing out the door, wave Tataru a rushed but genuine goodbye. Trot down to the parking garage, check the bike, throw the satchel back into the luggage on the back as they slip on their stereo cuffs and flick through playlists on their phone before going to get breakfast at the Bismarck—

Zaya pauses their flick-tap scroll through the playlists on their phone when they catch one with their name. Odd; Thancred did always have the habit of making his friends their own personal playlists, but they’d like to think they didn’t give him that much of a read on their tastes just yet.

Shrugging to no one but themselves, they tap on the playlist and let it begin to play as they slide the phone back into their overall pocket, starting up their motorcycle’s engine just as the song begins to play.

They stop. 

[ DM history with @superbolide; 7:36 AM]

zayaya ❓ zayaya 🌅😊❗🎵🎧💿❓❓ superbolide good morning to you too :) you’re up rather early superbolide something the matter? superbolide ah          i haven’t got another song for you yet, if that’s the question   rest assured, i’ll find something yet! zayaya 🙅

It hardly takes them more than a few seconds to grab a small screenshot of the playlist in question, sending it and another screenshot back to Thancred as they quietly listen to the same song Rjoli and Reese had playing near constantly for last Valentione’s Day in the bakery—still manages to be catchy, somehow. Let it not be said that acoustic covers were not their favorite.

The notification ringtone chimes when Thancred responds, cheery and bright.

Zaya goes a bit bug-eyed at what he types next, the song fading off as the next one on shuffle comes up—piano, humming, Thancred’s voice—

Thankfully, for it being so early in the morning, there’s no one around in the parking garage to judge the frankly embarrassing noise they make at their phone, or the bright flush that spreads across their face.

It isn’t like that, they remember saying, sputtering like a fish out of water when Lunya had barely insinuated that Thancred’s small wave as he walked past was a bit more than friendly. There’s no way he’d be interested in the courier that helped him choose out a ribbon at the local boutique, of all people! He doesn’t even know where I work!

Zaya drops their forehead onto the dash of their motorcycle, careful not to hit their horns against anything as they do.

Looks like they were wrong, about it ‘not being like that’. Maybe.

(Oh gods, they really hope they’re wrong.)

…

[ text channel #mom-panic; 8:03 AM]

💬 this says zaya is typing...

this says zaya😑 this says zaya💭🌑💘 🤟 ❓ banned for baby crimes DOES HTAT MEAN WHAT I THINK IT DOES closest to hell zaya qestir i swear on your lover boy’s life clarify for the peanut gallery local breadhead :0 reese is in pieces :O( i think            hm reese is in pieces :O( zaya did thancred just confess or did somethign else happen this says zaya [ superbolide: oh haha i must have forgotten to upload those to my lifestream] this says zaya [ superbolide: there are some songs i did save, but all the clips there were lyrics i thought of after chatting w/ you 😉] this says zaya [ superbolide: i could make an EP dedicated to you w/ the inspo you gave me] this says zaya [ superbolide: that is, if you don’t mind] Hanami Hagane I told you he was obvious. closest to hell SATINA YOU OWE ME GUMMIES FROM SHOOTING STAR I CALLED IT closest to hell IT WAS OBVIOUS THE MUSIC HES MAKING WAS BC OF THEM local breadhead oh bless… that’s v sweet… banned for baby crimes HBHBHHB NOOO MY HARD EARNED GIL,,, banned for baby crimes BUT WE ALL WERE RIGHT ABOUT HIM THO reese is in pieces :O( awwwauaua!! banned for baby crimes so banned for baby crimes zaya banned for baby crimes when’s the wedding this says zaya 😡😡😡 closest to hell me🤝sati “when’s the wedding” this says zaya 👆💀🏡 Hanami Hagane You two better start running. banned for baby crimes WAIT ZAYA NO-

[365tomorrows]

The Breadhead Boys

Author: Thomas Desrochers

This mess I’m in, it’s kinda my fault. You see, I was hanging down at Louie’s, yackin’ with the other breadheads in the back room, and Mack comes in with this smirk like he’s scored big. I asked him what the deal was and he took me aside and told me, “Hey, Vinnie, buddy, I cracked it, see? I figured out how to grab all of somebody’s information, history, secrets,…

[metropolitanbakery]

Make It A Merry Metro Holiday

It’s time to dazzle your friends and family with a Yuletide spread that would surely get a smile out of Paul and Prue (hey there fellow Great British Baking Show fans)! If you’re not spending hours in the kitchen perfecting your Stollen or Panettone recipe, let us lend a hand this Christmas. Pre-order today!

Special for Christmas

Buche de Noel $48: Blood orange soaked chocolate sponge cake rolled with chocolate mousse, espresso buttercream, and white chocolate ganache. Enough said. Serves 6-8.

Panettone $20: James learned to make this traditional Italian Christmas bread from his grandma Tucci. Our version has cherries, golden raisins, candied orange, candied lemon, honey, almonds, cocoa, orange zest, sea salt, and olive oil. Pro tip... this makes an outrageous French Toast.

Stollen $18.50: Dark raisins, cherries, candied Meyer lemon, black mission figs, almond paste, cardamom, dark rum, and orange zest all come together in this heavily powder-sugared loaf. Not your grandmother’s fruit cake!

Bourbon Chocolate Pecan Tart $40: A rich, buttery crust, bourbon chocolate filling, toasted pecans, and edible gold leaf for good luck. Serves 8-12.

Cranberry Pear Linzer Tart $26.95: Packed into a buttery-almond crust is a jammy filling of cranberries and dried pears spiced with cinnamon, nutmeg and clove. Serves 6-8.

Gingerbread Pound Cake $14: A moist, fluffy, slightly sticky cake that combines a little sweetness with the spiciness of ginger. Serves 6-8.

Herbed Fougasse with Sea Salt $8: Our take on the “Tree of Life”, this Italian loaf is studded with rosemary and maldon salt. It’s almost too beautiful to eat -- though that would land you on the naughty list. 

Garlic Parmesan Bread $9: Our killer focaccia-like round with whole garlic cloves, asiago, fontina, and parmesan cheese. Alex Delany of Bon Appetit says, “The first time I ever had a ‘moment’ with bread was at Metropolitan off of Rittenhouse. Still having those moments, especially when a Parmesan-garlic focaccia loaf is involved. Look at those jammy, caramelized whole cloves.” (photo x Alex Delany)

Don’t forget! You can pre-order all of our regular breads, plus sweet classics like our Chocolate Layer Cake, Flourless Chocolate Cake, and pints of our housemate ice cream (think Boozy Eggnog and Peppermint Bark). 

How To Order / When To Order

Pre-order by 1pm Saturday, December 21st for Monday, December 23rd and Tuesday, December 24th. We’ll ask for payment upon ordering so your pickup is a breeze. Speaking of pickup... 

Call 215-545-6655 to pickup in Rittenhouse and 215-222-1492 to pickup in University City. Sorry breadheads, we don’t offer pickups at our Reading Terminal Market location. 

Holiday Hours

Tuesday, December 24th

Rittenhouse 8am-4pm

Pizza & Cafe CLOSED

Reading Terminal Market 8am-4pm

University City 7:30am-1pm

Wednesday, December 25th

All locations CLOSED

Tuesday, December 31st

Rittenhouse 7:30am-7pm

Pizza & Cafe CLOSED

Reading Terminal Market 8am-6pm

University City 7:30am-1pm

Wednesday, January 1st

All locations CLOSED

What To Do If You’re Not In Philadelphia 

Shop customer favorites at www.metropolitanbakery.com and get free shipping on orders over $150 with code SHIPMEFREE! Order by noon on Friday 12/20 to guarantee arrival by Christmas Eve.

[yourbread-blog1]

The ceiling is dough,  the floor is dough,  the walls are dough, I live in a giant loaf

[adambstingus]

None more paperback: the best sex, drugs and rock’n’roll memoirs

As Skid Rows Sebastian Bach publishes a tell-all autobiography, we survey some other notable efforts from the metal memoir genre

I was a total asshole, scrawls Sebastian Bach in his memoir 18 And Life On Skid Row. Thinking back on it now disgusts me. Quite, you mumble, as you survey a narrative wasteland strewn with bunched fists, cocaine, vodka, fellatio, singed pubic hair, denim shorts and exhaustive asininity. But suffer he, and we, must. Ever since the 2001 publication of The Dirt, Mtley Cres bogglingly squalid backstage confessional, the unvarnished tell-all has been a rite of passage for the reflective ageing metaller, with life lessons dispensed against a backdrop of, as Bach attests, near-total assholery. So many of these memoirs are out there now that its not easy to tell where one pounding anecdotal buttock ends and the next begins. Heres a guide to those that, inevitably, go up to 11…

I Am Ozzy Ozzy Osbourne with Chris Ayres (Sphere)

He is Ozzy. Photograph: Hachette

The gist… Stupefied pensioner galumphs through tempestuous life story in manner of concussed pantomime cow (back end).

Pages of… Drugged vicars. Machine-gunned chickens. The clap. Booze, bats, rehab, regrets and a bewildering preoccupation with fellow celebs toilets (If youre reading this, Roger Whittaker, sorry for wiping my arse on your shower curtain). Dignitaries wince and ex-wives lunge for rolling pins as trad metal memoir becomes something closer to metal sitcom, with hapless Ozzy as the accidental maverick (gurns) in a world of breadheads and squares (rollerskates into duck pond).

Typical quote… OZZY, ARE YOU PISSING IN MY FUCKING SINK?

Crazy From The Heat

David Lee Roth (Ebury)

David Lee Roth: Crazy From the Heat. Photograph: Penguin Random House

The gist Synapses melt and patience turns to fondue as Van Halens original frontman Diamond Dave rampages through his metal past like an air horn in tights.

Pages of… Gnashing bravado. Crashing similes. The words Im a multimillionaire repeated at intervals of 0.0003 paragraphs. Non-chronological score-settling, Partridgean proclamations of the Ive read Huckleberry Finn 200 times variety, and lovemaking (sic) so explosive its accompanied by car alarms and falling masonry, as well as some strange euphemisms (We commenced delivering the groceries at 138 beats per minute).

Typical quote… She turned my shorts into grilled cheese.

Mustaine: A Life In Metal Dave Mustaine (HarperCollins)

Dave Mustaine: A Life In Metal. Photograph: Harper Collins

The gist… Imperious Megadeth poobah fires succession of pontifical edicts from the flaming trebuchet of his own ego.

Pages of… Heroin. Exorcisms. Beer. Third-person passive-aggression wreathed in guffclouds of self-righteousness (When Dave Mustaine announces his conversion to Christianity, theres no shortage of people eager to find hypocrisy in his decision). Lemony musings re his early ejection from Metallica, brutal punch-ins with a conga-line of understandably miffed bandmates and, ultimately, Dave Mustaines Spiritual Awakening.

Typical quote… The first time I heard Lars Ulrich play drums, I was shocked at his mediocrity.

Alice Cooper, Golf Monster Alice Cooper with Keith and Kent Zimmerman (Aurum Press)

Alice Cooper, Golf Monster. Photograph: Penguin Random House

The gist… Shock rocks own Uncle Giggles plonks life story on a tiny wooden peg and fore! tees off for a memoir that whizzes effortlessly down the fairway (*removes sunglasses*) of common sense.

Pages of… Golf. Sobriety. Golf. Turtlenecks. Golf. Christ. 13.5-tog celebrity anecdotes: Lou Reed asked me for help with his swing. And ellipses so loaded with profundity that you could drop a five iron in the gap that follows (Im a golf addict. But it didnt used to be that way) and it would still take days to hit the bottom.

Typical quote… Once again, Alice Cooper was ahead of his time.

Slash Slash with Anthony Bozza (HarperCollins)

Slash: The Autobiography. Photograph: Harper Collins

The gist… Ambulant hard rock piata is recast by co-writer Bozza as deep-thinkin and surprisingly endearin chronicler of Guns N Roses pretty heavy scene.

Pages of… Steeple-fingered self-analysis. Genital warts. Cardiomyopathy, homelessness, McRibs, boggling pharmaceutical adventurism (I just ran fully naked and bleeding down the fairway) and sex so incessant its like being shot in the face by a pump-action bum gun.

Typical quote… I had no remorse whatsoever about my overdose, but I was pissed off at myself for having died.

18 And Life On Skid Row by Sebastian Bach (Dey Street Books) is published on Thursday 15 December

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/12/12/none-more-paperback-the-best-sex-drugs-and-rocknroll-memoirs/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/168464623377

[webbygraphic001]

20 Best New Portfolios, January 2019

Welcome back, WDD Readers. It’s January 2019, and we’re all coming back to work bleary-eyed and bushy-tailed. Why don’t you take a moment to put off wor… I mean get inspired by these new portfolios? We’ve got a fair bit of variety in aesthetics and strategies this month. Enjoy.

Note: I’m judging these sites by how good they look to me. If they’re creative and original, or classic but really well-done, it’s all good to me. Sometimes, UX and accessibility suffer. For example, many of these sites depend on JavaScript to display their content at all; this is a Bad Idea, kids. If you find an idea you like and want to adapt to your own site, remember to implement it responsibly.

Robbygraphics

Robbygraphics starts us off with some modernist minimalism and a touch of illustration. It’s a part of that business-friendly wave of design that I mentioned recently, and it’s a fine example of the trend.

My only critique is that the hero image on the home page could really be SVG. PNG is great and all, but large vector illustrations are better served in a vector format, these days.

Platform: WordPress

O

Yup, this designer is named “O”. The one-page portfolio is a bare-bones as the name, with simple typography, screenshots, and red blobs that change shape as you scroll.

I’m not a huge fan of animations that absolutely depend on having smooth scrolling turned on (I keep it turned off), but overall, it’s a good-looking site.

Platform: Custom CMS built on Ruby (I think)

Florent Biffi

Florent Biffi stands out in the crowd with bold text on a sort of… wrinkled cloth texture? Look, the effect, while simple, is fairly striking. I haven’t seen it a lot. The rest of the site is fairly standard sans-serif fare with thick headings and occasionally-overlapping elements. That first striking visual is enough to keep a user scrolling all on its own, and that’s the point, isn’t it?

Platform: Static Site

Timo Kuilder

Timo Kuilder makes new-age-ish cip-art-ish illustrations that look… way better than that sounds. So of course the whole site leans into the aesthetic, using a light masonry collage of the work to sell their services.

Platform: Cargo Combined with Backdrop, apparently.

D7 Creative

D7 Creative takes an interesting and highly interactive approach by making every section of their one-pager look almost completely different. I mean, that’s one way to showcase your range, right? Plus, they have a fully functioning game of Snake that you can play.

It’s not the most visually consistent approach, but rules are made to be broken eventually.

Platform: WordPress

Playground

Playground is a fusion of the corporate-friendly aesthetic (including lots of solid blue and red) with the constantly-overlapping elements of more post-modernist web design. There’s also plenty of animation, but it’s understated enough that it’s not too distracting. I like this style a lot, but don’t make me come up with a name for it, please.

Platform: Static Site

Camilo Alvarez

Camilo Alvarez hit me right in the nostalgia. I had a phase where I used a sort of “film grain” effect for almost everything. Well the film grain is back with an animated vengeance, overlaid on a sort of post-minimalist design. As with most of these sites, it’s a bit JS-heavy for me, but it’s pretty and it’s making me feel young again, so it’s here on the list.

Platform: WordPress

Fly Digital

Fly Digital is going very minimalist, and reminds me of the ’90s in a good way. I normally wouldn’t recommend a handwriting typeface for body text, but when there’s this little text, you can get away with it. Though the text could be bigger. And I wouldn’t blur out those client logos on the home page, even if you are going to unblur them on hover.

Otherwise, the site feels handmade and old-fashioned without feeling amateurish. It’s a fine line to walk, but they’re doing it.

Platform: WordPress

epo

Where other sites merely feel modern, epo feels super modern. It’s like flat design had a baby with a corporate color palette. It’s like easy listening music in web design form. None of that is criticism, mind you. If it gets them the clients they want, then it’s doing the job right.

Platform: WordPress

Breadhead

Breadhead brings us some of that classic elegant dark-layout minimalism that we don’t see nearly often enough these days. Thin type, illustrations, and an all around classy feel are what will make this design stick in your brain for a while.

Platform: Static Site

Marijn Bankers

Marijn Bankers’ portfolio reminds me, at first, of an animated spa brochure. You know, the whites and pastels, then thin type, the thinly-lined UI elements, everything. As you dive into the site, it feels more like an architecture firm.

And then it all makes sense when you look through the portfolio. His clients are exactly those who would appreciate the aesthetic. I keep highlighting websites with this approach for the simple reason that it works. Portfolios tailored to the clients just work.

Platform: Static Site

Anvar Shoe

Anvar Shoe’s portfolio eschews the aesthetic fusion we’ve been seeing lately for a site that looks positively post-minimalist. It’s artsy all the way with a mostly-one-column layout and effects that, once again, kind of depend on smooth scrolling to look good.

Platform: Static Site

YRS Truly

YRS Truly is an interesting case. I’ve previously featured portfolio sites that mimic an operating system, but this one fuses the “windows” gimmick with the general structure and layout of a normal two-column website. It’s odd, but it works, and it uses UI conventions that most of us are used to.

Platform: WordPress

Cleverbirds

Cleverbirds’ art portfolio is highly presentational and animated. No points for accessibility here, but if you want some creative and pretty ideas for monochromatic web graphics, look no further. It’s on the list because it’s pretty, and that’s that.

Platform: Static Site

João Pereira

João Pereira’s portfolio is just plain pretty; I love the use of color. While the text could use a little more contrast in places, it’s just generally gorgeous. Plus you can click the triangles in the background to see a list of his skills.

Sure, that’s not intuitive, but it’s better than any “skill progress bars” I’ve ever seen.

Platform: Static Site

Kristopher Bolleter

Kristopher Bolleter’s portfolio leads with text that says, “No cliché slogans, just work that speaks for itself.” Well, he might not know how often I use the phrase “speaks for itself”, right?

All kidding aside, he lives by that motto, presenting all his featured work on one page in old-fashioned iMac illustrations. Man it’s been a while since I’ve seen that instead of the mockup mobile devices. The whole thing isn’t very flashy, but it’s effective and serviceable.

Platform: Hugo

Adrien Laurent

Adrien Laurent brings us back to the flashy stuff with their portfolio. It’s post-modernist, presentational, pastel, and loaded with animation (I couldn’t think of an animation-related word that started with “p”).

Platform: Static Site

Translation

Translation takes a generally bold approach, starting with their overall aesthetic, and on to their assertion that “The world doesn’t need another ad agency.” With a monochromatic palette and really big headings, the whole idea seems to be to blast your brain and hope it sticks. Well it’s working for me.

Platform: Static Site

Anthony Florio

Anthony Florio’s portfolio is fairly standard modernist, with light artsy touches in the form of randomly placed illustration. And it wouldn’t be a photographer’s portfolio without some sort of collage.

Do you ever miss the classic grid full of thumbnails? Nah. Me neither.

Platform: Static Site

Corn Studio

No portfolio list of mine is truly complete without someone using yellow right. In this case, it’s the ever-so-appropriately named Corn Studio gracing us with the classic yellow and black, combined with some highly animated minimalism. It’s flat, it’s pretty, and it’s pretty good.

Platform: WordPress

Add Realistic Chalk and Sketch Lettering Effects with Sketch’it – only $5!

Source from Webdesigner Depot http://bit.ly/2M8ixb4 from Blogger http://bit.ly/2FrtMuL

[webart-studio]

20 Finest New Portfolios, January 2019

Welcome again, WDD Readers. It’s January 2019, and we’re all coming again to work bleary-eyed and bushy-tailed. Why don’t you’re taking a second to place off wor… I imply get impressed by these new portfolios? We’ve bought a good bit of selection in aesthetics and techniques this month. Get pleasure from.

Be aware: I’m judging these websites by how good they give the impression of being to me. In the event that they’re inventive and authentic, or traditional however actually well-done, it’s all good to me. Generally, UX and accessibility undergo. For instance, many of those websites rely on JavaScript to show their content material in any respect; it is a Unhealthy Thought, youngsters. Should you discover an thought you want and need to adapt to your personal website, bear in mind to implement it responsibly.

  Robbygraphics

Robbygraphics begins us off with some modernist minimalism and a contact of illustration. It’s part of that business-friendly wave of design that I discussed lately, and it’s a nice instance of the development.

My solely critique is that the hero picture on the house web page might actually be SVG. PNG is nice and all, however massive vector illustrations are higher served in a vector format, as of late.

Platform: WordPress

  O

Yup, this designer is called “O”. The one-page portfolio is a bare-bones because the title, with easy typography, screenshots, and crimson blobs that change form as you scroll.

I’m not an enormous fan of animations that completely rely on having easy scrolling turned on (I maintain it turned off), however general, it’s a handsome website.

Platform: Customized CMS constructed on Ruby (I believe)

  Florent Biffi

Florent Biffi stands out within the crowd with daring textual content on a kind of… wrinkled fabric texture? Look, the impact, whereas easy, is pretty placing. I haven’t seen it lots. The remainder of the location is pretty commonplace sans-serif fare with thick headings and occasionally-overlapping parts. That first placing visible is sufficient to maintain a person scrolling all by itself, and that’s the purpose, isn’t it?

Platform: Static Website

  Timo Kuilder

Timo Kuilder makes new-age-ish cip-art-ish illustrations that look… method higher than that sounds. So in fact the entire website leans into the aesthetic, utilizing a lightweight masonry collage of the work to promote their providers.

Platform: Cargo Mixed with Backdrop, apparently.

  D7 Inventive

D7 Inventive takes an attention-grabbing and extremely interactive strategy by making each part of their one-pager look virtually fully completely different. I imply, that’s one method to showcase your vary, proper? Plus, they’ve a completely functioning recreation of Snake which you can play.

It’s not essentially the most visually constant strategy, however guidelines are made to be damaged ultimately.

Platform: WordPress

  Playground

Playground is a fusion of the corporate-friendly aesthetic (together with numerous stable blue and crimson) with the constantly-overlapping parts of extra post-modernist internet design. There’s additionally loads of animation, however it’s understated sufficient that it’s not too distracting. I like this type lots, however don’t make me give you a reputation for it, please.

Platform: Static Website

  Camilo Alvarez

Camilo Alvarez hit me proper within the nostalgia. I had a part the place I used a kind of “movie grain” impact for virtually all the things. Nicely the movie grain is again with an animated vengeance, overlaid on a kind of post-minimalist design. As with most of those websites, it’s a bit JS-heavy for me, however it’s fairly and it’s making me really feel younger once more, so it’s right here on the record.

Platform: WordPress

  Fly Digital

Fly Digital goes very minimalist, and jogs my memory of the ’90s in a great way. I usually wouldn’t suggest a handwriting typeface for physique textual content, however when there’s this little textual content, you will get away with it. Although the textual content might be larger. And I wouldn’t blur out these consumer logos on the house web page, even when you’ll unblur them on hover.

In any other case, the location feels handmade and old school with out feeling amateurish. It’s a nice line to stroll, however they’re doing it.

Platform: WordPress

  epo

The place different websites merely really feel fashionable, epo feels tremendous fashionable. It’s like flat design had a child with a company coloration palette. It’s like straightforward listening music in internet design kind. None of that’s criticism, thoughts you. If it will get them the shoppers they need, then it’s doing the job proper.

Platform: WordPress

  Breadhead

Breadhead brings us a few of that traditional elegant dark-layout minimalism that we don’t see almost usually sufficient as of late. Skinny sort, illustrations, and an throughout stylish really feel are what is going to make this design stick in your mind for some time.

Platform: Static Website

  Marijn Bankers

Marijn Bankers’ portfolio jogs my memory, at first, of an animated spa brochure. You realize, the whites and pastels, then skinny sort, the thinly-lined UI parts, all the things. As you dive into the location, it feels extra like an structure agency.

After which all of it is smart if you look via the portfolio. His shoppers are precisely those that would recognize the aesthetic. I maintain highlighting web sites with this strategy for the straightforward purpose that it really works. Portfolios tailor-made to the shoppers simply work.

Platform: Static Website

  Anvar Shoe

Anvar Shoe’s portfolio eschews the aesthetic fusion we’ve been seeing these days for a website that appears positively post-minimalist. It’s artsy all the way in which with a mostly-one-column structure and results that, as soon as once more, type of rely on easy scrolling to look good.

Platform: Static Website

  YRS Really

YRS Really is an attention-grabbing case. I’ve beforehand featured portfolio websites that mimic an working system, however this one fuses the “home windows” gimmick with the overall construction and structure of a standard two-column web site. It’s odd, however it works, and it makes use of UI conventions that the majority of us are used to.

Platform: WordPress

  Cleverbirds

Cleverbirds’ artwork portfolio is very presentational and animated. No factors for accessibility right here, however if you would like some inventive and fairly concepts for monochromatic internet graphics, look no additional. It’s on the record as a result of it’s fairly, and that’s that.

Platform: Static Website

  João Pereira

João Pereira’s portfolio is simply plain fairly; I really like using coloration. Whereas the textual content might use slightly extra distinction in locations, it’s simply usually attractive. Plus you possibly can click on the triangles within the background to see an inventory of his expertise.

Positive, that’s not intuitive, however it’s higher than any “talent progress bars” I’ve ever seen.

Platform: Static Website

  Kristopher Bolleter

Kristopher Bolleter’s portfolio leads with textual content that claims, “No cliché slogans, simply work that speaks for itself.” Nicely, he may not know the way usually I exploit the phrase “speaks for itself”, proper?

All kidding apart, he lives by that motto, presenting all his featured work on one web page in old school iMac illustrations. Man it’s been some time since I’ve seen that as a substitute of the mockup cellular units. The entire thing isn’t very flashy, however it’s efficient and serviceable.

Platform: Hugo

  Adrien Laurent

Adrien Laurent brings us again to the flashy stuff with their portfolio. It’s post-modernist, presentational, pastel, and loaded with animation (I couldn’t consider an animation-related phrase that began with “p”).

Platform: Static Website

  Translation

Translation takes a usually daring strategy, beginning with their general aesthetic, and on to their assertion that “The world doesn’t want one other advert company.” With a monochromatic palette and actually large headings, the entire thought appears to be to blast your mind and hope it sticks. Nicely it’s working for me.

Platform: Static Website

  Anthony Florio

Anthony Florio’s portfolio is pretty commonplace modernist, with gentle artsy touches within the type of randomly positioned illustration. And it wouldn’t be a photographer’s portfolio with out some kind of collage.

Do you ever miss the traditional grid stuffed with thumbnails? Nah. Me neither.

Platform: Static Website

  Corn Studio

No portfolio record of mine is really full with out somebody utilizing yellow proper. On this case, it’s the ever-so-appropriately named Corn Studio gracing us with the traditional yellow and black, mixed with some extremely animated minimalism. It’s flat, it’s fairly, and it’s fairly good.

Platform: WordPress

Supply hyperlink

source https://webart-studio.com/20-finest-new-portfolios-january-2019/

[samanthasroberts]

None more paperback: the best sex, drugs and rock’n’roll memoirs

As Skid Rows Sebastian Bach publishes a tell-all autobiography, we survey some other notable efforts from the metal memoir genre

I was a total asshole, scrawls Sebastian Bach in his memoir 18 And Life On Skid Row. Thinking back on it now disgusts me. Quite, you mumble, as you survey a narrative wasteland strewn with bunched fists, cocaine, vodka, fellatio, singed pubic hair, denim shorts and exhaustive asininity. But suffer he, and we, must. Ever since the 2001 publication of The Dirt, Mtley Cres bogglingly squalid backstage confessional, the unvarnished tell-all has been a rite of passage for the reflective ageing metaller, with life lessons dispensed against a backdrop of, as Bach attests, near-total assholery. So many of these memoirs are out there now that its not easy to tell where one pounding anecdotal buttock ends and the next begins. Heres a guide to those that, inevitably, go up to 11…

I Am Ozzy Ozzy Osbourne with Chris Ayres (Sphere)

He is Ozzy. Photograph: Hachette

The gist… Stupefied pensioner galumphs through tempestuous life story in manner of concussed pantomime cow (back end).

Pages of… Drugged vicars. Machine-gunned chickens. The clap. Booze, bats, rehab, regrets and a bewildering preoccupation with fellow celebs toilets (If youre reading this, Roger Whittaker, sorry for wiping my arse on your shower curtain). Dignitaries wince and ex-wives lunge for rolling pins as trad metal memoir becomes something closer to metal sitcom, with hapless Ozzy as the accidental maverick (gurns) in a world of breadheads and squares (rollerskates into duck pond).

Typical quote… OZZY, ARE YOU PISSING IN MY FUCKING SINK?

Crazy From The Heat

David Lee Roth (Ebury)

David Lee Roth: Crazy From the Heat. Photograph: Penguin Random House

The gist Synapses melt and patience turns to fondue as Van Halens original frontman Diamond Dave rampages through his metal past like an air horn in tights.

Pages of… Gnashing bravado. Crashing similes. The words Im a multimillionaire repeated at intervals of 0.0003 paragraphs. Non-chronological score-settling, Partridgean proclamations of the Ive read Huckleberry Finn 200 times variety, and lovemaking (sic) so explosive its accompanied by car alarms and falling masonry, as well as some strange euphemisms (We commenced delivering the groceries at 138 beats per minute).

Typical quote… She turned my shorts into grilled cheese.

Mustaine: A Life In Metal Dave Mustaine (HarperCollins)

Dave Mustaine: A Life In Metal. Photograph: Harper Collins

The gist… Imperious Megadeth poobah fires succession of pontifical edicts from the flaming trebuchet of his own ego.

Pages of… Heroin. Exorcisms. Beer. Third-person passive-aggression wreathed in guffclouds of self-righteousness (When Dave Mustaine announces his conversion to Christianity, theres no shortage of people eager to find hypocrisy in his decision). Lemony musings re his early ejection from Metallica, brutal punch-ins with a conga-line of understandably miffed bandmates and, ultimately, Dave Mustaines Spiritual Awakening.

Typical quote… The first time I heard Lars Ulrich play drums, I was shocked at his mediocrity.

Alice Cooper, Golf Monster Alice Cooper with Keith and Kent Zimmerman (Aurum Press)

Alice Cooper, Golf Monster. Photograph: Penguin Random House

The gist… Shock rocks own Uncle Giggles plonks life story on a tiny wooden peg and fore! tees off for a memoir that whizzes effortlessly down the fairway (*removes sunglasses*) of common sense.

Pages of… Golf. Sobriety. Golf. Turtlenecks. Golf. Christ. 13.5-tog celebrity anecdotes: Lou Reed asked me for help with his swing. And ellipses so loaded with profundity that you could drop a five iron in the gap that follows (Im a golf addict. But it didnt used to be that way) and it would still take days to hit the bottom.

Typical quote… Once again, Alice Cooper was ahead of his time.

Slash Slash with Anthony Bozza (HarperCollins)

Slash: The Autobiography. Photograph: Harper Collins

The gist… Ambulant hard rock piata is recast by co-writer Bozza as deep-thinkin and surprisingly endearin chronicler of Guns N Roses pretty heavy scene.

Pages of… Steeple-fingered self-analysis. Genital warts. Cardiomyopathy, homelessness, McRibs, boggling pharmaceutical adventurism (I just ran fully naked and bleeding down the fairway) and sex so incessant its like being shot in the face by a pump-action bum gun.

Typical quote… I had no remorse whatsoever about my overdose, but I was pissed off at myself for having died.

18 And Life On Skid Row by Sebastian Bach (Dey Street Books) is published on Thursday 15 December

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/12/12/none-more-paperback-the-best-sex-drugs-and-rocknroll-memoirs/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/12/12/none-more-paperback-the-best-sex-drugs-and-rocknroll-memoirs/