#for context he did not know we were both trans. he just did that for no reason

[bowenoke]

pov you are my brother and i's youth pastor circa 2014 when he called us The Sisters and then unprompted corrected himself to The Brothers and then said "i don't know. you could be anything!" in a room full of baptist teenagers

shout out to justin. what the fuck, man

[sophie-frm-mars]

I'm not sure how much people are talking about Aaron Bushnell having engaged with online leftist media, but the records show that they were a viewer of a bunch of different twitch streams, including mine, and subscribed to a bunch of patreons, including mine. I'm not going to inflate my importance here, the livestream link was sent directly to Talia Jane and Anark, so those are probably the voices Bushnell felt the most connected to and followed the most directly, like idk if they also subscribed to someone's patreon after watching a video abt Cars 2 or whatever, I'm not trying to examine whether social media drove the self immolation because I think that's disrespectful to the memory of someone who literally died screaming Free Palestine. I don't personally know of any leftist creators who directly advocate political suicide, and I know that we all share in the political understanding that underscored Bushnell's decision.

I've already made a point of telling my patreon server that my politics are about growing into each other and supporting one another and that if anyone asked me if I thought they should do what Bushnell did I would say no absolutely not.

I'm ruminating a bit on the nature and meaning of the protest, because a lot of people are engaging with the image of a man in fatigues on fire, standing proud and declaring "FREE PALESTINE", while I've seen others talking about the fact Bushnell's username on several platforms was LillyAnarKitty, mourning the loss of a potential trans sister, talking in depressive terms about the act of suicide, to which I think the people who are engaging in the more macho interpretation of the protest are saying "no it was cool and masculine, it wasn't suicide in the conventional sense it was about principle!" I think there's room for plenty of both. For the record LillyAnarKitty used he and she pronouns in discord servers.

Andreas Malm's approach to self-sacrifice and self-endangerment is that we as subjects of the imperial core are in a sense, precious. Valuable. We are supposedly what it is all for. The imperialist project must be doing it for the citizens of the imperialist nations because if it isn't, then it has to nakedly admit that it is doing it all for the intense power and wealth consolidation of a tiny tiny number of soulless ghouls. Therefore when we put ourselves in harm's way in a way that says you would have to destroy me to get to the thing I care about, we leverage the implicit value of ourselves for our principles. A planned protest by Palestine Action against the London Stock Exchange was allegedly going to involve locking the actionists' necks onto the mechanism of the door into the LSE making it impossible to enter or leave without probably killing them, for example. I think that Bushnell's self immolation sits on a sort of dissonance, my life is precious and my life is worthless. My life is precious and so you should care about the obvious tragedy that I am enacting and my life is worthless if thousands upon thousands of Palestinians are killed as part of the project that enables the life that I lead.

There is also the way that people have debated the meaning of "complicit in genocide" - Bushnell worked in USAF Intelligence and the US has active troops in Palestine, it's possible that they were already culpable in an unknowable number of deaths without having set foot there.

In one sense it's a little pointless to debate the fine details of the meaning of Bushnell's protest in the same way that it's pointless to pick over any feelings of responsibility that I and I know other people that we know they watched are feeling. When I first saw the video I was struck by the language, by their concise and astute analysis and I knew, without knowing just how closely that they were plugged into the same intellectual and political milieu as us. In that same sense I think that they already described what they did the best that any of us are going to be able to:

“My name is Aaron Bushnell. I am an active-duty member of the United States Air Force, and I will no longer be complicit in genocide.”

“I’m about to engage in an extreme act of protest. But compared to what people have been experiencing in Palestine at the hands of their colonizers, it’s not extreme at all. This is what our ruling class has decided will be normal.”

"Free Palestine."

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Aita for making my friends drop another friend completely?

Warning: There is mention of suicidal thoughts. Also I swear a lot, I apologize.

This is some dumb discord drama but I feel like an utter asshole for this despite multiple people say I wasn't in the wrong and others saying that the friend group shouldn't had known about the situation and I shouldn't had forced this onto them.

And I been around here a lot, please don't excuse any behavior taken here as "You guys are young" or "You guys are kids." You will understand later as why but a lot of things that happened shouldn't be excused and that involves some of my behavior. And no, I am not doing a TL;DR.

There is a lot of pre-context so I will bold where the situation I'm talking about starts.

So me (17, he/they) and a few friends had created a server to get away from people in another server. We had really 1 rule which was "what happens in the server, stays in the server". This hangout server became a vent server very soon as a lot of us have issues that we just can't see a therapist for and use each other.

We had an issue with this one friend, let's name him Owl (14, M). Owl had been way to relaxed and some of the stuff he had said began to lead to fights within the friend group. He and another Jojo (15, M) were making jokes about each other, which were taken too far. Owl could had stopped it way before by stating that the jokes were too far but despite he had started it. He texted Jojo about their biggest insecurity in the form of "imagine having [insecurity]" and then hell broke lose. Owl knew Jojo was insecure about this because they talked and vented to each other privately, so for Owl to do that was shitty and a red flag that we didn't catch at the time, mainly because Jojo didn't tell any of us what was said till after the dropping. This was only one out of seven conflicts we would have with him before we got fed up. I will not go through all 7 but I will go through the ones that led to us removing him from the group.

I, Owl and a few others of us were playing a game on. I was very stressed and stated that beforehand and wanted to game to cool off. This was around the time that the Supreme Court made their decisions which added to my stress. I cannot remember what comment he made but my stress hit a peak and I blew up at him, possibly a joke about rights (trans rights) which is a touchy subject for me (it isn't out of his character). At this point I was having a breakdown on call and he didn't realize despite the fact it was clear through abnormal behaviors. Owl had also been around be in a breakdown beforehand, so I don't know how he didn't know. During breakdowns my voice becomes shaky and cracks, I speak very fast and make irrational decisions. Our other friends picked up on that and tried to deescalate the situations but Owl kept going and adding conflict until I removed him from the call (because both of us had admin powers). After a while I had gotten Jojo involved out of sheer panic and trying to get out of a conflict while not thinking rationally. After a while I rejoined call, Owl was gaming like nothing happened and I cried on mute due to the breakdown. Why I rejoined call? I don't know. Jojo pulled us to the side and talked about how he didn't want any more conflicts and that we would have our perms removed, Owl was informed that the breakdown happened and what he did made it worse, he didn't apologize for it at all.

The final situation we had with him before we dropped him was between Me, Owl, Jojo and Ark (Doesn't want age to be stated, M). Owl had lost all ways to communicate on call because of a dumb action he did that caused panic to another member (reading a classified document that another person found on Bing after being told to stop). He was clearly upset and during the mix Jojo had gotten a suicidal thought but Owl had encouraged his thoughts saying shit like "Why wait? Your life of pointless". Ark stepped in and bashed Owl for this behavior and the two got into a fight before we banned Owl.

Owl let the situation drag for 5 days as he didn't try to fix what had happened or apologized for any action he done up to that point unless the entire group was against him. The some of us got together and decided a last resort plan, we would stage an intervention and give him 3-5 days (which is being nice) to fix his shit or he would be dropped. We invited him to another server and we have the intervention there. He took a while to join, nearly 40 minutes. He was informed how important it was 20 minutes in and took another 20 to join. After that he refused to join call, which I understand but it was more so, he didn't want to because he saw no reason. I told him why, he got upset at the fact we were timing him. We had the mentality that he was on our time as he did waste 5 days not doing anything but letting the situation just hang. Me and him got into it and he said he didn't care about any of our friendships (even those not there) and he wouldn't mind being dropped if we were going to pressure him to apologize for things that here his faults and try to make amends.

We dropped him however I made the choice of informing others who weren't in on the plan and told them to drop Owl. This also meant Owl could not come to America to get his dream job which requires 11 years of training because he was dropped but not only Me, who would bring him to the states and house him, but also the person who was help pitch in for his college payments and student debt. I feel bad about informing everyone about what he had said and how he acted, which included people who had no idea what was going in the background. There were people coming back who hadn't been online this entire time and being told to get rid of him. I just feel like I shouldn't had forced that decision on them, especially as a person who had been dropped by an entire friend group like that. But we been doing a lot better without him and we try not mention the situation but as time has gone on, I feel more and more terrible at the fact I put other people involved and had them remove all contact to him instead of letting them decide.

Am I the asshole?

What are these acronyms?

[watchingyoufromthestars]

Finally cleaned this up so here’s my DnDads ultimate ship opinions list. I was waiting until after s2 ended to clean this up in case I had any final opinion changes with the last few episodes. Please don’t bash me for any of these. The DnDads fandom is generally very nice but shipping discourse is something that can get heated no matter the fandom.

Dads

Henry Darryl: very neutral. I understand the ship I just never fully got on the boat

Henry Glenn: absolutely fucking feral about them do not get me started on Glennry

Darryl Glenn: feral in a different way that I don’t know how to describe other than toxic yaoi in the way that they’re damaged but refuse to talk about it so they kiss about it instead

Loveeeeeeee polydads but only as Henry/Glenn/Darryl. Not really a Ron shipper I love him and Samantha too much. Ron and Glenn’s friendship is very important to me though

In terms of Jodie, I don’t really ship him with any of the main dads, ESPECIALLY not Glenn. Even if Jimmy didn’t play Jodie I’d still never ship them. Wish Scamster was real and not completely a scam because they’re literally a crackship become real except it was never a crackship before canon. It’s surprising to me that they weren’t really shipped beforehand

Henry Mercedes: THE T4T OF ALL TIME BABEYYYYY. Absolutely iconic couple, fate was in their favor with how they met they were destined for each other

Darryl Carol: After hearing how Darryl talked about his family in Heaven, I was actually really happy they ended up not getting divorced. They clearly had a rough patch as seen in s1, but they genuinely love each other and I love how devoted to her Darryl is. The little finger puppet he made of her in the time out zone… :,)

Glenn Morgan: GLORGAN!!!!!!!!! Oh my god these two tear me apart. I am feral for Glorgan angst there’s too much to work with. More people need to start calling them Glorgan instead of Morglenn please please please please pretty please indulge me in my silly ship name

Ron Samantha: sobbing. They’re so sweet. The distinction that Samantha is also a little silly is very important to me. They love each other so fucking much

Kiddads

Nicky Sparrow: didn’t realize how much I love them for a good while but when I did oh god I love them so so much. T4T it’s so real to me that they’re both trans

Nicky Lark: used to like it but yall mischaracterize Nicky so much in fics. If yall want toxic yaoi just ship Grant and Lark I’m so serious

Nicky Terry: sobs. They were best friends. I don’t personally ship them but the fact that Terry said he was his best friend… that line rattles around in my brain so often

Nicky Grant: recently learned this might get shipped and has THE coolest ship name. Crossfire I love you but for the ship name alone

Sparrow Terry: I think I’ve seen this shipped a few times but only in the context of Terry/Nicky/Sparrow. Not my personal cup of tea though

Sparrow Grant: I don’t see this shipped too often but they have the worst ship name ever /aff. Wtf is a spant lol. Also I’m too much team transfem Sparrow to feel comfortable shipping this

Lark Terry: do not know the appeal of Gun Control but their ship name is fun

Lark Grant: toxic yaoi central. They both need intense therapy but them both being so fucked up is what makes them interesting not that that’s healthy though

Terry Grant: I see them more in a qpr place than anything romantic. I have one fic of them that’s bookmarked on Safari because I think about a part from it from time to time

Don’t have any poly ships for them

In terms of s2 spouses I so desperately wished we could’ve seen more of them. We barely get to see them

Nicky Cassandra: Telling Taylor his dad was a good man and that she misses him every day makes me think they parted on good terms. But then Nicky disappeared because of FBI shit. In another life maybe they could’ve worked.

Sparrow Rebecca: more ugly sobbing. I’m unsure on my sparroace thoughts if they’d end up getting divorced post-finale but I know they’re not fully separating or breaking up. They really are in love but it’s unconventional and messy.

Terry Veronica: I think the reveal that Terry is infertile is a nice touch to their relationship. It sounds weird to say and I feel like I might word this all weirdly. Him being unable to have bio kids but finding love in someone who wants to raise a kid with him anyways. Veronica finding new love again after a supposedly abusive relationship. Both of those combined is something I really love.

Grant Marco: Canon gays ftw. The Titanic episode was so generous in letting us get to see their dynamic. Obviously Grant still has a long way to go in finding self love but I’m so happy he found someone who can support him and loves him back like this.

Teens

Normal Scary: ugly sobbing over them I love them so much. Cradling my madomagi and tma aus with them as madohomu and jmart

Normal Taylor: yearning for the early s2 days like when they went to Sonic and made some devious plan off screen I wish they had more silly interactions together. Was truly fed with the kareoke intro and them bonding over costume making for a minute. Tayloak could be so interesting if there was more material to work with

Normal Link: Childhood BFFs to Lovers; I wish they could’ve hung out more as kids but all that happened

Normal Hermie: I get the hype but I have personal reasons for feeling neutral on them that I wish I could get over. Good soup though /ref

Scary Taylor: see them too much as a sibling dynamic to ever ship them

Scary Link: respect to all y’all shippers but I do not gothcleats and will leave it at that forever. I can only accept the finale with my transfem Link hc

Scary Hermie: I love Scene Partners. These stupid kids and reflecting each other /aff

Taylor Link: one that I can’t believe I didn’t ship sooner they’re so silly

Link Hermie: I think this one is very funny (/pos) but not my personal vibe

Love love LOVEEEEEEEE Marloakworthy AUGH. A giant triangle of everyone paralleling each other

Polywagon I love you; cannot believe you’re real and genuinely canon. This is just Homestuck again when Hussie said all ships are canon (DnDads never beating the Homestuck allegations from me)

Scary Erica: wish there were more interactions I love Erica so much but alas she’s a guest NPC. “You awaken a lightness in me” sapphic ass Scary I know what you are

[copperbadge]

Mr. Badge! Mr. Badge! Life hard, but Caleb and Buck are cute, can I ask for maybe a small snippet (if you have one easily avaliable, if not no worries) of fic for that good positive brain chemistry?

Yours sincerely, lostchips

Well, I don't have anything from Royals/Ramblers that's easily shareable, but Buck and Caleb do pop up in the football novel (I'm thinking of calling it Paolo's First Eleven but I already did one novel with a number in the title....)

Context: Paolo, the POV character, is a former top footballer turned youth coach, who happens to have befriended Buck and through Buck, Caleb. One of his young players, Vev, is in his early teens, so gifted that it's extremely obvious he'll be an elite player someday, and also trans, which Paolo knows is going to be an issue for his career sooner or later. Our scene is set just before morning practice begins...

To his surprise, the pair of men in the stands turned out to be Buck and Caleb -- Buck in a pair of ripped jeans and a leather jacket over a worn band t-shirt, Caleb swaddled in a hoodie with an instrument case on his back. When he came out of the tunnel, Buck waved and both of them got up to come down to the pitch. 

"Morning," Paolo said, offering them the bag of protein bars he was carrying to hand out to any hungry-looking kids. Buck waved it off, but Caleb peered into it and then took one. "Here to write me a fight song?"

Buck grinned. "Working on it. No, I'm just chaperone really, this is Caleb's joint."

Paolo looked at Caleb, curious. The younger man smiled. 

"I heard about Vev," he said. "Came to see him, see how he was getting on." 

"Oh! That's -- very thoughtful," Paolo said, as the kids on the pitch began to slowly drift towards the adults. A few stayed out; Vev, bouncing a ball from foot to foot, was one of them. "VEV, YOU TOO!" Paolo yelled. Vev looked up, caught the ball off a knee, and came running over. When he saw the pair of men with Paolo, he stopped, eyes huge, then sidled forward shyly, half-hiding behind Paolo. 

"Eat," Paolo told him, pressing a protein bar into his hand. Vev held it loosely, still watching the other two. "Vev, this is Buck Haverd and Caleb Canto, they're mates of mine."

Vev nodded. "You won Eurovision," he blurted. 

"Well, he did," Caleb said, jerking a thumb at Buck. The other children were crowding in, equally awed and impressed. 

"But you should have," Vev said, apparently forgetting to be shy as he crept out from behind Paolo. Buck began to laugh, loud and enthusiastic; he shook a finger at Caleb.

"Every time," he said, through chuckles. "Every time, someone in this damn country tells us both you should have won. Come on, you lot, let's have a kick-around," he added to the other kids, shedding his leather jacket and walking onto the pitch, most of the students following like ducklings. Paolo lingered, just in case Vev took shy again. 

"Well, whether I should have or not, Buck did," Caleb said gently. "But I'll gladly brag about being second-place." 

"I liked your song," Vev said. 

"Thank you. I wrote it about children like you," Caleb said. Vev blinked at him. "Daring princelings. I heard from Paolo that you're a star player."

"Don't let it go to your head," Paolo said, ruffling Vev's short hair. 

"So I thought I'd come along and meet the newest tavat," Caleb said, using the Shivadh word for prince that his song had popularized. "You know I'm trans like you are."

Vev nodded, digesting this.

"Well, we have to stick together, don't we? Look out for each other," Caleb said. "So I thought I'd introduce myself. That way you have a grownup who's like you, if you need one." 

Paolo swallowed, watching Vev's face go from thoughtful to pleased. 

"So if you have questions, or some kind of problem you need help with, you know you can always talk to Coach Paolo," Caleb said. "But maybe you could talk to me too, if you want." 

He offered Vev a little slip of card-paper; business cards, real paper ones, were in vogue in Fons-Askaz at the moment, and Vev took it like a treasure. Peering over his shoulder, Paolo could see it read 

CALEB CANTO  MUSIC AND VOICE INSTRUCTOR PRODUCER - REVERB STUDIOS HE / HIM 

An email address and a phone number were printed in one corner; the address of the Maritime Academy was printed in the other.

"Come by the school any time, or text me and I'll come visit you here," Caleb said. "Give it to your parents if you want so they can get in touch, too." 

Vev nodded. Paolo elbowed him and he looked up. 

"Say thanks," Paolo whispered. 

"Thank you, Mr. Canto," Vev said. 

"Caleb is fine." Caleb gave him a smile. "Now, you'd better go show Buck your best moves." 

Vev looked down at the prized business card. "Can you keep it for me?" he asked Paolo, who nodded and took the card, tucking it carefully in the little plastic pocket that held his ID. Vev turned back to Caleb and visibly squared his shoulders. "Nice to meet you."

"You too," Caleb said, and Vev fled back to the field, where he almost immediately stole the ball from Buck and outran him despite being about a third of his size. 

[lucky-clover-gazette]

thinking about how bodily autonomy is a really consistent motif in the zelda games... the amount of times link is forced into alternate forms or zelda is possessed/transformed/literally removed from her body is really interesting. off the top of my head we have wolf link, link's forms in majora's mask, link's forced aging in oot and revelation that he isn't kokiri, link doing a sort of tactical drag in botw, zelda being sheik, zelda being possessed in twilight princess, zelda preserving herself in time as the goddess in skyward sword, midna being cursed as an imp, batreaux, and the skulltula people in oot. there's also so much cross-dressing (i know that term might have a negative connotation but i don't think it should in this context) and gender nonconformity. bodies are constantly changed as a reflection of a character's arc and actions, and often a character regaining control of their own body is a resolution to their arc.

but i feel like the more you think about it, the messier it gets, both in good and bad ways. for example, i think there's a reason lots of trans, gnc, and queer people connect to zelda games because of the many ways gender and transformation are weaved into the stories. that's great. but i also think there are some huge failings on nintendo's part in terms of representation and transformation of bodies, mostly in their characters of color and lack thereof. like, tetra. just tetra. and that's not even mentioning the way they gave me the ick re: her forced gender presentation as zelda. also some designs like the gerudo esp in the earlier 3d games and holy shit the bokoblins and gorons in twilight princess (seriously they're bad) are obviously informed by racial stereotypes. and it's extra super not great bc there are not many hylian/human characters who have dark skin, or even tan skin. it sucks. it's just a shame that these fantastic games, some of which are 20+ years old, experiment with gender presentation in such a fascinating way (hell, even link was designed so that everyone could see a bit of their gender in him) but very little attention was placed on representing non-white players. in fact, some of the use of racial stereotypes and exaggerated features is just more alienating and dehumanizing, hence the not-good side of zelda's focus on bodies. holy shit, i say again, why did they do that with tetra! i mean i know why they made her white as zelda (racism) but they sidelined her in a way that seems uncharacteristic compared to sheik in oot!

just, so many choices were made in the zelda games re: bodies and some are fantastic and inspiring and some are huge disappointments. not to be blunt, but nintendo should absolutely be putting dark-skinned Black characters into their games. tetra and the gerudo are fairly light-skinned and lack many features (hair textures for example) that a large amount of poc have. it would just be nice if in future games the scale tipped from some great stuff and some bad stuff to mostly great stuff, bc the series has so much potential for future stories about bodily autonomy and the world(s) are not bound to any real-world or historical structures. they could do whatever they want and make it work, and should seek to improve! it would only contribute to the already sophisticated and nuanced themes consistent in the series.

[secretgamergirl]

When Complete BS Becomes "Common Knowledge."

Someone told me they stopped paying attention to someone who reviews movies after one too many mean-spirited jokes about trans people, and it was one of those cases where the reviewer in question definitely had the vibe of someone who'd go around doing that, but I couldn't think of any real flagrant examples. Cut to me watching a movie the other day, remembering that oh yeah, I skipped that one guy's review of it because I wanted to go in blind, and sure enough, that review has this big long crappy 5 minute aside of an out of left field "DID YOU JUST ASSUME MY GENDER!?" routine. So that's a shame.

Now this particular guy rather famously Does Not Get Out Much. Pretty sure he hasn't really have any exposure to a single trans person, or to any real die hard transphobes, and most likely what happened here is he saw I dunno, an episode of South Park or a facebook post from some bigoted aunt, or some Tiktok video, something like that, and just blithely assimilated it into his world view.

But you know, the reality is... to the best of my knowledge no trans person has ever actually said this, or anything similar to this, and we sure as hell don't live in a world where anyone would have the back of someone who did? But you know, here we are.

Now I want to be clear, this isn't some kinda thing where trans people can't take a joke or anything. Literally while I was typing this, some cis guy just tossed this out, and this is a real tired old hokey one, but I cracked a smile, because oh yeah, the whole "programmer socks" bit really is a weirdly accurate stereotype.

And there's plenty of other trans jokes I'll laugh at. Ones directly at my expense. Some real dark ones even. You wanna go off on trans women all having the same like 10 names and them all sounding like we were born in the 1800s, go for it. Other stuff about how we all dress? Coping mechanisms? Low standards? Being too into pickles and sriracha? There's plenty.

But "DID YOU JUST ASSUME MY GENDER!?" and while we're at it, "I identify as..." don't even have the vague shape of something you're ever going to encounter in reality. Like if I didn't know the context of where these came from and hadn't had them posted a thousand times or so by people with swastikas for avatars and such, these probably would get a laugh from me the first time I heard them, because they sound like weird surrealist humor. Like, "don't you hate how every time you go to the laundromat, you have to play chess with the dragon before they let you in?"

But, again, I know the context. And the context is a bunch of fascists want people like me dead, and they're both too scared to pick up a gun to do it themselves and too incompetent to know who to point it at or where to find them. So they sit around with each other and go "hey, what sort of person does everyone hate? Let's all say trans people talk like them!" And because they haven't spoken to a single human being besides each other and the rich parents they're sponging off since getting banned from the Something Awful forums in the 90s/punk bar in the 80s/whatever, they settled on "rich white person calling the cops on somebody for walking down the street" and "didn't I first get into being a hatemonger because I was stupid enough to think that time I saw someone roleplaying he really thought he was a big scary dragon?" Which has honestly worked out weirdly well for them when you stop for half a second to appreciate just how absolutely ridiculous it is to ever imagine cops coming to the aid of trans people.

Like... here's a situation that actually plays out in reality. I have a bad tooth. Dentist says I need a root canal, and she doesn't do them. Refers me to another dentist like an hour and a half away. I walk in, write my Victorian sounding name on some paperwork, fill in all my various medications, wait a bit, hop into the big dentist's chair, so far so good. This dentist busts out the pick and the mirror about to have a look, and goes "hey, so I noticed on your medications you're taking a ton of something called divigel? What is that?" I say "oh, yeah, I'm trans, so I'm on supplemental estradiol." She almost drops the mirror, stares at me like she just realized I'm Venom and if she bent down to look at my teeth I was about to swallow her whole head. She stands bolt upright, says, "your teeth are fine, get out." I'm a bit confused, but I can read a room, so I say "well that's weird, but OK..." and start to leave. I get a "have a nice day SIR!" shouted at me. And then I go out, call the cab company to say my appointment ended early, and get told too bad, it's coming when it's scheduled, and someone snickers. See, at some point in having to take cabs to all my appointments, a driver worked out that this woman he'd been picking up from this address for the past year has a similar voice to and maybe vague family resemblance to who he'd been picking up from that same address the year prior, and after getting the courage to ask me, guess who's constantly having cabs show up late, or not at all, or on time with a driver staring angrily into the rear view mirror while blaring AM radio with someone shouting about all "the gays" needing to be rounded up so they can burn in hell. And I just need to suck it up and live with it. I'm sure as hell not going to pick a fight over it. I'm just gonna stand out in the cold (fortunately with nice warm knee-high socks) waiting for this cab for an hour because I sure as hell can't stay in this lobby.

But again, the whole weird myth here posits a world where trans people are all-powerful and control the government and stuff. And the basis for that is like... sometimes people refuse to pass ridiculous laws to stop trans people from doing things we only do in bigots' imaginations at great taxpayer expense, and SOMETIMES someone is responsible enough to double check what's up before they allocate the funds. Like... hell, you know what's exactly as completely divorced from reality and honestly the same people doing to same crap? That wild BS about "schools keeping litter boxes in classrooms because all this acceptance of trans people means we also have to accept kids who think they're cats!" Like... how the hell can anyone actually be stupid enough to believe that anyone else could be stupid enough to believe that they're actually stupid enough to believe such an OBVIOUSLY made-up narrative? Like... lawmakers bring that one up and try to get bills passed on it. Everyone else in the room is socially obligated not to laugh and ask whether they also want to pass legislation against Bat Boy and UFO abductions. This is Ralph Wiggum tier absurdity.

But like... what do you do about this sort of thing, really? As the person ultimately has to deal with the dentists who think I'll bite their heads off, ask to speak to their manager, and drop trou over a sandbox the state mandates they keep in the middle of the room, I'm... not in the room when this BS gets concocted, or discussed, or shared in Minions meme some film critic sees and imitates to try and be relatable and relevant. Can someone else start grabbing all these people by the lapels and shake them and shout questions about how they can be this stupid, maybe invite them back to reality for me?

[mcbitchtits]

Since tumblr is very atomized both in the sense of reblogging as well as people not linking back to things, and given the chaotic events the last few days that bring up some serious questions about the state of the site, I am attempting to put together all of the context in one place. I've also attempted to Wayback/ArchiveToday every link and image as much as possible, so hopefully I've covered everything in case these blogs delete or get deleted. (And hopefully with equal seriousness and humor of the situation, as befits tumblr?) If I'm missing anything, please feel free to let me know. I'm hoping I've also missed larger discussions happening elsewhere, but, again, tumblr's sharing structure makes it difficult to bring it all together coherently and cohesively. So:

@predstrogen/@avewy/@predsterone gets serially harrassed and no support from tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/radiohead2/742831140329635840 Tumblr then bans her blog (@predstrogen) for "sexually explicit materials" despite previously acknowledging that she was not breaking the Community Guidelines. https://www.tumblr.com/alwek/742818852958765056/oh-and-this-should-be-saved-too

The post in question was a post of her transition photos, which were both safe for work: https://www.tumblr.com/mcbitchtits/742557931490476032

A tumblr user sends @/photomatt, aka the Tumblr/Automattic CEO, an ask about the situation: https://www.tumblr.com/photomatt/742806189400866816/you-gonna-do-anything-or-make-any-statement-about Wherein he says their policy is generally to not comment on individual cases, but "[i]n predstrogen's case in addition to some mistagged sexually explicit posts, which on its own wouldn't be that bad, we have documented cases of harassment against other users". He then continues, "she made threats of violence against Tumblr staff", with this included screenshot:

He continues that death threats are never okay, they have terminated a different user over this situation and threats already, and that they take threats seriously and involve "police and FBI where appropriate".

He also comments that the staff is not transphobic, he doesn't think they/he/the site deserves that reputation, and casually includes that tumblr apparently had a transphobic moderator abusing their duties both in action and through bribes: "Why do we wrongly have a transphobe reputation? We did have an external contract moderator last year that was making transphobic moderation (and also selling moderation, criminally). As soon as we were aware that person was fired, and we later terminated the entire relationship with that contracting firm and have brought almost everything in-house (at great cost). I have previously commented on this publicly, several times."

Later on he comes back to edit pronouns in the post in regards to accusations of misgendering @predstrogen.

He continues to reply to some asks, including one about tumblr's banning trans women through moderation: https://www.tumblr.com/photomatt/742822115555868672/all-you-ever-do-is-drop-the-ban-hammer-on-trans To which he replies: "Community guideline violations, including mistagging, harassment of other users, and threats of violence, all three of which were repeated in predstrogen's case, were the reasons for the suspension, not her identity. There are obviously tens of thousands (hundreds of thousands?) of trans men and women on this site—why would our accused transphobia be applied to just this one user? The most parsimonious explanation is that it was because of the stated community guideline violations, not her identity as a trans woman." This is seemingly in conflict with Tumblr's own notification to @predstrogen, which was for "sexually explicit materials".

In addition to answering some asks about the situation on his blog, @/photomatt apparently also messaged several users directly about various points: https://www.tumblr.com/skyefawna/742817887621988352/who-wants-to-take-bets-on-whether-i-get-banned-for

https://www.tumblr.com/allegoriestcicada/742816156202795008/oh-hey-fun-now-im-getting-dms-time-to-see-if-my

https://www.tumblr.com/dragongirlsnout/742816811736760320/speechless

https://www.tumblr.com/elerium/742868288383614976/it-almost-goes-without-saying-but-for-posteritys

Several users discuss their time as employees of Tumblr and some of the situations that abounded. https://www.tumblr.com/tinystepsforward/742827256509038592 Some users claim that Tumblr and Wordpress are planning to sell user data to Midjourney AI: https://www.tumblr.com/tinystepsforward/742889449866887168/could-you-elaborate-on-the-midjourney-thing | https://www.tumblr.com/jv/742961132362514432/what-is-this-about-the-tumblr-staff-wanting-to

@predstrogen posts a goodbye from a new blog: https://www.tumblr.com/cyprederone/742904943801958400/its-rita-were-done-here-for-now [Archived link] which is also nuked.

tumblr, as is wont, KUNGPOWPENIS'es @/photomatt's post. (I think one of the official accounts TOS'd or threatened to TOS someone for this within the past few months, but now I can't find that post.) https://www.tumblr.com/raytoroboros/742894961642586112/you-gonna-do-anything-or-make-any-statement-about Tragically I did not archive this one, and it now appears that all of those reblog chains doing do on the original post have been deleted: https://www.tumblr.com/photomatt/742806189400866816/you-gonna-do-anything-or-make-any-statement-about

I would have liked to end on a funnier note that someone replied with a "this content has been removed [etc]" image in place of the explosion gif, or they did in fact post the explosion gif and it got officially removed by tumblr, but it appears tumblr removed or blocked all those reblogs so I don't know if they exist anymore.

@/photomatt then came back again today to post further comments, including "...if nothing else this has given me a lot of empathy for how pile-ons must be totally unmanageable for users with the interface of Tumblr, especially the lack of basic things like bulk actions that have been in WordPress for a decade-plus. [...] As far as I'm aware improving moderation tools both for staff and regular users wasn't on Tumblr's roadmap when I left, but I hope this raises awareness within the team." https://www.tumblr.com/photomatt/742963003613446144/im-continuing-to-get-harassment-and-death-threats

I think that's where we're at currently?

[writing-for-life]

So, you mentioned something about Thessaly in a 90s context in one of your responses to another post, and I was wondering if you could expand on that. Because yeah, I have no problem with her *existing* as a character, because obviously she has a role in the narrative, but I highly suspect that her perceived role has changed a LOT in the intervening years since the initial writing.

As someone who first read Sandman in 2022, I figured that her character role was to get us to question what we think we know about Morpheus. Can we really trust that he's changed or improved, or that he's even all that likeable, if he's literally jumping into bed with this thoroughly unpleasant woman who likes violent murder *way* too much and also seems to be transphobic to boot?

At the same time, though, I got the uncomfortable sense that we were supposed to *like* Thessaly. In a sort of, "You go girl, be a #girlboss, let's show these boys we can be JUST as good at killing as them!" sort of way. Which I rationalized as "well, that probably was progressive in the 90s, but the idea of cold blooded violence and emphasis on the possession of a womb being feminist ideals has aged poorly."

So, yeah, I'm wondering if that is anywhere close to how she seemed in the "intended" context.

[As always: Send me asks about everything Sandman-related!]

This is such a good ask, and I feel there are a lot of bases to cover here. Not sure if I’ll do it justice, but here goes…

Disclaimer straightaway: I absolutely detest Thessaly and everything she’s done narratively, and I’m neither a Thessaly-apologist, nor someone who loves her as a character. But I think we need to discuss her with a bit more nuance than I see in lot of fandom spaces.

I think first of all, we need to look at:

Thessaly as a fictional character

As you already pointed out, she naturally has a role in the narrative. I also think parts of her role in said narrative are sometimes a bit misunderstood. One prime example would be the idea she never loved Morpheus. And yes, she absolutely always put herself and her own interests first, so from that angle, she loved herself more than she loved him. That doesn’t mean she never loved him at any point though. Many people quote her saying that she never did as proof that she didn’t. But what people say doesn’t always align with what they feel or do: She says at his wake she swore she’ll never cry over him again—and cries while she’s saying it. That tells us two things: She *did* cry because of him before. And she *does* cry now.

Again, she is a selfish, utterly horrid bitch, but she loved him at some point, and she was mad at him for neglecting her and not paying her enough attention. That’s when it turned sour (and we know how absolutely shit at communicating with women Morpheus is, so they’re both as bad as each other in that regard).

I see her as someone who is totally disconnected/dissociated from her emotions, to the extent that she probably really believes what she says, out of some deep-rooted fear of any kind of vulnerability. Why that is—we can only speculate, because Neil never went into it, hence nothing we assume will ever be canon.

What can be considered canon, however, is that Neil has confirmed the fact that she *did* love him at some point—most notably in the Sandman Companion:

Hy Bender: […] Of course, she’s lying when she says she never loved the Sandman.

Neil Gaiman: Of course; I think that’s made explicit by the final panel, where she says, `I swore I would never shed another tear for him’ while crying. But after he’s won her and then returned to his duties, he wasn’t enough for her anymore. She wanted attention; and when she wasn’t getting it, she said, “Right. We’re done,” and walked out on him.”

I’d also like to point out that the most trans-exclusionary prick in the whole of AGoY is actually George, just that he’s not a woman, and hence, no one ever seems to mention it (he’s actually the one egging Wanda on, not Thessaly). Plus, walking the moon road is maiden, mother and crone to a T, and consciously so. Foxglove is the maiden, Hazel is pregnant, and Thessaly is ancient. So Thessaly’s choice was also based on that, and the only one who Wanda really could have *potentially* replaced would have been Foxglove; she presumably never had penetrative sex, unlike Hazel (in the archaic definition of what penetration means, so we don’t need to argue about lesbian sex practices now). We don’t know that about Wanda, no matter if someone sees her as a man or a woman. I didn’t mean to get that explicit about maiden status, but I guess it *is* important in this context (although yes, of course Thessaly said Wanda is a man, and I’m not arguing that either, but I still think it was grounded in her belief how moon magic works).

Which brings me to a very important point: Thessaly is ancient. Culturally, we can’t compare her to someone who grew up in the 20th century, also with regard to her violent inclinations. She is thousands of years old. She’s seen it all. She has a fierce sense of self-preservation, maybe even rooted in some fears or trauma of her own. All not very nice character traits, no, but that’s not the yardstick, and probably was never supposed to be. I also remember Neil saying he consciously wanted to oppose neopaganism and the watered down, new wave witchcraft of the time (late 1980s/early 1990s, and that, I really remember), which was all about the “divine feminine”, female empowerment, tarot cards and incense sticks. I’m being a bit flippant now, but it isn’t far off. It was more of a trend than anything. He wanted to consciously oppose it with someone who would still act according to ancient, rather violent codes and rules. And Morpheus will have known those, and probably found them less surprising than we do (doesn’t necessarily mean he’d condone them either).

The fact whether Thessaly should make us question Morpheus in the comics is a tricky one. What she definitely *should* make us question is: Morpheus could have quite easily broken some rules in the Kindly Ones when Thessaly had set up the protection circle for Lyta, and the consequences probably would have been less disastrous than playing by said rules. And we can safely presume he knew. We are also supposed to question the same when he lets Nuala call in her boon and doesn’t just say: “This isn’t really a good time, can we do this later?” (and he absolutely COULD have done that), but actually follows through with going ,“Well, what gives, I basically grant you your boon now and leave the Dreaming, even though I know the potential consequences.” So yes, Thessaly is supposed to make us question Dream’s choices, but probably not the way we think. And for that, we perhaps should look deeper into…

Thessaly the TERF and Feminism in the late 1980s/early 1990s

This might get a bit longwinded, and I am showing my age here. I grew up at the intersection of second wave and third wave feminism, and as a bisexual woman, I made a lot of experiences during the early 90s that feel wholly aligned with the plot of AGoY (which was written during that time). I don’t want to write a whole essay about feminism here, but second wave feminism was on its way out in the late 80s. A lot of the bad associations some people have with feminism today stem from that time (not always justified, because a lot of good was achieved during that period. But parts of it in specific sub-communities—definitely problematic). Equality vs equity discussions within the feminist movement were dominating everything, and the divide between radfems and libfems was getting deeper. People like Audre Lorde IMHO rightly criticised that failing to understand that not all women start on equal footing, that not all women are the same, is problematic (so you could easily see how this is incorporated into the narrative of AGoY).

Second wave feminism wasn’t just about making sure women had rights. It was very much about “all of us can do everything men do, and we want the same a man gets”. It was all about the workspace (so often very white, CIS, middle class), not being at home with the kids etc (of course there were also other topics, but this one was really quite dominant). You could even see it fashion (massive shoulder pads etc). All the while, actually *being* a man was vilified (again, just in certain quarters).

So I feel you’re on to something with your #girlboss comment, only that I don’t think it was intentionally set up to like her, but rather as a criticism of what certain quarters of the feminist movement were like at the time.

Personal anecdote: I got that type of schtick from WITHIN the LGBT community at the time. Bi-erasure was big. And there were radfem lesbians that would actually tell you that being bi doesn’t exist, that you are basically a traitor to your “sisters” and just a lesbian who isn’t fully out. The same shite they used to criticise about men who would say you’re only a lesbian because you haven’t found the right guy yet. And here they went, telling you that you can’t be attracted to men if you’re also attracted to women.

Third wave feminism has a much stronger focus on the individual woman and what it means to be a woman to HER. This also included trans women, much more than during the second wave. Judith Butler’s work is actually exemplary for this (in essence, there is no such woman as “the” woman—we’re all different despite sharing common traits and problems. Trying to make us all the same will only harm us in the long run).

And with AGoY and Thessaly, we are exactly at the moment in time (in the comics) where that shift happens. I think Neil got it right for the time, and understood a lot of what was going on. Many people in queer communities felt really understood and seen, myself included. I absolutely see how that translates differently today. But it always saddens me when the historical context gets completely stripped away, and people don’t take the time a work of fiction was written into consideration and only measure it from today’s viewpoint. We can, and absolutely have to be critical if the TV shows fails to address these points and just translates everything 1-2-1. Which I am fairly certain won’t happen, because Thessaly has already been stripped off a lot of her obvious TERFiness in the Audible. I’m not even sure if we’ll get her in the show—we’ll hopefully find out.

Phew, that was long, I’m gonna lie down 😂

[she-is-ovarit]

Why did you refer to your friend, who is a trans man, as he?

do you believe trans people are the gender they identify as?

Often people won’t respond to these questions, because they don’t have reasoning behind their own bigotry. Will you? I’m willing to have a healthy debate, I just want to see from the eyes of the other side

I'm not sure what post you're referring to or what context your question is coming from. I tend to get a lot of these types of asks/DMs in which people reach out with comments or questions pertaining to something I said weeks, months, or years ago that is circulating and came across their dash.

If you're wondering what my views on gender ideology are, skimming these links would give you a more holistic and accurate sense.

Tag 1

Tag 2

Tag 3

Tag 4

My close friend is female and trans-identifying. She considers herself a transman. We had a discussion day three of me knowing her (we were on a date, actually, ha) on gender identity, biological sex, etc. We've had similar talks since—the most recently after she obtained a double masectomy. I don't usually refer to her as a man in the presence of people who aren't in her immediate inner circle. She's aware I conceptualize her as female and refer to her as being female and is fine with this. I'm aware she describes herself differently than I describe myself and am fine with this. Our friendship is unique and wholesome and expands beyond hyperfixating on pronouns.

If I called her "he" anywhere, it's likely because I'm used to other people calling her "he" or her introducing herself as a "he" - or even sometimes choosing to call her "he" in certain situations - similar to how I would performatively participate in certain religious traditions without actually believing in the religion. She understands that I don't really believe she's a he, and we both came to the genuine acceptance of each other, differences and all, very early on in our friendship. If she couldn't move past that I saw her as female, and if I couldn't move past that she calls herself a man, we simply wouldn't be friends because that would be grounds for an unhealthy friendship.

[orangerosebush]

People online refer to Judith Butler's theory of gender performativity frequently. Understandably so! But to understand the idea, it's valuable to not just rely on random people's (often well-articulated and helpful) presentation of their individual understanding of the theory.

All too often, the role of heterosexuality in gender performativity is ignored -- which is a pity. Understanding the link between "correctly" performing one's gender and heterosexuality is key in contextualizing how and why it was difficult historically to, for example, access any form of medical transition unless one played the role of a heterosexual during intake interviews with clinics. Ray Blanchard, the father of many transmisogynistic discourses today, specifically divided trans women into two categories: heterosexual trans women (whom he "pitied" and deemed "worthy" of a tenuous, conditional validation) and bisexual/lesbian trans women (whom he deemed as being incapable of "truly" being trans).

And this did not just play out in medical contexts, as I know I have somewhere on my blog Lou Sullivan's correspondence with another queer trans man regarding the ways in which their shared experience of queer attraction called their transness into question socially -- even amongst other heterosexual trans men, who saw their political brothers' attraction to men as somehow incompatible with masculinity.

I think that this article also highlights that the process of being 'taught' the kind of ways we should perform our gender occurs both in public and in the privacy of the family. This process is neither passive nor harmless, regardless of whether one is cis or trans. Butler highlights extensively that this process is key to assimilating each generation into patriarchal modes of relating to one another and patriarchy, sensu lato -- an example being how (many) little girls are punished throughout childhood within a family unit for not adhering to the specific roles they "must" play within the family; roles that, in fact, are not at all specific to any family, but rather are roles that are particular to the prejudices within the society they were born into.

To be clear, I do not take Butler's writing on gender performativity as a dogma with how this accounts for the historical complexities of politicizing and policing the body. Many academics, activists, and everyday people have built upon and transcended the ideas articulated in Butler's work here. However, I think it is always helpful to know the legacy we inherit from the thinkers who came before us!

"Performative Acts and Gender Constitution: An Essay in Phenomenology and Feminist Theory" (1988)

“Philosophers rarely think about acting in the theatrical sense […]

When Beauvoir claims that 'woman' is a historical idea and not a natural fact, she clearly underscores the distinction between sex, as biological [...], and gender, as [...] cultural interpretation or signification [...]. [T]o be a woman is to have become a woman, to compel the body to conform to a historical idea of 'woman,' to induce the body to become a cultural sign, to materialize oneself in obedience to a historically delimited possibility, and to do this as a sustained and repeated corporeal project.

[…]

The contention that sex, gender, and heterosexuality are historical products which have become conjoined and reified as natural over time has received a good deal of critical attention[.]

[…]

Surely, there are nuanced and individual ways of doing one's gender, but that one does it, and that one does it in accord with certain sanctions and proscriptions, is clearly not a fully individual matter. Here again, I don't mean to minimize the effect of certain gender norms which originate within the family and are enforced through certain familial modes of punishment and reward and which, as a consequence, might be construed as highly individual, for even there family relations recapitulate, individualize, and specify pre-existing cultural relations; they are rarely, if ever, radically original. The act that one does, the act that one performs, is, in a sense, an act that has been going on before one arrived on the scene. Hence, gender is an act which has been rehearsed, much as a script survives the particular actors who make use of it, but which requires individual actors in order to be actualized and reproduced as reality once again”

[sinkat-arts]

Happy pride! I've had this scene in my head for a little while now, so I'm setting it free. A little Trans Daichi Daisuga for everyone;;; And also a little drabble... for context, you know.

CW: Needles, injection

Daichi watched as Koushi got prepped for their little Saturday morning routine. It was quick work by now - he’d been doing this for… how long now? He’d started helping Daichi with this task within that first month they lived together, so that was something like 5 years at this point. 

Time flies when you’re having fun, Daichi thought, grinning.  

“Oh, he’s smiling before coffee AND while I have a needle in my hand,” Koushi said, wearing a grin of his own as he teased. He shook the vial and held it upside down before drawing out .5mL of a hormone Daichi’s body couldn’t produce on its own. “Penny for your thoughts?”

“Just… thinking about time. And you. And this,” he said, gesturing to Koushi’s little prep station. Every weekend, the same thing - three alcohol pads, opened before anything started for quick access, two different gauges of needles, a syringe, the vial, and a band-aid (also pre-opened just in case). He always arranged it just so on a makeshift metal tray that had been a lid to something in a past life, but had now, for almost 4 years, been Koushi’s makeshift nurse’s station. “Feels like only yesterday you started doing this for me… and now you’ve got it down to a science.” 

Koushi’s eyes softened, likely casting his mind back into the past right along with Daichi. There was a lot of it, and while they’d had hard times… there was an overabundance of goodness. Smiles and laughs that never seemed to stop, even though by all rights, they should be sick of one another after more than a decade together. 

“Had to,” he finally said, “You were so pitiful when you did it yourself… blame my overall pleasant and extremely giving nature. I’m basically a saint.” 

“Sugawara Koushi, patron saint of needle shy and pathetic souls…”

Koushi scrunched his nose in distaste as he dropped to his knees beside where Daichi sat on the closed toilet in their bathroom. “Yeah, let’s keep workshopping that one.” 

“Anything for you, St. Suga,” Daichi laughed as Koushi cleaned a spot on his outer thigh with one of the alcohol pads.

“That’s right,” he replied, now holding the prepped syringe in one hand, “Ready?”

“Be gentle,” Daichi said, leaning as far away from Koushi as he could, face scrunched in a grimace… though he peeked at Koushi out of one eye and one corner of his mouth was curled up in a playful grin. 

“Really?” 

“Hey, don’t blame me… I’m pitiful, remember? A delicate flower.” 

“You’re a big baby… good thing you’re cute.” 

“It’s my secret weapon… worked on you.” 

Koushi rolled his eyes in what Daichi understood was mock exasperation before they both broke out in chuckles. 

“It sure did,” he answered as he moved quickly to complete the injection. Only a moment’s work, but it was important. This little routine had once been Daichi’s alone - and Koushi wasn’t wrong, he’d hated doing it himself, had worked himself up and almost passed out a few times - but now it was theirs, together. Now, he could smile and laugh through it. And that meant the world to him. 

The deed done, Koushi covered the site with a fresh alcohol pad as he rubbed circles in the muscle. Neither of them really knew if that helped settle or spread the liquid, but it seemed the thing to do, so it was done. 

“And there we have it,” Koushi said, applying a band-aid as the finishing touch. As he did every Saturday, he kissed the tips of two fingers and pressed them over the bandage. “All set.” 

“Hey,” Daichi said, looking down into the eyes of the one thing he was sure at this point he couldn’t live without, “Thank you.” 

“Of course…” 

“No, I mean it,” he said, tone turning serious. Sincere. “You may not be an official saint, but to me… it feels a lot like I’ve been blessed.” 

Koushi’s eyes went wide for a moment before his face softened. He reached up and pressed a fist into Daichi’s chest, just a gentle, playful little punch. It was the language he fell back on when actual words failed him.  

“Dummy. I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” 

“Wanna make pancakes?” 

“Hell yeah I do!” 

And just like that, the Saturday morning ritual was complete. Breakfast was made and life went on. 

And life was good.  

[sophie-frm-mars]

Liberal Dissociative Amnesia

The Cass Review is the most discussed political topic among trans people in the UK right now. The 388 page report by Dr Hillary Cass examines the gender services available to young people in the UK and concludes that young people are being let down, gender services need to be taken out of reach for trans people under 25 and a new system which urges avoiding transition at every turn needs to be created which will refer people at age 25.

I just watched Michael Walker on Novara Media say "I think there are some very difficult questions here that I really don't know the answer to", and I find myself baffled by statements like this. I did actually understand in watching what specific questions he thought were "difficult", and I think someone could probably answer them pretty effectively to a standard he was happy with if he had a well informed trans person who he trusted in his life. The problem is, the whole segment was presented with as much equivocation and both-sidesing as possible, this constant air of "what if"

I feel like I'm observing a dissociative amnesia that people like this run into when discussing something that people they can easily see are bigots have declared to be scientific and complicated and requiring serious scrutiny. The Novara team understand the broad wave of anti-trans attacks happening across much of the world, particularly America and Britain, right now, even if they won't necessarily call it genocide - so why does this story exist completely devoid of context? Why is it suddenly time to ask "difficult questions"?

Walker wonders out loud about people on a spectrum where at one end people would have always been cis under all circumstances and on the other they would have always been trans, and in the middle of course are people who might transition if it's easier and there's less stigma. His point as far as I can tell is that somewhere in there it could get TOO easy to transition and then people will do it and regret it. Do I need to bother saying this is why we have informed consent?

It's like the people trying to wipe us out are playing Simon Says with the most progressive of our liberal media. The progressives can see bigotry for what it is most of the time and then somehow suddenly it becomes ✨special science bigotry ✨ and, perhaps because there's an institutional weight behind it, perhaps because it claims to be a serious study, or perhaps just because of the aesthetics of intellectualism the progressive journalists mysteriously forget about the whole wider context of transphobia around the world and have to apply rigorous journalistic standards to it.

"There's social contagion!" "No that's bigotry"

"They're just undiagnosed autistic people!" "No they're trans AND autistic"

"They're coming after the kids!" "No, that's age old queerphobia"

"✨Simon Says ✨ there's social contagion!" "oh well this warrants very careful discussion, I need to think very hard about this before taking a side here, it's a toxic culture war debate and we must remain ✨rational✨ when discussing issues like this..."

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for sort of wanting to break up with my boyfriend

okay so I [18M] met this guy [18M] back in january through an accepted college students group chat. We got to talking and found out we had a lot of similar interests, plus we live in the same city so we were able to hang out occasionally. We were even each other's prom dates (though both times were "as friends") However, after my prom he drove me home and ended up asking me out, saying he'd had a crush on me for a while and just had to tell me. I told him that I would love to date him, but that I had to tell him something first. I'm a stealth trans man, which means everyone I'd met and hung out with around him had assumed I was cis. So had this guy. I asked if that would be a problem, as he identified as gay and some gay men just aren't into trans men. He responded and said he didn't think it would be. Well, flash forward a month and I was on an out of town trip with him and several of his friends. As the only couple on the trip we were also sharing a room. And for context we'd made out but nothing more. The night before we left, he asked "hey, can we talk about something real quick?" I said sure, and he went "so, you know how I'm gay, right?" to which I thought oh no. I know where this is going. And basically he ended up saying that he didn't think he'd be comfortable doing anything sexual with me because he's "only into cock" but also that he'd be okay 'receiving' sexual acts, just not 'giving.' I was pretty stunned because I hadn't been thinking of that stuff really at all (it was literally the day after our one month anniversary. it was all still pretty new) and I said as much, but that I thought it would definitely be a problem in the future. He then freaked out and said that because he has OCD vague statements like that mess up his brain and basically send it into overdrive, so would I please say that it wouldn't ever be a problem (which I did.) I didn't see him for almost a month after that because he went out of the country, but I was definitely more reserved with the way I talked to him, prompting him to ask many times if he was annoying me and sort of catastrophize about our relationship (sent me a text asking if our LOVE was FADING.) I eventually ended up talking to him about it all over the phone and he immediately apologized saying that he knew as soon as he had said it that it was an asshole thing to say. Then he went into a tangent about how he actually views sex and romance as two different things and thinks sex is super degrading and dehumanizing, and how he thinks our love is this "pure and wholesome" thing (actual words.) He did say that he would be willing to try things with me but I don't want him to force anything on his end regarding sexual stuff, because it is totally okay if he doesn't want to have sex with me, it just means I don't want to stay in a relationship with him. But he keeps going on and on about how much he loves me and how I've changed him into a better person (and also how SCARED he is that I'll break up with him????) and so I feel guilty wanting to break up, especially because I did like him a lot before all this but now it's just so stressful and I don't know what to do. And that's where the "am *I* the asshole" bit comes in because I have been really sort of neglecting him, responding to messages late, not being super enthusiastic about talking to him, just being a bad boyfriend tbh. And of course the cherry on top is that we're going to college together in a month. Okay tumblr please help me what do you think

What are these acronyms?

[earhartsease]

in case anyone wondered where Ursula Le Guin stood regarding trans people, we're sharing here a card we got from her back in 2010 - the context here is that we had a correspondence with her across several years, which began with us reading Tehanu whilst still cosplaying a cis man in England, and then writing her a somewhat Angry Male™ letter about the person Ged becomes between The Farthest Shore and Tehanu (his apparent powerlessness made us really uncomfortable, but that was mostly because of our abusive mother we now suspect)

she wrote back so kindly and patiently, and we ended up writing to each other a few times over the next years about Buddhism (we were ordained into a Buddhist cult at the time and had a Sanskrit name beginning with Padma) and about writing, as we had started writing a novel and realised that characters have their own stories, and writers aren't necessarily the ones steering the craft

and then us finally coming out to her as trans and telling her how much of this anger we'd carried towards women was because of not allowing ourselves to be who we truly are, and that it just dissolved as soon as we came out (note that this exchange of letters was during the year it took us to realise we were not in fact a woman but agender, which we did eventually tell her)

anyway her card reads:

Dear Padma - I wish I could read your name for certain, but anyhow I know "Padma" - your news is very good. I hope you thoroughly enjoy the odd experience of being a woman - people don't always make it easy. But isn't it great to have come out of the anger? All the best, Ursula

sadly we didn't get to write more after that, we could no longer get hold of the prepaid US international airmail letters she asked people to send so she could reply, so we never got a reply to our letter telling her we were agender after all - but we're so very grateful for her kindness and allyship, and that she had long grown past 2nd wave feminism by the time all this happened

then we got to be one of the people funding a documentary* about her, where sadly she died before its release, and we were at the UK premiere and wept when she talked about "getting angry letters from men" about her writing, and how people do grow and change and how she too grew and changed

we didn't really get to know her (different continents or we would surely have tried to meet her - weirdly we did meet her son Ted when we were both in our teens, as he was our best friend's penfriend) but we do love her

also we love the lil dragon on her stationery

*tumblr app is being a dick and won't let us add a link - oh, see https://worldsofukl.com

[shootingsun]

Wammys kids incorrect quotes except they're all conversations/statements I have been a part of:

-

L: Oh my God it's just like the time Beyond set his school on fire-

Mello: He what

Beyond: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT AND YOU'RE MAKING IT SOUND WORSE THAN IT WAS!

-

Mello: I'm sorry for Near's behavior

L: you do realize that you were also participating in the behavior?

Mello: nooooo I was fighting on the side of righteousness it was justified

-

Near: is this a healthy coping mechanism? No. Will I continue to do it? Probably

-

Matt: stop telling little kids stories about real life serial killers!

Mello: if I had to be cursed with childhood trauma, SO DO THEY

-

Beyond: No you don't even understand this manga changed my entire LIFE please read it I'm literally begging you

A: But I already know the entire plot because you told it to me via a series of rants

Beyond: STILL!

-

Matt: I'm trans and a gamer which somehow just makes me even more swag

-

L: I genuinely believe that no-one here is cisgender

A: Uh, I am?

Beyond: it's okay, we'll accept you when you realize that you're wrong

-

Beyond: My gender is the same as that one frog man I saw on a computer once

Near: Same

Mello: Yup, agreed

Matt: I don't think anyone here DOESN'T relate to the frogs gender honestly

-

Mello: I don't want to have sex with anyone you whore I want to have academic validation!!

-

A: I'm literally going to die this very second, unless-

Beyond: OH THANK GOD I THOUGHT YOU WERE ENDING THE SENTENCE THERE

-

Mello: the drunk horse show destroyed me emotionally however it did give me cool ideas for characters

Near: I'm sorry, the drunk WHAT show

Mello: Horse, god keep up Near

-

L: Buying cake at 7:36 in the morning and consuming it all in under two minutes IS self care actually

-

Matt: Why do acesexuals say the most horny shit? Like, lots of you don't even want the sex so why

Mello: Honestly I dunno but as an acesexual I can confirm that I say horny things all the time both in and out of context

-

A: I'm a good person, I'm a good person, I'm a good person, I'm a good person-

Mello: Uh. What's A doing?

Near: He thinks if he says it enough it'll come true

L: That's because it works you know.

Mello: Wait really?

Mello, under his breath: ...I will get the top score on my exam, I will get the top score-

-

Beyond: Who needs mental stability when you have EYELINER?

-

L: I've been in counseling for 7 years now.

Matt: Uh, good for you I guess

L: Not good, somehow I'm still depressed they failed to fix me emotionally

-

L: Look, someday, when you have the life experience I've had, you'll get it

Mello: I've never had the horizontal line dance because I'm literally underage and asexual

L: Oh shit yeah you're right

L: Hang on a fucking minute what did you just refer to sex as-

-

A: Everyday I get closer and closer to committing a -cide. And the motherfuckers who've crossed me better pray it's not the Homo one.

-

Mello: HOW ARE YOU BEATING ME YOU'VE NEVER PLAYED THIS GAME BEFORE??

Matt: Honestly I dunno I'm just pressing buttons and hoping for the best

-

A: Do I picture his hair, his face, his eyes, the way our hands touch before I go to sleep? Do I long to feel the romance I'll never get to experience with him? Maybe. I mean, it might just be our mutual aromanticism, it might be my depression, but I know we can never be together in the way everyone expects us to be together...

Near: Sympathy noise.

A: Did you just say the words 'sympathy noise' to me?

Near: I'm bad at feelings why did you come to me about your sad gayness I don't know how to respond to that