#for jenn because i want her to have something nice to wake up to after the rough night she had last night <3

[theprinceofmarvel]

Jennifer Walters Headcanons

please know that this is all fluff,very minor angst!

Keep in mind you’ve been with Jenn since y’all met at a coffee shop when she was cramming for finals at law school. You just so happened to always be there when she needed caffeine. (I love a meet cute leave me be)

Angst?

The was only ever one bump in the road and that was when she went missing for 2 weeks. She didn’t tell you anything at all. You just knew she was with her cousin Bruce and they were on their way to her parent’s house for dinner. It drove you mad. You were so angry and frustrated with her when she came back home. “JENNIFER SUSAN WALTERS! WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU!?” She flinched at the sound of her full name. Ruh roh. At this point you were in tears and finished off with “I called your parents and you weren’t there. I thought you were missing or dead. I love you Jenn, but you need to tell me about these things. I don’t care where you go because my heart will always follow. I’d appreciate it if you just gave me a heads-up about a change of plans, okay?” You were both crying and there was a lot of hugging and kisses. Jennifer was still afraid to hurt you though.

The day you found out was the day she fought Titania while presenting a case. She didn’t know you were waiting outside of the courtroom for her. You had wanted to surprise her with lunch at her favorite cafe. When you heard the crash you ran in and tried to find her. When you didn’t, you felt your heart rate pick up. Where could she be? When your eyes met with green they slowly became the hazel you know and love. She slowly moved towards you only for you to step back. “So this is what you kept from me?” She didn’t know how to respond. She just wanted to protect you. “We’ll talk when you come home. I need to think for a minute. I love you.” And you walked out. She knew she was in the dog house the moment she saw you in your shared apartment with your hands on your hips. At least you weren’t upset for long after she explained everything.

Fluff!

Jennifer Walters loves you just as much as you love her. The thought of you literally keeps her from hulking out most of the time. If she’s already in hulk form and can’t go back to your Jenn you just need to hold her hand. She’s a puddle of love and adoration as she shrinks down to Jennifer size.

She loves waking up and seeing you next to her and having your arms around her. She feels so safe and comforted. Jennifer hates having to work so early in the morning because she misses you so much all the time. It may seem a little codependent, but she adores you and wants you all the freaking time.

You own a bar, so you’re your own boss. That must be heckin nice,huh? Since you have a bit of free time you make different dishes for Jenn to try when she comes home. She loves that you work, but the sight of you cooking for her makes her heart flutter. She loves you so fucking much. You care for her well being and remind her to eat and drink water. Sometimes you cook together because Jenn wants to learn, but doesn’t know where to start. So you’ll stand behind her and guide her while you wrap your arms around her waist and rest your chin on her shoulder. Every time she does something right without guidance earns her a kiss along her neck. Her knees buckle a bit whenever you do that.

WEEKEND CLEANING! I cannot stress this enough. She loves days like this. You don’t DEEP clean unless it’s a holiday, special event, or spring cleaning. Y’all just clean together. Wash dishes together, clean the windows, and mirrors. (Think of that scene from up where they’re fixing up their house) Just two humans in love and enjoying each other’s company.

This is all I have for now. Enjoy Jennifer Walters fans <3

[zackcollins]

Slow Motion Celebration || DET vs TOR || 07/28/22 || For: @whimsical-daydreams​

[ktheist]

Can I request Tsundere!Yoongi from sentence starters fluff 3. “Have you seen my hoodie?” “Nooo.” “You’re wearing it, aren’t you?” Thank you! 🥰

“have you seen my hoodie?”

“no...”

“you’re wearing it aren’t you?

muses. human tsundere!yoongi x cat hybrid!reader

warning: implied smut

note. this is also posted on my other blog because it wasn’t showing up on searches. i’m posting this here as well as a formality!

x

are all humans this odd?

min yoongi gazed at you like you’ve got the most magnificent horns in the kingdom. silly, cats don’t have horns. minotaurs do.

you’ve met a few on your journey to find a mate. they’re not very nice. their heads are too big for their little feet. their dicks are big though. not that they’ll get anywhere with that kind of personality.

and you say journey but actually, you venture a little beyond the borders of the felidae’s territory because all the males tend to go for your elder sisters, leaving you with nothing but your fingerpads to get you through your heat.

this year, you’ve decided to find yourself another species, a different breed. white lions are too possessive, stallions tend to mate with too many, songbirds are get attached too easily and you can’t kiss vipers without being intoxicated on their essences.

you keep walking, deep in thoughts as the trees you pass by start looking the exact same. before you know it, the forest line cedes and the blades of grass that caress your soles have turned to hard, solid earth.

in front of you, stands a boy - your nose crinkles - no, at first sight, those sleepy eyes and slightly puckered lips look like that of a boy’s but this- this person without any distinct feature to identify his breed, is definitely a man.

min yoongi is a man in every sense of instinct.

“wh-what are you doing?” that’s when his droopy eyes come to life, and as you said, as if you bear two magnificent horns on your head.

but he’s not looking at your head. he’s looking at your chest.

“oof!” you breathe out at the soft material that lands on your face, the scent engulfing you smells strongly of him.

what is he?

“w-wear that,” his voice trembles but you’re more interested in this fur-like material he’s telling you to wear. it has one big hole and three smaller ones.

“fuck’s sake, all i wanted was some mushrooms for dinner,” odd. yoongi, he-

“do all your kinds speak to yourselves?” you ask once your ears pop out of one of the holes and then your head.

“don’t your kinds?” he answers, sighing before crossing the distance between you and him and placing a hand on top of your head, “you’re wearing it wrong. don’t you hybrids have clothes?”

the world goes dark for the briefest moment as you feel the material - clothes, he says? - shift around and finally gets pulled over your head. the hole is much larger and comfier around your neck.

“it’s warm,” you hum, rubbing your cheek against the material on your shoulder, “it smells good too. it smells like you.”

you’re not sure why but his species get red especially on his cheeks and ears.

“th-thanks, i guess.”

“you’re welcome.” you grin.

x

“so why were you walking around in the forest owned by humans?” yoongi asks when he closes the movable plank that’s attached to his cube-looking cave. it’s well carved.

ah, so the journey you initially set out has lead you far beyond the felidae territory.

“are you a human?” you answer his question with another question.

he doesn’t seem to care and instead starts making a fire and setting up shiny containers on the fire. you expect him to start cursing and looking distressed again when the container melts - are all humans this stupid? - but the container remains intact in its natural form.

is it metal?

metal is the only thing that can withstand fire but the pantheras tend to keep the those for themselves to make arrowheads.

you shiver at the remembrance of those golden eyes. the pantheras may have been part of the fedilaes but they’ve long since abandoned their origins, claiming that they were more superior.

“you can have some mushroom soup and leave, i’m sure a kid like you can find her way home,” he has a similar material - clothes - that and put it on while you were deep in your thoughts.

“i’m not a kid - well, i haven’t mated yet, but i’m not a kid,” you say.

he laughs. it’s the kind of laugh that those arrogant minatours do but he’s actually cute so you’ll let it slide, “yeah? so how old are you?”

“in fidelae years, twenty-three,” you say, bringing your legs to your chest under the ‘clothes’ and hugging yourself, enjoying the softness of the material until a loud clang reverberates from where he is.

you’re on your feet in an instant, padding towards where the human male is, cupping his hand and gazing down at it with a sort of grimace.

“give it to me,” you say, gently prying his uninjured hand off and directing his finger to your lips.

it takes a few seconds for the blood to stop flowing from the cut, when it does, you release his finger, giving it a few licks before looking up at yoongi who’s face has turned beet red yet again.

you pick up the scent of his arousal as he looks again, muttering a “th-thanks, but you shouldn’t do that to other people - not even males of your kind, got it?”

“yoongi,” you finally say his name, fingers tugging on the hem of his ‘clothes’, “if you don’t want me to treat other males like that, then take me. make me yours.”

when he twists his porcelain neck to face you - he looks like all the blood in his body is rushing to his head. it’s a surprise that he hasn’t exploded. but you guess, as he cups your cheek in his hands, the trace of blood from the cut brushing against your skin and crashes his lips on yours - he explodes in a different way.

x

min yoongi tastes divine. like the dew drop of first light after the blue moon. he tastes different from you.

you might have been a little curious and decided to lick your juice coated fingers after you’d taken care of yourself.

“y-your teeth-” he stammers, propping his elbows on the thing he calls bed as he looks at you with the most adorable lust-filled gaze.

you ran your tongue over your canines. well, they never hurt you but they’re still pretty sharp. either way, you’ve licked him enough to know just how good he tastes like.

he tastes divine but he must feel better.

you grin, traces of your excitement pouring over his hardened dick as you stand over it on your knees, “thank you for accepting me as your mate for this year!”

and then you take him all the way to the hilt. the pent up frustrations from all those years you’ve lost to your sisters when it comes to finding a mate blooms in your core and spreads all over your body like sweet, sweet venom.

do all human dicks feel this good?

yoongi’s making the prettiest sound with that pretty face of his as you bounce on his dick. and he lets you do whatever you want. you heard from your sisters that the males of your kin have too big of an ego to let the females take the lead.

“take the hoodie off,” yoongi tugs on the hem of your own clothes.

“why? it’s so comfy!” you whine but know that you’d succumb those pretty pink lips and those clouded eyes anyway.

“i wanna touch you too.”

and so the clothes -hoodie - comes off. and all of a sudden, you’re the shy little kitten that’s hiding her face in her hands as the human male teases your erect nipples. then he pulls you lower until his mouth traps your nipple and his other hand starts coaxing your hips to move again - you’re not sure why or when you stopped.

but you’ve shed off some of the shyness as your bodies mold together into one and an unfamiliar yet familiar spasms of climax shoots through your body.

you end up reaching for the hoodie despite yoongi’s complaints - something about “can’t be naked alone”. he declines your offer to help him into his own hoodie and opts for wrapping his arms around you, his chin on the top of your head and his jawline brushing against the side of your ears, “i’ll keep warm like this.”

x

humans may be odd but they’ve got good stamina. every waking moment of your and yoongi’s lives, you both spend them tangled in his bed or cuddled up on his couch - sometimes you end up on the floor, and that’s nice too because yoongi lends you his arm as a pillow while you cuddle up to him.

but lately, something seems to be bothering him and you find out why on the last day of your heat.

“you thanked me for being your mate for this year... do you change mates every year?” he’s staring at the ceiling with a sort of thoughtfulness that’s never usually there.

he’s either sleepy or horny most of the time.

other times he gets up to cook for the two of you.

“we’re encouraged to look for different mates in order to find the strongest that we can use to bear children with and continue the royal bloodline but the nobles and below don’t need to try so hard to find mates. they usually stay with their first mate.”

yoongi’s thoughtful hum vibrates under your fingerpads that lie on his chest - you enjoy feeling the different patterns of his heartbeat.

“wait... are you a royal?” his wide eyes gaze into you like the first time you met, as if you’ve grown horns on your head.

“my father is amun, the conqueror of the kingdom,” you nod, “but since i’m the youngest, the pressure to procreate isn’t that big, i doubt anyone notices i’ve been away for three months. i should probably go back.”

“yeah,” he looks like he’s about to cry any moment, “you should,” but he turns away before you can say anything.

x

ever since yesterday, yoongi’s been acting odd.

cold and distant, as if you’re both strangers living under the same roof. you want to wait until he wakes up to tell him goodbye but it’s a few hours past first light and your guardians, having been lifted from their heat, may be searching high and low for you. so you slip out of yoongi’s bed and out of the plank - door.

as you thought, jennie and lisa were on the verge of crying and going to your father to offer their heads for failing to find out their master’s whareabouts.

“my lady,” jennie nose crinkles as she takes repeated whiffs of your scent, “this scent- it doesn’t belong to a felidae.”

“did you mate with a pathera?” lisa’s round eyes almost pop out of their sockets.

you giggle before bringing your index finger to your lips, “shh, don’t tell father but- he’s a human.”

“a-a human?” jennie whispers under her breath, “my lady, you know what they say about humans! th-they’re like gods! they have the purest forms without tails or thorns on their body!”

“i know, that’s why you two must keep it a secret.” you say but the moment you walk down the pillars leading to the throne, you know everyone can smell the scent of yoongi on you.

your sisters’ alarmed gazes doesn’t go past you but you take your spot on the far end of the throne anyway.

“___ - you- who was your mate?” your sister, agatha, asks.

she’s been rubbing the fact that she’s had more mates than your years of living.

“why should i tell you?” you shoot her a victorious grin.

she huffs, displeased, “wait until father knows about this.”

and as if on cue, the horn begins to blow and silence settles all over the throne as a beast larger than two- no, three felidaes in their beast forms combined, struts down the pillared isle, his steps light and graceful as is his transformation as the beast gets on two paws and takes the remaining of his steps on his two feet.

“felidaes, thank you for gathering here on this wonderful day after yet another successful mating season. i look forward welcoming new cubs to our prides,” he announces.

“and to ___, my youngest, when will i be able to meet this human mate of yours?” he turns to you, pride laced around his words as agatha and the rest of the people’s eyes widen at the word ‘human’.

you giggle, feeling the blood rushing to your face - this must have been how yoongi felt every time his face goes red, “father, you know how humans are different from us. please give us more time.”

x

humans are odd.

min yoongi especially so.

he acts like nothing’s changed from the time you were living with him to the time you’ve left him. it may have been a short period - has it been a month? - of running away from the ladies that try to pry the story of you and your human mate and the males that sudden have their attention turned to you, trying to court you with offerings of the ancient relics and deepest colored gems.

your tail sways over the ledge of the window as you watch the human male set walk pass you and set up the table before going back to the kitchen only to stop midway. as if he’s seen a ghost.

oh well, at least it isn’t horns.

then he slowly turns to you with eyes round and awake - shocked and disbelieved, even.

“____, y-you came back?” he stammers out.

you grin, hopping off the ledge and bounding right into his arms, your own wrapped around his neck whilst your naked breasts press up against his chest, “i missed your hoodie, so i came back.”

yoongi looks like he’s about to scold you and cry at the same time, but he does neither. instead, he cups your cheeks in his hands and kisses you like he’s never had a drop of water since the day you left.

and you kiss back, savoring the taste of your human mate whom you’ve chosen to spend your whole life with.

you spend your days cuddled together in his sheets like you did before except you’re not licking his neck with every chance you get - it’s the part where he smells most divine besides his dick.

it turns out a human’s heat is all year round. during winter, his hand slips under the hoodie and touches your lower lips. during summer, he keeps trying to take off the hoodie. in autumn and spring, he doesn’t mind the hoodie as much. but you suppose you can’t be hogging all of them at once.

“have you seen my hoodie?” he means the one he claims to be his and is supposed to be steal-proof.

the bright red one with a skull at the back.

you feel your ears perking at the word, thankfully the hood’s covering your head, “no...”

a good few seconds pass without yoongi saying anything, before he sighs, “you’re wearing it, aren’t you?”

underneath your black hoodie, a piece of bright red peeks from the neckline. so you peek up at the human male, laughing sheepishly, “it’s just so comfy and it smells like you...”

“i should start charging you for fees,” he plants his hands on either sides of you, resting his forehead on yours as he smirks deviously.

“f-fees?” you laugh, “w-well, the kingdom is filled with minerals you humans seem to love.”

“pay up with your body,” there’s a glint in his eyes - the kind that used to get buried beneath blushed skin and shyly closed eyes.

you feel your ears perking up, your tail swaying behind you as you tilt your head in just the right angle to kiss his lips. when you pull away, his face is glowing beet red.

“okay, i paid my dues, right?” you shoot him one of your smiles.

he looks like he has more to say, disappointed even, but he settles with a “y-yeah.”

tugging on his hand and swiftly pulling him down onto the bed, cradling his waist. his face looks like it’s about to explode. you giggle.

“you- you’re teasing me,” his forehead creases and he looks like he’s about to kill you and kiss you at the same time.

humans are odd.

min yoongi, especially so.

x

note. reminder that this drabble is also up on my other blog!

[pluviophile-bookworm]

HSMTMTS 2x11: Let us pull up a chair as the dining room proudly presents... the reason for my next mental breakdown

I can't believe myself, honestly. Oversleeping on the one day of the week that I've got something exciting to wake up for? Oh well, I'm up now and I'd better go ahead and do this before my dashboard has showered me with spoilers. I mean, I have never really minded spoilers, but when it comes to this, somehow I do. Though I do wish something had forewarned me about last week's snap ending (get it, 'snap'... I'll see myself out). I'd better dive in already.

Yes, Mr Mazzara, that's what I've been saying for a while! Ok, maybe I haven't been very vocal about it, but it was in the foreground of my mind that they should have asked for Mr Mazzara's help re: transformation! I'm just glad he pointed it out. Not that he could have done much while he was busy playing therapist for his beloved Miss Jenn. Oh well.

Were those Ash and Ricky doing actual paired-up warmups? That is what they should have been doing for weeks now. That and having actual off-stage interactions, too. But I still subscribe to the theory that the gang had some good rehearsals off-screen — otherwise there's no way they could have been this good on stage as we saw in the previews. I said it last time and I'll say it again — not everything is for us to see.

Wow. The one time our leads are in unison, and it is about both being injured. The East High drama club must be cursed — they can't have one production run smoothly and without what can only be described as pure unbridled chaos.

They don't have any understudies? That explains some things... but also how? But also, I'm so happy Ashlyn is going on. No way she would have missed her first (first of many, right?) chance of being the lead because of some 'minor' injury.

Ricky and Nini still can't talk to each other properly. Oh well. Take your time. It's not like I care about this pairing anymore.

Did EJ just use the word 'dig'? Boy, the boy's got it baaaaaad. Also, what is it going to take for these two to realise they're in love? For all we know, they might have that big kiss we're all dreaming of and still be like 'nah, it's nothing, we're buddies'... give me a break! But I mean, at this point they might just be turning into Redlyn 2.0, where even a kiss doesn't define things. But hey, if they do follow in Redlyn's footsteps, that only means good things in their future, right?

What did that fake French git do to my boy Carlos? He's not supposed to look this inanimate until right before the climax of the play! Well, I mean, at least Seb serving as his interpreter means that Seb gets more lines for a bit. Too bad he can't go on for someone with more lines in the play.

Miss Jenn's 'words of inspiration' were less than inspired... yeah, this show's going down. Or it would, if it depended solely on her. Let's hope the kids do better. I mean, I know for a fact they will... at least for about 5 minutes of the thing. There is still room for things to go wrong and I'm scared.

Oh, my sweet boy... I wish I could jump in there and do something to help him feel less nervous. Thing is, if I were there, I'd probably be the most nervous of them all, even if I were playing Townsfolk #3 or something, and everyone's nervousness would rub off on me, and I would be making things worse instead of helping. So yeah, I'm kind of glad I'm not there.

Ahhhh who called it? @redlyncentral was it you? Ash got flowers for her Biggie! And there's a card whose contents we've yet to see. But that doesn't seem to be helping either. My sweet, sweet Reddy... I hope and pray he'll be alright.

Well this is awkward! Who told Mike to show up and shake everything up right now? Miss Jenn is literally on the brink of exploding, and now she's stuck in this completely unnecessary love triangle. She needs some space. And a quiet place to breathe, thanks Mr M for suggesting it.

'Did we forget to build a mote around the school or...' Yeah, you tell her, Rick! That girl whose name I never want to pronounce (because it makes me think of much nicer people and she's making me hate it) has no business being there. She's not... being given a redemption arc, is she now? Some people just don't deserve it. And if hating her is an unpopular opinion now, well, I never did care much about having popular opinions. I can live with that.

'Lily, scram!' Yes, thank you, Natalie! I've always wanted someone who would voice my thoughts in a way that the characters can hear them. Make this girl a main next season, won't you? (Just so we're crystal clear, I mean Natalie, not the other one.)

OMG Mr M is in the play! In a way... I love that!

I love, love, love the way they did the prologue. 'Repulsed [the prince makes an over-the-top gesture of repulsion] by her haggard appearance [the witch shows off her face to the audience]...' I love this. I would pay a lot for a chance to see their entire play, you know?

Oh dear, somebody give my boy Reddy some sort of... medical aid against all the throwing up! I've got a nice pill that helps me with my bad cases of motion sickness. Hey, so maybe I could have helped if I were there after all. Great, now I feel bad. But also, is all the throwing up an excuse on the writers' part to keep my boy off-screen for the majority of this episode? Because it's a really lame excuse.

Gina's 'Many questions' continues to be a mood. What exactly is Miss Jenn expecting from the kids? Last-minute adjustments? No way. This spells disaster.

Was Carlos on vocal rest or something? Because he shines like the star he is... despite all the very obvious nervousness backstage. I mean, I wouldn't have it any other way, but... oh well, I wouldn't say it's unrealistic. In my personal performing experience, the most nervous ones perform the best. (So... what is that saying for my boy Reddy? Good things only.)

I've already had the opportunity to geek out about Be Our Guest yesterday, but... I mean, just look at them! Carlos doesn't need actual candles to be on fire, Ashlyn is stealing the scene without any lines in it, Gina is absolutely gorgeous, and don't even get me started on EJ and Big Red looking at their girls in absolute awe! This is everything!

Aww, look at them! Gina and Ashlyn dancing together, I mean. They're sisters and it really shows. And I love them both so much.

Kourtney is an absolute show-stealer! I'm still upset about some casting choices (one of them is in this scene, doing his absolute best with the crumbs he has been given), but she is absolutely perfect. I think I'll rewind and watch this entire scene again before moving on with the rest of the episode.

I'd just like to point out that Frankie's voice in his lower register is everything!

'You absolutely dusted that stage'... Not EJ making a pun so punny even I could not have thought of it... boy is absolutely smitten!

Not me tearing up when Jordan Fisher appeared as Gina's brother... like, I knew it was happening — I knew it even before it was announced. And I still teared up because, well, it's emotional in-universe and out.

Awww, my boy Reddy is so in love with Ashlyn... I mean, who wouldn't be... but — not Ricky saying Lily might not be as mean as they thought. Especially not to Big Red of all people. To him, she was just as mean as they thought.

'Side hustle project in the south hallway'? Ooh, what is it, I want to know now!

Why do I feel like things are a bit too awkward between Kourtney and Howie? Not that I'm too invested in their relationship, but if it bothered me, imagine how it must feel for the stans.

No, Ash, you absolutely do not need to add any fancy riffs to the song! Especially not just because L... well, that girl did it. You're unique and lovely and a literal Disney princess inside and out. That girl? She's just a wolf in a sparkling golden dress.

Awww... Big Red literally lowers Ash's blood pressure! Those two are such an amazing couple! (Full disclosure, though, he kind of does the same for me too; the other night I had this horrible nightmare, and I woke up in cold sweat in the middle of the night, and then... ok, getting too personal there.) The point is, if even the fantasy of a Big Red hug makes me feel better, imagine what his actual presence would do for Ash at that moment. Where is my boy? Everyone seems to be looking for him.

Oh... guess they took my advice to give the poor boy something for his vomiting issue. Good for whoever thought of it.

And we're back to the Porter siblings... forgive me if I still can't wrap my head around calling Gina's brother Jamie. I don't know about you guys, but thanks to my lovely new friend Paz he will always be Theodore to me. I guess we can headcanon that as his middle name. Anyway, I love it that they made a joke about the hilarious height difference between him and Gina because, well, it's the only thing I can think about when I look at the two of them. It reminds me of me and my little cousin who has been taller than me since she was 10, and is still growing taller now at 13. But, I mean, it's not very hard to be taller than me, since I'm so, so short... ok, this is not about me. Moving on.

Was I the only one who actually laughed out loud at Ricky drinking from the bowl as the Beast? I mean, that part has always made me laugh in the original movie, but something about Ricky's take on it makes it even funnier.

Meanwhile, my girl Ash is absolutely killing it as Belle. Not me having the very same expression as Big Red while watching her... gosh, I love both of them so much! Also, no offence to the rest of the cast, but Julia really is the best vocalist out there. Out of all of them. I said what I said.

My apologies to Ricky, but his voice is just not it when it comes to playing the Beast. Still, with the other option being him putting on that fake deep voice from the audition, I'm glad he didn't.

Ahhhh Portwell nation you ok guys? Since we didn't get them singing Something There, this is very much the next best thing... and boy, is it good!

Those glances between Kourtney and Howie, on the other hand... what on Earth is happening there?

Ok, so you all know just how strongly I feel about Seb's casting as Chip, and yet... boy had one line and absolutely ate it up! Give him an actual singing role next time, Miss Jenn!

EJ being starstruck by Jamie not because he's a big music producer, but because he's Gina's brother... excuse me while I sob!

Excuse me, what!!!! 'A big brother figure'? Boy, this didn't turn out the way I thought it would... now I'm scared.

Way to ruin things, Jamie! And I don't even mean the fact that his name is not Theodore. It doesn't matter what his name is anymore. He might just have put a spanner in the works of Portwell, and they were just doing so well! Ugh, I'm so frustrated. I wish I'd never boarded — what did I call it — 'the majestic S.S. Portwell'. What if it doesn't set sail now?

And there goes another disappointment... Carlos' 'the orchestra hasn't vamped this much since Bop to the Top' line had nothing to do with Seblos, and everything to do with what might still be the downfall of this show. I am not ready.

No. Miss Jenn did not just say that. She did not just tell Ricky — who, may I remind you, not that anyone's forgotten, just fell off of a high place last episode — to 'jump off of something high'. I realise she's under all the pressure, but that is not an excuse. Well, at least she heard herself.

Oh my gods... Nini — well, Nina, actually — did not just call him 'Richard', did she? That's it, that's the point of no return. And well, I kind of wanted them to reach it.

Told you, didn't I? I told you that-girl-who-must-not-be-named was evil! I always follow my intuition and it has not once deceived me. Redeem that, if you can! Guess what? You can't. We've just reached another point of no return.

Wait, a bloody cliffhanger? I cannot handle this. I physically cannot handle this. If you need me, I'll be sitting on my bed in shock, trying to process everything that happened. I'll need a while to get a grip on myself.

[sunshinejihyun]

35. Tim and MC please?!?! Love you tons!!

@kingkassam asked: 35. (I’m in love with my best friend) Tim and MC please?!?! Love you tons!!

Author’s note: Babe, thank you so much for your patience with me while waiting for me to write this (and answering some of my questions about season 1 since I haven’t played in forever). I love you so much and I hope you like this!

Warnings: Jen’s kinda a jerk? but other than that nothing

Summary: A year and a half after leaving the villa, Tim reevaluates his relationship

Word count: 2520

Masterlist

When Stars Align, They Burn Bright

A year and a half after Tim and Jen had won second place on Love Island, he was seated on a couch next to Jen, watching the season he was on for the first time since they had left the villa. It wasn’t that they avoided watching the show, they just wanted to live in the moment, get to know each other outside of the villa.

The villa was so different from the outside world; in the villa there were only so many options and everyone got along. Everyone was hot and kind of attracted to each other so it was easy to find someone you wanted to spend time with in there. But outside… proved to be more difficult. Jen’s parents didn’t like Tim and she wanted him to be someone he’s not. Sure, he’d put on a tie for a nice night out if needed but that wasn’t him on a normal day. They had their ups and downs, but it was Jen’s idea to watch their season. To watch them ‘reconnect’ for the first time and see them fall in love on screen.

But now, Jen was looking at him with the most horrified face he could imagine. The Tim on screen was currently narrating what happened during Cherrygate when his best friend found Levi and Cherry kissing right after a recoupling. Tim was smiling at the camera and rubbing the back of his neck. “At that moment, I swear it’s like everything hit me at once and in my brain I was like ‘mate, I’m in love with my best friend!’ and when I thought about Levi pieing her off like that, it drove me absolutely crazy.”

Jen flipped off the TV and flipped her hair off her shoulder before sighing. “Well that’s something I wasn’t aware of.”

Tim sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, just like younger him did on screen. “Nothing ever happened, and we ended up happy together in the end.”

“Are we happy, Tim?” Jen’s voice came out softly and he could tell she was nervous. “Because I’m not sure I am, not anymore.”

“Is this because I forgot to shake your father’s hand when we met them for brunch the other day? Because I can-”

“Tim,” Jen’s voice brought him back to the present and his heartbeat picked up, sweat starting to gather around his brow. “Seriously, when was the last time you felt happy.”

Tim thought back on their relationship and sure, there were laughs here and there and Jen didn’t make him miserable, but the last time he was truly happy and not just going through the motions was probably about half a year of being outside of the villa.

The last year wasn’t horrible, not in the slightest, but all they were doing was staying together because it’s what everyone expected from them and they still liked the other enough, but they fell out of love a long time ago. Both of them knew it, yet no one wanted to admit it.

His silence hung in the room and Jen got up, wiping her sweaty palms on the leggings she was wearing. “That silence answers more than you could ever know.” Smiling softly at Tim, she moved to leave the living room. “I think this is the end of us, Tim. You don’t have to move out right away but also… please don’t linger.”

Tim couldn’t fault Jen for asking him to leave; this was her apartment originally, it’d be silly for her to move out and him to stay and so he pulled out his phone and dialed the one number of the person he knew would take him in, no questions asked.

“Hello?” Her voice was quiet, like how it used to sound when he’d wake her up from a nap on the sun loungers in the villa. “Tim?”

“Hey mate, how was your nap?” Tim teased and she giggled on the other end.

“Great before some monster woke me up!” She readjusted herself and sat up. “Are you ok? You don’t normally call me out of the blue.” “Actually…” He trailed off not knowing how to start explaining things. “Wanna have a sleepover every night for an unknown amount of time?”

“Excuse me?” She was taken aback, Tim could tell by the way she laughed and he nervously laughed along as she questioned him. “What’s going on?”

“I think Jen and I broke up?” Reality was crashing down all around him and Tim felt himself start to break. “And I really need to spend time with a friend right now.”

“Oh Tim,” the tone of pity escaping her lips did nothing for him and a sob tore out of his throat. “When do you need me to pick you up? As soon as you need me, I’m there.” So, they planned that she would pick him up in three days and he was allowed to stay in her flat as long as he needed, all he needed was to buy some groceries from time to time.

After they finished their conversation, Tim started packing up his things, tentatively walking around Jen’s apartment while trying to gather up everything without running into her. He still had boxes left over from when he moved in and since Jenn didn’t like most of his decorating, all he really had to pack was some clothes and notebooks that held all the raps he wrote inside.

Sleeping on the uncomfortable leather couch Jen’s parents bought her for the next two night’s would be hell, but what got Tim through it was thinking about how he got to see his best friend soon.

When she pulled her car in front of the apartment complex later that week, it’s like a weight lifted off Tim’s shoulders and when she jumped out the car and wrapped her arms around his waist, Tim felt like a piece of his heart was put back in place.

“Oh my gosh I missed you so much.” He whispered, burying his head in her soft hair and she squeezed him tighter.

“I missed you too, Timye.” She responded, a teasing lilt in her voice as she brought back the nickname she gave him in the Villa. “Do you mind driving for a bit? I drove a long way here and I’m knackered. I need a little nap.”

Tim caught the car keys in his hand as she tossed them to him before bending to pick up a box full of clothes. “Yeah of course, I appreciate you coming to get me. Not many people would, to be honest.”

“Is that who I think it is?” Jen called out from the balcony and waved down at the girl standing next to Tim. “How’ve you been? It’s been forever hun!”

“I’m pretty good, yeah! Tim and I are gonna have a sleepover for a while! How are you, babe?” Tim saw Jen’s genuine smile drop off her face and get replaced with one of the fake ones, like the smile you plastered on your face when you ran into someone in the grocery store from primary school you never got along with but knew enough to exchange pleasantries. His stomach dropped as Jen’s cup of water got bumped by her elbow and the water poured over the railing, splashing onto his best friend.

“Oops, sorry hun! My mistake!” Jen nonchalantly waved off what she did and continued on. “I’m good, Levi’s gonna come visit me soon, want me to tell him you said hi?”

“Er, no that’s okay thanks, we’re not together anymore and haven’t really talked since we split.” Tim felt the girl stiffen next to him and he hurriedly moved to rush her to the car. “I think we need to go, we have a long drive and don’t want to be driving all night. Come on, I’ve got some spare clothes you can change into.” Without looking at Jen, Tim grabbed his last few boxes and shoved them haphazardly into the back of the car and jumped into the driver's seat. Glancing at the girl in a soaking wet tee shirt, he gestured to all his boxes in the back. “Go on mate, you’re soaked. Take some of my clothes for now.”

“Thanks,” she replied before unbuckling and leaning on the seat to dig through the boxes. Tim had to keep his eyes on the road and not think about the fact if he looked over to his left that her bum would be right there in his view, but telling himself not to think about that caused him to think about it more than not. It was a relief when she turned and sat herself back in her seat.

When Tim turned to steal a glance at her, her shirt was off and she was working on flipping one of his gray tees the right way. The car swerved as Tim did a double take. “Mate, put some clothes on, my god!”

She laughed and the sound put another piece of his heart back in place. “What? It’s not like you haven’t seen me in a bikini a million times before.”

“Yeah but seeing your undies just is… different.” Tim laughed at how ridiculous he sounded and he turned his attention back to the road. Once she had changed into some dry clothes, she propped her feet up on the dashboard and leaned her head on the window, eyes already closed.

Tim made sure to drive carefully and swerve softly to avoid any bumps that could have woken her up.

A week later, they were both sitting together on her dingy brown couch, her feet resting in Tim’s lap as he gently ran his hands over her calves before teasingly pinching one of her toes and making her squeal.

Once she had tucked her feet out of the way of Tim’s attacks, she turned to him. “Are you gonna tell me what happened between you and Jen that made you guys break up? Last we talked, you were considering buying a ring.”

Tim wasn’t sure how to explain, not really. So he said the only thing he could think. “Did you ever watch our season of Love Island?”

She shook her head no, so Tim got up to retrieve the TV remote sitting on its spot on the mantle and going to queue up the series, specifically the episode that caused Jen to voice her feelings about everything wrong with their relationship. “We were just going through the motions for the longest time, but we weren’t in love anymore. And then we watched this part of the series, and Jen just… she asked me if I was happy and I realized I wasn’t.”

Pressing play, Tim saw Cherry lean in to kiss Levi and the girl next to him tensed. “Tim? There better be a good reason you’re making me watch this. Because, ouch.”

He shushed her and pointed to the screen where Tim was now sitting on the beach hut chair, smiling at the camera. “What do I think about Cherry and Levi? Man, I hate what they did to her. Watching Levi pathetically graft on her for days and then when he got her he immediately pied her off? That’s shit, it really is. But after… when she came to me to comfort and just let me hug her for the longest time… At that moment, I swear it’s like everything hit me at once and in my brain I was like ‘mate, I’m in love with my best friend!’ and when I thought about Levi pieing her off like that, it drove me absolutely crazy.” The Tim on screen chuckled awkwardly as well as Tim did, the girl next to him had stilled, watching the TV intently. “Talia’s gonna help me come up with a plan to see if she’s interested in me, but I don’t think she is. That’s okay, Jen’s fit as hell and has been grafting on me some, so if it doesn’t work out I guess I have options! But this girl... she shines so bright, like a star. I don’t want to see her settle for someone who’s gonna burn out her bright light. She’s something special.” Tim’s best friend reached over and grabbed the TV remote, cutting off the rap he was currently spitting on screen.

“Tim,” she whispered, hand reaching blindly towards him. He offered his hand to her and his heart ached to meet her eye in that moment. As she grasped his hand tightly, Tim’s heart pounded intensely in his chest. “I never knew.”

“I know you didn’t. You seemed intent on making things work with Levi so I didn’t want to say anything and ruin our friendship and your relationship with him.” He squeezed her hand and she squeezed back. “Are you mad at me?”

“Yes!” Her voice came out in a shout and neither of them expected it, both of them jumping and looking at the other wish eyes wide open before bursting into laughter. When they had calmed down, she rephrased. “I’m mad at you because I wish you would have told me. It would have saved me from a lot of what I thought was one sided pining.”

She looked up to meet his eyes and he saw sincerity all over her face. “You’re serious? You loved me back?”

“Seeing you with Jen killed me. Levi even knew that. Dunno how we lasted so long outside of the villa, to be quite honest with you.” She sighed and let go of his hand. “He knew I had feelings for you up until the day we broke up.” Without responding, Tim moved so his body was laying across the couch, his upper half laying in her lap. Her hands absentmindedly dropped to his hair and started massaging his scalp. “Are you okay?”

He knew the tears in his eyes would threaten to fall as soon as he met her soft eyes but he did anyway and her fingers immediately moved to wipe the salty drops away. “I just… I forgot what it felt like to feel loved and all of a sudden everything crashed into me at once and I just… this may be stupid to say but I love you. I always have, since that day in the villa that I realized it, and probably even before. I love you. I love you so much.”

She took his face in her hands, and squished his cheeks and he sat up and did the same, both of them staring intently into the others eyes, studying each other like this was the first time they saw each other openly. “It may be stupid, but I love you too. Tim, I love you.”

Hearing her say his name in that sentence pieced the rest of his heart back together, helped him come to terms with the last year where he fell out of love with Jen. But no matter how long it has been, he was constantly in love with the girl sitting in front of him, and it may be stupid, but love makes you do stupid things,

Curling into her soft body, Tim felt more at home than he’d felt in the last year and he couldn’t believe how lucky he got, it was like he got his own shining star.

[bazwillendinflames]

Gravity Falls/LIS2 AU

The last place Sean wants to spend his Summer is in a weird town in the middle of no where, Oregon, reconnecting with a Mother who hadn’t wanted to see them in years in her weird tourist trap. But Daniel is determined to go and his Dad gives Sean little choice but to babysit him.

But soon it becomes clear there is more to Beaver Creek than meets the eye and the strangeness of the town soon unlocks some family secrets and strange abilities. Maybe their Summer won’t be so boring after all.

AO3 

“Lyla, I will die of boredom.” 

“It can’t be that bad,” she replied, her voice a little tinny still. The bad reception was just one of many reasons that Sean was having an awful time. (In the week and a half since they had arrived, he’d already made a list.) 

“Nope, it is exactly as bad as I’m saying.” 

“I mean, come on, you’re Mom’s there. What’s that like that?” 

Sean scowled. “Number one on reasons this place sucks. All she talks to us about is all this weird mystic stuff she likes. Her store is so weird, it’s all crystals and bad poetry.” 

Lyla snorted. “Really?” 

“Yep. Not to mention this is the whitest town ever.” He glanced out the window, where Karen was smoking, notebook in hand and ducked his head before she could spot him. “There are no cool people.” 

“Come on, you have Danny.” 

“I get enough babysitting at home thanks.” He glanced outside again, wondering exactly how long he could bitch on the phone for and call it a break. “Anyway, this place is just making Daniel weirder. He’s convinced this place is magic or something.” 

“That’s sweet. Hey, we used to play witches when we were kids, remember?”

“Hey, you were the witch, I was a manly wizard.” 

That time Lyla actually laughed. “Sure dude. I’ll believe it when I see it.” 

“Anyway, we were into the Harry Potter books, you know before terf-face ruined them. Daniel is into the ancient runes and fake spell cards Mo- Karen sells.” 

“That’s adorable.” 

“Ugh, only you could find him adorable. That’s only because Daniel doesn’t kick you in your sleep-” 

“Did Lyla call me adorable?” 

Sean sighed as Daniel barged in. Not much had changed since home tehre at least, apart from the fact they now shared Karen’s attic room. (Bunk beds, making the being kicked in the shin at night thing even more annoying.) 

“Hey, I’m kinda on the-” 

Daniel yanked the phone and rolled on the bed. “Hiiiiii Lyla. Do you miss us?” 

“Give me that back.” 

He wiggled out of his grap. “Did you know Sean talks in his sleep, it’s so weird-” 

“You would know about weird,” he grumbled, snatching his phone back, only to find the shitty signal had finally cut out on Lyla. “Dude.” 

“Sorry.” Daniel grinned at him. “Hey, I’m helping Mom restock, can you help me reach the top shelves?” 

He checked the time on his phone. He had almost managed a whole brother-free hour. 

“Guess I should I get back to work.” 

“Cool.” Daniel followed him downstairs, bouncing with energy. “Hey, Sean what does terf-face mean?” 

  Sean was stuck behind the register, although the store was still empty. He wasn’t sure why Karen insisted on such early opening hours when no one else showed up. 

He rubbed his eyes, the early start not helped by the fact Daniel had been reading with a torch all night. He had picked up a weird book from the store or something. Of course he would pick up a late night reading habit once they were sharing a room. 

“I brought you guys some toast.” Karen balanced the plate on the top of some unsold art books. (Her organization was as great as her parenting.) 

“Thanks Mom!” 

Sean poked at a black spot under a thick layer of peanut butter. “Yeah, thanks.” 

“I gotta do some inventory but I’ll be back up for lunch.” 

“Can we go to the cool diner? Chris says the milkshakes are great.” 

Karen smiled. “Yeah. Does that sound good Sean?” 

He grunted in response and her grin flickered. 

“Right, work. You boys got this.” 

“We’re not your boys,” Sean muttered, although she didn’t hear. 

“Why are you so mean to Mom?” Daniel asked, his mouth full of toast. “She’s always nice.” 

“Right, she’s been real nice the first nine years of your life.” 

Daniel looked up at him with big eyes. “Sean…” 

“Fine, I’ll try. Put those eyes away Bambi.” 

He smiled. “So, I was thinking the strawberry milkshakes are Chris’ favourite but I like chocolate more so you could get one and we could share?” 

“Huh, yeah, sure.” Sean had only been half listening, distracted by the newest customer. Waking up early suddenly had its appeal. The girl had matted purple hair, an arm full of tattoos and a guitar strapped to her back. She caught him looking and winked. 

“Are you okay Sean? You just went really red and-” 

“What? No. Shut up.” Sean moved into a more casual position, his eyes still fixed on the pretty girl. His elbow knocked the tip jar and it fell off the edge. “Shit-” 

“Here.” Daniel put it back. “Woah…” 

“Good catch Enano.” 

“Yeah. Catch! I totally caught it.” Daniel smiled a little suspiciously. “Hey, you said a swear, you owe me a dollar.” 

“A dollar? It’s only a quarter at home.” 

“Now we’re away from Dad, you’re supposed to be a good influence.” 

“You get a quarter.” Sean dropped the coin in his hand. “Be cool.” 

“What?” 

“Hey boys.” The purple-haired girl leaned against the other end of the counter, an easy smile on her face. Her voice had a faint Southern tang. “So, I come to this town every Summer and I don’t recognise either of you cuties.” 

“I- we- um-” 

His brother beat him to it. “I’m Daniel.” 

Cursing his stammering, he finally managed to introduce himself. “I’m Sean.” 

“Why hello. I’m Cassidy.” 

“Hi. Um, cool guitar. You play?” (Internally, Sean cringed: You play? Why else would she have a guitar?) 

“Yeah, funnily enough. I’m actually here to hand out flyers for my band’s show. Could you hang it up?” 

“Yeah.” Sean took the flyer. “Your show is this Friday?” 

“And every other Friday. You wanna come?” 

“I’m invited?” 

Cassidy laughed. “Yeah sure. It is a concert. You’re lucky you’re cute, City Boy.” 

“City boy?” 

“It’s on your sweatshirt idiot,” Daniel whispered. Seattle Track Meet, 2015. He was frowning in the general direction of Cassidy. “We’re busy Friday so-” 

“No. Nope, I’m not busy. Ignore him.” Sean flattened his hair. “I’ll be there Friday.” 

“I’ll look out for you City Boy. Nice to meet you.” 

Sean waited until Cassidy had left before pumping his fist. “Yes! She called me cute Dan!” 

“You’re the worst.” 

“What?” 

Daniel pouted. “You promised you’d take me camping in the woods Friday. I already brought us marshmallows and walkie-talkies.” 

“Hey, there is plenty of time to camp in those freaky woods. But I only have one chance with a girl like Cassidy.” 

“Wrong, you have zero chances with any girl.” Daniel stomped off to the corner of the store. “You’re the worst.” 

“Dan- come on.” His brother went back to ignoring him. Sean crossed his arms. “Fine. Be like that!” 

There was the only sound of a raspberry in response. 

  “Nope, I’m totally with Danny. That was a jerk move.” 

“What? Lyla, you’re supposed to be my hype man- er woman. You’re always trying to set me up on dates.” 

“Dude, three weeks ago you were so into Jenn.” 

He sighed. “And Jenn was into Derek Anderson. We had ice cream and everything.” 

“Dude, don’t fuck up your relationship with Danny over a dumb Summer romance.” 

Sean buried his head in his pillow. “You sound like my Dad.” 

“Go to this hippy girl’s show next time. You Danny will do the face.” 

“The Bambi face?” Sean groaned. “I have been facing the Bambi face all week.” 

Lyla scoffed. “Is there anything else to add?” 

“Fine. I’ll go camping. But only for the s’mores.” 

“Okay, brother of the year.” 

“Thanks jerk.” 

Lyla blew him an exaggerated kiss. “Aw, love you too.”

Sean grabbed his backpack, moving to shove in his hoodie and torch. Daniel had already shoved one of the walkie-talkies inside. 

“Calling little wolf, we are back on for camping.” 

There was nothing but static on the other end. Sean pocketed the walkie-talkie and headed downstairs, calling his brother’s name. There was no one in the kitchen and only Karen sitting in the living room, chewing on the edge of a pen. 

“Hey, have you seen Daniel?” 

Karen looked up. “Oh, I thought you already left? Daniel passed by twenty minutes ago with the sleeping bags.” 

“That little-” Sean wasn’t panicking, but he was maybe sweating a little more than he had been before. “Um, right. I just forget a…” he scanned the room and grabbed Daniel’s weird book, “scary story. Classic camping right?” 

“Oh. Have a nice time then.” Karen hesitated. “I know you’re not thrilled to be here. But I hope by the end of the Summer we can understand each other better. 

“Me too.” Sean tried to look as un-guilty as possible. “See you tomorrow Karen.” 

  “Daniel!” He yelled, running head first into the spooky mass of woodlands beyond their store. “Dan, I’m sorry okay. Quit hiding!” 

No answer. Sean went digging for the walkie-talkie, now glowing an eerie blue. 

“Dan?” 

The walkie-talkie crackled again- “Sean?” 

“Dan.” He let out a shaky breath. “Hey, I’m sorry I ditched you-” 

“Sean, help!” 

He was clutching the walkie-talkie so hard his knuckles went white. “What’s wrong? I’m coming okay. What’s happening?” 

“Creature- help- monster- ahh!” 

Sean scanned the trees around him, suddenly aware he was lost too. Daniel had been the one eager to explore the woods but he had said it was too creepy and now it seemed he was being proven right. 

“Sean- book- monster-” 

He dug around to find the weird book Daniel had been carrying around all week. He had assumed it was from one of Karen’s displays but now he was looking at it, the journal seemed too real to go with the modern witchcraft bullshit she was trying to sell. The cover was dark blue and the pages thick with drawings and polaroids. 

“Dan, I have the book, what do I need to look for? What is this thing?” 

“Page- tree- monster-” Daniel was breathing heavily. “Hear?” 

“I can hear you,” he said comfortingly, “I’m coming.” 

He held the torch in his teeth, flicking through pages until he came across a few marked with Daniel’s doodles and writing. He seemed to be studying telekinetic powers, complete with a superhero sketch: SUPER /DUDE DAN/ WOLF? ask Sean for name ideas

He finally came across the page that looked like a bush drawn with yellow eyes. 

Dangerous 

camouflage shape shifters 

Hard to photograph shush ma-

Likes dark 

Under the original writing Daniel had added his own note: babies in woods. 

“Hey,” Sean held up the walkie-talkie, “is it these moss creatures? What well?” 

“Sean!” This time Daniel’s voice was clearer, his voice steadier. 

“Dan. What happened? Please tell me you had a good reason to go into the woods alone without telling me or Karen.” 

“Come on, that’s it? Can you yell at me when I’m not being chased?” 

“Okay. I’m coming, where are you?” 

“Where are you?” 

“By some trees. There’s a sign for a lake?” 

“Go to the lake, I’ll meet you there.” Daniel was cut off by some more static. “Hey, stop chewing that Mushroom!” 

Sean followed the signs, hoping Daniel at least would know a way out. How did he know the woods so well already? Was Sean that much of a shitty brother he hadn’t noticed him running off into these haunted-ass woods? 

The lake slowly came into the view but it was empty. 

“Daniel? Dan?” 

The lake was weirdly normal, just muddy water and a few droopy looking frogs. Still, Sean was still on edge, swinging the heavy torch from hand to hand. The faster they got home, the better. 

His relative peace was interrupted by the rustling of tree branches and heavy footsteps. Daniel came barging through the trees, a small bundle of something wrapped in his checked shirt. Something was chasing him and fast- Sean barely had time to move out the way as Daniel crashed into him. Something big and fast ran past. 

“Sean!” Daniel threw himself into his arms. “I’m sorry, don’t yell at me.” 

“I’m not mad. But you did scare the shit out of me.” 

“Sean-” 

“Fine, you get a dollar, let’s just go-” 

“No, look.” 

Sean turned slowly, met with amber eyes and a large face of bark and weeds. The creature sniffed at him curiously. 

“Um-” 

Daniel hid behind him. “Any ideas?” 

“You have the stupid haunted book!” The creature snorted, blowing hot air in his face. “Wait, the book said-” Sean slowly moved for his pocket, finding Dad’s lighter. 

“Dan, on three, we run.” 

“One-” he reached for a branch, “two-” he flicked the lighter on, “three!” Sean held the flaming branch up the creature’s face, dragging Daniel out the way as it squirmed. “What, the light should have scared it off.” 

“Remember when you said you weren’t going to get mad?” 

Sean turned to him, as Daniel revealed the squirming mass of moss in his arms. 

“You stole it’s kid?” 

“I always wanted a puppy! She’s called Mushroom-” 

Seeing it’s child, the larger creature started inching slowly towards Daniel. 

“Put it down! We can’t keep this weird monster-baby!” 

“We bonded!” The larger creature nudged its nose towards the smaller one, poking his chest with a spikey horn. “Okay, I’ll give her back.” 

Daniel held out his arms, placing the small creature on the floor. It wiggled a loose vine that could almost be a tail and followed its parents into the woods. 

Sean punched him in the arm. “That’s for trying to adopt an actual monster.” 

Daniel rubbed his arm. “Ouch.” 

Sean pulled him into a hug. “And that’s for scaring the shit out of me. I’m glad you’re okay though.” 

“Me too.” Daniel smiled. “Hey, now you owe me two dollars!” 

  After all the excitement, the brothers’ settled on camping in Karen’s yard. 

“So, you found that spooky book in a tree and didn’t think to tell me?” 

“You were being the worst!” 

Sean laughed. “Okay, I deserve that. But, next time you find a weird monster thing, tell me. We’re in this together.” 

“Okay promise.” Daniel threw another marshmallow at him. “Sorry I made you miss your concert. I guess Cassidy wasn’t that bad.” 

“Hey, I saved your butt, that’s more important.” Sean took a bite out a s’more. “Hey, there isn’t anything else you’re not telling me right?” 

“Actually,” Daniel held out his hand, a marshmallow hoovering a few inches above his palm. “Surprise?” 

(A boring Summer suddenly looked so much more appealing.)

[hsmtmts-fangir1]

Just For A Moment part 7 (Ricky Bowen x Reader)

Masterlist

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / PART 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / 

“You ready?” Y/N asked as she walked into Joe’s room and saw that he was struggling to tie his shoes. “You need help bubba?” Y/N asked as she bent down to do it for him. She made sure that she did it slowly so he could see how. “Thank you, mommy,” Joe said when she was done. “Let’s go.” Y/N smiled picking Joe and left the house.

They arrived at East High when she saw Gina walking in. “GINA” Y/N yelled walking up to her. “Oh hey Y/N and Joe”  Gina smile when they catch up. “I see that you straighten your hair for the picture.” Y/N smile looking at Gina’s hair. “I know, I thought that it would be nice, you know” Gina replied. “Well, it looks amazing” Y/N comment. “You look very pretty,” Joe said shyly. “Aww thank you.” Gina smiled at Joe.

They walked into the dressing rooms. “You should get dressed. I’m going to see if Carlos or anyone needs my help.” Y/N said walking into the auditorium. She saw Big Red and Carlos setting everything up. “What’s up,” Y/N said as she put Joe down. “Y/N I see that you brought your little wildcat” Carlos smiled as Joe ran to Big Red. “I just thought he would enjoy this. Seeing everyone in costume.” Y/N smiled as she saw Nini and Kourtney talking with Joe. “Okay, people, let’s do this!” Ricky yelled as he walked in.  Everyone just started to laugh at him. Even Joe looked a bit scared at Ricky’s wig. “Joe do you think I look good,” Ricky asked as he bent down as Joe jumped into his arms. “You look scary but it’s okay” Joe replied as he pokes at Ricky wig, while everyone laughs at Joe’s words.  Ricky picks him and puts him on his hip. “Hey if Joe says that it’s okay then it’s okay” Ricky tickles Joe’s sides making Joe laugh and hides his face into Ricky’s neck.

“Let’s get some air, Wildcats” Gina spoke, posing in front of the camera in which Red took a picture. “Good morning, Gina.” Ricky walked up to Gina while still having Joe in his arms. Gina turned to him and started to laugh. “Pretty good, right?” Ricky replied. “Troy, you look the best”  Gina replied, “Thank you. I try” answer while flipping his hair. Y/N walked up to them. “I should take Joe,” Y/N said, while Ricky handed Joe to her. Gina smiled at them. Even when Ricky was giving Joe back to Y/N. They looked like a family.

At the dance, Ricky apologized. Then Ricky gave her a ride to her house. In the car, they talked about Y/N. Ricky confessed about his feelings towards Y/N ever since he caught Y/N and Ashlyn singing, along with how he thinks Joe could be his. He even told her the timeline. Gina was convinced but had told Ricky, not to get his hopes up just in case Joe wasn’t his. But right now, she could see it.

“Okay, guys. We’re gonna get one in for practice, okay” Red spoke, Y/N gave Gina a wink and walk to stand next to Carlos.  “We’re all gonna jump on the of three,” Red instructed.  Everyone gets themself in line. “Ready? “ Red said. The first shot wasn’t good since Kourtney was still fixing EJ’s pants. Then come on the second shot, everyone was confused and Seb broke a heel. Making Carlos call for a five.    

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The next day, they were in the cafeteria. They found out about Miss. Jenn, that night they met at Big Red’s house and made a plan.  So now they are waiting for the signal. Until Ricky’s dad spoke, “Excuse me.” He stood up. Ricky looked up in shock. “I’m sorry, We’re not opening up the floor to parents on this” Principal Gutierrez replied. “Let him speak,” One of Nini’s mom spoke. “Go ahead, Mister Bowen” he sighed. “I’m a little late to this party, but I gotta say the real crime here would be booting a teacher who’s making a positive impact. I’ve never seen my kid this invested in anything, and I don’t think that’s something we should punish your… Honor” Ricky’s dad said. Y/N nudged Ricky’s shoulder, making him look at her. “Your dad is amazing, just like you” Y/N whisper, making Ricky smile at her. “Mister Bowen, I appreciate your statement, but I think we can all agree that theater isn’t unique in this regard. It doesn’t have some special fairy dust that can’t be filled by another extracurricular. ” Principal Gutierrez replied. That’s when Kourtney started.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Y/N was with her Eugene and Joe outside, celebrating the victory of getting Miss. Jenn to stay. Ricky was walking outside with Gina, when he stopped when he saw Y/N with Joe. Gina looked over at what he was seeing. “You know, you won’t know until you asked,” Gina spoke. ”What if he isn’t mine and I’m just getting attached to him for nothing.”Ricky questioned. “What if he is yours” Gina questioned. “I don’t know Gina, I’m kinda scared of the answer. I mean, if he is mine, I lost three years with him and what if Y/N doesn’t want me to be in Joe’s life that why she didn’t tell me. Or what if he isn’t, I just got attached to him and I got my hopes up just for him to crash now. I like Y/N more than a friend's way, what if me asking pushing her away. I mean last night after we left Red’s house. I had a dream where all three of us are a family. We had a house together and even a dog. What if all of that is just inside my head?What if we’re just like my parents build to fall. ” Ricky ranted with tears in his eyes as he spoke.  ”Look I can see Y/N has feelings for you. I mean you can’t fake that. Your parents are another story. It doesn’t have to be your story. “ Gina spoke, making Ricky wipe his tears away. “Go and find out” Gina pushed towards Y/N.

Ricky walked up to Y/N and Joe as her brother walked away. “RICKY” Joe yelled excited as he saw Ricky walking up over Y/N’s shoulder. Y/N turn and saw Ricky. “Hey” Y/N put Joe down for him to run up Ricky. Joe quickly ran to Ricky and threw himself in Ricky’s open arms. Ricky picked him up. “Did you enjoy the small show?” Ricky asked, Joe quickly nodded his head. “He loved it.” Y/N replied smiling. “Well, I’m glad” Ricky smiled as he stared into Joe’s brown eyes. “So…” Y/N started but Eugene came up again. “Y/N, do you want me to take Joe home for his nap before dinner,” Eugene asked as he met Ricky’s eye. “Hey, Eugene, Y/N older brother” Eugene raised his hand for Ricky to shake which Ricky did.  “Ricky Bowen”. “Sure take him.” Y/N answer looking at Eugene. Ricky gave Joe to Eugene. “Bye bubba. I love you and I will see you at home okay” Y/N kissed Joe’s forehead. “Okay,” Joe whispered. “Bye Ricky” Joe called out waving at him. “Bye, little man” Ricky waved back.

“Can we talk?” Ricky asked looking at Y/N. “Sure,” Y/N answered, sitting down on a bench. Ricky follows her. “Look I know that this might be a bit bold of me to ask but where is Joe’s father?” Ricky asked nervously. “Why do you want to know?” Y/N question crossing her arms. “Because I remember that New Year’s party, where you and I had sex,” Ricky replied making Y/N stand up. Ricky stood up. “Look, Ricky-” Y/N started but Ricky was quick to speak up.

“I did the math, It leads to that party. Please Y/N I need the truth because I’m slowly falling for Joe and you. That party was the first night where Nini wasn’t in my mind and you were. After that night I convinced myself that it wasn’t real. That I made you in my mind. But when I caught you and Ashlyn singing, you been in my mind, non-stop. Whenever I see you and Joe, I go crazy at just the thought of Joe being my son and you being my girlfriend. And us being together and just being a family. I swear that Nini or anyone doesn’t compare to you. I have been going crazy not knowing. If he is, I swear that I’m not mad. I just want to know why you didn’t tell me. Was it that I left before you wake up? Were you scared to tell me? Was it that I had something for Nini? Was it me? Did you not want me in Joe’s life? “ Ricky ranted breathing hard. Y/N just let the tears fall.

“We didn’t know each other. We just hooked up, I was scared for a lot of reasons. Everyone knew you and Nini had feelings for each other. I didn’t want to ruin that. I had a crush on you since the fifth grade but you didn’t notice me. So I just thought that you forgot or chose to forget that night. I continued with my life.” Y/N spoke meeting Ricky’s eyes.

“Wait Joe is mine?” Ricky asked getting closer to Y/N. “Yes,” Y/N whispers nodding. Ricky just smiled and hugged her. Y/N was shocked at Ricky’s action. “You’re not mad?” Y/N asked, pulling away from the hug. “No, I can’t because I can see where you come from,” Ricky answered. “I’m sorry that I kept him from you.” Y/N apologize. Ricky shook his head. “Don’t say sorry. I get it but it's just, I really want to be part of his life. I want him to know that I’m his dad.” Ricky replied shyly. “We can tell him when you want to. Just tell me when and we can do it or if you want to do it alone. It’s fine.” Y/N answer. Ricky smiles and nods. “I want to do it together. Maybe I can take you guys out and we can do it” Ricky suggests shyly. “Whatever you want. But can we hold off telling anyone from drama please?” Y/N asked which Ricky nodded. “Of course” Ricky replied.

[aloscreevey]

— a codependent, messy, everyone has f*cked friend group

hello! i’m requesting this group of friends for bibi. honestly, they’re kind of a wild card group and i’m leaving descriptions as bare bone as possible to give everyone as much wiggle room as possible with them!

the bulk of the group formed during college (probably at George Washington University or whatever the equivalent of a local state college is) - with the exception of bibi and ava (names are just placeholders btw!) who have been friends since they were about thirteen years old. the group sort of just... came together out of coincidence of circumstances. 

there’s a lot of intertwining and bibi is guilty of having “homie hopped” between like, almost everyone. 

the dynamic of the group definitely is newer than most relationships in their lives but since they came to be in college, i feel like they really stuck together because... it’s nice to have friends and friends that are different from you too, right? everyone wants to be apart of something and sometimes you meet people through weird but hilarious ways and then after a while, you just begin to understand them? and love them? and that’s nice?

alright i will stop talking in circles lmfao - once again, i’m trying to make this as free as possible but i’ve included slight info about history bc i live for drama but everyone is free to do Whatever the Heck they want i PROMISE

okay please indulge me and feel free to holler or message me on discord (jenn#9013) if you wanna be apart of this :)

AVA— [ 21/22, face claim, played by alex ] AVA and bibi have known each other since the first day of seventh grade - bibi asked ava for a tampon and the two of them have been attached at the hip ever since. they love each other, they do, but as teens, they found themselves competing with the other more often than not. they’re both extremely vocal about their feelings, and getting into frustratingly petty fights is not uncommon with them. ava and JOHN met sophomore year through bibi, and they began seeing each other exclusively not too long after that. the couple’s been together for almost three years now, happily than ever, but bibi’s been acting strange lately. ava’s begun to convince herself that bibi’s trying to come between her relationship with john - and it’s making ava kind of be mean to her. in actuality, bibi has begun to realize her feelings for ava aren’t just platonic.

JOHN— [ 21/22, face claim, played by open ] JOHN and bibi slept together after meeting at a party as sophomores- bibi snuck out of his dorm early morning but ran into his two roommates CONNOR and DANIEL, and their friend, ELLA, who invited bibi to go to brunch with them. bibi obliges, and tells ava to come too - and bibi drunkenly suggests that john and ava see each other. despite them having slept together, john and bibi’s relationship has never been “awkward”, quite bro-y and slightly competitive for ava’s attention.

CONNOR— [ 23/24, face claim, played by analese ] connor and ELLA were casually dating for a while but due to connor’s tendency of “slipping up” the two of them decided to end things. it hasn’t been easy, but they’ve remained “friends” with occasional benefits. connor still has feelings for ella but hasn’t been able to express them properly to her.

ELLA— [ 21-24, face claim, played by celine ] so... funny enough - ella and bibi had a curious but short lived fling that started up a little after her break up with connor. while it probably wasn’t that deep to either of them, it was a huge wake up call for bibi about her sexuality! good ole el. ella also hooked up with daniel a couple of times... and OKAY that one was a little bit of a “fuck you” to connor. currently, ella has begun to see an older person (open gender!) and while everyone wants to be supportive of her decisions (except for connor and daniel, tbh) they’re having a hard time understanding them.

DANIEL— [ 22-24, face claim, played by open ] daniel’s a sweetie - though he’s often overlooked due to his reserved nature, he’s the group’s Go To Guy. he’s actually quite fine with his business being his. he’s always had a thing for ella, and the two have even hooked up a few times. daniel could see something starting up between them, but it seems hopeless as long as connor’s still in the picture. he and bibi have also entertained each other a couple (dozen) times as they do enjoy each other’s company and they both know what it’s like to be on the other end of unrequited love.

[xuxibelle]

Leave

Pairing: Alex Høgh Andersen x Reader

Word count: 3,667

Warnings: angst, fluff, light cursing, Marco Ilsø

Requested: Yes! by a wonderful Anon 

Summary: Alex is away filming… What happens when Y/N sees someone putting stories on his snapchat?

When you went into this relationship, you knew being with Alex would have it’s ups and downs mainly because of his job, but you were prepared to deal with it. Now you’ve been together for nearly two years and there’s been just as many good times as there have been bad ones, but you wouldn’t trade it for the world. You knew you loved him and that wasn’t about to change. You were supposed to go out with some friends for lunch when you got a notification on your phone from snapchat. You decided to check it before you went to go get ready. Alex was away for work, filming a new movie in England and wouldn’t be back for at least another 3 weeks. Someone had his phone and was posting pictures and videos of Alex and other cast members out drinking and dancing at a club. You felt your heart sink when you saw random girls hanging all over him and him not doing anything to push them away, especially when the blonde climbed in his lap and wrapped her arms around him. You decided you didn’t want to go to lunch and texted your friends, telling them you weren’t feeling well and you’d meet them next time. One of the friends you were supposed to meet with happens to be dating one of Alex’s best friends, so when you cancelled last minute, of course she was worried. Unbeknownst to you, she texted her boyfriend after she got your text and asked him to check on you. You had already curled up on the couch under a warm blanket and turned on Netflix before you got his text.

Marco: Hey… Jenn said you cancelled last minute. You ok?

Y/N: Yep. I’m fine

He knew just from the way you texted him that something was up.

Marco: No you’re not. Tell me what’s going on

Y/N: Nothing’s going on. I’m fine.

Marco: I don’t believe you

Y/N: you don’t have to. But I am

Marco: Then open your door…

Your heart sank as you turned your head towards your door. You should have known he would be on his way over here if Jenn said anything to him. You curse under your breath as you walk to open the door and let him in.

“See, I can tell just by looking at you that something is wrong…” he says as he walks in and shuts the door behind him, following you to the couch. You look at him as he sits on the opposite end. “Stop pretending you’re okay… Cause I know you’re not… Just talk to me.” You could feel the tears starting to form but you forced them to stay down as you let out a heavy sigh and looked at him.

“I don’t think he loves me anymore,” you tell Marco quietly as you watch his eyes widen.

“What?! Why would you say that?? Of course he does!” he says in disbelief.

“Then why does he have all these girls hanging all over him?” you ask. You watch as his brow creases in confusion.

“Wha… how do you mean? What are you talking about?” he asks you. You pick up your phone and pull up the app before you hold it over to him, letting him see the pictures and videos. “Oh…”

“Yea… so don’t tell me there’s nothing to worry about,” you say angrily.

“I wasn’t… I’m not sure what to say in his defense, honestly, except that I do know that he does love you very much,” Marco tells you. You couldn’t hold the tear that slipped past your eye as you sniffled and shook your head.

“I don’t believe it,” you tell him. You take a breath before you look at Marco. “Look, I know you’re trying to be a good friend to both of us, and I really appreciate that, and you know I love you for it and everything that you do, but I just need to be alone right now,” you say quietly. He nods his head in understanding.

“You know where I’ll be if you need anything,” he tells you as he stands up and kisses the top of your head before he leaves. You curl back up in your blanket and return your attention to Netflix to try to distract yourself. You’re waiting to hear from Alex, because you know Marco will say something to him since he saw the pictures, but so far nothing. A few hours into your Netflix binge, you hear your phone go off. When you look at the notification, you see that it’s a text from Alex.

Alex: Babe, you ok? Marco said you weren’t feeling well or you were upset?

Y/N: I’m fine

Alex: Y/N... I know you’re not… You always say ‘I’m fine’ when something’s bugging you.

Alex: Please, just talk to me, love

Y/N: Shouldn’t you be with her?

Alex: What… What are you talking about?

Y/N: I can’t keep doing this…

Alex: Can’t keep doing what? ...Y/N, please

You didn’t text him back after that, you needed some time to clear your head so you go for a walk. A couple hours later, you come back to the living room and pick up your phone to see a few more texts from Alex and Marco, along with a few missed calls as well. You texted Marco back first, letting him know you just went on a walk without your phone and you were alive before you texted Alex back.

Y/N: What do you want

Almost immediately, there was a response.

Alex: Are you ok? Where were you?

Y/N: I’m fine. I went for a walk and left my phone here.

Alex: Can we talk now?

Y/N: I don’t think I’m ready yet…

You sat your phone back on the table and walked to your bedroom to change into your pajamas. Once you were comfortably in the bed, you laid on your back and stared at the ceiling for what felt like hours, but in reality was only half an hour. You tossed and turned, but you just couldn’t fall asleep. It was like Alex was everywhere… You could still smell him on his pillow, something you used to love. Letting out a heavy sigh, you change back into some comfy clothes and pack a small bag before you grab your phone and drive to a friends house. Knocking on the door, you wait patiently until you hear footsteps coming closer.

“Y/N… It’s late… are you okay?” Marco asked you as he looked at you with worry.

“Yea,” you nod with a small smile. “I can’t sleep… Can I stay here?” you ask quietly.

“Of course,” he tells you as he opens the door for you to walk in. You sit your bag by the stairs before you sit on the couch. “You want to talk about it?” he asks you as he sits on the other side of you.

“I just needed time away from him and it was like he was every where… I could still smell him on his pillow,” you say quietly as you feel a tear slip past your eye.

“Y/N,” you hear Marco say softly as he pulls you into a comforting hug and rubs a hand up and down your back. “Everything’s gonna be okay. I can promise you that.” You shake your head at him.

“How do you know that?” you ask.

“Because I know Alex… And I know how he really feels about you… He wouldn’t do something to intentionally hurt you like that. There’s got to be a reason,” Marco tells you emphatically.

“A reason… to let girls climb all over him… and put it on social media… without warning me?” you scoff as you roll your eyes.

“It was dumb, yes but… Maybe he didn’t have a choice. It could have been a last minute thing?” Marco suggests. “Let’s just not jump to any conclusions until you talk to Alex, yea?”

“Okay…” you say quietly.

“Why don’t you try to get some rest?” Marco tells you as he nods towards the rooms down the hall. You nod your head in agreement as you stand from the couch and begin to walk towards where you had sat your bag and pick it up before you walk to the guest room. Once you’re again finally comfortable in bed, you lie on your back and stare at the ceiling. Thankful that you finally couldn’t smell him on the linens, you curled up in the middle of the bed and tried your best to fall asleep. It didn’t happen at first, but eventually it did. You wake up the next day around 10:30 before you stretched and climbed out of bed to get dressed. Stuffing your things in your bag, you walked into the living room to see Marco on the couch watching TV.

“Thanks for letting me crash. I’m gonna head home,” you tell him.

“You sure? You know you can stay here as long as you need,” he tells you. You nod your head.

“Yea, I need to deal with things I guess,” you give him a small smile. He walks over and gives you a hug before he walks you to the door and watches until he is sure you are in your car. Back at your place, you walk in and sit you bag by the door with your shoes before you head to the couch and turn the TV on. There’s a text on your phone from an unknown number. Curious to see what it was, you open the message to see a picture of Alex and the same blonde girl kissing and you feel your stomach sink yet again. You had wanted to believe what Marco said, but after this… You saved the picture and sent it in a text to Marco.

Y/N: img attached. There must be a reason, right?

Marco: What the fuck is that?

Y/N: You tell me

Marco: Where did you get it?

Y/N: Someone sent it to me

Marco: Who sent it

Y/N: an unknown number

Marco: Y/N, look, that person is obviously trying to start shit. That picture is either fake or she kissed him. I’m telling you, he wouldn’t do that to you.

Unbeknownst to you, Marco was also texting Alex at the same time.

Marco: Dude shit just hit the fan here. What the fuck happened

Alex: what now?

Marco: img attached

Alex: Fuck me… yea, friend of a friend. She got too drunk and I was the only sober person in the group. I was trying to be nice and help keep an eye on her. She shoved her tongue down my throat.

Marco: Thank god… I told Y/N you wouldn’t do that to her

Alex: Y/N’s seen this….?

Marco: she’s the one that sent it to me

Alex: where’d she get it?

Marco: unknown number

Alex: and she probably stopped responding by now.

Marco: Naturally

Alex: try to keep an eye on her. I’ll be home soon.

Marco: How?

Alex: I’ll ask them if I can take the weekend off. If not I’ll have you call me later with a family emergency.

Marco: smart man lol be safe.

Alex: I’ll text you when I leave

Marco kept trying to text you but you ignored your phone and just stayed in your bed. Sooner than he expected, Marco got the text from Alex that his flight left in a couple hours and he’d be home soon. Of course, Alex asked him not to tell you he was coming. Once his plane landed, he let Marco know he was there and he tried texting you again before he went to your place. You had given him a key a while back, so he just let himself in quietly. Sitting his bag down by the door and taking his shoes off, he noticed the television and all the lights were off meaning you were probably still in the bedroom. He quietly walked down hallway towards your room, trying not to make any sounds. Once he got to your room, the door was already open. He could see you were still asleep, so he walked in as quietly as he could and kneels beside the bed, facing you. You looked peaceful while you slept, he loved that so much. Even on your toughest days at work, his favorite thing was watching you when you took a nap curled up beside him. He swore he’d never get tired of seeing that. He raised a hand up and rested it against your face, thumb brushing back and forth across your cheek. He sees your eyes flutter and waits for you to wake up. He presses a kiss to your forehead just as you begin to flutter your eyes open. You suck in a sharp breath of air.

“What are you doing here?” you ask in shock.

“You wouldn’t talk to me,” he explains.

“So you just left the movie set?” you ask.

“Basically. Told them I needed the weekend to do some personal things,” he tells you as he watches your eyes. Your eyes were what drew him to you when you first met… he always said he could get lost in your eyes… “You wanna stay in here or go to the living room… You know we have to talk, love,” he asks you.

“Living room,” you tell him before you climb out of bed and walk to the couch. He takes the seat beside you and faces you.

“Do you want me to go first or was there something you wanted to say before I started?” he asked you.

“I thought you loved me…” you say quietly as you look at the floor. He takes your hand in his and tries to get you to look at him.

“Please look at me…” he begs before you finally turn your eyes to meet his. “I wasn’t lying when I said that I loved you. I do love you… very much.” You shake your head as you hold back the tears.

“Not if that happened,” you tell him.

“Y/N… she was drunk and I was the only sober one in our group. I was trying to keep an eye on her and she got too handsy, even when I told her repeatedly to stop. She forced her tongue down my throat… That was not a consensual kiss by any means…” Alex explains. You feel the tear spill over the edge as you let out a sigh.

“You still could have pushed her away… I know how strong you are, but yet you let it happen,” you quietly say as you take your hands back and lay them in your lap.

“You don’t think I tried?” he asks you in disbelief.

“I don’t know what to think anymore, if I’m honest,” you say as you shake your head. Neither of you say anything for a few minutes before you stand up and walk around as you think. You turn and walk towards the door before you hear Alex speak again.

“Please don’t walk out that door…” you hear him say with a waiver in his voice.You feel your resolve beginning to break but you took a breath and kept walking out into the hallway of Marco’s building. A few seconds later, you hear Alex come out behind you. “Y/N…! Please…! You have to believe me! You know I love you.”

“How am I supposed to know that right now?” you asked with a shaky voice as you spun to face him, tears running down your cheeks. “I’ve always trusted you. I’ve never doubted anything between us until now…”

“I’m sorry… I don’t know what else to say,” he says quietly. “It’s cold… you should take my jacket,” he says as he wraps his jacket around your shoulders. You take a deep breath as you look at the ground and think before you look up and met his eyes again.

“Maybe… you should go,” you say barely above a whisper. You hear him take in a sharp breath as he looks at you.

“You don’t mean that…” he says quickly.

“I do,” you say with a nod as you hand him his jacket. “And it’s probably a good idea if you don’t come back right now,” you add on before you walk past him back into Marco’s apartment and into the guest bedroom, shutting the door behind you before you collapse on the bed. You hear footsteps in the living room, mumbled voices for a few minutes and then a slammed door that made you cry harder than you were already before you heard a knock on the bedroom door.

“Y/N… It’s me. Can I come in?” You hear Marco call.

“Sure,” you say as loud as you can bring yourself to make your voice.

“Hey… How you feeling?” he asks you sympathetically as he sits beside you on the bed and rubs a hand across your back.

“Like shit,” you half laugh as you look up at him.

“Wanna talk?” he asks you.

“I don’t know if I believe him or not…” you say quietly as you bite your lip. “I want to so badly… You know how much I love him.”

“I do… That’s what makes this so hard on everyone,” he tells you. He lets out a sigh as he looked away from you and then back to you. “You know he wouldn’t do anything like this, right?” he asks before you nod your head. “You didn’t see him when he left, Y/N… He was broken. I’ve never seen him like that. Can you tell me what happened? He wouldn’t talk to me.”

“The last thing I said was for him to never come back…” you said half sobbing as you covered your mouth and shook your head.

“Oh god… Y/N… you didn’t really mean it, did you?” Marco asked you with a sympathetic look.

“....no. Of course not… You of all people should know that,” you tell him.

“We need to find him…” Marco tells you. “Help me?” You nod as you try to collect yourself enough to stand and walk from the room. You try to call his phone and it goes straight to voicemail.

“Alex, please call me back. I didn’t mean it. I don’t want you to leave… I need you to stay… with me, ...please,” you say through tears as you leave your message, hoping he’ll turn his phone back on soon as you and Marco drive through the town looking for him.

“What about your place?” Marco asked.

“You think he’d go to my place?” you ask in disbelief.

“Maybe,” he tells you.

“Worth a shot,” you agree as he makes the turn down your street. You look at Marco when he pulls into your parking lot and you spot his car. “Bingo,” you say.

“I’ll be here till you text or call and let me know something, okay?” Marco tells you as you nod. As you take the elevator to your floor, you run over what you’re going to say to him in your head, then you think it over again and decide it’s a better idea to just wait and talk. You try the door handle and it’s unlocked, so you walk in and see the lights all off.

“Alex?” you call to the seemingly empty apartment. You hear something shuffling down the hall.

“Y/N?” you hear barely above a whisper. You walk down the hall and into the bedroom where you heard the voice. “What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same thing… This is my apartment” you say sarcastically.

“Figured you’d be at Marco’s,” Alex says with a sigh as he sits back down on the bed. You sit in front of him and take his hands as you look at him.

“I was only there because too many things here reminded me of you… I could still smell you on your pillow,” you confessed.

“Then why are you here now? You told me to leave…” he reminds you.

“You turned your phone off… I left you a message,” you tell him. He eyes you warily before he reaches for his phone and turns it back on, listening to the message. You watch him bite his lip as he tries to hold back the tears forming in his eyes. You take the phone from his hands and toss it on the bed. “Marco and I talked when you left… He was trying to calm me down… and he helped me realize… that I was… just overreacting. I don’t want you to leave… ever. I love you way too much to ever tell you to leave. I know you would never do anything like what happened on purpose… and I’m so incredibly sorry for causing this stupid mess… All I wanted was for you to be happy… and if that meant you being with someone else, then I was prepared to do that for you,” you said as you let the tears in your eyes fall. He leaned his forehead against yours as he smiled and slightly shook his head.

“There is no one else but you, love… When I’m with you, I’m happy…” he says barely above a whisper before he presses a soft kiss to your lips, followed by another… and then one more. He pulls you close in a hug as he wraps his arms around you and you wrap yours around him. Nuzzling his face against your neck, you can feel the vibrations from his voice against you when he speaks. “Please don’t leave me again…” he begs quietly making you giggle just as quietly.

“Never…” you tell him as you pull back and press a kiss to his temple. “I love you,” you say as your eyes meet his. You watch as the smile grows on his face.

“And I love you… Always,” he tells you, his smile never leaving his face.

@nerdraging4point0 /  @bringmethehorizonandpizza​  /  @sunshine112  /  @summernykole  /  @empressdreams / @justasmisunderstoodasloki / @bisexual-sk8r /  @devildisguiseasangel​ / @fanficparker / @ghalakgx / @carlya65 / @ivaraddict​ / @dangerousvikings​ / @lisinfleur​ / @honestsycrets

[puckinghell]

Stars and Supernovae | December

Summary: As soon as you meet Tyler Seguin, you know you’re destined to be best friends. Sometimes you wonder if you’re destined to be more, but life keeps getting in the way. Perhaps it’s just not written in the stars? Note: This is Part 5. Part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4

It was nearly Christmas and although there was no snow in Dallas, it was starting to get a little bit colder; cold enough for you to be freezing as you stood outside your best friend’s house, in just a hoodie, leaning against your car.

He was late. Normally, you wouldn’t care as much; you would just go inside his house and cuddle the dogs until he was ready. But it wasn’t like that, anymore. Because you didn’t know if Sabrina was in there, and she didn’t like it when you used your key.

It had gone gradually. When they first started dating, Tyler would call and text you a little less, but you still saw him often enough, as he kept your regular murder documentary nights and dog hikes, and you figured if you had to share him, you could do it. 

But then he started cancelling, sometimes. Sabrina had asked him to an event, Sabrina wanted to stay home that night, Sabrina wanted him to go with her to see friends. Whatever Sabrina wanted to do, you weren’t invited. When she was at home, she was nice to your face, but it all felt fake, and you had to bite your tongue to stop yourself from screaming. 

You knew she was actively trying to get you away from Tyler, and for the life of you you didn’t know why. You’d never tried to stop him from dating her, quite the opposite, actually, you’d always tried to include her when she was around. If she made Tyler happy, then you wouldn’t ruin that for him. Even now, as you felt him pulling away from you, you knew you were going to just let it happen, because he was a grown man and he had to make his own choices. 

But that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. The only thing that made you feel a bit better was when you went to Stars games and Andrea, Jenn and some of the other WAGs welcomed you like part of the family, while simultaneously ignoring Sabrina. They clearly liked you better. And yet, not even that could lift your spirits, as you shot another look at your watch.

When he’d texted you, with just the simple words Netflix night tonight at 9? your heart had thumped with happiness. Even if Sabrina would be there - which you certainly hoped not - you would get to see your best friend and that would be worth it. That happiness was now fading, as it was 9:15, and there was no sight of Tyler’s car. The lights in his house were all off except for the ones in the living room, which meant that either Sabrina was here or Tyler had just left a light on for the dogs. It was 9:25 when you were contemplating going home, and that’s when Tyler’s truck pulled into the driveway.

“I’m so sorry I’m late!” he called out as he jumped out of his car. He practically ran towards you. “Why aren’t you inside? God, you must be freezing.” His hands came to your arms and rubbed, a worried line edged into his face.

“I didn’t wanna use my key in case Sabrina is here,” you told him, your teeth clattering. “I know she doesn’t like it when I just come in unannounced.”

A strange look came over Tyler’s face, and for a second it looked like he was going to say something, but then he shook his head and started guiding you towards his front door. He unlocked it and pushed you inside, three dogs immediately jumping towards you.

“I missed you too,” you told Gerry, who was excitedly licking your shoes.

“I’m going to light the fire,” Tyler said, “please put the kettle on and get yourself some tea. We need to warm you up.”

“I’m not dying of hypothermia,” you muttered, but you kicked off your shoes and made your way to the kitchen, your sock-covered feet soft on the hardwood floors. When you returned to the living room, two cups of tea in your hands, Tyler had lit the fire and was already sitting on the couch. He reached out for you and you handed him his tea before crawling onto the couch next to him. 

You hadn’t expected him to, weren’t even really paying attention to him as your eyes were already on the tv, where the Netflix logo was shining at you, but suddenly Tyler’s hands found your waist and he pulled sharply, causing you to fall against his chest. Seemingly not content with that position, Tyler hooked his leg under one of yours and pulled it towards him, tangling his legs with yours. He hummed approvingly and pulled a soft blanket over your bodies.

“Again, I’m not dying.” But your voice didn’t sound very convincing even to your own ears. Tyler’s arms wrapped around you and you hoped to God he couldn’t feel your heart beating the way you could feel it, because that would be embarrassing.

“I’m so sorry I was late,” he said softly against your hair. “I was out with Sabrina, and then I brought her home and I made the mistake of telling her that she couldn’t come back with me cause you were going to be there, and then she got mad and it took a while before I could leave.”

You groaned. “Oh God, now she’s going to hate me even more!”

“She doesn’t hate you.” But Tyler’s voice was unsteady, as if he wasn’t so sure of his own words. “What do you want to watch?”

You shrugged. “It’s entirely possible that I’m going to fall asleep within half an hour, so you pick.”

“Tough day?” You thought about your exam, that had gone horribly, and about your work, where you’d spilled a freshly made hazelnut latte all over yourself, and sighed.

“You could say that.”

Tyler put on a documentary that you were pretty sure you’d seen already, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care, as Gerry jumped onto the couch and planted his butt right in your lap. You groaned, but pulled the puppy closer. Cash jumped on the other side of the couch and Marshall went to sleep under your feet, and you felt so comfortable and safe and happy. The knowledge that this was going to be a very rare thing to happen, now that Tyler had a girlfriend, brought tears to your eyes, but you blinked them away. You weren’t going to ruin this moment.

However, Tyler was your best friend and he was a lot more observing than people gave him credit for, sometimes. “What’s wrong?” His arms tightened around your middle and you stilled.

“Nothing. Just. Tough day. I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Hmm, okay.” He immediately let it go because he knew you and he knew how stubborn you could be; pushing you to talk about it wasn’t going to help you, but holding you and just being there for you would. “Hey, babe?”

Your heart seemed to skip a beat; you were pretty sure he wasn’t supposed to call you that, were pretty sure Sabrina would hate it. But you weren’t going to tell him to stop it.

“You know I’ve got you, right? No matter what anyone says.”

You allowed yourself to smile as he rested his chin on the top of your head. The steady rise and fall of his chest as he breathed under you was like a lullaby, and you felt your eyes drooping.

“I know you got me,” you mumbled. “I’ve got you too.”

“Take a nap.” He kissed your cheek quickly, then focused on the documentary. You were already half asleep by that time, but not far enough asleep to not hear the words that he whispered after that. “I love you, Shiny.”

Something was shaking your shoulder, and you were not happy with it.

“No,” you growled, trying to turn away from the shaking; however, you were met with something hard and warm under your cheek. It smelled like laundry detergent and woody cologne and hockey tape. “Tyler?”

“I’m sorry,” he said softly. “But you need to wake up. Katie has called you like a billion times and you keep getting text messages. I think she might really need you this time.”

You groaned. Katie 'really needing you' could mean anything from a zombie apocalypse to her shoes not matching perfectly with her dress. You grabbed your phone from Tyler as you opened your eyes and slowly pushed yourself up from his chest. Gerry, who was still asleep in your lap, stirred, but his eyes didn’t open. You opened the texts and your eyes widened.

I need you to pick me up.

Y/N, I’m not kidding. Please pick me up.

I think I just broke up with Jamie.

I don’t know where to go or what to do. I’m at your work. Where are you???

HELLO. SOS.

“Oh shit,” you whispered, and when you saw Tyler’s raised eyebrow, you pointed at your phone. “Call Jamie. They just broke up.” It took a second or two for Tyler to register what you were saying, but then he reacted so lightning fast you remembered why he was a hockey player. You jumped up and started putting on your shoes. Your quick actions had woken the dogs, who stood uncertainly excited, not sure if they were going for a walk or if you were just going to leave them.

COMING RIGHT NOW you texted Katie.

“I’m coming over, dude,” you heard Tyler say, and he was already putting on his jacket. He hung up. “They broke up. They got into a huge fight and Katie said she couldn’t handle him being away so much anymore, and that she didn’t think they should stay together. Then she ran out.”

You cursed under your breath, grabbing your car keys. “She’s at the coffee shop, I’m going to take her home.”

“I’m going to see if Chubs is okay. He sounded upset.” Tyler sighed. “Y/N, wait.” 

You turned to look at him, your hand already on the doorknob. “I’m sorry for being such a bad friend lately. I promise I’m going to fix it.” He looked so sad, and you thought of Sabrina, and then you thought of Katie and Jamie who seemed so perfect for each other. 

Maybe the life of a hockey player was deemed to be lonely, but you watched Tyler’s sad brown eyes shine in the dim lighting of the empty hallway and suddenly you found yourself running towards him. He caught you easily as you wrapped him into a hug and pushed your nose against his neck.

“You don’t have to fix anything for me,” you told him, earnestly. “Just don’t forget about me, okay?”

“Never.” There was force behind the word, and he squeezed you tighter for just a second before releasing you. “Love you,” he hummed as you ran back towards the door, repeating his words from earlier. You smiled.

“Don’t get all mushy on me, Segs.” And then, because you couldn’t lie to him. “Love you too.”

Katie was crying when you finally arrived at the coffee shop and you pulled her into a hug right away.

“I’m so sorry, Kate,” you whispered against her hair. Then, you took her to your house and put her in your twin bed and held her as she cried more.

“Do you think it’s really over?” you asked finally, when she’d calmed down what felt like hours later.

“I just don’t think I’m made for it,” she sniffed. “Always being second best. Never being the most important. It’ll always be hockey first, you second. No, team second. You third. I can’t do it, Y/N. I just can’t be the third most important thing in his life when he’s my first.”

You thought about this for a second. Tyler was the most important thing in your life, too, but you weren’t naive to think that you were the most important in his. He had hockey, the team, his family, Sabrina. And yet, you couldn’t picture ever giving up on him. But then again, Katie was Jamie’s girlfriend. By carrying that title, she was promised a kind of priority status that she was never going to get from him. Tyler had never promised you anything, and yet he continued to surprise you. Suddenly, you didn’t envy Sabrina as much anymore.

“Don’t ever date a hockey player,” Katie sniffled, wrapped her arms tighter around you, and you shook your head.

“Don’t worry, Kate. That’s never going to happen.”

[munchyn]

Blue Eyes| Daniel x Reader Chapter 17- A Shoulder to Cry On

I woke up on a bed, gasping, and sweating. I looked around at the familiar environment. I heard the bed move beside me and then felt a hand on my thigh. My cheeks were wet from the tears. 'It was just a dream Y/n,' I reassure myself in my head. 'It was all just a dream.'

"Y/n, are you okay?" asked my boyfriend as he looked at me, worried. I shook my head no. "Do you want to talk about it or just need a shoulder to cry on'" I stretched my arms out to him wanting him to hug him. That dream, I couldn't tell him about my previous relationships. Not yet anyway. I wasn't ready for that conversation yet. He pulled me into his chest as I cried. Trying to be silent as to not wake the boys up.

That night I cried myself back to sleep.

______________________

I was walking alone to Y/f/n and Jenn's house. I needed the comfort of a close friend right now. I had been getting nightmares for the past week now, and in all of them, somehow, in a different way every night, Daniel would die in all of them. Sometimes he died in the most absurd deaths. Like eating tacos or slipping in the shower. But there were times that were horrible. Blood everywhere and other things I would prefer not to mention.

I knocked on the door and soon after, Y/f/n came to open it. She welcomed me in and she showed me around. She seemed pretty proud of her home. She also showed me the two turtles they had. I'm getting off track.

Me and Y/f/n sat down on the couch and that's when she noticed the frown on my face. The smile on her face faded and she asked me, "What's wrong?"

"It's just these past nights I have been sleeping with Daniel more often," I say and Y/f/n smirks while raising a brow. I blush. "Not that way Y/f/n. This is serious," She mutters an okay and I continued what I was saying earlier. My voice started to crack as I tried not to cry. This was all too much. "Well, I've been getting these nightmares every night. They're horrible, every time he, he... he dies and I don't know what to do. I don't want to tell him yet. It's just, too much."

"Okay," she says. "But why did you come here?"

"I guess I just need a shoulder to cry on."

_______________________

I was speed walking down the street to the Starbucks where I met Mateo. When I saw the cafe a few meters away from me I started running to it. I opened the door and moved behind the counter. "Sorry, I'm late," I apologized to Mateo as I put on the green apron on top of my black sweater. He just shrugged.

Throughout the morning I gave people their orders. I did my job. Yes, kids, I got a job at Starbucks. I was trying to save up some money for stuff. Trying to become more independent. With that, my nightmares and the tutoring sessions, the stress was becoming too much to handle.

I was making some hot chocolate for someone when I saw someone familiar walk into the place. I continued making the chocolate. The customer paid me and I waved them goodbye. The next customer walks up to me and I smile at them. "Let me guess," I say. "You'd like some apple juice."

"How did you know?" He says and his blue eyes stare into mine. He smiles at me and leans to kiss me over the counter, but I place a finger on his lips to stop them before they can touch mine.

"Not now Daniel," I say with a sweet smile. "I'm working."

I gave him his apple juice and he paid me the money. As he handed me the money he told me, "Come talk to me when your shift ends." He went to sit at the table and looked through his phone as he drank and waited. Boy was he going to wait a long time.

________________________

I took off the green apron I was forced to wear and headed over to the table where Daniel was sitting. I had gotten my own drink. Hot chocolate to be precise. Once I sat down, the first thing Daniel does is kiss me.

He pulls away with a disgusted face. "Is that chocolate?" he asks. I smile at him innocently and take another sip of my hot drink. "I knew I tasted something funny when I kissed you."

"Nah, that was just the sarcasm that flows through me," I say sarcastically. Proving my point. "Anyway, why'd you want to talk to me?"

"What? Can't I talk with my girlfriend just because I want to?" he says jokingly. "But now I'm wondering, what's your dream job Y/n?"

"Definitely not Starbucks," I say. "But honestly, it's writing and designing clothes."

"Wait," says Daniel. "You want to design clothes?" I nodded. "Why didn't you tell us earlier? We were actually looking for someone to design our new  merch."

"I also draw," I mumble. Part of me wanting him to hear me and part of me wanting to have been unheard. Either way, Daniel heard me.

"Really? Can I see some of your drawings?" I nodded and took out my phone and opened up a picture of one of my drawings.

(p.s: this is an actual drawing of mine, so please no hate)

"Wow, this is amazing Y/n," he says. "It's really good." He gives me my phone back and I shrug while shaking my head.

"It's not that good."

"It is!" he says. "In fact, I think you should draw me and the guys in this style for our next song we make." I shake my head again. "Please. Just one drawing." I look at him with a cold, hard stare. "If you want we don't have to put it on the song. Just for me? Please Y/n." I then bursted out laughing.

"I'm just messing with you. Of course I'll do it," I say while laughing. "Just under one condition. It's anonymous and no one gets to know it's me unless I say so." Daniel nods like a puppy (that's a weird expresion. I don't think puppies even nodd). I start looking at the tisues on the table, or any kind of paper that was laying around. Something I tend to do when I know I have to draw something. "Okay what picture of you guys should I use to draw?" I pull out my phone and scroll through the pictures I asked Zack to send me.

"Woah," says Daniel. "Calm down Y/n. You don't have to start right away. You've seemed pretty stressed lately and I just want you to relax today." He stands up and offers me his hand. I grab it and he pulls me out of the chair and out of the Starbucks. I asked him where we were going but he didn't answer. He lead me down the streets until we arrived at the Why Don't We house. I raised an eye brow at him and he quickly explained himself. "Today all the guys are out so we have the house all to ourselves. Nobody is here to bother us, we can do whatever you want."

I ran up the stairs to his room. I jump on his bed, as if my worries had washed away right when I had seen the house. I grabbed Daniels pillow stuffed my face into it. Breathing in his scent. "Hmm," I hum. "Your pillow smells so nice."

Daniel comes and sits next to me on his bed. "What do you want to do?" asks Daniel. He faces me with his legs crossed. I shrug.

"I have a few ideas in mind," I say. "One of which is to steal Zachs snacks."

After I insisted we do it even if Zach was going to kill us, we went to Zachs room. I looked around his room for the delicious treats. I looked under his bed and saw a box there. I pulled it out and looked inside it. "Jackpot."

I called Daniel over to let him know I had found them. There was another box filled to the top with snacks. Daniel helped me carry them to his room and our feast began. I opened up a box of cheese its and shoved a bunch into my mouth (writing this without having any idea about American snacks because I'm European). Daniel opened a bag of gummies and we traded cheese its and gummies with each other.

When we had finished the whole first box, Daniel had gone downstairs to get some watermelon. Because even if he's allergic, he still eats it. To be honest, when he said he was going to bring some watermelon, I thought he was going to bring cut up watermelon in a bowl. Instead, he brought a full watermelon. When he came into the room carrying the watermelon, I couldn't help but laugh.

"What're you laughing about?" says Daniel with a small smile on his face. I just kept laughing.

_________________________

I was laying on top of Daniel. Trying to hold his arms down as my face got closer to his. He turned his head to one side, avoiding the kiss I was trying to give him. "No! You ate chocolate!" I laugh at his comment. Me on top of him, trying to kiss him with the the taste of chocolate still on my tongue.

"Oh c'mon," I say. "Just a peck on the nose." He hesitated, but eventually nodded.

"But if you try anything-"

I cupped his face in my hands. "Look Daniel," I say in an innocent voice. "I'm holding the world." I giggled a little as I lowered down to peck him on the nose. His grip on my hips tightened as a warning to not try anything. Of course that didn't stop me. I quickly placed my lips on his and tried to run away. I had, of course, forgotten that Daniel was holding me.

He flipped us and trapped me under him. "I warned you earlier Y/n." He moved his fingers along my sides and tickled me.

_____________________________

I was sitting on a stool next to the kitchen counter when I heard Daniels voice, "Hey Y/n, pose!"

I quickly came up with a pose and Daniel snapped a picture of me. We did this countless times. Sometimes I dud it to Daniel, sometimes he did it to me.

It had become like some kind of tradition for the two of us. It was our own little thing.

_____________________________

I laid my head on Daniels lap as we both sat on the couch. I looked up at the brunette turned blonde. "I kinda have an idea that I want to try," I say. "But it will make it seem like I have zero impulse control."

"Doesn't matter," he says. "We'll do it anyways." I got up and sat on his lap.

"I want to star gaze on the roof," I tell him as I straddle him. He gives me a peck on the lips and then we stand up to get ready to star gaze on the roof. We got blankets and pillows and I got one of the  stuffed Giraffes that a fan gave Dani at a meet and greet.

I climbed out of a window and somehow got onto the roof. Daniel followed behind me. I laid on the blanket we had spread and grabbed a box of cookies. And leaned back against Daniel.

We were watching the night sky when he suddenly spoke up. "Y/n, I have something to tell you." I looked back at him and he held my hands. "I told the guys about hiring you for the merch and they accepted."

"Without any proof of my having designed clothes in the past?" I ask. He shakes his head.

"They saw the pictures on your instagram account," he says and I make an 'o' shape with my mouth.

"Yeah," I say. "I completely forgot about those."

"Anyways," he continues. "The guys saw them and agreed to hire you to be our merch designer."

I felt a tear slip down my cheek. "Oh my god," I gasp. "Thank you so much." I hugged him tightly and pressed my lips to his in a long kiss. I cried happy tears into his shoulder.

"I guess I've officially become your shoulder to cry on."

🍎🍉🍎🍉🍎🍉🍎🍉🍎🍉🍎🍉

A/N: Taking advice from a 9 (almost 10) year old while writing this. Props to him.

[folerdetdufoler]

sunday was like…a half day. i woke up for breakfast but then went back to bed. i went back through my tweets and apparently i was woken up in the middle of the night by girls being loud in the hallway, so maybe i was just trying to sleep off my grumpiness. i didn’t wake up again until housekeeping came by, and that was enough to knock me out of heaven (bed).

i went to meet haidee at KB for second breakfast. it was one of my grosser walks, because it was raining and warm out, so i was either getting wet from the outside or sweating through my layers on the inside. on top of literally dripping on my stool at the cafe, i was trying to save a seat for haidee too, and that was making me sweat double time because i always feel like no one believes me when i say “i have a friend coming.” like, i have friends? really? hmmm. anyway, she arrived and we got caught up.

and phew, i thought my saturday was rough with all of the walking? haidee’s saturday, starting late friday night, was…not good. ugh. i felt so bad that she went through so much, and that i couldn’t be there to help fix it or let her escape from it. it’s frustrating that she was subjected to a lot of very bad decisions made by other people, and doubly so that my first instinct was to try to fix it, even though none of it was my fault. i wanted to publicly rant on her behalf, shame others for their bad behavior, but that wasn’t going to fix anything either, so we just unloaded and commiserated for a few hours, and tried our best to figure out how to handle that sort of thing going forward. in the very least, it was good to talk, rather than let the disappointment fester in silence.

since i was in the neighborhood i had wanted to make a quick stop at nissen to see the bench in the light, and make haidee take another picture on the bench with me. but siv actually walked into the cafe and chatted with us briefly, explaining that the convention was still running late and the safaris hadn’t wrapped up at the school on time. i was relieved then that i hadn’t dragged haidee up there, nor gone on my own, so we stayed inside and waited for her other friend (i want to call her vee but i also know that that is wrong) to arrive. i ordered an iced mocha and cinnamon roll, which, because i’m obsessed with myself, seemed cute since it was isak’s regular order in mondays. i started drinking iced mochas when i kept seeing kaylee rave about them, so that’s what made me choose it for isak, and a cinnamon bun is a cinnamon bun. [bread pun]

at some point nadège was walking past with her tour group and she ran up to knock on the window and in that moment i understood how isak was feeling right here:

haidee’s friend showed up and we all crowded into isak’s window for a bit. then i excused myself to go meet jenn in grünerløkka. i can’t remember who told me about it first, whether it was mo back in january or haidee in june, but retrolykke came highly recommended, so we met there. on the barista’s recommendation jenn had tea and i had water, because my “caffeine headache” wasn’t going away so i was probably just dehydrated. we sat outside because it was still kind of warm and i’m glad we did because i probably would’ve spent all of my money if we were sat anywhere near a shelf in that joint. we traded stories about our saturdays and i got the run down on the movie i missed. then, unable to hide it any longer, i let loose my deep desire to ride the ferris wheel at the christmas market. maybe i played it cool, but that’s unlikely. we had a small window before we had to meet haidee for dinner, so we cleaned up and zipped over there.

cheers to the people who let you indulge in your secret wishes, who help you buy a ticket and climb into the bucket with you. cheers to the young girls in our bucket (is there a different word for it? gondola? whatever. it felt like a bucket swinging from a giant’s hand) who probably thought we were weird but weren’t too afraid to ask jenn to take their picture. cheers to oslo and its shit weather, which it still wore beautifully. this bitch looks great from any angle.

after the ride we wandered around the market because haidee reported her event was (newsflash) running late and they were still waiting outside. i was getting another low, so i had to stop to get something to eat. what i should’ve done was just stop and chomp some tablets, but my mind was foggy and i was with someone else so i was like obviously we need to get gløgg first. i stared down the candy apples by the register, which would’ve been the next smartest choice for fast-acting sugar, but i ordered a goddamn pølse instead, and we proceeded to make dick jokes for another fifteen minutes while i housed it in like, five bites.

now, i need to explain something that i think has just been rolling around in the back of my mind since february, but i’m mildly obsessed with the idea of pølse as a party food, a common snack. i don’t know why, of all the norwegian things i’ve encountered, this sticks out for me, because…it’s a hot dog. americans eat hot dogs all the time. it is not an unfamiliar concept. but after seeing marlon eating one at the club i’ve projected that onto every possible party situation in my head, from a tiny gathering in a home to a giant dance floor with lasers shooting out across a crowd. and it just makes me laugh? and i feel like i need to explain why or how, but i actually can’t. just…dick jokes aside, ordering a hot dog was funny to me, and i wanted to experience that hot-dog-in-da-club feeling, so maybe that’s why i went with protein and slow carbs instead of straight sugar. i prioritized my sense of humor over my health, and while it was dumb it made me laugh and tasted good. that doesn’t explain my obsession with pølse but i think it tells you a lot about me.

okay so after that…we took shelter in a KB because it was still raining and we were still waiting and i was still low. then i finally got smart and started eating my tablets. we made our way over to ett bord where we were picking up haidee, but they were still finishing up. jenn sat at the table outside and narrated what was going on inside because i refused to turn around. i was hoping, like a child who hadn’t learned what object permanence was, that if i didn’t see anything, then nothing was happening. or if the people inside didn’t see me, then i didn’t exist. but i don’t think it worked. ragnar came out to say hi to jenn, and that was cool to see him again. we scooped nadège and haidee and i tried to escape unseen, but fuck…like a minute later we ran into three italians and walked with them up to the intersection. that’s what the blurry photo is, nadège and rocco, federico and jenn in front of them. at that point i was ready to just give up, because like, of course i was going to intersect with these people eventually. i was literally visiting places related to the show and convention. i don’t know why i thought it was avoidable, why i had shaped my trip around trying not to see these people, while also putting myself directly in their line of fire. i’d met henrik and lisa and there were the italians and i had a goodie bag in my backpack and you probably wouldn’t actually believe me at this point if i said i didn’t attend the convention. my desire and my shame shuttled me around the city, working together, telling me you can’t have your cake and eat it too. so i took a picture of it.

i was able to relax though, through dinner with jenn and haidee at olivia. we ended up at the wrong location (tjulvhomen instead of aker brygge) because i decided to ignore jenn’s directions (nice) but they were pretty empty so we just stayed. since i had already caught up with both of them i took this opportunity to let them talk to each other, which left me free to shove every strand of linguini known to man into my face. you only get a photo of my dessert, which marks the first point in time that i stopped eating long enough to actually take a picture.

it was interesting talking to both of them about the movie because they were literally in the same room, watching the same thing, but had such different interpretations and responses to it. on top of that, being in a room filled with the skam fandom must have shaped their viewing as well. even though i didn’t experience any of it, the discussion alone was a great reminder of the variety of perspectives in the fandom and what happens when a fandom is the lens through which you view the world.

we of course talked about skam and fandom, but we also got to talk about our personal lives a bit more, and i think this was the first time i was in a completely non-skam-related place, which seemed to free us a bit from reference points that kept your subconscious attached to the show or cast (at least it did for me). i had spent my day avoiding it, and but now i was actually distanced from it without any effort, and it felt like a really positive development. especially as i’m attempting to be a better person in general, able to establish and maintain relationships that aren’t based precariously on a singular, mutual fixation. i want to be able to be friends with people because they’re good people and a joy to be around, not just because there’s this one thing we can talk about. now here’s a joke line because i always undercut my serious emotions with humor: look ma, we talked about something else!

then jenn had to get to a party, so we had another navigational ~experience~. we dropped her off there and haidee and i decided to head home. our days were short but like, emotionally very long, so we were done. that didn’t stop us from standing on the sidewalk in the rain, talking for another hour though. we kept hugging to say goodbye and then talking some more and hugging again and talking and ok for the last time now because there are puddles inside my shoes kiss kiss squeeze i’m not crying it’s the rain i swear. i’ll see you in september, okay? promise.

i finished the day as it started, with a very wet walk. the market was empty, so i let myself take the kinds of photos that i am too embarrassed to take in public, the ones where you stand wherever you’d like for optimal angles and don’t care about anyone else around you, don’t worry about being in their way, or worry that they can tell how many pictures you’re taking, or worry that they’re judging how poorly your shots are turning out. ugh, it’s amazing that i can function as a tourist full stop. please sir, would you mind emptying out the city so i may experience it without the anxiety of my human existence? tusen takk.

whatever. i got to the hotel, asked for a new room key (at some point that evening i lost my room key and my ruter card, rip), returned to heaven (bed) and promptly shit my pants again when i saw the announcement on twitter about the bloopers.

the motherfucking bloopers. the man, the myth, the legend. the rumors were true.

[saddntiredd]

21.

.

Take 1..

At 15, my best friend, jenn of 11 years committed sluiced. I didn’t know then how badly this would affect me until later in my life. I remember then being angry. I remember shutting down and staying far away from people as much as possible. I stopped going to school and dedicated my time to exercise and being alone. At 16 I met someone who, to this day, is the most important person in my life. I believe in the depths of my soul, Jenn gave her to me. And honestly, it saved my life.

Her name is Hannah. The most beautiful, complex, intellectually and artistically intelligent human being I have met in this lifetime and I am blessed that we have had the opportunity to cross paths. Hannah is the type of person that is not like any other. She glows with radiance of overflowing love and compassion. A person who would break for you over and over if she knew it would give your soul peace. The definition of selfless. Absolute Pure gold.

I believe Hannah is the only person on this planet who understands me without physical spoken words. She has never judged me and has accepted me and the baggage that follows behind. Genuine, and honest. I believe everyone has a soulmate, and not always in an intimate way. Hannah is an example of this.

The saying it’s either black or white does not describe me best, but grey area does. I am always stuck in the middle and stuck in the war of head vs. Heart. It’s exhausting. Not that I’m indecisive, but because I feel to much, too often. Being sensitive is awful. Human beings are selfish and I’m having a really hard time finding where I belong. I guess you can say I’m lost. How cliché.

At 18, I loathed myself. The way I thought, the way I did things, the way I looked. I just plain and simply despised my entire existence. It ruined me and ruined a lot of relationships. It destroyed me and everyone else who knocked on the door. “Go away” was me favourite phrase. I bottled everything inside so tightly, and screwed the lid on so snug I was certain it would never be able to open. I have never liked confrontation. Apparently not even with myself. My image of myself was distorted so badly I believed I wasn’t good enough. I felt so small that Nothing I did or said was of any importance to anyone. I continually felt like a burden not only to myself but to everyone around me.

I’ve grown since then but I’m still tired of feeling invalid, and not getting recognized for what I’ve been doing bu only for what I’ve been doing wrong instead. I pour myself empty for people. I’m aware I should stop this, but it feels so nice to see others happy even though it’s destroying me. I’ve been dealing with a lot of personal challenges this year and I honestly feel defeated. I’ve been choosing things that aren’t good for me, and knowing this but not being able to stop. WHY. WHY. WHY. WHY do I continue on this path of self distraction I choose it every time. I feel like a puzzle piece that just won’t fit into the spot that you’re so certain is suppose to belong there. The cut is perfect, that shape is just right but for some reason I am not flush with the rest of the puzzle and will only stay with force. How annoying. Hannah once said to me “I don’t hate my life. I hate THIS life” and I’ve never related to something more before. That’s why we’re soulmates. Because she understands and feels me on a different level that most human beings can not comprehend.

At 21, I feel empty, confused and frustrated. But doesn’t every 21 year old? This is different. I just don’t belong here and it fucks with me everyday. Does anyone really understand how painful it feels to feel empty but not know what will fill me? How horrible it is to feel confused about my purpose and why I’m here and not have answers to help find a solution? The fact that I am so aware but I don’t know all at the same time is why I am grey.

I’m just so tired of waking up and feeling like this. And that breaks my own heart. I’m here because ofHannah. I am still here because she’s the only person that has somehow managed to truly understand everything I’ve been going through. The only person that has grabbed the shovel and dug me out of the 6 foot hole I’ve been laying in. For so long. The ONLY person who has wiped the dirt away from my face so I can, for a moment finally breathe. She hasn’t forced me to get out of that hole, but has decided to lay right beside me in it silently and patiently even though she has her own battles to fight. I am so lucky. Most importantly I am still here because I couldn’t fathom the heartbreak she would go through if I wasn’t around. EVEN THOUGH I know she would understand that this would set me free, and The pain would stop, to know she would suffer silently BREAKS ME and Knowing first hand how it feels to loose someone so important to you, I could never do that to her. She doesn’t deserve it. In fact, she’s the last person on this planet who deserves that.

I’ve heard so many time that life is what you make it. But is it? Do I enjoy waking up everyday and aimlessly wondering through life having no clue what the actual fuck I am doing or what I even want and just dealing with everyone’s shit along the way? Do I enjoy feeling suffocated and not having a say in what happens? am I choosing this? Why would I choose this. Why would I voluntarily put myself through hell. It doesn’t make sense to me. And it’s not like I haven’t tried because I’ve done everything I can possibly do to get me out of this rut. And after so many failed attempts, honestly I’m just so fucking tired. Where the hell is the reset button? BETTER YET where the hell are the instructions? Maybe if I had some, I could finally get it right. I’m not living I’m existing.

Home is a feeling. Not a place. Home to me is Hannah. I find comfort in her patience and I find peace in her ability to understand. Although most days I feel I will never grow out of this, Ive been taught through Hannah that you need to have rainstorms for beautiful things to bloom. It’s a process and I am forever grateful to have her as my best fiend and rock. Suddenly I don’t feel so alone.

[latchingontoallofyou]

Valenna - Journey Part 2

Part 2

“Jenna, why do you keep holding your side?” Meryl asks as she pushes her dear friend down the hall.

“I’m fine. Little miss is just kicking me like crazy. Want to feel?”

“Really? I’d love to!”

“Give me your hand.”

Jenna takes Meryl’s hand and lays it on the side of her belly and holds it there while her little girl kicks away. She can’t help but smile, knowing that this is a happy, healthy sign.

“That’s so amazing.”

“It’s my favorite thing about pregnancy.”

“I can imagine. Are you doing alright?”

“Yes.”

“You don’t feel…?”

“Meryl, I’m fine. We haven’t gotten a text so can we please keep going.”

“Ok” she says with a weak smile.

“You know, this never how I wanted this to go.”

“What?”

“I never wanted pregnancy to go. I wanted to be at home. I wanted to be working for as long as I could. When I couldn’t anymore, I wanted to be able to sit around and watch Val as he worked. I wanted to be cuddled on the couch while Val and I picked her name. I wanted to put her nursery together, not watch others do it through FaceTime. I wanted to be able to move freely. I wanted so much more.”

“Jen…”

“I know it’s nothing I can control. No one could have known. It’s just, I don’t know. I guess I am just ready for this all to be done but she’s not ready to be born yet.”

“I wish I could say I know how you feel but…”

“Hey, none of that Meryl. I just needed you to be here to listen. I needed to let it out.”

“But…”

“Trust me Meryl. This is just what I needed. This walk and you being here.”

~

When Val gets to the hospital after work, Jen is sound asleep. Meryl has left for the night and he hadn’t heard of how the day went. He could have gone out to the nurse’s station to get an update but he didn’t want to leave Jenna alone. He missed her and just wants to stay by her side as long as he can. He takes a chance and calls Meryl.

“Val, is everything alright?”

“Hi Meryl. Yes, she’s sleeping. I just wanted to see how today went. I didn’t want to wake her. She could use all the sleep she can get.”

“I understand. It was a great day. So nice to catch up.”

“Good. We’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too. We got out of the room today.”

“Really?”

“Yes. She was hooked up to all kids of monitors and nurses were watching the numbers. We were out for about an hour and a half before we had to go back. Her numbers were low so they texted us to come back.”

“Oh no.”

“No, they promised us she was fine Her numbers had dipped just a bit, nothing concerning but most likely just a warning that she was getting tired. And obviously she was. I felt your girl kicking.”

“Doesn’t it feel amazing.”

“Oh, my goodness, yes. But Val, she’s struggling.”

“I know. I’ve been trying to help her but I feel like when I try to help her, I make it worse.”

“You should try listening, not helping.”

“What?”

“Just sit and listen to her. She’ll tell you what she needs or wants you to do. Just be there and let her tell what she needs. Don’t try to read her mind.”

“Did she tell you to tell me this?”

“No. I just speak girl” she laughs.

“Meryl, I’m…”

“Don’t. None of it was your fault. It all worked out and we’re all getting back to how we should be. We’re all happy and finally getting back to how we were, one person at a time. Now, I have a question for you.”

“About?”

“Your little girl. What’s her name?”

“Jen didn’t tell you?”

“No. She just kept saying little girl.”

“Oh, then I can’t tell you. Sorry. I am not putting myself in dog house.”

“Oh, come on!”

“Sorry Mer.”

“Fine. Is it ok if I come by again tomorrow?”

“Of course! I’m working later tomorrow so I’ll be here in the morning but come whenever you want. I’d be happy to see you too.”

“Great. Thanks Val. I’ll let you know tomorrow when I’m coming. I have a few other visits to make while I’m here and…”

“You’re going to see him?”

“At some point, yes. I don’t know if it will be tomorrow but he’s on the list. I closed everyone off for a while but that was stupid and I missed everyone so I’m making visits.”

“Good. Everyone always asked how you were.”

“I know. Sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’ve got to go. The doctor is here. See you tomorrow.”

Val hangs up with Meryl and smiles towards the doctor.

“Hi Val. How are you doing?”

“Good. Tired but good.”

“You are making sure you are getting rest too, right?”

“Yes. It was just a long rehearsal day today.”

“I thought you didn’t have a partner anymore.”

“I don’t but I’m still dancing in other dances so I have to go to rehearsal. I tried to step away but Jenna told me I had to do it. It wouldn’t do either of us any good if we both sat here in this room all day every day.”

“She’s right. Did she tell you she got to get out of the room for a while today?”

“She didn’t but our friend Meryl did.”

“Good. I think it did her well. When I saw her after, she looked so much better than she had been. She seemed so much happier too. I think it will do them both good. It might not be an everyday thing but I think getting out of the room will do them both good.”

“Meryl said you guys called her back because of her numbers.”

“We did. She was still having her regular random contractions but there were dips in both hers and your little girl’s stats. Nothing too alarming because they came back up quickly but we wanted her back to be safe. Everything is back to normal so there is no reason to be concerned.”

“Thank you. Can I ask you something since she is asleep?”

“Of course.”

“Do you think she’ll make it to her due date.”

“It’s tough to say but I don’t see any signs that your little one will be making her appearance anytime soon.”

“Good. But we can’t go home?”

“No. She is more likely to go into labor if she goes home.”

“Ok” he sighs.

“I know it’s tough but…”

“It’s for the better. I know. Thank you for all you are doing for my girls and I.”

“You’re welcome.”

~

That night was a tough one. The random contractions she’d been having were more intense and woke her up each time. Then she’d have a tough time falling back to sleep because she was worried that she’d have another one and that she’d be officially in labor again.

She didn’t go into labor but she was on edge all night. She had a bunch of tests that morning. Blood drawn, more monitors, and more. Val was by her side, giving support and just holding her as she cried. She wanted so badly to go home.

“How’s it going in here?” her doctor asks, coming into the room.

“We’re scared. What’s going on?”

“Well we saw your contractions got stronger last night and we just want to rule everything out so I can stick with the theory that I have.”

“And what’s that theory?”

“That we just have to cut back on how long you are out of bed.”

“I can’t go out anymore?”

“I didn’t say that. I’m just saying not so long. I think the position you have to sit in the wheelchair may be too much if you stay that way for too long. We’ll cut it back. We’ll start with just an hour. If that’s still too much, we’ll cut it back. One more thing though, we want you to take a day off. Stay in here today, just to be on the safe side.”

“Good because I was afraid to go.”

“Take it easy today. Ok? We’re going to keep a close eye on your monitors so don’t worry. I have a feeling you’ll be just fine.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

~

Val is at rehearsal now but is totally unfocused. All he can think about is Jenn and their little girl. He made her promise to call if anything changed. The same with the nurses. Meryl is with here. Peta said she’d go over too if need be but Brit is going over later this afternoon. He still wishes he could be with Jenna but she made him go.

“Dude!”

“Sorry what?”

“Can we start or…”

“Sorry.”

“Jenna alright” Gleb asks.

“For now. It was a tough night last night.”

“You should be with her than. We’ll make due.”

“Yea, try telling Jenna that. She made me come. She’s got Meryl and Brit with her and strict orders to call if anything changes.”

“Sounds like Jenna” Gleb laughs. “What should we do?”

“Dance. I need to take my mind off of it all. The doctor thinks everything is ok so…”

“Let’s get dancing then.”

After dancing for about a half hour, they hear a phone ringing. Everyone freezes. Val is the first to move, running over to the table where his phone is. It’s his phone.

“I’ve got to take this” he says already half way out the door. “Jen?”

“Val, it’s Meryl.”

“Meryl, what’s going on?”

“You should probably come to the hospital.”

“Oh no.”

“They are thinking about giving her another round of terbutaline. They aren’t sure if she really needs it yet. They are going to try a few more things but, you should probably get here.”

“I’m on my way. Let Jenna know, please. Tell her I love her and I’ll be there soon.”

“I will. And Val?”

“Yea?”

“I won’t leave her side until you get here.”

“Thank you.”

After hanging up, Val rushes back into the rehearsal space and without a word, he grabs bag and heads back out, hoping everyone understands what is happening. His drive towards the hospital, freaking out the entire time. Everything seems to be moving in slow speed. The traffic seemed worse than normal. He keeps check his phone to see if he’s gotten any updates but nothing.

When he finally makes it to the hospital, he rushes inside, signs in, and runs up to Jenna’s room, taking the stairs, not wanting to have to wait for the elevator. By the time he’s at her door, he out of breath. He takes a deep breath and walks into the room. Jenna is on her left side, griping the bedrail. Meryl is sitting in front of her with her hand on Jenna’s. Brit wasn’t there.

“Jen.”

“Val, I’m so scared. They said she’d be fine but then my contractions kicked up again. She can’t come yet! It’s too soon.”

“Oh babe” he says rushing to her, taking Meryl’s seat that she just abandoned and puts a head on her head and the other on her hand. “What are they doing?”

“They have me laying on this side and pushing lots of fluids through me. They said they’re watching and they’ll come up with another plan if need be.”

“When were they in last?”

“10 minutes ago, probably.”

“Did they say anything?”

“Just not to worry and to try to relax.”

“Cause that’s real calming.”

“That’s not helping Valentin” Jenna says sternly.

“Sorry. I’m just worried.”

“And you don’t think I am?”

“Jenna, that’s not fair.”

“None of this is fair” she cries and turns away from him.

“Oh Jen, I know love. You are right. None of this is fair but we are doing all we can.”

“There is no we here Val. You have no part in this!”

“Jenna” Meryl jumps in saying.

“No, it’s fine. She’s right. I can’t really help any of this but I’m here with you every step of the way.”

Jenna doesn’t say anything. At first Val thought she was still upset but when he looks at her face, he knows that’s not it. Her face is scrunched up in pain and she’s all but rolled up into a ball around her belly. Val rushes to her side and takes her hand. She tries to pull back at first but when he wouldn’t let go, she squeezes his hand tightly. Tears are rolling down both of their faces.

“Meryl” Jenna cries out after her contraction ends.

“What do you need Jenna? What can I get you?”

“Call my Mom. They should get here.”

“Jenna” Val breaths out.

“Valentin, this feels different. I’m scared and if…” There is a knock at the door, making everyone jump. Jenna holds Val’s hand even tighter.

“Hi” an unfamiliar nurse says coming into the room.

“What’s going on?” Jenna asks.

“The doctor will be in in a few minutes to let you know.”

Jenna takes a deep breath, as if knowing just what news she is going to get. The nurse looks over the many monitors and adds some notes to her chart. As she does, Jenna’s doctor comes in, giving them a weak smile.

“It’s not good news, is it?”

“Your contractions are picking up.”

“So, you’ll do another round of terbutaline, right?” Val asks, very concerned.

“We’re going to give it a try but…”

“It’s not going to work, is it?” Jenna says with tears in her eyes, threatening to fall.

“It’s never a certain thing but when given a second time… we are going to have to watch very closely.”

“We should call our families, shouldn’t we” Jenna asks.

“It would probably be safe to just let them know what is going on.”

“This is really serious?”

“Contractions always are. Here comes the medicine. Remember you might get the shakes and…”

“I remember them clearly. How will we know if it’s not working?”

“We aren’t going to worry about that right now. We are just going to rest and try to help the medicine do its work.”

When the doctor and the nurses leave after she’s hooked up to the medicine, Jenna breaks down in tears. Val holds her as he cries as well. Meryl sits off to the side, silently letting her own tears slide down her cheeks. She wants to offer support but they seem to be giving each other the best support they can. She is ready to go, feeling so emotionally drained but doesn’t want to go until she can tell them.

After they’ve gathered themselves, they turn to Meryl. Jenna motions for her to come closer, already starting to shake. Meryl goes over and sits on the side of the bed, taking her hand.

“Thank you for being here.”

“I’d do it a million times again.”

“You know you…”

“Yea, I’m going to get going. I don’t want to be in the way and…”

“You aren’t in the way.”

“But you two need to focus on just you two and…”

“But…”

“I’ll still be in town so don’t worry. I’m just a call or a text away. Ok?”

“Ok. Thank you” Jenna says, pulling her friend into a hug. Val gives her a hug as well before Meryl leaves.

They then start making phone calls, calling the grandparents and their far away friends and family. Sasha and Larissa ask for as many updates as possible since they aren’t able to make it out that night. Tamara and Curt are catching the next flight.

Jenna is trying so hard to rest but she can’t. She so nervous. She’s shaking more this time but can’t tell if it’s all from the medicine. She’s still feeling her contractions. She doesn’t feel right and has a bad feeling.

~

An hour later, the contractions haven’t stopped. Nurses have come in more often recently. Her parents are officially on a plane to LA. Val keeps pacing the room. She’s been texting updates to Meryl and trying not to think about what is probably next.

“Valentin, would you either pace where I can’t see you or come sit down. You’re driving me nuts.”

“Sorry. I’m just so nervous and I don’t know…”

“I know. I feel it too. Whatever happens, happens.”

“But she’s only 29 weeks. It’s too early.”

“Val, she not going to stay in much longer. I have a strong feeling we’ll be meeting our little girl very soon. We need to settle on her name.”

“I thought we already had.”

“You’re still ok with it?”

“I am. Are you?”

“Yes. I love it” he smiles, taking her hand.

They stay in that moment quietly, just staring at each other. Jenna rides out a few more contractions as they seem to be coming more frequently. Nurses are still coming in and out. It wasn’t until her doctor comes into the room that Jenna fully believes what her gut has been telling her.

“Jenna…”

“We’re going to meet her today, aren’t we?” she cuts the doctor off saying.

“I’m afraid so. Your contractions are picking up and she’s starting to have dips so we want to get her out.”

“When?” Jenna asks, squeezing Val’s hand as he sinks into the chair behind him, next to the bed.

“Where hoping within the hour.”

“But my parents are on their way and…”

“I’m sorry Jenna but we don’t want…”

“I get it. What can we expect?”

“She’ll be little. She will have a NICU stay ahead of her. It’s hard to say anything else without her here.”

“Ok” she says, taking a deep breath.

“We’re going to have people coming in and out more often to get you and your little girl ready. Like I said, we’ll probably take you down within the hour. We are waiting for the OR to open.”

“That will give us time to let the families know. Thank you.”

“I’ll see you soon. Sorry.”

“Don’t be. You did all you could. She’s just anxious to meet us.”

When the doctor leaves the room, Val puts the bed rail down and sits as close to Jenna as possible. He has tears in his eyes, threatening to fall but Jenna looks so calm.

“Babe, how are you not upset?”

“Of course, I’m upset. I wish I could have keep her inside me longer but she has other plans. Plus, no amount of fit throwing or refusing to have her will do any good. This is what needs to happen. Is it going to be an easy road but…”

“That’s quite the understatement Jenna.”

“We’ll be alright.”

“Will she?”

“I have faith she will.”

“We need to call my parents.”

“I’m gonna text Meryl and have her tell the DWTS family.”

“Good idea.”

“Do you want me to call your sisters?”

“I’ll send them all a text. We have a group chat.”

“Ok.”

~

Jenna is now in the OR. She’s waiting for Val to be allowed in and the surgery to start. She’s totally numb, shivering, anxious, and starting to feel scared now.

“Where is my husband?”

“He’s on his way in.”

“When will this start?”

“Soon. After he comes in.”

“How long will it take?”

“Hard to know for sure right now.”

She hears the doors open again but she can’t see them so she doesn’t know who it is. She hears a stool being rolled over and then someone sit down next to her head. She feels a hand slip into hers and a kiss on her cheek.

“Hi” she smiles.

“How you feeling, baby?”

“Anxious to meet our little girl.”

“You aren’t feeling anything, right?”

“No. Just some tugging and some pressure. They said I would.”

“Right. I remember that now.”

“So, when I’m allowed to eat, I want a good burger.”

“Jenna…”

“Oh, and a Pepsi. No Coke. Pepsi. Fries would be ok but I could go for some fruit salad. Oh, actually, forget the burger. I want a chicken sandwich.”

“Ok.”

“Just a few minutes longer” the doctor suddenly says.

“Great. Thank you.”

“When she’s here, you need to go with here. I’ll be fine. You stick with her and make sure she’s ok. Do you hear me Valentin? Stay with her.”

“But…”

“Stay with her.”

“Ok” he says, nodding slowly.

“Alright Jenna, a bit of pressure here and then you’ll get to see you little girl.”

Jenna squeezes Val’s hand tighter. His free hand moves to rest on her forehead. He kisses her head and joins her in looking up at the divider expectantly, waiting for the first glimpse of their girl.

“Here she is” they hear and then a slight cry. It was so quiet, they almost missed it. The doctor, after cleaning her mouth and nose out, cradles their newborn in her hands and lifts her up over the divider so they can see her.

Jenna bursts into tears at the sight of her daughter. Val’s tears finally slide down his cheeks as well. The little girl takes this time to cry out again, much to the delight of her parents. She then disappears behind the curtain again and Val takes this opportunity to kiss his wife on the lips.

“Thank you” he whispers.

“Go to her.”

“I love you” he says with another kiss.

“I love you too. Tell her I love her.”

Val reluctantly gets up and goes over to where his brand-new daughter is being checked out. She is so little and isn’t crying anymore. She is moving around a bit but is quiet. There are so many people around her, checking her out. They put a mask on her face and a monitor on her foot.

“Does she have a name?”

“Jenna?”

“Nyla Greys”

“Beautiful.”

“How is she?” Jenna asks but no one answers. “Val? How is she?”

“I…”

“She’s in good hands. We are going to her to the NICU to examine her further.”

“Can’t I hold her?”

“We really need to get her…”

“Val, stay with her!” she says through her tears.

~

As Jenna is wheeled back into her room, she is surprised to find her parents and Val waiting there for her. The tears she had just gotten to stop start up again. Val rushes to her side as soon as her bed is in its place.

“You are supposed to be with her.”

“I was. They had to run some test and said I had to come back here. I have some pictures.”

“Let me see!”

Val hands her his phone, watching as she scrolls through the pictures of their tiny, precious little Nyla who is hooked up to all kinds of wires and tubes. She has a large machine on her nose. She has a small tube in her mouth. She has two monitors on her chest and an IV in her tiny arm.

“Did you get her weight and…”

“She is 3 pounds and 16 ½ inches.”

“What time was she born?” Tamara asks.

“5:19pm.”

“Does she have a name?” Curt asks.

“You didn’t tell them?” Jenna says, looking at Val in shock.

“They didn’t ask and I would have figured you’d want to tell them.”

“Her name is Nyla Greys, the Russian way of saying Grace.”

“I love it!” Tamara says happily, hugging onto her husband.

“Thank you” Jenna says, smiling up at her husband, who then leans down and kisses her. “I want to see her.”

“They said once they’ve finished all the test, you’ll be able to go see her.”

“I’m scared” Jenna admits.

“Me too” Val says, squeezing her hand.

“Did anyone text everyone else?”

“Yes. I sent out a message after I called my parents and brother.”

“I called the family too” Curt adds.

“Thank you.”

~

“Can I hold her?” Jenna asks as she stares into Nyla’s incubator. Her eyes are closed and she’s surrounded by blankets and wires.

“Actually, yes. We would like to do some skin to skin time. We’ve found it really helps them on that first day so we do it as often as we can.”

“I won’t hurt her right?”

“No. You won’t hurt her.”

“Will he get a turn too?”

“Yes, Dad can have a turn too” the NICU nurse says as she starts to carefully lift Nyla up, moving the wires and tubes around. She has Jenna move her robe down and bit and then carefully places Nyla against her chest. She’s instinct takes over and she cradles her daughter to her chest. Tears slowly slide down her faces and Val wipes them away before taking pictures of the sweetest sight he’s ever seen.

“How is she?”

“She’s doing well. The big tubes that connect to the thing in her nose is the CPAP machine which is helping her breathing, forcing air into her lungs. It will help her lungs to develop faster.”

“How long will she need it?”

“It’s hard to tell but I can’t imagine she’ll need it for very long. A few days max. She’s a strong little one. I can tell already.”

“And what’s the tube in her mouth for?”

“That’s a feeding tube.”

“I can’t breast feed her?”

“Not yet. She doesn’t have that ability yet. She’ll be able to get some breast milk through her tube though if you pump. Soon she’ll be ready to breast feed.”

“Good because that’s what I want.”

“She’ll probably get a pacifier to suck on to work on her feeding skill. That’ll be more when she’s off the CPAP.”

“She’s so tiny.”

“She’ll grow so quickly” the nurse reassures her.

“Did anyone see her eyes?”

“I believe they are blue” Val says, making Jenna smile.

Nyla stretches against Jenna’s chest, kicking her Mom’s chest, bringing more tears from Jenna. Val can’t figure out why she is crying. He pushes Jenna’s hair away from her face and kisses her forehead, hoping to calm her.

“Jen, what’s wrong?”

“She kicked me. For the first time, she kicked me from the outside.”

[jae-canikeepyou]

| serenity in us | j.jh | ch. one

word count: 2.9k+ ( putting this now yay :3 )

a/n: hey hi hello~ i’m back with another series! i was gonna wait until my semester’s done but my patience’s killing me and i don’t wanna keep you all waiting so here you go! ♡ enjoy! ~j

“serenity is found somewhere between the sky and the sand.” you read the font words on the minimalist frame. it was a quote you heard in an ongoing, constant dream that you thought was needed to be drawn and remembered. in it, the quote was a voice as if a narrator spoke those words to begin something new. the scenery you ask? every place was different but there was always a horizon. the dream was vague and raised a lot of question marks in your mind the moment you wake up.

you hung the item on the wall, marking the end of unpacking your things since moving in days ago. the mess was finally cleared out and the boxes were emptied and folded briefly, lined on one side of the wall. you slouched low in exhaustion, sliding your home slippers across the white marbled floor. it was squeaking even, that only explained how much of a neat freak you were. a new apartment, simple furniture and man oh man, you have an automatic vacuum with a sensor that you didn’t have to worry about the dirt at the annoying, impossible corners.

independence was something you were blessed with despite being an orphan as early as two. uncle caleb; a friend of your father’s and aunt jenn; your mother’s half-sister, gladly took you in as their own.

honestly the mention of your beloved felt like they were still alive and just working abroad, because they were always reminded and talked about from your uncle and aunt. you had a striking resemblance with your mother, but the ways were your father’s. ‘a perfect combination of the two’, was how they described the child they never wanted to leave behind.

the door bell rang and the small screen showed your childhood— and best friend, eunha. she waved at the super tiny camera and had some flowers and bento boxes with her, all packed and nicely decorated. you pressed the button for her to enter. whilst you waited, you played an hour long track list of soothing, chill, instrumental songs to make the apartment a little noisy. one thing’s for sure, silent cleaning was not a good habit since you tend to procrastinate, oops. 

eunha greeted you a hug so tight, placing down the things she brought with her. “y/n! i’m so glad we’re living so close to each other!” she hugged you and fanned herself as if that would stop her eyes from welling. “how’s everything with you? you should’ve called me honey! you know i’ll be coming straight away to help! i have a hotline like the powerpuff girls has.” she winked.

“i’m great! i crossed out the things i completed and now free from the stress. i’m ready for the new semester.” you gestured her to sit, inviting her for the meal you prepared. “well i am the bubbles to your blossom~ but it’s really okay! i managed and here we are talking freely without stressing over things.”

her hands held yours and swung them with excitement. “after we eat, do you want me to bring you around town? there’s a vinyl record store i think you’ll like.” her voice beaming as she singsonged, chewing on the pancake with whipped cream and blueberries.

“it’s still 9 a.m. we have loads of time in the world.” you showed your watch.

the leaves began to fall and you twirled around the sidewalk’s lamppost. eunha took pictures of you, happiness written on your face. you both entered the said shop. records displayed and hung on the wall, posters of legendary artists and worldwide singers encouraging customers to come in.

your hands trailed along the shelf that had new and limited turntables. as much as you were itching to pull out your wallet, there were other important things you needed to worry about and independence meant discipline too. your fingers curled and hesitated, just inches left before you could touch the surface of the one thing you’ve always wanted to purchase.

eunha giggled at your whiney, surrendered self. your back turning away from the product and walking towards her. “y/n.” she called your name, but this certain tone was serious and was more of a reminder.

“i know.” you smiled as you wiggled your phone with the ever precious wallpaper of yours.

“oh! your aunt’s calling you.” she hopped and pointed at the device, making you sliding fingers on the screen a second later. she gestured that she’d head out and wait for you.

“hi aunt jenn.” you greeted on the phone, only to extend your arm slightly at the baby’s cry on the other line. “aw he’s crying again?”

“yes y/n. i’ll be heading to work soon. can you come here?” she chuckled, though it was obvious she had the baby in her arms.

you exited the store and pulled eunha, crossing the pedestrian. “alright, i’ll be on my way.”

the office was dead silent and not one soul dared to speak. three figures stood in front of the angered woman; their continuous fiddles of the fingers and tapping of the toes became faster as they tried to come up with a reason to tell. just one. only the ticking of the clock on the table was heard. it was getting harder and harder to breathe even in a hundred square meter room.

“where is he?!” she yelled. the three flinched and were taken aback, hands either behind them or wrapped around an arm. the door then flung opened, revealing the said guy.

“young man, how can you be so inconsiderate?!” the woman asked again, this time it was in an annoying range of decibel that the listeners had to endure the volume. 

jaehyun brushed past the ‘meeting’ and sat in one of the leather chairs. his legs rested on the centered table, obviously not bothering to listen. “so, being a minute late concludes my actions in general?” he chuckled bitterly, spinning the chair around before standing up again.

“i couldn’t care less,” he now glared at the woman. “about this damn meeting. what is it for, anyway?! wasting my time!”

he left the room and the woman rubbed her temples, swinging her palms to tell the rest of the three to follow the young man. “jaehyun.” yunho called his brother, reaching a hand out to grab him, successfully turning the lad around.

“what?” jaehyun snapped, removing the grip onto his body.

krystal rolled her eyes, the pungent smell entering her nostrils. “you reek, jae.”

“you went drinking again, didn’t you? i could smell the moment you came into the office.” yunho asked, pressing the button of the lift to head down.

“when will you learn, honestly?” jessica fixed her bag on her arm. “grow up.”

jaehyun clapped his hands, applauding the expected words that woman instructed his siblings to do. “me? learn? i already did. i just won’t follow orders from that silver digger.”

“gold*.” they corrected him.

“see you’re still drunk.” krystal meddled with her new manicure, earning a nudge from jessica.

“whatever, noona. you get my point either way.” jaehyun fished out his car keys to toss them up high, whistling his heart out at his favourite tune.

they exited the building and got on the car. he dropped off his sisters at the blanc and eclare flagship headquarters, then drove to a nearby restaurant for lunch with yunho. they entered the place and went to the reserved table. jaehyun sat and loosened the buttons of his polo, removing the neck tie and sat back.

yunho stared at his carefree little brother, he put the menu down so he could maybe give him a little serious talk. he understood why jaehyun acted the way he did earlier. even he himself could do the same but given the circumstances of his standing in the family, of course he’d be the mature one. he was the first child anyway.

“got anything you want?” yunho asked, removing his sunglasses then placing them in its case. “i’ll pay.”

“nah, let me pay for my own meal, hyung.” he flashed a small smile. “i got my pay check.”

“so you still do have a heart.” yunho jokingly stated the overseen fact.

“c’mon you’re smarter than that doctor jung.” jaehyun said the occupation title in a childlike tone. “you should know why i’m filled with hatred towards the woman.”

“hatred is such a strong word, offensive even. but seriously jae, how long are you going to keep up with this behavior? the next thing you know it, you’re out of the penthouse.”

yunho raised his hands to order. the young lad didn’t dare to answer and he sighed at the usual unresponsive manner whenever they hit this certain topic. “look i know for the longest time she treated us like how captain george von trapp did to his kids. i get it. you hated how she uses out-of-the-world discipline and i totally understand that-”

jaehyun scoffed, disbelief clearly written on his face. “i was six when she entered our lives. a kid that age couldn’t handle being shoved around just because he thought there was no difference between boxers and pajama shorts. the sound of music is cool reference by the way.”

“you did have confused mind back then. and what else can i compare it with? she probably took the idea from there.” yunho laughed as he handed the utensils and handkerchief. “but still though, i suggest you man up and act like you do with dad. just be yourself.”

“easier said than done.” jaehyun began slicing his steak and popping one bit into his mouth.

“what makes you so stone cold towards her anyway?” he asked, fixing the handkerchief by his lap.

“simple.” jaehyun stated the obvious even if he knew that yunho knew the answer.

“she’s not mom.”

eunha brought you to the restaurant that opened not long ago. the interior was eye-catching yet even with its simplicity, it was able to attract customers from outside. the smell of dishes that were yet to be served was luring and probably the reason why eunha chose the place. the waiters led you to the a table and soon came back with a baby chair. you placed the little un in it and he smiled with pearls trying to peek out.

you fixed the bib around him and booped his nose. gurgles of his hoarse laughs made everyone at your area turn to him. “ooh you sure are the spotlight stealer, aren’t you? these people are already taking a picture of you.”

“gosh he has the cutest smile.” eunha melted at the sight of him grabbing the tissue. “looky here!” she aimed her camera at him. “y/n, what’re you getting?”

you pondered for a while before your eyes landed at the name your stomach was craving for the past week. moving apartments had a toll on you— that resulted in you unable to cook your favourite meal. up until this morning were you finally found the time to do that. hence the breakfast eunha devoured within seconds.

“i’m getting fish & chips, and the classic steak.” your stomach growled at the picture beside it.

“alright, i guess i’m getting the same as yours.” eunha raised her hand.

the waiter came to your table to kindly ask for your orders. when you did so and thanked the man, a wallet fell from your right side. picking it up to give it to the owner, a large hand lightly touched yours and you looked up to see two men smiling softly.

“thank you.” the man in a suit said, taking the wallet from you.

“you’re welcome.” you answered. the man looked awfully familiar, as if he was on every commercial the screen had offered to show.

you and eunha shared a look. the telepathic words exchanged between the both of you had your eyes agreeing with what you saw, confirming his identity.

“he’s that celebrity doctor.” eunha mouthed. “dr. jung yunho, a paediatrician.”

“he seems a happy child. how old is he if i may ask?” he waved at him.

“this little guy here, just turned one few days ago.” you said, wiping off the drool with the bib.

“oh precious. belated happy birthday buddy.” he greeted.

you turned to the little one and carried him in your arms, waving his hands to thank the man. as you continued have your lunch and taking turns in feeding him and yourself, you noticed some movement where other children would approach the child on your lap. they would pinch his cheeks lightly and made faces they thought would make him laugh.

then the two men beside you stood. but before they left, yunho took a something out of his pockets and handed it to you.

it was a business card of his own practice office with an address and contact information. “if there’s anything you need help with, just give me a call and this guy-” he pointed at jaehyun and pat his back. “-will pick you and birthday boy up and head to my office.”

“hyung!” jaehyun gasped loudly, later covering his hands at the volume of his complaint. “sorry, i don’t mean it in a negative way.” he smiled awkwardly at you.

“no worries.” you gave him a sincere smile and he swore he felt like the world slowed down. everything else blurred where the only focus was you; how your hair length waved below your shoulders and your eyes sparkled with the sun’s reflection.

this young fine man though, whom you thought wasn’t paying attention or interest to, was now staring at you like he had a thousands of questions to ask to fill in his curiosity. “see you around.” yunho bid you goodbye, and the other trailed from behind.

eunha poked your shoulder with an intention of a tease. she grinned and you knew where she would go from there. “i know what you’re gonna say.” you rolled your eyes, yet a faint smile was evident in your lips.

“really?” her tone was very challenging. “i’ll test you. go ahead.”

“‘dr. jung yunho is so handsome! he’s so dreamy in real life! i should’ve asked for his photograph and boast it to my friends!’ yeah, i guess it’s somewhere along those lines.” you mimicked her voice and expression, not to mention gestures as well, especially the hands.

“yah i don’t act like that!” she defended, but there wasn’t any denial as she said that. “well, maybe. you’re not wrong though.”

“hmpf. and here you went ‘test me’.” you giggled, giving another piece of fish fillet to the one-year old. “and for the record, i’m always right whenever i’m proving you wrong.”

“fine you win.” she sipped her juice from a straw. “oh! hey, the guy he’s with is also handsome.”

you nodded in agreement at the obvious fact, although he did have tiny temperment. but that was only due to dr. yunho’s sudden suggestion. “he looked young. maybe his younger brother perhaps?” you wondered.

“hm. i haven’t seen him before. not on screen at least.” eunha chewed on her food. you raised a brow since you have no idea what she was talking about. “that doctor we conversed with, is from a family of good looking people. he has two younger sisters; jessica and krystal jung. the older one is the founder and endorser of blanc and eclare, while the younger one is an nationwide actress.”

“wow.” your eyes grew at the far/fetched level of these people. “sounds like an ideal family out of a manhwa.”

“egg-xactly.” she pointed at you with a hard boiled egg by her fork.

“that guy called him ‘hyung’ though. looked like to me they know each other. plus they have resemblance too.” you wiped your lips clean from the possible stain.

“oh dear ms. y/n.” eunha called you, her palms touching her chest as if she was surprised. “you have the hots for guys like him, which was why you-”

“ah-ah.” you glared at her, making her shush and zipping the imagination by her lips. “don’t talk about that.”

“bummer, i wasn’t even gonna.” eunha pouted but held your hand anyway. “i’ll always be here for you, y/n.”

“thank you.” you gave her a warm smile.

jaehyun waited by the entrance while his brother paid their meal. although he was bummed out that he wasn’t able to pay for his, he was somehow relieved. because once that cash was out of his pockets, he’d be broke the next time he goes to drink again.

at the corners of his eyes, he could still see you and your friend, as well as the adorable child seated on your lap. you were giving him a spoonfuls for airplane feeding.

yunho gestured jaehyun that they were leaving the restaurant. “hyung, why did you say that i’d pick her up?” he asked as he took a quick glance at you.

“c’mon i’m just playing around.” he nudged jaehyun.

“by matchmaking me to some random girl?” he scoffed. “you sure got a lot of time in your hands.”

“don’t take it too seriously jae.” yunho went ahead, leaving his brother flabbergasted.

he then shrugged it off and looked at you before stepping out. his ears perked up at the three second long conversation exchanged between you and the child.

“jaewon, look! mommy’s got an airplane~”

jaehyun stopped in his tracks by the entrance. his head quickly turning to you again. your lips mouthed the one word that shock hit his entire body. you weren’t just some random girl,

you were the mother of that child.

[shanedawsonfanfiction-blog]

But I Am Not A Superhero. Chapter 2.

Chapter Two. November 22, 2017.

It had been a few days since Shane asked me to visit him and I told him that I would. I was sitting in the living room, in gray sweatpants, a black tank top and gray hooded sweatshirt. It was sort of chilly so my eight-something pound body was cold. My mother and Sophia had already left for work and school, so I was utterly all alone. Well, besides the pets, of course. I was watching ‘Live with Kelly and Ryan’ while I sipped my coffee when my phone dinged.

‘I wonder who that might be.’

I knew it wasn’t Shane because he went to bed an hour ago.  I put my blue coffee cup down and grabbed my phone, then I looked at it. I had a Facebook message from my best online friend, Jennifer who lived in Salem, Oregon. She was a mother of an autistic sixteen year boy.

We met on a Harry Potter Facebook group about a year ago and we soon became very close, in so many ways I thought of her as a much older sister. I actually hadn’t messaged her in a few days because I was totality sidetracked by Shane and packing for my trip.

Jenn- Good morning, I haven’t heard from you in a few days, so I am checking on you. How are you? Are you doing okay? Did your depression hit you again?

I clicked on the message bar and typed out my message to her then I hit send.

Jessa- Hey! I am doing okay, just been kinda busy. I have huge news! No depression, I am actually happy.

I put down my phone next to my right thigh so it would be easier for me to pick it back up. I picked up my coffee cup and took some sips from it. I was kind of watching the show that was on. I never actually watched ‘Live’.

I just turned on the news in the morning when I got up around seven o’clock each morning then around eleven in the morning when ‘The View’ turned on that is when I would change the channel to ION so I could watch my crime shows for the rest of the day.

I have a very boring life. I thought to myself as I sipped my coffee.

I heard my phone ding again and I picked it up as I put my coffee cup down on the end table that was next to me on my left.

Jenn- Happy is good! Why are you happy? What is your news?

I smiled softly as I typed out my message with my two thin boney thumbs. People said that when they either got a message from me or saw me texting that said I typed really fast. Never knew why I typed fast, I just knew that I always typed fast.

Jessa- I am going to be in California for a while starting on Dec. 7th. I am very happy and very excited.

I didn’t tell her about Shane, because obviously she wouldn’t believe me. I mean come on, actually knowing a semi-famous person, yeah right. Nobody would believe me.

I picked up my coffee and took a few sips from it, I was finally waking up.

Bella jumped up next to me and put her little head on my lap, I petted her with my free hand, “I know, sweetie. You hate it when Momma is gone at work. She’ll be home later tonight, I promise.” I told her then stood up, “I’ll be right back.” I said as she gave me a sad look, “I said I will be right back.” I shook my head at her.

I walked to the bathroom and I did my business then washed my hands. I walked back out to the small hallway and tripped over Persephone’s sister, Lucy. She was a very pretty looking tuxedo short haired cat. Lucy was playing with a small orange pom-pom. I caught myself with a hand on the wall, “Silly cat.” I said softly then walked back to the couch.

Bella sat up so that I could sit back down in my spot, “Thank you for keeping my seat warm for me, sweetie-pie.” I patted her head, “Did my phone ding?” I asked her as if she could answer me, I knew perfectly well that she couldn’t. I checked it and saw nothing. I put my phone back down then pulled my legs up onto the couch so that I could get more comfortable.

I must’ve fallen asleep because when Bella and Tobias started barking at something I jerked awake, “What?” I asked, completely startled.

I looked out the huge bay window and saw the mailman walking off of the porch, “Oh shut up, he brings us nice things. He even brings you your toy box.” I said to the dogs. Bella got a monthly box called ‘Bark Box’. She would get two toys that fit her size and she would two or three full size bags of heathy treats.

I picked up my phone and unlocked it, to see if I gotten any messages while I was asleep. I realized that I slept for an hour when I looked at my phone. I had one new message from Jennifer waiting for me, so I clicked on it and read her message.

Jenn- Just you? Or are you going with your family?

I quickly typed out my message then hit send.

Jessa- I am going on my own! I am going to stay with a friend of mine for a while.

I grabbed my empty coffee cup and stood up, walked to the kitchen to make another cup of coffee. Bella of course, followed me. When I reached the counter where the coffee maker was, she brushed against my right leg, letting me know that she was beside me.

“Hi, baby.” I said softly to her, “I know you gotta follow Momma and you follow me when she isn’t home, because you are still a baby at heart.”  Bella was a five year old but still acted like a five month old.

I brewed myself a cup of coffee and added some Reese’s creamer then walked back to the living room.

Tobias was sniffing around the end table where my coffee cup was sitting on while I was sleeping, obviously looking for food or something to chew on. He was nearly a year old and still acted like a two month old.

“What are you doing?” I said to him raising my eye brows. He gave me that ‘I am a sad dog’ look and jumped down slowly, “Thank you.” I said as I sat down.

I drank my second cup of coffee as I thought of the things that I would bring with me to California. I knew that I would bring a few books, because I was almost always reading a book. I also knew that Shane was a night owl as I was an early bird, so most likely I would be alone in the early mornings, so I needed stuff to entertain me while he was asleep.

Then I thought of what I had in my black dresser drawer, I chewed my lower lip, I lost my coloring in my face, “Would Mom poke around my room while I am gone?” I asked out loud, knowing that the pets couldn’t answer me, “Or what about Sophia?” I made a face. She used to snoop around my room when I was out with friends, I knew this because stuff would be moved and whenever I asked my mother she would say it wasn’t her and I’d have my door shut so I knew it wasn’t any of the pets. So, obviously I was worried she’d find my X-rated drawer that I had in my bedroom.

I quickly left my seat on the couch and walked into my room and crouched down to open the bottom black dresser drawer, I grabbed my two glass dildos and my flesh colored nine inch realistic dildo then I placed them all in a plastic bag. Then placed the plastic bag in the blue bag that my other mindless stuff would be packed into, “Hopefully Shane won’t want to help me unpack. That would be awkward.” I muttered softly as I zipped up the blue bag that was besides my bed.

My mother knew about one of the glass dildos but she didn’t know that I added to the collection, so I was afraid that she would freak out and who knew what she would do with them.  

I walked back out to the living room and found Bella’s face in my coffee cup, “There is nothing in there, you silly girl.” I told her shooing her from my spot on the couch.

‘What is with my pets and coffee?’

I heard my phone ding again, Jennifer must’ve messaged me again, so I looked at my phone and read the message then replied to her.

Jenn- That is amazing! You will have a great time.

Jessa- I hope so! I am kinda scared too but excited more than anything else.

After I replied to Jennifer, I watched mindless television for about an hour without any messages coming through, so I almost fell back to sleep.  

About a half hour of trying not to sleep, I heard Shane’s ringtone. I found myself smiling as I answered it, “Hey, I thought you were going to sleep?” I asked, jokingly.

I heard him roll over and sheet covers rustle, so he was still in bed. I tried not to imagine him in bed, but it was hard. I wondered what he wore to bed. “I tried to but the ghosts wouldn’t let me.” He sighed heavily.

He had done a few videos talking about his three ghosts that he had at his house. One of the ghosts was a younger man, which actually followed him from his other house that he had with his mother. Another one was his grandma, and then the last was an older man that actually died in his house that he was living in now.

‘Creepy.’

So the ghosts that he had at his house weren’t that too dangerous, they were just pranksters and his grandma just kept a watchful eye on him. Even knowing about them, I still wanted to visit him. Unexplained noises and seeing dark shadows didn’t bother me like other “normal” people.

It was because I believed in ghosts. I have ever since I was a young child. When I was about nine years old, we lived in Novi, Michigan we were living in an apartment and I swore that my bathroom was haunted. It was always ice cold in there even when it was in the summer and I never felt alone in there when I was alone.

“Stupid ghosts.” I told him, folding my legs so that I was in a ball on the couch, “Did you know that in one of your many food videos that there was an orb that shoot across the counter behind you?”

Shane didn’t sound shocked, “My drunken foods video? Yeah, I saw the orb when I edited the video. I left that bit in the video to see if any viewers would spot it.”

“I remember you saying that Cheeto was hissing and meowing at you in the beginning of the video, well that was probably why. I know that animals can sense ghosts and whatnot.” I said to him as I watched Lucy and Persephone play around on the cream colored cat tree that was next to the huge bay window.

“I know. Cheeto can sense the ghosts in my house.” He said then he sighed then I heard him move covers from his bed then heard footsteps, “Give me a few seconds. I gotta pee.”

“I had heard you pee before, Shane. It had been years ago. So it’s okay.” I said, blushing slightly. Thankfully he made it so I couldn’t actually hear him. He probably put the phone to his chest or something.

In one of his older videos, he had peed kind of on camera. Don’t worry, none of the viewers could see anything that they shouldn’t have seen. If you get what I am trying to say, he wouldn’t been able to post that kind of video on YouTube. All the viewers could see was his face and nothing else. He was very open with his viewers.

The video in question was called ‘This Video Is Too Personal.’

I heard the flush then he washed his hands, “I am so tired but I need to finish editing videos and post the one for today.”

“You work a lot.” I said, sighing softly, “You post four videos a week and edit the ones you already videotaped. You have been doing YouTube for ten plus years without any major breaks. As I remember you always posted every day on all three of your channels for years.”

“Trust me, I am well aware.” He said laughing slightly, “I probably have the longest running YouTube channel ever.” I heard the coffee maker brewing so he was in his kitchen.

‘He was right, though. He made his first ‘Shane Dawson TV’ video in 2008 and he hadn’t stopped ever since.’

“That is fucking crazy. At least you love what you are doing. You do love what you are doing, right? I said, playing with a strain of my hair that was in my right eye and bothering me.

“Of course I do! I adore what I do on YouTube. Trust me, if I hated what I was doing, I’d fucking stop. But as of right now, I have no plans on stopping, maybe doing three videos per week instead of four.”

I heard him move the phone away from his mouth as he holler something to Uno and then I heard him feed both Cheeto and Uno, “Sorry about that, Uno was acting like an ass.”

“No problem, I understand.” I said smiling at Bella, who was looking at me with her Cocker Spangler looking ears raised slightly so that they looked like little furry pigtails. “My dogs are assholes at feeding times.” I looked at Persephone and Lucy who were fast asleep on the cat tree, “The cats are even more assholes than the dogs though.”

He heard his laugh again, “I get that, I had some cats that were assholes.” I heard him open a cupboard door and him setting a pan on his stove.

‘He was probably making himself breakfast. We made a weird pair, he ate his feelings while I drowned myself with galleons of coffee and hardly ever ate a full meal.’

I laughed with him, “Yeah. Cute, furry lovable assholes that have claws.” I petted Bella’s ears, “I’ll always be an animal lover. Maybe even be a crazy cat lady.”

“I could see that. You always said that you loved cats.” Shane said, “I wouldn’t mind having a houseful of dogs and cats.”

I laughed, twirling that same strain of my hair, “I also thought of something that we could do while I am there, we could have a horror movie marathon. I know you have a lot of great horror movies.”

“I do, so that sounds like a plan. Maybe we can start on the first night you get here.” He actually sounded excited and I couldn’t help it but I smiled, because it was so adorable.

“So that I would be too scared to sleep? Oh great idea, Shane.” I shook my head a little, “I do love horror movies but I don’t like watching them at night because I won’t be able to sleep.”

I could hear him talking softly to someone then I heard the sound of shopping bags or something like that, then he came back on the phone, “Sorry my weekly food delivery has just arrived. I’m back.”

“You get your food delivered for you?” I asked, half amused and the other half in shock as I shook my head a little.

“Yup, I just put what I want on a list and a person gets the food for me then delivers it to my house.” He said, putting away his food delivery away.

“I knew that you use Uber now but I didn’t actually you used that food delivery thing also. Perks of being rich, I guess.” I joked, standing up and walking to the kitchen, searching for something to snack on. Not because I was hungry but because I was bored.

“No, not because I am rich, you could use it too. It’s an app.” Shane said, balling up the bags, I had to pull away the phone from my ear as he did so because it was a loud noise. Then he threw the bags away, “It’s easier than actually going shopping and dealing with other customers. Now back to the subject of movies, you know damn well that I’d protect you at night. I wouldn’t mind wrapping my arms around while you tried to sleep either.”

My stomach did a cart wheel while my heart stopped and my mouth went dry. I had to remind myself to take a breath.

‘He was just messing around. You know, Shane just being Shane.’ I told myself shaking my head.

“Yeah, yeah.” I said as I found a four snack pack of chocolate puddings and I grabbed two then a spoon. I pealed one open as I walked back to the living room and took a few bites.

“What are you doing?” Shane asked, “You sound like you are hunting for food or something. Did I make you hungry?”

“Kinda, yeah. I am eating a few things of those pudding snack things.” I said as I scooped another mouthful and put it in my mouth, “I think a veteran group that gives us food sometimes gave us the pudding packages.”

“A veteran group?” Shane asked me.

“I thought I told you a while ago, my mother and father were in the Air Force, so Mom found a Facebook group bout a year ago to help us for things. Like for example, they helped us move. Like with people to move boxes and heavy things. Then every other weekend they send us a few boxes of food and other items like soap, shampoo, and toothpaste.”

“That is awesome. Please tell Momma Barnum that I say thank you for her service.” Shane told me then I heard the noise that an oven makes when you turned it on.

“Of course, I will.” I said, smiling softly, twirling the spoon in my hand, then took another mouthful.

“Oh, that is why you guys were in Germany! That makes sense now.” Shane exclaimed and I swallowed my mouthful of pudding before I laughed.

“Hey don’t laugh at me, missy. It’s early here and I haven’t gone to bed yet.” He said, I could him moving around and then I heard eggs cracking against the pan.

“You are making eggs?” I asked Shane.

“Yes, I am.”

I took another bite, finishing up my first pudding cup, “So you do know how to cook?” I asked jokingly, “From watching some of your videos, I was scared that you didn’t know how.”

“Actually, yes I do know how to cook. Mom taught me so I cook somewhat well, there is some things that I have trouble with, but all in all I’m a good cook.” He said after he laughed.

“That is great, I was worried we’d have Taco Bell every single night or something.” I joked again.

“Nah, not every night.” Shane said, I heard him moving around his kitchen, probably getting a plate and a fork for his eggs, “Trust me, I won’t starve you. You will be well fed while you are here.”

“I am glad, I am used to Mom’s homemade cooking.” I told Shane, then I heard a soft ding, telling me that I just got a message. I quickly put Shane on speakerphone so I could see who messaged me.

It was my mother.

Mom- Headed home, had a low blood sugar problem at work and they told me to go home. Want something to eat?

“I get that completely.” Shane said with his mouthful of egg.

I texted my mother as I spoke, “How is your breakfast? I love scrambled eggs with peppers and hot sauce.”

Jess- That’s scary. I am in the mood for Burger King. You know what I like from there.

“Yes, very good. What are you doing? I can hear you typing.” He asked with another mouthful of egg. It didn’t bother me that he talked with his mouthful of food.

“Mom texted me, so I texted her back. She had a low sugar problem at work and they sent her home for the rest of the day. She asked if I wanted anything to eat from anywhere.”

“That sounds awful. Is she diabetic?” He asked, concerned. My heart melted, knowing that he cared about my mother, even though he hadn’t even met her.

“Oh yeah, she is fine, she probably drank some orange juice or ate a few pieces of chocolate to raise it. She has had diabetes since she was pregnant with Sophia, so she knows what to do. Thank you for your concern about her, though. That means a lot to me.” I told him.

“Of course. She sounds like a badass. Serving in the Air Force, raising a physically disabled child completely on her own for most of your childhood, having diabetes. She raised you wonderfully, you are sweet but you can kick some ass if need be. You are well rounded you don’t have your hand out for things. You take risks and don’t wait for people to make things happen for you.”

I felt my cheeks reddening as he spoke, I ate my last pudding cup in four bites then took care of my trash, “Thank you.” I put my spoon in a bowl that had water already in it then walked back in the living room, I heard Mom pull into the driveway, “Mom is home now.”

I walked back to the living room so that I could grab Bela’s collar s it would a little easier when Mom walked into the front door with the fast food.

“Oh, do you want me to let you go?” Shane asked me, he sounded like he was outside in his backyard, probably taking Uno outside.

“Only if you want to.” I said softly, not really wanting to hang up, I actually could talk to him all day long, but I knew that he had other things to do.

“I feel dead on my feet, so I am going to try to sleep. Tell Momma Barnum that I say hi.” He said to me.

“Will do.” I told him then saw that Tobias ran to the front door like I feared, “Hey, Tob come back here.” I said to Tobias as my mother walked in and Shane said, “I’ll call you later.”

“Okay, Shane. Bye.” I muttered softly.

“Bye Jess.” Then Shane hung up. I tossed my phone on the couch besides me, “Tob!” I hollered at him, getting upset that Tobias was not moving.

“Get back, dumb dog. Let me in.” My mother said, holding a Burger King fast food bag and a large soda. Tobias was bouncing around in tiny the entry way, not really letting my mother inside the rest of the house, luckily I had Bella so it wasn’t too jammed up for Mom to get inside the house.

“Tob! Move, you big dumb dog.” I hollered at him and then finally he laid back down on his blanket. Bella was still lying next to me because I still had a hold of her own collar so that she wouldn’t jump on Mom.

After Mom walked in and shut the heavy wooden door. I let Bella go so she could sniff Mom to see where she was before she got home.

“Was that Shane?” My mother asked me, pointing at my phone that was still lilt up and beside me. She smiling softly at me. I nodded my head, smiling back at her, “Yes it was.”

She handed me a large soda from Burger King, “I got you a burger, onion rings and an A&W root beer. All your favorites.” She sat down, kicking off her purple nursing shoes.

I took the soda and set it down on the end table besides my coffee cup as she put the bag on a wheeled tray that I used for all sorts of things, but I mainly used the tray to eat on.

“So, do you still like him?” My mother asked me, I bit my lower lip as I unwrapped my burger, utterly silent. My mother eyed me, “Oh Jess, you do! Why can’t you just admit it to yourself? He is a nice guy, also not bad on the eyes.”

“Mom! He is my age that is just gross!” I wrinkled my nose then I pretended to gag.

She gave me a side look, “I meant for you. He seems to like you also.”

I cocked my head at her, grabbing the messy burger, “Mom, please stop. He is just a friend. A very best friend. Nothing more, so shut up.” I said then took a bite.

“I am not blind, Jessa. I can see it, you do have feelings for him. You’ve always had feelings for him.” She said as Bella jumped on her lap and she wrapped her arms around Bella, “Hey sweetie. Yes, Momma is home for the rest of the day.”

“Fine.” I sighed, “Sure. I like Shane, but he’ll never like me back.” I shook my head as I swallowed my bite, pushing back my bit of hair that flopped into my eye as I shook my head, “He said a long time ago that he thought of me as a younger sister. Would you ever want to date someone who you thought of as a sibling?”

She wrinkled her thin nose, “Oh. Well, it had been years since you two had talked. Feelings can change. He did suggest for you to visit him, not any of his other friends.”

I thought of what she just said, chewing my food. She did have a point, like most mothers. He did suggest for me to visit, none of his local friends, none of his guy friends. He asked me. His female friend that he had for years.

‘Maybe his feelings changed, but how? We hadn’t talked in years.’

--

It was around three o’clock and I was waiting for Shane’s new video to be posted. I already knew what it was about because he had tweeted about it and told me over a phone call. In the video was about him selling a very used pair of his underwear. He just wanted to see how much the bidding would up to in a twenty-four hour period.

I clicked the refresh button my YouTube webpage that I had open on my laptop and saw that his video was there on top. He just posted it!

I clicked on it and watched it with my headphones in. I had learned fairly early on that if I watched any of his videos I needed headphones, because one day when I was twenty-three I had thought I was home alone so I decided not to have headphones in while binge watched Shane’s videos. Unfortunately I wasn’t home alone, Step Father Number Two was home and rushed into my room, thinking I was watching gay porn.

How embarrassing!

So yeah, no matter what, I always had headphones in while I watched his videos, just to be careful. After I watched the video I decided to text Shane, to tell him that I watched his most recent video.

Jessa- I just saw the underwear video, I can’t believe you were able to post that bid for a little while, till they contacted you to tell you to take the bid down.

It wasn’t even ten minutes later and he was calling me, I answered it right away, “Hi, I just texted you because I didn’t want to bother you if you were filming or something.”

“No problem, if I am filming I tend to have the sound off on my phone so it won’t be in the video. So did you like the video?” Shane said.  

I walked to my bed and flopped backwards, landing on the middle of the bed, “I liked it. It was a little different from your usual videos. Thankfully you used a better pair of your underwear.” I smiled to myself, remembering when he did a closet tour one year and showed all of his holey underwear.

‘Ew!’

“I had those pair since before I dated Lisa.” He said, laughing a little, “So they are very used.”

“If eBay didn’t call you and ask you to take the bid down, would you actually give them away?” I asked him, full of curiosity.

“No, I was actually thinking of taking the post down before I got the call.” Shane said, “It was a joke that got out of hand. Besides I wouldn’t know what to do with that sort of money.”

‘Shane was being humble. I loved that.’

Having fame didn’t get into his head and change him in any way, like most ‘YouTube celebrities’. He was the same old Shane before his fame hit. He didn’t even consider himself as a celebrity. But he did have two #1 hit books, he had a well-known movie and merch. He was even mentioned in a few gossip videos on a few gossip YouTube channels.

“You could’ve saved it and used it while I visit, or gave it away to charity, or gave it to Momma Yaw.” I said, listing just a few choices for him, “Momma Barnum would’ve fainted if you gave it to her.”

“You got a point.” Shane said softly, “Oh well, the post is gone. I might bid another item of clothing or something else though, so who knows.”

“Maybe your conspiracy theory shirt.” I suggested to him.

“That would be cool.” He agreed with me.

--

We were still talking on the phone and it was close to midnight my time, I was sitting next to black wooden short bookshelf, debating on which books I’d be taking with me. I already had a small pile of books on my bed. The pile had my copies of the Harry Potter series, The Lord of the Rings, The Fault In Our Stars, I had added the saga called The Crossfire Series, they were like the Fifty Shades series, but slightly different, then lastly in the pile a few books I had gotten from my nocturnal book box that I gotten every month.

“I can hear you mumbling to yourself, what are you doing?” Shane asked me.

“I am debating on what sort of books I should bring with me.” I told him, putting the small pile of books in my blue bag.

“You are actually bringing books?” Shane said, dumbfounded. Shane hardly ever read books and yet he wrote two on his own. “Why? I won’t leave you alone, so you don’t need to bring things to entertain yourself.”

As he said that my eyes locked onto the plastic bag of sex toys and I blushed a deep red, “I know but I am an early bird and you are a night owl, what will I do while you are dead to the world?”

“Watch television or movies, play with Cheeto or Uno...” He laughed slightly, “Bring whatever you want, Jess. I was just messing with you.”

I removed The Fault In Our Stars and put it in my oversized purse that I was going to use as my carry-on, “I know you were messing with me.” I got up and pushed back my bed covers then climbed in, “I am getting tired, but I don’t want to stop talking to you.” I admitted softly, blushing.

I heard Shane sit on one of his couches, “We could stay on the phone until you fall asleep or we can stay on the phone till the morning.”  He suggested to me, then he took a gulp of something, knowing him, it was most likely soda.

“We can stay the phone until the morning, only if you want.” I muttered softly, getting comfortable in bed.

“That sound like a wonderful plan.” Shane said.

So we did that, we talked some more until my eyes finally gave up and closed.