#for one thing: my results are my business I’ll tell whoever I fuckin want. or not as the case may be

[ghoul--doodle]

My grandma is trying to bait me into having an argument with her-

[crashdevlin]

Centerfold 4- Memory’s Been Sold

Centerfold Masterlist

Author’s Note: Written for Meghan who requested some fluffy A/B/O smut and then I came up with an idea and ran with it. Smut will start after the plot is established. Also, this is gonna go toward my @spnabobingo​ squares. This chapter fills my Slutty Omega square and is rated E for Explicit.

Summary: Dean is living the normal-boring life with Lisa. When he opens the newest Playboy, he gets the shock of his life.

Pairing: Alpha!Dean x Beta!Lisa, Alpha!Dean x Reader (memory)

Word count: 2083

Story Warnings: A/B/O dynamics, 18+! HERE BE SEX!! DON’T READ IF YOU’RE A YOUNG’UN!!! , masturbation, pornography, mentions of multiple partners, mentions of fem-fem porn

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dean pulled his pickup into the gas station down the street from Lisa’s house...his house. He had a house. He had a home, a family, an 8-5 job on a construction crew. He had...a real life. A real boring life. He was bored, but he supposed it was normal to feel bored, right?

“Hey, Jerry. The coffee fresh?” Dean asked as he walked into the convenience store.

“Half hour old,” the clerk, Jerry, answered with a smile. “And, uh, it’s Tuesday!”

Dean chuckled as he grabbed a thick paper cup and poured dark, bitter liquid into it. “New mags came in, huh?”

“Yeah. The Penthouse center is hot as hell, man. Oh, and the Playmate of the Month is the hottest omega I’ve ever fuckin’ seen!”

Dean laughed as he fitted the top on the cup. “Well, bring ‘em out, man. You know I’m gonna buy ‘em.” He took a drink as he walked up to the counter. Jerry had a Penthouse and a Playboy on the counter already. “They’re that good, huh?”

“Dude...especially the omega Playmate, man. She is smoking hot.”

Dean set the coffee on the counter and picked up the Playboy, slipping it out of the sleeve and looking at the cover. The cover was a woman, Taffy Rose according to the tiny script on the bottom next to the photographer credit, in a strawberry-print bikini and bunny mask. Hot, but nothing special. Nothing different or new. But he flipped the magazine open to the center and gasped.

“Holy shit.” The bunny mask was gone, her body on full display except the bits of skin hidden by the pink feather boa. His throat went dry. His cock got hard in jeans. His head felt like it might explode.

“I know, right?!” Jerry exclaimed, happily. “Isn’t she the hottest thing you’ve ever seen?”

“Yeah. She’s the hottest thing I’ve ever…” Dean’s voice trailed off as he focused on her neck. No mark. He hoped they hadn’t photoshopped one out. She was the hottest thing he’d ever touched, tasted, the best thing he’d ever missed out on...Taffy Rose, Y/n Y/l/n...his omega. Dean cleared his throat and tried to close the magazine, but he couldn’t. She’d grown up so beautiful and he couldn’t take his eyes off of her. “She, uh...she been in anything I might’ve seen?”

“I don’t know, Dean. I’m Googling her name as soon as I get home. I suggest you do the same, man.”

“Yeah. Uh...I’m just gonna...I’m just gonna take the Playboy. I’ll get the Penthouse next time, Jer.” Dean threw a ten on the counter and walked out with the magazine, leaving his coffee behind and not even caring. He sat in his truck cab for a few minutes, staring at her photo. Y/n went into porn. Whoever would have thought that sweet little innocent young woman with the overprotective parents would- “Actually, no, that makes sense.”

He rubbed his hand over his erection as he looked at the ‘fuck me’ look in her eyes. It didn’t take long for his mind to drift back to her under him, holding him, letting out gasping cries as he fucked her, that look in her eyes as she dug her nails into his shoulders.

His cock softened as he remembered getting on the phone with her to tell her he was leaving.

He felt like he was going to cry when the line clicked. “Y/l/n Residence!”

“Y/n, it’s Dean.”

“Oh, hey! I just got finished washing every surface you touched,” she said, giggling. That giggle tugged at his heart. “I can’t wait to see you again, though. It was so worth the cleaning time.”

“Yeah, uh...it was awesome, baby, but...my, uh, my dad called.”

“Oh?” Dean could almost hear the heartbreak in her voice.

“Yeah. He...got word of a job in Connecticut. He’s pickin’ us up tomorrow.” There was silence on the line for a minute. “Y/n?”

“You’re leaving?” she squeaked.

“Yeah.” Dean had to fight the tears. “Yeah, we’re leaving.”

“But...what about...I...am I gonna get to see you again at all?”

“Not unless you can sneak out tonight. Dad’ll be here in the morning. We’ll be gone before noon.”

“Oh God.”

Dean took a deep breath and started the truck, driving home with a pit in his stomach. He immediately hid the magazine in his desk and sat in the rolling desk chair. He looked around to make sure Lisa and Ben were both out of the den area, hoping they were out of the house, before pulling up Google and searching for ‘Taffy Rose omega xxx’. Several thousand results popped up, so Dean went to the first. A video on Pornhub labeled ‘Sweet omega Taffy seduces her best friend Kat at a sleepover’. Dean swallowed and licked his lips, turning his volume down almost all the way and clicking on the video. She looked fairly innocent, without looking fake, which was a feat of its own considering he knew he was watching porn. The other actress wasn’t pulling it off anywhere near as well, especially the overacted reaction to ‘Taffy’ kissing her.

Dean could remember making out with her when she was just a little younger than the 18 year old she was pretending to be on his screen and it filled him with yearning to see her wrap her arms around this other woman’s neck and pull her in for a passionate kiss. He watched a little longer before hitting the back button and started searching through more and more results.

‘Omega Taffy Rose and her hot omega stepmom’ ‘Taffy Rose fucks her best friends’ ‘Sunny Sweets and Taffy Rose Turth or dare’ ‘Batgirl and Supergirl caught by Poison Ivy’

“Holy shit, she’s the hottest Supergirl,” Dean whispered, as he pulled his dick out of his jeans and started pumping it. It occurred to him, as he lazily jacked off and clicked through the ‘Taffy Rose’ tag on XNXX .com, that she was always with other women, usually other omegas. It took him forty minutes of clicking to find ‘Beta Brad Bull wants to know what omega tastes like’.

Not a single alpha in any of her videos, and not a mark on her neck, despite the fact that so many of her omega co-stars had marks that they had failed to cover no matter the makeup they used. And Brad and Taffy didn't go further than oral.

"That's weird," Dean whispered, tucking his dick back into his boxers but leaving the jeans open in a V. "Usually 'mega actresses are getting knotted every other scene."

He clicked off of the porn site and went back to Google, searching 'Taffy Rose alpha'. He found several blogs asking why a porn actress was unmated, some wondering how she could be in this business without fear of being taken by force, and some judging her for doing porn in the first place, but eventually he found an interview with her. He turned up the volume a bit and started it.

"Taffy, you have just burst on the scene and you've been staring in so many films this past year, it's crazy how popular you are all of a sudden!"

"Yeah, it is. I mean, I just started this as a fun way to make some money and now it's a full-on career!" Dean gasped at her voice. It was deeper than he remembered, seasoned with age, but that giggle at the end was exactly the same. That giggle made his heart hurt.

"Well, as long as you're having fun, right?"

"Exactly!"

"Now, I've noticed, and I'm not the only one, that you seem to favor lesbian scenes. Is that a personal preference, a reference to your actual sexuality, or-"

"Oh, no! I love guys. I live for cock, but…” Dean’s dick twitched at that. Why did her voice sound so musical...especially saying something so filthy? “I don't fuck alphas and there's a lot more work for an omega willing to fuck another omega than an omega willing to fuck a beta."

"Now, why don't you fuck alphas? It would seem a natural thing for you, right?"

She looked down, a bit of the bashful teen girl showing on her face. "Um...I just...it's dangerous, since I'm not mated...and it's special, ya know?” She bit her bottom lip and looked back up and Dean’s jaw dropped. “I may be a slut, but I can't fuck some random alpha and take his knot. I've never taken a knot and...probably never will."

"Fuck, I'd give anything to have you on my knot, Y/n," Dean whispered as the door opened and Lisa and Ben entered. Dean scrambled to exit out of the browser and cover the open jeans with his t-shirt. Reality crashed down on him. There was his family. There was his beta girlfriend and her son...his boy whether by blood or not. “H-hey, honey. How was work?”

“It was good. How was your day, Dean?” she asked, walking over to the desk in the den.

“It was-it was a day,” he answered, tilting his head to allow her to kiss his cheek.

“What’s this?” Lisa asked, pulling open the half-closed desk drawer. She gasped and slammed the drawer closed when she saw the magazine. “I cannot believe you!” she snapped.

“Come on, Lees, it’s just a Playboy,” Dean defended.

“‘Just a Playboy’? Dean, you’re living with a teen boy now! You can’t have this stuff! You can’t expose him to-”

Dean scoffed and stood, looking down into her eyes. “Lisa, I promise you that boy knows about porn and knows how to find the good stuff online. My Playboy is probably too tame for him.”

“How dare you? Ben would never-”

“Yeah? Check his browser history.” Dean rolled his eyes and stepped around her, walking out of the house and to the garage. He grabbed the cover and pulled it up just enough to open the door and climb into the front seat of the Impala. He took a minute to let a wave of nostalgia roll over him at the feel and smell of his baby before he settled back, legs kicked out and jeans shimmied down enough to pull his cock out.

He closed his eyes and wrapped his fingers around his base. He could see Y/n in his mind. He could hear her laugh. He could see her smile, the way her eyes lit up when he said her name. He started moving his hand up and down his length as he remembered the way Y/n looked at him the first time he sunk his dick into her.

He ran his thumb across the head and gasped as he remembered her digging her nails into his shoulder muscles, how innocent she sounded when she said ‘I think you can go faster’, the way she whimpered with every thrust, the way she wrapped her legs around his waist and babbled his name, the way she whispered ‘harder’ and thanked him when he grabbed her white wood headboard and started pounding into her like the alpha he was. He wanted nothing more than to knot her, but she couldn’t take it.

She could take it now. He wanted to fill her and knot her and make her scream. He wanted to hear her moan and giggle and gasp and-

His breath caught as cum shot out of his cock, splashing over his hand. He gasped in a breath before another stream of semen left him. “Fuck.” Dean fucked himself through his climax until there was absolutely nothing left for him to give and then he slumped into the leather.

He was suddenly filled with despair. He found her. His omega, the one that got away, the one woman his mind returned to in quiet moments. He found her, but she was in the San Fernando Valley in California and he was in Cicero...with Lisa and her boring, normal life. Lisa and her son that she coddled. Beta Lisa that sent him away when he went into rut, who would never be able to take a knot. He loved that Lisa took him in, nursed him back from the brink of breakdown, but the yearning he had pushed down since he was sixteen years old was now back with a burning vengeance.

And there was nothing he could do about it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Kitchen Sink - @emoryhemsworth​ @flamencodiva​ @wasabiwitteks​ @rainbowkisses31​ @rissbennett @mariekoukie6661​ @officiallyunofficialperson​ @dolphincliffs​ @mrs-meghan-winchester​ @gayspacenerd​ @foxyjwls007​ @ilovefanfic86​ @marvelfansworld​ @f-yeahfandoms​ @wonderlandfandomkingdom​ @hhiggs​ @sev3nruby​  @hobby27​ @paintballkid711​ @divadinag​ @thewhiterabbit42​ @fantasymyth-1 @queenoftheunderdark​ @cosicas-cuquis​ @superfanficnatural​ @letsby​ @supernatural-bellawinchester​ @onethirstyunicorn​ @swinchester27​ @chalicia​ @sunnyroadtrips​ @screechingartisancashbailiff​ @death-unbecomes-you​ Hunter Tags - @atc74​ @sandlee44​ @spnbaby-67​ @kalesrebellion​ @tumbler-tidbits​ @hoboal87​ @stoneyggirl​ @kbl1313​ @cookiechipdough​ @mrswhozeewhatsis​ @winchesterxfamilybusiness​ @holylulusworld​ @pretty-fortune​ @screechingartisancashbailiff​ @we-are-all-a-bunch-of-idjits​ @imperiusimpala​

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Centerfold Tags- @mychemicalimagines​ @moron225​ @ladyofmaidensandwine​ @that-one-gay-girl​ @roonyxx​ @teresa-67​

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Twitter ー Yuma Mukami [2019 compilation]

–> This post includes all tweets posted on the official Rejet Twitter account for Yuma Mukami (@DiaLoverYumaM) in 2019.

Shuu l Reiji l Ayato l Kanato l Laito l Subaru l Kou l Yuma l Azusa l Carla l Shin l Kino

January 4, 2019

> Fuck. I forgot to submit my New Year’s Card. Even though Ruki kept on nagging me ‘bout it.

> Whatever. I can just say it right now. I’m countin’ on ya’ll next year as well.

January 23, 2019

> You bitch, makin’ me wait even though you’re just a prey. Ya sure have guts. Does this badly trained livestock not know how to behave unless you teach her through pain? I’ll thrust my fangs into your skin and make ya cry your eyes out

> I won’t let ya pass out on me. Brace yourself ‘kay?

> Hah? Why did I tweet this afternoon?

> I don’t get it. Did Kou mess with my smartphone again?

> That guy never changes. Should I just steal his phone for real next time?

> Anyway, ya free right now? We’re going on a date, a date! I’m invitin’ ya, so ya won’t say no, right?

> ‘Kay. Then let’s get goin’ at once. We’re heading out into the forest of the Demon World. I’m sure there’s somethin’ that’ll pique your interest there

> I was feelin’ bored as well so perfect timing. I wouldn’t have minded exploring’ by myself, but as of late, it just doesn’t feel the same without ya ‘round.

> It’s all your fault I feel that way. I’m gonna have ya take proper responsibility!

February 14, 2019

> You’ll give me chocolates? Thanks. They look pretty good. But just this won’t do. Ya know I love sweet stuff, right? In that case, isn’t there somethin’ else ya can give me? ...Hehe, get it? Well then, let’s head to my room.

February 21, 2019

> Oi, anyone got a dictionary on hand?

> I forgot we’d need one today

> Gotcha. Lend him to me (@Kou)

> Oi, a dictionary

> Nobody got one?

March 7, 2019

> You’re fuckin’ persistent! I’m busy! (@Ayato)

March 14, 2019

> Guess I’ll head out soon

> I’m with Subaru right now. So he does his shopping at this place as well, huh?

March 28, 2019

> Fuck off. What do ya want!? (@Kino)

> Play with you? But there’s nothin’ to do here. Besides, I’m busy lookin’ after my vegetable garden

> Don’t send him my way! (@Shuu)

April 1, 2019

> Off to work in the garden ★

> It was Kou-kun! Raise your hand if you could tell!

May 4, 2019

> Same thing here. Do I have to do that Q&A bullshit again? (@Ayato, @Shin)

> Maybe. The more we react, the more the sender might enjoy it. Let’s just throw in the towel and answer the questions so we can get it over with quickly (@Ayato, @Shin) 

> Q. You combine your gardening at home with going to school, so please tell us your daily schedule

A. I tend to the garden every morning, then I eat lunch and dinner and at night I go to school. ‘Round dawn I get back from school and take a nap, then go straight back to the garden

> Q. What do we have to do to appeal to you? 

A. I don’t dislike genuine girls. Watchin’ someone just live an honest life puts me at ease. Also it’s kind of innocent and cute

> Q. If you had to live together with one of the Sakamaki’s, who would you prefer?

A. Whoever I choose, the end result wouldn’t change much. Well, if I had to pick just one, it’d be that NEET. I’d shake him awake every mornin’ and fix that horrible, lazy attitude of his

> No way (@Shin)

June 3, 2019

> So a teacher called me this thing but I don’t really get what it means?

--> This was really hard to translate because since Yuma did not understand the word, he actually wrote it wrong in kanji as well. It should have been written as 傍���無人 or ‘boujyaku bujin’. This is a set idiom to refer to someone who acts recklessly and inconsiderate towards their surroundings. Yuma wrote ぼーじゃく武人 which is read the same way, but the ‘bujin’ in this case means ‘military’. 

> Are they saying I’m strong and reliable or somethin’? 

> Ah? The fuck, how should I have known that!? (@Ruki)

July 7, 2019

> I hope that the wilted vegetables will recover #TanabataWishes

July 23, 2019

> Oi. All of my favorite things are lined up here. Did ya prepare this? Hah. You wanted to please me that badly? You’re being pretty cheeky for a Sow. Then gimme one more thing to finish it off. Come on, smile. ...Honestly, watchin’ your smile really is the best. So stay my by side forever. In return, I’ll make sure to protect ya.

August 7, 2019

> Say. Do ya like parties and stuff?

> Then wanna go? Tomorrow the Death Parade starts. I got invited so I’m takin’ ya with me

> Come on, let’s go. Or do ya want me to help ya get ready?

August 15, 2019

> You know, when it rains

> I need a large umbrella or my shoulder gets wet

> Don’t they have one the size of a parasol?

> It’s fine. Then you’ll get rained on (@Azusa)

> I don’t really get how that’s fine, but I’ll be countin’ on ya when I need it. Thanks. (@Azusa)

August 30, 2019

> Why are the peeps at this Death Parade rejoicing death? I don’t get it

> Don’t you dare say that kind of stuff, no matter what. I won’t let you leave my side after all. Got it?

October 24, 2019

> Oi, Sow

> Where are ya? Ya headed out?

> Buy some milk on the way back. Message from Ruki

> If you forget, I’ll punish ya, ‘kay?

October 29, 2019

> Say

> When it’s ya, no matter how blood I suck, it’s never enough. Ya don’t feel satisfied in the slightest either, do ya? Beg me to suck ya more

> I’ll do as ya wish. Every time ya ask for it, again and again

October 31, 2019

> Azusa was handing out Ruki’s homemade sweets in town

> That’s not how this event works, is it?

> He came this close to even giving ‘way my Sugar-chan. I quickly snatched it back in a panic so all’s good though

> And then, he handed me a cupcake as well. Even though I could just eat one when I get home. That’s very much like him though

> But who whispered those lies into Azusa’s ear...?

November 7, 2019

> Fuck off. You don’t have to remind me every single fuckin’ time. This tea party never ends after all. (@Reiji)

–> They are doing a Parody of Alice in Wonderland on this day because of a Dark Wonderland event which was going on during the beginning of November.

> Where the fuck’s that lazy mouse? 

> Ah! This is where you’ve been hidin’! Oi, come out, Dormouse! (@Shuu)

> You were sleeping inside this pot!? (@Shuu)

> Tough luck. It’s time for the tea party. The Mad Hatter is waiting (@Shuu)

> We gotta do it a bunch of times, remember?  It’s a never-ending tea party after all. (@Shuu)

December 16, 2019

> Ya have no place to run in this freezin’ cold, do ya? At this point, ya have no other choice but to get embraced by me, ya see? 

December 24, 2019

> Merry Christmas

> I’ve been thinking, ya know. Our Christmas is more so one amongst family, rather than between lovers, don’t ya think? That shows just how special ya are to me.

[therainroguefanfiction]

🔥 ℝise Ⱥbove I̾t ◈ Chapter 014 [Social Interaction? Effort.]

📑 Table of Contents | ◂Backward

Word Count: 2,680 ☁

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

〈“All I want is a place to call my own. To mend the hearts of everyone who feels alone. You know to keep your hopes up high and your head down low.” A Day to Remember, “All I Want”〉

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

Bzzt. Bzzt. Bzzt.

I groaned, forcing my eyes open. My hand shot out, feeling around for my annoying ass phone. I had three unread messages. The first was, surprisingly, from Aizawa.

✉ ‘Careful on your way to school.’

Weird, but okay. The next was from Toshi.

✉ ‘The school entrance has been swarmed by reporters. Ignore them, please.’

Reporters? Is that a normal thing for U.A.? The last message was from Murder.

‘Ur face sux’

My eye twitched as my fingers flew across the keyboard. ‘Uve never even seen my face fool’ I stood up, throwing my phone onto the couch before getting ready for school. After grabbing a bottle of Dr. Pepper from the fridge and scarfing down a bowl of cereal, I grabbed my phone again and slipped my sneakers on. A message was waiting for me.

‘Doesnt matter ur face still sux’

I rolled my eyes, ‘Ur an idiot‘

As I got closer to U.A., I heard the chaos before I saw it. The entrance was swarmed by at least two dozen people, some holding microphones, others holding large cameras on their shoulders. They were screaming at the students as they tried to enter the school, blocking their path. Talk about being a hindrance.

“Strange. I’ve never heard of such a thing happening in the past.”

I glanced over at Fumi as he stopped beside me, arms crossed firmly over his chest. “So this ain’t a normal thing, then?”

“Not to my knowledge. Though, if I were to make a guess, I’d say this has to do with All Might being a teacher.”

“You think so?” I scratched my cheek, watching as a female reporter roughly grabbed a student’s shoulder when he ignored her. “He’s the top hero, huh? So heroes are practically celebrities that people go nuts for here… how fucking annoying.”

He tilted his head, looking at me curiously. Right, he doesn’t know anything about me not being from here.

I cleared my throat. “Should we get it over with? Don’t wanna be late… again.”

He nodded, “Yes, they will only become more aggressive over time.”

The fucking vultures spotted us before we even got close, shoving microphones into our faces and screaming over one another to be heard. The only thing I could clearly make out was the name ‘All Might’. Fumi didn’t even spare them a glanced as he headed for the gate, but a woman grabbed his arm and shoved a microphone in his face, demanding an answer.

I felt a surge of annoyance and I grabbed her wrist, my hand turning red as I increased the temperature until she let go of him. “Keep your fuckin’ hands to yourself, bitch. The fuck is wrong with you, grabbing a kid like that. Grow the fuck up and get a real job!”

She cried out in pain and frustration and I released her hand. Muttering profanities under my breath, I put my arm through Fumi’s and tugged him past the archway.

“Thank you,” Fumi spoke softly, his feathery cheeks turning a light shade of pink.

I didn’t even know it was possible for him to blush but this world keeps fucking surprising me, don’t it? “Don’t worry about it,”

“If you won’t bring All Might out, I’ll get him myself!”

I glanced over my shoulder as a loud buzzing filled the morning air. Sheets of metal shot out of the ground, blocking the entry and towering above the stone walls that surrounded the school. The woman screamed in surprise and I scoffed. “That’s what you get, invasive bitch.”

Fumi sighed, placing his hand over his beak. “Your vocabulary is quite vulgar, Jen-san.”

I grinned at him. “Pretty sure I was a fucking sailor in my past life.”

A breeze blew past us, ruffling my hair. A shiver went down my spine, but I didn’t feel cold. I felt… exposed, in danger. What is this strange sense of dread that I’m suddenly feeling? Why do I have the urge to run? I suppressed another shiver, glancing back at the metal sheeting.

“Is something wrong, Jen-san?”

I snapped out of my daze, giving Fumi a forced smile as I followed him into the school building. That feeling lingered in the back of my mind, like someone breathing down my neck.

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

“Decent work on yesterday’s combat training, you guys.” Aizawa stood at the front, his eyes sweeping the room. “I saw the video feeds and went over each of your team’s results. Bakugo – you’re talented, so don’t sulk like a child about your loss, okay?”

“Yeah, whatever.”

Pft, that bitch is totally sulking. I glanced around Big Boobs, but I could only see the back of his head since he was sitting in the same row. Truth be told, I had been a bit worried about him, but he seems to be in better spirits. His aura ain’t as dark as it was, anyway. I wonder what Midoriya said to him yesterday.

“And Midoriya – I see the only way you won the match was by messing up your arm again. Work harder! And don’t give me the excuse that you don’t have control over your quirk. That line’s already getting old. You can’t keep breaking your body while training here.” His voice softened. “But your quirk will be really useful if you can get a handle on it. So show a little urgency, huh?”

“Right!”

I snickered at his caring tone and his eyes snapped to mind. Shit, is he gonna call me out, too? I didn’t do that bad, did I? I slowly moved my body back behind Big Boobs, slumping over the desk so he couldn’t see me. I still haven’t apologized for the other day, either. Damn, I should really have a talk with him and Toshi, but effort. Emotional effort, too.

“Let’s get down to business,”

I breathed a sigh of relief.

“Your first task will decide your future.”

The classroom grew tense at his words, but I had the distinct feeling that he was trolling everyone again.

“You all need to pick a class representative.”

He said that so seriously, what the fuck. Still, the classroom started to erupt, overflowing with excitement and energy. I hate it.

“Pick me, guys! I wanna be class representative!” Do you even know what this job takes, Red?

“I’ll take it!” Sparky is definitely not smart enough for this.

“Yeah, you’re gonna need me.” Somehow I doubt that, Punk Rock.

“Someone with style should be -”

“Ooh! I’m totally the right pick!”

I guaran-fucking-tee you that Alien does that to French Fry on purpose. She’s going for the record of how many times she can interrupt him in three years. Or she just hates his guts, which I can understand.

Everyone’s voices started to overlap and I slammed my forehead onto the desk. What the fuck is wrong with these idiots, seriously? Don’t they realize how much work and responsibility that role entails? No fucking thank you. Oh, great taco god, even Bakugo wants the job. Depending on who gets the role, my school life could become hell. I’ve seen plenty of school anime to know that class reps and the student council give students hell.

“Silence, everyone! Please!” Prep shot up, his voice booming over the others. “The class representative’s duty is to lead others! It’s not something just anyone can do.” Especially not most of these dipshits. “You must first have the trust of every student in the classroom. Therefore, the most logical way to fill this position is democratically. We will hold an election to choose our leader!”

That’s a great idea and all, but… that hand of yours is raised higher than anyone else’s. It’s pretty obvious he wants the job.

“Is this really the best idea?”

“We’ve only known each other a few days, how do we know who we can trust?”

That’s a bit dramatic, isn’t it? It’s not like the class rep is gonna be trying to bring nations together or some shit.

“‘Sides, everyone will just vote for themselves.”

“Most people will, but that means whoever does receive multiple votes must truly be the most suitable person for the job. It’s the best way! Right, sir?”

Aizawa had slipped back into his sleeping bag at this point, looking bored out of his mind. “Do what you want. Just decide before my nap’s over.” And with that, he fell to the ground, hidden behind the long lectern.

I sweatdropped. For someone that can show so much care for his students, he certainly loves to act like he hates his job. I wonder… is Zawa part tsundere? Is that even a thing? It’s gotta be.

“Thank you for your trust!” Prep turned to the class, pushing up his glasses. “Everyone, please write your vote on a piece of paper and fold it!”

With a sigh, I dug through my bag for my notebook and a pen. So far, it had only been used to draw cute tacos and the sacred taco bra. I swear, I’m gonna take this fucking grudge to the grave and then come back to haunt that bitch. I tapped my pen on the paper, scanning the room.

I don’t really have a relationship with any of these people. I had that one awkward moment with Bakugo; Ochako introduced herself to me; I helped Midoriya to Granny, but he probably don’t even know about that; Peppermint likes to glare at me for no reason, but he has a really nice voice; Then there’s Fumi.

I glanced over at him, watching his pencil scratch across his paper. Did he even want this job? He hadn’t said anything about it, and he doesn’t seem to be especially social or extroverted. He’s the closest thing I got to a friend here, though.

Damn, I’m really shit at interacting with people. Now that I’m thinking about it, the only people I ever interacted with during school was Travis, and even that was limited to a few times a month, and then there’s Skye and Heather, but something tells me those two are invalid. And twats. They’re definitely twats.

Maybe I should make more of an effort to get to know these people, but that sounds like a serious pain in the ass. Most of these people annoy me, anyway, and the only one that’s made an effort with me is Ochako and Punk Rock, but I blew her off.

“I will collect the votes now!”

Well, shit. I stared at the blank piece of paper and hummed thoughtfully. Oh… a grin split my lips as an idea popped into my head. I quickly scribbled down the name and balled the paper up, tossing it at Prep as he walked by. After collecting them all, he headed to the front of the room and started to calculate the results, writing names and numbers on the board. There were a lot of single votes. Guess people really did vote for themselves. Losers~

“Who voted for Aizawa-sensei?!”

“Pffft,” I bit my lip hard to stop from laughing, but his offended tone really fucking got me, man. Big Boobs and Peppermint turned to look at me, one with a weird expression, the other glaring in annoyance.

Prep slammed his hand on the lectern repeatedly. “This is an important decision, please take this seriously, Winchester!”

“Che. It ain’t that serious, fam, take a chill pill.” I huffed, leaning back in my chair. “One vote ain’t gonna make a difference.”

“Every vote matters!”

“For fuck’s sake, fine.” I scratched my cheek, glancing at the students as they looked back at me, some snickering. “I vote for Fumi,”

“Fumikage Tokoyami,” Prep nodded in satisfaction, turning to the board to add the vote. I caught Fumi’s eye and he smiled, sending me a nod.

Thankfully, I got zero votes.

Midoriya was in the lead with three votes, while Big Boobs, Momo Yaoyorozu, got two. Man, that name is hard for me to say, I hate it.

“How did I get three votes?!”

“Okay, you idiots!” Bakugo shot up from his seat, angrily slamming his hands on the surface of the desk. “Who voted for ’em?!”

“What, did you honestly think anyone was gonna vote for you?”

I mean, I thought about it doing it just for shits and giggles, but the risk that he would win, no matter how low, prevented me from doing so. Imagining that loud ass as the class rep makes my head hurt.

“What did you just say?!”

Prep sat down at his desk, his body shaking. “Zero votes… I feared this might happen, but I can’t argue with the system I chose!”

“So you voted for someone else, huh?” Yaoy… what was it again? I squinted at the board, eyes narrowed at her last name. Fuck it! I’m calling her Momo whether she likes it or not.

“But you know it was best to vote for yourself, right?” Sumo asked. “What were you trying to prove here, Iida?”

Iida, huh? I leaned back in my chair, folding my hands behind my head. I don’t know, I like the name ‘Prep’ better, honestly.

Midoriya stood up, his whole body shaking like a leaf as he headed to the front of the room, Momo standing beside him.

“Alright, the class rep is Midoriya. And our deputy is Yaoyorozu.”

“R-Really? It’s not a mistake?” Midoriya squeaked in disbelief. He’s such a timid little shit. How did someone with such little self-confidence become All Might’s successor? Makes no sense to me.

“This might not be so bad!”

“Yeah, I can get behind Midoriya, I guess.”

“Yaoyorozu was totally on top of it when it came to our training results.”

I glanced out the window at the azure sky, tuning out the class. That sense of dread is getting stronger and it’s making my fucking stomach turn. I guess I can add fucking paranoia to my list of issues.

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

Lunch arrived and students poured out of their classrooms toward the cafeteria. I hung back, not wanting to get stuck in the crowd of hungry teenagers.

“Hey, Winchester!”

I paused, glancing behind me. “Oh. Hey Rin.”

He gave me a bright smile when he finally caught up and we started down the hall. “I’ve been trying to find the right time to say hi. I’m glad you passed the exam!”

I grunted, shoving my hands into my pockets. “I only passed because of you,”

“What do you mean?”

“I didn’t know you were there,” I muttered with a shrug, looking away from him. “I just wanted to test my power, I completely forgot about the exam and about getting points. I only got in because they thought I saved you.”

He nudged my arm, smiling when I looked at him. “Whether you knew I was there or not, you did save me, but that’s not important. We both got in, right?”

“Guess you got a point. Thanks for saving me, by the way.”

He nodded. “You’re in 1-A, right?”

“Yeah, what about you?”

“1-B and guess who’s in my class~”

My brow furrowed as I thought back to the exam. “Uhh… wait, not that blonde idiot.”

“Yup! His name is Neito Monoma and he’s certainly an interesting character.”

I opened my mouth to respond, but a loud yell from in front of us stopped me. “Get the fuck outta my way, Deku!”

“You guys got the arrogant prick, Monoma. We got the loud chihuahua, Bakugo.” I commented, sending him a blank look.

Rin chuckled as he watched the blonde stomping away from Midoriya. “I think we’re a bit better off. But only a little bit.”

“Probably are. My class is fucking nuts.”

“Sounds fun,” He paused for a moment, tilting his head. “Do you mind if I join you for lunch today?”

“Hmm, sure.” I usually just sit at the end of the table, listening to my classmates ramble on and argue about stupid shit. Wait… if he sits with me that means I have to put in the effort to try and carry on a conversation with him.

Fuck my life.

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

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[dragonofyang]

From the Sock Puppet’s Mouth

Well folks, good news and bad news.

Good news: the ABTV interview on March 4th confirmed for us that WEP is the reason for the last-minute changes and that certain things were fought tooth and nail for until they came down and axed it.

Bad news: WEP is still using the EPs as their meat shields to hide behind, and despite not being really able to refuse, Joaquim Dos Santos and Lauren Montgomery still said some fucked up shit in this interview and the one before. And we probably should gird our loins for the next interview with Let’s Voltron!

But Yang, why in the fuck are we not going after the EPs, then?

The answer to that and why this is happening is three little letters, my friends.

NDA.

Non-disclosure agreements.

AKA the bane of your existence. And ours. And almost certainly JDS, LM, voice actors, animators, and literally anybody who has to comply with the season 8 we got back in December and the resulting fallout.

These are fairly standard in lots of situations where you’ll be working with confidential material, stuff like stories, military paperwork, movie production, that sort of thing. They generally tell you that you can’t spill the beans until a certain date when the contract expires, or when the information becomes public knowledge and the need for secrecy is lifted. Pretty standard in the entertainment business, keeps people from getting spoiled to trade secrets or important plotlines and ensures that you can trust your employees with whatever you need done for the project in question.

One other thing that these pesky little pieces of paper do is give your employer (say, the owner of a franchise or a superior officer), the ability to order you what to say just as easily as what not to. Don’t believe me? Look up interviews with the people who were in The Last Airbender (yeah… THAT movie). During production and when it was new, they all said how excited they were to work on the movie and be a part of it, but once those magical dates came by to free them of their legal obligations, they spilled more tea than the American revolutionaries did back in Boston. As soon as they wouldn’t get sued, they changed their tune about working on TLA.

Sometimes you just don’t like a project, sometimes your boss is a dick, whatever, but the fact is, if you sign one of those little things titled “Non-Disclosure Agreement”, you are bound by law to say whatever your boss tells you to. It’s very much a “they say ‘jump’, you say ‘how high’” situation. The only time this sort of shit doesn’t apply is if it implicates you in a crime. So like, your boss can’t embezzle money and then tell you to say you did it, or that you helped, or whatever. If it means you’ll get pressed charges, then you’re free to stand up and say “fuck this noise” and leave.

But JDS and LM aren’t being forced to admit to a crime, as heinous as some of what they’ve said in the past two ABTV interviews was. I’ll admit, I saw red the first time I heard the interviews on February 25 and March 4, but ya know fuckin’ what? That was the goal. Those interviews were meant to be a targeted blow against those of us in the VLD fandom who want the real s8 and for the characters to get their stories told correctly, rather than the slipshod stoic nonsense that ultimately created a story with zero meaning.

WEP/World Events Productions/Bob Koplar holds the Voltron intellectual property. JDS and LM are their puppets right now because unless they’re ordered to admit to a crime or otherwise break the law, they could be ruined legally, financially, and closed off from their trade. Would it be nice if they stuck to the scruples they displayed back when the show first started? Fuck yeah. I’d love it if they said, “screw it, here’s the real s8 with the heroine’s journey and the parallel storylines and the ending you deserved to see and get catharsis with.”

Fact is, they can’t, but we, who have never signed an NDA with WEP, DreamWorks, or Netflix or whoever the fuck else is involved, can.

They’re lying, yes, and they said despicable things that would make anybody’s blood boil, but the fact is they’re just the unfortunate human shields that will let WEP get away scot-free and it sets a very dangerous precedent about what happens when a story is being told and someone up top doesn’t like what they see. The narrative LM and JDS are being told to spin is that when the writers left, they went ham and ruined the story and that the real season 8 would be worse than the concoction we got on December 14. LM and JDS have said awful shit as WEP tries to demoralize fans and chase them off from going after the original season 8 and deflecting blame off where it should be aimed. But why would they have to write a story that’s animated and would have been completed before the writers left? LM said it herself that animation is extremely ahead of schedule compared to releases, and if you’re a fan of HTTYD like myself, you’ll know that the third movie’s release date had to be pushed back multiple times to account for the animation schedule because they failed to accurately project when it would be complete, and so pushed it back as opposed to releasing a shoddy product.

It’s simple enough to realize that the story being spun is just logically fallible and factually untrue, but because so much of what’s been said has been attacking the fandom, it’s easy to believe it. I almost wanted to believe that, too. It’s easy when there’s already a face and a name to blame. It’s harder to dig through stinging nettles, even if you know there’s a pot of gold under it all. Luckily I brought work gloves and have friends who know how to wield gardening shears.

We knew before that there was last minute edits to season 8, and @leakinghate did an excellent breakdown of that here in case you want to settle in for a nice read to see what should have been. But the interview on March 4th confirmed multiple times that the problem with the changes and story didn’t come from the EPs or even Dreamworks. The pushback came from the IP owners. JDS says so right toward the beginning, about 12 minutes in when he’s talking about Adam and Shiro’s romance. JDS and LM both discuss how it was the IP owners who gave the order to change an already-storyboarded and approved plotline for Shiro, which directly negates their tweet on March 1 claiming that the store has no creative control and the letter Bob Koplar wrote to a few fans, also written March 1, which claimed the same thing and seemed intent on absolving him as a responsible party for s8. Sure, the person tweeting and the person handling orders might not have to approve things, but that account and the store are both owned by WEP, which is easily proven if you dial WEP’s number. But the IP holders got discussed multiple times throughout the entire episode, more towards the first half than the second, which is when what they’re saying gets really screwy in terms of logic and what they’ve said before and general bullfuckery. Until JDS and LM are thanking the hosts for the unprecedented two hour interview and JDS says, “I don’t agree with myself” at 43:03, they were thanking the fans and apologizing for what happened and explaining that it wasn’t them or Dreamworks, but rather the IP holders who were pushing back.

Don’t believe me?

Click to 12:10 of the March 4 interview. JDS talks about Adam and Shiro’s relationship and how it was originally meant to be portrayed, and at the 12:50 mark he says that they got pushback about their relationship, not from Dreamworks, but from “other controlling parties with Voltron.”

Click to 18:52, where JDS mentions how they didn’t have the position as being creators of the IP. He also points out that, “We were, for all intents and purposes, like, started as a show for boys 6 to 11 to sell as much toys as possible.”

Does that phrase bother you as much as it bothers me?

Because it should.

Ever since VLD ended and the fans started pushing back against what got published as season 8, the EPs have been silent, at least for the first two-ish months. They didn’t say a word anywhere publicly about the show or if they liked it, because their NDAs probably had an “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all” clause. Generally, that’s the case because part of your job is to build good PR and hype up your project. Don’t believe me? Look at how they were after literally every other season, they came out immediately saying how much they loved it and how much they hoped the fans would too, and when there was pushback about Lotor’s abuse and the colony plot they were like, “please trust us, we want to do his story justice” even when it probably would have served them better to remain silent.

Not with S8.

Until these interviews, nobody talked. And when they finally did start talking?

They all kept saying the same things.

“This is a show for boys and their dads” and “this is a show meant to sell toys to little boys.”

At no point before this did anybody on the production team say anything even remotely related.

You can look for yourself, but I guarantee you won’t find anything. “Boy toy show” has been the go-to phrase for everybody ever since the silence around season 8 broke, and it’s not their words.

It is, without a doubt, from the IP holder.

We were promised that Lotor’s arc would continue and that “there’s a lot that is at play in his brain and his mind,” in the GeekDad article about him. Narratively, Lotor and Allura were meant to foil Zarkon and Honerva/Haggar. We should’ve gotten an alchemist-versus-alchemist showdown and a cool Lotor and Lance arc. Many things that were built up in seasons 1 through 6 were dropped, and if you refer back to Hate’s meta “Seeking Truth in Darkness”, you’ll find her analysis on what was cut, why, and the plot she pieced together based on the inconsistencies in the details of the season 8 that got released. In the latest interview, JDS said, “We were just trying to break the trope, our own trope. You know what I mean? Like Voltron was its own trope and the sort of little nook that we inhabited was, like, sort of boys toys was its own weird tropey situation.”

And despite all this talk of family and love and complexity and breaking barriers, we received two things from December 14 and on: VLD season 8, and silence.

Complete and utter silence.

The VAs were trotted out to face the wrath of the fans at SAC Anime 2019 and there was nary a word to be heard from the EPs, Dreamworks, WEP, Netflix… Nobody had anything to say about the final season of Voltron. The VAs even commented that there were things they were and weren’t allowed to say. And if they wanted to say anything, their NDAs and general social etiquette prevented them from saying whatever was actually on their mind, because I guarantee you nobody happy about the season would have kept silent. Even when all the season 7 backlash happened, JDS and LM asked us as a fandom to please wait and see, because there would be narrative payoff.

Which is why the latest two interviews with ABTV are all the more rightfully infuriating.

In the February 25 interview, LM specifically says that the initial pitch was to kill everybody, everybody would die and that would be the end of it, and that they had to back off from that. After the broken promises of season 8, that’s pretty damn believable to a fandom who’s rightfully hurting and grieving what could have finished a great show. But then with this March 4 interview, she says that she wanted to go Sailor Moon with it and have Allura come back as a baby after sacrificing herself. Kind of hard for those two stories to mesh when the person LM says would raise Allura would also have been one of the ones to die in the initial pitch.

So what exactly is the truth there?

Frankly, I think neither of those ideas is the truth. At least completely.

Why? A) It sounds like a super early pitch idea and B) because their general behavior disagrees with every interview leading up to season 8. Because if LM and JDS were proud of this product that got released, they would have said so and behaved as normal, if maybe a little more reserved due to fandom backlash. Because they wouldn’t be silent and only coming out with interviews after two months and several of #TeamPurpleLion metas that poke massive holes in what exists of season 8, CallVoltron has been sending letters, and #FREEVLDS8 garnered over 30,000 signatures. WEP has been trying to do damage control ever since we as a fandom started putting two and two together about where these disastrous last-minute changes came from, and only when the petition got updated to include WEP as a point of focus did WEP start trying to discredit the fans and meta writers who were coming too close to the truth. Here is a complete list of everything that’s happened since December 14, to give you an idea of just how wild of a ride this has been.

One main consistent thing throughout everything that’s happened since season 8 dropped is that everybody from the EPs up is lying, whether by omission or outright or through someone else, people have been lying like mad. WEP doesn’t want you to know that they own the IP and have strong input, despite confirming it by liking a tweet on February 13 and how you can be directed to their store if you call WEP’s phone number. WEP doesn’t want you to know that they gave the original season 8 the axe. WEP got scared that we got close and so they trotted out their EPs after two months of silence to try and break those of us hunting for the truth. These two interviews, which, mind you, came after what was scheduled to be the last one.

The official story continues to fall apart with every word of these last two interviews, too. JDS says that they were crafting the epilogue for season 8 during the aftermath of season 7, but according to him they completed season 8 back in June.

Again: which is the truth?

I stand with @leakinghate and the rest of #TeamPurpleLion and think that the original season 8 was completed back in June, but that the backlash from s7 and the general disapproval of a story of empowerment caused the truly-eleventh-hour edits to s8. The EPs are being forced to lie to you due to their contracts, WEP wants to keep hiding and lying and calling their customers liars and mocking them. But the funny thing is that the more intricate the lie, the harder it is to keep it straight versus the truth, as evidenced by how JDS and LM seem to be confusing what was in s8 versus what was pitched versus what they were told to say.

So what’s it all mean, then?

It means you should be watching and writing letters and calling WEP and calling them out publicly whenever WEP and Bob Koplar lie to the consumers and customers that express dissatisfaction with their service and their products.

WEP forgets that there is more to fandom than diehard dads and young boys.

The more they ignore the majority of their consumers, the more money they lose, the more faith they lose, and the less people will want to follow their future projects (like if they decide to do an MFE spinoff). Let’s Voltron is coming up with a new episode with JDS and LM, and they’re hoping to get it up soon. I’d just like to remind y’all that it’s scripted and pre-recorded, it’s not live, and it benefits from being the official Voltron podcast and has to keep good relations with WEP in order to retain that status. So don’t stop calling, write letters, hell just leave a Facebook or Twitter review of the business to express your satisfaction or lack thereof with how WEP treats customers and its show and everything. After all, the road to s8 is paved with honesty.

@felixazrael @leakinghate @crystal-rebellion @voltronisruiningmylife

[dat-fandom-losertown]

The Drift Between Us

•◊•◊•◊•◊•

Chapter 3: I’ll Do Better

•◊•◊•◊•◊•

Hank Anderson x Connor and Gavin Reed x RK900

Pacific Rim AU

Warnings: I think I’m just gonna stop putting swearing as a warning? Cause it’s in literally every single chapter Lmao, Arguments, a moment with PTSD and anxiety

Word Count: 8,739

•◊•◊•◊•◊•

Previous <~> Masterlist <~> Next

•◊•◊•◊•◊•

    “What’s got your panties in a twist this time?” Tina teases with her signature smirk as Gavin sits down next to her at their table.

    “Fuck off, Tina.” Gavin shakes his head, knowing that his words don’t have the venom they would if he were to say them to anyone else.

    “Aw, come on! You look even more bothered than usual and you’re not gonna tell me what happened?” The woman doesn’t give enough time for him to reply before continuing again. “I have ten bucks in my pocket that says it has to do with the new trainees roaming around.”

    “That and Hank fuckin’ Anderson.” He begins around the food in his mouth, “Didn’t even know he could be awake at this hour anymore, let alone be sober enough to pull the ‘my old partner’s the current marshal’ card. I mean, he didn’t use it on me, but I heard him use it on one of the new fuckers.”

    “One of the trainees? What’d they do?”

    “For once in my life I was just mindin’ my own fuckin’ business, when two newbies come around the corner. Of course, I’m just trying to get to lunch, right? So I plan on just walking around them, but this kid fuckin’ tries to shoulder-check me! And when I didn’t budge he started acting like I started it!”

    “So you picked a proper fight?” Tina’s turned towards him now, engrossed in Gavin’s story.

    “No! Like I said, I just wanted some fuckin’ food! So I threatened the guy a bit and... gave a warning, you could say. I could immediately tell he had an ego larger than my ass, so I couldn’t just let him walk away, ya know?.”

    Another woman’s voice pipes up, “Wait, you said there were two trainees. What about the other one?” Gavin doesn’t know when she got here, but now she’s sitting across from Tina.

    “It was the same dude I saw daydreaming in the hall yesterday, and he kept trying to get the other dude to just walk away like the fuckin’ coward he is. He even got the shit beat outta him sometime after dinner yesterday. He was all bandaged up and limping a bit. Anderson rounded the corner before I could even start with him.”

    “And you said he was awake, walking around, and sober earlier? Wow.” Tina leans back in her chair. “I’m impressed. That’s the second time this month he’s been sober and calm so early in the day.”

    “You think he’s finally coming to terms with whatever happened to him?” Tina’s official partner– Angie? Allie? Amy? Who fuckin’ knows and who fuckin’ cares– asks, sounding genuinely hopeful for the washed up drunkard.

    Gavin barks out a harsh laugh, “Nah, there’s no way. His hangover probably just woke him up earlier than normal.”

    “What exactly do you have against him, Gav?” the same lady asks.

    “What do you mean ‘what do I have against him’? He’s done nothing but sit around on his ass drunk as hell for the past couple of years and no one’s done anything about it because he’s the ‘oh so great Pilot Anderson’ and his fuckin’ bff is the one in charge of this shit hole!” Gavin leans back in his chair with crossed arms, his food already scarfed down and tray empty. “If any of us acted the way he has been for even a month we’d be kicked out of here before we could even pack our stuff! Besides, isn’t he too fuckin’ old to pilot anymore anyway? Why in the hell is he even still here?”

    “He’s only barely in his forties you know,” Tina informs patiently, having heard this rant a hundred times over by now, “He started going grey in his early twenties, something about genetics. Can’t imagine the stress and grief helped at all, either.”

    “Grief. What could have possibly happened to make him ‘grieve’ for this long? Like, don’t get me wrong, I get it, but it’s been fuckin’ years of this shit. He needs to get it together, ‘cause at this point he’s just dragging us down.”

    Gavin lowers his head and averts his eyes, enviously thinking about how he wasn’t ever given the kind of treatment Anderson is given on a daily basis. His face must start looking softer because Tina looks at him with a sort of concern and confusion. He scowls at her and shakes his head with a huff in dismissal.

    All throughout training, each pilot is taught that no one can hold back any memories from their partner while in the drift. While that fact was usually used to keep trainees in line since everything they do will be seen by another person eventually, it was true. Mostly. After certain things took place long ago, Gavin accidentally stumbled upon a way to keep memories from whoever was his partner. From the complaints he’s heard in the past, it’s just as uncomfortable for them as it is for him, if not more so. So far, only Tina and her new partner have been able to put up with it more than twice..

    The whole point is, no one here truly knows his story. The people who did have either retired, or they were killed in action, or their name is Jeffery Fowler. No one knows what kind of life he had growing up, if he has siblings or not, how long he trained to be a pilot before arriving here; and nobody knows if Gavin’s “pissy, jackass attitude” is a result of something or if that’s just who he is.

    Spoiler alert: it’s just how he’s fuckin’ been his entire damn life, and he has no intentions to change any time soon. Even if Gavin wanted to, he doesn’t think he could actually change enough for it to matter, anyway. So fuck it.

    “You don’t know what happened!” Tina’s partner sounds thoroughly offended on Anderson’s behalf. She must be newer or more empathetic than he thought. “They said this started right after a particularly big battle with a kaiju, he probably lost family or something!”

    “I lost my family and my home when I was 17, and no one’s ever seen me moping around, constantly high as fuck and unable to do my job! ‘Cause heaven knows I wouldn’t get drunk of all things to forget my problems, I still have some self-respect.”

    He must have said something wrong because the looks on both women’s faces make him feel like he’s the main attraction of a pity party. He scowls again and is about to snarl out “what?” when Tina finally speaks, albeit softly, as if he, Gavin Reed, a man tougher and more stubborn than the most overcooked jerky, would break.

    “You were only 17 when..?”

    And just like that, it clicks.

    “No, you fucks!” he exaggeratedly rolls his eyes, “I was kicked out by my bitch-ass mother. They haven’t died or anything like that. At least, I don’t think they have…”

    Both women relax, Tina already going back to her almost finished meal as if nothing happened, knowing full well that they weren’t going to get anything else out of Gavin for the rest of the week. However, her partner seems a bit more adamant on knowing the story, if the look in her eye is anything to go by. Just as she’s about to open her mouth, Gavin abruptly stands up. It’s time to get the hell outta dodge.

    “Well, as much as I’d like to say it was a pleasure talking to you asshats, I can’t.” Tina’s smirk is enough to let Gavin know that she knows he’s just messing around now. “Don’t have a sucky ass day, I guess. Or do, I’m not your fuckin’ parent.” He promptly turns with his empty tray in hand and leaves the food court area after putting everything in their designated places.

    Whenever Gavin gets worked up, going to the gym usually helps. Growing up, the only way he learned to deal with his short temper was to let it out through physical exertion. When he was younger, that meant getting into fights and punching walls until he felt calm and safer to be around again. Now, though, it means going to the gym and showing anyone else who may be in there how it’s done. Not only does he feel better about himself– contrary to popular belief, punching the nearest person or thing had never done well for his conscience after all was said and done– he also gets some of the best scores in fighting skill from his admittedly excessive training. To be completely honest, those high scores are probably the only thing keeping him here at this point.

    Gavin takes his sweet, precious time getting to the gym. He meanders through the endless, reinforced halls until he gets to his room. They placed him right across from Tina’s room since she’s the only one who can tolerate him and is the only one Gavin doesn’t regularly want to deck in the throat. Even though she has an official partner now, that girl’s still relatively new and Tina is a better match in the drift for Gavin than anyone else is. Now that he thinks about it, he may not be able to slack off like Anderson, but he can admit that the higher-ups of this place have done a lot more to keep him here than they likely would have for anyone else. Not even he had to do “intern work” for Fowler during his first week of training, and it’s that one assbag’s second day here and he’s already managed to fuck it up.

    He changes into his work out clothes quickly and grabs the wraps for his hands. He puts them on expertly on the way, having gone through the wrapping process much more often than anyone he knows has. Gavin’s about to turn into the gym when he hears the voice of that daydreaming coward coming from around the corner.

    “Connor, would you stop your whining. Do you want what happened today in class to happen again?”

    Gavin quickly backtracks to hide behind one of the support beams on the wall. He wants to know what happened during their class, because he has a feeling it has to do with how fucked up the guy was this morning.

    “No I don’t,” the same voice replies? Is he talking to himself? Is this another case of Fight Club? “But we just got told to lie down and relax today since our hands are too bruised to hold pens. I don’t think it’s wise to go in there in case–”

    “–In case we’re found here while this injured, I know.” Well, it’s definitely not the same person, since there were clearly two voices talking over each other just then. “You’ve said that only a million times now. We’re allowed to be in here, we just won’t be using the equipment.”

    Gavin takes a chance to lean his head out and look at whoever is talking. He immediately recognises daydreamer on the left by the light grey shirt he’s wearing, which means his identical twin is wearing the black shirt. The doppelganger– apparently named Connor– looks slightly worse off than his twin.

    These pilot wannabes just got here recently, right? So they must have been paired up for the initial evaluation and roughed each other up good. Maybe the twink-looking asshole isn’t a coward at all. Maybe the dude is just confident that he could win in a fight against Gavin. Although, that doesn’t explain why he was so certain that Gavin could win against that other fucker– was it Alex?– in a brawl just earlier. Maybe it’s more of an “You can’t beat me, but you can win against him” kinda deal.

    Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum both enter the gym, still continuing on with their conversation about morals and finding loopholes within rules and orders, and Gavin takes that as his cue to follow them inside.

•◊•◊•◊•◊•

    “I still think we shouldn’t hold back around the instructors. They’re here to evaluate us, right?” Connor asks, still very much concerned about hiding things from the people who are above them in rank.

    It’s just that, what if they get caught holding back and are punished for it? Connor doesn’t even want to think about the times that had happened while training with Amanda, let alone repeat it. He knows logically that Luther wouldn’t dream of doing something like that to his students, but the inconvenient part of Connor’s head is not letting him actually believe it. It’s better to expect the worst and get better results than assume decent results and get blindsided.

    “Yes, but if we don’t hold back, then they’ll probably make us graduate much earlier, which means less time to find new partners.” Ritch hisses at him.

    Connor just sighs, knowing he’s right but not liking to go behind instructors’ backs, even for something as important to them as this. Ritch likely knows what kind of war is going on in his head right now, which is probably why he’s being much more patient with him than usual today.

    “I know you don’t like this, but it’s necessary.”

    “I know. You’re right, as always.” Connor relents finally, sitting down in the far corner of the gym where it will be obvious that they’re just sitting there, watching everyone else train and work out. They need to get a feel for how much they should be holding back for now, and how fast they should progress throughout training.

    A few minutes pass of silently watching a man on a treadmill, another at a punching bag, and a woman lifting weights before Connor leans over to speak into Ritch’s ear.

    “Are we going to match their skill? Or are we going to try going weaker than them?”

    “After the show we put on earlier, I don’t think we can pull off playing as much weaker or less skilled than these people without the others becoming suspicious.” he answers immediately, eyes never leaving the tiring man on the treadmill.

    Connor nods silently, leaning back into his own space again. It isn’t long until Ritch is leaning over to whisper in his ear, this time.

    “Do you see the guy at the punching bag?”

    “Yes?” Connor confirms, watching the man go to town on the hanging bag.

    His technique is very good, and he has a lot of power behind each punch. It’s obvious that he’s tougher and stronger than he looks, not unlike Ritch and himself. Connor wonders if Ritch is going to suggest matching with him. It wouldn’t be a good idea at all, seeing as how he seems to be at almost the same level as them. Plus, judging by the scars littered around his face and arms, he has real experience in combat, which gives him a leg up on the other trainees.

    Actually… That might be Pilot–

    “That’s Gavin Reed.” Ritch unknowingly confirms his thought. “He’s trouble, so just try your best to avoid and ignore him. I’ve already run into him twice and both times he’s tried to pick a fight with me.”

    That wasn’t what Connor was expecting. He knew the rumors of Gavin Reed being testy and short-tempered, but he’s picking fights with Ritch of all people so soon after their arrival?

    “Really? It hasn’t even been 24 hours yet.”

    “Yea. The first time he shoulder checked me while I was walking on the correct half of the hallway while he was going the opposite way, and the second time happened just before lunch. Apparently Alex bumped into him but he–” he nods to Gavin “–was adamant on finishing what was started. Mr. Anderson had to come and diffuse the situation.”

    Connor turns to face Ritch. “Mr. Anderson was there?”

    “Yes.”

    “Did he seem okay? He seemed to have a terrible hangover this morning at lunch, and I’m sure any yelling that was happening wasn’t helping.”

    Now Ritch turns to him. “Why do you care? He hasn’t been in a jaeger in years. Unless you became much more attached to who he once was than I thought.”

    Connor huffs out what could be considered a growl and turns back to Gavin, “Can’t a guy just care about someone else’s health?”

    “Not you.” Ritch follows Connor’s gaze, “When you care about someone’s health, it’s one of the first signs that you’re getting attached to someone, and I really don’t believe that Mr. Anderson is someone you should be getting attached to.”

    “Why do you think that?” Immediately defensive.

    “People talk, and he isn’t–.”

    “Just like how they used to talk about us?”

    “This is different than us.”

    “How so?”

    Ritch sharply turns back to his twin, irritation causing his eyebrows to set even lower and his mouth to thin. “Look, I don’t give a damn about who you imprint on or whatever anymore. I am trying to help you out here, because unlike the times people have talked about us, what people are saying about Mr. Anderson are all factual and we’ve both seen the proof. You need to lay off of him because not everyone feels the incessant need to not be alone.”

    Connor finally allows himself to snap back. “Maybe you’re wrong this time. Yes, he drinks and he’s a miserable human being who doesn’t like other people, but how do we know that just who he is? What if he’s just like how we were way back in the orphanage, where everyone treated us like glass or ruined goods all the time? What if he wants– needs someone to be fuckin’ normal around him for a change to bring him out of his pit, and no one is there?”

    “If he wanted someone, he would have found someone. He had plenty of friends before he started this!” Ritch raises his voice from a whisper, and Connor can already tell that this isn’t going to end well, especially since he isn’t willing to roll over and surrender this time.

    “We had plenty of friends too, but they just didn’t understand once they found out, huh? They ended up just making things worse until all we had was each other. And there’s the thing! We still had one other person who understood! We had each other! And we’ve never remembered whatever trauma we’ve been through! He remembers it probably like it was yesterday and he is completely alone!”

    “This isn’t a fairy tale, Connor! This is real life, and in real life you can’t just swoop in and save the depressed, rumored suicidal alcoholic through the magical power of friendship!”

    “I don’t plan on saving anyone!” Connor shouts. The entire room becomes silent all of a sudden. He takes that moment to take a breath and continue at a normal speaking volume, “This is what you and everyone else don’t understand. I don’t want to save or fix people! I just want them to realize that there’s still hope for a somewhat normal life after their entire world shifted on its axis!” Connor takes another breath, recognizing that the three people in the room are no longer hiding the fact that they’re listening to him.

    “I know I’ve said before that people can’t ‘fix’ or ‘save’ other people. They can only ever offer hope and a sense of normality among the chaos and hope that person finds enough of their own strength to fix themselves. And go ahead and make fun of me for being ‘naive’ or whatever you want. This is what I’ve always thought and this is the one thing I will not let anyone change about me. Now, I’m going to go take a nap. Enjoy your people watching.”

    With that, Connor calmly makes his way across the gym area, a contradiction to the anger showing on his face and burning in his chest. He needs to calm down, and the best way to do that is to curl up in a calm, quiet place. He nods a silent greeting to the supposed troublemaker, Gavin Reed, on his way towards the door. Mostly to spite Ritch, but also because the guy had a really good form and the strength to back it up, and that deserves some kind of acknowledgement in Connor’s opinion.

     Connor vaguely hears his name being called by Ritch as he steps out of the gym area, and normally that would be enough to make him pause, which then gives him think over the argument. Nine times out of ten, during this process of thinking things over, his brain somehow convinces himself that the entire fight was his fault and the person won’t ever forgive him. This time, though, he doesn’t pause. He doesn’t give his messed up head a chance to twist things on him. Connor knows he’s right this time, and he’s not going to allow himself to bow down to Ritch about this topic. In this case, bowing down to Ritch would be the equivalent of bowing down to Amanda, and she isn’t here to control him anymore.

    No matter how far Connor was pushed during training as punishments, he never let her think she brainwashed that part of him, and she had not gone easy on him whatsoever.

    Call him naive, childish, innocent, too optimistic, whatever. He’s heard all of that and much more and much worse from countless people. He likes to give people the benefit of the doubt, he likes giving people second and sometimes third chances (but only if they truly deserve it, and never a fourth). He likes to think that most people in the world don’t mean to do harm, and if they do they have a reason behind it. This way of thinking is the only thing that keeps him going some days, and on the days he’d temporarily forgotten how to maintain that mindset were the days that not even threats and cruel promises from Amanda could get him out of his bed. Mr. Anderson may have been able to get away with staying in bed most days, but that’s because he was once a decorated jaeger pilot. Connor is barely an official trainee, he can’t afford any more missed time.

    “Connor!”

    The familiar, gruff voice snaps him out of his thoughts. It doesn’t sound like that’s the first time he’s tried calling Connor, either.

    “I apologise Mr. Anderson,” He starts with, turning on his heel quickly to not keep the older man waiting for his full attention a moment longer, “I was a bit lost in my head there for a few moments. I won’t let it happen again.”

    Mr. Anderson makes a face that falls between scowling and confusion, “Must’ve been deeper in there than you thought ‘cause this ain’t close to any place you’d be needed.”

    Looking around, he’s right. Connor doesn’t recognise these walls at all. There are different pipes and the floors are a slightly different texture than the rougher, more worn down metal or concrete of the other places he’s seen. He’s definitely in a bunker area, though, just not anywhere he’s been before, which means he’s probably in the area meant for more experienced pilots. Their bunkers are placed closest to the jaeger loading docks for faster take off. Connor must have taken a wrong turn at some point, still not completely used to this place’s layout.

    It was probably for the best, though, since the first place Ritch would surely check for him is their room (especially since he claimed that he was going to take a nap), and he doesn’t want a repeat of what happened in the gym nor a chance to apologize to his brother for the sake of ending the fight. Both options are equally possible at this moment, so plan “get back to the dorm to calm down in the quiet” changes to plan “avoid Ritch while finding a good place to calm down in”.

    “Fucks sake, Connor!” Mr. Anderson calls again, once more sounding like that wasn’t the first thing he’s said to the younger man since he had zoned out.

    Connor immediately tenses, not liking when people start raising their voices at him, and snaps out of his thoughts again. Here he is, causing problems and inconveniences for people again, just like the fuck up he’s been lately. He needs to find a calm, peaceful place to relax sooner rather than later; he can’t be in public any longer like this.

    “I’m sorry,” Connor takes a step back, then another, all while curling into himself, “I must have taken a wrong turn, I apologize for taking up your time,” He takes a few more steps back, not lifting his gaze from the ground, “I’m sorry, I’ll leave now. Sorry again–” Connor finishes weakly and darts out of the area, giving Mr. Anderson no chance to say anything to him.

    He tries to force his head to stay in the real world so he can actually register where is and find out where he’s going, but it’s slowly getting more difficult. He speed walks through the huge jaeger storage room, easily dodging all of the busy people moving about and doing their jobs. After a particular quick change in direction to avoid the woman with her nose in her clipboard, Connor is painfully aware that his leg is still throbbing from this morning, despite the painkillers he was given.

    At the reminder of the training room, he quickly finds a safe spot to stand in then checks the time. He hadn’t realised how much time has passed since lunch, and he isn’t sure how long of the past hour and a half was spent in the gym people watching and how much of it was spent wandering around aimlessly. He supposes it doesn’t matter at the moment. What does matter is that the training room should be empty by now, since everyone should be taking the written part of the exam so they can get a break from the physical exertion.

     Connor eventually makes it to the vacant room successfully. No one else tried to stop him or talk to him. No one else seemed to take any particular note of him at all. There was no sign of Mr. Anderson, Gavin Reed, or Ritch that he’d been able to find. He should be safe here.

    The first thing he does when he enters the room is find the best spot to spend over an hour in. He decides to camp in the left corner of the room, leaning against the wall the doorway he entered from is on. A minute or so of sitting and bouncing his leg and tapping his fingers pass before Connor decides to do some stretching. Yoga has always been his guilty pleasure and one of the few things that calmed him down completely. Besides, Amanda never complained about him being more flexible during fights. She said it complimented Ritch’s more solid technique.

    Why does every little thing bounce back to her? Stop that. She’s gone now, so stop thinking about her. Stop thinking…

    He isn’t sure when he fell asleep, but he knows he’s been in the Child’s Pose for a fair amount of time, if the pin pricks in his calves and feet and the ache rising in his knees and lower back have anything to say about that. With a quiet grunt, he rolls onto his back and straightens out his body, trying to stretch out all of the aching joints and muscles. Connor doesn’t think it would be as bad if it was his entire body that ached, because then it would be easier to ignore it and move on.

    “Oh shit. Connor, what are you doing in here?” North asks, making Connor jump.

    Connor should have realized that he wasn’t alone in the room. With how tired he was, and still is, there’s no way he would have woken up on his own while the sun was still up.

    Connor notes the random sounds of concern and confusion and the footsteps growing closer to him. He decides to go with sarcasm and humor, rather than the blunt truth. He’s already caused enough inconveniences today, and he knows this group well enough to know that they won’t somehow be offended by it.

    “Oh, you know. Just doing yoga. I don’t recommend falling asleep in the middle of a pose though…” Connor fails to cover a groan as he sits up. His legs have gotten a bit better, but his back and ankles certainly haven’t yet. “Yea, definitely not the best position to fall asleep in.”

    Markus offers a hand to lift him up to his feet, and Connor gladly takes it. “Why are you doing yoga in here of all places? If you don’t mind my asking, of course.”

    “I didn’t even know you did yoga,” Josh jumps in.

    Connor elects to ignore Markus’ question for the time being, “It’s always been a guilty pleasure of mine, and once my… Once the person who was taking care of me and Ritch figured out I was doing yoga in my spare time instead of doing extra studying, she didn’t actively try to stop me.” He starts leaning and twisting his torso in different directions to try to stretch his back, grimacing at how it pulls at some of the bandages and injuries on his torso. “She actually said that my flexibility and fluidity in fights complimented Ritch’s more rigid and solid form.”

    “Jesus,” Simon breathes out, “The way you and Ritch describe– Amanda was it?” Connor nods, “Makes it seem like she wasn’t your stepmother at all.”

    One would think that Connor would learn to think before replying.

    “That’s because she really wasn’t.” He finally straightens up for good, his back better, now. “I think she only adopted us because we said we wanted to become jaeger pilots when we grew up. Well, I did, anyway.” Connor adds that last part softly, massaging his left palm with his right thumb.

    “Wait,” Josh blurts, “You said her name was Amanda?”

    “Yes?” Why does Josh look like he’s found the missing last piece to a 500 part jigsaw puzzle?

    “Amanda, as in, Amanda Stern? Do you share her last name?”

    Seeing how everyone’s eyes light up confuses Connor even more. He’s definitely missing something here.

    “Yes? Have you met her before or know somebody else who has?”

    “Have we met her!?” North suddenly exclaims, “Are you kidding me!? Only a small group of people have met her, everyone else just knows of her and her work! She’s a fucking legend among the jaeger pilot and special forces trainers! She always trains the best fighters! No wonder you two are so far out of our league! Especially if you’ve been in her care for so long!”

    “I didn’t realise she was popular.”

    “She’s more than just popular. She’s downright famous within the jaeger and military community.” Simon corrects.

    “I’m actually shocked you didn’t know. Did you never question what those gatherings were, as you and Ritch call them?” Josh asks.

    “Uh, no? Asking particularly dumb questions usually meant more work the next day for us, so neither of us wanted to ask. We just knew that wealthy people came over for conversation and drinks and we had to stay out of the way unless sought out and spoken to.”

    Markus seems to snap out of his silent contemplation then. “More work for asking dumb questions. A life wearing nothing but uniforms and sleepwear, little to no toys and electronics growing up despite her having the funds for more than enough. That mixed with how you guys are pretty much soldiers already and claim to have learned most of it on your own… She does not sound like someone who deserves the high praise she gets. It all sounds questionable at best.”

    “I mean… I guess? But she was only trying to get us used to following orders and stuff so we wouldn’t get in trouble here.” Right? “I don’t think she wasn’t a bad person? She just liked having things a certain way and was very determined to get it that way. We just weren’t good enough pilots for her in the beginning, is all. She was very nice and pleasant to us when we did something right, and always was to other people, too.”

    Whatever Markus is thinking, Simon catches on too. Maybe they have the telepathy thing that Connor and Ritch have, too. “Were you and Ritch holding back this morning?”

    Connor doesn’t know where this is going, but he doesn’t like it.

    “What do you mean? We were told to go all out so we could be evaluated properly.”

    “That’s what you were told to do,” Markus puts a kind hand on his shoulder. It’s oddly and undeniably comforting. “But did you actually?”

    “No. We held back.” Ritch’s voice says from the doorway, having just popped in, “We had to be at least a little more gentle than usual because we were on those thin mats, and not mud or thicker foam like we’re used to. But after seeing everyone else’s skill levels this morning, we decided it would be best to blend in and hold back more.”

    “What happened to keeping that hidden? What if Luther and Chloe find out?” Connor steps towards his brother, causing Markus’ hand to fall from his shoulder.

    “I see no reason to hide that from this group in particular.” Ritch remains as stoic and unbothered as always. “They’ve proven themselves to be trustworthy, and at least two of them had already figured it out. It’d be more effort to try to continue hiding it from them.” Connor goes to retort, but Ritch continues, “Why are you getting upset? I thought you wanted to come clean?”

    Connor has to curl his hands into fists and clench his jaw to keep the angered words and growls from leaving his mouth. It doesn’t help in the slightest that he never got to properly calm down from the fight earlier. He just fell asleep on the floor.

    “What brings you here, Ritch?” he asks calmly, instead.

    He rolls his eyes– a thing he would have gotten smacked for if they were still under Amanda’s roof, Connor’s brain supplies. “Well, you kind of stormed out earlier.”

    “That generally means that person doesn’t want to be in the other’s presence anymore.”

    “Oh would you stop being a child for two seconds and come with me to eat dinner. You need to eat and we can finish talking then.”

    Connor sharply looks to the side. “I’ll be there in a few. Go ahead without me.” He continues as Ritch opens his mouth to say something, “And if you just stay here and wait for me I will purposely skip dinner and breakfast tomorrow. And you know I’ve lasted longer without food before and it won’t faze me.”

    “And you know it won’t faze me either.”

    “Won’t it?” Connor usually lasted just over three days without food before giving in during Amanda’s “survival evaluations”. Ritch only lasted one and a half on average.

    There’s a heavy, tense silence where Connor is painfully aware of the other four’s presence, and that they have no clue what to make of this or how to handle it. Thankfully, Ritch caves first with a sigh.

    “Fine then, but I don’t want you near Mr. Anderson.”

    Connor clenches his fists and law. “Good thing you’re not my guardian or superior then.”

    “He is, though. Your superior.”

    “And he hasn’t kicked me off of his table yet. And don’t even claim that he could be letting me stay just to be polite or whatever. We both know he isn’t like that.”

    Another silence, less tense and much shorter this time, though. Yet it’s broken by Ritch’s sigh once more.

    “Fine.” He snaps, shaking his head, “It’s your life, your downfall, your embarrassment, and your panic attack when he comes to dislike you.” He turns around and starts walking out of the room. He doesn’t pause as he calls over his shoulder, “Don’t come crying to me this time. This will be all your doing, and I am not your guardian.”

    “Wasn’t going to.” the other half calls back.

    Well that was a disaster. Well, not so much of a disaster as a wreckage of notable size. Here Connor was, thinking that it would be himself that would ruin his relationship with Markus, North, Josh, and Simon, but oh no. No, it was going to be Ritch that destroyed it in the end. That robotic asshat.

    Well, time to do some damage control.

    “I am so sorry you guys had to see that–”

    “Are you two like this all the time?” Josh interrupts.

    His question makes him freeze and stumble over his previous thought. Why would he care how he and Ritch act around one another?

    “Yes and no? I mean, when we’re not talking business, we’re either doing our own thing and leaving each other alone or training together, but our arguments don’t usually last this long. It’s usually solved one way or another by now.” Connor takes a deep breath, and finally relaxes his fists and stature, not realizing he was tense for a fight. He turns to the group that is now cautious, not unlike treading on eggshells, but not treating him as if he were delicate or unpredictable. More like unsteady, if he was forced to choose a word. “You guys know how siblings are, after all. This will pass.”

    No one says or indicates anything. Are siblings not usually like this?

    Markus takes a step forward. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but were you and Ritch pitted against each other often?”

    Connor almost considers leaving the room right then, making use of the out he was given. He’s been talking way too much today, anyway; he feels the way his throat is getting hoarse with how much he’s been using his voice. On top of that, he just doesn’t want to go into detail about their training. He doesn’t want their opinions of him or Ritch to change because of what they’ve done in the past. Although, if his twin didn’t feel like waiting until they were alone to continue their dispute, then why should Connor spare him of this?

    “I was under the impression that everyone fought against their partner in order to train. It helps both trainees’ styles to be either complementary to one another or near identical, and it helps them think in similar or complementary ways during battles, too. Did you guys not spar against each other regularly?”

    “There’s a difference between sparring against your partner and being pitted against them, Connor.” North responds this time, uncharacteristically subdued.

    “Well, yes, I suppose so…” There are so many regrets right now. After this, he’s just not going to talk anymore. It’s not worth it.

    Simon takes a slow step forward, watching his reaction, “Stop me if I’m going too far, but were you guys ever told to fight with the intentions to harm or subdue each other, rather than just to train? ‘Cause that is usually considered illeg–”

    –hand in his hair, boot digging into his back. He can’t breathe, he may as well be drowning on the mud he’s being pushed into–

    “No.” he says with a sharp shake of his head. Whether it’s an answer to Simon’s question or a reaction to his thoughts, not even Connor himself knows.

    –he takes the knife from his leg, wincing and hissing as it tears through–

    No.

    –loses his grip, causing him to be pinned again. He can’t move his arm. Why can’t he move his arm?–

    No, no no no no no–

    –it’s cold in summer..? Why is my vision so blurry? Wait, why am I alone now? No, wait! Don’t leave me! Please! I’ll do better! I promise I’ll do bet–

    “Connor?!”

    Connor finally snaps out of it with a small gasp, realizing that his vision really is getting blurry, but for a different reason. Crying is extremely disgraceful and impolite, especially in front of others. You have to be on your best behavior in front of people, and crying and curling up on the ground is not good behavior. He straightens up and forcibly relaxes his posture, using a single knuckle to wipe the threatening tears in the corners of his eyes. It’s now that he realizes he was beginning to hyperventilate. He needs a minute to be alone and calm himself, but he doesn’t want to be left alone. He really doesn’t want to be left alone–

    Ah, but he isn’t alone right now and they won’t be leaving him, he can distantly hear them telling him that right now. Maybe there’s a chance they won’t completely avoid him in the near future. Although, for now, he needs to be fine, and his small group of allies certainly don’t see him as fine right now. He needs to calm down. He’s making a fool of himself in front of them. He needs to reassure them that he’s fine. He’ll be fine. He’ll definitely be fine–

    “Connor, I’m so sorry.”

    “No, it wasn’t your fault. I apologize for the way I reacted just then.” Manners are key, especially when forced to cut a conversation short. He bows his head with practiced grace, “And to answer your question, no, we weren’t ever told to fight each other with such an intent. Honestly. It– ah– we weren’t technically against each other…” He looks up at the clock on the wall; it’s nearly dinner time. “Ah, you guys came in here earlier for a reason and I just keep getting in the way. My apologies.” Markus opens his mouth to speak, but Connor doesn’t give him time. “Thank you for keeping me company, though.”

    “Connor, I’m sorry for asking–”

    No no no. Can’t think of that. Don’t think. It never happened. It was just a bad dream. Just think of it as a bad dream. Ritch said it would help. Amanda may lie, but Ritch doesn’t. Does he?

    “No no, you’re quite alright. You didn’t know, it wasn’t your fault. It’s natural for people to be curious, and it really wasn’t that bad. I simply have a habit of over reacting to things.” Connor tries to make his following laugh sound genuine, but falls short. “Well, I should go now. Dinner will be starting soon and you still have business to attend to. I’ll see you guys later if you’re interested.”

    Connor finally manages to shuffle out of the room, but he never makes it to dinner that night, even if he told Ritch he would. Despite what he just claimed, he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to talk to them again. People hate when others are large burdens, and that’s exactly what he’s becoming for them. He thought he could be better with fresh, new faces, but apparently it doesn’t work that way. It’s not how it works. It won’t ever be how it works, so it’s better to just leave them alone and let them have peace.

    Ritch was right. He probably needs to start leaving Mr. Anderson alone. He understands now. Maybe he can still sit there to be alone? But why would he stay here at the base just to be alone? If he can’t even handle getting casual friends, how will he ever find a partner? And Connor’s replaceable in a way the ex-pilot is not, so they would not be nearly as patient with him.

    Does that mean he needs to quit after all? What could he even do if not this? What would Ritch do? Connor’s the reason he’s even here in the first place. He’s the reason Ritch will be stuck in a life style he never particularly wanted growing up. Why can’t Connor ever do anything right? Everyone is right, he’s too naive, too childish, too quick to get too deep into things. It needs to stop. He’ll pack his things tomorrow and tell the instructors about all of this and he’ll be gone by tomorrow evening or the next morning, whenever Ritch isn’t around. If Ritch finds out he’ll definitely blame Connor and make him stay with him as payback or something. Connor can’t stay, though. He’s useless.

    His room’s door opens with a creek, causing Connor to instinctively curl into himself, but he forces himself to relax and slow his breathing. If Ritch thinks he’s asleep when he gets back, he’ll leave him alone. With every footstep, adrenaline rushes through Connor. He’s distantly aware that he’s being like this because he’s afraid Ritch is going to pop out of nowhere and confront him, knowing he won’t have the energy to fight back now. They’ve been arguing all day and a good chunk of yesterday too, it’d only make sense for Ritch to try something like that.

    Instead of doing so, though, Connor simply changes into sleeping clothes and climbs into bed. The main light was never turned on, so the room has been coated in darkness from the start. After some time of resting, though, there’s the creak of the door, then a click accompanied by a soft, yellow light flooding the room. It stays on for a long while before Connor hears Ritch shifting around again. This time, the other twin climbs out of the lower bunk and sounds like he’s about to put on his real clothes again, but pauses in the process.

    “Connor.” The man in question can hear the stern frown in Ritch’s voice. He uses all of his self control to not stiffen because of it, but it apparently wasn’t good enough. “Connor, I know you’re up. Why didn’t you eat?” that same stern frown is likely still on his face.

    Connor doesn’t move, hoping that if he keeps up the act and ignores his racing heart, Ritch will convince himself that he was just seeing things. He knows it’s not a realistic thing to hope for, but still.

    “Connor, even if you weren’t up before, I know you would be by now. Why weren’t you in the food court? The others were.”

    No response. He remembers what he said before in the training room, he doesn’t want to talk to anyone anymore. It just makes things worse. Besides, his throat is still a bit scratchy.

    “Fine. Be a child. I don’t care. I’m not putting up with this shit anymore.”

    No, wait, please don’t leave. I take it back, I’ll get better at talking so I can do it without messing up, like you can. I’ll teach myself how to respond better so I don’t have to worry about making things worse anymore. I’m sorry. I don’t want you to hate me. I don’t want anyone to hate me. I don’t want to be alone again. Please–

    “Connor?” Soft footsteps creep closer. “Are you crying?” If Connor didn’t know better, he’d almost say that Ritch sounded concerned.

    Before responding, he takes a shaky breath so he can speak without too many tremors in his voice. “I’m not crying.” Another, shorter breath. “It’s impolite and childish, especially in front of people.” The next breath is shakier, and definitely a give away that he’s slowly failing his attempt at not crying. “I’m fine. You need rest.”

    “Connor–”

    “You’re not my guardian. You don’t need to babysit me. Just let me self destruct like you said you would. It’s not even anything serious. Goodnight.” Just because his sleep schedule is going to be completely ruined, doesn’t mean Ritch’s has to be as well.

    “Connor…”

    He doesn’t respond.

    There’s a shuffle of Ritch sitting down on the bed as he asks, “Did they ask more questions?”

    “Yes, but you were there for them.” Maybe he’ll let him go to sleep if he plays along.

    “Was that the only thing they asked?”

    Connor sighs, annoyed. “Yes.”

    “What did they ask?”

    Connor finally makes himself sit up. “Ritch, I just said–”

    “Connor.” If a tone of voice could paralyze, Connor wouldn’t even be able to blink.

    He sighs again, this time in defeat. “If I tell you, would you let me sleep?”

    “Depends on if what I’m told and if it’s a lie or not.”

    Connor hesitates.

    “...if I promise to tell the truth, will you leave me alone?”

    “Depends on what the truth is.”

    “Then no.”

    Ritch jumps up from where he sat on his lower bunk. “Connor! I swear to god–”

    “They brought it up, okay? God, are you happy now?”

    “Brought what up, Connor? Use your words–”

    “It.” he snarls, “They asked a question that made me think of when it happened. And I know you aren’t as affected by it as I am, but I can’t handle anything like you can. I just can’t...” Connor finally lets himself fall back down on his bed in a desperate attempt to hide the silent tears that are finally falling.

    This time, Ritch is the one that doesn’t have a response. Good. Let him think about when it happened. Let him suffer just like Connor was trying to avoid because he’s a nosy prick.

    Ritch heaves a deep sigh. “I’m sorry. I can talk to them about it tomorrow, try to calm them down. They’re probably very worried about you or both of us now.”

   Connor grunts. They probably should be worried, but he knows that leaving things as they are now would only make things worse for himself in the long run.

   “Connor.” Another grunt. “Please try to eat something tomorrow. I’ll talk to Luther to see if you can take tomorrow off. I’m sure he’ll understand.”

    “I’m not a child anymore.” he grumbles.

    “No, you’re not.” he agrees softly.

    Another grunt, this time followed by a heavy sigh. He won’t be getting that break. Even if he did get it, the chances of him being put in the danger zone of being sent home are more likely than most of the other trainees. If he can’t even handle being here for two days without becoming so completely and utterly useless, then what business does he have trying to be a fully-fledged pilot? None, that’s the answer.

    He is distantly aware that Ritch has started trying to talk to him again, but Connor really just wants to go to sleep and forget about today, and so he does. He assumes his twin goes to bed soon after he did, though, because when he tries to wake Connor up for breakfast the next morning, he appears to be well rested. No obvious dark circles or bags under his eyes, no sluggish movements, his eyes clear. That’s good. Ritch will do just fine here. He knows how to talk like a normal human being and responds to others well. He’ll definitely find a new partner in no time.

    Ritch walks out the door. Connor almost tries to get up to get ready for class, then figures that if he’s actually going to quit soon, then he may as well just stay put. Therefore, he’s still in bed by the time breakfast ends and the first class begins. No one tries to come get him. He’s not surprised, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t still sting. He tries to convince himself that it’s just because Ritch told everyone that he needs a day off, but, if anything, that makes the sting in his chest worse for some reason.

    He’ll try going in after lunch, after he’s had some time to settle down a bit.

    After deciding on that, he goes to his dresser drawer and pulls out the small bottle of strong sleeping essential oil that Ritch and Amanda have no clue he has, let alone needs often enough for it to maybe be unhealthy. Here, he has it stuffed in the back of his dresser-locker under some clothes. He rubs a bit of it onto his foot then pulls a sock on because he doesn’t want that horrendous smell getting all over his sheets. His head doesn’t even quite make it onto the pillow properly before he’s out like a light.

    Sleeping means no thinking, and no thinking means no stressing, after all, and that oil does a damn good job at knocking people out.

•◊•◊•◊•◊•

Previous <~> Masterlist <~> Next

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A/N: Hey guys! Sorry about the long wait! I promise future updates won’t take this long! I’m just in the middle of a move and  life kinda bitch slapped me outta no where there for a hot minute, but I think things are going better now. The next update probably won’t be as soon as I want it to be, but y’all won’t have to wait four months again Lol. Thank you to anyone who stuck around this long, despite me being new Heheh 😄 Thank you for reading and I hoped y’all didn’t hate it!! I absolutely promise that next chapter will be filled with lots of comfort and fluff!! 😄💖💕

[samingtonwilson]

9 Things Couples Do - Jim Kirk

Summary: People do funny, stupid, cute, and sad things when they’re in love.

Warnings: language, a bit fluffy

A/N: everyone, i love jim kirk. i hope this is as good as it was in my head and better than i actually think its mediocre ass turned out (i am sick, though, so who knows). it’s such a long fic, y’all.

One

Jim assumed your favorite ice cream flavor was strawberry and you didn’t have the heart to tell him otherwise. Especially not when he was looking at you in the way he was.

Impacted by the width and intensity of his smile, his eyes were narrowed and illuminated. He looked softer that way— less authoritative, less like the Captain Kirk the crew served under— he looked like the Jim you’d fallen for.

When the girl behind the counter looked at you with an eyebrow raised in question, you gave her a half-shrug you made sure was hidden from Jim. “Just one scoop, please.”

“One?” Jim asked, turning a little to look at you. He snorted and rolled the blue eyes that could have lit up the entire old-school San Francisco parlor. “Baby. And here I thought you had a gut of steel.”

“It’s not polite to comment on what metal you think makes-up the gut of your significant other.”

He snorted again, his fingertips shoving you with a force your weakened legs didn’t have the strength to withstand. He caught you before you could stumble a few inches to the right, immediately clasping his hand in yours. “Still tired from the…” he cleared his throat, “walk?”

The girl behind the counter giggled loud enough to force your teeth into your tongue, your cheeks and the tops of your ears burning instantly. You squeezed Jim’s hand so a wince left his lips and he snatched it back from yours. “I’m tired from the actual walk here. It’s uphill. And I do have a gut of steel— a roomy gut of steel, roomier than yours.”

Jim titled his head and took his gaze from yours to meet that of the girl busying herself with your strawberry ice cream and Jim’s chocolate with peanut butter swirled throughout. He smiled at her. “Did that sound like a challenge to you? Did you hear me being challenged by the person that is supposed to love me, to uplift me?”

“I do love you,” you mumbled before you looked at the girl and took the cone she offered you. “He’s dramatic— excuse him, please.”

You looked down at the already melting pink mess, then back up at Jim. You quirked a single eyebrow. “But let’s say I was challenging you— that I’m betting you my gut’s roomier than yours. What’s that entail?”

“Whoever finishes the most ice cream in twenty minutes.”

“That’s a long ass time, Jim. We just had dinner—”

“Ten minutes. No cones, just cups and spoons— cones take too long to finish.”

“The usual stakes or do you wanna modify them?”

“The usual stakes,” he said with a single nod. He was smirking so openly and cockily. It bugged you.

“We’ll tip you generously,” you told the girl who was now staring at the two of you with eyes the size and shape of saucers. “You just have to keep up, okay? Two servings ahead of us each time just to be safe. No stopping even when I look like my brain has frozen itself into a coma.”

Jim clapped his hands together. “This is what you trained for!”

“I-I haven’t really trained,” she said. She sounded nervous— a wise girl to be nervous, you thought.

You and Jim looked at one another, shrugged, and beckoned her to begin scooping.

Two

There was something about the way you were sitting beside Jim— one of your shoulders against his chest so his nose could drag across your skin and bury itself in your hair easily.

There was something about the way you smelled— the perfume only lightly dusted over your skin overpowered by the smell of his shampoo in your hair as you’d just run out that morning.

And there was definitely something about the way his jeans were growing tighter by the second— your hand placed on his thigh so your fingernails scraped absentminded patterns against the fabric, moving up and up.

He lifted himself from the booth bench discreetly, trying to adjust himself with the utmost caution. He coughed to cover the squeaking of the vinyl, skimming his fingertip over the rim of his nearly empty glass.

His movement didn’t escape you, though.

You looked over your shoulder and tilted your head. “Something wrong?”

He looked over your features. He traced the slope of your nose, the dip of your cupid’s bow, the width of your eyes— all with his gaze. He let himself focus on your lips for a few seconds.

He could’ve slapped himself for that mistake. All he could do was picture your lips moving against his until they grew darker, picture your lips trailing across his jaw and your teeth biting the skin of his neck, picture those same lips wrapped around his hard length until he—

“You know, if you come, in public, before I even get my hands on you, we’re breaking up.”

He almost shivered. The lowness of your voice definitely wasn’t helping him, nor was the slight flashing of your eyes. “Can we leave? Fuck, I’ll settle for the restroom at this rate.”

“If you think these knees are touching a sticky dive bar floor in the middle of this slime-coated Federation planet, —”

“Yeah, that’s it, give me more of an image. I really need that right now.”

You took mercy on him. Patting his leg twice, you leaned towards him and caught his earlobe between your teeth for a moment, whispering, “We’re leaving. But it’s on you to cover whatever you’ve got goin’ on down there.”

“We’re leaving!” you said once more, but to everyone at the table this time. You smiled at the knowing smirk of sarcasm painted over Leonard’s face, his tan skin creasing as a result.

He then snorted. His Southern drawl was out in full force in his drunken state, “Typical— leavin’ in the middle of a night out to fuck. Least you held off— unlike Scotty and Turner who’re busy fuckin’ in the bathrooms.”

“We have better manners than to—” you cut yourself off with a loud gasp. “Scotty and Turner?!”

Three

Walking down the well-lit cavernous corridors of the Enterprise after a ten-hour shift in the medbay, PADD in-hand and communicator in-boot, you lamented in your lack of coffee. Though Leonard offered to replicate some before you trudged into the turbolift, you refused with a polite smile and small wave. You were running late as is.

You passed many faces you recognized and many you didn’t. As for the latter, you couldn’t be bothered to change course, posture, or activity— their lack of knowing you didn’t impact their knowing of not to bother post-shift you. For the former, however, you hid behind your hair or looked down at your PADD, seemingly engrossed in whatever the screen shone up at you.

“You’re late.”

You almost tripped over your own feet at the sound of his voice, your PADD tumbling from your fingers and hitting the ground with a gross clank. You brushed your hair out of your eyes and sighed. “Good lord, Jim.”

He laughed, bending to retrieve the fallen electronic. He held onto it as he motioned for you to continue walking. “You look like you’re going to pass out any second now.”

“Some idiot kept me up last night with his snores and body heat,” you said, smiling at him innocently as he sent a scowl your way. “Also, you can’t condemn me for being late if you’re still roaming the halls. We said dinner at eight.”

“My hypocrisy is irrelevant. It’s about the principle, angel.” He let the back of his hand brush against yours for a short moment before lacing your fingers together and pulling you into his side. “And, because I know you so well, I’m sure you’re going to ask to postpone dinner even more so you can shower at your place and meet me at mine.”

You looked up at him with an apologetic expression. “I smell like disinfectant and my hair is—”

“You don’t have to explain yourself. I just—” he sighed and halted in his steps. “What if you showered at my place?”

“My shampoo’s in my shower and I need fresh clothes—”

“What if your shampoo was in my shower?”

“Then I wouldn’t have clothes.”

“What if your clothes were in my closet?”

You took a step back. “What are you saying?”

“Wouldn’t it be easier if your shampoo was in my shower, your clothes were in my closet, and we went to the same place after our shifts everyday?” he asked. He was staring at you— in that same soft way that felt like velvet. “Please tell me you’re following.”

Smile over your lips, you nodded. “I am, but I want you to spell it out for me.”

He sighed, smiling as well. “Just move in with me already.”

Four

It was a long day for you both.

Jim spent it arguing with Spock. He called it “Spock’s semi-annual bout of blind disagreement” and Spock called it “Jim’s semi-annual bout of illogical childishness.” Or at least, that’s what you’d hope Spock would call it after you suggested it during the half-Vulcan’s latest physical.

As for you, you had spent the day running after stubborn red shirts that opened an incorrect valve and gave themselves extensive steam burns. It wouldn’t have been such a large task if the red shirts had even a remote ability to sit still— but that didn’t seem to be the case.

You and Jim sat side-by-side on the too-stiff couch in your shared quarters when you should have been eating dinner side-by-side, preparing to sleep side-by-side. You exchanged groans and moans intermittently.

“If I could just do something that would bug him as much as he bugs me,” Jim began, speaking through his teeth that you were surprised had enough strength to remain gritted.

“Cut all his hair off while he sleeps.” The pure exhaustion in your voice was heavy enough to suffocate you but you gathered the energy to speak each time Jim spoke to you. You didn’t want him to go unanswered.

Jim shook a bit with silent laughter, a soft chuckle slipping through his lips. He sighed as you slumped into his side, his arm immediately draping over your shoulders. “I don’t know if I can.”

“‘Course you can. You’ve got access to everyone’s rooms.”

“Sometimes I think his hair is just one large mass. It never moves, you can never see strands. I’ve never seen the man get a haircut.”

“I wonder if you could get me access to Lieutenant Kabir’s room so I could use the dermal regenerator on his fucking arm.”

“I should ask Uhura if it moves, if it has strands. Sometimes I think it’s rubber, or plastic, or leather.”

“Leather?” you asked with a snort. “S’not leather. What if it’s a helmet? Or just, like, a cut-up bowling ball.”

Jim scoffed. “I can’t get you into Kabir’s room, by the way.”

You waved your hand dismissively. “Abuse of power, schmabooze of schmower.”

He laughed out loud this time, rubbing his palm against his forehead. “I actually meant I’m too tired to make it there. I’m sorry, angel.”

You hummed, lifting your head to lock your fingers through Jim’s as they hung over your shoulder. “No apologies. Let’s just complain more— I like it.”

Five

You groaned as you placed your pillow over your head, clamping it there tightly to block out every lyric Jim practically yelled from the shower.

You gritted your teeth tightly, practically grinding them together as his voice seemed to seep through the thick cotton cover and firm cotton stuffing. You adjusted your fingers to wrap the pillow around your head with an even greater tightness and whimpered into the mattress your nose was smashed onto.

You normally never objected to Jim’s singing— he could carry any tune easily and the sound of his voice was enough to melt any stress occluding your thoughts. But, after working two shifts without so much as an hour break in between, rest was precious to you.

He didn’t stop even as the water shut off and spent the subsequent minutes actually increasing his volume.

With a far louder groan than your last, you threw the pillow aside and ripped the comforter from your body, placing your bare feet on the floor and standing on shaky, exhausted legs. Your hands formed tight fists and your steps were heavy as you walked across the room— your teeth could have cracked from the pressure you placed upon them.

You felt the heat rolling off your own body as you approached the door, banging your fist against the door three times without answer. “Jim fucking Kirk, I swear to any and every deity anyone has ever prayed to, —”

The door slid open with a soft hiss, the man behind it grinning at you with a freshness rivaling any spring you’d ever witnessed. Water fell from his growing blonde hair onto his bare shoulders and rolled down his torso, soaking the waistband of his undone trousers. “What? What do you swear to any and every deity anyone has ever prayed to, angel?”

You took your teeth from your bottom lip at the sound of his voice and cleared your throat. You decided to glare at him once you met his almost electric blue eyes. “I could dump you for disrupting my sleep.”

“Okay, and I could fight you on that.” The amusement in his eyes, painting the smile over his lips, forcing the tone of his voice irritated you beyond belief.

“Mess with my sleep and any fight is inadequate, Kirk.”

He tilted his head. His visible amusement only increased. “We’re using last names now? That’s a thing we’re doing?”

“It adds emphasis,” you shrugged. “I was trying to sleep, why would you have a goddamn concert in the shower while I’m trying to sleep?”

“I wasn’t having a con—”

“I heard you thank Yorktown for being a great audience.”

His smile faltered a bit. “Haven’t we reached a point in our relationship where nothing is embarrassing anymore?”

“I don’t know, Jim,” you replied. The pink over the apples of his cheeks and the tips of his ears did away with some of your anger. “S’pretty embarrassing— Len won’t let you live it down.”

“Bones knows?”

“He will when I tell him.” You reached up to pat his cheek, smirking. “Consider us even, Beastie Boy reject.”

Six

Tossing your tray of half-finished food aside, you rose from the front-row table and nodded knowingly at Uhura once. She laughed in response as you took short, calculated steps towards the lines behind the plethora of replicators.

You placed your index finger over your pursed lips when Leonard spotted you, shaking your head quickly when his mouth opened. “Please, please, please,” you mouthed to him.

He snorted quietly and nodded before rolling his hazel eyes. He resumed his conversation with Jim, just nodding as his friend spoke.

You brushed past clustering crewmembers and raised yourself onto the balls of your feet once you reached Jim. With a quick kiss to his cheek, you grinned as he turned his face to look at you and bumped your noses together. “That’s four for me, loser.”

A few hours later, Jim found himself hiding behind the curtain he knew you were on the other side of. He could hear you as you spoke to the patient, giving them sound advice on the necessity of adequate rest and hydration.

He was trying to keep his breathing quiet as he heard your steps carry you in his direction and worked even harder to keep himself from yelling out in premature triumph when you pulled the curtain aside.

As soon as he saw your eyes flash towards him, he leaned in and pressed his lips to your cheek. He immediately began backing away, laughing as he did. “We’re tied, angel.”

The next morning, you kept yourself cooped up in your favorite exam room and, with the bimonthly physicals already in session, you were justified in doing so. Which is what you told Leonard as he stepped through the door with one of the widest scowls you’d ever seen.

“Cut the crap,” he said, snorting in response to your thin defense. “You’re in here because of that stupid kissin’ game you and Jim have got goin’.”

“What game?” you asked, eyes wide as you stared at him. “There is no ga—”

The deadpanned expression he offered you cut you off easily.

You sighed in defeat. “He’s winning, Len! We can’t let him win!”

“Who is this ‘we’ you’re referrin’ to, sweetheart? None of the bullshit y’all do is any of my concern.” He paused for a moment. “Besides, if I was goin’ to be pickin’ sides, I’d be on Jim’s.”

“What are you—”

As if queued up perfectly, there was a flash of command gold through the agape door before Jim’s soft lips pressed against your cheek. His arm went around your waist as you stumbled to the side a bit, stabilizing you before kissing your cheek again. “That count as two? Should count as two.”

“You cheated!” you shouted, pushing at Jim’s chest as you gawked at him incredulously. “You totally cheated!”

“Only two rules,” he began, holding two fingers up. “One, kisses in our quarters don’t count and, two, first to reach ten.”

“Whose stupid idea was this?” you were still yelling, which only made Jim smile more.

“Mine. And now,” he nearly sang as he leaned forward once more to kiss your cheek especially sloppily. “I’m at ten and I win.”

“But —”

“God, I can’t wait for you to only speak to Spock in Shakespeare quotes.”

You were fuming. “I hate you.”

Jim looked at Leonard and raised his thick eyebrows. “‘The course of true love never did run smooth,’ eh?”

Seven

You turned from your side onto your back, sighing as you adjusted the comforter so it was tucked under your arms. You then flipped onto your stomach, sighing once more as you moved onto your other side. Deciding that position pulled on your healing wound too much, you moved.

As soon as you were lying on your back again, you stared at the ceiling blankly. You couldn’t see the boundaries of any of the plates, not bothering to turn the lights on as you squinted at them.

You looked to your left and let your gaze linger on Jim’s usual spot. You missed the mess of blonde hair that would peek out from the covers, the bright blue eyes that would flutter open upon realization of and concern about your restlessness.

But Jim’s anger always burned slowly— much slower than you could stand. He would simmer in his frustration, in his discontent for hours just overthinking and overanalyzing in silence— a silence that was drowning you at this very moment.

You felt like you couldn’t breathe when he didn’t speak to you, you felt like your lungs were shriveling up more and more with each second he spent sleeping on the couch.

You sat up, running your fingers through your hair and pulling a little. You considered your options and wrung your fingers together, twisting almost painfully.

Just as you heard rustling, you lied back down and pulled the bed spread over your head. You held your breath when you heard footsteps, you almost cursed yourself for letting a tear escape the corner of your eye when the steps went right past you to the bathroom.

You sat up again, calling for the lights to flicker on at twenty-percent rather than shock your eyes with anything higher. You combed your fingers through your hair and wiped at your cheeks to look mildly presentable, mildly put-together. You licked your lips when you registered how dry they were.

The door slid open once the water of the sink shut off and exhausted eyes met yours. He didn’t bother to speak, didn’t offer a word as he began to shuffle across the room.

“You have to talk to me eventually.”

He grunted in response.

“Take the bed. I’m the one that made a mistake, I should sleep on the couch.”

He stopped walking. “No.”

Something inside of you shook. “I’m the one that— that didn’t—” you were too tired to form a coherent sentence, but that didn’t stop you from trying. “I’m wrong, I know I’m wrong. You didn’t deserve to— I made a mistake. I didn’t listen to you and I went on that mission, I didn’t listen to you while I was out there and put myself in danger. I got hurt and it’s my fault—”

“It’s late. Sleep.”

Eight

Each time Jim shut his eyes, he saw the look in your eyes as you backed away from him and stepped onto the transporter platform. The look in your eyes that tore whatever was in his chest to pieces. The look you only had because he hurt you, because he yelled at you to be quiet when you went against his decision.

Each time he found silence, he heard Uhura announce that your communication line was dead. He heard Scotty announce that he could no longer track you. He heard Leonard say you’d left his side because a patient asked you to help someone too hurt to move, because caring for the wounded mattered more to you than your own safety— even in a war-torn territory the Enterprise was called on to assist medically. Louder than all of that, he heard the words he told you before you left, the tone he used before you left.

And each time he heard your voice, he remembered that he’d almost lost you. He forgave you the second you came on board with an arrow jammed into your side, your weak voice telling Leonard to make sure Jim was okay, to make sure he wasn’t too stressed out. But he couldn’t forget— not when you were forced to take it easy for subsequent weeks, not when you winced each time you moved too suddenly.

He wasn’t simmering in his anger like you thought he was, he wasn’t letting it burn him alive. He just didn’t know what he could say to the only person that made him so weak. How could he tell you that he was so angry that you almost left him? How could he be so selfish as to tell you he wanted to lock you inside your shared quarters and never let you out lest something happen? How could he even begin to express how much he loved you if it all just sounded insufficient in comparison to what he actually felt?

So as you asked him to take the bed and offered to take the couch, he couldn’t muster a word aside from, “No.”

When you fought him on it, when you reminded him of why his chest hurt almost every second, of why he couldn’t meet the dimming blue eyes of his reflection, he couldn’t say more than, “It’s late. Sleep.”

You didn’t listen to him, though— much to his dismay. You rose from the bed, smoothing down the t-shirt of his that you wore. Without looking at him, you brushed past him.

Before he knew what he was doing, he grasped your wrist in his hand.

His grip was tight and, aside from the hug he’d given you in the medbay after your surgery, it was the most physical contact you’d had in two weeks— or so you thought seeing as Jim would softly kiss your forehead once he was sure you’d fallen asleep.

“Jim, —”

“You,” he began unsteadily. “You could have died on me.”

“Jim, the arrow wasn’t—”

“It doesn’t matter where it was. You could have died on me,” he said in a louder voice, releasing your hand as you turned to face him. “It could have been much worse—”

“— because I didn’t listen and I’m so sorry. I’m really, truly sorry—”

He sighed heavily and took several steps back, his legs hitting the bed before he allowed himself to sit. He placed his head in his hands and took a deep breath. When he looked at you again, his red-rimmed eyes forced your heart into your throat.

“You could have died and the last thing I would have said to you is ‘be quiet.’ Not ‘I love you, please come back to me because it’ll take me too long to learn to be okay without you,’ and not ‘I’m so in love with you, you’re my world and I can’t imagine who I would be if I never met you.’” He shook his head. “I told you to be quiet.”

You tilted your head as you looked at him, kneeling before him seconds later. You placed your hands on his knees and ducked your head to offer him the smallest smile. “I don’t remember you saying that to me.”

He picked his head up and met your gaze. With the dilation of his pupils, he looked ready to consume whatever portion of you wasn’t already his.

“As cliché and lame as it sounds, the only thing I could remember you ever telling me was that you love me— that you’ve always loved me,” you said, cupping his cheek and running your thumb over his cheekbone. “I came back to you and I’m okay— I’ll give more weight to your judgement next time.”  

He laughed in disbelief. “Angel, if you think there’s going to be a next time, —”

“I love you— but that’s not for you to decide. You can suggest, you can advise, but you can’t single me out and keep me out of missions— you know that.” You smiled a little more then. “Just, like, come with me or send a security officer next time. Yeah?”

Nine

You sat beside Jim in a comfortable silence. You were catching up on patient charts while he caught up on his favorite Earth publications— he had a crease at the center of his forehead and a soft neutral frown over his lips while you had your bottom lip in your teeth’s vice grip and your eyebrows knit together.

You looked over at him for a moment, smiling at the visible concentration over his features.

He seemed to sense that and met your gaze. He returned your smile easily.

“I think this officially makes us an old married couple.”

You laughed through your nose. “We’d have to be married in order to be an old married couple.”

“We’re not married?” he asked, leaning closer to you.

You shook your head with a frown of consideration. You leaned in as well. “No, not that I can recall.”

“Engaged?”

“No, Jim, we’re not.”

“I haven’t asked you to marry me yet?”

“Nope.”

“Huh.” He leaned away again. “Expect that soon.”

[survivorazores]

Ep. 14-  “#NotTotallyAnEmotionalMess“ - Emily

https://survivorazores.tumblr.com/post/164275878478/individual-immunity-5

ugh I feel bad about that. he was such a good kid :(

I'm so pissed. Soooooo pissed. Go Mo for realizing he's going then calling me out and ruining my already ruined game. I guess I have to play my ass off in this comp huh! Not cute at all. If I lose, I go home. Unless I can turn the tables on Amanda Lynn. I'm not sitting around and doing her dirty work anymore! Also, pissed because three of my frickin video confessions have yet to upload. I'll work on that. But just know I'm not happy at the moment.

Six guesses total, will this be the challenge I FINALLY win?  Or will queen Emily win AGAAAAAIN?  Find out soon on Survivor Azores! I think six guesses isn't bad, I usually suck at this challenge but this time I like made a spreadsheet and stayed organized so i wouldn't make any simple mistakes.

I literally have an f2/f3 agreement with more than half the remaining cast at this point and that's either gonna go well for me or blow up in my face, because we're reaching a crossroads where I'm gonna have to turn on one alliance, whether it be taking out Ruthie next vote, flipping on Amanda/Abbey at some point, or voting out Ali whenever it comes to it so... There's a very real chance that I'll be seen as too much of a follower but I really hope that I can show my social game saved me and my allies multiple times throughout the game and that the people I turn on, whoever it ends up being, won't be too bitter with me. Also this interaction just took years of my lifespan Ali wtf [8/16/17, 11:28:34 PM] Ali  TAnveer: We should def stick together [8/16/17, 11:28:40 PM] Ali  TAnveer: Till the end [8/16/17, 11:30:05 PM] Will: yeah? im into it [8/16/17, 11:30:44 PM] Ali  TAnveer: Into what :o [8/16/17, 11:31:00 PM] Will: …sticking together [8/16/17, 11:31:34 PM] Ali  TAnveer: Sticking what together [8/16/17, 11:31:52 PM] Will: .

I'm not confident in my Mastermind score in the slightest. I have a feeling I'm going to lose this one. This was the one immunity I really knew I needed. I'm so worried that I'm going home this round and it's really frustrating. If things are looking grim, I'll try my hardest to get Amanda Lynn out, though I feel that it's only smart to go after her when I'm immune. I need to start doing some damage and destroying her reputation to get the numbers. I know Mo just called me out last tribal and it'll be hard for me to convince people that Amanda is going to win over me, but I'm going to try. I need her out. And I'm pretty sure this is my last round if I don't. Wish me luck.

1. http://youtu.be/mMp32kOZIWk 2. http://youtu.be/VhVyp9ah-84

Have you ever wanted to die so much? Someone has the fuckin idol and ... I just want to die. So much death. I yearn it. I truly thought... I truly thought we would find it. I love being optimistic and naive. I love being Boo Boo The Fool. I just love it. I just love how things are not working out for me. I just love how I know that, at this point, if I don't win competitions I'm 1.) getting voted out or 2.) getting idoled out. Final Tribal Council... I wish I could have the pleasure to get to know you... its_just_not_realistic.gif

So we've had an idol doc with a running list of all the spots we've searched. Somehow it managed to be in the last spot we searched and it was gone alsjdhskals. We looked high and low and all we got was disappointment. Today has been a mess but at least the fish I had for dinner was good.

https://survivorazores.tumblr.com/post/164304312123/immunity-results

Bwkwbwkwbwkwnwj what a turn of events. Neither myself or Amanda won/tied??? Interesting. I'm pulling for Abbey so hard. I'm just hoping the Gal Pals don't turn on me like I'm about to in final six... lol. Sticking with them this round because it's very risky. I came up with a plan to split the votes 3 Will 2 Ruthie just in case either of them have an idol. I'm just hoping Ruthie doesn't win immunity Y I K E S!!!

It is established that Francie also tied with Abbey and Ruthie

Me tying with Abbey and Francie?  TIME TO WIN, my fingers are crossed!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mgy3bmUTIhQ&app=desktop

https://survivorazores.tumblr.com/post/164309230348/tiebreak-results-2

FRANCIE DID THAT!!! SHE REALLY DID!!! If anyone else had to win, I'm glad it's her!!! And now our tie plan can work :-) I'm so happy??? As long as no one votes me out tonight.

I mean if everyone's smart they'll get Emily out right now, but some people tend to get a little nervous and start to make random cracked moves for no reason, but hey as long as I'm not the one with the target on my back I'm happy. I genuinely believe that Amanda Lynn and Abbey are with me until the end, but I also know that Ali and Ruthie are close enough to me and think they can trust me enough to tell me if things are going wrong and... that's when I can strike :) so if anyone wants to play any funny business games they can go for it. At this point I'm just playing to get to the end and while I have promised to several people that it would be with them, all I care about is myself getting there. That's the only way I have a shot at winning, that's how the game goes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyB77vbXmzk&feature=youtu.be

http://youtu.be/GrcH9IlRo-E

I'm.....holy shit I can't believe it. I really only got it in 5 and not 6 because I got the right colors in the first three guesses as opposed to the first four but still I'm in shock

Ok here's a better confessional. So I managed to win the mastermind tie breaker for individual immunity, and was only in the tie breaker bc I noticed Jay messed up reporting info which could've affected my score so I did it again and I got it in 6 that time. There is somewhat of a luck element in mastermind bc the first few rounds are just you figuring out what colors are in play and I managed to pick the right ones so that I got all 5 colors in 3 rounds and could guess the order in the next two as opposed to taking 4 rounds to determine the colors which was a big help. If it weren't for that there might've been another tie. Well, not might have, probably.

So the plan for tribal is a 2-3 split between Ruthie and Will, respectively. We're splitting the vote in case an idol is played so depending on how the idol is played it will either send someone home by 3 votes or force a tie and then we revote from there. I'm pretty sure Ali is loyal to us so the votes should work out. Hopefully an idol doesn't get played tonight but this time we have a better plan for if one does.  

http://youtu.be/q6t7hEaZuaI

I have been making so many video confessions recently because I truly don't know how to type out what I'm feeling but I think cracked Emily is coming out. She's going crazy. She needs help. I literally have been ranting to my parents about this game because I don't have anyone else I trust and I really want to die. I'm putting my faith in Ali right now and hoping he can guide me to the promise land: final six. The thing that's killing me about this game is that FTC is so close I can taste it and my anxiety is taking over like a parasite. I get nauseous before every tribal but this one especially. I don't want to go home!!! I want to stay!!! Hopefully the Gal Pals are going to stay loyal to me for one more round then I can cut off the head of our alliance and watch the island burn. I'm going absolutely bonkers and I don't know how to stop myself. I need to chill out I need to chill out I need to chill out!!!!

OKay so I know I made a really long confessional last night with Duncan and Host Ali and people are probably not going to watch it but I just have a lot of thoughts about this tribal, that is happening 90 minutes earlier than usual, by the way. There is no denying that if Emily makes it to the end of the game, it’s going to be really hard for anyone to beat her. She has been in on all of the strategizing and (so it seems to everyone else) she has spear-headed every elimination. It just makes sense. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t feel bad. I genuinely feel terrible about voting for her (I don’t say “vote her out” because I fully expect to be blindsided tonight). This is the first game I’ve played where I am turning on an ally. And it sucks. I genuinely like Emily. I’ve been close with her since literally the first few minutes of the game, and I haven’t lied to her at all in this game until right now. And it sucks. It also sucks because I feel like I could lose trust with Francie and that I’ll be in danger after this round anyway. These girls are sweet and kind and this completely sucks. I’m also trying to think about like, what to do after this. How do I get to the end against people I can win against. I know I’m not gonna vote Abbey out. It’s just not happening. And I know that I could lose the game because of it. People are probably going to say that our friendship is the reason that we made it this far. Well if they do, I’m gonna counter it with…. Ashley and Ruthie are friends… yet they aren’t here together. Emily and Francie became friends in this game, and (if tonight goes as planned) they aren’t here together. I just have a bad feeling that people are gonna say the game was rigged (as if Jay would ever). I’m working really hard this game, and to think that people could say that I only made it as far as I did because of a rig or a premade or bc I’m a series admin is gonna suck. Don’t discredit my success bc you couldn’t figure out that we were close before this point, even though there have been multiple challenges surrounding the wiki, where it says that we are admins, with our skype names, and access to season blogs, on which you can find numerous posts containing Google Hangouts that Abbey and I both appear on as hosts.. Like… ugh…. http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-UyIGOY7DZOE/VdZKz9vWL-I/AAAAAAAAHuk/c3BZlQN58cU/mean-girls-I-just-have-a-lot-of-feel%25255B1%25255D.gif?imgmax=800

I am so emo I think I'm GOING HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!! But I told Ali that I don't trust Amanda Lynn and he agrees with me. I think he will be the one that I need to help get Amanda Lynn out. I have his vote should we get her out this tribal. Now I just need to get Francie's and Ruthie's, which I think I will be able to do? Call me optimistic. But should I go this round, Amanda Lynn gets my vote no matter what. If she is at FTC, I vote for her. The only way someone else can get me vote is if they orchestrate her tribal. If I can't do it, I'll vote for the person that can. I am just praying my life is spared this tribal. I am PRAYING!!! Please Survivor Gods, I've been a good egg, let me do this for you. Let me survive another round. Let me win another immunity. Please!!! I'll stay optimistic until my torch is snuffed. :-/

So basically im never going to win! No matter who I go to the end with I'm going to lose. Amanda will always beat me and I dont want to go with anyone else but her. Im scared that shes going home this round but theres really truly nothing I can do about it. Emily will always win if she makes it and Will is also a threat. The only way I have a chance is if its with Francie and Ali. Deep sigh.

Tonight will be the one that REALLY determines if my f3 is together or not, because if anything happens besides five (or four if Ali ends up flipping) of us voting Emily, it's gonna be messy.  Everyone knows they can't win against Emily though, like she's playing an amazing game and even she knows she's the one to beat. An ideal final five still has Francie in it, if Abbey/Amanda/Francie end up voting Ruthie I can somehow avoid the blame and keep Ruthie's jury vote, and then Ali will know I can't do anything to save him. There's so many ways this can work out I just need to figure out the best one that will win me the game.

So tribal is moments away and I can't be there for live tribal bc of a family thing but I'm really nervous. If I get voted out tonight, well, it's been fun. I'm glad I played. And tbh if Emily gets to the end... she will probably have my vote. Hopefully it's the other way around but if not, it's been good.

https://survivorazores.tumblr.com/post/164348224108/tribal-14-emily-voted-out-5-2-will-received-2

LAST WORDS:  This has been an absolutely wonderful game and I am so thankful for the people I have met throughout this process. No matter what happened, I knew this would be a super fun experience. I would like to especially thank Toph, Rafael, Bryce, Amanda G for being such wonderful friends - no matter how messy our NFPs alliance was. (Amanda G especially!!!) Thank you to Jay and Ali for being great hosts for a lost girl's first game. I also wanna thank anyone who put their faith in me and drafted me - sorry I let you down :-/

I have some regrets in this game, but it's all good. I had so much fun and I can't wait to play more games in the future!!! I'm still rooting for my Gal Pals - I love them no matter what. I want to see the three of them at final tribal council. :-) I wish the best of luck to everyone still in the game!!! Also, I'm proud of myself for not crying over my tribal like I thought I would. #NotTotallyAnEmotionalMess? It's been lit.

Emily becomes the sixth member of the jury, and the seventh placer of Survivor Azores

[nanostuffs]

Quotes 3/12/17 - 3/18/17

Be warned: Only the first quote is undertale fanficiton, and there’s a lot of alien shit in this one.

3/12/17 - True Courage Is Knowing... When To Spare A Life (Undertale Fanfiction)

Frisks favorite book in the whole world (and believe them, there were a lot of books) was The Hobbit. And sure, it was a very violent book, with a surprising amount of death for something considered a children’s novel, but there were some better points to it. Frisk loved that Bilbo learnt new things about himself, and yet at the end of the day was still the slightly fussy, and well put together hobbit he started as. Frisk liked that Bilbo didn’t know how to fight at the start of the journey, and used his wits to keep himself safe. Frisk saw a lot of themselves in Bilbo.

Gandalf said to Bilbo, true courage is about knowing not when to take a life, but when to spare one. Frisk took that to heart, even when they ended up all the way down in the pit of monsters known as The Underground.

3/13/17 - It is Possible to Commit no Mistakes and Still Lose. That is Life.

I’mork watched the dark haired human curse and pull on the yarn she was working with, before reinserting her hook and fiddling with the yarn once again.

“Is it possible to not make a mistake?” the blue blob asked.

“Mistakes are a human thing,” Jane half shrugged, focusing on looping yarn around hook and pulling it though stitches to make more stitches.

“I meant more would it be possible to make a machine that does the same thing you do, and not have to worry about there being errors?” the blob slid in front of the couch where Jane was crocheting, leaving it’s slime trail behind it.

“Perhaps,” Jane replied, “But you realize it’s possible to end up with a bad product even if the designer made absolutely no mistakes, right? That’s just how life is sometimes.”

“Are you trying to be philosophical?” I’mork asked, “I don’t appreciate your attempts to dodge the question.”

“Well, I actually wasn’t,” the brunette shook her head, “But I guess that did sound kind of deeper than I meant it to. To answer your question, probably, but one would still need to know the basics of crochet in order to use it and have a nice result.”

3/14/17 - I’m a Doctor, not A…

“Khrelen, something’s wrong with the human!” I’mork shouted at the giant doctor.

“What’s the matter? Is she bleeding?” Krelen was quick to put their book down and stand.

“She’s crying, but shows no physical reason for it,” I’mork stayed close to the door, knowing better than to trail slime into the medical ward.

“Did she complain about being in pain?” Khrelen reached into a cabnet filled with vials of liquids.

“She said it’s not a physical pain like cramps,” I’mork said, “She said it’s psychological.”

“Well I don’t think there’s anything I can do then,” Khrelen shrugged and returned to her book.

“But you’re a doctor! You have to help!” I’mork cried.

“I’m a doctor, not a psychologist,” Khrelen glared at I’mork, “Now stop wasting my time and make sure the human doesn’t act out.”

“Her name’s Jane,” I’mork’s tentacles began to flail, “She’s 25  human years old. She likes  to read, write, crochet, and watch movies. She plays human video games and has a soft spot for Boxe because he is reminiscent of a furry mammal.”

“So?” Khrelen asked, “These are all facts about her. Another fact is that she is in emotional pain, and I do not know how to treat that. Now go cheer her up or something.”

“Fine!” I’mork left an extra large puddle of slime behind them.

3/15/17 - We Successfully Rescued You. You are Refusing to be Rescued. I Wanna Make That Clear.

“Hey, wait,” Jane dragged her feet as one of the three men dragged her towards the air lock.

“No time for waiting sweetheart,” the guy dragging her said, “If we don’t move quickly your captors are gonna wake up and we really don’t want that.”

“And I don’t think I want to go anywhere with you,” Jane attempted to free her arm from the man’s gasp by punching his hand, be he refused to release her. Thankfully her being dragged along was ended by the leader of the group stopping.

“Let me get this straight, you don’t want to leave?” He asked.

“They might have ‘captured’ me, but I feel safe here,” Jane growled, “Thank you for trying to rescue me, but it’s not needed.”

“We successfully rescued you! You are refusing to be rescued. I wanna make that clear.” The leader glared back at her.

“Well then we’re all clear,” Jane shrugged, “Tell whoever you report to that Jane Crow is happier in the company of aliens than humans.”

Her am was immediately released, and she was pushed away from the group of three. She watched as they escaped the ship through the air lock. She knew she’d have to get back to the room her aliens had kept her locked in, but for now she could watch her last thought of returning to humanity drift away from the ship.

3/16/17 - Maybe you've heard of it: Foodfight! is the worst movie ever made! (The Flop House, Episode 138)

Jane found that she had a soft spot for listening to podcasts while crocheting. It was soothing to listen to two guys make fun of a bad movie while she did her own thing. It reminded her of home, and while it did make her feel more homesick, it also made the pain of not being able to go home dissipate.

3/17/18 - “... They Lost My Luggage, It’s the One Thing I Lost on This Trip!”

“You’ve been doing pretty well,” Thalia watched as her much shorter friend slice a sword through a dummy.

“I should hope so,” Canica stabbed the dummy again, “I placed first in every event here. I placed first in that sprinting session, first in the eating contest, first in the singing contest, and first in the spell casting contest.”

“Is there anything you haven’t won?” Camila asked her teammate.

“The carriage with my luggage got lost on the way up here. They lost my luggage; it’s the one thing I lost on this trip.”

3/18/17 - “Does Anyone Know A Good Plumber?” (Inspired by the Creepy Pasta)

Does anyone know a good plumber? Inspection’s tomorrow and I, like,  have a leaky tub from a fucked up ritual, and like, several dead things scattered around the house, and I think the washer machine is, like, trying to eat me.

It all started a few days ago. I was chatting to this super hot guy on tinder (at least I think it was a guy) and he, like,  asked me if I could like, do a ritual to summon a demon/ghost/demi-god thing. And I was all like, sure I can bby. And then he was like, try to summon a water spirit thing for me and then I’ll come over to your house, exorcise it for you, and then we can fuck. That was, like, his actual message.

I decided that, like,  it sounded like a fantastic idea, so long as he also brought drugs. Cause, ya know, if I’m gonna, like,  do a shitty ritual for sex, there better also be drugs. Also my dealer’s in a holding cell for buying a whore. Like, I know sex is fun and all, but like, how the hell did you not get caught for drugs?

Anyway, he agreed to bring drugs, but like, it’d have to wait a couple of days for him to get the drugs. We decided that like, we should do this on a wednesday, cuase apparently  that’s when drugs from his “hommie” are like, super cheap or something. So I set my alarm to go off at like, midnight on Wednesday so that, like, I could get the ritual done before having to go to work and some fun that night.

My alarm didn’t go off until 1 in the morning because I’m an idiot. So like, I had to do everything super quickly. I didn’t bother getting dressed, and just went into my bathroom, to like, do the ritual. So I went into bathroom, and lit, like five candles and arranged them in a pentagon. I then used some string to like, outline the pentagon and make some, like, super special runes to keep me from summoning something that would, like, actually kill me. I was supposed to do a, like, hour long chant at half-past midnight, but since I was late anyway, I just did a quick little, please come forth deadly water thingie so that I can like, get a good dicking.

It sort of worked? A pipe burst through my bathroom wall. I like, realized at that moment that inspections is supposed to be on Sunday. Fuck. So I packed everything up and got dressed, since I was up anyway, I may as well have like, started early. I found out that all of my business clothes were, like, dirty and shit. So I picked everything up and walked my bra and underwear clad ass to the laundry room to do laundry.

There was this, like, super creepy dude in there though. He was, white, lacked a face, and was super twiggy. He was also in a, like, tux or some shit. He just calmly waved a hand at me. I guess that slut in 4b has a goddamn gentleman as a booty call now. Anyway, I waved back and tried to flirt with the guy. He like, beat a hasty retreat from the room. Actually, now that I think about it, he like, didn’t have a face. Fuckin’ weirdo.

So, like, I started to put my laundry into the washing machine, but like, I thought I heard screaming from inisde the machine. I took a look, but there was nothing in there. So I just put in my load and set the machine to delicate so it wouldn’t rip any of my nice shirts. When I turned around, the pipes seemed to slither across the floor and were starting to take up the room. I booked it for the door and didn’t pass go.

Long story short, I’m locked up in my apartment with a pipe hanging out of the wall and leaking water into the tub. Also there’s some dead things around the apartment, mostly rodents because mouse traps. Does anyone know a good plumber in Maricopa County who won’t ask any questions?

[survivorwakea]

Episode 4: “WHO MADE THE FUCKING ALLIANCE?” -Chloe

We just won another challenge here on Huamea which is lit. I think we are going to swap soon, but if not and we go to tribal with this tribe I think I’ll be fine. I’m still set up with randy Elmo and Ian well, and I think we could successfully target Joey if needed

Well another sit out for me but I’d say it was a good decision. We got 1st place and I don’t think I would have been the most helpful in this one. Really appreciate my tribe mates for coming through tho. Now I’m just wondering if there is going to be a swap. If there isn’t then we have to sit out three people on the tribe. Aka sitting out pretty much everyone who did the last one. As per usual, I’m very busy this week. Hoping I can find enough time to help in the challenge so that we can win or at least not come in last. I still have no alliances...but I think that’s okay for now. I think I’m in a good place with Jared and Elmo. We had each other’s backs if we went to tribal after the music video but we didn’t have to go. Joey also told me before results that he wouldn’t vote for me if we lost. Hoping that these promises or positive thoughts will continue farther into the game. At least until we get to jury. I also want to publicly own up to the fact that I still don’t know how the idol system works and I just don’t have the energy for it. So I’m just gonna pretend it doesn’t exist. Yep. That’ll do.

I was going to do a video confessional, but I high key got lazy and dont have too much to say

we won again which is great. I truly do feel like I kinda carried the team in a challenge I wasn't that great at, but it was really an all around effort and I'm glad we stayed.

I really do think I am in everybody's top 1-2 on this tribe except for the potential of Zack as well, but I like him a lot so I wouldn't want to see him go.

Nothing makes me want to win like when I have a tribe full of people I genuinely like. If I can help it, i really want to get to the merge without having lost another challenge due to my lost vote that I still haven't had to use yet, so I need those to be as spread a part as possible, and I don't want people to suspect me

those are kinda my only thoughts for now. hoping we don't swap until 14 and we get another round in these tribes, then a swap at 14 and merge at 12 (since my legacy advantage basically tells us we're merging at 12)

justin said he feels like a double might be happening sometime soon, but I'm not so sure about that just because of cullan getting expelled, and I feel the hosts would now elongate it a bit, but we'll see

im chillin for now

anna is ab to check confessionals and i can’t remember if i made one so this is my confessional.... johnny is rly nice to me and it scares me bc what if he is PLAYING ME.... and zack is also rly nice to me and that scares me TOO.... justin don’t fuckin talk to me and bodhi and asya barely do..... u know what 15th looks kinda cute rn bc i think that’s my destiny..... we floppin 🤪

Well, it’s still pretty quiet over at the Haumea camp. My tribemates kicked ass at the immunity challenge (sometimes, it pays to submit early), and I’m still getting along with everyone very well. I have suspicions that we could be switched up again next round, but hey, what do I know?

not much game development, im still attempting to keep my connections afloat in my tribe, i think ive now talked game with everyone and generally im in a rly good position, i dont wanna get too cocky bc that could lead to my downfall. I think that after this round we could potentially swap again to 2 tribes of 8. That would be kinda wild and I'm here for it

sry for a short one

I don't know if I should be sad, disappointed, angry, or all of the above. Losing this challenge was rough, and it's pretty evident the majority of the effort came from Adam, next would be myself. Clohie and Tom put little to no effort in the challenge. As stated before Tom's approach to the game has been pretty lackadaisical. He has hardly put any effort into not only the challenges but just his day to day interactions with the castaways. When I wanted to form the alliance with him and Clohie, he didn't relay the information to Clohie. And when Clohie indirectly asked him he didn't even acknowledge the possible alliance then either. I guess what I'm saying is...I want Tom out! Since this swap I have had my best relationship in Clohie, I like Adam, but I can tell he's a smart guy...so I'll keep him at a distance for now. I really do want to try and get Tom out though as a test of Clohie's loyalty to see if she would vote out one of her own. I think I have put myself in the situation where everyone feels comfortable with me moving forward, so I don't foresee my name being written down but I could be wrong, it is Survivor after all. I'm assuming we're coming to another swap, I just hope I'll have allies going into it, and if not allies, challenge beasts please. 3 out of 4 tribals isn't a good look😬 And can we talk about the idol system, all I have to say is: I HATE ALL OF YOU (to whoever helped put it together) G'Day.

Haha idk what the fuck is happening right now. So Tom can go and talk about our alliance with Taylor, with Adam. But still hasn’t mentioned it to me? Ok 🙃 I could easily vote Tom out here but idk I feel like he’s loyal? Maybe?? But then again I know him more than Adam and Taylor and that’s maybe why I wanna keep him even if I know he’s probably trying to fuck me over rn

hiii! this round went so quick?? idk it just zoomed by in my opinion haha. listen.. we won immunity and i’m grateful. another week safe with my idol so i’m just getting closer and closer to merge. i’m hoping for a swap soon and i’m expecting it. i would love if me elmo and justin got on a tribe together that way we can start to actualllllly work together and show eachother our trust that way once merge comes we can just kill it! not much happened this round but i’m just feeling grateful and wanted to let you all know! y’all are great host and i’m having so much fun. Xoxo

Heading into this next challenge, I feel great. I have a tight bond with Jared, Lily and I just so happen to be in the same friend group chat, and have been talking alot, Elmo is awesome, but the two that worry me are Ian and Ben. Ben and I haven’t talked much, and once again, Ian is preventing me from trying to build a bond by just building a ridiculous wall up. Maybe he isnt cut out for these games tbh.

Well it's either Adam or Taylor. Chloe wants Taylor to stay. I don't really care who stays xD I'm probably gonna random.org this vote, I do not know to if I want Adam or Taylor here. Plus that random ass alliance chat doesn't help

tribe assessment:

jared - out of everyone i get probably the most loyal vibes from him, idk what it is. he's rly genuine whenever i talk to him. i think the fact that we played a game like over 3 years ago means a lot to him. i wouldnt be v shook if he somehow schemed against me at some point at early-mid merge or something. right now i think he wants to work with me for the long term

ben - ive been talking to him a lot from the beginning. i think that he's with me for now, i for sure think that he's going to make a move on me later on though, im not sure when but for now i trust him and i think i can work with him. I think if numbers r close at the merge he'd want to side w me. I'm not sure how well connected he is. I like talking to him but he works a lot (what a king tbh) so that probs hinders his ability talk a lot

lily - she is not the most active, which is sad because she is a kickass player. If she gets too far in this game, that could potentially be a problem, if we are not working closely together that is. She's EXTREMELY loyal and i think that if i keep talkin to her, she'd want to work with me for the long term. Potentially I think that she should be in my end game but obvs its way too early to say that

ian - he is one of the more quieter ppl but the more u talk to him, the more u get out of him and I'm starting to notice that. I think that we have a pretty solid connection over all and I rly like talking to him! he is p different than I am so that gives me good perspective. game wise, i havent had a lot of discussions with him yet but im working on it a lot bc i think he could be someone i have potential with

joey - hes nice. he doesnt talk a lot which is kinda weird. he said that he has my back but im not sure if he said that out of keeping himself away from my radar or if he actually meant it. I am not really sure? I wouldn't be very surprised if Jared hinted to him that I could potentially be lookin to vote him out. I think that there is POTENTIAL of me working with him but i think if i had to choose someone who i'd want to vote out, it would probably be him.

i could be totally oblivious about my situation but i genuinely think that im in a v strong position in this tribe. I believe i have potential (i think) to work with everyone on our tribe which i really like.  This is all based on intuition though so i could be TOTALLY Wrong. The fact that we never lost just means that I have no solid proof or claims. Only my own perceptions. Idw be cocky in this game, it has been my downfall before. I want to be in a mindset that people are against me.I thrive when I'm under pressure. I kinda wished that we went to at least one tribal just to see how everyone here was game wise. Oh well!!

if i was going to be the boot on our tribe i look like a total clown rn.

Besides the fact that I’m leaving tonight, yeah not much is going on! I’m so disappointed that this is how my game is coming to an end. I’m at a loss of words so I’m sorry if you want more I just don’t have it in me

i’m.... goin thru a lot of emotions. for no reason. idk

at the last tribal council the person who i was least happy to be cast with was voted out so that was one less thing to worry about. then we won immunity. which is nice. but also i get lazy premerge when we keep winning immunity. it doesn’t help that my social battery is currently at %10 and i have a broken charger. but. oh well.

i have to play in the next immunity and idk. if there’s only 3 of us competing and two of them are me and justin then maybe we really Will be going to tribal next round who knows.

also i’m really bad at idol hunting. i didn’t give enough birth. the lizard goddess has no interest in making an appointment w me. i killed myself one time and got nothing for my troubles. i feel like something’s definitely been found by now, aside from johnny’s legacy advantage. idk it’s feelin a little bleak bc i figured my best shot at finding an idol would be premerge and i know we still have a ways to go probably but if the idols are found then that’s it on that.

This is literally going to be the most gut wrenching vote. Clohie and Tom will not budge, or even fathom the idea of voting out the other. I'm under the impression they want Adam out, but I'm also afraid of the possibility of a vote against me....so I have to contemplate if it's smarter to tie the vote 2-2 first and then vote out Adam, or to just trust that they are in fact voting Adam. Something else I'm praying on if I survive this round, is for a swap. Because without one, I'll be on the bottom of the 3 with Clohie and Tom obvi sticking together since their original Kanaloa. And our challenge record is not the best. Adam is probably our strongest challenge performer so that's another reason I'd hate to see him go. Tom and Clohie are just so mysterious and vague, and Adam has been nothing but upfront with me. Ugh, just the thought of a tie vote or drawing rocks makes me so sick...I honestly don't know what I'm going to do.

This has been the most stressful vote I have had to deal with, EVER. Taylor is a snake but Chloe wants to keep him and I get better vibes from Adam. I am considering doing a 2-2 if Chloe votes Adam and if it goes to rocks, so be it.

https://soundcloud.com/bodhi-small/week4/s-94KbM

________________________________________________________________

Taylor is voted out 3-1.

[survivorarabia]

EPISODE 9 “"Welcome to Survivor: Arabia Where Everyone's Super Paranoid" - Ruthie

Ruthie

I take back every negative thing I've said about Emmott, Aren and Issy I AM LIVING!  OH MY GOD, BYE JAY!  I AM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW I AM ABOUT TO PEE MY PANTS, MY FOUR ARE SAFE AND I'VE NEVER FELT SO GOOD AND NICOLE WILL BE BACK SOON AND THIS IS THE FUCKING LIFE RIGHT HERE! <3 

Ci’ere

“Lord. Jesus. Hallelujah. So, Jay and I were blindsided last tribal council and for a second there I thought I was actually being voted out. It ended up tying between us and everyone was telling me that I wasn’t the target. Aren, Emmott and Issy decided to flip because Jay was too much of a threat to them apparently. No one informed me about this plan and I even told Aren earlier that I would have done it, but it was too soon to make that move. All it did was give the other side power and puts us 4 in the minority, that is unless they already made deals with old Khiana. I may be at the bottom but I still have a lot of fight left in me and I’m going to do everything in my power to make it through this round. I told them all that I’m playing as a free agent now because obviously no one has my back.”

Richie

IM NEVER LISTENING TO MY SUPEREGO AGAIN!!!!! the plan was that issy/emmott/aren were voting for jay and then alex/lena/ruthie wanted to vote for ciere just in case one of them were lying and the inner me was like GO ROGUE VOTE FOR JAY BE A MESSY BITCH TAKE THIS SHOT AT JAY!!!!!!!! but then i was like hm.... maybe i should be a good alliance member bc even if my gut is right i dont want my alliance to realize how crazy i am because they might want to take me out for being unreliable (which would be smart bc im fucking CRACKED but i dont want them to know how cracked just yet) so i was like fiiiiiine i'll vote ciere BUT THEN JAY GETS RID OF ALEX'S VOTE AND ITS A 3-3 TIE AND IF I HAD JUST VOTED FOR JAY LIKE MY INNER BITCH WANTED TO I WOULDNT HAVE TO BACKTRACK AND EXPLAIN TO ISSY/EMMOTT/AREN WHY I DIDNT VOTE FOR JAY LIKE I SAID I WOULD AND JAY WOULD BE GONE WITHOUT THE REVOTE UGHHHHHHH.......... literally when will the world realize that im always right and stop making me doubt my true powers???? 

Jay

I'm fucked.

Ci’ere

“Oh and if you’re reading this Lena, I’m sorry about what I said for your vote asdfghjkl; I honestly don’t think you’re of use to my game though and that is the reason why I was okay with voting you out. Plus, I’m kind of jelly you got Kelley Wentworth as your icon. :<”

Alex

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING

JAY'S VOTE NULLIFER IS GONNA TAKE HIM OUT OF THE GAME

AHAHAHAHAH THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY ENTIRE LIFE

I CAN'T STOP BREAKING INTO SONG, I'M FILLED WITH SUCH GLEE

That plan worked....perfectly.  And yes, Richie gets to “I told you so!” me forever, but, like, fine.  I'll take that!  Because Jay's gonna be the second juror, and for the first time in this game, I feel comfortable in my position oh gods I'm going out next aren't I

Julia

DONT YOU DARE TOUCH MY JAY YOU FUCKERS HE IS MENT TO AVENGE ME!! AND CIERE TOO1?!?! MAN MAN OH MAN   SLAY THE BEAST SLAY THE BEAST!!!!

Ci’ere

“I feel absolutely alone, as if it’s truly Ci’ere against the world right now. I have tried talking to everyone, but they’re not giving me anything to work with and I feel like I’m still the target. I flopped very hard in the challenge and I’m basically just a sitting duck at this point. I’m not really sure what to say anymore because whenever I try speaking they subtly shut me down. Why wouldn’t you use me, someone with no allies, to make a big move? Alex lost the challenge so why isn’t he being targeted? I’m going to try to get them to make a move. They’re all having a holly jolly time and I’m a snake ready to slither my way through the cracks. I’m not going to give up.”

Alex

Aren

MWAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA! PISS OFF JAY!!! AND THE BEAUTY OF THAT TRIBAL? I WAS THE PERSON THAT ORCHESTRATED THAT WHOLE BOOT! IT WAS ALL ME! THE REASON JAY'S ASS IS SITTING IN PONDY AND MY BOOTY IS STILL IN THIS GAME IS BECAUSE I'M A SMART-BOOTY AND HE'S A DUMB-ASS. LOL K, so, the world's my oyster now -- I'm in the majority, we're gonna send Ci'ere ass home next, then I'm gonna try to make a move on big boi Alex from there. I'm really enjoying this game that I'm playing. I'm going completely CHAOTIC, and I'm lovin' it. I'm just doing whatever the fuck I want, no matter how self-destructive my moves might appear. I'm not here to play the best game (although I am doing that too), I'm just here to reek havoc on these sons-of-bitches that I'm playing with and to shake this bitch of a game up to a whole new level, like a milkshake! Now it's time to dominate immunity and get this done with. 

Ruthie

So, today was an interesting day.  It started the same way most days do out here on the Island, and okay, just let me get to everything.  Alex and I talk everyday, we get each other and I trust him as much as I can trust anyone and I really think he trusts me that way too.  In Survivor World we're pretty much married, his thoughts are my thoughts and visa versa.  This morning I didn't start out with a "Hey, Good morning!" Or anything even remotely polite, instead I started out with... "This is going to sound super bitchy and may not be the best move with Richie/Lena but I definitely want to take you if I win [the step immunity challenge] and my second will be Nicole since she used an idol on me. I have no idea how many we get to take though.  Is that completely dumb?"   Then Alex stated in reply.  "I was actually gonna suggest exactly the opposite, I would rather you NOT take me and vice versa. If I get the clue I'll tell you & vice versa so I'd rather we try & win points with the people we trust a bit less, personally. Nicole is a fine choice though, I agree with that." That sparked a little something in my brain.  I really want to get to the end with Nicole and Alex but I'm not sure how much they actually trust one another, so then my brain had an excellent thought and of course, I told Alex.  "THAT IS PERFECT! I may try to take Nicole/Lena and tell them one on one I want an all girls alliance or something." I could tell that he thought this was a good idea.  It distanced us and would keep us both safe for weeks to come.  His exact reply was, "Fuckin' do it girl."  He also had some eggs to cook today in the form of Richie and whoever else, I honestly have no idea who he's going to talk to or form something with but I know he has me and I got him!   As the day went on I went about my business but then decided, hey, maybe I should go ahead and try to get something cooking BEFORE we get the results in the event that I win, then I can take Nicole and Lena if I get to take 2 or more people with me on reward.  So I decided to send a message to Lena, probably the sweetest person on the entire tribe.  "Leeeeena, I kind of have an idea and please tell me if it's dumb or whatever, I've been thinking about it and I want your opinion on it." Lena replied a few moments later saying, "Hey! What's going on?" Then I launched into my story about wanting to start a side alliance with her and Nicole and maybe Issy and I admit, I felt nervous that she was going to go back to Richie and Alex and tell them something but THANKFULLY she did not.  She was totally down because she thought that Nicole seemed super loyal.  I asked if she wanted to include Issy and she wasn't sure, so I agreed that it probably wasn't our best move right now and that I trusted the two of them way more than I did Issy... which I do.   Then I went to Nicole and she was so up for it so fast and agreed although I think she was in the middle of her Immunity Challenge, so whew, I feel so accomplished today.  Anyway, I told Alex about my new alliance and I think that this is a GREAT move for the two of us as we try to dwindle down everyone else. <3 He also told Aren that he doesn't want to go to the end with me, so we'll see when or if Aren tells me anything... dun dun dunnnnnn.  I once again LOVE where I'm sitting! 

Ci’ere

“I literally ask the OG Fawz alliance if we can stick together for this vote because there have been glimmers of hope throughout the day and maybe we can pull something off. Apparently Richie was on the verge of wanting to flip, Alex and Ruthie want each other out, and Emmott mentions Nicole doesn’t hate me lol. Issy was the only person to actually talk to me today and she disagreed with the Jay move that Aren and Emmott pulled. She kept it real with me and said that it seemed like no one wanted to make a move and I definitely respect her for telling me this. Ruthie and Nicole tell me they’re gonna vote for Issy and while I don’t think they’re telling the truth, I don’t have very many options so I’m just gonna go with that.”

Lena

so.... i got the idol..... I'm shaking. I cannot believe this. I haven't told anyone yet and I'm REALLY nervous to. I want to tell my alliance of Ruthie, Richie, and Alex but.. I'm really nervous to do that. That's like half of the people who are still in the game. I'm not going against them any time soon but.. I just don't know right now. I'm really glad I found it though. and obviously I'm really glad I got immunity and reward this time too

Aren

Y'know what I'm really, really bloody enjoying? The view. The picturesque, almost artistic viewpoint from the top of my palace as I watch all of my pathetic tribemates battle it out like peasants after the aftermath of my big move on Jay last vote... It's quite wonderful, really. It just proves how much these people are maggots whilst I'm sitting here like total royalty.

This vote can really go one of two ways. It can either go the easy, obvious way -- and Ci'ere can be sent home. Or, we can take a more unconventional route to this tribal-council and make an effort to blindside Alex instead. It's ultimately looking like Ci'ere, but... Mmm, I truly am craving that Alex blindside like he's a big, fat, tasty, tender slice of thick medium-rare steak. (I'm hungry right now, alright?)

Ruthie

I may deeply regret these when the episodes come out... bahahah.  Especially filming these with no make up and my hair looking like I'm really living on an Island.  Things are seeming quiet on and off for Arabia, I kind of wonder what's going on with everyone.  I know we have some people sleeping but still, I don't like when I don't know what is happening!  

Shouldn't Emmott know by now that Alex and I are solid and we tell one another everything? Maybe it's a good thing that he doesn't know and that we are trying to distance ourselves a bit, who knows. Anyway, Emmott showed me a screenshot of Alex agreeing with him that I was good at this game and just, how is that going to make me want Alex out?  Alex warned me what he was telling Emmott before hand, and it doesn't surprise me that Emmott is weaseling around, playing every side.  I've told him before I think he plays a good game that way and I really do, but everyone is cautious of him.  

I just don't get good vibes from Aren, I don't at ALL.  I think he's a little sneak that is going to win this entire game if he gets far enough.  I do like him as a person but I just don't trust him at all but if Alex thinks they are solid then...  whatever.  I think our best bet is going to be pulling Ci'ere in and maybe putting up Emmott/Issy tonight but literally no one has been on and who even KNOWS what's going to happen tonight. I just hope that Alex, Nicole and I are safe so I can somehow manage to make it to final 3 if the other two don't try to take one another out of the game first! 

Aren

OHMYGOD AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THIS VOTE IS SO CHAOTIC AAA PLEASE HELP ME I'M ABOUT TO F A I N T SO LIKE ALEX's NAME CAME UP THEN RUTHIE'S THEN CI'ERE THEN ALEX WAS LIKE YO WE SHOULD SPLIT THE VOTES ON CI'ERE & ISSY THEN ISSY STARTED FREAKING OUT AND SLAPPING ON MY ASS FOR TAKING JAYO UT AND NOW IM CRYING A LOT WAHHH WAHH WAH 

Ruthie

LENA AND NICOLE WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU GUYS SO YOU CAN AGREE TO VOTE ISSY WITH ME? If they don't show up for some reason we will probably all vote for Emmott real quick instead because who would play an idol on him?  LOL.  Watch someone play the idol on him now and me be voted out, but yeah.  I'm nervous tonight, not for myself so much, but for Alex. I'm going to work on my speech again. <3 

Alex

WHEW, so much has happened since we last spoke, where to begin Lena won Immunity, so that's great.  She took Nicole and Ruthie, just as planned, and we got the Idol clue – no Idol, anywhere.  We tried, nothing.  Ugh.  So we have to assume Issy or Ci'ere has it. So then, the vote discussion has to happen.  Initially Aren is the only one to throw a name out, saying we should take out Ci'ere.  I suspect this is because he has something going with Issy & Emmott, but whatever, I'll humor him, we'll see what people are doing. THEN I get word that Emmott, spastic little shit, is throwing MY name around, so we're gonna need to fix that.  But.......nobody's biting.  Weirdly so.  Odd, but okay.  If I can't get him out this time, at least I know where he stands. Plus, we engage in my favorite game of “bait people into giving up incriminating information,” using my usual mouthpiece, Ruthie.  She plays along with Emmott, then goes to Aren and has a realtalk about if it's the right move for now.  Luckily, Aren agrees it's not the right move THIS round without her even having to prompt him, so that's good.  Of course, he's also not told me Ruthie “is after me,” so, hmm.  But still, I trust him for this vote. Eventually we decide to split the votes 4-3, guys on Ci'ere, girls on Issy, so if she plays the Idol on Ci'ere, Issy goes home and we lol at two reward items taking out two players consecutively. But this is really the round where seeds of doubt are starting to take hold.  Lena is agreed that Richie can't be trusted; Richie is starting to show signs of wavering against Ruthie, which is exactly what I want!  I don't want this Family to be the final 4, but I also don't want to be the first one to make the move.  So this is perfect for me.  I'm taking out people I'm not close to, I'm starting to fracture the alliance without overtly being the one to do it, it's flawless. And, on top of that, Lena has the Idol after all!  That's fantastic, so we're maneuvering the vote to land on Ci'ere anyway.  Unless there's two Idols, we should be in the clear tonight, and then the sailing gets way smoother for Alex. Anyway I'm about to get voted out cause I just said all that, EL OH ELL!

Lena

I decided to tell Ruthie and Alex about the idol. I decided to not include Richie in on the news so far because he seems to be slipping away from us.. The old farts (myself, Ruthie, and Alex) are even tighter than before. But I also have this alliance going with Ruthie and Nicole and I'm really liking it with them too. So I have options. Alex is very threatening and could prevent me from winning though.. So we have to see

Ci’ere

“Right before tribal council, Alex of all people tells me that Aren had told him I was an immunity threat and I probably had an idol. He also says that if I actually have an idol that I should play it, WELL I DON’T HAVE ONE. Aren had brought up my past gameplay from an entirely different org and brought it to this one which is seriously upsetting when I’m trying to start fresh here. I confront Aren and he unsurprisingly ignores me. This kid is faker than my tits. I have been nothing but loyal to him this entire game and we’ve worked together on three tribes and then he decides to destroy the games of everyone he’s working with… I have no words.”

Richie

i feel so weird??? i feel like im playing such a different game than i expected myself to play???? my only real survivor org experience was kauai where i won the first 3 immunities in a row post merge and i always was in the know and plotting and being messy and playing hard and the target that i felt on me made me play even harder and messier and try and play proactive and be in control at all times........ but this time its not like that????? i'm not any more safe... i merged with minority numbers on my side so its not like im complacent and safe in a majority??? its just like i dont care??? okay its not that i dont care because i care a lot... but its just like i dont CARE about whats going on as long as i know i'm safe... its a lot more reactionary game and trying to play UTR, just forming social relationships with everyone in this game regardless of side (but not TOO strong bc i dont want people to feel like super betrayed when i vote them out or see me as this fake bitch (which i am lbr))  idk i just feel like i should be doing more for a resume at the end and bc i find joy out of PLAYING this game but for now the less i get involved the less mess is attached to my baggage with people in this game and thats what i'm hoping for right now..... i dont really know whats going on with this vote, my alliance is saying either vote out issy or ciere or split the votes and theres drama where alex told aren about the plan and aren told emmott so theres a mess of distrust so i guess i do know whats going on... i'd like to vote for ciere because thats what i told aren and issy i was doing and if he goes i want to not have a history of lying with them bc so far i've been playing the weak innocent middle man card with that side so i dont want to fuck that image up EVEN THO RUTHIEEEEEEEE TOLD ISSY THAT SHE WAS AFRIAD THE "KHIANA BOYS" WERE AFTER HER... SMH @RUTHIE I LOVE YOU BUT I HATE YOU FOR THAT!!!!! im trying to make it seem like im so beyond the khiana vs fawz lines and be like we're all one race, the human race <3  ynadfhajkdhfks anywayyyyyyys idk what i'm going to do tonight ill prob just vote ciere and hope for the best.... anyone but me right? 

Aren

Welp... It's pretty fucking obvious at this point. I'm officially the unlucky dumbass that the Survivor Gods have elected as victim for tonight's tribal! The virgin sacrifice! It's a shame because for the whole day, it was just - Alex, Ci'ere, Alex, Ci'ere, Alex, Ci'ere. My name was still just a fart in the wind at that point... And THEN, all of a sudden in the last hour or so, BOOM! My name popped out like a surprise erection! It was crazy!!! But, YE lol I think I'm fucked lololloloollollololo its da aren is fukked parteh nd evry1 iz invytid!!!1111 lollolloollo

Ci’ere

“As far as I know, I’m unfortunately being voted out tonight and this will be my last confessional. :,( I didn’t want myself or my allies to go out in vain though so I made a cute little speech that will hopefully inspire people to make moves after I’m eliminated! Anyways, it’s been real Arabia~ This experience has been amazing and I’m so glad that I was able to meet all of you! Note: I just want you all to know that I did everything I could and even when it was 8 vs. 1 I didn’t give up. Bye <3”