#for seasoning use whatever the fuck you want. I put in salt and garlic and pepper

[emzawheezy]

drunk food. Home fries, ground beef, onions, green pepper, cheddar cheese and barbecue sauce. quick “pickled” red onions on top and lime juice :)

[kcrossvine-art]

hi birds of paradise and of prey! I sincerely hope your 2024 has been kind to you so far, and if it hasn't, I hope it starts being fucking nicer soon. We got eyes on it and are ready to take it out should it fail.

I'm coming to the end of my list here soon, so if anyone has ideas on what they'd like to see next, please do hit me up! Even if its just a piece of media with interesting food in it and not a specific dish you wanna see. My roommate got me a recipe book from that TikTok fantasy tavern guy, "recipes from the lucky gryphon"? So we could also take a shot at a few of those, although im not really familiar with his work. Regardless-

We will be making Stuffed Cabbage from Lord of the Rings Online today!

(As always you can find the cooking instructions and full ingredient list under the break-)

MY NAMES CROSS NOW LETS COOK LIKE ANIMALS

SO, “what goes in to this Stuffed Cabbage?” YOU MIGHT ASKYou cant kinda put whatever you want for seasonings and even the meat filling. I used ground beef but pork and lamb are also stellar candidates.

Yellow onion

Garlic

2 eggs

Ground beef

Rice

A head of cabbage

Oregano

Thyme

Red pepper flakes

Cumin

Crushed tomato

Tomato sauce

AND, “what does this Stuffed Cabbage taste like?” YOU MIGHT ASKBa bawsa

Very, very filling wow

2 rolls filled me up for a meal and i made about 20-ish from one head of cabage

A bit plain tbh, the texture is great but I'd really double up on the seasonings

A blank canvas for you to impart your spice preferences onto

Reheating makes it taste almost identical to fresh

Would pair well with a hot sauce dip

could also go well with an artichoke dip

If you run out of room and need to layer the rolls, I'd try experimenting with pouring some of the crushed tomato and sauce inbetween the stacked rolls. Otherwise the ones at the bottom lack a lot of the tomato flavor. However it might make the bottoms on the rolls laying ontop soggy?

. Where rice called for, used long grain white rice

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I've never blanched anything before. Theres not much western food that calls for it, meanwhile whenever my friend from malaysia shows a dish they ate, 9 times out of 10 the vegetables are blanched. Much easier process than the fancy name might suggest- boil water and dunk the thing in until its done. Whatever 'done' may be for the thing you are cooking.

Also for the ground beef (or whichever meat you use) you don't have to cook it beforehand, but in doing two tries at making these cabbage rolls i would recommend you at least season your meat before mixing it with everything else. The meat will cook to a safe temperature inside the cabbage rolls, i just prefer the taste and texture of it when cooked twice.

I give this recipe a meandering 7/10 (with 1 being food that makes one physically sick and 10 being food that gives one a lust for life again.) I want to review more horrible recipes, truly i do, so that the rating scale isnt always a 6 and above, but whenever i try something horrible its like "why the fuck would i put all the effort into making and sharing a review of this thing i Do Not Want others to eat????" yknow?? Would people be interested in roasting horrible recipes? 

🐁 ORIGINAL RESIPPY TEXT BELOW 🐁

Ingredients:

1 yellow onion

6 cloves of garlic

2 eggs

2 lbs ground beef

1 1/2 cup cooked rice

1 large head of cabbage

28oz crushed tomato

14oz tomato sauce

Oregano

Thyme

Red pepper flakes

Cumin

Salt/pepper

Method:

Saute garlic and onion in butter over medium heat until onions are caramelized. When done, remove from heat and let cool.

Season the beef to your liking with cumin, red pepper, and salt. Very, very lightly cook the beef in the same pan used for the garlic and onions. Cook until it starts to brown, but dont let it darken. 

Beat eggs thoroughly with oregano, thyme, salt, and pepper.

Add all of the above ingredients together in a bowl with (cooked!) rice. Mix thoroughly then cover and let rest in the fridge.

Core and blanche your cabbage in boiling water, peeling them off as they become limp.

Once you've separated all the leaves, cut off any thick stems that would prevent the leaf from folding.

Put roughly 2 tablespoons of meat filling into each leaf. Fold the sides of the leaf inwards and roll it up. Place each cabbage roll seam-down into a casserole dish.

If they don't all fit in one layer, its more than okay to stack. Try not to stack more than 2 layers though.

Once you've used all the cabbage, take your can of tomatos and pour them over the rolls. Mix some oregano into the tomato sauce and pour that over the rolls as well.

Bake uncovered in the oven at 350 for about 2 hours. Dont worry if a bit of tomato on top looks burnt.

IF REHEATING LEFTOVERS: Bake 10 cabbage rolls in the oven at 320 for about 40 minutes. Reduce time for less rolls.

[ghostradiodylan]

Do you have any headcanons for how the hacketteers would deal with being sick? Maybe how often they get sick, what type of illnesses they are prone to, etc….

Way behind on Quarry asks but I am home sick with some kind of crud right now so what better time to answer this one?!

Emma - Emma is a people person and always on the go, so she's exposed to a lot of germs. I feel like she'd be the one to get into juicing and making smoothies for immune health and the 'sexy' supplements like Moon Juice or whatever Gwyneth Paltrow is selling (but nobody’s sure if she really buys into them or if she’s just trying to get a sponsorship). Emma has a system for any kind of normal illness that doesn't completely knock her on her ass and that is to take a very hot bath with peppermint and eucalyptus bath salts and drink a hot toddy while she's in there. (Just the one, she doesn't want to drown!)

Jacob - This guy gets the dreaded Man Cold and is the sickest person who has ever lived. He doesn't get sick often because he's fairly health conscious, but he's absolutely pathetic and mopey about it when he does. He wants to be babied because his perfect male specimen of a body and extensive supplement regimen have betrayed him. He hates going to the doctor and puts it off until someone makes him go. Kaitlyn brings him soup and yells at him (affectionately) to stop being pathetic. He drinks a ton of Gatorade when he's sick (always Cool Blue flavor).

Kaitlyn - Look, Kaitlyn's Asian and her family was wearing masks during cold and flu season long before it was cool. She doesn't totally buy into the traditional Chinese medicine stuff but she does believe in the healing power of food that's spicy as fuck, especially if she's having sinus issues. She's also a fan of long, hot baths or showers, chicken soup with a ton of garlic, drinking a bunch of tea with lemon and ginger, the sauna at the gym, exercising even if she doesn't feel like it, hot yoga, and acupuncture. If that doesn't knock it out, she's not too stubborn to go to the doctor, people like that (who have insurance but don’t use it) drive her crazy (Jacob!).

Abi - If something is going around, Abi just knows she's going to get it. She’s a worrier and a bit of a catastrophizer when she does get sick. She's a hand sanitizer addict, she's got those cute sparkly holders from Bath & Body Works (but she uses the Halloween ones all year). She's good about letting herself take time to rest and get her strength back after an illness though. She likes to catch up on trash TV while she's recuperating. She also gets allergy shots because her environmental allergies are insane. She uses a neti pot or saline spray often to ward off sinus infections.

Ryan - Our stoic boy is stoic. Ryan takes all the necessary precautions to not get sick, he's kind of an obsessive hand-washer for sensory reasons anyway, but when he does, he follows doctors' recommendations to the letter and rarely complains. He will typically muddle through like normal if he's not got something contagious, but if he has to take time off work or school, he doesn't really talk about it or look to be cared for, just holes up in his room alone trying to not spread it around--he is very conscientious. Ryan gets the occasional migraine and that's one thing he can't really muddle through. He has to be in a quiet, dark room to recover, with an ice pack on his head, a caffeinated beverage, and a guided meditation podcast.

Dylan - People love to make our boy a damsel in distress because he's a cute gay string bean that bad things happen to, but Dylan is pretty tough in the game (like, unrealistically tough at times). I tend to consider his amputee arc as main canon, so given the assumption that he doesn't die of sepsis after surviving werewolves, he's got to have a pretty robust immune system and probably doesn't get sick that often. He does have that whole under-react/overreact thing going on though (the air freshener lol), so I imagine that when he does get sick, he either just carries on until he physically can't anymore (he'd wear a mask and get vaccinated and all that good stuff, he's a scientist after all, but he’s bad about making sure he gets rest) OR he starts Googling his symptoms and getting paranoid, convinced he has some rare incurable disease (he doesn't). He also doesn't really like to slow down and let people take care of him but when they really insist, he not-so-secretly loves the attention, from his mom, his boyfriend, his roommate/bestie, whoever.

Nick - Nick turns into a slimy wet sex pest whenever he gets sick. No, I’m kidding. I think it’d be funny/ironic/unfortunate if chef Nick had kind of a sensitive digestive system. He will eat anything, especially if Jacob is eating it. But, alas, Jacob has an iron stomach and our poor Nicholas does not. So he gets a lot of tummy troubles from doing things like eating 20 year old snacks or trying to go head to head with Jacob and Kaitlyn in a spicy ramen challenge. Nick gets sick a regular amount with stuff like head colds and is just kind of middle of the road as far as how he handles it. He does however have a habit of making up untrue facts about Australia that he tells his coworkers and campers when no one has the internet available to fact check him and one of them is that a steaming mug of hot pickle juice is a favorite folk remedy for colds there.

Max - he doesn’t get sick often but he is highly accident-prone. Like, so accident-prone that his family has started calling them ‘Maxidents’ when he has a major mishap. He routinely falls off ladders, gets attacked by migratory waterfowl, trips while trying to carry more groceries than he should into the apartment, etc. Max is luckily a very good patient because he has a lot of practice. He also has a lot of ice packs in the freezer at all times.

Laura - she gets onto Max about being careful, getting enough sleep, eating healthy, etc, but Laura is a do as I say, not as I do kinda gal. She does try to be healthy and active but she’s really busy (busier than ever post-canon because she thinks she can outrun trauma if she never slows down long enough to think about it). When Laura gets sick she gets Leslie Knope sick.

Max has to put her in bed and take care of her because she will not admit she needs it until she is practically on death’s door.

[carmenized-onions]

im trying to write my own carm fic and u just amaze me—how do u write about food so well ? is it prior knowledge, research? i know nothing but i want to incorporate food like u do ♥️♥️ big hearts for the fic!!

im so happy that anyone thinks i write food well so thank you thank you thank you first of all

second of all whatever you write i'm sure it'll be wonderful!!! and third!! it's a mix of a lot let's chat about food for a moment possibly a long moment get over here

I just like food. Just a big fan of food. Very much so a big part of like my culture/family/friends dynamic is showing love through feeding each other/eating together/sharing recipes etc etc-- So in that regard! When it comes to loving food! THat's just me

I have never worked a service job i hope no one can tell. I have friends/family/roommates that work in food service so most RESTAURANT things are from them however MAKING DISHES OOOHHHH

Fuck it, every recipe in Chicago's Kindest and their origins compilation!

Pork Brisket Sandwich!

Pretty much just following the recipe of one of the best sandwiches I've ever had that a dear friend of mine and her partner made me one night. I added the garlic confit because it's Carmen, and I've made confit before so like-- It's good. I think it'd go well. I guess when it comes to things like salt beds, acid/sweet, that just comes from me knowing how to cook a little bit kind of.

Wagyu Steak, Mushrooms, & Croquettes!

This one I straight up yoinked from Daniel NYC, a Michelin Star restaurant who I take from a lot (Yeah it scared the shit out of me when they showed up in the opener of season 3, fucking cameras in my HOUSE good lord.) I found them by looking for reviews of Michelin Star restaurants in New York and found a review of this plate specifically.

I did add the gruyere center to put a slight spin on it, and also made it 3 pieces of steak instead of two. Because One I think 2 cubes is a rip off and 2 I have had croquettes before and they are deeply unsatisfying to chew they need SOMETHING in the middle.

Breakfast Bruschetta !

This is just my own recipe-- I love this to make this for myself on like a weekend when I have the time, or make this for friends when they sleepover. It's good! I prefer feta to parm, also. You also don't have to use basil. Frankly basil is too fragrant. I just have a lot of basil because I grow it.

I don't remember how and why I came up with it-- I think I just really fuck with bruschetta and also love breakfast and eggs.

Oxtail Hot Pocket Wellington

So this is the original recipe from Daniel NYC, however I don't believe they sear it? Reason being, I researched different parts of this recipe and basically-- I knew I wanted it to be bad and go wrong, and specifically be extremely bitter.

And while googling keywords found that searing Fois Gras/Duck can cause a bitter taste! Not sure if it's bitter enough to cause the violent reaction everyone had, but works for me. And then it got altered, of course--

I have no idea if this would work. In theory I think it would. I did make this all up. Feta does have tang. Basil is fragrant. Beef Oxtail Wellington is a thing. I can't see why adding sauces to the internal pastry wouldn't work all that differently than basting with butter?

Again. I guess I just like cooking. But also research! Who is still reading this, who cares. whatever let's keep goin'

Cherry & Lamb :'(

This one was taken from Le Pavillion, Daniel Boulud's restaurant (Yeah, 'Boulud Nod' also scared the shit out of me in season 3), it's also a Michelin Star I believe? I looked over their website/menu after finding them through a directory of restaurants, and I knew I wanted to do something with cherries, so I was really blessed with this recipe from them truly.

Did research on terms I didn't understand, like montmorency and aigre-doux and what the fuck was up with lamb saddle-- I did add the basil because it makes me emotional and Carmen's fuckin obsessed with microgreens as has been made clear.

Oh fuck I did forget drinks are probably also important. We'll talk about the aperol spritz in a second but when it comes to lavender coffee/ black lavender latte-- Man. I just like cardamom and Carmen makes me think of lavender. idunno i'm gay, ANYWAYS

Pop Rocks & Steak :-O

This one is from my brain. As far as I know no Michelin Star place has made something savoury with pop rocks. I did do a dash of research on interesting things people are doing with pop rocks, and did see some fucking psycho on reddit making short ribs with pop rocks, and their girlfriend did think they actually tasted good, and that they caused a salavating of the tongue that made it melt very well

A3 Wagyu - Wagyu is like, marbled steak, and I knew he'd want the quality (it's the BEST!) but in my understanding of food, marbled fat would probably make the pop rocks preemptively melt and so it wouldn't have the same effect-- Looked at a Wagyu chart, found that A3 has less fat more meat, bingo bango

Pomegranate molasses-- It's fruity and it's used in barbecuing all the time-- I figured it'd be the perfect melder of the two concepts. However I do not know how one could make it sorbet thick. that's not my job though, that's carmen's. Would this taste good? I have no idea.

Aperol Spritz, Pink Pepper & Grapefruit

I kept seeing signs on the subway home advertising a ready made canned Aperol Spritz. I haven't actually had one myself. I get a vodka cran and I fuck off, personally. However--

These descriptions are all from research (googlin), and the grapefruit/pink pepper is from me really enjoying the spritz pink pepper scent in the perfumes Missing Person by Phlur and Glossier's You. And I was like oh that'd be nice with grapefruit. They make grapefruit pink pepper bitters? Google search! Yeah they do! Probably would be good. And to me it's very Carmen.

Coconut Emulsion & Souffle

This one was from the fact that I knew I wanted 3 things. I knew I wanted the recipe to come from Chip washing her makeup off, I knew I wanted to have an emulsion, because I think that's a fun word to say, and I knew I wanted it to be coconut-- Cause white, like cleansing balm.

And so, googled Michelin Star Coconut Emulsion. After a lot of scrolling, found Michelin Guide's article on Kei Kobayashi, a chef from Japan earning 3 stars (congrats baby!) and in it, whatdya know?

(combawa is also known as kaffir limes, did some googling, they're known for their zest and stronger scent in comparison to your average lime. )

i've been talking for so long.

what i'm trying to say is i do a lot(? is it alot? idk) of research. I go in with a loose idea of 'i know i want this aspect to this dish' and i go from there!! i also have started taking photos of menus at restaurants and trying to come up with my own shit.

I love food, so it's fun to talk/think about!! I think watching bon apetit back in the day really had an effect on me, honestly. If you want to get into thinking about insane ways to make food, no one was doing it like Sohla when they were so lucky to have her. So i'd reccomend just like,,, OPEN UR BRAIN!! GET WEIRD!! DO A LOOSE BIT OF RESEARCH BUT ALSO SOMETIMES MAKE IT THE FUCK UP!! HAVE FUN!! that's the point !

[dear-ao3]

Favourite pasta recipe??? :) I need new recipes to try out. doesn't have to be very detailed if u want. Alternatively, dessert recipes for holidays!!

Tysm

Okay So

i love fucking around and finding out with pasta. its what my dad always did with pasta when i was a kid and it’s so fun. i’ve made some good stuff. tho, i must warn you, this might be some absolute white bs seasoning so feel free to adjust that as needed

the absolute ride or die of pasta recipes that i make at college is called tuna noodle casserole. is it mid? to a degree. but it’s better than the dining hall and it makes good leftovers and you can kinda add whatever you want. this was one that i grew up eating and i think it came out of an ancient cooking light cookbook. here is my version:

what you need: 2 packets of cooked tuna, 1 package of egg noodles, frozen peas/corn/ whatever you really want, 1 can of cream of mushroom soup, some kind of grated/shredded cheese, a decent amount of bread crumbs (like a cup), half a chopped onion, like a cup of milk, a dash of lemon juice or some kind of acid, salt and pepper and whatever else you want for seasoning

preheat oven to ideally 450 but you can also do 350

sauté your onion in your preferred oil until it has some color and smells good

while that’s sautéing boil your egg noodles to just slightly aldente cause you’re gonna bake them eventually

once your onion is sautéed, add in your can of soup, milk, lemon juice, and salt and pepper/whatever else spices you want.

once that’s in a good sauce consistently, take your cooked noodles and put them in some kind of oven safe container. dump the sauce on top of the noodles along with the peas and corn or whatever vegetables you want and your tuna. break up the tuna and you can put in the juices if you want but i never do. mix it around pretty well.

combine your breadcrumbs and your cheese. you can also add seasoning and spice here. i’ve put in old bay before and my boyfriend likes it with his moms balachong. sprinkle over the top evenly.

bake until the top looks crunchy (usually a half hour or so but keep an eye on it)

and that’s it. it tastes decent and it’s good leftovers. making it in a wide pan is best for maximum breadcrumbage. it’s also pretty cheap. i’ve made it for less than 10 dollars before when i’ve bought everything at target.

i’ve also made this funky pasta and sausage thing before a few times. i absolutely invented this based on whatever i had in my measly fridge and what was on sale so.

what you need: a pack of chicken sausage (i had chicken soup sausage but anything works), some chicken soup (a can, a premade thing, i think i had a small cup of wawa chicken soup), pasta of your choice, seasoning, vegetables if you want (carrots, celery), seasoning (i used garlic powder, onion powder, chili powder, thyme, worstershire sauce, fish sauce, and dried basil) and an onion/few cloves of garlic if you want

sauté your onion/garlic in your oil if choice

slice your sausage into little coins (i use all 4 links cause my boyfriend is a himbo weight lifter who can and would eat a refrigerator, but 2 is fine for a normal amount) and add it to the pan along with any vegetables

cook until it has some color/ vegetables get soft ish

add in your chicken soup. if you don’t want to add the chicken, you can just add the broth. the sausage shouldn’t be swimming in the broth but it should be nicely covered (you wouldn’t need more than a can)

continue cooking down the broth, ass whatever seasoning you want to make it taste good

while that is happening, boil your pasta

once the pasta is boiled and you have a nice soupy ish sauce going on, add in the cooked pasta. the pasta should soak up the rest of the broth (especially good if you are making this to have leftovers)

and that’s that one. i suppose you could do this with any meat and soup combination.

another good and easy one is basically just some pasta and vegetables that i add some funky chickpeas to. my boyfriend really likes this one cause of the flavors because he is asian and if it doesn’t have flavor he doesn’t want it

what you need: pasta of choice, broccoli or green beans, a can of chickpeas, cheese for putting on top, meat if you want it, cloves of garlic, chili powder, garlic powder, onion powder, maple syrup, pepper, soy sauce/fish sauce, seasoned salt or regular salt and olive oil.

preheat the oven to 350

open the can of chickpeas and rinse them off, place on a baking sheet covered in foil or parchment paper

combine some garlic powder, onion powder, chili powder, seasoned salt soy sauce/fish sauce and maple syrup in a bowl (measurements don’t really matter, we cook with vibes here) in a bowl and then spread over the chickpeas, coating them well

put the chickpeas in the oven, checking on them and rotating them around every 10 minutes. they take about 30 minutes.

boil water for your pasta

chop your garlic and sauté in some olive oil

add the broccoli or green beans and your meat if you’re using meat

once that’s all done put the vegetables in the pasta and top with the chickpeas and some cheese and munch

as far as dessert goes. i’m ukrainian and we mostly just eat whatever generations old recipes my great aunt uses for dessert. but, there is a cranberry bread recipe in the back of the cranberry thanksgiving book that is very very good (esp with cream cheese). my grandma used to always make raspberry squares which were SO GOOD but i don’t have that recipe and we haven’t made them in literal ages.

the cranberry bread:

there is a really good and really simple butter cookie recipe tho that’s like basically three ingredients. i’ve made it gluten free before and it works as long as you have the 1:1 complete flour.

what you need: 2 cups of all purpose flour, 2 sticks of unsalted butter, 1/2 cup to 1 cup of white sugar, a bit of salt

beat the room temp butter and sugar until combined. add in the pinch of salt (can also add in vanilla if u want)

add in the flour little by little

roll out dough on floured surface

cut into shapes and add sprinkles if you want and cook in a 350 oven for 10-15 minutes each batch.

we make these literally every year, they’re perfect for gifts cause they’re easy and not very expensive. everyone loves them. i love them. i’m going to go make a batch now.

[plaguedoctormemes]

drop the chicken paprikash resippy 👀

caveat: I don’t use a lot a measurements and just use my eye/intuition/taste buds a lot, so if you need specific measurements you’ll probably be better off following a dedicated recipe online or comparing them to mine. Also, my recipe is by no means traditional as I am just a latino dude living in the southwest and i’m Not Hungarian in any way, and this is a riff off of my mom’s dish rather than the traditional dish itself. I also like to be really descriptive so there’s a lot of steps but this recipe is, in reality, mega easy lol. Okay-

This dish contains dairy. You can try dairy-free sour cream but I’ve never tried it. Lactose-free sour cream is a perfectly fine substitute though!

(Serves 4)

Cookery:

- a large pot big enough to line thighs on the bottom

- A wooden spoon or spatula to stir with, and tongs or something to take out the chicken with.

Ingredients:

- Chicken thighs with skins on (i really do not recommend skinless or substituting for breasts at all) enough for 1 or 2 per person

- 1 white or sweet yellow onion

- 3-4 cloves of garlic

- 5 large carrots, or two handfuls of baby carrots.

- 3 Russet Potatoes

- Sour cream (you can use 8 oz, i like to use 16oz because i always use a little more than half)

- Chicken broth (at least 4 cups, I used almost a whole 32 oz carton.)

- Any neutral oil (for frying), olive oil is ok though

- Salt and pepper

- Paprika (If you can get hungarian paprika that’s preferred, but otherwise dont sweat it. The dish is called Paprikash so make sure you have plenty)

- Cayenne pepper

- Dried red pepper strips (I happened to have a bag of them from Trader Joes. This is kinda optional but i liked it so much that i recommend it.)

Optional Ingredients:

- Any other vegetable you want (corn, peas, green beans or diced fresh bell pepper would be good!)

- Tony Chachere’s cajun seasoning (for seasoning the chicken, i put this shit in everything tbh)

- Parsley (for color)

Directions:

1. Season thighs liberally with salt, pepper (and tony chachere’s seasoning if available), allow to sit for 30 minutes or while you chop veggies.

2. Pre-cook the potatoes partway by using a microwave, oven, or cubing and boiling in water until almost done. I used a microwave since it’s much faster.

3. While potatoes are cooking, slice onion horizontally (into rings) or vertically (into strips), whichever you’d prefer. Slice large carrots into 1/2 cm coins or baby carrots in half. Smash and mince your garlic.

5. Blend entire bag of dried red pepper. It seems like a lot, but it’s not since peppers are mostly air now. If you don’t have a blender, use a mortar and pestle or put into a bag and smash the fuck out of those guys until theyre a powder. It’s okay if it’s not super duper fine. If you dont have dried red pepper, skip this step.

6. Whenever your potatoes are half done, take them out of whatever vessel you chose and carefully cut into large cubes (theyre probably really hot!)

7. At med-high heat, add a couple tablespoons of oil to your pot, enough to coat the bottom. Add your thighs skin side DOWN so that theyre in direct contact with the bottom. Allow the thighs’ fat to render out and the skin to brown a bit. It should take about 6 minutes. If the skin hasnt taken on a lot of color yet, that’s ok- allow a few more minutes and then flip the thighs. Allow the bottoms to cook for another 5 minutes in the rendered fat then remove.

8. Now put in your carrots, garlic, and onion in the pan to cook in the rendered chicken fat. Scrape whatever yummy brown fond has built on the bottom. Don’t sweat about scraping it all up, as youll get most of it later. Cook until carrots are softened but still a little firm and onions are starting to turn translucent.

9. Add your cubed potatoes in with the other vegetables, give them a toss, and take off of the heat so you can add the seasonings- papricka scorches easily. Most recipes use ~3tbs, I swear I always use more like 4. Also add in your powdered red pepper here, as well as 1 tbs of cayenne some more salt and pepper. Mix everything and bring back to the heat, which you will reduce to Medium.

10. Pour in your chicken broth, enough to submerge all of the vegetables. Add about 3 generous spoonfuls of sour cream, mixing it in so that the soup is now a creamy, luscious gravy. It’s important to not have the pot much hotter than Medium so that the sour cream doesnt curdle. This is a good time to do some extra fond-scraping if you couldnt get a lot earlier! The potatoes may soften and deteriorate, and that’s fine.

11. Re-place the thighs back into the pot as well, making sure theyre covered in the gravy. If the liquid doesnt cover the thighs, add some more chicken broth and sour cream until it does.

12. Chop up or tear up a handful of parsley and add.

13. Cover pot with a lid and allow everything to come back to a boil. Let everything mingle together for about 15-20 minutes, stirring occasionally. This will re-heat the thighs and finish cooking them. You can also taste the gravy for salt and adjust accordingly. This is also a good time to add some frozen corn, peas and stuff if desired.

And that’s it! You can serve this on top of egg noodles as well since thats pretty traditional, but the thighs and veggies alone with the gravy makes for a very savory and hearty dinner. Make sure you add another ladle-full of gravy on top.

This dish will result in something that sort of resembles a stew with a bright vibrant reddish zesty and creamy gravy, tender vegetables and juicy, tender chicken. The gravy should be chickeny, savory, and delightfully creamy. Paprika is already powdered red pepper, but I feel like adding just normal powdered paprika and then the freshly blended dried red pepper adds an additional fresh, sweet richness to the sauce. Thighs still have the bone in it, so i usually eat this dish with a fork and use my fingers to carefully tear the meat off the bone, and then just pick up the bone once it’s cooled off a little and gnaw on the rest of the meat and the softened cartilage.

My partner and friends really liked it. Next time we’re going to add some chipotle or southwestern red chile to it for some more spice and smokiness to try out.

[briskunt]

unit 4402’s dishwasher steak

ny stript steak or some other cut idk. whatever your heart desires

salt n pepper

2 cloves of garlic, chopped into coins

sprig of fresh rosemary

season both sides of your steak with salt and pepper

place steak, garlic, and rosemary into a bag, i like to make sure both sides of the steak have some garlic on it just to be sure

vacuum seal. if you don’t have a vacuum seal you can

place your dishwasher steak into a ziplock bag

fill a pot, container, etc with water

close the ziplock as much as you possibly can except for a SMALL corner

slowly submerge the bag into the container. MAKE SURE NO WATER GETS INSIDE THE BAGGIE‼️once the water level is just about to reach the open corner of the baggie, close it

when you submerge the bag into water, it forces the bag to sink into itself bc it’s surrounded by liquid. the closer you get to the corner without letting any water in, the less air you have trapped in your bag. when you take the bag out, bam, all your ingredients are super pressed up against each other!

place the bag on the top rack of the dishwasher. run a normal cycle (~200 minutes j think?). you can also load some dishes and soap in there if you’d like, but buyer be fucking ware if anything gets contaminated. i can get away with this because i don’t get sick but i can’t confirm for any’a’y’all

whenever your dishwasher is done, heat up a pan with oil at medium/medium high heat. remove the baggie and take out the steak. sear on both sides. you can also sear the edges if you believe in that, i don’t judge, this is a safe space for all walks of life. anyways it shouldn’t be on the pan for long. it just gives you a nice crust

serve while hot.

the dishwasher operates at similar time and temperatures as a sous vide machine, so the ziplock serves as a budget sous vide vacuum bag. this is how your steak becomes medium rare! the top rack of the dishwasher doesn’t have heating elements so you get a rarer cook here. if you want your steak to be cooked more then put it at the bottom. i will judge you greatly. no i do not care that it was cooked in a dishwasher. yes i do care that it’s medium well. these decisions will affect your friendships and love life

you can experiment with this recipe and try any combo of seasoning, marinades, etc. garlic and rosemary, if you have it on hand, is a super easy combo that doesn’t require a lot of foresight. i made this last week by cutting my garlic on a packet of buldak noodles and using some rosemary i found at an undisclosed location. i ended up grilling the leftover garlic on the pan and eating those with my steak as a little treat. it took me like 9 minutes plus ~200 minutes to dishwasher plus 15 minutes to put away my dishes so this is a good weeknight meal for when your mom is coming home in 15 minutes and you forgot to do your chores

try not to add liquids inside the vacuum sealed bag. these will make your steak boil inside the dishwasher instead of getting steamed from the outside, and it’ll kill your texture. so if you’re a marinade enjoyer or you have an especially bloody cut, don’t forget to pat your steak dry with a paper towel to prevent the whole boiling effect. that’s a good habit to get into with almost any meat really. makes the texture better

happy father’s day, americans! i am bringing this meal to my unit family barbecue with my secret homemade spice rub and my bbq glaze pork chops (oven). if you’re not american you should make this and offer it to your biological father anyways. trust me bro.

[psalacanthea]

Super-Simple Avocado Salad Dressing

day ? of trying to use up this fucking thing of Costco pesto my roommate bought:

1/2 large very ripe avocado, or 1 small

Water

Pre-made pesto your roommate bought from the bulk store because he was forged in the hateful molten core of the world with the intent of making you suffer

salt

pepper

squeeze of lemon

hot sauce if u want it

Mash the avocado as best you can, and start adding water 1tbsp at a time to thin it out. When it's to the thickness you like (i like when it pours off the spoon but barely, I like it thicc) then that's literally your entire base.

add 2 tbsp of pesto, stir, taste. if it needs more basil/garlic flavor, add a little more pesto. but don't add more if it just needs salt!

salt and pepper to taste and squeeze in some fresh lemon-- salad dressings are meant to flavor, so make it a little saltier than you'd want just eating spoonfuls of it

Put on salad!

alternates i am thinking up randomly right this moment:

fresh cilantro and a little adobo from a can of chipotles in adobo, plus a pepper if you like spice!

ranch seasoning

everything but the bagel seasoning

any kind of fresh herbs you like, finely chopped. throw in parsley, chives, dill, mint, tarragon (if u want a green goddess type dressing, parsley and tarragon are a must)

just a shitton of sriracha

if u make a version without pesto add a little olive oil for body

yogurt or sour cream instead of lemon would be good too and add a creamier texture

I wouldn't add just vinegar to this but I'm not your mom so whatever

[bloodenjoyer]

butternut squash soup

recipe (more like a diary entry of how i made it lol) under the cut!! also warning this is not a quick recipe i started this whole process at like 2:30 and didnt finish the soup until abt 5:45 ish, didnt pull the bread out of the oven until abt 6:30. it was so worth it tho

Ok so basically i decided i wanted to make bread and butternut squash soup for dinner so i started by making the bread and followed this recipe. then while the dough was rising i started tackling the squash. i used a ~4.5 pound squash and started by cutting it in half and putting it in a bowl of water in the microwave for...idk six minutes each half? a bit more? just to make it softer. then i scraped out the guts and seeds (annoying and icky) and cut it into smaller pieces and peeled it with a carrot peeler. this takes a bit more effort than peeling carrots because the squash is hot and soft but also hard and weird and the skin is kinda thick. As i peeled each segment i cut them into smaller pieces and dropped them into a large pot on the stove to just kinda hang out on medium heat in a can of chicken stock, stirring each time i added more squash. i probs shouldve used vegetable broth but chicken stock is what i had so thats what i used.

once i added all of the squash (compost the skin btw!! i forgot to do that :/ ) into the pot, i squeezed a whole lemon into it. then i added like maybe five cloves of garlic cut into large pieces as well as some honey, cinnamon, cumin, lawrys seasoned salt, smoked paprika, lots of garlic powder and some cayenne pepper. stirred it again and then popped the lid on while i cut up two small onions. once i was done w the onions i rinsed out the bowl i originally microwaved them in and transferred the squash back into it.

i then put olive oil and a tiny bit of sesame oil (idk why) into the pan and let the onions fry up. to this i added: more cumin (fav spice ever <3), turmeric, herbs du provence (not sure what these are there just was a jar on the counter so i used it), and i also grated ginger into it. be careful not to let yr onions burn btw. Then once they looked like they had cooked down enough to fit into the bowl w the squash i put them in the bowl w the rest of the squash.

Next i made a béchamel sauce w coconut milk. i heated a can of coconut milk (obvs not the ACTUAL can i put it in a measuring cup and it came out to b abt 1 and 1/4 cups) in the microwave so it would be hot. then i put 2tablespoons of butter and 2tablespoons of flour in the pan. you gotta stir this constantly (its easiest if you use a whisk) so U dont accidentally make dumplings. once that starts getting thick and bubbling a little bit i added the coconut milk in increments, still whisking it the whole time. once that was done i lowered the heat so it wouldnt get curdled or dumplingy and added white pepper, sriracha sauce (first thing i saw when i opened the cabinet so i added it), more garlic powder and cumin bc i like those things a lot.

so then i finally added all the squash and onions back into the pot. i mixed it all in and then blended it w/ a handheld blender. if u dont have one u can just do all the squash ina food processor before adding it back to the pot and if you dont . Um try your luck with a potato masher i guess. EXCEPT i got scared while blending it on account of my pot was so wide and that meant the soup was just a BIT shallow. so i squoze a lime into it. that obviously wasn't enough and i added a bit more milk (cow milk, not coconut milk bc i didnt wanna open a whole nother can and i figured i had already put butter in it so who cares) and then blended it until it was smooth as i could make it. the blender pretty much made all the squash smooth but there were still unblended onions which personally i actually like.

then i finally tried it and it was soo fucking good oh my god.itwas so so worth it. i didnt use a recipe for this when i cook i just throw whatever into a pan and hope for the best but im writing it down bc i wanna make this again bc it was.very yummy.

anyway then i put a lid on the pot and let it hang out while i preheated the oven and baked the bread (which i also painted the crust w an eggwash and put a bit of salt on before sticking it in the oven) etc etc etc .

[crowleycoded]

Gina's Mac and cheese (ish) recipe

*2-3 cups of shredded cheese. Combo, all one, more than that, less than that I don't care. How cheesy you want it?(tn I used like half marbe half extra old white ched)

*milk (2 cups? I just poured it's gonna be a consistency thing anyway)

*butter (the real shit if you wanna do this RIGHT. And also salted duh)

*flour (again this is an eyeball thing for me. If you really want you can look up a basic roux recipe that's all this is it's the base to a bechamel sauce fancy words for fat and flour) idk ill talk about this more when we get there. Trust.

*flavouring accoutrements (garlic powder, mustard, chipotle powder, salt, pep. This is your world I'm just teaching you how to live in it)

*parmesan of choice

*small onion

*half a pack of bacon

*bread heels, like. 2 or 3, whatever you have. (unless you own your own breadcrumbs already. If not imma teach you to make em right here right now)

*noodles of choice. No I won't tell you how much because we all know nobody actually knows that shit.

STEP ONE: MISE EN PLACE

Prep time, baby. First off, oven on 300, and a pot of water on to boil the noods. Onion? Dice it tiny as fuck. Bacon? Fry it up, crispness is At your discretion. Bread? Slap it on a cookie sheet and throw it in that hot oven for like. 5 ish minutes. You're not toasting it you're just drying it out. (if you plan this in advance you can simply leave them out to dry morning of but I don't roll like that). Once your bacon is cooked, take it out and drain the grease out of the pan. Pop in some butter (garlic butter if you're really vibin) and those diced onions. Cook that shit on like medium low until they're a good golden colour, almost starting to crisp up. Take the pan off the heat and let it be.

STEP TWO: MAKE THE TOPPING

(but first put your noodles in the boiling water if you haven't already. Also salt and some oil in there pls) In a food processor or a blender (if you don't have these, use a knife and go the fuck to town) blitz your dried bread, a good spoonful of your fried onion, and your cooled and degreased bacon strips until pulverized. Dump in the amount of parm you feel is correct and blitz again. You're gonna use this as topping. If you feel you've made too much don't worry. I have a solution later to come. Now put the oven up to 350.

-at this point I recommend you go no further until your noodles are cooked, drained, and run under cold water to STOP THEM COOKING.

STEP THREE: GET DAT SAUCE

Alright now for the only really intimidating part. The roux. First off you're gonna take like 2 cups of milk and pour it into the pan with your onion and put that on about a 5. You wanna get your milk warming up and this way you get all the pan goodies. If you're using mustard, throw about a tablespoon or two into that pan too while you're at it.

Now in a good saucepan, (Big Pot) throw in like. 2/3 cup of butter at least. At least. Use more than you think you need that's the thing here. Melt it up. Once it's melted and started to bubble, toss in flour. Start with like. Less than half a cup? While you do this, whisk like a madman. Don't add more flour till your flour you have is combined. If it gets to look doughy and thick you've added too much flour. Easy fix, more butter. This isn't healthy it's Mac and cheese. Whisk it up and it should be less of a dough and more like a batter consistency. Continue to cook and whisk on medium high until this turns a nice golden colour and thickens to a paste. Now take that pan of milk and onion and stuff and throw that in the pot, along with any spices or seasonings now. (I used chipotle powder and seasoning salt, and garlic powder). Now WHISK SOME MORE we don't want no flour lumps. It's gonna get thick. You're fine. Add more milk if you're worried, and also turn it to low.

Once that's smooth, you get that cheese in there. Get it melted. Fuck yeah.

STEP FOUR: AVENGERS ASSEMBLE.

Now. Once your cheese is melted, we are at prime time. Remember when I said I had a solution if you had too many breadcrumbs made? Throw all the extra in here, leave enough to coat the top before baking. Now you combine your noodles. Take your time, be thorough, and Fold don't STIR, dammit. From the bottom. Be patient. Once it's fully combined and beautful, you pour that shit into a buttered baking dish. Size determined by how much you made, I used a tall 9*9 pan. Spread your crumb topping on top evenly and bake on a low rack for 20 minutes or until topping is golden brown.

[electaaaaa]

What's the worst meal you've made. I mean really the worst thing. Don't be afraid to give details :)

I actually have some answers so I’ll give ya

I went to a serve your own froyo place and put like 20+ flavors in one cup when I was little

My friend (lives in a dorm with me) made Kraft Mac n Cheese in the dorm public electric kettle. Now this was really funny and silly and whatever cause for box Mac n cheese you need butter salt milk ect. We had none of this so we just had cursed Mac n cheese from a dorm electric kettle that just had the powder. (I ate it out of a “#1 Dad Mug”)

I have few worst meals that I have personally cooked however

MEAL 1

I was making stir fry but I was out of like the 3 main seasonings sauces ect I use so I kinda just throw some shit that smelled good together and oh. oh no.

The result was “Vampire Killer” an utterly tasteless and odorless dish that was just very sad upon consumption. However you swallow this meal and you are immediately hit with the after taste of a 1000 heads of garlic bringing wrath to your soul.

MEAL 2

Also I wanted to make Mac n cheese so I started doing the whole “Mac n cheese rue for sauce” thing. Except my pre adhd diagnoses 7th grade pee-brain forgot the ratio of ingredients. Anyway so the pasta was fine but the sauce was just not goin well. (Understatement of the century)

This pasta sauce turned crumbly somehow so I freaked the fuck out and added milk. Then it was too liquidly so I added cornstarch. So on and so forth til I had a pot of something that smelled like burning rubber and had the texture of mashed potatoes idk how I did it

MEAL 3

So I was actually with tumblr user @diceborne for this one haha. So we were baking and made cookies and all is well in the world. I check the cookies at 10 min of baking… raw inside. Okay let’s go for 15! Raw inside still… something’s up but eh fuck it.

Anyway after 20 minutes we took these rock solid charcoal ass cookies out of the oven and oh my. These were so bad not only were they inedible, but I have a video somewhere of me smacking these cookies into a granite counter and it making a “clink” and the cookie being unscathed

Honorable Mentions Cheeto Soup, “EL THATS NOT HOW YOU MAKE RAMEN”, Detention Sandwich, The Applesauce Cake™️, and The Pumpkin Bread Incident

Does this do anything to my credibility when I say I’m a good cook? Nope but hey

[motherhenna]

Some recipe suggestions/tips from someone who hates cooking, doing dishes, and dealing with produce:

Ingredients I get in bulk/always have on hand:

corn tortillas (get the giant bag of them and stick it in the freezer, they make great snacks on their own, and you can put mish mash in there and call it a taco!)

Pasta/Lentils/Rice

Tomato sauce and paste

Canned/frozen veggies (I like beans, corn, potatos, and peas especially but to each their own. Chickpeas are usually pretty good too.)

canned refried beans

Ground meat (I buy in 1lb increments and stick in freezer for easy protein)

frozen chopped onions

diced garlic in water

spices (Garlic and onion powder, cumin, curry powder, paprika, cayenne, oregano, basil, rosemary, bouillon, etc)

condiments (soy sauce, sweet n sour sauce, mustard/ketchup, honey, peanut butter, balsamic vinegar, olive oil, etc)

Recipes:

Samosa filling

Boil potatos or heat up canned ones until hot and soft. Microwave frozen peas, corn, carrots (or whatever veggies u like) until not frozen, or used canned. Put some fennel seeds into a pan for a little while until toasty, then add some oil/ghee and dump in your veggies/taters, plus some onions and garlic. Mush with a spatula and add curry powder/cumin/paprika or other savory spice mix to taste and cook until it smells/tastes good. Put in a tortilla/pita with some sweet n sour sauce if u want.

Lentil/Chickpea mishmash

Boil lentils until soft and the skins are kinda peeling, drain. Add to pan w canned chickpeas. Add some broth or water, just enough not to burn. Add savory spices, stir until chickpeas are softened. Optional: Cook garlic/diced onions in pan before adding lentils and chickpeas.

Soup

In a pot, cook some ground meat until browned, add some italian/savory spices. Dump in canned veggies, if using frozen then microwave first so it doesnt mess w cooking time too much. Season to taste. Add broth or water and buillon until desired soup consistency. Bring to a boil, then add short pasta noodles (like bowtie or fusili). Cook until pasta is almost done, then turn heat down and simmer and add spices until it tastes/smells good. You can freeze portions for later too.

Homemade pasta sauce

Storebought is expensive so: diced onions in a pan until soft. Add garlic, then tomato sauce (enough to coat amount of pasta u want). Add some tomato paste and italian seasonings (oregano, basil), then cook until it doesn't taste like raw tomato. Salt to taste. (Optional: cook ground meat until browned with the onions. if cooking from frozen wait to add the onions until meat is halfway cooked.) Boil ur pasta, then drain mostly (leave a little water) and pour pasta into the pan ur cooking the sauce in. stir to coat pasta.

Smashed cucumber salad

look up a recipe, there's a thousand out there, but usually i just cut up persian cucumbers, pour some vinegar/soy sauce/sesame seeds/chili flakes on there and boom

Peanut cucumber salad

Peel and slice american cucumbers, put in bowl with a lid. Add halved cherry tomatoes and peanuts. Add balsamic vinegar, olive oil, peanut butter/peanut sauce. put lid on, shake vigorously. If u dont have lid, then combine sauce ingredients separately and whisk to emulsify before adding to salad.

Also quick and great: Bean and cheese burritos, peanut butter sandwiches, eggs, caprese salad.

Thanks so much! There's definitely a couple in here I could fuck with, and yeah having more canned stuff sounds like a good idea. Not as good as fresh obviously but better than fast food right? Also, truly wish I could eat refried beans without shitting myself to death afterwards lmao that and chalula or tapatillo is why almost every mexican dish makes my intestines radioactive

[criminal-sen]

I made the most badass soup and want to share the recipe but the chances of anyone seeing it and actually finding it useful are so slim imo. But it was curry pumpkin lentil and jfc I cannot stop thinking about how good it was

Okay fuck it. Find a small pie pumpkin and bake it. Any variety of winter squash would also work tbh. Whatever you use, you want it fully cooked, on the mushy side

While that's cooling, chop some onion and carrot, about 1 each, cook with a splash of olive oil in a Big Pot til it starts sweating. Add a bunch of chopped ginger and garlic. Then dump in some turmeric, curry and cayenne (the latter if you like a spicy). Now add about 6 cups broth (I used chicken) and 1 cup lentils. Cover and simmer until lentils are starting to get soft.

While that shit is simmering, chop up a sweet potato. About a cup. And some kale if you're into that shit. When the lentils are soft, throw in your sweet pot. Now come back to your pumpkin which should be fairly cooled off. Scoop out the flesh and put it in a blender with a can of coconut milk (I use low fat solely cuz the regs is offputting levels of creamy to me) and blend til smooth.

Once your sweet potato is soft, throw in your kale and cook for a min or two until it's uh. Cooked. Finally, add your pumpkin blend. Season with salt to taste. Boom you have Good Soup

[lastoneout]

may you please share the onion gravy recipe? I've never tried gravy and that sounded really good!! :0

Okay so I was def Winging It pretty hard-core when I made it cuz which I have a bad habit of doing since I've been cooking for so long I can kinda just do whatever and have it work out, but I can break down more or less what I did! Also I'm terrible at explaining things so I don't know if this will be helpful but I hope it is??

Oh also ingredients people make lists of those okay

one small-medium onion(I think yellow is better but I used white)

like half a stick of butter bcs I'm worse than julia child but you can sub for olive oil or idk bacon grease if you're really feeling it, just some kind of fat so the onions don't stick too much

like two tbs of flour or one or corn starch

I think 16oz of beef broth all together? Might be more or less, I bought the store brand 32oz container and there was around half left

salt and pepper

garlic...or just garlic powder and/or garlic salt

maybe a tiny pinch of brown sugar if you want and/or some other seasonings idk that is up to you onion

So I peeled and chopped up the onion(very badly cuz I suck at that) and threw it in a little sauce pan with some butter and salt and then spent like...ough 45 minutes caramelizing it?? which DOES undermine my point about food being easy but it's not complicated it just takes a while and it's very worth it(and you can also caramelize a lot of onion when you do have time and freeze it for use later) just keep it on low heat and make sure to stir them every few minutes so they don't burn and add more butter or olive oil if they are burning really fast or are sticking too much. You can also add a lil pinch of brown sugar to help the cramelizing but I didn't. Up to you!

Anyway once they were done I added beef broth in like really small amounts like half a cup at a time, made sure to scrape up all the good bits in the pan as I stirred it in, and let it cook down before adding the next one to really Consentrate The Flavor, and after doing that twice I added another like cup or so of beef broth and let it simmer for a while until it looked like more or less the right amount. Then I added seasonings, I think salt, pepper, and garlic salt and maybe a little garlic powder? You don't need much tho so taste it as you go. Also looking back I don't think I used real garlic so idk when you'd add it, probably before the broth when the onions are done, and just stir until it smells good idk.

You can use flour for the next step, just like mix a tablespoon or less in and let it cook and thicken on medium heat and if it's not thick enough you can do it again, but I used corn starch cuz I was out of flour and that was like a tablespoon? And I took some of the broth out and put it in another cup and mixed it with the cornstarch until there weren't lumps and THEN mixed it into the main pot(that's just a corn starch thing tho that stuff is a bitch flour is way easier) and then let it cook a bit like on medium until it was thick.

Then I added a little bit of cream cuz I'm a fancy bitch but milk or half and half works, just watch it cuz that's ofc gonna water it down a little, so you don't need much. (You have more wiggle room with cream cuz it's already thicc, a little less with half and half, and less than that with milk so keep that in mind.)

And that's it! It was really fucking good, kinda like you made french onion soup into gravy?? Idk it was better than the meatloaf that's for sure and it keeps in the fridge for a couple of days so that's good! Hope this was helpful and sorry I'm terrible at explaining things lmao but yeah that was the process!

[poor-people-cooking]

bbq mac and cheese

tools:

medium sized pot

ladle

cheese grater

big bowl

ingredients:

any creamy box mac and cheese

however much butter the box says

however much milk the box says but heavy cream instead

cheddar cheese block

garlic powder

longhorn steakhouse grill seasoning

honey/hickory bbq sauce

salt

pepper

shredded chicken (optional)

instructions:

boil the pasta in salted water for as long as the box says. strain the pasta and put it in the bowl. heat heavy cream and butter over low heat before mixing in the packet. stir until the sauce is smooth. i want to make it clear, from this point on, you add as much of everything as feels good. you have to go out of your way to fuck up here. shred the cheese (you can use bagged shredded cheese, it just doesnt melt as well and the powdery stuff makes me feel yucky. mix it into the sauce, turning up the heat just enough to melt the cheese all the way. it can start to simmer, but do NOT let it boil. then season. now comes the good shit. bust open that barbecue sauce and go wild. like actually fucking insane. i want the smell to stick to your walls. so much sauce. mix it in until the color is even. dump the pasta back in, and add chicken if youd like. stir well. top with whatever, parsley is good. serve with a crusty piece of bread or at a family potluck.

[iranknoodles]

MAMA - ORIENTAL STYLE INSTANT NOODLES (CHAND CLEAR SOUP): PHO

PRODUCT

Origin: Thailand

Brand: MAMA

Flavour: Pho

Ingredients:

Rice (45g - 78%)

Tapioca Starch

Soup Powder (6,9g)

Salt

Sugar

Garlic Powder

Flavourings

Flavour Enhancers (E621, E635)

Dried Spring Onion

Pepper

Acid (E330)

Colour (E150a)

Seasoning Oil (2,8g)

Palm Oil

Garlic

Chilli Powder (0,3g)

Preparation:

Put the noodles and seasoning in a bowl.

Add 1 and 1/2 (360ml) of boiling water to the mix.

Cover the mixture.

Let it sit for 3 minutes.

----

REVIEW

Preparation: 9/10 - Easy

Appearence: 7/10 - Good (the noodles looked really appetizing, even though there was nothing very particular about them)

Smell: 3/10 - Non-Existent (it didn't smell like anything????)

Flavour Accuracy: 3/10 - Didn't Even Try (it just tastes like spice, which is remarkable because pho is typically NOT a spicy dish, so yes I am confused)

Tastiness: 5/10 - Okay (average taste for mildly spicy noodles but it really didn't taste like anything else)

Spiciness: 6/10 - Midly Spicy (tastes like spice but it doesn't leave a strong after taste)

Texture: 6/10 - Average (exactly what you'd expect rice noodles to feel like)

Portion: 4/10 -Meh (it is definitely slightly smaller than usual, you will need to eat something else with it)

Final Rating: 5 - Okay

Final Considerations: After the experience with the other pho flavour of MAMA (which you can find the review for here), I didn't have high expectations for this and, frankly: good on me. Because, somehow, this managed to be an even worse immitation of pho than the other version and I simply can't tell you how crazy that is. What surprised me the most was the spiciness (?) that legitimately idek why is here?? Like... Okay, of course, I know people who like spicy pho, the concept isn't foreign to me, but that's just not the most common way of having pho, it's just not an originally spicy dish. Thus, the idea to make it spicy just makes no sense to me, like, what??? Admitedly, you can choose not to have it spicy, the spice package is labelled as such and you can choose not to use it but that then leaves the question of: what does it taste like without the spice??? Because I couldn't find anything else in there BUT the spice, there was no other taste. AND the soup had no smell whatever (weird as fuck, by the way, ominous soup). So I legit can't tell what they were thinking with this one but it didn't get anyone anywhere. I can legitimately only rec this if you want spicy noodles but you want rice noodles and not wheat. Other than that (and maybe even so), I'm sure you can find better options.