el-ahrahrah

[carnivorousdoe]

MY CAMEO FROM GEORGE TAYLOR CAME EARLY! HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ME!!! ♡ incase anyone is in need of some jane austen quotes spoken by rolan himself, I gotchu. who would’ve known that all I needed was a spicy rolan confession to put me in the christmas spirit.

[mm-lurking]

Can i request a part 2 or continuation of the bringing up their dead exes in an argument🧙‍♀️

Specifically aventurine’s part yum, imagine he continues the bargain and reader ends up like his ex and reader was right,THE ANGST I CAN FEEL RADIATING IS GIVING IRON TO MY ANEMIC BLOOD 🧚‍♀️✨

Ofc though always take your time :3

(This is the continuation of my first ask, which you can read here)

Oh my my, you really like angst don’t you? You���re like me fr. Thank you for your patience, I was preparing for my thesis presentation. I hope you enjoy!

Warnings: Aventurine x fem! reader, reader dies, torture, angst angst and angst

WC: 3268 --- You apologised. The first thing you did when your emotions calmed down and you thought things through was to go apologise. You stood in front of his room, nervously fidgeting with your hands and wondering if he would be ok with seeing you. Would he get upset at you again? Threaten to shoot you? Would he hurt you?

Soft knocks resound on his door as you wait for him to answer. After a few more rounds of knocking and no answer, you grow increasingly worried and twist the door handle only to see Aventurine’s tear-stained face as he slumps on the sofa asleep. The tiny frown on his face and his gun lying on the floor tells you all you needed to know: you hurt him deeply and your words broke him.

With tears in your eyes, you quietly tiptoe over to him and cautiously sit next to his figure, carefully wiping the remaining tears from his face. His forehead is cool to the touch as you brush his hair away from his eyes, soothingly running fingers in his hair and watching over him. Him crying like this was your fault and you hated how you said such hurtful things without thinking twice. Unknowingly, the tears in your eyes plop onto his forearm from the surge of sadness you feel which prompts him to stir awake.

“Hm…?”

His sleepy voice rings in the room and you panic as you try to blink your tears away. He looks confusedly at you for a split second which makes your panic even worse and so you quickly get up from the sofa, thinking he wouldn’t want you around, only to be yanked back.

“Where are you going?”

He asks quietly as his arms wrap around your waist and he looks into your eyes. The redness of his puffy eyes and the dark under-eye bags make you burst into tears and bawl on his shoulder.

“Aventurine I am so sorry for hurting you like that I shouldn’t have said such cruel things I am so sorry for the things I said I-”

He inhales sharply as he hears you apologise; taken aback by your breakdown and the pain in your voice. Tears well up in his eyes too and he hugs you tighter. You both stay like that for a good amount of time, letting the tears flow unapologetically as the proximity between you both eases the pains of your hearts. After a while, when he sees you have calmed down, he gently pries you off his shoulder and cups your face.

“I should have confirmed with you before I did anything.”

You shake your head and caress his face sadly.

“No, I should have been more patient with you. I shouldn’t have brought up Lilac Iike that-”

“The matter has passed. Let us speak of it no more.”

You immediately hug him, wrapping your arms around his waist and squeezing him. He reciprocates and smiles as he rests his head on your shoulder.

“I will never allow you to get hurt, I promise you. You are my good luck, my royal flush.”

Hearing him say that makes you giggle and you kiss his cheek.

“And I promise I will do my best in this deal. What is your plan?”

You both spend the rest of the day discussing the deal and coming up with different strategies to handle the enemy territory. He was right, you always made it out alive even with the wildest risks and your life at stake. Why would it be any different this time? The Gaiaithra triclops always looked out for him…right? – “Aventurine…”

The cold metal shackles on your body hurt. Every limb is cuffed and chained tightly to prevent your escape. Despite the painful aching that sets in your body, you call out for Aventurine whose face appears on the phone screen in front of you. In contrast to the cold dark dimly lit room, his face is bright, like an angel that has come to your aid. The salty tears that flow from your eyes sting the fresh slashes on your cheeks adding to your agony. You struggle in your sleep-deprived state to keep your eyes open and see him clearly. Your throat burns and you don't remember the last time you drank water.

“Hello sweetheart- W-what happened to you?!”

You hear the horror in his voice as he stares at you, trying to make sense of your horrible state. Seeing his face brings you a strange amount of comfort and you try to smile but fail. There is so much you want to say but no words leave your mouth as you gasp for air.

“My lucky charm?”

You sob harder upon hearing his term of endearment for you. Your heart aches so badly and you want to run far away from this place into his arms but alas, you are chained and doomed to be imprisoned here.

“Your lucky charm isn’t so lucky is she? She won’t be able to answer you anytime soon, Aventurine from the strategic investment department of the IPC.”

The man who is holding your phone in front of you speaks with a cold monotonous voice. There is an evil grin on his face and you know he has no remorse for you based on the way he glares at you. Aventurine cannot see the man which further agitates him.

“Coward. It is impolite to talk to someone without showing your face to them, don’t you think?”

“It is more impolite to infiltrate our territory on the premises of mutual respect.”

Another man who is responsible for keeping you restrained pulls onto your chains and you shriek in pain at how your body is practically dragged across the floor. Like a plastic bag that is sucked into the currents of the wind.

“Urgh!”

You wince at the impact as your limbs scrape against the cold metal floor like cheese on a grater. When the man finally stops dragging you, he harshly tugs on the chain around your neck which makes you choke in pain.

“You! How dare you touch her, you bastard!”

Aventurine’s yelling rings in the room. You cannot see his face anymore as you’ve been pulled to the other side of the room but you can see your bright phone screen and your gaze remains fixated on it, as if your lover would step out of the phone and come save you.

“Don’t worry, we won’t touch her. We do not need to do so. Take a good look around this room.”

The man stands up and shows Aventurine around the room as if they were two old friends on a video call. He continues to grin as he points to various things in the room.

“Notice how we aren’t in the headquarters where you left your girl?”

“I do not have time for your games. What have you done to her?!”

The man completely ignores the question and continues to ramble despite the anger and frustration on Aventurine’s face.

“See that giant crate over there? And there? Those are our newly made explosives. Guess who is the lucky subject we are testing it out on?”

His laugh echoes in the room and your heart drops. You frantically look around and realise there are four of those crates in each corner of the room. And it just so happens one of those crates is right above your head. Panic sets in and you struggle against your chains which makes the man holding your chains tug on it harshly. You inhale sharply at the action and choke.

“Do you have any idea what will happen to you if the IPC finds you?”

Aventurine warningly questions, to which the man just laughs.

“We are ten steps ahead of the IPC. You can try, but you will never find us.”

Then he looks at you and chuckles.

“Or well, more precisely, even if you find us, you will never find your girl.”

His eyes narrow as he watches you shift uncomfortably in your chains. Then he flips the phone around to show Aventurine your dreadful state.

“After this phone call, she will simply cease to exist, Aventurine. You should have thought carefully before playing the Herald like this.”

“You son of a-”

Click.

The phone call ends and the two men in the room look at you. Neither says a word as the expression on their faces is enough: this was the end. your end. Your phone buzzes continuously in the man's hands and he scoffs at the caller ID before throwing the device towards you. Like a maniac, you attempt to catch the phone but unfortunately, your hands are tied which makes the device land on the floor shattering the screen. You try to drag the phone closer using your face, sobbing heavily as you see Aventurine’s name on the screen.

The men howl at your helplessness and proceed to walk away from the room, making sure your chains are tied to the wall first before doing so. The door closes with a loud bang and silence falls, making you shake in fear. You look at your constantly buzzing phone and attempt to accept the video call, struggling to unlock the phone in your tied-up state.

In what feels like forever you finally manage to accept the video call, huffing and withering in pain from your constant attempts. Aventurine’s face pops on the screen and your last few remaining tears drip on your phone.

“A-aven-”

Nothing but harsh chokes come out of your mouth as you try to call for him.

“I am on my way my love, hang on!”

You sob quietly as you watch him get on the aircraft, throwing around orders to his subordinates while simultaneously keeping an eye on you.

“I will find you. I will save you. Stay with me.”

A small smile creeps on your face as he speaks with conviction and you nod your head as if accepting what he was saying. However, a part of you knows that this is the end, that this is where you must part. As if to confirm your cruel destiny, the timers on all four explosive crates start to go off one by one, filling the room with an ominous sound. With wide eyes, you look around the room and then back at Aventurine.

“My love?”

You aggressively shake your head and gasp for air from the lack of oxygen in the room. The timers on the crates only get more jarring and cold sweat drips down the side of your face. With the last remaining energy you have left in you, you look up at the crater that’s hanging right above your head.

60 seconds.

A harsh choke leaves your throat and you try to show Aventurine the timer. When his gaze lands on it, he freezes.

“No, no!”

You hear him yelling more orders to everyone, asking the officers to locate you faster, asking the pilot to increase his speed but you know it’s not going to suffice.

35 seconds.

“A-aven…! A-Aven…turine…!”

You desperately try to get his attention in your final moments.

“Yes, yes my love?!”

He is completely facing you now as he replies to you. The deep frown and his heavy breathing tells you all you need to know; he is worried sick for you. You take this opportunity to mentally trace his features and take him in for one last time.

14 seconds.

“I…love…you…”

You choke out with all the power you have left in you. The timer gets increasingly louder as if signalling your demise.

“Stay with me! I’m almost there!”

7 seconds.

“I…love…you…Aven…”

The last of his name is lost in the constant beeping of the crates before it all explodes one by one like fireworks. You remember staring at his face lovingly as the last tear in your eye rolls down your face and the explosion hits you. Every inch of your body burns before silence falls and eternity sets in. — He’s been clenching his fist since the moment he picked up the phone call. The amount of outrage, anger and pain in his body is unexplainable. There is nothing more he wishes to do than to beat those men into pulp and carry you back home in his arms, safe and sound.

He has no idea how things turn out like this. Every single detail of this plan was meticulously calculated and designed to ensure nothing would happen to you. You both had gone over all the possible outcomes and devised escape plans but this, what he was seeing on the screen, was not one of them.

His head is pounding as he thinks of Lilac. He thinks of how she had gone through something very similar and how he was a split second late to save her. The fear that sets into his body is one he cannot explain as he feels his throat close up and his heart rate spike. No, no. He wasn’t going to relive that situation again. He wasn’t going to let you leave him too.

Everything is a blur as he rushes to board his aircraft and issues orders to his team. He tightly grips his phone as he keeps watching you, making sure you’re alive. Inova-XI wasn’t very far from the IPC, surely he would make it in a minimum of 10 minutes? And with the amount of brainpower his team had, he was certain he could locate you on his way there and save you.

All or nothing right? All or nothing. He had to give it his all if he wanted you back. His lucky charm. His goodluck. His royal flush. His future and forever. He was the blessed child, Kakavesha of the gaiaithra triclops. Nothing would happen to him. He wouldn’t lose anymore bets.

But all that hope goes out the window the moment he sees the countdown you struggle to show him.

60 seconds.

His heart drops. He looks at the tablet in front of him and he feels his blood go cold. 5 minutes left until the destination. 300 seconds to land on the planet. Not even save you.

“No, no!”

He screams. He yells more orders to everyone, asking the officers to locate you faster, asking the pilot to increase his speed, to just do something to get to you faster.

But deep down he knows it’s not going to suffice. He hyperventilates as he looks at you, who's struggling to call out his name. 

“Yes, yes my love?!”

He answers you rapidly, afraid that even a second away from his phone would make you disappear into thin air. He cannot bear to see your condition as it reminds him of his own days as a slave, chained and tortured to be a puppet at play. Yet he continues staring at you, watching your face over and over knowing this would be the last time he sees you.

I…love…you…”

He swears if it weren’t for his duties he would burst out crying at your declaration. How he wishes he was hearing those words in a better circumstance, where you were safe and by his side, giggling and hugging him. As if things couldn’t get worse, he hears the timer get increasingly louder as if signalling your demise.

“Stay with me! I’m almost there!”

There is nothing else he can say except that. He looks at his tablet and clenches his teeth, fighting back angry tears as he looks outside the window. The planet is visible in his eyes but still so far away. He then looks back at you, eyes swirling with intense emotions of pure regret and pessimism.

“I…love…you…Aven…”

That’s the last thing he hears from you as the explosions go off and he loses signal.

“NO. NO NO NO!!!”

His subordinates jump at the sight of him yelling. Never ever had anyone seen Aventurine in such a frenzy, yelling and punching the armrest over and over.

“No, she has to be alive-! No she has to-“

He breaks down completely, tugging on his hair and staring off into the distance with wide eyes, a look so distraught that his team is growing increasingly concerned.

He can’t breathe. There is not a single atom of oxygen that passes through his lungs and into his blood. His throat is on fire as it completely closes up, restricting him from any taste of air. The aggressive throbbing of his head makes him stumble and he gasps for air, very much like you had been, while clawing his nails into his chair.

He doesn’t remember how he manages to stay alive for the next few minutes. He remembers screaming more orders and then falling to his knees on the floor. It is only when the aircraft halts and his assistant quickly helps him up does he recover to some extent. — His legs feel heavy as he walks towards your room of imprisonment. Or well, what it was. There is nothing left on the land except a massive hole in the ground implying that there was a structure there. Even in the severity of the explosion, he spots some chains left on the ground and upon getting closer-

“L-lucky charm..?”

-he sees a dead body slump on the floor, lying in a cradle position. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that’s you.

He falls to the floor as his legs give out from the realisation. Like a child, he crawls towards you, sobbing and heaving as he gets closer. He doesn’t care how undignified he looks, how his lavish bright attire is now covered in ashes and dust, how his hands sting from the stones puncturing his palms…he drags himself towards you with every fibre of his being.

“Sweetheart…my lucky charm…”

He calls for you over and over as he gently takes hold of your body, crying aggressively to the point his tears disfigure your already damaged body in his vision. The explosion has blown off a decent amount of your limbs, and the only thing that’s passably recognisable is your face. He is completely shaken by how you look, unable to believe this is what has happened to you.

He stays there in the ashes and dust with you, letting the smoke of the explosion completely suffocate him while he caresses your face. The anger that brims in his heart is subdued by the sheer amount of grief he feels. There is nothing left for him to do or say yet he mumbles your name continuously as if it is the very reason he can breathe.

“What will I do without you my love? Who will be my lucky charm now?”

He hangs his head as he continues to cry heavily, completely admitting defeat. His subordinates watch from a distance, turning their faces away at one point as they are unable to bear seeing this leader like this. No one disturbs him and no one has the heart to either, for their leader lost the very beat of his heart.

“Gaiathra triclops…you promised to protect me, then why, why couldn’t you protect my love?! Have you destined me to have a life of loneliness as I watch everyone I love die?!?”

His agony is lost to the winds. When Lilac died, he vowed to never gamble with his partner again. And now with you, with you gone, he vowed to never love again. In the gamble of life, he would always lose his love. Life was a grand gamble and when it came to being loved, he was the destined loser. ⋇⋆✦⋆⋇ ©mm-lurking 2024 do not copy, steal or reuse my work.

[it-happened-one-fic]

Unfulfilled Aspirations - Halfdan

Author's Notes: This fic is actually really old. It's just been sitting in my documents for a while since I was debating about whether to post it or not. I finally decided to but, heads up, it's angsty and there is not comfort ending. I listened to the song "Unfulfilled Aspirations" from the Genshin Impact OST while I wrote this so that's probably one of the reasons for the generally sad nature of this fic. Also, Reader is a royal of Khaenr'iah. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this fic despite the angst.

Type: Angst (no comfort)/Romance/Reader is royalty/gender neutral reader

Word Count: 1035

I kicked my feet slightly, looking out at the veritable field of Intevyats. Our national flower. 

My national flower…..

Usually, they were a sight that brought me joy as they were one of my favorite flowers. Fitting as the princess of this country. But now they only served to assist me in exacerbating my sorrow. 

Perhaps I was like these flowers that would turn to stone if they were taken from this land.

I knew that I would not, in reality, turn to stone when I left. But I felt certain that my emotions and heart would fossilize and turn cold with my departure to a foreign land.

Childishly, I had never truly taken the time to realize that I would be married off to some man in a far away land and forced to leave my home. In some small way, I’d known it would happen. But for reasons unknown, I had never prepared myself and I certainly hadn’t expected to happen so suddenly.

Mother had said I ought to be excited. As a royal of Khaenr’iah, I’d never been allowed to travel. And in a way she was right. That would be the case for most people in the position of royalty, chained to a single country.

 But the truth was, I’d never wanted to leave this land. I was happy here and had never yearned for anything outside of the borders. And once I left, I would always yearn for what I was being forced to leave behind.

Father had said my marriage would be for the good of all of Khaenr’iah, but I wasn’t sure that he was right. After all, he was also planning to challenge Celestia, who had never truly bothered us, for the ‘good’ of Khaenr’iah.

 He might be able to fool the common folk with the idea that the army of field tillers were merely a protective measure, but I knew otherwise.

Why build up an army grand enough to challenge the heavens themselves if that wasn’t the very thing he was planning on doing?

“Your Highness….” I turned to see Dainsleif, my ever stoic guard. One of my few true allies in this situation. But the Twilight Blade wasn’t alone. The person who stood behind him almost immediately brought tears to my eyes. 

I hadn’t gotten to see him since my upcoming marriage had been announced and I’d feared it would remain that way up until the very day I left.

“Halfdan….” I couldn’t even say his name aloud, instead it came out as more of a breath. I practically leapt to my feet, fully prepared to rush over to the man who’d laid claim on my heart many, many years ago. But I restrained myself.

My eyes darted over to Dain’s blue ones and the slightest of smiles crossed the man’s face, “Go ahead, I’ll make sure no one sees either of you.” His promise was all I needed and I didn’t hesitate to throw myself into Halfdan’s arms. Dain had already turned and stepped out the lone door that led to this balcony, closing it quietly as he granted us a small amount of privacy.

“I didn’t think I’d get to see you…” I trailed off, leaning back to look into his sorrowful eyes, the very same color as the gems that decorated my tiara.

A sad smile crossed his face as he reached up, gently wiping tears from my eyes. Ever determined to comfort me even though I knew he was just as crushed as I was. 

Loving him, my Mother had told me, was a foolish choice. But little did she know I’d hardly had a say in the matter. And even if I had, I couldn’t say I would have chosen a different path.

I’d even gone so far as to do my best to hide our relationship from my parents, but they had discovered it and my betrothal had occurred all too soon after words.

 Since then, Dainsleif had become one of my greatest allies. In fact, he was the one who warned me of the marriage talks in the first place.

I would never forget that day, not too long ago, when he came to me wearing a dark expression and told me what he’d overheard as he stood guard outside the meeting room. The first news of my upcoming wedding.

I scanned Halfdan’s face, finding sorrow that mirrored my own there. But Halfdan, ever gentle and ever sweet, simply rubbed my back soothingly. 

Even though he no doubt wanted to cry just as I did, he restrained himself on my behalf and did his best to comfort me, “Don’t cry, Love; it’ll be alright. You’ll be well cared for and live up to the King and Queen’s aspirations.”

 I let out a bitter laugh at his words, pressing my face into his shoulder, not wanting to face reality, “And what about my aspirations… Will they go unfulfilled?”

 I pulled back, cupping his face in my hands as I studied him, possibly for the last time. His face was one I would never forget.

Mother and Father had both done their best to separate us. For the sake of the marriage and to lessen the pain of separation they said. In reality, I wanted nothing more than to spend every last second I had here beside him. A truth he knew well.

“All I ever longed for in life was to be yours Halfdan…. But it seems it shall not be,” My voice cracked slightly and I let him pull me back into a tight embrace. 

There was nothing to be said that hadn’t already been put into words. Now there was only silence. It pained me that our last shared memory would be one so filled with pain. But it was either this, or nothing.

Through the door I could hear hissed whispers, Dain was no longer alone. His friend, the golden-haired traveler, had come to help him keep his vigilant watch, “She shouldn’t have to go away. They love each other!”

Dain’s voice was solemn and bitter, but he spoke the truth when he responded, “I know…. But there is nothing to be done. Y/n leaves tomorrow.”

[syrenblubs]

sick day (nanami kento x reader)

a/n: HI I AM A SUCKER FOR SOFT AND DOMESTIC NANAMI OKAY no but fr im on a huge nanami brainrot rn (along with my fushiguro one) so expect me to be writing a lot of random jjk shit, even though i don’t rly know if i want to officially start writing for it yet.

this had such a good start and then i lowkey bsed the ending im sorry

word count: 822

the end of the day was approaching. the sound of his footsteps rang throughout the hallways of the housing complex. picking up the pace, nanami reached the front of his apartment. ensuring that your peace isn't interrupted, he slowly opened the door and brings himself in. taking off his shoes, he walked farther in, passing by the kitchen before entering yours and his shared bedroom. carefully opening the door once again, he saw you in the same spot of the bed you had been in prior to when he left for work, now in a fetal position with a blanket wrapped around your body. as he took a seat next to you and examined your features, his usually serious and cold expression faltered into a soft, more vulnerable one, filled with worry. he wasn't meant to be out for so long, only planning to stay at work long enough to attend the monthly mandatory staff meeting. however, he, along with gojo, got winded up in a mission with the first years. thankfully, the students were able to handle it on their own, and the task had been completed successfully.

judging by how you were still in the same position of the bed as you were this morning, he suspected that you hadn't woken up since he left, increasing his concern for your health. bringing his hand to your forehead, he stroked your hair, feeling the sweat that had accumulated throughout the day. your body felt cold to his touch, as you shivered through the covers. he figured that you had been running on a fever, and a damp headcloth would help. exiting the bedroom, he went over to the closet to find a mini towel and rinsed it with cold water in the bathroom. reentering the bedroom, he placed the wet cloth on your head. heading into the kitchen, he takes out ingredients from the fridge and various cabinets to prepare a bowl of chicken soup, since he assumed you hadn't eaten all day. in the midst of chopping carrots, he heard the sound of feet being dragged on the hard flooring. looking up from the cutting board, he is startled by your presence. you stood there sniffling, still encapsulated in your blanket. in a slight panic, he came over to your side and brought you to the couch, where you laid in silence, as he continued to cook.

"you should've told me you woke up and stayed in bed y/n," nanami began, "i was getting worried."

you grumbled in response, unable to form a coherent sentence due to the immense pain from your throat. because of this, no other words were exchanged.

over the years of your relationship with him, he's grown to be more open about his feelings. he learned the hard way that bottling up his emotions and thoughts was only going to lead to conflict and distrust. he didn't show this type of behavior to just anyone though, as it's mainly exclusively for you. he believes it's what separates you from other people in his life, with you being the person he can rely upon without being judged.

once the soup was ready to be served, he poured a portion of it into a bowl and brought it to the couch, along with some medicine and a glass of water, in a small tray. helping you sit up, you looked over at the bowl and gave him a slight nod, signaling that you were okay with eating. it wasn't like he wasn't going to force you to eat even if you didn't want to.

the spoon began to shake in your hand, as you brought it to your mouth. repeating this, you struggled to finish the meal due to the amount of soup spilling on your clothes from the hand tremor. noticing this, nanami took over, taking the spoon from your hand and feeding you. as much as you wanted to laugh at him for being so cute, the current state of your body would not allow you to do such, rendering you unable to tease him.

after eating, he gave you the pills and water glass from the tray and took the bowl back to the kitchen. though you were reluctant to ingesting the given pills, you knew nanami wasn't going to budge as far as your health was concerned. you also did really want to get rid of the pain you were enduring, and you knew the pills would help.

by the time you finished gulping down your water, nanami had already returned to your side. seeing your exhausted face, he attempted to help you go back to sleep. he patted on his leg to let you rest your head on it. turning on the tv and keeping the volume to a minimum, he began to rub your back with his hand, easing you into a quiet slumber, and bringing a relieving smile to his face.

[rottingflovver]

Random relationship headcanons for the Decay of Angels boys!!

I love my evil husbands, enjoy this trainwreck

Fyodor Dostoevsky 🐁

Oh God. He smells like…a sewer rat

I'm not even joking like he probably smells unpleasant (not to the point where it's noticeable tho, only if you're really close to him)

If he's feeling fancy he'll throw on some cologne but don't bet on it

Hair is also really greasy

He scarcely eats but he's a big fan of sweet food (think ice cream and baked stuff) and trad. Russian food

Please for the love of God force this man to eat

He'll forget to eat + drink on a daily basis because he gets so caught up in work, how is he even still alive

Did I mention he also doesn't sleep

HOW is he canonically one of the smartest people yet he does stuff like this fr

If he trusts you (Lord knows how you'll achieve that) and he's tired (as per usual) he won't be opposed to the thought of just downright collapsing onto you

You'll rarely see this man anyhow, but when you do he'll just be sleeping

What a great boyfriend am I right (It's okay he needs the rest, plus patting his hair as he sleeps is kinda nice)

I believe his favorite places to have dates at are his or your apartment

Away from the public eye; just the two of you, alone

He can play his cello for you!

He'd encourage you to try it out as well, but you'd be so terror stricken by the thought of what he'd do to you if you broke it somehow that you just...would rather pass

I doubt he'd ever actually hurt you tho; yes, he's extremely distrustful and arguably heartless, but if you haven't done anything to insinuate you want to betray him…he'll be tame

Also, did I MENTION how cold he is

Maybe that's why he wears winter clothes in such warm weather ㅡ cuz otherwise he'd just freeze to death

Warm him up pls

Although he's not used to just casual physical contact so when you start holding his hands to warm them up he'll look at you like "??? Do you want to die??"

Once you explain it to him he's like "Oh"

His giant ego won't let him express it but know that he appreciates it

Also, this is a given, but Fyodor is extremely manipulative so you'll never really be sure if his feelings are sincere or not

Nikolai Gogol 🤡

I had to Google "what do clowns smell like" for this aye-

The answer: apparently cabbages and cotton candy

I really like that idea so I'm sticking with it xhsjhx, Nikolai smells like either cabbages or cotton candy; no in-between

Loves piroshki!!! Any kind!!! For reference; piroshki are small boat-shaped buns which can be both sweet and savory, as it depends on the filling (most common fillings include: ground meat, mashed potato, mushrooms, boiled egg with scallions, or cabbage. Typical sweet fillings are fruit (apple, cherry, apricot, lemon), jam, or quark)

Why did I just give a small piroshki lesson

Anyhow, yes, that's his favorite food so pls buy a lot of them for him (if you make them yourself he'll be so deeply touched, but be careful, he tends to see positive emotions towards someone as brainwashing)

Is he a bad cook??? Is he a good cook??? Does he just simply steal everything via coat and make it seem like he's the one that made it?? We don't know

His favorite places to have dates at are carnivals or theaters

He loves theaters so much omg

I have a feeling that if you told him he'd make a great actor he'd just evaporate out of joy

And he WOULD make a great one tho?? This man got talent

I'd imagine you're pretty much the only person he would ever open up to regarding the insane amount of guilt he feels

(Yet again, be careful, he's very unpredictable when it comes to people he grows fond of)

Do comfort him if he ever breaks down tho, please

Sleeping together? With this man? It's a wild experience

He moves around so much

He's also prone to night terrors (like I said, insane amounts of guilt) so if he ever stops moving you should probably wake him up, cuz that's a nightmare so horrible he just froze in place

Give him hug

Sigma 🎲

Sigma smells nice no cap

It's a mix of lavender and mint

Don't ask how that works it just does

I think he'd be the type to like any kind of food as long as it's lovingly made

He has no standards but at the same time he has extremely strict standards y'know

There's nothing specific he likes but if he likes it then he Likes It

He gets called a rock musician and people say he looks "alternative" when he's literally walking around in a suit but I digress

He'd let you do his makeup

I'd say he'd even encourage it

(Give him a punk rock alternative makeover lmao)

Also, to no one's surprise, his favorite place to have dates at is the Sky Casino

It's his home! He's proud of it!!

Please be proud of him as well it would mean the world to him

He's so cheesy, he'll stay stuff like "I feel most at peace with you, you are my home", and then get super embarrassed

If you smile fondly at him and say you like him just the way he is, cheesy remarks and all, you will be charged with murder because this man will DIE

He's so confused when it comes to a lot of stuff

Like he once asked "is interesting an emotion" and NO ONE answered him (poor bb :() but like be prepared for a lot of questions like that

Take your time and explain it to him, he'll be so grateful

Ngl, out of these 3, he's the best option bc he's not unreachable (cough cough Fyodor) and doesn't strive for emotional freedom so much that he'd kill whoever he grows attached to (cough cough Nikolai)

Soft husband

A little bit clingy but can you really blame him

Just be there for him, it'll be alright

Ivan Goncharov (bonus!) 🤕

He's in the Rat House not the DOA but I wanted to include him

(We stan Ivan in this house)

He's completely devoted to Fyodor

Idk how you'd ever even strike a conversation with him given he's constantly by the rat man's side

I'd imagine you'd have to be either a past friend (which I doubt he'd welcome) or an underling of Fyodor as well

Either way, please be kind to him

I think his devotion to Fyodor is a LITTLE bit unhealthy so if possible just draaag him away from that (will be very difficult to do)

He smells nice, like an expensive brand of shampoo and conditioner

I'd imagine his hair is really soft too, he'll gladly let you play with it

Braid it!! He'll look so pretty!!

BE GENTLE with the wound on his head, Fyodor isn't a professional surgeon, so even though the incision itself was a success he didn't really patch it up correctly

Just be gentle with it, if possible, take him to the hospital to get it checked out

He loves classical music!!

Expect to hear that playing in the background a lot

If you start helping him with the chores (like making tea and cleaning) at first he'll think of it as an insult to his ability, but after a while it'll grow on him

He'll learn to appreciate the little things

If you have any kind of favorite dish; he'll be frequently making just that

Likewise, if you ever request for something different, you'll get it made perfectly, just for you

A good, happy boye, deserves better

[bitchiha]

i need some fluff huhu. can i have naruto with mom reader hc or imagines? thank u 😍

A/N: ive never done anything like this before but I like this idea 10/10

Also special credit / mention to @softnaruto because we talked about some of these ideas but w Iruka not a mother figure lol

✎ Being Narutos Mother Figure *sparkles but they’re on fire bc this is chaotic*

Overall, before I get into the details, I’d say this is a very chaotic task lol. You’re probably half dead after dealing w his ass for so long, but seeing this boy that you thought of as your own son grow up before your eyes is so rewarding. It’s great, so wholesome 100/10.

You and Iruka definitely co-parent

Naruto would be constantly protecting you from Jiraiya. Like he doesn’t want the man near you. Runs over to you whenever Jiraiya is nearby and starts screaming “Missus Y/N, run! Pervy Sage is here, I’m doing you a favour, believe it!” No but in all seriousness, take Narutos advice because I know Pervy Sage is tryna hit it.

You end up having to talk to Jiraiya eventually though because you need to know what’s going on with Naruto and the Akatsuki and what you can do to help. Naruto will watch over the interactions like a hawk. Will whip a chopstick at Jiraiya if he tries anything on you, “Back it up pervy Sage! I said three meters apart, there’s no excuse!” So you’d have to meet eachother in secret because you won’t be able to discuss much when the blondies around.

Also, the amount of times you’ve chased his ass around the village after he got into some major trouble is too many times to count. He’s running as fast as he can away from you because he knows you’re gonna whoop his ass lol. Probably even uses his shadow clones, but you know better than to fall for those stupid tricks. No but fr, it’s a really good workout tbh you probably ran a marathon.

You treat him to ramen whenever he comes back from a mission. Sometimes Iruka comes along as well and you both alternate who pays the bill. Naruto always challenges you to a ramen eating competition. Luckily Iruka is there to hold you two back because he knows neither of you are financially stable enough to endure that damage to your wallets.

Literally everyone; Konoha 11, kakashi, iruka, Jiraiya, Tsunade, etc... always threaten Naruto by saying that they’ll tell y/n he’s not cooperating. It works like a charm everytime. There’s no way he wants to hear you lecture him for a good 2 hours. He’d rather get rasenganed into the face than listen to your horrible attempts at being wise.

You always ruffle Narutos hair when you see him. It’s like your signature sign of affection. You also call him “kid” all the time or “youngster” even though you’re like the same age as Kakashi and therefore not old yourself.

He calls you miss. He sometimes calls you Aunty y/n. Refuses to just call you y/n because he wants to be respectful, he looks up to you as a figure of guidance no matter how much he’ll deny it. So no matter how many times you tell him not to call you miss, he will.

Lots of walks! Like you’ll wait for him with Iruka at the village gate when Narutos supposed to return from a mission. It’s like parents picking up their kid from a field trip aweeee. You’ll pack some snacks for the three of you and he fills you in on his missions. He’ll always be like, “Awe no way! Thanks Missus Y/N. You’re the best!” When you give him all the food you packed.

He always comes to you for advice or to rant to you about Sasuke, Sai, Sakura and literally all the other Konoha 11. Lol, but he will rant about you to Iruka and Jiraiya all the time, little does he know you do the same.

Would purposely set you into mama bear mode on Sai for his own amusement. Like he just gets a kick out of watching you confront Sai about calling Naruto some absurd obscenity and watch poor Sai just stand there like: (°_°) lol what do I do? Naruto is snickering behind a tree because he just made that all up. Yamato probably has to intervene when he sees it. Will have to woodstyle justu you when he realizes you’re in mama bear mode.

Hes such a troublesome rat. You love him though. He’s your troublesome rat-son.

Naruto is used to you being hot headed like Tsunade when he gets into trouble, but if you ever take the disappointed route instead, he will cry lol. Like he hates that you’re actually disappointed with him, he didn’t mean to trick you into yelling at Sai, please forgive him.

All celebrations are done with Kakashi, Iruka, Naruto and yourself. Since you all don’t really have any real family to celebrate with, you’ve made your own. It’s so chaotic tho lol.

These events are always ‘surprises for Naruto’ so the cooking is up to you and Kakashi, but Kakashi is so fast at cooking he doesn’t even let you do anything. You have to physically stop him so you could do some of the work. Meanwhile Iruka sets up decorations for the event and he’s probably singing festive songs LOOL. Plus he can’t sing so it’s an extra headache ontop of you yelling at Kakashi to let you do some work.

Then you all surprise Naruto with your half burnt food (while you were fighting the food most definitely lit on fire) and extremely cheesy decorations. Oddly Iruka even decorated the floor. Like wtf. Anyways, Naruto doesn’t really care about how bad it actually was, he was just happy to have people around him that cared enough to invite him to a celebration.

The food is inedible so you go to Ichirakus instead and somehow persuade Iruka into paying for all four of you <3 this happens every holiday so he ends up just saving his money in preparation for it.

Naruto tries to be a matchmaker for you LMFAO. He tries to get you and Iruka together which ends so awkwardly omg, then he’ll try and get you and kakashi together which was even more awkward and DONT get me started on Yamato omg.. He was so nervous he just stared at you the whole time like a googley eyed tree frog or something. Each time you catch onto Naruros little Cupid schemes you tell him to buzz off and that you’re not interested, but he doesn’t listen.

Your other holiday celebrations may be badly executed, but you actually host the best birthdays for him!! You pair up with Tsunade, Shizune, Kakashi, Iruka and Sakura to throw him really memorable birthdays. They may not make up for all the ones he missed celebrations for already, but you do your best to make these extra memorable.

At the end of the night after every birthday party, you walk him home and pat his shoulder sadly talking about how he’s growing up so fast. You probably end up crying because you're sad the little doofus is maturing somewhat. You tell him that and he laughs. Once you’re at his apartment door he’ll grin tiredly and give you a big hug. “Thanks again, aunty y/n.” You probably cry again on the way home bc he actually hugged you. That’s so sentimental omg. That is roughly about what happens every single birthday.

For your birthdays he treats you to ramen and gets you some weird kitchen gadget or something. Figures you’re an adult and they probably need these things. You don't, but you appreciate the gift anyway. 

He buys you flowers every Mother’s Day. It makes you so emotional. You definitely cry. “Awe missus y/n! Not again. You’re so emotional.” He probably starts crying too though lol.

It breaks his heart to see you cry omg. Poor baby is like a lost puppy when you cry. Like not you’re over exaggerated crying, but your said painful crying. Once, after hearing some distressing news about the Akatsuki, you just break down. Naruto has become a son to you after all and you want to protect him so badly, but how can you do that when you’re up against powerful rouge ninjas? You cried in front of him for the when you two were having your weekly dinners at your place, all the sudden you just burst out crying and it hurt him so much because he knew it was because you were so worried about him.

Honestly, he probably ruffles your hair —like you do to him — in attempt to cheer you up. “It’s okay, Aunty y/n. I’ll take care of it, everything will be okay, believe it!”

Oh yah also, speaking of weekly dinners! You guys definitely get together at least once a month or if it’s a good time, once a week to have dinner. We all know Naruto only survives on ramen, so you try and cook him healthy food, but my god he resists so hard. Then you give him that warning look and he chows down that salad so fast lol.

It would be 10/10 he's a great kid

[scattered--pages]

For the Lukanette lyrical prompt: "And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't/So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my road/And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope/It's a shot in the dark and right at my throat", cause Florence is love

Notes: Ummm, so, I love you?! Because Florence really is love and omg this song ♡ Thank you heaps for this prompt, dear!!

Send me lyrics as a prompt for a Lukanette ficlet or a drabble? ♡

 ________________________________________________________

Shake It Out

Rating: Teen+

Word count: 2759 (okay, whoops, this ended up being longer than I planned  ♡)

_________________________________________________________

About a year and a half has passed since Marinette has received the humbling, but painfully difficult task of being the Guardian of all the Miraculous. It was a role that was exhilarating, beyond exciting, a chance to grow like none other before and it ended up brining far more positive things along than she thought it ever would. However – after a very good start and after almost a year of handling everything somewhat well, Marinette got tired. Stressed. And afraid. And so, this also brought far more negative effects in ways she didn’t really even imagine initially.

Of course, the ever-rising thought of her making a wrong mistake, a bad choice, a slip-up with consequences far too grave and any or all of these resulting in the doom of entire Paris or the fate of the Miraculous, but the consequences she failed to predict were the ones affecting her personal life. Marinette’s life, not that of Ladybug.

 And there were truly moments where the line between the two faded. Where she was suddenly skipping school or being late so much and so often that it reached the level where the principle had to alert her parents and she almost got expelled, all the while being horrified and desperate in finding ways to justify her actions because, of course, she couldn’t say the truth. She could never say the truth about this. Or the time when each new threat arising in the city due to the re-empowered Hawkmoth/Mayura team started suddenly bubbling up so much internal pressure for her that she was forced to find a way to first deal with her own genuine, painful and terrifying panic attacks before she could transform and deal with the actual attack taking place outside.

Or when the more outspoken and brave Ladybug overtook the typical ‘Marinette’ in certain situations of extreme emotional hurt or vulnerability, causing her to distance herself from a few friends of hers due to her growing either too withdrawn from them or, on the other side of this spectrum, to lash out suddenly in select moments of jealousy or even slight anger. Being a Miraculous Guardian at the tender age of now 16 was insanely challenging to say the least and even though this fact only started to truly catch up with her recently, it affected both her and those around her enough to cause an overwhelming amount of worry, anger and frustration from all sides. Except from one person.

And as she paced along the Seine nervously, back and fort, during what was supposed to be a calming walk for her, in her civilian form, this particular calming voice was what snapped her back from her over-thinking mind back to reality.

“Marinette?”

She jumped a bit, even though the voice didn’t really startle or scare her, as much as it simply surprised her.

“Luka? Wh-What are you doing here?”, she wrapped her arms around her, suddenly aware of the slight chill outside, her cardigan far too thin for an early spring evening by the river such as this one.

He smiled a sad, worried smile at this and proceeded to take his jacket off. “My home is right there, remember?”, he teased gently, nodding towards a boat a bit more downstream along the river’s flow as he pulled his jacket around her.

“Oh…!”, Marinette followed the direction with her gaze and her jaw dropped slightly. She didn’t realize she managed to pace back and forth and here and there for so long and so out of focus of reality that she managed to reach all the way to here without even realizing it. “But, n-no, no!”, she attempted to slowly shrug the jacket off, “You’re going to freeze!”, her hands reached to get it off and hand it back to Luka but by placing both of his won hands against her shoulders carefully but firmly with a teasing smile, he made any attempts of detaching said jacket from her body near impossible, to which she even frowned slightly, causing him to instantly chuckle and shake his head.

“I’ll be fine, even without the jacket, I’m wearing a sweater that’s even slightly too warm for my taste, and I’ll honestly feel worse if you freeze when I can do something to help that.”

She exhaled, her expression suddenly that of sorrowful, almost guilty confusion.

“Why are you still putting up with me?”

He simply shrugged, the playful hold on her shoulders easing as he stroke them with his thumbs gently. “Because I care. Because a lot of people care about you and it breaks my heart that you seem to not believe that.”

Her expression now remained the same, as well as the emotions it carried, save for the sad smile that she added to it slowly, her head tilting to the side a bit.

“Except, a) I’ve been horrible to everyone and about pretty much everything lately and b)…”, her gaze flickered to the side a few times, cheekbones reddening in a way that made her grateful for the fact that the streetlight reflecting from the water’s clear surface wasn’t that strong of a light source at all, “… you care about me… differently…”

“You know…”, Luka now returned her sad smile, only it carried a different background entirely, his eyes drifting to the floor while he started to slowly let go of her, “I’m an idiot because I… don’t think I even really asked you if you minded that…” He prepared to step back but, within a second, Marinette’s hands were on his, keeping them in place.

“No, no!”, she was surprised by how quickly and confidently she said that, but a much as it made her face feel like it was completely burning now, she didn’t take it back. “Luka, you… Know I dont.”

And true, he had a reason to believe so. They weren’t in a relationship or anything like that yet, like Kagami and Adrien or Nino and Alya were, not officially, but they were spending majority of their time together, in their civilian forms and, of course, unbeknownst to them, in their Miraculous forms as well. More than that, they grew incredibly close quite fast. To the point that now, almost a year since Marinette made a point to get over Adrien, Adrien was just a friend and an occasional fleeting painful sting at her heart, but the majority of her affection and her emotions were now finally allowed to belong to Luka. To the point that they have already had a couple of brief moments of weakness resulting in a kiss, but nothing more was said or done. And because of the latter fact, because it was nothing more, Luka didn’t dare to be convinced that this was a confirmation of anything or to push or prod, but this time, he felt he needed to push slightly in the opposite direction in order to prevent himself from pushing on in this one.

Still, even after her hands gripped his and she, very determinately, kept him close to her, he didn’t know how to react, instead only staying still for a second, followed up by a barely noticeable quiver of his lower lip as he opened his mouth to speak but found himself unable to. She noticed though.

Her broken smile widened slightly. “I’m… being selfish, actually. There’s this… someone, erm…”, she shook her head, trying desperately to remain as vague as possible, “ …something, taking over my life and my composure a lot for awhile now, very incresingly so, and vou’re the only thing keeping me grounded and sane lately and… always have been one of the few people making me feel safe and sure of myself and, at least due to this, I really don’t want to let you go…”

What she said was a partial lie, but for once, he didn’t catch it.

“So it’s…”, he took a breath and nodded firmly, more as a way to keep himself strong than anything else, “… just because of that…” Suddenly he made sure to quickly continue, “And I want you to know it’s perfectly fine if it is, I’ll still be your fr-”

“No…” It escaped Marinette’s lips without her control. But once again, she didn’t regret it or take it back. This newly found courage paired with an impaired capability of hiding her feelings at least had some good uses, it seemed. “No, it’s not just that.”

Stunned yet again, Luka stayed silent, looking back into her eyes, running her words in his head over and over again to make sure he understood them right this time until a melody reached them, played from a near-by cafe, catching his attention.

And when he looked back at her, he smiled again.

“That… something, that’s keeping you down… You never told me everything, so I’m sorry if I don’t always manage to make you feel better as best as I could…”, she was already prepared to counter him on this immediately, but he simply placed a finger against her lips, “… but there’s something I haven’t tried yet.”

Against his touch, her lips formed a small puzzled frown, which was a vision so beautiful and adorable to him that he could have kissed her right then and there and never let her go.

“You know, one of the best ways to get rid of a lot of negative emotions, expectations or fears…”, letting go of her, he moved away slightly and outstretched one of his hands, “…is dancing.” He cocked his head to the side, asking a question without words.

“Oh, nooo, n-no, no, no… I don’t dance, or to be more precise, I’m quite sure I can’t dance!”

“Everyone can dance”, he shrugged with a soft smile, “I’m not asking you to waltz with me or do the tango”, he grinned and she chuckled, “I’m just asking you to dance.”

She bit her lips, feeling a very slight hesitation… but took his hand, nonetheless.

“Okay…”, she smirked, “Teach me.”

Reciprocating her smirk, he took her hand and slowly pulled her closer until they started moving into almost a slow-dancing kind of way. He spun her around and then back into his arms and there was something about how easily and naturally he did that, something about that gorgeous crooked smile he was giving her, just inches from her face, that made Marinette feel incredibly warm and exhilarated in the way, she came to find, only he could make her feel. But they weren’t at the cool, calming ice rink now. And the breezy spring evening was suddenly not cold enough to keep her as in check as she wanted to keep herself whenever he did something that caused this beautiful, dizzy feeling to arise inside her that quickened her heart and breath.

But, for once, perhaps because she so desperately needed something like this, she didn’t want to fight getting lost in a moment like this one. She craved and needed the way he made her feel, safe and wild at the same time, feeling just secure enough to almost be able to let go completely. Marinette never felt like that. Marinette never acted like that. Not even as Ladybug, not even at the peaks of her confidence. But with him, it just happened. And normally, she would wonder over and over again in her head if he could somehow sense this, how he’s literally driving her crazy in a way, if he thought her to be a foolish, silly girl for letting him affect her this much, especially since she practically rejected him at first and since, ironically, she felt that all of these feelings became immensely obvious and accentuated after she removed any barriers that she once upon a time used to carefully set in front of the emotions that were steadily growing for him because she wanted them kept down and silenced for Adrien. But not now. She moved with him and laughed with him and let him sway and spin her in his arms and she could swear she never felt more alive.

It was a couple’s dance of sorts, the one that they were sharing, but it wasn’t defined by any specific set of steps or movements, more like a combination, actually. And that was the beauty of it, it was just defined by – them. And as the music picked up its tempo and volume slightly and she found herself dipped down in a way that perhaps started teasingly and playfully, she could feel her heart wanting to burst in warm sparks in her chest sparkling and spreading through her torso in a way she didn’t expect so suddenly. It felt like sparks flowing down her body and as it instinctively caused her to bite on her lower lip, she could have sworn that she felt his breathing hitch for a moment. Because the way he leaned over her, pulled her waist against his, much closer and tighter than at the ice rink, as he started to pull her slowly back up, eyes staring into each other without blinking, bodies close to the point she could feel the tempo of his breathing through the movements of his chest against her… It flipped some sort of a switch inside her. Everything has been so wrong and so irredeemable and so wrong lately, the pressure constantly dropped onto her shoulders unbearable and so strong that she was fully convinced she truly couldn’t handle it at all. But now, here, with him, like always, all of her feelings just floated to the surface. Or perhaps rushed, ran and instantly flooded to the surface would be a better description of what she was feeling when he leaned his shoulder down against her, breathing heavily, as two teal eyes peered right inside of her and made her melt. And, for once, Marinette was completely and entirely sure that at least for now, she was enough. She was strong. She was alive. Her skin was burning and the air flowing heavily through her lungs at a tempo she wasn’t used to felt like breathing for the first time in months. There was no way on Earth she was letting this go. There was no way in hell she was suppressing anything tonight. As a rebellion against Hawkmoth wanting to see her destroyed, against people who knew her and were ready to judge or leave her when she was clearly going through something akin to a nightmare, against any residual feelings for Adrien and against this whole nightmare as a whole – Marinette was going to grip paradise tonight, she’s going to be young, and free and hungry and loved and to hell with anything else.

She was fire and she wasn’t blushing or pulling back this time or looking away and still, still Luka was careful and doubtful, his gaze searching hers hopeful but confused. And somehow this, the heart and patience and kindness of the boy in her arms tipped her over the brink and without being able to even control or plan it, her lips crashed against his… And they stayed like that for a second, two, before his lips caressed against her lower lip in a way that caused less than a moment to transpire before her teeth grazed his upper lip with her next kiss, then her tongue, and when his tongue just barely brushed up against hers, her mind seemed to have swerved like she was intoxicated, because the next thing she realized was that her hand was tangled in his hair and grasping at his back, pulling him somehow even closer, closer against her, before he lifted her up, swiftly and effortlessly onto a small half-wall behind them and, oh, it made her want to never let him go. She gripped at the firm shape of the small of his back and one of his palms cupped her face, stroking her lip as he kissed it hungrily, the other running against her outer thigh and something between them must have been electric because they both shivered at the same time and chuckled sweetly against each other’s lips.

There was no care or thought left in her mind other than him. Her head, her heart and her body screamed only Luka. Luka. And only Luka.

Her home.

Her acceptance.

Her freedom.

[detectivedreameater]

It Takes A Steady Hand|| Anita and Marley

TIMING: Last Night PARTIES: @professoranieves and @detectivedreameater SUMMARY: There’s a metaphor in here somewhere but neither of them are thinking hard enough to figure it out. CONTENT WARNINGS: Slight NSFW (Kissing, touching), Gun use

Asking for help made Anita feel deeply uncomfortable. It wasn’t just because it made her feel vulnerable, but growing up her family was never big on relying on others. Anita was taught to do what she needed and if she couldn’t get it done on her own, then it wasn’t meant to happen for her. In the years since she left her family, it was only her. She had nobody she could even ask for something, even if she did need it. But then she decided to settle in this town, and despite her best efforts, she was slowly building connections with people. And not the light, fun, and very temporary ones she was used to. She was really not used to whatever was happening with Marley. They had spent an unnerving amount of time together, much of it while fully clothed. Something about it didn’t feel right, but something else about it… did? She didn’t have time to unpack that, nor did she want to. 

Anita made her way to the shooting range. Her hands would probably be clammy, if she were capable of sweating. This was becoming an odd trend, her feeling nervous when seeing Marley. Was it because of Marley or because of the situations they were far too often in? Either way, it wasn’t ideal. She pulled out her phone and sent Marley a message when she was out front, she didn’t feel like walking in there alone. “I’m out front. Almost here?” 

Normally, something like this was the perfect opportunity for Marley to score a nice “owed favor” from. But something had possessed her into typing the words “you don’t owe me” to Anita, and actually mean them. She didn’t want Anita to owe her. She didn’t want to scare Anita off. That thought alone scared Marley. She didn’t know why, on either account, but it was too late to put it back where it came from. Only thing to do now was ignore it. She’d arrived at the shooting range long before she knew Anita would be there, and kicked back in her car. Her arm was still in the sling, but she’d popped enough pain killers that it wasn’t hurting at the moment. Probably another week and she’d be able to start moving it. Over the years, she’d gotten good at gauging how fast her injuries healed, considering she couldn’t go to a hospital.  Or wouldn’t. At this point, it was the same thing. 

Her phone beeped and Marley glanced down. Anita. She hopped out of her car quickly and glanced around, immediately spotting her vehicle and waltzing over, putting all the funny thoughts she’d had on her mind away and replaced them with a coy, but welcoming, smile. Knocked on her window and waved. “Your escort has arrived,” she said through the glass.

Anita jumped a bit when Marley knocked on her window. Ever since coming face to face with that mime double, Anita had been severely on edge. Hell, it was the first time in years that her nightmares were about something other than Priya. Despite that, she smiled when she saw Marley. And it wasn't a forced smile? Anita got out of her car and went to hug Marley, then stopped herself and instead just patted her awkwardly on the shoulder. “So, uh, what happened with the arm?” She asked as she started walking towards the building, trying to move along from whatever she just did. “Work related? Do you get extra pay if you get hurt on the job?”

Marley glanced down at her arm when Anita mentioned it. “I told you, this was my gift from my encounter with someone else’s mime-sona.” She hadn’t missed Anita’s awkward attempt at recovering from an almost hug, or the way she’d jumped when Marley had knocked. “C’mon,” she said, motioning with her head towards the front, “let’s get inside.” She didn’t feel much like explaining how it happened, because Marley still wasn’t sure why she’d pushed Jane away. Why that strange feeling had strangled her when she’d watched Jane and her mime double fighting. When they reached the front, Marley held the door open. “Ladies first,” she motioned.

“Shit. Yeah, forgot about that. I mean, you could’ve been working when you encountered a mime?” Anita found it really odd, how somehow she felt a deep comfort being near Marley despite feeling an equally deep discomfort. It was likely what drew her in, what kept her going back no matter what her brain was telling her. “Why thank you.” She replied, walking into the building. Looking around it became quite clear that she was the only out of place person there. She touched a gun once, and couldn’t even work up the gut to shoot it in the face of danger. That wasn’t really the vibe anyone else here gave off. “So, how does this work? Do I need to sign like … release paperwork or something?”

“I wasn’t working,” Marley said, “I was just at a fr--” she paused, righted herself, “colleague’s house.” Anita looked wholly out of place here, but Marley scooped her arm around her and led her towards the counter, letting everyone there know she was with her. No one would dare question or challenge it. Everyone there knew not to mess with Detective Stryder. “Yep, gotta do some quick paperwork. Liability reasons and stuff.” Smiling as they approached the counter, Marley showed her badge and the man behind the desk handed over some papers. “Nothing too serious, don’t worry. You’re safe with me,” she said, subconsciously repeated her words from their last night together.

Anita chose not to dig deeper into the ‘almost calling someone a friend then immediately taking it back’ thing, mostly because she knew that trick all too well. “Well, having been in a mime situation with you before, your colleague was lucky to have you there.” An ease spread through her body as she felt Marley’s arm around her. It was like a security blanket. Anita smiled softly over at Marley, feeling a little bit more comfortable being there now. “Right. Liability. The insurance on a place like this must be through the roof.” Anita very briefly skimmed over the documents that were handed to her before scribbling her signature down at the bottom and initialing a few boxes. “Yeah, uh, that’s becoming pretty apparent,” she replied, not really making eye contact with that one but still oddly meaning the words. She slid the signed documents back to the clerk, then looked around at the place once more before turning her attention towards Marley. “Alright, let’s do this.”

Marley chose not to mention that Jane was a cop, too, and watched as Anita filled out the paperwork, glancing around the range for a moment as she tried to brush off the strange feeling coating her chest inside. It was oddly comfortable. An ease that she was used to but didn’t always get a chance to enjoy. It was just...easy being around Anita. And though they had their secrets, their agreement to not talk about it somehow made things...easier. There was that word again. Marley furrowed her brow, not hearing Anita when she first spoke up again. “Wha-- Oh! Right. Perfect. This way,” she said, tugging on her again, intertwining their arms as she walked them down the hall to the shooting range. “Alright,” she announced as they headed inside, “I brought my glock that you can try, as well as the revolver, but we’ll start off easy with the pistol. Not as powerful but easier to hold for beginnings,” she noted, using her hand to guide Anita into the right spot, motioned to the gun sitting before her. “And first things first, we learn how to load the gun and turn off the safety. We’ll start with blanks, yeah? To get a feel for things,” she explained, hand lingering on Anita’s arm as she stepped to the side.

There it was again, a comfort washing over Anita as Marley entangled their arms and guided her down the hall. She hadn’t felt an ease like that in… ever? No, that couldn’t be right. In a long time, at least. It went against everything she thought was going to happen if someone ever found out that she was less-than human. It was never spoken, but they both knew. Maybe it was the knowing that made things so simple. “Right, okay. The revolver is the one from… “ she trailed off, briefly remembering the last time she had seen that gun. “And then the other one is the pistol.” Despite being able to kill a person with just the venom in her body, there was something surreal about being so near so many things that could cause so much carnage. “Blanks! Yes, okay, that’s good. Yeah, to ease into it.” Hesitantly, she reached out and put her hands on the pistol, the cool metal of the gun against her cold skin was uncomfortable. She preferred the warmth of Marley, but that wasn’t what they were here for. 

Marley couldn’t help but chuckle a little. Anita just had a way about her, to make Marley lose the part of herself that was supposed to be stern and guarded. Keep ten feet of emotional distance between her and anyone else at all times. But Anita had snuck in somehow and Marley hadn’t even thought about her species in ages. It was probably just because she already knew, and Anita knew she knew. But they just didn’t...talk about it. There was no need to. That’s all it was. Now it was just about seeing how far they could go, right? Till one of both of them got bored. Right? Marley blinked, coming back to her thoughts. Wow, those pain killers were really doing a number on her. It was probably because she hadn’t eaten in a while. “Here,” she traced her hand down Anita’s arm to her hand-- because of course she was going to play it this way-- and pointed to the butt of the gun. “This releases the magazine,” she instructed, “and these,” moved her hand away to point at the prepared magazines. “There’s about ten shots in a clip. You just pick it up,” she did so, holding it out to Anita, standing close enough to her that their bodies were touching, “and slide it in.”

A smooth chill ran down Anita’s spine when she felt Marley’s hand trail down her arm. So much had been going on lately that she almost forgot how intense their physical chemistry was. Almost. If she wasn’t about to operate a deadly weapon, she would have let her mind wonder, thinking about the last time Marley was in her bed. Well, not the last time actually. The time before that. The last time was oddly clothed. Anita leaned her body into Marley’s slightly so that they were pressed up against each other, because even though she was focusing on the gun instructions, she just couldn’t help herself. “So I just take this,” she said as she picked up one of the magazines, “...and slip it right on into the opening here?” As she finished that question, she slid the clip into the gun, jumping a little when she heard the click as the two pieces of metal fit into each other perfectly. “That’s not too hard.” She said, turning her face slightly to the side, now just inches away from Marley’s. 

Marley could feel her stomach burning, little bumps rising on her arms. Luckily she was wearing long sleeves and Anita wouldn’t be able to see the effect she was having on her right now, as she turned to look at her. “Mmmm, yup,” Marley said, not even looking at the gun. “That...that’s it.” She blinked, cleared her throat, and looked away, now focusing on the gun again. She shimmied around a little to lift Anita’s other arm. “Now hold it with the trigger in your dominant hand,” she instructed, “and use the other hand to support it around the bottom,” guided her hands into place, keeping hers there for a moment. “Have a good grip?” 

Anita grinned a bit when she heard Marley clear her throat, then followed suit and re-focused her energy onto the gun in her hands. In her left hand she gripped the gun, her pointer finger tentatively resting near the trigger. She brought her right hand up and cupped the base of the gun, resting some of the weight there. “Yeah, I think so?” Nothing about the way she was holding this felt right, but she figured that was because it was such a foreign experience to her. But Marley knew what she was doing, and Anita just had to trust that. Shit. Why did trust keep coming up when she was around Marley? Anita could probably have come here by herself and paid some random person to teach her this stuff. They both knew that, but for whatever reason she reached out to her. “Uh, how stiff should my arms be? Like fully extended forward or should they be a bit loose?” 

Marley watched Anita position her hands, noted the way her arms stiffened and her body tensed. Holding such a powerful weapon could be frightening, even for the most hardened of people. She knew that. She drew her hand back down Anita’s arms, pushing lightly on the crook of her elbow to make her relax her grip a bit. “You want to squeeze the gun tight with your hands, but keep your elbows bent. Otherwise, that recoil is gonna suck, which is why we’re starting with the pistol,” she said, giving a little smile. Then, she lined herself up with Anita, standing directly behind her, leaning against her, chin basically on her shoulder. “Now to line up the shot,” she said, putting her hand back over Anita’s on the gun and helping her aim in, “you want the very top tip of the gun to point just above where you wanna hit.” Breath hot on her cheek as she spoke, smiling slightly. “And then you pull the trigger,” and without warning, she backed away.

“Okay. Loose and bent. I can do loose and bent.” Anita repeated, doing her absolute best to actually try and be loose with the amount of tension she was feeling. And not just from the gun. It wasn’t like she hadn’t been with other people in between now and the last time she slept with Marley, but feeling her body pressed up against hers and her hot breath on her cheek, she realized just how badly she wanted to be doing so many other things with Marley right now. A soft breath of air escaped her lips when Marley pulled away. She felt suddenly exposed. The reality of the weapon in her hand really hitting her. Thank God they were blanks because she was not confident in her abilities right now. Trying to remember everything she had just been told, she aimed, kept her arms relaxed, and pulled the trigger. The noise shot through her more than she had anticipated. She knew she rattled, and was suddenly deeply anxious and a little embarrassed. “Fuck. I… I’m sorry I don’t think that was a good one. I don’t think that would’ve hit.” 

Marley let out a strained puff of air before smiling, shaking her head with a chuckle. “Relax,” she said, coming back over to Anita. She put her hand on her hip, standing behind her again. “It was your first try, no one’s good on the first try, no matter what they say.” She hooked a finger into one of Anita’s belt loops and tugged, adjusting her hips. “Now spread your feet a little,” she said, “kind ground yourself.” She lifted her hand again, put it on Anita’s shoulder. “Try again.” She said, this time staying where she was, despite knowing how loud the shot would be. At least they had a silencer on the pistol, because she wasn’t fond of putting on the big, stupid headphones. And she liked being able to be this close to Anita. To be able to touch her. She swallowed. “I’m right here.”

Anita wasn’t really sure why Marley’s words were so calming to her. But they were. “Yeah, yeah you’re right. First time’s always awkward and clunky.” Once again she followed the instructions she was being given, letting her body move wherever Marley positioned her to be. Never in a million years would she have thought shooting a gun could be romantic. Wait, no? Fuck, no. Not romantic. Hot, steamy, sexy. Aiming the gun up towards the target, Anita took a deep breath then let her finger pull the trigger once again. This time she was more prepared for the noise, the recoil, the vibrations ringing through her entire body, all of it. And it felt… better? Who the hell knew if it would’ve hit if she had been loaded up with real bullets, but maybe it would’ve. “Okay, wow. That, yeah… that felt a lot better.” She wanted to thank her for staying with her that time, but she had been thanking her for a lot lately, and that was starting to freak her out more than she cared to admit. 

“Good,” Marley said, stepping back finally but not taking her hand off Anita’s shoulder. “Now empty the rest of the clip to get a feel, and we’ll try a real bullet next.” Though once they put real ones in, Marley would have to stop the teasing and step away, because one misfire there and there’d be dire consequences. A little blip of disappointment ran through her at the thought, but it was just about the teasing, of course. She liked seeing Anita squirm, that was all. That’s what she told herself, even as she stayed close to Anita while she finished off the clip, her hand eventually lowering to her hip, her stomach, back again. Realizing how much she longed to touch her. It was probably just because Marley hadn’t had anyone in her bed since the Jane-mime incident. She was just riled up and ready to blow. “Ready to try for real?” she asked, clearing her head of those thoughts, stepping back.

Real bullets next. A small feeling of dread fluttered through Anita’s stomach. She had to remind herself why she was doing all of this. Sure, she hadn’t seen her mime-twin in a while and the feeling of being watched may have faded, but that didn’t mean she was about to let her guard down. There were plenty of things out there that her old tricks of spitting venom and running didn’t protect her from. So she emptied the clip of blank rounds, slowly getting into a bit of a rhythm with it. Feeling Marley’s hands all over her became more of a calming presence than a distraction, though she would no doubt be thinking about it all later. “No going back now, I guess.” She responded, wondering if she’d actually be able to hit the target with any of her shots. “It’s not gonna feel any different, right? Shooting with actual ammo?”

“The recoil will be a bit more,” Marley said nonchalantly, clearing her throat again as she backed up. “And make sure you have a real tight grip on it. It’s gonna make a louder noise, but that’s what these are for,” she said, motioning to the soundproof headphones hanging on the wall next to them. “They’re not exactly the sexiest looking things, but protection is protection, right?” she tried to tease, picking up a pair and holding them out to Anita. “There’s gonna be a muzzle flash, too, but try not to move the gun once you’ve pulled the trigger.” She grabbed the other pair and looked at her. “Think you can do it without me this time? As much as I’d hate to leave you all alone, I’ll just be right back here. I’d like to keep my hearing, though.”

Anita reached out and took the headphones from Marley. “I dunno, I like to think I have a superpower of making anything look sexy,” she teased. Nodding as she took the information in, she tried to remember everything that Marley had said up to that point. Well, everything gun related. Messing up any one thing could be… disastrous. “Yeah.. yeah, I think I can do this solo.” Anita slid on the bulky ear protection, then picked up the clip that had real bullets in it and slid it into the gun. She squared up her hips in front of the target and slowly lifted her arms up. Firm, but loose. After taking one last deep breath, Anita aimed and fired. The first bullet came ripping out, she could feel the vibrations before the bullet had fully left the chamber yet. Then came the flash, short but bright. She wanted to drop her arms immediately, but she kept them up, following her instructions. Her eyes followed the trajectory of the projectile all the way to the target, and much to her surprise - it actually made contact. Feeling a little more confident, she took aim again and shot off the remainder of the rounds in the clip. Sure, none of them hit dead center bullzeye, but it didn’t seem too shabby for her first time. Pulling off the headphones, she turned back towards Marley with an excited smile on her face. “Okay, I think I kinda get the hype around these things now.” 

Marley stepped back to watch and found herself mildly entranced. Anita’s body language wasn’t exactly relaxed or professional, but this was her first time shooting a gun, so she could hardly blame her for that. But even just looking at her back, the way her hair fell over her shoulders, the way her arms tense slightly every time she pulled the trigger-- Marley couldn’t help but stare. She’d always been good at seeing the little details, after all. By the time Anita finished, Marley was fully entranced, and had to blink, realizing she was talking and quickly took her headphones off. “See? That’s what I’ve been saying. You just gotta know what you’re doing,” she smirked, coming back over to her, slowly, “and I hear having a good teacher helps.” She paused just a few feet away from her. “Did you wanna try some more or do you think you’re good?” she asked, finding herself hoping she’d pick the latter. She knew that Anita was here for a more serious reason, but Marley wanted to put her hands back on her, in any capacity.

Anita placed the gun down on the table where she had first picked it up from, her hands practically still vibrating from the power of the gun. “A great teacher certainly does help,” she replied, about to pull her in and kiss her riding off the high of the adrenalin when Marley spoke again. “I think I’m good? I mean, this is all really just for that one very specific purpose, and I feel like that there would’ve done the job… even if not on the first shot,” she said, referencing the target that now had at least 9 holes in it. “So, uh, I think we can head out? That way I don’t take up any more of your evening.” Admittedly Anita really wanted to take up a whole lot more of her evening, very little of it involving guns or mimes or clothes. But did that make it weird? She was overthinking shit now. Any other day, any other situation, any other person she would’ve already invited them back to her place with all that just happened. But Marley tripped her up, threw her off her game. It was hard to get a grip on why, but the fact remained. 

Marley stepped closer, as if to lean in, but just leaned against Anita to put her headphones back on the wall before leaning away again. This time, she held her hand out to Anita. “Let’s get out of here, then,” she said, “I think people are staring.” They weren’t, but it would be fun to watch Anita squirm a little again. That’s what she liked about her, right? That must be it. That Marley knew her well enough to tease her just the right amount. It was a stark difference from the first time they’d talked. She’d been sure if she’d pushed it, Anita would have never talked to her again and something in her had made sure Marley didn’t make that mistake. And now here they were, shooting guns and not...doing other things. She swallowed and gripped Anita’s hand, pulling her out of the range quickly. She didn’t want to be in there anymore.

Anita stared at Marley’s extended hand probably for too long before taking it. She wasn’t even fully sure why she was so hesitant. They’d already displayed more PDA, if you could even call it that, in the last hour than she had in the last decade. Looking around briefly, Anita rolled her eyes slightly at the comment. “Uh, I think everyone is too wrapped up in their guns to pay any attention to us.” They still made their way to the exit though, Anita keeping pace with Marley as she led her out. Reality was slowly hitting her again, the dopplegangers, the death, the reason why they were here in the first place. Despite the fact that she knew that mime thing wasn’t the real Marley, she still had trouble shaking the image of something with Marley’s face dying. Once they were back out in the parking lot, and the cold air hit them, Anita gently released her grip on Marley’s hand. “So, uh, thanks for tonight. For all this.” 

Marley was more than sure that Anita was responding to her teasing, but the second the cold air hit them, it was like something changed. Anita’s entire body language changed. Marley slowed to a stop in the middle of the parking lot, turning to look back at her. Her hand felt cold where Anita had been holding it a second earlier, which was funny, because she ran pretty cool. Marley turned, blinking. It was dark out now and her eyes had a red glow to them again but there was nothing malicious in them. She furrowed her brow. “Yeah, like I said,” she shrugged, “anytime.” She took a step back, motioned over her shoulder. “Just make sure you don’t use what I taught you to go on a killing spree, okay?” Gave her one last look before turning away, a painful disappointment in her chest.

Anita couldn’t form into words why she was letting Marley walk away, just like she couldn’t figure out why the moment she took a step away a deep visceral need to be close to her again took over. They’d already slept together, more than once. Usually that was all Anita needed to flush someone out of her system, out of her head. Why the hell wasn’t that working this time? Before she fully realized what she was doing, Anita took a few steps forward, reaching out and grabbing Marley’s hand. She pulled her back around, and brought her other hand up to Marley’s face, cupping her cheek as she drew her in for a kiss. It was urgent and needy and even though Anita didn’t feel in control she felt deep down like she needed this, needed her. They had gotten each other all worked up in the range, that had to be what this was. Just a need to release a bit of pent up tension. 

Marley was a profiler and even she hadn’t seen that coming. She’d tell herself later it was because she literally couldn’t see Anita, but there had probably been signs before. Signs that she would chase after her and grab her hand and turn her around and kiss her. Roughly. Desperately. And Marley kissed her back all the same. It only took a moment for the action to register before she was pressing back, arm wrapping around her like it had been inside. Digging into her shirt, her jacket, her other arm pressed between them. Finally all that tension releasing. They were obviously just worked up from that and from their missed date last time. No, not date. Just from their missed opportunity last time. It was obvious they were physically attracted to each other, so that’s all this was. Filling in that gap. That missed opportunity. That’s all it was. When she needed to breathe, Marley pulled away, cheeks flushed. She had nothing to say.

As Anita pulled away, she tried to read Marley’s face. She was waiting on her to say something, to do something, but the two of them just stood there in silence. Eyes glancing down towards the ground, she shoved her hands into her pockets. Maybe she had misread signals? Maybe that had been a bad call. Deep down she wanted to ask her to come over, to kiss her more and be with her. But the last time they were together she asked for her to stay, and she wasn’t about to make a habit of always being the one to put it on the line. Without saying anything else, Anita just turned and walked back to her car, rather disappointed in how the night was ending. She climbed into the driver's seat, then turned to see if Marley was still standing there before turning the key and starting the engine. 

Marley didn’t move as Anita backed away. And then she was slowly walking away and all Marley could do was watch. She hadn’t said anything, why hadn’t she said anything? She’d been teasing and playing with her the whole time and now she was just letting her walk away? Of course she was. Going over after this meant something she wasn’t sure either of them wanted to face. So, instead, she went over to her car, opened the door, and sat down. She watched Anita drive away before starting her own car. Let out a long breath. She really needed to get back to how things used to be. Things with Anita were weird. But there was still something about her that pulled Marley away from the thoughts. She turned on her car and pulled out to head home. Except she didn’t turn right, she turned left. And then ten minutes later she was parking outside of Anita’s house. And before she could stop herself, she was at the front door, knocking.

Anita had barely gotten home when she heard a knock at her front door. If the light of her living room didn’t spill out her front door she might’ve pretended she wasn’t home. She was honestly exhausted, emotionally drained for the first time in a very long time. But since whomever was out there undoubtedly knew that she was home, she answered the door. “Marley.” The name slipped out of her mouth before she even had any thoughts. “Why are you here?” Anita stepped aside, opening the door wider and inviting her in with her actions. “I mean, I’m glad you’re here… I just, I didn’t think…” Her thoughts trailed off, trying to figure out how she was feeling in the moment. 

The door opened and for some reason Marley’s heart was pounding. She looked at Anita, still without her glasses on, meeting her eyes, meeting someone’s eyes for the first time in a long time without any intention to feed from them or scare them or hurt them. She stepped inside. “Stop talking,” was all Marley said once Anita finished sputtering. Reached up with her hand to wrap it around Anita’s neck, drawing her into another kiss, just as desperate as their kiss in the parking lot.

Anita found the red glow of Marley’s eyes was entrancing. A subtle reminder that they were both similar in their differentness. Then suddenly, their bodies were together again, and Anita wrapped her arms tightly around Marley’s waist. Finally. Was all she could think, any other thoughts slipping effortlessly from her mind and suddenly all that mattered was the two of them. Not guns, not mimes, not being non-human. Almost instinctively Anita began to tug at the top of Marley’s jeans, not wanting them to have even a moment where their momentum could die down. 

Marley kicked the door closed pushing Anita farther inside until her back hit the wall. Her hand curled into her hair, tugging her closer to her. She wasn’t sure what had possessed her to want to kiss Anita so much, what made her feel like she was going to explode if she wasn’t kissing her. It was probably her own damn fault for being such a tease back at the range, but she needed to not think about this all too much. It was just sex after all. She pulled away enough to suck in a breath, and give Anita a look. “Does that answer your question?”

Anita was tired of feeling unsure about what was going on between the two of them. She didn’t want to be thinking about her doubts or insecurities. The moment Marley pulled her lips away, her entire body craving for them to be back on hers. “Yes. Now stop talking and keep kissing me.” She shot back, leaning her back firmly against the wall and lifting up one of her legs and entangling it with Marley’s. She smirked, then leaned in and began kissing her again. This, right here, it helped reaffirm what the two of them were really about. It wasn’t anything more than a physical need. A deep attraction and great sex. Everything else had just been a strange product of stranger circumstances. This was what they did, and they were damn good at it. 

Keep kissing her. Yeah, Marley could do that. No more of this stupid talking or playing around or teasing. Just kissing and sex. That’s what they were about. This was the parts Marley knew how to do, and how to do it good. Sure, they’d met up several times now, but Marley wasn’t always a one and done girl, especially if they were good. And Anita was good. And this was all it needed to be. She pulled away one last time, staying close enough to her to feel her breath on her, and said, “Bedroom.” No other words were needed.

[fromthefriars]

Bringing It To Completion (blog by Fr. Jeremiah, CFR)

Several weeks ago I received some of the happiest news of my life:  a publishing company contacted me and informed me of their interest in publishing a series of reflections I sent them three months earlier.  I was so shocked, I said, somewhat embarrassingly to the editor on the phone, “Are you serious…, really publish it…as a book?’  

Laughing, he said, “Yes I am serious, a real book.  We really like what you sent us.”  

He began to speak about some of the details of publishing, mentioning words like contracts, royalties, and deadlines.  As soon as he began speaking, I was swept away by a euphoric feeling of joy and gratitude.  “Maybe I wasn’t wasting my time writing these reflections,” I said to myself.  “I can’t believe this is happening.  Thank you Lord.”

“There is only one problem,” he said.

Immediately, my daydream came to a screeching halt.  

“Your manuscript is currently at 20,00 words.  We need it to be at 35,000-40,000 words before we can publish it.  So, keep writing.  We will set a deadline for six months.”

There was a long pause.

“Father,” he said, “are you there?

“Yes,” I said, hesitantly and feeling like I was just punched in the stomach, “I am here.”  

“Good.  Now, another editor will email you the contract in a few days.  Please read through it and sign it so we can begin the process.  In the meantime, keep writing.  I look forward to seeing how this project progresses.”

“Um, thank you. Me too.”

I hung up the phone and began to experience a dramatic shift in my emotions. My joy and gratitude quickly turned into anxiety and fear.  

“How am I going to write 20,000 words in six months?” I said to myself.  “I am a priest with other responsibilities.  I have homilies and retreats to prepare, spiritual direction appointments to attend to, responsibilities from my own religious community to fulfill, etc.  I am not a full-time writer.  I can’t do this. Why did I ever start writing this book in the first place?  I should have known that I don’t have time for this.”            

Whenever I am given a task, regardless of its nature, there is a subtle voice that whispers inside of me, “You can’t do this.”  This voice has followed me for as long as I can remember.  After my “reversion” to Catholicism at age 18, a voice kept whispering to me, “You are going to lose all of your friends.  Everybody is going to laugh at you when they see you praying and going to church.  You will never be able to withstand it.  You care too much what people think.”  When I was discerning joining the Franciscans a voice kept telling me, “You can’t live in New York City.  You’re from the country.  It will be too much for you.”  A few years ago, when I began to spend extended periods of time in hermitage, a voice kept saying, “Who do you think you are spending all this time in solitude?  Look how weak and insecure you are, you will go crazy.  You can’t do it.”      

St. Ignatius of Loyola believes that each person must contend with three voices in their life: the voice of God, the voice of the devil and the voice of one’s own humanity/psychology.  Each voice, like each person, has a distinctive character to it.  The voice of God, generally, is uplifting, encouraging, and loving, lifting one’s heart and mind to higher things, while the voice of the devil is filled with discouragement, negativity and sadness, leaving a soul entirely earthbound in its pursuits, pleasures and vision.  The voice of one’s own humanity is not always so clear.  Perhaps it can be a mixture of both, depending on one’s own history and life decisions.  Regardless of which voice is speaking, St. Paul’s reminder to the Ephesians is an appropriate one:  “For we are not contending against flesh and blood” (Ephesians 6:12).  Hence, reality contains many other powers or forces that are always present, even though we don’t often perceive them.  

The real question is not, how will I finish this book, but which voices will I listen to?  I will finish this book the way I have accomplished everything in my life: with God’s grace.  If God wills something for us, his grace is never lacking.  Every time the voice of discouragement has appeared in my life it has always proven to be false.  I returned to the Church despite what my friends thought.  I spent many wonderful years living in New York City as a Franciscan, and despite my weaknesses and insecurity I have spent a significant amount of time in hermitage alone with God, and remain (at least somewhat!) mentally stable.    

What God asks of us at times can seem impossible.  How can I forgive that person who hurt me?  How can I face life with this disease, embarrassment, or failure that is always before me?  Instead of feeling strong and confident before God’s will we often feel inadequate and incompetent.  Abraham asks God, “Can a child be born to a man who is a hundred years old?” (Genesis 17:17) The prophet Amos, hoping to escape his vocation laments, “I was no prophet, nor have I belonged to a company of prophets; I was a shepherd and a dresser of sycamores” (Amos 7:14).  Zechariah asks the angel Gabriel, “How am I to know this?  I am an old man; my wife too is advanced in age?” (Luke 1:18)  In all of these examples, however, these instances are not the last chapter.

This voice that has been telling me “You can’t do this,” cannot be the voice of God.  Whether it is the voice of the devil, or my own humanity, or a mixture of both, the conclusion is evident: I must refuse to listen to that voice and persevere in this writing, while relying completely on God’s grace for inspiration and strength.  

The same is true for each one of us.  Wherever God’s will has us at this moment, we move forward not by asking why or how, but by sifting through the voices until we arrive at the voice of our Father, who loves us, encourages us and strengthens us for the journey ahead.  “I am sure of this much: that he who has begun the good work in you will carry it through to completion, right up to the day of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 1:6).

[sanrosa]

10:43pm

A month ago, exactly a month ago, I would not have imagined being in the position I am right now. Because a month ago, I still had uni assignments that were still due, I was still living with my one sister and mom, I had just applied for a learnership which I had hoped and prayed so much for - feeling optimistic because of the responses I gave for the interview, I still had a learner's licence that was about to expire and I was blatantly waiting for it to expire because there was no hope whatsoever anymore that I would get a test before it expires (my punctuality cost me a great amount), I still did not know how I'd really execute my vision of getting into the scenes and finally officially put myself out there as a rapper/artist, I still did not know either how I'd take advantage of the platforms I had initiated but did not carry on with (my blogs, youtube channels, twitter accounts, instagram, etc.) and I still had no full set idea of what I was going to do this year, like exactly what I'm working towards by the end of this unexpected gap year. This was all me, a month ago.

A month later... so much has changed, I'm quite amazed. So... I never quite really finished the assignments on time, and well, in summary: I failed. The hour I spent after reading that email, that hour- in pure shock, is one I will never quite forget. How I had emotions too many, yet none. A state of confusion, shock, heartbreak, deep sadness, then numbness, then acceptance, then happiness, then relief and joy. All in a matter of minutes. At the same time, I was trying not to feel either. I convinced myself that it is not that deep, I am strong and I will get through this. Because in a way, I had also expected it, the way things were going. I could not have expected that I pass with flying colours when the effort I was putting was minimal to none. Literally doing things last minute. So, while I was surprised at failing for the first time in my life academically, I honestly did not have anything or anyone else to blame but myself. The responsibility was completely my own and it is in my doing and way of handling my time that I succumbed to this position (of failure). So, yes, I do know that I am at fault. But fr, it just could not erase the fact that I was in shock hey. But I did move on from that rather quickly. And what I took from that moment were two things... A big lesson, and a big advice. The biggest lesson was (and will continue to be, until I truly learn and master it) - How to take control of my time and manage it efficiently! There will not a lesson as big as this one right here for me. Because it has become my biggest weakness and starting to become my most wounding one, unless I start acting right and learn it. I've been losing too much and too many precious things (opportunities, assets, beautiful moments) to my lack of time management skills. And it hurts! So I have no choice anymore other than to fully commit myself to respecting, cherishing and managing my time the way I'm supposed to, to get to exactly where I want to be. And well, I guess I'd say the advice is actually also in this lesson; Practice, practice, practice! Master the art of doing something when I need to and am able to. There's no better time than now. Anyways, next. Well, just a month ago I thought I'd be living with my sister for the year. But, my aunt and cousin came to visit for a weekend, and my cousin did not have a place to stay yet for his school year (res) so we found out he'll be staying with us. For a month. Jiki-jiki, a month later.. Both my sister and my cousin have left. Gone to their residences and off living their lives. As if I expected that?? I should've, right? No. Because my sister never actually said anything about leaving, and I genuinely thought my cousin was actually going to stay like a bit longer because who starts staying in a place in like the middle of the month, you know? So here I am now, lonely and sad they're both gone and I'm just left with my mother, who besides being a really cool and sweet human, likes to naaagg! about almost anything around the house. from the table not being wiped properly, to the windows, to the curtains, to the food and the way it was cooked, to the. Which, I'm not gonna lie, I understand as she is a black parent. I dislike it (extremely), but I do understand. I mean in any case, she probably has a lot of stress already so this is like her way of taking it out I guess (and lmao that is actually exactly what goes through my mind when she nags. I bounce her energy off, and not let it interfere with my energy, by keeping in mind that she's just trying to air out her 'boiling' thoughts, so i should not let it get to my emotions so that I have a bad vibe because the vibe that's been created. and it works like a charm). At the same time though, I'm not trying to paint a picture of her as an extremely 'complaintive' person lol, it's just i think that i'm not used to this energy anymore. I left the nest last year. Now that I've come back, I'm not sure how the hell I was able to handle such energy... cause it is lame as hell. But anyways, my point actually was how sad I am that my sis and cousin left. So abruptly even. Man. At least my cousin (who actually just left this morning) did leave me with something valuable. A truly valuable gift. He taught me how to make a beat. Just a day ago I didn't know practically anything about making beats. Not even the names of the types of instruments (snares, kicks, hi-hats, melodies). But now, I feel like I've unlocked a whole new world of understanding music. Cause now it feels like I even know exactly what went into the beats that these famous artists (Drake, Kanye, Nicki, PND, Cardi) use for the songs. Of course not exactly what they used, but more or less how they made it. And it looks easier now. My journey on being a rapper now looks more lit up cause bitch I'll even be producing my own hits now. Ah! Lol but okay, honestly, that was fire. And I'm truly and eternally grateful he helped with that. I hope he has a blessed year. Alright... next. (sigh) The learnership. Actually this one kinda still hurts deeply so I won't get too in detail about it, but... I did not get the learnership. Though I genuinely felt like I fit the criteria perfectly when I applied, as well as living very near to the workplace. Heaven only knows why I would be given such an opportunity and have the strength to actually take it, yet the outcome is a complete flop. Like I am honestly trying to understand why I even saw the ad in the first place... At such perfect timing (cause I was not going to be taking a gap year this year anyways)... All to just give me unnecessary hope? Why?? Why break my heart like that??? But ok yeah ... Life and shit. Anyways, the learner's licence. Haha, this one is quite interesting actually. Because to be truly honest, I had almost forgotten that I had a learner's licence. And I think it's because in my mind I had obtained the learner's, took driving lessons and had already planned to take the driver's test in PE, however I was in Gtown for most of last year, so it seemed like something that could not happen until I fully got back to PE, which was December. December came and went with all the fun I had and it completely slipped my mind that I could take lessons and a driver's test during the time. Came beginning of January, I'm preparing for school. Still no 'go book a test' in mind, until the middle/end of January (when it became final that I was not going to school this year) and I thought 'oh damn, this would be the perfect time to actually take lessons and book a test then'. Only to find out I am too darn late; the DLTC is all booked out. Oh, how I regretted wasting my time on idk what. 🙂💔 Fortunately, I was not too bummed out, considering I have another whole year to redo this then. Unfortunately, I stumbled upon a post by one of my favourite artists right now, Saweetie, and found out that she is doing a giveaway (brave of me to enter that world again, I know. I don't know what's my problem really) and well, I decided to enter it. Thing is though, it's a giveaway for a whole Tesla. Yes bitch, a whole entire mthrfking TESLA. And my ass is smart enough to think I would win it lol. Okay, God bless my heart. Anyways, so the catch is.... You need a driver's licence. OBVI! But I don't have one. YET! So, uhm, *cough cough* let me f**king book for learner's as soon as the day it expires!... Okay, done! Now let's go take the test 6 days later!... Okay, done! We passed... Done! Wooh. Now let's book for a driver's test as soon as you get home from writing the test cause we excited asf!... LMAO done! Now let's make sure it's a good date and good time astrologically too (cause that lowkey was the case with you writing the learner's test and boom you passed, even tho you didn't even check).... Done! Okay, we almost there, now go book for lessons at One Way (I'm sure they'll have spots for you cause it's a whole month and 3 days before you take your test lmao).... Done! Yay! I have a whole month to practice. Let's get it! Okay well, that's where I stand so far. Tuesday I'm then going to pay the booking fee and stuff. Then, take lessons from both the driving school and with my mother. Then take the test on Weed Day lmao. So after the test I smoke one up and celebrate victory. 😄 All in due time for the giveaway closing after two days. Wows. Whether I win the giveaway or not though, I'll just be glad that it seriously inspired me this much to finally get a driver's licence. Like, it genuinely pushed me hey. So boom I was able to get a licence this year 😁 Urrrniways... Next. My vision. Oh my dear vision. To be a well known female rapper. Beeeen hiding behind the scenes, you'd never know what I'm up to, whether I'm working, I'm playing, I'm being boring, I'm having a blast... or even having a child, chile (lmao). But one thing's for sure, I am still alive. Okay. And I'm just about to be more alive, and you'll even feel more alive... when my ass starts dropping things. Yasss honeyy, dropping my name, dropping that ass, dropping these beats, dropping this sass. Oh shit, here's the real her. Yes, hi. I been working, and I been playing, now let's get to showinnngg.😁 Lol, okay but on the real. A month ago, I really did not know how to execute my vision. In some parts I still don't really, like the cover for my debut EP (photography-wise), who to really contact for first edition EP-listening, and how much it would completely cost to distribute this whole idea/vision (which I'm actually going to have to start becoming my own professional accountant). But in some parts I now do, including important parts like GETTING THE MIC (😪😁 finally! and guess when it came? March 16th. always a special day for me this one), knowing how to produce my own beats here and there (finally 😁), and how exactly to market to a large number of people (😆more views and stuff), then perhaps less important stuff like the outfit I will wear for my very first performance lmao, and posting my stuff on instagram and tiktok (unexpectedly actually), and actually understanding and lowkey connecting with underrated rappers/singers. It's a pretty dope world to see tbh. Overrall... Babbyy, I see you the see the vision now. It's an exciting time to be in. (Side-note: Lmao I highkey lowkey think the moon being in Gemini just impacted me now. cause suddenly I'm on some other mood within writing this post. lmao shit changed quite drastically than when I began writing). Anyways, next. Last but not least... Taking advantage of these platforms, in conjunction with what exactly I will be doing this year. So, a month ago, I had almost forgotten about my astrology blog. Well, let me actually put it this way... I started to kinda cringe at the thought of my blog because it had been a while since I'd posted, so I wasn't too keen on going on to tumblr again. All the notifs, inboxes and deep cringe from noticing how it's been almost 5 months since I last posted something. Likkke... girl, is you serious or not? Lol, but then... an idea got blessed in my head on the 4th of March (a beautiful idea that will start commencing very soon)... How about I start a small business? :? Selling..... Merch. Based on astrology.😁 It is one heck of a win-win situation for me and the people getting interested in astrology now. But of course... I need an audience to sell to. So, (to the Heavens I thank for the day I randomly posted some astrology thing here on tumblr and it actually blew up and I did not even expect that), now I have some people to at least engage and connect with for this business. And I thank the Heavens even more that my idea somehow got transferred into my mom's head and she popped up a question of "Don't you wanna start selling stuff?" or something like that. And hell to yes, I grabbed that opportunity like no other! (but fr, I was shocked first. like what? you read my mind or sumn?) Lol, and so... Mi lady and I talked business and how she'd invested a K for me to check if I'd really be able to handle it. (Oh and perhaps I might add, my dad also did 'invest' a K for me in terms of my music... cause I was able to buy a mic with the money he gave me. Yes, yes, a whole K went into a mic). So I can only genuinely thank God for the people in my life, and how this path is going for me right now. Like, wow. But yeah. Technically, I haven't received the K from Mi lady yet, but that is good because I'd like to get in touch (and get bigger) with my tumblr astro fam again. Then in a couple of weeks, we officially commence. Just in time for me having a driver's licence. So, things can be easier for me pushing my business. :') Lord God, You are great. The greatest. Otherwise... yeah, then other stuff ke like really building my niche on instagram (posting pics and stuff), starting a music/astrology channel on YouTube (which I released my first video today 😁), and already officiated handles on twitter and insta. I'm not too sure if I care about facebook tbh. but yeah, then all that's left is the website itself and a professional email address. then, digitally, we up!

So yeah man... wooh, what a month passing by. never would've thought of all of these things happening. but I can only thank Lord God because it's none other than His doing that's helping me with all of this. Like I actually cannot explain how grateful I am for how kind and amazing He has been to me. and the fact that I'm able to see and understand why these things are happening. some making me really sad, but it's all just to introducing the next that will make me really happy. I am truly blessed man. wow.

God, I thank you. With all my heart and being. All my existence and soul. I thank you.

[the-literalist]

Spare Me Some Time (12)

Pairing: USUK

Word Count: 2234

Summary: Alfred Jones is as poor as they get, living homeless on the streets. He is the type of man that high-paid businessman Arthur Kirkland would never spare a passing glance, but that’s about to change.

Link to the full story on AO3

Well this was certainly a … new type of experience for Arthur.

Regardless of the fact that he hadn’t been invited to a friendly gathering in ages, this type of hangout was simply not his forte. All the same, he couldn’t really complain about the circumstances he had found himself in. Arthur watched on as Alfred happily chatted with his Japanese friend while some other guests at the apartment battled each other in Call of Duty. This “video game party”, as Kiku had presented it, was an excuse for nerds to flock together to geek out about the latest and greatest games to hit the market.

Arthur couldn’t even remember if he had ever played a video game before. He preferred reading as a child. None of this violent, headache-inducing mayhem ever appealed to him. It was obvious how different Alfred’s upbringing was from his own.

The taller man had practically begged Arthur to come along with him to this party, even though Alfred was obviously very close with Kiku (or at least he used to be, before he lost his job and became homeless 6 months ago). Arthur knew he would feel out of place but he decided to appease Alfred and accompany him. The big puppy dog eyes that Alfred had displayed were impossible to say no to, and also ever since Alfred had moved into Arthur’s flat two weeks prior, Arthur felt like he had to protect him somewhat.

Arthur had even purchased a new phone for him and got him set up on his own plan, so Alfred was able to talk to his friends and family again. Arthur sighed contentedly as he recalled how thankful Alfred had been with the new phone, adding contacts and texting people he hadn’t spoken with in so long.

This excluded his parents, since Alfred had already disclosed to Arthur how his shitty parents had kicked him out once he told them he was gay. Just thinking about it made Arthur’s blood boil. He wanted to teach them a painful lesson for ever treating Alfred poorly. In fact, anyone that even so much as glanced at his newfound roommate the wrong way would incur the Englishman’s wrath. A twinge of guilt reminded Arthur of how he had treated Alfred when they first met, how hostile and cruel he had been when the poor man was only trying to return his money to him.

But regardless of that initial meeting, they had quickly developed a strong friendship after Alfred moved in. They were open with each other, talked about anything and everything, and had formed a comfortable rhythm as roommates. Arthur would work during the day while Alfred stayed in the flat working out (to regain some muscle mass) and job-hunting on Arthur’s computer. For dinner, either Alfred would have it prepared before Arthur returned from a long day at work, or the pair would cook together.

Arthur’s heart fluttered just thinking about it. He never realized cooking could be so fun, but Alfred really showed him to open his mind to new experiences. Everything they had done together thus far had seemed like an exciting new adventure, for both of them. In all honesty, it was completely barmy that the stone-cold Arthur Kirkland had been reverted to a kind-hearted and fun-loving person – but supposedly Alfred just rubbed off on him, a little too much.

He wasn’t going to complain. Not at all. Which was why he wouldn’t complain about his current predicament being stuck at a party with complete strangers playing games that he couldn’t care less about. Alfred was happy and that’s all that mattered.

The American man was talking animatedly to Kiku from the far couch, his blue eyes sparkling and his hands gesturing wildly as he recounted a story. Arthur heaved another blissful sigh…he hadn’t meant to fall this hard but he couldn’t keep denying it. He liked Alfred. He really liked Alfred.

All of a sudden the blue eyes darted over to him. “Hey Arthur, why are you staring off like that? Don’t be a wallflower!” Alfred motioned for him to come over which Arthur begrudgingly obliged.

“I’m not being a wallflower,” Arthur said as he rolled his eyes. “I just want to give you some time with your friend since you two haven’t hung out properly in so long.”

Kiku smiled briefly. “It is no trouble. Since Alfred has a phone again, we have been texting more frequently.”

Arthur couldn’t deny the tiny bit of envy that coursed through him. “Ah, alright then,” he tried to appear as nonchalant as possible even though the thought that someone else was vying for Alfred’s attention left him feeling a tad bit emotional and angry.

“I have been wanting to ask you, would you like some tea? I see you haven’t gotten a drink from the soda table yet, but you seem like the person that would enjoy a cup of tea instead.”

Okay so maybe Kiku wasn’t so bad after all. Arthur couldn’t dislike this man even if he was slightly jealous of his friendship with Alfred. “That would be lovely, yes. Jasmine tea, if you don’t mind.”

He heard snickering coming from Alfred which he should have expected. “Oi shut it, will you??” Arthur exclaimed, which just incited more laughter.

“Not a problem, Arthur, I will be right back,” Kiku said as he excused himself to the kitchen.

Arthur nodded politely at him right before he felt a hand grab him to pull him down on the couch. He yelped indignantly at the manhandling but Alfred just continued laughing at him. “Oh c’mon, I’m just trying to make you comfortable!”

“I can assure you, this is not the way to do it,” he retorted as he jerked his arm out of Alfred’s grasp.

“Sorry, I just don’t want you to look so bored and lonely. You need to relax and try to have some fun! Why don’t you call dibs on the next game? It can be something easy, like Mario Kart,” the American man replied semi-sincerely, with a hint of humor fluttering below the surface of his words. It was obvious that Arthur was a novice when it came to this kind of thing, but now that he was being challenged, he would show Alfred and everyone else that he could hold his own!

….Well he tried anyway.

After failing at Mario Kart, Halo, Overcooked, and Call of Duty, Arthur finally conceded the controller to a more advanced and worthy player – a lively woman named Elizabeta. It was embarrassing, but he knew it was all in good fun; even with his roommate tittering loudly behind him, calling him a rookie, egging him on and trying to encourage him at the same time.

But eventually Alfred excused himself from the couch to have a one-on-one chat with Kiku in the latter’s bedroom. Arthur couldn’t contain his curiosity, wondering what the pair were discussing in such private quarters. The jealousy was something he would have to work on. He was 30 years old for Christ’s sake! He wasn’t going to keep this man from having a private discussion with his good friend. Arthur took a deep breath and kept his eyes trained on the telly, blankly watching the cascading colors and figures flash across the screen as the other guests shouted and jeered at one another.

This was going to be a long night.

The walk back to Arthur’s flat was mostly quiet. Arthur couldn’t tell if it was a comfortable silence or if Alfred could feel the tension that the shorter man was radiating.

Maybe he should just address it. They had been pretty open with each other about everything up until that point and if he didn’t say something, it would just gnaw away at him until he exploded with unprecedented hostility. It had happened many times in his past. It was all a matter on how he breached the subject.

“So…” the Englishman began gingerly, “How was your talk with Kiku? Did you two catch up?”

The American tossed him a quick glance before sighing deeply. But it wasn’t angry, it seemed resigned. “Yeah… I told him about everything. I owed him the truth and I knew he was super curious even though he didn’t outwardly say it. So I told him after I lost my job I was homeless for a while and I lost a lot of hope that things would change… until you crossed my path actually.”

Arthur hadn’t been expecting that response. Once again proving that it was silly to jump to conclusions and allow jealousy to consume him earlier. Of course Kiku and Alfred had been discussing the trauma and suffering that Alfred faced during his time living on the streets. It made perfect sense to have that kind of talk in private. And the last part of what Alfred said made his heart skip a beat.

“I see, and how did he take it? Did he offer words of encouragement? I assume he was supportive, correct? He seems like a decent lad.”

“Oh he is. More than decent! Honestly it was a huge relief to tell him the truth. I’m so happy we saw him at that suit store. It was such a lucky coincidence and I have YOU to thank for that too.” Alfred raked a hand through his hair, as if coming to some awe-inspiring realization. “I seriously have so much to thank you for. You completely changed my life around in a short amount of time. And I know I’ve said it before but I’ll say it a million more times. Thank you so much for everything, Arthur. I mean it,” his smile was bright even though his eyes were watery as green locked with blue. And Arthur couldn’t help but feel the emotional impact of those statements as his own eyes teared up a bit as well.

“It’s unnecessary to keep saying that, I do appreciate it though. More importantly, I should be thanking you. This is going to sound completely sappy so don’t you dare make fun of me…,” he collected himself with a deep inhale before continuing. “…I know I have a long way to go but I do feel like you changed me for the better. I just feel…happier and lighter almost. Like the weight of the world has been lifted. I suppose what I want to say is that I’m glad we met, and I’m glad you agreed to live with me.” That was probably too much information, but he couldn’t stop the words from spilling out of his mouth. Everything was still so new, they still had so much more to learn about each other. And yet… it just felt right, when they were together laughing and bantering and sharing memories, it all felt so natural. Arthur wanted to be sure he wasn’t the only one who felt that way.

He spared a glance at Alfred who was staring at him in amazement. The light blush on his cheeks was illuminated by the overhead street lights as they continued down the sidewalk and Arthur had to turn away as he felt his own face flush in response.

Alfred grabbed his arm lightly to stop him from walking. Arthur’s heart was thundering inside his ribcage as he turned to face the taller man.

“Do you really mean that?”

They were so close together. Too close together. “Yes. Every word.”

“Is it okay if I kiss you?” it was a whisper but Arthur heard it as clear as day.

He didn’t trust his own voice but he managed to croak out a “yes” before the distance was closed between them. Alfred kissed him so deeply and passionately that Arthur’s head was spinning, he felt overwhelmingly hot and unsteady but like hell that would stop him from enjoying this. He kissed back with as much fervor as he could muster, while Alfred wrapped his arms around him pulling him closer for a heated embrace.

They broke for air after a few minutes that felt impossibly long.

“Damn, that was…,” Alfred tried to put a coherent sentence together but was clearly having trouble formulating his thoughts. “That was just…holy shit.”

Arthur agreed with that sentiment wholeheartedly. “I think I saw stars.”

“I think I saw sparks.”

“…I think we have a spark,” Arthur replied cheekily.

There was a lopsided smile in response before he replied, “I think so too.”

The rest of the walk back to Arthur’s flat passed in a blur, with both men hand-in-hand and smiling so brightly it rivaled the luminosity of the moon.

That night Alfred moved his stuff from the guest bedroom to the master bedroom. He never moved out.

Bonus:

After a few months of job hunting, Alfred finally lands a job at a non-profit organization. It doesn’t pay much, but it’s enough for Alfred to pitch in a bit for the rent so he doesn’t feel like a total freeloader. Obviously Arthur just wants Alfred to be happy so it’s not a big deal. Arthur decides to throw Alfred a surprise party for getting a new job and he enlists the help of Kiku in rounding up some of Alfred’s other friends around the city. Alfred is so shocked and happy that all his friends are there to support him, with his new boyfriend being the greatest support of all.

A/N: Well this concludes my writer's block. Hope you enjoyed this story (for however many people are still left in this fandom LOL). But for real, the reviews are what made me gain the motivation to finish this. Thanks for the support over the years!!

[noswangoing124-blog]

Josie

Damien’s POV: I watched the girl under the bridge, noting how filthy she looked. Even with her lemon blonde hair, she could practically pass for a brunette now, given the amount of dirt and dust caught up in it. Her skin looked bruised, from where I could see, no doubt from fighting with the occasional drunk criminal on the streets. The child huddled into one of the corners of the bridge’s structure, clearly trying to protect herself from the incoming cold of the evening. I wanted to pity her, but at the same time, she simply wouldn’t accept my help. So in a way, it was partially her fault. The blasted girl was practically dictated by her emotions, and it made reasoning with her so much harder than it should be. They ruled over her like tyrants who forced her to turn a blind eye to logic. I mean yes, we’ve had our fair share of fights before, but that was so long ago. Did it even matter anymore? I was only trying to help her. I crept closer to the bridge, careful to not make my presence known just yet. My shoes couldn’t make a sound due to my nimble steps, even though the ground was covered in loose gravel. My red coat fluttered slightly in the breeze, and I clutched against my waist. Granted, bright colors aren’t the best thing to wear when stalking someone, but it was no matter. I planned to make my presence known anyway. A few moments later, there was only a thin stone wall that separated the girl from me. I could easily reach right around it, grasp onto her shoulder, and drag her away, of course, but this wasn’t the time for that. I needed to assess how she had fared on the streets, specifically her mind. I could easily kidnap her, but when a child comes to you willingly, it’s much more satisfying. I could hear her soft breathing, and strangely, I began to hear strange mumbles mixed in with it as well. Were they words? I leaned my head closer against the wall, and affirmed my suspicions. She seemed to be counting, and I could hear the distinct clinking of coins. I smiled, and shook my head. How did she expect to live life off of street change? The girl suddenly became quiet, and my breath hitched. Did she know I was there? I stood as still as a statue, hoping she wouldn’t make the effort to simply crane her neck from behind the wall. If she had, I would be right in plain sight. Though to be honest, the thought didn’t really bother me too much. The only thing ruined would be my spying behind the cold stone wall, and nothing else. She was wasn’t much against me in terms of danger, after all. I let out a breath in a mixture of relief and disappointment as I began to hear her resume her counting the street money she’d no doubt picked off of sidewalks, as if seen many of the homeless do. Yes, I didn’t want to make myself known just yet, but it was also quite a let down. Taking a look behind the wall would be an intelligent thing to do, and if I were to take someone under my wing, I would rather they be of a high intellect. Oh, well. I supposed I’d have to teach her survival skills later. “I know you’re there,” she spoke softly from behind the wall. It seems I may have misjudged her. Thinking it useless to stay in my position any longer, I stood up and walked right around the wall, with my back straight and an aura of regality following my figure. A king is a king no matter where he is, after all. “Go away,” she groaned at me. I grinned internally. Even with all the grueling time on the streets, she still finds the nerve to hate me. It was wonderful energy, but it just wasn’t adjusted in the right direction. “And leave you here, all alone?” I asked. “Josephine, be reasonable. You’re counting on coins to keep you alive. Coins that-“ I glanced at the small amount of change “-are barely enough to do the job.” I saw something that looked like utter despair quickly cloud her grey eyes, but I wasn’t so sure if it really was. It just wasn’t like her. She’d always find a way to retaliate. “I’m fine,” she insisted, the brief flash of sadness in her eyes suddenly gone. “I’m doing great. Fuck off.” I narrowed my eyes at her, annoyed by her attitude. She’d treated someone with good intentions like just another beggar, and I wouldn’t stand for it. It was unreasonable that she only wanted me to leave. Her language rubbed me the wrong way as well, as I’m sure it was intended to do. As an adult far older than her, I could swear her under the table and leave her absolutely speechless. It was unnecessary, though, and it would only push her further away from me. An outcome I certainly didn’t want. “Are you really doing well?” I asked her, raising a brow. “Physically, you look terrible.” “Yeah well, you always look terrible.” “This isn’t the time, Josephine.” She collected the coins off the ground and stuffed them into the side pocket of the mud stained backpack that lay by her side. I lowered my brow, but remained intrigued. Was she actually coming with me? “What are you doing?” I asked her, watching her sling the backpack over he shoulder and stand up. Josephine brushed her filthy blonde hair to the side, and reached into it, seemingly fishing around for something. I stared, but mentally prepared myself for an attack. She could be a very unpredictable girl at times. Then, as if someone hit a switch in her mind, Josephine stopped. She gave me a wary glance, and closed the backpack. I frowned. Not only was she not answering my questions, but she was acting like someone had erased her thoughts on whim. I snatched the backpack from her, not taking silence for an answer. “Hey!” she yelped, trying to yank it back from me. After pushing her away, I stuffed my hand into the backpack and shifted my hands to find whatever she had been searching for. Amidst what felt like papers, plastic bags, and God knows what else, I gripped the plastic handle of a familiar object. Familiar and dangerous, if I wasn’t wrong. I lifted my hand out of the darkness of the backpack, and found myself holding a serrated knife with a five inch blade. It didn’t look like anything special, and resembled an ordinary kitchen knife. Still, her hidden intentions came into light. Apparently, stabbing me was a supposed solution to her problems. Unacceptable. “Is this what you were reaching for?” I asked Josephine, seeing her back away. She hit the wall, and had no more room to move anymore backwards. “You thought a sneak attack would get rid of me?” “I didn’t actually hurt you,” she quickly replied. I could hear her voice quiver in what I hoped was fear. Good. It would teach her a lesson. “Nonetheless, you thought it would actually work.” I chided her. “Even under the impossible circumstances that you would have killed me, what would you do then? You’d have blood on your hands, and have every judge in the country after you. You’d live in jail for the rest of your life, and all for one bad decision. Not to mention, you don’t even know HOW to kill someone properly.” My speech made her skin pale, but confusion spread upon her face at my last sentence. I dropped the backpack to the floor and continued nonetheless. “You don’t know how to go through with it.” I explained, still miffed by her subtle plot against me. Who was she to go against someone like me? “Stabbing people isn’t the easiest way to kill a person, no matter what any book or movie might show you. Whatever you might have watched or read might make murder seem easy, but I assure you, it’s not. You need a strong body and psyche to get through it without damaging yourself. And what about the forensic evidence? You’re just going to get yourself caught? Why won’t you think ahead? Have some planning skills, for God’s sake.” She seemed dazed while listening to my speech, so to bring her attention back, I snapped my fingers. She perked up immediately. “Don’t you dare zone out!” I chided her. I realized that talking wouldn’t do much of anything at this point, and that it was also getting much darker outside. The evening had already arrived, and if I wasted any more time, it would be night before I could get her to leave if I wasted my time. I sighed, and gripped the knife-still in my hand-a little tighter. Josephine’s eyes widened as I advanced towards her. Before she could let out a scream, I clamped a hand over her mouth, pressing her head against the wall. She punched and kicked me, but the pain didn’t register much. For someone who’d lived in the streets for a while, it wasn’t surprising that she was weak. She was all bite and no bark. I raised my fist and dropped the knife to the floor, letting it clatter on the ground. Then, as fast as I could, I swung my fist into her jaw, knocking her out instantly. Immediately, she slumped forward, and I caught her in my arms. I bent down to scoop her other half up by sliding my arm under her legs and lifting them. She seemed so lightweight in my hold, and I didn’t know whether to attribute it to the fact that she was small, or the fact that I was blessed with inhuman strength. In all likelihood, it was probably both. I carried the unconscious Josephine out from under the bridge, and felt a small sense of dismay. It didn’t need to come to this, but the girl just didn’t know what was good for her sometimes. Living alone on the streets would eventually kill her, and its about time sometime helped her make smarter decisions. Josie’s POV I sighed and sat under the bridge, feeling like an idiot as I counted the coins I had picked off of the sidewalk. Who was I kidding? They were just dimes and pennies, and maybe a quarter or two. Honestly, I was just rambling at this point. I didn’t even think they could buy ANYTHING worth its use. I huddled into the corner of the bridge, and brushed my matted hair to the side. I felt the air become colder, and looked out from underneath the bridge, glancing towards the sky. It was getting late, and I supposed I would have to sleep under the bridge again. On the cold, rocky floor. Being homeless sucked. While I was counting, I heard a crunch from behind me, just on the other side of the stone wall. I froze, wondering if I was being watched. The sun was on the other side of the bridge, and anyone and anything cast a really long shadow this time of day. But who could possibly avoid casting a- Oh. Damien. I sighed, and furrowed my eyebrows. I irritatedly picked up the coins and dropped them onto the floor in frustration. It wasn’t enough that I was trying to stay alive, but now I’m being followed by a supernatural stalker? Seriously? C’mon, Damien, it’s the fifth fucking time! “I know you’re there,” I said, not daring to look behind the bridge. My voice came out low and husky, surprising me. I guessed it was because I hadn’t spoken for a long time. My voice was weird like that, I guess. I guess it’ll make me sound scarier. Just as I was about to call him out again, Damien emerged from behind the wall. He had on that stupid red coat thing on too, and it was the color of the fresh blood of all his enemies. I hated that coat. Well actually, I loved that coat. I only hated it because it belonged to him. HE, however, needed to leave. I didn’t feel like dealing with him. “Go away,” I told him, tired of his existence already. Why couldn’t the man just take a hint? “And leave you all alone?” Damien responded, further annoying me. “Josephine, be reasonable.” Why does he call me by my full name? It’s JOSIE, geez. “You’re counting on coins to keep you alive,” he continued. “Coins that are barely enough to do the job.” I felt terrible when he finished those words. I mean, he was right. What he didn’t know was that I wasn’t JUST picking up money off the streets. I had actually been mugging people for extra cash that I had stuffed in my backpack, but HE didn’t even HAVE to know that to be right. I knew I couldn’t keep this lifestyle up anymore. Well, maybe just a little longer. “I’m fine.” I shot back. “I’m doing great. Fuck off.” Damien gave me a creepy look, and I began to regret what I just said. I didn’t know how he would react to cussing, but I hoped he didn’t blow up on me. Some adults were just like that, unfortunately. “Are you really doing well?” he asked. I stared at him. He didn’t explode on me? “Physically, you look terrible,” he added. I rolled my eyes internally. The man walking around in the big, red, clown looking jacket (that I secretly liked) had the nerve to tell me that I looked bad? Really? I looked him right in his yellow eyes, past the pitch black locks that framed his face. “Yeah, well, you always look terrible,” I weakly insulted. It came out much better in my head, but not so well out loud, apparently. “This isn’t the time, Josephine,” Damien replied seriously. I knew this wasn’t the time for any of my lame comebacks, so I resolved to knock him out instead. Then, I realized that just making him blackout would be a lot tougher than I thought. Besides, his species didn’t exactly stay unconscious for long. Just barely a few minutes, from what I know. I decided to make his blood flow just enough to disorient him. It was the least I could do, I supposed. I scooped the coins up and put them in my backpack pocket. Then I slipped my arm under the it to lift it while standing up myself. “What are you doing?” Damien asked. I ignored him. I just had to get rid of him for now. I stuck my hand in my backpack and fished around for my knife, the knife I usually used on the people I mugged. It would be quick and easy. It- Wait. I pursed my lips, and quit trying to reach for the knife. I was tired and weak because even mugging didn’t support me enough. What was I thinking, trying to attack someone much stronger than I was. I wasn’t even being subtle about it! I grimaced and zipped the backpack up, attributing my temporary loss of sanity to my ever growing hunger and thirst. I prepared to turn tail and escape. It was my best option, really. Suddenly, Damien stole my backpack away from me. “Hey!” I yelled instinctively. I tried to grab it back, but he pushed my to the floor. I landed hard, and the gravel dug into my skin. I winced at the pain, but found myself too weak to jump back quickly. Instead, I staggered to my feet. To my horror, he had found the knife. “Is this what you were looking for?” Damien asked me. I heard the threatening edge in his voice, and began to back away. I definitely wasn’t going near him if he had a knife. Though, to be honest, his words could cut a lot more than any knife could. “You thought a sneak attack would get rid of me?” he asked in a way I assumed was rhetorically. My back hit the wall, the wall I completely forgot about. Fear does does crazy things to a person, including making people say the stupidly obvious words that were about to spill out of my mouth. “I didn’t actually hurt you,” I argued in panic. I mentally slapped myself. “Nonetheless, you thought it would actually work.” he continued, clearly angry at me. “Even under the impossible circumstances that you would have killed me, what would you do then?” I had no idea. “You’d have blood on your hands, and have every judge in the country after you. You’d live in jail for the rest of your life, and all for one bad decision. Not to mention, you don’t even know HOW to kill someone properly.” I narrowed my eyes in confusion. Was he criticizing me because I COULDN’T kill? What? “You don’t know how to go through with it.” Damien lectured. “Stabbing people....” He trailed off, but I wasn’t listening. I needed to figure out how to escape. Running to the left and right obviously wouldn’t work because he’d catch up to me faster than I could squeal, so what else. I couldn’t make him bleed out anymore, so what else? It’s not like I could walk through walls. He snapped his fingers, making me jerk my head up. “Don’t you dare zone out!” Damien snapped, interrupting my thoughts. Suddenly, he glanced outside. Why he decided to stare at the sky randomly, I wouldn’t know. And whatever he was smoking, I wanted some. Out of nowhere, he lunged at me. What happened to just talking? I panicked again as he grabbed my head and held it in place against the wall. It wasn’t enough to crush my bones, but it still hurt. With no other option, I wildly attacked him, slamming my fist and feet against his body. My heart rate sped up in terror as I realized that it wasn’t working, and that he began to hold the knife up in the air. It quivered menacingly in his grasp. I couldn’t scream, but if I could, I guarantee it would be heard from across town. My knees shook as my fear increased, and I heard the knife drop to the ground. Then, I felt his fish smash into my jaw. The world quickly faded away.