#from a intro to series perspective? 10/10 this does a good job

[mejomonster]

yakuza 0 is a fascinating game. from my perspective, as a standalone, since it was the first entry in the series i played and so i treated it as its own single thing with no prior knowledge or context. also as a prequel game, i imagine it may have been somewhat aimed at new players to the series like some prequels are as ‘entering points’ into series

1. it highlights the serious drama/silly heartfelt sidestories structure, the way the mini games and then more fight-heavy combat go alongside each other to make this mash up game (which in some ways reminds me of Persona 3 combining life sim with turn base combat, or Devil Summoner Raidou combines action combat with these very slice of life social gaming aspects of making demon friends/case solving). 

2. it serves to introduce the families at play, clans at play, the tojo clan and omi alliance, and show kiryu at his youngest as like his origin. 

3. as standalone stories, kiryu and his entire involvement with tachibana is a full drama story of its own, majima and his entire involvement with makoto is a full drama story of its own. so what it ends up feeling like is 2 games in one. 2 games that could have maybe stood on their own as 2 independent stories/yakuza games, combined into one single game. likely because they revolve around the same large-scale event of the empty lot and dojima leader being taken down from power.

4. because the game at no point has the 2 leading characters (who are leading their own respective “own stories/games” in the game) never meet, it pretty much start to finish feels like playing 2 parallel stories/games. i found this an interesting but really odd choice? i am not sure i remember any other game where 2 leads of 2 stories which connect (since their larger stories do connect as flip sides of each other) never meet or cooperate in the game. I can think of Kingdom Hearts Chain of Memories where Sora never meets Riku but Riku IS actively looking for sora and at the endgame interacting with his body/his safekeeping as the ending conclusion. Or KH Dream Drop Distance where Riku and Sora are often apart and unable to communicate or work together, but know each other before the gameplay starts and interact again in the endgame. Meanwhile, I expected the same of yakuza 0 - for majima and kiryu to either meet in endgame and Work Together or to at some point be aware of each other to a decent enough degree to be acknowledging it (even if its like “this kiryu working with tachibana, this majima who helped makoto and is now taking out Dojima while i go to protect makoto” referring to an off-screen known ally to their goals). But that never happened. The ENTIRE game, even inside each other’s spheres of influence as they are deeply tied during the endgame in their goals/who they know/what they’re doing, they never are aware of each other (beyond this k-san i’m investing in lol). it seemed very interesting to me that the writers chose to keep the stories only parallel without ever having the 2 leads run into each other or acknowledge each other’s participation much. It makes me wonder WHY they chose to write it that way. did they want to show what majima and kiryu have in common in their past, even though the 2 men themselves dont know its a shared experience? did they want to simply show a backstory for why BOTH characters are the way that they are now, and so felt they both deserved an origin story? (which would imply majima is Quite significantly viewed as a character, to get to deserve an origin story explanation with as much attention as main-character kiryu, since majima is a full on required playable character with his entire own story going on). I am playing Yakuza Kiwami now, and the game itself so far (I’m in chapter 4) has had majima around as a helpful “train me” guy, but he doesn’t particularly yet seem like he’d be any more significant as a character than say Bacchus in Yakuza 0 or Reina or Nishiki - maybe significant sure, but not enough to merit his own entire game-playthrough and story. So its just an interesting design choice for yakuza 0 to decide he IS that significant, to be on kiryu’s level as a main character. It may have been a fanservice choice, in that maybe majima became more popular through the series and by yakuza 0 he’d become More Important and worth making a 1/2 a game entirely on. It may have been he’s always been an important parallel to kiryu’s character, and this was a way to showcase that more. 

5. again... what’s perhaps most interesting to me isn’t even that majima gets co-lead status in yakuza 0. but that kiryu and majima Never cross paths during the game’s plot in person, despite being both dragged deep into the main story events of the empty lot, makoto, and dojima. i wonder why they chose to keep them apart. (i can make guesses - perhaps its important to the characters histories, that they met as casual coworkers with no inkling of what each other USED to be like, but it was still important to show Audiences what they both used to be like. that perhaps their actual early relationship has some significance in some plot, so it could not be altered to serve this yakuza 0 plot - but this yakuza 0 plot could still individually highlight both their own character arc stories individually. or maybe the makers just wanted to make 2 parallel games with yakuza 0 like an A and B side of a story).   

[honesthammie]

From my prompt list:

4) After reaching your 16th birthday you gain the ability to see everyone's red strings of fate and on your 18th you finally get to see yours, except yours dissappears into the ground/sky.

Fandom:Doctor who

Pairing: 13 x gender neutral reader

This is my first fic on tumblr. I know its hella long and not all of my fics will be like this. This came to me from a dream I had recently. I love Jodie and I decided to write the spider episode from a different perspective. I may have change the episode slightly to fit the reader. I am thinking of doing a part 2 but it may be a while before I do as I have deadlines and stuff to keep up with. The next part may be more fluff between 13 and yourself. I know this didn't have much but it's something. I'm also sorry to any Americans reading this, I love yas but its just the personality I put to go with the readers personality. I'm also sorry for any spelling mistakes as I'm doing this on my phone.

Summary: spider episode with a small change I'm plot to accommodate your beautiful self in this fic

Warnings: slight description of a couple of panic/anxiety attacks, swearing and a bit of angst. Long intro for small fluff. And it's a part 1 do I guess a small cliffhanger is a warning?

Beep beep beep. Your alarm starts blaring in your ears, waking you up with a start. You glare at the interrupting machine before turning it off. After such a crazy night, you did not want your sleep so rudely interrupted. Why did you have a crazy night? It's your 18th birthday today and your friends decided to visit your place for a little house party, last night, to celebrate and now you have a pounding headache.

You groaned as you realised, you would need to take some pain meds before you even think about going back to sleep. Slipping out of your bed, you walk to the bathroom and find the cupboard with all sorts of medicinal and bathroom bits and bobs. You then grab the glass that you placed there in preparation for the definite hangover. The glass was a little cold to the touch but you filled it with some cool water from the sinks tap.

You took two, just so you could have a longer sleep. You waddle back into your bedroom and just as you get comfy, you widen your eyes at the memory. You needed to see your mother today, she said she had a gift for you but she would only be at home until 11. You looked at the machine that you hated for the time. It was currently 10:05. You jumped to your feet and rush to get ready.

As you walked outside, you saw the regular red strings that you saw everyday. Why do you see strings? You honestly didn't know, but you knew their purpose, it helped match 2 soulmates together. But something seemed a little off, there was no one on the street anymore, so why could you still see one line of destiny? You decided to follow the string south, down to your own (s/c) hand which was now slightly shaking at the sight.

"Fuck. Fuck,fucky fucking fuck. Why now? Why me? What the shit is going on with me?" You curse to yourself. You could feel your breath getting rapid and your head started spinning slightly. You quickly unlocked your car and sat down to help calm you down. You took a few deep breaths and focused on your senses.

When you eventually calmed down, you decided to look at where the string led. Oh, how you shouldn't have looked. It didn't go in any way of a compass, it went straight up and past the clouds. How? You had so many questions but you had to focus on the day ahead.

You had been to your mothers house and collected your new (fave game series) and your card. You were incredibly thankful as you have been saving up to buy it for yourself one day. You had played the previous games and loved every one of them and to say you were excited was an understatement. You almost ran back into your place if it wasn't for needing the key to access the gates.

Living in a gated community helped you feel a lot safer but it did also make you a big target for thieves to practise picking locks. No one had figured out where the hidden camera that kept alerting the authorities was though. Even you have tried put of plain curiosity but you got stumped after the 10th day of searching. You were sure you looked in every possible hiding spot, yet the camera always seemed to evade you in the pointless game of hide and seek.

As you unlocked the gate, you felt a twitch on your finger. The string was moving down and at a very fast pace, almost falling speed. You looked up and saw a small black dot heading towards the ground, if thats your soulmate, they would certainly be dead the second they meet their fate. When you could no longer see the dot, you kept your eyes glued to the string, waiting for it to disappear like everyone else's did when a soulmate died.

After five minutes, the string was still there and was still as red as ever, like no harm had come to them. But thats not possible. No creature could survive that especially from that great a height! You were beyond curious and quickly went into your living room and searched on all your social media for anyone else that may have spotted the dot in the sky, yet no one had but you knew (b/f) had another massive fight with their roommate, Stella, over whose turn it was to do the dishes again.

If you didn't know that Stella was in a relationship with another, you would have sworn those two were in a relationship. You giggled at the silly thought, "if Stella ever goes through a break up with her, I'm totally gonna set those two up."

You give up on finding anything out today, maybe it'll be on the news tomorrow and you set off to go on an online shopping spree, you had a few codes and now, thanks to your wonderful mother, had a little cash to spare and you did see that gorgeous top on sale. Once you had spent the day either shopping or gaming you decided to head to bed but you couldn't stop thinking about that dot and what the red string meant for you.

When your alarm had went off, you hit it and got dressed for your new job at some hot shot posh hotel run by an aspiring American with High expectations and little experience with Sheffield. You had been told you wouldn't get to meet him much and you were beyond fine with that, you hated Americans, simply because you hated violence and guns were the big no on your weaponry list of avoidance. You didn't mind weapons in video games, those were harmless to the outside world. You didn't mind verbal violence though, it was all you had to defend yourself with and in Sheffield, that was better than nothing. You were very short tempered when it came to your anger but you found that it was either verbal or physical, you chose to be verbal.

You looked at your phone for any messages from (b/f) and had a good luck message. You replied with a smiley face and a "ill need all the luck I can get. I've heard from a few employees that he can be a real asshole for no reason and fires people just because they made eye contact for too long. It's like he suspects someone is out for his blood."

After 2 minutes you received a reply from from them. "You better be on your best behaviour then, young lady!"

"That's the problem. I wonder what the record is for the quickest a person has got fired? Because I may break that, you know me! I don't exactly do as I'm told, that's why finding a job has been so hard. Anyway, I best get ready, gotta look the part! First impressions and all!" You replied with a nervous face. What you failed to notice was the red string no longer pointing towards the sky and you were making it shorter with every step you took. You did give up on finding out about the strange dot and came to the assumption that it fell in a lake, there were plenty of them around.

You walked into the swanky looking hotel and noticed the cobwebs that definitely were not there two days ago when you had your interview, yet they looked like they had been there for weeks. You would have put it down to Halloween decorations if it wasn't for the fact that it was June. You decided to not ask in case this was some sort of strange new American trend that your boss was following to help bring in the youth. It does help make it fit into Sheffield a lot more with the run down and abandoned look. It would need some rust, water damage, mold and cracks to finish the look but it was a start. If you had to be honest, the spider webs helped bring the place together. It was way too posh for Sheffield but you had to lie and say you love it in order to get hired. Just from that lie alone you knew exactly the personality of your boss, arrogant, vain and ignorant.

"Hello, you must be my new helper! I'm Najia, your second in command here. As you can see, there are loads of spider webs so they should be priority. If you could start cleaning in the south west second floor and continue that floor, that would be amazing. Now here's your cleaning trolley and if you happen to finish the floor early, send me a little message through the walkie talkie and I'll give you another room or floor. Do you have any questions?" Najia spoke softly. She seemed lovely and it was shame that she had to be in a place that would get more damage than its worth.

"Just one question: why so many spider webs?"

"I don't know, they just seemed to have appeared, I thought it was silly string from some teenagers that managed to break in somehow but it is actual spider web. It wasn't here when I left last night. I guess I'll have to ask someone about that."

And with that you separated and got to your floor when you finally noticed a slight burning sensation on your finger, it wasn't hurtful. It was like putting the finger in a really hot bath. You looked down and noticed it now pointed downhill and seemed to be glowing a shade of gold ever so gently that you would miss it if the weird sensation didn't make you look.

You left your trolley outside a toilet to make it seem like you were in there when really you had wondered off to follow the string. You would probably lose yourself in the maze of hallways that all looked the same as the last if the string didn't help lead you to a ballroom. You opened the door and instantly screamed. A giant spider was walking towards you, however you couldn't get out, you had used a staff door which needed a key card to use from this side as the other side still needed to be fitted and you left yours in the trolley, near the toilets. And the massive spider seemed to be blocking the other way out so you were trapped.

You weren't scared of spiders but seeing them at the size of a van did intimidate you. You started shaking from fear of what it would do to you. Out of pure instinct, you put your hand out to protect yourself and the sound of 8 legs against wooden flooring had ceased. The only sound was your laboured breathing. It stayed like this for what seemed like hours but in actuality was only 5 minutes. You opened your eyes slowly to see 8 more stare right back. 8 eyes that showed fear but no intention of harm. Instead the spider gave you space to breathe by walking back a few feet. Then it seemed to be watching you, studying your next move to see if you were a threat and whether or not it should kill you.

You stayed still for a moment, wrapping your head around what had just happened before gently walking towards the creature with both hands forward to show them clean of weapons. You decided to try and speak to the spider to see if it can understand you.

"Hello. I'm new around here, I'm sorry if I'm trespassing on your area, I wasn't aware of you being here to be honest. I mean you no harm, if anything, I want to help you but unfortunately, I'm stuck in here aswell." You spoke carefully as if it was a child that was afraid. You gently put your hand in its head and it seemed to understand your good intentions and your situation as it let you pet it. Now you were close, you started to admire it and realised it wasn't poisonous or venomous, it was just a regular house spider. But you couldn't figure out how or why it got this big but it did explain the cobwebs everywhere.

You had been with the spider for hours and it seemed like Najia either didn't care or has gotten fired as she hasn't asked about you. You had spent the time talking or singing to the spider. She, as you found out after looking it up, seemed to put her body around you to protect you. You had even met a couple of her children as they gave you food from the cafeteria to nibble on when your stomach growled.

Eventually the burning on your fingers turned up massively and was causing you pain. The spider seemed to sense this and wrapped her web around your finger to help cool it down a little. It didn't help but you showed gratitude anyway as she was only trying to help in anyway she could. You gave her a small smile and her eyes seemed to show sympathy in return.

Then the doors opened again and the sound of several feet walked in. "Oh thank god. I thought I was never going to be found in here." You thought to yourself as you heard the voices mumble to each other and probably about Betty and what's the best way to get rid of her. You would have paid more attention if your finger didn't feel like it had caught fire and was tight as if your soulmate was amongst those that had walked in.

Now you were nervous. How would you introduce yourself? What did they look like? Were they male or female, not that you really cared? So many questions made you feel lightheaded so you grabbed onto Betty to keep yourself planted.

Then the door opened again and a familiar voice echoed in the hall and you knew exactly how he'd want to deal with Betty and after your bond today, you would rather die than her. She was obviously innocent here and maybe the others could see it. Then you heard the familiar click of a gun safety being taken off and your body reacted before your mind did and you jumped in front of her to stop him, although you had a feeling it wouldn't, but it was worth a shot for the others to stop him.

"Don't you fucking dare shoot that gun Dickhead! Not without going through me!" You spoke with fire in your eyes and maybe a slight mix if fear aswell. That's when you looked over at the new group of people. They all seemed trustworthy enough.

There was Najia, who welcomed you here earlier and she looked sad, so she had definitely been fired. Then there was another woman who looked a lot like her, you guessed she was a daughter or something and she was pretty and definitely somone with authority with the way she stood and held herself, maybe she is a police officer? A man who looked as though he was in his 50s and definitely did not belong in this weird group. A young man who looked of a similar age to the police woman, maybe they are friends.

Then you laid your eyes on one of the most beautiful woman, no, human, you had ever seen and would probably never see again. She had short blonde hair in a bob. They seemed to be brunette at the root. She had beautiful chocolate honey eyes that glimmers with so much emotion and age well beyond her years, like she had experienced thousands of years before this moment. You also noticed her odd sense of style but you admired her boldness and it did look amazing on her. You decided she could only be described as sunshine and rainbows.

Then you noticed her hand And a familiar red string that was also glowing a beautiful subtle gold. Like millions of tiny golden stars circled around the string in a beautiful dance of love. Your eyes started to follow the string down and back to your own. She was your soulmate. That goddess that stood before you, was to be yours forever some day.

Then you looked into her hypnotic eyes before you remembered where you were and what situation you were in. And you realised everyone was staring at you for your previous action towards a spider.

"If you want to keep your job, I'd suggest you move out of the way silly girl!" Your boss grumbled in a threatening tone.

"Nope. You are about to hurt an innocent creature that is stuck and terrified. You built on top of landfill and didn't bother to check and thought of no consequences. This is your fault. Is this how you would treat a child that was a mistake after a one night stand or something? Would you shoot a child that had no choice?" You spoke with confidence yet more nerves now she was there listening to every word. When he didn't answer you shouted "Answer me! Would you shoot your mistake of a child?"

He glared at you. "This is different. This is an animal. A pest. It needs to be killed so more can't be born! I made my mistake and now I'm fixing it!" He bellowed just seconds before a shot was made from his gun. You had expected pain but instead you heard a horrible shriek from behind you.

You quickly turned around and petted her whilst whispering sweet words as she took her last breath. You stood up and made your way over to the murderer. You couldn't stand him and you were so tempted to take his gun and shoot him with it, but you didn't. With fire in your eyes and pure hatred, you slapped him hard enough to leave a mark and maybe a bruise as a reminder of his shitty choices. "You can't fire me because I fucking quit you arrogant dick! She had caused no harm to you or I and I'm sure if you would have sorted it sooner, so many more lives could have been saved as she only had humans because flies didn't fill her anymore! She was so kind and just so afraid. I hope you lose everything you pathetic sad sack of boiled shit! You are truest one of the lowest excuses for a human I have ever met and if we meet again please be very afraid, because next time, it won't just be a slap you have to worry about! It'll be your balls as I cut them off beacuse men like you shouldn't repopulate the planet! You horrid scum! I hope your empire fucking collapses!" You spoke with venom lacing every word. You were seething and boy did his face look punchable. Instead you walked away with your middle finger proudly being the last thing he sees as you walk out the normal doors.

Once you were outside, you sat in the steps and finally let out all the emotions. You cried so hard, over your loss of yet another job and a newly found friend. You screamed at him with a string of curses that would offend just about anybody. You suddenly felt somone sit at the side of you. You knew who it was when the string was burning more than ever before and yet you couldn't feel it over the pain your heart.

"You did brilliant back there. You chose, not just your job, but your life over a creature you barely even knew! If you wouldn't have jumped in when you did, I don't think her children would've had a chance to escape to my TARDIS because he's going on a hunt right now for the rest of them. Sure, you didn't save her but you saved so many more lives than you think. And I know each one is eternally grateful for what you did. I know I would be." Her words were certain and sympathetic. They seemed to calm you down instantly. Or maybe is was the way she talked that helped with her soft but strong voice and you knew you already couldn't get enough like it was the best drug ever. You could listen to her all day and yet, she had said very little to you. It was a strange effect but you liked it.

She fell into a silence for a while just keeping you company as you came to terms with had happened.

[unpopularly-opinionated]

Watched Doctor Strange Multiverse of Madness today and uh...

It’s a bit...messy. It’s hard for me to say I liked or disliked it for a multitude of reasons. It was directed by Sam Raimi and boy does that show because the movie is shot like a 90s horror flick, it’s actually really cool in that aspect. Where it feels messy though is, as you’d expect, with how it fits into the rest of the MCU.

I’m not going to spoil anything explicitly down below, but I will mention vague details that could be considered spoilers so if you want to go in spoiler-free, don’t read this. Basically, the TL;DR is: the movie was good as a Sam Raimi movie, bad as an MCU movie, and overall probably a 6/10.

Look, I’ve watched WandaVision. I thought it was a pretty OK show. It’s where I first began to notice Marvels tendency to all-but-bold-face-lie to you about the direction the show/movie is going in, which isn’t great, and is one of the major gripes I had with this movie but w/e, that’s not why it’s messy. What’s messy I think is just that both A) you really need to watch WandaVision in order to even attempt to grasp Wanda’s character in this movie, and B) even if you do, her character still feels...like a bit of a major pivot from the last time we saw her.

I’ve said before that I like that Marvel seems to be leaning into the fact that, yes, people watch your other movies. Maybe not all of them, but at least enough to get a general understanding that things happen outside of this movie that relate to it somehow. The rub I have isn’t with the fact that you need to watch WandaVision to understand this movie, it’s the fact that even if you do you probably still won’t understand this movie. I’m not sure I understand this movie.

Also, you don’t need to have watched this show, but if you watched the What If...? series too then you basically have the entire cast of characters for this movie. Fuck, you almost even have the plot to this movie.

Honestly, without getting into spoilers, I’ll just say this movie is certainly not helped by being related to a series of movies and shows. It makes previous entries feel a little pointless and future entries a little less interesting.

America Chavez was actually pretty interesting of a character though and I am eager to see where she ends up. Although, I say that but she strangely wasn’t in the movie all that much. Like, she definitely was...but she also really wasn’t. It sort of felt like the movie should’ve been an American Chavez movie w/ Doctor Strange tacked onto it (similar to the last Spider-Man), assuming they wanted it to be a good intro for her character, but instead she sort of got cast aside partway through the movie and then comes back at the tail end, and overall she doesn’t add much but plot-convenience. So...yeah, I might’ve just talked myself out of liking her character but whatever I thought the actress did a good job so I’ll keep an eye out for her later I guess.

Also also, and this is sort of a spoiler, but fuck them for butchering the fuck out of the Illuminati. I can’t help but feel like them adding that in this movie was them saying “see we did it” and then they never do it again because at this point, from a non-comic reader perspective, it might come across as odd to bring in the Illuminati when they showed it in this movie and they turned out to be a bit of a joke.

[hey-its-kay-streams]

HKP's Unsolicited Review of Pioneers of Olive Town

The review will be in parts, including; Characters, plot, mechanics, graphics. Each section will get a score out of 10 and a (hopefully) short commentary.

Intro! I've played a few farm Sim games since stumbling across Harvest Moon, back when it was still ported under that title, as a teen. I had no idea what it was or how it worked but when I was looking for a new game to play, the title caught my interest and the rest is history. The Story of Seasons franchise is pretty extensive and I've enjoyed all the ones I've played over the years. At time of writing I have sunk over 600 hours into Stardew Valley and the announcement of a new Story of Seasons, not a remake, had me excited to get back to the series that had lured me into its universe of crops and companionship in the past.

Characters. 4 of 10

One of the best parts of farming sims is getting to know the townspeople, falling for one of the designated love interests, and starting a family of your own. Story of Seasons has changed how it handles the dating mechanics over the years, recently allowing for same-sex unions, and eliminating rival marriages. PoOT tries to strike a balance between concurrent Town romances and singles, ready to mingle. It does not do it well.

I have not gotten married in FoMT yet because I honestly like all the love interests and while I have favorites, the more I play, I find it harder to commit. In comparison, PoOT's selection feels depressingly flat. As I met the people who lived in Olive Town, I was intrigued by what seemed to be a bigger selection of singles than normal. Imagine my confusion when I realized that a lot of the people I found interesting were townies, and thus, not available to possibly date.

There is some appeal to some of the singles occasionally. A lot of it, for the bachelors is negated by the perception that the townies are also eligible. There are so many pale, blond townies that they just kinda… fade into one another. They all have hints of personality, nothing substantial but the potential I can see makes it so much worse that the game fails to clear the bar.

Damon has a bad boy aesthetic, Emilio is a relaxed but attentive big brother figure, Iori is foriegn and formal, Jack is easygoing and quirky, Ralph is… quiet, I guess he’s supposed to come off as silent but reliable and they don’t get there.

Bridget is family orientated, Blair is the perky waitress, Lihn is demure but friendly, Laura is a capable and amiable guide, Reina is sociable and dedicated to her job.

Lars is dating Beth, very cute background relationship, his eccentricity is tempered by her steadfastness. Jacopo has hints of something with Jeanne but she apparently moved to Olive Town because Karina did, so who knows.

Gifting is disgustingly empty. There are no disliked gifts, I can give everyone the same rock and gain friendship. There are liked and loved gifts and fortunately, reaching 2 hearts with a person gives you a definitive like but, why bother when you have plenty of rocks?

Plot. 5.5 of 10

It’s a familiar tale by now: new farmer taking over a dilapidated farm and you know nothing about doing it. Good times. Local mayor wants to utilize your outsider's perspective to help revitalize and/or save the town. After Stardew Valley, I have no sympathy for ineffective mayors, though Victor seems to be a better one, overall. Our character, Farmer, is just a yes man in this case; Victor has ideas and plenty of invested townies but our opinion is the one that gives him the confidence to follow through. While every plot event asks for 3 items from Farmer, we only have to contribute 1. It's both disconcerting and refreshing to not be the sole implied reliable person in a community.

I can't justify a full 6 out of 10 for plot but it's comparatively solid for an otherwise uninteresting game.

Mechanics. 2 of 10

Crafting.

After the July maker update, I was excited to get back to the game, hoping to find more balanced gameplay. I was disappointed. Don’t get me wrong, the maker update was an improvement but not enough. Makers remain needlessly large, off puttingly slow and each maker has a limit to how many can be placed. Sure, I no longer need to babysit my rows of machines to change out materials one by one and finished products stack but it’s still incredibly inconvenient to use. The crafting menu is clunky and poorly designed. It seems to just unlock as I level up skills but there’s no way to sort to find diys by type or by name. To top it off, there’s no real incentive to make things. Sure , it's nice to be able to make gifts for people but crafted items can end up selling for less than the individual materials making the extra searching and button pressing seem wasteful.

Cooking.

I don’t understand it. Not at all. I thought maybe I accidentally skipped a cutscene or pop up explanation, even checking the guide in the bookshelf. There was nothing. I never eat at the cafe or diner, outside of cutscenes, because I have no idea what the point is. There’s a fullness meter, apparently. And there is no clear indication of how food affects your health. Over it, TBH. I leave food to the sprites.

Storage.

It sucks, fullstop. It’s limited to 12 to 15 storage boxes, same huge size as the makers. The boxes on special areas count toward the limit. Personal inventory is expandable but I still find my inventory filling up during daily gathering, making me run back and forth to put stuff away. Between animals, crops, harvesting and stocking makers, I rarely make it to town which leaves me less interested in getting to know the people who live there. Hovering over an item in storage to box menus gives you no information beyond the item name. When looking for spring seeds, I have to take everything out, and view it within my bag to see what's in season and then go back into the box to put away the excess.

Farming.

Again, the mechanics escape me. There's no clear explanation of how quality works and it is not intuitive at all. If not for dedicated YouTubers and guide sites I would not have learned that I need to make seeds from grown crops to get quality higher than whatever my field maxes out at. The only reason I have to buy seeds once unlocking the seed maker is because the maker is very slow.

Once you plant something, there's no way of knowing what it was until it sprouts, at the very least. There's no map indicator or pop-up when you pass over the item. I like the random varieties that can occur; giant crops, different shapes. I always feel like I should hold onto them, but there's not much redeeming benefit done because of it.

Map.

One thing I actually like. Shows store hours and villager locations, thank the Harvest Goddess. While I rarely use it, I appreciate having it, should I want to track someone down for a birthday gift or something.

Mines.

The first two mines are okay. The third mine, once you get to orichalcum levels, have the most annoying baddies, mole creatures, with an AOE impact and further static electricity. The 1 room areas with 3 baddies are the things of nightmares, rage-inducing, even. Screw that hydroculture plant.

Sprites.

They changed the sprite game up. Why? I can't tell you. Instead of the familiar elf-like creatures, we get egg-like creatures that act as interaction points to fluffy lint balls that we encounter while working on the farm.

Graphics. 4 of 10

I feel like this is the type of game that would be acceptable on the DS line. We have passed that moment in time. Animations are limited, designs are clunky, there is a lot of cosmetic empty space, the dlc areas make the realization of that worse. All wander room, nothing to hold your attention unless you like fishing. The limited voice acting is not necessary, it comes off as synthetic, artificial. Character portraits would have gone a long way to add personality, the perspective of characters emoting in game isn't bad, however, it's just... lacking. I think the flatness of the game overshadows what little charm it has.

Overall. 3 of 10

In conclusion, I'm over this game. If it wasn't a gift from a friend who knew I was excited for it, I wouldn't have bothered finishing the first year. I admit, I'm actually quite disappointed. Right now, I'm not interested in playing further, or even getting married. I feel compelled to at least max all the skills but, I honestly don't see a point.

Here's hoping for a major overhaul update soon. The scores average out to 3.875 out of 10 but I can't bear to give it higher than a 3. In the meanwhile, I'm going back to FoMT, Stardew, and Portia.

If you enjoy the game, please feel free to let me know what you like about it. I’d love to know, honestly, where your favorite parts are.

[aros001]

Going in blind: Watching season 4 for the first time. Random thoughts.

I never said anything about it before but I love Shadow Weaver's DCAU Batman eyes. They're so expressive.

Episode 1: Okay...I wasn't expecting Catra to do that. I mean, it makes sense. If she has leverage over Hordak then she's basically in charge of the Horde and that's what she's wanted (or at least believes she wants) since episode 1. It's an aspect that made her a good antagonist, that she's not blind to the evil of the Horde, she just doesn't care as long as she herself is secure. Which naturally begs the question, when the rebellion and the princesses are crushed, when the Horde is on top, when Adora is dead, when Catra finally has everything she's ever wanted...will she actually finally be happy? Somehow, I have my doubts.

I definitely feel for Glimmer in this. When you go through as big a loss as she did you need to be able to feel and vent if you're ever going to get through it. It doesn't have to be right away but everyone doing everything in their power to avoid the topic entirely can make you feel like you're going crazy. It'a especially bad for her since it unintentionally makes it feel like everyone is acting like it doesn't matter that Angela is gone when it clearly means everything to Glimmer.

Episode 2: I actually had a potted cactus plant once. Accidentally forgot about it and left it outside for an entire winter. Once the snow was gone the cactus looked like it had melted.

I kind of want to see what an interaction between Double Trouble and Clayface from the Harley Quinn animated series would look like. I'm guess Catra was just testing how good Double Trouble was as a doppelganger because it doesn't seem like she did anything while Adora was being distracted, though I suppose that could be a reveal in a later episode.

Not much to say except that I love how buff Huntara is while still clearly being a woman. Like, women can have a variety of different body types, as this series and Steven Universe show, and Huntara's build isn't just, like, Bow's body with lipstick and ponytail and the animators calling it a day. No, she looks like a freakin' jacked adult woman.

Episode 3: I didn't figure out the Flutterina = Double Trouble twist until a minute before it was revealed, so good job there. Before that I was wondering if Flutterina was some fan's original character where they won some contest where their OC got to be in the show for an episode. She was giving off some weird self-insert vibes. That twist made it all work though. It's honestly not a bad plan. Shapeshifters haven't really been a thing in the series before now so there's no reason to suspect it. Even if they did they'd probably be expecting it by way of magic or technology, while Double Trouble's seems to be a natural ability.

I like that even though Bow is definitely the goofier one of the trio he is still consistently shown as competent. That's never in question. He was very heroic and reassuring to the villagers this episode. I get why those kids idolize him so much.

Catra's having guilt over what she did with the portal and to Entrapta and her response is basically to just double-down. She doesn't know any other way to be. Not going to lie, I am kind of hoping we get another moment in the show where Adora just completely overwhelms Catra with the sheer power of She-Ra. I'm not saying like brutalize her or anything but just something where Catra is made to realize just how powerful Adora is and that she could just destroy Catra if she had a mind to do so.

Episode 4: Well, I was saying I wanted Adora to do it but I guess I don't mind Glimmer being the one to get some good shots in on Catra. Like I predicted, Shadow Weaver's moving in to become her teacher like she was with her father. Honestly I like that that was more Adora's problem than Glimmer using her as bait, which she seemed to get over pretty quick. Yeah, it was kind of a heartless thing to do but it was an understandable tactic and she clearly outright told Adora that she did it and why afterwards, which at least means she's still being honest.

It occurs to me that Glimmer and Catra may be the ones running parallel right now. Both are basically leading their respective sides of the war. They both have lost someone very important to them. And both are trusting someone they probably shouldn't. Both even have outfits that've been updated in the intro. The difference is Glimmer's just trying to deal with a bad situation while Catra's is entirely self-inflicted.

Minor thing but I like Glimmer's new outfit this season. I'm sure this is the intention but it makes her look older and more mature. A little more muscular in some shots too.

Episode 5: Heart of Etheria project. No idea what that is but assumedly whoever's a part of it doesn't like Light Hope and Mara being friends. Sounds like it's very much interested in She-Ra being just a warrior, and perhaps a tool, for the greater good. It does make me wonder though how much Light Hope remember from when she was rebooting. Even if she deleted the Mara memory she could potentially still have the memory of her and Adora watching the Mara memory, as well as Adora asking to be her friend.

Episode 6: Yep. Scorpia; definitely favorite supporting character. There is something kind of funny about her whole "Scorpions are loyal" line when you remember the story about the Frog and the Scorpion, where it stings the frog despite it meaning death for itself as well simply because that is its nature. But finally we're having someone go save Entrapta, and I can only assume at some point Scorpia's going to access the power of the Black Garnet.

The parallels between Catra and Hordak are definitely at their max here with that speech of hers to him. She's basically trying to convince herself that she doesn't need anyone, the timing of which is appropriate since she just drove away Scorpia and now truly doesn't have anyone. Not that I blame Scorpia, obviously. Like Adora before her, however good you believe someone can be and that you can help them, at some point you just have to cut the toxic people out of your life. You have the right to be happy too.

And man, Bow is just the best. He saw something was wrong between Adora and Glimmer and defused the situation like (snap) that, pushing them to talk like any sane person would.

Episode 7: I'm sure it is just because I've seen way too many TV shows and movies (both animated and live action) that don't do it but it is just such a relief to have a show where the characters just TALK and LISTEN to each other. It doesn't solve all their issues but they're at least not being stupid and freakin' petty. It helps the drama feel a lot less forced and contrived.

Episode 8: A little bit of amusement in Bow thinking at first that Glimmer and Adora didn't even notice he was gone despite them coming to his rescue very shortly afterwards, given Catra is only now realizing Scorpia has left and assumedly she did so a while ago. Bow and Sea Hawk hadn't been gone for that long so it's not unreasonable Glimmer and Adora wouldn't be worried about their absence (Bow was literally talking about "me time" when they last saw him), while Catra is only noticing Scorpia's absence now and it was because she wanted something. Like Scorpia said, she's a bad friend.

Kind of ironic given that a lot of Catra's issues are the direct result of Shadow Weaver giving her very little love growing up but it does seem this tough love is probably what'll get through to Catra the best. She might finally stop making bad decisions and lashing out if she's forced to live with the consequences of them, like Adora told her last season.

Glimmer gets a bit of slack from me since she suffered through a huge loss, that being her mother, and then was immediately thrown into being queen right after. It'd be hard for anyone to be 100% on their game and well-adjusted in a situation like that, and I buy that she was on some level resentful of Adora for coming back instead of her mother, even if unintentionally so. What definitely helps is that Glimmer very clearly and immediately regretted what she said to Adora. Like Catra she's lashing out but unlike Catra Glimmer recognizes some of the damage she's doing and knows, at least in this case, that she went too far.

Episode 9: Now that I can see the design in color I definitely prefer Mara's She-Ra with pants to Adora's She-Ra with shorts. Honestly, while the differences are pretty minor, I do think Mara's She-Ra design is overall a lot better than Adora's. Sharper shoulder guards. Bigger cape (especially the cape, I love capes). I don't know, there's just a lot that clicks with it and I wouldn't mind Adora getting a similar outfit later.

Madam Razz definitely had a Yoda feel this episode. I was very much expecting her to start wacking Mara with a stick over the sugar like Yoda did with R2. Though while that was Yoda acting crazy, for Razz it's because she experiences time out of order, and I don't think I've ever seen that concept taken to this extent, or at least done this way before. There are characters like River Song from Doctor Who, Professor Paradox from Ben 10, or even the Reverse-Flash who interact with other characters in time out of order but those characters are still on a linear path from their own perspective, even when travelling through time. Razz is just bouncing around her own timeline, seemingly not even any real reason or cause to it like Subaru from Re:Zero. Clearly she's not just remembering things oddly because her talk about things of the present are heard by people in the past and have an effect. I wonder if maybe the reason why is because Razz was at ground zero of Mara's actions and this is a side-effect of pulling Etheria away from the rest of the universe.

Bringing more Star Wars into this, it basically sounds like the Heart of Etheria project has turned Etheria into a magic Starkiller Base; storing power that'll be unleashed to destroy whole planets. And jeez, I think this was the first time I really felt creeped out by Light Hope when she was talking to Mara.

I'm looking forward to seeing what it means that the First Ones only made the sword and that Etheria made She-Ra. If that's the case, why is only the sword able to bring out the She-Ra form? Is it like MCU Thor's hammer and the weapon was just meant to help him control the power he already had? Or is what we think is She-Ra not actually She-Ra and that form that Adora and Mara take is just a stand-in for the real thing?

Episode 10: It didn't even occur to me until now but Double Trouble's capture is another blow to Catra's circle of "friends" too. They were at least able to make her laugh. One less person for her to talk to and just...really just distract her from her thoughts.

It's a good dilemma this episode presents about what to do with the Heart of Etheria. The safest and probably best option is to just dismantle it, like Adora and Bow want, since it could easily lead to the destruction of the entire planet if it goes off. Not the mention there's so little they know about it and what it was intended for and the one person who can potentially tell them, Light Hope, they were warned not to trust. But it's not hard to understand where Glimmer is coming from in wanting to use that power to fight the Horde. They're already losing the war and now she knows Hordak Prime and his FAR more powerful forces are on the way. Tapping into the Heart is a huge risk but she's not seeing any other paths for the rebels to win. It's a really good dilemma, with good arguments presented from both sides, and I buy this widening the schism between Adora and Glimmer.

Episode 11: I have mixed feelings on King Micah still being alive. On the one hand there's a lot of good potential interactions we can now have with him, primarily between Glimmer and Shadow Weaver, and he is a fun character. But on the other I can't help but wonder if this kind of lessens the impact of what Angela gave up to overcome the false reality. Part of what made it so emotional was that she had to accept the person she loved was dead and not coming back...except now we see that he wasn't dead and now he is coming back. Yeah, their family lost out on years together and that does still carry some emotional weight but I was already also half-expecting Angela to come back later in the series because she's stuck between dimensions, meaning there's a chance she could still be alive. If both Glimmer's parents come back then that really feels like it takes a lot of weight out of her story. But I guess we'll see what happens.

Also, why did the Horde exile him to Beast Island? Why not just kill him?!

Episode 12: So the Horde exiles Micah to Beast Island instead of killing him. The First Ones protect their secrets by sending their bad tech to Beast Island. Does no one know how to just destroy things in this world?

Ohhh, I am so looking forward to next episode. While it's debatable whether Glimmer should be going through with her plan she is at least being smart with how she's going about it. Double Trouble was being paid by Catra to work for the Horde, not out of any sense of loyalty. Glimmer has the resources of Bright Moon at her disposal so it's reasonable she could pay them more to switch sides. Double Trouble was very good at sabotaging even a group as tight-nit as the heroes, so Hordak and Catra are probably easy pickings with all their issues.

Episode 13: ....WELL THAT AIN'T GOOD!

I'll admit, I had a little bit of an unintended laugh. After all we've heard about Horde Prime, like this shadowy all-powerful monster, I wasn't expecting the fabulous flowing dreadlocks and smoothness. Credit where it's due, man has charisma and charm, which goes a long way in helping your big evil world conqueror not be a very flat character, because it's doubtful he's going to have the same kind of sympathetic motivation as Hordak or complexity as Catra to keep him elevated.

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Double Trouble kicking at Catra while she's down. Adora and Scorpia were honest but they never wanted to hurt Catra. Not so much with Double Trouble and they just shove reality into her face. Everyone leaves Catra because of Catra. She's the common factor. It's her fault and no one else's. Again, I don't know for certain if Adora and Catra get together at the end (Catra would have a LOT to make amends for regardless) but Double Trouble was definitely implying Catra had feelings for her with the way they put Catra's hand on "Adora's" cheek while talking about how she left her.

I like that we see Glimmer's plan actually working at first. The princesses get a massive power boost and decimate the Horde forces. But the minute it starts going wrong she immediately admits Adora was right and she tries to stop the energy flow. I imagine having her there with Catra was intentional by the writers. Despite some parallels, Glimmer can actually accept her failures and work to try and fix things. Unlike Catra, she didn't blame Adora for things going wrong.

So the sword allows the First Ones to control She-Ra and the energy she'd be absorbing from the planet. Assumedly that means there are at least some parts to She-Ra that have nothing to do with the First Ones and thus maybe Adora can still use some of those powers without the sword.

Season 4 verdict: Yeah, the show keeps getting better, though I will admit last season's finale had me more emotional, but that's a bit of an unfair comparison given everything that happened in that finale vs. this one. This is definitely the series hitting its darkest hour, where it feels like EVERYONE lost. Not just the rebels but the Horde as well. The sword and Light Hope are gone and She-Ra (for now) along with them. Glimmer and Catra are basically prisoners. Hordak's probably going to have his personality stripped away. The Fright Zone is in ruins. The only one who's gained anything is Prime.

Really looking forward to what the final season has in store, especially since there seems to be the implication that Catra just saved Glimmer's life.

Original Reddit post: https://www.reddit.com/r/PrincessesOfPower/comments/o1j5gk/going_in_blind_watching_season_4_for_the_first/

[yue-muffin]

I am finally (finally!!) finishing Yuri on Ice. I started watching it when it first came out, then got impatient of waiting week by week for the next episode, so I figured I would binge watch it when it finished airing. Long story short, got busy and never finished it (I did listen to the soundtrack a bunch though).

So, I figured I would finally finish this show! I’ve been a super casual fan of figure skating since the 2014 Sochi Olympics and I knew a skating anime was going to come eventually, after Hanyu won the gold, so I was really stoked to watch YOI too, haha. Life just happened and I forgot about it.

(Not going to lie, I hate watching sports, except for equestrian events and archery occasionally, but I sat down for a brief moment and that so happened to be when Yuzuru Hanyu was skating his SP. It was the most serendipitous moment of my life haha.)

(But I really do mean “super casual fan”. I never dedicated the time to learn all of the terminology and don’t expect me to name any of the jumps. This will also be a super casual live blog.)

Episodes 1-2

Episode 1

When the animation for this anime is good, it really is good. I feel like skating is a bit tricky. If it’s not done right, it’ll probably look rather choppy since so much of the sport is flowing lines and the amount of athleticism it takes to make good performances look almost effortless.

I really like the opening sequence for this reason. The transition from their child-selves to their adult-selves and the reflection of one person’s career. I feel like I have no comments regarding the opening song. It’s got a catchy beat, the animation is gorgeous, and it’s one of the more memorable anime opening songs I’ve heard. It just fits the theme of the show so well, too.

The Makkachin phone cover is so cute. The amount of detail that went into this show really astounded me. The lanyard clasps and the words on his ID? The website? 

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to really hate chibi-cut-ins and those little interlude infodumps/intros that are common in anime (I think they work best in a manga medium, personally...), but that’s a personal thing.

First time I watched this, my reaction to Russian Yuri was “lol what’s your problem?? edgy little brat”. Still is haha. “I greatly object to sharing a name with a LOSER” is the vibe he gives off. He’s also lucky Yuri is a nice guy and didn’t just punch him for getting so up in his face and screaming at him.

Well, now that was just cruel. He’s having one of those “can it GET any worse” days, to which the universe answers “yes, yes it can”. I’m sure we’ve all had those days where nothing goes right and you just want to curl up and die (aka sleep) until it’s all over.

If there is one thing this show really did well as early as the first 3-4 episodes, it’s depicting Yuri’s mental state. His crushing disappointment in himself, everyone around him trying to cheer him up or talk about what comes next while he’s still just living in the moment, trying to get through the rest of this day.

Ha, my name is pretty common where I grew up, especially at the time I was going to school, and I relate so hard to turning because you hear your name only to realize no one was actually talking to you. Even worse for Yuri because it’s Viktor talking! His idol! Also, I felt it when he froze and walked away after Viktor asked if he wanted a photo with him.

Not going to screenshot everything, not going to screenshot everything...

Yeah, even in my hometown I never knew anyone who skated - ice or roller skating, aside from birthday parties. I personally have two left feet and I’m lucky I managed to stand on the ice without falling, but I never did figure out how to move. My dad had to pull me around (I was 10 or so?). But also, that scene adds some perspective to how Yuri is seen by others, which is important given we live in his head as the watchers of his story. It’s clear that his thoughts of himself don’t necessarily reflect what the public or his friends/family think of him.

A large part of the charm of this series, for me, was that Yuri feels like such a real person - him and his story, his doubts and his hopes (even his weight gain haha), are really relatable even if ice skating is so far removed from myself.

I’m only screenshot-ing dogs now.

Tiny Yuri is so cute though, with his little doggo! 

Haha! And his little blush watching Viktor on tv.

Cuteness overload haha Yuko is so cute?? I love how everyone in his life is supportive in their own way.

Doggos only! Utterly adorable.

Ah, as usual, the live commentary over the skating that I half like because I have no clue what’s going on, but the other half of me just wants to listen and watch in peace lol

No comment on the double performance aside from: ALL THE BUDGET. But honestly if you’re not going to go ham on the performances (especially the best ones) in an anime about ice skating, why even bother lol.

Yuko had triplets. Triplets. I cannot even- (haha I love kids, I work with them for my job occasionally but having THREE of my own to go home would sound like a nightmare).

Doggo! But actually I just really like his apartment. I really like that they gave Viktor a standard poodle Yuri a miniature poodle because I feel like everyone including myself forgets the big floofs exist and in fact are the “standard” size, not the tiny guys.

HERE COMES THAT SCENE. The one that made the internet explode. I kind of still remember the night it aired, lol. I also can’t believe they got the green-light for that, haha.

I also love the social media posts in the ending. Social media in anime is always fun, it’s such a huge part of our lives nowadays. The little glimpses into the lives of the other skaters is not only fun, but makes them feel a little more alive, especially because they won’t be the center of the story.

Episode 2

I promise this one isn’t going to be as long.

This “farewell” gives me live action drama vibes. It’s hilarious.

Under the table! I can’t with the adorableness. Also, now I’m hungry.

I-Is it ok for him to be scratching the tatami like that.

It took me forever to figure out that the random English is likely because they’re supposed to be speaking in English to each other lol. It just makes sense.

At least one of the kids learned their lesson and asked before uploading haha.

Viktor not so subtly trying to find out if he likes or is dating anyone is hilarious. 

And Russian Yuri has a cat! I forgot about that. He does give off alley cat vibes.

Yuri, you literally just had an “ah-ha!” moment, but then couldn’t resist posting a pic of your new buy on social media lol...

I feel like people either like him or hate him (Russian Yuri), but to me he’s just such a teenage boy. They can be assholes sometimes, you know?? And hopefully they grow out of it haha.

I love Yuri’s smirk haha. Yup, don’t engage. He’s an angry 15 year old, you’re a grown ass adult. It’s really hard to forget age differences in anime but what self-respecting adult is actually going to have it out with a teenager being unreasonable?

I also totally forgot they nicknamed Russian Yuri, Yurio in the actual show lol.

OUCH that self-doubt.

The Makkachin tissue box...

Anyways, the first unofficial competition of the show starts next episode! I did see that one when it came out, but I think I stopped after episode 3...

[wondermail]

Top 5 pmd dungeons :-)

YES I WAS HOPING SOMEONE WOULD ASK THIS AND YOU AND MARIA BOTH DID THANK YOU LOVE YOU GUYs. POKEMON MYSTERY DUNGEON

Also since all the dungeons themselves are pretty much the same in terms of gameplay I’m going mostly by the music because that is what makes them memorable for me

1. Brine cave literally my favorite song it is so so good and like it has so many different melodies in the same song. The second half lower brine cave is also good and I think it does a good job of setting the tone between the two halves, and this dungeon is where the endgame begins in my opinion, story wise.. and the scene that comes after this dungeon well if you know you know <3 But it does a great job of setting the tone 10/10

2. Sky tower I gotta put this here because I feel like objectively it is the best dungeon theme from the whole series like it has the best composition even though it’s not my personal favorite. I remember thinking the actual dungeon was kind of underwhelming at least compared to temporal tower IMO. Also people who say the red rescue team version is better are literally insane. Blue is better

3. Fortune ravine Ough the intro is so cool I like to just listen to the first ten seconds over and over also Wigglytuffs special episode makes me feel so so sad. But I think the theme does a good job of conveying like the wonder of finding the secret place especially from a child’s perspective. The dungeon itself does get minus points for all the times I played it the first time around when ARMALDO died but IGGLYBUFF didnt. And being stuck with pound as your only damaging move sucked

4. Temporal spire this one is unique because you know. Um the clock ticking. I remember playing this dungeon for the first time and putting the speaker up to my ear thinking HOW did they make that noise come out of my DS? The part at the end right before the loop is so good too mannnn. And the progression is really awesome because like. You know how usually at the waypoint between the two halves of a dungeon, they’ll be a cutscene at the beginning, right when you enter? But the temporal tower/spire waypoint the cutscene is actually at the END, so it’s like you finish the first half and it’s just... silence. While this music plays. Such an impactful moment of the game Takes my breath away I would expand on this more but I don’t want to say spoilers since some of my friends are playing the game right now

5. Dark wasteland I had to throw in one of the future dungeons. I can’t even say much about this one but Grovyle <3 Also it’s tied with Barren Valley. But I will give this one the upper hand since it doesn’t have the DRAGONITES

[burnouts3s3]

Valkyrie Drive: Mermaid, a review

(Disclaimer: The following is a non-profit unprofessional blog post written by an unprofessional blog poster. All purported facts and statement are little more than the subjective, biased opinion of said blog poster. In other words, don’t take anything I say too seriously.) Just the facts 'Cause you're in a Hurry! Manufacturer’s Suggested Retail Price (MSRP): 50 USD Digital Copy (MSRP): 17.99 USD How much I paid: 50 USD. Animation Studio: ARMS Licensed and Localized by: Funimation Entertainment Audio: Japanese Audio with Subtitles and English Dub available.   English Cast: Kayla Hardwick as Mamori, Morgan Garrett as Mirei, Brittney Karbowski as Meifon, Janelle Lutz as Akira Hiragi, Monica Rial as Charlotte Scharsen, Roseanne Palmer as Kasumi Shigure, Tia Ballard as Rain Hasumi, Jamie Marchi as Lady J and Cynthia Cranz as Torino. Number of Episodes: 12 Episodes Length per Episode: 25 Minutes on average. 21 Without Intro and Ending song. Number of Discs: 4 Discs in Total. 2 DVD Discs and 2 Blu-ray discs. Episodes per Disc: Episodes 1-7 on the 1st DVD disc. Episodees 8-12 on the 2nd DVD disc. Episodes 1-9 on the first Blu-ray disc with Episodes 10-12 on the second Blu-ray disc along with the special features. Does this come a digital voucher to redeem?: No. This only has the Physical DVD and Blu-ray discs. Also on: Amazon Video, Funimation Now, Funimation’s streaming service that requires a subscription. Bonus Features: Textless Openings, Textless Ending and Trailers for other Funimation Licensed Shows. Episode 3 Commentary. Notable Localization Changes: Meifon, the smuggler character who wears a pink cowboy hat, is given a southern accent by her voice performer, Brittney Kowbalski.   My Personal Biases: I never really invested in the Valkyrie Drive franchise before and never played any of the games the anime is adapting. Sorry. My Verdict: Trashy, lurid, gaudy and with enough fanservice to make even the most perverted of us blush, Valkyrie Drive: Mermaid is sure to give its intending audience the happy ending they want. It’s too bad that in 12 short episodes, there’s just not enough there, emotionally or lore wise, to get invested in unless you’ve already have backhand knowledge of the games. Wait for a sale. A/N: Okay, since I don’t want the moderators to flag this post, I’m going to have to put an explicit warning here. So while I won’t post any nudity, I will have to Age restrict this post just so I don’t get any flak. Valkyrie Drive: Mermaid. a review 

Girls from all over the world have been infected with a mysterious virus known as the A Virus (Armed Virus). These girls are divided into two classes; Extars, who can transform into weapons when sexually aroused, and Liberators, who have the power to wield an Extar's weapon form, known as Liberator Arms, through a process known as Drive. These girls are brought to separate islands to spend their days completely isolated from the rest of the world until the islands' Observers, authorized by the government Organisation AAA, ostensibly deem them ready to rejoin society again. Valkyrie Drive: Mermaid follows an Extar named Mamori Tokonome who forms a partnership with the Liberator Mirei Shikishima on the island called Mermaid.(For our friends not fluent in Japanese, Tokonome shares a very similar writing as the word ‘Virgin’ in Japanese, which Togonome is.). Mamori and Mirei are caught between a conflict between the Wärter, the island’s government that lives the castle, Veste, and those fleeing it. With Governor Akira (a supposed male Liberator that’s actually female) trying to be fair, Charlotte getting delusions of grandeur and wanting to rule with an iron fist and Kasumi attempting to be fair to the girls, the Wärter is in constant conflict. Those attempting to flee join up with Ms. Torumi, a kind soul who offers shelter for girls looking for freedom. Meanwhile, a sneaky smuggler by the name of Meifon is trying to earn a profit from the war. Along the way, Mamori and Mirei meet other Liberators and Extars, such as the team Lady J and Lady Rain in which one transforms into a ridable motorcycle. Other liberators, such as Charlotte, have their own harem of Extars and arouse multiple ones to form a multi-part weapon. Let’s get this out of the way. Yes, it IS in fact Soul Eater but with Lesbians. And the show isn’t afraid of being explicit about it. We are talking full-on nudity with lots of exposed breasts flopping around, bouncing and lots and lots of shots of nipples erecting… and hardening… Christ, this makes fanservice driven series like Kannazuki no Miko or Strawberry Panic look like the chaste Maria-Sama ga Miteru. On the technical side, everything is very well done. The animation for both the action and fanservice scenes is well animated, the music flows scene to scene (even if I couldn’t really remember any pieces that stood out) and the voice acting for both the Original Japanese and English dub is well-done. So, if you’re looking for lots and lots of scenes of girls kissing each other, breasts flopping around with the viscosity of jello and scenes of action with naked girls, have I got a show for you. Story wise, I found the series rather lacking. Seasonal shows really need to be careful with their pacing. With a limited 12 episode run, VD:M is already bursting at the seams with an overly long 4 episode prologue establishing the characters, the setting, the divide between the girls going along with Charlotte and Akira’s lawful order, Kasumi’s wavering allegiance and Torumi’s group of rebels and Meifon’s smuggling between the 2 sides. There’s a sense of urgency that the peace can’t last and conflict is unavoidable. But, not so urgent that we couldn’t have two light-hearted episodes involving one girl becoming Kaiju sized and another episode with a beauty contest in a cultural festival.

Boy, this season of Attack on Titan got WEIRD. When the main big bad does rear her head near the final 4 episodes, the show does a good ‘enough’ job establishing the backstory between her and Mirei, but you get the sense that maybe, had the show paced itself better, it would mean more. Yes, the final battle with all the girls joining together at the end is impressive to look at, but emotionally, I just wasn’t feeling it. If the show were as committed to giving me emotional turning points as it was fan service, I would’ve been more impressed. The characters are also rather lacking (writing wise). While Mirei is certainly admirable and one of the most likable of the cast, Mamori doesn’t really change much (character wise). Granted, the show pays lipservice (no pun intended) to the idea that the more courageous Mamori is, the more powerful the weapon she becomes, but there’s never that moment where Mamori ‘saves’ Mirei or gives her the comfort Mirei needs like the way Himeko comforted Chikane at the end. They instead fuse to one super being. It feels like at one point Mamori was supposed to have the final turning point and be the one to rescue Mirei, but Mamori just ends up being captured and put into the damsel role again. I also liked Kasumi and her dubious allegiance with the rebels as well as Meifon, getting into all sorts of trouble for some cash. I’m told by fans of the franchise that in peripheral media, some of the other couples get more character development. For example, the team of Lady Rain and Lady J were actually on opposite sides of a war but intentionally got themselves captured just to be together or that Governor Akira actually has a female lover back on the mainland and longs to be with her. Again, I am not here to judge what’s in an appendix. What’s in the show is in the show and it’s clear the TV producers weren’t interested in those stories to begin with, so why should I?   Funimation Entertainment did the localization for the show. And for the most part, the dub script stays as close as it does to the original Japanese version. Granted, Funimation has always played it loose with dubbing scripts and this is no exception. The English script contains lots of innuendos and sex jokes to make the English viewers chuckle (i.e. “I caught and she pitched.” “Let’s go digging for treasure” “I’m gonna let it all hang out!”) Karbowski adopts a southern accent for Meifon so thick, I thought I was listening to Nico Robin from the 4Kids dub of One Piece. (I’m aware that localizers tend to translate those with Kansai dialect and give them a Southern accent and Karbowski seems to be doing this accent winking to the audience and having fun with it). Special credit should go to Janelle Lutz as Akira Hiragi, managing to perform dual roles as both masculine and feminine variations of the character. The rest of the cast does a good job voicing their perspective roles. Monica Rial does with she can with Charlotte and Cynthia Cranz as Torumi seems to especially fit the role of a motherly caretaker for lost girls. (Yes, I find the fact that one of the characters is voiced by the same performer as Chi-chi and Botan very disconcerting). THE ORIGINAL JAPANESE AUDIO WITH SUBTITLES IS AVAILABLE FOR THOSE WHO PREFER IT. The package includes the OVAs (Original Video Animation) which are short videos of each of the girls revealing motivation and backstory as well as a lot of nudity with nipples becoming more and more erect. Lots of them. What’s weird is that the OVAs are also dubbed with the cast members. Funimation didn’t even dub the OVA for Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid. CAVEAT: It’s very strange that the series suddenly wants to take a more dramatic turn with emphasis on character development and history, but still plays out in a very fanservice driven anime. In some ways, I was enjoying the show more when it wasn’t really about anything and just amped the fanservice up to 11. With the exception of a few characters, I wasn’t invested in the goings on and 12 episodes is too short for me to have nostalgic feelings for Mermaid Island. For 50 USD, Valkyrie Drive: Mermaid is a bit on the steep end. While the animation, music, fight scenes and… PLOT are all well done, emotionally, it doesn’t have much to offer. Then again, I don’t expect emotional substance out of show where half the teenagers become sexually aroused and transform into weapons. Those looking for a happy ending (in both senses of the term) will enjoy this. Verdict: Wait for a sale or rental.  

[ebachan]

Sonic’s Movie is Good

Okay, I have heard quite a few ridiculous claims Sonic’s Movie will suck despite the redesign. That is quite a claim with nothing to back it up. Or almost nothing.

Not much is known about the plot, but before we move to it, let’s remind ourselves what each Sonic game was about.

Games:

Sonic 1

Sonic 2

Sonic 3

Sonic 3 & Knuckles

Sonic A1

Sonic A2

Shadow the Hedgehog

Sonic Colors

Sonic Generations

Sonic Forces

Sonic and Black Knight

Sonic ...

Uuuuf... Let me catch my breath first, I’m not that fast as Sonic ;-)

So, here we have a small sample I cooked up at the spot. So, what is the plot? It can be summarized in four words - Save the world/stop Eggman

Okay, theoretically it’s five... But, my point still stands.

So, people kind of complaint Sonic’s Movie is about him saving the world = simple/primitive even. (Do I get it right?) If “saving the world”-trope/plot is lame, I guess LOTR or Star Wards are lame too. After all, they are “just” about saving the world as well.

Now, please notice the sarcasm. I use it when dealing with close-minded humans. Thank you for understanding. My point is - every story has a theme. Being it save the world, go on an adventure, or solve a mystery. I have somewhere read an article about Seven Main Plot Lines in Books (Maybe it was more of them ^_^;). Each book, no matter how awesome it is, can be categorized in one of those “cliché plots”.

Surprisingly, it doesn’t make them bad or boring. Do you go and read a book to know how it ends? Yes, some books have shocking ends you don’t expect. With some, you know how it will end - hero will beat the baddie and lives happily ever after.

Well, how about the journey in the middle? Isn’t it the most exciting part of the story? It sure is. It can have anything - humor, action, adventure, mystery, romance, angst, twists, character’s growth, world building. The list can go on. The end is just a cherry at the top, it’s the middle part that sucks us in. 

In other worlds - Stop judging Sonic’s Movie based on the premise. It’s stupid.

What do we know for sure:

Sonic is an alien.

Different planet, but in one universe

Or different dimension means two different universes like in games.

Government is after Sonic

You telling me this is stupid? I would be knocking on my forehead if no military was involved when Sonic appears, especially after the shockwave knocked out half of the continent. You can’t ignore him. This part reminds me of Season 1 of Sonic X when Sonic was chased by humans to find out how he ticks.

Also, this has E.T. vibes, and nobody says the premise of a human kid helping a lost alien to escape from the government to return home is stupid ;-)

In other words, Sonic is a too big deal to be ignored by the military. They have to take action.

Pair up Sonic and Tom

No problem here. We often see two unlikely individuals joining forces to beat bigger baddies. It provides nice dynamics and often helps both parties to see the world from a new perspective.

Game inspiration

There seems to be still the confusion about what type of story Sonic’s Movie tells. I think it was even officially stated, that this movie is a prequel to Sonic 1 and partly Sonic 1 too. So kinda like Sonic 0.5.

It tells how Eggman/Robotnik and Sonic became enemies. The game never explained this, nor why Eggman wants to conquer the world. At least that Amusement Park of Death is an original tidbit :-D So, in a way we can get some answers or the alternative way how to look at their frenemies relationship from games.

We can also get more about how the Two Worlds (Mobius, Earth) are connected. For me, I still can’t wrap my head around it. It kinda feels they made it up to cover some plot holes, but whatever. The idea itself is interesting.

It has a lot of Easter Eggs but introduces Sonic to kids

There was a test screening during January/February and here is the comment from that person (found on Reddit).

The movie aims to bring a new origin story for Sonic and Robotnik. Its main goal is to introduce children to Sonic the Hedgehog as a character, but at the same time throw references and pay homages to details from the original game series for the longtime fans. It aims for a PG Rating.

He gave the movie a 7/10 grade. “It’s geared towards new fans with respect for the older peeps. Just go into it knowing that new kids will fall in love like we all did at one point.”

About how the movie was like, he said that “ Id say it is more TMNT with reference to story and action balance. It’s a solid mix between engaging action which continues to develop the bromance between sonic and Tom.”

“Its definitely being targeted towards youth demo. It seems their goal is to intro sonic to the next Gen of fans. More so with access to their parent's wallets for the spin-off merch and happy meal toys. I enjoyed it similar to seeing transformers. Don’t expect the green mile storytelling but turn your brain off and just enjoy for what it is, The cast does a great job” Robotnik is only called by the Robotnik name in the movie, no mention of the Eggman name at all.

It's about 90 minutes long

“ It’s a good balance between giving the old fans something but introducing him to kids. I went in not knowing it was gonna be screened or any expectations. Cheesy but enjoyed it from start to finish. Jim Carrey kills the role.”

“ Action scenes were great in storytelling and execution wise. Effects weren’t complete so a lot of it was still early CGI and the hidden actors playing sonic. At one point he was just a blue doll on the counter lol”

The post contains some “plot” for the movie, so I won’t post more. I actually skipped once I noticed this ;-)

I don't know how you, but I’m going to watch this movie no matter what! 

@movie-sonic-positivity @movie-robotnik-positivity

[pkmn-fangamer]

Pokémon Uranium Review

Intro:

Enjoy the region of Tandor, with over 150 new original species of Pokémon, complex characters, and many secrets to discover. Become Champion, complete the Pokédex, and beat the many challenge modes available; it’s time to prove your worth as a trainer! Pokémon Uranium, at its core, is a homage to the original Pokémon games, which have been in the hearts of many of us since childhood. Coupled with a serious storyline and slightly harder gameplay, this fangame is aimed towards a slightly older audience: one that often remembers Pokémon with nostalgia.

How to Play:

Go to Pokemon Uranium’s Reddit here, which gives several download options and further instructions.

Story:

-Light spoilers below-

The story of this game is unique and interesting. For the most part it is strongest at the beginning and the end of the game, though it’s not particularly weak in the middle. There is a cut scene at the beginning of the game in which your mother is working as a scientist at a nuclear power plant, where she disappears during an accidental nuclear meltdown. Your dad, Ranger Kellyn, originally from the Almia region, is struck with grief, and becomes obsessed with his work as a ranger. You, the main character, are forced to live with your elderly Aunt, and later become a Pokemon trainer and assistant to the local professor to financially relieve her.

If you find the above summary of your first fifteen minutes of game play intriguing, you’ll probably enjoy the plot of Pokemon Uranium immensely. I certainly did- the game’s story mostly took itself seriously, getting dark in a few places without getting too edgy.

The biggest difference between main series games’ plot and Uranium is the lack of your average evil team. The enemy in this game is both physical and philosophical. I’ll only get into it partially, so I don’t spoil it too badly. The main enemy are Nuclear-type Pokemon, and whoever/whatever is causing the meltdowns of nuclear plants across the region. But these plants were obviously created by humans, and in turn Nuclear-type Pokemon are also in way man-made. Nuclear Pokemon may be the obvious enemy in this game, but the human perspective is also lightly explored, and for this I was glad.

This is also the first fan game I’ve played through in a while with genuinely interesting characters. Your rival is a bratty child at first but matures and develops as a person by the end, for example. Additionally, your absentee father may seem distant and uninvolved in your life at first, but eventually you grow closer to him too, as you battle Nuclear Pokemon alongside each other. Many of the gym leaders are also interesting past their gimmick, and are encountered not just in their gyms, but are also present in another part of the game that you’ll just have to find out for yourself.

Score: 9/10

Pokemon:

The Pokedex of this game contains exactly 200 Pokemon, about 150 of which are original Fakemon, the rest being Pokemon selected from various regions. At first, I was puzzled as to why some real Pokemon were included, but then I later realized that many of these Pokemon were either given new evolutions or mega evolutions, which in the main series are sorely needed. The best example of this is Dunsparce’s new evolution, Dunseraph, making it a strong Dragon/Flying type Pokemon. However, a there are a few main series Pokemon that are included without any improvements being made to them, so their appearance does confuse me a bit, though I’m not totally against their presence.

The Fakemon in this game are overall likeable. The starters are all well designed, and in my opinion are some of the best Pokemon in the game. They are unique because they’re only two stage Pokemon, with all main series starters being 3 stage Pokemon. I picked Orchynx, which is a Grass/Steel cat Pokemon, and there was never a point where I regretted my choice. The rest of the Fakemon are pretty good- there are some designs I’m not the biggest fan of, but this can be said about many official Pokemon too. The Fakemon range widely in abilities, types, and movepools- which brings me to my next topic.

Undoubtedly, one of the biggest gimmicks of the game is the new Nuclear-type. Nuclear Pokemon are weak against every type except themselves, but their new Nuclear-type moves are super-effective against every type but Nuclear and Steel-types, and doubly so against Pokemon with more than one type. This makes these Pokemon super interesting to use- the strongest of their types can be the ultimate glass cannon in battle if used correctly.

There are both Nuclear versions of main-series Pokemon and some original Nuclear Pokemon present in the game. The former are much more numerous than the latter, and I wish there were a few more original Nuclear types, but I understand coming up with new Pokemon for a new type must be time consuming and difficult.

Score: 9/10

Gameplay:

The gameplay of Uranium is great overall. While the game is contained in a single region, there is an East and West segment that makes it almost seem like there are two different regions in the game. The West half that you begin on is land-based, and the East half is water-based, on an archipelago of islands. The wealth of different cities, areas of interest, and routes are sure to give the player more than enough to take in and explore.

For those of you curious, I would put the difficulty of Uranium at a bit above the average main series game. It’s not horrifically hard, and not much grinding is necessary until towards the end of the game. A balanced team will help you get far, and I’d say it’s rather important to have a Steel-type, Nuclear-type, or both on your team to help you get through battles with Nuclear Pokemon. However, if you’re looking to bump up the difficulty level in playing, having neither of those types will definitely help challenge you.

HMs are present in this game, but there are items that you can receive later to replace them. It is nice that these items become available later in the game, but I wonder why HMs exist at all in the game if the creators were willing to replace the HMs with items. I would have preferred receiving these items rather than HMs from the get-go, but it is pleasant at least that you don’t need HMs eventually. My biggest gripe about HMs is how late you receive HM Fly in the game- not until winning your 8th badge. Luckily, there are various methods of transportation available, like subway and boat, but paying for these services and coordinating which methods work in what town is a little tedious.

In general, the gameplay of Uranium is very polished. There are so many tiny features that make this game more playable than even main series game, still without making the game too easy. One such feature is the Pokepod, your main technological device. In it, there is a Jukebox used to listen to any in-game track, your region map, and a phone to call the regional professor, and store numbers of trainers looking for rematches. A Pokeball is present next to trainers who want rematches, and best of all, your opponent’s rematch team has levels that are scaled to be equivalent to yours. This makes grinding much easier and more enjoyable.

Score: 8.5/10

Art/Music:

The overworld art resembles Gen 4 graphics in a way that is creative and original- I can barely find a tile that was imported directly from Gen 4, aside from some overworld character sprites. The landscapes are varied and nice to look at, many of them being based on the country Brazil. My favorite city is Venesi City, which is a beautiful port city based on Venice, Italy.

The in-battle art and animation are fantastic as well, based on Gen 5, with your Pokemon and your opponent’s actually moving around a bit. There are also many moves with great animations. However, there is also a fair number of moves lacking any animation. This bothered me a little, but perhaps it could have been a glitch? Either way, the battle scene is very polished- almost every new area has new background art accurate to whatever time of day it currently is. With how much time is spent battling in this game, I appreciate the effort put in to make it look as nice as it does.

The music in Uranium is about a 50/50 split of well-composed original OSTs and re-orchestrated versions of tracks from other generations. Since these re-orchestrations are well made and contribute well to the game’s atmosphere, I don’t mind the lack of original music in these spots. I especially enjoyed that the diving theme was a slower, more beautiful version of the in-game surf music.

There is one more important thing of note before I move on, and that is the ability to choose a well-designed, non-binary player character. Gamefreak should really pay attention and implement that feature (but I know they won’t). Fantastic job on inclusivity in this area, and I especially loved the proper usage of pronouns depending on which appearance you choose.

Score: 9.5/10

Misc:

If you play Pokemon fan games, or have even heard of them at all, then you probably know at least a little bit about the incredible rise and forced decline of Pokemon Uranium. I urge you to read about what really happened here, according to one of the creators, @oripoke. I don’t have much more to say about this topic without getting heated about it, so I suggest checking out the provided link here if you’re at all interested.

Because of the cease-and-desist order from Nintendo, the community for this game is a little more hidden than it would be for a famous fan game. However, you can find an extremely helpful wiki here, and the main discord here.

Overall:

I’ll begin my conclusion by saying that this is the third time I’ve attempted to finish Pokemon Uranium, and boy am I upset that I didn’t stick to following through with this gem of a game earlier. Uranium truly does have just about everything fans could want- a game with a slightly deeper storyline than main series games, with nearly all new Pokemon (and even some old ones, if you prefer), a new region to explore, and even a new type to spice things up.

I would gladly recommend this game to Pokemon fans new and old. This is a polished, pretty product, and you won’t find many other fan games as complete and polished as this one. There are almost no glitches- the only one that I experienced was the music cutting out occasionally, but the game can easily be saved and rebooted to fix this.

Usually I have more to say in this ending section, but I think that’s all for my final thoughts. This game really is just a work of art, and because of its interesting plot and gameplay, I can see myself picking Uranium up and playing it through again in a few years, possibly even more than once.

Final Score: 9/10

[ettadunham]

A Buffy rewatch 5x10 Into the Woods

aka Team Buffy all the way

Welcome to this dailyish text post series where I will rewatch an episode of Buffy and go on an impromptu rant about it for an hour. Is it about one hyperspecific thing or twenty observations? 10 or 3k words? You don’t know! I don’t know!!! In this house we don’t know things.

And today’s episode does a fantastic job with its characters, and portraying conflicts in a way that’s understandable from all perspectives… But I’m still with my girl, Buffy on this one. Stop putting your issues on her.

You know, I always say that I’ll be quick and short with these posts, and then I end up trying to organize my thoughts about Buffy’s depression over two hours anyway… This time though, I really do got a time schedule, so if this post ends on a half-thought, just know that I’m probably running to catch my train for my vacation trip as you’re reading this.

So let’s talk the episode. I was actually sort of reminded of Dead Man’s Party with this one, as the poster child of blaming Buffy for dealing with her trauma by distancing herself. However, Into the Woods is a much needed improvement on that scenario, as Buffy’s rebuttals on Riley’s ultimatum are given the necessary weight, and she gets to go off and express her feelings about him putting the blame on her for his actions.

(Both episodes have also been written by Marti Noxon - you can always count on her for your ugly self-reflective arguments and dramas.)

When she tells Riley that this is all she can give to him, this is the whole package, and if that’s not enough for him, then that’s not on her and they got some serious problems… I felt that. Especially as this is a period in Buffy’s life where her depression is starting to affect her life more and more. There’s quite a large part of me that just wanted to give a big old fuck you to Riley right there and move on.

And yet I also get what Xander was trying to say when he convinced Buffy to try and give it another shot. Sure, we can talk about all the textual ways in which Xander relates to Riley, and what this scene might mean from that angle… But whatever else is going on there, Xander’s speech comes from a genuine love for Buffy. He wants her to be happy and not to make a decision she might later regret.

Because as much as Riley’s ultimatum is bullshit, as much as it’s not on Buffy to make that decision for him… Sometimes, we have to compromise for the people we love, and let go of our egos. We can’t always wait for the other to take the first step to mend our conflict.

The problem is that Buffy is especially wary about those compromises after Angel. To recap, season 2 and season 3 was basically one big lesson for her about not losing herself in another relationship. So yeah, it’s no wonder that Riley feels a distance from her.

But this is who Buffy is now. Someone who learned to rely on herself, to not make one person the center of her universe. Someone who is going to be struggling with depression for the rest of the series. I don’t think that she could be who Riley wants right now, and I kinda hate that we are making her feel bad about that.

Especially since Riley’s problems go well beyond Buffy. He made Buffy the center of his universe, because he’s lost his previous purpose in life with the Initiative, and he can’t handle that he is not Buffy’s whole world in return. There is some commentary here about ex-military and veterans too, who decide to go back to war because they can’t find their place back in society… But I do feel like most of that gets lost with all the relationship stuff.

Which is not necessarily a bad thing; this is some meaty relationship drama after all. But there was some potential for other angles too for sure.

Speaking of emotions, I’ll also be the first to admit, that the ending with Xander’s speech to Anya, and then Buffy walking home got to me. It’s a great speech, so much so, I don’t even take issue with the “you make me feel like a man” part. This is Buffy the show after all, and for Xander, being comfortable in his own type of masculinity is kind of a biggie. It also makes a nice full circle with the last scene in The Replacement between Xander and Riley.

Earlier in the episode, Buffy accuses Xander of treating Anya the same way she does Riley, but Xander is actually ready to take those first steps towards Anya. Both Xander and Anya are willing to compromise for each other, and that’s what makes their relationship work at this point in time.

Meanwhile, as far as Riley goes… He’s been a character that I always wanted to like. He gets a lot of flack just for being a love interest opposing other more popular ships, and that makes me automatically want to go into protective mode over him… But the truth is, much like all of Buffy’s love interests, he’s terrible in his own unique way.

He’s always been insecure about his masculinity with Buffy, and he never really got over that. There’s a whole lot of casual sexism and entitlement that comes with his package too, and worse, he rarely seems to be self-aware enough of those. I just also feel like he’s not in the right mindset right now to be in an adult relationship, and I wish that he expressed that more to Buffy, instead of putting her in the impossible position of making his life choices for him.

And while there’s a lot I was able to sympathize with in this episode, that whole shtick about Buffy “needing some monster in her men”? Give me a fucking break. It puts Riley into this Nice Guy light, and portrays Buffy as a Bad Boy magnet, and you know what, fuck that. There are plenty of reasons why this relationship is falling apart, and Riley not being “enough of a monster” or whatever the fuck he and Spike were going on, is not one of them.

I liked seeing a bit of a darker side to Buffy here though. Good old Marti knows how to bring out the ugly in the characters you love, and Buffy burning down the house, and then killing the girl that was feeding on Riley as she was running away… That was some quality repressed rage.

(Just don’t think about the sex work metaphor with those vampires…)

Oh yeah and the first 10 or so minutes with Buffy’s mom’s surgery? Once again, all the feelings. Buffy and Joyce’s wig talk was a delight as well.

We’ve also got a bit of an intro to the next episode, with Anya calling out Willow for mocking her weirdness. So that one should be fun.

See y’all in a week or so.

[residentlesbrarian]

Magic, and Princesses, and Horses...Oh My!

Of Fire and Stars by Audrey Coulthurst

For the first review in this series I am going with one that I picked up while I was at ClexaCon 2018. I had the lovely experience of getting to meet Audrey Coulthurst during a panel and in Artist Alley. It was a pleasure to have the opportunity to sit down with her for a moment and talk about building fantasy worlds and how she and her editor worked hard to make sure the world that Of Fire and Stars takes place in has no concept like homophobia. We deal with that kind of hate enough in reality it doesn’t need to be in our fantasy worlds as well. Now onward to the review!

Unicorn Rating:

Blurb: Two princesses who couldn’t be more different are forced to ride horses together and magic happens. Literally! A great show of LGBT characters and their stories taken into the fantasy realm.

Disclaimer: I will try my best to not spoil anything from the book, but my book loving rambles may give more away than a traditional review. Here we go! Ramble time!

Review:

This book as a whole was far too much fun to read. I tend to shy away from high fantasy novels, even in the Young Adult vein, because they try too hard and tend to have ‘yikes’ level themes, but this book did an excellent job of immersing me in the world without forcing me to slog through an introductory lore dump cringe-inducing interactions. It did an excellent job of pacing out the necessary lore as we needed to know it without forcing it into the narrative. As a writer myself I lean more toward third person narration, but I can enjoy reading first person if the characters are engaging. This book does that really well, even when the perspective switches between Mare and Denna, it would be incredibly difficult to confuse which character is the narrator at any given moment.

The other aspect of this book overall that I genuinely enjoyed was the absence of homophobia. As I mentioned in my intro I knew about this aspect before I even opened the book, but it was still so pleasant to not have the constant sour taste of homophobia coloring the drama of the story. Don’t get me wrong, there is drama! Oh boy, is there, but the homophobia is refreshingly missing. Let’s look at the plot a bit now shall we?

I found the plot of the book was simple while also being twisty enough to not know what was coming next everytime. I did predict a few things before they happened but as someone who had timed contests to try and figure out the murderer in CSI episodes with my dad, I’m real good at figuring this kinda shit out. So surprising me is an accomplishment to say the least. I think the plot could have been a little stronger in places but it definitely kept the pace up and moving when it needed and slowed down for the more personal scenes with our heroines. Speaking of which let's dive into some character talk.

Our protagonists are Mare and Denna or more accurately Princess Dennalia and Princess Amaranthine. And let me tell you I love these two girls so much! They are very different in pretty much every aspect of their lives, and it shows in their interactions with each other and those around them.

Denna won me over quickly with her palpable nerves about meeting the prince that would one day be her husband, but also her immediate want to help in the struggles of the kingdom. As a middle child who always felt the need to excel in what I was doing I could really relate to Denna and how much she put what was right for her family and country before her own personal wants or needs. This chick is smart and is gonna be one hell of a queen some day if certain people, I’m looking at you Prince Thandi, would just get out of her way and let her help.

Mare, on the other hand, puts up the facade of not caring at all about being royalty when she genuinely does care about her family and the people of Mynaria. She was a delight to delve into, because she felt so genuine and real. I will admit I have a weakness for the more closed-off characters who have that extra depth to them. I like the ones that make me dig for the good bits, and Mare gave me my fix. Nothing about her character fit the usual mold of the princesses that society is used to. She was foul-mouthed, wore pants 9 times out of 10, and honestly just wanted to ride her horse as far away from the castle as possible, but the more we get to know her the more we see a girl underneath all of that.

As far as the romantic subplot, all I will say is it was masterfully done with the right tension filled moments and soft caring ones paced perfectly. I am weak and gay! I am a sucker for the rough and tumble character who is softened by the eternally optimistic one, gets me right in the feels every time.

The only other character point I want to talk about in this review before wrapping up is the relationship between Mare and Nils. Without ruining anything, Nils is a guard in the castle whom Mare has known for most of their lives. Nils on his own is a good character who is a bit of a Fabio but always respects the women he woos as far as we see. Which is not at all surprising with how we see him interact with Mare. From my interpretation of their relationship has not always been the platonic one we are treated to in the story. Whether Nils wants more to happen there or not is up to you, but the fact is he doesn’t treat Mare any differently regardless. He is there for her as comfort and a confidant when she needs it and I loved it so much because you don’t see that between queer female characters and their male friends very often. There is always an uncomfortable tension written into those interactions the were refreshingly missing here.

For my final thoughts I just want to say as a writer I really appreciate the way the story building was built into the story. Do I still have questions about the world as a whole? You bet I do! But those questions didn’t keep me from enjoying this story thoroughly and has me very excited for the sequel coming out later this year.

Queer Wrap-up: Okay, so now to talk about the brass tax. Why did I give this book five unicorns? There are two queer main characters who we get to spend time with and watch the plot unfold around them both. We get a world where Denna is more concerned about her personal feelings hurting an alliance that has been in the works since she was born, than the fact hose feelings happen to be directed at another woman. This book shows what I wish we could see more of in fiction, especially YA fiction. It shows our protagonists being unapologetically queer while also having to deal with everything else the plot requires. Outside of the romantic subplot their queerness is just another part of who they are. They aren’t defined by it and it definitely isn’t a weakness. I will say I was torn between giving this four or five, but it was the platonic relationship with Nils that actually pushes it over for me. As a queer woman who had a lot of guy friends it was so refreshing to read a relationship that fit my own friendships for once. Good on you Of Fire and Stars, five unicorns for you!

Links:

Audrey Coulthurst’s Website

Goodreads

Amazon

To close up this review I just want to encourage you to give this book a shot if you are a lover of high fantasy and want to read about princesses being badass, quick witted, and just...so gay. Also if you want to read this but don’t want spend the money without knowing for sure you are going to like it, go to your local library. You’d be surprised what they have on their shelves just waiting to be discovered. Trust me, I’m a lesbrarian.

[amisbro]

A “Kind of serious” UtaPri Q

“If there was one thing you would change about UtaPri what would it be?” Content distribution Allow me to explain this for you UtaPri ,as we know it, as almost been around for 10 years.  Its official “start date” was back in 2010 on June 24th and in that time there was a lot of content that came for the STARISH members and also later for QUARTET NIGHT especially when you consider they have now been in a game since the Debut and All-Star. Now you think about THAT and then you think about where this post is about to go and I promise you some people are gonna get mad...not my intention but let’s discuss this

So Uta no Prince-Sama started as a franchise officially in 2010 and as an Anime in 2011 when Maji Love 1000 came out (Henceforth called “ML1K”) and it was basically the season long story of how STARISH was formed and then later in 2013 they were given Maji Love 2000 basically where they again were the main focus (and that’s fine) but we also met the trio that would gum up things for the STARISH in HEAVENS and we know their story.  They were a “Trio of Amateurs” as Shining put it that would face off against STARISH at the UtaPri awards and there would be more on the line than JUST an award as Shining and Raging put up the futures of the groups in which STARISH wins but as we know HEAVENS gets saved and comes back as a 7 person group at the end of Season 3. NOW...here is where we start to talk about the idea of “content distribution” By the time that Season 2 came out there had been (and I checked this) 2 games that featured QN in some way:  Debut (which was their intro into the series) and then All-Star Now I have stated before that I think if you wanted to do the idea of a “rivalry” with STARISH and QN it should have been around here (considering at this point there was at least a game or two of content for QN) so the idea of having to “create” the group to be the rival for STARISH from a “Made up” Agency (i.e. one not in the game canon) to me was kind of “Huh?” (and this mind you comes from me when I never read the stories for any character in any of the actual games). But alright now STARISH is going to beat HEAVENS the first time...fine and as some might not be aware I was happy about that cos I assumed (and I found out I was wrong seconds later) that HEAVENS was going to go away and then NOW we would get on with the STARISH/QN rivalry. Looking back on this here is what I was kind of hoping would have happened Okay you want to give an OVA for the Shining Agency..I’m fine with that.  The issue comes with HEAVENS For some reason after they wrote it where HEAVENS would lose the thought enters your mind (or it does mine anyways) “What did HEAVENS losing accomplish?” Here is why I say that HEAVENS losing makes sense IF  - They are going to disband OR  - We are going to get an OVA or some kind of content chronicling them on the road to going to face off against STARISH again.  I think I once made the suggestion of an idea where what you would do is have STARISH win but HEAVENS gets saved and then simultaneously have something where they have an OVA/Season to chronicle the formation of the 7 person group for HEAVENS.  The issue if you did a season for it would be I dunno how many people (especially those on the STARISH side) would have watched it BUT it could have made them very sympathetic characters for Season 4 (not that Season 4 didn’t succeed on some level but it also caused a great divide too). This is where I get a little bothered What I would like to know is this How many people in the fandom AFTER the UtaPri Awards season wanted to see something related to the content to develop HEAVENS as characters?  I’m not saying your a “bad person” if you didn’t care one way or the other but it would have helped if you had a way to get to know at least the Trio BEFORE Season 4 started so that you had them and then we could intro the other 4 characters...would work right? The other thing that could have been done was to create a Drama CD just of the Trio so that you could really get behind HEAVENS and start to cheer them on if you wanted to...it wouldn’t have been a bad idea and it would have worked out I think..they didn’t though and that is kind of a bother. Like the point I am getting at as far as getting to Season 4 is that HEAVENS could have had some content wrote for them to make them more appealing and likable and I know that might not have been financially viable but it could have been a very interesting revenue stream if they just THOUGHT about it! NOW...I’ll hear this argument (and its not wrong) “Broccoli didn’t know what they were going to do with HEAVENS at this time” This isn’t wrong because you ARE right!  Broccoli didn’t know they were going to add HEAVENS into Revolutions or Legend Star so their loss in ML2K would have been a perfect ending and then if you wanted to go with STARISH and QN then its perfect! NOW...I’m going to tell you the biggest flaw about not just the content distribution but also the way the story was wrote. I have heard this argument when it comes to HEAVENS “Their role was to make STARISH better” Here is why I have had an issue with this logic Putting QN to the side for a second...in the context of the timeline between STARISH and HEAVENS whom is the senior group? While you are pondering that allow me to then bring this into the equation QN is the Senior group of all three of them in storyline.  No matter how you write it or want to believe it QN’s role should be (and kind of was) to make STARISH better.  THAT made sense because they (again in theory) are the Senior group to STARISH NOW...get back to the question How the hell is a group of Amateurs (”HEAVENS”) supposed to be in the position to “Make STARISH better”?  It doesn’t make sense from a STORY perspective because of the fact that HEAVENS became the “up and comers” but for some reason Broccoli panicked come Season 4 and didn’t want to tell that story.  That is why most of the Duet singles really sold like s**t because they didn’t do the job to make BOTH PARTIES in the duet likable and they REALLY F***ED IT when they botched the Mighty Aura episode which was the first one in the set!  How the hell do you get one part of the fanbase to like HEAVENS when you take arguably the most popular Seiyuu in STARISH and f**k the story so damn bad to make it look like something that DIDN’T FUCKING HAPPEN! Like I have ranted about this before but the story SHOULD have been wrote so that STARISH helped get HEAVENS to look better in the public eye (both in the Anime and in the real world) so what I would have done is okay you have the drama parts for each episode and that’s fine BUT if the HEAVENS member went to the STARISH member (or vice versa) to find out what was going on with them that would have helped greatly...it also would have made it to where I wouldn’t have literally had my blood pressure go up every week wondering how the STARISH fans were going to take to each member.  Eiji ,Shion ,Kira...they were gonna be the easy ones in my head...Van was a wild card (turned out to be a dork) and then you had Nagi ,Yama and Eiichi...we know how the last one went! Going back to the original point of this post “Would more content have made HEAVENS more sympathetic to STARISH fans?” I think yes because...especially with Eiichi we could have SEEN that there was not a lot of happy times going on with that household and Raging being a shithead to Eiichi...I can only imagine what he was like to Eiji! We would have gotten to SEE the struggle between Kira and his family in a flashback and we might have gotten to see why Nagi had the complex he had...now sadly if we were to get THAT someone would accuse the series of biting off of another idol series everyone knows (And I’ll say this now...I have no issue with Tenn as much as I did but I’ll still take Nagi over him if you pressed me). Like I could list the # of things that Broc could do but trust me that would take me for fucking ever!  Okay NOW they are getting a radio show and NOW they are being put in as “side characters” to the STARISH/QN show but what is that going to accomplish for the western fans? When it comes to Dolce they’ll be the “forgotten group” because we know when they were announced to be in the game I can PROMISE you that I was more hype than probably a lot of people on this site!  Fine but try to act like you are happy for those that might not fall into the “Main 2″ fandoms (and I say this with me also being a QN fan). People wonder why some of us get annoyed with Broccoli and I will repeat it that its a whole thing about “content”. Whenever Broccoli announces most new goods or when show some art it HAS to be HEAVENS attached to QN and STARISH.  They COULDN’T have done just something for HEAVENS for Halloween it HAD to be with those two for promotional stuff that had to do with the Movie that no one knows fuck all about yet!  You want me to get happy about the Halloween art cos...why?! Then you just have to face this reality} STARISH fan will never get why HEAVENS fan is pissed off and some (not all) don’t give a f**k...you’re lying if you claim you do. You don’t HAVE to worry because you got the ENTIRE story basically to be centered around you and you got your two big wins...meanwhile you want to claim HEAVENS are equals?  HOW?! HEAVENS will NEVER be equals to STARISH or even QN as long as they are tied to them...FACT!  If QUARTET NIGHT wants to do the job that STARISH should have done I will be all for it but I can’t see Broccoli allowing QN to do that because they (Broccoli) still plug their ears and act like everything is fine.  Maybe for STARISH and QN fans because they got their cute little MVs...anyone remember what the fuck they did to promote HEAVEN SKY? THEY DID A STILL FUCKING IMAGE! You mean to tell me the company that has a franchise that probably prints the most money for them right now COULDN’T AFFORD TO ANIMATE SOMETHING FOR HEAVENS TO NOT MAKE THEM LOOK SECOND F****ING RATE?!  HOW THE F**K DO YOU ACCEPT THAT?! It just blows my mind on a personal level and people can say I make a mountain out of a molehill...I just care alright?  I care about as much about HEAVENS if not more than most people would THINK to put out content on here for UtaPri and that is a FACT!  I probably get more people pissed off and annoyed because I go off like this but you know why you get mad at me?  Cos you know deep down there is a little bit of truth in what I say and in gnaws at you that someone that has only been around the franchise for 4 years is more annoyed with HEAVENS treatment than most that have been around for the entire eight and that pisses you the f**k off! To that I say this GOOD...now you can know what its like for someone like me and also what it was like for me to watch Eiichi get snatched up by his daddy and no one in the UtaPri fandom on the STARISH side gave two shits! If you’re mad its cos I got through to you...if you aren’t then maybe you SHOULD BE!

[livingwithashipname-blog]

Ermanda’s Inner Sanctum: Scorpion 3.12 “Ice Ca-Cabes”

This episode is amazing!  The comedy works so well juxtaposed with the highly emotional drama.  I’ve come to expect this when an episode has a 12-14 minute intro that explores the personal storylines and mission setup before the first commercial break.  It showcases Cabe’s role as father and friend to the entire team, especially Walter with whom he has history, and how the team mobilizes to protect one of their own.  Every character does something they wouldn’t normally do and these moments of vulnerability also enlighten them in other areas of their lives.  This episode is another in season 3 that takes good advantage of the 10 pm time slot to the satisfaction of the adults in this fandom.  The content of this episode definitely places it in an elite category for the series.  In my opinion, it matches the cinematic greatness of 2.13 White Out with its content and structure.  This episode also serves as a bridge between the first half of the season and the second and puts the developments of season 3A into perspective.  As always, there are elements (hints and clues) that signal possible future developments and I am intrigued by all of them.  Here are my highlights!

Cabe & The Team

Cabe may be older muscle of the team and is their government handler, but he is definitely more than that.  He has adopted every single person as his own child and shares his life uniquely with each of them.  In return, they do or say things that show their appreciation for him.  Sly agrees to catch a snake (hello Super Fun Sly!); Toby gets emotional and recalls their boxing training days (a moment when they bonded); Quintis, Paige, and Sly (the members of Scorpion in romantic relationships) help him with his new love interest, Allie; and Walter expresses his love for him and deems him irreplaceable despite his “everyone is replaceable” statements at the top of the episode (I see you, Walter!).  He trusts them even when their efforts to save his life have a low chance of success.  

His most recent highlighted relationship this season is the one he has formed with Happy.  This new bromance will be called Cappy thanks to Marine (aka. @tesnea​).  They have been spending more time together than usual as they became roommates for a couple of weeks while his home was repaired to remove mold.  Based on Happy’s comments in previous episodes, they have enjoyed each other’s company.  Happy has even changed her vocabulary from all the exposure to Cabe’s lifestyle at times.  He shares his MI-inducing love of meat with her.  Talks about about his happy wedding memories.  Gifts her his mother’s brooch for her to wear on her wedding day.  Happy gets inspired to go through with a wedding because his memories give her that final push. She acts as a wingwoman.  She’s a little sad that he’s going back home.  It all feels like Cabe making memories with the daughter he never had an opportunity to raise.  With the impending Quintis wedding, something tells me that Cabe will be serving a special role in it.  

Then there is Cabe’s longstanding relationship with Walter.  It’s one full of dependence, heartbreak, and forgiveness.  Compared to Paige, Cabe has more experience with Walter’s personality.  He always knows when to give Walter the best advice.  Usually Walter’s life is in danger and Cabe works with the team to save him, but this time it was Walter’s chance to save Cabe again.  This moment of potential loss pushes Walter to verbally express his love for Cabe, creating another triumphant father-son moment between them.  Since this is the first time Walter knowingly utters the words, “I love you,” to the person to whom he’s speaking and the other person acknowledges, I wonder how far he will take this.

Carpe Diem: The Waige Flip

If you have been following my episode reviews, then you are already aware of my analysis on this season’s Waige flip.  Take their dynamic from season 2, reverse it, and you get Waige a la season 3.  Let me quickly reiterate for new readers.  Paige’s journey this season in the Waige dynamic shows her chasing after an idealistic desire instead of a realistic need.  It creates this internal conflict that is confounded by miscommunication as evidenced in episodes 3.05, 3.07, and 3.11.  Walter is making moves to better himself since he faces the potential to lose Paige.  This is interesting considering that the previous year was riddled with him not capitalizing on prime opportunities with Paige.  

Right now she is angry with Walter over his treatment of Tim and, by extension, his departure.  Remember that Walter mended fences with Tim before he left.  Walter apologized for driving him away, but Tim reassured Walter that his departure is a personal choice and doesn’t blame him for it at all.  Paige did not hear this conversation.  The last thing she heard Walter say to Tim was that he would never be a part of Scorpion.  And she suggested that Tim take the new job opportunity after a discussion with Toby that she initiated.  Therefore, her anger is expected since she associates Tim’s departure with Walter’s lack of acceptance.  It all manifests in her words to Walter in the car ride to the hot spring and again at the hospital.  She says some things he needs to hear.  But the way she questions Walter’s emotional potential is an interesting development in the Waige saga.  It's a confirmation that she is blinded by her frustration. Question is: who reveals the missing piece that puts things into perspective for her?

Quintis Teamwork

Happy and Toby always work great together.  Every time I think about how they have used the skills of the other during missions this season, I recall the song, Make Me Better by Fabolous feat. Ne-Yo.

🎤 I’m a movement by myself But I’m a force when we’re together Mami, I’m good all by myself But, baby, you, you make me better 🎤

This episode is just another addition to what we’ve already seen in seasons 2 and 3.  And the “I’m proud of you” parallel (thanks @honey41283!) with a forehead kiss… LOVE IT! 

Toby, You Good?

I have to call attention to the foreshadowing elephant in the room.  Toby expresses his desire for more positive reinforcement from Happy in 3.11.  While we know she has done this in the past with her words in pivotal moments, we know she struggles with consistency in the smaller moments.  And then there’s her aversion to PDA in the garage when others are present.  In this episode, he makes a gambling reference to talk about the risks involved in Operation: Save Cabe.  Toby is usually resilient.  When he isn’t, he’s neurotic and overbearing.  He’s always available for quality analysis for his friends.  But who comes for Toby when he can’t help himself?  I smell a Quintis shift. 😉😉😉😉  

Growth of Our Robots

Walter and Happy have the lowest EQs compared to the other geniuses.  So it is no surprise that we know more about these two characters’ lives than anyone else in the series - virtues, vices, childhood, parents, love interests, etc.  The emotional growth we’ve seen up to this point is absolutely beautiful to watch, specifically in terms of recognition and public acknowledgement.  Happy’s intent for her Christmas gift to Toby in 3.11 and Walter’s statements to Paige in the hospital in 3.12 take me back to a moment in 2.04 Robots.  They are satisfied by the notion that their genius and reliance on math and science make them emotionally rigid until their choices in a life-or-death situation cause them to admit that more facets of their personality are at play.  Even though Happy and Walter’s emotional growth is highly influenced by the efforts and actions of their love interests, these two characters manage to push one another in a unique and respectful way as friends when they talk about personal matters.  

H: In case we don’t make it out of here, I just want to say I’m not really a robot. W: Thank you for clarifying.  I did know you weren’t made of circuitry. H: We both play a good game of denial.  It might be the one thing where I can beat you, but… right now my dad is up there trying to save me.  A man I’ve been looking for for 25 years.  I just never expected to want to live as badly as I do right now. W: I saved nine sailors’ lives instead of us.  I… supported that act with calculations.  But perhaps there was… some sentimentality attached.   H: And, uh, you let that certifiable lunatic stay in our garage. (chuckles) W: Uh… Maybe we’re changing. Maybe… maybe I’m not a robot either.

So when Walter expresses his sorrow over the fact that his failures are as frustrating as his triumphs in this episode, I can’t help but love him even more!  Seeing Happy yell emotional demands makes me confident in her ability to provide positive reinforcement even though she casts doubt in her overall success.  And here it comes…

HOLY CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!!!

Drabbles…

Happy (to Cabe): Speaking of shacking up, isn’t that the cutie that’s hot for your booty? (pause) Oh, man, I’m starting to sound like Toby. 😂😂😂😂😂

Cabe has been spending too much time around these geniuses.  He couldn’t even catch the hint from Allie! 😂😂😂😂😂

Sly: For Cabe, I will catch [a snake] with my bare hands. (turns to Happy) I got to borrow your pliers to pick up the snake. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

The look on Walter’s face when he realizes that he must get naked to complete the task at hand… 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Walter and Paige trying to sneak peeks at each other… #scandalous 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

The sexual innuendos in the Waige hydrogen sulfide capture scene… ROTFLMAO!!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 So much stimulation and yet no fingers were involved! 😜😜😜 Somebody come pick me up off the floor!  I have to go back to work!  

That little quip about Quintis kisses… 😂😂😂😂😂😂

The Hawaiian shirts… adorable fashion disaster! 😂😂😂

The whole dialogue when Walter and Paige get made… cantaloupes and weiners, anyone?!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Toby throws the tissue box at Cabe at the top of the episode and gets hit with one by Paige at the end.  Love the comedic prop link! 😂😂😂

Kudos to wardrobe again!  Love Paige’s blouse and Happy’s plaid shirt. 😍👍🏾👍🏾

Kudos to makeup for their work on Robert Patrick the episode! 👍🏾👍🏾

Kudos to the Scorpion writers for another all-time favorite! 👍🏾👍🏾

[notesfromthepen]

10 THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW BEFORE COMING TO PRISON... or any other place you'd rather not be for an extended period of time

This is the first few chapters of a nonfiction book I've been working on. Rough Draft. I wanted to share it with you. Feel free to comment, critique, or rave about the words to follow. Again, ROUGH draft. So, without further adieu:

10 THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW BEFORE COMING TO PRISON... or any other place you'd rather not be for an extended period of time...(working title)

(intro)

I never thought I'd be here, in a cell, writing a book about prison that I hope no one ever has to read. But since this is the country responsible for this here book's largest group of potential buyers anywhere in the world—inmates—it does make a bit of sense. I guess it's only right that the hard-earned knowledge between these covers is laid down where it was picked up, born in the place it's most likely to come in handy: America, land of the free, home of the slaves...

So you're headed to prison.

DON'T PANIC.

Take a deep breath. Contrary to popular belief, and every instinct you possess, this is not the end of the world. If it makes you feel any better, I know what you're going through—millions know what you're going through. You're not the first to walk through those gates, and you won't be the last. You're just the most recent member to be inducted into the storied fraternity of America's Prison Industrial Complex; a fraternity in which your humble author is a fellow a card-carrying member.

Our current national charter of incarcerated brethren boasts upwards of 2.3 million members. From coast to coast, brothers and sisters, as varied as the colors of the rainbow, call this place home. In running for the saddest statement ever put to words, America's inmates are, quite possibly, the most eclectic and non-discriminating society in the history of this great nation. Send us your poor, your weak, your huddled masses. It doesn't matter your gender, your nationality, your race, creed, color, sexual orientation, or religious beliefs, you will always have a place in America's prisons.

I'm not here to judge you. It's not my job. I don't care what you did that lead you to the point in your life where you're thumbing through this book. I stopped asking those questions a while ago. Which brings me to the first of many rules.

Rule number 476: don't ask questions you don't need the answer to.

I'm here to help smooth the transition, to save you some time and, hopefully, the blood, sweat, and tears it often takes to gain the hard-fought knowledge kept between these pages.

Think of me as your cultural liaison for the prison industrial complex that has claimed you as property for the foreseeable future.

Being new to rule # 476, you might want to ask, who the fuck am I to be giving you advice? It's a good question. I mean you don't know shit about me.

If you want to blend in you need to know the locals and speak the language. So feel free, at anytime, to access this database.

Chapter 1 Perspective

Before we get into the dirty details of your newly minted prison life we need to build a foundation, something to support the rest of the shit you'll need to know about incarnation.

Ironically, the first thing you need to know about surviving prison has nothing to do with the actual intricacies of prison life; it has to do with mental fortitude, and it's something you must develop on your own—if at all possible—before ever setting foot on a prison compound.

The secret to life in general and especially surviving a serious prison sentence is to develop a deep understanding of these four words:

It's all about PERSPECTIVE.

There is nothing more important to surviving, and even thriving, in prison than your perspective. In a place that renders you this helpless, with so little personal control, nothing will protect you longer, or kill you faster, than your personal outlook. Once your freedom has been stripped away, your ability to develop a healthy and unshakable perspective will be your safety net throughout your sentence, and you're truest act of freewill. 

The first step in affixing your perspective is finding your core; the gravity that will hold you in orbit through the emotional rollercoaster of prison life.

Prison, and life in general, is full of reasons to either feel sorry for yourself or to feel blessed. Look to your left and you'll find someone, usually a real undeserving asshole, with an account full of money who's just a week away from an unconditional release. Look to your right and you'll find someone, often a good person, who has truly changed their life, someone who genuinely understands the tragedy and magnitude of their crime, who's serving a life sentence without the possibility of parole. Just a few inches to either side is someone who's got it better and someone who's got it worse. It's up to YOU to choose which direction you will train your attention.

The point is universal. EVERYONE, even the person to your right, with the life sentence, has something to be grateful for. It's up to you to pick yourself up, stop feeling sorry for yourself, and find your core. Maybe it's as simple as LOVE, knowing that you have someone in the world who cares, someone who puts money on your books, maybe it's that you have your health, your kids have theirs, or just the fact that you have an out date and will again have a chance at freedom when many will not. Whatever it is, only a whiny coward will sink into despair and self pity when faced with struggle. A real man, a real woman, will stick their chest out and meet whatever challenge is around the corner, with fortitude and determination.

Look deep enough and you will find this hidden strength within.

As crazy as it sounds, the best form of perspective control is the glass half-full perspective, even in prison...especially in prison. If you can mine every situation for the gold within, rather than the piles of shit you will undoubtedly have heaped upon you in here, you will be able to make it through anything.

ANYTHING!

I'm not suggesting this will always be easy, but nothing worthwhile ever is.

For the sake of your sanity, you must also learn to differentiate between the controllable and uncontrollable circumstances you find yourself in. In prison, the scales will lean heavily in favor of a seemingly endless series of uncontrollable situations with rare, but brief moments, of actual control. In most cases, our perspective may be the only true form of control we actually possess; a realization that's simply easier to come to behind bars than in the real world.

Once you gain the ability to see a situation as beyond your control, you must let it go. I mean really let it go. There's a Buddhist saying that if there's a problem that you can fix, there's no need to worry because it is fixable, and if there is a problem with no solution, something that you can do nothing about, then there's no need to worry because, after all, there is nothing you can do. The point is that anxiety is at best a wasted emotion and, at worst, a destructive force all together. If you have to meditate and be a Zen master then so be it; if you have to look at it as a pragmatic and logical approach to remove pointless emotional distress, then do that. There is no one-answer-fits-all approach. Do what works for you.

"It could always be worse."

Make these words your unending mantra. "It could always be worse." Words that may initially seem hollow, considering your circumstance, but believe me, they are anything but.

Are you blind? Are you deaf? Are you in constant agonizing pain? Are you in the midst of a never-ending cluster migraines, or on the verge of death at the hands of an incurable disease with no friends or family to put flowers on your grave after you've gone to dust? If not, then things could undoubtedly be worse. And if you are the ONE inmate, blind, deaf, alone in the world, with a terminal case of unending migraines, well this book alone may not be able to save you, and for this I am sorry.

For the rest of you: "Things could always be worse."

Chapter 2 Quarantine

So the gavel has fallen. You've been stripped, shackled, and stuffed into a transport van headed to prison. Your first stop in the prison industrial complex: quarantine.

Quarantine is the cocoon you enter as a free member of society only to emerge a short time later as a ward of the state, another chrysalis or monarch butterfly of the prison industrial complex. Quarantine is where masses of inmates from the varying counties, or jurisdictions, of your state are housed to be examined, sorted, poked, and prodded before being shipped to their corresponding prisons.

The time spent in this weigh station is meant to be temporary but institutional overcrowding and lack of available bed space has lead to much longer and, often, miserable stays. What was designed to be no more than a week or two can stretch into several months. Like many transformative experiences, it will be one of the more uncomfortable phases of your incarceration; it's an abrupt exposure to a strange, alien, place, completely unwelcoming with absolutely no frills, harsh C.O.s, and a population of temperamental and newly incarcerated inmates. I spent just over a month in this state of convicted limbo.

But remember—it could always be worse.

Think of it as a month long, chaotic and rather violent, waiting room. Most of your time in quarantine will indeed be spent waiting; waiting to see the doctor, the dentist, the psych, the counselor, the orientation presentation, the quartermaster, and on and on until they have built you up and dressed you out as they see fit for your incarceration. In fact it's great preparation for the rest of your sentence; a master's class in waiting, with a minor in lack of control.

Fortunately, like every situation, quarantine is a blank slate. While they poke and prod you looking for reactions, as they run you through the mill and jot down the results into their little clipboards, you should be doing your own experiments in information gathering; you should be taking your OWN notes.

Life, and the Universe for that matter, is fractal in nature. Look close enough at anything, no matter how seemingly unrelated, and you will see the same systems, mechanisms, and lessons at work; mechanisms and lessons that can be applied across the board. Myamoto Musahsi once said, "Find the way in ONE and you will find it in ALL," or something like that. The point is, if you can master one thing—truly master it—you can master anything, because the qualities it takes: the traits, the insight, the self awareness, the discipline, and the commitment it takes to master one thing—no matter what it is—can be applied to the mastery of anything.

This perspective is the alchemy that will allow you to turn any circumstance into opportunity.

The good thing about quarantine is that it's as close as you can get to a practice run in prison. It's a month long chance to calibrate, to test the water and yourself around other inmates who are doing the same—most of which you'll have the comfort of never seeing again.

You will start with intake. If you're being transported from a large county you'll be with other inmates, which is a good thing if you want company; a bad thing if your past—specifically your case—is something you'd rather leave behind.

This is a good time to talk about the consequences your case can have on your comfort level while incarcerated. Even civilians know that the nature of your crime can determine your level on the prison hierarchy. When it comes to categories of crimes, the social structure is less like a pyramid, or a ladder, and more like a raised platform in a lake of shit.

Pretty much everyone is on the platform: the killers, the thief's, the drug dealers, the drug addicts, the extortionists, the con artists, the arsonists, the assaulters, the involuntary killers, the drunk drivers; they're all commingling in a nice big felonious-platform mixer.

Sure there are certain crimes that are more, or less, admired. Beating a child rapist to death, for instance, will get you more cool points than passing out in a pile of your own shit behind a police substation with a half ounce of heroin dangling from your shirt pocket with a needle in your arm. But other than having a hilarious shit story, the junkie will still be on the platform. There are only two things that will certainly keep you from the platform: a CSC case (criminal sexual conduct) and snitchin'. Either one is nearly guaranteed to keep you knee deep in shit. Though, as you'll find out, nothing in life—and especially in prison—is entirely black and white. 

So arriving at quarantine alone may be preferred if your goal is to hide. Though keeping a secret in prison is more difficult than you might expect—come to think of it, it's nearly impossible.

Rule #932 Keep quiet.

The only group of people more concerned with gossip than a squad of high-school cheerleaders from the Valley, are prison inmates.

I, arrived at quarantine with company. His name was Tate and it was his second bid. Tate was an easy going, slightly goofy, guy. You'd never mistake Tate for an alpha male—in appearance or demeanor—which gave me a little extra confidence knowing that he'd survived his first prison sentence relatively unscathed, but more than anything it was someone to talk to; someone who wasn't a complete stranger. Plus, having Tate there made the cramped, three hour, ride to quarantine infinitely more bearable. At least I had someone to share this experience with.

Whether you arrive by yourself, or in a group, the path ahead is whatever you make it. But remember this, no matter who you’re surrounded by—in prison—you’re always ALONE; it's just the nature of the beast. It doesn't mean you can't build real and meaningful relationships. On the contrary, the "foxhole friendships" forged in extreme circumstances can be some of the realest friendships of your entire life but, when the lights go out, you'll still be alone. We are all doing our own sentences, battling our own demons, and walking our own paths. 

Rule # 658 You are alone.

An inmate's path is not wide enough for two people to walk at the same time. You can SEE each other, you can TALK to each other, you can even bond with each other but you can't walk on someone else's path.

Upon arrival at intake, you'll shuffle your shackled ass into a room where the transport officer from your county will un-cuff you and strip you naked so he, or she, can take the shackles and clothes back for the next unlucky bastard to make the one way trip.

This is a good first lesson.

Rule # 88 Nothing in prison is ever really yours.

You may have bought it, stole it, or had it issued to you. It may have been in your possession for a few days or for twenty years. It may have your name and number engraved on it but, make no mistake, it is not yours. Do not confuse possession with actual ownership. The minute a corrupt CO takes it, breaks it, or the institution decides that it is no longer an approved item, it becomes contraband and is either destroyed, discarded, or absorbed back into the system for reuse.

After being stripped searched again, this time by a department of corrections officer, you'll be issued a state jumpsuit, usually still warm from the poor bastard that filled it last. And that's it, standing there in newly-used duds and a pair of dirty socks, you are no longer an inmate of county jail; you are now—officially—a ward of the department of corrections; a prison inmate.

Quarantine starts with a series of stations and checkpoints waiting to strip you of every last bit of freedom and personal identity that might've survived your county bid.

You'll see a nurse who'll make sure you're not currently dying of any infectious diseases; apparently they want you healthy before draining you of vitality, probably so they can check your deterioration, and their success, against a base line of health. Sick bastards! You'll see a shrink to make sure you don't plan on doing immediate harm to yourself or others. They can't take credit for driving you mad without first proving that you were sane. Though they have trouble proving sanity when over a quarter of all inmates suffer from mental health issues. You'll see an STG (Security Threat Group) coordinator who'll take pictures of your tattoos and determine any gang affiliation. You'll be weighed, measured, branded and pushed on to the next line.

Somewhere in the hours of waiting to be ushered into the next station, long after the hunger pangs have made your need of sustenance impossible to ignore, you'll be tossed a soggy sack lunch and a cardboard carton of flavored drink.

You'll eat your first meal as a prison inmate with no shoes, standing in a line, or huddled over a concrete bench. You'll find an apple, four duplex cookies in a sandwich bag, and the makings of a sandwich, which you'll attempt to construct out of two smashed pieces of white bread, a slice of American cheese product, and a meat-like sheet of skin pealed directly from the face ‘Freddy Krueger'. Oh, and a single packet of what's, supposed to be, mayonnaise but is labeled salad dressing. You'll search the paper sack, convinced that there has to be more—that there's no way they could expect you to survive off of such minuscule amounts of food. But try as you might, you will find nothing else inside but the bottom of an empty bag.

Rule # 52 You've got nothing coming.

You can forget about what is fair, what is right, and what SHOULD happen. If this expectation is your barometer for what will happen, you will be consistently wrong and, in no time, entirely defeated.

I, arrived at quarantine with company. His name was Tate and it was his second bid. Tate was an easy going, slightly goofy, guy. You'd never mistake Tate for an alpha male—in appearance or demeanor—which gave me a little extra confidence knowing that he'd survived his first prison sentence relatively unscathed, but more than anything it was someone to talk to; someone who wasn't a complete stranger. Plus, having Tate there made the cramped, three hour, ride to quarantine infinitely more bearable. At least I had someone to share this experience with.

Whether you arrive by yourself, or in a group, the path ahead is whatever you make it. But remember this, no matter who your surrounded by—in prison—you’re always ALONE; it's just the nature of the beast. It doesn't mean you can't build real and meaningful relationships. On the contrary, the "foxhole friendships" forged in extreme circumstances can be some of the realest friendships of your entire life but, when the lights go out, you'll still be alone. We are all doing our own sentences, battling our own demons, and walking our own paths. 

Sometime after eating your five-star sack lunch, in the prison eatery of a cramped room with a toilet, you will be called out to one more line. A small room where a disinterested, and perpetually annoyed, CO (the go-to demeanor of nearly every employee in the Department of Corrections) sits behind a digital camera with a log book by his side. With the speed and care of someone with better places to be, without warning or instruction, the C.O. will snap your photo as you try to flash your quickest tough-guy look for the camera. Without time to prepare, most of the pics end up looking more like constipation than intimidation.

With a speed, uncharacteristic of the Department of Corrections, you'll be issued your prison ID.

On the front: your picture, barcode, and prison number.

On the back: name, DOB, height, weight, scars, piercings, tattoos, and STG status.

This is your first piece of state-issued property. This little piece of plastic will prove to be a useful accessory in the hands of the innovative prisoners. The convict's version of a Swiss army knife of sorts: something to scrape water off a steel table to play dominoes, or to clean the dirt off of a place to sit, to wedge a towel or sheet in the crack above your cell door so it hangs down and covers the window when you need privacy, but most frequently, the prison ID is used as cutlery. With enough practice you'll soon master the plastic of dicing and slicing meat sticks, cheese, and onions...It's gotten to the point where I can cut up a meat-stick faster with my ID than an actual serrated plastic knife.

Whatever you do, make sure not to lose this versatile piece of property. The first one's free. After that—if you break it, deface it, or lose it—expect to be charged. The current rate to replace a Michigan State ID is 5$. And you're required to keep it on you at all times. A single moment of forgetfulness and you run the risk of catching a major-out-of-place ticket.

Every three years they'll call you in to take a new, updated photo. You can count the years of your sentence by the pictures behind you and the ones still ahead. I'm three constipated pics in with two to go.

After getting your identification you'll be given a mixture of hygiene products. A clear plastic grab bag filled with the shit you'd find in the bathroom at a cut-rate motel in the shittiest part of town: a little disposable toothbrush, three bars of small soap, a tiny tube of clear toothpaste, tiny stick of clear deodorant. The only thing of actual monetary value is a single stamped envelope. Whether you plan on writing anyone or not; hold on to this envelope.

Rule # 15 waste not want not. 

A quick stop at bank teller style window to declare any and all income or assets, to be claimed by the State's treasury and you're on you way.

The last stop of the initial intake process is the quarter master. It's where you get your state-issued clothes. Ours was in a reconstituted gym.

Roughly thirty of us planted ourselves randomly on three long benches, each man making sure to keep as much distance between himself and the next man as possible. Random inmates scuttled around behind a massive cluttered in the middle of the gym. One of the inmates wound himself through the benches checking our IDs against a list on his clipboard. Making sure to keep his voice low and avoiding eye contact as he went, he said, "If you want anything extra in your bag put your stamp (envelope) on the bench and I'll pick it up. We looked around at each other like lemmings waiting for someone to make the first move.

A CO stood up from behind a desk in the corner. The convict repeated his offer. Again no one moved, everyone afraid to be the first one to look stupid. I pulled out the single envelope and put it on the bench beside me. He verified my number and circled something on his paper. Before the C.O. could make it over to us the convict had slipped the envelope behind the list on his clip board.

One by one we were called to a little window in the cage. The convict with the clipboard eyeballed the sizes for each inmate and yelled out his estimates for each article of clothing. The minions behind him scuttled around the cage filling green duffle bags with the orders. Everybody was to get the same:

2 pairs of blue pants with elastic waste bands and a single pocket in the back.

2 blue canvas v-neck shirts

2 white t-shirts

3 pairs of white socks

7 pairs of whitey tighty underwear 

2 thermal tops

2 thermal bottoms

1 pair of orange basketball shorts

1 blue coat slightly thicker than a windbreaker

1 orange winter hat

1 pair of gloves

1 pair of cardboard like shoes

When it was my turn at the window the clipboard guy asked me what size pants I wore.

I told him, "large." 

He said that they run small and waited for my response.

"Extra large?" I said.

He yelled back, "Three Pants, extra large! See if we still got some of the pocket pants back there! Oh, and a belt." 

One of the minions brought a stack of pants up to the window. He handed me the first pair. "See if these are too big." I unfolded the pants and held them up to my waist. Unlike the all-blue stretchy waistband pants that my fellow newbies had received, these pants had an orange stripe running down each leg. Plus they had four pockets, a zipper with a button, and instead of an elastic waste band there were belt loops.

“These will work," I said, and handed him the pants.

He went down the rest of the list giving me almost double of every item; the best of what they had in that cage of their's.

A part of me thinks that they went overboard in hooking me up just to show the other inmates, in my group, just how much they'd missed out on.

Which brings me to Rule # 411 Take what you can get, when you can get it.

Fortune favors the bold and abhors the indecisive.

Either way, it was the best stamp I'd ever spent in my life.

Rule # 312 Nothing is free; you have to be willing to pay for what you want.

The extra clothes cost the quartermaster guys nothing; they're convicts, they're not exactly loyal to the system that incarcerated them, and this little scam just provided them the chance to even the scales—one pair of pants at a time—not to mention to make a few bucks in the process. Each stamp is worth roughly two ramen soups, a soap, or a honey bun—about 60¢.

Of course, it was a risk; that's why no one else dropped the envelope. I could've lost my only stamp and had to fight this guy in the middle of the gym, on my first day in the joint, but nearly everything with a potential come-up comes at a risk.

It's simple risk vs reward. I couldn't see these guys playing this as a scam. If clipboard had approached just one or two of us, I would have been more suspicious. I would've thought he could be singling out the inmates he saw as easy marks; the ones least likely to retaliate. But the fact that he asked all thirty of us, gave the deal a little more validity. No way could he assume that he would be able to get down on all of us without any retaliation. Plus if this was a scam it would be short lived; how long would it have lasted before someone either fucked this guy up or one of these fish simply ratted him out?

Determining things should become second nature, but until they do, use your intuition and a little critical thinking to help you make your decisions. Or, you can just play it safe until your Spidey senses have fully developed.

After getting our new duds we were ushered into the shower area of the gym. We stripped, changed, and returned yet another borrowed jumpsuit. Next we were separated into groups. The CO behind the desk said "One North, stand over here." He read out a list of inmate numbers and pointed to his left. Though I didn't know what it was for, a part of me hoped that me and Tate would end up in the same group

"One South," yelled the CO. He pointed to his right. Tate's number was the first one he called in this group. Mine was the last. He did this until we were in four separate groups.

We were led out of the building and directed to our cellblocks. Overwhelmed and slightly disoriented, we dragged our new duffle bags, full of our new clothes, across the yard to our new homes.

Walking into the cell block is the moment prison nightmares are made of; the infamous scene in every prison movie. In Michigan, the quarantine cellblocks are long rows of cells stacked on top of each other in the oldest prison in the state. The noise is the first thing you notice. A thousand voices, all competing for clarity, hum. How could that much sound be so constant? A five tiered wall of prison cells reach towards the distant ceiling. Necks bend skyward like baby birds trying to find where the tiers end.

A little desk sits off to the right under an awning of sheet metal; a barrier to protect the officers from the gravity assisted assault of batteries, flaming toilet paper, and any other objects that can be squeezed through the bars overhead. It's a lot to take in but stay calm. Fans buzz from every direction. Electrical cords crisscross the floor briefly disappearing under mop buckets full of dirty water. An inmate drags dark streaks across the exposed concrete with his mop. Signs and orders with exclamation points are painted along the walls near the desk.

The seven of us try our best not to look overwhelmed; nearly all of us are.

A short grizzled brown-skinned CO, with tufts of curly grey hair rebelling under his black—state issued—ball cap, comes around the desk. Clipboard in hand, he reads off prison numbers followed by, I'm assuming, a cell number. It's hard to make out anything but snippets of what he's saying. I'm glad I wasn't the first number on his list.

Rule # 58: Mistakes or mishaps don't have to happen to you to learn from them.

The guy to my left steps forward. The diminutive CO points to a table with seven bed rolls and fourteen rolls of toilet paper. The guy to my left grabs a bedroll and two rolls of toilet paper. He looks around, unsure what to do next. The CO yells over the buzzing of the fans, the river of voices, and the banging of cell doors, "What are you waiting for?!" 

Struggling to hold onto his duffle bag and bedroll without dropping the rolls of toilet paper, the guy to my left says nothing, but the look on his face says, "Tell me what the fuck to do old man, I'm lost."

"Three forty two!.." The hook points up at the wall of cells. "Third tier, cell forty two!" The guy to my left drags his duffle bag towards the first set of stairs, dropping a roll of toilet paper. He didn't bother to pick it up. I grabbed it on the way to my cell; waste not want not.

My temporary living quarter was on the fourth tier right in the middle. Jackson has the movie style prison cells, rows and rows of bars with arms and angled mirrors protruding from the cells into the catwalk. Forty some feet in the air, on a narrow walkway with nothing but a waist high handrail to keep you from plummeting to an uncertain death, possibly paralysis, is a disorienting path to your very first cell.

I dragged my duffle bag down the rock until I found the cell with the corresponding number above the door. Hundreds of eyes. There's no way around it; everyone watches everything. Prison is an introvert's hell. I couldn't wait to get into the anonymity of the dark cell. I pulled on the bars. The door was locked. I had to stand there until an officer came to let me in. It couldn't have been more than a few minutes but it felt like an eternity.

Eye contact is a tricky thing in prison. A little too much can come off as a challenge; too little can be perceived as weakness.

Rule # 41 Trust your instincts

Animalistic instincts—allegedly—long ago abandoned by modern society, are alive and well in prison. Intuition, fear, confidence, strength, and weakness are all indispensable aspects of the social interactions behind bars.

Standing there, with all of my recently acquired earthly possessions, I waited. The cell next to me had a pair of arms protruding from the door. In cells that small there is really no other place to stand. It's either stand at the door or lay down on your rack. My neighbor was standing. I made just enough eye contact to illicit a head nod. The CO bent the corner onto the catwalk. I nodded back.

The door rattled. I pulled it open. I dropped my bag onto floor and the bedroll on the bed.

First you should know how cramped this tiny cell actually was. Closing the cell door behind you leaves about 6-8 inches from foot of the bed, on your left, and even less to the desk on your right. It was so small that the left side and right side designations are merely symbolic. In actuality both bed and desk are pretty much in front of you, just slightly oriented to either side. Spreading my arms I could just about touch both walls at the same time. Between the bed and the desk was a gap just wide enough to squeeze through. The cell itself is slightly longer than the bed. On the left, above the bed, was a decrepit, asbestos-ridden, cork board—or what was left of a cork board; a place for inmates to hang Playboy centerfolds or their doctorate degrees from Harvard. On the right, past the desk—though still touching it—was a high school style locker, about 6'0ft tall. In the corner, past the locker, was a stainless steel toilet. The positioning of the locker was fortuitous; sitting on the toilet, you could open the locker and be partially shielded by the door. I eventually discovered that if I hung my coat on the open locker door I could get full coverage. Next to the toilet, sticking out of the back wall, was a tiny waist-high sink. And that's about it. Oh, and there was a single light bulb above the sink. There wasn't enough room to fit a chair at the desk. Fortunately, the bed was close enough to serve double duty. Cramped and claustrophobic does little to convey how small this place will feel.

I sat down on my rack and exhaled half of my spirit. Though technically my time started the day the gavel dropped at my sentencing, this is when your bid is officially underway. I took a few minutes there, staring at the pockmarked concrete floor beneath my feet; a few short, but pivotal, minutes to close the door on the life I was leaving behind and to open the reinforced steel door in front of me.

Rule #32 In prison, reality is something you must not allow yourself the comfort of ignoring; you are where you are and it is what it is, act accordingly.

I remember taking a deep breath and shaking my head free of anything other than resolute determination for the path ahead. Letting a mixture of pride and anger fuel me through a tough situation wasn't new to me, but this was different, this would prove to be the longest and

most difficult struggle of my life. I exhaled my last breath of uncertainty and stood up.

There was work to do!

The first thing you should do in any new cell, before unpacking your clothes, kicking off your shoes, or taking a shit (unless it's burrito day in the chow hall), is CLEAN your area of control. 

Rule #19 Cleanliness is next to godliness.

I'd say roughly 50% of physical altercations are over hygiene. When you are forced to live in close proximity with other people, you should always go the extra hygienic mile.

I fished around in my duffle bag and pulled out one of the two mesh laundry bags I'd got from the quartermaster. Each inmate is issued two large towels and two washcloths.

I had four of each; the best stamp I'd ever spent.

Inside my hygiene bag were four small rectangles of green antibacterial soap. Two identical half-used bars were stuck to the edge of the sink. Since I was cleaning the room, and not myself, I figured the ones on the sink would do.

I lathered a washcloth and cleaned every surface in the cramped space: the sink, the nylon sleeping mat on the bed, the industrial green railing of the bed itself, the chipped wood surface of the metal desk and all of its shelves, the thin high school style, graffiti-laden, locker, the walls, the steel bars of the cell, the floor, and finally the toilet, inside and out.

Rule #91 Think about what your doing before you do it. Measure twice, cut once.

Always start with the cleanest surfaces and finish with the dirtiest. What sense would it make to start with the toilet and cross contaminate every other surface with shit water. This might seem like common knowledge but you'd be surprised.

After working up a sweat, cleaning every reachable inch of the cell, I rinsed and rinsed and rinsed out the washcloth until it was reasonably clean and hung it on the little knob on the side of the stainless steel toilet, specifically designed to hold dirty washcloths (or so I've always assumed). This would now be my floor and toilet rag.

With the cell no longer a petri-dish of disease and filth I felt comfortable enough to start making my bed. Unrolling the bedroll I found four sheets, two pillow cases, and a blanket that had, apparently, been constructed by somehow fusing a series of brillo pads together—at least that's how it felt. The county jails I'd been to always had "bed socks" that simply slid over the mats. Now I had actual sheets. It took me a few nights of sliding around like an oiled-up seal, inevitably waking up on a bare mat, to finally ask my neighbor for some advice.

I'll save you the hassle;

Take your sheet and stretch it out. Take the top corners and tie them together into a knot, making a sort of hood. Loop this hood over the top of your mat, where your head goes. Move down to the bottom and tie the corners of the sheet in the same manner. It should be a tight fit, so you may have to fold the mat up towards you to fit the sheet over the bottom of the mat. Once you secure the sheet, flatten the mat back out an you have a fitted sheet. You should never have to actually touch that disgusting piece of biohazard plastic again. The rest of the bed is made up as normal.

After sliding the crisp white pillow case over the dilapidated pillow and laying back onto the cool new sheets, I felt a genuine sense of relief.

Rule # 17 Take the time to appreciate the small things.

As I laid there, in MY bed, in MY cell, I feel like an actual smile spread across my face as I stared up at the ceiling.

A though floated across my mind. When did I become such a germ-a-phobe. It's not that prison turns you into a totally different person as much as it messes with your dials. Prison will force you to turn your cleanliness factor up a few clicks. Unless you want to be stepped on and looked over, your level of introversion will move a few clicks towards the extroverted end of the spectrum as well.

It's interesting to watch the way this place changes you. Prison is where your habits and quirks meet the Darwinism of practicality.

For example, I'd been a nail biter my entire life. Since I was a kid, I'd chew at my nails until I had bloody stumps for fingers. I'd tried numerous times to quit, only to realize the futility after I'd gone back to devouring any nail growth as soon as it'd appear. Since coming to prison, I no longer bite my nails. It's just too dirty. Cleanliness takes on a whole new meaning when you have nearly 200 roommates, all with varying degrees of hygiene, all touching the same surfaces. My whole life I was a nail biter and all it took was a twelve year prison sentence for me to kick the habit.

It wasn't long before I was roused from my contemplative day dream by the scuttle of movement somewhere outside of my cell.

Maybe I'd dozed off.

"CHOW TIME!! DON'T MISS YOUR DOOR. MISS YOUR DOOR, YOU DON’T EAT!!"

"Ehh, ya goin' ta chow?"

I leaned my head against the bars.

"Ya goin' to chow?.." 

A hand reached out and tapped my bars. It was the neighbor.

"Yeah, I'm goin,'" I said.

"When they get to our tier," he said, "they brake all the doors at once, for like five seconds, if you don't pull your door open your stuck in here. Won't be able ta eat."

I'd already heard about this. It was a cornerstone of the gossip as we were processing in. "Don't miss your door," the inmates on their second or third bids would say.

I asked how to tell when the doors are broke.

"By the sound," he said. "They use a big ass metal bar to unlock the cells on the rock. When they get ready to break the doors they tap the bar against the railing."

I could hear metal clanging on one of the tiers below us.

"I'll let you know. If you lean on your door it'll slide open when they break it."

"Bet. Good look bro."

"No doubt."

I got ready for chow, which didn't consist of much other than putting shoes and coat on.

I walked to chow with the neighbor where he offered up all kinds of unsolicited information about prison. This was his second bid. A "P.V. new bid" (parole violation with a new case)

Rule #56 Everyone knows EVERYTHING. 

Seasoned inmates love to tell you what to expect and how to jail. It makes them feel important. And yes, I can see the hypocrisy of pointing this out while I'm literally writing a book on the subject. 

Don't be an asshole.

It's up to you to disseminate the usable information from the bullshit. So much of the fabricated info offered up will be unnecessary and, seemingly, un-beneficial for the one spewing it. This can make it difficult to sift through the bullshit. "Why would he lie," has been the Trojan horse that allowed entrance to many a skeptical mind.

If knowledge is power, and pretending is easier than actually gaining knowledge, then the liar, armed with confidence and a practiced delivery, is king of the naive. Which, in prison, is a formidable percentage of the population.

This brings me to one of the ACTUAL 10 things you should know about prison.

Rule #5: Don't listen to what someone says, watch what they do.

Your rudder, to steer thorough the river of bullshit you will undoubtedly encounter in prison, will be your ability to accurately judge character. And the only reliable way to do this is to observe a persons qualities, traits, and habits, not their words. Base your character assessment on a person's presentation of themselves and you will be consistently disappointed and frequently victimized.

There was a guy in my unit, I'll call him "Frankie," who'd been down for twenty some years. Frankie, was a hell of a talker. According to him, he was a published author, he had his own publishing company, he'd written a series of children's books for which one publisher called him the "Dr Seuss of the 21st century." I know because he told me this three different times, as if it was the first. He said he had numerous businesses and had grossed over a million dollars while in prison.

Eventually Frankie talked himself into one of only three laundry-porter positions in the unit. It's a good gig. As a laundry man you suddenly have access to all kinds of fringe benefits. You're allowed out of your cell all day, you have access to bleach, real soap, favoritism by the CO's, but most importantly, it's the best "legal" money hustle in the joint. 

In addition to their regular job duties, the laundry guys provide a PREMIERE laundry service. For a monthly fee—usually a bag of coffee—they will wash your laundry separately with the proper amount of detergent, bleach your whites, and fold your clothes on any day of the week, regardless of the schedule. They will do whites on color days, colors on white days (laundry, not races), and linens whenever you want.

Being a laundry porter is good, consistent, money. And other than being time consuming, it's simple work. Each laundry man comes up with their own system. The days are on an alternating schedule; whites, blues, whites, blues, whites, blues, linen, rinse and repeat. Pun completely intended. Our cell, or bunk, numbers are written on a tag on the side of our laundry bags and our corresponding cell, or bunk, numbers are written in large bold print above our cells, or bunks. Our bags are turned in, washed, and passed back out. It's the simplest of all systems. Straight forward, black and white, no room for interpretation. Numbers! 

For months, people would tell me about Frankie's accomplishments, they'd send me to him after I'd finished my first novel, to see if he wanted to publish it; when I was working on my query letters, for advice; and when I was having a lawyer draw up intellectual property rights for my work, for a second opinion. But I'd seen the writing on the wall. 

This isn't an after-the-fact "I told you so," way to demonstrate my superiority. It's only due to my neurotic need to look for systems in everything that I noticed the tell-tale signs of a con. Ask me about ANYTHING and I have theory on it; our inherent addiction to novelty and how it affects fashion, freewill vs determinism, the sociological factors involved in prison gang recruitment. This was just another example of my neuroses.

Liars, or people who have a penchant for habitually exaggerating the truth, have trouble keeping things straight. The few conversations I'd had with Frankie were enough to pick up on the idea that he might just be a bullshitter of the highest degree. There were things he'd repeat, word for word, bullet points of bullshit that he'd whittled into effective propaganda—like the Dr Seuss line. Plus by the time I'd met him I had been down long enough to know that most, not all, but a huge majority of seemingly impressive people who are insistent on consistently telling you how impressive they are, are consistently...impressively...full of shit.

It wasn't long after Frankie got the porter job, that laundry related problems began to occur. Bags were left unwashed, delivered to the wrong cells, or came up missing all together. Time and time again, inmates came to find that it was during Frankie's shift that their bags were being delivered to the wrong cube, when their bags disappeared.

At first, most were surprised by these laundering discrepancies and quick to believe Frankie's excuses for the constant mishaps. Over the span of a week he told my cubie that it was his coworker's fault, that he wasn't the one who passed the bags out, that the bag wasn't tied enough times so it had opened, mixing his items with others, that the number on his bag wasn't legible, and finally, after all reasonable excuses were exhausted, that he does such a shitty job because he really doesn't care about doing a good job. But no excuse can change the fact that this self proclaimed genius couldn't figure out how to pass out, clearly numbered bags, to clearly numbered cubes, when the other laundry porters, far from being geniuses, were flawless in comparison.

Just as Myamoto musashi said, find the way in one and you will find it in all. I believe the inverse is also true; do a shitty job at one thing, no matter how minuscule or unimportant and, odds are, that you'll do a shitty job at most other things you do.

If the inmates who'd, essentially, paid Frankie to lose their clothes for them, had watched what he DID rather than listening to what he was SAID, they wouldn't have been so blindsided by his failures.

Which brings me to another point.

Rule # 49 Don't put people in the position to let you down. 

In prison, you don't get to choose who you interact with, or live with for that matter. In this environment, if you don't want to spend you entire bid in the hole, you have to learn to deal with people and to accept them for who they are. As long as you know WHO you're dealing with, they should never be in a position to disappoint you. You can be friends with the guy who never pays anyone back, just don't ever loan him money if it will bother you when he doesn't pay you back. You can kick it with the guy that talks shit about EVERYONE, just don't be surprised when you find out he was talking shit about you.

In a place where you're essentially powerless over your surroundings, knowing WHO it is that's around you is an important tool to exercise SOME control.

Fortunately for me, in my vulnerable state of prison infancy, my neighbor Beto wasn't a bullshitter.

At least I don't think he was. 

In any case I wouldn't allow him into a position to disappoint me. I took the practical, and verifiable, advice that Beto had to offer and took the rest with a grain of salt; like the fact that, though he looked Irish and his real name was Eric, he claimed to be a Mexican named Beto. He could speak fluent Spanish though.

In any case, I liked him.

A pleasant surprise about prison—a phrase you rarely hear—is that there are genuine, helpful, selfless people who just happen to also be incarcerated. And the more you live up to these qualities and attributes, the more you invest into the positive things, the more you will run into these like minded people.

Beto was my prison SIRI. All I had to do was beat on the wall and ask him a question and I'd soon have a detailed and well explained answer. Come to think of it he was better than SIRI, in the sense that he'd offer up helpful info without me even asking.

In civilian lingo, prisons are designated as minimum, medium, maximum, and super maximum security facilities. In the state system, prison levels are number based, 1-5. This he explained unprompted.

It's easiest to think of level 1 as minimum, 2 & 3 as medium, 4 as maximum, and 5 as super max.

Each increasing security level has more limitations. Your placement is determined by an often irrational scoring system. Points are accumulated by disciplinary infractions—which makes sense—but also, when you first come down, points are doled out by the amount of time you're sentenced to—which is definitely a refined type of bullshit that has nothing to do with temperament or behavior. If you're sentenced to more than seven years you automatically go to a level 4 (maximum security) prison, no matter your crime or how well behaved you are.

Quarantine was run as a level four with just one, hour long, yard a day. Other than yard, chow time and administrative-related call outs, you're locked in your cell. Which was good preparation for me because, as Beto explained, that's where I was headed. My first three years in prison would pass in level 4 facilities.

Fuck!

Since quarantine is a temporary stop you can't acquire any real property. You can't order things like TV'S, radios, or tablets until you make it to your first real joint, and because there's really nothing else to do in quarantine, and everyone is new and equally alone, we tend to talk a lot.

It almost always starts the same: "Where you from?" It's asked in the hope that you might know some of the same people, or been to the same places; it's all an attempt to not feel so alone.

Since I was raised out of state, I had given up any hope of such menial comforts.

I got to see Tate at chow but it was becoming obvious that prison would be a one man path. On the ride out, Tate had asked me about Buddhism—specifically, meditation. It was a great excuse to start writing. That first day I wrote a few pages to pass to him at chow. I also started a journal. Before coming to prison I had been dabbling on the border of what I considered to be serious writing at the time (something I knew nothing about). Now, I finally had the time I'd needed to really figure out what "serious writing" was all about.

Rule #3 find something productive to do with your time.

I cannot overstate the importance of this rule. This is the only way to reclaim the TIME the system(or life in general) is actively trying to take from you. TIME; the most valuable, least renewable, resource in the universe. Don't let it be stolen from you without a fight.

Whether it's fitness, getting Arnold huge, writing a novel, learning a second, third, or fourth language, painting a master piece or reaching spiritual enlightenment, you have to find something to do. Your life isn't on pause when you're locked up. Unless you let it be.

Chow was a chaotic, bustling, feeding trough. The food was terrible and the portions meager, but I was starving. Our IDs were scanned and we followed the metal partitions through the cafeteria line. Think Subway, except the glass that allows you to see the fresh vegetables is metal and conceals God only knows what.

"Cake or Apple?"

The guy a few spaces ahead of me looked confused.

"Cake or apple?!" repeated the kitchen worker.

The same unflappable confusion, this time accented with a smattering of anxiety.

Again he said nothing.

He got an apple dropped on his tray

I got a cookie.

The apple guy grabbed a milk and a cup of orange liquid. He balanced the drinks on his tray.

"One or the other," said a C.O. stationed at the end of the line to check our trays.

He had to go back to return the milk.

Poor guy.

Others mistakes.

We ate our trays of rice and chicken broth with semi-cooked peas and bread. A C.O. stood over us repeating a few select phrases.

"Let's go, we need the seats!"

"Let's go gentlemen. Eat and go!"

We ate what we could and dropped our trays off where an inmate slapped them clean-ish on the inside of a dirty trashcan.

We stretched our walk back to our cell block sucking up all the fresh air we could. This zombie-like trek, to gain a few more minutes of precious fresh air, is referred to as the Level 4 shuffle.

An inmate's relationship with their cell is a complicated matter—at least it is for me. We want to be outside, to have some freedom and fresh air, but chaos and unpredictability lie beyond that steel door. Your cell is your sanctuary, as well as your... CELL.

It doesn't matter who you are; the first days of actual incarceration will have your head spinning. This is the culture shock phase of prison. Past present and future swirl together in a complex storm of emotions. Alone in this place, completely alone, your mind reels, darting in unforeseen directions.

Rule #79 Find your anchor.

In a place with such little certainty and control, breathing becomes vitally important. It's always there, ever reliable, completely anchored in the present moment. Our emotional state, as well as physiology, is tied to the breath. Deep calming breaths always help. Become a master of the breath.

With the heavy steel door secured behind me I changed into my orange shorts and laid back onto my crisp new sheets, somewhat satisfied from the hurried lunch. Laying there, I realized how noisy prison is.

Staring at the ceiling, an activity I'd grow increasingly familiar with, I thought about the life that had, so recently, crumbled to ashes around me. I felt the bottom. I was secure in the fact that I could go no lower, that I had nothing left to lose. It was crushing, but knowing what I know now, I would have understood that, sometimes, losing EVERYTHING is what it takes to appreciate ANYTHING. And, as hard as it is to survive, walking through the fire is often the only way out of a burning house.

Rule #67 Every situation is full of potential.

It's up to you to work the alchemy necessary to mine the gold of in your circumstance.

Quarantine is a limbo we're all anxious to escape. There is nothing to do; It's run as a maximum security joint; there's just one yard a day; we have no personal property; and phone access is extremely limited. We didn't have much to compare it to but the inmates who'd been here before told us we should be miserable—so we were.

I lay there wondering how long it would take before I'd ride out of this place. Everyone claimed to know the pattern behind the madness of who left and when. Some said if you were headed to a level 4 you'd be here for at least sixty days. Others said level 2s would take a month, and level 1s, just a few weeks. None were reliable predictors. From what I could surmise, we were stuck there until a space opened up at a facility that could take us.

Akhems razor is a tool rarely sharpened behind prison walls.

That night I went to sleep to the symphony of voices and conversations, so numerous that they'd become an increasingly familiar hum. I drifted away wondering what my kids were doing, hoping my family was OK.

Every twenty minutes or so I'd roll over, in an attempt to find a position comfortable enough to squeeze out a few more minutes of slumber. I tossed and turned but couldn't hold on to any meaningful sleep. I thought it was the noise, the new surroundings, the stress, the stiff plastic covered pillow, the thin brittle mat, the scratchy blanket. After years and years of sleepless nights I've come to realize that it's not one of these culprits alone that keeps you from REM sleep, it's a concert of all these factors...but mostly the mat and the pillow.

I was awake long before I opened my eyes. I sat up to the sound of crashing metal and booming voices. A loose sheet of paper was wedged between the bars. It was my first "call out" or daily itinerary.

Anything you have to do will be printed on your call out: doctors and dentists appointments, work detail, library, barbershop, church, classes..etc, all set to military time, all passed out the night before...

TO BE CONTINUED…

Prison Dictionary.

All day: (noun; slang) life without parole.

Area of control: (noun) the area, most often in your cell, you are responsible for. Any contraband found in your area of control will be considered yours, regardless of actual ownership.

Back forty: (noun) the large area of the yard with a track.

Banger: (noun; slang) a prison knife.

Bird bath: (verb; slang) to wash up in the sink.

Blues: (noun) your official prison uniform that is blue in color.

Bottles: (noun; slang) alcoholic beverage.

Box: (noun; slang) administrative segregation, aka: the hole.

Break: (verb; slang) when a door is opened/unlocked "break my door" means "open my door”.

Call-out: (noun) daily itinerary.

Chow hall: (noun) cafeteria.

Day room: (noun) the common area in every unit with television, phone, and microwave access.

E.R.D: (noun; abrv) Earliest release date, or you first parole eligibility.

Flix: (noun; slang) photographs or pictures.

Health care: (noun) medical unit.

Hook: (noun; slang)a prison corrections officer.

Jack: (noun; slang) telephone.

Jail:  (verb; slang) the act of living, and all that it encompasses, while incarcerated.

Jpay: (noun)company that provides email services, some states have jpay tablets with music, games, photo album…etc

Kite: (noun) an inner-institutional a message, letter, or form.

Laundry bag: (noun) a mesh bag you will hand in to be washed and dried by a laundry porter. Make sure to tie as many knots as possible when you tie it closed. Also make sure to have you cell number clearly marked on the bag.

Lock down: (noun; slang) to go to a secluded area, most commonly a cell, to fight.

Lock up: (verb; slang) to willfully refuse to return to cell in order to be relocated to another facility, most commonly to avoid a debt or violence.

Quarter master: (noun) clothing dispensary and repair.

Rack: (noun; slang) your bed.

Rec: (noun; slang) recreational activity. Occasionally used as slang for fighting.

Rock: (noun; slang) wing or tier of a unit.

Rotate: (verb; slang) to actively participate in gang activity with a specific set.

Service: (noun) religious meeting.

Stamp: (noun) a pre-stamped envelope.

Stinger: (noun) a homemade electrical device designed to boil water when plugged into an outlet.

Tube: (noun; slang) television.

[loverboy4650]

Ant-Man and the Wasp Available Now on Blu-ray and DVD!

My family and I got to see "Ant-Man and The Wasp" when it was out in theatres and we were excited to watch it again when the copy to review arrived.  This title came out on digital on October 2nd and to Blu-ray and DVD yesterday. You will still get a kick out of this title if you haven't seen "Ant-Man" from 2015, but it is fun to see how the characters evolve and to watch the film with some background history.   Paul Rudd is back playing Scott Lang (Ant-Man) who is an electrical engineer turned thief to a hero.  Michael Douglas is back too as Dr. Hank Pym with Michelle Pfeiffer as his wife, Janet van Dyne.  Their daughter, Hope van Dyne (Evangeline Lilly) becomes The Wasp. Scott is on house arrest at the start of "Ant-Man and The Wasp" due to the aftermath from "Captain America:  Civil War".  Scott had joined the Steve Rogers group of Avengers and used powers after the Accords were signed, which got him in trouble.  Scott is now trying to keep clean and to provide a good home for his daughter when she gets to spend time with him. Dr. Hank Pym and his daughter, Hope, contact Ant-Man to see if he can help rescue Janet van Dyne from the Quantum Realm, which Scott got out of in "Ant-Man".  A tricky component to this rescue mission is the fact that he is still 0n house arrest.  Luis (Michael Peña) and the X-con Security crew are back again and have to try to thwart the efforts of a new adversary called Ghost (Hannah John-Kamen) and her ally Bill Foster (Laurence Fishburne).   This film has some pretty funny scenes with a good amount of suspense.  It does a good job putting the viewer behind the eyes of Ant-Man as he shrinks and grows too.  I highly recommend this film.  "Ant-Man and The Wasp" is a great title to add to your movie collection at home or rent for an enjoyable family night. “Ant-Man and The Wasp” returns director Peyton Reed to the franchise and stars Paul Rudd (“Captain America: Civil War,” “Knocked Up”), Evangeline Lilly (“The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies,” “Lost”), Michael Peña (“The Martian,” “Fury”), Walton Goggins (“Vice Principals,” “Six”), Bobby Cannavale (“Vinyl,” “Chef”), Judy Greer (“War for the Planet of the Apes,” “Wilson”), Tip “T.I.” Harris (“Sleepless,” “Get Hard”), David Dastmalchian (“Twin Peaks,” “The Belko Experiment”), Hannah John-Kamen (“Black Mirror,” “Ready Player One”), Abby Ryder Fortson (“Togetherness,” “Transparent”), Randall Park (“Veep,” “Fresh Off the Boat”), with Academy Award® nominee Michelle Pfeiffer (1993 best actress in a leading role nominee for “Love Field”), Academy Award nominee Laurence Fishburne (1994 best actor in a leading role nominee for “What’s Love Got to Do with It”) and Academy Award winner Michael Douglas (1988 best actor in a leading role winner for “Wall Street”). “Ant-Man and The Wasp” comes packaged in several formats to best fit today’s varying consumer desires. Viewers can instantly bring home the film two weeks early on Digital SD/HD/4K Ultra HD and receive access to two exclusive features — including a clever commercial promoting a close-up look at the online magic school that FBI agent Jimmy Woo references to learn his card tricks and a 10 years of Marvel Studios featurette profiling the artists of the MCU — or they can purchase a physical copy of the film as either a Cinematic Universe Edition (4K Ultra HD, Blu-ray and Digital Code) or a Multi-Screen Edition (Blu-ray and Digital Code), granting the flexibility to watch the device of their choice.  This film has a run time of 118 minutes and is rated PG-13. BONUS MATERIAL (may vary by retailer): Blu-ray & Digital: Director’s Intro by Peyton Reed – The talented creator behind some of Marvel Studios’ funniest and most charming films will invite home audiences deeper into the world of “Ant-Man and The Wasp.” Making-of Featurettes: Back in the Ant Suit: Scott Lang – Hero and all-star dad Scott Lang keeps the laughs coming for the audience, cast and crew. A Suit of Her Own: The Wasp – Highly trained Hope Van Dyne is now the Wasp. See how some of her craziest stunts and action-packed scenes were brought to life. Subatomic Super Heroes: Hank & Janet – Hank Pym’s wife Janet was lost in the quantum realm. Trace the legacy of these characters and the iconic actors who portray them. Quantum Perspective: The VFX and Production Design of “Ant-Man and The Wasp” – Explore the movie’s visual effects and production design from a whole new viewpoint, in which every micro and macro detail counts. Gag Reel and Outtakes – Audiences are treated to the hilarious quips that did not make the film as well as exclusive outtakes from Stan Lee and Tim Heidecker. Gag Reel - Join in the fun with these outtakes from the set. Stan Lee Outtakes - Stan Lee tries out a series of hilarious one-liners for the scene in which his car shrinks. Tim Heidecker Outtakes - Check out Whale Boat Captain Daniel Goobler and his improvised whale-watching riffs. Deleted Scenes (with commentary by Director Peyton Reed) Worlds Upon Worlds - As Janet leads Hank through the surreal landscape of the quantum realm, they encounter an intelligent life form. Sonny’s on the Trail - On the hunt for Hank Pym and his lab, Sonny Burch and his henchmen check the security camera of a neighborhood bookstore. Digital Exclusives: 10 Years of Marvel Studios: The Art of the Marvel Cinematic Universe – See what it takes to bring the MCU to life, and the role concept artists play in bringing Super Heroes from comic book to screen. Online Close-Up Magic University – This commercial will inspire you to expand your mind and maximize your full potential! SOCIAL MEDIA: Facebook: Facebook.com/AntMan Twitter: Twitter.com/AntMan Instagram: Instagram.com/Marvel Read the full article