#ft ethans hand

[grandiosenowhere]

[time-woods]

hi do you have a link to an individual post of that art of heisenberg with that 'totally real doctor' card, or has it only been posted with that ask? i tried to look for it in your archive

i love your art style and was happy to see him

i dont think i ever posted it on tumblr unfortunately- its somewhere on my twt but thatd be a nightmare to find, as an appology i hand you all my heisenberg related art ft ethan winters

[snwpcktz]

A GAME OF CRUELTY (pt. 1)

PAIRING: jay x fem!reader (ft. heeseung)

GENRE: hunger games au (pre second rebellion), neighbors to friends to lovers, angst

SYNOPSIS: after years of praying to not get picked for the reaping, the odds end up not being in y/n’s favor and she is chosen as district 7’s female tribute. she plans to simply sacrifice herself early, since it would be nearly impossible for her to beat all the other tributes and make it back safely to her now ex-boyfriend, ethan. but her perspective of the games change when her next door neighbor, jay, is chosen as the male tribute—and maybe her feelings towards him will change, too.

WARNINGS: mature themes (violence, death), major character death, descriptions of violence and injuries, love triangle, swearing, reader uses she/her pronouns, use of the binary genders to refer to the reaping tributes

WC: 10.3k

NOTE: hello hello !! the first part of my hunger games fic is finally here!! again, i tried to keep things as accurate as i could but this is set in the year before katniss and peeta were reaped, which means i don’t have a lot of set info to use. there will be a pt. 2, so if you’d like to be tagged pls reply to this post or my wips page! thank you and i hope you enjoy the read!! <3

reaping day. the most dreaded day every single year.

every year, two children between the ages of twelve and eighteen would be chosen as tributes to participate in the annual hunger games. they would fight against twenty-two other tributes to death, leaving only one survivor as the victor of the games. it was cruel, vicious, and the reason why y/n couldn't sleep peacefully every summer night.

y/n exited her house with a slip of paper in her hand. her boyfriend, ethan lee, had just sent her a little note asking for her to meet him in a nearby forest. it was the last year he would be reaped, so y/n brought a deer trinket from the local market as a gift.

once she locked her front door, she took a quick look around her neighborhood. it was like any other day in district 7, except that anyone could sense the dread in every single civilian's face. parents, grandparents, and children alike all held the same expression.

it only soured y/n’s mood. being the only child of her family, y/n’s mother stressed every single year over the possibility that her daughter could be chosen for a game that leads straight to death. it broke y/n’s heart to see her mother cry next to their fireplace every night, praying that her only child wouldn’t become a victim of the games.

her father wasn’t any different. although he was a man of few emotions, y/n could see how relieved he was when her name wasn’t called out during past reapings. his way of showing care was by teaching her how to throw axes from a young age. although he claimed that it was just a skill for her to use in “necessary circumstances”, y/n knew that he meant for it to be used in case she got reaped.

clutching onto the deer trinket tightly, y/n began her trek to the forest. it wasn’t uncommon for her to meet up with ethan in a forest--after all, they lived in district 7. the sounds of birds chirping filled her ears as she entered the area, accompanied by the droplets of rain falling from the night before.

she stepped over logs of wood on the ground, most likely left over from a recent lumber job. passing by the stream that marked the center of the forest, y/n made a sharp right turn, walking in the direction of the border to district 9.

y/n stopped several meters away from the fence that marked the border, decorated with large warning signs. she scanned the area around her but there was no sight of ethan.

“ethan?” she called out, her voice reaching to the dense tops of the forest.

it was silent for a moment before she heard movement above. “up here.”

she snapped her head towards the sound, now noticing ethan on top of a tree branch. he pushed himself off, landing safely on both feet on the padded ground.

“hey,” he said, approaching y/n.

“hey,” she whispered.

they stood in comfortable silence for a moment, savoring the seconds they could spare with each other. y/n was the first to speak, fiddling with the metal trinket in her hand.

“i brought you this,” she began, holding out the deer-shaped item to him. “take it as a good luck charm.”

ethan’s hand gently took the trinket, running his thumb over its grooves. his lips curled into a smile as he responded, “thanks, y/n.”

but the smile didn’t last. he swallowed thickly before continuing, “so, uh, i asked to meet you to tell you something.”

y/n nodded. “i’m listening.”

ethan paused for a moment, closing his eyes before taking a deep breath. “we…we need to break up.”

y/n could feel her heart drop. her breathing slowed as her mouth ran dry. she couldn’t understand the sudden request. hadn’t she been a good girlfriend?

“w- what?” she spluttered. “why?”

“it’s reaping day,” ethan solemnly stated.

“yeah, but this happens every year!” y/n retorted, feeling frustration rise in her voice. “plus, it’s your last year being reaped!”

“that’s the point, y/n!” ethan groaned, brows furrowing. “it’s my last year! do you know how many times i’ve applied for tesserae? my name’s in there twenty fucking times, y/n.”

y/n gulped. she knew ethan’s family wasn’t well off and that he had family members he needed to provide for, but she didn’t expect that he applied for tesserae that often. she could feel tears well up in her eyes, heartbroken for his situation.

“i have such a high chance of getting picked,” ethan whispered, worry clouding his eyes. he delicately held y/n’s hands, causing her to raise her head. “if i die, i don’t want you to hold onto me.”

“you’re not getting picked!” y/n screamed, ripping her hands away from his. “ethan, you’re the only man i love! you can’t just end things like this!”

she crumbled to the ground, hugging her knees to her chest. hot tears streamed down her cheeks as she sobbed, feeling the gentle rubs of ethan’s hand on her head.

“it's not fair!" she wailed. “it’s not fucking fair!” deep down, y/n knew that ethan was right--he did have a higher chance of being picked, and that tore her apart.

"nothing is fair here," ethan mumbled, hand tangled in her hair. "but i just want you to know that if i do get picked, please...take care of my family for me."

y/n sniffled and nodded her head. "thanks," ethan whispered, the ghost of a smile on his lips.

a sudden gust of strong wind blew onto them, causing both of them to look up. a blimp flew across the forest, stripping trees of loose leaves and ground of dry dirt. they both immediately knew what it meant, sharing a look together.

"it's time."

rows of teenagers stood in front of the hall of justice, surrounded by members of the capitol with cameras and film equipment. peacekeepers had already flooded the district, running identification checks and bordering the area for the reaping. y/n could still feel her finger throbbing from the prick she received mere minutes ago as she stood in line.

the large screens next to the stage had already began running, displaying the various members of district 7. y/n could spot a pixelated version of herself, clad in a modest white sundress and matching white ballet flats. she turned her head to the left, spotting ethan standing in his row in no time.

but he wasn't looking at her. he kept his head forward, a solemn gaze on his face. y/n turned her head back around, letting out a pained sigh. she knew that whatever emotions he was feeling at the moment could never be experienced by her, a girl who lived in an only child household in a moderately well off neighborhood. but she couldn't help but feel selfish, desperately wanting ethan to be spared from the cruel hands of the reaping.

so she prayed. she clasped her hands together and lowered her head. please, she thought. please don't pick ethan. please let the odds be in his favor, just this once.

the sounds of footsteps coming to a stop and doors opening caused y/n to raise her head, eyes now fixated on the marble building in the front. members of the district government and previous victors of district 7 entered the stage, followed by a woman with a bright smile on her face.

luxurious, velvety, emerald green clothing adorned her body along with a matching sun hat and dozens of gold jewelry. her heels clicked on the wooden stage as she made her way towards the podium, perfectly glossed lips framing her pearly smile.

"welcome! welcome, welcome," she announced, her cheery voice echoing throughout the area. "once again, i am your district escort, tiffany young! happy hunger games! and may the odds be ever in your favor."

tiffany cleared her throat before continuing, "now! before we begin, we have a very special film brought to you all the way from the capitol!"

she raised her glove-clothed arm towards the screen as a video began playing. "war. terrible war," president snow's voice boomed from the speakers.

y/n noticed several girls around her rolling their eyes. she couldn't blame them. it was boring having to watch the same video every single year, especially when it did barely any justification for the games.

she turned her head to look behind her at the crowd of parents. she spotted her mom, head down and whispering words, most likely prayers for her daughter. her father was next to her, a comforting arm wrapped around his wife as he stoically stared at the screen.

it was just like every year. what was there to worry about?

y/n glanced at ethan. he had the same expression as her father, but she could see that he was chewing on the inside of his cheek. a soft sigh left her lips. there was one thing to worry about--ethan.

she decided to pray once more, lowering her head and squeezing her eyes shut.

please, pick anyone but ethan. i beg for you to spare him.

"this is how we remember our past," the voice of president snow stated. "this is how we safeguard our future."

"what a remarkable film!" tiffany gushed as the music began to quiet. "now, the time has come for us to select one courageous young man and woman for the honor of representing district 7 in the 73rd annual hunger games."

y/n felt her heartbeat quicken as she watched the escort's smile grow. "as usual, ladies first."

tiffany walked to the reaping bowl with poise, heels echoing in the silence that overwhelmed the district. she reached a gloved hand in, fishing for an entry slip. she gently selected one, returning to the podium elegantly.

tiffany took the liberty to clear her throat as she undid the delicate tape on the paper slip. she glanced at the crowd before announcing the name with a smile.

"y/n l/n."

the world stopped for a moment. y/n couldn't prevent the ringing in her ears as her lips parted in shock. the pounding in her chest increased to a ridiculous speed as the girls around her turned, isolating her from the crowd. her hands grew clammy as tiffany laid her eyes on her, the smile on her face appearing more sinister than before.

"come on up, dear!" the escort called, her voice sounding sickly sweet in y/n's ears.

y/n's feet moved slowly, dragging against the gravel on the ground as she passed by her fellow civilians. she didn't dare to look up from her pathway, shrinking at the feeling of thousands of eyes on her.

she could feel the peacekeepers behind her place their hands on her back, guiding her to the stage. her eyes were shaking, losing sight of each step she was taking.

she grasped onto the railing of the stairs, barely feeling the soles of her feet. she could see tiffany at the top of the stairs, reaching a hand out to her. "come, come!" she said to y/n, gesturing to her with her hand.

y/n gratefully took it, allowing the texture of her velvet gloves to bring her back to reality. tiffany placed her other hand on her shoulder, gently leading her to the left side of the podium.

"well, let's have a big hand for our first tribute, y/n l/n!" tiffany declared into the microphone.

the weak applause clouded y/n's head, contrasting the striking speed her heart was thumping at. she used the last of her strength and consciousness to lift her head, searching the crowd in front of her.

she could spot her mother's face, frozen with shock and panic. her father's mouth was open, completely bewildered and in disbelief. y/n moved her eyes to the crowd of teen boys, where she found ethan already staring straight at her, a fresh tear sliding down his cheek.

y/n swallowed thickly, not breaking the eye contact. here she was, standing on a stage that she never thought she would be standing on. her lips quivered as she gained the strength to mouth an "i love you", triggering a rush of tears to ethan's eyes.

she chose to cut the eye contact after that, unable to watch her ex-lover cry. she stared straight at the wooden floor, biting her bottom lip in an attempt to hold back the tears in her eyes.

"and now for the boys!" tiffany stated.

the escort walked to the reaping bowl on the opposite end of the stage, quickly plucking a slip from its depths and returning to the podium. she let out a small hum before unfolding the slip.

"jay park."

y/n raised her head to look at the crowd. the boys had distanced themselves from the said person, who looked just as surprised as y/n was when she was chosen.

y/n recognized him. he was her next door neighbor, a boy known for being respectful and hard-working. at just a year older than y/n, he was preparing to enter the workforce full-time, learning the ups and downs of his family's lumber business. he was known to be skilled with axes and saws, his muscular arms and broad chest proof of it all.

he wore a white dress shirt and black slacks, dark hair slicked with gel and neatly combed. the peacekeepers guided him to the stage, his dress shoes sounding every step he took up the wooden stairs. he stood on the other side of the podium, observing the crowd from his new perspective.

y/n turned to ethan, a part of her relieved that he wasn't picked. but he clearly did not feel the same, his eyes now red and cheeks stained with tears. he looked at y/n so hopelessly, it made her feel ashamed for feeling even a bit of relief.

"shake hands, you two!" tiffany's voice said, snapping y/n out of her trance.

she glanced at jay, whose eyes were already on her. they quickly joined hands, jay's large one wrapping around y/n's shaking one.

"happy hunger games!" tiffany announced, her smile brighter than before. "and may the odds be ever in your favor."

y/n had spent the last few minutes curled up in the corner of a room in the hall of justice, sobbing to herself as she processed what just happened. in the span of just several minutes, she had been chosen as a tribute for her district in a game of death.

her grip on her knees tightened. although her father had somewhat prepared her for this scenario, there was no way in hell that she would survive the hunger games. sure, she knew how to throw axes and she was pretty good at climbing trees, but she was sure that it was nothing compared to what other tributes can do.

she felt her tears flood out as she fell into a hole of despair. it was impossible for her to win, huh? i'll just die first, she decided, choking out her sobs. i'll die first so that my parents won't gain false hope. i won't let them waste tears over me.

the creak from the door opening caught y/n's attention. a peacekeeper held it open, allowing her parents to step inside the room. "you have three minutes," he stated before shutting the door.

y/n immediately stood up, running to her parents. "mom! dad!"

her mother engulfed her in a tight hug, warm tears falling onto y/n's shoulders. "my precious, sweet little baby...why is the world so cruel to you?" she whispered, her voice thick with anguish.

y/n only cried harder, burying her face into her mother's neck. "you don't deserve this, baby," her mother weeped. "you deserve to live a happy, long life with us."

"m- mom, i'm gonna die," y/n babbled, feeling her words slur after crying for so long.

"don't say that, please," her mother begged. y/n could feel more droplets of warmth land on her shoulder. "please, please! don't ever say that again."

"y/n, you have to try your best," her father's voice reasoned. "you need to fight until the end."

y/n could only cry more, letting out a gut-wrenching scream. "i- i don't wanna leave so early..."

she could feel her mother squeeze tighter as her sobs got louder. "baby, y- you know we love you so, so much, right?"

"yes, mom...o- of course i know."

"please, live. for us."

the sound of the door opening caused y/n to hold onto her mother tighter, watching the peacekeepers heard towards her parents through her swollen eyes.

"no! stop!" she yelled, gripping onto her mother's arm. she could feel another peacekeeper restrain her from behind, ripping her away from her parents.

she wailed, pushing away the peacekeeper. she watched her mom get dragged out of the room, burying her face in her hands as her back shook from the intensity of her sobbing. her father turned around, sending a solemn smile to her.

she watched a stream of liquid drop from her father's eye. it was the first time she saw her father cry.

the door slammed shut for a moment before it reopened, a tall man entering with a peacekeeper at his tail.

"ethan!" y/n ran to the boy, who let her press her puffy face on his chest.

he rested his head on top of hers, hugging her hair while closing his eyes. "i thought it was going to be me," he whispered, breath shaky. "but it turned out to be much more worse than that."

he gently cupped y/n's face before bending down, swiftly connecting their lips. wet with tears, their lips molded against one another, filled with desperation and despair.

they separated after a moment, allowing ethan press his lips against y/n's forehead as she sniffled. "i still love you, y/n."

his words only caused her to choke out another sob. "i'll love you forever. you know i love you so."

the dreaded door opened once again as a peacekeeper pulled on ethan's arm, forcing him away from her. his eyes welled with tears once more as he mouthed another "i love you" before the door shut, physically separating the two.

y/n collapsed to the ground, screaming as she punched the ground with her fist. i love you too, ethan.

after what seemed like hours of crying and peacekeepers forcing her into a carriage, y/n had somewhat collected herself, lightly sniffling as she gazed out of the window.

tiffany seemed almost unaffected by the girl, chattering about the capitol to jay with a grin on her face. she would spare a glance at y/n every so often, but decided to not speak to her, assuming that she wanted some personal space in the cramped carriage.

before they knew it, they had arrived at the train station. "just an hour and we will arrive at the capitol!" tiffany cheered as they boarded the train.

as soon as they entered, the tributes were greeted with luxury they had only dreamed about before. crystal chandeliers, gold-plated silverware, and plush cushions were laid out just for them. glass displays held varieties of baked sweets and savory bites, followed by an impressive selection of beverages stored in crystal pitchers.

y/n’s mouth gaped at the sight, slowly stepping into the train cabin. of course, the capitol is different.

“now, now, sit down children!” tiffany sweetly said, guiding the two with gloved hands on their backs to a table. “i’ll be back in just a moment!”

y/n hesitantly sat down in a chair that was much too lavish for her, practically swallowing her in the lush cushioning. jay followed in suit, seating himself next to her.

“this is insane,” jay muttered, eyes fixated on the delicate china set on the table.

y/n hummed in response, blinking her swollen eyes as she took in her surroundings. “it’s crazy how we went from being neighbors to sacrificing ourselves for our district,” she mumbled, a frown etched onto her face.

jay could only sigh at the comment. one day, they were going about their daily errands, chatting as the children of families who lived next door. the next, they were seated in a high-speed rail train on the way to the capitol, where their desperate battle for survival would be broadcasted for all of panem to see.

“y/n, jay, i want to introduce you to someone!” tiffany’s bubbly voice rang.

the escort approached the table, followed by a woman sporting a coffee brown blazer and a matching pencil skirt. her raven black hair was highlighted with scarlet red streaks, all tied back into a ponytail that moved from side to side with each step she took.

she slid into the seat across from y/n, a cold expression on her face as she crossed her arms over her chest. “this is johanna mason, victor of the 71st hunger games!” tiffany introduced, elegantly seating herself next to the said woman. “she will be your mentor as a victor from district 7.”

silence overcame the room. y/n and jay stared at johanna expectingly, who was avoiding their gazes by locking her eyes onto the table in front of her. tiffany sat perfectly straight, her smile slightly faltering at the sudden change in volume.

“well,” she said, standing up and brushing off her velvet skirt. “i will leave you three to it!”

her emerald green stilettos clicked against the hard floor as she moved to a cabin next door.

“so, you’re the unlucky pair that got pulled into the games this year,” johanna grumbled, eyeing both of the tributes. “i’m not someone who’ll sugarcoat things, so you both better be fucking prepared for what i’m about to say.”

y/n and jay nodded, eager to hear from a fellow district citizen and a victor of the games.

“you have literally no chance of winning.”

johanna’s words caused y/n’s heart to drop. she could tell that jay was experiencing the same, tension quickly swarming around the table.

“but you have a good chance of surviving longer if you follow my advice,” she continued, resting her elbows on the polished table.

johanna picked up a gold butter knife, running her fingers along the edges. "you're not a career district, but you're not the most disadvantaged. that's what 7 is--always stuck in the middle. lumber is all we're known for, so everyone who watches the games knows that we can handle our axes. but don't let them think that."

she stabbed the table with the knife, causing both of the tributes to flinch. "you need to act weak," johanna declared, looking at both of them in the eye. "that's how i won. make them believe you won't survive anyway, hide, and attack at the last moment. fool them. use their stupidity to your advantage. that's the only way a middleman can win."

she turned to jay, ponytail following her head movement. "you. jay park, seventeen. i heard you're already in the lumber business."

"yes, ma'am," jay replied, a little intimidated by johanna's stare.

"don't call me that, it makes you sound like a pussy," johanna spat, leaning back in her seat. "call me johanna."

"yes, johanna."

she let out a hum of approval. "are you good with any weapons?"

"i've worked with axes and saws," jay answered. "i've done mostly chopping, cutting, and sanding my whole life. some heavy lifting and business communication, too."

"great, strength and customer service," johanna summarized with a nod. she turned her head to the right, locking her eyes onto y/n. "now you. y/n, seventeen. any experience with weapons?"

"my father taught me how to throw axes since i was little," y/n responded. she found herself fiddling with the hem of her dress, nervous for her new mentor's reaction.

"axe throwing, i like it," johanna replied. "unfortunately, there are no throwable axes offered in the games, so you're sort of fucked there."

y/n felt her breath hitch. before she could speak, johanna continued, playing with the knife stuck in the table, "but knife throwing isn't far from axe throwing. plus, if you train enough, you might be able to throw the axes they have."

y/n let out the breath she was holding in, somewhat relieved by her mentor's response. she had never felt so grateful towards her father.

"now, this whole week is dedicated to preparing for the games," johanna stated, changing the topic at hand. "you will spend your time training, being interviewed, being tested, and kissing up to sponsors. unfortunately for you both, your first day has already started."

the windows of the train transitioned from dark to light, beams of sun flowing into the cabin. a huge body of water could be seen surrounding hundreds of high-rise buildings made with sleek designs and accompanied with phenomenal technology.

johanna eyed the two tributes with astonished looks on their face, curling her lips into a small smirk. "welcome to the capitol, bitches."

y/n stood next to a chariot, adjusting the corset on her body. she had just spent the last few hours being completely tortured, aka hours of waxing and plucking. if that wasn't enough, her stylist completely ridiculed her for having a puffy face after crying, embarrassing her in front of the whole prep team.

she had never wanted to go home so badly.

but here she was, dressed like a capitol darling in getup she could have never pictured herself in. a forest green corset was bound tightly around her waist, hugging the black long-sleeved bodysuit embroidered with gold leaves underneath. a matching black maxi skirt was wrapped right under the corset, with layers ruffled and seams sewed with gold thread.

thick, gold hoops hung from her ears and gold cuffs banded her wrists. her hair was combed and let down, decorated with a single gold barrette embellished with emeralds. her eyes flaunted deep, green eyeshadow shimmering with gold pearlescent glitter and long, curled and lengthened eyelashes. her lips were painted with a warm brown lipstick, matching the color of her nail polish.

y/n had never felt so out of place. she shifted her weight, feeling uneasy standing in such tall heels. how do people in the capitol dress like this everyday?

her eyes caught jay heading to the chariot, adjusting his own gold cuffs. his chest was covered with forest green armor, accented with gold leaves. his biceps were framed with a long-sleeve compression shirt, perfectly sculpting the curves of the muscles. black slacks accentuated his long legs, held on his waist by a black and gold belt. his hair was slicked back and his ears were cuffed with gold earrings. glittery green eyeliner bordered his eyes and his lips were plush and pink- wait, why was she looking at his lips?

y/n blinked. she couldn't believe how stylish (and incredibly attractive) her next door neighbor looked. the most they had seen each other in were the formal attire they wore for reaping day every year to look somewhat acceptable on public television. but now, now she understood why he was such a hot topic among the girls in her neighborhood.

jay's eyes met hers and he flashed a small smile, finishing his trek to the chariot. "you look amazing," he said, a few strands of gelled hair slipping out of place and framing his forehead.

"same goes for you," y/n breathed out, sending back a smile of her own.

they could hear a dramatic gasp and turned, spotting tiffany and johanna heading towards them. "my darlings, you look absolutely stunning!" tiffany squealed, clapping her hands as she walked.

"trees, trees, trees," johanna groaned. "that's all that damn stylist can do. get some fucking creativity, people!"

"johanna!" tiffany yelped, slapping the mentor on the shoulder. she faced the tributes once again, adorning a bubbly smile. "well, i think you both look absolutely wonderful."

"at least it's better than mine, i guess," johanna grumbled, crossing her arms. "now, today is all about beginning to attract some fans. act friendly, smile, and wave. don't do anything stupid and you'll be fine."

the static from a speaker could be heard as caesar flickerman appeared on a screen. "that's our cue to go!' tiffany exclaimed. "we'll see you later, darlings! and remember, smile!"

their escort and mentor left, following the crowd of other district team members. jay let out a soft sigh before saying, "it's time for us to get ready, then."

y/n hummed. jay stood next to the entrance of the chariot and held out a hand. "ladies first," he stated with a smile.

thump! y/n was glad she had a full face of makeup on to hide the heat spreading on her cheeks. she delicately took his hand, feeling her heartbeat increase as she stepped onto the chariot and held onto his gentle hand.

jay followed after her, accidentally brushing his shoulder against hers. she could feel the warmth radiating from his body due to their close proximity. her hands gripped the railing of the chariot, squeezing the metal tighter as she tried to not focus on the boy next to her.

the crowd outside began to grow louder as the first chariots were released. she could hear caesar flickerman from the screen, gushing with claudius templesmith about each of the tributes' stylistic costumes.

before she knew it, the horses in front of her began moving, pulling their chariot closer to the entrance. bright stage lights shone in y/n's eyes, blinding her for a second.

she felt jay place his right hand on her left, tapping her two times. "smile, y/n."

and so she did. y/n parted her lips to reveal the most dazzling smile she could, the sound of cheers filling her ears. but she missed the sweet smile jay gave her as her eyes adjusted to the new lighting.

the unsteady movement beneath her feet and the overwhelming amount of viewers caused her stomach to churn, but the hand on top of hers provided her a newfound source of comfort. she swiveled her head around, making sure to keep her bright smile plastered on her face.

the audience was full of people sporting vibrant garments and bizarre accessories. colored eyelashes the length of a hand, dyed hair in all sorts of purples and pinks, and puffy sleeves adorning shoulder after shoulder. it was beyond anything y/n could've imagined wearing, but here she was, standing in almost identical clothing while they observed her like a character in a game.

after all, that was all she was to them--a new addition to their cruel game that they watched eagerly every single year. to the ultra-wealthy, it was all fun and entertainment. but to her, it was a one-way ticket to her death.

she felt the smile on her face falter, gulping before stretching the corners of her lips wider. now was not the time to think about those things. she needed to attract sponsors to gain even a minute more of survival in the arena.

so she stood up straighter, flashing her most welcoming face that she could. the heat from the torches that they sped past only added to the adrenaline rush she felt running through her veins. her eyes flickered to the dual screens above the audience, catching the cameras filming their chariot.

she glanced at jay, who's smile was just as charming as ever. his jawline was firm and sharp, a charismatic feature that the capitol's cameras easily captured. his eyes shone with determination, a look that many could only find in the careers.

y/n felt a sense of pride in the moment. proud to have jay as her partner, proud to hear positive reactions from the audience, and proud to be from district 7.

the horses made a turn, slowing their pace down as they brought the chariot to a stop. a gust of air brushed past them as they left the heat of the runway, ending their time in the spotlight of the tribute parade.

y/n allowed her lips to relax, scanning the environment around her. the last few chariots were filing in, all carrying tributes dressed just as extravagantly as them. she watched as the sponsors in the audience screamed with energy, enjoying the last moments of the parade.

she could see the cameras pan to a podium above the tributes and turned to face it. there president snow stood, waving to the crowd with a small smile.

the audience grew quiet as he cleared his throat. "welcome. tributes, we welcome you," president snow announced. "we salute your courage and your sacrifice. and we wish you, happy hunger games! and may the odds be ever in your favor."

y/n felt her eye twitch at his words. before she knew it, the chariots began to move again, pulling all of the tributes out of the spotlight as the crowd cheered one last time.

in just a couple of more days, y/n had found herself on the last day of training.

johanna had taught her the differences between throwing knives and throwing axes, and so she had adjusted her training accordingly. she had quite a bit of trouble at the beginning, but eventually adapted to the new weapon quickly.

now, she was more determined than ever to try her hardest in the games, no matter what it took.

she practiced climbing structures and creating fires with jay. they talked more over identifying sources of water, studying types of infection, and spying on the other tributes. jay had taught her how to properly use a tactical axe and y/n had showed him how to aim weapons in long-range fights.

she learned that jay was talented at cooking and often tried new recipes for dinners on weekends. he informed her about the small pieces of etiquette he picked up on at formal business meetings at meals in their apartment. within just two days, she found herself closer than ever to her next door neighbor.

they shared secret smiles during training sessions, had late-night talks after hot showers, and gave each other words of encouragement every morning. he cut her steak for her at dinner, she wiped his sweat after training, and they held hands on the way to the basement of the training center, squeezing each other tightly as a way of supporting each other.

they had become close friends in such a short span of time, but they wouldn't tell each other about the deeper feelings that were brewing in their chests.

johanna slapped both of their backs as they stood in the elevator on the way to their private training sessions, where they would be officially scored by the gamemakers. "now, i would say act weak, but you two have showed off way too much during your training," she spoke, a hint of playfulness in her voice.

"so instead, go for something more average," she instructed. "like a seven. or a six. miss two shots but hit one. you won't get as many sponsors but at least you'll be off of some of the tributes' radars."

johanna sent both of them a small grin. "good luck to you two, and be as average as you can!"

her words caused both of the tributes to chuckle, exiting the elevator once the doors opened. "bye, johanna!" y/n called, waving to their mentor.

johanna just leaned against the glass windows of the elevator, shaking her head with a smile.

the two district 7 tributes entered the gymnasium's waiting room through automatic sliding doors, finding many other tributes already sitting inside. thick tension clouded the room, causing the small smiles on their faces to drop.

they were finally here on their last day of training, two days before the games would begin.

they sat down on stools labeled with their district's number, eyeing the other tributes warily. the careers sat with confidence in the front, cocky as ever with smirks on their faces. on the opposite end, the lower districts were hunched and fidgeting, anxious for the evaluation.

once again, y/n and jay stood in the middle, both figuratively and literally. y/n swallowed thickly, suddenly feeling a little parched. sure, she had trained long and hard to adapt to knife throwing, but her skills were definitely not on par with a career who had been throwing knives her whole life.

she glanced at the district 1 female tribute, who was giggling at something her partner had said. y/n had observed her throughout their training sessions, taking the time to understand her style of fighting and her precise aim. y/n wasn't unaware of her surroundings either, finding the tribute's gaze on her multiple times.

she fiddled with her fingers, suddenly feeling her hands grow clammy. "jay," she whispered, catching the boy's attention who responded with a soft hum. "do...do you think we can ever defeat the careers?"

jay glanced up, taking a quick look at them before replying, "well, they're not invincible, are they?"

y/n let out a soft chuckle at his words. "sure, they attended a special training academy and whatever, but we've played around with axes since we could hold a pencil," he continued, wrapping his arm around her and rubbing her shoulder comfortingly. "like johanna said, we just need to deceive them to win. after all, we might not need to fight them for them to die. a nasty ego is just as bad as a sword through the chest."

jay gave her one last pat on the shoulder before facing her. "don't underestimate yourself. you've worked hard and deserve to show off a little."

y/n smiled, gazing into his kind eyes. "thanks, jay," she said. "you deserve it, too."

he smiled back, staring straight into hers. they sat in a comfortable silence, neither of them breaking the eye contact. y/n was thankful that the room wasn't dead silent, otherwise everyone could hear how loudly her heart was thumping.

the warmth in his eyes, easing all of the tension in her body. the way his pupils dilated the longer he stared at her. the reflection of the light in his eyes, highlighting his soothing gaze.

for a moment, she swore that she saw jay's eyes flicker to her lips. but the sound of an alarm interrupted their silence, catching the attention of all the tributes.

"the private training sessions will begin now."

y/n let out a quick breath, seeing jay do the same in her peripheral vision. she squeezed her eyes shut, holding her head in her hands. how could she think about anything else other than the evaluations at hand?

but no matter how stressed her mind was, it couldn't stop the pounding in her chest. heat rose to her cheeks as she replayed the moment in her head, remembering the split second jay eyed her lips.

time flew by as her head ached, split between worrying about her private session and processing the feelings in her heart. she felt ashamed with herself--it had not been long since ethan broke up with her and she was confident that she still had feelings for him. so why was her heart fluttering around another man?

before she knew it, district 6's tributes had finished up and the waiting room was half empty. "district 7, y/n l/n," the electronic voice announced.

y/n stood up, stretching her limbs before heading towards the gymnasium entrance.

"hey y/n!" a voice called through the silence.

she turned around, looking at jay, who now had everyone's attention. "be average," he said with a grin, causing y/n to smile.

"you too," she replied, pointing at him.

she could hear him chuckle as she left through the sliding doors, taking one more deep breath before entering the gymnasium. the training room was cold, with little light illuminating the large area. she could hear the chatter of the gamemakers in a room above, observing their little festivities with food and drinks.

y/n walked to the marking in the center of the room, making sure to look at all of her surroundings. three targets shaped like humans were placed at a certain distance from her marked spot. to her left was a spread of different knives, all set neatly on a placemat and a table.

she turned around to face the gamemakers, who were enjoying their cocktails above. "y/n l/n, district 7," she introduced herself, catching the attention of the head gamemaker, seneca crane.

he swallowed his sip before nodding to her, prompting her to begin her chosen skill. she picked up a knife, gripping the wooden handle tightly.

she held her breath, focusing her eyes on the target and balancing herself. be average. she let her eyes lower before throwing the knife as powerfully as she could.

the thigh. not a critical area but definitely a shot that could cause lots of pain. she heard some pleased reactions and some mocking chuckles from the gamemakers.

y/n continued, grabbing a longer knife. she planted her feet, eyed her target, and threw the weapon.

the edge of the arm. another painful area, but not a critical one. definitely less impressive than her last shot. she heard more chuckles this time but didn't mind them.

she brushed her hands over the rest of the knives, taking the time to weigh her options. she decided on a thicker knife, with more weight and less speed.

she stood on the marking, once again. she took in a sharp breath, holding it as she positioned herself. eyes straight on the target, soles flat on the floor, and arm in the air, tensing with energy. she threw with all her might, a shout coming from her lips.

right smackdown in the heart. she huffed, staring at her work in disbelief. a few whistles and weak applause could be heard from the gamemakers as she faced them and bowed, taking her leave.

she was met with johanna and tiffany at the entrance of the district 7 apartment, who clapped loudly for her.

"that was wonderful, darling!" tiffany cheered, flaunting a hot pink tulle dress and matching accessories. "you did amazing!"

"great job on being mediocre, y/n," johanna commented with a chuckle. "that last shot was nice, though. definitely will bring you some sponsors."

"thanks, guys," y/n replied with a smile.

"come, come! jay's evaluation is playing," tiffany said, ushering y/n to the couch in front of the television screen.

she sat down on the soft cushion, shimmying a bit to get more comfortable with the skin-tight training clothing she was wearing. johanna stood behind her, resting her arms on the frame of the couch as tiffany elegantly sat down.

y/n could see jay on the screen with a tactical axe in hand. he swung the weapon around, hitting vital spots of the dummies surrounding him. the camera panned to the gamemakers, broadcasting their impressed faces as they discussed his skills.

he finished up by chucking his axe straight at a dummy’s head, the weapon slicing the head straight down the middle. jay took a moment to catch his breath before bowing in front of the gamemakers, ending district 7’s private training sessions.

y/n gulped. she knew jay was good, but the evaluations showed her a new side of him. one that was vicious, determined, and confident. there was no doubt that he would be a threat in the arena.

the television screen flickered off and tiffany stood up immediately, clapping her hands. “marvelous! just marvelous!” she gushed. “what talented tributes we have this year!”

“you should’ve seen the beginning, he purposely dropped the axe on a dummy’s foot,” johanna said with a light laugh. “i think he took my advice a little too seriously.”

y/n snickered at the comment, standing up from the couch. “he’ll be here any minute now!” tiffany exclaimed, rushing to the door to greet him.

as soon as y/n and johanna caught up to the escort, the door opened, revealing jay with a tired smile on his face. sweat stuck his loose hair to his forehead and his chest puffed with each breath he took.

“darling, you were outstanding!” tiffany squealed, patting him on the back. “just wonderful! the sponsors should be piling in as we speak!”

“nice job, jay,” johanna complimented. “i liked the part where you dropped the axe on the foot.”

jay chuckled, giving the mentor a playful glare. his eyes shifted to y/n, who was already smiling with pride.

“you did amazing, jay,” she said, causing him to grin.

“thanks, y/n. you did well, too.”

“now, wash up, children! i don’t want this apartment to be reeking of sweat!” tiffany ordered, prancing off to the kitchen. “and remember that they will broadcast the results this evening!”

after an afternoon of resting, a hearty dinner, and a lighthearted sunset watch, the district 7 team sat around the television screen, patiently waiting for their results. caesar flickerman held a rare serious expression on his face as he relayed all the information off of his cards.

the room was filled with a thick silence with everyone sitting perfectly still. the anticipation grew every minute as everyone watched eagerly, paying close attention to the other tributes' scores. per usual, the careers scored high, with the district 2 male scoring an eleven. y/n chewed on her bottom lip, the worry at the back of her mind beginning to grow.

there was less than 48 hours before she would be in the arena, fighting against each and every one of the tributes displayed on the screen.

once the district 6 tributes' results finished up, y/n could feel her heart beating unbelievably fast. it was the first time a test result could determine life or death for her, and the tension in her body came to an all-time high.

as caesar flickerman changed his cards, y/n felt a hand creep towards hers, gently intertwining their fingers. she turned to her left, spotting jay mouthing an "it's okay" to her. her chest heaved as she tried to calm herself down, forcing herself to breathe slower.

jay gave her a quick nod before facing the screen once again. "from district 7, y/n l/n..."

y/n whipped her head to the screen, not blinking once as the world stilled around her. she could feel herself squeeze jay's hand tighter, holding her breath for a single moment.

"...with a score of six."

she released the breath she was holding, relaxing her grip on jay's hand. she could feel johanna pat her shoulder in approval. "that was very average, y/n. an exact 50%."

a part of y/n was glad that she would be able to escape the careers' watch, but another part of her was worried about receiving little support from sponsors. but she chose to not fret about that as she flinched at how strongly jay held onto her hand.

she glanced at him, realizing that it was the first time she saw jay so visibly anxious. the typically calm and laid-back boy was now tense and nervous, a light sweat forming on his forehead. she could feel his palms grow clammy as he clutched her hand tighter, awaiting his results.

"and from district 7, jay park...with a score of eight."

cheers erupted from the room, a delightful squeal coming from tiffany. "jay, darling, you are spectacular!" she gushed, clasping her gloved hands together.

"great job, jay," johanna said with a nod. "but you'll have to be careful now. you're on par with the careers, which means that you've spiked their interest."

"nice job, jay!" y/n exclaimed, taking his hand into both of hers. he grinned and replied, "yours was good, too."

"well, all that's left for you two is to charm the audience tomorrow!" tiffany cheered, standing up. "rest well and wake up early! i will teach you all the interview etiquette you need to know!"

"and don't get too comfortable with each other!" johanna sternly teased. "you are on a survival show, not a dating show."

as they shared the final laughs of the night and prepared for bed, y/n couldn't help but ponder over her mentor's words. what johanna said rang true, even if it was intended to be a lighthearted joke. in the end, they were competitors in a game, even competition for each other.

she climbed into her bed, burying herself underneath the lush covers. she knew it was wrong for her to think about anything other than survival, especially when her inevitable death was approaching extremely fast. so why did her heart beat so fast when he touched her? why was she so unbelievably comfortable with someone she had just began considering a friend four days ago?

why was jay on her mind every night as she fell asleep, worrying about the games?

the eve of the hunger games. y/n stood in line, right behind the district 6 male tribute. she shifted her weight, watching the interviews commence from the screen backstage.

her stylist chose to dress her in a cream chiffon gown, the torso embellished with pearls and yellow topaz. her shoulder straps were loosely draped with layers of chiffon strung together. gold droplet earrings and a thin, double-layered gold necklace accented her ears and neckline. her hair was tied up elegantly, bound with matching gold ribbons. her eyeliner was drawn with gold glittery liquid, two yellow gemstones glued right underneath her lower eyelids. she shifted once more, balancing on her gold stilettos cuffed to her ankles.

the district 6 tribute in front of her peeked over her shoulder, throwing her a sultry grin. "looking good, seven," he commented, adjusting his black tie.

before y/n could respond with a snarky remark of her own, a hand was placed on her shoulder as she felt the heat from a body close to hers.

"i suggest you turn back around, six," the voice of jay, now sarcastic and brooding, spoke out. "your interview is starting."

as the slightly flustered tribute entered the stage, y/n faced jay, now realizing exactly how close they were. his face was mere centimeters from hers, a firm stare in his eyes.

unlike her, jay was clad in a sleek all-black suit, with gold cuffs and a gold handkerchief in his breast pocket. his hair was styled into a comma, eyebrows brushed and sleek, and ears adorned with multiple gold studs and loops. his eyes were painted with the same gold eyeliner as y/n and his fingers were wrapped with gold rings.

she could feel the heat from his breath, smell the subtle scent of his body wash, and hear the low beating of his heart. the hand on her exposed shoulder dropped, causing her to look up at him. he had taken a step back, repositioning himself in the line.

"you good?" he asked, a concerned expression on his face.

"yeah...i'm okay," she mumbled, turning back around.

she stood still, trying to calm the clamoring in her heart. she fanned herself with her hands, cooling down the heat spreading on her face. to others, it looked like she was flustered to be next on stage. but she knew that the fluttering in her stomach was for a completely different reason.

the audience applauded as the district 6 male finished up his interview, taking a large bow before leaving the stage. caesar flickerman laughed loudly and faced the cameras, microphone right underneath his chin.

"now, district 7, with gorgeous outfits for gorgeous tributes. let's hear it for y/n l/n, seventeen from the seventh district!"

y/n inhaled sharply before stepping into the spotlight, flashing a bright smile as she waved to the audience. the cheers grew louder with each step she took, shaking hands with caesar before sitting down in the interviewee's chair.

she sat with one leg crossed over the other and hands placed on her top knee, just like tiffany instructed her to. "welcome, y/n!" caesar exclaimed with a grin. "how are you liking the capitol?"

"it's very different from home, that's for sure," she responded with a light nod. "i have to say, the fashion here is quite extraordinary. never could i have imagined that i'd be wearing a ballroom gown, talking to a man with bright-red hair in front of the whole nation."

caesar paused for a moment, touching his said hair. "are you talking about me?"

"yes, i'm talking about you, caesar," y/n replied with a laugh.

the host let out a hearty chuckle, causing the audience to laugh along. "now, speaking of home," he continued, leaning towards the tribute. "is there anyone special back there? someone you're interested in? there has to be someone interested in you--who wouldn't fall for this stunning smile?"

y/n felt her smile falter as the audience cheered at the comment. caesar's question suddenly reminded her of the boy back at home, most likely watching the broadcast while he worked late hours to provide for his family. how could she forget? the day he ended their relationship, right before she got pulled into the games. she realized that the days she spent in the capitol were void of ethan, her mind completely focused on training and the day she was dreading.

and maybe a different boy, too.

but caesar's question caused her to swallow thickly, feeling guilty for forgetting about him. the boy she promised her heart to, the one who gave her his love seconds before they were ripped apart.

"well...uh..."

she found herself unable to think of a straight answer. "there...there's this boy..."

caesar hummed, egging her on. "he's the most wonderful person ever, kind and caring, a complete family man," she added, a smile forming as she thought about ethan. "he always prioritized others before himself. took care of his siblings when his parents couldn't. made sure to ask me if i ate even when he had no food."

but the smile didn't last long, soon dropping before she continued, "but we ended things before the reaping because he thought he was going to be reaped. he didn't want me hanging onto him if he died in the arena."

a dry chuckle escaped her lips. "but here i am, standing here instead of him. i guess things didn't turn out the way we expected them to."

caesar had a pitiful expression on his face as the audience cooed, some sniffling in the crowd. "i'm sorry about that," he said, placing his hand on top of hers. "i wish you the best of luck in the hunger games."

"thanks, caesar," y/n replied, shooting him a small smile.

"well, there we have it, ladies and gentlemen," the host concluded, helping her stand up. "from district 7, the brave and courageous y/n l/n!"

he raised her hand, letting y/n take in all the applause as the crowd stood and cheered. she left momentarily afterwards, welcoming herself into tiffany's arms backstage.

"darling, you did amazing," she said, rubbing her shoulders soothingly. y/n knew why tiffany was reacting this way but chose not to speak, appreciating the moment of comfort the escort provided her.

she escaped her arms, stepping closer to the screen backstage to watch jay's interview. he was already on stage, seated next to caesar with a charming smile.

"so jay, tell me, how is it that such an attractive man is sitting here right next to me? hm? do tell."

jay chuckled at the host's comment. "well, i'm just alright. but if you insist, i think it must be the brows."

"no need to be humble, jay. but are my red eyebrows as dashing as yours?" caesar questioned, raising his brows repeatedly. "if i'm being honest, i think mine are better." the audience howled with laughter, causing both jay and caesar to join with the crowd.

"now, tell me," the host continued. "do you have a special someone? our gorgeous district 7 tributes surely do not lack in the beauty department, do they folks?"

the audience cheered as a soft smile formed on jay's face. "look at him! jay park, with the jawline and the muscles! surely you had admirers back home, didn't you?"

jay chuckled again before speaking, "well, caesar, i wasn't really that desirable-"

"humble again," caesar interrupted by fake-whispering to the audience, inducing more laughter from the crowd.

"-but i did have my eyes on this girl from home," jay finished, piquing the host's interest. "oh! do tell."

"she's from the same neighborhood as me," jay added. "actually, we're next door neighbors."

the audience gasped with excitement and shock. but y/n froze, eyes never leaving the screen backstage. she knew that no one in the capitol knew they were next door neighbors--nobody except for y/n and jay themselves.

"i wish i could've talked to her more before i left, but i was reaped unexpectedly," jay said with a frown.

caesar matched the frown on the tribute's face. "well, you go out and win those games, and you tell her how you feel when you get home, okay?"

jay awkwardly smiled, responding with a small, "okay."

"ladies and gentlemen, the charismatic jay park from district 7!" caesar finished, triggering cheering and applause from the audience.

y/n watched as he exited the stage, approaching where she was standing with their team. tiffany immediately sauntered up to him, patting him on the back. "marvelous, darling! you answered so well!"

jay shot a weak smile at the escort before meeting y/n's eyes, already knowing that she figured it out. he quickly left backstage, heading towards the elevator to go to their apartment.

but y/n followed him, narrowly squeezing into the elevator just before its doors closed. jay gulped, avoiding her eyes as she stepped closer to him, leaning against the glass windows.

"jay," she began, softening her voice. "was...was that about-"

"yes."

he locked his gaze with hers, clenching his jaw tightly. "it was about you."

y/n's eyebrows furrowed, parting her lips to speak. "but-"

"i'm sorry that i feel this way and i completely understand if you don't feel the same," jay interrupted. "but nothing is going to change how i feel. i know that one of us will die, or maybe even both of us. but i can't help it."

the elevator dinged, its doors opening to the seventh floor. jay exited, followed by y/n, not turning around to look at her as he stopped at the entrance of their apartment. "i have feelings for you, y/n. and i know i shouldn't be having them when we're fighting against death in less than 24 hours."

"jay, wait-"

he opened their apartment door, immediately leaving her at the foyer as he made a beeline to his room. the loud slamming of his door echoed around the apartment, making an obvious statement to y/n.

y/n could barely force herself to sleep last night. with the hunger games dawning upon her and jay's words ringing in her ears, she spent most of her night tossing and turning under the covers.

but as she sat in the jet, transporting her to the arena with a tracker in her arm, she realized that the one event she dreaded most was finally happening. there was no turning back--the games were about to begin.

johanna led her to her tube in the launch room, brushing off her brown jacket seconds before the tributes had to be ready. y/n's hair was tied up away from her face, sporting a cropped vest of armor and black cargo pants under her long track jacket.

"remember, avoid being lured into the cornucopia but grab anything nearby," her mentor advised, straightening the collar of the jacket. "and find a source of water and food as early as possible. burn out all fires before it gets dark and make sure to hide well."

johanna paused, placing her hands on y/n's shoulders. "and please, stay alive. i believe in you."

y/n nodded. "thanks for everything, johanna."

the mentor smiled, a hint of uneasiness in her face. "they'll start the countdown soon. don't jump off the pedestal early, or they'll blow your guts out."

y/n stepped inside the launch tube, watching as the glass door swiveled around to a close. she felt the ground beneath her rise as johanna waved goodbye to her, causing y/n to smile sadly back.

she turned her head upwards, squinting her eyes as the dark space flooded with light. her tube stopped moving, locking into place as a burning heat overwhelmed her body. she scanned the arena, her heart beating faster than ever.

"the countdown begins now. 60..."

it was a ruined city. all rubble and dry concrete. the sunlight was pelting on them like a fire, breaking the tributes out into a sweat. a single pillar, chipped at some of the edges, was surrounded by backpacks and weapons alike. some of the supplies were spread out, varying in locations across the cornucopia.

"...45..."

y/n noticed a backpack a couple of meters away from her. she locked her eyes on it, planning to grab it before running.

"...30..."

she blinked harshly, the dryness of the heat getting to her eyes. she noticed jay several pedestals away from her, already looking at her.

"...20..."

her hands were already sweaty and shaking from both the anxiety and heat. but jay's eyes comforted her, slightly relaxing the stress in her body. it was as if all the tension from last night between them evaporated into thin air.

"...10..."

she felt her chest heaving, struggling to breathe from the rapid beating in her chest and the dust in the air.

"...9..."

she closed her eyes, trying to calm herself down.

"...8..."

she inhaled slowly and took her time to exhale.

"...7..."

she opened her eyes, adjusting her eyes to the bright sun again.

"...6..."

she eyed the backpack in front of her, feeling her heart racing even more.

"...5..."

she looked at jay, who was preparing to run.

"...4..."

he met her stare, their eyes locking with each other.

"...3..."

she mouthed a "stay alive."

"...2..."

he nodded as his lips said, "you too."

"...1..."

within the end of a second, the 73rd hunger games had begun.

© snwpcktz

taglist: @kpopstanmeg @kyunlov

[melanieph321]

Ruben Dias x Reader - City Girls Part 7/8

Yeah this is a mess I can't fix 😅. Had fun writing this chapter tho since it ft Kyle Walker whom I am very fond of 🤣

Reader plays for the Man City girls academy. She struggles a bit but gets Ruben to mentor her. The the two don't hit off despite having many things in common. It all gets worse when Reader eventually catches feelings for Ruben.

Enjoy!

Cityzens Day.

It was mainly for the club sponsors but alot of players brought along their families and friends as the day was filled with fun activities, football challanges and the ever so popular guided tour inside the Ethiad campus.

It was your first time attending, although it was mandatory for all City players. A little sad, that you weren't able to bring your family from Brazil. They would have loved it, especially the chance to play football at the Ethiad Stadium. Apparently that was the highlight of the event, a friendly game between players from all levels, men, women, girls and boys, and of course their families. The game would be broadcasted on the teams website and it usually brought alot of laughs to alot of people. You couldn't wait to play, but until then you wandered the campus alone, watching other players enjoying spending quality time with their families.

"Hey Y/N, come here!"

You were observing a very intense juggling contests between an academy player and someone's kid, when coach spotted you in the crowd, waving you over.

"Meet my family." He stood next to a beautiful red-haired woman and young boy with a toothy smile. "This is my wife Trish, my son Ethan and that over there..." He pointed towards the crowd, to the center of it, where the juggling contests was happening. "That is my daughter Lucy." He said.

"Wow, she's really good."

She was definitely bruising the ego of the young academy player. He would certainly up his juggling game after this.

"You know, she reminds me alot of you." Coach smiled. "I can't get her to stop juggling the ball either."

"Seems like her talent won't go to waste today, the price is a Playstation 6, no?"

You shared a laugh. Coach had a lovely family who had flown all the way from Australia to see him. Cityzens Day was really the best time for that.

A food truck pulled up to campus just in time for lunch. You bought a taco bowl so big that you had to share it with another player as she saw you struggling.

"So when are you coming to play with us again." She asked, you knew her as Alison Bennett.

"I dunno?" You sighed. "I don't think I fit into the kind of squad your coach wants."

"Are you joking?" Alison frowned. "But you played so well with us."

It was strange really, but since it happned more than once now, that you got excluded from playing with the first team, you simply assumed the worst. Even though Ruben told you not to worry about it, you couldn't help but to. Your development as a player was at stake. And the fact that Ruben's diet helped you put on a few pounds was not a constellation. Perhaps the coaches on the first team had noticed, that you were getting fat?

"Speaking of playing, are you on for the game this afternoon?" Alison asked.

"The game against cityzens?"

"Yeah?"

You smiled. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."

"Great. I really hope you're on my team. I'm the captain. We're gonna need...."

Alison got tuned out as you sighted something in the distance, or better yet, someone. It was Ruben, walking side by side with a woman just as tall as him only thinner. She was wearing a Man City jersey, sporting the number three, Ruben's number three. He held a hand to her lower back, guiding her around, introducing her to his teammates.

"Speaking of players I would like on my team." Alison took notice of where all your attention had gone. "We could surley use a defender like Dias."

"Ruben?" You asked, your voice a bit strained.

She nodded "He's like the best defender City's got. We'll never concede goals with him on our team."

You turned back to look at Ruben and the woman he had brought. Could it be his girlfriend? In that case Ruben didn't have a type, because you looked nothing like her.

"He used to coach me, you know?" Alison leaned in and whispered.

"Who, Ruben?"

She bit her lip, nodding her head.

"B...but you're a forward?"

"So? Aren't you one too? Nevertheless,  Ruben used to teach me how to improve my skills. You know, help me get past the...."

"Defenders." You said, finishing of her sentence.

"Yeah, exactly. He's a really good coach."

"I can imagine." You ignored the painful beating of your heart. "Tell me..." You asked. ".. did you used to go to his place to, you know,"hang out"?"

She snorted. "No, why would I do that?"

"Oh."

A slight relief.

Alison stood, having helped you finish your meal. Her smile was devious. "No, Ruben used to take me back to the infirmary. We used to"hang out" there."

Your heart sank.

It was the realization that perhaps you were one of many.

********************************************

The afternoon sun was setting over Manchester City, but Cityzens Day was far from over. The game of cityzens was still on the agenda.

You laced up your cleats and stepped onto the football pitch at the magnificent Ethiad Stadium. It was truly breath taking playing in front so many people. Although the game was for fun, you were determined to showcase your talent, and even more determined to win against Ruben and his team. That's right, he was the captain of a squad containing lots of good players from all divisions. Players that made your teammates look like freaking toddlers.

"Alright! Ladies, fellas, huddle up!" A man urged for all the players on your team to gather around him. He was big, but funny looking, with a voice that did not match his brutal appearance.

"I'm Kyle Walker, but you can call me your captain for this evening."

"Captain?" Alison frowned. You were lucky to have her om your team, however, she did not look happy to find the captains armband handed to someone else. "We never voted for you to be our captain." She protested.

"Well, you should have. I have the experience when it matters and feel confident that I can lead this team to victory." He said.

"How?" A young U21 player squealed. Like the rest of you he was glaring at Ruben and his team as they warmed up on the opposite side of the pitch. The majority of Ruben's squad were players from the men's first team, including their assistant coaches.

"They're gonna eat us alive." The boy said, to which everyone agreed.

"Well that's not the spirit. Come on guys, hands in." Kyle ordered for everyone to stretch out a hand towards the ring you formed. "Victory on three, alright. One...two...three...VICTORY!" Kyle shouted, whilst the rest of you mumbled the words. Nevertheless you personally were not intimidated. You had played against tough opponents before, and you knew that you had a team that could give it their all, because Manchester City was arguably the best football club in the world.

The whistle blew, and the game began.

The first half was a blur of sweat and noise, as the two teams battled it out on the field. You dribbled and ran, dodging and weaving around your opponents, but Ruben and his team were tough to beat. They were bigger and stronger, and they had a few tricks up their sleeves.

"Whatta fuck!"

You ate dirt as Ruben ordered his players to tag team you. You stood no chance as Ruben was well aware that you rather go on your own than pass the ball.

"I'm sorry Y/N."

Ester pulled you up from the ground, having helped her teammates knock you down. She was playing for Ruben but seemed genuinely sorry for how he was running his play.

"Just give me the ball." You scuffed, as coach blew the whistle, handing your team a freekick for the offense made against you.

Kyle took it and missed.

The game resumed.

"Come on team, it's not over yet!" Your "captain", encouraged. "Fight until the end!"

As the second half began, your team was down by three goals, the majority of players being tired, cold and dirty, ready to throw in the towel. But you refused to give up. You knew that you had to do something to turn the game around, and you were determined to be the one to make it happen.

The moment didn't reveal itself until injury time. During he last minute's of the game. Ruben misjudged a pass, and you saw your chance. Charging directly towards him you had no other intention than to dribble past him.

"Pass the ball!" Kyle shouted, pointing to Alison who stood open, ready to receive the assist.

Your heart was pounding in your chest, you had to do this, you had to try and get past him. However Ruben's braud frame made it nearly impossible for you to sight the goal behind him. He looked smug, aware that your chances of getting past him were slim to none. But you had prepared for this. Ruben had prepared you for this. As he lunged forwards, you did not hesitate to bring the fight to him. The two of you clashed together, with Ruben's strangeth throwing you off, however you had suprised him with an elbow to his lower ribs, the quick jab making him fold before your eyes. It was your chance to get past him. For that split second that you caught him lacking you managed to ship the ball in the air and leaped your body over Ruben's extended leg. It was the moment of the match, the crowd on their feet watching a 60kg girl go head to head with one of the world's greatest defenders, beating him to it, sending the ball into the back off the net.

The crowd erupted in cheers, and your team rushed onto the field, arms around each other's shoulders, grinning from ear to ear.

"That's what I'm talking about. That's how we play!" Kyle Walker was in the verge of tears. You may have lost the game, but you had proven that you were not to be underestimated. Not now, not ever. By anyone.

"Great game Y/N."

"Um, thanks."

Ester approached you as the pitch cleared of people, friends and family members heading their respective ways. Cityzens Day was officially over.

"I really mean it, you played amazing."

You were on the ground tying your cleats. Looking up at Ester you sighed. "What do you want?"

Her expression was hard to read, her eyes desperate to tell you somthing. "I..." She squealed.

You stood, hands on your hips. "Yes?"

She sighed. "I'm sorry it had to be this way...between us. You really deserve to play with the first team but so do I. I've fought all of my life for this position."

"And I haven't?" You gasped. "Ester if you've got somthing else to say to me I rather not hear it." You turned your back on her and walked away, however, she fought to catch up to you.

"Come on Y/N. At least now you get to be with your boyfriend. I mean it was his idea."

"Whatta hell are you talking about Ester. I don't have a boyfriend."

"Could have fooled me." She chuckled, to which you frowned. "Ruben practically begged me not to tell the club officials about you two. He told me that he would talk to the coaches on the first team, tell them how you were having problems settling into a new country, mental problems, that were effecting your performance."

"He did what?"

Suddenly you lost the sensation of your hands and feet.

Ester nodded. "It worked. The coaches on the first team didn't want to put pressure on you by calling you up to play for them and so they picked me instead. It's a win-win for both of us since you get to be with Ruben and I get to play."

You were lost for words, trying to make sense of her words that were like riddles to your ears. However one thing was clear, Ruben had betrayed you, and for what?

[technologyculturedneo]

It Burns: The Second Time Around | Lee Mark

"That's why I slept with him."

Pairing. Ex-Boyfriend!Lee Mark x Reader ft Love!Jaemin

Genre. Angst. Ex lover meets new lover. Break up. Lovers to ex's.

Synopsis. It's been weeks since your half naked pictures circulated online and you feel like your life has been stuck. On one hand you wanna make up with Mark and on the other hand Jaemin floats in your mind. Wanting clarity you decide make your feelings known for the person you love.

Warning. Minor cusses. Low-key smut. Breakup. Your heart might get broken.

Playlist. Gnash I hate you, I love. Nct dream Like we just met. Ellie Goulding Love me like you do

Disclaimer. This is part 2, part 1 is called: It Burns. You can read it here

“Mum, I don’t know what to do?” Mark shakes his head staring ahead being in a daze. In his head, it’s just a repeat of everything that had happened. From him finding out what you did, to him breaking everything in the house. “I love her and Ethan, but I can’t be with her. Not after what she did.”

His mother, Mrs Lee, sits down next to him placing a cup of coffee before him. Ten years ago when he left the house, he left his mother and father in tears. They wondered why their son had chosen you over them. They were his family and you were just a girl who got pregnant. How could he leave his family for you? It was a bitter pill for them to swallow as they were a God-fearing family, and felt shame that Mark had impregnated a young girl and wanted to live with her. Not only did he demolish his own innocence and reputation, but he had to kick start at a difficult life at an early age. Where did they go wrong?

No. They did nothing wrong, it was all your fault. You got pregnant and ruined his life. They couldn’t be angry at the unborn child, but they could be angry at you. You caused their son stress and they could see just how much pressure Mark felt to grow up and take care of you and their coming child. After you gave birth to their first grandson, Mark’s parents let their hearts ‘try’ to forgive you as you brought back that light into Mark’s life. It made all his sacrifices worth it, because he could proudly say that he chose his family.

Through Ethan, Mark’s parents saw that perhaps God had chosen a different path for their son. And after years, they both began to accept you yet again.

However, nothing prepared them for the night when Mark came beating down on their door looking horrible and dreadful while crying out for his dear life. It was absolutely torture to see him in shreds of despair, pining and hating on himself for ever loving and choosing you. Mark’s mother always knew that her son would come back in her arms, she just didn’t expect that he’d come back this way. Mark’s father knew that you weren’t a perfect match for his son, but he didn’t expect for you to show how imperfect you were through your vile acts of sexual immorality.

It only brought them to have a strong distaste for you again, as not only did you break their sons heart, but you broke their daughter’s heart too. And what’s worse is that Ryujin’s pain was ten times crueler because Jaemin had proposed to her and they were going to get married in two months’ time. However, after finding out what he had been doing behind her back, she immediately called off the engagement.

And for that it only allowed for you to be put back on their list of hatred. You ruined their children’s lives. First Mark and then Ryujin. You were unforgivable at this point. There’s nothing that would change their minds.

Yet, when Mark drinks on his coffee, he can’t help but think about Ethan. “Should I just…I know Ethan loves us both, but I hate the fact that he’s caught in the middle of this mess. What’s going to happen to him? If I give up on Y/n, then we’re going to go into war for who gets to keep Ethan. And that’s not fair, he deserves both his parents to be by his side, but I can’t stand to be next to her. After everything…mum, she was at it for 4 years. She’s his mother just as much as I’m his father, and it pains me to think of him growing up with one parent. I know for sure, that if I speak with Y/n I’ll hate her, which is why I don’t even want to speak to her. But I can’t stand the fact that Ethan will grow up with one of us alone. We’ve been through so much and he…he’s just ten.” Mark slumps and voices out his thoughts out loud.

His mother listens in an understanding manner. After that call that she had with you, she wanted as much as possible to keep you away from her son. She never wanted you to enter back into his life. The only problem to that would be Ethan being caught in the crossfire. Their grandson was such a well-mannered young respectful boy. Leaving him to grow up with you would only make her heart heavy, because what type of lessons would you even teach him? To have sex at a young age? Or to cheat on his girlfriend? In Mrs Lee’s opinion, you are unfit to be a mother. You never wanted to be one and so letting Mark do all the parenting while you fooled around has finally come to bite you.

“Son,” She sets her mug down and places her warm hand gently over his. “You need to leave her. I understand you have a child with her, but she broke your chest severely.”

“But..” His voice fades into a whisper. “I can’t leave her, mum I love her,”

“You still love her? You’re willing to sacrifice your dignity and go back to her? You’re going to accept her after all she did? Mark, you can’t be serious,”

“I’m not accepting it. It’s just, why should I leave? I find it hard to believe that after all that we’ve been through and all the freedom I give her, and all of my love and heart that I’ve given her, she still went out with Jaemin? Why? For the past 3 days I’ve been trying to understand why? Or what I did?” Mark’s lips tremble and he covers his face. “And how did I not see this coming? Maybe if I found out sooner, we would’ve been able to talk and I… I would’ve been able to protect her from being publicly shamed.”

Seeing her son distraught, she stands up and moves closer to him. Embracing him in a hug, her heart aches when he lays his head on her chest and his shoulders shudder just as he cries.

“Mum, I tried everything I could to make her happy. Do you think that our chemistry was just not enough? Why did she go and look for something else outside? We were compatible mum. I fucking made vows to her and kept to my word each and every single time. What did I do wrong?”

“My son.” She runs her hand down his soft perfect hair. “Chemistry can be great between two people, and so can compatibility, love and vows. They’re all great, but what you should’ve been looking for was a relationship that nourished your soul. If she was able to keep that immoral act for years, it means she only sucked from your soul and gave you nothing, but left you dry. Mark, you are my son, and I’ve raised you with such purity. You’ve got a big heart and everyone can see it.” She sighs out. What you did was tough for her to even imagine, but now trying to explain it to her son feels even more burdening. He gave his soul to you and you broke him down. How dare you? “What she did, is absolutely disgusting. And what you’ll decided is obviously your choice, but I want you to consider your soul. If she can go out there for 4 years and plead that she’ll never do it again, are you willing to let her hold your soul again? Are you willing to give her a chance? At least even 2 years, if it were 2 years I could easily understand and perhaps even allow you to look past it, but the fact that it’s four years and on top of that it’s Jaemin… I can’t even speak. What I can tell you, is that you should speak to her, to at least get some closure for yourself and your decision and for your soul. In this relationship, you were the one who wanted a better version of yourself, and you committed yourself whole heartedly, you invested yourself into her. And the fact that she didn’t even try, makes me hope that you’ll settle for someone better, who’s worthy of you.”

“But Ethan…”

“As much as Ethan deserves both his parents, it’s up to both his parents to be committed to one another. It’s already proven that she can’t be faithful or trustworthy, or even committed. Ethan may be caught in the cross fire, but you’re my son and the way I see it, is that you’re caught in the cross fire too. She’s only ever used Ethan to get to you. But now what about you my son. I want you to consider the fact that Ethan might not grow up with you.”

If only Mark had a microscope, just to see all the pieces of his heart breaking. It shatters his soul completely to have to think of Ethan growing up without him. How could he ever want for his own son, his own flesh and blood to live without him? If Ethan were Jaemin’s child, it would be a different story, but since Ethan was his child, Mark felt that he needed to be a dad. The proud dad that he was when he carried and lifted Ethan up when you first gave birth. Mark had already handed his whole heart to Ethan the day he was born, so now how on earth would Ethan grow up if his father’s heart was broken?

Things fall apart in your house when it’s left just you and Ethan. You thought you knew your son, yet when began showing attitude to you or ignoring you, you didn’t like that you had to try to keep calm when you were around him. A week without Mark seemed to be the most chaotic in Ethan’s life, as he went to school came back to only you in the house he refused to get out of his room or listen to you and you had to give him his food in the room. You hated how closed off he was being, but you couldn’t blame him. This isn’t exactly the situation you imagined yourself to be in. You never thought that your hidden life would be public.

Not only did you break Marks’s trust, but every day when you look at Ethan, you begin to release just how much disconnection there is between everyone. Like today, Monday. You wanna drop Ethan at school, but he’s already out the house by the time you get downstairs. You decide to try again to call Mark, but just like always his call goes to voicemail. So you call on Jaemin, because there’s no one else who you can call without getting side eyes.

Jaemin answers in an instant and offers to come over. So the middle of the day around 12 o’clock, you’re opening up the door to his cautious face and stance. “Hi.”

“Hi.” You stiffly smile. This would be the first time you’re interacting with him ever since the scandal blow up online and out of proportion. “Come in,”

Jaemin clears his throat, stepping inside the house. “Mark here?”

“He hasn’t come home since,”

“Mm,” Jaemin nods his head while making his way to the living room and taking a seat on the couch. “So, how have you been?”

You take a seat next to him and shake your head. “Can we get the formalities out the way and just…talk,”

“Ryujin ended the engagement.” Jaemin lets out. “I tried explaining to her, but Y/n, the only thing I could tell her is that I love you, and only you. It broke her heart, but at least it-”

“Goddamnit Jaemin, why the hell would you tell her that?” You sigh and sink into your seat rubbing on your temple.

“Because Y/n, I love you. I can’t hide it anymore, and it’s fucking better that the cats are out of the bag and everyone knows. I love you, and now-”

“Jaemin-”

“I hate sounding so selfish, but when Ryujin called off the engagement I was so happy. For years I’ve been unhappy. She’s a great girl, a wonderful woman, but my heart has only been set on you. It only beats for you. It’s better that everything is out now, and we might look like the most selfish people on the face of the earth, but who cares. What matters is that we can finally be together, finally free from Ryujin and Mark. You don’t even love him like that, you’re just in a relationship with him because you’ve got a kid. You said that getting in a relationship with her would make me forget you, but I can’t forget you. Not with the way I love you. And I bet you haven’t been able to forget me either. Ryujin is not you, she’s not the girl of my dreams and Mark doesn’t know you like I know. He hasn’t been your pillow and comforter the way I have. I know it sucks to hear all this now but-”

“Jaemin how many times do I have to say that we’re not having that conversation? We already cleared this up that- We can’t keep-”

“Admit it.” Jaemin holds onto your hand looking into your eyes. “You’re scared to take the next step with me even though you really want to. Come on, Y/n. I know I’m not the boy’s father, but I promise you that I can love you and him. You love me too, I know you do but you can’t think about me because of Mark and your child. Please Y/n, can’t you just consider it? Consider us as a possibility?”

“I-” Before you to even respond, there’s a knock on the door. You instantly get up on your feet having a feeling that you know who it is. “Jaemin, please hide.”

“What?”

You whisper panic while pulling on his arm ignoring his confused face. “Jaemin, if it’s Mark you’ll only ruin-”

“You can’t be fucking serious,” Jaemin looks hurt but follows you while you pull him. “You’re making me hide?”

“Jaemin, just for now please.” You silence him by leaning on your tippy toes and give him a peck on the lips. Your lips getting in contact with his has you moving back instantly in shock, just as Jaemin’s ears perk up. Why did you do that? Not trying to dwell on it, you close the closet filled with cleaning supplies and Jaemin’s body before making it to the front door. You don’t even have to look at the peep hole to know it’s Mark. You knew it was him just from the way he knocks gently on the door.

You’re expecting him to be angry, looking down casted and under the weather just the same way you have been for the past week. But when you open up the door and see him holding up a teddy bear with a belly saying: I love you, your eyes water in melancholy. He brushes his hair back and looks up into your eyes, and you swear you can see just how much love he still has for you and how much he’s willing to enter back into your life after what you did.

“I’m sorry for last time.” His voice is meek. Your neck heats up and you shrivel back looking down. “I shouldn’t have gone wild like that. I should’ve listened to you and at least given you a chance to explain,”

“Mark you’re too kind,” Your eyes get blurry and you feel so conscious of how much Mark has always been the perfect and strong one in your relationship. That he made sure that you were always alright and that your needs and your everything were being attained to. Seeing him now, you feel just how much you don’t deserve him.

Mark doesn’t know how to respond to your words, but he carefully takes a step forward and gently lays a hand on your arm. You don’t recoil and that allows him to slide his arms around your shoulders before embracing you in such a deep hug that you break again for a second time inside. You’re crying for different reasons, one being how much you hate yourself for what you did, two being how much you love Mark for always being the sweet understanding boyfriend you could ever ask for, three for how foolish you are in hugging him while Jaemin hides out in the closet and four just for having him back into your life, wanting to listen to you and your side. You hit the jackpot with him, but why does it have to be so hard.

Mark on the other hand is oblivious to your thoughts and hugs you tighter shutting his eyes after placing a kiss on your head. No matter what his mother said, his heart just wanted you back. Before making up the decision to come back to you, he told himself that he first needed to listen to you. It’s not fair only reading about what you did and getting a final conclusion. Even though the proof is all over the media, he felt the need to listen to you. There’s no doubt that you were cheating on him, but if it’s something you ended and wanted to move on from it, how could he say no to that? You were the love of his life. The one whom he gave up everything for so that he could be happy. You were his everything and he didn’t want this ‘little’ thing to break you guys apart.

“I love you Y/n,” Mark’s words breathe softly into your ears and you shake your head closing your eyes and burying yourself deeper into him. “I can’t live without you, and I don’t want Ethan to live without the both of us in his life, together as a family. I know we can get through this,”

“Mark I’m so sorry,” Your muffled words are hidden against his shoulder, but he hears them.

“It’s okay baby, come on let’s go inside,”

Allowing Mark to take the lead in closing the door and holding your hand as you both make it to the living room, you sit down beside him only staring at his hand that has yours engulfed. Even the way he holds your hands in his is so precious and with so much admiration. You can’t even look up into his eyes, knowing that your eyes will reveal just how much of an indecisive person you are.

On one hand, you can’t lie and say that you don’t love Jaemin, but on the other hand you know that you love Mark. You love both of them differently, and even though you might love Jaemin a little bit more than you love Mark, you know for sure that you love Mark and wouldn’t to live your life without him.

“How has Ethan been?” Mark asks quietly, allowing a little smile to rest on his face. It hurts to look at you and you’re not even looking at him. You look so guilty, so ashamed and just to pitiful. Mark doesn’t know whether it’s because of what you did, or perhaps it’s because you feel so bad for him. If anything him accepting and coming back to you is pitiful according to his mother. She said he deserved so much better then what you could offer him. But Mark’s heart beats for you, and it’s why he took the chance.

You shrug your shoulders and let out a sigh giving Mark a tired smile before looking away. “Ethan… It’s clear I was never his favorite parent,”

“Don’t say that,” Mark’s other hand smooths over your head gently as you look into his eyes. “He just doesn’t like seeing us fight. He loves you,”

You know Ethan loves you, but over the past week with his sudden mood swings, you weren’t so sure. “I just…you were right. It’s hard looking at him and trying to explain the things I did to you… Mark I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, and I… I really didn’t want to hurt you. I didn’t mean for it to happen. He hates me because you’re not coming back home. He’s been so stubborn the past few days that it’s been dawning on me. I am really… What I did is unforgiveable. I’m sorry for allowing things to get out of hand between Jaemin and I. We were just friends but during the times you would be at work…Jaemin was there. I guess it all went to my hand, and I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for things to get to where they are. I love you and I didn’t want to hurt you Mark. I love you so much but I did something so unforgivable.”

Mark watches how your face bursts in multiple types of emotions, from disappointment to shame all the way to remorse and self-loath. And to be honest, Mark hates seeing you like this. To him you were always precious and fragile, at times you were almost durable and flexible.

He takes in a sharp breath. “Babe,” Mark bites his lip lightly and gently bringing his hand underneath your chin to lift your head up to look at him. “I…I forgive you. I know it’s stupid of me to forgive you, I know I’m a fool. However, when it comes to you, I always wanna be by your side. It may be hard but I know we can get through this. It’s why I’m here, why I wanna give you another chance-”

“No.” You shake your head and shut your eyes. “I’ll be lying if I say, I haven’t thought about how much I’ve ruined your life with the pregnancy of Ethan. I’ll be lying if I say I haven’t thought about our relationship this past week…and I’ll be lying if I say… that I don’t think you’ll love me the same way again.”

“Of course I will,” Mark answers, but deep down it gnaws on him that you cheated and that you cheated with a friend of his, and that if he didn’t understand the dynamic of this four relationship affair- then you might cheat again. “Okay, maybe you’re right. Things will be different, but aren’t you willing to try? I came back because I thought insanely about how much I need you in my life. You’re not perfect, but you make every sacrifice I’ve made worth it. We’re not married, but you’re my whole world and I wanna defend you. Seeing those comments online only made me want to be there for you, to at least get them down and return your reputation. You’re my baby just as much as you’re my girlfriend. You mean everything to me. Just please, please can we start again?”

Looking up into Mark’s sincere eyes, you can hear how fast your heart is beating and how guilty each and every heart beat feels. Your eyes water and you cover your face with your hand before standing up and moving away from the living room. Mark is up on his feet too wanting to follow you- but when you reappear again in the living, Mark is surprised to see the other human being that emerges.

He sucks in a deep breath and tries to hold his emotions in check. But it’s difficult when he sees how you’re holding Jaemin’s hand and bringing him forward. He keeps his head down with his hands to his waist while trying to maintain his breathing.

“Mark…”

Mark inhales and exhales before looking up with a painful smile. “So I guess I’m the fool right?”

“No,” You breathlessly say as you walk before him but staying an inch away and closing your tearfilled eyes. “You wanted to talk, and he also wanted to talk, I just… I d-didn’t… I don’t want to be stuck in the middle. Mark…”

Mark backs up and looks at Jaemin who has no remorse on his face. Jaemin always had the ability to make himself disattached to any type of emotion. Seeing him look so normal yet possessive makes Mark look away in despair. “You already chose him,” He whispers out.

“Mark that’s not fair, you said you wanted to hear me out,”

“Yeah I wanted to hear you wanting to have a second chance at this shot, not hear how you feel about him- I…” Mark holds his tongue back pinching the bridge of his nose turning around. He came here peacefully, but he’s feeling his emotions having the best of him.

“Mark I love her.”

That seems to be the icing on top of the cake when Jaemin confesses his feelings for you. It takes nothing else for Mark to lunge past you and ball his fists against Jaemin’s shirt yanking back and forth breathing out in pure anger. Jaemin holds onto Mark’s hands which are on the shirt and looks deeply into his eyes. “How fucking dare you sleep with my girlfriend and then say such things-” Mark implodes and can’t hold back his fists from flying straight across Jaemin’s face.

You’re gasping and pleads of Mark to stop doesn’t go noticed by any of them as Jaemin grunts but holds in his own anger while trying to calm Mark down- who continuously swings his fists. Eventually, Jaemin swings his own fists and sends a hard blow against Mark’s eye.

Mark instantly let’s go of Jaemin and attends to his own eye that already looks impacted. His ears can hear you speaking and up till now Mark just understands that his mother was right, you’re not committed to him. “Mark please, you said you wanted to hear me out,”

Mark stands up straight with one hand to his eye that’s forming a nasty bruise. “I want full custody of Ethan.”

“Mark-”

“You never wanted him anyway-”

“Mark that’s not true-”

“I don’t want some other guy raising my son. If you want to visit you can, but he’s not staying here. And if you’re gonna make it hard. I’ll make it harder. He’s my son, not his and surely not yours. You don’t even care that you’re tearing us apart.” Mark glares at Jaemin before sharply turning and heading to the door.

Watching him leave ignites a fire in your heart. “That’s why I slept with him.” Your broken voice paired with your wretched yet heated tone has Jaemin looking up to him.

Your words make Mark stop half way on the journey to the door. Your words inflict such a painful ache in his heart, that he hears it shattering.

“You say your main priority is me but for all the years we’ve been together it’s always about Ethan. Even though you work from morning till late, you come back always asking firstly about Ethan. You don't care about me. You don’t care if I go out alone, you don’t care if I do what I want, you don’t consider me the way you claim you do, you don’t have sex with me the right way. You only care if Ethan is okay, whether or not his school is teaching him the right syllabus, if his friends are good to him, your world only revolves around Ethan and I know I’m his mum, but Mark I’m your girlfriend, when have you ever spent a dime on me. It’s always me and Ethan, me and Ethan, me and Ethan. Jaemin cares about me and Ethan.” You put emphasis. “He cares for me. And he cares for Ethan. In your mind me and Ethan are one, and as long as Ethan is hurt, you’ll never attend to me. As long as Ethan is fine, you'll never attend to me, because in your mind Ethan comes first. Not me. I slept with Jaemin because he didn’t see me as just the mother of Ethan. He saw me for me. He saw me first and cared for. He still cares for me.”

Mark doesn’t look back, but he makes his voice audible. “So that means I have full custody over Ethan right. Since I care about him so much-”

“Mark,” You let out a disappointed sigh. “Can’t you for once think about me-”

“I fucking have been thinking about you!” Mark’s voice starts out low before his voice rises higher in anger. It even makes him turn around and walking back to you. “From the first fucking day we got the results that you were pregnant I thought about you! I fucking took away your innocence! I took away your life! You didn’t deserve to stop going to school because of a child, you didn’t deserve to be shamed because you were pregnant, you didn’t deserve everything that was coming to you- that’s why I took up the pain for you. I made sure that you didn’t feel hurt about having Ethan. I gave you all the freedom you wanted if it meant that you could smile and live a normal life again. You think I only care for Ethan? Fuck, Y/n, I left my family to be with you. You and your fucking ungrateful self. You wanted to go back to school- I paid for your college fees! You wanted to open a shop- I fucking boat a whole land plot to let you build your business! You wanted space and not more kids- I gave you my word that I wouldn’t bring up kids again! You wanted a bigger house- I got the bigger house! I looked after Ethan just so you wouldn’t feel alone! I care for you! I fucking care for you not because you’re Ethan’s mum but because you were my first everything! I thought I was doing you a favor- I… God you make me so mad.” Mark turns away with the tears getting out his eyes. He breathes out in sheer pain and turns to Jaemin. “You want her? Take her, she clearly never wanted me in the first place. Just- fuck.”

Mark feels lightheaded when leaving and banging the front door. Not only could he not believe the words that left your mouth, but he couldn’t believe how stupid he had been. He can’t describe how much his heart hurts, how painful it is…how it burns his soul to know that he lost you.

2 weeks later...

"It feels so weird not having Ethan around, I know I say this every night but," You mutter when laying down on Jaemin's chest. "I miss him so much. Like, at this time I usually listen to him rant about having cookies, I prepare him for bed, kiss him goodnight, close the lights for him and just...Gosh it's so weird. I don't know how I'll ever get used to this. They literally said I can only see him once? Like seriously,"

Jaemin's eyes are closed, yet he isn't sleeping, he's just listening to you and running his hand past your back as you whisper out to him. Although you and Mark weren't married, Mark treated Ethan's custody methods as a business deal. Meaning legally you were only allowed to see Ethan once a week if you wanted. And Jaemin isn't blind to how much you're trying to cope without Ethan and Mark, but it's hard on him too having to hear you break down.

Although he wanted you, he knew just how important Ethan was to you. He knew that Ethan was your son and you felt connected to him as a mother. He was prepared to love both you and Ethan, but when Mark made the break up official by packing up Ethan's things and moving away, Jaemin saw the life drain from your eyes. And he didn't like that. It's almost like he tore you from the inside out. It's almost like he made you chose between family and him.

What's kinda sad is how you didn't even chose...you were indecisive but you never wanted both Mark and Ethan to leave your life. And Jaemin felt extremely bad. So when he turns to face you and his arms engulf and caress you sweetly, you sink deeper into him while he sinks into you. "I can never forgive myself for separating you guys,"

"Baby..."

"I find it difficult to, when every night you talk about him. I'm sorry," Jaemin buries his head on your nest of warm hair and closing his eyes.

You sigh and hold onto Jaemin tighter. "You didn't separate us. Mark and I...just weren't meant to be together. It sucks that Ethan was born and we had to grow feelings for him, and now that he's gone all the memories are simply memories. But please baby, don't feel like it's your fault. You were right in so many ways, and I needed clarity. I was too young to be a mum and I was barely even ready to be a mum. And i thank God for the clarity that he gave. It's tough, but it's better this way. I have my whole life ahead of me, and when it will be time and I'm ready to have a family, I wanna have it with you."

Jaemin smiles when shifting his head to look at you. "I guess this is something we both have to get used to,"

"I regret how everything played out, but I don't regret ending up with you. It is something we have to get used to, but as long as we're together it'll all be okay,"

"It will be," Jaemin kisses your forehead. "I love you," Jaemin hugs you again. "Now let's get some sleep,"

-

1 year later...

"Congratulations babe, I'm so proud of you!" Jaemin catches you as you jump into his arms while he spins you around. "I'm so proud of you." Jaemin kisses your lips when placing you down.

You laugh out and give him a little twirl while showing off your trophy and graduation gown. Finally, after your years of studying you've graduated from college with honors. You smile when he snaps a few shots of you.

"You look like a fresh graduate who came out the womb of success," Jaemin adorns you in another set of hugs and kisses. "I'm so happy for you, my beautiful graduate." He presses a kiss on the crown of your head and you feel yourself melt at his words. "Let's go take pictures."

Getting in line to get professional pictures with your awards and your gown as well as with your man by your side, you couldn't feel more happier knowing that he was still with you and that he supported you throughout everything.

"Thank you, Jaemin, for everything." you say softly before pulling away from him to look at the photographer standing by. Your eyes sparkle and a large grin forms on your face when he takes a couple more pictures of you and Jaemin together.

It was your graduation ceremony which took place at the civil luxurious courtyard, where the entire graduating class stood. Students from all four departments of our university were lounging around comfortably inside the auditorium waiting patiently for their turn to take pictures. The sun rays hit the students with its warm rays and it was a nice day today. It was a perfect day to celebrate your graduation with friends, family, and classmates.

Your mum was there, some of your class friends where there, your lecturers who liked you were there…and even Mark and Ethan were there. You remember when you got on stage to receive your certificates and awards, you saw Mark smiling and looking up to you with such an undefined look. It's ages since you saw him, as the times you'd visit Ethan, he'd never be around…so seeing him accept your ceremony invitation had your heart feeling warm.

Jaemin nudges you gently to snap you back into reality, you looks up towards the same direction as Jaemin to see Mark and Ethan were approaching you. "Do you want some time alone?" Jaemin offers genuinely. He knew that even though you stopped visiting Ethan as frequently as before, you still had a soft spot for them both. And he didn't want to be a middle man whenever it came to you and Mark…and Ethan.

"Stay," You whisper lightly to Jaemin…truth be told, this is your first time seeing Mark after he came to take Ethan away from your house a year ago.

"Congratulations mum," Ethan, in his boyish charm hugs you around your waist and steps back. You notice he's got slight tears by his eyes.

It pulls on your tear strings as well as you hug him back. "Thank you my boy, I'm so happy you could make it. Mummy feels really happy seeing you,"

Ethan's hug deepens and you have to hold your ground strong otherwise you might fall over. Jaemin sees this and holds onto the back of your waist helping you balance. It allows you to have more time in embracing Ethan. "I miss you mum,"

"I miss you too Ethan," You whisper back to him your hand patting down his hair. It's when you slightly open your eyes, you see Mark standing a few feet back with his eyes on the ground. You pull back from Ethan and pat his cheeks wiping his eyes that had tears.

Living with his dad was great, but he missed living with you too. And although he hated how you haven't been visiting him, he hated more how you and Mark had broken up. Despite the pain in his heart, all he could do was smile. "Mummy, wants to talk to dad for a bit, is that okay? I wanna ask him if you can stay for the after party. They'll be juice and cake for everyone later,"

"Yeah sounds good." Ethan enlightens. You let him go and Ethan awkwardly greets Jaemin with a head bow.

You turn your attention to Mark who doesn't seem to notice you walk up to him- it's only till he notices a pair of high heels in his line of vison does he look up seeing you. "Hey," You greet brightly.

To your despair, his eyes don't light up as brightly as he used to, his smile is short and he doesn't keep eye contact with you. His eyes go to the floor, to Ethan behind you, they linger on yours for a spilt second before they return to the floor. His hands are in his pants and he's attention isn't on you. If you look closely…he looks sad.

When a hand wraps around your waist, you snap out of your thoughts seeing that Mark is looking to your side. Jaemin is holding onto your waist while Ethan is standing back next to his dad. "I'm sorry what?"

"Mark was asking what time will it end? The after party," Jaemin recaps, noting that you zoned out while Ethan was asking for permission.

"Oh, uh.. I'll bring him back if you're okay with that,"

Mark's eyes wander to Ethan who looks hopeful. Originally, Mark didn't want to come. He wasn't supposed to come, but Ethan begged him to come along. Truth be told, although Mark had custody of Ethan and was living with his mum and dad, he wanted nothing more but to be with you…the girl he committed himself to. However, those dreams of being together with you were crushed and it's been hard for him to live like he did before. He's been together with you for so many years and has supported you for so many years, so now to see you standing side by side with someone else…it's almost unbearable. It hurts.

But looking to Ethan, who for some reason stopped getting visits from his mother has Mark feeling guilty about his actions. So, he agrees instantly causing Ethan's smile to blind him. "Really? Thanks dad."

"Yeah yeah, whatever. See you at home," Mark smiles stiffly as he puts his hand through Ethan's shoulder and gives him a small squeeze before turning around to leave. You're left surprised by Mark's sudden departure…he didn't even look at you, he didn't even say a word to you.

Jaemin who witnesses how Mark just left abruptly wraps his arm around your shoulder and rubs on it.

"Don't mind dad, h-he's fine." Ethan lies, knowing that his dad was not taking seeing you with another man well. He lived together with his dad for a long time now in order to understand how his dad thinks and functions.

Despite Ethan's words, you're no fool to how Mark feels. He looked sad, disappointed…and betrayed. "Are you sure?" you look at Ethan with concern and sadness.

Ethan nods slowly, and even if his eyes are not on you, you know he's lying when he opens up his mouth. "Yeah. He's fine."

"Well let's go celebrate," You try to brush the dismayed look of Mark from your head and focus on Ethan who looks more than happy to spend time with you. Seeing Ethan's delighted face, makes your heart feel at ease. You smile brightly at Ethan and grab his hand to lead him towards the food table. "We're gonna catch up on everything,"

5 years later...

16 year old Ethan is feeling mischievous when embarrassing his dad, Mark in front of his date. "You know he entered the bouncy castle on my tenth birthday just because he wanted to. Not because he was looking out for me. Like can you just imagine I'm jumping with my friends and then he comes in and starts jumping higher then us all. He's laughing and having a good time, and I was only 10 years old,"

"Oh my god," Mark palms his face softly hiding his embarrassment through a soft chuckle when his date, Yumi, laughs.

"You don't say," She looks to Ethan for more details. Ethan gives a dramatic look as if he's got more up his selves.

"Did I tell you about the day we went to the beach and he kept nagging and nagging and nagging at me put sunscreen, but then he forgot to put on himself?" Ethan breaks out into another laugh and beats his dad's back. "He looked like a walking crispy fry, and he was burning."

She can't suppress her laugh enough when Ethan jokes about how his dad gets red.

"Oh my god, you know what this guy likes doing?" Ethan enquires again, looking ready to spill the beans. "So most of the time, because he's a guy-"

"Ethan-" Mark speaks in a warning tone, but it's his smile that exposes him just as much as his red face.

"Okay, okay that would've ruined him. Let me think of something light," Ethan laughs before turning back to Yumi. "So I'm actually here as part of tax services and I can't run my mouth too much, otherwise he might take his cut of dad tax from my allowance."

"Ethan, you're quite the chatter box," Yumi laughs.

Ethan gleams brightly when looking at Yumi. "Well I have to be a chatter box, my dad has no game and so I have to advocate for him. He cant speak for himself he's tongue tied for a living-"

Mark gets Ethan in a headlock before shoving him forward. "That's enough of you,"

Ethan has an evil laugh when taking the lead navigating his way through the mall, leaving Yumi and Mark behind him. To Ethan's delight, he was invited to tag along as a 'third wheel' on his dad's dinner dat. When meeting the lady who has been making his dad smile like a little girl, Ethan felt almost responsible for his dad and wore his big boy pants. Although he was supposed to be a third wheel, he knew that his dad stood no chance when the first moment they picked Yumi up- he was a stuttering mess. That only made Ethan laugh and take the lead.

Even his dad's ideal choice of a dinner date was at some restaurant at a mall. Ethan wasn't complaining, but he felt bad for his dad and how he had no game. It's by chance he managed to get a lady like Yumi.

Dressed elegantly in a white mid thigh dress, while Mark wore his matching black jean jacket and black pants with a white shirt. At home, Ethan was the one who pulled his dad in making a bold statement by dressing up like an elite 'playboy'. Mark doesn't know why he went along with it, but as long as they both thought he looked good, then he looked good. But they pulled up to Yumi's house seeing her dress to elegant and modestly, they were both flattered.

Mark was more flattered as he was tongue tied. But already when Ethan saw Yumi, he knew that perhaps...his dad had game.

"Your son has a high amount of charm for his age," Yumi takes Ethan's spot next to Mark as she lightly pushes on his arm. "So you like bouncy castles,"

"I... It was bouncy okay, and he didn't wanna get off it. So, I had to do what I needed to do. Embarrass him enough to get off," Mark retorts with an embarrassed chuckle instead of defending himself.

Ethan turns his head back. "He jumped on that castle alone- can I emphasis on how we left him there in that jumping castle alone for 30 full minutes. You know who had to get him out? His mother. My grand mother had to come out and tell him to stop jumping and that he's a grown man. Some grown man that is,"

"Ethan," Mark gives his son a flustered shyly lit face. To think his own son turned his back on him. Yumi smiles and shakes her head.

"I can't judge you if it's true. Normally, it's the other way around, the father embarrasses the son," Yumi turns to Mark admiring his features.

"Well, he shouldn't be here because it's past his bed time. I'll cut it from his dad tax." Mark states, but licks his lips and shyly turns to her. "I was actually looking forward to this dinner and getting to know you better. I mean, I know we have our music sessions to get to know each other, but..." Mark gets tongue tied for a second before he shrugs his shoulders and shaking his head with a tender smile. "Once again, you look beautiful. You put in more effort then me. This should just show you how bad Ethan and I's fashion sense is. We could use a feminine touch," Mark jokes lightly.

Ethan turns his head back with a confused face. "Dad that was not..." He turns his head forward and continues walking.

This is only the seventh time they're meeting up, but she loves how caring he is towards his son and even her. "I like how you treat him like a friend, you're a good dad,"

Mark huffs out with a little smile. "It's tough being a good dad when he's so full of himself, truth be told he enjoys bullying me." Mark chuckles lightly when hearing Yumi chuckle. "I'm just happy that he's a good kid, he does as his told, he's responsible for his age, he listens even though he's a headache, he's intellectual but so sneaky, he means the world to me. So if I treat him like a friend it's 'cause I've only got him to look after."

"You've only got him, what about me?"

Mark's eyes widen before turning to Yumi. "And you of course, I mean, not in a creepy way, but I respect your presence here and I wouldn't- I mean, thank you for wanting to go out with me and Ethan again."

Yumi chuckles her eyes shining when looking at him. "I wanted to see him. I can't be going out with his dad if I don't meet him,"

"I wish you didn't ask me to bring him, he's out here spilling all my secrets it's hard to keep the perfect image in front of you now,"

Yumi's face feels like it might crack from all the smiling. "Being perfect means you're a robot. Your embarrassing side let's me know you're a perfectly imperfect human being, with whom I can possibly share my embarrassing stories with too one day in the future,"

That makes Mark smile genuine at her slight confirmation that she wants to possibly spend time with her in the future. Mark clears his throat to stop himself from staring at her face. "Uh, I was thinking we could do some night shopping before we go eat. Is that cool?"

"Yeah,"

"Can I... If you don't mind though, I mean, you can reject it if you want, but I thought since like we're on like our third date- I mean I don't know if you wanna call it-"

Ethan quietly walks back and joins his dad's nervous hand with Yumi. "I think that's what he was asking," Ethan in pure shock makes his way back to the front muttering how hopeless his dad is, while Yumi can't stop smiling at how cute Mark was. His hand holds tightly into hers and she likes the feeling of comfort from him.

For the hours that pass, Mark playfully jokes how much Yumi and Ethan are actually similar especially when it comes to shopping.

"It would be shopping if we actually bought anything," Yumi states with amusement when both her and Ethan enter into the next store.

"Well it's your fault you asked if we could night shop," Ethan smirks when responding to his dad. "It's my chance to actually get something. You know Madam Yumi, when I go shopping with dad he just picks the first set of clothes he sees and walks out. I never get a chance to- hey look at this. Madam Yumi, does this look cool?"

Yumi takes a look at the hoody that Ethan presents and tilts her head to the side when thinking. "I hate to say it Ethan, but your dad is right, you both need a feminine touch. You'll look like a robber with this on," She perks her head back seeing another bright hoodie. "I see you like your clothes being baggy and so on. This hoodie would look good on you, the color is perfect for you. Most people pair peach wrong, but it'll look good on you, you've got a brightly toned face so you need complementary colors to go along with it. And since you're still young, if you go with colors like these, it'll bring out your eyes more. They're big and bright and full of wonder. I know you wanna be rizz and all but wearing clothes that express your personality instead of leaving your mysterious will attract the right kind of people your way,"

Ethan's heart flatters when Yumi aligns the hoodie to his skin and makes him look into the mirror while she explains to him how color and how his style needs to match his personality. "Dad..." Ethan turns to his father and dramatically hugs him- it feels almost real since he's feeling tears on his eyes. "You did a good job," Ethan mutters and turns back to Yumi. "I love it, tell me more about colors and my personality,"

Mark shakes his head but still smiles when following along with the both of them. Yumi offers to buy the set of clothes she picked out for him, and for the first time Ethan looks flattered through Yumi's wide spread knowledge on color. She's got taste.

After one last shopping spree, Yumi excuses herself to the bathroom leaving Ethan to fangirl how great she is. "Dad. Dad, why didn't you tell me she was perfect? I like her so much. Wow, she's so cool and chilled and down to earth and relaxed, I mean she looks expensive but kind, but I do think she has a good heart. Like she not only looks good, she smells so good, she's intelligent and feminine, she reminds me of this...mum?"

Mark turns his head to Ethan who mentions 'mum'. It's been a while since either of them have spoken about you, so to hear it come out so randomly has Mark looking to his son. Only for him to notice his son's eyes widen and staring ahead.

Mark turns his head too, just in time to hear your fluttering laugh that bounces off his ears like a familiar kind of song. You're laughing as Jaemin back hugs you trying to plant a kiss on your cheek. Your face is radiantly bright as you turn to Jaemin and look at him with such love...that Mark has never seen you look at him with. He's tongue feels heavy, just your eyes meet his for a mere second.

You do a double take seeing Mark and Ethan frozen in shock while looking at you. Ethan's face lights up calmly at first, leaving Mark standing still in shock with a face so closed off from any emotions.

Jaemin takes note of your sudden change in demeanor and notes why you're walking towards the two male figures having a smile on your face. "Hey guys,"

Ethan is a bit taken aback when your arms reach out and open for him but he immediately responds in returning your hug. He feels awkward but he doubts you feel that way, because you try to be as welcoming as possible. After your graduation, it took two more visits before you stopped coming all together. He thought he'd be upset that you stopped coming, but he wasn't that affected especially since his dad, and his dad's parents filled the parental role very well.

You break from the hug and try to keep a smile on your face when looking at Mark. "Hey Mark," Your tone lowers a bit, and so does your smile. The last time you saw him, he barely looked at you. Wondering if he's still in the same stage of ignoring you, you're eyes widen when his lips form a decent smile. It doesn't reach his eyes, but for you...it's everything.

"Hi Y/n," He greets and then looks to Jaemin. "Hey,"

"H-hey," Jaemin greets- feeling the palpable tension forming around.

How could you go from such lovers to strangers who awkwardly say hi and hey as if they've never been together. Trying not to let the awkwardness consume you, you clear your throat. "Ethan you look so big now, wow." You pat his shoulder and look at his bag. "Were you guys shopping?"

"Yeah," Ethan gulps and nod his head, sensing his father caving in and not speaking. "Actually, I just tagged along." Ethan blurts out of nervousness.

"Tagged along to help your dad shop?" You smile. "You've become such a responsible young man."

"Well responsible as in being the man of the house," Ethan finds himself saying in a joking manner but stops when you don't get his humor. "Never mind, uh dad's got a date, so his date wanted to spoil me a bit. So yeah,

"Oh," Your ears perk and you turn to look at Mark excitedly. You're somehow excited to hear he's dating again, one of your other biggest fears was how much of his time you wasted...for 9 good years you guys were together... you feared that Mark wouldn't be able to want to date again...especially since he gave his whole heart to you...and you broke it. "Where's your date?"

"I guess it's time to step in," Mark's head turns to Yumi who makes her presence known and politely stands close to Mark and bows her head. "Hi I'm Yumi,"

She's got such a beautiful smile, and seeing how her presence has Mark breathing in and looking to her like he's revealed makes you...happy? You break out a smile and put your hand out. "I'm Y/n, this is uh, my boyfriend Jaemin."

Hearing your name as well as the name Jaemin, Yumi recalls how Mark once spoke to her about the mother of his son being intimate with someone who was his sister's fiancé. Yumi also recalls seeing the scandal online years ago. She tries not to show through the features how shocked she is, but instead she holds a smile. Turning to Mark, her eyes go to Ethan who looks to Mark and to you quick- looking desparate and she understands that Mark was still tongue tied. "Well it's a pleasure meeting you both,"

"Likewise," Your smile can't help but look at Mark who looks lost again in his own thoughts.

"Please do excuse us, we were supposed to have dinner but we got caught up in shopping for Ethan,"

"It's no problem," You look to Jaemin with a smile. "Coincidence, we actually wanted to get something to eat too,"

"Oh fascinating, well enjoy your meal,"

Yumi puts her arm through Mark, just as Ethan pats his dad's back and nudges his head forward. Mark feels embarrassed for himself and rattled that Yumi and Ethan had to be the bigger people while he quietened down and kept his head down. "Mark,"

It takes everything for Mark not to break down when hearing you call his name. Already holding in so much emotions after seeing you, he realizes how much he still held you in his heart and how it hurts seeing you with Jaemin.

"Hey Mark, man, look," Jaemin this time steps forward when Mark turns around. "I never got the chance to say- look man, I know shit between us got weird, but I miss our friendship. I'm sorry for what I did to your sister...and for-"

"It's all good man." Mark swallows the lump and nods his head trying to speed it up, but Jaemin continues talking.

"No it's not good." Jaemin sighs sadly. "You're a good person, and you've shown me nothing but kindness. I'm-"

"I promise it's all good." Mark says again, this time looking at Jaemin. If you chose Jaemin and him, it's for reasons you know. But for Mark, Jaemin was once his sisters soon to be husband, it was hard respecting a man who broke his sisters heart- however now that he has your heart and hasn't allowed it to fall and had made you smile brighter and look at him with such love, makes Mark simmer down. It's not like Jaemin is a douchebag. "You're a good guy too, and...you both look good together. Enjoy your dinner,"

"If you don't mind," Jaemin steps forward again. "Can we join you guys? Like a double date, just to...to reconcile, new beginnings?"

Mark has to close his eyes to force them not to twitch in annoyance. He looks to Ethan and then to Yumi, who stare at him too. "I don't think that's-"

"I'm just tired of seeing you and being awkward, it's not healthy if we keep pretending to know each other, dude she's the mother of your-"

"God, give me strength," Mark cuts Jaemin off with a little prayer in his head. He brushes his face with his hand and runs it over his head looking at Yumi who steps closer to him. "If you don't want to, then..."

"Mark," She softly speaks sensing how much tension there is. Getting her hand on his back she nods her head. "I'm okay with it,"

Sitting in the restaurant on the five seater table, everyone is dining and eating on their meal quietly while listening to the background. From time to time, Y/n makes conversation with Ethan, and Ethan makes commentary here and there, while Jaemin gets to know Ethan a little more. And Mark can only listen while whispering to Yumi from time to time asking if this was oaky.

He felt slightly guilty for accepting the invitation, but now that he was here he had no choice but to try and relax. "Is the food good? This is actually my favorite restaurant. The food isn't world class but it's good. Aside from my mum's cooking, I respect this place because they make good eggs,"

"Mark, why do you have an obsession with eggs?" Yumi covers her mouth to chortle.

"Dad can't make eggs to save his life," Ethan inputs. "It's why we live with grandma, 'cause we'd starve to death if dad was in charge,"

Mark groans holding his neck just as Yumi cackles. "I know how to cook, I'm still practicing,"

"Of course you are, good for you because I'm a good cook. I could give you a hand in learning," Yumi nods her head taking another bite of her steak. "I was kinda starving. I hadn't eaten anything since I left home. So the food was worth the wait,"

"What? You didn't eat?" Mark has his eyes in bafflement. "Then we should've eaten first before we shopped, that's on me then. I'm sorry-"

"No, no, it's not your fault," Yumi smiles and shakes her head. "I didn't mind going shopping first. In fact I prefer it that way, shopping first and then eating, it'll give us time to rest later,"

"I actually had the same problem with Y/n, she wanted to walk around first before we ate," Jaemin friendly butts in. While Mark tried not rolling his eyes, he paid attention to how Yumi briefly converesed with him.

"Yeah, because I wanna go home afterwards. Imagine after eating then you go around shopping, no way I'll be too stuffed," Y/n joins in with a light tone.

"Exactly," Yumi nods her head agreeing.

"I was hoping we could go to the movies after this, dad?"

"You're a third wheel here, don't forget it," Mark doesn't even think twice when disregarding Ethan's request. This makes Ethan playfully pout as his eyes go to Yumi.

"Madam Yumi don't you wanna watch a movie with me?"

"Can we rain check on that? Perhaps the next time we meet again?"

Ethan nods his head. "We should make it a movie night,"

"Don't give in to him," Mark shakes his head. "This is how he always gets his way."

"Well Mark, I did say I wanted to see him and spend some time with him too," Yumi looks back to Ethan when Mark shakes his head silently chuckling.

"Ethan is a night owl. But you know what, you picked your poison, I guess I can't stop you,"

"Ethan, you're still a night owl?" Y/n gets in the conversation. But much to her disappointment Mark doesn't even pay attention as he turns to Yumi.

Whispering to Yumi, Mark leans in close to brush his lip against her ear to make sure she can hear. "You good?"

Feeling tingles down her spine she smiles and leans in to his ear too. "What about you?"

"I'm good,"

Whispering in his ear, she voices out her words. "Sorry for agreeing to the dinner. I just saw how broken you looked and wanted you to have some closure. It can help you move on."

Mark looks to her in appreciation. From the first day when he opened up to her that he never thought he could love again after what you did to him, he told her that he didn't want to lead her on. That he was open to dating, but he didn't want to waste her time. As time went by, he found himself looking forward to spending time with her, because it always felt therapeutic being with her. And even though he's sitting opposite from you, paying attention to Yumi made him feel much more better.

"I also have a confession," Yumi smiles lightly. "I feel it'd be fair if they pay for the bill since they wanted to join us,"

Seeing Mark laugh lowly and whispering to Yumi, you get vocal in finally directing your attention to him. "So Mark, and Yumi."

Hearing her name, Yumi turns to you while Mark clears his throat trying to hide his laugh. Yumi doesn't hide her smile though. Being with Mark made her happy. In curiosity she wonders how you feel seeing him again after some time. You looked happy with Jaemin, and it's kind of painful to her that you left Mark alone with a broken heart. "Yes," She answers.

"You guys seem quite close, whispering in each other's ears and all that," Y/n speaks with a little smile. "How did you guys meet if you don't mind me asking,"

After a brief pause in silence, Yumi turns to Mark seeing his eyes on her. It seems like he doesn't feel comfortable talking to her just yet. "It's actually an odd story,"

Y/n is disheartened also noting how Mark doesn't want to acknowledge her. "How odd,"

"I bet it involves Dad's guitar," Ethan speaks up. He was also curious how his dad bagged such a beautiful lady.

"Guitar?" Y/n marvels at that and looks to Mark who's paying attention to Yumi. "You play the guitar?"

"He plays guitar very well," Yumi answers on Mark's behalf. "He's a musician,"

"Yeah, dad plays guitar," Ethan sparks up. "He writes too, I never knew dad could sing,"

"That's cool," Jaemin notes. "I know a guy who owns a studio, makes records and stuff. I can hook you up with him if you want,"

Mark takes breathes in and looks to Jaemin. "Nah it's alright. I just picked up on it recently, I mean I never played because I had no reason to, but Yumi sings too, so I wanted to play for her while she sang,"

"I'd like to hear you guys sing together," Ethan cheers on.

"So you guys didn't answer the question," Y/n speaks in. "How'd you guys meet?"

"Well, I gave up on love a long time ago, because my boyfriend had actually passed away. So, I had no desire at all to get back in the dating scene, because it was just too painful. I never thought I'd be going out again." Yumi smiles at Mark. "Mark and I met through our dads, it was a wedding reception. My dad described me as a lost cause and Mark's dad described him as a hopeless case, so they introduced us and I can say our interaction was off the bat. I sang at the wedding, it was supposed to be a solo acoustic with just my voice, but then..." Yumi smiles when remembering Mark picking up the guitar and playing alongside her. It was beautiful. "It became a duet acoustic performance, because he played the guitar, it wasn't even planned and we hadn't rehearsed but yet we were singing and playing together as if we'd always been together for a long time. That left a wonderful impression on me and I'm happy that he felt the same way, because we exchanged numbers and after that he'd call me from time to time."

"She bought me a guitar," Mark speaks up lightly. "It felt therapeutic. Writing and singing and... just letting go. It's like we were healing together,"

"The power of music," Yumi says looking at Mark with hopeful eyes, just as he nods his head gazing into her eyes. "Music can heal any broken heart, so yeah." Yumi looks back to Y/n. "We'd meet up occasionally as friends, before we decided dating wouldn't be so bad. I enjoy spending time with him, and yeah. This is my first time meeting Ethan too so, I'm glad that we've made it this far,"

You don't feel jealous when seeing Yumi and Mark together. You feel hurt that Mark doesn't want to acknowledge you. And even though Jaemin holds onto your thigh to sooth you, seeing Mark and Yumi look so pure makes your heart break.

Mark deserved better then you, and he got a better woman in Yumi. But you're fine with that. He deserves her anyway, she's perfect for him. She is the kind of person who will always be by his side. If she can make the best come out of him such as making him play an instrument to let loose, then she can possibly be the one for him. Just the way he's looking at her, and the way he talks only when she talks makes you miss him.

You miss how his eyes would light up when talking to you, you missed how he would pay attention to you and only you when you spoke. You missed him and it's hard to believe that after years he's moving on. You wanted him to move on, but seeing him actually move on did something to you.

Especially when he didn't even regard you. He looked at her with hope and with a piece of his heart that once belonged to you, yet now there was a new love in his life. A new woman. It hurt more than anything, it felt like you were losing him again��� But at the same time, you felt that this was the closure you needed. Seeing him…happy with Yumi and Ethan made a part of you feel relieved...sad, but happy. That was once you. You and your family. You with Mark and Ethan.

"That went well," Jaemin wraps his arms around you, holding you close against him as you bury your face into his chest.

"It did," You say and close your eyes.

Jaemin hums before letting out a small chuckle. "It felt more like we were third and fourth wheels listening to them bonding,"

"I'm happy that he's with someone who can make him smile." You say after some time when you and Jaemin begin walking. "It used to eat me up thinking that after me he'd never find love again. But he looked so happy tonight,"

"I apologize on his behalf for ignoring you,"

You smile tenderly. "It hurt at first, but hearing him talk with Yumi and Ethan and even you, gave me a peace of mind that he's slowly moving on," Your first love, was finally moving on and it was a bitter sweet feeling. "I'm kinda conflicted, but it's for the best. And now I have a peace of mind when raising our child," You place your hand on your belly just as Jaemin kisses your forehead and engulfs you in another hug.

"Let's stay for a bit, I don't feel like going home,"

Standing outside of Yumi's door with a sleeping Ethan in the car, Mark and Yumi decide to take a seat on one of the steps as they still had so much to say. Chatting never ran dry with them, and that's one of the things Mark liked about Yumi. Yumi sighs and looks to him with a clear smile. "Thanks for tonight, I strangely had fun. Meeting Y/n was unexpected, how did it make you feel?"

Mark hums and looks up to the stars. "At first it felt sickening, because it's like I realized that… I still loved her. And I hated myself for that. I really...hate that I love her. For loving her when she looked so happy with Jaemin. But during the dinner, while you were talking and laughing and bonding with Ethan… It brought a sense of closure knowing that she's moved on from me. And while you were talking, while you were talking about how we met, I thought to myself that, you actually brought me out of the dark tunnel I was in. I was a hopeless case like my dad said, but singing with you gave me…"

He clears his throat and takes a breath before speaking again.

"It gave me hope. I know, I sound stupid."

"No, you're not stupid to feel that way," Yumi expresses when she hears him down himself.

"Thanks," He says softly, looking back at Yumi's soft expression. "Maybe I'm not a hopeless case and you're not hopelessly lost. I know I can never take Jaehyun's place in your heart, but tonight made me realize how much we've both taken the risk to be together. Not only do we add value to each other, but we're both taking a chance again after our past relationships. And maybe I'm reaching far because it's only our seventh date but I enjoy spending time with you and tonight my heart just- I don't want to start something that'll end and-"

She places her hand over his jaw, effectively cutting him off with a small laugh and a gentle smile. She leans forward looking into his eyes asking for permission and Mark doesn't hesitate in pressing his lips against hers. She returns a soft kiss against his lips, a soft touch that leaves butterflies in his stomach and makes him dizzy all over again, but a good kind of dizziness this time. Mark's hand goes up her neck as he helps to tilt her head to deepen the kiss, and it feels right. His heart is full and he wants nothing more than to stay here until morning just kissing her.

Yumi pulls away before anything too crazy happens. "You're adorable when you're embarrassed." She teases gently, but a smile lingers on her lips. "And I'm sure Jaehyun would agree. Sitting across from them, with you by my side gave me this feeling, this peace, I hadn't felt since I met him." Her words trail off as she stares at his lips. "I wanna love again, Mark. I wanna love so badly, and I… I wanna give you my heart. I-"

This time Mark softly leans in and kisses her again, and he thinks he sees a tear fall down Yumi's cheek. Maybe he's imagining it though. They pull apart slowly, their foreheads pressed together and smiles adorably plastered on both of their faces, and he doesn't think it's possible to fall even more in love with Yumi.

Ethan in the car has a pleased smile on his face. Seeing his dad genuinely look happy with another person who isn't mum, makes him truly joyful for his dad.

Even though it was a bittersweet feeling, loving for the second time around...doesn't burn as much as he thought.

Taglist:

@entertainmentnabi @maleegayuh @moniescove @celestialjakesim @eternalwithluv @markleelately @iampunkrock08 @nctstoriestoread @nostalgichoee

[satuguro]

✧˖°. SCREAM M. LIST

𐙚 ── ETHAN LANDRY

SFW.

20/20 VISION

s. you have no gag reflex, ethan tells a sex joke, and ethan takes a leap of faith.

c. based off of see you again by tyler the creator ft. kali uchis, best friends to lovers, mutual pining. jealousy, emetophobia, fluff

NSFW.

PUT ON A SHOW!

s. ethan really needs to stop thinking about you during his private sessions.

c. porn star au, anal play, toys, voyeurism, sub! ethan, mommy kink, degradation/praise, dacryphilia, reader is mean, this is filthy i mean it, brief mention of porn star! chad

SPIT ON IT

s. ethan just really likes getting eaten out.

c. sub! ethan, dom! reader, anal play, analingus, mommy kink, degradation/praise, dacryphilia, begging, mild impact play

KEEP IT DOWN LOW

s. ethan needs to stop talking to chad and start paying attention to you.

c. mild degradation, spit, oral (m. receiving), exhibitionism, sub! ethan, mild mommy kink

A LEARNING EXPERIENCE

s. chad teaches you and ethan how to pleasure each other.

c. dom! chad, inexperienced! switch! reader, inexperienced! sub! ethan, mild daddy/mommy kink, oral, dacryphilia, choking, degradation/praise, cum swapping (?), spit, mxm

MORE FUN WITH THREE!

s. nsfw/sfw head canons about dating ethan and chad.

c. (sfw) domesticity, slight angst, comfort, overall fluff; (nsfw) daddy/mommy kink, degradation, praise

SERIES.

TO FAULT A NET

you live a different life under a mask. known as the infamous black cat, you live a peaceful life of burglary and theft at night, and an equally peaceful life in blackmore university. but when a red and blue hero tries to stop you on another one of your heists, you find yourself making a deal with him to get him off your back; find and apprehend the ghostface killer, and you never have to see spider-man again.

c. spider-man! ethan landry, black cat! reader, enemies to lovers, slowburn, antihero&vigilante reader, familial issues, gore, blood, murder, death, sexual/suggestive content

act i ── [ keep your friends close ]

act ii ── [ a question of morality ]

act iii ── [ curiosity and the cat ]

act iv ── [ reap what you sow ]

act v ── [ he is what he hides ]

epilogue ── [ ... and keep your enemies closer ]

↳ RELATED WORKS

INTERLUDE I: SOMETHING ABOUT YOU

s. while being at a party to protect your friends, you meet an unexpected visitor.

c. fluff, pining

WITHIN THE ALLEYS

s. nsfw hcs for spider-man! ethan landry and black cat! reader

c. degradation/praise, angry sex, masked sex, exhibitionism, switch! reader, switch! ethan, dumbification

BLUE MONDAY [ HIATUS ]

richie landry has gotten away with everything. his brother, ethan knows this first hand after suspecting him of a murder that occurred in their hometown years ago. stumbling across a dead body in his brother's room with you only makes ethan even more confident in his goal; kill his brother, stop the murders.

act i ── [ a helping hand ]

act ii ── [ unwillingly bound ]

act iii ── [ knowing, wanting ]

𐙚 ── CHAD MEEKS-MARTIN

NSFW.

A LEARNING EXPERIENCE

s. chad teaches you and ethan how to pleasure each other.

c. dom! chad, inexperienced! switch! reader, inexperienced! sub! ethan, mild daddy/mommy kink, oral, dacryphilia, choking, degradation/praise, cum swapping, spit, mxm

MORE FUN WITH THREE!

s. nsfw/sfw head canons about dating ethan and chad.

c. (sfw) domesticity, slight angst, comfort, overall fluff; (nsfw) daddy/mommy kink, degradation, praise

© ALL RIGHTS BELONG TO SATUGURO. do not steal, repost, plagiarize, translate, or use my work for anything.

[davidstarlight24]

DAYS 21,22&23 OF DOETOBER

Hey guys back with doetober, I mixed Days 21&22 together, ft Ethan from spooky month. I actually had a crush on him before doe lol

I have a big 3 page comic for Days 24&25 since I'm also gonna mix them together, be warned it will be angst of my sona and doe. least hopefully i can capture the angst in the drawings

Anyways I'll post that on the 25th, since now my hand needs a break, I'll draw it tomorrow bye for now

[elisysd]

8. I climbed the tree to see the world when the gusts came around to blow me down

Summary : Kyle Dawson would never be more than a childhood crush to Romy Schumacher and she had made her peace with that fact a long time ago. But when a drunken night leads her waking up next to him, new and old feelings come back to the surface and what started as a mistake quickly becomes an habit. Even if she swore to herself that she would never fall again for the world champion, her heart has other plans. After all, the heart has its reasons, of which reason knows nothing.

Masterlist - Previously - Next

Chapter soundtrack: To Build A Home - The Cinematic Orchestra ft Patrick Watson

White walls. White medical coats running around. White and cold floor. A bright sun outside. It was definitely not where he expected to spend his break between two races. But he promised Romy to go and visit a specialist and here he was, waiting for his turn in a medical center. When the nurse finally called him, he felt anxiety rushing through him but swallowed it down and followed her to the doctor’s office. He shook the man’s hand and sat down, looking around him and feeling like a kid lost in a crowd.

“What can I do for you, Mister Dawson?”

“I… well… I would need a little eyesight test. My vision gets blurry from time to time. It’s probably nothing, just the stress and the exhaustion but… I’m a racing driver, I need to be at two hundred percent every weekend and I just wanna make sure I’m okay.”

 “Headaches?”

“Yeah sometimes. They don’t last long.”

“Black dots? Feeling like your peripheral vision lowers?”

“I don’t think so… It’s always very short, I don’t have time to analyze what is happening to me most of the time.”

“Okay. We are going to run some tests.”

He did exactly what the doctor told him to do, seriously and without complaining once. It lasted a few more minutes before he was sent back to the waiting room before the results. He didn’t know how to feel or what it was going to be, he just hoped it was nothing bad. If he had to wear glasses he didn’t mind it as long as he could wear contacts. His mind was running full speed and he felt his throat dryer than usual. To occupy himself, he took his phone out and scrolled down through his text messages. Not a lot of people knew about his appointment. Only Ethan, Ludwig and Romy. His best friends only knew the basics. He was doing some check ups to make sure everything was alright. He had not really told them about what was going on. Romy, on the other hand, knew a bit more, she had been there when he made the call to schedule an appointment. Maybe she would like to know how it was going. And he could use talking to someone. Ethan had too much on his plate to be bothered and Ludwig was probably still asleep. Never would he be up in the middle of the morning if he had the choice. Romy was home to Switzerland, resting with her family. He wasn’t sure he wanted to bother her. He didn’t want to be a burden to her as well. They were close, something had shifted since she had confided in him about her past and since she had seen him this down.

I’m at the doctor. I’m scared as hell.

He deleted it. Rewrote it a second time.

I’m at the doctor. Wish you could be there.

Too much.

I’m at the doctor.

Too forward.

Hey.

Stupid thing to send.

He sighed and locked his phone. He didn’t know what to say without being awkward. And making a fool of himself was not on his to do list today. When finally the nurse came back and told him his results were ready, he felt another rush of anxiety going through him. He walked the same path as he had walked earlier and sat on the same plastic chair as previously.

“So mister Dawson… your results came back,” the doctor started.

“They are good, right?”

“That’s the thing. We are not sure. We need to run complementary tests before giving you any diagnosis.”

“What are you thinking about?” Kyle asked carefully.

“We don’t know right now. That’s why I wrote this letter to give to the hospital. You can see my secretary at the reception so she can book the appointment.”

Coming out of there, he felt like he was floating and not in a good way. He was walking automatically, like in a second world. He thought it would only be a routine appointment, that it would be over in no time and instead of that, he had to go to the hospital to run more tests. It couldn’t be a good sign.

He came back to his apartment and never the silence had bothered him this much. Usually, it was his safe place, but not today. It was too big, too bright, too empty, too silent. Too much and not enough at the same time. All the anxiety came rushing through him as he finally broke down. He was not one to cry. Not that he was ashamed or he thought that men shouldn’t cry, far from it. Over the years he had just learned to compartmentalize his emotions so he would never be overwhelmed, but today, it was all too much for him. So he called the only person that could find the words to make him feel better and who deserved to know the truth.

“Kyle? It’s unusual for you to call when you’re on a break. Missing the training?”

“I don’t feel good, Ledger. I need someone to talk to.”

Hearing how serious he sounded, his physiotherapist knew it was not going to be an easy conversation.

“You know you can tell me everything.”

And he did. He explained everything up until his medical appointment and the complementary tests that had to be run.

“I’m scared, Ledger. For the very first time in my career, I’m fucking scared. What if they find something and it handicaps my racing? What if they tell me I can’t race anymore?”

“You’re getting ahead of yourself, Kyle. Maybe it’s just to be cautious and a preventive measure. Maybe it doesn’t mean anything. Are you alone?”

“Yeah.”

“Try to relax. Do some breathing exercises. Call your friends. Just don’t focus on that. When are you going to the hospital?”

“Tomorrow.”

“Don’t overthink it. Please.”

Kyle gulped and thanked Ledger. He was already feeling a little better.

It was dark outside. The only source of light coming from the stars high in the sky. Lying alone in her bed, Romy thought about the last few weeks and how much of a rollercoaster of emotions they had been. So many things had happened in the span of a few weeks that her mind was having a hard time processing everything. The biggest thing being, Julia and Ethan. She had not seen it coming. It was so sudden and unexpected that she even had her doubts about the genuineness of their relationship. She thought about her first podium of the season, how it had been even better with Kyle right next to her. Truly, the season was starting well. Audi was competitive and she was sure that with the nice upgrades and strategies she could earn her very first win. She was proud of the work accomplished during the winter. And she was also proud of Samuel, her teammate. He was doing a great job on and off the tracks, providing valuable feedback to the team but still, she wasn’t sure he was fitting totally in the team spirit. But it was only the beginning of the season, he had time to find his own place inside the team.

Her mind drifted to Kyle and the weird arrangement they had fallen into. Even if she wasn’t always leaving before the sun would rise, she was still doing it when she was feeling too much. Sometimes, looking at him when he was asleep made her heart want to jump out of her chest. She was overwhelmed with so many emotions that she felt like fleeing was sometimes her only option. But she was trying to not always do it. She enjoyed waking up next to him. More than what she wanted to. She enjoyed feeling his arm on her bare stomach and his breath down her neck. She was feeling safe there. And even if she was trying her best to not feel it, her teenage crush on him was coming back. And when the feeling was too intense, it was easier for her to act like a bitch even if she could see that it pained him. She could read it in his eyes.

But she was also remembering the pain she felt when he moved on with his life, when she saw him with his girlfriend and how she had felt her heart drop and shatter inside her chest. Despite knowing that it could happen, she had naively thought, at the time, that it wouldn’t change anything.  After all, they had grown up racing against each other, he had always acted like a protective brother with her and she thought it would never change. She had thought that he would remain the only constant of her life, the only person who would never push her aside. Especially after what she had been through, she had believed that he would be the only reliable and trusted person in her inner circle. The feeling of being a burden,  the rejection she had felt, never could she have been prepared for that. It had crushed her. Absolutely destroyed her inside. She was disposable, unimportant and now that they were close again, she was scared it would happen again. A part of her was already ready for the moment he would tell her he met someone. A gorgeous and smart and ambitious woman. Someone perfect. Someone like him. Someone she was not and never would be. He would leave her again. It was like this. She didn’t want to grow attached and yet here she was, already crying for a boy who had not broken her heart yet.

The next few days, she tried to keep her mind busy from Kyle. He had not texted her, and she had done the same. Her routine was helping her. She was proud to say that she was a pro at avoiding thinking about things that could hurt her and right now, thinking about her feelings for Kyle was hurtful. He was one of the rare people, if only the only one she had let herself be vulnerable around. She was only allowing herself to be around her family and on very rare occasions, Julia. But no one besides her family knew about the threats she had received and yet, telling Kyle was easy, natural. She had not meant to break down in his arms and a part of her was feeling guilty to have let him witness that but it had felt good. He had not questioned her, had not said anything, he simply had been there. It meant a lot. More than what she was willing to let herself want. She didn’t want to see signs where there might not be. She didn’t want to fall.

He received the call from his doctor a week before he had to leave for Singapore. He had spent his days working out and preparing on his simulator to avoid thinking about his medical exams. He had not called anyone, not even his parents or friends, always saying that he was busy which had earned him a few jokes from Ludwig and Ethan. He didn’t even tell Romy about his appointments. Didn’t even speak to her or text her, scared she would see right through him. 

And coming back between those white walls, seeing the serious look on his doctor’s face, he suddenly regretted having kept everything to himself. He expected the worst. 

“Tell me doctor, rip the bandaid off.”

“There is no easy way to say it. You have a rare version of age-related macular degeneration or AMD. It’s not supposed to affect people as young as you but it can happen. I will be honest with you, Kyle, the chances of it going to get better are slim, if not non-existent. It will only get worse. There is a new expensive and experimental treatment based on injections that we can try. It won’t heal it, it will only delay the symptoms.”

“No. I don’t want to risk it. So, I’ll lose my sight, that’s what you’re saying, right?”

“It’s a risk. Some people end up blind, not everyone though. It’s a complicated illness that we will need to monitor closely.”

“And about my career? What does it mean?”

“You won’t lose your sight tomorrow, as I said, it’s degenerative. It will happen progressively so, for now, I think that it’s still safe. As long as you have regular tests. I’ll advise you to rest your eyes as much as you can, I'm going to prescribe glasses and sunglasses. It will help ease the symptoms. I’m sorry, I wish I had something better and more hopeful to announce to you.” 

Kyle nodded, not knowing what more he could say. It was a mess. A cruel joke. Why? Why him? He had always been careful with his health. Racing was all his life, all that mattered. And to think that it could stop? That it would stop, sooner than what he expected and because he didn’t have the choice? It was like an uppercut in the guts. His whole world was tumbling down, crashing and shattering around him, and he was alone. Completely alone.

Author's note: Those of you who already read Gold Rush knew that it was going to happen. And no matter what, it is still very painful to write. My poor baby Kyle doesn't deserve that. 🥺

Don't hesitate to leave a comment or an ask, as well as reblogging and leaving a like. Besides the fact that I absolutely love to read you, it helps a lot for the story to find its audience. I also have a taglist for this story, so if you want to be added so you never miss a chapter, let me know.

Taglist: @smoooothoperator-admin

[justcrafting]

hand study of my guys ft. Ethan having a crisis

[snwpcktz]

A GAME OF CRUELTY (pt. 1, teaser)

PAIRING: jay x fem!reader (ft. heeseung)

GENRE: hunger games au (pre second rebellion), neighbors to friends to lovers, angst

SYNOPSIS: after years of praying to not get picked for the reaping, the odds end up not being in y/n’s favor and she is chosen as district 7’s female tribute. she plans to simply sacrifice herself early, since it would be nearly impossible for her to beat all the other tributes and make it back safely to her now ex-boyfriend, ethan. but her perspective of the games change when her next door neighbor, jay, is chosen as the male tribute—and maybe her feelings towards him will change, too.

WARNINGS: mature themes (violence, death), major character death, descriptions of violence and injuries, love triangle, swearing, reader uses she/her pronouns, use of the binary genders to refer to the reaping tributes

WC: 1.4k (teaser)

NOTE: hello!! this fic is set in the year before katniss and peeta's events, so there's not a lot of information for me to base this off of. there might be inaccuracies, but i try my best to keep things true to the story!! i hope to release the full pt. 1 sometime this week or next week, but pt. 2 will probably take longer. if you'd like to be added to the taglist, please reply to this post and i will add you!! thank you and please enjoy this teaser :)

rows of teenagers stood in front of the hall of justice, surrounded by members of the capitol with cameras and film equipment. peacekeepers had already flooded the district, running identification checks and bordering the area for the reaping. y/n could still feel her finger throbbing from the prick she received mere minutes ago as she stood in line.

the large screens next to the stage had already began running, displaying the various members of district 7. y/n could spot a pixelated version of herself, clad in a modest white sundress and matching white ballet flats. she turned her head to the left, spotting ethan standing in his row in no time.

but he wasn't looking at her. he kept his head forward, a solemn gaze on his face. y/n turned her head back around, letting out a pained sigh. she knew that whatever emotions he was feeling at the moment could never be experienced by her, a girl who lived in an only child household in a moderately well off neighborhood. but she couldn't help but feel selfish, desperately wanting ethan to be spared from the cruel hands of the reaping.

so she prayed. she clasped her hands together and lowered her head. please, she thought. please don't pick ethan. please let the odds be in his favor, just this once.

the sounds of footsteps coming to a stop and doors opening caused y/n to raise her head, eyes now fixated on the marble building in the front. members of the district government and previous victors of district 7 entered the stage, followed by a woman with a bright smile on her face.

luxurious, velvety, emerald green clothing adorned her body along with a matching sun hat and dozens of gold jewelry. her heels clicked on the wooden stage as she made her way towards the podium, perfectly glossed lips framing her pearly smile.

"welcome! welcome, welcome," she announced, her cheery voice echoing throughout the area. "once again, i am your district escort, tiffany young! happy hunger games! and may the odds be ever in your favor."

tiffany cleared her throat before continuing, "now! before we begin, we have a very special film brought to you all the way from the capitol!"

she raised her glove-clothed arm towards the screen as a video began playing. "war. terrible war," president snow's voice boomed from the speakers.

y/n noticed several girls around her rolling their eyes. she couldn't blame them. it was boring having to watch the same video every single year, especially when it did barely any justification for the games.

she turned her head to look behind her at the crowd of parents. she spotted her mom, head down and whispering words, most likely prayers for her daughter. her father was next to her, a comforting arm wrapped around his wife as he stoically gazed at the screen.

it was just like every year. what was there to worry about?

y/n glanced at ethan. he had the same expression as her father, but she could see that he was chewing on the inside of his cheek. a soft sigh left her lips. there was one thing to worry about--ethan.

she decided to pray once more, lowering her head and squeezing her eyes shut.

please, pick anyone but ethan. i beg for you to spare him.

"this is how we remember our past," the voice of president snow stated. "this is how we safeguard our future."

"what a remarkable film!" tiffany gushed as the music began to quiet. "now, the time has come for us to select one courageous young man and woman for the honor of representing district 7 in the 73rd annual hunger games."

y/n felt her heartbeat quicken as she watched the escort's smile grow. "as usual, ladies first."

tiffany walked to the reaping bowl with poise, heels echoing in the silence that overwhelmed the district. she reached a gloved hand in, fishing for an entry slip. she gently selected one, returning to the podium elegantly.

tiffany took the liberty to clear her throat as she undid the delicate tape on the paper slip. she glanced at the crowd before announcing the name with a smile.

"y/n l/n."

the world stopped for a moment. y/n couldn't prevent the ringing in her ears as her lips parted in shock. the pounding in her chest increased to a ridiculous speed as the girls around her turned, isolating her from the crowd. her hands grew clammy as tiffany laid her eyes on her, the smile on her face appearing more sinister than before.

"come on up, dear!" the escort called, her voice sounding sickly sweet in y/n's ears.

y/n's feet moved slowly, dragging against the gravel on the ground as she passed by her fellow civilians. she didn't dare to look up from her pathway, shrinking at the feeling of thousands of eyes on her.

she could feel the peacekeepers behind her place their hands on her back, guiding her to the stage. her eyes were shaking, losing sight of each step she was taking.

she grasped onto the railing of the stairs, barely feeling the soles of her feet. she could see tiffany at the top of the stairs, reaching a hand out to her. "come, come!" she said to y/n, gesturing to her with her hand.

y/n gratefully took it, allowing the texture of her velvet gloves to bring her back to reality. tiffany placed her other hand on her shoulder, gently leading her to the left side of the podium.

"well, let's have a big hand for our first tribute, y/n l/n!" tiffany declared into the microphone.

the weak applause clouded y/n's head, contrasting the striking speed her heart was thumping at. she used the last of her strength and consciousness to lift her head, searching the crowd in front of her.

she could spot her mother's face, frozen with shock and panic. her father's mouth was open, completely bewildered and in disbelief. y/n moved her eyes to the crowd of teen boys, where she found ethan already staring straight at her, a fresh tear sliding down his cheek.

y/n swallowed thickly, not breaking the eye contact. here she was, standing on a stage that she never thought she would be standing on. her lips quivered as she gained the strength to mouth an "i love you", triggering a rush of tears to ethan's eyes.

she chose to cut the eye contact after that, unable to watch her ex-lover cry. she stared straight at the wooden floor, biting her bottom lip in an attempt to hold back the tears in her eyes.

"and now for the boys!" tiffany stated.

the escort walked to the reaping bowl on the opposite end of the stage, quickly plucking a slip from its depths and returning to the podium. she let out a small hum before unfolding the slip.

"jay park."

y/n raised her head to look at the crowd. the boys had distanced themselves from the said person, who looked just as surprised as y/n was when she was chosen.

y/n recognized him. he was her next door neighbor, a boy known for being respectful and hard-working. at just a year older than y/n, he was preparing to enter the workforce full-time, learning the ups and downs of his family's lumber business. he was known to be skilled with axes and saws, his muscular arms and broad chest proof of it all.

he wore a white dress shirt and black slacks, dark hair slicked with gel and neatly combed. the peacekeepers guided him to the stage, his dress shoes sounding every step he took up the wooden stairs. he stood on the other side of the podium, observing the crowd from his new perspective.

y/n turned to ethan, a part of her relieved that he wasn't picked. but he clearly did not feel the same, his eyes now red and cheeks stained with tears. he looked at y/n so hopelessly, it made her feel ashamed for feeling even a bit of relief.

"shake hands, you two!" tiffany's voice said, snapping y/n out of her trance.

she glanced at jay, whose eyes were already on her. they quickly joined hands, jay's large one wrapping around y/n's shaking one.

"happy hunger games!" tiffany announced, her smile brighter than before. "and may the odds be ever in your favor."

© snwpcktz

taglist: @kpopstanmeg

[sayitan]

3 - 5 things associated with your muse .

emotions / feelings :

centered

enthusiastic

curious

greetings :

calling someone's name out to get their attention

raising a hand, small wave

asking a question as way of greeting / acknowledgment

colors :

deep navy / denim / cobalt blues

vibrant dark, cool greens, emerald, viridian, forest

bright bioluminescent purples / pinks

warm, earthy browns

scents :

rain in the air

early morning dew

running streams, ponds, or rivers

sweet, flowery dyes

unearthed, wet dirt

clothing :

simple loincloths, harnesses and belts, crafted from plain brown hides or woven from flax leaves

ikran riders gear such as ionar ( visual visor ), leg and arm guards

complex chokers made up of several rows of beads and stones

objects :

his bow, it was crafted from salvaged wood of the omaticaya hometree and is his most precious possession

riverstones rubbed smooth by streams, carved or chiselled for accessories, skipping stones and windchimes

flax leaf woven materials, mats or beddings, blankets, sheets. intricately, hand woven, things that take days, weeks, months to craft

vices / bad habits :

internalising his own negative emotions

pushing himself beyond his own physical limitations

peacekeeping at the detriment of progress / development

body language :

tense and attentive, seems to always be aware of his own body and what's happening around him

direct and purposeful expressions of emotion / demand

intense eye contact, to the point where it's a little disconcerting

aesthetics :

hot summer nights in the forest, the sound of insects, wind through branches and leaves, the taste of a midnight hunt on the tongue

laughter around a campfire, the loud chatter of excitement, stories told under moonlight and in the shadow of a flame

the soft sound of a flute playing in the distance, the ethereal way it carries, a hum, a lull, hypnotic and luring

the warm embrace of a parent, the comfort and safety that it brings, the feeling of being a child again

the moment before a strike, the anticipation, the quiet calm, the steady heartbeat

songs ( in no particular order ) :

moemoeā by seth haapu ft. stan walker , there's a battle ahead, many battles are lost / but you'll never see the end of the road, while you're traveling with me

what about me by sunset bros ft. shannon noll , i've had enough, now i want my share / can't you see i wanna live, but you just take more than you give

natalie by milk & bone , i did it all for you, don't say i never tried / i wanna protect you, so that you never die / i never meant to hurt you, please never go away

beautiful boy by francis blume , close your eyes, have no fear / the monsters gone, he's on the run and your daddy's here / beautiful beautiful beautiful, beautiful boy

tagged by : @ensnchekov (ty! <3) tagging : @parulite, @ts1reya, @saanok, @teskaha, @denouemente ( ethan shepard ), @untales ( poe ), @skydraign, & you !

[ourblued]

@deadjavu , ft . ethan landry !

" DO YOU KNOW HOW FAR WE ARE FROM THE PLACE WE'RE SUPPOSED TO MEET AT ? " he glances over at the other , kept composure & all , hand on the railing as he's peering around the crowd of people , staying close to the other before he sighs , almost dramatically , it seems . impatient to truly stand still , too impatient to even think . " did they give us an eta ? do you know how long it's gonna be . . " asking the dumbest questions , especially ones he should know the answers to , in fact .

[sweetestgrethan]

You should make a grethan one shot based on the song Little bit by drake ft-Lykke Li you don’t have to of course just think it’s a fun idea !

Thank you for this ask and the suggestion! Hope you enjoy :] 🩵🩷

WC: 4246

———

Hands down

I’m too proud for love

But with eyes shut

It’s you I’m thinking of

———

It’s always hazy to start.

He didn’t used to dream about Ethan very often, only randomly, usually with him being a side character at best, never just about him.

Grayson’s vision is cloudy, barely helped by the few slow blinks he tries, the blurry image before him slowly getting clearer.

It feels like wading through clouds— fluffy, dense, suffocating— but he just has to focus.

Focus.

Grayson can smell freshly ground coffee beans, freshly baked bread, sweet cream, caramel sauce. He blinks one more time, and he’s sat at a booth, in a small cafe, bustling with people. He smiles to himself as he watches people walk up to the register. They’re speaking a language he doesn’t quite understand, their syllables sound slurred and vowels elongated, sounding strange to his ear.

Grayson feels warm, warmer than usual, on the verge of breaking a sweat, but not quite. His hand is resting on the side of his mug, and it feels even warmer. Grayson looks down at it and studies the intricate design made out of frothy milk. He’s not moving, but the rings of foam seem to swirl, slow and measured, creating ripples in his coffee.

“Grayson.”

He finally looks up, met with dark brown eyes and a square jaw, curly black hair that falls just above bushy brows.

“Ethan,” Grayson says in return, a look of disbelief on his face. Ethan looks lovely, healthy. His cheeks are rosy, his face free of stubble, supple, smooth skin. He’s glowing, radiating a warm, yellow light, angelic in the way it radiated.

“I got you a cappuccino,” Ethan chuckles and stares back. He looks fond, a happy, toothy grin revealing as much.

He’s so beautiful.

“My favorite,” Grayson chuckled, reaching down to grab his mug by the handle and taking a long sip from it. It feels good, perfectly warm, savory and frothy in all the right ways. When he pulled away from the mug, Ethan’s smile was even bigger. Grayson didn’t even process him leaning closer, over the table, before his twin was kissing him slowly. Grayson kissed back, probably a bit too eagerly considering they were out in public.

Ethan pulled away slowly and sat back down in his seat, licking his top lip. “You had a little foam,” he explained, his grin curling around the edges of his mouth, devious and affectionate all at once.

Grayson was still trying to decide whether this was a dream or not, licking his lips too, savoring the taste of Ethan. “You sure you got it all?” Grayson said softly, leaning in slightly, smiling, too.

As Ethan leaned in again, Grayson felt his world shift around him. Before their lips could meet, the scenery changed in seconds, suddenly standing with Ethan right in front of him.

The sun was shining bright above them, blinding. The air smelled just as sweet, less of espresso and more like peonies and roses. They glow, just like Ethan, hues of pink and white and purple. They’re back home, in their backyard. It’s the same, yet different. There are too many flowers, covering every inch of grass. Still the same, still lined with a white picket fence and an excess of trees. Grayson doesn’t have to look behind himself to know that there’s a towering oak a few yards away, long dead, still a behemoth that plagued his thoughts. Grayson’s eyes are still closed, and he can see the etching in the bark, a heart, E + G in the middle. It’s faded, wet, mossy.

“Do you mean it?” Grayson heard himself ask. His eyes opened and Ethan was still there, looking just as beautiful as he did in the coffee shop.

Ethan didn’t say anything at first, didn’t move when he felt Grayson’s fingers grip his biceps. He leaned in just a few inches from Grayson’s mouth, as if to kiss him. His eyes are lidded, nearly closed, but he doesn’t dare move closer. “I do. Always,” he murmured.

Grayson doesn’t move, either. He can feel Ethan’s breath, shallow and slow. “I love you too.” He met Ethan halfway and kissed him again to punctuate his sentence, indulgently letting his hands slide up to rest on Ethan’s broad shoulders, fingers kneading into the flesh, trailing up his neck until he had both sides of Ethan’s face cupped in his hands. Grayson is the first to pull away, quite reluctantly, face-splitting smile on his face.

“I’m making eggs. Any way you’d like,” Ethan said, and it made Grayson pull back further, confused. “Or I could try to make bacon again,” Ethan continued and looked mischievous then, knowing, like he knew Grayson wouldn’t like that.

Grayson could feel his body hum, his heartbeat suddenly loud in his ears, booming, making it impossible to hear anything else. His vision was blurry again, cloudy images of Ethan fading before him.

Grayson gasped as his eyes flew open, chest heaving with his breaths. He sat upright, looking wide-eyed and confused at Ethan, who was doubled over in his own fit of laughter by the door.

“Gray, that was seriously the funniest thing ever,” Ethan snorted, trying to wipe the tears that were streaming out of his eyes.

“What are you talking about?” Grayson said groggily, rubbing at his eyes to try and get some of the sleep out of them, stretching his arms over his head.

“You were in, like, the deepest sleep ever, and as soon as I mentioned cooking bacon you woke up,” Ethan chuckled and joined his twin on the bed, plopping himself down comfortably in the sleep-warmed sheets.

Grayson regarded him cautiously, trying not to think of the strange dream he’d just had, or the dull ache in his chest, something like longing. “Don’t you dare touch the bacon. I’m not in the mood to put out any fires today,” Grayson scolded softly and playfully pushed at Ethan’s arm. Grayson’s eyes caught Ethan’s, and he stared for a moment, remembering the fuzzy details from his dream, how close Ethan was to him, how it felt to kiss him. Grayson played it off with a smile, looking away before he could get too carried away. “Scrambled, please,” Grayson finally responded to Ethan’s initial offer, not moving to get out of bed.

“What was your dream about?” Ethan asked, instead of getting back up. “You were saying something but I couldn’t understand it,” he chuckled and turned onto his side, looking at Grayson expectantly.

Grayson hated that Ethan knew he’d been dreaming, trying desperately to come up with a good cover for the dream he’d had. He’d never tell Ethan about it, or about his feelings that manifested the vivid dreams. “We were just getting coffee,” he stated. It wasn’t a lie, they did get coffee, among other things.

“And?” Ethan pressed on. He knew his brother quite well, and he could already tell Grayson was omitting something. “Is that all we did?” He teased, wiggling his eyebrows at his younger twin.

Grayson had the decency to look offended, pinching Ethan’s arm to get him to ease up in the interrogation he was conducting. When Ethan flinched and yelped, Grayson laughed sweetly, shaking his head. “Yes, that’s all we did. Creep,” he tacked on playfully, even though he had been the one to dream of himself kissing his own brother, and liked it.

“I’m gonna over-salt your eggs,” Ethan said, matter-of-factly, scooting off the bed so he could do just that.

“Please don’t!” Grayson called after him, unable to hide the wide smile on his face as he watched Ethan leave, his heart still beating a mile a minute from the events of his dream.

———

Grayson breathed harshly against the soft pillows beneath him, fingers gripping them so hard that his knuckles were white, endless mewls and squeals spilling out of him.

He felt unbearably hot, like he’d burst into flames at any moment. His skin was sticky and damp with sweat, dripping down his temples.

It was a stifling warmth, radiating from deep within him, only rivaled by the searing touch of two hands on his waist, forcing him to move as they pleased.

The body behind him pounded into him mercilessly as he arched his back deeper, the sound of skin against skin loud in his ears.

“Ethan,” Grayson heard himself moan. “More,” he babbled. He could feel his cock slapping uselessly against his tummy, the movement giving him barely anything, barely any friction to really get him off. The feeling of a thick cock jabbing against his prostate was making up for it, making his brain feel like mush in his head, thoughts all about Ethan Ethan Ethan.

“Fuck, Grayson,” Ethan panted and pressed his fingers harder into the flesh of Grayson’s hips, slamming him back on his cock with every thrust. “You were made for this,” he purred, his pace slowing but not getting any less harsh. “Made for me.”

Grayson nodded along without thinking, wanting nothing more than to give himself completely to his brother. “Made for you,” he repeated back shakily and buried his face in the pillow below, unable to control the way Ethan was punching more moans out of him, higher-pitched than before, a desperate plea for Ethan to ruin him.

Ethan chuckled lowly behind Grayson, deciding to be a bit cruel and pulling out without warning. Before Grayson could protest, he flipped him onto his back, Ethan immediately crowding into his space, mouth hovering close to Grayson’s. “Say it again,” he instructed evenly.

Grayson whined as he was flipped around, head spinning with desire and desperation. “I’m made for you,” Grayson panted. It was almost embarrassing how much he meant it, how much of himself he’d be willing to give just to make Ethan happy. He would give everything, anything, if it meant Ethan was happy.

“Again,” Ethan continued as he lined himself up with Grayson’s fluttering entrance once more, slipping back into the tight clutch of him.

“I’m made for you,” Grayson said again, louder, only impeded by the feeling of Ethan’s cock sliding back into him to the hilt. He let out a strained moan, squirming helplessly underneath Ethan as he got used to the feeling all over again.

One of Ethan’s hands reached up to grip Grayson’s jaw, thumb and forefinger on either side of his face, forcing him to look straight at him as he began his brutal pace once more. “Can you feel how perfect I fit, Grayson?” Ethan egged on, lips barely an inch from Grayson’s as he spoke, sharing the same breaths, suffocating Grayson with all his love. “I can feel you squeezing around me, don’t wanna let me go, huh?” he said, tone turning saccharine, soft and sweet. Ethan’s hips rolled against him languidly with the little space he had put between them, only pulling out a couple inches at a time, grinding himself deeper and deeper.

Grayson was on the verge of losing himself completely in the intensity of Ethan’s words, shaking against his twin unashamedly, slack-jawed. He couldn’t even form a coherent response to what Ethan was saying, his cock jolting between them with the very beginnings of his orgasm.

Grayson only got to experience the pure euphoria of it for a few moments before his vision turned black, his eyes opening suddenly to no one above him, or beside him, staring into the darkness of his room.

Grayson’s breathing was ragged and choppy, his shirt sticking uncomfortably to his sweaty skin. His blanket was nowhere to be found, tossed onto the floor, his bed a mess of scattered pillows.

Grayson felt around for his phone to check the time.

4 AM.

Grayson dropped his phone and let out a pitiful sound, something like embarrassment and shame creeping up his neck, tinting his skin a burgundy red.

The plague of dreams about Ethan hadn’t let up, not even for one night. This had been the most intense one yet, the most realistic, the most memorable. Grayson could almost recall the way Ethan’s fingers pressed bruises into his skin and the satisfying fullness of being impaled on his cock, the way his words made his heart flutter and burst all at once.

Grayson was left with an ache much different than he was expecting, a sort of emptiness in the cavity of his chest, simultaneously filled with all his love and devoid of the love he truly wanted, needed. The ache between his legs was worse, a wet spot visible on the front of his sweatpants.

“Grayson?”

Grayson startled himself into sitting up, looking at his door to see Ethan standing there, so similar to how his twin had caught him during his first dream. His demeanor was different, though— shy, unsure.

“Ethan,” Grayson responded with a sigh, rubbing a hand over his sweaty face. “What’s wrong?”

“You were calling for me,” Ethan explained, deciding to take a step into the room and close the door behind him, assured by the sound of the doorknob clicking shut. Ethan regarded Grayson curiously, noting his sweaty appearance, the way his chest heaved slightly, hair stuck to his forehead. He briefly wondered if checking on him was a bad idea, just from the disheveled look of him.

Grayson reached down to the floor to grab his blanket, using it to hide the evidence of his dream that showed clearly in his sweats, trying to mask the embarrassment from his expression. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up,” Grayson murmured.

“Another dream about me?” Ethan chanced, smiling softly at his twin brother, who flushed ever so slightly at his words.

“Yeah,” Grayson admitted without a fight, knowing it would’ve been impossible to explain it away. He looked back at Ethan just as cautiously, taking note of Ethan’s grin, his sleepy eyes and the stubble that seemed to grow as quickly as it was shaved off. Flashes of his dream came without warning, the feeling of that same stubble rubbing against his face, his neck.

Ethan didn’t know how to respond to the simple truth, to the fact that he seemed to be quite pervasive in Grayson’s psyche lately. “Why have I been on your mind so much lately?” Ethan asked, genuinely curious, taking a few steps towards Grayson’s bed as he spoke, sitting beside him in the mess of pillows and blankets.

Grayson watched Ethan’s every move as he came closer, fists tightening in his duvet to keep himself covered, still certain his hard-on hadn’t gone down yet. “I.. I don’t know, Ethan,” he said, honest as he could be.

The question about how Grayson felt about his twin brother had been something he’d contemplated his whole life. It was complicated, in more ways than one, and it wasn’t something he could sit down and figure out in one sitting, even if he really wanted to. Ethan was everything to Grayson, his best friend and built-in companion, and Grayson had tried his best to keep it that way. It was impossible to stop the onslaught of prickly warmth that filled him when he thought about Ethan, or to put a stop to the dreams that seemed to fill his every sleeping moment. Grayson supposed it was easier to explore his feelings in his dreams; he could have Ethan however he wanted when he was dreaming, with no one to say no or pull them apart. In his dreams, Ethan was his, body and soul. It wasn’t hard to understand why Grayson leaned on these dreams so much, just so he could get a glimpse of what he truly wanted, a bittersweet taste of what could be.

Grayson’s silence prompted Ethan to do the same. Grayson wasn’t usually hard to read, but he could tell his brother had a very firm wall up. “I have dreams about you sometimes,” Ethan offered, reaching up to tenderly push Grayson’s hair out of his face, offering some relief to the warmth of his skin, even if brief. “The other night, you were my teacher. It was so weird. And you wouldn’t give me an extension on an assignment,” Ethan laughed, trying to lighten the mood a bit. It seemed to work, Ethan staring shamelessly at the way Grayson’s shoulders shook with his laughter.

Grayson held his breath when he felt Ethan’s hand in his hair, a small token of affection that was common between them. He felt himself finally relax when Ethan recounted one of his own dreams, fingers trying to keep busy by smoothing over the soft fabric of his duvet, picking at the seams. Still, he didn’t say a word, still too jarred by his dream, not knowing how to approach this conversation at all.

“I’ve had.. weird dreams. With you in them,” Ethan continued. “Weird, like..” Ethan hesitated, looking down at Grayson’s fingers momentarily, working up the courage to look at his face again. “I’ve kissed you before. Not to be graphic, but, we made out,” he chuckled, trying not to reveal how nervous he was. All he wanted to do was prove to Grayson that weird dreams happened. There was no need to be embarrassed. Ethan knew it was bound to happen with how close they were, that at some point, a wire would get crossed during a dream.

Grayson was surprised to hear the confession, blinking at Ethan with a look of shock on his face. Maybe he wasn’t so fucked up for having these dreams, then. Sure, making out wasn’t comparable to what he’d just dreamed, but it was a start, a line cast to try and make him feel better about it. The fact that the seed had been planted in Ethan’s brain as well was also reassuring, knowing that his twin had to have thought about it before he dreamt it for it to happen in his dreams, too.

“You kind of sucked at it, actual-“ Ethan tried to land another joke to see if it would suffice in making Grayson say something, quite anxious that he wasn’t saying anything in reaction to his admittance. He was cut off by Grayson lunging forward without warning, his lips crashing against his twin’s with enough force to knock Ethan onto his back, Ethan’s hands instinctively grabbing Grayson’s waist. The kiss only lasted a few moments before Grayson pulled away.

Grayson wasn’t sure what had come over him between now and just a few seconds ago, before he had permanently altered the trajectory of their relationship. Something clicked into place in his head, a sort of assurance that it was okay, that Ethan would understand the monstrous feelings that crowded themselves around Grayson’s heart, possibly even reciprocate them.

“Whoa,” Ethan said after Grayson parted from him, eyes wide and breaths shallow, his shock still settling in. Suddenly, he had his twin on top of him, straddling his hips, something he’d never thought would happen. “What was that?” He asked urgently, searching Grayson’s face for some sort of answer. Why in the world had Grayson just kissed him?

“You were fucking me,” Grayson responded softly, seemingly off-topic from Ethan’s question, lips parted as he stared at his twin’s mouth. “In my dream. You fucked me so good,” he sighed, nearly turning into a whine, feeling his body warm at the distant memory of Ethan’s cock shoved deep inside of him.

Ethan felt himself stiffen at Grayson’s candid admittance, as if they weren’t brothers, as if revealing something so damning wouldn’t change everything. Ethan wasn’t naive, it wasn’t like he hadn’t thought about Grayson in that way before, on his loneliest nights when he was the only one left to turn to. “Grayson,” he said meekly, attempting to steer this conversation back to some normalcy.

Grayson easily ignored Ethan, pulling away completely and settling back on Ethan’s hips. Ethan’s hands were still splayed over his waist, prompting Grayson to lay his hands over them, letting the heat from his palms transfer to Ethan’s. “You held me exactly like this,” Grayson hummed, indulgently trailing one of his hands up the length of Ethan’s torso and letting his fingers wrap around his neck, mimicking the grip Ethan had had on his face in his dream. “You held me down, just like this,” Grayson purred. He didn’t break eye contact once, didn’t stop staring at the fearful, curious look on Ethan’s face. “You were.. unbelievable. Unreal. Just-“ Grayson cut himself off with a sigh and let his gaze land on the ceiling above them, as if to ask for forgiveness, repenting for the confession he’d just made. He settled his hands on his own thighs, itching to touch more of his brother, but refraining. “I know I can’t have you like that. Not in real life. But it’s still good. Still feels real.” Grayson looked down at Ethan again. He didn’t have to look down at himself to know his dick was coming back to life, slowly fattening up in his pants, pressing urgently against Ethan’s tummy. He couldn’t even find it in himself to care that he was being so intense, so shameless as to get hard at the thought of his brother fucking him.

Ethan held his breath when he felt Grayson’s hands all over him, staring back up at him, clinging to every word he said. Ethan could feel it, too, Grayson’s excitement pressing against him, along with the palpable tension that swirled around him. Grayson saying such vulgar things and touching him like this was confusing and enticing, forcing him to consider what Grayson was saying. “Grayson,” Ethan said again, after swallowing the lump in his throat, mouth feeling dry. “I don’t understand,” he murmured. He wasn’t entirely sure what Grayson was getting at or if he was trying to get at anything. Maybe Grayson had finally gone insane and this was his last stand, his attempt at getting Ethan to understand his desires.

The corner of Grayson’s mouth quirked up into a smirk before he shrugged his shoulders. “Come on, E,” Grayson chuckled and scooted back until he was sitting on Ethan’s thighs, eyes grazing down his body until he landed on the front of Ethan’s plaid pajama pants. Grayson didn’t think he had to say anything else on the matter, especially when it was pretty clear what Ethan thought of this. Maybe it was unfair to put him in this position, to climb on top of him and talk about all the things they’d done in a dream. Ethan was hard. Grayson had felt it growing against his ass for the last few minutes, a physical reminder of what shouldn’t be, what couldn’t be.

Ethan flushed down to his toes, suddenly much too hot to handle any of this, Grayson still staring at his dick. He hadn’t meant to give himself away so easily. He was already hyper-aware of Grayson’s every move, every word, every predatory look along the length of his body. The thought of his brother acting like this should’ve been repulsive, but Ethan couldn’t explain the way he was feeling, the fiery licks of lust that burned his throat, threatening to put into words what he truly wanted. Ethan’s own gaze flickered down to join the tense stare-off, their cocks barely pressing together, chubbed up under their respective clothes.

“We shouldn’t,” Grayson spoke softly after a bit of silence, though his fingers said a completely different thing, gently pushing up Ethan’s shirt, fingertips gliding slowly up his skin. He could feel his own pulse increase as his hand pushed higher, trying to memorize every groove of Ethan’s abs, the slope of his pecs, the way his nipple pebbles under his touch.

“We shouldn’t,” Ethan repeated back, though he made no move to push Grayson off or tell him to stop touching. “You should go back to sleep, Grayson,” Ethan murmured, eyebrows furrowed as he spoke. Ethan wasn’t equipped to deny himself this, especially when he’d already seen such intimate parts of Grayson and the thoughts that filled his head. The hand under his shirt was making goosebumps rise on his skin in anticipation for more, more touches and kisses and blazing confessions.

Ethan’s words made Grayson stop in his tracks, pulling his hand away as if he had been burned. He knew this was the right thing to do. He shouldn’t have expected Ethan to bend to his will, not when it came to this. “I’m gonna dream about you again,” he sighed. He sounded tired as he said it, sleepy and all too aware of his nightly fate.

“That’s okay,” Ethan assured. He finally offered a small smile, a reassurance that Grayson didn’t realize he needed. They couldn’t, it was one step too far, despite how much they wanted to indulge their desires.

Grayson’s somber expression turned into a more pleasant one when Ethan gave him his blessing. He moved slowly as he climbed off of Ethan and laid beside him, an appropriate amount of space between them now. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” Grayson muttered, eyes closed already, breathing evenly to try and calm his heartbeat.

Ethan felt a whole slew of emotions as Grayson climbed off of him, some he wasn’t exactly expecting. He didn’t want to call it disappointment, but he felt something tug in his chest when Grayson agreed so easily to not continue. Ethan sat up and looked down at Grayson, wanting to say everything and nothing at all. The older twin stood without a word and made his way towards the door, not looking back as he left.

[artemiseamoon]

Immortal Seduction

A series of connected works

⏰ no posting schedule, they come when they come

📖 read on A03, previews on tumblr - upcoming!

A series of connected one shots and drabbles. No set posting schedule, they will come when they come. There is a main cast, and some of the characters will appear across works. Some background ones will remain unnamed. This was originally for frightfest.

📖: Once this starts, you can only read in full on A03 (you need an account), only previews will be added to tumblr.

About: This universe is focused around an escort service for high class vampires, called The Immortal Doves.* (more at the end)

Featuring: Various characters (oc’s, my fav characters, some vamps i like from other things, etc)

Warnings: Vampire stuff, adult themes, escort and sex work, etc. Each work will mention general warnings. Spice level will depend on my mood, sometimes i like to write it, sometimes I don’t.

Moodboards: part 1 , part 2, part 3

Oneshots & Drabbles

First Bite ft. Max Phillips - upcoming

Cast

Characters may appear across works. The list is by oneshot.

FIRST BITE

👩🏽Human | 🧛🏽‍♀️Vampire | 🧞Hybrid | ✨Fae | 🐺Werewolf

👩🏽 Ambrosia

🧛Max Phillips

👩🏻 Ravina (event manager, hostess)

🧛🏽‍♀️🧛🏽‍♂️Valentin Dupont, Adaris Chery (The current owners of Immortal Doves)

🧛🧛🏽‍♀️Kimora, The Count aka Dracul aka Vlad - (The owners of the mansion and head vampires)

👩🏾👩🏽👩🏻👨👨🏿👨🏽👨🏻 The Doves: Salomé , Robyn, Ambrosia, Daniella, Kaya, Leon, Rowan, Myesha, Antonio

🧛🏽‍♀️🧛🧛🏽‍♂️ Vampire guests in First Bite: Max Phillips, The Countess, Eric Northman , Kiaan✨, Angel Castillo, Santanico, Ethan Knight

Immortal Seduction (more about this)

“Mortal delights for the Immortal Soul”

Immortal Doves as founded by Venus de Luxe and Coco Sherry. Venus de Luxe was the vampire maker of Valentin Dupont, who is now the lead director and head of Immortal Doves, along with his wife, Adaris Chery.

The Dove’s are educated, trained and prepared for a vampire's needs. Included in this, they have curated meals, diets if requested by their vampire and wardrobes as well. The Doves work out of the Rose mansion (brothel) or can be booked for events and home visits.

MEMBERSHIP

Do you have a private or special event coming up? Would you like to spend a night or two with the human of your dreams? Or feast on the blood of a mortal catered to your exact tastes? Then we at the Immortal Doves have just what you need.

Our Doves are all carefully hand selected, educated and trained to make the best company for you. With membership, you have access to browse our selection of 40 delicious humans; women, men, non-binary, whatever your heart desires.

Once you make your choice, your human will be instructed on how to prepare for your meeting. If you have special dietary or sanitary requests, please do make them at the time of your booking so your human can be properly prepared for your pleasure.

To access our services, become a member today!

PLATINUM

All access! Included in your membership:

Immortal Dove Booking fees, special perks, full VIP access, a private party three times a year, and more. $$$$$$

DELUXE

Included in your membership:

Up to 60% off Immortal Dove Booking fees, special perks, some VIP access, a private party twice a year and more. $$$$$

GOLD

Included in your membership:

Up to 40% off Immortal Dove Booking fees, special perks, limited VIP access, one private party a year. $$$$

BRONZE

Included in your membership:

Up to 20% off Immortal Dove Booking fees, some special perks. $$$

More about us:

At Immortal Dove, we have three tiers to delight your senses and fulfill all of your desires.

Tier 1 - The Courtesans

This is the whole package. Book a Courtesan for a night of full pleasure (sex and nourishment included), or take them along for that long work trip of yours to feed your desires after a long day at the office.

Rules and limitations: Up to two Courtesans can be booked at once per individual, excluding event bookings. The limit for long term booking is 7 days at a time. Do not attempt glamor tricks, all of our Doves are protected.

Tier 2 - The Paramours

Would you like some tantalizing company for your parties, events, or in the privacy of your home? Are you tired of going out to hunt for your meal every night? Then the paramour is ideal for you. Have your food delivered and enjoy some light sensual play along the way. Paramours can act as dates to local events and gatherings.

Rules and limitations: Up to three Paramours can be booked at once, per individual, excluding parties. Paramours cannot be booked for longer than 12 hours. The sex menu is limited, please inquire for further details. If the rules are broken, you will be punished and stripped of your membership. Do not attempt glamor tricks, all of our Doves are protected.

Tier 3 - The Lovers

Spicy and decadent company for the hungry vampire! Book a Lover to keep you company socially, at home, or to be your date at local events, for up to 4 hours. Nourishment included. Have fun biting but no sex!

Rules and limitations: Up to four Lovers can be booked, per individual, excluding events. If the rules are broken, you will be punished and stripped of your membership. Do not attempt glamor tricks, all of our Doves are protected.

[crazycoke-addict]

Why I now believe it was Ethan Landry who attacked the core four and killed anika in the apartment scene attack.

I saw Scream VI, a few days ago and I believe that it was detective bailey who attacked them in the apartment and killed anika. However the more I think about it and even what Ethan later on says to Chad. I know geniuly believe it was 100% Ethan who attacked them and end up killing anika.

While ethan does have an alibi of him being at econ class and that 100 people might vouch for him. It's not a good alibi. It reminds me back in Scream 1 when tatum said Stu was with her last night when Casey and Steve got murdered. However you have to look into what time, the murders took place to when Ethan had his economic class. If he had it before the murders took place than it would give him to time to sneak in sam and Tara's apartment. If it was after, it would be the same thing. The only way to back up ethan's testimony is they need to figure out what time did anika died in order to see if Ethan's testimony truly checks out.

Another part is that while height shouldn't be that focus. It does help out if you're thinking in a realistic sense. The actor who plays Ethan, Jack Champion is 6 ft 1 in real life and the ghostface we saw hovering over quinn does a look pretty tall. Meanwhile dermott mulorany who plays detective bailey is about 5f9. There's a part where ghostface lifts anika off the ground and with the actress devyn nekoda being 5ft4 and like I said before Jack Champion being 6ft1. I can see Ethan lifting anika off the ground a bit easily. A may not look like Ethan is tall, but majority of the times, he's either sitting down and blending in the other characters.

When Ghostface is trying to break the door down due to them putting a dresser. I have it a hard time believing this is detective bailey. Detective bailey was trained in the police force and probably had mulitple occasions where someone blocked the door, but would definitely found a way to break it down. So it make sense for it be ethan and when he does get in, I believe it would be easier for him to get anika off the ladder. Heck, Quinn could probably do it.

I think many people might mentioned the mask itself. The ghostface mask appears to be old and tattered so it's obviously that this is definitely billy loomis' mask. When they reveal themselves, Detective Bailey appears to wearing Billy Loomis mask while Ethan wore Nancy Loomis. However It seems like he wears it when him and quinn attack chad. Quinn wears Stu Macher's mask but she doesn't wear it all the time. We know she was the one who attacked Gale at her apartment and Mindy at the subway train. However the mask, she wears appears to look new and I understand for Mindy's part, it was to blend with the other ghostfaces. With that being said. The only time the billy loomis mask is used is the bodega attack and the apartment attack. Those two attacks have sam and tara, I believe when they were questioned by police. They would say that it was the same person. It's similar to how in Scream 2, where Mickey Altieri is left-handed and the wounds on the victum look to be left-handed. Nancy loomis even used her left-hand when murdering randy.

I believe that it was Ethan who did the apartment attack and kill anika.

[4ugury]

MULTIMUSE ROULETTE ! send  🎲  and i’ll place our muses into this generator and post the resulting muse combinations and a few ideas on how to make it work!

" 🎲  " ft, @nearends

TRIS PRIOR & NICK GRIMES, this could be done pretty easy by either placing nick and the grimes family into a divergent alternate universe, or by playing tris into a walking dead au! i'd have to say that the grimes are definitely dauntless, i'd wanna say either carl or nick would be a varying level of divergent, like we see others in the movies end up being ; either way, they start as dauntless and in the case of nick, he stays dauntless where his family is— rick and jeff, i think lori joined dauntless, but i do think lucy has always been dauntless. as for a switch up where tris is in a walking dead au, she could come from a peaceful settlement of survivors ! or honestly, a closed off city (like in tlou with the QZ's) that is still split up into factions, that being just how they're run ! either way, gimme tris and nick interactions pleath and thank.

JOHN MURPHY & FOSTER LAMBERT, a kinda weird one again except not really— foster comes from the insidious franchise, so i'd basically just throw him into t100 for simplicities sake! he'd be from the space station (can't remember what it's called), and be one of the hundred to come down. he has an older brother named dalton, and a younger sister who are probably still up in space with their parents- though i could see dalton being sent down with him to be honest.

ELLIE WILLIAMS & ETHAN WINTERS, uhhhh again i think this could be pretty easy. taking away the fact my man is just a mold man and would inherently just be infected- i'd make him a survivor looking for his abducted infant daughter, literally losing some fingers on the way, if not a whole hand. im not gonna lie idk much abt RE outside of ethan's games, so i'm not sure how i would place ellie into RE !

BELLAMY BLAKE & DENZEL, this is a weird one but honestly could work. denzel is from FF7: advent children, which can be viewed a bit apocalyptic? kind of. there's basically a plague going around and ya boy is infected with it! but i know u dont know much abt ff and there's too much lore involving FF7 specifically, so i'd just make denzel a natblida/nightblood grounder; he'd be bite-y and fight-y because he did try and throw hands with a god canonically.