#fuck him i got a shrek nose

[hyunsvngs]

JUNO BABY LOVE. i see your "losing your virginity to skz" AND I NEED YOUR 🧅 ON THE BOYS. I seen you made han and jeongins virgins as well🥴

But what are the boys like if THEY lose it to YOU. The concept is so🤤.

I am the shrek to your 🧅's babe

hello. sorry this has been rotting in my inbox but also creds to miss ems aka @cbini aka my wife bc we had an in depth discord conversation deciding what this would be like

jeongin & jisung are here!!

chan: virgin big dick chan. virgin big dick chan who's so freaking excited to finally lose his virginity!! he's always so busy and so stressed that he has become well acquainted with his hand, and now he has this insanely pretty girlfriend. you've told him you're ready when he's ready, that there's no rush, you can take it slow.

chan decides fuck taking it slow when you're laying on his bed, sexy body illuminated in purple from his led lights and your pussy glistening even in the low lighting that he's set. he's only kissed you, but now you've got him wondering - do you get this wet every time you kiss? have you been teasing yourself just to make sure he's ready? the thought has him hardening even further in his boxer briefs, and he finally yanks them down, heavy cock hanging thick between toned thighs. you giggle, eyes focusing between his legs.

"oh, channie. you're big," you coo, hand wrapping around his shaft. the tight ring you form makes him groan, his plush lips parting as he just lets you. "is that good? my pussy's tighter, y'know."

"don't," chan gasps, his hips canting into your hand. you smile again, hand speeding up on his cock. "don't- don't tell me that, jesus christ. i need- please, can i? god, you're fuckin' insane-"

you let your hand fall from his cock, dainty and soft. your hands are so soft that his mind feels fuzzy from the few movements you gave him. you move upwards on your forearms, tits jiggling on your chest. chan wants to press his face in between them even if he can't breathe.

it's when you move your legs, feet planted either side of your hips and pussy fully exposed to him that he finally springs into action. "can i? can i, can i? baby, i'm really fuckin' hard, i need to- need to finally feel it. finally."

"of course, channie," you murmur, pulling him in by his broad shoulders. the movement has his chest pressing against yours, toned chest against your sensitive pebbled nipples and you sigh in bliss. chan looks like he's about to die, eyes blown wide and heavy pants falling from his lips. his cockhead is right against your hole, not quite breaching but very present. "d'ya wanna push in now? i'm wet enough."

chan nods, huffing, and then he's pushing in. his cockhead is thick, flared mushroom head pressing past the tightness of your hole and he gasps with the feeling around his cock. it makes him jolt, thighs clenching and unclenching on top of you, and before he can process it, he's moving. his hips are fluid against yours from years of dance practice, and you see his eyes roll back into his head.

you simper with the feeling, his cock massive and weighty inside of you. it feels so good, but - you count one, two, three full thrusts, and then his hips stop moving. his fingertips dig into your waist, and he's gasping before letting out a deep groan, eyes fluttering shut. oh.

"baby, did you cum?" you smile, running your hands through his messy hair. he huffs in disapproval, head drooping to rub his nose against the crook of your neck. "awh, that's okay, baby. we can do it again later, yeah? did you have fun?"

he hums, scratching the back of his neck. you can feel how bad his cheeks are blushing on your skin. "i am so fucking embarrassed."

(he's still thinking about it five years later when you're married with kids by the way!! he rocks your world every night at that point, but he still scratches his neck and blushes awkwardly everytime he thinks about filling you up so quickly.)

minho: he always kisses you so passionately. he's fucking insane, you realise, this virgin boy who should be blushing and embarrassed from the way his hips grind sinuously into your throbbing core. he should be nervous, but he smirks down at you with his eyes half-lidded every single time you whimper for him.

"is that good?" he murmurs, and you can hear his voice dripping in faux sympathy. "let me fuck you, then. it'll feel better, yeah?"

the gusset of your panties is positively dripping, no doubt marking minho's tight, too-expensive boxers with your slick. you whine, canting your hips up against him. he's hard. he's hard, and you can feel it - thick, long, everything you could've ever wanted. you just don't want to rush him.

you're babbling before you can even stop it, as if he doesn't have you naked from the waist up in his bed. with the boys in the other room, nonetheless. "minho, minho, are you sure? i-"

"let me get my cock in you, pretty," he leans down, bunny teeth nipping your ear. "i think i have a natural talent, y'know. all that dancing, i think i can fuck you just right even though i've never done it. what do you think?"

he punctuates his words with another few thrusts into your core, and you gasp, hands coming to rest on his shoulders. he's shirtless too, planes of milky skin stretched tight across dancer's muscles. he's so yummy. "i want it," you whine, nodding. "i want it, i want it. are you ready? are you?"

you find out that yes, he really is ready, especially when he strips you both of your underwear and finally, finally pushes inside. it pisses you off that he doesn't even react, fully calm and collected despite you writhing and squirming beneath him. he really does have a natural talent, you decide. the slide is so smooth, your pussy so slick and consistently gushing around his cock.

"so wet for me," he mumbles, one thumb coming to rub over your clit. it makes you whimper, eyes watering at the overstimulation. his resolve is faltering, you realise, his eyes struggling to stay open and his teeth biting into his plush lower lip. "i need you to cum, kitty. need you to cum for me, okay? i can't hold on much longer, you're- kitty cat, remember it's my first time, 'kay?"

"so confident before," you huff, but you let him bring you to the edge anyway. he giggles, biting your earlobe again.

"that's before you got so fuckin' wet for me, minx. c'mon, feel my cock and cum."

changbin: definitely climbs through your window trying to be all sexy and mysterious at like 2am. he woke up with a start, and then decided that tonight he was going to fuck you. or try to, at least. he knew you'd had sex before him, knew you were waiting for him to be ready, and coming through your window just seemed like a great fucking idea at the start.

he rolled through onto the windowsill and landed on the floor with a thud. he only looks at you, where you're still awake and shoving crisps into your mouth except now staring at him with wide eyes. he puts a hand on his hip, quirking an eyebrow. "was that sexy?"

"no," you answer honestly. "you want some crisps?" changbin nods and clambers onto your bed, but it's only after a few mouthfuls does he propose the idea to you.

he wants you on top, he says, letting you decide the pace. "you can jump off when i'm gonna cum, y'know," he mumbles. he's nervous, still doing that cute little downturned smile but he's blushing. "if i'm on top, i think i'll just cum inside."

"makes sense," you hum, and then you're sinking down onto him. he's thick, short in length but girthy enough that it makes you whine out desperately. it feels good. he's perfectly sized for you, and his broad hands go to your hips almost immediately. his biceps are tensing, jaw dropped in a silent moan.

"jesus, is this- does it feel this good every time?" he whines, and you hear his feet thudding against the mattress as he thrashes around. you giggle, starting to rock your hips against his, but his hands grip you even tighter. you might have bruises afterwards. you want to have bruises afterwards. "i can't. i can't, don't move, i'll cum!"

you soothe him with a hand over his pec, thumb brushing over his nipple. it unfortunately makes him buck his hips with an even louder noise. "binnie, it's really okay if you cum. it's your first time."

"hnnfmg," he manages, head falling back against your pillows. his hands go to your ass, and before he can even process what he's doing, he's thrusting up into you. the movement makes you gasp, jolting forward with your hands over both of his pecs, fleshy and delicious where your fingers dig into him. "ah, ah, ah. binnie's pussy now, okay? it's mine, please, let it be mine. it's so fuckin' good, so wet, jesus-"

"yours," you whine, nodding. "all yours, all yours. forever. i love you, binnie, i love you so much."

this makes him let out a garbled, choked out noise, and then he's tapping your ass frantically. you jump off of him like you said you would, thighs splayed over his, and watch in shock as his cock spurts white hot liquid all over his own body. it drenches the smattering of hair at his base and sprays all the way up to his shoulder and he gasps, hips bucking into nothing.

"oh," you say, giggling. "messy, huh?"

changbin huffs, thrashing his feet again. it's hard to take him seriously, cum covering his entire upper body and his cheeks blushing fervently. "shut up!" he turns to you then, grinning as if he's not got his own seed on his shoulder. "love you."

you smile, shaking your head fondly. "i love you too, baby."

hyunjin: definitely gets way too excited. he's fucking vibrating when he finally lays you down on his bed, and hyune is a romantic - you walked into his room to see multiple candles lit and god damn rose petals on the bed.

"my love," he coos, plump lips brushing over your shoulder. his hair tickles your neck, newly dyed dark and soft against your skin. "my first love, only love. thank you for letting me have you like this."

he wants you on top, too. his cock is curved perfectly to hit your g-spot and okay, maybe you get a little too excited at the thought of having that inside you while you're on top. it's gonna stretch you so perfectly, fill you up with his long length and you get to see that man looking so beautiful beneath you. you can't wait.

when you finally lower yourself onto his length, one of hyunjin's hands grips a bunch of rose petals and the other one knocks the lamp off the bedside table. "shit!" he exclaims, leaning over to try and look at the damage. you can see it's shattered on the floor because of course hyunjin's got one of those expensive, brittle ones on his bedside table. he shakes his head anyway, returning to his position laying flat and his hands going to your waist. "i don't care. continue, my love."

"hyunjin, the lamp..?" you question, but your hips are already grinding against his. you were right. his cockhead presses deliciously against that spongey spot inside of you, and it's so sweet the way his lips form a blissed out smile, tongue licking over his teeth. "is it- do you like it, baby? do i feel okay?"

hyunjin nods quickly, a bead of sweat forming at his temple. your pace is slow, and you were worried he wasn't enjoying from how quiet he was, but when you look into his eyes you can see the truth. "i'm just- i'm trying not to get too excited, or i might hurt myself. i'm literally trying so hard not to like, backflip right now."

"please don't backflip when you're inside me," you admonish, and hyunjin giggles. you let him flip you over, his forearms holding him up over you, and then he's moving inside of you. his cock is so long it feels neverending everytime he pushes back inside, breaching your drippy hole over and over to the point you feel you might be going insane.

hyunjin's chain drops into your face, and you find your eyes crossing as your gaze follows it with every thrust. you're whining, fully pliant on the bed for your boyfriend's cock for the first time, and you can't help yourself when you take his chain into your mouth.

hyunjin halts, gasping, and then his eyes are rolling back into his head. you feel his cock spurting warmth inside of you, and as he tries to ride his orgasm out with desperate, jerking movements, his head thuds into the headboard.

"ah!" he squeaks, head dropping to your chest. he's stopped moving now, and you giggle, rubbing your hand over his head. "i'm so embarrassing. that was so fucking good though, next time i'll try not to destroy the room."

"try not to give yourself concussion next time, too, baby."

felix: honestly, you're surprised it took so long. felix has gotten embarrasingly rock solid in his trousers every single time you've made out or even just sat on his lap. he's so horny you know he fucks his fist multiple times a day, you've heard it. you just didn't want to rush him into sex before he was ready.

turns out he'd been ready the whole time, especially when he's now rutting into your core desperately. it also turns out lee felix was a bonafide freak, begging you to let him fuck you raw so he could feel every inch of you around his cock. his cock isn't too big, a nice, easy size to take, and when he'd pushed in you'd been moaning easily for him.

his hips slap against yours now, years of dance practice leading him into an easy, slick slide. his forearms clench either side of your head, and his heart shaped lips are parted, unabashed deep groans falling for them.

"i'm gonna- i'm gonna cum, i'm sorry, it's early, i need to," felix grunts, and you coo at him, pushing his messy hair out of his eyes. he moves to kiss your thumb where you rested it on his face, and then he sucks the digit into his mouth. it makes your pussy gush even more, adding to the wet noises of skin on skin between your legs, and felix whines around your thumb at the addition of slick on his cock. your thumb drops from his mouth, wet with spit. "gonna- g'na fuckin' blow, baby, baby, princess, i'm cumming-"

his hips stop, and you feel the cum spurt inside of you. the abundance of it oozes out of your hole, warm and thick around his cock, and you realise felix has started to move again.

"want more," he whines, licking into your mouth. his breath is heavy against your lips. "do you want more? i want more, it's so good, i can't stop. i'm still fuckin' hard, baby."

"gimme more, lixie," you nod, nipping at his bottom lip. "give my pussy more. you like it? wet enough?"

"fuckin' soaked, gonna- gonna fill you up loads, gonna fuckin- you're gonna be dripping with me for days, and then i'll just do it again."

seungmin: it's shocking to see your cool, calm and collected, almost reserved boyfriend fall apart beneath you. you've been grinding on his naked cock for a while now, and he can't help his hips canting while he tries to slip into you. your folds are soaked, gliding on his cock with the most pleasurable slide you've ever felt.

"babe, i think- i think i wanna put it in now," seungmin mumbles, cheeks burning red. he's so cute like this, fully naked on your bed with his cock flat against his tummy for you to use.

"yeah, i know," you giggle, and he swats at your thigh playfully. "you're rock hard, seungmin. you think i don't realise?"

"well- put it in, then, god," he huffs, and when you just raise an eyebrow at him, he's lifting you up by your waist. he positions his cockhead at your hole, the slit just as drippy as your pussy is, and then he's lowering you down. seungmin keeps eye contact with you as you lower onto his shaft, thick and stretching you with a gasp.

"that's big, seungmin," you murmur, and seungmin grins.

"yeah? big enough for you?" it's your turn to slap him playfully, and then you're grinding along his cock. you consider briefly that you may be getting addicted to it, the way his cockhead presses deep against your cervix in this position.

seungmin isn't fairing too well, either. all cocky comments he had in his head have disappeared, mind going fuzzy at the feeling of you on his cock. this is what he's been waiting for? it's been fucking worth it, definitely. you're going to have trouble getting his cock out of you from now on.

"god, how has- how has no one sat on this before? it's fucking- it's so good, seungmin," you huff, and despite feeling the burn in your thighs, you start to bounce. the sudden movement has his fingertips digging into your hips painfully, and with one thrust of his hips meeting yours, he's cumming. you feel it before you recognise it, but you giggle anyway, bouncing just a bit more to let him ride out his orgasm.

he fills you up to the point it starts to drip back out onto his pubic hair, and then he yanks you down to lay on his chest. "give me five minutes," he yawns, hand threading into your hair. he's still inside you, cock softening but still feeling so, so full. "give me five minutes, and i'll fuck you properly, nice and dirty. i'll make you cum."

[shiggyscumrag]

Puff Puff Pass

[Getting high with Brett and then fucking the shit out of him!! CONTENT WARNINGS: oral (male receiving), vaginal sex, cursing, praise, drug use: weed]

Let’s just say he had a pretty fucking stressful day at cognito and just wanted to get home to you. The gang asked if he wanted to go for drinks, and he almost gives in when you step in.

“Actually Brett and I were planning on spending the night together at home.” You speak up wrapping your body around his arm. Looking down at you, looking back at them, then back at you again not knowing what to do. Brett is a yes man and can’t say no to anyone, especially not the people he loves most in the world! The love of his life v.s. His work family! Before anyone can speak up you squeeze his arm and say “Have fun guys!” Brett slowly starts being pulled away after you start walking towards the exit. He speaks up as the office door is closing on him.

“Can’t say no the wife gang, I’ll drink with you guys later!” He gives a wave and the door barely misses his nose almost pinching it shut. He then turns to you “I didn’t know we had plans to stay in tonight?” He felt bad for not remembering you saying anything about a date night.

“Well you looked stressed this past week and haven’t been getting the best sleep so I thought you could use a night in.” You say squeezing his arm slightly. He loved the sentiment truly, he was also relieved he didn’t forget a date night. He would’ve felt terrible. You don’t deserve a man who doesn’t remember a simple date night. You could do so much better-

“I got some weed so that you could really relax. I was thinking we could just smoke, cuddle and watch a movie. Sound good to you?” You spoke interrupting his thoughts. You were always good at stopping his over thinking, even if you didn’t know it.

“That sounds really nice actually.” He smiles getting into the car. Once you’re back at your shared apartment you decide it would probably be good to get some food. When Brett goes to start making food you stop him.

“Hey hey mister, this is a lazy night so you’re not cooking and I’m not either. I thought we could order in dinner and some snacks since we’re gonna be soaring in the clouds here soon.” You chuckle, hands still placed on his chest from trying to stop him from entering the kitchen.

“I guess that would be pretty nice. We have been cooking a lot lately so we could afford to splurge. Ah what am I saying let’s do it!” He screams as he launches his arms in the air. It looks like he’s doing a victory pose.

“Perfect, I’ll order and it will be a surprise because I know you love surprises.” You say pulling out your phone ready to order.

“I do love surprises. What movie do you wanna watch while we wait?” He asks moving to grab the roommate off the mantle.

“Whatever you would like babe. I just want to spend time with you, plus I’ll probably be to busy starring at your handsome face.” You smile “And you know rolling the joint but mostly your handsome face.” You add shrugging your shoulders. He gives you a chuckle and a kiss on the cheek once he’s settled on the couch. While you sit there doing your thing he scrolls through Netflix trying to find the perfect thing to watch. Scrolling and scrolling and scrolling till her finds it, the perfect movie of all time… Shrek 2! You snicker at his choice and continue to pack the joint full, slowly and meticulously rolling it into the perfect shape. You grab the lighter and watch as the end ignites, taking a deep draw you let the smoke fill your lungs before you exhale right into Brett’s face. That definitely pulled his attention from the movie.

“It’s all ready babe!” You say with a grin wide across your face. You look excited, eager for him to take a hit.

“Thanks!” You pass him the joint and he places it to his perfectly plump lips. You see his lips purse a bit while inhaling the smoke. He immediately starts coughing, face red and eyes teary. You grab the joint from his hands and quickly put it in the ash tray. You grab the bottle of water sitting on your end table and hand it to him telling him to take a sip. He follows your instructions immediately and practically inhales the whole bottle in one gulp. Your astonished at how he does it before he starts coughing again pulling back to reality. You pat his back slightly and rub it while he calms down, the coughs slowly dying out.

“Are you okay? Can you breathe alright? Do you need more water?” Questions are flying from your mouth panicking that you might have just killed your boyfriends perfect lungs.

“No no I’m alright, just burned a little.” He choked out through strained coughs. You watch as few tears fall down his puffed up cheeks. You kiss them as it’s the only way you can think it would make him feel better.

“We can stop, I think that’ll be best since it clearly hurt you.” You say beginning to put out the joint. He immediately grabs for your hands gripping your wrist.

“You don’t have too! I just won’t smoke, which is no big deal to me.” He says eyes wide with a slight look of hurt sprawled on his face.

“Brett it was meant to be for you, not me, so I don’t want to make you feel left out if I’m the only one smoking. That’s just not fair to you.” You explain turning to hold his hands.

“No please don’t stop just cause I can’t. This was for us to enjoy not just me. Plus, I like watching you smoke it’s really hot.” He protests, his cheeks growing red again at the confession.

“Okay.” Is all could squeak out and you pinched your thighs tighter together. A swirl of nervous and excited energy burn in your stomach. You pick the joint up out of the ash tray and once again put it between your lips. You take a quick drawl and then another longer turning to Brett and slowly letting it out to engulf his face. Once you’re done you see him lean forward while looking down and your lips and back up to your eyes. You meet him the rest of the way and press your lips against his. He pulls away after a second kiss and whispers

“Could you kiss me with the smoke in your mouth?” You can see the contact high starting to hit him, red haze in his lidded eyes. You scan his face determined to memorize every inch of it in its current dazed expression. You nod your head giving him a quick peck to his lips before beginning to take another hit. Holding it in you lean forward and capture his lips in a deep kiss. Pushing smoke into his mouth between the fight of your tongues. You feel his hands find their way to your hips, giving them a slight squeeze when he finds the perfect spot. You part your lips slightly out of breath and quickly set the joint down in the ashtray in desperate need to find his lips again. He pulls you on top of him now straddling his legs. Your hands reach up and find refuge in his Carmel locks. His hands are gripping deep into your hips when he pushes you down onto his hips beginning to grind yours to his. You pull away panting as you look down and let out a small moan. You can’t miss the way you hear him groan as you start grinding harder against his hard on. You pull away cupping his cheeks as you stare deeply into his brown eyes.

“I want to fuck the shit out of you.” A small grin on your face as the words leave your mouth, but Brett can’t miss the look of desperation in your eyes.

“I wouldn’t want anything more.” He says as he reaches to take your top off. He stares at your newly exposed skin, still warm from the hoodie you just wore. He starts at your left shoulder slowly kissing his way down your collarbones to your right shoulder. Then moving up to place a deep kiss on the pulse point on the side of your neck. A breathy moan slips from your lips as you grip his shoulders. He pulls and captures your lips and he goes to unclasp your bra. You pull down on his shirt, urging him to take it off. After pulling of your bra he reaches down and pulls of his shirt. You almost start drooling while staring down as his juicy pecs and toned abs. You start kissing and leaving hickies across his chest. Your hands make their way down to his sweatpants pulling down the waste band and feeling that he has no boxers on. You looked down eyes wide and mouth dropped. Maybe the high was kicking in because you feel sober people don’t get this shocked when they see their boyfriend not wearing underwear under his grey sweatpants. It’s kinda expected. None the less he notices your expression and let’s out a chuckle.

“Sweatpants just feel most comfy this way.” He leans forward starting to kiss you again while tugging at your pajama pants. You pull back standing up and pulling down your pants and underwear in one clean sweep. Stepping out of your pants you quickly fall to your knees and start pulling down his sweats. He lifts his lap allowing you to strip him of his pants as you begin to kiss his shaft. You leave a kiss with a small lick to his tip that makes a small hiss leave his lips. bars.

You lick a long strip up his shaft before beginning to hollow your cheeks and suck him off. You would like to say you had some patience but when it comes to sucking his cock you are anything but patient. You push yourself as far down on his cock as you could bobbing your head fast and sucking hard. You feel his hips buck as you suck particularly hard near his tip. You then see him shiver and let out a whimper as you pull his cock and start sucking a vein on the underside of his shaft. Going back to give his tip more attention you begin to bobbing your head up and down again. He couldn’t help himself and held your head down on his cock when you neared his base. A loud groan leaving his mouth as he bucks further into your mouth. You glance up at his face and see his eyes squeezed shut and his jaw clenched shut. After a minute he pulled you off his cock and placed a chaste kiss to your lips. He lifts you off your knees from in front of him and pulls you into his lap again.

“I’m sorry babe I can’t wait any longer.” You respond with only a moan as you feel him drag his cock through your folds and slowly circle your wet hole. “You alright?” You can only nod and he takes it as encouraging and starts pushing in. You feel the drag of his vein against your walls, it makes you toes curl in pleasure. Your hands dig into his shoulders and you press your face into the side of his neck, a whimper escaping you as he bottoms out. “Oh fuck, you feel so good. So wet for me.” Brett knew just the right words to get you going. Before he could even say anything else you began to bounce on his lap. His hands find your hips fast and grasp tightly as a moan breaks from his throat. A shocked filled moan might I add. He guides you up and down his cock, staying a nice steady pace, hard and deep. You bounce and bounce till you feel your legs beginning to burn. You let out a whine and fall down onto his lap with tears burning in your eyes.

“Brett, my legs hurt. Please fuck me.” You hold onto the sides of his face looking deep in his eyes.

Kissing the underneath of your jaw he begins to thrust up into you. “I got you baby. You did so well. Such a pretty girl, my beautiful girl.” His thrusts are hitting deeper than before, you feel a pressure building in your stomach. It feels like a fire is burning your skin from the blush that has taken over your body. Brett’s praise mixed with the way his cock drives you crazy is making you go feral. You begin to suck hickies into his neck as you run your hands through his hair. Your beginning to over stimulate him causing sinfully loud moans to come out of him. Gripping onto your hips with a bruising strength he begins to babble out incoherent words.

“Baby- fuck holy shit. You feel- oh fuck- so fucking good. I’m gonna cum soon.” You pull away from his neck to look at his beautifully blissed out face and kiss him hard.

Pulling away you tell him “Cum inside me.” That sentence alone was enough to throw Brett right over the edge. With his hips stuttering you feel hot ropes of cum seeping into your walls as a loud moan comes out of him. You continue to grind into him to fuck him through his high. He then suddenly pulls you off of him and throws you down on the couch quickly getting between your thighs. Before you knew it his face was buried in your cunt eating you out like a man starved. His tongue went deep into your hole sucking his and your cum from your cunt as he then started to give your clit the attention it deserved. Circling your clit with his tongue he inserted his middle and ring finger into you hitting your g spot with every thrust he gave. Your head rolled back as the pleasure built up in your stomach, it felt like a million butterflies flying around your stomach. The heat on your chest begins to build as your hands dig and pull at Brett’s hair, the overstimulation taking over. One particularly hard thrusts of his fingers sent you hurling over the edge as you screamed out his name as you came all over his mouth and fingers. Shaking he rode you through your high and pulled out his fingers placing them in your mouth to lick them clean. You immediately complied and you could see his cock twitch when your tongue wrapped around his fingers. Once you were done and let his fingers go with a pop he gave you a deep passionate sloppy kiss. Spit and cum mixing in both of your mouths.

Pulling away he spoke up “This is a lot better than drinks.” You couldn’t help hit giggle and sit up giving him another kiss. Just as you pulled away you heard the doorbell ring. Your food must be here. “Talk about perfect timing.” Brett quickly stood up and put his sweatpants back on running to the door to grab the food. You hysterically laughed at his enthusiasm and simultaneously fell in love with him all over again.

[matcheadz]

I would like to thank whoever made the fic about Mama Vergil giving adult Nero her happy meal toy for the following brain rot:

When Nero and Vergil get closer, it’s in a very mute and limited capacity. Dante and the rest of the DMC crew have sort of resigned to the fact that they won’t ever be buddy-buddy. What they don’t know, however, is they only see what father and son allow them to see.

They’re both, underneath the façade of sarcasm and the extravagant displays of power and pride, actually sort of quiet people. Nero’s boisterousness is a learned behavior, a one born out of rebellion from his assassin days at the Order. Vergil, underneath the ambition and devilishly cold stares, is a romantic and a bookworm.

So when they start seeing eye to eye a little, it’s quiet. Private. Nero, ever the more communicative, will tell Vergil stories that he missed out on while he was absent. Of the odd treatment he received while in the orphanage, of his late brother, how he found his children etc. Vergil, if nothing else, is a good listener. He will nod and hum his acknowledgments, stay silent and thoughtful at Nero’s revelations. Sometimes, mostly when recounting stories of him as Credo, the corner of his mouth will twitch in what Nero *thinks* must be a smile.

Then one day around their first December, Nero starts picking up more and more jobs. He’s insistent to do them on his own, and the shit twins are more or less respectful of his wishes. But the three of them had fallen into a habit of picking up jobs together. Not all the time; nobody could afford that. But enough to feel his absence. Like a party member not showing up for Sunday brunch.

Vergil, still hesitant on reaching out, defers to Dante, who scoops his nephew’s job right from under him. It was a rough one. Probably should have included all three of them, and maybe Lady as a backup. Nero’s furious. He’s absolutely filthy, the van is likely to need hundreds in repairs and he’s tired. Tired enough to snap at Dante in early morning the last of the demons die, but not rev Red Queen’s engine. There’s an awkward silence between the two. Dante, ever the attention hog, doesn’t understand what he’s done but clearly feels bad. Vergil, on the other hand, is completely aware and turns around to walk into the only open “restaurant.”

You see, last month, while Dante had been entertaining Nero’s children during a birthday party, the both of them had coincidentally stepped outside for air at the same time. Nero had a constitution for gatherings built up over time, but he had never “become a people person.” And Vergil? Well, Vergil was Vergil. So Nero had gone on a small tirade. Sat at the stoop of his front porch, he had rubbed a tired hand over his eyes and complained about money.

They were strapped for cash as it was, with three kids, a niche freelance job and an orphanage sparing a meager wage. It was even worse that two of their foster kid’s birthdays were in November AND Christmas was coming up. He was adamant “that those kids got it better than he did.” Vergil did as he always did and merely nodded and hummed his acknowledgments until Nero had sufficiently relieved the weight in his chest to go give Kyle his proper, happy birthday.

so Vergil walked into this “restaurant” and bought the most nasty, disgusting double bacon cheese burgers for the three of them. Still covered in blood and dirt, and Nero still seething, they scared the absolute shit out of the opening manager by eating inside. The Snickers Effect took hold of Nero and he eventually mellowed out. In a small moment of silence, Vergil pulled out those fucking Shrek toys, one for each of their meals, and handed them to Nero while he chowed down. Dante fucking snorted the coke out of nose while Nero just stared at the damn thing in his hand with a sort of defeated look.

The job may have taken him two steps back, but it was nice, admittedly. Nice to have somebody there when shit got hard. To have family around. When Christmas came around, Nero sort’ve squirmed alot when the kids unwrapped their presents. It wasn’t alot, but it was enough for them. (At least that’s what Julio said after he gave his foster papa a big hug (Nero did NOT cry))

And those little McDonald’s toys sat well loved in the trio’s fairly bare bedrooms.

[onedayimgonnasnap]

Court Of Darkness Slander

He didn’t do anything but- I’ve been holding the urge to not bully him for a fucking month now everytime he pops up on screen.

Bro looks like he uses the Pythagorean theorem to solve puzzles.

Bro looks like he can’t take a joke without going; “Actually 🤓🤓☝️”

Goofy ass voice. Bro giggles like someone was holding his nose, he sounds sick all the time.

He says scrumptious everytime he eats his dry ass chicken after a long day.

Bro is the only non toxic mf in the whole family and they still don’t pay him any attention and the only time his own momma be paying attention to him is for a scheme.

Bro would apologize to me if he saw this post with tears in his eyes like he did something wrong.

Look at bros earrings- IT LOOKS LIKE A CLIP ON-

Bro kinda built like an Edgar from school; “No quema cuh”

Look at his goofy ass hair, it built like Light Yagami, Shane Dawson or Justin Bieber.

That’s why the Avari brothers be a whole ass boy band.

Bro walks like Coralines dad, he has his whole ass neck out when he walks.

Bro would correct you on a math problem and when he corrected you it was actually wrong when the teacher corrects you so he unintentionally set you up for failure.

He looks like he’d be good at roller skating and bad at ice skating

He looks like he would go to school on a scooter and park it outside of a bush just for it to be stolen.

Bro can’t even put on a jacket correctly bitch always has one arm out.

How tf does Aquia have a route after Assper?

He looks like he’s allergic to sunlight and carrots

He looks like he’d say sorry after being sick

He looks like he’d try to change his whole personality to get along with Guy but Guy still doesn’t hang out with him.

He looks goofy asf “OH OH OH I KNOW YOU LOVE ME-“

Bro would call you a silly goose.

He would say “teehee”

He has a high pitched sneeze.

His head is built like an AirPod.

His nose is built like an obtuse triangle

Bro is an angle

I can’t explain why, but he knows everything about the Kratt brothers

He would start yelling and crying is Guy called them the “Crap Brothers”

He’s a theater kid

He’s the family therapist

He would start yelling and screaming and throwing shit if I made one mean comment about Guy

He looks like he would cry in that one Disney film “the ugly duckling”

He looks like that one post of the lady who thought she was worshiping Buda but it was actually a shrek statue

He looks like he thinks he got AIDS from

High fiving a girl

His bro got more bitches

Aquia has NO bitches

He looks like his breathe smells like mints. Like a strong smell of fucking mint

He also likes to sit down and smell gasoline because to him it smells delightful

He looks like he would do the “👉👈”

Everytime he brings home a friend they ditch him to go hang with Guy or Zev

When he’s nervous or bashful one of his hairs pop out of his head straight up like in the little rascals movie

[you-remind-me-of-the-babe]

Thank you for the tags today @artsyunderstudy @fatalfangirl @whatevertheweather @onepintobean @johnwgrey @shrek-gogurt @aroace-genderfluid-sheep @hushed-chorus @chen-chen-chen-again-chen I haven’t gotten to everyone yet but I will! And your words will be awesome I am sure 💛

I’ve got a little more of my Watford-era smut for my Secret Snowflake Exchange fic. Did I mention this is a sex pollen fic? It may have been obvious from the last snippet I posted, but if it wasn’t, now you know 🥰

Baz

“It’s just…” he sighs dramatically. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Fuck, no,” I scoff, ignoring the way my cock throbs at the thought. I keep my arms anchored at my sides and clutch the legs of my trousers. Even though I’m dying to palm at myself, I refuse to do so in front of him. I think I’d die from shame if I did.

“Then why did you offer?” he asks, wrinkling his nose. He’s squirming like he needs to piss. (Definitely attempting to rub one out right in front of me, then.)

“I offered because it was a logical solution. But just because I’m willing to, doesn’t mean I want to,” I say in a withering voice.

Ah, angsty, horny Watford Baz. I love you so. As much as I’d love to continue to sit in car and play on tumblr, I should probably get on with my Xmas shopping. (Gifting is not my strong suit. If I could outsource this task to someone better at it, I would in a heartbeat.) (And yet here I am, posting about a gift fic that I’m thoroughly enjoying writing. I guess sometimes gifting is fun. When you know what the person wants! Hooray for prompts!)

Tagging @facewithoutheart @aristocratic-otter @moodandmist @captain-aralias @bookish-bogwitch @creepyspice @cutestkilla @raenestee (Raen every time I go to tag you and start typing, Rainbow’s name shows up first and I SWEAT BULLETS worrying I’ll tag her instead 🤣) @nightimedreamersworld @ivelovedhimthroughworse @whogaveyoupermission @ic3-que3n

[useless-bi-otch]

Cookies'n Cream - Chapter 27

Last chapter / MasterList / art by @aneenasevla

Chapter 27 - Queens and Clowns

Note: This chapter contains scenes only suitable for 18+ audiences (A.K.A. smut). You’ve been warned

.

Now that he and Tomori were together and knew each other a lot better, Okubo wondered how he hadn't noticed the signs before.

They've always been there, right under his nose. She had warned him about them herself, and he had chosen to ignore it long enough to be vulnerable. And now, he was in that situation, trapped between a rock and a hard place because of a promise.

All because she, in addition to being cute and sweet, was calculating, slightly manipulative and fully aware of the effects she had on him. If he had noticed these signs sooner, he would have set boundaries from the start. But now it was too late, and he was...

"... Wrapped around her little finger."

"Being held by the balls."

“Lassoed and ridden like the bald bull you are."

"You're good at thinking of synonyms, but not at helping me think of a way out, aren't you, you bastards?!," Okubo grunts, taking an angry bite of his pizza slice while watching Rihito, Himuro and Kaneda being complete assholes to each other during the most violent Mario Kart competition he had ever watched in his entire life. "I'm serious , that girl put me behind the eight ball!"

"Sorry to say that, Okubo, but you're the one who got yourself into this," Kaneda comments, ignoring the curse Rihito shouted in his ear when he throw him off the track with a red shell. "You shouldn’t have agreed to go out with her when you had a bruise too obvious to go unnoticed."

"Or you should've lied and said that it was one of us who did that to you during a sparring session- Rihito, you son of a bitch!," Himuro yells when Rihito throws a banana peel in front of him on the track and makes him spin. Rihito laughs out loud.

"Suck on that banana, you man-whore! And yeah, man, you should've said that. It was a lie, but it was for the greater good, right?"

"I thought about doing that, but I couldn't!," He gestures frustrated. "I don't know what's with her eyes, but I'm totally incapable of lying when I look into them! It's a mix between Puss in Boots from Shrek and a human version of Hello Kitty with the softest, most good smelling boobs in the world! It was a lost battle from the start..."

"You couldn't even put your foot down? Like, saying you won't take her to see a Kengan match and that's it, no more whining?," Himuro asks, grinding his teeth while trying to pass by Rihito without being hit by the green shells that surrounded him. Okubo shakes his head, shoving the rest of the pizza into his mouth at once.

“I wanted to do that, but I just couldn't. She was naked at the time, just out of the shower, all wet and smelling good," He can't hold back, smiling when he remembers, still chewing. "With her asking like that, there's no grown man who can resist."

"Holy shit, dude… now I understand why you took so long to fuck her."

"What do you mean?"

"You knew that your brain cells were all stored in your balls and that she would empty them without thinking twice."

"Fuck you, Rihito!"

"Too late, I'm doing just fine! Yes!," Rihito raises the joy-con in the air in celebration as he manages to pass Kaneda on the last corner and cross the finish line first. Kaneda moans, throwing his head back, while Himuro throws a small tantrum and throws the other joy-con onto a cushion. Good thing, because Okubo would beat his ass if he broke even one piece of his Nintendo Switch. "Gentlemen, I'm fuckin' unbeatable!"

"No way, this is just the first championship you've won tonight," Himuro snorts with a frown. "You were ahead of Kaneda by a measly four points."

"Which I intend to keep in the future. Now, go eat a pizza slice with Egghead, I have a lil' fucker to beat," Rihito dismisses him with hand gestures, to which Himuro gives him the middle finger before leaving the joy-con aside and walking away, sulking.

"Asshole... get his ass for me, Kaneda."

"Haha, I'll do my best. Anyway, Okubo...," Kaneda turned to Okubo while Rihito adjusted the game's settings. "Now that you promised her, there's no going back. Breaking the promise could be worse for you."

"I know…," Okubo scratches the back of his head, tired. "I wouldn't do that to her anyway. She's been honest with me, the least I can do is reciprocate."

"Yeah, but at what cost?," Himuro says while grabbing a pizza slice inside the box on the kitchen counter. "We already talked about the risks, remember?"

"I do...

"And you're still going to go ahead with that idea?"

"It's not because I want to, Himuro," He retorts angrily. "Don't you guys understand? She didn't give me a choice. It almost looks like an ultimatum," He sighs. "If I keep more things from her, she'll think I'm not being honest enough and conclude that it's not worth investing in our relationship. It's that thing about giving too much and getting too little in return... and I want to give as much as I get."

"Holy shit, that came out so wrong, hahaha!"

"Shut up, Rihito, I'm serious!"

"Okay, okay, you want to be serious, right? So let's be serious," Rihito forces himself to stop laughing, looking seriously at him while Kaneda chooses a cup. "You don't want her to know about the Kengan Association because it might be risky for her or is there more to it?"

Okubo immediately gets uncomfortable. "What are you talking about?"

"I don't know, you're focusing too much on something that can be easily solved," Rihito shrugs. "If your concern is with her safety, that's fine. She'll have you and us, if you're the one fighting, to protect her."

"Wow... would y'all really do that?"

"Of course. We like her too," Kaneda guarantees with a nod. "Not just because she's your girlfriend who isn't quite your girlfriend."

"Yeah. She's just a nice girl," Himuro shrugs.

"Yep! She's crazy and a little sarcastic and judgemental, but still cute," Rihito agrees. Okubo sniffs a little.

“Gee, guys… you really-”

"Not to mention that if I play bodyguard, she'll owe me one! Then I can ask for her friend's number as a payment without feeling guilty about it."

"Holy shit, you're the most self-serving jerks I've ever met in my entire fucking life," Okubo runs a hand over his face, grunting. "Okay, I'm glad you guys want to do this for her too. But continue your reasoning, Rihito."

"Alright," Rihito and Kaneda turned their attention to the match again, but the former kept talking. "If that was your only concern, you'd already know that it is very easy to solve. But there's more to it, right? Because when you mix Miss Uta and you, there's always something more. I've got your number..."

"Unf. Aren't you an observant motherfucker..."

"You're just that obvious, bro."

"Indeed," Kaneda and Himuro nod together, and Okubo glares at them indignantly.

"And you still agree with him! Ugh... okay, it's not just that," He finally admits. "It also has to do with moral issues."

"Moral issues?"

"Yeah, like... you're aware of how she's an avid martial arts fan, right? She's always watching the fights in the major leagues, even the lesser known ones," He takes another pizza slice from the box, eating it with a frown. "Only all those leagues are public, safe and full of rules. I don't know what she'd think of an underground league, let alone one like the one the Kengan Association maintains..."

"Look, I think she already guessed that you're involved with underground fighting, considering how you kept hammering this 'backstage league' thing," Himuro forms quotation marks with his fingers, to which Okubo shakes his head.

“But she doesn't know the full extent of the whole thing. It's something much more serious than a bunch of alley jesters getting together to beat each other to a pulp without much safety involved," He finishes chewing and swallowing, burping afterwards and continuing, "Rock bottom always has a basement. And I... I don't know, I'm worried that she might think this is wrong."

"But that's the thing, man… from a legal point of view, it's wrong ," Himuro arches an eyebrow, to which he snorts.

"Wrong to the point that she thinks our relationship isn't worth the effort! That she doesn't want anything to do with a guy who gets involved with that stuff. And the whole thing is very violent, much more than what she's used to seeing on television..."

"Oh... you're thinking she's one of those purist fans then... Damn it!," Rihito curses when a blue shell hits him, allowing Kaneda to pass him. "There'll be payback, mark my words!"

"I'm going to leave my change purse ready, haha ," Kaneda jokes.

“Either that or she became more adept at the concepts of right and wrong after she got over her delinquent phase,” Okubo muses, and Himuro frowns at him.

"Delinquent phase? What, just because of that tattoo?"

"No, she was absolutely deranged during her teens, according to herself. She almost got expelled from school once," He says, eyes wide; the fact still amazed him a little. Rihito lets out a mocking laugh.

"Give me a break! The tattoo thing I can believe in, but this?"

"If you're doubting it, ask her the next time you see each other. Anyway...," Okubo shakes his head. "She doesn't deny her past, but today she tries to distance herself from it. And if she concludes that I'm not following the same path, that the Kengan Association goes against the kind of life she's been trying to maintain... ugh, I don't know," He scratches his whole face with his hands, eyes squeezed shut. "I just don't want her to give up on us because of this!"

"Does that make you rethink your participation in the Kengan matches as a whole?," Kaneda asks, and Okubo needs to think a bit before answering.

"No… I mean, I'm just like you guys, I enjoy fighting without all the rules of the public leagues. Ultimate Fight has hardly offered me more challenges, I'm already at a much higher level-"

"If your ego inflates more, it'll replace your car's airbags."

"And the Kengan Association provides me with that," He continues, ignoring Rihito's comment. "I don't care about the businessmen's shenanigans, as long as I can fight strong guys. It's the same with you. I'm just worried that she won't accept it..."

There is a brief moment of silence while Himuro thinks and Kaneda and Rihito slaughter each other on screen. Himuro then asks the question he honestly didn't want any of them to ask.

"If she doesn't accept it, will you consider this a thing that's doomed to fail? If neither you nor she are willing to compromise..."

Okubo sighs heavily.

"I don't know, man. I don't want it at all. But if things get to that point..."

"If it gets to that point and you see that you are at an impasse, it means that she's not the right girl for you. It's that simple," Kaneda says. "And there's nothing wrong with that. Sometimes people just don't work together and it's no one's fault but circumstances'."

"I know. But it's been a while since I wanted something to work so much in my life," Okubo admits, a little embarrassed, but unable to contain himself. "You can say I sound like a sappy fagot and shit, but I don't think I'll find anyone like her anytime soon. And I don't want to. I just didn't want to have to give up one thing to have the other. It's so fucking unfair"!

"Maybe you don't have to!," Rihito says, leaning to the side when making a sharp turn. "If she really was that deranged like you're saying, maybe she won't think it's that wrong. Who knows, maybe she even likes it," He suddenly gives a mischievous laugh. "Maybe she'll get all excited with your performance in a match and wants to try some moves with you on the mattress, hehehe..."

"Rihito, what are you saying..."

“No, Iron Fingers might be right. This is an outright muscle eater we're talking about," Himuro says to Kaneda. "Like, I don't think she would like to see Okubo killing someone in the middle of a match-"

"I don't even intend to! I almost killed my first opponent in Ultimate Fight and I'm traumatized to this day...," Okubo shivers. Himuro nods.

"See? She wouldn't like it, but a fair, violent, bloody fight is something else. Some girls really get turned on with this stuff. If that's Miss Uta's case..."

Okubo blinks. And then he opens a huge stupid smile, even blushing a little.

"Jeez, gigolo, you really think so? Because man, if I win a Kengan match and it gets my Tomoh all horny for me, I'll be more than happy to crush other people's faces!"

"Fucking simp!"

"Fuck off, Rihito," He snorts while Himuro and Kaneda laugh. "The day you feel the softness of the right titties, I'm the one who's going to be laughing."

"Look, I don't know if they were the right ones, but I sure felt the softness of several titties a few days ago," Rihito opens the very same stupid smile. "There's no best way to celebrate Komada's first victory in months, dammit. .."

"Oh yeah, you went to celebrate at Ms. Rino's club on the same day as Okubo's Kengan match," Kaneda comments, and Rihito nods, his chest puffed out.

"We sure as hell did! The girls were so sweet with us. First time I went to celebrate with Komada and Ivan too, since my official brothel bro gave up on that life," He mutters in a sullen tone, to which Okubo smiles in the corner.

“Sorry for that, man. I liked the Golden Pleasure Club as much as you, but I wouldn't trade what I have now for anything."

"I know, bro. 'We're happy for you, you know that," Rihito nods. "And it's because we know how important this is to you that we're telling you not to expect the worst. Your chick is a martial arts lover. She's the type who knows that, sometimes, men only understand each other through violence," He laughs. "Just tell it like it is. If she knows you like she says she does, she won't be on your case."

Okubo smiles wider, his chest lightening considerably. He scratches the back of his head.

"Yeah, you're right. Thanks..."

"Yeah, you're so right I'm almost wondering if you're really Rihito," Himuro arches an eyebrow, to which Kaneda chuckles.

"Don't they say that even a broken clock is right twice a day? Well…"

"Why don't you go screw yourselves? Fuckin' bastards," Rihito grumbles, ignoring the laughter of the others. "You shouldn't even be surprised, I've been on a winning streak like no other lately. It's one win after the other!"

"You say that, but you're still behind me on that last lap..."

"Not for long. Go boomerang!," He screams, and laughs loudly when said boomerang hits Yoshi right in front of him. Kaneda lets out an indignant exclamation.

"Aaah! I could accept it if it was a shell, but a boomerang? It's too humiliating!"

"People do what they can with what they have, man! Hell yeah!," He celebrates when he crosses the finish line in first place, even getting up from the mat to do a little victory dance. "Another glorious victory for me, dammit! The other pizza is all mine!"

"Shit…," Himuro grunts, rolling his eyes while Kaneda scratches his headr tiredly. ​​"Now we're going to have to put up with this bullshit… can I go smoke on your balcony, Okubo? I'll close the glass door so the smoke doesn't get in, I just need to put nicotine into my system to withstand this..."

“Sure, man, go kill your heartache with some cancerogenous smoke,” Okubo jokes as Rihito does a victory dance in the middle of the room. Kaneda sighs and puts down the joy-con as Himuro marches to the apartment's balcony, looking pissed, ignoring Rihito's mocking laughter as best he can.

"Who said Superman's winning streak would be short-lived, huh? I'm kicking some major ass!"

"Yeah, just be careful not to fuck it up to the point of fucking your business," Okubo hands him another pizza box, still unopened. "Yamashita is sending you messages about your employees’ licenses issues. Better get that outta the way before it comes back to bite you in the ass, man."

Rihito moans loudly, throwing his head back.

"Damn, I hate these bureaucracies."

"It's annoying, but necessary, since you're a CEO as well as a fighter," Kaneda comments while turning off the Switch. "The sooner you deal with this, the better."

"Okay, okay, I'll stop by his office on Friday and sort this thing out, I promise," Rihito nods before turning to Okubo. "And you! You better solve this mess with Miss Uta sooner than later too. We can't wait for this soap opera to end and for us to reap the fruits of it."

"Bro, I swear to God, if you talk about her friend's phone number one more time...!"

"Nah, this time I'll be quiet. Unless, of course, you mention to her that we were the ones who pushed you in the right direction, and if she wants to thank us by being generous..."

Kaneda ends up laughing, and even Himuro, from the balcony, lets out a low, husky chuckle. Okubo just rolls his eyes, but he does so while trying to hold a smile back.

He was already kind of indebted to his friends for everything they had done to help him sort things out with Tomori, Rihito in particular. If everything worked out between them and she accepted this unconventional aspect of his life, why not bring the subject up? At least Rihito would stop pestering them like that. And he would pay off his debt.

"I hope your friend likes inconvenient idiots as much as you do, Tomoh..."

* * *

"So, what do you think?," Okubo asks while closing the door behind him, his tone a bit playful to disguise his shyness. "Is it as you imagined or did the typical masculine carelessness exceed your expectations?"

"What exceeded my expectations was the size. Holy crap...," Tomori comments, sounding impressed, as she walks around the living room of his apartment, even walking backwards so she can contemplate the place as a whole. "So this is how the luxury apartments in Tokyo's upscale area are from the inside!

"Eh, there are much more luxurious buildings around here, to be honest. For a guy who lives alone, this is enough," He decrees, hands on hips, to which she smiles a little mockingly at him.

"A guy who lives alone and has lotta cash in the bank, right?"

"Hey, I'm no saudi prince, but I deserve to have some luxuries with the money I earn working, right?," He shrugs, taking it in stride. "You could also have some if you let me spend a little on you..."

"Nah-ah-ah! You can stop right there," She raises the palm of her right hand to him like a traffic cop. "I'm getting enough luxuries just to be able to spend one night here with you. You sure there's no problem?"

"None! I cleaned the whole place to be worthy of your presence," He jokes, going to her and hugging her around the waist. "I even went to the market and stocked the fridge, all with your teachings in mind. We'll be able to watch Seki's fight in style!"

"Really? Such consideration!," She returns the hug, smiling at him. "Unless, of course, this is a very well thought out scheme to make me cook."

"Would you rather eat food made by me then? The guy who couldn't even get the shape of rice balls right before you showed him how?"

"I would help you! It would be a nice thing for us to do together."

"I'm up for it, but right now I'm thinking of something else for us to do together...," He bends down to reach her, exchanging a peck with her before going to kiss and nibble her neck, to which she laughs and shivers with the tickling.

"Wow, I really spoiled you, didn't I? Leave it for tonight, after Mr. Seki's match," She murmurs against his mouth, after giving him a longer kiss. "Then the gratuitous violence on television will have put me in the perfect mood."

"You're such a weirdo, Tomoh."

"Pot, meet kettle. I've got your number, mr. 'I-Get-Sad-And-Pouty-When-The-Woman-I-Like-Doesn't-Let-Me-Spend-Stacks-Of-Money-On-Her'."

"That just makes you even weirder," He smiles more, lifting her off the ground and making her scream. "And it makes me like you more and more..."

He kisses her again, and even though she starts slapping his shoulders, she doesn't protest in the slightest. On the contrary, she manages to encircle his waist with her legs, and Okubo concludes that it would be very easy to take her to the bedroom (or to the sofa, in case they concluded that the distance between the bedroom and the living room was too great) and get busy with her. The could leave the tour on the whole apartment for after they've satisfied themselves. They would have all day, after all.

It was so good to have fallen in love with a woman who seemed to have the same sex drive as him, or at least enough that neither of them ended up frustrated. Another of the many things they had in common, and he couldn't get enough of discovering more and more of them every time they were together.

It was what made him not want to believe what Kaneda had said a few days ago. That speech about her not being the right girl for him, in case their opinions regarding his participation in an association that promoted underground fights were very discordant. Where else would he find someone as amazing as her? Someone he was so in tune with? Where else would he find that warmth, that joy, that feeling that everything in the world was in the right place when he was with her?

He didn't want to give that up if he could help it. He wanted to get those doubts out of the way so he could commit to her, and not hide anything else. The opportunity had arisen when Sekibayashi Jun's next performance had been announced to be broadcast on a pay-per-view channel, and Okubo had offered his own television, with the combat channels already included in its premium subscription package, to Tomori, so that she herself would not have to pay.

"Is everything all right for you, Naoh?," She had asked, surprised and a little hesitant, after he had made the offer during their date a few days before. He had nodded with a laidback smile. "It won't be any trouble?"

"Of course not! Why would having you at my place would be trouble?"

"No, that's not it. It's just that... now I know that you get a little jealous of seeing me kissing up to other fighters, so I don't want to push your goodwill..."

She had looked embarrassed, and Okubo had felt bad for making her think he was the kind of possessive idiot who was jealous of even the celebrities his girlfriend admired. He reached across the table where they were both eating, in a small pub.

"You won't, I promise. I'd never ask you to put aside your love for martial arts because of my insecurities, Tomori. It's that dedication that makes you who you are, and I'll never want to change that."

She had smiled when he had touched her face, lifting her fingers to touch his hand as well.

"Great. Thank you..."

"And there's no reason for me to be jealous of that old man Sekibayashi, who's more like a grandpa on a national scale than anything else, haha!"

"He's not even ten years older than you, so your national grandpa status shouldn't be more than a decade away either."

"Hey, hey, how long are you going to make fun of my age? That says more about you than me, you old man lover!"

She had laughed out loud, holding his hand up to her face and turning her head to the side to plant a kiss in the palm.

"I'm not an old man lover! I only like one in particular..."

He would have kissed her right there if the place had been more suitable. And now that they were there, in his apartment, away from judgmental eyes and safe behind all those walls, he just couldn't and didn't want to stop.

If being completely honest with her had been easier and potentially less painful, he already would have been. He would have taken her to watch a Kengan match live, even. But the fear of losing all that was still too much, so he preferred to test the waters before being more open. A good start would be to give her a fun day, back at his apartment, which she's been wanting to visit for a while. Combining business with pleasure, that's what they called it.

“And if I can tame the beast with some sexy times, even better!”

The thought makes him deepen the kiss, whereupon she moans softly against his mouth and grips his shoulders through the top of his shirt.

"Hnnn... man, you really don't waste time..."

"I'm no broken clock to waste time. I like to get straight to the point, you know..."

"I know that well now. But I still want to see the rest of your apartment, you know."

"Oh, we can take a tour right now," He suggests, pulling his lips away from hers just enough to be able to speak. "Starting with my room…"

"Oooh, that's right. Your room," Her eyes suddenly narrow. "It's the place I'm most curious to see, to be honest."

He smiles, all mischievous. "Heh, I can imagine why. I assure you, my bed is almost as big as the one in that love hotel's room-"

“I still haven't got even for that day."

Okubo's smile dies a little, giving way to bewilderment.

"Even...?"

"Yup. Put me down, please," She asks, and he, even more confused, obliges. She marches into the hallway, as Okubo follows. What the hell was she...?

His question is answered when she reaches a door at the end of the hall. She turns to him, arching an eyebrow.

"Is this your room?"

"Uh… yes, it is," He nods, his brow furrowed. "Why? What are you...?"

And instead of answering, she simply reaches out and grabs the  doorknob, turning it and opening the door. Okubo can only stare, speechless, as she looks over her shoulder at him, gives him a petulant look as if daring him to protest, and enters the room without even asking permission.

Shit, he didn't know whether to be indignant or have a fit of laughter. He opts for a middle ground, chuckling softly as he rolls his eyes.

"Okay, I deserved that."

And he enters the room right behind her.

He watches her, from the doorway, walk around the room while inspecting everything with interest. He chuckles again when she places a hand over her chin, frowning.

"Disappointed?"

"Not at all. Your bed is really big, wow...," She comments, sitting on the huge mattress, and he smiles more.

"Now you can see why I want to get you there so badly. Just imagine how comfortable it is...," He pats one of the pillows, very pleased to demonstrate its softness. In general, his room was a bit plain, with the king size bed custom-made for him, the dressers flanking it, the closet and the bathroom with a huge bathtub that completed the suite. More personal things that denoted more of his personality and tastes were in his game and reading rooms, but banging her in those places wouldn't be nearly as comfortable as here. "And there's even a view of the city lights at night!"

He indicates the large window in the wall beside the bed, which gave them a view of the surrounding apartment complexes. Tomori smiles, lying on her side on the bed.

"Yeah, it must be very romantic..."

"That's because you haven't seen my lighting system yet! Check it out..."

He rushes to draw the curtains around the window, plunging the room into a soft gloom. And then he claps his hands twice, while throwing a mysterious smile at her.

"Open Sesame!"

Tomori lets out a sound that was a mix of laughter and excited gasp as soft lights come on behind the headboard and at strategic points on the ceiling, around the main source of light, giving the room a cozy atmosphere. She claps her hands as well as she sits back on the mattress.

"Beautiful! I'm going to love sleeping here tonight."

"Thank you, thank you very much," He gives a playful bow. "But you sure won't love it as much as I will!"

"We'll see about that... but look, Naoh, the correct phrase would be 'let there be light', right? ‘Open Sesame’ is for opening things, not turning on lights, haha.

"… If I say that what I wanted was to 'open your legs', will I be able to get away with being made fun of without sounding like a complete asshole?"

She laughs out loud, opening her arms to him.

"No, you won't. Now come here and kiss me before I change my mind and hit you."

And he goes, flushed but still as happy as he can be, climbing onto the bed and holding her close as he complies with her request with an excitement that has her giggling against his mouth. Soon they were lying on the bed, he propping himself up on his elbows so he wouldn't put too much weight on her, her hands touching his back over his shirt as her legs lifted, her feet brushing the sides of his hips.

“Hnnn… I kinda made a miscalculation,” she murmurs after they've both pulled back just enough to catch their breath. Okubo blinks.

"Miscalculation...?"

"Yeah. I should've explored the other rooms in your apartment before I decided to be petty and go into your room. I can see that we won't be able to get out of here anytime soon, haha..."

"And you think you won't have another opportunity to see everything?," He looks at her with a malicious smile. "Or to spend the night here more often?"

She smiles back, practically melting under him at those words.

"Now that I've heard it, I don't think so anymore."

And she then brings him for another kiss, already starting to try to take his shirt off by the hem. She loved to joke about how he was in a hurry, but he sure as hell wasn't the only one there who wasted no time...

He loved it when she didn't stall and showed ho much she wanted him. Promptly, Okubo removed the shirt she held by the hem, letting her help him, and promptly letting her caress his ego with her eyes. And her brown eyes, practically devouring him, made him feel like he was on fire.

"I really don't know how you can think you're ugly," She purrs, those avid eyes seeming to burn. "I think you're really hot, I always have…"

"I don't think men are hot, that must be why," he jokes back. "But you…," he kisses her neck, lifting her blouse.

She raises her arms to make his job easier, and soon, her breasts supported by her pale blue bra are visible to him in all their glory.

"I never get tired of hearing that, you know?," She murmurs, her tone desirous. "I used to get frustrated, thinking that you only thought I was cute. But now that I know you think I'm hot too... wow, that drives me crazy...," And she lifts her hips a little to rub herself between his legs, through the fabric of her skirt.

“Always and always,"” He pulls her bra over it this time, so as not to confuse where the clasp is, and he immediately buries his face between her breasts, purring contentedly with her softness, warmth, and scent. She giggled as she shivered at his breath on her skin.

"Your favorite pillow, right? Oooh...," She gasps softly with his kisses there in the middle. "Naoh..."

"More than that…," he laughs softly. "It’s closer to the heart of the one I love…"

The smile fades as her mouth opens in an O of astonishment, her brown eyes widening. He could see a very distinctive glow forming at the bottom of them, her cheeks staining with that shade of pink he loved.

"... Huh? Naoya, you...," She swallows hard, and when she speaks again; her voice seems almost choked. "It's- It's the first time you say that..."

He looks at her, big gray eyes peeking out between her breasts. "Hmm? Say what?"

"... You're really going to make me say it, aren't you?," She closes her mouth when her lower lip trembles a little. "It's the first time that you say you love me."

... Oh, fuck. Loudmouth was the perfect nickname for him, wasn't it?

He feels his face burning, his eyes widening, his stomach doing somersaults worthy of an acrobat. Holy shit, he had planned so much, rehearsed so many times in front of the mirror, had fantasized so much about the best ways to confess to her! But he had to blurt it out like that, on the spur of the moment!

“Well, there's nothing you can do about that now, dumbass! Just go with the flow and clear your doubts while you’re at it!"

"Oh..." he babbles, his face red. "Yeah… I said that. Do you like it?"

"… I do," She nods after hesitating, looking at him with an affection so intense it takes his breath away. "Because I feel the same way. I... I love you too, mountain. Uugh, you…!," She hides her face in her hands, as red as he is. "Making me act all sappy when I want to be naughty…!"

He blinks in astonishment, suddenly feeling all warm inside, smiling like an idiot, but not in a perverted way. It was almost as if his eyes had doubled in size, his breath hitching for a minute.

“Damn it, she loves me too!,” was all that ran through his head, like a wonderful movie that he would never get tired of replaying, over and over, until the idea sank in. He looks deep into her eyes, and in her flushed face, he sees no reason to doubt her words.

“She loves me too...”

Then his smile turns into something naughty. "And can't we be both? Here, I'll show you," he kisses her on the neck. "My beautiful, gorgeous, delicious brunette who fills me with hunger…!," and grunts against her skin between kisses. "Raaaawn!"

She squeals and laughs out loud, bucking all over beneath him, tears appearing in the corners of her eyes. He couldn't tell if they were from laughter, from happiness or both. All he knew was that she looked even more beautiful that way, damn it!

"Hahahaha! That's a low blohohohow...! My god...," She goes completely limp, throwing her head back, the smile seeming about to tear her face. "I'm so happy, I want you so much..."

"I want you too...," He lifts her skirt, kissing down to arouse her, and massaging her legs in the process, even kissing the inside of one of them to make her shiver with the proximity. And he succeeds, making her shudder all over as she bites her bottom lip.

"Hnnn… you really like kissing me there, don't you? Ever since that time at the love hotel..."

"A fruit like that is something I'll always want to eat," he surprises her by going straight to the middle of her legs, over her panties, biting the fabric. She arches her back into the bed, letting out a loud sound of astonishment and pleasure as she wraps her legs around his head automatically, making his face practically rub against it. Holy shit, that was a leg lock capable of knocking any motherfucker down, no matter how big he was!

"Aaaah...! Yeah, right there...," She support her hands on his head, her nails passing through his scalp, scratching lightly. He only gets a little space to run a finger and push aside her panties and kiss her, right there in the middle. And he opens her lips with his tongue to reach a very important part.

Her moan echoes in the room, her legs opening wider and letting him breathe as well as giving him more room to work. He sees her lift her head, staring at him from between her breasts rising and falling with her breath, her eyes almost black.

"Yes, I love your tongue, I love you, I- oooh, yes, yes...!," She closes her teary eyes tightly with his licks. If he wanted romance amongst the naughtiness, that's what he was going to get. He smiles and kisses her more languidly, loving the sounds she was making, squeezing her buttocks in his hands, lifting her a little higher to explore new areas.

Her toes twitch as she bites her mouth, hands cupping her breasts, her fingers playing with her own nipples. She thanked every deity that might exist that he learned so quickly, that tongue was devilish in every sense of the word. But the damn panties getting in the way were so annoying... she reaches out to cup his face, making him stop.

"Naoh, I wanna try something…"

He stops, looking at her and licking his lips. "What?"

She pulls away just enough so that she can take off her panties, dropping them on the bedroom floor. And then she pats the mattress with her hand, right beside her.

"Lie down for me, please…"

Okubo complies, smirking, curious as to what she's going to do. She notices that he was already quite excited under his pants. If he was like this with just tasting her… She really hoped he was only going to get even more excited about what she was going to do from then on. She smiles, climbing on top of him and kissing him, tasting herself on his tongue before stopping. And then she climbs higher, lifting her hips, until she's right on top of his face, her legs straddled and braced on either side of his head, her breathing faster with the urge.

“Wow, I've always wanted to try this… wanna try it too?"

He smiles. "Wow, if you always wanted to, then it's my dream," he pulls her to literally sit on his face, and sighs. "Nnnnh, thanks, ahahhah," and he laughs before kissing her again.

She can barely laugh along, already moaning with satisfaction and bracing her hands on the headboard for support, moving her hips back and forth slowly, following the path of his tongue.

"Hnnnn, you're- you're welcome... ooh, yeah, you're doing so great... I taught you well, didn't I? Hnnnn...!"

"Being hot is your natural talent…," he says while savoring, supporting her buttocks with his arms so that she can move more comfortably. And she gladly does, squirming in his face and loving it, shivering and throwing her head back every time his tongue goes over her clit, moaning loudly because she knew how much he loved to hear it.

"Oooh...! Naoh, this feels so good... I-I'm almost there, don't stop...!"

And he wouldn't be crazy to do that. He even sucked at her noisily, massaging her legs even more, taking a lick to catch her honey, and punishing her clit with his tongue.

The "punishment" proves too much for her, and soon he's tasting her, pure and concentrated, on his tongue, accompanied by those familiar pulsations and her moan that was almost a scream, filling his ears like erotic music.

"AaaAAAAH! Naoooh...," She bends forward, her legs shaking on either side of his head. "My- My god, you're too good for me, hnnnn..."

This softened his ego so much that if someone made a roast beef out of him right now, it would be the juiciest of dishes. He gave her one last kiss before making her come down and sit on his lap so he could appreciate her face, her messy hair, her rosy cheeks, her shuddering breath. She finds his semi-smug face.

"I'm just what you deserve me to be, Tomoh..."

She even shudders at the husky tone of his voice, as well as the place where she was sitting. The bulge brushing between her sensitive parts…she shivers all over as she bends down to kiss him, not caring that his mouth was all sticky.

"Hnnn... oh yeah? So you deserve me to be very good to you too..."

And she bends down to kiss and lick his broad chest, as he had done to her. He laughs a little, feeling a little ticklish, but still lets her kiss him, holding onto her waist, biting his lip as he feels her sway on top of him. He wanted to remove the rest of her clothes, but he let her play with him a little more. Things shouldn't be rushed, not when he wanted to enjoy every second.

Soon her hands were on the waistband of his pants, and apparently she didn't have much patience for teasing that day, because she was soon opening the button and unzipping his pants, licking her lips as she did so.

“Hnnn… you got that way just from licking me?," She asks hoarsely, getting rid of his pants and holding his cock by the base.

"And seeing you, smelling you… I have to control myself, you know? Hnm," he sighs when she holds him and starts massaging him. "And now, with you touching me, there's no other way I can be…"

"I can see that... what if I do this?," She looks at him as she licks the tip, circling it with her tongue before closing her lips around it and sucking. "Hnnn…"

He trembles, biting his lip and hissing. "I think… oh… I don’t think I need to answer, right…? Ooh…," he holds her hair, in a ponytail on top of her head, so as not to disturb either her job or the view. She responds by lowering her mouth further, circling it with her tongue and then moving up while applying pressure. And from there she said nothing more, letting her actions speak for herself, eyes closed as she moved her head up and down, her mouth making smacking sounds. Her enjoying doing it so much was something he was never going to get tired of, holy shit.

"Tomori... hmmmm…," he murmurs. "Ooh… and you still talk about me… oohh… I'm loving this… hmmm… yeah, babe, just like that, oohm…"

She looks at him, not stopping what she was doing, but changing tactics a little by releasing him and closing her mouth around his cock, goingo up and down while holding him with one hand, the other resting on his thigh. That mischievous face, those eyes staring shamelessly into his... how could he ever think she was the epitome of innocence?

He had never been so happy to be wrong. Wolf in sheep's clothing, indeed. And what a wolf!

"Hnnn… I really do," She murmurs after releasing him to breathe. "Because I know you're as naughty as I am," And she keeps going back and forth with her tongue, from base to tip. He doesn't deny it, because it was the purest truth, and because that hot pressure rising prevented him from being very coherent.

"Uuhh… hnmmm… Tomoh… oh," he trembles. "I'm… hmm… I'm almost…"

She retraces all the way to the tip at that, closing her mouth around him again and sucking hard, massaging what she couldn't quite swallow with her fingers, her tongue punishing the slit, as he had done to her. He loved it when she got vindictive like that, damn it!

"Hmmm! Oohh… Tomo-ohhh!," he arches his back at his climax, trembling at the base, and upon feeling that he's locked, she quickly feels him spurt into her mouth, hot and plentiful. She sucked some more to clean it all up, enjoying his dazed face. She then lets go of him, taking a deep breath and licking her lips before going up, kissing his body all the way until she reaches his mouth, which she kisses even harder.

"Hnnn, I love the way you taste..."

He doesn't respond right away this time, just reciprocating, hugging her tightly, massaging her back, hips and buttocks happily, and then letting go of her mouth.

"Hnn... I can't find anything I don't love about you, Tomori."

She smiles, and this time, it was a tender, cheerful, adorable smile like only the ones she knew how to give. She gives him a peck and hugs him back, her head snuggled into his shoulder.

"If you think about it a little bit, you should find something, but I won't ask you to do that. Right now I can't think of anything I don't love about you too..."

He smiles, stroking her hair. It was so soft… he even closed his eyes in satisfaction, stretching out on the bed. He could feel himself light-headed, carefree…

"Naoh...," She calls out suddenly, her voice low, hesitant. "Did you… did you mean it when you said that earlier? It... wasn't it on the spur of the moment?"

"Hm?," he looks at her. "I decided to be honest with you, didn't I? So, yeah, I'm serious...," He didn't want to say how much he wasn't willing to let go of her at any moment; he still feared that it could be used against him, somehow. He loved her and that was undeniable, but holy shit, if that story about true love not making you blind wasn't true. She curls up in his arms, sighing.

“It's just that sometimes it feels too good to be true, you know. I don't know if you feel the same or if it's just me..."

"I have no idea how to compare it, Tomoh…," he sighs. "But I just know that I really care and I'm willing to prove it."

"… Then say it again," She asks, swallowing a little. "Please. Now that our heads are a little clearer..."

She sounded fragile, for some reason. As if she was afraid of something and wanted to be reassured, comforted…he didn't know what had caused it, or if for some reason she had trouble believing it. But if that was a trap...

“Is that what you expect from the woman you swear you love? Maybe you don't love her that much then. And you keeps accusing her of always jumping to the worst conclusions.”

Guilt makes him cringe too. And it's the desire to prove to his conscience how wrong it was that impels him to say what she wanted to hear, and honestly, what he's wanted to say for so long.

"I love you, Tomori," he smiles, and speaks a little louder. "I love you, Shortie."

She lets out a loud, pig-like snort and quickly covers her mouth to stifle her ridiculous laughter. He, on the other hand, laughs out loud without trying to hide it.

"What the fuck was that noise?!

"Shut- Shut up, leave me alone! You're the one who started with this 'shortie' thing..."

"Which is what you are!"

“Anyone is short next to you, you freakin' Ent..."

"If you knew half of my social circle, you wouldn't say that. Now it's your turn!"

"Me? Oooh, now I don't want to..."

"No, now I want to hear it from you too, Piglet!"

She slaps his chest, trying to look angry and failing. There's a brief moment of silence before she looks up at him, her cheeks flushed, a smile lifting the corners of her lips.

"I love you too, Naoya."

He kisses her, as if to reward her, but also tickles her just as a joke, trapping her. It works, considering how she giggles against his lips and squirms, trying to escape his arms but soon giving up.

"Uugh, you take advantage of me just because I'm a 'shortie'…," She whimpers after returning the kiss. "I'm glad I found ways to knock you down, haha."

"I want you to knock me down, that's why I tease you," He smiles mischievously. "How are you going to do it now?"

Her lids droop, her brown eyes darkening again. She lifts her head enough to brush her lips against his neck, tracing his Adam's apple with her tongue and slowly sucking the skin there as she wraps her legs around his waist.

"I'll do it with words," She murmurs in a hoarse tone. "Let me ride you like a bull, c'mon."

"Ooohh," he smiles at her, after shivering with her words. "So you want me to be your bull… hehe, I like that…," he holds her breasts. "But only if you let me move like one and give you trouble."

"Even better. I'm going to love to tame this bull," She bites her lower lip with his hands on her breasts, giving him a quick peck "Do you have a condom? I brought one in my purse, but it's in the living room and I'm too lazy to get out of bed and go get it, hahaha."

"Yeah, I do," he reaches out to get his pants, and from there he removes his wallet, handing it to her. "Right here!"

"Thank you very much. Now if you excuse me...," She kisses him, and with her hands on his shoulders, she encourages him to lie down again. She goes back to holding his cock by the base, stroking it with her hand in that up and down movement that made him a little dizzy. She even went back to licking and kissing the tip to make it easier, dammit... he couldn't stay put in bed after that. Or, just that specific part. The rest lay flat, while another grew larger.

"Ohh… I really can't get enough of this, Tomoh."

"I know, that's why I can't either," She gives him a wink before covering him up and getting up, positioning herself on top of him and biting her bottom lip as she made him brush against her, threatening to fit and not doing so, just to tease him. "Are you enjoying the view?"

"Yeah... it's the best view," he smiles, keeping his hands away from her, but placing them under the torso, his eyes narrowing with the near-contact. "I love when you tease me, I can't get enough…"

She lifts her hips just enough to position herself, and then she moans softly as she sits back down, shuddering at the warm, luscious feel of him slowly entering her. "Ooh, I can't get enough of that either…!"

He hisses low at the contact, but doesn't hold her legs this time. He starts to move his hips with her on top of him. "Now… hmm… it's your turn to ride the bull, he's moving..."

She gasps when he thrusts deeper into her like that, hitting a spot that made her nearly lose her balance. She leans her hands on the headboard again, moaning and trying to keep up with the movements of his hips as she lowers and raises hers, squeezing herself in the process so it feels even better for him.

"Oooh... Let's- Let's see about that... hnnn, Naoh...!"

"Hnmmm… Tomoo ohh…," he groans, moving his hips with her. "Hmm… I can feel you taking me all the way in, oohhh…," He looked at her, his eyes seeming to devour her, while he hissed and gasped with her grips and thrusts.

“And you're going so deep, I love it so much…” She gasps, her expression a little dazed, and he watches her breasts bounce as she rides him hard, sweat trickling down her skin, her full and wavy hair disheveled, wild. Hell, what had he done to deserve such a wonderful view? He didn't know but he was loving it and he wanted her wild like that whenever she wanted to ride him.

"Ohhh… Tomori…," he bites his lip, moving his hips harder. "Hnmmmm… that's so fuckin' good… but… I want to see you…," and he takes a hand to the middle of her legs, rubbing her clit with his thumb. "I wanna see you coming for me…"

"Aaaah! I- I will, I'm almost there, almost...! Na- NaooOOH!," And she collapses on top of him, shivering all over as she squeezed him hard in those rhythmic pulses, and it was so good that she was so much smaller than him, because it felt even better that way, holy shit...!

"Ooohhh… me- me too- hhnnNNNn!," he trembles as he collapses onto the mattress with her on top of him, instinctively holding her hips as he reaches his climax, panting heavily, even rolling his eyes back in delight. He hears, from somewhere in the distance, her breathless giggle. He feels her soft, warm, sweaty body lie over his, and soon, her lips are attacking his in a hungry kiss, her chest rising and falling quickly with his.

"Hnnn... there- there we go... a duly tamed bull..."

"Moooow!," he bellows playfully, laughing out loud along with her afterwards. She gives him one more kiss before lifting her hips, pulling him out of her, and pulling out the condom for him. And she even gives one more lick and a suck on the tip to emphasize, that miniature devil. He shudders and gasps, and she smirks at him.

"You clown... lucky for you that was so good..."

"You're invited to do it more often with me," he smiles, rolling over on the bed to face down. "Come on, let's see the bathroom and then we'll take a shower so we can watch Seki's match."

“If we fit in your bathtub together, I'm up for it. Carry me?," She asks, reaching her arms to him. "My legs are still wobbly, riding you demands a lot from me."

"Don't even ask twice," he picks her up and carries her, taking her to the bathroom. "hohoho, I'm carrying you like a princess! I love it."

"I'm the King of Combat's princess then?" I love it too," She giggles, resting her head on his chest and closing her eyes, smiling satisfied. "I accept the title with all the honors that come with it. Being carried is one of them."

"No, no, princesses are too cute for what you really are," He laughs. "If I'm the King, then you have to be the Queen."

She flushed with happiness, even swinging her legs as she hugged him back.

“Okay, a Queen, then. Your queen…”

He had to stop himself from bouncing with happiness as he carried her into the bathroom. He still wanted to retain a shred of goddamn dignity!

* * *

"Damn, Naoh… your bathtub is a dream come true!," Tomori sighs while she and Okubo leave the bathroom, steam following them through the door left open. He smiles as he closes it behind him.

"Did you like it?"

"I loved it! It was like walking into a private bath house where no one makes a fuss about my tattoo,” She smiles at him over her shoulder, finishing wrapping herself in the fluffy towel. His expression becomes insinuating.

"And where we won't be kicked out if we decide to play in there a little. All pros and no cons," He approaches and bends down, moving her wet hair away to smell the nape of her neck, making her shiver. "You can bathe in it whenever you want."

"Hnnn… and what is the fee?"

"Your cookies, your kisses... and whatever else you want to give me," And he takes a bite on her warm and fragrant skin, making her shudder and laugh, moving away from him by slapping his hand.

"You're very easy to please, aren't you?"

"Yeah, that's how lucky you are! Almost as much as I am..."

"Stop it, you...," She laughs and gasps when he grabs her by the hips, pulling her to smell and kiss her neck. "That way we'll end up in an endless sex-bath cycle, again and again..".

“You say it like it's a bad thing."

"It's not, but I really don't want to lose Mr. Seki's match. C'mon, don't make that face," She asks when he frowns. "I already told you that you have no reason to be jealous..."

"What? ... Oh no, that's not it," He shakes his head after a few seconds of confusion. "I was just remembering something and I got thoughtful..."

"Can I know what it is or is this another one of your secrets?"

"No…," He scratches the back of his head, looking to the side in sudden embarrassment. "​​I can talk about it, but it's just… it's kinda ridiculous, to be honest."

"Look, I think we've already reached the intimacy stage where ridiculous situations are part of the package," She argues. "We've moved on from there. I promise I won't make fun of it... too much."

He rolls his eyes, trying not to smile too much when she laughs.

"I would be worried about you if you didn't make fun of it. Anyway...," He shakes his head. "Remember that time when I was trying to win you back after my fuck-up? With the gifts and everything..."

She raises her eyebrows a little, nodding slowly.

"Kinda hard to forget. First the chocolate box, then half a flower shop's stock..."

"And you liked it, you can stop with the exasperated tone," He snorts. "But anyway, the chocolate and the flowers… they weren't the first gifts I bought for you. There's another one... and you can use one of them if you like. They're comfortable..."

"Huh?," She blinks, momentarily confused. And then her eyes widen a little when she understands. "Wait, you – you bought me clothes?"

“Uh… yes?," It was supposed to come out as a statement, but it came out more like a question, given the slight nervousness.

"In plural?"

"Yeaaaah...?"

"Aah… oh, Naoh…," She blushes a bit, scratching an arm. "I… oh, damn, I don't want to sound ungrateful, I swear I'm happy about it, but… how much did they cost?"

He frowns, a little sullen.

“Hey, hey, you don't ask the price of a gift given from the heart."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry, I...," She ends up sighing. "Anyway, why didn't you give them to me before, in that case?"

"Well… I was going to, but the guys warned me that it might be… inappropriate," He gestures uncertainly. "Under the circumstances, at least."

She blinks again. And then her eyes widened even more, her checks blushing even harder, and this time it wasn't hard for Okubo to read her expression.

"It's not lingerie or anything like that!," he exclaims, alarmed, and she immediately relaxes, taking a deep breath in relief.

"Oooh, good… but what else would be considered inappropriate, in that case?," She asks, and it's his turn to blush. He wets his lips and turns to his closet.

"Yeah, I think you'd better see for yourself..."

He opens the door, allowing her a brief glimpse of the various shelves drawers, the hangers and the items of clothing they hold, the shoes, the baseball caps and various boxes containing sporting equipment before he closes the door behind him. He leaves about half a minute later, carrying a pile of T-shirts, looking a little mortified.

"Okay... first of all, promise you won't get mad at me?"

“I… I don't know if I can promise something like that, so I'll just promise I'll try,” She says after hesitating, to which he sighs.

"Fair enough... here, they're all the same size, so if they don't fit... oh no, the refund deadline has already expired, so it doesn't even matter," He sighs again, more dramatically, and Tomori just can't contain herself.

"Damn, now I'm more curious than worried! Let me see this..."

She picks up the top T-shirt from the pile and unfolds it. She is expressionless for about a second. Then her jaw drops.

"Oh, God..."

"Yeah…," he pouted. "I bought some shirts printed with my face from the store, because well, you're my fan, and I thought if I gave you some… but the guys said…," and he stopped, looking at her. "What's with that face, Tomoh?"

“… It's- It's just that I…,” She starts to say, not seeming to know how to continue. She turns the T-shirt over, checking the back of it and showing him his own face, in profile and smiling, stamped there in a scale of white and gray. She clenches her mouth, holding back a farting sound. "I… I kinda already have one of these, hahaha!"

"... Oh," he sighs. "Okay, I didn't see that coming. So does that mean you like it?"

"Of course!," She exclaims, clearly more relaxed, and that was a tremendous relief. "I mean, if you'd given me that back then, I would've found you very audacious," She admits, but without stopping smiling. "But now… damn, why I wouldn't like it? You gave me the entire collection!," She leaves the shirt aside and goes to inspect the others, excited. "Do you want me to wear one of them, then?"

"Well, they are kind of tailored for you, I think," he says, without much idea in his head. "I hope I got the size right and it's not too tight."

"Let me see…," She removes the towel, allowing him to have his favorite view for a few seconds before putting on one of the shirts. She opens her arms, smiling, showing his own face on her chest. "Yeah, it fits! How do I look?"

"Just like Donald Duck," he laughs. "Wearing a shirt and nothing else."

“Uh… aaah, you jerk!," She hides the middle of her legs with her hands, turning red again, while he bursts out laughing. "If I knew how to make a Donald Duck impression, I'd tell you everything you deserve to hear in his voice!"

"Hahahah, and who said I didn't like it?," Okubo smiles. "You look great in it. If it was up to me, you'd watch the match like this. It would make my job easier later..."

She puffs out her cheeks, still flushed.

"Pervert... I'll wear at least one pair of pajama shorts. Can you imagine me jumping up and down and screaming while my lady bits are ventilated? No, thanks!," She lets him have one more fit of laughter before continuing, smiling knowingly. "But you sure don't play around, huh. Wanting me to watch another one of my idols fight while wearing your face on my chest... they call it 'marking territory', right?"

"Oh, come on," he laughs again. "It's not like you're making a fool of yourself for wearing my face on your clothes… except if it was in front of an audience."

"I know I'm not. But I'd only wear it in front of an audience if you were also wearing something like that, so we can even it out," She jokes.

"Hmmm…," He has an idea. "I think I know exactly what I can do! Wait a minute," he walks into the closet and closes the door. About a minute later, he speaks from inside. "Ready, Tomoh?"

 “I have no idea what for, but sure,” She nods, looking curiously at the door.

"Okay, there you go!," he walks out the door, and there he is, dressed from head to toe as a clown. "Ta-daaaa," he waves his gloved hands, smiling, joking around.

"Uh- Ooooh, my God!," She scratches like a crow, laughing and then pointing. "It's a Kuidaore Taro costume! I can't believe you have something like this, hahahaha!"

"Well, this is a new version, but yes, I do," he scratches the back of his neck. "I wore it in the last tournament I participated in, the guys even encouraged me… but nobody recognized me and that sucked," He sighs. "But it's fine, at least my number one fan recognized it and that's enough for me."

"How could I not recognize it? I baked a whole batch of cookies with his face the second time you visited the bakery, remember? Oh, my Gohohohod...," She bends over herself, still laughing. "All that's missing is the little drum and the drumsticks! Oooh man, I have to take a picture, wait!," And she runs out of the room, with her ass still out.

"Okay, now I'm feeling kinda weird watching you run with your ass out like a nutcase. I want to see more, but I'm dressed as a clown and it's distracting me from my cosplay! My God, that's so fucking perverted, ahahhahaha," He stifles a laugh.

"Dude, control yourself, you have to maintain the character! Come here, the lighting in the living room is better," She calls, and when he goes, she's wearing tiny silk shorts, her phone already in her hand. "Okay, can you concentrate better now?"

"Awwww…," he pouted, and in that costume, it looked like someone had hurt the clown's feelings. "Now I'm bummed, I wanted to keep this mental image of you being cute and sexy in my living room…"

"Naoya, look at the size of these pajama shorts! Only the complete set can be sexier than that," She slaps her own ass, laughing. "You'll see for yourself later. Come on, you don't want to appear in the photo with your 'circus tarp' all set up, do you? Hehehahaha!"

"Damn, that'd be one hell of a weird porn… but I'm not going to do that. Okay, if you're taking a pic, what pose should I do?"

"The classic 'playing drums' pose would be perfect, but I don't think you have the drum or the sticks... Oooh, I know, do a super sentai pose, it'll look funny!," She puts the phone horizontally. And relax, I won't" show it to anyone, it'll just be for me to keep as a souvenir. You look so cute, my God...!," she coos, and it didn't sound mocking. Hell, what had he done to deserve that woman?

He smiles. "Okay then, how about Ultraman's pose, like this?," he raises one arm and flexes the other, leaving his legs apart. "Then I'll open my best Kuidaore smile, just like this…," he smiles.

She laughs out loud and snaps the photo. And then another one hits. And other. And yet another, all of it non stop laughing, varying angles, herself seeming to strike poses in her excitement.

"That's perfect! Now flex your muscles... yes, just like that!," She was approving, and then she runs to him, hugging him from the side. "Wow, I can even see 'em through the costume! Lookin' gooood..."

"And it's all yours," He smiles. "Well, how about if I do this…?," He flexes his arms downwards, making them appear under the costume, and still looking smiling like an idiot, to Tomori's delight. "Yeah, now how about a-," He cuts himself off when he hears the doorbell ring "Oh".

She stops laughing, looking a little startled at the door.

"Oh, are- are you expecting someone? Who is that-"

"HEEEY, IS ANYBODY HOME?!," A thundering voice is heard from the other side of the door. "Is this where someone ordered a half margherita, half Florentine pizza, to match the owner's egg head?"

Tomori's eyes widen. "Rihito?"

"What the…!," he blinks. "I didn't invite him over…," He goes to the door and answers it. "Hey, Rihito, you could've told me you were coming, man!," He stops halfway to open the door when he sees Himuro and Kaneda. "Oh, you guys came too…," and he opens his mouth in astonishment when he notices the seven feet tall man right behind them. "Agito?!"

"Huh?," Tomori frowns, approaching to try to see behind Okubo's body. She could see Rihito, Himuro, Kaneda and... holy crap, who was that giant man right behind them?!

"Can you believe it, dude? Rihito ran into him when he was leaving Yamashita's office and…," Himuro was about to say, but he was interrupted as he looked him up and down, making a slightly perplexed expression. "What's with the costume?"

"And… Miss Uta? You're here?!," Kaneda widens his eyes when he notices Tomori, right behind Okubo. Rihito widens his eyes too, looking from her to the bald man, stopping to analyze the situation... and then making a face that was a mixture of horror and disgust.

"Holy shit, what the hell were you two doing in here?!"

The couple turns extremely red. An awkward silence falls over the group for a few moments. And that's when the huge man right behind the other three idiots, with slicked back dark hair, sunken eyes without eyebrows and wearing biker attire, finally speaks.

"Hnnn… is this what Narushima Koga calls 'bad timing'?"

NEXT CHAPTER

[spacehippieface]

I made a bunch of predictions from the announcement and up to the release of The Super Mario Bros Movie, some joking, some half-serious, some for real, and now that the movie’s out, I figured it was time to fully revisit them and see how I fared. SPOILERS AHEAD. I might get review-y.

The Toads will act like Minions and dominate all marketing and merchandise. JOSSED. The Toads are just people. Just mushroom people living their lives in Toad Town.

Bowser will be voiced by an unfitting former A-lister trying to reinvent himself. JOSSED. I’M SO SORRY, I WAS SO BITTER AND WRONG.

He will make jokes and references which will leave the movie dated upon arrival. JOSSED. He is both menacing AND a dork, and it works! His love ballad in the top 100 on iTunes is proof enough there.

The trailers and TV spots will feature copious usage of Van Halen’s Jump. However, this will not be in the movie or its soundtrack album, instead replaced with a vague cover version by Pharrell Williams. JOSSED. The trailers mostly used Black Hydra’s Super Mushroom. The actual licensed pop songs used in the movie were....well, interesting. Choices were certainly made.

The film will perform moderately well at the box office in Europe and America, but will be banned in China and Russia due to a 30 second sequence involving Birdo in a fashion show set to Born This Way. YES AND NO. Birdo is nowhere to be seen, but so far the film is doing VERY well. Russia haven't got it at all, but they're not getting anything new or nice until they stop being dicks in Ukraine.

Despite lacklustre reviews, it will eventually attain a cult following akin to Shrek and include a subculture of people who unironically really want to fuck Kamek. YES AND NO. Critics are slamming it, but fans are having a fine time! However it’s not necessarily Kamek people are eyeing up, but Bowser, when they’re not shipping him with Luigi. Or possibly even when they are.

Before going to the Mushroom Kingdom, Mario and Luigi are going to have some sort of big argument or estrangement, leading them to be separated for the bulk of the movie, only to realise they needed each other and reunite for the final battle with Bowser. YES AND NO. They are separated, yes, and do reunite in the third act, but there's no estrangement. Far from it. Their brotherly bond is just so important to them, and saving Luigi is Mario’s sole motivation on his adventure. They're lost without each other and that's just so sweet. “Nothing can hurt us as long as we’re together”, indeed. 

Bowser will kidnap Peach as a last ditch power grab when whatever’s happening with the Stars goes sour. KIND OF? Bowser only wanted the Super Star in the first place so Peach would be impressed enough to marry him, and when just having the Star doesn’t work out, he manipulates her into marriage by threatening Toad, and by extension all the other Toads. A kidnapping by coercion if you will.

There’ll be a market chase sequence, where Mario will pass Waluigi who’ll let out a long Charles Martinet voiced “waaaaah” and look knowingly at the camera for an uncomfortable few seconds. JOSSED. This is a Waluigi-free zone.

Alternatively, there’ll be a post-credit scene back in Brooklyn where we see Wario, voiced by Charles Martinet, picking his nose and declaring it to be a keeper while Waluigi cleans the toilet in a maid costume and discovers a pipe to the Mushroom Kingdom. JOSSED. That is NOT what we get in the stinger. I still kind of want to see it though, I think it’s a damn funny image.

That classic Super Mario Bros overworld theme is going to be used a lot. Like, we’ll all be sick of it by the end of the movie. YES AND NO. It IS used a lot, but not overbearingly so. There are a lot of other musical nods and motifs from the games, from SMB 1 to Odyssey and then some. The GameCube noise was very nice to hear too. Brian Tyler did a fantastic job on the score.

There’ll be a Minion on the Illumination title card who eats a mushroom and grows too big for the screen. Alternatively, it’ll be a small group of Minions doing an acapella version of the end of level theme. YES AND NO. We do see a Minion, but he’s in a kart ready for a race. I wasn’t expecting that one.

[onetimetwotimesthreetimess]

im ready for this angst train let go

“I’m sleeping. I’m sleeping.” The boy says urgently and clutches the covers more tightly.

rafael is so me-coded i used to do this all the time but im the worst actor ever lmaooooo

Alec leans closer and sits in Magnus's lap, both his legs on either side of him. He grabs Magnus's face gently and kisses his nose.

my fav aesthetic, so domestic. can u imagine all that long limbs trying to fit in tho? alec my tallest smol bby

He strokes Magnus's cheeks softly, letting him get away with whatever he’s hiding and replies. “And what happened in this dream where I’m 70% less attractive. Are we still married?”

“Sadly. Apparently it's the heart I was in for.” Magnus rests his head against Alec's chest and focuses on his heartbeat.

alec's costume for halloween gonna be his ratty sweater + acid green socks + a board with 80% less attractive carved on it cuz it gonna be most scary for magnus

Max tilts his head upwards at Alec and pouts again. Alec kisses his head and peers at magnus. “Magnus, you weren't here yesterday morning. You were in LA.”

ominous music start playing in the background

Alec grins and drags Magnus to the bathroom where Alec thoroughly clears his brain of any secondary thoughts other than his amazing mouth on him.

now this, remind me of several fic ideas in draft, not gonna state which one though

“I know. But it’s revenge for all the weird heterosexual things I had to witness back in the day.” Alec's grin can be heard through the phone.

alec be the pettiest bitch in the planet and i will still support him i support alec rights i support alec wrong

“Alec, Alec, Alec, please stop. Stop dying on me.” Magnus begs as he lays his head on Alec's chest.

hello 911 this sentence right here

im gagging over all the time magnus fail to save alec like its getting bad for me but i love this trope idk idk sue me idc

He spends the entire day on the beach where Alec and he got married and only came back to Jace’s call, screaming and crying. He runs to his husband and mutters apologies over apologies in his ears.

why do i love this type of angst so much, like regret and desperation mixing together in a perfect miserable bowl

Magnus doesn't find out who it is before the night ends. Every single one of them fails at protecting Alec and Magnus screams loud enough to flood the entire city of New York.

Before the city can drown, Magnus wakes up again with Alec peppering kisses across his face.

this sentence *chef kiss*

He closes his eyes and puts one step inside, ignoring the loud “Magnus, no,” from behind.

cant believe magnus making this dumbass move is totally in character for him actually

Max lets out an ugly chuckle. “I’m not weak like you, Bapak.”

now i dont know about you but if i say this to my parent hell gonna break loose doesn't matter how much mistakes my parent made they gonna sweep the floor with my ass

He can get power and maybe his family back. Magnus can have the life he deserves back. Shadow world can go to hell for Magnus cares.

i dont give a fvck magnus in a bit problematic era is valid and i support him

“The butterflies are supposed to be Blue.” Magnus looks at his hands and they have turned almost black now with anger but he doesn’t care who he destroys today.

smart and feral magnus is the most sexy magnus, carved this into the accord @ alec lightwood-bane

Magnus snaps his fingers and a dagger appears in his hand. He pushes the sword in Alec's hands forcefully. “How about you try it Alec? Plunge the sword into me and kill me” He screams.

mister this is a mcdonald drive through pls staph STAPH

“I wish I had never fucking met you, Alexander. That you never knocked on my door that night.” Magnus exhales. “Every single one of my nightmare is related to you. I wouldn't be in all this pain if not for you.”

this is pain but all i can think about is alec's mind yelling the entire chorus of antihero after he heard magnus said this. god's timing always right. now, shrek forever after!au when magnus's magic accidentally reacts to his outburst and re-set the timeline to when alec never met magnus. someone writes this

He wants to turn the shadowhunter into a toad.

“I will drown you in a pool of ducks.”

“Shut up.” Jace says even though he looks scared at the prospect.

the only brother in law that matter

“I thought you’d freak out if you wake up in our room again. So when I woke up this morning, I got you here.” Alec explains.

very virgo of him to do so

“You said a bad word yesterday, daddy.” Max explains.

they gonna have a cuss jar in the near feature arent they

Alec follows through on his promise this time.

but he wont be able to 70 years from now on- JK HAHA thats my alter ego talking love is fine love is great love is infinite i love love

great work as always your magnus angst always magnificent

Thank you. Thank you. My Magnus angst is the reason I can get through life.

I love how your thoughts go from A to Q in 0.06 seconds. It’s like watching a genius work in real time.

This fic was so fun to write because it was absolutely unhinged. I got to write soft Magnus, Magnus in his unhinged era, angry Magnus, sad, desperate Magnus. It’s like Magnus x10000.

Also yes, Alec making himself small in Magnus’s lap is such a soft aesthetic🥺

me getting 7 more fic ideas only from your reactions alone lol.

[bugsick2]

i want to bite my bfs nose off and bake it in the oven

[here-there-were-dragons]

spamton is a funny horrible little bastard that exudes pure slime and sleaze. if spamton had a canon voice it would be some utterly hellish choppily bitcrushed hackjob combination of rocket raccoon, king candy, the clown from the animaniacs episode “clown and out”, bill cipher, and that horrible little demon rumplestiltskin from shrek 4, intercut with random clips of big shot autos and youtube poops. spamton has stolen someone’s gender twice and the half his personality that isnt pure concentrated essence of scumbag is obsession with becoming a pink mecha with built-in makeup because he saw mettaton once and got gender envy. the only emotions he still has the capacity to feel are hatred, hatred 2, hatred-misery flavor, and several forms of rage available only to birds and chihuahuas. spamton has rabies and every disease including several bird ones at once and is only alive because they’re all too busy fighting eachother. spamton is on a heartstopping amount of crack at all times. spamton has liead so much his nose is longer than his legs (to suck up crack more efficiently) and and spamton impales people with it. spamton looks like the guy from saw mated with a trollface. spamton is catholic but the g stands for god is dead. spamton would take candy from a baby. spamton would take a baby. spamton would get into black market organ sales. spamton spends his entire time onscreen remorselessly manipulating teenagers to get them to let him try to murder them or selling them sadistic torure-rings to get them to commit genocide and calling a teenage girl a hoochi mama multiple times. spamton is literally just flowey/chara without the power to act on the isolation-induced genocidal childmurder hate. spamton is a spam email gjinka. spamton looks like every single homestuck character at once. spamton says fuck. i guarantee “little sponge” is just toby didn’t think he could get away with calling kris a little shit. spamton is not smiling, it’s more like “i’m showing you the things i’m going to use to rip out your fucking jugular if you don’t give me your kromer right now bitch i’ll kill you I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU”. spamton is old man mcgucket if he used to be a used car salesman and when opening the back door of any establishment one must be careful to shoo away the wild spamton and it’s miniature clones with a broom lest it drop to all fours and hiss at you like a raccoon. spamton is the deltarune universe’s cut-me-own-throat dibbler. if the deltarune timeline of internet development was anything like the real world spamton is pushing 50. spamton sold cars but never had a driver’s license. spamton is either dark mettaton or mettaton 10 years from now after his mtt-tv brand falls apart. spamton’s parents are the guy in the kirby anime and ea-nasir. spamton has a typing quirk. spamton looks and sounds like the vengeful ghost of a woodpecker that drowned in a hair gel factory accident. there is a disturbingly large chance that spamton mpreg is canon. spamton would sell cryptocurrency

did i mention half of his attacks are throwing his implied mpreg spawn at you

[belphies-cuhm-sluht]

STORY TIME!!

So, when I was in middle school I was going through my weird emo phase, not the emo phase I’m going through now, but the weird one where I thought I was super cool, it was wack… but anyway

There was this kid who used to make fun of me a whole bunch for being weird, we’ll call him Max. So, Max was an absolute douche bag, and he wasn’t even cool either, he was just an asshole and he’d constantly throw things at me and fuck with me from the second I walked through the doors until I got on my bus for three whole years because I had the constant misfortune of having classes with him the entirety of middle school.

So, fast forward a little, it’s the last week of school, 8th grade, I’m so happy to be getting out that bitch, but Max decides to do his shit just a little longer. Bro won’t quit, so he’s throwing shit at me, mocking me, being a real piece of shit. It’s Language Arts class, we’re just watching Shrek, but bro says I look like an uglier version of Fiona (fuck you Max she was hot btw) and I’m just like “bruh fuck this kid” so I get up, and I walk over to his desk, and I grab a handful of bros hair and slam his face against the desk.

I got a round of applause, the kids shook, kinda crying, everyone’s cheering for me, my teacher just shrugs it off because he’s seen this shit been going on for a while. Kids nose is kinda bloody, he ends up going to a completely different high school just to be away from me, makes sense, I didn’t want to be near him either.

So now fast forward 10 years, and I’m on Tinder (yes I know it’s gross, ew 2 me) and I come across dude and I swipe right just for the hell of it, little did I know he swiped right on me too 🤢

Then he messages me and he’s like “I feel like I know you from somewhere??” And like, obviously I’m not gonna lie and say he didn’t know me because I fucking hate this guy, so I’m like “yeah, we went to school together, we went to [redacted]”

And he’s like “ooooh, did we have classes together?” Like bitch, you might have forgotten but I fucking didn’t. So I’m like “yup. We had a lot of classes together.” And he was like “oh cool, what classes? Did we hang out?” LIKE BITCH???!!!! And I was like “all of our classes?? And no…” and he’s like “oh no way? I remember some classes. Were you in my eighth grade LA class?” And I was like “yup.” And he was like “oh man, so do you remember that crazy bitch that slammed my face against my desk? She was crazy.”

Queue me laughing my ass off behind the phone screen and I’m fucking dying and I can barely see the letters on my screen while I’m typing and I’m like “yeah, I remember.” And he’s like “can you believe everyone just laughed?! She could have killed me.” Like full on over exaggerating because I didn’t even slam his face down as hard as I wanted to. But then I’m like “bro… bro that was me… you made my middle school years hell. You deserved it.”

And then he told me to go fuck myself and blocked me. Which was great. Bro tried to get pity from the bitch he tortured, I fucking CACKLED!

Still can’t believe he didn’t remember me, I guess my makeup skills got better but still. I’ve never laughed so hard in my life.

The end

[leossmoonn]

hi can i have a shrek x reader where the reader finds out shrek is cheating on them with fiona and the reader beats fiona and shrek up? but then shrek shows up to her swamp and then shrek wins her over again? thank you

ah yes. this is my favorite request ive ever gotten.

masterlist

pairing - shrek x gn!reader

type - angst, fluff

warnings / includes - cheating, language, kissing, mentions of sex, physical fighting

————

*gif isn’t mine*

“Shrek, I’m ho—”

Your jaw dropped to the floor and the bags in your hand dropped to the floor.

“What. The. Hell!?” You shrieked.

Shrek looked at you, doing a double take before throwing Fiona off of him.

“Shrek! Wha—” Fiona started to say, but then she say you.

Your hands were balled in fists as you looked back between the two. Your teeth were grinding against each other, your whole body hot and shaking with anger.

“Oh. Uh, h-hi, Y/n,” Fiona smiled at you sheepishly.

“YOU SLUT!” You screamed, grabbing the dead slugs you gathered for dinner and throwing them at Fiona.

“Ew!” Fiona whined. “Y/n, Y/n, Y/n. Let’s talk about this, eh?” Shrek suggested, quickly wrapping the blanket around his waist.

“Talk about what? How’re you’re screwing this good-for-nothing, spoiled brat in our bed? She’s not even in ogre form!?” You exclaimed.

“Oh, that’s what you’re worried about?” Shrek snickered.

You glared at him, launching yourself on him. You threw him against the wall, punching him in the face.

“Ow! Y/n, stop!” Shrek pleaded.

“No. You. Filthy. Pig.” You said as you punched him.

“Get off of my man!” Fiona exclaimed, grabbing your arm and pulling you off of Shrek.

You turned to her, scoffing. “Your man? Your man? You are one delusional bitch.” You then winded back your arm, your fist coming in contact with her nose in one fluid motion. You heard her scream and a few bones crack, making your smirk in satisfaction.

You grabbed her bra strap, flinging her across the room and to the wall. You stomped over to her, taking her by the throat and lifting her up.

“You take one more step near me and my swamp again, and I’ll fucking kill you.”

You then turned to Shrek who was nursing his broken nose. “And you. Never show your face in my home again, otherwise I’ll have Dragon burn you to a crisp.”

You then threw Fiona down, taking your dinner and walking out of the door. You heard Shrek’s calls but you ignored them, knowing that if you looked back, you would just forgive him. You walked back to your swamp, crying all the way and collapsing on your couch as soon as you got into your little house.

“Hey, Y/nnnn, I—” Donkey sang as he trotted into the door, but stopped as he saw you sobbing on your couch.

“Oh, baby, what’s wrong?” He asked, running over to you.

“It-It’s Shrek. He ch-cheated on me with Fi-Fi-Fi—” You couldn’t even say her name without bursting into tears.

Donkey frowned and nuzzled his head into your neck, sighing as he didn’t like to see his best friend hurt.

“Shrek is an idiot, Y/n, but he loves you. Not her.”

“Bullshit,” you mumbled.

“No, it’s not.” Shrek’s voice sounded from your door.

You looked at him in shock, scrambling off the couch. Your sadness turned into anger as you grabbed a candle and waved it in front of his face.

“Donkey! Call Dragon!” You demanded.

“I-I don’t think that’s—”

“DO IT!” You screamed.

“O-Oh, alright. I’ll brb,” Donkey laughed nervously, going out your back door.

You then turned to Shrek, who had an apologetic smile on his face with flowers and some mudpie.

“Get out before Dragon comes,” you warned.

“No. I’m here to apologise,” he said.

“Oh, since when do you apologise,” you scoffed.

“Since now. I’m so—”

“I said GET OUT OF MA SWAMP!” You screamed, throwing the candle to his head.

He caught it with ease, throwing it behind him.

“Y/n, I’m sorry, I am. I-I don’t know what came over me. I don’t love Fiona, I don’t even like her. I love you. So, please, can we just talk about this? Over dinner? I brought mudpie and daisies,” he held up the objects.

You looked at him, his words tugging on your heartstrings. You sighed, stepping out of the way so he could come inside.

“Fine. But you better now make me regret this,” you glared.

“I won’t, love.”

————

like and reblog!

add yourself to the taglist here

[supercorpkid]

What the hell, you’re in hell.

Part 2 of T is for Trauma - The Series

Supercorp, Kara Danvers x Daughter!Reader, Lena Luthor x Daughter!Reader

Word count: 2040.

Warnings: kidnapping. Injuries. Angst.

Previously on the series – part 1

Things have not yet fallen into place with your moms. Of course that, as a family, sometimes you all say things you didn’t actually give too much consideration and end up kind of hurting each other’s feelings on the way. Most of the time, there’s a big apology, hugging and crying. You haven’t done any of those things during the night, and in the morning, you were kind of late for school so you didn’t have time to talk to them. To be fair, you didn’t even see them since your big blow out.

So, after school you say goodbye to Jamie, and decide to walk to L Corp. Since people are now paying more attention to the sky, you don’t want any more pictures of you flying around for a while. You don’t know how your momma pulls off not being recognized just by using glasses and a ponytail, but you sense you might not be able to do the same.

You’re on your way to L Corp to finally talk to Lena. You know that you hurt Kara too, but you did worse with Lena saying you didn’t expect better from her. That was shitty of you, and you know it.

Sure, there were also a bunch of things that you said that were totally true. Now that you think about it, you were only trying to convince yourself that you didn’t care that they never show up at your science fair, physics decathlon, or anywhere else in the school aside from the principal’s office to hear something bad about you. You don’t know why they stopped doing that when you got older, but not seeing their proud and loving face in a sea of people that hate you, really did a number on you.

Jamie has obviously noticed that this was the reason you left in the middle of the event, and she went all therapist Olsen on you and told you, you should tell them the truth. Tell them it hurts, that you miss them there, and apologize for saying it so aggressively.

So, your plan is talking to Lena first, and then buying some donuts and flying to CatCo right after, so you can talk to Kara. You could never know none of these plans would come true.

You’re walking, when you pass a black van parked close to the sidewalk and you feel something burning in your body. That’s so weird, you’ve only felt like this once. And only when you’re shot with a Kryptonite bullet.

You try to run, but your legs feel wobbly, and you can’t go very far before your legs give in and you fall on the ground. You look behind you, to a guy leaving the van, and going towards you. You take off your glasses to see inside the van, but you can’t see anything.

“Lex was right, Kryptonite always works.” You hear when the guy is in front of you, but you can’t see his face, it is covered with a black mask. You know they have kryptonite, but you have to call your momma for help. You put your hand on the watch and he notices your movement. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you, child.” He easily lifts you up by the wrist, and takes the watch out.

He is not just a normal guy. You can see by the way he lifts you up like you weigh nothing. He either has super strength or some other kind of power.

“What do you want from me?” You manage to ask and he laughs right at your face. He walks back to the van, you’re still hanging a few feet off the ground, by the wrist. You look around to see if no one is seeing this clearly evil person carrying a girl to a black van, and your answer is that no one is. And the ones that are, certainly don’t care.

“Why would I want anything from a child?” He throws you in the van and you look around to see the kryptonite. It’s so close to you now, that you feel the burn going inside your bloodstream, and you whimper.

You look outside at the man’s hand, and you see him dropping your watch on the ground. He was smart, not to take it with him, ‘cause Kara could track you with it. Your hand goes instinctively to your necklace, as long as you still have that, Lena can track you.

“What do you have there?” One of the other guys notices your hand and tries to take it away from you. You fight, punching him with all the strength you have left, and he falls back with a hand on his nose. But you can’t fight all three of them, not while being exposed to Kryptonite. So, they snatch the necklace out of your neck and dump it on the street.

“No, please, no. It’s just a necklace, it’s my grandmother’s necklace, please.” You cry out, but they take no pity. They close the van and drive you away for good.

You want to take the high road, you really do. You want to go quietly and pretend that you don’t care about the fact that you’re being kidnapped right now, but if there’s a slight chance that Kara can hear your cry for help, then you don’t really care about taking the high road.

So you cry and you scream. You do everything you can to get help before you’re taken to Rao knows where, but help doesn’t come.

You try to use your x-ray vision to know where they are taking you, but, and you can’t believe you’re thinking this, these kidnappers are kind of smart, because they covered the van in lead, so you can’t see out, and Supergirl can’t see in.

“So you work for Lex Luthor. Why is he sending people to kidnap me?” You scoff, with not so much strength left in you.

“I don’t work for Lex!” He yells looking extremely offended by your insinuation. “He simply gave me some ideas, but I’M the brain of this operation.”

“Ok. Then what do you want from me?” You ask again, not satisfied with the last answer. “If you want to fight, stop the car and I’ll fight you!”

“No offense, but I can’t fight you. You’re like twelve.” Offense very much taken, excuse him. “I can’t fight a kid. And I don’t want to anyways, I want Supergirl.”

“Why?” You should’ve known. You always knew someday you would get into serious trouble because some evil jackasses are trying to get to your momma, but right now? While you’re in the middle of a fight with her?

“You’re too young to understand!”

“I’m not too young!” He scoffs like he is sure you’re twelve and you huff. “I’m sixteen!”

“Boss, you said we were kidnapping a kid.” Says one of the other men, looking at you in shock.

“It’s not my fault she looks so young.”

“So you’re ok with kidnapping a kid, but not a teenager?” You ask one of the guys and he looks back at you.

“Shut up, I think you broke my nose, you stupid shit!”

You open your eyes, and look around. You don’t remember closing your eyes in the first place, so it is very surprising when you open them and find yourself in a low light lit room. The only thing you see clear is a chair, and the ‘brain of the operation’ in it.

“Hello child.”

You want to punch his face so badly, but you can’t. They have you wrapped in chains with kryptonite in the middle. It burns so much you can’t even get up from where you’re lying on the floor.

“How long do you think it will take for Supergirl to find you?” He mocks and you try to use your x-ray vision to find out where you are, but it’s all made of lead. “I do think we made it too hard for her. She can’t track you. She can’t see through lead… I wonder if she will find you before the kryptonite kills you because of over-exposure.”

“Let me go.” You grunt, your voice almost gone and you hear laughter in response.

“Your mother put me in jail for years. I had a child too, you see. Now he is a man, and wants nothing to do with me.”

“Is there where you met Lex?”

“Why are you so interested in Lex Luthor? Oh, yeah. He is your mom’s arch enemy” He tilts his head to look at you. “I told him all about my hate for the Supers, so he gave me some ideas. And I guess he was right. I mean, just look at you. You look like you’re dying and I didn’t even have to hurt you.”

“You shouldn’t follow Lex’s footsteps. He is sentenced for a lifetime.”

“I thought you were dying, but you are way too talkative for someone who’s dying. Should I black you out again?”

“Supergirl will find me and you’re going back to jail to keep Lex company for the rest of your lives.” You growl between your teeth.

“I might. Or you might die first and I’ll have the last laugh. I guess we'll see.” He walks to where you are. “I must say, it’s an incredibly powerful feeling to make a Kryptonian bleed.” He stomps on your head, and you see nothing after that.

When you wake up again, you can taste the blood on your mouth. You feel weak and nauseated, and your ears are ringing loudly. You don’t open your eyes, because you also hear muffled voices. It’s hard for you to make up the conversation with the constant noise in your ear. You focus on the conversation, and try to forget the pain you’re feeling.

“She’s totally green. Look at her. She looks like Shrek.” Laughter. “Maybe she died already?”

Nope, still pretty much alive and suffering, thank you.

“Maybe coming to Gotham was a little much. Supergirl will never find her.”

Gotham? Fuck. He is right, your momma might not find you before you die of over-exposure.

“I’m so bored. Let’s go grab something to eat. She’s either dead or dying, so who cares?”

Well, he is right. You are dying.

You open one eye, the one that was not directly stepped on, and you see you’re indeed alone. Ok, you’re dying, but you’re not dead yet. What can you do?

There’s not much in the dim lit room, or at least not a lot you can make out with your one watery eye, anyway. There is one thing, only one thing that can help you. An old radio system. The best kind.

You force yourself up. Your head is heavy and you barely can’t leave it up. You can’t stand up, so you crawl to it. The taste of blood is strong on your mouth, your stomach is twisting and growling inside, you know you’re minutes away from throwing up all over yourself and passing out again.

You open the radio, you’re not even sure how, do you still have super strength? Is it just poorly made? It doesn’t matter, the only thing that matters right now is that you are able to pass your location to someone.

- - . .. -

-- .. -- .- -.

You press the button a few times and close the shell again, crawling back to the place you were, and laying down while panting because of the pain and the effort. You close your eye, and pray to Rao your message is received by them. You pray they’re looking for you. And you pray you don’t die before telling them you’re sorry for all the things you said, and that you love them more than anything in the universe.

It doesn’t take long until you hear the men coming back to where you are. You stay completely still, and even hold your breath to make sure they don’t notice anything.

“See, I told you. Dumb girl didn’t even move. She dead, man.”

She ISN’T dead. But if she gets out of this, you might be, you stupid shit.

[papipopsicle]

AFTERTASTE PART SIX

Pairing: Archie Andrews X Short!Reader

Genre: fluff and some angst

Summary: In which two best friends since childhood test whether sex and friendship can co-exist without causing conflict. Including OC's Flick and Cherry, a bisexual and lesbian in a sapphic relationship who are best friends of Y/N.

Song: Wildflower by 5 Seconds of Summer

Warnings: a high probability for swearing

Words: 1.7K

MASTERLIST

feedback is always appreciated

     "LEONARDO, MICHELANGELO!" An eleven year old Y/N Robins called from her porch door, impatiently tapping a food bowl against the wooden frame she leant against. Behind her, the sun was setting and painted the sky a gorgeous array of pinks and oranges, sweeping together like watercolours. She looked out on the street impatiently, finding its sleeping state both calming and unnerving. Elm Street was never noisy, but after three years of living there, the girl had realised it wasn't a place of silence either.

And she was completely right. A distant, yet soft, meow grew ever closer, finally appearing around the side of a bush. Y/N grinned, affectionately calling out for the birman to go find his dinner, "C'mere Angelo, that's it boy!"

He trotted past her up into the house where his found his dinner waiting.

"Leo!" Her small voice called out as loud as it could into the cool evening air. He had wandered off earlier that same day to enjoy the Riverdale summer heat elsewhere, and the Robins family didn't think anything of it. Just as her mouth opened to call out the name again, Vegas came barrelling out from the door of the Andrews household, across the street to her side with Mary and Archie following.

The Andrews matriarch noticed the empty food bowl, "Is everything alright, Y/N/N?" She asked in her usual professional voice, but the girl knew from experience how much love and warmth it really held. Elodie told her about Leonardo's disappearance and how it wasn't uncommon in this kind of weather, but he could be getting a bit hungry.

Mary handed the dog leash to her son and sent him a secret wink, "Why don't you two walk Vegas together and see if you can find him?"

Excitement had been bubbling through the small town of Riverdale for weeks now anticipating the big Fourth of July celebrations ahead of them. Y/N Robins had planned on keeping up with her old tradition of sleeping in until late afternoon, then rolling out of bed in time to catch the fireworks with her friends. But with with the drunkenly asking Archie to be her boyfriend, which was not something she remembered a few hours later, her plans for this year were flipped on their head. So she found herself getting dressed to go talk things out with her supposedly best friend in a quiet spot next to sweet water river.

With her hair half tied up, and a black denim jacket over her shoulders, Y/N left through the door in her bedroom, and waited on the edge of the pavement until she heard a door across the street open and quietly shut. Any butterflies fluttering in her stomach all but disappeared as Archie turned around and smiled into the early morning sun towards her. It had been three days since they had last seen each other, since the girl confessed she didn't really know what she wanted in the space between them.

He jogged over road, asphalt kicking up under his new Nike trainers, and immediately engulfed Y/N's small frame into his own. The two teenagers walked all the way to the edge of Sweetwater River in the silvery silence of early birds and rustling leaves, their hands every now and again grazing each other and lacing together.

"So," The Andrews boy sighed as he lay against the warm grass, watching as she sat next to him and propped her head up on his chest, "what's going on in that head of yours?"

"Leo!" Y/N's melodic voice rang out across the long stretch of stream. Crystal clear water you could see the smoothness of the rocks which lay underneath if you peaked your head over the bank enough. For some unknown reason, the young cat would always find his way towards some kind of water, even back in Phoenix.

"Hello?" Archie bopped the girl on the tip of her nose as she returned back to reality, evidently not hearing what he'd just asked by the puzzled look her face adorned.

She hummed and gave him her full attention, allowing him to rephrase his previous words. In the back of her mind, Y/N knew exactly what she wanted- to leave high school and go on endless adventures with the boy her head lay upon. She wanted an easy life, away from the eerie little town she called home- to decorate her own house with pictures of smiles and candid memories. But most of all, in that perfect moment, she wanted herself to let go and fall in love with her childhood best friend.

After finding Prince Charming and finding out he was really the one from Shrek and not Cinderella, her faith in true love was shaken at the age of sixteen.

"I'm scared of you hurting me, or doing anything that could possibly hurt you, Arch." Y/N's voice faltered at her blunt honesty, "I meant everything I said, but I don't think I'm over what happened with Chuck last year."

"Tiger," Archie interrupted her thoughts, sitting up slightly leaning back on one hand and using the other to cup her face, "I can't promise we won't ever hurt each other even just a little bit, but whatever happens, we'll learn and grown from it together. I don't think I'll ever fully understand how much that bastard hurt you. But, nothing in this world that's worth having comes easy, life is scary and I'll go through all of the shitty parts twenty three hours a day, if it means I get just one with you smiling up at me."

Half an hour of roaming up and down the river bank had passed before a twisting, nauseous feeling took over the pit of Y/N's stomach. She and her family adored their two fluffy boys, her dad would never admit it but they all heard the little 'goodnights' he'd whisper as he made his way up to bed finally. Though with her parents still working, and Y/S/N desperately needing to finish an assignment due tomorrow, the youngest Robins was the only one able to attend this search and rescue mission.

"What if he's -"

Vegas rubbed his nose against her shin in comfort.

"Y/N/N," A twelve year old Archie cut her off in his usual caring voice, "don't even let your mind go there. He's a little ninja cat he's probably off catching frogs or something."

He grabbed her hand, squeezing it in comfort and heading towards an unexplored area of the forest line. Truth be told, he was meant to be doing English homework with Betty Cooper right about now, but that had slipped his mind as soon as Y/N Robins adorably wonky smile found him across the road.

"Leo!" Y/N's sweet voice called out.

"Leonardo?" Archie followed with Vegas by his side.

"That's the sweetest thing I think I've ever heard." The girl admitted shyly, hiding her rose dusted cheeks by bringing Archie into a tight hug, her head resting in the crook of his neck while her long y/h/c hair tickled his face. It smelt of strawberries and mint in the morning breeze.

"Y/N/N, can I ask you something?" His voice sounded nervous, but as she looked up and nodded, his face held a smirk, "Will you stay my girlfriend?"

She answered with a small kiss, staring into his eyes innocently as her fingers traced his back under his thin t-shirt, about to lift the material from his body. But life had a funny way of throwing challenges their way, making them run before they could walk.

"I think I see him!" Archie handed the leash to his best friend, seeing a patch of grey in between the auburn autumn leaves. Vegas barked and tried to follow after his human, but Y/N managed to stop the Labrador from bounding away by distracting him with ear rubs. Wild growls and hisses could be heard as Archie wrestled the feisty long haired cat into his hoodie clad arms. Then Leonardo hissed so madly, the young boy almost dropped him, "Yep, definitely Leo."

Y/N ran over as fast as she could, dropping the lead as soon as she saw his pumpkin eyes and bare teeth, clearly not a fan of Archie. She grinned widely with glee and got to her tippy toes to kiss Archie's cheek. "You're a life saver!"

As soon as the fluffy animal felt Y/N's little hands rubbing his chin as she took him from the boy's arms, he switched into a completely different cat and started purring.

A gunshot sounded through the open clearing, and before a high pitched scream could escape from Y/N's mouth, Archie saw the terror in her eyes and pulled the petite girl behind him. He scaled the area, unable to see anything but birds fleeing from the unusual noise.

"We need to get out of here." The boy's gravely voice whispered with urgency, picking her up without hesitation and running until his lungs burnt and his trainers once again hit the comfort of tarmac.

"What the fuck was that?" Y/N screeched, her inquisitiveness telling to turn back, but thankfully common sense won that battle. She and Archie found themselves back on the pavement of Elm Street before they knew it.

"Y/N, we didn't see anything, it could've been a car backfiring a street away for all we know." Archie tried to rationalise, but in all honesty he was stuck to his core with dread.

"Right, or someone was just murdered and we could've been next on some psychopaths hit list." Y/N's dark mind shone through as she blurted out her inner monologue. The boy didn't have any words of wisdom, instead he lead her to his front door and brought her into his body. They stayed in their own little world for what could have been hours, thankful they had each other and not allowing themselves to think about what secrets Riverdale was really hiding under it's pretty exterior.

Nothing ever happened in the town with 'pep'.

Betty Cooper awoke early that Saturday morning, ready to get any assignments out of the way to enjoy the weekend ahead. She opened her curtains and tied her hair up into a ponytail, but as she looked out of her window at the beautiful blue skies, she watched in shock at the surprising scene unfolding in front of her. Y/N Robins up on her tippy toes, with Archie Andrews' hands wrapped around her waist as they kissed intensely in what the two thought was privacy.

PART SEVEN

wanna be tagged? just send in an ask x

[stupid-stew]

i took notes on the art stream dana did tonight in my own way, yes this is also what my school notes look like so my formal apologies

dana didn’t have many friends or anything in college (self defined recluse)

king is the hardest character to draw due to his specific skull shape

dana loves pokemon and the king resemblance is a coincidence, and she drew everyone to be RIPPED

XENA THE WARRIOR PRINCESS WITH THE ABS LMAOOOO

young entrepreneur out here art queen getting that bag WHY WAS SHE MAKING SHIP ART OF HER CLASSMATES FOR MONEY AT THE AGE OF LIKE 11 IM SOBBING

king ruined the sand castle :(

the mcdonald’s coffe, it sucks apparently

insomnia dana supremacy, felt that

DANA WINS ROUND 1 (against her will)

side note i think i need to start watching more anime, that’s just for me the remember tho

“let’s get weird”- dana terrace 2021

“give us the most uncomfortable furby suggestions please”- also dana terrace 2021

FANFICTION JOURNALS CAN WE GET THOSE PUBLISHED

hard time communicating outside of drawings (one of us 👹)

toh is script driven, sicknasty

her test was turned away SPILL THE TEA

dana proposes to furby suggestion giving chat member

8months struggling for job

turned away from power puff girls boooo

“i called up a friend and we had a drink and i cried :(“ -dana

FURBY WITH HUMAN ANATOMY

YES YES YES MITCHELLS YES YES YES YES YES YES YES

the director had to fight to make the furby scene happen and sir we appreciate it

“androgyny is beautiful”- dana, about a furby

yes girl let jesus take the wheel on that anatomically correct furby

WHY WAS SHE TRYIKG TO TEACH HER FURBY DO CURSE THATS SO FUNNY

“fuck you! fuck you!”- not dana’s furby

$80,000 in debt for this

“shit shit fuck shit”

“as good friends, as disney would say”

dana trying not to lose her job

“AH GOD NO THE FEET THE FEET”

straight black coffee you psycho

DANA LOOSES TO THE CURSED FURBY

HAHAHA TINY NOSE IN THE SIGIL

cannot cook, girlboss, win dana with food

CATBOY SHREK

catchphrase? “AAAAAAAHHH”

scared of spiders

do not wake the cat

“is that a pile of garbage or is that ur self esteem after i fucking demolish you”

-dana terrace 2021

the iconic “byeeeee” was difficult

why can’t she draw shrek

“i need validation please jesus christ”

-dana terrace 2021

someone buy this woman the cat gamer headphones alex hurry up

she does not like the booth but she does it for us thank you queen

dana fainted getting a stick n poke rip

AWWW SHE GOT STEVE BLOOM THATS SO CUTE FOR HER

SHE DISLIKES FANTASY???? BOI WHAT THE HELL BOI

at least she’s having a good time making her own gross little fantasy land, improvise adapt overcome

dana unlocks the idea of things being done in different ways and have them all be good for the masses

“limitation breeds invention”

“wow ur really wise dana”

“….thanks dawg”

“well i didn’t have friends… no one laughed.”

i want the little comics of her pets

cat person dana

DANA WINS CATBOY SHREK

awww little stick and poke on her ankle

does not celebrate her birthday

OOOH THE HAMMERHEAD IS HER FIRST ONE I LOVE THAT ONE

#mood bunny

KERMIT ON STEROIDS

“how can we make this weird” GIRL IT IS KERMIT ON S T E R O I D S

HER LITTLE LAUGH IM SOBBING

this is literally psychological warfare

dana has not watched the muppets but she knows him drinking the tea so winning

DANA THE ANGST QUEEN LMAO

she’s proud about her making dipper and mable fight

DANA ANIMATED FOR NEXT WEEK MARK UR FREAKING CALENDARS

hooty is the owl house canon?

i wish the owl house was like a creature that would have been so funny

CAT APPEARS

season 2 is outline heavy when it comes to the writing

dana knows what she wants for season 2 and we love that

execs up the wall on season 1

DANA LOSES MUSCLE KERMIT

dana has not found the character porn! keep it up girl! stay over there!

oooh bike queen

SWING DANCE OH MY GOD

TAP DANCING

THIS WOMAN IS AN ICON I LOVE HERRRR

yes get that energy out girl

ddr stan, loses to matt braly at gravity falls team bowling hang out

cat is sad :( give her a snack :(

AWW GHOST HAS ASTHMA omg kinnie moment

conspiracy theory enthusiast when intoxicated

vaccination queen

does not believe in ghosts, kill me girl i’ll haunt you don’t worry i’ll prove it

DOG WORKING IN A CAFE

“the ow house get ready to get some boo boo”- this other guy because it made me cry

“you’re gonna have to pay me to write shit because i don’t work for free”

not a music person

DO A FLIP

dana do a flip for charity please i’ll donate like an organ or something

she can canonically do a flip and she’s not gonna show us this is homophobic

AH FUCK MY STREAM CUT OUT

her neighbor is parking yes get it

draw left hand

while holding pen wack

do it in online version of ms paint

“MS pain”- dana not finishing her word

and stick and poke

show us the work stuff dana >:(

an ARTIST

“he’s a strong independent dog”

“4 minutes 20 seconds 😏 h e h e h e”

WHY CANT WE SEE HER HEADBANG THIS IS SO RUDE

not the muscle pulling girl not now

“also dog”

CHAMPION DANA

IMAGINE DANA CALLING UR ART CUTE

H E L P THE FURBYS I CSNOT

ghost gets rejected

“he’s not impressed with ur bullshit”

catra shrek fan girl moment

dana has probably done drugs

“i am a fan of waluigi”

AN ITALIAN POLITICIAN SMACK TALKING THE OWL HOUSE LMAOSJB

note to self dana will only marry you if you look like kermit the frog

also dog comes from a land where dogs eat people at starbucks

LOWES AD

“he’s making out with it! he’s using tongue!”

there are bouncers in cafes where also dog comes from

dana has worked the cash register

someone make real witch merchandise

Q AND A YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES

hooty is he has a very he has more he has a backstory it exists it’s written out but we might not ever get it because it’s just for her dana please i am on my knees

would play dnd if she could

favorite episodes haven’t even aired but currently is echoes of the past or keeping up a fear ances because they’re personal especially a fear ances

TOO LATE FOR EXTENDED SEASON THREE BOARDING HAS STARTED IM GOING TO CRY

SPIN-OFFS SHORTS AND COMICS STILL ALLOWED IM LITERALLY DEAD ON THE INSIDE

mentally she is thriving with the show and it’s going to end well 🙏

“it’s just my voice :(“

BYEEEEEEE

[vaindumbass]

Do it. Elaborate on the Shrek au. I dare you.

oh god. oh god. well i cannot resist now i have been dared. remember that u asked for this. Also, this is mainly a collection of vague thoughts & details that maybe do not matter all that much, and will probably not make sense if u havent watched it.

fundamentally, shrek is a film (insert ‘im not even going to call it a movie’ meme here) about learning to love yourself as you are, but also about opening up to other people & letting them help you & also about how those two things interact with each other.

And who kind of hates himself and feels like a monster and uses the help of his friends? remus, of course. However! to even slightly maintain the vibe of the film the main character has to look hideous and intimidating to others, so we’re adding the lore that everyone can see that he’s a werewolf because of a particular scar on his head.

(sidenote: remember when sirius volunarily locked himself into a cave and looked like shit and ate rats? he would also make a good shrek, but if im going to list all the alternative ways this could be done we’ll never be done) 

Then, an enthusiastic four-footed sidekick: prongs. yes, it’s James in stag form. no, i don’t think he’ll be human at any point in the movie. (He has to be an outcast, that’s what unites them all, after all)

Also, the swamp is the shrieking shack.

now it’s going to get complicated, because unfortunately shrek wasn’t made with the idea of a marauders au in mind, which is kind of inconsiderate tbh. I’d make voldemort Lord Farquad just so that all the ‘compensating for something’ jokes can be replaced with something along the lines of: ‘well u know what they say: the smaller the nose,,,,’  

the magic mirror that snitches on them is Peter, and he tells voldemort that to be complete he needs a seventh horcrux and that the only thing fit for that is this one Black family heirloom. The black family will only give it away as a wedding gift. enter sirius black, stage left. 

lily is the dragon but. we’ve got to change the personality. lily is simply a Professional and wants to do her job, but james, overconfident as always, says he’ll be able to distract her with his seductive skills (yes, hes still a stag). Weirdest thing? it works. lily, who has never really talked to anyone before, just burned them to a crisp, is too busy laughing to really do anything. Somehow the whole ranting and never stop talking thing is the perfect approach, and Lily is quite curious about the outside world and how it has changed those past few years, and she is quite glad that she doesn’t have to kill him, because turns out he was just lost, and that must be true because he hasn’t asked about the prince yet. 

And then she spots Remus and Sirius getting away and realizes she was tricked. she isn’t exactly. proud of her reaction but to be fair trying to burn and kill people was just her knee-jerk reaction at that point!! she didn’t really have the time to get used to the talking thing!! 

ehhh sirius changes into a. fucking dog at night. and he can’t control it. that’s the curse. 

that one robin hood-like figure? that came to attack them? the blonde one with the song. yes that’s Gilderoy Lockhart and Sirius enjoys punching him very much (#letsiriusblackgoferal2021). Remus enjoys watching the punching and such and then the cute and slightly disturbing bonding montage starts. 

they take shelter in the windmill, sirius transforms into a dog but can still talk for plot reasons, and explains the whole being cursed and needing a true love’s kiss etcetera. remus got him a flower but drops it when he hears the words ‘but who could ever love a mangy mutt’ and it’s all a very sad misunderstanding and voldemort takes sirius away. (sorry abt putting the image of sirius and voldemort marrying into ur head <3) 

Here, for fun, I’d suggest just giving Lily some time to shine, going out, exploring the world, because she doesn’t really have a job anymore and doesn’t know what to do. She sees the fairytale people, the different ones, and how they are treated and how lord voldemort tries to get them all away because it doesn’t fit into his worldview. It’s horrible, and at her core, she’s a protector, so one day she just swoops two dwarfs (marlene and dorcas) onto her back, away from the soldiers who try to make them go down the mines and stay there forever, out of sight.

They have fun & explore & become friends, honestly, and her new friends want to show her some really cool dwarven shit let’s say a nice gemstone. Lily gives the appropriate reaction but unfortunately a very big dragon isn’t very subtle and the soldiers manage to find them and to capture marlene and dorcas, who both encourage lily to just get away as fast as possible. and lily does. she flies and flies and keeps flying until she can’t and then she stops next to a lake and cries.

that’s where she sees james again. they talk, james consoles her, says that at least she had that friendship because friendship is the most important thing in the world, and then we see him have a lightbulb moment. He makes up with remus. 

They crash the wedding! sirius appreciates the dramatics of it all, and, not one to be bested, reveals that he changes into a dog when the sun goes down. lord voldemort, appaled, calls for his guards (remember, the problem isn’t necessarily ugliness, here, but the exclusion of the non-normal, non-human people (shrek as a metaphor for queerness anyone?)) and lily eats him. #girlboss

remus hugs dog-sirius, and he’s smiling a lot more than we’ve seen so far in this film!! he also presses a small kiss to the top of sirius’ head just because. not much happens but a few seconds later sirius seems to concentrate and suddenly he’s human again (a delighted human, to be clear). he concentrates again and he’s a dog. human-dog-human-dog-human. remus, although he isn’t quite sure what’s going on, watches with a fond smile. sirius remembers he’s there and they kiss and it’s cute ig

ending scene is a big party with a banner of ‘we ended the monarchy!!!!’ and next to it there’s a painting of the person who was elected as president and it’s Just Some Guy. halfway through the party james decides to defend lily’s honour and crosses out the ‘we’ and writes down ‘I’ and drapes it around lily as if it’s a sash. remus and sirius are also vibing. dorcas and marlene are furiously digging out gems and giving them to each other (it’s how they flirt). the end <3