#fucking L chaz

[mordeiswrld]

hello! sorry to bother but could you maybe do crimson knolastname (helluva boss) x reader hcs?

OFC!

Requested?: Yes

Fic Type: HCs

Time Started: April 21, 8:56 PM

Character: Vrimson Knowlastname x GN!Reader

Admin: L

Crimson looks like the type that’ll either try to hide or try to let you help with his mafia work, depends on your personality like if you’re shy and quiet he won’t tell you anything and keep his personal life and business life seperate but lets say you’re hot-headed and don’t mind getting your hands dirty (i mean you’re in hell, not much stopping you) then he’ll maybe start to try and get you to do things for him (if you want to of course. He may be a hardass mafia boss but he knows when and when to push things, well he does now at least)

Will bring you to expensive restaurants and get VIP sections since he’s trying all over again (RIP Mrs.Knowlastname) he’s taking his time with you while also trying to get a feel of how to have a healthy relationship

Meeting Moxxie is most likely gonna be a no-go since he has a one-sides rivalry with him

He’s only soft with you. Since he has a hard time being nice and gentle it’s gonna take him a while to get to this stage but once you break down the walls he put up best believe he’ll try his very best to treat you right even if it’ll take some practice

Touch starved like a mf. He’s never been used to physical affection so that’s also something he’ll have to get used to. Just slowly try to ease him into it and he’ll slowly start to appreciate it. But do it in private since he has a reputation to uphold.

Kisses with Crimson vary. It coukd go from an innocent peck to a full blown makeout in like 2 secs depending on how long you two have been together. He knows when and where things should be getting steamy and when to keep it low profile

Hugs are something he cherishes from you since he’s always busy and his family has been shredded to bits so he’ll make the most of it with you

Cuddles after work? Immaculate. He’s old and there isn’t much he can or wants to do in the house so cuddles are the next best thing but like everything else you have to ease him into it

This man is almost like the embodiment of toxic (Chaz Thurman ties with him on somethings) but he’s in it for the long run all you gotta do is hang in there

He doesn’t get jealous as much as you’d think he would. Like yes he’s self-confidence in relationships has depleted since his old one ended miserably but it’s not so low that he gets jealous over every male that looks your way. But if he does get jealous he’ll just send one of his henchmen to handle his dirty work for him

Dates arent that frequent since he's almost always busy but when they happen they are always well put together and well thought out

Big spoons all the way, but on occasion he’ll let you hold him but only when he’s too tired to move from whatever position he’s in

Def the type that back hugs you and sometimes even picks you up from behind just to scare you. He won’t scare you too bad but there will be times where he just wants to fuck with you

Loves giving forehead, hand, wrist, up the arm, thigh, etc kisses since hes’s ✨ Romantical ✨ like that

He smiles a lot more around you. A genuine smile not the kind he gave Millie when they met

Stares. A lot. He can’t even figure out why you’d wanna be with him, whether or not you know about his past or not he just can’t piece together how he managed to date someone like you

Always attends to your needs. He may act as if he’s annoyed by it and will call you “needy” he’ll either have his guards do it or he’ll do it himself. He’ll complain but he won’t ever leave you unsatisfied

Spoils you. Want that laptop? Already shipped to the house. Want a new car? Already in the garage. Want some kind of drug? Got the best of the best just for his partner.

Nicknames really depend. He may base it off how you act or how you look. But Sugar, sweetcheeks, sweetheart, love, darling, and hot stuff will be his go to’s

A/N: sorry its so short and terribly written...had a hard time thinking of things and honestly i have brain fog so i can’t really think fr and also SEVERELY unmotivatet but Ill redo it and or add some things in the future but enjoy!

Finished: April 26, 9:42 AM

[kelsiekirbyy-scribbles]

💙Chaz Thurman NSFW alphabet💙

Ah yeah back on my bullshit let's go. I'm writing this under the impression that his partner/the reader actually means something to him lmao

[Warning: NSFW obviously, but I kinda go in detail at some parts]

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

After sex it's just a matter of time before he's knocked out. He'll pull you closer to him and cuddle, but really that's it on his part

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

This is gonna be a shock to most of you, but his favorite part of himself is his dick. I'd think his favorite part of his partner would be their body, no matter the shape or size

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

I see him as a greedy lover (of course he is) so he's pretty much chasing his own climax. He'll cum anywhere on or inside you if that's what you're into, but he's honestly aiming to cover you in it

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Not so much a secret, because everyone and their brother knows Chaz is a manwhore, but he just doesn't really want to bring up past relationships with you. He'll openly brag about his sex life to pretty much anyone that isn't his partner

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Too experienced, who hasn't he slept with? If he's banging "half the people he's in a room with" then it's safe to say he knows what he's doing, now whether or not he's good is up for debate

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Literally anything, he'll do whatever you're up for. His default is taking his partner from behind, mostly so he doesn't have to deal with the closeness of his partner looking at him (he's embarrassed, leave him alone)

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

He's fucking silly. If he's trying to sing to you to get you into bed with him, I mean it might be good, but are you really gonna take it seriously? I don't think Chaz would realize how goofy it is though, he's deadass trying to be seductive...just go with it, it makes him happy

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Chaz takes pride in his appearance. Looking at him, he doesn't have any body hair..because he's a shark duh

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Getting him to feel feelings that aren't purely sexual is no easy feat. I think he plays up the romantic aspect because it's what gets people to sleep with him. Maybe occasionally you can get him to take it slow, with soft kisses instead of heavy make-outs, and gentle touches that don't leave bruises in the morning

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

He masturbates often, or at least when he can't find someone to have sex with. No doubt that he takes pictures of you two fucking and then gets off to it later

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Goes without saying that he's down for anything, but I think with him being in the mafia, he would like roleplaying that sort of thing with you. Ropes, handcuffs, knives- used on his partner or him. It gives him power he doesn't actually receive in the mafia, or he gets off on giving the control to you

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

In the backseat of his car, or in your shared apartment. But honestly he could fuck anywhere

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Honestly he's just horny like 24/7 nothing really provokes him, that's just how the man is (relatable). Though if your goal is to intentionally turn him on, sitting in his lap, whispering in his ear, kissing his neck- all of these are good ways of getting him hard, and he'll 100% return the favor

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

I really can't think of what this horny bastard might not like. Unless it's really gross: use your imagination for what that might be

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Since Chaz mostly focuses on his pleasure, he'd have a preference for receiving, but if you're topping this man then please do not hold back. You know that one scene of him in the episode? Yeah go ahead and shove your cock down his throat, this slut can take it

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Chaz is used to rough, mind breaking, fast sex. It's just what he enjoys most.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Most of the time, sex with him is just a quickie. Since he's down to fuck practically everyday, it can't be passionate or kinky every single time.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Considering he thought fucking around with the mafia boss's son was a good idea, yeah he's known to take risks. Trying to stay unnoticed while fucking you in a public area is super fun to him

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

He's got the stamina to fuck multiple times a day, but he's gonna need a shit ton of time between rounds 'cause the man is gonna be drained after lol

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Hell yeah..well he only owns a couple, he's kinda too broke. If you're buying em though, he'll for sure use em. They mainly get used on himself, I mean "why fuck a toy when my dick is huge enough" Right? Anyway, spoil him with a strap on bigger than him, I think Chaz deserves to be fucked senseless into the mattress

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Chaz doesn't really see the point in teasing if you two aren't role-playing. He just wants to get straight to it. I mean..teasing the hell out of him until he's a whining, begging mess would be super cool though

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Apparently loud enough he can be heard from another room. I'd think if he's the top then it's just grunts and dirty talk from him, but when subbing all he can get out are higher pitched moans

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Doting on him during sex is actually a quick way to his heart. Sitting on his lap while teasingly stroking his cock and showering him in compliments, might make Chaz feel more things than he'd like to admit

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

I hope his word is to be believed. I really do hope his dick is huge

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

His sex drive is too high (relatable)

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Kinda depends on when he has sex. If it's at night, then yeah I'd give him like a minute before he's out cold. During the day, he's gonna be worn out but not enough to fall asleep

[sparkedblaze]

Hi here's all my favorite things about Livesies as I watch it

92sies

This is fsfs gonna be part 1 of 2 or 3

T/W violence, cursing, ets

The Overture. It plays all these semi-familiar tunes from 92sies with a little funky freshness to it and I love it sm

THE FUCKING PROJECTIONS AHAHHHHH

CRUTCHIE BEING THE ONLY OTHER NEWSIE (BESIDES ALBERT) WITH A BACKWARDS HAT

"I ain't been walkin' so good" 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

"Doyawannabustyaothalegtoo?!" "Uh.. no I wanna go down."

"Ya seein' stars alright."

Their accents and over acting are amazing

A big life in a small town SUCKS Jackson Kelly

Heh heh

*waves hand in front of Crutchie's eyes*

CRUTCHIE ACTUALLY CLOSING HIS EYES AND HIS LIL SMILE WHILE HE'S IMAGINING SANTA FE

DID I MENTION THE PROJECTIONS

yA RIDe it inStyLE FEACHA ME RIDIN IN STILE

"WORK THE LAND CHASE THE SUN SWIM THE W H O L E R I O G R A N D E JUST FOR FUUUUN"

"WATCH ME STAND😄 Watch me run 😀 🙁"

"hey HEY"

THE IDEA THAT THE PROLOGUE IS ACTUALLY A PROLOGUE I THINK IT'S @raggedy-albert 'S HC

RACETRACK MOTHERFUCKING HIGGINS

ALBERT FUCKING DASILVA

"A leg of lamb 🥰"

R A L B E R T

FINCH

BEN COOK SKY FLAHERTY IAIN YOUNG JOSH BURRAGE

MUSH'S HOP LOOKING FOR HIS HAT

MIKE AND IKE TRADING HATS

CRUTCHIE SHINING HIS CRUTCH

BUTTONS' HAND MOVEMENT ON 'FISHES'

JACK NUDGING SMALLS ON 'FISHES'

IAIN YOUNG'S LIL RAT BOY FACE

'Step aside Romeo nothin more concerns u here'

Poisonally

Kath's sass

Darcy pretending he's straight

"I'M CRUSHED"

"Gonna rain?" "Uuuuhhhhhh..... No rain oh-ho partlycloudyclearbyevenin"

"BLIND" "AND MUTE" "AND DEAD"

Jack taking Finch's slingshot

Flip

Tommy's lil hops

"I LIKES LIVIN CHANCEY"

ELMER AND BUTTONS TAKING OFF THEIR HATS WHEN THE NUNS SHOW UP

"I dunno Sister, but it's bound to rain soon'a o' lat'a!"😃

BEN COOK

ANTHONY ZAS

NICK MASSON

JOSH BURRAGE

SKY FLAHERTY

IAIN YOUNG

CHAZ WOLCOTT

AND ALL THE OTHERS WHO I DON'T REMEMBER THE NAMES OF THE ACTORS

Everyone hopping to give their cups back

"I DO TOOOOO SO IT MUST ME TRUUUUUE WHAT A SWITCH, SOON WE'LL ALL BE RICH DON'T KNOW A BETTER WAY TO MAKE A NEWSIES DAYYY"

Their entire lil dancey dance right here

Elmer offended at being whacked with hat

"GOTAFEELINBOUTAHEADLINEISMELLSMEAHEADLINEPAPESAREGONNASELLLIKEWEWASGIVINEMAWAYBETCHADINNERITSADOOZYBOUTAPISTOLPACKINFLOOZYDONTKNOWANYBETTERWAYTOMAKEANEWSIESDAYIWASSTAKINOUTTHECIRCUSANDTHENSOMEONESAIDTHATCONEYSREALLYHOTBUTWHENIGOTTHERETHEREWASSPOTWITHALLHISCRONIESYOIMGONNATAKEWHATLITTLEDOUGHIGOTANDPLAYTHEPONIESWEATLEASTDESERVESAHEADLINEFORTHEHOURSTHATTHEYWORKUSJEEZIBETIFIJUSTSTAYEDALITTLELONGERATTHECIRCUS"

Finch finger guns

Jack taking Finch's hat

Smalls diving under Finch's leg

Finch's face right before they say 'yeah!'

Whatever Al's face is doing ever

*disappointment*

Romeo waving like the little bean he is

"WATCH IT"

"It's honest woik"

"AINCHA FADDA ONE O THA STRIKAS"

Albert and Racer

Ralbert

Whack whack

The Delanceys running into each other

Morris hopping from steps

Everyone getting their bags

ALBERT PUT YOUR FUCKING HAT ON

Big smiles everyone, we just finished the first big number Race: :O

Davey trying to slow Les

"I'll call ya sweetheart if you spot me 50 papes"

"I'M NEW TOO"

Albert, to Jojo: Yo check this shit out. Watch what I'm about to do to this bitch "YOU HAVE A VERRRRY INTERESTING FACE. EVER THOUGHT ABOUT GETTIN' INTO MOVIN' PITCHAS?!"

"BUY A TICKET THEY LET ANYONE IN"

*Does not pay*

Everyone's face when they laugh at Jack making fun of Oscar

"The faymus Jack Kelly"

Ben Cook's dumbass socks

Jack's "holy fuck he can do math" face

Specs laughing at Jack's reaction to Les knowing math

"That's disgusting"

W i b b l e

Specs never using stairs properly

Albert riding in on Pulitzer's desk

FOOTBALL? *whack* VIOLENT? *whack*

"Guess what? He got elected." *runs*

Nunzio.

My roommate and I accidentally mashing cut and slit like twice and so now we say slut instead of either

"-like an army that's marching to war." I mean... He wasn't wrong

Has anyone noticed how similar Hannah and Kath look?

BIG STEP BIG STEP BIG STEP

"buy a pape from a poor orphan boy" *cough cough*

"BORN TO THE BREED"

"THIS IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN SCHOOL" "This kid"

Racetrack hawkin in the background and bolting when Snyder comes

"Doesn't everyone?"

ALL THE CONTINUITY ERRORS IN MEDDA'S THEATER. THE BOYS GOING FROM NEWSIES TO FAKE MUSTACHE MEN AND BACK

LOVEY DOVEY BABY PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND

Jack saying pocket with the same intensity that Draco Malfoy says Potter

MEDDA FUCKING LARKIN

"The only thing I own is the mortgage"

"ARE YOU BLIND SHE GOT NO CLOTHES ON"

The look Jack and Davey share when Medda says she knows the governor

"YOU PICTURED THAT?!"

"Take it easy, it's a bunch of trees."

"Jeez! I never knew no one with a aptitude!"

"I AM?! HOW 'M I DOIN'?!"

'I'm better than you' the song

Jack's lil figure 8 dance with just his head

"And prayers from the Pope"

Devin Lewis as Jack for like two scenes.

"AND. MY. BANK."

Watching Jack recognize Katherine

"Why don't you go find out?" 👀

"You want I should lock the door"

"Doin what?"

It's hard to like a whole lot about the scenes where they're flirting bc Kath is so outwardly uncomfy with it

And also they're both simps for Jacobses

*two finger point*

"sOrry mIss mEddA"

Jack's hesitation before he starts singing

"Girls are nice, once or twice, til I find someone new" You bisexual pining bitch

Does anyone know who does the actual sketch?

T H E P R O J E C T I O N

"-and you lie like a rug!"

"What are you doing?!"

"Hey-hey quiet down there's a show goin' on!"

"Shhhhhhhhh"

"Everr"

HAT TIP AND SMIRK AS JACK IS CLIMBING DOWN

MIKE AND IKE GIVING OFF THE MAJOREST SIBLING EVERGY

"Sirens is like lullabies to me."

DELANCEY DEVASTATION AT "they've got a mother" THEY'RE SO TRASH AND HURT I LOVE THEM

"He traded her for a box o' cigars!" "HEY THEY WAS CORONAS"

"Ain't we the hoi polloi!"

"Ask me after they put up the headline"

"Is that news?" "ITISTOME"

Romeo. R O M E O

"I ain't payin' no sixty."

DEUS SPECS MACHINA

BAMBAM "C'mere fellas"

Henry's pose as he says "AIN'T WE GOT NO RIGHTS?!"

IK THAT EVERYONE SAYS TOMMY LOOKS DOWN BC HE'S CONFUSED WHEN JACK SAYS 'WOULD YOU KEEP YOUR SHIRT ON' BC HE'S WEARING A SHIRT YADDA YADDA BUT HE'S NOT THAT'S HIS UNDERSHIRT. SO HE'S CONFUSED BC HIS SHIRT IS ALREADY OFF. BACK IN THOSE TIMES BEING IN JUST YOUR UNDERSHIRT, YOU MAY AS WELL HAVE NO SHIRT. THX FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK

LES SHOVING PEOPLE

Crutchie desperately trying to hop to keep up

Jojo and Elmer.

"Hey Jack you still thinkin?" "Sure he is. Can't ya smell smoke?"

(I'm out of character limits so this is part 1)

[drades-lair]

Touched for the very first time

Fandom: HelluvaBoss

Rating: M

Pairing(s): Straz

Notes: This was a request from my friend on twitter _CrispySalade_ aka. Exhausted_Plant. They requested a PT2 to their original story 'Like a Virgin'.

PT1: https://archiveofourown.org/works/52635439

Chaz was many things, subtle was not one of them thus despite having assured Striker that he’d not said or done anything stupid while black out drunk the other night it had become painfully clear he was lying. Striker’s anxiety began to run at mock nine as he tried desperately to remember that night unfortunately the few snippets that managed to pierce the drunken haze did nothing to set those concerns at ease. Striker needed answers or he’d never be able to get a good night sleep thus he came up with a plan to get the shark to confess. Striker made his way to the bar before Chaz was off work, bribed the bar tender to serve the pale imp ginger ale whenever he asked for beer or a shot that way it would appear as though he was drunk when actually he was stone cold sober. A couple hours later Chaz came strolling into the bar looking for Striker, catching sight of the pale imp almost immediately prompting him to head straight over to the stool beside Striker. Once Chaz was seated and flagged the bar tender for a beer Striker turned on his best acting chops.

“Hey...how long you been here?” Chaz wondered curiously.

“L-long…enough…” Striker managed a slur in response.

“Clearly,” Chaz retorted with a huffed laugh.

“Well…Ya know…I was thinkin’ about the other night…I was thinkin’ and thinkin’….” Striker slurred out, downing his ‘shot’ before calling the bar tender for another.

“The other night? Are you talking about when you got drunk and thought you said something stupid?” Chaz clarified arching a brow.

“Uh-huh…I…ugh…I say stupid shit…when I’m drunk…Charles,” Striker slurred out, using the name Chaz had let slip that apparently, he’d called him that night.

“Right…well I wouldn’t say it was stupid,” Chaz retorted with a small chuckle, taking a swig of his beer.

“Please…it had to be stupid…” Striker added a hiccup for extra flare as it appeared he was close to getting what he was looking for.

“I wouldn’t call wanting to lose your V-card to me stupid,” Chaz chuckled, swigging his beer again while Striker nearly choked on his shot.

“Wha…I mean…see, stupid…” Striker managed to regain composure just in time to save his drunk act, luckily the new flush across his cheeks fit the act.

“Nah, your just nervous and that’s fine,” Chaz retorted having luckily missed Striker’s little slip up.

Striker’s face turned six shades of red, one for each layer of hell as embarrassment swelled in his gut promptly breaking his little drunken act. Striker abruptly stood from his stool causing Chaz to follow the movement with a cocked eyebrow of confusion. Striker tossed a couple bills on the bar to cover everything then turned to head for the saloon doors.  

“I’m goin’ back to the room,” Striker announced, voice low and no longer carrying that drunken slur to it.  

“Wait, you need me to help you?” Chaz called after Striker, standing to reach out to the imp.

“No! I wanna be left alone!” Striker snapped, whipping his head around with a snarl.

“Striker? Wait, Y-You’re not drunk?” Chaz questioned; confusion heavy in his tone as he realized Striker had been faking his drunken state. 

“No Chaz! You refused to tell me what happened the other night, so I faked being drunk ta get Ya ta tell me. I knew I said somethin’ fuckin’ stupid and I was right!” Striker angrily barked, turning away from Chaz to head out of the bar. Chaz took a moment to absorb what just happened however once he did the shark ran after Striker.

“Hey! Wait! Striker! Look, I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to make you upset…you seemed super nervous about telling me that you wanted me to be your first,” Chaz rambled as he strode just behind Striker.

“Congrats fish, you called it right. Just leave me the fuck alone,” Striker groused under his breath, hands tucked firmly in his pockets as he continued walking randomly through the darkened town.

“Well, I’m fine with it and you don’t have to be embarrassed,” Chaz added trying desperately to back pedal on this unraveling situation.

“Ha! That’s rich! I’m sure Yer gettin’ a good laugh outta this,” Striker mockingly laughed, snarling slightly over his shoulder.  

“N-No…can you stop, please…stop!” Chaz insisted suddenly bounding in front of Striker forcing the imp to stop walking.

“What part of fuck off and leave me be, are Ya not understandin’?” Striker growled, tail rattling irritably behind him.

“I’ll gladly let you have some space but first I just wanted to let you know that I don’t think it’s a big deal that you’re still a virgin and if you really want me to be the first, I’ll happily do that,” Chaz blurted out the words so fast he needed to inhale deeply afterwards.

“Whatever…” Striker trailed off after taking a moment to absorb what Chaz had said, pushing past the shark to continue his aimless wondering through the town streets. Chaz watched Striker wonder off eventually releasing a defeated sigh as he hung his head and headed back towards the motel, they were staying in.

Striker wondered around the dark streets for hours simply mulling over in his mind what Chaz had said, denying that the shark meant it. Striker could hear Chaz’s mocking laughter in his head, the same laughter he’d heard in the past from others who’d found out about his little secret then there was the fear of the act itself, Striker gave a snarl of irritation at himself. Memories flashed through Striker’s mind of a time when he was teenager fourteen, maybe fifteen, he cleaned tables at the local saloon and during one of his shifts a couple guys made advances on him which he’d ignored…eventually they’d trapped him near the bathrooms in the back of the bar where they touched him inappropriately, luckily the bartender caught the act before anything went too far. Striker hated how that felt, he hated everything about it thus every time he got close to doing the act with anyone since he panicked. Shaking the memories away Striker was ready to simply bolt from this town unfortunately he had left everything in the motel room that he shared with Chaz including his very expensive angelic weapons thus he had little choice, taking a deep breath he mustered up the courage to head back to the room with the plan to slip in, grab his shit then leave. Once at the motel room Striker managed to quietly slip inside, releasing a small sigh of relief when he saw the lights were off suggesting Chaz was asleep already, glancing around he located his duffle on the floor near the bathroom promptly heading straight to it. Taking a knee Striker made sure everything was inside the duffle bag however just as he zipped it closed, he felt two hands grab his shoulders, yanking him upwards causing a yelp of surprise to escape the pale imp right before he was spun around, and a mouth clasped around his own. Striker grunted as his back hit the wall beside the bathroom doorframe, hands grabbing at the arms of whomever was currently holding him against said wall, inhaling sharply as the mouth disappeared. Striker could now focus on the figure in front of him, making out the familiar greenish snout that belonged to Chaz.

“What the fuck, Chaz!? I nearly kicked Ya in the nut sack!” Striker exclaimed irritably, heart racing in his chest.

“Oops, wouldn’t want that because then we couldn’t fuck,” Chaz chuckled, pulling back slightly.

“What!? Ya…Ya wanna…” Striker stammered out, brain seeming to malfunction. Chaz wasn’t laughing at him nor was he teasing him…Striker couldn’t focus as his heart pounding wildly, panic rising in his throat as images of those large male imps trapping him…touching him flashed through his mind.

“That’s what this was all about right? You wanna lose your virginity and you wanted me to be the one to lose it too…right?” Chaz wondered.

“Well…yeah…but…” Striker trailed off, grabbing his chest trying to steady his rapidly beating heart.  

“Hey, are you…okay?” Chaz asked, tone gentle as he placed a hand on the imp’s shoulder while backing off a little.

“N-no…my heart feels like it’s gonna…burst from my…chest…” Striker stammered through panting breaths.

“Whoa, take it easy…come sit on the bed,” Chaz suggested guiding Striker to sit on the edge of the bed before leaving to grab him a glass of water. Striker accepted the water, sipping it while taking deep breaths as Chaz knelt in front of him.

“Thanks…” Striker managed to get out once he’d calmed a little.

“It’s fine, what caused that panic attack?” Chaz inquired, cocking his head to the side.

Striker’s cheeks flushed a little, averting his gaze to the side as a heavy frown settled on his features. Chaz patiently waited for Striker to respond, watching him with an expression of curiosity mixed with concern, hands gently starting to rub along the pale imp’s thighs.

“I-It…Ya really don’t care…that I’m a virgin?” Striker eventually quietly asked.

“Pfff! No, I’ve slept with virgins before. Some older than you,” Chaz revealed with a snorting laugh.

“Really?” Striker retorted; eyes wide as he met Chaz’s.

“Yep, some people just don’t get around to having sex or something happens that makes them nervous to take that extra step,” Chaz explained simply.

“Something…” Striker dwelled for a moment on that iteration once again averting his gaze except this time it was in thought.

“Did…something happen to you?” Chaz chanced asking.

“M-Maybe…Every time I try ta take that step with someone…I start ta panic…when I was in my teens these imps cornered me in the bar I worked at and they…” Striker trailed off still refusing to look at Chaz.

“Touched you? But if you’re still a virgin…?” Chaz trailed off as a prompt for Striker to finish the story.

“Y-Yeah…the bar tender caught ‘em before anythin’ could really happen but they groped me through my pants and were undoing ‘em…not hard ta figure out what was goin’ ta happen,” Striker finished saying.

“That’s…shitty…look if you’re not ready then we don’t have to but…whenever you are, I’m more then willing to be your first,” Chaz smiled a little trying to put as many of Striker’s worries at ease as he could.     

Striker’s face flushed again, having talked about what happened suddenly calmed his anxiety, replacing it instead with a heat that was quickly pooling in the pit of his stomach. Chaz continued to massage his hands over Striker’s thighs testing out a casual squeeze as Striker slowly turned to face the shark prompting Chaz to move slowly till their mouths connected again in a gentle kiss till Chaz chanced slipping his tongue inside Striker’s mouth resulting in an encouraging hum as the imp pressed back. Chaz slid a hand to Striker’s hip where his thumb played at the hem of his pants, his other hand mirroring the action on the opposite side moments later all while exploring the imp’s mouth. Chaz took a quick glance down revealing Striker’s pants were getting tighter in the front causing a smile to spread across his features before pulling from the deep kiss leaving them both softly panting as Striker clenched his hands in the sheets to either side of himself, averting his gaze once again as he tried to think of what he was supposed to do.

“You good?” Chaz checked with his thumbs still softly doing circles on the imp’s sides just above his pants hem.  

“I’m fine, I just…don’t know what to do…” Striker quietly admitted.

“No problem, leave it to Chaz,” Chaz stated with a beaming smile.

Gingerly Chaz slid his hands from the imp’s hips up underneath Striker’s shirt encouraging the imp to remove his jacket followed by Chaz pulling his black long-sleeved shirt off. Striker’s anxiety told him that he didn’t like how much clothing Chaz was still wearing in comparison to him at this point causing him to grab Chaz’s coat giving it a few yanks till Chaz got the hint to remove the same amount of clothing from his torso. Chaz gently pushed Striker backwards onto the bed, yanking off the imp’s boots before he scooted towards the headboard with Chaz crawling up after him while keeping a watchful eye to assure Striker wasn’t in distress. Striker rested on his forearms while Chaz caressed his claws down Striker’s sides causing a shiver to run down the imp’s spine then Chaz leaned down to nip along the imp’s neck making sure to suck a dark hickey right over Striker’s pulse point before continuing down across his chest. Striker moaned softly as he tipped his head back, eyes closing to enjoy the sensations Chaz was eliciting from his body when Chaz’s fingers skillfully flicked open Striker’s belt followed by undoing his zipper and button causing panic to spike for a moment in his chest only to be quickly replaced by relief as his hard cock was given some space to breath.

Chaz licked up Striker’s chest sending tingling sensations across it like electricity, his one hand working on slowly scooting the imp’s pants and underwear down while the other supported him on the opposite side of Striker’s torso. A happy little rattle sounded from Striker’s tail unintentionally indicating that he was excited about what Chaz was doing encouraging the shark to finish removing Striker’s pants at which point the funniest expression crossed his face as he pulled back to stare at Striker’s nude form.

“What?” Striker asked after a few awkward moments of Chaz staring.

“Nothing, I just…have never seen some one with both parts before,” Chaz stated moving back a bit to get a better look.  

“Humph, I told Ya that I had the whole package,” Striker huffed.

“True, it’s neat. Mind if I…?” Chaz quarried, gesturing to Striker’s crotch after all they’d gotten this far however that didn’t mean Striker wanted to go further, add in the fact he had a bad history with people touching him and Chaz wanted to make sure he had permission through this whole thing.  

“Isn’t that why we’re here?” Striker retorted.

Chaz chuckled out loud then reached gingerly forwards to wrap his hand around the base of the imp’s cock, massaging teasingly upwards when his fingers ran over a series of bumps along Striker’s shaft. Investigating further Chaz could see there were small barbs inside the bumps that were pulsating slightly as Striker’s cock twitched, the imp’s anatomy was a never-ending curiosity, Chaz explored his way down towards Striker’s pussy sliding his fingers along Striker’s cock. Chaz caressed two fingers over Striker’s folds feeling the slick that coated them along with his inner thighs from how aroused he was causing Striker to shudder with a panting huff that faded into a surprised sharp inhale as Chaz spread the imp’s folds with those same two fingers. The longer Chaz stared the more self-conscious Striker began to feel, face flushing deeper crimson as he began to shift his legs inwards with his tail rattling nervously promptly pulling Chaz out of his curious state to look up at his partner. Striker averted his gaze to the side, panting shallowly.

“Can we get on wit this?” Striker wondered.

“Yeah, here…lay back,” Chaz encouraged gently pressing against Striker’s chest till the imp laid down flat on his back with his legs crooked.  

Chaz settled firmly between Striker’s legs, spreading Striker’s folds again then without warning licked from top to bottom of his vagina sending a burst of sensation through Striker that he wasn’t used too. The feeling of being touched by a hand that wasn’t his own sent sensations through Striker that he wasn’t prepared for nor could have ever imagined especially once Chaz located his clit. Chaz flicked his tongue against the small bundle of nerves sending a shock wave of electricity that made Striker’s toes curl and his back arch.

“Holy fuck! What did you just do?” Striker exclaimed, clenching his hands in the bedding.

“Want me to do it again?” Chaz coyly asked with a seductive eyebrow wiggle.

“Fuck, yes…please,” Striker confirmed, admittedly enough he’d not played around with his cunt to much mostly because it was awkward to reach, his dick was easier to touch thus that was how he orgasmed most of the time when masturbating.  

Chaz delved back into Striker’s pussy, thrusting his tongue into Striker’s vaginal opening then sliding it back to his clit. Eventually Chaz slid his tongue all the way up the underside of Striker’s cock to the head where he swirled around the crown causing precum to drool out. Chaz caressed a hand along Striker’s folds down to his asshole, rimming a slick finger around the tight ring of muscle as he slipped his mouth around the imp’s cock head to suck liberally. Striker clawed at the bedding with deep moaning groans, teeth biting into his lower lip as his eyes squeezed shut from the overwhelming amount of sensation running through his body. Chaz pulled back in amazement as the barbs sheathed in Striker’s cock shaft started to emerge the more excited, he became it was also a good indicator for Chaz to move on.

“You want me to fuck you?” Chaz inquired still gently rimming Striker’s hole.

“Y-Yes…” Striker breathed out managing to open his eyes to look down at Chaz.

“Okay, hang on,” Chaz stated, moving off the bed to rifle through his bag before returning.

Kneeling back on his heels Chaz undid his pants then yanked them down to mid thigh revealing Chaz’s double cocks, Striker knew about this unique trait in sharks but to see it was far different from reading about it. Staring curiously Striker watched as Chaz opened two condoms then slid them over both hard members, giving them a playful little bounce before leaning over Striker once more. The imp furrowed his brow in question as Chaz squeezed a bottle in his hand to produce a clear liquid onto his other hand, rubbing it over his fingers before reaching down to smear across Striker’s folds revealing it was slick and cold. Striker jerked slightly with a hiss from the cold.

“Easy, easy, I’m just going to lube you up a little,” Chaz explained, placing the bottle on the bed so he could caress up Striker’s side.

Striker relaxed so Chaz could insert his fingers into his pussy, thrusting at a lazy pace for a few minutes before removing them. Gently Chaz hoisted Striker’s thighs upwards to allow him to position right at the imp’s folds, rubbing his cock along them for a couple seconds before pressing the tip of one cock barely against his vaginal opening.

“This might hurt a little just try to relax,” Chaz encouraged.

Striker didn’t know what to expect just like most of this evening, but he trusted Chaz thus he gave a nod of understanding then tried to relax himself as much as possible. Chaz gently pushed forwards immediately causing Striker to inhale sharply, eyes opening wide before his head fell backwards with a pained groan. Chaz stopped moving to look up at Striker with concern on his features.

“Are you okay?” Chaz wondered.

“Ugh, that hurts…I didn’t expect it ta hurt like that,” Striker panted out.

“Okay, try to relax your muscles…do you need me to pull out a little?” Chaz calmly asked.

“N-Nah…I just…need a minute,” Striker gritted out.

“Alright, I’ll just wait until you’re ready,” Chaz assured him.

Slowly Striker felt the pain subside allowing Chaz to press forwards inch by inch until he was sheathed in Striker’s slick heat. Chaz leaned over Striker to nuzzle at his jawline, nipping gently down his neck to distract the imp till he could fully adjust to the shark’s girth. Upon feeling Striker relax around him, Chaz began rolling his hips causing a series of breathy curses to fall from Striker’s lips, face flushed bright crimson with sweat dripping down his pleasure riddled face. A steady pace found the duo swiftly in shambles, panting heavily with moans mingling in the darkened motel room when Striker suddenly wrapped his legs around Chaz’s waist promptly triggering the shark to move faster. Striker wrapped his arms around Chaz with open mouthed cries of pleasure, claws raking along the shark’s back as he pleaded for release as Chaz put more oomph behind his thrusts. Striker clenched his teeth with a groan for a moment then released a breathy heady loud moan as his walls clenched around Chaz’s cock successfully pulling the shark over the edge with him.

Striker fell backwards panting, looking up at Chaz who was also lost in his orgasmic high just trying to come down. Striker was overwhelmed with sensation, whimpering slightly as Chaz finally pulled out then flopped onto the bed next to the imp with a satisfied huff.

“So~?” Chaz chimed after a couple minutes of catching their breaths.

“So…what?” Striker retorted still staring at the grimy water-stained ceiling.

“What did you think? Was it good?” Chaz asked, turning to lay on his side with one hand propping up his head.

“Oh…Yeah, that was…definitely different,” Striker answered immediately eliciting a slight pout from Chaz.

“Different? Is that all?” Chaz irritably asked sounding dissatisfied with Striker’s answer.

“What else do Ya want from me? I don’t exactly have anythin’ ta compare it ta besides my own hand,” Striker retorted sounding just as irritated.

“Guess that makes sense, as long as you enjoyed it. So, you cum from both your pussy and your dick?” Chaz randomly asked noting the cum splayed across Striker’s stomach.  

“Huh? Uh, yeah…I shoulda warned Ya about the barbs too,” Striker answered realizing his barbs were still flared on his slightly flaccid cock.

“That’s alright, do they do that all the time?” Chaz wondered curiously, glancing down to look at Striker’s dick.

“Yeah, whenever I cum they do that,” Striker confirmed.

“Cool, gonna have to figure a way around that for hand jobs and blow jobs, but I’m resourceful,” Chaz simply stated in such a nonchalant manner it took Striker a little off guard.

“Ya are assumein’ we’re gonna be doin’ this again a little quick,” Striker pointed out.

“Of course, we are~ I’m like a drug, once someone gets a taste of the Chaz, they can’t get enough,” Chaz chimed with a smug smile on his face, head held high with his eyes shut as he pressed a hand to his puffed-out chest.

“Humph, we’ll see about that,” Striker huffed a chuckle because he couldn’t argue with Chaz that this probably wasn’t the last time, they’d be doing this however he certainly wasn’t going to tell Chaz that…at least not yet.

[cxffeeshxp]

“Did you think I wouldn’t notice you watching me?”

( chaz , plz ? )

{{ L }} Well, he wasn't the most discrete but how could he be when it was Verosika fucking Mayday?

" H-heh, sorry. I-I didn't mean to be rude you're just so fucking hot. "

[diffxrentwxrlds]

"Oh fuck it. You there! I insist you buy me a drink!" helluvaxhazbin (stella for chaz)

{{ L }} "Huh? Me? I mean... alright." Feels like he should know this chick, the clothing gave off the impression of being important, but nothing was coming up. Oh well. With a shrug, Chaz asked the shivering barkeep to get his new friend the same drink Chaz was enjoying.

An apple cider bourbon cocktail.

[artificerstimetable]

Using @arocoomer 's chaz design!! it's just so fun we love it.

[noukru-blog]

rvenant replied to your post

wow this tea is delicious

thank u its pg tips

[the-iceni-bitch]

Please do 61 with Ransom.

61) “If you don’t change out of those shorts and into some pants I’ll have them around your ankles by lunch time.”

Hmmm, more OTP for all you lovely hoes! You nonnies just keep lobbing em right at me.

This ended up sparking something in me and I ended up writing a full length fic about more escapades with the asshole bunch.

Tagging my babes @chrissquares @stargazingfangirl18 (I’m targeting you a little with this one Siri cuz lacrosse Ransom is def wearing Fila) @subtlebucky @egcdeath

Quick, dirty, outdoor smut!!! No minors!!!

You and Ransom had decided to meet at the park with the other couples in his little asshole group of friends.

It was finally starting to warm up some, and when the boys had brought up getting out the sticks for some lacrosse you had jumped on it. Ransom didn’t have the balls to tell you it was really just a guy thing, you looked so excited about it.

He parked the beemer at the park entrance and grinned when he saw your Volvo already there. He grabbed his sticks and the cooler full of beer from the trunk and headed towards the field where he saw the rest of you gathered.

He groaned as he drew closer and finally got a good look at you as you waved at him. You looked like a preppy dream in a polo shirt and tiny shorts, a headband around your forehead and knee high socks under your cleats.

“Hey baby!” You said giddily as you ran towards him with your stick slung over your shoulders. “Can you believe I still fit in my high school uniform?”

“I think you’re taking this a little too seriously sweetheart.” He grinned, dropping the cooler and catching you when you jumped into his arms and pressed your lips to his with a satisfied hum.

“Says the man who showed up wearing his letterman’s jacket.” You teased as you hopped down and helped him carry the cooler the rest of the way.

“Yeah? Well if you don’t change out of those shorts and into some pants I’ll have them around your ankles by lunch time.” He purred in your ear as you set down the cooler, wrapping his stick around your back and drawing you close.

“Ha! I’m not playing lacrosse in pants, Hugh!” You said with a shake of your head. “But keep that in mind for later. Can you believe none of the other girls brought sticks?”

“Honey, none of them play lacrosse.” He chided as he watched you stretch.

“Well then what’s the point of... oh goddamn it!” You rolled your eyes as you stood up. “This was supposed to be another boy’s outing where I sit with the other girls and get wine drunk wasn’t it? Don’t answer that! Chauvinist assholes...”

He just chuckled as he watched you mutter to yourself angrily, grabbing your extra sticks and storming off towards the other girls, gesturing wildly as you tried to go over the basics with them.

“So, the girls are playing then?” Dylan asked as he came to stand by Ransom, grabbing an IPA from the cooler and taking a gulp.

“Sure seems that way.” Ran answered as he watched you shove a stick at Lexi and make a throwing motion that she tried to emulate feebly.

“Is this gonna be another day of your girlfriend showing us all up, Drysdale?” Chaz asked as he joined the two of them, chuckling as they tried to figure out exactly what you were trying to instruct the girls on now. “Cuz I don’t think my ego can take it.”

“I dunno what to tell you man.” Ran said with a shrug, grabbing himself a beer and drinking deep. “Quit inviting us to this shit if you don’t want her to hand your ass back to you.”

“Alright douchebags, lets play some lacrosse!” You screamed at them, a massive grin splitting your face.

“I can’t decide if having her on my team or playing against her will be worse.” Logan groaned as the four men walked towards the field apprehensively.

“Alright, should we split this up by couples or what?” Dylan asked as Lexi moved to stand next to him.

“Sounds good to me.” You beamed.

“Great, so Y/N, Ran , Chaz and Brit, you guys can play together and me, Jess, Logan, and Lex will be the other team. Girls play defense.”

“Sounds good.” Ran said fast before you had a chance to start an argument, guiding you away from the center of the field quickly.

“But I play attack, babe.” You whined as he walked next to you and stopped in front of the goal.

“Yeah, I think that you playing attack might be a little too much all at once sweetie.” He said with a shrug as he moved to middle position. “Just channel that frustration babe, you’ll do great!”

You just chewed on your lip as you watched Logan and Chaz grapple for the ball. Logan won out, barreling over Chaz and spinning past Ran like a pro. You smirked as you pivoted towards him, bracing yourself as you charged each other.

He shifted his weight to spin around you and you grinned before full body checking him, ripping the stick out of his hand and helicoptering it out of his grip as you tossed him over your shoulder. You scooped the ball up and lobbed it to Ransom as you sprinted up the field. He passed it back to you when Dylan tried to take him down and you snatched it out of the air before diving around a confused looking Lexi and chucking the ball at the net, grinning when it sailed past Jess for a point.

“Goddamn it!” Dylan groaned as you jogged past him back to your position, giving Ransom a celebratory high five that he followed up with a smack on the ass as he grinned at you.

Logan was still trying to stand up as you returned to your defensive position, glaring at you as he ran a hand through his hair.

“How the fuck was that not a foul?!” He seethed at you.

“A foul?!” You shouted with an air of disdain. “Don’t be a pussy Van Doren! You bring that weak shit to my house and I’m serving it right back to you! Right babe?”

“That’s right babe!” Ran shouted back to you as he shrugged apologetically at Logan when he stalked past him.

The rest of the game went about the same, you hardly let anyone past and Logan flinched so bad every time you got near him it was easy for your team to dominate. Dylan finally called a stop after an hour, he and Logan covered in dirt and bruises from the rough play.

“That’s it, we’re done. I need a fucking drink.” He huffed as he dragged himself off the field, Lexi bouncing next to him excitedly. Apparently, one of the things you had been teaching the girls was how to hit, and she had cracked Chaz and Ransom a couple of times. You grinned and congratulated her and the other girls on a game well played as you moved to grab a porter from the cooler.

“Jesus Christ, Drysdale. That woman is a damn menace.” Logan groaned as he grabbed a bag of ice and pressed it against his ribs.

“Yeah, how the fuck do you keep up with her?” Chaz asked, shaking his head as sipped his lager. “She’s barely sweating.”

“I don’t even know man.” He said with a shrug, gasping for air as he chugged his IPA. “She’s a fucking pistol.”

“Not the word I’d use but whatever.” Logan said, annoyed at you two.

“Shut up, L, you’re just pissed she beat the shit out of you.” Dylan said with a grin. “Where you going, Ran?”

“Gotta take a leak!” Ransom lied as he jerked his head towards the trees suggestively after making eye contact with you.

“Scuse me gals, I gotta help Hugh with something.” You said around a grin after chugging the rest of your beer.

“Jesus, you two will do it anywhere, huh?” Brittney said with an eye roll.

You just shrugged at her as you jogged after Ransom towards the small clutch of pines.

Ransom grabbed you around your waist and swung you off your feet when you reached him, making you squeal before he smashed his lips against yours.

“You were amazing.” He purred as he pressed you up against a tree, running his lips up and down your throat and making you whine.

“Yeah, I’m a fucking legend babe. I told you.” You muttered around a grin. “Did you see those hits I landed?”

“Mmhm, sure did.” He mumbled, nipping at the hollow behind your ear that he knew drove you crazy as his hips ground against you.

“You ever eat a legend’s pussy, Hugh?” You teased, starting to shove his head down between your legs.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Y/N!” He whined as you forced him to his knees. “I was kinda hoping we could both get something out of this.”

“Sorry babe, middle gets whatever attack says they get.” You said with a shrug as you slid your shorts off and hooked your leg over his shoulder. “Make me come with that pretty mouth and maybe I’ll let you get your dick wet.”

“Bitch.” He murmured as he started brushing his lips over your inner thigh, no real malice in his tone as he gazed at you through his lashes.

“That’s right Hugh, I’m the fucking bitch. Now lick it.”

He ran his nose over your clothed core and inhaled deeply before shoving your panties aside. You moaned as he dragged his tongue over your slit, lapping up the evidence of your arousal before swirling his tongue through your folds.

His hands moved under your ass and tilted your hips towards his face, giving him even more access to your dripping heat. Your fingers gripped his hair painfully when he flicked his tongue over your asshole in a quick series of kitten licks before moving it in a heavy stripe back up to your clit.

You had to bite your lip to keep from screaming when he slid a finger inside you, curling it in a come hither motion at the same time he pressed his tongue against your clit. He lashed your bundle of nerves lightly as you writhed against him, your head thumping back against the tree as he slipped in a second finger.

His lips wrapped around your clit as he started fucking you with his digits, curling and twisting them inside you so he hit every spot he knew would drive you absolutely crazy. You felt him grin against you as he shook his head to bury himself deeper in your folds, groaning when he felt you clench around his fingers.

“Fuck, Ransom! I’m so close.” You panted breathlessly, grinding your pussy into his face as you neared the edge.

You felt him slide his pinky into your puckered hole, spearing past the tight ring of muscle until you felt the cool metal of his ring against your entrance and you fucking lost it.

Your thighs tried to crush his skull as you came violently, somehow managing to swallow the shriek that tried to rip out of your chest. He moaned as he ran his tongue over your pussy to collect your release as it ran over his fingers while you clenched and fluttered around him.

“How was that, champ?” He said around a wicked grin once you finally released his head, sliding his hands up your body as he stood up.

“Good... it was good.” You panted as he buried his face in your neck.

“Yeah? Good enough for you to help me out, babe?” He asked, grinding his hips into you to show you how hard he was at the same time he wrenched your polo and sports bra up to expose your breasts.

“I think we can work something out.” You murmured as he palmed your breast with one hand while the other splayed over your ass.

“What did you have in mind, sweetheart?” He hummed as his lips moved over your throat softly.

“Oh, I dunno. Something extra special for my favorite middle.” You purred, pushing him away from you a little bit so you could turn around.

“Fuck, really?” He beamed, running his hand over your ass as he pressed you into the tree.

“Really, you did such a good job, baby, you deserve a reward.” You said as you peeked are him over your shoulder. “Now fuck my ass until I come again, Hugh.”

He chuckled darkly into your hair as he slid his shorts down his legs and drew his cock out of his boxer briefs. You moaned as he ran his length through your slick before he pressed his tip against your pretty hole. The groan he let out as he speared into you made your pussy clench around nothing, fluttering as your body tried to draw him as deep as possible until he was fully sheathed in you and his hips were resting against your ass.

“Shit. Oh my god.” He hissed into your shoulder as he stilled his hips for a beat. “You feel so fucking good, baby.”

“Yeah, I know.” You mumbled as the tree bark scratched at your cheek. “Could you move? I’d like to have another orgasm sometime before noon.”

“So fucking bossy.” He groaned before sliding out of you halfway and slamming back into you, making you yelp.

You moaned as he finally started fucking you, his hips moving at a vicious pace as he bounced you against the tree. He wrapped a hand around your throat and squeezed lightly as he drew you back against his chest.

“Love when you let me fuck your ass, baby.” He growled in your ear as his hips slapped against your cheeks, making you mewl as slick started leaking down your thighs from your aching pussy. “Love how wet you get and how you strangle my cock. You want my fingers in that tight little pussy?”

“Yeah.” You whined as he teased his fingers over your clit. “Need you in my pussy so bad Ran, I’m gonna come.”

He sucked your earlobe between his teeth and spanked your pussy before shoving three fingers inside you as you came with a shriek, your body arching against him as you spasmed uncontrollably.

“Jesus, you’re squeezing me so good.” He groaned as you came down, sobbing with pleasure and sagging against him. “I’m gonna fill this ass up.”

You felt his cock throbbing inside you at the same time he twisted his fingers and you screamed, your release gushing out of you and soaking his thighs as he filled you with his spend, pressing you against the tree and sinking his teeth into your shoulder as his hips jerked. He groaned into your hair as he shoved his cum deep inside you and pulled his fingers from your swollen cunt.

“Holy fuck.” He mumbled into your hair before sucking his fingers into his mouth and groaning at your taste.

“Yeah.” You murmured as you yanked your bra and shirt back down and pulled your panties back into place before bending over to slide your shorts back on. “You should’ve lettered in that.”

——————————————————————————

A/N: Not just regular assholes, preppy jock assholes!!!

[youcouldmakealife]

SOTW: Jared/Bryce, Chaz/Ash, Raf/Grace; out of the loop

For the prompt:  I love the group chat. What are Raf Grace Chaz Ashley Bryce and Jared (or some combination thereof) talking about now?

Takes place between the latest part of Jared and the upcoming one!

Just for the record since you’re going to see us Friday and you’re only 97% oblivious. Ashley types. Carlo knocked me up. Jared blinks, wondering who the fuck Carlo is. He didn’t think they were in an open relationship, and even if they were — pls stop saying I knocked you up it sounds bad Chaz replies just as Jared remembers that Carlo is Chaz’s, like, actual name. A perfectly nice name, so why the fuck would he willingly go by Chaz? !!!!!!!!!!! Bryce interjects over ‘Ashley is typing’. I am experiencing THE MIRACLE OF LIFE. Ashley amends. Because Carlo knocked me up. Surprise! omg!!!!!!!!! do u no if its a boy or girl yet!!!!!!, Bryce sends, then, rapidfire, asks if they’ve thought about names, when the due date is, if Ash is showing yet — Jared suspects she is, and that is exactly why they’re being informed in advance of seeing her — and if they have a baby registry, presumably so he can buy them every single thing on it. wait nvm im callin u ash pick up ur phone!!!!!, Jared reads, and snorts. Jared knows better than to ask anything himself, since his questions are, in order, ‘is this baby on purpose?’ and ‘do you know how absurd Bryce is going to be about this why are you making my life more complicated?’ and ‘how’s this going to impact summer training?’ and ‘seriously why do you go by Chaz when you don’t have to?’. He’s not a good enough person not to think them, but he is a smart enough person not to let them enter the world. But fuck, Bryce. He’s probably bouncing on the balls of his feet impatiently waiting for Ashley to answer her phone so he can blurt out all those questions again, beaming the whole time. He’s going to go research the best cribs, and strollers, and whatever the hell, and then buy them. He’s probably as giddy as a kid on Christmas right now: a baby and an opportunity to buy shit? Bryce is right in his element. Raf and Grace have been quiet. Jared narrows his eyes. Raf’s understandable, because he’s not a big phone guy, and who knows if he’s at team shit, but Grace is practically surgically attached to her phone. If this was news to her, she would have responded by now. Which means it isn’t. And if it isn’t news to her it probably isn’t news to Raf. You told Raf and Grace already? he writes. I was in NY two weeks ago., Raf writes, entirely unapologetic. Two weeks that he knew and Grace knew and obviously Ashley and Chaz knew, and yet nobody told Bryce and Jared, lowly Western Conference-ers. jared dont be a jared, Chaz says. Jared doesn’t know what that’s supposed to mean. Okay, he knows exactly what that’s supposed to mean but he’s going to be a Jared anyway. This is going to hurt Bryce’s feelings, and when Bryce’s feelings get hurt Jared wants to rip the world apart. Plus if Bryce reverts to sulkily calling Raf by his full name again because they told him first Jared swears to god — This is blatant East Coast bias., Jared writes. I didn’t know that when you got traded you DEFECTED. annnnd jared’s being a jared, Chaz writes, and Jared scoffs and puts his phone away. Raf and Chaz can have their secrets together, Jared doesn’t care. * Jared can’t believe they told Raf weeks before they told them. “Babe,” Bryce says. “It’s rude!” Jared says. “You’re not supposed to like, rank your friends.” And if you do rank your friends, Jared and Bryce should be ranked first. That’s just common sense. “Raf was in town for a game,” Bryce says. “And apparently noticed when Ash didn’t have wine with dinner, and apparently he has like, one of those faces you have to spill to.” “Why do you even know that,” Jared says. Raf absolutely does have one of those faces, though. You just blurt out secrets to that face. It’s completely involuntary and incredibly humiliating. “Ash said,” Bryce says. “Don’t take it personally, it was like, early, you never want to tell anyone about a pregnancy too early. Miscarriages happen most often in the first trimester.” Bryce sounds suspiciously like Ashley making excuses. “I’m not taking it personally,” Jared says. Bryce glances up at him. “I’m not,” Jared says. “I thought you'd take it personally.” “I didn’t,” Bryce says. “I don’t.” “Good,” Jared says. “That’s all that matters.” “Mm,” Bryce says, then gives him an expectant look, and Jared resumes playing with his hair. “Did Ash say whether the baby was on purpose, or—“ Jared says. “Oh my god, Jared,” Bryce says with a laugh. “What?” Jared says. “It’s a valid question! They’re like, young. Younger than you. That’s like. Young.” “Don’t worry, neither of us can get pregnant by accident,” Bryce says. “Or like, at all.” Jared snorts. “Why’re you freaking out?” Bryce says. “I’m not,” Jared says. Bryce blinks up at him. “I’m not,” Jared repeats. “That’s just like. Grown up shit. I dunno. Like, everyone’s settling down. Moving away. Marriage. Kids.” “We’re kind of already married, J,” Bryce says. “I know,” Jared says. “I just — ugh. I can’t believe they told Raf weeks before they told us. Stop laughing at me.” “I’m not,” Bryce says, and he isn’t, but he is grinning up at him, a grin that says he’s finding Jared patently ridiculous right now. Which is fair, because Jared is, in fact, being patently ridiculous right now, but still. It’s offensive. Bryce is supposed to be on his side. “Always,” Bryce says, and turns his head to kiss Jared’s hand. “But I’m being ridiculous,” Jared says. “Little bit,” Bryce murmurs. “Play with my hair some more.” “Fine,” Jared says, and smiles when Bryce makes a contented noise as Jared sinks his fingers back into his hair, silk soft and product free for once. Or like, probably not, he’s probably got like, some weird thing Jared’s never even heard of for like, silk-ifying, or soft-ifying, or body-ifying, or some bullshit, but he’s let it do its thing post-shower. Bryce’s hair like this is Jared’s favourite, down to the little cowlick in the back, and he doesn’t know if that’s because he legitimately likes it, or if it’s just because he knows Bryce wouldn’t even answer the door with his hair like this, let alone leave the house. He’s very vain. Like, for good reason, but still. “What’re you doing?” Bryce asks, his eyes shut. “Nothing,” Jared says, and continues to try to mold Bryce’s hair into a little mohawk. “Quit it,” Bryce says, turning his face into Jared’s belly, and Jared resumes petting until Bryce un-sulks, then goes back to making his little mohawk.

[hazbinbossbrainrot]

🔥 Blitzo Buckzo 🔥 (Pronounced “Blitz”)

(As a child >>> Blitzo)

Theme song: Another Bites The Dust - Queen

Goals:

• Seek affection and intimacy (TBA)

* In a relationship with Stolas (TBA)

• Gain fame and recognition across Hell from his assassination business (ongoing)

• Gain self-respect and the respect of his peers

Fave quote:

“Sorry, I fucked your husband.”

— Blitz upon his first encounter with Stella (🤣)

S2:

“Do I know her. She’s my SISTER fucknut!”

— Blitz to Moxxie after he asked if he knew Barbie

Basics:

Ring(s):

• Greed (via Cash Buckzo)

• Lust (via Tilla >>> theorised)

• Pride Ring >>> moved (?) to build I.M.P from the ground up

Species: Demon (imp)

• Succubi (Tilla >>> theorised)

• Imp (Cash)

Type: Butch 💪🏻 (95%)

* Can very rarely be seen being feminine 💅 (10%)

Height: 5ft tall

* Blitz is actually taller than average imps which are around 2-3ft tall >>> most likely is a part incubi on his mother, Tilla’s, side

* However Crimson, Moxxie’s dad, (2x03) is almost the same height as Blitz, but just that tad bit shorter which has to put him around 4ft

Zodiac sign: Aries ♈️ (theorised)

Age(s):

• 8 or 9 years old >>> 2x01 “The Circus” (flashback)

*If Stolas was 11 or 12 years older and it had been 25 years later, that would have to make Blitz 33 or 34 years old

• 28 or 29 years old >>> -5 years ago >>> 2x02 Seeing Stars (flashback)

• In his 30s ( a generous give or take 🤣)

RP (Tixel):

30 years old >>> (Chapter 2: The Outcast)

35 years old >>> (Chapter 3: Dead to Me)

45 years old >>> (Chapter 9: The Crosshairs)

Status: Single (CC)

* Stuck in a situationship with Stolas (currently)

* Rumoured that Stolitz will in a (committed) relationship with at the end of season 2

Sex: Male

Sexuality: Pansexual

Relationship Type: Polyamorous (open)

Sex type: Dominant (which makes sense given Blitz’s personality both in and outside of the bedroom 😆)

* But is secretly a switch and wants to be dominated by Stolas

* Had been dominated by Chaz which was too rough; enough for Blitz to scream out “chill the fuck out”

Occupation(s):

• Founder of I.M.P (currently)

* Employer of M&M and Loona

• Loo Loo Land clown (formerly)

* Coworkers >>> Fizzarolli & Barbie Wire (formerly)

AU:

King of the Ars Goetia (alongside Stolas)

Flaw(s):

Obsessions:

* Horses >>> enough to be considered a “furry”

* Moxxie & Millie’s relationship >>> to the point of stalking them in their own home

• Philophobia (Fear of love)

* May feel distant from people potential romantic partners and may even be afraid of them

ie: hence why he keeps Stolas at an arms length, despite craving intimacy, and ideally wants a stable relationship an official relationship with him (as Moxxie said in 1x06 “Truth Seekers”)

(That would actually be interesting to see in S3 (confirmed) after Stolitz get together officially; I think that season would be about their relationship and actually overcome their problems as a couple — lol not at ALL like M&M 😂)

• Lacks emotional intelligence

* Usually rage and aggression is Blitz’s first reaction in ANY given situation (depending what’s happening and who he’s talking to 😂)

• Dyslexic (confirmed)

* Stated when Blitz spelt “steal” as “s-t-e-e-l” and “stuff” as “stuf” in 2x02 shortly after Octavia cracked his password (1-2-3-4) to his safe

• Workaholic >>> would be the type to focus on work to not want to deal with personal issues or to “blow off steam” (💥🔫)

* Loona told Blitz that he wasn’t her “real dad” (in 1x03 “Spring Broken”) which made him state that he needed to go and “kill something” to avoid the conflict with his daughter

• Insomnia >>> confirmed in 1x07 & 2x02

Theory: Loona also has the “Sleep Pillz” app so she can help Blitz out or track his sleeping schedule or whatever 😂

• Stage fright >>> full blown panic attack in 2x02 (witnessed by Stolas)

• Alcholic

Type: Emotional drinker (1x08)

AU:

* Stolas can help Blitz get to by creating a portal to the constellation of stars

• Undiagnosed ADHD (unconfirmed)

• Attachment insecurity (avoidant)

Kinks:

• Being praised (I think it’s a common thing amongst families and their dysfunction to have such a kink especially if the child had been neglected and hadn’t received any sort love from their parents)

• People’s names

ie: Truth Seekers - he had called Stolas by his name 3 times within a minute

• Desk fantasy (cuz come on what employer who has an office of their own doesn’t fantasise about this 🤣)

• Being a bottom

* Slightly canon given the way Blitz got excited over Stolas’s dominance in 2x02

• Calling people “Daddy / Mommy / Parent”

* Depending on what their gender is, whether it be cisgender or non-binary of any gender

• Human forms (via Verosika or Stolas)

• Plotting a revenge kill

RP:

* Was brainwashed by Royce to take away his dominant nature, so Blitz had no choice but to be a sub

Romance(s):

• Moxxie & Millie Knolastname (sexual attraction)

• Verosika Mayday (ex-girlfriend)

• Stolas of the Ars Goetia (crush; former transactional partner)

• Striker (sexual attraction)

RP:

Turf Wars (Tixel):

Stolas of the Ars Goetia >>> (husband)

Royce Sinclair >>> (Brainwashed)

Lerato >>> One night stand

Chaos Gods (Blitzika):

Verushka Mayday >>> (attraction; temporarily)

Stolas of the Ars Goetia >> (crush)

Chloe Lovelace >>> (crush)

Verosika Mayday >>> (wife)

A Second Chance (Sterosika):

Verosika Mayday >>> (ONS; not by choice)

Stolas of the Ars Goetia >>> (husband)

Stuart Mayday >>> (former attraction)

Beth Eldritch >>> (attraction)

* Mother of Seviathan & Helsa Elderitch

Weakness(es):

Kids (unless he has to kill them for work)

Spelling >>> texting (probably prefers to call or use voice over and use it as a strength)

I.M.P >>>> will be tempted by any offer so he can expand and gain fame for his business

• Example: Striker’s offer to Blitz of “killing the unkillable” in Moonlight Harvest Festival (1x05)

PTSD (Tixel; RP)

• Provoked by Royce’s emotional manipulation and fucking with Blitz’s head by pretending to be — his husband — Stolas

Blitz’s disrespect (sometimes when he’s mouthing off, to the wrong sort of people, it can turn the situation — especially for his work — hostile; sometimes much to Moxxie’s annoyance)

Attachment insecurity (semi-confirmed)

Horses >>> to the point of obsession

Stage fright (confirmed >>> 2x02)

Family >>> personal or work

Stolas’s human form (🥵)

Abandonment issues

Unpredictability

“Truth gas”

Strengths:

Business

• Can throw in a free deal if client is upset (ie: 1x01) and is an expert in killing people that they want I.M.P to kill

Semi-immune to tranquillisers

Sex (really good at it)

Unpredictability

Likes:

• Babying, embarrassing, & grossing Loona out (as parents do 😂)

• Stalking Millie and Moxxie (only because he’s lonely and is envious of their relationship)

• Horses >>> anything related to that; movies; toys; etc

• Challenges & bets (and winning them 😂)

• Moxxie and him having daddy issues

• Trying to reconnect with with Barbie

• Homeless people

• Musical theatre

• Shooting TVs

• Iced coffee

• Mondays

• Drawing

• Murder

* Blood

Other:

Stolas’s human form

implied in 2x02; even though Blitz didn’t say anything it’s clearly evident in his body language:

* Winks flirtatiously at Stolas in the audience

* Affected by Stolas flirting with him

* Sweaty and swallowing hard

* Blushing deeply

• Hanging out with Fizzarolli (formerly)

• Starting his own circus (formerly)

• Pirates (as a kid)

• His daughter

• Money

• Sex

AU:

Stolas’s dominance

* Most likely the ONLY person Blitz will allow to dominate him since Chaz (of course)

Dislikes:

• Stolas's explicit advances (formerly >>> TBA)

* soon Blitz won’t have to deal this anymore post 2x04

• Fizzarolli living out his childhood dream of becoming a successful performer

• Being referred as anything more than a “plaything”

• Anyone else having sex with both Moxxie and Millie

• His twin sister wanting nothing to do with him

• Verosika reminding Blitz of how they broke up

• The idea of dying alone and being partnerless

• People pronouncing the “o” in his name

• People making a big deal about stuff

• His office walls being destroyed

• Being interrupted with a client

• Anyone flirting with Loona

• Doing bodyguard work

• Stolas being in danger

• Being looked down on

• Loona being upset

• People bad at sex

• Stolas’s wrath

• Criticism

Other:

Males flirting with his daughter (as any overprotective father would of their daughter 😂)

Stolas’s overprotectiveness and babying over him (which is ironic because Blitz does it to Loona 😂)

Being referred as NOT Loona’s real dad (derogatory)

Racism; particularly when it’s directed towards imps

People deadnaming him; by not dropping the “o”

The I.M.P walls being damaged

Loona going to the human world

* without him or his permission

People talking shit about him

Showing his vulnerability

Stolas pinching his cheek

Stolas being upset

Deranged clients

Being broke

AU:

• Anything Ozzie’s related - because of the traumatic memory of what happened between when him and Stolas were on their so called “date” 😭

• Any members of his family being endanger; whether it’s his personal one or “work”

• Loona’s parents coming back to take their daughter back (if they haven’t died; which is every foster guardian’s fear 😈)

_____________________________________

Friends:

• Millie (employee & former babysitter for Loona ?)

• Moxxie (employee & former cellmate)

• Loona (employee & daughter)

• Joe & Lin (Millie’s parents)

• Stolas (TBC)

Enemies:

• Striker (temporary friend)

* even more hostile towards him for physically hurting Stolas and putting him in hospital 😈

• Employees of C.H.E.R.U.B.S

• Employees of D.H.O.R.K.S

• Fizzarolli (ex-coworker / best friend)

* Rob-Fizz (ex-coworker)

• Verosika Mayday (rival)

* Verosika’s posse

AU:

• Stella (inevitable)

Other:

• Hound (former & current employee)

Status: Role play

Chazwick Thurman (one-night-stand)

Barbie Wire (former coworker)

Wally Wackford (acquainted)

Cash Buckzo (former boss)

Loo Loo (former coworker)

Loona’s babysitter (2x03)

Unnamed therapist

Eddie (victim)

Ars Goetia family:

• Stolas (ongoing affair)

* For business currently (but hopefully will turn more personal around S2 (end) and S3)

• Stella (acquainted)

*Both in the pilot and in episode 2x01 “The Circus” of the same scene but different perspectives

• Paimon (acquainted; temporary owner)

• Octavia (acquainted)

Hazbin Hotel:

Katie Killjoy (idol)

Rosie (idol)

Affiliation(s):

I.M.P

S.S.F (Working for Royce)

Format: Role play

• The Four Horsemen (Worked for Valentino & Alastor)

Format: Role play

AU (standard):

Prince of Ars the Goetia (with 💍 Stolas 💍)

Status: inevitable

RP: (Blitzika)

Prince of Ars the Goetia (with 💍 Verosika 💍)

________________________________

Family:

Mother: Tilla Buckzo (✝️)

(twin) Sister: Barbie Wire

(adoptive) Daughter: Loona Buckzo

AU:

Husband: Stolas of the Ars Goetia (inevitable)

(step) Daughter: Octavia of the Ars Goetia (inevitable)

(biological) Daughter: T.J. of the Ars Goetia (OC)

Other:

Work:

“Child”: I.M.P (the building itself 😂)

“Work” brother: Moxxie Knolastname

* Also is T.J.'s “godfather” & substitute uncle

Surrogate mother / “godmother” / aunt: Millie Knolastname

Status: For T.J. to have that little bit bigger family in exchange for those Blitz had cut off from his life

Estranged:

Father-in-law: King Paimon (inevitable)

Numerous nameless siblings-in-law (inevitable)

Father: Cash Buckzo

(twin) Sister: Barbie Wire

RPs (Tixel)

Axel x T.J. (OC) = Tixel

(1#) Son-in-law: Axel of the Ars Goetia

Grandson: Axel “A.J.” Junior of the Ars Goetia

Deadname: Angel

Granddaughter: Abria of the Ars Goetia

Pronounced: “Aria”

(2#) Son-in-law: Rimon Shiv (N/A)

Grandson: Shiv AKA “Vish” Shiv

Granddaughter: Azrael Shiv

(illegitimate) Son: Nikolas “Wire”-Mayday (via Verosika 😈)

Granddaughter-in-law: Snow Dust (via her marriage with A.J.)

Grandson-in-law: Samael Beaufoy (via being engaged to Abria)

(great) Grandson: Claudius Beaufoy of the Ars Goetia

Wife: Royce Sinclair (via emotional manipulation 😈)

(imminent) Daughter: Marianne ‘Mare’ Buckzo

Son: Sylas Sinclair

RP 2: (Blitzika)

Blitz x Verosika = Blitzika (Before breaking up)

Status (RP): Blitz is to deal with his feelings for Stolas and everyone else cock-blocking — much to his ongoing chagrin because of it — him because it would be the “end of the world” sort of thing

• Also may be falling out of love with Verosika since of the ridiculous accusations and had been giving him grief about the Chaos Gods “Stolitz” plan

Status (Alt): Stolas dies a heroic’s death leaving Blitz custody of Octavia just like he had promised him and falls out of love with Verosika — breaking up with her because of the same reason as (up above ⬆️) — and falls in love with Chloe, Verosika’s cousin, 😈, but still helps the latter out with child support and still co-parent’s with her

Wife: Verosika Mayday (RP)

(adoptive) Daughter: Loona “Wire” (OG)

Mother-in-law: Verushka Mayday (RP)

Father-in-law: Asmodeus (?) (RP)

Cousin-in-law: Chloe Lovelace AKA Evil Iris (RP)

Blitzika children (biological):

• Evika Mayday

• Tilla Mayday (an alternative version of T.J. the Stolitz hybrid but still honouring Blitz’s late mother)

• Astaroth Mayday (in honour of Astaroth of everything that he had done for Verosika and Blitz in “Blitzika: Chaos Gods” role play)

Other:

Coparent: Stolas (for Loona ✝️)

Coparent: Verosika (For Evika, Astaroth, & Tilla Mayday)

Mini RPs:

Disowned:

(Coparent) Daughter: Octavia of the Ars Goetia

Chaos Gods (alternative):

(adoptive) Daughter: Octavia of the Ars Goetia-Buckzo

• If Stolas died in the ‘Chaos Gods’ war’ and had asked Blitz to adopt his daughter to avoid Octavia being in custody of Stella

Wife: Chloe Lovelace-Buckzo (alt)

Daughter: Alloy Buckzo

Mother-in-law: Carmen Lovelace (estranged via Chloe)

Father-in-law: Ruben Lovelace

Sister-in-law: Mirabelle Lovelace

Sister-in-law: Jocelyn Lovelace

Uncle-in-law: Asmodeus of Ars Goetia

Aunt-in-law: Verushka Mayday

Cousin-in-law: Verosika Mayday

Other:

Sister-in-law: Calitzzo of the Ars Goetia >>> RP

Nephew: Nero Elderitch >>> RP

________________________________

Nicknames:

• B (by Loona)

* hand written message from the episode “Ozzie’s” (I’m assuming at this point ‘B’ is probably for 'Blitz’ because that would be weird if she called her dad'Boss' out of work hours. I mean if she really wants to, she can, I guess 😂)

• Blitzy (by Stolas)

Formerly >>> post 2x04 (?)

* My Little Impish Plaything

* My Big Dicked Blitzy

* My darling Blitzy

* My Little Imp

* Darling

* Blitz

• Fuckstain (by Verosika Mayday)

• Mr. O (by the St An’s and nurse)

• Filthy Wrathian (by Sloth civilian)

• Fire Toad (by Sloth civilian child)

• Sir (by Moxxie, Millie, & Striker)

• Blitzy (by Striker & Stolas)

• Dad (by Loona >>> 1x08)

• Little Devil (by Martha)

• My Man (by Vortex)

• Bingo (by Doc)

• B (by Millie)

• Bossman (by Striker)

* Rodeo Clown

• Boy (by Cash Buckzo)

* Son

• Little Bastard (By Beelzebub)

* Imp Boy

• Blitz/Blitzo (by Barbie Wire)

* Shithead

AU:

• Stepdad (by Octavia)

* Step-Boss

* SD

• Dad (by Loona, T.J., & Octavia)

More so for the former in front of Thunder to prove a point by calling Blitz “Dad” but refer to her biological father by his actual name - or even take it one step further and call Stolas by his paternal name deliberately to hurt the hellhound 😈 😆

* D&D (Dad & Dad)

When talking or referring to both Stolas & Blitz (⬇️)

* D1 (OG) & D2

* Dads

• My other half (by Barbie Wire >>> familial way)

• Prince Blitz of the Ars Goetia (by the Goetia staff & citizens via being married to Stolas)

* My Dark Lord 2# (by Asmodeus)

* Your Higness (by the guards)

* King Blitz (Alarik >>> RP)

* His Majesty

• My Loving Husband (by Stolas)

• Boss-Dad (by Loona; rarely)

• Blitzo (by….)

* Angel Dust (AU — alternative 😆)

* St An’s Receptionist

* Fizzarolli (young)

* Verosika Mayday

* Fizzarolli (adult)

* Young Stolas

* Octavia (AU)

* Barbie Wire

RP:

• Blitz The Bloody Bloodhound (by T.J.)

• Shitzo (by Angel Dust)

* To Stolas about Blitz

• Boy-toy (by Octavia)

• Fucktard (by Kiki)

• Steve

________________________________

Abilities:

Natural:

• Prehensile tail - his tail can support his whole body by hanging himself upside down as a kid in “The Circus”, similar to a possum

• Fire resistance - like the rest of his species Blitz can not be harmed by fire in the living world and had told Martha “that’s not how it works” when she attempted to set him and Millie on fire

• Night vision - like most imps Blitz has the ability to see in the dark

Skills:

• Weapon mastery - Blitz is a sharpshooter and is extremely proficient with various of weapons and favoured firearms and is often shown brandishing his own golden percussion pistol

• Driving efficiency - Blitz is usually the one driving on I.M.P’s business trips

• Disguise - Blitz, Moxxie, Millie have countless of different disguises to use to go into the human world

* Although if Stolas joins I.M.P as a full time member they could be spelled into a human

Unique:

Purring - Shown to be able to purr like a cat, during the two times he follows Moxxie and Millie into their bedroom during the pilot and The Harvest Moon Festival, respectively.

________________________________

Appearance/ personality:

(As an adult):

Blitz has crimson skin with white blotches of various sizes that cover parts of his forearms, chest, and his tail, as well as most of the right side of his face.

He has black spines on his head and upper back, as well as on his tail, which ends with a triangular point (that resembles similarly to the Devil’s tail) that has a black spot at the tip.

the imp’s tail moves determining how he’s feeling in the moment (sort of like when a dog’s tail wags back and forth to show that they’re happy)

He has fairly broad forearms and hands, pointed feet with boot-like heels, and a long, narrow head, out of which extends large, curved, black and white striped horns.

His eyes are red and his sclera are yellow, which are lined with a thick circle of black. Has sharp yellow pointy teeth and red forked tongue that resembles similarly to a snake’s.

Blitz wears a tattered slate-gray collared coat with red buttons down the breast, black knee-high boots and elbow length black, fingerless gloves, featuring large, rounded, yellow decorations on the upper side of them.

Primarily his voice changes depending on the situation and who he’s actually talking to. For example:

When he’s angry his voice will go higher (almost to the point where it’s classified as screaming 😂) and throw in a few fast-paced expletives

When he’s feeling vulnerable or serious his voice drops a few notches lower than his usual excitable OTT demeanour

When he’s happy, as I said before above, he primarily likes to pick on people (Moxxie in particular) and pretty much feels like nothing can ruin his day, until it actually does)

As seen in Seeing Stars (2x02) Blitz is to be revealed to be physically athletic — when Stolas sees the fire behind him

Accessories:

He wears a red skull charm around his neck (that he most likely got from his mother)

(As a child):

In pictures of him in his youth, it is shown that Blitzo lacked the white blotches on his body that he has in adulthood, and, as a teenager, he wore braces.

He also lacked the back spikes under his nape and on his back, as well as the two stripes near the tip of his tail that he has as an adult.

How would you describe Blitz’s personality?

* Bitter (only when he’s with people that aren’t as close to him. But that doesn’t include people he cares deeply about; like his friends and family of one)

* Dominate (in everything he does, and, yes, especially even when in comes to sex 😂)

* Loyal - as seen in 1x05 — Moon Harvest Festival— when Blitzø turned down Striker’s tempting offer in order to protect Stolas 🥰

* Bias - as seen in the “pilot” episode, when his daughter made a mistake, who nearly had killed everyone on the I.M.P team.

* Overprotective of Loona (especially when it comes to his daughter and males flirting with her)

* Babyish >>> towards his daughter

* Expressive (facial)

* Family orientated

* Temperamental

* Unprofessional

• Impracticable

* Foul-mouthed

* Undisciplined

* Disrespectful

* Manipulative

* Effervescent

* Hypocritical

* Workaholic

* Bombastic

* Egotistical

* Flirtatious

* Sardonic

* Comedic

* Sadistic

* Insecure

Others: (rare)

* Anxious (particularly when it comes to sentimentality; which is not his forte when it comes to feelings)

* Protective (towards friends & family particularly when it comes to his daughter or Stolas 😏)

* Paternal (towards Octavia & Loona only)

* Any sort of affection for Stolas >>> 2x02:

- ‘Boyfriend / husband banter’

- Sweating

- Blushing

2x03:

N/A

Complained about Chaz’s poor performance in bed & how he’s not rich (this seems to me like he doesn’t want anyone else but Stolas 😉)

2x04:

• Guilty (publicly)

* After Stolas told him that he’d be at the hospital for a while but he could visit him. Blitz didn’t respond to his text, it was most likely due to self-condemnation for not taking the kidnapping seriously and Stolas getting wounded because of it

• Platonic (selectively)

* This is proven in both scenes by being paternalistic with Loona when it came to her anxiety about her hellbies shot and also friendly with Stolas and wished him to get better with a :( at the end of his message

(Now that I think about it they’re both people that Blitz really cares about. Interesting… 😏)

• Feminine

* Whilst Blitz was talking to Moxxie in 2x03 , he had this feminine stance at the mention of getting out and returning to his daughter before the babysitter killed him — metaphorically (?) 😆 — for being late

* After Blitz and Loona were called by the doctor the former dusted his coat in graceful way, which was so uncharacteristic of him to do (ISTG he’s practicing his elegance for Stolas 😜)

• Fearful

* Blitz became slightly alarmed when he was told that Stolas could get physically hurt ; on the level of losing a loved one , whether that’s a boyfriend or husband

• Respectful (selectively)

* In 1x06 Blitz had a reverential expression on his face when he saw Stolas came to save him and I.M.P

* Blitz is also pretty much 95% attentive to Loona and the 5% being his eccentric-self and grossing her out (as parents do, to embarrass their child, I guess 🤣)

2x05:

• Cooperative (selective)

* Seen when Blitz was less hostile towards Barbie and was more compassionate with her, on that brotherly level

(As a child):

* Happy-go-lucky

* Sentimentalist

* Optimistic

* Sensitive

* Visionary

* Innocent

* Nervous

* Playful

Other (Influenced by Cash):

• Stealing

* Only had really stole the treasure (from the Goetia family) and the grimoire (respectively from Stolas)

• Manipulation

* Emotionally

• Selfishness

• Vulgar

• Lying

________________________________

Trivia:

* In the episode “Ozzie’s” is the second time Blitz displayed how shattered he was after his and Stolas’s so-called “date”

• By his admission, the "o" in Blitzo's name is silent. "Blitz" is also the German word for "lightning".

• In "Loo Loo Land", he remarks how the "o" has been silent since his resignation from his job at the titular circus.

• Those whom Blitz used to know in the past, such as Verosika Mayday, Fizzarolli (by extension, Robo Fizz), and Wally Wackford still pronounce the "o" at the end of his name. In the case of the former two, who are now on bad terms with Blitzo, they pronounce the "o" intentionally, knowing that he now actively dislikes it.

• Brandon Rogers described Blitz’s involvement with showbizz as a passion that he fell out of.

* In "Murder Family", there is a poster in his office titled "The Blitz Show", implying he had his own routine along with being part of "The Amazing Imp Twins". Robo Fizz makes a possible reference to this when he pokes fun at Blitzo for previously having had, as he describes it, a lazy and unfunny show that no one laughed at, at Loo Loo Land.

• In "Murder Family", it is revealed that Blitz goes to therapy and that his therapist apparently "finds him gross".

• In "Truth Seekers", it is revealed that Blitz is a college dropout.

* It also revealed that he took so many tranquilizer darts that he became semi-immune to them.

• It is shown in "Ozzie's" that every physical photo of himself, hanging on the walls of his apartment, has his own face crossed out with black, seemingly deliberately. Interesting enough, he is shown to have kept pictures of his past on his phone without any erasure of his own face.

* It is also revealed that his phone's lock-screen is a picture of his own drawing of himself riding Bombproof.

• While Blitz regularly pushes himself (often physically) into the personal lives of others, ironically, he doesn't appreciate it at all when others so much as pry into his own personal life.

• Blitz is implied to be an atheist, or at least comically cynical in his ideas of a God, as he jokes, "Huh, I guess there is a God!", when informed that the human child Moxxie accidentally shot was their right target, after all.

• Blitz can purr like a cat; this can be heard when he is secretly watching Moxxie sleep during the pilot, and once again in "The Harvest Moon Festival".

• In "Loo Loo Land", it appears that he keeps Martha's eye in a jar as a memento of that job.

• Blitz shares two similar traits with Loopty Goopty; those being that he and Loopty are both voiced by Brandon Rogers, and that they both dislike it whenever anyone mispronounces their names.

• Blitz loves horses, almost to the point of obsession, and even owns toy horses. This obsession may have been the final straw for his romantic relationship with Verosika Mayday, who finally broke up with him after he maxed out her credit card to purchase horse riding lessons. In "C.H.E.R.U.B", he also spends all the money Loopty Goopty paid him to kill Lyle Lipton on a toy horse named "Mare-ajuana", which is covered in gems.

• His love for horses dates back as early as his childhood as shown in "The Circus".

• In one of his Voxtagram posts it can be inferred that Blitz is pansexual. His behavior and dating history on the show are very much reflective of this, however, as the service and its affiliated accounts have been confirmed as not officially canon, it is currently not confirmed if he identifies with the specific label.

• It is revealed in "The Circus" that Stolas had developed a crush on him when the two were still kids, specifically during the former's first witness of his performance on his birthday.

* It is also foreshadowed in a flashback how Blitzo's career path had turned to murdering people rather than starting his own circus, when his younger self stated how he found blood "cool".

Blitz & Stolas’s “transactional fucking” lands on every 14th month

• Apparently according to Loona, in 1x06, if Blitz uses ZERO euphemisms, NO swearing, NO sexual innuendos then it means he’s serious

(well if Stolas ever dates Blitz he better watch out for the lack of these signs 😂)

Other:

1x06:

• It has shown that Blitz can have the capability to be vulnerable (very rarely and to a point) as seen in “Truth Seeker” and is seen comforting Moxxie and told him:

“You know my name. Use it.” - Blitz, 1x06

* During the drug trip, for Blitz, it’s canon that obviously he is both traumatised, psychologically by his insecurities and a small part of him that feels guilt about the people he had interacted and had been ridiculed by; Verosika, Fizzarolli, Striker, and even Moxxie

Not saying that he was ridiculed by Moxxie, who just wouldn’t do that to his employer, but still probably knew subconsciously that he was doing the wrong thing by him.

* In theory, — from what he had witnessed from stalking M&M — he actually does want a relationship with Stolas (around 1x06; where I think he started to have some feelings for him) but didn’t / doesn’t know how to get there (even if Blitz had their positions in hierarchy is still a current problem)

‘You are afraid of intimacy, Sir, and yet you crave it. Are you afraid the missus and I will have had enough of it as well?’- Hallucinogenic Moxxie to Blitz

2x02:

• Blitz can actually be seen scared of Stolas (depending on the situation; ie: 2x02 “Seeing Stars”

• Blitz suffers from stage fright (which can actually lead to a panic attack) and it probably had something to do with Cash who was the cause of it:

* “Are you trying to crush my dreams like my dad did?” Blitz to Moxxie in the pilot episode

• Whilst texting Mille Blitz nicknamed Stolas to “Stols” (when you nickname someone it’s really more for those who are friends, family, and lovers not really for one night stands 😏)

• Because of the type of work Blitz does he has an athletic build (6-pack included)

• When threatened Blitz’s warning signs are:

* Tail rattles like rattlesnake’s

* Spikes rise upwards

* Hisses like a cat

2x03:

• In Moxxie’s flashback, stated by Blitz, that needed to relieve Loona’s babysitter

• Blitz complained about Chaz’s performance in bed because he secretly has feelings for Stolas and knows he can’t get any better than that 😈

• Chaz was a little bit too rough with Blitz enough for him to tell him to “chill the fuck out”

• It’s implied that Blitz had seen Shrek when he said “we’re doing a Shrek”; which makes sense since donkey turns into a horse in one

2x04:

• Blitz’s ringtone for Stolas had changed from a man screaming in agony to a bird tweet

• Blitz was the first one (besides the paparazzi & the medical team) to catch a glimpse of Stolas’s tailpiece (🪶) before anyone else could, especially out of the I.M.P crew, and was rushed into the ER

• At the end of the episode Blitz was deeply concerned — on a boyfriend / husband friend level — about Stolas’s condition and was surprised that he could even be physically hurt

* Despite everything that happened between them at Ozzie’s Stolas texted Blitz saying that he’d be in hospital for a while due to recovery (probably for the next two episodes or more) but he could visit him, but when he hadn’t texted back, shows that Blitz likely harboured some guilt for not taking the kidnapping seriously and Stolas getting hurt because of it.

• According to Brandon Rogers his favourite line of Blitz’s so far is “He can get HURT?” from 2x04

• In 1x08 Blitz’s ringtone for Loona is a small dog yapping (which is the same as the one for I.M.P)

* At the end of the episode Blitz — who was in a drunken state — slurred out the names Moxxie, Millie, & Stolas 😏

2x05:

TBA

2x06:

TBA

2x07:

TBA

2x08:

TBA

2x09:

TBA

2x10:

TBA

2x11:

TBA

2x12:

TBA

S3:

TBA

S4:

TBA

[ramp-it-up]

“kick his ass for me.”

With Daveed or Rafa, please. I love the way you write both of them.

@id-do-it-for-free-babe Anything for you Love! 💕 Here it is, 1K of a Daveed drabble. I’m too tired to write full smut. I hope it’s ok.

Karma

November 2002

Daveed started yet another draft of his Comparative Lit paper. He just couldn’t get into the groove. He typed a paragraph of nonsense, then leaned back in his desk chair and cranked his music again.

He got his notebook and scribbled some verses, then rapped along with the beat. Yeah. That flow was easy.

He looked back at this nonsense paragraph and wanted to cry. This was bullshit. It was November 17th and he could not wait to get back to the Town for winter break. Rhode Island was whack and these people weren’t his.

It was his junior year at Brown and he realized that these people liking him was not what he wanted from life.

Daveed was going to go back to Oakland and teach, maybe have fun with his friends on the side, not be a pencil pusher in one of these Ivy League Legacies’ daddy’s firms.

Daveed took his glasses off and banged his head on the table of his desk. He hated this college studio apartment, and his roommate, Chaz. He was so fucking bored of school and of this college town. The only thing keeping him on the east coast was the promise of a degree and track.

Daveed was spinning around in his chair staring at the ceiling, rapping to his music as fast as he could when you busted in the door carrying a large metal wash pan. He should really lock that door at night.

“Hey Diggs, What’s hattnen?”

You gave him a nod, and nonchalantly sauntered over to Chaz’s closet. You started taking all of his Jordans and starched button up shirts out and throwing them in the wash pan.

“.....What’s…. hattnen?” Daveed was confused. Chaz was out of town, “Are you doing Chaz’ laundry or something?” Chaz always got his girls to do crazy shit for him, he wouldn’t be surprised. But the vibe was off.

“Humph! Nah. Not quite.” D did a double take when he looked in your face and saw that your face was streaked with mascara. You were crying, but calm, and throwing Chaz’ clothes in a metal wash pail. It took him a minute to put it all together.

When you got the pail full, you lifted the full wash pail with a grunt and took it out the door that led to the little patio area of the apartment.

The contents of the pail were on fire by the time Daveed ran for the fire extinguisher and put them out. RIP Chaz’ Jordans.

“What the hell! Are you crazy???? You could burn this place down!! For what??” He was holding your arms and trying to steady you with his eyes. You returned his stare.

“Chaz is in New York with Jules, isn’t he.” Daveed shifted his eyes away and dropped his hands.

“I don’t know….”

“You don’t have to lie for him D. I already know. Your roommate is a cheating asshole!” You sat down on the futon and started sobbing. Daveed came and sat beside you, rubbing your back.

It took you long enough, Daveed thought. But what he said was, “I’m sorry.” He put his arm around you and let you cry into his chest.

You let his large warm body comfort you and eventually you stopped crying. You looked up at him. “Th-thank you…” you hiccuped. “I’m sorry….”

You were still beautiful, even with puffy eyes and a runny nose.

“Here,” Daveed offered you the sleeve of his sweatshirt to wipe your nose, still holding you. You laughed a little and did it, sniffing.

“Is there anything I can do?” Daveed felt helpless when women cried, and you were kinda special.

“Kick his ass for me.”

Daveed smiled his beautiful smile and shook his head. “You the homie, but I’m not losing my scholarship or worse, going to jai,l for that asswipe.”

You sighed. “I’m sorry, I know. I’m just pissed that I wasted my time.” You looked at Daveed. “I used to think I was a smart person, you know?” He nodded.

“I should have known better than to get mixed up with a fucking athlete.” You said it with such venom.

“Hey!… I’m an athlete.” Daveed was offended.

“I’ve seen the girls you’ve had in and out of here D.” You were not with the shits.

“I’m single.” Daveed looked at you. “They all know what’s up.”

“You right,” you agreed. “Everyone knows that Daveed Diggs is so fast that no one can tie him down.”

“Chaz on the other hand. Is a lying sack of shit.”

You got up and stretched. Daveed discretely checked out your ass in your jeggings. One thing he could say about Chaz. He had taste.

You turned and caught him looking. You smirked at him.

“I’m going to use the restroom, k?” You were already halfway there..

“Oh. okay.” Daveed just sat on the futon and tried to process what happened. He needed out of this place.

You came out of the restroom, face clean and sporting a little smile.

“I know what you can do, Diggs.” Your smile was changing as you approached him. You looked dangerous. You were putting your 18 inch weave up in a bun as you stood wide legged in front of him.

You climbed on his lap, straddling him and placing your hands on his shoulders. Daveed automatically put his hands on your waist. Then he asked a stupid question.

“What are you doing?”

“Chaz is getting his. I’m getting mine.”

Daveed tried to argue. “Oh. What exactly are you getting?” He just held your waist as you started grinding in his lap. You could feel the Pride of Providence getting hard beneath you.

“Revenge.”

You smiled, blinding him a bit. You got up and turned around.

Daveed groaned a little as he stared at your ass and you watched him watching you over your shoulder.

“You’re using me.”

You looked at his erection that was stretching out his sweats.

“Chaz has his hoe. I’ll have revenge. You’ll have this ass. We’ll all be happy.” You bent at the waist and pulled your jeggings down, revealing your Brown University thong. You made it bounce.

Daveed’s analytical mind was whirring. He reached for it. Fuck Chaz. Before he buried his face in it, he said, “What if you did, you know, get your little swerve on? You’d be well within your rights.

It’s Karma, baby.”

[popculturebuffet]

The Loud House Reviews: The Cow-Pie Kid and Saved by the Spell

Welcome back Loudiacs.. I .. don’t know what the fandom calls themselves. And given I dont’ know anyone personally in the fandom and the going into the tag is like living in a living nightmare.. it’s easier to keep workshopping a name till either someone tells me or I find one that sounds right. Loudites.. there we go that didn’t take long. Point is we’re back in The Loud House, In The Loud House for the first regular coverage, i.e. when I cover a show as It comes out of the season. And I was lucky enough to actually see the episode same day this time and with a promo that at least gives me images to work with, so yeah, i’m pretty pumped. And not just because I can cross this one off because SOMEBODY has a birthday tommorow.. no not me, that was last month. 

There ya go. But yeah the show’s back. I’m excited, your excited, i’m scared because nick dosen’t give a clear schedule out ahead of time so i’m left wondering when one’s going to pop up and when to get it on my schedule now I have one... it’s a good time. Seriously though Nick needs to get their scheduling in order. So i’m happy to be back, your happy to have me here, but probably not happy to have spoilers so let’s take this under the cut and we can talk about cow pies, magic, and ... how this block is weirdly almost all lincoln episodes. 

The Cow-Pie Kid:  Yeah.. this was the only bit from cow pie kid I could find. Tons of stuff to mine from for saved by the spell. Nothing for that one. Weird.  Anyways our story opens with Lynn’s baseball team, who we’ve met before.. and include friends who have played other sports with her and that guy she had a crush on for all of five minutes because the writers kinda forgot L is for Love happened for anyone but Luna and Luann. 

Okay look MOST of the love intrests introduced there were not great and while Lincoln needs one NOW, at the time he really did not as the Ronnie Anne thing had not, and still has not, been properly resolved. Still vastly prefer him with Stella and her with Sid, i’m just saying closure would be nice.  Look i’m getting off topic point is one besides Sam, who was great out of the gate and not just for being gay.. though that was a lot of it, and Benny, whose objectively a really sweet kid and damn likeable. Luaggie shippers feel free to boo me, I understand.. dosen’t change my mind or the fact Poly exists to fix that. I mean why not both I ask you.  Besides them, we had Chazz, a loveable chubby guy who Leni was into and worked at clothing store and knew his fashion stuff. and was charmed by her romantic gesture. He just seemd sweet and it was implied via background stuff they were still dating.. but he hasnt’ shown up since despite her working AT the mall and that being her main arc for the last two seasons. 

Just why? What’s wrong with the chubby fashion boy? Why? Did they decide they had too many romance arcs.. at exactly two? I get focusing on sam, because duh, and because that was awesome.. but you’ve had 2 full seasons since then and again Leni and him now work in the same location if not the same store, which in itself is a plot. I don’t ask much from you show.. well okay I do but let me clarify I don’t ask much from you that you could actually do: I know i’m never getting my a diffrent world style spinoff with lori and bobby. I know Zach is going nowhere and i’m just going to have to get over it, I will not, but I DO know you could include chaz and just won’t. So do that at least. I will put up with several more seasons of Zach if it means this adorable love story continues. It’s even easy enough to pick up this late: they are both stupid. Work with that. Gah... coach if you’d please. 

Thanks coach. Okay so one tangent later we’re back to the episode. Point is her team is loosing even though Lynn’s the captain now, and while she’s perfectly encouraging it’s not winning games. Lynn is understandably dejected in the car not helped by the sports commentor guys from the game... commenting about it on the radio...

I mean.. I get sports can have dry spots and all that but who covers a middle school basketball team on the radio that isn’t the middle school radio station. I mean I genuinely can’t decide which is more sad... a radio personality doing a children’s baseball game on his own show, or having so much trouble getting one that he’s apperaing on the middle school radio show. And I COULD say it’s just a guest spot but he’s talking like he knows what’s going on intmatiley> Did his daughter ask him to? I mean I know radio’s fallen pretty far but I dind’t think it was that much in the basement. Do a podcast at least man. 

Okay before I go on another Tangent point is Lynn feels it’s her fault as Captain.. which granted whoever the coach is should be .. but it genuinely looks like they don’t HAVE a coach. Maybe they had to sack him to pay for the newly refrubished av department? I dunno. Point is she feels bad and Lynn Sr vows to cheer her up.. before stopping for farm fresh eggs. Which.. yeah can’t blame him. He’s a cook, and Liam’s family likely has good prices. He can buy for both home and restraunt at once. I mean he has a van and only one occupant at the moment. Don’t judge him.  But this little detour DOES help Lynn’s mood. Her problem is the team lacks a decent pitcher, since Lynn herself was banned for throwing one at a heckling goat. The Lawsuit is ongoing and that made me laugh a lot. But Lynn finds Happy Gilmore style that Liam.. has a really great arm. Granted instead of actuall balls it’s with cowpies because this series really loves a shit joke, hence the title and the new nickname for liam, the cow pie kid.. but compared to some of the series toilet humor it’s a lot less in your face. But with Liam being so good Lynn can’t help but sign him to the team and Liam being a sweetie pie is happy to agree.  I have.. not hid even for a second how much I liked Liam or wanted him, and Stella, to show up outside of Lincoln episodes more often, or even get his own again. That day.. has come. Not only does LIam now have a roll entirely outside his friend group, but this episode’s about him and Lynn together.. not in that way.. yet. Someday.. Point is my boy is in the spotlight and I could not be happier.   And thankfully.. Lynn’s at her best. What I feared would be an episode about her overtraining him and making him not enjoy the game, htat old chesnut instead.. she just genuinely helps mentor him. She’s tough but fair as she helps him get his aim right as he’s used to firing Cow Pie’s, so the weight distrbution is off. So she helps train him and .. it’s really cute honestly, with her genuinely helping him and showing a softer side and later realizing she had him thinking about it too hard and just having him not think.. and going by instinct naturally works for a carefree and easygoing guy like liam. Wouldn’t be suprised if he went ultra instinct eventually.. but that’s for another episode. They also have a pig pile together.. which sounds bad but is just pigs piling on liam and lynn gladly gets on top of the pigs and god that sounds worse. next scnee. 

So Liam gets ahead and becomes the star pitcher for the zanarkand abes.. I mean the Royal Woods Kangaroos, and they just keep wining and wining and wining. Their like glomgold: all they do is win... but probably with less attempted corpse dancing. Problem is as we see during the montage Liam’s arm is slowly but surley getting cramped and while he wins hte next game.. his arm gives out from noodle arm. The good news is with rest, he can fix it, as her injury prone friend Paula, whose somehow allowed to play with crutches despite ALL the legal and moral issues that raises explains. but they don’t have days to rest it. So insane plans it is!  So Lynn goes to her sisters for herlp..specifically lisa int he hopes her mad science can either fix his pain or turn him into the hulk. Neither happens.. yet. I mean LIam is so sweet if he IS a hulk, we won’t know yet. But the green door will.. it always knows. IT ALWAYS KNOWS.  Lynn bemonas her luck.. before Lucy appears!

I JUST said last month when reviewing 11 louds a leapin that I missed the duo of her and lynn and lo and behold here we are. While we dno’t get much of the two fo them, it is still nice to see Lynn suprised by her scares and Lucy trying to use the dark arts to heal his pain.. which actually works. Lucy’s upgraded from wants to be a witch to full witch. 

So yeah her dark magic works and now Liam is fine just fine as the championship game approaches. Until naturally it isn’t. While Lucy STOPPED the pain, she didn’t make anything better, just numbed it so Liam’s arm’s pretty bad and Lisa suggests there’s a 70 perfecnt chance he’ll wreck it if he does so.. and while Lynn is naturlaly, given one of her main traits is asshole, ready to risk that.. she realizes she can’t. Rusty is on her team following her orders.. and no matter how good a W feels.. she can’t trade in someone’s health for one. Honestly bettter than most sports managers ngl. So Paula subs in and misses, loosing them the game.. but Lynn. takes it in stride, having realized she can win next year and having finally realized what being the leader REALLY means. She can work on paula’s curve, give Liam a break, and win next time... which she’ll have because time dosen’t work normally in this show’s dimension and a solid timeline is just a pipedream, so she probably has another year of being 14 to redo this and has become aware of it. I’m scared and excited for what that means.  Liam celebrates with a pig pile of two and we get a REALLY fucking cute shot of the two being happy and what not before a pig jumps on them still though.. yeah I ship it now. Liam taps into the space where I thought a black void of misery and douchebaggery was but ti turns out is in fact a heart, something few can do with Lynn and Lynn can protect him form bullies and is perfectly suited for his rough hewn farmboy styles. Point is their cut.e And so was this episode. IT was a really nice return to the series and it was again REALLY fucking great to see one of Lincoln’s firend,s and one of the GOOD ones at that, get a starring roll without him. HOpefully this keeps up and hopefully we see more of these two. 

Saved by the Spell:

RUSTY SPOKES IS TRASH (Ring) I don’t have a saved by the spell font that’ll have to do. Point is he is but before we get to Rusty being Rusty, Lincoln is doing magic tricks at the table. 

Point is he’s excited to do it at the talent show. The next day his friends discuss doing something to make them look cool to everyone. WHich.. kids. i’ll level with you. You. are. NERDS. As a massive one in both size and nerdiness myself, there’s nothing wrong with that. 2/3 of you are lovely people. You’ll be fine. But you are geeks, and should be proud of that.. not so proud you evolve into an incel or it’s adjacent form of assholes mind you, but still proud of who you are. You are never going to be that cool by trying to appeal to everyone. Just be yourslef and the cool comes naturaly. Like kool aid, which is naturally made by milking the Kool Aid man. Be you. 

But instead they decide to do a dance routine which..  let’s face it.. is probably just this spread across 6 people...

Point is maybe don’t do that. Also when Clyde does a dorky but endearing dance and says their going to shake their groove things, Rusty pipes in with “But cool”... and while sadly not as glorious as EVERYONE looking enitrely done with him like last time we saw this tool, Clyde clearly still does while the rest of hte Lincrew have no idea what the hell he’s on. I think their just.. numb to his stupidity and ego at this point.  But when Lincoln shows off his magic they all hide him, fearing that magic.. is well for younger kids and this won’t play so well. Which isn’t an invalid fear: this is middle school and from personal experince, middle school can be hell.. and also one of hte best years of my life which shows the vast gulf between the two schools I was in but was also not the point. the point is kids can be cruel and maybe don’t do this. But lincoln gonna do it anyway because he has confidence.. and frankly given there was an ENTIRE episode about being yourself instead of putting on an asshole suit of armor to avoid being hurt, which Lynn finally took off again last episode, he’s right.. but the rest of them all feel THEIR ALL GOING TO LAUGH AT YOU. and since they don’t know if he has latent psychic powers or not can’t risk him getting pigs blood dumped on him so they plan to find some way to trick him out of it.. Clyde of course gets his stomach in nots because he’s not good with schemes or lying ot his best friend, both of which this is and requires. 

Also Stella’s in the lead, as she should be. And she helps as her positive attudie makes what their doing come off as it should: KINDA douchey, but not intentionally so, they just worry about hteir freind getting pummled.. possibly by his own sister but now sh’es possibly with Liam that’s probably not as much of a worry. Or Chandler but frankly he’s going to do that no matter what.. and is probably getting his ass kicked himself by older kids who won’t toldeate his bs, so your clear. But their fears while a bit unfounded are understandable and well inteitoned if misguided, as we don’t know LIncoln’s act at this point or how well it’d go over with a mostly tweenager crowd, who can be the best as we’ve seen in recent tv.. or aboslutel monsters.. same deal. You either get Luz or you get BOscha, the inbetween is rare. 

So cue our usual setup of a bunch of attempts to do something in a row, but like I said while i’m not a fan of reptition if it’s done well enough it works and with it’s rather sizeable supporting cast , LIncoln and Friends episodes usdually do make it work. In this case it does as each of the sensational 6, lincoln and clyde asid,e try their hand at it. Liam, being the golden child, just has the most direct and obvious route: swipe his magic stuff.. and runs off without letting them talk it out but unlike Rusty in the next attempt, his plan was actually viable.. he just gets tangled up in the scarves and taps out.  Rusty is next ....and his idea is to.. show lincoln his killer dance moves to convince him normally. 

Yup pretty much that. And somehow out of the four plans, RUSTY’S is the only one that dosen’t bring up any serious moral quandries. I know i’m shocked too. He just thinks his moves will do it when no they won’t, please stop it hurts to watch and I can’t turn the fuck away. This is my job you redheaded kanker sore! Gah it thankfully ends and is unsurisingly unsuccesful. 

Also unsuprisingly, i’ve been waiting since i got that image to use it on Rusty. And as a third dollop of unsuprise I did not have to force it in any way shape or form. Point is it’s Zach’s turn as during the last two he’s been pushing really hard to use some form of brainwashing on his friend.. yes .. really. 

Thought Rusty would be the first loud house character to get that one but hey if the shoe fits. Seriously I thought rusty was the creep among them but at least you know.. altering someone’s throughts to suit your own isn’t his go to move. Being excetsivly cocky and coming on too strong is but still better to take THAT out of the Zach Morris playbook than “brainwash people into dooing whatever you say because tha’ts not creeptagious.” And unsurpsingly it does not work.. on Lincoln it woroks on Meyrl for some reason. Thankfully it dosen’t though just.. Zach needs no power epsiecally over the mind. 

So UNSUPRSINGLY, Stella has the working plnan.. and also unsuprisingly the last three just did theres by running off, running off and shouting the loudest. Again somehow Rusty is NO LONGER the most obnoxious one of the group. Zach won that title this episode. He’s still the most pathetic.. but i’m the most done with Zach who adds nothing to the dynamic or the planet or anything and I wish would just go away. Your home planet needs you. 

But yeah Stella has the winning idea: pretending to be “Yodel Boy”, a student who was humilated at a talent show last year, proving sh’es not only a decent actress (I mean it’s obvious i’ts stella in a wig, padding and lederhosen, but points for the accent being okay and hey she’s in middle school), but also the smartest of them. Only one of those is a suprise. It works and Lincoln agrees. 

So the night of the talent show they’ve caught him up to speed and prepare to celebrate, only for clyd eto open the wrong locker and reveal the yodel boy suit. WHy it was in there instead of at Stella’s house where this wouldn’t happen?

But yeah the cat’s out of the bag and lincoln leaves, depressed his friends think that little of him and lied to him. Which.. yeah completely fair. They tried talking to him, it did not work.. they shoudl’ve just left it at that. It would’ve SUCKED if he got bullied true, but it was his choice to go out there and take a risk and do what he loves. As someone whose constnatly self concious and had to fight to start writing like i’m doing now, I envy that kind of youthful confidence and thus wholly support him. 

And finally.. so do his friends. Realizing they’ve been kinda crappy, they introduce lincoln instead and work as his assitants.. and.. it works. Stella gets sawn in half, Zach gets astounded by a card trick, and Liam wears a bunny outfit which is just.. precious. Good boy. Best boy. It’s a huge hit.. and we also get to seesome of the new background kids including one with pink hair who looks kinda nb. I’m just saying one of you should take a crack at them, they seem nice. But for now our heroes are haield as heroes, and the other 5 apologize to lincon and they do their now cemented and fucking adorable group hug. Happy ending to a pretty great episode, with decent gags, a good relatable plot, and Rusty being just the right amoutn of obnoxious. Good stuff.  So that does it for this week. If you liked this review like or reblog it, check out my other work and come back later today for some duck content. and every week once the show returns. Until the next rainbow, it’s been a pleasure. 

[pronoun-fucker]

Take a walk with me, through Watts: this is a hog city. Birds attacking birds: it's a hawk city. Hopscotch, block watch the chalk city. Cis, but it's a trans city. Walk with me, through the mind of a Trans who done lost every sista she grew up with. I'm just a trans sista, you, feeling me? Know my, energy low, cos radfems and the cis kill us. Chaz got a L, Elliot got an L, Caitlyn got a L. Hell, this shit is hell for all of us. Stalling us back generation cos cis radfems waiting to attack on trans sistas. That's hating, yo. That's just as sexist as anybody who stereotyped us. Even though we outta the binary chains we still remain fucked.

Part 8(?) of the free poetry slam

[cxffeeshxp]

“I just remembered that when I was a kid I swallowed like 8 things of Pop Rocks and then drank a whole can of Coke. You don’t think that counts as a suicide attempt, do you?“ Bliitzo for Chaz

{{ L }} "Who the fuck starts a conversation like that? I just sat down." And Chaz thought he was weird himself... Blitz really taking the cake.

[diffxrentwxrlds]

“I don’t need you.” helluvaxhazbin (moxxie for chaz)

{{ L }} "Woah, h-hold up Fo-Moxxie. Y-you aren't serious right, babe? I-I know I fucked up but we still good.. right, heh... right?"