#full mechanical 'this is what needs to be done so ill do it'. this being that last breaking point

[feymarche]

HEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHHEGFHEHHE

[tokyo-terror]

YOO IM IN LOVE WITH UR HCS THEY TASTE LIKE CHOCOLATE COVERED STRAWBERRIES AND FRUIT TEA :3

Request here 🙏🙏🙏

Could you possibly.. *leans on Bugatti with graves wrap on it + an inflatable eagle and American flag flying from the bonnet* write some hcs for 141 + König with a gn s/o that has had a really bad day and just needs some comfort? So eg, just being pampered and having their hair washed, being told they’ve done well, that people are proud of them and love them, etc?

Ive been having a really shitty past few months with my depression and anxiety and it’s really overwhelmed me so I’m kinda projecting.. 🧍🏼🧍🏼

If you can’t do it, that’s ok!!! No pressure <33

But if you can, may your skin be clear and may your crops flourish 🙏🙏🙏 (with america rizz) (im british)

i hate brits but ill make an exception for u 🫶 /lh i hope ur day gets a littol bit better for u pookie :< ik how hard it gets fr <3 we r in this together :)

cw: depression (not delved into !!)

simon "ghost" riley:

☆ this guy getss it !!! he doesn't open up much about his feelings directly but let's all be fr and agree he's not the most mentally stable

☆ your self care day is hiss self care day, thrives on cuddling and using you as weighted blanket while he rubs your back

☆ has himself a tea while you both cuddle, and trust me it's good tea. the night might turn into a cuddle and see how many teas simon can make before you run out

☆ before you fall asleep fully he kisses the crown of your head and says that he's proud of how far you've come

john "soap" mactavish:

☆ tries to be more lowkey w how he comforts you because he doesn't want to come off as overbearing

☆ has mastered the perfect balance of praise and touch, he holds your hand while you tell him about your day and he makes comments trying to sympathize w you

☆ lets you scritch his mohawk while he tells you how much he loves you and how glad he is that you're around and here with him

☆ lays his head on your chest when you both go to sleep so he can listen to your heartbeat and tap your arms to the beat of it, has both of you asleep within 5 minutes

john price:

☆ kinda awkward with comforting but he tries his best, he's always a little bit confused about how somebody like you could be so upset about anything

☆ he knows that it's not his place to fully understand though, so he sticks to doing what he does best: being an old ass man

☆ showers with you and washes your hair while you vent (or not) about how you've been feeling, he stays mostly silently except for humming to let you know he's listening

☆ towel dries your hair and changes the bedsheets to clean ones so you can be fully clean because he's a firm believer in being a little more tidy can greatly improve somebody's feelings

kyle "gaz" garrick:

☆ king of pampering in general, he's waiting on you hand and foot constantly. honestly he probably knows it's going to be a bad day before you even start your day

☆ he's always making you food to eat throughout the day, little snacks that aren't too big but are just enough to keep you energized and full

☆ ditches his military soaps for your nice ones when you take a shower, secretly (not rlly) loves when you laugh at him building bubble beards on himself and doing price impressions

☆ making you laugh is his goal in life tbh he's constantly cracking jokes while you both cuddle, some of them are so bad it's funny

könig:

☆ another guy that genuinely understands everything you're talking abt, his anxiety also makes him have awfulll days and due to being the military around lots of people he's learned coping mechanisms

☆ takes hot showers with you a lot in general, but even more when you're having one of those days. he's already washing your hair and face as soon as you get in

☆ lets you braid his hair while he talks idly about how missions are and how he adores you, though he says that in german. you've picked up on him saying cheesy stuff in german though so it's fine :)

☆ lets you sprawl out on him like a starfish when you both finally go to sleep, around 2am because of how many shows he wanted to watch with you

[deluxewhump]

The Scry

Ch 14: Your High Table

Prev

CW: noncon drugging, captivity, whumpee with powers, forced to use powers, vomiting and illness, fasting, creepy comfort and carewhumping

Then began a time he forgot himself, a time he can remember only in bits and pieces. Because it was done so skillfully, so relentlessly, it took him a long time to realize on any conscious articulate level that he was being drugged.

Hazy late summer mornings, long evenings, sunlight on golden floors and a gilded Louis XVI desk, moving slowly as the eternal hands of the clock. He didn’t have his laptop anymore, or a phone. It didn’t matter. He couldn’t focus. Once, he remembered trying to find a landline in the sprawling brick house, but found only a vintage candlestick phone in an office, not in any type of working condition. He held the old round receiver to his ear, cool and silent, and closed his eyes.

He thought he heard voices on the other end, but it was just the beginning of a dream. He came back to consciousness hearing their echo. Even if the phone worked, who would he call? He couldn’t remember Max’s cell. Emergency services would take him, probably, but they would figure out what he was and give him back to Spartan. Or worse. He might be in trouble with the government now, for all he knew. Running away was certainly a breach of contract.

He looked for his phone, but guessed it was in the safe in Erik’s office the size of a vending machine, like you’d find in an old bank. The front and back doors of the house would not unlock. There was a mechanism of some kind preventing it that he could only guess was controlled by an app on Dr Holstrom’s phone or a device like a key fob. Max would’ve pointed it out as a fire hazard. For some reason that thought made him laugh. The first floor windows didn’t open, either. So curious. He didn’t have the energy to entertain breaking one. That seemed absurd, and violent. He was very tired, and mostly just testing his surroundings like one tongues at a sore spot on the roof of one’s mouth.

These ventures exhausted him to the point of delirium, and he could not scry for two days afterward. Dr Holstrom didn’t interrogate him for the reason behind this, probably because the house was full of surveillance cameras and he already knew, but tended to him until he was well enough to work again. 

The cycle was unending. Erik would bring him to his office to scry. Carlo’s senses were heightened. He could smell the bourbon on the doctor’s breath, the mechanical warm smell coming off the computer on his desk, the late summer foliage outside, ripe going to rot. He closed his eyes and listened to an old voicemail recording of Clara Holstrom, trying to focus on her voice instead of the way the magnolia leaves outside the window clicked together like the green carapaces of beetles. Clara was thirty, wherever she was, a Smith graduate with tightly curly brown hair, brown eyes, and a knowing smile, so subtle in most of her pictures it was like she was asking him what he was doing looking for her. 

Clara was hard to find. For weeks he feared she might be dead, and then what would happen to him? He’d never tried to scry anything about the dead, he didn’t know if it could be done. It was like an intricate network of telephone wires, or a web of mycelium under the earth, and he just had to pick through the threads that lit up when he touched them, a map to what it was he wanted. The dead were no longer a part of the network. Sometimes the information he sought came to him like an image, a clip of a movie, a word, a number, a phrase. Sometimes it was a strong emotion, hitting him with full force. That made him sickest. With Clara he got nothing but anger again and again. It felt almost good. Righteous. He shared it with her. But when he came back to the study with Erik Holstrom, he needed to throw up, and his head was pounding like there was an axe in it. 

Dr Holstom pushed him harder than Max during these sessions. “Once more,” he’d say, maddeningly gentle but firm. He’d place his hand on the back of Carlo’s hot neck once he was done vomiting stomach bile into a plastic bag. “Once more for me, now. I know. It’ll be over soon.” And he’d replay the cursed voicemail. He heard Clara’s voice in his dreams. 

But Dr Holstrom looked after him afterward, which was more than Martin Olsen ever did. He’d lay him on the green chaise in his study, covering him with blankets or angling a fan toward him, depending on if he was shivering or burning up. He’d give him sugary juice through a straw, pain medicine that Carlo was afraid to ask what it was but took it anyway, because it worked, and not like Tylenol.

One night Erik brought out an IV pole with a bag of clear fluid and put a needle in the back of Carlo’s hand. He’d whimpered in weak dread as his vein burned with the influx of fluid but stopped a moment later when a delicious, giddy peace washed over him. He no longer felt the throbbing pain in his head, or his churning stomach, or the anxiety of his situation. Later he would remember thanking Erik with an unbridled rush of disgust for himself, but in the moment Erik was inevitable as a god, all-powerful and luckily—by chance— merciful. Someone who cared about him when he didn’t have to. Like Max. 

“Shh,” Erik had responded to his drugged thanks, brushing his hair gently back from his forehead. “I think we are closer to her than you think. I know we are. I so appreciate you and your gift. You are an angel, do you know that? A divine tool. Providence.” Erik kissed the back of his non-IV hand and Carlo had to close his eyes to ride the next euphoric, drugged wave that flooded his every physical sensation. 

One evening he woke up and it was already dark. He stared at the clock on the bedside table for a long time, trying to understand if it was morning or evening. Finally he realized it was evening, and that’s why he could smell food cooking downstairs. It was dark because the days were getting shorter. It was autumn. How long had he been here?

He sat up, doing an inventory of his body and finding he was only a little achy, but not in pain. He felt clearer than he’d felt in weeks and weeks, and it was then he was sure he’d been being drugged. Of course he had. Well, and consistently. But how? He knew there were drugs in the IV Erik gave him when he was done scrying, but it was more than that. He’d wake up midmornings and be unable to keep his eyes open, fall back asleep til afternoon. He’d sit at the table at night and placidly fork whatever food was put in front of him into his mouth. He’d shower in cool water for twenty minutes at a time, getting lost in the way the rivulets came together and separated again on the frosted glass of the door. 

Tonight he dressed and went downstairs to dinner, but this time did not eat. When the doctor  asked him why he wouldn’t touch his food, he answered, “because I need to figure out how you’re drugging me. And because if I fast, I’ll get better results from scrying.”

Erik looked mildly perturbed rather than surprised. He set down his fork and took a sip of his white wine. “Is that so?”

“If I’m fasted, and clear headed, I can probably find her. You really haven’t been doing yourself any favors keeping me fucked up like that.”

“Mind your tongue at my table, child.”

Carlo took a sip of ice water. He was angry, and the little reprimand didn’t sting as much as it would otherwise. “If you compared notes with Martin Olsen, you’d have known that weeks ago. Or if you’d asked me before doping me up so bad I couldn’t remember where I was.”

“I thought I was doing you a favor.” Erik remained polite and composed, but Carlo could tell by now when there was a stiffness in his shoulders, irritation in his jaw. “I didn’t realize how painful your ability is for you to use. My goal was simply to keep you out of pain.”

Your goal was to incapacitate me. “I’ll be fine. I need to fast for a day or two, and then I’ll look for Clara. I don’t think she wants to be spied on. But I don’t really care at this point. If I find her, will you still hold up your end of the deal?”

Erik resumed eating, not bothered enough by Carlo’s antics to miss enjoying a meal. “Of course. I gave you my word.”

Carlo took another sip of water. His stomach growled. Good, he thought. Yes. 

[rebornologist]

Greetings!

I was wondering if u could write some headcanons of gokudera (khr) with a chronically ill s/o (struggling with exhaustion, migraines and joint/bone pains)?

Absolutely understandable though if you don't feel comfortable writing this though.

Regardless I wish you a day as wonderful as your writing! :)

Hii anon! Thank you for this idea, I love talking about Gokudera.. I honestly don't know too much about these chronic illness symptoms, aside from my experience with some friends.. so these are not super specific, but here are my thoughts!

♡ Hayato Gokudera & a chronically ill s/o ✧

no warnings this time, yippee!

༚✧⁺˳₊˚‿︵‿︵‿୨୧ · ˳ · ♡ · ˳ · ୨୧‿︵‿︵‿˚₊˳⁺✧༚

Gokudera is our post-trauma stress-induced stomachache girlie, so he understands just a bit how hard it is to be hugely impacted by something that you cannot really control, but he’s fairly supportive of your management efforts and coping mechanisms.

He took a minute to be more mindful of his volume when his partner has a migraine, because he can be pretty loud, especially when he’s too excited about seeing them to check his volume. After he gets the hang of being quieter around his partner when they’re having migraines, he begins to expand that to anyone or anything else in the area. It’s a bit much.

He’s the type of person to enjoy lounging around with his s/o’s head in his lap, and him just silently reading a good book (his favourite creature feature of the time) until his partner feels a bit better. As he grew older, he learned to value quality time more as he got busier with more serious work stuff.

Physical touch is a big enough love language for him that he would be willing to help them massage whatever they need him to for comfort or easing the pain, though joint pain can be difficult to handle. His hands are calloused and rough, but he has a dedicated pocket where he quickly and quietly slips all his rings into, before stretching out his fingers and offering to apply pressure where it's needed.

He always offers help verbally or asks for his s/o’s confirmation before doing anything, even if it’s a routine thing that they do together, and even checking in to make sure that what he’s doing is helping at all. Some people would say that he should know what to do without asking, but he wants to be sure that it’s what they need in the moment, and he also.. just enjoys the exchange.

There are times when he may see his partner as too ailed by their chronic pain and might even be a little overbearing. How much is too much? It’s your call, but he’s probably gone there. Communication is key with Hayato, he’s prone to overthinking and shutting down if he feels that he’s done something wrong. It’s because he’s so full of love and care for the people that he’s dedicated himself to. It might weigh on him more than they'd like, because he just wants so badly for them to live comfortably.

He would feed his s/o better than he fed himself, probably. He’s only a little into the Eastern medicine thing but believes that there has to be some remedies to manage the symptoms and is fairly keen to try out more hollistic approaches. He feels all warm and fuzzy whenever his partner shares that they’re feeling generally better lately and will vehemently stick with whatever had the greatest positive effect, which can be a bit of overkill.

He'll go on walks with his s/o if it helps with their joint pain, and will make sure that they have the most peaceful and unbothered stroll, even if it means he has to mean mug everyone else that walks by. Enjoy the scary dog privilege :) If his partner does the thing where they lie on their back and elevate their legs, sometimes he'll walk in when they're doing it and use it as an opportunity to plant a few little kisses on their face. He will absolutely join if they requested, also. He's also not completely pain free as he ages and yknow.. puts his body through the wringer more, especially in his back, so it helps him too!

I love him, I think he would be the bitch wrapping his fingers in salonpas after he develops bomb-constructing induced RSI. He's too young to smell like an old man with his cigarettes and ointments... anyway, I'll stop projecting. many many love, ghostiee ♡♡

[npdmonoma]

Can "narcissistic abuse" be something we consider outside of people with NPD? I don't believe in PDs at all as someone who's been diagnosed with one, and I'm very anti psychiatry. However mechanisms of what's described as "narcissistic abuse" are real phenomena and I'm wondering if we can address these situations without linking it to a diagnosis or condemning people as permanently and irreparably broken because they're making those choices in one context

Actually read some more posts on your blog and I think I found an answer that satisfies me in this topic ... I think the move forward would be to unlink certain constellations of behavior (gaslighting, DARVO, etc.) From having a PD. Honestly recognizing that someone who abused me was likely struggling with NPD made it easier to find empathy for them but I still had questions in my mind about how to address this specific pattern

I added your second ask here so I can address them both at the same time. Starting with your statement about not believing in personality disorders due to being anti-psychiatry, this is a statement I both do and don't agree with. All mental health diagnoses are created by psychiatrists by observing patterns of behavior that they label as aberrant and give a name to. So in that sense, they're "not real" because NPD isn't some objective observable thing. However, as long as anyone finds value in using that framework to understand themselves and hopefully begin healing, it should continue to exist as a concept. I personally find incredible value in the diagnosis, and have made significant strides toward healing and becoming a better person since I started applying that concept to myself.

That being said, I do believe in psychiatric abolition. What you said about not labeling people as inherently broken is part of my dissatisfaction with the state of mental healthcare. People with personality disorders can heal, even if our disorders never fully leave us. There's also reason to believe that the idea that personality disorders almost never go into full remission is either partially or fully false. Either way, we aren't broken. Or at least, we aren't required to view ourselves as such.

Second, you're absolutely correct that the things that get labeled as "narcissistic abuse" are real phenomena. I have never, and will never, deny that people who call themselves narcissistic abuse survivors have experienced abuse. I honestly believe that they did. However, those phenomena aren't inherently linked to NPD. I have yet to see an example of "narcissistic abuse" that wasn't just a textbook example of (usually emotional) abuse. There is no need to call it narcissistic, you can just call it abuse. That's what it is.

And yes, you're very correct that we need to disconnect patterns of abuse from personality disorders. We shouldn't be linking any mental illness/neurodivergence to abusive behavior. All that does is cause stigma that leads to people being hated for something they can't really control, and something that oftentimes was done to them. I don't deserve to be hated for what my abusers turned me into. No one does.

I'm glad you were able to find understanding and empathy for your abuser, as that seems to have been healing for you. I'm genuinely happy for you. However, the fact that in your case you learned something about your abuser that gave you context for what happened doesn't mean that thing is inherently linked to abuse in general. My father was likely autistic, and I can see how this played into his abuse of me. And yet, I would never say he abused me autistically, because he didn't. He just abused me. There are abusers in every demographic that exists, but that doesn't mean that the entire demographic gets discarded. People who have never abused anyone don't deserve to be called abusers, especially when they're abuse victims themselves.

Thank you for your curiosity and for having an open mind about this. I appreciate you taking the time to think this through, and I'm glad I was able to help in some way. My apologies if I went over something you already figured out for yourself, but I figured it was best to be thorough.

[sailorrose19]

Obey me headcanon/ AU idea: If Lilith lived

CW: Mentions of death, suicide, suidical thoughts, attempted suicide, blood, self harm, PTSD,

MC and Lilith are not distantly related in this

Well all know what happened during the Great Celestial War and Lilith was fatally shot after Beel had to make a difficult choice to save either his twin or his beloved baby sister well... Lilith survives just barely when the arrow struck giving her a very nasty scar at the base of her wings and they all fell. Lucifer held Lilith in his arms weeping apology after apology for causing the Great Celestial War. Lord Diavolo and Barbatos show up and well know Lucifer swears his alligence and loyalty to Diavolo in exchange to save Lilith's life but instead of reincarnating her to be a human, she is treated for her injuries in a separate room from the brothers due to their severity she sustained in the war. Once she and her brothers were nursed back to health, the Demon King gave them their titles until Lilith was given her title as The Avatar of Despair. Though her physical wounds and injuries healed, her mental and emotional state didn't. When Satan came along after being born out of Lucifer's pure, raw, unfiltered and unadulterated wrath she wasn't sure of how to approach her new brother until when he flew into his rages, her demon powers awakened and managed to stop him when she saw that he was on his knees and tears fell from his eyes. (Think of Steven Universe's Blue Diamond and her powers) This was her Pathokinesis which was discovered can affect anything and anyone within her aura feeling intense sadness and grief.

In Nightbringer if she lived, Lilith doesn't have much control over her Pathokinesis making her brothers cry with her powers whenever she has an emotional breakdown. There are times that she would have terrible nightmares of the Great Celestial War and this was in contribution to her PTSD and CPTSD. She would constantly blame herself for their fall believing fate was cruel to let her live and this made her suicidal leaving her suicide letter in Lucifer's room but her attempts of ending it all were stopped by her brothers mainly the twins. Lucifer had stopped her attempted suicide when she tried to use a knife against her throat. Of course he'd lecture her to never do what she did again which triggered her pathokinesis.

"I get it okay! I'm the black sheep of this family!"

"Lilith, you need to calm down. Your powers are acting up again."

Lucifer understands the severity of her emotional instability and tries to not be so harsh with her in his lectures and assures her that he along with the rest of her brothers don't hate her. Her feelings towards humans is reserved after what happened with her lover and is left in the dark with their fate if they lived or die. Swore she would never fall in love again especially with a human. Hates Valentine's Day but stays for the chocolates and Beel gives her some that were discounted the day after.

In SWD the present timeline: Lilith has better control of her pathokinesis and has a healthier coping mechanism when she has another emotional breakdown. Lucifer revealed to her that he had locked Belphie away for his own protection, because he was openly against the human race and put Diavolo's exchange program in jeopardy and since she was the only one that knew, he forced her to keep silent about it and make tell her other brothers he was sent to the human world as part of the exchange program. When MC came along, Lilith kept her distance from them not wanting history to repeat itself. And in the events of lesson 16 seeing what Belphie had done killing MC her pathokinetic powers are in full flare affecting everyone with her intense sadness.

"Belphie... Stop this you're hurting them!"

"What have you done... WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!!!!!!"

"All I see is a monster in place of the brother I once loved!"

It was almost the same pain she felt when she found out the human she loved was dying of an incurable illness.

When MC is alive again, she promises never to take their presence for granted and both of them weren't ready to forgive Belphie for what he had done and confessed why she kept her distance from them and that she didn't hate them or did anything wrong other than forge pacts with them to free her brother from his prison and to have them be a family again.

"I... I guess I could forge a pact with you. Think of it as my apology for being so distant and aloof towards you."

"MC, why are you crying? I said you can make a pact with me."

"They're not sad tears, they're tears of joy."

I do headcanon that if Lilith lived and became a demon along with her brothers her demon powers would include pathokinesis which is the power to control the emotions of those around you. The House of Lamentation isn't big enough for two emo demons. Yes, I do see Lilith as an emo goth girlfriend.

[spnwin-reader]

Loss in common:

Enter Millie, The Prickly-but-Hopeful Fixer

[We note that, even after all this time, Millie's building carries the MoL Aquarian star of protection, and it's still Winchester Garage, not...whatever-her-maiden-name is.]

When we first meet Millie, she's bitter. As the one who "kept the lantern on," "the one who stayed," she's hurt and defensive, a lot like how Dean grows to be in latter seasons of SPN.

(Even post-demonicity, Dean is still expected to be the soft place to fall for everyone. Even after Jack kills Mary, Cas has this expectation of Dean's soft-heartedness: "it's possible he could work through this. One day, he may explode and let it all out and breathe deeply and move on.")

Anyway, Millie!

Her reunion with John is part passive-aggressive but loving. We see that Millie, like Dean, has intense abandonment trauma. She speaks abrasively-but-affectionately. She calls John "Kid, Kiddo, etc." which was a go-to with Dean for both Claire Novak and Jack Kline.

JOHN: Love what you've done with the place. MILLIE (passive-aggressive): Well, my husband and son walked out on me, so. It's the best I could do. (growing emotional) Dammit. Welcome home, Kiddo.

Gruff, abrasive, imperfect? Maybe. But full of love.

Alt John and Millie are united by the common loss of Henry, just as Prime John, Sam, and Dean were united by the common loss of Mary.

John thinks Henry walked out on them, but I think Millie is likely more complex. With her tacit knowledge of the Men of Letters, I think it's reasonable that she at least suspects that he might be dead.

What does that tell us about her? It tells us that the loss of Henry was unbelievably painful--it's probably easier for her to consider he left than the very likely truth: his demise.

She's a fixer. That's what she does.

She holds out hopeless hope.

JOHN: I'm fine, Mom. MILLIE: The Hell you are. You've been chasing your dad since he walked out that door. I know that's why you enlisted. But it is time to let the past go, kiddo.

But Millie isn't healed either. She hasn't let the past go, even as she pursues her dream of being a mechanic and owning a garage (like her father). Letting the past go hasn't helped her heal.

In fact, carrying on hunting and the MoL business is what seems to soothe her loss, giving her new meaning and purpose. Millie and John's push-pull dynamic with hunting is much like how it was with Ellen and Jo Harvelle.

///

But overall, we see what Henry's absence wrought. It's just as Henry feared in SPN Prime (9x17 Mother's Little Helper):

HENRY: Therein lies the problem. As our initiation grows closer, I... I worry that this might be a selfish endeavor on my part. JOSIE: Selfish. How? HENRY: If anything were to happen to me, what of John? Millie? JOSIE: They'd be proud to know that you answered the call. HENRY: No. My wife would be a widow, and my son fatherless. I don't expect you to understand. You don't have a fam--[he pauses] I'm sorry, Josie. I didn't mean it that way. JOSIE: I know, Henry. You're a good man. Millie is lucky to have you.

This directly parallels Cas and his allegiance to his work, Heaven, (Heaven is a truck, and Cas is a truck-driver; Dean thinks he's Josie when he's actually Millie).

It also beings to mind the visual of ("little John") Jack's entrance as he wanders around muttering, "Father. Fa-ther. Father. I need to find him. Castiel. He was supposed to be here," while looking for his long-expected, lost father in 13x01 Lost and Found.

But it's also an off-key parallel to prime John, who would become as Millie was, a bereft widower in the cold, floundering and ill-equipped to handle the dangers of the supernatural world.

///

Enter Mary, Action Hero

(Note: Mary's got a short range, so I love how she uses speed to her advantage to get larger targets off-balance.)

///

And importantly, John...is NOT allowed to look cool. It's a RULE. He's a dorky...little...guy.

Mary knocks the demon into a blessed holy water vat, a call-forward to something prime John will do in SPNprime 01x21 Salvation.

//

When Alt John and Alt Mary meet:

Mary's father has been absent (missing) from her life for a short time, and John's father Henry has been absent for most of his life, just as when Dean and Cas meet, theirs too is a tale of missing fathers. Cas's father was absent for all of his life, and Dean's flaky dad has been gone for a (relatively) short time. It also very obviously parallels Sam and Dean searching for their missing father.

When they break inside the Men of Letters clubhouse, Mary keys into John's emotions about his father. This reminds me of of the first time Dean keyed in really hard to Cas's emotions in 5x16.

///

JOHN: How do you cope with it all? MARY (wryly, jokingly): I'll let you know when I find out. (SPNwin 1x01)

//

DEAN: Yeah, I get it. I know how you feel. CASTIEL: How do you manage it? DEAN (wryly, jokingly): On a good day, you get to kill [The Whore of Babylon]. (SPN 5x17)

///

Recent losses of friends & family:

Additionally, Mary and John have both suffered recent losses. Mary lost her narrative twin Maggie, and John lost his comrade Murph to war.

[Mary's cousin went to Hell, just as Sam's brother went to Hell in season in vintage and mid-SPN.] Mary's hunting family was torn asunder, parents separating.

And John? WIth war, John signed up to fill a void left by his father, to find meaning in life.

We can even recall Dean's words to Gordon in 2x03 Bloodlust, how Dean struggled with the idea of "The Invincible Dad" and how his death made the word more terrifying, how it left a wound of depression inside of him that he sought to fill with meaning through work:

DEAN: Yeah. Yeah, you know. He was just one of those guys. Took some terrible beatings, just kept coming. So you're always thinking to yourself, he's indestructible. He'll always be around, nothing can kill my dad. Then just like that (snaps) he's gone. I can't talk about this to Sammy. You know, I gotta keep my game face on. (clears throat) But, uh, the truth is I'm not handling it very well. Feel like I have this - GORDON: Hole inside you? And it just gets bigger and bigger and darker and darker? Good. You can use it. Keeps you hungry. Trust me. There's plenty out there needs killing, and this'll help you do it. Dean, it's not a crime to need your job.

Dean lost his dad, and Gordon lost his sister. This emptiness is depression. John lost his dad and suffered that loss all his life. He signed up to the war for the GLORY OF PURPOSE. He didn't sign up to the war for more pain and grief, but that's exactly what he got.

What's the thing Dean can't fill up, not with booze or love or even sex? It's grief and pain. It can only be filled with love, which is what Cas's confession narratively does in 15x18.

It's also what Mary's love and the love of the Core 4 will eventually do for John.

///

SPN Prime season 8 side-parallel: Connections of recent grief ALSO calls to mind season 8, how Sam connected with Amelia when they had both suffered a loss, Sam lost his narrative twin to Purgatory and Amelia lost her husband to war.

Theirs was a fast-paced reactionary relationship born of grief, something that pinged and annoyed Amelia's father, leading him to be very passive-aggressive with Sam. (Her father was a dick, but he's both a soldier himself and does know her best and probably has her best interests in mind. He recognized that was Amelia mid-freakout, OOC. He pings that her out-of-characterness is a weird reaction to grief).

He was right to be concerned about the shallowness and stability of it. These types of reactionary relationships are well-known: they can be very shaky, melodramatic, idealized, and weak when stress-tested.

Sam (and vintage Dean) both have this tendency to be all-in or all-out when it comes to The Cause. Neither strike a balance very easily. They tend to either be ALL IN for the Perfect War with Perfect War Companions at Your Side...or rushing into something tenuous that represents a weak idea that winds up unsatisfying because it's not genuine: Perfect White Picket Fence or Howling-at-the-Moon Dishibitory Party Life.

In SPNwin, John is doing a lot of running, too. He rushes into the thing with Betty (weak and tenuous), then he rushes into war, he rushes into hunting, and he runs into the relationship with Mary.

This theme of Running into Danger / Running From Danger persists. John certainly struggles with it, BUT in a departure from his past behavior, this new thing with Mary gets a lot of stress-testing, eventually moving from limerence into turbulence, power struggle, and de-idealization. (SPNwin 1x12, The Tears of a Clown)

///

SO.

Mary and her ragtag gang of friends embark on a journey to look for the missing Samuel Campbell the way Sam and Dean look for the errant John Winchester, the way the Banes twins look for their mother Tasha Banes in Twigs, Twine, & Tasha Bane.

Certainly the core 4 are all "running scared" and clinging to one another, having all lost loved ones in a variety of ways. They are united in empathy over their respective losses:

John (dad, comrades)

Mary (narrative sibling, missing dad, splintered family and parental separation)

Carlos (whole family killed by a monster)

Lata (no-contact with her family because they allowed her beloved nanny to die; nonsensical/cruel hierarchy of human society)

Ada (husband lost to madness, son potentially a puppy-destined-to-be-wolf)

And finally we get Henry's letter:

If you're reading this, then I'm gone. I'm sorry I kept the truth from you, John. There's a dangerous world out there, and our family has fought that danger for centuries. The answers to all your questions are at the address below. I love you and your mother. Always.

I think this idea of Henry Winchester as a secret-keeper, and as Mary-prime as a secret-keeper fed into what we know about John-prime turned into: a neuroses of paranoia and over-preparedness.

But thanks to Dean, Alt John has some new tools to work through this: knowledge. Even his anger is useful, openly telling his mother how disappointed and betrayed he feels over being kept in the dark. For her part, she gives him her emotional truth: that she only wanted to protect him.

It's the first healing step for both of them.

[neitherabaron]

You mentioned that you've finished writing Gobelins, and I'm wondering if you're gonna raise money to produce it, or do it out of your own pocket? Either way, I'm very excited to hear it, hope your op goes well!

Thanks for a great question! There's definitely gonna be an Indiegogo fundraiser at some point before I start production, but the scale of that is going to need to depend on what my life is looking like at that time. In other words, when I’m physically able to devote time to the album again, I’m going to have to assess my capacity before deciding the scope of the project.

Basically, there's an "ideal" way I'd like to make Carnaval des Gobelins, with a physical edition, cool merch for backers, guest musicians and liner art commissions. I think it's gonna be the most satisfying experience for listeners and the best move from a "growing my business" point of view - producing that kind of stuff gives me a chance to order excess merch and another little revenue stream, which would take me a little step closer to making this my main job. But, it's also a big project to manage and as much as I want to do it that way, I'm not gonna bet on being physically well enough to do that until things are clearer. I'm pretty dang ill.

Then there are other options - like limiting that stuff to a digital version for Bandcamp and streaming, plus physical CDs that are a bit more pared-down in terms of liner content. And on the other side of the spectrum, there's just producing a digital album, like I did for The Wassailant, which while still a big project would be logistically simpler and would require the least amount of funding.

I'm going to run a fundraiser no matter what the scope ends up being and the reason for that is that I'm handling the production for C des Gs alone, in my studio. I have a great set-up and good technical knowledge nowadays and can make stuff with much higher production values without the spiralling costs of studio and engineer hire. However, to get the album done, I'm going to need to treat it as a part-time job for about a year and so I'm going to have to find a way to help me through that time financially. The reason I was able to finish The Wassailant within a year was because of all the time spent at home during the pandemic! I'm not going to start production until I find a new part-time day job anyway, so I certainly won't be trying to raise the sort of money to depend on! But I probably will be earning less from a day job while I work on the album and I will need a small amount to supplement that/keep for emergencies if something goes wrong for me in that time - so that I don't have to halt production part way through.

So the low-scope, digital-only version would still be a crowd-funded affair, just a fairly low scale one. For the big one with all the cool rewards and awesome CDs and everything, I guess my other mini-worry is I don't actually know whether the funding goals I’d have to set to produce all the awesome extras are actually realistic to what people can afford. I don’t know if I could fund a project at the same level as a Mechanisms album for example, because I don’t have the same reach the band did. But we’re probably looking at something comparable, cost-wise, to The Bifrost Incident (but closer to its goal, not the final amount it was pledged) to produce the “full scope” version. Plus, the last time I ran projected costs for the project was before the cost of living crisis, so I don't know right now whether the CD/merch suppliers' costs will have increased.

I genuinely feel a ton of support and goodwill from people like you who really want to listen and I know there are plenty of you! But also I truly don't want to assume anything from you, so we'll have to see how realistic it is to make the full bells-and-whistles version, financially or in terms of my capacity, nearer the time. The way I'm feeling as I type this is that I may run the Indiegogo with a lower inital goal and just a couple of reward tiers (aiming to fund production and release the digital album and a simpler physical edition) and try to do some of the other stuff like an expanded liner or producing merch (and making merch available at discounted rates to backers who want it) as stretch goals.

Anyway, that is almost definitely a much longer answer than you were looking for, so I'll stop now. I really do appreciate the great ask; having the chance to thing about a proper answer has helped me straighten a few conflicts in my head that were causing me a little worry. Hope you have a great day!

If you've read this far, thanks! Please reblog this if this sort of thing is something you'd be interested in supporting and would like to spread the word. I don't know when I'll be ready to start a campaign, but I want more than anything to get dates for my ops, recover to the extent I can, and do it soon.

[birdbutt]

personal tma episode today woohoo I suppose (uh.... cw for rotten/scary ?food? I guess)

I work in mail sorting. In one of The Big mail sorting plants, the kind of building lined with conveyor belts that take things across the building, up and down different floors, just wherever it needs to get to so it can leave in the right direction to the local stations and parcel carriers. A big mechanical nervous system. Filled with packages or letters instead of flesh or blood.

You find a lot of weird things in the mail. You just have to learn to ignore it. It gets weirder even on the overnight shift. Not just drugs or other illegal oddities, but those truly bizarre sights you know you'll have no way of describing later. If you even remember them after a long night.

8pm to 5am is when I'm there. We even sort on Sundays. Have to get the mail to your station by Monday you know? I usually like to listen to podcasts while I work. I mean, I'm just standing in place, waiting for that labyrinth of moving belts and conveyors to drop the next round of mail into my chute so I can start sorting the zip codes. I'll put each package on another conveyor belt, key in a code on a small number console, then watch the package get taken away and dropped into another cart or chute somewhere. There's four other drop chutes just like mine, lined up along the main belt behind me, with another equally bored or just plain tired plant worker waiting for the next round of endless deliveries to sort. All listening to their own music or books or even having a late night phone conversation. Today I was playing The Magnus Archives. It really didn't feel like it would matter what I listened to at the time. I was in the middle of episode 36 - Taken Ill, and as the narrator started describing the sickly horror of the scripted week a package at the top of my chute broke open and a slimy, pale yellow, almost gray fluid starts pouring out... well oozing out. It seemed slow, but happened so fast that I couldn't have done anything to help minimize it even if I wanted to get close enough to do that. It got over everything. The belt, the chute, the other packages, even the floor. It didn't just get my area either. When it broke it was still close enough to the main conveyor belt that it spread to the other four chutes after me too. The smell was so strong I almost couldn't move at first. Almost sweet. Before the strench of almost tangible rot slammed it's way so hard into my brain my legs nearly gave out.

Well the stench obviously traveled all over. Farther than normal I guess. Everyone on our floor level could smell it and was coming over to find out what happened. I mean everyone too which is impressive. This is not a small building, it takes about five minutes for someone fit to speed walk from one end of our floor to the other. So it was kind of a joke everytime we caught another brave soul wandering over from so far to try and figure out just what the hell they were being forced to smell.

We get people trying to mail cooked foods or meals all the time, it always turns rotten before the package even makes it to a sorting plant. Always. It's so stupid, but also so common you hardly notice it after a couple months there. A turkey sandwich in a manilla envelope, ham with mashed potatoes on a ceramic plate, a plastic baggy of homemade pickles. Almost makes me chuckle sometimes. Well, almost chuckle AFTER, the slime and smell of what used to be something consumable gets mopped up. So that full bodied stench of old organic rot isn't foreign to us in the plants by any means. Nobody could say for sure what had rotted though, but we all agreed it was definitely familiar. When we removed the box from the top of the chute we still couldn't figure out what it was. Usually when one of these busts we get to see what ever moldy, decomposed chunk meat or produce someone tried to mail ooze out of the soggy cardboard when picked up. This was somehow just slime. A molded pale yellow that almost seemed gray. There wasn't anything else. It looked like someone had packaged up only the decay while leaving out what originally fed it. If there had ever been anything else it seemed to have already completely liquefied. And it filled the entire box and more. It seemed to be too much for the package that broke. We all tried to joke about how long the package must have been lost in the twisted turns of the never ending veins of sorting machinery to get /that/ rancid, but we couldn't bare to keep our mouth open too long around it. Thinking back I don't remember anyone actually complaining about the SMELL, just how it was stronger than normal, strong enough to taste. All from a square box barely 7 inches long. A box that hadn't even smelled until it spilled open. Or we thought it had spilled, we couldn't see what might have been the tape holding it closed anywhere in the soggy mess.

Because it was just so... wet we almost forgot to check if the mailing info was still intact any any way before we binned it for another crew to inspect and clean. No chance of saving it at this point. The address had melted away into that yellowish sick of spoiled matter, but the postage mark was still dry. Pristine even. A bright unmarked spot of bright dry paper on a sea of decomposing filth where there sat a single fly. That lonely insect drawing my attention to the smallest bit of information that I would have never noticed, or thought to check, without the dance it seemed to do right on top. Pointing me to the punchline of a joke I never wanted to know.

It had been sent locally that same day.

You find a lot of weird things in the mail. You just have to learn to ignore it.

[oxydiane]

Sirius clutches the handles of his motorbike harder. His heart races and his mind keeps wandering back to the empty house he had just left. The house Peter was supposed to be hiding in.

He feels ill as he speeds through the night sky, the only thing on his mind getting to Godric's Hollow as fast as possible. He needed to calm his nerves. It couldn't– It couldn't have happened, but he needed to be sure, to check. He was just going to drop by quickly, maybe give James a hug and Harry a kiss on the forehead because Merlin knows what would take for his hands to stop shaking. He grips the handles harder.

He looks at the night sky to get his mind off the destination, the constellations above him and the clouds surrounding him. Being able to recognise the stars and planets embroidered in the dark sky was not a skill he ever particularly liked, no matter how much wonder and amazement it instilled in his friends and peers. Constellations and planets just reminded him of the family he had run away from, but it was familiar, and it was mechanical. So Sirius starts naming all the stars he can recognise to calm the trembling in his hands and the shaking of his breath.

If he felt ill during the flight, the sight that meets him when he lands makes him want to bend over and vomit his late dinner all over the Potters' gate.

The Fidelius has fallen. The house is in ruins. James–

His legs seem to move all by themselves, he makes his way across the front garden in seconds and runs inside. Sirius' voice is stuck in his throat, he wants to scream and call out for his best friend but words aren't coming out. Is he too scared not to hear James call back?

He comes to a full stop in front of the stairs. A distinctive sting from the corner of his eyes and the back of his throat is the only thing that grounds him, because the sight of his best friend laying on the ground, eyes open and lifeless feels like something out of his worst nightmares. It can't be real, it can't.

But it is.

Sirius shakes as he frantically searches for James' pulse, but feels nothing. James' body is still warm.

The crying of a baby pierces through the silence of the night and Sirius thinks he has never been happier to hear that sound. Harry– Harry is alive?

With a shudder, he gets up and rushes to the source of the crying. He feels like vomiting all over again when he sees Lily's body on the floor, her bright green eyes now dull forever. She must still be warm, too.

What he didn't expect to see, though, was Rubeus Hagrid, Hogwarts' Keeper of the Keys, holding a crying Harry with both his big hands. He feels his stomach do a backflip, he needs to take Harry.

'Sirius–' Hagrid speaks, his voice full of emotion. 'I– So sorry–'

Other words attempting comfort must be coming out of his mouth but Sirius can't hear any of them. His eyes are fixed on Harry and how small he looks in Hagrid's hand.

'Hagrid,' he interrupts the half-Giant, 'Give Harry to me, Hagrid, I'm his Godfather, I'll look after him.' His hands twitch, he is desperate.

'Afraid I can' do that,' replies Hagrid and Sirius thinks his heart might have actually shrunken twice in size. 'Dumbledore said Harry was ter go ter his aunt an' uncle's.'

'Dumbledore is not–!' Sirius takes a shaking breath, trying to calm himself down lest he wants to end up yelling and escalating the situation. 'Dumbledore is not his guardian, I am, give him to me, Hagrid.'

'Dumbledore's word's law, yer know that,' Hagrid said simply and Sirius couldn't decide if he wanted to take Harry and make a run for it or take Harry and then blast Hagrid as far as he could. He decided neither would be wise.

'Where do you have to take him?' He changes his approach.

'Somewhere in Surrey, Little Whinging, I reckon.'

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

'Take– Take my motorcycle. Take it and bring Harry there safe.'

'Really?' asks Hagrid, amazed. 'Wouldn't yer need it?'

Sirius shakes his head. Dumbledore still thinks he was James and Lily's Secret Keeper. He is done for.

'I won't need it anymore. Just be sure Harry is safe, please.'

Hagrid gives him a sympathetic smile before patting his back with one of his large hands and leaving.

Sirius is still shaking when he hears the engine roar and the distinctive sound of his motorbike taking off. He makes his way down the stairs and crouches down in front of James' body.

'I'm so sorry, Prongs,' his voice trembles, 'I failed you again.'

He takes James' glasses off and closes his eyelids, the hazel pupils looking at him so devoid of life were making him feel sick. James was never going to look at him again.

Closing the front door, he sits down and takes his head into his hands, mind racing. James was gone, Lily was gone, and Harry was gone. Harry was gone. Dumbledore would do him in and lock him up in Azkaban. Would Azkaban really be that much worse than the stinging in his chest and the violent twists in his stomach at that moment?

He can't stop seeing Harry's tiny face, now adorned by a scar and still so fresh in his mind. They wouldn't let him near Harry. They had taken that from him, too.

The end, that is the end. There is nothing left to lose.

Sirius stands up and decides that he doesn't have it in himself to go with grace. He is going to track Peter down and make him pay, even if it kills him.

He's got nothing left to lose.

[gunsli-01]

So, Triage was certainly a thing huh. Whelp, let me tell you. I've been listening to triage all day and I have some thoughts that may just conflict with everything else said. So, watch me go against my own interests and state for all to see despite me personally voting Shidou Innocent I'm certain he's everything but that!

I believe Shidou’s spouse may have gotten sick which is what initially made him begin taking organs. However, since he was also the main source of income for his household he was gone often. His wife may have still taken care of the house but was not really permitted to do too many strenuous activities because of her illness. Inevitably, her illness worsened, and she was put into a hospital full time. The beginning of Triage even alludes to this being the case with lyrics,

“Those cards of promise I discarded were they retribution for my incessant taking. In that case, I should have been the one. That’s the correct answer, but then why?”

He was already taking organs before his children were impacted more than likely to save his wife from whatever illness she had. In Shidou’s second interrogation he says,

“You saw my true self, didn’t you? There ought to be very few people who have killed more than I have. In comparison to me, the prisoners who weren’t forgiven have also hardly done anything wrong.”

He responds to Es’ assertion that his murder was the act of harvesting organs from brain dead patients with,

“Well… About halfway, I would say."

Es assumed that Shidou’s patients were brain dead and he’s halfway correct but that’s pretty far from correct. Chances are Shidou’s patients were not brain dead but more than likely in vegetative or comatose states with possibly very little chance of recovery. Es is once again seeing what he wants to see here and creating the best-case scenario to justify the choices already made.

Even worse Shidou could have lied to his patients families stating they were brain dead when they weren’t in order to persuade them into pulling the plug faster. When he confronts family members of his patients in Throw Down, he has no paperwork concerning the individual being discussed. So, the family members just have to take his word on it. This is shown being the case multiple times.

Even worse we see the actual patient records scatter through the air and strewn down at Shidou's feet near the end of his first mv.

Average people wouldn’t be able to immediately tell the difference between brain death and a coma.

“Their loved one who has suffered from an injury to the brain is in a hospital intensive care unit. Doctors are doing everything possible to help the patient including supporting blood pressure and heart rate with medications, breathing for the patient with a ventilator, and constantly monitoring the patient’s condition. Often, for the patient with a non-traumatic brain injury like a stroke, there is no outward sign that their loved one has suffered a devastating and non-survivable injury to the brain. The patient looks to be asleep, is warm to touch and appears to breath, albeit with the help of a machine.”

“ “NO” the hesitation I killed is holding its breath and sniffing out lies.”

“Lying, replacing with hope.”/ “To keep you alive, you are still living.”

There is a chance that the person who was brain dead was Shidou’s wife. I’m saying this because of the amount of organs Shidou is displayed taking and the height of the individual he is shown to be working on in Throw Down. If his wife was brain dead and he was deluding himself into believing she could recover she would constantly need new organs. Because organs in brain dead patients can only remain functioning with the assistance of life support for a short time.

“However, the vital organs such as the heart, lungs, liver, pancreas and kidneys can be kept viable for a few days if supported by artificial or mechanical support.”

“You don’t even know yet, and yet- Killing, extracting, I still won’t see them again.”/ “Not dead; yeah, she’s definitely not dead.”

This could be why we see the kids go from being supervised by her to playing by themselves. Under this framing Shidou would still have a very demanding job that he would have to do even more to manage to pay for his wife’s hospital bills, collect organs for her possibly already brain dead body and meet his children’s basic needs. While he was gone either one or both of his kids could have gotten into an accident while playing.

More than likely related to the soccer ball we see bounce to a halt in Triage before we see Shidou in a dark empty home. The call Shidou misses in Triage could be someone attempting to contact him about the accident. This could also explain why the imagery that alludes to an individual (possibly the wife) flatlining is accompanied by the noise a landline phone makes when it’s busy.

Something that conflicts with what we hear at the beginning of Triage which is someone calling Shidou’s cellphone not a housephone. We can tell this is the case because the calling noise rings three times before he sends the call to voicemail. More than likely because he was busy with something else either work related or related to his wife’s care.

From the reaction of the kids when Shidou enters the house he doesn’t seem to be home often. Then when we see him spending time with his wife he’s wearing the same clothes he was when he was walking there. So, they probably were spending time together on one of his off days. The house we see Shidou in is also completely different from the apartment we see him residing in during Throw Down. So, chances are he rented an apartment close to his work and would regularly send money back to his family and visit them when he got free time.

After the mother fell ill to the point of needing hospitalization or was found brain dead. Shidou may have moved the whole family out of that house and into the city where she could get better care for her needs. This is why when the kids are seen playing Shidou sings,

"I yearn to be found guilty."

However, after we see him and his wife walking together it changes to,

"But it tilts towards, find me Innocent."

This is also why he's happy to get his judgement handed down to him by a child. Because in his deluded pursuit to prolong his wife's life regardless of if it had ended already or not, he neglected his children which ultimately led to him losing everyone he loved.

I need to state I'm not saying this to get Shidou’s verdict to change by any means I think he should still be Innocent even while recognizing these things as possibilities. I’m only saying this so people don’t delude themselves into thinking Shidou is someone he’s not.

Certainly, he is willing to care for those who are injured now but that was not always the case and he had to lose a lot to even get to that point. Even after that he tried to find the quickest way to run from his guilty conscious by asking for the death penalty right out the gate. Kirisaki, Shidou is not such a simple case and looking away from the truth in favor of the ideal is how he wound up in Milgram.

Don’t make the same mistakes he did. Look that bastard dead in the eyes and tell him to do something right for once. When I made that post saying friendship ended with my morals I meant that don’t fall for Es’ misconceptions and remember to think for yourselves. If you don’t and allow yourselves to be led by your biases all you’ll get is disappointed or worse used.

[grinninmoon-and-bloodsolar-blog]

BloodSolar’s Story:

I mildly revamped BloodSolar’s story (even though I haven’t spoken about it in full detail) [Another Change is that BloodSolar uses He/Him in the beginning but later it changed to He/Her]

This is how the story goes (this is base off the knowledge I have so far about Solar’s Universe with a few tweaks pls don’t judge). Solar before being separated from Sun and having his own body, and choosing to distance himself from the daycare, he becomes a mechanic and fixes things around the PizzaPlex and overtime he decides to get a little more creative, having a makeshift lab and creating simple things, writing out plans and journaling on occasion. While he works he finds himself a bit ill, with a virus, he peaks around his code finds the problem and deletes it then moves on with life.

Sun dies, Moon blames Solar and constantly berates, verbally harasses Solar any chance he gets. Solar ignores him but the stress of Moon anger and constant hostility makes the virus he got rid of return which is incredibly odd, he tries to get rid of again but it doesn’t work this time, he tries again, it doesn’t work. He decides to maybe look a bit further into this and goes to his mind scape; for a moment it is empty and there is not much to see but then he hears a voice, a very giddy yet unhinged voice. He recognizes it and faces the Bloodmoon before him. He remembers whilst still being trapped inside Sun, out of spite he had created Bloodmoon but never went fully through with his little project and left him deactivated and forgotten.

Solar looked at the little demon, wondering what he could possibly want. The little demon simply tells him “He wants to have a sibling bond, be so close that we are one”. He begrudgingly told Bloodmoon they could try to be sibling if he wouldn’t pester Solar, Bloodmoon agreed. Things went relatively okay, though the agreement started to have odd effects on Solar’s body. His coloring changed, he felt taller than her already was, and he felt antsy during random bouts of the day. Around this time Moon proceeded to get worse and worse, spewing more hurtful things, Solar ignored the words… Bloodmoon didn’t, he couldn’t accept such a reaction. Bloodmoon seethed and festered, feeling more and more enraged. Solar always told him not to bother.

Until one fateful day, Solar needed to find something in the Daycare for one of his projects and while searching, Moon sees him and absolutely loses it on him and starts to physically attack Solar, while shouting through tears. Solar tries to fight him off but doesn’t really try because this feels deserved, Bloodmoon did not see it that way and took full control, completing the shift and change to Solar’s appearance and solidifying their Sibling bond. Bloodmoon shouts with a mix of anger and sadistic glee as he tears apart Moon; once done he gives control back to Solar, who admittedly wasn’t happy with what Bloodmoon did and was a bit distraught by what had just occurred but Bloodmoon did protect him.

Solar feels guilty about what was done to Moon while cleaning up his body, he doesn’t get rid of the parts of Moon but as he takes over the Daycare, he sets up a little memorial thing in his/Bloodmoon’s new room (once Sun and Moon’s) with Photos of Sun and Moon and plaque that says “in apology and remembrance of: Sunrise and Moondrop”. Time moved on, Solar decided to make herself a new body for him and his brother, whom overtime just let BloodSolar take the reigns and just remains dormant within their body, Fazbear was lazy and just decided to say they have new and improved Daycare Attendant, BloodSolar is great with the kids and takes care of them pretty well. When she has time after cleaning up the Daycare, she works on projects while talking to Bloody, or sometimes leaves the PizzaPlex for food/restock.

He does still regret how things ended up betwixt her and Sun and Moon, wondering every once in awhile but she couldn’t change the past, all he could do was live in the present.

[motherhenna]

am I the only one who's starting to feel like self care culture and therapist speak has lowkey done some serious damage to a lot of mentally ill young people over the last 8 or so years? It's literally the perfect vehicle for justifying insanely unhealthy coping mechanisms and addictions but I haven't heard anybody talking about it on here. Instead, I keep seeing posts that are like "be gentle with yourself: go at whatever pace is comfortable for you" and "it's okay to say no to things you don't want to do" but like...what if that thing you don't want to do is taking a shower or leaving the house or cooking your own meal at home? What if moving at a pace that is "comfortable" for you means you still haven't stopped smoking for the last decade because nicotine withdrawal and anxiety are not "comfortable"? And hey--at least you're only smoking ONE pack a day instead of two now, so that's almost as good as quitting entirely!

I'm saying all this as someone who is only just now coming out the other side and realizing how much of my late teens and twenties I've wasted because of my lack of accountability and aversion to the hard work that's necessary for recovery from addiction, eating disorders, and depression...and the whole time, I thought I was just practicing self care. But a lot of us should probably take a closer look at our behavior and ask ourselves, "is this really self care? Or is this just complacency, fear of failure, and denial?"

There's a word in addiction treatment that's used to describe family members, friends, or partners who give into their deeply disordered loved one's every demand--even when they know it's hurting them: enablers. I've seen a documentary of a 700 lb immobile man who was still managing to pile on weight because his wife went out every day and brought him every kind of junk food he asked for, all while claiming to love him more than anything else. But genuine, healthy love isn't watching your partner literally waste away before your eyes because you'd rather make him happy in the short-term: it's being fucking honest, and helping them get the assistance they need to get better even if you have to drag them kicking and screaming into rehab. And I'm of the belief that a lot of you out there end up confusing self-love / self-acceptance with self-enabling. One is easy while the other requires you to wake up and do the work every single day, even when it's ugly and messy and painful.

And listen--if your therapist has given you the full go-ahead to take the whole "gentle" route, or it's clearly working out really well for you, then by all means: keep at it. But more often than not, I think we need to stop wrapping ourselves in cotton. The way we treat ourselves should be how we'd ideally parent a child: obviously the overly harsh, critical, strict route rife with threats and punishment is a recipe for disaster, but the other extreme can be extremely damaging too. An overly compliant, indulgent parent who gives into their kid's every whim is likely going to produce selfish, entitled brats who have no concept that their actions have consequences. Neither approach is going to do their children many favors in the long run.

While I'm not fond of the boomer bootstrapping rhetoric, as I think a lot of it comes from an extremely skewed perspective of reality and the expectation that "if I can do it, everybody else should be able to do it just as easily", I also can no longer stand by the victimhood mentality so many fellow young millennials / gen z'ers seem to be living by. Because I spent the last ten years wallowing in it and all it gave me was lowered standards, a million excuses, self pity, and obesity. And it fucking sucks to confront the fact that you are ultimately the one who's responsible for your own behavior as an adult: it means you can't just blame it on society or your parents or your illness or whatever 'ism or 'phobia applies. Are all those things contributing factors that should be taken into account? Absolutely. Should you compare your progress to more privileged people's and feel shame that it's taking longer? No. But that doesn't mean you have no control of your life and choices--that you're powerless to do anything but wait for someone else to save you. Unless you're literally being held hostage at gunpoint, there are always things you can do to `improve your life and yourself. So next time you want to give up on a dream of yours, or justify not changing out of your pajamas for a fortnight in the name of self care, maybe ask yourself what an enabler would do vs. what a true friend would do

[berylcups]

Heres Calamari with their real anatomy. I'm still struggling whether to put them in team Bucci or the Hitman team 😭 Based on the profile and image what vibes do they give off? Good or bad??? I've put a shorten (but still long AF) profile down below

Name: Katrin Kocteau

Allias (if applicable): Calamari 

Namesake: The Cocteau Twins 

Nicknames: Callie, Kat, Kit Kat, Gattina, Stella, Luna, Starlight, Sole, Carina, Cara, tesoro, bella, bambina, Sourpuss, Kitten 

(usually used sarcastically): Comrade, ,little sister,Sunshine, Moody boobs, Boobs McKenzie, Sourpuss

Nicknames for others: 

🩸Lulu, Schatz, Rubin

Big brother, comrade (gelato and calamari jokingly call each other comrades due to both being oppressed by the Soviet Union )

🤐Abba,Diamant ,gloomy fuck/blues, Leo, piss monger, 

Löwe,, honigbiene, liebling, Kuschelbär, Bärchen, Schatzi, Engel, süße,

(Used in a joking/sarcastic way) Arschloch,  Sonnenschein, Eselhengst, Dummkopf 

Age: 25

Birthday: July 12th

AMAB/AFAB/Intersex: AFAB

Gender Identity: Agender; They/Them sometimes she/her…doesn’t correct strangers out of exhaustion 

Height: 5’3 160cm

Weight: 175lbs

Handness: Left

Type of Voice: soft, monotone, flat, they speak very softly with a Berlin accent. You have to listen very hard to understand them due to how softly they speak. It will go from soft valley to booming peaks when agitated enough. 

Eyesight:. 20/40

Hometown: West Berlin, Germany 

Current Residency: Napoli, Italy 

Moral Alignment: 

🩸 evil neutral 

🤐 lawful good

MBTI Personality Type (Optional): INFJ-T

Medical & Dental Health: 

Dental-  vitamin deficiencies in childhood causing weak teeth, many fillings and crowns 

Physical- Chronic tension headaches, vitamin deficiency (vitamin D and Calcium)

Mental health: 

 PTSD, ADHD inattentive type, Major Depression, generalized anxiety disorder w/ panic attacks 

Phobias: Claustrophobic- caves and tunnels specifically 

Phonophobia- HATES loud noises and others talking too loudly

Astraphobia- related to phonophobia 

Germaphobic - fears gastrointestinal illnesses the most 

Socialphobic- is on edge around crowds and people they don’t know too well. Very reserved and secretive 

Arachnophobia - self explanatory 

Fears cursed numbers (4,13, 666)- acts a bit more covert towards it than Mista-(ex add 1 more or less spoonful of sugar to their coffee to avoid 4)

Scars/burns/birthmarks/tattoos: self inflicted cuts and scars on arms and thighs due to poor coping mechanisms 

Awards & Education: 

General Education Diploma, Majoring in Forensic Science in University,

Excelled in foreign languages(Italian and Russian) and art class

Past Experience: 

Calamari is cynical, bitter, a perfectionist, and never allows themself to be vulnerable. Any mistake they make they severely punish themself with. They lash out at themself because they believe they deserve it. Their forearms and thighs are full of scars and self inflicted cuts. They show Themself no mercy so they sure as hell aren't showing it to any of their targets. They're not your typical sadomasochist, not a masochist because they enjoy it. They don't enjoy it at all, but they believe they truly deserve it. 

They always had a strong interest in the paranormal and true crime. they dedicated their education to their forensic career. They always fixed themself to the smallest details rather than the bigger picture. Small details that are often overlooked could derail the entire case and justice for the victims could be lost. Their resolve shines the brightest when they dedicate everything they have to speak for the dead. 

The corruption in the justice system and bribery infecting all the way down to their forensic team made them lose the spark and desire they had for their work. There’s nothing they could have done anyway since it was them vs the majority and they needed every lira to help pay off their exs gambling debt. 

Calamari takes extra work to help pay off his debt only to find out that he was cheating on them and then kills him out of a crime of passion. Now Calamari is left with a body and heaping amounts of gambling debt that isn't theirs. They join Passione to seek protection and to pay off their debt. 

Sexual History (for characters 18+ ONLY): 

Teo, Her ex partner

Currently:

🩸Illuso

🤐 Abbacchio 

Thoughts on love: 

They’ll swear up and down that love is worthless and a waste of time. They’ll say they never felt better by themself now that her ex Teo is gone, but they’re lying to hide the loneliness. They hate kids but are very domestic and secretly want a partner to take care of physically and emotionally. They are very touch and love starved and needs the perfect partner to give them hope in humanity again even if they only learn to trust 1 person.

It takes a long time to develop a crush due to their sexuality and trust issues. They subconsciously become more mellow and obedient around the one they develops a crush on. They’ll always listen to abbacchio’s orders. They’re no brown noser but they try to be as obedient as possible. They’re secretly very submissive. 

They’re only submissive to Illuso in private and only when he’s being nice. 90% of the time They’ll ignore him or berate him if he teases them. They don’t take being teased/bullied lightly. They avoid him and act tough around him because they don't want their weakness known or the fact that they would like someone that cruel…as if they aren't cruel themself-they won’t admit it-they’re a hypocrite and that their actions mirror his. The only difference is Calamari is only cruel to their targets and enemies. They give their teammates mutual respect until they do something to ignite their ire. 

Sexual and/or Romantic Identity:  Demisexual, Panromantic

People they like: 

“I don’t like people.  Nobody can be trusted.”

Calamari keeps people at arm's length but they’re not completely cold. They warm up to others after they prove they are trustworthy enough. 

To tell if they like you is them allowing you to be near them. Letting you sit next to them , letting you hug them (briefly), or playing with their hair. They will also joke with you, or make dry remarks. Best friends will be allowed in their room, play video games with them, and they’ll share secrets about her past and spill tea about others. You tell them a secret as a best friend and they’ll take that secret to their grave. Once you become their best friend/and or partner they’re loyal for life so don’t betray that trust like their ex did. 

🤐 Bucciarati, Abbacchio, Fugo are the ones who they trust and respect the most. 

They won’t show it but they like giorno, narancia, mista, and Trish too. They took a little longer for them to warm up to. They will send sarcastic remarks and jokes their way as their own way of showing friendship. 

🩸 they’re very hard to read, it even takes Risotto a split second to figure out what they’re feeling with their stone cold resting bitch face and monotone voice. They don’t hang around after meetings, so the only one who’s able to get a glimpse on how they feel is Nosey Illuso or Formaggio by spying on them. 

They like Risotto and prosciutto but is heavily intimidated by them. They warm up to Pesci  the quickest- Object stand users stick together.Sorbet and Gelato essentially adopted them from the moment they met, they’re friendly but they have fun making Calamari uncomfortable with the PDA. They slowly warm up to Illuso and Formaggio. Somehow they are able to find common ground with them… I wonder why- it’s almost like they can read their mind. They’re fine with Ghiaccio as long as he isn’t yelling so it’s very rare for them to enjoy his presence. Melone just disgusts them, but they put up with him for the sake of the team. 

People they hate: 

They’re known to hold some strong grudges. It took forever for them to forgive Mista for taking their slice of strawberry cake. They especially can’t stand children and babies because of the noise. Also isn’t a fan of yappy dog breeds. 

They hate anyone who gets in the way of their goals or inconveniences them. They hate their ex  due to the turmoil they dealt with because of him and hates themself for allowing them to step on them for so long.

They hate the boss because he’s an inconvenience to their livelihood and just life itself. 

🩸 Nothing pisses them off more than a bunch of bootlickers getting in the way of them and the team getting the boss’s daughter to find out his identity. The holier than thou attitudes of Giorno and Bucciarati make them hellbent on wanting to set their enjoyment of humiliation aside and give them severe curb stomping. 

🤐It wouldn’t really be considered “hate” but Giorno annoys them. They thinks he’s too naive and preachy …absolutely not because They’re jealous of his natural born talent or anything, don't be ridiculous. They’re a million times more polite about it than abbacchio is. They just groan or ignore him or cuts him off with “you’re too young to understand” or “you wouldn’t get it…” “*groans*whaaaat? I’m busy…go brown nose Bucciarati instead kid.”

They didn’t care much for Trish believing her to be nothing more than an ungrateful spoiled brat. They both grew up so differently that it was hard to bond at 1st. Thankfully neither of them are that stubborn to try to understand each other. 

Dreams for the future:  

A peaceful life with her perfect partner. A cozy home in either Austria or Sicily with many pets and an art studio. They crave normalcy and freedom of expression.

Relationships(name a person that they have a connection to and what their relationship is like[friend, enemy, Ex, current lover, family , etc.]): 

Teo- Ex 

🤐Abbacchio-Current partner

Bucciarati- Confidant & Leader

Fugo- Good Friend

Narancia-Good Friend

Mista- Good Friend

Giorno- Friend

Trish- Friend

🩸Illuso- Current Partner

Formaggio- Good friend

Pesci- Good friend

Prosciutto- Mentor & Callies Secret not so secret crush

Risotto- Leader

Sorbet- Good Friend & parental figure

Gelato-Good friend & parental figure

Ghiaccio- tolerable friend in small doses

Melone- Tolerates- wishes they didn’t know him

Quotes (what do they say often? What’s their life’s motto?): 

“How about you go play in traffic?”

“”Kiss concrete douche!”

“Eat asphalt!”

"Everyone shut up I'm doing _______!"

views on life “There are 3 rules in life that must always be followed: 

1. If you’re going to do it right- do it right the 1st time.

2. Always be punctual. If you’re early you’re on time. If you’re on time, you’re late. 

And 3. Be self reliant. Never burden others. If you have a problem- fix it. Don’t know how? learn.  This is the true way of life.”

“ Do you wanna  X? Because that’s how you X.”They say this phrase a lot when someone is doing something stupid or if they had enough of someone and are threatening them. 

🤐“Do you wanna walk all the way to Pompeii? Because that’s how you do that if you keep trying to turn down my music smartass. YES it needs to be that loud. I’m trying not to fall asleep at the wheel. If it bothers you so much, you and Giorno take the wheel, I’m laying in the back and taking a nap. Don’t fuck up and crash the car or my geist will haunt you panna.”

“Were you even listening to a word I was saying? Sigh… you’re such a disappointment, why do I bother with you?..”

Disregarding a mista conspiracy theory/ghiaccio rant “There’s literally not enough adderall in the world for me to listen to whatever bullshit you're word-vomiting out..”

Taunting illuso back🩸“Make you a sandwich ? How about you earn it 1st. make yourself useful and shine my boots till I can see my reflection in them. Then mayyybe I’ll even think about it.”

🩸Receiving a hit “Who’s funeral am I facilitating?”

🩸“Halt die Schnauze! Would it kill you to not scream like a verdammt banshee every 5 minutes?!”

🩸Defending their stand” Why would my stand need to be strong when it doesn’t have to? I let gravity do all the work for me and I don’t have to break a sweat. I can move anywhere I want, and don’t have to worry about anyone reaching me. It can throw you around like a lousy rag doll and you’ll be helpless to do anything about it. I don’t need to be strong to take your sorry ass down. I may need protection now and then but I’m still the queen on the chessboard. I can go and attack from ANYWHERE”

🩸Apprehensive about betrayal“I’m used to living frugally. I don’t see how 20 million lira is too little to live off of. I don’t think it’s worth going against the boss for more. We don’t know who he is or what he’s capable of.”

🩸Expressing denial and hiding their feelings “Love? Absolutely disgusting. It’s a useless feeling and only sets you up for failure. There’s nothing worse than being tied down with dead weight who will either cheat or become bored of me or I’ll be bored of them. Material goods bring me just as much happiness as an annoying man/woman ever could. I buy a new pair of boots or a handbag, get tired of them- go set them aside in my closet, and buy new ones. Wash, rinse, repeat. Your life is much less difficult when you think with your brain instead of your heart… or your balls if we’re being realistic.”

Hobbies;

Painting, Drawing, Playing Video games, clothes & shoe shopping, make up, petting cats, napping, and eating

Habits: 

Is secretly superstitious. Avoids numbers that they hate, won’t open umbrellas inside, walking under ladders etc… The only exception to their superstitions is black cats. 

🩸Man spreads on the couch out of pure passive aggressiveness since there’s never any room for them to sit

They have a soft spot for black cats and their cats Depeche and Muse are their pride and joy. They greeted them with open arms completely ignoring their teammates all together thinking they were excited to see them when they got back.

 🩸They have a kangaroo pouch to hold them in when she’s working around the base/hideout….

🩸They love traumatizing teammates by tricking them into showing them shock sites and laugh maliciously at their reaction. 

🩸They has a very dark sense of humor so it usually plays off well with sadistic or edgy teammates. 

.They try to hide their smiles and giggles by covering their mouth. This habit slowly ceases once they feels more comfortable around others. 

Calamari hides their red face when they’re aroused or embarrassed .

They sigh and huff a lot when they’re irritated. 

They enjoy coming up with unusual torture/interrogation methods. They held a bamboo skewer up to someone’s eye, threatening to turn their eye into a kabob and lobotomise them. 

They aren’t able to physically defend themself in hand to hand combat so they are well equipped with spiked knuckles and a stun gun strong enough to take down a bear.

Quirks/Unique personality traits:

They won’t look anyone in the eye or call anyone by name directly unless they’re very close with the person. 

Doesn’t announce when they’re here or when they leave. They just walk right in without saying a single hello or I’m back/here. 

In the very beginning they spoke a lot like an NPC with very short to 1-2 worded answers. Once they became more comfortable with their team they said more than 2 words.

Pet peeves:

Talking over or interrupting them while talking 

People acting smarter than they really are 

Excessive noise (barking dogs, talking too loud, yelling , crying children, Ghiaccio , etc)

Gratuitous PDA 

Not obeying rules (excluding missions) 

Being late 

WAKING THEM UP

Invading their personal space 

Moving their things- they have them specifically where they want them

ILLUSO

Having wet hair and clothes (sensory issues )

People whispering (they’re paranoid) 

[gofancyninjaworld]

as much as genos has proven himself to be a character damn near incapable of lying, i find it hard to believe the "becoming a cyborg" part of his backstory is recounted correctly. the human brain is weird and memory is fickle, especially surrounding traumatic events. kuseno just... doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would listen to a misguided childs plea for full-body cyborg modification and actually cave to it. it's entirely possible that ive gravely misunderstood his character, but im not buying the idea of a level-headed genius scientist having That Big of a lapse in judgement. i think it's more likely that genos's ability to recall events surrounding his villages destruction and cyborgification is lacking thanks to a whole lot of repressed trauma and his recollection of events isn't 100% accurate. hence, the whole "begging my doctor/adoptive grandfather to mechanize me almost entirely and quite possibly fuck me up mentally for life and having him actually go through with it" isn't an accurate retelling of what happened. kuseno still fucked up, but im inclined to believe he didn't fuck up quite that monumentally. ill leave off there, because if i continue this will quickly go from "short ask" to "full length college thesis" with how many hypotheticals are available to pick at when considering a situation like this, but id like to know what you personally make of it.

Oh, I believe Genos. Genos has stories to tell that sound totally unhinged and utterly unbelievable but are 100% true. However, we're missing something.

To get to that, let's go to Saitama and his incredible strength. If you ask Saitama how he got so strong, he says it's because he did 100 push ups, 100 squats, 100 sit ups, and ran 10 kilometers every day. Also, he didn't skip any meals, even if it was only a banana for breakfast, and he never used the heat or AC. That's all true, but that's not the whole story.

Flashy Flash is the only character to date who has grasped how utterly vital Saitama's environment was in enabling him to become who he is. Without living in a deprived part of town that slowly got beset by more and more powerful monsters, and dealing with the increasing loneliness of watching the people who once encouraged him pack up and leave, Saitama would never have had the graded challenges to break his limiter. He couldn't have done it anywhere else on the planet. But he has no idea.

Anyway, back to Genos. We are missing the context. As we've seen more of the pair, and we've learned more about cyborgs, it's become very clear that we're missing something important. Kuseno knows how to build powerful drones -- there's no need to endanger oneself personally. If one insists on being up close and personal, Kuseno has powerful body suits. And finally, extensive cyborg enhancements shorten one's life -- they don't save it or replace lost physical functionality. Brainwashing? No, ONE's writing of the Ninja Village shows that he understands coercive control very well and what its uses and limitations are. When it comes to Kuseno and Genos, most of the spokes in the wheel of control are missing: the doctor being happy to see Genos make his own money, associate with people he doesn't know, have conversations he's not privy to, and be overall more independent is the opposite of what a control freak does.

So, there's got to be a reason that the boy who would become Genos decided that only being a cyborg -- nay, only being an extreme cyborg -- would do. There's got to be a reason an old engineer took him up on it. We don't have this context. And we need it to understand. We don't need to agree, we don't need to approve. But ONE, at least let us understand.

Oh, the cyborg destroying towns thing? It's true. The only thing special about Genos's home town is that it's the LAST known massacre.

[friendfromdsmp]

Are there Adrien Salt takes that you disagree with?

I definitely think that Adrien gets unnecessary hate as well as unnecessary praise. One thing that disappoints me is how many people see a lot of Adrien’s actions as malicious due to his arguably abusive behaviours concerning his love for Ladybug

You can partake in abusive behaviours without malicious intent. You can form a pattern of abuse without malicious intent. And while good intentions don’t justify or excuse the abuse, it does help to get to the root of the problem. In Adrien’s case, it seems to be a matter of not having been provided healthy outlets for his emotions, emotional identification and regulation or any positive examples or role models to lead by example

Before the show began, Adrien only had a few people in his life; his father, the cold and distant man who secretly had full control of Adrien’s free will and isolated him and all but forced him to work for his brand and do an ungodly amount of extracurriculars; Nathalie, the assistant who seems to have shown Adrien lightly more care and gentle encouragement but that’s really grown in the past few months more than anything; the bodyguard who’s chill and would keep a secret but isn’t exactly a fountain of advice, at best he’s a great option for venting; a mother who we know nothing about but judging by what we know in-universe there was most likely nothing too much better than Nathalie or Gabriel in her; and Chloé, the best friend that was clearly a horrible influence that Adrien tolerated more than liked but clung to all the same for being his only friend

All of this absolutely screams of an unhealthy social development in his upbringing. And when we see how Chloé and Gabriel both throw tantrums like toddlers whenever they don’t get their way or they need to play a part to manipulate others, it’s no wonder that Adrien has a tendency to lash out when his emotions get volatile. It’s not healthy or acceptable, but it’s understandable

Adrien also seems to have developed a bit of a codependency issue of sorts when it comes to Ladybug; if she’s not there, he doesn’t function, but when she’s present he constantly shows off and tries to win her over. This is another factor of his neglectful upbringing; he’s strongly motivated by praise and has a high reward drive, but when there’s no attention to be gained, positive or negative, he sees no point. And with Ladybug being the first person to actually return that emotional connection with him in a genuine and friendly way, he seems to latch onto her to continue supplying him with that positive emotional input and manage his emotions. Again, none of this is healthy or acceptable behaviour, but it’s understandable why he’d get to this point; it’s a classic case of a neglected child acting out for attention, whether positive or negative, because it’s better than feeling totally invisible

Adrien needs therapy, is the bottom line here. He’s developed horrible coping mechanisms or just straight-up lacks them due to a traumatic and neglectful childhood. I don’t think he’s always morally well-intentioned, but I think a lot of his abusive acts, while definitely not excusable, aren’t done out of any kind of ill-intent. They’re mostly done out of ignorance of how to appropriately express or vent his emotions, which results in him lashing out in harmful ways or completely shutting down on both himself and others. Both are harmful, but not inherently malicious. What Adrien needs to do is learn emotional regulation, something that everyone learns as they grow. Hell, it’s something many adults still struggle with, so I won’t blame a teenage boy for not having it down pat. But that doesn’t absolve him of responsibility to work on himself and to make amends for his past behaviours