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#gender means nothing to me anymore
mothbeasts · 4 months
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unpopular ieytd headcanons? /nm
seeing as I've dedicated myself to being the world's biggest fabricator enjoyer (joke). i think it will be obvious who i'll take the opportunity to talk about :] with some other headcanons thrown in also.
I think a lot of my Fabricator headcanons count as "unpopular" if only because not many people talk about her in general. The first thing that came to mind for me is that I personally headcanon her as trans for no reason other than I'm trans and my favorite characters get hit with my beam attacks. I also think she's not really mean once you get to know her - She's much more relaxed around friends, it's just that she has. One friend total, maybe two if we're being generous with the definition of friend. And I just generally see her as a different kind of "mean" than other people seem to, if that makes sense? She has fun with it, yeah, but she has reasons and such. even if those reasons can be petty. I don't know if she enjoys drama for drama's sake, she's got a reputation to uphold and all. She uses more subtle verbal attacks, sarcasm and such.
Another unpopular headcanon, but for Agent Phoenix this time: My Phoenix is a lesbian. Got them with my beam attack also. I also tend to see them as less... Chaotic? They're cautious, taking their time to figure out the situation. They do still put things in their mouth though. That's important to me.
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visdiefje · 5 months
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I'm pretty sure my experiences haven't changed from when I last asserted my identity labels but my view kinda has I guess
#in the sense of. who cares about an orientation label if nothing ever really comes from it yknow.#it's fruitful yearning towards individuals my brain latches onto. that's the extent of it#there's no reciprocated dynamic that allows it to ever get to grow into sexuality#so like yeah I'm demi but 99.9% of the time sexuality just doesn't play into anything at all#and when it does it's brief blips that also don't go anywhere#and I have a pretty good idea of the pool of people I'm theoretically attracted to#but that also just. doesn't matter much once my brain latches onto someone and runs its tiring one sided course#and my gender is still accurate technically but I also have Nothing to say or think about it. it's all whatever#basically all the labels are still accurate it just means very little to me anymore.#it's weird cause it used to be an identity point right. of like hi! I'm [gender] [sexuality] and it's rooted in how you see yourself#and now if I think about how I would introduce myself. well. I wouldn't know but those elements aren't really on the radar to be honest#it comes into play so rarely that like. literally who cares#it's just wild cause people my age who I used to share online spaces with are still strongly debating over what it means to be x or y#and it just. doesn't matter to me anymore. I'm Anders and I like people out of my league generally speaking. hi etc#anyway musing rambling. it's okay if you feel different also#I guess those posts about how definitions matter less when you're older and more in irl spaces were right#bien rambles
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i loooove having a weird secret gender
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hellofears · 12 days
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having issues with men, the associations the instant distrust, which i dont like i dont want it i want things to be different, just all of it so much just the dynamic i have the relationship all of it the way the world is atleast online and having a younger brother. I wouldn't trade him for the world, I try and talk to him where I can and will continue to do so i adore him but i fear. i believe in him i want joy for him. I fear that his peers will feed him fckn brainrot and it scares me. not even just that he'll fall into that thinking that his fuckn upstanding that his unwillingness to follow ppl will hurt him. crazy shit at schools, like why tf r ppl dying kids young teens killing eaachother with knives? ??I don't want to loose him i don't want to see him loose who he is and the heart that he has i don't and i hope he rises above it all and will continue to. i feel like im stating what he has to be or smth but all i could ask for is his wellbeing, respect, humanity, that he treats himself well know what he deserves and has some sense of self, some gravity. I feel like shit sometimes for this aspect that i'm concerned that i just idk, i dont like the whole 'dont disappoint me' thing he owes nothing to me other than basic human decency and respect, hes a reason why i live but to i just that intrusive thought of there is no different the hell u think of is real about men to someone i hold so fckn dear to in a way show me their fckn fuckery its idk, like another? it'd hurt me, it'd hurt me bad.
i've never understood men or boys, amab, who go on about their connection or like protectiveness of their sisters of their mother but treat other women like shit like their familiars aren't women? you don't want to fuck them so its different? what is it like just whats the difference why does it have to pertain to you for you to care? do you care or do you see them as an extension? is it a personality trait for you? a 'lover boy' thing? a signal to women, women u imagine u want and is going to be 'ur woman' but u cant even like visualize them in a way that doesnt pertain to your sexual interests? a signal so people can say oh he loves his mother so hes good to go and prime? a 'mummys boy' ? are they not real women just because u dont feel that sort of way? talking about women that way with your friends? do i have to bring up the fact those same people could date your sister etc for you to care? those people could make the kids that surround your kids, your daughter. idk.
its like okay u want sex so u respect them less? did no one hear dont bite the hand that feeds you? what the fuck is going on. you cant fuck them so its all good? the demeaning-ness? lack of gravity, venom is just rapid, vapid
#*txt🗣️#real world issues#i instantly think of counter points before i say anything especially online and i hate it because its like im accustomed to ppl being accus#atory. at being contrary. shitting on vulnerability. shitting on emotions. shitting on hhumanity. shitting on the ability to care.#women can be pieces of shit men can queer folk can i can be you can be to me theres an ability just as people and the world of choice that#-e have. im not saying everyones on the brink of doing the worst and makes a choice not to either if ur going through that u need to seek#help or some sort of sincere dialogue well and truly. but the world around me has made me who i am just as much as my reaction. not all etc#is a no brainer. ppl dont have a neon sign on their forehead. its understandable why the caution has been fckn drilled into so many afab so#many women in the hearts of many and thats hurt fear and absolute rage simmering anger for bs. i understand proventitive cautions to ppl#especially those who tend to be the direct target demographic but to drill in fear to woman to afab not even just on a personal level imsur#everyones experience is different on that front and their thoughts but on a society level and then take no action to then be like atleast t#my knowledge or its just not fckn working bitch its crickets. men should be able to feel safe enough to share their fears and worries to be#vulnerable but that isn't coddling bs and pointing the fingers at women at afab. theres weight in the way both sexes have been socialized#its cause and effect i refuse that it can't be helped. i refuse it. i reject it. thats not me discrediting or trying to come at gender(s)#at ppls gender identity etc. i mean everything makes us who we are. its all part of a journey. ones sex doesn't invalidate such a thing.#humans are so complex to say someones just pulling shit out their ass for the giggles is wild. no matter what it rings true for people#its not for us to choose for eachother we don't choose what others want to share we can't decide how someone else feels we can't read them-#back a book they feel like they've never heard or is bs and give them the finger. u can't tell someone they're the authour and they didn't#write the book or they didn't hire you or agree and want u to write it for them? ur not a ghostwriter bitch ur writing perception#i mean the way we're brought up the way society has become accustomed it effects results its a world in of itself made#to no fruitful benefit atleast to me for any party. when desire grips you at the throat when you allow your will you allow your every whim#the desire isnt even desire anymore. now you're creating a loop you're creating a possibility for a life with no balance#if men are so upstanding they aren't like one another they aren't the bad ones why is the refusal to move forward and write past men up#write them wrong feel so heavy or resound so heavily atleast to me. write for better because you're better. know you're better.#excitement as it once was turns into not enough then again and again. and the core issue even thbere i care for other parties responsibilit#relationships are a back and forth dont choose for others what they want dont decide for others. ask them.#u shouldn't have to constantly prove ur different but heres the thing if in ur life those who know you atleast if u have walked the road#u speak of the valiant road you've trecked supposedly there'd be nothing to prove. you've walked it. if a new person comes along you dont#need effort to show you have basic respect for another. and if u dont have that respect dont get mad at those who dont want u in their live#u took yourself out their market. life is a in moment custom experience. buckle up. not me talking about love like a business worker or smt
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psychoticallytrans · 11 months
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I do wish that "oppositional sexism" was a more commonly known term. It was coined as part of transmisogyny theory, and is defined as the belief that men and women, are distinct, non-overlapping categories that do not share any traits. If gender was a venn diagram, people who believe in oppositional sexism think that "men" and "women" are separate circles that never touch.
The reason I think that it's a useful term is that it helps a lot with articulating exactly why a lot of transphobic people will call a cis man a girl for wearing nail polish, then turn around and call a trans woman a man. Both of those are enforcement of man and woman as non-overlapping social categories. It's also a huge part of homophobia, with many homophobes considering gay people to no longer really belong to their gender because they aren't performing it to their satisfaction.
It's a large part of the reason behind arguments that men and women can't understand each other or be friends, and/or that either men or women are monoliths. If men and women have nothing in common at all, it would be difficult for them to understand each other, and if all men are alike or all women are alike, then it makes sense to treat them all the same. Enforcing this rift is particularly miserable for women and men in close relationships with each other, but is often continued on the basis that "If I'm not a real man/woman, they won't love me anymore."
One common "progressive" form of oppositional sexism is an idea often put as the "divine feminine", that women are special in a way that men will never understand. It's meant to uplift women, but does so in ways that reinforce the idea that men and women are fundamentally different in ways that can never be reconciled or transcended. There's a reason this rhetoric is hugely popular among both tradwifes and radical feminists. It argues that there is something about women that men will never have or know, which is appealing when you are trying to define womanhood in a way that means no man is or ever has been a part of it.
You'll notice that nonbinary people are sharply excluded from the definition. This doesn't mean it doesn't apply to them, it means that oppositional sexism doesn't believe nonbinary people of any kind exist. It's especially rough on multigender people who are both men and women, because the whole idea of it is that men and women are two circles that don't overlap. The idea of them overlapping in one person is fundamentally rejected.
I think it's a very useful term for talking about a lot of the problems that a lot of queer people face when it comes to trying to carve out a place for ourselves in a society that views any deviation from rigid, binary categories as a failure to perform them correctly.
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blinkbats · 1 year
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I love the name jack because it feels like such a good placeholder like they call you john doe if they can't figure out who you are and Jack is like a fun nickname for John. I'm not a John though and my dad was gonna name me Jack if I was a boy but anyway. It's good. Hey I'm Jack how's it going I love how short it is, doesn't take up any of your time, only thing weird about it is to most people I don't look like a Jack when people look at me they go GIRL which is fine but that's not what comes to mind when I look at me. Is just me.
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shooting-love-arrows · 6 months
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could you write where darling wakes up and sees 1950s husband in the middle of his morning routine and finds out hes not as neat as they thought?
but instead of taking it badly they love him even more
Dear Anon,
Aww, that's heartwarming!
@shooting-love-arrows
𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐄! 𝟏𝟗𝟓𝟎'𝐬! 𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐒𝐄𝐇𝐔𝐒𝐁𝐀𝐍𝐃 and not so perfect morning
PAIRING: 𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝟏𝟗𝟓𝟎’𝐬! 𝐇𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐡𝐮𝐬𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐝 x reader (gender not specified/mentioned/implied) Tw. angsty, hurt and comfort. A/N: I decided to take into consideration this question when writing this fic. So it is longer and about our dearest 𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝟏𝟗𝟓𝟎’𝐬! 𝐇𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐡𝐮𝐬𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐝.
𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭
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Squeeack…
You were awoken by the quiet and familiar sound of the bathroom door being open. It means only one thing: your dear husband was currently in the bathroom. Like every other day during this time around.
“Ugh…” A soundless groan of misery left your mouth. Unluckily you didn't sleep well that night. Your sleep was shallow and you couldn't seem to find a comfortable position. Not to mention you woke up to every sound you could hear. And just when you were slipping into a blissful dreamland, your bathroom doors decided to prevent you from slipping further. For now, you snuggled closer to your fluffy pillow. Your thoughts began to roam freely but at some point focused on something that has been bothering you for a while. 
It was confusing. 
At the very beginning of your marriage, you found it surprising. Not many people were that determined to wake up early in the morning. After a few months, you reasoned that it was just part of his personality. Perhaps a perfectionist problem? Part of his routine he didn’t want to stray from? You didn’t know and you didn’t want to pray. Your logic was that if he wants to share it with you, he’ll do so. But after months turned into years, with you still being left in the dark, you began to feel…doubt. 
“Why does he do that?” You wondered more than once. You had no idea what was the reason why your sweetheart got up before you, shuffled around the bathroom, only to come back to bed right before your alarm clock rang, like nothing ever happened. “What does he do there? Should I ask him? Does he want me to ask him? Maybe I should wait for him to tell me himself?”
So many questions, so little answers…
You sighed heavily. It looks like you won’t be able to catch some zzz’s anymore. You were too awake, especially with your mind running miles an hour.
“What a pity…” You rolled over your back and groggily opened your eyes. You blinked a few times to adjust your eyesight. The familiar white ceiling of your cozy bedroom greeted you like an old friend. Streams of warm sunlight were shyly peaking in the room from behind the gaps of the closed curtains. Everything stood still. It was peaceful. You let yourself sink into the soft bed and strained your ears to hear your husband shuffling in the bathroom. You wanted to say you were content but… “What a pity he isn’t here with me…”
You let your eyes slide over to the other side of the bed. It tugged on your heart that it was cold and empty with a messily thrown blanket and a pillow with a dent the size of your husband's head is what has greeted you. It was a let down. You wished he was there to greet you with his brilliant smile that seemed to light up the room, whisper to you a ‘good morning, my darling’ that always caused your heart to skip a beat and let you kiss his soft lips that perfectly molded with yours. This is what you needed to start a good day. 
Involuntarily you did a big and satisfying stretch. Your body felt heavy and begged you to stay in. Just lay down…under those fluffy blankets. Let yourself relax and wait for your dearest husband to climb back beside you. Wake up to him and cherish those kisses you'll share…
“I’m spoiled fella, aren’t I?”
There was no point in dwelling about such matters this early in the morning.
With a heavy sigh, you bravely fought those demons of laziness and decided to get up. You decided to invest this energy in something productive instead. And there’s so much to do around the house! 
“Hold on a moment…isn’t my husband in the bathroom?” Your mind went blank before you eagerly jumped out of your bed. You wouldn’t miss a chance to spend more time with the love of your life. 
You shuffled towards your bathroom, barely containing your happiness. So high on positive emotions and not expecting anything unusual, you didn’t even hesitate to open the door. 
Squeeack!
There was a beat of silence. Both of you froze for entirely different reasons. 
You stopped mid stride when entering the small space. Your jaw went slack when your eyes took a closer look at your husband. Your shoulder dropped and you took a deeper breath. His face was…bare. His glistening face seemed to be freshly washed since it was glowing in the warm light. He…he was mesmerizing. 
While you were too busy admiring the entirely new side of your husband you didn’t notice how 𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝟏𝟗𝟓𝟎’𝐬! 𝐇𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐡𝐮𝐬𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐝 seemed to be feeling the exact opposite of you. His eyes widened till the white was showing around his irises and his stare didn’t dare to stray from you. His breathing quickened and his body began to fold, hoping to make himself smaller. 
This couldn’t be happening…it can’t be! How…why are you awake? Why are you here? You…fuck…you found him out!
“Swee — ”
“This can’t be happening…! You…no…how…?” You were cut off by your husband's quiet and wobbly muttering. Your eyebrows threw together and your body grew still. You were quick to note how your husband hid his face from you and was hunched over the sink. You heard just how heavy his breathing has become. Something was clearly wrong. 
“Sweetheart…?”
The reality around 𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝟏𝟗𝟓𝟎’𝐬! 𝐇𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐡𝐮𝐬𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐝 became more vivid. His senses heightened to the point he was sure he could feel his surroundings. He was sinking so deep into his headspace he began to get lost there. Everything was becoming too much. His head, his thoughts and his feelings were ripping him apart. And the reason behind it was very valid. Whatever he has built around his person, whatever worth he had in your eyes and the control were gone with the swing of those blasted doors! 
“Dearest?”
He was falling apart. 
You flinched back (but only because you didn’t expect it) when he started laughing hysterically. Your concern for your husband only grew tenfold when you saw his state worsening by every second. You wanted to help him however you didn’t understand what could be the cause of this. Was it…you?
It turns out you didn’t have more time to analyze the situation, because you had to rush over when you saw your husband crumbling to the floor. Before his body could hit the ground at full force, you caught him safely in your arms. He was hyperventilating and you feared that he would pass out from the lack of air. His body was shaking badly and muttering things under his nose like a madman. Just like you did many times before in different scenarios, you tucked his head into the crook of your neck, laid your chin on top of his head, brought him safely into your arms to hold him tightly. 𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝟏𝟗𝟓𝟎’𝐬! 𝐇𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐡𝐮𝐬𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐝 closed his eyes, brought his knees close to his chest and circled his arms around them. He curled into a tight ball, slowly rocking back and forth in your arms. 
Sob…sob…sob…
But your heart broke when you heard the first sobs escaping his lips. 
You really wished you would know what to say or do in that situation. You wished you were more educated on that matter so you could be useful. You wished you could fulfill your role as his lifetime partner to him. Unfortunately, for now you had to rely on your instinct with a promise to be better and aid your husband in the time of need.
Starting now.
“Let it out love…let it out…” You whispered against his ear and started caressing his head. Sweet nothings began to pour out of your mouth soon after. Half of his curls were freed from the curlers and you carefully carded your fingers through them in a soothing motion. 
“Y…you…u…fo…fou…nd…out…!” He wailed in your neck after a while of intense crying. His voice held nothing but despair, pain and heartbreak. Not to mention he could barely speak with how violent his sobs were. You blinked rapidly, scrambling to understand what he meant by that. 
“What have I found out, dearest husband?” You lowered your voice.
“You…you…w…will…leave…leave…me!” He choked out those words like he didn’t hear your question. 
Your eyes widened when you heard this statement. How could he think you’ll leave him? What’s the reasoning behind this logic? Are you failing as a partner? Apparently so because otherwise, your husband shouldn’t be saying, nor even thinking, about such dark thoughts. 
Some moments passed before you opened your mouth again. 
“For better and for worse…for better, for worse…for richer, for poorer…in sickness and in health…until death do us part.” You whispered those sacred vows, engraved in your mind till the end of your time. You squeezed him tighter so your bodies were melting against each other. Your husband's eyes widened when he heard them, especially when laced with so much love and adoration just like during your wedding. His chest was heaving up and down, violent hiccups jolting his body. His face was flushed, fat tears pouring from his eyes and snot steadily coming down his nose.
He was at his worst, ugly and disgusting. And you…you dared to say those words? Why…?
“Be it whether you’re at your best, at your worst, when we’re young and when we’ll grow old, whether you wear your makeup or not. I am here for you.” You swallowed thickly and fought against your own tears. Your husband needs you and you won’t fail him ever again.
𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞! 𝟏𝟗𝟓𝟎’𝐬! 𝐇𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐡𝐮𝐬𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐝 processed your words before he let out another wail that echoed in the bathroom. You felt your husband latching onto your waist and clutching onto it tightly. He was afraid that if he won’t hold tight enough you’ll get up and leave him for good. He buried his face in your neck and continued to cry harder. He was reduced to a crying mess and shadow of the person he usually portrays himself as. 
“I will never cease to love you, the dearest love of my life.”
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All of the published posts on this account/blog belongs to @shooting-love-arrows. I do not consent to my works being: translated, stolen, published or reposted on this and other sites. Likes, reblogs, comments are highly appreaciated. Thank you.
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amysubmits · 7 months
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Owning Me Is Complicated
Occasionally I come across content that makes it seem like being a Dom is easy.
Order her around, make her do the things you don't want to do, do whatever you want, "win" all the disagreements because you're the dom - or even silence her from disagreeing with you to begin with. Get sex exactly how you want it, exactly when you want it. She's just a living, breathing object that can and will do whatever you want. She has no needs other than to make your life easier. She's your own personal robot, but with a body you want to fuck. Being a dom is like a regular relationship but without the emotional labor. I'm sure there are other gender versions out there too, but I see the M/f version most often. It's so funny to me how absurd that all is compared to real life.
Owning me is complicated. Owning me means doing way more emotional labor than a vanilla relationship would require, not less.
Yes, I do what he says - but he's responsible for making the best decisions he can. He's in charge, so keeping me physically and emotionally safe is his responsibility. It's a huge part of how he earns my submission. It's no small thing to make decisions when making them well is part of how he keeps me safe and keeps me open and trusting towards him. Yes, I'll try to push my sexual limits for him - but I have complex emotional needs that accompany physical intimacy. Use my body without having respect for my physical and mental health and it'll fall apart real quick. And once again, making a reckless decision here that would leave me damaged and could forever damage our dynamic. Sure, he can take his cock out anytime and instruct me to suck and I will, but that doesn't mean it's all fun and games. He has the burden of double and triple checking that he isn't pushing me too far, or taking too much as to leave me empty. Yes, he gets the final say in disagreements, but he earns that by hearing me out. He couldn't keep me submissive if he didn't respect my feelings. I can't feel respected if I'm not heard. So he has to hear me out and really listen. And then his job is to attempt to get the best outcome for both of us. He has to try to balance our needs, because if either of us gets neglected, we individually suffer and then the relationship suffers. So he sometimes deals with the weight of threading the needle between his needs and mine, his wants and mine. His shoulders carry the weight of those choices. Yes, he can deny my wishes - and even my needs for a time, if he chose. But I am human. How long can he deny me things that bring me pleasure before I start to feel unwanted, unloved, disrespected, thrown out? Resentment would set in eventually. Self-protection would kick in eventually...and it might be too late by then, the damage may be done by the time I would wake up to look around and decide I didn't want to live like this anymore. Why would he want to even find out, given that he loves me? He wouldn't. He has a sadistic streak, so he likes to deny me things I like so that I long for them even more for a while. He likes to see me eager, desperate to get it when he decides to give it. He likes to watch me tolerate discomfort for him. Playing with these ideas require a deep understanding of my needs and limits. He has to know where "desperate for you 🥺 " starts to fade and "That goblin in the back of my head is starting to worry I'm not valued" starts to enter my thoughts. Yes, I look to him to guide and lead, and he has a lot of power and control - but that comes with the ability to destroy and damage. There's nothing easy about ownership if you feel the weight of the responsibility you're carrying.
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glitter-epoch · 3 months
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-ˋˏ [ nerve endings ] ˎˊ
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≪ zayne x afab!reader ≫ - smut under the cut, 18+ ONLY mdni!!! do NOT!!! - part two of this drabble, but all you really need to know is zayne gave you stitches and neither of you are being normal about it. - warnings: smut at the end, afab reader no gender assigned pet names or references, a couple y/n's, reader got stitches in the first part, no explicit description of wound, slight pain from the wound at one point, fingering, zayne is mean and also anxious, he's real for that, zayne's scars mention
again, 18+ under the cut! mdni!
you’re unscrewing the cap on the ointment zayne ordered for you when your phone rings. the two gigantic strides you take to cross to the kitchen are ridiculous, but you’ve been waiting for him to call since his shift ended.
zayne. his name flashes on the screen, right under the time, 8:08 PM. you fumble to get the phone in your hands and put it up to your ear, cap still balanced between your fingers. 
“hi,” you breathe out. 
zayne is quiet for a moment. something whirrs in the background, mechanical and smooth. 
“hello,” he replies, in that somehow monotonous and matter-of-fact tone. “why are you out of breath?” 
“nothing,” you swallow. “just...trying to get the cap off the ointment you got me.” 
another moment passes. the soft drone of machinery in the background clicks in your mind, finally-  
“are you driving?” you ask. surely he’s not- 
“not anymore,” zayne says, and the whirring dies. “i’m in your parking lot. i have extra bandages and dinner for you. i’ll leave them outside if you’re not in the mood for company.” 
the feelings that pass through you are like a molotov cocktail; fear and excitement and relief all at once. it all burns in your chest. zayne had said he was going to call, but once it got to be past seven o’clock, you wondered if he’d forgotten. and you didn’t really think he would come see you, but...you had maybe thought he might. 
“you got me dinner?” you start, nervously. “that’s too much. thank you.” 
you’re in your pajamas, gauze pad ungracefully peeking out over the waistband of your fuzzy blue shorts.  
“i’m not dressed,” you murmur, unsure of what exactly your goal is in saying so. you do want him to come up- 
“i don’t care about that,” he replies. “but if you need time to put something else on, i can wait. i didn’t call you until eight.” 
“yeah,” you huff, “what were you doing?” 
zayne sighs. “buying you bandages.” 
“quit paying for things!” 
you look around your apartment. it’s clean, thankfully, uncluttered and dusted; countertops gleaming to the usual degree once they’ve been wiped down. he says he doesn’t care about your outfit, and you believe him. 
you can see him in your mind’s eye- buttoning your trousers, zipping them up like it was nothing. 
“i’m glad you came,” you say, chest buzzing with nerves. “i’ll come let you in. do you remember which building i’m in?” 
“i’m already outside.” 
you scamper all the way downstairs, gliding over the complex’s steps so fast it’s a miracle you don’t slip and fall. by the time you get to the bottom, you're out of breath again; the cut over your hip sore. 
zayne’s hair is blown over his forehead by a cold breeze that curls in through the open door of the apartment building, quickly sucking all of the warm air out of the lobby. you step aside, ushering him in. 
“oh, it’s cold,” you complain, narrowing your eyes out the glass door as you shut it behind him. “are you cold? no. you have that massive coat.” 
zayne looks down at his black overcoat; the sharp triangles of the lapels framing his jaw, which is just as sharp. he takes one pale hand out of his pocket to brush the hair out of his eyes. you’re smart enough not to ogle this time, but your eyes do snag on something- 
scars. little ones, all over the back of his hand; one deeper, longer one down the center. 
if he notices your gaze falter, he doesn’t say. 
“it is cold,” zayne chides. “you shouldn’t have come down here in shorts.” 
“i was barely outside,” you retort. 
“why are you wearing them in the first place?” is zayne’s reply.  
“they have cows on them,” you mumble, pointing at the wide nose of one on your shorts. “here, come upstairs. is that soup?” 
“yes,” zayne replies simply.  
his tone is a little icier than it had been at akso, but his porcelain cheeks are red, and his lips are wet with cold, too. there’s a small black thermal bag on his other arm, and mug in that hand (also scarred, you see, and his fingers move around aimlessly). he’s nervous.  
he’s nervous. 
you’d grin if you weren’t about to throw up. 
. . .  
he’s so tall. his shadow seems to stretch out across your living room as he sits down next to you on the sofa; half-a-cushion away. it seems intentional. 
“you didn’t have to heat it up for me,” you scold. 
zayne nearly ignores this, but provides you with a small mm and shake of his head. “you shouldn’t be reaching up that high, at the microwave; your stitches could tear.” 
you inhale, trying to settle in as he clearly does the same beside you. the back of your couch barely meets his shoulder blades. the lights are low, the overheads in the kitchen a distant glow. the resting screen of the television, the far-off lights of linkon, and one small lamp on the side table remain.  
zayne’s taken his jacket off, and his usual white button-down is gone. the charcoal-grey slacks remain (they’re tailored. they have to be. nobody’s legs look that good in department store slacks).  
his shirt is black, and thermal; with subtle waffling. it looks soft, but it’s tight around his biceps. at this waist, the shirt leaves a tiny bit of room- he's strong, his shoulders are wide, but he’s lean, you think. 
things you’d never have noticed in his usual uniform, and also, things you do not need to and should not be noticing. 
you avert your eyes only to find him rolling up his sleeves.  
Lord. zayne fluffs the rice inside a small plastic box with a fork and stirs a couple of glazed chicken strips into the container, a healthy amount of steamed broccoli also placed in the side tin. instead of handing it to you, he slides it across the coffee table as a small curl of steam rises from the rice. 
the vein that starts in center of his palm and disappears through his inner-wrist flexes as he pokes the fork into one of the broccoli florets. 
“you don’t eat enough vegetables,” zayne remarks.  
he has his glasses on. you’re too busy noticing this to offer a snide reply to his comment. when you do, it’s too late. he’s noticed your staring. 
“you don’t eat with me enough to know what i eat,” is your pathetic retort. “and you’re a cardiologist, not a dietician. get another degree and then we’ll talk.” 
zayne’s smile is small but victorious. he reaches for the mug on the table and shifts until he’s facing you, knees pointed at yours. 
then he starts unscrewing it. 
“your heart health is more dependent on your diet than almost anything else,” he says, voice low, almost teasing. “other than the aether core, of course.” 
the choice to unscrew the cap right at you, his knuckles moving deftly to twist off the lodged lid, that same center-vein and a few new ones appearing on his forearm. it’s so blatant you’re glaring incredulously at him by the time he offers it to you. 
zayne blinks a little after a moment of you ignoring him, hazel eyes looking a little concerned at your coldness. “it’s soup,” he offers. “not as warm as the rice, so you can hold it.” 
you lower your chin at him, brows low: “what are you doing?” 
it’s more of a statement than a question. and zayne (who’s been weaving this game all day, but now seems to be anxious), says- 
“i’m giving you this soup i made.” 
he sets it down on the table. 
“it’s just broth and some vegetables. protein would have been too much, you already have your chicken.” 
for a moment, you think you’ve gained the upper hand. but your eyes trail after his wrists as he sets the thermos down on the table and plucks the fork out of the rice, chicken still attached. 
one corner of his lip curls when he notices.  
zayne presents the fork to you. when you don’t accept, he cocks his head. 
“i came here to make sure you eat dinner and change your bandage,” zayne says. you’re not sure if it’s pure dishonesty; his voice is too difficult to read, as always. “i’m not sure why you’d refuse the food.” 
at that, you take the fork, and eat the bite off the end.  
“i’m not refusing the food,” you swallow. “and thank you. this was very kind of you. i’m...i’m really surprised, actually.” 
the mirth fades from his features. “surprised?” 
“i just assumed you weren’t going to call,” you add quickly, almost guilty over how suddenly his demeanor shifts. “it was getting late. i didn’t want to bother you.” 
“i told you i’d call,” zayne replies softly. “if i say i’ll do something for you, i will.” 
“you do have a good track record of that,” you reply. 
he nods. “i know i do.” 
gulp. you eat more of the rice, trying to occupy yourself. “this is very good. thank you.” 
“you don’t have to say it again. why were you so worried about me calling?” 
you peer at him, a ball of rice in your cheek. “i-” you murmur over the rice, and swallow quickly. “i wasn’t worried. well, i worried something might have happened to you, but it would have been fine if you didn’t call. you already gave me stitches for free.” 
“i’m your doctor,” is his reply. 
“you’re my cardiologist.” 
“primary care doctor,” zayne counters. and he leans forward, puts his elbows on his knees. he’s still a head taller than you. “are you averse to me caring about all the other parts of you?” 
you inhale sharply to try and hide the flush that bursts in your cheeks. the next time you swallow, he follows it; watches your throat bob.  
“no, i’m not averse,” is your stupid reply.  
he blinks slowly, like a cat. the smirk returns. “mm.” 
“mm,” you bite out, dropping the fork into the box of rice and pressing on the lid. “that was very g...you know i think it was good, but i’m not super hungry right now. i’ll put it away for later, unless you want some?” 
you busy yourself with gathering up the box and the mug, so by the time you steal another nervous glance at zayne, it’s the first time you’re seeing him tilt his head forward at you. the pools of his eyes see everything; it’s like he’s looking straight into your skull. 
“y/n,” he murmurs, slow.  
your own name shocks you. there’s no doubt in your mind that he’s not going to say anything else. it’s not just your name, it’s a question. 
he’s asking you what you want.  
and he’s ridiculously patient as you sit there, box of rice and thermos in hand, blinking like a dear in headlights. you think of chickening out. 
“can you help me change the bandage, please?” you nearly whisper. 
. . .  
“this cut is technically over your lumbar plexus. there’s a nerve here,” zayne continues. he drags the pad of his finger over the flesh between your hip and the curve of your waist, examining and admiring, like you’re a specimen. “obturator.” 
you’re practically ignoring him at this point; your head is swimming, your face is hot as an iron. “obfuscator.” 
he actually laughs, albeit softly. “obturator. with a ‘t’.” 
“yeah, that’s what i said.” 
you’re standing in front of the sofa, holding up the heavy bottom edge of your crewneck. zayne sits on the coffee table in front of you. his left hand traces over the right side of your belly, dances around the stitches he put in earlier. his right hand holds the waistband of your pajama shorts down; pins them to what’s nearly the middle of your thigh.  
you’re looking up at the ceiling, trying not to think about how much of the skin over your pelvic bone is exposed. you’re also trying to steal glances at zayne, who you’re certain isn’t really here, and must be a dream.  
even looking at him is too much, though. 
“you looked that up,” you whisper. “you’re a heart doctor, not a hipbone doctor. you looked up what those nerves were called in the parking lot before i came and got you, cuz’ you knew you were gonna do this.” 
“do what?” zayne wastes no time. 
“do...”  
well. you give up, not wanting to accuse him of seducing you out loud. 
he pulls your shorts up for a moment and grabs the ointment beside him. “this shouldn’t hurt,” he says softly. “i’m only putting it around the sutures, not on the cut. then i’ll put a new bandage on.” 
“okay,” you breathe. 
he pauses. looks up at you. “okay?” 
as in, are you okay? 
you muster up the courage to look down at him, not actually wanting to alienate him. if he left now, you’d absolutely start sobbing. 
“yeah, i’m okay. sorry.” 
“don’t apologize. hold still.” 
he spreads the ointment onto his fingers. like vaseline, it appears iridescent against the low-light of the television and the distant scape of linkon. you’re trying not to drool over the two fingers he’s placing over your hiphone when you remember. 
“your scars,” you say, softly, a little nervous. “were they accidents?” 
zayne stiffens. weighs his words. “essentially.” 
you nod, not wanting to press any further. “not that it matters-” 
you gasp as he starts to spread the ointment around the sutures; a barely-stinging, mostly-cold sensation fluttering like soft wings across your skin. his fingers are cold, not as cold as usual. he’s trying to keep them warm for you. 
“yes?” zayne murmurs.  
“not that it matters,” you continue, trying to steady your breathing. “but i think they’re beautiful. like tree roots.” 
zayne stops for a moment. inhales. you watch the breadth of his shoulders rise and fall until he continues working, circling the cut over your hip with glossy fingers. 
“do you?” he asks. almost a whisper.  
you furrow your brows at him, surprised to hear a hint of insecurity in his tone. once he secures a new bandage over the wound, you know you’ve waited too long to respond.  
“of course,” you manage.  
he looks up at you, then; narrow jaw angled expectantly, his jaw shut tight.  
“you like them?” he asks again, and his voice is darker than usual. 
god. 
you nod, unsure of how else to say it. “i like them,” you start. “i like...i like you, yes.” 
zayne watches you with such intensity you wonder if he’s trying to melt you down like iron. his fingers tighten on your waistband where he holds down the right corner of your sleep shorts; then he pulls that side down further, other hand coming down over the slope of your waist.  
he grips you. his palm ignites with ice; suddenly, extremely cold. you gasp. 
“you like me.” zayne challenges. 
“i like your scars,” you argue, but you can’t take it back. you’ve already said it.  
“you like both,” he replies. his palm smooths down your waist, then snakes around to your front. he places both hands flat to your belly. 
you let go of your crewneck, surprised, as he runs his hands up your front and then wraps them around your ribs, caging you in on either side.  
“there are nerves here, too,” he mumurs. he doesn’t have to lift his arms up much to reach you like this; he’s barely reaching up to begin with. “an intercostal.” again, his hands dip lower, equally soft and calloused. his thumb presses down right under your ribs. “subcostal.” 
“you’re making these up,” you huff, trying not to squirm, not to look too enraptured.  
“you were confident enough in my medical expertise to let me put stitches in you.” 
“well,” you breathe, “i trust you.” 
“you do?” zayne remarks, like he knows exactly how much you trust him; but maybe it astonishes him. “you do...” 
“this is your sacral plexus,” he says next, pressing two thumbs in just to the right of your navel. he goes lower, spreads his hands out; they fan like wings as they travel, colder and colder as he nears your pelvic bone. “obturator, again. this is lower, on your thigh; femoral.” 
“i’ve heard of the femur.” 
he stops to laugh. “you, are...” 
you laugh with him, because if you don’t, you’ll scare off; truthfully, you’re deeply afraid of him looking at you underneath your clothes. 
he senses this. 
“you don’t want me to look at you?” zayne asks, with genuine confusion. 
you look down at him. “no, it’s not that.” 
“it is. you’re afraid.” 
“not of you.” 
“of me looking at you,” zayne replies. he considers this, brows knit together in discontent. “you have no idea how many times i’ve thought about seeing you like this.” 
his voice is sanguine. this is new for him, too; you’ve both never been here.  
zayne looks up at you. he wants to see you, wants to touch you, wants you. 
his fingers curl over your waistband, but he stops. “yes or no?” 
you watch him, trembling under his gaze, under his grip. 
you can’t say it, but you nod. yes. 
he looks down instantly, propelled forward, but as he pulls down your shorts, revealing your panties; he seems more interested in your navel. zayne lifts your crewneck with one hand and lets your shorts fall, adjusting as you step out of them. one hand comes flat to your navel, the other runs across the thin fabric covering your heat.  
you inhale. the hand on your stomach flexes; small jolts of cold prick your skin.  
zayne watches goosebumps rise there. his mouth is open, you notice- just barely, like he doesn’t even know.  
“i don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” he says, almost slurred. “the cold.” 
“no, no, it’s fine. i like it.” 
he flashes you what’s almost a glare, like it can’t be true. “another thing you like.” 
“if it’s you, i like-” 
he brushes the pad of his thumb over your clothed cunt; catches the hood of your clit. maybe he doesn’t notice at first, but when you jolt, he hums.  
“mmm,” he says. “what were you going to say?” 
“if it’s you i like all of it,” you ramble off, “anything. what are you doing?” 
“taking my time.” 
he presses his thumb to that same spot, now that he’s found it, and rubs circles. meanwhile, you bend backwards; he grabs your waist, steadies you upright, and drags his frozen palms up and down your hips. 
“you have to stand up straight, or you’ll tug on the stitches. that will hurt.” 
“i don’t...care.” 
“that’s only because you haven’t done it yet. hold still.” 
you look down at him, gasping as he presses a kiss to the flesh above your panties, next to your cut. his lips are soft, warm, unlike his hands; sheen from his own biting. he does it again, and when you jolt, his grip is firmer. 
“i won’t do anything to you if you’re going to tear your stitches,” zayne murmurs. 
he loops his fingers through the legs of your panties, pulls them down. you nearly shriek. 
“zayne!” 
he hasn’t looked down yet, yet; he’s looking into your eyes. “that would be malpractice. also, i can’t stand to hurt you. i won’t, actually- so please, hold still.” 
“it’s your fault i can’t be still.” 
“try harder.” 
when zayne’s gaze lands on your bottom half, naked, the goosebumps on your belly traveling to your cunt; you can tell that he’d been looking at you in the eyes not just to knock you off balance. he’d been preparing himself.  
you’d be naive to think he doesn’t know what to do next, but for a moment, you think he might not- his pupils are big as moons.  
“hold still,” he says again. this time, with fervor. “please, hold still.” 
he touches you like he’s going to work; like he’s been studying for this his whole life. he keeps one hand on your ribs (clearly obsessed with physically feeling your breath hitch) and runs his fingers up the inside of your thigh, opposite of the wound on your hip. 
zayne looks up at you once before dragging his finger through the center of your core. 
you gasp. 
he cocks his head, and grinds his jaw, icy fingers tightening around your ribs. “fuck.” 
he keeps exploring, but you’re so stunned to hear him curse, practically drunk just hearing him talk, that you’re too busy examining his stoic but somehow awestruck expression when he finds your clit with his thumb. 
“zayne,” you lean forward. 
his brows knit together a bit when you say his name, almost confusion, almost disbelief. “say it again, please-” 
he doesn’t have to ask, really; you gulp it out. “zayne...” 
he lurches forward and presses a kiss to your navel, almost harsh. it stops you from leaning forward too far, but you feel the tug on your stitches.  
“ouch,” you hiss. 
it’s too loud. zayne hears you; drops you immediately. you’re colder than you were with his hands on you. 
“did i hurt you?” he demands. 
you grab him, actually; take his hands back, put them where they were. 
“no, no- keep going, please, don't...” 
you don’t finish. he hears you; rubbing circles with his thumb into the bundle of nerves at the peak of your core. it’s the only finger he can use, technically, from where you’re standing, but something about it is insane.  
you’re so worked up about him touching you, breathing in and out like you’ve just come up from underwater; you forget how good it feels, how it will feel, once he finds- 
“hm,” you swallow, choking over a gasp. 
zayne doesn’t press harder; doesn’t speed up. “like this?” 
you nod. his sigh is audible, ragged. 
“you can say it, though, can’t you?” 
you blink down at him, cheeks burning. “y-yes, like this.” 
zayne growls, almost; softly, and digs his opposite fingers into your ribs. you’re not certain, but he may be feeling around for the best spot to feel your heartbeat. 
“there’s too many nerves here,” he rasps. “to name. but you’re not really thinking about that right now, are you?” 
“i like listening to you,” you choke out. 
zayne smirks. it’s a little broken, with how enraptured he is. “i thought you liked my hands.” 
“scars,” you retort. 
“that was a terrible deflection.” zayne removes his hand from your ribs, too fast, moves down and presses one finger to your heat, inside your folds; he tests it. “can i...” 
you lurch forward. he catches you, lets you drape over his shoulders. it was cruel of him to pretend you could stand the whole time, in the first place. 
“alright,” he rasps, one big hand rubbing the small of your back. “come here.” 
you half-stand, he half-pulls you to the sofa. a red streetlight beneath your apartment blears like a star through the window with the moisture gathering in your eyes. 
zayne helps you lay down, slowly; has you put your head on the armest, and your body in his lap.  
“this will be easier,” he says, smoothing his palm down your front. “try to lay flat.” 
you grind your hips into him, a little humiliated. zayne bucks up; drags a hand over his mouth, either equally humiliated or furious with you. 
he snakes his left hand underneath your crewneck and finds your nipple. he squeezes it, experimentally; you arch and he nods. 
“see? you have more room to move.” 
your nipples pebble under him as he moves about, letting his fingers crawl up to dip into the divot between your collarbones. he presses down there, leans into the ragged breath you take.  
“your hoodie,” he hums. “do you want to leave it on?” 
for a split second, you’re nervous to take it off. but when you lock eyes with him, and see how much he’s blinking, how desperate he is (despite pretending not to be) almost all of your insecurities vanish.  
you sit up, pressing into his lap to shrug off the crewneck. he’s hard underneath you- big. 
“oh, my god,” you whisper. 
“y/n,” he groans.  
zayne exhales sharply and gently cups the space between your shoulder and throat to push you back down. it dawns on you how strong he is, how easily he could throw you around. that, you think, is not in his nature. 
he presses his palm flat to the space between your breasts. you watch his eyes dart around, taking in every inch of your torso, of your now naked body on top of him.  
abruptly, he takes your clit with the pad of his finger again; but only for a moment, as he tests his middle finger at your center again.  
“there are nerves here, too,” he says darkly. “you don’t care about that anymore. can i?” 
you nod, practically shimmying down his lap to bring him closer. “yes, please, yes.” 
he dips one finger into your cunt, experimentally- but it’s easy. he slides the one finger in, and when you gasp, he takes his chance to slide in a second. you almost sit straight up. 
he starts pumping, excruciatingly slow. “do you have any idea how guilty i’ve felt?” 
you squirm, whining; he says nothing about it.  
“how many times you’ve come in to the office and not known i wanted to touch you like this? you come in for stitches on your hips, here,” he says, dragging his free hand down to ghost over the bandage. “i couldn’t believe it. and you had no idea i wanted you like this; it’s been agony.” 
“i did know,” you lie. 
“not entirely,” zayne presses, pumping faster in and out of you, “or you wouldn’t be so worked up.” 
his hands are so big, his fingers are so long; you can’t imagine being fuller than this. 
“zayne,” you whimper. it’s astonishing to you that you’ve ended up like this, but you can’t be bothered to care how you sound. 
he breathes deeply, like it’s sex for him every time you say his name.  
“you’ve wanted this,” zayne drawls. “how long?” 
“always,” you gasp. “a-always.” 
“fuck, y/n.” 
he picks up the pace one more time and you know this is it- he's determined, needs to see you cum. you squirm and writhe around in his lap, and his free hand follows every inch of it; smoothing up and down your body, but you’re almost certain he’s trying to rile you up more than he’s trying to soothe you. 
the coil in your stomach is tightens, taught like a string; you’re close.  
zayne leans down and presses a kiss to the shell of your ear.  
“i know everything about you,” he murmurs. “about your body. i know how your heartbeat feels; i’ve stitched you together. but this...is better than anything i could have imagined.” 
you cry out as you come undone, clenching around zayne’s fingers. he pulls you up into him, careful to keep your hips flat as he holds you to his chest. you bury your face in his neck, riding it out, his fingers still inside you.  
“do your stitches feel alright?” he hums.  
“shut u-up.” 
•✧•
if you know medicine and the nerves are wonky i'm begging you. remain quiet. thanks to ⚡ anon for requesting the first part of this!!! love u all!!
@lost-in-time-wanderer ur tag <3
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extemts · 11 days
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im BEGGING for some joost hurt to comfort!! something like hes having a bad day and when the reader tries to help him hes js so overwhelmed he snaps at the reader but like in the end they make up and stuff
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Valentine, my decline is so much better with you.
I love love love hurt to comfort!! This goes hand in hand with another request I had! That being said, go give your loved ones a hug and tell them you love them. requested? yes! reader? gender neutral! genre? hurt to comfort, arguing, eventual fluff
︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵
"Fuck!"
The cursing coming from the other end of your apartment today couldn't be counted on both hands anymore. Joost was two days away from releasing a single he wasn't even happy with as of now.
A few months ago you decided to finally move in together and since both of you had rather stable jobs, looking for an extra room to get your boyfriend a studio at home made sense. It gave him the chance to really focus on his music at a a place he felt comfortable at, and on top he could always ask for your opinion on something, if you weren't currently at work, where you wish you would be at right now. You decided to only take a short shift today, wanting to get home and relax, but your boyfriend had been tense the whole day, which you really didn't blame him for, but you knew he was a perfectionist when it came to his music. He had a bad habit of being rather unresponsive whenever he was really focusing on his work, meaning a tab on the shoulder while he had loud music blaring through his headphones, with his computer screen being a mess of snippets and recordings for a song, it would totally send him over the edge of sensory overload. Today was one of those days where it seemed really bad for him. He fed himself into a hole of hating a perfectly good, soon to be released, single and now he was stuck in a loophole of fixing things that didn't need to be fixed, being satisfied with them, and then when listening to it again, suddenly hating the entire thing. You have tried to offer him your help or comfort several times today, but he always declined it, yet seemed grateful for your care. It got so bad that you had to pull his chair out of the room for him to come eat dinner with you, and only if you could eat while laying on the couch so he could cuddle with you, which he desperately needed today.
You were in no way upset with him or this situation, at least not for the reasons one might be, but instead the fact that he had promised both himself and you to stop listening to upcoming releases three days prior to the date they were supposed to come out, because that was the time where his brain decided to convince him half of what he just created over months was absolute shit. There was nothing you could really do to help him, except make sure he at least remembered his basic needs like eating and sleeping.
You tried to calm yourself down and try not to worry too much about him, taking a deep breath before you heard anything curse word coming from his studio, followed by a loud shatter, and rather quiet whimpers which convinced you to go check on him one more time. When you opened the door you managed to figure out what happend- he knocked over a glass and it seemed to have cut his finger just a little. "Hun, are you okay? Let me help you." you quickly grab a few tissues to place on his finger as you tried to calm him down but he seemed to have been pushed over the edge completely with this. "I don't need your help! I told you, I dont want help, I don't need it, I am perfectly fine! Please just stop interrupting me for fucks sake." the first thing he said to you in hours and its you getting yelled at for trying to help the poor overworked man? You throw the rest of the tissues at Joost for him to care for his own issues now. "Deal with it yourself." you ended up leaving him right where we was, trying to hold back tears as you let yourself fall onto your bed, wanting to scream into the nearest pillow. This wasn't a side you knew from him, because he really never got mad at you. As much as you wanted not to have to blame him, this was beyond unnecessary.
The tears start flowing, your hands clutched against the pillow as you curl up on your side of the bed. You weren't necessarily crying about being yelled at, you were a tough one afterall, but more so the fact that he worries you so much and what you get for offering help ends up being disrespect.
You were barely even awake a few hours later, having spent the evening by scrolling through various social media apps just to distract yourself. Right when you decided to stop waiting for your boyfriend and head to sleep, you felt the dip in the mattress next to you, meaning Joost had decided to finish for today. He turns arond to face you, or more so your back, to carefully brush some hairs out of your face, allowing you to feel the new bandaid on his finger. "Sweetheart, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you." he eventually huffed, his voice quiet enough not to disturb you, even though you clearly weren't asleep. His voice was raspy, barely even audible- maybe from crying, maybe from recording vocals all day. Slowly, you turn back around to face him, your hands holding onto the blanket. "I got lost in the single and broke our promise. You just wanted to help but I was so overwhelmed and then it just all tipped over- I'm really sorry." Joost rubs his eyes as he finishes his sentence, the tear stains quite obvious on his face. You only wrap your arms around him to pull yourself close to him, feeling the need for being close. "It was unnecessary but it happens to everyone some times... Thank you for apologising."
With that, you fell victim to being covered in kisses.
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JOOOOST IS BAAAAACK
anyways i hope this was good xoxo
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nouvellevqgue · 19 days
Text
IT GIVES YOU WINGS OR LOVE?
pairing: max verstappen x redbull athlete!reader
summary: summary: sometimes, the team that brought you in, could also gives you more opportunity to even meet your lover there.
note: they're unserious, nothing was actually romantic based on my perspective.
taglist: @queenofmanydreams @muglermami @4limq @avengers-assemble123456 @cabbyhabs @meowtastick @4mula-1 @miarabanana @amel1ee @dinosushilun1 @auggieblogs @namgification @charli123456789 @cherry-piee
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yourusername
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liked by redbull and 237,144 others
yourusername Woohoo !!! SO hyped to grab 🥈 at my first slopestyle World Cup since the 2022 Olympics. Genuinely had so much fun out there today. Congrats to everyone for the insane level of riding, and thank you, as always, to the supporters for all the love ❤️ A few areas need a bit of work still, but none more than my champagne skills 🥴
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redbull Super proud of you, Y/n! 😍
username there's something about redbull athletes and winning and i can't really put my finger on it...
maxverstappen1 Proud ❤️
username What is this motherly comments, Max
username MAX LATE COMMENTING????
username Rb downfall is real y'all
username rb downfall is started from max late commenting?
username That's a sign too
username I'm planning our wedding as we speak
redbullsnow It was magnificent
landonorris ahem, probably i can teach you my *signature* champagne pop
yourusername Hmm, but I don't want to destroy anybody's trophy though
username 💀💀💀💀
username OKAY OKAY WE GET IT
username until now i'm still questioning on how did he pulled this baddie
username I really need to see her with another Red Bull athletes out there
username her bf is literally max verstappen
username wait fr?
username She literally confess it in GMA, how's that fake?
username PR relationship is real yk...
username RENEW YOUR CONTRACT, MOTHER
username istg she looks like lily's lost twin
username At least she's not dutch, I'm with her
username why? what's wrong with being dutch?
username I'M TIRED OF HEARING THEIR NATIONAL ANTHEM OKAY LEAVE ME ALONE
username naw brother, prepared to hear them national anthem at the same time
yourusername
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liked by maxverstappen1 and 188,316 others
yourusername Celebratory lunch + A lil hair touchup 😆
view all 1,589 comments
username Ahem... No pic cred?
username I think you forgot to dry your hair
yourusername My stomach's grumbling so loud already, I can't hold it anymore to even dry my hair 😂
username UGH SHE'S SO PRETTYYY 😍😍
username PLS SAY YOU WILL RENEW YOUR CONTRACT
maxverstappen1 Don't forget to spare me some 🍴🍴
yourusername How cliché of you to comment this while eating my sushi 🤨
username HER SUSHI 😭😭
username Max late commenter is back but not with his motherly comments, but with a LIE who is now debunked by his own girlfriend
maxverstappen1 I thought she wouldn't reply to this
username better not to lie to a skier
username All of these were very much so obvious. You guys don't have to act like doing a soft launch when she already dropped a literal bomb to confess that she's dating Max in GMA
username heart eyes heart eyes heart eyes heart eyes heart eyes heart eyes heart eyes heart eyes heart eyes
username I want to be her gf 😭😭😭
username You're unreal OMG
maxverstappen1
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liked by carlossainz55 and 472,580 others
maxverstappen1 Flexing master #TiffanyPartner #TiffanyHardwear
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yourusername I agreed to post here but what was the caption supposed to mean?
username It's giving Lily + Albon's dynamic
username Max influencer era is here and ready
username I want that hand to choke me
yourusername Whoa
username Istg she looks like a carbon copy of @lilymhe period.
username omg max is stealing her endorsement????
landonorris okay. the trial's over, let's make your own jpg account.
maxverstappen1 Wait, really?
landonorris no, just baiting.
username WHY IS HE SO ANNOYING 😭😭😭😭
username supportive bf max is my new favorite gender
username Who taught him to be like this?
alex_albon He's definitely has attended Alex Albon school of boyfriendery
username how come did her hair never looked the same in every frame she's in?
username but the hair color remain consistent till the end of the day
maxverstappen1 Drafts do exist, you know.
username OO ENDED THEM
username pls do a tutorial on how to make your fingers as long as hers
username I bet that is not Max's hand
username Break the bet, it is not
redbullracing · 24m
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yourusername
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liked by victoriaverstappen and 102,445 others
yourusername Truly enjoying my paddock debut here. Thank you @redbullracing for the invitation, definitely having much fun in Shanghai 🥰
view all 973 comments
username Me and the bad bitch I pulled after being WDC:
username LILY GO BACK TO ALEX'S GARAGE
username Rb couple domination is real
username Max: 🧍
username you guys better believe when they said red bull enjoyer belong, they were.
lilymhe Why are you guys looks so stiff? 💀
yourusername Wait until I asked him to go skiing. Let's see how stiff he would be.
maxverstappen1 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
username Can't wait to see Max skiing with her. Wonder if his skiing skill has improved ever since he's with her.
username next stop: the alps
username Oh it's her paddock debut? I thought I have seen her attending gp in Ausgp?
username That time she wasn't his gf just yet
alexandrasaintmleux Ahhh your fit is so cutee <3
yourusername YOURS TOOOOO 🌹🥺
username QUEEN IS BACK IN TOWN, SLAYING AS USUAL
username Whys your paddock pass looks different from the rest of the WAGS?
yourusername I was invited by @redbullracing as a guest. So that's why mine's different 💁🏼‍♀️
username Why would they invite you as a guest when you're already his gf tho😂
username Can you stop asking?
maxverstappen1
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liked by yourusername and 463,197 others
maxverstappen1 Alps: Day 1 ⛷️
view all 1,638 comments
username Wait why is it different?
maxverstappen1 Sometimes, one of us played it harshly and losing the original glasses. So we bought it new.
username AND IT ISN'T YOU??!?? OMG
username Awwww if my relationship not this sweet, I don't want it.
username Y/N WITHOUT HER RB STICKER HELMET AND ATTRIBUTES??? WOWOWOW
username mother and father🥴🥴🥴
username They're cute asf
carlossainz55 What a good day for a ski couples
username probably i should drink red bull to have someone like them
danielricciardo Who wins?
yourusername We're both... Losing, actually
danielricciardo I KNEW IT
yourusername
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liked by schecoperez and 157,839 others
yourusername Turns out, he's not that bad of a skier too.
view all 2,630 comments
maxverstappen1 Hey, I don't look like that
maxverstappen1 How could you do this after I posted out sweet moments yesterday
maxverstappen1 What is this betrayal
username Alright Granny, let's get you to bed
username WHO'S THAT ON THE SECOND SLIDEEEEEE
charles_leclerc What was that outfits 😂😂
yourusername Don't say as if your fits were not like that
charles_leclerc Mine's fashionable, sorry.
lilymhe Fashionable just for leo's eyes
username i love how contrast their posts are. ah soulmate
username I want what they're having toooooo
username His digital footprints is something that I have to go for a dig
username Well apparently the both of them were losing
username says who?
username Daniel and Y/n on Max's post
username I know they were never gonna be the best at competing at each other
username if their relationship was really a pr, i don't believe it
787 notes · View notes
superhero--imagines · 8 months
Text
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Being Sanji’s GF would include:
A/N: this is the ugliest banner I ever made I swear.
Tags: Female reader
* A man that is 6 ft +, can cook, and treats you with respect? I can’t believe we as a society weren’t simping for him before
* We already know that he loves pretty girls, so if you reciprocate his advances—he’s down hook, line, and sinker
* I feel like he’d fall hard and fast for someone a bit shy, with a soft form of kindness
* Sanji himself is so kind, even if it’s in these extremes depending on the gender of the recipient
* So seeing someone who kindness comes to so naturally, where it isn’t a flickering flame or a bright fire, but just a soft warmth that linger in all of their actions leaves him in awe
* “You’re amazing.”
* He’s still got a wandering eye though, so catch him randomly slapping himself or sitting with his face in his hands as he tries to restrain himself from ‘being unfaithful’
* “Hey Sanji?”
* “Hmmm.”
* “Have you ever thought about cheating on me?”
* The dishes he was washing clatters in the sink and he grabs your hand in both of his, kneeling in front of you
* “Never!” And he means it, he might look but he would never dream of being with someone other than you. “You’re the only person I want to be with.”
* I think as time goes on he gets a lot better at understanding why he feels the way he does, and eventually the flirtatious behavior cools down even though he’s still as kind as always because he realizes it comes from a place of craving validation instead of genuine love
* And honestly, now that he has you he doesn’t need it from anyone else anymore
* “(Y/N)-chan, can you get me the oregano?”
* You smile as you get it from the fridge, it’s not easy for him to ask you to do things
* He has the biggest goofiest grin on his face when you wrap your arms around his waist and rest your head on his shoulder
* Sanji would literally give you a romance as big as the world — or he’d try to at least
* “Sanji this is really lovely.” And you mean it, the candle lit dinner and all your favorite foods at the center of the deck
* “But um, I feel a little bad for Luffy.” It’s more than a little, there’s an entire waterfall of drool falling past his lips from his spot behind a pillar.
* His fingers curl under your chin, urging you to meet his gaze
* “There’s nothing to feel bad about, of course I would spoil the most important person in my life.”
* Your cheeks heat up from the words.
* “But Sanji—“ you look to the pillar seeing seven faces quickly duck, and a hand grab luffys still salivating head. “—they’re all staring!”
* If you could die from embarrassment you’d be six feet under
* “Let them stare, it’s because they’re dazzled by your beauty.”
* “Actually it’s because we’re hungry!” Luffy shouts, only to have his mouth covered by Nami.
* Sanji ends up making them a snack.
* His favorite hobby is pretending Chopper is your child when you guys go out
* “When are you guys going to stop pretending he’s your baby?” Zoro growls
* You look over at Chopper who’s happily sitting on Sanji’s shoulders, munching away on cotton candy
* “When he stops pretending to enjoy it,” You respond
* “That’s never going to happen!” Chopper shouts with a giggle
* He’s so greedy with you I swear
* You give him a kiss, he gives you back at least five
* You hold his hand, he keeps you glued to his side for the rest of the night
* “I know it’s ugly of me to get an inch and take a mile, but…around you I just can’t keep myself from trying.”
* He learns how to make all your favorite childhood foods, either from a relative or by studying old recipe books from your homeland
* And if you ever seem homesick or you’re feeling down he’ll suspense you with the dish
* “How did you learn to make this?” Your region is a far ways away from his usual French cuisine
* “I have my secrets.”
* Please cook for this man, just once, make a fancy dinner and have the whole crew pitch in as wait staff
* “You’re always taking care of us so this time we wanted to serve you!”
* He’ll eat half-burned pasta with tears of joy streaming down his face
* “This is the best meal I’ve ever had.”
* He’ll fall even harder for you if you have his wanted poster near your bunk bed
* “There’s a little red stain near my lips though—“
* “Ah, sometimes when I can’t see you at night I give it a little kiss for luck haha.”
* He’s dead. Sanjis dead.
* Cause of death: love sickness
* He died happy though
* He’s just such a simp for you man
* Like, take the shirt off his back and lay it over a puddle so you don’t get your feet wet, hear you’re craving a certain type of food and make it the next meal, buys you feminine hygiene products from the store with pride (along with some snacks he knows you like, kiss your hands and worship the ground you walk on type of love.
* Honestly what a dream
A/N: kinda wanna make a nsfw version too.
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slayfics · 5 months
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Eijiro confesses his feelings to you and Katsuki.
Kiribaku x Reader
1,600 words~
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You turned the page in the book as you sunk more into Eijiro's bed.
"UGH!" I'm tired of studying!" You exclaimed, unable to hold in your frustration anymore.
"Same- let's take a break," Eijiro concluded setting aside his book.
"Tch- no wonder you damn extras are always complaining about the exams. You don't work hard enough!" Katsuki barked at you both.
"Awe- come on Bakugo we deserve a break," Eijiro pleaded. "Plus... I kind of wanted to talk to you both about something."
"What's wrong?" Bakugo asked his friend curiously.
"Nothing's wrong I just-" Eijiro began to say before being cut off by Katsuki.
"Yes, there is. You got that stupid look in your eye. Just tell us," He demanded.
"Well ok... here it goes... so I uh- I have a crush I guess-" Eijiro began.
"Aweeee~" You began to say in a sing-song voice. Katsuki grunted and rolled his eyes looking back at his studying materials.
"Don't be mean Bakugo!" You spat and knocked the studying materials out of his hand.
"HEY!" He began to yell at you before Eijiro spoke up again.
"You guys, come on! I really need help!"
"Fine! Just be quick and spit it out. This shit makes me uncomfortable," Katsuki replied.
"I like um someone, and I just don't know what to do about it..." Eijiro finished.
"Fucking tell them and stop bugging us about it," Katsuki said bluntly.
"Don't listen to him," you said giving Katsuki a playful shove.
"God damn it extra! THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING!" Katsuki yelled at you, frustrated by your playfulness.
You ignored Katsuki and continued talking to Eijiro. "As much as I hate to admit it, Bakugo's right. Just be honest with her," you said smiling at him.
"Oh well um- I just don't know how they will react," Eijiro said, Katsuki stayed silent with his arms crossed, his disdain for this conversation all too obvious.
"Oh, they? I'm sorry for assuming Kirishima! Is this a boy? Or wait, non-binary?"
"N-no- well I mean k-kind of-?" Eijiro said, stuttering his words suddenly.
"Oh! They must be gender fluid?" You asked.
"Um- Uh- I uh- I don't know- but- that's not the point!" Eijiro said, starting to get flustered as he looked between you and Katsuki nervously.
"The hell?" Katsuki grumbled, raising an eyebrow. "Why are you being so damn weird about this shitty hair? Who the fuck is it anyway?"
"I uh... I don't know if I can say yet- well maybe- I don't know," Eijiro said, letting out a big sigh and hiding his face in his hands.
"Sorry, are we overwhelming you? Just tell us how to help. We're here for you Kirishima." You said, patting him on the back.
Eijiro mumbled into his hands, "What happens if I tell them, and they don't feel the same?"
"HA?!! THEN I'LL MURDER THEM!!" Katsuki yelled. "How could they not feel the same?? You're going to be an amazing pro hero, and you're always too damn nice to everyone so- yeah- of course they will feel the same idiot," Katsuki said and looked away from you both, his arms crossing just a bit tighter as he wondered who could have caught Eijiro's attention.
Katsuki was very observant, so the fact that he hadn't noticed his best friend and developed a crush on someone was dumbfounding him. More important, he was concerned about who, and if they'd be good enough for Eijiro.
Eijiro picked his head up from his hands, a small blush was tinted on his cheeks at Katsuki's compliments.
"You- you really think so?" He asked.
"Duh- I don't just say shit to say it dumb ass," Katsuki said.
"Well so... if they do feel the same- then what do I do?" Eijiro asked.
You tilted your head to the side, "What do you mean, Kirishima?"
"Like- if they... feel the same way about me... then what? Where do I go from there?" He asked.
"Well then maybe plan a day to spend time together? That way you can get to know them more." You suggested.
"Hmmm...," Eijiro mumbled and looked down. "Well what if... what if I already spend a lot of time with... them?" he asked, and hesitantly looked back up at you.
"Oh uh... well I don't know, maybe you just give them a kiss, if you both are confessing your feelings?" You said and started to wonder more about what was going on. It seemed like nothing you and Katsuki had said was making Eijiro feel any better. He actually seemed to be more on edge now.
"Oh man," Eijiro said and hid his face again.
"The hell is wrong now?!" Katsuki asked annoyed.
"This is so not manly at all but- I've never kissed anyone before," Eijiro said.
"You're joking right?" Katsuki asked.
"No man! I'm not joking, come on don't make fun of me!" Eijiro said giving Katsuki a defeated look.
"Hey, it's ok! Everyone has different experiences!" You said, trying to calm him. "It's not that hard Kirishima, don't stress. It'll come naturally in the moment." You spoke.
"But what if it doesn't?! Have you seen my teeth?! What If I hurt them?? Or- or- what if my quirk goes off? Man, that would be so bad! Haven't I showed you what I did to my own eye?!?!" He said, panicking swinging his arms and pointing at the scar on his eye.
"Wow wow- calm down Kirishima," You begged him. It pained you to see your friend so upset that you wanted to do anything to help ease his anxieties. "Did um- did you... want to practice?" You squeaked out so low that Eijiro and Katsuki almost didn't hear.
"The fuck?!" Katsuki exclaimed.
"Wait- like... kiss you???" Eijiro asked, his whole face igniting in a blush.
"I'm sorry! That was weird for me to offer, wasn't it?! I didn't mean for that- I just- I hate seeing you so upset and-" You spat out anxiously feeling embarrassed by your offer.
"No!" Eijiro stopped you. "I uh-... can I?" He asked looking at you with wide eyes.
"You're fucking joking, right? I'm out of here," Katsuki said standing up.
"No! Bakugo wait!" Eijiro called after him.
"HA? Why the fuck would I stay for that?!" He barked.
"Yeah stay," you said. "If you leave then it does make it weird, then it's not just friends helping each other out and- well uh it would feel too intimate if it was just me and Kirishima, and this is just for practice." You explained.
"Uh yeah right..." Eijiro said, but suddenly looked downcast by your explanation.
"Tch- whatever," Katsuki said, sitting back down and looking away from you two. "Just fucking do it then so we can get back to studying,"
"Right ok," Eijiro said to himself as he hyped himself up.
"Alright well- go ahead," you said shrugging your shoulders.
"Um- just go? Like that?" Eijiro said blushing.
You couldn't help but giggle at his nervousness. "Yeah silly- here I'll get closer," you said scooting over to him more on the bed.
"Ok- ok-" He mumbled as he nervously shook. "I'm going to do it-"
"FUCKING KISS ALREADY!" Katsuki yelled.
Eijiro startled by Katsuki's yell, jumped, and moved his lips quickly to yours, causing his teeth to knock into yours.
"OW-" You exclaimed as your hand shot up to your lips.
"OH MAN! I'm so sorry! See I hurt you, didn't I!? That's exactly what I was worried about!" Eijiro cried out, tears beginning to form in his eyes.
"It's fine Kirishima! It didn't really hurt, it just startled me!" You said, trying to calm him.
"Oh my god! No, your lip is bleeding! I'm the worst at this!" He cried.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP KIRISHIMA!" Katsuki yelled, startling you both, and causing you both to turn to him. "Why the fuck are you always so down on yourself!? COME HERE-" Katsuki yelled and grabbed Eijiro by his shirt collar pulling him closer. You watched as Eijiro was now pressed against Katsuki by force. The moment happened fast but you could have sworn you saw it in slow motion. Katsuki forcefully pressed his lips to Eijiro's.
A surprised, "Hmpfh~," escaped Eijiro as you watched him close his eyes momentarily getting lost in the kiss.
Then, as suddenly as he had yanked him, Katsuki threw Eijiro back down to the bed.
"There, see you can kiss someone without hurting them. So- stop fucking crying," Katsuki barked.
Eijiro looked up at his friend, his face flushed as he panted slightly, "Bakugo that-"
"DON'T FUCKING TALK ABOUT IT!" Katsuki warned. "JUST- just go! Go tell whatever dumb fucking extra it is how you feel! Just- get the fuck out of here already," Katsuki yelled and looked away. You could have sworn you saw mist in his eyes before he turned away.
"Uh Bakugo-... we're in Kirishima's room," you dared to say.
"Tch- I'll fucking leave then," he said beginning to storm out.
"Bakugo wait!" Kirishima called after him.
"FUCKING WHAT!?" He yelled but didn't turn around to face you two.
"I already did..." Eijiro said.
"Hu?" Katsuki exclaimed and turned around looking at Eijiro, a confused look on his face. His cheeks were flushed, and his eyes were watery.
"I did... I- I told them... both of them..." Eijiro said, quietly and the room froze. No one spoke for a moment as you all stayed in this moment processing what it had meant, and what this whole interaction had been about.
"Both?... Kirishima... Is that what you mean by they- you meant they as in plural?"
"You mean... both- as in... both of us? You like both of us?" Katsuki asked him, eyes wide.
Eijrio nodded his head shyly.
The three of you looked at each other now having an understanding.
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Tags: @unofficialmuilover @maddietries @fiannee
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gumycandyyy · 9 months
Text
୨♡ Winter King HCS ♡୧
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I am ashamed of tumblr for not making more fanfic of this funky fruit.
We got some general HCS and then some romantic ones under the cut! (I went a little overboard with the romantic ones, hehe!)
Gender-neutral
୨♡ General ♡୧
-Man's self care routine is off the charts
-I'm serious, he has like- 80 different bubble bath concoctions.
-Smells like mint
-or some kind of cold scent.
-I feel like he loves dressing up fancy, so he has a closet full of sparkly suits
-maybe even some dresses if he's feeling special.
-Doesn't actually need to wear glasses, he just likes how they look.
-While he loves his winter wonder world, I feel like he'd enjoy rainy weather more than snow.
-He got rid of all his madness and sadness, yes, but I think he'd cry at something especially cute. Happy tears, y'know?
"Why are you crying, sir? Are you okay?" "Oh, it's nothing. *sniff* Just those two rabbits that are cuddling."
-He is really bad at any percussion instrument
-like.. REALLY bad.
-His hands are too delicate for such a garish instrument as the drums!
-He loves playing duets on the piano, but rarely has anyone to play with.
-I mean, he could always concoct up an ice creature to play piano with him, but that's honestly quite dull.
-His favorite movie would probably be an old Christmas movie, like It's a Wonderful Life.
-He gets kidnapped by the Candy Queen so often, that occasionally he brings a book or something snuggly to help him wait for his ice scouts to rescue him.
-He once got so bored while kidnapped that he tried to read to some of the mutilated candy people
-That was the last time he saw his favorite book.
-Safe to say he doesn't bring his favorites anymore.
୨♡ Romantic ♡୧
-Will literally spoil his love interest rotten.
-You want that thing you saw earlier?
-Consider it yours
-You'd like for it to snow outside?
-A sprinkle or a blizzard?
-Literally anything, this man will go to the ends of the universe to get you what you'd like.
-Love languages are definitely gift giving and physical touch
-probably acts of service too.
-Loves dancing.
-Loves dancing.
-Whether it be a slow dance or ice-skating, he will take every opportunity to dance with you!
-He adores short people.
-Good, because he's tall as a giant.
-if you're shorter than him, he will no doubt use you as an armrest.
-He always makes remarks on how cute you are.
-Even if you're only two inches shorter than him.
-If you're taller...
-hoo boy.
-Expect him to be all over you.
-figuratively and literally.
-Will want you to carry him everywhere, sit in your lap, rest against you, whatever.
-Just let him touch you.
-He'll talk about how strong you are, how you'd be the perfect chair, etc. etc.
-He does the stupid "How's the weather up there?" jokes.
-Loves your body, no matter what it looks like.
-You're skinny?
-You're easy to carry around and dance with.
-You're chubby or fat?
-Literally will always be holding onto or resting on part of you. He loves squishy people.
-Somewhere in the middle?
-He could not care less. He loves you regardless of what you look like.
-And he makes sure to emphasize his point by complimenting you endlessly.
-He will never leave your side.
-Even if you need space, he doesn't.
-So why wouldn't you?
-Back to our regularly scheduled fluff-
-Candy Queen hates your guts.
-She thinks you're an obstacle, keeping her from the Winter King.
-No doubt tries to kill you.
-Multiple times. a day
-Her plans are always foiled, but if she gets too close to genuinely hurting you, Winter will be so upset.
"Oh, Dearest, please tell me you're okay!" "You are?" "Phew. I don't know what I'd do if you were hurt in any way."
-His petnames for you are probably
-Darling,
-Dearest,
-My love,
-There are a lot more, but those are the main ones.
-LOVES kissing you.
-Anytime, any way.
-He finds it adorable when his nose bumps your face.
-Favorite place to kiss would probably be the back of your hand.
-He is a gentleman after all.
-Overall, he just adores you.
-And he sincerely hopes you love him just as much as he does you.
Headcanon requests are open for Winter King! Don't be afraid to send an ask, and be shameless! I know I am! (No smut tho. Some spice is okay, however.)
Have some free WK art for coming this far!
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reblog for a beginner writer?
1K notes · View notes
ddejavvu · 9 months
Note
Can‘t stop thinking about the usually so confident hotch getting yk kinda shy and clumsy all of a sudden, everyones just so confused as to why he‘s getting a bit quieter or redder in the face with seemingly no reason
But when in a case meeting they notice Hotch gripping the sides of his chair, biting his nails (nervous tick), making himself small in his chair and his leg shaking so much that they can feel it in through the floor
And you just standing behind him, one hand on the back of his chair not even really touching his shoulder with your fingertips and listening to whatever Garcia has to say with your full attention that they realize how Hotch has it bad BAD for you
You don't make it into the round table room until after everyone else is already seated, and unfortunately for you, that means you're out of a chair. Your typical seat is filled by Strauss, who looks less-than-pleased at your late entry, but holds her tongue.
"I'm sorry for being late, everyone," You linger behind the seat facing the screen that Garcia has prepared, your hands resting on the back of Hotch's chair, "There was an accident right in front of me, and I had to give a witness statement. Have we started yet?"
The team is used to Aaron leading conversation, but it's not necessarily weird that he doesn't, and Derek shakes his head.
"All good- uh, Y/L/N." He seems to have been going for a nickname that Strauss would not be amused with, and wisely reels himself in, "We barely got halfway through."
"I'll-" You lean down over the back of Hotch's chair, and it creaks as he shifts in it. You peer down at the case file that's open in front of him, and his eyes are glued to the word victim as you scan the details over his shoulder. He can't move them, he can't act natural, he's stiff as a board and tense in his seat.
"Oh," Your nose wrinkles at the word enucleator, "Gross. Okay, well- uh, go ahead, Garcia. I think I'm caught up."
"Okay. So victim number three was just last night, in this parking garage," She grimaces as the image on the screen, "And wow, that's nasty. But- um, Houston PD has asked for your help, and I really don't want to look at this anymore, so I'm gonna go, and- and let you take over. Do your- profiler genius thing," She stammers, gaze averted from the screen as she rushes out, emphasizing her command with a wave of her hands, "Be gone!"
Reid gets right into things by rattling off statistics on enucleators. They're fascinating, really, but not entirely helpful, and you lean down once more to inspect the case file.
"Sorry," You murmur beside Hotch's ear when your fingertips brush against his shoulder, "My seat was taken."
He doesn't answer, can't afford to open his mouth and hear his voice waver. All he does is nod, once, stiffly, and it casts an uncomfortable ache over your chest. Is he angry with you?
He could be annoyed, perhaps. That you were late in front of Strauss. But he's never been afraid to chew out an agent in front of an audience if it's what they truly deserve, and if he had a problem with your tardiness you're sure he would let it be known.
"Are you okay?" You ask him in that same low murmur, one that sends shivers down his spine to a place he can't think about with you hovering above him. He nods, vigorously so, and his tie moves with the gesture. You decide that he's just uncharacteristically nervous about Strauss's presence, perhaps she's threatening once more to demote him or fire him altogether.
You reach down to place your hands on his shoulders in what's supposed to be a supportive gesture. You squeeze gently at them, feeling his muscles impossibly tense, and the room falls silent as Reid's ramble ends.
"Okay, so these victims aren't connected," Morgan reads off of his case file, "Different genders, different races, different tax brackets, nothing in here that suggests there's a common thread. Opportunity, then?"
"It looks like it." JJ agrees, "I mean, a parking lot at night? That's high-risk. I'm willing to bet this guy just stumbled upon his first chance and took it, then couldn't stop."
There's a quiet round of agreement, some 'yeah's and a thoughtful nods, and the room falls silent. This is Hotch's moment, his time to share his conclusions, his thoughts, his doubts, his orders,, but he can't bring himself to do any of that. Not when your thumbs are gently rubbing out the kinks in his muscles, hidden from view like a comfort you're sharing with him in secret. He can't bring his mind to generate any adequate responses, so he pretends to busy himself with the file in front of him to avoid the probing gazes of his coworkers.
They're smirking. They know what's going on, they see the pink tinge on Hotch's face, they hear his foot tapping the floor beneath the table, they know he's fumbling for words like a lovesick teen.
Strauss is not as amused.
"Agent Hotchner, might I remind you that you're the chief of this team? They are awaiting your instruction."
You press your hands harder into his shoulders, thumbs digging further into his tense muscles to soothe him through his nerves. He feels your hands hold him tighter, feels that staticky feeling threaten to envelop the last part of his brain that had remained clear, and speaks before it can overtake him.
"Wheels up in thirty." He snaps, voice forcibly firm, "Dismissed."
Strauss seems rather displeased with his mediocre orders, but she doesn't say it. She lets Dave herd her out the door with the promise of freshly brewed coffee in the kitchen, and Aaron pointedly ignores the thumbs-up that the older man shoots behind his back as he leads her away.
"She's gone," You breathe, patting Hotch's shoulders as you release your grip on him, "God, she's scary."
"Derek," Emily calls sweetly, "Can you come with me to my desk? I had a newspaper clipping I wanted to show you."
Your nose wrinkles, newspaper clipping? Emily doesn't read the newspaper.
"I'd like to see it too," Reid rushes to follow them, "Uh- JJ, come on, Garcia said she wanted to see you before we took off. She wanted to give you that- uh, thing."
"That thing!" JJ repeats, grinning madly at you as she tails Reid out of the door, "See you on the jet!"
"That thing," You echo in a scoff, "Hotch, did you ever follow through with that drug test on Garcia? I think they might both be on it. Whatever it is."
Hotch manages a weak chuckle, and it brings a frown back to your face.
"Hotch, come on." You plead, "Are you really worried about Strauss?"
No. He's not. He always is, a little bit, but that's not what has his attention. He can't shake the feeling of your hands on his shoulders, rubbing out the knots in his muscles and pressing flush to his form. He wants to feel your hands over him again, in the same places and in others, but there's a bozo running around Texas removing people's eyes, and he can't afford to focus on that now.
"She's got nothing on you," You take his silence for an answer, smiling sympathetically at him, "Come on, Hotch, just forget about her, and lead like you normally would. That's enough to impress her, I guarantee it. You can do this, Hotch."
Looking at your earnest smile, standing only feet away from you when you reach out to grab hold of his hand and squeeze sympathetically, Aaron is certain of only one thing: He cannot do this.
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lazylittledragon · 2 months
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what do you mean youre technically a detransitioner cause of terf bullshit?
it's a v long story but i detransitioned for a couple of years when i was 16/17, for multiple reasons but mostly because i fell into the blaire white/kalvin garrah chamber of "you have to be This way to be trans otherwise you're not real".
i was already Deeply insecure about myself and my 'passing' and i was led to believe that i couldn't want to wear makeup or skirts, and i couldn't choose not to have bottom surgery, and i couldn't do anything but bind for 12+ hours a day to the point that my ribcage is still misshapen. basically i thought that if i wasn't suffering enough doing 'feminine' things, i couldn't really be trans, so i should just go back to being a girl and suck it up.
the terf bullshit is because i'd seen a lot of terfs/detransitioners talking about the 'dangers' of testosterone and how it would turn me into a horrible ugly evil monster and how there was nothing worse than wanting to be a man. which combined with 'you need to fully medically transition to be valid at all' creates some very dangerous and upsetting feelings to cope with.
it also came from trying really hard to put myself in a little box before i realised that my sexuality/gender are very fluid and it's FINE for me not to have a label and just do whatever i want. when i was 19 or so i went back to using they/them (and eventually he/him) and changed my name again because even though i like doing 'feminine' things, i don't want to be seen as a woman.
tldr: i was conditioned by transphobic/terf rhetorics to think that i was being trans the 'wrong' way so i couldn't be trans at all, so i believed i must actually be a girl if i still wanted to do 'feminine' things. nowadays i am a transmasc who does feminine things because i don't give two shits about what any transmed prick thinks of me anymore.
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