#women can be pieces of shit men can queer folk can i can be you can be to me theres an ability just as people and the world of choice that

[lumea-art]

Hey, guys! I'd like to address a personal issue which actually concerns everyone in this fandom. Please, read and react somehow🙏 For those on the bojere fanbook server, that's going to be pretty much the same as what you read yesterday. If I'm too direct or accidentally overshare, sorry, keep in mind that I'm autistic

So for quite a long time I felt secretly disliked in the fandom. I am a very anxious person, I hang on every piece of feedback that I get so it bothered me a lot. I wasn't allowed to participate in the Käärijä zine and they never explained why and I almost didn't get in the bojere fanbook as well but at least the mods were kind enough to communicate the issue

So the mods told me yesterday that people felt uncomfortable about me taking part in this and having me on the server. I felt very down the whole day and didn't understand shit until Moko and Due gave me the explanation. The issue was "radfem" in my bio on Twitter. They explained to me how my associating with radfem made them think I was potentially threatening to other people on the server, especially the queer folk. But the thing is I turned out to be quite different. I consider myself to be radfem cause I've had a lot of traumatic experience with men (SA, abusive relationship), I don't want any other women to go through something like I had to experience, I am with women, I'm fighting for our comfort and against the patriarchy. Also I am from Kazakhstan and we have big issues with women's rights here including all kinds of abuse and femicide for which men tend to not get in jail. You might have heard how our ex minister of Economics abused and k*lled his wife and didn't get in jail until the case reached the news. That's all, that's what it means TO ME to be radfem. So I guess this radfem is different to the one you're used to. I am not transphobic and I have never thought my views had anything to do with queer people. I have always been nothing but respectful towards queer people, online or irl. I have nonbinary friends who are comfortable with communicating with me. As a cis person, I may not understand something, but we tend to talk anything through in order to understand each other better, not waiting for any of us get hurt accidentally. So I suggest the same - if you need further clarification, you can ask me questions in reblog or dms and I'll answer. Also I'm open to literature suggestions to get to understand you guys better💕

Also regarding Russian-Ukranian issue in case anyone has a problem with it

Since I'm openly Russian speaking (though being from Kazakhstan and half Ukrainian myself), Ukrainians might have an issue with me and I perfectly understand why so I try not to bother them. However, some of them didn't want to leave me and my friends alone. You might have seen this big Russian-Ukranian fight on twitter in April, mostly taking place in JO fandom. The thing is that (again) people don't dig deep and assume I am pro Russian since I speak Russian and happen to not be able to speak Ukrainian or Kazakh (in Kazakhstan we mostly speak Russian). Me and my Russian speaking friends were bullied, our personal info was leaked without our permission and one of us got threatened to be physically hurt once she arrives to a JO gig we are all going to. Of course I protected my friends and myself, maybe not in the best way possible. Luckily, we were able to talk everything through with the guys and no one means to hurt anyone anymore. I suggested doing commissions for donations and I still do that if you're interested. I am pro Ukrainian and pro Palestinian and genocides suck

If someone doesn't want to communicate with me for whatever reason, just don't, what's the problem. But don't limit a person before clarifying things, I beg you. Please, I really want to be on good terms with everyone. I wish peace to everyone 🙏

[hellofears]

having issues with men, the associations the instant distrust, which i dont like i dont want it i want things to be different, just all of it so much just the dynamic i have the relationship all of it the way the world is atleast online and having a younger brother. I wouldn't trade him for the world, I try and talk to him where I can and will continue to do so i adore him but i fear. i believe in him i want joy for him. I fear that his peers will feed him fckn brainrot and it scares me. not even just that he'll fall into that thinking that his fuckn upstanding that his unwillingness to follow ppl will hurt him. crazy shit at schools, like why tf r ppl dying kids young teens killing eaachother with knives? ??I don't want to loose him i don't want to see him loose who he is and the heart that he has i don't and i hope he rises above it all and will continue to. i feel like im stating what he has to be or smth but all i could ask for is his wellbeing, respect, humanity, that he treats himself well know what he deserves and has some sense of self, some gravity. I feel like shit sometimes for this aspect that i'm concerned that i just idk, i dont like the whole 'dont disappoint me' thing he owes nothing to me other than basic human decency and respect, hes a reason why i live but to i just that intrusive thought of there is no different the hell u think of is real about men to someone i hold so fckn dear to in a way show me their fckn fuckery its idk, like another? it'd hurt me, it'd hurt me bad.

i've never understood men or boys, amab, who go on about their connection or like protectiveness of their sisters of their mother but treat other women like shit like their familiars aren't women? you don't want to fuck them so its different? what is it like just whats the difference why does it have to pertain to you for you to care? do you care or do you see them as an extension? is it a personality trait for you? a 'lover boy' thing? a signal to women, women u imagine u want and is going to be 'ur woman' but u cant even like visualize them in a way that doesnt pertain to your sexual interests? a signal so people can say oh he loves his mother so hes good to go and prime? a 'mummys boy' ? are they not real women just because u dont feel that sort of way? talking about women that way with your friends? do i have to bring up the fact those same people could date your sister etc for you to care? those people could make the kids that surround your kids, your daughter. idk.

its like okay u want sex so u respect them less? did no one hear dont bite the hand that feeds you? what the fuck is going on. you cant fuck them so its all good? the demeaning-ness? lack of gravity, venom is just rapid, vapid

[a-dinosaur-a-day]

Why So Serious? This is a Dinosaur Blog?

So we live in a world that has built its entire mythology off of hierarchies. The idea that the rich are better than the poor. The whites better than people of color. Men better than women. Able-bodied and able-minded better than the disabled and neurodivergent. Straight, cis folk better than queers. christians better than any other people of any other religion. That's the society we in "western" places live in. Another fundamental component of that is that humans are better, more important, more "evolved" or "chosen" than any other living thing.

and that is just as false as all the rest of them.

you can't dismantle it without dismantling the others first, of course. since humano-supremacy is the one the rest is built off of, you won't properly unlearn it unless you unlearn white supremacy first. that's why we see countless vegans being real racist pieces of shit all the time.

but you do have to unlearn anthropocentrism, too. you do. because the biosphere is all fundamentally equal. we are one part of nature, of the ecosystem, connected to all the rest. we are partners in the evolution of life. understanding that is necessary: to combat climate change, to fight against ecofascism, to ensure the survival of our species and the world. we are not uniquely evil or uniquely good. we're just some naked apes that made a bunch of mistakes, but we can fix them, too.

I live with five parrots. every day they remind me that the idea humans are "more evolved" is ridiculous. they understand things I would never expect. and they remind me that they're dinosaurs every damn day. and that's just another type of tetrapod, something so close to us its easy to empathize with them. Now apply it to fungi. It gets harder, right?

But that's why we have to keep working.

And that's why we have to see the history of life not just as an interesting story, but the story of us. The history of all of us. and it explains so much! The quirks of geology lead to the geography of slavery in the united states. Humans wouldn't have even evolved if a rock hadn't randomly hit the planet at the right time. We have hiccups because we descend from fish. The list goes on.

We need to produce a human population that thinks ecologically and evolutionarily, so that we can tackle the real problems and move forward.

And that's why I'm so gd-damned serious about dinosaurs. Because dinosaurs, in that western mythos, are the "lumbering, dumb lizards" that went extinct because they sucked, so the cool mammals could come in and run the show - and we, the coolest mammals of all, took our rightful place as the leaders.

But that's not what happened.

Dinosaurs were well adapted for their environments, intelligent and active animals - and were thriving right until the end-Cretaceous. Nonavian ones only went extinct because of a giant space rock. And dinosaurs are STILL WITH US - as birds - and doing better than ever. There are more species of dinosaur alive today than there are mammals. and humans just kind of, happened, thanks to some lucky accidents. we are as much a product of random chance as the extinction of nonavian dinosaurs was.

All of our anthropocentric myths are just that - myths. frankly, how can we call ourselves "more evolved", when we're destroying the planet - gleefully and rapidly? We have to unlearn this myth.

And, in between crying about my thesis, I will do everything I can to help people unlearn that myth and see the true beauty that is the history of life.

so, yeah. come learn with me. it's the only way to liberate us all.

[themonsterblogofmonsters]

As some of you may have noticed, this blog has been on hiatus for some time and is likely to remain so. Partly this is because I've been absorbed by another fandom and partly it's because JKR has been radicalised into a TERFy piece of shit and I'm wrestling with where to take this blog given that. When I do eventually return here, it will be because I'm writing a HP fic with the aim of tackling some of the problems in canon and with JKRs own current views.

I hope I do not need to say: trans people are people. Trans women are women. Trans men are men. Non-binary folk are non-binary. We cannot speak for someone else's lived experience and perception and to do so is the height of arrogance - and to then push these people to the outside due to personal feelings, allowing them to be further victimised due to one's own unresolved issues? That is unspeakably selfish.

As Terry Pratchett once wrote: sin is when you treat people as things.

Trans people are not the cause of oppression for others. When radicalised perhaps you might think or feel so but at the end of the day, trans folks are still marginalised: they do not have that power. The ones who do have that power are obvious and have been the enemies of feminists and queer folks from the start: capitalism, patriarchy, racism and western imperialism.

Do not punch down. Do not punch sideways. Punch up.

This is all to say:

This blog is on hiatus. If you spot typos, grammar errors or inconsistencies in old posts let me know and I'll fix them.

The askbox remains open. Questions will be answered but likely not as in depth as once they were.

TERFs can fuck off to hell. If you follow me expecting me to support your bullshit because I love HP you are wrong. I have blocked you cunts before and I will again.

[butchladymaria]

11, 12, and 16 for the violence asks!! I need to know

OG POST HERE!!!

11. number of fandom-related words you’ve filtered

actually all 36 terms i have filtered are fandom-related lmao. honestly i use the filtering system as a way to clean up my dash. i sometimes filter a tag if someone i follow gets into a new thing that i’m ambivalent about or unfamiliar with. it means i can keep following them without seeing stuff i’m just not all that interested in yet but also (and especially) to avoid having something spoiled for me if i want to check it out in future! it also means that i can click the “show” button if i’m in the mood for something specific or want to learn more about it — go to their blog and just look for anything filtered :) this is literally the only way i know of to search a tumblr account for specific shit because the actual search function is Actually Useless Shit

16. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

man there’s so many picks here but i’d have to say annalise. she’s not unpopular as in actively disliked afaik, just more generally overlooked. i need to post more about her but like — she’s such a key piece of bloodborne’s themes around gender and motherhood and its a goddamn shame it doesn’t get talked about more!!! she feels like a foil to miss doll in many ways (editor’s note: i Went Off on this but it needs to be its own post, so rest assured i will elaborate lol). she’s such a goddamn tragic character. in so many ways it feels that she retreated into the role of the queen to cope with the loss of her people: there’s nothing left of her home besides that. she calls herself “we”, not “i”. she is the queen of cainhurst before she is a human being and it feels like a very visceral reaction to the bigotry of the church. she is trapped in the throne room in a nightgown — evidenced the fact that her portraits show her wearing period-typical gowns, and the attire she wears looks like historical sleepwear. it makes me fucking insane. she was wearing her nightgown when the executioners attacked. despite seeing everyone she ever knew and loved be butchered before her eyes, despite being reviled as a corrupted subhuman monstrosity, despite being imprisoned in complete solitude for god only knows how long, she still fucking demands your respect and i love her for it. she is canonically some flavor of queer on account of the fact she rejects your marriage proposal in an identical way regardless of gender. i am able to fulfill my fantasy of a beautiful vampire woman bossing me around thru her questline. what is not to fucking like!!!!

17. you can’t understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc.)

hands down probably the defanging of the women characters: chiefly maria, miss doll, and adella/arianna. like, i know WHY it happens (misogyny) but it’s still baffling to me. why are you making them waifus. follow up question is your taste honest to god just that boring, and if so get better soon. they’re so much cooler than that. shut the fuck up. maria is such a complex character and if i see another clown reducing her to some soft maternal wifey because… what, she was compassionate to the research hall patients and felt bad about doing uhhh *checks notes* A Whole Ass Genocide???? i will staple myself to the ceiling. like some folks will do the most absurd mental gymnastics to call a woman in any media maternal for the most basic things 😭. in a similar vein are the people who shit themselves to death trying to claim that she TOTALLY COULD HAVE BEEN a femmey little uwu housewife even though she has a canonical and marked preference for masc presentation, and actually a woman conforming to victorian gender roles and being attracted to men is an EPIC FEMINIST WIN, actually. usually this comes from cis and/or hets who are convinced they are personally oppressed because like 3 queers on tumblr said maria is a butch lesbian. having said that there are so many amazing artists and theorycrafters that when i was trying to link specific posts/art the list was actually a million years long. some people are annoying but MORE people are so cool and thoughtful and creative!!!!! shoutout to nishihii saintadeline butchjolyne and pretty much all the lgbtqs in the mariadeline tag, all of your work is like oxygen to me 💕 yall are amazing :)

it’s the same with miss doll. either their complexity is painted over by making her the butt of those insufferable sex doll jokes or they’re made out to be this pure innocent mommy/housewife. usually this is hand in hand with just blatantly ignoring the misogyny inherent to the dynamic between her, maria, and gerhman and i just have to wonder how anyone manages to so spectacularly miss the point. i wrote a forty page paper on this. needless to say it makes me insane. i’m also a big fan of YOUR theories on the matter for a different yet equally neat perspective :) also i think marble did a post on it but i cannot for my LIFE find it

also i cannot stress enough how lame it is that adella gets reduced to a flat stereotype. they took a violently traumatized woman who was groomed into loathing herself by the catholic blood cult and who desperately clings onto the hunter for showing her justo the most basic decency of not Leaving Her To Die and decided instead of any of that it would be way cooler to water her down into a “yandere”. same can be said for arianna. like istg if they were men ther would be ESSAYS. but then again if they were men their themes would literally not even be half as cool AND they couldn’t be lesbians so i am writing the essays myself. tl;dr i am absolutely OBSESSED with both @/jurasicass and @/undefeatablesin’s portrayals of both these ladies. finally some good fucking adella/hunter/arianna dynamics‼️‼️‼️

[how-queerious]

honestly tired of straight fans of shows who can't understand the queer subtext or echoing of queer experiences in media. whether it is intentional on behalf of the writers, specific acting/directorial/framing choices, or simply storylines that are so near to real life queer experiences that neither the writers room nor the "stage team" intended. this also applies to costuming details (i.e. Eddie's black handkerchief in Stranger Things) and lighting choices (see any instance of bisexual colour palettes in emotionally charged or intimate scenes).

These straight fans are really beginning to get to me. and i say straight fans because in the instances I'm seeing its predominantly cishet men and women (teenage and up typically) shitting on queer fans and the essence of fandom in general. the ones who have been making me particularly frustrated lately are straight fans of Stranger Things and Critical Role (as they are two of my biggest interests atm). I want to dive particularly into the Stranger Things piece, as I have many thoughts on the matter. If you want to read my thoughts, you can click Read More. If not, feel free to scroll.

Let's start with the straight fans, particularly younger (mid teens to early 20s), of Stranger Things. They are pushing forward a lot of hate towards fanworks, particularly fanfic, fan songs, and cosplayers. The specific fics and costumers are typically those who portray any kind of queerness or are writing or playing Steve/Eddie (Steddie) and Robin/Nancy (Ronance) from what I've seen, though general hate for cosplayers is increasingly common as well. These fans both publicly and privately berate, mock, and harrass creatives within the fandom space, using the tired rhetoric of "historical accuracy" (because queer folk didn't exist in the 1980s but the in series homophobia that comes to the point of violence did) or "they can't be gay because they're straight".

The "x character cant be gay because y" line is rampant among all age groups of Syranger Things fans, which is disheartening for people new to fan spaces and frustrating for more experienced fans.

The most popular version of this is to say that Steve Harrington can't be anything but straight because he has only extremely explicitly been interested in women. However many of the actors themselves beg to differ, including Joe Keery who plays him. Keery has repeatedly made character choices such as long glances to other male characters lips (Gif 1), getting physically closer than necessary to other male characters (Gif 2), and treating them very similarly to explicit female "love interests".

Having explored Steve's side of the equation, I think its pertinent to discuss Eddie's as well. With Eddie its much harder for the straight fans to make an argument that Eddie could never be queer. He more openly flirts with Steve* (Gif 3), appears to know and use the Hanky Code (which I'll expand on in a moment), and was never presented as the popular macho male type. He is a social outcast, a pariah for both his drug dealing and interests in metal and D&D. He also has a subtly hinted interest in BDSM, as noted by the handcuffs on his belt (Gif 4) and the black handkerchief in his back pocket (Gif 5). The latter is in following the 1980s Hanky Code that was popular in the queer community from the 70s on, though has been diminishing over the paat two decades or so.

*- Joseph Quinn (Eddie's actor) has openly stated that he is playing that angle on purpose, and improvised many of the lines that heavily indicate it. This has been stated in multiple interviews.

There is, however, a secondary issuewith straight fans in relation to Eddie. Straight fans who are shipping Eddie and another character Chrissy Cunningham have a habit of reducing Chrissy to a sweet, simple girl who should get with the "big, strong, masculine bad boy", there by doing a great disservice to both characters, and Chrissy moreso than Eddie. These fans are undercutting the complexities of Chrissy's character and flattening her into a one-dimesional girl-next-door esque young woman, rather than the complex and traumatized person she is. She is sweet and kind (the only highly femme cast member who is not rude or bullying to our main group), but she is also starting to come out of what seems to be a controlling relationship, undergoing abuse from her mother at home, and grappling with an eating disorder. She is a character showing signs of depression, who came to Eddie initally for ketamine to deal with visions from Vecna, and found a possible friend and confidant in Eddie. The two bonded over reputaions not matching up to reality (the vapid cheerleader, the freak who worships satan), and that was a friendship Chrissy needed and deserved. The straight fans reducing her character to a sweet girl for Eddie to corrupt or making her purpose be to "fix" Eddie are harkening on some pretty misogynist stuff to do so, in a way that sets my teeth on edge.

All this is not to say that straight interpretations of Steve and Eddie are wrong, or that shipping Eddie/Chrissy (Eddissy) is inherently bad. It is the attitude towards the queer fans, the rhetoric that eludes to queer fans and fans who are queer allies being delusional for interpreting the characters as queer, the misogynist undertones of many Eddie/Chrissy shippers portrayal of their relationship, and the overarching disrespect these fans have for fandom space and expression. That is what irks me so much.

Anyways, thank you for sticking around to finish the post! If you have anything to add to the discussion, for or against my points, feel free to reblog or comment. Just please be respectful of each other, the discussion space, and myself. Any bullying, harrassment, or juvenile name calling will result in a removal of the comment from the post and a block. Peace out homies!

[john-bigfeet-bigfoot]

In a trans solidarity posting mood again, so...

Sorry for what happened to the word boypussy and how that cheated trans men out of the girldick equivalent and got attributed to trans girl butts by chasers who'd rather think of themselves as gay than horny for trans women because they'll take the barely easier self-loathing baggage.

Same with femboy and how that got fucked up for feminine trans dudes and cis guys who just like wearing skirts and cute socks sometimes.

Steroid scandals in pro athletics getting fucked up for people who want to transition, deal with regular medical problems, or just get into bodybuilding without going through the NFL professional brain damage pipeline, to barely scratch the surface of trans athletes being perceived as predators who took necessarily drastic steps for mental health reasons to win some shiny pieces of metal between Olympic village orgies that I don't want to begin to think about how bad that part would potentially get for trans Olympic athletes of any kind.

We really gotta collectively put aside the infighting shit when we can and focus on doing something about people openly wanting to commit murder and war crimes over minor self-identity differences.

T-masc/T-femme/Nonbinary/Gay/Lesbian/Bi/Pan/Queer/Racial/any other basically harmlessly different weird folks who just want to live in relative peace without needing to punch people about it...solidarity.

We must master the art of peace in addition to the art of war and all, but one really can't exist without the other.

Magneto was only half-right, and peace is an option, but it's not perfectly guaranteed, even less so if you do nothing to fight for it.

We don't want to punch people against their will. We don't want people to be Nazis who need the wake up call.

But we'll do it if we have to.

And right now, we DO have to.

[possessionisamyth]

If One Piece, Bayonetta and Resident Evil debuted in the late 2010s or onwards, what improvements and downgrades in terms of character and plot do you think they would have? Especially in regards to female, minority and LGBT rep?

I think they'd be dogshit across the board lol. But I'll put all this under a read more so other people can skip by it.

Look, I know people get queer coding (good and done by people who are bending censorship rules as much as they can to show gay rep) and queer baiting (bad because it's hetero people doing "will they, wont they" with intent to make money off the gay fans they've accumulated and give no actual rep) confused with each other, but the 2010's was The Time for queer baiting. It was also the time where internet consciousness was getting a lot of new words for various genders and sexualities. Hell, I was a university student when demisexual started to spread around in online social spaces, and all these new flags were being created so fast none of the more adult gays I knew could keep up. Which is saying something!

The intersection of feminism, race politics, and queer politics were being highlighted and examined by a new generation of adults who were figuring out who they were and wanted to know where they stood. They were also being horribly shat on by people whether they were gay or straight or men or women. A fuck ton of racism was inescapable to all audiences as "reverse racism" and "blackwashing" were coined by every white person even slightly offended that a random artist they'd never met decided to draw an anime character with brown skin and the loosest curls of black hair. It didn't matter how popular these white content creators were either because they got away with the harassment with little to no consequences! In the 2010s I couldn't name a single fandom where people actually got a fuck ton of hate mail and death threats for being racist, but I could and can still name fandoms where black and brown folk get slurs in their inboxes for having taste and good design sense.

There's legitimately people who say cartoons which came out in the 90s that they enjoyed as children couldn't come out today in the exact same manner because they'd be "too woke". This means having any woman lead that didn't breast boobily where ever she walked is "catering to the evil sjws". Claire would get knocked down. Jill would get knocked down. Nami and Robin would "gradually improve" because Oda draws them and all the other women worse as time progresses. The infighting with Bayonetta would be it's own very special ring of hell.

I would murder people if I had to see en masse every white man shitting on the decisions to make Carlos and Luis visibly brown and call it "brown washing". I'd see blood as groups of terminally online white women would accuse both of these men as being aggressive and pushy towards Jill and Ashley who they would in the same breath romantically pair with fucking Nikolai and Ramon or some shit. I saw this happen with Dragon Age. I saw this happen with Fallout. I want blood! From a corporate perspective, you can also look at RE6 and understand corporations were at a point of trying to cater to a market of whatever is "most well received" at the time. Guess what? Every big game company was doing their best to make the same money as Last of Us and Call of Duty. You couldn't escape the yellow or pale blue camera filters unless you lived on the Steam page and only the Steam page.

Did you ever see that art of white Lucio and white Black Panther? Did you know that Homestuck fans had to make a POCStuck tag for their art in an attempt to avoid harassment? Did you know about the fanfic authors incorporating BLM into their fic for shits and giggles on ao3? Did you see the widespread posts of trans white women saying that trans black women were taking over the narrative? Did you see the fat-shaming and racist vitriol in the androgyny tags? Did you know about tumblr closing the accounts of black organizers online and saying they were russian bots trying to kill the election? All of this was in the 2010s! LIKE!!!!! IT WAS ABSOLUTE INSANITY!!!! And most of this was still just on tumblr! I wouldn't even know where to begin with reddit. And god, fucking Gamergate happened in that decade too. It was hell.

The 2010s was a time for a lot of change, and many vocal minorities did not like it and pushed back super hard. This lead to many artists and directors whether indie or corporate making changes in their media and stories for the worse. It is still frustrating and weird as shit watching tumblr white artists I remember from those days who were making real unscrupulous content now making money off the same crowds of people on here with "their change of heart". And by change of heart I mean pretending they never did anything. Did they apologize? I'll never know, and if I ask it could go normally with a private DM or extremely terribly for me if they make my ask public! I do know a lot of them got jobs in the industry though if they didn't start their own business, so there's that!

I think Resident Evil, One Piece, and Bayonetta came out exactly when they should have. Yes, a lot of concepts in them did not age well. Yes, they could be better about representation. Yes, there are changes being made now with both One Piece and the Resident Evil Remakes that would've been nice to have a decade ago. Yet had they came out into the world any later, they might not have gotten off the ground, especially with these corporations buying up each other as quickly as they have been.

I am by no means saying the 90s and 2000s were specifically better for queer rep, feminism, and poc rep in media. Sometimes we got really good shit, and sometimes we got horrible, harmful stereotypes. There were a lot of gray zones too. I was a kid during those times, and viewing the world from a child's eyes is different than viewing things from the eyes of the adult. I can look at media made from those decades and tell which ones aged well and which ones did not. I can determine intent behind narrative choices and see who put their heart into their works. However, these things were also made during a time where anyone could make a movie, tv show, or video game without it being a huge ordeal outside of making the damn thing. Today that is no longer the case because of executives wanting to shove their statistics for money making into every single development decision that's made, and a lot of people don't know how they can navigate their art away from that hollow tube of garbage to get in the door.

[obsessive-bear-walking]

I've never been one to overly police fandom but I will say that I'm actually begging you guys to be considerate of the fact that queer people get nothing we look like the majority sometimes but a lot of it is fetishism of mlm, trans women, internalized misogyny, and misogyny. wlw don't get 1/4 the attention mlm get and aphobia. Ace characters? Canonically sex disinterested ace characters? Too bad you're fucking because someone finds you hot. I know it doesn't seem like that, but it is.

Also, I know how much of fandom is based on projection so a lot of folks are writing for themselves, but please understand this, you need to be considerate of the people who Yelena is actually for as a canon queer character. I see a lot of debates about "If you can make everyone gay why does sexuality matter?" it is different. Fandom has always had a and issue with how it treats queer people when we are sitting right here and I am not asking you to drop and erase every single piece of fan content you've made that erases a character's queerness. I am only asking you to be compassionate. Gonna do one of those stupid apple comparisons. (Sorry) Personally, I'm trans, gay, and demiromantic. I have maybe 10 apples to live off of and some of them rotted, not even remotely editable either because they're too old for most people born after my generation to eat.(as in queers under 25 might have no idea who they are) or because they're predatory or bad representation.

Also, like none of them are aspec. Cis het people? They, each individual, not as a group, have hundreds of thousand ache orchards. (I wont get into race/ethnicity, religion, and disabled/abled here but that makes it even more complicated and I don't think I should be the person to make a post about race)

If I personally took 300 apples from you it would not hurt your apple population at all. There would be 0 change in your apple consumption you wouldn't even notice they were gone. Though straight people love to act like they're losing something and the world is over and "evil queer pandering" when they're faves become queer ... it doesn't actually hurt you, you're just kinda being babies.

Also a lot of my gay apples came with women who hated me, who thought it was strange or gross that I was an actual gay man because how dare a gay man exist outside of their little sexy sinful day dreams? How dare I love men? So sometimes, understandably when we see our stuff being taken and added to the majority it can fucking hurt, our apples are only in the double digits, if that, and some of them are rotted through.

I'm not specifically in the fandom Yelena is from. I don't know a ton about her but when you absolutely flood fandom with content that erases her queerness that hurts the queer people in your spaces, who are actually working hard at building your spaces too. So I'm just saying, be mindful be considerate have an ounce of compassion before you completely flood Yelena's tag to no return with stuff that would hurt the people that she's for and make them feel alienated and like they don't matter. One of my friends fandoms has a queer character who's always shipped outside of their boundaries you finally see a queer character in the sea of nothing and their tag is only full of them with their orientation erased? I've had women in fandom say in their own wrods that they love certain queer ships but always genderbend one because they think queer folks are gross or strange.

That shit hurts. It's just another reminder that we don't belong in fandom, there isn't actually a place for us despite a lot of the content being about us. I don't want any "but ace people can date" discourse on this post I'm just saying be mindful. I also don't wanna hear from people(not even queer ones) whining that fiction isn't reality. That's not what this is about and I am not attacking anyone I am not saying "never write these things"/"Never post these things" I'm just saying to have some thought and consideration. That's all this post is.

[dreamties]

Slashers W/ a Punk S/O

T/W- q*eer is used a few times- in a positive, self affirming kind of way. But I can add other trigger warnings if needed. :)

A/n- Literally no one asked for this, but I wanted to make more HCs like the soft pastel one...so I just went wild and made them. 

I included a little bit of punk culture into this as well, because it’s not just about the fashion, but since there’s such a vast variety within punk culture I mostly stuck with my experiences in the community, and some bits and pieces from documentaries(mostly live footage from “The Decline of Western Civilization”).

Characters: Billy/Stu, The Lost Boys, Norman Bates, Michael Myers

Will make one(s) for Brahms, Amanda, Helen or Daniel if asked

Billy Loomis + Stu Macher

so early 90s, the Riot Grrrl movement emerges

bands like Bikini Kill, Bratmobile, Heavens to Betsy or Sleater-Kinney

it’s a very female-powered oriented movement, but I notice that a lot of minorities tend to be drawn to this music and community (LGBT folks, people of color, etc).

both boys, and yourself, being outside of the norm and all (polyamorous relationship, gay/bi) are sort of drawn to it!

and sure there’s a lot of really great queercore/homocore bands, and there’s probably a good LGBT+ punk scene out there somewhere, but in a little town like Woodsboro? Hell no. Sticking with this fem punk movement, while again mostly a space for women in music- it’s the most accepted the three of you have felt outside of you’re relationship. 

you’ve always been pretty into the music, stuff like Dead Kennedys, Black Flag, or the short-lived Germs- but it wasn’t until you stumbled upon Riot Grrrl that you really got into it. 

the music, making zines about local-ish political issues(probably not so much Woodsboro stuff, more Cali in general and neighboring towns) and a few ones with queer themes and hand-drawn illustrations of your partners, and DIYing all your clothes

since you’re so experienced with DIYing your clothes and sewing on patches, you’ve helped repair the Ghostface costumes on numerous occasions. they kind of adore this(Stu is the only one that will- and does, frequently- admit that)

Let’s face it, the three of you do everything together- but you especially enjoy when Stu tags along for thrift dates. 

he’s the more fashionable one, and he makes the whole experience more enjoyable- cracking jokes and just being his all-around goofy self.

Woodsboro is a very little town, so they don’t have much...but they do have a few small stores- usually you’ll make a whole day/date out of it though. driving to the next town or so over, since they have more stores and a better selection, and spending hours looking for cheap, old t-shirts, belts, clothes with funky patterns. heading out for pizza after.

Billy’s more likely to get into the music and everything with you(he’s kinda,, angsty, no offense to him)- will definitely go to shows with you.

just- imagine Billy in ripped jeans. and he’d have like one or two patches sewn on to it- one of them is your all time favorite band, and the other is a band that he found on his own time, and actually really enjoyed.

Stu is dragged along with you guys, you can’t just leave him at home- he’s gonna feel left out and sad. :(

He’s mostly there to keep y’all company- he really likes the energy of the shows though!

the two of them are such a chaotic duo though, so much so that you have definitely been kicked out or banned from a few venues. all for varying reasons. good grief these men can not be tamed.

The Lost Boys

as we all know, these vampires are total punks. so they’re gonna appreciate having a s/o who’s also into that whole scene.

How you meet:

you’re a baby punk, and it’s your first show ever, and you look so nervous. you’re dressed up in pretty plain clothes, a single homemade patch for your favorite band barely hanging to your jacket side(you were mid-way sewing it, when you realized you were gonna be late if you didn’t leave asap).

it’s a few local bands, ones you’d never really heard of really. you look anxious. but when they start playing? you look so unapologetically yourself, you’re so in the moment dancing- it’s completely mesmerizing to the boys. the music isn’t even that good, but you seem to be having the time of your life.

they greet you after the show, and you’re a tiny bit flustered- cause gosh, heck, they saw you. dancing. so embarrassing. 

David is the one that introduces himself and the group, and initiates conversation. Dwayne’s a pretty quiet guy, so he just listens to what you have to say. 

Marko’s pretty excited about you, and initiates in some small conversation, he may have complimented your little patch(Marko- patch jacket KING, complimenting your jacket?? more likely than you’d think) 

and oh, oh- Paul is out there being a total chatty-cathy, and is absolutely bombarding you with questions. like, okay, Paul is pretty talkative, but the other vamps are a little worried that he’s scared you off. and you had seemed so cool :(

you end up pretty engaged in your convo with Paul though, even if all the attention is overwhelming. He ends up snagging a date for the five of you the following week.

once you start hanging out/dating:

y’all just hit it off so well those first few days. they all love how sweet & shy you are- but also how much of a badass punk babe you are.

Marko helps make your patch jacket(collecting ones for bands you enjoy, how to make your own, sewing them on, etc). you probably could have done it w/out his help, but my gosh- you weren’t going to pass up this opportunity. Marko gets really soft around you sometimes, since he doesn’t really do this activity with anyone else, it’s saved for you. 🥺🥺

Dwayne likes listening to you talking about the local scene(outside of the shows you go to- mostly about stuff he can’t attend, protests and meetings during the daylight.)

all of them(especially David) are very protective of you. I mean, generally. but also when you go to shows. they let you do whatever the heck you’re gonna do, but the mere second that someone even thinks about starting shit w/ you?? well, y’know. those vampire instincts kick in.

the four of them obviously share a lot of similar tastes in music- but they all have different favorite bands, & fave parts of the community. which, they can’t even fully participate in,, but it’s okay.

they, individually, introduce their favorite bands to you. and they get it in their head that oh, they said they liked it. they must like it as much as I do. and awkwardly coming out to the four of them, as they argue about your favorite band, “Well, actually- this *insert band they’ve never heard of or barely listen to* is my favorite.” and their just kinda like, oh, okay. please tell us more about them. 

so it’s sorta like,, you’ve been learning all this cool knowledge from them, now you get to share cool knowledge with them.

idk. I think it’s cute. 💕

Norman Bates

so first off- let’s just pretend Psycho was in at least the 70s/80s for a moment. because realistically- the punk subculture didn’t really exist back then.

baby boy is absolutely fascinated by the way you dress (mother is less thrilled though)

imagine your jacket is getting a bit weathered, and needs some repairs- so he helps you to sew edges closed, and make sure the patches aren’t on too loose, etc

he enjoys hearing your stories of all the past shows you’ve gone to. you always get so excited about them, and he finds that so endearing. But he pretty much leaves the actual punk scene to you because of these stories.

he was already worried from the stories, and made sure you were well prepared for any trouble every time you left for a show.

but one time, you were able to get him to join you. never again though. he was so nervous!

the music was too loud! and he could hardly understand what they were saying- it was so confusing!

you stayed with him most of the night, standing near the back, holding his hand. he’d gently bob his head to the music occasionally. 

but you accidentally found yourself swept into the crowd, but you looked so blissed-out in the moment, that he figured it would be okay for you to dance* over there for a little bit...right?  

*Norman is still unsure if you’d even call that dancing.

Thankfully, nothing bad happened in the mosh pit.

you gotta give him lots of attention and reassurance afterwards though- you almost scared Norman half to death D:

He’s happy enough helping you out and listening to you though- and that’s okay for you, too. you still love each other lots, even if this particular interest doesn’t overlap.

Michael Myers

he thinks you’re outfits are pretty interesting. 

he’s a little worried at first, when you start experimenting with putting things like safety pins in your ears. cause like- that’s not supposed to be in your ear, Y/n, what the fuck

if you make zines at all, Michael really enjoys watching you make the illustrations for them(not that he’ll admit to it though), and helps to find newspaper and magazine clippings to incorporate into the spreads.

you always show michael the final booklet before distributing it

he doesn’t talk a lot, so he doesn’t ask questions- but he often does the little head tilt once you give it to him. since he’s not very privy to current events, and a lot of your zines are political, you spend a lot of time explaining them in depth.

he has no use for any of this knowledge, but he listens on, intently.

Important note:

dear god do not bring this man to concerts and local shows with you.

it is a nightmare, to say the least

Michael is sort of,, emotionless sometimes, doesn’t really care for people at all, and if he does? definitely not in the same way most people do. 

so imagine combining that part of michael, the fact that he’s also a giant stabby man, with super loud, energetic- almost aggressive- sounding music and a bunch of strangers that aren’t respecting any personal boundaries. 

you need to keep him at the back of the venue- lest your local scene may go missing.

[skeleton-monarch]

We really need to talk about how unsafe it has gotten being transmasc in queer spaces is.

We’re pushed aside, told that we have male privilege, told we oppress women because of our identity, and that our oppression isn’t as bad as others. It makes us easy targets to manipulate, to abuse, to ridicule.

TERF talking points have been spread over the queer community like soft butter on warm bread. It’s melted in.

I see so many think pieces and posts about how trans men as a whole are drowned in toxic masculinity and how it harms women. How passing trans men are basically cis men. You see pieces like this

[Image ID: a cropped screenshot of an article that says:

Although they are transgender, Ashley and Man’s medical transitions have allowed them to conform to traditional standards of beauty and thus access cis-male privilege. They both fail to recognize that, as cis-passing folks, they are not in fact pushing society to accept new beauty standards. it’s more like they are implying that the trans community needs to conform to cis-typical beauty to be accepted.

End image id]

(source: https://gender.medium.com/14-1-context-of-abuse-1b14effa72aa)

I really do want to stress that these men were just talking about being openly trans and modeling. And how that was pushing the boundaries of beauty standards.

In addition to this transmascs who are abused have nowhere to go. nowhere to turn to. [links: https://medium.com/the-establishment/finding-nowhere-to-go-when-youre-transmasculine-and-sexually-assaulted-de360054cdcc

https://www.advocate.com/commentary/2015/07/23/op-ed-trans-men-experience-far-more-violence-most-people-assume?amp]

Most shelters who help with these issues are focused on women and only accept women, which harms all men. This part is purely an opinion and has no backing other than personal experience, but, I think this is due to a conservative-christian-turned-TERF idea, bio essentialism and gender essentialism. “All men are rapists. All men are abusers. Women are soft and pure and need to be protected from the evil abusive men.”

The online queer community is especially hostile to transmascs. Constantly downplaying our experiences. Claiming we cant call our experiences certain words. Claiming we’re talking over women. Claiming we’re raging misogynists at every turn. I’ve been afraid of talking about my own experiences, in fear of being told it’s all “misdirected bigotry”.

The other day an ex-coworker of mine called a trans man the t slur. I wonder if he has anyone to turn to when the transphobia gets too much. or if he’s isolated. And it brings up another point. that ex-coworker? He was gay. People constantly talk about the transphobia within lesbian communities (which frankly turns lesbophobic extremely quickly.) but rarely is it mentioned the extreme transphobia within the gay community. The chasers, the abusers, the plain transphobes.

None of this even touches the double standards, the misogyny, the self-loathing and self-flagellation transmascs are expected to preform, the racism inherent in these ideas, or the lack of research on transmascs experiences. but I’m burnt out and I don’t think I can read one more account of the bigotry we face. And I am not the person you should be looking towards to learn about racism.

Please listen to us and support us. We need to stop fighting with each other and start fighting for each other.

(if you shit on transfems while replying to this or adding onto it you will be blocked and reported.)

[luminescentauthor]

Sora/Tobi Getting Together and Relationship Headcanons

THEY’RE HEEEEEERREEEE! Maybe Tobi will finally leave me alone now and stop taking up my whole brain.

Please read this post or this won’t make sense, it’s HCs about their third year. There’s also a part two that you don’t need to read, since everything you need is in part one. (U can if u want to tho.)

(If you don’t want to, basically all you need to know is: Nao, Sora, Tobi, and Mokichi are on first-name basis since the end of second year; Sora and Tobi have had a running prank war since the end of their first year and everyone on the team hates them because of it; Sora is captain, Mokichi is vice. Oh also Tobi’s aunt is awesome and she stormed into his parents’ house in Hiroshima to yell at them for being terrible parents. Tobi didn’t find out for the longest time.)

This is some 10-ass pages so headcanons below the cut!

This. Is. So much more chaotic than my Sora/Nao HCs. Prepare for disaster gays, very tired and very exasperated queer parent friend Momoharu, very very tired Mokichi, "usually a functional bi but the second you involve emotions he becomes a grade-a disaster bisexual" Tobi, Sora struggling to deal with "OH shit I'm gay," and "bows to absolutely no one and done with everyone and everything 24/7" Nanao Nao. This version of Nao is so much more of a tired badass than Sora/Nao's Nao, who stays more true to her canon self. 

It's also twice as long. Yeet.

Tobi and Sora have had growing feelings since their first year and Mokichi and Nao are fucking suffering with these stupid gays.

They were friends at first, and it really was just pure platonic feelings. It started to turn into something more a little after the first Taiei game, but Sora is shy and a certified disaster and Tobi is way too emotionally constipated for either of them to do anything about it.

Tobi I love you but you're a fucking mess.

Tobi actually got kicked out by his "father" in large part for being bisexual, and therefore wants absolutely nothing to do with growing feelings for tiny cute short teammate, nope nope no thank you-

But basically, Tobi has known he's bi for a while now, and while he's having some acceptance problems, he's not having the "OH GOD I'M GAY" panic

Sora has not known, and he's having a panic in the background because "I'm attracted to guys?!"

Sora starts realizing what's going on some time in second year, and Momoharu takes one look at the panicking Sora and goes "aight the fuck happened to you?"

You will have to pry their friendship from my cold dead hands and I'm not sorry. I love Momoharu and Sora's dynamic. 

Sora eventually confesses to Momoharu (after a lot of prodding) that he thinks he's turning gay, and Momoharu immediately starts laughing. Sora, hurt and feeling very stupid, goes to run, but Momoharu tugs him back down to sit and tells him, "Jesus, Sora, you don't turn gay. You either identify as gay or you don't. Sorry for scaring you, the concept of turning gay is just... oddly funny. Don't worry about it dude, I'm pansexual."

"...Pansexual?" Sora asks nervously.

"Yup, I'm attracted to all people regardless of gender. Men, women, people who don't fit either -- I don't much care. Gender doesn't really factor into whether or not I'm attracted to people."

"You can be attracted to multiple genders?" Sora asks, eyes wide.

Oh boy, Momoharu thinks. Poor kid. "Yeah, folks who are attracted to just men and women are called bisexual. Homosexual is the official word for those who are only attracted to their own gender, but gay or lesbian is usually used. Heterosexual is for those only attracted to the opposite gender. Of course, the lines aren't as clear set as those labels suggest they are. Sexuality is fucky, dude. Don't worry about not having it figured out. I only decided on a label a few months back, myself. Some people just choose not to label it at all."

That makes Sora feel better, and he takes to talking to Momoharu about it quite a bit.

At one point, Sora brings up how the team would react, especially since they share a locker room. Momoharu just gives him a deadpan look and then says in the flattest voice ever, "Wow, imagine being so insecure in your masculinity that you can't share a changing room with a gay man." That gets a laugh out of Sora and makes him feel a lot better.

As it turns out, this was word for word Chiaki's reaction to Momoharu being nervous about coming out to the team back in their first year.

It is also, word for word, Chiaki's response to Sora coming out to him going "I'm sorry I hope this doesn't make things awkward-"

Momoharu laughs hysterically when Chiaki pulls the exact same face he did and says in the exact same deadpan tone, "Wow, imagine being so insecure in your masculinity that you can't share a changing room with a gay man." Sora also stares at Chiaki for about ten seconds in silence, then doubles over laughing. Chiaki is so confused until Momoharu explains. 

However, this does mean that Momoharu has to deal with the brunt of Sora's "TOBI DID A THING HOLY SHIT" rants for the rest of the year, even though he denies that Tobi is the one he was attracted to if ever asked.

Momoharu, rubbing his forehead: Chiaki the baby gays are being stupid what do I do

Chiaki: I'm a straight so unfortunately I don't think I can help here?

Momoharu: Ugggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Tobi is freaking out in the background because "oh no gay feelins oh no soft feelins fuck what do I do????"

His aunt: Kid, please calm down, you'll be fine.

Tobi, putting a groove in the floor with his pacing: NO I WON'T WHA' IF 'E FINDS OUT WHAT IF THIS RUINS THA TEAM DYNAMIC WHAT IF 'E 'ATES ME-

Accent go yeet when upset!

She holds him while he panics and lets him curl into her, and then makes his favorite foods and puts on a movie and cuddles with him, and once he's asleep, she calls her brother-in-law with every intent of murder because how dare you make this child feel so unloved?

Anyway, Tobi eventually comes to accept himself and his sexuality in full thanks to her, the team, and Juri. It's primarily just a thing of time and needing to have more conversations where he's open about it and accepted by people he cares about. 

Poor Sora still isn't totally comfortable with being gay? And a month or so into his third year, he comes out to Nao and later Mokichi. They make him feel much better, but the final piece is actually Tobi himself. Tobi finds Sora having a breakdown in the locker rooms and holds him to help him calm down and pushes him to talk about it, and Sora finally tells Tobi he's queer.

And Tobi, having been through this struggle before, just kind of pulls him into a hug and says, "Well, tha' makes two o' us" and Sora goes "wHAT" and Tobi tells him he's bisexual. Tobi does not pry about who made Sora realize he's queer, because it's personal and touchy, and he respects that.

That does, however, extend the mutual bullshit period.

But also: 

Sora: oH MY GOD HE'S GAY HE'S GAY HE'S GAY I'M-

Tobi: 'E's. 'E's Bi. Deep breaths deep breaths deep breaths just don' panic and ask 'im out that's a bad plan-

Tobi that's actually how you deal with romantic feelings like a functional human being but sure, go off. 

Tobi comes out to Nao and Mokichi with Sora's support shortly after that, and their reactions are, respectively: "NICE!" "Cool." and then Nao tackles Tobi in a hug that is the start of a big grouphug. 

There's lots of hugging and crying (the latter is Nao and Sora and a little bit of Mokichi), and Tobi will vehemently deny that he cried at all, but a few tears got out.

(Lbr Tobi's gay pining for Sora was Not Subtle, so they already knew, but they don't tell him that for a while. When they do tell him, he's gotten to the point where he just stares at them blankly for a moment and then groans rather than flipping out. Mokichi chuckles quietly and Nao just outright laughs at him.)

But anyway, both of these Absolute Idiots are still crushing on each other, and everyone is suffering.

Actually, scratch "crushing,” it's moved into full-blown pining now.

Sora eventually also accepts that, alright, he has a big crush on Tobi. Tobi, their ace. Tobi, one of his best friends. Tobi, one of the best wings in all of Japan. Tobi, who is ridiculously attractive. Tobi, who looks like an actual bush when he doesn't tie his hair back somehow, because his hair is insanely (and adorably) frizzy and voluminous. Tobi, who will whoop at the top of his lungs and grin like a maniac because he just pulled off a fantastic drive and double-clutch, even though he's exhausted and soaked in sweat and they're four minutes into overtime. Tobi, who makes the cutest face with the sweetest smile Sora has ever seen when he talks to his sister. (Tobi, who is a boy, and Sora has stopped caring.)

Sora even stops denying that he likes Tobi after a little bit, and Momoharu is just in the background going, "good job, it only took you two entire years to figure that out."

Sora: LEAVE. ME. ALONE.

Momoharu: Okay but have you considered: No. Absolutely not. 

Anyway Tobi mostly complains/gay rants to Nao and sometimes Mokichi, and at this point, even Juri is slightly sick of her brother talking about "our amazin' point guard." Yer not subtle, Anchan????

Except it eventually moves from "wow he's amazin' but NO I do not 'ave a crush on 'im" to "oh my God I am SO gay," and then later it moves to a more resigned gay panic. ("Nnnnnnghhhhh I nearly fuckin' kissed 'im after practice today what do I do-")

Nao is trying to bully both of them into confessing, but neither will take the first step, not because of pride, but because they're scared. (Nao is. So. Done. Even if she sympathizes, it has been two years of this bullcrap please-)

Tobi, especially, is afraid of losing everything again after his nasty stepdad booted him out.

Sora is like "that is one of my closest friends, and given this team's stability record I am Not Poking That Mess With A Long Stick."

Momoharu, who is the one he says this to, is just kinda like, "Yeah I can't really argue with that, as much I want you to confess."

Nao, later, having been subjected to a similar rant, after he said "closest friend" instead of "a dude": HE'S GROWING UP KANAME-KUN I'M TEARING UP-

Mokichi is far too tired of everything to interfere, which is fair.

Juri badgers Tobi for a solid four weeks before he admits what's really going on, and then it kind of all comes spilling out, and she encourages him to confess to Sora, but he's still reluctant.

Nao also bluntly says, "Kenji-kun's family abandoned him, Sora-kun, and it may be because he's the words ‘problem child' given physical form, but it may be because he's queer. If you want to work this out, I think you'll need to take the first step." 

(Tobi told the team about his past late first year/early second year. Crying happened and everyone basically group-tackle-hugged Tobi, and he finally got the hugs he very much needed and definitely deserved.)

And Sora angsts over that for a while until Chiaki very simply says, "Do you want things between the two of you to change?" And Sora realizes that yes, he does, he doesn't want things to stay the same, he wants to hold Tobi's hand and go on dates and call each other at weird hours for the sake of it and hold each other until they fall asleep and kiss him and -- well, you get the idea.

So he works up the courage, and it's one night some months before the national tournament when Sora asks Tobi to stay behind with him for extra practice. Sora is really nervous, and Tobi is like "??? Sure? Are ya okay?"

Sora, voice cracking: yEaH I'M FINE

Anyway, Sora misses like a solid sixty percent of his shots that practice and Tobi is. So confused.

Tobi to Mokichi: Did. Did somethin' happen.

Mokichi just shrugs, which does not make Tobi feel better.

So Tobi stays behind all the others to talk with Sora, and they're both really nervous. Obviously, Sora is about to confess, and Tobi is just so confused, and also some small part of him is going, "oh God did he figure out I like 'im????"

Nao and Mokichi kicked all the first and second years out after just an hour of individual practice, and Sora is grateful but also, "guys please don't make me confront my problems."

Nao: "Sora-kun if we waited for you to deal with this we'd be here 'till sunrise."

Mokichi, tiredly: "No, we'd be here until we turned old and gray."

Sora asks Tobi to sit with him while blushing, and Tobi complies, still very puzzled.

They make small talk for a minute, and then Sora abruptly says, "Kenji-kun... I... I think I have a crush on you".

Tobi gapes at him like a fish, opening and closing his mouth for a solid minute, and eventually, Sora.exe unfreezes and goes, "Sorry, I-" and Tobi just goes, "Fer real? Ya aren't prankin' me again?" in a surprisingly quiet voice.

And Sora is mildly offended but knows that's a fair assumption given their track record of prank wars, and he also almost wants to use the excuse Tobi has handily provided, but he just stands and goes "I'm sorry, I should leave-"

And Tobi leaps to his feet, grabs his hand, and says flat out, "Sora, I've 'ad a crush on ya since first year."

And Sora just kinda… short circuits. "Wait, really?"

Tobi just kinda rubs the back of his neck (shyly? Tobi gets shy?) and goes, "Yeah, I... I kinda only admitted it in tha middle a' second year, though."

And Sora says slowly, "You... you like me. You like me!" He laughs, relieved. "Holy shit, I was so scared you were going to reject me and it was going to ruin everything--"

And Tobi is just going oh my God, he's adorable, I can't deal with him, and takes Sora's chin in one hand and asks quietly, "Sora, can I kiss ya?" Sora's eyes, predictably, go wide, and he nods. (And please take a moment to recall and appreciate the fact that Tobi is canonically an entire foot taller than Sora. Sora is 149 cm (4'10.7) and Tobi is 178 (5'10.1). This is fantastic because I will bet actual money that this height difference has not shrunk; if anything, it has grown.)

They kiss just as the entire team bursts into the gym. Turns out, they were watching the whole thing, and honestly, none of them look that ashamed; they put up with the pair's bullshit for this long, they're invested now, and they deserved to know what happened.

"ALRIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS, THIS IS REVENGE FOR TWO AND A HALF YEARS OF USELESS GAY PINING," Nao yells. "KANAME-KUN, EVERYONE -- GRAB THEM!"

And the team lifts the yelling and protesting couple above their heads as Sora loudly objects and Tobi swears at them. The first years learn some creative new insults. The second and third years, on the other hand, are very accustomed to Tobi by this point, and aren't remotely surprised, but -- oh, haven't heard that one before, actually, says a second year. The others mutter assent. 

We have, Mokichi grouches. We third years have heard them all. 

Sora is small and easily hauled around, and Tobi is also pretty helpless when being held up above the heads of Mokichi and their first-year center. So they can’t really like... do anything about being dragged around.

Nao leads the team forward like an army, and they march to the pool to drop the two of them in, and when they resurface, fully clothed and soaked to the bone, Sora is laughing hysterically. (Assume Sora learned to swim at some point.)

Tobi is groaning, but he's grinning, and he swims over to the side of the pool -- and grabs Nao and Mokichi's ankles and drags them in, both of them yelling.

And Sora thinks, with Nao yelling in irritation but a sparkle in her eyes and a grin she's failing to fight off, with Mokichi laughing quietly as he flings his wet bangs out of his eyes, with Tobi laughing hysterically, his hair slicked back by water, with the four of them wearing all of their clothes and soaked to the bone, their entire team yanking off their shirts to jump into the pool with them and the moon and stars shining overhead, that he's never been happier.

And Tobi turns to him and grins, and Sora can't keep himself from jumping at Tobi -- who catches him, startled -- and kissing him again.  

And, like, hey, Tobi isn't about to complain.

They take about two months to settle into things, and then it's just like... I'm sorry, who thought letting Kurumatani "Embodiment of Chaos" and Natsume "Biggest Problem Child Ever" Kenji date was a good idea?????

It's a bit awkward for a while because they're still feeling things out and figuring out what they're both comfortable with, but then they finally click, and it's... pure fucking chaos.  

Sora will not stop stealing Tobi's clothes and Tobi is not happy about it, mostly because -- Sora, if ya keep stealin' my clothes while I am in the changin' room, then I do not 'ave clothes to wear ya stupid chibi--

Tobi has stormed into the gym shirtless at least twice yelling, "SORA! GIVE BACK MY FUCKIN' SHIRT!"

Listen. Listen we have a total of three scenes of Tobi being shirtless, and two of them were in front of plenty of people. Tobi is many things, but body shy is not one of them. He wouldn't care. 

(Post-Kitasumi loss, post-Shinjo loss, and that one scene of him dribbling in a park or something at night with an audience. The night before they played Taiei.)

Tobi: Are ya ever jus' tryin' to figure out where all yer clothes have gotten ta and then ya turn ‘round and see 'em all on yer dumbass tiny boyfriend?

Sora, clearly utterly unapologetic, wearing Tobi's sweatshirt: Oops. 

Chiaki, probably: SOME OF US ARE SINGLE STOP RUBBING IT IN.

As mentioned before, Sora is canonically 149 cm (~4'10.7), and Tobi is 178 cm (~5'10.1). There's a 29-centimeter difference, almost an entire foot, and frankly, that difference has grown a few centimeters, and you bet Tobi is going to abuse the shit out of this.

He literally holds things Sora wants over Sora's head all the time and Sora hates it. Like yes, Tobi did this before they dated too, but now Tobi is doing it more just to be annoying. It's also the only way Tobi can keep his clothes out of Sora's hands whenever they aren't on Tobi's person. (It's kind of hard to steal a shirt when someone is wearing it.) 

"THIS IS ABUSE!"

"Me holdin' m' own jacket above m' head so that ya can't steal it from me isn't abuse, it’s self-preservation! It’s like -20 degrees out there, Sora, use yer own jacket!"

I personally headcanon Tobi shooting up like a weed, but whether he did or not, he's probably between 180 and 190 now (5'11 and 6'3). Meanwhile, Sora is like maybe 155-60. It is possible that Sora also shoots up, but I feel like he would hit 165 at most. That would have him growing 16 cm, which is 8 inches, so. That's a lot of inches to grow in two and a half years. 

The things Tobi holds above his head are mostly his own clothes and also food items, plus the occasional basketball.

He also sometimes will nab Sora's clothes and hold them up in the air just to get back at him. Sora will be leaping up in the air, trying to reach his clothes, while Tobi stands there with a shit-eating grin holding Sora's shirt over his head. It looks so stupid. Nao and Mokichi both have multiple videos of it. (Nao has like five.) (What? She suffered, alright? Let her have this blackmail, at least.)

Sora: :( My boyfriend is too tall for me to kiss him on the lips, what should I do?

Momoharu: Punch him in the stomach. Then, when he doubles over in pain, kiss him.

Nao: Tackle him.

Chiaki: Dump him.

Mokichi: Kick him in the shin.

Tobi: NO TO ALL A' THOSE, JUST ASK ME TA LEAN DOWN!

Nao and Mokichi and Momoharu and Chiaki and Madoka and literally all of their friends are still giving them a hard time for being useless gays and taking two and half years to deal with their feelings even five years later. They're never going to live it down.

As adults, juggling careers and their growing relationship is hard.

They both go to universities in Tokyo, thankfully, and don't have to do long distance, and get an apartment together in their third year.

Tobi probably joins the B.League, and maybe Sora does too. (I dunno, I'm not committing to anything with career HCs.)

If they do, they have to keep their relationship secret; it would be a huge deal to be gay athletes in Japan (or... anywhere.) Most of their teammates know, though. Like... Sora regularly shows up to practice in Tobi's sweatshirts.

The sexual tension whenever they play each other is intense, though.

(My pet headcanon for Tobi is actually him going to university in America and joining the NBA. While I want to do that with Sora too, the mangaka apparently turned down two anime deals because they ended with Sora in the NBA. I haven't fact-checked that, though.)

They're around 25 when the world as a whole finds out. It either comes out because one of them is like, "hey babe do ya wanna just come out? We have enough money to retire if this goes south," "Oh sure," or because they mess up so drastically that people figure it out. After all, it would take a lot to break past the "they're such good friends!" mentality of sports reporters. Like seriously. These two are not subtle. They can let heteronormativity do most of the work for them, in all honesty. 

Anyway, it comes out, and the media goes into an uproar, and they retreat to visit Sora's dad in Nagano without telling anyone except their coaches and closest friends where they've holed up and just let the world burn while they enjoy tea and the view of the mountains and avoid social media like the plague. 

Assuming it was planned:

Tobi, the day before coming out, on his official twitter: I'll be doing a no-electronics retreat with my partner for two weeks, so I won't be on social media. Enjoy your week!

Or possibly the way he came out, besides their official announcement on Sora's account, was just "I'll be doing a no-electronics retreat with my boyfriend, @KurumataniOfficial, for the next two weeks. Bye y'all, have a good two weeks! :)" because that has Tobi's chaotic energy.

Edit: Actually? I take that back. SORA would do that. That has SORA'S chaotic energy.

When people get homophobic, all of their friends -- high school, college, adult life -- are immediately down to throw hands. 

The Japanese highschool circle of people who went professional is small and pretty close-knit, and the NBA and B.League sides are quite close to each other as well. Shiraishi and Fuwa, who are both in the NBA, both riot when people attack their old acquaintances from high school. I personally headcanon Fuwa as a raging chaotic bi, because -- hair. Yozan, for that matter, is also pretty pissed off. 

Fuwa probably gets on twitter and goes, "What's this bullshit about them being gay???? Of course they're gay. Have you ever seen them interact for more than two seconds??? Are you blind??? Wait, nope. Sorry. Don't want to insult blind people. ARE YOU ACTUALLY THAT DUMB????"

Momoharu tweets," 'Wow, imagine being so insecure in your masculinity that you can't share a changing room with a gay man' --My twin Chiaki, and Sora and Tobi's HS teammate, upon them coming out in HS" and first Sora's teammates start retweeting it and then Tobi's and then every single one of both their teams’ members retweets it. It's fantastic. 

Then Shiraishi (who, again, is in the NBA) retweets it, and it goes completely viral. Chiaki is so happy but also really pissed that it's Momoharu's account. 

Momoharu ribs him about it for a solid three weeks just to be obnoxious. 

There's actually no one on either of their teams that didn't already know about the relationship. Again, they're not subtle together. If there was any drama, it was presumably resolved by getting rid of the homophobe. 

Anyway, so while shit hits the fan, Sora and Tobi just shelter in place and their friends all react by going to war, which both of them are a bit taken aback by, but like, they aren't complaining about it. They're both touched actually.  

For marriage, honestly, neither one of them proposes in any fancy manner; they probably decided to get married because the topic comes up due to taxes. Sora goes, "Hey, do you think we should get married? The taxes would be cheaper," without really thinking about it, and Tobi goes, "Honestly, if it means everyone will stop badgerin' us about 'tyin' the knot' or whatever, I vote we elope," and that's that. Some two hours later while making dinner, Sora goes, "HOLY SHIT WAIT ARE WE ENGAGED?" and Tobi, who was reading, stares at him for three seconds, processes that, and slowly goes, "...I guess? Yeah, I guess we are. Wow. We did that." 

Sora slams his head on the table and Tobi just very tiredly says, "babe, no, ya need those brain cells." 

Assume gay marriage is by this point legal and accepted.

When asked how they got engaged, everyone is just like, "THAT'S SO ANTICLIMACTIC?????" This is also the media's reaction.

Interviewer: Why did you and Natsume-san decide to get married?

Sora, shrugging: Taxes are easier with your partner when you're married.

But they went to get rings together on their tenth anniversary shortly after deciding to get married, and if that isn't sappy as hell, I don't know what is. 

They probably don't wait long for the wedding and don't bother making it a huge thing; they invite all their friends, hire some folks to keep the media out no matter what, and hire a few people to film it and figure they can share that footage later. ("I am not havin' the media at my weddin' that is a private event for friends and family -" "Love, I am not arguing with you, I don't want them there either???")

Nao will be best woman for one of them at the wedding, and you bet she will give them so much shit for being disasters back in high school in her speech.

Juri, who by that point is like 20 something, because the disaster gays don't get married till they're at least 28 to 30, is either Tobi's best woman or playing some significant role in the wedding. She also roasts her brother and brother-in-law. 

Tobi and Juri are definitely half-siblings, just in terms of time. He looked five or six when his biodad died, and she seems about the same age, meaning there's a ten-year gap. 

Also, it's implied in the manga, so. 

The newly-weds are just sitting there groaning as their friends/family members roast them, but they're both grinning. 

The vows are probably really, really sappy, and Tobi can claim it's Sora's fault as much as he wants, but he's honestly also kind of a sap too and all his friends know it.

Tobi's stepdad is not invited. In fact, Tobi goes out of his way to send an edited version of the invitation to him that basically says, "Wedding! You're not invited!" while Sora and Juri die of laughter in the background. His mother does come, though -- she eventually moved out following the "her younger sister stormed in boiling with righteous fury on behalf of her son" incident. While the couple never got a divorce, they haven't spoken in years. 

The invitees are actually mostly friends, not family. While Sora's dad, grandma, and extended family come, Tobi's only present family are his sister, his aunt, his mother, and his biodad's brother (and the brother's wife and kids.) But they have hundreds of friends there; Nao, Mokichi, Momoharu, Chiaki, Madoka, Yasu, Chukie, Nabe, their kouhai from their second and third years, Satsuki with his wife and two kids, Shiraishi, Fuwa, Yozan, Mineta, Yakku, Nino, Tarou, both of their professional teams and all the team staff, the national team that they played with, Sakamaki, Yuka and Tomohisa’s friends, Madoka's older sister, their college teammates and classmates -- the list literally just doesn't stop. For like. Days. That guest list was the hardest part of the wedding, actually.

The symbol they use on the invitations is a dragon. Momoharu and Nao both cry when they see the nod to the Kuzuryu team. (Chiaki does not cry, he claims. Momoharu calls bullshit, and Momoharu is, for once, completely right.) 

The cake has wing patterns curving up the sides; one kite wing with a healed injury, and a duck wing in front of the silhouette of an eagle wing. ("I'm sappy, Ken, sue me." "Actually, I think that's adorable, so go ahead.") 

The healed injury was Tobi's idea, though. Sora was confused, but Tobi explained that Sora and Kuzuryu brought him back to basketball as a team sport, and healed him from the pain of being pushed away from his family. Sora cries.

The shadow of the eagle wing was also Tobi's idea. He says "I agree that yer a duck because I love ya to pieces but yer still short as shit-" "Oi." "-but I also think ya learned how to fly in yer own right. Swimmin' and duckin' be damned. Ya fly on the court, Sora." 

Sora does not cry again. He does not. ("Sure ya didn't." "SHUT UP KEN-") (He definitely teared up a little, because Tobi is looking at him with a soft smile and the most affectionate look in his eyes, and holy shit, I love him, and I'm going to marry him????

They go to Nagano and Hiroshima to visit their parents' graves after the wedding. Both of them are sappy about it. "I wish you could have met him" speeches, basically, while the other stands out of earshot.

They then proceed to screw off to Hawaii on a honeymoon for two weeks, since it's the offseason. 

Either they combine their names, or Tobi takes Sora's last name.

I feel like Tobi would, just to spite his stepdad. I'm pretty sure Natsume is his stepdad's last name, since Tobi is seen wearing a helmet that is probably his dad's in a flashback, and it has a different name on it. Might've been a company name, though. Idk.

Sora is maybe crying when they change the nameplate on their Tokyo apartment to read "Kurumatani-Natsume Sora and Kurumatani-Natsume Kenji" because "holy shit that's my fucking husband!!!!!"

And Tobi just laughs and wraps his arms around him and drags him down onto the couch to hold him, and Sora thinks that life is good. Very good. 

And if Nao and Mokichi and Momoharu and Chiaki and Madoka and Juri and crew all crash their place five seconds later, well, Sora thinks, that just makes it better. 

wow! if you made it through this entire thing i am grateful to you for reading! and lowkey impressed because this is almost 5000 words. see my Ahiru No Sora Headcanons tag for more! there is also a Sora/Nao relationship headcanons post.

[sarriane]

it's interesting to see so much meta about 'the timeless children,' still, and considering all of the reviews, kneejerk reactions, criticism, love, hate, anger... it just makes me come back to the idea of how it's an attempt to restructure and recenter the show. whether it's a bad or good attempt is one fandom is never going to agree on (fandom never agrees on anything). but every little piece i see about it, every reaction kind of brings to light how it both suceeded and failed.

there's so much in the racial + gender dynamics to pull apart, places where they failed, places where they did well. i think it's the problem with a show that is still so white and so dominated by men, that while they're making an effort towards diversity, there's so many fatal missteps. things in the script that seemed innoculous in another circumstance are entirely changed when you add in identity factors.

(why would you cast a south asian actor and then put him in a nazi uniform? while it's great they cast an actor of color in a classic role, one who was clearly the perfect choice, it's also an unfortunate consequence that we now see the familiar racist image of a man of color "menacing" a white woman. thanks.)

it's not a problem limited to dr who, either -- i remember when kelly sue deconnick finished her run on her first volume of captain marvel, the villain was a genius scientist, and a woman of color. one fan commented (paraphrased): 'hey, i finally saw myself in your comic book - and i was the bad guy.' i remember KSD said something like "i thought all representation was good representation?" and she noted it, and i did too. again and again, we see this: creators in positions of privilege trying to provide representation, but falling short because of the racism, and misogyny, and bigotry they haven't unlearned.

and it's not easy. i certainly don't know how to write a story about a villain of color and a white woman and avoid any pitfalls -- perhaps the solution is to leave those stories to people who are actually from those racial backgrounds, or have those identities. but how to do that when the people in power making casting + writing decisions are white men? obviously, dr who needs more people of color working in it. it needs more women's voices, more queer voices. but even that's not a solution. RTD and JNT definitely didn't have eras free of homophibia and transphobia.

(we get this shit with queer-coding, too, which is why i've never advocated for doctor/master to become canon. i will happily read a million fics exploring the relationship, but i don't want to see the master portrayed as a predatory gay, thanks. and i don't want to see the doctor portrayed as a man caught in an abusive relationship, eventually ending with him literally keeping his romantic interest locked up and isolated while he tries to reform/brainwash her. i'm not into warden/prisoner porn, thx.)

i'm still working on my ideas about how/why doctor who has been irrevocably changed by 'the timeless children,' because the reviews aren't all bad. there are very much people who feel seen. in my opinion, it's very very difficult to take a show that's centered around england and turn it into a post-colonial narrative. dr who has hosted a variety of political opinions over the years, and so has the doctor (don't fucking @ me about kill the moon). in 2020, it's hard to continue to write the story of the doctor as a voice for the repressed when he's an old white man from a planet of "lords," that are a bunch of other old white men. at some point, it's another goddamn white savior narrative with a mansplainer at the center. (note that whittaker's casting does not solve this, but at least it's a start, i suppose? ugh, give us more jo martin!!)

so, the doctor is a woman now, and she has a history where she has been victimized, but she's overcome that. the knowledge of that does not victimize or martyr her, it allows the doctor to recenter herself in the narrative as a voice for the oppressed because she's been there.

i wish i could say that the show treated the jo martin incarnation with the respect she deserved, but even then, she's once again the Wise Old Black Woman trope. she goes from her character in 'fugitive of the judoon,' a doctor in her own adventure who refuses to let another co-opt her story, to a literal support character, the good angel on the doctor's shoulder reminding her who she is. and while it's nice to see a black woman doctor affirm who the doctor is -- she's affirming it to a white doctor. she's a prop. it's such a devastating waste of the character.

'the timeless children' reminds me a lot of captain marvel, and i think some of its failures are in that thirteen is not a Big Damn Hero. it's difficult to suddenly turn the privileged renegade into the timeless child, but also push the classic idea of: "should we trust the doctor?" because we shouldn't! she isn't a superhero. she isn't carol danvers, she has never had a history of fighting for everything she has - everything was handed to the doctor, including when he took the TARDIS and ran away. there's a note in an essay someone wrote in the 70's about 'the deadly assassin,' that showing us gallifrey takes the "who" out of "doctor who." for as much as the 'timeless children' tried to reclaim that, some of the questions it leaves us about the doctor are not pretty. especially when she lets an old, kind man die in her place (and grandpa joe from derry girls, for shame).

(on a wider note, in 50 yrs, will media criticism talk about the period of third/arguably fourth wave feminism in scifi? where white blonde women were treated like science experiments so empires could be built on their backs? but they refused victimhood and became heroines, standing up for those who canmt protect theirselves? which is great, except for the "white, blonde" element and the fact that this narrative, if it becomes a trend, is literally coopting parts of african american history.)

i hate that i have to settle for what we have, because i think media can always be better, and we deserve better, and they should try better. i've seen it said before that doctor who can't break down barriers, since it's a kids' show that airs before 8pm and has to be centrist enough to appeal to a wide audience. i think that sentiment is a little naive of what science fiction actually is and does. whatever the case, it seems clear to me that the next season of doctor who needs to involve more people of color in the cast + crew, and more women, and more queer folks. and it makes me aware of something much more in my control - that i've seen very few responses to the episode from fans of color. and i'm really not sure how to find these voices and amplify them, other than to follow and reblog, and listen.

i hope one day to reform these thoughts into something resembling proper media criticism, but i think it will take time, and revisiting old and new who, and probably seeing how the next special treats the reveals from 'the timeless children.' i've got so many thoughts about s12 and gender and race and the writing's almost "colorblind" approach to it all, and i never expected this to get longer than a paragraph long rant. there's just too much to talk about.

[breeeliss]

miss-labelled replied to your post “quick queer rant”

Oppression Olympics aside, wasn't the community made SOLELY for sga and trans folks? Like, the A was always for ally as a way of letting in closeted lgbt folks, and the community was built for homophobia and transphobia, no? Times they can change, but isn't it important to keep resources for gay bi and trans people safe for those people to use only?

alright, let me shut this down piece by piece. starting with this bullshit about A “always standing for ally.”

that is completely false. you’re not speaking truth. what you’re doing is taking a side on a debate that has been plaguing our community for a while now about whether the A stands for “ally” or “asexual/aromantic,” and you best believe that this “debate” is really a smokescreen for an even more worrying issue which is that we’re repeating history and starting to gatekeep our community yet again, this time with the ace/aro community. 

including allies within the queer community is fucking bullshit, the primary reason being that allies do not experience any type of oppression. allies are, by definition, allies because they have privilege over those they are performing allyship towards. and for that matter, allyship isn’t an identity. it is an action. insisting upon making allyship an identity reinforces the idea that allyship is something you are and not something you do (which is why you have so many self proclaimed allies who don’t fucking do shit for us but that’s another issue). 

allies also shouldn’t center themselves. allyship isn’t about giving yourself a letter in our acronym it’s about being the feet and not the voice of a movement and using your privilege to elevate oppressed voices and experiences. again, by definition, you are meant to be taking the backseat to all of these conversations. not placing yourself front and center. 

the biggest reason this whole “A stands for ‘ally’” shit started is because people 1) believe that asexual/aromantic people aren’t queer (and i swear to fucking god, if someone clocks me for using the “””””q slur”””””” i’m gonna scream) and 2) that asexual/aromantic people are “stealing resources” from everyone else. 

i don’t know if you know this but the LGBT community didn’t always used to be the LGBT community. it was not SOLELY for sga and trans folk. for a while, gay and lesbian folks weren’t sure if trans people should be included because they thought their community should only include sexual orientations and not gender orientations. before that, there was debate over including bi people. before that, gay men weren’t sure if they wanted to be lumped in with lesbian women. seeing a pattern? me too. it’s almost like our acronym is always expanding. funny how that works...

asexual and aromantic individuals (and anyone who is on that ace/aro/grey/demi spectrum) is queer. done and done. they march in Pride parades all over the country with us. organizations like Stonewall Youth and GLSEN not only celebrate asexuality but emphasize the need to give asexual individuals resources and support. being afraid that these asexual/aromantic folks are going to be stealing resources from you is honestly just complete bullshit. ace/aro folks are not nefariously sneaking into Stonewall Youth and taking housing accommodations away from people who really need it. this always reminds me of those straight people who worry about sexual assault when it comes to creating gender neutral bathrooms for TGNC folks: you’re trying to apply ridiculous and outlandish logic to justify your intolerance, and i see right through it. 

so in closing: i’m debunking your entire reply as nonsense. A stands for asexual/aromantic/agender and encompasses everyone on the grey/demi spectrum as well. ace/aro/demi/grey folks are queer. they belong in our community. i don’t want to hear any different. for anyone who disagrees, the unfollow button can be located on the upper right hand corner of your screen. 

[jobethdalloway]

CLEXACON RECAP omfg

bc this needs to go somewhere & @mnhooch was kind enough to ask. tried to bold some highlights bc this is basically a long-ass diary entry ramble haha

-the first thing I went to was a panel called “Gaysian: Queer Asian Representation in the Media” with 4 incredibly rad/funny/super smart folks. Really enlightening convo on finding bits and pieces of characters who don’t look like/sound like you to relate to. A highlight: the first question was asking them if there are any queer Asian characters in the media they related to growing up and the last one said “Well, of course, Mulan” and there was like this loud “MMMMMM yeahhhh” that like rippled through the audience. Pressed to clarify which Mulan: “THE CARTOON one, come on”

-the moderator for the LGBTQ Actress panel was hilarious and the women on it were all wonderful so it was great to get to hear from them/learn about them but for me it was ALL ABOUT STEPHANIE BEATRIZ OMMMMMMGGG. Seeing how bubbly she is irl is a good reminder of how solid her performance is as Rosa like dang. Highlight: Stephanie tearing up talking about how much it meant to her to read the dialogue “I’m bisexual,” laid clearly and deliberately, in the script where Rosa come out 

-SO MANY STUNNING BUTCHES EVERYWHERE??? omg. also it was just really cool to be in a space with so many women and nb folks. Pretty much every other gay-anything I’ve tried to go to has been 98% cis gay guys so this was like huge in a way I wasn’t anticipating

-OLDER WOMEN WHO’VE BEEN WAITING DECADES FOR GOOD REPRESENTATION, and they were there, and they love the shows we love and it warmed my heart. Also people came from around the globe for this and that was so cool

-AMAZING COSPLAYERS!!! Faves: 2 people dressed as Valkyries, Xena & Gabrielle, and too many gorgeous Alex Danvers(...es) to count

-saw a group of short documentaries, some of which were like ok but there were 2 great ones - butch coyolxauhqui (x) (about a butch learning to love her body with the help of her mother & an Aztec goddess) and a place in the middle (x) (about a Hawaiian child reclaiming traditional notions about gender from an awesome teacher)

-an awesome panel on butch representation in the media! Wish more people could’ve made it to that one. Such an important reminder that there is soooo far to go. Good introspection about internalized lesbophobia (”cured” tomboys in kid movies; butches being the lesbian equivalent of effeminate men where the stereotype is what our internalized phobia wants to get away from instead of embracing as we should)/the fact that it’s a stereotype but still like never seen?? and if it is seen, is usually negative. sigh.

-a panel on sapphic fanfic! Which was actually really inspiring and makes me want to get back into writing. Because I love it. I love writing, you guys.

DAY 2? ALREADY OMG

-started off the day in the way, way back of the auditorium for the Wayhaught panel which was so much fun! Kat & Dom are too adorable for words. Highlight: Kat’s response when asked about her thoughts on things like fanart/fanfic. idk, it was really heartwearming/inspiring. Something along the lines of, “this character may look like me but it’s the spirit of Nicole that matters, and the spirit belongs to all of us, not just me” ergo she sees fanart and sees Nicole, not herself. No single person/entity owns the character. idk that was just a really awesome thing to hear an actor say 

-short comedies!! Sadly I had to duck out of this one early, but I loved 2 of the ones I saw here - a USC thesis (trailer) and a hilarious/touching one by a Philippine filmmaker called “salamagan” that unfortunately I can’t find online anywhere

-CHYLER LEIGH. CHYLER LEIGH, HOLY SHIT. This was like. The most moving Q&A I think I’ve ever been able to experience. As I was sitting there, it really registered with me how shitty it felt to have to put up with actresses (not just a certain 2) for years who were ashamed - vocally and specifically - of fans like us. Not for being over-zealous, but being queer and having queer feelings and seeking validation. How shitty it felt to have those actresses make fun of us on talk shows; make us feel gross/stupid/deluded/embarrassing for feeling the way we did & thus perpetuating internalized fears and shame in abundance. I know there are plenty of actresses who are truly great allies and who care about their LGBTQ fans, but Chyler like ... is so engaged?? She was so emotional and you can see that she gets it, she does not take her responsibility lightly and she is wonderful. I was also reminded of the distinction between seeing ourselves/hearing ourselves in media. bc i’m white, I do get to see queer characters who look like me more and more on TV/the movies (certainly more than I was a kid), but Alex is the first(/only?) one who I’ve really heard myself in and that feels significant Highlight: I got to ask her a question! And I was the last one they had time for so phew. Here’s a link to the whole panel, set to start at my question *^^ (but I definitely recommend watching the whole thing the next time you have an hour to spare) (I MADE HER LAUGH. Kinda hard to make out what I said at the beginning, which is, “oh wow, lesbians are short” bc I’m almost 6′ tall and the mic stand was very very low) (I WAS TREMBLING THE WHOLE TIME Y’ALL) 

-highlight: a DELIGHTFUL/wonderful feature called “Signature Move” (trailer). You want a good lesbian movie? HERE’S A GOOD LESBIAN MOVIE!!! Nobody dies, no lesbians have to date men, one of the leads is a butch Pakistani-American and the other is Mexican-American and we see their complicated/beautiful relationships with their mothers and it’s FUNNY AS HELL and the leads are HANDSOME AND BEAUTIFUL AS HELL and it needs all the viewers

-highlight: I got to meet @thefootlightclub and @missmaclay after years of being tumblr buddies!! They are both delightful/amazing people and it was so fun to like, fangirl irl with people. And since I went to this con alone, it was really cool to get to talk to other people about it, haha. They introduced me to some awesome peeps including the lovely @amyroot! Thanks y’all for being so friendly and welcoming me in. Also @thefootlightclub and I talked about how June Allyson should totally have a massive lesbian following bc Jo March and that voice, amirite #imright

DAY 3 OH NO THE WEEKEND IS ENDING

-really sad short films today!! Most of them not great, but there was one that wove in Mrs Dalloway and that was pretty cool/I was stunned to see that the cinematographer was a childhood friend of mine! Who is Mormon! And apparently worked on a film about lesbians! He’s a cool guy and that was a fun surprise. One of the films was pretty powerful and gave me AYLT feels (if my epilogue had been depressing AF) (trailer)

-there was a panel called “empowerment through fandom,” which was nice but pretty much wound up being for Earpers. Validating to know one of the panelists was a reporter and it’s like aha okay this stuff is for people in all walks of life/professions/ages. Validating all around. 

-I wandered around the vendor booths and picked up a couple of pins/postcards. So many talented people! Probably just as well that I didn’t look too hard at this stuff until the last day bc stuff was sold out and I probably would’ve spent $$ I didn’t have on some of these rad shirts/posters haha

-went to a panel on Queer Films, which I kind of thought would be more of like a presentation/discussion on the history of films but it was more about how to get them made/how hard it is to do that. The panelists and moderator were great, though, and had some great insights. Specifically, the producer of “Elena Undone” (which I admit I could not finish but deeply wanted to like) talked about how you have to do the best with what you have bc sometimes you just can’t raise the money you want/need to get the film you’d really like bc people don’t like to finance lesbian films and that was kind of humbling to keep in mind

-rounded it all out by watching DEBS, obviously one of the greatest films of all time. Highlight: there were a lot of older women at the con, which was really wonderful to see, and 2 of them were sitting behind me. One said to the other, “I wasn’t sure I was going to come to this but these kids downstairs said ‘oh you totally have to go.’ Well, one said, ‘you “totes” have to,’ which I took to mean ‘totally.’” It was great to hear them laughing behind me the whole time! WHAT AN ICONIC MOVIE. 

-I got to eat at Cafe Rio which is always ALWAYS A PLUS

Anyway, wow, what a fantastic weekend. I feel so, so lucky that I was able to go and meet so many amazing people and hear so many amazing people and be surrounded by the love. I never ever thought I’d go to a con - not for any condescending reason, just bc I never thought there was enough I’d ever be interested in to make it worth attending. But this? Wow. Tailor-made for me - for so many of us. If I had a wish then it would be that we could all go to Clexacon next year!

/is it next year yet 

[fuck-customers]

hi guys! its been a while since my last submission. its 1/1/18 as of me submitting so i wanna wish a happy new year to my fellow retail workers! i hope those of you in wa state enjoy your new laws coming in to effect regarding accrued sick time and the wage going up again. (i think it does? correct me if im wrong) on a less happy note, though, a few days ago, i had my first Worst Customer experience. TW/CW below for homophobia, lesbophobia, transphobia, transmisogyny, and pedophilia. ff ive been scheduled down in lumber recently. this is fine, i like the routine of working down there. i get along well w the people i meet. mostly contractors and nicer older folks doing large scale and small scale home renovations. but every once in a while you get a total Dbag. mind you its been several months since ive felt uncomfortable with a male customer; most of the people in my area know better than to be gross. but... enter these two guys. older white men. kinda larger in structure (im not talking about weight i promise!) with graying hair and beards. both of them military customers. fsr military customers tend to be the crabbier ones, but i dont blame them honestly because a lot of them didnt have a choice in enlisting and i do believe they deserve credit and respect for what they went through. but these guys were just being dicks for the fun of it. im a small queer person. 20 years old, somewhere around 5'4"-5'5", slender, baby face, unintimidating. i have an unusual name and i tend to correct people when they call me a girl, because i know im small and have longer hair, usually just saying i prefer to be thought of as just a person. most people dont raise an eyebrow at this, they just kinda go quiet and leave it be. so these guys come in and hand me two reduced signs used for looking up cull packs they wanted to buy. for those who dont know, cull packs are basically sale estimates put together for damaged lumber. the damaged stuff gets pulled out of our racks when lumber associates are flatstacking and facing lumber, and the pro services cashiers band the lumber together, spray paint the ends so they cant be returned, mark them half price in our system, and print the estimates so the packs can be placed on our cull rack outside the lumber doors. i start off by politely informing them that because of how our system works, i can only sell them one of these estimates at a time, because you have to exit to order management and pull them up in order to sell them, and you cant pull up a second one once youre in the sales screen without clearing out the first one. they quickly though go to talking about me. i cant remember how it started, but after i thank one of them for their service and give them the discount, they start joking about how theyre confusing the cute girl or smth or how they like doing that to cute girls. my gut reaction was to politely correct them by saying "ahaha yeah i dont consider myself a girl though" and i remember repeating this at least one more time before giving up. the thing of it is though, one of them asks me "dont you remember me? we used to date in high school" as a joke and they both were making jokes about me liking older guys. i thought he was being serious at first but then i realized he was making an asshole of a joke. i stutter out that no, i actually have trauma surrounding that from bad past experiences, and i start to freak out because they basically just hit a huge trigger there and id never had to deal with being exposed to that at work before. i then mention in an attempt to get them to back off, that im living with my partner at home. i always, always, have used the word partner to describe my relationship in work settings because its vague and were both nonbinary and it raises less questions. my mistake though. they immediately go to asking me if im a lesbian, then saying theyre lesbians too, they like women. then one of them says "im a woman trapped in a mans body" and tries to rope a customer behind them into agreeing with them that he was a lesbian too and agreeing with the transphobic/transmisogynistic wording. at this point i completely shut down and ignore them, avoid eye contact, and finish selling their shitty discounted decking pieces to them without any more words than were absolutely necessary to the finishing of the transaction. and they were laughing about it too. laughing that they basically bullied a queer person into feeling so unsafe they completely shut down, as if it was some hilarious joke. i told my head cashier when she came down and she stressed to me that if they ever come back through my line, or if ANYONE ever does that to me again, that i call her immediately. she said shes willing to say things that may potentially get her fired. i wanted to cry hearing that from her, and im tearing up writing it rn too. i was shaky for about the next half hour and every time after that i talked about it or remembered it. so a huge, HUGE fuck customers. if you EVER think its okay to say this shit to anyone, particularly someone whose JOB it is to be courteous and helpful to you while they take your money, i hope you perish painfully in the fiery trenches of hell. never should anyone have to go through this homophobic, lesbophobic, transphobic, transmisogynistic, pedophilic garbage EVER. and if you see this shit happening, PLEASE speak up. defend them. call a manager. its scary to deal with alone, and you can get paralyzed in fear. lets leave these kinds of people to rot in 2018 and make them accountable for the things they say, please.