#get your ex love back in edmonton

[jiminy-crickets]

make a new post with the names of all the files in your wip folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! then, tag as many people as you have wips.

Aaaaughhhhh @nightshadehasblorbos omg tytyty I can’t wait to info dump about my beloved WIPs

I’m tagging @mercurymilkcap (ty bestie for letting me yap at you about my fics) and @v8mpvrse (again ty for letting me yap) and literally anyone else who wants to do this <3

Obsessed

Mattdrai with past mcdrai, takes place from 2018 to the november 20th Edmonton Florida Game of this last season, it’s a song fic based off of Obsessed by Olivia Rodrigo, and it is from Matthew’s POV as he spends YEARS feeling like a bad boyfriend for obsessing over Leon and Connor’s long since ended ‘friends with benefits’ esque situationship, but it’s mostly about just falling in love how how to be a good boyfriend when you are both closeted public figures who have to keep up appearances of being rivals, and surviving long distance and what it’s like when you haven’t even met each others parents because you can’t come out because your father is a blabermouth with a history of hating you for being gay, the mortifying ordeal of coming out to your teammates and having them think you are actually dating your boyfriends ex, and figuring out how many ways you can have phone sex to forget about the thousands of kilometres between you and the love of your life.

Winners room trope exploration

It’s what it says on the tin, this is a doc with a bunch of half finished ideas, and outlined one shots exploring the logistical side of winners room verse, I made up a fun new job position “player health coordinator” who on paper are essentially health advocates for players and make sure that the team doctor is acting in the players best interest not the teams, but do double duty as being the people who organize rooms, and make sure the rules and followed and enforced. Also they gossip with each other and have a group chat where they are like ‘XYZ is being a little bitch lately, do NOT let him in rooms with dudes who are doormats, it will NOT end well” and “please remind visitors to XYZ arena that the room has shut sound insulation, the things I have heard would make a sailor blush” but these fics are mostly just like explorations of the culture around rooms, what teams let the winners pick? What teams pull straws? What is it like when you are dating someone and you meet them in the rooms? What players do people never pick from unspoken rules? What’s it like as a rookie? Etc etc etc

Lake House: Kiss Me Over The Garden Gate

This is my baby!!!! Quinn/Brady “secret dating” (everyone knows) the title kiss me over the garden gate is a type of flower that Quinn grows in the garden Brady made for him at the lake house <3 it’s about being tender and domestic and in love with your boyfriend of almost a decade for the short amount of time you have together before you need to go back to other sides of the continent and separated by five timezones… it’s also about how a LOT of queer teens/young adults want families, kids, white picket fence etc etc, and how it can seem impossible to achieve and how being closeted public figures who lives across the country from your LONG TERM boyfriend is hell, and how some days it seems like you will never get the life you want with one annother…. But mostly this fic is about Brady and Quinn being gross and sappy and in love and Jack, Luke and Matthew third wheeling them and they can’t even say “ew you guys are gross and in love and we hate third wheeling yall” because they made a pact when they realized Brady and Quinn were dating that they would let them come out when they were ready… but they made that pact seven years ago and oh my GOD can they be ready to come yet???

I know what boys like

Sid being a dude magnet at clubs and being all coy and not actually letting them hit because he’s a TEASE (and a closet case) and also because it’s MUCH much more entertaining to make dudes think they are about to hook up with Sidney Crosby then go “this is was fun… bye” before hopping in the closest taxi and speeding away to go jack off in his hotel room. Anyways he tries this trick with Colby and Colby is having NONE of it he’s like “sid!! I know your tricks I am wise to them!!! You cannot do this to me, I won’t let you!!!” Sid does however succeed in making Colby think they are gonna hook up… and they do!!! And it’s very sweet <3 (song fic based off of I know what boys like by the waitresses)

Guess

I’m not 10000% sure on the pairing, but… the vibes are telling me it’s two leafs, this is yet another song fic based off of guess by Charli xcx, and it’s very much living upto the chorus “you wanna guess the colour of my underwear, you wanna know what I got going on down there, is it pretty in pink or all see through? Is it showing off my brand new lower back tattoo? You wanna put it in your mouth, pull it all down south, you wanna turn this shit out that’s what I’m talking about, you wanna try it bite it lick it spit it pull it to the side and get all up in it, wear em post em might remix it send it to the dare yeah I think he’s with it” and “guess how much money I just took from this deal, guess the password to my google drive, you wanna guess the adresse of the party I’m at, you wanna guess if I’m serious about this song” basically player A just told player B that he’s about to sign a new deal (player A and B are in a FWB situation) and player B is like ‘let’s go out let’s celebrate!!’ And so they do… and right before they get into the Uber to head out player A sends player B a photo of a messy ‘someone just rummaged through here” drawer of panties and poor poor player B spends the entire evening hard and wanting to KNOW what player A is wearing but he can’t ask because ya know closeted athletes in a major hockey market and people eavesdropping, anyways it ends with player B indeed trying, biting, licking, spitting, wearing, pulling to the side and getting all up in player A’s panties.

Girl at home (mcdrai edition)

Wow shock and surprise yet annother song fic, though this one is more playfull teasing based off of the title then actually based on the song (girl at home by taylor swift) its mcdrai (oh and it’s called “mcdrai edition” because years ago I started… and abandoned [sorry to the ao3 commenter who was exited to read the rest] a Sidon/Zelda/Link fic based off of the same song) with background Edmonton polycule, and it’s right after the WCF and Connor is making big puppy eyes at Leon to kiss him in the locker room and Leon is all ‘it’s gonna be so embarrassing to pay a PDA fine as the captain, smh Lauren is gonna be mad if she isn’t the first one to kiss you after that goal’ and Connor is like ‘oh please we both know her and Cel are up in the box three white claws deep dry humping each other infront of the other WAGs’ and Leon is like ‘hehe yeah <3 they areeee <3’ and then they do kiss because Leon is powerless against Connor’s puppy eyes.

Kevin/Connor nesting fluff

Everyone give @pwhl-mybeloved a big round of applause because these two WIPs would NOT be possible without Mary indulging my Connor brainrot and bouncing ideas about how weird and funny he is. Anywaysss THIS fic is gonna put the ‘non traditional’ part of the ‘non traditional A/B/O dynamics’ tag to work lmao, basically in this world being an alpha or an omega is a vestigial trait, and 90% of people will never know what/if they are one, and heats and ruts are most commonly brought on my stress and lifestyle changes… and Connor breaking his jaw and being hopped the fuck up on painkillers send him into heat. But again its not a traditional omegaverse heat, plus the fact that he’s on hella painkillers he just makes himself a nest in the shooting room at the practice facility (using whatever things and gear he found around the facility) and camps himself out sleeping, walking up and practicing as much as the trainers allow him, and drinking protein smoothies, Kevin tries to get his sweater back from Connors nest and Connor is VERY firm on that not happening, but he does let Kevin in to cuddle and they chat and nap, and it’s very sweet and fluffy and Connor is high and passively horny so he’s just happy someone is taking care of him without telling him “no Connor you can’t practice big shots! No Connor you can’t skate!!”

Road Roomies (it’s not gay if I don’t kiss you)

Yet annother Connor/Kevin fic we all can thank @pwhl-mybeloved for, this one was gonna be a simple one shot… and then it grew… a lot. I think I can still make it work as a one shot but it’s gonna be LONG. And yeah, it’s road roommates + masturbation based hockey superstition/ritual + the mortifying ordeal of being on a team that fucking sucks and they keep looking at the new kid to fix it + having a crush on the one person you really fucking shouldn’t (x2) + how to come out when you have spent the last few road games jacking off in proximity to one annother + miscommunication (very brief though, because I don’t like miscommunication as a trope) and then to quote my outline “they just fall into bed and exchange sweet puppy love big cow eyes looking at each other tender kisses on the others nose soft and sweet handjobs”

Muahahahaha I love yapping about my WIPs <333333 yippeeeee

[speedylightpeach]

A Decade and a bit

*Trigger warnings*

*18+ content*

It’s been about 12 years since I met a guy and ended up pregnant. I wanna say it was a choice, but it most certainly was not on purpose. I remember finding out, and being so afraid he would leave; telling my mom the same, just to have her blow up at him. Funny because now, I look back, wishing he’d have left right then and there. For the next 11 years it was bound to be hell; and all I can think is, how did I do this to myself? How did I allow this all to happen to me? How was I too blind to know I deserved better? I don’t know but still to this day, it haunts me, and unfortunately 60% of the time, I still don't believe I deserve better. February 2010 my daughter was conceived, honestly I was so happy, excited even. I remember hearing her first heartbeat, he wasn't there. I remember walking home with the biggest smile on my face, and feeling so stupid at the same time, walking around with this big weird smile on my face. She was a blessing. In the very beginning I decided I would raise her right, and try my best to build her up and make her strong. My mom always put me down, told me I couldn’t do anything. Well, she, that’s another whole different fricking story. Being pregnant was amazing, feeling baby move and just patiently waiting. I got lucky and didn’t even have bad morning sickness or pains or anything. Months roll around and these little red flags popped up but for some reason I was blind to them till later. I guess I just can handle a lot of shit. 6 maybe 7 months pregnant and we were walking somewhere, and i remember him like pulling me along and rushing me, and I was just so pregnant that I was getting stitches and it hurt, but he didn’t care cuz we had somewhere to be. I don’t even remember where, but the red flags came more and more, and I ignored them all. Not wanting to feel like I was an ass for thinking he was being an ass. He was an ass, and it only got worse and maybe I was an ass too, I don't think I'm innocent here, maybe we are both victims. I remember the day my daughter was born. I remember staying in Edmonton at his dad’s, doing the waiting game. November 23 2011, at 4:30 am, I remember waking him up and telling him that I was counting my contractions and I thought it was time. Now, after previously wishing he’d have left at the very beginning, this here is the next moment I wish we’d have separated and never turned back. Okay and first I have to say, this wasn’t one of those pregnancies where u end up going into the hospital ten times and just unsure. I went in once, around my due date to get induced, a week later, here we are. he looks at me, half asleep, and says “okay, well you go, and call me from the hospital if it’s time.” I wish i had walked out the door and let him miss it, sure seems like he didn’t even wanna be there. I have heard a lot of pregnancy stories, and I for one, had it easy. I went in at 4:30 am and had her by noon, with no complications. And while in the state I was in I sure would have liked to sleep, but here I’m looking over and he’s sleeping on the cot. Not enduring this with me, sleeping up to the very last moment. Just feels like the majority of these moments I look back and he wasn’t there. I thought the first couple years were good with the three of us, but I keep remembering things. Within the first year and a half of having her, I remember getting into an fight, and I remember him throwing a chair and being so afraid every time he would come near me. I’m pretty passive, until someone comes at me all aggressive. Honestly, this isn’t even the worst. Well, I’m not going to lie, in the first year or two with my daughter I spent a lot of nights going out to the bar, and he was pretty good about staying home with her, I mean even if he was just gunna sit and play video games all night anyways. I loved the bar. I loved the music, the way I felt so free and so good. Unfortunately, it got out of control. Maybe it had been so long since I felt the sparks of someone just simply touching a shoulder. A touch that didn't make me cringe, and I will tell you, if it makes you

cringe, I swear to god, go with your gut. Anyways, so I ended up way to drunk, and I ended up making out with the wrong guy. I remember feeling so good but so bad. I have a pretty good conscience, so I came clean. And boy did I eat shit. Well deserved I know, I crossed a line, maybe broke him, I'm not sure. I have never been more sorry in my life. And from that day on I basically quit drinking, we split up, kind of. I wanted that attachment so at this point I was basically willing to do whatever it took to get him back. To get him to see that I could change and i could be better. After a few months of doing these things I absolutely hated doing, he left and called me name after name after name. Letting me in just enough to get the good feels, then shoving my down in the ditch to drown, because for all i knew, that's what i deserved after what i did. 6 months apart, he’s living in Edmonton with his brother, unfortunately his brother was quite a mess at times too. Couldn't hold up his end, the bills were too much and my ex, well he needed help. So, he finally decided to let me back in. I remember the day we drove to Edmonton, it was February 2014, it was still winter and the winds were so bad, my mom didn't even wanna drive. It was like sign after sign after sign. The winds were like 100km winds, semi’s were blowing off the roads, and yet, I went. It was fine for a while, the three of us all living in one room, until one night my ex is at work, and his brother gets wasted and just starts getting so mad, clearly I just don't deal with aggression well. My ex came home and we ended up having to leave cuz his brother was on house arrest. He lost his job too for leaving to deal with our family crisis. We ended up grabbing everything we could from this place, losing a lot because all we could take was what we could take on the train with us. We managed to find another place, again all three of us living in one room sharing a house with a few Filipino people, they were pretty cool. The fighting never dulled or stopped. It was always something. I remember once being shown a Facebook account, with a Latino name and being assured that i had a fake Facebook account. The only thing was, it wasn't me. I will tell you another thing, a really shitty feeling, is when you're defending yourself persistently for something you didn't even do. Being told over and over again that your wrong when you know you're right. Being told I cheated with someone I never had. The landlord ended up selling the place so we found some roommates to move in with, another couple who had kids. These people were, intense to say lightly. Some what the same though, She couldn't leave without being harassed to come back home and deal with the kids. At this point I couldn't even see my best friend, because she had guys with her. I remember her coming to town and asking me to go to Red’s or something, and it was just such a fight to let me go. Are there guys? He didn't want me to go, and i remember swearing up and down that it wasn't his fault that I wouldn't go. He eventually did let me go, but when i came home it was assumptions and accusations. Seems like after this point every time i left the house, to go to work, to anything, I always walked back in to assumptions and accusations. I remember getting phone calls at work, with him screaming at me, and my coworkers just looking at me like I'm fucked. I wish I knew why I put up with it all. At this point I've probably been solely providing for my family for at least 4 years, since he lost that job. It was so hard to make ends meet with 13 dollars an hour and i just wore myself out. Sadly those were the days, i would ask my boss if i could stay longer, just so I didn't have to go home. This is where things really took a turn, because it wasn't just things I was doing anymore. Now its things someone else is doing, some stranger logging into his games and apps with convenient names to harass and make him feel bad. Which, I don’t know, I still to this day see as coincidences. Maybe I was wrong for not supporting him, I

honestly didn't know how. After all the times, I honestly felt like I would be lying if I said I believed it, and I had no one to talk to. I had already lost touch with reality. One day, the fight got so bad, I will never forget this day, it severely haunts me, and I pray I never get treated this way again. I don't even remember what we were fighting about, but it was bad, there were things thrown everywhere, glass smashed all over the place, my favorite things all broken. I remember standing in the kitchen while he picked up the weeks worth of garbage in the can and dumped it on me, and called me trash. And people wonder why I have no self worth, because I dealt with shit like this for too long. I broke. After the trash it was bong water, all over my Chili Peppers shirt stained with resin for life. I remember this was close to my daughters birthday. I was making her a cake and he threw that everywhere. I still have the video of the way the house looked. Whore, cunt, bitch, stupid. I pray that no one ever gets put down in this way. And fuck me, I still went back to him. Still allowed him another chance for what I don't know. With my mom and my best friend telling to leave, I justified it. Relationships are hard they take work, but hun not this much. Her birthday comes and he sits in his room the whole day. I don't remember the fight after that, the only thing I do remember was my daughter and niece in the living room probably only 4 and5 and he picked up my PlayStation and just threw it flat down right in front of them, and they looked so scared. At this point I’m yelling at him to get the fuck out. Do something to me that's one thing, I can take it a lot better than those poor little kids, whom had done nothing. As he was walking up the stairs I said his name and he turned around. I punched him in the face, and that was the first time I had ever hit anyone in the face ever. Its weird, I get to a point where I've had enough but then I'm okay and decide I guess I can handle a little more I don't know maybe it will be better, they say things get better… they didn't. I think it was 2017 when he finally moved back to our old town. Not long after I followed, I guess I just couldn't give myself the time to find something better, someone better. Ended up moving back in with him. This time, was the last time. This argument was horrid. Not as bad as having bong water and garbage dumped on you, but words have a way of sticking in the brain. Another fight i don't remember at all what I did, but I remember sitting on the deck begging my friend to come get me, when he throws a bag of roast beef sandwich meat at me and says my cunt smells. This guy has torn me down in every way possible. I honestly don't even have a clue as to how to rebuild myself. I wanted to leave the meat behind on the bed, with a note “ For when you start to miss me” I wish I had, but I guess I just didn't want to sink that low. I didn't realize how low I was already sinking. When he wanted sex that was it, he was either gunna belittle me until I just laid there and took it or he’d go watch porn and grope me while I tried to ignore it all. Honestly this is my biggest pain. I never want to feel what that feels like ever again. Lets be clear, he never once actually hit me, before he had pushed the back of the rocking chair and basically thrown me out of it, and this last time, he put his hand on my face and he shoved me. And I don't know why, but that's when I really broke. I walked out that door and never came back. We tried to be friends later, but it was too hard. He would try to kiss me and honestly cringe, to having to turn away to block a kiss u don't want. I so nicely explained how hard we tried and that we just had to let go. Spent a few months doing a lot of molly together. Before I realized I was sinking again, this time to molly. She felt so good. Gave me that feeling I wanted. Peace in my heart. No worries. No anger. Nothing. Peace. Just over two years separated and I honestly hope he leaves our lives and doesn't come back. I am sorry, that he misses

out on his kid, but I cannot fathom the idea of her going through the same tragedies I have. Today, I have anxiety, severe depression, mostly likely BPD, 60% of the time I feel like I'm drowning, or wish I was. I cant work, I hate going out for fear of people thinking and seeing me the way he did. All of those things he said have shaped the way I see myself and its so sad. One day, I hope I find my worth. And you, remember to love yourself more than anything else. I didn’t and it destroyed me. I had all the chances in the world to turn my life around, don’t miss yours.

[baevillier]

Never Seen Before | Tyson Jost

Summary: Somethings can be forgiven. Cheating isn’t one of them.

Requested: No

There was no possible way that Y/N could have prepared for every possible scenario in her life. Although she would have loved to have all the answers to every problem she faced- that simply wasn’t possible. When she was a kid, things were easier. She fell off her bike? Well the obvious answer was to get back up and try again. She failed a math test? Put more time into studying. Didn’t feel very energetic? Take a break or have a nap. Figure out that your boyfriend was cheating on you? well… Y/N didn’t really know what to do at that point.

It was like her world had been completely thrown out of loop. Walking in on her boyfriend and seeing him with another woman was unlike anything she could have prepared for. In all honesty, she couldn’t remember what she had done in the moment. Did she scream at him? Did she cry? Did she slam the door and walk out? The latter seemed like the more realistic option.

Maybe she had gotten it wrong. Maybe she had gotten the wrong idea- maybe he was with his cousin. No- that wasn’t right- cousins didn’t make out. Well at least she hoped they didn’t.

Either way, she had seen them together and now she was alone in her apartment. The white walls keeping her company as she stewed in her own thoughts, emotions coming to a boiling point.

She needed Answers. She needed to know what to do next.

So She called Tyson.

Hockey stud, and professional athlete mainly, but among that impressive resume he was Y/N’s best friend. They had been close ever since they were kids so even though he moved away for hockey- it made sense that they were still close.

Y/N didn’t care that it was 3am where Tyson was. She knew that within an hour or so he would be waking up anyways to go for a run- or get ready for early morning practice. So the first thing she did was grab her phone and press speed dial.

The humming sound of the phone rang through her ears. Just a few seconds too long for her patience to bare. “Hello?” his groggy voice came out through the other side- in that moment, Y/N had never felt safer. Hearing his warm gravelly tone was more than enough to make her feel content.

“You were right Tys…” she mumbled softly, wiping a stray tear from her cheek. She didn’t even have to say anything else for Tyson to understand what she was talking about.

“Do you need me to come home?” he asked. That was always the thing about Tyson. No matter how many time he warned her about some shitty ex, his first concern was always what she needed, and if she had said yes to his question- he would have dropped everything to be with her.

Shaking her head, Y/N smiled tiredly. “No.. no- sorry… you should stay in Denver.” she reassured him. “I just needed to hear your voice.” she admitted. His chuckle resonated through her mind, she could picture him laying half awake in his bed- shirtless but kept warm by the mountains of blankets he had. His hair messed up into a bunch of curls on top of his head and his stubble grown into a shaggy beard.

Even though he wasn’t physically there with her, she could feel the warmth he radiated. It wrapped around her like a warm blanket on a winter morning and in that moment, It was exactly what she needed.

“You know that I’l be on the first flight home as soon as I can right?” He asked softly- making sure that she was prepared for his arrival. In all honesty, Y/N couldn’t ask for more.

Her lips stretched into a smile and she nodded although he couldn’t see her. “I know Tys… I can’t wait to see you…” If she was lucky, he would be able to come home for Bye-Week instead of going to Cabo or something like that. She had gone plenty of times with him before, but this time she was hoping they could just relax at home.

When Tyson finally got a break, he kept true to his word- flying into Edmonton and stopping at his best friend’s house before he even went to his mom’s. It had only been a couple of weeks since they talked last, but he knew that he needed to see her.

Showing up on her doorstep at two in the morning, he felt guilty for waking her up this time of night. Even if she had done the same to him countless times before. He knocked twice and waited- hearing a faint shuffling come from behind the entrance. “Tyson?” Y/N asked almost in shock. She had seen him through the peep hole but wasn’t expecting him to come home so soon.

He looked at her with the kindest smile. “Hey you.” He wrapped his arms around her and kept her close- his cologne covering her. He smelled like a mixture of oak and citrus, mixed with travel and the stale air- but it was familiar and welcoming. “I didn’t expect to see you so soon.” Y/N mumbled.

Tyson nodded softly. “I knew that you needed me. I’m only here for the weekend, but I plan on making the most of it.” He promised her. “I couldn’t just let you suffer with a broken heart alone, now could I?” He asked.

Y/N chuckled, she let him inside and made sure that she got the guest room set up for him. “I’m really happy you’re here Tyson.”

The man nodded, taking his bags to his room. He only had a day or two here tops, but he just had to see Y/N. Meeting her in the kitchen, he leaned against the counter and took a breath. “Listen… I just- I gave it a lot of thought and I need you to know my real feelings about your break-up.” He told her.

Suddenly Y/N paused, she put the food away that she had been currently heating up for him, turning her undivided attention towards him. “Yeah?” She asked softly. She didn’t know what he meant by ‘feelings’ but his tone was serious so she knew there was no room to question it.

Tyson gathered all of his strength before rambling. “I don’t like seeing you with other guys… and I know that Im only your best friend- but I really wanna be more than that.” He confessed. “It hurts me to have to pick you up every time a shitty guy breaks your heart and when you called me last time I just-“

“I can’t be the only one that feels that we have something more here than a friendship.” He trailed off.

Y/N looked up at him in shock. “You- you have feelings for me?” She stuttered. Never in a million years would she have guessed that Tyson Jost- little dorky Tyson from next door wanted to be her boyfriend. She had a crush on him all through school but as soon as he moved on in his life with Hockey, she assumed she never had a chance.

Tyson nodded. “Is that so hard to believe?” He asked, forcing out a chuckle. Y/N watched the way he scratched his beard, something he had always done when he was nervous.

Licking her lips, Y/N shrugged. “I mean… It kind of Is?” She asked. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?” She questioned. Had she been so oblivious all her life that she never noticed Tyson’s feelings?

“I dont know- I guess I figured you were out of my league.” Tyson answered. “Look at you. You’re amazing. You finished school all on your own a year early than anyone else in your class, you have an amazing career doing what you love. Youre so independent and have a personality that just blows me out of the water… You’re one of a kind Y/N…” he complimented.

Y/N felt her heart swell. “Tys…” she smiled, walking over and wrapping her arms around him. “I wish I would have known how you felt…” It definitely would have saved her a lot of heartbreak. Pulling away, she looked up at him and grinned.

“What do you say, we ditch the dinner at home and go on a date?” She asked softly. Surely it was super late at night, but there was nothing better than exploring a city that was sleeping- time alone was always Y/N’s favourite memories.

Tyson grinned, pressing a kiss to her cheek. “Let’s do it.”

[grittyreadsfic]

been seeing underappreciated fic rec lists going around, so here are some of my top fics that deserved more attention, on a list that might have gotten it’s title from a DCOM: gonna let the light shine on me

note: for this fic, i used the criteria that it had under 250 kudos, though the bulk of these fall into the under 150 category, and that they’ve been around for a few weeks at least. 

further and fast and gone after disaster by penaltyboxed

pairing: n/a, gen

summary: Robby had made his agent request the trade instead of asking for it himself.

Something about the idea of verbally admitting how badly he needed to get out of St. Louis kind of killed him inside. He didn’t even care where he went, not really. He just desperately wanted to be out of electric blue and gold, wanted to skate anywhere else, wanted to feel like he actually mattered to a team. Any team. Anywhere in the league that would take a disappointing excuse of a first round pick with ‘injury prone’ tattooed across his forehead. His name was on the fucking Stanley Cup and it just felt so cheap, and evil, in a cosmic sort of way. He was trying to exorcise the chorus of Gloria from his brain for the rest of his life.

So his agent had texted him: What about Detroit? Armstrong and the front office r willing to trade u for a kid named De La Rose.

And then his agent had texted him again: I can get u 1 for 1 but thats probably as good as its gonna be

why i love it: i’ve never loved a gen fic as much i love this one. it’s an absolutely beautiful character study of robby, and is some of the best writing of emotion that i’ve ever encountered. it’s such a perfectly crafted fic, and it made me want to care about the red wings (i team i literally know nothing about)

i’ve never been a natural (all i do is try, try, try) by iwantthemtostay ( @iwantthemtostay​ )

pairing: connor mcdavid/dylan strome

summary:  In June 2015 Dylan gets drafted fourth overall by the Toronto Maple Leafs, in August his boyfriend breaks up with him. In July 2026 said ex signs with the Leafs. In the months that follow they work things out.

why i love it: this author has actually written two of my favorite mcstrome fics ever, and i recced the other one of theirs pretty recently. this fic has some of the best platonic dynamics, which adds such a nice depth to the story and the secondary characters. the pacing of it is absolutely perfect, and it felt like such a realistic way that connor and dylan could have come back together.

we’ve moved on again by stromesquad 

pairing: travis konecny/dylan strome

summary: Dylan isn’t expecting his phone to ring during the second day of the 2023 draft, but it does, and it’s Stan Bowman.

“Hello,” Dylan answers.

“Hi, Dylan. I am calling to let you know you’ve been traded to Philadelphia. Thank you for your hard work and dedication here in Chicago, and we in management and the coaching staff wish you the very best for your future. Chuck Fletcher should be reaching out to you soon.”

why i loved it: i love trade fics, for the narrative, and i love trade fics that are actually trades i wish would happen in the real world. it’s such a great look into how dylan handles it all-the move, the break up, the gradual way he falls for tk, how he makes a home for himself in philly and on the flyers-and the pairing is one i would never have thought of, but now i wish there were so many more fics for them

step out into the wild by jamesvanriemsdick ( @jamesvanriemsdick​ )

pairings: travis konency/nolan patrick

summary: Travis Konecny doesn’t stop talking—Nolan finds he doesn’t mind, though, not when Travis fills up the space where the city’s heartbeat should be, not when he makes Nolan feel so, so alive, like there’s electricity running under his skin instead of just blood and bone and muscle.

why i love it: i was torn between putting a fic from this series or once in twenty life times, but i’m fairly certain i recced that one recently so. technically you could read my essay length comments on any of the fics in this series and you’d get all of my very indepth thoughts on this, but the the tldr is that i’m a sucker for magical realism and a little bit in love with the city of philadelphia, and this fic-the whole series-just does it for me. i love the concept of the heartbeats, of all the different way the city makes its claim known, and nolan’s is my favorite of the three. 

i didn’t have it in myself to go with grace by crookedsilence ( @crooked-silence​ )

pairing: nathan mackinnon/cale makar

summary:  It takes one morning for Cale’s entire life to change. One morning and a wish he didn’t know he made.

why i love it: wishbaby fics are one of my absolute favorite things to read, and this one is an absolutely perfect one. the domesticity, the way it’s so obvious who the second parent is, but cale takes forever to put it together, the complex and messy and conflicting emotions that this kind of situation would create-it’s really got it all and is such a wonderful read

somewhere where the summer lasts all year ‘round by jvrcus

pairing: jamie benn/tyler seguin

summary:  Edmonton was cold, so Tyler goes somewhere warm.

why i love it: ao3 user jvrcus if you see this please know that i looked at your page for a solid 15 minutes trying to decide which fic to puton this list because they’re all perfect. this author is one of my favorite writers when it comes to imagery, and this fic is such a great example of that. this fic is really just a series of moments that feel too intimate to witness, which is what i love in a fic

this feels like falling in love by bageldiscourse

pairing: jt compher/tyson jost/alexander kerfoot

summary: Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? Alexander would like to believe that, but he couldn’t imagine a fondness stronger than the one he feels every time he’s around them. He couldn’t imagine a world where his heart doesn’t skip a beat every time J.T. smiles, easy and pleased and, underneath it all, a little vulnerable. Or—when Tyson volunteers to help Alexander make brownies, and looks over at Alexander, the bridge of his nose dusted with flour and his hands sticky with chocolate.

When the three of them are driving to practice in the morning, Alexander in the backseat and Tyson and J.T. holding hands and Alexander just—wanting.

why i love it: part why i adore this fic is just the structure, how it’s set up that there’s a fact or anecdote about alexander, and then there’s a way that it relates to jt and tyson. alexander calls the two of them the closest thing to soulmates, but this structure makes it feel like all three of them are just linked somehow, and it’s a very sweet fic

nobody left but us by capsize (copenhagenborn)

pairing: tyson barrie/gabe landeskog

summary: Tyson is traded to the Toronto Maple Leafs in July, and it's fine, really.

It's not like his life is falling apart or anything.

why i love it: again, i love trade fics, and this one is one of my favorites because of it’s characterization of tyson. he spends most of the fic trying to help others, focusing on the issues someone else is experiencing, in order to avoid thinking about his own problems. it leads to some really great parallels in the fic, and the author crafted such  a beautiful, layered, and compelling story because of it

[astropanditvijayram]

Always be positive to get your ex love back in Toronto. The city of Toronto is quite famous for its scenic beauty. It is a city where the skyline meets the beaches of Lake Ontario. This place gives many topics on the coronary heart, which can be as complicated and diverse as the town itself. If you discover yourself longing to reignite the flame with a former partner do not worry. 

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Bad Things Happen Bingo: Worked Themselves to Exhaustion

Heeeey, @badthingshappenbingo​ is finally underway! @burtlederp​ asked for Worked Themselves to Exhaustion with Ryan as our POV/Main, so here it is! 

Bloodstains = requested, puppy sticker = completed

This is set post-rescue and post-trial. Tagging the crew: @spiffythespook​, @bleeding-demon-teeth​, and @special-spicy-chicken​!

CW: Very little, actually! Some references to parental abuse and implied/references past assault/violence, but mostly this is just Ryan being Ryan

Ryan woke up with a start to discover he’d fallen asleep sitting at the kitchen table, forehead resting on one arm and the other simply hanging loose down at his side.

He still had the mug of coffee he’d been drinking sitting next to him, his fingers loosely curved around the handle. He dragged his free hand up and over to find the ceramic had totally cooled, the coffee no doubt cold and stale inside.

He blinked, lifting his head slowly, wincing at the crick of pain in his neck. What time was it? How long had he been asleep? His phone was buzzing on the table next to him and he blinked, blearily looking over at it. Must've been what woke him. Fuck, was it really 9:45 already?

When he saw ‘MOM’ and the photo he’d set of he and Corrine at the beach a couple of years ago lighting up the screen, he groaned, hit the button to silence it, and let his head drop back to the table.

He was so fucking tired and he did not have the energy to deal with his mother right now. Maybe not ever again, not where Danny was concerned.

She would tell him to get an aide, she was always telling him to get an aide. Move out (you can move right back in the house with Dad and I until you find a place, no reason to linger there wasting your twenties), leave him and Vandrum with a full-time home health care aide.

You shouldn’t feel obligated to take care of him, Ryan.

But he did, and maybe if Mom had ever felt obligated to really care about Danny, he wouldn’t have ended up wearing a goddamn dog collar in western Canada.

Not that it was Canada’s fault, or anything. Ryan hadn’t ever realized how fucking huge Canada was, before he’d flown into Edmonton on the fastest flight he could find, rented a car, and then drove and drove and drove and fucking drove to the police station his brother was waiting in - only to realize it had been more hours upon hours of driving for Nate to get Danny there in the first place.

That cabin in the woods had been literally in the middle of fucking nowhere, and Ryan couldn’t possibly have known, right?

He should have, though. He should have, and maybe none of it would ever have happened if his mother and father hadn’t said all that shit to Danny five years ago about regretting adopting someone who didn’t want to be part of the family business, and therefore part of the family.

They might not see their obligations, but Ryan did. He was obligated, because while Danny had been up in those woods suffering, learning to believe that Denner fucker's lies that he isn't a person, that his body belongs to Denner to use however he wants, learning to call himself a puppy and give up his name and his body and his humanity to stay alive, Ryan had been looking in all the wrong places trying to find him.

He had looked for four straight years. He'd started looking the day Danny didn’t come home from his weird meetup with the older guy he was either just crushing hard on or actually dating, no one seemed to know, and he'd kept looking until the day the cops called and said We’ll know for sure once we’ve done the DNA test, Mr. Michaelson, but we’re pretty sure this man is your brother. He had never, ever stopped looking.

He had leveraged his parents’ wealth and influence to pull together private searches long after law enforcement had given up. He had kept looking even when the cops and the FBI stopped helping them find a living man and started focusing on recovering a corpse one day, maybe decades from now, when some dumbass hiker might trip over his brother’s bones in the woods-

Stop it. He survived. You brought him home. You couldn't have known where Denner would take him. You couldn't have done more.

Yes, he could have.

He had been looking, but he hadn’t looked hard enough. He'd looked in the wrong spots, he had missed clues, somewhere, somehow.  What if there had been a white hair in the bloodied car they missed? What if Denner had left a fingerprint on Vandrum's apartment building? What if what if what if.

What if none of it would ever have changed a thing?

No, his mother didn't understand, but he couldn’t ever give enough of himself to Danny's recovery to make up for what he had lost, for what he was still losing. For time suffered and time spent trying to heal.

His mother’s photo blinked away and the phone went back to empty black. Ryan sighed in relief… only to watch it light right back up as she tried a second time.

“No, fucking no,” He groaned, fighting the child’s urge to answer just because it was her, because he loved her, because she loved him. Him, but not his brother. The eternal hidden truth of the Michaelson family - one child loved, the other left out, chased off, and lost. "Leave a goddamn voicemail, Mom, come on."

He'd been up all night, for the third night in a row, and Ryan was tapped the fuck out.

One super fun discovery Ryan had made about bringing home two people who had lived in nonstop fight-or-flight-or-freeze mode for four years was that they never stop getting sick.

Danny's immune system had apparently just checked out at some point and left, and Ryan could usually handle it, but this virus or whatever it was... was bad.

Vandrum usually did his best to help, but he had caught the bug, too, this time. Which meant two grown men reduced to middle-of-the-night coughing fits and all-day fevers, two grown men essentially helpless, two grown men Ryan had found himself in charge of.

Ryan wasn't only taking care of his traumatized older brother who refused to let him touch him, even just to check to see if his fever had broken, but also his brother’s equally traumatized maybe-boyfriend who never flinched or pulled away but who instead stared at Ryan with glassy, frightened green eyes and gritted teeth as he simply put up with Ryan’s clumsy attempts at caretaking in silence, only breaking it with the occasional pl-please let Red sl-sleep, he can’t d-d-do chores today, I’ll d-do his chores f-for him, please...

One more day of this and Ryan might crack.

He's stocked the fridge with all the stuff he remembered Mom buying when they were sick as kids - ginger ale and Pedialyte (did adults drink that shit? Vandrum and Danny hadn't put up a fight when he brought it to them and God knew they weren't keeping any food down yet), chicken soup from the deli in little microwave-safe containers, some Gatorade. There were saltines open on the counter, from the only experiment with solid food either man had attempted since they first got sick.

Ryan had never seen someone throw up saltines before, but at least Vandrum had seemed decently ashamed of himself for it. Danny hadn't even tried them.

It's 9:45 in the morning and all Ryan wants to do is crawl back into his own bed and drift, but if he does he knows one of them will need him, and the only thing worse than not sleeping is finally, finally getting to sleep only to be almost immediately woken up by grown men so knocked out by some kind of virus that they could hardly stand on their own.

Ryan slowly sits up straight, feeling pops along his spine from having been slumped over the table for so long, wondering if twenty-four was too young to have his fucking bones crack when he moves, like an old man.

“One hour,” He says out loud, to no one in particular. “If they don’t need anything in the next hour, I’m giving up and going to fucking bed.”

He pours himself a fresh cup of coffee, which does absolutely nothing to alleviate his exhaustion. He listens to the voicemail his mother eventually leaves, after her third and fourth attempts go unanswered.

Here’s to hoping you’re sleeping, Ryan, and don’t worry, I was just wondering how you were doing and if you had any updates on how Danny and his, um, friend are doing. I can have Mrs. Verona over there to give you a break, poor dear, just say the word.

I was sleeping, Mom, Ryan thinks bitterly, rubbing at his forehead with the heel of one hand as he listens, ignoring for the moment that technically he had fallen asleep sitting at the table like a parent with a newborn and not an adult with a sick brother. Your fucking phone calls woke me up, congratulations, Corrine Michaelson, you’re a gold-star mom today.

No, that wasn’t fair. She was just worried, Mom knew he wasn’t sleeping enough since Danny came home. She was just trying to help, with the offers of an aide or of sending Mrs. Verona over for a day. 

She wasn’t trying to chase Danny off again, she wasn’t trying to make him feel like less-than even when he’d only just really started to get his feet under himself again. She just wanted to help Ryan, like always, and was so blinded by it that she missed that what helped Ryan sometimes hurt Danny.

She’d never meant to be awful to Danny, really, it had always just… happened.

Why do you always make excuses for her? Why don’t you just admit it, give it a name, and try to protect him from them while he’s still so fragile and so easily torn apart all over again? He needs someone who can stand up for him this time, and you never have, you always, always let them blame him. You let him run to Eureka to get away from them, so he was in this stupid town when that fucking psychopath came calling to pick his ex up again.

You let them chase Danny away, and it’s your fault he was here when Abraham Denner wanted a new victim. It’s your fault, Ryan, and you have to fix it, so stop whining to yourself about being tired and take care of the brother you couldn’t save when it counted.

You can start by calling what Mom and Dad do to Danny what it is, by calling it-

“Ryan?”

He’d been so lost in his thoughts he hadn’t heard anyone coming, but he looks up now to see Danny leaning against the open-framed doorway to the kitchen, staring in at him with stark surprise written across his face.

The wavy red hair is sticking to his forehead and the back of his neck and his blue eyes are fever-bright, two bright red splotches mark his cheeks. His face is otherwise chalk-white, freckles and the ring of half-healed scarring standing out in garish, nearly neon red in a perfect outline of that fucking thing Ryan can barely stand to think about.

“What’re you doing up? You look dead on your feet, man.” Ryan stands up, slowly so he doesn’t surprise him - Danny still doesn’t like it when people move too fast around him, and the fever definitely doesn’t help with that problem - and sets his coffee mug on the table. “Let’s get you back to bed.”

“I’m not s’posed to, to be in th’ bed.” Danny glances over his shoulder, then back, putting a finger to his lips. “Ssshhh. He must’ve… told Nate it was okay...” Danny’s eyes drift, aimlessly, to the side, looking with confusion at the window above the kitchen sink, with the faded, ancient little pleated floral curtain that had been in the apartment when Danny moved in.  “That’s not right. What d’you think he did to earn me getting to sleep in the bed?”

Something in Ryan cracks a little more, the way it always does every single time Danny says something else like this, some new piece of heart-deep horror that Danny doesn’t even seem to recognize for what it is.

“I don’t suppose it would help to tell you you’re home,” Ryan says, wearily, thinking longingly about the last few swallows of hot coffee left and whether it’s worth drinking it if it’s not going to even touch the fatigue. “Would it?”

“I wish I could go home.” Danny speaks the words so softly Ryan nearly misses them. “I wish, but there isn’t one anymore. I know all the rules. I’m so fucking tired, Ryan. Are you still looking for me?”

“Danny?” He’s so exhausted that it takes too long, far too long, for it to really sink in that Danny isn’t talking to him at all, but to some memory he’s having, that Danny’s lost in the woods again.

“I wish I got to keep my name.” Danny whimpers the words more than speaks and then slides straight to the floor in one swift motion. Ryan can’t cross the distance in time to stop him and Danny thumps to the ground nearly bonelessly, still braced against the door frame, closing his eyes slowly and resting the side of his head against it. “You have to look in the woods, Ryan. We’re in the woods.”

When Ryan crouches in front of him, reaching out one hand, he doesn’t flinch or pull away, not when Ryan’s palm presses against his sweaty, boiling-hot forehead, not when he feels the rabbit-fast flutter of his pulse in the side of his neck. 

“Whatever you want,” Danny mumbles, eyes half-opening, then closing again. “Do whatever you want. I’ll be good.”

He’s going to have to stand Danny up, and he can barely find the energy to straighten his legs for himself. Three days - three days of the fevers that come and go, the coughing that wakes him up when he does sleep, his mother’s worried phone calls, Vandrum being fucking useless because he’s sick, too.

He just.

It’s just too fucking much and Ryan never realized how hard it would be to do all of this totally alone.

“Danny, I’m so goddamn tired,” Ryan says out loud, near tears himself. “I can’t keep doing this, I can’t keep taking care of you-”

“S’okay,” Danny slurs back to him. “Go back t’bed. I can make breakfast. I need to do chores… s’time, he can’t see I’m late, he can’t, can’t see-” Danny starts trying to push himself back to his feet, and Ryan is half-impressed, half-horrified when his desperately ill brother manages to make himself stand back up, knees locked, glittering, distant eyes fixed on the sink. Ryan stands with him, slowly, his hands out but uncertain what to do next. “Do dishes. Start with dishes. He has to see I’m still working…”

Danny takes a step and simply collapses forward, but this time Ryan is there to catch him under the arms in an awkward half-hug, and Danny shudders at the touch but he’s too weak to pull away or fight back, too weak to even try.

“Look in the woods,” Danny mutters, and his forehead falls against Ryan’s shoulder, thumping into it hard enough to make Ryan wince. “Look in th’ woods for us. Sssshhhhh… everything’s so fuckin’ loud…”

“You’re the only one talking here, buddy,” Ryan murmurs, closing his own eyes just for a second, feeling himself sway a little, a sort of dip in his brain where the white fog of tired takes over before his eyes jolt back open. “Shit. I, I have to sleep, Dan, or I’m gonna die.”

“Don’ die,” Danny mutters, without moving even an inch. “Don’ die. Mom’ll be mad at me.”

Ryan laughs, and after a second Danny huffs a sound that might be laughter, too, and finally Ryan braces himself, pushing Danny back up to where he’s taking at least a little of his own weight. “Okay, okay. I got an idea. Go back to my room, okay? We’ll lie down in there.”

“I have to start chores,” Danny protests faintly, his eyes dancing around aimlessly again, then landing back on Ryan’s face. “Can you tell Mom to call me in sick today? There’s no way I’m going to school. Abraham’s gonna be so mad at me... I can’t go t’school today...”

“You’re twenty-six years old, big brother,” Ryan grunts as he manages to get Danny’s arm around his shoulder to hold him up, taking his weight, his head pounding. He just had to get to bed. Just that far, not too far at all. “You haven’t been in school for a long time.”

“Oh.” Danny frowns, confused, and when Ryan starts trying to walk, he drags his feet along beside him, nearly shuffling. Their progress down the hallway is slow, but damn it, it still counts as progress, and Ryan can see his bedroom door getting closer with every step. “Did I graduate? I don’t remember that.”

Ryan sighs, taking a pause to redistribute Danny’s weight. He’s going to fall over right here in the hallway, pass out and sleep for a week. Right there on the floor. Maybe someone will drop an omelet or something for him to eat while he’s down there.

Who would make it, though, if Danny and Vandrum are both totally useless? Maybe if he called his mother, she’d send Mrs. Verona over with, like, a fucking honeyed ham or something.

“No, Dan, you didn’t. You were still one semester out. They sent you an honorary degree, though, I have it stashed somewhere.”

You know, when they thought you were dead, when everyone but me gave up.

“Honor degree.” Danny giggles, the sound eerie and unfamiliar, a high-pitched noise he’s almost never made in Ryan’s entire memory. “Degree for honor. What’s honor when you fuck like I do now?”

“If there is a God, may you never say anything like that ever again.” Ryan manages to get his door open, although only barely, and he stumbles a few feet into the room before simply letting Danny fall right into the bed, breathing hard.

“May I have permission to sleep?” Danny mumbles, eyes already closing as he mostly crawls his way further into the bed. Ryan’s heard him ask Nate Vandrum that question every fucking night since they brought him home, with the occasional lapse when he remembers he’s a human being and grown-ass humans don’t have to ask permission to fall asleep.

Just like they shouldn’t have to ask permission to shower or bathe or sit in a chair and not on the floor or eat with a fork or…

No. Too tired to be angry right now.

“Yes,” Ryan says heavily. “Yes, you can sleep.”

“Thank you for letting me sleep, Ryan.” The voice is soft and fuzzy, gentle and grateful, and Ryan fucking hates Danny’s stupid fucking rules and his stupid fucking puppy voice. And he hates that he’s so tired that he can’t stop himself from being angry that Danny still uses it rather than focusing on the fact that sometimes, for whole days, he doesn’t.

“No problem, buddy. Get some rest.”

He watches Danny curl up, turning his six-foot-two body into something shockingly small. His knees go to his chest and his arms curve over his head with his hands loosely splayed over his hair, a defensive position to ward off the blows that might be coming at any time.

He never slept like that before, he’d said to Vandrum one night early on, when they’d both woken up and caught Danny curled up like that on the floor next to the couch.

Yeah, w-w-well, your p-parents didn’t w-w-wake him up with head t-trauma, did they? Nate had said, and Ryan had hated him a little less, in the moment, when he’d seen the guilt written across his face. Nate was always guilty, and he damn well should be, but Ryan had plenty to be guilty about, too.

Plenty to make up for.

And he’ll be right back to that as soon as he gets some goddamn sleep.

Ryan sighs, swaying a little, and finally climbs in, sliding under the covers, unruly black curls falling over his face. He watches Danny, already out, curled up and ready to be kicked awake at any moment.

He falls asleep with one hand out, resting on top of the comforter within inches of Danny, not quite touching him.

[baevillier]

Turbulence | Matthew Tkachuk

part one

The low hum of the airplane turbine next to her seat had begun to lull Y/N asleep. Here she sat at the Lambert international airport in St.Louis- with nothing but a bag of pretzels and a bottle of water in her lap as she watched out the window. It was past midnight and she had opted to take the red eye flight as a way to save money after Christmas had put white the beating on her bank account.

Passengers loaded onto the plane and started putting their carry-on items in the above head storage. There were a couple families, some children and one lady who sat a few rows behind Y/N had a dog. All she wanted was to get some shut eye. Christmas break had not been what she expected, originally the plan was to fly into Missouri and spend time with her boyfriend and his family, but what she received instead was a rude awakening.

Her boyfriend was a total asshole when he was around his family, and as Y/N learned- he was not the guy she had fallen for back in Calgary. So rather than put herself through two weeks of utter torture and pain, she broke things off with him and put herself on the first flight back to Alberta. There was still time for her to visit her own family in Edmonton if she really wanted, but Christmas was over now and they would all be heading back to work. There was no point in driving down after she got home. The weather on the highway would be more of a danger than anything, and she couldn’t afford another flight in such a short amount of time.

People started to settle down and the seat next to Y/N had yet to be filled- maybe she would get the entire row to herself, she could stretch out, put her feet up, take use of the extra leg room and arm rest. But her desires had taken a hold of her too soon- as if it was karma for being so greedy, a voice suddenly called out. “I’m here! Im here!” A man came rushing onto the plane, showing the flight attendant his ticket and passport. Almost mocking Y/N for her naive thoughts, the staff pointed out to the empty seat next to her- Y/N had just found her seat buddy.

Cursing herself, she huffed and crossed her arms- looking out the window to try and ignore how annoying her neighbour had already become. She knew nothing about him but she was in a shitty mood due to her recent break-up and also the fact that she was taking a flight at two in the morning.

Pushing his rather large carry-on into the overhead space, the man sat down next to Y/N, bumping her arm with his rather broad shoulders. He had a ball cap on hiding his mess of hair- but Y/N could see some sticking out from the sides, oddly cut and curly. It had a slight red tinge to it which matched the sweater he was wearing. Champion sweatshirt- nothing fancy. A pair of grey sweatpants hugged his hips, they had an Adidas symbol on them and some Adidas trainers on his feet. He looked pretty normal- he was obviously fit, but YN didn’t really care. She wasn’t looking to date anyone so soon.

She was rather observing him.

Once the man had taken up quite the amount of Y/N’s space, he pressed his lips into a firm line as if nothing was wrong. The flight attendant continued her instructions which passengers had heard countless of times before- however it was protocol, and they understood they staff had a job to do.

Y/N stared at her phone which still had a picture of her and her boyfriend on it. He was wearing an oilers jersey while she had a flames scarf on. She knew nothing about hockey, but it had been her boyfriend’s birthday and he wanted to go see a game. The memory was one that Y/N once cherished- Ethan had been so different in Calgary than he was in St.Louis. In Alberta he was kind and understanding, but as soon as they got to Missouri it was like a switch had been flipped in his brain. He was rude and dismissive- a total jackass. He ignored Y/N for the majority of their trip, flirted with other women when he thought she wasn’t looking. It was as if the total 5 months they spent together back in Canada had been a lie.

Glancing over at the woman’s phone screen, the man rolled his eyes. “Your boyfriend has horrible taste.” He quipped. Immediately, Y/N’s eyes shot up- locking the device and taking in his figure. Leaning against his had on the arm rest, the red head was watching her almost inquisitively. “He’s not my boyfriend anymore.” She answered him- he didn’t need that information, but Y/N couldn’t stop herself from letting the words Tumble past her lips.

Almost wincing at her actions, the woman’s lips tightened. “Its rude to look at stranger’s phones.” She reprimanded him- anything to get the attention away from her failing love life. She was met with a chuckle and roll of her neighbour’s eyes. “Were going to be stuck next to each other for about 7 hours… So we better move past being strangers quickly- other wise this flight is going to be awfully boring.” He stuck out his hand to introduce himself.

Y/N was almost caught off guard, she didn’t really expect to have a full blown conversation with this guy at two in the morning. But nonetheless, she stuck out her hand. “Im Y/N.” her tone was soft and came out in a tired hum- the dark circles under her eyes were enough to tell the man next to her that she planned on sleeping through this flight.

“Matt.” The man introduced himself. He couldn’t stop himself from asking about her boyfriend. He was cocky and always liked inserting himself in other people’s business, even if Y/N was a stranger to him. Matthew was an instigator and he knew that- it was apart of his charm.

Scratching at the oddly grown in scruff against his jaw, Matthew cleared his throat. “So whats wrong with the ex-boyfriend? Couldn’t get it up?” He smirked. Receiving a short chuckle from the girl next to him, he thought that was a good sign.

This wasn’t exactly something Y/N wanted to talk about but maybe letting it out would be a good thing for her. “He’s just a jackass… Acts totally different around me than he does with his friends and family.” She answered him. Catching the way Matthew rolled his eyes, Y/N glared in his direction. “What? You don’t think thats a good reason to end things?” She asked him defensively.

Matthew shook his head, rising a brow at her he thought it was rather ridiculous. “Obviously a guy is going to act different around his boys than he would with his girl.” He defended Ethan- Matt didn’t know a single thing about this guy, but it seemed like Y/N was being unfair. “There must be something else wrong with him.” He prodded her, begging her to go further into her explanation as to why she ended her relationship.

Y/N was almost at a lost for words. She wasn’t expecting to talk about her relationship with a stranger- let along have to defend her decision after this guy took her ex boyfriend’s side. “There doesn’t have to be anything else wrong with him- I, I ended things and thats that.” She spoke firmly, a red tinge flashed across her cheeks as a hint of anger raised within her.

The plane took off into the air and the passengers were well on their way to Calgary. Y/N was getting further away from Ethan and hopefully leaving her problems behind. The staff came around to answer any questions and check up on the overhead compartments.

Listening to the woman’s remark, the man let out a scoff. Matthew grabbed his head phones and put them over one hear- tilting his head up and closing his eyes, he was going to leave the conversation at that. Until suddenly a comment slipped past his lips. Opening one eye and peeking over at the blushing woman he hummed. “Sounds to me like you’re just high maintenance.”

Almost dropping her jaw in shock at his words, Y/N was at a loss. She knew that she didn’t have to defend herself from some stranger who knew nothing about her situation- but something about Matt had Y/N wanting to fight with him. Maybe it was his cocky little smirk, maybe it was his annoying rat like face or just the fact that Y/N was tired, either way she was irritated and just wanted to go to sleep.

Grabbing her pillow and placing it against the window, Y/N forced her head against the soft plush and squeezed her eyes shut. She just needed to fall asleep and forget absolutely everything about Ethan, Matthew and her failed Christmas.

A tapping against her shoulder began to shake Y/N from her sleep, her eyelids fluttered but she was still refusing to open her eyes- she could hear some grumbling, finally she went to open her eyes just as a finger came flying into view. “Ow- what the fuck?” She spun around, holding one of her eyes that was now tearing up after being poked at.

Blinking several times, she was able to make out the image of Matt, chuckling and rolling his eyes. “Someone is a cranky bitch in the morning aren’t they?” He teased- Sighing softly as he noticed her frustration with him. The man pouted like someone didn’t want to play a game with him. “They are landing us early, issue with the plane.” He mentioned.

This woke Y/N up rather quickly. She immediately rubbed the sleep from her eyes and looked at the tiny map that was being displayed on the screen in front of her. “Were in fucking Minnesota?” She whipped her head towards the window and opened the blinds- the snow was coming down heavy and it was obvious that there weren’t going to be any planes leaving for a while.

Unbelievable. Y/N didn’t understand how she got placed with the worst luck on this trip. First she was seeing her exes family instead of her own, then she was leaving her vacation early and going back home as a single woman, and now she was stuck in Minnesota with a despicable man who she couldn’t wait to get away from.

Clenching her eyes shut and throwing her head back, the woman started to pinch at her arm, tiny nail shaped bruises lining her skin. Instantly Matthew reached out and grabbed her hand. “What are you doing?” He asked, even though the two of them were being irritable towards each other, he didn’t want to see her hurt herself.

“Im trying to wake myself up- because there his no way my life is this shitty.. this has to be a dream.” She batted his hand away and returned to pinching herself.

Matthew rolled his eyes at her dramatics, looking towards the front of the plane as the flight attendant explained that they would be landing in St.Paul until the storm rolls over. A series of gross from the passengers resonated through the plane- a couple of babies starting to cry and the dog began to yip.

Y/N did her best to stay calm but her patience was wearing very thin.

[please-say-less]

when i taste tequila

player: connor mcdavid | edmonton oilers word count: 1, 875 warnings: alcohol/drinking, slight angst summary: you bump into your ex in a bar when he’s back home. music: tequila by dan + shay | speechless by dan + shay author’s note: me out here ignoring every other draft i have to write this songfic. mostly revolves around the song tequila, but when i wrote the scene where y’all are dancing, i pictured speechless. idk why i even ended it with that line. just cos i wanted to use lyrics from the song ig.

“I didn’t think you drank anymore.”

Jumping in surprise, you spit some of your drink back into the glass while the rest of it had begun to dribble down your chin and onto your UToronto sweater. Frowning, you stared down at the mix of vodka and cranberry that was definitely going to leave an ugly stain, and when you looked up to say something, you felt your breath getting caught in your throat. You never thought you’d see Connor McDavid around here anymore.

“I didn’t think you’d be back home already,” you replied.

He motioned for the bartender, and when they came around, he ordered a new drink for you and one for himself before plopping down on the stool next to you. You instantly grabbed a couple of napkins and began to pat down whatever remaining liquor was left on you.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you that much.”

“No, you’re fine. Kinda lost in my thoughts, so I wasn’t really paying much attention.”

The bartender pushed two small shot glasses closer with salt decorating the rim and a lime to garnish. You could barely remember the last time you’d ever had a shot of José Cuervo, and the only reason you did end up remembering is because you were celebrating for Connor. He grabbed the shot glass and picked the lime off before motioning for you to take yours, and you repeated his actions.

“What should we do this to?” he asks.

“Do you really need a reason to take a shot?” you counter.

“There’s always a good reason. . . To Mitch on his engagement.”

The two of you clink your glasses together before swiping your tongue across the salt then tipping your heads back to let the burning liquid crawl down your throat. Immediately, you bit down on your lime to cool the fire in your mouth, and when he looked back over to you, he couldn’t help but laugh. In a questioning motion, you raised your eyebrow at him.

“You still make the same face you used to,” he smiled.

“I don’t drink as much as I used to,” you wiped the corner of your mouth. “And I haven’t done tequila in years.”

He motioned for the bartender to pour another round of shots.

“So Mitch is engaged now?” you asked.

“Yeah, just recently,” he answered. “Like a couple days ago.”

“That’s good for him. I really like Steph.”

“Almost makes me feel a little old, y’know? I can’t believe he’s gonna be the first of us to get married already.”

What he said was too true. You couldn’t believe that his longtime friend was already planning out his future, and it made you ponder what you were doing with your life. Nowadays, you only ever worked and went home, and most days you felt as though you were just going through the motions. You were boyfriend-less, and you barely called the group of gossipping girls at workplace your friends. You found it difficult to look forward to the weekend when you never had any plans whatsoever, and if you were being frank, seeing Connor again was the most exciting thing to happen to you in too long of a while.

After a couple more shots, you knew you were already passed buzzed, and you figured he must be too. Courageously, you leaned your head against his shoulder and smiled to yourself. Between the few dates you’ve managed to squeeze into your schedule since things had ended, none of them had ever managed to give you the same butterflies that Connor did. You’d spent too long being touch starved, and the small of amount of contact was enough fulfil the sensation you’d been yearning for.

“When did things go wrong between us?” you asked.

“When did things ever go right?” he joked.

Both of you chuckled, and you couldn’t help but shake your head at memories of the two of you being young, dumb, and in love. He spent a majority of the next two hours talking endlessly about the past while downing shot after shot with you. From your first date to your first Blue Jays game to your first pregnancy scare, he remembered every little detail between the two of you. It didn’t help that he spent most of the time grinning from ear to ear, as if he missed the good ol’ days too. Honestly, dating Connor was the most alive you’d ever felt.

Your finger was mindlessly drawing at the rim of the empty glass, and you couldn’t help but notice his intense gaze when he quieted down. He picked up your hand and observed your finger, fiddling with the piece of jewelry. His thumb ran over the small diamonds, and he smiled at just how beautiful it still looked years later.

“You still wear this?” he asked, the hint of something else in his tone.

“It keeps guys from hitting on me,” you shrugged. “Just not interested in looking for anyone right now.”

He bit his lip when you looked over, and you buried your face deeper into his shoulder, hiding your flushed face. It was the same ring he bought for you when you two were still dating and before he was making a seven-figure salary. Something modest yet beautiful, and you loved it nonetheless. It was more than a promise but not quite an engagement－something to tell you that he wanted you for forever, but it would’ve been a while before you donned the surname of McDavid.

Another pair of shots was pushed towards the two of you, and you weren’t sure how many more you could take before you would have trouble standing. Just as you downed the liquor once more, your ears perked at the sound of a certain song on the jukebox in the background, and you could feel your eyes beginning to well up with tears. It’d been too long since you heard this song, and what a wicked plan God had for you to play it at this moment in time.

“You remember this song?” you quietly ask.

“Yeah, I’d never forget it,” his voice nearly cracks.

In the midst of being young and foolish, you couldn’t help but anticipate the possible wedding. Just the thought of yourself wearing a lavish white gown down the aisle towards Connor was enough to give you chills back then－hell, it still did. It was the little things you’d mention to him every now and then, and there was nothing more he adored than seeing you in love with wedding planning.

He knew you wanted to use baby’s breaths for flowers, and the possibility of an outside ceremony sounded charming. It was the day that you brought up which song you wanted your first dance to be, and he remembered hearing you bounce between songs, finding it difficult to settle on one. Connor himself was never decisive and always insisted that you would make the better choice on everything, but he distinctly remembers seeing your face light up with so much joy once he suggested this song. Even after all these years, he didn’t think he’d ever be able to get this song out of his head. No, it would always permanently embedded in.

He stood up and extended his hand towards you.

“Dance with me?” he asked.

Looking around, you only noticed a couple other patrons in the bar who were keeping to themselves. You wanted to feel shy and politely decline his offer, yet the alcohol in you said that you couldn’t say no to a dance with him to this song. You placed your hand in his, and he pulled you into his embrace, wrapping his arms around your waist as your hands instinctively went behind his neck.

To anyone else, the two of you probably looked ridiculous dancing together in the middle of a dive bar, but you didn’t care because in your intoxicated mind, all you could do was picture the wedding with Connor that you’d always dreamt about. You looked away as a couple of tears quietly slipped down your cheeks, and you buried your face into his neck and pulled him closer, almost afraid to let him go once more. It was as though he understood your silent message when you felt his arms tighten around you, and he pressed a few soft kisses against the crown of your head.

“I hope you’re doing okay,” he barely whispered loud enough for you to hear.

“I. . . I’m not,” you answered truthfully. “I’m kind of lonely actually.”

He had a hard time swallowing the lump that was building up in his throat, and he hoped that you didn’t notice it in your haze. He’d always noticed the little things about you and having your head against him like this was almost too nostalgic for him to handle. While the current situation wasn’t exactly ideal, he was at least content knowing that he was able to see you once more. If anything, he wished he could have gone back and changed everything instead taking the easier route by breaking things off. He should have been more understanding of your situation and talked to you about it more, but it was difficult to be young and selfless.

It was the fastest three minutes you’d ever experienced. The song came to an end, but you couldn’t bring it in yourself to leave his embrace. As much as you hated to admit it, you missed everything about him－his touch, his voice, his smile. You pulled your head back to look at him one more time, savoring the moment should it ever be your last. His brows were furrowed and eyes wandered over you, taking in every little detail they could. His licked his lips and opened them, as if to say something to you, but instead, he leaned down to gently kiss you. Your eyes closed, and you felt yourself relaxing into him. There was no teeth or tongue, just an innocent kiss full of love for you. He was too quick to pull away, and you almost whimpered at the loss of contact. You absolutely craved him at this point, and you weren’t sure if it was just the tequila talking.

“I still love you,” he confessed.

Nearly gasping, you slowly pulled yourself out of his arms and stood back. You started to fidget and twiddled your fingers together, finding it difficult to look for the right words to say to him let alone breathe. There’d always been a part of you that hoped he would one day say those words to you again, and now that you’d finally heard them, you had no idea what to say back to him.

“You. . . You don’t know what you’re saying,” you nervously responded. “You’ve just had too much.”

He grabbed your hand and rubbed his thumb across your knuckles, trying to calm you down. His other hand cupped your cheek wiped away stray tears falling down your face, peppering your jawline with soft kisses. He knew he had to tell you. He wouldn’t have been able to wait any longer for the chance.

“No, I haven’t had that much actually.”

“Connor. . .”

“I ain’t even drunk. . . And I’m thinking about how I need your love.”

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[abschaumno1]

AbschaumNo1′s Big Catchup Post of All the Fic You Missed

Okay so since I am back on my old bs apparently (for however long it lasts) and I just realised that I haven’t posted links to my fic since the beginning of 2017, I thought I’d do a bit of a roundup of all the fics I posted since then.

There are 59 of them since New Year’s 2016/17 (and no I don’t know who let me do that either), sorted here by fandom and then grouped together by series or pairing. Fic titles link to the fic on AO3.

Assassin’s Creed

Malik Al-Sayf/Altaïr Ibn La’Ahad

All That Still Needed To Be Said 

Altaïr and Malik had a system.

Football RPF

Jakub Błaszczykowski/Łukasz Piszczek

You’re Driving Home For Christmas

Lukasz and Kuba celebrate Christmas together

Hermitcraft RPF

Hermitcraft Fantasy AU

Meetings (Gen)

Doc found the man in a tavern

An Unexpected Journey (Tangpulse, Minor and Background Relationships) WIP (Chapter 10/? posted as of the making of this post)

Xisuma sends Tango to talk to a potential new Hermit. Neither of them expects the journey that follows.

Home Is Where You Are (Tangpulse)

Tango and Doc are late to return home from their trip to the city. Tango just hopes he won't miss his and Impulse's anniversary completely.

Natural Phenomena

Meadows of Heaven (Scarian)

Grian and Scar get stuck in the rain on a resource gathering trip.

The Oncoming Storm (Gridoc)

Doc and Grian watch a storm coming in.

Let The Rain Come Down (Xisuma & Evil Xisuma)

Evil X discovers rain.

Finding Home (Zedaph/Tango/Impulse)

In the beginning all was chaos. But then the worlds were built.

Gridoc

Realisations

Five times Hermits see Doc and Grian together and have to realise that they may have gotten some false impressions.

Now The Armour’s Wearing Thin (3/3 Chapters)

Grian wasn't initially worried when Doc started to work on Area 77, but after he wakes him from a nightmare he starts to think that he should maybe figure out what's going on.

Keralis/Bdubs

Campfire Nights

In which Bdubs and Keralis are close and Bdubs is clueless until he's not. Neither of those make talking to Keralis about it any easier.

Zedaph/Tango/Impulse

The Bunny Slippers

The bunny slippers were supposed to be a joke gift. Little did Impulse and Zedaph know how much Tango would actually love them. 

Hockey RPF

Back to You (Brent Seabrook/Andrew Shaw)

Your Love Will Take Me Home (5/5 chapters)

Andrew doesn’t usually go for team mates. But Seabs… Seabs is hot and Andrew will be damned if he’s not everything he’s looking for in a guy. And it’s just flirting, it’s not like there’s anything more going on between them. Or is there?

You’ve Got To Give Him Some Faith - Hold Him Tight

Andrew comforts Brent after the Hawks lose against the Stars.

Brothers Under the Sun (Brandon Bollig & Andrew Shaw)

A story in five joke mugs (and one non-joke mug)

A Night to Remember

Andrew surprises Brent for his thousandth NHL game

Together - A Family

It's Brent's birthday.

Le Ciel À l’Infini Embrasse l’Univers

Andrew and Brent take Pricey up on his offer to visit.

You Know I’ll Be There

‘When did we adopt Lehky?’ Brent texts Andrew as soon as he sees the photo.

You Can Depend on Me

Andrew seeing his family when the Habs play in Chicago

I’ll Fly Like An Eagle (Jesperi Kotkaniemi/Victor Mete)

Jesperi has a problem, Andrew has advice, and Victor has no clue (until he has)

Someday I’ll Be Where You Are

Three years after being traded to Montreal, Andrew is traded once again. This time he gets to go back home to his family.

You Were There When I Needed You

They tell the kids on Boxing Day

Skate Date Verse (Brent Seabrook/Andrew Shaw)

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

‘I slept with Shawzy’ is all Seabs' text says, and… okay that’s not quite what Duncs expected. ‘Good for you’ he texts back, because well, what’s he supposed to say to that? ‘No. I SLEPT with Shawzy’

Your Best Shot

Andy and Brent spend their date night at Top Golf. It gets a little derailed.

The Hawks Cuddle Collection (Gen)

Tonight We Are Victorious

The Hawks cuddling after the win in Florida on November 24th 2018.

A Warm Welcome

Dylan has his first practice in Chicago. But the real cool stuff happens away from the ice.

A Welcome Surprise

Collin hadn't expected the cuddle piles.

Alex Debrincat/Dylan Strome

Not Your Fault

After the game Alex lets Dylan stew.

Brent Seabrook/Andrew Shaw

The Beginning of Forever

Andrew Shaw moves in with Brent Seabrook, falls in love, and accidentally marries him. Not in that order.

Brent Seabrook has a bunch of idiot friends, a husband he married accidentally, and three kids to worry about. Or maybe things are easier than he thinks.

Either way they're stuck together, so they better make it work.

Let’s Take On The World Together

The first Andrew sees of Brent Seabrook is a glimpse of broad shoulders and a sweaty face with a beard. Luckily it's not the last he sees of him.

Take A Chance On Me

It took Andrew all of five minutes while walking from his first lecture to where he was meeting Saader to dig up everything he could find on Brent.

In which Brent is a TA for one of Andrew's courses and they fall in love.

Brent Seabrook/Jeremy Colliton

We’re Breaking All The Rules

Brent and Jeremy have an arrangement. Then Duncs finds out

Carey Price/P.K. Subban

A Bigger Heart I Have Never Seen

No one does Christmas quite like P.K. does

Connor McDavid/Dylan Strome

Christmas Cuddles

Connor and Dylan don't get much time together over Christmas but there's always time for cuddles.

Corey Crawford/Trevor van Riemsdyk

Second Chances

As nice as it is to have so many Ex-Hawks around he already knows, Trevor can’t help but think that it would be easier if he didn’t have the constant reminder of what he doesn’t have anymore.

Duncan Keith/Brent Seabrook

Second Chances

What Dylan and Alex didn't expect when they introduced their dads to each other was that they already knew each other.

What neither Brent, not Duncan expected was to find out that things in their lives might have gone differently.

Duncan Keith/Jeremy Colliton

Let Me Take Care Of You

Jeremy figures out quickly that Duncs does a lot to take care of his teammates. It takes him a bit longer to figure out that Duncs needs to be taken care of, too.

Kyle Dubas/William Nylander

A Deadline Is Not The End At All

William Nylander was without a doubt the worst student Kyle had ever had.

In which Kyle supervises Willy's thesis, Willy doesn't actually show his work before the deadline, and feelings develop.

Leon Draisaitl/Connor McDavid

“Let’s Go”

After Game 5 against the Ducks

One Out Of 80 Million

Connor goes to Germany with his friends, gets lost and finds a handsome stranger

A Boy Worth Fighting For

There's three sensible survival instincts: to flee, to play dead, and to fight. Connor needs three tries to find the right one.

Let Me Worry

Connor denies that his ankle hurts

I Sang About You The Whole Time

There’s a playlist Leon has that he kind of hopes no one will ever find out about.

You Should Come Up For Coffee

Connor asks Leon to come along to dinner with Alex and Dylan. Realisations are had.

The End of Summer

Shocked But Fighting

Connor goes down with a knee injury.

Set during/after the game in Calgary on 7th April 2019

Leon Draisaitl/Milan Lucic/Connor McDavid

Let’s Start A New Tradition

There were lots of things Milan expected when he came to Edmonton. This was not one of them.

Acting Tough

Leon's a little fidgety, playing with the strings of Connor's hoodie, and his voice is soft when he says, "So I think I'll tell my family." "Yeah?" Milan asks. "Yeah."

Michael Latta/Tom Wilson

Christmas Morning

Christmas is not the same without Latts.

Patrick Kane/Jonathan Toews

Gift wrapping and a nutcracker

Patrick’s first reaction to the video of the gift wrapping competition is to laugh.  

Saving You, Saving the World

It's the day before Christmas and Patrick gets to save Jonny's ass from a nefarious kidnapping plot. Again. He doesn't know what he did to deserve this.

Le Moose-bouche

Jonny quits hockey, becomes a chef and moves to Paris. Patrick is with him every step of the way.

(Spin off of Let's Take On The World Together but can be read as a standalone.)

Les Misérables

Enjolras/Grantaire

Feast of Love

Grantaire had thought Enjolras would be a grinch, but he's everything but.

Marvel Cinematic Universe

Bruce Banner & Clint Barton

Stages of Grief

When they find Clint he is changed.

Bucky/Steve

A White Christmas

Steve gets Bucky back. A story in three Christmases.

A Hundred Years in the Making

Five times Steve only draws others + 1 time he includes himself.

The Raven Cycle

Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish

What To Gift A Dreamer

Adam wonders what to get Ronan for Christmas

[sridurgaastrologer4-blog]

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[leondraisaitlsglove]

If you were to put Connor and Leon in an AU, where would you put them?

I’m not a huge AU person BUT I have one idea that one gif set of Leon that sparked this

Leon is a some high Hollywood executive who moved from Germany to LA to get away from his psycho family. He hasn’t dated since his college boyfriend (who he planned to marry) was caught cheating on him 2 weeks prior to Leon’s planned proposal. That happened 3 years ago well Leon can count in his hand how many dates he’s been on since.

One evening he’s working late in his office and hears his boss complaining to a different executive about some crazy tv show pitch that’s going down in New York City that he’d love to have for their network. But it’s the week of Christmas Eve and he has two little girls at home he can’t drop everything to go fly to woo this crowd. Considering if all fails he’ll miss Christmas and it will be worth nothing.

Leon immediately volunteers himself to go. He has no family here. He’s spent the last three Christmas’ alone, getting drunk and watching Seth rogen movies on repeat for two days. This gives him a chance to focus on something meaningful instead of just how much his life sucks. His boss is super grateful and Leon is sent off to pack. Leaving the next day for NYC for a week in hopes of securing the show for their network.

But the flight he’s supposed to get on is over board so he’s transferred to the late flight. His headphones break and the shops are all closed in the airport. He’s grumpier than hell and tired just wants to get on the plane to start going. When they do board Leon’s sat next to some younger looking kid but Leon’s bad with ages so he’s probably only a year or two younger. The kids seems a little antsy during the pre boarding and the safety instructions but finally calms down enough that Leon feels like he can ask the guy a question once they when they are in the air.

Leon is now kind curious about the guy (and he’s not half bad looking either) now that they have a 6+ hour flights next to each other and Leon’s headphones are broken.

“You seemed pretty stressed about getting up in the air?”

“Uh yeah sorry man. Hoping to make it for my family’s pre-Christmas dinner tomorrow.”

“Oh you’ll make it.”

“Oh no it’s not in New York it’s in Toronto. My connection is in New York.”

“Oh damn well I get it now. You live in LA?”

“No just played a game here last one before our Christmas holiday.”

“Oh... you’re an athlete.”

“Something like that sure.”

“Oh cool.”

They end up chatting most of the plane ride only dozing off for half an hour intervals but finally landing in snowy New York City.

“Man I love this city. It’s also so insane Im excited I get to come back in a couple days.”

“Oh your connection again?”

“No we are playing the rangers on the 27th.”

“Oh... is that...basket-“

“No hockey.”

“Oh.”

“Canadian boy playing a Canadian sport what more stereotypical could I be.”

The thing is though Leon barely sorta kinda keeps up with hockey... well only cause his ex almost to be fiancé plays for the Nashville Predators now but the guys face is just throwing him off a bit. Can’t place him for what team either but doesn’t matter anyways.

“Hey if you’re still in town you should come?! It’s fun I promise you.”

“Sure yeah.”

They exchange numbers as the plane lands and say their final goodbyes as Connor goes to find his connection gate.

“Hope this works out and you can see how a real sport is played.”

“Me too.”

And as soon as Leon is down by the baggage claim and he looks up the rangers schedule he sees that the Rangers plays the Edmonton oilers on the 27th and holy shit he sat by Connor McDavid the whole plan ride without putting his name to his face holy shit and he’s hot too holy shit and he invited him to his game holy shit.

[sridurgaastrologer-blog]

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[ithacamoma]

20 QUESTIONS FOR: TAMMY SALZL

image courtesy of the artist and DC3 Art Projects

1.Name:

Tammy Salzl

2.Occupation(s):

Artist, Sessional Teacher in Senior Level Painting at the University of Alberta.

3.Where are you from and what is your education?

I was born in Edmonton, AB, into a gigantic dysfunctional family with 18 aunts and uncles, 42 first cousins and barely one parent. I spent my summers being tortured as an English speaking city slicker in French speaking prairie farm communities. Retreating into art and stories and animals was the salvation I didn’t find in the fundamentalist religion I was periodically thrown into. For my undergrad I did 2 years at ACAD (Now called AUArts), and finished my BFA at the University of Alberta.  I received my Masters in Studio Arts (Painting) at Concordia University in Montreal 2014 and have been expanding my practice to include video and multimedia installation since graduation.

4.Where do you live/work (neighbourhood/city/country)?

For the past 3 yrs I’ve been splitting my year between the Southside of Edmonton, AB. and Parc Ex in Montreal QC. I have family in both places, which makes this both possible and necessary.

5.Does your location affect your practice?  

Definitely! Emotionally, psychologically and logistically. I’m lucky to be able to spend time in both eastern and western Canada. Sometimes they seem like entirely different worlds and it’s a privilege to be able to step into both. It broadens my field of vision.

6.What is your favourite tool in the studio?

I have two favourite things. My glue gun, because I love glueing stuff, it makes me feel like a little kid again! I also love it when I have a fresh, unused brush in hand.

7.Where do you look for your source material?

Everywhere! Movies, books, (I love sci-fi books, and I just finished 2 books by Yuval Noah Harari - Sapiens and 21 Lessons for the 21st Century - so gooood!) mythology, ecology, weird/wondrous animals (like the barrel eye fish or the Aye-aye), bus stops, Edmonton’s River valley, back alleys in Montreal, weird stop motion animations, the fresh sights, sounds and smells that come with travel, looking at art and, occasionally, the bottom of my wine glass.

8.What is you daily art world read?

I email subscribe to a bunch of art blogs (like Hyperallergic and artdaily.org etc), and I also try to read Border Crossings and Canadian Art magazines, but honestly a lot of my art world reads come from instagram. Cuz you know… pictures.

9.What is your daily non-art-world read?

I love science and nature blogs. I really enjoy nature.com, naturecanada.ca,  futurism.com/, and for quick global news stuff I like Quartz Daily Brief. It’s hard…you don’t want to be ill informed yet it’s so bleak out there…I think overexposure to media can be harmful. I try to find a balance.

10.What role does writing play in your practice?

Sadly, not much. It’s an inescapable task for every artist, and one I dearly wish I could escape. That said, aside from the necessary evil of artist statement/proposal/grant type of writing, I sometimes play at creative writing. I make little one page tales that turn into paintings, or I write a short narratives based on something I’ve made. I’ll often have automatic writing embedded in my underpaintings, and if you look hard enough you can sometimes find traces of a word here and there.

11.What role does research play in your practice?

Because I peddle in tales, I research the history, culture, psychology, pop culture, philosophy of whatever traditional tale or mythology I’m referencing, and how others have interpreted those tales over time - even if I’m referencing something like Dr. Seuss. I often tie that into the research I do out of my interest in ecology and nature. For me, working representationally means there is intension in everything. I try to have layers of meaning and make work that engenders multiple interpretations. I research the symbolism and history of objects, places, animals, colours , etc. With my installations there is a lot of material research involved as well.

12.What role does collaboration play in your practice?

Since expanding my painting practice into intermedia work, I’ve done quite a bit of collaborating in the form of “I don’t know how to do this technical thing so I need to find someone who does”. It’s taught me a lot in terms of learning to communicate and work with others. As a solitary person, it’s a challenge for me, but I also find it incredibly rewarding and enriching. Also, a couple of years ago 4 female artist friends and I began an art collective called IFPP (incubator for phantom pregnancies) We’ve staged a couple exhibitions and have some upcoming shows, and it’s been really great. You learn a lot about yourself in a collaborative process, and it’s exhilarating ending up with this thing you helped create, but in a mind hive kind of way.

13.How does success affect your practice?

Ideas of success are pretty subjective, no? Speaking in terms of non-commercial success, I would say it helps drives my practice forward. It gives you the incentive and confidence to keep going, to make more, to take risks and think bigger. Sometimes commercial/monetary success can do the opposite because you’re expected to make more of the same, sellable stuff - to keep the formula and not colour outside those lines.

14.How does failure affect your practice?

Failure is an opportunity to learn, and can lead to amazing things. I suck at it. I can be super stubborn and fight with a painting that’s not working for days and days. I’m often my own worst enemy. I’m learning to walk away, to turn the bloody thing facing the wall and only come back to it when I can be more objective - when I’m in a better place to paint over the 100 hours invested and start over.

15.What do you identify as the biggest challenge in your artistic process?

My own stubbornness! My own rules and obsessiveness and need for control. I can get restrained by fear of making something ‘bad,' and I struggle to let myself play more, to let myself ‘fail’. I can get too caught up in my own head. I struggle with a lot of self doubt. A dear friend of mine recently sent me a beautiful quote by Robert Hughes in an attempt to assuage my doubt:

 “The greater the artist, the greater the doubt. Perfect confidence is granted to the less talented as a consolation prize.” 

I’m not so sure this is the case, but it’s nice to hear!

Also, like so many of us, I struggle socially and will hide in my studio rather than go to an art opening when I know I should be trying to make “connections”. Wine helps tremendously in all my struggles.

16.Who are some historical artists you are thinking about?

This fluctuates a great deal. I often find myself interested in artists I thought I didn’t like years ago, and will lose interest in artists I thought I loved. Art crushes come and go. I just bought a Frida Kahlo book and am rediscovering my fascination with her.

17.Who are some contemporary artists you are thinking about?

Everyone and no one in particular. I was in LA last January and saw an amazing Outsider Art show at LACMA. There was a piece by Greer Lankton titled, “Candy Darling” depicting a transgender actress who was featured in several of Andy Warhol’s films and was one of Lankton’s icons she looked up to as a trans woman. It’s exquisite with an edgy sexuality - totally blew my mind. I also saw some Mark Bradford works at The Broad that really surprised me. You have to be in front of them to understand how profound, beautiful, raw and sophisticated they are.

18.How do you describe what you are making now?

Right now I’m bouncing all over the place with various mediums. I’m working on a new series of oils, sort of taking the piss out of patriarchal old fables and the misogynistic way they portrayed women by retelling them through a contemporary lens. I’m also making a series of small, intricate “naughty fairies” made out of Sculpey (imagine tinker bell-like creatures going down on each other), some larger installation pieces that incorporate a variety of materials - video, sound, found and crafted objects, and I just completed my first short narrative video with footage shot on an artist residency I did in Norway last year. 

Sometimes I feel like I’m spreading myself too thin and there’s an invisible pressure to focus on one thing, but I’m a storyteller and I use whatever mediums best suites the tale. I think everything I do remains distinctly me, it all has connective threads. Generally I paint in the morning and move onto video and sculpture in the afternoon/evening. Painting is mentally challenging in a very singular way; it’s super humbling and I need a fresh, rested brain to do it.

19.Who is an artist that you think deserves more attention?

Oh man. Too many to count. Seems to me art world trends often translate into amazing artists not getting their due. I think Canadian artists in general deserve more of the international spot light. There’s so much talent here.

20.How can we find out more about you (relevant links etc)?

I keep my website pretty up to date, including upcoming shows and press links etc.

www.tammysalzl.com