#getting dramatised during retelling

[erytherion]

I knew watching it again would probably result in some different perspectives from when I watched as a kid, but I remembered the film really well already and wasn’t expecting anything particularly ORV-related to suddenly hit me out of the blue, but like. Right at the end. RIGHT at the end.

Sing-Shong (or Han Sooyoung and KimCom, if you’d rather - or maybe both!) really did put so much thought into everything that got included, didn’t they?

You could say that ORV itself is exactly the same to them as this story was to the Rose who shared her story - Jack’s story.

I guess the idea is that, without ORV, we would never have known about Kim Dokja at all, because nobody would have remembered him. Maybe without those specific people surviving, there would not be any other record of him at all. Maybe that is part of the change between what may have ‘actually’ happened and what we read. Maybe he really, truly is ‘just some guy’ trying to survive like Jack Dawson, but nobody even knew he was a part of their story in the first place? What we read is a story saying ‘he was there, here is evidence of him being there’, but maybe he was just like Jack, there unplanned and undocumented, even in the <Star Stream> itself.

And they are still there, telling every world line outside of their own: He was here too. We want to find him. As the only ones who know he was there - maybe without any statue, any documented heroism. Just like everyone in the background of the film, saving each other, dying together, trying to survive.

And a promise, of course, to never let go. Not of a hand, but of a promise: A promise to survive, to live to an old age, and die in a warm bed.

I think a young Kim Dokja would appreciate the kind of message that provided, even in film form. Or at least, it’s one Han Sooyoung (or Sing-Shong, if you’d rather) would consider would want to convey to her readers.

Maybe they don’t even have a picture of him either. Maybe the only record of him exists within their memories. And that was the only source they had with which to try and recreate the ‘him’ that they knew, whilst knowing that, as with the film Titanic, the story would out of necessity become somewhat dramatised to sell the story as plausible or to make it popular enough to reach him.

Anyways, this quote (from the movie transcript - couldn’t find screenshots to do it justice) was what really hit me the most as being relevant to his story, too. Since they were there too, in the theatre dungeon, on the Titanic. It being a fictional rendition of a historical event makes it even more relevant too, and even as a kid I wondered - how can everyone be so okay watching these people die so horribly? But it’s because it’s fiction, it’s fiction. But, in this case, was it? How much of it?

Interpretations of fiction could still be close to reality, in universes where these things did happen, in their reality. As history. So are the things we read, watch, play all the same, in the end? Artists’ renditions, dramatised documentaries, or similar? Fiction, yet also reality.

Like ORV. Fiction, yet reality. Always both and the same.

And they always say ‘it feels like a dream’, too. What do dreams count as? Fiction, or reality? The memories stay in your head from them too. Does that mean they are or are not real?

Just some guy dreaming of the helping his friends through the apocalypse, who came out of nowhere just like Jack Dawson on that ship, walking the fine line between fiction and reality that never had any distinction to him in the first place. It’s always been both, for him, with his story.

Anyways I am crying right now so feel free to cry with me! We have many tears with all these stories and histories, I think.

[lokidokieokie]

Tony Was Wrong.

Ahhh my first request!

Request: I really like this make more pls maybe where Tony’s sister comes back after years and meets dr. strange and they warm up to each other and later confess 

Pairing: Stark!Reader x Dr. Stephen Strange 

Warning: Slight use of language (nothing to bad really)

If there was one thing you absolutely hated about working for SHIELD, it was the fact that they loved to put you on undercover op missions.

This time you were tasked to go in, capture the bad guy, and get out. Simple really. “It will be quick,” they said; “In and out mission; a week tops,” they said...well, they were wrong. That conversation with Patchy took place two years ago.

Yep, that’s right...two years ago. “It will be quick,” my ass. Patchy will get a stern talking to about this.

At least you were done now. You did what every superhero does: caught the bad guy (who happened to be an old, bald Hydra dude) and saved the day. Woohoo! Time to go home to your annoying brother and the band of misfits.

After a stern talking to with Patchy over what his idea of quick is, you finally made your way to the Tower. 

Walking in through the doors like you own the place, you enter the elevator with one thing on your mind. Making an entrance. It had been two years after all. 

The elevator doors opened, and with a flick of your hair you spoke, “I’m back sweeties, and, I’m taking autographs.” 

Entrance was a success. But before you knew it, you were tackled to the ground, your back now on the floor. 

“You backstabbing, two-faced bitch!” That was not the welcome home you were expecting. 

Tony hugged you (much to the surprise of everyone) and whined, “You didn’t tell me you were coming home! I missed your annoying ass!” 

You giggled, “Have you heard of something called a surprise?” He groaned. 

“And I missed you too, you big dork.” 

You both stood up and turned back to face the group. You pointed to the spot in front of you, “The line for autographs starts here.” 

Everyone came running over, your quip about autographs seemingly forgotten. You don’t think you’ve ever received that many hugs in your life. 

After squeezing the life out of you, you relocated to the very comfortable couches in the common room, and began to retell your very boring mission in an extremely dramatised way; much to the amusement of everyone. 

“So, I know that this is a stupid question because I wasn’t here, but did anything exciting happen while I was gone?” 

Everyone just shrugged. “We found this magician guy over on Bleecker St. Goes by Strange. He’s nothing special, not worth your time.”

Big brother mode activated. You’d forgotten how overprotective he was. No one was good enough for you according to Tony. 

You frowned then grumbled, “You’ll never find someone worth my time.”

Tony just sighed, exhausted over starting this conversation again. You wiggled your way over to Natasha and put your head on her shoulder. 

She just pushed her fingers through your hair and whispered, “You’ll find someone one day, Y/n.” 

You sighed and began day-dreaming about one day. If only you knew how close one day would be.

You had been back at the tower for a while at this point, and nothing exciting had happened...at all. No missions, no pranks, Clint and Tony hadn’t been idiots. 

It was safe to say that you were extremely bored. 

So you can only imagine your reaction when gold sparks just randomly popped up in the common area. 

You quickly jumped up onto the coffee table and drew your gun, pointing it at the weird sparkles. “What is that?”

Tony just yawned, “It’s the magic man.”

“It’s Master of the Mystic Arts, douchebag.”

That was a new voice. It was deep, sultry, delicious...sexy. That voice could make you do things; very, very bad things. 

“To what do we owe the pleasure, oh mighty one?” The man just rolled his eyes. 

“The Sanctum was destroyed during a battle, and someone needs to stay in New York while it’s being fixed, hence why I’m here.”

Tony began walking out of the room, “Yeah, yeah, take whatever room you want.” 

You rolled your eyes and huffed, “I apologise for my brother.”

The man jumped. “I did not know you were there.” You just laughed. 

“The pros of being an undercover SHIELD agent.” 

He smiled, “I’m assuming you’re the reasonable Stark sibling, then?” 

You nodded your head, “Y/n Stark, the better Stark sibling, at your service.” 

He laughed. A nice, smooth baritone laugh. Sweet baby Jesus that laugh sounded like angels singing at the gates of heaven. You’d be avidly trying to get him to laugh during his stay at the Tower, that’s for sure. 

You were brought out of your thoughts by a yellow glove and his baritone voice. “I’m Stephen Strange.” 

You shook his hand. This was going to be an interesting few weeks. 

Over the next few days, you kept running into Stephen around the Tower, and acting like a blubbering mess. 

Like, there was this one time...

It was just your typical day at the Tower. Everyone was doing their own thing, and you were lounging on the couch, watching your favourite TV show, Sherlock.

If that man was real, you’d be all over him. Those sharp cheekbones that could probably cut through glass, his curly hair that seemed so fun to run your hands through-

“Am I seeing things or does that look like Strange?” Of course Tony would interrupt your ‘me’ time.

“I don’t see it.” You grumbled. All you wanted was to watch your favourite show in peace, without the commentary from your brother.  

“Yo guys, come here for a minute!” And ‘me’ time over, thanks Tony. 

Everyone was now seated on the couches around you, much to your disdain, and avidly staring at the screen. “Now does that look like the Bleecker Street magician or not?” 

A round of “yes” and “that’s creepy” were heard. You groaned, “It doesn’t look like him!” 

“Why doesn’t it?”

“For starters, Sherlock has curly hair, whereas Stephen has those two adorable grey streaks on either side-”

“So Strange’s streaks are adorable, huh?” Nat interrupted. 

You blushed, “I didn’t mean to say that.” 

“Well, that’s a first.” You had never spun that fast in your life. 

“H-hi Stephen,” you squeaked. All he did was laugh. 

Then, there was that time the cloak pushed you together. 

It was late, probably around 1am, and you were trying to navigate your way around the Tower in the dark. What? You were considerate to those who were asleep.  

Somehow you managed to stumble into the common area and walk straight into someone. However, just as you were about to hit the ground, someone (more like something) caught you, and pulled you back up. 

“Thank you-” You stopped. You didn’t expect to see the face of the Sorcerer Supreme so up-close...and God help you he looked even more delicious in the moonlight.

“I really didn’t do anything, it was all the cloak.” You chuckled. 

“Well then, thank you, Cloaky.” It seemed to preen under the praise and pulled you closer to Stephen. 

“Umm...” Of course this would be the time you became awkward. Why wouldn’t you lose comprehension of the world around you when you’re squished next to the sexiest man alive?

A blush made it up your cheeks as you felt Stephen’s hot breath on your face. “I’m sorry, Y/n. He’s not normally like this.” 

You smiled sheepishly, “T-that’s alright. No harm done.” 

No matter how hard you both tried (even though you were slightly reluctant to do so), the cloak refused to budge. 

“Looks like we’re stuck like this.” Your breath hitched. 

“To the couch?” He suggested. 

With a slight nod of your head, you both made your way (quite slowly) to the couch, and talked until you both fell asleep. 

It was safe to say that the team found you wrapped in Stephen’s arms the next morning snuggled up together, with the cloak nowhere to be seen. 

It was as if the universe was amused by you being a blubbering mess around him, and kept pushing you together because of it. 

But you didn’t mind it really, it brought the two of you closer together...and it was safe to say that you now have a crush on the ex-neurosurgeon. 

Not that you’d ever tell him that, of course. You’ve only known him for a few days. So all you could do was enjoy it while it lasts...

Alas, Stephen’s time at the Tower was now coming to an end. The Sanctum had miraculously been fixed and he had to return to his duties, much to your chagrin, of course. 

Opening a portal, he turned to the group of badass Avengers. 

“Stark, thank you for letting me stay here.” 

Stark nodded his head, “It was no problem.” 

He turned to you and winked, “I’ll see you around.” And with that, he stepped through the portal, closing it behind him. 

You were really going to miss him and his dreamy eyes. 

Just as you were about to leave, you felt something appear in your hand. 

Friday night, 7pm, Eleven Madison Park. I’ll be the one with the adorable grey streaks. ~ S.S

You smiled. Maybe someone was worth your time after-all. 

Tony was just going to have to get used to the fact that he was wrong. 

My laptop decided to die and I hadn’t saved this yet...had to rewrite everything. :( 

Probably not my best work, but oh well. 

Find my Masterlist here!

If you want to request do so here!

If you’re interested in requesting something with a prompt, you can find my prompt list here!

[kangel104]

INTRO!!!

This will hopefully be the first and last time I break character on either of my NSO blogs, but I felt it was necessary to post a real intro considering the things that will be posted on this account.

(TL;DR @ the bottom)

DISCLAIMER!!!

These blogs were created with the purpose of being a creative outlet for my trauma and mental illness. This means that some of the content on this page might be unpleasant for some people. If that's the case, don't view my blog.

To start things off...

16+ only, please. I want to create a safe space for as many people as I can, but I don't want to be responsible for influencing any kids into doing any of the things I speak about.

For anonymity, I'm not going to tell you my actual name, so please just call me Kangel or Ame, depending on the blog you are viewing.

I will do my best to always tag any possible triggers on my heavier posts, so please correct me if I miss a tag or incorrectly tag something.

TRIGGER WARNINGS!!

As I just mentioned, there will be a lot of triggering things posted on both of these blogs. Because of that, I'd like to compile what will be the most common trigger warnings to look out for on this page (will be updated as I post to remain accurate)

Mentions of grooming

Mentions of past trauma

Neglect

Fear of abandonment

Long rambles during panic attacks

Addiction

Abuse/toxic relationships

Intrusive thoughts

Self-harm

Mentions of suicidality

A Bit About Me

I like Jirai and the message it sends as it's something I heavily relate to. I don't have any jirai clothing yet, but I'm saving to buy my first item asap! I also really like vocaloid, visual kei, breakcore, and honestly most kinds of music haha.

If you couldn't guess, I really like NSO. The kind of person Ame-chan is really spoke to me. I've always wanted to take on a new persona online, and what better way than a Kangel blog! I'll speak a little more on the roles of each blog later, tho <3

I really like RPGs like Persona and Final Fantasy as I grew up playing both. They're both really comforting games for me.

I suspect I have Autism and either BPD or bipolar. I'm in the process of trying to find a psychologist to get an assessment and confirm my suspicions, but it's hard to find anyone where I live.

The Kangel blog!

This blog is where I'll post my lighter content. It's my distraction from my actual life and is only there for me to pretend I'm someone else. This means that while I'm on the Kangel blog, I'll do things like write in American-English as it's another layer of disconnect from my real life.

There will be much less triggering content on this blog, but there will be an occasional vent post, but that will likely be written in the style of the in-game vent streams and tweets. That means it will likely be a bit dramatised to sound entertaining. Those posts will still have tagged TWs regardless.

The Ame-Chan blog!

This blog is like the priv Twitter account that Ame has in-game. Darker posts will go here, and almost everything will be a vent of some kind. If I feel it's necessary, I will also add a 'check the tags' disclaimer at the beginning of the post so you can decide whether you're in the right headspace to read that post.

This blog is essentially a public diary, which means there will be a lot of in-depth description of my current state and any retelling of past trauma. "Traumadumping" about my childhood will be kept at a minimum though.

This also means that I will occasionally post about dreams I have. I rarely have good dreams, and they're almost always some kind of dream relating to trauma. These normally have a different list of TWs to look out for (including the original list).

I will list those below:

Kidnapping

SA (sometimes explicit, but I will likely never go into those details unless I found it particularly distressing. Those will always be under different tags, though)

Running away/homelessness

Survival game type story line

Physical abandonment

Murder

There will likely be more added as this account develops.

Both blogs, but primarily the Ame one, will occasionally mention a P-Chan. This refers to two different people, but I'll never disclose which is which. This is mostly for privacy.

P-Chan 1 refers to a real-life person I know and have a semi-toxic friendship with. If the bpd allegations turn out to be right, I'd assume they're my 'favourite person'.

P-Chan 2 is fake. They don't exist. They're a character in my head who is my ideal person. They exist so that I have someone to project my unhealthy obsession onto instead of the real P-Chan. This often also means posting the intrusive thoughts I have around P-Chan.

OUTRO!!!

I tried to keep this short while having as much info about this page as needed. I hope this can be a safe space for anyone who relates to me and wants to get to know me <33

TL;DR

Mentally ill girl creates blogs to ignore her problems and vent while staying as anonymous as she can. Triggering posts galore, but it will be tagged to the best of my ability

[jaijaicontextualstudies2001]

The Uprising of Proletariats during Different Modernities, and How They Influence Filmography.

The term 'proletariat' is most known for getting recognition in the Communist Manifesto written by Marx and Engels (1884) (Marx, K. and Engels, F. (1963), Beilharz, P. (2016), Zedian (2020)), however upon my research I discovered that the term 'proletariat' has dated back to ancient Rome (Zedian (2020), Beilharz, P. (2016)) and was not the invention of Marx as I initially believed.

Beilharz (2016) says that 'proletariat' is of Latin origin, to which it was revived by Marx in his manifesto. It comes from the word "proletarius", and was a word in the Roman census designated to citizens who had nothing to offer the state (Beilharz, P. (2016), Zedian (2020)). These poor and landless freemen (Zedian (2020)) were also known individually as "proletarii" (Beilharz, P. (2016)), and were seen as the lowest rank among Roman citizens (Zedian (2020)). The Marxist proletariats were having political struggles between the bourgeoisie (Marx, K. and Engels, F. (1963), Beilharz, P. (2016), Longhurst, S. (2017), Zedian (2020)) was no different in ancient Rome, where there was a political struggle between the proletariats and the plebeians (Marx, K. and Engels, F. (1963), Zedian (2020)). The same struggle between the rich and poor, centuries apart, helped legitimise Marx's claims that class struggle has always existed and, was when he wrote the manifesto, a present one (Marx, K. and Engels, F. (1963), Beilharz, P. (2016)): a constant cycle of struggle that motors the world.

Another similarity of the economic category of Roman proletariats and Marxist proletariats were the people that were placed in such category. Yes, the majority of them lived in poverty and were "working-class", and also a sub-category known as "lumpenproletariat" (Marx, K. and Engels, F. (1963), Beilharz, P. (2016)). These were individuals who had irregular work, and were often criminals (Beilharz, P. (2016)). Now, I worded 'lived in poverty' and not poor as it is a misconception that everyone labelled, particularly Marxist proletariats, were not all poor; some were from an entrepreneurial class and were not wealthy for their class bracket, or were of labour aristocracy (Zedian (2020)). Either way, the proletariat struggled with new oppressions from new oppressors of different modernities. This is expressed in Longhurst's 'Introducing Cultural Studies' (2017) who writes class inequality as being in all societies (except from primitive communist societies). It has "always been the basic and fundamental contradiction that some members of society have owned and controlled the means of production, a characteristic that has given them power over the remaining members of society, who, in order to make a livelihood, participate in production on terms and conditions set by these owners" (Longhurst, S. (2017) p.95).

What is interesting about the proletariats in both modernities is how there was a significant uprising or revolution of the poorer class against the wealthier one. In ancient Rome, the slave revolution - or just slave revolt - lead by the infamous Spartacus; a slave turned gladiator who lead a revolt of escaped slave rebels against the Roman Republic (Mckenna (2023)). In the modern world of visual technology, the story of Spartacus and the Gladiatorial War (Mckenna (2023)) against the Roman Republic has be retold through filmography. Arguably the famous depiction of the story is Stanley Kubrick's 'Spartacus' (1960). Uniformly, near the beginning of the Industrial Revolution, a groups of rebels known as the Luddites collectively destroyed the loom machines that displaced them in the industry (Brain (2018)). Lead by King Ludd, they operated at night and were usually masked (Brain (2018)). This has been made into re-dramatisations within TV shows and documentaries like 'Luddites' (1988) by Richard Broad. The retelling of working class rebellion has infiltrated into fictitious film and tv show plots, usually in a form of a dystopian world.

Snowpiercer (2013) directed by Bong Joon-Ho, CJ Entertainment

One well known film that depicts a lower class revolt is 'Snowpiercer' (Bong, (2013)). After an ice-age caused by humans trying to combat global warming, the remaining population who have not frozen to death board a train called 'Snowpiercer'. However, the wealthy are placed in the front carriages, living in spacious quarters and being able to experience life's pleasures as they did before living on the train. Their children were also able to have an education with a carriage set at a classroom (Bong, (2013)). In the tail end of the train, the poorest of the population are crammed in one carriage, unwashed, and their clothes ragged. They are giving protein jelly bars as the only form of food by the soldiers that guard their carriage, whereas the wealthy have fresh food and sushi (Bong, (2013)). The 'proletariats' in this situation form a revolt, lead by Curtis, to get to the front of the train, and demand a more equal quality of life (Bong, (2013)). Throughout their revolt they combat soldiers and the rich to get to the engine, unfortunately most of them died in the process; died fighting for a better life. This proved in vein as the train got destroyed, and the only survivors being two children from the back end of the train (Bong, (2013)).

High Rise (2015), directed by Ben Wheatley, StudioCanal

'High Rise' (Wheatley, (2015)) is another excellent portrayal of class struggle, and a lower class revolution. The whole film is set in a newly built apartment block, the working-class population live in the lower floors, again like in 'Snowpiercer', more crowded than the rich that live in the highest apartments. A grocery store that is the whole of the 15th floor is the only thing that separates the two classes (Wheatley, (2015)). There is a constant tension between the classes, and the tension erupts into an aggravated break out between them. The wealthy killing the poor and the poor killing the wealthy. Similar to the ending of 'Snowpiercer', it causes a mass destruction of the apartment block they all lived in. It sends survivors into a post-apocalyptic setting: trapped in a destroyed building, not being able to get in or out, unable to have access to food or water, and in some cases having to eat their pets (Wheatley, (2015)).

Joker (2019), directed by Todd Phillips, Warner Bros Pictures

The last film I am using as an example of uprising of the proletariat influencing filmography is Joker (Phillips (2019)). Set in 1981, the working citizens of Gotham demand for change and the elite wealthy class looks down on them, and sees them as a burden to society (Robinson, J (2019)). The anger of the working class is symbolised in the broken character of Arthur - Joker - until it reaches a breaking point, and the working class retaliate. This becomes prevalent after the deaths of three wealthy men the state pins on the working class, labelling them as criminals. As Arthur was the murderer he is seen so by law and by the elitists, The working class sees him as a liberator for their people (Phillips (2019)). By the end of the film, the streets are filled with exploited citizens in clown masks rioting in the streets, destroying property, and even murdering wealthy people such as Bruce Wayne's parents (Phillips (2019)).

In conclusion, the uprising of a form of a proletariat class is evidently as old as time: a constant cycle that never seems to go anywhere and somehow ending up at square one again. Whether it is heroic or foolish, it is a reality that has been translated into modern filmography, and usually set in a dystopian reality in films. This then raises questions: are we actually living in a form of dystopia? Does the exploitative nature of capitalism create a dystopian lifestyle that we are not aware of as we are used to this life? Will the proletariats of society ever successfully overrule the plebeians, the bourgeoisie, the wealthy classes of society? Another thing to note, especially regarding filmography, is how the uprising of the working class leads to a very violent mass destruction of society. So, then, does that implicate that the 'proletariats' are destined to fail when fighting for a more equal living, or are these capitalistic films produced in a capitalistic society stating the potential dangers of a more socialist society?

Bibliography: Books, Reviews, Articles

Brain, J. (2018) The Luddites, Historic UK, The History and Heritage Accommodation Guide

Beilharz, P. (2016) ‘Proletariat’, The Blackwell Encyclopaedia of Sociology. Oxford, UK: John Wiley & Sons, Ltd

Jimenez Gonzalez, A. (2022) ‘Law, Code and Exploitation: How Corporations Regulate the Working Conditions of the Digital Proletariat’, Critical sociology, 48(2), pp. 361–373.

Longhurst, S. (2017) Introducing Cultural Studies, Introducing Cultural Studies. Routledge.

Marx, K. and Engels, F. (1963) The Communist manifesto of Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels. Edited by D.B. Ri︠a︡zanov. New York: Russell & Russell.

Mckenna, A. (2023) Spartacus, Encyclopaedia Britannica Online. Encyclopaedia Britannica Inc.

Robinson, C. (2019), ‘Joker’ Exposes the Broken Class System That Creates its Own Monsters, www.peoplesworld.org

Savage, M. (2015) ‘Introduction to elites From the “problematic of the proletariat” to a class analysis of “wealth elites”’, The Sociological review (Keele), 63(2), pp. 223–239.

Zedian, A (2020) ‘Proletariat’,  Encyclopaedia Britannica Online. Encyclopaedia Britannica Inc.

Bibliography: Film

High Rise (2015), directed by Ben Wheatley, StudioCanal

Joker (2019), directed by Todd Phillips, Warner Bros Pictures

Luddites (1998), directed by Richard Broad, Thames Television

Snowpiercer (2013) directed by Bong Joon-Ho, CJ Entertainment

Spartacus (1960), directed by Stanley Kubrick, Universal Pictures

[mollysgoldilocks]

During the Critical Evaluation session, we were asked to create a mind map of all of the things that we as practicing artists are interested in: whether that be materials, ideas, concepts, colours, themes, etc. Usually, mind maps for me can look extremely busy and complicated with multiple arrows connecting each idea and trying to link them back to the core concept. However, I think the most useful way of considering a mind-map is just a collection of notes, ideas, words and phrases that come into mind when I think about my own work and my own interests.

My brain works similar to a mind-map. I have all of these different connections that I’m constantly making with ideas and themes, yet I never really physically note them down - or if I do, they’re on a scrap receipt that I end up throwing away. I think of them, give myself a pat on the back for connecting the two together and then go about my day. Little of what I consider to be good connections end up actually being discussed and explored in more depth. I get too caught up in making sure my work has strong connections between each idea, rather than considering that the weaker connections might actually be the most interesting to explore.

I do most of my “thinking” on paper: when I’m writing, or more specifically typing (as it’s faster for me), connections seem to make themselves more visible, or perhaps I don’t give myself the time to think when I’m away from my computer. The act of typing my ideas and having the ability to connect them instantaneously, move ideas around and section them off easily helps to consolidate the stream of consciousness I have when thinking about all of the different aspects that my work deals with. 

To some, they might seem quite shallow. Yes, I’m interested in the aesthetics of staging, theatricality and Renaissance dramatisation. For a while, I did worry that my interests were too shallow in terms of their influences - why did I like these aesthetics? Why did I enjoy looking at snapshots that portray some sort of active scene in a static form? I honestly couldn’t answer it. Right now, I don’t even think I can articulate why these are my interests in their purest form - I can’t pinpoint exact reasons why I like my work to take on this form. I often just say “aesthetics” - which of course is true, but I know surely that deep down there is more of a reason for my interests, which I am slowly uncovering and learning as I consolidate all of my ideas together.

In my mind-map, I was able to uncover a few of these interests and make the necessary connections that help me to piece together my artistic practice. I started with a main element, which has been an interest for a few years, yet I’ve only just started to explore it in more depth: staging, and the theatricality of drama. This staging concept I feel has huge scope for work: the ability to create worlds within worlds and bring them to “life” eases the pressure of painting or creating straight from memory; having staged sets and staged worlds that exist in one form before they exist as a painted form. The performativity of the self is a concept that I’ve recently realised is quite prevalent in my work, and one that I wasn’t really aware of before. I started to use myself in my work as the reference character because I was too nervous to work with other people and get them to “do what I wanted” for lack of a better term. If something wasn’t exactly as I planned - how would I ask them back to do another shoot? Did I rely on them to create the work that I wanted? The only way that I could think to combat these was to work solo, prompting my interest and desire to create, and be, by myself and for myself. I realised recently that the performativity of the self, exploring the ability to become different versions of the self and Shakespeare’s “All The Worlds A Stage” were integral to my practice and why I do things the way I do; the DIY and the self-created. The ability to work with costumery and props to create different characters with only myself pushes my confidence and self-comfort. It might seem self-obsessed, but in the words of Richey Edwards from the Manics “self disgust is self obsession”, and I feel that hating oneself is as self obsession with loving oneself: the central and pivotal part of that being the inclusion of the self. Whether my obsession with myself being the sole creator is through disgust or love, the result is the same: I want, selfishly, to be the one that creates my work, and only I. 

Exploring more deeply the sense of being, the idea of becomingness and painting as a way of becoming is very integral to my practice and the reason why I am set on creating a painting as the final display. Translating objects, props, concepts and core ideas through different mediums and seeing the effect each medium has on the reading of the prop and concept is entirely interesting: taking a prop that exists in the real and translating it into a digital medium, then back again to the real through the act of painting. The becoming of this object through the medium of the paint, bringing it back into the real yet not. It is real, yet it is a symbol of something real. The consideration of the real and whether there is a true real at all is a concept I’ve explored through a few essays and continues to influence me and how I work. The digital/real spilt, especially within society, really sums up my practice as a whole. I use the digital and the real to create a body of work, and without the other my work could not exist. So within my practice, the digital and the real are as important as each other in the existence of my practice, which is interesting, as is the question of whether my work exists within both the digital/real simultaneously, or whether my work exists within the purgatory between the two states: whether it is considered a real or a digital product. 

For my Research in Practice essay concerning the modern trend of Accidental Renaissance imagery and comparing that to Classical Art Memes, I discovered my interest in the reason that memes are viral: using a commonality as a basis for collective understanding. Using the collective knowledge as the core of the meme, the meme then become viral by playing on this shared knowledge. This got me thinking about why I use fairytales as the basis of my work, when it doesn’t necessarily play a large part in the real concepts of my work. Honestly, I think the fairytale usage acts as a nice shell for me to create a world from: I don’t have to create the characters from scratch; instead I can adopt an imagined narrative that can be prescribed or not prescribed. A commonality in the aesthetics of my work, for example using the fairytale as like a mannequin for me to dress up in my own clothes, is the reason I think I am drawn to using well-known fairytales. Not to mention, they played a large part in my own childhood, and the performativity of myself is interesting to consider in terms of the relationship between myself and the fairytale. It poses a lot of questions: is it a retelling of the story? Is there something deeper? Why is the fairytale landscaped differently? Why is it painted instead of having a moving narrative? What does the freeze-frame say about the work, or the concepts, or the narrative? Is it really static, or is it hinting at something moving? 

Another point I considered within my mind map was the idea of the copy-and-paste culture: being online and having the ability to copy and paste any information that you find in seconds. The copying and pasting of words, stories, narratives is an updated way of word-of-mouth passing of fables and fairytales. Not only this, but the act of copying and pasting is used in my work in the most basic sense: I copy and paste reference photographs I’ve taken of my own props or my own world-creations and use Photoshop to arrange them into a staging set. So, the copying and pasting of narrative and stories, along with the actual copying and pasting of the files to create my practice, feeds into the digital/real concept: what is the real, and can the real be digital? We all have different versions of ourselves, that often we copy-and-paste from other people that we admire. I’m doing just that in a more literal sense both in the aesthetic creation of my work and the concept of the becoming of myself/my work.