#girls (gender neutral) when they remember they can actually post art

[crimsoncrim]

quick lovecore match icon set with a friend <3

[ragecndybars]

Ryoji hcs? >:3 he's a lil guy

>:3 just a little guy. we spend so little time with ryoji 😔 but that just leaves more room for imagination <3

Nonbinary Ryoji. This is a hill I will die on. Ryoji and Aigis have the exact same gender vibes to me -- 99% of the time, they just go along with their supposed binary genders, because they like presenting as masc and femme, respectively, but if someone actually calls them male or female, then suddenly they're like 😐 "Yeah... no." Ryoji says "I'm not a boy, I'm Death." in the exact same matter-of-fact way that Aigis says "I am not a girl, I am an Anti-Shadow Weapon."

The reason he gets along with Junpei so well is that, while he may not remember it at first, his whole perception of what it is to be "human" (or, more specifically, to be a high school kid) comes from the protagonist's perceptions... and their best friend is Junpei, so Junpei's whole idea of "the best friend ever" is literally just Junpei. And he wants to be the best friend ever too!!! So basically, his personality is based around his idea of what a friend is, and his desire to be Friend.

I think he also retained a lot of knowledge that the protagonist learned before they split apart, even if he doesn't specifically remember learning it. And, since I headcanon the protagonists as being very extensive databases of esoteric knowledge (specifically on the topics of music, the occult, and weapons in Minato's case/martial arts in Kotone's)... this also means that Ryoji can pop out completely random facts out of nowhere and even he doesn't know where he learned them.

Like, he and Junpei walk past the antique store in the mall and Junpei is like "Dude, look at that old-looking lute," and Ryoji is like "Common mistake, but that's actually a rebec; it's Arabic in origin and was historically quite popular in the Ottoman Empire :)" and Junpei is like "Oh, I didn't realize you were that into instruments, dude," and Ryoji is like, "I'm not! I just Know that :)"

One thing he doesn't get from the protagonist is his fondness for paintings. He can't put it into words, but he can marvel at just one painting in a gallery for ages. It's one of the only times when he can sit still without getting a little restless, lmao.

This headcanon is stolen from a fic that I wasn't able to find to link in this post (I'll add it in the replies or something once I find it!), but you know how Ryoji fully thought that he was just a normal human despite having no memory? Yeah, he was sleeping on the streets. He didn't even fully register that he was homeless -- or what it even meant that he was homeless. He just knew that he had nowhere to go (although he didn't have the context to consider that weird or scary; it was just a neutral fact to him), so he slept on benches or behind the station.

For a normal teenage boy, of course, that would be dangerous -- we've seen that even Shinji didn't have it easy on the streets -- but, every time that some wannabee delinquent took a swing at Ryoji, they broke their entire hand and arm on him, so they learned to leave him alone pretty quick. This was another thing that he didn't have the context to think of as odd.

He may be more or less indestructible in battle, but he is actually very wimpy when it comes to physical activity (same, Ryoji, lmao). He is absolutely right there with Junpei whining when they have to do a long run at school, or doubling over to put his hands on his knees after being forced to sprint short distances. (And then Junpei goes and gets all buff when he gets really serious about SEES and Ryoji is left alone in his Complaining Club with Kenji, lmao)

[thelaughingmerman]

I would love to hear your LCA headcanons!

Hi! I wasn't ignoring this ask I'm so sorry I 10000 percent just plain forgot it was in here (I think I opened it first on my phone while out and about and said "Oh fun!! I will answer this at home!" And that was when I forgot.)

I had a couple posts but I can't find them because I don't know what tagging is. Here are some things I do remember. Under a readmore because I wrote too much, spaced them all out with bullet marks:

-Freya is a lesbian, but not currently seeing anyone. She works A LOT. And spends a lot more time at the Station than she really needs to (though she's not Duke levels of bad). She's very dedicated to and loves her job, but it's a very stressful position. It's tiring a lot but she wouldn't give it up for the world.

-Clemmons is bi and lives with his partner. Like most everyone at the station, he works a 24 on, 48* off shift. He spends a lot of time exploring the city on off time. He's great with directions, and people person who usually remembers little details about friends and family they may have mentioned once in passing. This (coupled with his tendency to excel when given a task he's good at) made him the perfect candidate to tackle Freya's unique form of firefighting (it’s part of the reason she chose him for her team, and why she started sending him to get her wild list of firefighting supplies). While sort of bad at managing his own anxiety, he's really good at helping others manage theirs. He likes video games a lot too!

-Bob is questioning his gender and sexuality. He didn't know there were so many labels and now he's very confused. He doesn't have to figure it out right away. While he works the 24/48 schedule as well, he's most likely to give extra hours where necessary. Spends a chunk of his off days at the gym. Loves dogs and would like a dog of his own but with that schedule he knows it wouldn't be fare to the dog even with a sitter.

-Carol is a single mom. Her ex doesn't stay in touch and it's just fine for them really. As of last Christmas their family has grown by 2 (Guinea Pigs). Both Carol and Maddie really consider Mayor Fleck like family to them. Fleck isn't good with words on that sort of thing but he is very fond of them, yes. Fleck is a practical man, and this extends to gifts. The Christmas following the events of 'Small Carol' he gave Maddie her own 'special mayor pen' with her name on it. She loves it and keeps it safe in the box it came in when she's not using it.

-Frankie had a gallery show for his art once! He invited Duke, mostly so he could see his first collaboration piece, a self portrait with tire tracks across it. (Frankie Lupelli and Duke DeTain, Self Portrait with Tire Tracks, Mixed Media Acrylics on Canvas with LEGO Brand Tire)

-Big Betty is very close with her family. She has two young nieces (9 and 6) who she often babysits. Sometimes Hank will come hang out with her and her nieces too. They let the girls paint their nails and do their makeup and hair. The pair also actually go get their nails done together sometimes. Frankie has joined them on occasion. Vinnie came once but he complained.

-Hacksaw is gender-neutral and has no preference of pronouns.

-Wheelie is a gay trans man (and would really like to be called Wheelie like for the love of god why aren't we using this man's name, that's not a headcanon I'm just annoyed).

-Billy's cat (from Billy the Bug, we never see this cat again but Anne says he can keep it I have to assume this thing is still in the house) LOVES Mark. Mark has yet to fully come around but he has been caught once or twice patting the cat's head (like one small, barely even making contact) when it jumps onto the arm rest of his chair. Sanitizer used immediately after, but hey, baby steps.

This got wordy I'm so sorry I'll stop there for now.

I haven't researched what it's like elsewhere but here in America a lot of stations do a 24 on- 48 off schedule. Where teams work a full 24 hour day, then have two days off. I've made this the case for LCA as well?

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

perfect now - a close reading

only pure and true love for this one. it’s soft and sweet because the one he wrote it for is and needs cheesy uncool romcom soundtrack-worthy affirmations and it’s the most wonderful thing oh my the flurries 

some album booklet art for your viewing pleasure

((just a warning for below: while the lyric analysis was kept fairly neutral and close to the words and their meaning, more and more parallels did ensure me larrying out by the time the analysis kicked off so if you’re not into that, you can skip this one!))

⟼ check out @bluewinnerangel​ ‘s magnificent post with all the parallels to 1d/h&l bc it’s exhaustive and was a source for mine <3 thank you again for your service <3 bc this song really is a fanpiece of every song that has been important to them throughout their career so far, whether they wrote it or not, and it’s honestly kinda impressive

SUMMARY

you’re sad and i love you so much i will do anything to make that undone but while you’re sad know that i sill very much love you and you’re also strong enough to conquer all of this on your own but i’ll be by your side anyway

lyric breakdown ft. the many parallels, incl. little things, through the dark and wmyb

what this says about louis, his partner and the relationship he is in

never gonna dance again frenzy

identity 

louis is a marvellous majestic sonofabitch basically <3

walls, track 10

～ little things “you still have to squeeze into your jeans, but you’re perfect to me”

You don’t feel pretty and it’s hard to miss

You don’t feel pretty and it’s hard to miss

later lyric: “like a neon sign” - i see through you trying to hide away your insecurities

I wish that you could see my point of view As someone staring back at you

“you” is also staring at him, but perhaps is too insecure to realise how mutual the adoration is

i wish i could get you out of your own negative spiral and give you a look at yourself from my perspective

～ wmyb “everyone else in the room can see it, everyone else but you” 

～ wmyb “right now i’m looking at you and i can’t believe you don’t know you’re beautiful”

～ little things “you never love yourself half as much as I love you, and you’ll never treat yourself right darling but I want you to. If I let you know, I’m here for you, maybe you’ll love yourself like I love you”

On Friday night when we’re all out I turn to you and you’re looking down And you don’t wanna dance I know you love to dance You never stop given half the chance

heavy echoes of kmm again, but the opposite: the “nightmare on the dance floor” doesn’t want to dance

when “you” is confident rlly not being subtle with who i think that is, they love to dance <-> tpwk “feeling good in my skin, i just keep on dancing”

“i know you love to dance” = i know what you love bc i love you

“given half the chance” 

～ tpwk “giving/given second chances”

given a chance tattoo, making another appearance (see below for more tattoo meltdowns)

Just keep your head up, love, keep your head up

term of endearment <3 

～ dlibyh

this album is full of encouragement to keep going and as much as it gives me life it ruins me 

Don’t hide away, don’t ever change

“be happy, proud”

～ “just hold on”

“pick someone who’s supportive”

Keep your head up, love, keep your head up Don’t look away, don’t look away

don’t look away from me

～ through the dark “and I can see your head is held in shame”

Cause everybody’s looking at you now, my, oh my

they have the stage to themselves / new career paths they’re doing on their own

could also mean ppl they’re going out with are looking at them, which “you” interprets as sth negative, which makes them self-conscious, while they’re actually admiring them bc they steal the scene

～ wmyb “you’re turning heads when you walk through the door”

I guess some queens don’t need a crown And I know why Even when your tears are falling down Still, somehow, you’re perfect now

“you” is royalty to louis, to put it simply 

they don’t need something on their head to make it known to everyone else - they’re a queen and everyone knows it

gendered: female - also used in drag contexts - the only time L has used any gendered word to identify his partner on the entire album (more on this below)

～ steal my girl "she's been my queen since we were sixteen" can't believe i forgot this one thank you @mortalenemiestolovers for reminding me!!!

～ falling

～ through the dark “you tell me that your tears are here to stay”

You never do, but if you asked me to I’ll tell the truth lying next to you

“you” never asks for affirmations directly, but by saying shit like their pants are too tight make it clear enough to L that they do need to hear once in a while that it’s not true

Cause you’re the only one when it’s said and done You make me feel like being someone 

Good to you even at your worst

～ always you

i love you so much you are a force of life to me, and even when you hate me i want more

～ drag me down “If I didn’t have you there would be nothing left, the shell of a man who could never be his best. If I didn’t have you, I’d never see the sun. You taught me how to be someone” (sung by louis first, harry second) 

～ through the dark “even if you scream and shout, it’ll come back to you and I’ll be here for you

You steal the scene and it’s unrehearsed

reference to working on a stage - their natural presence wins everyone over - that charisma is never manufactured

Don’t you wanna dance? Just a little dance I’ll never stop given half the chance

L keeps encouraging them, will also not pass by any chance to dance with them

Every insecurity, like a neon sign, as bright as day If you knew what you were to me You would never try to hide away

“it’s hard to miss”

L sees through them trying to hide their insecurities, pretend to be strong

～ through the dark “but I know you were only hiding”

SYNTHESIS

Perfect Now is not a fan favorite and I am so not here for that discourse, so please do not pester me with negativity about this chocolate drop of a song. 

As others have pointed out, the parallels with other songs written by Louis, Harry or for One Direction are extremely present. Especially Little Things is echoed loudly, but there’s so much more to be read, as you’ve seen. These are songs that are clearly near and dear to Louis, bc he wrote them or bc performing them was special, like with Little Things and What Makes You Beautiful. A lot of the same emotions come back in Louis’s writing, so much so that you can’t help but see the larger story behind it all. Throughout Walls you can hear him singing about not giving up and holding your head high despite hardships, and if you look back at his earlier writing, it’s always been there. Through the Dark is an early and striking example of this style of Louis song: you’re sad and i love you so much i will do anything to make that undone but while you’re sad know that i sill very much love you and you’re also strong enough to conquer all of this on your own but i’ll be by your side anyway 

basically through the dark’s chorus:

Oh, I will carry you over Fire and water for your love And I will hold you closer Hope your heart is strong enough When the night is coming down on you We will find a way Through the dark

It is very clear that Louis is faced with a partner - I can freely say it’s Harry now right? are the antis gone by now? i think so - that struggles with his body, with his identity, with how he wants to present himself vs how opinions on that might push him down and dampen his spirit. Louis, always the supportive boyfriend, then tries his best to make him see the light, while keeping that space for his sadness, his struggles, or their joint struggles. Accept the sadness but don’t lose your heart to it.

I’ve linked @bluewinnerangel​ ‘s post at the start of this post, but I need to stress how good it is once more as I also shamelessly insert a screenshot from it here bc it makes me feel a lot and summarizes perfectly just how deeply Perfect Now is woven into the history of their lives, relationship and especially “you”s/Harry’s personal struggle with their identity/body/confidence...

Because yes, i absolutely think these tattoos are being echoed in the song. “Never gonna dance again” as a lyric and then as a tattoo on Harry’s legs like shackles around his ankles represents the sensation of shame, of being stuck, bc of your desires, bc of your sexuality. Obviously we can never know why Harry got the tattoo, as in what experience pushed him to choose those lyrics or what exactly he recognizes in himself, but it’s safe to say it’s about the struggles of being queer and navigating relationships with that identity and with others.

Most importantly, the sense of shamelessly dancing, dancing like no one’s watching, dancing together with your lover, as a celebration of self, life, love, is the key here. Harry got that tattoo ages ago, at a time when he undoubtedly felt way more stuck. When he couldn’t dance freely the way he wanted to and with whom he wanted to. Perfect Now is a reminder to him, an encouragement to still dance if he wants to, no matter what people say or think. Significantly, then, Harry’s own Treat People With Kindness heavily features that same sentiment, but in an extremely positive light: i have found a place (in life and in myself) where i feel like i have given and was given second chances and now i dance bc i finally feel good in my skin.

Louis has obviously been there from the start, or at least from when or before Harry properly started experimenting with/questioning how he likes to present and how he identifies as. Before he ever dared to consider pulling on a pair of women’s skinny jeans, never mind a ball gown. Louis has seen him limit himself as well as being limited by others ofc and has always seemed to have been there, with a secure hand on Harry’s back, to encourage him. Even at a time when boys wearing nail polish or skirts was unthinkable. Just remember how much encouragement Harry needed when growing out his hair; Louis literally joined him. yes this might make me cry okay i need to stop bc i’m going off track and this is just becoming a larry breakdown while i was trying to hype up this beautiful song. 

What I’m trying to say is: Louis has always seen all of Harry. He’s always had his back, no matter what. He’s loved every part of him. And now, on a completely gender neutral album, in the sweetest, softest song off of the entire thing, Louis puts in the word “queen”, and that is so very deliberate it makes me want to scream. It’s Louis confirming his love again and again while affirming the multitudes contained by Harry, including everything involving his gender journey. brb crying

It’s a raw Louis, an honest, sweet, kind, loving partner, and both of them are fucking lucky to have each other, and I also wish that all of us end up in a caring and wholesome relationship like that. I truly do.

[soundsfaebutokay]

So I've recc'd this video before, but it deserves its own post because it's one of my favorite things on youtube. It's a Tedx Talk by comics writer, editor, and journalist Jay Edidin, and I really think that it will connect with a lot of people here.

If you live and breathe stories of all kinds, you might like this.

If you care about media representation, you might like this.

If you're neurodivergent, you might like this.

If you're interested in a gender transition story that veers from the norm, you might like this.

If you love the original Leverage and especially Parker, and understand how important it is that a character like her exists, you will definitely like this.

Transcript below the cut:

You Are Here: The Cartography of Stories

by Jay Edidin

I am autistic. And what this means in practice is that there are some things that are easier for me than they are for most people, and a great many things that are somewhat harder, and these affect my life in more or less overt ways. As it goes, I'm pretty lucky. I've been able to build a career around special interests and granular obsession. My main gig at the moment is explaining superhero comics continuity and publishing history for which work I am somehow paid in actual legal currency—which is both a triumph of the frivolous in an era of the frantically pragmatic, and a job that's really singularly suited to my strengths and also to my idiosyncrasies.

I like comics. I like stories in general, because they make sense to me in ways that the rest of the world and my own mind often don't. Self-knowledge is not an intuitive thing for me. What sense of self I have, I've built gradually and laboriously and mostly through long-term pattern recognition. For decades, I didn't even really have a self-image. If you'd asked me to draw myself, I would eventually have given you a pair of glasses and maybe a very messy scribble of hair, and that would've been about it. But what I do know—backwards, forwards, and in pretty much every way that matters—are stories. I know how they work. I understand their language, their complex inner clockwork, and I can use those things to extrapolate a sort of external compass that picks up where my internal one falls short. Stories—their forms, their structure, the sense of order inherent to them—give me the means to navigate what otherwise, at least for me, would be an impassable storm of unparsable data. Or stories are a periscope, angled to access the parts of myself I can't intuitively see. Or stories are a series of mirrors by which I can assemble a composite sketch of an identity I rarely recognize whole...which is how I worked out that I was transgender, in my early thirties, by way of a television show.

This is my story. And it's about narrative cartography, and representation, and why those things matter. It's about autism and it's about gender and it's about how they intersect. And it's about the kinds of people we know how to see, and the kinds of people we don't. It's not the kind of story that gets told a lot, you might hear a lot, because the narrative around gender transition and dysphoria in our culture is really, really prescriptive. It's basically the story of the kid who has known for their whole life that they're this and not that, and that story demands the kind of intuitive self-knowledge that I can't really do, and a kind of relationship to gender that I don't really have—which is part of why it took me so long to figure my own stuff out.

So, to what extent this story, my story has a beginning, it begins early in 2014 when I published an essay titled, "I See Your Value Now: Asperger's and the Art of Allegory." And it explored, among other things, the ways that I use narrative and narrative structures to navigate real life. And it got picked up in a number of fairly prominent places that got linked, and I casually followed the ensuing discussion. And I was surprised to discover that readers were fairly consistently assuming I was a man. Now, that in itself wasn't a new experience for me, even though at the time I was writing under a very unambiguously female byline. It had happened in the letter columns of comics I'd edited. It had happened when a parody Twitter account I'd created went viral. When I was on staff at Wired, I budgeted for fancy scotch by putting a dollar in a box every time a reader responded in a way that made it clear they were assuming I was a man in response to an article where my name was clearly visible, and then I had to stop doing that because it happened so often I couldn't afford to keep it up. But in all of those cases, the context, you know, the reasons were pretty obvious. The fields I'd worked in, the beats I covered, they were places where women had had to fight disproportionally hard for visibility and recognition. We live in a culture that assumes a male default, so given a neutral voice and a character limit, most readers will assume a male author.

But this was different, because this wasn't just a book I'd edited, it wasn't a story I'd reported—it was me, it was my story. And it made me uncomfortable, got under my skin in ways that the other stuff really hadn't. And so I did what I do when that happens, and I tried to sort of reverse-engineer it to look at the conclusions and peel them back to see the narratives behind them and the stories that made them tick. And I started this, I started this by going back to the text of the essay, and you know, examining it every way I could think of: looking at craft, looking at content. And in doing so, I was surprised to realize that while I had written about a number of characters with whom I identified closely, that every single one of those characters I'd written about was male. And that surprised me even more than the responses to the essay had, because I've spent my career writing and talking and thinking about gender and representation in popular media. In 2014, I'd been the feminist gadfly of an editorial department and multiple mastheads. I'd been a founding board member of an organization that existed to advocate for more and better representation of women and girls in comics characters and creators. And most of my favorite characters, the ones I'd actively seek out and follow, were women. Just not, apparently, the characters I saw myself in.

Now I still didn't realize it was me at this point. Remember: self-knowledge, not very intuitive for me. And while I had spent a lot of time thinking about gender, I'd never really bothered to think much about my own. I knew academically that the way other people read and interpreted my gender affected and had influenced a lifetime of social and professional interactions, and that those in turn had informed the person I'd grown up into during that time. But I really believed, like I just sort of had in the back of my head, that if you peeled away all of that social conditioning, you'd basically end up with what I got when I tried to draw a self-portrait. So: a pair of glasses, messy scribble of hair, and in this case, maybe also some very strong opinions about the X-Men. I mean, I knew something was off. I'd always known something was off, that my relationship to gender was messy and uncomfortable, but gender itself struck me as messy and uncomfortable, and it had never been a large enough part of how I defined myself to really feel like something that merited further study, and I had deadlines, and...so it was always on the back burner. So, I looked, I looked at what I had, at this improbable group of exclusively male characters. And I looked and I figured that if this wasn't me, then it had to be a result of the stories I had access to, to choose from, and the entertainment landscape I was looking at. And the funny thing is, I wasn't wrong, exactly. I just wasn't right either.

See, the characters I'd written about had one other significant trait in common aside from their gender, which is that they were all more or less explicitly, more or less heavily coded as autistic. And I thought, "Ah, yes. This explains it. This is under representation in fiction echoing under representation in life and vice versa." Because the characteristics that I'd honed in on, that I particularly identified with in these guys, were things like emotional unavailability and social awkwardness and granular obsession, and all of those are characteristics that are seen as unsympathetic and therefore unmarketable in female characters. Which is also why readers were assuming that I was a man.

Because, you see, here's the thing. I'm not the only one who uses stories to navigate the world. I'm just a little more deliberate about it. For humans, stories formed the bridge between data and understanding. They're where we look when we need to contextualize something new, or to recognize something we're pretty sure we've seen before. They're how we identify ourselves; they're how we locate ourselves and each other in the larger world. There were no fictional women like me; there weren't representations of women like me in media, and so readers were primed not to recognize women like me in real life either.

Now by this point, I had started writing a follow-up essay, and this one was also about autism and narratives, but specifically focused on how they intersected with gender and representation in media. And in context of this essay, I went about looking to see if I could find even one female character who had that cluster of traits I'd been looking for, and I was asking around in autistic communities. And I got a few more or less useful one-off suggestions, and some really, really splendid arguments about semantics and standards, and um...then I got one answer over and over and over in community after community after community. "Leverage," people told me. "You have to watch Leverage."

So I watched Leverage. Leverage is five seasons of ensemble heist drama. It's about a team of very skilled con artists who take down corrupt and powerful plutocrats and the like, and it's a lot of fun, and it's very clever, and it's clever enough that it doesn't really matter that it's pretty formulaic, and I enjoyed it a lot. But what's most important, what Leverage has is Parker.

Parker is a master thief, and she is the best of the best of the best in ways that all of Leverage's characters are the best of the best. And superficially, she looks like the kind of woman you see on TV. So she's young, and she's slender, and she's blonde, and she's attractive but in a sort of approachable way. And all of that familiarity is brilliant misdirection, because the thing is, there are no other women like Parker on TV. Because Parker—even if it's never explicitly stated in the show—Parker is coded incredibly clearly as autistic. Parker is socially awkward. Her speech tends to have limited inflection; what inflection it does have is repetitive and sounds rehearsed a lot of the time. She's not emotionally literate; she struggles with it, and the social skills she develops over the series, she learns by rote, like they're just another grift. When she's not scaling skyscrapers or cartwheeling through laser grids, she wears her body like an ill-fitting suit. Parker moves like me. And Parker, Parker was a revelation—she was a revolution unto herself. In a media landscape where unempathetic women usually exist to either be punished or "loved whole," Parker got to play the crabby savant. And she wasn't emotionally intuitive but it was never ever played as the product of abuse or trauma even though she had survived both of those—it was just part of her, as much as were her hands or her eyes. And she had a genuine character arc. My god, she had a genuine romantic arc, even. And none of that required her to turn into anything other than what she was. And in Parker I recognized a thousand tics and details of my life and my personality...but. I didn't recognize myself.

Why? What difference was there in Parker, you know, between Parker and the other characters I'd written about? Those characters, they'd spanned ethnicities and backgrounds and different media and appearances and the only other characteristic they all had in common was their gender. So that was where I started to look next, and I thought, "Well, okay, maybe, maybe it's masculinity. Maybe if Parker were less feminine, she'd click with me the way those other characters had." So then I tried to imagine a Parker with short hair, who's explicitly butch, and...nothing. So okay, I extended it in what seems like the only logical direction to extend it. I said, "Well, if it's not masculinity, what if it's actual maleness? What if Parker were a man?" Ah. Yeah.

In the end, everything changed, and nothing changed, which is often the way that it goes for me. Add a landmark, no matter how slight, and the map is irrevocably altered. Add a landmark, and paths that were invisible before open wide. Add a landmark, and you may not have moved, but suddenly you know where you are and where you can go.

I wasn't going to tell this story when I started planning this talk. I was gonna tell a similar story, it was about stories, like this is, about narratives and the ways that they influence our culture and vice versa. And it centered around a group of women at NASA who had basically rewritten the narrative around space exploration, and it was a lot more fun, and I still think it was more interesting. But it's also a story you can probably work out for yourselves. In fact it's a story some of you probably have, if you follow that kind of thing, which you probably do given that you're here. And this is a story, my story is not a story that I like to tell. It's not a fun story to talk about because it's very personal and I am a very private person. And it's not universal. And it's not always relatable, and it's definitely not aspirational. And it's not the kind of story that you tend to encounter unless you're already part of it...which is why I'm telling it now. Because the thing is, I'm not the only person who uses stories to parse the world and navigate it. I'm just a little more deliberate. Because I'm tired of having to rely on composite sketches.

Open your maps. Add a landmark. Reroute accordingly.

[chromatic-lamina]

when is a mountain not a mountain?

I mostly just retweet art on Twitter. I don’t get involved in so much discourse (aka shit-storms), but for any Twitter folk who come over here, Japanese artists (not all) are still posting art of Yamato and tagging it (when they do)  Yamato-botchan ヤマト坊ちゃん (can be read as boy, young master, son). The screen cap below is from jisho.org. I’ll put the link in the comments.

Yamato-sama was used in the anime for Yamato’s introduction (the Beast Pirate underlings are using it, before urging each other not to let him get away). The English translation in the manga says: “Master Yamato!”, “Is that young Master Yamato?!”. I’m figuring that’s where the Botchan comes into it. (Just remembered I have that volume! Yes! Botchan is used—chapter 983, page 16).

It’s different from Doflamingo’s  “waka(i)sama” (that man ain’t innocent, nor all that young!). It is true that sometimes a female heir of a samurai family will be addressed with male suffixes, but other discussions on the tweet-board are using ヤマ男 (Yama-O, the ‘o’ is the ‘o’ of ‘otoko’, male), with the 男 kanji, as opposed to お or オ which are phonetic. This is also used with Law: Tora-O (トラ男 ) and Kid: Giza-O (ギザ男),  ヤマ男  is what Luffy has called Yamato. Like, that kanji means male. As a heads up, the One Piece wiki page includes 男, but not an explanation of it.

[Here Luffy says “Mate Yama-o,” or “Wait, Yama-o”]. Chapter 986, p. 12

[待て(imperative) and 待って(polite) (the things I learn. But both are kinda straightforward in that form).]

Anyway!, mostly people seem to be talking about whether Yamato’ll be joining the Strawhats or why there is such a strong connection to Wano (I’m not reading in-depth, and just reading in software translation). 

Of course, if I’m googling by the terms above I’m not going to get anyone who doesn’t recognise them, but as they are the actual terms in the manga, they are being used.

Yamato-kun (ヤマトくん) is used on some of the artworks or discussion too …

…(occasionally young girls are called this and in some other situations too, when they are older, but it’s pretty rare and usually reserved and used for boys). Also, Yamato-chan, but chan is not exclusively female, and it’s not unusual for this to be a friendly suffix for a boy’s name (Crayon Shinchan), although the artist might not be using it that way, or might be remaining neutral. 

Like, my level isn’t that high, so I don’t know if there is debate or not, and I’m looking at art, not meta, but I think people are still letting the story unfold and working with the information they have from the manga. Of course there will be a variety. Lots of folks don’t tag on twitter, and it’s also pretty difficult to search.

I’m not saying that—seeing as how the merch has, and other products have, basically confirmed it—that Yamato won’t ultimately identify as female, but I am saying that fanart/fic is transformative, gender can be fluid, and this is all of the story that we have so far, really. I also know some people feel invalidated, especially on twitter, and with good reason, so if that’s you, I dunno, maybe this is s little something. I’ll tag this yamato discourse if anyone wants to filter it out. Hope I haven’t added to anyone’s stress levels. Also, if I got anything terribly wrong with the Japanese above, let me know. No problem.

[lucky-dreamfisher]

Queer Subtext in The Illusion of Living - Part 1/3

This part focuses on the queer coding of Joey’s character. The next 2 parts will discuss Joey’s relationships with other male characters in the book.

Quotes from TIOL are transcribed in italics, screenshots are from “Gay New York: Gender, Urban Culture, and the Making of the Gay Male World, 1890-1940″ By George Chauncey.

He’s extremely vocal about his disinterest in women and shows zero hesitation about it

“I knew I had taken a risk with this game, and I could see it all over her face. She was falling in love with me. I took a step out to the side to create a bit more distance between us. Fortunately the bugle sounded soon after and we had to part ways.” TIOL, page 35

“I couldn't quite see what she was doing from where I was sitting, and I didn't want to get too close physically, didn't want to make the moment seem intimate. How many women have fallen in love with me because I got excited about something they said to me and got a little too close? I knew I was a catch. But I was meant to swim the seas alone.“ TIOL, page 166

And these are just two of the many, many similar remarks he makes in the book. Listing them all would require a separate post. He really makes sure to drive the point across.

He was bullied in the army for not being a “real man”, and pressured to find a girlfriend

“The men made fun of me: "Reading a romance there, Drew?" I remember Eckhart laughing through his mushy peas, bits flying out of his mouth and onto the dining table.  "What if I was?" I replied. "Only girls like fiction."” TIOL, page 62

“Novels fascinated me. I knew before Donaldson and Eckhart had teased me that supposedly men who were "real men." as someone, maybe Arch, had put it, read about real subjects, nonfiction.” TIOL, page 62-63

“Donaldson was convinced he could find me a sweetheart, even when I said I wasn't interested in one.” TIOL, page 28

More under the cut

When describing the pros of visiting a speakeasy, he uses a gender-neutral term “pretty people”, as opposed to “pretty women”

“Passwords, pretty people, paid-off police - you could feel wrong while not being particularly bad.” TIOL, page 43

Also worth asking ourselves why are “pretty people” among the things making him and his friends feel dirtybadwrong. Unless it’s the wrong sort of people that they found pretty.

The speakeasy itself had a very peculiar password too: “Sparkle Unicorn”. It was also located in the Meatpacking District, known for having a lot of gay nightclubs. While Joey doesn’t describe any openly homosexual behavior at the establishment, Nathan notes that his description of the speakeasy isn’t entirely truthful.

“Nate A: Can't not acknowledge the compliment here, I remember this night well. Though I remember it being at the Bee Room, gold and black, not silver as the main design aesthetic. Doesn't really make much of a difference though, I suppose.” TIOL, page 44

His best friend is a woman wearing men’s clothing (heavily queer-coded herself), who seems fully aware of his lack of interest in women

“It's invitation only, but I thought you could be my date!' I turned and looked at her but before I could say anything she added, "Nothing romantic, my darling, you don't need to run through the wall leaving a Joey-shaped hole in its place!"” TIOL, page 74-75

“I leaned in and placed a hand on Abby's knee. There was a gasp from someone in the audience, but I knew Abby wouldn't be flustered by it. That wasn't the nature of our relationship.” TIOL, page 89

He reacts negatively to a straight couple kissing in his presence

“There were a few whispered conversations happening at the edge of the room, one clearly flirtatious between a young man and woman dressed in absurdly shabby clothes. He leaned in and kissed the tip of her ear, and I found that to be quite ostentatious” TIOL, page 78

You may think that it’s because he’s old-fashioned, but no - he explicitly approves of Abby’s unorthodox behavior.

“She had really started coming into herself by this point and had even started dressing in a far more modern fashion, some would even call it scandalous.”

“What man are you stealing all these clothes from?” (...) "You don't like my new look?" she asked, returning to my question. "I don't know why, but it works for you." TIOL, pages 74-76

Abby is also described - alongside Sammy, as the only person who can understand “the Illusion of Living”, which seems to be Joey’s codename for the art of lying.

“I attempted to explain a bit of the Illusion of Living to him then, but I could tell it was too complex a concept for him to grasp in the moment. And I didn't need him to understand it profoundly. After all, I was steering this ship. My artists and writers don't fully get it either quite frankly. Abby and Sammy probably are the ones who best understand it and even then, it's not to my level” TIOL, page 209

How curious that the only two people in the world able to understand a philosophy that centers on projecting a false self-image to the public just so happen to be the two other characters with strongest queer-coding.

Bertrum interprets Joey’s comment as flirtatious

"Now don't you play hard to get," I said. I remember actually wagging my finger at him.Yes, definitely light-headed. "I'm not that kind of date," he replied with a hearty laugh, and I must admit I didn't entirely understand the joke, but I laughed too.” TIOL, page 209

Did you get the joke? Joey sounds gay - that’s the joke.

While I’m not too thrilled about homosexuality being treated as some sort of hilarious punchline to be laughed at, nevertheless it does show that Bertrum (and the author) notice the double entendre in their interactions.

He lives in Greenwich Village, which was a famous gay enclave in New York

“I knew it the moment I saw the dark outline of a strange figure silhouetted in the hall of my dripping Greenwich Village apartment building” TIOL, page 43

He owns a red bow tie, which was a sign of homosexuality in the 20s and 30s

“For my part the only red thing I owned was a garish bow tie, so that was all I was able to contribute visually.” - TIOL, page 82

[thesunnyshow]

Name: Cece

Writing Blog URL(s): @dreamsaboutnct

What fandom(s) do you write for?: NCT & WayV

Age: 17

Nationality: German

Languages: German, English and a little bit of French

Star Sign: Aries

MBTI: Virtuoso (istp-t) mind

Favorite color: Pastel pink and purple

Favorite food: Bell pepper filled with rice and tomato

Favorite movie: The Halloween movies / Wonder

Favorite ice cream flavor: Strawberry

Favorite animal: Pigs

Coffee or tea? What are you ordering?: Tea! I really dislike the taste of coffee

Dream job (whether you have a job or not): Dancer

Go-to karaoke song: Let it go - Disney Frozen

If you could have one superpower, what would you choose?: Mind reading

If you could visit a historical era, which would you choose?: The time before there was the Internet and much technology

If you could restart your life, knowing what you do now, would you? 

I probably would but i doubt that much would change

Would you rather fight 100 chicken-sized horses or one horse-sized chicken?

One horse-sized chicken because it's easier to run away from one thing rather than 100 things

If you were a trope in a teen high school movie, what would you have been?

The girl that just gives relationship advice without having friends

Do you believe in aliens/supernatural creatures?

Yes, aliens and demons/ghosts

What are some small things that make your day better? 

My cats, dancing and music!! 

Fun fact about yourself that not everyone would know?

I own a bowling pin with my name on it, I got it on my 9th birthday

When did you post your first piece? 

I don't remember but I think someday in may 2018

Do you write fluff/angst/crack/general/smut, combo, etc? Why?

I write a lot of fluff and some angst because I feel like our everyday life is quite boring so nearly everyone could either use some fluff to brighten their day or some angst to help them cry and relieve their stress

Do you write OCs, X Readers, Ships...etc?

I mostly write x reader (gender neutral) but i would also write ships if someone would send a request for that

Why did you decide to write for Tumblr?

I have loved to write since I was a little child and one day i found reactions for a kpop group and thought that would be a way to write and have a purpose. 

What inspires you to write?

Mostly my own experiences or movies, sometimes I lay in bed and just think “oh, this would maybe make a nice story”.

What genres/AUs do you enjoy writing the most?

I love writing angst and I also love highschool!au’s because i myself am still in school so i can relate to that a lot

What do you hope your readers take away from your work?

I wish they can either take a new view on certain stuff with them (like on insecurities or bullying and mental health) or just release their stress

What do you do when you hit a rough spot creatively?

I take a small break usually but if I am eager to keep writing i force myself to write and then it somehow works out

What is your favorite work and why? Your most successful?

I don't really have a favourite piece of work but my most successful one is my nct dream reaction to their s/o asking to sleep in the same bed because they are scared of thunderstorms with around 400 notes

Who is your favorite person to write about?

I love everyone but I really like to write for the dreamies, and especially Renjun (even tho I don’t have any fics for him yet)

Do you think there’s a difference between writing fanfiction vs. completely original prose? 

I think there is a difference, because fanfic writers usually try to take into account the way the idol/character behaves in real life/the show but when writing completely original content the writer is able to completely form the characters the way they want them to be

What do you think makes a good story?

For me, a good story always has a climax, because without it, it would be kind of boring

What is your writing process like?

I usually get an idea/request and write that down in my drafts so I don't forget, and then occasionally (depending if I’m in the mood or not) I will work on it. Once I’m done I read it once more to change some words I used too often. And after that I copy & paste it into Grammarly so they can check for spelling mistakes. If everything’s fine I put it into the queue. 

Would you ever repurpose a fic into a completely original story? 

If the story gets a lot of attention I can see that happening. I thought about writing a book many times but I’m never satisfied enough with my writing.

What tropes do you love, and what tropes can’t you stand?

I live for bad boy/mafia stuff but I really really dislike stuff like yandere or those “teachers pet” kind of things. 

How much would you say audience feedback/engagement means to you?

Feedback is everything for me. It keeps me motivated and it just shows me that people actually read my work and didn’t just accidentally like it. 

What has been one of the biggest factors of your success (of any size)? 

I don’t really feel successful, and I also don't focus on being successful. I just want to do the request I get and bring happiness to my readers.

Do you think fanfic writers get unfairly judged? 

Sometimes, yes. There is this stigma that says that all fanfic writers are cringey fangirls that don’t have anything better to do but I really don’t think it is like that. Most of us are just people who enjoy writing and want to share their work. 

Do you think art can be a medium for change? 

I do, a lot of artworks I see put their focus on important things going on in the world right now (racism, homophobia, the environment etc.) and since art gets posted on social media a lot I feel like it’s a good way to share knowledge and inform others. 

Do you ever feel there are times when you’re writing for others, rather than yourself? 

Many times. But that's fine, my writing exists to comfort people, so I do it for others, not necessarily for me. 

Do you ever feel like people have misunderstood you or your writing at times? 

Usually they understand it the way it should be understood, but I don’t feel like anyone understands me. I tell a lot of lies regarding my wellbeing so I don't really know if that can be categorized as a misunderstanding but yeah, that happens a lot.  

Do your offline friends/loved ones know you write for Tumblr?

No one knows, and I really want to keep it that way. 

What is one thing you wish you could tell your followers? 

I want to tell them that everything will turn out fine! It may be hard now but I promise it will get better! And my ask/private chat is ALWAYS open for EVERYONE!!!

Do you have any advice for aspiring writers who might be too scared to put themselves out there? 

Just do it, I know it might be scary at first but it is a great way to improve your writing, make friends and still be a writer~

Are there any times when you regret joining Tumblr? 

Sometimes when I take a long time for request I ask myself why I even joined when I can't do anything right but that feeling usually just passes 

Do you have any mutuals who have been particularly formative/supportive in your Tumblr journey? 

@panarmybelike has been really supportive. Always in my notifications and texting me, helping me with my drafts and everything!! Thank you Kai!!

Pick a quote to end your interview with: 

“You're doing well. When things are hard I'll run with you, don't worry.”― Stray Kids, Grow Up

BONUS ROUND: K-POP CONFIDENTIAL

[fgodestinyawakenings]

Rank the Limited servants(Knight class edition) best to worst: Sabers(Okita , Nero Bride, Void Shiki , Musashi , Proto!Arthur , Sigurd , Beni and Astolfo) , Archers(Gilgamesh, Summer Artoria , Ishtar , Moriarty , Summer Jeanne , Superhuman Orion and Sei Shonagon) and Lancers(Scathach, Brynhildr , Summer Tamamo and Eresh)

…….. I’m not sure if I’m the one to be answering this……. And I can’t vouch for ALL of them because RNG hates me, and depending on who I managed to get. And I’m basing this all on the current Lostbelt difficulty, so opinions may varied which before you kill me if I don’t agree with your waifu and husbando…

Please by all means ignore this post and continue using them

Sabers:

Art ST Spamming: Nero Bride > Beni > Medb. 

Maybe Beni is better, but from skillset I feel Nero bride wins both support and using for herself. 

Medb I put lower due to every FUCKING MSQ Boss fight is having a debuff immunity, but her other 2 skill is decent to help. Spamming not sure, since my criteria for this is based on Lancelot Saber in both CRIT hell and charging of NP

Quicks ST Saber: Astolfo => Okita > Fran

Unless Okita is getting an upgrade, Astolfo for now wins. Excluding stun most are good for both damage and surviving long for Lostbelt hell. 

Okita as I’m still using her… Still Ok with Skadi’s support, which both are. 

Fran… Not sure why to me, tricky to use and her demerit outweighs more… Which extremely dangerous to survive in Lostbelt situations

Buster ST Saber: Musashi=Sigurd

Both are situational to me. Musashi is more for general Bosses while Sigurd is more towards Boss with Dragon-traits. 

But Musashi may be more preferred, since Sigurd you’ll need to bring best boi George to debuff enemy with Dragon trait. Both have good surviving skills of invincibility and guts respectively

AOE Sabers: Arthurs > Void

Because everywhere in every Lostbelt will at least have one fucking Large-trait monster to deal with. And Arthur having a now crit strengthen, hits enemy real hard without his AOE NP. 

Void, unless she get one more buff for her AOE damage… You can still bring her mobs to insta-kill, but you’re going to time when to heal because her third skill drains quite an amount of NP

===

Archers:

Arts ST Archers: Orion => Artoria

Both are good at spamming their NP… But let’s face it, it’s a Grand Servant vs normal Servant. His whole skillset + NP outwins King Golden Asshole says pretty much how wanted he’ll be when his own banner returns again. And GSSR will be hell to get him among all the other Archers. But if you have, you’re a lucky bastard to have them and I want your luck right now!

Calamity Jane: I haven’t got the chance to use her… But if your team isn’t the kind that generates 30 stars minimum per turn, you can still get up to evasion from her skill. She’s very situational because it all dependant on the turn you want to use of how many stars you have. Otherwise, NP skill of ignore evasion is more than welcome on those evading bosses

Buster ST Archers: Fujino > Moriarty > Anne & Mary

Fujino: NP gain not much of an issue if you have her first skill up, good survivability of defense and mainly guts, NP also hit hard with main focus on buff block on the turn when enemy boss buff themselves like ignore invincibility before using their NP… But now can be dependant if the boss is not permanent buff with debuff immunity

Moriarty: After his strengthening, it’d be best for 2nd skill > 3rd skill to fully utilize his support buff in the team. But he’s dependant with a min of 10 stars to activate his skill. His NP hits even better with his first skill, helping to generate stars along the way. But has a problem of surviving so you’ll need support to keep him alive

Anne & Mary: Unless you have guts buff on them via third skill/support/Mystic code, LB’s situation ain’t that welcoming in terms of enemy doing higher amount of damage to them before they could use their NP. Glass canon with decent NP gain similar to their Rider version… I’d say not impossible if you have the relative Servants, but it’ll be very risky to be able to utilize to their fullest

AOE NP Servants: Gilgamesh = Ishtar > Osakabehime = Sei Shonagon = Jeanne > Helena

Gilgamesh: As the oldest king got dethrone on damage output for overall limited Archers… You still gonna need him, which unless really been datamined, as majority of the Servants are weak to Enuma Elish, including himself. Still a strongest hitter for AOE output like Ishtar. And getting him signifies you wasted this year whole luck, and subsequent SSR after him are just you selling your soul to the devil

Ishtar: The goddess which Archer Gil no doubt want to have her head. And with her strengthening and good support team, she can hit real hard as Gilgamesh. Just remember to time her 3rd skill well before the usage of your NP preferably too

Sei, Osakabehime, Jeanne: They are mainly used as a support with a decent hit of their NP. 

Jeanne: Jeanne onee-chan with self invinciblity, Arts + NP damage + Crit if your field waterside and attack buff to Good Alignment Servants if your roster is them mainly. Plus Onee-chan beam can give crit stars by overcharge for 3 turns.

Osakabehime: A bit tricky by 2nd skill, if you’re running with a ST NP servant in, you’ve got 3 turns to deal with that one target, unless said target remove the debuff themselves. Decent damage dealing, but otherwise she’s your good support Archer to have

Sei: She may be higher than both Jeanne and Osakabehime, with decent amount of Servants who are Neutral and/or Man Attributes. A great support Archer for both her party and herself with all three of her skills and decent NP damage.

Helena: Similar to her Caster version, she’s got NP charge to support your team. But unfortunately she’s got low NP gain and damage, which many other Archer outclassing her. Slightly better in terms of cooldown, but unfortunately her most important 1st skill takes the longest cooldown. You’re probably better off with other AOE NPs Archer for farming

===

Lancers:

ST NP: Scathach > Raikou > Tamamo no Mae = Brynhildr > Ibaraki > Kiyohime

Scathach: Together with her Caster version, she’s definitely one of the most welcome ST NP against Divine Enemies. While insta-death is obviously useless in MSQ fights, her stun is useful but situational if debuff immunity isn’t there. Her first skill may be RNG, but evade is still there for surviving in boss fight

Raikou: A strong case of Glass canon, but her damage outweighs over her lack of defense buff. With strong support skillset for self and both party, she’s definitely one of your best general-trait boss killer against their insane stacks of defense buff. With Summer BB in for support + star generator CE, her whole self is fully otmpized for a painful buster brave or just brave chain itself to the enemy boss

Tamamo no Mae: Strong hitting Anti-male NP with decent support skill set. But in regards to her demerit, you’ll need to time right of when to use unless you have her up on debuff immunity and debuff remover ready. And for her second skill, make sure you have your defensive skill ready if said enemy Servant are near to full NP bar

Brynhildr: One of the good supports for star generation and skillset wise. NP damage while it hits hard, it’s situational because not every Servant we’ve seen is Brynhildr’s Beloved trait

Ibaraki: With SO MANY GOD-DAMN-FUCKING-HELL Servants having defense buff, she’s one with the most welcoming ignore defense to beat shitless out of them. Decent skillset but third skill is really your RNG hating or loving you. Especially worst if you’re facing an enemy who enjoys throwing debuff at your team. Demerit of her NP I feel isn’t that much of a problem, unless you’re also relying her to do star generation. But she does make it up with overcharge of crit stars, which if you’re a whale, best to have it at NP5

Kiyohime: Despite a strong hitting NP, she’s got a problem for NP gain and debuff kit is really dependant… Which now not in her favor again: Debuff Immunity. And lacks of defense and survivability for herself… Especially most mobs are Berserker or mixed class mobs

AOE NP: Romulus Eresh = Melt

Romulus: Yep, our lord and savior. Even with his release.... He’s actually tied with Eresh. Both have the same strong support + defense + overkilling NP with their own support with them (especially pair with Boudica ironically, but gender buff don’t work on Roma via datamine and lore reason). Romulus mainly boils down to his Roman trait debuff stacking on his enemies... But both Eresh and Romulus shares the same problem in current Lostbelt hell: 

Ignore Invincibility

Buff Block

Buff Removal

Debuff removal

Debuff Removal Success Rate (ask DW fucking why)

Debuff Immunity variations

And both play a different role at the end, depending on which you prefer. If you’re looking for a more support-oriented SSR Lancer, Ereshkigal is your girl. If you’re looking for a more AOE ROMA Overkilling Stacking NP, the lord and savior will answer your call.

Eresh: By far still the best AOE NP Limited Servant to have, with both strong party support, surviving yet decent AOE Damage dealing NP but mainly enough for farming. However, she’ll need support on NP gain if you’re planning to do spamming out of it. Though once she do get an NP damage buff by chance… She’s going to become one of the most wanted limited SSR Lancers

Melt: Again, her second effect NP is one of the more welcoming to have in LB hell hole: ignore defense. Her first effect is only activated if you have her 2nd skill active, which is really crucial. Skillset is pretty good, and with NP being Arts, you can have it both spamming and crit hell to your enemies. But do note when you use her third skill, your other 2 Servants’ NP is drain quite a number as she charged herself… So her on double Tamamo team or Tamamo + Casgil + Paracelsus… You get your catch here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9tJH9HDEyc

[tomboyjessie13-artblog]

Neashi Tamiki, regarded as The Fifth Pierrot, was an Islander who once lived in the Destiny Islands. Awakening in Twilight Town in the wake of the Heartless Attack, the girl was reborn as a Nobody with no memory of her past life. She later became involved in numerous incidents and conflicts regarding Organization XIII's Project; "[Project: Pere Noel]". After graduation, she later entered the Organization as their 15th Member, Shenxai, the Capricious Artist.

~Information Bio~ Name(English Translation): Neashi Tamiki Hiragana: なし=たみき Romaji: Nashi=Tamiki Other Names: Princess/Oujo-Chan(Xigbar's pet name), The Fifth Pierrot(Pere Noel's code name), Number XV(Rank), Shenxai(Nobody name), The Capricious Artist(Organization title). Age: 16(KH1 to Early-358/2 Days), 17(Mid-358/2 Days to KH3), 18(Post KH3) Gender: Female Sexual Orientation: Heteroflexible Race: Islander(Asian decent) Hair Color: Green Eye Color: Dark Teal Weapon: Halberd(Naginata, later Guandao) Element: Paint Lesser Nobodies: Pictomancer Occupation: Human(Formerly/Post-KH2), Nobody/Vessel(Slain in KH2) Affiliations: Destiny Islands(homeworld; formerly/Post-KH2), Twilight Town(Formally), The World that Never Was(Slain in KH2)*The Pere Noel Project(Graduated), Organization XIII(Slain in KH2). Alignment: True Neutral Inspiration: Me, Elluka Clockworker and Chirclatia, Platonic, Lemy Abelard, and Seong Mi-na ~Neashi's Theme~  Sunday Afternoon at Tamagawa River by Guitar ~Headcanon voices~ Japanese Seiyuu: Nana Mizuki Voice Actress: Caitlin Glass ============================================================== ~Personality and Traits~ "I can't believe I'm doing this again, "They" will pay for this humiliation." -Neashi's vendetta against "First Santa Clause" Neashi was a hardworking and creative individual and a thief, determined to become a well-known artist. Coinciding with her artistic lifestyle, she acts as a critic, particularly for anything related to art such as painting and catering, having such great taste within the creative world, though is still practicing to become better in her skills. Neashi is often relaxed and confident, but a little childish, occasionally teasing her peers to provoke them. In Addition, she had a tendency to mood swing. Xigbar often instigates her and she usually vented her anger toward him by attacking the Nobody. When faced with stressful situations, she'll try to escape if not fight back. She would also delay her heists or her missions' completion should her life be at risk. Although confident in her abilities as a Thief and a Fighter, she was against killing and refused to murder anyone; especially Sorcerers and stronger Organization members, knowing the crime would risk her being hunted down and executed, occasionally, however, she would threaten to end Xigbar's life if given the choice to cripple the Organization or to finally get him off her back, making her a hypocrite. Neashi also has a personal grudge against "Mr. Pere Noel", the founder of the "Pere Noel Project", vowing to get her hands on them for using her to do their dirty work. Neashi isn't very open with showing affection, often acting apathetic and sarcastic, even berating Demyx for his laziness, this was mostly due to her Trauma and [Mr. Pere Noel]'s manipulation, causing her to have some difficulties in forming relationships. Despite this and the fact she's a Nobody, she has a soft side, caring for the children of Twilight Town, including her youngest partner Nemu, and the friends she does trust to ease their misfortune as best she can, even going as far as to dedicate her thievery into making money to help them or bring back rare items. Having a liking for boyish things like combat and swordplay, Neashi fully embraced her Tomboyish lifestyle. Despite this, she does have a small liking for feminine things such as dresses, though doesn't do them very often. She does, however, make a few exceptions during certain occasions such as light makeup and accessories. She also acts stern at times, such as when she is doing house work or her missions for the Organization. Despite that, she does have fun and enjoys relaxing. Unbeknownst to most of her peers, she has a fear of thunder and lightning as a result of her PTSD(Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Having witnessed her parents's death in a thunderstorm two months prior to the islands being destroyed by the Heartless. Becoming depressed, withdrawn, broken, and amnesic. Having lost her memories of her friends, relatives, and deceased family as a result of it, even after becoming a Nobody, her trauma is still caked into her mind, and any lightning based triggers such as a simple thunder spell will cause her the to suffer from an attack of PTSD before fainting, then waking up with no recollection of the attack. As Neashi begins to remember most of her past life, the more self aware she became, and as a result she became slightly depressed due to the pain in her past life, although still retains most of her outward personality as an attempt to hide it. The only ones who know of this was Demyx, Roxas, Xion, Nemu, Dimitri, and later Xigbar. When working for the Organization as Shenxai, she began to present herself as intimidating to her foes and the denizens of light outside the Castle That Never Was so no one would take advantage of her. When off the clock however, she's actually pretty chill and whimsical, albeit apathetic due to her depression. Thereby was more excepting about her demise because of it. Eventually before said demise, she began to realize the true horrors the Organization is causing regarding Kingdom Hearts and Sora and Kairi, as such she rejected her previous desire for revenge against [Mr. Pere Noel] and embraced her newfound desire for freedom and safety for herself, her young comrade Nemu, and her childhood friends. After becoming a Somebody again, she regains all her memories of her childhood and teen years prior to her trauma, in addition to finally regaining a heart and all of her human emotions. But while she was at first genuinely happy upon gaining a heart and her freedom, she became even more emotionally temperamental and visibly stressed due to her experience in both Pere Noel and Organization XIII, thus became very paranoid and anxious around any mentions of either groups and it's former members, in addition to becoming suspicious as to why the Organization had became Somebodies without the use of Kingdom Hearts. But at the same time she had became more worrisome about her friends, having to chase after Braig to "save him" from Master Xehanort and apologizing to Kairi for leaving her behind, meaning that she now acknowledges her friend's well-being or frustrations. ============================================================== Skills and Talents Despite coming from the life of a simple Islander, Neashi was able to have some success as a thief and fit well into the lifestyle and work required in Twilight Town. Although working alone, Neashi's connections to Pere Noel and the Organization allowed her to be well informed on her targets and more easily break into homes and avoid their inhabitants. Due to being a Nobody, Neashi was also resistant to being attacked by both powerful and lesser Nobodies by smell, also given the ability to control her own Dusks. In spite of that, she herself is also rendered helpless to the Darkness if not wearing the clothes made from the same material that makes up the Organization's standard attire. When fighting, she shows great skill with the naginata in both athleticism and grace. However, there are times where she does mess up and ends up either stabbing herself or stabbing someone important. Given the power of paint and thinner, she'll manipulate them in hopes of killing and/or trapping Heartless with them. She's weak against fire and lightning magic but can withstand ice. Outside of weaponry, she is skilled in martial arts such as physical combat, which can only be used in self defense. She also trains herself in Parkour to make her escapes from the police during her heists easier, in addition to making herself healthy. Neashi is shown to have a skill in drawing in any forms of media from sketching to painting. She can also cook for herself, be it microwavable to home cooked delicacies. Despite that, she does have trouble making homemade Sea-Salt Ice Cream, for she usually makes it either way too Salty than it's attended amount and/or give it an inappropriate color scheme. Naturally, as a Nobody and later a Organization member, Neashi can command the lesser Nobodies and use Dark Corridors at will. ============================================================== Character Connections Braig: An apprentice guard from Radiant Garden and Neashi's first friend, the memories of him were tragically forgotten when she grew older and became a Nobody. She met this capricious man at a young age after being transported from her world to his, he didn't think much of her at first but later grown fond of the child and vice versa, but they were later forced to part ways by Master Xehanort to avoid confusion from the public and to prevent the girl from foiling his plans, this resulted in her having trust issues. Like his Nobody, he's shown to act as a father-figure to Neashi in place of her birth parents. She was later horrified to learn that he and Xigbar are the same person and is working for the 13 Seekers of Darkness. Xigbar/Fourth Shadow: Neashi's Mentor from the Pere Noel Project, "Adopted Parent", and later her partner, she first met him in a Nobody territory under "Mr. Pere Noel's" last order. Though completely unaware of the Freeshooter being Braig's Nobody, her resurrecting memories allowed her to recognize his Somebody's scent thus earning his trust, though not fully. Despite that, they always get into fights both verbal and physical even threatening death on each other albeit, for naught, she is also often annoyed by his constant teasing, joking, and pranking, and is very aggravated with him making her do his errands such as buying him alcohol. Like his Somebody, he's shown to act as a father-figure to Neashi in place of her birth parents. He soon finds out that Neashi is starting to grow depressed, thus ruling her out as a potential vessel. She was later horrified to learn that he and Braig are the same person and is working for the 13 Seekers of Darkness. Dimitri: One of her former employers during her previous heists and later partner for the Pere Noel Project, she was first hired by this man due to her multiple thefts, and ever so often she would get ripped off and blackmailed by him, often getting half of the profit than she wanted. They were both surprised when they discovered that both of them are in the Project together, both being monitored by Xigbar as Second Dealer and Fifth Pierrot, and even worse being relocated to her apartment as a way to keep an eye on him. She is often disgusted with his greed and philandering with multiple lovers and wishes that she doesn't become one of his women. He's one of the few individuals who is aware of Neashi's growing depression and the first person to discover she had PTSD. Nemu: Her young neighbor and later partner for the Pere Noel Project, she was quite surprised to learn that someone their age was part of the Project as its Third Sleep Bringer, also being monitored by Xigbar. She also expressed both amazement when she saw how intelligent they were, hence satisfying her wonder as to why they're in the Project, though is often disturbed by their lack of communication, leading her to wonder if they had Mutism, regardless, she was able to bond with the young Nobody, even acting like a older sister to them. They lived in a studio apartment a few floors underneath Neashi's two bedroom one. They're one of the few individuals who is aware of Neashi's growing depression. Even though she became aware of Nemu's past life, she exonerated the child of their misdeeds due to their past abuse and manipulation. Sora: An Islander from the Destiny Islands and Neashi's childhood friend, he's also the reason she became a Nobody due to his influence. She first met the young boy after Master Xehanort sent her home, She was resistant at first but later developed a close bond with the boy, even becoming a sister-figure to him. She gives both him and Riku a few pointers in fighting growing up. Sadly, the memories of him were tragically forgotten after witnessing her parents' death 2 months prior to the Islands being destroyed. When she met him again, she only sees him as a ploy to the Organization, but feels like she knows him due to his resurging memories, thereby doesn't really show herself as a threat to him in particular. Riku: An Islander from the Destiny Islands and Neashi's childhood friend. She first met him after meeting Sora, she gives both him and Sora a few pointers in fighting growing up, she sees potential and trust in Riku thus becoming good friends. However, the memories of him were tragically forgotten after witnessing her parents' death 2 months prior to the Islands being destroyed. She eventually met with him again as a Nobody, under the impression that he was an Organization Impostor, she was taken aback when she saw his face however, feeling like she saw him before. Kairi: An Islander from the Destiny Islands and Neashi's childhood friend. Though never first met at Radiant Garden, she later meets her on the Islands and developed a close bond with her. However, the memories of her were tragically forgotten after witnessing her parents' death 2 months prior to the Islands being destroyed. When she was visiting the Islands one day, she accidentally ran into Kairi, but eventually became good friends(again) despite being a Nobody. Neashi was surprised to learn that she was one of the Seven Princesses of Heart and became genuinely horrified when Saix kidnapped her just to use her to anger Sora. ???/Mr. Pere Noel: Her Employer from the Pere Noel Project and later her target of Vengeance. She was first hacked by the mysterious person one day and was forced into the Project as "The Fifth Pierrot." She eventually grew to despise them after receiving many heists that almost got her killed and/or caught, she willingly stayed in Pere Noel in hopes to one day meet and punish them. She was though certain that the Organization's Leader is him due to Pere Noel being a funded Project by Organization XIII. Eventually she gave up on seeking revenge against him in place of wanting to escape due to discovering the horrors the Organization is creating. Demyx: A member of Organization XIII and later her friend and partner. She first met the young Nocturne after confronting Xigbar sometime afterward, at first she thought of him as an idiot and berating him for his laziness, even during their first mission together in the Organization, but later grows fond of the Nobody's company, even allowing him to hide in her apartment from Saix and stating that he's more tolerable to be with than Xigbar, although she doesn't show it and is quite irritated with his cowardice behavior. They also express their same interests for Music and Games, and he's one of the few individuals who is aware of Neashi's growing depression, proving his belief that Nobodies do have hearts. Eventually due to their closeness, they ended up having a secret relationship with him, but it was mostly on and off due to the Organization's rules, despite this however, she was genuinely regretful of his demise. Character Trivia ~ She's the only character known for having green hair. ~ She currently has 6 piercings on her face and ears. 4 thick rings(2 on her bottom lip and 1 on each ear lobe). And 2 thin rings on the helix part of her right ear. ~ Her Naginata fighting style is similar to that of Seong Mi-na from Soul Caliber. ~ Pere Noel is French for "Father Christmas" or "Santa Clause", the program is based on the fictional criminal organization under the same name from the Evillious Chronicles during the Sloth/Pierrot and Greed/Wrath arcs.

[the-lupine-sojourner]

Chestnutfest 2k19 Prompt 2: Summer Festival/Height Swap

Why can I not get these done before midnight?! >.< 

Ah well. For this one, I thought it might be fun to combine the two prompts. This probably doesn’t make sense, but, um, hope you like it! 

Once again, this Krillan/18 fest is all thanks to @chestnutisland! Go show them love for setting this awesome event up! :)

And, again, Here is the Link to the post with more info on this event. 

Okay now onto the story! 

P.S: I wanna see if anyone can guess what I’m not-so-subtly hinting at with 18 here, okay? :)

God Bless and Good Day!

~The Lupine Sojourner

“Why are we here again?” Android 18 asks. She never knew Krillan to be the fair or festival type, but...here they were. 

“Aw, c’mon honey.” Krillan urges. “We need a break, right? We’ve been training and working a lot lately. I think it’s about time we took a night off and had a little fun.” He explains. Android 18 smiles. She could agree that they needed a break, but a festival?

“Alright, but why this festival?” 

“The farmer that’s been buying Goku’s crops set it up and runs it.” Krillan confesses. “So I thought we’d check it out.” 18 nods. 

“Alright then.” They walk together, hand in hand. 18 looks down at their joined hands, smiling a little. 

It was always a little odd, the height difference between them. Of course, neither of them would hold it against the other (aside from light teasing every once in a while), but they could see the stares they got, choosing to ignore them. 

The festival grounds weren’t super crowded, but there were a decent amount of people wandering around. The aromas of the food stalls hit 18’s nose and she was surprisingly tempted to try some of the food. Normally, she wasn’t too keen on eating. Mainly because she didn’t need food. But recently her appetite was slowly increasing. More and more, she was wanting to eat. Which was a little odd. 

So far, Krillan just took it as his wife simply wanting to try a few new foods. 

But 18 was mystified. Why was her interest in food suddenly increasing? Regardless, she could wait a little while to eat. First, she’d see what Krillan wanted to do. 

This was a martial arts and food festival, so there were big bough guys for overconfident husbands to attempt to defeat to show off to their wives and earn a bit of cash. Likely, Krillan would want to defeat a few of those burly men as a light exercise to work up a bit of an appetite. She walks with Krillan, eyeing some of the stalls selling cheap gis for higher prices than they were worth because this was a festival and people would buy them. The only problem was they were way too small. 

Maybe if they ever had a child...18 smiles. The thought was also becoming ever so slowly more attractive to her. She envisioned a little child running around their house, laughing and running as Krillan attempted to tag her in a game as 18 made dinner. 

When did she become such a domestic housewife?! Regardless… “Krillan, what do you think of this gi?” She asks. It was labeled as a ‘Dusty Rose’ color, suitable for a girl. Krillan stops, blinking. 

“...It’s cute, honey, but way too small for you.” She almost gets angry, then remembers in the nick of time that he couldn’t read her thoughts and she hadn’t actually verbalized her subtly growing interest in having children. 

So she smiles, moving to a more gender-neutral, orange-colored gi. “I was meaning...if we ever happen to have a child.” She mumbles. Now that she’d accidentally opened the door to the conversation on children, she may as well go all in. Krillan was stunned. 

“Wait...you want a kid?!” He asks. She sighs, turning to face him fully. 

“It’s just...something I was thinking about recently. What if we had a child?” Krillan’s head tilts. 

“...Not to seem insensitive, but, uh...is that even possible for us?” She nods. Until now, she had been reluctant to discuss a lot of her past with Gero. 

“Yes it is. All Dr. Gero did was remodel me and my brother to be superior warriors. I still have many of my internal organs, including...the reproductive ones.” Krillan blushes, and 18 feels a little uncomfortable. They hadn’t talked about this before, so they walk somewhere a little more private to continue the talk. 

“I had no idea.” Krillan mumbles, fiddling with his fingers. She nods. 

“I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t think it mattered.” Krillan laughs. 

“Well, now I know, I think it’s a great idea! If you are really okay with it…” He deferred to her, and that was why she loved him so much. He was always making sure he got her input and respected it, discussing things with her rationally and as equals. 

Android 18 nods. “I think I am.” They return to wandering, happy in the revelations they’d shared. 18 felt relieved she’d gotten it off her chest. She was still learning that it was okay to talk through her emotions with people who cared about her, and especially with her husband. 

Krillan then noticed a particularly burly man challenging anyone for 1500 zenni. He turns to 18, smiling. “What d'ya think? Should I?” He asks, amused. She chuckles. 

“Why not? Just don’t hurt him too bad.” She replies. A few people overheard and snickered. 

“Oi, you won’t last ten seconds in that ring.” One bystander notes, laughing. Krillan scoffs. 

“You know it’s rude not to look at the person you’re talking to.” he replies. “You should be facing my opponent.” The man starts in shock. 

“You are a cocky lil’ one, ain’t yah?” Now his voice was testy, aggravated. Krillan smiles. 

“No. I just know I’ll win.” With that, he squeezes his wife’s hand, strutting confidently into the ring. His opponent put on a show of getting ready, but Krillan couldn’t sense much of a power level at all. This wouldn’t last long at all.

“Let’s get this goin’, shall we?” The man snickers, getting into a stance.

Krillan smirks, hands in his pocket. “You can have the first move.” His opponent, fed up listening, charged, roaring mindlessly. Krillan sighs. Predictable. His eyes close for a second as his legs bend. Then his eyes open as he leaps out, sending him soaring up and toward his opponent. His foot slams into the man’s ample shoulder. He goes soaring into the poorly made fencing making up the ring, crashing through it and into a few unlucky bystanders. Krillan lands and jogs over to help the people up. “Sorry about that.” He says, smiling at the stunned onlookers. “Tried to hold back. Obviously, it didn’t work too well.” Everyone was stunned. The man who held the prize money was shaking as he handed Krillan the 1500 zenni. “Thank you.” Slipping it into his pocket, Krillan dips his head in respect before taking 18’s hand again and walking away. “That was kinda fun!” He chuckles. 

18 smiles. “And we have extra cash.” Krillan nods. 18 was always worried about money, so it was nice to bring home some extra zenni when he could. 

The next thing he stopped at was an adult gi stall, the fabric and manufacturing seeming of a higher quality. 

He then spotted an orange one similar to his in what appeared to be 18’s size. He grins and pulls it off the rack. “Hey honey look at this! We could match!” He laughs at her expression. Part confusion and part ‘hell no’. “Aww c’mon! It’s just a joke.” 18 then surprises Krillan by walking over and taking it from him. She kisses his cheek (the secret to making him do whatever she said) and smiles. 

“Want me to try it on?” She asks. He grins dopily at her and nods a few too many times. 

“Yes please.” He replies, sounding incredibly dopey. She chuckles and walks over to a small changing area with a curtain for privacy. She slips in and Krillan comes out of his trance when he sees stilts a little ways off in a different stall, with built-in shoes to make using them easier. He grins. 

This should be fun. Running over and pulling out the money for it (more than he knew he should pay for stilts, but hey a prank was a prank) and purchasing them eagerly. He slips them on easily and clumsily walks back over to where he’d left 18, conveniently just as she walks out of the changing room. 

“What do you thi--uh...what are you doing?” she asks, more than a little surprised at the sudden change in height before she notices the stilts. Krillan laughs. 

“Saw these and thought ‘what better way to get to your eye level’, but, um, I didn’t judge the boost very well and here we are.” He now stood as tall over her as she stood over him normally. She smiles, cranking her head back to smile up at him. 

“Please tell me you didn’t pay money for those.” His nervous laugh was all the answer she needed. She shakes her head amusedly at her husband’s antics. 

Sometimes he could be so...unusual. He did and said things sometimes that didn’t appear to make sense, but also made her laugh, which she supposed was the entire point. “Well, enjoy it while it lasts, honey. Those are coming off when we leave.” Krillan nods. 

“That’s probably as long as I can stand them.” He replies, leaning down to kiss her. “Love you.” She smiles, cupping his cheek in her hand. 

“Love you, too.” 

[redhoodssweetheart]

Work of Art

Genre: High School AU

Pairing: Steve x Gender Neutral!Reader

Word Count: 799

Requested: Anon

Warnings: fluff

Description:  Steve asks you to be his model for an art project. 

Taglists: Are open, please send an ask and see this post for more information.

Steve’s pencil danced across the paper as he shaded the drawing he was working on.  He glanced up and then looked back at the picture he was doing of you.  It was hard for you to keep a straight face, you wanted to smile, but Steve had asked you for a blank look, no emotions.  You weren’t sure how much longer you could keep this up though.

“Don’t smile,” Steve warned.  He could tell that you wanted to grin at him, that you were fighting back your smile.  He paused and looked up at you.  You were bitting your lip trying to look innocent, but he could see the mischief shining in your eyes.

“Babe, do you know how hard it is not to smile when you look all adorable sitting over there sketching?”  Steve’s cheeks heated a bit which made you smile in victory, that had been the reaction you had been aiming for.  You liked seeing Steve flustered.  “Are we almost done?  I’m starting to go a bit stiff over here.”

Steve let out a sigh, “I think I can finish everything from here, I just need to do a bit more shading here and there and then I’ll be good to go.”

You hopped up and walked over to him, sitting on his lap and laying your head on his shoulder.  “I lowkey hate modeling for you,” you admitted.

This wasn’t surprising for Steve, he knew that you didn’t like sitting still for long periods of time for him.  “I know, doll, but you're the best model I’ve ever had.”

“Shhh, don’t let Bucky hear that, he might get jealous,” you giggled.

Steve chuckled, “Eh, I think he already knows I prefer drawing you over him, although he has the brooding look down.”

“Then why don’t you ask him to do the emotionless face ones!”  You complained as you pulled back to look at him.

“Because Bucky complains too, so I’d rather hear it from you than from him.  Plus Bucky has to sit for Nat most of the time and I’d rather not ask him to model for me as well.”

The bell rang letting both of you know that free period was over.  You crawled off Steve’s lap and picked up your backpack while Steve cleaned up his pencils.  “I’ll see you after classes,” you told him before rushing off so you wouldn’t get in trouble for being late.

Steve took a bit longer, he just had study hall and Mr. Fury wasn’t that strick on tardiness, all he asked was that you actually did show up five minutes after the bell.  When he entered the classroom he saw Natasha sitting in the back of the room he nodded at Mr. Fury and made his way back to Natasha.  “Sketching with Y/N again?”  She asked once he sat down and pulled out his sketchbook.

He nodded, “Yeah, I’m having trouble which way I want to paint them.”  He flipped through each of the sketches he had done of you, and there were a lot of them.  “I just want this to be perfect.”

Natasha rested a hand on his shoulder, “Go with whichever one feels right to you.  Either way, they’re going to love it.”

Steve had never told you why he was sketching you so much.  You just figured it was for his art class and he liked drawing you the best because the two of you were almost always together.  Carol, Maria, Pietro, and Wanda, on the other hand, believed it was for other reasons.

“I bet he has something romantic planned,” Wanda said.

Maria nodded in agreement, “I do too, your anniversary is coming up isn’t it?”

You hadn’t even thought about that, but your anniversary was the following week.  “Do you really think that he has something special planned?”

“Yes!”  All three girls said at once, Pietro nodding in agreement.

“Okay, okay, but I don’t want to get my hopes up and I certainly don’t want to ruin the surprise.  If he’s worked this hard on it I want to be surprised when I see it,” you told them.  “So that means no snooping.”

Bucky and Natasha came walking over, Bucky’s arm draped across Natasha's shoulder.  The two of them an adorable couple.  He, Natasha, and Steve had all been childhood friends, and when they entered high school Bucky had admitted his feelings for Natasha and the two of them began going out.  You had come into the picture later.

You and Steve had been friends, you had shared almost every class with him your sophomore year and that was when you realized that you had feelings for him.  He had asked you out the following year to the homecoming dance, and the rest was history.

Natasha sat down beside you and began pulling her lunch out of the bag, “So what are we gossiping about today?”

“We were trying to figure out why Steve had been sketching Y/N so much,” Carol said.  “We think it’s something for their anniversary next week.”

“But I told them I didn’t want to know in case it ruined the surprise,” you told them.

A moment later Steve sat beside you and pecked you on the cheek.  You shot everyone a look telling them not to bring up what you all had been talking about.

The next week on Saturday you went over to Steve’s so that the two of you could spend the day together and just hang out on your anniversary.  You had wrapped his present and giddily carried it up to his front door.  His mom answered and let you in, telling you that Steve was in the living room.

When you walked in Steve rushed over and kissed you, murmuring, “Happy anniversary, doll.”

“Happy anniversary, handsome,” you said back before kissing him again.  When you pulled away you held up the gift you had gotten him.  “It’s nothing spectacular, but I hope you like them.”

He ripped open the paper and stared at the set of colored pencils you had gotten him.  You knew his old ones were slowly dwindling away to nothing and you wanted to get him a new set.  “Y/N, these are great.”  He looked up at you, “Thank you.”  He hugged you, squeezing tightly.  You were happy that he liked them.  “Okay wait here,” he said.  “And close your eyes!”  He shouted as he hurried from the room.

You took a seat on the couch and closed your eyes like he had instructed.  You heard him enter the room again and you said, “Can I open my eyes now?”

“Yes,” he told you.

When you opened your eyes you saw him holding a painting of you.  It was from your first date, the two of you had gone to the park and sat on one of the benches together.  You were laughing at something he had told you.  You remembered that was the first time he had ever sketched you, the artist in him coming out when he saw you looking so carefree and happy.

You covered your mouth with your hand, “Oh Steve.”

He shifted from foot to foot, “Do you like it?”

Your eyes met his and you nodded your head, “Of course I like it.  I love it!  What kind of stupid question is that?”  You got up off the couch and walked over to where he was holding the painting.  “Is this why you were sketching me so much?”

He nodded, “I was trying to find the perfect pose to capture you in painting, but then Nat said to go with my gut and I dug up that old sketch I had done from our first date.  It was perfect and I knew right then and there I had to paint it.”

You gently took the painting out of his hands and sat it by the coffee table, wrapping your arms around his neck and squeezing him, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, doll.”

The two of you spent the rest of the day curled up on the couch watching reruns of your favorite shows and eating snacks together.  You would glance at the painting every once in a while and smile already wondering where the best place to display it was.

[oflgtfol]

i’m a big fan of treating music like poetry, because music really is just, poetry with rhythm and/or melody. and i had it drilled into me when analyzing poetry that the author is not necessarily the speaker, that even when a poem says “i” that doesn’t mean the speaker is the author. 

and LIKE i know with music, most lyrics are written where the author and the speaker are one and the same. but i’m also a big fan of songwriters being able to write outside of their experience, and also them being able to retain privacy regarding whether or not a song is from experience or not. so i really don’t like to assume that the person who wrote the lyrics is writing from experience, so when thinking about a song i always like to distinguish the speaker as someone separate from the writer. the only times they should be treated as one and the same, i think, is when the writer confirms that yes they wrote this from experience and that this song is about them

SO like when looking at the genius pages for starset songs it’s always like. “dustin loves this girl” it’s like................... why are you saying dustin for? why are you assuming things about him? this especially rubs me wrong with songs from divisions which are yknow, about an unhealthy relationship, and it’s like... has he ever said that he’s writing from experience? i don’t really pay attention to the real people from the bands i like, so maybe he has, but i don’t remember seeing it anywhere. so like, why are you assuming something so deeply personal about him just because he wrote it?

it’s like.. perfect machine is from the point of view of someone who is the abuser/toxic person in a relationship. to say that, just because it’s written from that point of view, and written by dustin, that it’s from DUSTIN’S point of view is just.. huh? especially considering that perfect machine obviously ties into telekinetic, but that song is from the abused person’s point of view, but dustin also wrote it? so dustin is both the abuser and the abused? he abused himself???

like for the love of god just say “the speaker.” yes dustin wrote it and sang it but it’s not actually HIM. there’s a story being told here and to ignore that just.. does a disservice to this album?

ALSO i love how, when they do this, like equate the speaker and the singer as being inherently equal, they always say that the love interest/other person in the relationship is a woman. like there are NO pronouns in this song other than “you,” there are no indications of the other person’s gender. nor are there any indications of the speaker’s gender either! but by putting dustin as the speaker it’s like ok well the other person must be a woman then. i see this with other songs and bands too and it always irks me. like this is a gender neutral song for both the speaker and their love interest but you just.. make it inherently straight by assigning the male singer to the speaker...

i mean idk i know i’m very standoffish when it comes to the real people behind the music i listen to. i genuinely do not want to know anything about these people. i know that i’ll never know them for who they really are beyond their music, and i’d like to keep it that way. so i literally do not want to assume anything about them because then it feels so so weird. like assigning them these deeply personal things when they never confirmed it actually happened it’s like.. i literally dont know you. and frankly i dont want to. if a musician comes out and says “yes i was in an abusive relationship and this album was written entirely about that” then thats one thing.. it still makes me deeply uncomfortable to know such a raw and personal thing about them, and to always have that in mind when i listen to the album.. but ultimately at least they were the one to come out and say it, yeah? so for ambiguous things where it’s not confirmed that it’s written from experience... to just ASSUME that it was, and like, insert them into a raw and painful song where they never necessarily said that they’re actually In the song, it’s just.. what are you doing? you don’t know this person. you never will. why are you assuming these things about them. IDK i guess tl;dr for this paragraph is that, i know i have very strict boundaries up between me and musicians and maybe that’s where this whole post is coming from.

but also like i just think separating the musician from the music in cases where they aren’t explicitly one and the same also helps with just... the art of it? the art of the story being spun? if i know it’s someone else’s REAL pain and real suffering being poured into this song it makes me so.. uncomfortable. to listen to it in my leisure time and appreciate it musically. when someone’s voice breaks when singing a line it makes me uncomfortable because, yes raw emotion! but knowing that.. there’s a real reason why their voice cracked, why they have such intense emotion.. it’s just, how can i celebrate that? and then i find it hard to enjoy the song or relate to it myself, because it’s about the musician’s experience, not mine. i know they released it to the public for a reason but it still feels like i’m co-opting someone else’s experiences and pain for myself, and i have no business doing that

SO I GUESS it’s just. idk. it’s more personally enjoyable when there’s a line drawn between the musician and the music. and also i think there’s a lot more room for artistic exploration and storytelling when you’re no longer restricted to only what you know and have experienced

it’s just, you can write a book or poem in the first person, but people don’t assume that “I” is referring to the author, right? so why can’t we extend that to music too. 

TL;DR when we talk about songs, can we please just refer to the pov person as the speaker rather than the singer/lyric writer themself? unless they’ve confirmed that this is written about their experiences, i just think it’d be more respectful and artistically freeing

[agirlinhell]

Just in case y’all missed it or didn’t look at Clementine’s updated bio, here are a few things you need to know that are a distinct and unique part of my portrayal of her that I DO NOT want anyone stealing! Beware of spoilers and mature themes and post length! If you see anyone stealing these headcanons, please IM me.

-Clementine is an eclectic witch with an intrigue for the occult and all things magical. She takes elements from African Witchcraft, Animism, Art Witchcraft, Astrology Witchcraft, Crystal Witchcraft, Dianic Witchcraft, Divination, Elemental Witchcraft, Kemeticism, Floral Witchcraft, Green Witchcraft, Hearth / Kitchen Witchcraft, Hellenism, Lunar Witchcraft, Musical Witchcraft, Sea / Water Witchcraft and Hoodoo to make her own type of magic.

-Clementine is demibiromantic and demibisexual - most times she has no preference between men and women, but sometimes this fluctuates in preferences, i.e sometimes she prefers the company of males over females and vice versa.

-When she was younger, from ages eight to eleven, she would start to draw vent art, especially after the incident at the St. John’s Dairy - and often times this consisted of rather dark imagery. She stopped at age twelve.

-Clementine is racially ambiguous. She identifies as Black / African-American, but it is possible that she may be descended from other none-African races further back in the family tree, though this is debatable. Regardless, Clementine does not know her true heritage nor is it likely she ever will, and it’s not like she can take a DNA test. However, regardless of belief, it's highly unlikely that Clementine will ever know her true heritage, and as such, she identifies as Black / African-American, even if there is the possibility of her being mixed.

-Clementine identifies as Cisgender Female / Demigirl so thus she uses she/her/ and they/them pronouns. She’s still experimenting with her gender identity and discovering herself. 

-Clementine is very androgynous, especially in her youth during the events of Season Two. Many individuals at Howe’s thought she was a boy.

-In her default verse, Clementine is eighteen, as it is set a few months after the events of The Final Season.

-Clementine is a proud Scorpio - and a Scorpio Queen at that.

-In her default verse, Clementine is leader and Headmistress of Ericson’s Boarding School For Troubled Youth, to which it is later renamed The Enlightenment - Aasim is the one who came up with the name because the previous suggestions that Violet gave out were considered quite informal but Clementine and Violet sometimes call the school the name they chose as a private joke.

-The Enlightenment is not only a settlement in it’s own right, but it also doubles as a sanctuary for the lost and the refugees from the wars outside of their borders and an actual school in the apocalypse. The settlement becomes formidable and renown for it’s neutrality and safe environment, and survivors from more established communities send their children to learn there.

-Clem was raised in a mild Christian household before the outbreak; she was an agnostic during the events of Season Two to Season Three: A New Frontier, and in present time, she is Pantheistic and a believer of the Greek Pantheon but will occasionally pray to and brings offerings to Egyptian gods such as Bastet and Sekhmet. She mostly prays and brings offerings to Hecate, Persephone, Aphrodite, Athena and Artemis, but will also pray to Apollo, Demeter, Dionysus, Hermes, Hestia, Harmonia, Nemesis, the Muses and the Charites. Yet her patron goddess that she prays to most will always be Hecate, the goddess of crossroads, entrance-ways, light, the night, the moon, magic, witchcraft, knowledge of herbs and poisonous plants, ghosts, sorcery and necromancy. Despite all this, she is very open minded to other religions and faiths, and even those who don’t have a faith.

-She believes in past lives and reincarnation, and that there is life on other planets.

-Honestly, at this point, after seeing humans literally rise from the dead and start devouring people, she’ll most likely believe in anything considered “occult”, “mystical” or “magical”.

-She speaks English (mother tongue), Spanish (intermediate, taught by the Garcia family), French (beginner, self taught, Louis teaches her a bit as well), American Sign Language (in a verse where Louis loses his tongue, self taught, intermediate, post-The Final Season), Latin (self taught, beginner, post-The Final Season), and Korean (beginner, taught by James, post-The Final Season) in default. She hopes she can learn more languages in the future, because of just how essential it is for communication in the apocalypse.

-Clementine has up to the middle of her calf on her left leg amputated by AJ after she was bit by a walker - often uses crutches to move around, but this advances to using a wheelchair or riding on her mare, Epona, when she wants to speed up her pace, and this evolves into a wooden foot and then a prosthetic foot via trade with other settlements.

-What is truly concerning, however, is her mental health: Clementine is psychologically damaged. Depressive disorder, PTSD, Anxiety, abandonment issues, suffers with hallucinatory episodes from time to time, she is an insomniac. Survivor's guilt. Self-loathing tendencies. Sociopathic tendencies. Suicidal tendencies. Possible messiah complex. She has the possibility of becoming an addict to drugs or alcohol if she is not careful and has suffered from substance abuse after her exile from The New Frontier whilst in Prescott at a young age. She could potentially have a "hero complex," with her inherent desire to help those around her, despite being unable to help herself, and having a compulsion to make the world right. She dislikes her reality which is mostly portrayed as polluted, dull and disheartening, full of the dead walking among the living, human trafficking, anarchy and homelessness, and struggles to cope with everyday life but it has improved post-The Final Season. 

-Clementine's lived in borderline poverty and homelessness for most of her young life and she has faced the possibility of prostitution at a very young age in Prescott in order to survive and this obviously leads her to having trust issues. Clementine was for the most part, lonely, and did not have friends or family, as everyone else had either betrayed her or died.

-She has heightened senses. 

-Clementine also has a deep fear of illness. She lived for a very long time in the wilderness with the groups she’s been with, especially in Larry’s case and his frequent heart attacks to the point where it indirectly lead to his own death by Kenny’s hands and then lived on the streets of Prescott and received very minimal medical care, for this, she can be absurdly clean to the point it’s a little jarring. Even a simple cold can make her worry as she had no way to provide for herself if ill, it reminds her of the extreme situations she endured. 

-She suffers in silence as a survivor of sexual abuse - she has never told anyone of her experiences. 

-She's self harmed and attempted suicide on multiple occasions in her past, both at a very young age. She hasn’t done either of these things since she was twelve years old.

-Clem still dreams of Lee and her loved ones and talks to them as if they were still there with her. 

-While Clementine is not completely cured of her depression and her mental illnesses, it is also noticeable that she is no longer suffering from it as much as she was before, and some of her mental health is under her control.

-Clem worked as a Former Supply Runner, Patroller, Hunter, Medic and Fighter for The New Frontier.

-She was a Former Spy, Beggar, Thief, Arsonist and Child Mercenary For Hire and has been a Bar Owner and a Businesswoman of many trades - almost that of a Gang Leader in Prescott - all at a young age.

-Clementine ends up taking Tennessee and Willy under her wing and thinks of them almost the same way as she would AJ - her younger brothers or her sons - it’s complicated, but she loves them very much.

-After the events of The Final Season, Tenn shows up quite often in her room at night because he cannot sleep due to the recent trauma he’s endured and asks her for advice or alternatively, to sing him to sleep. She gladly does so. 

-Clementine’s maternal grandmother was a Voodoo practitioner. Clem can still remember her, but only vaguely. Her grandmother had intended on teaching her granddaughter Voodoo but the outbreak hit before she could.

-Post-The Final Season, Clementine and the group takes care of nine stray cats who she’s named Luna, Hazel, Sol, Serena, Rai, Brynjar, Oreo, Pepper, and Stella. She and AJ take care of a little box turtle that they’ve named Franklin. Three stray, friendly foxes also make their way around the school, a white fox, a black fox, and a red fox, to which Clementine and the group began naming Aurora, Agni and Aenar. Determinantly, Clementine has her own horse that she stole from the Delta and named it Epona after the mare began taking a liking to the girl. Clementine rides her often whenever she feels stressed and they share a great bond.

-Clementine’s full name is Clementine Maria Jasmine Cree, but will use the surname Everett in honor of her protector and adoptive father figure. “Clementine” is “Mercy” in Latin, “Maria” is the Latinized form of “Mary” whom is a respected figure in many religions - notably Christianity and Islam - whom is the mother of the savior of the world; it has several different meanings: “sea of bitterness”, “sea of sorrow”, “rebellion”, “wished-for-child” and “mistress or lady of the sea.”, “Jasmine” is a Persian word meaning “Gift from God” or “God’s Gift” and it is also named after the Jasmine flower, which holds significant cultural, symbolic and religious significance in countries like India, Hawaii, Indonesia, Pakistan, the Philippines, Syria, Thailand and the United States. It symbolizes motherhood, love, respect, beauty, sensuality, appreciation, good luck, purity, and romance. “Cree” means “Highly Spirited”. “Everett” - a surname that Clementine takes on as a momentum to her mentor, Lee Everett, comes from the Old English word eoforheard which means “brave as a wild boar”.

-She is directly descended from a Voodoo Queen in New Orleans, she also has ancestral ties to the Maroons and many of her ancestors were bokor or caplata, meaning male and female Vodou witches. Many of her recent ancestors were skilled in music. Her relations tie back to Ancient Egypt and other great African empires, many of them were explorers, travelers and sailors, whilst others were horsemen and feared archers and warriors. Clementine has no knowledge of any of this, nor is it likely she ever will discover this revelation.

-Post-The Final Season, Clementine lets her hair grow out a little longer. She lets her hair loose, especially when the colder seasons pass through as it covers her neck and just past her shoulderblades. When styling her hair, she often chooses protective styles in traditional African styles such as Afro Puffs, Bantu Knots, braids, and cornrows.

-As an eclectic witch, she likes using glyphs, sigils, runes, colored candles, metals, herbs, oils, crystals, special stones, rocks, seashells, animal skulls, flowers and plants to use in her spells and to decorate her room. She has a grimoire that she write her past in, the history of magic and how she initiated, an appendix of crystals, herbs, plants and trees, spells, ingredients, prayers, incantations, rituals, holidays, zodiacs, planets and celestial bodies, gods/goddesses/deities, their powers and how to worship them, the planes of existence, animals, mythical creatures, demonology, dragonlore, necromancy, the dark arts, books to use as references, colors, altars, recipes while cooking / baking in spells, magical objects, spiritualism, mythologies of several cultures around the world, symbols, sigils, the phases of the moon, flower language from the Victorian Era and fan language. Luckily, the school is quite large and the library is being rebuilt and books are generously donated by other settlements through trade. Clementine’s knowledge skyrockets in adulthood, quite impressive for a girl who had once been in first grade.

-In the colder seasons, such as autumn and winter, she tends to wear more to clothing with furs on and inside them if she manages to acquire them. Some of the outfits she wears consists of her own homemade outfits of animal furs she had skinned herself. Clementine wears an Omega necklace that Louis gives her, symbolizing the end of something. In current plots, she wears a opal crystal pendant necklace around her neck, hanging down to about her chest as a gift from The Commonwealth; it’s her birthstone and she believes it could grant her luck among other things. She often makes her friends and family fur cloaks to keep them warm.

-She begins taking an intrigue in playing musical instruments, notably the piano, but has started playing the flute, the violin and the harp. Clem is mostly focused on learning her piano lessons as of now, though.

[karak9]

Another stupid long post about how I don't know my own fucking gender

This is honestly just copied and pasted from a yt comment I made on an older vid and I figured I'd share it here bc tumblr loves this shit I guess lol. God damn I've been questioning my gender for so long and ik rn im prob not still in the best position to be thinking about deep life shit like where I am mentally and im dealing with a lot in my life and also very insecure about potentially being trans bc a lot of my friends don't seem like they would be very accepting and my bf is only really into girls. I asked him how he would feel if I was nonbinary or looked like a boy and he just said he wasn't totally sure but he's only attracted to girls :c he's the sweetest bf in existence and im honestly so afraid of losing him, so aside from obviously not wanting to deal with all the other trans shit, I definitely hope im not trans bc I don't wanna lose him. Anyways, ill start with my childhood I guess. I was always super tomboyish. My older sisters (im the youngest sibling btw) were always p tomboyish so maybe I kinda got it from them but I kinda felt like I was more tomboyish than them? I felt like I was the most boyish girl I knew, like even meeting other tomboy girls in elementary school I felt like I couldn't really relate to them or like they couldnt relate to me enough idk. I also remember once making up a song about being like so tomboyish that I was basically a boy or something along those lines and sang it to my best friend at the time who I copied like all the fkin time (it honestly wasnt healthy lmao I didn't have good parents, also I think I started making up songs bc she did that and I wanted to like impress her), but she thought it was stupid and weird so I just forgot about it and moved on. I was embarrassed to even enjoy playing with dolls or play dress up games online and was determined to play masculine games like runescape (even tho I ended up doing girly shit in runescape anyways lmao) and considered myself one of the guys. In 5th grade when I started needing to wear a bra I absolutely didn't want to, tho some girls in my class thought it was weird I didn't wear a bra when they found out and that made me more insecure about it, but since then I've p much only worn sports bras. I have bought some more normal bras bc I wanted to look attractive in them for my SO or whatever but I still highly prefer my sports bras and can't stand wearing the other ones unless I have to bc my sports bras aren't clean lmfao. I always hated talking about genitalia and breasts n shit but that could just be bc of how I was raised and how my family was always so strict and such radical Christians and anything sex related was a sin, idk if its dysphoria or not. I've never rlly liked my chest and hated showing cleavage like so god damn much and still do but maybe that's the same thing or maybe I just want smaller boobs and that's it idk??? Like I'd want to appear to have a completely flat chest at least, idk if I'd want to actually like have a guy chest or not? Also huge issue with ppl seeing me naked or touching my boobs but again idk if that's gender related or just a normal issue I have. Tho I had a friend in high school (a girl, a very weird lewd girl) who would occasionally grope my chest randomly and it wasn't a huge issue but kinda made me uncomfortable and more aware of my chest. I really like when I wear big hoodies or when I lean over so my shirt kinda poofs out and it looks like I have a flat chest underneath. Though im not super uncomfortable with my boobs, like normally ill want nothing to do with them but I don't mind my SO touching them especially if they're really into it. I wouldn't say im rlly dysphoric about between my legs either, like yeah I think its weird and I hate monthlies and stuff but I think that's normal. I think if i woke up one day and had a dick I would be fine with it, I'd prob even enjoy it tbh lmao. I once had a dream that i was, well, a male dog like,,, ya know, with a female dog, and not to sound weird af (hey we were both dogs ok) but I think i kinda enjoyed it? I don't really remember any other dreams where I remember actually having a dick or feeling it but I've had several dreams as a male person, but p much all of them were like, I was seeing through a character's eyes or smth, not really that I was a guy, so idk if that's normal. I have the same dreams about being other girl characters, I'd say its split about 50/50. Because of this game community im in, a lot of ppl assume im a guy, and a lot of people still think im a guy and I haven't really bothered to correct them but idk if I find it more enjoyable bc its funny or if I enjoy not being referred to as female for once. I'll admit I feel most comfortable referred to as they/them, like without a doubt, if I could go by only 1 set of pronouns for the rest of my life it would be they/them. But ik that's not enough to call myself trans. I definitely wouldn't want to be 100% male. Like if I imagine myself as a grown man vs a grown woman id prob choose to be a woman. I don't like my voice but I think that's mostly just bc I sound 10 years younger than I actually am, and wouldn't really want a deep/masculine voice. Like a "tomboy" voice would be fine if that makes sense? I don't want facial hair or want to have a masculine body, I like that I have curves and soft skin and small hands. Personally I like my hair long bc its soft and people love it, but sometimes I kinda wish I had short hair and could pass as a boy. Like I'd wanna be a typical cute kpop boy ngl lmfao. I like the whole cute androgynous/feminine boy look and wish I could pull it off. Tho I also like really girly things sometimes and am okay being seen as a girl, i just want to be cute and attractive. Ik whether im trans or not I like being a mix of feminine and masculine, tho I admit in the past I've been kinda insecure bc I used to be super sure I was nb and thought me liking girly things and wanting to still havd long hair and wear girly clothes made me seem like "not trans enough" or whatever. But i guess here I am questioning myself again anyways. If I am nb, it sucks that ill never really be able to be openly myself and all but I've accepted by now that I kinda have to pick a binary and choose what I want to be seen as for the rest of my life, and im ok with being female. There are some things I dont like about my body whether they're really gender related or not but I can't afford to transition and wouldn't like most of the effects of T and am afraid of surgery and not sure I want top surgery enough to ever get it anyways, but I think if we lived in a perfect world and I could magically change my body at will and I wasnt afraid of judgment or being unattractive or whatever, I'd probably want to look androgynous and itd be cool to be able to change my genitalia at will lmao. If I had to choose 1 genitalia over the over I honestly have no idea what I'd choose but I have no desire to ever get bottom surgery, at the same time tho I honestly wanna someday get surgery or w/e to never be able to get pregnant. I just could not handle pregnancy or giving birth and I don't even like babies and breast feeding sounds awful so if I ever have kids they will be adopted 100% and most likely be older and like not newborn babies lmfao, babies are honestly so weird to me and they stink and cry and they're so fragile and im so afraid of like dropping them when I hold them lmao. But I like my nieces and nephews and I like being the cool aunt (is there a gender neutral version of aunt/uncle?) who lets them use my art supplies and helps them do fun stuff even if I get tired of them sometimes lol. Idk if that's gender related either but yeah I guess. This if kind of a more recent thing but I often say I'd make a great bf kinda as a joke bc of how I am in relationships like being the stereotypical sweet bf type who makes things for their partner a lot and wants to be their knight in shining armor and their protector and all that, but again prob not rlly trans related lmao just thought I'd throw that out there I guess. So when I was 17 was when I really started getting into trans stuff, prior to that I mostly just learned from my parents that trans ppl were "against god" and all that bs, and eventually started realizing lgbt+ isn't as bad as my family said and later realized I was bi. But anyways I met an agender person online when i was 17ish and I'd never heard it before and thought it was really interesting and asked them how you know you're agender bc after hearing their explanation of it i thought it described how I felt, but ofc they weren't transmed and just described it as being like a deep feeling or whatever and since then i started calling myself agender (and switched between a few labels but basically nonbinary) until my transmed friend told me I was ridiculous and that I wasn't trans, and honestly he was a huge dick but im a huge pushover lmao and I thought well he's trans so he must know what he's talking about, and though I felt discouraged about it I stopped calling myself nonbinary. Then I began questioning it again after not too long and basically since then I've been questioning my gender off and on. I'm now 22 and god I fucking hope im cis but also I feel like a part of me doesn't want to be cis if that makes sense?? Idk if that's because I don't like being a girl for some weird deep reason I don't know about despite being pretty sure I've gotten a lot of my feelings and their reasons behind them figured out, or if it's because I am trans and dont want to force myself to pretend im a girl 100% forever. At the very least, whatever the fuck my gender is, I want to continue going by they\them wherever I can and pretending to be a boy to strangers online and I'd love to cosplay male characters and bind and occasionally just dress masculine for the hell of it and probably wear sports bras for the rest of my life. I feel like in a way I cang possibly be trans because I can live with all of those things and be fairly comfortable still being seen as female for the rest of my life. But idk, I have bpd and other mental shit so sometimes im not great with my feelings (tho I do try really hard to identify all of my feelings/emotions and stuff) but at the same time bpd can cause weird identity shit so maybe its just a weird mix of a bunch of crap and im not actually trans but just weird and tomboyish enough to question my gender for 5 years and still be unsure. Also I know a lot of ppl suggest talking to a therapist/psychologist/whatever professional and trust me I would love to but I can't currently and am unsure when ill be able to bc they're expensive and I live in the middle of fucking nowhere so finding a decent therapist around where I live rn is going to be very difficult. Also, I have fucking crippling social anxiety lmao like I'd be so afraid to open up about this stuff even to a professional. So if anyone could suggest anything online that could help that would be amazing

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

Sarazanmai 3 - 6 | Fruits Basket 2 - 7 | OPM 2 2 - 7 | BSD 3 3 - 6 | Demon Slayer 4 - 7 | Shield Hero 17 - 20

I’ll be rolling out the tags around about the time of this post.

Sarazanmai 3

Kisu = kissu (kiss). Update: Or kisu (on the right side of my equation). You do you, subbers.

Goma-ae.

Gomennassara! (Oh, I get it…!)

It never occurred to me that a “micanga” was a bead or small pierced round object of some sort. I thought it was a race track sort of thing, but for soccer. Update: It’s a bracelet/anklet thing.

Wait, so what brought on this change of heart from Kazuki??? Is it like the 1st episode, where it was a daydream that was cleverly presented as real? Update: Yep.

Oh…have you noticed all the victims of Reo and Mabu’s scheme are men of the NEET/freeter age, or approaching that?

Notably, the signature pose of the Sarazanmai seems to be similar to the one Kazuki and Enta did in the soccer team.

I find it interesting that Enta is now the initiator of the Sarazanmai and thus the one to steal the shirikodama. I mean, he used to be the one with the least stakes in the Dish of Hope scenario…and now look at him!

Ooh, Toi is sharpening his ruler! (Or whatever you do in Touken Ranbu with that lil’ beater of his.)

Oh wait, I forgot Ikuhara always has a last-minute twist! Go back, go back!

It seems like Haruka has some kind of illness…hmm. Update: Oh, it’s not an illness per se…spoke too soon.

Haruka’s talking about the Little Prince…hmm. Last time I really bothered to engage with that story in any form was Star Driver.

Fruits Basket 2

I don’t think I ever really chose a side on the Kyo vs Yuki debate, but I guess I always subtly sided with Yuki (even though the end pairing is Tohru and *bleep*). <- sorry, had to censor myself

“It’s important for me to get to school every day!”

Kabedon! Eeeeee! (LOL, I really am a squealy person at heart, aren’t I?)

The writing says “she misheard [what Yuki said] as ‘being sick’”, so it was quite lucky that the word “sickened” worked in context.

Yuki has some mad ninja skills…LOL.

Shigure in a suit looks goooooooooood, man (<- gender neutral use of “man”).

“…the days ahead will be fun.” – Oh, Tohru, you don’t know how wrong you are…(says someone who completed the manga)

Fruits Basket 3

I’m hearing the OP for the first time…and it sounds like an ED. (Probably because I read some impressions that said the same thing earlier today.)

“…included in the zodiac?”

Ooh! Momiji! Wait, er…I didn’t expect him to be so high-pitched…

Lookit the tiny cat icon on the side! It’s cute!!!

*yells* It’s Kagura!!!!!!!! She ain’t my favourite, but man, is it great to see another familiar face!

I’ve been wondering what the title meant when it said “what year is she?” It means “year of the zodiac”.

Fruits Basket 4

“Shii-chan”…?

Kyo-kun ran away before Kagura even started making dinner…

Was Kyo’s katsudon a joke…? (Cats-udon, geddit?...No?)

“…marriage is a girl’s greatest dream.” – That used to be so, Tohru…nowadays, it ain’t.

Lookit how Kyo’s eyes lit up when he talks about his teacher!

OPM 2 2

That title’s…even more counterintuitive than “OPM 2 1”…hmm.

It’s…kind of dark right now.

I think there was bourbon on the counter. Someone likes to drink around here…

I guess with the mass animation exodus, OPM seems kinda…monologue-y. And cheap…

…nope, I take back my words. They were merely saving up for this action scene.

BSD 28 (S3 Ep 3)

Seriously, what are those metal things Dazai was wearing? Anyways, I like how it’s absolutely the norm that Chuuya swears now and I was part of forming that. Because I don’t swear a lot, I think Chuuya makes a nice outlet for my own frustrations...that’s what could be said, anyway.

D’aww. Someone acknowledges Chuuya’s identity. Ain’t that grand? (Now you see why I like Chuuya more than Dazai these days, huh?)

Come to think of it…a person hasn’t died in this show for a while, have they? It just goes to show you that despite one of its major stars being a guy obsessed with shinjuu (double suicide), the creators seem to be emphasising the sanctity of life itself.

Oh, I never thought they had an explanation for Dazai’s coat…

What is the age difference between Chuuya and Dazai anyway??? They’re both 15 during the LN that’s called that, but the exact difference…what is it? Update: Dazai’s birthday is June 19th and Chuuya’s is April 29th, so the difference is 1 month and 21 days (using the idea that 7 days = a week and May is 30 days, that’s 51 days in all).

Ooh, we’re getting Fyodor, Ace and the unnamed kid soon, aren’t we? That also means we’re in unknown territory for myself, too…hmm.  

OPM 2 3

When did Saitama last meet Charanko anyway? Charanko is voiced by Toshiki Masuda, so I would’ve kept an eye out for him, but the art shift and the years between seasons mean I don’t remember anymore.

Oof, “justice crashed Mumen Rider’s head” is more like it.

CGI banana…Just saying “CGI banana” is funny.

Kimetsu no Yaiba 4

Headpats, headpats all around!

Hooo…boy. I already knew Sabito and Makomo were dead because Crow and Irina’s collab post was called “The Names of Dead Children”, but how it was delivered…was such a powerful move.

I saw the blonde boy who’s in the OP…hmm. Update: His name is Zenitsu, according to the next-ep preview.

OPM 2 4

When comparing this dissection of monsters against Mob Psycho…the biggest monster Mob has is himself…hmm.

I didn’t expect Saitama to actually enter under Charanko’s name with that wig he got…

“…name as a martial artist.”

Mojo for the dojo, it seems this man wants.

I think the centipede senpai is CGI. Hmm…

It’s been years…I’ve forgotten what Ponytail Head’s name is! (And I call OPM one of my favourite series in anime…!)

Sarazanmai 4

“Writers exist between life and death.” – …is Ikuhara expressing his own thoughts on how anime writers are treated…?

I anticipate a soba pun (soba = noodles and soba = beside [someone]).

“…gives a s***…” – Says you, Toi, with the “Golden Poop” in the background. Then again, that’s just an English pun. Don’t mind me.

Comic Sans…you can’t escape it, even in this day and age…

Yude = to boil, soba…is the noodles. (The “o” on the end of the Monster of the Week’s first name means “man”.) Ikuhara uses Monster of the Week names in service of symbolism, while Takamatsu uses inconsistency for the sake of humour.

Intetestingly, there’s a spiralling blue thing in the background of the dance number and it says “soba” (katakana) and “desire” (yokubou, in kanji).

The headline translates to “Tragedy! It was next to me, but then…” (Kigeki! Sakki made soba ni ita noni…) The subbers had to accommodate the soba pun though, so they went with “so bar away”.

Hmm…now Toi takes centre stage…

2007, huh? How old are Kazuki and co. again?

This is probably the least surprising secret of all, y’know. Also, I think Keppi and Kazuki have cucumbers in their mouths.

They have subs for Stand By Me now!!! Oh mai globbb!

W-Wuh?! I can see why he’d hate Haruka (feelings of “why don’t my parents look at me the way they look at him anymore?”), but…this really turns this entire story on its head!

Kimetsu no Yaiba 5

Interestingly, the “My” in the episode title is Onore (an “I” indicating professionalism).Come to think of it…what is Tanjiro’s pronoun of choice?

Aww…the fact Tanjiro kinda looks like the demon’s (previous body’s…?) bro made the scene kinda cute. Possibly, it could be even enough to drive someone to tears…not that I was driven to tears, of course.

Well, here’s Zenitsu.

This angry kid reminds me of Mike Teevee (from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory). He seems like a rival, but he’ll disappear soon enough. Also, LOL, a sparrow instead of a crow.

“…my whole body hurts.” – Welp, that’s what happens when you lose sleep fighting demons for 7 days straight…

Why the obvious names? (re: Haganezuka – that is, hagane means “steel”…also, Nichirin contains the character for “sun” (at least, I think so…?) and Yoko can be understood to be/homophonous to the word for “sunlight”)

Tanjiro, son of Tanjuro…LOL. That was probably deliberate – it means the first son follows in the father’s footsteps.

For some reason, I wanted Haganezuka to pop out of the comic for the next-ep preview…aww.

Shield Hero 17

How many times did Fitoria say “I’m going to kill the heroes” and Naofumi say variants of “no”? Because of that, I had half a mind to jump ship and head to RobiHachi instead…but keep going.

That cowlick stuff was probably the most fun I’ve had with this show in a while…heh.

Oh great…Naofumi expanded his pseudo-harem to two bird waifus…then again, I had a stupid grin on my face seeing Fitoria’s old master, so maybe it’s not all bad, y’know?

Post-credits scene…keep watching!

Wah-wait…what the heck was that explosion???!!!

BSD 29 (S3 Ep 4)

That’s…Topaz (unofficial name)…ohhhhhhhh dear…

Oooh, Katai! Katai! Yay!!! (As you can tell, I had a very small thing for Katai. He reminds me of En-chan, y’see.)

The CGI in this OP…you can tell there’s quite a bit of it, huh?

It’s Deadmau5 (as the fandom used to joke)!

Fyodor’s eyes of disgust as Topaz dries his hair…hmm.

Older Topaz looks surprisingly like Oda…I don’t remember that exact shot, but it might’ve been in the manga. His background also reminds me of Chuuya’s.

OPM 2 Ep 4 (OPM 18)

“Irksome insect”…says the giant insect.

I think I saw a 7-11 pastiche in the background.

Why does the bird have a human hand in his belly? What??? (LOL)

This tournament arc don’t feel so hype, now that MHA’s is over…

Someone likes Donkey Kong… (referring to Marshal Gorilla and the other Kong guy (Heavy Kong))

Sarazanmai 5

…oh wow. Y’mean Kazuki is adopted???

“Why don’t you say anything, even though you know about me now?” (from Toi) – Probably because Kazuki is as f***ed up as you are, if not worse.

What are those sparkles coming off Sara’s face…? Not sure if they’re a shoujo thing or just…gratuitous sparkles.

LOL, Nioino Fukuro. Basically “pouch of scent” when you insert a space between the second I and the second N and change the first name kanji, plus change the “no” to hiragana.

I know the title of the song is Kawausoiya (translates to “awful otters” or something like that), but “soiya” doesn’t make much sense on its lonesome.

Wait…does that mean Sara is the creature? Or there are two Saras that can look the same, but one looks like the human and one is more kappa-like???

For some reason, I’m getting changeling vibes here…that Kazuki wants to look different to the rest of his family because he knows he’s different.

Hey…there’s this thing called the tourist gaze. It argues that because people create notions of reality differently, people have different ideas of what makes a trip “good” and “authentic”. In the same sense, Haruka’s “false” connection with Kazuki!Sara has become his reality, so it’s not wrong to say this Sara is real for him.

Oh…I just realised some kanji that appar early in the OP are the kanji for “extraction”.

So, uh…in a sense…can I interpret Kazuki’s love for his real mother a Fruedian thing? It seems all men’s love can be interpreted to be Freudian in some way or another…also, Sara kind of looks like his mother in a very “surface” kind of way. That is, they have a very passing resemblance to each other. Update: I’ve been reading some Stephen King lately and if I took anything away from that experience, it would be that everything is Freudian when it comes to men’s experiences. That’s why I say that.

Kimetsu no Yaiba 6

…*remembers something from the collab that was along the lines of “Astral doesn’t like Tanjiro’s green jacket”* Astral’s not gonna like this, then. (For those who don’t know the context, “Astral” is AstralGemini of the Zodiac Room.)

*Tanjiro is told he might not go very far with his demon slaying* *Tanjiro reacts with happiness that he’s on his way to get Nezuko human again* - Uh…I know I’ve watched my share of shonen, but I kind of didn’t expect that and yet also did.

Ugh…it’s the return of CGI Tanjiro…the vegie patch looks good in CGI though, for some reason.

Lemme guess…with a title like that (Swordsman Accompanying a Demon), could it be that Kazumi is a demon???

“I don’t get it at all.” – LOL…that was unintentionally funny (for the second time in this show, the first being Hand Demon).

BSD 30 (S3 Ep 5)

Moby Dick crashing into Yokohama? It was literally years ago for us!

I’m pretty sure these Park guys didn’t exist in the manga. Update: Nope, they did. I’ve read the corresponding chapter, it’s just that that was also 2 years ago…just like the last we saw of the anime.

I love how the “gyaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!” ended in blood splatter, literally.

The Park guys apparently come from ch. 44 but Katai comes from ch. forty…what? One? Two? It’s not 40 (Hitori Ayumu), that’s all I know.

Katai is a good boy. You’ll see why in…oh, a few seconds.

Oh, I love the ending of this story. I already know the ending, but seeing it again will be a whole new bag of laughs!

Uh…I forgot how much of an interruption the anime’s humour is. My dream of a “whole new bag of laughs” is at least half dashed…*shoulders slump*

Apparently Atsushi cut his hair himself…not sure if that’ll be a spoiler for later, but it’s still something cool to know.

“So it’s your letter?”

Katai is basically me when it comes to my husbandos. See why I love him???

Come to think of it…I haven’t properly listened to the ED yet! Better do that while I still have the chance.

Fruits Basket 5

Shigure is such a troll…just like I remember him.

Fruits Basket 6

Hatori! Ooh! He’s hottttttt! Sizzling!...Okay, I think you get my point already…

I think someone else (Amelia from A Girl and Her Anime…?) pointed this out…but I don’t understand a speck of German outside 1 – 10 (I remembered the German word for “six” way too well when I was younger). So it would help if they bothered to make the German English as well.

For some reason, the stick figure was both obviously a cost-cutting measure and also elevated the hilarity of that scene…!

I don’t quite know what the Japanese equivalent of the “macaroni and cheese” thing was, but it conveys the same idea in the two languages and makes people laugh along the way, so…*shrugs shoulders* Makes sense, I guess.

Tohru is kandou about meeting an author. Kandou means to be deeply moved (noun form).

LOL, Hanajima reading the book.

…Oh my goodness. I just realised Fruits Basket has a lot of characters with fringes. 90s fringes for everyone!

“…a cartoon about a cat and a rat that are always fighting…” - Come to think of it, Tom and Jerry is popular in Japan.

Shield Hero 18

I think this episode title ends in inbou, which means “intrigue”.

This show is clearly trying to play the same cards over and over again…

Shield Hero 19

Hypocrites! Hypocrites everywhere! *does Buzz Lightyear hand gesture from the meme*

OPM 19 (S2 Ep 6)

The reason the fat guy is called Dave is not just because of B/V confusion, but because debu (without the line in the middle) is a slang word for…wait for it…”fatty”.

Interestingly, Murata previously worked on a oneshot called Gokiburi Buster. I wonder if this Cockroach Boi is from there…?

Did you notice the guys behind the umpire, who had a stretcher at the ready…?

“Mr Saynuthin” seems to be “Nanmoien-san” in Japanese.

“Waganma” seems to be a play on wagamama, or selfish. However, I can’t pin down the pun in the father’s name...

Well, well, well…at least someone acknowledges Speed of Sound Sanic (the ninja, not the CGI abomination or the monkey) is hecka-speedy.

Charanko (the real one)…he has ashi no ura (the back of the foot) written on his bandages…LOL.

Sarazanmai 6

Apparently Kazuki’s (foster) family all wear the same kind of stripes…which is what Kazuki means when he doesn’t want to wear the same kind of clothes as his family.

Okay…so the first set of kanji that appear in the OP are the one for “desire” and the ones after that are “extraction”…geddit? (LOL)

Oh my glob…how in the name of Iyami does Osomatsu-san get so popular that after I watched the first season of that show, it starts appearing in other places as well????

I saw a translation of the Reo and Mabu tweets and apparently at least one of them can make ningyoyaki (a type of cake you can make in all sorts of shapes – scroll down a bit on that page and you’ll find the description of ningyoyaki there).

Uhh…ghh…Keppi pole dancing was disturbing…*soul floats out of body temporarily*

Reo (I think that’s Reo, at least) has ningyoyaki…Update: Yup, that’s Reo.

“Headdress”, huh?

Why does this episode 6 feel like ending material…?

Wait…you’re saying Reo and Mabu are princes of the otter kingdom??? Wuh???

BSD 31 (S3 Ep 6)

(Lucy blushes) Wow…now there’s an option for a het ship right there…not that anyone will take it.

I saw a GIF of Atsushi floating naked and face down in the water (because Irina), but…I forgot exactly how the scenario before it went, so I LOLled.

Oh yeah…this chapter had a tie-in with Mizuki Tsujimura, because Mizuki knew Kyoka’s mother. Also, it shows you can inherit Abilities…

It’s Truck-kun and the curse of the isekai!...Okay, I’m kidding.

Oh yeah…this is the chapter about the Headmaster…

I haven’t been in a good place mentally for the past few years or so, due to my world basically fragmenting around me, so the words “don’t hate yourself” are strong ones coming from a place both nostalgic and new.

Dazai inherits a particularly interesting space in Atsushi’s life. He’s like a brother and father wrapped up into one (Kunikida is the nagging mother in that analogy, LOL), but also obsessed with suicide to the point he can also be a liability.

“…didn’t tell anyone…”

It’s also interesting to compare Tohru (of Fruits Basket) and Atsushi. They’re both selfless, but Tohru’s selflessness is shown to be a double-edged sword while Atsushi’s gives him a lot of resentment but is overall a positive thing.

Aww…seeing Atsushi slowly tear up almost made me tear up too…

Fitzgerald Rising…that’s the name of the chapter where…oh, sorry. It’s been years, so I’ll let it all play out for you and me again without mentioning any spoilers until they happen in (close to) real time in the show, okay?

Fruits Basket 7

This is the first time there’s been English lyrics on the OP for this show…I think.

Who’s this “he” Tohru’s referring to when examining the woman’s picture? Akito, probably, but I’m not 100% sure…Update: It was Hatori, actually.

“Shii-san”, “Haa-san” etc. is…cute. *cue “O kawaii koto…” from Kaguya-sama*

I get the feeling that Shigure is almost like a prototype Dazai (Bungou Stray Dogs). Or they just have a lot in common.

“Are these my just desserts?”

Demon Slayer 7

Nezuko’s playing whack a mol-er, demon, isn’t she??? (LOL)

Whoa…it must be mighty freaky to be floating in a swamp of dead people’s possessions…

Welp, Tanjiro…that’s one way to say “hands off my sister”. *nods* By cutting the demon’s hands off…

I like the contrast between Tanjiro’s callused hands and Kazumi’s smooth ones.

Hey…why does food always get wasted in movies and other media…? I know I’m applying real-life consumption habits to media, but it always looks quite wasteful, y’know…?

OPM 20 (S2 Ep 7)

I never noticed that shot of Watchdog Man in the OP before…huh.

Pig God’s shirt says DEV. It’s a pun on debu (fatty)…again.

Ooh! I saw him in the OP! Flashy Flash! I’ve never seen him in action outside the OP before, but I know his name and appearance from reading around.

“You all are the strongest swordsmen we have.”

Seriously, Saitama, just get something to stick the wig on and you wouldn’t have gotten into this mess. Maybe superglue…(okay, I’m kidding about the superglue).

OPM got really childish this time…