#go easy on me i'm new to xiv

[myreia]

Sand & Stone

Rating: G Pairing: Aureia Malathar / Thancred Waters Words: 1915 Notes: Takes place early in the post-ARR patches. Major spoilers ARR ending spoilers (for sprout friends). Headcanons running wild. Read on Ao3

Aureia finds him on the roof.

He sits with a knee pulled into his chest, his hands clasped firmly around it. The breeze rustles his hair as it sweeps through the air, carrying the scent of salt and brine. Sheathed daggers and an aetherometer lie beside him, the burnished goggles glinting in the sun. He straightens, tensing as she approaches—no doubt he heard her arrive. Stealth has never been her forte.

“Is this my call to action?” he asks, not looking at her. Though he speaks with his usual easygoing charm, she hears the hollowness beneath it. He puts up a good fight to pretend it isn’t there, acting as if nothing has changed. But a façade is still a façade, no matter how good it is. “Has Minfilia seen fit to request my aid once again?”

She exhales a slow breath and walks briskly across the rooftop. “Not quite,” she says, settling down behind him. Sweeping a lock of black hair behind her ear, she sits back-to-back with him and curls her legs beneath her. “I’m sure she will in due course.”

He makes a strangled sound, so quiet she almost misses it.

Shielding her face with a hand, Aureia casts an eye across the square below. Busy on a good day, Vesper Bay is now positively bustling with traffic. The Scions’ exodus from the Waking Sands is upon them and their final day has attracted a crowd. Porters scurry to and fro, weaving through the milling bystanders as they load the carriages. Y’shtola flits in and out of the chaos directing what she can. Papalymo and Yda, too—even Urianger has set aside his studies to assist. They are easily picked out in the crowd, their white clothes shining like beacons in the noonday sun.

“Besides,” Aureia continues. “I think our friends can manage it.”

She feels him nod and they fall silent. She hesitates, picking absently at her ringbands, the worn leather coarse beneath her fingertips. How long has she had them? It must have been during those early months in Ul’dah, not long before she met…

“Surely you didn’t come all the way up here just for me,” Thancred says. “The famed Warrior of Light has greater things to attend to than little old me.”

Aureia stiffens, her fingers threaded through the ringband. It’s been like this ever since the Praetorium. He’s done his best to avoid her, finding one reason or another to quietly excuse himself should they happen to be in the same room. Gods, she can’t remember the last time they looked each other in the face. Whenever she thinks of it, all she can see is Lahabrea. The way the Ascian stared at her through those familiar eyes, twisting the expression of her closest friend into one of malice and contempt before blasting her with enough magic to toss her like a ragdoll.

If not for Hydaelyn’s protection, she would have died. Even now, she bears the marks of the fight, her body bruised and burnt and aching. Despite all her training, she never felt more powerless. Magic is her domain, her area of expertise. But no matter how quickly or cleverly she wove her spells, the Ascian was always one step ahead. She barely survived and the incident has left her raw and broken, incapable of casting even the simplest spells. The moment she tries, she is thrown back into the arena, Lahabrea’s cruel laughter ringing in her ears.

Some black mage I am…

Aureia swallows the lump in her throat. She can’t bring herself to blame Thancred for her own faults. He is as scarred by those events as she is—if not more. She can’t imagine what it must have been like for him, to have his body overrun by another, to be complicit in nearly killing her even though he had no control over his own actions…

Seven hells, no wonder he can’t look her in the face.

“…Aur?” Thancred asks quietly, startling her out of her thoughts.

She scuffs a heel against the stone. “I came because I was worried about you. Historically, things haven’t gone well when you disappear for long stretches at a time.”

He chuckles and shifts his weight, pressing his back into hers. “I needed a moment,” he murmurs. “Leaving Thanalan is…”  

“A lot?” she offers.

“I was going to say momentous. This is our home. Of course Urianger has chosen to remain, but even so…”

“I know.” She releases her ringband and places her hand on the ground beside her. The stone is uncomfortably warm to the touch. The heat flares across her palm in a way all too reminiscent of handling magical fire. “I feel it, too.”

Thanalan is her home now. It surprises her how quickly she came to love the rugged sands and desert heat. When she first arrived in Ul’dah, she swore she would never step foot in it again. The city assaulted her senses with sound and smells, confounding her until she lost her way in the labyrinthine streets. Even making her way from the Quicksand to the western gate without losing her way was a challenge in and of itself.

She had never felt more alone in her life. Branded as refugee, ridiculed as a newcomer, and terrified every day that someone might trace her identity back to her Garlean sympathizer parents, she closed herself off. One month, she promised herself. Enough time to accumulate what gil she could by working odd jobs and purchase passage out of the city. It was clear that if Thanalan didn’t want her, she didn’t need Thanalan.

How that has changed. And the person responsible for that is sitting beside you.  

Aureia tilts her head and closes her eyes, half-leaning against Thancred. There’s something comforting and familiar about sitting here with him beneath a vibrant blue sky, basking in the sun as it beats down upon them. “This is good for us,” she says quietly. “The Scions, I mean. We’re exposed here. Ascians, Garleans… it’s only a matter of time before they try again. Mor Dhona will afford us some means of protection we’ve lost.”

“We’re not vacating completely, you know,” he replies. “Are you telling me that when they do return, you’re content to let Urianger take the blow?”

“Let them contend with Urianger, be my guest. I know who’s coming out of that alive.”

He laughs, a deep, shoulder-shaking laugh she feels reverberated through his back. A smile tugs at her lips, but as much as she wants to, she can’t give into it. Once again, they’re dancing around the topic neither them are brave enough to broach. She can’t let it go on like this. Though she has filled her days with work and missions, his absence is an ache in her heart. She needs to talk to him. Properly.

Aureia opens her eyes. “Than—”

“Aur—”

They stop, each biting back as they speak over each other. He sighs and shifts his weight, changing positions. His hand drops to his side and he reaches behind him, his fingers ghosting across hers.

“I never apologized for…” He trails off, fighting with himself as he searches desperately for the right words. “Aur, what I mean to say is that… I’m sorry for dragging you into this. This is my fault. Ifrit, Castrum Centri, the Praetorium. All of it. I never wanted to see you hurt.”

“I know. But it wasn’t your fault. You need to stop blaming yourself—”

He stiffens. “But—”

She seizes his hand. “Listen to me for once, all right?” she interrupts fiercely. “Every time you tell Minfilia that you’ve recovered and want to return to your duties, you’re lying to yourself. You can’t bear the guilt for something over which you had no control. If you’re going to move forwards, you have to acknowledge that. This is no easy life we’ve chosen for ourselves. What happens the next time something like this occurs? Or the next? You have to let it go.”

He makes a garbled sound, too taken aback by her ferocity to argue. “When did you become so loquacious?” he says with a shaky little laugh. “I swear, that’s the most I’ve ever heard you say. Maybe I should make you angry more often.”

She makes a face and twists around, craning her neck over her shoulder. “You have impossible standards for yourself, Thancred Waters,” she says. “Keep this up and you’re going to bleed yourself dry. Take it from someone who knows that all too well.”

A sober silence settles between them. “Your magic hasn’t improved, I take it?” Thancred asks.

Aureia pauses, her teeth scraping her lower lip. Magic has always been so personal to her, as natural to her as drawing breath. To lose her focus, her connection, her innate talent… It’s humiliating. So much so she has barely mentioned it. As far as Minfilia and the rest of the Scions are concerned, there’s nothing wrong with her. She is their Warrior of Light—unbreakable, infallible, and flawlessly reliable.

How wrong they are.

“Maybe I was wrong to think it was my calling,” she says, twining her fingers with his. “Did I ever tell you that when I was training at the Thaumaturge Guild, Cocobuki asked me what I would do if an opponent closed the distance?”

“No. This is the first I’m hearing of it. What did you say?”

“I told him I would hit them with my staff.”

He snorts with laughter. “The wrong response, I imagine?”

She can’t help but smile. “Quite. He berated me, called me a fool, and told me the correct response was to run away. It wasn’t a lesson easily learned. But considering my current situation, perhaps I should look into it. Until I find a solution for my predicament, I’m useless in the field—”

He turns sharply, the profile of his face cast in shadow. “Not useless. Never useless.”

Aureia’s breath catches in her throat. Slowly, she uncurls her legs and shifts her weight, drawing up beside him. With her hand still entwined with his, she rests her head on his shoulder.

He pauses, tensing with momentary panic. This is the closest they have been in weeks. “Speaking of solutions, I may have one,” he continues. “Or several. As Minfilia still refuses to give me work, I find myself with too much time on my hands. I could train you. If you wanted.”

Her heart clenches, warmth blossoming through her chest. “Thank you, Than,” she replies. “But this is something I need to do for myself.”

She glances up and her eyes meet his. The sun beats down, as brilliant as it is harsh, and she looks at him fully for the first time since the Praetorium. Though there is a part of her that flinches when she sees him and conjures a memory of Lahabrea, it’s easier now to deny it. She won’t let it control her. Lahabrea has taken enough from her. She won’t let him take this, too.

Thancred nods and wraps an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. “I know you will,” he says, resting his forehead against hers. “Don’t lose hope. You’re the most brilliant black mage I know. You conquered it once, you can conquer it again. It will come back, I promise.”

Aureia leans into him, fingers still threaded with his, and together they watch the shimmering waters of Vesper Bay.

[natureplay]

‿୨◌୧‿「Daring Destiny Masterlist」‿୨◌୧‿

“Are you sure you want to play with me?” you ask, staring unsurely at the pool table.

Leon looks at you as he’s chalking his pool cue “It’ll be a fun experience. Are you afraid you might lose?” he taunts.

“Yes,” you say sincerely “I never played before, I don’t see how that’s fair”

“Relax, I’ll go easy on you”

Also on AO3

୨୧ Chap I ◌ Chap II ◌ Chap III ◌ Chap IV ◌ Chap V ◌ Chap VI ◌ Chap VII ◌ Chap VIII ◌ Chap IX ◌ Chap X ◌ Chap XI ◌ Chap XII ◌ Chap XIII ◌ Chap XIV ◌ Chap XV ◌ Chap XVI ◌ Chap XVII ◌ Chap XVIII ◌ Chap XIX ◌ Chap XX ୨୧

More chapters coming soon ✨️

Syonpsys: In an attempt to run away from your past, you start a new life in a new city. One evening while out at the bar, you get involved in two strangers' (truth or) dare game.

「General tags/warnings:」 Leon S. Kennedy x Fem!Reader, Ada Wong x Fem!Reader, fluff, hurt/comfort, slow burn, no use of Y/N, "office romance" kind of, eventual smut, mentions of domestic abuse, cute grandma who cooks you food 🥰, ooc leon (he can drive without crashing 😱)

Notes~

Quick thank you to @amidalashandmaidens  and @tosuckmyweenis for encouraging me to also post it on Tumblr!! Love y'all 😚

So this is my first fanfic ever that I already posted on AO3 and it's doing fairly good. English is not my first language! I'm here to have fun and simp for Leon 🙏

[keilahseverin]

Spell your URL: keilahseverin

Spell out your URL using song titles that can describe your muse, then tag as many people as there are letters in your URL!

Tagged by @humblemooncat and @bananarose yessss 2x tags means 2x effort let's goooo

My URL = one of my WOL's name because I am so very creative haha.

This was HARD, but uhhh I made it hard on myself. I approached this a little differently from the description above and built a "soundtrack" based on Keilah's story. I had several criteria for picking songs here:

Can't pick two songs from the same band or source.

The lyrics of the song, if any, have to be relevant to Keilah's personality or life somehow.

The overall vibe of the song has to fit Keilah.

No FFXIV OST, that would be too easy (but other FF titles were fair game... even though none of them made the cut, lul).

I think the criteria worked, because I was able to fish around in my library and memory for a collection of songs that I think represents Keilah well in many different ways! (Plus, new story brainworms moved in how about that??)

If you decide to do this challenge, I encourage you to find a fun way to represent your muse that makes sense for you! Song titles, songs from OSTs only, whatever :)

---

Here is the soundtrack:

K - Kid A, Radiohead - I slip away, I slipped on a little white lie

E - E. Is Stable, Menomena - Coldness sets in like fingernails raked across the door

I - I Walked, Sufjan Stevens - I would not have run off, but I couldn't bear that it's me, it's my fault

L - La cathédrale engloutie (The Sunken Cathedral), Debussy - The slow, quiet buildup conjuring images of a drowned cathedral slowly emerging from the sea... only for the waves to roll back in, engulfing the cathedral, as they ever have. I can't help but picture Keilah's big discoveries about her own past taking place during this song. Okay and maybe I cheated a little using the French version of the name "But Keilah there is also an S in your name" Yes shhh quiet it's okay shhhhh.

A - Area Zero, multiple composers/arrangers (Pokémon Scarlet & Violet OST) [potential Pokémon SV late-game spoiler!]- The mysterious feel of this track-- like you're stumbling upon knowledge you shouldn't be witness to-- fits well with Keilah's personal journey.

H - Hand in my Pocket, Alanis Morissette - I'm sad, but I'm laughing. I'm brave, but I'm chicken shit. I'm sick, but I'm pretty, baby

S - Sacrifice, The Weeknd - Every time you try to fix me, I know you'll never find that missing piece

E - Emil (Sacrifice), Keiichi Okabe (Nier Replicant 1.22... OST) - "There are as many ways to view the world as there are people in it."

V - Valley of Calm Trees, Klaxons - While passing through the clouds of diamond dust as two mock suns arise beside our one, the sun-dogs guide the way towards the east and set behind the valley of calm trees

E - Exit This Earth's Atomosphere, Camellia - keilahbossfight.mp3

R - Recover, Chvrches - And if I recover, will you be my comfort? Or it can be over. Or we can just leave it here

I - Invincible, Muse - Don't give up the fight. You will be alright, 'cause there's no one like you in the universe

N - No One Knows, Queens of the Stone Age - I drift along the ocean, dead lifeboat in the sun, and come undone

---

Tagging 13 people here we go, 0 pressure to do this especially if it's not your thing, more of an FYI hi this might be cool if you want: @archaiclumina @miqomonkly @gobbie-boom @ravendas-xiv @ishgardmuffin @umbralaether @irisopranta @emetkoto @arinaxiv @emc2beans @protection-and-pleasure @whimsyxiv @wingedasarath and of course anyone else that stumbles upon this and wants to try!

Feel free to do this with your character's name instead, whatever floats your boat really heh heh.

[somebirdortheother]

Hello dear Birdy. It is I, your favourite YouTuber reviewer, here to bother you about Foundation once again!

Let's get down to it: how fucked that OG!Cleon would lord over The Cell!Demerzel like a little creap, teasing her with the taste of freedom. And I know your opinion on Demerzel has vastly worsened since the heydays (amusing proof that i'm not a native English speaker: I wrote hay days at first and then felt the need to check and realize how dumb I was) of Season One, but come on… Don't you feel a teeny tiny bit of sympathy for her, who's been trapped in pieces for thousands of years?

I have to give it to OG!Cleon though: he didn't set Demerzel free without forethoughts. Many stories rely on the acts of the imbeciles to move certains plotpoints forwards. It would've been so easy to have him act irrationally and to liberate her in a fit of desire. He's an asshole, and it's beyond cruelty, what he did to Demerzel, but at least he was relatively smart about it. I have a newfound sympathy for her, because she clearly didn't choose that fate, and she's been trying to correct course ever since.

I've changed my mind. I don't like Bel Riose anymore. Even if you're a good guy, when you keep working for the oppressors, you're automatically an asshole by association. He's pretty cool, and I like the actor, but if I were in the same room as Bel, i would kick him in the nuts.

Ahahahahaha can't believe that Cleon, of all people, is the one reminding us that Foundation should be about collecting knowledge, not building weaponry. It WAS an armory and the Church IS a cult. Heartbreaking: the worst person you know just made a great point!

In other news, I'm delighted that Salvor is back to form and kicking asses left and right, like she should. But the bastard keeps using my man Hugo. Salvor needs to fry his ass.

Hari fucking Seldon can't even tell a white lie for the life of his followers. I'm disappointed. I know y'all math nerds need us peasants to KNOW that the math is always right but damnit, sometimes you just have to give a bitch a bone!

Tellem: poor illusion Hari: proceeds to smash her brain's out Me: lol

Can't believe Demerzel tried to mix "I could fix him" with "fucking him would fix me" to give us "fucking him could fix him". I'm glad that my theory about her using sex as a method of control proved to be true tho! It failed in epic fashion, but I'm glad!

100 000 000 000/10 because DROWN!HARI IS NOW DIRTY!HARI!!!!! I'm so happy about it. I don't know how he pulled that one off (maybe he's just incredibly good at holding his breath) but I'm happy regardless. King of Kings, truly an iconic bitch. How coold that we had a little glimpse into the past, to see exactly how Cleon and Demerzel became an item. I'm incredibly sad for Demerzel. Her backstory raises so many questions, the most important to me being: if she's literally incapable to do harm to Cleon, how is it that she could snap Cleon XIV's neck so easily? Is it because his genetic material was slightly different? If so, she easily could've wipped out the entire Dynasty before the problem could be fixed. With no more Cleons, the little chip in her would be useless. Or perhaps that demanded a tremendous amount of will for her to do that, hence the meltdown that ensued. Mystery! Super sexy of Salvor to save the day like that. Overall, good episode. I enjoyed it quite a lot.

FNG

Hello, dear FNG. I must quote your own words because this was a brilliant review of Episode 9 of Foundation S2.

100 000 000 000/10 because DROWN!HARI IS NOW DIRTY!HARI!!!!!

Dirty!Hari!

INDEED, my friend! He's Dirty!Hari alright! I just love him. Iconic performance. Also, it's undeniable that a version of the following conversation happened offscreen between Gaal and him:

Gaal: Hari. Babe. Trust me, just trust me. We are going to have you drown. Literally almost die. Full brink of death. But I'll definitely save you at the last moment. If the plan works. Which it may not. But it might. Hari, who was previously had his whole plans come undone because of Gaal, and who had been her prisoner for over a 100 years, whose whole life is shit partially because of her: *heart eyes* Okay <3

Re: Salvor - VERY HOT OF HER TO BE A BADASS. I'm so happy that she was stronger than her memories of Hugo this time. Loron deserved his grisly end.

Re: OG!Cleon - you do bring up a good point. He comes off as sufficiently intelligent and calculating. I was almost assuming that by the time he's older he'd be dumber about the robot he kept visiting his whole life - but buddy really came through with his evil plan.

This leads me to Demerzel. You're quite right - my appreciation of the character plummeted since the start of this season... and unfortunately it didn't recover with this episode, though I do have to say that calling Cleon 17 a sperm with quite inspired. But you see, I'm spoiled by "rat in a maze will do anything to break free" stories like the SUPERB Ava of Ex Machina, where an artificial creature that lives imprisoned does absolutely ANYTHING to survive and be free. And here we've got Demerzel - too dumb to deal with a Cleon.

Current Cleon vs Vault!Hari - you take the mathematician's name out of yer mouth! Although Vault!Hari is a dick. I think he's hitching a ride in his prime radiant at this point, with not a care in the world. Which does make me wonder - I truly think that Terminus!Foundation's plan was... how should I say it... dumb as nails. What did they think was going to happen when they decide to fuck around in front of an emperor that belongs to the long line of clones that include such bangers as Cleon the Twelfth???

Bel Riose - Yeah, I understand. I guess, for me it was believable that he chose to follow an order because his sense of discipline and fulfilling his husband's with came first. I still feel like he may pull something unexpected in the next episode.

THANK YOU FOR YET ANOTHER REVIEW!!!!!

Can't wait to hear your thoughts about Ep10 when it comes out!

[marcilled]

According to the votes on that poll, at least 70% of you want to hear about my FFXIV ocs (meanwhile, only 12% think i should sleep. so i'm awake still, typing this.) I'll ramble about them under the cut, but for the ~7% that said they don't know what ffxiv is, I ended up rambling quite a bit about what ffxiv even is, and why I personally enjoy it/what i recommend for anyone who's interested in it. (I made it easy to skip over if you don't care to read about that, though)

Gonna put this under a readmore since it got really long;

Cassern Qestir! my main girlie. she/it pronouns. lesbian .

she's the warrior of light. if you don't know what that means; it's the protagonist. if you still need more context:

(skip to the blue text if you don't want to read me explain ffxiv and why i think it's worth playing, i didn't expect to ramble this much about it...)

Final Fantasy XIV is a MMORPG by Square Enix. Most other final fantasy games aren't MMOs, but this one is. That means it's a multiplayer game with RPG elements. It's also heavily story-driven. While you might hear people complain about the story at times- and I'd be one of them- it manages to really leave an impression in spite of any contrivances, awkward writing, or plotholes. That's due to the fact that the player character is... well, whoever you want them to be.

Your WoL (Warrior of Light), the player character, is the protagonist of the story. And it really must be emphasized... They are so, so fully the protagonist, it's hard for other protagonists to even compare to the protagonist energy the warrior of light has. That might seem... dull or uninteresting to some, but eh, it's not like you can please everyone- the point is for you to get into character, and if that doesn't interest you, then hopefully the other characters in the story will. Personally I love this aspect- I've made the WoL my own oc with a really, really detailed backstory. Which brings me to my next point;

The Worldbuilding... The worldbuilding is probably the strongest point of ffxiv, aside from the STELLAR soundtrack it boasts. The worldbuilding is incredibly detailed, and is there to encourage roleplaying, as well as to help the plot along (tho, really, it works best as a means to encourage roleplay). I suppose I should be more specific here; it's the setting that's really the key point here- the world, the cities, each and every river and valley... But also the time period, the history, etc etc etc... There's a lot of material to work with, and I suppose you'll just have to believe me that it's really quite in-depth (if you're interested in that depth! totally fine not to engage with it, too.)

All of this isn't... going to grab or interest everyone, certainly, but eh, I've accepted that at this point lol. Don't force yourself to keep playing it if it isn't grabbing you, but for me, I started playing it for the social aspect- doing something in the game with friends, socializing in the game, making new friends through it... it's been great for that. What I didn't expect is how much the story would grab me.

FFXIV's story is very slow to start, but gradually builds on the humble roots of your adventurer until you're literally saving the entire universe. It's very, very gradual, and this slow pace might turn people off as well. Especially if you hear people say "it really gets good at heavensward!" "shadowbringers is unforgetable!" "just wait til next expansion--" these sorts of things are common to hear, but it's the same as touting that a game gets good "after the first 20 hours of gameplay", it's poison. Just try it out and see how you feel about how it plays. If the style of doing quests is interesting to you, if the combat feels engaging or shallow. etc. hey wait this was supposed to be about my ocs. ok i'll finish talking about the story and then get back to my ocs.

Anyhow. The story is really shallow at first, it's true. Even within the whole base game itself, (A Realm Reborn, aka 2.0), it can be a bit dull and contrived, and boy oh boy is the voice acting completely awful... It's rough around the edges. But if you're like me, you can really appreciate a series that starts out rough around the edges, and slowly evolves over time from humble beginnings into an epic tale that really blows away your expectations... It's about growing with the narrative, to me. If that sounds interesting to you, maybe you'll like it. I certainly did. In fact, ffxiv might be like... top 10 games to me, in terms of how its story affected me personally. Particularly the shadowbringers and endwalker expansions. But you can't skip all the way there, either- the context of everything that happened before it is crucial to understanding where you're at once you get to those expansions. The more you skip, the more lost you'll likely be. Take your time. Don't rush. And ignore anyone who tells you "it gets really good at (x) part!!!", it's a great way to set yourself up for disappointment if you end up not personally connecting with a certain plotline or character moment. I think, the thing that makes ffxiv really special... is.. it's YOUR story. The story of you- your warrior of light. And the parts that are going to connect for YOU, and for your warrior of light, are not necessarily the same as what connects for anyone else. You may end up loving the slow, humble beginnings of ARR, and feel alienated by all the saving-the-world stuff that comes later. Who knows! It's what you make of it. That's kind of the beauty of it. Now, I could talk all day about how I personally connected to shadowbringers and endwalker, (and some smaller moments, scenes, & questlines from earlier in the game), but you didn't come here for all this, you came here to read about my ocs. SORRY.

I'm done talking about FFXIV as a game now. It's time to ramble about my OCs.

FFXIV is really great for making OCs, if you like its setting. Square Enix doesn't like when you talk about it, but there's a pretty big modding scene that lets you customize your characters way beyond what the vanilla game allows for. This is often used for horny purposes, but more interesting to me personally is the gender euphoria I get from seeing my own body reflected in my own character. I gave Cassern wider shoulders, made her taller than any other au ra woman can be in vanilla, and gave her the horns that are typically only on male character models. She is so transgender. i love cassern.

Cassern Qestir is the warrior of light, meaning she's the protagonist that goes on to save everyone and everything. But at the start of her story, she's a budding new adventurer, completely new to Eorzea- her home is far to the east, in the Azim Steppe, where most Xaela Au Ra hail from. It started out casting spells, but picked up ninjitsu along the way, and quickly became one of the most skilled shinobi there is.

(she kills fascists lol)

she's also pretty socially awkward, in spite of her unparalleled combat capabilities... it lacked a lot of confidence early on in the story, too, but over time it got a lot of character development, and gained confidence. my little beepo. i have a lot of photos of it, but I don't want to make this TOO long... plus, it's difficult to give a spoiler-free overview of her character that's still approachable to people that don't know anything about the game. I suppose I could talk about her backstory, because most of my writing for her actually happens before the main game... but, eh, I'd still need to introduce a lot of settings and topics that wouldn't make sense if you haven't played before. tricky to do. maybe I'll attempt that one of these days. Anyhow... onto my next oc...

This is Samga Mol! they/them. bi.

Samga is a touchy, standoffish Xaela dragoon. (Dragoon means they fight with a lance- it's one of the many jobs in the game, like Ninja is. I'd need another long tangent to explain that in full.) Samga was actually close friends with Cassern in their youth, having also grown up on the Azim Steppe- but the two of them haven't spoken in years... I wonder what happened between them?

They're very edgy, as dragoons often are- but they also have a softer, gentler side that they don't often let show... They also get grumpy if you say they're cute. (Which is just even cuter, by the way.) They actually have a soft spot for animals, particularly chocobos.

But shhh, don't tell anyone you saw them like this... they have a reputation to uphold, you know. Tough, menacing dragoon that kills in the name of dragonkind and all that. Most feared heretic in all of Ishgard, strikes fear into the hearts of the temple knights... Wait, weren't they from the Azim Steppe? How did that happen?? Hmm, I wonder...

---

I have a lot more OCs, but most of them don't have cohesive designs and intricate backstories like Cassern and Samga do- and more often than not, mostly exist just to add more depth to the story between the two of them. There's a few others I have, like this mad scientist catgirl named Dr. Frankie. I'm still working on her. She's completely unrelated to Cassern and Samga's story;

stay tuned if you enjoy morally dubious scientist women with an ephemeral grasp on social etiquette. i'm already obsessed with this little freak, i just need to develop her a bit more before i start showing her off all the time. she also has an ... "assistant" that i'm excited to design. more on that later.

Anyhow, this was a really, really brief overview of my ocs, and I have SO many more thoughts on them, that I post about with much more frequency over on @azimsteppe ... when I remember to... (I usually use twitter for ffxiv stuff, but I'm sure you're all familiar with how that website is faring these days...) just be aware that there are spoilers on that blog, and although i try to tag them, you'll likely run into some spoilery stuff if you browse there long enough.

please let me know what you think!! it always makes me happy hearing what people think of my ocs and what interests them about them... :] and!! big thank you for reading all of this!! it was a lot of fun just to ramble lol, my ocs mean a lot to me. so i'm glad it interests at least some of you. take care!!

[system-of-a-feather]

Ah fuck it, I've been up and around a lot more and our fiance + the system's found a new character to clown around being me / "being literally just Ray LMAO" and most of The Elders in this system don't front much other than me cause most of the time I have to cause Primary Gatekeeper and also cause honestly I hear everything so its really fucking hard to not just hear or see something severely stupid and got go "okay what" and since I've been feeling a little more talkative than usual, I figured I'd do an alter intro

Our system "doesn't do alter intros" by my own decree and decision with my wife system mom Lucille - but I'm the Primo Gatekeeper so I make my own rules and exceptions

Anyways I'm Ray, the name was chosen by Riku like 4 years ago cause it bothered them that I literally did not care for a name and just told them to call me PR which is ironic cause I'm not the Public Relations guy (better these days, but still). He/him, while I do admit I am technically probably nonbinary, I identify as a trans man.

I'm the textbook dapper masculinity guy and its a meme that I came straight out of the 1950s-1970s dapper FBI agent. I primarily listen to easy listening (Sinatra, Dennis Aarrsen, the Olive Garden Playlist) but I listen to some JRock, JPop, and a some symphonic metal and rock.

I am also just factually a barn owl as it is my representative bird in the system.

Anyhow, I pretty much have the system largely structured around myself and while these days I don't do much unless one of the "kids" asks for help or some really weird shit is going on, pretty much any large decision passes through me.

Also I really didn't choose nor was originally split to be a "dad" alter - I just got assigned it by the resident stupid overpowered gatekeeper little like a year or two ago and I got really comfortable with it.

I'm the OG fire starter that got us back into being jocks and I have a bit of a hobby (arguably according to Lucille, Riku and XIV, it can reach into obsessive compulsive / borderline eating disorder levels when I'm not doing well) in reading up on what I call "fueling the body efficiently" - but since XIV is more enthusiastic and needing fitness on a day to day + he is a host, I've left him to take the lead on physical exercise and supplement him as his Coach cause dude has more stamina and thrill than me, but he's also stupid as fuck half the time.

I'm required by law of our fiance and the system to also state that I am just Roy Kent apparently (its true) and I was going to post an art of me, but I don't think Riku or anyone has drawn me in a long while and I don't want to post someone else's work solely because I am too lazy to find a credit so...

Just have Roy Kent (why is his first name literally one letter from mine as well this is rude)

[lizzyverydizzyyo]

D.E.A.N | Chapter 31 - Civilian (END)

Masterlist and overall summary of the whole novel is here. | Prompt on trope-appreciation-tuesdays that inspired this is here. | @whumptober-archive

Fandom : Original Work

(I) (II) (III) (IV) (V) (VI) (VII) (VIII) (IX) (X) (XI) (XII) (XIII) (XIV) (XV) (XVI) (XVII) (XVIII) (XIX) (XX) (XXI) (XXII) (XXIII) (XXIV) (XXV) (XXVI) (XXVII) (XXVIII) (XXIX) (XXX) (XXXI - END)

AO3 (Will be added later)

A/N Aaaaaand here we are at last. The last chapter. The pseudo epilogue. The wrap-up. The end (before a new beginning for the sequel). I'm so proud of myself because this is genuinely the first long fic I've ever finished in my entire life. I have so many WIPs and they're all always half-written and get somewhat abandoned in the middle. Maybe this is the beginning of me finally being able to finish my other WIPs, including the sequel for D.E.A.N.

I cannot promise when I will start posting the chapters of the sequel, but with the first book in the installment now finished, it might be a little easier to finish writing the second book too because I don't have to jump around between writing two of them. I have another whump misunderstanding WIP too about a prince and a knight in a medieval setting that has a similar premise to D.E.A.N. And I have an anthology-style non-linear whump fic about two of my original OCs that are basically the prototype of Mark and Nick (you can read them on my AO3, if you want). It's likely that I will start posting those before posting D.E.A.N - Resurgence, so please be patient.

Anyway, if you want to read this chapter and immerse yourself, I suggest reading this while listening to T*ylor Sw*ft's "Wildest Dream", because Nick and Mark are so "Wildest Dream"-coded lol. Not to mention I loosely base Mark's appearance on Scott Eastwood, who is in that song's music video. Look, I know a lot of people here don't like her, but some of her songs are really good and fascinating, and I think that song really fits the end of D.E.A.N. (If you want to immerse yourself when reading the first few chapters, especially Chapter 15 - Visit, I suggest listening to Adele's Easy on Me, because that's the song I was constantly listening to when writing those chapters).

Anyway, adieu everyone! I'll see you in the next book, hopefully soon!

Wordcount: ± 5067

TW: Discussion of Past Sexual Assault, Kidnapping, Captivity, and Torture, Allusion to Slight Panic Attack, Allusion to Past Suicide Attempt

After all is said and done, and the dust has settled, Mark realizes everything will—and has to—change from now on, so he takes care of some unresolved heartfelt business before going ghost with the hope that it’s not going to be forever.

Whumptober 2023 Tropes:

Day 16 — “Don’t go where I can’t follow.”

Day 21 — Vows

Day 29 — Troubled Past Resurfacing

This story is set in the last half of 2016.

——

"Mister Belyaev! Mister Belyaev! Over here!"

"Nikolai, how would you describe your experience in Helga?"

"Nick Belyaev, is it true you made Helga network?"

"Nicky, over here!"

"Nikolai, can you tell us anything about your rescuers? They were said to be confidential?"

"Mister Belyaev, is it true you were prostituted to several senators? Which ones are they?"

"You were said to be the first surviving victim of Helga, is that true? How do you feel about that, Nick?"

"Mister Belyaev, can you tell us which politicians you know are involved in this syndicate?"

"Nikolai Belyaev, can you look here for a bit?"

The screen of the heavy-duty laptop is showing Mark the scene of Nick slightly slouching and covering his face with his hands, while double D.E.A.N/Secret Service agents stationed to protect Nick are trying their hardest to create barriers between the heterochromatic-eyed boy and the reporters trying to devour him.

Still, Nick and the agents can barely move, let alone walk away to their car to drive them to a safe house for Nick and his family. Despite the Secret Service agents pushing back reporters roughly and yelling, "Step aside now, all of you. He will not comment. Keep a distance or we will take necessary actions if you injure him," the reporters are relentless.

There are even civilians with signs yelling at the entourage, some saying, "Welcome home, Nicky! You're safe now :)"—which Mark begrudgingly feels grateful for as he hopes that it will cheer Nick up a little—while others have unsavory things to say regarding Nick's forced prostitution, his so-called ‘communist’ ancestry of being Russian-Vietnamese, and the fact that he created Helga's server—blaming him for it despite the widespread news that Nick was tortured into doing it.

Mark is tuning in on one among many livestreams available of the transfer. Some of them are filmed by reporters and broadcasted on behalf of the news companies they’re working for, big or independent, while others are by civilians from their personal social media accounts. They’re all equally competing with each other to get the best shots and audio so that they get the most viewers.

Nikolai looks so distressed in the livestream. Mark can tell from the screen that Nick looks somewhat pale with his swirly blue-brown eyes moist, lips also bitten. He hears Nick whispering with quivering voice to the closest reporters and nosy civilians, "Please, can you let me go?"

As usual, when he watches Nick being hurt by someone (like the times he was allowed to see Nick indirectly while being treated in D.E.A.N medic facility—many doctors and nurses, unfortunately, had to put Nick through somewhat painful treatments sometimes—or the instances Mark was shown more torture footages of Nick for intel purposes), he feels a jolt of fury and protectiveness seeing Nick deeply upset and scared like that.

Unfortunately, watching the livestream is the only thing Mark is allowed to do right now while the transfer to the safehouse is commencing.

He knows he isn't allowed to go near the building where Nick is officially announced to be rescued, with high-level commanders from Central Hub saying that 1056 agents aren't allowed to be near Nick. They’re citing worry that 1056’s objective judgments might be impaired after living with Nick for so long. So, all he can do at this point is just seethe, clench his jaw with balled fists, and wish his knuckles can connect to those asshole reporters and harassers roughly.

He muses that maybe the commanders are right about their suspicion.

Mark then ponders whether calling it ‘announced’ is too generous of a word. D.E.A.N simply moved Nick out of a confidential headquarter in Colorado and into this public venue—a transitional building to make sure no one can track D.E.A.N's classified locations—before delivering him to a safe house. D.E.A.N has finally decided that Nick has done enough work for them in secrecy, so he can now continue helping the division outside of their confidential sites.

They have also determined that Nick is safe enough to be put back into civilian life, although they will still station agents here and there to make sure Nick stays alive to keep helping D.E.A.N and other government agencies, including public law enforcement. Many national and foreign justice system courts have also requested help and testimony from him, since many are now starting to open criminal cases against Helga syndicate members who are caught and identified.

For some reason, crafty and sneaky reporters caught a whiff of the news of Nick's transfer and immediately descended upon the venue like a ravenous pack of vultures. The news traveled fast beyond reporters' communities too, so other curious or sympathetic people, along with bitter and mean trolls, are now also standing around the building, adding to the crowd that is swarming Nick.

There are at least 10 double D.E.A.N/Secret Service agents who are assigned to chaperone Nick right now, and they are still obviously overwhelmed anyway. It seems that they have underestimated just how easy and quick it is for classified information like this to breach containment, and how many people would be interested in it.

They are moving like ants, little by little, inches by inches, practically crawling instead of walking, but Mark can eventually see them pushing Nick gently into the car. The windows are tinted, and he knows that they are all also bullet-proof, but the reporters and the crowds do not give up in trying to see inside the car, many cameras shoved right onto the glass windowpanes. They’re probably hoping that if the lens is basically touching the glass, it can penetrate the dark tint of the windows.

It doesn’t matter. The car still manages to drive away, protected by another car in the front and one more taking the rear. So Mark sighs and closes his laptop, relieved on behalf of Nikolai, but also still anxious if the younger man is going to arrive here in one piece.

Marcus knows this is probably going to land him in hot waters with Central Hub, but he cannot make himself stay away until he can make sure that Nick is safe and sound. He is hoping Central Hub will only realize he is not accounted for in the headquarter within an hour at least, enough to buy him some time to see for himself that Nick has arrived in the safehouse, alive and well.

So he waits, leaning against his discardable car which he parks around a hundred meters from the aforementioned house.

Three cars that look different from the livestream finally pull over the safehouse property, and Mark is guessing they stopped by somewhere hidden to change cars, since the previous ones were already identified by the public. Those vehicles are probably no longer safe for travel to a sensitive spot like this.

Mark pulls out his binoculars, pointing them at the cars one by one until he finally sees Nick walking out of one of them. He sees Nick stumbling and hesitating when he sees his family—his mother, his father, his sister, his niece, and his brother-in-law. They are at a standstill for a bit until Alisa finally chokes out a sob and runs to Nick to hug him tightly.

Nick looks a bit surprised, but he raises his arms to hug his sister back, burying his face in the crook of his sister’s neck and shoulder despite being almost a head taller than her. The others then follow suit, walking towards Nick and hugging him tight. Mark can’t tell what they’re saying to each other, other than being able to see that they’re finally hugging each other with happy tears all over their faces, except for Tom who is more stilted and distant without hugging Nick like the rest.

Mark can only guess what Tom is saying to Nick, but Nick gives a small smile before looking at his brother-in-law’s arms where Nicole is being held. Nick immediately brightens up and bends down a little to coo at her, inviting a smile on Mark’s face too. He knows full well Nicole is really, really important to Nick. Months of living together in their Nevada headquarter have shown him that.

He sees Nick straighten up again with a wide smile and excited face—giving a peck to baby Nicole—before running to the car again. He pulls out a carrier, which Mark knows has Nightingale in it, so he is not surprised when he sees Nick unzipping the carrier and pulling out his black blob cat to show her to Nicole. The baby is reaching out to pet Nightingale stutteringly, probably because she hasn’t mastered her motor skill, and she laughs jovially while screaming in excitement because Nightingale turns to lick her tiny fingers. They all laugh together, and even the chaperone agents smile at the scene.

Mark pulls down his binoculars, feeling somewhat at ease since he can confirm that Nick is safe now, back with his family and hopefully getting better and becoming well-adjusted into normal life eventually.

Mark knows he should head back to the Central Hub headquarter right now, seeing that his secure D.E.A.N-issued phone is pinging alerts that he is being summoned to one of the offices in the headquarter, but nowhere to be found. He estimates that within 30 minutes they will realize that Mark has exited the premise without permission, and another 30 minutes to pinpoint exactly which coordinates he is at now.

Well, he still has time.

He pulls up his binoculars again and he sees the Belyaev (and Conrad) family walking into the house with Nick having his sister’s and mother’s arms around his shoulders. Alisa’s other hand is holding the pet carrier, while Nick is holding Nightingale in his arms, the feline looking much bigger than what Mark remembers seeing. Nick’s father and Tom are walking in front of him, opening the door so Nick can go in first.

He still sees some agents standing around the cars and the front door with their typical idle pose—a hand on top of the other over their stomachs. Mark can tell their earpiece comms are still on to communicate with some D.E.A.N management, seeing the lips movements of the agents with his binoculars.

He feels another vibration of alert in his phone, tsking in annoyance but still pulling out his phone anyway. A Central Hub agent apparently sent a direct message saying that he knows that Mark has gone somewhere out of the headquarter without clearance, and soon the commanders will know too. Mark rolls his eyes and types a message saying he has a pressing security matter to take care of, not really feeling bad about it because he is technically not lying. The matter of Nick’s safety is paramount to him.

But he continues the chat, sensing the testiness of the agent from the texts. He sounds pissed that Mark doesn’t show him enough respect despite being a higher-level agent—and also an agent in charge of managing several teams, one of which Mark is going to be assigned to. Mark tries to continue the lie, trying to conceal the fact that he is going directly against Central Hub’s instructions to not go anywhere near Nick.

He suddenly hears a knock on his car behind him.

He turns around near the speed of light, one hand already going to his holster, but then he sighs deeply in relief as he sees Nick there.

“Hi,” the heterochromatic-eyed boy says to him with a small smile.

“I thought you’re someone dangerous,” he responds with a slightly irritated voice.

Nick smirks, evidently pleased he could sneak up on Mark.

Mark narrows his eyes with a realization.

“How did you get here?”

Nick just shrugs. “Saw a suspicious car parked here since I arrived.”

Mark narrows his eyes even more in question.

“And you just decided to approach it?”

Nick shrugs again, making Mark slightly uncomfortable with how brazen Nick is about his safety.

“You know, for a confidential government institution agent, you’re kinda bad at disguising yourself,” Nick comments lightly, sensing that Mark might be concerned about his sense of self-preservation.

So Mark chuckles now, relieved.

“I’m not here under Central Hub’s command,” he explains casually, “so I don’t have enough resources and preparation to conceal myself like usual.”

“Hmm,” Nick smirks again, “Sure.”

Mark smiles lightly, feeling serene at the opportunity to talk to Nick again after weeks of not being allowed to meet directly. Or at all.

“You’re pretty good at ambushing me, though,” he comments again. “Learning well from those agents working around you all this time?”

Nick shrugs again. “Maybe.”

Nick moves his legs but stutters, seemingly wanting to get closer to Mark but not knowing if he is allowed. Bells are ringing in his head that this might be unwise to continue, but his heart yearns so badly for a chance to see Nikolai, so he steps aside to give space for Nick to stand near him. Nick walks around the front of the car and leans against the driver’s door next to Marcus.

“How are you?” he eventually asks softly, looking at Nick from top to bottom to detect if Nick is in any harm. He pauses a bit at Nick’s abdomen.

Nick gives a small nod with a bashful smile as he says, “I’m okay.”

It makes Mark feel that weird jolt in his heart again.

“How about you?” Nick asks back, now his turn to lower his eyes towards Mark’s abdomen on his right side.

Marcus looks down too, one hand absently going to his upper waist.

“Yeah, of course,” he replies with a reassuring voice as he feels softness in his heart at Nick’s concern. “Told you I was just lightly grazed.”

Nick nods again with his own relieved breath.

“That’s good. I didn’t know what became of you all these weeks. They didn’t tell me anything.”

“They want you and us, team 1056, to work efficiently,” he shrugs and adds, “Well, as efficient as we could be with all of our ongoing injuries recovery.”

Nick furrows his eyebrows in confusion.

“They think separating us will help. Getting rid of distraction and all.”

Nick rolls his eyes.

“That’s stupid. I’ve been worried sick about you for so long I couldn’t think of anything else,” he says, before he sputters with widened eyes and continues, “I mean, the others in your team too!”

Mark tries not to read too much into it.

“Speaking of which, how are the others?” Nick starts again, his bashfulness after his comment about Mark starting to dissipate. “They didn’t tell me much about what happened to the agents in that attack.”

Mark stares at Nick for a while, eventually feeling some grief and maybe anger settling in his mind. He looks down and inhales deeply.

“3 from 1082… died in action.”

“Oh,” Nick whispers with a shocked and melancholic face.

“The deputy, one sniper, and another agent. I think. Wasn’t informed directly.”

“Agent Leonard, right? The black man?”

Mark nods mournfully. “That deputy, yeah.”

"And the decoy agent?" he asks unsurely, again with fearful face. "Robert Van Hoven, right? That's his name?"

Mark nods to confirm the name, but then gives a half-hearted shrug.

"He is not from 1056, so we weren't really given any information on him." He pauses a bit. "I hope he is okay, though."

Nick nods too.

“The thing is…” Mark leans his head back with a deep, weary sigh “…we weren’t told anything other than the official report. Even I don’t know what exactly happened to the rest. Just hush-hush info, not even verifiable.”

Nick stays quiet reverently, waiting for Mark to recount further.

“Over 25 died in that clash. 4 Tactical Intelligence agents. 11 Offensive team agents,” he explains with despair but also fury in his voice, eyes cast down.

He feels that familiar anger again at himself for failing once more—wondering what could have been done differently so that not so many lives were lost—and at to those sons of bitches from Helga themselves.

“Two out of Doctor Lowe’s three nurses, and another two out of the 5 additional Medical agents sent to 1034. I think at least 6 agents from backup teams also died. That’s all the report says.”

Nick’s lips part while looking down too, probably not knowing how to react to Mark’s obvious tumultuous emotion and expression, or show his condolence appropriately and sufficiently. They all pretty much died for Nick, after all.

“What about…” Nick hesitates, so Mark turns to him, “…your team?”

Mark breathes out heavily, relieved but also forlorn.

“We all survived,” he starts.

Nick’s eyes widen and he breathes out in relief too. “That’s… that’s really good to hear. I’m glad.”

Mark turns to him with slightly raised eyebrows.

“Oh, god, I don’t mean… I’m not glad about the other non-surviving agents,” Nick blurts out nervously with his raised hands waving frantically, “don’t get me wrong!”

Mark gives him a reassuring smile, although still tinged with mourning.

“I understand.”

Nick waits for a while in silence. He then asks, “But all 10 of you in team 1056 survived?”

Mark nods. “Yeah.”

“I’m relieved,” Nikolai says again, body slightly sagging against the car.

“Even for Don and Anna?” he jokes lightly.

“I’m not heartless, Mark. I never wished for any of you to die even if I’m angry,” Nick responds with a slight frown.

Mark chuckles. “I know.”

“Although you and I saw Anna and Angie in the end anyway, so I know they’re okay,” Nick tells him.

A silence passes where they just look forward to the other side of the road, then turn to their right to the safehouse far away from them.

“But…” Nick hesitates again, “…are they… okay?”

“Mostly…” he hangs his words, not sure about how to continue.

“Is anyone in critical condition?” Nick asks worriedly.

“No, not really.”

Nick still seems puzzled, waiting for more explanation.

“Horace is doing better with his shoulder after getting shot,” he recounts, “Anderson almost died of blood loss… had to have his burst spleen taken out… and Luke is still doing physio after his knee got shot.”

Nick raises his eyebrows in surprise.

“But I don’t know if he’s going to be recovered enough to still be a field agent. Fractured knee is kinda hard to repair, you know?”

Nick keeps silent to give Marcus the time he needs to collect himself.

“George… had to be resuscitated in the medic facility,” he informs more. “He survived, but… being dead for around 2 minutes gotta leave some chronic and permanent damage. For now, the Medical agents say just to wait and see.”

Nick bites his lips, unsurely asking him, “The rest?”

“Mary and Lena are thankfully pretty much unscathed. Somehow. Only bruises here and there.”

Nick sighs in relief again.

“And Don?”

Mark gives him another reassuring and somewhat cheeky smile.

“Of course, that son of a bitch survived despite getting shot in the spleen too. Why wouldn’t he?”

Nick laughs loudly, seemingly surprised by Mark’s sudden change of tone.

He drinks in the sound and tries to etch it into his mind deeply, sensing that he is probably not going to be able to hear it again for a long time.

“I mean, they’re probably not going to be fully okay-okay, you know?” he continues again with a somber voice after a while. “But they live.”

They both look down again in sedate silence.

“And are you… really okay, though?”

The way Nick says it tells him that he is not just asking about Mark’s physical condition.

That battle is the biggest conflict he has ever faced so far, seeing as multiple circles of Helga were all swarming them at once. He knew that he trained for this, but looking at the chaos and even some agents shot dead right in front of him still rattles his mind sometimes. He has never been in a collision that chaotic in all of his D.E.A.N history, short as it is.

The fear too that he might not be able to get Nick to safety—that he would have to watch Nick down a full vial of morphine just so that he wouldn’t be taken back by Helga—still haunts him too. It’s as if the fear when they got separated kept surfacing in his dreams all the time, making him this worried and obsessed with seeing Nick again despite direct prohibition from the higher-ranked agents.

That’s why he is here now.

Still, he nods anyway, a silent reassurance that he is fine.

“How about you, Nick?”

He knows that aside from his prior trauma in Helga and at the beginning of his time with Mark’s team (he shudders at the reminder), Nick also had to witness the chaos in 1034’s headquarter, running for his life and then separated and alone with his old handlers several times. He also had to escape with Mark, Anna, Angie, and Doctor Lowe until they eventually ran out of bullets, at one point considering doing a suicide pact with the morphine vials.

Nikolai experienced all of those hells too.

Even from the livestream before, Mark can see that Nick is still deeply anxious and mentally fragile. With how public his rescue is and how ruthless the reporters and harassers are, it’s bound to be another source of trauma for Nick.

“I’ll… I’ll be okay,” Nick hesitates with a small voice, “I think.”

Mark tilts his head so that he can still see Nick’s cast-down face.

“You’re out of there now. You can get better now, yeah? Try, for me?”

Mark says it with such a weight, a pleading at the reminder of what Nick did the day before that collision. He stares again at Nick's abdomen, coldly remembering the sensation of dripping blood on his thigh and Nick’s scream when he had to be cauterized.

Nick raises his head to stare back at him, slowly giving a nod and a small smile. Not completely happy-looking, but a smile nonetheless. Mark has to believe that it means Nick will be okay in the end.

Their silence is interrupted by another vibration on Mark’s phone. He sighs in irritation again.

“Where are you gonna go after this?”

Mark turns to Nick again at the deceivingly casual-sounding question, although he still can tell it’s a loaded one. Nick isn’t just asking where he is going to drive after seeing Nick here, but also where he is going to do his mission next.

He sighs.

“Pretty far,” he simply answers.

Nick looks down again with a frown.

“Central put together 100 new Offensive Department teams. Said it will probably be a good idea if I’m a deputy this time. But we’ll have to see from the preliminary meetings.”

Nick looks almost scared when he faces Mark again as he bites his lip.

“Where?”

Mark stays silent with his own melancholic look, the heaviness in his heart at the possibility of not seeing Nick for a long time settling deep. He doesn’t want to assume, but he senses that Nick is feeling the same about that possibility.

“North Dakota.”

“Oh,” Nick simply says, trying hard not to seem crestfallen as he fiddles with his fingers. “That’s halfway across the country from Oregon.”

“Yeah.”

They are quiet again. Mark doesn’t know what he should do or say now, with Nick not giving obvious hints as to what he wants from Mark.

“They… um…” he begins again at Nick’s silence, “…made the decision based on your story… to us before.”

Nick seems like he is working hard to not show any reaction, or even weep, but Mark can see the slightest movement of his jaw at the implication of what happened to him when he just turned 18. What was done to him before and after his attempt to escape at that time.

Maybe Mark shouldn’t have brought that up because he can sense the tension between them now, with Nick’s eyes glistening again despite his efforts to not seem affected. Mark decides to look away again to the safehouse instead.

Maybe he should end this before he makes things worse.

“You should probably go back.”

Nick follows suit by looking at the safe house, the place he is going to have to live in until whenever D.E.A.N decides he and his family can fully live as civilians again. Until they’re allowed to freely live wherever they choose with only having D.E.A.N agents check in on them once in a while, instead of watching them constantly.

“Your family must be worried sick about you. They might think you get kidnapped again.”

Nick stays looking firmly at the safe house, this time obviously trying to avoid facing Mark. He doesn’t know if Nick takes it as Mark indirectly telling Nick to go away.

He sighs quietly, mourning the gloomy and tense moment they’re in now. This is possibly the last ever moment they’re going to be together for a long time, and yet, this is the mood they’re currently in.

Eventually, Nick looks back at him with a smile that seems rough around the edge. Forced, even.

“Yeah, you’re right,” he says quietly too. “I should.”

Still, they both don’t move from leaning against Mark’s disposable car, not until a while when Mark decides to be the one to end the moment. He straightens up and faces Nick fully, so Nick slowly does the same.

“Take care of yourself,” Mark says to Nick, earnest with a hint of desperation. He feels worried now that he realizes he cannot make sure Nick will be okay with his own eyes and hands.

Nick just nods, turning around to see the safe house and then to Mark again, almost like he is debating whether he should stay or go. He still ends up taking half a step to walk away, so Mark puts his hands into his pockets to prepare to watch Nick until the heterochromatic-eyed boy is safe inside again.

But he didn’t expect Nick to turn around quickly to face him again, launching himself to Mark with arms tightly embracing him. His eyes widen in shock before he processes what is happening, feeling Nick’s face burying into his shoulder with a sensation of moisture on his clothes.

His face softens eventually, and he raises his own arms to hug Nick too. His arms are careful—gentle, but also tight around Nick’s thin body—while he is drinking in Nikolai’s presence in his arms that he knows is going to stay deeply in his mind in years to come. It will be his lifeline to tether him to Nick, at least for several months, or maybe even years.

“You stay safe too,” Nick whispers with muffled voice to his shoulder, “give me a sign once in a while that you’re still out there.”

“Nick—"

Nick pulls back quickly with almost frantic and desperate eyes, some tears visible on his cheeks while his arms are still linked behind Mark’s neck.

“I know that you’re probably not allowed to contact me directly, or be stationed close to me,” Nick quickly says, “but just try to give me hidden signs somehow.”

Nick searches his eyes, almost like he is begging Mark to say yes.

“Tell me you haven't forgotten me. That you’re still alive somewhere doing your mission.”

Mark inhales and opens his mouth to explain some protocol, but Nick doesn’t let him.

“Promise me!”

He stares at Nick, and he loathes just how easy it is for Nick to bend Mark’s emotions to his will, even right now after not seeing each other for weeks. It feels like his attachment to Nick hasn’t worn out at all throughout that. He can’t look at those teary swirly blue-brown eyes and say no. He just can’t.

So he lets out a soft breath with crumbling defense, unknowingly getting close to Nick until their foreheads touch, his arms around Nick’s waist tightening. Nick doesn’t rebuff him.

“I promise,” he eventually says, “It’s not like I can forget you.”

They stay like that for a bit, letting themselves dip their toes into that… forbidden… place for once, even if Mark knows he can’t fully jump in and stay there indefinitely.

Just once, he’ll let himself take this moment.

After a while, they both let out heavy breaths and reluctantly separate from each other, their arms letting go of each other too.

“I really need to head back home,” Nick says as if trying to sober them both up.

Mark nods again, already feeling heavy in his heart, but he still lets Nick take several steps back, looking deeply into each other’s eyes. He wants to keep the sight of those captivating swirly blue-brown eyes permanently in his memory.

Eventually, Nick turns around and jogs away, and Mark tries to gulp down at the tight feeling in his throat.

Why is it this difficult?

As if to torture him even further, Nick pauses his jogging to turn back for a second, tantalizing Marcus again with the offer he knows he cannot take. Then Nick continues jogging again before slowing down to walk away, steadfastly no longer acknowledging Mark now.

Nick’s back to Mark gets smaller and smaller until he can no longer see him unless Mark uses his binoculars again. He chooses not to. He knows he’ll get hooked again if he can see Nick clearly.

It’s only when he can tell that the small dot of Nick’s body is walking into the house—welcomed by his family again—that his logical mind finally catches up.

Regardless of what he feels right now—or even later—he knows making sure that Nick stays safe is important. He knows that taking down the people who hurt Nick before—and can hurt Nick again, if he doesn’t do his job right—is his biggest priority right now. Whether one day he can see Nick and have him by his side again or not, what matters is making sure that Nick will be safe and sound permanently, whatever he needs to do to achieve that.

So, he opens his car door as he receives the call on his phone.

“Agent Hayden speaking,” he says to the agent on the phone professionally, “Yes, I will arrive in 40, Sir.”

Now, his real work begins.

-----

Masterlist and overall summary of the whole novel is here. | AO3 series link is here.

(I) (II) (III) (IV) (V) (VI) (VII) (VIII) (IX) (X) (XI) (XII) (XIII) (XIV) (XV) (XVI) (XVII) (XVIII) (XIX) (XX) (XXI) (XXII) (XXIII) (XXIV) (XXV) (XXVI) (XXVII) (XXVIII) (XXIX) (XXX) (XXXI - END)

[vanvelding]

Star Trek: Picard Final Spoilers

Below the cut

Who had "Jack Crusher with the power of love" in the pool?

.***.

Borg Queen: "Watch. Your future's end."

.***.

The Enterprise-D is fucking cash money for such an "antiquated old ship":

-Immediately finds the Borg super-cube in Jupiter when every ship passing through Sol for YEARS couldn't.

-Takes out the point defenses of the Borg super-cube in one volley (remember when The Borg had tractor beams?)

-Star Trek XIV: Jupiter Drift

.***.

Worf didn't die. I thought for a moment, but they didn't. They just made him more badass. If nothing else, this season treated Worf with the disrespect we expect of TNG, but otherwise pretty fucking well.

.***.

"What did you do to him?" Motherfucker, she did the one thing Borg do to him.

.***.

"Man, it's easy to reverse assimilation by killing the Borg Queen." I know; it's a new type of assimilation except for when Picard jammed an assimilation tube into himself--which I guess is a thing now--and then when Jack took it out he...deassimilated himself.

.***.

Data: "The Borg super-cube has powered down its weapons and lowered its shields."

Picard: "That's an invitation."

Borg communication: "To the approaching vessel, if Will Riker is on board, we surrender. Otherwise, resistance is futile."

.***.

Lrrr, of Omicron Persei 8: "Why does the Queen not simply destroy the ship and crew which have stymied the Borg at every turn?"

.***.

I talk a lot of shit about this show, but Shaw's "The rules she breaks were probably broken anyway..." Actually good television. I'm not sure when he recorded that, but I choose to believe it's before they left spacedock.

.***.

We didn't get the Worf versus Borg Elnor fight. I...I didn't realize how much I was anticipating that.

.***.

I can't get over how this show uses blood and death and trauma to pose as mature, but erects a protective field around its main characters that would make a golden age comic blush. It's elitist trash at its core, especially when it goes all-in on making the Gary Stu that dwarfs Wesley Crusher and Picard II into the captain's assistant and Q's most special boy.

.***.

I thought for a moment, "It would be stupid and lazy and so unoriginal if they gave us an MCU-style teaser at the end of--OH GOD THAT'S Q THOSE IDIOTS DID FINALLY DID IT. DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!"

.***.

The thing with Seven and the Titan finding a way to buy time cleverly integrated so many things that had been set up in the series. It was legitimately enjoyable to watch and well-executed. The cloak didn't even fail first, which it usually does.

.***.

No Janeway. I thought we'd get Janeway. I don't have any strong feelings about this one way or the other.

.***.

Was joking about Chekov showing up (or Chekov's son? Grandson? I'm not really sure what was up with that except it was cringeworthy fanservice). I'm happy Walter was cut a check and finally canonized into the TNG-era.

.***.

This isn't a comment on the show, but Geordi if you're going to order a woman to blow up the core of a ship which is going to her kill son and baby-daddy, maybe...just do it yourself. Be graceful dude.

.***.

When I talk about "jerking off until your dick falls off," I mean going straight to the Enterprise-G when we just saw the Enterprise-F. Why show the Enterprise-F when it's going to get immediately sidelined and replaced.

Also, renaming the Titan to Enterprise erases the accomplishments and history of the Titan. I don't even care about the Titan, but that's fucked.

.***.

So what the fuck is wrong with me???

.***.

.***.

It's cute how we end on a poker scene reminding us that we've ended up exactly where we were 30 years ago, except Picard has a son. We get these huge stakes and then...poof it's like none of it ever happened. I wouldn't care if the stakes weren't so pretentiously, pointlessly high.

This is why I quit reading comics. World changing stakes once a year that...get referenced but culturally forgotten pretty soon. None of it really matters because we're computer-generating a Borg cube bigger than the last one to convince you simpletons this story is better than the last one because the odds against our heroes are larger. How could they ever get out of--they got out of it again with no consequence and no lasting effects. Status quo antebellum.

[orime-stories]

Lost in the Lifestream

Aurelle Silmontier - Final Fantasy XIV

-

The Warrior of Light grabs a chance to see her family while waiting on a companion's recovery. Full story below the cut. (843 words) Previous Story / Next Story / Read on AO3 / Tumblr Masterlist

-

The Twelveswood embraced her return with breezes that did not sting and the warm greens she had so longed for. The palette she had clung to so faithfully for so long during her exile in the north, but had only recently begun to stray from. The robes she currently wore were of Ishgardian design — a deep turquoise blue with silver detailing, and a warm shawl about her shoulders in red and white, as befitted a white mage. Clothes she had picked out for herself from the markets and boutiques of the city in her first tentative expressions of preference. Beautiful pieces that made her feel a little more the part of the protagonist everyone kept clamouring for her to be.

But back here in the Shroud, the attention drawn by her new garb chafed horribly. 'Who does she think she is, to be dressed so finely', they must be thinking. 'Certainly not one of the forestborn'.

Lifting her heavy skirts from the sweetly fragrant earth of Gridania's pathways, she pressed on, wishing she'd thought to change back into her old conjurer's robes before coming. But there hadn't been time, with her story pressing ever onward. And if there was one thing that would see her through the discomfort of her shyness in this brief window she had snatched while Y'shtola shook off the last of her aetherial escapades, it was her desire to see her mother again.

Sitting at that familiar old table, steeped herbs flavouring the air, her mum sitting across from her, rambling about her day like it was any other, her nana perched by her side, topping up her mug whenever its warmth ebbed too low... the chill of Coerthas seemed almost a distant memory. A strange dream, but one that lingered beneath the skin long after waking. She wondered, if she were to crawl under the table and hide there as she had in childhood, whether her tale would continue on without her. Leave her in this place where time moved at a normal pace and her heartbeat might have a chance to slow with it. Where she might re-sync her breath to the seasons of the forest, and heal.

"But what about you?" her mother finished. "What have you been busying yourself with? How many grey hairs are you giving me today?"

"The full story might be a bit long for the time we have," Aurelle cautioned in answer, wondering where she should even begin in the telling of it. My best friend is dead and you never even got to meet him. I was on trial for heresy. I've been staying in a grand mansion and eating like a princess. I've treated with dragons and uncovered a forgotten history that had lain buried for a thousand years. I think I'm in love.

The hours and hours it would take to even just lay out the context for any one of those statements. The most straightforward of them being the one thing she had promised Aymeric she wouldn't share. And she was mired in enough anxiety about how things were going to be for them moving forwards without breaking his trust on top of it all. With the dissonance there had been between them the last time they had caught a moment alone. With the strain he was under trying to stop his beloved city from crumbling apart between his hands. With the horror she still carried of what had happened to him in the Vault and the part she might have played in enabling it. With the fact that once this was all said and done, she was likely going to have his father's blood on her hands.

A man she doubted had ever sat across a table from him like this, engaging in easy chatter over tea, asking how worried he should be about his son's misadventures. For he was a man who had ordered for that son to be imprisoned and maimed, and who had walked away without a backward glance even as Aymeric had staggered across the rooftops towards him, still begging for the man to listen to him and see reason even then.

That man had no right to the word father.

But nothing could change the fact that he had claimed it even so. And that surely that must mean something. To someone. She certainly couldn't imagine viewing a person in the same light if they had murdered her own father, even were he to become tempered or otherwise changed or— Gods she wished she had the time to see him before she went, to visit him at his post in the East Shroud. To steady herself in his solid optimism. His simple but always convincing reasonings for why everything would turn out alright.

But she reassured her mother of that truth even so. That all would be well. For what else could she say? She would just have to do all in her power to make that promise a reality in the end.

For those she could yet save, at least.

[youngster-monster]

everytime i look back at my own anon asks they get longer and i feel like im writing an essay except the essay is hyperfixation fueled rambling . does that mean anything i WILL get my wow lore from you i HAVE been getting my wow lore from you and there is nothing that any gamer alive can do to stop me because i have more free time than i should be allowed to have and an obsession for two dead gay elves. i think about them every single day and i think that this can be accredited to you, ELVES???? IN MY MULTI-MASSIVELY ONLINE ROLEPLAYING GAME???????? MANY OF THEM??? AND THEYRE COMPETENT TOO?????? oh man oh god i (i am shoveling everything on my desk into a suitcase) i dunno if i (i am hauling my computer and monitors into a comically enormous suitcase that is far larger than the contents would require) dunno if i can (searching "FINAL FANTASY XIV DOWNLOAD") i dont know if i can play that g- okay for real though i May In Fact Download FFXIV . i am scared of games i know nothing about because Uh brain sucks but youve convinced me by setting up one of those stick and box animal traps with promise of elves as the bait. i now get to message my sister who has also been hitting me with ffxiv copypasta and tell her i am interested PLEASE please please i would literally do anything to see subs tank so that they have no choice but to kick illidan out of space hell and by extension kael and vashj too so they can be mean to eachother and have the banter i so crave. to me their banter is what mana addiction is to the high elves. i miss them every single day my brother actually found out about the gay elves when i left wow open on my computer ("what relevance does that have?" you know how you can name your wow character almost anything? yeah so i have this thing where i physically cannot stop myself from testing if ship names are available for use on any game i play and uhm. youll never guess what i was testing on wow right then and there) which is tragically positioned in such a way that it is visible to the entire room and when he saw it he looked so disappointed but in no way surprised whatsoever

the time that i have to message you approaches very quickly because the ask length is getting Worse. it is getting So Bad. my deepest condolences that you have to sift through this whole thing i just have so many things to say at any given time

frankly this reminds me of my old forums days. did y'all ever do that thing where you made a friend on a forum and instead of exchanging numbers (no mobile phone) or skype contacts you'd just exchange novel-length private messages? emails with extra steps.

i am so sorry for the dead elves brainrot. it will get worse.

me 🤝 your sister Come Play FFXIV. They Are Extending The Free Trial In October. You Cannot Escape The Elves

it's actually a good game too especially once you make it past base game! as a wow player i found it pretty easy to get into after a quick period of adaptation ( < forged in the crucible of wotlk-era wow)

i just KNOW the outland trio has some incredibly comedic AND tragic potential with their banter and blizzard is KEEPING IT FROM US.

everyday hapless brothers are subjected to their sibling's dead gay elves obsession.... and it will happen again. when we're in the same room i often ask my brother random wow lore questions and he answers me immediately before going (extremely suspicious) "why. is this for a fanfic." yes it is now tell me more about coastal cities in the eastern kingdom for this throwaway line im trying to write

i also cannot shut the fuck up and i love attention and friendship so i'm having a blast personally 😌 everyday i log on and go "ah :) got a new message from my Secret Connection" like we're two spies in the 17th century corresponding through letters folded under a rock

[turtersblade]

FINAL FANTASY XVI

Finished August 24

This game is quite something. What is that something? I'm not really sure. This is how I generally feel about the game. Final Fantasy XVI is a game that doesn't do things terribly wrong, but is filled with weird choices in direction and is filled with missed potential. Or maybe not even that? They didn't shoot for the moon, but maybe for something much easier, like for the clouds.

The biggest oddity here is the extremely pointless 5 year time jump. It's weird. The time skip served absolutely no purpose to the narrative, gameplay, characters, or anything else. Developing characters off screen would've been bad, but somehow we're meant to believe they havent changed at all in the five years. That super apparent romantic tension between Clive and Jill? That completely stagnated in place in those five years. Everything stagnated in those five years.

Gameplay wise, missed potential. Absolute missed potential in points, but in some other aspects they never shot far anyway. The combat is the biggest case for missed potential. It's good, its good, but I cannot say much else. It doesn't evolve much during the game. Your base combo never ever changes or gets upgraded or anything else. So the only way the combat ever changes is the Eikon abilities you get from each of the Dominants. Yeah they all also kinda suck. Your Phoenix/Ifrit and Garuda skills actually work really well together, theres synergy there. But aside from Titan, the others absolutely do not. None of these skills work well together to form a fluid combat experience. It's still fun enough, but this really could've been more.

The level design is horribly bland and uninteresting. The dungeons are not good. They took FFXIV dungeons, put them in a single player action game, and then further simplified and dumbed them down. You move so awfully slow in this game which makes these areas even more of a drag to get around. I don't see why this couldn't have more involved dungeons when something like Stranger of Paradise had incredible dungeons.

The quests are so mind numbing too. Go here, get item, fight wave of easy enemies, ok now fight enemy with a really big healthbar, go back, quest over. This even applies to the main story. There is just so much uninteresting filler. Not horribly bad, but just passable.

Now for the positives. I really like these characters! They're all so good, with Dion becoming a surprise favorite. The writing is pretty good, the voice acting is top notch, and I really cared for everyone. Clive is an absolute legend, I love him and he deserves the best.

The music?? Especially for the Eikon fights, its incredible! I found myself humming quite often when a track came on. Cid's theme is an absolute classic to me now. I knew the music was in good hands when I found out it shares the same composer(s) as Final Fantasy XIV.

I really enjoyed this story. For each arc, they did a great job at giving you a new big bad to fear and want to take down. They even did a solid job at making you feel some ounce of sympathy for them. Their only fumble to me was actually Ultima. I'm sorry but I just do not give a fuck about Ultima. I knew from his first appearance that I would not like him, but still kept an open mind. Yet, they never gave me a reason to care about him.

Overall, I liked this game. I did every side quest (which actually did have interesting stories in them!! they are worth doing) every hunt, and I finished this game at the 50 hour mark. I wouldn't have done all this if I didn't like it, but this could've been more. This is the definition of a solid 7.0/10 game. An exact 7. A high C on a tier list, maybe very bottom of B, depends on what it's up against. I still recommend this to everyone, because everyone can have a good time. They don't do anything egregious that would turn people off here, you'd only be fighting your own boredom at times.

Torgal is best boy

[c7thetumbler]

Quick Game Reviews: Games I played 2022

Whoa, what is this? Will I get this done on time, or is this doomed to be released unfinished when it's automatically posted on the 31st? Only you will know!

Final Fantasy XIV: Endwalker [PC]

Endwalker is probably the best possible expansion a game could hope for. Shadowbringers had just managed the herculean task of unifying like 7 years of content and plot that seemed mostly disparate and succeeded fantastically, so it was really cool to Endwalker take the core concepts that were introduced in ShB and run with them in a way that made the game "End" in such a satisfying way. Story had me on my toes the whole time rewarded players who had tried all sorts of side content, and even made me like characters I strongly disliked through the whole game prior.

Sage and Reaper are pretty cool too. I'd highly recommend giving FFXIV a try if you haven't, and of course if you've been away from the game and haven't played Endwalker it's definitely a masterpiece in its own right.

Pokemon Legends: Arceus [Switch]

This one was really surprising. After having come from BDSP, probably the worst games in the entire main Pokemon series, I didn't have high hopes they'd pull this one through. What ended up happening though is that, while still having its bugs and graphics problems, Gamefreak is definitely capable of making a cohesive game with fun mechanics and feels good to play. Battle isn't that complex, but given how slow and obnoxious normal Pokemon battle is the lack of abilities and new styles are a fresh change of pace.

Movement outside of battles feels good, if a little janky. What really sets it apart is how fun it is to actually sneak up on Pokemon and use pokeballs and food outside of combat to catch them, and adds an extra level of play that supplements the simplified but interesting battle style well.

One thing I can say about this game: it feels like a complete experience. I'm not missing out on the ability to get certain pokemon becase there's another version. I'm incentivized to play with all sorts of pokemon with all sorts of playstyles to fill out the pokedex. Exploring could leads to new items and rarer Alpha pokemon. Quests allow you to keep goals, and the battle challenges are at least interesting. That's something that no other Pokemon game has been able to offer since they stopped doing the 3rd, "best version" of the games like Emerald and Platinum. I highly recommend this game, and believe it's the best Pokemon offering Switch has (including SV)

Super Mario Run [Android]

This one was interesting to go back to. So I picked this up because MyNintendo finally started doing okay physical rewards, and this game is a very good weekly source of Platinum coins. In the process, I went ahead and 100%'d this game. It's pretty fun! It's got a lot of challenges, the toad rush and remix run are fun stwists on the existing levels. It's a shame Nintendo saw the millions they made from this as a failure and went with Gacha models instead.

While it's not as satisfying as your normal Mario platformer, it's definitely a fun mobile game and worth the $10, especially with weekly platinum coin challenges

TIS-100 [Steam]

I will be 100%, I have not played this game very long. I really like these kinds of games, however for the past few years I've fallen into a place where every time I think of playing these, I get caught up in "Well, what I really should be doing is coding for real." Then I go on Reddit or Twitter and do neither.

The short time I did have with it was fun though! I'm not sure I would call it a good intro to programming since it's mimicking assembly instructions, but if you're curious it's definitely an interesting experience and pretty similar to how how that sort of language works.

Kirby and the Forgotten Land [Switch]

This is probably the most faithful recreation of a 2D Kirby game into a 3D platformer that you can get, and boy it was a long time coming. The games fun, albeit pretty easy, and has a lot of post-game more challenging content (that is also not too challenging). That's not to take away from it of course; Kirby's a fun, relaxing game usually and this is no exception. Even though this is more a Super Mario 3D World than a Super Mario Odyssey, the transition to 3D is handled very well, and I'm eager to try more Kirby games in this style. It could do with a little more content, but then it runs the risk of overstaying its welcome. I highly recommend this to anybody who's ever enjoyed a Kirby game; It's not groundbreaking, but it does the Kirby formula well

Lost Nova [Steam]

This is one of a few games I've played where I don't really have a solid enough opinion of it to really recommend it or not. I got like an hour in and really liked the vibes it was giving off (cute top down exploration game, very wholesome) but got distracted and never picked it up again. I'm a big fan of the artist, Jon Nielson, and his other game projects that I've played, but this is one I'll have to restart and get a good grip on.

Dusk [Steam]

I grew up on a multitude of games, and Doom/Quake were right there. It was nice to be able to revisit that style of gameplay, and Dusk certainly nails the aesthetic and feel of it, but I think the levels themselves leave something to be desired. A lot of the time I was running around in open spaces between buildings that were packed with enemies and items, and that felt a lot less Quakey to me. Still, that much is a personal preference and I didn't end up taking this one too far, but for retro fast FPS fans this seems like a very solid choice!

Going Under [Steam]

This was another in the string of Rogue-lite's I played. I was pretty surprised because I wasn't expecting this kind of gameplay when I first got it, but this is another that I didn't spend too much time with. From a strictly personal level, I've become really tired of corporate culture and HR speak. While this is parodying that, it still struck a nerve that was difficult to get into because the kinds of things I've dealt with were just too similar to the joking happening here.

Visually it's very fun and I do love the style. Gameplay wise, it seems like it would take a bit to get used to the controls and how the mechanics with weapons interplay with combat and different enemies. It definitely has its charm and is a labor of love, but I myself couldn't revisit it.

Bugsnax [Steam]

This one was one I'd been wanting to play for quite some time. A friend described it to me as Pokemon Snap but with puzzle elements and a mystery story, and I was down for it. That's pretty accurate, and the whole game is very charming. Without giving spoilers, I was very invested despite a lot of the characters at least seeming very 1-dimensional at first, but each one actually gets fleshed out into something more real and interesting the more you look into them. My only gripe is the physics on some of these things made it very annoying to catch certain bugsnax that required precise timing. For example, there's be a flying bug above an aggressive bug, and you had to knock down the flying bug into the trap, trigger the trap, and collect it before the angry bug noticed any of it and knocked you and it over. That being said, there aren't many instances like that and it seems like the kind of game where there's an easy solution to catching them all.

Another pretty high recommendation for those interested in a fun story experience and some collectathon elements

Rogue Legacy 2 [Steam]

So I was a big fan of Rogue Legacy when it first came out and 100% it. When I picked up this one however, nearly a decade after the original released, I had a lot more experience with rogue-likes and what I wanted out of them. This game is definitely the Rogue Legacy experience, however for some reason I found myself way more easily frustrated with it than I did with other Rogue-Lite's I've played recently. Something about how immensely the stat boosts and things outside the castle affect how you play within it just doesn't feel as good as learning the game better and just playing better, or unlocking alternatives instead of just straight upgrades. That and there's like 4 gear-like systems outside of the main game, which just seemed overly complex.

All-in-all, if you liked the original Rogue Legacy you'll probably like this one since it's a lot more of the same with additional things to grind, but for me personally there are better Rogue Lite experiences out there

Dead Estate [Steam]

Look, no- Look see I- Wait, listen. Hold up, no. Stop. I know what you're thinking, and yes I absolutely clicked on this game initially because of the thumbnail. We're moving on.

Barring that, the game is crazy fun! 2 Characters to start with going into 8, 4 of whom have entirely unique playstyles and 8 different floors to go through. Loads of secrets, challenging but not repressively so, and a very charming and funny but with an interesting story with plot twists galore, Dead Estate is probably one of the best Rogue-lite's I've played in a while. My only gripe is that they could do with a bit more content (which they are launching out as well so I will revisit it!) and that the 2.5 D Isometric angle sometimes messes with enemy placement relative to the character, but all in all I highly recommend it to anyone looking for a fun rogue-lite to scratch that itch! Especially now that they're updating it, though expect to take a little bit to get used to the 2D isometric jank.

Kirby's Dream Buffet [Switch Download-Only]

I got this one near launch thinking "Hey, this will be a fun time! Kirby spin-offs are typically loaded with content and fun things to unlock, so this should be at least a few days worth to keep me entertained!"

Not so.

Not sure if it's been updated since release, however when I played your only real option was to go online and play the normal game, which is just kind of okay. The racing is a bit of a crapshoot; it's really easy for one player to pull ahead of the pack and have the Mario-Kart issue where everyone behind them is fighting to get close to them, and the ending area is really the one that matters. The final battle minigame is also a bit hectic but not really deep as well. None of it is particularly satisfying, and it's something I would've expected to be a side multiplayer mini-game in a mainline Kirby game instead of its own release. Unless this gets an update that lets you play for free, this one's a pass and not worth the money.

Dr. Mario Rx [Switch Online: N64]

I revisited this one since I never 100% it as a kid and unlocked the final 2 characters, and figured with the save state system I could at least make it so I didn't game over. Boy, do I get why I never beat it!

This game's charm, which future Dr. Mario games will routinely miss out on, is that there's a very simple plot and weird Wario Land 3 characters scattered throughout. Sure, it's not exciting, but having another player character to go against is fun, and seeing Wario and all his wacky enemies react to a puzzle game is just delightful. Of course, the game is RIDICULOUSLY HARD and you can only unlock the final 2 characters by completing both story paths on hard WITHOUT DYING. I'm convinced this is impossible, making the NSO version of this the best possible version for allowing people like me to finally get their closure of a complete character select screen. Dr. Mario Rx is probably the best Dr. Mario experience you can get, and while I wouldn't say get NSO for it or any of the N64 library, it's definitely a highlight of the library if you have access. It's difficulty can be incredibly frustrating though, and this is a game I would encourage using the save state function if only to restart levels after a loss.

Disney Dreamlight Valley [Switch]

This one's funny because my sister actually played this for a month while I watched and was nearby, so while I don't have direct experience I do have enough to give a recommendation on it.

It's pretty clear this was an attempt by Disney to appeal to the exact market of Gen Z/ Millennials that have nostalgia for their childhood and were struck hard by the pandemic. Basically, it obviously saw Animal Crossing's runaway success and thought "Oh shit, that's a market!" It shows, pretty hard.

As far as gameplay goes, it doesn't seem bad. You run a Valley with a bunch of Disney characters around. You farm, fish, and do favors for these characters while trying top build up friendships and solve mysteries of what happened to the island. On paper it's a good idea at least In practice? Well.

The game is incredibly buggy. Like I can't believe Nintendo let them put this up for sale levels of buggy. I understand that it's in "Early Access", but looking at this through my Sister's eyes, who has no concept of a game which was sold for money being a buggy alpha version, this is an incredibly poor show. The music stutters, quests would easily be stuck in an un-completable state because of bad logic, characters interact poorly, timed music did not lined up with the mechanics, and the game would frequently come to a standstill and crash. When she wasn't actively fighting it, she was engaging in what was your basic skinner box with villagers asking her to find, fish, or craft (crafting animation matches AC's almost 1-to-1) , and while there's definitely something there, the whole time I was watching I just felt like this was a really cynical cash grab. I would avoid this, especially the Switch Version, like the plague until they've removed it from "Early Access" and their monetization scheme gets finalized

Splatoon 3 [Switch]

I am still coming to terms with the fact that no matter how hard I try, no matter how much I research, and no matter how many times I delve into it, I will never be good enough at most competitive games that I like to be able to play online in a way where I'm not bogged down by my own disappointment with my abilities and frustration at the game.

It is a good thing then that the Single player and Salmon Run in this game are so much fun! While I can't say those themselves are worth your $60, I can say that I had a great time with it while I did play, and really enjoy the setting and world they've built with the series. While it doesn't break much ground in comparison to the previous game, it's definitely worth a go if you've enjoyed the first 2 entries.

Kirby and the Crystal Shards [Switch Online: N64]

This is probably my 7th time revisiting this game. As a kid, this game felt very challenging and I never 100% it. As an Adult, I realize it's more arguing with the floaty controls and knowing the really hard to find 3 crystal locations, and then just paying attention to where you can get the power ups you need. It's definitely not the best or most content heavy Kirby outing, but it's definitely worth a play for the cute character interactions and fun of mixing and matching power-ups. The experience is worth like $5 at most these days, but for sure give it a go if you've got access to it for free.

Mario + Rabbids: Sparks of Hope GOLD EDITION [Switch]

This now being a spinoff franchise is really cool because it's wacky and out there, but still very fun to play. Gameplay wise it's not too much different from the original. The grid is gone and replaced with normal movement, which has some downsides but is overwhelming a positive change. The more open level nature is also welcome, and the humor is still pretty good.

The biggest issue with the game for me is something that not everyone will take issue with, but it very much kind of misses the tone. It feels like a rabbids game with 5 Mario characters in it instead of a Mario spinoff. The environments, plots, and characters are all Rabbids and loopy fantasy mix, and none of it at all to do with the title characters until the very end. The first game combined Mario, Rabbids, and toysets into the environment which all gelled really well together, but without the Mario aspects it really just feels like they made a game without the Mario characters and then threw them in as an afterthought.

It's still a wonderful game and I highly recommend it! Just don't go into it expecting a pre-sticker-star Mario RPG level of world building and storycrafting

Banjo-Kazooie [Switch Online: N64]

Another 3D collectathon classic I revisited and 100% this year. I still strongly hold that Tooie is the better game. Unfortunately it's not currently available on Switch for reasons that are unclear, and the Xbox releases of these games are definitely still the superior way to play with their widescreen, controls, and frame rate improvements. With all that said, this is pretty much the best 3D platformer experience you can get from that time that's aged well enough to recommend, so whether you're like me or are just able to try this for the first time, it's definitely worth the go.

Sonic Frontiers [Steam]

A Sonic lore fan's paradise, and a Sonic gameplay fan's reason to keep holding on. It's hard not to compare this with Pokemon in a lot of ways, if only because Pokemon has similar opportunity to deliver on what fans of the series actually want and has failed bother technically and from a gameplay perspective for several games in a row now (except Arceus, which still could use some work). Frontiers however managed to hit that sweet spot where the gameplay was fun and not in the way of the game, and the story scratched that itch that I've had for Sonic games since SA2.

Gameplay has some series staple Sonic jank, but the action stages are really fun, the boss fights are hype af, and it's just fun to run around in the overworld again. That last point is something that the series hasn't really nailed since dashing around station square in Sonic adventure, and maybe a bit in the 360 versions of Unleashed.

Is it perfect? No, but it's right where I wanted it to be with my expectations on what an experienced developer should be able to do, with some great high points to counteract the low. I do recommend this game for any fans of any of the 3D Sonic games. A word of warning though: the PC version is best. Even though it still has pop-in issues, the framerate and visuals are most consistent on that version and the rest of the ports are just taking bits away.

Nier:Automata [Steam]

This one I'm still playing; apparently getting the first real ending isn't actually enough to experience the full game. I'm halfway to the second now, and I think I understand that.

Game's fun! I feel like I'm missing out on a lot as I go though, which always makes me anxious. I do really like the themes of the game so far and the character interactions, even if some of them are incredibly anime. I don't have a really solid opinion yet, but dumping this many hours into it and then wanting to continue is definitely a good sign.

Pokemon Violet [Switch]

So this kinda bites. For the first time in a long time Pokemon actually managed to nail movement and interesting play mechanics in Arceus, and just threw most of that right out. This game is a buggy mess that a developer with Pokemon's resources and Nintendo's reputation has absolutely no right to release in this state.

Additionally, the story is great! Sure some of the characters are a bit one note, but the ones they did flesh out are really cool, and their character designs are memorable and fun. Mechanically though this game smells; terrastrallizing is very basic and the once a battle mechanic is overdone at this point. Battle animations are somehow worse and the game's pacing is hot garbage. Due to the lack of level scaling, a feature that is canon and has been done by hobbyists for over a decade now, the "challenge in any order" brag is functionally meaningless. Battle is still painfully slow, the game looks ugly which is only exacerbated by the anti-aliasing and texture tiling issues. For the first time in a very long time, there is no post-game battle challenge, which means once you beat it and finish the dex, something Arceus made fun and fulfilling, you're left with nothing.

Give this a pass over for Arceus, at least until they finish updating and releasing patches for it.

BEST GAME I PLAYED THIS YEAR

I am disqualifying Endwalker because A) I've been playing FFXIV for years now so it's not really new, and B) it would win

So, that leaves an actually very tough decision. I'm actually struggling to pick one, because on the one hand I had a great time with a lot of these but on the other some of those are absolutely carried by their IP. While Arceus is a huge leap forward in terms of actually making a great Pokemon experience, it still has some major issues in terms of visuals, general buginess, weird design decisions, and plot/character interactions still feeling very stiff and uninteresting a lot of the time.

Sonic Frontiers is also up there, but again it's because I've waited so long for a Sonic Plot that took itself way too seriously combined with 3D Sonic Gameplay that was actually fun. Gameplay wise there were a lot of great action stages, but also some rough ones, and exploring the islands was fun but could get tedious, felt a bit futile in terms of how broken fishing is, and janky due to pop-in.

Nier Automata was also really fun, but I haven't really hit a point far enough where it feels like I've truly experienced the world and story despite finishing the first ending. Mario + Rabbids was really good too, but it felt a bit more hollow than I would've liked. I also had a rough year mentally, so it's a bit hard to contextualize each of these in ways that would be expressible in text.

I'm of course overthinking it, because I do have a pick, but it was surprisingly difficult. However, this game single handedly took the most time, consistently surprised and impressed me, and offered a fun challenge while still allowing me to vibe at my own pace.

I am, of course, talking about:

Mario's Super Picross [Switch Online: Super Famicom]

What a fucking SUPRISE this one was. I have a very short tolerance for playing games in other languages, but this one was very easy to figure out after just the first couple puzzles. I love picross, I'm a sucker for Mario, and this one is jam fuckin packed with so many levels. It just keeps on giving for days and days which turned into months and months of chilling on the couch, petting the cat, listening to podcasts, and chiseling out a picture of a tiger that could only possibly be considered one after you finished the whole puzzle and they added color and animated it. Have you played the best puzzle game on this Switch yet?

[mintffxiv]

My thoughts on FFXVI - Full Game Spoilers

Ranking 7.5/10

As I only completed it a couple of hours ago some thoughts might change with time and if there are DLC's or other information after time has passed. My thoughts are also emotionally charged and sporadically disjointed but I will try to keep on point. Speaking of points I'm going to bullet point each thought to try and not ramble as I always do so I can get personal catharsis from writing my feelings out. So this is definitely also a release post because I need to get my feelings out.

Also has Encanto spoilers but I've pointed out where but just to add prior so it can be easily avoided.

The first thing I did after completing the game during the credits was check Google which of course took me to Reddit. This,

was the first post I saw and I've been reading and mulling over it since.

From that post and other comments I did feel some relief that Clive is alive. And for me and thankfully others that Joshua and Dion are alive.

I don't think Clive wrote the book, I think it was Joshua. Even though Tomes gave Clive his quill he also said that Joshua was also quite the historian or something like that. Now I could be misremembering but even so I don't think it's Clive who wrote it.

And speaking on that, I don't like seeing the far off future. I always feel sad when magic is gone because it's so important for this type of fantasy style. I get that it's powerful but the world looses it's spark for me. Like recently I watched Encanto with my friends. Avoid this next part of text if you don't want Encanto spoilers.

Encanto Spoilers start:

Like at the end I was so happy they all kept their magic. I mostly always dislike it when stories lose their magic because that's what made them special. That's what symbolised their strengths in a fancy and literally magical way.

Encanto Spoilers end.

I know it's Squares route to always say yadda yadda humans are magical without magic but they spend their whole damn games with magic as a core standard. I know 16 is different to an extent but it feels like overkill and almost making it too Earth-like. Like I myself am not a stable person so I need these stories to boost me up, so coming back down this way doesn't feel complete or good for me. I think it would have been better if maybe dominants wouldn't be possible anymore or just that simply the blight would stop from the aether being sucked from the land and that everyone would have the chance to use magic. Like magic wasn't the problem it was the abuse of magic so getting rid of it feels too drastic and even too easy. Like Ultima made humanity here, so they are magical beings. The flaw if any is that not all humans can use magic so ideally breaking the original crystal would restore balance to the planet. I'm sure the curse would still be present in a way of overuse but that's what happens to anything with overuse. If you exercise too much you're at risk of damaging your body from pushing too hard etc and as it's balanced now the blight would stop spreading and eventually the land would recover especially with the new survival techniques born from The Hideaway.

I get symbolism is present in all Final Fantasy games, but when it comes at a cost of clear closure it's a problem. I was finally feeling relieved that this game had clear intentions. Such as yes the people have sex lol. Yes they swear. Yes they bleed. But suddenly at the end we aren't given that? 15 really did a number on me and not just because of the ending it was a lot of issues I had so I was tentative with this but as I trust the XIV team and as I was going through the story I was starting to believe in a clear triumphant victory. But no it's just vague to be... I dunno why. Like after all the uncertainty in the game having a clear happy ending would have been so so good and appreciated. I don't feel the catharsis I needed and I expected. Even with the hope and logical thoughts that Clive and co are alive I don't feel closure and it really hurts so bad. And yes I do get heavily invested but that's just my way for many personal reasons but even so I've seen a lot of others feel the same way so that is something at least.

At least they didn't kill Torgal. However I wish he had more of a stronger role. He was our soul mate. I understand how he couldn't get on Bahamut's back but I dunno maybe he could have howled and restored Clive's health during a part of the fight, like how our friends voices cheered us on. And their first meeting was lackluster. Especially after we see how tireless Torgal was collecting Clive's things. There are a lot of jarring disconnects at times which sucks considering a lot of things are said to connect characters and events. A few lines here or there would go a long way.

Continuing on that thought, I was really expecting and then hoping for past scenes and gameplay of the brothers childhood but they had to just jam the knife in at the end. Like it just hurts, really hurts and I hate that. I was also expecting and hoping for politics but that all ends at Phoenix Gate. Like the disappointment when we get to the city of Sanbreque and the brothel only to not explore it but then move fast on rails away from it and never to step once in its city properly. Like that grand palace hello!? I was expecting some sort of masquerade stuff infiltration and seeing our mother there only she doesn't know it's us. But nope they just go off to Twinside but then we can't even explore there and then it gets flown up into the sky like? We're only stuck in the hideaway that we can't edit which would have been really cool and when we're not we're stuck in very similar landscapes outside which are pretty but it really makes the world feel small. Especially that the blight has already limited our exploration having the cities we have being taken away from us really sucks. And Barnabas! I was hoping he'd invite us for a grand dinner and during it we'd get drugged and hallucinate because he's aiding Ultima to easily take possession and then it'd switch to Joshua and we'd play as him going with Jill and Gav to infiltrate the castle and rescue Clive. Going further into my fantasy lol, imagine after recovery which would maybe take some time with Joshua reminding Clive of who he is with flashback game scenes, and maybe even after Clive comes back they end up recruiting Barnabas but I know that's definitely a stretch haha! The point is I felt we weren't given the full tour of the world and I know all Final Fantasy games are lineal but this was very on rails only stopping for side quests and with me personally running around to listen to updated voice commentary on what NPC's had to say which was cool but also distracting and long but I didn't mind especially at the time because I was enjoying figuring out the world.

Too many side characters. I really did like the lore account and information for each NPC big or small but at some point some characters really should have been one instead of two. Example Gaute and the woman next to him (I've forgotten her name and cba to look) who gives us appreciation points, should have been one person. It would also give more chances to have a stronger character we could get to know more and bond with.

Along with that was the bond and war table really necessary? I appreciated it at the time and I do still appreciate the effort but this energy could have been used for making the ending not unnecessarily vague or having all the characters voice lined and not being randomly non voiced. Like I thought my game had a bug before I realised it was doing that style for those parts but it was really confusing and not expected!

On reflection I don't think Metaia disappeared or died, I think it went to tell the moon the wish to be granted and will be back again. But if not I think it definitely went to tell the moon which also symbolises a power higher than what Ultima wanted us to believe. I think it also shows when Clive senses and partially sees his dad at his grave showing bonds and life beyond death which is extremely comforting and valid.

It would be great to learn on Leviathan properly. I know it was destroyed but perhaps there still in a defendant. Some have said it could be the baby in Edda or even Gav who is unaware. I think it's probably a whole other character we might meet in DLC however it'll be something to see how to manage that post world without magic or they do an alternative timeline or even go back in the past though that would also be sad because we know they are 'lost'.

I feel they killed off big characters too quickly which made the passing off. I knew Cid would die from his constant coughing blood and also because he's 'old'. Most characters die if they're old in these games or they are full side NPC's that half their character is being the old person. Also because he's too powerful of a character and they need Clive to take the reigns but it would have been really cool if Cid was still alive and we helped him recover, it would have been cool to have quests for him. Benedikta too, I feel like we didn't get enough of her. She drove a lot of the story well and then was cut out. I feel like they were inspired clearly by GoT but as it went on went back to final fantasy style which had a clash of styles hence the vague ending which most likely would have not been so stark if the full game was that style.

Oh and Jill. Along again with the wish that characters had more character Jill is one. I like Jill she is just above the line of being a basic boring pretty love interest. With Ice unfeeling it would have been great to have Clive melt her icy heart and in doing so she would cool his fiery anger. And I feel Clive didn't get angry enough. Like her whole story part was once again on rails, I feel like we got more emotion and character from Dory's side story because we got to read and somewhat experience this horror. We never one on one talk to Jill about our experiences and she hers to us. And on that I really thought we'd start the game from Clive being imprisoned and branded. We really missed out on a lot of lore building that really would have elevated the driving force of characters.

The bar was stupid and a waste of time. This would have been a great moment to be able to de-stress with the cast and get to know them more. Ben Starr Clive's voice said Clive was funny at least to him so I was expecting more funny and light hearted scenes but it's note like moments and it's not super funny or even cheeky just aha yeah. I wish we got the chance to learn about Clive. The whole game is about revenge to getting the choice to live and throughout that Clive is only that. What does he like to eat or not eat like Joshua and his carrots, does he like music, what does he want to do in life aside from this grand dream. We never get full bonding and comfort moments with the brothers, only a small part that ends in the space of a brief punch.

Our mother's death was disappointing. I think because the reunion was so quick and sudden. I was thinking she had more play in the story and also her bloodline thing makes no sense it's our dads bloodline not hers unless there's some unspoken fucked up GoTs shit going on lol. I was hoping when getting the eikons she'd realise that not only was we strong but far stronger than anyone and try to manipulate us to get a piece of our glory only to fall from grace from rejection just like she had rejected us all these years. Death of a character doesn't always have to be actual death but social death would be amazing. The disgraced Ana groveling to her son's would have been so so damn delicious. But naaa she just cuts her throat. As I said I was expecting and now wished for more political gameplay. Even giving us choices of how to approach a crystal would have been cool planning it, giving Vivian's map a really cool play. And having our Uncle help us with politics.

Like with Torgal I wish we got more chances of love with him and Ambrosia. They stayed loyal all this time and Clive doesn't even get the option to pet her.

I wish we got more clothes and not just us but the cast. We go to the desert in our leather clothes. The only person who ages is us and that's getting slightly more hairy lol like Jill looks the same. I thought the side quest for fabric would get her a new dress but nope.

I'm getting a bit fatigued now but I'll try to finish my thoughts. I gave this a 7.5/10 because of the ending. -2 for Clive and Joshua and 1.5 for Dion because although I want him alive I can understand if he did in fact die though the hope of him seeing with his flower and reuniting with Terrence and maybe even adopting the girl would be really comforting.

I think the only way I could fully be at peace is if DLC not only gave closure and a true happy ending but more loose ends tied up and a look to a fresh bright world not some future book with random people. After all the world isn't as important without the people in it and even more the people we know make it what it is. That's even what Clive said to Ultima that his bonds made him stronger, that because of love for others than himself he was able to beat him.

It's a shame, I was seriously contemplating getting platinum but now I don't want to even look at the screenshots I took and I want to delete them which I might later.

But yeah I do hope for clarity. Clive and Joshua and Dion deserve it. They deserve the world they fought for.

As for now I'm trying to recover, even if it was the ending I wanted and expected finishing a game is always bittersweet. I've been crying and felt shit so writing this helped a little to get it at least off my chest.

🗒️Notes: As usual there might be spelling and grammar mistakes. I might add more thoughts later. These are my thoughts and opinions which rely heavily on my strong emotions. I get extremely attached to games and things for personal reasons so my thoughts might come as even more personal because I take it too heart which is just my way I try to get past that but it's hard so I don't want to force myself. Anyway I'm nodding off now as I took meds for a headache lol so yeah. At least I don't have to worry about spoilers which was stressing me not stop whilst playing which made me anxious to complete it.

Also I wanted to make this short but as always it's long but yeah. I wonder if anyone read all this lol either way I got it out so I don't have to keep talking back and forth to myself as hard as I was. But if you did and even more so agree that means a lot because I'm a fragile person and I know I'm weird or I just don't manage things well so when I see people agree or I see others have my similar thoughts it helps. Anyway sleep now, I've been yapping for 2-3 hours.

New additions

I do like Clive and Jill together and how they were mostly portrayed. Same as most of the relationships but I just wanted more. I know they are busy with the plan and also have to be to defeat Ultima in time but they even said at the end Ultima would wait lol so totally could have time before then or before Clive was ready. I feel it was done well for a FF game and in general Japanese RPG games but the bar isn't very high so can't really compare. Anyway more talking moments would have been top.

[chaoticgeminate]

Kelly—not a cafe ask but a request:

I would love some game recs. I’m a bit tapped/maxed out on Stardew (I’ve pretty much done everything in it, even with the big updates) but I loved that game, would be really interested in finding more like it (or just seeing what other people who liked that game have also liked)

If you wouldn’t mind sharing, of course 💜

I hope you’re having a lovely day!

Jess! I'm having an amazing day, we have a nice breeze (finally) and the sun is shining (which is a shocker here in England sometimes)!

I am delighted to share some of my favorite game recs with you, though I admit I have no idea what system you use primarily so I'll list some of my top 10 current favorite games (in no particular order) and why as well as what systems they can be played on as well as if they're on PC Gamepass 💙 I'll throw some honorable mentions on there too.

My Time at Portia [PC/Console/Mobile]: This game is a lifestyle simulation in the same vein as Stardew Valley except instead of farming you build new inventions and tech. Its set in a post-apocalyptic time where people are suspicious of a LOT of technology and like Stardew has one of the biggest varieties of romanceable NPCs if that's your thing. There are some light themes of religion vs science, but not to the point that it makes the game too philosophical. It plays okay on console but the company that Pathea hired to do the porting wasn't exactly the greatest so it can get really buggy, if you have a PC you'll get the best experience. (It IS available on Xbox game pass currently)

Catlateral Damage [PC/PS4]: So this game is literally just for fun. It's a game where you run around as a cat and your goal is to just destroy EVERYTHING. You knock things off counter tops, tables, bookshelves... it's one of those games you can turn on and play mindlessly to either kill time or work out your frustrations on imaginary dishes.

No Place Like Home [PC]: So this game is also a lifestyle simulation and like Stardew Valley it has farming as a core mechanic, but like Portia it's set in a sort of post-human scenario. In this one humans left the earth so trash ridden that they fled to Mars, your character comes back to find her grandfather and you recycle trash and actually clean up his farm and the local town (that's as far as I've gotten right now). It's a unique spin on a farming simulation.

House Flipper [PC/Console/Mobile]: As someone who can get lost for weeks if I boot up the Sims this is a very healthy alternative for me. So as you can guess the point of this game is to buy and flip houses, you can renovate them basically any way you want though paint colors and wallpapers are kind of limited. It can be very relaxing or very frustrating but I have fun playing around with designs and layouts with it and I tend to use it if I'm designing houses for fics. (Available on game pass)

Power Washing Simulator [PC/Xbox/PS4&5]: So this is one I jut picked up and only after I'd seen let's play videos on it, it's just an aesthetically pleasing game for me and I love the methodical work of powerwashing fictional things. It's another mindless game of turn it on and get the satisfaction of seeing clean lines carved through fake grunge.

Final Fantasy XIV Online [PC/Play Station]: While I have tried out numerous MMORPG games it is this one that speaks to me the best. The JRPG art style isn't exactly everyone's cup of tea and I get that, and it is a monthly service subscription if you aren't a free account so I won't try and shove it down anyone's throats, but the story for this game is absolutely phenomenal. You can play free up to level 60 and through the Heavensward Expansion, which is the base game and first expansion and still have an AMAZING experience.

Maneater [PC/Console]: Okay so I thought I was going to HATE this one. I have mild thalassophobia so underwater and ocean based games are usually a HARD pass for me. But I think since you are the predator in this game it was a bit easier for me to handle. This one is another mindless destruction game, you play as a shark and eat fish (and eventually people) to grow and level up with a crazy mutation side story and a shark hunter out to kill you. It's where my insane gamer!Pero emote/meme picture was born (I have a pink gaming chair and plan to get the Razer Kraken Kitty headset) (Also game pass available)

Subnautica/Subnautica Below Zero [PC/Console]: Right so these play more like a horror game to me (thanks phobias) but the landscape and the world of both of these games are stunning. I'm playing them very slowly and have watched let's play videos already, as well as tuned into friends streaming it, but the environment of these games are really truly just beautiful. Alien oceans and creatures, base building, resource gathering, and a really deep story in both of them. Below Zero is the sequel so naturally some of the functions are more fleshed out but they're both worth a play even if they scare the pants off me. (game pass available)

Stray [PC/Xbox/PS4&5]: I can't do this list without Stray, it is absolutely a newer game but I'm in love with it. There are some levels that squick me out but don't make it fear inducing, it's very puzzle platformer and one of the coolest dystopian worlds I've seen created. The robots are all unique, the cat is cute, and there's a dedicated meow button!

Raft [PC]: This is another game I thought I'd hate, even if it is a survival/building simulation like Minecraft, because... water. But honestly I actually really love it. You can get absolutely insane with your raft building, you can have animals and bee hives, it's honestly (to me) super fun to just go creative mode and see what sort of zany designs I can come up with to work out into survival mode.

Honorable Mentions: Undertale, Ori and the Blind Forest, Ori and the Will of the Wisps, Strange Horticulture, Among Us, Pokemon Sword and Shield, Pokemon Legends Arceus, Animal Crossing New Horizons, Chrono Cross Remaster, Atelier Ryza, Crash Bandicoot and Spyro Series' remasters

[thingswhatareawesome]

just sr pathetic whining.

do just like i'm supposed to when trying swarm diff III. path of abundance, pres mc, qq, dhil, luocha. get great run of blessings. boss stage 1 pastes qq near instantly (even had the destr blessing to divide dmg), then couple rounds later gets dhil, despite healing. draws out to boss enrage (goddamn grizzlies anyway). constant enemies with lightning dmg, when i didn't have jy, ofc. and boss buff was gonna do shit anyway, bc it was going to create phys or ice weakess, which ofc i had neither of.

next run, take jy. still use path abundance. blessing choices are constant shit, don't even have the basic resonance yet. partway through stage 1, get a swarm i literally can't do enough dmg to to get ahead of the new spawns, sit and spin until enrage. and ofc jy dies. does that matter? no, bc this time they want *quantum* so i should've had qq.

so tired of the random bullshit in this event. you NEVER have the damage type they're going to want, every time you guess you're wrong. the blessing rng is all over the place. and ofc my shields just aren't good enough bc i'm sure i just should have gepard's super shields which i don't, bc i'm both f2p and standard only ever gave me one 5* and that's himeko.

i just HATE this event. i wasted so much gd time, to get nothing. yet yesterday i did so well on difficulty II and it was damned near easy. it's ALL RANDOM RNG and god i just want to destroy shit and i'm just again, so frustrated bc all i can see is i'm too pathetic and shitty at this game and my characters are too shitty to function, and all i see are people with amazing characters with amazing stats and i just WISH i could fucking have their relics and planar shit bc all mine are bad and it's not my fault??? it's what the game's given me? i'm doing my fucking best??? and it's just not enough.

just tired of this event making it seem like hoyo's gating me, that i'm not allowed to play with the big kids anymore. all bc just rng on top of rng on top of rng with a f2p cherry on top.

idk. not sure whether to retry it tomorrow with path preservation, or just give up and go back to diff ii and accept i'm too crappy to do any better (meanwhile everyone considers III ez or normal and only get challenged higher).

and yet again i'm going to be up too late. bc sim u shit takes SO MUCH TIME and ofc so does the swarm version. and i'm tired of not realizing i'm playing til 1am which means i'll be lucky to be goign to bed by 3. again.

and i think i'm the only one who hates this event, who's frustrated and upset by it, everyone else thinks it's fun and great, like it's only ME that's struggling. because i suck. i guess.

i hate that i hit the point in this game where i feel too shitty of a player to be daring to play. i remember when i got to that point in xiv when i changed from hey i'm having fun at this and i'm doing my best and doing good to wow i suck and no matter hard i try i'm always avg at best. and now i've hit that here, where i felt like hey i'm having fun i'm doing good if i do my best and keep trying i eventually get it to now just i already know to not bother with FH and now this just says nah i'm shitty and everyone else are meta gods and i'm stupid and take forever to learn, but no matter how much i do or how much time i spend learning, the game's still going to fuck me over by just constant CONSTANT bad rng in every damned aspect of the game.

why can't the game just give me a fucking break and give me the good rng it give other people. please, why push me down when i'm already down as it is.

and seriously HOW COULD I DO SO WELL YESTERDAY AND SO COMPLETELY AWFUL TODAY. ALL THROUGH ALL 3 PARTS OF DIFF II WITHOUT EVEN ONE DEATH AND THIS I CAN'T EVEN DO STAGE 1. i just...what the fuck even. tired of feeling like i only get to do well if i'm lucky and all the stars align just so. why even try if the biggest gamble is if the game is/isn't going to outright fuck you over and prevent you from succeeding.

i just...want some event rewards too :/ i knew i wasn't going to get them all, had that happen before on one with difficulty levels. didn't realize i was barely going to get anything from doing my literal goddamned best.

[bladeshowers]

2, 5, 19-22, 27, 32, 36

Do you RP anywhere else, other than tumblr?

I doo. I rp on some forums, but they're primarily more geared towards original settings and some other fandoms. I'm not as heavily invested into them.

Is there any other muse in this fandom you RP?

I've contemplated trying some muses. I do feel weird about trying out some new ones in case they don't exactly stick or aren't really requested. Not to mention who others write or canons I actually have rps with. I've thought about writing Y'shtola, Asahi, and Fandaniel before. The latter because he's my emotional support ascian despite what an ass he is. Otherwise tho? No.

Do you have ship bias?

With my oc's yeah. Some canon's also yeah. Some personalities just mesh better with others. Some I can see with anyone like G'raha, Aymeric, or Emet. Ardbert I feel like could be shipped with most characters within reason and actual build up. Venat/Hydaelyn I don't really ship with anyone and have tenatively labeled her as ace in my head. I'm open to seeing if that changes but it would have to be like a chemistry + plotting type deal.

What’s a ship you don’t want to roleplay at all with this muse? (except Bad Illegal And Gross Stuff, of course)

^ Nothing really. Most of my notps are involving characters I don't actually write as.

What do you think of your muse’s popular fandom ship?

I mean, my warriors of light and their popular ships all make sense. Ardbert I don't think has one that's popular? if he does I haven't dug into it much shrug emoji.

What do you think of your muse’s canon ship, if they have one?

They don't, luckily. Ngl I generally dislike canon ships to some extent because it's rare I actually like them. But I am that ass with unpopular shipping opinions(TM).

Are you interested into poly relationships for your muse?

POSSIBLY. I'm generally okay with poly ships if it's three characters between two people. When more people get involved it raises the possibility of drama and I'm too old and laid back. Some muses gravitate more easily to it than others - e.g. - Amara with caveats since she's an extremely jealous and possessive person when push comes to shove and would have to be the star of the show for lack of a better description. Evan is more open to being loving to everyone, without labels or settling down, which is an easy way for people to get hurt icly. Ardbert, I'm not sure on.

Do you regularly do dash commentaries?

Nah. I'm more likely to do them on my other blog since I have a tiny friend group over there. Here I just kind of vibe and go with the flow. I only talk too…two people on discord about rp related things? So I usually don't get inspired to do it and I also don't usually read other people's rp unless a word catches my interest. Or pretty graphics. I read ooc stuff, character headcanons, etc.

Do you feel similar to your muse in any way?

Sort of. Each of them has tiny bits inspired by me or my thoughts/feelings/headcanons that are either overemphasized for differences or under-emphasized. Evan has most of my preferred classes in xiv as her specializations. Her hair color is my favorite color. She tends to be very tomboy-ish like I am. Amara is a xiv-ified version of an oc i've had forever and tweak to whatever setting I want to reinvent her in. She has my interest in technology and general cynical view towards the world and other people.