#god I need more health potions

[animemeg27]

gauntlet of shar and moonrise towers have been the most stressful and rage inducing part of bg3 for me so far lmao

I don't remember the last time I've been so annoyed at a game like it's to the point I think I might just switch to easy mode instead of normal mode on my next play through;;;;;;

[prodigalbutch]

i want to go play bg3 but i just remembered im in the middle of rescuing wyll’s fucking dad

[frantic-fiction]

Lose Yourself 18+

Pic: @casualya (side note....hot 🥵)

Astarion x f!reader, Astarion x f!Tav

Summary: During a feeding Astarion gets worked up and a bit too excited. He's embarrassed, but it turns out Tav finds it incredibly hot.

Warmings: Smut MDNI, Premature ejaculation, dry humping, fingering, PnV Sex, overstimulation, comfort sex, blood

Word Count: 2.2k

Astarion's grip tightens against your jaw, tilting your head slightly more to give him better access to your neck. The initial chill of his bite has settled to a delicious icy throb. A moan rips from your kiss-swollen lips, relishing the feeling of your blood flowing into his greedy mouth. You scratch your nails against Astarion’s scalp, combing through his tousled curls. A smile streches you lips when a shiver runs down his spine, and the hand grabbing your thigh tightens.

The majority of Astarion’s body weight is blanketing you. His hips slotted between your parted legs, mindlessly grinding against the inside of your thigh, too consumed by your blood to be fully in control. You rub his back, shoulders, neck, any skin you can get you wandering hands on and whispering sweet nothings into his ear. This has him purring into your neck and rutting faster against your body, chasing more pleasure.

This night, you had made sure to stock up on extra health potions and lesser restoration scrolls so Astarion could have his fill without worry of any repercussions on your health come morning. 

And gods, you will be sure to make this a ritual from now on because seeing Astarion so lost in your body’s comfort, so relaxed and focused solely on his pleasure. It has your heart pounding and arousal pooling between your thighs. 

Feeling the telltale signs that it’s time for Astarion to stop, you grab tightly at his shoulder giving him a little shake. “Star,” you slur. 

Astarion sighs through his nose, taking one last sip before unlatching from your neck. He’s still lost in the haze of his feeding, eyes glossy and unfocused, trying desperately to meet your gaze. Tiny trickles of blood fall down his chin and onto your chest, where he messily laps the droplets with his tongue. Astarion’s hips are still pistoning against you, and little breathless gasps of pleasure escape his mouth. You swear you’ve never seen a more gorgeous sight. Then Astarion tenses, and with a choked sob of your name falls from his mouth, and he comes spilling onto your stomach.

The room stills.

Only the sounds of rapid breaths fill the room. Astarion’s eyes are wide open, and his mouth is agape, looking down at the mess on your stomach. You’re frozen, glued to the beads of sweat trailing down Astarion’s chest, moving down the planes of his stomach. 

“Shit,” he backs away. An embarrassed flush–only evident due to the recent blood consumption– floods his face moving all the way to the points of his ears.

“Fuck,”  you whimper needily, clenching against the rush of heat that simmers in your stomach.

Then Astarion lets you go, and you finally notice Astarion’s distress.

“I-that…shit,” Astarion stumbles over his words and hands you a cloth to clean yourself with. “I’m so–”

You pounce, and he catches you in his arms, looking startled. “Don’t you dare finish that sentence?” You growl, claiming his mouth in a chaste kiss, chasing the metallic taste off his lips. “That was so fucking hot.”

He clicks his tongue and lets go of you again. Backing away, Astarion starts picking up his scattered clothes. “Yes, I’m sure watching me cream myself like a boy being touched for the first time was just so attractive.” Astarion huffs and rolls his eyes. “Spare me,”

Feeling annoyed, you huff, knowing you need a different approach. Moving closer, you grab the clothes from Astarion’s hand, throw them to the side, and cup his jaw. You draw him into another kiss and trail a hand up the smooth skin of his chest, stopping to circle your thumb around his nipple. Astarion signs into your mouth and runs both his hands down your naked sides, pausing to squeeze your hips.

“My love, that was by far one of the most sexy things I’ve ever seen.” Voice low and seductive, your lips barely pulling away from him. “Seeing you lose control, drunk on my blood, on my body,” 

Astarion shudders when you scratch your nails lightly down his chest before taking his hand in yours. Smiling wickedly, you peck his lips and pull away, ensuring he can see eyes. 

“Hells, Star,” Pulling him, you guide his fingers to your dripping heat. “I’ve never been so turned on.”

This has the desired effect. Astarion’s nimble fingers instinctually begin exploring, and you bite back a moan. He pulls away quickly to examine his slick, covered digits. When Astarion meets your gaze, all embarrassment seems to vanish, and he’s pushing you back down onto the bed. He rests his forearms on either side of you, cradling your head. Astarion trails a thumb over the curve of your jaw. Your hands snake around his neck. 

You don’t think you’ll ever get used to having Astarion look at you like he is now. Like you hung the moon and crafted each star so he would never be alone at night. It overwhelms you with such love that all you can do is pull him down and capture his lips. The kiss has no urgency, just two lovers enjoying the soft embrace. It holds the warmth of a crackling campfire, its embers building to something that leaves you needing more. 

Astarion coaxes your mouth open, and when you grant him access, he leads your tongue in a practiced dance. Feeling the tease of his razor-sharp fang, you moan, cupping the back of his head. You match the growing pace, hooking one leg over Astarion's hip to pull him flush against your body.

A groan rumbles through Astarion’s chest, and he gives a playful bite to your bottom lip, earning a squeak you will deny if asked about later. One of his hands moves down to delicately play with your breast, kneading softly before pinching your nipple between his finger and thumb. You break the kiss with a breathless gasp, tugging at Astarion’s roots, forcing a ragged groan from the elf. Astarion wastes no time to pepper kisses down the column of your neck.

“I don’t think I tell you enough, just how beautiful you are, darling.” He mumbles against your collarbone before sucking a bit of skin into his mouth and playfully teasing it between his teeth. 

You chuckle, swing your other leg, and link them behind his back. “You tell me at least once a day, handsome,”

“You’re such a sap.” You tease and roll your hips up against Astarion’s cock, already swelling once again.

“See, not nearly enough.” He pulls away from the freshly marked skin.

“You, my love, are so breathtaking, exquisite, beautiful,” Astarion emphasizes each adjective with wet, open-mouth kisses down to your chest before beginning to suck another mark just above your heart.

He grunts, grinding back against you. “Only for you, my love.” 

Astarion’s hand moves between your bodies to your neglected pussy. His deft fingers enter you with a wet squelch, and you instinctively buck into his palm. A whimper leaves your lips, and you dig your nails into the skin of Astarion’s shoulder. He set a pace that is both agonizing and toe-curling perfect. 

“See what you’ve reduced me to, darling,” Astarion whispers sinfully, voice low and filled with temptation, his thumb finds your clit. He applies light pressure rubbing tight circles. 

You throw your head, arching your back, clamping your thighs tighter around his waist. “Fuck, Star.” 

Astarion picks up his pace just a notch; his mouth finds your neck again. “It’s all your fault.” He says before biting your ear.

You cry out his name, fisting the bedsheet, feeling the familiar coil building. You are so lost in your pleasure you barely notice Astarion is now rubbing his cock with his spare hand looking down at you with lidded eyes.

“M close Star.” You cry, bucking your hips against his palm. “Fuck.. don’t stop.”

“I am now merely a sappy, love-sick fool who just can’t control myself when it comes to you.”

Astarion is now pumping his fingers in and out of your sopping-wet cunt in a way that has your orgasm building quickly.

“That’s it, darling,” He groans, kissing you softly. “Let go for me,”

Electricity pulses through you, seizing every muscle, every nerve, and every cell of your body with blinding pleasure. You’re moaning and babbling nonsense and pulling him into a sloppy kiss, all teeth and tongue. Astarion continues his ministrations, helping you ride out your orgasm. Finally, when the heat simmers down, he pulls his fingers from your body, leaving you whining from the loss. 

Astarion is quick to put your whines at ease. “Will you give me one more, my love, please?” Astarion practically begs, kissing you with the desperation of a starving man. 

The tip of his swollen cock slides through your folds and teases your sensitive entrance. You barely have time to choke out a yes, please, before Astarion is plunging into you with a grunt. Instinctually, you clench around his length, loving the feel of the fullness Astarion always gives you. 

“Shit..so tight,” Astarion groans and begins to thrust frantically into your heat. “Always so perfect.”

“Astarion.”

All decency, coordination, and softness was tossed away. Both of you were too sensitive, too desperate for the other, to care for anything but mindless pleasure. It was messy, feral, and perfect. Astarion devoured your mouth, groaning against your tongue. His hands couldn’t seem to stay in one place, constantly caressing, grabbing, and massaging any part of you he could hold. 

You spread your legs wide and angled your hips, bucking against each one of Astarion’s deep thrusts. One of your hands cups Astarion’s jaw, keeping him close, and the nails of your other rake down his back, causing a violent shiver to run through Astarion’s body.

“M-more..ugh, please.” You gasp out between Astarion’s feverish kisses.

He nods in return and grunts into your open mouth. “Shit..ugh,”

With a strength you hope never to get used to, Astarion effortlessly switches your positions. Your hands are on his chest, knees framing his slim waist. He’s on his back, smirking smugly up at you. You giggle dumbly, feeling dizzy from the sudden movement. That giggle turns into a wanton moan as Astarion thrusts up into you, hitting a deeper spot inside of you.

“Yes... Star.” Using the hold he has on your hips, he moves your body to pick up the brutal pace from before. “Gods,”

You bounce on your knees in time with his thrusts, and the room is filled with the slick sound of skin slapping against skin and collective cries of ecstasy. The pleasure is almost too much, and you feel the pressure bubbling again. You try to say as much, but a wave of pleasure has you gasping mindlessly, head lolling to the side.

Astarion wants to feel you come undone around him. Lose yourself so he can lose himself with you. So you oblige his request and snake a hand between your legs just above where Astarion is fucking you and begin to rub your clit in time with his quick thrusts. 

“Love, fuck..ngh,” he chokes on a moan. His thrusts are faltering and getting sloppier.

“T-touch yourself for me... I’m close.” He trails off grunting, but you don’t need words to know what he wants.

It’s all too much, the angle of Astarion’s hips hitting the sweet spot inside you over and over, the delicious grip of his hand on your body, the tenderness of your clit as you add more pressure. You’re so close and trying hard to keep looking at Astarion’s beautiful flushed face and wanting him to be your last image before you fall into black-out bliss. But it’s getting harder to keep your eyes focused. Your numb legs buckle, and you stumble forward; your orgasm is almost painful. It tears through your body, ripping pleasure from your trembling muscles and fried nerves. You bite into the flesh of Astarion’s pectoral to stifle your sobs of ecstasy.

“Fuck, darling, good girl.” Astarion praises, grinding your hips against his. “Shit... I’ve got you.” And with a few shallow, pitiful rolls of his body, Astarion is cumming with a deep guttural groan filling you with ropes of his warm come.

He drops boneless, and you pant against his chest, heart still pounding against your ribs. You both are like jelly melting into a puddle on the bedsheets. You feel the drag of Astarion’s fingertips drawing nonsense patterns on your back. Humming softly, you pepper kisses over his still heart. 

“Shouldn’t be embarrassed ’round me,” you mumble, yawning against his skin, too tired to raise your head. The feeling of Astarion’s fingers felt like a sleep spell. “I love you. Nothing’s gonna change that.”

Astarion stiffens under you, hand stilling against your back, clearly taken back. It takes him a bit to respond, but you don’t rush him. Just continue to kiss his chest and melt further at the feeling of his hands on your skin. Content just being here with Astarion.

He clears his throat before saying thickly, “And I love you, darling.” Astarion moves slightly and pulls out of your tender cunt. In doing so, a gush of your combined juices spills down your thighs.

 “Gross, now I feel sticky.” You puff, grimacing at the feeling.

“How about I draw us a bath?” You nod silently and he sits you both up. However you refuse to get off his lap, clinging to him like a sloth to a tree. 

“Carry me?” 

He kisses the crown of your head. “Always.” Astarion scoops you up and carries you along to the bath.

Heya, I quite like how this turned out. I love writing 'rougher' smut, but sometimes the tender stuff just hits ya know? Let me know what you thought. I hope Astarion didn't seem ooc.

If you want to be added to the taglist DM me, please!

Taglist: @heartfully10 @ayselluna @marina-and-the-memes @anixson @canonicalchaoticneutral @toadsbitch @meulinkitten-blog @ambr4armr @lotusandcrystals @venussakura @synapticjive @skittleabyss @asterordinary @lariatbunny @whispering-depths @butchboi-chihuahua-slumlord @darkest-part-of-the-forest @queenofcarrotflowers-s @sessils @d20bunny @cherifrog @ophelia-ophelian

[violenteconomics]

Twst but the first-year gang become actual licensed professionals cause Crowley will donate to the Vacation Fund if they do?

anything 4 u, baby.

actual licensed professionals in what, though, is the question? 🤔

maybe the nurse quits because of their extremely low wages, so crowley convinces the first-years to go to freaking medical school to get licenses to practice medicine (because he is NOT going to be sued if things go poorly), and all of them start working in the infirmary part-time for 100 thaumarks a day.

sebek is already the son of a dentist, and he's surprisingly really intense about it (IT'S MY FATHER'S LEGACY, AND I WILL CARRY IT WITH HONOR) so you have him filling in cavities and stabbing people and saying that the knife going through their arm wouldn't have hurt if they had just flossed, obviously. given all his swords training, he's also in charge of applying ointment to cuts and making casts for broken bones. he's also great

being a pomefiore student, and combined with his newly-secured medical license, epel can mix up an extremely potent healing potion. being an apple farmer from harveston, he can also expertly mix epels into the concoction so that it tastes a little less like dirt. students start going to epel instead of crewel for their health potions because his don't make them feel like throwing up, lol. he also gains a reputation for cursing out people who keep showing up with the same injuries every damn day. ("WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU GOT BUCKED IN THE FACT BY A HORSE AGAIN, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU--")

ace is very good at noticing little details in people (always thinking about his fairy gala vignette fr), and can almost diagnose someone the moment they step through the infirmary door. the rumors of his genius ability spreads through the school like wildfire, and next thing you know, he's putting actual sage's island hospitals out of business because now people are going to him instead of actual adult doctors, and ace just. doesn't notice?? like he genuinely thinks full-grown adults coming to him for his expert opinion is just a part of his job description as a high school nurse.

while deuce has a license, he's still not very good at being a medical professional. first day on the job, he knocks over all of epel's potions, catches the infirmary on fire, and gives their anemic patient the flu... somehow. luckily, as we all know, deuce has the charisma of a million gods, so he's in charge of calming people down in the waiting room that he also helped to decorate. the harsh blue on yellow walls are a little much, but eh. deuce is cute, so he makes up for it. some people come in for check-ups just to talk to him, because the rizz never ends.

ortho is like. all the hospital machines in one tiny robot body. he is your x-ray, your weight scale, your height scale, and your radio if your laid in bed and bored... if you don't mind listening to hetalia character songs, lol. he'll switch to something different if you want, but you can't actually tell him what to play, because he's not being paid to play music for you so he doesn't feel the need to heed your request. you are literally at his mercy when it comes to music, so you better get used to listening to oshi no ko's opening theme on loop while you're laid up in bed for the next five hours.

jack does the actual physical stuff -- checking reflexes, writing up prescriptions, using ortho to take x-rays, that sort of thing. people are a little intimidated by him, especially the kids, but all it takes is letting them pet him between the ears for them to calm down. importantly, he is literally the only one of the freshmen to realize that they're doing a lot more work than they probably should be for seven people in a school full of people who'd rather relocate their dislocated limbs themselves than admit they need help. not that he says anything about it because, well, they need the vacation money.

yuu is their ever-exhausted secretary. they're in charge of scheduling appointments, receiving calls, managing their budget, and growing herbs in the botanical gardens, because ingredients for healing potions don't grow on trees... they grow in bushes. they're so overworked, it barely ever occurs to them that maybe some of the people scheduling for appointments really shouldn't be there??? like this girl is literally 6, why is she coming to us about her aching tummy-wummy.

the first-years's medical practice becomes famous around sage's island, and they're over here trying to figure out where they're going to go once they've raised all their vacation money, lol.

[pocket-watcher]

“Well I need someone to test it.”

Having a best friend who ran a potion shop was not the advantage you’d originally thought it was.

Some friends asked you to move furniture, others asked you to stand guard whilst you performed summoning rituals…

And some asked you to blindly try their newest potion without telling you what the potion was even supposed to do.

“No. No way in hell, Julia. Get your apprentice to do it.”

“He’s out collecting ingredients and who knows when he’ll be back. Come on, just a little taste! Mmmm… yummy!”

“And you talking to me like a child is supposed to entice me? I said no.”

The cauldron bubbled away. It was a sickly pink. You felt yourself sweating just looking at it.

“…free health potions and invisibility potions. For a month.” She cocked her head confidently.

“…fine.” You snatched the ladle from her and took a sip, trying to ignore the devious smile on her face.

“Lovely! Now let’s sit you down here.” She tipped an hour class. “It shouldn’t take too long to kick in.

“Why can’t you just tell me what’s supposed to happen?”

“Because we need to make sure it works and you’re not being influence by how you think you’re supposed to feel.”

“Uh… okay.” You twiddled your thumbs for a few minutes. At one point you’d thought you felt too hot but then it turns out that was just you panicking for a moment. It soon passed.

“You really don’t feel anything at all?” She’d asked. Julia had poked and prodded but, nope, you felt as… well, not normal. You never really felt normal. But you’d felt nothing out of the ordinary for yourself yet.

“Sorry, Jules, nothing.”

She grabbed either side of your face and pulled you close to her. You turned red.

“Really? No urge to… do anything right now?”

You thought about it. Julia was attractive, sure. And the sudden closeness did stir something within you. But she was your best friend, so, no. You weren’t about to throw that away on a stupid comment.

“Uh, nope?”

“Kiss me.”

You jumped back.

“W-What?!” You spluttered. “Why would I do that!”

“Because I fed you a love potion! You’re supposed to be head over heels for someone by now…”

Love potion?! Oh no… but, you didn’t feel anything did you? At least, no more than normal…

“You fed me a love potion. God, you’re so fucking lucky that it didn’t wo-“

The bell rang lightly as the door opened.

Shit.

In walked Julia’s assistant. What was his name again? Who cared, to be honest. His bouncing black curls and his sparking eyes and his-

Focus.

Was it hot in here? I felt my arousal growing already.

“Sorry it took me so long!” He laughed, placing down his shopping bags. “I got sidetracked.”

His voice melted into my mind. Why should he apologise to us? He did nothing wrong.

“Oh, hi there! Mind giving me a hand with these?”

Julia dismissively waved her hand. The bitch. “That’s what I pay you for. Leave him, he can do it himself.”

But. I couldn’t. I felt like he could ask anything of me and I would do it. I had to do it.

I scooped up a bag from him. I felt the pleasure of obedience filling my whole body.

“O-oh, thanks!” His smile beamed into me and it was like he was the only thing I could see.

Julia looked between myself and him. A lightbulb went off in her head.

“Ah… I see. How are you feeling now?” She grabbed her quill ready to take notes.

“I feel great.”

It was the truth. How could I not feel great when he looked at me like that. When he was about to give me another order.

“…Are you two testing potions?” He asked, putting down the bag. He gestured for me to hand mine to him. I eagerly obliged. His fingers brushed against mine as I did so.

“Yes we are.” Julia smiled wickedly. “Oh, what’s that? You want a kiss?”

He choked slightly, trying to play it off as a cough. “W-what? A kiss? What are you- oh no…“

But it was too late. I was already kissing him.

The contact made me drunk. Dizzy. I needed more more more-

My hands found their way to pulling him closer. Deeper.

His squeaks of surprise were delicious. His moans even more so.

“Well, I’ve got all my notes. Come find me when this wears off, okay?”

By the time Julia closed the door behind her I was already on top of him.

[kaivenom]

Cookies with an extra ingredient

Summary: you were cooking some recipe from an old spells book. You went out of the kitchen to get something and when you get in, Sam was eating your creation.

Pairing: Sam Winchester x Witch!reader

Warnings: smut, some sort of sex pollen!AU, protected sex (p in v), masturbation (male to female), Sam being needy

Masterlist

Recently, you obtained a new book of magical recipes, you always liked this book. Currently you were preparing a potion that reveals people's true and most brutal desires, you don't know were you could use it but maybe in some case, it could help. The thing is a potion jar it's easy to identify so you decided to make some changes and make some cookies but there is something missing... chocolate chips.

You went to the pantry to take the missing ingredient and when you get in, you went back to the kitchen only to find Sam... eating the cookies.

"Sam, spit the cookie."

"Why?" he says with a cute smile enjoing the food, if it wasn't for the situation you would kiss him.

"Because they have an especial ingredient...magic." he inmediatly spitted the cookie, but still looked desperate at you.

"I have already eaten three of these! Oh my god, what they do?! I'm starting to feel really hot, maybe i got fever, ufffff..."

He started to walk, going around the kitchen, not letting you answer and suddently he stoped. He was next to you but with his back turned on you and his hand pressed on the counter, his breath was heavy. You started to worry about his health, maybe he had an allergic reaction, the other option his that the cookies made effect and he was starting to have the urge to satisfy his desires... but what he desires?

"Y/N, maybe you need to get out." his breath is heavy, more like a groan.

"No, these are my magical cookies so i am going to help you. This cookies made you reveal your desires, tell me what you want and i will get you that, then the effect will pass."

"That won't happen." he slowly turned around, his eyes shinning with a strange look, more dark than usual. "because i can't have the thing i like."

"Oh, came on, if you want it and you can have it the cookies then will work." he started to get close, his eyes going up and down your body, you started to realize what he wanted.

"I can't because even if i burn in desire, this isn't the right way."

"Sam, this is not going to stop until you get it."

"I want you, for months i wanted you," he couldn't continue talking, he sounds more like an animal in heat than a person.

You can't say that you aren't a little turn on but you can also see the struggle he is passing thru. You look at his lips and put your hand on his cheek while he makes a grunt.

"Just tell me, you want me just physically or emotionally." his eyes lighted up, surprised, looking at your lips.

"Both, since we met, i want to date you and fuck you..." the last word came desperate thru his lips.

At this time you were really wet about the situation, your eyes tricked you and made you look down at his crotch. Seeing that, he covered it shyly. You looked up again and slowly move your lips to his. It lasted only a second and separated yourself.

"If you don't do it then it won't go away, with magic cookies or without them... and you said you wanted to date me so i take your word and i let you do it with that promise, if you are lying i will rip your guts."

You grabbed his chin in a threatening way but he took the chance to put his hand behind your neck and push you together into a sloppy kiss. A full moan exited his lips when he met yours again while his other hand went to squezze your butt.

His strenght forced you to walk back and end up pressed against the wall, Sam's lips attaching now to your neck and making you let out broken moans. Both of his hands now on your butt and his clearly hard on pressing right on your wetness thru the clothes.

"You didn't know how much i wanted to do this, how much i dreamed about this... sorry if i am being to fast but i can't wait more to feel that pussy throbing on my cock while i pound you... i really want you to scream my name."

Your arousal grows really fast thanks to his filthy words, you licked his neck and bite his earlobe in response. You didn't know Sam could be so hot, you dreamed about it but it was nothing compared to reality and he even touched you yet.

His hands traveled to your thights and pushed you up, now having him carrying you to somewhere more private. His lips didn't separate from yours in all the way to his dorm, his pulsing erection against your cunt.

The clothes didn't last long when you entered the bedroom. Rapidly, you were fully naked, just like him. His cook looked like he was about to explode, dripping with precum. Now that your body is fully on his disposal, he attacked your breasts. One on his hand and the other one on his mouth, playing with your nipple. You grabbed his hair automatically from the pleasure.

"Oh god, your tits are perfect, i want to bury my face in them and don't get out ever."

"If after this you still want to be with me, you can do it anytime."

"Fuck, i need to be inside you."

"I don't think i can fit your thing inside without preparation." it's not like he is massive big but he is more than the ussual and preparation is always good.

"Then i will have the pleasure to taste your pussy."

You were a blushing mess, with all the nasty things that Sam is saying to you and the touches, you feel your body on fire and Sam's body being on fire too doesn't help either.

You were pushed roughly onto the bed, your legs pushed apart before he inmediatly pushes his face in between your thights. He started with slow and long kitten licks that sent shivers down your spine. Small circles around your clit made you closer to cimax really fast. You both were really needy, for so long, wanting each other bodies and attention, it feels like every touch could get you two to an orgasm. One finger entering you pussy made you almost jump of the bed with a broken moan. Pumping slowly, getting your juices out and preparing you to the thing coming. Another finger pushed your body to your limit, the knot on your stomach making you almost cum.

"I can't wait any longer, i hope you are prepared and i hope i don't hurt but fuck, i want to make you mine," his body is now on top of you.

"I am already yours."

"Now, i am fucking you because i need it desperetly because of the cookie, but tomorrow i will fuck you becuase i want to hear your moans."

He took out a condom from a drawer and put it on his cock. He started to enter your cunt slowly, all the heat from his member invaded your insides. He let out a broken moan and almost fell with all his weight on your body, his strenght falied from the pleasure as you let out heavy breaths.

"i need a second, too much," he couldn't almost speak.

"I need it too, fuck."

"Oh, don't do that or i am going to cum right now." apparentiy your sounds turn him much and thanks to the cookie, he is having trouble keeping all together.

His cock is pulsing inside you as he starts to move, pressure building inside you and hot electricity travelling thru your spine. The bead was cracking under your bodies with every thrust he made, but the sound of his pelvis claping with yours and Sam's moans are louder. Problably, if Dean cames back from the hunt he will surely hear you two, but you don't care. The only thing you care right now is that Sam is on top of you, pounding your brains out of your body, him moaning on your hear with every thrust.

"It's even better than i imagined, your cunt it's perfect, you are perfect."

His lips attacked yours again, brutally and desperatly, his hands squeezing your breasts and ass. You almost coudln't breath from everything that's happening. Suddently, you felt the urge to take control of the situation and breath. In normal occasions, you wouldn't be able to compete with Sam's strenght but now he is vulnerable. You separated him for a moment putting your arms on his chest, he looks at you like he did something wrong. You balanced yourself to change positions and now you are on top with a grin on your face adn a gutural groan from his part.

"Maybe i can help you from here."

You didn't have an answer from his part, just some cursing and low noises. His chest raised and lowed very fast, this new position is driving him crazy. You start to balance yourself and move slowly due to the new sensations that this pose is giving you. Sam's hands travelled to your ass to help you move, every second faster and rougher. You kissed him and wrapped his hair again, trying to get closer to him, if thats somehow possible. The heat it's unbearable now, trying to get out of your body.

"I'm close..." you managed to say.

"I am too, don't stop."

A couple more thrusts and you couldn't move from the pleasure of your orgasm. You pressed Sam against you while his arms were wrapped around you letting you feel his hot cum filling your cunt, trying to recover your breath. You tried to get up but he didn't let you.

"A little more like this, please."

"I can't deny nothing to you."

A couple of minutes passed and you really needed to go pee or shower but Sam's arms were still around you. That's when you heard a small snoring coming from him, he felt asleep. You took the chance to slowly slide yourself out of his grip and go to the bathroom.

When you came back to the room, you considered getting out but you notice Sam moving on the bed.

"Don't go, sleep with me, tomorrow i will make breakfast and we can talk."

That made you smile and get to the bed again, when you were about to touch his cheek and answer him, he was already asleep again. Note taken, you will not make magic cookies again but needy sex with Sam is the best.

[ganondoodle]

okay i typed this in a reply but i need to say this more detailed here too, the way totk dealt with horses (and stables) is bad and worse than botw imo (yes i can rant about that too, these weird choices are in every little spot in totk, its almost impressive)

in a game that lets you build cars and stupid flying maschines, towers that shoot you into the stratosphere AND teleporting points all over the place, the chance is already low that you use a horse- though i would be one of them bc i love horses and hate building and didnt find it fun at all-

(also i almost never used any parts i had with me bc you cant put them back and your dumb vehicles despawn as soon as you dont look at them- also a negative thing about that system that reinforces the feeling of actually using it being more punishing than rewarding with the added bonus of the good ol saving your health potions forever problem)

-and something i DID like was that you can have more horses and the ... one.. new color (the lil spots but only AFTER you do that one quest in the spy post)

the stable points seemed like a neat idea, but like so many things, are utterly cheatable, imo the system should have only given you a point when you visit a new stable, so you actually have to go around and visit them all

(also .. add new stables, like mini ones or sth that dont offer beds- you dont need that anyway- so you have more places in which you can get them ... why did they remove some of them anyway, shouldn there be MORE now that the land is supposedly healing/being repaired? especially the one next to the big canyon, its so empty there it would have the perfect place for sth like a new settlement or a big boss arena but no its more empty than it was before, why?? and then putting yet another repeating annoying quest there in that weirld empty place?? i just dont get it)

letting you farm points by sleeping at a stable or bringing in a horse gives you LESS incentive to actually go around the world bc you can just farm it there

(and if that was done so youd 'discover' the malanya talks to you in your sleep 'secret' ... that is literally told to you, and if its bc you dont want to force players to go around and find every stable to get all those rewards ... why do you have 140 or whatver caves then with the majority of them being the literal same thing over and over ... to make people actually use the sleeping thing there? .. why, who uses that anyway, and farming points by sleeping there .. what the hell does that add? AND THEN the stupid sleep over tickets, probably the most nothign reward ever, dont count?? i dont think i ever used one- it just all doesnt make any sense, everything plays against each other)

the upgrading system for your horse is .. once again, a neat idea horribly executed, you have to go find malanya to upgrade them, and similarly stupidly like the fairies, they only tell you what food you need for what upgrade when you are there .. or when you are sleeping in the special tm bed at a stable, randomly, one food, bc the quantity changes too

which is just so ??????????? let me go and do a quest that rewards you with a lil booklet in which you can look up what an upgrade costs, or let the stables have that, either as a list or in the menu when selecting a horse or something?? (also why the hell is malanya in a different spot anyway, like, it feels like a modder just plopped them over there, their og spot is just empty now - except for yet again a stupid filler quest for .. another big horse and a yaaaaaaaaays crystal shrine quest- ... the spot is even still called spring of the horse god .... its so stupid, just like the fairy shuffling around, like you really couldnt think of a better way to reuse that concept other than to ... move it to a different spot in the same map and map level???? and not change anything in their og spot except idk, put a hole in the map ... for one of them like .. its like they moved them around last minute just to have the semblance of things being 'changed' with no regard what makes a change actually feel like one and what just feels like, pick up thing, click on random spot on map, drop thing- its like that for the fairies and shrines too, its so dumb and .. feels disrepectful to botw and how much thought seemed to have went into these spots that were clearly built about those things)

and like it couldnt get WORSE, they cut off the paths that horses follow automatically with one of those miasma buttholes (sorry its just a hole cut into the map, it doesnt even look like miasma burst through, it just .. cut out) a monster camp (that RESPAWNS, i thought those camps you clear with a quest would stay clear, but that would make sense, so of course it respawns and you can do the frame rate killer quest over and over yippieee) or otherwise like, with a big rock or a broken bridge-

and there is NO WAY to create a new path or fix or move anything in a game ABOUT BUILDING supposedly, like you needed more reasons to never use a horse????? i liked jsut hopping on and letting them follow a path and chill looking at the landscape, you cant do this here, and you cant even excuse it with 'its bc of the theme' as in, stuff is destroyed bc calamity 1.5 or whatever bc nothing in the game makes it feel like theres anything actually at stake, but the real crime is to make it not be fixable. WHY??? link moves entire buildings with ease but cant move one freaking rock that fell into a river?????? you swing around logs like a club but cant fix a bridge so your horse can get over it??????????????????????????????

[isa-ghost]

cranboo and phil hcs maybe..........

God where do I start with this. /pos

qPhil headcanons masterlist

I know exactly where. *Slams my fist on the desk.* ENDER KING POSSESSION AND ENDER WALK. Being manipulated by a [perceived?] higher being without their consent and to some degree without their knowledge. Doing things they'd never do in their right minds, hurting people they'd never hurt. Becoming cold and self-centered while controlled. Being terrified of how they can barely if at all control themselves.

Phil misses that kid a lot, actually. He was trying his best, and he can relate to just wanting to settle and belong somewhere while trying to put personal demons to rest or at least escape them. He's glad he could pass on some wisdom and give him a sanctuary while he tried to heal and move on.

He wishes he could've taught Ranboo how to not feel so guilty about things. And to have less shame. He started, but feels like he didn't make a lot of progress.

He hopes he'll cross paths with Ranboo again some day. He'd love to see how his Ender abilities have developed, how he's changed and matured, and same with Michael if he has the kid with him. Sometimes it makes him too aware of his immortality, but he does enjoy seeing how people he knew years ago have grown.

He had mixed feelings about Michael_Beloved. He certainly wasn't gonna hurt him whatsoever though, that's for sure. He enjoyed watching Techno's reactions to the kid.

He can't lie to himself, he was honestly kinda looking for some of the same weird quirks popping up while Ender King was possessing him as the ones he knew Ranboo was developing. He's SO grateful he didn't develop the weakness to water (*laughs in amfmn*)

To this day he wonders what Ranboo was doing with those water bottles he asked him to get. He's a bit concerned, but it's none of his business. 🤷🏼‍♂️

I'm not sure what they would've bonded over, if anything, pre-Syndicate, but they Were neighbors in New L'Manberg for a while. Phil really did enjoy it, he just had no interest in the government part. Living in NL was temporary while he got his bearings in this new realm (and recovered from the fresh trauma).

Consider it because he's a people pleaser if you want, but Ranboo was always really good at helping tend to Phil's fucked up wings. And as rich as he was, he always seemed to have health potions or a gapple or something on hand for Phil to have if he was having a bad pain day. That kindness has never left Phil's mind, and sometimes Quesadilla Island residents reminded him of it.

CURSE THOSE DAMN 2X1 RANBOO MINES THAT WENT ON FOREVER, HE STILL DREADS SEEING TUNNELS LIKE THAT TO THIS DAY.

He would've fucking loved to watch Ranboo fruit it up on Quesadilla Island. Sometimes he imagines how he'd react to seeing Phil fruiting it up and it makes him laugh. Tbf on Ranboo's part, to him Phil would've gone from "I have a wife who's a goddess and I don't need anyone else" to "This is my wife, my husband, my fuckbuddy, his boyfriend, my other fuckbuddy–"

Consider: Because Ranboo ended up in the Nether with Michael, Blaze Empress eventually tells Phil she's located them. It may not be HER Nether, but after QI, her and Rose are kinda like "fuck it, we ball" now. Especially because they wanna make sure Ender King isn't being a bitch in some other realm. They'll beat his ass together in every universe. Anyway: Phil hears she's found Ran and they become pen pals via Blaze.

I think Phil being possessed by Ender King with Ranboo's filthy rich ass in walking distance of his house would've been really fucking funny.

The two of them were so shit at referring to themselves as their Syndicate code names. And because of the way things played out, they never had the time to get used to using them at all. To this day they hear those names and just start laughing like idiots.

Tbh if they were to cross paths again now, Phil would be way more likely to be a "bad" influence on Ranboo. Fuck it we Bolas. (I am eating the concept of Ranboo picking up on Phil seeming,, wilder than the last time they met).

[rhapsoddity]

I read a writing prompt the other day where the hero got seriously injured and they showed up on their enemies door step saying they didn't know where else to go.

The first thing I thought of was Jimmy and Fwhip in your vigilante au

JUST YOUR LUCK I'VE WRITTEN A FWHIMMY DRABBLE FOR THIS

Today was a lazy evening for Fwhip. Even villains needed days off, and he was no exception. As the sun dipped behind the tops of the building, Fhwip sunk into his sofa, mindlessly watching trash TV.

His attention was snapped away by a light rap against his door. He wasn't expecting any visitors or any packages. Grumbling, he pushed himself to his feet.

"You better have a good reason to pull me from my sh-"

Fwhip cut himself off at the sight in front of him. Jimmy, still in full Sheriff costume, was slumped against the doorframe, pale as a sheet. He barely looked like he could hold himself upright.

"Jimmy?! Why are you-"

"I... I didn't know wh-where else to go..."

The vigilante crumpled in front of him, Fhwip barely catching him before he hit the ground. Fwhip dragged him inside, laying him down on the couch so he could close the door.

"M'sorry..." Jimmy mumbled.

"It's okay-"

"No; You hate m-me, I don't know why I even came- why I'm here."

"Shut up," Fwhip grumbled, "You betrayed me, but I don't want you dead. What's wrong with you anyway?"

"God," Jimmy weakly chuckled, "Where do I start-"

Fwhip kicked him in the shins, not in the mood tonight to deal with Jimmy's joking about.

"OW, THE FUCK?"

"Come on, no bullshit, what drove you here?"

"I was fighting a dickhead with some sort of gas powers, I managed to knock her out and restrain her, but I was using my bandana as a filter and it's not ideal."

Fwhip peeled Jimmy's mask off. It was drenched in sweat, his eyes bloodshot with a dark haze over them, and he was wheezing. Fucking hell, he clearly had multiple affects on him. Weakness and wither perhaps? Fhwip wasn't particularly familiar, his expertise was with technology, not potion effects.

"Well I respect any woman that can kick your ass, she's fucked you up."

"Fuck you dude, if you're gonna be a dick I'll leave."

As Jimmy went to get up, Fwhip held him down. With how weak Jimmy had become, he couldn't fight Fwhip's push.

"I'm a villain not a monster. You can recover, then you can fuck off."

Jimmy rolled his eyes at that, shrugging off Fwhip's hand, and looking over to gauge his chances of getting to the door.

"I'd rather my chances of collapsing in an alleyway-"

Fwhip roughly grabbed Jimmy's face, jerking it to look at him. He whimpered in suprise.

"Ah ah ah~ You are at MY mercy little hero. I could take you out of commission right now if I so wish."

Jimmy winced at the dark tone lacing Fwhip's words, straining against his grasp.

"So behave." He dropped his hand from Jimmy's face. "I don't want you trying to scramble up and away, you'll fall over and you barely have braincells as it is, you can't risk losing any more."

"H-hey!"

"I'm not wrong."

Fwhip left him unattended as he said this, dissapearing out of view to his kitchen. Jimmy didn't dare move from the couch. He knew that Fwhip could take him on 1 on 1 at full health, it'd be safest and smartest to just stay put for now. A few minutes later Fwhip came back with a coffee mug full of a purple liquid.

Jimmy was looking worse by this point, barely concious and slumped on the couch.

"Mnnn not drinking thattt..." He mumbled.

Fwhip rolled his eyes.

"It's not poison dumbass."

Fwhip gently tilted the potion into Jimmy's mouth. He pulled a face at the taste, before settling down. Before too long, Jimmy had passed out. He had not much energy to begin with, and that regren potion snatched away the rest of his energy to begin to heal him.

Now that Jimmy couldn't catch the look, Fwhip was looking over him fondly. Despite the fact that Jimmy's ideals were directly opposed to his, despite the fights they had and blood they'd drawn from eachother... He couldn't deny deep down he missed Jimmy.

Once apon a time, they'd been best friends. Hell, for a little while, they'd been more than that, before they'd fucked that up. Jimmy was inherently likeable, it was a shame he didn't join him when Fwhip had defected to villainy.

Maybe he would come round and see Fwhip's perspective one day. The man could hope at least.

[endrinstone]

Would you like to watch the Showtime SMP?

[ID: The Showtime SMP logo. It features the name spelled out in a shiny blocky font, coloured gold and purple. End ID.]

[Last updated: 13. 7. 2024 (kinda)]

What is the Showtime SMP, anyway? 

It's an ongoing (mostly) vanilla SMP with a focus on storytelling, started by Zolister on June 9th 2023. It's filled with serious (and often quite dark) plot lines, but still features a good deal of improv and goofing around. Vibes wise, it's somewhere between Kaboodle SMP, Lifesteal and DSMP.

It doesn't have a "gimmick", but over time it developed worldbuilding involving gods, multiversal travel, intertwining with the 4th wall, and "The Narrative".

It's loosely a second season of the Sussy SMP (silly name, but a good server). Although some members incorporate it into their character's backstory, you don't have to watch the previous SMP in order understand the current story.

How do I watch it?

The story is told through livestreams, there are only a couple of videos. (There are also some in-character social media accounts, those are fun.)  To get into the lore, I highly recommend this spreadsheet by @/enderteegs!!!! If you’d like to start with only one pov, in my opinion the best pick is kantje, or alternatively ViolettaFire, BobaBear, or Zolister. Other resources:

Masterlist document by @/enderteegs, all the links you could ever need.

Vod archive spreadsheet by @/meep_linger and co, an archive of all preserved vods.

Official twitter account, useful for updates, follows the current members.

The wiki, a wip, but helpful (I hope).

Lore summary document by @/STFanLoreDocon, a wip, but helpful.

Content warnings

I can’t guarantee this is comprehensive. I do warn that the heavy themes are occasionally handled somewhat clumsily in my opinion, mostly in the early days of the server: 

Abuse, addiction, cannibalism, child endangerment, grief, horror themes, manipulation, mental health issues, suicide, unreality, violence, vomit.

Members:

THIS PART IS OUT OF DATE ;-; It's missing some people, and some of these character descriptions aren't up to my standards anymore. I might go through and update this one day, but I recommend checking out some of the other resources I linked.

This isn’t everyone who’s ever been on the server (that’s 50+ people). A few of the people listed here are no longer active. Additionally, some don't stream their povs, prefering to appear in others' streams.

BobaBear: An interstellar traveler who experienced eons during her explorations. Despite everything that happens, they remain kindhearted, and always willing to give a helping hand. (twitch, vods)

ClaryeOryx: He’s a nice, fairly normal person who stays more at the sidelines. Still sometimes gets dragged into people’s conflicts. (twitter, not a streamer) 

ComplexlyRoss: A mischief maker who operates under cartoon character logic. They have a fondness for pranks, and a disdain for wearing armour. Joined August 2023. (streams on yt, video)

CrimsonBtw: Arrived to the server traumatised after having just experienced a world getting destroyed (the Lifesteal wormhole event, but don't worry if you haven't watched that). Joined August 2023. (twitch, vods, yt)

Crumpets: Cynical, deadpan bar owner. He isn’t too fond of this strange world he was sent to, but he is fond of the money that he can make here. Joined December 2023. (twitch)

Cupid Goozeless: Star has a lot of responsibility on star’s shoulders: he’s a leader, a medic and a father. He worries over others, and if he’s doing a good enough job protecting them. (twitch, yt)

Div_y: Uncovers a recipe for memory-erasing potions. He makes them for those who share his struggle with nightmares and trauma, but not everyone has as good of intentions as he does. Joined July 2023. (yt, 2nd yt, videos: 1, 2)

Effy: A magical creation of wood and wire, they’re one of the wittiest members without even needing to speak. While they may hide behind quips and confidence, they care a whole lot about their friends. (twitter, not a streamer) 

EvanIsLoco: Scientist studying interdimensional travel. He develops a possesion problem after an accident in an ancient city, leading to newfound aggression. (twitch)

Geoful: Shapeshifter made out of blue goop. His silliness only makes it hit harder when he drops angst on you. (twitch) 

IDKnows: Made of flowers, and would be more than happy to rip himself appart if it meant making everyone else happy. Sometimes naive, and others take advantage of that. Joined July 2023 (twitch, yt)

its_kantje: He’s god’s favourite plaything, and he will stop at nothing to get his beloved daughter back from Him. Starts out with a reputation for great business skills, and a knack for conflict resolution. (twitch, vods,  yt. I especially reccomend the ‘Split Apart’ streams)

ItsLilKae: The organiser of the server’s elections. But don’t let her fool you: she isn’t a spearhead of democracy, but a conspirator plotting to achieve absolute power. (twitch, yt)

ivorycello: Ruthless murderer of murderers. With her, the road to tyranny is paved with good intentions, and with pink flowers. (streams on yt, videos 1, 2, playlist)

Merffin: Loose cannon who’ll kill at the slightest provocation. A leader of the Silencers, a group who’ll murder anyone that has the silence trim. (yt, twitch) 

Mika FLapp0: After a long time of watching without being able to properly interact with the world, they gained a corporal form via a failed devil summoning. Joined December 2023. (twitter)

Mugm: Aloof and angry. The only thing that will get him to throw hands quicker than hurting his pride is hurting his family. (yt, twitch)

PheeaBea: Headstrong ex-prisoner who doesn’t like rules getting in the way of their curiosity. Has the the abilities and limitations of fae. Joined December 2023. (twitch, yt) 

Porgie: Lived through an apocalyptic alternate timeline. This led to a desperation to prevent disaster, and to somehow try and deal with the pain and scars of the past. (twitch, yt)

Quakitus: Has been through horrible things, and in turn has done horrible things, notably cannibalism. Healing is a rough journey for her. (twitch, vods, yt)

Rasplin: Loves a good fight, and loves having high status items. He's quite intimidating, but even he isn't completely heartless. (streams on yt, videos: 1, 2)

rinthehecker: Despite her loyalty, trusting others is hard for her, considering all the betrayal she faced, and her mysterious sleepwalking problem. As a dragon, they sometimes find themself homesick for the End. (twitch, yt) 

Rylanets: Has green hair, fairy wings, and flighting skills. Not much of a leader, but he’s always a steadfast teammate. (twitch)

Saturn_720: Still figuring out his place in this world. It’s a difficult task, but running a restaurant and caring for a niece makes it more fun. Joined December 2023. (twitch, yt) 

Silvaasaur: Mugm’s brother, known as the kinder, more emotional one of the two. He’s still just as deadly with a sword. (twitch, yt)

StarbornNebula: Grief sparked a burning desire for vengeance in her. She’ll be satisfied with nothing less than seeing the murderer of her friend die by her hands— but revenge is rarely as sweet as one would hope. (twitch, yt, video)

Strobelati: A cheery cloud person who’d never hurt anyone— at first. She feels emotions very strongly, whether it’s love, despair, or rage. (twitch, yt, video, vods)

TrashyPandius: The local assassin for hire, who happens to be a raccoon. He carries out his hits with an edgy but nonchalant attitude; murder is just business to him, no hard feelings. (twitch)

ViolettaFire: The server's therapist who could really use some therapy himself after everything he's been through. Xe's a pacifist, but don't mistake xyr kindness for weakness. (twitch, yt)

Winsweep: He’s sick of all the egotistical fools around him, and he doesn’t take issue with spilling blood for the sake of solving that. But is this truly him, or is it his mask that’s doing the talking? (twitch, yt)

Xpyz: A set of three semi-immortal beings: the first is gentle, anxious, and just wants her mom back, the second revels in others’ pain, and the third remains a mystery. (twitch, vods)

Zolister: Willing to play the role of a hero or a villain, depending on what he thinks will benefit the community. Solves issues with violence, and by sacrificing their own happiness. (streams on twitch and yt, vods, videos: 1, 2)

ZombieDwarf: There’s two of him: one is a robot who wants to see chaos in the world, and the other is said robot’s creator. Both cannot co-exist in the same place, so they have to decide which one of them will stay. (twitch, vods, yt, video)

[polyhexian]

Okay, this one is stupid and ridiculous, but it's been in my head, so bear with me.

So like. Darius always assumes Jasper must've been pregnant, because Jasper has unfortunate phrasing and Darius knows Jasper would've been powerful enough to hide it. But other people may not come to that conclusion, because when it comes to Hunter's two presumed biological parents, one of them is an intensely physically active soldier, and the other one wears big flowy robes that obscure his figure and tends to sit around on a throne all day.

So imagine instead of grabbing Hunter and running, Jasper gets Darius involved, and after explaining the situation they take a day or two to come up with a plan. Hunter gets picked, two men and a baby disappear into the night, and now they're out of the way for the crack I'm about to unleash on the castle.

SOMEONE (political intern Kikimora?) overheard a bit of Jasper's explanation to Darius. Not all of it, but enough to get the idea that Jasper and Belos have had a child together. Then Jasper suddenly disappears, and there's no sign of the child either. Our eavesdropper realizes this is VERY RELEVANT INFORMATION, and thus sells it to the higher-up of their choice, AND THUS THE CASTLE GOSSIP MILL BEGINS TO CHURN.

Belos is nursing a headache because he just lost TWO Grimwalkers, god, when Lilith bursts into the throne room like MY LORD! WHEN JASPER BETRAYED US YOU DIDN'T MENTION HE STOLE YOUR SON AS WELL! is it a secret I can keep a secret I can be your confidant I swear--

Belos is just like. I'm sorry, what? He's not computing that Hunter = Jasper's son or that Hunter could = his own son, he doesn't see the Grimwalkers as people so it just doesn't click in his brain. He has no idea what she's talking about.

Lilith is like WE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU WERE PREGNANT AND NOW WE'VE ALREADY LOST OUR PRINCE, THIS IS HORRIBLE, I didn't even know you were preparing an heir to the empire but it makes perfect sense, excellent idea sire.

Belos is just. What?

Meanwhile Hettie Cutburn is LIVID. The Emperor was PREGNANT?? And she DIDN'T KNOW?? The Emperor sometimes insisted on handling his own health affairs and she respected his privacy but THIS IS KIND OF A BIG DEAL. WHO was the healer who oversaw the Emperor's pregnancy and ARE THEY A POLITICAL RIVAL?? They're in her coven, aren't they? There's someone in her coven that the Emperor trusted more than her and when she FINDS that midwife she is going to DESTROY them. She's interrogating her coven officials left and right. Scalpels and accusations are flying. Someone points out maybe it was someone in the Emperor's Coven with healing abilities and Hettie starts thinking through the options and the other ways someone might manage a pregnancy, who else might have information, wait a second, pre-natal potions are very important, WAS IT YOU VITIMIR??

Vitimir is rightfully terrified and immediately throws Terra under the bus. HEY HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT HOW TERRA IS ALWAYS OFFERING THE EMPEROR VARIOUS TEAS?? MAYBE TERRA KNOWS SOMETHING PLEASE GET THAT SCALPEL AWAY FROM ME.

Terra and Hettie have a massive fight that ends with the entire healing wing covered in vines. Mason is yelling about structural damage (and also wondering why no one asked him to design a royal nursery).

Belos's headache is getting worse. The entire castle now 1) Knows that Jasper is gone, 2) Knows that Hunter exists and is also gone, 3) Thinks that Belos and Jasper were a thing (what), 4) Thinks that Belos was pregnant (WHAT), and 5) Thinks that Hunter is actually important to the empire and must be recovered at any cost instead of being, y'know, a useless waste of resources that was harvested too early and needs to be disposed of.

And he can't really come clean about none of this being true or about Hunter being a Grimwalker or anything, that's not something he can admit to, and like, it'd take a massive PR campaign to get his government officials to change their minds about this narrative, AND THE PR DEPARTMENT IS ALREADY DRAFTING UP PROPAGANDA ABOUT WILD WITCHES STEALING THEIR BABY PRINCE.

Belos doesn't understand why this is his life now. He's a good person. He's doing the Lord's will. He doesn't deserve this nonsense.

And if he thinks well, at least he can order a concentrated campaign to capture his wayward Grimwalkers…no, it won't work. Because he's spent decades building up a government that purposefully rewards backstabbing. It is easier to advance in the empire by tripping your enemies than it is by actually doing good work yourself. In Runaway, the only person who knows the full story is Will, everyone else is working off of various levels of need-to-know info about catching Jasper and Hunter. In this universe, every government official is aware of the situation, and every single one of them want to get the glory of rescuing their kidnapped prince while foiling their political rivals in doing the same. False intel is spread, scouts are bribed to fumble missions, Coven Heads get into arguments about whose underlings have jurisdiction where. The entire government just becomes useless because everyone is trying to one-up and backstab everyone else.

The whole kidnapped prince thing gets out to the general public and Odalia Blight is OUTRAGED that there WASN'T AN IMPERIAL BABY SHOWER FOR HER TO BE INVITED TO. What is the POINT of having a BABY if you aren't going to have a big baby shower to wine and dine at?? Also now she has to hurry and catch up on the plotting she didn't know she was behind on, there is apparently a PRINCE out there somewhere, and sure he's missing right now but eventually he won't be and do you know what princes need? ARRANGED MARRIAGES. And she has two adorable little prospects right here! She needs to figure out how to pitch this to the Emperor.

Belos is wondering if there's any way to make an eclipse happen sooner so he can just kill everyone already. Caleb Wittebane's hallucination ghost won't stop laughing at him like OH MY GOD ASSHOLE YOU MADE THE MOST INEFFICIENT GOVERNMENT SYSTEM EVER AND IT'S BITING YOU IN THE ASS.

Meanwhile Jasper and Darius are like. Hiding out at the Owl House watching this play out while eating popcorn and changing diapers. Eda thinks this is incredible and is happy to shelter them in exchange for all this free entertainment.

Raising Hunter is kinda tricky since everyone is trying to "rescue" him but every time Lilith shows up like SISTER I'M HERE TO RESCUE MY PRINCE AND MAKE YOU JOIN A COVEN you can bet at least one other Coven Head will also show up to sabotage her and Darius just sighs and tells Hunter "Looks like we can't play outside today" while Jasper takes potshots with his staff like "WOULD YOU PEOPLE GET OFF OUR LAWN?"

Maybe they stay with Eda forever, maybe they move into a cave like in eventually, idk. Darius and Jasper probably have concealment stones for bounty hunting, and they forage for potions ingredients that Eda sells for them, and Hunter grows up well aware that if anyone ever tells them they're trying to rescue him he needs to scram immediately.

When Luz finally shows up, she ends up spending a solid day and a half believing that her MAGICAL DESTINY is to restore Hunter to the throne so he can overthrow his evil father and bring balance to the Boiling Isles or something.

Like she slams the door open holding a propaganda poster she found in town and yells "HUNTER I THINK YOU'RE THE LOST PRINCE OF THE BOILING ISLES!"

And Hunter is just reading on Eda's couch like "That's a load of bullshit, Luz."

"No, LOOK!" she says, shoving the poster into his face. "It looks just like YOU! Could this be part of your mysterious backstory?!"

"My backstory is not mysterious."

"But you haven't told me anything about it!"

"You haven't asked."

"Because you're just a normal nerdy teenager! EXCEPT IT TURNS OUT YOU'RE A PRINCE!"

"Luz the entire Lost Prince narrative is the result of a stupid misunderstanding, I wasn't meant to be an heir and if I ever do get dragged back to the castle Belos will probably poison me within a week."

"Of course! He couldn't raise you as a dutiful brainwashed son, so now you're a rival! Raised by the lover who betrayed him…"

"Oh my Titan no, they weren't lovers, my dad grew me in a planter box like a carrot."

"Hunter, we need to reclaim your throne from your evil father!"

"If you ever call Belos my father again I will punch you."

Luz goes to Hexside and she's like "Hunter why don't YOU go to magic school??" and Hunter just gestures out the window where Hooty is trying to eat Adrian Vernworth and a dozen scouts like "This is why I'm homeschooled."

At some point when the Hexsquad come over Hunter meets Amity and she eyes him for a minute before she's like "Y'know one of my siblings has a marriage contract with you" and Hunter is like "ugh" and Darius yells from the kitchen "HE BETROTHED MY SON TO A BLIGHT???" and Luz is like "huh which one?" and Amity's like "the name isn't official, Mom and the emperor decided they could just wait and see which twin Prince Hunter prefers" and Hunter is just like "DON'T CALL ME THAT."

…It is entirely possible that Darius still calls Hunter "little prince" and in this AU it actually is a term of endearment even tho Hunter and Jasper give him tired deathglares every time.

Jruejdjfj little prince as a teasing little term of endearment, like when my dad would call me monkey butt...

THIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNYYYYYY OH MY GOOOODDDDD

Hunter just chilling with hooty and the owl lady and his cool dads. And then there's Belos who's have the funniest problem imaginable. And jasper DOES still think that even if Belos is a child murdering fuck he probably also IS doing it all for the greater good of keeping the Titan from dying. So like. He's not going to actively attempt to overthrow him if he doesn't have to. And Belos probably knows that fighting jasper is probably not worth it if he isn't going to cause problems. Like if jasper is keeping all his insane secrets and terrible power to himself then it probably just ISNT worth it to make a huge effort to stop it-- especially when he already knows at some point in the future the owl lady will have a niece who will go into the past and meet him. And maybe that niece is Lilith's but shit, maybe it's Jasper's...? What if he has another kid? So he's a little hesitant to pull the big trigger. so they're just in this... Extremely stupid fucking stalemate.

The poor fucking twins oh my GOD

[stitchthesewords]

hello

Or grian coming back from dl and he needs not only a cane but hes suffering from a bad-but-temporary case of tinnitus and cant get out of bed and no one sees him for a few days until scar comes over to talk bc holy shit dl and finds Grian in need of help

EXPAND UPON THIS. I AM INTRIGUED. if u want no pressure <3

-catmaidetho

WHEEZING WHATS SO FUNNY IS THAT I HAVE BEEN. STARING AT A WORD DOC ALL DAY TRYING TO <- Girl who is so dead from her job

To start w what the delightful @hitheeprithee said to me earlier that made me. Absolutely fucking insane. But Scar gifting one of his canes to Grian in the post-DL return to HC because he's having trouble with both just walking bc of the aches in his body and the dizzyness caused by the disorientation of being shouted apart. And grian tries, really, to be appreciative, but scar's cane doesnt sit at the right height and he's awkward with it so he just stays in bed and then a few days later Scar sheepishly shows up with a custom made cane for Grian that's the right height and has feathers carved into it and just. hhhh.

But its like. Grian having to learn to rely on others. And I mean this in like the. I am physically disabled and im still learinng. You are always learning how to do this. Every day is a new day for failures and learning in this task. And its grian who doesnt want to get out of bed, who's never felt his body be in such constant misery, not even after third life or last life. He went out - bad. I don't have the brain power to elaborate rn maybe I'll reblog this tomorrow but tldr: I headcanon that the deaths in the life series and way different to deaths on hermitcraft. They're permanently debilitating in some way, but the players keep coming back because they learn to cope, they hold tight to the love for each other that radiates through every time they go through it - anyway. This warden death hurts - and Scar is feeling it too, but not as bad, not as Severely, and furthermore he has coping skills in place already for chronic pains and aches and fatigue. Grian doesn't.

It's Scar showing up and adjusting Grian's pillows to help him sit up, nursing him to health with some food and water, an ice pack, a heating pad, some potions from Cub to help with the pains, to help manage. Its Scar teaching Grian to use a cane, to trust his weight to this inanimate object, to learn to use it as an extension of himself. Helping him learn the walking pattern. It's Scar opening up the bedroom window or whatever the fuck the equivalent is in Grian's base to help get some white noise and teaching Grian to focus on it to make the worst of the ringing go away, to massage the muscles in his head to help with the headaches and migraines.

Scar teaching Grian how to pull his weight up with other people, how to get up from the floor with his back hurts so much he can barely move, to shuffle around the room a little bit just to get the blood flowing in his legs.

And then its like. It's Grian leaning his head against Scar's chest and crying from frustration because his body wont cooperate and he's never had to deal with it before and he doesn't know how. And grian apologizing because he's just complaining about things scar lives with always. And Scar soothing Grian's worries and anxieties becaue he knows why grian's frustrated and its not guaranteed to help but by god he'll try, he'll try so hard to give grian the world back if he can.

god I wish i could elaborate more but. I am sleepy.

[roxyteecd]

A DREAM CUM TRUE?

I dream about a potion found on a remote island. The old lady in the dilapidated shop tells me “it can make your greatest dream come true.”

I walk back to my bungalow. Thinking about riches, fame and eternal health as I ponder what my greatest dream would be. I quickly change out of my pants and shirt and put on my sexy pink babydoll nightie along with my white stockings. I take a long look at the small bottle. I reach over to the nightstand and grab it up and turn it up. It was sweet tasting, unlike what I was expecting. I sit the bottle back on the nightstand and open up Tumblr.

I scroll through all the sissy blogs I follow and all of the wonderful and sexy sissy and pregnancy blogs and pictures. Just longing and wondering what it would be like to be an actual woman. To feel a baby rolling around inside me. What that must feel like to have life growing inside me. I’m starting to feel so sleepy. I close my phone and lay it on the nightstand and think about how when I wake I will probably be rich or famous or both. Sleep finally takes me.

The next thing I remember is feeling the urgent need to pee. I throw the covers off and move to get up. Then there is a sudden realization that something is different. VERY DIFFERENT! I feel a heavy weight moving on my chest and a huge belly that is keeping me from just sitting straight up as I have always done. In an almost shock state I look down. I am still in my babydoll nightie but now there are two huge breasts above an equally huge bulge in my belly.

I can’t believe what my eyes are seeing. So I touch my breasts first. I feel the touch as I see my fingers touch the large globes on my chest. This can’t be real I gasp. Suddenly I feel the need to pee increase exponentially. As I look at my belly I see lumps that move from here to there. Each movement causing the pain in my bladder to worsen.

I roll on my side and swing my stocking clad legs over the edge of the bed. It’s such a struggle to get up. I finally get on my feet and head towards the bathroom. More of a waddle than walking. I get to the toilet and turn to sit as all sissies do. When I pulled my panties down I felt a stickiness in my panties but not the familiar dangle of my man bits. I reach under my belly and find the area where my cock and balls should be, only to find it smooth and flat. My finger touches a bump protruding between two very wet labia! I immediately sit before I pass out.

The need to relieve my bladder immediately takes first priority. I begin to release the urine and feel the relief. At the same time it feels so weird. The spray as the pee passes between MY LABIA!! I put my head in my hands trying to figure out what happened to me. I was in shock but also intrigued. I had often times dreamed of this. But it was all fantasy right!? Just thoughts in my head. But right now it was a reality. I was a woman! Not just a woman but a pregnant woman!

How did this happen? I think back to the potion I had bought from the old lady the day before. That had to be it! But why did I turn me into a pregnant woman?! I was thinking of riches and fame, not being a pregnant woman. The stream ends and knowing what to do grabbed some toilet paper and wiped MY PUSSY! God this is unreal. Feeling the bulge in my belly compress when I tried to reach my wet lips. As I was dabbing and drying myself, I began wondering how did I get this way?!

Then suddenly a door opens and in walks a very tanned and ripped naked man. I instinctively tried to cover up myself. As he walked into the bathroom I notice his rather impressive cock laying across two enormous balls. They were swaying from thigh to thigh as he walked up to me and bent down to kiss me. I was in shock still as his lips met mine. He immediately stuck his tongue between my lips. I opened and allowed him to kiss me. Suddenly I felt a stirring in between my legs. My recently dried pussy was now feeling wet and slick. He pulled back and stood up with his cock right in my face. I looked at how beautiful it is. WHAT?! I just thought another man’s penis was BEAUTIFUL! He moved it closer to my face. My mouth opened before I even had time to think about it. I took his cock into my mouth. WHAT AM I DOING?! I feel it thicken and begin to lengthen. For some reason it feels NATURAL to do this for him.

There is a warm fuzzy feeling in my chest. My heart begins to race even faster than was before. There is a longing in me to give him pleasure. I reach up and cup his balls as I begin to give him a blow job. In my mind I’m thinking WHAT AM I DOING!? But my body feels hot all over. There’s a twitching, an itch in my crotch that is almost burning. His cock begins reaching the back of my throat.

He then takes his hand and pushes me deeper on him and moans out, “OH BABY! Damn you are so good at this! I’m am the luckiest man on earth!” For some reason this gives me s sense of pride and a desire to take him all the way in. I relax my throat and fight the gag reflex and his cock extends into my throat. He pushes the back of my head imbedding himself completely in my throat.

OH MY GOD!!! Yes Babe! That’s so good! He pulls out to let me breathe. Then plunges back in again all the way to his crotch. I taste his manly meat and pre cum on my tongue. He gets so thick I have to almost open my mouth to it maximum. I am now struggling to take him. He’s stretching my throat now as his head pops in and out of my throat.

He pulls out and says, I have to have you now. He grabs my hand and pulls me up off the toilet. I look up into his handsome face and look up into his eyes. I realize he is a lot taller than me. I see a familiar look in his eyes. He spins me around in front of the vanity. I am now face to face with a gorgeous blond in a pink babydoll. MY BABYDOLL. My huge tits are about to burst out of the top. I can see very large nipples and huge dark brown areoles.

As I’m still trying to process that I’m looking at what appears to be my own reflection but it’s not me! At least not the male me that I feel I should be seeing instead of this beautiful blonde buxom woman bent over the vanity. A very tall and handsome man right behind me. He tells me how beautiful and sexy I am as he lays on my back and reaches inside the cups of my babydoll and pinches and pulls my very long and hard nipples. Fuck!! The sensations go straight to my pussy.

He kisses the back of my neck and then shoulder blades. I feel my pussy pulse and twitch. This feels so natural but yet my mind is still telling me I’m a man. Then I feel IT!! The tip of his cock glides between my lips. He moans and says, “damn you are so wet this morning! Did you dream about me last night?” And then winks at me through the mirror. I see his hands run down over my belly. MY BELLY!! It’s so unreal but feels so good that I can’t help but moan out seeing his hands and feeling his cock sliding through my pussy lips.

Then he suddenly catches his cock head in the opening of my VAGINA. I still can’t believe I now have a very sensitive, hot, wet VAGINA! I should have a very hard throbbing cock!

I am brought back to the moment when I felt my pussy being stretched open. His cock head breached the inner ring of my pussy. OMG! My vision got fuzzy and I dropped my head and closed my eyes. His girth was stretching my pussy to it’s limit. There was a bit of pain but it was a VERY pleasurable pain. I felt him opening up my insides. I began to feel a surge of stretching, tingling euphoric sensations emanating from deep inside focusing on my clit and pussy. Before I knew what was happening an orgasm ripped through me like a tidal wave. I heard screaming then I was shaking as my legs began to give out. I looked back up through my hair over my face and watched the look on his face as he smiled down at me. He said I LOVE making you come! Then pulled back a little then plunged back in all the way! OHHHH!!!

I felt the tug/push inside my belly. He must be so big he’s hitting my cervix. I had heard women describe getting fucked so deep that it stretches their vagina and the cock nudges against their cervical opening. That must be what’s happening now. It hurts but in a fantastic full way. Then he begins thrusting. He’s holding my hips and pounding into me.

The sensation from my pussy lips, my clit, my walls and cervix, my whole lower half of my body is suddenly taking over my mind and body. I’m all but laying on my enormous belly as I’m getting fucked for the first time as a woman. I still did not know who he was but that did not matter at the moment because his cock was building me up toward another of those earth shattering orgasms like when he first entered me. I could tell that this one was going to be even bigger than the one before. He was now holding my hips tight and pounding hard. I could see a look of concentration on his face.

He spoke and said, “I’m getting close Babe. I’m going to nut in you so deep. If you weren’t already knocked up with my baby you would be from this one!” Then he drove in deep and held it there. I saw stars, I felt light headed, then my body locked up and I began twitching and shaking and again I heard s woman screaming, I’M CUMMING!!!” He shouts out “ME TOO!”

I could feel a different “slick” feeling around his cock and could feel a thumping and twitching inside me. I knew he was releasing his cum inside my pussy. He pushed in several more times as though he was making sure I got every drop into my pussy. I was loving the feeling of being fucked and cummed in. I had dreamed of this exact situation while masturbating SO MANY TIMES!

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. For so long I had dreamt of being a woman, getting pregnant and having a handsome hung man fucking me. Was this “my dream” the one the lady had said would happen if I drank the potion. Did I want this more than money? More than fame and eternal health?

Just then he brought me back to the moment when he ran his hands up my sides up to my shoulders and pulled me back to him one more time. I looked at him in the mirror then the glint of gold caught my eyes. A wedding ring on his left hand. I immediately looked down at my own hand and saw a beautiful gold ring with a gorgeous and huge diamond on it. Was he….. my husband? A cheating man fucking his mistress (ME!!!) He then moved back a little and then felt his now semi soft cock slip out of me. Then I could feel what seemed like a river of cum running out of me. My inner thigh became wet and I could feel it running quickly down towards my knee. My God! How much did he cum? How much did I cum?

He turned me around and pulled me to him and kissed me so deep. So passionately I felt butterflies and a sense of love and safety in his arms. My belly kept me from feeling his whole fit body against mine but that made me feel a whole nother surge of love like never I had felt before. I began crying. CRYING!!! I’m a man I don’t cry! But as I thought about it I guess I was no longer a man. I now am a woman. Did I really want this? Could I ever get to go back to being a man if I decided I didn’t like this. My emotions were all up, down this way and that way. I laid my head on his shoulder and just balled. He just held me close rocking me back and forth soothingly telling me over and over he loved me and it was all going to be ok. The safety and security I felt in his arms, and his constant deep voice in my ear settled me down. He pulled back and looked at my tear stained face and smiled.

A DREAM CUM TRUE?

He said to me, “you always get so emotional after sex since I got you pregnant. You are also SO wanting it more since as well. I then realized I was slowly stroking that beautiful piece of man meat between his legs. He was getting another semi from the touch. It was so slick covered in our mutual juices. I pulled my hand back and said, “Oh I’m sorry I didn’t realize!”

He told me it was fine he loved how I wanted it all the time now. “This is my dream come true!! Just as I had always dreamed it would be! My beautiful wife, always horny for my cock. A wife with a big pregnant belly carrying my child! I could not be happier!”

So was I living my dream or was I caught up in his dream? I needed to find the lady I bought the potion from and get some answers!!!

Part 2 ??????

[transbeeduo]

guess who thought of fat Ranboo as they were falling asleep and actually kinda remembers the idea[s]! thats a first!

anyway: I feel like, pre revival, Ran would be very conscious about their weight and body. post revival, they still would, but different aspects; its no longer: "have I trimmed my fur," "should my hair be this long," "am i light enough to teleport and sprint away when i can?"

now, its "is my fur covering my scars yet," "have I actually eaten today," "do these scars look ugly," "does this shirt show the big gash in my chest," etc. they recall hearing somewhere that fur growth speeds up if you eat more, and since they're no longer terrified of having to run at any moment, they start eating more. and gaining more weight. because theyre not eating only a few apples anymore. and who knew they were malnourished? turns out theyre mostly carnivorous. that explains the sharp teeth that never really fit right into the vegetables and fruit, and lack energy, even after consuming cookies.

also feel like they might forget that theyve eaten that day. their memory is worse after revival, so they have issues remembering even some of the most mundane things. like if theyve eaten yet. when they look in the mirror, to their surprise, they don't see a lot of bone anymore, and they instead see fluff, soft rolls, and fat. mostly in their stomach, but their cheeks, arms, legs, etc got a bit as well. to their surprise, they like it!

in a completely different vein of ideas, this one comes from my "Ranboo never actually died, and instead just got really injured because who wouldn't get really injured from a sword to your chest" but maybe thatll get explained more some other day.

anyway, Ranboo gets injured, and Tubbo winds up taking care of them and healing them. Naturally, he starts upping their food intake and potion intake to aide their healing. four apples a day would NOT cut it if you were healing from a wound that bad. so even if he has to mush up food into baby food or blend them into a smoothie, Ranboo is getting more food and calories. thus, weight gain. it makes them healthier. helps them heal faster. im not exactly sure what all goes on, because this au is a wip, but they do gain weight! and in the end, theyre fine with it.

ANON. ANON HOLY SHIT THIS IS LIKE ALMOST EXACTLY HOW I PICTURED IT literally after being revived I imagine Ranboo would be like, REALLY burnt and scarred post limbo due to so much exposure to water splashing and spraying against his little island, and missing a LOT of fur.

I feel like the weight gain he’d have would TOTALLY be due to health issues, along with what you said, they were also REALLY skinny in limbo (not eating for god knows how long can do that to you) so they REALLY needed to get some nutrients in them to start healing properly!! I think it’s literally as you said, Ranboo felt more confident in eating because he wasn’t scared about needing to run at a moment’s notice, and not needing to worry about fighting for their life all the time!

I think a lot of it comes from just like. Feeling at peace for the first time in their life. Tubbo’s okay, Michael’s okay, his friends are okay. And Ranboo’s here and alive and they’re happy and surounded by love…

[ankmankpank]

One thing that changes my perspective on the 4*town members completely is how I think they shower. I mean, do they hold the shower head in hand or it’s on the wall and they stand under it? Huge dilemma for me.

Opinions for each under the cut🫶

Aaron T. stands under the shower. Def. Ur first thought would be “ooh he holds it little adhd bitch who I hc as completely unviable🥺🥺”IM SORRY SHUT UP. He doesn’t like holding it and doesn’t really care if his hair gets wet or not, plus his hands are moving anyway. On him, no need to hold unnecessary shit. He uses this product, that product, a health potion that he made from three body washes, Tae’s body scrub and half of Jesse’s shampoo, anything. He doesn’t have to hold it, he won’t. The only times he holds it is when there’s no option to put it up or when he’s giving some animal a bath, but he prefers standing. Plus he likes to put his leg on the wall or on anything what can hold it if he needs to shave(legs, armpits, anything tbh. Don’t think I’m weird, hygene is important for our boys they need to shave😭)

Jesse stands, unless if he can’t wash his hair bc there’s something important the next day. But he likes long showers, so he’ll stand for one hour and use most of the hair and body washes he has, that’s why he bought them. He’s real like that, his showers are not simple but for the love of god don’t make him even hold the shower head then!! He loves standing, he will. He shaves outside the shower so that’s not a topic here, but he wouldn’t like shaving with water anyway.

Tae holds it, because he simply can’t stand it when the water gets into his eyes. Plus his hair needs extra care, he can’t always spend one or more hours in the shower, he’d get bored. When he has to wash his hair, sure, he can stand under the shower but he’s not a big fan. If it’s not the beach, water on his face annoys him. He shaves outside the shower, but he prefers waxing more. He only shaves in last minutes.

Aaron Z. mostly stands, depends on the events of the week. Them arms strong but he can’t wash his hair, THAT hair everyday. He has to take care of it, and that’s time. His showers are quick, unless if he washes hair. That takes loooong bc he has to look good for the fans plus his scalp is really sensitive, so lot, LOT of products. He doesn’t care if the water gets into his face, so it doesn’t matter to him if he shaves outside the shower or under it.

Robaire stands, he does NOT care. Doesn’t mind the water in his eyes, doesn’t mind how long it takes, he likes showers. He usually takes them short though, he doesn’t see the point of spending too much under the water if not necessary. Plus he likes to sit in the sauna afterwards, so the quicker he’s finished with the shower, the faster he can boil himself. He also shaves outside the shower, he thinks i’d get messy if he did it with water.

Btw I think all of them like showers more, except Jesse. He prefers baths🫶

[atsadi-shenanigans]

Feeding Alligators 34 - Fireside Chats

Y'all take a breather. Leaving you and Astarion on first watch.

Rated M for language and violence (once the sex stuff hits it'll go to E). Updates Saturdays and Wednesdays.

On AO3.

No one has the energy to march back out, and Gale is fresh out of mojo. None of y’all want to camp in the creepy fucking swamp lair, but the alternative is free range bog. You literally feel your White ancestors shushing you, it’ll be fine, the bad thing is gone, is that oakwood flooring?

Amongst all the shuffling and the “what the fuck was that noise”, Shadowheart finds a horde of herbs. A decent chunk of them is the mergrass Gale needs to brew dirt potion, thank fucking god.

You took the fewest injuries, and as Ethel’s dirt potion still works, you take the first watch with Astarion (creepy murder hag house needs two people, no splitting up, your Cherokee ancestors rejoice).

Dinner is cold cheese and slightly stale bread. No one complains; nobody wants to trust Ethel’s stove or fireplace. Probably some kind of murder pit waiting to be activated. Y’all don’t explore much, either. Even Astarion lingers closer to the tent huddle than usual (and they did all put up tents; it’s a psychological thing, you’re sure). He’s quieter, than usual, hands still and unmoving at his sides.

He’s actually too still, now that you look. Barely breathing, gaze shifting around and restless. But the rest of him is unmoving. The hag had been shouting insults at all y’all, and had said something to him about being leashed at one point.

“You alright?” you say, seating yourself nearby.

He blinks. Eyes track to you. “Oh yes, just fine, darling.”

It’s like dropping a quarter into one of them old mechanical pony rides stores used to have outside the front door. A chunk, and a pink unicorn—paint sun-faded and chipped—surges into movement. His face hitches up in a micro expression (smug, sass, all the usual). His breathing increases to what might almost be normal. Even his hands flutter back to life.

Huh.

“How’re you doing food-wise?” you say. “Or, y’know, blood-wise?”

“You’re awfully concerned about my health this evening, aren’t you?” His eyelids droop into that silly, flirtatious dip. “Offering me a snack?”

“Still too soon. And we just fought a hag, which everyone was right about her being a nightmare. So yeah, wanted to make sure you don’t got acid melting through your foot or nothing, sue me.”

“Mmm.” He settles his chin in his hand, one finger tracing up the side of his face. Regards you. “So, how’s the tethering potion working for you?”

Fucking blood potion. Nasty ass, fucking vile thing. The only benefit you feel is the kind of exhaustion has shifted (less depression monotony, more muscles crying in agony) and the chronic headache has, blessedly, fucked right off.

So maybe it’s worth it.

He notices all of this, of course. His smile widens. Vampire man must find this hilarious.

“What’s it taste like, to you?” you say. “Blood, I mean?”

His eyebrows lift. He looks up, thinking. “Animal blood is all plonk compared to—other things. But leagues better than the rats and bugs Cazador deigned to give me.”

Add another bullet point to your list of “reasons to kill that fuckface.”

“What do I taste like?” you say, right as Shadowheart emerges from her tent. She arches a solitary eyebrow and you can feel her judgment. “My blood! I meant my blood, not some kinda, uh, innuendo.”

She makes a “sure, Jan” face and proceeds to leave the circle for the door leading outside. Nature must be calling.

So obviously Astarion grins like a lecher. Bastard.

“Hmm, what do you taste like,” he says. To your surprise, he shifts past the leer and actually seems to consider the question. “Warmth, first and foremost. Salty and savory, but with a hint of spices, rather like a mulled wine.”

“Is that good or bad?”

“Oh, I quite enjoyed it.”

You ain’t blushing. You’re almost blushing? Why in the fuck would that make you blush? Bastard has two modes: flirt and murder hobo, and he only ever means the latter.

Things are so weird, here. The people are weird, the monsters are weird, and apparently it’s contagious.

“So blood is like booze for you?” you say because you gotta shift the tone here.

“Mmm. They are rather alike, aren’t they?”

Unfortunately, being in the middle of a hag house, y’all did not light a fire on her floor. So there ain’t no flames to distract you, and you both sit there for a good moment or two. Watch Shadowheart come back and she absolutely does not give you a “I see you two sitting together over there” glare.

“So,” Astarion says with a goddamn tone. “As a fellow blood drinker—”

“It’s a drop from each of you and it’s cooked with leaves and mushrooms and shit.”

“As a fellow blood drinker, who’s your favorite? I’ve only tasted you, darling, but you’ve sampled the full spread, as it were. Lucky thing.”

“All I taste is like licking an iron pipe.”

“What?” He sounds genuinely surprised. Then he clicks his tongue. “Such a waste.”

You shrug. “No vampire senses, I guess.”

He processes that. An odd look crosses his face and disappears again. And then he’s back to smarm. “So, in the spirit of theoretical questions, if you could taste anything besides that wretched description, which of our dearest companions would you take a mouthful of?”

…is that an innuendo? That sounds like an innuendo. Goddamn, the man never stops. No wonder he’s got a pile of lovers back in his hometown.

It also sounds like he’s actually asking your opinion on which one to nibble first.

“This is theoretical, right?”

He places a hand lightly over his heart, the wikipedia banner image of solemn. “Of course. I’ve wondered about Gale, myself. He strikes me as someone whose blood is rich, refined as a well-aged brandy.”

Gale is a wizard, and they’re probably snooty, yeah? Except Gale has more than a dash of awkwardness in there.

“And then there’s the gith,” he says. “What in the hells do you think she tastes like?

You know jack shit about alcohol. Try to think of some way to add to this conversation without revealing that (people get weird about it).

But he beats you to that non-alcoholic punch. Fake gasps and looks at you, all smugly scandalized. “Oh, but that’s right. You told our dearest Blade that you don’t drink.”

And the man casually leans in to pat your fucking cheek. You jerk back, swipe at him. But he’s already retreating out of range, and continuing on because he’s fucking horrible like that. “You poor, poor thing. That must be so boring, darling. How sheltered are you, exactly?”

Extremely, in some ways. And aggressively not in other ways on very, very purpose because your mother and her band of psychos can fuck right off into the sun, you’re a goddamn adult, fuck you very much.

“You eavesdrop on the regular?” you say.

He taps the pointed tip of his long ear. “Darling, when you have my hearing, you learn everything about everyone in camp.”

…good to know, holy shit.

“I bet Lae’zel is sour,” you say, shoving this conversation back on track. “Like, really sour. Maybe a gamy undertone.”

He pauses, opens his mouth. Shuts it and taps his finger to his chin. “Hmm. You might be right.”

“You, uh, you looking at other necks?”

His smirk morphs into a malicious sneer. “Oh, don’t worry, there’s enough of me to go around. I’m a man of tremendous appetites. Still this is just a little team bonding, eh? Good for morale and all?”

You…feel like he’s saying something else. You ain’t sure what, like hearing a voice in another room but unable to pick out a single word. And before you can try to work on that he changes the subject.

“So, you don’t like drinking? Surely the benefits outweigh the taste?” he says.

Honestly, that gets you more questions than almost anything else (the top contender is the lack of bed partners, because people get real weird about that so you don’t bring it up). They assume it’s a religious thing. And maybe that did keep you from developing a taste earlier in life, but you’d tried plenty ever since (out of spite) and they’re all horrifying.

“Not really,” you say, and stick out your tongue in what you hope is the universal “blurgh” face. “I can drink it in other stuff, sometimes, but I’d just rather not.”

“You dislike bitter things. Noted.”

Did…did he just turn that into some kinda innuendo? Because his tone suggests it is, but the words make no damn sense and you stare at him for a hot minute.

“You’re being real weird tonight,” you say. And immediately regret being so forward and the first twinge of panic uncurls beneath your lungs.

But he only grins and leans back on his hands. “We just murdered a hag, my dear, as you noted. Is it a crime to bask in our victory?”

Everyone and everything was so scared of her. Those still-living people below had been trapped so long. Even Gandrel, a professional monster hunter, was wary of her.

“Guess not,” you say.

“Thank you. And you never did answer my question, you know.” At your blank stare, “If you could properly sample anyone here, who would it be?”

Six tents, yours and his included. Nobody did their extra stuff today—no writing desk for Gale or practice dummies for Lae’zel. Just a closed tent and a bedroll within. You suspect y’all will be hoofing out the second y’all can in the morning, this entire place be damned. The tents are all, to your ears, quiet.

“I dunno,” you say. “Guess it depends on what makes blood taste different. You said it’s life force, right? So wouldn’t someone like, say, Wyll, be better than Gale? Just cause he’s younger? Or is it experience? Fitness? Is diet a factor? I mean, if somebody eats chocolate, it puts sugars and hormones into the bloodstream. Does that alter what you get outta it?”

Now it’s his turn to stare. To blink. “I don’t really know, darling. This is theoretical.”

“Do you want to know?” Because you do. Sweat smells different when the body processes alcohol. Urine smells different depending on vegetable consumption. “The human—er the body is basically a big, interwoven chemistry set. Whole thing is run on chemicals and hormones. So tweaking some a those ought to affect what you get out of it. Unless it’s all magical, vampire bullshit stuff. But we could experiment, maybe? If you wanted?”

And now a slight frown folds the skin between his brows. You’ve gone and overdone it again. Fuck.

“Wyll,” you blurt. “I’d try Wyll.”

He pauses, and then smooths back into that delighted grin. “Ah, I was thinking the same. All that self-righteous heroics. Honestly, that man.”

See? He flirts with everybody. Guy is just a flirty nut. But you two’ve established the foundations of a game, so you look at him. Hold that eye contact while keeping your face blank in the way most other people find intimidating (it’s not anything, you’re literally just holding still).

Astarion, shockingly, only rolls his eyes. “Yes, yes. I have no intention of snacking on our beloved teammates.” Sweeps his gaze to your neck. “Aside from one. When she permits me to end my agony.”

Good lord, this guy. He really is punch drunk off this fight.

“I honestly started feeling a lot better a lot quicker than when I donated back home,” you say. “I’ll ask how that all works in the morning when Gale potions me up. See if the healing juice speeds up red cell production. If it does, maybe you can tap in more often.”

Blood and dirt. What an exciting flavor profile. You almost fold into a groan.

“Really?” Astarion says. There’s the barest tremble to his voice. The lightest touch of what you could almost describe as incredulity.

Acknowledging something that skittish would only send it sprinting off. So you continue as if you hadn’t noticed. “Sure. If you want to?”

And then he leans in. Like, leans in, and his eyelids drop. “Oh darling, I will eat you right up.”

Oookay. You know he’s ridiculous, but the man is upping it to the nth degree. What an absolute goober.

He settles back before you can shove his head. You have to settle for a brushing motion with your fingers. “Yeah, yeah. Keep your fangs in your mouth please.”

The man full on simpers. Clucks his tongue, even. And in the most oozing, sleaziest tone imaginable, “Oh, you sweet, generous thing. I’ll be waiting.”

He’s just too much. You still feel yourself smile, though.

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