#god damn you past self
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"I can't find my elf ears, and I'm only slightly frustrated" (on the verge of a panic attack)
#my room is still in boxes from a move bc i had to leave for months for a family emergency#and I cannot remember where the fuck I packed them#I used to put them inside my tarot box at home but???? I looked and!!! not there either!!!!!!!#fuck!!!#I need them for an upcoming thing!!!!!!! Im going to cyclone my entire room tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#I already looked in the bag that I put all of my jewelry in !!!! not there !!!!!#I havent even had the chance to put things in my various shelf drawers so I KNOW theyre all empty and my ears are Not There#god damn you past self#WHERE ARE THE DAMN EARS
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lmao I’m not even 32 yet and someone asked me when I’m going to start coloring my grey hair. never, actually, it’s a condition. it’s called Pretty Boy Disease and it’s terminal. it just gets worse as I get older, I just keep getting more and more grey hairs until I’m so hot people can’t stand to look at me. make sure it’s an open-casket funeral, don’t put me in the ground without getting a good eyeful bc I worked hard for these sultry little grey binches.
#god damn this society hates everything about being human at a base level#I’m not old and grey hairs are just normal#I’ve had a grey patch since I was like 14#but like shut the fuck up also#throw the entire concept of being old out the window until you’re like fucking. 75+ and then get back to me#30 will be peak if you let it#in fact I feel better now than I ever did before#undo that conditioning that the 20s are the only fun times in your life or that you’re old past 25#it’s insane to me to see people hating wrinkles or average facial features and calling them old#when we literally are born with wrinkles and some of us have more dramatic creases even in our teens#American media especially just fetishizes this false idea of youthfulness#but anyway fuck everything and everyone who tells you to change yourself bc of your age#aging gracefully has nothing to do with coloring your hair and everything to do with treating yourself with kindness and loving your body#aging gracefully#thirty is not old#real shitposting hours#y’all need to do some introspection#and some self acceptance while you’re at it
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People should be more afraid of asexuals, because they’re the only people that are immune to one of the seven deadly sins
#seven deadly sins#maybe they have metaphorical lust. lust for the aesthetic#asexual#we also should fear aromantics but they aren’t necessarily immune to lust so fear them for the usual reasons#pride? sometimes can be negated by self-hatred but usually shows up when you do something to be proud of. as it should#greed? you might donate your money to orphans but if anyone touches your collection of shiny trinkets their hand will be removed#envy? unless you have never met any other living beings I don’t think it’s possible to escape this one#wrath? work in public service for a week and we’ll get you wanting to fistfight god#gluttony? eating disorders are a thing; however you should definitely eat something unless you wanna die#sloth? insomnia is a thing. but you should probably sleep if you don’t want to be driven mad upon the rocks#honestly too little of the seven deadly sins is also bad. no sloth? you’re barely functioning. no gluttony? you die of starvation.#no wrath? you’ll become a doormat. no envy? you’ll never want to improve yourself. no greed? you give all your stuff away and are now poor#no pride? you don’t love yourself AT ALL. no lust? no new generation.#and frankly that last one isn’t bad in the slightest considering that much is also true for people with a same-gender significant other#(unless they are also trans and willing but that’s a them problem to have)#plus overpopulation is a thing anyway so frankly the less lust the better.#the avatar of lust has been too overworked the past few decades and and wants a damn break for once#tw eating issues#tw eating disorder#eating disorder mention#shitpost
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jinchul, being a literal reincarnation of a god: what a fucking loser he was to get murdered by his own creations
#it’s just fucking funny he def would be so done with shit AB done#it’s like looking at past incarnation and be like ‘damn bitch you live like that’#jinchul trolling to hell and back over AB’s shit life decisions#ashborn is kinda offended but also ‘ngl he has a point’#tired jinchul saying he wants to destroy the earth and people legit can’t say if he’s joking or no#jinchul is AB if AB seriously invested into intellect#‘only I can insult a god because I am said god and I have that low self esteem’ - jinchul probably
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crazy how i have no one
#like yes i have my internet friends and i adore them ofc#but i have no fucking one irl#and i mean no one. my mom’s side of the family is all dead and the other side is uber christian and doesnt give a fuck about us#i only have my brother#and i need help and support so horribly bad but i wasnt there for him when he needed me#so why the hell should he be there for me. he shouldnt#im going to have to rely on myself this time and i cant do that#i dont trust or believe in myself whatsoever#i think im fucking horrible and useless and repulsive#and idk how to be nice to myself bc ive never felt that and i dont know how to self soothe#i dont have the energy physically or mentally or emotionally to learn#and idk what to lean on anymore if i want to quit abusing substances#realized recently how much i do that.#and for how long. a decade. ive been acting like a 13 yo this whole time#idk how to move past and grow up. god i absolutely need to see my therapist again. if she’ll have me#i fear ill be rejected tho ive left and came back several times and last time she said ‘ofc ill take you back youre my person’#whatever that means. ive been an anomaly to every therapist/psych ive been to apparently they all mention how weird i am and how they cant#figure me out. like damn me too doc!#i want to email her so bad but i wont be able to see her until my insurance goes thru and i dont want to get free labor out of her if i dump#all the trauma ive sustained since i last saw her on her yw#but i want to get better i dont want to live like this anymore i cant do it#any of it#my coping mechanisms are all self destructive and i want to grow past that#but i need help and i dont have it. not really#whatever i guess. first step call and see wtfs going on w my insurance#i feel like i need help even for that . i feel so utterly incapable of everything snd i always have#i can do it. i can do it
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#vent post essay ahead lol#having complexes about talking about your emotions is literally the fucking devil . its miserable. it sucks so bad.#the aamount of damage that is caused to someone by like#i mean im talking abou t me here obviously.#being the person whose like. overall ultimately tends not to feel horrible as often is like.#it's nice not feeling bad emotionally all the time but also it's like. i develop this complex about being like able to help.#i don't feel bad anywhere near as often as my friends so i can help them out and listen to them vent i can have the mental room to#like listen to them talk about their problems. yeah. but it makes me feel like. well this is my job now so i shouldn't fucking talk about m#i shouldnt vent when i feel bad because that's not what i'm known for. plus my friends already all feel worse than me more often than me. s#i don't want to dump any more on their plate than they have to deal with. i don't want to burden them anymore than i have to. and like it's#it's hard. i hate fucking talking about it and it's made so much worse when its like people i love . always been a fucking problem becaus#i just feel fucking horrible admitting that i feel bad i hate that so much. i don't want to like turn away people who care about me but li#i feel like if i tell them what's wrong with me i'll like do it anyways. i feel like i come off as super normal and happy go lucky and like#ostensibly fine. so when i admit this shit its like. oops the facade is cracking!!!!!! uh oh uh oh you can't help people so you feel bad!!!#because your fucking npd has made you feel self centered in a way that means you want to help people or some shit i dont fucking know#and so when i feel bad or get mad over something unreasonable it's like. well i hope i fucking keel over and die or something i dont like .#i don't want people seeing me like this or whatever. and my stupid fucking personality disorder just ruins every god damn thing its so bad.#my past experiences giving me complexes that lead to me feeling fucking left out over like small stupid stuff but god the worst part is lik#my brain categorizing something as being ''My Thing'' so somebody else talks about liking my thing AFTER my brain has designated it mine#makes alarm bells go off and feel like theyre fucking. i don't know encroaaching on my turf or what the fuck ever? it SUCKS ASS#it makes me feel HORRIBLE . and it's like i'm not gonna fucking bring it up because i don't wnt to be like a dick but also it's like well.#i feel fucking miserable about this but it's just like mean and unnecessary and cruel to like stifle people's fucking fun because of my dum#fuckin complexes. it's fucking constant. like oh look at you girl you feel fucking left out because you never get characters who really gri#you mentally and so now you have one but oops! someone else talked about them and now you're seeing red! you like this person though#so you're gonna feel fucking MISERABLE about this . you're gonna feel HORRIBLE because of this. and there's nothing you can fucking do#and it controls my goddamn life and i HATE IT i fucking HATE IT i wish i knew how to fix it. ghghrgurghrughruhg i want to fucking explode#and then you feel bad about feeling bad because you are fucking sisyphus. you're sisyphus. and your own anger is your boulder. you ingrate.#i hate this. i just wanted to have a good day.#jane mary cry one tear
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OPEN STARTER | Boo Yihwa
"New idea: you fuck off or I'll kill you. I hate the way you smell."
#;open starter#the witch;yihwa#the witch;open#NEW FC NEW FC NEW FC couldn't find more resources for the old one plus i generally just wanted a new one lmao here she is#SO she's around 90 yrs old so fresh immortal she/her all the way and she hates people~#her 'immortality' is just her lengthening her lifespan by 'consuming' souls of the deceased#spirits yknow because if they're strong enough to stick around as spirits then they have enough life energy left#to be added to hers IT WORKED it's weird mathematics but she made it work#she's less of a witch and more of a psychic of sorts?? she doesn't really do spells she just#makes it look like it's spells when it's just her having figured out how to trap souls lmao#she's so much NOT fun to be around it's thrilling~#;queue#gosh i have to change her about doc#but hoNESTLY what with her fc change i really wanna WRITE her now LIKE DAMN#she's so muCH FUN because she doesn't mince her words and she hates everyone#OH AND ALSO she's terrified of death she will nOT die that's NOT AN OPTION#but she's also only 91 it's so funny all the shit she knows from the past is stuff your grandparent could corroborate#you should become her lil apprentice actually?? she'd HATE that but then she'd really angrily accept you after a while#and she'd turn you into a supervillain ngl or she'd try to#but you can then go around and say 'i wouldn't mess with me' bc if she starts considering you an extension of herself#or GOD FORBID care about you her deranged methods of self-protection wILL be extended onto you
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everytime i think im done ranting i remember something else LMFAO this one is extra long i hit tag limit god mf damn
#self#for instance.....my mom wants me to cut off everyone who is still tied to the school#and im so mad at myself for feeling a certain type of way when the campus manager called me not too long ago basically to tell me she doesnt#trust the girl who did this shit and she wasnt mad at me but was also mad at me for bringing her to her dads house#for reference we were trying to get a cat from the campus managers dads house LMFAO#and i honestly cannot wait to speak to her again and be like 😔 god dammit you were right like you were every single time#i just dont understand the wiring in her head to think the shit she says and does to people is normal and okay and how she doesnt realize it#is literally a mental health break. when i finally told my mom the first thing she said was shes probably off her medication#which.....probably isnt wrong sadly coming from someone who has borderline and very easily can lose it#but the difference is i dont give in to the urges to try to hurt everyone around me in every way i can#and me and her have said before that we thought she might also have borderline because we were very similar#but god damn does she love proving that if she has it its extremely severe or its something else entirely#on an honest note. shes incredibly narcissistic and i know her mom is part of the reason shes that way bc she was given princess treatment#her entire fucking life and then doesnt understand when other people dont treat her the same way#i hate rambling about this and i hate it that it is bothering me so fucking bad but like ???#if youre going to decide that you can put our past aside period and move on then fucking do that and stop bringing the past up as a way to#hurt me and the people around you???? she acts like shes not done horrible fucking things to people. so sorry i wrote a letter that was very#honest at the time. so sorry that when you found out i apologized for it and said i regret it because 2 weeks after my apology i no longer#regret writing it. if its making school a living hell for you....theres probably a reason for that girlfriend#i am not the person who put that shit in your folder#though i seriously fucking doubt its actually in her folder shes probably assuming it is#and youre the one who made a complete ass of yourself to every educator that ever stepped foot in that building#that has nothing to do with me that you are a literal warning given to every new educator!!!! i havent even been in school there in months#yet IM the problem??? how am i the problem when i graduated in fucking january???? everything since then falls on you#AND YET AGAIN! MIGHT I MENTION! IT IS NOT JUST MY LETTER!!! THERES AT LEAST 2 OTHER ONES!!!!!#BECAUSE IM NOT THE ONLY PERSON SHE DOES THIS SHIT TO!!!!#god sometimes i sit back and realize that theres a reason she regresses as a person and i do not#im not going to sit still anymore and let someone walk all over me and she can thank herself for that#shes who taught me that blocking and running as fast as i can doesnt fix anything#so here we are bitch. youre not blocked and im sure youre sitting at home thinking about how youre right about everything
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oh boy making some BIG changes to toh daemon au fjkdg
like good changes. part of the editing process is chopping things up and incorporating ideas i had later down the line but this is changing a super huge aspect of the fic (what luzmari originally settles as) and while it is the right choice there is still a part of me like. damn.
but me writing this fic spanned through like, two other daemon aus (at least. probably more honestly but i think two big ones). and ive come away from them with a lot more ideas on daemons and what i want to say with them, and like...cmon. cmon. i HAVE to.
#and a grove of palistrom to you#chatter#this is vague as hell lol but you tag readers get it un-vagued#basically luzmari originally settled as a lizard but ive been like#okay but lizard in this world is still WRONG and im trying to make it like#they settled to FIT IN to BE GOOD not bc this form is them#and thus. what better form to change it to. then a god damned dog#not sure what breed yet but i have some ideas for pug mayhaps....#or one of those super unhealthy toy breeds.....#ITS SO FUN i love making these big edits tho its like WOAG im making this fic!!!#the best version of itself that i can!!!#(<- says the guy who has only written#the most self indulgent vera-and-nico friendship fic#for the past three days#shhhhhh its ok ill get to actually editing later shhhh)
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something something maybe time to actually deal with Orodruin like I forshadowed five installments ago something something
#oathbound#how do you even fix a volcano#god damn it past self#how to stop a dark lord from dark lording: force him to solve the logistics of doing the middle-earth version of unifying europe#(and you know oaths and emotions and other inconvenient stuff)
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do you want me to fucking go off on you? do you truly fucking want that mother?
#“oh you and your sister never listen to me and blah blah blah” we fucking do (or at the very least i do)#“you guys never help out” does me doing the litter and taking out the trash and on occasion hand washing the dishes mean#fucking nothing to you? does me sweeping the floor every once in a while because you chose to keep us in an area that is ALL SAND/DIRT ROAD#for whatever stupid ass reason also meaningless? does me doing my damn best to help out mean fucking nothing?#do you want me to kill my self. do you want to lose your eldest child to something YOU could have fucking prevented all because you can’t#stop being a bitch to him all the time? do you really fucking want that mom? because at this rate i am once again on the road to fucking#attempting it. i’m so god damn sick of how you treat me. the only time i can do anything i want is at night. i stay up super late playing#games with my friends because its the only time in the day when you aren’t bitching and whining for me to do something you don’t want to do#for the past several days i’ve been up until five in the damn morning just to do something that makes me happy.#you misgender me. you deadname me. you refuse to accept any aspect of my identity. you don’t treat me like a god damn person.#i have so many different ways i can consider attempting if i truly wanted to. the only thing keeping me alive is my friends. because they a#least show that they fucking care and actively want to do things with me. like group drawing or playing video games.#YOU on the other hand; mother; yell and get mad at me over the stupidest shit and never fucking apologize.#i cannot recall a singular time you’ve apologized for being a complete bitch to me over something so fucking unimportant.#and yet i’m expected to be completely fucking fine and happy all because you provide me with the bare fucking minimum.#”i clothe and feed and provide a place for you to live” THAT IS THE BARE FUCKING MINIMUM. sure you could argue over the fact i’m 18 and#should be out working somewhere. but you give me so few opportunities for going places and even considering getting a job or finally gettin#my driver’s license. plus i would rather fucking die than work any food service or customer service job. because i’d be going somewhere#where i’d mostly get talked down to or yelled and then come home and have the same shit done after working for hours and getting minimal#pay. i’d rather work on my own fucking terms with commissions than go into any job where i have to interact with others in public for any#reason. where i’d be treated just the same as at home. like someone who isn’t a person and doesn’t deserve anyone to be nice to them.#i constantly so desperately wish that maybe one day soon i’d find someone to be with romantically and that i could maybe live with them and#get out of this hell hole that i’m supposed to call home. to go somewhere and have my efforts appreciated. to go somewhere where i’d#actually fucking be loved. i shouldn’t have to wish so god damn hard for a better life all because my mother can’t fucking treat me like a#person with hopes and dreams and thoughts and feelings.#i’m ending this rant here before i get too angry and upset. see you all in maybe an hour.#suicide mention#ask to tag
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the second we woke up the first thought we had was from lili and it was "jachi c: ⭐🌟✨☄️"
#it was also the last thing she thought before napping and she's just been repeating it every so often kjggkj#kid has been enthusiastic about this silly lil pokeman :P#jachi. so true kiddo lmao we'll draw her with a plushie later maybe :3#its definitely not obvious to anyone who doesn't know lili and the rest of us but it IS obvious to us that we are projecting our love and#fondness that we hold for lili in this skill fic lmao <33 lil syskid! hope and light and everyone working together to take care of her :']#you gotta heal your past self somehow folks <33#oh god are we still sleepy? damn what the fuck man hgkjgj#well i'd?? like to be awake?? please and thank you lmao??#💫
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guy i was trying to be friends with who completely ignored me and brushed me off when i shared something vulnerable has sent me this long paragraph about some stuff he's dealing with in his life rn and every time i see the preview of the unread message i see red.
#you expect me to give a fuck when you can't be assed to even like.#say ''oh damn that's rough''#when i tried to share with you?#what do you think i'm your fucking therapist?#no bitch we're supposed to be friends.#this is why i don't do relationships man it's just all bullshit.#oh adam you're a narcissist it's part of your disorder you have an irrational world view you need to do opposite emotional action to recover#no. it's not fucking irrational.#everyone is a self serving asshat. some of you are just in denial.#there is no point in attempting to find equal footing with anyone. interpersonal equal footing is a goddamn myth.#it's not fucking real!! it doesn't happen!!#god.#i was trying to be NICE honesty. this kid is an incel [not like a redpilled misogynist just literal def. in that he's a virgin not by choice#and he's a sheltered little shame riddled catholic. like. zero self respect.#unemployed also not by choice. kind of. that's complicated.#the point is he's like. self loathing over these things and it's like#oh i thought I'd do some opposite emotional action and try to do the Right thing and repair some bridges from my past#we went through being the weird kids in HS together so i thought hey this can be good#but no. it doesn't matter.#not worth my fucking time anyways#bite.txt#—kieran
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jesus fucking christ.
#abt wilbur.#abuse#this is largely going to be my rambling immediate largely self centric thoughts so . yknow keep scrollin if you dont want that.#i have nothing meaningful to add to the conversation except watch shelbys vod.#at first i only saw wills tweet bc my brother told me about it#and i thought it was about his EX ex girlfriend or something so i brushed it off like 'oh okay damn a general misunderstanding'#then i searched tumblr saw shubble. found her vod . jesus christ.#hes always poked fun at himself being like 'yeah im shit and manipulative'#so theres always been a nagging. ick . in the back of my head. but never enough to actually. stop myself from liking his content/music.#so yeah. another lesson in 'no no red flags exist for a reaosn. listen to your instincts is a saying for a reason.'#all the love and support to shelby. her candidness & how obviously much she HAS been able to grow past THAT SHIT is genuinely inspirational#not that she needs to be inspirational etc. etc. its just good to know she'll be okay. shes in a good place. thank god.#all the stress for wilburs content friends. whether theyve been manipualteed whether theyve whatever i hope theyre . making good choices.#i say give them time. ik theres a lot of creators immediately coming out. therell be a lot who have to process this shit.#there'll be a lot whove. knowinigly / accidentally been complicit. theyre individuals treat them as such.#personally i just . have not cared about m a n y dsmp era mcyt for a W H I L E . so im happy to detach forever at thsi rate.#i havent been in the mcyt sphere for a hot fucking minute now. i hope youre all doing okay.#this shit hits weird. its okay to feel weird. if you want somewhere to vent my dms the replies on this post the tags are all free and open.#don't stew in it. you dont have to fear feeling selfish or self-centric or shifting the spotlight. you need to let that shit out.#thsis hit sucks !!!! a bunch of his/lvjy songs are comfort songs for me.#idk what the fuck to do about that. my immediate /want/ is to burn it. but thats easier said than done sometimes#if youre gonna 'separate the art from the artist' at least fucking pirate his music. youtube to mp3 that shit.#you can add local 'on your computer' files to spotify.#seperate art from the artist by seperating his monetary gain of YOUR consumption of it as much as possible. /AT LEAST/.#but also good luck separating his largely personal art from him.#im not tryna be condescending im in the same boat.#fucking white whine in a wetherspoons is no. 2 on my panic attacks playlist.#thats not his to take from me anymore. but ik if i listen to it ever again itll make my skin crawl.#ofc its not about me. its not about us the unaware fans. and im glad to know for sure now hes a REAL piece of shit.#m
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... *VIOLENTLY SHAKING MY PAST SELF FROM 10 YEARS AGO* WHAT WAS THE FUCKING DREAM???? WHAT WAS IT???? WHY DIDN'T YOU FUCKING TYPE IT OUT YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!! OHHH MY GOD I'M GONNA SCREAM LMAO.
#see this is the typa bullshit i have to put up with with my past self#i was too self conscious about this being my otp and now i dont even have a point of reference to look back on besides vaguely worded...#...posts i was trying to be socially acceptable about bc people i knew irl followed me on here and i was too scared ppl would hate me...#...for posting about delicious puppetfuckery on main#(i very much did share it on occasion tho but itS NOT ENOUGH!!)#I NEED ALL THE PLUSHY DETAILS GOD DAMN IT#Cori.exe#Post.exe#ughhhhhhhhhhh#this is suffering#to know that cori from 10 years ago had all the e%plicit brocal at their fingertips#and saved maybe one image#and now its all gone#and now i gotta diy bc that time period of the hs fandom is over and none of it is archived#i hate this#i go thru my old posts just to see whats left of brocal in my blog and this is the bullshit crumbs im left with#vent#'that was the best. whoa.'#you fucking piece of shit asshole fuck you you deserved all the shit u went thru for that line alone
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killing the part of me that made me suffer for so long (he's not doing a good job at it)
#this is what happens when you give unstable me an ipad and an apple pencil. started this yesterday and finished it today :]#cmon comfrou you're not doing a good job at killing your past self#YOURE A GOD. DAMN!!!!!!!!!#this is vent art but im too proud of it to not post it lol#val does art#val's oc art#procreate art#procreate#digital art
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