#god has nerfed me in this regard

[worldwhampion]

APOLLO NMS IS AUTISTIC-CODED 1/2

here's the google doc for much better reading! (also contains a small epilogue)

Let's look at their physical characteristics first. 

1. Stimming

Everyone who’s seen Apollo at a holo terminus knows the thing they do with their fingers: a repetitive movement that never ceases. They are literally STIMMING! For those who don’t know, stimming (aka self-stimulating behavior) involves engaging in repetitive movements, which helps with improving concentration and alleviating anxiety, and often it is done unconsciously. Now don’t tell me that’s just their idle animation. They could’ve chosen any other thing for them to do that does not straight up look like hand flapping, one of the most prevalent stims out there - as well as not making it repetitive and constant.

2. Footing (toe walking)

Another characteristic is a small, but very special detail: their footing.  

(picture credit to @speci-society - they were the first to point this out! annotations by me)

Their ‘heels’ are off the ground, and the two plates which do make contact with the ground are more like shoe soles - think of tiptoeing while wearing slippers. This is very reminiscent of toe walking, another trait associated with autism. The name is pretty straightforward: walking on toes without the heels touching the ground, which is thought to be due to sensory processing and motor issues.

3. Sensory processing issues

Interestingly, Apollo's body is synthetic - meaning that they cannot sense the world around them through touch. In terms of physical sensitivity, they must be quite detached from the world. Usually when talking about sensory processing issues, it is about an overload of senses to the point of discomfort. Though in Apollo's case, I think it is rather the opposite of that; their senses are void. Because well, There’s no way you could possibly have nerves in metal. They’d have to rely on something else entirely in order to sense every time they come into contact with an object (including their footfalls on solid ground). Likely they have other means of sensing things - different from the usual organic way. I’m not sure how their body exactly works, but since they still possess an organic brain, neuroplasticity must’ve done loads to it so that they could properly adjust to their body. Can’t imagine how the first days must’ve been like for them.

4. Motor issues

And possibly, they may still have issues in controlling their mechanical limbs (motor issues) despite the neuroplasticity - or rather, carrying out complex tasks with them - especially their hands, they don’t look dexterous at all but rather very cumbersome. As well as their arms and shoulders, all seem to be very inflexible. In my opinion, Apollo is (borderline) disabled, as they likely do not have the same capabilities as an abled person.

5. No facial expressions

They have no ‘face’ - so no facial expressions either. They also can’t make eye contact. Autistics are known to struggle with facial expressions - and especially eye contact - in conversations. I’m not sure whether it’s a blessing or not for Apollo to be unable to make eye contact with anyone, because that’s just about the most uncomfortable thing to do (for me at least), and yet it’s so weirdly important in face-to-face communication at the same time. To physically express emotions must be quite hard for them, therefore they likely have to compensate through body language. A notable one is a certain tendency to tilt their head: “as the hologram recedes, Apollo's head turns to the side ever so slightly, as if sighing, saddened.” Due to them having no facial expressions, I think it could be pretty hard for anyone to tell if they’re listening to them or not. I am saying this out of my own personal experience. Okay story time! When I was younger it was kind of unclear to others whether I was paying attention to them or not due to my lack of eye contact. This led to me finding an alternative to that: head nodding! I tend to nod my head along as people talk to me. This way it’s clear to people that I am in fact listening without having to directly make eye contact with them. Perhaps Apollo does a similar thing to indicate that they’re paying attention. 

---

Pt. 1 < pt.2

[daemon-in-my-head]

Hi. I'm bored. And incredibly sleep-deprived. So let me try and fix the loopholes Larian left behind when doing that whole durge/chosen of the dead 3 plotline.

Let's start with the obvious: Durge is a titan. Even if we ignore that Durge is what would happen if Bhaals pinkie decided to gain conciseness of its own, Orin is brutal. She's strong. And while she's a chosen, she's also a 2nd Gen Bhaalspawn. She hardly has any "taint" worth mentioning that could enhance her abilities, no divine spark, but Durge does. Pretadpole Durge is a menace and a savage. Look at Gortash's decked-out stats while being only level 9 and the thinker rather than the murderer. Durge most definitely was even more fearsome before the parasitic nerf.

With that established, let me claim the following: Durge is immortal. Age, sickness, poison, etc can not kill them. But legendary weapons can, although even in that case, by the grace of being a titan, Bhaal can revive them if he wants to. They are not invincible or smth. They can be hurt and all, but the damage wont be as severe for most instances, so long as there arent any cut off parts or scooped out brains. Durge would need the proper revival to reclaim that, really rebuild the body u know? Well, this also means Kressas little fun project could've never killed Durge. They would've simply felt like they were dying the entire time without getting the sweet release that would've been death. Or maybe at one point they did, but seeing how the Absolutes plot wasn't done yet Bhaal immediately pressed the undo button.

Speaking off, Durge longs for death. They see beauty in obliteration. It just sucks they can't die until Bhaal allows them to. This also explains why they're still alive and why Bhaal killed them in a redemption ending. It takes a deity or a legendary weapon to kill a titan.

Regarding weapons, guess how exactly the alliance didn't falter for as long as Durge was there but shattered the second Orin took over? Neither Ketheric nor Gortash have a legendary weapon. Orin is the only one who does, and it's a ceremonial blade set she most likely stole off of Durge's knocked-out body. Even if they wanted to kill Durge, before the plan concluded, they could hardly do it, and even if they had wounded Durge severely, they would've killed them first before Daddy Bhaal would revive them because their job here wasn't done yet.

It takes another titan or a god to kill one, so the only people capable of doing so are Bhaal and Durge. Sure other gods, too, but they're forbidden from meddling, and everyone still remembers what happened the last time a certain Tyrant pissed off Ao.

As for why Orin attacked them? Siblings. That's the only explanation you need, really. Durge prayer probably pissed her off, and she just did the sibling thing, that is, maim her bloodkin. Probably stuffed a tadpole in there when Durge didn't get up in time so Orin would have an excuse before Bhaal.

This also gives us 2 options why Gortash did nothing despite expecting the Brain to transform.

1; better chances at killing Durge when it would eventually come down to it. A netherbrain infused with Netherese Magic (which is also Durges Origin btw, Bhaal was netherese himself) simply has better odds against a quasi deity than a human does.

2; he was convinced they'd ascend as gods themselves. Durge was already a quasi deity so the last bit wouldn't have been hard. And with a deity on your side surely even a netherbrain is no challenge.

Now back to unholy thoughts-

[marina-the-witch]

Elden Ring Boss Ranking

Hi everyone!

With Elden Ring being my most replayed and almost most played game over all, I think my opinions on the bosses have definitely solidified enough for me to rank them individually. I will do so in this post.

Seeing as I can only attach 30 images and Elden Ring has a plethora of mini-bosses, I'll only be ranking bosses that reward you with achievements for beating them and ones necessary for story progression. Seeing as Godskin Noble and Duo fall under those criteria, I'll also include the Apostle as I would feel weird leaving it out.

Additionally, I won't be ranking the illusion/nerfed version of bosses and instead just lump them in with the real deal. This applies to Margit, Sewer Mohg, Siofra Ancestor Spirit, Godfrey and Carian Knight Loretta.

Remember that these are only my opinions and you're allowed to agree or disagree however much you want.

Bosses will also be put into a bit of a tiering system through colors. Blue means a boss is almost if not entirely perfect in my opinion and is one of Fromsoft's greatest to date. Purple means I do really enjoy a boss but have a handful of gripes with it that drag it down. Pink means i don't feel strongly about a boss one way or the other, either due to them not really being particularly noteworthy or having both really good and really bad aspects. Green means I don't really enjoy a boss but they have enough redeeming qualities for me to still like them a little bit. Orange means I do genuinely dislike a boss but can't bring myself to hate them. Red means they should be nuked from orbit.

With all that said, let's begin.

#1: God-Devouring Serpent/Rykard, Lord of Blasphemy

Rykard and Radahn fluctuate as my number 1 fairly consistently. While I definitely think Radahn has a better fight, I find the comparison a bit unfair seeing as Rykard is designed to be a gimmick fight. Unlike his predecessors like Storm Lord and Yhorm however, Rykard actually manages to stay challenging despite the game granting you the weapon specifically designed to kill him right away. What really makes Rykard so special for me is everything else. He is by far the most disgusting entity fromsoftware has ever produced in my opinion and I could go on about how much I love his design, lore and presentation for hours. I love everything about this fight, from the insanely memorable voice acting and reveal in phase 2, to the demonic rollercoaster of a theme and the symbolism of the chandeliers in his arena, with this grotesque monstrosity still framing itself a noble king. With a spectacular legacy dungeon to boot, Rykard, for me at least, is easily my favorite boss in Elden Ring.

#2: Starscourge Radahn

While I prefer his siblings in almost every other regard, Radahn for me is easily the most fun boss in the entire game and very consistently switches places with Rykard in my overall ranking like I said. With an immaculate battle theme that really emphasises the spectacle of taking down this fierce demigod, Radahn is a challenging and thrilling fight. While far from the hardest fight in Elden Ring, he can still throw me for a loop, especially as I tend to fight him without summons and a purposefully unupgraded weapon. His attacks are imposing and beautiful to look at while never feeling unfair and no boss better captures the feeling of giving a noble warrior a heroic end.

#3: Mohg, Lord of Blood/Mohg, the Omen

Far more controversial than my previous 2 picks, I can definitely understand why people don't really gel with Mohg. Even I used to not really like him, with Mohg the Omen actually making me almost cry out of frustration the very first time I fought him, as I had not yet gotten used to Elden Ring's delayed attack patterns. However, after fighting the real deal at the end of the game and being perfectly trained to evade his wide sweeps, I knew this boss was something special. Mohg is a thrilling, challenging fight, with an absolutely stunning battle theme that I would confidently call my favorite piece of music in Elden Ring and I could not be happier they made the last minute decision of adding him to the main boss line-up.

#4: Morgott, the Omen King/Margit, the Fell Omen

Much like his brother, Morgott is also an extremely thrilling and exciting fight. What makes him a little inferior to me, is that he's not quite as challenging as I think he should be and a few of his longer combos can feel a bit tacky and excessive. While I definitely see a lot of praise for Morgott as a character, I sometimes feel as though his fight and especially theme aren't really talked about enough though. Morgott is a perfect capper for the midgame of Elden Ring, just like how Margit is a perfect beginning, providing an extremely challenging but learnable fight that prepares the player for what's ahead. He, much like Radahn, is a boss worth nerfing myself for.

#5: Malenia,Blade of Miquella/Goddess of Rot

I feel like my placement of Malenia would be controversial no matter what. Understandably, seeing as she is maybe the single hardest boss in Fromsoftware's catalogue, Malenia is quite divisive and it even took me a couple attempts to finally start liking her. But this latest attempt, where I finally managed to best her without summons, was the one. While I do think Malenia can be really unfair at times, I can't deny that the duel with this master swordstress is a one-of-a-kind encounter. With an absolutely gorgeous theme, Malenia has wormed her way into my heart, despite all the trouble I've gone through while fighting her. My only, and obvious, gripe is that I feel as though her heal-on-hit-ability is a bit excessive and could have been substitued with a larger health pool, as I often found myself having a hard time hitting her when she was only a few hits away from death, when a simple mistake quickly undid a lot of my progress.

#6: Dragonlord Placidusax

Every Souls game needs it secret dragon, and more often then not, these fights end up being some of my favorites in the game and Placidusax is no exception. While I do prefer Midir overall, Placidusax is nothing if not a jaw-dropping spectacle with moves like the thundercloud form and lightning stake nuke. While not particularly hard, Placidusax manages to be fun and challenging regardless due to his robust defenses and high damage output. The only issue I've encountered is that the fight can drag on for a bit, and especially when her health is low, he will start teleporting all over the place, which can be a little annoying. Regardless, Placidusax is an absolute marvel of a boss and fits right in in a game so in love with making its fights cinematic spectacles without the use of cutscenes.

#7: Radagon of the Golden Order

For the purposes of this list, I'll be ranking Radagon and Elden Beast separately, as my opinions on them differ quite a bit. Radagon is an excellent final boss in my opinion, perfectly making use of the core fundamentals of every bosse's kit with a mix of heavy physical hits and ranged incantations. Him being quite challenging is a huge positive for me to, as I often feel as though the final bosses of souls games end up being needlessly easy and almost pathetic for narrative purposes. Additionally, genuinely no final bosse's theme, in any game I've played, has encapsulated the feeling of finality more than his, to the point of literally being called "The Final Battle." Radagon can be a bit unfair at times, but he is the perfect conclusion to your journey as Elden Lord.

#8: Godfrey, First Elden Lord/Hoarah Loux/Lord's Apparition

Godfrey is so effortlessly awesome. With a well telegraphed moveset, kickass presentation in the form of his cutscene and a gorgeous piece of music to accompany his fight, he is one of the most memorable encounters in the game and definitely the most popular boss overall for a good reason. However, I find myself having quite a hard time with him fairly consistently for some reason, which, while not his fault, does obviously impact my enjoyment of his fight overall. That's not too say I dislike it though, as I feel Godfrey's moveset is extremely satisfying to dodge and counter. Hoarah Loux on the other hand.... I don't know really. The fight against Hoarah Loux is too stressful for me to enjoy it long term and I mostly just try to reduce his health as much as I can before this phase triggers. That's not to say it's bad, I just don't enjoy the amount of grabbing going on as a result of Hoarah's very limited moveset. Overall, it doesn't stop me from loving Godfrey though, as Hoarah Loux rarely last very long anyway, and can be quite fun in small doses.

#9: Godrick the Grafted

Godrick is a really entertaining fight. His cutscenes, voice acting and presentation are on point and his mechanics definitely fit for the first shardbearer you'll be fighting on most playthroughs. I, however, often find myself struggling with dodging his moveset and often feel as though my victory is more a result of his fairly weak attack power and health pool. That doesn't mean I don't enjoy Godrick though, as I definitely do. Not only is he a fantastic first boss but I also find it quite fun from a narrative perspective that he's nowhere near as challenging as his.... great uncle? who's guarding his castle. I can't confidently rank him higher unfortunately, since Convergence and Godefroy have taught me that a tanky, high damage Godrick can be quite the piece of work.

#10: Beast Clergyman/Maliketh, the Black Blade

Oh boy, Maliketh. Quite the story with this one. I actually only properly started Elden Ring quite a long while after most of my friends had already beaten it and as such they were all EXTREMELY excited to see my reaction to this guy, especially seeing as his cutscene is a blatant reference to not only my favorite boss in bloodborne, but any game I've ever played, Ludwig. However, their expecations were met with harsh disappointment as Maliketh frustrated me to the point of actual tears and I had to resort to a cheese strategy using the Redmane Flames Ash of War. After giving the game a try or two more though, I've warmed up to Maliketh quite a bit. I do think he can be a little annoying with how mobile he is and don't really like how his fight will often just end up with him stalling and only surviving as long as he does due to you not being able to hit him, especially regarding his tiny health pool. Additionally, I also find Beast Clergyman quite annoying and wish the threshhold for phase 2 was moved up to 90 or 80% max rather than the 70 to 50% it's at currently. However, overall, I do still enjoy Maliketh and think his lore and presentation make up for my many gripes with his fight.

#11: Lichdragon Fortissax

The other major dragon fight of Elden Ring, Fortissax, doesn't hit quite as hard as Placidusax for me unfortunately. Undeniably awesome with his presentation and placed in a real scary arena, Fortissax ends up being quite overwhelming with his combination of deathblight clouds and red lightning. The latter definitely drags the fight down for me quite a bit, as I much prefer Placi's 4 timed strikes with much greater range and damage over Fortissax's constant shower of them. However, while I do have many gripes with this fight, I can't deny the concept of a death-riddled dragon protecting his former best friend is one of the coolest presented by Elden Ring and, lightning aside, Fortissax does show that the ancient dragons are actually really good, whereas every other encounter with them ends up being quite messy due to elevations really messing up their movesets in my eyes.

#12: Loretta, Knight of the Haligtree/Loretta, Carian Knight

In my opinion the MOST underrated boss in the game. Loretta is awesome, with a gorgeous armor set and a super fun take on the already pretty enjoyable Tree Sentinel moveset. Her greatbow spell drops are some of my favorites in the game to boot. Unfortunately, she does blend in a bit with all the other horse bosses (I blame the five-hundred Night's Cavalry) and ends up never being very challenging, but on paper, her moveset is well telegraphed and fun to dodge. My only gripe is that the Carian Phalanx and Glintstone Stars she begins casting when you move away can be a little bit annoying, but overall, Loretta is easily the best miniboss in the game in my opinion.

#13: Dragonkin Soldier of Nokstella

Another boss that I don't really feel gets a good amount of appreciation is the Dragonkin Soldier of Nokstella. Ignoring the one in the Lake of Rot, Dragonkin Soldiers are just really cool to me, both in lore and design, as well as their fight. Not only do you fight this one in what might be my favorite arena in the game visually, it also has a surprising and unique phase transition not seen in any of the other soldiers, with the Nokstella soldier sprouting wings and beginning to cast frozen lightning, which is one of the coolest magic concepts Elden Ring provides in my opinion. My only wish is that the second phase would trigger a lot sooner, as the boss is not very hard and often ends up dying before it gets time to shine.

#14: Rennala, Queen of the Full Moon

While I would agree Rennala is the best sorceror fight Fromsoft has provided thus far, I would not say that's a very difficult title to claim, nor is Rennala anything to write home about. Her first phase is quite simple but it is kind of fun to mow down rows upon rows of the juvenile scholars with a big weapon every now and then. Her second phase is fairly alright too, with Rennala not dishing out a ludicrous amount of damage and having a nice variety of sorceries to cast. A bit like Placidusax, I do sometimes find the fight drags on a bit as she stalls and relies on her summons rather than actually fighting you, but considering how easy she is, it's really no big deal. Of course I can't not mention her gorgeous arena, as it immediately made me think back to Bloodborne's Moonside lake, and anything that reminds me of Bloodborne gets a plus in my book.

#15: Commander Niall

Out of the 2 commander bosses, Niall is definitely the more standout one. Banished Knights suck and I hate them, so I'll try to look at Niall on his own, and I gotta say, I quite like him. His hitboxes can feel a bit over the top but that aside I think he's genuinely a really fun fight, and definitely the hardest miniboss the game has to offer in my opinion. His weapon, while absurd, is quite cool and definitely worth a try for those who want to focus on physical stats but still have the benefits of lightning damage, especially seeing as it scales with dexterity anyway. Niall definitely feels like a good pick to be guarding the last thing you need to enter the Haligtree.

#16: Magmawyrm Makar

While I often find myself annoyed with the other Magma Wyrms and their tendency to do little else besides their magma charge, Makar is quite a fun little miniboss in my opinion. The ruin-strewn precipice is a fairly cool little side area and Makar is a very good capper for it and an even better guardian for the Altus Plateau. His reveal is quite funny, but overall, I can't really say much about this boss, as his fight is just okay across the board. Nothing particularly annoying nor amazing to note, really.

#17: Regal Ancestor Spirit/Ancestor Spirit

The Ancestor Spirits are, in my opinion, mostly noteworthy for their gorgeous music and presentation, but their fights end up being quite lacklustre unfortunately due to a fairly limited movepool. They're not hard at all, with the Regal Spirit's only "challenge" coming from the hard to dodge roll it attains after absorbing a boar's soul and the health regen move it pulls out every now and then. Much like Makar, I can't really say I love, nor hate these two, but the Regal Spirit's aformentioned health regen does make it a bit more bothersome than Makar on occasion. Overall, their beautiful design and music do make them worth experiencing even despite their medicore fight.

#18: Godskin Noble

I found myself actually quite enjoying the Godskin Noble as of late, to the point I'd actually say they're a little overhated. The thrusting attacks feel nice to dodge but even better to block and counter but obviously it's far from perfect. Obviously his roll has gained infamy ever since the game came out and understandably so, but other moves such as its powerful thrust can also be a bit tough to work with. Other than that, Godskin Noble is a perfect example of a boss that is so perfectly alright that i don't have much else to praise it for nor complain about.

#19: Elden Beast

While also being kind of undeserving of all the hatred it receives, Elden Beast is very far from being a fun boss in my opinion. For starters, it is WAY too tanky, with half of its fight feeling like a sisyphean effort of slapping its chest until something finally happens. Additionally, its moveset feels very limited, especially for a final boss. Lastly, and most importantly, it does really bother me that in order to even be able to fight this extremely tanky boss, you have to beat another fairly difficult one beforehand every time, so it becomes a kind of unbearable endurance run in hopes of having enough ressources left to beat this fairly underwhelming boss. Its one redeeming feature comes in form of its truly breathtaking design, but otherwise, I can't say I'm a big fan.

#20: Astel, Naturalborn of the Void

Astel used to be in my Top 5 but he quickly fell out of favor after the Honeymoon phase of "Wow, they added a Bloodborne Great One to the end of my favorite character's quest line" wore off. Astel is, for lack of a better word, annoying. His wide range and tendency to fly above a lot of moves with his thin gangly body make him bothersome to approach and a lot of his attacks, such as waves of darkness, meteorite shower and the gravity ring just feel bad to dodge or get hit by. Astel is another boss whose main merit comes from presentation and design, but unfortunately, his fight is quite weak with very few redeeming qualities in my opinion.

#21: Godskin Apostle

This may be a bit of a hot take, but I've found myself struggling with Godskin Apostle a lot more than Noble, to the point I like it a fair bit less. His twinblade combos can be quite a hassle and he feels much more prolific with his usage of blackflame than the Noble. His blackflame tornado and weapon helicopter are also pretty annoying. Overall, I don't really enjoy the Godskin Apostle's fight, but it feels like more of a personal struggle than the boss actually being bad, hence its ranking.

#22: Mimic Tear

I really don't have much to say about this boss. It's hard to consistently judge as how fun or annoying it is entirely depends on how you approach it. Overall though, I do like the concept and it can be quite funny. Due to its inconsistency and me not really caring for NPC invaders in general though, I'll just put it as the cut-off point for bosses I just genuinely dislike.

#23: Godskin Duo

Godskin Duo isn't good, but it's not as bad as people say either in my opinion. Being made up of two pretty average bosses and especially after the balance patch to duo bosses, the Duo ends up just being a kind of whatever fight that can be a bit annoying sometimes. I really don't have much to say other than that. Guess I will use this spot to say how much I love the Godskin theme though.

#24: Draconic Tree Sentinel

I don't like this guy he looks like burnt chicken and waffles. I don't really have much to say about this guy either. His AoEs and Hitboxes can be real weird and annoying and I hate the horse fireball spam you will be subjected to if you even dare try to heal. He's just kind of a necessary evil, not really worth complaining about.

#25: Fire Giant

By far my least favorite remembrance boss, Fire Giant is everything people say is wrong with fromsoft's plethora of giant bosses. Not only do you just spend the entire time slapping its ankles, Fire Giant also has an absurdly massive health pool, and a boss that wastes your time will always annoy me more than one that gets you with cheap bullshit. While having a fantastic and underrated theme and really cool lore, I really don't enjoy fighting Fire Giant at all due to his large health pool and wide range AoEs.

#26: Elemer of the Briar

I can't stand this guy and I can't stand that there's like 8 of him. I really don't see where this "Elemer is the most underrated boss" idea came from, because I personally think Elmo deserves every bit of hate he gets. My girlfriend put it perfectly when she said "Elemer has a punish for you existing", because it really does feel like he can counter everything you do, no matter if you're healing, jumping, casting or attacking. While it's cool that his sleek sword is the reward for fighting him, I really don't enjoy the battle with Elemer at all.

#27: Leonine Misbegotten

Genuinely how do you make Gael, Dark Souls' greatest boss in my opinion, so fucking unbearable. With a non stop barrage of overly staggering sword swings, Leonine Misbegotten is without fail an insanely annoying fight for me. Its arena is really cool but that is about the only positive I can give it. I already don't like Castle Morne, nor the Grafted Blade and Leonine Misbegotten really doesn't help either of their cases.

#28: Valiant Gargoyles

Like I said before, Godskin Duo isn't as bad as actually say. Valiant Gargoyles, on the other hand, might somehow be worse, despite nobody being able to stand them anyway. I really don't have anything of note to add to the conversation about this god awful fight and writing about these bosses I hate is already draining enough, so I'll just move on.

#29: Red Wolf of Radagon

While I do think from a game design perspective, Valiant Gargoyles and Gideon are worse, Red Wolf frustrates me more than anything else. Not only is it a cheap attempt at making Dark Souls fans rejoice by reusing scrapped content from 3 that's obviously reminiscent of one of the most memorable fights in the first game, Red Wolf is also just really annoying, with its overy long combos and tendency to avoid attacks by jumping around aimlessly. The only saving grace is it's tiny health pool, but that still requires you hit it to begin with, which, unfortunately, isn't always a given. Red Wolf just pisses me off in a way I can't really properly describe but at least it's over quick most of the time.

#30: Sir Gideon Ofnir, the All-Knowing

Not only is Gideon a massive cunt, his boss fight also sucks. Being everything wrong with both NPC invaders and sorceror bosses, Gideon is one unbearable spam sandwich of spells that more than likely will kill you in 2 shots. Gideon has genuinely no redeeming qualities that affect his fight and there is a very good reason everyone uses his admittedly pretty cool monologue to instantly bumrush him the second they pass the fog gate. Gideon's fight really is a huge letdown considering how much of a despicable cunt he is, but I suppose there wasn't really a better way to do it. Regardless, I hate fighting Gideon. It's cheap, annoying, unfair and rewards you with a subpar weapon. If he wasn't mandatory nobody would be fighting this guy.

[beevean]

NFCV's version of Devil Forging frustrates me, because the changing it to an art that combines necromancy with alchemy (Animating dead bodies while altering their form into a new creature) isn't exactly a terrible change, cause that sounds exactly like the kind of technique that Dracula would create/teach, given his origin in alchemy and status as an undead wizard. But instead it's just another pointless change, because NFCV completely destroyed those potential connections, since Dracula's backstory is completely different and he no longer has any real connection to Devil Forging like he did in the game.

Yeah, it's one of those changes that I find perfectly neutral, except for a few details.

Changing Forging from an alchemical process to full blown necromancy makes perfect sense, and it's exactly that kind of blasphemous art that would get them shunned from the human world. It's creepy, it's gross, it's utterly disrespectful to the deceased, it defies God's creed. The last part especially would fit our good Dracula "wife dead, i will become an immortal hellish creature to spite god himself" Tepes like a glove lol.

Furthermore, I appreciate the intent to nerf Forgemasters lmao. In the games, they're basically demigods: they only need some stones and gems to forge any creature they want, and there you go. Plus, they're beasts in hand-to-hand combat as well. In the show, they need material, and they need their special tool: without them, they're powerless. Well, they were supposed to be powerless, judging by their S2 stats: we know that Isaac quickly became an untouchable Gary Stu while Hector was kept completely incompetent and even a worse Forgemaster than his colleague :^) but it's a good idea, certainly better than having Sypha be the Avatar just because she's OP in CV3 lol

I also liked the idea of Isaac studying as an adult, while Hector was born a prodigy. The idea could have been that Isaac understood precisely what he was getting into, while Hector was burdened with this terrible power, it's all he knows, and he never thought too deeply about it, hence his cavalier attitude regarding death.

The thing that bothers me the most is that Devil Forging is common in the NFCVverse. Isaac didn't study under Dracula, he just... studied on his own in the desert. Devil Forgemasters have been a thing since forever - St. Germain mentions a book written by one 200 years prior. Vampires know all about Devil Forging. Magic users know all about Devil Forging. And in Nocturne is even worse. It really cheapens this art: magic as powerful and terrible such as necromancy shouldn't be this widespread. I would have accepted the idea of Dracula lying to Hector to hire him if he truly, truly didn't have a better choice, because yeah Hector is not up to mass slaughter and that's an issue but he is the best help he can get. What stopped Dracula from going to, say, Miranda? What, did he avoid Italy? :P

And, personally (although sadly I understand why Ellis wouldn't know about it since it's obscure knowledge), my favorite part of Devil Forging in the games is that Dracula gave part of his power to Hector and Isaac.

The two are intrinsically linked to him now. They are his creations, in a way. They owe their power to him. It's another step towards their dehumanization. Plus, it's a nice reminder that Dracula used to be an alchemist in life: he's passing on his own old knowledge, albeit twisted, to his students.

So you can imagine why the mere idea of a Devil Forging machine feels like an insult :^)

[versegm]

Yo for your fanfic director's cut, tell me about your fave MashMorgan you have written. (If you don't have a fave, then uhh the Hanahaki one where Mash eats the flowers)

I DO HAVE A FAVORITE ACTUALLY i think Catalyst is the best mashmorgan fic I wrote tbh, which was kickstarted by this long-ass comment I got on Cleaning Bones

Okay so I told you before that in fate lore, a catalyst is something related to a specific hero, which you use to ensure you'll summon them specifically (for exemple, Astolfo's catalyst in Fate/Apocrypha is the bottle of their lost wit.) The basic idea of this fic is: if you carried off your ex's bones in a fit of grief and it called them to Chaldea. Would it be fucking awkward or what.

Morgan canonically manages to highjack the Chaldea summoning system to get a beach vacation in one event. Btw.

I'm just... really proud of this specific bit. Of course Mash is lying by arguing that Morgan might be here out of the goodness of her heart. But at the same time, she DOES genuinely believe Morgan to be a good person, because that's the person she's come to know back then. Meanwhile, Morgan 1) believes herself evil and 2) cannot comprehend the idea of anyone seeing her as anything but evil. So originally Morgan interprets it as a joke, and then, when faced with the possibility that maybe she might be good, she just goes "Hm. I don't like that. Anyways."

Also notice how Mash refers to her as the "Winter Queen" here instead of "Morgan." It's a purposeful jab here, kinda like "well ok if you're gonna call me out on my shit I'm not gonna keep referring to you on a friendly first name basis."

Love my bitch Morgan who reacts to any vaguely inconvenient emotion by just not processing them. Oh you kept pieces of my corpses? Well that is horrifying. I'm going to pretend that didn't happen now bye.

God. Like. Okay. Morgan's entire thought process (and it's upped up as a Berserker) is that she has very strict rules regarding how she interacts with the world. It literally does not matter if she hates you or if you're an enemy. If you didn't breach her rules, she won't hurt you. So here, carrying her bones is definitly a weird flex, but Morgan rationalizes it as "well, fair enough ig" which is why she refuses to engage with it from an emotional point of view. You earned that right. Enjoy it it well.

Morgan is constantly associated with water/rain/lakes/winter/ice so anytime I write her I gotta go ham on my metaphors :)

Notice that she's back to referring to that girl as "Mash" rather than "Sir Kyrielight."

Sir Galahad, in Arthuriana & Fate lore, is often considered to be the "purest" of the round table, as the only bitch who actually managed to grab the grail. That's why Morgan calls specifically upon Galahad here; she's contrasting the one who was sinless vs the truly unhinged move that is keeping pieces of someone's dead body.

Morgan does not believe there is anything good or virtuous about her. She is constantly trying to convince herself that her every actions are for selfish purposes. So it's fucking wild to her. To think that once upon a time, she had been loved. Once upon a time, she could have loved back strongly enough to nerf herself about it.

[boxwinebaddie]

Miss Ninaa!! When are you free for the summer???

hello, sweetling! and good morning, good afternoon or good night wherever it is that you are. <3 regardless of the time of day, please just know that the world around you is brighter bc you're in it. c':

so i just want to start out by saying that i know i say this a lot...but i cannot tell you what it means to me that you guys care enough about me to be curious about the trajectory of my offline life.

...like, i really just have the sweetest anons in the world, huh? ;-;

i feel unbelievably blessed and count my lucky stars everyday because of each and everyone of you. thank you for being your lovely, lovely selves and caring not only about me as a person but my silly and strange au styles from hell.

speaking of, i am aware that it does not seem like it because of how sporadically i post ncu related content ( if at all ) but i am trying to work on some stuff...as you know well by now, i like to really take my time putting out my work because the quality of the content that you read is paramount to me. you are all far too near and dear to my heart to receive lame, rushed, unclear boof ass content from me.

like...i simply will not do it. thank you for your paitence.

( i will say that i am specifically working on an ask about the greenhouse kiss which AAAAAA giggling, twirling my hair and kicking my feet, like it is SOOOOO satisfying, holy shit! it's also very, very important to the plot which is why i have been taking my time on it. i do hope to put it out today but i am trying not to make promises that i can't keep, get your hopes and dreams up just to dash them and most unfortunately, i do not have a great track record in that regard. i know it's kind of a bummer...but i like to be honest w/ y'all. )

ANYWAYS!

without further ado, here's a little glimpse into my life. xx

again, thank you for asking...that is very cute of you. c': <333

( this is lengthy and lowkey irrelevant. you can absolutely skip this but i think that i am pretty informative in here, so it might be useful? idk. )

so actually, my summer is pretty busy and jam-packed for the most part! or, the first two months are, at least. because i decided to take on summer camp here at the school i work on! camp counsellor nina!

i decided to nab a summer camp supervising position for a couple of reasons. like, obviously, teaching does not pay that much, so really, i need to make all the money i can while i can. don't worry about me tho, guys. bc actually am doing extremely well for myself. <333

( i am a very lucky person, haha -- god nerfed me by being mentally ill, but did make me pretty and personable...which gets me far in life. on the topic of mental illness [ of which i am very ] today i should fare quite well bc other than having a mild headache and being lowkey naseous because my mood stabilizer has that side effect for me...it is worth it when i rem(ember) to take it because it makes me very calm and level, so i am better at responding to my asks/doing my tasks. )

another reason is it keeps me busy...when i am not constantly busy, i get very depressed and fall into gnarly sprials. my job has a lot of downtime and when i am not running around like crazy because a bunch of teachers are out, i'm bored as fuck and i get lazy or restless.

very lame...this summer, i will be looking for a different job ( fml, if you are my boss, don't read this ) and i am a bad procrastinator so i missed the deadline for a fuck ton of teaching positions, but hopefully i can find something in the realm of associate or assistant teaching because....lmao, point and laugh but i am still a little too nervous to teach a whole class by myself. if kids get disadvantaged academically because i am too incompetent at teaching, i will die.

but yeah...if i am still babysitting fourteen year olds after this ( they did grow on me, but it's really not my speed ) please also point and laugh because i would rather go back to retail...yes, i am desperate.

on the subject of teaching kids that are in my wheelhouse and doing stuff my speed, summer camp is actually all k-5 so i will FINALLY being doing a majority of my teaching in the age group that i have my literal credential in. YAY! it's going to be hot as shit where i am over the summer, probably also tiring as shit ( have you seen how little kids act in the summer? ) but i am so fkn exCITED to work with the littles HEEEEELLL YES, BROTHER! uncle nina will be Vibing! <333

so for the first four weeks i am doing general camp stuff, getting a feel for stuff and wokring with all the grade levels...but the LAST two weeks, i get to specifically associate teach in the kindergarten classroom and AAAAAAAA!!!!! I FKN LOVE THE KINDERS!!!!! i visit them every other day because, again, i am bored as shit and they need help over there so i usually hang out with them in PE and play hula hoop tag with them...rn they are learning how to jump rope. soooo stinking cute, oh my god.

-- BUT YES I AM SOOOOO FREAKING STOKED YOU GUYS LIKE I WAS MADE FOR THIS BROTHER. i am gonna wear so many crazy outfits and do such weird makeup pray it doesn't melt off my face.

also, during camp, they go on little field trips and things, hopefully swimming, ( uncle nina is mermaid nina ) and feed you the same stuff as the campers so i get to eat like a nasty frat boy and have pizza and pasta and stuff, which, let me tell you, i am genuinely stoked because they cater a free lunch for the faculty here everyday and it's supposed to be all fancy and shit...but there is a reason it's free because it is SOOOO mid. like it really is kind of ass. i don't know how they do that.

but, sigh, camp is only six weeks so i have to fill my time with other stuff ( also i guess that means in six weeks from when school is done on june...14th, i think? i am free? ) i hope to use that time to structure the fuck out of my life, planf or the future because i am hella bad at it and i hope to do a lot of writing! kind of a pipe dream at this point becaue all my stuff has been *british tolkien vc* actual shite and i can't finish anything...but maybe when i feel better, writing will come easier? when i am less busy and stressed? i hope so. and i hope you guys are still around if i am here but i Completely understand if you are not! it's been a long, bumpy ride. you did your dues and you are free to step off at any time. again, i do not blame you. i am annoying.

BUT YEAH! that's my summer for you! summer camp, hanging out with my cat ( her name is lily, she is very beautiful, very kind, very fluffy and dumb as rocks but she is my babygirl ), getting lots of sushi, going to the thrift store, doing self care stuff, doing less self harm in various odd forms specifically in the form of self sabotage, getting my life together and organized, finding a new job, bettering myself and the world, being kind, entertaining all of you and hopefully writing again! yay! i'll update you as much as i can.

and please, please, pleeeease update me on your lives! i know i don't always respond, but i read everything. my friend who won FIRST PLACE for her raven sculpture, I AM SO PROUD OF YOU BABY. my friends who unfortunately went through breakups, i am so sorry, please know it is their loss, you are stronger for it and i hope you heal, but if ravesey can...you can baby. also proud of my various friends going to college and my friends that are not! my friends toiling through their lame jobs and my friends who are dipping their toes in the world of creativity through writing, drawing expressing yourself! i love, love, LOVE you! thank you for sharing your lives with me.

( speaking of friends, i am specifically hoping to spend my summer bonding with my rant girlies and we made a little group chat and we are being so funny and chaotic and unhinged. i love them all so bad. )

BUT YEAH! thank you for asking my love! look out for some important in character asks, hopefully some finished or more distinguished writing and know that if i am not responding or posting, it is not because i lost interest...as you can see, i am very busy, especially as the school year approaches an end, my summer is a little busy, i fall into ugly manic/depressive cycles and am working on taking care of myself...offline. thank you for understanding.

and thank you for being here! you are troopers, forreal! you are angels and saints for putting up for me and enduring me never posting or posting really chaotic weird stuff. i love you. thanks for caring. <3

i love you and i hope you heal,

uncle nina, future ceo of glamour girl summer camp <3

P.S. i am specifically working on developing and post more about my other aus because i want to give you some variety and challenge myself to do stuff out of my comfort zone! so if you are excited at all about the tsot/tfbw nina stuff, please make some NOOOOISE! lol and if you are not i totally get it, but if you could give me gentility and grace, i would appreciate it because i'm insecure abt it. MWAH!

[vermanaward]

huh. savage unlock april 4th, 6.4 end of mayish, sooner than i was expecting but im not complaining

been doing uwu with a friend's static and it's going p well. knockbacks continue to be my nemesis, but touch wood i seem to have been getting the hang. i haven't been to pf much but i think i will need to tho just to practice titan.

still undecided what im doing for next tier. might just stick with caster with the proviso i will switch around in that role as my mood (and performance) take me. the up side of having an alt is that if i want to go melee or god forbid tank i can always pf on teg to get it out of my system.

idr if i posted about them yet but the dol/doh relics are nice, i love the detailing in the wood. the fsh rod has some nice dtailing on the wheel too but it gets a bit lost in the crystal. the btn axe is cute as hell too. the bonus for fsh is kinda bad ngl but hopium is that the fact its 'adaptive' means i might be able to pick a better one with a future step. the dream would be +reel rate of big fish, since unless they nerf the fuck out of AA (pls do not nerf the fuck out of AA) anything regarding gp feels a little pointless to me. but i don't see that being an option, alas. stupid slippy egg. stupid slippy priest.

[salsalvador]

Now that the gen 9 games have been out for a bit, I think I can say with confidance that the two most underwhelming new Pokémon for me (outside of the overall underwhelming bug types (god I love bug types)) are probably Revaroom and Garganacl, and I just want to talk about them and how they could be better

For Garganacl, the funny Minecraft desert temple mon, the idea of a Pokémon that kinda is it’s own psuedotype, with signature moves and an ability that allows it to have its own specific strengths and weaknesses, but isn’t diverse enough from another given type or there arnt enough examples of Pokémon with strengths and weaknesses like Garganacl to officially be considered it’s own type, I think that’s a very solid idea for a Pokémon, however, my major problem with its execution is that it ONLY HAS STRENGTHS! It’s resistant to ghost type moves and it’s signature attack is strong against water types, no weaknesses, and this I feel makes Garganacl probably one of the more extreme examples of Pokémon in the new generation being super strong for no fucking reason, but unlike other meta staples like the dolphin or the dondozo/tatsiguiri duo I feel like they made Garganacl rediculously strong at the detriment of its gimmick, and I hope in a later gen or even a patch to scarlet and violet they give its “salt” subtype some weaknesses to make it more of a subtype and less of a “hey have what’s just objectively a better rock type in terms of defensive typings lmao”

As for Revaroom, my criticisms of it are more of a tremendous missed oppertunity, and that is in the fact that you, as the player, can’t coustomize it, witch is kinda the point of cars/trucks a lot of the time, isn’t it? That’s why everyone hates Ferrari, and it probably wouldent have even crossed my mind if team star didn’t have their own coustom mega revarooms with their own unique typings, as well as the fact that revarooms base form is kinda underwhelming, likely intentionally, as it’s just a car frame and an engine, imagine how cool it would be to change the forms of your Revaroom a la rotom where each form has its own unique stats and maybe even unique typings, or they could do it like furfrou where all the coustomizations are purely cosmetic, I honestly don’t care, just let me make my cool little polluter look cool, also, regarding this grievance with Revaroom, I think it makes it so I’ll like Revaroom a lot more in roleplay scenarios then in any of the games itself, me and my friends are planning a Pokémon plot in the near future and I’m already kinda exited to see if I can attach a Revaroom onto one of my characters teams, and maybe have them outfit it as a representation of said characters personality and how said character influances their Pokémon team,

TL:DR: nerf Garganacl and make Revaroom like furfrou but not dogshit competitively, or have these forms gain a competitive difference like rotom or castform, I can vibe with either

[thekaijudude]

So, why is it despite all their INSANE GOD LEVELS OF POWER, Ultra’s from M78 are so venerable to extreme cold?

I mean they're not omnipotent at the end of the day

Im presuming youre more specifically referring to the Ultra Brother-Tier Ultras which even in the grand scheme of the M78 populace, are probably on the more junior ranks considering Ken is like 160 000 years old compared to the oldest Ultra Brother being Zoffy at 25 000 years old (might be 30 000+ depends on how u infer the flashback in UGF2). So clearly there are ultras that are far stronger than this tier with ages ranging from 30 000-150 000 years old which would probably have a higher resistance to low temperatures or perhaps even some that have specialties like Ultraman's resistance to electricity, being totally resistant to low temperatures

And besides, the fact that they can still survive in the cold temperatures in space (which is about 2.7K btw) which is already no small feat. This means that only temperatures below Absolute Zero (0K, which is physically impossible) can affect them.

But this question is well asked as we inferred this based on the first Zero movie where the entire planet basically got frozen over. But based on what I said above, I suspect that the consequence of the loss of the Plasma Spark isnt simply the planet's temperature rapidly dropping to the same temperature as the surrounding space (essentially just achieving thermodynamic equilibrium) because as we have established, they can clearly survive in the cold temperatures of space.

What I suspect is that a far more complicated mechanism is in play here regarding the Plasma Spark's function. Even within the movie and further elaborated upon by Toregia in UGF2, the Plasma Spark isnt simply an artificial sun, but it is also a source of the Ultras' power, being exposed to Differator Rays.

It seems that the region of space specifically surrounding the Land of Light has a much lower temperature than the average space temperature

This would explain why without an extraterrestrial source of heat, thermodynamic equilibrium was achieved so rapidly.

As for why? Ngl its probably just a plotpoint

But this wouldnt explain exactly why Mebius and Zero, who were not on the planet then, werent affected by the loss of the Plasma Spark. Which leads me to believe that Ultras may potentially have to "connect" themselves with the Plasma Spark when their on their main planet. Think sort of like in order to operate at a specific performance, a specific battery is needed, like on the LoL. But say if Ultras are on missions off world, they switch to another battery to operate at a different performance.

So when u suddenly remove the massive battery that most of the Ultras are using or "plugged-into" in a sense, it causes a sudden stasis condition, whereas Ultras that werent on the planet werent affected.

We saw that Ultraman and Seven were able to erect their barriers and likely kept them active throughout their activity on the planet to protect them for the sudden loss of Differator Rays. Might actually be the reason why they were nerfed to minimize their outflow and maximize their activity time.

So likely either they just came back from off-world missions and havent yet "plugged into" the Plasma Spark reservoir or they were simply fast enough to switch.

This of course implies a much more complicated mechanism of how the Plasma Spark, Differator Rays and the LoL works but all these are probably just plotpoints that were conveniently written tbh

Thanks for the question!

[yonemurishiroku]

Heyyy what are your thoughts on the title of nico's book and the plot in general (pls i want a rant

I love you conteud btw

Omg this ask akxhakdhsksj hold on just let me show you this. So, this is my post:

And the reblogs:

LMAO believe me this is so funny istg. Why? Because that is exactly how I feel about the title.

- First, I’m gonna be perfectly honest here, I’m NOT comfortable with the Adventure part.

Because the same as @gods-nico, I don’t like how it downplays Nico’s physical and mental trauma as a… field trip. Yeah let’s just go with that.

I’m aware of my enthusiasm for angst materials, but this is just a little too much for me. I have always seen Tartarus as a forever deep, unfixable, indelible scar to Nico’s body and mind (i came up with a disable Nico AU based on that. like, srsly). He suffers from it and never manages to fully escape. It’s terrible. It’s nightmarish. We’ve all seen how difficult it was for Percy and Annabeth to trek through it. Tartarus is not, by any mean, someplace one would wish to explore in a freaking adventure.

It’s like saying all the horrors they’ve gone through down there are actually magical wanders. Or tourist attractions. Something along that line. Please, just. No. Don’t do that to me.

In fact, the sole reason Nico wants to come back to Tartarus is because he loves his friend Bob too much to leave him. It’s a rescue mission. They’re jumping head first in a hellhole to save Nico’s friend, not go sightseeing and definitely not a picnic. 😦😦💀💀

I’m saying this with utmost respect: the fact that the title practically sugarcoats Tartarus and dismisses Nico’s dedication to his friend upsets me.

- However, as much as I ‘value’ Nico’s trauma, I’m also amazed by his strength and ofc, eager to see more of it. That’s to say, I wholeheartedly wish to see Nico conquer Tartarus.

I’ve said it once and I’d say it again: I love both Nico’s sufferings and toughness.

Nico would be powerfully beautiful standing up against one of his deepest trauma, all resilient, unafraid and unrelenting. He manages to overcome his fears and thus, is finally able to heal fully. (Nico di Angelo deserves to goddamned heal)

This is the only scenario in which I indulge a less terrible Tartarus, not because the hellhole itself is any more lenient, but that Nico has become much, much stronger. And with the help of his boyfriend, they’re enough to fight it and win.

It’d be absolutely splendid. And I’m nothing if not a powerful Nico enthusiast.

It’s many things coming at once. Nico’s resolve. His resilience. Will’s support. His love. Their love. All of them get Nico another step closer to his happy ending. And what kind of Nico’s self-proclaimed mother would I be if I’m not forever grateful for that?

When I see Nico win over Tartarus, it’d be thanks to his inner strength and everything he’d managed to gain by himself, NOT because the hell itself is ridiculously nerfed weak.

That’d be the true prove to Nico’s astounding character development.

- Regarding the Sun vs Star part, we’re probably talking pretty lively about it so I’ll just skip it lolol it’s 1:30am.

Moving to the plot.

- I’m genuinely excited to see Bob again, not only because I adore his and Nico’s friendship but also I want to see how his character development would progress, provided that Iedeptus’ memories show signs of coming back. And ofc, how that would affect the friendships he’s made with the demigods.

This is the closest, most detailed I get to see of Nico interacting with a side-character. Exactly what I’ve been harboring a special liking for.

Bob isn’t a popular character. And when some beloved unpopular character of mine gets the spotlight, I’m more than thrilled.

- But again, the title “Adventure” does dump a bucket of cold water on it. I’d be extremely disappointed if Nico’s rescue mission turns out to be a children’s walk in the wild park. Hopefully not.

- Ofc, Will Solace. How a healer like him is gonna fend for himself and keeps Nico from physically/ mentally deteriorating at the same time really intrigues me.

I don’t have specific expectations for Will like plague abilities etc, but still I’m genuinely looking forward to see how Rick and Mark would work it out for him. A well-built background for him would be nice, too - I’m aware a lot of us love Will on a spiritual level - but I’d have no problem to be sufficed by a Nico-centric story.

It’d be lovely if through Will, we have the connection to Apollo/ Lester as the protagonist of the previous series, as well.

- Frankly, Will Solace and Solangelo practically have the most potentials LOL. They are both unexplored/ poorly-portrayed fields that hold a lot of materials to work on. And I know for a fact that a large number of loyal fans would want to feast in it.

I only hope they’re well-written and logical. If Solangelo turns out to be forced and poorly-written I might just bury myself.

That’s all I’ve got to say at the moment, I guess.

For the outro, just let me establish that, while I may have some qualms with the title, I’d refrain from commenting on and spreading information about the book itself - as long as it isn’t published yet.

A title doesn’t say everything about a book, so I’d like to keep the expectations/ worries in check while everything is still veiled. What I rant about the title does not stand for how I judge the book. We’ll get to it when I’ve actually read the final work itself.

Lastly, sincerely thank you, anon, for this ask!!! 🥺🤩👍 I get to rant freely lol. Even when you might have opposing opinions to mine, please feel free to send more asks if you want to discuss more! (´▽｀) I’m open to everything except hate, really.

Have a nice day, and I hope none of us would be disappointed when the book comes out.

[literaphobe]

Now that we know that Dream and Tommy ARE going to be on a team (THANK YOU SCOTT FINALLY WE LOVE YOU), what would you said the best approach they should take in regards to leadership, training, etc? Basically what do you think could lead them to a win?

hm ok take this w a pinch of salt tho bc we don’t know if they’re adding new/readding any old games:

games they should avoid: DEF buildmart, holy fucking shit at no point should they EVER play this game, idc SKIP IT!! istg i WILL trend neg this team has some of the biggest build mart haters n im worried bc there are several teams w no strong pvpers so build mart is possible it CANNOT be played esp not second half oh jesus. mcc17 CC is worse than mcc16 PP at buildmart too

ig they could also skip HITW? idk, now’s not the time to put dream’s HITW destiny to the test. game’s still too glitchy, unpredictable. and what follows will be my advice for the other games ig?

sky battle: this game is a potential record breaker for them if they play it right but im conflicted on How they should play it. imo dream needs to stay w his team and not do PP16’s strat bc the lava bucket has been removed so the whole taking a team out early thing is not gonna work. they need the whole team to stay together or they’re getting owned which happened low key, dream only got 5th bc he’s a very good pvper, he should’ve been doing better than that tbh n would’ve if he didn’t send bad off for 1v4s And if he didn’t rush off for kills n tunnel vision on george (when he didn’t kill h n went for george anyway only to get owned by captainsparklez bc low health that PAINED me)

sky battle part 2: anyway as for tommy… usually they are on opposing teams n tommy’s rushing in at the end thing frustrates dream but would it be what they need to get a huge lead this time? tommy is v much agent of chaos wild card w his plays, and it makes me wonder if dream should play into it/come clean up after, aka dream follows tommy’s lead and is his right hand man rather than the other way around. i do think they need to be careful early game tho, looking out for sapnap/george/tubbo, fruitninja, quig, punz etc. keeping together n not taking risky kills early is something they should do esp in round one. idk what else they can do tbh

battle box: my advice will be very map dependent n idk the map yet, but they need ponk n karl to defend wool (fill in everything except one) and dream and tommy either need to take one lane each, rush together for kills, or bow from afar. hopefully luck is on their side too for this

tgttosawaf: tommy ponk and karl NEED to listen to dream and NOT punch anyone. oh my god i am on my knees. the punch tier lists r very funny but they need to listen also dream and tommy need to do bridging n karl n ponk hopefully can follow thats all i can hope for. n dream needs to get out of his own head about terra swoop force the more scared he does the worse he will do

parkour tag: p straight forward. dream runs 4 times, tommy runs 4 times, ponk runs once. don’t get tagged n tag the others fast etc they have the potential to do even better than PP16 did bc i think tommy’s a p good hunter

sands of time: they need to prepare ponk to explore n what to watch out for, n make sure karl is up to date w everything sand keepers can and need to do in SoT bc he should be sand keeper. dream and tommy need to be careful n also maintain communication

survival games: stick together, idk the map but they shouldn’t go where it would be hard to reach other teams (imo roof strat wasn’t a good idea for pink last mcc) but they also shouldn’t risk confronting a full team etc etc, dream and tommy need to be on the same page

ace race: dream needs to aim for 1st, he needs to hit those skips that noxcrew hopefully won’t try to nerf even more since they’re hard to hit anyway, i don’t think the others should try the skip, tommy could get top 10 if he keeps his cool bc he has the mechanical ability for it, i think ponk has top20 potential, and karl can hopefully get top 25

grid runners: hm not much to advise on here, they know the maps now, so they p much know what to do but there could be new stuff ig? not a big threat they should do okay

dodgebolt: UHHH BE CAREFUL. dream don’t fall into the lava. same strat dream always does. order is prob dream tommy ponk karl. i hope they don’t go against a strong dodgbolt team

[gureishi]

dude okay so this is kinda specific and also probably not very original or anything ekdbsisj

but-

how do you think saeyoung would react/feel if (during the apartment days), his MC started crying (or almost) after that one (or maybe two? cant remember, and im only halfway through day 7 on the current playthroygh) time where he just... got really mad n yelled... hhh his expression was scary,,

getting yelled out is already a lil agitating for me... and I know i would be automatically already a lil sensitive cos i would be nervous from the last few days (rsd would nerf me) -- meaning i would be a lil more emotional/easily affected than usual ;;;

on top of that ive never had a guy yell at me djvdjdj so it would be a lil scary, i wont lie.

wanna clarify: the crying wouldn't be on purpose lol, i would definitely try n hide it. easier said then done though... OTL

jsvfsh this is so long n specific n kinda personal to me?? im sure im not alone regarding the general idea though. anyways jdbdjs sorry lolol-

and im jus asking for your thoughts or maybe HCs? whichever you feel works best!

also sorry if we've talked about this before i have a bad memory-

[417]

btw ur amazing love u

Love you too dear Four! And oh boy do I relate to this. I do not handle being yelled at well and would, without a doubt, cry multiple times in this scenario (/ω＼)

Saeyoung reacting to his MC crying in the apartment 

He’s never felt like this before. He sort of thought he’d been through it all: wrung every last bit of love and fear and desperation out of himself till there was nothing left but the things that make him useful: his clever hands and his brilliant (weary) mind.

When you speak to him so tenderly—hovering just at the edge of his space, eyes full of something he can’t (won’t) identify—he feels like his heart is too big for his body, and he can’t think straight, or see straight, or make his miserable mind form the words he needs to say to you.

He’s angry because he can’t understand why you’re gazing at him that way, like you’d do anything to ease the pounding in his skull; he’s angry because none of his words are getting through to you, and he doesn’t know how to make you understand that he’s not the person he made you believe he was. And he is angry because he knows, without a doubt, that he’s in far too deep already, and that if anything were to happen to you now, his desperate heart would break for good.

He knows how to lie (it is, in his opinion, the only real skill he has)—so he does. He tells you he wishes you’d leave him alone—tells you to stay away—tells you he feels nothing for you at all. He raises his voice (but oh, as the stinging words tear from his throat his heart wants to crawl out of his skin and throw itself into your arms).

You say nothing. Good, he thinks; and he forces his attention back to his screen (eyes blurry, hands shaking). He hears the sound of your footsteps as you retreat to the farthest corner of the apartment, and something inside him seems to go with you—since the very first time he heard your voice, he thinks, a part of him is always with you. With every day that goes by, that part gets bigger: soon, there will be nothing left of him at all.

With his eyes trained on the screen (and most of his attention on you), he hears the tiny sounds you’re making: shifting, he thinks at first, getting comfortable. Maybe even going to sleep.

But no: you are so quiet only somebody with senses that have been heightened from years of training (years of hiding, and fleeing, and fighting for his life) would hear. But there’s a whimper—a vague, almost indistinct sniffling.

Oh no. Oh god.

Oh god oh god oh god.

Years of agency training have taught him to turn his back on people who are begging, or whining, or crying—but he’s never been any good at it.

And this is you: and his scrambled mind races, his heart drumming so loud against his ribs he is sure you can hear it. He would, he thinks wildly, do absolutely anything in the world to never hear you make such a miserable sound again.

Before he realizes what he’s doing, he stands. The room spins; he’s weak, and hungry, and angry, and scared; his stomach is in knots and the darkened room seems to tilt sideways around him. 

You don’t seem to have noticed that he’s moved; you’re hiding your face in your shirt, back turned to him—and you are still (so very still). He doesn’t remember how to breathe.

“Uh...” he says, and the sound echoes horribly in the dull, sparsely furnished room. You say nothing. He clears his throat, takes an unsteady step toward you. He’s not thinking rationally anymore—not thinking about scaring you off, or keeping you safe. All he wants is to see that look in your eyes again: that soft one, the one that makes his hands and feet feel too big and his skin seem to burn and his breath catch in his throat.

“Are, uh...are you okay?” he rasps. You’re still ignoring him, which is a first; your face is turned away, so he goes to your side, kneeling on the floor beside you. You sniffle. He feels like his heart is going to burst.

“Yeah,” you say—and unlike him, you are not such a good liar. Without meaning to, he reaches for you: finds his fingers (of their own accord) doing what they’ve been itching to do since the moment he first laid eyes on you. He touches your hair—brushing it off your face, tucking it behind you ear.

Your eyes, he thinks (fiercely, irrationally): he needs to see your eyes.

“Don’t believe you,” he says. With a sigh of exasperation, you turn to him: oh, and your eyes are blazing, red-rimmed. And he is the one who has done this to you—he is the monster who has made you suffer.

His mind seems to have driven itself into the ground. Suddenly, he can’t remember how to do anything at all.

But his body moves of its own accord, because his heart has always been eons ahead of his (brilliant and foolish) mind.

“Hey,” he finds himself murmuring, brushing your cheek with his rough fingertips (and he knows he shouldn’t, but now that he’s here, he is finding it almost impossible to resist). “I know,” he says, without even quite understanding what he means. “I know.”

You watch him; and there it is again—just for a moment, that softness deep in your eyes that sets him on fire.

“I’m sorry,” he says, the words springing to his lips before his brain can get in his way. “I’m so, so...I didn’t mean to...I never...”

You shake your head, and your hair falls into your eyes again. He brushes it back, finding that there is nothing—nothing—in the world quite as wonderful as the feeling of your warm skin under his fingers.

“I get it,” you tell him. “You don’t need to apologize.”

“I can’t...” He makes himself take a deep breath, and regrets it instantly as his senses are flooded by the warm, enticing scent of you. He feels you all around him now. “I didn’t mean it,” he says quietly. “Please. I can’t stand to see you making that face.”

You force a watery laugh, and the effort you are making for him is almost too much. His mind races. For a moment, he imagines how it would feel to wrap your small body in his arms—to press his lips to your temple and feel your heart beating against his skin.

“How’s this?” you say. You offer him a passable impression of a smile, and he wants to throw himself at your feet.

“Terrible,” he says. You laugh, and it sounds a tiny bit more believable this time. You are looking at him, and there it is again: that softening in your eyes that makes him think (just for a moment) that there could be a happy ending for him after all.

“I...” he starts. What? He can’t tell you how he feels—what he wants—what he is afraid of. Not here. Not now. Not yet. “Please,” he finds himself whispering. “Can you...just give me a little more time?”

You nod, and there is a strength in you that nearly knocks him off his feet.

“Yeah,” you say: and this time you sound like you mean it.

Against his will, he pushes himself up—makes his way back to his miserable little corner of the room. But he pauses—turns—and you are still waiting, still watching him. Of course you are.

“I’m gonna make it right,” he says, not quite meeting your eyes. Never, he thinks: he will never ever make you cry again.

“I believe you,” you say.

It is the first time anyone has ever told him this.

His heart shivers.

“I won’t let you down,” he says—promises. He means it with all his heart.

[classpect-callouts]

very specifically regarding my last ask, what i mean by "fakes self-confidence" is that instead of self deprecating jokes i have taken to doing the opposite. this has significantly improved my mental health and now i am now powerful enough to fistfight God in the local Arby's parking lot. God tried to nerf my ass by giving me a cocktail of mental illnesses and it failed.

now, this doesn't mean i'm not extremely insecure and i have several issues because of the trauma i was saddled with as a child having to grow up too fast. that's just par for the fucking course.

i'm just saying that i'm a wacky fucking freak of a creature and God should fear me.

(ToH)

[ao3feed-izuku-midoriya]

Meeting of Minds (Let Me Drown in Your Hands)

Meeting of minds (Let me drown in your hands) by FoxGivenBlank

The sports festival isn't quite like what either Izuku or Hitoshi thought it would be. One finds triumph and vindication and the other... Well, he finds something he didn't know he was looking for.

Words: 1485, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 3 of This is all Ray's fault, the series

Fandoms: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: Gen

Characters: Midoriya Izuku, Shinsou Hitoshi, Shuuzenji Chiyo | Recovery Girl

Relationships: Midoriya Izuku & Shinsou Hitoshi

Additional Tags: Sports Festival Arc, Dissociation, creative license regarding how quirks work, Midoriya Izuku Has Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Brainwashing Quirk, the opposite of self care, Whatever Izuku does is generally the wrong way to go about things, Izuku overworks himself to the point of harming his body, Midoriya Izuku Has One for All Quirk, Midoriya Izuku was nerfed with anxiety because otherwise he would take out god, This is Ray's fault, no surprise there, beta what beta

Read Here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/38680179

[ao3feed-hitoshi-shinsou]

Meeting of Minds (Let Me Drown in Your Hands)

Meeting of minds (Let me drown in your hands) by FoxGivenBlank

The sports festival isn't quite like what either Izuku or Hitoshi thought it would be. One finds triumph and vindication and the other... Well, he finds something he didn't know he was looking for.

Words: 1485, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 3 of This is all Ray's fault, the series

Fandoms: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: Gen

Characters: Midoriya Izuku, Shinsou Hitoshi, Shuuzenji Chiyo | Recovery Girl

Relationships: Midoriya Izuku & Shinsou Hitoshi

Additional Tags: Sports Festival Arc, Dissociation, creative license regarding how quirks work, Midoriya Izuku Has Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Brainwashing Quirk, the opposite of self care, Whatever Izuku does is generally the wrong way to go about things, Izuku overworks himself to the point of harming his body, Midoriya Izuku Has One for All Quirk, Midoriya Izuku was nerfed with anxiety because otherwise he would take out god, This is Ray's fault, no surprise there, beta what beta

Read Here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/38680179

[bao3bei4]

kpop music videos that gave their fans sexual brainworms

OR accidental fetish pop and its fringe fanbase: meditations on gendered desire 

large warning here: i am someone who has been into kpop for the past 10 years. however, i have always been an extremely casual fan. i do write fic, but not rpf. if any of that makes you not want to hear me talk about kpop rpf (or you don’t want to hear about it in general), please keep moving.

anyway, obviously pop is corporate, soulless, and manufactured. but sometimes some truly bizarre shit gets past the committees and destroys a generation. these are their stories.

the video that started this is all is got7’s just right, released july 10th, 2015.

yes that’s all 7 members of got7 (one is out of frame) shrunken down for your viewing pleasure. they live in your room and tell you you’re just right. 

this sheer fetish power of this video is nerfed only by how utterly sexless it is.

they’re styled like and dance like this. it’s a totally unironic sendup of the seminal work that preceded it by four years, “what makes you beautiful” by the white kpop group “one direction.” the chaste energy of the whole thing makes you legitimately wonder if the good people at jyp have just never heard of microphilia. (during a dramatic reading of this piece, here a friend interjected seriously, “i think it’s korean culture not to talk about things like this, fetishes in the workplace.”)

it’s for the best, honestly, though because the actress in the music video is lee ja in, who was 11 when the video was shot. considering that the members themselves ranged in age from 18-23 at the time, i think it’s actually very impressive that we only have to cancel one. 

you receive absolutely no prizes for guessing that it’s jackson wang we’re sending to social justice prison. why’d he do this? no one asked. 

at any rate, got7 fans, or “gans” (they actually call themselves igot7s which is too twee for me), have much to think about here: all 7 very small members of got7 sneaking into their room, possibly weird age play, and jackson wang eating a very large cake.

let’s see what they actually did. 

twitter was actually very tame. the most charged thing i found was (unsurprisingly) from a bts fan (“ban”). i don’t actually know what it means, but i think it means something.

so, of course, i turned to the internet’s last bastion of free speech, where you can say whatever the fuck you want and receive cheers, or as the kids say, “kudos.” that is, i read fanfiction. 

for those of you who don’t know your herstory, i started my journey at Asianfanfics.com, where, at the time of writing, there were 12,067 got7 stories. i want to start this by saying that i think feminism won, because someone was paying real human dollars to advertise their irene/wendy fanfiction on a banner ad, which is quite possibly a win for women for everywhere. 

anyway, Asianfanfics.com’s search engine sucks ass (i kept on finding stories about different combinations of bts members worrying about their weight and being reassured by another member that were entitled “just right”), so i decided to look through all got7 stories written between july 2015 and december 2015. 

but, alas, not a single got7 microphilia fic to be found. 

also, some genre commentary while i’m here: i think the stories i respect the most are the “[y/n] is a ordinary girl who’s assigned to be got7’s manager! can she make them into superstars? as sparks begin to fly, can she keep it professional?” like fuck yeah that sounds like a kickass dating sim. it almost definitely already is one. i salute all the teens around the world for buying into the fantasy of dating a boy band member that they themselves sell you. 

however, i don’t think i respect the “[member a] and [member b] are mafia/jocks and nerds/college students/high schoolers” concepts. in my opinion, the whole fantasy of boy band member is their personas, their hidden real personalities, their celebrity, and the show business setting. find a different intellectual property if you wanna write about school. i even respect the “yugyeom drank girl juice [not estrogen] and turned into a sexy girl” story more, because at least it knows exactly what it wants, and also because they’re all still boy band members. well, band members. shout out to yugyeom. 

so, anyway, i looked elsewhere. at the time of writing, archive of our own only had 11,645 got7 stories, but it does have a better search, so it effectively has more. as an aside, i think it’s so funny, and mildly disorienting at first, that archive of our own separates the “music & bands” section from the “celebrities & real people” section. boy band members aren’t real people. 

the first problem i encountered is that only 20 or so stories were written within a year of just right’s release. absolute cringe gans. don’t you care about your boys? there were zero stories tagged “vore” or “microphilia” either. stories containing the word “tiny” that were rated either “explicit” or “mature” were all normal (“normal”) size fetishization rather than, you know, just right. 

however, i learned my lesson from twitter. i realized that what had happened was that watching this video had created sleeper agents, just waiting for their activation phrase. that activation phrase? bangtan boys. and yeah, lo and behold, there was one! unfortunately (fortunately?) it had nothing to do with got7, let alone just right, so i’m not going to talk about it.  

basically what i learned is that this video may have actually been very normal, and my brain has just been destroyed by being too online at a young age. 

however, there are plenty more videos in this genre. i present to you exo wolf, a banger from may 30th, 2013. i say banger, because in a comedic inversion, it’s actually fucking terrible. 

this video is pretty self-explanatory in terms of why it might induce certain responses. 

let’s get the formalities out of the way. this video, the member who’s getting cancelled is kai. he has braids in this video :/

also skating on thin ice: xiumin and chen. guys what was up with the whole exo-m thing? like, we’re gonna have a cpop subgroup, but it’s going to be part chinese members and part korean members that we’ll give a chinese name? unsurprisingly, the three exo members who have departed from the group are all chinese. they weren’t able to stand the microaggressions probably. but xiumin and chen remain uncancelled as an official chinese apology for five thousand of years of on-and-off invasions of korea. sorry guys that was kinda fucked up. our bad! 

anyway, there are basically three avenues for exo fans to take: 1) humans with wolfish characters (usually wolf pack dynamics, which even wolves themselves don’t fucking use so i think all of you should shut up. the real omega here is your brain), 2) werewolves (duh), and 3) wolves with human characteristics (i.e. standard furry fare). 

exo themselves let all these possibilities exist at the same time, superimposing them over each other, which is very woke and egalitarian of them. let’s see what the people decided. awoo.

Asianfanfics dot com had many stories in this vein. i feel very validated that this time i was able to correctly predict a fetish. that said, briefly returning to my earlier comment regarding alternate universes: it’s intense psychic whiplash reading about these vampires and werewolves, and going okay okay luhan is a vampire this that whatever, and then seeing the actual real performance photos the author attaches at the bottom of each chapter. bro i forgot these were actual people.... it breaks immersion so bad... i’m sorry, i just can’t believe that any of these dancing boys are having weird vampire sex with wings or whatever. 

archive of our own also had many stories in this vein. and i think there are some important difference between the two sites worth talking about. 

first of all, i think the higher engagement rate of archive of our own really enables some of the authors to get super bold. it makes Asianfanfics.com seem a little quaint, actually. like the wordcounts are waaay longer, for one. it’s uncommon for a story hosted on Asianfanfics.com to be more than a few thousand words long (most of them could easily be published in the new yorker), whereas some of these archive of our own people have written full length novels about if the members of exo were werewolves. i guess it’s just intensely demoralizing for the aff.com crew to get, like, three comments per story. 

the second big difference is that i’m noticing more common themes between the ao3 crew’s writing. like stan intertextuality, or plagiarism, or whatever, but they seem to be implicitly engaging with each other’s characterizations, storylines, and tropes. i think it is because they probably all follow each other on twitter. (i have been active on twitter for three weeks now so i am an expert on fanfiction twitter.) 

anyway, like not that i am a particularly big gan (cannot even list all the members), but these people seem to have reached a very specific consensus on how jackson wang, for instance, would react in a variety of situations that really surprises me? if i were to sit down and write a got7 story, i think the fuckboitude, the douchebaggery is a big part of his charm. not to be nationalist or anything, but for god’s sake, he’s from hong kong. but these people have him as very sensitive, lots of protective instincts. not that i understood what anyone on aff.com was doing with his character either, but they did all seem to be doing different things. “kudos” to that, i guess.

but: exo. wolf. i searched the “wolves” tag. this filtered the list down from 33459 stories to 52 stories. and the “wolves” tag was very different from the aff.com “wolf” tag. for the most part, aff.com liked stories where a member was a wolf (usually shapeshifting), feral boy, lots of y/n, lots of y/n dating a feral boy who is secretly a wolf. 

ao3 really, really, really likes alpha/beta/omega stories. sorting by the most popular stories, only five on the first page weren’t a/b/o. and one of them was a cis f!baekhyun story, so i think the intended effect was communicated. anyway, let’s talk about some of the themes. 

first of all, i’m disappointed. today’s bonus cancellation is of ao3 “wolves” writers. why the fuck are you drawing so heavily from european wolves?? there are wolves in asia!! you don’t need to keep giving their packs and ranks weird latin names. i will kill you. i hate italy. korea literally has a native wolf. i hate all of you!!! if you want to write caucasian wolves go watch that dumbass cw show!!!! my god. 

the second theme (the first one was white supremacy) is that no one wants to be a wolf who fucks. i think that we need a sex positivity movement, or something, for omega rights. like, are all of you doing okay? you’re queering misogyny by inventing new genders to oppress. another level to “no one wants to be a wolf...” is the “who fucks” part. there are so many consent issues. and not even in like, a sexy intentional way? in a “i genuinely do not think this author understands how their writing comes off” way. unfortunately i am sensitive to untagged sexual coercion, and there was a lot of that.

at any rate, the aff.com wolves were at peace with being wolves, very self-actualized. the ao3 wolves know that every minute they spend alive on this bitch of an earth is suffering, and also sex.

the third theme is the evolution of y/n. y/n, who, in a startlingly woke move for aff.com, is almost always korean, is a girl main character stumbling into love, boy bands, and wolves (i think it’s because aff.com is oldschool kpop fandom, so therefore heavily asian itself in userbase). but y/n is not the main character in ao3 stories. she is the straight best friend. in what i think is a hilarious move, ao3 authors invert the gay best friend paradigm to give the gay main character a straight girl as best friend. she usually calls him “a gay,” she has lots of thoughts on boys, and she knows his sexuality better than he does and before he does. (sidebar: if all the men are gay, and all the women are straight...)

there’s a really fun twist to this, though, because the main character is always a self-insert in fanfiction. but where older fanfiction like aff.com was at peace with this and literalize it via y/n shenanigans, modern fic writers who haven’t finished distangling their complicated relationship with wanting to be a man who loves other men instead simply imbue their main character with their essence. a little voodoo doll sehun, with a lock of y/n hair. 

this creates a deeply ambivalent relationship with gender in these stories. the main character is usually an omega, but one who resents being an omega. their body and its parts is usually described, if at all, as ostensibly intersex (except more offensively), but in practice, these discourses inscribe a trans body. (nb: i think cis writers approach this in a really fucked up fetishizing way, but i hope by this point we know that that goes without saying) it’s incredibly straightforward to read this, and see the underlying desires and fears in a heady cocktail of unfiltered writing that’s deeply confessional. you know when freud had people say whatever the fuck they wanted and figured they’d eventually free associate into releasing their subconscious into reality? yeah. 

okay, and while we’re on the topic, let’s talk f(x) nu abo, released on may 4th, 2010. 

this is a blitzy, maximalist, amped up dance hit that even has its own applause and cheers built in. it’s so fucking annoying, and i love it. 

this song is on here because the second most popular kpop a/b/o story on ao3 is called “nu abo” except it’s about bts. that’s offensive enough in its own right. write something about f(x) (702 works). when will women win the right to have their own self-lubricating holes.

anyway, even though f(x) is probably innocent in all of this, i’m still cancelling amber liu. 

for queerbaiting. who told her to look like ruby rose but hot? and for what? i’m also cancelling her for racism, but that wasn’t in this video. 

moving on to a double feature: vixx voodoo doll and vixx chained up, released november 19, 2013 and november 9, 2015 respectively. this is because while voodoo doll is more formative, i think the fans who write fanfiction today got into kpop more recently, so we are casting a wide net.

anyway, voodoo doll is jam packed with weird pseudo-medical imagery, blood, vivisection, bondage, puppet shit, femdom, sharps, piercings, asphyxiation, dollification, stabbing/penetration metaphors, and a really sick and catchy dance. god that looks like the list of tags on the a/b/o wolf stories. 

for this song, we’re cancelling you, for being way too into this song when you were 13.

vixx voodoo doll made me goth i guess! insert that pic of the your music saved me sign, except it saved me from getting into emo or pop punk probably. 

chained up, comparatively, is much more tame. the only thing of note about it is that there are around 10 completely different chokers and choker looks the members wear in this music video. also they’re singing about being chained up, but that seemed a bit obvious. 

we could argue that voodoo doll is gay while chained up is gay (derogatory); that voodoo doll is queer while chained up is gay; that chained up is a sensitive masterpiece of omega4omega sexuality. but we’re not going to. 

we’re going to talk about what voodoo doll fanfiction was and was not. first, Aff.com had plenty of it. however, i was extremely disappointed to see that much of it did not hew to the spirit of vixx voodoo doll. my god, the voodoo doll becoming the one preying upon you disgusts me. the fantasy of the voodoo doll is that of absolute power. the idea that the doll itself has agency? instantly breaks the fantasy. i’m even not into voodoo dolls and i’m offended. 

i also don’t think it’s part of the voodoo doll fantasy to release the doll. the only story on there that involved Y/N kidnapping vixx members like in the music video was unavailable because the author deactivated their account. come back qxeen what did you see. 

i think this got off track, actually, in that i was mostly wondering why these people imprinted differently onto vixx voodoo doll than i did. like i don’t think you’re supposed to actually like straightforwardly absorb the morals and aesthetics of music videos like it’s propaganda. however, it’s more entertaining if you do. i hope ao3 doesn’t let me down. 

out of the then 5932 works in the vixx fandom (the least out of every group so far, excluding f(x) because they’re women), 59 of them included the word “voodoo” somewhere. that’s 1%. i legitimately can’t tell if that’s high or not. 

after some more cursory reading through the first page of popular results, my big takeaway is that people watched that video and wanted to be tortured and enslaved? but not, like, in a sexy way where the torturing is the point, the way where the point is to suffer bravely and beautifully, to endure the world’s harms like jesus on the cross, and then to fall into the arms of a beautiful boy who may or may not be the one hurting you in the first place. 

there’s a certain predictability to these fantasies. like it’s not even masochism, which would be fun at least, it’s literally just like the desire to be beautiful, even as you suffer. and i do find that a little boring. (but, i mean, you can’t help being a woman!)

sidebar: on chained up. what’s interesting about chained up, is that most of the then 38 “chained up” works (likely because the video has no storyline) are about the members fucking during chained up promotions. no one’s ever actually chained up, but whatever. it’s fine. it’s fine! 

anyway, here, more than ever, the nature of desire is stripped bare. i’ve written before [elsewhere in the unreleased tshirt cinematic universe] on how kpop boys are, through fandom, re-formed as white, or more strongly, i guess, blank slates. it’s really interesting to me how so much of this dynamic of projection is enabled by the fact that they’re asian men. they’re infantilized, feminized vessels; they’re seductive, but childlike, oblivious to their own charms, so nonthreatening; they have uncontrollable desires for sex, they’re scared of sex. and above all else, white women submit themselves to them, insert themselves into them. basically kpop fans tend to rework old school yellow peril and emasculation fantasies to reenact their own desires, often white, often cishet on them. 

what i am saying is that there’s another thesis about forced feminization and its racialized subtext in here. obviously gender is a racialized construct to begin with, but like it’s fascinating to argue that when white women remake asian men according to their own desires, that is, into themselves, they (hopefully) unintentionally echo these old fears about the sexual order.

it illuminates, it seems, the underlying dynamic in the denigration of asian men, which is of course the fear of miscegenation. now, my breathtaking ability to make everything about me aside, miscegenation is interesting because it presents a racial synthesis, beginning to collapse and trouble the artificial designations of purity. so we make asian men into white women, and end up with an unsettling hybrid. i’m sure this has deep implications for me personally.

but i think we already knew that quite a few of these people had yellow fever, so let’s talk about the gender dialectic at play. basically, the above dynamic, of making men into women (whether literally, in body; or subjectively, in mind; or even relationally, as they are objectified into passive vessels for your desire) coexists with the ostensibly converse dynamic, in which the straight women desires to be a gay man. these aren’t necessarily in conflict: it could easily be that these are different writers writing different stories, that both are ways of expressing discontent with existing in a raced, gendered body, or even that the end product of both is the same.

it’s been a while without a picture. all of you now have the legal right to hunt and kill me for making a d&g joke.

anyway, what i want to talk about is how these two fantasies can coexist. that by making a man into yourself, you can speak on your own desire in a passive way. my normal interest is analyzing forced masc fantasies (albeit in chinese opera lol), and they bear little to no resemblance to this kind of fantasy. this kind offers plausible deniability, of course, because wanting things is embarrassing. but also the fantasy isn’t about wanting to be a man, it’s about having no choice but to be a failed one. the gender pessimism running through these stories is palpable. basically andrea long chu wants what wolf fanfiction writers know: everyone is an omega, and everyone hates it.

at any rate, this racialized dynamic is one that i wasn’t sure how to bring up throughout this piece, mainly because there is no definitive way for me to tell the race of any individual writer, beyond just like the clear and present vibes that i receive. but i think it structures a lot of the fantasies contained in this essay. (i felt more comfortable bringing up the gendered dynamic, because it was fairly trivial to find out the current gender of the person writing each story i was reading.) 

obviously we should return to the specter haunting this conversation: the very much alive david eng. i think this sort of argument is familiar to readers of racial castration, especially his chapter on m. butterfly. btw sorry for mentioning that play 2 out of 3 posts on this blog. i have problems.

let’s talk about the parallel imagery between the depiction of gallimard’s final speech and the fanfiction i’ve described above. in it, gallimard makes himself into his own dream woman, dressing in yellowface and robes, the costume of puccini’s original madame butterfly. and he laments his lost love:

there is a vision of the orient that i have. of slender women in chong sams and kimonos who die for the love of unworthy foreign devils. who are born and raised to be the perfect women. who take whatever punishment we give them, and bounce back, strengthened by love, unconditionally.

in that, i see the self insert, and i see the sufferer of vixx voodoo fic. the fantasy that gallimard has about asian women is repeated, this time about asian men and a helpless identification with them. and on some level, gallimard’s women do have something very compelling to identify with: they suggest that there’s a way to endure white male violence without sacrifice, and even more potently, to enjoy it on some level.

but onward to the titular racial castration. eng argues that gallimard’s wilful ignorance of song’s true gender is a psychic castration -- song’s masculinity is diminished so that his own can be enhanced within their relationship. this, eng believes, acts out “richard fung’s contention that in western imaginary ‘asian and anus are conflated.’” this process stabilizes the relationship between the asian man and the white woman: they occupy the same place within the sexual dyad. 

this is, i think, why some people are addicted to writing from the bottom’s perspective. again -- not implying that irl bottoms don’t exist or that bottoms are psychically castrated lol -- but rather that you can fantasize about this ideal asian man that you can come to embody. in kpop rpf, rather than it being between a white man and an asian man (unless someone’s started writing chad future fic), it’s between two asian men. so this transformation is performed. whiteness is always intruding and so i think eng is helpful here to making it visible again. 

this essay isn’t a callout or actual cancellation or anything like that, i do wanna be clear. i guess i just like talking about fantasies, even the embarrassing ones, and where they come from. i think oftentimes in fandom spaces, we write a lot of stories off as idfic, and i think virtually every single one of the stories i referenced to write this fairly uncontroversially fall into that category. but i think calling something an “id” something or the other naturalizes the satisfaction it gives as purely instinctual and unconscious, when i do think there are deeper narratives at play. while i didn’t ever actually reference the base here (sorry), i do think it’s worth talking about how real world power shapes & maintains the superstructure, and thereby our fantasies. 

anyway in conclusion, maybe i was the one with sexual brainworms the whole time.