#god this film makes me absolutely UNWELL

[sentientsky]

hey so i'm rewatching the nimona movie and uh. i forgot how much this film fuckign HURTS

like what the hell,,, am i cRYING ????

[daincrediblegg]

Funny how writing a post about a muppet christmas carol can lead to it getting demoted from best christmas carol adaptation

[unknownarmageddon]

listen I'm gripping my head I'm crawling on the walls and I'm just losing my mind thinking about kross like bro

like my guy

theyre just meant to be, like holy shit??? cross and killer just are in my brain and they are fighting and trying to kill each other but weeps gently cross tenderly caring for the wounds he gave killer and killer is just happy in both scenarios like he just loves this man???????

and like he's so shameless about it, like mid-fight, he will just??????

Spews random commentary that had Cross gritting his teeth and wanting to simultaneously kick killer across the room and kiss him. right then and like he just does both, in that order, and its just like

killer is always so smug afterwards, and cross is salty about it, but killer is always just so happy to have any time with cross that everything is a win, and it makes cross so mad that killer is always so damn satisfied with himself

so he's just constantly trying to wipe that smug bastard's look off and he just doesn't realize that it's exactly what killer wants and every time it just turns into them kissing

and its like, initially just really aggressive, and theyre all bitey and snippy but the more time they spend essentially cuddled together and all close, the more cross goes from "I hate you, im doing this out of spite" to just "I refuse to leave."

and it just gets soft and warm and they slow down and its like. killer is just so pleased that cross kissed him

and cross is all grumpy because there goes killer, grinning that stupid smile like he'd planned this all from the start and was very happy that it all had gone according to said plan

and it just makes cross more salty and hellbent on making killer lose his footing, and stop looking so damn bastardly and smug about everything, but he doesn't know what else to do that isn't just outright harmful

so they just wind up making out in Cross's bed after fighting for the millionth time this week, and its only Monday man

and just fuckin them man

kross is so love hate, hate love, enemies but lovers, cross will try to killers bones and then kiss it better in apology and killer is just like, internally pleased to have cross so close so much and huergh grips skull

i am tormented please kross is a storm and I'm the guy in the van with a camcorder trying to film the tornados and the carnage, only to get my car flattened by a building

PRECISELY EXACTLY ABSOLUTELY ohh my god dude

It’s almost eleven at night and I can’t. Coherently put my thoughts into words but I am so with you Kross makes me fucking insane fucking unwell just DUDE

Everything here is so true and so real

[thegeminisage]

WRATH OF KHAN breakdown

i watched this movie with catherine maulthots six days ago and liveblogged it incoherently on a notepad file on my phone because No Way was i opening this devils website when spock could die any moment. i am recording my experiences here for posterity

firstly i did know going in that he was going to die. this made me wracked with anxiety. more on that later. actually when kirk walked up and was like ha ha arent you supposed to be dead i almost lost it .5 seconds into the movie

absolute first thing was that we werent sure whether or not the thing in the beginning was a test. absolutely LOST MY MIND when i realized it was the kobayashi maru. every ten seconds during this movie i went "omg an aos reference" even though i knew it was really the other way around. somehow i thought mister perfect tos jim wouldn't cheat on the test so when they sort of hinted at what he did but didn't say it i was FROTHING to know more

bones's gay little posture. that's it that's the whole bullet

bones coming to jim's place at night was like the opening of some retro gay porno. DELIGHTED to find out that jim's allergies were not in fact an aos fanon but based in both aos and tos canon (re his little old man glasses)

mad that all of the movies seem to flirt with whether or not james t kirk should retire or captain a starship and then never resolve that question ever. it's like will shatner's insecurity about aging was leeching into the very script. girl we ALL KNOW what he should be doing so either shit or get off the pot

birthday gifts cute though. oh my fucking god. a book and glasses and he shows up with both repeatedly throughout the film

khan's tits were amazing. even as an asexual, even queer as a two dollar bill, i am full of admiration for what he had going on. he was rockin it

when they put the little worms into chekov and terrel cathy was like "omg THATS why they called them khan worms" and then i got to say "omg spn reference" instead of "omg aos reference" and we were so excited she wasn't even mad about it. also, they were so gross, oh my god, i couldn't look, she had to tell me when it was safe to unhide my eyes

meanwhile we're also mercilessly mocking the oversight that allowed khan and chekov to know one another. how did that plothole make it into production

EYE personally was very shocked at the amount of non-annoying women in the movie (two??). i liked both saavik and carol though i had to google to see if saavik was a human or vulcan. VERY cute that spock gave her the wheel to fuck with kirk specifically even though anyone but kirk being captain is so WEIRD. spock can be acting captain but not actual captain!!!

i ALSO knew from spoilers that carol had had kirk's fucking child which i may have accidentally also ruined for catherine so when a woman with an adult son mentioned james kirk onscreen we both became a little. unwell.

khan's "i shall have him" this sort of sexual tension is one of many things missing from into darkness. NOT that i want to see b*nedict c*mberbatch have that with anyone bc he is quite literally so ugly i have to cover his face with my hand when i watch into darkness but they should have cast a better person as khan and then made him have sexual tension with kirk.

cathy on the khan worms coming out of chekov's ears: wow, i love that! me on the same thing: i hate it

khan's "i wish to go on hurting you" no comment

khan yell REALLY GOOD. glad to see some things never change. william shatner was like i have been and will ever be a huge fucking ham

when carol marcus went "can i cook or can't i" i decided to go ahead and start liking women again. nature is healing, etc

if i had seen kirk pop that apple in his mouth while talking about how he didn't like to lose before i wrote gambler's knife. well. the fic probably wouldn't have changed much but my brain chemistry has certainly changed now. i can't explain w human words. AAAAAAUGH

spock's line about "sauce for the goose" was so out of character we had to check the transcript and make sure that was him speaking and not kirk. "sauce for the goose"??? sir, you're a vegetarian

the cgi was surprisingly good in whatever version we watched. it really holds up, which is ironic considering we had 20-minute vistas of it in the previous movie, where it was just okay

spock's death. i cried all the way through. don't text.

i did have a vague idea of what was going on when he melded with bones bc you literally cant avoid spoilers but i didn't have Details so i was very shocked for a second until i remembered

SPOCK'S FUNERAL. oh he would have been insulted to hear jim call him human!!!!! but he WAS

kirk trying to run away from his kid was really good. if i hadn't been blinded with tears i would have really enjoyed it. didn't like the "you've never faced death" bit though bc OBVIOUSLYYY he was on tarsus iv.

anyway then they panned to the coffin and i was like SURELY HES GONNA POP OUT AND SAY SIKE but he didn't. he didn't and i just had to live with that. and we had planned to watch search for spock immediately the next day but fate intervened and i had to skip it TWO DAYS in a row and nearly died. the end.

also, i didn't realize the book spock had given kirk was the one he quoted at the end!!!!!!! really horrible.

[ad-hawkeye]

hi hi!! huge fan of ur mockingbird takes bc ur absolutely right, mockingbird gets underutilized, and it's so frustrating that one of the cards remotely tied to it is behind a paywall kbdfjskb.

anyway, i'd like to know your take on an ideal mockingbird scenario?

have a nice day!! :D

omg hi!!!! thank you!! you’re making me blush, it’s an honor coming from you! ALWAYS love and adore your artem takes HAHA :,D sorry for the delayed reply, i had to stew on this for a bit!

oh my god. oh my God. thin veil being behind a paywall makes me feel so unwell in the head. it makes me nutty. wacky, even. and the way they had his first birthday event rely so heavily on said paywall card is actually absolutely insane. ive been playing this game since sept of last year and i still don’t have thin veil. like??? okay. ough. alright. back on topic.

BUT YES. YOU ARE SO RIGHT. i think artem being a movie critic is so fun! and charming! and it has good plot AND humor potential! (guilty as charged for constantly cracking jokes about his letterboxd account)

artem’s stories tend to be about law cases. or based around law cases. either that, or just random trips with simple conflicts. i GET that he’s the Work Romance Option but i want some antics! i’d love for there to be a fully dedicated mockingbird story where there’s a problem to be solved, entirely case unrelated, and he and rosa have to solve it.

like a mockingbird impersonator card. i think it’d be funny seeing artem annoyed and having to solve that heh

a close call with his identity! i recall kiki being the closest to guessing it was artem during his bday event. could be funny. rosa trying to cover for artem! artem just SHUTTING KIKI DOWN and absolutely scaring the shit out of her by accident. i think this is the one i’d want the most, imagine the humor!

i want artem to watch a bad movie. like a really bad one. come on im sick of good movies being discussed i want him to watch cats or something.

maybe a story about some kinda of film lost media being found? and the process of it being found, with it ending in mockingbird reviewing it? could be interesting~

[crazyworldofemmamarie]

Day 12 of Rammstein's Countdown to Halloween and it's a Special One tonight!

WARNING SPOILERS (in case anyone is planning on seeing it)

Saw X (2023, dir. Kevin Greutert. )

Plot: Set between Saw (2004) and Saw II (2005), The film follows the infamous jigsaw killer, John Kramer after traveling to Mexico for a risky and experimental procedure in order to cure his illness. However, it turns out to be a scam and the now cheated man turns the tables on his con artists.

Okay, I don't know where to even start. This was a absolute rollercoaster ride, I gotta say. I mean, I am absolutely speechless.

I'm not even gonna lie to you, I have cringe or been so freaked out by movie violence in such a long time and this film managed to just make me go, 'ahh!' and 'oh my god' and 'no, no, no' so many times, it was crazy.

I'm in love with this plot and I think this is just as good as the first one. I mean, the storyline just runs so smooth. I really like how it was very character driven, we got to know each character very very well. We were given time to understand the victims and I found especially John himself and in all honesty this film really fixed some holes to John Kramer's character. I feel now that I understand him a bit more, because we were allowed to see his thought process. Beforehand, we would of called him a hypocrite, and I'm not gonna lie I tend to tease about his character all the time but I found with this film it really opened up to his thought process. He's just a human, who is really unwell, and knows it in some way but is almost in denial and is just trying to get by, and that's how you make sure a horror villain gets any sympathy, in my opinion anyways.

I really enjoyed Amanda's Kramer interactions and honestly Kramer's interactions with everyone was extremely natural and not odd like I find they usually are. (I did laugh when John was speaking metaphorically and Amada is like: "He does that a lot." That was great.

I also appreciated how it showed Amanda taking more charge and being a part of making and running the traps like we see Mark Hoffman do in earlier films and I find we don't see enough of the apprentices working on traps and I'm glad the filmmakers were thinking the same thing.

The traps were excellent as always and I think my favourite would have to be towards the end with the waterboarding trap; and my number one reason is that one, it was a trap Kramer himself took part which was shocking and with twist on twist it was the most complex and riddled with conflicts that honestly is such a strong representation of humanity. Kramer and a young boy fighting to sacrifice one life to save another was just so beautiful.

I enjoyed the nostalgia this film gave, there were moments where I be reminded of the films that came before it. It has a modern vibe, but I really enjoy that green/red/blue tint that gloomed over certain shots which leads me to the next thing I really liked the lighting and the cinematography for the film, there was just certain shots where the lighting and shadows casted on the actors faces just right and it really complimented them and I love it when film do that.

And of course, we got to see fan favourite Mark Hoffman and Amanda Young, now hopefully maybe the next move we can see all of the apprentices, Amanda, Hoffman, Dr. Gordon and Logan in the same film, either interacting with each other or doing their apprenticing duties. I would love that.

Even Mark Hoffman had a great line, "Epic Bad Luck" was great and it's defiantly worth sitting through the credits to see that.

This movie honestly made me, cry, laugh, gasp and even cringe. It honestly deserves the attention that it has gotten this year and I think it's best of the year so far. I highly recommended anyone who is a fan of the franchise, the genre or even just horror in general to go and see it. The ride is worth it for sure.

[twinferns]

ep 4 of tfatws was a rollercoaster

i am experiencing so many emotions and i bet that you are too so let's talk about it

consider this your spoiler warning

- jesus christ marvel really wasn't pulling any punches with the opening scene with ayo and bucky god damn

- the emotional damage those flashbacks gave me is ridiculous. and bucky's face when ayo send he was free? his crying? i am unwell. i am so unwell. sebastian stan is really acting his ass off

- "there's nothing to litigate you straight shot the man" i love sam and his straightforwardness

- "the avengers not the nazis" thanks for the clarification buck!! - all im saying is zemo is walking on thin thin ice with that his "super soldiers are crazy" talk

- during the whole scene with zemo giving the kids turkish delights, i could only think about edmund pevensie and how he would eat that up

- OH MY GOD BUCKY THROWING THE GLASS AND THE LEVERAGE IM SCREAMING HE'S SO HOT

- "that stupid head tilt thing" i love sam so much

- oh you know sharon just casually has access to a couple of satellites she's so powerful

- grandfather lukasz has some questionable advice?? no you should not always do something if youre scared?? that doesnt mean it's a good thing??

- get john walker's ugly ass face off my screen

- can walker stfu and listen to sam who literally works with traumatized soldiers

- this whole scene just cements the fact that sam is the rightful captain america. the way he's talking to karli is so respectful and understanding while also trying to talk sense into her i love him so much

- can bucky please knock walker out with his arm, just a quick bap bap and problem solved

- I LITERALLY SCREAMED AT MY TV WHEN HE BARGED IN AND SCARED KARLI

- zemo you headass stop shooting karli so help me but i do agree with the smashing of the serum

- john walker is literally unraveling in front of our eyes he looks rabid also wyatt russel is really do a phenomenal job

- the way sam said no to the serum so quickly really just makes me adore him more and want him to be the new cap more

- sam real hit zemo with a vibe check with the "isnt that how gods talk" line

- bucky in short sleeves is something very personal to me

- GOD DAMN I LOVE THE DORA MILAJE, AYO BEAT WALKER UP LIKE WE ALL WANTED TO

- the look of absolute betrayal and hurt on bucky's face when ayo detached his arm

- i love bucky and sam just watching like "looking strong john!!" i love him

- karli youre cool but dont you dare threaten sarah ever again

- ofc bucky insists on coming with sam this bitch has attachement issues

- WALKER TOOK THE GOD DAMN SERUM

- "stay there" lmao ily bucky

- they did a shoddy job of kidnapping lamar bc he clearly has a knife on him like shouldnt they have searched him for that??

- sam using his wings in fights is so incredibly cool

- watching bucky fight is the most satisfying thing ever

- THE WAY HE CAUGHT THAT KNIFE IM SCREAMING

- "your welcome" HLUGKYJFT

- rip lamar the shit's ab to hit the fan

- oh so john walker is insane? he just fucking murdered the guy with the shield im fuming but at the same time the scene gave me chills in the worst possible way

- im thinking ab how the guy who died said he looked up to captain america as a kid then the final shot was from his perspective looking up at captain america

- im also thinking ab how steve used that same shield slamming move on tony during civil war but just destroyed the suit and didnt kill tony whereas walker's using it to kill

- steve's "i dont like bullies, i dont care where theyre from" line is just repeating in my head and making me sad

- the final shot was so chilling and iconic in a horrifying way

- everyone filming better post those videos

im extremely sad that we only have two episodes left, but im excited to see the downfall of john walker bc that's inevitable. anyways ill be back next week, im proud of posting this on time.

[filmsandlattes]

16/11/21 post shoot diary entry 

First of all- Sam!!! Why do I look like this in these photos?! God... thank you anyways. None of us took any photos.

The shoot day went well considering everything. At the start of the week we had no gear and no clue as to our cast or location. By the end of it we had something AND had shot the thing! Beth secured the Union Bar for us and by a stroke of luck it worked as a location. I’m really glad we went to the space and did some storyboard reference images a few days before and got a sense of where we would be filming. 

Reflection on My Role: 

I’ll be honest and preface this with the knowledge that YES I am too critical with myself and YES I know it’s not good for me. I’m a bit frustrated with myself right now. I don’t think I did my best on Sunday as the director. Well. No. I did the best I could’ve done that day but not the best I could’ve been at it if I wasn’t unwell. There was so so much I should’ve been on the ball with but because half my brain wasn’t wanting to work I just had to push through. This is frustrating for me because I put way too much pressure on myself to always do my absolute best! And even when I do that I’m still not happy with myself! Very annoying indeed now that I’m trying to prove to myself that I can actually do what my heart is set on. 

To balance that heaping self criticism I think I did a good job keeping us organised. I organised the call sheet, shotlist and schedule for the day. I tried to check in with the group, making sure everyone was alright and getting breaks etc. I liked how we took the film visually- the whip pans were fun and I’m surprised I was creative enough to even suggest it! I guess that shows how I’m slowly but surely getting there with my own filmmaking chops. Two years ago the thought of taking the opening sequence of the script and doing that wouldn’t have even registered in my lil ‘ol brain. I think I was still figuring out white balance at that point to be honest. So it’s heartening to see how far I’m coming along as a budding filmmaker. 

General Comments:

Beth’s actress friend Sam was lovely but I do regret not auditioning her first like we did with the director’s role.

There were some foibles with the sound. My concerns that I tried to communicate about the sound and why we needed both lav and a boom going kind of went past some people’s heads until we got to things like the wide shot where you can’t fit the boom in. Always take lavs and a boom... Worse was when we discovered that one lav mics hadn’t been recording. I have no clue why or how this happened but hopefully the boom will save us. I’ve not heard back on the sound but Tom was monitoring and I assume he would’ve said if we had some issues.

As we were above the Three Sisters bar we did struggle towards the end. We had some dialogue left to catch but the live music had begun to play below and seeped into our set. So as soon as the music died off we beelined for another take (most times we didn’t get there in time, unfortunately).

Alex did a great job as a DP/ cam op and worked really hard. Sam T came along (I think he’s making his way through all the groups!) to help as well as let us use his mics which was greatly appreciated. Beth, on boom, and Tom, on mixing, worked as hard as ever. I think we all worked incredibly hard actually. Big thanks to Sam for volunteering his time!  

I think we also had a good work environment- I did get into work mode though which isn’t Fun Sofia. Work Sofia and Fun Sofia are two very different people but they are always in tune with Not a Total Psycho Sofia so that’s good! There were no major fights or tensions amongst us. We were all focused on doing our job. We were all fed and hydrated. We took scheduled breaks. It was really really good for us to go back to Beth’s and all chill out with some dinner once we’d wrapped. I think The Dream Team will be going bowling to decompress after all the hard work. We’re barely even in post and already dead from the shoot. We DESERVE a pick me up.  But I am excited to get into the edit. There’s some fun stuff I’ve got envisioned for the film. 

Going Forwards:

Always ALWAYS double check the Uber before you leave. My notes for myself are this: read some Sidney Lumet the week leading up to a shoot, watch some videos on directing to get in the right mindset, and read up a bit more on directing actors. Continue to stay organised going forwards. Always test the equipment and give yourself time to go back to SA to get it sorted!!! And make sure you’re having FUN!!!! Even if its Work Sofia on duty... it’s a learning experience and these are precious memories of your youth :”) so remember to enjoy them! 

[izzy-b-hands]

One Last Party

One of my last fics for Tim Weekend (I have one more for this day that I’m hoping to have finished and posted before Sunday is over!) This event has been an absolute delight, both in participating in it and reading/seeing everything that’s been made for it, and I hope we might see this event happen again in the future! I know I’d be eager to participate again!

For this fic, I went with the Queen party prompt, as I wanted a chance to get some Freddie and Tim interactions written. This was one of the first fics I wrote for Tim Weekend, and it’s dear to my heart. I hope folks will enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it!

The only major TW for this is that there is the implication of Freddie’s illness in this; it isn’t addressed directly or anything, and Tim doesn’t know of course, but he’s aware that Freddie seems a bit out of it compared to prior years. 

My love to all who read/like/reblog!

He doesn’t want to bother him. That above all is foremost in his mind. Freddie is an old friend, yes, but they’ve long-since fallen out of touch with each other. 

And he looks tired. 

There’s been nothing formally said as to how well or unwell any member of Queen might be, but the papers are intrusive and eager to suggest theories based on the smallest, stupidest detail. It doesn’t help that, in Tim’s experience, musicians are often horrid gossips (and he can admit that he has to include himself in that, at least sometimes.) 

He doesn’t want to make any assumptions of course, but regardless, there’s the worry that he’d only irritate Freddie if he should be feeling less-than or otherwise exhausted from the party. 

Tim has spent the party milling at the edges of crowds, talking to folks if the mood takes him. He can keep to that, happily.

Or he tries to, until a rotation around the main room of the club lands him at Freddie’s table, in a seat right beside him. 

He says nothing, sitting awkwardly to the side in the chair. Even here, the goal is to let Freddie be; let him enjoy the night. 

But Freddie turns, and his face lights up. 

“There you are! Brian and Roger said you might try and make it, but we haven’t seen you all night so we presumed the worst,” Freddie leans in so they can hear each other over the dull roar of the party-goers. 

“Dead?” 

Freddie laughs. “That you couldn’t make it. But dead would do that as well, I suppose.” 

“I’ve been here,” Tim shrugs, and tries to hide his discomfort. Why is he here? Even the people among the crowds that he knows seemed shocked he showed up. 

“I’m glad you made it,” Freddie says. “And I’m glad you made it to one of us, at least! I haven’t seen the others in a bit, but-” 

Freddie peers into the crowd in front of them, as if he might somehow see through them. But if Roger, Brian, or John are anywhere close, they aren’t within sight. 

He shakes his head. “Well. They’re off doing who knows what, who knows where. But you and I can still catch up.” 

“There’s not much for me to catch you up on,” Tim tries to laugh, to keep it lighter than how he feels. 

Freddie rolls his eyes and smiles. “If you mean in regards to your attitude, then no, there isn’t. Still self-deprecating to a fault. But if you can honestly tell me that nothing else has changed; that you’re still stuck in that dingy student flat, then we’ll leave right now and I’ll move you into someplace nicer myself!” 

There’s a glimmer of their conversations in their college days in that, and Tim lets some of the stress out of his shoulders. Freddie never did suffer fools; he’s still talking to him, so he must truly want to hear him. 

“I’ve upgraded,” Tim chuckles. “A dingy house, but it suits me and the family.” 

“Wife and kids?” 

Tim nods. “And a day job, all that. It’s horribly boring, I’m afraid. You?” 

“I doubt that,” Freddie replies, artfully dodging over Tim’s question about family. He catches a waiter walking by with a gentle touch to the elbow. “It’s rather too loud in here; is there anywhere else my friend and I-” 

Before Freddie can finish his sentence, the waiter is gesturing them up and down a set of hallways, babbling about an empty VIP space. 

The room is cozy, it could fit maybe ten people if that, Tim figures. It looks VIP as well; velvet couches and low tables and a few chairs sat far too close together. But it is much quieter, and that’s a blessing. 

“Gets overwhelming,” Freddie remarks as they sit on one of the couches, watching the waiter leave. “Doesn’t it?” 

“To me, maybe,” Tim says. “I’m not a pro at things like this like you and the other lads are.” 

Freddie snorts. “Bullshit. You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t know how to handle it. Besides, being a pro at these means nothing. Less than nothing. Can you hold a drink and ramble on to some executive you’d rather not be talking to? If you can do that, you can handle a night like this.” 

“Fair enough,” Tim nods. “Still, you’ve all got more experience even with that than I-” 

“All I know right now,” Freddie interrupts softly. “Is that I’m hearing a friend talk poorly of himself for no good reason. And that’s not the conversation we should be having. How have you been? What have you kept busy with?” 

Tim hesitates to reply, but Freddie nods to urge him on. “I’m married. I already said that, but...yeah. She’s lovely, if anything, I should say I’m luckily married!” 

“We’ve all ended up with people too good for us, haven’t we?” Freddie smiles. 

“Sounds about right,” Tim lets himself sit back, and breathe. “Especially with...everything. It’s been lovely overall though; I really shouldn’t complain.” 

“Do,” Freddie instructs. “You have my permission, if it helps. We can bitch and whine to each other about things, like we used to. Just not about professors and classes anymore, is all.” 

“I might have some complaints left in me about some of them,” Tim smiles, and it’s a delight to hear Freddie laugh. He’d made this harder than it was. “No, no...ah, but like I said. Got the dear wife at home, some kids. I’ve done a lot since we last talked for any length of time, odd jobs-” 

“And music?” Freddie looks eager to hear about that. 

“Um. For fun, yeah,” Tim mumbles. “I considered myself ‘retired’, if you will, back in 1978. It’s been all TV and films and models and special effects since then.” 

Freddie frowns, but nods. “Well, I’m sure whatever you’re doing ‘for fun’ is still fantastic. And I’d love to know what you’ve worked on otherwise, maybe I’ve seen it…” 

He lets himself get into a flow with it, but then talking about work is easy. Freddie might not understand all the shop talk, but he listens intently, and grins whenever a project comes up that he knows of. 

But the topic only has so long a life, and it drops sooner rather than later. For a few moments, silence drifts over them. 

“What about you?” Tim tries again, gently. “I admit, I’ve not kept up close on everything Queen has done, so anything you say is likely new to me! And what about, you know, family and all that…” 

Freddie doesn’t look upset. But he’s studying Tim with a very certain look. Careful and serious, his eyes fixed on Tim’s. 

“To go over everything we’ve done,” he laughs softly. “That’s a lot, I suppose. I’m proud of it all, let’s say that. Even though we’ve bickered over so much of it, my god, if you could have heard us.” 

“I’d have rolled my eyes and tried to break it up?” 

“Probably,” Freddie replies with a faltering smile. “I...look. Anything more we talk about…” 

He sighs. “Privacy is important, yes?” 

Tim nods. “If you’re meaning that you don’t want anything about your life sold to any papers, you don’t need to worry about that. I wouldn’t use them as rags to clean up a mess, much less read them or give them any information about anyone.” 

Freddie perks up at that. “That’s a relief. It isn’t that I don’t trust you, or anyone-” 

“But you do have to be careful, and that means you can’t really trust anyone,” Tim interrupts without meaning to, the words flowing before he can stop them. “Or at least, you can only trust them so far.” 

Freddie nods. “You get it. Thank you.” 

“Of course,” Tim says. “I wouldn’t want anyone knowing my business if I didn’t intend for them to hear it.” 

“Exactly,” Freddie says. “That said…” 

The smile is back, bright. “His name is Jim. I’m lucky beyond words to have him; I can’t begin to tell you. Not that it’s all sunshine, I mean, what relationship is, but compared to what I’ve had before…” 

“Night and day?” 

Freddie nods. “Ah. No kids, of course, unless you count the cats-” 

“I absolutely do,” Tim laughs. “We’ve had our share of pets over the years; I’m certain the wife and kids would get them out of the house during a fire before they’d drag me out!” 

“Stop that,” Freddie giggles and shoves at his arm. “They’d get you out; the real question is if you’d be like Brian and John and Roger and be running back in to save equipment and instruments.” 

Tim considers it for a moment. “I have to admit it, I might. Some of what I’ve got in the home workshop is expensive, you know. Not as irreplaceable as Brian’s guitar or anything-” 

Freddie interrupts him with a laugh. “Nothing is as irreplaceable as that. It truly is, but all the same-” 

“Brian,” they say it in one playfully disparaging voice, cracking up at the coincidence. 

“You know,” Tim sighs. “I was trying to avoid you, if I’m honest. Not out of not wanting to talk to you! But I was so afraid I’d be bothering you or wearing you out or something; that was silly of me, wasn’t it?” 

Freddie nods. “It was, but I get it. I’m not exactly charging for the spotlight myself on nights like this. People come up to me, and I’m fine to speak with most of them. Happy, even! But I’m better here, sitting back and doing something like this instead.” 

He tuts, and shakes his head. “Maybe I’m just getting old, hm?” 

“Aren’t we all,” Tim replies. “This has been lovely though. I don’t know how much longer I can stay, but if you’d like…” 

He hesitates. Maybe this is a step too far. One night of catching up, even with Freddie telling him things so personal, cannot make up for years of not having talked at all. “I’d love to meet up with you again, outside of a party, if you’re comfortable with it. We could have you and Jim over for lunch, maybe.” 

Freddie’s smile is soft, but his eyes are bright, and he seems the most genuinely happy Tim has seen him all night. At least, it reminds him of the Freddie met in college. 

“I don’t know what our schedule is like going forward,” Freddie replies. “Myself and the band, and myself and Jim, of course. But I’d like that. Let me get you my number…” 

They exchange numbers scribbled on cocktail napkins, and Tim has to bite back a laugh. Friends going back as far as college, exchanging numbers like two people in a bar not quite brave enough to just take each other home instead. 

But he thinks as Freddie helps him find the exit (“It’s a maze back here, I swear; we can’t have you getting lost!”) that he’s not been so happy at a party like that before. He had a good time; only when he was with Freddie, but still, he had a truly good time. 

The cocktail napkin is warm in his hand as he takes it out of his pocket and pins it onto the little notice board at home. Among the calendars and appointment reminder cards and everything else for the rest of the family, is something for him. 

A friend, and as he readies for bed, Tim finds himself already excited for their half-planned lunch. 

[idontfindyouthatinteresting]

The Last of Us Part 2: Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.

- Confucius

HUGE SPOILERS - DO NOT READ THIS WITHOUT HAVING FINISHED THE LAST OF US PART 2

This game was not for me. Let me be clear by what that means, I played The Last of Us Part 1 only this year, after hearing a lot about it being amazing and realizing I actually got the game for free with my PS4 many years ago and it’s sat in a drawer since. I don’t like horror games, I particularly don’t do zombies. I hit a couple of walls but I finished the game, and I was happy when I did. I felt and was very vocal about how the power of the performances and the narrative got me through that game and left me feeling good about something that was so contrary to everything I enjoy in video games and media generally.

The Last Of Us Part 2 pushed this to it’s absolute limit, came within a hairs width of breaking. When it was done I was overjoyed it was done, that I didn’t have to tear, hack and beat anyone else. 

If this game had an Uncharted style quote tag line, it would without doubt be “before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves” in playing this game, I felt like I was burying Ellie, the painful dichotomy of having to physically push her forward yourself whilst the entire time wanting her to stop,  every time she hit another mark, every time the rabbit hole got deeper and the people around her suffered, every time her ruthless pursuit of revenge dumped her in another Scrambler hell hole. The violence in this game is suffocating and I would not be critical of anyone who needed to put it aside and take a breath.

As much as the violence is one of the centre tenets of the game, those who enjoy that sort of game, probably won’t be into this one. It is constantly self critical, the effect of what the characters are going through is beautifully translated in the performances and counterpointed when you’re asked to view the last of humanity at war with one another for nothing beyond tribal angst or trek through the museum, zoo or aquarium, taking care of JJ, listening to Dina talk about her faith, in one of the games small moments of peace. Something Naughty Dog does well consistently.

The score, hell the score, from tender solo guitars to that heart pounding combat suite, was perfect. Tension was something I expected from this game based on the first and it delivered. 

Gameplay was great, I’ve seen some reviews state that it’s what was offered in the first game, still happy with it. It’s not what you got in the first game it’s more complex, satisfying and flexible. 

I love rooting and looting for things, I love the satisfaction of having a full kit and all the materials to craft more. There were minor changes to the system whereby your characters have to read prepper type guides to learn their skills and if you don’t find them you don’t get the skills. As I literally enter a level and follow the wall left until I’ve covered every surface I didn’t have a problem with missing too much (I don’t know how I missed coins, cards and journals my first play through, where the hell are they?!) but if you’re not thorough you’re going to struggle.

There were also new types of equipment and weapons, but also a whole new character. At the start, playing as Abby through the sort of tutorial run, and then seeing her kill Joel, I was not looking forward to playing as her. Concerned about the drive I’d have to play as that character, dreading it, really. You learn to care and love Abby very quickly, and I know I’m not alone in this. In truth, her and Ellie are the same, and if you can manage sympathy for Ellie in her fits of revenge, then you cannot be critical of Abby and what she did. The ultimate comment on the violence, that it’s circular, cannot be without consequence, on your heart and soul, on those around you. Dig two graves.

Abby is an amazing character to be. She packs a punch, her fight against the Rat King my god. A nod and a wink to Daryl Dixon in parts. She sacrifices everything she has to protect Yara and Lev, testaments to how the violence must stop, she’s becoming a protector of that and I’d love to see how that develops in a potential third game.

The most jarring part of Abby’s story is the point where you’re hunting Ellie, hunting yourself. This is an odd sensation, something that I found in Detroit: Become Human when you’re having a foot pursuit with, yourself. When you’re playing both sides, do you want to fight hard enough? how are you supposed to win? The thing, is you’re not. You lose either way. Another point of self criticism in this game.

Joel is a constant specter in this game. In the first game he provides stability, consistency, the moments that he’s unwell and failing are some of the most terrifying, begging for him back. Joel will know what to do. The truth of it is, is that Joel is just swept up in the story, completing his dead friends final wish, a delivery job. 

The one act that he has that is his own, the one thing he does to drive the narrative beyond simply survive is take Ellie out of that hospital and lie to her, dooming humanity in the process. The difficulty is of course, I’d have done the same.

The importance of that moment and that decision cannot be understated, that hospital door returns and returns like a fever dream in Part 2 for both Ellie and Abby it was their defining moments for much of the game and truly the narrative is how they overcome what happened in that room. For Abby it houses guilt and Ellie it houses lies.

Still in part 2, despite being dead Joel is stability, familiarity in a strange world, warmth and home. The non-linear elements provide a breath of fresh air when it’s needed. He’s such a likable character, papa bear who just can’t let go and it’s endearing.

I hadn’t seen the spoilers, I don’t know if people saw his death scene before the game came out, but I hadn’t and when I finally did it was truly horrendous. Ellie’s pleads for him to get up I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget them, that if he’d just get up everything would suddenly be fine just proves his role as a source of stability. Just like Ellie the whole game I was waiting for Joel to turn up, to miraculously and inexplicably be ok and sort everything out. The hopelessness of this is very real and powerful.

Sometimes, we watch films, listen to music, experience art that is upsetting, and makes us reflect, this game is that. There are no winners, I didn’t beat this game, this game beat me, relentlessly. But this experience is important, and thought provoking, and powerful. Effortlessly beautiful, all about the details. 

This is not what anyone expected from a sequel to The Last of Us, but it’s what it needed to be. It stands alone in this genre but should stand proud.

Play this game, but take care of yourself as you do it. It asks a lot of you.

[tomasorban]

Supernatural Stories of the Aboriginal People: An Interview with Steven Strong

Steven Strong (and his co-researcher/author Evan Strong) are no strangers to New Dawn readers. They are best known for their articles, interviews and publications on the controversial theory that Australia was the cradle of civilisation – the home of an Original humanity that branched out into other parts of the world to seed culture and a more advanced way of being.

Steven’s knowledge is steeped in secret Aboriginal lore and rituals that for obvious reasons cannot be divulged to the general public. His – and Evan’s – mission is informing the wider Australian community on the forgotten heritage of the Original people and the metaphysical changes happening right now in this country.

Recently Steven was interviewed by Jeffery Pritchett & Wahabah Hadia Al Mu’id (WHAM) for their online radio show. The interview covered the Strong’s work about Australia as the cradle of civilisation but Steven also shed light on personal encounters with the mysterious and supernatural. He speaks of an Original way of being foreign to the vast majority of Australians, but lived and practiced by members of indigenous communities, especially the Clever Fellas and Elders.

The following is an edited extract from Steven’s spoken interview with Jeffery & WHAM in April.

Jeffery Pritchett (JP): I’ve heard the Aboriginal people are connected in some way to the Pleiadians [ancient extraterrestrials from the star system of the Pleiades that have an interest in Earth]?

Steven Strong (SS): Way back at the start when I was given a very strong ceremony by the Ramindjeri [Aboriginal people of Kangaroo Island, South Australia], I sat down at the finish and they told us about circumnavigating the world in a figure 8 in ancient times. And one of the elders turned to me and said, “You do realise in the old days, there were other ways we travelled this earth?” I knew what he was talking about, he was talking about moving through the air.

They are absolutely obsessed with the Pleiadians. In fact, I’ve had elders who will finish their conversation by repeating the same thing time after time. They tell me the Pleiadians are their countrymen, they are part of them. Quite recently a genetic study has come out to confirm this. What we’ve now found is the Original people have a genetic strand that no one has ever seen before. And the scary part for the mainstream is they don’t know where it’s from. They cannot associate it with any hominid, semi-hominid, or other Homo sapiens on the planet. It’s only found in Australia with the Original people.

I know it’s the Pleiadian gene they’ve found. And the reason why they can’t find it anywhere on this planet is because they have their eyes permanently fixed down, they should be looking up. In fact, this is why we talk about this now, not because I had a chance but because I promised we would tell their story. I don’t meet an elder who will not talk about the Pleiadians. We are pushed into a story that I remember on one occasion I said we’d never touch. In fact our first three books, published by University Press in America, never mentioned it. We never mention this story. We’re coming into this story simply because we don’t have a choice. And the Original elders have made it clear, we must talk about this part of the story now. That’s what we’re doing, we’re only doing what we’re told.

JP: When it comes to the Pleiadians and the Aboriginals, what is the creation story?

SS: I’ve got two rocks, two marked rocks, and the elders have told me the full story with those two rocks. And they’ve shown me the rocks and they’ve shown me how it’s put together. Those two rocks are called Ros’ rock 1 and 2. My main elder is a Clever Fella and can do things you shouldn’t be able to do in any science book today, and I’ve seen him do it. He told me one day, after knowing I had this rock [Ros rock 1] for a couple of years. (I’ve got to tell you something about Original elders – when you’re working with them, don’t ask them a question because they’ll never answer it. They’ll ask another question you can’t answer and they’ll answer that question a year later.)

A year and a half passed when Karno told me the full story of that rock, and it’s basically the beginning. What he said was that way back in the Dreaming, at the very beginning, the Pleiadians came in the totem of the Goanna, which is the one that gives wisdom. When they came to this country (Australia), they asked permission. They didn’t barge in – they asked permission to come. They came here looking for the best that was on this planet and they found the Original people, but they said no. The story goes that the eagle and the crow fought against the Goanna, the Pleiadians. The eagle and the crow are the Original people. And they couldn’t come, they could not come. But one day, according to the elders, the crow saw the wisdom of the Pleiadians and changed sides. And then what happened was the fight continued and the crow and the Goanna defeated the eagle. And they came and landed on this country. Then what they did, because they’d won the battle, is the Goanna asked the eagle for some totem or memento of his victory, and he was given the claws of the eagle, and the laws of the Pleiadians were scratched into this rock we have now. The Original story is we were given this information from the Pleiadians, and the second rock talks about the Original people and their contribution.

They look upon this as a unification of two different species. The Pleiadians did not come to this planet to subjugate, or to mine, or anything like that. They came here to find a body to incarnate into. What we have according to these people is the best of both worlds. From this planet, the Original people, and from outside, the Pleiadians. Together they created a set of genes. I look upon something like the walkabout genes, where you go off and find your own salvation and your own wisdom. The Original people were told to spread around the world, and therefore every human on this planet has within them the Original and Pleiadian genes. And yes I know, some of us may have those Assyrian genes [a reference to the Anunnaki slave race creation], very much more compliant.

What we have today in our genetic bank is an absolute dog’s breakfast of genes from all over this planet. We’ve got Denisovan and Neanderthal genes within us, and genes from outside. The story goes that the day would come when each person would be demanded and asked to look for their Pleiadian genes and to strike out and find the truth. That’s why they seeded the whole of this planet with their genes – they had a long term plan. The story I’m told is it’s now time for every human being on this planet to access their Pleiadian-Original genes and find the wisdom and truth. Because if they rely on the other ones, they’ll end up on the wrong side of the equation when the cutoff line appears.

There is a long, long story about the Pleiadians being part of this particular continent. I can’t speak on behalf of Africa and places where other mobs came, that’s not our issue here. We just talk about what happened here. Now the Original people are telling us the time for the Pleiadian-Original genes to come to fruition, to give us wisdom and an alternative to what we have today, which is appalling, is now upon us. Original history and archaeology doesn’t run in a straight line – it runs in a circle. And the circle, ladies and gentlemen, has been completed.

JP: When it comes to the Dreamtime, I’m wondering your perception on it? When I was 17 I went through testicular cancer and chemo. And then a year later my dad died, and I started to attract UFO activity. Multiple witnesses have seen all kinds of stuff with me. And I’ve seen some different types of beings. I’ve seen beings made out of energy, what I call a luminous being or beings made out of light. And I’ve kind of come to the conclusion through talking to other shamans that they’re us without our bodies on some levels. I’m kind of curious, what is the Dreamtime?

SS: If I was to give a fairly reasonable description of the Dreaming it would probably finish in about three hours. But I think we’re going to have to go the 101 because it’s so difficult. Look, the Dreaming is about connecting with the Spirit and about connecting with our reality, but it’s a lot more than that. It’s not a religion. Original people don’t have churches, they don’t have steeples and they don’t have altars. How can I best put it? It runs something like this…

A young man or woman around 14 or 15 or 16, when it’s determined they become adults, goes through some very severe cuts and a lot of pain, because most Original learning comes through pain. What’ll happen is once the boy has been cut and he’s taken on site, he goes out into the bush on his own. Then the uncle will watch him from a distance, but won’t have a thing to do with him. He’ll be on his own for three or four months. During that period he makes his own connection with the Dreaming. Original people believe every human being has magic within them, they think it’s like breathing. Everyone of us has it. What that person then does is finds their own magic, finds their own way of communicating with the spirits.

You’ve got to remember, in our society the spirits are in the land, they’re in the trees, they’re in a blade of grass, they’re everywhere and they watch us eternally. I’ll give you a very good example of what happened to us when we offended the spirits and the Dreaming acted upon us. We went to a site. Our elder that takes us in, Auntie Beve [Darkinoong Elder], was unwell at the time and couldn’t smoke us, and we always get ceremonied before we go on site. I had another ceremony given to me by Uncle Jerry, six of us did it, and we walked into this place. It was full of orbs and we filmed them. As we came in a brown owl flew out and left a feather. We thought that was a good sign. Oh my god, it wasn’t. Anyways, we did our business for the day, filmed what we saw, and it was quite amazing. We did some work on the carvings and engravings and paintings there.

I went back that night to Gosford [New South Wales] and we sat around talking about what we saw that day, and I got a phone call from my elder. My elder lives in Kangaroo Island, that’s 3,500 kilometres away. We’d left that site five hours ago, and he rang me. I knew I was in trouble. Normally what happens is when the elder speaks, someone else rings you and tells you to ring them. They don’t approach you, you must approach them. This time he was approaching me. And I’ve had that a couple of times and it means I’m getting growled at. This time was huge. This is how the conversation went. He said, “You’ve been on country today.” I said, “Yes, but Karno it’s not your country.” He said, “I know that, but did you smoke yourself today?” I said, “Well no.” He said, “I have a red kangaroo here, and that red kangaroo is telling me the whole story of what happened. You did another ceremony, didn’t you?” I said, “Yes, I did.” He said, “Well that was just accepted but they’re not happy.” And he told me, “If you ever go on site again without smoking yourself, they will kill you. That is your last warning.” And then he hung up.

Now my question is, I never told him about this. How did he know 3,500 km away I was walking on country and had broken a law? That owl flew out and told someone else, who told another animal and went across and told Karno. I’ve figured that message travelled 700 kilometres per hour to get to him. How he got that message was through the animals. In the Dreaming, if you really are locked in with the Dreaming, you can communicate with animals, you can communicate with everything.

I’ll go to another story. This same guy [Karno], when [British author] Graham Hancock and I sat round a campfire, he disappeared completely. We all know that. He smiled as he did it, and then reappeared about three seconds later, about 50 metres behind someone else. We asked his wife how did he do this. She said, “I don’t know, I’ve never seen that one before.” He told me later, “The disappearing is nothing. I come from this place and we all do. The only difference is I know it and you’re not sure. Once you know it, everything is possible.” What is the Dreaming? It’s us finding our true powers, our true reality and our true purpose in life.

JP: Do the Aboriginals ever say anything about Yowies or Sasquatch?

SS: Yes they speak about them. I’ve been to Yowie country, and I’ve met the keeper of the Yowies. I won’t write about it, because you get smashed. I get smashed enough as it is. I just can’t afford another punch in the face for that one. Do I know they exist? Absolutely. In fact, on one occasion we went into country, and the elders made it clear because they’d been finding all these kangaroos and wallabies with their heads ripped off, because the Yowie is incredibly powerful. They made it clear that if we went on to that country, we had to sing the song of the Yowies before we could get there. He said don’t go in there without that song or they will attack you. There were six of us, and we all sung. None of us questioned for one second what they told us. So yes, it is very much a part of Australia.

We also had big robust people with massive skulls, 1540 cc, and they stood about 6 foot 6, but they’re not Yowies. We had tiny people that were 3 foot high, I’ve got pictures of them, a whole tribe of 150 people smaller than pygmies. Then there are other groups they talk about. My understanding is there’s at least four different types of Original people in Australia still existing to this day. It’s a very common story about the Yowies. But finding them is bloody hard because these guys are masters of deception and camouflage, and they will show themselves when they want to be shown. That’s the only way you’ll see one.

JP: What other stories of the supernatural can you share?

SS: Four days ago an elder rang me up, 4,000 km away. I’d been waiting four weeks for the phone call. I’d just set my 150 rocks into two formations. She rang me up and said, “Been waiting four weeks to ring you, I’m ringing you now because now’s the time to ring.” She said: “You’ve got those rocks in formation right now, haven’t you?” I said, “Yes.” She said, “You’ve got someone sitting inside there haven’t you?” I said, “Yes.” “He’s a good man, he can stay there, pass that on.” And then she hung the phone up. 4,000 km away. How did she know I just took the rocks out an hour before and put them in two circles and joined them up? That, ladies and gentlemen, is what we could do, all of us. I didn’t know that, I can’t do it, and I probably never will because I’m not as wise as they are. My job is to be pragmatic and try to convince people through logic and science it’s true. But I can tell you this now, I swear on a stack of bibles, what I’m telling you is true. That woman rang us up and said, “You’ve got your rocks in formation.” How did she know? She was 4,000 km away. This is what we could be.

Instead what we get is phones where we press buttons and play games. I remember recently I was in a train in Melbourne. I was with a friend and we were lost in the city and we didn’t know where we were going. There were about 80 people in four carriages and no one was talking, not one of them. All they were doing is sitting there pressing buttons, wasting their lives, and going to work and coming back the next day and then going back again. They don’t think they’re slaves, and they don’t think they’re trapped. They are, because they’ve been sucked into this system that’s wrong.

We’re trying to wake people up to the truth of what Original people know. Remember this, I’m not only talking about the Original people [in Australia], there are many people that have this story. We have to look to all our indigenous people because they are the only ones that can save us now. We go down this path [of materialism and technology obsession] and we are done for. We really are. And it’s time for the Original, and they are coming out, believe me, they are coming out.

Aboriginal painting of Baiame, a creator Spirit of the Dreaming, Baiame Cave, Milbrodale, New South Wales.

>read full article<

[blookmallow]

and now we return to outlast 2, where- 

THINGS KEEP GETTING SO, SO MUCH WORSE

(i have... a LOT im trying to process about this whole section sorry for upcoming text walls. really nasty #blood / #gore in here as well though) (i didnt realize i was This far behind on liveblogs lmao i drafted this. a while ago and didnt get back to it until now) 

---

so i fell off the bridge (shock. horror. who could have predicted this) and right into the scalled village

what.............happened to you 

fuCKING GO D

so it turns out “the scalled” are... some kind of leper colony banned from the town and left to fester and rot out here alone 

most of them are just lying around suffering and dying, i dont know what the fuck happened to them, there’s some mention of like. wildly untreated syphilis/potentially other stds they’re being told is their curse for the sins they’ve committed but does.... syphilis do that to you. it might actually be leprosy i dont know i dont want to research this. all i can think about is when i watched jesus christ superstar in high school and the leper colony song where they’re all crowding around jesus all trying to touch him REALLY freaked me out for a while

i mean its like. probably a combination of disease left horrifically untreated and massively infected given the absolutely appalling conditions these people are living in (everything’s run down and full of blood and shit and who knows what else), starvation, who knows what they’re even finding to eat out here so that’s probably causing even more disease but still jesus christ

at first it just made me really sad, sure these people came from temple gate too so they were. fucked up cultists to begin with but a lot of this is like... result of longterm emotional and mental abuse and manipulation, some of these people might not have started out as depraved evil murderers, and like. nobody deserves to live like this. except knoth lmao throw him down here, but

so i thought maybe it would turn out that you realize they’re human too, they’re just in a fucking LOT of pain and maybe you can’t do anything to help them (i dont think there’s any hope for anyone down here at this point) but maybe they’d turn out to be on my side and do something to help me fight back against the leader who abandoned them, “the most absolutely fucked up looking people are actually the most human” kind of thing but uh. that is not how things went. at all, 

ill get into How Fucking Bad this got in a second lmao but like

most of them dont really do anything to you other than bleed on you and beg you for help, some people lash out but thats like, understandable given the horrifying state they’re in, but

as it turns out, being the “scalled messiah” is a VERY bad thing, they went from occasionally lashing out at me to outright tracking me down to murder me to death which, like, honestly kind of disappointing

bc one of the things i liked the most about the first outlast was how many of the prisoners were clearly just victims too, some of them (lookin at you, naked twin guys,) were just evil and murderous but some of them were just very very mentally unwell (exacerbated by horrible living conditions and the fact that the people who were supposed to be protecting them and helping them recover were actively, intentionally working to make their symptoms worse) and couldn’t really be blamed for acting violently toward you, but

then sometimes there’s people who warn you about dangers ahead, people sitting in corners hiding and scared and wont hurt you unless you give them a reason to think you might be a threat, people just trying to stay alive, people who need help 

but that’s. not the case here, and there’s definitely a particular kind of horror in “absolutely no one in this hell town can be trusted, nobody will help me, everyone here wants to hurt me and every time i think ive made any kind of progress it gets so much worse” (except that ONe guy who tried to protect me. im still sad about him) but. i dont know i feel like there’s a missed opportunity here. im not sure if im supposed to feel like the scalled deserve to be like this because of the kind of people they were before, but i dont. i feel like the “what the fucking shit HAPPENED to these people” horror is heightened by the realization that they’re people, and just kinda using them as attack zombies is. missing something, somehow. i dont know, i cant figure out how to word what i want to say here 

i mean its absolutely fucking horrifying, i was scared out of my mind going through all this, and i still gotta give props to a video game experience that left me legitimately feeling like i needed to go take a shower and crawl under a blanket for a while 

i guess ultimately with outlast im coming here to be scared shitless more than anything else and boy did they ever fucking deliver

ok im gonna stop bc i will keep talking in circles about this forever if i dont, moving on

WHAT EVEN ARE THESE GUYS, APART FROM COMPLETELY TERRIBLE

im guessing theres some kind of... inbreeding birth defect situation going on here but i cant even process what im looking at 

that and its hard to look at them at all considering the only times i see them im getting murdered to death. my panicked screenshots hoping to get a better look later did not help 

PRETTY SURE THEY JUST MADE HIM DRINK THEIR BLOOD, 

how the fuck has my dude not thrown up like 90 times already. im glad he hasnt bc im bad emetophobia but outlast 1 did it so im honestly surprised that hasnt happened unless ive just forgotten it in the blur of nightmares im going through here 

OH

THAT’S... NOT GOOD

THAT IS REALLY, REALLY NOT GOOD

FUCK SHIT MOTHERFUCKING FUCK

i gotta say im impressed with how FAR they GO with this one, i have no idea how much game i have left but considering this isnt even the ending i am HORRIFIED to see what the fuck is gonna happen next 

i mean outlast 1 has you getting your fucking fingers sliced off and whistleblower has. That Scene (even though like. it stops before waylon actually gets cut its REALLY CLOSE)  

this whole time i kept thinking something would happen and they’d get interrupted, I’d escape somehow, they aren’t really going to have the player character get literally fucking crucified from your own perspective,

but then the nails go in 

and you’ve got one hand literally nailed to a cross

and then they start the other one 

and i was like, WOW FUCK, THEY ACTUALLY DID IT, BUT NOW HE’LL ESCAPE... SOMEHOW.... RIGHT ??? 

but they lift it up 

and you’re hanging there 

and for a second i legitimately thought it was gonna end there for him, i thought he was actually just going to die there and the game would continue with lynn or something (which, to be fair, would be a pretty cool twist, but i dont WANT blake to just die here like this) 

ANYWAY!! FUCKING GOD, THAT SURE HAPPENED 

but against all odds HE SOMEHOW DIDNT FUCKING DIE, and managed to find the strength to rIP HIS HANDS OUT OF THE NAILS AND FALL DOWN

i cannot fucking IMAGINE what that would feel like. i dont want to imagine it but i sure the fuck am now 

i dont know if its possible to like. die from bleeding out in this scene if you dont find the bandages fast enough but it sure felt like i was going to 

fucking hell i can practically feel it in my real hands i HATE THIS i HATe it

god. fuck. im gonna be thinking about this scene for the rest of my life i didnt think anything would ever be worse than the finger slicing scene in outlast 1 but this. i think this wins

wHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!?!??? THERES SOMETHING CHASING ME IN THE SCHOOL FLASHBACKS NOW IM NOT EVEN SAFE HERE ANYMORE

WHAT *IS* THAT??!??

w OA h

i still have no IDEA whats going on with these flashbacks either, clearly his classmate hung herself and he feels subconsciously responsible for it because he didn’t do anything to stop her (though it doesn’t sound like he Could have done anything, and. they were kids), there’s definitely some buried trauma he never dealt with thats resurfacing now but

i still dont think its just a manifestation of trauma, because like. the recordings are still coming out as fucked up static, if he was just having really intense hallucinations there wouldn’t be any record on the camera, it would just be him filming nothing and talking to himself through a panic attack, it wouldn’t be getting consistently corrupted ONLY during the flashbacks so what the fuck is happening 

COLA

DRINK IT

i m losing it its the cola machines from the first game i diD NOT EXPECT THESE TO BE HERE 

what the fuck is christian salad 

you didn’t think i would see this, outlast devs, you thought you could hide this on the menu board and i wouldnt notice. i did notice and i demand answers

NO!!!! THAT IS THE OPPOSITE OF OKAY THIS IS THE LEAST OKAY I HAVE EVER BEEN IN MY LIFE 

WELL!!!!! OKAY!!!! ALRIGHT!!!! NOW THAT I’VE BEEN LITERALLY FUCKING CRUCIFIED, FELL DOWN A HILL AND STRAIGHT INTO A FENCE OF BARBED WIRE, GOT DRAGGED OUT HERE AND BURIED ALIVE, CRAWLED MY WAY OUT OF MY OWN GRAVE AND NOW HAVE HOARDS OF DISEASED ZOMBIE NIGHTMARE CULTISTS SEARCHING FOR ME SO THEY CAN DEVOUR MY FLESH, LET’S GET GOING, SHALL WE 

THIS IS FINE!!! EVERYTHING IS FINE I CANT SEE SHIT AND THERES NOTHING BUT TREES AND BARBED WIRE EVERYWHERE AND NO INDICATIONS WHATSOEVER OF WHERE I NEED TO GO BUT IT’S F IN E IM DOING GREAT 

[politicalprocrastinator]

Lads the depression be kicking in today so / going to rewatch the Princess diaries movie (a masterpiece in it's own right) and try not to get too upset about the fact we will probably never get the 10 season sitcom adaptation of the far superior novels because Disney owns the rights

I am still obsessed with the fire station mia lives in. Much nicer than the shitty loft described in the books.

The soundtrack still slaps

It's all so 00s I'm living

Would it have killed them to make fat Louie ginger?

Julie Andrews is sublime as she is in this film but I would kill to see her as grandmere from the books with the tattoeed eyebrows

Josh is literally one of the most one dimensional characters in the book why do they make such a big deal of him in the film???

God Michael was so badly cast. Were short guys with terrible haircuts actually considered attractive in 2001?

A concept: 2007 Andrew Garfield as Michael.

Why does Michael have so many fans he has literally no friends in the books and I prefer it that way

Joe is the only man superior in the movie than the book

Amazing how mia has no opinions in the film it's all lily

She has no objections to monarchy. OK den.

Sandra Oh deserves an Oscar for that scene where she says "The Queen is coming"

Michael and Mia have absolutely no chemistry I'm so let down that's such a great book ship

The dinner also deserves an Oscar. Comedy gold.

Asfdjk I forgot the random sub plot about that woman who is trying to steal the throne

God I love the scene where Julie Andrews takes the day off. I adore her but she is not as funny as the book character.

Julie refusing the umbrella is a Mary Poppins joke isn't it?

Book Mia would probably be pissed off with her grandma for abusing her privilege the way she did with the police officers

How much hair gel does Josh need? He looks like he swam there.

Aw I miss the new York setting even though San Francisco is gorgeous in this film

Lana, Anna and Fontana. Iconic.

Bitch! There's an 11th book where Mia and Michael have a royal wedding! Why did no one tell me!!!

Oh god the hut scene is so awkward. I feel unwell.

Um all the betrayals hit too close to home. Fucking hell.

That smarties pizza is cute but would taste disgusting tbr

Mia... Ur car has a roof... U could have just pulled it over... U know sitting in the rain is a big mood but its completely unnecessary

At least Mia has her docs in this adaptation... The bare minimum...

Mia if u cared about the other 7 billion ppl on the planet ud renounce the crown and redistribute ur wealth babe x

@julie Andrews r u taking granddaughter applications? I will also accept Dick Van Dyke as a terrible cockney granddad

Oh god... Michael's barnet... No wonder they replaced this guy with Chris Pratt. We deserve Andrew Garfield.

And it's not just cos he's short. It cos he doesn't have the personality of book Michael. (but it's also cos he's short. I'm sorry. I like tall bois and tall girls OK)

Excellent movie. 8/10 overall and I deducted those 2 points simply because Michael is just wrong sorry not sorry

[olehistorian]

Almost unrecognisable from her role as the dowdy housekeeper in Downton Abbey, Phyllis Logan is starring in an exotic new medical drama. She talks to Judith Woods about seizing the day and those Downton movie rumours… 'Obviously I never had a career to speak of before Downton Abbey,’ says Phyllis Logan drily, raising an eyebrow for further effect. ‘I sometimes wonder how on earth did I fill my time?’ It’s not true, of course, but we all know what she means: sometimes a jobbing actress is swept away by a juggernaut of a role that takes her a very long way from where she used to be. The Downton effect has had an impact on the career of every member of its award-winning ensemble cast. Lily James has starred in the BBC’s War & Peace and the movie Cinderella, Michelle Dockery landed a role as a criminal in the gritty US show Good Behavior, Joanne Froggatt played a serial killer in the ITV series Dark Angel – and now Phyllis is set to star in a new ITV drama series, The Good Karma Hospital. But it’s her years in service to the Crawley family that have made her a poster girl for ladies of a certain age who refuse to accept that life holds no more adventure. When her doughty but warm-hearted character Mrs Hughes finally found love with the pompous but kindly butler Mr Carson, it struck a blow for midlife love. In those days ‘Mrs’ was an honorific title bestowed on senior female staff, regardless of whether they had ever wed, so Mrs Hughes’s comical angst about whether he would be expecting ‘a full marriage’ struck a chord with any woman over 40 who has ever fretted about going to bed with a new partner. ‘Mrs Hughes was aerated about the sex thing because she probably hadn’t had much experience, but that turned out to be the least of her bloomin’ worries,’ acknowledges Phyllis. ‘God preserve us all from nitpicking middle-aged men who can’t abide change.’ In the phenomenally successful series, which ran for six seasons, Mr Carson (played by Jim Carter) turned out to be irrevocably stuck in his ways – the routines of the big house where he had been serving for many years. Ironically, it was his new wife’s performance in the couple’s kitchen (as opposed to the bedroom) that proved his greatest source of disappointment. Eventually, with affectionate pragmatism, the pair decided he should eat his meals at the Downton kitchen, cooked by Mrs Patmore, as before. ‘It’s a very identifiable scenario,’ says Phyllis, 61. ‘When a more mature couple makes a life together, each brings certain expectations and baggage and of course there’s always need for compromise, which some men in particular find difficult. Phyllis, once best known for playing posh totty Lady Jane Felsham in the 1980s and 90s series Lovejoy, was a late starter herself when it came to settling down. She met her husband, Pirates of the Caribbean actor Kevin McNally, in the 1993 miniseries Love and Reason when she was in her late 30s, but they didn’t get round to tying the knot until she was 55. ‘I had always sworn I would never have an actor in the house because they are so much trouble and so vain, but you can’t legislate for Cupid’s bow,’ she says. When she got together with Kevin, theirs was not a series of careful compromises but a classic coup de foudre. ‘I never thought real love – the sort where your blood tingles and your world explodes with joy – would happen to me at my time of life. I believed I had missed out. But I’m ever so glad it happened.’ A couple of years later, aged 40, she had their son David. He is now 20 and studying music and music production at university in Leeds. Once upon a time, reaching six decades was a milestone to be dreaded rather than celebrated, but, in well-cut jeans and a flattering floaty top, her burnished hair hanging loose, Phyllis provides incontrovertible proof that though life may not begin at 60, it sure as heck continues at a rip-roaring pace – as long as you have the right attitude towards the rollercoaster. ‘We packed David off to university not so long ago and as we drove back to our house in West London we were listening to the Elaine Paige show on Radio 2,’ recalls Phyllis. ‘She played Peggy Lee singing “The Folks Who Live on the Hill” and as soon as I heard the line “and when the kids grow up and leave us” I burst into absolute floods of tears and spent the rest of the journey splashing about in the passenger seat. But since then I’ve thought a lot about empty nest syndrome and how once your chick flies the coop it gives women the freedom to stretch their own wings once more, too.’ And as fate would have it, Phyllis’s new role in The Good Karma Hospital has allowed her to do just that and will doubtless prove a source of inspiration to a great many female viewers in a similar position. Set in India, the series features another estimable actress, Amanda Redman, 59, who plays an eccentric expat running a ramshackle cottage hospital, which is short on resources and long on compassion. ‘It’s a cross between Holby City and The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel but with dark secrets, so it should be right up everybody’s street,’ says Phyllis. ‘I play Maggie Smart, who has come to India for her daughter’s wedding and becomes unwell, so ends up in hospital and falls deeply in love. Not with a man – she already has a husband – but rather with the community, the culture and the way of life. She’s a fascinating character who has such humour and joie de vivre and it was great to play a woman finding herself and connecting with a wider spirituality.’ Phyllis spent months filming the six-part series on location in Sri Lanka. She, too, found herself smitten with the place and the people and at one point Kevin flew over from the US where he is in the cast of the US television series Turn: Washington’s Spies and they managed a 12-day break together. ‘We stayed in a hotel on the beach and it was bliss. The majority of the population are Buddhists and seemed so calm, open and thankful for whatever life gave them; I think we could all learn from them.’ All the same, Phyllis isn’t entirely convinced she believes in karma as a concept. ‘It would be nice to think that if you are a decent human being then eventually things will turn out right,’ she says. ‘But fate can intervene and pull the rug out from under you without warning and there might be nothing you can do.’ It is something she and Kevin can speak of from personal experience. Phyllis’s mother died from a dementia-related illness aged 90, but it was the agonisingly slow decline of Kevin’s mother over many years that proved more devastating. ‘Kev’s mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in her early 60s and from then on his father became her carer and it was so hard for him. She reached the point where she didn’t recognise her own son and was agitated and upset because she had no idea where she was or who she was; that was heartbreaking to witness.’ Phyllis is an ambassador for Dementia UK and does what she can to support the charity’s work. ‘It’s such a cruel disease. I am aware there’s a genetic component so I do brain-training on my phone every day. Will that help stave it off? I have no idea; I think of Iris Murdoch – such a clever woman who dealt with words and complex memories all her life, and yet all those things that made her so creative and unique were taken while she was still alive. Ultimately, all you can do is cross your fingers and make the most of every day.’ Phyllis is certainly doing that. Last year was a veritable Air Miles bonanza; as well as her sojourn in Sri Lanka she went to Sydney for a Downton DVD launch, Los Angeles where the ensemble cast of Downton won yet another Screen Actors Guild Award, and then to New York to receive the prestigious Great Scot Award from the US branch of the National Trust for Scotland (previous recipients include comedian Billy Connolly and actor Alan Cumming). She wore a dress bought in John Lewis embellished for the occasion with a tartan sash and matching ribbon. ‘I’m not interested in fashion,’ Phyllis confides. ‘It’s just not on my radar. Whenever I’m doing a contemporary role, the wardrobe mistress will usually say, “Let’s go to Selfridges and get a personal shopper.” Most women would probably love it, but my face falls because I absolutely hate trying on clothes. One of the things I loved about Downton was the fact I had two outfits and maybe a coat if I got to go into the village; the girls in the Crawley family kept having to go for fittings every time there was a big dinner, which would have driven me mad.’ Logan loves… Reading Alan Bennett’s Keeping On Keeping On. I love him; my husband Kev played him in the stage version of The Lady in the Van. Listening to The Today programme on Radio 4 and Classic FM. Watching I do enjoy a good nature documentary. Planet Earth II was spectacularly good. Guilty pleasure A whole bag of Kettle Chips with a crisp glass of Picpoul de Pinet. Beauty product Boots No7 moisturiser; it’s not fancy but it does the job. Desert island luxury A karaoke machine, stage, lights and all the songs from the 70s. I’ll make a row of coconuts for an audience and there’ll be no stopping me. The ongoing international popularity of Downton means Phyllis and various other cast members are still asked to appear at events to meet the fans and launch DVDs. She’s often asked about her wigs and whether she kept one; she had three identical hairpieces all of which she affectionately dubbed Elsie. ‘People ask me if I was tempted to take a wig or that big bunch of keys I carried, but that would be theft, because these things aren’t my property,’ says Phyllis emphatically. ‘Besides, if there’s a Downton movie, which I hope will happen, all the props and costumes will be needed.’ Ah yes, the Downton film; rumours still swirl but so far there’s been no confirmation. According to Phyllis it may yet happen if – and it’s a huge if – the cast members can ever be gathered in one place long enough. ‘It’s like herding cats!’ she laughs. ‘We’re all so busy and in different countries, but it would be such fun to get together again. The camaraderie on set was extraordinary.’ Phyllis was in every episode of the family saga. Her husband even appeared in a handful of episodes as Horace Bryant, the stern father of an army major who fraternised with housemaid Ethel (Amy Nuttall), getting her pregnant before he died in action. Horace persuaded her to hand over his grandchild to him, which was brutal but necessary as she had been sacked from Downton in disgrace and had taken to prostitution in order to survive. ‘I was quite miffed that the producer had offered Kev a job without even consulting me,’ laughs Phyllis. ‘I wouldn’t dream of queering his pitch – although I do think I’d be great as Johnny Depp’s mother in a Pirates of the Caribbean film [in which Kevin plays Joshamee Gibbs]. And every lad needs a cuddle from his mother now, doesn’t he?’ Her eyes glitter with the sort of mischief Mrs Hughes would most certainly not approve of, but now Phyllis has emerged from the shadow of her fictional alter ego, she is keen to push boundaries. Last summer she resolved to challenge herself by taking on a theatre role in a dazzling touring production of Noël Coward’s Present Laughter, alongside Samuel West. ‘The prospect of going back on stage was a bit frightening, but that is exactly why I embraced it,’ she says. ‘I can be a bit of a scaredy-cat so I have to push myself and I was so very glad I did. It took me right back to my early days as an actress: booking my own digs, sitting on the seafront on my day off eating fish and chips. I also got to see fascinating places such as Canterbury, Cambridge and Brighton.’ Seeing the world – be it near or far – is something she gently urges all women to do once the kids have left. ‘Travel does broaden the mind and fill the senses,’ she says. ‘It gives you a new perspective and there are so many beautiful regions in Britain that I can think of no better way to spend time than exploring them because you’re a long time dead – so carpe diem, ladies!’ The Good Karma Hospital will be on ITV next month. Phyllis is an ambassador for Dementia UK and is supporting its campaign timeforacuppa.org Styling: Natalie Read. Hair: Alex Price at Frank Agency. Make-up: Lucy Gibson at Frank Agency using Clinique. Table and vase, both Habitat Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/article-4128572/Interview-Downton-star-Phyllis-Logan.html#ixzz4WSbvI2CF Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

[deadgwen]

IT IS A HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY TO THE BEST GOAT

@fucshias  @jiilys  MY LOVE GOATY. MY MOST BEAUTIFUL GOAT. MY SUN. MY STARS. MY BEAUTIFUL HOOVED CREATURE OF GOD. I HAVE ARRIVED TO SAY SOME IMPORTANT THINGS BUT FIRSTLY I LOVE YOU I LOVE I LOVE YOU U R READING THIS POST RIGHT NOW DUE TO A VERY IMPORTANT REASON AND THIS IMPORTANT REASON IS THAT

*CHOKES BACK TEARS*

IT IS UR BIRTHDAY.

*SCREAMING*

OK OKI DOKI BEFORE I START: I AM NOT ACTUALLY HERE BUT DO NOT BE D I S E N H E AR T E N E D BC I JUST DONT HAVE WIFI BUT I PROMISE U SOMEWHERE OUT THERE I AM SULKING AND FIGHTING A WALL AND ALSO SETTING OFF FIREWORKS BC !!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS UR FUCKING DAY AND IM SORRY I COULD NOT WISH U BUT I LOVE U SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH I AM HERE W/ U IN SPIRIT

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT TURN THE FUCK UP HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY TO MY LOVE HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO U UR EXCELLENT AND I LOVE YOU AND ALSO WHAT THE FUCK BINCH HOW ARE U SEVENTEEN TODAY U ASSHOLE (COPYRIGHT U KNOW WHO) WHO ALLOWED U TO BE LIKE THIS AND ALSO I LOVE YOU. AND ALSO I CANT BELIEVE UVE DONE THIS. UR LITERALLY SEVENTEEN TODAY I AM NOT ALRIGHT AND I NEED U TO HOLD ME BECAUSE I AM GOING TO COME OVER AND FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF BEING A DRAMATIC BITCH I WILL FAINT IN UR ARMS I AM 100% NOT ALRIGHT

like,,,, HONESTLY u are so. fucking. great. WHERE DO I EVEN START. 

FIRST AND FOREMOST I WANNA SAY I AM SO FUCKING EXCITED FOR THIS FOR UR BDAY I LOVE YOU GOATY I AM SO PUMPED THAT UR SO OLD ITS RIDICULOUS @ ME FUCK OFF ALRIGHT BUT. JUST. I LOVE I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY U GOAT UR BEYOND INCREDIBLE

UR OFFICIALLY A DANCING QUEEN UR YOUNG AND SWEET. ONLY. *SMASHES OPEN MY WINDOW AT 12 MIDNIGHT* SEVENTEEEEEEEEEEEEEN

SO OH MY GOD. I AM CURRENTLY YELLING BECAUSE??????????? LIKE???????????????? YOU'RE SEVENTEEN??????? HOW DID WE EVEN COME TO THIS POINT ITS INSANE LIKE HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU SEVENTEEN WE'RE ALL JUST STILL TINY SMOLS WHERE ARE U GOING WHY ARE U GROWING OLDER STOP IT PLS ALRITE I DO NOT LIKE. MY PRECIOUS GOAT SUNSHINE WHO IS A PROFESSIONAL PAJAMA CONSULTANT A REAL SOLID BUSINESSWOMAN WHO DRIVES AND SHIT AND COULD PROBABLY RUN ME OVER AND IS 6'3 SO IF U WOULD SIT ON ME I WOULD MOST CERTAINLY DIE UR OFFICIALLY A DANCING QUEEN AND I AM CRYING

but in all seriousness I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU i am FOREVER AND EVER glad that i met u LIKE I FUCKIN HATE U GODMDAN FUCKIBG GOAT MAKING ME REBLOG THIGNS FUCK YUO FUCK O FF but like????? apart from that UR FUCKING BEYOND FABULOUS and i have decided to compile a list of reasons why u are unbelievably great and have earned ur title of being a dancing queen/brilliant goat/actual love of my life. bc u are excellent. AND IT MUST BE WRITTEN OUT HERE SOMEWHERE THAT I LOVE YOU. 

OK OK OK SO HERE WE GO BINCHES. PREPARE URSELF. THIS IS GONNA BE SUPER LENGTHY BECAUSE I LOVE YOU A LOT AND I AM GONNA DO A 'ON THE JELLICOE ROAD' WORTHY REVIEW OF U BUT LIKE A SHITTIER VERSION SO U BETTER FUNKIN BUCKLE UP BITCH

LEZGO:

IS OBVIOSULY FABULOUS

IS A REAL LIFE GIRAFFE 

WE ARE BLESSED TO HAVE ONE ROAM OUT OF CAPTIVITY LIKE............. WE ARE STRONGLY BLESSED

I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH

CLAIMS TO HAVE 'barely any leg but a huge torso' and interpret this how u want bUT i just wanna say u r the most fucked up giraffe ever ok what the fuck WHO HURT YOU

apparently dis binch owns a bunny AND NEVER TOLD ME SHE DID

owns a problematic rabbit bc it pees everywhere

said problematic rabbit likes to pee everywhere so much its ridiculous it has no respect for the value of items of modern society and thus in my opinion should be sent to COURT

@ rabbit U NASTY OK PLS GET UR PRIORITIES SORTED???? THIS HAS BEEN A MOTHERFUCKING PSA THANK U (CAROLINE I AM TRUSTING YOU TO SHOW THIS ON UR PHONE TO THE GODDAMN BUNNY I NEED IT TO KNOW)

is 100% excellent at looking after drunk people ALRITE literally THIS WOMAN IS A SAINT who has saved REAL LIVES tbh where would that poor child from your old intermediate be if u hadn't SAVED HIS ENTIRE LIFE from all that tequila he would DEAD thats fuKCIN RIGHT U DESERVE ALL THE MEDALS A TRUE HERO AMONG NEW ZEALANDERS. A NATIONAL ICON. SO BRAVE I AM SO PROUD I LOVE YOU ALWAYS

AND ALSO PULLING DRUNK MAKING OUT PEOPLE OFF EACH OTHER I JUST WANT U TO KNOW THAT UR EFFORTS ARE SO VERY RECOGNIZED BECAUSE ONE TIME I DID THAT AND I GOT PUNCHED IN THE THROAT I THOUGHT I DIED BECAUSE I SAW JESUS BUT IT WASNT ACTUALLY JESUS IT WAS JUST A POSTER TAPED TO A FRIDGE I WAS SCAMMED

her own mum has called the police on her and was 100% ready for some quality fun family jailtime

ALSO ONE TIME GOATY ACCIDENTALLY FUCKED UP SOMEONES REAR MIRROR AND THE VICTIMS OF THE INCIDENT DID NOT GIVE HALF A FUCK HOWEVER, HER MOTHER GOATY REPORTED SEVERAL FUCKS TO THE POLICE AND FILED AN ACCIDENT REPORT AND THAT WAS THE DAY MY GOATY BECAME A DARK CRIMINAL

*OMINOUS MUSIC*

I AM STILL WAITING FOR THE DAY I WALK MY BUTT INTO COURT AGAINST UR MUM COVERED HEAD TO ASS IN $3 PLASTIC BRACELETS BACKED BY UR UNEXPECTEDLY KLEPTOMANIAC SISTER AND A BASKET OF STOLEN WOMANS DAYS AND ALONG WITH BLING BLING JIMMY WE WILL RESTORE THE RIGHTEOUSNESS AND LACK OF CONSCIENCE ON THIS LOVELY EARTH

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ENOUGHT ABOUT UR MUM LIKE ACTUALLY ALL UR FAMILY MEMBERS ARE DIFFERENT LEVELS OF WILD AND..... I AM AFRAID

OK OK IT MUST BE SAID CAROLINE HAS THE MOST AMAIZNG VOICE ????? EVER

like i love her voice sm SO FUCKING MUCH I TELL U i have never heard anything like it and i want caroline to like read me books for hours AND HOURS AND NARRATE MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE because i love how unusually deep and shadowy her voice sounds like deep flowing river water or smth like i LOVE IT SO MUCH it. Is.So. Strange BUT I LOVE IT IT IS THE COOLEST GODDAMN THING THROW A BUCKET AT ME I LOVE YOU

HAS A VIDEO OF HERSELF DOING THE ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE AND I KNOW I HAVE PRAISED IT FOR TWO YEARS IN A ROW ALREADY LIKE @ ME PLZ CHILL BUT i will not i will NEVER it is solid entertainment a+++ QUALITY I AM LAUGHIGN IM LAUGHING I AM LAUGHING FOREVER those beautiful hops of pain across ur backyard ARE THE LAST THINGS I WANT TO SEE BEFORE GOD TAKES ME FROM THIS EARTH

WRONGFULLY FRAMED ME FOR HAVING SHIT DICK TENDENCIES AND THEN YELLED AT ME AND CALLED ME A GARAGE WHAT A BINCH I AM IN LOVE

loves yellow flowers AND ALL THE FLOWERS AND HEAVY ROSES AND IS A FULL OUT FLOWER HOE

IS DESPICABLE TEEN WOLF GARBAGE LIKE.... ive been scrolling through our fanmails AND MY HEART HUR T S G O A T Y hOld mE we were sO Y O U N  G and like no lie i shit u not 80% oF THE FUCKING MESSAGES ARE U YELLING 'STYDIA IS GONNA HAPPEN THIS SEASON' AND 'OH MY GOD DID U SEE THAT STYDIA SCENE' AND DECLARATIONS OF LOVE FOR LYDIA MARTIN AND THE OTHER 20% IS U ASKIN ME IF IVE SEEN THE NEW TEEN WOLF I LOVE IT I LOVE YOU I AM SORRY TEEN WOLF KEEPS DISAPPOINTING US BOTH BUT STDYIA IS. DEFINIETELY. GONNA. HAPPEN. THIS. SEASON. IT HAS TO OR I WILL FUKIN FITE ALRIGHT GIVE US STYDIA OR GIVE US DEATH I LOVE UR TEEN WOLF LOVIBG ASS

anyway caroline is an utterly excellent person

if u were an ncea paper i would grade u with excellence

*FINGER GUNS*

like ?????deals with my stupid yelling ALL THE TIME

whenever i had a problem and went to my goaty she was so very understanding and patient AND DID NOT CALL ME A DUMBASS WHEN I DESERVED TO BE DECKED

TOLD ME THE TRU DEFINTION OF THE PHRASE 'SHOT'

TWO YEARS OF UTTER CONFUSION. ERASED FROM MY LIFE. PERMANENTLY.

MY SKIN?? CLEARED . MY FUTURE BILLS ??? PAID MY HUSBAND MARRIED MY STATUE FOR CAROLINE FULLY ERECTED

ok but like i can never say this enough goaty IS SO NICE TO TALK TO PLETAHE TALK TO ME FORVER SHE IS FABULOUS??? it blows my mind constantly that someone this incredible and special walks along this earth NONE OF US DESERVE THE GOAT

also ???? WHAT IN THE FUCK HOW HAVE I NOT MENTIONED THIS YET CAROLINE IS THE BEST WRITER I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE SHE IS SO TALENTED EVERY TIME I READ ONE OF HER FICS I END UP THINKING ABOUT IT AFTERWARDS FOR 958495894 YEARS ALRIGHT THEY FUCK ME UP THEY WAY SHE HANDLES WORDS FUCKS ME UP HOW CAN YOUT TAKE FUCKING LETTERS AND THEN SHOVE THEM UP MY ASS LIKE THIS I AM NOT ALRIGHT I AM NOT ALRIGHT I AM NOT ALRIGHT I am Not Strong Enough For This

i am not even kidding ok THE WAY U HANDLE WORDS IS IN.FUCKING.CREDIBLE whenever u use them its like?? u turned them into something precious and all your writing have this feel to it like as if im holding a delicate bouqet of a thousand yellow flowers like im holding a butterfly in my hands like im holding a box of eggs and i am scared shitless to drop it bC MY DAD WILL PERSONALLY CRUCIFY ME

I AM AWFUL AT DESCRIPTIONS BUT I HOPE U SEE WHAT I MEAN. LIKE. IT IS SO *SCREAMS* MINBLOWING DECK ME WITH ALL UR WORDS EVER

I AM ONE HUNDRED FUCKING PERCENT NEVER OKAY WITH ANYTHING YOU WRITE IT HURTS SO GOOD AND I LOVE IT

ok ok this hoe right here has written THREE fics with a dedication for me at the beginning and like.............. ..... do u ever just cri

i have 'the glorious everywhere' printed out and FUCKING PINNED TO MY WALL WHERE I CAN SEE IT FROM ALL CORNERS OF MY ROOM ALWAYS back in my apartment in russia like it is legitimately the best thing. i love everything about this piece it should be adapted into a novel or a short film like PULL SOME FIFTY SHADES OF GREY SHIT W/ IT OK the imagery and REALNESS of this fic gets to me all the time and im crying im crying im crying I ABSOLUTELY ADORE IT PLS @ CAROLINE WHY ARE U SO TALENT

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT LOOK AT THIS BULLSHIT FUCKIG I THINK ABOUT THIS FIC EVERY SINGLE DAY WHEN I WAKE UP FUCKING LOOK ' You see her hair dripping down her head and spinning out over the seats in the back and lighting them on fire. You see her pale skin and electric veins as she puts her hand out the window and tries to catch the sky and stuff it up her sleeve. You hear her voice, “Just drive James, you’ll know where we’re going when we get there.”  

REALLY I AM NOT FUCKIGN Okay CALL AN AMBULANCE CALL IT NOW I AM UNWELL I AM SICK I AM DYING FUK ME RITE UP

i am fully convinced this is the greatest thing thats ever been written.like. How. the. FUCK. tbh i want this paragraph ENTIRELY TATTOOED ON MY ASS I AM ZCRYING @ CAROLINE YOU HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BRAIN AND I AM SO VERY GLAD THAT IT EXISTS

i will not go into depth abt yelling about ur fics bc tbh i think u Know but I JUST WANNA SAY 'oh darling i have coloured blood (that i stole from you)' is the most iconic piece of literature to this day ever the and i zcri all the time because you are a goddamn bloody genius and you shine in colours beyond my comprehension and i love you so so so incredibly much

MY LOVE IS SO FUCKING TALENTED I AM YELLING I AM YELLING I AM YELLING

DOESN'T EAT FRIED SPERM

writes the BEST emails in history

UR SO LOVELY U GIVE ME SO MANY BEAUTIFUL SPELLING ERRORS FOR ME TO WHOLEHEARTEDLY ENJOY I AM GIGGLING *GIGGLES* IT BRINGS ME SO MUCH JOY WHEN U FUCK THINGS UP

tbh it is how fried chair came to life like it was actually in one of your first fanmails to me u said that two years ago and to this day it remains the Most Iconic Thing Ever

STRONG SUPPORTER OF WEETBIX

LOVES WEETBIX

FOUGHT TIGERS AND LIONS FOR HER FAMILY AND WAS SAVED BY WEETBIX AND WEETBIX ALONE 

ACTUALLY HAD A THING CALLED ‘WEETBIX DISCOURSE’ ON HER BLOG LIKE IT WAS ACTUALLY A THING THAT HAPPENED A REAL THING THAT OCCURED AND WAS PASSIONATELY ARGUED ABOUT AND I HAVE SEEN THINGS THAT CANNOT BE UNSEEN

RIGHTFULLY SO BC WEETBIX >>>>> JONAH GRIGGS I AM SORRY IT IS THE RULES

FUCK THE H8RS

like ??? is hilarious af QUEEN OF HUMOUR AND MAKING ME SNORT MY GODDAMN CHOCLATE MILK LIKE CAN U NOT BE SO EXCEPTIONAL U HO HAVE SOME CONSIDERATION U LIL BITCH but YES a++ top notch QUALITY storytelling skills in both fic writing and tequila struggles I APPRECIATE IT TO DEATH

ok ok ok also the most beautiful person ever??? LIKE ???????????????? BITCH WHAT THE FUCK ??????????????????????????????????????????????? WHO ALLOWED U

THE MOST PERFECT HAIR. ur hair is like waves of a golden ocean cascading from ur hEAD AND IT IS SO MAGICALLY FITTING B/C U R AN ETHEREAL BEING AND THE FACT THAT U HAVE AN ENTIRE WILD SEA RAGING ON UR HEAD JUST PROVES TO ME THAT U ARE A GOD AMONG MORTALS. UR HAIR IS SO PRETTY OK OK OKAY FUCK ME UP. STRAIGHT UP GORGEOUS. SO SOFT TOO AND SO SHINY AND IT FITS U SO WELL I AM FOREVER SCREAMING

THE MOST ANGEL FACE. GOATYS FACE LOOKS LIKE GOD OR WHOEVER THE FUCK WAS RESPONSIBLE CARVED IT OUT OF ROSE PETALS AND MARBLE LIKE. IT. IS. TRULY. THE MOST GORGEOUS THING ur face is softer than clouds tbh AND UR SMILE SAVES MY LIFE ITS BRIGHTER THAN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE CONDENSED AND SOMETIMES WHEN I SEE UR SELFIES I HAVE TO GO GET LASER EYE SURGERY BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN B L I N D E D

U R SO UNCONSIDERATE TO MY FRAGILE HEALTH HOW DARE YOU

SO. GODDAMN GORGEOUS SLAY MY ENTIRE LIFE I BEG U ID PAY U TO SIT ON ME WITH UR HUGE BONES AND SLOWLY CRUSH ME INTO AN ENDLESS DEATH I HAVE $4 LEFT OVER FROM MY LIFE SAVINGS DO IT BAE

has the best taste in music omg WHAT A BLESSING WE LIKE THE SAME SONGS AND IT ACTUALLY KIND OF SCARES ME B/C IT FEELS LIKE WE ARE THE SAME PERSON AND THIS DOES NOT HELP MY CONSTANT STATE OF EXISTENTIAL CRISIS

HAS THE BEST TASTE IN BOOKS and adores skam as much as i do AND LOVES CHRIS/EVA AS MUCH AS IDO AND WROTE A FIC FOR THEM AND THE SNIPPET FROM IT ????? MY SOUL. GONE.

so tol and will never stop accusing me of being smol but listen up aight. imma FUCK YOU UP. REAL GOOD. ONE DAY. WHEN I CAN AFFORD TO BUY A LADDER. UNTIL THEN SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN BINCH BC I AM COMING TO GET U

and is also the smartiest smart to ever smart LOOK AT MY U GO WITH UR EXCELLENCE ENDORSEMENT when i buy that ladder I WILL CLIMB IT AND HOVER AROUND UR HEAD LOTS SO I CAN ABSORB UR POWERS AND ALSO BREATHE THE FRESH AIR UP THERE WHICH IS NOT AVAILABLE TO GROUNDED PEASANTS SUCH AS ME

AND IS THE BEST COOKIE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE LIKE IF THIS ISNT ENOUGH TO CONVINCE ANYONE THAT CAROLINE IS BEYOND EXCEPTIONAL FOR OUR GALAXY THEN THEY CAN FUCK OFF PLS OK

like honestly,,, MY LOVE I COULD GO ON FOR YEARS AND YEARS AND CENTURIES UNTIL MY TEETH FALL OUT AND I GROW SENILE WITH MY LOVE BUT THE POINT OF THIS HOT STEAMING LAME MESS IS THAT I LOVE YOU TO BLOODY PIECES UR SO F U C K I N G INCREDIBLE I AM SO GLAD I MET YOU AND THAT YOU TAlk TO ME AND WE EMAIL EACH OTHER AND I AM BLESSED THAT YOU EVEN THINK OF ME AND THAT FREID CHAIR LOVES ME AND THAT U R MY GOAT BC UR MY ONLY GOAT AND UR THE BEST ONE THERE IS NO SHADE @ ALL OTHER GOATS BUT LIKE. IM SORRY I CANNOT TELL A LIE

IT IS THE COLD HARD TRUTH. 

and like??? i did a /search/deadgwen ON @jiilys BC I WANTED TO LOOK AT ALL OUR OLD STUFFS FROM 2015 and I Regret it I Regret it So Much theres a selfie from like when i was 14 and an idiot still on Ur blog and I look like an actual tragedy I Want to Die  we have known each other for so long its RIDICULOUS UR STILL AS AMAZING AS U WERE BACK THEN AND I AM MORE OR LESS CURED OF MY CONDITION OF BEING AN EMBARASSING DIPSHIT AND ITS CRAZY HOW MUCH YOUNGER WE WERE THEN LIKE UM WTF BUT UR STILL AS BEAUTIFUL AND 9384930X TIMES MORE AND I STILL LOVE U BC UR PERFECT AS EVER AND THAT IS WHAT MATTERS

NOW. I WAS GONNA MAKE YOU A PRESENT LIKE I REALLY DID BAE I TRIED SO MUCH SHIT ITS HORRIBLE BC LIKE ??? I WANTED TO MAKE YOU A PRESENTATION ON UR GOAT SUPERIORTY LIKE I DID LAST YEAR EXCEPT Like i am a fucking asshole™(COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS THE MAN TEH MYTH THE LEGEND) who cannot do shit FOR SHIT it turned out so Awful and i cANNOT GRAPHIC BABE I TRIED TO MAKE YOU THIS EDIT AND THEN I REALIZED IT WAS Bad AND FOUGHT MYSELF FOR SIX HOURS AND I CANNOT WRITE AND YOU DESERVE ALL THE GIFTS EVER BUT I AM TRULY AWFUL

*ZCRIES*

I KNOW IM  LAME AND MY ONLY TALENT IS YELLING FOR HOURS ON END I WISH I COULD HAVE MADE YOU SOMETHING REALLY COOL BC ITS UR SEVENTEETH AND 17 IS THE BEST NUMBER AND UR LOVELY AND I LOVE YOU SO PLEASE FORGIVE ME BAE FOR BEING AN ACTUAL GARAGE ASSHOLE (COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS THE EXPERIENCE) SHIT DICK 100% TERRIBLE DICKFLUTE OKAY I LOVE YOU AND I CAN NEVER IMAGINE WHAT I WOULD BE WITHOUT YOU IN MY LIFE AND I HOPE YOU HAVE A REALLY REALLY REALLY GOOD YEAR LIKE FUCK SHIT UP BAE UR GONNA BE IN YEAR 13 ITS ALL GONNA BE SO AWFUL AND WE WILL ALL DIE aND WERE SO O L D JESUS CHRIST IF HEART ATTACKS DONT TAKE US OUT NCEA LEVEL 3 WILL BUT I HOPE THIS WILL BE A SUPER GOOD YEAR FOR U IN REGARDS OF EVERYTHING BECAUSE U DESERVE IT U DESERVE IT U DESERVE IT I HOPE THINGS WILL LEAD UP TO U GETTING THAT APARTMENT IN NEW YORK AND ALL THE HIGH HEELS THAT U WILL WEAR AND ALL THE YELLOW FLOWERS THAT U WILL BUY AND UR CAREER AS A LIFECHANGING LITERARY GENIUS OK OK I LOVE YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABE

ok ok ok but. 

ONE MORE THING.

LISTEN.

THE FUCKING

*CLECNHES JAW*

REBLOG FIASCO

*FLINGS MY ASS INTO THE SUN*

WHEN IT IS GOOD AND DAYLIGHT. U HAVE UNTIL THEN. LIKE I KNOW THIS IS UR BIRTHDAY WISH AND I LOVE YOU BUT FUCK OFF HWO COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME I FUCKING TRUSTED YOU I FUCKING FUCK JUST FUCK YOU FUCKING DICK i will RIOT 

OKAY BABE ITS MIDNIGHT AND ILL BE UP IN ABOUT SIX HOURS AND LIKE. ANYTHING. ANYTHING ELSE FOR UR BIRTHDAY WISH OK BABE IM GONNA FUCKING DIE THIS IS IT THIS THE END I WILL GO DOWN SWEARING PROFUSELY WITH A HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE AND U WILL BE WATCHING AND LAUGHI G ANF @OFFICALTALL FUCK YU FUCKDUCKUD CUDCKUD DNUSJNDJF FUCK U @GOATY FUCK. UFCN WHERE IS UR HOOF WHY ARE U NOT FEELIN THE TEMPERATURE ITS EBOLA ITS GOATBOLA I WONT MAKE IT UNTIL DAWN I WONT SEE THE SUNLIGHT GOATY I CANT *FAKE CRYING SOUNDS* I WILL DIE. IT WILL HAPPEN. AND I WANT IT TO BE KNOWN THAT U ARE THE BITCH THAT KILLED ME. *MORE FAKE ZCRYING SOUNDS* I MUST SEND MESSAGES TO ALL MY DEAREST KIND FRIENDS WHO HAVE NEVER FUCKED ME LIKE THIS ALRIGHT *FAKE COUGHING* TELL THEM THAT I *MORE FAKE COUGHOGN* LOVE THEM *THROWS KETCHUP PACKET EVERYWHERE WHILE UR NOT LOOKING AND BUSY BEING WORRIED ABOUT MY HEALTH* AND I WILL REMEMBER THEM EVEN IN DEATH

ANYWAY HERE IS MY WILL:

WHAT U GET:

nothing

u get nothing

bINCH

zero. zip. nada

0 potato 4 u

U CAN HAVE THE SALT FROM MY KITCHEN SO U WILL BE PERPETUALLY REMINDED OF MY LAST EMOTIONS TOWARDS THIS LIFE

maybe like the one half a potato that was randomly in my drIVEWAY THAT ONE TIME 

M A Y B E

WHAT GOOD KIND LOVING FRIENDS, SUCH AS MILS AND FRIED CHAIR AND ELLIE AND OTHER ASSORTED PEOPLES WHICH I SHALL ADDRESS IN CLAUSE 4.20 OF THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF MY WILL, GET:

actually mils is a hoe and can choke but u r the evil here rn aND FOR THE PURPOSES OF THIS ARGUMENT WE WILL PRETEND THAT I LIKE MILS

ANYWAY. REALLY GOOD THINGS I OWN

I HAVE SOME SOCKS I DONT WANT U GUYS CAN HAVE THEM

AND LIKE

MY DUVET

SEE GOATY THESE ARE THE KIND OF HEART TOUCHING POST DEATH GIFTS U MISS OUT ON WHEN U MURDER ME IN COLD BLOOD

ALSO NO TOUCHING MY MANGOES THAT I BOUGHT TWO DAYS AGO BECAUSE I STILL WANT TO EAT THEM AND IF ANYONE EVEN BREATHES IN THEIR GENERAL DIRECTION I WILL BEAT THEM UNCONSCIOUS WITH A TELEPHONE THIS IS A T H R E A T

I HOPE UR TAKING NOTES AND I HOPE U FEEL GOOD ABOUT BEING A 6′3 KILLER BECAUSE UR AN ASSHOLE ™LIKE UR ASSHOLIER™ THAN THE REAL ASSHOLE THAT IS JONAH GRIGGS™ THE LABEL™ (COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS™ THE ANT MURDERING HOT PIECE OF ASS™) BUT I WILL DIE FOR U MY GOAT *strokes ur pretty face* BC IT IS UR BIRTHDAY WISH FOR ME TO SUFFER AND I LOVE YOU AND I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR U THEREFORE . DESPITE THIS SICKNESS *FLAILS* I. WILL. BE. BRAVE. I WILL REBLOG THOSE TWENTY POSTS I WILL FLATLINE BY THE THIRD POST AND MY BLOOD WILL BE ON UR HANDS *CAREFULLY ARRANGES MY STUNT GOAT IN POSITION* AND I WILL BE YELLING CURSES AT YOU IN THE TAGS BUT I WILL DIE IN THE NAME OF HONOUR I WILL GO DOWN AS A GOAT NEVER HAS BEFORE 

BUT LIKE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU AND I I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC I AM SO HAPPY U EXIST. HAVE THE BOMBEST ASS 17TH BIRTHDAY BABE I HOPE UR PARTY IS LIT AND HAVE FUN GETTING DRUNK AND HAVING ALL THE BANTS AND LAFFS AND ALSO I WILL SEND U THE AWAITED EMAIL IN A FEW HOURS WHEN MY INTERENT IS BACK ON  BECAUSE IT IS A CONTINUATION OF THIS BULLSHIT WITH SOME STRUCTURED DISCUSSION AKA WHAT THE FUCK DO U HAVE AGAINST SMIRNOFF ICE how is it not HARDCORE enough for u IT IS LITERALLY FLAVOURED VODKA DOES IT NOT KNOCK OUT UR 6′3 ASS OR WHAT EXCUSE ME 

ANYWAY IN CONCLUSION.

HAPPY. SEVENTEENTH. BIRTHDAY. MY. CHUM.

*BLOWS U A KISS*

*PUTS ON TWO FÜR COATS TO REMAIN UNDETECTED* 

*STEALS ALL UR WEETBIX AND RUNS AWAY TO ALASKA NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN*

*still replies ur emails tho cuz i love u bitch y u do dis to me*