#god this took wayyyyyyy too long

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

what are fun beatles facts you’ve put in your fics

Hi anon!! Sorry for forgetting you!!! TBH maybe they're not as fun or not as much facts as I may have made them seem but here are a few from ILTY:

I point out in chapter 2 that George and John bought matching Gibson guitars (in 1962, following them earning the contract with EMI iirc; I didn't specify the date in the fic though)

Paul talks about when he uses the Höfner vs when he uses the Rickenbacker bass, saying the Höfner is good for live sounds because it's lighter. He says something like that in Get Back, I believe!

In chapter 3 when Cyn and John are looking through a scrapbook there aren't any wedding photos because there really weren't any! No photographer was present :(

I also reference this real letter John wrote to Cyn in chapter 3

also point out in that chapter that while John basically immediately married Cyn upon learning he had gotten her pregnant, Paul stalled with Dot up until her miscarriage and then broke off their engagement.

in chapter 4 I describe this weird trailer thing, which John really had in his garden though I've now learned he actually only acquired it a year later in 1967 so

This isn't historical but the bit in chapter 4 where I describe how John plays I Feel Fine is how you actually play the song lol. I didn't detail it much cause it's not very interesting, but I watched a tutorial for it and everything. I also did some rudimentary sitar + Indian classical music research for the relevant part in chapter 10. It's not directly mentioned in the text but I did my best to make sure I wasn't saying something outright wrong about the instruments basic function.

In chapter 5 I point out that John has a Stu painting in his house, which he really did IIRC

The idea that John may have recorded himself reading from Timothy Leary's book Book of the Dead and played it back while dropping acid it isn't one I made up but I believe it's from Goldman so. Grain of salt fun fact. (mentioned in chapters 4, 6 and 8)

From chapter 7: "They bloody invented automatic double-trackin’ just so Johnny could be here less." ATD was indeed developed by engineers at EMI studios because John found double tracking his vocals extremely annoying lmao.

there's some description in chapter 7 of stuff the Beach Boys and Beatles stole from each other that's to my knowledge accurate. also the song playing on the radio was in the charts the week the chapter takes place during, which I pointed out in the author's notes (I generally have kept track of the dates in my story)

Paul beginning to write Here, There and Everywhere, specifically the intro, right after listening to Pet Sounds is based on him saying the intro is inspired by God Only Knows (he starts writing the intro just after playing GOK in the story). He recalls writing the song at John's house, an he completes it in chapter 8, also at Kenwood, while waiting for John (this time simply to come down stairs rather than wake up) — this is less a fun fact but more my fun adaptation of true events.

I double checked this like three times when I wrote the chapter, but IIRC it's totally accurate that the band recorded brass for the first time one day after the Pet Sounds listening party (chapter 8)

I reference the horrible experience the band really had in February 64 at the English embassy in Washington DC in chapter 8, though the specific anecdote Paul recalls from that evening is entirely made up by me.

this is pretty well-known, but Isn't It A Pity was likely a Revolver-reject, which is why it's briefly considered for the album in chapter 8, given the circumstances

This is my own conjecture but I 100% believe that Day Tripper is about Paul and I made that canon at the end of chapter 8 lol.

This isn't exactly a fact but the questions asked in the Munich press conference in chapter 9 are for the most part similar to real questions they were asked. Including the weird one about participating in the Munich Olympics lmaooooo

Again more of an adaptation than a straight-up fact but John and Paul did visit the Grosse Freiheit when they were in Hamburg for that tour!

Also the geography described in Hamburg should be right, I used a map lol.

Paul DID change the I'll Follow The Sun lyrics!!!! Go listen to the quarrymen bootleg it's one of my favourite things I've used, that it used to be "Don't leave me alone"

Also they did get to play around with some Japanese instruments while in Tokyo and they're some of the softest pics of the band :) I did simplify the events a bit though

George was very worried about being arrested for drug possession when the band got separated from their luggage in Manila.

George did ask Ravi Shankar to take him on as his student in summer 66 but I don't know when exactly.

I think that's a fair amount lol hope these lived up to your expectations :(

[base0h]

hello! i got to say, i really love your works for swapped au like 😩😩😩😩

and i was wondering how the worst gen trio and the monster trio react to reader-san apparently having a first mate or ally who basically is them? and by that, i mean like... has the same personality as them.

meanwhile, reader-san is just easily tolerating and going with them easily.

example is law-like character making plans and they either help them/him with their/his plans and even follows them (unlike a certain someone), zoro-like character who often naps and both of them just have nap sessions anddd lastly, (your favourite victim) kid-like character who is usually cocky and easily angered and reader-san's there easily calming them/him down.

ps. another thing for kid-like character is that they often cheer for him in the background when he starts unnecessary fights before pulling him away when it gets too far or when they think it's enough.

pss. god, imma say it again, i love your works. keep up the good work, sweetie *another spiderman with a camera meme*

a/n - ah yes. My favorite victim 💀 pls I cackled at this anon- tysm I’m so glad you like the au as much as I do- 💜 Aw- I appreciate the Spider-Man meme 🥺 I’ll smile for the camera just for you ✨ I love this idea so much you have no idea😭😭 sorry this took so long- this is wayyyyyyy overdue

Warnings ⚠️ - g/n reader, another daily reminder that I bully kid to no end 💀, swapped au

That’s me?

Zoro

- Zoro has never had an imagination until just now

- Everytime he naps, he imagines you resting your head on his shoulder like you do in the anime with your first mate

- He actually ends up disliking them because it’s not actually him in the anime 💀

- Bitch better move it’s Zoro’s turn 🙄

- but now? He has situations to imagine in his head before he goes to sleep

- He tries to think that it’s him in the anime and not your first mate who’s literally an exact copy of him

- But guess what? The character has the exact same hair and eyes as Sanji 💀

- He hates Sanji with a passion now

- How dare he steal his soulmate???

- Man will never forgive Sanji for what he’s done 😭

- also he never tells Sanji the details

- So Sanji is always so confused why Zoro gives him the nastiest look when that character comes on screen

- Sanji loves this character, he thinks they’re very cool :)

- This makes Zoro hate them even more 💀

Law

- Law is so creeped out

- gives him that really weird, gross feeling when someone’s exactly like him, especially if they’re close to YOU

- god he’s so jealous 😭

- He pouts when he watches a scene with you two now

- *that should be me..* sassy crossing leg thingy he did in the new episode

Law wears heels. this means something- 👀 the furry thingy on his coat reminds me of corazon’s 🥺

- no law is not happy. Not happy at all.

- man hopes that the character will die at some point 💀

- He’s so rude

- “See? He can’t win this fight, he’s gonna lose.”

- Character wins*

- “Fuck you Oda.” -Law 2022 (oda is amazing ✨)

Luffy

- he is so amused- 😭

- he loves this character so much

- “See?! He’s so cool and smart! Just like me hehe- >:3”

- “since when were you either of those things..?” -law + kid

- “HMPH- >:(“ -Luffy

- kid and law better be quiet, Luffy is awesome :)

- this boy really loves how close this character is to you because he can feel like it’s him-

- He sometimes pauses where he is to talk back to you, and then the character says the exact same thing 💀

- He gets so freaked out when that happens

- His jaw will drop to the floor

- … I’m gonna name this character.

- I’m so sorry for my shit sense of humor- but- I’m gonna call him Lucy-

- (you don’t even understand I can’t breathe rn I’m laughing so fucking hard 💀)

- So Lucy just said the same thing right after Luffy, and oml-

- “LUCY- WE-“ man’s mind just exploded 😭

- in conclusion, yes, he loves this character oh so much 🥺

Bonus - if they met irl Lucy would have a white beard and- that one vacation looking shirt he wore-

Luffy thinks his outfit is so cool and would like to dress up as him for Halloween 😭

Kid

- hell no.

- Kid is freaked out

- “Who the fuck is that?”

- He has (the same DF as Kid-) and the same kinda scar EXCEPT- it’s on the other side >:3

- and his hair is down

- Kid will criticize every single aspect of this character

- It could be something relating to their abilities, or the dumbest shit

- “his nail polish is a fucking disgusting shade of red.”

- “It looks red.” -law

- “Are you fucking blind?”

- Law: … 💀

- kid also doesn’t like this guy’s hair, same color as Kid’s except it’s combed down like all that fanart with kid’s hair down-

- He says it’s “not his style”

- what it boils down to is that he wants it to be him, not this imposter

Bonus: Luffy made him dress up, and he didn’t know what the fuck to do so Luffy decided to get him a costume himself and not tell him about it until he put it on and went to school or work. it was a costume of that character and Luffy got his ass beat while Law was dying in the background from laughter. 💀 no Zoro didn’t protect him at all-

Sanji

- this man. Out of all these guys, hates this character with a BURNING passion

- how dare he steal the y/n of his dreams???

- how dare he be so close to the love of his fictional crush dream life?

- no no no Sanji will literally have this characters photo, stuck onto a dart board, and he will literally throw old and dull knives at it every morning to wake himself up

- He uses old and dull knives because he doesn’t think that this guy deserves his nicer and sharp ones 💀

- Everytime this character has gotten close to death, he’s been so happy

- Then he breaks the tv with his foot when the character doesn’t die

- He cries himself to sleep sometimes after he sees the character giving you a hug

- This guy has moss green hair, and a scar on his RIGHT eye.

- Sanji is immediately reminded of his nemesis, Zoro

- the fact that the character that looks like Zoro, is close to you?

- Holy shit his eyes are on fire, this man can’t even take it anymore

- usually he’s so calm, but when it’s something to do with the god(ess) y/n?

- he’s gonna do anything for you even if it’s from an anime

Bonus: Sanji has beat up Zoro numerous times for absolutely no reason to Zoro’s understanding.

a/n - I wish I was more active- this was so fun to write. Pls the Lucy- 💀 why do I laugh so hard at the dumbest shit- 😭

<3

[shipskicksandgiggles]

Steve Rogers

oh darling I will go off about Steve Rogers all fucking day if you let me. fuck okay ready?

1. the problem with MCU Steve Rogers is that he doesn’t have the same kind of character growth as most of the other characters with solo movies (and even some without). and I personally attribute that to Erskine telling him he’s already good in the first cap movie and then proceeds to basically say “don’t change” but Steve took that shit wayyyyyyy too literally 

and like, MCU Steve Rogers can Suck My Ass okay? like dont get me wrong, the cap movies themselves aren’t bad, I actually love TFA and TWS, but Civil War? I have mixed feelings about. I think it’s where his arc started to go downhill honestly. and like obviously all his movies somewhat focus on Bucky, but then it was like “I’m Going To Fight Every Government Despite Selling My Soul To The United States Government” and it didn’t make sense? and it was purely for selfish reasons???

god what the fuck

I read an essay someone wrote once on how Steve Rogers in Civil War telling the UN to fuck off with the Sokovia Accords is supposedly an allegory for the US military coming in and destroying property and not really taking any ownership for it. and like. that rocked my world yknow? because it wasn’t Wrong 

also Endgame? fucking Endgame? Steve Rogers would never ruin Peggy’s life like that. Ever. if he really loved her, he would have moved the fuck on and respected her choice to move on with whoever she wanted. and just leaving the avengers like that? right after Tony and Nat died???????? WHO THE FUCK- I’m sorry I’m. if I think about endgame Steve for too long I will burst a blood vessel god fuck I hated him. I hated him for that

2. I’ve never been one to read comics, but first of all, the original Cap from before WW2 was literally propaganda for the military, and two, I’d like to see the Real Steve Rogers, like the socialist bastard, beat the ever loving shit out of MCU Cap just for shits and giggles yknow? it’s what he deserves

3. fanfic Steve is really a mixed bag. like some people paint him as this overly strict guy with no sense of humor and he almost seems like a bigger asshole than MCU Steve. other people refuse to acknowledge that he can make mistakes and that bothers me too!!! like Steve might be a super soldier but under all that muscle is a human being!!! like when I find a fic that lets Steve be passionate and caring and shit in ways that really take it back to who his character should have been, I bookmark that shit, because I wish I saw it more

sorry this ran so long I just have a Lot of thoughts about him

send me a character and I’ll tell you my pet peeves 

[agl03]

Hated the pacing of this episode. I get that they did with what they had but I agree they spent one too many episodes time traveling and oh my god I’ve never cared less about villains than I do about kora and Nathaniel. They just kept cutting back to kora and spending WAYYYYYYY too long on her

Hi Anon,

That is the hard part with the shorter seasons.  The Time Travel stuff was fun, and each stop did play a larger part in the story, but yes, there were also some things that could have been cut in order to develop Nathaniel and Kora more. 

There is a reason they are spending so much time with both of them.  For Kora they are building her up and I’m expecting her to be one of our finale losses.  She will likely see Nathaniel for what he is too late or she already has, May got through to her, and she’ll try to stop him and die in the process.  Essentially they wanted us kind of attached before she falls.  Which I don’t think the writers achieved, it was too little too late.  

Nathaniel himself isn’t so much a villain for the entire team, he is essentially the Dark Side of Daisy, opposite of everything she is and now stands for.  He is Daisy’s final boss though.  He took so much from her that its beyond personal at this point.  And Daisy deserves to totally win this fight.  

In the grand scheme he is still nothing more than SIBYL”s Minion, her really annoying minion that we can’t wait to see quaked all over the galaxy.  His defeat could come in 12 or early 13, luring the team and Fandom into thinking we are all on our road home....they tried that last season too and look what happened.   

Nathaniel has forgotten that SIBYL wants the planet for the Chronicoms and that she is not his helpful ally to achieve his world domination? dream.  He is a very good minion, managing to get SIBYL the pieces she need, well almost all of them, he failed in the most important of his tasks, he failed to find Fitz.   And that in the end is what will turn the tide in the teams favor.

Like it or not Nathaniel is in the mix.  One of the few things I’ve ever seen the fandom agree on is just how much we all hate this guy.  The actor is doing a great job in the role its just that he didn’t get the proper build up he needed to really resonate with fans.  

[kisetsukaze]

Found a perfect meme for Duftmon and Gankoomon but oh god this drawing took wayyyyyyy too long. Glad it turned out okay tho.

[swiss-cheeze]

Once Upon a Deacon

This is technically meant for school but idrk

Prompt: the reader is telling the story of how her and John first met

Warnings: I really don’t think there is any besides alcohol and Roger trying and failing to pick up the reader

Word count: 2765

Note: this is really cute and fluffy tbh

It was Valentine’s Day, the local pub was decked to the brim with hearts and flowers and pinks and red and-

“I just done see a point in it is all Bri” a voice cut in through the loud booming music, the man, who must have been Bri, rolled his eyes and scoffed, “just pick a girl, ask her out and then take her to the van”

“You know I don’t like doing that, it’s just mean” Bri said; I scoffed as I swirled the beer I had in my hand.

Let me explain, my now ex-boyfriend decided to not be nice and cheat on me the day of this glorious valentines, it wasn’t a sweet kiss to another girl; they were both pinned to a wall when I walked in already half at it, I just walked out and even with the numerous times he tried to call my name I didn’t answer, he did this once before and I didn’t leave him, I won’t let it happen a second time. I let me feet walk me and found myself at the local pub filed with valentine’s flirts and college kids. There was a somewhat local band playing a little later tonight called Smile? Apparently they were trying to find a new name along with the new members they recently got but I didn’t care; I sat down at the bar and ordered just a normal beer, I didn’t want to get drunk because it wouldn’t help me later on in the night at all, never does. So here I was sitting in a dirty bar with some dude trying to pick up the chick next to m- nope. It’s me he’s trying to pick up.

“Hey, do you want another drink?” the guy asked, I didn’t look at him but I could tell he had some sort of bright blonde hair and his tall dark haired friend was already looking annoyed and bored next to him.

“No, I’m good, thanks” I mumbled and took a swig of the drink, if I’m being honest the guy looked a little hurt that I turned him down, like he’s only ever been told yes and never a no.

“Alright how about this; me and Bri here are a part of the band playing tonight, if you like what you see would you care to join us in the after party?” he asked, this time I let my head go back and close my eyes before I turned to the man, finally getting a good look at him. He was kind of small but still had what looked like a good packed body I guess, his hair was down to his shoulders a little and it was a pretty blonde, his eyes looked blue but I couldn’t tell in this lighting. I looked to his friend who stood behind him, he had what seemed to be dark brown hair and was pretty tall with a lean figure, his arms crossed over his chest but it didn’t look like he had too much muscle, his fingers however where rather long and bony, I cocked an eyebrow and looked back to the blonde to his arms, he was the drummer and his friend the guitarist.

“Look blonde Jesus, I get that you’re a drummer and your friend right there is the guitarist but I’m really not interested in getting a hook up on the day of valentines, not my style” was all I said before turning back around to my drink.

“Rog come on she said no, let’s just leave her before she punches you” the guitarist said hitting his friend on the upper arm trying to get him to follow.

“Wait wait wait, how’d ya know I was a drummer?” ‘Rog’ said which made me scoff, “no I mean it” he said.

“Your upper arms are a lot stronger than the rest of your body and your palms are more calloused then your fingers would be if you were a guitarist or bassist, that means you hold onto something pretty tightly, enough for skin to come off. You said you two were a part of the band that’s playing tonight, your friend has calloused fingertips and bony fingers-no offence-“ I got a ‘none taken’ from the bony fingers guy, “and you just recently got a new singer, I’m guessing maybe a bassist seeing as your last bassist-seventh at this point is it?- left and some other guy is now in that place, I like your music and I keep up with the times, I aint that old blondie” I said and swigged the rest of my beer before putting it back on the coaster in front of me.

“H-how…” Rog started.

“I simply observe and apply what I see” was all I said.

“Alright, if you like what you see how ‘bout you THINK of coming with us, if not me, to our van and stay for a little while” Rog said, I smirked.

“Buy me a drink first hot shot” I said I think the alcohol was getting to my head a little more then I first anticipated, Bri let out a laugh and patted his friend on the back.

“I’ll go get the band ready then yeah?” he said before walking off to find the ‘band’, he was quick to be out of eyesight. I clocked a quick look to the clock on the wall behind the bar, ten till ten, that’s when I noticed ‘Rog’ was already getting my drink sorted, I grinned as it was placed in front of me with a large grin on his face.

“My name is Roger, and that was Brian who walked off” Roger said, I nodded and hummed.

“Better go find him then yeah?” I said with a sly smile, Roger was about to say something until-

“WHATCH IT“ someone yelled from behind the stage, a loud crashing noise that sounded exactly like a cymbal came from behind the stage.

“God damn it” Roger muttered under his breath, “that was my drum set, I gotta make sure they didn’t trash anything” he said, I nodded and he was soon off, jogging to his precious drum set through the crowd. I started to drink the rest of what was in my glass and soon went off to the dance floor to try and see the band more clearly. College kids where already on the rise and jumping up and down and yelling with large smiles on their faces but before I could properly look around at the faces of whoever was around me, the new band, Roger and Brian’s band, came onto stage. Roger searched the crowd for me and gave a small smile and wave when we made eye contact, I simply smiled and nodded my head.

“Hello, you may see some new faces here tonight” Brian said into the microphone, “we have our new bass player, John Deacon” John waved and nodded to the crowd; looking at the man you could tell he was a little introverted but when we made eye contact I could help the small but genuine smile slip out, he seemed to do the same, “and our new lead singer!” Brian continued, “Freddie Bul-“ he paused, “Bulsara everyone, Freddie Bulsara” he said fully.

“That’s right” Freddie muttered, loud enough for the mic to pick up.

“And of course you all know Rog” Brian said with a large grin as Roger waved to the crowd; college girls from all around me yelped and nudged at each other, thinking they all had a chance with him.

“Oi!” someone yelled over the crowd, “where’s Tim!?” they yelled, Tim was their vocalist and bassists before Freddie and wayyyyyyy before John, the crowd started to talk and mutter.

“Ready Freddie?” Roger asked Freddie, he gave a nod and soon the band started to play making everyone become silent, I knew the song instantly, it was one of my favourites, but when Freddie bent down to grab a tambourine and started to play with the mic (which started giving feedback to the speakers), the band looked at each other nervously, they didn’t know what he was doing. Freddie must have gotten annoyed at all the staring as he ripped the stand in half-almost taking out John the process-and stared at the crowd a little dumbfounded for a split second before hitting the tambourine on the mic; he seemed to be having a lot of fun with this as he started to sing. Even though the song was one of my favourites the lyrics didn’t sound the same as what they normally would, Freddie was mixing some of the words around, and he got the attention of Brian as he pranced around on stage as Brian let out a small ‘those aren’t the words Fred!’ But Freddie didn’t care and kept singing and prancing about the stage, I liked this guy, he knew what to give and he wanted people to take it whether they liked it or not.

---

It was later in the night and I had taken the offer of coming back to their van after the concert, when I agreed to coming to the van a few other girls got picked by Roger to come along, Brian had driven us to some sort of abandoned road when everyone was inside and settled, not many people-if any at all- had driven on it besides us, so there were lawn chairs scattered all in the grass, everyone had a beer in their hand. Freddie was talking to one of the girls that had tagged along, talking about the concert from what I could hear. Rog was already back inside the van doing who knows what, Brian was also talking with another girl that tagged along; me? I was alone. Almost. Kind of, John walked over from somewhere and crouched down next to me.

“Not drinking too much?” I asked with a little smile, sipping my beer.

“No, I’m the designated driver” he said with a small smile, we both let out a small chuckle, “I’m gonna guess you’re the girl that Roger talked to?” he more asked then said, I nodded.

“Got nothing better to do with my night anyway, so, why not?” I said motioning the van and the people who were outside with us, “Spending valentines with a band and random girls? Sure” I said with a shrug and smile.

“I had completely forgotten it was valentines” John muttered slightly. I smiled.

“Sadly it is”

“Sadly?”

“I caught my now ex-boyfriend cheating on me when I got home earlier today, that’s why I was in the pub, I didn’t want to drown my stupid sorrows but I still wanted to get out of there” I said with a smile, John nodded along and smiled softly.

“I saw you in the crowd when we started playing” he said.

“I saw you almost get knocked out by Freddie when you started playing” I said with a large grin.

“Luckily I didn’t, I could have died!” he said jokingly, we both laughed at that.

“Well if it’s any consultation, I’m glad you didn’t” I said.

“I’m glad I didn’t either, I wouldn’t be able to talk to this pretty girl right in front of me” he said with a bashful smile, I giggled.

“Well thank you John Deacon you don’t do to bad yourself either” I said punching his arm softly, we both chuckled at that.

“Do you want to go for a walk?” John asked, “The band will be staying out here until they all pass out from alcohol or tiredness and I’m the driver so I decide when to leave” he says with a small smile, I nod and start to get up.

“I would love that John” I said with a smile, we soon started walking in a random direction, John didn’t even bother to tell anyone else we were leaving so I just trusted in him as we walked and talked about random things; my favourite colour, his favourite song, favourite article of clothing and just small things, even small stories from earlier in the day.

Time passed by and we had walked a good distance away from the Van, “I think we should be heading back now” I looked at the time, “Christ! We’ve been walking for almost two and a half hours!” I say a little scared, John simply chuckled.

“Let’s start heading back then” he said, we both turned around and started heading in the direction we came in. After an hour of just walking I got fed up and challenged John to a race, he took up the offer and we ran the rest of the way which only took us half an hour before we had the van in our sights once again.

“I WIN” I yelled as I touched the van, my breathing was laboured and we both where puffing with large smiles on our faces.

“Fine fine, you win” John said.

“What’s my prize?” I asked. John shrugged, I smiled and pointed to my cheek, motioning for a kiss on the cheek; John smiled before leaning in and pecking my cheek, we both giggled before looking at the abandoned lawn chairs before starting to pack them away. Everyone else was already passed out inside the van so John started driving as soon as I packed the last chair away and got in the van. As John drove we both talked about more aimless things, laughing and joking together as the road ahead seemed so far away and yet so close.

---

“And that kids!” I clapped my hands together, “is how me John Richard Deacon met and started what is still alive today” I said. I was sitting in a normal school library, the whole place was packed with kids on the floor and sitting at-and on-tables, some standing, sitting on friends laps or whatever they could find, I had been asked to come to different local schools and answer some questions the kids may have had and tell stories I was comfortable with sharing; it had been 13 years since I had met John.

“Miss miss miss!” a kid held his hand up.

“Yes, you with your hand up” I said with a smile, the kid chuckled.

“When did you first meet John?” he asked, I had never in fact told them the year I had met John, I smiled.

“1971” I answer.

“And how old where you both?” another kid asked. I had to think about that one.

“Well let’s see” I paused for a moment, “John was nineteen at the time, the youngest of the group, and I had just turned twenty two months prior” I said with a smile, “John was nineteen and I was twenty” I finally said as a confirmation with a small nod, a few other kids whipped their hands up wanting to ask questions but before they could do anything a loud clapping noise came from one side of the room; it was a teacher.

“Alright kids, Mrs Deacon has to leave now, say goodbye” a teacher said, the kids started to get up groaning, some going as far to say ‘I have no legs miss!’ and some just simply saying ‘but I didn’t even get to ask my question’; some headed straight for the door while most came to me asking some questions to which I did obviously answer.

After another half an hour of answering questions I was finally able to leave, I bid goodbye to the teachers and whoever came near me or greeted me, I walked out of the front gates and was met with a very pleasant surprise; there on the side of the road was a large van, the words ‘Queen’ printed on the side, John Richard Deacon was leaning near the door to the van, arms crossed and one leg on the van, a large smile etched onto his face. I smiled and ran up to him giving him a large hug as he spun me around; we entered the van as John started asking me about the kids and what happened during the time I was there. I told him everything through a wide smile and exaggerated hand movements. Through all my story telling the rest of Queen and whoever else was in the van had greeted me and asked how things had gone before sitting down and listening to the stories I had told the kids or stories of the kids. They all had smiles by the end of it all.

—

I’m so sorry, this looks so shit on my phone but on my laptop it looks fine; I’m so sorry

[7dys]

roomies?

hey again im a dummy sorry

I literally could NOT think of a title im sorry here's a good ole roommate au though

request: HHhHhHhh u write so well I'm crying :(( jshsd can I get a roommate!au with jae from day6 ? with a possible fluff at the end ? eye emoji ? sjdshd tysm !! -anon

word count: 5137 she's a doozy

a/n: I must have gotten this request like... a year and a half ago at least anon if you’re seeing this I apologize but I've finally done it!!! hope u all enjoy the workings of my crackhead brain

right-o lets get to it

okay so when you moved out of your dorms after graduation you weren’t expecting it to be this God Damn Expensive

on top of buying groceries and affording your tiny ass one bedroom a girlie was struggling

so !! you decided to look into finding a roommate

obviously not to move in with you…. there’s only one bedroom okay

but like searching for an open spot with someone

you found a few that seemed nice but were all wayyyyyyy too far from your job like you would be losing money paying so much in transportation

finally you stumbled across the most cursed roommate flyer ever

but it was in a super convenient location !! so you read it anyways

it was written in GREEN and PURPLE comic sans and there were multiple pictures of chickens and cheesy memes randomly placed around the text in the middle

which by the way was a list of 7 bullet points that said this:

1:my name is jae

2:i am broke

3:i have an extra room waiting for /YOU/

4:i am in a band and will write a song about you if that’s what it takes

5:i am unreasonably good at untangling headphones and i will untangle things for you

6:i have a pet cat and if you don’t like that walk away from this flyer immediately

7:please

and then at the bottom was an octopus who’s 8 legs had his contact information on it and they were cut so you could just pull off a slip

if you were an ordinary person you would not have taken one

lucky us !!!! you’re just crazy

and you take one of the god damn octopus legs

you are understandably the only person who has taken one so far

you giggle to yourself at your own SHEER STUPIDITY and then send a text to the number

you: hi !! i saw ur ad abt looking for a roommate and i’m interested! my name is y/n and i’m still in college so u don’t have to worry about me being like . crazy im just stressed

chicken guy??: oh my god really it’s been a month since i put up that poster!! also mood

you: you put up …. only one poster …… and it was that ……

chicken guy??: it worked for u didn’t it

you: . touché

chicken guy??: anyways you can come by later today and check it out if you’d like? i swear i’m not crazy either but feel free to bring a friend if you’re worried for safety reasons or whatever

you: nah i prefer to live life on The Edge plus none of my friends would be helpful in a life threatening situation

chicken guy??: i don’t know u but i’m already worried for u pls get here soon

hehehe u liked this guy

he was funny if anything

and you tended to find all the weirdos of society and befriend them so it was safe to assume he was no different than your usual crowd

true to your word you go to the address he sent you alone later that afternoon and cheerily knock on the door

while you wait for him to answer you survey the outside

it’s honestly ….. kind of a cluttered mess but in a cute way

like some sort of kleptomaniac crow somehow got an apartment and displayed all of the strange things it found

except it’s all music related

there is a jar that is filled to the BRIM with guitar picks.

who needs that many guitar picks

“me, i do”

you squeak and turn around and go

“??????”

and the tall thin man in the door just nods

“i knew what you were thinking”

“...that’s fair”

and then he seems to remember what exactly is going on and extends one long fingered hand for a shake

“hi! you must be y/n :)) i’m jae”

you take his hand …. that shits warm

how long have you been outside that your hand is so cold when you touch him you SHIVER

he’s like oh my god come in please you’re shivering jesus christ

and you just smile and tell him it’s nice to meet him !!! what a positive polly

you come in and are pleasantly surprised that the inside has just as much personality as the poster !!

and thankfully less green and purple and ….. comic sans

you are immediately greeted by the largest tabby cat you’ve ever seen

“ah that’s my big boy mister crackers”

“his name … is mister crackers”

“....yes”

“love it. tell me more”

he smiles so BIG and WIDE when you say that you think you’re looking at the sun

as he explains more things about the apartment and points at things here and there you half listen and half just. watch him

you didn’t know what to expect from that as but it’s fair to say you lucked out as far as possible roommates go

he was tall and had shiny dark hair and glasses that made his cute little eyes even littler

and he was in a BAND that is so cool

plus he’s like …. pretty or smth

smh FOCUS

you’re gnna have to share a bathroom with him which is … scary but you looked in there and it looks clean at least

also there’s some candles in there

……. he definitely takes candlelit baths like a widow just returning from her rich husbands funeral after he left her everything in the will

king

he seems nice and funny and you appear to have a similar sense of humor …. you’re in

you’re about to tell him you’ll think about it so that you don’t come off as too excited

but then change your mind and jump up and down and tell him you’re IN and you’ll help cover the rent and cook sometimes and bake him cookies and

he stops you after cookies with a hand over your mouth

“you are perfect. please move in immediately”

you smile under his hand and hope he can’t feel your cheeks getting absolutely BLAZING hot

(he 100% can)

((and he thinks it’s really CUTE))

you grab the hand that’s over your mouth and give it a shake and tell him in a southern accent that it’s a deal pardner and he SNORTS

it was cute

you move in as quickly as possible and his band mates come over to help you move everything !!

you’re high key embarrassed to let all these literally gorgeous men into your tiny little apartment and touch all your stuff

but after talking to each of them for like 5 seconds you quickly see they’re all a bunch of nerds and you would trust them with your life

wonpil loses his MIND when he sees your little plushy collection on your bed he thinks you’re the cutest person on the whole planet

he tells jae that’s he’s the luckiest man on earth when he thinks you’re not listening

you ARE though and you stop what you’re doing to give him a big ol hug and tell him he’s an angel

sungjin disapproves of how you’ve been living and asks if you’ve been eating enough and then turns on jae with a finger like U BETTER FEED HER

brian is so intimidatingly beautiful you can’t look him in the eye until you’re all eating ramen and you watch him choke to near death and then immediately go make himself another cup

relatable

dowoon looked lost and you immediately took him under your wing and you’ve been babying him ever since

you made jae take the box full of your plates and mugs and such bc it was too heavy for your Little Angel

“please y/n i am literally the strongest of all of us let me carry things. jae is going to keel over and die”

“nonsense !!! you’re a growing boy you need rest”

“please i literally punched a HOLE in a WALL on ACCIDENT and jae has a grass allergy i promise i will be fine”

regardless of the absolute struggle it was to coordinate everyone and get all your stuff to jae’s you are FINALLY moved in

your room is obviously not the master but you weren’t gonna be like Sorry Jae I Need The Master Bedroom Move Out Xoxo

it’s cute and you brought your own furniture and some posters and decor that you had all over your old apartment

basically you just condensed it all into one room

and the boys gave you a housewarming present and it was just a picture of them performing with you badly photoshopped next to jae playing the triangle

it wasn’t even framed they just taped it to the wall

typical

after all the moving in the boys leave you and jae to settle in but the moving was TIRING so

you’re already asleep on the couch

……….typical

jae just shakes his head and covers you with one of his large sweatshirts because for some reason he only owns one blanket and it’s on his bed and he doesn’t know where yours are

he’s literally HELPLESS

you wake up with a dry mouth at 3 in the morning and smile at jaes sweater barely covering your curled up body

you hold it up and it says “i like ugly” in tiny font .

this boy is perfect

you put it on and climb in your actual bed and decide to make him breakfast tomorrow for being such an angel

you set an ALARM that’s commitment if i’ve ever seen it

you make him pancakes and and coffee and when he comes out wearing a sweatshirt similar to the one you’re wearing and the rattiest sweatpants you’ve ever seen he doesn’t even notice anything at first

nd then he rubs his eyes and just stares

“y/n i’m gonna cry i haven’t had breakfast since 2008”

you laugh and launch yourself at him because he’s That cute

“you’re so cute thank you for letting me be your roommate !!!!”

he ruffles your hair and then sets his chin on top of your head

“thanks for breakfast, sunshine. even if this is also as early as i’ve been awake since 2008”

you pinch his side at that and then go to serve him a heaping pile of pancakes bc he’s skinny and he needs it

“alright noodle eat up!!”

“did you just call me noodle?”

“yes, look at yourself”

“.. that’s fair”

you guys chat over breakfast and thank GOD it’s a sunday and neither of you have shit to do

other than laundry

you force yourself not to mom him when he just puts it all in one machine and sets it on cold and leaves .

it hurts tho

instead of being productive while you wait you have multiple staring contests

jae keeps accusing you of saying he blinked when he didn’t

“i didn’t blink my eyes just look like that !!!! they are small and asian are you racist or something??”

“shut UP i won >:((((“

after the laundry is done you go your separate ways and jae heads out to band practice and it’s your very first time …

alone in your own apartment

naturally you take off your pants and dance around for at least 10 minutes

you didn’t even realize that since your roommate is a dude you can’t just ….. not wear pants

a travesty !!!

honestly let him try to stop you from going braless though. let him try.

you laze around and try to get caught up on your favorite shows and organize your room and then it gets late and you decide you’re going to make a MEAL for dinner

like a WHOLE . MEAL.

we’re going all out

you tie your hair up and put on your cooking sweater which is just a disgusting old sweatshirt covered with stains that hangs almost to the middle of your thighs

everyone needs one

next step is MUSIC because if you cook without it you just feel sad

we’re pulling out the oldies mix that’s right

i’m talking ELO, reo speedwagon, the doobie brothers we’re getting DOWN !!!!!

perhaps we’ll sprinkle some queen in there in honor of the movie that just came out

regardless you’re head banging while you chop vegetables

extremely unsafe but entirely necessary

jae comes home in the middle of your dramatic rendition of bohemian rhapsody where you attempt to sing every single part including the operatic harmonies

you are literally on your knees singing dramatically when the door opens and he comes out of the foyer to see YOU on the FLOOR wearing NO PANTS and singing QUEEN

you may just be ……. the most perfect woman he’s ever met in his life

he joins you because what the fuck else is he supposed to do

he comes in on the high GALILEO and then air guitars THE FUCK out of the next part while you literally thrash

i’m telling you it was one of the most taxing things you’ve ever done

you finish out the song and then fist bump for respect

“something smells good but also something smells burning”

and you scream because OH NO THE GARLIC BREAD

((it’s not even that burnt jae is just weird about smells …… grass allergy headass))

after the fake crisis is averted you finish up and the both of you FEAST while watching cheesy christmas movies and booing at love

you’re both . that bitter huh

also want to note that at some point you discreetly put sleep shorts on so you could pretend you hadn’t been pantless and possibly flashing your day of the week underwear to your roommate of like 36 hours

and when you’re literally seconds away from sleep jae boops you on the nose

like . kinda hard

“hey go to sleep this couch is not comfortable i promise”

“shut up you’re BONEY everything is uncomfortable for you”

“okay now you’re just being mean get your ass in bed”

“sorryyy :((((“

“yea yea go away weirdo”

you tell him goodnight and hug him extra tight in apology and he pats your head so like. all is forgiven hehe

that night when you flop in bed and wrap yourself around one of your pillows you’re pretty damn pleased with your roommate choice

time skip you and jae have almost 0 boundaries other than the necessary ones that keep you Platonic Friends and not Married Couple

which is basically just any affection beyond hugs nd the occasional snuggle

you heard me

the boys are in your apartment . all the time

literally all the time

and wonpil drunk cries to your stuffed animals about never finding love

PLEASE someone save him please

nights like those you and jae go full parent mode because everyone’s drunk so sungjin can’t do it himself

he’s too busy literally breakdancing in your living room

he moved the coffee table out of the way and everything

after everyone is put in beds (dowoon gets to deal with wonpil‘s cry snuggling … sorry)

you and jae always collapse on the couch actually exhausted because you both have weak cardiovascular health and you just carried four full grown men

you end up leaned up against each other for support and then sagging until one of you falls over onto their back and the other just follows

it varies which one of you ends up the big spoon and it’s so CUTE when you do

you think jae pushes you over a little because he likes it too but he would rather die than admit he likes being snuggled so

you’ll fall over onto your back and jae will pretend to be surprised but then wriggle up your body until he’s half on top of you and half on the side with his head resting just under your chin

his hair is FLUFFY and it TICKLES you so you have to move it so you can sleep !

that’s what you tell yourself when you comb his hair down with your fingers

you pretend not to hear him sigh and feel it against the skin of your neck

you also pretend he hasn’t wrapped both arms around your rib cage like a vice and is not letting go anytime soon

cutie :(

he tucks his forehead into your neck and you physically feel his whole body relax and wow . so this is what peace is like

of course it lasts for 5 whole seconds before wonpil let’s out an actual wail and dowoon is urgently whispering shut the fuck up PLEASE SHUT UP

jae snorts against your neck and gives a minute shake of his head, splaying his hand across your ribs and tugging you farther into his hold

first of all. that ticKLES and it takes every shred of self control not to squirm

second: at this point he’s practically trying to fuse your bodies together really you cannot physically get closer than you are

you’re absolutely enjoying it though so you wrap your arms around him and settle in with one leg flopped over his and a blanket you pulled off the floor haphazardly thrown over the two of you

he’s such a SNUGGLE BUG you can barely believe it

he just loves to pretend he’s some angsty lonely dude who plays guitar and SKATEBOARDS like the giant cliche he is

when actually he is a Big Baby

he texts you to calculate the tip for him whenever he’s out to eat with the boys because he “swore off math in 2014”

he asks you if his outfits are okay nd he always looks like an old man but you still tell him it’s good

you think so at least <33

you can read each other so well it’s scary

you’ll walk in the living room and jae will be like NOPE i’m leaving

and you’re like what :(((((((

and he’s like i just KNOW you’re about to yell about random shit we both personally have no control over and it gives me ~anxiety~

“okay well i was just gonna say that global warming is a real proble-“

“LA LA LA I CANT HEAR YOU”

(he thinks global warming is real he just. doesn’t want to talk abt it bc he knows you will Never Shut Up once you start)

you hand him coffee on his way out in the mornings when you know he has a long day ahead and he pats you on the head in thanks every time

jae cooks for you too !!! we love equality

he sticks to pretty simple stuff but he was living alone for a while so he had to know at least a little so he could like. survive

and believe it or not the both of you are not always sunshine and daffodils

when you’re upset he always knows and makes sure to be there if you need anything but basically just leave you alone

he has a tendency to misread the situation and think it’s still cool for him to joke around but you are Actually Angry

and it’s gotten him into lots of trouble so instead he is supportive from afar and does his best to be not offensive

when he’s upset he’s usually super mopey and writes sad song lyrics all day

you forcefully drag him out of his room to make sure he eats and do your best to cheer him up by whatever means necessary

you’ve embarrassed yourself just to hear that laugh of his

the one where he opens his mouth really wide and gasps a little and his eyes squeeze shut

……… fuckin cute

anyways you guys are just dating already but don’t even realize

until one of your coworkers asks you to come out after work and you say no

and it’d be Friendly and Normal if you did it because you promised jae you would cook that night

or you had made plans with him or something

but you were just uncomfortable doing any of that kind of stuff with some Not Jae guy

and after that your eyes are ~wide open~ sister

you find yourself giggling a little too long when he jokes around with you

you can’t help it okay his presence is like a RUSH of serotonin

and imagining yourself doing couple things with jae

turning your usual dinner outings into dates in your head where he holds your hand as he drives and sits next to you in the booth so he can sling a long arm around your shoulders

you let yourself become the slightest bit more affectionate

tucking yourself under his chin every night before you split to your separate rooms

tugging on his hand to get his attention and then playing with his long fingers

you know he notices because god damn how could he not notice ??

he has literally bad vision but he can read the signs

This Ain’t His First Rodeo

he is hesitant to become involved with someone he depends on so much

the age old dilemma of wanting someone but then being afraid to lose them because of it

he wouldn’t admit it but you were quite literally the light of his life

he had been so lonely in his apartment before, living off of instant ramen simply because he didn’t want to cook anything and holing up in his room writing about loneliness and being lost

then you showed up with your bright eyes and took every weird quirk of his in stride and nagged him about eating better and washing his clothes “properly”

(he thinks when you say “properly” you just mean your own way but that’s besides the point)

he even liked when you would take his glasses and wear them and do terrible impressions of him because you looked so CUTE in them

he thinks you’d look cute in all of his belongings but again

are the both of you ready to cross that line?

of course u are lol what else am i supposed to write about

fourth wall break: over

okay so wonpil keeps coming over when he knows jae is gone to try to convince you that the two of you are in love and should get married and have little mini jaes and whatnot

you inform him that he’s CRAZY and that jae thinks of you as a roommate and friend and that’s IT

and as much as you want to think you’re denying wonpil because you’re embarrassed you’re starting to actually believe it

he’s never shown any sort of real interest in you that is out of the realm of Friendly Roommates

and yeah sometimes you guys snuggle but wonpil is literally wrapped around your right arm at this very second so . not valid

wonpil is basically BEGGING at this point for you to see what he sees

which is jae actually being sickeningly in love with you

even if you did believe him at all …. that’s an exaggeration and you both know it

“y/n he’s writing a SONG. about YOU. that boy love loves you. big time”

“people write songs for their friends all the time”

“not jae !! he’s never written a song that hasn’t been about love or loss, you choose which one you’ll be”

“oh shit that was deep”

“i know right? can you believe i came up with that on the spot? wig.”

and then you smack him for being a fckin twitter stan and continue with your argument

jae walks in just as it starts to get physical

wonpil is latched onto your leg as you squirm and wiggle around trying to throw the LEECH off your leg

jae detaches him with a well placed finger between his ribs that makes him squeal Very Loudly and let go

unfortunately you had been leaning all your weight to one side to counteract wonpil and when he let go you went careening sideways

jae just barely grabbed your wrist and yanked you back up

and then you stumbled into him and he stumbles and you both almost fall before getting your shit together

you’re standing pressed together with his feet spread apart so that you’re a little bit closer to his height as you latch onto his shoulders for balance

one of his arms slides around your middle to hold you against him while he used the other to make sure his guitar case doesn’t just fall off his shoulder

wonpil is on the ground holding his rib cage and fake crying when jae goes

“enough wonpil i could hear you yelling like a block away what is going on here???”

you peep out a nothing !!! at the same time wonpil yells

“i’m trying to convince y/n of TRUE LOVE that’s what”

“oh …. y/n is in love?”

“y/n is in DENIAL”

you plead with him to stop please wonpil

and he is relentlessly ranting about how you refuse to “see the light” and how happy you could be

jae sees that this is actually upsetting you from your flushed cheeks and furrowed eyebrows and the way you clutch the hem of his sweatshirt

“alright that’s enough. wonpil go home you lovesick fool”

wonpil trudges out and gives you a sneaky kiss on the cheek

jae has to hold you back when you lunge after him

after you’ve calmed down he slowly slides his arm from being wrapped around your middle to just barely brushing your back

you didn’t mean to get so worked up but like . wonpil is good at that okay

and he was basically going to out you to jae ????:??:!:?:$,&3!:8;

that’s a stressful event

you feel your breathing even out and you sigh in frustration

“i’m sorry y/n, he does that sometimes :/“

“it’s fine it was just . a lot”

“yeah”

you stand in silence for a good minute when jae drops his hand from your back and ducks his chin

“was he…. telling the truth?”

and you want to die because wonpil wasn’t even there and you’re still getting outed !!!!

“which part?”

“the part where you’re in love with someone”

“i wouldn’t say ….. love”

“oh”

and this is just painful so you take a deep breath and just

“okay listen i really really get it if you don’t return the feelings and it’s fine i just … please don’t kick me out i really love living here and all your band members coming over and i even love wonpil !!!! even though he’s a little crazy !!! and i love your fat cat mr.crackers and dancing around to old green day and watching shitty romance movies just to make fun of them and i just don’t want this to end!! we can forget it ever happened and i swear i’ll just. get over it or something and i-“

“okay don’t get too hasty about forgetting it i haven’t even said anything yet”

you stare at him wide eyed

“i’m sorry . what.”

“i can’t believe it took wonpil bodily attacking you for you to say that”

and then he drops his guitar with a thud and steps into your space to slide a warm hand around the nape of your neck

he pulls you closer and stops when your noses brush

“is this okay?” he whispers

“why are you whispering?” you whisper back

“shut up” he breathes right back

he smiles and then tugs you forward and tilts his head down to plant his lips on yours

he’s soft and tentative and pulls away after just a few seconds to press kisses to your cheeks and the tip of your nose

“if it’s worth anything i like you too,”

“are you kidding me that’s worth EVERYTHING ???”

and then you pounce on him and bury your face into the dip of his shoulder because you can’t reach his neck

damn skyscraper

he stumbles at first but then smiles down at your flushed face absolutely squished against his bony chest

he thinks it’s cute though and cranes his neck down to lay his cheek across the top of your head and loop his arms around you

dating jae is even better than you thought it would be !!!

wonpil wasn’t lying when he said jae was writing a song for you and when he plays it for you and sings so sweetly you cry your fckin eyes out

and he’s laughing and pulling you in to situate you on his lap with his guitar long forgotten leaning against the couch and asking you when you became such a softie

you look up at him with tears in your eyelashes and love in your eyes and he positively melts

he kisses your forehead and ruffles your hair and calls you kid like he didn’t just profess his undying love for you through song like the cliche he is

the two of you spend the whole night wrapped up in each other, expressing all the affection you’d missed out on in the last few weeks

you hadn’t realized how…. touchy jae is until now

he can barely function without his good morning kiss

“y/n i am a weak, weak man pls give me a kiss or else i won’t make it through the day,”

..you also hadn’t realized he was this dramatic lmao

the boys supremely unsurprised when they burst into your apartment to find you straddling jae with your fingers in his hair

i’m telling you they don’t even PAUSE in their steps they just look at you and acknowledge it

and then brian just …. takes a seat next to you guys and is like

“are y’all done i wanna watch this redbox movie and return it tonight before i gotta pay for another day”

you’re both cherry red in the face and untangle yourselves in astonishment at his casual tone

dowoon is rummaging around in your fridge and calls out from the kitchen that the two of you were the most obvious people on the planet and that the rest of the band was in the same boat as wonpil they just weren’t absolute psychos

wonpil: this is true but i resent that

all of you settle back into a comfortable dynamic

you’re super happy that your relationship with jae didn’t make anything weird

it probably helped that the very first night that jae mentioned in passing that you were cute and the band had never let it go since

it also probably helped when wonpil pointed out your actual literal heart eyes the first time you saw jae

……………. they were just waiting for it to happen tbh

anyways

nowadays you spend your mornings parting ways with a kiss and your evenings snuggled up together on the couch exchanging eskimo kisses and sweet nothings and you couldn’t be happier

<3

[myloveofwords]

Do You Believe?

Original Imagine: hi! I love your writing! it’s absolutely amazing! I was wondering if I could have a one shot request where the reader gets critically injured bc Barry wasn’t fast enough to save her. super angsty and sad? thank you! @zbvbble (Sorry it took so long Sweetie! hope you enjoy, cuz it almost killed me!)

Reader Gender: Female

Word Count: 2,000

Warnings: ANGST. SO MUCH ANGST. UH. OH MY GOD. I’M SO SORRY.

Author: Contrygal7

                                                     * * * * *

If I didn’t believe in you.

The words cut deep into your head, the first thought of the day and recalling fights hurt. This isn’t the first time you’ve heard those words, though. Of course the first time wasn’t nearly as depressing.

No.

The first time it was warm. A fuzzy kinda warm that slowly seeps its way into your bones almost as if its igniting your entire body in a tantalizingly slow burn. The early morning sunshine, the whole world cascaded in a pink tint, as it fell lazily over the small bedroom in your even smaller studio apartment that you currently shared with your full time boyfriend part time superhero, Barry Allen.

The whole day seemed to reflect your mood, everything a stupid, can’t possibly be real kinda happy. Then you heard it, you’d heard it before of course, but singing in the shower was one thing… This was something different all together.

♪ If I didn’t believe in you♪

♪We’d never have gotten this far. ♪

♪If I didn’t believe in you♪

♪And all of the ten thousand women you are. ♪

He was actually singing. Like he sounded like he knew what the hell he was doing, now your boyfriend was many things. Goofy. Cute. Adorable. A super dork. Charismatic as hell when he wanted to be. But a singer? It just didn’t seem like it was actually him.

… Until he accidentally dropped this solid one liner into the air in front of him.

“Maybe I should just ask her… Nah. No. It’s too soon. Yeah. It’s wayyyyyyy to soon. But is it? Seven months? Maybe. I mean, ugh. I don’t know. I mean I know it’s what I want. But is it what she wants?”

Elevated heart rate, which Barry can hear, or sense or whatever the fuck he does. He turns around faster than your eyes can see, but living with a speedster you we’re used to it.

His deep blue eyes seemed to mirror your own terror as the two of you stood in the bright sunny kitchen, the tension palpable. You could feel his anxiety from across the small room as he too loudly asked “Coffee? You need coffee. I need coffee. I think we both need coffee. I’ll…”

Barry was gone and back in seconds two coffee cups from CC Jitters. You smile sweetly at his terror filled face as a single hand cups his cheek “Thank you sweetheart. Did you have something you wanted to ask me?”

His eyes screamed yes, but somehow he kept his dorkiness to a minimum as he, as slowly as a speedster can, dropped down on one knee. His big puppy dog eyes are what sealed the deal, he opened the small black velvet box in his hands. You looked down, catching glimpse of the shiny red bone shaped dog tag nestled inside.

BUT back to present day … Barry had left this morning with out a single noise.

You woke to a dark room and cold sheets. Glancing quickly at the alarm the 5:13 there glared at you with bright green neon. The world around you seemed to darken, you didn’t like fighting with Barry but sometimes he was just so stubborn.

The fight seemed to cycle and cycle thought your head. You overthought everything said and remembered everything. It was torture, sitting alone in a bed meant for two. Cold and alone. A single tear fell from your cheek as the words said came into razor focus:

“WEll, I’m sorry Barry! I’m sorry I can’t be everything that you want me to be! I’m sorry I’m not a doctor like Caitlin, or a superstar reporter like Iris! Shit Barry.“

"Who said anything about Caitlin or Iris?”

“And you’re never home! You’re always with everyone else but me. You leave me for days, sometimes weeks at a time with no explanation.”

“I have responsibilities (Y/N)! I can’t be here every time you have a feeling!”

“Like you’d know anything about me feelings, Barry. You’re never home. You’re always gallivanting around the city, fighting bad guys and ignoring ME!”

“I do NOT ignore you (Y/N).”

“Well you certainly don’t pay attention.“

"And when am I suppose to do that (Y/N)? The three hours I get to sleep at night? Or maybe you’d like the thirty minutes before hand when I eat before I pass out. Oh! Or maybe you’d like the eight hours when I’M AT WORK EVERYDAY.”

“OR you could come home before the goddamn crack of dawn. Or when you do come home, you always find some kind of excuse to leave yet again!“

The click of paws on the floor snapped you from your memory so you figured Flash, the lovable dalmatian that you and Barry adopted together, needed to go outside.

Without hesitation you stumbled your way through the dark gathering Flash’s leash and your shoes before hustling him outside.

The air was cold and wet. The rain fell around you, chilling you to the bone. You didn’t see anything until it was too late. The sweet smell filled your nostrils and the last thing you remember is the cool sensation against your face as you feel into the darkness.

                                           * Barry’s P.O.V *

I should have went back this morning. I should have went home and crawled into bed, held her close and never left. My neck is sore from sleeping on the couch at the lab, my body aches from lack of sleep, and my head is spinning in regrets.

I should just go home now. Call the captain, tell him I need a personal day. Pick up some flowers and some pizza from that place in Gotham she loves so much. Meet her back at the apartment and lay in bed all day.

Hell, she’s never going to say yes to marrying me if I keep treating her like this. My hand instantly goes to cup the diamond ring in my coat pocket. I shake my head as I realize that I’d been carrying it around since the second month we’d started dating.

She is my everything. I have to make this up to her.

I take out my phone and begin to execute my brilliant plan, until my phone lights up and Cisco’s name pops up. Damn it.

”Cisco, whatever it is let Wally handle it. I can–“

"Barry. It’s (Y/N).”

I was in Star Labs before the call ended.

“What’s happening Cisco?”

“The Meta-finder got something. It’s him Barry. And he’s got (Y/N).”

“How long?”

“I don’t know. Neighbors place her walking Flash at 5, and he just popped up on my radar. We have no account of his whereabouts for in between.”

“That’s 3 hours Cisco.”

“Yeah, man. It’s bad. Want me to call Oliver?”

“No.”

I didn’t finish my sentence. I left her alone. Scared. In the middle of a fight. And now I may never get to see her smile again. I suited up and headed face first into a hurricane.  

                                                 * * * * *

You woke with a throbbing in the back of your head. Your stomach growled causing you to slump forward, you realized your hands were bound behind you. You shuffled forward trying to regain some kind of bearing, and that’s when you heard him.

“Comfy?”

“What the fuck do you want?”

“Oh I think we both know the answer to that question.”

“Well your not going to get it. He’s not coming.”

“Oh but he is.”

“Oh, but he’s not. Asshole.”

“Uh oh. Trouble in paradise?”

You tilted away from him, hoping to terminate any and all conversation which worked. For a whole half a second.

“It doesn’t matter anyway. He won’t get here in time.”

“I’m not taking the bait, asshole.”

“What is it with you and that word?”

“OH I’m sorry. Douche bag. There’s another word for ya.”

“What does Mr. Allen see in you anyway?”

Your eyes widened and you were thankful you’d turned your body away. How in the hell did he know? Your head began to throb again and you cried out.

The last thing you remember is Barry’s face as the darkness slowly took over. You stumbled over the words as they left your mouth. You didn’t know if he could hear them or not, but they needed to be said.

“I believe in you, Barry Allen.”

Your eyes closed slowly and your breathing soon followed. Everything blurred together. Then black.

                                        * Barry’s P.O.V *

I saw the light leave her eyes and I cried out. I don’t remember much after that. Caitlin says it could have been that my body was moving faster than my brain could keep up with. Wells says it could have been too traumatic and I’ve blocked it out. I don’t know. I don’t really care.

All I know is she’s in a hospital bed, on life support and I’m still breathing. I haven’t figured out the how or the why yet.

Another tear falls down my face. It seems like that’s all I do now. Cry.

I feel nothing, I feel empty. I don’t eat. I don’t sleep. I just sit here and stare down at the love of my life. And pray that she will wake up.

Her last words bring a sharp pain to my chest.

I believe in you, Barry Allen.

Why? Her last words, she had to have known they were going to be, yet… She didn’t cry out for help. She didn’t try and plead for her life. She didn’t scream at the top of her lungs…

She told me exactly what I needed to hear. A single phrase and I felt I could take on the world. A conclusion of words that made me feel invisible. A solid string of syllables that connected the two of us in a way I didn’t even realize she was capable of.

A single memory came into mind. One with white curtains and yellow sunshine. Dirty dishes and happy times.

♪ If I didn’t believe in you. ♪

♪ We’d never have gotten this far. ♪

I took her hand into my own, feeling the warmth and smiling down at her.

♪ If I didn’t believe in you. ♪

♪ And all of the ten thousand women you are. ♪

I laughed slightly remembering how she hated when I sang that part to her. Part of me hoped it would piss her off enough she’d wake up.

♪ If I didn’t think you could do ♪

♪ Anything you ever wanted to ♪

♪ If I wasn’t certain that you’d come through somehow ♪

♪ The fact of the matter is, (Y/N). ♪

♪ I wouldn’t be sitting here now. ♪

She never once moved. I watched as the machine assisted her with each and every breath. The rise and fall of her chest and the sudden stillness of her seemed to be too much all at once.

I raised my hand to my face, feeling the sobs begin to tear through my body. I walked over to the machine and with a trembling hand, flipped all the necessary switches.

I watched though tear filled eyes as the machine took her final breath for her. Her eyes never once opening.

21:17

The clock taunted me beside me. I swear I could feel my soul leave my body.

I listened to the tantalizing beeping of the heart rate monitor.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

I listened closer as it begin to flat line signaling the end of her life.

BEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPP.

Silence. It filled the room. Filled my head, my heart. Everything. There is no moving on from this kind of pain.

This is it.

The end.

Beep.

.  .  .  .  . Then again… Maybe not.

[mithrilwren]

I would love to hear 1-10 for your absolute favorite thing you have ever written, give me those DETAILS

Good god, this got wayyyyyyy too long. I hope you actually wanted details because you sure are gonna get them. 

1. Of the fics you’ve written, which is your favorite and why?

I thought this would be a more difficult choice, but it really could only be one: Land Mines (ao3). It’s the only thing I’ve ever written for Steins;Gate, and probably the only thing I ever will, but it holds a very special place in my heart. 

I wrote Land Mines at a very strange time in my life. I was jobless for a summer after I finished school, living alone in a strange town, with very little social contact. Though I knew it was only temporary, the feeling of isolation was ever-present in my mind, and this story was the product of that. 

I think the main reason it’s my favourite is that it’s the first thing I ever wrote where I really felt like I was starting to understand my own style? Using (literal) story structure to dictate meaning has always fascinated me, and this fic is essentially a series of structured vignettes, some larger and some smaller, that begin broadly and narrow in on one focused theme.

2. Which scene was your favorite to write in Land Mines?

The vignettes in this fic are essentially time-dated snapshots of the main character (Okabe) and his life over one semester at college - I’ll get to how I landed on that particular framing device in a later question. I suppose I can treat each one of those as individual scenes, though none are longer than 400 words, and the shortest is just three.

My favourite is the one where Okabe is leaving his final exam, which is actually the last piece I wrote. I had already written the ending, and I knew I needed one more piece of connective tissue to draw things together; the last few segments are very short, and they felt too abrupt without one more long-form section preceding them. I wasn’t even exactly sure where I was going with it when I started writing, but I remember a moment of pure joy when I hit “It’s just that he’s so tired.“ because I finally felt like I’d found the emotional beat I needed to justify the ending. So that was a very satisfying (and relieving) experience.

3. Which part of Land Mines was hardest to write?

Overall, the most challenging thing is this fic was figuring out how to handle POV. I started with a purely observational perspective: only what could be seen was allowed on the page. But very quickly I found Okabe’s POV started to creep back in - I just couldn’t write the story effectively without the reader knowing what he was thinking. 

What I finally landed on is a combination of the two. I allowed myself to address Okabe’s inner thoughts, but I tried to keep those descriptions as impersonal as possible. I also threw in some of Mayuri’s inner monologue to drive that point home: this is a clinical observation of events from an unbiased (non-existant) bystander - even if that bystander has insight into the characters’ thoughts and perspectives. 

4. If you could change anything in Land Mines, what would it be?

One snapshot I wouldn’t mind re-writing is the one that deals with Okabe writing something for one of his coding classes. It was a self-indulgent chapter (I’d just finished a degree in CS) and I knew it. Though it accomplished what it needed to for the narrative (bringing attention back to Kurisu and the lost connection with other Lab members) I think there are more effective ways I could have gotten the same information across. This segment fought me at every turn as I was writing, and that’s probably a good indication it needed to be cut, or at least reworked. 

5. Did you make an outline for Land Mines? Did you stick to it?

Hahaha NOPE. But the fic is so structured, it kind of became its own outline? I had a framing device (the date marks) and a timeframe (one school semester, start to end), and I wrote snapshots to fill out that timeframe. I only had a few ideas when I started writing, so there was a lot of “write a bit, now where does this fit?” that went on. As I wrote and re-arranged, the broad arc of the story took shape, and then i could start filling in what was missing.

6. Which scenes did you cut, and which were added in Land Mines?

I don’t remember cutting any scenes, though I’m sure some underwent massive edits that I’ve just forgotten about. I already discussed one scene I added at the end, but I also remember going through near the end and dotting an extra segment or two with the unnamed gossiping classmates. The first was meant to be a one-off, since anyone who’s ever spoken to me about writing knows that I avoid dialogue at all costs, but in the end it was both interesting and efficient to explore the progression of public opinion of Okabe as he withdraws through their perspective.

7. Who was your favorite character to write in Land Mines?

I’m not sure if I really wrote individual characters, so I guess… Okabe? lol

8. Which came first, the title or the fic?

Dear lord, definitely the fic. I actually implored a friend for help on the title after it was finished, and even now I’m not too happy with it. It kind of feels… surface level? Like, this fic does deal a lot with PTSD and, more subtly with unexpected triggers, but the underlying theme was ultimately isolation and the disintegration of past relationships, which the title doesn’t really address in any way. 

9. Which idea came to you first in Land Mines?

This is what I hinted at in #2. My original plan for Land Mines was actually a multi-media project, if you can believe it. I was contemplating how Okabe had Seen Some Shit™ during the events of the series, stuff he wouldn’t be able to explain to anyone else - how could he go back to school after summer break so messed up? So my first idea was the image of him accidentally punching a fist through drywall (which made it into the fic!) after a bought of paranoia. What I planned was basically Okabe’s student file from his university, outlining escalating disciplinary problems over the course of a semester. The notes I jotted down for that file (the drywall incident, skipping out of class, a revoked scholarship) were the bones of what eventually became this fic.

10. What are some facts readers may not know about Land Mines?

Hmm, besides the multi-media thing? 

The motorcycle sequence was very much inspired by Brand New’s Limousine: a beautiful and profoundly disturbing song.

[imaginingcriminalminds]

Things Past Chapter 7

Title: Things Past Chapter 7  Author: delusionsofnostalgia Rating: Chapter rating: T+             Story Rating:M

Prompt: based on this imagine/drabble request: Could you possibly do a one shot of Reid/reader where they used to date (the team never knew about the two of you) and you had a bad breakup.   Then a couple of years later the reader is called in to consult on a case the BAU has and it’s clear Reid still has feelings for her.   Main Character(s): Spencer Reid, Reader Chapter Trigger Warning: Brief mention of violence, reader is in hospital due to injury. Multishot: Chapter 7 [All chapters in this story will have the tag “things past.”] Author’s Notes: So it’s been over a year since I’ve updated this story and I SINCERELY apologize! Things got really hectic but I’ve always wanted to finish this. Thank you guys for the messages telling me that you liked it. I hope this chapter lives up to it and you still want to know the end of this one! Again, I am so sorry it took so long. This is the last chapter before the Epilogue, please enjoy and feel free to message me.   [No Morgan arc spoilers]

Chapter 7

A tall, young doctor quickly follows behind the nurse who had pulled Spencer away and despite your still hazy eyesight you can see a panicked Spencer standing outside the glass door that had just been slid shut on him. 

His hands are buried in the pockets of his dark slacks and his tongue darts out to wet his lips as his head whips quickly between the monitor displaying your vitals and the doctor standing on your left side taking your pulse. 

You want to smile, but feel like that might be slightly inappropriate given the situation. Spencer. He was here. He was still here. After weeks of working with the team and him avoiding you, you were sure you’d wake up alone, if you had ever woken up again. 

The doctor is explaining patiently that you had suffered blunt force trauma to the back of your skull which resulted in a pretty severe concussion added to which, you had taken a bullet to the stomach. 

It had been a clean shot, through and through, more on your left side, thankfully missing internal organs. 

However, shaking his head, he admitted that you had been delayed in getting here and had lost a large amount of blood. Now that you were awake they wanted to keep you under observation but he was sure you’d make a full, if not speedy, recovery. 

“Ok, I’m going back outside and I’m going to let Dr. Reid in,” at the look on your face the doctor chuckles lightly, “oh yes, I know his name, he’s been accosting my floor staff for the past 36 hours for minute by minute updates on you, when he wasn’t busy lecturing my nurses on how to properly attend to you of course.”

You laugh, your eyes traveling over to the messy brown hair and lanky form pacing outside the glass door. 

You clutch your stomach at the sudden, sharp pain but nod gently, “Sorry about that Doc. He’s just a little overzealous sometimes.”

Your doctor shrugs patiently. “It’s okay. I’ve seen a lot of people go crazy when the people they truly love are injured or sick.”

He walked out of the room as you were left to process what he had said; truly love? You and Spencer had shared that kiss before the raid but love? He hadn’t even wanted to speak to you a few days ago, couldn’t even stand to be in the same room. 

Just as you begin to give the notion serious thought, there’s an explosion of noise from outside your room and you clock an excited Penelope Garcia tottering towards you. You glance around her; Spencer has cornered your doctor and was assaulting him with barrage of questions. 

“Y/N!!!! Oh my god! Thank goodness you’re alright!” Penelope envelops you in a vanilla scented hug.

“Hi Penny.” You say softly, trying to return her hug but wincing as you move your arms.

“No no! You rest up! Don’t you dare move your arms! The rest of the team are still here, I just called Morgan to let them know that you’re awake. We were so worried, and Boy Wonder hasn’t slept in days,” she leans closer to you, the fake diamonds on the rims of her glasses winking at you in the fluorescent light, “we didn’t want to leave him alone, we weren’t sure what he’d do, he was losing his mind, pacing, drinking wayyyyyyy too much coffee, even more than usual, he even called his Mom.”

You open and closed your mouth quickly. So it hadn’t been a hallucination. Diana Reid had been at your bedside at some point. 

Penelope is droning on in the background about the unsub being in custody; your deductions along with Spencer’s are what led them right. JJ was apparently feeling pretty guilty over a recently inconsolable Spencer at your bedside, she had felt it was her fault that you had gotten hurt, she was on your six after all.  

You shake your head vehemently at this statement, “JJ has nothing to be sorry for, Spencer loves her, there’s nothing he wouldn’t forgive her, especially me, he couldn’t even stand me when we were working together on the case.” 

Before Penelope can answer, the sound of the vacuum seal on the room door opening interrupts your conversation. 

You look to the man in question as he enters silently. There’s stubble on that perfect jawline and his usually hazel eyes are dark, almost black, matching the circles surrounding them. You hold out a hand to him, regarding him with a soft smile. This man, the man you loved and still love.

His lean form crosses to the other side of your bed. Spencer gently intertwines his graceful fingers with yours on the crisp white hospital sheet, his other hand moving to cup your cheek. You instantly leaned into his touch and closed your eyes, relishing his presence. 

“Uh…..um,” Penelope coughed lightly, “why don’t I go let the others know that Y/N is stable and that we should be ready to travel soon.” 

“y/n….” Spencer sat on the chair where he had been sleeping for the past few days, at your side. 

“Spence.” His name came out as a croak and he quickly reached for the plastic cup of water and held the straw to your lips. His eyes searched your face, as if he was drinking in and memorizing every second, ever micro-expression, every glance in his direction. You want to reach out to touch him, have him near you. 

As he removed the cup you took your chance, “Spence, would you do me a favour?”

“Anything.” came the quiet but definite response. His lips pursed slightly at the side as you had seen them do so many times before, his eyebrows creasing slightly. You reached out with a light laugh and ran your index softly in between his eyes down his nose. “Don’t frown so much Dr. Reid, no one died.”

You were just making a joke, trying to alleviate his seriousness but you realized his brown eyes were filling with tears. 

“Oh Spence, come here.” You begged him, your voice quivering a little as you slowly lifted your arms and held them open.

He shook his head, his brown hair fluttering slightly, making it even messier, his soft hands never leaving your own. 

“I shouldn’t, the doctors said that you shouldn’t be moved or have any physical exertion.”

“Spencer. Please.” You stared at him beseechingly, already trying desperately to shift and finding you didn’t have enough strength. A small smile perks up his lips as he slips a well toned arm under you, easily moving your body slightly to the right side of the bed. 

“I am so glad you’re alright Y/N,” he whispers as he settles next to you, his long legs almost falling off the bed, his sweater clad arms wrapping hesitantly around your upper body. 

You lean into him enjoying the softness of his sweater and the solid support that is his slowly rising and falling chest and he drops a light kiss on your hair.

You take a few deep breaths as you look up at him, seeing him like this reminds you of all the mornings you had woken up to a younger Spencer. He was older now, more filled out, more sure of himself but still just as kind and calming to you.

“Look Spence,” you begin, his worried brown eyes coming to rest on your face, “ you don’t have to stay. You and the team have done enough. I know you don’t even want to be around me. Please don’t stay out of guilt and don’t be so hard on Jennifer, she covered me as much as she could have, I was the liability….. I shouldn’t have been at the raid, you were right.” 

Spencer pulls back from you so quickly that you wince again and let out a gasp, “Ouch.” 

“Y/N.” his eyes are serious, his large hands cupping your face, his thumb brushes your jawline in a soothing motion and you lean into him, willing yourself not to cry, you weren’t going to guilt him into staying even if that was what you wanted most; for Spencer Reid to stay by your side forever. 

“Y/N, I don’t want to leave,” warm brown eyes search your face for a reaction, “I stayed with you because I wanted to be here, I should have been the one watching out for you during the raid, not JJ, I should have been the one to protect you from the start of this.” His words are soft and spoken with a tempered, comforting intonation that belongs solely to Spencer. 

Tears run down to your chin as you stare at the white sheet covering your lower body, “Spencer, you don’t have to be nice to me because I got hurt, I was doing my job, I got sent to help you and your team, I could have asked Hotch to stay behind, I wanted to go in with you guys, I put myself in harm’s way, but you,” you raise a hand to brush hair out of his eyes, “ I know how kind you are Spence, I’ve always loved your kindness, but you didn’t even want to be around me when I was at Quantico, you want to talk to me, or be near me and I understand that. I know what happened between us in the hotel was just late night madness on your part.” you hiccuped, “ I mean I wanted you, wanted you to come to my room, to be with me, to love me, but I know you don’t want me anymore, I know you haven’t in a long time.” 

You stop rambling but don’t dare look up, sniffing harshly to draw in breath. 

Spencer’s brows are drawn down over his eyes, “Y/N…” he looks confused and hurt and you don’t know what you had said to elicit that reaction. 

Without warning his hands move to the back of your neck and he pulls you towards him. You allow him to, ignoring the pain in your side as his lips find yours. 

The kiss is hard, hungry, so different from the usual gentle, seeking kisses he used to give you. He’s pulling at you as though he’s trying to drown in you, drown in your presence, your smell, your own much smaller body providing him some sort of solace. 

His lips move feverishly to the corner of your mouth and then along your jaw, grazing against your neck and finding the soft spot under your ear, his hands delving into your hair at the nape of your neck. You let out a soft groan, somewhere between pleasure and pain as his other hand accidentally skims the bandages over your ribcage. 

“Shit. Sorry.” He pulls back. 

“Spence….”

“No Y/N, let me explain. I…..” he heaves in a breath, leaning away from you to pull your hands into his lap, his long fingers running up and down your arm in light touches, as though he were stroking the keys of a piano. 

“I……I wasn’t avoiding you at Quantico,” you raise your eyebrows and he laughs, a light melodious sound you had missed, “ Ok, ok, maybe I was avoiding you, but not for the reason you think. I couldn’t be around you because it hurt too much. I didn’t know how to deal with it. It felt like there was something ripping inside of me, every time you walked past, every time I smelled your perfume, or heard you laugh or saw you joking around with Penelope or Derek,” his brown eyes are glistening with tears and his mouth was doing that downward curve thing that you hated seeing on him because it meant that he was resisting some strong emotion.

Spencer swallows hard, “Don’t you understand? I left you all those years ago to protect you. I have seen everyone on my team be put in some kind of danger and we have all had someone we care about affected by our jobs. I couldn’t do that to you. Besides dealing with me and my mom, I couldn’t know that you weren’t safe because of me. I couldn’t do that to the person I love, I couldn’t be selfish enough to put your life in jeopardy just so I could wake up next to you, hold you to comfort myself when I came home from a case, eat pancakes with you for dinner…..I loved you too much. You deserved a full and happy life with someone who wouldn’t be gone for weeks at a time and wouldn’t wake up in the night screaming from vicarious trauma. You deserved someone normal. Someone better than me.” 

“Spencer…why didn’t you ever just talk to me?” You ask bewildered by his explanation. 

“Y/N, you were so young, you had your whole life ahead of you. I didn’t want you to be held back, I know how much you worry, I could hear it in your voice every single time that I called you while we were away on a case. I didn’t want you to go through that anymore. You are brilliant and beautiful and kind and funny and so empathetic, I knew you would find someone else, I was sure you would be happier with someone else. I couldn’t talk to you because I couldn’t bear it, I couldn’t bear leaving, I just knew it had to be done.” Spencer’s hot tears mingle with your own as they drop onto your interwoven hands. 

That was why he had left? He had left because he was afraid you’d get hurt? Of him being the reason that you would be hurt?

“Spencer Reid! How dare you?!” you admonished at him. He looks up at you in shock, brown eyes clouding over with confusion. “How could you make that decision for me?! I love you you idiot. be happier with someone else??!?! Spencer,” you lower your tone noticing the hurt in those perfect features, “no one has ever measured up to you. No one could be as brave or kind or funny or eccentric as you. No one’s voice ever calmed me as yours did, no one knew exactly when I needed a hug or a encouraging word, no one was ever like you Spence, I haven’t been able to ever even date anyone else. Who could measure up to you? Who could talk to me about geography and literature and french classic cinema and take me to Dr. Who conventions and teach me how to read German.” He gives you a dopey smile, one that was bashful but lit up the entire room. 

“Spence, I never stopped loving you. It was always only you.”

He sighs, his large body moving closer to yours. Spencer gently leans his forehead down onto your own, “And it’s only ever been you for me too Y/N.”

[weerd1]

Star Trek DS9 Rewatch Log, Stardate 1909.11: Missions Reviewed, “One Little Ship,” “Honor Among Thieves,” “Change of Heart,” and “Wrongs Darker Than Death or Night.”

The Defiant is on a rare scientific mission when “One Little Ship” begins, escorting a Runabout with Bashir, Dax, and O’Brien into a subspace compression, which will actually objectively compress their molecules until they are comparatively miniaturized. This experiment may lead to advanced in transwarp technology, but must be preformed precisely, with the Defiant keeping them under tractor beam to pull them out exactly along the path they went in. Suddenly the Runabout is shaken, and the Defiant loses control of them.  When they do find the Defiant, it was captured and attacked by the Jem’Hadar, and the Runabout is now about three inches long.  They know they have to help and actually use a venting port to fly their ship inside the Defiant. There they observe that the Jem’Hadar is forcing the crew to fix the warp drive, damaged in the Dominion attack. They realize that Sisko and crew are faking much of what they’re doing, trying to recapture the bridge controls.  The Wee Folk decide to help, and go fly stealthily to the bridge where O’Brien and Bashir have to enter a computer to reroute control to Sisko. 

The Starfleet takeover is made easier as the Dominion has now engineered new Jem’Hadar in the Alpha Quadrant, and the “Alphas” and “Gammas” among them are developing an unhealthy rivalry.  With control directed to Sisko, and a couple of anti-personnel photon torpedoes from a tiny Runabout, the Jem’Hadar are killed, and the Defiant can take the shuttle back to the Compression to excise it properly and restore them to size.

 When telling the story at Quark’s later, Odo mentions that he thinks Bashir and O’Brien may be a few centimeters shorter. As they rush out to the infirmary to check, Quark smiles at Odo. “And they say you have no sense of humor.”

It’s “Fantastic Voyage” come to Trek and in an episode that wisely doesn’t take itself too seriously.  The effects are neat, as is the crew interaction as we get to see the crew working their subterfuge against the Jem’Hadar from the “miniature” perspective. The sets for when Bashir and O’Brien are in the computer are appropriately absurd.  The introduction of Alpha and Gamma Quadrant Jem’Hadar is a neat idea, but unfortunately one that the show will never revisit.  As technobabble filled as this episode is, the acknowledgement that oxygen molecules would be 2000 times too big for them to breathe is neat, as is Dax’s solution of beaming a pocket of miniaturized atmosphere from the ship into the sealed computer space.  It does make me wonder why a fully stocked Runabout—miniaturized or not—doesn’t have spacesuits O’Brien and Bashir could wear.

Time to screw with O’Brien again in “Honor Among Thieves,” as his technical acumen has made him the best person to work a mission for Starfleet Intelligence. He’s to approach some low-level operatives in the Orion Syndicate, earn their trust, and find out about a mole the Syndicate has in Starfleet. While on this mission, O’Brien begins to genuinely like the mid-level boss, Bilby (and his cat), but is assured that Intel just wants him to go to jail, after they find the mole.  

That actually proves fairly easy, and O’Brien is ready to go home, when the next level boss introduces Miles’ gang to a Vorta, who is planning to have the Orion Syndicate pull a mission of some sort for the Dominion.  Intel extends O’Brien’s mission, and he finds Bilby is to assassinate the local Klingon ambassador and make it look like Gowron did it to sow discord in the Empire and have them pull away from the Federation again. O’Brien reports, and his handler tells him that they have warned the Klingons, which means Bilby will be killed rather than arrested. O’Brien tries to warn Bilby, but the criminal knows he is a dead man anyway because he vouched for O’Brien. Bilby goes to meet his fate, and O’Brien returns to DS9 with his cat, unsure of the moral outcome of this work.

Sure, it’s Star Trek’s “Donnie Brasco,” but it is also well done and performed well by everyone involved.  Anyone with a HUMINT background will feel for the Chief and the dreaded situation when a source is going to get burned. Interesting to note that the Starfleet intel agent is actually Michael Harney who plays Healy on “Orange is the New Black” with Kate Mulgrew from “Voyager.” I suppose my only real complaint here, it like the Alpha/Gamma Jem’Hadar in the last episode, we don’t see O’Brien’s new cat again as I recall.

“Change of Heart” also brings Starfleet intel into the fray as Worf and Dax, while planning their honeymoon, are sent to retrieve a message from an operative in the Cardassian government.  When they get the message, he tells them he knows how many Changelings are in the Alpha Quadrant, and where they are.  He won’t share though until he is extracted. 

 Worf and Dax agree to try, and are rather enjoying their mission together, crossing a jungle to meet the spy, until they are ambushed by Jem’Hadar. They prevail, but Dax is wounded, and thanks to the nature of Jem’Hadar weapons, she is infected with an anti-coagulant, and will likely bleed out. She tries to continue mission, but simply cannot. She tells Worf to go ahead and get the Cardassian, and she will wait for him to come back. Each knows she will not last the time it will take to get the spy, get back to this position, and then get back to the Runabout. Worf goes as duty demands, but can’t continue.

 He goes back and saves Dax, extracting her, and leaving the Cardassian to be killed when he tries to re-enter his base. Worf tells Sisko he knows he did not perform either his Klingon or Starfleet duty…but Dax was more important.  Sisko sympathizes, but reprimands Worf, effectively pulling him off the command track for his future career.

A very well told episode, and the writing/performances of the Dax and Worf marriage here are very strong. Their banter and romance are heartwarming and believeable, and heartbreaking when Worf has to make the decision to leave her to die. Yet he cannot, and a lesser show would have somehow had him save her AND the Cardassian agent. This show doesn’t give tidy endings however, and it’s a better tale for it. There is also a B-story about O’Brien and Bashir deciding to play Quark at Tongo, but Tongo psyches out the genetically “superior” Bashir by reminding him that he loved Jadzia and let her get away.  This becomes more relevant next season after…Oh god, I’m not ready.  It just matters later, OK?

In “Wrongs Darker than Death or Night,” Kira is preparing to celebrate what would have been her mother’s 60thbirthday when she mysteriously receives a call from Dukat who confesses that he had an affair with her mother years before. Kira doesn’t believe it, and uses the Orb of Time (previously recovered in “Trials and Tribbleations”) to go back 28 years in time to Dukat taking command of Terok Nor, and taking Kira Maru on as his “comfort woman.”

 Major Kira is appalled and joins the contemporaneous resistance, planning to put a bomb in Dukat’s quarters when she sees Maru get a message from Nerys’ father, who thanks her for what she’s doing, as they are receiving more food for the kids (including little totes adorbs Nerys) since Maru took to Dukat’s bed. Kira has a flash of conscience, pulling both Maru and Dukat out of the blast zone before the bomb explodes, but with the explosion, returning to her present in 2374. She is torn about what to think of her mother and debating whether it was collaboration or just protecting her family.

So, this is one of those exception to the rule episodes.  I find this one actively awful. First of all, it seems quite a stretch that form 2346 when the station was commissioned until 2369 when the Cardassian Occupation ended and the Federation moved in that Dukat was the ONLY prefect Terok Nor had.  And yes, they insinuate that Dukat was all about Bajoran babes, but he stayed with Maru SEVEN YEARS, and then there was Ziyal’s mom and then there was at least one other Bajoran mistress, all while somehow being the prefect of Bajor, commander of Terok Nor, and managing to have a wife and seven kids of his own on Cardassia.  In ‘The Maquis’ they told us he took command of the station in 2360, but he was apparently living there for 14 years as prefect first and …it just doesn’t make sense in the end, and as much as I wanted to see Dukat remain a foil for Kira rather than Sisko, making her mother his mistress seems particularly contrived. Indeed, now we know he saw Nerys in 2346 several times, yet he doesn’t seem phased when he will see her again on DS9 in “Necessary Evil” after he appoints Odo as chief of security, or when he repeatedly sees her when she takes over as First Officer of DS9.  At least when they almost bonded over Ziyal, you would think he might have mentioned there was a closer family relationship than she knew, either through her mother or the mysterious bomber woman. And as for Kira, sure, you hear something freaky about your mom so your first reaction, and actual plan, is to GO BACK IN TIME. Even using Bajoran methods, this sounds a little risky.  Indeed, she tries to kill Dukat! Surely, as pissed off as she might be, unraveling ALL OF ALPHA QUADRANT HISTORY is a little overreaction.   This timeline doesn’t work for me, this situation doesn’t work for me, and dammit, Kira Nerys deserves better. When Nana Visitor in a slinky dress can’t fix your episode, it is wayyyyyyy broken.

NEXT VOYAGE: There’s a traitor on Deep Space Nine and a Starfleet investigator is ready to make an “Inquisition.”

[yessoupy]

2016 fic retrospective

no one’s tagged me for this, but i need to do it because i got shit to write this year and i need a kick in the ass.

1. List of works published this year:

a man, a planet, a house, and a tree (technically december 2015); making space; mutant; on babies; memoria

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

a man, a planet, a house, and a tree. the first fan fiction i ever read was star wars. i’d been kinda sad that after seeing the force awakens i didn’t jive with the main ship (finn/poe aka stormpilot) so couldn’t really get into the sudden explosion of fic. the second time i saw the movie i saw the guy who took poe’s helmet from him and i decided that would be my ship -- after scouring the imdb page and posting a comment on the actor’s instagram page for confirmation, thus was born poe dameron/resistance soldier. i gave him a name, and a backstory, and gave them a story. what i’ve always loved about the star wars universe is how VAST it is, and how many stories can exist in it without even touching on what we see in the movies or even read in the books. i could write about these two forever!! ALSO i wrote the whole thing without defining a gender for BB-8, and none of the references were tortured. :)

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

on babies. i had this concept of harry as a pediatrician but the research involved would be wayyyyyyy too much, so i made him a nurse instead and rushed right through the entire thing to get it out. i’m least proud of it because it deserved more time than it got.

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

i’ll do one from each, since i finished so little, lol.

a man, a planet, a house, and a tree (in 2 short paragraphs i was able to build in huge pieces of marek’s backstory, if you’re more than a casual star wars fan):

“You understand why I do this, right?” Poe asks quietly, fingering the yellow piping on Marek’s pants. He’d tried once to pry out of Marek how he’d earned his Bloodstripe to no avail. He’d registered the mix of pain and pride in the soldier’s eyes and hadn’t tried again.

“I do,” Marek answers. “I just want you to come home to me every time you leave. And crashing squints into desert planets isn’t going to result in that outcome more than once.” Marek’s gaze flicks down to Poe’s chest. He traces the letters of his own surname beneath the crest of the Resistance. A N T I L L E S, with the second L halfway gone from wear. Poe closes his eyes at the soft touch and feels his deep exhaustion pulling at his consciousness.

making space 

“Okay. Fine.” He takes a deep breath. “When I was holding them, they were so warm and squirmy and ... god, it’s been years since I held a child that young. They’re so close to the womb, you know? They’ve spent longer inside of her than outside of her and ... I just wonder. What that would be like.”

“To be in the womb?” Bryan hopes this isn’t Jared’s surprise hidden kink, he’s not sure how he’s going to meet expectations on that one. Shower sex with the bathroom lights off and hot water? God, if he wants, like, a birth experience ... that could get messy. Also, the thought of that ... kind of gross. He could probably, like, tolerate it, but just barely. He won’t get hard, that’s for sure.

“No, to ... to have one. To have that capacity.” Jared locks eyes with him in the mirror. “Women are amazing.”

Bryan smiles down at him. “A touch jealous you lack the parts to bring life into the world with just a little assist?”

He bites his lip. “Maybe ... maybe a little.”

mutant

“Who’s a mutant?” Ryan asks, dragging his eyes away from Jason Lezak.

Michael waves at the dark-haired boy pulling himself out of the pool. “Cseh.”

Ryan scoffs and reaches for his hotel towel and briefs. “That’s not Cseh. Cseh is bald.”

Michael hasn’t known Ryan long, just through the training trip, and so he is still being surprised by Ryan’s idiosyncrasies. Or idiocy, he’s not sure yet. “Cseh shaves his head.”

Halfway through his deckchange, Ryan stops and cocks his head to the side. “Oh, well that makes more sense.”

on babies

Harry is just easing the crying newborn onto her mother’s chest when the paramedics board the bus. One of them accidentally kicks his phone, Louis still on the line, and the teen picks it up, takes over handling the call while Harry updates the paramedics on Sarah’s status. Sarah cries and refuses to let go of his hand as they load her onto a stretcher and they busy themselves with checking the vitals of the new baby.

The elderly woman -- Mary, she’d told Sarah to call her, Mary -- reaches up and dabs at his cheeks with her handkerchief. He hadn’t realized he was crying.

memoria

First things first, he’s debriefed. He’s clinical in his description because he has to be. When he recounts his interrogation, he describes what happened and that’s it.

“He raised his hand and I felt a pressure inside of my skull.”

He was pushing around in there, rooting through my memories.

“I knew he wanted the location of the map, so I thought about everything else. It was hard to hold onto the mundane ideas -- I started with a TIE fighter’s schematics -- so I moved to more personal thoughts.”

Marek Marek Marek my love your hands steady oil-stained Marek my soldier

“That worked for awhile, I think he was getting frustrated, but eventually ... I’m sorry. I ran out of energy.”

General Organa shushes him and squeezes his arm. “It’s alright. You did as well as you could.” He can see the pain in her eyes. “Commander, is there anything else about his interrogation technique that might be helpful in understanding his capabilities?”

General Organa never says his name. Either of them. Poe sighs. “I don’t know. I think ... I think he took something from me. But I don’t know what it is.” He blinks, a sick feeling settling into his stomach. “I guess I never will.”

General Organa nods at her assistant, who stops recording.

5. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

I know you probably think this is so old by now, but I love this concept so much and I've read this at least 6 times now! Just like.... please write more

This review encouraged me to write another poe/marek piece i had kicking around, so that piece (memoria) was dedicated to this person i don’t know!

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

felt like ALL the time it was ... one time i sat down to write and cleaned the entire kitchen!

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

i really love marek. he’s essentially an omc so it’s probably no surprise that he is my favorite, but outside of my novel i haven’t attempted a fully-developed OC. i’m pissed at myself for making his bloodstripe a mystery to poe -- it’s fucking up some other stuff i’m trying to write. i might go in and change that actually ....

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

I think I’ve done a better job taking an idea from inception to fruition? and also, writing the shit i wanted to read. 

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

I’d like to write and post more. In 2015 I posted a lot of stuff I really liked but knew I’d never finish (basically same thing as with Mutant). I need to finish some shit.

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

Oh, I chatted with @missboomissquick about just about everything I wrote this year. She’s always encouraging!

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

last semester i had to teach psychology. i finished memoria after i taught the unit on memory!!

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Even if you think it’s absolute shit, write it. If you finish it, publish it. You won’t get any better if you don’t practice. that’s not new wisdom, but eh.

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

I have a Poe/Marek I was plotting that would take place after TFA, going to Corellia to pick up some more ships (because the Resistance is woefully under-shipped????). It’s so much fucking research to write in the new canon, so I decided that I could write Poe/Marek as an AU in the old EU, since I’ve read all that shit and wouldn’t have to research as much. But idk what the plot would be in that one. :/ For most of 2016 I set aside my original novel (it’s political in nature and shit with the Trump nomination and election just fucked with my head so I had to let those guys take a seat for awhile). I need to pick it back up and make some decisions about it -- i have 4 different routes for it. At least. I also have a Larry faux mpreg I really want to write, but I have to change the premise again. 

14. Tag three (or as many) writers whose answers you’d love to read:

meh, do it if you want! i’m not gonna pressure anyone.