#going before but now i'm going to have to listen to the same 13 christmas songs on loop 😷 it is all doable ofc but the wage worker

[poptartmochi]

online store era...2!

[gummydummy19]

Hi Gummy!<3

You shared that awful experience and I imagine...

Captain Sy and his insubordinate younger brother. His brother (let's say, Jim?) flirted with you in a pub. You don't really spark and he seemed a bit too slick for your liking, but Jim is persistent and (gradually annoying). It was not long before Captain Sy came barging in and took his younger brother home (and surprise surprise, Jim isn't reaching his drinking age yet XD), which is how you met. Maybe you met him again a few days later in the same pub, maybe you worked on a project that involves the military (hence Sy)

And somehow one of the worst encounters you have had in your life turns out to be the one in which you met the love of your life :3

Just a lil thot :3

JDHDKHCB JAM WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE THE BEST IDEAS I absolutely freaking love this oml

How I met your mother

Content Warnings: fluff, swearing, unwanted flirting (from Sy's brother)

Word Count: 1.9k+

A/N: Since we're in the middle of the holidays, I decided to give this a little holiday twist :)) Imagine this as a throwback to how you met your hunky husband Sy... In the throwback Jim is 19, Sy is 27, and the reader is 23. In the present Sy is 42, reader is 38, Jim is 34.

Alright? All clear? Everyone good? Let's get this party started then

The entire family was gathered around your beautifully decorated dining table. It was well past midnight, and everyone was stuffed full of delicious food and the expensive wine you saved for special occasions. Sy had his hand resting on your thigh as you both listened to his dad share stories of when he was in the Navy.

"Fuck!" you heard your 13-year-old son yell from the couch behind you, waking up your 9-year-old daughter who was dozing off on her dad's lap.

"Jacob!" you snapped your head back at him, but the boy just rolled his eyes at you.

He was playing some new zombie-murder-call thievery videogame he had gotten for Christmas, courtesy of his uncle Jim.

"Don't you roll your eyes at your mother", Sy stepped in, "and watch your mouth, or that game is going on the shelf till summer."

"But dad!" he whined

"No buts!"

Now it was your turn to put your hand on your husband's thigh, giving him a sweet look to let him know you'd handle it.

"Jake, why don't you come sit with us for a little bit, hmm? Haven't you played long enough?"

"Oh come on, let the kid have some fun", Jim chimed in, earning an angry glare from his brother Sy.

"Yeah and who better to teach him that than his uncle Jim, right?" Sy spat.

"What's that supposed to mean?", Jim shot back.

"You know damn well what that means."

"Dad?" your little girl tugged on Sy's shirt.

"Yes, princess?"

"Don't you think Uncle Jim is fun?"

"Of course I do, Maya, it's just that Uncle Jim used to give us a whole lot of trouble, just like your brother gives us right now."

"Hey!" Jim and Jacob groan simultaneously.

"Oh, I think Jim caused quite some more trouble than our Jakey", you defended your son, who had finally sat down next to you at the table. You gave him a loving ruffle through his brown curls, remembering what Sy's hair used to look like before he started buzzing it off.

"Yeah well, give him a couple years", Jim joked.

"What kinda trouble did Uncle Jim get into?", your little girl chimed in again.

The three of you exchanged some looks before you finally spoke up. "Oh, I can think of a few things, but my favorite one is the story of how your father and I met", you smiled.

"Oh god", Jim groaned, "Can't you just tell them about the pranks I pulled in college or something?"

"No no", Sy chuckled, "I quite like this particular story".

"I love storytime!" your daughter yelled out excitedly.

"I'm kinda intrigued now too," Jake agreed, grinning at his uncle.

Sy's mother gave her husband a look as she sipped from her herb tea and you knew she loved this story too.

"It was 15 years ago", you started, "Me and my friends had just graduated college that summer. By wintertime, a couple of us had started working, or even gotten married, so we decided to catch up right before the holidays"

Flashback

"I can't believe it's almost been six whole months since we've all gotten together" your friend Sarah chided before taking a sip of her cosmo. “I know, I’ve missed you guys like crazy!” You said honestly. The five of you sat there and talked for what felt like hours, sipping on cosmo’s and sharing the juiciest stories from work or dating drama. It was like no time had passed at all.

“Alright girls, I’m gonna go get another refill anyone else need anything?”, you asked as you got up to walk towards the bar. The drinks were definitely starting to get to your head, but you didn’t care in the slightest. This was the most fun you’d had in weeks.

With a fuzzy head, you made your way over to the bar, still giggling at a joke your friend made 10 minutes ago. Leaning against the polished wood, you managed to catch the bartender's attention. "Um, two... wait, no, three more of these," you mumbled in your slightly tipsy state as you shoved your empty glass toward him.

You were patiently waiting for your drinks when a young, arrogant-looking guy slid up next to you, "Hey there! What are we drinking tonight?" he asked and you rolled your eyes.

"Just a couple drinks with my friends" you replied curtly, avoiding eye contact with him.

"Just you and your girls, huh? No boyfriend?"

"Nope."

"Are you looking for one?"

"Nope."

"Hmm I see, more a hit and run kinda gal, huh?" he smirked.

Damn, this guy was annoying.

"Look pal, I'm trying to have a good time with my girls, alright?" You finally turned to look at him. He sure wasn't ugly, but not your type. Besides, he looked a little on the young side you thought and you started to wonder if he should even be in here.

"That's alright baby, I'm all for good times", he stated with a proud grin, making you roll your eyes again.

The bartender slid over your drinks and grabbed them quickly "I'm not your 'baby', now if you will excuse me", you pushed passed him but his hand gently grabbed onto your waist.

"Oh come on, don't be like that...", if your hands hadn't been full you would have smacked him in the face for sure. You looked down at his hands on you and then straight into his eyes.

"You have about two seconds to get your hands off me before you get covered in Cosmo's and my knee introduces itself to your crotch."

"I just-" he started and you got ready to throw your 30 dollars worth of cocktails in his face.

"JIM!", a loud roar sounded through the bar, grabbing everyone's attention, including yours and the guy holding onto you.

He quickly dropped his hands and took a step back from you as the man who just entered stalked towards him. The entire movement made you drop your drinks, but you were too startled to care.

"L-logan....the hell are you doing here, man?", the boy stuttered and his whole demeanor changed in a split second.

"Me? What the fuck do you think you're doing here?!", you let your eyes roam over his body as he yelled out. He was clearly older than you. And definitely older than the arrogant guy. It was obvious that they knew each other. You wondered how. They seemed like two very different guys. The older one had a casual confidence whereas the younger one had made up arrogance.

You stayed frozen in place as you watched them yell at each other. The more you looked at their faces the more you started to notice similarities. The older one was bigger, with quite a bit more muscle to him, but they had the same strong jaw and nose, and their eyes were the same gorgeous shade of blue. Could they be...

"Miss, I'm really sorry for my brother."

"I uhm,...okay, that's okay", you mumbled.

The man gave you a friendly look before sticking his hand out.

"I'm Logan Syverson, but everyone calls me Sy. And that's my little brother Jimmy. I'm really sorry if he gave you any trouble, he's been acting out a bit lately."

You shook his hand without breaking eye contact. The second your skin made contact with his you felt your stomach drop...weird.

"Hey, I'm not a fucking kid!" Jim yelled out, earning an angry glare from Sy.

"Then maybe you should stop acting like one, Jimmy. You really think I wouldn't notice you taking my fucking bike? Huh?", Sy yelled, "You're taking the truck back home. Gimme my fucking keys back."

Reluctantly, Jim gave Sy the keys to his bike and Sy gave him the car keys in return.

"You didn't drink, did you?" Sy asked with a raised brow.

"No, Logan, I fucking didn't. Okay?!" he snapped before turning around and storming out. While you heard the car door slamming closed and the engine starting outside, Sy turned back to you.

"I'm really sorry about all that..." he scratched through his brown curls before his eye fell on the puddle of Cosmo's on the floor, "Oh christ, uh, here, please let me buy you a new round," he said, already pulling out his wallet.

"Oh no, no it's okay really, you don't have to", you assured him.

"No, I insist. I promise I won't stick around to bother you or anything, but just let me pay for them, please?"

Now how could you say no to that?

"Alright then, if you insist", you gave him a sweet smile.

The two of you walked to the bar and as you waited for your order, you couldn't help but give him a once-over. He was wearing a dark pair of jeans and a black shirt with some old writing on it. He was much taller than you, and big...very big. With a mind that was still half tipsy, you couldn't help the words that left your mouth next.

"You know...", you started, getting his attention, "I wouldn't mind if you did stick around for a bit...to bother me."

You swore Sy's eyes twinkled for a second as you looked up at him. Of course, he found you attractive. You were probably the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on. Scratch that. Not probably, definitely.

But still, the gentleman in him wanted to politely refuse, given your clouded state and what his brother made you endure already, but then your hand touched his arm and your eyes found his. "Please? I insist", you pleaded, and Sy caved. "Alright then, if you insist...", he was only a man after all, and he could only take so much.

Meanwhile, at the girl's table, everyone was far too drunk and caught up in whatever story they were telling to have noticed what just went down. But all the giggling came to a quick stop when a tall handsome man towered over them with four cosmopolitans in his hand.

"Ladies, this is Sy", you introduced him, holding three more drinks, "My savior of the night, and the buyer of our next round."

End flashback

"Aww, dad was her hero!", Maya yelled out.

"He still is", you smiled, leaning into Sy and pressing a kiss on his shoulder.

"Hold on. So, you tried to hit on mom?", Jake turned to his uncle, "That's gross, dude."

"Alright, okay, I remember that story a little differently", Jim spoke up, looking even grumpier than before.

"He was just a teenager", you defended your brother-in-law.

"I was almost twenty", Jim stated.

"Yeah, that doesn't exactly help your case, bud", Sy spoke up, wrapping his arm around you as you tried to stifle a giggle.

"So what happened after that?", Maya asked curiously.

"Well, your dad was too nervous to ask for my number, so I asked for his."

"Hey! I was just trying to be a gentleman", Sy defended argued, giving your shoulder a squeeze.

"Sure thing, hun", you grinned, "The week after we met up again in that same bar, and the rest is history."

"Is that bar still there?", Jacob asked.

"Actually, they turned it into a restaurant, but it's still called Mickey's."

"Hey, isn't that where...", your son started

"Where your dad proposed to me, yeah." you smiled fondly. "and we still go there every year on our anniversary..."

The end

Taglist;

@metalbuckaroo @princessayveke @montsepliego @scxrletrecsmarvel @hopelesslyrogers @eclecticpatrolroadlawyer @tfandtws @vicmc624 @ahahafudge @enchantedbarnes @wickedravyn @pono-pura-vida @amayaraestyles @matchat3a @fictional-hooman @sebastianexplicit @peaches1958 @avengersfan25 @jamneuromain @tryingtoliveonmywishes @mrsevans90 @daybreak96 @tiredqueen73 @fallingforunrealisticromance @identity2212 @randomweirdoss @ragamuffin285 @juliaorpll78 @geralts-yenn @imjusthereforliam @bangtanstoeart @squeezyvalkyrie @enchantedbytomandhenry @superduckmilkshake @kingliam2019 @bascmve01 @missgaygurl @foxyjwls007 @mollymal @urmomsgirlfriend1 @luxeydior

[admiringlove]

[18:13] . . .

"you are quite literally the most infuriating person i have ever met," you say, placing your chin on your palm with your elbow resting on the table. the man in front of you shrugs cockily, "what can i say? i have that effect on people."

you scoff, taking a sip from your coffee, "why'd you call me here, atsumu? and before you say something dumb, you've wasted six hours of my day running around town, asking me for fashion advice when i know for a fact that you already have an outfit for that stupid event."

"that event is for charity, how dare ya call it stupid?" he feigns offense, "do ya not like charity?"

you narrow your eyes before brushing a few fingers through your hair, "i have more important places to be, you know. for example, at home. spending my one off-day from work in peace. with pizza and sweatpants that are way too big for me."

"are ya not at peace when yer with me?" he wiggles his eyebrows. you groan, "no, atsumu! i'm not! you showed up at my place out of nowhere without texting me and dragged me to a mall and then to some showroom and now here."

and when you look at him, he seems pleased with himself. his eyes are crinkled because of his weird smirk—or is it a smile? you can't really tell. you can't believe it. this man wasted half of your day and is happy because of your misery. you almost want to throw your coffee in his face.

"i had somethin' important to tell ya," he says, looking for something from the bags his clothes are in—the clothes he shopped for even though he already has two whole closets in his apartment filled with stuff he doesn't need or wear on a regular basis.

"i'm listening," you place your cup on the saucer after the last sip, crossing your arms on the table as you lean in slightly. eyebrows raised, eyes curious and lips tightly parted, "go on, 'tsumu."

a sigh is what comes out of his mouth at first. and then he pulls out a small picture frame—you don't even have to think to recognize it. it's from the day the two of you became "best friends". the day he lost a match in second year of high school and came home to find you in his kitchen with his mother, making something to make him and his twin happy. in the picture, you're smothering cake onto atsumu's face as osamu laughs in the background, holding atsumu's arms back so he doesn't get you back.

"ya like it?" he asks, voice suddenly soft.

"i love it," you smile, "what's the occasion?"

"ah well," he shrugs, "thought i'd do somethin' nice for ya for once."

"you never think that," you narrow your eyes, "not by your own volition. what did you do?"

"i didn't do anything!" he says, defensively, "why would you think i did something?"

"this is the nicest thing you've given me in years," you accuse him, "your last christmas present to me was a gift card with no money in it!"

"okay," he laughs, "you gotta admit, that was hilarious."

"no, 'tsumu, it was embarrassing," you roll your eyes, "what are you trying to get at here? did you make osamu angry again? or is it your mom this time?"

"i like you," he says. eyes deadly silent and lips tightly shut in a straight line, "okay? that's what i did this time."

you become silent for a few seconds. then, you muster out, "oh."

he watches you for a moment, "oh? really?"

you don't know what to say. this point in time feels like it has paused. and slowly, it's falling in on itself. you feel a surge of emotions that you can't describe. when you were a kid, you'd watched atsumu fall over and break his first tooth. you had looked at him in awe as he stood up again, dusted himself off and said "woah! i broke my tooth!" as if he wasn't in pain at all. as if his knees weren't scraped and bleeding. that was most of your relationship with atsumu. you, watching him in awe as if he were the moon and the stars and the entire universe wrapped up in one person with every imperfection making him more flawless.

"yeah," you shrug. but your heart beats all the same as it has all these years. thump. thump. thump. thump. as if it didn't know anything other than this. only atsumu. atsumu only.

"oh come on," he whines, "i literally just confessed ta ya."

you almost want to laugh. it feels so weird, having the person whom you thought never saw you in that light actually reciprocating your feelings. surreal was how you'd describe it, really.

"i don't know what to say," you mumble, looking at your lap, "this is shocking for me, you know."

"oh," he looks taken aback as if he didn't just fulfill one of your biggest desires, "um, do ya need some time to process it or somethin'? i don't mind."

his eyes look the most sincere thety have ever been. brown like coffee that has just been brewed. lips as pink as the clouds at dusk, the same shade ever-so-slightly dusting his cheeks.

"no, 'tsumu. it's just funny," you smile, looking away. suddenly, you feel shy instead of nervous. it's one thing to have the love of your life confess to you. it's another to tell them you love them too when you know you have a positive outcome waiting for you with open arms.

"how's it funny?" he looks confused now. but you find that adorable all the same.

"it's funny because," you pause, meeting his gaze, "i like you too."

© all works belong to admiringlove on tumblr. plagiarism is strictly prohibited.

[sweetsweetjellybean]

In The Cold November Rain Part 13 *18+ MDNI*

Eddie Munson/FemReader Steve Harrington/FemReader

TW: Story runs congruent to events in the show. If you know what happens in season 4, then you'll know how this will end.*Be warned.* 18+ Eventually Smut, Angst, High School Fuckery, Drinking, Drugs Let me know if I miss any. 

Can you have two great loves in a lifetime? 

A story about the pain of growing up, unrequited love, and loss. 

Dedicated to Eddie Munson & all those that love him.

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Sincerest & Eternal Thanks To @loveshotzz & to all of you that have read, commented, sent asks, & rebloged. Thank you for taking this journey with me.

Part 13/13 Series Masterlist Fic Menu

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Steve comes back quicker than you expected, or maybe he was gone an hour; you wouldn't know the difference. Taking you by the hand, he leads you to the passenger side of his car. He helps you inside and buckles your seatbelt for you.

"I don't want you to get in trouble at work," you say.

"It's no trouble. Robin knew Eddie. She understands."

Steve drives along the familiar route in silence, glancing at you, making sure you're not breaking again. At first, it's a blur, colors bleeding together, but slowly things sharpen into focus. His face is full of concern, but there is something else you almost missed in your grief, his sadness. He shuts off the engine, and you both sit, listening to the engine tick as it cools. 

"Where are your parents?" He's looking at the dark windows and empty driveway. Being alone felt like such a great idea only an hour ago. Now the prospect was overwhelming.

"They're at the lake. I'm just here for the weekend to relax."

"I guess that's not happening any time soon. Do you want me to come in with you?"

Relieved, you gratefully accept his offer. Once inside, you make a beeline for the liquor cabinet, pulling out a bottle of Jose Cuervo. Steve follows you into the living room and plops down on the couch. 

"Isn't it funny how everything seems smaller now?" He asks, looking around. "It looks exactly the same as the last time I was here. It must have been around three years ago since then."

"Has it been that long?" Taking a glass from the stack your parents keep in the cabinet, you twist off the cap and pour yourself a double.

"Are you sure that's a good idea right now?" Raising a defiant eyebrow, you tip your head and knock it back. The alcohol burns your throat on its way down. It's been a while since you had a drink. 

"I think it's an excellent idea." 

"Well, bring me one then. I'm not going to let you drink alone." After retrieving another glass, you bring everything to the coffee table in front of the couch. The light from the afternoon sun bounces off the glasses, leaving little rainbows on the wall covered with framed photographs. Some of them are of the boy sitting next to you. The brown liquid glugs from the bottle as you fill the glasses with a generous pour. Sliding his drink across the polished wood of the table, you wait for him to join you in raising your glass before you both drink it down. He coughs a little. Looks like you're not the only one out of practice. When you reach for the bottle, he pushes it away from you. "Let's pace ourselves."

The tequila is starting to do its job, taking the edge off. Sighing, you sink back against the couch cushions and wait for Steve to say something. It doesn't take long. 

"Do you remember the Christmas we tried to stay up late to catch Santa?"

"I don't remember that at all."

"That's probably because you kept falling asleep. We made this grand plan to sneak out here after everyone was asleep. We sat next to the tree, and you couldn't keep your eyes open. I kept shaking you, but eventually, I just gave up. I sat there watching you sleep with the tree lights twinkling. Then it got close to morning, and I was scared we would get in trouble. I tried to carry you to your room, but I wasn't strong enough, and I kept smacking your head into the wall."

"Well, maybe that's why I can't remember. You gave me a concussion." You laugh.

"That sounds about right." He rolls the glass between his hands. "Where were you during the earthquake? Why didn't you know?"

"I got the chance to study abroad. I left in February, and I was gone all summer. My parents called, but they were fine and said not to worry."

"I should have called you and told you about Eddie. It was such a mess here I didn't even think about it. I didn't realize you two were so serious."

"We weren't. I mean..it was…I don't know. It's complicated."

He nods, understanding. "Trust me, I know, complicated. It's kind of my thing now. Steve Harrington. It's complicated." He uses a newscaster voice and gestures in the air before pouring himself another shot and drinking it down.

"You have changed, Steve. Thank you for staying with me. I want you to know it means a lot to me. I'm glad you're here."

"Me too," he replies, patting your knee. "You two weren't still together, were you? You and Eddie."

"No. Not for a while. It ended when I left for school. He was really good to me." Your knee bounces, and you swallow, trying not to cry again. 

"I'm sure. He was different than I thought. He was pretty tough on himself, but he paid attention, you know, to what everybody was feeling. I think maybe he felt things a little more than the rest of us."

"You did know him. I thought maybe you said hi to each other when he came in to rent a movie." 

"I didn't know him very long. Just long enough to know he was a good person. Listen, whatever you hear in town, don't believe any of it. It's all bullshit, just like in high school. They don't know what happened."

"And you do?" 

"Yeah, I do. He saved a lot of people. Including me. Do you understand?"

"I don't. I don't understand any of it. An earthquake? That doesn't make any sense. There has to be more to it."

"There always is, Peach." His hand covers the top of yours, his thumb moving back and forth on the underside of your wrist. He hadn't called you that since middle school. It started when you were nine, carrying around a worn copy of James and the Giant Peach to all his games. He said it to tease you, but you ended up looking at your feet, blushing like crazy.

A lone tear balancing on the edge of your lid falls, running over the apple of your cheek. A deluge follows. "I have so many regrets. They are stacked up like this heavy weight. I'm not sure if I can carry it, Steve." His big soft hand slides along your shoulders, pulling you to him until your head rests over his heart. With your arms around him, you cry out your truth. "I was so selfish. I waited until it was too late. The last thing I said to him…I was so cruel. And now I can't tell him that I'm sorry or that I loved him. I had so much left to say."

"It's okay. It's okay." He whispers with his lips pressed to the top of your head. "He knows. He wouldn't hold anything against you. In fact, I'm pretty sure the guy thought you shit out lucky charms." A little laugh sneaks through your tears." He was always staring at you. I thought he was such a creep. It used to piss me off. I wanted to punch him, but I knew I would have had to deal with you, so I didn't. Remember that asshole from the hockey team that was sniffing around you senior year? What is his name?"

"Matt?" It has been so long that you've forgotten how good Steve is at holding you together. It makes you feel like you did when you were little, like he could save you from anything. 

"That's right, Matt dickhead Crestwood. I never would have let you go out with that guy. He used to run his mouth in the locker room about every girl in school. I was about to say something to him, but someone keyed his car and slashed his tires. I'm pretty sure it was Eddie."

"What? No way. I don't remember that."

"It's been pointed out to me that we were all in our own little world. Not really paying attention to what wasn't right in front of our faces."

"Who are you? Yoda? Next, you're going to tell me you can move things with your mind." You sit up and pour more shots. He has a strange look on his face, but he shakes it off and laughs, taking the glass from you. 

"Nope. That's someone else, actually." He raises his glass and waits for yours to clink against it. "This is what happens when you grow up." He uses your words from earlier. You drink, and you talk. The tequila bottle gets a little more empty. The room gets darker, and you have to turn on the lights. "What was your plan this evening before everything?" He asks. "Nothing special. Popcorn and Molly Ringwald."

"She's kinda hot." He says with a lopsided smile. There's your Steve. "We should probably eat something before that tequila burns a hole in our stomachs. Do you want me to make you something?"

"I don't know. Are you going to burn the house down?"

"Hey, I can cook. How else do you think I got fed? My mom?" He scoffs.

"True. They kind of quit on you, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess you could say that. I don't want to talk about them. Come on." You follow him to the kitchen to sit on the counter and watch him make you the perfect grilled cheese sandwich. 

"This is really good," you say with your mouth full.

"I'm a man of many talents. Kind of like James Bond but with better hair."

"And just as humble."

He washes the dishes and sets them on the drying rack when you're finished. You ask him to spend the night, and he agrees without hesitation. He pauses in the doorway of your room. "You still have a Strawberry Shortcake bedspread." He throws himself down on your twin bed so hard he bounces. 

"The sheets too. My Monchichi is still in the closet. Do you want me to get it?" Clicking on the little light next to your bed casts a soft glow around the room. 

"Gross. You know I hate that thing." He stretches out, taking up all the space on your little bed. "This was much bigger the last time we shared it." 

Images of two small kids curled on their sides, sleeping back to back, fills your mind. Sleepovers happened less often once you hit middle school and the last time was freshman year, the first time he got dumped. His parents weren't visiting that night. He just climbed through your window and got in bed with you. You were already in love with him at that point. He fell asleep quickly, and you stayed awake the whole night. Your body vibrating next to him, praying he would touch you. Of course, he hadn't, and it was another crack in your tender heart. Thinking about him coming through that window and kissing you stupid was once your favorite fantasy.

"I think we've gotten bigger. Do you want to sleep on the couch?"

"Nah, we'll manage." He stands up, toeing off his shoes before pulling his shirt over his head. 

"Steve, what happened to you?" The light catches the newly healed scars on his abdomen. Moving closer, you run your fingers over the shiny pink skin. The texture is bumpy and uneven with jagged edges. His muscles jump at your touch. "Are those bite marks?" Trying to avoid the question, he turns his back to you only to startle and turn back toward you quickly. "Let me see your back."

Reluctantly, he turns to let you examine him. These scars aren't as deep. He looks like he was dragged behind a truck. You gently place your hand on him, wishing it would be enough to take them away. "This is scaring me. Tell me what's going on, please. That's not from an earthquake." Your voice comes out shaky. He turns back and catches your hand in his, his expression full of pain. Standing this close to him, you can see more faint scarring circling his neck. He shakes his head from side to side and looks down.

 "I can't tell you anything. Let's just say my life hasn't exactly turned out the way I hoped."

"Steve-"

"Don't! There is no way in hell I'm dragging you into this. I can't put you in danger. Please, trust me, I'm doing what's best for you right now."

"What danger?" 

He won't say anything more. He moves to the bed and turns down the covers. Alarm bells are going off in your head, and you don't have the first clue how to help him. Leaving him, you go to the bathroom to brush your teeth and change into your PJs, which consist of an oversized Garfield shirt that reads Give Me Lasagna Or Give Me Death. While washing your face, you examine your reflection in the mirror; you look older than you did that morning. When you return, Steve's in his boxers, lying on his side of the bed, which is the outside, so you have to crawl in from the foot. 

"Nice shirt." He teases, pulling back the covers for you. 

"Next time, I'll wear my nightie."

"Don't do me any favors." Both of you lay on your sides facing each other. His eyes are closing. "Steve, do those scars have anything to do with Eddie?" He nods his head. "Were you with him when he…." you trail off, but he knows what you're asking. 

"No. He was already gone when…I couldn't help him." You shake your head, trying not to get emotional again. "Was there a funeral? Is there somewhere I can visit him?" He shakes his head no. You think you've cried out every tear in your body, but somehow there are still more. 

"How am I supposed to get past this?" You ask, trying to wipe away the wetness on your face. 

"You won't, but you'll live anyway."

"What if I don't want to?"

"Don't say things like that. I can't worry about you that way." He grabs your hand and holds it between you.

"I'm sorry. You're right. I don't mean it. I'm just really sad."

"I know you are, Peach." He kisses your forehead, and your eyes close as his lips linger, comforting you.

"Have you ever known anybody that died? Besides Eddie. 

"Yeah." He rolls to his back and looks at the dark ceiling while he ticks names off his fingers. "My grandparents. My uncle Dave. Barb Holland."

"I thought she ran away."

"No." He sighs and scrubs his face. "Billy Hargrove."

"He died? He asked me out once."

"He did? Did you go?" You raise an eyebrow. "Yeah, I guess he wasn't your type. He died right in front of me."

"What? When?" Concerned, you prop yourself on your elbow to look at his face. 

"Heather Holloway, Jason Carver, Patrick Mckinney, Chrissy Cunningham, Fred Benson. I know I'm forgetting a few." The moonlight filtering in through your curtains is enough to see that his eyes are shiny, and he's taking deep breaths, trying to calm himself. 

"I'm so sorry. I didn't know." Feeling helpless, you watch his chest rise and fall quickly. "What the hell is happening here?" He just shakes his head, refusing to answer. "Are you okay?" You ask, stroking the hair at his temples, trying to soothe him.

"I'm so fucking far from okay, and I can't tell anybody because people depend on me. I just have to push through it. But now that I've told you, maybe I'll start feeling better."

"You can always talk to me. I want to be here for you." Snuggling down against the pillow, you tuck one of your hands under your head, and the other runs through his hair until his breathing returns to normal.

It's quiet. The familiar noises of the house feel unsettling tonight. As it often does, your life has been changing without you knowing. It has been building like a wave crashing against you all at once. Now you're trying to keep your footing until the tide goes out again. Unanswered questions plague your thoughts, keeping you from sleep. He has the answers, but your conscience won't let you push him. Counting your breaths, you try to stop the memories that cycle through your tired mind. The tree branches outside rustle in the wind as the first pings of rain hit your window. Steve breathes out a soft sigh and shifts slightly beside you. A smile tugs at your lips. Watching him trying to keep his eyes squeezed shut, he shares the same restless battle. Delicately, you place your hand on his stomach, smoothing it upward until your fingertips move through the hair covering his chest. His eyes pop open, 

"Steve?"

"Uh-huh."

"When did you get so hairy?" His lips turn up into an affectionate smile. You start giggling, and he can't help laughing with you. He turns back over to his side to face you. "Probably around the same time you got boobies." He pokes his finger into your breast. "Hey!" Rubbing the tender spot he just poked, you pinch one of his nipples in retaliation, "Oww. You want to play the pinching game?" He reaches around you and pinches as much of your ass as he can gather with his fingers. You howl in pain. "Okay, Okay, you win." 

"I always win." He reminds you. "You didn't have to do it so hard," you complain. 

"That's how I win. Let me rub it for you." His hand kneads your ass. Something is waking up, something between you that you thought you'd lost. 

"Stop. What's wrong with you?" You push his arm away from your butt. It doesn't go far, landing on your hip. "Are you drunk?" 

"No. Are you?" He squeezes your hip.

"No." You slide one of your smooth legs between his liking the way his bristly hair lightly scratches you. "You kissed me once when you were drunk." 

"No, I didn't. I would remember that." The hand on your hip pulls you a little closer.

"You did. It was after one of your parties sophomore year. I stayed to help you clean up, and you kissed the hell out of me. It was my first kiss you didn't remember the next day."

"Fuck, you're kidding me. I'm such an asshole. I'm so sorry."

"I'm not. I didn't tell you to make you feel bad."

"Are you sure you don't hate me?" He asks, looking into your eyes.

"I was upset at the time, but I'm glad it was with you. I was so in love with you back then. God, I thought I was going to pass out. It feels good to finally say it."

"I knew. I just didn't know what to do with it. I wasn't ready for someone to love me like that." He pulls you that last little bit closer to him, so you're flush against his body. His hand smoothes from your hip to the small of your back, where he rubs little circles on your spine.

"How do you know how I loved you?" The question comes out in a soft whisper.

"I know you." Those dark hazel eyes stare into yours. 

"Are you sure about that? I don't think I knew myself that well back then."

"I know you like cinnamon better than marshmallows in your hot chocolate. You'd rather have sunflowers than roses. You don't mind when it rains, especially when you're already feeling sad. You hate mustard on your sandwiches. You only sing if you think no one's listening. And I know why you keep those Weebles that are on that shelf over there."

"Oh yeah, and why is that?" You ask, looking down and hiding your smile against his chest.

"Well, your mom made you give Mrs. Johnson some of your old toys when she had the twins. You weren't ready to let them go, and you cried and cried. You were too old for all that stuff, and I told you to quit being a brat. You stopped crying right away. I hurt your feelings, and you were so mad you weren't going to let me see one more tear fall. You stuck your chin in the air and ignored me all afternoon. I felt so bad about it. I just wanted you to play with me again. So I snuck over to the Johnsons and stole back the princess and the knight because I knew they were your favorite. You keep those Weebles because I gave them to you."

"You know you're awfully full of yourself. Maybe I just really like Weebles." He tips your chin up to look at your face. "I was so dumb. I was always hurting your feelings. I should have been more careful once I realized how you felt." He kisses the corner of your mouth.

"It's not your fault. You didn't feel the same way, and I couldn't let it go. I was kind of pathetic back then."

"Nah, you weren't pathetic. You were cute. But Jackie had those really big boobs." You try to pull away from him. "Way to ruin it." Both of your hands push against his chest, trying to squirm out of his grasp, but he easily holds you in place. "They were huge. They would hypnotize me when she walked." 

"You're lucky you didn't need penicillin afterward."

"You're right about that," he says, laughing. "Maybe we should try it again? Like a do-over?"

"Try what again?"

"Your first kiss."

"Now I know you're drunk," you say, narrowing your eyes at him. "You want to kiss me?"

"I want to kiss you." He's looking at your mouth, and it's making you lightheaded. You can't wrap your head around it. "Why?"

"You're warm, and we're in bed together. You're half-naked. It's making me hard." You roll your eyes and scoff. "But mostly because I've missed you for a really long time, and you feel like home, when it was safe before there were any monsters in the world. And I need you right now, and I think you want me to touch you."

His mouth is just inches from yours. He angles his head and parts his lips, but he doesn't move forward, wanting you to make the decision. Inhaling a short breath, your lips unseal, floating just below his. And you can see it in his eyes, something that wasn't there before. Tilting your head, you close the gap. He hums into your mouth, kissing you over and over. His long fingers move softly over your jaw, the side of your face caressing you, holding you. They ghost over your lips before he brings his mouth back to yours. His tongue dips in, brushing against you softly. He quietly moans, savoring the taste. 

You finally get what you always wanted, but it isn't erasing the ache. Eddie's sad brown eyes fill your mind as guilt spreads through you. Regrets are stacking up in a tippy pile. 

 "Stay with me." 

Somehow, Steve knows you aren't thinking of him. He waits for your eyes to flutter open and connect with his. He deserves more than being your distraction. Your fingers move through the long bangs that have fallen over his eyes. He leans into your touch while his fingers gather the fabric at your hip, collecting it in his palm. Slowly pushing it up your body's curve until it's over your head, forgotten somewhere on the floor. His lips travel down to the tip of your chin, a hand on your shoulder easing you back so he can move over you, his warm skin pressing you into the mattress. The feeling of those silky lips gently sucking the delicate column of your throat has you lost. Your leg wraps around his waist, pushing him closer. 

Another wave of change is building. Standing on the shore with open arms won't stop a thing if it's big enough to knock you down. His name echoes from your mouth, calling him back when he moves away to remove anything still between you. The short absence has made you desperate and needy. He doesn't tease or make you wait. He's against you. Inside you. Moving under your skin unhurried and sure. Finding the places that make you come apart. His mouth is on you when you come, swallowing your cries and stealing your breath. He whispers beautiful tender words in your ear as you ride out your high. He surges and throbs inside you, finally falling apart. Staying inside long after until sleep finally finds you both.

You wake up with Steve's arm crossed over your chest like a seatbelt, the hair on his chest tickling your back. The sheets and blankets are in a tangled pile at the foot of your bed. Cocooned in all his safety and warmth, you lay quietly watching the shadows cast on your wall by the last raindrops running down your window glass. The morning light has chased away the ghosts of last night but has brought doubt with it. It's easy to be caught up in him, but the bigger picture isn't as simple. Last night feels like a step too soon, and at the same time one, you've been waiting to take forever. The leg resting between your thighs shifts.

"Good morning." His lips graze the shell of your ear.

"Morning," you whisper, feeling all of him behind you.

His mouth is on your shoulder, tongue swirling over your skin. Every place he touches, he leaves little fires in his wake. Your chest rises and falls with rapid breaths as his hand leaves your shoulder to slide over your breasts and stomach stopping just shy of your pubic bone.

"You're trembling. Are you cold?" You're the very opposite of cold. With a hand on your chin, he turns your head to look at him.

"Are you okay with what happened last night?"

Your stomach drops. "You regret it."

"No. No." He shakes his head while running his hand along your cheek. "Last night was….Being with you…." He pauses, trying to find the right words. "Yesterday, you were suddenly there in front of me after all that time, and you spent the whole afternoon telling me you were his. But I couldn't help it. You have always felt like mine." His mouth takes yours, his tongue delving inside. There are demands in his kiss. Being his has always come with a high cost. Your intuition tells you that this time won't be different. 

You return his kiss with the same fervor. The hand under the pillow snakes out to wrap lightly around your throat, anchoring you. He pulls back, more than a little breathless, his plush lips parted. His other hand moves to your breast, his fingers rolling your nipple. He watches your face. Your eyes stay on his, your lips part, and you moan from the contact. His hazel eyes darken as his pupils dilate. "Do you want me?" He asks in a low voice. "Yes," comes out as a breathy sigh. "Please tell me. I need to hear it." 

"I want you, Steve," you say, pressing your ass against his thick swollen cock. A contented groan leaves his mouth, and his hand moves between your thighs. "Look at how wet you are for me." His fingers glide through your folds, dipping into your pussy. The hand on your throat tightens just slightly as he positions himself at your entrance and sinks inside you from behind. You cry out as your walls stretch around him, the position allowing him to go incredibly deep, burying himself to the root." So full," you gasp, feeling drunk on him. He moves your leg back down, so your thighs press tightly together. He moves at a slow tempo, smoothly rolling his hips. He softly and tenderly caresses your body. His fingers feather down your arm, the curve your hip, your stomach, and breasts. 

The emotions build up inside you. The years of love and longing. The heartbreak and loss. You're so very tired of crying. You slam your hips back, wanting some pain to push it all down. "Hey, hey." He squeezes your hip to slow your movements. "Stay with me. Let me get you there." He presses small kisses to your cheek and temple. Breathing through your nose, you concentrate on the words he's whispering in your ear.

"It's okay. I'll take care of you. You don't have to hide from me. I feel it too." 

He knows you, just like he said, and you know him too. He demands your vulnerability, your emotion. He's strong enough to carry them. His fingers begin to lazily circle your clit. Your orgasm builds incredibly slow, cresting in big surges that go on and on. You both moan as your muscles clutch him. He pushes your knees up, moving faster through his last few strokes before cumming hard while groaning your name.

After It could have been awkward, but it's not. He made eggs while you showered. Then he sat with you while you ate before taking his turn. He takes every opportunity to touch you, a hand on your shoulder or in your hair, his lips on your forehead. He holds your hand while driving you to your car. He kisses you deeply as his co-worker pulls into the lot and doesn't seem to mind that she could see him do it. 

"I want to see you again," he tells you as you lean against the passenger door of his BMW while he keeps hold of your hand. 

"You've got my number." Giving his hand a little squeeze, you let go and walk towards your car. His fingers wrap around your wrist, and he yanks you back to him, placing his hands on your biceps. "I know I have no right to ask you this." Those eyes, flecked with gold, bounce back and forth, watching yours with an intensity you haven't experienced from him before. "Is it too late? Could you ever love me again?" 

You used to think your heart was made of glass. There was a limit to how much it could hold. It became more fragile every time it shattered and mended. But maybe it was always elastic, snapping but not breaking. Maybe it could stretch to love them both. "I can't make you any promises right now," you tell him honestly. "But yeah, I think maybe I could." 

"We have time to figure it out, right?" He asks, swallowing. 

You nod your head and wrap your arms around him. "I'll be back for Thanksgiving."

"That's not too far away." His fingers comb through your hair.

He holds the Beetle's door open as you climb inside. "What are you doing tonight?" He gives you that lopsided cocky smirk that tells you he already knows the answer. 

"I'll be around."

He leans in to press his lips against yours. "I'll find you." He shuts your door and heads inside. 

Loose asphalt crunches under your tires, and you bounce slightly in your seat as you turn onto the uneven road that leads into Forest Hill Trailer Park. It occurs to you that you hadn't made the conscious decision to come here, nor do you remember the drive over. Your foot hits the brakes, and a small cry escapes your mouth as Eddie's trailer comes into view. Whatever you expected, it wasn't this. The trailer is split lengthwise from the middle to the front end. The metal is curling and jagged at the edges as if it was cut open with a can opener. The two halves lean away from each other, exposing their contents. Steve had explained to you that Eddie hadn't died here. He made you promise not to dig for information. He would answer your question the best he could. It was a promise you would keep. For now. 

A car horn honks from behind you, reminding you that you're stopped in the middle of the road. After pulling to the side, you step out, and you're hit with the pain all over again as the last glimmer of hope that somehow Steve had been mistaken dies inside you. Eddie's curtains blow out of his broken windows. Stepping to your toes, you try to get a better look. The walls in his room still hold pieces of ruined posters, and you can pick out a few familiar pieces of clothing lying amongst the debris. If you could reach them, would they still smell like him? No photos were taken of the two of you, no mementos or tokens. It's as if you two never existed. The only place that held any memory of your time with him is here, and it's in pieces. Wanting to be closer, you climb the front steps and reach for the door.

"Miss! Miss, you can't go in there." An older man standing there. His white beard stained yellow, likely from the lit cigarette in his hand. It takes a minute to register that he's speaking to you.

"It's not safe." He explains.

"Right. Of course," you say, stepping away.

"It's a shame what happened in there. Did you know that freak?"

"I loved him." You respond in a clear voice that carries no shame. 

The man has the courtesy to look embarrassed and mumbles his condolences. You stare him down as he backs away, leaving you alone. There is a pile of weather-damaged furniture on the curb. Eddie's acoustic is lying on the old kitchen table, smashed to pieces. A lone string is still attached to the neck. There's a soft squeak as you run your fingertip down the ridged length. Alongside it, the light bounces off the single shard of mirror left in the cracked frame. Pulling gently, mindful of the sharp edges, you work it gently from the frame. Placing it in your palm, you angle it to catch a glimpse of your reflection, hoping it will be his face staring back at you. A sharp sting causes you to drop it, and like all fragile things, it shatters as it hits the ground. A thin line of red marks your palm. 

Refusing to let the sum of his life be a pile of broken things, you sit at a nearby picnic table, tracing the scarred wood with your fingers, remembering him. There is the sound of children playing nearby, and a few people come and go staring at you curiously like you don't belong here. Maybe Eddie had thought that too. But you don't see any of that. All you see is him. The sound before his chuckle turned into a laugh. The way he would hold out his hand behind him without looking at you, knowing you would take it. How he would try to keep from smiling when you peppered his face with kisses so you would keep doing it longer, his cheeks eventually rising despite himself. His fingers moving swiftly over the frets of his guitar. His eyes bouncing to the clock waiting for Wayne to leave so he could pull you into his lap, sitting beside you wasn't close enough. Each smile that made your heart beat faster. How it felt when he touched you. His laughter. Every word. Every kiss. Every moment. Vowing to never let a memory fade, you lock them all in your heart where he'll live now, forever beautiful and always with you. This time you won't leave him behind. 

Epilogue

5 years later.

It wasn't raining today, but it felt like it should have been. It was a clear, crisp day. A slight breeze has blown a few red and gold leaves to the base of the black granite stone that had been installed the day before, and you bend to clear them away. A hand wraps around yours as you straighten, giving it a squeeze. His blue eyes crinkle at the corners, and although taller now, the brown curls still make him look boyish. Dustin steps in front of the small crowd gathered to finally say their goodbyes. His words are brief but moving. Eddie would have been proud to have seen the man he had become. A few birds catch your eye as they sail from the swaying branches of the large white oak. It felt right that he should have some shelter when it storms. When it's over, people huddle in small groups sharing a memory or two before wandering back to their cars. Wayne makes his way to you, looking older than he should, his eyes full and watery. He grips your hand and breathes out a shaky "thank you." The tears you've been holding back start to fall. 

"It wasn't me," you tell him, glancing over at Steve, standing just off to the side in a black suit, one hand crossed over the other. Steve looks surprised when Wayne holds out his hand for a shake but pulls him into a hug. The others walk back to the road, but you linger, sitting on the cold ground, legs tucked off to the side, tracing the words etched into the stone. There wasn't anything to bury, just the stone, but you can feel him here all the same. Steve returns after walking to others to their cars, offering you his hand. "Are you ready to go home?" After placing a smooth stone you collected from the ocean on Eddie's gravestone, you let Steve lead you back to the car. He came to you one morning, letting you know the arrangements had been made, saying he wanted you and Dustin to have a place to visit, but it also might have been a debt he felt needed to be paid. After much discussion on what should be printed on the stone, Steve left it for you and Dustin to decide.

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[invincible-selfxmade-punk]

I have stopped screaming and crying and now I am just numb. I guess that is a bit of a breakthrough because normally I don't scream and cry at all until much later.

I think it's the autism I have always had a severely delayed reaction to things but this time it was so bad it just took me over.

I opened up Facebook to find that yet another friend of mine took his own life.

I am almost to the point that either I am losing count of the friends and relatives who have died by Suicide or I am just breaking down and blocking them all out.

That was my friend Ben. By the time I met him he was already in a relationship and so was I but we hung out a lot. We would send each other songs that we liked and I was really attracted to him. That is not a very good picture he was so much more handsome on his better days.

It's like meeting the man of my dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife

The girl on my other side is his girlfriend Laura and they were together for years. Then I'm not sure what happened but suddenly they were not posting together on Facebook anymore and Ben was posting more and more rather scary sounding statuses.

He had told me that he had tried to kill himself several times. And I guess we bonded over that.

That was when we worked together. We were all friends his girlfriend, myself, and the music and art teacher who were married. One time they even made a band together and played gigs around town. It was because of them I found out about this awesome band called Murder Monroe. Those were truly the best times. Before covid happened and before the venue which was a coffee shop and music venue didn't survive the covid shutdown and went out of business.

Later on after he & Laura moved away he would put cryptic status on Facebook and I would message him and ask him if he wanted to talk and send him my favorite songs to try to comfort him.

He would always send me the same song back when he was in that mood. And it was kind of a song about how maybe if we had met in a different time things would be different.

Other times he would send me awesome videos of him playing guitar.

I drew this picture 5 years ago when I got a call telling me that one of my former students ---whom I was very close to --killed herself at the age of 13.

I still think it sums up exactly how I feel every time this happens.

I am so heartsick and just at a loss. We had not communicated since Christmas and he had only posted on Facebook of very few times with anything personal. The few times he did post it would be him saying how depressed he was and how he had no friends. And I would always message him and let him know he wasn't alone and ask if I could help and after a while he just didn't respond.

I'm glad he is no longer in pain but oh my God I just wish he could have hung in there.

I can't imagine what his ex-girlfriend is going through having been with him for nearly 10 years. She said in

her post that a few weeks ago he blocked her and then of course we find this out today.

Ben Benavides was a special ed teacher, a 4th/5th grade teacher. He was an introvert who was clinically depressed. He was a guitarist, he was a music fan, he was a great listener, he gave the best hugs, he felt things far more deeply than anyone else did.

He gave his all to his students to the point that he would nearly have nervous breakdowns over the stress of not being able to help them enough. He was a goth, he was a metalhead.

I didn't know him as long as most and yet he touched my life profoundly.

My dear Ben,

I am better for having known you and I am so pissed off that you left me and left this world.

Goodbye Ruby Tuesday who could hang a name on you when you change with every new day still I'm going to miss you.

[kimikiui]

Why You Should Vote for Hakupo

Hello. Good evening, morning, afternoon, brunch, sleepytime whatever time it is for you right now. I am here to sell my little autism creature to you. This is going to be a fairly long post so, just sit tight.

The second round of polls will not be out for a couple of hours. I wanted to reblog the post with this, BUT- I have class at 3 when the polls are released. Plus, gotta get those non Hakupo believers before they vote for anyone else, amirite?

Also the stickers used between catagories are the official line stickers by Pikomaru ➜ https://store.line.me/stickershop/product/3951590/en

Reminder; It's only Shinji sweep until its Hakupo sweep.

No, I'm not putting a section breaker because even if you don't read it, I want you to see the sheer size of this... It's an essay at this point. Let's get started shall we?

What is a Hakupo?

Hakupo Tsukishiro is a energetic and powerful masculine voicebank for Utau (and amadeusy but we dont talk abt brunnnoooo). He was released all the way back in 2010 and has had many important milestones in his 13 years of distribution. Four compilation albums, 7 voicebanks, 2,500+ fanarts (that i all have), and uses by really awesome people *points to the crowd*. That's all of you guys out there. <3

Hakupo as a character is inspired by moe, thanks Clarice. Like most moe characters, he's a bit air headed and happy go lucky person. His positive attitude is sometimes brought into original songs he's featured in, which just makes me smile- girlbosses love a good pick me up song.

Also he has a stupid little coat and pants. This is all you need to know to vote for Hakupo, but I will continue forward incase you are still on the fence.

Cool Hakupo Facts

He almost has the same exact suggested range as Miku (C3 to E5)... His is actually larger... he goes higher (C3 to G5).

The "Do Re Mi FâåÁaæ↓" incident of Christmas 2020, contact me I will elaborate further.

There is a little bit of an evil twin thing going on. Yeah. This is a win.

His genderbend design Kohaku is revealed when you turn down the brightness of his official reference sheet (he pulled a scott cawthon guys).

He hates to be called cute and have his head patted... which is cute.

Despite looks- His description says he has curly hair come on guys- LITTLE FLUFF.

By looking at his official Twitter bot, there's a few extra things we can learn about him. He is very stupid, very impatient, has a horrible sleep schedule, bad at multitasking, and can't stand still (I can elaborate more on these if asked).

I wrote a 43 page Utau cartoon pilot script with Hakupo as the main character. Shameless plug.

I also wrote my college admissions essay about Hakupo. Thanks for getting me into college Bobo!

Sick Bobo Uses

Get boboed.

What does Bobo mean to me?

I found Hakupo 7 years ago now, sitting in the middle of an Utau melody. I told myself I would just turn off my tablet and listen to the music. Yeah that worked- guess who was next after the screen turned off. BOBO! I needed to see the little creature creating this melody. I turned on the screen, and was not disappointed. Fancy twink in a oversized tailcoat with weird pants. I remember rambling to my mom later about how cool he was, why he was so unique, and why this one specifically caught my attention.

He's been my special interest since then, everyone around me knows Hakupo wheather they like it or not. He's about 80% of everything I draw, 50% of what I talk about, and 100% of my little creature I snuggle up with every night.

Literally.

I have a Hakupo bodypillow. Can't sleep without him.

Anyways, he's helped me find a lot of my best friends *coughcoughmeatcoughrevcough*, never fails to make me happy, and helped everyone around me realize I'm extremely autistic. The least I can do is write an ungodly long propaganda post while drinking my coffee at 9 am.

Stan Bobo Oobieero.

Hakupo Memes for Propaganda

GO VOTE FOR HAKUPO ON @utaupoll AT 3 PM EST

Thanks, have a nice day.

[klassturesmamma]

Christmas day and I sit here alone, heartbroken and oh so tired of this so called life I live. Spent chrismas eve with my family but I felt just as alone there as I do now. Watched My life with the Walter boys again and there is so much about that show that pulls at my darkest sorrows. My mother died when I was 13, dad was consumed in his own sorrow so I was the good girl that nobody saw. Music was my life but a few years later I hurt my hands and again I pulled my self through the trauma. I celebrated my 20th birthday with a smile but on the inside I was screaming and crying, broke up with my boyfriend and thought that would fix the itch. Started university to become a teacher but half way through I quit. Gut preggnant but it was a rough pregnansy and even worse delivery and before my daughter turned two I broke up with her father. Couple of years later I started university again and met a woman that made me realise that I'm queer. Never finished university because my mental health crashed and the diagnosis is fatigue and depressed with anxiety, that was 8 years ago and I can still not work due to fatigue. Therapy has helped a bit, made me see how I have not delt with the trauma I have been through and realised how much trauma I have been through. But also realised how alone I have been and how the coping mechanisms that pulled me through those traumas now makes me alone because I don't trust people to be there for me so I keep the pain to my self. I understand Coles pain and the feeling of beeing broken and lost. I wish I would have lashed out like Cole dose because maybe then somebodey would have seen me. Jackies coping mechanisms are the same as mine. Beeing a good girl that isn't a nusiance to anybody. Personal worth is measured by accomplishments and that smile, the never ending smile that works as a theatrical mask that shows everybody that you are fine. The smile that is your armor and keeps everybody at arms length and oblivius of your pain. I don't write this for sympathie but because I think it's important to try and speek more openly about mental helth and how trauma effects us all differently and remind people that trauma and grief isn't dangerous or difficult. When you meet somebody that is going through trauma remember that all you have to do is to show up, be there and listen when they are ready to talk. Just be there.

[megan-loves-surveys]

#38.

1) What is your favorite room of your living space? Why? My room, cos all my stuff is in it.

2) What do you wear when you are lounging at home? Depends on the time of the year - in summer I wear shorts and tank tops, in winter comfy pants and a sweatshirt or hoodie.

3) Do you sleep with one blanket or many blankets? I have a duvet and that's it, anything more and I'd sweat to death no matter what time of year it is.

4) Slippers or socks? I get super cold feet so I always have big fluffy winter socks and ugg boots on in the colder weather. Sometimes (like right now) even that's not enough and they're still cold :/

5) What do you do right before you go to sleep? I set my Pokémon Sleep app to sleep mode to track it xD

6) Do you fall asleep right away, or do you need something to help you sleep? like music, drugs, sex….: It has to be quiet, if I can hear people talking or music somewhere I won't be able to fall asleep. And it has to be not too warm, I sleep far better in winter than in the summer.

7) What is the FIRST thing you do when you wake up? Look at what time it is.

8) Breakfast or no breakfast? Depends.

9) What do you usually have for breakfast, if you do at all? Toast or cereal/muesli.

10) Do you watch t.v. in the morning? Cartoons or news? No, I'll usually just put on a YouTube video of some sort.

11) Shower or bath? Shower

12) Do you make the bed every morning, or just leave it? I make it cos I have loads of plushies that I need to set up on it xD

13) What helps you get going in the morning? Just getting out of bed and getting ready.

14) Do you set an alarm or wake up another way? Alarm, but most of the time I wake up naturally before it even goes off. The only time it actually wakes me up is when I've been super tired.

15) Do you have any rituals you perform before you leave your home for the day? Not really.

name: Megan. birthdate: July 13. birthplace: Auckland. current location: Auckland. hair color/eye color: Blue & purple / green. height: 5'3". boyfriend/girlfriend?: Yep, together for 2 years. siblings?: None. living arrangements: I live with my Mum, but my boyfriend and I live on the same street xD pets: None.

[ <> * % # CURRENTLY <> * % # ]

date: June 28, 2024. time: 3:39pm. hair: It's just down. listening to: Ayumi Hamasaki - I am... (Acoustic Orchestra Version) on tv: It's on downstairs but I dunno what's on. talking to: My Mum, she's in the hallway nearby cleaning the cupboard, lol. # of people on buddylist: - cd in player: I'm shuffling a playlist. people in your house: 2. makeup: None.

1. What is your Name: Megan.

2. What color pants are you wearing right now? Black.

3. What are you listening to right now? The above Ayu song, it has 1:30 left to go cos it's 5:42 lol.

4. Do you wear pajamas to bed? Yes, when it's cold.

5. What was the last thing you ate: Yoghurt.

6. If you were a crayon what color would you be: Purple.

7. How is the weather right now: It was sunny before, but the sun is gone now, it's dull. It's also quite cold.

8. Last person you talked to on the phone? Someone at work.

9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Their face.

10. Do you like the person who sent this to you: -

11. How are you today: I'm good, it's a public holiday so no work.

12. Favorite Drink: Water or Starbucks frappe.

13. Favorite Alcoholic drink: Jim Beam or Malibu.

14. Favorite Sport(s): Wrestling.

15. Hair Color: Blue & purple.

16. Eye Color: Green.

17. Do you wear contacts: No, I have glasses.

18. Siblings: None.

19. Favorite Month: July.

20. Favorite Food? Mac & cheese.

21. Last Movie you Watched: Hmm... not sure.

22. Favorite Day of the Year: Christmas Day.

23. Are You too shy to ask someone out: Depends.

24. Summer or Winter: Summer.

25. Hugs or Kisses: Both.

26. Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate.

27. Something nice about the person who sent this: -

[ Infos ] Name: Megan. Do you like it?: Not really. Nicknames: Mox Girl, MG, Mox, Moxxy/Moxie, Shorty, Meg. Age: 36. Birthday: July 13. Sign: Cancer. Location: NZ. Status: Taken. Crush: My boyfriend and Jon Moxley lol. Virgin?: No. Natural hair color: Blonde. Current hair color: Blue & purple. Eye color: Green. Height: 5'3". Birthplace: NZ. Shoe size: 5. Bra size: 16D lol.

[ Family ] Parents: Margaret & Mike. Siblings: None. Live with: My Mum. Favorite relative: My Mum & Dad equally.

[ Favorites ] Number: 13. Color: Purple. Day: Saturday. Month: July. Song: Right now it's Angelina Mango - La Noia. Movie(s): Hmm. Food: Mac & cheese. Band: Five or Blue. Season: Summer. Sport(s): Wrestling. Class: Computers/IT. Teacher: - Drink(s): Water & Starbucks frappes. Veggie: Potatoes. TV Show: Raw, Smackdown, Dynamite, Big Bang Theory etc. Radio Station: - Store: Converse outlet store. Word: Online, it's probably "lol" or "lmao" xD Animal: Cats. Flower: Tulips. State: NY.

[ This Or That ] Me/You: You, cos you're saying that so that means me lol. Coke/pepsi: Coke. Day/night: Night. Aol/aim: This survey was made like 20 years ago, wasn't it? LOL. Cd/cassette: CD. Dvd/vhs: DVD. Jeans/khakis: Jeans. Car/truck: Car. Tall/short: Tall for guys, short for me. Lunch/dinner: Both. NSYNC/BSB: BSB, but I like *NSYNC too. Britney/Christina: Britney, but Christina is great too. Gap/Old Navy: Old Navy. Lipstick/Lipgloss: Lipgloss. Silver/Gold: Silver. Alcohol/Weed: Alcohol, I don't smoke weed.

[ Love and Relationships ] Do you have a bf/gf?: Yes. Do you have a crush?: Yes. How long have you liked him/her?: Years. If you're single…why are you single?: - How long was your longest relationship?: Over 2 years. How long was your shortest relationship?: 9 months. Who was your first love?: My boyfriend. What do you miss about them?: He's still with me xD

[ The Past ] What is the one thing you would change about your life: I wish I had money to travel and go to wrestling events. What is the biggest mistake you've made in your life?: Hmm. Last thing you heard: A song starting. Last thing you saw: Discord. Last thing you said: "Oh" to my Mum, cos she was saying something about looking for something and it was right in front of her lol. Who is the last person you saw?: My Mum. Who is the last person you kissed?: My boyfriend. Who is the last person you hugged?: My boyfriend. Who is the last person you fought with?: Not sure, prob some random at work. What is the last song you heard?: Atomic Kitten - Nothing In The World

[ The Present ] What are you wearing?: Black yoga pants and a purple Seth Rollins sweatshirt. Oh, and winter fluffy socks and ugg boots. What are you doing?: This survey, listening to music and posting on Discord. Who are you talking to?: Nobody at the moment cos my Mum went back downstairs lol. What song are you listening to?: 愛し子よ- ルルティア Where are you?: In my room. Who are you with?: My Mum is downstairs. Are you online?: Of course. How are you feeling?: Alright. Are you in a chatroom?: No.

[ Future ] What day is it tomorrow?: Saturday. What are you going to do after this?: Prob go play something on Steam. Who are you going to talk to?: Depends. Where are you going to go?: I might go see my boyfriend later. How old will you be when you graduate?: I already did, years ago. What do you wanna be?: Hmm. What is one of your dreams?: To travel. Where will you be in 25 years?: Who knows.

[ Have You Ever ] Drank?: Yes. Smoked?: Cigarettes, yes. Weed, no. Had sex?: Of course. Stolen?: No. Done anything illegal?: Probably. Wanted to die?: No. Hit someone?: Jokingly, yes lol.

[ Other ] Do you write in cursive or print?: No clue. Are you a lefty or a righty?: Lefty. What is your sexual preference?: Bi. What piercings do you have?: None. Do you drive?: I have my learner's, but that's about it. Do you have glasses or braces?: Glasses. Did you like this survey?: Sure.

[ Physical Appearance ] What do you most like about your body?: My hair and my boobs. And least?: My stomach. How many fillings do you have?: None. Do you think you're good looking?: I'm average. Do other people often tell you that you're good-looking?: Not often, but it happens lol. Do you look like any celebrities?: Not really.

[ Fashion ] Do you wear a watch?: I have a FitBit if that counts. How many coats and jackets do you own?: No coats, but I own a leather jacket and a bunch of hoodies. Favorite pants/skirt color?: Black, blue or purple. Most expensive item of clothing: If shoes count, then my Converse collection. I have almost 20 pairs xD Most treasured?: Of my clothes? Again, Converse if shoes count. Otherwise, my entire wrestling shirt collection cos a lot of them you can't buy anymore. What kind of shoes do you wear?: Converse lol - the only time I don't wear them is at work where I wear heels and when it's super hot, cos then I'll break out the flip flops instead xD Describe your style in one word: Casual.

[beatlebug987]

Album of the Week: emails i can't send fwd: by Sabrina Carpenter

Hi! So lately I've been listening to at least one new album a week, and I decided why not document my thoughts as I do so? I'm gonna go track by track and list my thoughts on the songs maybe with a general album ranking at the end!! I started listening to this, got two songs in, then decided to write this and have also heard a few songs before so that's why some of my thoughts are more chaotic than the others LOL.

ALSO ALL OF THIS IS JUST MY OPINION!! PLEASE DON'T ATTACK ME TvT

(Fun fact, I used to listen to quite a bit of Sabrina Carpenter when I was younger when she was a Disney Channel kid. It's interesting how different her music is now compared to the stuff she used to make.)

Track 1: emails I can't send - It's nice! I like that it's short and I also like the strings that come in later. The transition to Vicious is nice as well.

Track 2: Vicious - I like this one quite a bit. It's catchy. The hit at the end is very pleasing to my ears LOL.

Track 3: Read your Mind - WOAH that beginning threw me off LOL. OKAYYY DANCEY BEAT. This is a jam. I'm vibing with this one. 💃🕺AGAIN WITH THE STRINGSSS.

Track 4: Tornado Warnings - Interesting word flow. Okay drums. SHE SPITTIN OKAY SABRINA. WOAHHH SON OF A BITCH. Kinda think she should've called this song Lying to My Therapist instead of Tornado Warnings LOL. That's a fun one. Kinda bland, but still good!

Track 5: because I liked a boy - I've already heard this song, but I do really like it. I like that it starts slow and then gets more intense as it goes on. TELL ME WHO I AMMM GUESS I DON'T HAVE A CHOICEEEEEE ALL. BECAUSE. I. LIKEDDDD. A. BOYYYY. Solid song.

Track 6: Already Over - INSTANT JAM OKAYYY. THIS BEAT. WOAH. THE CLAPSSSSS. AURGH. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CLOSE THE DOOR WHEN I STILL NEED THE CLOSURE??? WHATHUUTFYGU WOAH OKAY DAMN. Slowing down on okayyy. CLAPS AGAIN. YEEEE. I LIKE THIS. I wished it had a bit more going on, but it was still a jam. I LIKE MY BED BUT IT LIKES YOU TOOOOO AAAA.

Track 7: how many things - "You used a fork once/It turns out forks are fuckin' everywhere" GIRL WHAT??? HUH???? WHAT DOES THAT- OH WHATGYUFHGY. So this song isn't about forks, okay. OH WAIT I GET THAT FIRST LINE NOW LOL. IT THREW ME OFF THO. ~HARMONIESSSS~ OOF. Damn alright. Now it's sad :( I like that it doesn't have many instruments. Makes it sadder. Yowch. That's my final thought on this one.

Track 8: bet u wanna - Okay cowboy. Nope, not cowboy. THAT BEAT OKAY. OOoo🕺This reminds me of something. Maybe a bit of Dua Lipa? It's vibey though. A bit boring to me tbh... it's fun, but like, not much to focus on.

Track 9: Nonsense - I've also heard this one before. (Kinda hard to not have) I enjoy it. It's fun. Ble Blah Bleee. I think I also listened to the Christmas version of this one she made and was like "WOAH THAT'S DIRTY" lol. Lookin at you got me thinkin ~nonsense~.

Track 10: Fast Times - Okayyyy. Pianoooo~ Alrightttt jammy. Vibing with this one. F BOMB. Strings once again. GUITAR?? IS THAT GUITAR CUZ IT'S AWESOME. Pretty fun one.

Track 11: skinny dipping - Guitarr~ weird word flow again. She's talking more than singing. Does she actually have a sister named Shannon?? Alright. Not much happening in this one LOL. I just realized I turned on the deluxe version haha. Trumpet.

Track 12: Bad for Buisness - Like this one already I think. WHA. Okay beat. OOO. ALRIGHT. Grooving to this one. YEEEEEEE. \o/ BAAADD FOR BUISNESSS~ I like this. She's Down bad for this guy. Waaaaaaa. AA the layered vocals.

Track 13: decode - Aight. She should go to bed if she's so tired. This one's pretty chill. Nope there's a bit of a beat. Hm. Not much to say on this one LOL. SHE LOVES STRINGS MY GOODNESS (THAT'S POSITIVE I LIKE STRINGS). I've noticed that I can still tell it's the same person I used to listen to when I was younger, but she's definitely evolved. That doesn't make the most sense, but yk.

Track 14: opposite - Guitarrr again. WORD FLOW AGAIN. Damn, he doesn't like her blue eyed stare. Alright layered vocals again. Ooh? change in the instrumental. alright adding some things. Ehh?? Not much to say on this one.

Track 15: Feather - I've heard this one before ofc, and - because I'm basic - I really like it LOL. Very radio pop. It's so fun. AAAAHH~ WITH YOU OUT MY LIFE~~! Very jammy. I'm so sorry for your loss!🤪 \o/ Very fun song.

Track 16: Lonesome - COWBOY AGAIN. YEEEHAWW. Alrighttt. F BOMB. She's not wrong; you cannot spell lonesome without me. OO vocals. WHY IS IT LIKE COWBOY MUSIC. IT'S KINDA FUNNY LOL. MAKES ME FEEL LIKE I'M IN A WESTERN. Twangy. I like this one. YEEEEEEEHAWWWWWW.

Track 17: things I wish you said - Last track. Okayyyy she really likes guitar. Hmm. This kinda reminds me of characters in my fanfic LOL. Just a little. Aw. Damn you should clean your room if it's so hairy. I like this one. It's sad but not like super slow sad.

Final thoughts/rating

I enjoyed it! I really think her upbeat and peppy songs are the best ones and the sad slow ones got a little boring after a while. Overall, I'd give it a... hmm I suck at rating things lol um... 5/10??? IDK. It had some good ones and some ones I wasn't the biggest fan of. My favorite songs were probably Feather, because I liked a boy, Bad for Buisness, andddd lonesome I think.

[thegospelhighways2020]

Good Morning Church People out there we're looking back in March 8th 2020 Sunday about the Christmas Season and Thanksgiving and Halloween Season plans holiday season how many of you have holiday season plans? I know I got some plans around the holidays now We was talking about this oil that we use to pray for people with this time we're praying for Children and Animals with the same oil you can use a oil at home to pray with too or cook but we're not cooking on the grill with the oil people use the oil for cooking but I'll use it for praying and people we don't drink or eat the oil because it will kill someone if they try it now We need to recognize that experience is what the lord can do for us we pray for those who Lost their lives through out the year we can pray for them Missing Children we can pray and I don't want anyone to hate on someone or bully someone because that's not nice it's not right that someone hates someone and wants to bring drama to the table just look at the person that you were holding a grudge against and say hey listen I'm sorry for holding on to a grudge against you over 13 years ago before and I wanted to make it up to you Sunday morning we are going to preach and pray every Sunday morning we're praying for Them Children Angels and Missing Children like this morning we're praying for Saffie Rose Roussos Lexi McDavid or Margot and Anne Frank Nitti or whoever they are or was we want them all to know that we're praying for Them

[dorefasolsido]

39.

1. Did you wake up cranky?

No, I struggled to wake up but felt surprisingly fine once I did.

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?

Nah. They're waaaay too young.

3. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?

I don't really care, but I've always had more girl friends. I guess I just relate to them better.

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?

Yeah, why not.

5. Can you commit to one person?

Tbh, I definitely have some commitment issues. Not so much in a sense that I need to be with more people at once, but rather that as soon as things start looking serious (even with friends), my avoidant attachment kicks in.

6. How do you look right now?

Just as I always do when I'm sitting around the house.

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?

Black leggings, black socks, and a black Christmas sweater with a deer on it. Yes, I'm aware we're waaay past Christmas now.

8. How often do you listen to music?

Usually I listen to it in the car.

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

Jeans, but lately cargos are my go-to.

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2014?

Lol damn. Well, I don't think my life changed dramatically then, but it did in 2014.

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?

I'm not either, I guess you'd say I'm a bit asocial. But I'm not actively antisocial.

12. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

Well, nothing. I mean, what can I do? I'd just accept it and try to move on.

13. Are you good at hiding your feelings?

A little too good, I'd like to unlearn some of that.

14. Can you drive a stick shift?

Yup.

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?

Sure, I don't think anyone enjoys when other speak badly about them.

16. Are you going out of town soon?

Probably, yes. To this big teambuilding event.

17. When was the last time you cried?

I know for sure I cried on Tuesday.

18. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

Hmm, you could kind of say so. I never really expected to consider dating a girl.

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?

I like my eye colour, but sure. Wouldn't hurt to try a different one.

20. Name something you have to do tomorrow?

Tomorrow will just be a day for seeing people I haven't seen for a while.

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.

My day was actually perfectly and then I suddenly started feeling so restless at 12 AM and had no idea what to do. That happens so often, like everything's just fine and then my brain goes like "But aren't you enjoying yourself too much?" Like, leave me alone, man.

22. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?

Another difficult question, so I'll say kinda. And I think that same friend liked me back at the time.

23. Are you nice to everyone?

I try to be, but tbh, I wish I wasn't really always.

24. What are you sitting on right now?

The couch in my living room.

25. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

Cheating would not be the issue at all. The issue would be if I'm able to not get spooked by feelings and run away. I used to be better about this, but I feel like I've definitely regressed in this department.

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

Not really.

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?

I think my cat lol.

28. Do you get a lot of colds?

Not normally, but in the past few months I did.

29. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?

Nope.

30. Does anyone hate you?

I don't know. I can think of one person who might, but I'm not sure even she does either.

31. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?

Kind of, but I'm not sure I could tell everything to anyone.

32. Do you like watching scary movies?

Yess, my favourite genre.

33. Are you a jealous person?

Not normally. But I've had my moments in the past, when I was much younger.

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

I don't think I'd delete any of them. Even 2020 and 2023, both of which absolutely sucked, I'd still keep.

35. Did you have a dream last night?

I did but I completely forgot what it was about.

36. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?

Again, I do think there are people who would listen and not judge, but the problem is literally just in me and my need for privacy.

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

No. I have no interest in marriage.

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

Idk, I rarely assume that. The friend I mentioned before, I'm not sure if he still feels that way and I'm also not sure how serious another friend is when he jokingly talks about us dating. But I'm always inclined to say no.

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

I doubt it, it's late and most people I know are asleep.

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?

It was good, actually.

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?

Nope.

42. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

In some ways it is, in other ways, it's completely different. My living situation is largely the same, but I feel like I've totally changed as a person in the past few years.

43. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

I don't have such a person.

44. What’s the best part about school?

When you're done and you can go home.

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

I deleted my FB.

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?

We did pass notes sometimes, and then later we transitioned to texting.

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

Often. Way, way too often.

48. Were you single over the last summer?

Of course I was.

49. What are you supposed to be doing right now?

Nothing really, thank god. I'm so so tired of work.

50. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?

She's cute.

[lilyliveredlittlerichboy]

My relationship with Christianity is. Interesting.

(readmore cus this got So Long and i don't wanna clog up ur dash)

I was born into a culturally Christian country to parents who had both been christened, but had both since left the church. So I grew up more or less agnostic. I took religious education in school and went for the protestant branch.

we got the choice, as "Christian" i.e. not defined as anything else, between catholic and protestant. my dad grew up catholic and I think between my parents they agreed that protestant was gonna be the lesser of two evils.

I loved school and I loved learning. When I was 7 I snuck into the catholic service once. I didn't take communion (didn't even know what that even was at the time) and was a little fascinated and a lot weirded out by the intricate rituals. I never felt the desire to go again.

(We had services with the protestants too but they were held in a community centre and mostly we were just told kid versions of bible stories.)

In religious studies in high school, we learned about other religions and were told lots of stories, not all of them from the bible. Later, we were taught historical context to some biblical stories, which I found so fascinating.

When I was 13 I joined a church choir with my dad (in a protestant church). This meant that I was now in church on a Sunday with passing regularity, at least a handful of times a year, sometimes more. Good Friday, Christmas Eve and occasional random services which weren't special other than we sang a Bach cantata (which our choir director was very partial to) (and he was right about this tbh).

So I became accustomed quite intimately with the lore and rituals of Christianity, while maintaining a somewhat comfortable distance from the actual religiousness. I listened to the sermons and had my own thoughts about them. The protestants were quite tame, to be honest. I also went to catholic services a handful of times in that time, usually with my dad's family, and usually hated it. (The church. I don't have a problem with my dad's family.)

Anyway, I finished school as a newly out, socially anxious and awkward baby queer. Moved to uni, in Scotland.

I had a very Christian flatmate in my first year. I'm not much of a drinker and during Freshers week where most events seemed to involve alcohol, the Christian Union was a breath of fresh air with their non-alcoholic and still fun events. I maintained the same very practiced arms-length distance while enjoying the events.

At some point during the year I asked a guy who'd been preaching minutes before how he felt about the Church's overall stance on homosexuality. I'd recently dipped my toe into queer activism you see, and had a very real undercurrent of fear of christian retribution for my deviant "lifestyle". That guy tried to assure me that it was mostly just one super-evangelical family in America pushing all the queerphobia, but it didn't reassure me a whole bunch. Around the same time I heard stories out of the LGBT society of being told by members of the Christian Union that they were gonna go to hell. I didn't really go to many more CU events after that.

I entered an era of intense Church-scepticism, which I've always had in moderate amounts. I was on tumblr a lot and learned pride in my sexuality. I was still in choirs, still singing christian music, but meeting other queer people through the choirs as well. I met my first trans friends. By the time I finished uni, i was thoroughly disillusioned with religion (read x tianity).

When I moved to Cardiff, my girlfriend at the time convinced me to join her church choir. This meant being in church every Sunday cus Anglicans are on another fucking level. I kept up with it for a time. The people were nice and they got my pronouns right. I met some lovely friends through that church.

But that church collapsed thanks to some meddling by the bishop, and now I barely even go to my secular trans choir. I miss singing t bh

And I'm back on tumblr. And I've followed quite a few Muslim and Jewish folks. I have Jewish and Muslim friends and I know that "religion bad" is an ice cold take with vibes of cultural genocide. I have Christian friends as well who observe their religion and they are almost all trans queer polyamorous. I've been learning a lot about the biblical context I was taught in school, and how it was still presented from a very much Christian perspective. I've been reflecting on how even though I'm not a religious person, I don't see myself as Christian, this religion has been having a biiiig hold on my life. There are few parts of my life that have not been touched by my Culturally Christian experience and my brushes with Christianity. I belong to the cultural majority in all countries I've lived in for any amount of time at all. I'm Christian in all but name, really.

I've been aware of the horrors of christianity for a long time. The crusades and the genocide and the witchhunts, the pedophilia and sexism and homophobia. I'm learning more now and it's hard for me to see christianity as a force of good, at all, ever. Sure individual christians can be perfectly lovely people and individual churches can be safe spaces for marginalised people.

But I've also been learning a lot about how the good-evil dichotomy was basically invented by the church to keep people in line via fear. I see the consequences of forced christianisation in people from countries that weren't originally christian. I see callers with megaphones and pamphlets and wonder what it would take to cut through their brainwashing. I hear about the terrible damage that cults derived from christianity do - mormons, scientology, jehovas witnesses, even satanism.

I think about how especially catholic services have always felt a bit occulty and strange to me. Bells and incense and weird tasteless wafer bread. The body of christ you say? you want people to take this shit seriously? and millions across the world DO???

I'm at a stage now where I think the church as a global, tax-exempt organisation needs to be dismantled, and we as a society need to have a frank, honest discussion about the values christianity has instilled in us by default. about how catholicism is mostly built on devotion based on fear, and (while historically very effective) this is no way to treat entire populations. its so fucking damaging and has done untold damage to the very foundation of our society.

I wonder what life could be like if millions of Christians were freed from this idea of They Have To Be Perfect Else They Will Burn In Hell Forever. And then the people who have been historically oppressed by christians as well.

What if we built a society on a foundation of joy and care? Hope and community?

(NO!!! not the Christian kind of "if we bring all of these poor sinners into our Community, we can have Hope for their eternal lives". just, Hope that we can make society here, on earth, a better place for everyone, through strengthening Communities.)

The more I think about it the more christianity has got its claws into everything, politics media healthcare everything, and that's just not right. I cannot unsee it. I don't really know what I can do about it? My plate is so full already. But if I just, say, work on dismantling the stigma around disability, work on society seeing disability as a Thing that just Happens and not some kind of divine karma punishment deal, that will already help I think.

And I'm doing that already.

[emsylcatac]

hi I'm gonna talk about post-reveal pre-relationship (because I can) and in this totally disorganised essay I will list reasons why it is important that we get post-reveal pre-relationship in the show and why it makes sense (to me and my personal needs but consider this list has everyone's best interests at heart and not just my own)

1. post-reveal pre-relationship in Ephemeral was brilliant so imagine getting all of this but it lasts more than like 5minutes. like imagine we really take the time to see them reconciling the other's identity in more than one episode

2. once the reveal happen, we get to look forward to them getting together and imagine tons of different scenarios (we already do that but you get what I mean right): it's like once your birthday has passed there's still christmas to look forward to, you know?

3. we get to see them fall in love a second (or third 😏) time

4. it really is upping the clowning to the next level honestly and what is this show if not a clowns show

5. we saw pictures of Adrien as Chat Noir in ephemeral thanks to the Marinette Freak Out Vision, but now I also need to see pictures of Chat Noir as Adrien too so if the next Marinette Freak Out Vision could give us that it would be neat (ladyblog pictures of Chat Noir's acrobatics from Rocketear I'm counting on you)

6. In the same idea and logic, we never got to see the Adrien Simp Vision of switching pictures of Marinette and Ladybug and really I think we should see it too for our personal simp reasons

7. the shenanigans and doubts of "has he moved on? does he still love me even though I rejected him before? shit he's not flirting why did I tell him to stop, I take it baaack" and "who is buttercup I really really really need to know, yes you can practice your confession for him on me my lady doesn't hurt one bit haha ha"

8. if you think the pining pre-reveal is bad, imagine the pining in a prpr situation. it'd be a nightmare but a nightmare we're willing to have

9. the classmates obliviously discussing Ladybug & Chat Noir's romantic endeavours right in front of Adrien & Marinette who have to just stand here and listen knowing it's exactly themselves they're talking about

10. Even better, they ask Marinette her opinion on Ladybug and Chat Noir's romantic feelings when Adrien is right here

11. Marinette putting up pictures of Chat Noir in her room

12. Adrien hiding pictures of Marinette in his room

13. every or so episode we get to be like "this is it. this is the one. it's gonna happen" and last second they chicken out but we got an awfully sweet moment we will scream about (in both frustration and happiness)

14. the end of ship wars within the same ship as we all scream towards the same goal: get together for the love of cheese

15. them going on a date-what date-this is not a date many many times

anyway I need to go to bed but who knows I just might continue this list later

[wiypt-writes]

25 Days Of CHRIS-Mas

Day 14: Dreaming Of A Weiss Christmas

Summary: Mike ends up in the ER and he’s not in a good way…

Pairing: Mike Wess (Puncture) x Sunny Side Up Reader

Warnings: Bad Language, reference to drug abuse (NSFW, 18+)

W/C: 2.4k

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction, any likeness to any persons or events in real life are purely co-incidental. I do not own any characters contained herein bar the reader and/or any original characters. I do not give consent for my work to be copied and posted/translated onto any other sites. If you see this fiction anywhere other than Tumblr, it has been taken without permission. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer and ALL warnings posted here.

A/N: So I imagine the reader here to be the same one from my smutty one shot- Sunny Side Up

25 Days Of Chris-mas Masterlist / Main Masterlist  /

Day 13: Lucas Lee (Scott Pilgrim v The World)

Your feet ached and your legs were tired on account of you not sitting down once since you’d arrived for your shift six hours ago. It was the last Friday before Christmas, and seemingly everyone in Delaware was out celebrating. Which of course, meant plenty of action in the ER.

You'd seen it all tonight. Literally. A Santa with an elf kink, an elf with a candy cane kink, a few horrific accidents, eggnog poisoning, drugs, babies with RSV. And now you had a bus on its way in with a man in his mid-thirties, found collapsed in his office by his secretary.

Or at least that was what the call on the radio was.

You snorted, thinking it was a cover for a wild affair and a good time before he was due to go home to his wife.

You quickly checked your phone, no word from Mike, but you knew he was working late trying to tie up the last bit of paper work on his latest case before he finished for the holiday. You were spending a quiet Christmas alone before the Dazinger family arrived for New Years, and you were looking forward to seeing them again. They hadn’t been over since the spring, and you and Mike hadn’t made it back to Texas despite your intentions and you knew he missed his best pal.

"Bus is pulling in, Dr Y/L/N. Bay 5." An admitting nurse came by and grabbed you.

“Okay,” you stopped by the sanitizer station to scrub your hands before you grabbed a pair of gloves and headed over. “So, what have we got?” You asked, your eyes focussed on your hands as you pulled on your gloves.

“34-year-old male, found collapsed on the floor of his office,” the paramedic spoke as you looked up quickly to show you were listening, as the nurses began bustling around. “He’s been in and out of it a little, complaining of acute abdominal pain. Possible appendicitis.”

“You give him anything?” You asked as your eyes flicked to the bed and then, your breath caught as you stared at the man whose face was contorted in pain.

“No, he refused everything…”

"Mike? Jesus, alright, he's a recovered addict. Let's transfer him to the bed from the gurney on three."

Once Mike was in place, you hastily moved to his side and gripped his hand, “hey.”

He blinked at you and gave you a small smile before he groaned again, his fingers tightening around yours.

“Wait, this is your Mike?” One of the nurses spoke and you nodded. “Want me to grab another doctor?”

"No, I'm okay. There's no one else."

“Fuck,” Mike whimpered.

“Okay, he’s gonna need something for the pain,” you bit your lip.

“No…” he groaned, and you sighed.

“Giving him Tylenol or Motrin is gonna be like going after Godzilla with a Nerf gun at the moment: pretty pointless,” Sandy, the staff nurse looked at you.

“I know, I just…” Mike gave another loud groan of pain you sighed, “okay, let’s give him a small amount of oxycodone to start with. Absolutely no morphine.”

“Babe,” you moved back to his head, your hand stroking over his hair, “we’re gonna give you something to make you a little bit more comfortable but I promise it’s gonna be okay,” you smiled as he looked at you, “you’ve done really well the last three years, you're not a higher risk of relapse, it’s normal procedure.”

“No…no needles,” he looked at you and you nodded.

“Yeah, okay. We’ll get you a pill.”

"Yeah," he grimaced, his body curling into itself.

As Sandy headed off for his pain relief, you managed to get him to lay down and you unclipped the suspenders from his beige coloured slacks.

“What did Janet say about your tie?” You tried to distract him as you began undoing his navy-blue dress shirt. You were referring to the ugliest Christmas you could find for him you'd found in a thrift store uptown.

"Brilliant," he sweat out against his paler than usual complexion.

A second nurse spoke, "Temp is 104.7."

"Alright," you got to work, Mike no longer your boyfriend but your current patient, separating your emotions from the job required. "Mike, you're gonna have to let me start an IV. I promise that's the only needle, alright?"

“No.”

“Mike, we have no choice. We can do it into the back of your hand, not your arm.”

He swallowed and then finally agreed.

“Okay, now I need you to tell me where it hurts?” You gently prodded his stomach and he gave a yell, before he turned onto his side and vomited on the floor.

“Okay, I’m pretty sure this acute appendicitis.” You looked at Sandy as she returned with his painkillers.

“Want me to order an ultrasound?”

“No, let’s get him straight into the OR, if he’s in this much pain, then it could be at risk of rupturing and sepsis”

“I errr, I hate to ask but…”

“Yeah, I got our insurance details.” You nodded, watching as Mike was now led back, his left arm slung over his forehead as your junior doctor successfully attached the IV to the back of his hand.

From then on, things moved pretty fast. Your clinical lead told you to stay with Mike, much to your relief, and you headed up to the OR with him. Thankfully, he was taken straight in, but just as he was being wheeled through the doors, he gripped your hand tight.

“Babe…”

“I’m gonna be right outside, okay? And I’ll be there when you wake up.”

He managed a nod before being wheeled off.

******

Thankfully, he’d been brought in just in time. His appendix was severely inflamed but not ruptured and so could be removed via laparoscopy instead of full open surgery. You shed a few tears of relief as the surgeon relayed that to you as you stood watching from the observation room.

This meant that, provided everything went well, he’d be able to go home soon and be back to his normal routine within a week or so. But most importantly of all, it meant his pain wouldn’t be unbearable and you should be able to manage it carefully with an appropriate prescription.

An hour and a half later you were sat in his recovery room, waiting for him to come round from the anaesthesia. You sat at his bedside, still in your scrubs and now your glasses perched on your nose. His hand was held tightly between both of yours as you watched him come to.

He stirred, a soft groan slipping from his lips as he blinked. Once, twice, three times, his head lolling to the side.

"Hey," you spoke softly, his groggy eyes landing on yours.

“Y/N…” he muttered.

“Hey…”

“No, I need Y/N.” He shook his head, his eyes remaining closed.

“I’m here…”

“No, I need her.”

You took a deep breath, you’d dealt with enough cases of postoperative delirium to know that it wasn’t worth upsetting him, especially when he wouldn’t remember a thing he was saying now once the fog cleared.

“Okay, she’s busy but I’ll page her. For the time being, I’ll just wait here, okay?”

"Yeah." He croaked.

You reached up to check the oxygen flow, increasing it slightly to help with his brain function and sat back down.

“Can you remember why you’re in here?”

“Erm… pain. Appendix.”

“Yeah, good. It all went well, you’ll be able to go home in a day or so.”

"No drugs," he mumbled.

"No, only the bare minimum for inflammation, pain management and discomfort. Nothing beyond Tylenol or Motron when you’re discharged, none of the hard stuff."

"Where's Y/N?"

“On her way.” You assured him. “Now, just try and rest.”

"Yeah," he closed his eyes and you leaned in to press your lips to his cheek.

He flinched and pulled away, his eyes remaining shut, “I don’t… no, sorry, I love Y/N,” he sighed

“Well, word has it she loves you too.” You smiled a little to yourself.

“Don’t deserve her.” He mumbled

"Yeah, why's that?"

“I put her through some…” he licked his lips. “Drugs, she saved…my life.”

You grabbed the water cup nearby, gently. Tilting it to his lips. "You do deserve her."

"I...it’s Christmas next week. Got her something special."

“Yeah? I’m sure she’ll appreciate it.”

“Had to hide it,” he lay back, his eyes looking at the ceiling, “she likes to go lookin’ for her gifts.”

You smirked. You did, a horrible habit you'd had since a little girl that had now grown into a game for the two of you.

“This one has to be a surprise. So I wrapped it,” Mike grinned, “and it’s in a box in another box in another box under the tree. So she can’t peak."

"Interesting."

“I hope it fits.”

That caught your attention. "Fits?"

He nodded, his eyes closing. “I think it’s her size, I had to steal…” at that he gave a little yawn.

"Just rest, Mike." You encouraged. "Y/N will be here soon."

He fell silent, his eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks as his chest fell and rose steadily.

You watched him, tears in your eyes as you had a funny feeling you know what that present was.

A few months ago the ring that your grandma had given you had mysteriously vanished only to reappear on top of the microwave. You had at the time assumed you’d removed it when cleaning and forgotten but now… well, you found yourself realising that Mike must have borrowed it.

To check the size of a ring he had bought you.

"Oh Mike," you whispered tearfully. You had so many emotions. Sad you inadvertently spoiled the surprise, elated he was asking and incredibly happy because the two of you'd come so far.

It was an hour later when you heard your name being spoken. You jerked awake, having dozed off on the chair. Two blue eyes locked onto yours and you gave a tired smile as Mike reached for your hand.

“Hey, babe.”

“How are you feeling?” You asked, your fingers tightening gently round his.

"Fucked up," he dryly chuckled.

You leaned over and kissed his cheek. “They got your appendix out easily, you just need to rest up for a while and then you can come home.”

“Did the other doctor call you?”

“Other doctor?”

“Yeah, there was one here before. I was talking it her. She seemed nice. Pretty, but not a patch on you.”

"Oh, Weiss." You ran your thumb over his cheek.

****

A day later, Mike was allowed home with strict instructions not to do anything to strenuous.

To his credit, he was the perfect home patient, filling his time with making cookies and various other treats as per his favourite pastime and in what felt like the blink of an eye, it was Christmas Eve and the pair of you were snuggled on the sofa, you thanking your lucky stars your shift patterns had given you the coveted Christmas Day holiday.

Mike was a little restless, his leg twitching every so often and you looked up at him, your hands softly running through the hair on the back of his head.

“You seem agitated, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m… err… can I give you one of your presents now?” He looked at you, his cheeks an adorable shade of pink and you smiled.

You did your best to stay calm, despite the fact your heart had leapt into your throat.

“Erm, okay.”

Ever so carefully he moved over to the tree, taking to his knees and digging out the box he sought.

“Mike, be careful.” You said softly, “you shouldn’t be bending.”

"I'm fine, it's for a second." He slowly brought himself upright and walked back to the couch with you. He sat carefully down and sighed handing you the box.

You looked at him, and then with hands that you were trying desperately to keep still you tore off the paper and opened the box. Sure bough, inside was a slightly smaller wrapped box. You looked at Mike who grinned as you playfully rolled your eyes and opened the second box to reveal a third.

And that was when you felt Mike stiffen besides you. Pretending not to notice you tore the paper off and then lifted the lid, your hand flying to your mouth as you saw the deep red, Cartier ring box.

"Mike...." you whispered with a tremble in your voice.

"I've waited a long time for this, for someone like you to come into my life and I had just about given up on everything. I did give up on everything. And there you were." He slowly took to a knee before you, a slight grimace to his face.

"You don't..." you started but he silenced you.

"No, I've got to." He took the ring box and slipped that promise out, your hand free in his own. "You saved my life. You gave me a purpose that I never thought I had. Y/N, you've put up with all my shit and seen me at my very worst, literally vomiting and sweating out years of terribly wrong decisions. But since the second we met, I've made only the right ones and all I want to do is make each and every decision from here on out with you and only you. Please make me a kept man, Y/N. Marry me?"

“A kept man?” You spluttered a laugh as he gave you his signature grin, “oh Mikey… yes, of course I’ll marry you.”

He grinned more and slipped the ring over your left ring finger. Your lips latched to his immediately as you tearfully accepted.

“I love you, Mike Weiss,” you whispered against his mouth, “so much.”

"I love you, Y/N Weiss." He smirked. He looked down at your hands. "A perfect fit. "You didn’t comment that you’d already sussed his efforts with your grandma’s ring, instead you let him explain all that to you, taking in the shine in his eyes.

****

Later that night the pair of you lay naked in bed, tangled around one another. Your love making had been slow, not least because of his recovery, but also because the mood was just that. Slow and intimate.

As you slept, Mike pressed a kiss to your head. He knew that you’d known about the ring. As soon as one of the nurses told him you hadn’t left his side since he came out of the operating room, he’d quickly realised the other doctor he’s been chatting shit to had been you.

But the fact you’d been happy to hide that and wait, give him his moment made his heart swell.

"Mrs Weiss," he chuckled. "It's perfect."

"Merry Christmas, Mr. Weiss." You murmured against his chest.

“Dreaming of a Weiss Christmas, huh babe?”

At that you let out a tired groan and Mike laughed.

“Idiot.”m

🎄🎄🎄🎄

Day 15: Steve Rogers (Marvel)

[mxchellesworld]

punk rock princess

spencer reid x reader

synopsis; where spencer’s working on the final paper for his third phd meanwhile you take on the task of making sure he takes a break.

warnings; smut, p in v, unprotected sex, creampie, sub!spence if you squint, nipple piercings;),

a/n; i’m not saying this is my fantasy but .. this is my fantasy,, inspired by this song, y’all know the drill. you don't have to listen while reading but i always love to set the vibe. lastly y/n doesn't have any mentioned features or looks besides piercings/tattoos,, the rest is all up to you:)

pls send in feedback!

***

A shiver crawled down your spine from the first squirt of dye hitting your scalp. The bubblegum pink shade being a change from the firey red which inhabited your head a mere 24 hours prior.

The process was muscle memory at this point. Brushing out your hair then parting and sectioning it off. However that was the only methodical part. The fun was in slapping on the dye, not a single worry about staining your hands or neck.

The sounds of heavy drums and bass guitar bounced off the walls in the bathroom of the small apartment. Even though the door was shut it wasn't enough to stop the sound from flowing into the living room where your boyfriend was working.

Spencer sat at the dining table, flipping through copious amounts of folders and books. His third thesis in the process of being written. The computer screen in front of him looking back with a mocking glow. Since apparently things had to be digital now.

Your feet padding on the wooden floor made him look up from the pages. Humming to the music as you walked into your bedroom. Then back out a few seconds later holding a towel and robe.

A small smile tugged across his face. Ever since you had moved in together he loved to watch your day to day actions. The way you played your music concerningly loud, your skincare routine which included cleaning your facial piercings. What fascinated him the most was that in the 13 months you’d been together he’d seen you dye your hair 7 times.

Not including any touch ups.

He stood from his place at the table, making his way to the bathroom. Two quick rasps on the door to check if you were decent. The action made you giggle.

“Come in!” you called, “I don’t know why you knock weirdo you’ve seen me naked plenty of times.”

A blush spread across his cheeks from both your words and your state of undress. His eyes tried to focus on the splotches of color on the counter, keeping the blood flowing to the head on his shoulders.

But it was hard when the sheer bralette you had on did very little to hide the metal bars in each of your breasts.

“Spence?” you said snapping a fingers in front of him.

He cleared his throat, eyes snapping to your face which held a smirk.

“Are uh those n-new?” he questioned, hand going to scratch the nape of his neck.

The usual silver balls at the end of the bars were now tiny jewell hearts. The color was a little hard to tell due to the material of your bra but from the change in your hair he could almost bet money they were also pink.

With swift hands you unclipped your bra and threw it on the closed toilet seat before turning to face him.

“Got them when I bought the dye yesterday,” you said pushing your boobs up with your hands, “You like?”

Spencer’s eyes were as big as saucers, frantically nodding, “Y-yeah they look nice.”

You dropped your hands to your hips, tugging off the shorts you had on. The wide brown eyes before you couldn’t get any bigger, trailing down your frame stopping to admire the bar in your belly button along with the ink which littered your ribs.

He watched as you got to your knees, turning on the bath faucet. You dipped your head under the water, a stream of pink filling the tub.

The slope of your spine bent over was a sight he'd seen more than enough times. He could pinpoint the beauty marks on your left shoulder, the small sun he sketched which ended up permanently on the back of your neck. But if he let his gaze drift a little further south he could see how deliciously the dark lace looked barley covering up your most intimate parts.

A smack to his calf got his attention.

“Earth to Spencer! Can you hand me the shampoo,” you asked which came out sounding a bit muffled.

He quickly scurried to the tub and reached over to grab the bottle, squeezing a bit of gel onto your open palm.

"I'm gonna go work on my thesis some more," Spencer said slowly shutting the door behind him.

Making his way back to the living room, he pulled a few files and sat down on the couch. Glasses sat on the bridge of his nose and red pen between his teeth and he stared in concentration.

They were the same words he had read over and over again. The lack of sleep causing a dull ache in his skull.

"You need to take a break love," you said walking over and sitting next to Spencer on the couch.

"I did take one," he argued back flipping through the file.

"Gawking at me before I shower for 2 minutes isn't a break," you said with a giggle, the warmth flooding back to his cheeks, "Cmon 25 minutes at least without a file in your hand. "

When he didn't respond you took matters into your own hands. Ripping the file from his grasp, earning a grumble of disapproval before you straddled his hips. Your arms circled his neck and your hands went straight to the back of his scalp, fingertips running in soothing motions.

"Isn't this so much better baby," you asked whispering in his ear.

He nodded quickly, staying silent as he let his actions speak louder. His large palms went right to your plush hips. Bucking up as he led you to grind yourself on his lap.

Letting his hands explore the material of your satin rope he could feel the lack of undergarments on your frame. Spencer dared to let his hands dip under the black fabric and take each one of your cheeks in the palm of your hand with a gentle squeeze.

You could feel his cock stiffening under you. If you looked down you'd probably be able to see a wet spot on his sweats, most likely a mix of your arousals.

Leaning forward you let your lips attack his neck, placing sloppy kisses sure to leave marks. The process of licking and biting making Spencer hold onto you tighter, almost as if he had his very own vampire to mark him up.

Trailing up to his ear you bit on the lobe before whispering, "Tell me what you need baby."

Lust filled brown orbs met your own as you each continued your steady grind.

"Please fuck me," he pleaded.

If only he knew how wrapped around his finger you were. As pretty as he sounded begging you'd give him anything.

You pulled the metal frames off his face, tossing them to the other side of the couch. He had complained one too many times about foggy glasses during sex. No matter how cute you thought he looked.

Your hands slid down his torso and reached to pull down his sweats. His precum soaked length was heavy in your hands. Pretty pink tip leaky and throbbing already. The first few pumps had whiny moans slipping from his lips, red from biting so hard.

"Unwrap me baby, it's all for you," you said tilting your head down, motioning to the strings holding your robe together.

Quickly he let his slender fingers go to the ends, a swift tug and it was like opening a gift on Christmas. Leaning forward he let his lips wrap around one of your nipples. A strangled moan leaving your mouth from the stimulation.

With a raise of your hips you lined his cock with your opening before sliding down. You both sighed at the same time, the feeling of him stretching you out and your warm walls hugging his length was just too good.

Slowly you rocked your hips testing the waters, soft gasps and curses left your lips. You could feel very vein and inch stuffed inside you.

Spencer on the other hand was having an out of body experience, there wasn't an inch of your skin which was left untouched. Unkissed. After you were settled he raised his hips meeting you halfway with each thrust.

"You're doing so well baby," you cooed down at him, "You love when I ride you hm? Best fucking seat in the house."

His eyes shut closed in pleasure as your pace quickened, "Love it so much. So so pretty," he mumbled out.

His arms pulled you close again. Chest to chest as you continued your movements. Your lips met in a lazy kiss, panting in each others mouths when you ran out of air.

You could feel him pulsating inside you. The iron grip he had on your hips as he helped drive you up and down on his cock was sure to feel sore the next day. His shoulders were sure to have corresponding crescent marks from your nails digging in.

"Touch me Spence m'so close love," you said breathlessly.

One of his hands fell down to the space where you both connected. Skilled fingers rubbing your sensitive bundle of nerves in quick circular motions.

Loud moans escaped your lips. Your head fell back to the familiar junction of his neck and shoulder, biting the skin in order to stifle your noises of pleasure.

"Y/n I can't hold it any longer, please cum with me," he whimpered out.

Nodding your head you grabbed onto the back of his neck, "Right behind you baby. Let go for me, I got you."

With a few more upward thrusts you felt him pull you down onto his cock, warmth spreading in your tummy. The feeling of his seed filling you up and his euphoric groans sent you over the edge.

You both rode out your orgasms, swiveling hips and satisfactory sighs of release leaving your lips.

After a few minutes of content silence listening to the music still flowing through the hall you moved to get up, the sticky mess between your thighs less than comfortable.

Warm arms kept you in place, denying your movement.

"Spence I gotta clean up," you said trying to push yourself off his chest.

"If I remember correctly you said at least 25 minutes and from my calculations I have 3 minutes and 38 seconds left of cuddle time," the lanky man under you said matter of factly.

You rolled your eyes, sighing but resting your head back on his shoulder, "If I get a UTI thats 3 minutes and 38 seconds of me playing screamo in your ear at full volume."

With one last squeeze he kissed the side of your head, the scent of ammonia only sightly bothering him, "Worth it."

[anxiouspandatheatrekid]

✨Ranking of Black Friday songs✨

17- Monsters And Men (Reprise)

Rewatched Black Friday recently while this one is still good, I just feel like McNamara didn't need another song. The ending with the scream overlap is nice though!

16- Wiggly Jingle

Do I need to say anything about this one? I get it's meaning in the context of the show but I shit you not when I first watched Black Friday I was unsure if this one was meant ironic or not. I was a little scared the whole show was going to be like this at first. I don't really like the song itself but the choreography is great!

15- Monsters And Men

Haven't really gotten into this one yet, I realize that it's good but it's just not that catchy to me as of now. The ending is pretty great though.

14- Adore Me

Great acting on Lauren's part. A bit slow for my taste and short but ut was supposed to be longer so I get why they cut it. Also really funny ending. Love the choreography.

13- Califor.M.I.A

Always great when that song starts while your mom is around. Anyways. I like the energy of this one, while the letter part is a little long and I wish the "that's not how cameras work babe" part would have been included on the cast recording, it's still pretty good. Also relatable.

12- Wiggle

I was a little sad that Lauren didn't get any great songs in Black Friday, but I've come to like her songs quite a lot lately. Especially the dance break at the ending of this one is pretty cool. I am not a fan of the stylistic singing choices on Lauren's part if I'm honest but to give her credit the song is pretty much the lowest she has had to sing.

11- Deck The Halls

Really catchy and funny to watch if you've seen way too many Christmas/holiday movies, but I kinda dislike that the entire dialogue was kept on the cast recording. But sidenote, I love the fact that they included this movie so well in the show and also referenced it in NMT. A bop overall and even funnier because of how straight it is played.

10- Made In America

Yes I got into this song not so long ago but Joey is (I know I have said this way too many times on this list) low key terrifying. He did a great job though. Also I skip the Wiggly part because it still feels weird to me. Joey really flexed his wagon on fire muscles here.

9- If I Fail You

I feel like this one is very similar to What Tim Wants, not only because they are sung by the same character and are about the literal same topic, they're also quite similar in melody because the second part is a reprise. Either way, it's a good song (if not a little long). Also considering I love What Tim Wants, to me it gets considerably better when the melody transitions to the second part.

8- What Do You Say

Also a great song. That's it. A little slow but really cute and it has a well timed ending. All the group numbers have a special place in my heart because the cast is so fucking talented. Also this one is very funny too.

7- Our Doors Are Open

Also a little slow for my taste but I love that Corey had a chance to shine here. The more I listen to it the more I appreciate the song.

6- Black Friday

Jesus. There have been many different interpretations of this song, and I still like the overall "I'm going to die, fuck you all" vibe. And while it is about her near death experience and I relate to it for that I think everyone can relate to the hopeless feeling of having to give up before you even had the chance to try something. The song is sad as fuck.

5- Do You Want To Play?

At first I thought this one was boring but the harmonies... Besides the fact that the song deeply terrifies me, I have to say that the part where they suddenly start screaming/laughing (u know the part) is chilling and sounds amazing at the same time.

4- What If Tomorrow Comes

Overall this is a good finale and especially the ending gives me chills every time, but I feel like it repeats itself. Starkid finale songs tend to be very loud and dynamic, but in this case I feel like the seriousness of the show is matched better with a cautious song like this one.

3- Take Me Back

Also listen to this one on repeat. The actors' voices match well and this song has a strong emotional core and yes I have belted this when I was home alone.

2- Feast Or Famine

I mean the hunger games character of this one is just overwhelming. Honestly this song describes the whole show, and it's super fun to listen to.

1- What Tim Wants

I get this is a controversial opinion but this is 100% the best song. I feel like Dylan is great in this one and the relationship between Tim and Tom is delivered perfectly. Usually solos rank low on my lists by default because I like change within the songs and group harmonies and that stuff, which proves how great this song is even more. Love this one, no notes.

Do you agree? Love to chat about Black Friday so feel free to dm/comment!