Aftermath pt 1 (for Sunny)
The house is quieter. Sunny notices it as soon as she steps over the threshold and into her home. A part of her had still expected to find him here, tinkering away with the farm downstatirs or looking through the chests. But no, he’s gone.
She could have gone with Fit, or Philza, or any one of the others who offered, but she couldn’t bare the though of being away from Fobo. What if her Pa did respawn, and she wasn’t there to great him. She thinks if she asked, someone would have stayed with her at Fobo, but that also felt wrong; to make someone leave their own home just because she was upset.
As Sunny makes her way down the latter, a sound captures her attention. She immediately clocks that it’s coming from the direction of her father’s room, and hope starts blooming in her chest.
When she spots Leo, coming out her own fathers room, Sunny’s stomach sinks once again. In her numbness, Sunny had forgotten about the fact that Fobo was not just where she lived. Leo must notice something is off because her eyebrows knit in confusion at the sight of Sunny
“Qué pasó,” She asks as she comes closer.
“I-” Sunny hesitates, unsure how to answer. “My Pa went away.”
She’s not sure what she expects Leo to do, maybe apolagize like the others have done. Instead Leo just nods. “el volverá”
“You don’t know that,”and Sunny can hear her own voice, she knows she sounds accusatory. She expects Leo to fall back into the way things have been, for them to start fighting. A small part of her welcomes the idea, something to distracts her.
Leo doesn’t take the bait though, so Sunny tries again. “It’s not like you other dad has come back.”
And for a moment, Sunny succeeds. Anger takes over Leo’s features, her eyes narrowing and jaw tensing. Then Leo looks Sunny up and down, and takes a deep breath. On the exhale her features relax back to normal
Sunny lets out a shriek and stomps her foot and she can feel the tears welling up in her eyes. Why isn’t anything going right today.
“Quieres salir de aquí?” The question throws Sunny off.
“And go where?” She asks.
Leo shrugs, “montar a caballo?”
“You want to go ride horse?” Sunny says, disbelive coating her words. “Right now?”
Leo puts her hands in front of her as a way to signal defeat and then begins to turn around.
“Wait-” Sunny calls out. She may not know why Leo wants to ride horses of all things, but she doesn’t want to be alone. “Let’s go
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Giving the black brothers the authentic sibling experience:
Sirius: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Regulus: having a drink...?
Sirius, taking the glass off him and guiding him to a seat: you've already had two, you're way too young to be drinking this much, your liver will up and leave your goddamn body
Regulus: you were doing this at fourteen, I am quite literally twenty
Sirius, convinced he's still thirteen: ......I don't think you are, Lulu
Regulus: firstly, that stupid name has been overused since we were ten, secondly, you're twenty-two, so do the maths.
Sirius: *calls narcissa* important question, how old is regs
Narcissa: twenty
Sirius: *staring at him in horror* ew
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what if... what if MC was there atop the Statue of Liberty with the rest of the team?
and instead of Erik pointing Logan's claws towards himself, he pointed them into you...?
and he had to make a choice between hurting you and saving Marie or keeping you safe and letting Erik enact his plan...
What if Erik forced Logan to choose between saving you or saving Marie?
What if he chooses Marie?
Or worse still...
What if he chooses you?
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i think this is the most genuine emotion we've seen from nikolai ever. and the fact he seems unsure about how he's feeling, how it's seemingly contradicting, imo works really well with his character
he's all about saying things that contradict each other and imo, there is always some truth to both sides of what he says
so. here. i think some part of him was happy to be free of his only bond... but then it got overtaken with the part of him that realizes this bond wasn't. like. as constricting as he first thought
it seems that at the end of it all he somehow even WANTED to get that bond running deeper. imo, it was to feed both sides of him - the side that wants to be free can't actually prove his free will if they weren't that close in the first place, they barely interacted before, it's almost like killing any other person. on the other hand, he also genuinely likes fyodor and wants to be closer bc well. he is "perfectly sane". he is, underneath it all, still a person deep down, as much as he might hate that.
when fyodor threatens to take him out in the future he doesn't seem scared, but he also doesn't seem particularly excited i think? (or maybe that's just how he expresses his genuine, non-performative excitement, who knows.) at the same time, he also doesn't seem to want to kill him now, to follow him, like he's keeping it for that new game he was just promised
but then fyodor dies. and he won't get a chance to play it. and in a way, that takes from his freedom too, isn't it? his freedom to choose how his bond with fyodor will be. in a way, fyodor dying took away from his free will.
i truly believe nikolai is. maybe not selfish but certainly self-centered or self-serving enough to be sad over, and forgive me for this analogy, his toy getting broken. I'm certain he's also genuinely sad about his only friend dying, and so gruesomely too, but i wouldn't be surprised if at his core this is what makes him this sad. and i think that also leads to his conflicting emotions about fyodor's death
i also think that thing dazai pointed out about fyodor's lack of trust plays a part in nikolai's grief here. to him, fyodor is the only one who understood him, the only one who made him feel seen, and as far as we know the only person who was important to him. but he probably knew the feeling wasn't mutual. still, this was the nail in the coffin, confirming fyodor never saw him as a friend as well, not even as an ally.
i don't have an actual conclusion here, just speculation on nikolai's internal turmoil and how he might feel now. i really hope (and expect) we will see him again, and i wonder if this event will change anything about him.
i speculated in the past that his eye cover is a symbol of his bond with fyodor. and today, he took it off after fyodor died. i wonder, if the next time we see nikolai, he will still wear it or not (or possibly wear a new one). i guess we'll see!
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