#got a little nervous there when she was in the OB pack

[strikerez]

Canon trans Leshwi!!! The gays have won today!!!

[thelittleboyfromloveactually]

Surprise?

Benny Watts x reader

Promt: When Benny leaves for a work trip, you find yourself feeling sick. And after a trip to the doctors your relationship with Benny is tested, will the two of you continue and have a future together? Or will this “surprise” ruin you both forever?

Warnings: Cussing, throwing up, ANGST, fluff

authors note: Here it isss!!!! FINALLY! I’m so sorry for the delay! Also, ok so kinda off topic but i am going to write a series for an actor (actor masterlist), tell me who you guys want it to be for :) Enjoy the fic!

When you where 12 years old you fell in love with chess. You didn’t grow up rich so chess and reading books was your favorite way to pass the time. Chess was like a safe space for you, when your parents would fight, you would go into your room and play chess. You were amazing at it, you entered one tournament went you where 15 and you beat everyone there. But nothing much came of it, you couldn’t really afford to spend hours a day practicing and as you got older your life became more and more busy and complicated. When you were 14 years old your older brother died of a drug over dose and only 3 years later your mom died of stage 4 breast cancer. You and your dad weren’t close, infact once you where old enough to move out, you never really spoke to him again. He was a drunk and a abusive father. But now you were your own person, you were a reporter, a chess reporter.

On your first assignment you met Benny, Benny Watts. He was a charmer, he let you interview him and then the next day he caught you before you checked out of the hotel to ask to take you out sometime. That was 2 years ago. Now you lived with Benny, he wasn’t always the best boyfriend, but you knew he cared. Every once in a while he would buy you something nice or take you out to dinner. You often traveled with Benny to his tournaments, but lately you hadn’t been able too. You were up for a big promotion at work and you weren’t able to travel.

Currently Benny was sitting in the small living room playing a game of chess against himself. He didn’t know of your skill, and it didn’t bother you. Sometimes when he was away you would secretly play some games against yourself. Chess was Bennys thing, and you were ok with that. You were reading Emma by Jane Austen on the couch. It was one of your favorite novels. You flickered your eyes away from the pages to look at Benny, he was very focused on the game. You sighed, it was getting late and you still needed to start dinner.

“Hey Benny, what do you feel like for dinner? I’m kinda hungry” you said putting your book mark in and closing your book.

“Um I don’t care” he said blankly, not even looking away from the board

“Uh ok well how about som-“ you were cut off

“I said I didn’t care Y/N, you eat now I’ll snack on something later” he said firmly

You nodded not daring to say more. You stood up and started to chop some carrots when suddenly the phone rang.

“I’ll get it” you said drying your hands and walking over

“Hello?” You said

“Is this Benny Watts?” The man on the phone asked

“Um no this is his um, girlfriend, would you like me to get him for you?” You asked looking over at Benny

“Yes please, thank you” the man said

“Uh Benny it’s for you” he stood up and grabbed the phone from your hands, you went back to your cooking.

You didn’t really listen to the conversation they were having, probably some interview set up or something. You heard Benny put the phone down

“I have to get packing Y/N, I have to leave for a tournament tomorrow” he said headed toward his room

“Oh ok, do you need help?” You asked sweetly, you really wanted to ask why he found out so late but you didn’t want to bother him

“No” he said plainly, you nodded your head in response and continued on with your task at hand.

The next morning both you and Benny got up early, you wanted to say goodbye to him. You walked Benny to the door and handed him his bags. He kissed you on the cheek

“I’ll be back soon, love you” he said turning to the cab behind him

“Love you too, Benny” you smiled

He got in the cab and drove off.

The rest of your day was mostly just catching up on work. It was Sunday so you didn’t actually have to go in.

You were sitting at the small table in your living room when suddenly you felt the need to throw up. You stood up and threw your hand over your mouth as you quickly ran to the bathroom. You made it just in time to barf your guts out into the toilet. You were there for about 5 minutes, hovering over the toilet throwing up when finally your stomach settled down a little. You growned and stood up, tapping your arms around to stomach and dragging yourself into your bed. Of course you had to get sick when Benny was going to be gone for a week. You sighed and crawled under the covers. It was only 3 minutes before you were sound asleep.

You woke up around 3 in the morning with a sudden need to throw up AGAIN. You ran to the toilet. Jesus why was wrong with you, you had a great immune system and hardly ever got even a cold. As you lay on the bathroom floor you wouldn’t help but think about all the possibilities. Then you realized something. When was the last time you had gotten your period?! You stood up and went to your purse to grab your planner. 7 weeks ago was the last time you saw the red drop of blood that you had drawn to mark the start of your period. You were 3 weeks late. 3 fucking weeks late, how did could I not have noticed this?! You thought to yourself, you quickly went over to the phone and called your friend, praying she was home. As the phone wrang you tried to thing of the last time you had had sex with Benny. You had been so busy and Benny was traveling that it was probably a month ago! You cursed under your breath when she didn’t pick up. You dialed the number of your doctor and waited patiently. You tried to calm yourself down, you needed to make an appointment, then you would know for sure. Then you heard a voice from the other side of the line.

“Hello? Doctor Peterson’s office, how can I help you?” The lady asked

“Oh hi! I’m uh I need to make an appointment, preferably tomorrow, to see Dr. Peterson?” You asked passing back in forth

“We have an opening at 8:30am if you are willing to come then?” She asked

“YES! Yes of course thank you! I will be there!” You said excitedly, or you were nervous, you could exactly tell. You gave her your information and thanked her again. You hung up and started to diale bennys hotel number, but you stopped yourself. He’s probably busy, and I may not even be pregnant, you thought. You sighed and went to sit on the couch, but what if I am, you thought.

Shit. In your hand were your official results, saying that you were in fact pregnant.

“I have great news hun! You're 7 weeks pregnant! Congratulations!!!” Your OB/GYN said

“Uh t-thank you” you weren’t sure why she was so excited, it’s not like you wanted to be pregnant

“Who’s the father?” Geez personal much

“Uh my boyfriend, Benny” you said taking the paper she held out to you

“Well I hope you two the best” she smiled

You folded the paper and put it in your bag and started the car. The entire way home you brain was clouded by one single thought. How where you going to tell Benny. You loved him with all your heart but would he be able to handle this. He barely spends time with you as it is, and with a young child? You would practically raise it by yourself. After a short car ride you arrived at your small house. That was another problem, did you have room for a baby? Could you afford a baby?

After hours of debating and throwing up you decided not to tell Benny just yet. You wanted him to be here in person when you tell him. You were scared and angry. You decided that you would give Benny a choice. All or nothing. You needed to be sure that he still cared for you more than chess and himself. That he too would be a present parent to your child. And if not, then your mother had a guest room and welcoming arms.

Today was the day. The day Benny would be told he was going to be a father. You had cleaned the house so he could come home and not stress. Not that cleaning ever stressed him out. You sat on the couch anxiously awaiting his arrival. Were you nervous? Yes, very. As much dread as you held in you, you also couldn’t help but feel a sense of curiosity, of suspense. You loved Benny and would never want to leave him. But you had to do what was best for you, best for the baby.

You were taken out of your thoughts when the door opened, Benny stepping through it.

“Y/N? I’m home” he said, lucky for you he sounded pretty cheery. It was quite obvious he had won. By now it was almost a guarantee. He put his luggage down and looked around for you, and he smiled when he laid his eyes on you. “Hey” he said walking over to wrap his arms around you

“Hi Benny” you said smiling sweetly, he gave you a quick peck on the lips before letting go of you and heading to sit by his chess board. Of course.

“The guys almost beat me, I’m gonna run the game. He was smart but I was smarter.” Benny said taking off his coat

“I’m actually Benny, there is something I need to tell you” you said now fidgeting with you fingers

“Can it wait Y/N? This is really important” he said already replaying the game

You sighed, “actually it can’t wait Benny, what I have to tell you is really important” you said mimicking him

“Fine but make it quite ok? I’ve got games to go over and my coffee is wearing off” he said turning to you

You were getting angry at how rude he was suddenly, “do you love me?” You asked

Bennys eyes widened, surprised by your sudden question, “of course I love you Y/N” he said

“Well sometimes Benny….sometimes it doesn’t seem like it. You hardly touch me anymore. You never leave the chess board! You are so...so distant! Benny I love you so much! But I wish I could have that love in return. You love the game! I get it! I did once too! But the game doesn't love you! Sure maybe it favors you, but it’s a game Benny! A game! Not a person! Not a baby who needs attention! Don’t get me wrong I love seeing you pursue your dreams so much! It makes me so happy! But it doesn't seem like a dream anymore Benny, it seems like an addiction.” You paused trying to catch your breath and calm yourself down, Bennys face was still. “Benny I’m pregnant, with your kid. And I love you so much, but I can’t raise this kid by myself, it needs its dad to be there, I need its dad to be there. You need to choose Benny, no more halfway in, you're in or you're out. I need to do what’s going to be best for the baby, I hope you can too” you left it at that, heading toward the door and leaving the house. Leaving Benny. Not forever, but leaving him to think about all that you said.

Bennys POV

I stood there. I heard the door shut. What just happened? Did she say she was pregnant? Shit. I was confused to say the least. I never thought be being a great chess player bothered Y/N. Fuck what have I done? I can give up chess. But then again, I can’t give up Y/N. I guess maybe I’m not the best boyfriend, but I need her. She keeps me as close to sane as I can be. I don’t know what I would do without her. I plopped down on the couch and ran my fingers through my hair. I messed up. I should have been there. I know it should have. Dammit. As much as I hate it Y/N was right. Of course she was, she always is. I love chess but I am addicted to winning. And that makes me distant and rude. Fuuuuuck. I grabbed my hat and ran toward the door. I knew where Y/N was going. She always went there when we fought. She was going to where I took her on our first date.

Normal POV

The string lights shone above your head as you walked through the park. Your cheeks were wet from tears. You loved the park at night. It was so….peaceful. The lights allowed you to still see the gorgeous garden flowers that were planted everywhere. The first time you ever kissed Benny was here, in this park. You had gone to this park for a picnic. He had set up flowers, treats and surprisingly very good food that Benny supposedly made. You ate and talked for hours until it got dark. After you put the food away you took a stroll in the park which ended at a bench, the beach under the cherry tree. It bloomed every spring and it was gorgeous. The two of you had sat down on the bench, Benny grabbed your hand and smiled at you, and two seconds later, your lips were connected. Moving in perfect sync. That was then. Now you sat on the bench crying, hoping that Benny would choose to be a dad for your child.

You sat on that bench for 10 minutes, contemplating your life desisions when suddenly you heard foot steps behind you. You turned your head slightly to see Benny walking over, holding his hat in his hand.

You sighed in relief, but then to be out in stress avian when you realized he could be here to say goodbye.

“I’m sorry” he said moving to sit next to you

You tried not to look at him, you avoided eye contact.

“I’m really fucking sorry, Y/N” he said “I-I know I have been distracted and distant and rude and I am sorry. I love you, all of you, including this baby. It’s gonna take time ok? But your gotta let me try, I will make every thing right. I will ok? I promise. I love you Y/N, forever. When you left i realized how much I need you, I don’t think I can live without you. Your my home, my rock, my best friend and the love of my life. I know It doesn’t always seem like that but you are. I’m it good with love and stuff so give me some time to figure it out. But I will be here, I will help you raise this kid…..our kid. I’m all in, forever” he said putting his hand on top of mine. I looked up at him finally, and he turned his head to look at me. And then we kissed, just like our first kiss, but more needy, more passionate, full of love, guilt, and want.

“I love you too Benny” I said smiling

We both let out a laugh and our lips connected again.

4 years later

“Daddy daddy look! I drew your chess board!!! And I can name all the pieces!” Hudson said

“That’s amazing buddy! Show me your skills!” Benny said as Hudson sat on his lap

��That’s a rook, that’s a knight, that’s a bishop, that’s a queen, and then the king, and then the bishop, knight and rook again!” He said pointing to each one

“Great job!!! Soon you're going to be a grandmaster!” Benny said kissing his forehead

You smiled as you watched your son, Hudson chess Watts, yes Benny decided on Chess as his middle name, and your husband smile and play together. You found it incredibly adorable that Benny was already teaching Hudson to play chess. Sometimes you even played. Benny looked up at you and smiled, you smiled back. Benny came around in the end, and is the best husband and father to Hudson that you could have asked for. You were happy with your life. So freaking happy. You had your boys. Who knew that such and unwanted surprise could bring such needed happiness.

[heyitsmerose]

Ateez Reaction to their s/o having pmdd (Maknae Line)

PMDD - (Premenstrual dysphoric disorder) Is a menstrual disorder that many women have that causes extremely painful period cramps, nauseousness, sever mood swings and is overall quite frustrating to deal with. I am writing this imagine from my experience of pmdd, however remember everyone’s body is different, and in no way do I want to generalise any illness. Okay thank you, happy reading! :)

Word Count: 2.5k

Mature Language*

Smut content

San: 

It was a normal day at the dorm, and you and San hadn’t seen each other in a while. Deciding to pay him a visit, you made your way to their dorm to surprise him. You packed some dinner and made your way to the dorm. Upon reaching, you were greeted by Seonghwa and Hongjoong, who were also at the dorm at the time, the rest had gone out, either to practice, or just to do something else. You entered San’s room and sat on his bed waiting for him. He was in the washroom taking a bath, and so you just simply waited for a bit. 

About 10 minutes later, San emerged from the washroom with nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist. Once he saw you asleep on the bed, he chuckled and got changed as quietly as possible, trying not to wake you up. After he was done, he decided to sit next to you wake you up gently.

“Babe, it’s me, wake up now please, I wanna see youu” He whined. You readjusted in the bed and got up feeling a little dazed.

You got up and just observed him. The way he was smiling so lovingly at you, the way he had both arms under you, holding the small of your back, lifting you up, his sweet yet husky scent, the way his wet hair was pushed back, the way the thin black fabric of his full sleeved button up allowed you to see all his defined muscles, and you couldn’t help but think about how perfect he was. Still in a daze, you just whispered a hello, and being the affectionate person San was, he immediately took you in his lap and sat you down facing him. He tucked a piece of your hair behind your ear and you hugged him tighter. You hid your face in his chest as you tried to work out and process these weird emotions. You felt bubbly and weird, with a lump forming in your throat. 

“Hey, look at me hun!” He teased, laughing and giggling, while lifting your chin up. He pressed a kiss to your nose and that sent you off the edge. Soon, warm tears started pouring out your eyes and you couldn’t form any words. 

“Y/N, Y/N, Babe, are you alright, did I hurt you?” He panicked taking your face in both of his hands. You couldn’t get any words out and simply sobbed. You didn’t know what you were feeling and why you were feeling these feelings and tried to stop, but to no avail.

“I-, I-,” You tried getting out, but unable to take in enough air, you weren’t able to speak. 

“Hey, hey, hey, Y/N, take it easy, breath in and breath out, I’m sorry if I did something to upset you.” He pouted and looked at you.

“No!” You suddenly interrupted taking him by surprise 

“I just love you so much, and I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I’m an emotional mess, why are you so perfecttt” You rambled, whining your words at the end, and crying again. By this point you had gotten the attention of Hongjoong and Seonghwa too, and they were watching the both of you secretly through the doorway.

“Wait, what?” San asked a little confused.

“I said you’re so perfect, you’re just so fucking amazing and you make me feel these emotions that I’ve never felt before, I just feel so lucky and happy that you’re mine, it’s overwhelming.” You said finally, getting that off your chest. 

“Well, I love you too Y/N, and I bet I love you more” he said with his eyes full of tears too. It was overwhelming to him too, how much you loved and valued him.

“Yah, San-ah I’m on my period I’m allowed to act all sappy and moody, you’re nott” You both chuckled and laughed at each other.

“Well, what can I do, I just love you so much” he replied and you wiped his tears. You heard whistles from the doorway and knew it was Hongjoong and Seonghwa. 

You stayed as close to each other as possible for the rest of the evening, not even leaving one another to go anywhere.

Mingi: 

You were on your period and Mingi was well aware of it. A few days before your period you always felt a little needy, and by now Mingi was used to your mood swings and weird behaviour. What he didn’t anticipate however, was you having pmdd. Neither did you. He’s had girlfriends before, and although he didn’t mean to compare, he noticed your symptoms were a little more extreme compared to everyone else. In fact, he was the one that suggested you go to the doctor, and thus here you were.

You had come to the OB/GYN with your boyfriend Mingi, since he was concerned for you. You always went through this, and been doing so for the past 10 years, so you didn’t think much of it. However when Mingi once came across you throwing up and crying in pain, he knew something was wrong. He found that you had been hiding your symptoms to not bother him. As you had expected, the second he found out, he freaked out and booked an appointment with the doctor. At the moment, you were answering a few questions about your symptoms and were surprised to find that every single symptom matched yours. You just assumed that everyone went through this every month, apparently not. You were starting to get worried. What if you weren’t normal, what if there was actually something really wrong with you. You interlaced your fingers with Mingi, and filled out the rest of the forms, describing your symptoms to the nurse. The nurse noted down your symptoms, sighed and left the room. You started biting your nails and bouncing your knee, your were getting nervous.

“Hey, Y/N” Mingi called to you lovingly “What’s wrong, you seem nervous”

“Mingi, what if it’s something serious, like what if I have cancer or something?” You suddenly blurted out. Mingi frowned and took both your hands in his.

“Hey, don’t say that, for all we know, it could be normal and you would just need a few meds, I promise It won’t be as bad as you think” He assured you, but inside he was just as nervous and scared, if not, maybe even a little more than you.

A few minutes later, the nurse arrived inside the room with your results printed on a piece of paper. She handed it to you, and you read through it while also trying to pay attention to what she was saying.

“Miss, Y/N, you most likely have, what’s known as Premenstrual dysphoric disorder. Its similar to PMS but is a little more severe. It won’t cause too much trouble to your life however we’d suggest taking birth control to help reduce the symptoms slightly” She suggested looking at the both of you. She proceeded to leave to room to give you both some space. You looked up at Mingi, and he smiled back down at you.

“See, it’s nothing too serious, besides, birth control gives us an excuse to have more sex” He laughed at you while you playfully shoved him.

You were thankful to have such a caring boyfriend like Mingi, who always looked out for you. For the months and years to come, he always made sure you took your medicines and eased the pain and helped in whatever way he could. 

Wooyoung:

You and Wooyoung were such a power couple. Both of you being complete crackheads, there was not one day that was boring in your relationship. You always knew how to match each others energy and took risks together. That’s what you loved about him, his ability to keep up with your crazy personality. In fact, it’s quite cheesy, but you truly completed each other, he knew you inside and out and you knew him completely too. 

You had come out to a restaurant to just spend some time with one another and were enjoying each other’s company. It was rare to have moments like these, where it was just the both of you, and you loved spending time with each other.

You were halfway through dinner, eating your appetisers, when all of a sudden, you felt a wet feeling down your leg. You cursed realising you could have potentially leaked out of your tampon, and excused yourself to go use the washroom. Once you left, you quickly wobbled to a stall and pulled your underwear down to check. As you predicted, you had in fact leaked, but it was worse than you thought. The bottom of your dress was completely stained red, and your underwear was completely soaked in blood. You tampon was lost somewhere in the red ocean of blood and you had no clue what to do. You realised you left your phone on the table, so you couldn’t do anything. You sat on the toilet, with nothing to do just contemplating what you should do next. 

Meanwhile, Wooyoung was just waiting for you on the table itself. After around 20 minutes passed, he started to get worried and checked his phone to see check if he got any messages from you. He then glanced to your side and noticed your phone still there on the table. Looking back at his phone he checked the time... and the date. Cursing to himself quietly, he realised that it was that time of the month, and knowing you had pmdd, he knew something must have probably happened. Without another thought, he ran to the washroom slamming the door open.

“Y/N? Babe? are you there?” You heard Wooyoungs voice call out. 

“Wooyoung? Thank god, I’m like stuck here and I don’t know what to do.” You said relieved that he finally noticed you were gone. 

“Okay, no one’s here in the washroom, I’m locking the washroom door, could you open your stall door?” You obliged and opened your stall door, greeting him with a bunch of blood on the floor and completely destroyed underwear. He snickered at your situation began removing him pants.

“Woo, what the fuck are you doing?” You asked him thinking he was going crazy.

“Calm down, just take my boxers and like wrap them in some tissue paper, it should work as a makeshift pad. Also I’ll give you my denim jacket, just tie it around your waist or something” He said removing his underwear. You quickly agreed and wore his underwear after stuffing it with tissue paper. He then gave you his jacket and you wrapped it around your waist. He pulled back up his pants, threw your underwear in the dustbin and cleaned up after you. You were in that point of your relationship where both of you were completely comfortable with eachother, so this was nothing major. Once he was done and walked in front of you, you took the opportunity to smack his ass. 

“Wow, maybe you should just not wear underwear” You laughed at him

“Very funny” He sarcastically responded back. 

Jonho:

You were at Jongho’s place and were just laying on his bed. You both had been dating for not too long, around 1 month at max, and you still always felt a little uncomfortable, or rather self conscious and insecure around him. Besides, he was everyones dream guy, with a voice sweeter than honey and not to mentioned those muscles, while you were just, you. You tried your best to always act as nice and proper as you could, and still hadn’t completely opened up to him yet. Jongho on the other hand, was falling for you, hard. He was absolutely smitten and no other person had ever made him feel this way. He loved when you visited as you got to spend time with each other.

You were just on your phone, while he was downstairs getting something to eat. You popped a breath mint in your mouth, and readjusted your position to get more comfortable. After laying there for a few minutes, Jongho came back with some strawberries and chocolate, the perfect, lowkey yet romantic food ever. You made sure to eat them slowly and properly, too scared you’d scare him away by scarfing them down. Jongho on the other had, had no problem eating them quickly. You just laughed at him and looked at him lovingly. He noticed you staring at him and a bright smile spread across his face. Wanting to get a little closer, he took the first step and decided to pull you closer to him by your waist. You jumped a little at the movement, but soon scooted towards him, and laid your head on his shoulder. Trying to ease the tension and make the situation a little less awkward, Jongho put his hand on the bed, around you. What he didn’t anticipate however was for there to be a wet spot, of blood. He quickly peeked behind you and saw a giant spot of blood, where you were sitting before. Not wanting to embarrass you, he calmly said...

“Hey, Y/N, you seem to have had a little accident, don’t worry, I’ll clean it up, I have a hoodie you can wear, and you can borrow my boxers too, if you’d like. I’ll just get some pads from the nearby pharmacy too, just a sec” He said smiling at you and getting up. However for you, this was your worst nightmare. 

“Wait what?” You looked to your side to see a giant red patch of blood on his light blue sheets. You gasped and to your horror, he had already gotten up pulling the bedsheets off. 

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry, I’ll deal with it, please come back in a few minutes or something, I don’t want you to see me like this, please” You begged him tears leaving your eyes from panic and embarrassment. He didn’t move however, continuing on with what he was doing.

“No, no, no, Jongho, please, this is so embarrassing, please, I’ll clean it up” You said, your voice cracking multiple times. Jongho immediately left what he was doing and walked to you holding your chin with his fingers.

“Hey, hey, hey Y/N, you have no reason to be embarrassed, this is natural and I love you, it’s alright.” He said, not realising the impact of his words

“You love me?” You asked clarifying, maybe your ears had deceived you.

“Um, well, yeah-” He said stuttering a blush growing on his cheeks. You took the opportunity and for the first time in your relationship, you kissed him softly and responded...

“I love you too”

[snusbandxknifewife]

How We Got Here/Where We’re Going

Hello yes hi! I am proud to introduce my gift for the lovely and amazing Tess, @clockworkgraystairs ! This started out as a wedding fic, but I couldn’t get it to work right until I was giving @wanderingpages her regularly scheduled Mayari update and saw her asynchronous pregnancy au and was like “!!!!!Holy shit that’s it.” So, without much further ado, I present the beginning of “How We Got Here/Where We’re Going”, an all human, modern au where Cardan and Jude have been a thing since college, ended up getting pregnant and having a daughter and marrying in their late 20s. Now it’s their honeymoon and they’re looking backwards at their past and forward towards their future.

~~~~~~~

Outside, fluffy grey clouds hung over a soft blanket of snow, masking any sound that might’ve accompanied the rising of the sun. Her bed was soft, her sheets warm, her room quiet. Jude couldn’t quite figure out what woke her up. Then, as she stretched out, her fingers hungrily searching as she fought sleep, she realized what it was: Cardan was missing.

Sitting up, her eyes bleary and drool dried on her cheek, she pouted. When she remembered that she didn’t have a stitch of clothing on—and that, plus a snowy log cabin, makes for freezing nips—she grumbled and burrowed back into the comforter.

Oh to have been a fly on the wall in the little cabin bedroom as Jude Greenbriar tumbled around in her nest of blankets, dragging them with her to grab underwear and pajamas and socks and fighting to avoid any cold air as she dressed. Cussing and tripping as she went, Jude scowled into nothing and cursed her fiancé—

Wait. Husband. It’s husband now.

—she cursed her husband for abandoning her to the elements and taking his space heater of a body with him when he went.

Jude wrapped herself up in her ball of bedding and went out the door, now awake enough to listen for movement in the small cabin. A pot clanged from the downstairs kitchen and her husband yelped and she smirked.

That’s what you get, loser.

As Jude walked down the stairs, she couldn’t miss the chaos of the living room. Most of their suitcases were still packed up and set by the fireplace, their skis and snow jackets barely made it in the door, and their wedding clothes were strewn haphazardly across the sofa. She was honestly impressed that they’d made it inside the house.

Just as she made it to the bottom of the stairs and headed towards the sofa to run her hand over her wedding dress, she heard something that made her stop.

“—And how should I know? Honestly Nic I’m not even sure how to bring it up to her,” Cardan sighed from within the kitchen, bustling around like he was making breakfast. “I think it might be good for us. Still, with how everything went when we had Faye, I don’t want to pressure her.”

She couldn’t help but frown in concern as her mind flitted back through everything she could remember about their first daughter and her pregnancy. From the confusion of her missed period to the worry as they waited on the test to the way Cardan’s eyes had lit up when the Ob/Gyn told them they were having a little girl.

What on earth would Nicasia be talking to him about?

Jude tried to tell herself that it was obvious, Nicasia was only days away from popping, and her pregnancy had been a bit of a nightmare. Maybe she was just nervous? But, then again, why ask Cardan about giving birth? Jude had been the one who carried Faye and, far more importantly, Nicasia’s own wife, Taryn, had already had a child herself.

Completely ignoring the fact that calling a man away from his wife on his honeymoon was probably in poor taste, but she digressed.

She kept herself as still as possible, angling her head so she could hear better.

“Yes, I know that, Nic,” he let out a little frustrated laugh, and Jude could just picture the way he would be pinching the bridge of his nose. “But Faye will be starting school soon and that’ll be a circus in it of itself, never mind adding on the stress that this would.”

He went quiet again and Jude crept back towards the stairs, hoping he wouldn’t walk through the kitchen door and catch her spying.

“I know you and Taryn want the little man to have a friend, but you remember how tough it was for Jude our first go round.”

Oh.

Jude’s hand flew to her belly and she had to jump to catch the falling blankets before they made a sound and alerted her new husband.

So she wasn’t the only one who was getting suggestions about expanding the family.

It made sense, everyone had been talking to Jude about the idea as the wedding had gotten closer. Oriana had been completely starry eyed ever since Taryn’s firstborn, Rosemary, had graced them with her presence. In fact, their stepmother had barely batted an eyelash at Jude’s worries when she’d fallen pregnant during college, she was far too excited at the idea of another grand baby. Madoc had gotten past the shock and the disdain for Cardan enough to be hounding them for a grandson. Taryn thought having cousins the same age made for perfect best friends. It was a mess.

Sure, Nicasia being pregnant had bought them a little respite, but she could go into labor literally any minute, so there went that.

Jude rolled her eyes and began loudly making her way down the stairs again, giving her husband fair warning this time as she walked through the living room and towards the kitchen.

“Hold on, here she comes,” he whispered, low enough that he likely thought she couldn’t hear. Then, she hit the kitchen door with her mobile blanket fort and he spun around with a: “hey Hot Mama!”

“Stop calling me that, you dork,” she made a face, instantly regretting her decision not to sneak up and scare him.

He’s stood there by the stove, wearing nothing but his low-slung flannel pajama pants and grinning at her like an idiot as he leaned back against the counter. She refused to let her sneer fall, only growing more annoyed at how he could walk around half naked in such a freezing house.

“Huh?” He must’ve forgotten he was talking to Nicasia because he seemed surprised when she began speaking on the other end of the phone. “Oh, yeah, Jude’s finally awake. Y’know I kept her up last night, heyo.”

Jude let out a disgusted groan and he just started to laugh, giving her an exaggerated wink and thrusting his hips forward in a way that absolutely did not put butterflies in her stomach, thank you very much.

He tilted his head, listening to Nicasia for a moment before finally giving up. “Here I’ll put her on speaker.”

“Hey Nic!” Jude smiled, finally dropping her pretenses and walking over to give Cardan a big, blankety hug and morning kiss. “How did Faye do last night?”

“She was great! Didn’t get up until about seven this morning. Of course the little man already had me up, fuckin’ kid always sitting on my bladder,” Nicasia griped through the phone and Jude snorted. “I don’t know how you and Taryn both did this it sucks.”

“Yeah, but the payoff is really cute,” she shrugged, leaning her head against Cardan’s collarbone. “Especially when they have your nose or your eyes or they start saying how much they love their Mommy.”

“Is Rosemary ready for baby?” Cardan asked as he wrapped his arm around his blanket bundle of a wife.

“You know how she gets, she’s super attached to her moms. Well have to see once Taryn and I actually bring him home.”

“I’m sure she’ll be a great big sister, she’s always been wonderful to Faye,” Jude offered, smiling as her husband pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “She was very sweet when Faye was a baby.”

“She was three then. Seven-year-olds have much bigger personalities.” Nicasia sounded exhausted, more exhausted than a normal pregnant person would be and Jude worried at her lip.

While they hadn’t always been the closest, she and Nicasia had grown into a really solid friendship ever since the other woman had begun dating Jude’s sister, and she didn’t like to see her struggling. Nic had been a huge help in Jude’s own life and relationship, she’d been an amazing friend to Cardan, she didn’t deserve anything but the best, happiest transition to a family of four.

“Well she takes after her mother.”

“What’s that supposed to mean, Jackass?” Nicasia laughed at Cardan, her voice sounding like the tension broke a little.

Jude opened her mouth to give some word of advice or make some statement about how sure she was that it would be ok, but got cut off by the sound of commotion on the other end of the phone.

“What? Oh, yes Faerie-Faye it’s Mommy and Daddy,” Nic said, sounding far away from the phone. “Of course you can darling, here you go.”

Jude’s heart swelled and tears unexpectedly pricked at the back of her eyes as their daughter fumbled with the phone. She felt guilty, having forgotten for a moment that they were on their honeymoon without Faye. It was their first trip alone since her birth, and they’d both been on pins and needles when they’d said goodbye to her at the reception hall last night.

“Mommy?” Faye’s voice, tiny and soft like the twinkling of a wind chime, came through the phone. “Hello?”

“Hey little elf! How are you? Mommy misses you so much,” she gushed, reaching out and taking the phone from her husband in a mindless attempt to feel physically closer to her daughter. “Have you been good for Aunty Taryn and Aunt Nicky?”

Jude listened attentively as her four-year-old prattled on about everything she’d done since she left the reception hall with her aunts and cousin last night. To hear her tell it, Faye had had a great time. While it made her happy, Jude also found herself a little sad at the idea that her baby girl was doing so well without mom.

“And Daddy, Aunt Nicky let me touch her tummy when baby cousin kicked!”

“Were you gentle, Princess?” Cardan asked. He always called their daughter Princess, had since the first moment he’d held her in his arms. “Remember what we’ve said about soft hands.”

“Yes Daddy I used soft hands and nice words!”

“That’s my girl,” he said, that proud grin he always got whenever Faye listened to them plastering itself across his face.

The phone fell away and they heard some distant talking before their daughter was back on.

“Ok Mommy and Daddy, Rosemary is awake and we’re playing Rome. I love you, bye-bye!”

And she was gone before either of them could say another word, likely dropping her Aunt’s phone on the floor, if history could serve as a teacher. Jude tried not to let it hurt too much, she knew how seriously Faye took Rome—her word for the pretend gladiator-style tournaments her and her cousin put on. On any other day she’d be slightly smug at how well her kid swung a sword, but today she was away from her daughter and it really sucked.

“Sorry about that, I’ll make sure she stays on longer tonight,” Nicasia promised before either of them said anything. “But you know gladiator is a serious time in our house.”

“Oh to be sure. My wife is raising a little killer.”

“Looks like it runs in the family,” she laughed back. “Listen I’ll let you to go do gross honeymoon shit. Love you both, I’ll let you know if baby boy makes an early appearance.”

“Love you too, tell Faye we love her,” Cardan said, taking his phone back when she ended the call.

And, just that quickly, the little cabin in the snow-laden forest was silent again. Jude in her mountain of covers looked up at her new husband, her pout from earlier back as she tried not to cry.

“Awe, don’t do that to me Mama Bear; you know she misses you,” he frowned, pulling her close and kissing her temple.

“She’s my baby Cardan,” Jude whined, her voice muffled against his chest. “When did Rome become more important than Mommy?”

He scoffed, gathering her and her extra padding and setting the whole pile atop the kitchen island. “Rome is not more important than Mommy, you know that.”

“Rome sure sounded more important than Mommy.”

He turned his back with a roll of his eyes, reaching for the coffee that he must’ve been brewing before she woke up. She stopped her pouting long enough to take in the sight: Cardan’s messy black hair, his low-slung pants, the blatantly obvious fingernail marks carved up his back from last night. It was certainly a sight for sore eyes; it’s not every day you can wake up to something like that when you’ve got a toddler in tow.

“When you’re done ogling, would you like a cup?” He looked over his shoulder quickly, catching her in the act. His eyes twinkled so bright and full of mischief she didn’t even feel bad about being caught, she just smirked at him as she nodded.

Jude looked outside and saw that the heavy grey clouds had given up the fight and large, fluffy snowflakes were falling, bathing the world in yet another layer of snow.

“I hope Nic doesn’t go into labor early, we may be stuck here if the snow doesn’t stop,” she observed, suddenly quiet as she took the cup from his outstretched hand and brought it to her face, soaking in the warmth.

Cardan followed her gaze as he leaned back against his own counter, sipping from her Mrs mug that Liliver had gotten her as a joke. He looked pleasantly tired, not wired like he’d been after an all nighter in college or exhausted the way he was when Faye’d had a bad night as an infant. He looked like he was fit to curl up in bed with a book and be lazy all day, content with his place in the world.

It was a good look on him.

“She told me earlier that her doctor said she was only at 1.5 centimeters, she should make it to her due date.”

“I didn’t.”

“Well you were full of surprises with Faye’s pregnancy,” he mock-glared at her and she chuckled into her drink, remembering the look on his face when she’d told him her water had broken in her final.

Then his words hit her and her smile fell as she remembered what she’d overheard him saying to Nicasia. Cardan, well tuned in to her body language after so many years, noticed instantly.

“What?”

What good is spying if you narc on yourself?

She sighed and stared into her mug, trying to figure out the words as he watched her, worried something was wrong. Then, finally, “I overheard you talking with Nic about my pregnancy with Faye.”

“How much did you hear?”

“Just the end, you talking about how tough it was, how you didn’t want to pressure me,” she admitted, continuing before he could respond. “I don’t want you to think you’re pressuring me I know we’ve talked about it and I—“

“Woah, woah, woah, calm it down Hot Mama let me explain,” he cut her off, taking her cup from her hands and setting it down in the counter so he could hold her. “That conversation wasn’t about the pregnancy, just the timing.”

“What?”

He sighed, his jaw working like it always does when he’s a little frustrated. “Nic called right after I got a text from my brother. I should’ve talked to you first but the timing just worked out weird.”

“From Balekin?” She crinkled her nose in a frown that she knew he found adorable. “What could he possibly want? He knows he literally missed our wedding, right? The wedding that was yesterday.”

She cursed herself internally as she saw his little wince. She shouldn’t have said it so harshly, it just pissed her off that the man who raised her husband would refuse to be there when they got married.

“No, from Dain,” Cardan said, stopping her thoughts right in their track. “It’s about the company. Rhyia is apparently sick of being CFO, wants a peace of the trust fund baby action like me.”

She couldn’t help but grind her teeth at that, remembering that glorious fight all those years ago at his family’s mansion when he’d announced their pregnancy.

“So what do you have to do with it?”

“Dain wants to keep it in the family,” he chewed at his bottom lip. “Remembers I was in for business and you were in for finance. Thinks we could make a go of it together.”

“Oh so now you’re family,” she laughed angrily, her blood already boiling again after four years of avoiding the subject. “You weren’t family when you were a defenseless kid and you weren’t family when we were pregnant and fucking panicking but now he needs something—“

She broke off with a huff, flexing her fists and aching for her punching bag back home in their basement. It really wouldn’t do getting this riled up, it hadn’t helped them before and it wouldn’t help them now.

“Cool it, Supervillain, I see that look in your eyes,” he chuckled, forcing his hands under the blankets so he could grab her by the hips.

“I’m not a supervillain,” she grumbled.

“You’re my supervillain,” he cooed back, leaning forward to press soft little butterfly kisses to her jawline. “My sexy little supervillain Hot Mama.”

“I hate you.”

“You love me.”

She decided not to answer as he continued kissing down the line of her throat, his breath hot over her pulse and his lips soft against her chapped skin.

Jude couldn’t help the way she tilted her chin up, the little grin that graced her face as her eyes fluttered closed. She missed moments like these, times when they could be overly affectionate without having to worry about the baby seeing and yelling about how gross it was.

He pulled away and her eyes shot back open, ready to complain until she saw the look on his face. He was troubled, almost apprehensive.

“I was honestly thinking about agreeing,” he admitted before she could ask what was wrong.

Her brain short circuited for a moment, too distracted by his kisses to remember what they had been talking about. When she finally connected the dots, she frowned. “But you bought out of the company years ago, babe. Why go back to the headache?”

“A higher paying job,” he sighed, stepping away to run his hands through his messy hair and lean against the counter again. “I don’t like the idea of charging your sister more for my help, but I still want to make sure we have a secure future.”

“Baby, I know our finances. We are fine.” She took a sip of her coffee. “Even without my paycheck.”

“Still, I’d rather be safe. Plus Faye will be going to school next year and I’ll have all that extra time on my hands,” he looked away from her, chewing at the inside of his lip as he watched the snow fall. “We’d be able to really change how we live if we took this job. A better house, vacations, secure college fund for the kids.”

Jude studied Cardan, her eyes roving over his midnight black curls, down his ears—which used to be stretched—across the tattoo of her and Faye’s birthdates at his wrist, and she smiled. He’d changed so much since they first met, given up a lot of his more daring, self-destructive ways to provide for her and their family. He’d stepped up when she needed him to, he’d stepped up in a way that no man in his family ever did for him. She was proud.

“I thought kids is what you’d been discussing with Nic.”

His eyes shot back to her, but his head didn’t turn. She was quiet, almost nervous as she said it. They’d talked about maybe one day having more kids, mentioned it the same way one might say they wanted to hike the Appalachian trail some day.

But it had been so scary with Faye, so hard figuring out how to become parents, how to maintain their relationship and build a home, all while they were just barely adults. The pregnancy had been tough and full of shock, the family had been kind of a mess on both sides. It was just a disaster from the word go.

Still, Jude remembered how Cardan looked when he first saw that positive pregnancy test all those years ago. She remembered how he used to love waking up at night to feed the baby, called it his special Daddy-Daughter Time. She saw the way he still held one of Faye’s sonograms in his wallet every time she took her birth control.

“Did you now?” Cardan barely sounded like he was breathing.

She nodded. “I heard Nicasia giving you the same guilt trip Taryn gives me about cousins.”

“They do seem to think that baby boy should have a friend.” His face didn’t give anything away. He was, for the first time in years, so carefully blank around her.

“What do you think?”

The air, still frigid enough to keep Jude wrapped up in her nest, seemed charged with electricity as Cardan finally turned his head back to face his wife. If she’d gazed upon him with an untrained eye, she would’ve thought he looked like the picture of cruelty, an evil sneer pulling at his lips as he studied her through lidded eyes.

But Jude’s gaze wasn’t untrained, she knew her husband. And, so, she knew that the man in front of her was absolutely terrified as he said: “I think there might be some merit to the idea.”

He took a long sip of his coffee to hide his smile as Jude worried at her deformed ring finger.

“You?”

Well, here goes nothing

“I was thinking about stopping my birth control,” she quietly said, trying not to let her heart leap at the slight quirk of his brows. “Maybe not actively trying but, y’know, also not actively preventing.”

As soon as the words were out, she felt kind of panicked. Up until that point, everything they’d done—moving in after they got pregnant, getting engaged, marrying—had felt kind of inevitable. But having a second baby wasn’t necessarily a foregone conclusion. Talking about it felt nerve-wracking, like they were actually moving to make their family a reality.

“You want a kid with me?” Cardan sounded kind of awed, his jaw a little slack as he watched her.

“I have a kid with you, babe.”

“No,” he held a hand up. “No it was different with Faye. She wasn’t planned, she just happened and we figured out how to make it work.”

He set his drink down and once again crossed the distance between them, digging in to her cocoon as he pressed his forehead to hers.

“Don’t get me wrong, I love Faye with all my heart, she’s the best thing that’s happened to me,” he continued. “But the idea that you’d be more than ok with, that you’d literally want a child with me—“

“Does it shock you?”

He let out a small laugh, shaking his head as if to clear it before gazing up at her with love in his eyes. “Yes, Jude Greenbriar. Yes it does.”

“Well it shouldn’t,” she snorted. “I carried a little you once before and she turned out pretty damn cute.”

“I think I’m going to need to hear you actually say it.”

She laughed, her head thrown back as the sound filled the kitchen. She wrapped her arms around Cardan and kissed his temple, holding him close and thanking the gods that they’d made it to that point.

“You need to hear me say what?” Jude teased, her grin contagious as Cardan looked up at her.

“Jude, my darling my dear, my sexy little Hot Mama,” he started, dutifully ignoring how she dramatically protested at the nickname, “I need to hear you say that you want to have my child.”

Jude leaned forward, taking in the soft, earthy scent of him with a mischievous smile.

“Cardan, my love my sweet, my amazing sexy husband,” she imitated him, tilting her head to drag her teeth across his jaw.

He leaned back, giving her the room to slide off the kitchen counter and into his arms. The blankets fell off her shoulders, exposing her to the cool air as she pressed herself against him, already feeling just how desperately he wanted her.

She let her hands wander the expanse of his chest, her fingers ghosting over his skin until she could reach around to the nail marks on his back. With a smile, she traced them, remembering how he’d earned those scrapes when he spread her legs open on the floor last night after they’d given up on making it to the couch.

Cardan grabbed her by the hip, sliding one of his knees between her thighs and locking his eyes with hers as he waited with bated breath for her to finish.

Jude, not one to deny herself a good time, let the strap of her pajama shirt fall off her shoulder as she bit her bottom lip, leaned forward, and whispered--

“Put a baby in me.”

~~~~~~~~

A/N: Ok so a few things, one the tumblr app wouldn’t let me copy and paste all the story on mobile so I had to retype some online so I’m sorry if the format fucked up. Also I have a bunch of ideas for these kids so if you want to see any more of this AU, feel free to send in requests! Happy holidays @clockworkgraystairs , I hope you enjoy cute Parent!Jurdan doing cute adult shit!

Tag list: @cardan-greenbriar-tcp @hizqueen4life @slightlyrebelliouswriter23 @thewickedkings @aelin-queen-of-terrasen @cheekycheekycheeks @queen-of-glass @b00kworm @doingmyrainbow @jurdanhell @thesirenwashere @illyrianwitchling @courtofjurdan @clockworkgraystairs @st00pid231 @booksandlewks @fateandluminary @addies-invisible-life If you want to be added, just let me know!

[babybubastis]

Inspired by the prompt “Welcome to fatherhood” sent to me by @prettylittlebirds82. I hope you don’t hate it lol. And I’m sorry it took me so long 🙈

Just some angsty, domestic WinterPrincess.

Warnings: pregnancy, pregnancy complications, hospitals

———————————————————————

He moves as the mattress shifts, rolls over in his sleep to place his hand in the warm indentation left by her body.

Footsteps, rustling, whispering flutter on the edge of his consciousness. He burrows into the covers, groaning when his hand still searches, comes up empty, searches again.

“James.”

The whisper of his name is what does it. Whatever is in her voice sets off an alarm and he’s out of the bed and at her feet, blinking his eyes against the bathroom light.

“What’s wrong, sugar?”

Shuri looks up from her perch on the toilet, hands clutching her round belly, then drops her gaze again.

“I can’t stop,” she rasps. It’s then that he notices the steady trickling sound.

Bucky frowns, tilts her chin up so he can look her in the eyes. “You can’t stop what, angel?”

A sniffle. “I had an accident in bed, so I got up to use the bathroom, but I can’t stop peeing.” She shakes her head, whispers under her breath to herself, “It can’t be, it’s too early, it’s not time.”

The crease in his brow deepens, and his stomach drops even before his brain fully registers what she’s saying.

For maybe five seconds, he doesn’t breathe. His chest feels heavy, his right hand shakes, his vision tunnels.

Then she grabs his arm to try to stand, and a switch flips.

Bucky lifts his wife into his arms and strides over to the counter top. He sets her down like glass, eyes and hands frantically roving over her slightly trembling form.

“Are you having any contractions?”

He’s read enough to know that rupture of membranes doesn’t always mean labor is coming immediately. But it’s a damn good indicator, and he has to fight down the panic flooding his veins.

Panic isn’t something Bucky’s accustomed to, despite his whole life basically being one long shitstorm. From being taking captive as a prisoner of war over eighty years ago, to literally being snapped out of and back into existence, he’s had enough stress for three lifetimes. And somehow none of that has prepared him for the slow but powerful dread gripping his gut as his fingertips slide through the small puddle gathering on the cold marble underneath his very-pregnant-but-not-quite-pregnant-enough wife.

A large tear spills over and down Shuri’s cheek, but she shakes her head. “No, I feel fine, otherwise. This doesn’t make any sense...”

Bucky lifts his hands to cup her face, fingers gently wiping away the moisture before placing his right hand on her belly.

“You’re both gonna be okay, you understand me?”

His Queen nods once, bottom lip trembling before she presses both lips together and closes her eyes. She sucks in a breath and blows it out. When her eyes open, they still shimmer. But there’s resolve there, a determination and strength that makes him straighten up. He presses his lips to her forehead and lingers there, breathing her in before pulling away.

The next few minutes are a blur as he rushes around their suite grabbing clothes, shoes, phones, keys, wallets.

She’s still sitting on the counter when he comes back. Her eyes are closed again, head bowed, lips moving silently as both hands rub her belly. Bucky falters as he notices the towel now tucked between her legs. And there’s the panic again. He swallows it down and walks over to Shuri.

When he places his hands over hers, she sighs.

“Let’s get you dressed, baby, then we’ll head to the hospital.”

Her eyes flutter open and she nods. They’re silent as he helps her dress, a cloud of anxiety gathering around them.

“Wait, Bucky.”

“Hm?”

“How are we getting there?”

Shit.

He’s so out of sorts- exhausted, terrified, and trying to shove it all down enough to think straight, but he forgot to actually secure them a ride. Today was only the second day of their “baby moon”. Shuri had wanted to see New York City at Christmas time, just the two - make that three - of them.

Her water breaking at the end of her second trimester wasn’t part of the plan.

Bucky finishes helping Shuri tie her shoes before he runs into the bedroom again to grab his phone.

An ambulance is their best bet, but it’s 8:07 on a Friday morning in Downtown Manhattan. And according to his phone, it’s snowing. Heavily.

Shit.

“What about Tony?”

He whips around to find Shuri slowly climbing down from the bathroom counter. Rushing over to help her, his heart swells in spite of everything at the adorable grunt she lets out as her feet meet the floor.

“Now what about Tony, doll?”

Shuri huffs. “I thought I told you he and Pepper bought a second place in the city? They had their youngest last year at one of the hospitals here, but I forget which one.”

Bucky’s brow furrows. He doesn’t remember any of that.

His wife rolls her eyes and steps past him, waddling over to the desk near the door to grab her phone. “He invited us over for Christmas when I was on the phone with him last night, so they should be nearby. Maybe he can help.”

Before he can say another word, Shuri is on the phone, nervously chewing her bottom lip as her hand cradles their baby.

“Tony-“

Bucky can hear Stark’s voice on the other end then, way too loud for as early as it is, and he busies himself with double checking the small bag he’s packed to avoid becoming agitated.

He really doesn’t have anything against the other man. Despite their history, Bucky can’t blame Tony for what transpired between them all those years ago. And after Tony nearly died to defeat Thanos, Bucky only has respect for the man.

Tony had flatlined on that battlefield.

It was Shuri who sprang into action, refused to take no for an answer. She shouted orders at Doctor Strange to open a portal to her lab, and within minutes, she had Stark on a table while she ran diagnostics and went to work.

She was behind closed doors for hours, allowing only Pepper and Bruce back, along with Strange.

Bucky has no idea what exactly happened. He had waited outside of her lab until his eyes drooped, and the sound of the doors sliding open jolted him awake. Shuri emerged, hands bloody and shaking, but her expression gave nothing away. When it was all said and done, Tony Stark ultimately had her to thank for giving him his life back.

The friendship that bloomed between them after that made Bucky uneasy for... a while. Even after Bucky managed to work up the courage to confess his feelings to Shuri, and she confessed that she loved him back, he couldn’t shake the streak of possessiveness that flared unreasonably whenever Tony was around.

But he never begrudged his love her friendship, even when she decided to build a second Wakandan Outreach Center in New York, and Tony - who was making every effort in using his resources to help rebuild the world he’d saved - eagerly offered to be of assistance to Shuri in any way he could, in exchange for some “playtime,” as Stark called it, in her lab.

And Tony wasn’t the only one who had become a bit enamored with the then-Princess; the entire Stark household loved her, too. And yet, the retired Iron Man and the former Winter Soldier had barely ever exchanged more than two words and a few terse nods over the last few years.

Shuri calls to him, effectively bringing him back to the present, and Bucky realizes he’s nearly worn a tread into the carpet with his nervous pacing.

“Tony is on his way.” There’s a tinge of relief in her voice, but her left hand hasn’t left her belly, and she taps her phone against her thigh in an uneven rhythm.

Bucky walks over to his wife and grabs her hand. He brings it to his lips and inhales deeply.

“You ready?” It’s an effort to keep his voice steady.

She nods once, attempts a small smile that barely reaches her eyes at all.

Then Bucky interlaces their fingers and leads her toward the door and out of their suite. He slings their duffel bag across his shoulders and scoops her up into his arms, barely breaking stride on the way to the elevator. Shuri gives a surprised little yelp that, under different circumstances, might make him chuckle.

Instead, he holds her a little tighter and fights the urge to tap his foot while they wait for the car to reach their floor. It feels like an eternity waiting in that hallway, Shuri’s shallow breath against his neck, their baby cradled between them. He can hear Shuri’s heartbeat, wishes he could hear their little Bean’s heartbeat, too.

When he steps inside the elevator and reaches toward the button for the lobby, Shuri grabs his hand. He arches a brow in question.

**

To Tony’s credit, they don’t wait long at all. It can’t be more than ten minutes since Shuri hung up the phone when Bucky hears their ride approaching.

Any other time, he might roll his eyes and accuse Tony of having a flair for the dramatic. But he’s never been happier to see a Stark Industries helicopter in his life.

The chopper barely lands before Tony hops out, waving them forward. Once inside, they get buckled and take off in record time.

“How you feelin’, kid?”

Shuri looks up and gives a small smile. “I’ll be better when I know Bean is alright.” Bucky runs his thumb across the back of her right hand, and Tony reaches across from his seat to briefly squeeze her left.

“Don’t you worry about a thing, alright? Pepper’s OB owes me a gigantic favor, I already called ahead of you at the hospital. All we need to do is get you to OB Triage, and her colleagues will take it from there.”

Bucky exhales slowly and clears his throat. “I don’t know how to thank-“

Tony waves him off before he can finish his thought. “It’s the least I can do.”

Bucky nods. Shuri sags against him, and he turns his head to place a kiss to her temple.

“But if you want to repay me,” Tony interjects after a moment, “Anthony could be a great middle name.”

Shuri snorts. “You’re insufferable, you know that?” But there’s humor in her voice, and a genuine smile on her face this time, and Bucky is grateful to Tony for the second time that day.

**

By some miracle, triage isn’t busy at all. The on-call doc and a nurse greet them and take Shuri back while Bucky deals with the paperwork and Tony goes in search of caffeine.

It takes everything in Bucky not to chuck the clipboard back across the reception desk and follow after his wife. By the time he’s done filling everything out, every nail on his right hand is bitten down to nothing and his stomach is full of lead. He hands everything over and leans both hands on the desk, fighting the urge to crush the cheap fiberboard.

“So if you could tell me where they took my wife...?”

The middle aged woman behind the desk gives him a sympathetic smile. “Gimme just a sec, hun, I have to make sure they’re ready for ya.”

Before he can object, she stands and disappears through the door behind her desk. Bucky pinches the bridge of his nose and counts down from ten in Xhosa. He has to start over twice before the receptionist comes back.

“Mr. Barnes? They just took your wife down the hall for an ultrasound. She should be back in the room shortly, and then we’ll have someone take you back. Just sit tight, okay?”

But Bucky’s already been away from Shuri and Bean for ten minutes, and ready to crawl out of his own skin for every second. He tries for a smile - something charming yet authoritative, but hopefully not menacing - and sets his fists on the desk, leaning forward.

“Look-“ he starts, but a hand taps him on the elbow before he can finish his thought.

“Hey, let’s take a breather, huh?” Tony nods toward the double doors to the unit.

Tony must see the hesitation in Bucky’s eyes, because he gently nudges him.

“Just a few minutes. You look like you need it,” he says.

Bucky flicks his eyes to the receptionist, then back at Tony and the two large cups of coffee in his hands. He sighs heavily and gestures in front of him. “Lead the way.”

**

The waiting area is blessedly empty. Bucky walks over to a TV in the corner and searches for the remote. He can hear Tony slowly approaching behind him, but decides to distract himself with finding a decent show. But almost every station he clicks on is on commercial. He swears under his breath and slams the remote back down onto the coffee table.

“You break anything in this room, I’m not payin’ for it.”

Bucky whips his head around to find Tony smirking at him, and lets out a little puff of air.

“I just... I want to do... something.” He rakes both hands through his sweat-dampened hair. Then, almost so quietly, he’s not sure Tony even hears: “I’m goin’ a little outta my mind, here.” His voice cracks at the end, and he squeezes his eyes shut against the burn of unshed tears.

“Welcome to fatherhood.” Tony claps a warm hand to Bucky’s back.

“Yeah,” Bucky chokes out through a watery, humorless chuckle. All of his weight slumps into the chair behind him then, and it teeters backwards on wobbly legs. “Baby’s not even here yet, and they’re already giving me a frickin’ heart attack,” he mutters into his hands.

“Like I said,” Tony replies, “welcome to the club. That kid’s gonna scare you shitless about a hundred more times before they’re even outta diapers, so,” he pauses to take a sip of his coffee before saluting the weary man next to him with his styrofoam cup, “buckle up.”

Bucky groans.

Slumped in this stiff chair under too-bright fluorescents, the adrenaline is beginning to wear off.

His hands are beginning to shake again, and a shiver runs through him.

“How far along is she, again?”

“Hm?” Bucky lifts his head, blinking to clear his vision.

“How far along is Shuri? I forget,” Tony repeats.

Bucky blows out a breath. He doesn’t even need to think twice, he’s been keeping track just as closely as her. “Twenty-four weeks, three days.”

“Hm.”

“Yeah,” Bucky rasps, panic threatening to clog his throat again.

Tony clears his throat after a moment. ��She still insisting you guys don’t find out the sex?”

“She told you ‘bout that, huh? She uh, she thought it would be a nice surprise. Now I’m not so sure we should’ve waited to find out...” Bucky rubs his mouth.

Another silence.

His fingers twist the fabric of his pants, knees bouncing and jaw clenched as he resists the urge to go up to the nurse’s station for the twentieth time and ask when he can go back and be with his wife.

Tony gently pats his knee, and almost automatically, Bucky stops fidgeting. A little bit of the tension leaves his body and he inhales slowly to keep it at bay.

“Twenty-four weeks, three days,” Tony muses. “That’s early. But-“ he says as Bucky opens his mouth to respond, “but, it’s not terribly early, and you’d be surprised at the things they can do. This is the best place on the East Coast.”

Bucky drops his head again and nods.

“Shuri told me you guys had Arlo here.”

“Sure did.” A small smile lifts the corner of the other man’s mouth as he presumably thinks about his rambunctious and adorable youngest child.

They sit there for several minutes, Tony sipping his coffee quietly while Bucky ignores his in favor of chewing on his nails again.

He doesn’t know how long they’ve been sitting there, but he has half a mind to just burst through the doors and bypass the receptionist all together to find Shuri. He’s halfway out of his seat when Tony pulls his phone out and glances at the screen.

A twinge of guilt shoots through Bucky, and he sits back down. “You can take off whenever you need to. You really didn’t have to keep me company. I appreciate it.”

Tony finishes typing something on his phone and puts it back in his pocket before looking up.

“Believe it or not, I’m happy to do it. Couldn’t just leave you here.”

Bucky flicks his gaze to Tony’s, searches his eyes for any hint of falsehood or irritation.

The corner of Tony’s mouth lifts slightly. “Really, Barnes. I know you and I have some shit to work through. But a lot of that got put into perspective after... all the other shit.”

Bucky huffs out a laugh. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess so.” The knot in his stomach unravels just a tiny bit

“And that woman in there,” Tony gestures toward the doors to triage, “I would do just about anything for her. She’s done a hell of a lot for all of us over the years. And she indulges my old ass when I need a virtual lab partner and Bruce is too busy to be bothered. My kids love her, Pepper loves her. I know she saved you, too.”

Bucky’s throat is clogged again. He looks down at his hands, rubs at the upgraded arm Shuri gifted him on their wedding day: black inlaid with gold and purple, a permanent ring of gold Wakandan lettering etched into his left third finger.

“And you feel like it’s your turn to save her.”

Bucky chuckles, in spite of himself, in spite of everything going on right this second. Because Tony is way too on the nose. He sighs, a heavy, weary thing that seems to leave him deflated. He doesn’t look up as he replies.

“How do I save her from this? How do I fix this? This isn’t the way any of this was supposed to go...”

“You don’t fix it,” Tony interrupts. “Just be there. Whatever happens, don’t hide from her, and don’t try to shield her, either. Just be there and take care of them both. I know I don’t really need to tell you that.”

Bucky takes in Tony’s words. He nods, presses his lips together as he looks up to meet Tony’s eyes. A thank you is on his lips when one of the double doors behind them swings open, and his heart stutters for a second.

“Mr. Barnes?” A petite woman in navy blue scrubs looks back and forth between Bucky and Tony.

Bucky shoots up immediately. “That’s me.”

The nurse waves Bucky forward. “Your wife is back in her room, you can come on back.”

He shoots a glance over his shoulder as he heads toward the door. Tony is on his feet now. “Tell the Her Majesty I’ll call her later to check on her. Rub that belly for me. And take care of yourself, too, yeah?”

Bucky tries for a smile, hopes he makes it. His heart rate is climbing again. “Will do.”

**

Bucky pulls open the curtain and Shuri opens her eyes.

The bed practically swallows her up, she’s so tiny, even with her large belly. The pang in his chest is so acute, it takes him a couple of tries to find his voice.

“Hi, babydoll. How are my two favorite people?”

She gives him a wan smile and shrugs. “We’re okay, I think. Bean has been moving a bit, and the ultrasound looks alright. But,” she pauses and closes her eyes briefly. Bucky walks over and sits on the edge of the bed, reaching out to take both of her soft hands in his.

“It’s okay, angel.”

She clears her throat and looks up at him. “The doctor says my amniotic fluid index is 2 centimeters.”

Bucky frowns. “Is that low?”

“Normal range is 5 to 25 centimeters. Almost all of my fluid is gone. Somehow my cervix is still completely closed, but they want to keep us until the baby is born. The doctor said most people go into labor within 72 hours of their water breaking, so traveling back home is too risky. They’re bringing one of the NICU doctors up soon to discuss things.” Her teeth gnaw at her bottom lip as she pauses, gives him a chance to absorb what she’s saying.

He feels what little breath was in his lungs being knocked out. They’re stuck here. And they’re baby is coming 16 weeks early. The dread in his gut builds. Feels like it’s clawing its way up from his stomach to his chest, and he clamps his mouth shut to keep it from escaping. Something else is bothering his wife. Truth be told, he’s not sure he wants to know what else she hasn’t told him, but he needs to know. He reaches up to pull her bottom lip out from between her teeth. His fingers linger there, caressing her face and memorizing every detail for probably the billionth time.

“What else did they say?”

She sucks in a long breath, then puffs it out. “They said I’m at increased risk for infection now that my water has broken. There’s significantly less protection for Bean and me, the longer I stay pregnant, so they’re putting me on antibiotics, and betamethasone shots to help speed up lung development.”

Bucky swallows thickly. “Do they know how this happened?” She’s been doing everything right - sleeping eight hours a night, taking her vitamins, eating clean, drinking tons of water, exercising appropriately -he can’t wrap his head around this.

Shuri gives a shake of her head and another tired shrug. “I tested negative for any kind of infection. Apparently, most cases of premature rupture have no known cause. Not that that makes me feel any better.” She looks down at her stomach and rubs it slowly, methodically. “According to the scan, Bean is only 1.4 pounds. So tiny, Buck.” Her voice catches on that last part, and then her face crumbles.

Bucky feels like he’s fracturing into a million pieces as he leans forward and draws her into his chest. One hand cradles the back of her head while the other rubs up and down her back. Her belly presses into his, and his control slips.

He’s terrified. For Shuri. For the baby. Heartbroken, because he honestly doesn’t know if their Little Bean is even going to make it. And frustrated, because there isn’t a damn thing he can do about it. Except be here.

Shuri feels the gentle shake of his shoulders. She lifts her head to press her forehead to his, the salt of their tears mingling together as their lips meet. The life inside her belly stirs enough that they both feel the movement, and everything else ceases to matter.

**

She manages to stay pregnant for six more weeks.

Six weeks of daily ultrasounds and bed rest and no privacy and lab draws and living in the hospital because the risk of traveling back home is too great.

Bucky is sure his back will never recover from sleeping on the hospital cot, but he’d give the health of his back and more to have his sweet baby and their Bean safe. He refuses to leave her. Even when Shuri flies in her mother, her OBGYN, her doula, and a couple of the Dora Milaje and puts them all up in a hotel, Bucky sleeps by his Queen’s side.

And when, six weeks to the day that she was admitted, their sweet baby boy makes his way into the world, Bucky is by her side for that too, holding her hand and supporting her as she pushes with more strength than he ever thought any one person could possess.

Ikemba T’Challa Buchanan Barnes is beautiful. Way bigger than predicted for a thirty-weeker, and so strong, but still tiny in the grand scheme of things, and vulnerable.

Bucky barely sleeps because he can hardly stop marveling at the long fingers, the soft tuft of dark brown hair, the satiny chestnut skin. He stays up nights talking with Shuri until she passes out, then quietly reads to baby boy until the wee hours.

It’s another five weeks before they get discharged- five weeks of Shuri faithfully pumping breast milk around the clock until their baby is strong enough to nurse, five weeks of her barely even leaving his room. They’re both a wreck, The White Wolf and the Queen, trying to hold it together enough to make sure their baby boy makes it out of the NICU and back home with them where he belongs.

They can’t get out of there fast enough the day he’s finally discharged. Shuri dresses him in the tiniest little onesie made of black and gold Vibranium thread. She made it herself, embroidered the insignia of the Golden Tribe on the front, and her hand lingers as she brushes softly across it. Bucky’s chest tightens a bit as he watches her eyes squeeze shut for a moment. He knows she’s thinking of her brother.

Silent tears stream down her face as she hovers over Ikemba in his car seat. Bucky flies the Royal Talon himself, because he’s too on edge to let any of the Dora do it. He trusts them with all their lives, but he’s too fidgety to sit in the back with his family.

Home. Get them home. That’s all he wants, and his shoulders don’t settle back down into a normal position until they step onto the tarmac.

Tony calls just as they’re walking into their quarters. Interestingly enough, he calls Bucky’s phone.

“Stark?”

“Hey, daddy, how’s it goin’? You guys in safely?”

Bucky suppresses an eye roll. “Stop calling me that, it sounds gross coming from you.”

Tony laughs on the other end, and Bucky finds himself chuckling as well.

“Whatever, you like it. And you better get used to it, because once my godson learns ‘daddy’ and ‘mommy’, that’s all he’s going to want to say for a while.”

“I think we’re going with ‘baba’ and ‘mama,’ actually,” Bucky replies as he takes Ikemba out of his car seat and hands him to Shuri. He puts the phone on speaker and busies himself with putting their luggage in the closet.

Tony huffs. “You know what I mean. Anyway, how’s my girl?”

“I’m fine, Tony,” Shuri chimes in, settling in the recliner to nurse.

“I’m giving you a week, and then Pepper and I want a ton of pictures of baby boy.”

Shuri chuckles. “Of course. Give Pepper and the kids our love, okay? Well call you later in the week.”

“Alright, Your Majesty. Try to get some rest. You too, pops.”

Bucky snorts as he walks out of the bedroom and into the sitting room to give his loves some peace and quiet. He pauses briefly at the threshold, watching his wife nourish their son, his tiny little grunts and sighs practically melting him into a puddle of gratitude and adoration, before closing the door. “I’ll try. And Tony?”

“Yeah, Barnes.”

“Thank you.”

Tony hums in response. “Nothin’ to thank me for. You guys are family. Just take care of each other.”

Bucky’s chest warms, and he nods. “Of course.”

“Oh, Barnes.”

“What’s up?”

He can hear the smile in Tony’s voice as he replies, “Welcome to fatherhood.” And then the call ends.

A wide grin blooms across Bucky’s face as he walks over to the window overlooking the city. Bright, bustling, beautiful. Home. He closes his eyes and takes a real breath for the first time in three months.

After several minutes, the sweet lilt of Shuri’s voice singing a Wakandan lullaby reaches his ears and Bucky’s face hurts, he’s beaming so hard. He takes one more look at the landscape in front of him, then heads back into the bedroom to bask in the warmth of his family.

[rookie-ramsey]

Baby Blues, Chapter 1 (Bryce Lahela X MC)

Description: MC and Bryce can handle just about anything. Hopefully, pregnancy and parenting fall into the “just about everything” category.

Pairing: Bryce X F!MC

Each pregnancy test scattered on her bathroom floor stared back at her with the same results:

Pregnant.

Well, now everything made sense. Sure, she had immediately suspected pregnancy when she started puking at irksome morning hours. When her period didn’t arrive, it only strengthened her suspicions.

If Emily were honest with herself, she shouldn’t have been surprised as she was. Hell, she was a doctor. She knew the pill wasn’t 100 percent effective, and they hadn’t been consistent with condom usage since making their relationship serious.

Running a hand through her hair, Emily disposed of the pregnancy tests. Still trying to wrap her mind around the fact that she was pregnant (and apparently forgetting everything she knew about conception), she dazedly showered and got dressed for work. 

Her stomach churned as she left the apartment earlier than her roommates. Whether it was from morning sickness or worry, she didn’t know. She boarded the train and held a hand on her stomach, willing herself not to projectile vomit all over the seat in front of her. 

Once the train stopped at the station close to Edenbrook, Emily felt more relaxed as the nausea subsided. She walked into the locker room and put on her white coat. This early, only the early morning shift nurses were in the hallway.

By the time she was making a round through the hospital to check on her patients, her coworkers were starting to file into the building. It was normal enough for her to report early, so nobody questioned her being there. 

When her pager buzzed, she reported to the diagnostics lab. Ethan, Baz, and June gathered around a CT. 

“We have a case?”

“Yes, Dr. Harmon.” Ethan nodded toward the scans. “Patient presents with involuntary muscle spasms, mood swings, and blurred vision. These are the scans Kenmore sent over.”

“Huntington’s disease?”

Baz shook his head. “Already tested negative.” 

“Hmm.” Emily leaned closer. “No signs of a tumor or traumatic brain injury. Brain looks normal. Should we redo the scans?”

Ethan nodded. “Start with that. The three of you can run a full work up. I’ll do a more thorough patient history while we wait on the results and start the scans.”

“Alright.” Emily started to make her way out of the office. As she did, a sudden churn of her stomach made her stop. Without a word, she darted down the hall and into the women’s bathroom.

She rushed into a stall and barely had time to slam the door shut behind her when she started vomiting. 

There went the muffin and orange juice she had scarfed down for breakfast. Groaning, she flushed the toilet, washed her hands, and gargled some water. She grimaced and bought a pack of gum at the nearest vending machine to rid her mouth of the foul taste. 

Emily started to make her way down the hall, feeling awkward after making her mad dash out of the diagnostics office. As she rounded the corner, she nearly ran into Bryce. 

Bryce grinned. “Hey there.”

“Hey.”

“Are you okay?” Concern filled Bryce’s warm eyes. “Baz said you ran out of the office.”

“Oh, well…” Suddenly nervous, Emily glanced at the ground. 

This felt entirely too awkward. She thought she’d at least have time to put together a speech to announce her pregnancy, but now she wasn’t sure if she could keep her mouth shut.

“Bryce…” Emily inhaled sharply. “I have to get back to work, but meet me for lunch.”

Bryce arched a brow. “Sounds mysterious. I’m in.” He gave her a quick hug before releasing her. “Go do your diagnosis thing.”

“See you at lunch.” Emily squeezed his arm before she left to help Baz and June with the patient. If they suspected anything, they didn’t question her, which she was grateful for. She wasn’t about to announce her pregnancy to anyone other than Bryce when she’d only known about it for four hours and twelve minutes. 

She spent her morning running tests on their patient. At noon, her lunch break began. She waited in the locker room for Bryce. 

“Hey, gorgeous.” Bryce slipped his hand into hers and pulled her in for a quick peck on the lips. “I’m really curious to see what this mystery lunch conversation is going to be about.”

“Okay… do you want to know now or after we go eat? I don’t want you to get startled and choke.”

Bryce laughed. “You’re talking to someone who just dug an eraser out of someone’s intestinal tract. It’s gonna take a lot to startle me.”

“Famous last words.” Emily grabbed Bryce’s hand and sat down with him.  “Bryce… I’m pregnant.”

In the length of the silence that followed, Emily could swear she felt her pregnancy progress a few weeks. When Bryce finally responded, she realized with some shock that the silence had lasted only a few seconds. 

“That… was way more startling than I thought it would be. You… when did you find out?”

“About four thirty this morning. I took five different tests.”

“Okay…” Bryce ran a hand through his hair. “Wow …”

“Please try to talk coherently.” Worried, Emily grabbed his arm. “I’m freaking out a little right now.”

“Sorry.” Bryce settled a hand on her leg. “I don’t want you to worry. It may be sudden, but… it’s not like we never talked about it. We’ve got this.”

At that, her eyes watered. She leaned into him and rested her head on his shoulder. Bryce slipped an arm around her and pulled her close. “I’m going to go to an OB/GYN outside of Edenbrook, at least for now. I want to keep it under the radar for a few weeks.”

Bryce nodded and kissed her head. “My lips are sealed. It’s our little secret as long  as you want it to be.”

She kissed his cheek and gave his torso a gentle squeeze. “Okay. Let’s go grab some lunch.”

next chapter

Tags: @elephant9998 @mvalentine @fortunatelywaywardsandwich @whatchique @achalantspitfire @lahellacute @virtuallytakenby @oofchoices @dang-lahela @miss-whit12 @drakeismyweakness @sitsoncornflake @a-tragical-tale @vamped99 @bitchloveskcbaseball @laceandlula @paulfwesley @bloomingsivan

I tagged my regular Bryce tags and added anyone who requested Bryce on my recent post asking for fanfiction input. Let me know if you want added or removed!

[theblogtini]

Connor’s Birth Story | Preeclampsia

A little over 4 months ago - on January 17, 2018 - I gave birth via a planned c-section to Connor, a beautiful, healthy baby boy.

The road to meeting him was interesting and a bit scary at times, but what has happened since then has been hell on Earth.

My husband and I were lucky in that we didn’t have to “try” to get pregnant. We were in the “if it happens it happens” phase of things and poof, a week before my 30th birthday I found out I was pregnant. My pregnancy was fairly unremarkable early on. I didn’t get morning sickness, I didn’t have mood swings. I didn’t gain much weight or swell up - it was easy and I felt lucky. The most annoying thing was that during my 2nd trimester I had an “irritable uterus” and so I had a lot of false contractions that would leave my muscles aching a bit.

Around 35 weeks I thought my water broke. I went to the hospital as instructed by my OB and it turns out it hadn’t, but I WAS having contractions every 2 minutes (that I couldn't feel!), but I wasn’t progressing quickly enough for them to keep me. Eventually they gave me a steroid shot meant to help the baby’s lungs develop quicker if he was born early and sent me home, telling me to eat something and pack a bag because they all thought I would be back that night. The said if I didn’t go into true labor that night to go to my doctor in the morning to get a check of my progress.

And that is when all hell broke loose.

I should note that the evening before (JANUARY 7, when I was given the steroid shot), my blood pressure was 122/74.

The next morning (JANUARY 8) I arrived at my doctors office and told them that I was supposed to get a progress check. When they checked things out I still hadn't progressed, but my blood pressure was 160/88, which is very high and a warning sign of preeclampsia. They had me lie down for a few minutes and when they checked it again it was down to 130/80 which is a bit high, but not worrisome. Apparently the threshold for preeclampsia is two reads of 140/90 at least 4 hours apart. I was scheduled to return to the hospital later that evening to get a second dose of the steroid shot, and the doctor told me to make sure they rechecked my blood pressure.

That evening (still JANUARY 8) at the hospital I declined the second dose of the steroid - I was having an annoying reaction to it (very jittery, face hot and red as if I'd gotten a bad sunburn, fast pulse - all fairly standard steroid reactions, but I didn't like it). They said that since I was 36 weeks that day that I didn't need the second dose, as by that point it wouldn't help much anyway (baby's lungs are generally pretty well developed by 36 weeks) and most of the benefit comes from the first dose anyway. At that point, my blood pressure was 130/86, which is just on the border of being too high (and my pulse rate was 107, from the steroid injection). I was advised to head back to my doctors office in the morning for them to keep an eye on my blood pressure.

The following morning (JANUARY 9) I headed into my doctor's office for them to check my blood pressure. The nurse had some difficulty taking it because she couldn't find the appropriate sized cuff and then the machine (she didn't do it manually, for some reason) kept inflating and inflating but wouldn't release (my hand practically turned purple!). Eventually she declared my blood pressure was 120/90 - not horrible, but the bottom number had hit 90 which is an indicator of preeclampsia. I left with instructions to purchase some Magnesium supplements at CVS. On my way home my phone rang, and it was the doctor's office - they also wanted me on bed rest until I went into labor. They also said that if I got a headache that wouldn't go away, or any pain in my upper right abdomen I should head to the hospital.

I spent the rest of that day and most of the following day at home, but I wasn't doing an awesome job of relaxing. I was still trying to work (ahhh, the "benefits" of being your own boss and working from home) and also work at a faster pace so I could wrap things up in case I went into pre-term labor. The next evening (JANUARY 10) however, I realized that I had a slight headache that wouldn't quit. This is probably a good place to note that I almost ALWAYS have a headache. And this wasn't a very bad headache - just a "oh, my head kinda hurts a little" headache. But since the doctor told me to go to the hospital if I had a headache that wouldn't quit, I went.

Finally on January 10 - at 36 weeks - I was diagnosed with mild preeclampsia, admitted to the hospital, and told I would be there until I had the baby which at the latest would be 1 week later and at the earliest could be later that night or anytime they felt my blood pressure was getting too high or other symptoms cropped up. At the time I was diagnosed my husband was at a business dinner in Boston. It was a few hours until he could get on the train, get home, grab our hospital bags (which we had already packed) and get to me.

For a week I sat in the hospital (with my loving, perfect husband by my side) terrified that my body was failing and killing both me and my baby, even though my doctors and nurses were constantly reassuring me that I was actually completely fine and just being monitored. I wasn’t actually even really being monitored - I wasn’t hooked up to anything. Every few hours someone would come in, take my blood pressure, put a monitor on my belly to check the baby's heart rate, tell me all was good, and leave. As uneventful as that week was, I spent a lot of time being nervous and crying. It's hard to NOT be nervous when you're in the hospital for monitoring. Every time someone would tell me I was fine, I would tearfully tell them that I obviously wasn't fine, because if I was I would be at home.

On January 17, the day of my scheduled c-section (I had been planning to have one regardless), the nurses came in to get me and wheeled me into the OR. Within an hour of the operation starting I was in recovery with my husband, who had been by my side the entire time, and my son. It was surreal.

My doctor had warned me that it's "totally normal" to see a spike in blood pressure a day or two after delivery, and after over a week of having blood pressure readings that were varying between completely normal and slightly high (in the hospital I even had some readings that were "perfect" - in the 110s/70s), the night before I was supposed to be discharged from the hospital, my blood pressure spiked to 160/88 again. Within minutes I had a room full of doctors and nurses. My husband had been down the hall grabbing a snack from the vending machine and heard them call a "rapid response" to our room. He thought it was because I had demanded they bring the baby to me quickly, since we had sent him to the nursery. But what he really heard was the call for every available medical practitioner to squeeze into the tiniest hospital room ever. I was immediately told to lie down while they came in with a dose of a blood pressure medication that is designed to act quickly. Meanwhile, nurses were putting seizure pads on my bed (big blue pads that were there so that in case I had a seizure I didn't injure myself), while another nurse set up an IV of Magnesium Sulfate to prevent seizures. A few minutes after taking the medication my blood pressure dropped... low. And my pulse went sky high - to 160bpm. A few minutes later another team of people came in, this time with an EKG machine check my heart function and some Ativan try to slow it down. The EKG came back completely normal. The Ativan was much appreciated.

All the while I laid on the bed, staring at the ceiling trying not to freak out. Chuck said that even though I looked absolutely terrified (and he couldn't get near me because the doctors and nurses had things to do) he was surprised at how calm I seemed. It wasn't because I was calm, though - it was because I was absolutely terrified to move thinking that at any minute I might have a seizure, stroke, or heart attack.

As my blood pressure stabilized and my heart rate returned to normal I was hooked up to the magnesium and put on an additional 24 hours of bed rest. Apparently I am the first person my nurse had ever spoken with who didn't hate the magnesium. I guess a lot of people have crappy reactions to it, but it just made me feel really warm and cozy, like I was about to take the best nap ever. Or maybe that was the Ativan - who knows.

On January 22 I was finally discharged from the hospital. I wasn't prescribed any blood pressure medication, as my BP had returned to a fairly normal level. However, things went from bad to worse because at that point my anxiety decided to kick into high gear.

Being out of the hospital terrified me. As far as I was concerned, I had just survived a disease that could have killed me and my baby, had a completely traumatic experience with the rapid response, and now I was being thrown to the wolves to just hope things settled down. Uhm, nope! After being home for two days and doing nothing but crying and being terrified I made appointments with my psychiatrist and my therapist. I saw my psychiatrist first. While I was there she checked my blood pressure three times and each time it was all over the place, one time getting as high as 170/80. She ordered me back to the hospital where my BP was still a bit high. They gave me a dose of a different blood pressure medication which instantly dropped my blood pressure to a nearly normal level. They wrote my a prescription of a low dose of it and sent me on my way. They also told me at that time that my high blood pressure might be a result of anxiety and not something more sinister.

A few days later I had to be seen by my primary care physician for follow-up from a car accident I had been in a couple days before Christmas. While I was there they couldn't get a reading on my pulse - it was bouncing around from 60 to 100 to 80 to 120. Eventually they rolled in an EKG machine and did 2 EKGs, both of which came back fine. My doctor and I were concerned, however, so she wrote me a referral to a cardiologist and orders for a 48-hour holter monitor (which is essentially wearing an EKG machine for 48 hours straight). I spent another week bawling my eyes out and being terrified to even hold the baby, lest my heart give out and I drop him. When I finally saw the cardiologist he explained that it's fairly common for postpartum women to have a bit of a wonky heart because their bodies are getting used to having less blood to pump around, but he also did an EKG. He said all of my EKGs had come back perfect (the one in the hospital, the 2 in my doctor's office, and the one he had just done) and that my 48-hour holter monitor results were perfect as well. He also did a thorough exam and declared my heart "perfectly fine" and said that he didn't expect to see me for another 50 years or so. Excellent!

Unfortunately, a few days after THAT I got a headache. The weirdest headache of my life - it felt like someone was stabbing me in the head. Again, I worried about my preeclampsia and headed to my doctors office, where the doctor on call was concerned about a brain aneurysm or stroke. (Note: do NOT say those words to someone with severe anxiety...) She sent me for an MRI and an MRA - only one of which my insurance would cover, so my husband and I paid for the other out of pocket. Turns out, my brain is completely fine as well, woo! But that was yet another week spent being terrified that I would drop dead at any minute.

Last but not least, I'd been having some cramping in my leg that wouldn't go away. Whenever someone has major surgery they're at risk for blood clots, and being pregnant in and of itself is a risk for blood clots, so of course that was a concern. After 2 ultrasounds of my legs and 2 blood tests it was determined that there was no clot and I was probably experiencing a combination of sciatica and muscle spasms.

Throughout all of this I was still taking my blood pressure medication and going once per week to my OB's office for blood pressure checks. Thankfully though my blood pressure issues seemed to resolve fairly quickly, with normal readings at every single doctors appointment, and by 4 weeks postpartum I was completely off the medication, with normal blood pressure. They did, however, have to check my blood pressure twice at each visit. Once at the beginning, where it was almost always on the high side, and then once at the end when I was more calm where it was always great. 

Ultimately, I remained completely petrified for a couple more weeks until eventually my brain decided to believe the doctors who were all telling me I was fine (and probably when my pregnancy hormones decided to even themselves out).

However, I'm still nervous. I'm scared of getting pregnant again and developing preeclampsia, eclampsia, or HELLP. I've been told by my OB that all three of those scenarios are actually unlikely due to the fact that my preeclampsia onset was late in pregnancy, was mild, and she isn't even entirely certain I had preeclampsia since many of my high blood pressure readings correlated with times of high anxiety (like the ones in my psychiatrists office, where I was basically having a nervous breakdown). That said, preeclampsia is an unpredictable illness. There's no way of knowing who will get it, when they'll get it, or how severe it will be. The severity can range from mild cases like mine that are kind of just a nuisance, to ones that are so severe they cause maternal and fetal death, and everything in between. Preeclampsia can lead to eclampsia, meaning seizures, or HELLP syndrome which is essentially the liver and kidneys shutting down while the blood begins to lose platelets. And at this time, as much as it kills me to think that my son might be an only child (I had never envisioned only having 1 kid), I don't know that I can go through 8 or 9 months of pregnancy being nervous about developing preeclampsia and waiting for it to set in (whether or not it actually does).

[eightredribbons]

Our journey to getting our little one.

After getting married in August 2018, we decided to take a year to “get to know” each other before actively starting a family.  We just knew that married life would be so much more different than when we were dating, and there will be a period of adjustment for not only us but for our families as well.

The year went by pretty quickly, and then some life events got in the way and our plans got delayed. 

-

In early 2020, just a little before the pandemic hit, we made the decision to start trying. And oh man, we (or more like, I) didn’t know what we were getting ourselves in to. After a few months of not getting the results we wanted, I started to get a little worried (and to be quite honest, a little discouraged). How was it that it was so easy for our friends and a whirlwind of emotions for us? Never the less, we didn’t give up hope. Both of us started taking supplements, and even tried the “madu ajaib” that everyone raved about. But that totally messed up my health, so I decided to stop.

-

Suspecting that there was something wrong, I went to see my gynea. Did a routine pap-smear and ultrasound. Thankfully, she found nothing wrong with me. She said to breathe, and that since it’s only be less than a year of trying, there’s no cause for concern / stress. And that if after 6 months there’s still nothing, that both husband and I should come in and we’ll discuss options.

-

At the end of 2020, seeing how much it affected me mentally... Husband suggested we take a little break. And I happily agreed. In Sha Allah, if it is our rezeki, it will come in due time and when He wills it.

It honestly felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders once I just let go.

-

But little did we both know, that a month later, Allah SWT would bless us and answer our prayers.

-

The beginning of 2021 started off rocky. While Malaysia was going through another lockdown/ MCO, we were both feeling content. I had picked up running again and was on a stride. With my running stats improving weekly! 

Until one fine day, I started hurling. Felt so nauseous and just couldn’t hold back from vomiting. It went on for two days before I decided to see my GP on a Tuesday. She asked if I was pregnant out of fear she’d issue out strong medication which could affect the baby.... I said I doubt I was and that my period was due the coming Sunday. She said to be sure, let’s do a urine test.

The results came back negative, and I was diagnosed with the usual “acute gastroenteritis”. Bear in mind, I had felt nothing when the results came back since I’ve been having bouts of gastric pains since October 2020 due to work related stress. And with just deciding with my husband to take it easy on trying, it did not cross my mind at all! Although I found it quite odd that I was vomiting since it was never a symptom I experienced with gastric / “angin”.

-

Husband and I spent the Saturday night at his parents place, and I had already packed all the necessary items in anticipation of “aunt Flo” arriving. But when Sunday came, she didn’t show up.

I still didn’t think anything of it since it’s perfectly normal for her to maybe come around one or two days later. It was strange that I didn’t have any spotting either but again, didn’t think much of it as I was occupied with work.

-

A week goes by, and I started to feel a little anxious. Still wasn’t feeling any “hope” at that point cause all I thought of was I had just done a urine test at the doctor’s a week prior and it was negative. How could it be wrong, right? But to put my mind at ease and thinking if it was another negative that it would mean something else is happening in there and I need to see a gynea... I decided to pee on a stick.

-

At 7.36am on 13 February 2021, I got up groggy and semi-ran to the toilet to pee. Felt like I was about to burst! As I was lowering myself onto the toilet bowl, I remembered about the test. Quickly got back up and rummaged through our bathroom drawer for a test kit. I couldn’t believe my eyes after the waiting time was up. I rubbed them so much that the lines got blurry. With the stick in one hand, and the box + instructions in the other, I walked to my husband and asked him to read what it said on the box and on the instruction sheets... Then I handed him the stick and asked him if I was seeing things.

We’re PREGNANT!!!

-

Immediately informed our parents, and both sides went into grandparents mode -- overdrive in an instant!

-

I had decided on a OBGYN almost immediately and it was a 2 week wait before we could go in for an appointment. He was booked and then was going on CNY leave. I would have gone back to my usual gynea but I had to consider the fact that she works out of her own clinic and it would be quite the hassle during delivery especially during this time with Covid and the multiple MCOs in Malaysia.

I had picked my mum’s OB, the doctor who delivered me. Was actually surprised that he was still working at Pantai, but also relieved to know that I would be in capable hands. After all his years of experience, I was well assured that if anything were to happen, he would know what to do.

Both my mum and husband came along for the first consultation. We were all nervous going in. But once we saw the little dot on the ultrasound screen, it all kind of melted away. It felt so surreal when doctor had pointed out where our baby was, and handed us a copy of the ultrasound imaging.

-

* to be continued...

[writekindofwrong-blog]

Deep Blue Sea - Jason Todd x Reader

Anon requested: Jason and his s/o go to the aquarium for a date and he just spends his time watching all the fishes with immense interest and his s/o just falls so hard for him right then and there and hugs him from behind while he looks at the biggest tank

A/N: I think this is my favourite fic I’ve written for Jason tbh, also headcanon accepted that Jason watches fish to relax and calm him down. I hope you like it, also the reader totally gets Jason a fishtank for Christmas just saying :D Hope you like it, thanks for the request.

*****************

“I told you already, it’s a surprise, it’s our first proper date, I want it to be special”

Y/N rifled her wardrobe with an exaggerated sigh, her phone pressed to her ear.

“Yes I know Jason, and I really appreciate the romantic gesture, but all this secrecy isn’t helping me to pick an outfit” she commented as the pulled out a blue top and considered it for a moment before throwing it on the reject pile, which was already quite large.

Y/N had met Jason a couple of weeks ago at a coffee shop. She had managed to bump into him and spill coffee down his front. Not the most promising start to a relationship, granted, but it had gotten the two of them talking...Or more accurately Y/N had been apologising profusely and insisting on paying for the dry cleaning bill, whilst Jason had been staring at her in wide eyed amazement at how utterly gorgeous he thought she was.

“I don’t see why it matters, you’re gonna look amazing whatever you wear” Jason replied, sounding slightly out of breath, Y/N could hear faint shouting in the background.

“Flatterer” Y/N smiled as butterflies erupted in her stomach at his compliment. “Where are you anyway? Who’s that shouting?”

“Oh um no one...It’s just the t.v. hold on, I’ll turn it down” there were some muffled noises and then a thump which sounded more like Jason had hit the t.v. than turned it down. “Sorry about that Y/N, where were we?”.

“You were just telling me where the hell we’re going tomorrow so that I don’t turn up dressed completely inappropriately and look like an idiot”

“Okay, okay you win. Just wear something... I dunno, casual I guess, we’re not going anywhere too fancy”

“Hmm anything else you can tell me?”

“Nice try but no, look I’ve got to go, I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning at 10 okay?”

“Okay, it’s a date”

********

“See I told you you’d look amazing no matter what you wore” Jason smiled, eyeing Y/N with appreciation as she opened her door and descended the steps towards him.

“Tsk tsk five minutes late, not a good start Jason” Y/N teased.

“Hey it’s not my fault some idiot decided to rob a bank on route and cause a huge traffic jam” Jason said, leaning casually against his motorbike.

“Oh really who was it?”

“Black Mask”

“Urgh I hate that guy”

“Me too. Shall we go?” Jason asked, tossing Y/N a helmet, which she deftly caught.

Y/N nodded, slid ob the helmet and climbed on the bike behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist. It certainly wasn’t her first time on the bike, Jason had given her a couple of lifts home on it, but she still  jumped a little when the engine revved.

She soon relaxed though as they began to speed along the roads towards their mystery destination. she couldn’t really talk to Jason on the way which gave her plenty of time to speculate on where they might be going.

Jason had said something casual...Maybe they were going to see a movie? No, they’d be going in the other direction if that were the case. A picnic in the park? No, Jason didn’t have any food with him. Y/N continued to think of the possibilities for the remainder of the journey, however she never would have predicted where they eventually pulled up to.

“An aquarium? Huh, well you certainly surprised me that’s for sure” Y/N commented as she handed Jason her helmet.

“I just thought it’d be something a bit more special than a movie or whatever” Jason said, busing himself with packing away the helmets, he seemed a little embarrassed. “If you wanna go somewhere else, that’s totally fine, we can-”

Y/N stood on her tiptoes and pressed her lips against Jason’s for just a moment before pulling away, interrupting him mid sentence.

“I thinks it’s an amazing idea, you’re right this is way better than going to see a movie, this way I actually get to talk to you”

With that she and Jason linked hands and headed in.

*************

“Do you reckon they have any sharks here” Y/N asked as they passed a tank full of clown fish.

“Yeah they do, they’re on the other side though, we’ll work our way round to them”

“How’d you know that? Have you been here before?” Y/N questioned curiously.

“Once or twice” Jason replied nonchalantly. He gave Y/N a look out of the corner of his eye as they stopped in front of a tank with various small, brightly coloured fish flitting around inside. “So you like sharks then?”

“Yeah, I reckon they get a bad rap you know? Just cause they look scary and menacing doesn’t mean they should be treated like monsters, I saw this video of a shark and it was practically cuddling it’s keeper it was really sweet actually”Y/N concluded, feeling slightly embarrassed that she’d rambled so much, but one look at Jason told her she needn’t have worried, he was smiling at her fondly, and there were the butterflies in her stomach again.

Mercifully Jason turned away to look at the tank before Y/N could start blushing. His eyes began to follow the groups of fish as they swam through the tank, in and out of coral, sometimes fast, sometimes slower. There was a silence between them for a while, before Jason spoke up.

“I really like fish, not just the cool ones like sharks, all of them, not really sure why but I’ve always loved watching them” He paused for a moment before continuing. “You were right, I have been here before, too many times to count, I just love to  watch the fish swimming around, it’s really...calming and peaceful I guess. I used to come here all the time as a kid, if I was ever upset or stressed about anything coming here for a couple of hours always made me feel so much better”

His brow furrowed for a moment as if remembering something unpleasant, but his eyes remained focused on the fish in the tank. “I guess that was the reason I wanted to bring you here, partly cause it’s an important place to me and partly so that if I got nervous I could just watch the fish and calm down a bit”.

Whilst Jason hadn’t taken his eyes of the fish, Y/N hadn’t taken her eyes off of Jason. Hearing him be so open and honest with her and knowing that he wanted to bring her somewhere that meant so much to him had made her heart clench in the best way possible.

He had been right too, watching the fish had relaxed him, she could see it in his posture, his shoulders were lowered, his hands held loosely at his sides and his face had a soft expression on his face with a slightly goofy smile on his lips.

Y/N felt a warmth spread through her entire body at seeing Jason like this, and a desire to be the person that could give him that relaxed feeling, fish or no fish.

She didn’t say a word as she walked up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist in a tight embrace before going on her tiptoes to give him a kiss on the cheek.

Holy crap I think I’m falling in love with him Y/N thought absently, but you know what? She was completely fine with that.

[trylonandperisphere]

Silent Retreat 2: When The World Breaks Through, Ch. 29

So, this is it, the final chapter. This writing of this fic was a long, bumpy road, and I have many people to thank for their help along the way, including my OBFrankenfic buddies who betaed now and then, my patrons who made it possible for me to spend more time writing and imbibe sufficient caffeine and nourishment, and every one of you readers, especially the ones who took the time to send me a kind word or comment. I so wanted to finish this fic and have it over with, and yet I find myself melancholy at the end of it, at the same time - probably because my OB fic writing days seem to be numbered. I have a few small Cophine projects left, but I'm hoping to move on to writing original work, as well as publishing an original adaption of The Swan and The Dove. I thank you all, and hope you will consider reading my other writing as I try to develop it into more than just a hobby. I will post updates on what I'm up here on my tumblr blog.

As always, you can also read this on ff.net or AO3.

Gratitude & XOXO, - trylonandperisphere

Of course there were things we never talked about with our “handlers.”

 We made the decision never to tell them about Sevvy’s special abilities.  He hung out with his cousin Kira, sometimes, who had started communicating with people in what I guess you would call “intuitive circles.”  Never in a flashy way, but to learn more about the feelings they got, and how to handle them.  We took the track of guiding him not to talk about it too much in public, but letting him know that he could look into it more as he got older, if he wanted to.  Of course it fascinated me, both from a energetic/spiritual point of view and a scientific one.  Had something been triggered in our genes when we were created, something that made our children sensitive?  Yet, the last thing I wanted was for them to ever feel experimented on.  There had been enough of that to go around in our family a long time ago.

But there was an advantage in Sevvy and Kira feeling and knowing things as they did.  As much as I had to work with my judgement and intuition, I felt that I could relax a bit as I moved into my new life, knowing that they would sound an alarm if the government agencies, or anyone else, weren’t to be trusted.  For all the things that had happened to me and my family, in some ways I was incredibly lucky.  I had thought it was my job to protect Sevvy and that I had fucked up.  But it not only turned out okay, it turned out that he helped me love and trust others, again, in a way that all my meditation and yoga never quite reached.

 He helped me trust the love of my life, again.

 Good thing, too, because for all my smarts, some things I was just as stupid about as the next human being.

 I was smart enough to stop running, to take the deal.  To tell the truth, I was excited to get back into science, again.  Sure, I had fears that I had gotten out of touch, forgotten too much, maybe gotten a little long in the tooth or out of the loop to keep up with the the younger minds who hadn’t been away from grad school.  But it actually felt like reuniting with a part of me I’d left behind, too.  I ran out way before classes started and got a bunch of hard-copy books and study aids to go with my digital ones.  I had missed the heft of them, the feel of the paper in my hands and under my highlighter and pen as I wrote comments and absorbed the information.  More than one person told me I looked like a kid in a candy store with my new school stuff spread all around me on the floor.  The meditation actually helped my memory, I found—along with the fact that I had the hottest professor on campus to help me whenever I needed.  Let the other students drool over that.

 And, in our new lab, there was a chance.  A chance that what I had learned and what we continued to learn could further help our sisters.  Maybe even the world.

 There might be problems down the line, we knew, when the administration changed hands, but that was for later.  Right now I got a life.  A life where I could legally go where I wanted to go, live where I wanted to live, see my family when I wanted to.  It almost blew my mind.

 Charlotte and MK both presented problems.  Once the youngest clone was cured, she’d have a lot of therapy and thinking to do to understand and accept what had happened, and even then, how one faux parent after another had lied to and manipulated her.  I wanted to help, somehow, but she was pretty distraught and hostile, which I suppose was fair, considering everything, plus the fact that she was then under government supervision most of the time. I was able to get occasional strained meetings every now and then with her, but mostly she remained stubbornly silent or full of contempt, until one day, out of the blue, she asked me about some of the benefits of meditation I’d mentioned.  Who knows how she opened up to it... maybe one of her therapists.  But I took it as a good sign, both that she was trying to heal herself, and maybe let go of what she had been taught about me.

 MK, of course, didn’t want to be too close to any authority.  She agreed to work with them on a case-by-case basis through us, and help track the kind of lowlifes who conduct unethical biomedical deals, hack to steal and hide large sums of money from the less fortunate, or trade deadly goods and information.  I even got to see her in person at a couple clandestine family get-togethers (sprung on me so I wouldn’t know ahead of time and fumble any lies with my agency contacts.)  She was too crafty even for best spies in the country, however, though.  She managed to disappear whenever she wanted to.

 So, our lives weren’t entirely normal.  They never had been, and they never would be.  But if they were strange, they were also exceptional in beautiful, wonderful ways.

 Like having a group of sisters so bonded, not only by being genetically identical, but by the challenges we had met because of it.

 Like having miracle children we were never supposed to have, and living through the disease that had been built into us to prevent our progeny: a double triumph of life over the attempt of some very smart, yet fundamentally flawed people who had tried to manipulate it, to control both nature and nurture, in ways which the infinite variations of existence would never let happen.

 Like having a full life, and also regaining one I thought I had lost.  

 Like getting back love.

 People complained (well, mostly Sarah,) about the long trip, but it was worth it.  Even she couldn’t stay grumpy-looking when Kira and Sevvy spotted a dolphin from the boat to the resort and started making exaggerated screeching and clicking noises at each other.  That and when Alison took a header into the pool running from a snake that turned out to be a stick on the ground.  That might have gone down as one of the most amusing days in Sarah’s life.  Thank god there wasn’t a silent retreat going on.  Her barking laughter and my semi-guilty giggles filled the air around us, and it was wonderful.  We were meant to be loud, exuberant, on this visit.

 Aurélie was as much of a hoot as when I met her in France.  She and her husband, Jean-Marc, brought their kids, but she didn’t let having a three year old and a baby stop her from going zip lining or staying up to tell silly stories about her big sister Delphine, who apparently went through a very clumsy phase in college. Nope, the younger Cormier daughter (now Carpentier) would pump her breast milk and hand it and her children off to Jean-Marc to do her thing, reminding us “I’m on holiday and we’re celebrating!” in a much more intense accent than her sister.  Honestly, I began to wonder if having that sleeping sickness as a kid had made her super awake for the rest of her life.  

 Besides, at that point, between me, her, my sisters, Shay, Scott and his wife, Bella… well, there were enough kids of various ages that we had them looking after each other like a wolf pack.  Plus, Delphine’s father seemed to be becoming doting in his older years, and we’d find him cradling the teeny one and cooing at his grandkids while his stepkids were off… well, jeez, who knows where all those kids went half the time.  I didn’t worry about it too much, with Helena around.  I figured she’d take care of any jaguar, boar, or fer-de-lance that so much as looked at the younger clan funny.  

 Plus, I had my amazing co-parenting boys to look after Sevvy while Delphine and I took care of other things.  That may not have stopped Teo from flirting shamelessly with Diego, the pilates instructor, but Michael took it in stride.  Teo loved to flirt.  He’d flirt with a rock, if he was in the mood. It was harmless, and was probably just exaggerated because he and Felix seemed to have some kind of competition going on.

 It was nice to be a guest at the resort.  I got massages, and took my family on tours.  I didn’t miss getting up early to teach classes at all, even if I did go to a couple with the kids.

 And in the morning, and at night, I had my love by my side.

 We could have stayed in one of our previous cabins for old time’s sake, but we took the honeymoon suite.  After all, that’s what we were there for.

 On the third afternoon we all snaked our way down the path and stairs, descending by the waterfall to where the river met the sea, and a few rows of chairs had been set up by a wooden arch woven with flowers on the beach.

 Margot did the honours, which were simple.  She even managed the quote in French.  We were too nervous to do our own vows, and too perfectionistic, anyway.  How do you you find the right words for something like that?  As scientists, Delphine and I could have researched what to say forever, and I didn’t want to give a performance.  But earlier in the morning, before we got ready, I whispered some lines from Audre Lorde’s Love Poem, one of our favourites, into her ear as she gasped below me, shimmering in sweat and recovering from our first round of lovemaking:

  ...And I knew when I entered her I was

high wind in her forests hollow

fingers whispering sound

honey flowed

from the split cup

impaled on a lance of tongues…*

 So no, we didn’t wait until after the wedding.  When the gulls wheeled over the ocean as we made our promises, it reminded me of the last lines of the poem.*  Maybe she thought of it, too, because I could swear I saw her blush—the most beautiful bride, and person, I’d ever seen.

 Maybe sometimes I can be smooth.  But I meant it.  And I’d do almost anything to see her that happy.  I want to see her that happy, again and again, as often as life allows, for as long as it lasts.

 Then there was the party, and it got a little wild, with my closest sisters there, all of us dancing and laughing, and Helena insisting on and winning at limbo.  And then there was the sky full of stars, and my lady and me sneaking away from the laughter and the music, and ascending, quickly as our dresses would allow, barefoot up the stairs in the water-misted night.  The frogs called their mates loudly enough to drown out our giggles, and a gecko scurried from the lintel of our cottage, deluxe as it may have been.

 The staff had lit candles, turning her skin golden and soft focus at the edges of my sight.  I wanted to remember every moment we were alone together here, again, returning to each other again and again in waves, to make up for the drought that had too long kept us apart.  I held her waist in my hands, taking her in, and my heart felt pressed against my sternum, swelling with a love so strong it bordered on painful, breath-stealing.  Her eyes met mine in that wide open, endless gaze she slips into, one hand taking my waist in return and the other tracing my clavicle.

 “Do you remember when we first saw each other again, here?” she asked.

 “Uh, yeah,” I answered, having to pull myself out of the trance I’d slipped into just contemplating her.  “I was in class, teaching.  I looked around, and… there you were.  You looked like you had seen a ghost… and I guess, in a way, you had.”  I gave her a small grin.  It had been a moment so resonant, and so difficult, in its own way.  To remember it now was poignant, almost jarring.

 “Cosima,” she breathed, and took my hands into her own.  She drew them to her lips and gently kissed the tender insides of my wrists each in turn.  “I was so shocked, and so scared, then.  Sometimes I wish I could go back in time to that day, and whisper to myself, to both of us, that it was going to be okay… that everything was happening just in time, as it was supposed to, and that our love had just been, almost… sleeping.”  Her dimples emerged and I could tell she was having one of those rare moments when her excellent English was escaping her in the face of her emotions.

 “Maybe you could bring a picture,” I teased, my grin growing.  “‘Here we are in our wedding dresses, Past Delphine.  This happens after you have to shoot somebody and rescue your bride-to-be like total badass, but you’ll get there.   P.S.: You’re going to be a mother.  Get ready to co-parent an amazing little kid with three other people.’”  She gave me a light tap on the arm in admonishment, as she often did.

 “You make fun of me, but it really shook me.  Of course, it was all worth it.  But I’m still impressed at how you were so calm and cool when it happened.”

 “I wasn’t, entirely, except…” I thought for a second.   “It’s funny.  I almost feel like I had, for a second, what Sevvy has, then.  I just had this feeling something was coming, even if it wasn’t totally conscious.  And then, when I saw you…”  I shrugged, unable to understand it, myself.  “It was like it was just right.   Like, sure, it had been ten years, but there you were, and it was like all the emotional work I’d been doing, all the healing, had made me ready for that moment.  It was inevitable.   We were inevitable, even if there was a piece of me that was still nervous, processing it.  I mean… it took me a bit to feel like we were on the same page, but… I can’t explain it, but it was just meant to be, and that storm brought you to me, finally at the right time in our lives, when we could work out everything that had happened in-between.”

 She hummed softly, in approval, and her hands found my face, stroking and holding it tenderly.  

 “It’s like that second storm,” I told her, and in the tilt of her head I saw that she knew what I meant: the one that had cut off our contact from each other when she was in the mountains at that conference, while Charlotte lashed out against us with her own wind and thunder, and I struggled to understand what was going on.  “There couldn’t have been a worse time for it to happen.  That’s what I thought then, anyway, when you told me about it.  Like, how was I supposed to believe that a freak accident had made you impossible to reach right when I needed you most?  It’s like it was almost put there on purpose to test my trust in you.  There was a part of me that was bringing up every terrible, difficult thing that happened between us, everything distrusting Sarah, or Felix, or anyone ever said about you…”

 She swallowed and licked her lips, hanging on my words.

 “What made you decide to believe in me?” she asked quietly.

 “Love,” I answered, and I smiled at her.  “I mean, sure, I could check the weather report, and I had Sevvy telling me things would be okay, and that helped, but…”  I shrugged again and looked down for a second, almost bashful in the intensity of the love in her eyes.  I felt my smile stretching even wider and met her golden gaze again.

 “We can believe things happen for a reason, or they don’t.  There was a time when I didn’t  believe in you.  I died from that disease that was built into me, or close enough, but I came back with your face in my vision and your voice reassuring me, within me so deep it had to be more than a thought.  But then you did what you thought was right to protect me, and I got caught up in rejection and fear…”

 Her eyes fluttered closed in pain for a second.

 “I hate to remember that time,” she breathed, “even if it is easier now than it once was.”

 “Yeah,” I acknowledged, and gave her a reassuring squeeze.  “My point is, I went down that road before, and missed out on you for ten years.  Whatever valuable life lessons I— we —learned from that, the biggest thing I learned was that, science or spirit, our hearts were meant to be together… and I wasn’t going to make that mistake again.”  

 I had just made vows to her, but I made one again.

 “I'm never going to make that mistake, again.  Not for as long as we live.”

 She took this in, and she shone from within as though the sun was breaking the horizon behind her.

 “I love you,” I told her,

 and

 “Je t’aime,” she said at the same time.

 We moved together and kissed, and it was just as right as it had ever been before, but it was different, because we’d made a commitment, we’d solidified it and vowed it in actual words before our friends and family.  We’d been through so much, apart and together.  But we’d made the promise now to never let each other walk alone through whatever life threw at us, again.

 Slowly, we undressed each other.  It felt familiar, yet new.  My pulse throbbed with the repeating mantra in my brain: we’re married, now.  This is my wife.  I’d never thought it was that important before; never thought that I was that sentimental, that a piece of paper from the state and a recitation and a ceremony that couple after couple had gone through, successfully or to end in bitterness, countless times over the centuries, would really be different from what we’d sworn to each other in private.  But it was real, now; it had weight, and depth, and meaning.  

  Delphine.  My love.

 In all the surprises I had had in my lifetime, that we had had, together, it was not the most dramatic: that making love with her, the feeling of her pulse and heat in my palm, the clasping of the inside of her body around my fingers pulling me into her with an involuntary force as true as her soul had pulled mine to hers through every obstacle, was different, now, somehow new, because we made it so by fully giving ourselves over to it; that when she brought me over the edge of reason with her mouth describing hot, pulsating patterns at the apex of my pleasure and convergence of my thighs, it was not just the flooding-nerve release it always was, plus the sweet tinge of love that turned the physical act a warmer shade of emotion; but that something within the chemistry of us had been forever altered and bonded by taking that leap, by promising: forever.

 It was not the most dramatic surprise, but it was the greatest.

 So far.  So far.

 *

Love Poem, by Audre Lorde

 Speak earth and bless me

with what is richest

make sky flow honey out of my hips

rigid as mountains

spread over a valley

carved out by the mouth of rain

 And I knew when I entered her        I was

high wind in her forest’s hollow

fingers whispering sound

honey flowed     from the split cut

impaled on a lance of tongues

on the tips of her breasts       on her navel

and my breath       howling into her entrances

through lungs of pain.

 Greedy as herring-gulls

or a child

I swing out over      the earth

over and over      again.

[porterblt]

Birth Story

Finally sitting down to write this out! Probably going to separate it into segments for ease of remembering?

Pre-Game:

April 21, my due date, came and went. I wasn’t necessarily expecting to go into labor, but I was hoping at least something would happen. Chris I had gone on a long walk around the neighborhood, and by the end of it, I was more crampy/uncomfortable than usual. I also thought he had dropped a bit lower, but wasn’t really sure. Either way, I was still pregnant AF. We went to bed.

Around 3am, I woke up with (what felt like) a painful contraction. I psyched myself up, but I ended up drifting back to sleep and nothing happened. Around 5am, Chris got up to pee and then I got up after him. When I sat up, it felt like a small gush came out. I wasn’t sure if I had peed myself (that has never happened?) and it was really hard to tell. I got up, went to the bathroom, and still couldn’t tell. The more I would bear down, the more fluid would come out. I called the OB on call, and after some back and forth (I was indecisive), she told me to go to St. Mary’s. I told Chris, and after he woke up, he immediately started cleaning the kitchen. LOL. I was shakily packing up my bag and trying to remember everything I needed, and the longer I went, the more I could feel the fluid leaking out when I bent over/lifted something/etc. When I was nearly ready, I realized that Chris had barely packed and was cleaning dishes and wiping the counter top. I finally got him to pack up his bag, and then he nervously was like, “Do you think I have time to take a shower?” CHRIS, my water broke and it’s been 30 minutes! We finally got all of our shit together and then went to the Hospital.

We got there around 6am, and had to get screened for Covid at the entrance. They took our temperatures and gave us stickers (Chris got a wrist band) and then we went to the 3rd floor to get checked in. A nurse got me situated and started an IV. A midwife came in and checked me - I was already 90% effaced, 3cm dilated, and he was -1! I had no idea I was that far along - the last I heard, I was only 1cm. She said she was really impressed by how good of a start I had. We talked about contractions (I hadn’t really had any yet) and decided that I would try to get them started by doing things around the room (couldn’t walk the halls in the hospital, unfortunately) and if I didn’t start on my own by 11am, we’d do Pitocin.

Shift change happened at 7am and I had a really sweet older nurse named Lynette, who would come check on me periodically and talk our ears off for a little while. Dr. Serrah was the dayshift OB and introduced herself - she was super nice. Then Chris and I spent the next ~5 hours just hanging out in the room. It was actually pretty pleasant. I’d get the occasional contraction, we’d have snacks, watch TV, text our relatives, etc. Finally in the late morning, Lynette was saying, “I think it’s time to start the medicine. You didn’t come here for a vacation - we’ve gotta have that baby.” So we started the Pitocin.

Labor:

I’d heard horror stories about Pitocin and how it caused super intense, awful contractions. Thankfully, she started at a pretty low dose and the contractions weren’t that bad. I didn’t even really start going into labor until 11:45 or 12. When they hit, they were like period cramps. After a while, Lynette checked on me and said, “Ok, let’s bump it up.” I’d do a nervous laugh every time she said that. I told Chris it was like the machine in the Pit of Despair from Princess Bride. Each level would make you feel worse and worse. It was like, “Oh, you’re not uncomfortable enough. Let’s change that.” Then, around 1pm, we started hearing a woman across the hall yelling. We just looked at each other nervously. Her yelling became bellowing, which became shrieking. Lynette would come to check on me, increase the medication dose yet again, and then we’d listen to the screaming lady. Oh, and this whole time I was basically doing squats, bouncing on an exercise ball, pacing the room, etc. She said that I needed to do things to get him lower into my pelvis, which would make the contractions more intense and more effective.

Finally Lynette was like, “You’ve been up for a while, do you want to get in bed and rest for a bit? You need to save your energy for when things really get going!” By this time I was already starting to feel a bit uncomfortable, and was like “Oh, ahahah yeah, when things get going...” Also, I had no idea I was allowed to rest in bed! I clumsily climbed in and she was like, “Let me get the peanut ball!” and came back with this giant, peanut-shaped exercise ball to keep in between my knees. That way Everett could still work his way down into my pelvis while I was lying down. I was somehow able to doze a little bit, and then Chris decided to step out for a few minutes to walk around and get some air. Of course, about 10 minutes after he left the contractions started to get pretty bad. I didn’t have my phone (it was plugged in and sitting in the chair next to my bed, out of reach) and I weakly called out, “Hey, Siri!” trying to get it to text Chris and tell him to come back. I got out of bed with great difficulty, and Lynette came back in to check on me. She gave me my phone and I was able to text Chris, which he didn’t respond to. The contractions were getting way more intense and close together, and I was getting to the point where I wasn’t able to really stand or talk while each one was happening. I told Lynette that I was feeling like it was time for the epidural. She opened up my fluids to get my blood pressure up and called the anesthesiologist. This was maybe around 2:15? I finally called Chris and told him to come up. He was like “Oh yeah, sorry!” and he hurried back up to me. He had been walking around the courtyard and then in the chapel. He had ended up being gone for about 40 minutes. He immediately came over and was helping me stay steady through each contraction. They were pretty rough. They were like really strong period cramps that went up my back and down to my thighs.

After another phone call, the anesthesiologist finally moseyed into the room and started the epidural around 3:15. I was pretty nervous about what the pain would be, and it was hard not to imagine the needle going into my back. It definitely felt weird and hurt, but the pain was so fleeting and before I knew it, the procedure was done. After about 5 minutes, Everett’s heart rate started to go down with each contraction, and my blood pressure was getting a little low. Lynette picked up on this right away, and when she checked me she said, “OH. Wow. you’re nearly 10cm!” She hit the call button and urgently asked for help to set up the room. A couple of people came in and started setting things up. I looked over at Chris and suddenly started crying. I was so scared, and things went so fast! I had literally just gotten the epidural! Lynette kept saying, “She’s 9cm and a lip!” I had no idea what that meant, though she finally explained that the only thing that was preventing me from being 10cm was a tiny part of my cervix on one side. The doctor came in and checked me, and confirmed that I was nearly 10cm. They started asking my if I noticed contractions, and I was like, “Oh, I’ve been having contractions this whole time! I forgot!” It was amazing how numb I got, and how quickly it happened! I could still move my legs, but they were very heavy. My skin was totally numb - it was like being at the dentist and touching the side of my face and not being able to feel it. By this time, the next nurse came in (I forgot her name!! Kylie maybe?) and she was pretty nice. I was sad to see Lynette go, because we had made it all morning and I was hoping she’d be there to deliver the baby. They had me get into different positions with my legs propped up, hoping to get that last bit of cervix to open up. Lynette stuck around for a little bit to keep charting, but she eventually left around 4:15. I kept doing stuff with the peanut ball and finally around 5pm, the doctor came back in to check me. She was like, “Yep, we’re at 10cm! Looks like it’s time to start pushing!”

Pushing:

I was nervously like, “Oh, ok!” and looked over at Chris with panic in my eyes, hah. She and Kylie got my legs into the stirrups and described vaguely what I needed to be doing. I had to put my mask on for this part. By this time I was able to feel a weird pressure whenever there was a contraction, but it wasn’t painful. It felt a little bit like I needed to poop. Dr. Serrah said, “Ok, here’s another contraction. On the count of three, you’re going to push! One, two, three!” I pushed hard, and felt this warm fluid shoot out. I was super confused and thought that more amniotic fluid came out. Turns out, I peed everywhere!! Because of the epidural I couldn’t feel my bladder and I had no idea that I even had to go. They chuckled and I was SUPER embarrassed. They used a catheter and emptied my bladder (which I couldn’t feel at all, THANK GOD). We waited a couple more minutes, and then during the next contraction I pushed. It must’ve been a pretty weak couple of pushes, because Dr. Serrah was like, “Ok, well I’ll leave you with Kylie for a bit and she’ll help you work on those pushes!” and she rolled out. I was a little surprised, I thought pushing meant things would start happening quickly? Apparently not. With each contraction, I was taking super deep breaths, which made me cough, which prevented me from being able to push effectively. I finally got my breathing sorted out, and we worked out a system. I rolled on my side, and when a contraction came, I’d take a deep breath and push for ten seconds, then take a deep breath, then push for ten more seconds, take a deep breath, and then push one more time for ten seconds. We did this throughout three contractions, then I rolled onto my back and we repeated it. I finally got the hang of what correct pushing needed to feel like. It literally was like trying to push out a giant poop. That’s what it felt like. And it felt like the poop wasn’t getting ANY closer. Eventually I started to feel more discomfort with each push. I rotated to my right side, then to my left, then on my back...I don’t know how many times I pushed, but it was over an hour. Finally it was getting really painful and I asked Kylie if I could crank up the epidural a little more. She was like, “Oh, well, you’re going to feel some pressure. It’s not going to get rid of all the pain.” Ok, I can handle a lot of pressure. But as we went on, the pressure turned into the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life. To the point where I was crying and pleading with Chris, saying that I was afraid to push and didn’t think I could do it because it was so painful. I was holding his hands and squeezing them so hard. Finally, something in me just gave in and I pushed through the pain. With each push, I locked eyes with Chris and he helped me through it. They kept saying “You’re so close, he’s nearly here! You’re so close!!” and I’d suffer through another push, but then he still wouldn’t be there. Then finally, as I was hitting my breaking point, they said, “PUSH!!” and I pushed and pushed and then there was this horrific pain and then I saw a head come out, and within seconds the rest of his body came out. Then within another few seconds, he was dried off and on my chest. It was amazing and so surreal. I was completely exhausted, but I had this tiny, slimy baby on my chest. Chris was next to me, just staring at Everett and sobbing. He was officially born at 1855. I delivered the placenta (which I vaguely felt) and then she started assessing the damage from delivery. Everett was so quiet and sweet, and Chris was taking videos of him. Because of his little head facing away and the position of my mask, I had no idea what he looked like. After 5 or so minutes, I said, “Chris, what does he look like? Can you show me a picture?” Chris took a picture and showed me on his phone. I saw a little wet face and two big eyes that were just looking around, taking in their new world. They had Chris cut the umbilical cord (which I think he didn’t really want to do, hahah) and then we all just laid there quietly. Chris sent pictures and videos to the family and we just soaked it all in.

While we were in baby bliss, there were lots of people bustling in and out of the room. The doctor told me that I had two tears and that she was stitching them up for me. I felt them and it hurt, but it seemed minuscule compared to what I had already gone through. After about an hour, they took Everett over to get weighed and measured. 8lbs 1oz, and 21 1/4 inches long. Our little boy!! They swaddled him up and gave him to Chris. Held him for the first time, and it was completely beautiful. I took a couple of pictures. He just held Everett and looked down at his tiny face. They gave him back to me and then a Mother Infant nurse came in to talk to us for a few minutes. They were going to give me more time to recover and be monitored, and then we were going to get rolled over to the MIU. I tried to nurse Everett and he did it for an hour! He probably only got like, three drops out, but it was so sweet and I just stared at him the entire time. We just kept lying around and soaking it all in until about 9:30pm, when we got wheeled over to our new room. We met our new nurse, Sam, and then got settled. Chris went to Sonic (one of the only restaurants open) and got me a cheeseburger and milkshake. I was starving and exhausted, but so so happy. We called our families and talked to them for a bit. Then we settled in for the night.

Recovery:

This part is kind of a blur, because all the days kind of melted together. We were there until Friday morning, when we got discharged. The first night I got mayyyybe three hours of sleep? I was in a bit of pain, and I knew I had to wake Everett up every 2 hours to feed him. Again, I felt like I had no milk and wasn’t really sure how to feed him, but I was doing my best. Chris slept on the window seat that doubled as a bed (we called it his “shelf,” haha). The nurse would pop in every few hours to check his and my vital signs, but for the most part she gave us space to sleep. She’d change his diaper and give me little tidbits. Everett was so sleepy and sweet, he hardly cried at all that entire night/next morning. Getting up to go to the bathroom was rough. I was in so much discomfort and to be honest, was afraid to pee. Haha. But I figured out the rhythm and things ended up being ok. The next morning there was shift change, and our new nurse (I forget her name) was very sweet and seemed kind of young. I wasn’t crazy about her at first, but she ended up being really nice and helpful as the day went on. 

A lactation consultant popped in in the afternoon and helped me with some basic things. Everett was a really sleepy eater and wouldn’t stay away for more than a few seconds at a time to eat. She gave me a lot of information and said off-handedly, “Oh, and sometime around the 24-hour mark he’ll start cluster feeding. So be prepared for that.” Ok, good to know? Wowww, she did not even remotely prepare me for what was going to happen. At that point in time, the only way I could tell that he was hungry was if he would open his mouth and root around, or make a clicking noise with his tongue. Around 3 or 4, he started to get hungry and wanted to eat. And eat. And I’d put him back in the bassinet, and then he’d want to eat some more. At this point, I’d only had like, 5 hours of sleep total over the past couple of days so I was getting pretty tired. Sometime around shift-change, we had a new nurse come in who was probably in her 60′s named Shirley and said, “Oh, I’m a lactation consultant! I can help you with x y z!” Well, then she left and I didn’t see her for hours. Everett’s feedings became longer and closer together. At one point, he just got so worked up and I got worked up. He was crying and screaming and I was crying. I just didn’t know what to do, and I was so tired. Every time I put him down, all he wanted to do was eat again. Soon it was after midnight and we still hadn’t seen our nurse. I didn’t want to hit the call bell for help (I just felt like it was stupid, like, “Help, my baby is crying,” I didn’t want to bother her I guess). Our nurse from the first night, Sam, happened to walk by and heard Everett’s screams (hah). She came in to see if we were ok and was surprised that Everett and I were a total mess. She took Everett and calmed him down, then re-swaddled him. She told me that with clusterfeeding, sometimes babies can smell their moms and want to keep eating, even if they’re not hungry. She said she’d come back around in about 45 minutes and take Everett to the nursery so we could get some sleep. She left and must’ve told our nurse Shirley that I was upset because she came in and was like, “Ohh, I’m so sorry, you should’ve hit your bell! I didn’t know you were having such a hard time in here!” She gave me some tips that were a little helpful and then eventually left. Sam came by around 1:30 and took Everett. He screamed and cried and I could hear him going all the way down the hall. I was crying and saying to Chris, “They’re not going to get him to calm down and he’ll have to come back and I won’t get any sleep at all.” Chris, of course, was calm and collected and said, “Nope, they know what they’re doing. Just get some sleep.” And luckily, he was totally right - I conked out and slept hard for three and a half hours. Same brought him back and said that as soon as they settled him in the nursery, he immediately stopped crying and fell right asleep. I was so, so grateful for the rest. She came in and checked on us a couple more times during the night, and it was so nice. I liked her the best out of all my nurses.

Around 5:30, a pediatrician came bustling into the room and grabbed Everett (who had been nursing for about an hour - I was exhausted and sore) and he  assessed him, got him all worked up, then haphazardly swaddled him and handed him back to me. Poor Everett was crying and flailing his little arms and started screaming. The pediatrician said, “Man, that kid’s got a set of lungs!” I asked him to give us some guidance on Covid, and he just flopped down on the window seat next to Chris and started talking about the “orientals” wearing masks and how not many babies or children had contracted the virus that they knew of. He basically said that we shouldn’t worry too much, and then left. We weren’t sure how much we should trust him. Chris re-swaddled Everett and we got some sleep before shift change came in. 

[deathtonormalcy56]

I Confess - Part 8

Summary: After confronting Sam, the reader chooses to run away to start a new life as far away from the Winchesters as possible. But what happens when she’s gifted with an unexpected surprise?

Characters: Dean, Sam, Reader, and a surprise OFC!

Word Count: 3157

Warnings: Mild angst, mention of terminal illness (god don’t hate me), some nice resolution and fluff (?) at the end

A/N: This is it. This is the final part of I Confess. Honestly, posting this makes me so emotional because it’s grown so dear to my heart. Even though it took me basically a whole year to get it done, I’m sad to see this finally come to an end. Thanks again for all the support you all have shown me and for all the love you’ve given this story. I hope you enjoy the ending as much as I’ve enjoyed writing it. xoxo

I Confess Masterlist

The events that followed the night Sam left were a blur. His silhouette gliding out of the motel room burned too bright, overshadowing the details of your great escape. After twenty years, all you could muster were glimpses of you hastily packing the little belongings you had brought with you, and sprinting in the cool night towards the nearest bus stop. At the time, you didn’t care about the end location. It was just about your departure, and being as far away from the Winchesters as you could be.

Eventually, you found yourself in a small town off the coast of Washington. The kind of place where everyone knew everyone, making you a complete outsider. You didn't mind at the time. You weren't planning on settling anywhere. The goal was to hop from place to place across the continental U.S. – just long enough until you found the perfect distance where the invisible cord between you and the boys would snap from the mileage.

Well, that was the goal.

Finding a vacancy in a family run cabin rental joint, you had decided to stay only as long as necessary to scrape up enough cash to scram before anyone got too attached. But everyone knows how small towns work – they’re black holes that suck you in with their charm and sense of belonging. Which is what drew you to stay like a bee to honey, wasn’t it? To fit in? To have a new place to call home?

You had noticed the way the cabin owners – the Jones - glanced at you as you would walk to the main lobby for whatever toiletries you needed to be refreshed that day. It was one of pity and the desperate urge to help the poor woman who was all on her own.

By the end of your first week, the older couple pulled you aside and offered you a full-time job at the front desk and your current cabin as your permanent residence. Mrs. Jones gently placed her palm on your tightly closed hands, and her soft, yet sweet, plea to agree was all it took.

Just shy of two months in Washington, you awoke one morning utterly sick to your stomach. Thinking it was the typical stomach bug, you begrudgingly made your way to the office to ask for the day off. But you had barely finished your sentence before Mrs. Jones interrupted with a kind-hearted chuckle.

“Oh sweetie, that isn’t some stomach flu- trust me. This ol’ lady knows a little something, something about morning sickness.”

You remember laughing nervously. The high-pitched cackle reverbed off the tan walls. Sure, you had been busy in the last three months, but there was no way in hell you of all people were pregnant. But after a straight week of being triggered by any slight smell, making an appointment with the OB/GYN didn’t seem like such a bad idea.

“(Y/N), I have the results,” Bridget’s voice, the doctor, crackled over the phone as you anxiously bit your fingernails, “It seems like Susan was correct, you’re going to have a baby.”

Bridget continued to go on and on but all you heard was static. You, (Y/N) (Y/L/N), hunter of all things that go bump in the night, were going to be a mother. “Now there’s only one thing that’s kind of important to know, if it’s okay with you,” Bridget continued, “who’s the father?”

Bile rose in your throat, and you weren’t sure if it was another wave of morning sickness, or because you realized that you had no clue how to answer her question. Again, you had been busy, and it wasn’t exactly like you were completely devoted to one within a span of two and a half weeks.

Quickly you indirectly answered her inquiry – making some story up about how he was a one-night stand gone wrong. Bridget bought it easily.

The next months were spent waiting for Ezra, your baby girl. As nervous as you were, you found delight in the little things that came with the preparation of her arrival. Scouting for the perfect crib and nursery decorations, meticulously picking out the cutest clothes with Mrs. Jones. You even had your very own baby shower.

Enamored by it all you pushed the still unanswered question into the depths of your mind. The thought of who’s Ezra could be wasn’t shown the glimpse of day until September 20th – the day you finally held her in your arms.

Her tiny finger attempted to curl around yours, her face softened as she drifted off to slumber.  Her lips pouted but curved into a slight smile that revealed two dimples in her cheeks. As you watched her go in and out of sleep that night, you etched every detail of her into your memory. From the way her hair settled neatly on her head, to how she giggled out loud while she dreamt. 

Though what caught your attention were her eyes. Nothing like yours, they sparkled in the white light of the hospital room. Her irises were crystal clear, so clear you could see the variations of color swirl together to create one beautiful masterpiece.

There was only one person who had eyes like Ezra’s and you didn’t need a paternal test to prove it. You just knew.

Just like that motherhood was added to your list of talents. Was it easy? No, but years full of laughter, late night cuddles, movies, and even some tears flew by nonetheless. Your new life with Ezra was nothing less than perfect.

Well, it was perfect.

Before you knew it, it was Ezra’s twentieth birthday – your baby was all grown up. Humming along to the radio that was softly playing, you shimmied around the kitchen as you began the necessary steps to make the best – what you thought would be at least – birthday cake when you were overcome with a coughing fit.

You brought your hand up to your mouth reflexively and didn’t even think anything of it until you pulled it away to find it speckled with blood. Hearing you from the other room, Ezra popped her head in to make sure you were alright.

“Mom, you ok-,” she paused, noticing the splotches of red on your palm, “Get in the car. Now.”

Ezra had always been stubborn. It didn’t matter how many times you tried to reassure her that you were completely fine and to let you prepare for her birthday, she silently dragged you to the car and hopped into the driver’s seat.

You continued to tell her that and even told the doctor at the hospital that there was nothing, whatsoever, that could be wrong with you. You drank enough water, ate enough vegetables, and were still fit for someone your age. You were practically invincible.

After a couple of painful hours of flipping through the cheap cable provided by the hospital, your doctor came back with a multitude of test results. Glancing up at his gloom face, your stomach immediately dropped.

"Ezra, you might want to sit down," his words were shockingly smooth in comparison to his demeanor, "(Y/N), I got the test results back and-and they came back positive for lung cancer.”

Much of what he said after that was white noise. The only words that came across were ‘cancer' and ‘far along.' Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Ezra slumped in her chair. Her eyes were as wide as saucers as she hung onto every word the doctor said.

“So, she can get treatments, right?” Her voice didn’t quiver as she intently stared at him.

“Yes,” he answered tentatively, “but in (Y/N)’s current state it isn’t likely that it will work. That’s not taking into consideration how the after effects of the treatments would take a toll on her body in the process.”

“No,” you spoke up, your voice much softer than you intended. The doctor and Ezra shifted their gaze towards you for the first time since he came in. Taking a deep breath, you pushed the tingling sensation of a cough down and continued, “I’m not doing the treatments.”

Ezra’s eyebrows scrunched together, her mouth agape as her brain processed your words. “Mom, no,” she stuttered out, “you have to -.”

“I don’t have to do anything,” your eyes slid over to meet hers. Her face flinched the slightest under your heavy gaze. “I’m not going to spend the last months of my life in pain just for the chance to increase my longevity by a couple of hours.”

The air in the hospital room was thick. You could feel the doctor eyeing you cautiously. This couldn’t have been the first time a patient had opted for no treatment, but you knew your decision affected him nonetheless. He dedicated his life to helping people, people like you, and you threw it back ungratefully. 

“But mom, please.” Ezra’s voice came out as a broken plea. Her eyes begged for you to reconsider, but there was no going back.

Licking your lips, you gave her an apologetic glance before quickly breaking it. “So, doctor, you know my choice,” you were surprised at how steady your tone remained although on the inside you could sense the onset of fear, “can I go home now?”

And that is how the end of your life begun.

Shortly after you were discharged from the hospital, the guilt of lying to Ezra about who you were before her birth slowly ate at you. You knew you couldn’t move on from this world without telling her the truth. Which is why one late afternoon you plopped yourself down at your desk with nothing but a blank leather journal and a plain black pen.

Using the cracks of sunlight that filtered through the wooden shades as your light, you began to write.

You wrote the story of a young woman who had needed to lose everything in her life for the random chance to gain it all back with one encounter with a tall, shaggy-haired guy at a bar and his doofus big brother. How everything she had thought about the world was torn to shreds, as she learned about every possible thing that goes bump in the night. One of heartache, pain, and the struggles of two boys and a girl who wanted nothing more than to save the world, of unrequited love and one mistake.

More importantly, it was the story of you and everything that had to precede before you could start your life with Ezra. It was a story for Ezra.

Unsure of how you managed to chronicle the last couple of decades of your life in only one night, you couldn’t help but faintly smile as you ran your fingers against the soft cover. Satisfied with your work, you snuck it into your bedside table where it remained until the perfect moment.

Six months passed and you enjoyed every second of every day that you had with Ezra. Yet even the joy you had couldn’t prevent the reality of the situation at hand. Your health deteriorated until it became difficult for you to even shift in your bed.

One Wednesday morning you were blessed with a beautiful view. The birds were chirping, and the sun rays were just beginning to peek over the snowy mountain tops. Ezra was lying next to you, telling you some silly story from school, but it was too strenuous to focus on her. It was too strenuous to do much of anything.

"Ezra, honey, can you do me a favor?" Your voice was thin and airy, the sentence almost inaudible to the untrained ear. You couldn't help but put on a feeble smile as her face perked up from the request. Imprinting the image in your mind, you slowly stated your request, "Could you get me something from my bedside table? There should be a brown leather book somewhere in there."

Without any resistance, Ezra slid off the bed and padded over to your bedside table. Moments later she carefully, any sudden jolt hurt you immensely at the time, sat back down next to you with it in hand.

"Baby, I know you don't want to hear this, but it's time," the words were faint. So faint as to make you believe that she hadn't heard you until her hand slid over the bed sheet to gently cup yours.

You watched as Ezra sucked in her lower lip and clenched it between her teeth – a terrible habit she had gotten from you. She did not meet your eyes, simply burrowing them into the book on her lap.

“Ezra, there’s -,” a throaty, wet cough interrupted your sentence. Your daughter immediately jerked up at the sound in concern, but you threw your palm up just as fast to stop her. Dragging the back of your hand against your mouth, you continued, “There’s something I have been wanting to tell you for a long time – about where I came from, how you came to be, but more importantly where part of you belongs.

I – I never told you out of fear. The fear of being hated, or judged, but when I was given the exact timetable of the rest of my life I knew I had to come clean. That book in your lap isn’t just some other journal, sweetheart. It’s the story of me.”

“Mom, I don’t understand,” Ezra quizzically glanced between you and the journal.

Another cough raked through your body, this one harder than the last. You groaned as the fit stalled to an end. You knew you didn’t have much time. With the little strength you had left, you gave your daughter’s hand a slight squeeze, “Read it, Ezra. You’ll understand when you do.”

The edges of your vision blurred as you let yourself sink into your pillow. “Mom?” you heard Ezra speak out, but the sound was distant. More difficult than you had thought it to be, you turned your head to face her. You could see worry lines crease in her forehead as your breathing became labored, but you used what limited energy you had left to zone in on her eyes.

“I love you, baby,” black spots shoved their way into your eyesight, but failed to block the glistening tears that streamed down Ezra’s cheeks, “Momma loves you so much.”

Ezra stumbled out of her car and almost fell face first onto the white gravel at her feet. Managing to grab hold of the edge of the door, she caught herself with a grunt. “Way to go, Ezra,” she mumbled as she stretched her tensed muscles, “You’ve finally summed up enough courage to face the other owner of half your DNA and you were about to do it with a face full of small pebbles.”

She sucked her teeth as she grabbed her backpack from the backseat and slammed the door shut. Anxiously she walked down the pathway, searching for the large brick half-moon and metal door that you had described for her in your journal. Pulling out her phone, she glanced at her GPS to double check she was heading towards the right direction.  

“Okay,” she huffed as she shrugged her backpack further onto her shoulder, “based off the coordinates mom gave me, the entrance should be right…about…here.”

Peeking up from her cell phone, Ezra took a small circle around herself. Lo-and-behold, there was the door, just like you had told her. She shoved her phone into her back pocket and hip-hopped down the cracked concrete stairs to knock on it.

Swaying back and forth on her heels nervously, she gnawed on her lip as she tried to pull together some sort of opening line. Getting stuck between something along the lines of ‘Hey, you don’t know me, but I know you,’ Ezra failed to get her wits together before the door creaked open slowly.

“Can I help you?” A tall man in a red button-down gruffly asked. Ezra blankly stared at him, unsure of what to do or think. Seeing that she wasn’t a threat, the hand that was obviously holding something behind his back slowly moved to relax at his side.

He opened the door a little wider, letting Ezra see a bright set of green pupils analyzing her every movement. “Hey, Sammy,” he called out behind him uneasily, “I could use your help over here.”

Within seconds an even taller man approached the entryway. Running a hand to move a couple of long strands of hair out of his eyes, Ezra watched as his features curled into confusion, “You needed help with a probably lost teenage girl?”

“I – I’m not a teenage girl, I’m twenty,” she stuttered, but Ezra kept her eyes glued to them. They were older than how you had described them in the story, but she knew who they were. Hastily she slung her backpack forward to pull out the journal you had given her a month ago.

Timidly she gestured for them to take the book out of her outstretched hand, “And I’m here because an old friend of yours sent me. She gave me this to help in the convincing part.”

“An old friend?” Sam questioned as Dean cautiously grabbed hold of the now worn leather. Ezra folded her hands in front of her and nodded as Dean flipped open to the first page. His eyes grew wide as they scanned the yellowed page, “Sam, this is (Y/N)’s handwriting.”

“What?” Sam exclaimed and snatched the book out of his brother’s hands. Closing it just as fast, he directed his attention back to Ezra, “How did you get this?”

Ezra gulped at the amount of force behind his question. Fidgeting with her fingers, she rocked back and forth once more, “Well, let’s just say I know, uh (Y/N) pretty well. I actually know you guys pretty well too, thanks to that book you’re holding.”

Sam and Dean stood frozen in the doorway. Ezra could see how perplexing this all was for them, and she hadn’t even made it to the nitty-gritty part of the reason as to why she made the trip to the bunker in the first place.

“Look,” she restlessly threw her hands out in front of her, “if you want to know all the specifics about how I know (Y/N), it’s all in the journal. But, that’s not entirely the reason why I came here. I came here because there was something that she wanted to confess for the last twenty years, but never knew the right way to do so.”

“And what does that exactly have to do with you?” Dean inquired.

Taking a shaky breath, Ezra swiveled between them before landing on the one set of eyes that perfectly matched her own. She stifled a giggle at the irony of how you had been nothing but right all along.

“Because,” her lips curved into a hopeful smile, “I’m your daughter.”

Forever Babes:  @skybinx-blog @winchesterhunters67 @ashiewesker @heaven-bound-angel @iwriteaboutdean @thegreatficmaster @destiel-addict-forever@too-much-winchester @thatshellfiredean @chelsea072498@thewalkingmombie @fabulouslyboredeveryday @dumblefedoratheexplorer@kydamyankee @purgatoan @mysteriouslyme81 @fangirl1802 @chelsea-winchester @imanunbrokenfangirl @riversong-sam @notnaturalanahi@nephiliim @mogaruke @missmotherhen @adaliamalfoy @babypieandwhiskey@supernaturallymarvellous @hamartiamacguffin @feelmyroarrrr @super100012@27bmm @ahnanamouse @mamaredd123 @bohowitch @love-yourself-first-tfw @cyrilconnelly @arryn-nyx @crazynerdandproud @unkindnessphalanges

Series Tags:  @anokhi07 @lullabyjensen @deansleather @percywinchester27@sevendevilsinmyimpala @redheadglitter89 @hola-misha-minions@whywhydoyouwantmetosaymyname @your-average-distracted-waffle @mrsbatesmotel53 @nerdwholikesword @sandlee44 @wildfirewinchester

[nessnessquik]

The Nanny - Chapter 2

I am completely overwhelmed by everyone’s amazing and encouraging responses to my first chapter. It’s hard to explain just how much your comments mean to me! You guys are just the best. I hope you enjoy everything to come!

Special thanks to Corinna, my amazing Mandarin translator!! And always Kaiya and Liz. Love yall. =)

Also on AO3.

“Do I have to go to school today?” Daisy looked up at Melinda imploringly from behind her bowl of cereal.

“Eat another bite, Daisy, and yes.” Melinda answered, glancing at her daughter from the island where she was assembling a turkey and cheese sandwich for Daisy’s lunchbox. The disappointment on Daisy’s little face made her want to change her mind, but her shift started in an hour. She couldn’t call out now unless there was some kind of emergency.

“But-but I wanna go to work with you.” Daisy sounded like she was on the verge of tears.

Melinda set down the sandwich and immediately went to crouch beside her little girl. She was used to Daisy's reluctance to part from her. Especially when she was a baby, her separation anxiety had made it difficult for Melinda to go anywhere alone. But this was something different. She usually wasn't this clingy anymore unless she was sick...or something was upsetting her.

“Daisy, xiǎo huā,” Melinda had given Daisy the Mandarin nickname when she was still just a baby: little flower. Melinda put a hand on her back and switched to Mandarin, as she frequently did at the house with Daisy. “What’s wrong?” She probed.

Daisy put her spoon down and threw her arms around Melinda’s neck for a hug. “I don’t wanna go to school. And I don’t like aftercare. I wanna stay with you.” Daisy’s voice was muffled by Melinda’s shirt.

Melinda held onto her and stood up, rubbing her back soothingly as Daisy straddled her waist. “I know you don’t like aftercare, xiǎo huā, but Mama has to go to work.”

She was loathe to leave Daisy in the daycare program after school. Her previous nanny, who moved away in January, usually picked her up right after her class ended. The past couple of months without a nanny meant that most days, Daisy had to stay in aftercare until she (or Peggy or Maria) were able to pick her up. Even though the school was good and the teachers were kind, Daisy expressed how much she disliked it. On particularly long or bad days, she would cry in class about having to go. Ms. Anne Weaver, Daisy's VPK teacher, explained to her that Daisy played by herself most of the time in aftercare. She thought it had to do with the fact that many of the other students in aftercare were older, and none of her classmates stayed after school. Melinda hated that her daughter had to be in a place where she felt she didn’t fit in, but without a nanny there was just no way for her to make sure Daisy was taken care of for those few hours without being at the school. Part of the burden of being a single mother, she supposed.

Melinda could feel Daisy relaxing in her arms the longer she held her, and finally Melinda pulled back to look into her daughter’s face.

“Hey,” Melinda moved the brown strands of hair away from Daisy’s face. “Guess what tomorrow is? My day off! You know what that means.” She saw the beginnings of a smile start to creep up. “We can do Tai Chi in the morning, and after school we’ll go to Aunt Peggy and Aunt Maria’s classes at the gym. Then at night we’ll eat ice cream. How’s that sound?”

“And play Chutes ‘n’ Ladders?”

Melinda groaned, causing Daisy to let out a giggle. “Okay, Chutes and Ladders too.”

Daisy hugged her once more. “Wǒ ài nǐ, Mommy.”

I love you. The phrase warmed her soul. “Wǒ ài nǐ, xiǎo huā.” Melinda set her down. “Now, finish your cereal.”

Daisy peered into her bowl and wrinkled her nose. “But it’s all squishy now.”

Melinda sighed and quickly began packing Daisy’s lunch away. Their little heart to heart (though she cherished every second of it) had left them with little time to linger. Looked like it was going to be another protein bar breakfast kind of morning.

“Okay, go get your shoes and backpack on, I’ll be right there.”

Melinda was sitting at her desk, reading through a few patient files and filling out paperwork when Natasha barged through her doorway, knocking once as if that was all the warning she needed.

“What are you waiting for?” Natasha demanded, hand on her hip.

“This mother’s latest report from her OB/GYN.” Melinda replied without looking up.

“I’m talking about Phil. You haven’t called him yet.”

Melinda finally lifted her head to roll her eyes. “I’ve been a little busy. And how did you even know about that?”

“Pepper told me.” Natasha sat on her desk, which she knew Melinda hated, and leaned on some of her papers. “Phil was one of Clint’s teachers in high school, so when he moved back here, Clint introduced us. I think you and Daisy would like him.”

“Good to know. Now get off my desk and go find someone to patch up.” Melinda knew what Natasha was doing. She was trying to annoy her into contacting the man.

“Are you going to call him?”

Melinda sighed. “Nat, you’re more of a four year old than Daisy is sometimes.”

Natasha folded her arms. “Well where do you think she gets it from?”

Melinda shook her head, concealing her smile. “For your information, I was going to call him today.”

“Hmm, well let me help you with that.” Nat swiped up her phone from her desk faster than she could blink and, moving just out of reach, began dialing Phil’s number.

“Natasha!” Melinda lunged and grabbed the phone back, but it had already started ringing. The glare Melinda sent the redhead would have caused every intern (and some doctors, for that matter) to apologize profusely and run the opposite way, but her friend just grinned back.

“You’re welcome!” Natasha called out as she left, shutting the door behind her.

Melinda huffed in annoyance, but quickly turned her attention to the phone...which had just stopped ringing.

“Hello?”

“Dr. May? Hi.” The man stuck his hand out, his blue eyes betraying some nervousness despite his easy smile. “Phil Coulson.”

“Most people just call me ‘May,’” Melinda stood briefly to shake his hand. “Thanks for agreeing to meet on such short notice.” She gestured for him to sit in the chair across from her before sitting back down.

Melinda chose her favorite breakfast cafe as a meeting spot for her interview with the renowned-yet-surprisingly-ordinary-looking Phil Coulson. The mid-morning sun peeking through a few clouds and the gentle breeze made for a very pleasant day for an outdoor brunch.

Phil thanked her as he seated himself, looking around the quaint patio and the rest of the cafe and nodding in appreciation. “I’ve never been here before, but I find that those little, lesser-known restaurants are usually the best ones, don’t you think?”

Melinda nodded in agreement, gazing at the property fondly. “I’ve been coming here for years. The owner, Sif, and her husband are good people.”

“How long have you lived here?” Phil asked, leaning forward with eager eyes.

Melinda cocked an eyebrow. “Aren’t I supposed to be the one asking questions here?”

“Oh-geez, yeah you’re right. Sorry.” Phil seemed to deflate slightly as he looked away from her to study his menu instead.

Melinda suppressed a smile at Phil’s obvious embarrassment. It was healthy to be a little nervous at an interview-it meant that he cared about what she thought about him.

All the same, Melinda could almost hear her mother’s voice in her head, chiding her for speaking without thinking first.

“It was just a joke, Mr. Coulson.” Melinda’s voice broke the silence. No need for him to already think the worst of her.

“Phil,” he responded immediately, looking back up at her. A slightly more cautious smile tugged one side of his mouth back up. “You can call me Phil.”

“Well, Phil, Pepper said you work at a bakery and substitute teach at a high school?” Melinda picked up her menu. “After we decide on what to eat, I’d like to hear about how you got into that.”

Melinda’s first observation was discovered less than a minute after ordering their food: Phil Coulson was a talker.

She listened, making internal notes of his appearance while he spoke: he had brown hair (thinning at the top), blue eyes (the blue button down he wore really made them stand out), average height (still a good amount of inches taller than her), nice smile and voice (sincere and pleasing), he wore a suit jacket over his dress shirt (disguising what appeared to be a strong set of arms). Hmm. Perhaps he wasn’t as ordinary as she thought he’d been when he walked up.

In fact, she mused to herself, he’s actually kind of attractive…

Was all of this information she needed to know about a nanny?

Probably not.

Melinda mentally shook herself and forced herself to tune back into Phil’s story. As his bacon and spinach quiche cooled on its plate, he told her about his difficulty in choosing a subject in college to focus on. He’d bounced around for a while until he’d finally graduated as the only history major with an excess amount of culinary electives. It was there, apparently, that he’d met and roomed with Tony Stark.

“Which was just as fun as you can imagine, if you know Tony at all.” Phil stated dryly. Melinda snorted in understanding before swallowing a forkful of her own ham and cheese quiche.

“Has he changed at all since then?” Melinda inquired.

Phil chewed a bite of his (nearly forgotten) food thoughtfully. “He likes to act the same as he did in college, but it’s more of a front now. He’s grown up a bit since then, thanks to Pepper and Fitz.”

Melinda scoffed again and muttered. “Could’ve fooled me.”

Phil grinned at her, and Melinda was surprised at how easy it was to smile back at him.

Sif chose that moment to swing by, refilling their drinks with expert precision. The brunette raised her eyebrows, glancing between her and Phil as she poured. “Enjoying everything?”

Melinda sent her a look, knowing exactly what she was hinting at.

The double meaning seemed to go right over Phil’s head as he nodded enthusiastically. “This quiche is delicious. Is there any way I could convince you to give me the recipe?”

Sif smiled. “I’ll speak to the cook.” She walked away to serve another guest, but not before throwing another smirk over her shoulder in Melinda’s direction.

She pretended not to notice.

“And after college?” Melinda prodded him.

“Oh, right. I taught history at a local high school here for a while. That was interesting since I was only a few years older than some of them. Then my father passed away suddenly and I moved back to my childhood home to be with my mom.” Phil’s eyes looked distant. “She helped me rediscover my love for baking, and she’s also the reason I came back here.” His smile was back, though it held a bit of embarrassment. “She basically kicked me out and forced me to pursue my idea of opening my own bakery.”

“She sounds like a great mom.”

“She is. She taught me a lot. She’s also the reason I love kids.” Phil fiddled with his fork. “She taught me to take care of them when I was still young myself. With a bunch of younger cousins, I was basically the family babysitter. Until, unfortunately, college forced me to retire from my budding career.”

Melinda let out a surprised chuckle at the joke. At the sound, Phil's blue eyes snapped quickly to hers and he beamed back, looking delighted with himself for causing her to laugh.

“I’ve been rambling. I’m sorry, I’ve been told I do that a lot.” Phil tilted his head as he looked at her. “What about yourself? And Daisy?”

“Daisy’s four, she’ll be five this July.” Melinda subtly ignored the prompt to speak about herself. It didn’t matter what Phil thought or knew about her personally, as long as he took good care of her daughter. This isn’t a date, it’s an interview, Melinda told herself firmly. She pulled out her phone as she spoke. “She loves dressing up, Chutes and Ladders, ice cream, and playing outside. Here’s a picture of her, in case you haven’t seen one yet.”

Phil studied the photo with a smile. “Yeah, I have seen some of you before, actually.” Melinda glanced at him quickly and watched his ears turned pink. “I mean you as in plural, like the two of you. Y’all, as some might say. Pepper and Natasha have shown me a few of you and Daisy.”

Melinda bit back a smile at his stammering. With anyone else, the admission might have sounded creepy, but with Phil it was almost...cute. In a dorky, kind of endearing sort of way.

Phil cleared his throat to break up the awkwardness. “She looks sweet.” He finally stated.

Melinda squashed down the urge to tease him, deciding it would be more professional to just ignore the exchange. “She is.” A little, affectionate smile crossed her lips as she looked at the picture. “She can also be a bit of a handful. Many of the other nannies found her difficult to keep up with.”

Melinda’s eyes suddenly focused above the picture to see the clock in bold letters. She nearly groaned aloud. When did it get so late? “I’m sorry, I need to go pick up Daisy from school now or she’ll be waiting on me.”

She stood up and grabbed her purse, then hesitated and considered Phil in front of her. He was now on his feet as well and he looked at her with slight concern in his eyes. “Would you...like to meet her?”

Phil’s eyes widened in surprise, but he quickly grinned and nodded. “I’d love to.”

[lovefuturisticmgtow]

My last two mind cells gearing up for this remaining episode.

On the season finale of 90 Day Fiancé: Happily Ever After?two couples settle into parenthood, one couple probably breaks up, another couple undoubtedly breaks up and one couple even manages to end this season with out having set foot in the identical country even as soon as during these 12 episodes. 

We kick off this episode in Las Vegas, moments after Larissa accused Colt(ee) of being in love with Mother Debbie after which fat-shamed him before storming out of the home in her high-heeled combat boots.

AS.YOU.DO

After taking a fast break on the curb outdoors, Larissa re-enters the house solely to keep the mother-loving accusations coming and to name Colt a “dirty piggy” and a “fats loser.”

We’ve been asking ourselves the same factor all season…

After a quick dialog, Colt refuses to face up to Debbie on Larissa’s behalf and finally tells her he’s completed with their relationship. 

“I don’t care anymore, I’m finished. I don’t like you. I’m uninterested in you. I’m gonna divorce you,” Colt tells Larissa. 

Larissa accuses Colt of threatening her and then tells him to “go f**okay” Deb, before strolling out the entrance door, but once more.

So, primarily, Larissa referred to as her husband a motherf**ker, as most of the wives of the present have finished earlier than. Nevertheless, she’s the only one who meant it actually.

Next we head to Tampa the place Elizabeth and Andrei are packing up to take child Andrea Eleanor residence from the hospital. Because Andrei was so preoccupied with work…ing out and avoiding any real obligations, he forgot to order Eleanor’s automotive seat, leaving them caught utilizing a free one offered by the hospital. 

Elizabeth and Andrei mooching one thing off of another person?! I find that onerous to consider…

” …and in addition what Chuck has.”

Ordinarily these two can be all about that freebie life; nevertheless, Elizabeth thinks the automotive seat is about as pointless as Andrei attending a job truthful so she complains about it on the best way house.

Subsequent we examine in with Ashleywho is back at house after being hospitalized for kidney failure. Ashley explains that her health scare stemmed from her having lupus, which tends to flare up throughout occasions of stress (i.e. her complete marriage to Jay). We then see Jay mosey into the “Mr. & Mrs.”-decorated bed room, confirming that he’s back in Pennsylvania and back in Ashley’s life, despite Ashley having simply filed for divorce. Ashley says she’s glad Jay is there to assist her, but she lets him know he’s not off the hook just but, especially if he tries to go inside 300 ft of a barbershop rest room once more. 

“Highschool courtyards aren’t off limits though, right?”

Later, Ashley and Jay visit Ashley’s divorce lawyer to withdraw the divorce submitting. Ashley’s lawyer is stunned by the news and nervous that Ashley is making a rash determination… (or perhaps she stated she thinks Ashley’s determination is going to end up giving her a rash? I imply…with all that loo bangin’ Jay’s doing, it might happen!) 

Down in Miami, Russ goes to the airport to select up his mother Pattywho might or might not have simply traveled a whole lot of miles solely to seek out out she’s not allowed to hold her grandson. Russ provides Patty some truthful warning of the state of affairs she’s strolling into and Patty isn’t too excited to listen to that the closest she could possibly get Axel is altering out the bag on his Diaper Genie. 

“I didn’t come right here to hand-wash child bottles and Pao’s bikinis, you recognize.”

Pao is sort of the treat on her personal, however once you connect a child to her, she’s downright obnoxious.

As soon as Russ and Patty arrive house, they go upstairs to greet PaolaGladys and the elusive child Axel, who’s nursing in the meanwhile. Patty decides to keep her distance to be respectful—at the least for now. 

“Look but don’t touch, Patty.”

Talking of people holding their distance… we next examine in with Nicole who is cruising some journey sites for low cost flights so she will visit Azan in Morocco, whether Azan needs her to or not. (Spoiler alert: he doesn’t.) 

Will this go terribly flawed:

After reserving a flight for herself and Might, Nicole calls Azan to inform him the excellent news and she or he does her greatest to get him pumped concerning the two of them getting married throughout her go to. As anticipated, Azan provides his greatest efficiency of a guy who isn’t about to push his wedding ceremony for a fourth time. 

We’ve got to acknowledge the quote on Nicole’s telephone that is serving some MAJOR foreshadowing…

Nicole’s mother Robbalee sits down together with her and asks what the hell she’s considering she and Azan plan to do for money but Nicole tells her not to fear about it. Robbalee suggests Nicole and Azan reside off the supposed store Azan opened, however Nicole lastly admits to her mom that the whole retailer story was bogus.

Insert gasp right here.

But to not worry, Robbalee! Nicole says Azan “has been performing some fishing stuff” these days and we’re positive he’s not referring to the cat fishing type.

After Nicole talks about eager to have babies with Azan, her phase closes with a message telling viewers that her trip to Morocco was finally cancelled. 

We’ll offer you a second to recover from the shock…

The levels of grief one goes via when watching Nicole and Azan’s scenes.

Back at Elizabeth and Andrei’s house, their monetary backer Chuck stops by to satisfy baby Eleanor and in addition to take a look at the digs he paid for. While Chuck will get acquainted with the most recent member of the family, he drills Andrei on his contributions as a father, which Andrei declares will probably be little or no because he says childcare is Elizabeth’s “division,” not his. 

“A job you refuse to do? I can hardly consider it!”

Chuck reminds Andrei that Eleanor is another mouth to feed and it’s time for him to do one thing to earn some cash. Andrei assures Chuck that he’s doing “the handyman” job and that every part can be simply positive. 

Now let’s not get ahead of ourselves…

Andrei tells Chuck to thoughts his own enterprise and Chuck says that he’ll mind his enterprise, so long as Elizabeth doesn’t maintain hitting him as much as tap into his checking account from stated enterprise. 

Back at Russ and Pao’s home, Gladys and Patty cling around and stare at their grandson from throughout the room until Patty lastly musters up the courage to ask if she will maintain him. Surprisingly, Pao caves and passes Axel to his Grammy and ultimately Gladys will get a flip as nicely. 

We completely get it, Pao… nothing screams “danger” like two middle-aged grandmas armed with presents and hugs.

Seeing Axel together with his grandmothers makes Pao emotional but the heartwarming moments quickly passes when Russ by chance drops a dish within the sink and the 2 start arguing. 

It’s good that issues are back to regular…

Once you understand motherhood didn’t rob you of your fiery Brazilian temper in any case.

It’s virtually time for Andrei’s dad to go again to Moldova and, whereas Andrei is gloomy to see him go, he reminds Elizabeth they’ll be visiting soon for his or her second wedding ceremony. Being that the couple is low on funds (as a result of someone nonetheless refuses to make any actual contribution), Elizabeth hoped this plan can be filed beneath “Issues That Will By no means Occur,” right between Andrei being named Employee of the Month and Chuck being paid back in-full.

Nevertheless, Andrei says the wedding continues to be very much occurring and can only value a measly $15,000 or so.

Ol’ Chucky higher open up a credit account at regardless of the Moldovan equal of David’s Bridal is…

“Seize a few of your dad’s American dollars and prepare to have a very good time.”

Down within the Dominican Republic, it’s virtually time for The Husband Pedro and The Wife Chantel to fly back to Atlanta, which suggests Pedro has to say goodbye to his mom and sister. Chantel opts to not say goodbye to The Family Pedro herself, given the destructive run-ins she’s had with them throughout her trip, which Pedro—- the man who likes to grind on ladies who aren’t his spouse—says is disrespectful.

Once Pedro and Chantel are back in Atlanta, Chantel is bummed that Pedro’s every day routine of enjoying video games and avoiding dialog has resumed. Pedro says he’s bitter that Chantel didn’t say goodbye to his household within the Dominican Republic, while Chantel says she nonetheless has reservations due to what Obed informed her. 

“We truly managed to stretch this argument via the complete season, didn’t we?”

Chantel asks that Pedro come clear and inform her if he did the truth is simply use her to get a Green Card, but Pedro continues to deny the claims. Pedro compares Chantel to a cockatoo as a result of he says she retains asking the identical thing again and again. He tells Chantel if she doesn’t need to be with him, she should just depart and discover somebody that makes her glad… which is evidently exactly what he plans to do himself. 

“When I’ve my Green Card, the ten years, should you no fix your angle with me… Hey, it gonna be over. I offer you time,” he says. 

“Did I just say that out loud?”

Chantel warns Pedro to not threaten her after which goes to her bedroom to cry whereas Pedro stands within the doorway doing his greatest to win the argument, despite that lame cockatoo remark he just made. 

With Russ and Pao’s moms again at their respective houses, the household of three heads out for a seashore day that doesn’t contain Pao rolling around in the sand for a photographer sporting only a smile. 

“Don’t get any ideas, woman.”

Whereas sitting at the seashore, Pao complains about Russ having to travel for work. (Hey– no less than her co-star Elizabeth doesn’t have that drawback with Andrei!)

Russ reminds her that he had one other job opportunity in Oklahoma that wouldn’t have required him to journey, but Pao didn’t need him to simply accept it. Pao tells Russ she needs to go back to modeling ultimately, however she will’t do it if he isn’t there. Russ assures Pao that with some teamwork, she gained’t have to give up her dream of being photographed nude in neon physique paint and that they gained’t have to maneuver again to the Sooner State to make it occur. 

We head to Vegas for our final stop on this episode where we find Colt shoving Larissa’s bedazzled frocks right into a busted-up cardboard field as a result of, you guessed it: Larissa was arrested. AGAIN. 

We name this piece: “How I Spent My American Trip.”

Colt explains that he and Larissa have been doing what they do greatest (arguing like wild animals) when things progressed, leaving Debbie no selection but to call the police. While Colt is packing up Larissa’s membership clothes, Debbie is available in to help and ensure Larissa didn’t snag any of her crochet turtlenecks while staying at their home. 

Debbie is apprehensive that Colt resents her for what occurred with him and Larissa, however Colt assures her he doesn’t. Debbie then provides us a strong Larissa impression when asking “Coltee” what he’ll do if Larissa tries to get back along with him. 

“Coltee’s lifeless. I’m not there for her,” Colt tells Debbie. 

Colt says whereas his marriage is over, he fears Larissa should find yourself receiving her Green Card, leaving him liable for her for the subsequent 10 years… and putting a critical damper on he and Debbie’s mother-son margarita nights. 

“Mark my phrases, we gained’t be sharing our table-side guacamole with anyone but one another.”

To learn The Ashley’s previous ’90 Day Fiancé: Fortunately Ever After?’ recaps, click right here! 

(Photographs: TLC) 

Tags: 90 Day Fiance, 90 Day Fiance Recaps, 90 Day Fiance: Fortunately Ever After?, 90 Day Fiance: Fortunately Ever After? Season 4, Andrei Castravet, Ashley Martson, Azan Tefou, Chantel Everett, Colt Johnson, Debbie Johnson, Elizabeth Potthast, Jay Smith, Larissa Dos Santos Limas, Nicole Nafziger, Paola Mayfield, Pedro Jimeno, Recaps, Russ Mayfield, Season Finales

The post A Change of Heart, A Cancelled Wedding & Another Arrest – The Ashley’s Reality Roundup appeared first on Spouting-Tech.

[7niichan-stuff-blog]

My last two mind cells gearing up for this remaining episode.

On the season finale of 90 Day Fiancé: Happily Ever After?two couples settle into parenthood, one couple probably breaks up, another couple undoubtedly breaks up and one couple even manages to end this season with out having set foot in the identical country even as soon as during these 12 episodes. 

We kick off this episode in Las Vegas, moments after Larissa accused Colt(ee) of being in love with Mother Debbie after which fat-shamed him before storming out of the home in her high-heeled combat boots.

AS.YOU.DO

After taking a fast break on the curb outdoors, Larissa re-enters the house solely to keep the mother-loving accusations coming and to name Colt a “dirty piggy” and a “fats loser.”

We’ve been asking ourselves the same factor all season…

After a quick dialog, Colt refuses to face up to Debbie on Larissa’s behalf and finally tells her he’s completed with their relationship. 

“I don’t care anymore, I’m finished. I don’t like you. I’m uninterested in you. I’m gonna divorce you,” Colt tells Larissa. 

Larissa accuses Colt of threatening her and then tells him to “go f**okay” Deb, before strolling out the entrance door, but once more.

So, primarily, Larissa referred to as her husband a motherf**ker, as most of the wives of the present have finished earlier than. Nevertheless, she’s the only one who meant it actually.

Next we head to Tampa the place Elizabeth and Andrei are packing up to take child Andrea Eleanor residence from the hospital. Because Andrei was so preoccupied with work…ing out and avoiding any real obligations, he forgot to order Eleanor’s automotive seat, leaving them caught utilizing a free one offered by the hospital. 

Elizabeth and Andrei mooching one thing off of another person?! I find that onerous to consider…

” …and in addition what Chuck has.”

Ordinarily these two can be all about that freebie life; nevertheless, Elizabeth thinks the automotive seat is about as pointless as Andrei attending a job truthful so she complains about it on the best way house.

Subsequent we examine in with Ashleywho is back at house after being hospitalized for kidney failure. Ashley explains that her health scare stemmed from her having lupus, which tends to flare up throughout occasions of stress (i.e. her complete marriage to Jay). We then see Jay mosey into the “Mr. & Mrs.”-decorated bed room, confirming that he’s back in Pennsylvania and back in Ashley’s life, despite Ashley having simply filed for divorce. Ashley says she’s glad Jay is there to assist her, but she lets him know he’s not off the hook just but, especially if he tries to go inside 300 ft of a barbershop rest room once more. 

“Highschool courtyards aren’t off limits though, right?”

Later, Ashley and Jay visit Ashley’s divorce lawyer to withdraw the divorce submitting. Ashley’s lawyer is stunned by the news and nervous that Ashley is making a rash determination… (or perhaps she stated she thinks Ashley’s determination is going to end up giving her a rash? I imply…with all that loo bangin’ Jay’s doing, it might happen!) 

Down in Miami, Russ goes to the airport to select up his mother Pattywho might or might not have simply traveled a whole lot of miles solely to seek out out she’s not allowed to hold her grandson. Russ provides Patty some truthful warning of the state of affairs she’s strolling into and Patty isn’t too excited to listen to that the closest she could possibly get Axel is altering out the bag on his Diaper Genie. 

“I didn’t come right here to hand-wash child bottles and Pao’s bikinis, you recognize.”

Pao is sort of the treat on her personal, however once you connect a child to her, she’s downright obnoxious.

As soon as Russ and Patty arrive house, they go upstairs to greet PaolaGladys and the elusive child Axel, who’s nursing in the meanwhile. Patty decides to keep her distance to be respectful—at the least for now. 

“Look but don’t touch, Patty.”

Talking of people holding their distance… we next examine in with Nicole who is cruising some journey sites for low cost flights so she will visit Azan in Morocco, whether Azan needs her to or not. (Spoiler alert: he doesn’t.) 

Will this go terribly flawed:

After reserving a flight for herself and Might, Nicole calls Azan to inform him the excellent news and she or he does her greatest to get him pumped concerning the two of them getting married throughout her go to. As anticipated, Azan provides his greatest efficiency of a guy who isn’t about to push his wedding ceremony for a fourth time. 

We’ve got to acknowledge the quote on Nicole’s telephone that is serving some MAJOR foreshadowing…

Nicole’s mother Robbalee sits down together with her and asks what the hell she’s considering she and Azan plan to do for money but Nicole tells her not to fear about it. Robbalee suggests Nicole and Azan reside off the supposed store Azan opened, however Nicole lastly admits to her mom that the whole retailer story was bogus.

Insert gasp right here.

But to not worry, Robbalee! Nicole says Azan “has been performing some fishing stuff” these days and we’re positive he’s not referring to the cat fishing type.

After Nicole talks about eager to have babies with Azan, her phase closes with a message telling viewers that her trip to Morocco was finally cancelled. 

We’ll offer you a second to recover from the shock…

The levels of grief one goes via when watching Nicole and Azan’s scenes.

Back at Elizabeth and Andrei’s house, their monetary backer Chuck stops by to satisfy baby Eleanor and in addition to take a look at the digs he paid for. While Chuck will get acquainted with the most recent member of the family, he drills Andrei on his contributions as a father, which Andrei declares will probably be little or no because he says childcare is Elizabeth’s “division,” not his. 

“A job you refuse to do? I can hardly consider it!”

Chuck reminds Andrei that Eleanor is another mouth to feed and it’s time for him to do one thing to earn some cash. Andrei assures Chuck that he’s doing “the handyman” job and that every part can be simply positive. 

Now let’s not get ahead of ourselves…

Andrei tells Chuck to thoughts his own enterprise and Chuck says that he’ll mind his enterprise, so long as Elizabeth doesn’t maintain hitting him as much as tap into his checking account from stated enterprise. 

Back at Russ and Pao’s home, Gladys and Patty cling around and stare at their grandson from throughout the room until Patty lastly musters up the courage to ask if she will maintain him. Surprisingly, Pao caves and passes Axel to his Grammy and ultimately Gladys will get a flip as nicely. 

We completely get it, Pao… nothing screams “danger” like two middle-aged grandmas armed with presents and hugs.

Seeing Axel together with his grandmothers makes Pao emotional but the heartwarming moments quickly passes when Russ by chance drops a dish within the sink and the 2 start arguing. 

It’s good that issues are back to regular…

Once you understand motherhood didn’t rob you of your fiery Brazilian temper in any case.

It’s virtually time for Andrei’s dad to go again to Moldova and, whereas Andrei is gloomy to see him go, he reminds Elizabeth they’ll be visiting soon for his or her second wedding ceremony. Being that the couple is low on funds (as a result of someone nonetheless refuses to make any actual contribution), Elizabeth hoped this plan can be filed beneath “Issues That Will By no means Occur,” right between Andrei being named Employee of the Month and Chuck being paid back in-full.

Nevertheless, Andrei says the wedding continues to be very much occurring and can only value a measly $15,000 or so.

Ol’ Chucky higher open up a credit account at regardless of the Moldovan equal of David’s Bridal is…

“Seize a few of your dad’s American dollars and prepare to have a very good time.”

Down within the Dominican Republic, it’s virtually time for The Husband Pedro and The Wife Chantel to fly back to Atlanta, which suggests Pedro has to say goodbye to his mom and sister. Chantel opts to not say goodbye to The Family Pedro herself, given the destructive run-ins she’s had with them throughout her trip, which Pedro—- the man who likes to grind on ladies who aren’t his spouse—says is disrespectful.

Once Pedro and Chantel are back in Atlanta, Chantel is bummed that Pedro’s every day routine of enjoying video games and avoiding dialog has resumed. Pedro says he’s bitter that Chantel didn’t say goodbye to his household within the Dominican Republic, while Chantel says she nonetheless has reservations due to what Obed informed her. 

“We truly managed to stretch this argument via the complete season, didn’t we?”

Chantel asks that Pedro come clear and inform her if he did the truth is simply use her to get a Green Card, but Pedro continues to deny the claims. Pedro compares Chantel to a cockatoo as a result of he says she retains asking the identical thing again and again. He tells Chantel if she doesn’t need to be with him, she should just depart and discover somebody that makes her glad… which is evidently exactly what he plans to do himself. 

“When I’ve my Green Card, the ten years, should you no fix your angle with me… Hey, it gonna be over. I offer you time,” he says. 

“Did I just say that out loud?”

Chantel warns Pedro to not threaten her after which goes to her bedroom to cry whereas Pedro stands within the doorway doing his greatest to win the argument, despite that lame cockatoo remark he just made. 

With Russ and Pao’s moms again at their respective houses, the household of three heads out for a seashore day that doesn’t contain Pao rolling around in the sand for a photographer sporting only a smile. 

“Don’t get any ideas, woman.”

Whereas sitting at the seashore, Pao complains about Russ having to travel for work. (Hey– no less than her co-star Elizabeth doesn’t have that drawback with Andrei!)

Russ reminds her that he had one other job opportunity in Oklahoma that wouldn’t have required him to journey, but Pao didn’t need him to simply accept it. Pao tells Russ she needs to go back to modeling ultimately, however she will’t do it if he isn’t there. Russ assures Pao that with some teamwork, she gained’t have to give up her dream of being photographed nude in neon physique paint and that they gained’t have to maneuver again to the Sooner State to make it occur. 

We head to Vegas for our final stop on this episode where we find Colt shoving Larissa’s bedazzled frocks right into a busted-up cardboard field as a result of, you guessed it: Larissa was arrested. AGAIN. 

We name this piece: “How I Spent My American Trip.”

Colt explains that he and Larissa have been doing what they do greatest (arguing like wild animals) when things progressed, leaving Debbie no selection but to call the police. While Colt is packing up Larissa’s membership clothes, Debbie is available in to help and ensure Larissa didn’t snag any of her crochet turtlenecks while staying at their home. 

Debbie is apprehensive that Colt resents her for what occurred with him and Larissa, however Colt assures her he doesn’t. Debbie then provides us a strong Larissa impression when asking “Coltee” what he’ll do if Larissa tries to get back along with him. 

“Coltee’s lifeless. I’m not there for her,” Colt tells Debbie. 

Colt says whereas his marriage is over, he fears Larissa should find yourself receiving her Green Card, leaving him liable for her for the subsequent 10 years… and putting a critical damper on he and Debbie’s mother-son margarita nights. 

“Mark my phrases, we gained’t be sharing our table-side guacamole with anyone but one another.”

To learn The Ashley’s previous ’90 Day Fiancé: Fortunately Ever After?’ recaps, click right here! 

(Photographs: TLC) 

Tags: 90 Day Fiance, 90 Day Fiance Recaps, 90 Day Fiance: Fortunately Ever After?, 90 Day Fiance: Fortunately Ever After? Season 4, Andrei Castravet, Ashley Martson, Azan Tefou, Chantel Everett, Colt Johnson, Debbie Johnson, Elizabeth Potthast, Jay Smith, Larissa Dos Santos Limas, Nicole Nafziger, Paola Mayfield, Pedro Jimeno, Recaps, Russ Mayfield, Season Finales

The post A Change of Heart, A Cancelled Wedding & Another Arrest – The Ashley’s Reality Roundup appeared first on Spouting-Tech.

[wildehorroruniverse]

My last two mind cells gearing up for this remaining episode.

On the season finale of 90 Day Fiancé: Happily Ever After?two couples settle into parenthood, one couple probably breaks up, another couple undoubtedly breaks up and one couple even manages to end this season with out having set foot in the identical country even as soon as during these 12 episodes. 

We kick off this episode in Las Vegas, moments after Larissa accused Colt(ee) of being in love with Mother Debbie after which fat-shamed him before storming out of the home in her high-heeled combat boots.

AS.YOU.DO

After taking a fast break on the curb outdoors, Larissa re-enters the house solely to keep the mother-loving accusations coming and to name Colt a “dirty piggy” and a “fats loser.”

We’ve been asking ourselves the same factor all season…

After a quick dialog, Colt refuses to face up to Debbie on Larissa’s behalf and finally tells her he’s completed with their relationship. 

“I don’t care anymore, I’m finished. I don’t like you. I’m uninterested in you. I’m gonna divorce you,” Colt tells Larissa. 

Larissa accuses Colt of threatening her and then tells him to “go f**okay” Deb, before strolling out the entrance door, but once more.

So, primarily, Larissa referred to as her husband a motherf**ker, as most of the wives of the present have finished earlier than. Nevertheless, she’s the only one who meant it actually.

Next we head to Tampa the place Elizabeth and Andrei are packing up to take child Andrea Eleanor residence from the hospital. Because Andrei was so preoccupied with work…ing out and avoiding any real obligations, he forgot to order Eleanor’s automotive seat, leaving them caught utilizing a free one offered by the hospital. 

Elizabeth and Andrei mooching one thing off of another person?! I find that onerous to consider…

” …and in addition what Chuck has.”

Ordinarily these two can be all about that freebie life; nevertheless, Elizabeth thinks the automotive seat is about as pointless as Andrei attending a job truthful so she complains about it on the best way house.

Subsequent we examine in with Ashleywho is back at house after being hospitalized for kidney failure. Ashley explains that her health scare stemmed from her having lupus, which tends to flare up throughout occasions of stress (i.e. her complete marriage to Jay). We then see Jay mosey into the “Mr. & Mrs.”-decorated bed room, confirming that he’s back in Pennsylvania and back in Ashley’s life, despite Ashley having simply filed for divorce. Ashley says she’s glad Jay is there to assist her, but she lets him know he’s not off the hook just but, especially if he tries to go inside 300 ft of a barbershop rest room once more. 

“Highschool courtyards aren’t off limits though, right?”

Later, Ashley and Jay visit Ashley’s divorce lawyer to withdraw the divorce submitting. Ashley’s lawyer is stunned by the news and nervous that Ashley is making a rash determination… (or perhaps she stated she thinks Ashley’s determination is going to end up giving her a rash? I imply…with all that loo bangin’ Jay’s doing, it might happen!) 

Down in Miami, Russ goes to the airport to select up his mother Pattywho might or might not have simply traveled a whole lot of miles solely to seek out out she’s not allowed to hold her grandson. Russ provides Patty some truthful warning of the state of affairs she’s strolling into and Patty isn’t too excited to listen to that the closest she could possibly get Axel is altering out the bag on his Diaper Genie. 

“I didn’t come right here to hand-wash child bottles and Pao’s bikinis, you recognize.”

Pao is sort of the treat on her personal, however once you connect a child to her, she’s downright obnoxious.

As soon as Russ and Patty arrive house, they go upstairs to greet PaolaGladys and the elusive child Axel, who’s nursing in the meanwhile. Patty decides to keep her distance to be respectful—at the least for now. 

“Look but don’t touch, Patty.”

Talking of people holding their distance… we next examine in with Nicole who is cruising some journey sites for low cost flights so she will visit Azan in Morocco, whether Azan needs her to or not. (Spoiler alert: he doesn’t.) 

Will this go terribly flawed:

After reserving a flight for herself and Might, Nicole calls Azan to inform him the excellent news and she or he does her greatest to get him pumped concerning the two of them getting married throughout her go to. As anticipated, Azan provides his greatest efficiency of a guy who isn’t about to push his wedding ceremony for a fourth time. 

We’ve got to acknowledge the quote on Nicole’s telephone that is serving some MAJOR foreshadowing…

Nicole’s mother Robbalee sits down together with her and asks what the hell she’s considering she and Azan plan to do for money but Nicole tells her not to fear about it. Robbalee suggests Nicole and Azan reside off the supposed store Azan opened, however Nicole lastly admits to her mom that the whole retailer story was bogus.

Insert gasp right here.

But to not worry, Robbalee! Nicole says Azan “has been performing some fishing stuff” these days and we’re positive he’s not referring to the cat fishing type.

After Nicole talks about eager to have babies with Azan, her phase closes with a message telling viewers that her trip to Morocco was finally cancelled. 

We’ll offer you a second to recover from the shock…

The levels of grief one goes via when watching Nicole and Azan’s scenes.

Back at Elizabeth and Andrei’s house, their monetary backer Chuck stops by to satisfy baby Eleanor and in addition to take a look at the digs he paid for. While Chuck will get acquainted with the most recent member of the family, he drills Andrei on his contributions as a father, which Andrei declares will probably be little or no because he says childcare is Elizabeth’s “division,” not his. 

“A job you refuse to do? I can hardly consider it!”

Chuck reminds Andrei that Eleanor is another mouth to feed and it’s time for him to do one thing to earn some cash. Andrei assures Chuck that he’s doing “the handyman” job and that every part can be simply positive. 

Now let’s not get ahead of ourselves…

Andrei tells Chuck to thoughts his own enterprise and Chuck says that he’ll mind his enterprise, so long as Elizabeth doesn’t maintain hitting him as much as tap into his checking account from stated enterprise. 

Back at Russ and Pao’s home, Gladys and Patty cling around and stare at their grandson from throughout the room until Patty lastly musters up the courage to ask if she will maintain him. Surprisingly, Pao caves and passes Axel to his Grammy and ultimately Gladys will get a flip as nicely. 

We completely get it, Pao… nothing screams “danger” like two middle-aged grandmas armed with presents and hugs.

Seeing Axel together with his grandmothers makes Pao emotional but the heartwarming moments quickly passes when Russ by chance drops a dish within the sink and the 2 start arguing. 

It’s good that issues are back to regular…

Once you understand motherhood didn’t rob you of your fiery Brazilian temper in any case.

It’s virtually time for Andrei’s dad to go again to Moldova and, whereas Andrei is gloomy to see him go, he reminds Elizabeth they’ll be visiting soon for his or her second wedding ceremony. Being that the couple is low on funds (as a result of someone nonetheless refuses to make any actual contribution), Elizabeth hoped this plan can be filed beneath “Issues That Will By no means Occur,” right between Andrei being named Employee of the Month and Chuck being paid back in-full.

Nevertheless, Andrei says the wedding continues to be very much occurring and can only value a measly $15,000 or so.

Ol’ Chucky higher open up a credit account at regardless of the Moldovan equal of David’s Bridal is…

“Seize a few of your dad’s American dollars and prepare to have a very good time.”

Down within the Dominican Republic, it’s virtually time for The Husband Pedro and The Wife Chantel to fly back to Atlanta, which suggests Pedro has to say goodbye to his mom and sister. Chantel opts to not say goodbye to The Family Pedro herself, given the destructive run-ins she’s had with them throughout her trip, which Pedro—- the man who likes to grind on ladies who aren’t his spouse—says is disrespectful.

Once Pedro and Chantel are back in Atlanta, Chantel is bummed that Pedro’s every day routine of enjoying video games and avoiding dialog has resumed. Pedro says he’s bitter that Chantel didn’t say goodbye to his household within the Dominican Republic, while Chantel says she nonetheless has reservations due to what Obed informed her. 

“We truly managed to stretch this argument via the complete season, didn’t we?”

Chantel asks that Pedro come clear and inform her if he did the truth is simply use her to get a Green Card, but Pedro continues to deny the claims. Pedro compares Chantel to a cockatoo as a result of he says she retains asking the identical thing again and again. He tells Chantel if she doesn’t need to be with him, she should just depart and discover somebody that makes her glad… which is evidently exactly what he plans to do himself. 

“When I’ve my Green Card, the ten years, should you no fix your angle with me… Hey, it gonna be over. I offer you time,” he says. 

“Did I just say that out loud?”

Chantel warns Pedro to not threaten her after which goes to her bedroom to cry whereas Pedro stands within the doorway doing his greatest to win the argument, despite that lame cockatoo remark he just made. 

With Russ and Pao’s moms again at their respective houses, the household of three heads out for a seashore day that doesn’t contain Pao rolling around in the sand for a photographer sporting only a smile. 

“Don’t get any ideas, woman.”

Whereas sitting at the seashore, Pao complains about Russ having to travel for work. (Hey– no less than her co-star Elizabeth doesn’t have that drawback with Andrei!)

Russ reminds her that he had one other job opportunity in Oklahoma that wouldn’t have required him to journey, but Pao didn’t need him to simply accept it. Pao tells Russ she needs to go back to modeling ultimately, however she will’t do it if he isn’t there. Russ assures Pao that with some teamwork, she gained’t have to give up her dream of being photographed nude in neon physique paint and that they gained’t have to maneuver again to the Sooner State to make it occur. 

We head to Vegas for our final stop on this episode where we find Colt shoving Larissa’s bedazzled frocks right into a busted-up cardboard field as a result of, you guessed it: Larissa was arrested. AGAIN. 

We name this piece: “How I Spent My American Trip.”

Colt explains that he and Larissa have been doing what they do greatest (arguing like wild animals) when things progressed, leaving Debbie no selection but to call the police. While Colt is packing up Larissa’s membership clothes, Debbie is available in to help and ensure Larissa didn’t snag any of her crochet turtlenecks while staying at their home. 

Debbie is apprehensive that Colt resents her for what occurred with him and Larissa, however Colt assures her he doesn’t. Debbie then provides us a strong Larissa impression when asking “Coltee” what he’ll do if Larissa tries to get back along with him. 

“Coltee’s lifeless. I’m not there for her,” Colt tells Debbie. 

Colt says whereas his marriage is over, he fears Larissa should find yourself receiving her Green Card, leaving him liable for her for the subsequent 10 years… and putting a critical damper on he and Debbie’s mother-son margarita nights. 

“Mark my phrases, we gained’t be sharing our table-side guacamole with anyone but one another.”

To learn The Ashley’s previous ’90 Day Fiancé: Fortunately Ever After?’ recaps, click right here! 

(Photographs: TLC) 

Tags: 90 Day Fiance, 90 Day Fiance Recaps, 90 Day Fiance: Fortunately Ever After?, 90 Day Fiance: Fortunately Ever After? Season 4, Andrei Castravet, Ashley Martson, Azan Tefou, Chantel Everett, Colt Johnson, Debbie Johnson, Elizabeth Potthast, Jay Smith, Larissa Dos Santos Limas, Nicole Nafziger, Paola Mayfield, Pedro Jimeno, Recaps, Russ Mayfield, Season Finales

The post A Change of Heart, A Cancelled Wedding & Another Arrest – The Ashley’s Reality Roundup appeared first on Spouting-Tech.