#gotta say I don't read often because I write a lot and that doesn't work at the same time

[bamsara]

As a writer who doesn't often read other fics because of personal preferences, but also to focus on my own and spend a lot of time writing something completely to my own exact tastes instead I gotta ask

(This is specifically about long-fics, but short fics can work too)

Personally, I have specific preferences/squicks that make it hard for me to read certain things and prefer to write what I like instead of looking for it in other places (That's not to say that it can't be found! I just find writing it to be a lot more satisfying)

[4sh--tr4y]

The Outsiders Mythical Creature Headcanons. because i positively cannot keep this to myself any longer

[The Curtis Bros:]

-Centaurs (because I couldn't just NOT take that opprotunity)

-Their house is HUGE by human standards, but small by centaur standards

-(Edit: all the curtis brothers were gonna be 10 feet or taller but I reaslised how FUCKING MASSIVE 10 feet+ is)

Darry:

-his bottom half is a Clydesdale horse

-Darry is 7'5

-Still works in contruction, but tends to haul around heavy equipment more often than not

-Stomps on the ground really loud with his front hooves to get people's attention

-..Chest hair. Lots.

-Ties his tail up in a bun so it doesn't get in his way while hes working

-Socs tend not to mess with him cause he could buck them into next tuesday

Sodapop:

-his bottom half is a thuroughbred

-Sodapop is 7 feet tall

-Tends to work outside when at the DX because hes big and he likes it better outside

-a bit easier for socs to mess with, as long as you're in front of him

-prances and marches around all fruity (I know what you are, Sodapop.)

-his tail is his baby, he would die before messing it up

Ponyboy:

-Bottom half is a paint horse

-Ponyboy is 6'3

-On the track team but Darry always tells him to "go easy" on the non-centaur kids (he only listens because he'd actually leave half the other kids in the dust)

-Trains for track like a madman, if he doesn't have something to do he's doing laps around the backyard (probably while reading, fuckin showoff)

-Socs find him easiest to pick on, but its still hard because you've gotta get him down before you can do shit

[The Greasers:]

Johnny:

-Merman/sea creature

-is able to breifly get out of the water but he doesn't really do it much because, well, he cant walk

-His scales kind of look like denim

-The scar on his cheek is actually from a fishing hook that accidentally got stuck there

-The others built a little river that connects to a pond next to the curtis house/barn so he could hang out with them, they probably mske him a stupid little fish tank inside the house that they can just carry him to

-sharp teeths :3

Dally:

-Vampire (but like, he can go in the sun and wear silver because vampire rules are lame)

-Red eyes in the dark, white in the sun

-Throws late night parties with any other nocturnal creatures he knows

-Usually drinks animal blood or eats raw meat in replacement of human blood (but if he gets his hands on human blood he wouldn't necesarily be upset..)

-knows ecolocation

Two-Bit:

-Gorgon/Medusa-like fucker

-Why? it's just a feeling, really. And Two-Bit seems like the type of guy to like snakes

-THE SNAKES ON HIS HEAD ARE RED CORNSNAKES AND YES HE'S NAMED ALL OF THEM.

-Blindfolded most of the time so he doesn't turn the others to stone, he can only imagine what the others look like, when Ponyboy wrote his essay (don't ask how johnny ran away and stabbed a kid without being able to walk, maybe it was a 'write a fictional story' essay instead of 'write about an expirience) he actually liked it a lot because it gave him an idea of what the others looked like

-Probably has a walking stick if he isn't helped around by other greasers

Steve:

-Half-minotaur/bull-human type hybrid

-Covered in piercings. It might just be a bull thing but he has earings, nose piercings, septum piercings, piercings on his chest and horns. Bro goes CRAZY

-The only person allowed to ride on Sodapop's back (for convinence, they say.)

-His mom was a human and his dad was a minotaur

-Stamps his feet in place when hes bored or irritated (like a child)

[descendant-of-truth]

Y'know what maybe I'm not done talking about Journeys queercoding actually. maybe I do wanna work out my literary analysis muscles for the sake of Pokemon protagonists. why not

To clarify, this isn't about me personally enjoying the ship between Ash and Gou. I do enjoy it, but I'm making an argument for potentially deliberate queercoding in the writing, I'm not necessarily just here to gush (though that may be a side effect)

I'm also a firm believer that actions or behaviors that we typically think of as romantic are only made romantic if that's how the people involved feel about it. I don't think romance is the only possible way to interpret their relationship.

But when it comes to predicting where a story might be going next, or figuring out what the writers are intending to hint at us, I gotta pull out my textbook of Romantic Tropes first to see what fits the bill.

And I'm sorry, but even if it's not the intended interpretation, you can't include all of these scenes:

...and assume no one in your audience will think there's anything romantic happening here.

Of course, those are just the obvious visual interactions between them that can come off as romantic, to say nothing of the symbolic visual hints; the no less than four rainbows they've been under (one of which was reflected in Gou's eye), the two sets of heart-shaped pokemon that swam past them in a single episode which also had them falling under a rainbow, stuff like that.

But even all of that is pretty surface-level stuff. If the writing doesn't support a queer reading very strongly, then my argument for the queercoding being particularly intentional would fall flat.

Thankfully, the writing does support a queer interpretation, so I'm in the clear! Since breaking this part down will take a lot longer, I'm putting it under a cut.

So, right off the bat we've got the basic setup for the show. For the first time, the focus is primarily on Ash and one other person, as opposed to two or more people... despite having a third person in Chloe, who could easily make this into a trio dynamic, considering she's friends with Gou from the start. But they choose instead to make the core of the show about Ash and Gou.

This is even reflected in promotional material, where they'll often be placed closer to each other than Chloe:

Them being roommates is something I usually bring up as a joke, but it is worth noting anyway simply because it's another way the writers have decided they're going to spend almost all of their time together when they really didn't have to.

But now we gotta get into the real Writing Choices(TM) that are the meat and potatoes of this analysis, such as: making brief allusions to the idea that they might like other guys, too

One way to build up a character's orientation is to show them being attracted to people in shorter instances before giving them a main love interest. Think Luz from The Owl House; she had expressed attraction to both boys and girls before she got a girlfriend or started wearing a bi pin.

Likewise, this is Ash when he's thinking about Leon after seeing him battle for the first time:

I kid you not, he keeps up this blush and zoned-out expression for a solid minute, so caught up in thinking about how cool Leon is that he doesn't even think to eat the scones in front of him.

Now, Ash is a person frequently characterized by his love for food, and in previous episodes he had expressed a particular adoration for Galar scones, so this is pretty unusual behavior for him.

So unusual that it's. literally never happened before, to the best of my knowledge?? I don't think it takes much analyzing to realize that, even if it was brief, you could easily take this as Ash having a celebrity crush on Leon.

(There's even pink flowers in the background but that's probably less important)

Meanwhile with Gou, his "setup crush" in this scenario would be Horace. These two have a whole episode dedicated to their first meeting and the bond they forged, and how that turned bitter on Gou's end when he gets stood up right as he thought he was finally making a friend.

What sets this up for a romantic interpretation is largely the framing of things towards the end of the episode:

"Why do I keep thinking of him" is historically not the most platonic thing you could be bitterly thinking to yourself while you remember stargazing with someone, even if I do stand by my statement earlier of nothing being inherently romantic by itself

The end of the episode also implies that the feeling is mutual, if this shot is anything to go off of

(It's just a very shoujo manga-esque frame okay there's no way I wasn't going to point it out)

And the ending scene is two Celebies looking down happily at the two of them while the narrator talks about how pokemon form "many different kinds of bonds"

Many kinds of bonds, huh? Wonder what he could possibly be implying there

Okay so we've got orientation buildup, next in line is this. suspiciously consistent trend of characters who are close to Ash telling Gou to take care of him, or even going out of their way to test him to make sure he's good enough to be his rival or friend.

Gou himself even echoes the sentiment completely unprompted once, which says even more to me that they're trying to make a point out of this:

And here's the thing. None of the other companions have ever undergone this sort of treatment. Nobody questioned whether or not Ash's friends were good enough to hang out with him before, so why now? Why Gou? What makes him different?

Kiawe is relatively easy to explain because (from what I can tell) he's just Like That about rivalries, but why the addition of describing a rival as "the person closest to Ash"? Why does Gary suddenly care about the quality of Ash's buddies when that was never really a concern for him before?

Well gee I don't know about you guys but to me, this feels like the trope where someone's friends and family all start scouting out the guy they're interested in (or who is interested in them) to make sure they won't like, break their heart or something. And despite my best efforts, I'm struggling to see how this wasn't the writers' intention behind these plotlines.

Gou telling Ash's mom that he'll look after Ash on two separate occasions as opposed to the initial one also feels like an easy parallel to someone promising their love interest's parents that they'll be a good partner.

To my understanding, that isn't traditionally something friends also have to promise, even if there's more justification here as Ash and Gou are traveling around and getting into chaotic situations regularly.

So, with all this in mind, it kind of reframes the stuff I mentioned earlier, doesn't it? The blushing, the hand-holding, the spin hug that I'm never getting over, the frequent appearance of rainbows and the heart shaped Pokemon (Luvdisc if you were wondering)... it feels a lot more intentional once you take into account the bigger themes in the writing.

And once you start looking, it keeps piling up. The way Gou hurriedly says that he totally didn't want to help Ash out or anything after Scorbunny gives him a knowing look, like how most tsundere tropes tend to play out:

Or the specific way Gou is taken aback by one of Ash's compliments before trying to play it off by looking cool, only to be comically shocked when Ash gets distracted by something else:

I could go on but I'm running out of image space and I think you get the idea.

Ash's side of this whole thing is admittedly a lot more subtle than Gou's (*cough* because he's arospec) which is why I haven't gone over it much - my aim with this post was not to go too far into speculation territory - but we at least have marketing on our side for that

Gee Ash how come Animedia let you feed Gou two pastries

Anyway, in conclusion: I ran these two through the literary queerometer and the results were positive, thanks for coming to my TED talk

[geewintg]

You're trying to write an emotionally-charged scene but doesn't feel emotional enough?

Do you wish your scene feels like this? (the following piece is really important and heavily mentioned to the tips down below but you can skip cause I'll provide specific lines anyway)

"He hated him because he was still hung up over the past. He hated that he changed. He hated that he could no longer despise the boy like he used to for what he did to him.  

Those were the reasons he hated admitting. Because it made him sound petty. And he hated to admit that it affected him more than it should have, that the boy had power over his emotions, over his thoughts, over his feelings.   

He feels vulnerably offered.  

It makes him feel weak.  

He’s weak.  

For a deity, how unacceptable. How pathetic.  

But still, no matter, all the times he spent with him in that little space they made themselves comfortable, no matter how brief, it made him forget about the duties that await him in his pyramid.  

He made him feel normal. 

He was offered cooked meals. He scolded him for offering Collei bland palate. He made him do stuff, with disregards of his status, whenever he chanced upon it. He, for once, felt what it's like to have a home .

And he hated that he could no longer despise him for what he did. Because he unintentionally gave him the things he craved for—normalcy." -Ephemeral Twilight

I was asked before how to make your writing gut-wrenching. And I was left stumped, because I've never really thought of it before. I just let my fingers do the typing. But I gotta help this person somehow, so in doing so, I came up with advices I think might help in order to write in the style you so perfectly desire: (I am by no means expert, but let me know if some of this helped you in starting to write it)

Adding correlation - as someone who describes the environment a lot, I fall too often into descriptive writing -- going too much into detail on the background setting. Fortunately, there's a work around that I found in order for some of your writing to not go to waste: adding correlation. For example: The sun was scorching. It burned his feet as he treaded along the vast empty dunes, cursing it with the same tongue that used to sing praises of its glory. Adding correlation from the background to your character is the first step of breaking the ice of stagnant writing (mostly when you find yourself having nothing to say in the first few paragraphs). You're creating a framework of what goes on in your character's head (which is vital if you want to affect readers through your character's thoughts) while setting the scene to your readers. It also acts like a build up. Another example: The wind bites her skin yet it was numb compared to her heart thrown and left frozen in the winter storm.

Reading emotional materials - by reading any material that conveys the emotion you wanted to write, you're setting yourself in the perfect headspace to imagine and create the scene. As corny as it sounds, you need to feel it. How do you think actors were able to portray their character's emotions so well if not for feeling and experiencing it themselves? It won't work if you're experiencing an emotion contradicting to the emotion you want to portray. So yes, exposing yourself to any media that has conveys the exact vibe you want is a good way.

Repetition - repetition emphasizes. It creates desperation -- "longingness" of something what could have been; of what they truly wanted or what they truly despised. It gives you the opportunity to play around why they specifically felt that way, all the reasons to say, all of the things to convince your reader to feel the same way. Take for example the piece above: "He feels vulnerably offered. || It makes him feel weak. || He’s weak. || For a deity, how unacceptable. How pathetic." To this character, being seen as vulnerable is the worst type of thing, which also stays true to most people. People don't like being seen as weak. It emphasizes it. It's the thing he hated the most because his ego (something related to an emotional-aspect) cannot afford him to. And another example is the obvious, almost gagging (don't cancel me, I wrote the piece lol), repetition of hate: "He hated him because he was still hung up over the past. He hated that he changed. He hated that he could no longer despise the boy like he used to for what he did to him. || Those were the reasons he hated admitting. Because it made him sound petty. And he hated to admit that it affected him more than it should have, that the boy had power over his emotions, over his thoughts, over his feelings. || And he hated that he could no longer despise him for what he did."  Additionally a special mention: "...that the boy had power over his emotions, over his thoughts, over his feelings..." over, over, over... This is also a repetition itself, or what at least I consider it to be. It still creates that emphasis you want to go for.

Contradiction - contradiction and repetition can go hand in hand for a more effective impact. Because in our examples previously mentioned such as "He feels vulnerably offered. || It makes him feel weak. || He’s weak. || For a deity, how unacceptable. How pathetic." this was contradicted because even though he hated to show vulnerability and weakness, it happened. The thing he hated the most happened. And this: "He hated him because he was still hung up over the past. He hated that he changed. He hated that he could no longer despise the boy like he used to for what he did to him. || Those were the reasons he hated admitting." He hated admitting but still ended up admitting it. It's the psychology play of after making your reader believe about one thing, then you crush it at the end -- because it's the same for your character. They believed this thing for so long that they repeatedly told themselves, convinced themselves, gaslit themselves, only for it to tumble down to realization that that belief was wrong. The character's contradiction of their own convictions.

Well, that's all for now. If you find these tips working for you, then congrats. Glad I could help. Tell me if you need more of this stuff in the future, and also feel free to ask me for more advices. I may not be an expert but I did start somewhere and working my way up so I'm willing to offer the stuff I've accumulated in those years of writing.

[undertale-writing-times]

Hello, i would like to request something where cross and his lovely datemate are chilling in bed relaxing while thinking what their child will look like! also cross just clinging onto them to protect- (I read the pregnant cross ask and freaked I loved it)

person A being cross and person B being a pregante y/n

I gotta be honest with ya, I don't remember it lol. My mind sucks at remembering what I write sometimes -w-'

But I'm happy you liked it! :D

Cross didn't want to make his datemate think that they couldn't take care of themselves; he knew that they could! They easily could, but that didn't make his mind any less worried.

They needed a lot of magic from him because they were pregnant! They were pregnant with his babybones. Could you believe that? They were going to have a child…

When they told the Star Sanses, Dream seemed so excited while Blueberry cheered and Ink asked a lot of questions. It was a little overwhelming, but Y/n was able to handle it, mostly.

Today they were just spending the day together, and Cross was laid beside his datemate, his head rested on their tummy while he listened to any sounds that were around. He was prepared to attack if anyone came in, or if he heard anything coming.

His sense of hearing was really strong!

He was a fighter, he was prepared for anything… He felt his datemate reach down, petting the top of his head, and they say "You know that you don't have to protect me, right?" they ask, laughing softly.

"No, I do, what if someone comes to try to attack you?" he asks, looking up. He knew that it was stupid, nobody would be able to get in there and attack but he was still allowed to be worried.

Y/n rolls their eyes, looking amused, and rests their head back against the pillows, lost in thought. "What do you think they're going to look like? I kinda hope they have your eyes… or your grin" They giggle a little at the thought.

Cross hums, thinking about it, and looks up at them again, "I have no idea what they're going to look like; I've never seen a hybrid before. I've been checking their soul every so often and it seems that they're working out well"

"Yeah, I haven't seen one either… are you worried?"

Cross doesn't answer for a few seconds, then nods in approval. "More than ever but… with you as their other parent, I know that they are going to be amazing."

Y/n snorts at him "Dork… now get up here and cuddle me." Cross laughs and moves up, moving his arms around them and nuzzles into their neck, purring lightly.

He was nervous, but he knew that he could handle anything that happens.

[shuttershocky]

Apologies for asking a wuestion related to your work, but do you have any recommendations for learning to write game scripts?

Let me preface this by saying I am nowhere near the likes of an AAA game writer and such, this is just from my own gut.

Learn to write barks and learn to write tutorials.

All the usual stuff like "you have to read a lot to write well" and "Read your writing out loud because it's definitely going to be different from how it reads in your head" still apply, but when you write for video games specifically you are going to have tasks other mediums don't. For example, you will have to write a guy saying "grenade out!" 15 different times, and you got to vary it up so the player doesn't get bored, while trying to inject whatever personality you can into a 5 word line so everyone throwing grenades doesn't blend together.

This can be especially difficult when you have to write dialogue where a character isn't speaking as a character, but as a puppet for the gamedevs to give you instructions, hints, tutorials, whatever. It is annoying as shit to write and to hear (and probably to act), but you gotta do it, and your job as a writer is to make it as natural sounding as possible because one of your players is inevitably going to get stuck somewhere and it's better for them to hear a clue from an ally in-game than from a tutorial pop-up saying Square key goes into the square hole, dumbass.

These challenges can be harder than they look, especially when you are often given little to go on (consider yourself lucky if you get detailed character profiles, video recordings about what exactly an in-game puzzle looks like, etc), so do your best.

____

One last thing and this is very important, if you're a writer brought on to make the script from the very beginning, please for the love of god, include who is actually speaking in a line and arrange this by in-game levels or chapters or whatever. I'm not saying this because of the infamous incident where Elder Scrolls VAs were given their lines in alphabetical order, I'm saying this because I've been given scripts that were just a single excel sheet with lines from the game's beginning to the end, with no detail on who is speaking what line nor where in the game it's happening nor what the context even is. And yes, sometimes they weren't even in chronological order.

if you write such a script, know that it makes editing impossible, it makes localization impossible, and even if you're the guy that wrote the whole thing you WILL forget your own details with a large enough script so it makes fixing it yourself impossible. Save everyone and yourself the trouble; write it in a format that's actually readable.

[gem-tavvy]

IMPROMPTU TAVROS NITRAM WRITING COURSE

VOL 1. ~ OF QUIRKS AND SYNTAX

wanted to work on a fun lil post to remark on some common problems i see in tavros nitram's portrayals in fanworks, and how he actually Acts, using in-comic examples! please tell me if you enjoy!

i think more people should learn how tavros' quirk works. cause i see a lotta ppl making the same handful of mistakes, and while there are more important things to worry about. the comic is Right There and Chock Full Of Text.

obviously there's the basics. capitalization and punctuation. these are the basic building blocks of every character's quirk. john using apostrophes and periods separates him from, say, dave and jade.

and jade using an excess of question marks, exclamation marks, and smileys separates her from dave. and roxy using a lot of acronyms and shortenings (and typos while drunk) separates her further from the "all lowercase" gang.

for tavros: let's look at capitalization first.

tavros types in reverse case. that is to say, where most people would write capital letters, he writes lowercase letters, and vice versa. he starts every sentence with a lowercase letters, and every lone 'I' is lowercase as well.

(important to note: he also uses lowercase after EVERY comma. when it comes to capitalization, treat every comma like it's a period.)

the only exception to this rule seems to be proper nouns. unless he's saying it at the beginning of a sentence or after a comma, that name is written in capital letters, like when he says "THE KNIGHT" and "DAVE" in his conversation with rose above.

as for his punctuation,

tavros uses a lot of commas. where you'd expect a dash or a semicolon, use a comma. where you'd expect a period, use a comma. you need a set of ellipses? use a comma.

wait. i want you to read that last sentence REALLY closely. "use A comma." i need you to drill this into your head right here, right now, forevermore. if you care even remotely about writing tavros correctly, HEED MY WORDS:

USE A SINGLE COMMA.

i don't care how many pieces of art, how many fanfics, how many Whatevers you have seen, tavros dOES NOT,,,,, uMM,,,,,,, uSE THIS MANY,,, uH,,,,,, cOMMAS. he only needs to use one at a time. the exceptions to this rule are INCREDIBLY rare, and only appear when he is genuinely distressed or compromised.

in the first example, not only is he merged with vriska - causing numerous quirk changes - but they are under a tremendous amount of mental and emotional stress. in the second example, he is caught off guard by gamzee's sudden advances. in the third, he is experiencint a severe allergic reaction caused as a result of being permanently fused with a cat.

even in his conversations with vriska where he is being actively bullied and harassed, he largely only uses a single comma at a time. this is absolutely THE most common mistake when writing tavros.

the SECOND most common mistake i see is making him s-s-stutter. a lot of people think that just because he's awkward and is described by vriska as "stuttering," he always has to "s-stutter like t-t-this." but it's not true, and tavros Does Not talk like that.

tavros DOES stutter, but the better word to use to describe it is stammering. he doesn't really think a sentence out before he talks - it's why he often says "uh" and "um" between clauses. it's also why he drags out words sometimes, like "hIII," or "hEYYY," or "wOAHHH,". he's the kind of guy that's always gotta make a noise when he's talking, even if he doesn't really know what to say yet.

i have more stuff to say about WHY people write tavros this way, but i'll save it for later. we're still on the topic of his quirk!

so he doesn't use more than one comma at a time, doesn't use dashes to stutter, and as we know uses apostrophes mostly properly. what about exclamation points and question marks?

now, this is where we have a bit of a schism. previous images i've posted, if you noticed, have sentences where tavros is asking a question. namely when he's asking rose all those questions about dave. when it comes to EARLY homestuck, which i personally subscribe to as the purest form of his quirk, tavros ONLY uses commas. even if he's asking a question.

but later on, usually during act 6, tavros starts using exclamation marks and question marks more. so there's a precedent for it, sure. i'd personally err on the side of caution, though. use them like you'd use multi-commas: sparingly and for a good reason.

combining capitalization and punctuation, i also want to mention how he whispers, too, because it's one of my favorite gags in homestuck.

in homestuck, whispering is typically denoted by surrounding one's text in (parentheses.) for tavros, this is no different. if a character normally speaks in all upper case, like karkat or terezi, they might also replace all of that upper case with lower case.

but tavros sucks at whispering. if he's outright muttering under his breath, he (jUST SPEAKS LIKE THIS,) but if he's genuinely trying to be surreptitious, he will TRY to speak all in lower case. however, little pockets of upper case will still (sNEak, inSIDE,). if you need to write tavros whispering for whatever reason, this can be a fun gag to call back to for comedy's sake.

the final syntax element to touch on is simple. emoticons!

tavros uses a variety throughout homestuck. all of them have a common theme: they always start with a "}". NOT a bracket "[". he ALWAYS uses one of the curly brackets, without exception.

he uses }:) , }:o) (when speaking to gamzee once), }:( , }:'( , and }:D ! might be more examples, but you get what i mean. he has a good variety! he typically either uses these after a sentence OR as its own "line," without any text. he also even uses them outside text. like:

AT: aWW, sAD SURE IS WHAT THAT IS, }:(

TAVROS: }:D

[ofmdee]

😵

been having some thinky thoughts today, and for a while, rly, abt my Feelings abt breathing underwater and i tried to type something up on twitter but that jsut was not letting me think my thoughts correctly

i love BU........... so goddamn much. it started out as nothing more than a silly idea abt little mermaid ed meeting stede and kind of ballooned into what ive built it up into today. it's so important to me... but it's making me a little miserable right now?

miserable because i dont want to work on it, but i WANT TO want to work on it, i want to tell this story and read the finished product, ive got so many ideas, but i just. cannot get myself to do the actual WORK of making sentences and then staging all the pics........... what used to be a fun little pastime now feels like a chore, an obligation, a compulsion almost. it sucks, but it sucks more NOT doing it, you know what i mean? idk.

i know ive built it up into this big THING to myself, like... idk, i do this so often, i have big ideas and love to plan and organize them and then i get going with such intensity until i abruptly fizzle out. i start things and dont finish them, and i guess i just rly dont want this to be another thing that gets thrown on my unfinished projects pile :/

i have the next 2 parts drafted, but every time i go back to poke at them and edit them i just get so disheartened because it's obvious that my heart wasn't really in writing them, and it's difficult to salvage a rough draft like that. part of me wants to just delete those parts entirely and say fuck it im taking an indefinite hiatus, and i will start fresh when this is fun again! which would probably be the best thing, actually, but... i am reluctant to do that, because i just dont have anything else to rly fill my time rn.

i havent been getting a lot of joy out of... anything, rly, for a long time now, im so bored and apathetic and even my normal go to things arent cutting it anymore. and idk if it's a depression thing or if im truly outgrowing some interests, but either way i know i need to get more Things in my life somehow, because writing and sims are my two biggest pastimes, and then i combined them, and then i got sick of both so ive got so little to go on! so i keep poking at the things that i used to love, hoping to find that spark again 😪 i love these little guys and their little world!!! and it makes me sad that im not actually having Fun with the PROCESS.

it doesn't help that i am constantly torn between man i wish more ppl read my fic!!! i work so hard on it!! and man i never want anyone to perceive me or my writing ever it's so amateur!! idk what i want and idk what i want to DO about it!!

so, idk!! idk where this is all going, lol, i just... wanted to try and organize these thoughts somehow.

trying to reason w myself that at the end of the day, i am writing a fanfiction. that's it. it's not that big of a deal, and yet it feels huge to me, somehow. I don't wanna let down the ppl who are reading it, and i dont wanna let myself down again, either.

BUT it's not supposed to make me feel miserable it is supposed to be fun i am lowkey crying rn because like urghghghgh why isnt it fun?!!?!

so. i think i gotta do some more thinking, because not making any kind of decision is making things worse! and idk, if all of this hasnt put u off of the idea of my fic, here is the series page lmfao i could use some encouragement i guess......

but i am going to seriously put more thought into an official hiatus, because i think i am getting Too preoccupied with it again and it's messing with me!!!

i actually had a decent time doing those kitty ed pics today, even tho they didn't do so hot, so maybe i am just gonna try to focus on that kind of thing, doing stuff that actually catches my attention, and also doing things without the intention of sharing them at all. allowing things to be messy. i get so caught up in the thought of someone else seeing my work that i paralyze myself trying to make it PERFECT.

i had a decent time doing that oneshot from ed's pov as well. so maybe i need to work on projects that are a bit smaller scale. i dont have to say goodbye to BU stuff forever, but i am just so ALL OR NOTHING that it feels like a way bigger decision than it actually is 😓

so i guess....... im gonna sleep on it for a while. think about it and try and come to a firm decision. because if i take a break, i need to REALLY take a break, which includes not thinking about it all the time and constantly beating myself up for not doing it 😅

idk, thank you if you read this far, here are a few kitty pics of ed for ur time:

[lexcellence]

What is it about Western comics as a medium that enables them to tell specific stories--or be types of art--that other media can't replicate? It feels like it'd be so easy to translate a comic to a film, but we've also seen how outrageously difficult it really is. What, to you, makes comics so worth it all?

This is gonna be long and hella cynical, and I'm going to specifically focus on the big two (Marvel and DC) here, but I think a big part of it comes down to money, and the fact that comics are largely considered to be disposable media by the companies creating them.

See, there isn't a ton invested into the actual creation of comics. Creators are freelancers, so no need to worry about pesky things like "paying a reasonable wage," or "offering health insurance" — every few months or so you'll see people who shaped and revolutionized the medium setting up gofundme's because they never got a safety net, and they aren't taken care of by the companies they put all that work into. IP rights and royalties largely aren't a thing, and the nature of capeshit is that you're always going to find some fan who is honored to have the opportunity to write for them, even as the creators they grew up reading are torn up and spit back out. Couple that with an inherently built in marketbase of nerds, and, more often than not, not "wasting" money advertising actual comics to anyone who doesn't buy them already, and to a large extent it doesn't really matter what risks a comic takes. Warner and Disney don't really have to give a shit —a "bad" superman comic, by any definition of bad, might piss off a few nerds, but isn't gonna do a damn thing to the cultural perception of Superman™️, the Brand™️, available on everything from t-shirts to truck nutz at your local Walmart. And hell, 99 times out of 100 the nerds will keep buying the book anyway, and who cares if they don't, because the comic shops will.

Movies, on the other hand, are a pretty significant investment! You've got actors, hundreds of people in cast and crew, and *actual marketing.* They've gotta make that money back and then some, while appealing to an audience of people who might own a Batman wallet, but couldn't tell you the difference between Joe Chill and Victor Fries. It's harder to take risks with movies, because suddenly you might actually taint the image of a seventy year old brand, and that terrifies all of the investors. You throw too much Comic Book Bullshit™️ at general audiences who haven't already devoted their personalities to caring about who Batman is fucking that week (Hal Jordan), and it gets messy. This isn't even some "general audiences wouldn't understand*" gatekeepy shit, either - if you pick up literally any random comic issue and you don't like it, worst case scenario you've spent like four bucks and fifteen minutes of your life, and you've got anything from dozens to thousands of other issues to try.

*that being said, I still maintain that Batman & Robin is better than any Batman comic that came out that year, and everyone who says otherwise is a fucking coward.

And so, comics end up in a weird, probably ultimately untenable position of being able to take more risks, and being made largely by people who love comics, and grew up speaking their bullshit language. They're self-obsessed and masturbatory, sure, but the thing about saying that derogatorily is that it ignores the fact that masturbation is fun? The worst comics I've read, and I've read a lot of bad comics, are still almost always labors of love, be that for better or for worse. As exhausted as I get sometimes, it's hard for me to write that off entirely.

And, ultimately, I'm just way too invested in who's fucking Batman (Superman).

[aeternallis]

Kim’s Redemption : A Rant

I think one of the things that I tend to question and kinda struggle with at times being a KP enjoyer is the fandom’s general tendency to soften certain aspects of Kim’s personality and his actions as a way of redeeming him, either due to the influence of Jeff Satur’s media personality and/or when he’s compared to Vegas and Kinn.

And before I say anything else, this is not a jab towards anyone in particular, it’s just me ranting about my favorite character, so you can go on about your day if you don’t wanna read what I gotta say. 😆

I think part of my struggle comes from the fact that since Kim barely has any scenes in the show that lasts longer than 2-3 mins, I’m also somewhat constricted from the few assumptions I can make in how I interpret him, especially when I’m writing fic (which I am doing atm). Which in and of itself isn’t totally a bad thing, at least I don’t think so; if anything, I think that makes it a lot more fun as a challenge.

For example, if you were to ask me how do I think Porsche would react to finding out Kim had used and manipulated his little brother, I honestly couldn’t tell you. Kim and Chay’s storyline was so cut off from everything else in the beginning that ngl, it was a bit of a whiplash once their narrative finally began to intersect with the main plot, lol I can't really see Porsche getting angry, if nothing else due to his ignorance of Kimchay's situation (which also imo, isn't really a bad thing), but I also don't know if I can see him being lenient towards Kim, because he's also overprotective of Chay.

So in the end, I just choose not to think about it, and work within that framework instead~

But anyway, I digress!

Jeff's media personality and its influence on how Kim is interpreted as a character, that one is pretty much unavoidable, since the two men share the same face and body. XD Some can differentiate between the two much more than others, some tend to meld them as a sort of hybrid and use Kim as the container of a Jeff-esque fantasy, and all in all, that sort of thing is entirely dependent on preference and said fantasy, yknow? So it's just one of those things that I tend to scroll past or move on.

What truly gets me so befuddled though is when Kim is compared to Vegas and Kinn, and between the three of them, somehow Kim is taken to be the least problematic of the three, in terms of how they treated their romantic interest. And I'm not really sure how that conclusion came about, lol. In fact, I even remember reading a meta on here somewhere saying something along the lines of, compared to Vegas and Kinn's actions towards Pete and Porsche respectively, what Kim did to Chay was somewhat lenient and doesn't warrant that much groveling.

And I agree with that, at least in regards to the technical details, because OP was right. Kim never blackmailed Chay, nor assaulted or threatened him; in regards to physical intimacy, Kim never touched Chay in a way that was non-consensual.

But be that as it may, that way of thinking comes from the audience's POV, not Chay as a character.

And it really doesn't, right?

Chay doesn't know--or at the very least, we have no confirmation he's aware--the extent of what Porsche suffered through during the beginnings of his relationship with Kinn; he knows they're together, but I highly doubt Porsche told Chay he was pretty much sexually assaulted that first time. He REALLY doesn't know what's involved in VegasPete's relationship, much less their BDSM proclivities. Lol XD

In other words, Chay's actions and feelings post break-up with Kim (as well as the subsequent reconciliation) are and would be entirely based on his own experience, as they should, not based on the assumption that, when compared to Porsche and Pete's experiences with their respective Theerapanyakul, he got off lightly.

I think personally, something that often tends to be forgotten when Kim is made a lot more soft uWu babygirl than (imo) he really is is the fact that what Chay went through emotionally is, in and of itself, also a form of trauma. Sure, Chay was never physically hurt by Kim, but I don't think the emotional damage Kim dealt him is something that should be taken just for granted either.

There's a reason why this boy spiraled right after that devastating break up, and why he cried out the way he did. So how you interpret and imagine what Chay's next course of action would be if/when forgiving Kim is entirely up to you, including how he would respond and deal with the emotional trauma of that break-up. That scenario would come about based on your own interpretation of the show, your own preferences, and frankly, your own beliefs and life experience. If you think Chay is the type that needs some groveling/begging from Kim in order to heal, go for it, that's completely valid; if you think he can get over it easily enough, that's valid too.

It goes without saying, but just in case~

I stand by what I said before that although Kim has not physically harmed Chay in the way Kinn and Vegas has with Porsche and Pete, he's just as capable of doing that as his brother and cousin. And honestly, that's what makes Kim and the rest of the characters such an awesome bunch to me; a character doesn't have to be morally good in order to be a good character, yknow? Besides, I think that's what makes all three love stories strong enough to stand on their own: these Theerapanyakul men can love fiercely, but they can and have hurt and manipulated the people they love just as fiercely.

The physical and emotional wounds Porsche, Porchay, and Pete have suffered in varying degrees is incomparable, because by doing that in the first place, the characters' agency in turn is taken away.

And don't get me wrong, if you genuinely see Kim as a soft, uWu babygirl because that's how you HC him, go for it and more power to you! XD But if you HC him as being soft, uWu babygirl because he never physically assaulted Chay when you compare his actions to the shit Vegas and Kinn did, well...more power to you too, although I imagine this rant probably feels like a personal attack. Sorry about that~

But for my own interpretation (and limitation I admit, as well as it not being my preference in general; Kim can be soft for Chay and his family, but otherwise, there's a reason Korn doesn't trust him and in the books, is secretly made the true heir), I guess the reason I'm not inclined to see Kim as having a lot of the softer edges fanon!Kim has to the point that it's made part of his overall personality, is because, for me, it almost feels like I would be trivializing Chay's emotional trauma, just so they can quickly get together again and share in the fluff and puff, yknow? Almost like trying to resist the urge to think, "in order for Chay to be able to handle Kim, you gotta soften him up a little bit."

Because then I would be doing a disservice to Chay's character, who imo is more than capable of handling Kim's problematic tendencies. This boy had no problem blocking Kim's ass and pulling away from him, he can handle himself~

And just so we're clear, I'm not saying those fans who do see Kim as a soft, uWu boy with stunted emotions is doing just that, not at all. Just that for me personally, that's kinda the mental block in my noggin. XD Besides that, I'm just a sucker for angst, man.

But meh, at the end of the day, to each their own, yknow? XD That's what makes fandom so much fun, you can pick and choose what you want to engage with.

As an artist / fic writer, I'm just grateful I can feed myself the food I want to see~ Hehe!

[peachjagiya]

https://www.tumblr.com/peachjagiya/751789107975520256/im-kinda-sick-of-waiting-around-to-find-out-if?source=share

Anon i feel the exact same way as you. I dont have a solution but i find it works best for me when i think of taekook as a fictional couple that i enjoy and love and that no one will ever be able to take away from me (i read and write fanfiction for one) and then the members as they are i take them as they are and what is presented to me. This excludes their private lives pretty heavily. In real life, though i want nothing more than for them to be ”real”, what i love about them is their bond. I dont go crazy with all the ”theories” that to me all seem like shippers choosing what they believe based on what aligns with their ship. And thats fine! But i cant delude myself like that. So what works best for me is: we will never know with absolute certainty what goes on behind the scenes. And thats how it should be. These are not our lives, its people who are actually strangers to us private lives. When taennie and paris happened, i obsessed over it, followed it compulsively. And eventually i was like. What the fuck am i doing? None of this, NONE OF THIS, has ANY impact on my life. I have nothing to do with it, and no agency in it because its got nothing to do with me. I cant control anything about it. Yes, I want taekook to be real, but at the end of the day, what does that matter to me? If i just want the relationship i can just daydream about it, them being real or not isnt actually going to make me any more part of it anyway (lol). Now i know that not just quitting them and instead staying with them could still be perpetating my problem but i hope i can continue to respect their private lifes. And i realize sending this to a theorizing shipping blog is kind of ironic, i do think theorizing is sort of inherently invasive (and rps in general so like myself included) but utlimately harmless as long as you stay respectful, they are public figures after all (please okay i mean no disrespect to you peachjagiya) So yeah, when that video with jk and the girl came out i was basically over it. My stance is that has nothing to do with me (and if its real i should not be able to see it and thats stalking and a gross invasion of privacy (same with the leaked taennie pics (although they are edited as hell))) so i do not have an opinion. I still love taekook. Are they real? A part of me is always going to believe that. But no, not that we know, and we can never know. But in any case, theyre real to me❤️ Hope this helps, if not then at least know youre not alone feeling this way (unless you dont wanna align yourself with my crazy lol), and i think some sort of distancing is healthy, not in a ”i dont care about them anymore” (like they mean so much to me, how could i ever do that), just another way of thinking about them. Yes its frustrating not to know but only if that knowledge matters to you. And maybe in the ways that matter (am i speaking in tongues rn) you’ll find it actually doesnt? All the love to anon and this blog 🦋💜

Some words for fed up anon and some ways of thinking about it. 💜

Just adding this second clarifying ask from anon:

No offence taken. I actually think a lot of what we talk about here isn't necessarily romantic. It's often in defence of their closeness in general because a lot of people seem to believe it simply doesn't exist. And in the course of denying their closeness, or minimising their importance to one another, there's a lot of anti-Tae sentiment, a lot of painting JK as something he's not, a lot of bending of ideas to fit weird narratives. That irritates me as a Tae/JK bias so I sometimes feel like I'm just battling that.

That's not to say we don't suggest romance. We definitely do. 😌 But you're right. You gotta protect yourself from potential upset or the weariness of never finding out by accepting that you're never operating at 100% certainty.

I don't think there's prizes for loyalty at the end. If they are a couple, there's no bragging rights if you never had a moment of doubt. JK and Tae aren't personally going to come to your house to congratulate you for never wavering. They are real people, not points to be had.

Sometimes we theorise and make jokes but hopefully it's a respectful vibe? I also hope people would let me know if the vibe got disrespectful.

Just because I'm worried how some people get:

Do I think they're a couple? Yes.

Will I continue to view them through that lens? Yes.

Am I putting my life savings and personal happiness on it? Absolutely definitely no.

Thanks anon 💜

Edit to add:

Taekook will stay cute! 🥰😘 😍

[tadpoles-and-daydreams]

Y'know sometimes deity work is just them shaking you by the shoulders going "DUDE JUST CHILL."

CUE THE DEATH MENTIONS/GRIEF TW bc I don't usually post about this so I feel like writing it into the post is important

The past few days, I've been completely unable to... witch. Witching is an action now. I've been struggling to get anything from my deities and guides. Tarot- which I usually can use for consistent yes/no answers- is now only giving me "maybe"s no matter what I ask. I feel like my trust in my deities and in my craft has suddenly plummeted despite having witnessed the most dramatic, flashy gift from them to my mom like a week ago. etc. etc. I tried just using the cards as their meanings and it felt... like I could interpret them but they were definitely not the usual "OH DAMN y'all just gotta say it like it is" energy I'm used to. I started to feel bad, like I'm in some sort of slump for no reason, and just generally was salty because I actively had been trying to start readings up again and now I can't until that blows over.

Then today, as I was making my breakfast, I was just thinking about it and admittedly getting a bit frustrated with myself- and suddenly one of my deities (I think Loki or Hades, I can't get a clear answer rn) just slam dunks a realization into my head like "SIR. SIR. You just had your first father's day since your dad died like two days ago. Don't ya think that mayyybe there's some feelings there, even if you're not actively processing them out in the open? That mayyyyybe you might be subconsciously processing a lot that can't be processed consciously?"

I just stood there like O.O for a second. I know I'm not the greatest at connecting emotional dots, but sometimes I forget that if I'm feeling shitty it probably has a 100% logical reason that I'm just not seeing. They brought a couple other things to mind that I'm dealing with that, while I often forget about them consciously, I currently have every reason to be in a slump about. I really am glad I have my guides there to just plonk thoughts that are distinctly not my own into my head sometimes so I stop questioning why I'm in such a weird mood XD

The point of this post is, really, don't beat yourself up guys. Plz. I mostly post happy lil funny things, but I also value transparency and authenticity. So sometimes I'll end up posting some heavier stuff, especially when I someday get more into working with heavier emotions in my craft, because I think it's important to post it. Maybe it'll make someone feel a little less alone. And, if it doesn't, then this post is just for me and that's okay <3

[racmune]

what are your favorite scoutpauling hcs!!

HOLY SHIT THANK YOU FOR THIS ASK!!!!!

UMMM idk how im gonna format this so im just gonna put it in bullet points ig

scout is a big ole hugger and very physically affectionate,, this contrasts with miss pauling being touch starved and really reserved. the way each of them love is something to get used to for both of them but its just works!!

i think miss pauling is very quick to try to ignore her feelings in order to focus on her work rather than a relationship with scout but it ends up coming up over and over again. like perhaps she'll try to convince herself that she can work with him and be normal and ends up fumbling over her words or another flub like that "hey scout i need you, i mean- for-for this" contract line. (i see her being shown to act stern to him in fanon even when she's supposed to be pining, but i think its forgetting the aspect of her character that she's a huge nerd >:33 i just really enjoy scoutpauling pining. scout becomes softer, shyer and more considerate, and miss pauling becomes that "girls when they're in love" meme. i just think they're such a good ship for a slow burn which is so upsetting cause i don't think there's a single scoutpauling-focused fic that's a slow burn. i'd say i'd to take up the torch but i struggle to even write one shots so 💀)

i also like to think that miss pauling notices his insecurities and compliments them. and he gets all flustered but he loves it so much. (yup i did rip this from a measured fic i read but i gotta beef up that wordcount biatch. i am insane abt this pairing i dont think you guys understand yet)

miss pauling is often overworked (as she is lol) and will struggle to take basic care of herself (feeding, sleeping, etc) and as they get closer scout will swing by her apartment often and help her clean up the garbage, water the plants , take her to bed (NON SEXUALLY!!!!11!!! we keep it PG here) and get her some good food

miss pauling will sometimes be so overworked she'll be sleeping sitting up or fall out of her chair and sleep crumpled on the floor. scout is often coming into her office/apartment just to spend some time with her and she'll tell him that she's fine and doesn't need much sleep to keep going. scout let's her go for this but soon he finds her asleep in even more concerning spots and finally says fuck it and cleans up her apartment and tucks her into bed

i feel like scout has put on a tough, "manly" persona all his life to prevent himself from getting bullied (or at least getting affected by it in front of others) but i think miss pauling being a girl able to call him on his bullshit is really good for him to be more down to earth and good for his self esteem in a way? like i think he allows himself to be more vulnerable with her and that feeling rewarded by being loved for what he is rather than just a persona is just really nice.

miss pauling is really capable but also i think shes avoidant to help if its really personal to her and not only her job. miss pauling was raised to be an assassin by the administrator and was never really allowed to just be a PERSON and i think that its kinda nice for her to be able to just have a normal relationship with someone. like, i think their relationship is pretty non-normal lols, but also i think scout can be really nice to her and nurturing to a more personal side of her she often times will have locked up because of her line of work.

if the administrator didnt adopt miss pauling (a big hc i have) i like to think that she had a very cold and unforgiving set of parents (like perhaps she can attach herself so well to the administrator because shes used to authority figures behaving in that way? or something?). i imagine after miss pauling getting well acquainted with scouts family, scout wants to meet her family. scouts family is a lot more warm blooded and caring than miss paulings family, and miss pauling says no at first because of this. scout still wants to go or at least know why miss pauling wont talk about her family, but reconciles that some things she isnt ready for. miss pauling still notices his feelings and decides to bring him over for one dinner. its just the worst for everyone involved. scout is wearing his sunday best which is a goofy haircut and a bowtie because he cant be fancy to save his life and no matter how polite he tried to be his bluntness would always shine through on accident. miss paulings mom would insult her and scoutd get really defensive. hes not allowed back. ;-;

another hc i like is that miss pauling and scout both speak spanish. scout learnt it because he mistook it for the language of love (which, i mean spanish is still a pretty romantic language so i fuck w it) but in miss pauling's case it was her first language. miss pauling is excited to know he speaks her language and he often needs her to slow down her speech for him to keep up which i think is a fun contrast to everyone struggling to keep up with him loll... also this happened valve told me/j

(im also not a spanish speaker so umm if i got smtg wrong then im sooo sorry ;u;;)

i also just really like miss pauling's hyper-activeness and excitability as well,(i didnt say this yet but i also headcanon them both as audhd A LOT) like ive said before its rarely shown in fanon and its upsetting cause i think she's just a silly little character and she's often shown to be the straight man or team mom exclusively…. and i think theres a twinge of fandom misogyny in there but like whatevs ig.

they can work together really well as a unit but also i think they are really nice for just . healing together from fucked up childhoods i guess

ive seen scoutpauling be viewed as a ship with no sauce or spice but i gotta disagree!!! theyre the most concentrated flavour containers ive ever seen in all my years its great

...

@saffsketches told me that ill get bullied for this post💀

//ok also have some headcanons from my discord server under the cut, all these are from me but there were a lotta good ones from other members that i just didnt show cause i was too shy to ask to cred LOLS

btw fuck this took post longer to make than i thought it would ;;; ummmmm………….. sorry ;u;

(this one was from when the server was talking about miss pauling having a big ole st bernard named otto in the headcanon channel for context LOL)

ok im done now bye hope yall enjoyed this small peek into the inner machinations of my fucked up mind..... HEHE

[greycappedjester]

Hi! I’m a huge fan of you hq @ hogwarts series, and I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate the thought and care you put into it!

I’m gonna 100% honest, I found the series last year after searching something to do with Akaashi and Hogwarts (because Akaashi is my all time favorite character) and it pulled up Akaashi Keiji and the Department of Mysteries. When I saw it wasn’t the first book, I immediately went and read the other ones so I could get to the one about my boy, and I’m so happy I did.

ALSO, I was wondering if you had any tips for other fanfic writers? I love writing, but one thing I’ve always struggled with is motivation. I’m writing an Akaashi Spider-man fic rn, and I have the entire plot down to every chapter planned out, I just can’t really get myself to actually write it.

Yay! I'm glad you're liking Hq at Hogwarts! Thank you!

Hmm, advice for motivation. I'd say I have three main things. I think my source of lack of writing motivation comes from three things: (1) I'm tried from just life stuff and want to chill and do nothng--which don't get me wrong everyone needs some of but it's a hard cycle to break even when you want to; (2) there's soemthing in the plot not working; (3) I want a scene to be perfect and it's not working right. So, I'll give advice that I feel helps each.

1.) Make writing a habit. Sometimes it'll be brutal and tough; but, you still gotta just try. I try to have at least one writing session a day where I can at least look at my writing and try to write for at least 10 minutes. After 10 minutes, if it's not coming, I'll take a break. But, more often than not, when I start at 10 minutes, I actually end up keep going w/ the momentum and write for like an hour. I advise not setting a timer or anything for the 10 minutes, just start writing and see what time it is when you look up.

2.) I'm a big big believer in having a detailed plan before I start writing. I know some people don't write with plans in mind; but, honestly, I love my plans. The most trouble I have with motivation is when I'm too vauge in my plan and I'm not sure how I want to handle it. I can give a lot more advice on planning that I'll save for now so I don't get off track; but, what I can say for now is ask yourself what needs to happen in this scene/chapter? What's the point? What does it lead to? What led to it? Why does the readers have to have this scene in the plot? Sometimese these can be character things like: to show this characters struggle or to make them more sympathetic. Or world building things like to show what is happening in the larger world or explain this plot mechanic. Sometimes it can be things that won't be clear to the reader immediately like to introduce a minor background detail that hints to a larger reveal later. Obviously scenes can do more of these at once; but, once you know the "point" of the scene, I find it a lot easier to write.

3.) Always, always remember it doesn't have to be perfect. You can rewrite that scene as much as you want. The first time you write it, all it needs to do is just be there. You can worry about making it better later.

So, yeah, here's my very non-professional advice but hope it helps.

[bettsfic]

betts i want to get back into writing but i find my ideas so stupid and unoriginal and i think I've lost touch with what im trying to say or what i naturally used to gravitate towards before trying to make myself more palatable to others

it sounds like you've hit a writing ceiling, anon.

i think when you get better at something, progress doesn't happen at a slow, even pace. you work at one level for a long time and then suddenly you're ready to level up, and it can happen so fast that it's disorienting. sometimes there's not even a reason for it. your brain is just, "bored now, let's gooooo," like a kid tugging your arm desperate to get out of there.

but there's kind of an awkward elevator period too, where you're on your way to the next level but not on the floor of the previous one. it's a very frustrating space to be, because all you can do is wait for the doors to open, and you never know how long it's going to take.

it sounds like if you're coming back to writing from a long time away, you're visiting the floor you were on the last time you wrote, when you really belong on the next. you're bringing a new lens to old work. so you've gotta find the elevator or a stairwell or a jetpack or whatever to get you to the next floor.

ultimately what i think is stupid and unoriginal might be life-changing for someone else. and what i think is important and profound, someone else might find trite and meaningless. i try to make myself actually shape those two people in my mind. maybe some 21 year old fanperson who has no idea if they'll ever make it as a writer will read my stuff and go, "if she can do this, i can do this." (to which i say, yes you can!) and maybe a well-meaning 60 year old man will read my stuff and go, "the hell even is this? what am i reading?" both perspectives are equally valid, because once my work is being read it is no longer about me. it's about the reader who is bringing their entire life to each of my sentences, and reading it for their own personal benefit. your work will never benefit everyone, but it will benefit a few, and you can focus on writing to the eager younger person who needs to hear what you have to say, and not the middle aged man who has to get his daughter to reboot his phone. that man has tom clancy to read. but that eager younger person has you.

what sucks about being on the elevator is that it's made of glass and you're looking down on the floor you just came from. you're seeing the work of your past self from the audience of your present self. and all you can do is wave goodbye to that last floor and look up to the next one. sometimes that takes some searching. for me, it often takes simple patience and a chosen mindset that i need to be paying close attention to the things the world is trying to tell me, because those are the things that will get me off this stupid elevator.

and while you're waiting for that, if you still want to be generating words, focus on mechanics, craft techniques, really nitty gritty tedious stuff that's hard to focus on when you're in a high inspiration state. do research. read as much as you possibly can and set down anything that doesn't keep your attention. try creative stuff that isn't writing, like poetry or drawing. if you do all that stuff with the knowledge that you're about to set off into something new, every single crumb of it will inform your future work. it's like getting the nursery ready for a baby. i know i say "there's no writing wasted" a lot but it goes beyond that--there's nothing wasted. every single thing you encounter has the opportunity to offer inspiration that might help you get to that next floor.

so if you're looking for something to try, my advice is just to listen. don't form thoughts or opinions of your work while you're in the elevator. play and discover and experiment. focus on process, not product. really sit in the physical act of writing. sit in your sentences. pay close attention to everything that isn't the floor you were just on.

and if you're not looking for something to try, know that i can definitely relate to the struggle, and i hope your elevator ride is swift.

[victheclown]

hello hi was wondering what are the dynamics inside your Legion? bye and take care :]

OKAY SO this might be a bit long but I prepared a little thing and I'm gonna write in addition to it

Behold, the very messy chart of the Legion and how they feel about one another

Gonna put this under cut so feel free to read my insane rambling on this

Starting with Scarlett/CoPen, he generally gets along with everyone. He has a bit of an off-putting behavior which a few get thrown off by sometimes, but generally he means well for his entire Legion. He only occasionally has to tell off Leon because Leon tends to be rather loud and wild, but he doesn't dislike him over it. And Sebastian - he just wants the man to rest a bit from his Lieutenant mindset a little, he very strongly believes it cuts him off from the others a lot (no pun intended)

Robin/Rubber Band has his boyfriend for one :o3 and then as to the rest- He doesn't have any specific dislike towards anyone either, but he doesn't always appreciate Kam's tone towards him or anyone really, though he knows better than to argue with him. And similar to Scarlett, he tries to get Sebastian to be less stuck up about himself and get some damn rest. And while he does notice how odd Scarlett is at times, he doesn't let it get to him too much, and they do trust each other and talk a lot over things at times.

Leon/Hole Punch...... really really loves Robin like oh my god (me too i love them i get insane about these two i apologize). And then the rest- he has. A bit of a hard time dealing with how ominous Scarlett is, but generally doesn't dislike him for it. He generally gets along well with Kam and I like to think they bond over friendly fights or being very radical together, but I can also see them clash occasionally because Leon's also a bit more of a softie when compared to Kam personality wise at times and that can clash with a man who can be very ruthless sometimes. But they work it out, usually. And he finds Sebastian to be a very inspiring guy, but also thinks he should take it a little easier :o( but he does admire how he fights.

Kameron/Tape very much stands out as someone who doesn't shy away from saying what's on his mind and that does influence how he interacts with everyone- with Robin, he tries to start fights occasionally but usually gets told off by him so he doesn't do it as much. He does get along with Leon at times as I said, but also doesn't hesitate to punch him down verbally when something is going on or they don't agree on something- and with Sebastian, he very, VERY often tries to start fights, since he is the best casual fighter of the group. It tends to not go well and more often end in arguments about their different fighting styles- And as for Scarlett... Scarlett is the only one Kam doesn't entirely know themselves how he feels about him. He's extremely conflicted, he acts like him similar to how he would talk to anyone else and yet he responds in a normal, if a little ominous way, and he doesn't quite understand that just yet.

Sebastian/Scissors, being the Lieutenant and "Leader" of the Legion, feels himself very obligated to that role, so he doesn't emotionally associate himself to anyone in particular. The only ones he sometimes clashes with are Leon because in his eyes he did not seem to take his job back then serious at all, and Kam for... his entire existence lmao, and him constantly asking him to fight him. He doesn't like Kam's messy fighting style at all though, so they argue over that consantly.

And now to the only one I haven't mentioned much yet bc its very similar for most- Hunter/Stapler! They just love their whole Legion. The Legion is their friends and family, and they like them all a whole lot, and everyone likes them (with mild exception of Sebastian, but thats because of his lack of emotional attachment to anyone).

Ok so that was a lot I HOPE it uhhhhh makes sense its 10 pm as i write this and i gotta get up for my shift tmrw so uhhh i wanted to write that before i did heklgjlsfd