#goys do not add shit

[plague-vulture]

it's just so exhausting and infuriating having people with "punch nazis!!" in their bio immediately become viciously antisemitic the instant a jewish person disagrees with them or has an opinion they don't like. like yeah, using cabal and lizard person and elites is antisemitism. yes "free palestine" is used as a dogwhistle yes lillith is a closed culture figure. not fucking sorry that hurts your little goyisch feelings when we're defensive of our culture and religion that've been repressed and forced out of us for all our damn history.

im just so fucking tired man

[drewharrisonwriter]

Donor Part 2

Part 1 | Part 1.5 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Pairings: Bestie Henry Cavill x OFC

A/N, Warnings: 18+, follow up to Donor. English is not my first language. There's drinking, breakups, failed IUIs and more. Just an overall adult-themed content. But no smut...YET! (BWAHAHA) As usual, not beta'ed, and plot points are perhaps shaky and a bit far from reality, but hey! It's called fiction for a reason. LOL Excuse my deluluness, you're welcome to join.

I’m AO3, too as MoonDjarin ^_^

“I don’t think I can do this anymore.” You said, a tear escaped from the corner of your eye, slipping down your cheeks which you immediately wiped with the back of your hand.

Henry pulled you in on a side hug, letting out a slow sigh, closing his eyes as he planted a kiss on your temple.

Five negative pregnancy tests sit on your bathroom counter. 

Five more to add to the stash of tests that you somehow decided you wanted to keep in a box under the counter. Just in case…of what? You're not even sure yourself.

This was your third try over the past year. Three rounds of IUI and a box full to the brim of negative pregnancy tests lay heavy on your heart and mind.

For all the things you've accomplished all your life, this is becoming the most challenging. You already feel like a failure.

"There's always a next time, darling." Henry comforted you, gently rubbing the small of your back. You just sobbed, soaking his shirt with your tears.

"I don't know. I'm so sorry for dragging you into this, Hank." He hushed you gently and led you out to your living room.

You both settled on the couch, where you snuggled to Henry, feet tucked under you, as you continued to sob and he just held you against his broad chest.

"I just don't get it, why is it so hard? I'm literally biologically made for this."

"Well, just because it didn't happen now doesn't mean it won't. It's only been three tries." He cooed.

"Three tries over the span of 8 months, Hank. I took a really long break, I gave up touring for this. You…took time for this, too."

“You do realize that you can’t go on tour when you’re pregnant, right?” He replied and you just let out a loud sigh. 

“But I’m not. I could be touring instead, you could be out on a date with someone you like.” He snorted. 

“Well, first of all. I love you, you know that. And darling, you can’t be in two places at once. These things take time. Why so hard on yourself?”

You honestly feel like your brain is so fried and your body so tired, and bloated. 

You feel like shit. 

The tests may tell you there’s no baby in there, but boy do you look pregnant from the bloatedness, thanks to the fertility medications that have proven themselves useless so far and it’s becoming a tabloid talk recently. 

You can’t read another pregnancy speculation about yourself.

Not when you know it’s not happening at all. Plus, there’s a huge chance of dragging Henry’s name into it, which you’re doing your best to prevent from happening. Not going out in public with him where you know you could be snapped. You haven’t told anyone about your little secret, not even his family. 

“I’m taking a break from this then.” You said softly, after a long pause. Henry looked at you, surprised to hear the words come out of you. He just nodded in response, and pulled you in closer. 

—-

Henry pulled up your driveway and turned down the radio, opening the passenger side of the door to let you in. You pulled the door open and got in, giving Henry light air kisses on each cheek. 

“Look at you!” You leaned back to take him in, and whistled. He cocked his head in laughter with a hand across his chest, like it was about to burst. 

It’s been six months since the last time you saw each other; you stopped trying and went back to touring for a bit, and he went on to start filming a movie and doing press junkets here and there. 

It had been a busy couple of months and it made Henry think of the what ifs. Glad that you both don’t have to think of a child in the middle of all the things going on in your lives recently, but sad that you don’t get to hold your dream in your arms. 

You both have talked about it, co-parenting. You were surprisingly alright with it, “Better have both parents if you can, right?” You had said, but were clear that you won’t be asking him for anything, still offering to not have him on the birth certificate or forcing a set schedule on him to have the child over, which honestly broke his heart. 

You’re always giving him an out, always thinking of him, his career, his family. 

He wanted to give the child his last name, he wanted to take care of them on his times off or even bring them to set on his days with them, but he didn’t tell you that. In fact, there are so many things that Henry held back as he didn’t want to take this away from you, he knows how important this is to you. 

He’d convinced himself that he’d be content with whatever you give him. He just wants you to have your dream and be happy. He can be happy with that, too. 

“So, how’s life on the road?” He asked as you snapped your seatbelt on and he began to drive. 

“Good, the usual.” You replied casually. “And how are you, Superman? A little birdie told me you’re seeing someone.” You wiggled your eyebrows playfully at him, and he just side-eyed you with a cocked brow. 

“Let me guess, Charlie told you?” He breathed. You shook your head, opening your purse to take out a packet of Reese’s pieces. 

“No, your mom, actually.” You replied, shoving marbled chocolates into your mouth. Remembering the phone call you had with Marianne a few weeks ago, and your brain immediately goes into overdrive. Wondering if Henry would still want to donate sperm or if this budding relationship of his had changed his mind. You remember feeling hurt that you won’t be co-parenting with him… But as always, you understood. He has his life, you have yours. He’s already given you so much all those months ago when you tried. 

Your brain went into a hundred different scenarios all at once during that phone call, you wondered how you ever got through it. 

“Hey!” He exclaimed when he heard you ripping the packet and started chewing. “No eating in the car!” 

“Jesus, so strict! It’s just Reese’s pieces, it’s not gonna stink up the damned car. Calm down! Here, have some...” You held your hand out next to his mouth and he reluctantly ate the chocolates. 

“Damn, that’s good.” He muttered. 

“So, who’s the girl?” You pressed on, still chewing, and he just chuckled, shaking his head. 

“No one.” He said, holding his palm out and you poured more Reese’s in them. “It didn’t work out.” He added before shoving the chocolate into his mouth. 

“Oh, that’s too bad.” You replied dryly. 

“Enough about me.” He said, mouth still full with chocolates. “Excited for tonight?” 

“Oh absolutely. Haven’t seen you and the gang in a long time.” He chuckled at the way you referred to his brothers and some of your group of friends’ as ‘the gang’. 

—

It was Charlie’s birthday and drinks were overflowing, the music was loud, reverberating throughout the exclusive club one of your common friends owns. You were lost on the dance floor, a drink in hand swaying–hoping your legs won’t give out from both exhaustion, fun and alcohol all mixed together like the cocktail in your hand. 

Your friend, Emilia, stood on her toes lightly to whisper something in your ear. You could not hear exactly what she was saying, but she was gesturing with her thumb to the guy behind her holding her other hand, with a huge smile plastered on his face. You just nodded and they left. 

You saw Charlie and Simon going back to the dancefloor with a bottle of champagne on each hand, showering people with the bubbly treat. You laughed as both men refilled the now empty glass in your hand until it overflowed and your shoes were soaking wet. 

Charlie chugged down a bottle and raised it with a loud “Whoo!” when he finished it in one go. You laughed harder and downed your own drink in one go, too. Simon refills it soon as you’re done. 

You’re definitely drunk now. 

The two men went deeper into the dance floor and shared the bubbly drinks with more of the guests dancing. Left alone now with a half-empty glass, you started or more like swayed your way back to the bar, almost stumbling over a bar stool when you suddenly felt a hand slip on your waist, pulling you up to your seat, you turned halfway to see who it was and surprised to see Henry beaming down on you, hand still splayed across your stomach. 

“Enjoying yourself?” He whispered next to your ear, lightly nuzzling his nose at your earlobe. You felt a shiver run down your spine. 

He seemed to be drunk, too. You thought. Except he wasn’t; Henry tried his best to stick to just a pint, knowing that he’d have to drive later that night. But there was something about you, about the situation, about the dress you’re wearing that made him a little bolder than usual. He took his hands off you, afraid of ruining the moment. 

You smiled and nodded in reply, “Yeah. I’m not drinking anymore. I’m too old for this.” You laughed as he settled in the seat next to you. You flagged the bartender and ordered yourself a bottle of water.

“I can’t do this anymore.” You said after downing half of the bottle. “I’m too old for this.” You repeated.

“Would rather stay home with the kids, honey?” He joked and you laughed. 

“Yeah, better call the sitter cause I’m going home now to tuck them in myself.” You joked back with a wide smile as you got off your seat. He threw his head back laughing. 

“No, seriously, Hank. I’m going home.” You told him and he nodded. 

“Let me take you home.” You shook your head ‘no’. 

“It’s fine, Hank. I’m calling an Uber.” 

“There are paps outside, I’m driving you myself.” You snickered at his argument. 

“What difference would it make? Paps seeing us together would only make it worse.” He knew you were right, but he can’t let you go home alone like this. 

But Henry was persistent. He took your hand and led you to a back exit that leads straight to the parking lot, not long after you were seated at the passenger seat of his car as you watched London go by in blur through the window. 

“You okay?” He asked, you’ve be been quiet for far too long.

“Mmhmm…” 

“What’s going on in there?” He asked, tapping a finger on your temple and you snickered, shaking your head. 

“Nothing…I think I’m just tired.” Lie. You wanted to ask him if he’s dating again after the last one Marianne told you about. You wanted to ask him if he’d still want to donate, and co-parent, and draw dreams together in the air like you did a few months ago. But you’ve thought of this over and over the past few weeks, it wouldn’t be right anymore. 

You wondered why you never thought of possible scenarios before you even started with your IUI’s.

Henry let out a slow breath, he knew exactly what’s in your head. He knew that you weren’t over the disappointment and the heartbreak from the last time your IUI failed. He knows so well, and this is exactly what he was waiting for, an opportunity to open it up.

“When’s your next time off?” He asked and you looked up at him slightly surprised.

“I have one last string of shows in London next weekend and after that I’m a free man.” You replied. “Why? Do I need to babysit Kal again?” You joked. 

He laughed, shaking his head, his curls bouncing on the side of his head. His dimples were so deep and the light that shone through the windshield from the car in front of you casted a beautiful shadow against his sharp features. 

Wow, you are definitely drunk. 

“What are you looking at?” He asked when he felt your eyes on him; He cocked an eyebrow at your direction, but you only shook your head in response. Willing yourself to stop ogling him.

Nearly 20 years of friendship, you asked yourself, why are you only realizing exactly just how handsome he is? 

You always knew he was good looking, great physique, killer smile, incredible sense of humor. But you’ve never seen him in this light nor have you ever felt a warmth pooling in your center at the mere sight of him.

What was in the drinks at Charlie’s party?

He looked at you and let out another laugh and muttered, “Jesus.” Your brows are furrowed, lips slightly parted and you look at him not with confusion, no. It’s as if you’re coming to a sudden realization about something, if only he knows what. 

He called out your name, looking at you quickly and turning his eyes back on the road, his grip on the wheels tightened a bit. Knuckles almost turning white. 

“Hmm?” You sounded like you were being taken out of a daze. He chuckled and shook his head. “You are so drunk, are you?” 

“I guess.” You murmured, blinking a few times before looking down at your hands, playing with the hem of your skirt. 

“May I ask you something?” 

“Go on.” 

“Would you…” He started but he paused. “Would you want to try again?” 

That startled you. After the last time you tried and failed, and then him dating again, you didn’t think he’d still want to donate. And if you’re being a hundred percent honest with yourself, you wouldn’t want to ask him anymore, not wanting to complicate his future relationships by being tied to you with a child. Despite the fact that you think he’s the perfect donor, in all aspects, including co-parenting. 

“I don’t know, Hank. I mean, of course I wanted to try again but…” You swallowed, man, this is hard but it’s for the best, you thought. “But you don’t have to donate anymore.” 

Read Part 3

Tag list:

@jyessaminereads @summersong69 @itsrubberbisquit

[a-very-tired-jew]

Remember when I said age is a factor regarding how informed a person is? About how life experience, world experience, education, and biology all play a role in how you process information and come to conclusions? https://www.tumblr.com/a-very-tired-jew/746376840485257216/youre-not-as-informed-as-you-think-and-age-does?source=share Well I have seen some token "Good Jews" exhibiting this exact thing as of today (04/20/2024).

Fig. 1. User (Early 20s) claims Zionism is antisemitic, repeats Bund talking points, and repeats the genocide claim.

Fig. 2. Same user says they needed to deprogram from indoctrination.

Fig. 3. Same user as above claims elder Jews (read: Jews that are older than them) are indoctrinated. These are the most egregious examples that this Good Jew has with another Good Jew in this particular discord (you know which one). What we see in Figure 1 is the same Bundian philosophy that got Jews betrayed and killed in the USSR. It's the same philosophy that we have tried over and over again with the same results: Jews tortured, killed, and exiled by the larger goy communities we thought we were accepted in. I would hazard a guess that this young person is not aware of the Dreyfus Affair or other issues in "Liberal" societies that led to Zionism.

In Figure 3 this same person states that older Jews are indoctrinated and in Figure 2 states that they needed to "deprogram" from their "indoctrination". They posit that the reason young Jews are anti-Zionist is because they haven't been indoctrinated yet and/or have deprogrammed themselves from their childhood. However...this is typical teen/young adult behavior where they're "Fighting the narrative" and lashing out at the perceived "status quo of indoctrination". I've heard these words for years, hell I said them myself. But because this person is under 25, around 22/23 from my understanding, they simply don't have the experience or education to really understand what they're talking about. Yes they are Jewish. But the points I made about age in my other post still stand. The likelihood that they have the world and life experience is very slim. Add in that they use inflammatory language that is often associated with the current batch of young antisemitic activists and...well...you get the picture. But let's talk about the greater implication here. This is one glaring example in a discord. There are more throughout our own community. There are young Jews who are screaming at their elders and repeating talking points that they heard on tiktok, social media, and at protests*. The very same protests where they will hear chants of "Gas the Jews", "Hitler was right!", and so on. At what point do they realize that even if they care for innocent lives (which I have yet to see anyone besides outright racists and bigots call for actual genocide) that allying themselves with antisemites who would kill them in an instant is a bad idea? In part, I think it has to do with Westerners distrusting their Democratic governments as we have seen them repeatedly drop the ball on issues. They yearn for a revolution against the status quo because the future is bleak (and trust me, as an ecologist I understand climate anxiety and as a millennial I understand that and so much of the other shit too). But this yearning to have meaningful change in their own country has been coopted by terrorist organizations bent on killing Jews. That energy around positive activism and meaningful change has been manipulated by an organization that has been caught on tape saying they would manipulate these very people to bring about their violent intent. And here's the thing...many of us elders have gone through that very same phase of rhetoric. I remember being an edgy anti-Zionist myself when I was a teen and young adult (I was of the Bundian philosophy as well, and yes I had grown up Reconstructionist, there's a lot to unpack there for a later time). I remember thinking my elders were brainwashed and just scoffing at their retorts. I remember thinking that they had just fallen for the propaganda and needed to open their eyes. As I got older and became more educated, as well as had more world experiences and reached certain biological milestones, my views changed. Not because I became more conservative, but because I was no longer an emotional, hormonally driven young adult who thought they knew more than others. There's a saying in academia that goes something like "In undergrad you think you know everything, in masters you realize you were woefully uninformed, and in your doctorate you realize you don't know shit about anything." But if you tell them that, they just say it's Hasbara (propaganda) because those same orgs have told them it is. Only hindsight and time will let them go beyond their surface level reactionary reasoning and see the bigger picture. They think they've been deprogrammed, but in reality they've fallen for a different manipulation that will use their good intentions to do harm.

*This is reminiscent of young LGBTQ+ behavior where the young queer kids are yelling at their elders, telling them they don't understand, and the elders are warning them about something dangerous. The youngins then come back and cry "why didn't you warn us?" to which they respond "you didn't listen".

[montauk-koolaid]

I have an AU where the SCP GoI are personified into anomalous humans. Strange but they are fun to design and make headcanon and sometimes stories about.

So when two hyperfixations mix this is the result of that.

Drew a human Children of the Scarlet King or Cotsk (that I will uses to refer to him as for the rest of this post.)

Below Keep Reading is talk about what I did with the design and seven basic headcanons I have for him.

So I designed around the Cotsk logo. which is where the chain daggers (seven around his waist), wings, and arm scales came from. I also took Scarlet King's horns and crown to emphasize where the worshiping is coming from. Even though Dipesh said what the cult is actual worshiping is not the Scarlet King because the majority of the cult is worshiping the SK than it shows through in the design.

I gave him seven rings, they are currently these basic gold rings as I don't know how to design rings as of right now. There is four on his left hand and three on his right hand (which is minus the middle finger for a ring.)

I tried to make him as deranged as I could for a facial expression. I think it work. Wish I could push it further but I didn't want to add black shadows over the eyes and forehead.

I wish I could make the hood more detailed for the taller/adult version of the design but didn't know where to go with it. The book was already covering up the waist chains which was also a problem.

I don't have much to say about the child version I think its better in its simplicity.

Okay Headcanons:

Has wings but he flies like shit. He can just about hover and if he tries real hard he can slowly rise in a straight line to higher places. The wings are really to small for him to fly but they do anyway because human GoI are weird.

Has a harem. Its a complete mess. Usually made up of 14 people but they die often needing to be replaced. Its worse than you think.

Can change from Adult to child and vise versa. This uses the GoI personifs inner workings of "you think there for I am" to make them think one way or another with propaganda to there own churches.

Drinks warm alcoholic koolaid. Its his secret recipe that he intrinsically known. (Reference to my other project where I turn SCP into Food.)

Everyone hates him. There are very few that tolerate him. One of the more useful relationships is that The Factory wil take stuff off them if they think the offer is good (mostly the trading of people.)

Wants to get back his 'Witch's Son"

Has basically children out of his sects. GoI children are like sub departments getting a human form, they work for the main organization; they get called children of that organization which ever needing to procreate. The sects get called "Children of Children."

I do have many many more headcanons. If anyone wants to hear about them just ask preferably here but Main is fine.

[wingedcatgirl]

incorrect quotes generator tag meme

so there's this incorrect quotes generator on perchance, and @worldsfromhoney tagged us to toss some of our ocs in it >:)

This was fun, so I'm tagging @kung-fu-cutbug @kitdriveyards @comicallycubicalcassie @pure-vanilla-lilies @kiraheartilly36 and uhhh anyone else who sees this and thinks "oh this looks fun" to also try this. if they wanna.

Oh and it's lengthy as h*ck cause my basic-bitch fandom trait is that I really fucking love incorrect quotes -

(programme note: there's a character in leaf story whose name doesn't get revealed for a rather silly amount of time. it's kinda an open secret on our discords but lol)

(redacted): *holds a gun out to Leaf* Leaf: I-I don't believe in guns. (redacted): Well, trust me, they're very real. Now take it.

Leaf: This bloodline ends with me. (redacted): That's the fanciest way I've ever heard someone say "I'm gay".

(redacted): I have lots of friends! Leaf: Name one. (redacted): Well, there’s- Leaf: Name one you haven’t gotten incredibly angry at. (redacted): Hey, that’s not fair, then there isn’t any!

(redacted): I’m doing what I can to jog your memory. Leaf: It’s jogging, I guess. Its tiddies are jiggling a little. (redacted): Nice.

Leaf: Think you can answer some questions without the usual level of sarcasm? (redacted): If you can ask the questions without the usual level of stupid.

(redacted): GET BACK HERE YOU DUMB FUCK! Leaf: LET ME RUN FROM THE CONSEQUENCES OF MY ACTIONS!

And now let's add some canon characters into the mix:

Colette: I didn’t know that air fryers are a real thing. Used to think that they were made up by the internet as a funny joke and that their purpose was to “fry air”. Leaf: WAIT, BUT IT FRIES THE AIR TO FRY THE FOOD?? Colette: I DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS A KITCHEN APPLIANCE, MY FIRST ASSUMPTION WAS SOMETHING AKIN TO AN AIR CONDITIONER! Lloyd: IT’S NOT LIKE AN AIR CONDITIONER???? (redacted): You guys clearly don’t own an air fryer.

(redacted): How late were you up last night? Leaf & Colette, in tandem: Me? (redacted): No, not you two. You stay up late all the time. (redacted), to Lloyd: You.

Lloyd: What is love? Colette: An emotional minefield. (redacted): A neurochemical reaction. Leaf: Baby don't hurt me.

Leaf: ARE YOU- Zelos: Fucking. Leaf: KIDDING ME?! YOU- Zelos: Fucking. Leaf: IDIOT! (redacted): …What was that? Zelos: Raine banned Leaf from swearing, so I’m helping her out.

Leaf: I give up. I am so tired. Raine: Get the emergency supply! (redacted): carries Zelos and places him in front of Leaf Zelos: smiles Leaf: AND I AM BACK BABY, LET’S GOOO

Zelos: Subs are so fun to play with. All you have to do is hint at what you might do, back them into a corner with a look, or grab their wrist in a certain way and they're a wide-eyed mess. Raine: What the fuck kind of Subway are you going to? Leaf: Substitute teachers deal with so much shit. (redacted): Guys.

leaf is absolutely just committing to the bit on that one

Zelos: Hi, could I ask how exactly does one accidentally set a lemon on fire?? Raine: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔 Leaf: Why were you microwaving a lemon??? Raine: I read boiling lemons helps cover up up bad smells (I wanted to cover up the scent of burnt oranges) but I didn't own any pots. (redacted): Did you burn an orange too? How??? Raine: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔

Raine: I’m the smartest person in my friend group. (redacted): You hang out with Leaf, Lloyd, Colette, and Zelos. (redacted): It’s not as high a compliment as you think.

Colette: So, did everyone learn their lesson? (redacted): No. Leaf: I did not. Zelos: I may have actually forgotten one. Lloyd: Also no. Colette: Oh good, neither did I. Raine: *Exhausted sigh*

Raine: A mouse! Lloyd, pulling out a knife: Go back to where you came from or I'll stab you. Zelos, pulling out a frying pan: It'll make a nice meal! Colette, giving the mouse cheese: You deserve a treat, little guy. (redacted), gasping: It's Ratatouille! Leaf: His name is Remi, dummy. Raine: …I was going to say to just trap it and throw it out the window… what is wrong with you people.

Lloyd: Wait, hold up, why you draw yourself like that? Leaf: Uh, like what? Lloyd: Like with gorgeous, muscular legs. Leaf: Uh, this is what I look like. Lloyd: Leaf: THIS IS WHAT I LOOK LIKE! Lloyd: Okay, then I want big beefy arms. Hot ones. Colette: I wanna have a cowboy hat! Leaf: Okay, arms and hat. *draws them* Zelos: Ooh, give me a cowboy hat too! Leaf: You can't just take Colette's hat idea, Zelos! She thought it up all by herself like a good person! Come up with your own thing! Zelos: BUT I WANNA LOOK COOL! Raine: Put Zelos on one of those stupid baby tricycles. Zelos: NO!! Leaf: Tricycle, done. *draws it* (redacted), want anything? Raine, making finger guns: Pew pew. Leaf: A blaster?! No, that's not really our style, (redacted). (redacted), making finger guns: Pew pew. Leaf: You know what, okay. *draws it* But it's just for holding, not for shooting.

[calypso-finale]

Hundred Four.

My mind is everywhere but this, like I want to be here for Halle, but my mind is also elsewhere because of everything, always me. Like why me, why does all the shit happen to me and it’s annoying to feel this way. I have been a bad person clearly because shit just follows me always “I did not know Rylee the great would be here” I laughed at Diji saying such shit “I came back home” he cooed out “home huh, you ain’t even taken the citizenship yet. When you becoming an official one. You little American” he sat down, I shrugged “soon, the test is hard. Like I did a test one and I failed it so yeah, you need to teach me about the British culture clearly” he pulled a face “how do I know? I am just here for vibes” he shrugged which made me laugh “for vibes, shut up. You back early from work, what you doing here?” I am asking why he is in his own place “I had a half day so I thought I would come here, then I see you. Halle still here?” nodding my head “she hasn’t come down to see me yet, and may I add I did nothing wrong” it’s annoying she is acting like this “oh, I don’t even know what happened” I guess Lillian didn’t want to tell him “I guess you about to be kicked out of the house once again” he scoffed “how are you though? I ain’t tell Lillian about anything you told me; I wasn’t sure if that was something you wanted so I kept quiet. Not like it is anything wrong but that is your issue, you may not want people to be talking about it” Diji is so sweet “thank you, and I am well. I have a lot to think about. I just don’t know what to do. Does he even want me, where do I go from here if he actually doesn’t? I can’t trust men; they don’t see me as a wife they see me as a fuck and with Aziel he won’t accept another man after the trauma and then what? I don’t know” Diji eyeballed me “relax” he kisses his teeth “relax, just talk. Speaking works you know, you need to speak to him and just be straight, Rylee you can’t jump on a scenario yet, ask him how it is. Ask him if he wants you and I think he will say yes but I can’t say, you need to speak to him on that. Relationships are hard and it’s harder when things happen, and a lot did happen, but don’t trip. I will help you find another roadman” we both laughed “I am done with it” shaking my head, it’s all so hard work “as a fellow London man, he is hurting I know bro is. They move mad in love and hurt” Diji added which made me feel sad because he won’t speak to me on it.

Halle decided to come down with Lillian, then Lillian kicked Diji out which he wasn’t happy at all “I don’t know why you are mad with me” I said to her straight up, I don’t like this shit she is being “because you let him disrespect me Rylee, he was calling me a bitch and then he punched Wyge. You allowed him to be rude to me” Halle defended “you was putting the blame on him, he was mad. What do you want him to do? Sit there and accept the blame for you both, I didn’t come here to argue. I came here to fix the issue; he swore at you, but I am sure he did out of anger. Why is it Wyge sees the wrong and you don’t? Accept you both fucked up and we all can move on” it’s crazy, Halle stared off in silence “I didn’t want this to come out yet, it’s just all so new to me, to us and now it’s out” she mumbled “and Colin deserves you to tell him, and he deserves the respect Halle. You’re reacting hard done by, I am here for you. I was upset how you came at me too, why would you do that? All I ever did was be good to you” Halle put her head down “I am sorry” she apologised “just I was caught off guard, I said it to him. I goes why didn’t you tell me that he knew, because if I did I could have prepared myself to know that you know” she shook her head “look, I am calm. It’s out and I am preparing to tell Colin” pressing my lips into a hard thin line “you sure he is the one? I mean Wyge” I am concerned for her “I am happy, I think we ran our course together. I think he knows it too” looking at Lillian “knowing Colin he is going to just accept what it is and walk off” I feel bad for him “Colin is a good man, too good for me. I know that” she put her head down “I will do right by him; I won’t hurt him because he did nothing wrong” I am glad she is seeing that.

I am glad Halle is seeing the light, but she is pregnant still because the way she rushed off to be sick once again “she is keeping the baby?” I asked Lillian “as far as I am aware yes, I can’t tell Diji. I feel like he will think I am bored with him, but I adore him so much” I cooed out “Diji is good, I called him when I was in New York. I needed advice from him, and he was like speak to your older brother, he is so kind to me. You’re lucky” Lillian giggled “my man, my man, my man” I scoffed “girl, don’t make me sick” I waved her off “how is your sister though? You went for her” rolling my eyes “that girl assumed Taylan was cheating, she needed me for support. That man was doing nothing but play video games, she was neglecting him, and he was feeling sensitive. So I was there as a third wheel with them two just being all in love” she let out an oh “he is so sexy though, Ti man is like the finest thing” Lillian needs to stop “don’t make me sick, you ain’t ever say that about Oakley” she sniggered “he is like one of the gang, he reminds me too much of Colin and Diji” Halle made her way back “Rylee girl, I am so sorry” I got up from the couch “it’s ok” we both hugged “I didn’t mean to say those words to you, I was so caught off guard that I jumped to defence mode without thinking so I attacked everything, this is on me and I know, so I am sorry. I love you so much and when I see Cench. I will apologise, this is my journey, so I need to fix it. And” she stepped back “If you want to be friends with him still, you all can. Knowing him he will want that because we were so close in friendship but it’s something I will do” nodding my head “I feel so bad, I am sorry” smiling at her “hormones raging, just everything. Don’t be feeling bad, I caught you off guard” she was not expecting me to know that, I get it so we can just move on from this.

I am glad that we can make up, that we can resolve things because Halle was being so hard headed about shit “how are you going to tell him?” I asked Halle “oh god” he groaned out “sit him down and just say the truth, he may punch a few walls. I think, but I can handle him. He will hate me, maybe. I don’t know but I just know he is going to be mad, but yeah” she shrugged “did I ruin what you and Cench was trying to build” I have to laugh “erm, no. He was pissed but I think he will be ok” I shrugged “you seem off though so what is wrong?” Halle picked on that as soon as she could “just some home truths, I just don’t think he is what he seems to be. Like he is ok and move forward, like in the moment I was ok until I thought back and realised that Oakley didn’t want me mourning his name out, he faced me away from him, twice. We only faced each other on the bus but he was put off in a weird way, but I didn’t pick it up. He hates me but had sex with me?” I am hurt “oh girl” Lillian said “he is a hundred percent thinking of the video he guarded with his chest, he is seeing the video in his head. He is hearing that, that is something wrong and it needs to be aired out, I don’t think you should be hurt by it but like, talk to him” It’s easier said then done, this is just so shit for me because why does all this shit happen to me.

My mother calling and said she needs to speak to me when I’m free, but I just know it won’t be anything good, I know it “I’m home now yeah” I said; one drama after another for me “you seem annoyed already, it’s not I’m telling you off in this texts but the difference between you as a child and you was with your dad is that you’re a girl, you grew out of it, you started to change. He’s a boy and a very charming one at that, he’s so bright. I’m proud of him but he is picking up grown men stuff, and by that I mean pretending to smoke. He talks like he’s one of the gang which doesn’t bother me but his mannerisms too. I took him to the bathroom, he said no. And ran to the men’s which Chris had to go there, he’s hanging with grown men in a setting full of adults, he even stood with his hands in the front of his pants just stood there, I told him off but it’s not good” my mom said “right” I just said “so I’m a bad mother” I added “I’m just telling you Rylee, I never said you was bad at all. You can’t just jump and say that, when he goes to school and the teacher tells you he is acting up you going to tell them are you implying I’m a bad mother? No you’re not, now he is going to school your home life will be shown, it will be exposed. So I am telling you as his nana, as his grandparent, you need to stop him from being with too many adult men. He needs to learn to not act like this, that is all. You are a good mother but little things that needed smoothing off. I had a wonderful time with him, he enjoyed himself and we got to spend time with him” my mother snapped at me “then what do you want me to do? I am trying, when he’s with his dad I can’t stop it can I?” I spat “you need to tell Oakley then; I get he’s trying to make him have manners, but he can’t monitor him always. He’s at the age where he needs to know that isn’t good, he’s going to play up for you, I am telling you now. Life is different in London, you need to think about it” this is just a headache “thanks” I mumbled “I am not trying to upset you, just wanted to tell you” my mother says but I feel like shit now “ok, thanks” what else can I say but that.

This big house is actually so lonely, even when Aziel comes home it’s just still too big for me, just me and my son but I refuse to leave because I will need it at some point. I mean I won’t be having more kids but still, I know my mother wouldn’t agree if I was to sell it, so I have to just deal with it really. Speaking of Aziel he is here with his dad, I feel so indifferent about things now. I’m not mad at him but he should just say it, and then on top of that the complaints from my mother about my child, I just give up because I’m not good enough mother now too but what do I know, I’m still learning how to be one, he’s my test child and the only child I will be having, I didn’t build my body back like this just to have it ruined for a child, that will not be happening for me again. Opening the door “welcome home” I said to him “hi mommy” he said stepping inside “mommy kiss” he said, see what I mean with my little charmer, leaning down to him and he grabbed my face and kissed my lips “thanks, sticky face” wiping my lips “you didn’t warn me” I said to Oakley “last minute thing” he said and placed his suitcase in the house “it’s fine but what if I wasn’t home?” he hasn’t even messaged me since “I know, my bad” he just said “who dropped you off?” I asked “erm Wyge” rolling my eyes “I am glad he is off my drive; he came crawling back to you. You got a minute?” I said, moving back into the house “erm yeah” he said, he stepped inside, and I just slammed the door close, I am not mad, but I just need to air it out with him “so you are going overseas now?” I asked “yeah” chewing on my bottom lip “have fun then” I have nothing else to say in regards to that “what going to do for your birthday?” He laughed “that’s months away but you ruined every single one since” side eyeing him, he’s laughing but it’s not funny really, it’s sad because I am a shit person.

This is awkward “Oakley erm, you honestly. Like haven’t bothered with me and then it hit me, you didn’t want to see my face while we had sex and now I am feeling like shit. You haven’t bothered with me Oakley. This is wrong, why? Do you hate me? Is what it is” he shook his head “hate you, I don’t hate you. I have been busy, what do you want from me? I did that grand gesture to you” he defended “then why are you blanking me, even now it’s awkward. Do you see that video when you see me, is that what it is? You thought of the video, huh? Tell me Oakley!” I shouted “it happened ok, I don’t want to bring it up because it hurts you. It happened to you, so I don’t want to bring it up for that reason. I don’t hate you Rylee, I just got to deal with shit ok” he looks annoyed at me “I wish you tell me you hate me and be done with it. Every one thinks I am stupid for having sex with you, because you haven’t healed, I don’t know really. I just want to know if you want me, because I feel like we can’t be. I feel like we are too far gone” Oakley sighed out “look, I have a lot of shit to go through. I have your mother marrying me off to you, do you want me, or do you feel secure with me?” he turned it to me “think about Rylee, you are secure with me, you feel safe because you are scared of others” I shook my head “don’t turn it on me, just go Oakley. Have your bus full of girls and go” I waved him off “yeah full of girls but they aint you” he walked off, I just don’t know what to do, this is all a mess really “I did that shit to show you that I want you, but you on this thing of questioning me. Things are going to be hard Rylee, I fucking saw you naked with another man, what you want me to do?” I waved him off walking off.

[shutthyface]

Bendy and the Dark Revival Playthrough Thoughts:

Imma post my raw dog thoughts on Bendy and the Dark Revival as I play (currently in chapter 1), I shall bury the spoilers so continue at your own risk, I will also be completely honest about my opinions on everything, my qualifications are my 100% achievement score for Bendy and the Ink Machine and a deep adoration for the entire Bioshock series (yes, this is relevant)

•

•

•

•

•

•

•

•

•

•

•

•

•

•

•

Okay, here we go:

- first impression, hand animations are a lil weird but I can get past it

- Audrey is adorable, her winged liner is pretty thicc

- I knew a jumpscare was coming in that hallway but did it stop me from screaming? no.

- "Who put this here?" YESSIR LOVE THAT THROWBACK THANK YOU

- ALSO after coming back for the key you get a nice view of the signed photo of Bendy from Henry 🥺 So cute I can't even

- cut to me continuously ramming my body into the first Boris the Wolf poster throughout different points in the walkthrough area because I was looking for Meatly... (he was not there 😭)

-I hate Wilson, as a character, and I'm confused at his importance. But I also hate him as a person, as he makes me v uncomfortable (well done on that part)

- ahhh yes, the Ink Machine activation. I wish it wasn't so similar, maybe the podiums set up in different areas of the museum room like exhibits would have been a nice recollection without being exactly the same

- ohohoh, is that a Bioshock Infinite baptism I see? And a title screen eerily similar to the Bioshock logo. Not complaining really, I honestly miss the feeling of Rapture

•∆ Entering Chapter 1 ∆•

- PIPER I KNEW YOU WERE THERE AND YET??? SCARY

- Alice could have explained a bit more, I also feel like there's a lot of things I need to explore but can't yet, I love exploration and collection

- Gent Pipe is coming back and we gotta hide from these squishy men, so far so good. Really enjoying the new hiding mechanics, feels much more like a classic horror game, more immersive and anxiety building

- these ink men and women are getting rekt, cool that you can loot from their bodies

- puzzles BAYBEEE gotta love em, the first one is pretty easy to find but it almost feels like there's more to see there later?

- ooo we have another Bioshock-esque gameplay tool, sending ink creatures back to the ink puddles, like removing the adam from little sisters. Not sure if it will have an impact on ending or anything like that, but it adds a nice choice to more sneaky routes than head on aproaches

- I don't know what I expected but mr.hang-in-there editor made me feel more uncomfortable than I thought it would lmao

- BABY BENDY 😭 he's soooo cute and his LIL ANIMATED FACES!!!! i can't believe he was just chillin there all smol and adorable

- Audrey gotta be careful with that power she hurt the baby 🥺

- "do not knock" audrey: hmm .... this won't stop me, I can't read

- not the Ink Demon appearing and TALKING???? HELLO??? SIR?? 🥵🤒

- 😳😳😳 "sweet name to devour" lord almighty

- his new form is SICK, I LOVE the glove/white animation spots peaking through the ink, the multi horns, ugh so cool I want a better look 😩

•∆ Entering Chapter 2 ∆•

- Ink Demon: "You were born from it", me: "MOLDED BY IT!"

- I no longer enjoy the hiding mechanic because I am now more scared

-OOOH it tells me when he's coming, that I enjoy, thank the lord 😩✋

- I like these lil drawings mr. no-knock did, they're so cute! I think the Ink Demon likes em too that's why he's angry I'm collecting em 😮‍💨

- me after collecting the fifth drawing: damn he MAD mad he wanted those sketches bad 😳

- bro mr. no-knock attacking me after collecting his shit is NOT the vibe how DARE you sir

- the ink demon literally was about to attack me when I was writing that last thought, I thought I was about to have a break but NOPE not only did I almost die I almost pissed myself that was TERRIFYING

- I am now constantly on edge and I feel like mr. ink demon is coming for me at any second

- good news I haven't died yet, bad news my heart rate is goin NUTS

- second puzzle, finished, and Ink Demon only visited once! Yay!

- "come say hello" h mm don't mind if I do

- audrey: *crackin open this big ass spotlit box*; me: no no no no no; box: scary ass shy-guy-esque lady; me: noooo no no no...; audrey: *turns away to hide in barrel, turns back and box is empty*; me: NOOOOOOO THANK YOUUUUUU

- dude F*CK THAT GHOST B*TCH she scared my entire TIT off and made me slam my knee into my desk WTF is that 😭

- I survived the shy-guy-lady, thank the lord, but I had to run like hell and murder the lost ones in the area. I hope I grabbed all the collectables 😭

- Winnie the Porter stuck in the pipe is pretty adorable and I love him

- down the rabbit hole we go, I guess!

- NOT PORTER RENAMING ME 😭 AND A GIFT!

- oh my gosh I was thinking the glowing hand reminded me of Dishonored and now we can fuggin SHIFT just like Dishonored, love that

- the menus looked pretty familiar too, now I can't help but see little Dishonored pockets everywhere

- dude so many squishy lost ones how am I supposed to deal, I have realized I should not have eaten every snack I came across before 😭

- it's time for a break, I'm currently in the locker rooms for anyone curious, I'll come back sometime tomorrow for more thoughts ;)

[glitchstoxicwaste]

I AM POLITELY BEGGING THAT WE GET SLASHERS WITH AN ABSOLUTELY FERAL S/O, I'M TALKING SOME REAL GREMLIN SHIT HERE, JUST THESE STOIC MURDER BOYS WITH THE EMBODIMENT OF CHAOS RUNNING AROUND THEM

Slashers x Feral! Gremlin! Reader

OH MY FUCKING GOD I LOVE YOU SO DAMN MUCH!

Hope it's good-

Woah I posted more than once a week? Holy shit man-

Slashers

TW: Feral ass reader, suggestive themes in Bo's, let me know if I missed anything

Continue below the cut!

Michael Myers!

Bro is legit the meme of the dog sitting at a table saying "This is fine" and you are the flame, but remove the text, add a mask, and make the flame a human spider in the corner screeching loudly because your Dino Nuggies aren't done yet.

He has now added a fence around the property with a sign that says "Beware of dog"

So imagine the mailman's surprise when he just sees you run, trip, land on your face, pause for half a second, get back up with your head down, then full on fucking sprinting his way like Sonic the damn Hedgehog.

I shit you not he saw his life flashing before his eyes, bro chucked the mailbag at you and stumbled to go the other way yelling "I'M TURNING IN MY TWO WEEKS NOTICE!"

Every day Michael comes home late to find you dead asleep in the most uncomfortable looking position ever on the floor in the Livingroom, pool of saliva under your cheek, body twitching randomly.

He just sighs, picks you up, takes you to bed, and lays next to you to try and get some sleep.

On days people come onto his property when you both were chilling outside, the teens that hopped the fence freeze when they see Michael and you being calm on the porch, eating cookies, him drinking water, you having a Monster Energy Drink.

You both whip your heads to face them and they freeze like deer caught in headlights thinking Michael was going to attack, but when you and him looked at one another, nodded, and you both got up, the laugh you made scared them more than the giant holding a knife.

Before Michael was even stabbing the teen he caught, here you came, bouncing in joy, you have an unconscious teenager being dragged behind you, you scared him so bad he knocked the fuck out.

He loves you, he does, you entertain him, bring him excitement, and you're basically his own personal security dog, but, you're human.

Jason Voorhees!

Under normal circumstances, he would keep you in the cabin to keep you safe, now, he keeps you in the cabin to keep you from biting the ankles of the trespassers.

You are like a squirrel with rabies, but human, and the foam in your mouth isn't from rabies, its from your saliva bubbling because you're fucking VIBRATING uncontrollably.

One time, you and him went to the lake, he wanted you to swim and release some of that energy.

He didn't expect you to run up to him holding a fucking snake by its head yelling "LOOK WHAT I FOUND!"

He got so scared for both you AND the snake, did it bite you? no? Did you bite it? Yes? Why is he not surprised...

On days it seems him and Pamela can't keep up with the trespassers, they release their ultimate weapon, Jason's s/o, you.

At first when you waltz up to them they think you were lost, but then you jump on one of them, yeah no... FUCKING SCATTER!

You befriended all the animals in the area, including insects, you give spiders little offerings for fucks sake!

Whenever he's chopping firewood, you'll be doing laps, running around him at full speed panting like a dog and giggling uncontrollably.

You tripped over a rock and your face planted right on a log, he hate's to admit he enjoyed the calmness and silence of you laying there processing what just happened... but either way he was about to put the axe down and check on you when you slowly got up.

You stood with your back to him and he walked over to you, he reached to put his hand on your shoulder but you had whipped around and gave him a huge smile and a thumbs up.

He would shrug it off and hug you... if you weren't pouring blood out of your nose and missing a tooth.

What is he going to do with you.

Norman Bates!

You bring a new excitement into his life!

And let me tell you, Mother was shocked at how you weren't sex crazy... you were CRAZY crazy.

He keeps you with him, a child harness on you at all times, there were a few times he muzzled you because you were legit barking... he doesn't know what else to do!

You keep kids entertained... sometimes...

You're hard to control, after a while he just had you attached to a kid harness which was attached to the door handle to the room behind the reception desk.

He gives you Energy Drinks when you keep quiet while he checks people into the motel.

He really starts to appreciate the silence of being alone, but he would never leave you, he loves you too much.

Brahms Heelshire!

He doesn't understand at first, you were so tame and respectful up until he came out from the walls, then you turned rabid.

Is this what it's like whenever he would throw a tantrum? Is this all of his old nanny's revenge for him killing them and throwing tantrums? Oh god...

After a while he becomes numb to it.

When groceries are delivered to the house and the doorbell rings he watches as you do slide across the floor, crash into the wall, and swing the door open as you bounce on your toes.

You both put groceries away, then its back to screeching down the halls and laughing randomly.

Once someone broke into the house and Brahms didn't know until he heard someone yell out in pain, he rushes to where you are and is dumbfounded when he sees you latched onto the intruder with your teeth buried into his shoulder.

He asked for a nanny, not a weird ass dog.

Bedtime excites him, you're calm and pliant for once, he can admire your relaxed state now, your face showing no emotion, body spent from the running, nose having a little dry blood from when you knocked over a book case and broke your nose earlier.

Billy Lenz!

Oh no...

Bad idea mixing you both...

The Moaner and the Gremlin met and started dating...

You both ran everyone out of the house with your spontaneous bursts of energy.

The noises you both make could make anyone uncomfortable instantly, from him slurping on his own saliva and his heavy breathing to you soft and random laughing and cracking your joints roughly.

One day you both were decorating the tree for Christmas, he couldn't get the star up, so you ran and jumped on it causing it to fall.

Billy shouted "Timber!" and you both began laughing.

But he does love the silent, calm, cuddle moments you both have, it makes him feel loved and appreciated.

Thomas Hewitt!

The whole family got used to you right away.

Legit imagine being a victims facing Thomas, a huge, buff, tall man holding a chainsaw, and then all of a sudden you see a tiny human pop out from behind him physically vibrating.

You became the family's alarm for escaped dinner, you can sense movement outside, whip around, and bolt out the door yelping and screaming.

The family goes outside to see you chasing down someone, tackle them, and then sprint back with a living person being dragged behind you.

Hoyt fears you and keeps away.

Luda Mae appreciates your liveliness and dedication to Thomas.

Thomas loves you and your acceptance.

Due to you being.. well.. you.. he doesn't feel bad about taking off his mask.

One time Hoyt said something dumb about Tom's face and before Luda could do anything about it you lunged at him.

You wrapped yourself around his leg tight, and bit his thigh HARD!

You caused him to have a giant scar, a large chunk of his leg missing, a hole in his jeans, and a proud smile on your face.

Bo Sinclair!

You annoyed him, you still do, but he learned that you can't be tamed in any way.

You escaped his traps, escaped Vincent, and ATE YOUR WAY THROUGH WAX! FUCKING WAX!

He has you help out in Ambrose, you scare people more than he does when he holds a gun to their head.

You being there causes them to freeze, you have a spot in the corner of his garage, a little cot and a sign above it that says "Don't come near me, I will remove your limbs."

People become more pliant to Bo when you stand by him as he works.

He can let all his anger out on you and the next day you'll be calm from him using up a portion of your energy while he is in bed knocked out and spent fully.

When Bo flirts with other people you keep him in line, he senses danger whenever your even a little pissy, so when he gets caught flirting he knows to introduce you as his s/o before he gets his knees bent backwards.

Vincent Sinclair!

You are not allowed to be hyper in his art room, the art room is a thing you earn to be in.

When you're hyper and in "Havoc" mode you and shipped to Lester to let out energy with Jonesy, or to Bo to annoy.

When you're calm and not so hyper you can be in his art area with him.

You keep watch of those in that room, attacking anyone who dares to escape.

He uses you as a reference a lot.

When he wants to draw a landscape he lets you out with him so you can get out energy.

Chuckles when you roll down hills because you lost balance while running and started to tumble.

Tells you to catch any tumbleweeds that roll around, knowing you'll be distracted by them running sporadically around.

Plays with your hair if you have any and chuckles when you purr and lean into his touch.

Amused when you fall over because he moved his hand, thus loosing your support.

Adores to draw your sleeping figure, so rarely calm and relaxed, you're his favorite work of art, but god you sure are a piece of work.

Lester Sinclair!

It's like having two dogs, except one is human and he's in love with you.

Adores watching you and Jonesy play and roll around, you both having fun doing wild things fills his heart.

Brings you to work with him, you make work more fun and interesting for him.

He can't help but laugh when you annoy Bo, because everyone knows you will knock him on his ass if you wanted to.

Appreciates how you don't care about his smell and lack of hygiene.

When you both wrestle and rough house it makes him happy to know you trust him enough to do this with him.

Learns to appreciate quiet time though.

The silence and calmness, domesticity of the situation, makes his heart flutter.

At night when you both are snuggling into each other with Jonesy at you feet, the thought of tomorrow excites him more now than it did before.

[thesmutbasement]

Welcome to The Smut Bucket: This is where we put fics that defy categorization entirely (or we just haven't come up with the right category yet...)

Everything here in The Smut Basement is for 18+ friends only! Minors and unverified persons will be blocked. Please heed ALL author warnings when you click a link.

In the Dark by @coreychick (There’s tons of dirty talk, a sprinkle of spanking, and lots of yearning for your own version of this Mando in this series. Okay, Lauren’s yearning.)

Let’s Talk About Sex Baby by @pedro-pascal-love (Holy shit. This series had me having to take recovery time because it was so fucking filthy. Din is a very fast learner and his dirty talk alone is a panty soaker.) - Lauren

Rage by @the-scandalorian (I didn’t know I would like this until I read it. Please read and heed the warnings, and then read the warnings again, and then if you’re cool with “Mando kills a bunch of people to protect reader then they fuck on the floor in the same room” you will be rewarded with the craziest and hottest thing I’ve read this week! -Claire)

Resurrection by @slater-baby (Several breaks had to be taken by Lauren when reading this so please be advised. Iced water is recommended to have next to you because you will get thirsty for Din Djarin.)

Would You Let Me by @keeper0fthestars (This is a HOT and heavy AU Din fic about you wanting matching ink based on some of his, and also letting him be the one to do it. And I honestly almost fainted dead away at how hot it was, so yeah… give it whirl. –Claire)

Nighthawks by @pedros-mustache (This series is explosive. Reader is a little shit and Din is an even bigger shit, but together they are one filthy match. If Din threatened to put me over his knee I would ask only one question. Promise? 🥵) - Lauren

Bargaining with Beskar by @beskarberry (This series is one I come back to over and over and over again. You’re an ex bounty hunter who is now a bounty and Mando is the sexy tin can that’s sent after you. Sexy is a personal observation but still stands true. It’s one I find myself reading until the early morning because I am incapable of putting my phone down. It’s just too hot for me to go to sleep.) - Lauren

Cover Me by @letterfromvienna (This is a series I always find myself coming back to late at night. I reread it, get some very filthy feelings, yearn to be worshipped by Din, reread it again, yearn again, and the cycle repeats itself. It is HOT but you also get all the soft feelings accompanied with it which isn’t helping my yearning problem.) - Lauren

Bruises & Bitemarks by @221bshrlocked (The speed at which I switched accounts to add this to TSB. Yes, I absolutely did do it immediately because it is filthy and HOT. The walls are thin in the Razor Crest and you get caught making some pretty noises that happen to feature Mando’s name front and center. Cancel whatever plans you had for later and get comfortable. Maybe take a cold shower afterwards…) - Lauren

Chasing Butterflies by @tuskens-mando (This is about Siobhan who is an earthling on Tatooine and to be completely honest I’m not sure who I love more. Din? Siobhan? Probably both? Eri creates a beautiful love story and had me binging through the chapters because I couldn’t get enough. It’s got all the soft smut and ahem…breeding kink you need!) - Lauren

Yours for the Taking by @silksaddle (I always feel like we get spoiled every time we get face sitting and Din in the same fic. Am I right or am I right? Din comes back from his hunt early because he just needs to have you and that’s something I’ll be thinking about late at night…not sleeping. Just thinking about what Claire created.) - Lauren

Tight by @frannyzooey (Kelli said it first. This is a size kink like woah kind of fic and let me just scream about it for a minute. Kelli knows smut writing. An expert really to be honest so the fact that I read this more than once shouldn’t be a surprise. It’s to be expected. So this? Oooof. 🥵 Come to your own decision, but we’re going to reach the same one.) - Lauren

Velvet Mand’alor by @mandocrasis (Competency kink like WOAH. If you’re looking for the filth then spoiler alert you’ve found it in this fic. There’s some inappropriate use of his darksaber and now I wish it was canon honestly. I just want some throne sex after reading this. 🥵) - Lauren

Stitches by @djarinsbeskar (Bend me over and call me Kitten this series is as filthy as it gets. You’re a Medic and you end up on the razor crest taking care of a little green child with Mando and if you maybe end up on your knees taking care of him that’s your business. But can I join? It sounds like some good hot fun if you ask me.) - Lauren

Suggestion by @salt-is-a-terrible-currency (Well fuck me this is one of those fics that feature all of your favorite things in one series. Queue the Sound of Music gif! No? Okay. As always with TSB heed the author warnings. Now sit down and relax or if you’re like me take a cold shower instead because that’s what I had to do after reading it. 🔥) - Lauren

Beskar and Lace by @firstofficerwiggles (Mando makes a comment about your nightgown or rather lack thereof in his eyes and your rightfully petty self decides to take some sexy revenge and pop into a lingerie shop on the next planet. The sweet torture is delicious and the conclusion is something I will be thinking about for a long time, preferably late at night.) - Lauren

Many a Dream About You by @parker-razor (You have to share a bed with Mando in an inn and during the night he wakes up when you’re making some…interesting noises during your wet dream. And of course he’s interested and you’re embarrassed, but damn we get some good filth from it.) - Lauren

The Garden of Eden by @nobedofroses (Din visits a sex worker for something only she can provide. This was SOFT and HOT and I adored getting the opportunity to beta-read it!! -Claire)

[twiixr4kidz]

more bucci's gang headcanons

i love them

giorno giovanna:

he paints his nails

the crab rave video is infinitely playing in his mind

while he's not a vampire and doesn't have any vampire

really big fan of lil nas

he creates a bunch of random characters in his free time

the characters just exist; they don't really have a story or anything behind them

only plays on survival when he plays minecraft

types with his pointer fingers and only his pointer fingers when he's writing everything

he never ended up going back to school but he didn't really need it anyways

confused about every tiktok trend ever

hates regular caramel, loves salted caramel

really likes going to the beach

has walked in on fugo doing questionable things before and joined him

speaking of fugo, the two of them have had full on arguments over weather strawberry or chocolate milk was better

bruno bucciarati:

still reads newspapers

adds edible glitter to some of the meals he makes for the squad because he thinks its fancy

the designated person to kick out those door to door salesmen that try to get you to spend money

gives narancia a weekly allowance

if he kills at least one person, he doesn't get 20 bucks (this doesn't include missions)

can't spell words like necessary, experience, and exercise

very big on getting christmas presents for the team, even if one of them doesn't celebrate christmas or doesn't get him a present in exchange

loves the charm of disney movies but he's not the kind of guy you'd want to watch a movie with

on one hand, he seems like the kind of guy to watch the movie in silence and just enjoy it, right?

nah, he's criticizing everything

"that was cut weird" "why did he phrase it like that" "i don't like that character, here's every reason why"

he'll also pause the movie at the worst scenes to use the bathroom or get more snacks

he does have the common courtesy of being quiet in a public theater, though

leone abbacchio:

holds a grudge against any and every public restroom ever

tries to not be an ass and fails miserably

he's the only one allowed to bully him

one moment he'll be complaining that narancia's annoying him and the next he's beating up some rando for agreeing

went from emo to goth in the span of 10 years

it never was a phase for him

he really likes the cure

he's always wanted to own some kind of obscure pet but he's not sure what it would be

he's slightly leaning towards a farm animal

especially a pig or a sheep

yknow those font settings on phones? where you can adjust the size? he makes it as small as possibly

collects putties of all kinds and sizes

he has a little bit of hearing damage

hates the sound of fireworks but loves the sight

prefers rainy weather over sunny weathers, and prefers stormy weather over all of it

doesn't have any games on his phone (because he's boring /j)

his favorite food to have for breakfast is zucchini bread

if there's none available, then he just as a blueberry muffin and an egg or oatmeal

hates black coffee but drinks it anyways

guido mista:

he definitely does those 3am challenges (and he believes in them too)

him and narancia stay up super late doing really questionable things

like the one time they "made it snow" with baby powder in the bathroom and rushed to clean it because they thought they heard bruno

he's goes on pinterest for cursed images and unfunny memes

"if it's fried, it's better" *proceeds to fry a cracker*

has a "large vocabulary"

truth be told, he uses a lot of big words that he doesn't know the meaning of

it makes him sound smart to narancia but dumb to fugo

started a petition to get the stuart little books removed from shelves because he "hates that little shit"

he has "among us ur mom deez nuts" humour

pisses his pants whenever anyone says sus

he listens to some obnoxious (/pos) music

he and his music is so loud that is sounds like a whole ass rave in his room sometimes

jokes that abbacchio only ever leaves his room to get food and use the bathroom when in reality, the only time he's ever in his room is when he's going to bed

toilet papered someone's house and still isn't sure how he got away with it

his whole thing with the number 4 sometimes screws with his morals

he found a litter of 4 puppies all alone and hesitated on bringing them to a shelter because he didn't want bad luck

he ended up doing so anyways, but he regrets hesitating in the first place

narancia ghirga:

watches those "21st century humour" meme compilations

doesn't understand how palindromes work

cried when toys r us closed

listens to a surprising amount of edm and dubstep

probably cried when daft punk broke up

"would you still love me if i was a worm :((" "yes narancia" ":D"

every pair of earbuds he's gotten his hands of have broken within 48 hours and he has no idea how

makes really bad memes at 3am that don't make sense when he's fully conscious

whenever he's in charge of getting groceries, he gets a huge jug of fruit punch and hides it in his room

when he found out that mista was the one who broke his boombox, he stole his hat for a week

he doodles a lot

if bruno gives him a mission briefing, he'll doodle all over it during meetings

plays roblox with mista, fugo, and giorno a lot

prefers nectarines over oranges

his diet is mostly fruits and salty snacks

he acts like he's not scared of anything a lot

he's very courageous

gets suspicious when he sees cars passing the base at night

offers to be on look out even when bruno assures him that he doesn't need to be worried

he knows he shouldn't be but he just wants to help keep the team safe

he's able to predict whenever the phone rings 5 seconds before it actually does

and, he can stop the microwave as soon as it hits zero but before it beeps

his own power intimidates him

pannacotta fugo:

he has concerts in the comfort of his own room where he lipsyncs to 80s japanese citypop

joins in with narancia and mista's shenanigans a lot

eats a lot of salad

like a lot of salad

that man's diet is basically just lettuce, carrots, cucumbers, tomatoes, and dressing at this point

the designated chef for thanksgiving

terrible with both animals and children

except for the one time a little kid walked up to him on the street and called him daddy

he walked away as fast as possible and never looked back

wants a furby desperately

he's really fascinated by the cursed ones that the internet has made

liked the baked bean furby or the spaghetti o's furby

whenever he has free time, he works on knitting a scarf he's been working on for years

it's about 15 or so feet long and he doesn't plan on stopping working on it anytime soon

criticizes people's playlists

he has a lot of seemingly useless skills that his parents taught him that he rarely uses

stays up really late either studying something or just not being able to sleep

lays in bed staring at the ceiling for hours at a time

he's the person who makes sure everyone knows that dinner is ready

doesn't have his drivers license and is somehow the most reliable driver, next to giorno

he was taught how to use the home row when he was being taught how to type and completely disregarded it because it wasn't what worked for him

trish una:

rose quartz fanatic

not because she wants to find love, she just think it's really pretty

fascinated by the smallest things of the outside world

loves that she was spoiled as a kid but realized soon that she wouldn't have everything handed to her unless she worked towards it

tells bruno daily that he was more of a father to her than her father ever was in the 15 years he was in her life

wanted to be a model when she was younger but now wants to pursue a career in fashion designing

loves shirley temples

and black and white movies from america

loves when her nails are long because the tappy noise whenever she does things entertains her

listens to music box versions of songs she likes because they soothe her

brown and pink is her favorite color combination

does mista's makeup for him whenever he asks

she knows how to dance, she just doesn't do it often anymore so she's pretty rusty

wants to go to france at least once in her life

"committing crimes isn't ladylike" *robs a bank* /j

loves the symbolism of the rose in art and literature

speaking of art, she frequently visits are museums

she thinks up a lot of meanings behind the art that she sees

even though art is subjective, the team often just agrees with her explanations because they're so detailed and thought through

[angelatmidnight1]

Barked Up The Wrong Tree

A/N: This is part two to Let Sleeping Dogs Lie . I hope you like it.

No one disturbs Ole Fusey from his nap, and he’s out to teach Octane and Rampart a lesson. But, the pranksters’ alliance falls through; instead, both Walter and Ramya tickle Octavio.  

“Oho, man. That was awesome!”

Octane cheered, rounding just one more corner to make sure that he was far away from Fuse. Rampart brought up the rear, still laughing, and plopped down to the floor to catch her breath. 

“You’re tellin’ me. And here I thought Salvonians were known for kickin’ asses and takin’ names. Never thought that a lil’ tickling would have him bawlin for his mum.”

Octavio chuckled. “Think that’ll go down as the funnest prank I’ve pulled yet!” He continued, sprinting into Ramya’s workshop, which was their next destination. Since he didn’t have any games scheduled for a few days, Ramya offered to spruce up his legs a bit. Octane had so many cool mod ideas that he’d love to see on his legs; rockets, grenade launchers, maybe rockets and grenade launchers. 

It was even better that Ajay, who’d been scheduled for games the entire week, would be too busy to complain about what he added to his legs. He cared for his best friend deeply, but if he were being honest, she could be a real killjoy when she wanted to be. So, it felt really good that he could add some more pizazz to his babies without having to deal with her nagging. He was already yanking his left leg off when he noticed Rampart stopped in the doorway. Her brow was arched, and she had one hand on her hip.

“The best prank you pulled? I vaguely remember lendin’ you a hand…” She scoffed, heading to her workbench to gather the tools she needed. On her way over there, she snatched Octavio’s leg out of his hand. “I mean, let’s be real here, you would’ve mucked up the prank from here to Sunday if I didn’t help ya out.”

Octavio gave her an incredulous look before laughing. “Amiga, all you did was hold the feather! That’s not exactly what I’d call hard work.” He responded, preparing to pull his right leg off next. He was still riding high off of the adrenaline from pranking Fuse, so he had no issues in saying what he said next. “I guess I can see why it’d be a big deal to you, though. I know there ain’t much you do without Sheila.”

He heard Ramya drop something, most likely a wrench. His grin widened as she stared at him, dumbfounded. 

“What’d you say?”

The speedster snickered. “You heard me! I’m surprised you had the time to help out at all, since I know how much su bebé (your baby) keeps you busy.” He continued confidently. He knew he was headed into dangerous territory, but so what? What was she gonna do about it? If she grabbed Sheila to teach him a lesson, it’d prove his point. “Don’t get me wrong! Sheila is awesome. But pranks are where I shine, amiga. So you better not forget that.”

Ramya growled and marched from around her workbench, taking his leg along with her. “If that ain’t the biggest crock of shit I’ve heard--only thing you’re good at is running!” She argued. She got within a couple feet from him, ready to throttle him, but then she had a better idea. “...Which ya can’t do much of now, can ya?”

“...What?”

Octane gave her a bewildered look. But, before he could ask what she was talking about, she started to back away from him. And, he noticed, she moved his limb from one hand to the other. 

“Listen, mate. I don’t know what cliff ya dived off recently, but your leg here is banged up good. So, I’m just gonna hang onto it for, ya know…safe keepin’.”

Now Octavio wasn’t laughing. He quickly put his right leg back on and got up, albeit awkwardly. “Chill, Ramya. I need that!” He said, making a move to take the leg back. Rampart got out of the way, causing him to fall back down with a crash. She burst out laughing.

“Yikes, you’re quite the klutz, huh? Relax, I ain’t gonna keep it forever. Maybe just a few weeks?” Ramya grinned widely at the look on his face.

“Hell no! Give me my leg back!”

Now, Rampart wasn’t actually going to take his leg. She just wanted to keep it long enough until he offered her an apology, or until she laughed herself silly from watching him hobble around like a pirate. Ramya laughed hard enough to snort while he attempted to take his leg back. And each time, just before he could get a grip on it, Ramya would pull back and watch him tumble. Octane got tired of it and the next time he lunged, he went for her instead, which she wasn’t expecting. The modder didn’t move out of the way in time, so when his fingers jabbed into her ribs, she let out a loud scream. She dropped the leg, holding her arm against her side.

“Alright, alright, take your bloody leg back.” Ramya grumbled, rubbing where he’d poked. “I was just messin’ around.”

Octane put his leg back on and stared at her. He didn’t poke her that hard, so why’d she scream? The gears in his head turned as he poked her again, this time in her side, and she slapped his hands away. 

“I said I was joking, ya idiot.”

Octavio grinned. “I heard you. I was just thinkin’ how Elliott had mentioned how ticklish you were, but I didn’t believe him.” He explained. He hurried towards the modder to close the distance. “Thought he was just talkin’ loco. But it looks like he was right, huh?”

Rampart glowered and smacked his hands away again when he went to poke some more. “I couldn’t give a toss about what that plonker said! But you better quit pokin’ me, unless your mate can get you some new hands too…”

Octane paused, looking at both of his hands. He could have metal legs and hands? Why didn’t he think of that! He’d definitely have to blow his hands off next. But, for now, he was standing in front of a ticklish Legend who tried to steal his leg. A punishment was in order!

The speedster didn’t have the patience for a buildup, so he made yet another jab at her ribs. Rampart threw a hand up to stop him, just like he expected, which allowed him to grab her wrist. He held it away from her and, before she could block him with her other hand, he pinched at her lowermost rib. Ramya screamed, her face getting redder by the second, and she swatted at his hand multiple times. 

“Stohop! You prihick!” She gritted her teeth, trying not to laugh. She pushed her shoulder into his chest, wanting to push him over, but he wasn’t having it. He let go of her wrist so he could wrap both of his arms around her torso and scritch all over the length of her rib cage. The modder violently jolted and broke out into loud laughter. 

“YOHOUHUHU FFF--HAHAHAHAHA!” Ramya pounded on his hands, thrashing about in his hold. “LEHEHET GOHOHOHO!”

Octavio refused and, laughing, he pulled her down onto the ground with him. “Haha, I knew it!” He cheered. She’d swatted at his hands one too many times, so he gathered up her wrists in one hand, holding them above her head. “Elliott was right; you are crazy ticklish!”

Instead of staying on her sweet spot, he jumped to her side and kneaded along it. Then, he poked at her stomach, making her squeal, before his hand finally dug into her armpit. Ramya was cackling the entire time but, when he focused on her armpit, she giggled uncontrollably. It wasn’t as bad a spot as her ribs, but it was definitely sensitive. 

“I’m gohohohohnna kihihill yohohohohu!” She yelled, pulling against the speedster’s grip. “Juhust wahahait! I’ll kihihihck yohohour ahahahass wihihhth your own bloody lehehegs!”

Octane snickered and jabbed his nails into the center of her armpit, making her laugh harder. “Oh no, anything but that! Por favor!” He mocked, grinning. He took his thumbs and scratched at the hollows in circular motions. “And whatever you do, don’t sic Sheila on me! I know just how much you lean on her.”

Rampart yelled in protest as the speedster descended back into her ribs, tickling at the spaces between them. She thrashed against the ground, hollering with laughter. All of the commotion caught the attention of Fuse, who’d awoken from his nap a while ago, and was out to dole out some good ol’ Salvonian justice. He stepped into the workshop at a leisurely pace, smirking. Octavio was too invested in tickling Ramya to notice, but Ramya did. She fought against his grip, trying to warn him, but she fell into hysterics when he tickled even faster. 

“SAHAHAHAHAHA! HE---HE’S---OCTAHAHAHAHAHAVIO!”

Octavio snickered and dug his thumbs into the base of her ribs, making her laughter go silent. “Not so funny anymore, is it chica? That’s what you get for—”

He abruptly stopped talking, feeling a cold hand grip his arm. He was then lifted as if he were weightless. He yelped and struggled in the hold, moving to push at the arm, and that’s when he realized who it was. His eyes snapped up to Walter’s, and the Salvonian’s smirk only broadened. 

“G’day, mate. I was wonderin’ where you pups ran off to.” He said, easily scooping the speedster’s other arm within the same hand. “I hate to interrupt you kids’ fun, but I reckon we’ve got some unfinished business, ay?”

Octane immediately shook his head. He struggled to wrench his arm free out of Walter’s literal iron hold, but the explosives expert lifted him higher, so that he was dangling just above the ground. “Wait! Hold ohohohn!” He interjected, yelping when Fuse prodded at his sides. The severity of what was about to happen crashed into him, making him want to high tail it…but all his legs did was kick around in the air. 

“Nohoho! Dude, come ohohohon!” Octane tried to make his case, but Walter wasn’t hearing it. “It wahahas a johohohke! Whyhy cahahan’t yohuhu tahahake a JOHOHOKE—”

Fuse scratched at the speedster’s tummy, making him scream and arch his back. He chuckled. “I can take a joke just fine! What I can’t take is havin’ you lot botherin’ me while I’m gettin’ me beauty rest!” He retorted, pinching each of his hips before he returned to his stomach. Octavio cried out and sucked in his stomach to try and escape the tickling. 

“IT WAHAHAHSN’T JUHUHUHST MEHEHEHEHE!” He yelled, bucking his hips when Walter poked at his belly button. Walter smirked, wiggling his finger inside the spot some more, and he glanced at the recovering modder. 

“I know, I didn’t forget about your partner in crime. She’ll get what’s comin’ to her.” He answered. He continued scratching in and around his belly button, drawing out more panicked laughter from Octavio.

Rampart, however, had other plans. Once she caught her breath, she got off the floor and marched right up to the men. “Or, you can let me at this plonker right now.” She cut in, gripping Octavio’s sides and digging her thumbs into them. “For thinkin’ he can get one over on me.”

Octavio’s eyes snapped wide open and he yelled before laughing even louder. “NONONOHOHO! DOHOHON’T TOHOHOUCH MEHEHE, RAHAHAMYA!” He demanded. He twisted his torso around in Fuse’s hold, trying to shake her hands off, but she easily kept up with him. Fusey snickered; considering what he’d witnessed before he entered the scene, he wasn���t surprised that Rampart had a bone to pick with him. But, it was still amusing to watch their alliance crumple apart.

So, much to Octane’s shock, Walter didn’t stop her. He moved his hand up higher, poking between his ribs, while Ramya found every ticklish nerve along his sides. 

“Wahahahalter! Dohohohohn’t lehehehet hehehr dohohoho thihihihs!” He pleaded. He tested the man’s grip, a foolish thing to do with his metal arm, and was only answered with a smirk. 

“Nah, I feel she’s justified, mate.” Fuse chuckled, swiping all of his nails down his ribcage before he pinched at each one. “Sure ain’t off the hook, but I don’t blame her for wanting a lil revenge of her own.”

“WHAHAHAT?!”

Octavio couldn’t believe what he was hearing; for starters, he didn’t act alone! But most importantly, Fuse didn’t even see what Ramya did before he got there. He opened his mouth to protest, but he let out a screaming laugh instead when the modder scribbled her fingers along his tummy. 

“Besides,” Ramya grinned, spidering her nails into the sides of his stomach, where he seemed to be especially ticklish. “The whole thing was your show anyway, right?”

“NAHAHAHA! THAHAHAT’S SUHUHUHCH BULLSH--AH!”

All of a sudden, Fuse dragged him to the floor, with Rampart following immediately after. He did this for two reasons; one, to make it easier for Ramya to join in on the fun. And two, to make sure she didn’t get accidentally kicked. Octavio’s legs had been moving a mile a minute, maybe faster, and Walter knew for a fact that one blow from those could cause a serious injury. With Walter keeping Octavio’s arms pinned and Ramya taking a seat on his waist, the speedster was royally screwed. The explosives expert went back to pinching at each of his ribs, while Ramya honed in on the area just above his belly button.

“SAHAHAHAHA! SHEHE--SHEHEHE STAHAHARTED IHIHIHT!” Octane whined. He was referring to what happened before he’d tickled Ramya, but was laughing too hard to elaborate. And, he wasn’t even being tickled on his worst spot. Not yet, anyways. Ramya grinned a smug grin and wriggled a finger back into his belly button. 

“Pfft, don’t get shy now, mate! You were mouthin’ off about how great this prank of yours was.” She chided. She made sure to get in deep, twisting her finger around like a screwdriver, and the speedster howled with laughter. She glanced at Fuse, still grinning. “You shoulda heard him. He said, and I quote ‘that’ll go down as the best prank I’ve pulled! Hell, maybe the best one in the Outlands!’” 

“I DIHIHIHD NOHOHOHOT!”

Now she was twisting his words! Octavio’s legs drummed against the floor as he flopped against the floor. He felt Fuse getting closer to his armpits, and he felt a deep seated panic in the pit of his stomach.

“WAITWAITWAIT! POR FAHAHAVOR, WAHAHAIT!” He pleaded, his entire body tensing up. Fuse, and surprisingly Rampart, both obliged. He breathed heavily, still giggling, especially when Walter flexed his fingers just underneath where his armpits started. “Plehehease dohohn’t tickle my armpihihits. Ramya’s twisting what I said, but I prohohomise I wohohon’t dohoho it AGAHAHAIN---”

Rampart didn’t let him finish; she ducked and blew a raspberry right in the center of his stomach. Octavio shrieked, making both Ramya and Walter laugh, and Walter dug underneath his left arm anyway. 

“Oh, I doubt that very much.” Fuse smirked, spidering his nails from one side of his armpit to the other. “Especially comin’ from you. You’re the very essence of trouble.” 

“Sure is.” Rampart chimed in, blowing another raspberry over his belly button. Octavio’s cackles filled up the entire workshop. He writhed in Walter’s hold, and bucked his hips as Ramya kept on blowing on his stomach. But despite his struggling, he couldn’t move away from the tickles, and it really tickled. 

“NOHOHAHAHAHA! STAHAHAHAHAHAP!” He screeched, laughing even harder as Fuse dug deeper into his hollows. Now, he was focusing on the center of his armpits, while Ramya dug her thumbs into his hips and waist. “POHOHOHOR FAHAHAHAVOR! I WOHOHOHOHN’T DOHOHOHOHO IHIHIHT!”

“Nah, I’ll have to think it over. Your track record says otherwise.” Walter insisted. He jumped to the speedster’s right armpit, earning another squeal, and used two fingers to scritch along the length of the spot. Octavio threw his head back; his right armpit was more sensitive than his left one, and he strained to pull his arms down. 

“NONONOHOHOHOHO! I SWEHEHEHEHEAR!” He pleaded, struggling with a renewed sense of energy. Fuse arched a brow; this time, he wasn’t even tickling that hard, and it seemed like Octavio wanted to pull his arm out of its socket, if it meant it went down. 

“Oh, c’mon, I’m barely touchin’ ya!” Fuse scoffed, poking his uppermost rib before he returned to the armpit. Ramya looked up from what she was doing; she thought the plonker’s stomach was his worst spot, but it looked like she was missing out on the real action!

“Yeah, he’s really laughin' up a storm, ain’t he?” 

That’s all Octane heard before he felt Ramya scoot up his waist, and bury her fingers into his left armpit. This next scream left him hoarse, and after that, all he could do was laugh and laugh. One hand on his armpits was bad; two were arguably unbearable. 

“PLEHEHEHEHEASE! STAHAHAHAHAHAHAP!” Octavio’s pleading finally gave way to hysterics as he kicked his legs against the ground. Walter opted for light, quick scratching along his right armpit. But Ramya was jabbing and poking all over the left one, so he couldn’t get used to either sensation. The tickling went on for a good five minutes; after that, Walter decided to ease up on the kid. His laughter had gotten silent, and he didn’t wanna kill him. 

“Alright, let’s give him a breather, ay?” Fuse stopped tickling him and gently nudged Ramya’s hand away. Rampart pouted; she was having a blast, but air was kind of important, and it looked like Octane needed a bunch of it. 

“Fine. Can’t have people dyin’ in here anyways. It’s bad for business.” She responded, snickering. She lightly ran her nails down Octavio’s tummy a few times before climbing off of his legs. Octavio snickered and panted, his chest rising and falling with each breath he took. 

“Bohohohth of yohuhu suck…” He complained, moving to pull his arms down…only to realize that Fuse hadn’t let go. Fuse grinned and looked down at the still-pinned speedster.

“Oh, ya think so? That’s alright, cause I never said I was lettin’ you go just yet.” 

It didn’t take very long for Octane to regenerate stamina, but all of that air he worked to bring in left him in one loud gasp. 

“No, doOOOHN’T--”

Walter poked his side, making him yelp, and he chuckled. “Hey, I was crystal clear! I said a breather. What, you thought you’d get off that easy?” 

Rampart blinked, not expecting the turn of events, but she was more than happy to continue. She plopped back down onto his legs, pressing her fingertips into his ribs, and wiggled away. 

“Nohohoho guhuhuhys! I’m sohohohohorry!”

Octavio’s apology fell on deaf ears; ole Fusey was bright eyed and bushy tailed, so he wouldn’t be going anywhere anytime soon.

[goldenraeofsun]

life is just a classroom

A 6k addition to this verse with Teacher!Cas and Teacher!Dean

Jody has never seen her staff with their heads so far up their own asses. They get one reasonably attractive new hire, and everyone is acting more like gossiping, horny teenagers than sane, I-am-responsible-for-multiple-children, teachers. Luckily, Jody’s the principal and expert in wrangling children and adults of all maturity levels.

But this, as Bobby used to say, is too early for this shit.

It’s 7:00 am, and if Jody has to hear one more word about Castiel Novak and his brooding stare and baby blue eyes, she’s going to dump her coffee all over Daphne Allen’s head. It’s not like the Teachers Lounge hasn’t seen more than its fair share of spilled coffee. The brown-ish grey-ish carpet is more for utility than aesthetics, and is probably older than Jody herself.

“I’ve been trying to find out more about him, but he’s so reserved,” Daphne is saying. She sighs. “I’ve always been a sucker for the strong, silent types.”

Jody rolls her eyes and adds more sugar to her coffee.

“I think he mentioned he was actually a student here,” Kelly says, leaning in conspiratorially, “the same year as Dean.”

“No way,” Daphne breathes.

Jody dumps in more sugar.

“Has Dean mentioned anything about him? Is he single?”

For Christ’s sake. It’s the second day of school - Jody is very confident her teachers have better things to do than cross boundaries with new colleagues.

Daphne frowns. “No, he hasn’t. But Castiel definitely doesn’t wear a ring.”

Kelly rolls her eyes. “Would I even be talking about him if I thought he was married?”

Jody clears her throat, saying loudly, “Well, I’d better get back to work. Morning announcements will start soon.”

Both Kelly and Daphne jump guiltily.

Pleased, Jody strides out of the Teachers Lounge, nearly running into Donna. “Here,” she says, pressing the coffee into her hands. “I put too much sugar in it anyway.”

“Oh, hey, thanks Jody-o!” Donna beams.

Jody jerks her head towards Daphne and Kelly, heads ducked together and clearly already back to it. “Watch out for ‘em. They’ll get you sucked in gossiping about the new hire.”

“That Castiel?” Donna asks, her eyes lighting up. “He’s such an angel.”

“Not you too,” Jody grumbles as she stalks out. She has a school to run.

* * *

“Bonne journée, tout le monde.” Castiel waves his students out. “Etudiez bien pour le quiz la semaine prochaine! Si vous avez besoin d’aide, n'hésitez pas à venir me voir.”  

Daphne lets the juniors stream past her, steels herself, and knocks on the door.

“Oui?” he asks without looking up.

Daphne swallows nervously. “Castiel?”

Castiel straightens, and holy hell, those eyes are so blue. “Hello,” he says, “I’m sorry, I thought you were a student.”

“No worries at all,” Daphne says with tittering laugh. “I was just wondering if you wanted to get a drink?”

“A drink?” Castiel echoes.

“To celebrate the end of the first week?” Daphne adds. “Kelly, Aaron, and I have a little tradition.”

“I see,” Castiel says, sounding taken aback. He fiddles with the strap of his bag before slinging it over his shoulder.

As the seconds drag on without a response, Daphne frowns. Is he going to refuse? Daphne had told Kelly this was a stupid plan -

“Can I bring Dean?” he asks.

Daphne blinks. “Dean? Yes, of course,” she says, mentally recalibrating her assessment of Edlund High's newest Latin/French teacher. He and Dean must be closer than she had assumed from their interactions in the Language Office. Maybe Castiel is less the stoically reserved type and more the shy, socially awkward wallflower. Her heart melts, so she adds, “the more the merrier.”

“Wonderful,” Castiel says, smiling. “What time?”

“We were thinking of leaving in like an hour,” Daphne says, “but you can also meet us there - Fizzle’s Folly? It’s on Water Street.”

Castiel raises his eyebrows at the name.

Daphne giggles. “Garth’s wife - have you met Garth? He teaches Chem - owns it. There’s a whole story there, but I can tell you later, if you like.”

Castiel smiles. “I’d like that, thank you.” He hefts his shoulder bag higher. “I grew up here, but it’s been a number of years since I spent a long time in this school district. I don’t remember a Fizzle’s Folly.”

“It used to be called Fenris,” Daphne says as they walk out.

Castiel’s brow furrows. “Wasn’t that a biker bar?”

“Yup, that’s the one,” Daphne says, nodding to Krissy Chambers and her friend Josephine as they pass by. “It underwent a little bit of a makeover when Garth and Bess took over.”

“So no bikers?”

“Not unless you count Garth,” Daphne says, grinning, as she pushes open the door to the Language Office. “He owns a motorcycle, if you can believe - oh, hey, Dean.”

Dean glances up from his desk at Daphne’s acknowledgement. “Hey,” he says slowly, his eyes flicking from Castiel to Daphne and back again. “What’s up?”

“Daphne invited me out for drinks,” Castiel says as Dean’s eyebrows rise, “Would you like to come?”

Dean’s mouth purses. “Wouldn’t want to be an imposition.”

“I already asked,” Castiel says as Daphne nods once. 

And maybe in a week, once Daphne and Castiel know each other better, they can get drinks alone together. Or Kelly can get drinks alone with him. Daphne won’t fight Kelly for him, and Kelly won’t fight her. He’s not a piece of meat, as Kelly is all too fond of reminding if they go too far after too many margaritas. 

After a beat, Dean says in a funny voice, “Okay then.”

Daphne walks around the both of them to get to her desk. “Aaron’s going to be there, if that matters,” she says without looking up.

“Aaron?” Castiel asks curiously.

“History teacher,” Dean says at the same time that Daphne provides, “Dean’s ex.”

Dean pinches the bridge of his nose as Castiel turns to him.

“Not an ex,” Dean grumbles. “We had a thing. Briefly. Years ago. It was before-” he coughs, “anyway.”

“I see,” Castiel deadpans.

Daphne frowns, meeting Castiel’s gaze over Dean’s head. “We are a LGBTQ friendly school,” she says sharply. “Dean runs the Gay-Straight-Alliance. If you have any… issues with that, I’d recommend talking to Jody before we leave.”

Dean looks oddly touched. “Thanks, Daph.”

Castiel just shakes his head. “I’m not homophobic. Dean can attest to that.”

“He had a boyfriend in high school,” Dean says with a grin.

Daphne’s face heats up embarrassingly quickly. “Ah - good for you.”

It’s not the end of the world. He could be bi, like Dean.

* * *

Aaron’s glad Dean and Castiel are here, if just to steer the conversation away from all the boy talk. He always has a good time with Kelly and Daphne, but, damn, they can really fixate. Lately, all they’ve been focusing on is Castiel, which, Aaron can kind of get behind - even though, obviously, Dean is more his type.

Thankfully they’ve cooled it with Castiel actually in the room with them.

Poor dude looks in over his head by the time they’re all sipping their second round of drinks. That’s probably why, when Aaron offers to get refills and snacks, Castiel jumps up to assist, quick on his heels. 

Daphne and Kelly’s eyes follow Castiel’s ass to the bar. Sometimes they really are shameless.

“You doing okay?” Aaron asks after he’s flagged down the bartender. 

“Oh yes,” Castiel says, bobbing his head in a nod. “It’s just… I don’t get out often.”

“I know they can be a bit much,” Aaron says, jerking his head back at their table. “If you want them to cool it with the questions, just say so.”

“I don’t mind.”

Aaron makes a face but doesn’t comment further. It’s Castiel’s funeral if he wants to keep playing into Kelly and Daphne’s hands like silly putty. Aaron warned the guy. He did his job to uphold bros before hos - even if Castiel is barely a bro and Aaron co-ran Kelly's campaign for City Council and let her cry into his shoulder when she lost, and he went to church with Daphne for a couple weeks because she knew her abusive ex-boyfriend was going to be there. 

Mom practically had a heart attack when she heard about the Church thing through the grapevine, which stunned Aaron to no end because, of all his siblings, he was the only one who actually followed up on his threat to get kicked out of Hebrew school. Organized religion has never been his thing, anyway. Two Sundays with Kelly sandwiching Daphne in the pews wasn’t going to change that.

Moreover, it’s not like Aaron's never leaned on the girls for help. Daphne called her second-cousin, the cardiologist, to give a third-opinion on Dad's diagnosis. Kelly let Aaron sleep on her couch for a month because she lived across the street from the hospital. They listened to him whine about his unrequited thing for Dean Winchester when everything else in his life was going to hell. Speaking of-

“So you know Dean pretty well?” Aaron asks casually.

Castiel freezes.

“You keep staring at him,” Aaron says.

“I -”

“Relax,” Aaron says as he leans back against the bar. “Been there.”

Castiel purses his lips. “Daphne did mention you were… involved.”

“That’s a nice way of putting it,” Aaron says, since Daphne could’ve been a lot more damning in her assessment. “We slept together a couple of times. I was feeling it - he wasn’t - and that was the end of that.”

“Oh,” Castiel says, looking relieved. He glances at Aaron out of the corner of his eye. “And do you still… like him?”

Aaron snorts. “I mean, we’re not in middle school. It’s a little more complicated.”

Castiel’s brows draw together in a forbidding frown.

“I was just gonna say,” Aaron supplies quickly, “do I still think he’s hot? Yes, I have eyes. Do I want to marry him and push my mother over the edge by marrying a guy and a goy? Not anymore.”

Castiel settles back down, and Aaron makes a mental note not to piss him off anytime soon. “A word of advice?” he says as he turns back around to grab their drinks, “Don’t insult his car - or Led Zeppelin - or his brother.”

Surprised, Castiel takes a moment before laughing. “Or pie.”

“No quicker way to get your name on Dean Winchester’s shit list,” Aaron agrees. He surveys Castiel again. “So you know him pretty well already?”

Castiel shrugs. “We went to high school together.”

“Kelly mentioned,” Aaron says. “What was he like?”

“Dean?”

“No, Gary Busey,” Aaron says, rolling his eyes, “of course Dean.”

Castiel doesn’t say anything for a long moment. “Very similar to how he is now,” he says, which doesn’t tell Aaron much. “Charming. Caring. Intelligent in the strangest of ways.” Castiel pauses. “Handsome.”

“Yeah, that does sound like him,” Aaron agrees. He’s been on the receiving end of Dean’s charm offensive once or twice. It’s always left his head spinning.

Interrupting his train of thought, “Hey!” Dean calls shamelessly across the bar. “What are you two alte kakers up to?”

Aaron waves him off, unable to hide his smile at Dean’s casual Yiddish. He only picked up two or three words from Aaron, back when Aaron dove head-first into his ill-advised thing with Dean so he didn’t have to think about all the other shit going on in his life. “Here, grab the sides will you?” Aaron asks Castiel. “I think we’ve left Dean alone with them for long enough.”

Castiel dutifully picks up the mozzarella sticks and fries as Aaron double-checks his tray of glasses won’t topple over.

“Watch who you’re calling old men,” Aaron tells Dean as he sets the drinks down at their table.

“You were just gabbing up there,” Dean protests, reaching for his beer, “leaving these two lovely ladies with only little old me for company.”

Castiel snorts as Daphne rolls her eyes above the rim of her drink.

“Then you should’ve gone with yentas ,” Aaron says as he sits down.

“Like Barbra Streisand?” Dean eyes them both up and down. “Can’t say I see the resemblance.”

Aaron runs a hand down his face. “How do you know Barbra Streisand and not what yenta means?”

“Sammy made me watch it,” Dean says into his beer.

Aaron laughs. “Sure.”

“Hey, Castiel,” Daphne interrupts, “Dean was telling us the funniest story about you from way back-”

Castiel shoots Aaron a desperate look, but Aaron just grabs a mozzarella stick and settles in. Let the girls have their fun. 

* * *

“So, Castiel, are you seeing anyone?” Kelly asks after finishing her third whiskey sour. Nine months of sobriety/pregnancy had shot her tolerance to nothing. And, sure, Jack is almost four now, but Kelly still has a hard time knowing when to call it quits.

Whatever. She doesn’t regret the question. It’s been plaguing her and Daphne - and by extension Aaron because he had to listen to them - for a whole goddamn week.

Daphne’s eyes go wide.

Off to the side, Aaron slaps his hand to his forehead.

Dean turns to Castiel, his gaze piercing.

Castiel goes bright red. It’s a good color on him. Brings out the blue in his eyes. “I - well, that is to say - I am not - it’s complicated?” he fumbles.

Dean snorts as he picks up his beer to take a long pull.

Kelly frowns. “It’s complicated?” she repeats, disappointed. “How?”

“I am not comfortable discussing my personal life with colleagues,” Castiel says stiltedly.

Dean thumps him on the back. “Good move,” he says, “these three are the worst gossips in the school.”

“Hey!” Kelly protests automatically although Dean is, unfortunately, right. But it’s not her fault everyone else on staff at Edlund High doesn’t know how to have a good time.

Daphne knocks back her cosmo murderously.

Aaron shrugs.

“It’s not a bad thing,” Dean adds, “definitely has its uses. Just something for the newbie to know, right, Cas?”

“Of course,” Castiel says, sounding like he doesn’t know what exactly he’s agreeing to. 

What a cutie. Kelly grins as she leans in over the table. “You want to know which students are the worst?”

Dean frowns. “Come on, there’s no need to dunk on minors.”

“Who’s dunking?” Kelly asks innocently. “I was going to warn him about Max Banes.”

“Oh, yeah, you should know about him, Cas,” Dean says with a laugh. “Kid’s a horndog. Gives my libido a run for my money.”

Castiel blinks. “Does he… pursue teachers?”

Daphne pats his hand. “Not yet. These three think it’s only a matter of time.”

“Oh,” Cas says, “That was very frowned upon at Carver Preparatory.”

Dean rolls his eyes. “It’s frowned on here too, asshole. If he makes any… advances, just let Jody know. She and Donna - the guidance counselor - can handle it.”

“If I was going to put my psych degree to good use,” Daphne adds, “I would read into his lack of father figure. Their mom’s great, but Max doesn’t have a lot of male role models in his life.”

Kelly scowls.

Dean huffs into his beer. “Single parents have it rough, though.”

“Of course they do,” Daphne says with a significant look at Kelly. “Nobody’s saying they don’t.”

“I was raised by a single dad,” Dean protests, “and he raised me and my brother right.” He holds up a hand, and Castiel snaps his mouth shut before Kelly had even noticed it opening in the first place. “Don’t you start. I know you have thoughts about Dad, but that’s a conversation for another day.”

Kelly eyes them both curiously, but before she can ask, Aaron interrupts, “Did you guys hear about Krissy and Aidan? I think they are finally going to-”

“No way!” Daphne says, shaking her head. “She’s clueless. And he’s inept. The worst combination.”

“I believe in them,” Kelly announces. “What’d you hear, Aaron?”

As Aaron launches into the latest installment of their favorite will-they won’t-they senior couple, Kelly can finally appreciate the lazy smile Castiel wears as he settles in to listen. Maybe Aaron was right, and she and Daphne came on a little strong.

Whatever. No regrets. She wouldn’t trade that valuable intel from Castiel for anything. 

* * *

That was Kelly’s last night out for a solid month. Every other weekend, her usual babysitter called in sick or said she was busy. And usually Kelly would be happy to spend more time with her son, but come on. A month with no breaks? 

Christ, she’s such a bad mom.

Times like this don’t help.

“Jack?” Kelly calls, spinning around in the department store. Panic races through her veins. “Jack!”

She had turned her back for one minute to grab a set of towels from the highest shelf, and by the time she turned around, Jack was gone. She scans the surrounding racks of linens, her eyes peeled for any sign of Jack’s Spider-Man shirt. Heart beating erratically, she pushes her shopping cart back towards the bedding aisle - Jack had been enamored with a set of hideous, bright orange sheets, and Kelly had only gotten him away by bribing him with a piece of nougat.

“Jack!” she shouts again, going a bit red in the face as people turn to stare. 

“Kelly?” 

Shit. How could she miss Dean Winchester standing right in front of her?

“Dean!” Kelly greets, pasting on a fake smile as she cranes her neck around to scan the aisles behind him. “Didn’t expect to see you here.”

“It was recently brought to my attention I needed a bathmat,” Dean grumbles, “and a shower curtain that doesn’t have the Scooby Gang on it.”

Kelly laughs, a tad hysterically. “Probably. I - well, nice running into you. I need to go - my son’s wandered off, and I need to find him because I am not a terrible mother.”

But instead of standing to the side, Dean adopts a pained expression. “He’s four, right?”

Kelly blinks. “Yes.”

Dean jerks his head for Kelly to follow. “I think I know where he is,” Dean says griml

Bemused, Kelly pushes her cart after Dean, back to the display beds. Her eyes zero in on the orange eye-sore, currently occupied by a jumping toddler. A dark-haired man perches on one edge with his back to them, apparently trying to communicate with Kelly’s wayward son.

She all but sprints forward, nearly bumping her shopping cart into several bed frames. “Jack!” she says loudly, and Jack stops at once. 

“Mama!” he calls back delightedly.

“What are you doing?”

“Jumping.”

Kelly resists the urge to facepalm. “What did I tell you about wandering off? Or talking to stran-” She backtracks, finally focusing on the man. “Oh, hi, Castiel.”

“Hello, Kelly,” Castiel says, his deep voice sending a frisson down her spine like it always does.

“You know Mama?” Jack asks, looking from Kelly to Castiel and back again.

“We work together,” Castiel explains.

“This is Castiel,” Kelly introduces, and Jack wastes no time in chirping out, “Nice to meet you Castiel!’ 

Castiel sticks out his hand like he’s greeting the President instead of Kelly’s four-year-old son. “You as well, Jack.”

“What’re you doing here?” Kelly asks as Jack gives Castiel’s hand a theatrical shake. 

Castiel’s brow furrows. “Purchasing home goods?” He gets to his feet. “I was searching for a suitable bathmat when I found Jack.”

“A bathmat,” Kelly echoes, whirling in place to see a red-faced Dean a few paces away, apparently enthralled by a set of outrageously mundane pillows.

“Yes?” Castiel confirms, following her gaze and blushing furiously. “Ah, hello, Dean. I - I didn’t see you there?”

Dean throws his hands in the air, giving up on all pretenses. “You’re impossible,” he says to Castiel.

“You’re buying a bathmat together?” Kelly asks, confused.

“Dean doesn’t have one,” Castiel says promptly. 

“I didn’t need one until-” Dean closes his mouth with a snap.

Kelly stares at the pair of them. “Do you two live together?” she demands.

Castiel opens his mouth, but no words come out.

Kelly turns to Dean, who is rapidly scanning for the exits.

“Are you the ‘it’s complicated’?” she asks curiously, only looking away as Jack pats her knee determinedly, his face hopeful.

“Up?” he asks.

Kelly sighs and hefts him into her arms. “You’re getting too big for this.”

“Am not,” Jack mumbles into her shoulder.

Kelly presses a kiss to his forehead and turns back to Castiel and Dean, who look more like two students caught passing notes than fully grown men. “Well?”

Dean shares a loaded glance with Castiel, and Kelly has no idea how she missed the whole couple thing. Eventually, he says, “After two f-” he glances at Jack, “-friggin’ years, he finally got sick of cold feet in my bathroom.”

“Two years,” Kelly gapes.

Castiel sighs. “Three.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t start sleeping over at-”

“Dean,” Castiel interrupts in a growl.

Dean rubs the back of his neck. He coughs. “Anyway,” he says, “Yes, we’re dating. No, it’s not really that complicated. Cas just doesn’t like to talk about it at work.”

“Hm,” Kelly says neutrally.

“I would appreciate it if you didn’t spread it around,” Castiel says as Dean snorts derisively.

“Hey,” Kelly says, defensive, “I can do that.”

Dean raises his eyebrows. “You can?”

“Sure, if you ask, Jesus,” Kelly says, rolling her eyes. “I’m not a monster.”

“Thank you,” Castiel says gratefully.

Kelly grins. “But if I can’t spread it around, Daphne’s still going to go after him like he’s a prize heifer at a state fair.”

Castiel squints at her, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. “She was pursuing me?” 

Dean guffaws. “Don’t ever change, man.” He claps him on the back while turning back to Kelly. “We can handle Daphne. Don’t worry.”

“Whatever, boys,” Kelly says as she pushes her cart back towards the linens, “it’s your funeral.” She hefts Jack higher in her arms. “Say goodbye to Dean and Castiel, Jack.” As Jack waves goodbye, she calls, “See you Monday!”

Sure, she’s a little disappointed Castiel is clearly off the dating market. But, bonus, she has blackmail material on not one, but two Edlund faculty members, and possibly a pinch-hitter babysitter waiting to happen. Not bad for a shopping trip with a four-year-old in tow.

* * *

Donna’s surprise party at Fizzle’s Folly is well underway by the time Aaron extricates himself from a lively discussion with his Head of Department and Rowena MacLeod, Edlund's chemistry teacher. Aaron will never, ever miss an opportunity to talk to a drunk Eleanor Visyak, and Rowena turned out to be surprisingly knowledgeable about 17th century English politics.

Still, he’s taken all the history talk he can stand, especially after teaching it for four hours to a bunch of high schoolers with varying degrees of interest. 

He finds Daphne in one of the far booths, tucked away with Castiel and Dean, surprise, surprise. After snagging another beer at the bar, he slides in next to Daphne. “What’s up?” he asks the three of them.

“Hey,” Dean greets with a toast of his glass.

“Hello, Aaron.”

“Budge up, you’re taking like three quarters of the seat,” Daphne complains.

“Daph was just telling us about her plans to do a joint project between GSA and the Amnesty International club,” Dean says. “Cas says he’ll come to GSA next week.”

“Yeah?” Aaron asks as Castiel nods in confirmation. “That’s great! I’d go check it out, but the Debate club meets at the same time.”

Castiel frowns. “Maybe I should run a club? Daphne has Amnesty International, Dean runs GSA, and you have Debate.”

“You can always ask Jody about forming a new one in January,” Aaron says. “Honestly, the hardest part’ll be finding a time to meet. Don’t go for afterschool Thursdays, or Benny will kick your ass.”

“Why?”

“He has his cooking club,” Dean says with a grin. “And, like, half the student body goes. I sometimes go and help out too, if he needs extra hands.”

“You’ll go if he’s making pie,” Aaron corrects.

“It’s for the kids!” Dean protests over Castiel’s chuckles. “Benny’s got a lot of skills, but he has a lot to learn when it comes to pie. The kids need to know how to make a good pie.”

“If only to feed you later,” Aaron mutters.

“You’ll also want to avoid Tuesdays afterschool,” Daphne tells Castiel. “Jo’s self-defense club meets then, and it’s also got a large following.”

“Yeah, all the girls who wanna be like Jo sign up, and all the boys who want to see Jo all sweaty show up with semis,” Dean says with a shudder of revulsion.

Aaron kicks him under the table. “That’s sexist. How are you forgetting all the lesbians?”

“Ah, yes, can’t forget the lesbians,” Dean agrees sagely.

“Does this school have Model UN?” Castiel asks. “I was looking to set up a chapter at Carver before I switched positions.”

“No, we don’t,” Daphne says eagerly. “That’s an excellent idea.”

Dean drains the dregs of his beer. “I’m gonna get another, Cas? Daph? A-Game?”

Aaron rolls his eyes at the nickname. “I’m good,” he says, holding up his three-quarters full glass.

“Another cosmo, please?” Daphne asks.

“Sure.” Dean salutes.

“I’ll go with you,” Castiel says as Daphne’s face falls. “I need to stretch my legs.”

They leave, heads already bent together to hear each other over the dull roar of the party. “They seem close,” Aaron says, jerking his head.

Daphne sighs. “Yeah, they do,” she says morosely. She twirls her empty glass between her fingers. “Kelly’s given up on him. I think you might be right - he definitely has a thing for Dean.”

Aaron sips his beer. “I don’t blame him.”

“Of course you don’t,” Daphne says with a small grin, lightly kicking him under the table.

Before Aaron can think of anything else to say, Kelly appears over Daphne’s shoulder, her face flushed as it always gets when she drinks too much red wine. She slides into the side of the booth vacated by Dean and Castiel. “Some party, right? Did you see Garth doing shots?”

“No,” Daphne says, nose wrinkling. “And I don’t want to. I’ll stay here, out of the splash zone, thanks.”

Kelly giggles. “Why d’you think I’m over here instead of egging him on like Jo and Charlie.”

By the time Aaron finishes off the rest of his beer, Daphne’s still one cosmo short, and it’s been at least twenty minutes since he saw Dean and Castiel.

“Hey, I’ll go check up on that drink you’re waiting for,” Aaron says, getting to his feet.

“You sure?” Daphne asks, blinking hazily up at him. And okay, it’s probably good she had a breather between rounds.

“Yeah,” Aaron says, jerking his head towards the bar. “I need to piss anyway.”

“Gross,” Daphne says, nose wrinkling.

Kelly giggles, “If you think a little pee is gross, you don’t want to hear what Jack got up to with-”

Daphne actually places both hands over her ears and goes, “Na, na, na.”

Aaron leaves the pair of them laughing, with Kelly trying to pry Daphne’s hands away and Daphne getting louder with each tug.

He makes his way through the thinning crowd, waving to Eleanor when he spots her getting ready to leave and nodding to Charlie as she adjusts the empty shot glasses in front of her, Jo, and an impossibly red-faced Garth.

Aaron slides between the thinning crowd to duck out into the hallway leading to the bathrooms. As he gets closer to the men’s room, he slows. There are sounds coming from behind the door. Not like the pained bathroom sounds like Great Aunt Rachel gets after too much dairy. Porn sounds.

Aaron, torn between finding out who’s getting down and dirty at Donna’s surprise party, and getting Kelly and Daphne so they can witness the big reveal with him, is still rooted to the spot as the door bursts open and Castiel and Dean stumble out.

Cas’s hair is a bird’s nest of bedhead that would probably drop Daphne’s panties in a heartbeat. Dean’s cheeks are flushed, and Aaron definitely recognizes his immediate post-orgasm face.

“Fuck,” Dean swears as he finds his footing. He stares at Aaron, and Aaron stares right back.

“Aaron,” Castiel says breathlessly, temporarily drawing his attention. “You’re… here.”

“I had to pee,” Aaron says lamely.

“Oh, well, it’s all yours then,” Dean says, blushing to the roots of his hair as he gestures to the now available men’s room.

“Fuck no.” Aaron automatically recoils. There’s no way he’s touching any surface in that bathroom until it’s been scrubbed and bleached. He has some goddamn standards. He’d rather pee in the alley out back.

They linger awkwardly until Aaron speaks. He eyes the pair of them, his gaze ping-ponging back and forth. “So… you two are finally together?”

“Finally?” Dean echoes.

“Uh yeah,” Aaron says, confused. “Castiel clearly has a huge thing for you. Not to spill the beans or anything.”

A beat.

Dean cracks up.

Aaron, almost offended on Castiel’s behalf, opens his mouth as he catches sight of Castiel’s face, lips pressed tight together like he’s trying not to laugh. “You knew?”

Castiel slowly shakes his head as Dean leans on him for support, gasping for air. “Oh my god, Cas, that’s fucking embarrassing. D’you have a crush on me?”

“Shut up, Dean,” Castiel grumbles, shoving him off. To Aaron he says, “We’ve been dating for three years. He’s known about my feelings for a while now.”

“Oh,” Aaron says, drawing the syllable out as Dean composes himself.

“Jesus Christ,” Dean says, wiping at his eyes, “I thought I was going to give it all away, but turns out you’re just as obvious as you were in high school.”

Castiel sighs. “We were trying to not spread our relationship around.”

“Cas wanted to get settled in before people started saying he was my trophy husband,” Dean says with a wink.

Horror seizes Aaron. “You’re not married, are you?” he blurts. He glances down at their hands - no rings - and he would never forgive himself for missing something that obvious.

“No,” Castiel shakes his head, “we are only dating for now.”

“Not yet.”

Castiel turns to Dean in surprise, and Aaron really doesn’t need to be here for that conversation. “Oh-kay,” he says, sidling around them, “I still gotta,” he jerks his head towards the men’s room. 

“Right!” Dean says, grinning. “We should get back to the party. Say hi to Donna.”

Aaron makes his exit, sighing in relief as the door closes behind him. He should be fine if he doesn’t touch anything. Or look at any shiny surfaces too closely. Once upon a time, he lived with a dozen Alpha Epsilon Pi brothers. He can do this.

* * *

Daphne has had it up to here with her juniors. Yes, Homecoming is this weekend. No, their essays aren’t due until next week, but that doesn’t excuse their behavior this Friday afternoon. Nobody wants to be in class at a quarter to three. High school juniors don’t. Daphne sure as hell doesn’t. They can’t cut her a little slack?

When the bell finally rings, Daphne sighs in relief. She dismisses her class with a terse, “Aufiderzein.”

She gathers her files together, grumbling to herself about stupid staff meetings on Friday. It’s like Jody wants them to surreptitiously play games on their phones and text each other when she’s looking the other way or yelling at Rowena for blowing up the Chemistry Lab again. 

At least Benny always brings snacks from Thursday’s Cooking Club. 

Daphne glances at her watch. Jody gives them a half-hour to get their affairs in order, but Daphne doesn’t mind staking out her seat in the Teachers Lounge early. She can save spots for Kelly and Aaron and stake out the precious few non-wobbly chairs.

She stops by the Language Office, pleasantly surprised to find it empty. No Dean, Kelly, or Castiel in sight. Daphne quickly gathers her freshmen pop quizzes to grade this weekend and her copy of Die Verwandlung.

She rounds the final corner before the Teachers Lounge and stops dead. Because Aaron and Kelly are hovering outside the door and spying through the slim glass pane. Without her.

“What’s going on?” Daphne asks curiously.

“Ah!” Kelly whirls around, clutching her heart.

“Daphne!” Aaron says loudly. “What’re you doing here?”

“Saving us a seat for the meeting?” Daphne says, crossing her arms over her chest. “Like I do every month?”

Aaron and Kelly share a loaded look. Aaron is the first one to speak, “I think we’re good this time.”

“Why?” Daphne asks, stepping closer. She frowns as Kelly and Aaron automatically stand shoulder-to-shoulder, blocking her view of the narrow window.

“Students are in there,” Aaron blurts.

“Puking,” Kelly adds.

Daphne doesn’t believe them for a second. “And you’re just standing there watching it happen?”

“Schadenfreude?” Aaron tries. “It’s the mean ones. You know. The kids we don't like.”

Daphne rolls her eyes, pushing them aside and standing on her tiptoes to see.

“We tried,” Aaron grumbles to her right.

“They can’t fault us for that,” Kelly says to her left.

At first, it looks like the Teachers Lounge is empty. Most seats are unoccupied, and nobody’s loitering by the coffee machine. One of the tables is strewn with three mostly-empty mini pie tins. Cherry, by the color. Movement catches her eye, and, woah how did she miss that?

“No way,” she breathes, glancing at Aaron and Kelly for confirmation.

Aaron scuffing his shoes against the floor, nods sheepishly.

“They made me promise not to tell,” Kelly says ruefully, lips pursing. 

“Dean and Castiel?” Daphne gasps, squinting to better see Edlund High’s newest hire and favorite English teacher (no offense, Kelly) getting at it on the lumpy couch in the back that no one sat on because of this very reason.

She rounds on them. “You knew?” she hisses.

Kelly huffs an impatient sigh, blowing a few brown strands of hair out of her face. “I ran into them shopping together a few weeks ago.”

Aaron grimaces. “I nearly walked in on them having sex in the bathroom at Donna’s surprise party last weekend.”

Daphne blinks at the pair of them, hurt. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Kelly opens her mouth but no words come out.

“This is the first guy since Mark you showed an interest in,” Aaron rushes to say.

“We didn’t want to ruin it,” Kelly says.

Daphne’s eyes narrow. “And you didn’t think the fact that he’s clearly taken would ruin it?”

“I don’t know,” Kelly says, throwing her hands in the hair. “Sue us, we liked seeing you happy for however long it lasted!”

Daphne softens. 

“We thought,” Aaron says, glancing at Kelly for support, “You were getting over Castiel, anyway.”

A small, petty part of Daphne is tempted to deny it as punishment for keeping this from her. But mostly she’s relieved. “Yeah, mostly,” she mutters.

“So… we good?” Aaron tries.

Kelly loops her arm around her in a one-armed hug. “Of course we are.”

Daphne rolls her eyes. “Of course,” she echoes as Aaron pats her on the back, a wide grin spreading over his face. And, yeah, this is why she has the two best friends on Earth.

“What are you three up to?” 

The smile slides off Kelly’s face. “Jody!” she says, spinning around to meet their Principal, holding a paper cup of coffee, and trailed by what looks like half the Edlund High teachers.

Oh shit.

Aaron not-so-accidentally knocks his elbow, loudly, into the door as he turns to face Jody et al. “We didn’t see you there,” he says conversationally.

“Hm,” Jody hums as she reaches past them for the doorknob. “Meeting’s going to start in ten.”

“Can we make it fifteen?” Aaron asks desperately, shuffling to the side so he better blocks the way in.

Jody shakes her head, throwing him a bemused look. “I’m pretty sure everyone wants this started with and over as soon as possible.”

“If you need to urinate, Bass, do it now,” Rowena sniffs.

“I don’t-” Aaron starts, breaking off as Jody finally opens the door. 

She stops dead in her tracks.

“Jody!” Dean’s voice carries through the doorway, uncharacteristically high. “’S it time for the meeting already?”

Jo elbows her way to the front. “Goddammit,” she says, sounding completely unsurprised as she stands next to Jody. “Really, guys?”

The rest of the staff curiously filter in.

Behind Daphne, Benny surreptitiously slides Charlie a few bills, muttering, “I told them this was stupid.”

Charlie laughs. “But you still thought they’d last until Homecoming.”

“What can I say,” Benny says, shrugging, “I’m an optimist. And I was so close.”

Daphne meets Charlie’s eyes, asking in a low voice, “Did everyone know?”

Charlie see-saws her hand back and forth as they take their seats. “About half,” she says, glancing behind them to where Dean and Castiel are attempting to make themselves presentable. “Turns out, they’re really bad at keeping the whole ‘Destiel’ thing under wraps. It’s adorable they thought they could try.”

Daphne looks too, and there’s no mistaking what Dean and Castiel were doing. Their lips are swollen from kissing, and, weirdly, Castiel’s tie faces the right way. Daphne snorts. Probably because he didn’t tie it himself, for once.

Jody clears her throat. “Alright, settle down, guys,” she says with a sharp glare in Dean and Castiel’s direction. “As you all know, Homecoming is next weekend-”

* * *

Jody pinches the bridge of her nose. “Okay, that’s all that was on my agenda for today’s meeting-” she waits for the cheers to die down “but, Dean and Castiel, can you stay for a sec?”

Castiel visibly swallows.

Dean scowls.

Jody waits for the rest of the staff to leave.

Nobody moves a muscle.

“Jesus Christ,” Jody swears under her breath. She’s managing children. Horrible, gossipy children. “Okay, I guess everyone could use a refresher.” She clears her throat. “PDA is strictly discouraged among faculty. It’s in the goddamn handbook, people.”

“Really, Jody?” Dean complains.

“I’m not saying you can’t be in a relationship,” Jody says with a sharp look. “Just don’t… advertise it.”

“You got something against two dudes making out?” Dean demands, half-getting up from his seat.

“Of course not, you ass,” Jody says in a long-suffering voice, “I do have something against teenagers making out in every hallway and empty classroom, which they will if they see their two favorite teachers doing it.” She shakes her head. “If you want to hold hands or take an ad out in the school paper, be my guest.”

“Ah, yes, of course,” Castiel says hesitantly, wasting no time in reaching for Dean’s hand.

“Plus,” Jody says loftily, “I’ve been dating Donna for six months, and you don’t see me dragging her into supply closets, do you?” And into the stunned silence, Jody stands up to leave.

There are various cries of, “Donna?”

Donna throws her hands in the air as Kelly, Daphne, and Aaron converge on her like piranhas tasting blood in the water. “Jeez Louise,” Donna grumbles, “a little warning wouldn’t kill ya, would it Jody-o?”

“Probaby,” Jody says, giving them all a jaunty salute. “Enjoy your weekends, everyone!”

[azurowle]

@itsjustwokehomophobia Transcribing this post based off of our conversation this morning where you requested an image ID. This is my first time doing this, so my apologies if it’s not the greatest.

(@itsthevioletqueen if you would like me to add this transcription to your post let me know, and I apologize for accidentally posting it earlier - I’m not used to using Tumblr on my desktop. If you don;t want me to that’s fine.)

I decided to censor any slurs I found. I was initially not going to, because (a) this was the words of the 4channers, not me, and (b) I think ultimately censoring them would ruin the impact of what this is saying for itsjustwokehomophobia, but honestly, I really think that if the parts where they’re strategizing how to spread this don’t utterly disgust you, then the slurs sure as fuck aren’t.

Nevertheless, HUGE HONKIN’ TRIGGER WARNING FOR TRANSPHOBIA, HOMOPHOBIA, ANTI-SEMITISM, RACISM, AND FASCIST LANGUAGE UNDER THE CUT. IT’S 4CHAN, FOLKS, YOU KNOW HOW THIS GOES.

[Image ID: A series of five screenshots. The first is a screenshot of Twitter user @bluemoth5, sharing a series of screenshots from 4chan.

bluemoth5: Anybody that thinks #superstraight is a real thing, fuck off.

itsthevioletqueen: 4chan is at it fucking again

itsthevioletqueen: tw: transphobia and slurs v

The v points down to a “Read More” link.

Below the Read More are four screenshots taken from 4chan, from a thread titled “/SS/ super straight general.” The four screenshots depict a conversation started by an anonymous user with the ID “bjG0EDki.” The thread is as follows, using the anon IDs to differentiate who’s speaking:

bjG0EDki: >Making this thread before the other one hits the bump limit GOALS >drive a wedge between tr*nnies and other f*g groups >Redpill zoomers >Use the left’s tactics against themselves, call them bigots for not accepting super straights >Shitpost on social media >Hit mainstream status

WHAT THE FUCK IA HAPPENING

>zoomer on tiktok makes a new sexuality called “super straight” meaning one is only attracted to the biological sex, meaning no trannies >Countering the tranny logic that tr**ns are “real women

WHAT DO I DO

>spam this shit all over, make memes, retweet SS agents on twitter, post on every site imaginable

(The post contains a picture of an SS flag, with half of it black and half of it orange. The orange “S” is on the black background, and the black “S” is on the orange background.)

bjG0Eki: Kiwifarms already found out about this, contribute there too (URL not included to discourage others from going there)

Gdf7IUBH: bump

User whose ID is unknown: >hate tr*nnies for stealing their thunder. I think >Hitching the T wagon to the LGB train, and demanding it runs through equality station and all the way to nonceville. cover it better, but I get the gist

5nvQLkOk: Just spitballing my earlier concept

(The picture includes a half-black, half-orange flag with a stylized “S” that is half-orange, half-black.)

0bAuFtXq: DON’T FUCKING USE THE SS SYMBOLS JESUS CHRIST YOU STUPID N*****S THIS WILL STOP THE MOVEMENT SO FUCKING HARD STOP IT YOU ABSOLUTE R*TARDS USE SAFER AND F*GGOT-IER SYMBOLISM TO GET MORE AND DON’T FUCKING BE R**ARDED ACT HOW THEY ACT

User whose ID is unknown: >THIS WILL STOP THE MOVEMENT SO FUCKING HARD That’s why (((they))) are using it in the first place, goy

nJSj8C7f: (next to a simple half-black, half-orange flag) Just stick with this. We don’t need any stupid designs. It’s fine the way it is. This goes for everyone too. Quit it with the different variations and the cringe Nazi shit. If you want this to work, just leave it how it is.

QNaMStPl: don’t make it so easy, p*ta

a1VnYjBN: You fucking r**arded cockboy. You are doing this on purpose to undermine the super straight movement. Giving the tr*nnies ammunition they can use to make it seem like it is a nazi thing. They probably already have screen shots of this up on Twitter.

User whose ID is unknown: This is pretty gay equivalent of having a flag for believing in gravity, makes you look insecure.

WLTO0k0H: I know everyone’s desperate to do muh OC but shopping in the fashy symbols is r**arded you will stop this stone fucking dead r**ards saying media will call it a hate symbol anyway, yes, but AFTER it’s spread you radicalise people by not showing them radical material, but having them agree with reasonable material that is then revealed to be radical

S6ehmVhU: How do tr*nnies feel about bisexuals?

+5uv8B/s: Because you r**ards have already posted it on Twitter, poisoning the well. Any good points that may have been made by using tr*nny rhetoric against them is rendered moot because it’s all just “evil nazis behond (sp) the movement. Are you actually r**arded?

3hYo/HG3: didn’t realize that someone else already made a new thread

end ID]

[alittlesnax]

Not to burst your bubble, but congratulations on making fandom spaces shittier for real jewish people because you want to look cool and woke. The illuminati is a masonic cult, I thought we’d all been over this shit back in 2014. You seeing jewish people in every conspiracy theory is a you problem, leave us actual jewish people out of your self-righteous shit and stop seeing us as boogeymen to insert places or weak idiots who need protecting, you stupid fucking goy. Every time someone calls out something that isn’t a problem and they get debunked, the anger falls on jews and I really don’t want to see that shit. There was no connection to jewish ppl to be drawn but here we are. And replace it with zombies? Which is an anti black concept bastardizing Haitian culture borne out of fear of slaves revolting? Thanks for the anxiety, you absolute dumbass.

Heya anon! I’m sorry for taking so long to reply. I was a bit busy when you sent me this and then it took me some time to respond. I will be putting this under a readmore for the sake of scrolling, but first and foremost I want to thank you for responding! I hope you see this

Also quick note: I don’t want to see anyone attack this anon OR defend me. They have every right to be angry with me, and I hope to make amends with you with what I wrote below.

Firstly, I would like to apologize to you directly. My initial post was more of a quick PSA, and therefore there were errors such as incorrect tone and language that can come across in an odd way. It’s my fault for not reading that over and spending more time on it. I had zero intent on harming anyone, or even doing this for things such as “woke points”, which is why I actually did some research beforehand (I will add sources in the reblog, so the post doesn’t get buried by the algorithm.) Of course this means that the information I posted was not entirely accurate, and that I regret. Thank you anon for sending this ask though, and I am sorry for hurting you. When I was doing my initial research, I had not seen the Illuminati as a masonic cult. That’s very important information that I should have known!

My post had no intent of harming anyone, but even so, you were hurt, so I feel I have partially failed in that regard. Being goyim myself, I had witnessed in communities that minorities were frustrated at being the ones to call out the red flags and such they found in the media and the real world, which I completely understand! It’s up to the allies to defend the minorities as the responsibility is up to privileged people to make these points instead of shoving the responsibility onto minorities. I felt that if it made me uncomfortable, jewish people may have been making points without their posts gaining traction.I absolutely do NOT want the Jewish community to be targeted because of my post My intent had been to uplift Jewish voices via the post, as I wish to make fandom spaces safe. 

But again, regardless of my intentions, I once again am sorry for how my post came across. Reading back on it, I can see how it can be read as an attack on jewish people instead of the PSA I wanted it to be.

As for the zombie comment, I actually had no idea! Zombies seem to be very removed from their origins, thanks to modern media such as Hollywood, so I would have never guessed such an origin. I had simply brought it up myself because I saw Young Horses bringing up their initial concept for the game planned on using it, but then was toned down. But thank you for bringing it up! The origin of zombies as anitblack, specifically bastardizing Haitian culture, is very important to address so thank you.

However on this note, I feel like I should clarify my initial post some more.

What I knew of the illuminati is that, that and other conspiracy theory type organizations, are often used to be antisemitic. This is because of the mythos surrounding it and the jointed “cultists of the world” conspiracies; which is heavily rooted in post WW1 antisemitic caracatures that paint jewish people as the cause of the world’s problems.

The fandom content I had seen carried out by creators was especially worrying, I had to say something. Some of the things I’ve seen highlighted by headcanons or ocs themselves are; controlling the media/having a hand in everything like GNN, sacrifices and murderers, kidnapping, child kidnapping, illegal experimentation, turning grumpus into bugsnax against their will and more. This is already serious material to handle, but it becomes even more tainted when associated with what has been characters as a cult called the Grumpinati. (Which furthermore, is the Bugsnax equivalent of the Illuminati.)

The post overall was more of a quick PSA urging people to be careful of what ocs and content they make involving the Grumpinati, and to look out for antisemitism and dogwhistles to make the community safer overall, especially for jewish fans.

To paraphrase myself; we as a community need to be cautious when exploring the grumpinati as a group and make sure ocs and character do not portray antisemitic stereotypes.

I still would like people to enjoy Bugsnax and everything I just really felt that this was a topic that needed addressing.

Again though, I deeply apologize for how the post came across. If you need any clarification at all, let me know!

[lowresolutioncryptid]

[I know don't patronize me. I don't care bro I'm tired of goys using "nvzi imagery" for edge points when they don't have any other argument. It's ugly and nasty behavior.]

He literally didn't do it for edge points. He said he has seen bad takes about vaginas and said another bad take as an example. You're twisting the narrative on purpose

I'm not twisting shit, the goy did not have any other argument than to compare me to someone else talking about something completely different than what I was, so 1) it's irrelevant and off topic, 2) it's disrespectful to me and other Jewish people to use the tragedies of nvzism and the Holocaust as a cheep attention-grab buzzword because they don't have anything of real substance to add to the argument. they KNOW that nvzism is a sensitive topic and they KNOW that when they speak on it it's emotionally charged and they KNOW they can use that charge to seek attention for themselves, aka edge points. It's disgusting and disrespectful.

[jewishbarbies]

i was watching a tiktok where a woman was showing video she took while swat broke into her home to remove a squatter who'd also broken in and look what i found in the comments

honestly fuck all of you ignorant, uneducated pricks out there that spout shit like jews have no claim to the land of israel and israelis are all just "white colonizers". there's a special place in hell waiting for you if you pull this shit, because it's rhetoric like that that gets people killed.

[goy feel free to reblog but do not add]