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dolugecat · 4 years ago

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On some Japanese social issues I had learned about at uni and abroad):

(Rb ok!)

Legit had an epiphany about the true hidden meaning of the last arc of Mob Psycho 100. It’s hella projection but for real there is nothing neurotypical about Mob or Mob Psycho. I do not wish to enforce my interpretation on others (ironic bc I do that all the time but this is a serious social theory). There are some interesting and very sad social issues in Japan that the west really doesn’t understand but would I think help people understand a lot of context behind not only Mob Psycho, but also a lot of other anime. I learned this at my shitty university (prestigious but horrific) and while studying abroad in Japan and talking with Japanese peers. Get ready here we go (and tw for bullying and darker things):

Unfortunately in East Asian education systems, bullying can be extremely intense. Growing up I assumed it was over exaggerated extremely in anime for drama but it really can be so horrific. From what I’ve heard, there is often a single kid or so who is just shit on by everyone else, even the teacher. Mogami land *is* the reality of some Japanese kids. I’ve read that in Korea, this social punching bag sometimes is just the darkest skinned person (yayyy colorism /angry) and or someone who does not fit in. I mean, we have that in America too, but maybe not as common for the bullying to be as focused on one misfit rather than several. These kids just can’t escape the stigma too, kids from other schools find out they were a major victim at their old school and it starts anew. Thus there is so much stigma and incentive to join in on bullying so you aren’t the one. Sadly, this also ofc leads to higher suicide rates. That’s where the “shoe on building roof” anime trope comes in, bc somehow taking off shoes is relayed to death (I forgot why sorry)

There is a difference in how intense in general high school vs college is too. In the West, commonly college is the more intense curriculum and is harder than high school, but in Japan it’s usually the opposite. Grind suuuupppeeerrrr hard for entrance exams (huge standardized tests that determines what college you can qualify to) bc unlike the ACT or SAT here, that test is by far the most important factor for college admission. Then chill and relax a bit in college. Can’t relate. Name and prestige is very critical for job application, more important than here. That’s why planning out your future is sooo much more intense for Japanese high schoolers than in America, and why there is sooo much more pressure to excel in high school than here. Japanese school years and holidays are done different than ours, I’d suggest looking it up.

Social prestige of going to an American high school or college is nuts. Like whyyy do you value our shitty education, Japan’s is much higher quality (it’s bc we neo colonized them). Being able to speak English is very, very highly valued and any association with Americans make you cooler. From my experience, some Japanese students got very excited to practice speaking English with us, and their biggest issues with learning it is pronunciation, lmao. Wasai english is unique slang that is indeed English words but it’s kinda different and it’s kinda jarring to remember lol. So, Teru having parents that are working overseas isn’t too uncommon, idk about leaving him absolutely alone, but I did have a ex-friend who just came from Japan in middle school who’s situation probably wasn’t too far off from that. Empty wealth with no love, it’s no wonder those kind of people can end up being huge bullies (minori?)

I did a presentation on 引きこもり(hikikomori) for which means “shut in”, (like Serizawa) and it’s fucked up. It’s a social phenomena where according to some Japanese researchers a mix of undisciplined parenting, guilt/not living up to expectations, and hopelessness makes an alarming amount of youth/ young adults literally never go out side their house/room. Often a parent is “enabling” the behavior by supporting them, but idk the articles seemed a bit victim-blaming to me when I read it, but I don’t think I should make a judgement too hard, not my place. I will say I do suspect and believe I read something to support that ASD might play a role in hikikomoris (there is pitiful resources for autistic people in Asia, much much less support than even here, to the point I don’t think most know it exists). Like come on, with the other points I laid out my personal opinion as an Asian American with autism is that it really seems it’s unknowing ableism against autistic classmates, but I didn’t grow up in Asia so I don’t want to say.

Mental health in general is tragically quite abysmal in Japan, and with it being so hyper competitive and brutal work culture, it’s no surprise birth rate in Japan is so low; some Japanese young adults say it seems unethical to bring a life to such hostile world. Suicide rate is of the highest in the world. It’s fucked, I’ve interacted with some of the locals in Tokyo and they were so nice, but the business men just looked dead inside, it’s so sad.

Relationships between child and parent is also strained bc of this intense work and school culture. Quality time is too scarce when you gotta work so much. And the pressure from parents to do well in education or else you might end up socially stigmatized is rough. Bc your job is who you are, it’s hyper capitalism (thanks us for making them do this)

With autism being so unknown, support for parents in raising autistic kids is almost nonexistent. What happens if the “darker” side of ASD shows up in kids? I used to be a menace when I had meltdowns, I felt so bad but really just became so indiscriminately violent. See where this is going? Legit, I think ESP is a sort of metaphor for neurodivergance to ONE. There is so much stigma around it, and even less way for kids to understand why they are different than the others. My Korean family can’t admit we all got ASD, too much fear and internalized shame.

I got finally diagnosed with ASD as an adult and I’ll tell ya, I relate too much to Mob hurting Ritsu. I felt so bad, but also not in control, I knew what I was doing but not how to stop. Luckily, is was blessed in that my hyperfixations involved science and logic, so I did well at school. Sadly, our boy Mob just don’t got the passion or ability to do well at school. His kanji is very bad, even to point of not being confident he wrote a kanji (世) they learn when they are 9, in elementary school (thanks @katyatalks). Him being a bit berated by his parents for having bad grades and bending spoons seems harsh to Westerners I think, but IMO it’s pretty tame from what I’ve seen of some Asian parents (I get to say that lmao). Ofc, however the shaming is very real and Mob just agreeing with them about how weird and stupid he thinks he is so sad. There is even more pressure for the eldest to be better than here, I feel from some interactions. Nonetheless, it’s implied Mob is quite emotionally detached from his parents, even though he loves them, which also adds to his emotional complex. Combined with originally fragile self esteem and feelings of worthlessness, we got one emotionally stunted boy. However, contrary to common belief people with ASD are sometimes hyper empathic and experience emotions very intensely. We are prone to having “meltdowns” which if not assisted with can be quite violent if very intense. For me, my worse meltdowns as a kid came from when I didn’t understand why I wasn’t getting what I wanted, it seemed selfish and cruel of me but I couldn’t control it. I wanted to be a good kid, so why did hit my moms leg at target when she refused to buy me Pokémon toys? I couldn’t come up with a good reason for why my mind just commanded my body to do bad things, just a single thought was controlling me, I want I want I want I want I want ____. Which I argue could be what ???% represents… bc well…. Yeah….. hmm….. not in control of self (mob unconscious), selfish (not actually, I’ve forgave myself but my “normal” kid self was so ashamed), destructive, hurt family, wanting to stop but can’t, that’s kind of…. Too relatable.

But legit, since realizing my new HC, I’ve started to think of the last chapter of mp100 when I “explode” and it helps me feel better and I do gain “control” a bit easier. I don’t feel so bad anymore either, Mob!

#mp100 #mob psycho 100 #my post #mp100 headcanons #welcome to my hc #asd #autism #actually autistic #kageyama shigeo #mob #mp100 meta #Japanese society #japanese culture #meta #mp100 analysis

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matcha-blossombrainrot · 4 years ago

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Sadly for the last day of @matchablossomweek I didn’t have anything new written so I decided to use what I had started for day 6: tattoos/piercings. Enjoy!

“No no, this is a horrible idea.” Kojiro stepped back, hands raised. He was perfectly fine with the thought of a piercing when Kaoru first brought it up, but he was becoming less and less okay with it. Seeing the needle in his pale hands was enough to shake his determination.

“Are you sure? I mean, I’ve done it quite a few times.” Kaoru motioned to the four piercings stuck through his ear.

“Yes. Yes, I’m okay with not committing to this like you did.”

Kaoru sighed and slipped the needle back into the repurposed contact case that now held various items required for giving oneself any kind of piercing.

“How are you able to bring yourself to stab through your skin like that?” Kojiro shivers at the memory of when he tried to talk Kaoru out of the first ear piercing. There was a lot of crying and swearing. Kaoru kept saying that Kojiro passed out, but the latter refuses to admit to anything.

“After enough practice, it’s really nothing.” Something in that statement set Kojiro’s nerves on end.

“And that means?”

“I’ve had practice. Simple as that.” Kaoru tucked the lens case into his pocket and leaned his elbows against the rail. The sun was starting to set over the ocean. The gentle waves glittered a dark turquoise and reflected light shone off the bottom of the overpass.

“Hey, this may seem random but,” Kojiro wrung his hands together nervously for a second before dropping them to his side and taking a deep breath. “Have you ever thought about your future? Like, getting married and starting a family or something?”

Kaoru noticeably tensed at the mention. Sure it’s something he may have thought about at one time, before his parents decided that he needed to focus more on continuing the family business and they’ll take care of everything else. Including his love life. He sighed and finally looked at his friend again. The warm glow of the setting sun outlined his face beautifully, framing it in an ethereal glow. Those eyes, a soft red that held nothing back and always displayed the raw emotions Kojiro had difficulty expressing physically. The messy mop of green hair that, try as he might, Kaoru could never get fully untangled.

“Yeah.” Kaoru’s voice broke slightly. “Yeah, I’ve thought about it.” He pulled his hair back behind his ear so he could see Kojiro fully. Not once in the history he’s had with Kojiro has Kaoru seen him change expressions so quickly. He finally settled with an almost pitying look. “But it’s fine. After all, the only thing I need to focus on is my calligraphy.”

“But you’re not happy.” Kojiro spoke softly. Sadly.

Kaoru thought for a moment. He wanted nothing more than to run off with Kojiro, like all the American romance movies he’d seen. Run from his family, his responsibilities. Every day would be a new adventure and he’d get to spend it with Kojiro. The next day, the next week, next year. With Kojiro. His friend since grade school, his crush since high school. For a moment he allowed himself to bask in that fantasy.

“We could run away.” His own voice startled him, pulling him from his thoughts. But now that the idea was out there, he couldn’t just stop here. “Just us, drifting from place to place. We wouldn’t have to worry about anything but where we’re going next.” Kaoru knew by the way he was moving his hands and speaking quickly that his eyes sparkled.

“Kaoru.” Kojiro picked a spot on the ocean just over Kaoru’s shoulder. He didn’t want to acknowledge what he was about to say. “You’re engaged, aren’t you.”

Everything crashed down on him at once. The thin grasp of hope he had slipped out of his reach. Kaoru stuttered for words. Yet another thing that never seemed to happen around Kojiro. He’d always felt confident in what he had to say with his friend there to back him up. “I never had a choice. I don’t even like her, let alone love her. I haven’t had the courage to tell them that I’m in love with someone else.” The words started pouring from his lips. “Someone I’ve known for a long time that, if I could, I’d give the whole world to. Whenever I’m with him I feel like anything is possible. No no, that’s not it. I know that anything is possible. His confidence is intoxicating and I can’t get enough of it. It feels impossible that there’s ever a dark thought in his mind, and yet I know because he’s told me. There’s no way in hell I could stop loving him and-” Kaoru shook his head, but the smile on his face never faded. Not when he thought about Kojiro.

“I’ll tell them.”

“Wait what? Tell who? What’re you planning?”

“Your parents. If you’re too afraid to, I’ll tell them.” Kojiro had a blazing determination in his eyes.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?”

“I’m positive. Come on, I’m not letting you live another day like this.”

Kaoru carefully traced the edges of Kojiro’s tattoo as if he was inking it all over again. It was funny how little memories like that can slip through the cracks and yet show up so unexpectedly at the slightest prod.

“You were so scared of a needle piercing your ear and yet you trusted me enough to give you a tattoo?” Kaoru teased, his eyes shifting from the inky black sun to Kojiro’s eyes.

“After the absolute shitstorm I caused you? I had to at least let you do something.”

“You always were a people pleaser.”

Kojiro left a soft, feathery kiss on Kaoru’s forehead. “Only for you, Kaoru.”

#matcha blossom #Kaoru Sakurayashiki #Kojiro Nanjo #Sk8 the infinity #I want to say I’ll finally get to rest #but Ik I’m going to keep writing #someone has to give the fandom all the mb loafs they’ve been missing out on

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flwrpersona · 4 years ago

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I am once again thinking about Shu’s social link in P4, and about how so many let’s players seem bored/annoyed/indifferent about Shu. Some never continue his link, prioritizing others. He comes off moody in your first interaction with him (you can even call him a prick, right to his face!) His initial behavior seems to turn a lot of ppl off from trying his link any further. Which is a damn shame. Shu’s social link is underrated as hell, since he’s low key a very important social link.

You learn through it that Shu is facing immense pressure from his mother to have the best grades. He himself puts value on the grades he gets. Shu knows that studies are his strong suit, so that’s why he accepts that schooling will be his path for the future. He’s so young, yet college is brought up at one point. He’s at the top of his class, but still hires you to tutor him. And even if you’re there to help him study, he starts hinting that he enjoys your company, despite how anti-social and pessimistic he seems initially.

Achievement in school is tied into how successful his future will be, how successful of a person he currently is, and even his own mother’s love for him. But when he starts to feel like he’s falling behind in school he cheats. To such a young kid, everything is on the line if he’s not the best of the best. And that’s damn heartbreaking. Most of his inadequate feelings probably started with that new transfer student he tells you about. The kid’s previous school was ahead, so he’s smarter than everyone (which was Shu’s thing in school.) And the new kid is apparently also good at sports and talking with everyone.... (He seems to have it all.) Shu is dejected and heartbroken by the entire situation.

Because of Yu Shu has support through it all. Instead of feeling scared and alone, he has a shoulder to lean on. He can vent his feelings and get advice of what he should do. If you didn’t have an impromptu birthday party for him he’d never open up to you about his feelings. You’d never have the chance to help him. And I’d bet that if you don’t do his social link he’d not have the confidence to talk to his mother about the cheating situation. And after the whole experience he realizes that his studies aren’t the most important thing. He and him mother come to an understanding, and she affirms that she’ll always love him. He says that he‘ll join a sports club, has always wanted to try it (but put all his effort on his studies before.) Lastly he stops hiring you to tutor him. Which is a happy ending to the social link.

But what if you ignore Shu? Unknowingly leaving Shu to deal with the heavy pressures of school life alone. (There’s a chance his mother would have noticed and maybe they’d still have a conversation, but would it be too late? Would Shu isolate himself from everyone completely? Convince himself that his grades will determine is future, that he has to be the best of the best to be successful, to be loved, to do the things society expects of him?) Would Shu learn to hate the world around him? To hate that transfer student, who seems to naturally be smarter and better that Shu in so many ways. He was on a path of becoming cynical at life. I know that it’s kind of an extreme, depressing what if situation but....

Ya’ll this is just a precursor of Adachi. Adachi says that his parents only ever wanted him to study. He was the “best of the best”, smarter than most others around him. He wasn’t allowed to be with friends or have hobbies, he studied. He couldn’t pursue frivolous hobbies/interests (*cough* magic), he studied. So much of the stuff Shu talks about, even his standoffish behavior towards you, is reflected in what we know about Adachi’s past. It’s crazy to me to think about how many ppl seem disinterested in his social link and just decide to ignore it. Feeling alone while growing up is a driving factor of how Adachi turned out the way he did. So everyone that ignored Shu just created another Adachi in the world, congrats.

I did not expect this post to get very long, so while I could probably go off about this topic more specifically, I’ll wrap it up. Shu is an important social link bc it helps you understand Adachi a good bit. And I do wanna leave this post off with how oddly similar Adachi’s Beta Design looks to Shu’s design. Intentional? I think they both have socially awkward boy genius vibes to them, at least.

#persona 4 #p4 #Tohru Adachi #Shu nakajima #social link #meta #analysis #mine #it’s me Of Course I tie it back to Adachi #Shu’s situation with the transfer student is so similar to Adachi and Yu...like Yu is perfect who took Adachi’s place w/ the Dojima’s #plus Yu is super good with school and sports and a social life that Adachi was never allowed growing up

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mostlysignssomeportents · 4 years ago

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Podcasting "Self Publishing"

This week on my podcast, I read my latest Medium column, “Self-Publishing,” an essay about the structural shifts in the publishing industry over the past half-century and how and why that has driven people to try self-publishing.

https://doctorow.medium.com/self-publishing-41800468bcfe

The tale starts with the rise of Big Box stores, after Reagan’s deregulation got Sam Walton to take Walmart national. This concentrated the “mass market” — the huge, variegated world of pharmacy and grocery and cornerstore spinner racks that were the cradle of genre fiction.

The big boxes demanded a single national distribution system, and hundreds of local distributors — whose unionized Teamsters stocked the spinner racks based on long territorial experience — collapsed to a handful of database-driven decision-makers.

The number of titles for sale fell off a cliff. Writers who had a single underperforming book were no longer welcome in the big boxes and thus no longer economically viable (remember all those established writers who switched to pen-names? They were trying to beat this).

Monopoly begets monopoly. The predatory discounting of the big box stores put the squeeze on chain bookstores and indies. The chains merged and merged into a duopoly, while the indies underwent a mass die-off.

Publishers were caught in this squeeze: the two national bookstore chains and the big box stores demanded extra co-op payments, preferential discounts, and more generous credit and return policies. The publishers merged and merged, down to six (now four).

This also happened with trade distributors (who sold to bookstores, not the mass market) — the industry collapsed into a duopoly (today, it’s a monopoly, run by Ingram).

This is a familiar pattern across all monopolized industries.

As David Dayen described in MONOPOLIZED, this neatly parallels the monopolization of health care: pharma monopolized and gouged hospitals, who monopolized in self-defense and gouged insurers, who monopolized in self-defense.

https://pluralistic.net/2021/01/29/fractal-bullshit/#dayenu

Both monopolistic trends had the same end-point: after all the companies had finished monopolizing, the disorganized group of suppliers and workers were the only ones that the monopolies could strong-arm. In the case of hospitals, that’s health-workers and patients.

In publishing, it’s workers and writers. If you work in publishing and your resume is rejected by four companies, it has been rejected by every major publisher. If you’re a writer whose book is rejected by four publishers, then you’ve been rejected by every major house.

That’s why writers are now expected to give up graphic novel, audio, world English, and other valuable rights for the same advances — with fewer companies bidding on books, the likelihood that one will pay more or demand less goes down.

In the 2000s and early 2010s, some writers hoped that they’d be able to sidestep publishing by allying themselves with a different monopolized industry, locking themselves to Amazon’s platform. But as competition from publishers dwindled, so too did Amazon’s largesse.

The authors who shackled themselves to Amazon now face tens of millions of dollars in wage-theft. The solution to unfair treatment at the hands of giants isn’t to ally yourself with an even bigger giant and hope for its ongoing generosity.

https://pluralistic.net/2020/11/03/somebody-will/#acx

A more promising sign is in the wave of mid-sized houses that have snapped up the workers shed by Big Publishing during mergers as well as the promising new publishing workers who are surplus to the Big Four’s needs.

These presses punch way above their weight, thanks in part to the number of great books that just don’t fit into the publishing needs of four giant houses. But as great as this is, it’s intrinsically precarious.

These mid-sized houses can’t stand up to the might of one distributor, one national bookseller, four big box stores, and one giant ecommerce monopoly. Earlier mass die-offs in indie publishing (like the American Marketing Services horror story) show how fragile this is.

Which brings us to self-publishing. There have never been more sophisticated tools for making polished, professional books on your own — Lulu.com, Smashwords, Bookbaby — and (thanks to layoffs) it’s never been easier to find publishing pros to help with that process.

But that’s not “publishing.” As Patrick Nielsen Hayden once told me (paraphrasing), “Publishing is identifying a work and an audience and doing whatever it takes bring the two together.” In other words, how do you convince people to give a shit about your book?

This is an incredibly hard problem. It’s the hard problem of advertising, religion and politics. There’s no established method for it because the attention wars are a race against adaptation — what worked yesterday won’t work today.

https://locusmag.com/2018/01/cory-doctorow-persuasion-adaptation-and-the-arms-race-for-your-attention/

If you want to self-publish, you need to observe books like yours, identify how they are discovered by their audiences, formulate a plan to do the same, execute the plan, measure your results, and change the plan and do it again, and again, and again.

Publishers don’t just have systems and experts — they also have multiple data-points, a stream of books where they get to try different things, refine their successful tactics, and try again. You have a data-set with one point in it: you.

It follows that if you’re not prepared to work as hard (and well) at marketing, sales and promotion as you did at writing, you probably shouldn’t self-publish. Doing those things won’t guarantee your success, but without them, failure is all but assured.

That said, the one area where self-publishers can sometimes outdo publishers is accessing (parts of) the mass-market. The vast majority people aren’t “readers” (in the sense of being people who regularly buy books, go to bookstores, etc).

Every mega-bestseller is just a book that succeeded with a tiny sliver of nonreaders. And you might know more about a community of nonreaders — a faith group, fandom, subculture or political movement — than anyone in publishing.

If that’s the case, and if you are both diligent and lucky, you might be able to successfully market you book to that group and even leverage that success into a publishing deal that brings your book to “readers” — whom a publisher knows more about than you ever will.

I published by first book in 2000. Since then, I’ve published a couple dozen more, everything from novels for adults to YA novels to a middle-grades graphic novel to a picture book to essay and short story collections to book-length nonfiction.

I’ve published many books, including multiple bestsellers, with one of the Big Four publishers, and I’ve also published with several mid-sized boutique presses (some of which have merged with bigger publishers since).

I’ve successfully self-published, including a $267,000, record-smashing Kickstarter campaign. I’m a recovering bookseller and I’m unhealthily drawn to great bookstores, which are doing surprisingly well (thanks partly to Libro.fm and Bookshop.org).

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/doctorow/attack-surface-audiobook-for-the-third-little-brother-book

Despite all this, I’m keenly aware that runaway consolidation makes my position as a worker in this system intrinsically precarious. The wonderful people in big publishing love books and treat me very well, but they can’t fix the system.

I’ve met sincere, talented people at Amazon doing their best to support publishing, but they can’t fix the system either. Neither can James Daunt, a true hero of bookselling who has come to America to transform Barnes and Noble.

Monopoly begets monopoly. If any part of the supply chain is allowed to monopolize, the rest will follow in self-defense, and it will always be the workers — the writers and staff — who struggle to push back.

That’s why the current resurgence of both trade-unionism and antitrust are so important. In a world whose outcomes are more determined by power relationship than by good intentions, the only way to secure workers’ futures is to make them stronger and make business weaker.

The essay is here:

https://doctorow.medium.com/self-publishing-41800468bcfe

The podcast episode is here:

https://craphound.com/news/2021/07/05/self-publishing/

The MP3 is here (hosting courtesy of the Internet Archive, they’ll host your stuff for free, forever):

https://archive.org/download/Cory_Doctorow_Podcast_396/Cory_Doctorow_Podcast_396_-_Self_Publishing.mp3

And here’s my podcast feed:

http://feeds.feedburner.com/doctorow_podcast

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wornoutmouse · 4 years ago

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Can I request a bakugou x reader quirkless high school au song fic based on the song, " Bad Boy" by Queen Naija (Reader isn't really a 'good girl', but she stays out of problems, keeps to herself, and doesnt like drama. She just has a chill vibe likes listening to R&B shit like that.) please and thank you!💖

Ima tell you this right now. I don’t know how to write a song fic so this is going to be trial and error. Also this song ruined my life, my subconscious learned the lyrics immediately and I only listened to it 4 times. This is not my type of music. I don’t need it in ma brain fam!!

I never really had a bad boy

You know I've always been a good girl

You lived your life as a master in the art of minding your business. Although you were in the one class in the whole school that couldn’t get a break from excitement, you were able to flawlessly blend into the seams. Of course it wasn't on purpose. You just liked to be in your own bubble. You got good grades and didn’t take part in extra curriculars. An excellent background character.

It wasn’t until you were partnered with the class loud-mouth Katsuki Bakugou, that your life started to take a turn for the better.

Crazy how it happened so fast boy

The way you rocking my world

Anyone could easily tell you two were opposing forces like oil and water. But as corny as it was, the connection was immediate. Your first plan was to only speak when needed and drown out the white noise with music. Working silently was obviously a struggle for your partner because the next thing you knew, one side of your hearing was exposed to the buzzing excitement of your class.

“What crap are you listening to extra?” You looked at him blandly, one would be a fool to take offense from anything Bakugou says. You watched his face scrunch together in concentration and you could tell that he liked what he was hearing. For the rest of the class hour, you shared headphones and song interests, and for the first time, Bakugou wasn’t yelling.

Yeah, you're my distraction

Love our connection

He often joined the family for dinner and could even hold fluid conversations with your mother without missing a beat or falling behind.

It didn’t take long for him to even invite you to his own home as well. While your must tastes were similar, home life and house decor were largely different. You found yourself spending hours with his father, gushing over baby pictures of Bakugou, and dinner was quite the spectacle as you watched him and his mother play ping-pong with insults while you enjoyed new Japanese cuisine.

I see so much when I look at you

You got potential

It became a bit of a routine. He would come over your house, your room would be filled with the warm gooey vibes of soul and r&b and you would day dream your worries away. At some point, Bakugou had become a key item to your way of living.

When you two were alone, he surprised you by toning down his brash attitude and seemed genuinely interested in your aspirations. “So when you graduate, you’ll still have to take another 8 years of college plus 1 more of residency?!” You nod as you eat a spoonful of Cinnamon Crunch. “Why are you acting so surprised, you want to be the president.” Bakugou shrugged with a small smirk on his face, “Yeah but that’s plan B.”

Time is essential

But I'ma take my time with you

Cause you need it

It was Thursday and at 5am when Bakugou called you. He was drunk and angry, cursing with every sentence. You quickly went to pick him up in your mom’s car as fast as you could. An upset Bakugou was a menace to society and if he felt that he needed to call you this late, it must be serious.

You just need someone to keep it real with you

And I see that

“Fucking bitch!” He slurred, leaning against your car door. “That’s not nice Bakugou, at the end of the day that’s still your mother.” You focused on the road trying to avoid flinching whenever he randomly got loud. “You don’t understand. She won’t fuking listen, ion what to be a damn lawyer.”

You glance wearily over at him downing the rest of his bottle. “I’m assuming she denied the architect's idea.” “What do you fucking think! Old lady want’s me to “continue the family business” like hell!”

I'ma be the one to plant that seed in you

You don't gotta worry

You sighed and made a sharp turn into a Target parking lot. “What the hell we doin ‘ere?” You park and turn the car off, you knew your mom would kill you if you stayed out too long, but this couldn't wait.

“Katsuki, I’m going to tell you this right here and now. Sometimes adults think they are doing the best for you but they aren’t and you gotta show em that by doing what you think is the best for you and doing it well.”

I won't judge you from your past

I know you're not my first

Bakugou looked at you with slow blinking eyes before scooting closer in his seat. You allowed him to take hold of your face, and didn't look away as his finger rubbed gently along the curve of your lips.

“If you don’t want this….please...tell me to stop.” His face was red, the air was thick and something that was always there, ignited as your lips met.

With drunken strength, he pulls you onto his lap and feels gently along your body as you tug on his lips with your teeth. The car was filled with hormones and heavy breaths as you got more desperate, but not once did he try to undress you. It was him that pulled away first, “What’s wrong?” you asked, out of breath and concerned, but he only shook his head with a wide grin on his face.

“Marry me.

But I'll make sure that you're my last

We live two different lifestyles babyBut we can change that

“Huh?” you laugh breathlessly, not believing your ears. “Marry me.” You feel your heart speed up so much so you could almost hear it. “But we’re so young, Bakugou, are you sure?” Bakugou cards his fingers through his hair with a determined look on his face. “Of course not now! But in the future.” You cross your arms and look down at him, “You're not messing with me are you Katsuki?” He scoffed, “Do I look like I’m joking you damn nerd?”

Just promise not to hurt me

Cause you know I told you that

You hold out a pinky, “Promise me then.” Bakugou jokingly pretends to bite your finger, “Are you serious right now?!” You huff indignantly, “Promise me Bakugou.” He rolled his eyes, “Ooo, pulling out my last name like that. Fine, I’ll be weird with you just this once.”

He holds out his pinky finger and loops it with yours. “I promise that as soon as we graduate, I’ll make you mine.” You share another kiss and watch the sun rise over the large Target building without a care in the world.

I never really had a bad boy

You know I've always been a good girl

Crazy how it happened so fast boy

The way you rocking my world

#black y/n #blackreader #mha #bnha x black reader #bnha #bnha headcanons #song fic #bakugou katsuki #bakugou x male reader #bnha bakugou #bakugou x poc!reader #bakugou x gn!reader #mha fluff #bnha fluff

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carriagelamp · 4 years ago

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Since it’s Pride Month, I decided this year I wanted to raid the library for a bunch of different queer books to read. Mostly graphic novels in this case, because I’ve had a hard time settling into much reading lately... thought hopefully now that it’s summer and I finally have my second shot I’ll be able to relax a bit more and dig into some heavier novels again. For now, enjoy some light, queer reads that I indulged in this June.

A Wolf Called Wander

A beautiful novel I had been hearing lots about. This story follows the young wolf Swift, who grows up knowing that he and his pack are the mountains, and the mountains are them. It’s in those mountains that he grows and learns and loves… until disaster strikes and he finds himself viciously torn apart from his family and forced out of the mountains that have always meant home to him. Forced to survive on his own. Swift then begins a gruelling journey that makes him face injury, starvation, and the everpresent danger of humans as he seeks a new place he can call home, and new people with whom he can form a pack.

This is all based on the true story of a tagged wolf known as OR-7, following the unbelievable route he took through Oregon and northern California! It was a very neat read, and I’d definitely recommend it if you enjoy stories told from an animal’s perspective because this book is a master class in it.

Bloom

I decided for June to try to read a handful of different queer books, and this was one of the first graphic novels I picked up. It is a super sweet story and the art is lovely. It’s about Ari, a boy who has just graduated high school and is now desperate to move away from his small town and his family’s struggling bakery, to join his band in the city where they hope to make it big. An agreement is finally reached: Ari’s father will let him leave, if he can find someone who can replace him in the bakery, which is how Ari meets Hector, someone who sees artistry and peace in baking. For anyone that’s read Check, Please, it gives off those types of vibes!

Boule et Bill: Bill est Maboul

Another book of Dupuis comics, because I can’t get enough of them! This one I just stumbled across and ended up reading on a whim but it was very cute. Geared younger than the others I’ve read, but still quite funny. It’s the charming hijinks of a young boy, his dog, and the family they live with. Each page or so is a different stand alone joke, a bit like Calvin and Hobbes except expanded beyond a single strip.

Chicken Run: Chicken Pies for the Soul

This was a ridiculous urge I got and had to follow. I recently rewatched Chicken Run (which is, of course, one of the best movies ever made) and felt the need to see if it had ever been novelized. Well, I found something better than a novelization! This is a chapter book with “advice” and stories written by the various characters, post-movie. It really does a good job with grasping the different characters’ voices and making something simple and funny out of it. It was very cute (and available on The Internet Archive if anyone else feels like reading something ridiculous!)

Doodleville

I picked this up on a whim and honestly, I shouldn’t have bothered. It was not very impressive. Very mediocre, awkward feeling artwork, and a story that only slightly manages to redeem it. The concept was kind of neat, and I did like how the ending came about, the rest was rather… plodding. I did not like the main character at all, her friends felt very Intentionally Quirky Aren’t We Cute :3 in a way that just tries too hard, and… yeah. Meh. It technically gets the “queer graphic novel flag” but it’s so in-passing that it feels rather excessive to give it that.

If you are interested, it’s about a world were doodles actually exist as living creatures that can be drawn into existence (the rather unsettling implications of which is never fully explored). This is all well and good, until the main character draws a monster and takes it with her to her art club... where it begins ravanging not only her doodles, but those of her friends. Together they need to work together to figure out how to stop this menace.

FRNCK v4

Phenomenal. I adore the FRNCK series, and book four wrapped up the first “cycle”, revealing several of the big secrets dogging the series so far, and changing how things are going to be able to run in the future.

If you haven’t seen me talk about it before, FRNCK is a graphic novel (a franco-belgian bande dessinée) about a young orphan, Franck, who’s chafing under the constant parade of uninterested foster parents that visit the orphanage he lives in. Determined to learn about his mysterious abandonment instead, he flees the orphanage… but finds himself tumbling through time, landing among a family of cave-people who rather reluctantly take him in and ensure this modern boy doesn’t die in the strange, dangerous new surroundings he finds himself in. You can get these ones in English as e-books, so if you want a really kickass graphic novel series to read please try these.

Haikyu!!

I’ve heard so much about Haikyu!! that I finally gave in and picked up the first book from the library. And I gotta say, it’s well worth the hype! This series really does capture the best parts of a good sports manga -- which is to say the team is filled with interesting, enjoyable character who all need to learn to pull together, boost each other’s strengths, and cover for each other’s weaknesses. Love me some found family tropes and this series oozes it in the best possible way. And then you also get some very cool action scenes as it makes high school volleyball seem like the most intense thing on earth. I can’t wait to continue it

Queer Eye

I haven’t been keeping up with Queer Eye but I was watching it ravenously when it first came out, and this seemed like a very cathartic book to read… and it really was. It had the same gentle, loving encouragement as the show. It doesn’t expect you to change your entire life, but to learn to embrace who you are, and take small steps to enhance those things. There a segment written (presumably) by each member of the Fab Five, explaining the mentality behind what they do on the show and how you can grow in those areas too. It’s very zen.

Spinning

I got this graphic novel out at the same time as Bloom, but it was the one that interested me less of the two... though that’s just because I have less interest in “real world” slice of life as a genre and this one is meant to be autobiographical. If you’re into that, you’ll probably love this because it really is stunning. Very pretty, and the format and pacing is all really well done. It’s a coming of age story for Tillie as she grows up dealing with a crosscountry move, complicated friendships, a burgeoning attraction to girls, and attending competitive figure skating classes.

This Place: 150 Years Retold

A stunning and heart-wrenching graphic novel told by a collection of different First Nation’s authors/artists, recounting oral histories about the 150 years since the colonialist formation of the country known as “Canada”. In other words, this is a post-apocalypse story, but one that really happened and that entire peoples are still fighting to survive. It’s very eye opening and beautifully told. Very strongly recommend the read, especially if you’re at all interested in history.

Torchwood: Serenity

Whoops, not technically a book. I had thought these were technically audiobooks at first, but rather they’re audio dramas that were played on the radio. Still, I decided to include one because I’ve been listening to them like a person possessed and they’re too fun not to at least mention. Let me indulge in my obsessions.

If you don’t know Torchwood, it’s a BBC series that spins-off from Doctor Who, focusing on the enigmatic and flirtatious Captain Jack Harkness, who is running the covert organization known as Torchwood, which is tasked to protect humanity from and prepare them for alien contact. It’s goofy and campy but also more adult and heavy than Doctor Who tends to get, so it is (in my opinion) a really fascinating series. Though it also has content warnings coming out the wazoo so maybe make sure it’s for you before delving in.

Serenity specifically is possibly one of the best Torchwood stories I’ve ever experienced. The Torchwood team concludes that there’s an undercover alien hiding in the idyllic gated community Serenity Plaza, and so that means it’s up to Jack and Ianto to go undercover as a happily married couple and flush out the alien without being discovered first. Even if it means being sickly sweet together, pretending to care about the local neighbourhood barbecues, and actually caring a bit too much about the Best Front Lawn competition. What is truly magical about this one, is that it manages to make it a Fake Dating AU despite the fact that Jack and Ianto are actually dating in canon. But they’re both used to dating as a pair of alien hunters with insanely dysfunctional lives, and who now need to figure out how to deal with domesticity. It is marvellous.

Wilderlore: The Accidental Apprentice

A middle grade novel that felt a bit like a cross between Harry Potter and Pokemon. It’s about orphan Barclay Thorne who wants nothing more than to be accepted in the rule-bound village of Dullshire, and live up to his apprenticeship as a mushroom farmer. He certainly wants nothing to do with the fearsome Beasts who live beyond the village, deep in the Woods or the sinister Lorekeepers that bond with them. It was, after all, a Beast that had killed his parents all those years ago. But when he finds himself at the very edge of the forest, hunting for an elusive mushroom, he is suddenly unable to avoid any of that. Not when a wild girl and her bonded dragon appear to summon a horrible Beast and end up getting Barclay bonded to it instead. Now, if Barclay ever wants to be welcomed back into his home, he has no choice but to venture into the Woods and find a way to sever the bond imprisoning him to the massive, monstrous wolf now imprinted on his body as a living tattoo.

I honestly can’t decide how I felt about this one. I feel like it’d be a really fun read for maybe a grade 5 to 7 student? I was a bit more meh about it. It was fine, but it was very hard not to draw unfavourable parallels to Harry Potter. But for a kid who’s never read Harry Potter? Or even an adult that has but is looking for something different to scratch that itch, this might be a good book to try. I’ll probably try reading the second book when it comes out.

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notnctu · 5 years ago

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to jungwoo, my best friend ♡

To All The J’s I’ve Loved Before Series by notnctu ♡ kim jungwoo x reader ♡ genre - fluff ♡ wc - 1.5k ♡ warnings - none ♡ synopsis - in which you and your best friend form a pact ♡ taglist - @colpen ; @cestmoncoeur ; @hyucksberry ; @lexiluness ; @lovelycharm05 ; @dearlyminhyung ; @classic-antifood ; @pikijaemin ; @whorefortaeyong ; @jaeismytamtation ; @skrtbeepbeep ; @justakpopstans ; @macaroni-sly ; @neodreams06 ; @sunflowerhae ; @bearboyunho ; @lxstinthxdream ; @lanadreamie

♡ a/n: and this concludes the end of the series hehe thank you all who have kept up with it and expressed all your feedback!! we couldnt have asked for such a good turn out! pls look out for some future works :))

Jungwoo,

This should not come as a surprise to me or you at all. At first, I thought you were just some dumb hall mate that was always dropping his shampoo bottle while his arms were filled with the rest of his shower necessities because he never bothered to buy a shower caddy. Two years later, and somehow, you haven’t found a new best friend to replace me yet.

Remember our pact, the one we made almost a year ago? I’m sorry, but I broke it, not because I actually found another person worth breaking it for. I broke it because I realized some feelings I had been festering. So, I guess I’m not that tough after all.

I don’t even know if I love you, or even like you in that sense. But I know that I truly do value you in my life. Without you, I wouldn’t have anyone else to cry about midterms with, drink away the sorrow of failing grades, and even just eat lunch with.

You just know me best. You know how I’m like and what I like. You tease and make fun of me all the time, but you’re always the first person that gives me a shoulder to cry on, motivate me to do my best, and cheer with me when I got my first internship.

The small sparkles that blossom in my chest whenever you look me in the eyes must be temporary. It must be from your new hair cut and sudden sense of fashion. They’re only small subtle changes anyways.

Maybe a part of me does wonder what it would be like to date you. You already bring me so much joy as my best friend, how much happier could you make me as my boyfriend?

But I think that my love for exceeds past wanting romance with you, but more so, for you. I am already thankful that you’re in my life, and I hope you continue to forever be in my life.

Instead of loving me more than you already do, I want you to find someone who will make you happy, who will love and cherish you in every way possible in the ways I can’t.

I know I love you. You’re my best friend, and I wouldn’t change that for the world.

-from your ride or die, y.n

“Jung Jaehyun?” Jungwoo exclaimed. “Are you an idiot? That’s her ex.”

“Okay! Yes! I reali- ow!” Mark whines as your best friend hit his shoulder, knowing that scowling the boy was not enough.

“Hey it’s okay, it wasn’t even that bad.” You casually sip on your morning coffee.

“You actually continued the date with him?” Jungwoo’s eyes widened, almost as big as bowling balls.

“Yea, we’re friends,” You emphasize, “Especially since someone always leaves on the weekends and someone else is too popular and has many friends to attend to.”

Before Jungwoo can roll his eyes, Mark catches a glance of his watch, alarmed by the time being shown.

“Oh shit,” Mark hurriedly packs his things. “I’m late for class, I’ll see you guys during our two hour gap right?” You and Jungwoo nod in unison as you watch the rushed boy dash off towards the tall buildings.

Your best friend clears his throat, “so are you two planning on getting back together? I really thought you and that Jisung kid were going to hit it off. The guy looks at you with hearts in his eyes and attentive ears.”

Scoffing, the morning sun is dazzling on Jungwoo’s eyes, nose, and lips. There is a brief moment of examination when you take in the change in his outfit choice, him wearing jeans instead of grey sweat shorts.

It’s almost as if Jungwoo styled his hair differently today as well, the part in his hair now sways slightly off the center. He looks good today, almost as if you were finding your platonic perspective on your best friend shifting to attraction.

Jungwoo peers over at you when you don’t answer his question and he waves a hand in your dazed face. With an immediate choke on your coffee, you snap out of it all.

“No! I told him we weren’t getting back together, as flirty as he always is. And Jisung,” an exasperated sigh draws from your lips, followed by a small pout, “the feelings I have for him are out of care, though I love spending time with him. Time just stops and we’re in our own little world, but to be together in the real world… it’s difficult for my heart to say.”

Jungwoo rolls his eyes at the poetry that endlessly spews from your mouth.

“Okay, Shakespeare. Don't worry, you’ll find someone to grant your ridiculous fairytale romance one day. And since I know you best, I’ll make sure that the person comes into your life riding on a majestic horse to sweep you off of your feet.”

The sweet smile does not match the teasing tone, but instead reminds you of sincerity. There is this unrecognizable tingly sparkle that runs across your chest when you two catch each other’s eyes.

A tiny voice in your head wonders, could it be you, Kim Jungwoo? Despite not knowing how to ride a horse, he did mention how he knows you best.

He knows everything about your interests, your taste, your habits. He’s the perfect balance of sweet and salty. Your number one supporter, your number one speed dial. Your best friend, as if he didn’t already play that role too perfectly.

The happiness Jungwoo warms you with is already delightful, so could limits be tested to see if it would be better in a relationship? It is definitely an option to be explored.

“Let’s make a pact.” It’s music to his ears, the curious boy loves hearing a new proposal. A mischievous grin is noted, along with the gleam that glosses over his eyes. “If we’re both single by the time we graduate college, we’ll date each other.”

“On one condition,” your best friend starts, the evil smile not fading, “the pact is broken if one of us develops feelings for the other person before graduation.”

Jungwoo proposes a challenge that might actually cause you to lose. The unsettling drop in your stomach makes you want to hurl, and it’s hard to swallow your pride.

“Like I would actually like you?” The quiver in your lip initiates Jungwoo to chuckle.

He sees right through your tough act, and knows exactly how to taunt you. “Sometimes I catch you staring at me like how Jisung stares at you.” Jungwoo playfully pushes your buttons, and before you can protest, his hands run through his hair coolly.

“Right, like how you look at me like how I look at Jeno.” It is semi-sarcastic and you cross your arms in defensiveness. Jungwoo shameless knows every person who has had your heart at one point, and has even teased you to the point of asking if he was your next J.

He whines cutely, as he oozes every ounce of sweetness from his crevices. The dramatic pout, the puppy dog eyes, the hands pressing his cheeks together. “You caught me red handed! The condition is more for me than for you anyways.”

The reaction he wanted is what he got when you stand speechless at your best friend’s comment. “Oh, shut up. Is it a deal?”

“Of course, my cutie pie (y/n)! You know what, I’ll stay single just so we can fulfill our pact.” Again, there is no seriousness in his happy, cheerful fun. Jungwoo is a bask in the sun, live in the moment type of person. And he sure as hell, does not think about the repercussions of his words.

“Then maybe, you can finally write about me in your little secret love letters.” Absolutely mortified, you cup his mouth quickly to avoid any other reference to your letters. You instantly regret letting him in on that secret, because honestly, you had just been giving him more ammo to use against you.

“I told you to never bring it up!” As if you aren’t embarrassed enough, you can feel the vibrations of his laughter between your fingers.

You are practically determined at this point, there is no way you are going to break the condition.

You are tougher than that, you manage to get through a high school break up with your first love. You’ve rejoined a past crush, who still has the ability to make sparkles fly.

You became a guide to a lost freshman, who you’ve grown up to love. And you simply predict, that in the future, you are going to experience more hurts in greater magnitudes.

And you’ll grow up through your experiences, but with Jungwoo right next to you. Through experiencing and learning different things about yourselves, there is no time to focus on your potential relationship with your best friend.

So maybe, just maybe! You aren’t going to fall for your best friend and break the pact early, because you’re no sucker to Kim Jungwoo.

However, you’re beginning to notice the small changes and even those have an effect on you. So possibly, it may be harder than you’d think. Because the one person that will be beside you through every heartbreak and passing crush, is always going to be him.

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thatbloodymuggle · 5 years ago

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READY TO RUN (prologue)

SUMMARY: in a world where everyone has a predetermined match, JJ Maybank and Y/N Montgomery want nothing to do with theirs. it has to be a cruel joke; the universe forcing two people to love each other when they don’t know how.

PAIRING: jj maybank x reader / soulmate au

WORD COUNT: 1.6k

MASTERLIST

✰✰✰

The Montgomery Mansion is the pinnacle of Figure Eight. Built sometime between the American Revolution and the Civil War, it is one of the few remaining antebellum homes in the Outer Banks. The massive white pillars and evenly spaced windows lined by a balcony are a paragon of beauty. Through the daunting doors of the center entrance lies an extravagant chandelier and sweeping, marble staircase leading to dozens of rooms. The beauty of the surrounding garden and Grecian-style symmetry is picturesque. A Kook’s dream. The Montgomery Mansion encapsulates the affluence of the elite community of the Outer Banks.

Inside the magnificent mansion lives an even more magnificent family. The Montgomery family; deep-rooted in the South and dripping in old money.

The Montgomery family has passed down the beautiful property through generations. Today, it is home to Clyde and Margaret Montgomery.

Clyde and Margaret are the epic Nicholas Sparks novel every teenage girl dreams of. They attended Princeton University together in the same class. Despite their strong soulmate bond, the pair didn’t find each other until the end of their 4 years when they were named co-valedictorians. Clyde, a smart, southern gentleman, and Margaret, a strong-willed, southern lady. Both battling for the top spot, but also each other’s perfect match as decided by—well, no one really knows who determines soulmate bonds.

Along with their Princeton degrees, Clyde and Margaret’s pride and joy are their daughters.

Ellie-Mae Montgomery is the oldest of the bunch at 24. After spending four years at UVA and passing her MCAT with flying colors, she was admitted into Johns Hopkins medical school where she studies currently. She lives in her own estate in the surrounding DC area with her soulmate, Andrew, whom she met her sophomore year of college. Andrew is the son of the CEO of a major tech development company, which he will be inheriting soon. A doctor and a future CEO--Clyde and Margaret couldn’t be happier. Despite living away from home, Ellie-Mae makes sure to visit her loving family in the Outer Banks every now and then.

Next is Dixie Montgomery at 21. The second-oldest is about to start her senior year at Duke playing for the field hockey team. After being named to the U.S. national field hockey team several years in a row, she is training with Team USA as an Olympic hopeful. In addition to being a top-rated athlete, Dixie is also a political science major who has interned with Fox News in New York City for the past 4 summers, where she met her soulmate, Brad. Clyde and Margaret Montgomery love Brad: a former quarterback for Alabama, where he graduated with high honors in hopes of going into politics alongside Dixie. The (debatably) perfect conservative, southern couple, some would say.

The youngest of the bunch is Georgia Montgomery, an energetic 14-year-old. Despite her young age, she too has an impressive résumé. Valedictorian for her 8thgrade class, class president, a state title-holder in tennis, and a Stanford hopeful. Although she is yet to meet her own soulmate, Clyde and Margaret are sure she will have a smart, handsome young man join the family. Georgia is the Montgomery baby, and could never do wrong.

Finally there is Y/N Montgomery at 17 years old; older than Georgia, but listed last (she suffers from a severe case of middle-child syndrome). Her parents and teachers could tell even from a young age that Y/N wouldn’t be like her sisters in any regard. She was never quite so quick to pick up on math, and was always a grade-level behind with her reading. An average student at best; even with the thousands of dollars her parents spent monthly on her private tutor. Clyde and Margaret quickly realized their third-born didn’t have the wit of her two older sisters, So, they enrolled her in piano lessons and a multitude of sports to compensate for where she lacked in school. Y/N was quite good at field hockey and lacrosse, but Y/N was also greatly uninterested in both. The chronic disappointment clouding her parent’s eyes forced down her complaints. It was already embarrassing enough being the average daughter of Princeton graduates, so the least she could do was attend practices without complaint.

But piano, well, piano was another story. Y/N loved playing piano. It was clear from the moment a shy, 7-year-old Y/N stepped into Madame Ivanov’s studio that she was dripping with musical talent. Despite being a little slower when it came to numbers and letters, Y/N zoomed through sheet music and her fingers fell naturally onto the keyboard. As Y/N grew older, she advanced at a rapid pace. Now, at 17-years-old, her bedroom wall is completely covered in medals, trophies, state titles, and even national awards.

Yet despite her accomplishments, her piano trophies never quite amounted to Dixie and Georgia’s field hockey and tennis ones, or Ellie-Mae’s academic medals and diplomas. While Y/N’s talent on the piano was great to show off at house parties in the ballroom of the Montgomery Mansion, Clyde and Margaret never believed it was anything to make a career out of, let alone study in college. They believed the arts were virtually useless skills.

What troubled Margaret and Clyde most of all about Y/N wasn’t her lack of motivation or her obsession with futile things. It was her soulmate bond.

It’s normal to feel your soulmate’s pain. Margaret and Clyde could remember when Ellie-Mae cried to them at 15-years-old when Andrew broke his leg, and when Dixie had to sit out of a few field hockey games after Brad got a concussion. Even Georgia had begun to feel occasional twinges of papercuts and bruises. These instances never bothered Clyde and Margaret. Everyone gets injured sometimes.

Y/N, on the other hand, was a different story.

It felt like every other week she was gritting her teeth through the pain of her soulmate breaking a bone. Not to mention the almost daily punches to their face, kicks to their side, and splitting of their knuckles from fighting back. Whoever her soulmate was, they were constantly getting into trouble. This severely worried Clyde and Margaret. Not for Y/N’s, well-being, no. They worried for what scum their daughter may be destined to be with, and how it could tarnish their perfect reputation in Figure Eight.

Y/N trained herself since she was about 10 or 11 to hide the pain of her soulmate. But sometimes, it was just too much. Sometimes, she couldn’t help but cry out when that invisible, bone-crushing punch hit her square in the nose in the middle of dinner. Her parents’ reactions were always the same. Margaret’s face would pale while Clyde’s would redden in anger and embarrassment. Margaret would yank her daughter aside, nails digging into her arm, and scold her for embarrassing the family if they were in public. If they were alone, Clyde would snap at her and send her up to her room.

Y/N tried her very best to conceal it, for the disappointment clouding her parents’ faces was far worse than the physical pain of her other half.

For years Y/N blamed herself. It was her fault she wasn’t as smart as Ellie-Mae, Dixie, or even Georgia. And why couldn’t she look forward to field hockey and lacrosse practices? Why did the one thing she love have to be the one thing her parents didn’t care about? And above all, why couldn’t she just have a normal soulmate?

Y/N grew to detest her soulmate. She was already enough of an embarrassment to a perfect family. To top it all off, she had a soulmate who was an embarrassment as well. All Y/N ever wanted was approval from her parents. She just wanted to make them proud. But she never would—all because of someone she no longer wanted. In Y/N’s eyes, they were the reason for so much of her pain—physical and emotional—and she dreaded the day she would find them.

To most, soulmates are a blessing.

To Y/N Montgomery, soulmates are a fucking curse.

JJ Maybank feels guilty. He always has. He feels guilty for not being a better friend, for not being a better son, and for stumbling along his father’s path. Above all, he feels guilty for inflicting pain upon his soulmate.

JJ can take the punches. In fact, he deals them out half of the time. But the knowledge that someone else is getting a beating they definitely don’t deserve weighs on him. It weighs even heavier when he feels his soulmate place an ice pack over his bruises to ease the pain. It makes him feel horrible, but he doesn’t stop getting into fights. And he still comes home every night to his father.

What JJ feels guiltiest about isn’t the pain he inflicts upon his soulmate daily; it’s the impending pain they will feel when they realize he doesn’t want them back.

JJ doesn’t want a soulmate. He doesn’t need anyone else to leave him, and he doesn’t need anyone else to disappoint. Everything he touches he destroys.

JJ only has the Pogues, and he wants to keep it that way. It’s not just about some French Revolution-like class war; he can’t afford to let anyone else get close to him. John B, Kiara, and Pope don’t expect anything from him. They don’t expect him to do good and they aren’t phased when he fucks up. They don’t ask him for anything. That’s why it works. Because every time JJ gives, he loses.

To most, soulmates are a blessing.

To JJ Maybank, soulmates are a fucking curse.

#jj maybank x reader #jj maybank x you #jj maybank smut #jj maybank series #jj maybank x y/n #jj maybank fanfic #Rudy pankow x reader #jj maybank imagine #outer banks #obx #outer banks fanfic #outer banks imagine #outer banks series #Rudy pankow

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simmingwormly · 4 years ago

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La Fiesta Tech and other unfortunate decisions 1: Greek House powered by hatred (Tank and Johnny)

After my last post about my general play style for university in TS2, here I come with something more specific! (aka a blog that promised to be about gameplay is finally posting gameplay)

I ran 35 Sims through college at once - the 8 Strangetown and Pleasantview teens, La Fiesta Tech premades, plus student bin families from the other two universities. In this post I’ll focus on one of the households, what their general experience was and what are my headcanons about it.

Now, I don’t have the save file anymore. The neighborhood succumbed to corruption just a rotation after, so I restarted. It was a learning experience and now I know to run HoodChecker after every rotation and to batbox gossip memories frequently. However, I’m over it and enjoying my new hood even more, I just thought I write a short disclaimer that these bits won’t have any mentions in future posts. But my interpretation of the characters still stands and doesn’t change regardless of save files.

Anyway, let’s get down to business!

...to defeat Academic Probation.

When Johnny Smith signed up for an assignment to establish and lead a Greek House of his own, he was overjoyed. Even more so when he saw the name "Grunt" as his assigned partner.

Founding a Greek House with Ripp? AWESOME!

But... the Grunt in question wasn't Ripp...

No. It was the a**hole Grunt. They’ve already been living in one dorm (with like 14 other people) and the place was a battleground.

To be fair, Johnny and Tank didn't just fight and nothing else. Yes, fighting was like 90 % of how they usually spent their time together but there was something else...

Chess.

In this particular game Johnny had become surprisingly fond of chess and frequently rolled the want to play it.

Chess has always been Tank's favorite game.

They played quite often and it was one of the rare times they were having fun together and actually talked instead of yelling.

But are a few games of chess enough to earn one forgiveness for a teenhood of nastiness and abuse?

In Johnny's eyes rightfully not.

He had to admit the a**hole is quite chill when he's not being a total d*ckhead but that didn't change anything about the fact that Tank had been terrible to him for no good reason ever since forever and he hated him for that.

Those feelings... weren't completely mutual.

College was Tank's awakening. He found himself away from his father, away from prying eyes that would judge him for not being perfect and for the first time in his life, he felt quite free.

And empty. And alone. He realized he had no friends and that the only person who truly liked him was his father and he would most probably stop if he ever learned of Tank's inner world.

He decided it was a high time for a change.

But habits aren't easy to break, especially if they're the only thing you know. Tank had never learnt to relax around people, never learnt to talk to them just to get to know them, never learnt to express himself, never learnt how to make friends.

Why, he had never needed to! They would have been a weakness, an unmanly stain of lollygagging on his consciousness. He was taught that friendships form themselves on the battlefield and it's a waste of time to try to create them otherwise.

It was quite awkward when he started approaching Ripp in attempts to mend their relationship. Tank has hurt Ripp in the past, he actually treated them quite horribly, fueling his own confidence from being the older, bigger, stronger one and from their father approving of such behavior.

Their father has never said it out loud but it has always been simply there that Tank was the superior one. More obedient, stronger, faster, more masculine. Smarter, even! How could Ripp with an attitude like theirs, with their lousy academic results even compare to by-the-book and hardworking Tank?

Yet it was Ripp who was seemingly happier, like they didn't even care about father's disapproval or the pressure of being the offspring of a venerated general. Tank realized he admired them for that. They did things Tank wouldn't even dream of. They didn't hide who they were.

Forgiveness... forgiveness isn't easy to attain. But Tank was determined to try anyway. At the very least he would stop causing any more harm to his sibling in the future.

It wasn't that straightforward with his new alien roommate, though.

Johnny was special. First he despised him because his father taught him they were inherently dangerous and invasive, they needed to be driven away. But that got quickly buried under memories of aggression and hostile experiences. It was by all means Tank who started it and Johnny was only fighting back but that didn't matter deep in Tank's head, his brain had connected Johnny to unpleasant, awful things regardless.

But he was also the most... attractive person Tank knew. Tank couldn't help himself. He wished Johnny Smith wasn't an alien, so they could've been friends right from the start. He was athletic, even more than Tank, was interested in the same sports as him and was damn good at them, he has always had good grades without seemingly having to study that much, and all around, he would make such a worthy friend!

Friend. Was that something Tank sincerely had on mind when he fantasized about Johnny? (And did he do that a lot!) No. Not at all.

Ripp has long been out, proud and loud about their orientation, not denying they liked boys and girls and anything in between and beyond, and the general was giving them dirty looks and deprecating remarks for it. He wasn't outright punishing them, mainly because he expected nothing more from Ripp and knew his middle child was simply "a weirdo" but Tank was sure his reception would be even worse if he came out.

He was supposed to be the good son, after all. The heir. He was not supposed to think or do or, by the Watcher, be something his father considers perverted and unmanly. He could only imagine the horrible things the general could say to him and the thought alone was enough to make him shudder.

Once again Tank simply didn't understand Ripp. They liked girls, so the world didn't even had to know that it's not all there is to it. They could've just find themselves a girlfriend and not face any judging generals. That's what Tank would do!

But he couldn't. He wasn't like Ripp. He only ever felt attracted to other men and male-presenting people. There was nothing he could do, no way he could force himself to be any other way.

And nobody knew. Not even that girl from their high school that Tank asked to prom so that he didn't look weird. They were on amicable terms but they weren't even friends, they just helped each other out so they didn't seem like outcasts to the whole school on the prom night.

He remembered his father being elated and encouraging him to invite his "girlfriend" for a dinner soon, so he could meet the fine young lady that might just one day become his daughter-in-law.

Tank had to tell him that it unfortunately "didn't work out" and that he "needs to focus on his studies and training anyway" and the general then praised him for it.

Little did he know that his favorite son, even back then, was not only gay but had a hopeless crush on an alien boy.

Every time Tank tried to interact with Johnny and be nice to him, he got reminded of his feelings he was so ashamed of and of his fear of his father disavowing him, so he said something mean instead or didn't talk to him at all.

The only exception was chess.

Sometimes, when a game neared its end, they spoke. And they talked... casually. It was awkward and cautious but it was a conversation and it felt... good.

Playing chess with Johnny became Tank's guilty pleasure. (even worse than watching make-up tutorials on SimTube!)

Being forced by the assignment to live together for six semesters was equal parts a living hell and a dream come true.

They had a small house on La Fiesta Tech premises that they were to transform into a lively Greek House.

"This place looks like shit and smells like a prison cell. Or vice-versa?"

"You got everything you have for free, Smith. Stop bitching."

Johnny sighed and opened up a book. "Says someone whose loaded dad literally sent him money for this house."

"I thought your family was also well off. Is that incorrect?"

"We have a financial situation called None of your business, Grunt."

"Sorry for asking like a normal person."

"Nothing you do is 'like a normal person'."

...

"I quit! You're unhinged, Smith!"

"Tell me something I don't know."

"I found a knife under your pillow!"

"You found -what? Why the f*ck were you looking under my pillow?!"

"I was just changing the sheets. I did mine, so I thought I'll do yours, too!"

"Why the f*ck would you change the sheets on MY flipping bed?"

"Because you are a disgusting manchild and it stank."

"I was gonna change them tonight! And, guess what!"

"What?"

"YOU also have a knife under your pillow!"

"I don't!"

"Yes, you do, liar."

"How do you know that?"

"I saw you put it there yesterday, you galaxy brain. The question is, why the hell do you have a f*cking knife under your pillow?"

"Why do you, Smith?"

"Because I live with your ass. I sleep better knowing you can't just murder me in my sleep. Now you tell."

"Same. I've slept with a knife under my pillow ever since grade school in case a robber got to our house. I won't stop now that I live with YOU!"

"..."

"I won't kill you. I'm not a freak! Killing is wrong, even if it's parasites such as you. And, besides, I'm not stupid. If you turned up dead, I'll would be charged immediately, even if I didn't do it."

"So why do heck do you think I would kill you, Grunt?"

"I... don't know."

"Anyway, were you for real? Are you quitting? We fail this assignment but I'm chill with that if it means getting rid of you."

"No, no! I'm not going anywhere until we pass. I'm not a quitter! But if you want to quit, I'll respect that and be glad this circus is finally over."

"Fine. Are we getting pizza for dinner tonight?"

...

“I invited my family for a lunch...”

“Alright. I’ll be in the library. Or the gym. Haven’t decided yet.”

“No.”

“No?”

“I want you to be here, Grunt.”

“Why? So you can all make fun of me?”

“Stop being so defensive. I want you to be here, so you can just chill with us. And my folks are gonna know you’re actually... okay.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“And if you hang out with mom, dad and Jill, you’re gonna know they’re okay, too.”

“That’s not how this works. I can’t just act like we’re friends now and everything’s peachy.”

“Well, who said that? Maybe that’s exactly how it works. You never know until you try!”

“If anything goes wrong-”

“Nothing’s gonna go wrong. It’s not that deep. We’re been living together for nearly three f*cking years and had a sh*tton of time to talk. In fact, I already told them you’re my friend now.”

“I thought we agreed we wouldn’t use the F-word!”

Johnny laughed. “What? F*cking? F*ck? C’mon! Your dad can’t hear us!”

“No, the other one. The FR-word.”

Johnny rolled his eyes and grinned. “Go friend yourself!”

“Okay, I’ll stay for the lunch. I’ll go get my tuxedo...”

“Please don’t.”

Reaching a truce was a painfully slow and slowly painful process. Sometimes Johnny wondered if there’s even a point. Sometimes Tank wondered if it wouldn’t be better just to focus fully on his studies and forget that Johnny existed.

But they had to live together, they had to work together organizing parties and happenings in order to grow the Greek House. They had to speak. And when the exams drew nearer, the only person who was available for evening study sessions was usually the other.

What did they study anyway?

Tank rolled the want to major in Drama while Johnny studied Political Science. Tank has never told his father the truth of what his field of study is and knowing his father has access to the university's statistics and probably could fact check that in Tank's house there lives a Drama major and a PolSci major, he pretended he's doing Political Science and Johnny is the one majoring in Drama.

When the general came for a visit to attend Tank's graduation, Johnny played along with his lie.

The relationship between Tank and Johnny improved drastically over the three years. They still weren't exactly close friends but were healing with a prospect of a friendship further along the way.

Were they romantic with one another?

No. Johnny reciprocated Tank's attraction and maybe something could happen in the future but Johnny fell in love autonomously with somebody else.

With a different Grunt, to be exact.

(typing angrily)

Anyway, even though Tank's crush on Johnny ended up futile, it was still a great experience for him.

In college, Tank Grunt really flourished, despite the initial struggle. He realized a lot about himself and started working on his social skills and repairing his relationships.

He also found a friend in none other than Ophelia Nigmos and she became the first person he ever came out to.

Plus, he was the most academically successful Sim of the whole 35 students I played, being the only one who graduated with a flawless 4.0 GPA.

Unlike Ripp, Tank returned back to live with their father and Buck for the time being. He was expected to enter the army and needed a place to be. Moreover, the general was vocal about choosing him as the heir who inherits the Grunt house someday, so it was simply right for Tank to go back and live there.

Was it? Wasn’t it?

Tank was definitely having second thoughts.

He didn’t wonder anymore if military was the right career path for him. He knew it wasn’t.

But was he ready to let the world know who he really was?

#the sims 2 #ts2 #gameplay #la fiesta tech #tank grunt #johnny smith #premades #simbrl

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tundrainafrica · 4 years ago

Text

Title: Division of Labor (4/?)

Summary:

“The past years, we have noticed a lot of our fresh high school graduates knew nothing about responsibilities the that awaited them outside high school and even college. Many students do not master budgeting, taxes, household planning, loans and we hope to raise a generation who can navigate the adult world without the consequences of bad decisions they are bound to make going in blindly…”

Paradis High school starts a program incorporating adulting into their curriculum and Hange and Levi are paired together.

Note: From request of @a-golden-hearted-snk-fan. See this link for the request

So here is the next chapter of division of labor. I had intended to drop it today for a long time. I didn't expect it to coincide with leaks so sorry for the slight mood whiplash.

Anyway, thank you to the anons on tumblr for asking about this fic. I still find it pretty surreal that people actually think about my work, let alone send asks about it.

Other Chapters: 1 2 3

Link to cross-postings: AO3

Having lived alone for all of his high school life and some of his middle school life, Levi was sure of one thing.

Cooking is fun. Except when it is graded.

In fact, nothing can be fun when someone is behind them watching their every move telling them their performance in that one activity can determine a grade and that grade can determine their future. As Levi and Hange surveyed the ingredients in front of them, Erwin was behind them. Of all the workstations he had chosen to hang out in, it happened to be theirs.

As Levi looked at the other workstations, he could see Nanaba to his left already cracking two eggs into a bowl next to Mike. Bertholdt who was working in front of them with his pair Reiner was already cutting up what looked like cheese cubes. To his right was his own pair Hange who was shaking the eggs to her ear.

“Just to check if they’re boiled,” she explained. Levi did not even notice he had given her a judgemental look until she avoided his gaze looking a little self conscious.

Of course they wouldn’t be boiled. They were supposed to be doing everything from scratch. Why did he and Hange in particular look the most clueless? Why weren’t they doing anything? Levi looked behind him again to see Erwin still staring at both of them. I’m not clueless. Levi had to remind himself. He preplanned and prepared meals multiple times a week. He could make anything from the ingredients laid out in front of him. Eggs. Cheese. Celery. Instant noodles.

Why the hell is there instant noodles. What am I supposed to be making?

That ordeal only fueled his hatred for surprise tasks. He hated pop quizzes. Particularly because he had the cursed history of not knowing exactly what would be asked during the actual quizzes but having comprehensive knowledge in another facet of whatever topic they discussed in class. At that moment, he could have gladly given an oral exam about why exactly putting a washing machine in the bathroom was a good idea. Hange probably would have been able to do a practical exam or presentation explaining why a rent-to-own scheme was the best option for homeowners.

Both he and Hange though, probably spent at the most ten minutes running through that meal plan which was biting them so painfully in the ass at that moment. On top of that, the restrictions were ridiculous and unnecessary.

“No checking the recipe?” It was Connie that time towards the front of the room who was protesting the ridiculous restriction put on them. “I thought you’re supposed to be simulating adulthood. In real life everyone could just research the recipes? ”

“What if you don’t have wifi but you have eggs and vegetables in front of you and you need to cook breakfast?” Erwin challenged.

“We’ll have recipe books.” Sasha answered.

Erwin raised his eyebrows, looking pointedly at the Connie and Sasha pair. “Will your current financial situation allow that?”

Levi found some solace in Erwin’s comment. Maybe, just maybe that meant that they weren’t the only pair currently burning in hell financially in this little game of adulting. He looked to Hange and the face she made as Erwin had said the words `current financial situation’ and “allow” in the same sentence, Levi guessed that Erwin’s comment probably applied to them as a pair too.

“It is important at least for all of you to know the basics of cooking a nice meal even without the recipe.

Levi sighed. He lived alone and he knew they didn’t need it. Levi had a recipe book for easy recipes at home and almost always had wifi anyway. Nobody actually needed to memorize recipes. He was aware though of the culture of schools to know that schools always made things harder than they were supposed to be.

At least when you’re in the real world, things will be so much easier because you’ve had it hard already. Some teachers would defend. Making things unnecessarily hard though wasn’t at all an effective way to get people good at things. Sometimes, making things unnecessarily hard only left students with chronic unresolved tensions with certain formulas, academic concepts and sometimes even mundane objects they had encountered too many times in an academic setting. In fact, he started to feel the beginnings of it when he encountered washing machines and Japanese style house designs while he went grocery shopping that weekend. A few times he also could have sworn he’d seen Hange recoil at hearing the words ‘debit’ and ‘credit.’

“Maybe we should boil the eggs?” Hange lined up the ingredients on the counter.

“What the hell are you doing?” Levi asked, or more specifically panicked. Around him he could see the others already turning on the stove. Watching Hange observe the ingredients was only a grave reminder of their own incompetence.

“I’m just trying to arrange the ingredients in different ways. Maybe a good idea will come to mind.” She paused for a second. “Scrambled eggs?”

"Hear me out Hange, what if it isn't scrambled eggs." The ingredients all pointed to scrambled eggs or an omelette. In front of them there was a pan, a skillet, eggs, butter and vegetables. That seemed like the most reasonable option. Having taken tests and quizzes for most of his life though, Levi was a master of the art of ‘doubting one’s self’ in high pressure situations where every decision equated to a deduction. “Why is there a pack of instant noodles?” Whether he had intended to or not, Levi had ended up saying his thoughts out loud.

Hange paused for a second, pressing her thumb to her lips in thought, her eyes completely fixed on the pack of instant noodles in front of her. She looked like she was starting to doubt herself too. “You’re right. Levi, why are there instant noodles? Didn’t you make the meal plan?”

“Didn’t you check it?”

“I did check it. If i remember correctly, there was a recipe for scrambled eggs. But there should have been vegetables.” Hange brought the instant noodles pack closer to her and closely read through it. “Wait a minute. This is chow mein? I thought chow mein was a type of vegetable. Why the hell would you put instant noodles in scrambled eggs?”

Instant noodles and scrambled eggs. For some reason, it hadn’t clicked when all he saw were the ingredients in front of him. With Hange bringing up the two key ingredients of eggs and instant noodles, he started to remember what revisions he had made to that particular recipe. “It’s cheaper to make omelette rice with instant noodles than with actual rice.” He admitted lightly.

“Levi! We’re graded for nutritional value. Did you not read the rubrics?”

Levi looked away. In fact he had failed to read the rubrics. “Weren’t you supposed to be checking my work?

“I did check it.”

“Then why did you think chowmein is a type of vegetable? Aren’t you a fan of botany?”

“Levi there are at least one thousand vegetables to think of. You can’t expect me to keep track of all of them.”

Levi then realized that maybe having too much information in one’s brain was a little disadvantageous. Hange may be right that there are thousands of types of vegetables in the world. Levi was sure though that only at least fifty of those types would have been available in an average supermarket. You don’t really go grocery shopping much do you? A part of him had wanted to criticize her and maybe start a little argument.

The clatter of pots and pans around him and the urgent sounding voices was only telling him one thing, time was running. They had to churn something up or risk failing that quiz. He wished at least he could have double checked the rubrics. Alas, their phones were in their bags, all gathered towards the front of the rooms. All they had armed with them then was their procedural memory and the many ingredients in front of them.

Maybe, just maybe though we could do a little improvisation. Levi made eye contact with Hange as he said it. It looked like she had read his mind, Hange reached out for the instant noodles in front of him, ready to slip the pack silently into her pocket.

“If I find out any of you revised any of your recipes or you miss out on one ingredient, expect a 50% deduction for this test,” Erwin announced from behind them.

Within a second, the pack of instant noodles was back on the table and that flash of understanding between Levi and Hange had changed to one of horror and panic. Did he notice?

“Marco, I really cannot remember why the hell I needed so many of these spices in the first place.” Jean said apologetically from his station to their right.

“Maybe we shouldn’t have asked your mom to make the meal plan in the first place then.” Marco sounded surprisingly pissed.

At least they weren’t the only one in hell’s kitchen.

Division of Labor

By some silent agreement, all meetings with his actual friends were cancelled. It was as if everyone in the room had unanimously decided to make up for that disaster of a kitchen quiz by working on the next deliverable days before it was due. It was as if everyone was sure they had failed Erwin’s little pop quiz

Or long test. Erwin though never gave the breakdown of how much of their grade that disaster in the kitchen was. Levi found some assurance at least in the fact that everyone did look as unsure as they were about it. They can’t fail the whole class right?

Either way, a failing grade is still a failing grade. Levi and Hange had gone for the plan of omelette rice having kept the instant noodles revision. And with nutritional value a 60% of their grade for the actual meal plan, their expectations for their grades were low. On the bright side at least, Erwin said that there would be more pop quizzes in the kitchen, so they just had to memorize the recipe of whatever they put in the meal plan the next time around.

It would be painstaking, Levi was sure. But as students he and Hange had been forced to memorize formulas, kingdoms and phyla, vocabulary words, thesis statements, poems and dialogues. That should be nothing. Levi though had a building resentment for the subject, particularly the fact that no one had prepared them for that type of stress at all. None of the seniors ever had to do this type of program and thus, Levi was completely unprepared mentally for ‘adulting.’

Welcome to adulthood. That was what was written on the top of the questionnaire he and Hange were supposed to be submitting by Friday midnight. It was Wednesday afternoon of that week and he was grateful Hange had even suggested they start earlier. Only that morning, Erwin had submitted a new list of deliverables which seemed more comprehensive than the last.

September*

Week 1

Meal Plan

Investment Plan Part I: Disposable Income

Pop quiz

Week 2

Education Plan for Kids

Module 2 (See attached fail)

Pop quiz

Week 3 - 4

TBA

While Hange answered some of the questions on the questionnaire, Levi could only stare at the module in his email. He had promised Hange he would look into it while she filled out her part of the questionnaire. His eyes though were stuck on the little typo

Fail. He was sure Erwin meant file. In that type of module though, he would consider that typo almost fatal since the whole program was already screaming the words ‘failure’ at him.

He had to note at least that Erwin put the words pop quiz there for every week. He couldn’t help but think it was due to the fact that everyone had failed that last cooking exam and that was a sign of some mercy on the teacher’s side.

He clicked the module below the email to find that the file was too large at least for google to open. Oh, I guess it’s too large to open on my phone. It might slow it down after all. A petty excuse but he was just tired and instead decided to entrust the responsibility of opening said document to the Levi of a few hours later who would be in front of an actual computer.

“The file is too big to open on my phone. Sorry, I didn’t think about bringing my laptop today.” Levi’s words weren’t too sincere. A part of him was telling him never to bring his laptop on campus in the first place and was thankful for that bout of irresponsibility. Delaying the inevitable at present is always such a sweet feeling after all.

“It’s fine, it wasn’t too hard to fill out what’s needed. We just needed to assign rooms for Flora and Fauna…” Hange started looking pointedly at the flour babies who were leaning by the window of the diner they started to frequent. “Then break down our budget for other things like furniture, groceries, household necessities…”

She slid the paper over to Levi. As if by magic, his brain just shut down at seeing the numbers out there. A part of him though, a more tenacious part was nagging at him to comment at the computations in front of him.

He focused on the words not the numbers. There were calculations for household necessities like detergent and cleaning wax, groceries, baby stuff, utility bills. Somehow it was only making Levi feel more useless for not even understanding what she was writing.

So you have to comment. Levi willed himself to open his mouth and rack his brain for something reasonable and useful to say. Those thoughts on his end all culminated to two words. “Washing machine... “

“What? You’re still not over that?”

“You really don’t want the washing machine in the bathroom?”

“Levi, we’ve been over this!” Hange said, looking exasperated. Within a split second, her look softened into something else then within a second twisted into what looked like shame or embarrassment. “Yeah, I don’t think we even have the money to pay for that in installments now. But hey, a washing machine isn’t a necessity right? Like handwashing is still a thing.”

Levi didn’t agree. He knew in the back of his mind that anything that made cleaning easier was a necessity. Hange though had made the calculations and as a form of respect for her hardwork and a punishment for himself and his inability to have been of any use with that questionnaire, he kept quiet.

He just had to trust her. Group works were all about trust after all.

Division of Labor

“Your answers were all a fucking mess. If adulting was a war, none of you would make it back alive. All of you will starve with your shitty planning and resource conserving skills.” Shadis waved a wad of papers so magnificently over his head as he slammed them on the table. “I want to hear your justifications for making such idiotic decisions. Maybe that can bring up your grade to a D at least.”

“Blouse Springer!”

“Yes sir!” Sasha stood up instinctively.

“Connie join your partner!”

“We have to sta---?” Connie’s eyes widened as if he realized a second later the disrespect in what he had just said. He stood up a split second after. “Yes sir!”

“Tell me again. What are your jobs?”

Connie looked at the documents and back at him. “Is what we put in the document… wrong… sir?”

“What. Are. Your. Jobs?”

Sasha and Connie exchanged glances and looked back up at him. “I’m a marketing specialist…” Connie started. “And Sasha---”

“Journalist sir.”

“So you have eight to five jobs right?”

“Yes we do,” Connie answered.

“And three kids?”

The two nodded in sync. “Yes sir,” Sasha said. “Or that’s what I remember…” In fact, she shouldn’t have had to recall that. The three flour sacks were on their desk after all. “Did we miss one?”

Shadis ignored them. “Then why did you tick ‘no babysitter’ here?”

“Are we supposed to tick it sir?” Connie asked. A brave question that had everyone in the classroom more silent than they had been a second ago.

“You have eight to five jobs and three children. So are you telling me you will take the kids to work?

“Are we allowed? The fee for a babysitter everyday just seems… extravagant.”

That wasn’t the right word. The right word was exorbitant. As some of the people in the class would have agreed. Many could see though that Connie was shaking at the incessant questions and that should have been the last of his concerns.

Shadis though seemed unpreturbed at the wrong word choice. “Well what if your boss doesn’t allow you to bring three kids to work?”

“Then we leave them at home?”

“And you know that’s illegal?”

The silence in the room had become deafening.

“You can be sued for child neglect,” Shadis expounded

“But how would they know?” It was a bold question from Connie

The room exploded in hesitant mutters only silenced a second later by Shadis’ eerily cold reply. “Social workers are very perceptive people, Connie. I’m surprised you’re even underestimating them. Be ready to pay attorney dues for this.” He wrote something on the paper on his desk which was probably Connie and Sasha’s submission before pushing it to the bottom of the pile.

“Next pair…Ackerman Zoe. Stand up.”

By lunchtime, Levi was in a trance, a very strong strance. He did not even notice the students who had filed out of the classroom for lunch, his eyes completely fixed on the beautiful view of the school courtyard as the leaves started to change color.

That was not what he was admiring though. He wasn’t actually admiring anything. Although his eyes were fixed at such a beautiful view, his brain had done nothing to process it.

“So… You wanna talk about the next output?” That familiar voice sounded like a screech to Levi and it was more than enough to pull him out.

“We are so fucked.” Levi’s words were almost instinctive. It was as if just hearing Hange’s voice sent his whole body into panic mode. Of course he would, having just been grilled by Shadis and having one’s incompetence exposed could do that to anyone.

“There’s an output every week. We’ll be fine,” Hange assured.

Levi could only stare at Hange. He had know idea what kind of face he was making. All he could think then though was the fact that she out of the two of them should have been in a worse state of panic than he was.

And her calm ironically only stressed him out further. Having been reeling from the stress of it for almost four hours, Levi still remembered their exchange perfectly.

"Okay Ackerman… Just a homemaker. And Zoe. You’re working freelance?

"So Levi and I decided that I'll be a scientist and he'll take care of the house," Hange had said so confidently.

"What about taxes?"

“Taxes?”

“I looked at the breakdown of your budget Zoe. You didn’t mention anything about taxes.”

“I’m freelance sir.”

“Zoe, has it ever occured to you that freelancers pay taxes too?”

And their lesson of the day came soon after that exchange. The tasks were detailed and demanded a lot of thought. Through all they had learned over that one painful exchange and maybe through the glimpses of the next few exchanges he had so half heartedly watched, he had learned a lot.

He could have easily summarized it all into one sentence though. Do not take Erwin's tasks with a grain of salt.

Erwin had thought everything through. It could have been by coincidence or it could have also been just a lack of thought on the side of the students but somehow the set up Erwin had was exposing the weaknesses of the students when it came to learning, and possibly their potential weaknesses when it comes to actual adulting.

"I’m deducting the taxes already."

"You heard Shadis, It's too late the hypothetical government is out to get us.” Levi added the word hypothetical to at least help himself bask in the fact that it was still a simulation. “We’re getting penalized.”

Hange smiled wryly. “Fine, we’re kinda financially… going through a rough patch,” She admitted. “But we’re not the only ones going through this type of financial bump. Eren and Mikasa, Sasha and Connie, Reiner and Bertholdt, Petra and Oluo…” Hange trailed off. “I mean okay Armin and Annie looked like they were doing fine but back in the supermarket, they looked kinda confused too.”

“A failing grade is a failing grade.”

“But Levi, they can’t fail the whole class.” Hearing that Hange was somehow very reassuring.

Hange was right. Teachers can’t fail a whole class and Levi was aware of two methods teachers tend to employ when dealing with an underperforming class: employ a curve or give extra credit.

Levi should have known though from his short yet very tumultuous few weeks with that adulting program that a curve would have seemed a little too merciful for their teachers.

With the uncomfortable look Erwin gave the class, Levi was sure at least a majority of the class had fucked up financially. How exactly, he was unsure.

Right after they had finished their own mini oral exam, Levi had fallen into a trance. A trance, trying to think up a back up life just in case he never manages to graduate high school or make it to college.

Misery though loves company. Especially when it’s a whole class failing. Levi was not the type to want to wish misfortune on anyone else. Being as completely idiotic and dense as he and Hange were though, Levi found himself grateful for the unfortunate situation the class found themselves in,

“It looks like a lot of you are struggling financially. Zeke and I had a quick talk about this actually…”

Levi’s blood ran cold at the name, Zeke. At that point, he didn’t know if he hated Zeke or he hated Math. Looking back at Zeke’s unfavorable personality, he was guessing probably both.

“And we realized it would be beneficial if we introduce the possibility of finding other sources of income which would be a good lesson in financial management.”

There were some sighs of disappointment among the class. Levi empathized. In fact, he probably would have joined them as well if he weren’t so jaded by the course of events already. Still, a small part of him had hoped as well that they would just raise their salaries.

That was the equivalent of a curve though and Levi somehow knew, grading on the curve was just not Erwin’s style.

“So I am introducing two options to increase your income. One is through investments which will be taught by Zeke another day and another one is through this ‘new system’ I thought out.” Erwin looked a little too proud of that ‘new system.’

“We will be offering extra tasks you may choose to take around the school, these include cleaning, admin tasks, lab work and anything else the teachers may need help done. Each task will have a corresponding pay which can be added to your income for that month.”

So it’s exploitable free labor. Levi thought to himself. He was sure he wasn’t the only one thinking of that. Everyone in the room was desperate though. In the end, despite the questionable set up, it had come out looking like a gesture of generosity from their teacher. Levi saw that in the way a lot of the students around him looked relieved to hear that announcement.

“Or we can just choose to budget within our means?” Annie spoke up from her place on the front next to Armin. She was notably calmer than a lot of people in the room. Levi had suspected for a while though that Armin and Annie weren’t in as much trouble financially.

“I’m sure though a lot of you would want to earn more money,” Erwin said, a knowing smile on his face. “You can exchange these for this thing I will be introducing called ‘disposable income tokens’ and if you collect enough, you can get a free ticket out of doing one of the modules or the pop quizzes of the week of your choice.”

#levihan #levi ackerman #hange zoe #levi x hange #levihan fanfiction

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jazajas · 5 years ago

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okay so i finished love, victor a while ago and i saw some other reviews and thoughts about it here so now i've got a pretty good list on my thoughts and feelings.

tl;dr: it has some issues, yes, but im gonna hold out and hope it gets better later on because the same thing happened with the first few eps, i wasn't that into it but then it got good, and nothing is ever great with the first season, because at that point we're getting used to those characters.

⚠️caution: spoilers ahead (im on mobile, i cant get an under-the-cut)⚠️

1. while a leah on the offbeat movie would have been amazing movie sequel (even tho i havent read the book yet, im just here for the wlw content) i am kind of glad we got this instead. mostly because I've seen book series where one movie was good, so they decide to do the rest, turn out bad (hunger games? divergent? percy jackson? the hobbit?) because so much was cut from the book-to-first movie writing, that other scenes wouldn't make sense to future movies if they had those in while cutting others. however, i am sad that i didn't get to make the choice of deciding whether what was cut was wrong etc. about future movies, but i'll take what i can get.

2. LGBTQ+ POC as a lead! that's amazing! as a ace/bi lantina that's close to home (it also is great that victor's from texas and so is ya gorl) and even then it's a mixed latinx family! i think pilar mentioned that at least the grandmother left Colombia and i saw the Puerto Rican flag in victor's room. also the salazar's are definitely from small town texas, even without knowing the name. (church barbeques, the use of the words "such a diverse city" in regards to atlanta)

3. a lack of actual lgbtq+ main storylines (so far) is kind of sad for a show like this. i was getting serious bi/pan vibes (as a lot of other people) from victor from the beginning, and when it was implied that victor was actually gay (while great, not shaming) as it has been brought to my attention, there was a lot of looking at a lot of straight relationship problems (please let us know more about benji)- edit 6/18: upon further consideration, it very much is a show about questioning your sexuality, I'm speaking about the other straight relationship issues, not mia and Victor's, its just the first season.

4. let us talk about cheating for a sec. never okay, in any circumstance. i feel sorry for mia that she saw victor making out with benji and the fact that he was doing any of that in the first place. victor made a choice to lie about the espresso machine and then kissed benji at the hotel and then when benji was fighting with derek, basically confessed his love and mistakes, then proceeded to makeout with benji after he broke up with derek, he built that grave and now he must lie in it. i get having feelings for a guy when you are in a relationship with a girl, and not accepting yourself enough to end that relationship but you really want it to work so you can be "normal". really, he should have told mia after he got back from the trip tho. i get being in highschool and doing stupid stuff and making dumb decisions, but for a show aimed at teens i think we should also remind said teens to make good choices even if we have to lose some realism within the character choices.

4. pilar and her decisions based off her brother pissed me off. because i honestly think that if she'd kept her mouth shut about what she knew or confronted victor about it in the first place we could have avoided a LOT of mess. did she not learn from snooping around her mother's business about her relationships that going behind a person's back doesnt end well? i did, however, like the pilar/felix friendship and was really kind of hoping that they'd get together during their coffee hangout (although now im glad that didn't happen) because they had a deeper understanding of each other. same with wendy/felix, although they do seem to much alike to work out in the long run but i still feel bad for wendy.

5. i don't know how i feel about lake and andrew, as people separate from each other. both seem to be the way they are from their upbringing (not confirmed why andrew is such an ass, but if his comment about his dad is anything to go by i bet it's got something to do with attention) but andrew seems to be less, idk, superficial? like he turned down mia because he didn't want to be a rebound, he didn't out victor, he actually stood up to early teasing the other dudes in the lockerroom were doing at victor (with teasing of his own obviously but that interaction had him on my nice list until much later). lake? lake. i honestly don't have an opinion of her? not really. i mean after hanging out with pilar i was hoping felix wouldn't go back to lake. is her name laken? i feel like her full name is laken. but they also played the "im only like this because my mom is really superficial about stuff and i do like the geeky nice guy but appearances" to "actually screw the norms im gonna makeout with him infront of the whole student body". i honestly thought she was gonna be bi because she kept hitting on mia when she was helping set up for her "date" and "big night" and there was one point where i saw her face fall at something mia said in relation to her and idk i was hoping she'd be bi (i figured early on that victor/mia wasnt gonna work and was like "oh mia/lake would be cute" but now idk.

6. okay on to the "big night", i have one word. NO. i didn't like the peer pressure into having sex. i agreed with felix when he said "your body your choice" but im also disappointed that victor made out with mia and when lake was talking to felix after victor left he didn't try to stand up for victor.

7. on to age gaps because i hadn't really thought of this at first. we'll start with benji/derek: WHAT GRADE IS BENJI?! because that determines my thoughts. if he's a sophomore that meant that he and Derek started dating benji's freshman year and thats eugh, don't do that, don't care if its a gay couple that shouldn't be happening because the maturity of the two characters is DRASTICALLY different (this is also a reason i am not a fan of cmbyn) but that would explain why they were so rocky. hoping the event at the gay bar was open to anyone not just for drinking, but not liking that fact that not one of the adults with victor were like: hey, this is a 16 year old, that's kind of wack when that dude was hitting on victor. that made me question some stuff. although i figure it might be making up for the lack of a gay bar scene in love, simon. but even then, in svthsa it's a restaurant with a bar that some people go to just to drink at, it wasn't just a bar, simon could be there but should NOT have accepted drinks from college kids, not matter how attractive.

8. i loved how bram and simon and their friends helped victor out though. i like how bram was like: hey i know my friends are a lot so here's a gay basketball league becaue there's no one way to be gay. i like how Simon talked about needing help himself just to help victor and how he said his friends were cool with it because it's a community. i like of justin(?) mentioned how being what his parents wanted was putting on a mask and pretending, not him doing drag. my favorite lines from that ep are: "and before you ask my pronouns are they/them/theirs" "'they're all gay? even that guy? he's like [insert really tall number]' 'yeah. you should see him in heels'" "or in simon's case: really unathletic" "and also because bram said that if i wore [the jean jacket] one more time he'd burn it". also katya was there. and the group hug too!

9. the back hand homophobia in relation to family is sad, but realistic and i sincerely hope his parents are kind enough not to be too harsh on victor because of it. anything they say that isn't positive or supportive of victor is bad but i hope they realize that there is more to him than that and that they can come to terms with it because it's not always that hard to be a part of that community and super religious. i am biromantic and catholic. and while there are some things i wont agree on my mom with, i know that it's more of a strike against God for kicking out gay kids from families than it is to be gay, because those parents were given trust by GOD to love those kids no matter what, and be good parents. so in the end, the parents are wrong and harmful and in the case of christians against jesus's teachings to love everyone.

10. this is fan speculation but dont think simon/bram are going through a rough patch? i honestly think it'd be a little cruel to the characters to have on of their actors be producing but then not have that relationship stay. and while it's not set in stone and obviously things happen in the real world, we have no proof script wise about there being a rift. all we have are bad photoshopped ig photos and scenes where two characters are never standing next to each other probably beccaue schedules never link up correctly for minor characters. who knows, maybe nick robinson was filming for a movie where is does have an even more major role than victor's gay guru in a series about victor so his filming time was around that. im gonna keep hope that things are okay.

11. that being said: we need more mainstream wlw content, because someone said it earlier and it really does seem to be catering to straight girls. i'll admit i did freak out when benji played call me maybe which is something i associated with him and victor but then kissed a guy because who wouldn't? we get that serenade and sweetness and then it'a ripped from us. but i did mellow out. if i flipped later it was because victor was making dumb decisions and i had to give myself a moment of compsure before i continued.

in the end, i'd say that there is a lot of growth this series needs to go through, but i also know that some people just aren't going to like it and i get that. but i also know that sometimes the best of stories have rocky starts, nothing is ever perfect from the beginning. and besides, further seasons are on hold until we figure out this covid thing, which means that you bet they're gonna be looking at our feedback. they saw what we thought before, they can do it again

i really did like it but we need more ACTUAL lgbtq+ relationship stuff from this series and better decisions on what we are teaching the younger generations, as well as what we want to focus on and realism within characters. i'm giving it an 8/10, because there is always room for growth and i really hope we get better things out of this than what we have been given in season 2.

edit: someone mentioned it really seeming like it was meant for Disney+ and i felt that. also to anyone who reaches the tags agter reading ALL OF THIS: i am sorry

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cowboypossume · 5 years ago

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so i reread keeper of the lost cities and here’s my fresh input:

a note before we begin: you know how people fake throw up at things on tik tok? this book is the reason i now unironically do that.

dex and fitz really have the enemies to lovers troupe going for them and i’m ok with it. i really am.

so do sophie and biana at the beginning but it fizzes out so a better description is enimies to friends to lovers

marhella and stina give me such power top energy i cannot express how much i think that contributes to people not liking them

speaking of stina i wish sophie didn’t just immediately hop onto the bandwagon of “oh she’s evil” without investing further, especially with how much she is written as a ‘good’ person (which i can and will defend to the day i die that good people don’t exist but that’s for a different day).

there’s way too much heteronormativity and Patriarchical Ideas mushed into the book. like three hole pages of a 488 page book of teenagers being like “oooooo girls like guys and guys like girls” only for della to join in. not to mention the amount of times keefe is the reason for those ideas because he’s teasing like “oh fitz has a girlfriend”

keefe and fitz didn’t have as many bonding moments™️ in this book as i remember, but they stil know each other really well, have comfortability around each other, and would make a 10/10 best friends to lovers troupe.

oh my god s o many crushes i swear. like two teenagers of the opposite gender really can’t not like each other apperantly

i miss read a line and really thought there was cannon sexism for me to do a whole ass rant about in the notes part of my analyzation but n o p e

but we do have classism, sexist stereotypes, and the fact that there’s been SO many characters who’ve spoken and ✨🌺far too many of them are white🌺✨

oh also: no ones disabled. which annoys me because their society is described as ‘euptopic’ almost implying that it’s something that makes people problematic, which,,,, no

ok a side note on the society, i understand that the story’s message (kinda) is that things that seem perfect are probably deeply flawed, but something tergan said stuck with me. on a page i can’t remember at the moment he says something like “[the black swan exists] in a society that doesn’t have rebels”, which it suck with me bc that’s boarderline dystopic if it’s not there already. it’s one thing for laws not to be broken, but when you think your society is so perfect despite it having obvious flaws and you think that no one rebels, then i really hate to break it to you, you have a massive rebellion about to occur; it’s just scented as foul under your resplendent nose.

please stop flirting. i get its part of teenagers being teens but i swear if i read “s/he realeased a breath” or “their heart fluttered” or literally ANYTHING like that god no.

yall. i missed dex. he actually has more role in this book than ‘you can gadget and we need one’ and oh boy i really missed him. he’s a BEAN and deserves better.

hole’s said everyone deserves better and i absolutely agree so we’re adding that note here.

if you do what i did and read this book out loud to one of your best friends who has no clue anything about this weird fandom and give fitz a really deep voice for no reason it’s comdy GOLD.

i really think i’m reading too much into this point but iggy seems,,,, symbolic to me?

like ok with humans, sophie didn’t ‘fit in’, right? like she grew up hearing things like “why can’t you be normal like your sister” (which i can do a whole other rant about how that will affect her for the rest of her life just a s k)

not to mention looking really different from her family and graduating high school at age twelve

but you know who never judged her?

m a r t y

so anyway sophie meets this teal-eyed, movie star smiled wonder boy who takes away her entire knowledge of everything she’s known while taking away her family too

and it turns out even in a place of weirdos she still manages to be the exception to everything

and she doesn’t have the comfort to hear what people are really thinking about her anymore (which as i said before say the word and i’ll deadass write a whole speech about how everything she heard will completely fuck up every relationship she has) which unfortunately means that she grew used to confirming people didn’t like her but now she doesn’t have that

she has to adapt to this new space and feel like she’s always felt, like an outcast in a place that was accepting, but yet again, she the exception to everything

but about halfway through the book she starts to become more comfortable around grady and edaline and that’s when iggy comes in

she finds him while cleaning garbage, and grady compliments her. they have a bonding moment and it’s because of this t h i n g. and then sophie actually feels proud not only does she take up a room, but she did something

and her new parents are proud of her

so she finally feels like she BELONGS because she helped out at the place where she lives/they work

to me it seems iggy is kinda a manifesto of the world building and character development that happens in this book

i think the plot/character arc is fixated a little too much on how different sophie is. like, i get it, she’s exception to everything, but the plot really didn’t need her to be that quirky. yes, she’s different, but there’s a lot more to the plot and her character than how different she is.

also, i had to reread pages a lot bc i needed an exact paragraph number and,,,, it’s really paced like a fanfic

some questions i have about the society is:

it’s established that they use books, physical papers, etc., and the only thing i remember about trees is the speech alden gave her about how she doesn’t know the name of their most popular tree, and the fact that people become trees when they die. even then i don’t think the second one is in this book. never o n c e do i remember something about planting trees that aren’t dead elf’s, so do they feel the affects of deforestation and that jazz?? like if they use trees, will they run out of them? can they??? and do they use the coffins of elf’s for paper??

this is more of a rant than a question, but here it goes anyway. in foxfire, students have a testing system very similar to the one in america: a huge test at the end of the year determines the future of a student. that in of itself doesn’t sound too drastic, right? well,,,,, not necessarily. several studies have shown that tests in general, but especially these types, don’t work. despite how good or bad of a teacher i think my past and current teachers have been, every single one of them hates this system that we have in place. they know it’s an unfair assessment that does it’s damnist to make you fail, and they’re trying so hard to denounce it. however, that doesn’t happen at all in the lost cities. in fact, most of the teachers pride themselves on failing students. so if elf’s are in such an advanced society, why do tests still exist? especially in an environment where the consequences are far greater than just staying back a grade.

so sophie’s figuring out that major problems exist in the world the elf’s created, right? i wonder if more society structured problems exist more than ‘oh bad people do things and the law justifies which is what’. like, as i’ve previously stated, there’s sexist stereotypes presented (like girls like dresses and guys don’t), but does sexism still exist? does racism exist? it’s established that poverty isn’t a thing because of the fund elf’s have at birth and their limited usage of money (which if you understand please explain bc i don’t really get how they buy stuff but still don’t use money) but if someone gets shipped off to exile, do they lose their money? is it possible for elf’s to starve to death because they can’t afford food? do they pay for food?? if they did starve who would they call? because someone on this website, who’s post i tried to find but i couldn’t so if y’all know what i’m talking about please link it, brought up a good point that elwin is a school physician, he shouldn’t be dealing with the near-death experiences sophie has, so who would they turn to? especially if they don’t have access to foxfire because they got exciled??

is therapy a thing in this world? sophie and dex could really benefit from it, yet mental health has only been brought up when someone went insane, which REALLY shows how little they think about it.

that perfectly transitions into my next point: sophie and dex’s trauma. i really don’t get the vibe that there was much thought going into their kidnapping, other than sophie needed something to trigger her inflecting ability and establish the black swan are on the good side, which really sucks because wow trauma doesn’t happen lightly. and the fact that it happened seems rushed to me, but i’ll come back to that. but anyway, their trauma doesn’t get developed that deeply in this book because it wasn’t given the space to. they were beaten, tortured, starved, gagged, and who even knows what else for t e n d a y s, only for them to find them again, repeat the process, but someone saves them and dumps them into an illegal city and they both nearly die from dehydration, coldness, and lack of concentration, and you’re telling me after three days of conscious of bed rest sophie wants to get her failing out of school over with? ma’am, it takes more time than that to adjust to THAT alone, not to mention the realization that “hey your entire life is fake because people genetically altered you to be their weapon in a war so much bigger than yourself” that was recently dumped on her. like,,,, you really expect me to think that three days is what made her feel prepared and CONFIDENT? no sir. i don’t buy it.

coming back to it being rushed: the book starts out slow and then really hits the ground running and doesn’t stop. so much more stuff happens in the second half of the book than the first and it never gets fully developed it feels like. in the first half sophie moves away but gets a new family and struggles a bit but adapts, fires maybe but hey don’t worry about it, dex hates fitz, fitz is ✨d r e a m y ✨ but our main girl doesn’t like him like that, right?, stina’s a bitch, and sophie is a quirky girl and telepath but can’t tell anyone. pretty basic stuff, not too plot intensive. the second half though: sophie almost fails her midterms but doesn’t, grady and elaine want to unadopt her (which that’s never really explained as to why they do that but ok) fires exist in san degio but they’re fine but they’re actually a rebel elf so..., sophie accidentally breaks a law but it was an accident so it’s fine, update on the fires: sophie burns herself trying to get the evidence that it’s a rebel elf and it works, she’s the moon lark and basically a weapon bc no one knows her well enough to evaluate her safety, sophie and dex get kidnapped but fitz can now transmit to her and she has two new abilities so it’s all good, trauma doesn’t exist except for nightmare you can fix with sedatives, sophie doesn’t fail out of school, and yayyy her family doesn’t want her remove their adoption. there’s probably a lot more that i missed, it’s just that’s a LOT of stuff crammed into a little bit further than the second half of the book that really could have been devolped or explore further instead of forcing into less than 244 pages, ya know?

fitz’s eyes are mentioned seven times, the first time being on page TWO of the novel

his smile is mentioned three times

alden says “no reason to worry” five times, he writes it once, and sophie points out he says it a lot so he chances it slightly to something like ‘don’t stress about it’ so i didn’t count those though i should have

speaking of alden, in this book he’s absolutely creepy, but something that stands out to me is how much he calls sophie girl. i didn’t count it, but he said “that’s a good girl” to sophie too many times for it to be normal especially when you consider how he doesn’t do it to anyone else.

i kinda forgot i was annotating for sophie’s anxious habit of pulling out her eyelashes so i got she did it twice, but i highly doubt that number

but i will keep adding to this when i actually do the words with my annotations.

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fragmentwitch · 4 years ago

Text

Higurashi Gou Episode 16 transcribed scene is below. I have done my best to describe everything so you can have a gist of how the scene is unfolding, but minimal detail on the graphic imagery the best I could.

For normal viewing of the rest of the episode, skip to 15:10ish. Other than that, enjoy and read to craft interpretations as you wish.

The calendar shows Sunday June 12, 1983.

Rika seems asleep in her futon, looking sweaty with flushed red cheeks as she breaths shallowly. The sun is setting outside as the evening cicadas can be heard.

Satoko: Oh my, you're finally awake. It's almost sundown.

Satoko is crouched down close to Rika's face.

Rika: Satoko? I...

Satoko: You were tossing and turning so much. You must have had a terrible nightmare.

Rika seems out of breath and is struggling to speak. Smiling to an unsettling degree of tranquility, Satoko puts a hand on Rika's cheek and continues using a calm tone.

Satoko: My, you have quite the fever. I'll stay here by your side until you feel better, if that's alright.

Rika: Satoko... [tearing up] Why? Why is this happening to me? [The shot shifts to a side view of Rika, lying down still under her futon as she begins sobbing. Satoko's expression is unchanged.]

Satoko: Poor Rika. I don't know what you were dreaming about... [she moves to wipe the tears with a thumb, but her expression becomes serious as she sits up.] But surely you know your dreams are important.

Rika: Eh?

Satoko: your dreams are the way they are for a reason. A very important reason, Rika.

Rika: [Shocked] A reason? What kind of reasoning justifies being tortured by these horrible tragic realities?!

Satoko: You don't know why you suffer through terrible dreams night after night?

Rika: Satoko? What are you... [Rika cuts herself off and squeezes her eyes shut, seemingly in great pain] My body... everything hurts!

Satoko: these horrible dreams are torturing you and you still don't know the reason why?

[Rika doesn't seem to be listening, she throws her head back as if she wants to scream. Satoko keeps talking without batting an eye.]

Rika: what's going on?

Satoko: Rika, you've been cursed.

Rika: C-cursed? What do you mean? [She cries out in pain and begins to squirm under the futon] why?! I can't move! What's happening?!

Satoko: Oh, you mean this? [Grips the futon and lifts it up.

Rika gasps in horror before a moment of total silence. Her belly is cut open and she lets out a terrified scream. The coloring has changed from gentle orange to a bright red that increasingly saturates the color palette.

Satoko: Now, Rika... it's time for the Watanagashi ritual. [She finally smiles, and rakes her nails into the side of her neck once.]

Rika: th-the watanagashi ritual?

Satoko: you know why we perform it, yes? It's the only way to quell the wrath of Oyashiro-sama's curse.

Satoko does not move and remains seated. An odd thing to note here is that a single strand of hair on her head moves forward/downward by itself and is plainly visible.

Rika: you keep saying curse... why? [Winces in pain again]

Satoko: It seems the painkiller has completely worn off. [Stands up and presents a tray containing a vial of liquid, a syringe, 2 scalpels with different blade heads, and scissors. These are surgical-grade tools that are spotless and no blood is visible. There is blood on the underside of the white futon.] I'll give you the last of it then... wouldn't want you to be in pain.

Rika: Satoko...! [She lets out some noises upon being injected]

Satoko, smiling eerily again: Rest easy. Coach has ne injecting myself daily so I'm quite familiar with needles. [...] There, you're not in any pain now, yes?

Rika: Sa...toko... you said my nightmares are Oyashiro-sama's curse. What do you mean?

Satoko: I received a revelation from Oyashiro-sama, you see.

Rika: Revelation...?

Satoko stands up, but her face is obscured by a shadow and her mouth a flat line.

Satoko: He told me you're no longer fit to be His priestess. As such... [single scratch movement before walking off screen and returning with the ritual hoe.]

Rika looks up at her in terror.

Satoko: In Oyashiro-sama's grand revelation, He appointed me as His new priestess. [Scratch]

Rika: Satoko! [Tearing up] That Oyashiro is just a hallucination! The syndrome is making you hear things! It's all in your head!

Satoko: Rika... [raises the hoe over her head with an emotionless expression] Watch as I perform the offertory dance. You must come to terms with the truth, Rika. This nightmare was not foisted upon you on a whim.

Rika: Satoko... please stop...!

Satoko: You have sinned, Rika... and this is your eternal punishment! [Her face is still neutral here.]

With little hesitation after, Satoko brings down the hoe. Rika goes wide-eyed and cries out halfway, staring up at the ceiling and not Satoko directly as she pulls the tool back up.

Rika, whimpering as she begs: No more... please, stop... what curse? Why am I being punished? I didn't do anything to deserve this!

Satoko, frowning with her brows furrowed: No, Rika. Not only did you violate one of Oyashiro-sama's precepts, you did so as his priestess.

Rika: I did? When...?

Satoko, dropping the hoe onto the floor to crouch down again: Rika, for a long, long, long time... (her serious look shifts to an overtly angry one) you've sinfully wished to abandon Hinamizawa and get away, even while performing His sacred offertory dance!

Rika: eh?

A flashback in monochrome occurs to an unknown point in the future (or the past, for St. Lucia Rika). Rika and Satoko are wearing seifuku similar to what Rena wears, but identical in style and color. Satoko's back is turned to the camera so her face is now shown at all. Rika turns toward her with a smile on her face, holding a book as they stand in the middle of what looks to be a library or a bookstore.

Satoko: I cannot think of a more shameful act His priestess could commit!

Rika, in her deeper voice and off-screen as flashbacks to the original fragments play in monochrome, begins to speak.

Rika: Right. For the hundreds and hundreds of times I looped through 1983... I was no more than a bird trapped in a cage called Hinamizawa. I wanted to get out, fly away. That was my only wish. So when...

Another monochrome scene, except this is from the ending of Matsuribayashihen where Takano clings to Tomitake, crying as she calls to him. The club are all present, including Hanyuu in her corporeal form. We can't see their expressions as their backs are turned, but Rika is smiling here.

Takano: Jiro-san... Jiro-san...!

Tomitake: Sorry I'm late. I'm here to take you home.

Rika: when I finally broke out of that 100-year cycle of tragedy...

Rika, in her cute voice as the shot goes back to her in the bookshelves with Satoko: There's something I've secretly dreamed of doing for a long, long time. [Books on the shelf are Entrance Exam Study guides. Presumably these are high school entrance exams that determine where a student can solicit enrollment to a particular school. Rika's choice was most likely St. Lucia's. This means Rena, Shion/Mion, and K1 likely are upperclassmen in high school who have left the youngest behind in the village school.]

Older Rika: I chose to leave Hinamizawa.

The flashback ends. Rika begins crying and laughing. Satoko isn't visibly mad anymore but looks either disappointed or detached.

Rika: I've heard crazy things from people with Hinamizawa Syndrome before, but this one really hits home.

Satoko: [picks up the hoe] the oinly way to cleanse you of your sin is to perform the Watanagashi ritual.

Note: The camera pans out to show Rika laying on the floor. While the bloodstain on the futon is drawn in the usual style of liquid, the blood that splattered beyond it and onto the floor to the left side of the screen is of a more realistic detail, which we have seen before in previous scenes. Interestingly, no static flakes or vignette has been seen this entire time, and never shows up throughout. There isn't any realistic splatter on the right side even though the futon's stain exhibits a splatter pattern that would otherwise stain into the floor.

Satoko raises the hoe again, but she has her head down with her eyes shut.

S: I'm sorry... but this is the only way! I'll perform it in your stead! [Tears stream down her face. Rika stares up silently.] I'll cleanse Rika's sins by offering Him your entrails!

She swings down.

The cicadas keep singing. But the shot of their house is entirely saturated in red, with the linework in black. Satoko continues swinging down the hoe, teary-eyed and looking troubled.

Satoko: Rika, why? Why would you dream of something that would anger Oyashiro-sama? If your heart had stayed in Hinamizawa... [swing] then His curse would have never befallen you! [Swing]

Rika, still alive: My... heart...?

Satoko drops the hoe, looking heartbroken at her.

S: It's all your fault. Without you, I wouldn't have had to do this... i wouldn't have had to quell His wrath by finding everyone from club... [she scratches with both hands] and sacrificing them!

Rika: i see. This world that was to be my last, was over before it even began.

Satoko: This is all your fault Rika! You're Oyashiro reborn, aren't you?! Why would you do this?! Why?! [She scratches again, tears streaming down her face]

Rika doesn't reply, she just stares at the ceiling. Satoko finally collapses into a sobbing mess, but continues the ritual bare-handed. Rika doesn't scream but chokes out noises of evident agony.

Satoko: Why, why, why? Why would you violate his precepts? I've had to spill so much blood! [Continuing to pull while Rika's head is thrown back from the pain] What about Keiichi-san, Rena-san, Mion-san or Shion-san?

Rika starts to let out screams of agony while Satoko keeps talking.

Satoko: Didn't you enjoy your time with them here in Hinamizawa?! [She cries so much she has to choke back air.] And here I thought Rika would love it just as much as I did...

Satoko moves over Rika, before picking her upper body up into a hug.

Satoko, sobbing as she holds her: What about it wasn't to your liking?

Rika remembers many fun times here in monochrome of all her club activities with everyone, especially her smiling with Satoko and holding hands with her (there's even little circles surrounding them that you see in sparkly cute anime scenes.)

Rika, clinging to life, slowly looks over at Satoko before tearing up silently.

Satoko: What about everyone outside club? All of your classmates are friends you have fun with, too. And all the villagers are so kind to you. So why? Why? Why abandon Hinamizawa?! It's not just Oyashiro-sama who's sad about it! I'm sad too! The thought that the days in Hinamizawa I enjoyed and loved so much meant nothing to you, Rika...

The shot closes in on Rika's tearful eye that begins to close.

S: ... is so sad... too saddening to bear! (She full-on starts to wail.)

Young Rika voice: Why did I began to hate Hinamizawa in the first place?

Older Rika Voice: the answer is simple.

The shot fades to black before cutting to a young Rika standing in a black void with her hair swaying in the wind. Standing far away from her is her older self, with her St. Lucia's uniform.

Older Rika: I was trapped here for the longest time.

Younger R: Yes. That's why the moment I was released from this curse...

Older R: I wanted to get out of this hick town, enroll at a fancy wonderful school, and live a sophisticated life. Was it so wrong to dream of that?

Young Rika: 100 years. A century trapped here.

As if on cue, the void is replaced with bright colorful scenery of the Hinamizawa countryside, Rika letting out a small grunt of surprise.

Young Rika: what was it I disliked about Hinamizawa?

Older Rika: I didn't dislike it at all. The tragedies that tortured me, the series of mysterious murders, they were brought about by people plotting and clashing with each other.

Younger Rika: there were times I was having so much fun, I barely felt time passing. There were times I was lost in despair, sobbing on the floor. No matter what, Hinamizawa had me wrapped in its warm embrace.

Older Rika: Despite that, when peace returned after 100 years of grief, and Hinamizawa smiled, knowing I could finally stay here without worry...

Younger Rika wells up and cries into her hands. "I... I... I wished to be rid of this podunk village... I would I want something so stu--"

Suddenly we are cut back into the current time with a loud noise. Satoko has begun to pull out whatever is left in Rika's cavity.

Satoko: This is a curse. [Pull] Your curse.

The pulling continues until Rika is able to speak up.

Rika: I'm sorry. I was wrong.

Satoko stops in shock, and looks at her. "Rika?!"

Rika: if you'd go this far, Satoko... I finally realize...

Satoko: All I want is to live here in Hinamizawa with you, Rika. I don't need anything else.

Satoko's tone is emotive here but the camera doesn't show her expression, only Rika's as she stares off into space while crying.

Rika: Yeah. I'm sorry.

The camera finally shows Satoko crying just as much, smiling but looking sad herself.

Satoko: It's all right! I'm sure your words of repentance will grant you Oyashiro-sama's forgiveness!

Rika: I won't make that mistake again...

Her fingers press down until the last bloody finger, which closes into a fist. The scene cuts out with a snap that echoes off-screen. This is the 15:13 mark, and the rest of the episode may be viewed without concern of grotesque injury.

I hope this is of use to anyone wishing to revisit the episode for specific dialogue without having to rewatch this any further. Personally I have a strong stomach when need be but I always get queasy with such how much the gore here was drawn out... it's sort of a torture unto itself with the sound effects and voice acting.

#higurashi gou #higurashi no naku koro ni #rika furude #satoko houjou #credit is appreciated but not necessary!#higurashi 2020 #higurashi

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mutalune · 5 years ago

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Hey! I hope November is treating you better than October! (Other than the first tuesday. It lasted like a whole week! Crazy!) Do you have any branching stories of your AU? Like would Izuku’s birthday phone call have happened in the original universe? What if Aizawa had a password from Nedzu so he could approach him early? That the time travel aspect of your fic was so ... ill-prepared? is absolutely fascinating. Finally, yours is so good that I’m even recounting it to Datemate! Ihopethismakesit!

first off plz tell your datemate that i said hi because that’s so fucking cute and i hope they’re enjoying the recounting

second off november is going MILES better than october thank you so much for the well-wishes <3

third off thank you??? for your kind words???? seriously appreciate it so much <3

okay onto the fun stuff - i don’t have anything written that’s branching off from the AU, but i have Ideas if you’re interested in hearing them!! (i’m gonna try not to spoil future things in my fic and not give too much away but i’m also Dumb so read at your own risk lmao)

izuku and his dad - AU vs OU

in general, the way i view a lot of the stuff with izuku’s dad is that if izuku had been even a teensy-bit more genuine with his dad in the Original Universe, his relationship with his dad would be way different than the Original Universe. i see the OU relationship between them as unmatured - Hisashi cared about izuku in the OU as well, but he never looked deeper into izuku’s life other than a cursory “oh he’s doing well, his grades are good, he’s healthy, he made it into the high school he wanted.”

and that’s because in the OU, izuku only had all might and his mom as role models. Inko gave him kindness and strength and determination. all might gave him hope and something to aspire towards.

all of that makes the wonderful being that is Canon Deku and i do adore that boy, but Hisashi does Not Like All Might and he wouldn’t be able to handle a tiny deku’s gushing over the hero that destroyed his quality of life. and deku hadn’t been socialized enough to talk about anything EXCEPT all might or heroes - a consequence of having no friends except your busy working mom.

so even if izuku had been open in the OU to a relationship with hisashi (which i don’t think he was, because i think without aizawa there to help him be confident, he would default to protecting himself and hiding and he wouldn’t have the safety of aizawa’s love/support to shield him from if hisashi had rejected him in any way - better to stay away than risk getting hurt and rejected by the only other adult that was semi-obligated to give a damn about him) - i don’t think hisashi would’ve been open to it himself

(i think i said this in an A/N somewhere but i have literally no idea of when AFO and all might had their Big Blowout Fight in canon, so for my purposes, it happened pre-fic when izuku was 6 lmao)

Hisashi has some amount of trauma from that fight - who wouldn’t after losing their sight and most of their face? - the same that all might does, even if we don’t see all might explore that very much. and as someone who has her own trauma, i know i go into “AVOID!!!! AVOID AT ALL COSTS!!!!” mode when i come across any kind of trigger.

multiply that by 100x because it’s Your Son who You Adore More Than Anything Even If You Don’t Know Him That Well Because You Also Have Family Trauma - yeah, i can’t imagine hisashi being comfortable with more than the bare minimum kind of relationship with his all might fanboy son.

SO THAT WAS A REALLY LONG WAY OF SAYING: yes, the phone call would’ve happened, but it would have been:

“hey happy birthday”

“thanks”

“how’s school”

“it’s fine. how’s america”

“it’s fine. americans, ya know.”

*awkward silence*

“okay talk to you next year.”

regarding nedzu and aizawa

honestly that’s one of those things i hadn’t even considered when writing this fic if i’m being honest. like the whole reason i started thinking about writing this fic was “how can i give aizawa a tiny izuku to protect and care for without killing inko or making her a Terrible Mother” because that was most of the fics i was seeing (which are all still fun to read don’t get me wrong but i like inko and i like writing women and i am a lesbian who Loves Women!!!!) and i just started writing and THEN made the plot and actual details fit with the first 5 chapters i wrote lmao

i think, though, that nedzu is such a wildcard. like i haven’t read the manga so maybe he’s more understandable in that, but it seems to me like his motivations aren’t very clear. he’s not really a dumbledore-type figure in my eyes - he’s not the general of the battle against the LOV, even if he has authority and has a position and has the intelligence, ya know?

he’s very inscrutable to me, and he has his own bias and own motivations that are intriguing to consider - but i can’t imagine aizawa trusting a past-version of nedzu to work towards the same goals he’s working towards.

like, aizawa thinks he’s logical. but at the end of the day, i write him as a “loved ones comes first, the world comes second” character. and whether he can admit it to himself or not, he knows that nedzu would put the world first.

and it would scare him that nedzu might see izuku (or any of his students, or hizashi, or nemuri) as expendable if that means avoiding the future aizawa came from. with nedzu being as smart as he is and as inscrutable as he is, aizawa could end up as his pawn towards whatever *nedzu* thinks is the best course of action, even if he was completely honest with nedzu.

this is something that i don’t think has come up yet, but aizawa *knows* he’s not the smartest guy. like he knows he’s not an idiot, but he knows that hizashi is WAY smarter than him, and he knows that he wouldn’t be able to beat nedzu in a game of checkers, let alone a life-size game of war.

i could see a version where aizawa gets all might’s help and has some sort of “i know this thing that you never told anyone else, i’m from the future, help” type of password, or i could see him doing it with just about any other pro-hero or any of his students, but i really can’t see a version where he would enlist nedzu first. i think he would want to set some of his plans in motion that even with all of his intelligence, nedzu wouldn’t be able to stop.

(does aizawa even have plans? no he doesn’t, which means he would wait to involve nedzu until he came up with a plan, but he can’t come up with a plan b/c he is Not a Strategic Thinker, so he keeps fixing small problems and saying that when he comes up with a plan he’ll call nedzu, and then he’s fighting the LOV singlehandedly because he’s a moron.)

aizawa isn’t a big picture guy, to me. he’s the best and worst person to send back in time because of it lmao - he’s the best because he is smart and sneaky and (if he had all of the right information) he would find the easiest, quickest solution. he’s the worst because he would be the guy who, given the chance to go back in time and stop someone from destroying the world, he would go “okay i’ll just kill that guy before he becomes a Big Huge Villain” and then not realize “oh wait that just means someone else will step in a fill the void and now i don’t know who that guy is so that’ll be harder and all of my future knowledge is For Nothing” (cough CHISAKI cough)

WOW THIS IS SO LONG i hope if you read it all the way to the end you enjoyed my babbling or at least didn’t hate it enough that you won’t ever open my fic ever again~

in all seriousness, thank you for your ask and thank you for giving me a chance to babble about some of this stuff because i have BIG OPINIONS and a lot of thought has gone into this AU and what the OU of my AU (that is in and of itself a canon divergence/AU of canon lmao) would look like. it was really fun to dive into this onto a medium that isn’t just another document on my google drive~

i hope you’re having a lovely november and if you do anything for the holiday season, you have fun with it~! (also plz feel free to stop in and chat more/ask more if you want to!!! i’m trying to be better about being on tumblr more often lol)

#shmoo92 #starlight fandom #starlight ask #starlight personal #you are a sweetheart and i had so much fun writing this ngl #hope this actually answered your questions i didn't really check to see if i stayed on prompt lmaooo #i could talk about aizawa all day tbh i Love This Tired Man

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