#granted she's struggling in SH too but in a different way.

[belovedweighed]

I think if Maria were to leave Silent Hill by some chance, she'd be a fish out of water and would have a difficult time adjusting. I can't see her working a day job and she'd really struggle in general.

Also I feel she'd be kinda stilted and awkward when interacting with people on a day to day basis, she's not used to a lot of social interaction.

[alluringjae]

all i do is wait - kdy

All I Do Is Wait | So Close

⤑ summary: one day, kim doyoung was alive. the next, he wasn’t. he left you and the world too soon, but he made a promise: to look out and wait for you until the very end.

⤑ pairing: doyoung x female reader

⤑ word count: 22.7k

⤑ genre: angst (so much longing), major slow burn, fluff (if you squint really well), slight unprotected smut (not my forté) | ghost!doyoung, hotel del luna!au,  slight college!au, 40s to 90s!au (loads of flashbacks)

⤑ warnings: death, grief, explicit language, sexism (screw the patriarchy omfg), mentions and scenes of alcohol, drinking, smoking, war, unplanned pregnancy, childbirth, and abortion, ghost possession of humans (in like one scene only tbh)

⤑ playlist: fly away with me by nct 127 | all about you by taeyeon | doll by baekhyun and doyoung | give you my heart by iu | wait by exo | like a fool by nive and sam kim | falling by harry styles | lovers by anna of the north | fallingforyou by the 1975 | you are the sunshine of my life by stevie wonder

⤑ long author’s note: minors, beware of the warnings! i highly recommend you watch the kdrama beforehand so you would understand the universe, even if majority of the characters are from my imagination. i also did some prior historical research. though there are inaccuracies, this story is just fiction. importantly, i don’t own the hotel del luna series; they serve as the main inspiration but with some of my twists. i’m also bit rough with writing lately, so there’s also room for improvement. overall, prepare your heart.

i cried so much in the process.

italicized texts symbolize conversations in a dream call. *wink* *wink*

⤑ gif above not mine, ctto!  leave me some feedback, constructive criticism or hellos!

After all decades of waiting, it’s finally time.

As a soul still wandering in the living world, Doyoung’s options were limited. To peacefully go ahead into the afterlife or wait for his lover by working in the hotel for ghosts until she passed.

He’d chosen the latter, the betrayal he felt from the deities to have gone so soon.

And leave you behind.

But first, let’s take a trip down Doyoung’s journey; life, death, and after it.

1948

Kim Doyoung came from a well-off family. He was a university student, taking up journalism as a pre-law course. He wanted to right the wrongs and let justice prevail. Blessed by his privilege, he wanted to be of service to others who cannot afford it.

Both of you crossed paths at a university in Busan as seatmates. Right after the South Korean constitution granted women’s rights to education, immediately you aimed high and applied for the top universities in the city. After being homeschooled and self-studying under the books, the opportunity to go to an actual school was like a dream come true especially when you received acceptance letters from all of them.

Your first impression of him was that he was moody and quite snobby. When you politely asked him once if you can take a peek at his notes because you lost track of the professor’s lecture, he refused with an annoyed glare.

“You should try harder then.” You nodded in gratitude anyways, taking those words to encourage you. Though it still stung.

When classes that day concluded, you were so ready to return to the women’s dorm and take a breather from men. Since you were far from your village, maybe you would give a call to your father, your mentor all your life to seek his guidance on your professors’ lessons. Once you found your bike and placing your books on the basket in front, a light tap on your shoulder caught you off-guard and almost made you topple over.

“Oh, sh-”

“Oh my, I’m sorry for scaring you like that.”

When you directed your body to the source, it was none other than Kim Doyoung. He removed his blazer from class, resting it on his arm. He wore these suspenders and leather loafers, sporting the rich, preppy boy look. His eyes looked softer, apologetic by the way he gave a slight pout.

“I wanted to apologize for my behavior earlier. It was rude of me to shun you like that.”

Unfortunately, it was rare to find young men like him to own up to their mistakes When you’re the only woman in that class, the majority of the boys are either snickering with judgment at your presence.

“Women are only meant to stay at home.”

“She’s weak. She won’t last here with the deep, legal terminologies the professors use.” Those insults aren’t new to you.

Doyoung seemed like a plot twist in the social narrative. You were surprised, to say the least, yet relieved.

“Oh, it’s okay. Considering I interrupted you from listening to the professor, I could’ve waited after class or as you said, study harder.” You accepted.

Doyoung still felt awful for his attitude, fiddling his briefcase. He struggled to express himself through words, understanding why many had this impression of him being cold. If he were to be honest, his actual initial impression of you was that you were hardworking and resilient, setting a new example of the modern woman. He thought that being too soft on you in class may look degrading, thus his statement from the class was just him treating you the same way as other boys who don’t study hard enough. Unfortunately, it backfired completely.

As a man who grew up with the belief to always pay respect to everyone without discrimination, he had to make it up to you somehow.

“It’s still wrong of me to say that to you, (Y/N). So-” He trailed on, opening his case to bring out one of his notebooks. Without hesitating, he handed it to you. “I took as many notes from the lecture on fallacies here. If there’s any way I can help you in the future, I’m more than willing to help you.”

This newfound kindness from a boy in this patriarchal university may be the silver lining in your current stay. You weren’t too sure if you would get a chance like this in the coming years, so you gladly took it. Noticing the engraved “K.DY” on the lower right side of it, which were his initials, it’s easy to identify that he was rich. But his attitude was different than the others.

Placing it carefully in the front basket, you steadied your body to the handles and pedals of the bike. “Thank you for this, Doyoung. I will return it to you as soon as possible.”

Knowing he was of help to you, he flashed a gummy smile. “No problem, (Y/N). If you want, we can review it before class too just in case the professor gives another surprise quiz.”

You let out a laugh, being reminded of your horrified face on a previous surprise quiz in the past. “Oh god, I flunked that quiz! Damn him.”

Ever since that conversation, it’s where your friendship started.

Going to university became more enjoyable and less daunting, having Doyoung defend you from other boys (even if you’ve told him so many times that you can handle it). After you found out that Doyoung’s status was more elite than you assumed, a lot of boys wouldn’t want to try and test him since their family lines would be at risk. You had a better focus on your academics, and if it weren’t for you, other girls attending university with you would’ve never thought women students would befriend the men. You were the shift in the narrative.

As lucky as you are to have a female support system in the patriarchal university, you found yourself always hanging out with Doyoung. He was filled with so much compassion in his heart and there were beliefs that you both surprisingly shared in your conservative society, deepening your bond. One of them was the sexist view of women as low-status people. He told you one time that thinking that way is like thinking his loving mother is undeserving of things in life. It’s an unacceptable concept, he added. You even met his mother at some point, and she’s a sweetheart.

Another was having the frustration towards those who shame on women who want to study and learn rather than to submit to the power of men so early in their lives.

“I’m so sick of people telling me to stop studying and settle down with some random boy. There’s just so much to learn out here!” You complained. It was one hot weekend that time, and you were both relaxing under the shade of a big tree by a flowing river. That spot is hidden, thus claiming it as your spot. Doyoung leaned by the tree reading while you rested on his lap. At this point, you’ve grown very comfortable with him. Doyoung sighed, putting his book to discuss his thoughts.

“Agreed. You seriously deserve so much better, (Y/N). People today just don’t get it.”

Huffing away that stress, your head tilted to get a better view of Doyoung.

“Doyoung, do you think things will get better for women in the future?” He admired your hopefulness in times of trouble. Stroking your hair to soothe you, he gave a positive reply.

“If we keep fighting for it, then we’ll progress. So let’s not give up, okay?” Your heart couldn’t help but leap.

As he looked at you with blooming flowers from the tree in the background, it was a matter of time where your initial feelings for him diverted into something more. The concept of butterflies in your stomach was only introduced to Doyoung in novels, but he wondered if it’s the exact feeling he was getting from you. From your intelligence to your sharp tongue to fight back the rude boys, the list goes on all the traits that he liked about you.

Weeks later, the questionable status of your friendship changed after he unexpectedly kissed you for the first time while stargazing at your special spot. It caught you off guard at first as your lips froze, him pulling away immediately. He rubbed the nape of his neck out of embarrassment, struggling to maintain eye contact with you.

“Oh shit. I’m so sorry, (Y/N). I screwed up everything, didn’t I?”

As much as the heat in your cheeks increased, you couldn’t deny that you liked it. You’re bold enough to do it again.

“Nope,” you shook your head at him. “Kiss me again, Doyoung.”

Like a movie, the first snow of the season drizzled down on the two of you.

Feeling braver, he leaned forward again to meet your lips again. You may not be experienced physically since it was your first, but that’s what all those romance novels you’ve browsed through are for. Forget the fireworks, people would compare the ideal kiss. It was more like everything paused so this moment can run on its momentum. Lips still locked, Doyoung gripped your waist so you can sit on his lap. As the friction intensified, his lungs needed to breathe for a second. Pulling away slowly, it was an opportunity to take a good look at you. Flustered, messy hair, swollen lips, he would’ve never known that the feelings were mutual.

“First kiss under the first snow? I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

1950

Dating Doyoung gave you the best two years of your life. He’d bike with you to your spot, recommend you new books to read, cook for you when you’re too lazy to at the dorm, and take you around the city he was ever so familiar with.

“Oh c’mon, let’s try this out!”

You dragged his arm to this new contraption that can take your photos in a flash. This was at an annual city fair, your first time to attend one. Because your small village couldn’t cater to these kinds of events, you beamed with excitement with all the amusement outlets such as rides, games and more. All Doyoung wanted was to eat and play few games, then return. He wasn’t much for photos, but because it was your first, he decided to go for it. Two people couldn’t fit the cushion, so you settled on his lap. One arm wrapped behind his neck, you inserted a few coins to activate the machine.

“So we have a few seconds before it starts, so you better smile, okay?” He ordered you based on the instructions of the machine.

The first shot was matching grins, the second showed your bright smiles, the third let your creativity wild with silly expressions, and the last was him pecking your cheek unexpectedly. The authentic surprise was captured.

“Let’s take another one so you can have a copy.” You insisted, searching through the small pockets of your purse for more coins.

“(Y/N), it’s okay. I don’t want-” He was cut off by the machine activating again as your coins entered inside.

“Too late, smile!” The first shot almost caught Doyoung in a frenzy, but he pulled it off with an open smile. The second expressed your laughter from your slyness, him sporting crinkled eyes when you let your tongue out and placed your hands near the temples of your head to mock him. To sort out your playfulness, Doyoung surprised you by grabbing your wrists to place them back on his shoulders. Without a breath, one free hand tugged you closer and his lips shut you up. You deepened your kiss by leaning forward and fisting the hems of his buttoned-up top. Kissing back was natural, not caring where you were and if the camera snapped your moment of intimacy. Doyoung always liked taming you with his kisses. You didn’t mind making out for a bit in the booth if it weren’t for the loud knocking from the side put a stop to your risqué antics.

“Yah! Take your making out session someplace, other people are waiting outside!”

The both of you could care less, laughing mid-kissing at the disturbance you’ve caused. It’s a thing when you’re young and in love, perhaps. Eventually, innocent kisses ignited an invitation to his bed.

“I’ve never done this before, but I want to do it with you.” You gave your full consent, laying on his soft bed in your undergarments. His entire family went on vacation, so you took advantage of it.

The way he crawled on top of you, his slender hands spreading your legs wide open like another novel waiting to be unraveled. Erotica was a genre you never explored, but Doyoung finds it as his guilty pleasure. Who would’ve known that the most prestigious, gentleman-like man of the university found amusement in sex? His lingering touches intoxicated your entirety, allowing him access. His tongue did you wonders, releasing these sensations you’ve never known was possible. Tugging on his hair as he passionately devoured your core for the first time, this knot in your core unwound and your vision went white for a split second. This rush of pleasure and exhaustion filled your veins, yet you craved more.

That night, giving each other your virginities, marked the first time you declared your love for each other.

Though there are times when dating wasn’t easy either, having prying eyes around you with judgment and the unavoidable stress from university, you’d sort things out in the end. After all, it’s in fights and arguments where you learn more about each other and grow from it.

If someone asked you to settle down already, Doyoung is the first candidate for your hand. You’ve sent letters to your parents talking about him and met his family.

“You’re the only girl who softens him up in this society of uptight men.” His mother whispered when you helped her wash the dishes after dinner.

As much light he brought to your life those two years being together, it turned into the worst and something questionable when the Korean war began.

You vividly remember the day Doyoung admitted to you his enlistment in the South Korean army. It was mandatory for men his age to serve. His dream to pursue law was to be put on hold, especially when schools were closing down. Though he’d try to confide with himself that serving in this war is another way to help his country, his nationalism outweighed his fear of death. Just as long as it brings them closer to a better tomorrow, he was willing.

Unfortunately for you, you were terrified shitless because again, it’s a war. If your childhood wasn’t enough to recall all those painful emotions from the past world war, you didn’t know what would. Being able to survive is a miracle, so there was no way you would let Doyoung go. The ignorance you gave towards him to protect your heart, moving to your aunt and uncle’s home in the same city after the university suspended classes since going back to the village was a big struggle.

So many villages have been bombed already, increasing your anxiety. All you hoped now was to be reunited with your family safely. It’s a good thing though they already left as soon as they could and are on their way to the city. One normal day while you were teaching your younger cousins how to read, there was a knock on the front door. Since your aunt was busy cooking dinner, you took charge to open it in hopes you’ll find your family on the other side.

However, it was none other than that someone you still couldn’t face just yet. He wore the familiar dark green uniform with black combat boots, his fluffy hair fully shaved even it’s covered by his hat. By the dirt on his face, he must’ve trained earlier that day. With a heavy backpack behind him, he’s on his way somewhere but you didn’t know where. You closed the door behind you so you can speak to him privately.

“What are you doing here, Doyoung? How did you find me?”

“I knew you didn’t want to talk for a while, so I gave you space. But today, I found out that I’m going to be stationed in Seoul tomorrow.”

Seoul was where most of the war was happening. Your heart was shattered.

“So I went to your dorm, but your roommate told me you moved out and gave me this address here.” He answered honestly with this new burden to top it off, not having the courage to look you in the eyes to avoid crying. “I needed to see you, (Y/N).”

“Doyoung,” within those times of separation, you re-evaluated if running away from him was the right choice. Even if he tried to convince you of the good things about being in the army, everything always comes at a price. War meant his life was uncertain daily. You just wanted him to yourself, to stay by your side, to help out in the war in other ways, but it would be selfish to stop him from his goals. So you gently embraced him, making him drop his bag to the side. With extreme fear comes your soft whimpers against his chest. Rather than running away so fast, you should’ve mustered all those remaining bits of courage to spend it with him. He must be feeling terrified too.

“I’m just scared for you. War doesn’t guarantee anything. Us surviving world war two is still miraculous.” Doyoung winced at your truthful words as he returned that embrace. There go his tears that he shed almost every night since he told you about his enlistment.

“I had no choice, (Y/N). My family and I would be in big trouble if I didn’t follow orders.”

“I know. I’m sorry I ran away, Doyoung.” You continued to sob as you feel him stroke your hair from behind. He knew well that it was one way to calm you down.

“If only we didn’t live in harsh times like this.” He sighed, longing for the same thing. He cursed whoever decided to make him exist during a painful time. He would trade anything for a more peaceful life.

“Stay here for the night, please.” You pleaded, not wanting to waste any more time.

Your relatives were aware of your relationship, allowing such a request. They trusted you enough to sleep in the same room, knowing all too well the struggles of being love during times like this.

Neither of you held back from the tension that crept into the room. This time, you led him through the first kiss while his body laid flat on the cushion bed. On top, straddling him fully. Leaving him soft kisses on his neck while teasingly unbuttoning his pajama shirt, your fervent lips trailed from his neck, lowering to his sculpted abdomen, until you reached the waistband of his pajama pants.

Only in books did you learn about how to please men, so this may be the only time you can test it out. Doyoung stiffened on your soft kisses on his hard-clothed member, glancing him seductively back and forth when you stuck out your tongue.

“Please,” He begged, tugging on your hair. “Touch me.”

Your lips wrapped around his tip before gently going lower to your limit, and slowly sucked on it back and forth. Whenever you’d want to catch a breathe, you’d lick the tip teasingly. Doyoung groaned, threading his fingers along with your hair. He’s so used to be a giver that receiving these sensations by you beats his hand. It was heavenly, yet so vulgar. The way you swallowed his cum rather than spitting it out even if the taste wasn’t favorable, you were too much in a daze to process how sudden he switched positions. While you sprawled devilishly under him, your fingers looping on his dog tag necklace to bring him lower for a kiss while feeling two of his fingers go under your panties to teasingly play with your slick.

“Don’t t-tease...” You stuttered, clenching at how fast he can get you stimulated with his fingers.

The whole night long was consumed with his body against yours, the wet sounds of deep thrusts and muffled moans praising each other. The following morning, your naked bodies remained entangled. He was still in deep slumber when your body clock alarms you to wake up. though you couldn’t move when he had his arm around you. The love marks on his chest that you’ve made were more exposed when the sunlight hits him, your fingers carefully trailing on it so he wouldn’t be startled. He needed all the rest he can get.

If only you can have mornings like this when war wasn’t in the equation.

Bidding goodbye was tough. Breakfast was too quiet, just like how he packed his remaining belongings and dressed back to his uniform. You watched him by the patio as he waited for the bus to pick him up. When one finally arrived, he turned around to face you once more. He understood that neither of you wanted to say anything. It would make things harder.

You had to stay strong for him because he was fighting the scarier people. But as he waved goodbye, this was your only exception. Just before he boarded the bus,

“Fuck it.” You mumbled to yourself, running to him as your life depended on it.

“(Y/N), what are you-” Doyoung stopped at his tracks, awaiting your sudden move. You shut him up by desperately placing your lips against his, having that a tiny sliver of hope that it won’t be your last. His hands cradled your face while your arms tangled behind his neck.

It wasn’t until the annoyed coughs from the bus driver stopped your actions. Patting your dress from crinkling, Doyoung left a kiss on your forehead.

“Wait for me, alright? I’ll be back before you know it.” He reassured you.

“Fight strong and stay alive, Doyoung. I’ll always be here for you.”

“I love you, (Y/N).” He caressed your cheek one last time, your hand cupping it.

“I love you too, Doyoung.”

Both of you made sure to write to each other, just anything to keep in touch from being apart.

Oh, if only you knew how long you’d have to wait before seeing each other again.

1951

Doyoung was stationed in the infantry division, always staying prepared for the plans his side made and the active attacks started from the enemy side. He’s lost count of the number of times he’s gotten critically injured and knocked out, but he fought through it with his upcoming plans in mind. How he must fight for the country and stay alive to see the change. How he wanted to have a future with you when everything settles down. It was his motivation every time.

But it took one surprise attack many months later from the enemy side to take it all away. When one of the senior officers was shot, he shielded him without hesitation. All these firing bullets were shot on his back, his legs wobbling from the impact. Due to the non-stop bleeding and lack of urgent medical attention, he painfully lost his life while holding on to his officer.

“Please tell my lover that I love her and I’m sorry.”

Those were his last words before he took one final breath and flatlined.

Seconds later, his soul flowed outside his body and froze at the trippy feeling while witnessing different officers and people on the medic team mourn in front of his dead body. Taeyong, one of the people he befriended from the medic team, tried to wake him repeatedly.

“Doyoung, please don’t joke around. Wake up, please.”

Even if he knew it was hopeless, he did his best to the point his entire team had to pull him away from his best friend’s lifeless body.

“No, he needs to live! He has a family, big dreams, and a girl waiting back in Busan!” He sobbed in his chest. Out of all the people he tried to resuscitate, Doyoung was the first friend that he came across on this occasion. Doyoung ached at this vulnerable sight, wanting so badly to be by his side. With these surprise attacks, death is more prevalent than ever.

“Kim Doyoung?” An unfamiliar voice called for him from behind. He spun around to find one woman in war uniform, though he’s never encountered her in the field, and a man in all black.

“Who are you?”

“I’m Manwol, and he’s the grim reaper. I believe you just died a few minutes ago, correct?”

The truth was piercing to accept, glancing at his lifeless body on the side with Taeyong and another close friend he made, Jungwoo, crying his heart out.

“Are you going to take me already?” He asked.

“Unless you still have things you want to accomplish in the living world, then you can freely go to the other side.” The grim reaper answered monotonously, very much used to this question.

“From the looks of it, you have a lot you want to do still,” Manwol observed from afar, all too familiar with the feeling. “If you come with us, I can help you accomplish them.”

If something stayed with Doyoung until his last breath, it was his skepticism with the supernatural. He was unsure if he can trust them because according to the books, once you’re dead, that’s it. It’s up to the people around him to speak good or bad of him.

“You’re uncertain with our intentions, aren’t you?” Manwol easily read through his stoic expression. “You’ll be surprised with how many things can debunk from the books if you let us, Doyoung.”

For the first time, Doyoung had no clue what and where to go next. No one wrote a book on how to act like a cold, wandering soul. His dreams were limited, meaning he has to find new ones or tweak them a lot to make it possible. Despite her reserved nature, he figured that Manwol looked like someone who knows what she’s talking about. With the grim reaper he’s read in children’s books, he wasn’t as frightening as he was portrayed.

This was his last shot.

“Guide me, please.”

The car ride alone there was messy and bumpy since it was peak war season. He wasn’t the only person who lost their life that night and riding in the vehicle. He recognized a few of them. It was saddening to find the playful Donghyuck, his youngest companion, beside him.

“I sacrificed myself to protect two unarmed nurses in the medic tent when some enemy soldiers charged inside.”

Another was the wise Taeil, who was stationed by the barracks. He was one of the people in the front of in line for battle.

“I thought they were fooling with us, and then suddenly fired multiple attacks. I caught on to it quickly, but they still got me.”

Doyoung remembered all those times he used to ask for love advice from him when it grew hard to be far from you. But that advice is no longer useful when he’s further away from you. He was dead, you weren’t.

Once the three of them arrived at their destination, it was an inn that looked destroyed from the outside, but very organized on the inside. Donghyuck and Taeil decided already what they wanted to do before they cross the other side. Doyoung, on the other hand, was still contemplating.

Manwol knew well how to spot a heartbroken person, being one herself. She wasn’t one to interfere with these affairs, but maybe she’d make an exception. Seeing right through him, he lived a fruitful life. She saw his sacrifice, picking up on his last words being dedicated for you, his lover. He didn’t die in vain.

When the two men were off to follow their plans, Manwol took this chance to approach the downcast man again.

“Is something you holding you back from going…” She questioned, staying by his side for a moment. “…or a special someone?”

“I promised my lover to fight strong and to stay alive while she promised to keep waiting for me. But here I am. She has yet to know that I didn’t make it and I can’t bear to see her in utter pain.”

“Death during a war isn’t new, Doyoung. A lot of promises become broken.”

“But I had so much I wanted to do with her after, Manwol. I can’t just leave her yet, I want to stay by her side even if we can’t see each other physically.”

Based on the information Manwol received about Doyoung from the inn staff, it came to her attention that he was fond of books. Thus, it gave her an idea.

“Doyoung, you’re very similar to the staff here. They all have goals that take years to accomplish, so I gave them a job here.”

“What are you offering me then, Manwol?”

“I have a library here in dire need of a librarian. With your interest in books, would you like to take it? After all, I’m implying that you’d want to wait for your lover to make up for your broken promise.”

Doyoung can’t deny that she was wrong. This was where his journey at Manwol Inn (then became Hotel Del Luna) started. Time worked a little bit differently as a ghost, but it’ll be worth it until you return in his arms one day.

On the day you regrettably received the letter from the military about the tragedy, life has turned for the worst. Upon seeing a soldier by your front step, it was only an innocent habit to give him letters for Doyoung and receiving new ones. However, his hand halted you to hand over a military logo imprinted envelope addressed to you alongside his tidy military uniform other letters from Doyoung.

His last letters.

You had no courage to even complete reading it when the first few lines weren’t enough to taunt you. Nothing could prepare for this dreaded moment.

“We regret to inform you that a report from the war office has confirmed that Kim Doyoung was a casualty of the sudden attack of Seoul. this letter formally declares that he was killed in action....”

Dropping the god-forsaken letter in your hands, you instantly locked yourself in your room. Your parents, who picked it up to read, came running to your door and tediously knocking for you to open it. But you didn’t listen, the heartbreak being too grave.

You tried so hard to keep it together these past months. but this kind of grief resulted in your feeble figure pouring into a heap of salty tears and loud sobs. Your back against the wall smoothly slid down until your butt landed on the floor. You clutched on to your gut that continuously stabbed you back and forth.

Betrayal was an understatement, yet it was beyond his control. War guarantees nothing.

But not when you needed him more than ever, especially when the biggest yet most unexpected news came upon you. All nausea and wild mood swings in the weeks that followed after he left weren’t normal, only to find out that you were expecting his child.

It was a secret you didn’t know how to confront through letters because it was best to tell him in person. Due to the situation, it was impossible. Only in your latest letter did you finally come clean about it, but it was now never to be sent because he has already passed away. Your entire family wasn’t pleased with this outcome but they didn’t shame you for it either. It was your choice and body after all.

They were concerned about how others will perceive you in the long run. An unmarried woman carrying a dead man’s child is taboo in this conservative society. Yet abortion is seen in a bad light too. You were stuck in a double edge sword, but you knew from the beginning that you wanted to keep the child. It’s a struggle, for sure, and your plans will have to wait.

Amid this bad luck, this unborn child is the last closest piece of Doyoung.

Amongst your unavoidable flow of tears that you knew must be stopped so it wouldn’t badly affect your child, you placed a hand on top of your lower belly. There was already an evident swelling bump, but your choice to continue wearing loose clothing to swerve from the public’s judgment covered it fine.

Well, for now. Only in the last trimester, it was going to be a challenge.

“I’m sorry you won’t be meet your father....” You spoke, rubbing it upwards. “....But I’ll make sure to take good care of you. You’re all I have left of him.”

Ever since Doyoung accepted Manwol’s offer, he never left his spot at the library. He was amazed at the endless arrangements of books. Even the western books his parents banned him from reading as a child were there. All this entertainment can distract from the long time he has to wait.

Except for today specifically, he asked Jeno, a new friend he made who also lost his life during the Korean war, to take over for a few hours when he found out that mail was to be delivered in Busan.

“Hyung, are you sure?”

“I just need to see her, Jeno.”

Doyoung expected the heartache when he saw you cry in your bedroom after finding out, and he couldn’t refrain from crying with you. Even as a soul, he’d do anything to cradle you in his arms and say that things will get better in time. How he wanted to tell you to take your time in life and that he’s willing to wait until your time comes. Whenever it could be.

Sadly, he was right there listening to you talk to your unborn child. The disbelief of in his reaction; he was supposed to be a father. Sure, he was relatively young. People won’t approve of it because you were unmarried. But it was an early start to settling down with each other.

It took him a while to accept his unfortunate fate, but for him to be robbed of this meaningful part in life was more unbearable to deal with.

From that point, he made sure to watch over you even if he was invisible. Even if Manwol advised him not to so it won’t complicate anything, he reassured that he has it under control. As a ghost without any grudges, what’s there to throw a fit at? He could retaliate at the enemy soldiers who shot him fearlessly, but they are nowhere to be found and he had no interest to turn into ashes.

The only time he assisted you was when you were giving birth. It was an excruciating process, sweating and breathing intensely. You let a scream every time you pushed, like any of the herbs or medications you consumed were wearing off. Your body wanted to give up as it weakened at the loss of blood.

Childbirth is no joke, having high mortality rates during these times. It was a tempting choice you’d want to take as Doyoung is no longer alive. But you knew it was selfish to leave your child as an orphan.

Doyoung couldn’t withstand watching you struggle anymore. If there was a trick Manwol taught him, it was to possess people. It’s often portrayed as a negative skill, warning him to only use it when it’s an emergency.

The pitiful way your eyes were drained off energy, he had to step in. Observing the midwife panicking on your side even if she was giving you support, he took his chance to possess her. Adjusting to this body, it made him glad to feel your warm hand again.

“(Y/N), your child is almost here.” The doctor positively announced.

“I want a breather. The grim reaper should just take me.” You complained as your mother wiped the endless drops of sweat on your forehead. Doyoung took it to heart, knowing death firsthand was no joke.

“Yah, don’t say stuff like that, (Y/N). This child is bound to be an amazing addition to your life.”

You didn’t know how your timid midwife would straighten you up, but it motivated you a lot more to finish the process. Little did you know.

She gladly accepted your firm grips on her hand, giving affirmative responses to keep you going. In moments you closed your eyes to push, you couldn’t help notice in the corner of your eye how from the physique of your midwife, you swore you saw him. His hand holding yours instead of the midwife.

Was this in the medication? For a moment, you let a tear not from pain but from happiness to catch a glimpse of him in your weakest moment. Every day, you were missing him.

It took almost half an hour before a small set of wails bore in the room while you harshly threw yourself back in the bed to recover your breathing patterns. It knocked you out for a while. Doyoung, still possessing the midwife, was handed the newborn by the doctor and tasked to clean her up.

“It’s a healthy baby girl.” the doctor confirmed as he wiped away the blood on the floor.

He was then brought by your mother to a designated room to bathe the relaxed newborn in his arms.

His newborn.

His desire to phase out of the midwife and use his skill to be visible while holding his child was strong. But it’s too risky since the midwife can catch him. He sucked it up and proceeded in what the books taught him on bathing a baby. During his break time, he’d read all the parenting books he could find. It’ll be rare anyways for him to use the tips, but he always wanted to stay prepared.

As the bubbles of the soap surrounded the relaxed baby, he washed her delicately to avoid her from waking up. He was just mesmerized at how you and he created something so precious. He used to be the type of man to be awkward around kids, but after catering to many children in the library and now his child, it started to change.

“Hello there, little one. Your mother needs you, so you better be good to her.”

Ghosts were highly discouraged to make any more emotional connections with the living because they’ll just end up being hurt, making it harder to move on. Exactly what Doyoung is doing was that, and the more he bonded with his daughter, it was a rekindled kind of pain. The kind when you separate family from each other. The same one he felt when he bid his parents good-bye before joining the war, only to never come back.

To top this off, the tiny hand of his sleeping daughter, whom he finally dried off with a small towel and wrapped in a fresh blanket, sleepily grasped on his pinky finger. Technically, it was the midwife’s, but he was in control.

Nonetheless, the innocent gesture got him both feeling on top of the moon and disheartened at the same time. As he curled it in a silly manner, noticing the size difference, he leaned down to leave a kiss on top of her forehead.

“I’m sorry I’m going to miss out on your life. But I’ll always be here for you, even if I’m in the shadows. Don’t ever question my love for you. Because I do love you, wholeheartedly.”

Kim Areum.

That was the name you settled with when your daughter was finally in your arms. It’s ideal to give Doyoung’s last name too because she is half of him. After resting for quite a while, you noticed how the midwife suddenly shook her body and took a loud deep breath when she helped out cleaning the area up.

“Are you okay?” You question, noticing her state of confusion.

“Uhm, yeah....” She narrowed her eyes to her environment. “Oh wait, you gave birth already? Wow, that was pretty fast...”

“Yes, you were right beside me the whole time...” You glanced sideways at her, suspicious.

“Oh wow yeah, I was.” She tried to laugh it off. “It was like I had an out-of-this-world moment or something. Oh whatever, I sound stupid.”

That brought you back to your early doubts. Whether or not he showed up or you were somewhat hallucinating. But not wanting to reflect too much on the impossible, you merely refocused to the peaceful newborn nestled in your arms.

She’s the only one keeping you alive in these hard times. She served as a reminder of him, thus you’ll hold on to her. From the outside of your window, all Doyoung can do now is to continue watching from afar every once in a while.

1954

Not much has changed in the past few years. You were either reading or taking care of Areum. Your family was lucky enough to have good housing, but getting important necessities such as water and food was a constant struggle.

With the war leading to lots of souls in the inn, he had to fulfill his mandatory orders to prepare souls to move on. He was joyful to be of service to others like he was back in the day.

Though lately, it’s still unavoidable for him to ponder how exactly are you and his daughter are doing. Once Donghyuck and Taeil went ahead for the afterlife, the loneliness began to creep in. Then a while ago, Jeno introduced him to a new group of children today checking out the library. Caught in a deadly car accident on their way home from school, he pitied how such bright kids left the world too soon.

These factors sparked his longing, plus there was still something above that: it was your birthday soon. Much to his luck, Manwol just received a new gift from the deities that might be his biggest help in coping.

“A dream call?” Doyoung inquired once he was summoned by Manwol to the meeting room, sitting across her.

“Yes, a call to anyone from the living that you wish to talk to in their dreams. Though this can only be used once per visitor. The deities pitied those with loved ones who want to see them physically. Thus, they invented this.”

“What are you implying?”

“Doyoung, you know well how easy I can read people even through their fake smiles. You miss her very much.” Manwol replied, holding up the phone to his ear. “This is your chance, Doyoung. Even if you can’t see them, they will see you.”

The first dream started with you sitting at your old spot by the river, in a simple dress Doyoung bought for you on your last ever birthday celebration with him. The forest looked breathtaking as if it was still pre-war times again. The river was still clear of blood and pollution. It must be spring, the flowers above you on the tree were in full bloom.

The sound of bike wheels stopping to park in the grass and someone humming changed your point of interest. There was the only person in your mind who would do that. Jumping from your seated position, you looked behind the other side of the tree only to find him picking up flowers from the branches. He was tall, not having much difficulty getting them.

The way he looked so peaceful and well-rested. This beauty and peace of mind he radiated, it was unreal.

“Doyoung.”

He clenched on the phone with his hand, his concealed yearning to at least hear his name on your lips again urged a tear to go down his cheek.

“Happy birthday, (Y/N).”

He handed you the flower bouquet he made for you. Meanwhile, he suddenly dropped it when you didn’t hesitate to sling your arms around his waist. Your head pressed to his chest, pulling him closer you could care less if you lost your breath. Doyoung felt that tight hug, gripping on the part of his uniform where you placed your head. He rubbed it as if it was your hair.

None of you spoke a word and gracefully paused to take a moment.

Time in a dream call works a bit differently than in the living world. Once you’re in session, one minute alone of talking is equivalent to 30 minutes in the living world.

Doyoung took his first call to catch up with you and say everything he never got to before. It was also where he confessed how he knew about your daughter. There were guilt and regret at how you could’ve told him in your earlier letters.

“You were scared, (Y/N). There’s no way I can blame you.” Laying against his chest, he comforted you. “By the way, she has your nose, you know.”

There was this wave of relief that splashed you after this big burden lifted. You can live a more untroubled life now.

“She has your temper though.” You jokingly say, putting you in a fit of giggles. It’s been too long since you experienced genuine humor.

“At age 3? Yah, I’m impressed.” He remarked with pride.

Since Doyoung wasn’t capable to be physically affectionate in the dreams, he was more on receiving them from you. In return, he gave sincere conversations even if they were a yearly thing. Talking about your daughter was one of your favorite topics. adolescence, teenage years, to university, there was so much to talk about. Doyoung would only use his dream calls on you on your birthday, making them more meaningful. Each one, you were both back to your twenties with different outfits and settings based on the differing decades.

“Don’t you feel burdened to wait for me?” You asked as his fingers brushed some of your hair back while you watched the sunset from a wooden bench.

“No, I’m not. there are still many things I want to fulfill before moving on. I also want to watch Areum grow up and help you in any possible. Only when these goals of mine and others are cleared, then I‘ll be able to rest well.”

“Will you be okay until then, Doyoung?”

“I broke a promise with you, (Y/N). and I want to make up for it.”

“What will you do when my time comes?” Your hand interlocked with his, squeezing it tight even if he couldn’t reciprocate it.

“I will shout out your name and hug you tight, my love. But until then, appreciate your life. Live it to its fullest. For me.”

Doyoung sensed your worry but comforted you that it’ll be okay. He wasn’t lying either when he said he wanted to do a lot of things too. Every dream call, his gut feelings were strong to know what you were going through in every call, giving you any advice to get you through them.

To count, he gave you almost 50 dream calls.

The late 1950s-1960s

After returning to university to finish your undergraduate studies when the war ended, you continued to pursue law school and taking the exams as you’ve wanted. But this meant moving to Seoul for better opportunities.

Doyoung celebrated with himself when he found out, not having to take the bus or ride the hotel car to Busan every time he wanted to see you two. Now, he could simply walk back and forth, managing it with his shifts.

Currently, he was taking a break in his office. The deities gifted him with a bunch of murder mystery books from the West, fully immersed in the storylines. Leaning backward from his chair, he was abruptly disconnected by a knock on his open door.

“Hyung, you have a special visitor in the lobby.” Jeno urgently informed Doyoung as he leaned on the side of his office door, out of breath. “It’s quite important if you ask me.”

Doyoung removed his reading glasses and put down his novel. Putting back his blazer on, he approached his younger friend and made their way down the hallway together hastily.

“Is it a family member who’s passed?” He questioned, slightly folding his blazer sleeves then adjusting the hotel pin on his chest pocket. By the tone Jeno spoke, it must’ve been serious. Although there’s no way it can be you just yet, he has no idea who was looking for him then.

The lobby was bustling with numerous souls. Some still fresh, some just roaming around, while others were preparing to pass the other side. Nothing new to it, until Jeno pointed out a specific scene in one corner of the room.

“Hyung, over there.”

Like an obedient puppy, Doyoung looked over to where Jeno’s finger directed. At first glance, by her long black hair, he recognized Manwol, who was kneeling in front of someone seated. It wasn’t until she stood up and shifted her body to the side to reveal that someone, patting her young head kindly.

She wore a ribbon on her hair, matching with the colors of her floral dress while carefully holding on to a piece of paper with her drawing. Due to the distance, he couldn’t make out what she drew. Though with her dazzling eye smile formed by her small eyes, he knew her too well.

“Areum.”

Right on cue, the young girl caught his entrancing gaze. With the widest smile, she exclaimed “Daddy!”

Manwol, who was right beside her, held her hand and graced their way to Doyoung and Jeno. The two knew she despised children, ordering them to keep a keener eye on them when they wander around so they don’t access the hallway leading to her office. Unexpectedly, Areum didn’t burden her the slightest. She brought a different aura, a very pure and full of love kind.

With the full moon shining at its peak, becoming present to the eyes of the living, she must’ve spotted the hotel from afar and her interest grew wild for it. Typical for girls her age. Not afraid of the risks, she followed any directions to get here. Coincidentally, she encountered Manwol in the front gate.

Manwol recognized her straight away, even when she glimpsed the drawing of her family she treasured in her chest. She still included her father, whom she was very much acquainted with. Though, she was puzzled by her sudden appearance. When Areum explained that her father lived in the hotel according to your stories, her heart fell to her gut. Indeed, she was right, but again, ghosts are discouraged to have connections with the living or anything related to it. However, her strong senses couldn’t disregard how much Doyoung yearned for his family. Lately, his only daughter when numerous children arrived at the hotel. He didn’t want to voice it out however because the other staff shared the same sentiments, so it would be insensitive so he just kept it to himself. But Manwol sensed it all too well.

She won’t tell anyone this, but she has quite a soft spot for Doyoung. She empathized with him the most since he came to the hotel, willing to do what it takes to make his coping and waiting worthwhile. She was still brash at times, but only when necessary.

Areum’s presence didn’t seem to harm anyone, charming anyone around with a smile and her words. Especially that smile, it shows enough of how much she’s Doyoung’s daughter. With a rough internal debate, Manwol welcomed her inside the magical hotel Areum described it as and tasked Jeno to call for Doyoung. It was a risk, but a needed one.

With Manwol innocently holding the young girl’s hand, she looked her down and asked her, “Is that your father from your drawing, Areum?”

Areum lit up as she tilted her head upwards to see her tall father, nodding proudly. “Yes, that’s him! The one my mom talks about in her dreams too!”

Doyoung’s heart swelled at her pride for him, not hesitating to kneel to her height. Arms wide open, he loudly called her out for the first time. “Areum!”

The young girl, letting go of Manwol’s hand, ran as fast as her short legs could like nothing can stop her, even if the lobby was packed. Soon enough, she’s at the grasp of her father, carrying and hugging her in circles. Light as a feather, he took in her scent and warmth. The racing beat of her heart pulsated against his chest, reminding how much life she’s filled with. It was liberating that she found him, even when he stood behind the dark shadows.

Once he put her back down, “What brings you here, Areum? Isn’t it past your bedtime already?”

She pouted, sulking at disobeying your rules. “I know, but as soon as I was ready for bed, I saw the hotel in bright lights just like mommy described. She said that only during the peak full moon it’ll be shown to very special people who are alive, and it turns out that I’m one of them, daddy.”

Hearing that title from her lips was something he would’ve never get sick of. He felt the validity more than ever.

The odds of being a human spotting the hotel during peak full moon was rare, earning perplexed looks by those who don’t see it. Doyoung never encountered a human waltzing in the hotel out of the bloom, so for his daughter to have this mystical ability was a gift in disguise. Maybe the deities knew how to cut off some slack and agony for wandering souls. This was an excuse to stop cursing them now and then.

“Wow, aren’t you a lucky girl for that?” Jeno, whom he forgot was by his side, patted her head similarly to Manwol. “Your father missed you dearly, you know?”

“Well, Mr. Jeno,” She picked up his name from his nametag. “I missed him too.”

Doyoung processed the features of the angelic girl in front of him, astonished at how you and he created someone so cheerful during a time of trouble. Aside from her eye smile, she had his gummy smile and curiosity, while she inherited your nose and intelligence. Cupping her chubby cheek, he pinched it with a cute sound effect from his mouth.

“Daddy!” She protested, slapping his hand away and dramatically covered her reddening cheek. “Not allowed to that, ever.”

Oh, you weren’t joking when you said she had his temper too.

Before he could defend himself, Manwol reentered their interaction. Like common sense, Doyoung got back on his feet but helplessly giving side glances to his daughter. Manwol giggled at his sudden formality before instructing Jeno to lead Areum to the carnival room. As Areum waves him goodbye for the meantime, Manwol added on.

“There’s a rise of kids checking in the hotel, unfortunately, so I wholeheartedly requested the deities to create an area dedicated for child-like fun. Just today, it’s finished in construction so it’s a great place for Areum to explore.”

“Manwol, I-” He was feeling overwhelmed, stumbling his words. “Why did you this for me?”

“You used your dream calls for (Y/N), but there’s never been a way for you to reach out to your daughter. And the way her glimmering eyes wanted to come in when she shouldn’t, I couldn’t refuse a chance for the two to reunite.”

“But what about the deities?”

“I’ll handle it. What matters is that you have tonight to spend with Areum. It’s the least thing I could do as you are one of my beloved staff,” She reassured, yet looked at him in a downcast manner. “But as much as possible, everything tonight must feel like a vivid dream to her. She’s not allowed to keep any knick-knacks from tonight either.”

Everything always came at a price. Doyoung was acquainted well enough, but he can’t lie to say that I didn’t ache. Nonetheless, Manwol having such a selfless side was completely new to him. That’s why he never asked for favors like the other staff since he’ll just get turned down or scolded like a child. Maybe she wasn’t as scary as to how they labeled her all these years he’s worked for her.

Manwol took Doyoung’s silence under the impression of internal conflict. In true Manwol fashion, she clapped her hands right in front of his visage, snatching him back to reality. “You’re wasting time, Doyoung! Don’t think about it too much right now. Now come on and dress up more casually, your daughter is waiting for you.”

Following her order, he bowed respectfully before zooming to his hotel room. She was right, he has to enjoy whatever is given. Demanding for more when you’re already dead is disrespectful to the eyes of the deities, considering that alongside your past life when you step into the afterlife.

From his uniform, he changed into a white long sleeve buttoned-up, which was layered under a lilac knit sweater, and black trousers. He styled his hair in a dandier way, applying gel then combing it upwards. He was only following the trends of the decade, basing it on the recently checked-in souls. Deities must’ve liked him a lot to give him a lot of gifts from time to time, making him completely disregard the money from the living world Manwol gives during his off days. Most of the time, his off days are spent either secretly observing you and your daughter, or reading more books in the library.

This one was like a change of scenery, his heart pumping once he exited to the elevator and rushed to the carnival room. And just as he entered the doors, the wave of nostalgia hit him instantaneously. It felt like he was in university again, bringing you around the bizarre contraptions and games for the first time for your amusement. A spark in your romance, so full of young love and naivety of what was to come.

He spotted his young girl wrapped around in the arms of Jeno, explaining to her about the wide range of rides as she licked on a rainbow lollipop. Once he showed up to the both of them, Jeno cautiously put her down so she can hold Doyoung’s hand.

“You deserve this, hyung. Make it worthwhile.” Jeno placed his hand on his older friend’s shoulder before leaving the room. Keeping it in mind, Doyoung kneeled again in front of his daughter. Her smiles were contagious, fascinated by everything she’s surrounded in.

“I’ve never seen anything like this, daddy.” That line sounded familiar, chuckling at the precious memory.

“Come on, sweetheart. Let’s have fun tonight!”

The bliss in tonight was never-ending, like the two of them were in their own world. Areum wanted to ride on a horse in a carousel first, which Doyoung agreed to. Lifting her, he held her by the waist as the ride started to go. She pointed out every object that she can see while Doyoung avidly listened, then telling her what each ride and game consists of in return.

Once they got off, her short legs scurried off to the game booth where rows of bottles were laid in front of her. Right beside her were the rings. Doyoung properly described the instructions, and on the dot, Areum went ham and started throwing the rings in random directions. By the way, her eyebrows furrowed and her lips pursed, her competitive side was evident. Doyoung observed as she either hit or miss, finding another trait of his in her.

You’d find it hard to believe, but she would’ve been a total daddy’s girl.

To her success, she squealed victoriously as she won and hugged her dad. One of the staff in charge rewarded her with new candy to munch on, and off she went to look for the next attraction to divulge in. Doyoung struggled a little catching up to her, but anything he would do for his daughter.

From a one on one balloon dart game, which Doyoung willingly let Areum won because she’s a fussy one, roaming through a mini house of mirrors, riding the indoor Ferris wheel, and many more, Areum was ready to move to the next venue after telling her father that she wanted him to read to her.

“Mommy said you’re a librarian here because you like reading. I like it too, can you take me there?”

Just like you, he was charmed by his daughter. “Alright, Areum. Let’s go there then.”

Before they made it through past the wide doors with the bright red sign above saying “Exit”, Areum’s attention was distracted by a black kiosk near the Ferris wheel. She followed her gut, changing her direction. Doyoung quickly followed her footsteps, only to turn up in front of a photo booth.

“Wow, are these where you can take instant pictures, daddy?”

Waves of nostalgia hit Doyoung as if he were on the beach, totally unprepared for the emotional impact. With Areum, he missed your presence more than ever. Having you there completed your family, and it could’ve been quite a reunion.

“Yes, Areum. How about you go inside and daddy will insert some coins so you can have your pictures taken?”

“But daddy, I want to take pictures with you! It’s only mommy that has pictures with you, and I don’t want to feel left out.” She threw a tantrum, crossing her arms.

Here she goes again, making it difficult for Doyoung to refuse. Even with Manwol only giving him one rule to follow for the night, he doesn’t want any bad memories to be made with his daughter. He’ll have to work it out one way or another later. In the meantime, he smirked before carried her out of the blue inside the booth. Her shrieks increased in volume, only softening after she settled on her father’s lap. Doyoung inserts a few coins, and swiftly enough, the contraption started to operate.

“Okay Areum, one photo strip has 4 solo photos in it. 4 smiles or poses, okay? You’re going to look at the lens there, in the shape of a circle. Then, the flash is going to show in 3, 2-” Right on time, the two smiled.

They had less than 10 seconds until the second shot, so the two pulled random funny expressions. Doyoung pouted his lips, while Areum stuck out her tongue. For the third photo, Doyoung kissed the top of her head while Areum poked her cheeks with her fingers. Lastly, Areum instructed her father to lower his head to her level so she can peck his cheek. His shock was perfectly taken, filling his heart with adoration.

Areum hating getting affection but loves giving it? Another trait of his.

The look of amazement Areum gave once she stepped foot on the endless library was priceless. She described how it was bigger than the national library in Seoul. While she strolled around the near shelves, Jeno, taking over his night shift, approached him with a bottled treat. But it wasn’t just a normal one.

“Manwol and I overheard that she liked strawberry milk, so Manwol told me to give it to you. It has the dream spell potion from Johnny’s bar mixed with flowers from the deities so she can’t see ghosts or the hotel anymore. Make sure she drinks it before she leaves this place.”

While Areum settles on the small couch with her chosen books, she patiently anticipated for her father to read to her before her yawning takes over her. She never tracked the time, but she’s gone way beyond her average curfew.

“Sleepy already, sweetheart?” Doyoung asked as he sat beside her, inspecting her drowsy state.

Areum shook her head, displaying all the books she got on the table in front of her. “Nope! Not until you read me a bedtime story.”

Doyoung scanned through her book selection, amazed by her choices. The Little Prince, Winnie the Pooh, Goodnight Moon, and a bunch of Madeline books from the series, he couldn’t decide! If only he could read them all for her.

A lot of those books he read growing up, and the same goes for you. Especially Madeline, which he discovered through you as one of your childhood favorites. By instinct, he chose the first book from the series, simply entitled “Madeline”.

“This one.” He patted his lap so she could sit on it, which she did without wasting a breath.

It was ironic for a librarian to have never read aloud for anyone during his stay. Maybe because no one asked him to nor he wasn’t into reading aloud. He preferred reading to himself, only helping those looking for specific books or recommending if anyone has a favorite genre. Maybe he’ll give it a shot now. This first-hand experience opened his eyes to a new type of intimacy, hearing the adorable reactions from his daughter as he read the life of Madeline in Paris.

“In the middle of one night, Miss Clavel turned on her light and said, “Something is not right!”.” Doyoung flipped the next page. “Little Madeline sat in bed, cried and cried-”

“She cried to get attention, huh?” Areum commented mid-reading.

“Areum, if she didn’t, she could get even sicker. We don’t want that, right?”

“If I cried like that, would that be enough to bring you back to me and mommy, daddy?” She wholesomely questioned, twisting her body weight so she could face him. “Mommy already has a way to reach to you, and I want something like that too”

Doyoung knew she was a smart girl, but she often denies the reality of some things. In this case, her father’s passing still hasn’t hit her, even if she possessed the mystical skill to see ghosts and the hotel. Doyoung felt cornered, so before he could think of a reply, he kindly asks her,

“Hmm, what do you have in mind, sweetheart?”

“Well,” She pouted as she fidgeted with her index fingers. “I read all your old letters to mommy, so maybe I can write you one every year.”

“What a great idea, sweetheart!” He cheered. “How will you give it?”

“Uh..” She paused to think, then a bright idea came to her. “During your birthday, daddy! Mommy and I still celebrate it if you don’t know, so I can offer it alongside the food.”

Doyoung played along, knowing that tradition of yours. Although it still aches him to show up on his death anniversary, he compromised by showing up on his birthday. He’d see his and your families celebrating, talking about the positive and fun things about him in his life. He observed his daughter a little more later when she got older and started talking. Whenever you praised him for something, there was hope and inspiration in her young eyes. It’s uplifting to discover that his legacy was seen in a good light. He’d never wanted to be seen as a bad guy to anyone.

“I’ll look forward to it, sweetheart. Promise?” He stuck out his pinky to her, getting curled in response by hers.

“Promise!”

Both of them chuckled, appreciating the moment. His long arms embraced her from the back, nuzzling his head on his shoulder. How blessed to have a daughter like her, but from a glance, the bottle of strawberry milk situated beside the pile of books gave a remembrance of one of his remaining tasks. It had to be done, but he hoped she won’t at least forget to write to him.

“Look! Miss Manwol wanted to give this to you.” He handed it to her.

Ecstatic, she cranked open the bottle cap and took tiny sips of it. “It’s so good, daddy!”

Doyoung softly laughed as excess milk drops dribbled in her lips, wiping it with his thumb. “Aigoo, you messy girl. Let’s continue, shall we?”

Cozying up to him again, Doyoung resumed his storytelling. Once he said the words, “The end.”, the small head of his daughter completely leaned against his chest. Snuggling for more comfort, he checked her current condition. Knocked out like a light, he puts the book down and cradled her for a second. The last time he did something like this was when she was born. She was tiny then, and now, she’s bound to outgrow his lap sooner or later.

This was his sign to bring her home.

He boosted her small figure, her head now planted on his shoulder and his hand resting behind the nape of her neck. Her legs were entangled in his torso when he showed up at the lobby again. It was much more serene, everyone checked in already.

“Aigoo, fast asleep already?” Manwol made an appearance without warning, alongside her personal driver Yuta and the bartender Johnny.

“As expected from my magic.” Johnny commended himself, stretching his fingers. That easily gave him a slap from Yuta.

“Can’t you be more sensitive to Doyoung?”

Not caring about those two, Manwol caressed Areum from behind. Inside her cold heart, she brought so much amusement. Even if she embodied traits from Doyoung, she stood out from his usual reserved nature. She had so much energy, and it’s a fresh sight. Manwol secretly peered at their father-daughter time in the library, and she sensed the love the two had for each other. Even if it’s unbearable to separate them, having tonight was a pleasure for all.

“Yuta,” She summoned him. “Drop these two to her house safe and sound. It’s too dangerous to walk in the dark right now.”

Bowing in response, he led the way to the elevator for Doyoung to follow. But before he took the first step, Manwol halted him by the arm. “You better come back, or the deities won’t be pleased.”

He nodded before he was sent on his way. Wasn’t this brutal?

The silence in the car ride is deafening, though he didn’t want to disturb his little girl either. Yuta peeked from the mirror now and then to check on the two, sharing the gloom of his fellow friend. Having something or someone so valuable from the living world makes it hard to leave it. He understood as he suffered a similar fate to him.

When they’ve arrived at their destination, Doyoung was quick to notice that the lights from your living room were still on. It’s too risky to waltz in through the front door, squinting for other ways to go inside. To his luck, the window of Areum’s bedroom was wide open. That must’ve been how she escaped earlier.

“Be careful, Doyoung. Her neighbors may be watching.”

“It’s around 4 am right now, Yuta. I’ll be fine.” He reassured, clicking open the car door with his daughter peacefully asleep.

Entering inside her bedroom, he gently put her down on her soft bed. Covering her body with the duvet so she wouldn’t get cold, he took one last lingering look before taking his leave. Manwol might be looking for him already. Pressuring even to know that Yuta was waiting outside for him and that the deities are looking down on him too.

“Daddy,” Her tiny hand tugged on his sleeve, stopping his movements. Her droopy eyes faintly ajar, wanting to capture these last dreamy moments. “Don’t leave me and mommy again.”

This retouched attachment between the two made things much more stifling to accept reality. Doyoung understood her fright and sighed, kneeling to her again. Patting her head, “I’m sorry but I have no choice, sweetheart. We don’t want daddy to get in trouble, right?”

She lazily nods, tugging on his sleeve again. “Can you sing me to sleep, daddy? You used to do that for mommy.”

He grinned, accepted her last request. Holding on her hand, kissing it, he quietly sings.

“Eonjebuteoinji geudaereul bomyeon….”

When the song reached its end, the soft snores from Areum filled his eardrums. Her eyes are fully closed, and her tiny head fell to the side of her pillow. Kissing her forehead, he whispered, “Good night, sweetheart. Daddy loves you so much.”

A cute sight to Doyoung, she occupied a huge part in his heart. Even if everything tonight will feel like a complete dream, it’s a memorable moment for Doyoung that he’ll treasure.

Initially, he planned to leave her bedroom the same way he came in, which was through her window. That’s all Manwol tasked him to do when he arrives at your house, but his heart selfishly desires to see you. Even if he was invisible now. His powers were weakening, twitching from being visible to invisible back and forth.

Never has he stepped inside your new house, and this could be his only chance.

The first thing he saw after leaving his daughter’s bedroom was the dining room. Tidy and organized, as expected from you. For the living room connected to it, the simple decorations invited him inside. Assorted photos hung in the wall and by the table near the front door, with a fresh bouquet of asters in a vase there too.

Alluring as it is, the only thing Doyoung couldn’t keep his eyes off the most was a sleeping you in pajamas, hunched over the coffee table on top of books and numerous paperwork. An empty coffee glass neared the edge, so he caught it before you squirmed again from your sleep.

The exhaustion from your life was constantly piled up one after the other. You’ve been studying hard at law school, balancing it with a part-time job as a teacher’s assistant at your university for undergrads and being a mom to Areum. Even seeing the pile of bills right by your side, you didn’t just need the help of your families. You needed him, as a friend, lover, and father.

Men were still viewed as the main breadwinners of the family, but you juggled both positions as mother and father. It was a vicious fate, and he’d do anything to share that challenge with you. For now, the only thing he could do is bring you to bed at least.

Taking you into his arms bridal style, completely knocked out, he only assumed the remaining door in front of Areum’s bedroom was your bedroom. Carefully kicking it, he graced your bed and laid you down elegantly so your sleeping flow won’t be disturbed. He put the covers on top of your body so you’d feel comfier.

Right in front of your bedside was a breezy open window, the moonlight creeping in to highlight your sleeping face. The wrinkles on your forehead started to show, a side effect of immense stress. It’s a trait no one wants, yet it symbolized aging and moving forward to the future. Doyoung envied you for it.

Besides that, you looked youthful as ever, seeking internal peace from the outside world in your deep slumber. His index traced the outline of your face, appreciating your glow. Trapped in amazement, leaving you will be more difficult. It’s been a while since he saw you up close in the flesh, but Manwol’s words daunted his mind. Just like his daughter, his lips softly pecked your forehead and to your ear, he said in a hushed tone, “Good night, my love. I’m so proud of you.”

Getting back on his knees to exit, he’s convinced that you and your daughter can detect a leaving presence and catch it before they do. On cue, your hand unconsciously grabbed his wrist. Your mind couldn’t make up what mental state you were in, but something in you vibed a known presence. One that you’ve yearned, one that you struggle to wait and see until your birthday arrives. Is he actually here?

Doyoung reacted immediately, his feet shuffling to face you again. Eyes still shut close, but your lips released a satisfied moan as you stretched your arms slightly.

“Is it my birthday already?” You mumbled incoherently, gripping on the unknown wrist. “Or am I just lucky enough to get a free pass?”

He rolled his eyes at your nonsense. “If this was a free pass, what would you want me to do?”

You weakly took a peek. It was blurry, probably caused by your sleepiness. But you recognized the silhouette of this stranger from the back of your hand. You clutched his grip, bringing his face closer to yours. Doyoung didn’t expect such a jerking action, almost falling limp if his other free hand didn’t grip on your duvet.

“Kiss me before you go again, my love.” You requested, mindlessly craving his touch.

Loosening from your grip, his palm cupped your cheek as he wets his lips. He made the first move, sweetly and slowly. Even at your unknown state, you returned with the same level of passion, brushing the hair behind the nape of his neck to deepen it. You haven’t kissed anyone like this in a very long time, too busy with your studies and motherhood. This refreshed your memories of what you missed, a warm tear escaping your eye.

No one will ever match up to him.

Doyoung’s deprivation of physical touch for you amplified, eagerness for so much more than this. Touching himself to the thought of you grew tiring, wanting to have you in the flesh by his side. It wasn’t until a bright car light from outside shun by your window. Yuta was an impatient one, but he had every right to be.

It was fulfilling while it lasted. His heart throbbed when his lips parted from yours, opening his eyes again. Your eyes stayed closed, but your lips hummed in satisfaction.

“Nothing changed in the way you kiss, my love.” You complimented, succumbing back to your deep slumber by pulling yourself further inside the duvet.

Doyoung grinned at your words, kissing your knuckle one last time. “I meant what I said, (Y/N). Sleep well.”

He tiptoed out your bedroom, deciding to exit through the front door. Again, no one would be awake at this time anyway. However, an antique-looking photo of him caught his eye. Taking a closer look, it was you and him by his garden, clutching on his arm under their family lemon tree and smiling during pre-war times. It was a funny story actually.

His father bought a camera for the first time and wanted to test it out. You were over at their house that day to study, and his father insisted to take a photo of the two of you as a first try.

“Oh come on, we must commemorate this new contraption! The first people can be titled “Young Love” or something like that!”

Doyoung cringed, whining, “Dad, that’s so corny!”

“I don’t care. Now hurry, join the frame with (Y/N) and smile!”

His father may present himself as strict and stubborn as one of the most affluent men in Korean society even after the war, but behind the scenes, he knows how to entertain his children. Doyoung’s childhood never had a dull moment. Oh, how wished he could follow the same fate as him.

This happy photo was a golden treasure to you, framing it so it could be preserved. It was one of your last traces of him, aside from Areum. Next to it, a much smaller photo of you and Areum was placed. Also all smiles for the two of you, Areum firmly sat on your lap and clasping her hands above her dress. You cut your hair during that time, showing the dog tag necklace that once belonged to him on your neck. You were really devoted to him, and he’s grateful, to say the least.

He knew he shouldn’t take anything either before going back to the hotel, but there was just no way he can’t take this one photo of his favorite girls with him. He already kept his photo strip of him and Areum from the carnival in his back pocket, so he’ll just have to work out the consequences then.

Returning to the car was bittersweet. He took one more proper look at your home, taking in all the positive energy to have such a loving family even if he can only watch from afar. While Yuta revved the car on, Doyoung deeply sighed from the backseat. What a spontaneous evening.

“I’m guessing you didn’t resist seeing your lover either, Doyoung?” Yuta commented, viewing him from the mirror. Raising his brows playfully, “Got caught in the VIP seat of you two lip-locking.”

“First of all, that’s creepy, Yuta. Second, you most definitely know what it feels like to be separated from your lover. Cut me some slack.”

“Whatever, that’s not my business anyway. But good luck to you if Manwol asked why there was a sudden extension.” The older friend shrugged, his foot pressing on the pedal to drive off the area.

“Keyword is if she asks. Now please, drive faster, Yuta. I have a shift to fill in now.”

Last night was a gift, but also an aching reminder of what could’ve been if he never died. The sun is slowly making its appearance again, bringing in another morning in this reality. Another work day for Doyoung, more waiting to be done.

Yet recalling his bonding moments with Areum, he’ll most likely get through another few decades. He yanked out his photo strip from the back pocket of his trousers, gazing at their authentic happiness. He muttered to himself,

“I’ll see you and your mother again, and we’ll all celebrate and rejoice. ‘Til then, my sweetheart.”

Meanwhile, ever since that peculiar “dream” with Doyoung, it left you with a lot of questions. Perhaps, it’s all just in your head. Though it doesn’t quite answer how one of your beloved pictures went missing. That’s definitely something you’re going to ask if your birthday comes up again.

Moving forward, his kind words pushed you to do your best. In the next years, you first became a family lawyer for a few years to get used to the field, but permanently shifted to being a public attorney because you wanted to be able to represent those who are suffering the most yet can’t afford the legal help to avoid it.

Just like what you and Doyoung aspired.

Balancing that with a kid was overwhelming, but with your and Doyoung’s families helping you out, your stress lessened.

You served as a huge inspiration to female college students wanting to pursue law. Since law is still perceived as a male-dominated field, you constantly pushed to make space for women in that workforce. It was also rare of you to lose a case because of the hard work you put into disproving every loophole and suggesting the correct punishments for the wrongdoers.

“You really outdid yourself once again, (Y/N). Or should I say Attorney (Y/L/N) (Y/N).”

“Shut up, Doyoung. Tell me more about your hotel staff friends. That Johnny guy seems very fun, and Jeno seems like a lovely boy.”

“Johnny’s a playful lad, always the life of the party. Jeno is like the younger brother I really wish I had. Donghyun-hyung is okay and all, but he’s so high maintenance.”

“Shush! He’s doing fantastic right now. He pursued acting like he always wanted.”

“He deserves it because he’s hard-working, like yourself, Attorney.”

You’ve never fallen in love the same way you did for Doyoung. Though you won’t lie that you’ve slept with a few men during nights out with your co-workers, committing to another man was something you had no time for. You always envisioned Doyoung as the one fucking you senseless.

People viewed it as stupid to be still lovestruck over your dead lover, but you’ve been called worst insults in your life that it doesn’t sting that much anymore. At the end of the day, your heart still soared and longed for Doyoung.

You just can never let him go.

“It’s still unfair to you, Doyoung. I should be ashamed.” The two of you were at a drive-in theater, watching from the trunk of his pickup truck. Your back laid against his chest as his fingers roam your torso in an upwards motion.

“No, you shouldn’t, (Y/N). It’s natural to desire human affection. I’m the one who should be sorry for not giving it to you.”He replied, completely ignoring the film.

You scoffed jokingly. “It’s silly how we’re so deprived of sex, especially with each other.”

“Oh, (Y/N). Don’t get me started, I’m suffering here with my hand alone while you can just find any available man.”

“Alright, alright, I’m sorry.” You surrendered, directing your head from the front to the back. “At the end of the day, it’s still your touch that still gets me weak.”

“My dear, on the day we reunite, brace yourself. I’ll show you who you really belong to.”

1973

Doyoung’s been on duty with reading books to children lately, and again, he’s aching to see what Areum’s up to. Rereading past letters from her from his birthday celebrations were driving him wild. After helping one young girl look for more books under the Madeline series, he had to make an exception. Just this once, and that would be it.

Even if he was under disguise, he desperately wanted to have just another brief conversation with her, especially that she’s a lot older compared to their last encounter. Doyoung witnessed her bloom from this imaginative young girl to a strong woman chasing after her dreams.

Like mother, like daughter.

He spotted her at a small bookstore to buy books for her classes and newly arrived ones from the States, very much interested in western literature. But upon seeing the peaked prices which were more than what she saved for, she put the book back on the shelf and gathered the ones she actually needed.

This was where Doyoung took it upon himself to offer his help. Staying long enough in the middle of the living and the dead, he was capable to turn visible.

“Stephen King, huh?” He inquired, scooting to her side and pulling out the book again to take a better look at it. He came across this book in his library, even if it was in English. “I see that you’re into horror. These books are in English though.”

Areum knew speaking to strangers is not a good thing, but if anyone reached out to her to talk about books, she can’t help but feel excited. “I’m interested in a lot of genres, and this book is pretty popular right now so I wanted to check it out. Besides, I’m reading more English books so I can become fluent one day.”

“You aren’t scared of the storylines?”

“I went through a life of hardships, sir. Nothing scares me anymore honestly.” Doyoung couldn’t help feel proud and sorry for her. Without questions, he led her to the counter and paid for all books despite her insisting not to.

“Sir, you really shouldn’t have. I can always come back for those books when I save up more.”

“It’s fine, really. With your taste in literature, you have a promising future as an author if that’s what you’re aiming for.” He complimented. Areum was frazzled at how spot on this stranger was, trying to convince him again.

“Are you sure I shouldn’t pay you back?”

“Pay me back by publishing your books.” He confidently stated, bringing out his wallet to pay the cashier. His astonishing kindness and encouragement for her are heartwarming, bowing with gratitude.

“Thank you,” She halted because she didn’t know his name.

There was no way Doyoung can disclose his actual name, so he just picked a random nickname some of the kids in the hotel who he read to coined for him. “I prefer giving people my nickname. It’s tokki.”

“Thank you, tokki. I’m Areum, Kim Areum.” She thanked him properly, struggling from carrying her things to shake his hand, but Doyoung signaled her not to.

“Nice to meet you, Areum.” He greeted back.

As Areum was more ready to part ways, Doyoung’s fatherly instincts activated due to the heavy box she held. Her dorms must be a bit far and it was already nighttime. Anything can happen.

“Excuse me, Areum. But do you mind if I help you with your books? It’s pretty late, so I just want to make you get back safe.”

Something in Areum was very willing to trust this man she just met. Sure, he was quite covered up, but it’s almost winter and maybe he didn’t want to catch a cold. Though, his intentions looked good. She’s heard stories about people getting robbed in these alleys, so she accepted his help.

Her dorms were a few blocks away, giving enough time to be acquainted with this man. Though he was the one mostly asking the questions and she answered them. She didn’t pry on it too much and went with the flow.

“Are you an only child in your family?”

“Yes. It’s also just me and my mom. I never got to meet my dad sadly. He died before I was born while battling in the Korean war.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.” No matter how long it’s been since the war, the trauma of it all still haunted Doyoung.

“It’s been years so it’s fine. I found out recently that he risked his life to save his senior officer during a surprise attack from one of my uncles. If that isn’t bravery, I don’t know what is.”

“So you’re not mad at him for leaving?” He asked, hoping he didn’t cross boundaries either. He needed this closure.

“It was hard to accept at first. All my friends grew up with their actual fathers, and I felt outcasted. But there are just some things we can’t control, you know?  Besides, people always spoke of him highly and that makes me proud. Though,” She answered honestly, covering up the bitterness in her words in other not to disrespect him. “I’m pretty sure I saw him in a dream when I was younger.”

Doyoung’s heart leaped. So she may recall quite a bit. “Oh really? What was it like?”

“The only person I told this to is my mom. It felt quite unreal, honestly. I was around 7-8 years old at that time, and we were at a carnival, enjoying the attractions and stuff. Then we transitioned to this huge library where he read me a bunch of stories. One of them was Madeline, I believe. One of my favorites!”

Doyoung replays the fond memory in his mind. Time really flew by so fast.

“What a fun dream, it seems to be.”

Areum was elated at the best memory of her youth, smiling to herself. “It truly was. It felt like I was with him, you know. No matter how many times he told me he loved me there, I still respond the same way and that nothing has changed.”

“I love you too, Areum.” He mumbled quietly. That dream should not have been the only memory they have of each other. Neither of them deserved to be parted.

Soon enough, they arrived at the front doors of her dorm residence. Since it was strictly for women, she explained that she’ll carry the box from here on.

“Thanks again for the help, tokki. I’ll make sure to pay you back soon.” She spoke so casually because, for some reason, this mysterious man felt trustworthy. Her gut feeling may fool her, but she let it pass.

“Take your time, Areum. I wish you the best of luck.”

Before they went separate ways, something about her bitter words from awhile ago bothered Doyoung and he wanted to say something about it. Because looking into the far future, if he didn’t, he knew he’ll regret it and make moving on harder.

“Wait, Areum!”

Areum abruptly reacted to the shouts of her name, almost dropping the box. She faced again the mysterious tokki, who now had an awkward stance with his hand in the air waving at you.

“Yes, tokki?”

Compiling his thoughts, here goes nothing.

“This is quite random but your dad... I just know he loves you too. He’s also proud of you for being strong and intelligent. I hope you don’t forget that.”

Areum was baffled by his statement, but it was uplifting to hear that. Maybe this tokki guy was going through the same thing as her, so she didn’t want to judge too quickly. She was taught to never judge a book by its cover from you. By the quick blinking of her eyes, some tears dropped down to her cheek. She let out some sniffles on her way up to her dorm room, reassured that this stranger may just be correct. She heard what she needed to hear.

It’s been a long time since he reunited with his daughter, even if she’s fooled into thinking that the dream was just a dream. His status as a father was renewed. Even if he got a major scolding from Manwol upon his return at the hotel for ditching his shift.

“She blamed you in public? Oh no, my love.” You consoled your lover after he told you the tale.

A lot of iconic songs were released during this decade, so this dream accommodated it. It was set in a jazz bar, where all sorts of alcohol on display with assorted vinyl CDs by the platform at the end. Dimly lit with numerous empty tables and chairs, and it was only the two of you. Dressed to the nines for the occasion, your flimsy hands couldn’t stop playing with your hoop earrings. A definite staple while you swayed your hips to the beat of Superstition by Stevie Wonder.

Doyoung sat in one of the bar stools in a red v-neck top and flare pants, marveling at your physique and movements in that indigo romper. You could feel his fiery stare, your body flowing through the groove to capture him into your spell. The dream version of him always gets easily distracted when you act suggestive, especially when he isn’t in control physically. Only his words can he sort out.

Dancing towards him, you dragged his arms away from his seated position to lead him to the empty dance floor.

“Let’s dance off the stress, shall we?”

Pulling off the famous dance moves and grooving in freestyle, it was a blast. Both your young energies were in sync. From the funky beat, it shuffled into a slower yet soulful song. The unwinding mood could only mean that this dream was reaching its end. You took Doyoung’s arms again, placing one on your waist and the other interlocked with you. Taking the lead, you waltzed back and forth, twirling yourself in his arms.

Doyoung cracked a smile from the phone and in the dream, immersing himself in the lovely song. It was always played on the radio during the late-night shows, dedicated for the couples out there. With you, he could finally understand why couples request it every night.

“You are the sunshine of my life,” He sang along while feeling your heartbeat against his chest. “That's why I'll always stay around.”

“You are the apple of my eye,” You carried from where he left off, equally resonating with the lyrics. No matter how many times you’ve said or expressed your patience for each other, this song held a special place. It summed up everything you’re both fighting for.

“Forever, you'll stay in my heart.”

1980s

It came to Doyoung’s attention that there’s a new member of the hotel staff, and Manwol put him in charge of touring this new addition around and orienting them about the hotel rules. Considering he wasn’t busy, he went for it.

This person would be the replacement of Johnny, who finally passed through the afterlife in high spirits after his younger brother Mark took his rightful place as the heir of their family business. Originally, it was him, but his stepmother and stepbrother stabbed him alongside his father to get ahold of the power. Without proof, they led the business as she freely did, overworking Mark numerously and spending their money to their heart’s desire.

Doyoung couldn’t let this pass. Since Manwol hired a human manager back in the ‘70s named Kun to better facilitate human-related affairs for the hotel (taxes, bills, etc), he requested him to talk to Mark then introduce him to you.

Kun also made sure to inform you that this was Doyoung’s idea.

“This Johnny is the same Johnny that Doyoung talks about in my dreams? The one who brings the fun out of him every once and while?”

“That’s right, Ms. (Y/L/N). Due to the betrayal, he can’t move on until his stepbrother is taken down.”

The fact that Kun was a bridge to the two of you felt miraculous. Now and then, Doyoung tasked Kun to buy you flowers or coffee whenever they meet. Sometimes, he’ll ask him to send his letters to you too. In return, you replied to those letters, attaching pictures of you and Areum over time. He hung it up in his office, taking a look before every shift.

Kun didn’t mind being in the middle. While Doyoung gave her cases to work on, it makes it easier for him to wait for her. Doyoung was a guest first before being a member of staff, and as the human manager, he’ll make sure that he gets to move on too.

Even if you don’t accept cases from big companies, the touching way how Mark described his passed older brother persuaded her otherwise. He even opened up about watching his father and older brother get killed right in front of him. From there, he was held hostage for years and never told anyone about that night.

It was undoubtedly the biggest case in your career. Up until this day, everyone still talks about how complex and intense the battle was.

“Always finding a way to make justice prevail, Kim Doyoung.” You thought to yourself after gathering more evidence from Mark and Kun, working closely also with forensics and the police.

And that you did. With additional information on Johnny’s side, which helped find the empty puzzle pieces to prove his stepfamily’s guilt, they won the case. Life imprisonment and forced transferring of roles, Mark became the CEO. All those involved in hiding the truth got caught and fired from their positions.

You deserved your influential status, and due to your never-ending service, Doyoung found himself falling in love with you over and over again. Even from far away, you felt his connection and passion.

Currently, you were dealing with five cases, one of them being another request for Kun and Doyoung. It was for the murder of Yuta Nakamoto in the late 40s.

Being a migrant from Japan, numerous Koreans held grudges for their people. He was mistreated and disrespected, even if he had the most caring soul. He even found love, ready to get wed. But one normal evening after his job as a Japanese teacher, he was mobbed by Koreans and heartlessly killed. At first, he wanted vengeance. But after Manwol telling stories of souls burning into ashes when they get revenge, he changed his objective to watch the demise of all his killers, who became very influential people in Korean society.

Representing with you was his former lover, Sooyoung. No matter how many times she tried to appeal to the court in the past, no one paid attention because she was a woman and interracial relationships were taboo. Even if Yuta held a special place in her heart, she eventually got married to another man. In the beginning, she felt guilty, but after Yuta told her in a dream call that she shouldn’t be afraid to open herself up again, she never held back. And as a fellow woman who’s been ostracized, you sided with her.

She may not have her happy ending with Yuta, but it only felt right to avenge his wrongful death.

It’s a tough battle, these murderous men not owning up to their crime, and the public also discriminating the dead man by saying he deserved it. But you knew you could do it, even if it’ll take a while.

Back to the newbie, he was in his early twenties. He went by the name, Jaehyun. Just about to start his life, yet taken away just like that. Aside from being the next bartender, he has another position as the vinyl boy in the music section of the library. It came to Manwol’s attention that he wanted to pursue music when he was alive, listening to vinyl CDs or cassette players and taking singing and piano lessons growing up. While he figured out what he wants to do while moving on, he’d be in charge of organizing and playing music for the souls checked in. Sing even if requested, especially by the women who are charmed by his attractive looks.

He was a literal old soul, jazz being his favorite genre. Most of the time, he played Chet Baker or Frank Sinatra when it’s his shift at the bar. He was known for always showing his best and happy-go-lucky sides to everyone.

It took him a few years to start opening about his life, longer than most souls. But maybe because the trauma of it all stung. One night, when he, Doyoung, and Kun weren’t working, he mixed a few cocktails and completely fell off the radar.

“I was a part of a duo with one of my best friends, Hongseok. It was really fun to perform and make music with him, but then he suddenly got into drugs and had a ton load of groupies. I-I just couldn’t do it anymore with him if he wasn’t going to stop. Once I cut off ties with him, I was signed by a class A producer who loved my compositions. He even got me all sorts of opportunities to perform on TV, and I was so excited for it. But one week until I made my official debut, Hongseok reached out again with apologies, wanting to meet up so we can fix ties. I was hesitant, but I still give him the benefit of the doubt because we go way back….” He confessed, puffing out smoke from his cigarette and putting it down on the ashtray. Before he continued his story, he scoffed with profanities.

“That bitch. I fucking trusted him! I was too good to give him another shot. So after practice, he sent me an address to his apartment or so I thought. We were having drinks, just like old times. But something felt off feel when my mind started feeling hazy and I started coughing continuously because my stomach ached like crazy. He asked me if I was fine, and I told him I was. Then suddenly, baam!” He crashed his hands on the table, shocking the hell out of his two companions.

“Holy fuck, Jaehyun.” Kun cursed under his breath. Doyoung nudged him the shoulder to mind his language.

“The deities are watching you, Kun. Let Jaehyun-ie continue.”

So he did. “There I was, standing beside my dead body while Hongseok rummaged with surgical gloves through my bag to steal my notebook of songs. He planted cocaine on the table where I conversed with him, and also in front of my face. Beside my glass, he laid the vial of poison he used and called the cops. With fake tears, he cried on the phone saying that he came home to my dead body and a suicide note.”

Stillness between the three of them was filled with betrayal and disappointment. For a so-called friend, this must be the worst thing you can do to them. To lessen his suffering, Jaehyun brought back his actively lit cigarette and smoked it until all the tobacco was gone. Exhaling a dark grey smoke, he spat out.

“I-I couldn’t believe it, hyungs. I lost everything after making the wrong decision of seeing him. And now, he signed under that label that found me to “give honor to my talent”. How tragic that I suddenly took my life he’d say, oh bullshit! You took away my life because you were jealous!”

Kun decided to call it a night, requesting Yukhei who’s on duty to take Jaehyun’s upcoming shifts so he could calm down. Escorting his intoxicated figure out so the other guests won’t feel bothered, Doyoung contemplated if he wanted to forward another case to you. You’ve been getting so much workload lately, according to Kun, because your success rate is high and highly in demand.

“What happened to Jaehyun?” Manwol showed up from behind, sitting across him. “Did he finally tell his story?”

Doyoung mildly groaned, devastated by it. “He did, and it breaks my heart. He’s still so young, like me.”

“What are you going to do about it?” Manwol stirred the spare cocktail, ingesting it in one go. “Is it another case worth forwarding to (Y/N)?”

“If it helps Jaehyun move on, possibly. I know it’s hard to find staff these days, Manwol. Also, she’s stacked already. I don’t know if she’ll take it.”

She snickered, patting his shoulder. “You know if it’s from you, it becomes her priority. She loves you that much, you know.”

“I know, but I wish I could help her. In person. I would’ve been a lawyer and taken Jaehyun’s case if I were alive. Murder in the first degree, false reporting to the police, stealing, his persecutor is insane and still walking free.”

The fire of passion in Doyoung wasn’t new to Manwol, nodding as he spoke. He was capable of a lot of things, but the world just wasn’t ready to see it. She was more concerned at how the deities will react when he engages in human affairs again. Even if it helps a lot of ghosts move on, it’s highly discouraged to interfere with the living world. It’ll ruin the entire flow of the world.

Doyoung already knew what he got himself into, but it’s one of the few ways he still feels relevant. Always in service for anyone who needs it, dead or alive. If the deities take him away, it’s no joke that it’ll be a riot in the entire hotel.

“In that case,” Manwol’s piercing eyes scanned right at him, filling up his glass with vodka. Second to Doyoung, she grew a fond liking to Jaehyun. She never knew how much he’s been hiding during his stay. “Forward it no matter what. End his murderer’s career at all costs.”

Doyoung smirked, lifting his glass high to clink with hers then chugging it one go.

“I’ll investigate first with Kun to know more about Jaehyun’s life, then we’ll look for someone who wants to testify for Jaehyun to meet with (Y/N).”

Amid the craze and problems in the hotel, at least Doyoung was at ease with how successful his family. Areum became a well-known author for fairytales, got married, and had 3 kids of her own. She most definitely didn’t live down to Doyoung’s promise.

“Is he a nice guy?” Doyoung inspected the man who married his only daughter. It felt like yesterday they played around in the carnival room.

“He is, Doyoung. Intelligent and caring, nothing to worry about.” You calmed his shaking leg, resting your head on his shoulder while you watch the fireflies from the campfire set prepared by the deities.

“I’m just looking out for her, you know.”

“She most definitely does know, even telling stories about us to her kids. Our grandchildren.”

“It’s hard to believe that we’re technically old when we’re always young in these dreams.”

“Maybe it’s just you being used to your youth. Meanwhile, aging is beating my ass every day.” You joked, covering yourself up in the blanket you shared. Doyoung’s bottom lip jutted out, huffing at your mean comments.

“Yah, you take that back.”

“Make me.” You fired back, riling him up.

Doyoung in the dream attacked you by tickling your sides mercilessly. Your body uncontrollably arched back and forth, falling back to the blanket you sat at. He took the advantage to pin you down, gripping on your arms to the side. With his face near yours, you closed the gap with a cheeky kiss. His touch softened, allowing you to pull him lower by his collar. Your lips molded together in every movement, feeling his tongue lick your lower lip for entrance. You freely gave in, moaning filthily.

“Didn’t even have to test me like that, my love.”

How you wished this was longer, if it weren’t for the fast fading out, and morning has arrived again. A short-lived euphoria, yet it left your panties drenched under the covers. The arousal still ran in your veins.

“Kim Doyoung, you tease.”

Back to your real life, aside from bravely taking on controversial cases, there was a thrill in every case you did and it showed by your fast-paced talking and hand gestures. Whether you won or lost, mostly the former, knowing that you helped someone made your life more meaningful.

He often forgot how you’re a grandmother during your dream calls already as time flows differently within the living and the dead. They were the only way you can be youthful and energetic. But with your actual body, it began to weaken.

Early 1990s

Nature decided to take heavier measures on you physically. On one of the monthly visits to the doctor, she noticed something off with the checkup and tests. Especially in the chest area.

“Ms. (Y/L/N) (Y/N), I’m afraid that you have a growing lump in your breast.”

“Are you saying what I’m thinking?”

“If breast cancer is one of those though, then unfortunately yes.”

Areum was by your side that day, tearing up at her announcement. You, on the other hand, remained still and nodding at the truth. You’ve fought for a lot of things in your life, and you were so determined to beat this one.

Chemotherapy, medications, and scans are tiring and draining, but you managed to live for 2 more years. You’ve fully retired, and now and then, mentor the juniors with their cases. You’ve traveled to as many places as you can before the stages of cancer rose.

In your last months of life, you were bedridden in the most expensive hospital in Seoul, getting visits from Areum with her family, Jungwoo and Taeyong. As the latter served as definite friends to Doyoung, it was only natural to befriend them when they came into your life post-war. They supported Areum in any way they can too.  They’ve become a great company in your boring life especially in the hospital. Nowadays, Jungwoo loved sharing stories about his hyper grandchildren, who share similar traits to him, while Taeyong excitedly talked about his recent investment with a promising music company with the dream to debut talented individuals and go international in the long run.

“Mr. Lee Soo Man is dedicated to it! He hopes that next year, all his plans can start and be executed.”

“You’re always investing in start-ups, you know? You think this one will be bigger than the rest?”

“Music is universal, you know. Language barriers may be there, but music brings us together.”

Taeyong was always a delight to catch up with. However, you didn’t expect that conversation would be your last with him. A few days later, he suffered a sudden heart attack and passed. This was a sign that your time was coming. Your body falling more and more feeble every day as the disease fully took you over at night, the monitors always going on a high every so often.

It’s only a matter of time before you leave this life, and looking back, you’ve lived a tough yet productive life. Your daughter was happy and thriving in her career and family. You helped families and couples from their abusive households. You defended those with loved ones who were murdered, robbed, and lied to. You ticked off all you wanted to do beforehand.

Areum made sure to visit that night specifically as soon as she could. With your recent test results have been failing, her gut feeling kept insisting.

It’s a good thing she did.

Meanwhile, it was another day of work for Doyoung, just returning a bunch of books in their respective shelves after some teenagers left on the table. Before that, he bid Taeyong goodbye in the tunnel. It’s always nice to see a familiar face, so he couldn’t miss out on it. He shared any life stories he had with you, updating him about your state. Doyoung knew about it beforehand, and as selfish enough to look forward to it, it pained him to know you’re suffering. He only hoped you could fight through it.

“Doyoung-hyung!” Someone suddenly shouted, but he was shushed by an old lady reading her romance novel, who pointed at the sign that read “Keep quiet in the library”.

Doyoung was also annoyed, instantly nagging on the point person. “Kun! Can you read the sign? Jeez, this isn’t the first time so please-”

“(Y/N) is going off the monitor.” He blurted out. The news from one of the nurses he befriended buzzed through his phone. After finding out about his story, he wanted to help Doyoung especially when he was still alive. Doyoung may a part of the staff, but he’s still a guest. He dropped everything in his hands. Before he could race to the hospital, he changed into a specific outfit for this occasion.

This was it.

Areum was the only one by your side of your hospital bed, weeping due to your weak state. You didn’t want your other family members to witness this crucial moment. It stung that you’ll miss out on the futures of your grandchildren, but you were satisfied to just be a part of their lives. All this machinery trying to sustain your life served its purpose, but the illness you’re fighting was stronger.

“Mom....” Areum sniffled in her handkerchief, holding on to your boney hand. “I’m not ready for you to go.”

“Oh, Areum.” Your thumb caressed her soft palm as reassurance. “You grew up so well. An independent woman you are, you are so loved.”

“Mom, please....” She begged. “I can’t lose you too.”

You will never know how Areum held in her sorrow of not being able to grow up with her father. She hated the feeling of being fully abandoned. She wanted things and people to return to her, but she can’t make that choice. Being by her side all her life, losing you will be the hardest struggle she’ll have to face.

“Areum, you must understand...” You paused as a pang of pain in your chest stabs you. After a minute of enduring it, you continued. “...We are put on this world for a specific time. And if we’re called to leave, we must face it.”

She whimpered whilst holding on to your hand. She really thought you can get through this one like the rest, but your hair has gone, your body lost much weight, and your eyes lost their light.

“Mom, are you happy? You’ve fought through so much to get where you are. I can never do what you did.”

“Y-Yes, I am.” You stuttered, gracing a promising smile. “I had you, our families, and your father watching over me..”

The dreams you get on your birthday were fairytale-like stories that pushed Areum to become an author. She denied how unrealistic and supernatural they were at first. Another trait of Doyoung she got. However, when she noticed how wider your smiles are and energetic you get in the mornings after rather the feeling of distraught, she reckoned to believe they were something special. Despite knowing your love story and its downfall, she felt exhilarated at the things you and her dad did there. In a way, it brings him closer to her. But she still had that void.

“I envy you for that, mom. I wish I met him or at least came to me even if I least expected it!”

Oh, little did she know about that time in the bookstore back in the 70s. It was not coincidental; you and Doyoung planned it very well. You just played along to her complaint, alerted that this wasn’t your story to tell at this time. “Forgive your father just this once, okay? He never wanted this kind of fate for any of us. If one thing stayed constant in those dreams, it’s him always asking how you are doing.”

Her tears become uncontrollable, allowing herself to get puffy eyes and let it all out. “When you see him, please tell him I’m sorry and that I love him no matter.” “Oh, Areum. He knows that, so don’t worry about it.”

The clock was ticking for Areum before she’ll be asked to leave. With you bringing up her father again, she had one last question. Her courage to ask it was so little when she was young in fear you sulk and break down. It hurt her when the bad parts of your past tormented you.

“How much do you miss him?” The question put you in a point of self-reflection. The only person you’ve opened up to talk about him in detail was Areum. Even with your friendships with Taeyong and Jungwoo, there were some things you never disclosed with them. And never did they force you to answer because they can read you on the back of their heads: you’re still heartbroken, yet remained devoted to him.

“I miss him so much that even if this became my fate for accepting his notebook back in our university days, I would foolishly do it all over again. In those times he was no longer with us, it taught me to appreciate what and who we have in our lives because tomorrow is never guaranteed. From his impact, I learned to take care of myself again so I can take better care of you. I’m grateful you were born; he left a piece of him for me.”

“You’ve suffered so much, mom. I hope you can rest peacefully.”

“Thank you for never leaving my side, Areum.” A few tears escaped your eyes, infectious to your daughter’s gloom. “I love you.”

Meanwhile, Doyoung was right outside viewing you and Areum sharing your last conversation and goodbyes. As much as he looked forward to reuniting with you, he didn’t want to leave his only daughter alone. The deities should have shown her more mercy. Still invisible, he observed how Areum trembled when she heavily closed the door of your hospital room. Covering her sobs with her handkerchief, she took one last look through the small glass of the door. You dove into a deep sleep that would then be unawakened.

“I hope your next life is happier than this, mom, and you can cross paths again with dad and grow old with him too.”

Doyoung’s urge to show himself to his daughter to console her was overpowering him, but he restrained himself this time. A few hours later, your consciousness was faltering. Your five senses were losing touch one by one. Important memories of your long life played in your mind. Then your heart gave in and stopped beating. The doctors present there have pronounced you dead. The transition from your body to your soul watching it be covered by a blanket by the nurses was swift yet strange. You didn’t know where to go and what’s next. No book prepared you for this nor can you ask the doctors what to do. Standing there lost with so many questions, it only took someone’s enthusiastic calling for your name to soothe you down.

“(Y/N)!”

It hit you instantaneously that when your day comes, Doyoung would call for your name. Your old age and past illness really affected your memories. He was an honest man and kept to his word this time.

And there he was, just along the hallway.

This was no longer a dream.

This novel kind of exhilaration got you moving your feet, still sore and slow because you were still an old lady.

“Doyoung!”

You shouted back, over and over again before your boney hands slid open the door. At the same time, your old figure drastically and permanently transformed you back to your active twenties. Nothing physically hurt anymore and your energy was on an all-time high. Your room was the last on the floor, a dead end. The left side of the hallway was just a closed window pane.

When you stepped outside and turned to your right, there he properly stood. He wore the same suit and suspenders combination on the day he approached you on your bike. The actual soul of Kim Doyoung who was no longer behind the phone. No matter how many times he’s seen you from afar, it makes him lose his breath from the captivation. For once, he can see you without barriers.

You just realized how you were dressed back into the floral dress on the day you had your first proper conversation. It’s like you’re meeting each other again for the first time. The beeping sounds of the monitors, wheelchairs moving, and chitter-chatter exchanged by doctors went mute. Stunned, you couldn’t stop looking eye to eye at him, cherishing this special moment.

It finally processed to Doyoung that his patience and efforts paid off. In this journey of acceptance, while enduring its trials, it added up to this sweet result to be reunited with you. The adrenaline rush took control of your limbs, legs running to him on the other side.

As his arms widened for a hug, he spun and picked you around in the air. His arms firmly wrap around your waist while your head snuggled on top of his shoulder. You felt safe, warm, and alleviated. Once he put you back down, the overwhelming joy wasn’t keen to pull away from your lover. Doyoung’s lips somehow got closer to yours, your heart skipping beats and his familiar scent intoxicating your thoughts.

With Doyoung still having you wrapped in his arms, he took his awaited chance to close into your parted lips. The fluttering in your stomach was on overdrive, your entire body reacting immediately from his passion. One hand curled into a fist on the hem of his buttoned top while the other rubbed the back of his head. Your legs almost gave in, but with Doyoung’s strength, he held you tight. No previous kiss felt like this. You didn’t have to worry about getting caught by adults for such a provocative display of affection. Your roommate wasn’t going to splash water if she catches you getting frisky on campus. As for Doyoung, he didn’t have to get paranoid about what his classmates would say about their relationship. You were both in your own world for a while.

But wanting to catch a breather from his thrilling dominance, your lips hesitantly moved away first. You took your time to get lost in admiring his features. Wet, swollen lips, flushed cheeks, his dazed eyes, he was irresistible, to say the least.

This was how an almost 50-year build-up would end up to.

“My love, it’s really you,” You finally spoke, caressing your thumb on his flushed cheek. “You’ve been through so much.”

As lovestruck as he is, his pent-up tears streamed down instantly. Except they were tears of joy. All those years he held back.

“I’ve missed you so much, (Y/N). I’m just happy you’re finally here with me.”

He wasn’t joking when he said that the main lobby alone was exquisite after walking through the city. Aside from Kun, that’s where he introduced you to other staff he worked with, such as Jeno, Jaehyun, and the boss herself, Manwol.

“This boy stayed very loyal, you know?” She commended Doyoung. It was a rare thing with her cold-hearted and aggressive personality. “He read to a lot of kids, taught some of them too, and recommended great books for the souls to read. He listened to a lot of souls who wanted justice then forwarded them to you so they can cross the other side.”

An honor to hear from the owner herself, you glanced at Doyoung with so much love. Such a giver than a receiver.

Beside Manwol was someone whom you aspired to meet. Unfortunately, you never met the other boys you’ve helped, so this was a great chance to see at least one before moving on. Hearing about his case and the treachery of it, you made sure to work on it before you retired, eventually passing it on to one of your trusted juniors. So far, his side was winning and that’s all you wanted.

“Jeong Jaehyun.” You held on to his clasped hands as he bowed to you.

“Attorney (Y/L/N). I’m so grateful for what you’re doing for me.”

“Oh, just call me (Y/N). By the way, your side is winning, my dear. Your younger brother Sungchan is committed to clearing up your name, and that evil Hongseok will rot in life imprisonment for his crimes.” You updated him. Without self-restraint, his arms gather you in for a hug. Jaehyun wasn’t much for affection, but this felt like the right circumstance. In return, you hugged him back.

“Thanks to you, Johnny and Yuta are resting in peace.”

“And you are next, Jaehyun. My junior taking your case is topnotch, so you’re bound to get what you truthfully deserve.”

After sharing such a heartfelt moment, you asserted your attention to Jeno. Not going to lie, you’ve looked forward to meeting this boy the most. He was there with Doyoung from the very beginning.

“Doyoung-hyung gets giddy after he makes a call, and tells me everything that you’ve been up to.” Jeno joined in. “He gets grumpy though too, so I like pestering him around to light him up. Oh, I’ll never know what you see in him, (Y/N).”

That gave him a joking slap on the shoulder by Doyoung, signaling to cut it out.  

“Hyung!” He fakely cried, hiding his face behind Jaehyun’s shoulder.

You suppressed a laugh, eventually sputtering out like an engine. Doyoung sighed, failing to redeem himself. But it’s alright. A simple peck from you on his cheek got him all flustered.

“Aish, take your romantic shenanigans when you’re in your room, not in my damn lobby.” Manwol cringed, the evident love bug getting on her nerves. “Alright, everyone. Get back to work!”

Checking in your room was an experience. Since you’ve been to numerous places through the dream calls, there was one main thing you’ve missed to do with Doyoung. As soon as he lifted you by your thighs and roughly shoved his tongue down your throat, you were in for a heated evening. This dominant side of Doyoung when it came to sex was completely fresh. After diving into more erotica over time, he learned about visual porn through Johnny and Jeno. You can say that he studied it very well.

“Almost 40 years of waiting, (Y/N).” He trapped you from above, sliding one of his hands to your bare breasts until it landed on your clothed core. Rubbing up and down your clit in a torturously slow place, he smirked at your desperate whines. Your breaths turned heavy, soaked by his actions. “Remember when I told you to brace yourself back then?”

“Shit, Doyoung...”

“Shush love, I’m in control now. So be a good girl for me, alright?” He growled in your ear, sucking on your soft spot on your neck. You obeyed that night, unbuttoning his shirt impatiently only to reveal his toned abdomen then lowering his crotch to give it a tight squeeze.

He hissed against your neck, pushing your panties to the side and sliding in your wetness.

“You are asking for it now, love.”

A steamy night it was, making up for all those lost years.

The following day, the struggle to walk was real. Jeno even pointed out your limping when you were roaming around the library Doyoung worked at. You never had a younger sibling, but he acted like one. So you punched him in the shoulder to shut up. “Jeez, you’re both so physical. Let me live!”

“Jeno, you’re dead. Don’t say nonsensical things.”

You learned how this hotel’s main purpose was to guide and fulfill the last wishes of ghosts in the living world before moving on. When Jeno asked you if you still have unfinished business, you realized that there is one thing left. Even if you completed your bucket list, that one thing is only possible through the hotel. You and Doyoung sat across Manwol, monitoring your shared dream call like she always did.

“Is this really the only thing you want to do here, (Y/N)?” Positively nodding, she gave you the signal to lift up the phone.

Areum found herself in an unfamiliar forest nearby a river during the day. Even she’s always like playing outside with nature in her childhood years, this location didn’t ring a bell. In fact, she was physically back to being that young girl with the same mature mind in this dream.

She wasn’t a vivid dreamer like yourself, forgetting them as so as she woke up. Even in that “dream” with her father, there were so many gaps. So for this one time, she can fully grasp her surroundings. This dream must have a purpose, she wondered.

While she followed the path that the dream assumed for her to take, she then clearly caught a glimpse of a younger you at the end of that path. Running around and laughing in the grass.

“Mom!” She called out, moving at a faster pace. It’s a good thing this dream brought her back her agility.

At the end of the path, it unveiled you lying down on the grass. Wearing in a dainty dress that reminded her of the 50s, there was an unfamiliar young man beside you. His head face planted on the grass because you pushed him off your body when he tried to tickle you.

It turned out that she arrived at your favorite spot with Doyoung. She’s only heard stories of things you’ve done and talked about her, but due to the war, their spot was devastated. Soon after, it turned into a small condominium building overlooking the river.

“Areum!” You squealed cheerfully to hear her much younger voice. She tackled you in a hug, and you still naturally felt it from where you sat.

“My sweet child,” You cooed in her, patting her back. “How are you?”

“It’s been difficult, but I’ll get by in time.” That was the first thing she managed to say, the grief being very much fresh. No mother wants to be separated from her child, and you weren’t exempted. But that is how life works: you come then you go. The truth tends to hurt.

It was obvious to Doyoung that you were still saddened by leaving Areum, taking this opportunity to give you space and finally interact with his daughter. No disguises nor distance. While the most important women in his life are still hugging in the dream, he pulls himself off from the grass and brushes away some leaves from his hair.

“Areum, I see you paid me back by having top-selling books for children.”

Areum peeked from your shoulder to check who the other man was by your side talking to her. Once he was clean from dirt and leaves, there was the only person he resonated with her. From pictures and stories shared by you, the actual man was with her.

Her actual father was in this dream with her.

“Dad!” She abruptly pulled away from you to approach her father for a bigger hug. You don’t blame her for that, she deserved to see her father even for a bit.

Years of having that empty void only for her biological father, she could care less at this very moment

Doyoung has never cried in a dream call with you, however, this long-awaited moment with his daughter resulted in him softly bawling while feeling her hugs from the chair. He’s proud and at peace to move on not just as your lover or a passionate university student, but as a father.

In their moment of content, only there did it make complete sense to Areum at the unusual memory during the ‘70s at the bookstore wasn’t random. It proved that he really did his best to reach out to her in any way he could.

“This whole time, you were the mysterious tokki. I just thought it was a coincidence. I’m so sorry, dad, that I didn’t notice you.” She sulks. Doyoung in the dream pats her back while lovingly rubbing the nape of her head.

“Oh, Areum. Don’t feel bad. I just wanted to see how much my little girl became independent and studious.” He replies, comforting the disheartened child. “I read all the letters you sent me during my birthday. I was touched then and touched now for this moment. I am proud of you, my daughter. And my love for you never changed.”

The affirmation in his words put Areum in a state of joy, rekindling that spark from the 70s. “I love you, dad.”

Your last mission in this world was to have a special outing with your complete family. Regret was always prevalent in the past, wanting to do this and that but never pushed through. But not in this dream. Just the three of you, happy and carefree from it all.

Unfortunately, Manwol just gave a hand signal that your time was almost up. Time flies by so quickly when you’re fully immersed in something you’re enjoying. Doyoung wasn’t capable to bear the bad news, but with you by his side, you helped him.

“Areum, it’s time for us to go.”

Areum sighed, reality seeping back into the situation. One sleep isn’t enough to make up years of loss. However, she still managed to remain positive in those circumstances. “I wish things worked out differently for our family, but who knows what our next lives will take us?”

In an instant, the two of you in the dream gave your daughter a big group hug. One she’s always yearned for. It’s moments like this where you mustn’t take anything for granted with your family.

“I’m happy you’re reunited with each other, mom and dad. Rest well.” She whispers with a smile, feeling fulfilled. She can grace the living world without wondering how things would be like with a complete set of parents anymore. This dream call successfully filled that empty void in her heart.

Once you’ve bid your final farewell and hung up the phone, you and Doyoung can say the same. A little bittersweet, but it lightened all the burdens in your hearts. The both of you can ultimately rest peacefully and move on.

The timing was perfect for Kun to inform you that the car taking you to the bridge leading to the afterlife was ready.

Jeno, Manwol, Kun, and Jaehyun didn’t want to miss out on this moment, waving farewells to you both. This lifetime may have taken you away from each other physically for a long time, but you still held on to each other. Most people gave up, though it’s not wrong either. It’s better to let go rather than holding on sometimes.

But the both of you were different, something, not even the deities didn’t expect. It’s only up to them to decide if they’ll give you another chance to be together and relive a longer life. A very rare sight indeed. To be granted or not, your story set a standard.

That a love so strong is so patient it endured all the challenges and stress.

“On to the next life, Doyoung?” You asked him, leaning against his shoulder as the car drove under the tunnel. All at the end of it was merely a white sky, where a long bridge awaited them.

“Make sure you wait for me this time.” 

[blue-angel-wings]

Halloween with Angel.

Word count: 1,468

Characters: Angel Reyes x reader (Y/N), Gilly Lopez, Coco Cruz, Leticia Cruz.

Warnings: Cursing, Halloween (? Idk some people don’t like it 🤷‍♀️)

It was nearing Halloween, and whilst all your neighbours had started to decorate their homes and front lawns, yours was bare and depressing, due to no fault of your own. Your boyfriend Angel had made it clear that the decorations in the house you to shared were perfectly fine and served their purpose but Christ they were depressing.

The decorations were disgusting collecting dust and growing mould from being thrown randomly in the attic and you were struggling to tell the difference between the real and fake spiders. But Angel had yet to grant you the permission to buy new decorations. Not that you need explicit permission but you viewed you and Angel as a team so you made decisions like these together. Sadly.

You and Angel had lived together for years at this point so you got used to each other’s ways and quirks, so really Angel should’ve been prepared for your enthusiasm for the holiday.

“Knock, knock and I’m already in.” Said your brother whilst you were sat a the table eating breakfast. Angel had gone for shower a few minutes ago so the house was quiet apart from the quiet sound of the water running.

“Hey Y/B/N, you okay?” You rounded the corner of the island to see your brother with your niece wearing a cute little pumpkin onesie.

“And hello to you too precious girl!” You cooed to the young baby currently yanking on your hoop earrings. You tickled her tummy just to hear her giggles whilst your brother babbled on about work. Obviously hearing the adorable shriek of laughter from your niece, Angel entered the kitchen and snatched her from your arms to have his fill of the baby cuteness. Begrudgingly you turn to brother to now pay attention to his words.

“So I was wondering if you remember where it is that Mama always took us for Halloween so we could go to the ‘kid friendly’ haunted house.” He said making air quotations when saying kid friendly. He stole a piece of bacon whilst you took your mind back to time when you were younger.

“Yeah she just took us to the garden centre, god knows if they still do it, people always complained it was a bit scary.” you reminded him, whilst continuing your breakfast.

“So you wanna go, think it would be a bit of fun, take us back to our childhood and pass on the tradition to Mia.” Your bother spoke whilst removing Mia from Angel’s arms, she fussed a little but settled quickly.

“Yes! I can get new decorations for the house, they have the best decorations!” You bolted out of the chair heading to door before Angel spoke up. “ No! We don’t need decorations we have them here.”

“But Angel-“

“No babe I’m putting my foot down, please it’s a waste of money, just don’t. You’ll spend more time putting them up and taking them back down than them actually be img on display!”

“Ooh he’s putting his foot down.” Your brother mocked, provoking Angel to throw the tea towel at him.

“Fine I won’t bring home any new decorations.”

“Thank you, I love you baby.” Angel spoke kissing your forehead and leaving to speak with the guys about an incoming run.

You stuck to your word, and didn’t return with any decorations, that’s because you ordered them to arrive to your home a few days later. This was for multiple reasons, 1) you couldn’t fit them all in your car and Angel would flip his shit if he saw you carry what is seemingly the whole store and 2) You knew Angel was going on a run so you order it to come whilst he was out. It was perfect because by the time it all up and looking pretty it would be too late. What can you say, you always get your way.

The day arrived and you were buzzing, it was time to get your spooky season started. You woke up alone in bed which wasn’t strange, as Angel was due to be on a run. It wasn’t until you heard yelling and swearing in the living room did you discover that was not the case. Walking out you were greeted with site of your boyfriend and his 2 extra shadows Gilly, sat at the table eating your food, and Coco sat next to Angel playing PlayStation.

“What are you doing here?” You exclaimed from shock.

“Uhh I live here-“

“I’ve been paying the bills with you for the past 2 years.”

When you don’t respond to the comment and continue to stare at him confused.

He points to his chest stating, “I am Angel” condescendingly thinking it’s funny.

“You’re supposed to be on a run.”

“It was only a small run,we weren’t needed.” He said shrugging like it was nothing when I’m reality it was huge.

“Damn Y/N you ain’t happy to see us?” Coco asks standing to hug you, you accept the embrace with a smile but on the inside you are screaming, why did he have to be here when you don’t need him to be but gone when you did need him?

A few hours into the day and they were still here and your delivery when due to arrive imminently.

“Don’t you want to go to the clubhouse I mean it’s more fun there, I mean you spend every waking second of your days there anyway why not go there now.” You exclaimed getting antsy.

“Nah we’re good.” Coco replied, you roll your eyes and spin on your heel to go to the kitchen and watch for your delivery of doom to pull up. “Why you trynna to get rid of us sweetheart?” Gilly asked jokingly, startling you in the process. “The other day I went to the store with my brother and bought way to many Halloween decorations when he specifically told me to not to and I thought by having them delivered whilst he was on his run, it’d be too late for him to do anything about it but now I know he isn’t on a run that planned it fucked.” You confessed. “Well damn baby you in shit now.” “Gilly” you whined palming his chest softly.

“Okay stop I’ll get him out and tell Coco to call Leti to come and help you put them up. Don’t stressed your pretty head!” He said tapping your temple.

“Thank you Gilly you are a lifesaver!”

“I know baby, it’s a gift.” He joked shrugging his shoulders like it was nothing.

Gilly stuck to his word and got them out the house, just before the delivery turned up. Coco had indeed called Leti to help you but you guys spent more time gossiping than actually hanging anything.

“ I think you may have gone a little too far with this.” She said holding a 7ft robotic witch on your porch swing as you cable tied it’s ankles to the structure of your porch, so the kids didn’t steal it.

“Oh shush you’re as bad as Angel, it looks great so don’t complain, it was worth all the time it spent to put it up and the ...$300 it actually cost.” You muttered the last bit hoping she didn’t pick it up.

“ Y/N, holy sh-“ she was cut off by the roar of bikes coming down the street, announcing the arrival of your man and his brothers.

You braced yourself for the backlash but when you turned around to man your man he had nothing but a smile on his face, Coco and Gilly hung back on the bikes whilst Angel took in the scene.

“Baby-“ you started.

“I like it.”

“What?”

“I knew you couldn’t resist the decorations at the store and when you came back home empty handed I was shocked, then earlier when you wanted us out I knew you had this arriving.” He exclaimed gesturing the house covered in fake cobwebs and pumpkins, and obviously the freaky witch on the porch. You breathed a sigh of relief and looked up at him with total adoration.

“ I love you Angel, thank you for understanding but your lazy ass coulda helped if you knew.” You complained cuddling into his side. He chuckled lowly. The moment was ruined by a scream and then followed by a gunshot. You ducked into Angel from the fear.

“You scary motherfucker, jump at me and imma shoot yo’ ass! Do it again hoe and see what happens.” Coco shouted with gun pointed at the witch.

“What the fuck Coco it’s not real.” You pointed to the now ruined witch.

Coco stepped forward gingerly, gun still cocked, inspecting the witch, confirming with a slight nod of the head that it was in fact a robot.

“My bad” He shrugged.

Taglist: @mayans-sauce.

[psychemeanscure]

PART 13{ A part with a one whole of Jang Taeyoung. Yayks! Enjoy reading y’all~}

“Good day, Mr. Jang.”

“What’s good in a day when I can only see your ugly face Mr. Kim.”

The prosecutor groan in defeat indeed. It was his third day to be summoned on interrogation and as usual had to deal with the annoying interrogator who just only getting on his nerves every time with its lame question which even too obvious to be needed explanation. Thus with a bored breath he insults. “Can we just start your uninteresting play so I can go in peace, Mr. disloyal prosecutor?”

But seems like the latter got used to it already that he only got a smirking shaking of head instead of its irritated retractions that usually leads him to face its attacking hand who can’t even push through because of his threatening defense from the one-way tinted mirror, voice connecting to an in-charge officer behind it.

“Oh no, no, no. You would rather not do insults until today Mr. Jang, especially now that a solid headache will get you busy for the time being.”  

A different counter he heard from the prosecutor somehow. ‘What lame evidences this disloyal dog has to bark again?’ as a simple thought slip into its mind but not too long to laze him later. “Oh yeah? Let me see then, Mr. Prosecutor.” Thus the latter starts then.

And before Mr. Kim could finish his set of litany?

He was already laughing tremendously. He never gone wrong of his instincts with the Prosecutor indeed. “What the hell! That’s it, Mr. Prosecutor? The last time was because of a certain connection from a gang syndicate who’s no longer existed, and now about an old news of SIESTA drug which people involved was long gone? Come on sir, don’t you have more to give to excite me other than this? I’m getting sleepy already.”

Piercing eyes starts to bore from the prosecutor as it only takes a second for a shift of expression. Dropping the document, it holds with vigor. “Okay. Since none of this wavered you still Mr. fearless guy. I might just share the last card instead. Are you ready?”

It caught his interest indeed as a twitched brows came after him. “And what is that, Mr. Kim?”                  

Thus its clasping hands initially rest on the table after purposely turning off the button for voice over, facing him with confident arrogance. “Zilo Alcaziar. I’m sure it rang your bell, pretty isn’t it?”

His thoughts say it is, yes. He was not surprise either since he knew she’s obviously the one who tip it off, so he only waited sternly in silence to his proceeding sentences. “Son of the greatest gambler Veeros Alcaziar who’s apparently became your business partner. A treacherous partnership or shall we say, with Sung Eunyoung?”

A flick of his brows came in then as he leans a little forward as if to make sure he wasn’t ghost out by his own instinct. “Come again, Mr. Prosecutor?”

Something’s off and he can feel it. From the mere mention of her name he knew there is. If he’s truly working for her, he would rather not involve her name in any means. Unless...  

“Who told you that?”

His cold words right then only to be responded by a success laugh from the prosecutor as it leans as well enough to create a whisper to his face. “Sung Eunyoung. Who else would it be? Tsk, tsk, tsk. Poor you Mr. Jang. I tell you, she’s one hell of a b*---“

“I’m asking, who told you filthy dog?”

 The latter has been dragged closer onto him definitely as he forcefully grabs its necktie. Nevertheless, its confidence still unbothered by his actions. “Why? You cannot believe it? You’ve been accustomed to her? Oh my, you shouldn’t have trusted her too much Mr. Jang. Look what happened to you. Seems like she became your weakness as well.”

It even starts to tap his shoulder following another words that may surely stirred him. “Let me give you an advice, Mr. Jang Taeyoung.” Its first word which he intended to halt after a closer lean by his ear. “If you go on a hunt down, it’s always the other as the best option.”

And he confirmed it. Finally, as he grips its necktie tight enough for choking, earning a panic grant he expected. Burning eyes fixated to the stubborn dog, gritted teeth resurfaced. He speaks. “I might be reckless in some way but I’m not stupid enough to understand that, moron. Now if you don’t want to die right here right now, then better answer my f*cking question. Eh?”

The prosecutor was struggling, no doubt. Unfortunately for him, his assaulted angle isn’t obvious to the officer in-charge’s CCTV monitor that it looks like he was the one dominantly threatening him, given its bending body block Jang Taeyoung’s move and the voice over button he turn off under the table. “A-ahck. Wa-it. Mr.—Ja-ng. A-ahck.” Had no choice but plead to him. But Jang wouldn’t dare. Why would he? Instead, he chokes him much tighter. With surrendering tap with his gripping hands, it gives in.

“A-alca-ziar. V-vee-ros A-alca-ziar.”

It only takes a second then before he let go. Hearing the gasping sound of Mr. Kim who is still trying to catch his own breath the moment it sits back to its chair. “See? It’s easy Mr. Prosecutor. Now tell me more.”

“W-why should I?” still half catching air prosecutor that only made him decide for another assault. “Why? So you would not be getting more like this?”

“A-Argh!”

Earning another grunt as he vigorously steps on its shoe under the table indeed. “F*ck! Fine. Fine, alright.”

So the rest follows as one thing’s for sure.

This game they were playing is one hell of a dangerous pit ride.

~  

*Beep*

“Bullsh*t! Screw you, woman. Tss. Whatever. Why am I concerning you though? You even expose me anyway. Ugh. F*ck off!”  

Tossing his phone with irritation by a nearby couch from her unanswered calls as he glances his own portrait which she also saw last time. Passing his own banters on it as if it was a different person to scold that he even points a finger with assertion. “This is what I’m telling you sucker. On so why? Why did you have to get sti--- F*ck! The hell will I admit either.”

He shifts into firmly punching its side wall when he decided to stand up, appearing like a strict lecturer. “This is all because of you, woman! You, Sung Eunyoung. I swear you’re going to p—sh*t! why can’t I even cursed you! See, Jang Taeyoung? You’re in fault here. F*ck!”

His proceeding soliloquy indeed for he can’t help but to clench a jaw out of frustration as he moved by the glass window. And with a hard slam of palm on it and a following voice of his assistant, he’s obviously pissed.

“What?!”

The deafening reply he did that made the latter being surprised yet only takes a second to regain composure. “Zilo Alcaziar is in the VIP lobby, Boss.”

Its simple word which gives him a scorching deep breath as well. Cursing another headache, he needed to deal with. Thus he responded a piercing nod to his assistant before leaving him again.

~

“Brother!”

The thrilled greeting from Zilo which only came back from entertaining itself to talking with female receptionist by the counter. Unbothered by his impatient glare trailing its every move till occupying a seat across him. “I was informed that you’ve been waiting on the lobby only to find out you’re actually lurking for bitches instead? Tss. You are wasting my time then.”  

“Oh come on brother. As if you didn’t miss it either. Like hey, you’re a single man again. Right? Unless you can’t move on with sister. I bet you do.”

A frown came to him then. Groaning with irritation. “Can you just shut up, or am I going to pull your tongue in a second. Why are you here anyway?”  

His straight banter just to be responded by a nonchalant behavior of the other as it even leans comfortably with the seat it occupied. “What do you think?”

“And what is that?”

“Tss. Of course brother, I’m here to continue as your ally.”

Thus a silence came after. He was halt by the thought, yes but not long enough to give the young Alcaziar a stern look. “I’m not in the mood for joking Zilo.” His threatening words then just to be responded by its shaking of head. “Brother I know you’re tempted, don’t deny. Besides, watching your situation right now I’m the only one you’ve got. Punch me if it isn’t true, eh?”

Truth. He’s the only one he got. He’s been calling the investors of the Casino Hotel, trying to convince at least half of them to side him and obviously got declined. Majority of them aren’t even answering. Hell that Sung Eunyoung’s power, who else can he control when she already got them all. Dammit!

“What makes you decide otherwise then, brother?”

“Because as you said, I’m fighting against my father and I truly am. So why not give it a try. I’m getting bored anyway. Father with sister and you with me. Isn’t it glamorous? We’re fighting each other’s past comrade. I can actually imagine the results. Wohoo.”

Zillo was even whistling while gesturing a blow like a bomb on his hand, arrogantly gullible of his own idea. Right there for some reason, the prosecutor’s advice pop into his ears. ‘Guess the disloyal dog makes sense after all.’

His thoughts finally decided. He’s considering the challenge indeed that for the last time after their talk ended, she called her once again yet for the nth time she remains unanswered. If it this what they call war, then war it is.

“Let the best venturer win, Sung Eunyoung.”

[myaekingheart]

139. Clumsy

read the scarecrow and the bell on ao3 index | from the beginning | < previous | next >

               When Lady Tsunade asked to see her in the hokage’s office on a Saturday morning, Rei wasn’t quite sure what else she had expected. Word travels fast in Konoha, and even faster among the hospital staff. The hokage was bound to find out eventually. Still, Rei had hoped—naively so—that she would have been granted just a little more time. She wasn’t ready for this. Not yet. She wondered for a moment if she could just feign sickness, a sorry excuse to avoid confrontation. Standing over the sink now, hands shaking and face pale, she knew she wouldn’t have to try very hard to begin with.

               But no. She could not procrastinate any longer. Time refused to stop for her and her indecision. The sooner she got this over with, the better. Gritting her teeth, Rei forced herself to move, to reach for her toothbrush in the cup by the sink. Her trembling hands betrayed her, however, and her faulty grip led to a domino effect of clutter spilling across the counter and onto the floor. Rei cursed under her breath and scrambled awkwardly, clumsily, to grab as much as she could. Bottles of mouthwash and shaving cream, razors and makeup brushes and toothpaste, all tumbled down with a chaotic crash.

               Immediately, Kakashi skidded into the doorway with a frantic look on his face. “Rei, what happened? Are you okay?” he asked. Before she could even answer, he swooped in to help her gather their things. His movements were so quick, so decisive. A stark contrast to the way Rei’s limbs warped and lagged.

               “It’s fine, don’t worry about it” Rei muttered sourly. “Just me fucking shit up again, per usual.”  

               Kakashi frowned. “What did you even do?” he asked, and Rei couldn’t tell whether he was disappointed or concerned. Either way, her blood boiled at the inquiry.

               “All I was trying to do was brush my dumbass teeth, but our bathroom is such a fucking catastrophe, I just—augh!” she groaned, and slammed her forehead against the edge of the counter in defeat.

               “You were…going to brush your teeth before breakfast…?” Kakashi cocked a brow.

               Rei paused, blinked. “I swear to fuck” she muttered under her breath. She clenched her jaw and reached up toward the counter so as to slam the toothbrushes violently back into their cup.

               Kakashi sighed and shook his head. Over the past few days, something had changed within his fiancée. Her mind had grown so cloudy, her acuity blunt and hazy. Even the most basic of tasks required utmost care and concentration and even then, she still faltered. He hated seeing her like this. She was a captain of the ANBU black ops, for heaven’s sake. He knew she was better than this. Helping her back up to her feet, Kakashi frowned and asked, “Rei, what’s gotten into you?”

               The question infuriated her. What had gotten into her? How dare he even ask. Shoving him away, she spat, “Your fucking sperm is what’s gotten into me, Kakashi.” Anger rose up in the back of her throat and her head had started to pound. She could feel her rapid heartbeat in her hot, ringing ears. As she stormed off toward the dresser, the whole world warped technicolor. The floor swayed beneath her and the walls vortexed and she suddenly felt as if her brain had astral projected straight out of her skull. She reached a hazy hand out to the nearest piece of furniture in an attempt to steady herself, her knees buckling beneath her weight, but found herself stumbling into Kakashi’s strong arms instead. He guided her to the bed and sat her down gently on the edge.

               Rei vibrated with urgency, eyes darting around the room in an attempt to discern what needed to be done next. All her thoughts jumbled into radio static. Kakashi took hold of her trembling hands, squeezing them lightly in reassurance. Toshio lumbered nearer to rest his head by her side. A small whimper pushed it’s way through Rei’s nose as her heart picked up the pace, rattling against her ribs. Every nerve in her body tingled and numbed.

               “Rei, just breathe” Kakashi murmured, brushing the bangs back out of her face. He wondered if her anxiety attacks were worse now than ever before, if the pregnancy hormones had only enhanced the inner chaos.

               “Don’t tell me what to do, Kakashi” she spat.

               “I’m only trying to help” Kakashi frowned.

               “I don’t need your help” she replied, even though she knew that was a lie. This loss of independence, this spinning in her head and pounding in her chest, only emphasized the cognitive dissonance screaming in her subconscious. She squeezed Kakashi’s hand, begged her body to move, but she was paralyzed.

               “Rei, just tell me what’s going on” Kakashi said. “What’s gotten you so worked up?” And that was the other point of contention: Rei had not told Kakashi of what was to come that morning. She had received Lady Tsunade’s summon the morning after the doctor’s appointment. Kakashi had been away on a low-rank mission; she had intended to tell him when he got home, but she couldn’t stomach speaking it into existence. She knew deep down that if she tried to verbalize what was being asked of her, the promise of the ultimate confrontation, all she would produce was anxious vomit. Rei had no other choice but to swallow it down, keep it to herself, in hopes that her own avoidance might make it disappear. Realistically, she knew that it would not.

                “K-Kakashi…” Rei finally croaked after a long stretch of silence. Kakashi looked to her expectantly. She swallowed back her fear now, forced herself to power onward. “Lady Tsunade asked me to see her this morning. I know exactly what’s going on. She knows, Kakashi. Sh-she has to know. And…and I don’t think I can handle it. I don’t think I can handle any of this…!”

               “Shh, Rei, it’s okay” Kakashi whispered, cupping her face in his hand. He caressed her cheek softly with his thumb. “You have nothing to worry about, I promise. Everything is going to be fine.”

               “Y-You keep saying that, Kakashi, but how can you know?” Rei exclaimed, borderline hysterical. “Kakashi, I’m barely even functional anymore by myself, let alone dealing with something like this! I don’t know what the fuck is wrong, I don’t know what’s going on, I just—Kakashi, I can’t do this”—here, she pounded her fist against her thigh in frustration. “I can’t do any of this.” Her voice cracked and her eyes glossed over, threatening tears. Her lower lip quivered and she gagged into the palm of her hand, her breathing desperate and unsteady. Kakashi quickly climbed up onto the bed beside her and pulled her into his arms. He could feel the haphazard beat of her heart, the anxious shivers slowly creeping over her body. “I don’t know how I’m going to do this, Kakashi. What if Lady Tsunade is pissed at me? Sh-she’s going to be so pissed at me. I-I made a promise, and now I have to break it. A-and how am I supposed to tell my team?! Oh god, th-they’re never going to forgive me! I said I would guide them, a-and now…now I have to break that promise, too. I just…I feel so fucking out of control, I can’t get a fucking grip on anything. I-I can’t focus. I can’t do anything right, I just—Kakashi, please…”

               Pursing his lips, Kakashi hugged Rei even closer to his chest, raked his fingers through her tangled hair. His lips brushed against her sweaty forehead. “Just take one thing at a time, Rei” he whispered. “You don’t have to do everything all at once.”

               Rei shook her head. “Th-that doesn’t mean anything” she argued, wiggling around uncomfortably in his arms. “I need a plan, Kakashi. I need…I need to fucking focus, but…but I can’t even do that right!” Defeated, she buried her face in his chest, clung to his shirt with a white-knuckle grip. “I just feel so out of control…I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t even know who I am anymore.”

               “What do you mean?” Kakashi asked. He wasn’t sure he liked the sound of that.

               Rei pulled back, wiped the tears from her face. “Kakashi, I don’t feel like myself anymore” she admitted. She kept her eyes firmly locked on his sternum, knowing that if she dared to meet his gaze, she would completely lose it. Her hand skated down to her stomach, pressed her palm gently against the waist of her pants. “I just…I feel like my body doesn’t belong to me anymore. I just feel…so fucking weird. I can’t focus, I can’t think. I feel different, a-and I look different…”

               “I don’t think you look any different” Kakashi assured her. And truly, he didn’t. She was still the same bright, beautiful woman he woke up to every morning. If nothing else, the knowledge of her pregnancy somehow made her even more beautiful to him—though even he wasn’t sure how that was possible.

               Rei’s crooked teeth bit down on her chapped lower lip. “N-No, you don’t get it, Kakashi” she shook her head. “I look at myself in the mirror and…and I’m starting to not even recognize myself. I-I feel like I’m in someone else’s body, I-I don’t know…” Her voice quivered with equal parts fear and confusion, as if she was struggling to even put these feelings into words.

               Kakashi furrowed his brows. “Rei, that doesn’t really make any sense” he replied. He hated that he didn’t understand it, but he hated even more seeing her hysterical over something so abstract and overblown. “Rei, you’re just the same as you always were. The only difference is that your body is doing something incredible. But just because things are changing, that doesn’t mean you have to lose yourself in the process. Does that make sense?”  

               That’s easy for you to say, Rei thought to herself. You’re not the one metamorphosizing.

               “Come on” Kakashi then said, rising to his feet. He extended a hand to help Rei up. “Let’s go get something to eat and then I’ll walk you to the hokage office.”

               Rei shook her head. “I’m not hungry” she replied. Not even five seconds later, her stomach retaliated with a monstrous growl. Rei dropped her gaze to the floor, pursed her lips, cursed her body. Kakashi lifted her to her feet and guided her to the kitchen, sitting her down at the table before making her a bowl of tamago kake gohan.

               He watched her poke at the raw egg yolk with her chopsticks, knees drawn up to her chest and a look of defeat on her face. Toshio whimpered at her side, desperate for a taste. “Rei, you need to eat” he told her.

               “How the fuck do you even expect me to eat at a time like this, Kakashi?” Rei asked. “I told you, I’m not hungry. And even if I was, I wouldn’t be able to keep anything down anyway. Do you really want me to puke all over the hokage’s office? Do you really want me to make things ten times worse? Because honestly, just looking at this shit is making me want to puke.” She stabbed the tip of her chopstick into the egg yolk, watched it explode and flow over the rice like a mucusy tsunami. Pressing her hand to her mouth, she shoved the bowl across the table and swallowed back the gag pressing into her throat.

               Sighing, Kakashi rubbed his temples and dropped his shoulders in defeat. He hated that she had a point. He knew her stomach had been finicky lately. He knew she had no control over when and where she felt sick. And at a time like this, she really didn’t need any more stress on her shoulders. And yet he couldn’t stand the thought of letting her go hungry.

               Before he could protest further, Rei leapt to her feet and began tugging on her sandals at the front door. “I have to go, I’m going to be late” she croaked. Toshio followed close behind her, stamping his feet with impatient excitement.

               “Let me go with you” Kakashi said, approaching. Rei simply shook her head and extended a hand out to halt him.

               “No, Kakashi” she insisted. “I-I need to do this on my own.” As much as she appreciated the offer, and deep down truly wanted Kakashi there, she didn’t want to have to depend on him constantly. Kakashi’s face fell. Clearly he was uncomfortable with the thought of her doing this by herself. He promised to be there for her every step of the way, hadn’t he? But how could he be expected to keep his promise if she kept pushing him away? The look of defeat on his face broke Rei’s heart but meant nothing to what she had to do. Her face softened only slightly, a bittersweet smile flickering across her lips, as she assured him, “Don’t worry. It’ll be fine, right? Besides, I’ll have Toshio with me.” She reached down to scratch behind the dog’s ear, and Toshio barked in happy agreement. At least Kakashi could take solace in that.

               With a defeated sigh, he slowly came nearer to tenderly kiss her forehead. “Just promise me one thing” he whispered, fingers tangled in her hair.

               Rei swallowed hard, anxious. “What…?” she croaked. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know. She didn’t want him to ask anything more of her, to add more weight to her burden.

               Kakashi tilted her head up to face him, whispered, “Promise me that you’ll at least eat something when you get home.”

               Dropping her eyes to the ground, Rei gave a single nod. “I will” she whispered. Then, without another word, she turned to leave.

               The hokage’s office felt all at once vast and suffocating as Rei knocked on the door and slipped inside. Tsunade looked up from her stacks of paperwork and smiled. “Just the person I wanted to see” she said and set the documents aside.  

               Rei gulped back her fear and forced a smile. Toshio nudged her hand, urged her forward. She was grateful to have him by her side at a time like this. “So, what did you need to see me for?” she asked with forced casualness.

               “Rei, I think you know” Tsunade replied, cocking a brow. Her manicured fingers trailed her desk then and held up a lab report from among the pile. “I received word from the hospital a few days ago about your most recent appointment. Congratulations.”

               “Th-thank you” Rei croaked.

               “Now, as I’m sure you’re well aware, you can’t continue your ANBU duties in your current condition” Tsunade continued.

               Rei shook her head in understanding. “I know, which is why I’ve decided—”

               “You’ll just have to go on light duty in the meantime” Tsunade interrupted. Rei froze, shellshocked.

               “L-Light duty…?” she asked slowly, cautiously. A part of her wasn’t even sure if she had heard her correctly.

               Tsunade nodded. “That’s right. We sure as hell can’t have you out in the field while pregnant. You’d endanger both your life and that of the child’s. But I can’t expect you to just give up your entire career. After all, something tells me this wasn’t exactly planned…”

               The insinuation, while correct, sent a shiver down Rei’s spine. “It’s, uh…it’s complicated” she muttered, dropping her gaze. She really didn’t have time to get into the specifics right now, nor did she want to. Lady Tsunade didn’t need to know.

               “I’ve already looked into your options” Tsunade continued, “and I think you’d be a perfect fit for the records department, given your history with filing at the bookshop.”

               Rei found herself nodding on her own accord. Somehow just automatically accepting the offer. It wasn’t even that she was against working in records, either. She knew she had a knack for filing, and she enjoyed being around binders and old books. There was something deeply satisfying about the organizational aspect of it all, of the intricate coding system, the smell of yellowed paper and stale ink. And yet there was still one more point of contention nagging at the back of her mind. “What about my ANBU team?”

               Tsunade heaved a sigh and her once-pleased expression fell. “That’s something I’m going to have to figure out” she replied honestly. “Your pregnancy does create a bit of a rift in the black ops, but that’s not your problem to worry about. You have far more important things at hand. Still, if you can think of anyone to take your place in the meantime, by all means.” Here, she motioned with her hand as if to silently encourage Rei to pose her suggestions.

               “Well…I do have one person in mind” Rei muttered, “but…when you say in the meantime…?”

               Tsunade blinked. “I mean until you’re off maternity leave. You do intend to return to duty once your child is born, don’t you?”

               Rei toed the ground anxiously. “Honestly, I didn’t know I was allowed to.”

               “Of course you’re allowed to!” Tsunade exclaimed. A light laugh bubbled up from her chest. “You act like you’re the first ANBU to ever get pregnant.”

               “Well, I don’t know of anyone else who has” Rei explained. “I didn’t think…I don’t know. I thought my career was over.”

               “Your career is definitely not over. Not unless you want it to be, that is” Tsunade replied. Rei hated to admit that the hokage’s words had alighted something in her. Kakashi’s insistence that she quit her job still hung heavy in the back of her mind, but at least now she knew that that was not the only option. That maybe, just maybe, she could have the best of both worlds after all. Spreading her hands out across her desk then, Tsunade pursed her lips and said, “Now, about your replacement.”

               Rei sucked in a sharp breath as she made her way to the ANBU headquarters. She wasn’t sure if she could do this, any of this. She didn’t think she could walk in there, face her comrades, gather her things from her locker, confront the situation at hand. While she knew now that this did not have to be permanent, that meant nothing for the fact that she would still have to leave anyway. She only hoped her subordinates would be kind. After all, she truly had not planned for this.

               Toshio nudged the door open for her, guided her down the dark and narrow hallways to the locker rooms underground. He helped steady her on the stairs, ensuring that he would catch her should she stumble and fall, and barked a hello at the ninja behind the barred supply counter. The man did not acknowledge them, but Rei wondered if he was smiling beneath his mask. Toshio seemed to have that effect on people. He could crack a smile from even the most stoic.

               The halls were nearly empty save for a few shinobi making their way to the briefing room or the holding cells. Rei wasn’t sure which would have been better: this, where no one could see her deliberate, or a crowded room where she could hide among the many. She shuffled toward the locker room and the whole world began to spin. As her hand hovered over the doorknob, her stomach lurched and she was positive she was about to be sick. Not now, fuck, she thought, leaning forward against the wall and attempting to steady her breath. Every worst-case scenario cycled through her head at warp speed, taunting her. She became grossly aware of the flashing red exit sgins at the end of each hall, feeling their existence boring holes into her back. She couldn’t do this. She needed fresh air, freedom, an escape.

               “Rei?” a voice then called from behind, and Rei’s entire body went icy. She turned slowly, cracking a faint smile at Yugao standing at the mouth of the hall. Before she could even say anything, Yugao surged forward and wrapped Rei in a tight hug. “I’ve been so worried about you! You should’ve kept in touch with me while you were gone.”

               “S-sorry” Rei croaked. “I’ve, uh…I’ve had a lot going on.”

               “Are you okay? Is everything okay?” Yugao asked, leaning back to get a better look at her captain’s face. “You look terrible” she then added, noting the pallor in Rei’s face, the dark circles under her eyes, the tremble of her hands.

               Rei nodded, dropping her gaze and raking her fingers through her bangs. “Yeah, I’m alright. I just…can we talk?”

               “Yeah, of course” Yugao affirmed, and motioned for Rei and Toshio to follow her into the locker room.

               Everything about this place suddenly disgusted Rei. She felt her stomach churn as she slipped inside, assaulted by the strong smell of floral perfumes and the sight so many naked women. Even though she knew, realistically, that they were all preoccupied, Rei couldn’t help but feel like all eyes were on her. She could feel them hone into her presence, ears pricked up like dogs just waiting for the tiniest morsel of juicy gossip. By now, word of Rei’s questionable state had surely circulated through the black ops. She hated to think of what kinds of rumors hung over her head now, a black cloud heavy with purpose, as she waded her way even deeper into the swamp.

               Yugao guided Rei toward her locker, propping it open as she got ready. “So what did you need to talk to me about?” she asked and though her tone was bright and eager, Rei could sense a hint of uncertainty lurking under the surface. As if Yugao somehow knew there was something wrong. Rei wondered if she bought into the rumors herself. She hoped her lieutenant would be a little more discerning but Yugao was only human. Besides, she had already known of Rei and Kakashi’s previous plans.

               Rei tangled her fingers in Toshio’s thick fur as her eyes skimmed the crowd, feeling completely surveilled. She wished there was someplace more private where they could speak, but beggars can’t be choosers. With her back to the rest of the kunoichi, Rei lowered her voice and said, “Yugao, I need to ask a favor of you.”

               Yugao met Rei’s face with wide-eyed anxiety. “O-Of course. Anything.”

               Rei sucked in a deep breath. She couldn’t look at her. Not now. “Some things have come up. Some, uh…unexpected things, and I…I need you to take over my captain’s duties. Temporarily, but…still.”

               The request, as expected, shocked Yugao. “Y-You need me to wh--? Wait, why? Rei, what’s going on? What happened?” An anxious nausea rose into the back of Yugao’s throat. Something was wrong, she could feel it. She rested a hand on Rei’s shoulder, squeezing it lightly. “Rei, what happened?”

               She didn’t expect to feel so vulnerable, but Rei’s emotions quickly got the better of her. Her throat tightened and tears pricked at the back of her eyes. The weight of the past few days bore down even heavier upon her shoulders. “Yugao, I…” Rei started, voice choked and meek. Yugao tightened her grip, hardened her gaze, desperate. Squeezing her eyes shut tight, Rei forced the words out of her mouth, a confession. “I’m pregnant” she gasped.

               Yugao immediately recoiled, her face falling. “Rei, you’re…” she whispered in disbelief. Rei nodded, wrapping her arms around her waist as if in defense. “A-are you…I mean…was this planned?”

               “N-Not exactly” Rei said sheepishly. “It was an accident, I guess things just got out of hand, I don’t know…”

               “Well, of course you can’t continue working like this” Yugao said. “Are you okay with that?”

               “I’ve made my peace with it” Rei lied. “Lady Tsunade said I could work in records until the baby is born, which should be fine. I just…I don’t want you guys to think I’m abandoning you.”

               “No, no, of course not” Yugao shook her head. “I don’t feel that way. Things happen. I get it. Are you…I mean, are you happy?”

               A small smile touched Rei’s lips, though even she wasn’t sure how genuine it was. “It’s just…it’s a lot all at once” she finally answered. Toshio nuzzled her hand, licked at her fingertips, sensing her silent distress.

               Yugao nodded empathetically. “Of course” she whispered. To say that she was shocked by this new development was an understatement. Certainly Yugao had her assumptions, as did everyone, but now that Rei’s pregnancy was confirmed, she couldn’t help but wonder what this meant moving forward. She watched as Rei ultimately turned toward her own locker a few doors down, swung it open, and began gathering her things. Something wary and desperate began to take root in Yugao’s chest as she watched Rei’s locker gradually empty. “R-Rei…?” she finally asked. Rei paused, turned to look at her. “You are going to come back, right…?”

               “O-Of course…” Rei replied. “Why wouldn’t I?” She refused to revisit Kakashi’s words, to linger on his insistences. Tsunade had given her a choice. The hokage almost even expected Rei to return. She had options. This was not the end.

               Yugao dropped her gaze, shook her head. “I don’t know, I just…want to make sure” she muttered. “Having a baby is a big responsibility. I’m not…well, how can you be sure you would even want to return to work after all of this?”

               Rei hated that she even had to consider Yugao’s point in the first place. Deep down, she didn’t know. Motherhood was a vast expanse of uncertainty and fear. From this point forward, Rei would be responsible for a little human life, fully dependent on her and her alone. She wanted to believe that there was a way to juggle both, to have one foot firmly planted on each road, but was that even realistic? Rei didn’t know. And quite frankly, she couldn’t stomach considering it further. Narrowing her eyes, she definitively replied, “I’m sure.” Even if she wasn’t, she needed Yugao to believe that she was. Rei herself needed to believe that she was.

               Before any more could be said, the bell crackled over the loudspeakers calling everyone in for the morning briefing. Yugao and Rei exchanged panicked looks as the other kunoichi frantically strapped their gauntlets to their arms and fastened their shoes to their feet, stumbling and swarming out into the hallway. Yugao fed Rei a sheepish smile, asked, “So what now?”

               Hugging her belongings to her chest, Rei’s eyes drifted toward the door as she croaked, “Now I just have to tell everyone else.”

               Rei stood at the back of the briefing room, her belongings crumpled at her feet, as Meishu gruffly outlined the night shift’s happenings. She kept a hand firmly on Toshio at all times, scratching the back of his neck and massaging the tip of his velvety ear. In the pit of her chest, she felt the nagging weight of her own disattention but had to remind herself: what was the point? It wasn’t like this was going to have any importance on her day moving forward. She was not on duty.

               Her eyes skated to Team Ku seated a few feet ahead of her and her heart ached. They sat rigid with a unanimous tension, as if they knew something was about to break. An eerie feeling in the pit of their chests, a buzzing in the air. Every so often, Rei swore she caught Arai glance at her over her shoulder. In those deep amethyst eyes, there was nothing but sharp suspicion.

               And then Meishu dismissed everyone for their daily assignments, and Rei had no other choice. She clenched her fists at her sides, swallowed her fear, and strode forward.

               “Where the hell have you been?” Arai smirked, suppressing laughter. “What happened? Did you have to get your stomach pumped or something?”

               “I knew it had to be something serious” Hitsuji shivered. “Are you better now? You’re not contagious anymore, are you?” A small sneeze squeaked out of him, sniffling at Toshio’s allergic presence.

               “You look absolutely awful” Sukui complained. He reached back to pick up a strand of Rei’s limp, red hair off her shoulder, loosened from her ponytail. Frowning, she swatted him away.

               “No, I’m fine” Rei replied curtly. “Everything is fine.”

               “Oh yeah? You don’t sound fine” Kikkake snarked. “What’s with your clothes, anyway?” He motioned to her outfit, to the navy blue tunic with the full, turquoise sleeves and gold trim on the collar, the fabric faded and hem fraying from years of use.

               Sukui made a stink face and shook his head. “Retail therapy would’ve done you well, that’s for sure” he commented.

               “No, it’s not that” Kikkake said, waving dismissively to his comrade. Stalking forward, he stared down at Rei like a predator zeroing in on his prey. Unforgiving. “If everything was fine, you’d be in your uniform like the rest of us. The fact that you’re not means something is wrong. It means that you’re not actually at work today, are you? You’re here for a reason, and it’s not because you’re no longer sick.” Toshio’s upper lip curled into a growl.

               Hitsuji tensed, gripping the edge of the table tightly. “It’s worse than we thought, isn’t it?” he cried. “Is it Cyclospora? Gallstones? Cancer?!”

               Rei sighed and rubbed at her aching forehead. “Guys, please…” she whined. Her stomach churned and her hands felt numb and something within the pit of her chest lurched, anxious. She gripped at the waist of her dress in hopes that it might ground her.

               “Well?” Arai asked, cocking a brow. “Spit it out, boss. What’s the deal?”

               “Yeah, Rei, fess up” Kikkake spat. “What’s the matter with you?”

               Hitsuji covered his nose and mouth with his hand, his heart pounding out of his chest. “P-Please tell me you’re not contagious.”

               “Can you guys calm down?” Yugao asked. Then, meeting Rei’s gaze, she said much softer, “Go ahead, Rei. Tell them what’s going on.”

               The room was suddenly far too loud and far too bright. The air conditioner hummed overhead, the blast of cold air giving Rei goosebumps, and yet sweat beaded at the small of her back and underneath her bangs. Her subordinates faces blurred and melded together, desperate and angsty and scared. Rei’s throat tightened and her nose tingled and a sour taste filled her mouth and oh my god she was going to be sick. Their rapid inquiries pounded in her head—Come on, tell us. What are you waiting for? What’s going on? Rei, what’s wrong? What the fuck are you doing? What’s going on? You’re wasting time! Just spit it out! What have you done? Tell us, tell us, tell us, tell us. Squeezing her eyes shut tight, she clenched her fist tighter around the fabric and shouted, “I’m fucking pregnant, okay?!”

               The whole room fell silent. Even the few shinobi who had hung back, going over battle plans and studying assignments, paused and slowly looked toward Rei. And while the confession had released the weight of anticipation off her shoulders, it was now quickly replaced with something much worse: the fear of their reception.

               Team Ku sat in stunned silence for a long while before finally, Arai burst out in incredulous laughter. “That’s real fucking funny, boss! Now come on, tell us what’s really going on.” Rei pursed her lips and dropped her gaze to the ground. She wasn’t sure what else she could even say. All the potential sentences tangled in her throat, strangling her. Her silence only enhanced the weight of her confession, clarified the reality. “Captain Rei…come on. That can’t really be it, is it?” Arai asked. Her faith was steadily draining. When Rei still said nothing else, Arai recoiled in shock. “No fucking way…” she murmured.

               “A-are you sure?” Hitsuji asked. Rei caught his eyes skate down to her stomach, as if questioning the validity based on the size of her belly. Rei shot him a fierce glare that told him that she was, in fact, sure.

               “Well, this is just fucking stupdendous” Kikkake complained, leaning back against the table in defeat. “And what do you expect to become of us now, huh? You had a responsibility to us, you know. You can’t just get off scot-free because you couldn’t keep your legs shut.”

               “Kikkake!” Yugao shouted, slapping him hard on the arm. “Watch your mouth! This is still your captain you’re speaking to.” Kikkake, however, showed no remorse.

               “Well, as much as I hate to agree with him, he does have a point” Sukui muttered, fingertip tapped to his chin. “What is going to become of us?”

               “W-Well, I spoke with Lady Tsunade this morning and we decided on a temporary replacement” Rei replied cautiously, frantically. She kept her voice low, fearing that any louder might not only anger the beast but attract more unwanted attention.

               Shaking her head, Arai leaned back in her chair and sucked her teeth in distaste. “Oh, great. Awesome. So you’re going to just leave us in the mud and pawn us off to some other tired sucker. Love that. Way to show you really care, Captain Rei.”

               Hitsuji pursed his lips, furrowed his brows. “B-But you said temporary. That means you’ll be back, right?”

               Rei gave a single nod. “That’s the plan” she replied. “I am not abandoning you guys.”

               “Oh really?” Kikkake snapped. “Because that’s sure as hell what it feels like.”

               “And how do you know you’ll actually come back, anyway?” Arai asked. “And even if you do, it’s never gonna be the same. You can’t just walk into battle with a kid sucking on your tit.”

               “That would be pretty badass if she did, though” Sukui commented toward his comrade. Arai rolled her eyes, unimpressed.

               Rei was beginning to lose her nerve now. She could feel her muscles tense and electrify, her heart pounding and a vicious anger rising up into her throat. Gritting her teeth, she pounded her fist against the table and glared at her subordinates. “Hey. I am still your fucking captain and I demand to be treated with respect. Is that understood? Like I said, I am not abandoning you guys. I will do everything in my fucking power to make sure that you are taken care of in my absence, and that I will come back. Have any of you ever thought for one second about how I feel about all of this? Have you ever thought of anyone but yourselves? Because this isn’t ideal for me, either, but this is just the way things are now and I’ll be damned if anyone, and I mean anyone, stands in the way of making this transition as smooth and unproblematic as humanly possible. Do I make myself fucking clear?”

               Team Ku stared back at her with wide, silenced eyes. Hitsuji sat stock still, his grip tightening evermore on the table. Without even breaking eye contact, Sukui slowly leaned over to whisper to Arai, “They weren’t kidding when they said pregnant women were scary.”

               Arai immediately clapped her hand over her comrade’s mouth, growling, “Good god, man, don’t anger it!”

               Kikkake slapped both of them on the back of the head before asking, “So what about this temporary captain, huh? Who’s taking your place?”

               Rei glanced across the room and fed Yugao a silent signal to step forward. With a definitive nod, she obliged. “That would be me” Yugao said with a slight wave.

               “Oh, thank god!” Arai exclaimed, slumping in her chair in relief. As unpleasant an experience as all this was, at least they still had Yugao. Arai trusted her, almost even considered her more of a captain than Rei herself. In Yugao’s hands, Arai—and all the others, even—felt safe and capable. As if maybe this terrible turn of events wasn’t quite so terrible after all.

               “I may not be able to go on missions with you guys anymore” Rei stated, “but that doesn’t mean I won’t be within your reach, either. I’ll, uh…I’ll probably be working in records during my maternity leave, so whenever you need me, I won’t be very far. Alright?”

               The others all nodded halfheartedly, but it was still clear to Rei that they were not pleased. She glanced to Yugao, searching for some form of reassurance, but Yugao’s eyes turned instead to the clock. “Shit, we’re running late” she muttered under her breath. And with that, she whipped out the paperwork for the day’s assignment and began detailing their duties. Rei quickly felt their circle of inclusion close, an unrelenting pressure on her chest phasing her out of view. This was no longer her responsibility. She had no obligation to stick around and listen. Back pressed against the wall, she paused for only a moment to allow the weight of her new normal to crush her completely. Then, without another word, she scooped up her belongings and made her way to the door.

               The hallway expanded and contracted before her as she swayed toward the stairwell, Toshio dutifully by her side. Time seemed to speed past her and she was powerless. Her chest ached with anxiety but her limbs felt heavy and uncooperative. She cursed herself under her breath as she begged herself to just fucking move. And all the while, her throat grew tight and sore with impending tears, swallowing back the monstrous cry threatening to rise up out of her.

               And then, all at once, a weak hand took hold of her wrist and Rei’s body electrified. Toshio whipped around with a growl, immediately prepared to apprehend. For a moment, Rei expected—or perhaps even hoped­­—that it was Yugao but she knew full well that this was not her lieutenant’s grip. Toshio huffed and backed down. When Rei turned around, she was faced with none other than sheepish Hitsuji.

               “C-Captain Rei, before you go, I just wanted to say one thing” he murmured. Rei cocked a brow, urging him to continue. Hitsuji forced himself to look up at her, a small smile touching his lips as he said, “Congratulations.”

               Rei couldn’t help but smile softly, bittersweetly at this sweet, innocent boy. “Thank you” she whispered. “Now go get back inside. The others need you.” She hated to think of all the information he was missing by coming to speak with her. With a single nod, Hitsuji shot her one last reassuring smile before rushing back into the briefing room.

               Rei managed to remain relatively composed until she exited the building. The sun sat hot and heavy in the sky overhead and the smell of summer rain filled the air. Rei pressed a hand to her tight chest, prayed for peace, before turning a dark corner and allowing herself to finally, ultimately break down.

               She felt ridiculous for being so emotional—after all, there was no point in sobbing over something that needed to be done, right? Still, that heavy rock of despair lodged itself firmly in her chest. She swallowed back the rest of her sobs, wiped the tears from her face with the back of her hand, straightened her back and stepped out into the sunlight. She struggled to keep her breathing steady as she walked home, one hand hugging her uniforms to her chest as the other clung to the thick fur at Toshio’s neck. She felt like a child, needy and vulnerable. She felt pathetic.

               And all the while, her eyes drifted to scenes of children playing in the street, of mother’s tending to fussy babies in restaurants and through shop windows. She envisioned herself in their roles and something suddenly felt so strange and unnatural about it. She couldn’t get used to it. She wanted to be a mother, of course she did, and yet there was something deep in the pit of her stomach screaming that this was all wrong. Turn back, danger ahead. Rei’s head began to spin. Her hand trembled as she unlocked the front door to an empty apartment and sank down on the couch.

               Toshio lumbered up beside her, resting his heavy head in her lap and whimpering dolefully. As if he could sense her mind in disrepair and wanted to heal it despite not knowing how. She scratched behind his ears and under his chin and the lump in the back of her throat hardened. She pressed a shaky hand to her waist, grazed the imprint of her hipbone through her tunic. She remembered Kakashi’s request from that morning. Really, she knew she should eat something. Patting Toshio on the head, she forced herself up off the couch and trudged into the kitchen. The tile was cold and unforgiving against her bare feet, the fridge foreboding. She creaked the door open slowly and idled in front of the full shelves. A loaf of bread, a jug of milk, last night’s leftovers. She studied them until she could no longer bear it, until the anger growing behind her ribs exploded out of her chest with a frustrated grunt. Gritting her teeth, she slammed the fridge door shut. Instead, she turned to the cabinet, pulling down a glass and holding it unsteadily beneath the faucet. She watched the water fill to the top, then overflow, letting it run over her tight knuckles and pale fingernails. When the hush of the running water began to annoy her, she flicked the tap off, brushed her hair back out of her damp face, and took a long, desperate swig. Her stomach expanded and grew heavier with each monstrous gulp. Deep down, she hoped it would trick her body into thinking she was full. She hoped it would be enough.

               It was never enough.

[mimiswitchywrites]

Not A Burden: Chapter 12

TW: SH references, S*x**l a****lt near the beginning

Period typical h***ph**ia and internalised, alcohol mentions?

Master list or read on AO3

5.8k words (I'm so sorry, it wasn't meant to be this long)

If you want to be tagged for updates, message me or comment!

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The sun was beginning to fall behind the tree line, and she still hadn’t found the tavern, electing to ask a passing guard. He looked her up and down for a minute, before pointing down the path and saying to take a right at the cart with the cabbages.

She arrived, mind still looping. The tavern was humming with chatter inside – hopefully good chatter – and the street glowed from the light of the candles. It was quite beautiful, she thought.

She stepped forward to open the door, hopped back as a large man stormed out - scowling - and then dashed inside before the door slammed shut again.

There was a long work top spanning half the room, with two men and a grinning maiden behind serving out tankards. Tables lined the walls with long benches, all covered with various states of intoxicated patrons.

Miriam approached the bar, eyes locked on a greenish tile behind the maiden – not wanting to interact with any of the drunk men brawling on the table closest to her. She hopped on one of the stools, feet dangling. She smiled at the lady as she came over to serve her, head darting around the room at a loud crash behind her. “Hey there, love, what can I do you for?” The woman – slightly taller than Miriam – asked with a sympathetic tone. Her eyes were soft, sensing Miriam’s discomfort at the chaotic crowd.

“A tankard of your strongest stuff, please.”

The maiden nodded in response, finding a mug, and wiping the inside with the apron tied around her waist. She dropped the mug into a bucket of liquid and dried the edges, placing it in front of Miriam with another curt bow of the head.

Miriam hummed her thanks, hands gripping the tankard. The liquid was brown and smelt putrid, but she smiled at her reflection on the surface. It tasted vile, she noted with a grimace, but, as the warmth spread through her body, she knew it would do the trick.

She had her head tipped back, fishing for the last drops of the ale when he sat next to her. He was a big, burly man, with the bottom of his hairy stomach peering out from under his sained shirt. He smelt terrible – Miriam could practically taste his aroma, even with her drink so close to her nose – but he didn’t seem to care. He lent forward in his seat, elbows on knees, barely a hands length from Miriam. She placed her empty tankard on the bar in front of her and turned to him. He smiled, teeth crooked and blackened. She could see a string of meat stuck in between his front two.

“’ello bird.” He sneered – smiled? At her, hand landing on her thigh.

She shuffled sideways as much as she could, face concealing her immense discomfort.

“Good evening, sir.”

“I ain’t no ‘sir’.” He stood, arms coming to either side of her – trapping her in her seat. “But,” a grimy finger came up to her cheek, “I could preten’ to be, if tha’s what you’re after?”

She lent as far back into the bar as she could, arms pulling around her chest in a feeble attempt at protection.

A hand – a clean one, this time – landed on the fat man’s shoulder. He was pulled round to face the newcomer, shoulders squaring in preparation.

“Hands off the lass.” Miriam recognised the gravely voice, struggling to place it. Her eyes were too blurred with tears to put together his face.

“Or what? You paid for her already?” Miriam hated the way her skin crawled as his hand found the inside of her thigh. With a deep breath – shaking – she pushed it away and slid off the stool.

He swung round, face ablaze.

The new man grabbed his forearm before he could touch her again and pinned it behind his back. He pushed the man against the worktop – breath knocked out of him. “Or I’ll report you to the King. Hand’s off, by order of Sir Gwaine: Knight of Camelot.”

Miriam’s eye’s cleared long enough to see the vile mans face drop, blood draining. Sir Gwaine let him go and watched as he backed out of the Tavern, fear struck. Gwaine tossed a coin onto the bar, waving one of the male servers down, “Two ales please, Henry.”

The server – Henry – nodded, face drawn in concern for the knight that was swaying slightly. He placed the drinks down in front of them and turned to a patron calling him from the other end of the bar.

Gwaine took his tankard, downing half of it in one gulp before looking at Miriam. She was shaking, eyes glossy, but analysing him. “Gwaine. I was with Merlin when we found you.” Her mouth dropped, eyes widening in realisation. She let out a soft “oh” in acknowledgment.

With hesitation, she lifted herself back onto the stool and sat forward again. She took a sip of the ale, made a bitter face, and took another.

“Are you alright? Would you like me to walk you home?” He was facing her again, face shrouded in empathy with a slight haze from the drinking. She shook her head, nodding to her tankard.

“I just need to drink, preferably without anymore creeps interrupting.” He barked a laugh at that, throwing his drink back again, and she felt her face warm. “So, Sir Gwaine: Knight of Camelot,” he rolled his eyes, chuckling, “may I ask what brings you here tonight.”

“Aye, you can, but whether or not I’ll answer is something entirely different,” He stood, reaching out a hand to her, “but first, would you care to dance?” There was a group of men and two women at the back of the tavern creating music. They were singing, one man had a crumhorn, another a lute, and the last two were tapping on the wood of the chairs beneath them. The women’s voices carried across the whole room in beautiful harmony. They danced together, skirts billowing around them, and, one by one, others from the crowd joined in. Men and women, sons and daughters, strangers, all took each other’s arms and span and laughed and sang together. Smile working its way onto her face, Miriam nodded, taking Gwaine’s extended hand.

She didn’t consider herself much of a dancer – never really having the opportunity to learn – but here, dancing with this man she hardly knew, she felt right. They stumbled and fell against each other, stopping their spins every so often as they got too dizzy, and they laughed. Oh, how they laughed. Years of sadness lifted from both their faces, leaving them youthful once again.

By the time they stopped – music slowing down too much for their liking – they were red faced and the world continued spinning without them. They stumbled over to one of the cushioned seats at the side of the room – a large table in front of it – and sprawled onto it, in hysterics. Their drinks (fresh ones they had picked up from Henry before wading through the room) spilled onto the table slightly, prompting another burst of laughter.

After a few gasped attempts at calming down, they shuffled so they were sat up, leaning against each other for support. Gwaine’s hair fell across his face, stuck to the sweat on his forehead and neck. Miriam’s was still tied from work but falling from its leather string in segments.

“You know,” Miriam’s words were more slurred than she had expected; Gwaine snorted at her shocked expression which resulted in him receiving a gentle slap on the shoulder, “When we first met, I dreamt about you.”

His brows shot up, mind too fuzzy to decide between making a sexual remark and asking for more info and so he just sat, expressions rotating over his face until she continued. “Your hair, specifically.” She leant forward, peeling it from his face and running her hands through the tangles. He turned away from her to give her easier access. “I dreamt I was plaiting daisies into it. You have beautiful hair, Sir Gwaine.”

He turned his head to talk to her, “You know, you don’t actually have to call me Sir each time. ‘Gwaine’ is okay.”

Her mouth dropped open at this revelation; he laughed again and turned back to the front.

“Do you frequently dream of plaiting strangers’ hair?” He was genuinely curious but chuckled as he asked.

She shook her head, realised he couldn’t see, and then replied, “No, not often. But you do have very nice hair.” She nodded to herself and took a deep swig of her drink, spluttering slightly at the taste. Gwaine copied, only barely grimacing.

--

Gwaine enjoyed the feel of the girl’s fingers running through his hair. They sat like that for another twenty minutes at least – exchanging odd thoughts every so often but generally just enjoying the others company. He wasn’t entirely sure what she was doing, head too tingly to place where each strand of hair was going, but it was relaxing, and he could feel his eyelids growing heavy.

He finished his drink, waving Henry over for another, and went back to sipping on the ale. The Rising Sun was by far the best Inn in Camelot, but they had truly vile alcohol. It did the job though, and that was all the Knight was after. Until Miriam came along, anyhow.

She was really quite lovely, he had noticed. He knew she was something special when they had found her – the way she bantered, even when half alive, was enough to warm even his painfully cold heart – but he hadn’t expected to enjoy her company quite so much. He wasn’t attracted to her but she was kind and funny and he could see so much of himself in her and, for some reason, that made him care for her. Granted, they had only been speaking for half an hour now (two hours? Time was a funny thing) and they had both knocked a few back, but he was sure that, if she wanted, they could maintain a friendship. For Gwaine, the man that only had Merlin as a friend for years and none before that, this was quite the realisation.

He sniffled, taking another swig and blaming the lump in his throat on the brown liquid this establishment classed as a ‘drink’.

“There,” she patted his head, “you’re all done.” She spun him round – his eyes widening as he tried to save his tankard from spilling – and she checked out her handy work from the front. Her lips parted in, what was it, awe? “Pretty…” she muttered to herself. He felt his cheeks flush, already red from the drinking, and he giggled (though he would deny it if anyone asked).

She shook her head, eyes closing tightly and then opening again, “Not that you weren’t pretty before, that is. You have a very nice,” she gestured to his face and he bit his knuckle to prevent himself from bursting out in a laugh, “face?” She tilted her head to the side, going over what she said with confusion.

“Aye, well thank you for that lass.” He nodded to her, lifting his tankard and waiting for her to do the same, “To pretty faces!” He toasted. Their drinks sloshed into each other and they tipped them back, wiping mouths on the backs of hands.

They sat in silence for some time, watching the crowd in front of them. There was a particularly beautiful maiden in a red dress that was strutting across the room to a lean man with black hair and a rugged beard. She had a stern look on her face and walked with such vigour that not even the king would have been able to stop her. Gwaine wondered what the man had done, and Miriam just stared at her, warmth pooling at the bottom of her stomach.

The woman stopped in front of the man who had terror in his eyes that Gwaine could see from the other side of the room and slapped him. The sound rang out, silencing the crowd for a second. Gwaine turned to Miriam next to him, hearing her gasp and, curiously, her cheeks stain red. He smiled at that, potential reasons circling his mind.

The crowd ended up blocking the couple from Gwaine and Miriam’s view (much to both their dismay) and their attention returned to the other. Bringing a hand up to her mouth, Miriam stifled a yawn, eyes fluttering closed for a second.

“You’re tired.” She shook her head but her heavy eye’s betrayed her, “I should get you back to your room. It would be improper to keep you out so long, or something.” He wasn’t entirely sure if it did count as improper or if he would usually care, but he had no desire to have Lancelot, Merlin and Arthur on his back for keeping the new girl out for so long. He was sure they would spin some tale about him sleeping with her (not that he could dispute it, given his reputation) and Lancelot had looked hurt enough these last few days that he was sure the noble knight would snap. It would not be a pretty sight.

Something best avoided, he supposed.

“Yeah, you are, come on now lass, best us getting going before some twat starts a fight anyhow.” She snorted at this and resigned, standing up. The pair shuffled their way out from behind the table and headed out with a quick wave to Henry before the ducked through the door.

They walked through the lower town slowly, Miriam leaning against him for support and him doing his best not to sway too much. The inn became a distant echo, leaving them in their own little world. They were basked in the soft glow of dying candles and moonlight.

“What’s wrong with you?” She stopped, thinking over her phrasing before adding: “Merlin say’s you’ve been off since you found me in the woods. I think he’s worried.”

Gwaine clenched his jaw, forearms tingling. He took a deep breath before tacking on his jovial persona. “Nothing’s wrong, he’s just an old fart that doesn’t understand the point of a fun night down the Inn.”

She stayed in her spot - even as he took a few more steps towards the inner city - and watched him. She saw her own mannerisms in the way he moved. The clenched fists and jaw, the way he kept his wrists close to his body and his back and shoulders were tensed. “You’re lying.” She sang, feeling the effects of her drink.

His eye’s bulged at her bluntness but a part of him respected her for it. He was tired of the others tiptoeing around him and whatever they assumed was wrong, it was refreshing to have someone get to the point, even if it were a point he didn’t like.

He sighed, calculating the amount of information he could give away without exposing himself or how weak he truly was. He turned back to face her. “Not entirely, Merlin really is an old fart that doesn’t understand the joy one can have with a bucket of ale and a good brawl.” She squinted at him, doing her best to show how little she believed his façade.

He groaned, hand running through hair. “Fine. Yes, my mind has been doing all sort of stupid things since I saw you – not like that, you’re a fair maiden but not…” He sighed again as he massaged his temples, sober thoughts and it’s accompanied headache returning.

“You’re like me?” Her voice was soft, eye’s gentle as if she was worried the question would break him. If hadn’t spent the night out with her, it probably would have. He felt water fill his treacherous eyes – the golden lights in the street blurring in a wet mosaic. He watched her wobbling silhouette approach and place a soft hand on his cheek. His heart was racing, ocean in his ears, and he couldn’t tell if his stomach was doing flips due to the time in The Rising Sun or because, holy shit, someone knows.

“Hey,” came her gentle voice, bringing him back to reality. She moved her fingers softly against his skin and he felt himself lean into her hand. “I’ve never met someone else like me.” Despite the fear and hurt and anger, he smiled. She looked so innocent: stood on the tips of her toes to reach his face, cheeks flushed and tears welling in her own eyes. He opened his mouth, not yet sure what he wanted to say, just as the heavens above opened.

Rain poured down, soaking them both in seconds. Her hair stuck to her face and her thin shirt turned see through. He pulled off his jacket, wrapping it around her shoulders, before taking her hand. “Let’s get inside.” He called over the rain, thunder rumbling in the distance. She had a large, beautiful, grin on her face as she nodded, blowing a wet strand of hair from her eyes.

She gripped his hand, and they ran. They ran past couples hiding under canvas, past children staying out far too late dancing in the rain, past drunkards emptying their stomachs in the hay. They ran all the way up to the castle, free hands on sides to ease stiches.

By the time they pulled to a stop, hiding under the roof at the top of the entrance stairs and looking out at the courtyard, they were wheezing with laughter and creating puddles at their feet.

“Well,” Miriam panted, “That woke me up some.” Gwaine snorted and shook his hair like a dog, spraying Miriam who squealed in response. She shoved him, trying to get her own back, but slipped and fell. He caught her by the forearms but quickly let go as he noticed her grimace in pain. She ended sprawled on the floor, eyes watering but laughing still. His face fell in concern and he knelt next to her.

“Shit, Miriam, I’m sorry.” She shook her head, waving him off but she cradled her arms to her chest still. “Should we go to Gaius or Merlin? I’m sure—” She butt in, eyes wide.

“No, no, not Merlin. I’m fine, really Gwaine.”

“What’s wrong with Merlin?” He tried not to get defensive but drinking always made him more affectionate for his friends, even when they weren’t there.

She sighed, bringing her legs up to her chest and dropping her head on her knees. “I fucked up with Gwen and now everyone hates me and then I did something even worse this morning.” Her voice was muffled but Gwaine caught it all, mouth dropping slightly. He sat down properly, slotting himself next to her and gently wrapping and arm around her shoulders.

“I’m sure they don’t hate you—”

“They do, and if they didn’t already, what I did this morning certainly confirmed it. By the looks I was getting in the Kitchens this morning, everyone knows. Wouldn’t be surprised if Arthur sends me away tomorrow.” Her voice cracked and she nuzzled herself into Gwaine’s side. He pulled his arm tighter around her and she let out a content sigh.

“What could you have done that was so bad, eh? You threaten Princess or something?” he nudged her gently, in jest, but she lifted her head and stared at him with such sad eyes that his heart broke for her. “How about we get warmed up in my chambers and talk about this? Does that sound alright?” She sniffled, nodding. He stood first and extended his hand for her. The walk to the Knights quarters was quiet – just the patting of their feet and the sound of distant rain – but both their minds were reeling.

Miriam still didn’t quite understand what she had done wrong in the first place and so explaining it to Gwaine was going to be a mammoth task, and then she would also have to explain what her and Juliana had done that morning and what would he even think of that? Would he be disgusted? She couldn’t blame him but if he were, what would she do next? She had had a good night with him, and she knew she could get him to talk of his own issues eventually which would make Merlin happy, so she really wasn’t fond of the idea of loosing him so soon after befriending him. Befriending? Were they truly friends now or had they just happened to have gotten drunk together?

Oh bother, it was all far too much for her hazy mind to comprehend.

Gwaine opened a heavy oak door and stood to the side, waving her in. She bowed her head and obeyed – might as well do as he says so these last few hours of being his friend go as smoothly as possible.

She lit the fire as Gwaine gathered blankets and pillows for them to sit on. Once it was roaring, she leant sat on one of the pillows and stretched her feet out to warm them.

“I have spare clothes you could wear, if you would like? You should get out of your wet clothes, at least.” Face blank – her thoughts were too fast for her to convey emotion anymore – she nodded and pulled her shirt and trousers off, leaving her in just a damp chemise. She pulled a blanket round her shoulders and another over her arms.

Gwaine caught a brief look of what she was covering and had to close his eyes, trying to stop his mind from going down the dark path yet again.

He removed his own clothes, pulling on his night trousers and covering himself in a similar manner to her. They sat, watching the fire dance, and basked in the others presence.

“If it matters any,” he began, taking a deep breath, “I don’t think you could do anything to disgust me. I have explored nearly all the lands of Isles, partaken in most endeavours, so I struggle to imagine you could say something I haven’t seen or experienced myself already.” He kept his head forward, allowing her the space to process his words. He didn’t know what Miriam could have done to elicit such fear in herself, but he meant every word of what he had said. Bar threatening or hurting someone, he couldn’t think of anything she could have done wrong.

She bit her lip, puling the blanket tighter around her and picked at an exposed red stripe on her wrist. She had taken the bandages off after work – they had got covered in so much food that they were more harm than good – and hadn’t wrapped them again. They had scabbed over nicely, according to Gaius, but that made the temptation to scratch at them far worse than before. Especially now, with such an uncomfortable conversation approaching.

“Women sleeping with other women. I know it’s wrong, I know it is against the gods and all that is natural,” If she turned her head, she would have seen the confusion on Gwaine’s face, “And yet, no matter how many times I’ve tried to force out such disgusting temptations, it is something I do.” Gwaine sighed a breath of relief, and then his brows furrowed in concern as he fully processed what she said.

“Forced them out? Of yourself?” He turned towards her, shuffling closer. She allowed herself a moment to glance at his face, before turning back to the fire. She didn’t understand the look he wore. It wasn’t quite anger, nor was it agreement.

“Yes. Sleeping with men, letting them have their way with me, you understand.”

He cocked his head at that, even more confused. “I’m not sure I do, Miriam.”

She turned to face him properly now, crossing her legs to keep distance between them. He mimicked her and let his knees brush hers. “Supposedly you sleep with any woman that will allow you, is that not because you want to avoid something? To change something in yourself?” Judging by the way he averted his eyes, she was right.

“But it never changes anything.” His voice was hoarse, and he kept his eyes on the floor.

“No, no it doesn’t.

There was another pause. Gwaine stood, blanket still covering his arms, and made his way to a cupboard in the corner. He returned with a large ceramic jar and a fruit cake, setting both down next to his seat. He took a large swig from the jar – a home brewed spirit – coughed slightly and passed it to Miriam who did the same.

“So, what did you do wrong?” He thought it a simple enough question and yet the look she made at him suggested otherwise.

After mulling her answer over and taking another swig, she began, “Well, other than the obvious crime—“ she ignored his attempt to interrupt, “I was talking to Gwen. About Lancelot and I. And then she said how she felt there was no man made for her. And then I, hopeful, I suppose, asked if she had explored the prospect of women. And I know that that was wrong of me and I shouldn’t have said it and I apologised as such but the way she looked at me, the way she held such disappointment in those truly beautiful eyes… I fucked up.” She stopped, taking a shaky breath and a piece of the cake.

Once she had finished chewing, he nodded for her to continue. “And then Merlin and I were in my new rooms – talking about you, actually – and she asked for me and I tried to apologise again but I think I did it wrong because she stormed off and Merlin not long followed and—” she cut herself off with a frustrated groan, hands racking through her hair. The blanket fell from her arms, exposing the harsh lines coating them.

Gwaine took another drink.

“And you say you did something worse this morning?”

Her cheeks flushed at that, “Depends who you ask but yes, much worse. Though, Juliana enjoyed it if I do say so myself.” It took him a second, but he caught on with an ‘oh? Oh.’ And she nodded in response.

“But Gwen saw, I am certain of it. Not the whole thing, mind, but the way Juliana was talking to me, and then us going into the storeroom at the back and… I have truly fucked up, Gwaine.” She fell back, staring at the ceiling. He lay down next to her, eyes tracing patterns in the beams running across his room.

He liked to think he knew Merlin and Gwen well - well enough to judge their reactions - and he was sure Miriam was missing something important. Namely that same sex relations such as the ones she mentioned were not a crime in Camelot. Sure, they weren’t the norm, but Arthur, the King himself, partook in them and so the common people were quickly allowing themselves to give into such temptations. Supposedly, even Uther wasn’t that harsh on those found doing such things, although it was never something reported that he did himself. He was also sure that she was leaving out that she had feelings for Gwen and was beating herself up the attraction. Not that he blamed her for liking her – he had tried to pursue her when he had first arrived in Camelot too. She was something special, even the blind could see that.

He turned on his side to face her and waited for her to do the same. “What do you know about Camelot? About it’s attitudes to such things?” Her face scrunched up as she thought about it.

Really, she hadn’t heard anything about what Camelot thought about it. She never intended to end up here – she had gone from town to town for work and the forest she was found in was two days ride away from the citedale. She had intented to make her way as far north as north could go but never had any specific town in her head. She knew that Merlin and Arthur were handsy with each other and she had seen the way they slept together after Merlin had given her his role mat that night, but she assumed that was just something royals did with their servants. Same as they would with a woman.

And yet, with the line of questioning Gwaine was going down, she could sense that she was wrong somewhere along the line. “I don’t know anything about Camelot, save for Uther having been King here a few years past and everyone knows about him. But I have seen how Arthur and Merlin are and I expect you are asking because Merlin isn’t just a body to warm the Princesses bed?”

Gwaine laughed at that, happy she still referred to Arthur as that. “You’d be right there. Why are you so against people like that? People like yourself?” This time she looked angry and, if Gwaine looked close enough, scared. “You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to.”

She nodded, chewing her lip and scratching her wrists again. He took her hands in his, keeping them still.

“May I ask you something now, Gwaine?” He nodded slowly. “Could I see you? What you’ve done to yourself?” He sat up, dropping her hands. The blanket fell away but all she could see was his back from where she lay.

“I’m sorry. I just,” she sat up, not looking at him so he could have some privacy, “I want to know what it’s like for other people. And you’re a knight, you’re brave and yet you still did it and I just…” she grew quiet, water welling in her eyes once more, “I always thought myself a coward but maybe I’m not.”

She heard him sigh from next to her.

“I don’t think I’m all that brave, lass. Sometimes I think about joining those troops that go round preforming for lords and ladies. Gwaine the Freak. I’m sure I could draw in a pretty penny.” He laughed but there was no humour in it.

Slowly, he turned to face Miriam, and she followed suit. They locked eyes, her trying to show trust and him trying to confirm it, and then he dropped his blanket.

She couldn’t help the way she leant forward, hands itching to draw over his body. His chest and arms were littered in scars – some from fights and brawls, others from himself. There were a few burn marks, likely from run ins with magical beings. She met his eyes again, asking for permission, before she gave into temptation and traced the patterns marring his skin. She started over his chest, tracing over his heart, down to his ribs and then past a particularly nasty white mound by his naval. She then took his hand in her own, placing it on her knee. She began at his hand, tickling swirls over his palm which made him smile despite himself, and then, slowly, she worked her way up. There were fresh red streaks over the blue streams under his skin. They got less calculated the further up his forearm she got: more erratic, more angry, more hurt. He averted his eyes as she gently trailed her fingers over the fresh ones, not wanting her to see the tears slipping through his lashes. She found the circular scar at his shoulder where he had been skewered by a spear – that one still caused him pain in the winter. Finally, her hands trailed up his neck and cupped his jaw. She pulled his face to look at her again, thumb wiping away a stray tear.

“You’re beautiful, Sir Gwaine.” Her voice was light, genuine, and it broke him. He tried to snort, to play it off like it was nothing, but he couldn’t. Those traitorous tears broke the banks and came pouring down. She brought his head down to meet hers, foreheads resting on each other, and he shook. He distantly felt her arms wrap around him, and soft whispers near his ear, but he couldn’t be sure. You’re beautiful, Sir Gwaine. And he knew she meant it, he could see it in her eyes and hear it in her voice. She didn’t strike him as the kind of girl to dish words like that out and somehow, that made it so much worse. He felt as if he had let her down by being like this, despite knowing being like this was why she was drawn to him. He had never had anyone care for him before (bar Merlin), not truly, and even Merlin hid things from him. He wasn’t stupid, no matter how the other Knights joked: he could see that Merlin had a secret and he was almost certain it was to do with magic, but Merlin didn’t trust him with that, and he could feel the wedge that drove between them. But here was Miriam. A stranger, practically. And here was Miriam, sharing a secret with him that had practically killed her just days before, and here was Miriam, taking him in her arms and making his heart warm in ways it hadn’t since his father had died all those years ago. And here was Miriam, caring. Something so simple, and yet, so rare for him that he no longer knew what to do but cry.

He felt disgusting, snot dripping down his face like a child, and body growing hot sat so close to the fire, but he couldn’t bring himself to move. He sighed, tears slowing, and sank deeper against Miriam. She moved her head, resting it on his shoulder and bringing him closer to her. He listened to their heart beats – both still beating wildly from their run and subsequent outbursts.

They stayed that way for what felt like hours but was only a quarter of one. The fire was growing low, desperate for more wood. When they pulled apart from each other, a tangle of sweaty limbs, they stayed silent, basking in the loving atmosphere. Gwaine leant forward, throwing two more logs onto the embers, and sat back again.

Gently, he brought one of his calloused hands to her cheek – just as she had with his – and smiled. It was one of the most genuine smiles he had ever pulled, and he knew she could sense that. “Thank you.” It was barely a whisper, but she nodded, hearing it still.

They ended up working their way through the cake and the spirit, trading stories from the lands they had lived in, and ignoring what had happened before. They were both appreciative for the interaction, but neither was emotionally prepared to dive back into it and so they focused their energy on stuffing their guts.

The sun was beginning to rise by the time they passed out.

[bluepenguinstories]

Remoras Full Chapter XXI: Sunny Side Up

Everyone was to meet up by the end and make our trip back home. Earlier in the morning, the cubes with the tents were placed in Ray’s pocket. He and Tigershark would at least be fine, at the very least. Those two got their head start. As for me…

I thought we’d make it out all together. We had won, hadn’t we?

“Come on, you two! Let’s go! For real this time!” I called to Demetria and Remora. D&R, like ‘doctor’, which was something I was sure we all needed. There I went, going on about names and acronyms like I was delirious. Then again, I probably was.

After all, I walked ahead of them. I must have figured that they would follow behind, if they weren’t following behind already. But I must have been halfway in, my mind so focused on returning to Ray and Tigershark, when I looked behind and couldn’t see them. At one point, I thought I heard Demetria call out to me, but it was faint, and I couldn’t be sure. Fuck it. Being sure had nothing to do with it. If there was some reason why they weren’t following behind, I had to know what that reason was.

I tried to run back toward them, but the ceiling above began to crumble and it came crashing down ahead of me.

Maybe with my trusty brass knuckles I can break through the rocks and save them…

It was wishful thinking. Granted, that was the best kind of thinking. Much better than wistful thinking, which still had its time and place. All that rubble beaten and broken through, and there was still more. I wanted to keep going, not give up, but the ceiling continued to fall around me. Stone fell over me and scratched my arms and legs. I jumped back, then ran off.

Cowardice. If I didn’t run out of there, I would have been trapped as well. As well? No. I don’t want to believe they’re trapped in there. There has to be another way out.

Once I made it out, I leaned over to catch my breath. When I looked back, the cave had collapsed and I gasped.

No. By some miracle, or whatever, they must have made it out. I don’t want it to be like when I first came back after almost a year away and assume they died.

When I looked forward, I had trouble seeing anything. Winds swept the landscape and made it near-impossible to see just about anything around me.

“Ray!” I cupped my hands and yelled out into the air. “Tigershark!”

No answer. None at first. All I could do was move forward, even though I didn’t know where ‘forward’ was. Soon, I heard a voice in the distance to my left.

“Hun?” It was that same wispy and soft, plain as day voice that I knew so well; that Ray of Sunshine. I ran over and saw him and Tigershark, seated together next to a tent. That emotion of seeing something so familiar and so dear overtook me and I couldn’t help myself as I tackled him to the ground and wrapped my arms around him.

“Ack. Careful. I’m supposed to be dead,” he groaned. I released him from my grip and sat next to him. Tigershark then went for the tackle, herself. I welcomed it, hell, even staggered back in surprise of her strength.

“It’s so hard to see! It’s scary!” Tigershark exclaimed. I nodded.

“It certainly gives off a feeling, doesn’t it. But there’s a comfort in it, don’t you think? The mysterious? Despite the current state of the weather, it doesn’t seem to bring us any harm. Rather, even if it’s something to be cautious around...it feels right. Natural, even.”

“Uh…” Tigershark looked away. “It’s still scary, though.”

I hope she’s not reminded of the blizzard, I thought, remembering what was said about Tigershark’s parents. To think that the thing that took them was a deliberate manipulation, even if I didn’t fully understand it. Some kind of power to control the environment, create temporary blizzards at any time...was there any sort of explanation that could be made for such a thing?

“I know how this day must have been a frightening experience for you,” I gave her a nod. “But we’re safe now. We have shelter.”

“I’m not saying I’m scared! I’m just saying it’s scary!” She stood up and put her hands on her hips as she declared.

As much as I still had my worries about the two missing from our group, I couldn’t help but let out a laugh.

“Sure. You are a brave one. Strong, too.”

Hearing those words, she grinned. I was glad to see such a smile. My thoughts drifted once more to the two I became separated from, however, and I looked away from the two I was reunited with.

“Where is Remora and Demetria, by the way?” Ray asked. He must have seen through me. If there was one fault with either of us in relation to each other, it was that neither of us could get anything past the other.

“I walked ahead of them. I thought they would follow behind. I went a long way before looking back, and I know that was a bad call, but maybe I felt overconfident, sure they were close…” My voice trailed off. I had to clear my throat before I spoke up again. “There was a cave in. As far as I knew, there was only one way out of there.”

I looked down. Through my peripheral, I could see Ray nod.

“You think they didn’t make it?” He inquired.

I shook my head.

“No, I have to believe they did,” I concluded. It was a selfish thought, almost as selfish as believing that I had left them behind. But nonetheless, it felt like the right line of thinking to have.

“But it’s very likely they couldn’t have, right? Not if there was only one way out. No matter how strong they are, both of them are only human, right?” He continued to ask. Maybe he wanted to test my resolve. Hell, I wouldn’t have blamed him. But again, I shook my head.

“We’re talking about someone who not only survived a monster, a burning building, and a forest fire, and still managed to walk all the way back here on her own. I assumed she died, and at the time, I had good reason to believe so. Then there’s Remora. We both know she’s a different beast entirely. True, she’s human, but if she wanted to, I’m sure she’d find a way to survive. Even though there’s a chance they didn’t make it, I have to believe otherwise, not because I prefer to be optimistic, but because I need to have faith in them.”

“I see. I hope you’re right,” he looked up. He let slip a smile, then continued. “As much as I like it being just the three of us, I do find the dynamic when we’re all together to be quite amusing.”

Such a thought on the fun we all had together resonated with me and I sat closer to Ray and placed my hand over his as I looked up as well. He locked his fingers in with mine.

“...And if they did die, I’d be real mad!” Tigershark chimed in. “I’d go find their corpses and yell at them!”

Now that I had no doubt about.

When the sky cleared up, we made our trek back down to where we believed the diner to be. Still no sign of those two. We set up camp once it grew dark, all three of us hungry and huddled together in one tent. The next day, we continued down and reached the diner in the afternoon. We all scrambled to the heat and wrapped ourselves in blankets. Ray didn’t take long to warm up and he decided to take it upon himself to fix us some soup. Tigershark got up and ran into the kitchen, as I suppose she felt well enough to help. Rather, she may have thought that Ray wouldn’t be able to handle it well as he was still taking some time to get used to things. In any case, I’m sure he appreciated it.

I continued to look out the window. If they didn’t show up sooner or later, I swore that I would go out and search for them. Whatever the outcome, I needed to know for sure. If that meant searching, I would.

Silence. Time slipped by. Darker.

Evening came and I was so sure I would continue to see no sign of them. But it was just as my eyes began to flutter down and my head bobbed, ready to drift off into dreamland that the front door slammed against the walls and jolted me wide awake. I steered myself in the direction of the door and my body must have been confused as to whether to grin or gasp because my mouth went to form a grin and instead I hiccuped.

There they stood, huddled together, both blue in the face. For once, even if it was for such a painful moment, they were totally in sync with each other. Their hair both a total mess, along with their clothes, as they were both torn and dirty. Together, they shivered and staggered over to the nearest booths.

“Guys?!” Startled, yet relieved, I stood and hurried up to them. “Are you alright?!”

“Take-a-wild-ass-guess,” Demetria rasped through chattered teeth and short breaths.

“No,” Remora turned to me, her cheeks looked locked in place and her mouth opened just a crack, like a window begging for fresh air.

At least she can answer. That’s something.

Both of them looked worse for wear, frostbitten, even. But alive. That was a good place to start, at least.

“Ray! Tigershark!” I cupped my hands and yelled to the kitchen. “Prepare some miso soup and elk stew! Stat!”

They sat next to each other, a sight I wasn’t yet used to, even if they had already done so in some capacity during the camping trip. In unison, their heads fell onto the table and the shivering festival continued.

“We could have had a puppy…” Demetria whined. Okay, maybe she was in better shape than I thought, if she was able to whine. Though whatever she was on about, I had no fuckin’ clue.

“Will you stop going on about that? If Tigershark hears, she’s going to get ideas,” hissed Remora through shivers and little twitches.

“Seems you two are recovering already,” I remarked, trying to offer words of comfort.

“No. I’m just used to this,” Remora muttered.

Demetria lifted her head up little by little as if her head had become a boulder. She glared at Remora.

“Sh-sh-sh-show off,” she struggled to get the words out as she continued to shiver uncontrollably.

“How am I showing off? Just because I’m used to it doesn’t mean I’m comfortable with it.”

Against all odds (and logic) they continued to banter like that and I gave a blank stare as I tried to take it all in.

Is it wrong to think that they act like an old married couple? Yeah, probably. I won’t say anything.

“Well, sit tight, I’ll get you guys both some blankets. Ray and Tigershark are making you guys food,” I assured them. That prompted Remora to look up at me with a dead expression on her face.

“I can’t pay,” she replied, flat and monotone. Say what you will, but I rather missed the lack of expression in her voice. It was something familiar. As for the reply...I was confused. Maybe just a tad.

“You don’t have to. You’re not a customer, you’re…” Family? A friend? I wasn’t sure what I wanted to say. At last, I found a word to settle on. “Special.”

“Why?” She asked.

Numerous reasons, silly. Such as…

Instead of listing reasons why, as I found I lacked a proper answer, I instead smiled real wide and said, “I don’t know. Isn’t it better just to be for its own sake?”

No. That wasn’t a good answer. It was for me, but for her, that wouldn’t have satisfied. By now I knew that she needed a concrete answer, and one that made sense to her. I just couldn’t be the one to satisfy, as I didn’t have a concrete answer to give.

To her credit, she said nothing in response and lowered her head back onto the table. Dissatisfied or otherwise, it would seem that she too was at a loss for any real response.

I motioned over to the little window behind the counter that overlooked the kitchen. I leaned up to it and told Ray, “those aren’t customers. This meal’s on the house.”

“Yeah, I saw,” he let out a sigh. “Here I was hoping I could get some money out of people.”

I wanted to elbow him but he was just out of reach.

“C’mon! Aren’t you happy to see that they’re back?”

“Happy? I’m not sure. Relieved? Most definitely. It warms my heart, or at least as much as it can at this point,” his voice was had some grit to it and yet I understood that he spoke in earnest. It seemed I needed to “speak his language,” so to speak.

“This place really can be harsh, can’t it? It’s not easy to keep a positive attitude in a place like this,” I shook my head and smiled as I spoke such words.

“Yes, but it can be a beautiful place as well, full of wonder,” he replied, his voice softening. “Joy and comfort can be found even in a place like this.”

Sometimes it seemed in order to help the both of us, we needed to sort of “swap” with each other. After we traded off energies, then we could level out and continue on.

“That reminds me,” he added. “After their meal, I’d like to make myself a hot cup of chamomile tea to soothe my tired soul.”

“I second that motion,” I nodded, then made my way to the back and grabbed a blanket for the two. Once I returned to the dining hall, two bowls of soup were situated at the table and both recipients had already begun to dig in. As I approached them, I noticed they were in the middle of a conversation:

“What if I had a different name?” Remora asked.

“Then I’d think of you the same. I thought that was obvious,” Demetria replied without so much of a second thought.

“I see. Say, if there was an alternate version of yourself, what kind of life would you like to live?” Remora quizzed Demetria again. I didn’t know what prompted such a discussion, or if it was some oddly specific game of 20 questions.

“I don’t know,” Demetria shrugged. “That’s a rather broad question. I mean, if there’s a limitless amount of universes and there’s the potential for a limitless different versions of me, then I could do anything.”

“But if there was an alternate path your life led, what kind of life would you like to lead?”

“I don’t know. Maybe an assassin? What about you?”

“I think I’d like to be a school teacher,” Remora answered, something which surprised me.

“You, a school teacher?”

“What? If I had a choice, why not?”

While I still didn’t know what prompted such a discussion, nor why she would choose that of all things, I found it interesting nonetheless.

“Here’s your blanket, you guys,” I greeted them as I passed them a thick blanket. To think just a little over a week ago there was another two seated who had been stranded out in the cold and needed a blanket.

“Thank you,” Remora looked up and told me with her dull voice. I couldn’t help but grin.

I turned my attention toward the empty seat across from the two.

“Mind if I sit?” I asked them. They both shrugged. As I took my seat, I took note of the two; there was a slight bit of distance between the two. If Tigershark were to crawl under the table, she could’ve squeezed in between them. Their heads were both focused more on their respective meals than each other. Of course, that was all too understandable. Still, the question cropped up in my mind, what thoughts stir through the ripples of their soup?

“So what happened to you guys?” I questioned them. As glad as I was to see them back, there was still the slightest bit of concern which hung from the edges of my mind.

“Remora suffered some injuries and I wasn’t just going to leave her behind. I tried to call out to you to help, but you must not have heard, so I tried to take it upon myself. We just barely made it out and the whole thing collapsed after that,” Demetria explained to me. I was a little astonished to hear such things, not just because of how impressive such a feat was, but the fact that they had made it out at all when from my end, it had caved in.

“I heard, actually,” I replied, a sour taste in my mouth as I did so. “I tried to make it back to you guys, but I was blocked. You must have come out from a different end, if there even was one,” I then suggested.

“That could have been it,” Remora seemed to agree. “In any case, we all made it back. What’s done is done.”

“Still, you guys don’t look in very good shape,” I pointed out. Considering the whole ordeal with Ray, I wasn’t about to let something like that go.

“I’d have been just fine going out on my own, but she insisted on staying behind with me,” Remora dismissed my concerns.

“You were so convinced you were going to die. I couldn’t just let that happen,” Demetria argued.

“Yeah. What do you think I meant by ‘going out on my own’?”

Demetria fell silent, opting instead to look away. I gulped, not realizing that I would dredge up some kind of tension.

Big oopsie.

“I don’t think you should talk that way…” Demetria then muttered as she continued to look away.

“Why?”

I felt like butting in, going “so guys, how’s the soup?” But I resisted.

“Because I care about you,” she answered, her words dry and strained.

“Wh – I see. Thank you.”

I began to whistle, as I really wasn’t good at moments like those. Especially when I wasn’t involved with them.

“Stop making noises. It’s distracting me from eating,” Remora scolded. I piped down. Really, it was fine just to watch them. Did I need anything else? I didn’t think so.

Not long after the quiet set in, it was taken over by Ray and Tigershark’s presence as they both approached the table. Tigershark lunged out and plopped down on Remora’s lap. Remora made an audible “oof” sound, but allowed it. Now that I thought of it, both Remora and Demetria must’ve been sore and in a great deal of pain. Though I could imagine Remora was more used to it.

“You know, it really is good to see you two again,” Ray greeted. “It just feels complete.”

“Yes,” Remora looked up and added. What ever happened to ‘let me eat soup’?

“At the same time, it does feel weird to think that it’s all over now. We don’t have to worry about any more attacks, there’s no more mystery to solve. Now we might finally see people return, or at the very least be at peace. But it goes without saying, where do we go from here?” Ray mused...no, that may have been the way he talked in the past, but there was now an earnest uncertainty.

“Well, you’re in luck, then. I don’t think our problems are over. Only delayed. That monster in the mansion, there being attacks up here from one man with little note or explanation, neither of those are a coincidence. When I faced that guy after you fled, he mentioned working for, or with, someone. I think the motivation for this person, or group of people, is based partly on a desire for revenge. But the fact that they’d kill others, just for being around, tells me that it’s more than personal – they just want to kill. No matter how complex they may see themselves, I can’t help but think their reasoning is anything other than shallow.”

“I see. So you’re saying our accomplishment was pointless?”

“No, not pointless. It needed to happen, just as that mansion needed to burn down. It removes one obstacle, and things may die down for a while, but I would expect something else to crop up, and probably from the same person or group of people.”

“It’s just a little bitter how there’s been so many attacks and deaths and all we’ve done is chip away at something we still don’t understand.”

“Even so, I don’t think I could have done this trip without you guys. For that, thank you. However…” She cupped her palms over her forehead and looked down, almost like she was ashamed at what she was going to say next. “I still tricked you guys.”

“How so? We were all in on it. Well, there was Demetria, but other than that –” Ray began, before being interrupted.

“No, that’s not what I mean. I told you guys that upon successful completion of this, I would split all the money I had between you guys. Well, all the money I have is...no money. See, a while back, my house was burned down. I presume from the same guy who was responsible for those attacks. Along with my house and the money I had stored, several of my possessions, including my teleportation device, barrier projectors, as well as other tools were destroyed. I’ve known this for some time now and stayed here, not wishing to tell anyone.”

She talked like she expected some big shock amongst ourselves. Perhaps if we were all a different group, we would have been appalled, but instead, I waved it off.

“Oh well, it’s not like Ray or I needed the money. Besides, it’s the journey, not the destination, isn’t it?” I smiled and reassured her.

“I could’ve used the money…” Demetria muttered. Ray concurred, even if he took it a little more seriously than I had.

“This affected all of us,” he informed Remora. “We would have helped regardless. I’m more concerned that you felt you needed to trick us in order to receive help.”

Upon hearing this, she wasn’t much reassured, but hung her head lower.

“Yes, I realize that in all likelihood, making such empty promises were unnecessary. I should know you all better by now and trust you all. Maybe I’m just so fixed on what’s worked before for me, so it makes sense for me to act that way. But I know if it was someone else who did that, I would have told them off. That’s the thing...I can tell all the flaws of others and call them out, yet am prone to the same mistakes. I say I value honesty, but am dishonest.”

“Well, I can understand that in certain situations, it may be necessary,” Ray empathized. “To you, it may seem that you only do what you believe is necessary or justified. I won’t fault that line of thinking.”

“Indeed. I will strive to be more open with all of you.”

“Remora, you can stay here as long as you need to, you know,” I tried to assure her once more.

She shook her head.

“I’ve never needed a home in the first place. So it’s not a huge loss for me.”

Even if that much was true, or what she believed, it must have affected her in some way. In her old life she had what I imagine was a great deal of money at her disposal and whenever she wanted, she could just warp to wherever she wanted. Whether she realized it or not, things would be different for her. If being around people was already a great adjustment for her, being without many of her resources was going to be even more of one.

“I agree with my wife. We’re happy to help in any way we can. You’ve got friends here.”

She looked up now, her eyes wide and mouth ajar, like she was shaken by a great revelation.

“What? Since whe –” She began, before cutting herself off and retracting. “Thank you. I don’t understand, but I appreciate it.”

Ray smiled. “It’s good to have you back.”

He went on about his way, perhaps to make that cup of tea he so wanted. Tigershark also jumped down and went off to the back of the diner. Soon after, both of the two ladies next to me finished their bowls and I took them. Any other time, that would’ve been Demetria’s job, but I figured she had been through enough and needed to relax a little. When I returned from placing the bowls in the kitchen sink, there was only Demetria. Remora must’ve gone back to her room, but she stayed where she was, for whatever reason.

“Hey hun, what’cha doin’ all by yourself?” I checked up on her. Her face was fixated on the window, but it didn’t look like she was looking out, and just wanted to look away.

“I was hoping I could talk to you,” she replied. “Alone.”

“Oh?” I sat down and figured I was in for something. Some kind of heart-to-heart.

“You know as well as I do that I first came here for shallow reasons,” she began, still facing away.

“Well, I’m not sure if I’d call it shallow...even a swimming pool has substances at the bottom of it.”

First came a heavy sigh, then, “look, I’m not good with metaphors, Sunny.”

Oh wow. She said my name. This must be serious.

“It’s obvious that I came here because of my crush on Remora,” she continued.

“Yeah, and I think that’s beautiful,” I countered. She glared and that was my cue to just let her talk.

“Back then, I hate to admit this, but I don’t think I really saw her as a person. I idolized her and thought of her as this larger than life figure. No doubt, she is beautiful, but thinking back, it was more like I thought of her as a fictional character. Just something straight out of a comic book. Maybe this way you can understand it – I didn’t know what kind of life she led, but I figured if I followed her, I would be dropped into a world of action and excitement. It certainly has been that, too, but the longer time has went on, the more clear it is that she’s a person.”

I wonder if Remora herself would’ve liked to hear that seeing as she at times had trouble seeing herself as a person, what with struggling to understand others.

“What I’m saying is, I don’t think it’s a crush anymore, and I don’t know what I feel,” she included.

“How do you figure that?” I asked.

“Well, for starters, I just said I see her now as more of a person. I also care about her. People with crushes don’t care about the person they have a crush on, do they?”

“I mean...the two aren’t mutually exclusive. You totally can.”

“Huh,” she replied, although if she were surprised, she kept focus on where her thoughts were instead. “There’s something there, that much I know. I’ve told you how it was meeting her at the aquarium, my impression of her, not wanting to be ordinary. How I made her into my motivation for anything. If there’s one thing I fear, it’s losing interest in her, but at the same time, I think my interest has already shifted. At least in the sense that I don’t see her the same way.”

“That doesn’t have to be a bad thing though, right?”

“No, but...I just don’t know how to place how I feel anymore. It was easier when I was more...that. But now it’s like she’s still important to me, but it’s different. I was thinking you could help me out with that.”

Man, I recalled how things were on our adventure, but I really wasn’t good with things like that. If only she had gone to Ray. But maybe she just related more to me because of the adventure…

“I appreciate you coming to me,” I cleared my throat as I told her. “But I don’t really know what to tell you. It’s probably not what you want to hear, but I can’t really say where your feelings lie. It’s really up to you. I’ve always just let my feelings take me wherever and worried later. Seems like the better option, anyway.”

She slumped down. Her face hadn’t brightened at all. I really wished I had been of more help.

“I thought you’d have some kind of answer for me…” She rasped.

“I’m not really sure, and that would be wonderful if I was, wouldn’t it? But that said, however you feel, I don’t think it’s a bad thing.”

“I hope not. I just wish I had words I could put for it.”

“Hey,” I stuck my thumb up. “Just take some time here and there to think about it. You might just be pleased with whatever conclusion you come to. If nothing else, I think it’s a good sign that you care about her!”

I left her with that, unsure where else to go. If I was better with such things I could have been ‘it’s love’ or ‘it’s friendship’ but instead I was just like ‘thank you, but hell if I know.’

Maybe that was just the sign I needed. I’ve spent a while back at home really getting to know and spend time with everyone, but with things calming down and Ray recovered, I felt it was due time to head off once again and embark on another adventure.

Even though that itch had return, I had to rein it in. There wasn’t any word of treasure to find or any destination in mind. Nothing slated in the works. Ah, but I knew what the solution was. First, a good night’s rest was in order. Then I would explore my options.

Oh boy!

Once morning came around and I had myself a hearty breakfast consisting of an omelet with bacon, sausage, five different kinds of cheeses (cheddar, pepper jack, gouda, feta, and gorgonzola), pickles, onions (red, green, white), spinach, olives, and last but not least, salmon, I was ready and raring to go.

“Hey Ray! What kinda requests we got?” I charged through the back door and slammed it against the wall as I announced my presence. He looked up.

“Please be more gentle with our home,” he stated before he looked back down at his desk and grabbed the stack of papers. He held it out and I snatched them from him as I shuffled through one by one. He leaned over and I caught his gaze.

“Does this mean we’re back on for doing this? Missions and what not?”

“It is if I can find something good!” I couldn’t stress that enough. Many of them I skipped through while looking and hoping for inspiration until at last I found one that interested me. It wasn’t even one that suited me (it might have been more suited for Remora) but it was the closest I could find to one that piqued my interest. It read:

There have been reports of unexplained killings happening in Chicago, Illinois. Sightings of a tall figure basked in the darkness of night carrying large bladed weapons might be suspect. Other signs point to a blue-tinted hair without a match to anyone in the city’s database. Upon successful identification and elimination of the killer, a lump sum of $100,000 will be mailed.

“Wow. Short,” I commented. No details on the bodies? Not who had been killed or possible reasons why? Some help that was. Still, if it meant exploring and uncovering a mystery, I was game.

“What is it?” Ray asked. I handed the request to him and he scanned through, then shook his head. “Reads like a police report. Was never a fan of those guys.”

“Obviously I’m right there with you, but still, this is something! This could be fun!”

“What? Murder?”

I shook my head with such vigor it was a miracle it didn’t fall off.

“No! Mystery solving! And then murder, I guess. But I mean, if it’s someone who’s already going around killing others, they’re probably bad, anyway, right? So I’d just be killing a killer.”

“If you want to, be my guest. You just don’t strike me as the kind of person into that kind of work,” he argued.

I thought it over. Yeah, he was right. Exploring? Yes. Some mystery? Yes. But taking a life? Hmm…

“Well, it’s not like we need the money, I just wanna go out. Besides, what if it turns out that upon finding this person, they’ve got a pretty good reason and instead I convince them to come to our diner?”

He laughed.

“That sounds like a me thing. But do as you will, just try and be careful. As long as you’re having fun, I can’t complain,” he relented, then scratched his chin. “There’s little I can argue against when it comes to your happiness. I’ll go ahead and give Cybele a call, let her know where you’ll be heading.”

“Thanks hun! I’ll try not to be gone too long, but you know how I can be when I get distracted!” My excitement was too great for any reassurances. But just to top it all off, I leaned over and kissed his forehead.

Right as I was about to run out, Demetria came out of her room and she must’ve overheard the commotion.

“What are you up to?” She demanded to know. I pointed to the paper in hand before explaining:

“I’m off to go find and kill someone.”

She gave off an incredulous look, then scoffed.

“I get that you’re all tough and stuff, but have you ever taken a life before?” She questioned.

“Let’s just put it this way: you know how when I go on adventures there’ll be bad guys shooting at me on bridges, and I use my wit to make those bridges fall? Well, often times, I’m pretty sure those guys don’t have fall with a smooth landing.”

She stared once again, though rather than incredulous, she looked just a tad disgusted.

“Uhh...okay then.”

“I’ll be fine, really!” I pushed past any concern she may have had and ran off, ready to set foot in the windy city.

Once the plane landed down on a rooftop, I jumped out, then waved bye to Cybele.

“I’ll call you when I’m done!” I yelled to her.

She yelled back, but I didn’t catch what she said. At least I was sure she didn’t catch what I said, either, so no big deal.

From the rooftop, I scaled down from the ledge and descended little by little until I made it to the sidewalk where I plopped down. As far as I could tell, no one batted an eyelash, so it must not have been all that out of the ordinary.

“Wow,” I mouthed the words as the crisp air drifted along. Oh, sure, crisp, but nothing quite as bone-chilling as where I was from. It felt more like a gentle breeze, instead. While I watched small crowds go by and the smell of food carts and restaurants nearby mingled with musty odors of trash bins scattered about the sidewalk, I felt a shove against my shoulder. I turned and someone walked past, hands in their pocket and grumbling about how I wouldn’t move over.

“Oh yeah,” I commented. “That’s why I don’t go to cities often.”

As I stomped along at a roadrunner’s pace against the crowded sidewalks, I thought of what little I knew.

So night is the most likely time I would find this person. Right now it’s a bright and cloudy day. Goals right there. Though the cloudy day is a little overshadowed by the skyscrapers muddying everything out. Not so goals.

There weren’t huge crowds, just swathes of people in drips and drabs. Some in small groups, some going on about their business. As much as there was a steady stream of people, it wasn’t a large mass with no room to breathe. There were gaps in between. Similar were the traffic. Little groups at all times, but no long lines waiting to go.

I checked my phone. It was a little before the evening, an hour or so before sunset. Just after rush hour must have ended.

Since I had no clues and ‘large bladed weapons’ along with ‘blue-tinted hair’ was far too vague, I decided to enjoy myself a bit; ferry tours, stops at pizza shops, and listening to jazz bands at a nearby bar. While listening along and shoving a slice of a deep dish pizza as far into my mouth as I could, I turned the bartender and swallowed.

“Hear any rumors as of late?” I tried to nudge the bartender’s beefy tattooed shoulders, but the counter was too wide. She leaned in while polishing a glass.

“What do you wanna know?” She inquired, a sharp smile on her face. It reminded me so much of Ray’s whole persona. However, this person was younger and looked to be entwined with the city’s culture.

I almost asked “Anyone tall with colored hair?” Until I realized that didn’t really narrow it down much.

Instead, a smile spread across my face as I thought of what I wanted to ask.

“Like any abandoned places around here? I’m somewhat of an urban explorer and looking for my next fix.”

She placed her finger on her chin and tapped her foot. I took another chomp at my pizza. Such gooey pepperoni, anchovy, and pineapple goodness, all in a thick layer.

“There’s this office building at the docks that’s been sitting around for lord knows how long. Couple’a folks I know say they’ve passed by and expressed interest in breaking in, but you know…” She trailed off, as if I was supposed to catch her drift.

“Nah, I don’t. What?”

“Oh c’mon, are you a cop?”

Upon hearing that, a couple of sardonic thoughts on what to say played through my head: 1) Sis, my husband’s got ties with time traveling mobsters and likes to cheat billionaires out of their money just for fun. 2) Wanna feel under my shirt for wires? Shit, I don’t even have a gun. All’s I got is a lasso and some brass knuckles.

Instead I did the least convincing thing I could have done: shoved the rest of my pizza into my mouth and told her (while my mouth was full of food), “I’m just ignorant.”

I swallowed then took a big gulp of water.

“Sorry ‘bout that. Anyway, no need to worry about me. Now, I’m guessing there’s gangs and homeless people who like to hang about, then there’s teenagers who’ve already broken in before?” I suggested.

“Mm-hmm. Pretty much. Though I dunno about the dumb kids part. Mostly the folks I’ve talked to said they’ve seen lights turn off and on in different parts of the building. No shadow or sign of anyone, though.”

Huh. So maybe it was a ghost.

“Oh, and just a fair warning: there’s been rumors of this shadowy figure roaming about around those parts. Some say that same figure’s also the one responsible for some killings as of late.”

“Oh? Like what?” My interest was piqued. In such a big city and I already had my lead.

“No one important. Just a few cops and a landlord. Oh, and I think the CEO of a construction company. But that’s it. I’m sure give it a few days and more deaths will be attributed to this mysterious person. Give it another day and people will have moved on. I’m betting whoever this person is, they don’t even have anything to do with these deaths.”

Even if that does turn out to be the case, I have to know for sure, I mulled it over, and decided to listen to a few of the jazz performers, but vowed to investigate the building as soon as closing time came around.

By the time I left that bar, however, I had forgotten all about the mission.

“Man, I could listen to those saxophones all week!” I cackled as I exited. “I’ve gotta bring home a saxophone when all this is said and done!”

When I looked into the sky and saw a pale moon obscured by a thin layer of gray clouds, I drew a breath of air and the cloud that formed from my breath was a lighter shade than the ones in the sky.

What am I doing again? I went to get a bite to eat, and now I’m a little buzzed and hazy. Should I go to a motel? Or...well, there was that abandoned office building the bartender told me about. Good enough place to sleep as any, right?

Then it clicked: that was the place I needed to check out, anyway.

Excited, I rubbed my hands together and ran down the street and headed for the office building. For how long I ran, I didn’t know, as I was lost in the trance of the night. Every action was an after thought from the initial run down to me taking a leap over the fence.

When I made it over, I stopped and the world had caught up with me as I felt its stillness take over. Everything from then on was more clear: I stood in the dark of the night in front of a tall building while people lay scattered around, some huddled in sleeping bags, others in tents. Some close together. Off to my left was the smoke from a makeshift fire. There were a few folks who paced about or went on about their business, making conversation with or propositioning others.

None of them seemed to notice me. I motioned closer to the building as I inspected the windows and doors; all boarded up, no sign of entry.

How did the bartender’s friends see anything through the windows if they’re all boarded up? Unless they were only recently boarded up.

Right when I made my way to circle around in order to find a way in, I was stopped.

“Hey lady. What are you doin’ here?” I heard the gruff voice of a man with curly white hair and a brown leather cap. half-tired was his voice, weary, with just a bit of grit.

“Trying to get in here,” I replied and figured I had nothing to lose by being honest.

“What do you want in there for?”

I reached to my hip where I kept a rope and hook fastened. Beats me why I didn’t think to do so sooner.

“Hey!” Alarmed, he took a step back. “What you reachin’ for?”

“Relax. Just some rope,” I replied, then held the hook in my hand, ready to throw it up to the roof so I could pull myself up. “As for why I want in, mostly just to see what I can find.”

In the corner of my eye, I could see him shake his head.

“There’s nothin’ of value you’ll find there,” he grunted. That was a response I couldn’t help but find odd.

“Who says there’s not value in seeing for myself?” I flashed him a grin, then threw the hook and watched as it landed on the roof. If there was no way in, I’d make a way, and what better way in than down?

Once I pulled myself up, I saw a door that hadn’t been boarded.

“Ah, so this must be how this person’s getting in,” I muttered. Although I must have made all sorts of noise climbing up, now that I was up, I wanted to be as silent as possible.

When I turned to open the door, I found that it was locked. Without further delay, I fished out a hairclip and jostled it in the keyhole. After I heard a click, I turned the handle and was met with...a brick wall.

You’ve got to be kidding me. Sealed out?

I shook my head. It was as if I had been put in some elaborate prank, except no one popped out to announce “you’ve been punk’d!”

I paced about and tapped my foot against the concrete floor. One spot in particular felt weaker than the other.

I’d like to think my legs are strong as well, but I’d hate to kick down and crash all the way to the bottom.

I fastened my brass knuckles on each hand and knelt beside the weakened concrete. Then, with a raised fist and a swift punch to the floor, a crack formed. One more punch, then the floor collapsed next to me and I heard the crash as the concrete collided with the next floor below. It seemed to stop before it got too far, as I didn’t hear such a long series of crashes. With a sigh of relief, I clicked a small flashlight and saw the outline of a hallway along with the hole in the floor that I had caused.

After dropping below, I pointed the flashlight as I scanned around the area. Doors, which when opened, held empty rooms. Some held filing cabinets with empty drawers. Some had desks and chairs, but nothing within or on either. Through the empty halls, I traced each pace with careful movements, every footstep a crawl’s pace.

At the end of the hallway was a rundown elevator. I thought that I could use it to reach the lower floors, but I couldn’t pry the elevator doors open, so after a good struggle and no budge, I left it alone and headed back where the hole in the floor lay. I dropped down and as I did so heard what sounded like crackling electricity in the distance. Like wires broken, but with a charge.

I preferred the silence.

I kept close to the wall and approached the sound. Since my descent, there had been no indication of any traps to avoid. Just the thought made me miss my trips to ancient temples. Soon, the hallway opened up into a large space with carpeted floor and many doors against the walls. At one point in time, I could picture a series of cubicles. Through those doors were offices. This building had a history and although such a history was unknown to me, the pieces to its story was there.

All movement from me had ceased. My flashlight dropped upon seeing someone crouched down against a panel on the far end of the wall, their back turned to me. The drop of my flashlight echoed throughout the halls. I couldn’t make out many of their features, save for their height and dark clothing, along with a helmet over their head.

I don’t think I’m seeing a ghost. Not only that, but this person must have noticed me. Any chance of sneaking has gone out the window. Oh, who am I kidding? The crash of the ceiling should have given me away before I even entered.

Since there was little else I could do, any movement would have given me more away whether forward or back, I watched; a spark of light displayed their hands, gloved, and nearby, a light turned on in one of the rooms. Then another light. No other lights turned on and at last, the person spoke:

“Damn. Still not enough,” cursed the figure in a harsh, yet wispy voice. Almost like a breeze, but less gentle and more brisk.

“What are you doing?” My words forced themselves out in a hoarse, reluctant question. Sure, I was curious, but if this was the person I needed to kill, then I had to get right into the action.

“Trying to bring power to this place. Electricity can provide light. Heat. Power,” came the reply, a breathy one at that. In spite of its seriousness, their pitch was on the higher end.

“Renovation?” I suggested.

Without so much as turning to me, the figure replied with a nod.

“There are many rooms here. It can provide shelter to many. It’s illegal to use electricity without paying the electric company. It’s also illegal to enter abandoned and unused property. But then again, it’s also illegal to be homeless. Some crimes cannot be helped.”

“Indeed,” I agreed, then added to it, “so is murder.”

To that, the figure stopped what they were doing and got up. I heard the clang as their helmet fell to the floor. Its metallic features and shape became illuminated by the small amount of light brought on by my dropped flashlight. Also illuminated were the figure’s legs, both bulky and well-toned muscles.

Muscular. I can respect that, at least.

While I could tell their stature from what little light there was, their face remained obscured by the darkness.

“As I said: some crimes cannot be helped,” tight spoken words, a hint of anger.

I took a step back and got into a fighting stance. That all but confirmed that I had found the killer.

“Are you the shadowy figure who’s been murdering people?” I raised my voice, not out of anger, but just to make sure we were both on the same page.

“I am, and I take it that you’re someone of authority, come to bring me to justice?”

“Close,” my smile widened. No sound of weapons drawn, but I needed to be ready, nonetheless. “But I’m just doing this because I want to.”

I charged in, fist raised, and threw it forward, only for figure to swerve out of the way. So I elbowed back and felt their grip against my arm squeeze in.

Such a tight grip, holy hell.

Although I struggled, I managed to push back and spun back. They had let go and I heard their footstep take a skip back.

“See, that’s just not a good reason,” returned their voice, more pronounced now. Rather than the breezy voice before, it was more husky in tone and carried a bite to it.

I reached for the rope and hook once more and spun it around, then flung it forward. Whether I would miss or hit, what I didn’t expect was to feel a tug against the hook and the rope cut from it. Then, footsteps tapped at an alarming speed, and although I managed move out of the way, the hook slashed across and made cuts against my arm.

“I would say you’re foolish, but no: you’re just impulsive,” they spoke again, almost analytical in tone now.

Another slash soon came, and I heard the blow of the swing in time for me to move, then I reached for the other side of my hip from where the rope had been and pulled out a whip, then crackled it against my enemy’s hand as the hook they had taken from me fell out and I heard a grunt in pain. While disarmed, I thought I could throw a punch in, but my fist was caught with their palm, and the grip tightened in.

I can’t let them have their hands free, I then threw my other fist in and we were both locked in now. Our strengths seemed a near match as we kept pushing each other back and forth, a tug-of-war with our respective strengths. Then, as I pushed forward, I managed to push them far enough back that the sparks from the open panel they had been at illuminated their face. No, her face.

An audible gasp escaped me. There it was, the blue-tinted hair, with a matchstick in her mouth.

“Rhea? Is that you?” I uttered in shock, the resemblance, with what little light I could tell, was uncanny. Her smile spread, then gave her reply.

“Heh. Now there’s a name I haven’t heard in years.”

She then raised her knee and kicked me away. I fell back. Next to me was my hook from the rope. Well, I could undo the knot in my lasso and use that as a replacement. Damn, maybe I really did have a thing for ropes and whips.

I grabbed the hook and picked myself up, ready to strike. Even if she was this person who...who I thought had died, or who I thought Remora was, well...I still had a job to do.

“There was a request for your death,” I explained.

“So you fancy yourself some kind of bounty hunter, then?” She mused, almost as playful as I.

I nodded, then slashed across with the hook, but she jumped back. She then grabbed the wires and plunged them against my wrist. The shock coursed through me and I fell back.

Although my heart was in a rush, I still had plenty of wind left in me. As I struggled up, she slid a long sword from a sheath and held it out, pointed at me.

“Don’t move a muscle. I could kill you right now,” that playful, but icy voice rang through my ears. It lingered and created goosebumps against my shoulders and the voice carried like an aftertaste. Rather than do what she could have done, she sheathed her blade.

I drew a breath and tried to pick myself up, but then she grabbed me by my neck. Only inches in the air, I was still surprised to be lifted at all as she looked me in the eyes and flashed a toothy grin.

“I could kill you, but instead, I think I’ll give you just enough strength to go back wherever you came from as a warning.”

Fair deal. It’s just too bad I don’t go down that easily.

I swung myself forward and hoped to kick her so I could be released, but it took her no time at all to catch on to what I tried and she unsheathed her sword once more and plunged it into my kneecap. Just as fast as she had done so, she pulled it out and held her blade close to her. I let out a piercing cry of pain as I knelt down, blood trickling down my jeans and onto the floor.

“I’m allowing you to walk away. How are you going to do that if you don’t walk?” She asked and sounded too bored to know the answer to such a question.

Although I struggled, I leaned against the wall and tried to move closer to her. Even as I limped, I wasn’t ready to give up. I’d throw every last punch I could. Rather than give me such a chance, she took her sword and rather than stab me once again, held it back and pushed the hilt against my shoulder. I fell back once more.

“Now. I won’t doubt that you could have put up more of a fight, but you’re at a disadvantage. You can hardly see. You’ve already taken some serious injuries. You didn’t know who you were up against.”

“Heh. No pain no gain,” I rasped out the words. Already lightheaded, I felt myself soon to lose consciousness.

“Yes. But something tells me you’ll need a break.”

Damn. Yeah. A nice bath, some patching up, a few days and I’d be back at it for another fight, and then I’d be more prepared. There wasn’t any reason to give up…

“Here’s what will happen next: I will take you back to the rooftop, you will make whatever call you need to, and then you will leave so that you may tell whoever you need to not to come here. Understand?”

I was in no position to object. Rather, the only oddness I found was that for a killer, she sure seemed generous. Ugh, but it sure was a blow to the ego to have to return home. Still...Ray and the others needed to hear about it, so I tried to take it in stride.

When Cybele found me on my back and a bloody mess, she fell into a panic. I had to be the calm one and reassure her that yes, I’d survive, and I’ve had worse injuries in the past. Despite such words, she continued to fret through the ride home and I walked her through how to treat such injuries as best as she could with what was available. Poor girl still had trouble calming herself down even when I told her that she did a fine job and that I would be fine.

Once I arrived home, it was about midday the next day and I was in good enough of a state to limp through the door and into the back.

If Cybele wasn’t bad enough, everyone else gave me frightful looks. Less so with Remora, but she looked like she didn’t know what kind of look to give.

I winced, but managed a smile as I sunk into a chair and leaned back. Ray, at his desk, got up.

“Honey, what happened?” He urged for my answer, a profound upset reverberated.

I just got carried away. That’s all.

“I saw...I saw…” I heaved and stuttered out the words, surprised by my own shock. At last, I told them, “I saw Rhea.”

“What? How is that possible?”

“Uh, didn’t she die? Also, we’re really doing this again, after the whole thing with the cave just the other day,” Demetria added in her own two cents. At least the place was lively.

“She had blueish hair and a matchstick in her mouth. Similar build. I…” Really, I didn’t understand what I saw any better than I could describe it.

“What shade?” Remora asked at last, and it was her input I was most interested in. “Also, did she shiver? What was her fighting style?”

So many questions…

“I couldn’t tell. It was dark. No shiver. And...she had a sword.”

Remora leaned her head back and her eyes widened. She turned her head just as I noticed her face tightened, then she muttered, “that wasn’t Rhea.”

“Who was it, then?” I asked her.

“I don’t know, but Rhea didn’t use swords. Anyway, just leave that person alone. They’re no one important and there’s nothing to worry about. Probably.”

“You know something, don’t you?” I pressed.

“I just know who it isn’t, and so it’s probably nothing. Just forget about it.”

Demetria’s face grew serious, a scowl formed. She turned to Ray.

“Do I have permission to get a plane ride there?” It wasn’t a beg, nor a plead, just a confirmation, as if she were already set.

“If you wish,” Ray replied, despite the concern he had displayed.

“Why? What is for you there?” Remora interrogated. “Money? Curiosity? Violence?”

“I just need to know,” Demetria replied before taking off. Remora didn’t try to stop her or press further, it was a surprise at all that she showed any sign of objection.

As Demetria took off, Ray faced Remora.

“What about being more open with us?” He echoed her earlier words. “If you know something, you should tell us.”

Remora lowed her head further and replied:

“I don’t know anything for certain and it sounds like nothing important. So we can move on from this.”

She then strode over to her room and I blinked.

“What about you?” Ray inquired.

“I’ll be fine. Just gimme a few days and I’ll go on another adventure.”

“Please rest longer if you need to,” he added.

“I’ll do my best,” I assured him.

As I continued to sit in that chair, my thoughts stewed on how unusual everything was. How unusual that person had been. How unusual Remora’s reaction was. How unusual Demetria’s reaction was as well. There were so many questions and no conclusion came to mind. Most of all, what I wanted to know was whether I still had it in me to do those dangerous adventures and come out on top or if time had begun to catch up with me.

[clownfuckin-around]

Good Fortune (Soulmate AU) Chapter 3: Paradigm Shift

The next day, there was another child reported missing. Thomas Hoffman, only child of Linda and David Hoffman, went to bed early Sunday evening only to have disappeared by morning. Angel reads about it in the Derry Herald, a grimace playing on her face as she sips at her coffee. It tasted more bitter than usual. Derry more or less proceeded with its business as it often did, morbidly choosing to disregard the string of aberrations rather than address them as usual. The police did their due as much as they could, or as much as they could be bothered to. The police, consisting of Derry's own citizens, weren't shining pinnacles of justice just because they wore a badge. They were just as low and shady and indifferent as the rest, the only difference was they carried guns and nightsticks. 

She’d mostly forgotten the unease of the night previous by this point. Angel had found that, much like any other nightmare, this one would fade from her mind little more than an hour after she rolled out of bed in the morning. The worst of it was mostly an afterthought now, the only thing lingering in the depths of her subconscious as she got ready for work being that ever-persistent niggling feeling of confusion over what she saw. As she walked her commute and began the early hours of her shift she found herself trying to justify it with the most likely scenario, that she and the kids had simply stumbled onto a scary movie of some kind, maybe a b-list title that wasn’t well known finding its way onto local access or something. But that voice she’d heard behind her… It was like a ghost of some kind. She wasn’t even particularly sure how much she believed in ghosts, or the supernatural in general, but it was hard to shake all the same. She shivers, adopting a smile when a patron comes up to hand their books to her for checkout. The whole thing was strange, and certainly disarming. She tried to forget it entirely as she went through the day, thinking that it must have certainly been a one time occurrence. She hoped, anyway.

 As the day reaches its halfway point, Angel sighs with a yawn and clocks out to take her lunch break. Walking out the green double doors to the library, she’s greeted by the gentle chill of the wind guiding her towards the courtyard across the way. She looks both ways at the roadway before her, discerning the safety of her path and then she continues on her way, meandering on light, carefree feet until she reaches the beacon of the town monument, a towering spire carved with names of the fallen from an old, great war. Though its purpose is a grim reminder of those that had been lost, she always looked on it with a sort of comfort. It was one of those things she’d always recalled seeing in the town as she’d grown up, a remarkable edifice that spoke of the town’s storied history. She liked to sit on its stone ridges at lunch break, idly tracing the etched epitaph with her finger while she read or wrote or doodled in her little notebook. Angel truthfully didn’t eat very much during those breaks, choosing instead to occupy what little free time she had with whatever productive activity came into her mind. It didn’t matter very much; she could eat later at home anyway, and she found that her drive for creativity thrived most in the fresh air, so she was inclined to take advantage of it.

 When she comes up to the stone monument she smoothes down her skirt and carefully takes a seat. Setting her lunch box down (an old, dented one, boasting the poster art for The Empire Strikes Back), she opens her notebook to the next empty page and taps the tip of her pencil against the paper in thought. She starts to sketch the tree on the path before her; an old, majestic pine stretching skyward into the blue, even more impressive in height than that of the memorial. Its branches are flush with rich viridescent quills, fanning out in tiers that sway in the gentle wind. She’s studious in her scrutiny, looking up every so often to scan the details of the branches, making quick, sharp swipes with her pencil that scritch against the paper to depict pine needles. Her eyes start to travel down the intricate veins and roots of the tree trunk until they fall upon the ground, and her gaze is met with an unusual sight. 

 There, laying against the base of the tree is a plucked bouquet of sunflowers, and she’s perplexed as to how she hadn’t noticed them until now. After regarding them for a moment, she finds herself on her feet again, and she gingerly walks the path up to the tree. As she draws closer, they start to look visibly more dead and wilted, almost as though they’d been lying there for days, even weeks. She cocks her head in confusion, observing the sickly green stems and the way the frail petals droop sadly against the grass. She finds herself hit with a pang of pity for them, and with gentle hands she scoops them up off the ground. She turns the bouquet in her fingers to study them. They feel so fragile, almost as though they might crumble into dust if she was too rough with them. She wonders if they had been left for someone. Surely, if they were, they wouldn’t have been there so long, right? Somebody would have taken them? She looks around, casting a quick glance on her surroundings. There’s nary a soul to be found other than the occasional passing streetcar, and all she can hear is the rustling of tree leaves around her. 

 Pausing, she gets up again, taking the sunflowers into her arms before walking back to her seat on the monument. She sits down with a heaving sigh and gives them another long, studious look of contemplation. Despite their lack of vitality, she finds them the slightest bit beautiful in their wilt and decay, and she admires how the shriveled petals droop like hair soaked in the rain. She seals them within the protection of her notebook, smoothing down the cover with a careful hand. The flowers, she decided, were enough of a pleasant discovery that she didn’t mind keeping them, and she’d feel bad leaving them behind anyway. Break was almost over; she supposed she should be going back inside now. She gets up, taking her lunchbox with her, and clocks back in to finish her shift. She doesn’t notice the eyes travelling over her form in longing, brilliant amber suns glinting with joy hidden within the emerald needles when they see her accept the gift that had been left for her, a token of love and a promise of protection. Its resonant purr harmonizes with the trees and trilling crickets, and for one blissful second, Derry is safe and content. 

 The rest of her shift was relatively ordinary. Her days at the library tended to follow a pretty cut and dry routine, and it was relatively easy to follow after about a month of religious adherence. She would start by taking the front desk for a couple hours of checkout duty and then take her lunch break. After that she’d sort through any books that had made their way into the return pile, put them back in their proper places, tidy up any messy bookshelves and then spend the majority of the rest of her shift assisting with checkout again. She would then cap off the day by taking a broom to the floors, dusting and wiping down all the bookshelves before clocking out for the evening. The latter half of the day tended to pass more slowly than the former, as her only occupation here was simply waiting for a patron to come up with their book selections, and pickings were slim in the way of frequenters to the establishment during these lazy afternoon hours. She would tell the occasional rowdy child to pipe down and pretend to look busy whenever the librarian manifested in the room, but beyond that she often struggled with ways to pass the time. She almost looked forward to cleanup at the end of the day, as pushing around a broom to sweep away errant dust on the floor was far more engrossing than sitting at a desk and checking out books for a bunch of belligerent and thankless schoolchildren. At the very least, she granted, it still beat working the Bassey Park fairgrounds. Anything was better than the Bassey Park fairgrounds though.

 Coming home after another day in the books, she kicks off her shoes and immediately adjourns to her bedroom with a sigh, setting her bag down on her bed so she can undress for the evening. She throws on a pair of pajama pants and an old band shirt (announcing the 1985 tour dates of Metallica’s Ride the Lightning), her eyes wandering idly over the eclectically decorated walls of her bedroom as she does so. She throws her clothes in the hamper by the door of her closet, stuffing them down in the overladen basket as much as she was able. She desperately needed to do laundry, but she’d been putting it off lately just as she’d been putting off everything else. Call it a symptom of her grief from Georgie’s recent disappearance. That’s what she told herself, anyway.

 She starts to make her way out of her room so she can head to the kitchen for dinner, but she stops at the threshold of the doorway when she hears something hit the floor behind her. She turns and finds her purse leaning over the edge of her mattress, and on the hardwood floor below, the notebook with the dead flowers peeking out of it. Bending to pick it up off the floor, she flips open to the page containing the wilted sunflowers and delicately extracts them from the paper. She needed something else, a heavier book to house them for proper pressing. She retrieves a sizable selection from her bookshelf, a novel of respectable length detailing the fallout of a global pandemic and its impact on the society of the remaining survivors, her favorite being a kind and considerate deaf-mute who was meant to be the leader of the stand against the enemy. It was a book inherited from her parents, and one she’d read in grade school much to the chagrin of observing teachers. It was one of the first in her collection, and a book she often revisited from time to time. 

 She opens the book, savoring the sound of the spine’s creak and the old, musty smell of the pages when she leafs through the first few chapters. Her pace starts to hasten just a little as she tries to find a suitable place for the flowers, though careful not to tear the fragile paper. She notices something poking out of one of the pages.

 “Oh shit, I completely forgot about this!” She takes it out and sets the book down.

 It’s a concert ticket she bought back in August. Bad Religion was touring for their third album and one of the dates happened to be in town so she pounced on the opportunity to see them live, putting in a mail order at the Rite-Aid near her house the second she got word. It was that Friday night at the Derry Riverside Terrace, and she’d paid for the ticket with what was left of her first check from the library. She must have forgotten it ever since… Well, ever since Georgie went missing. If she remembered correctly, the ticket came in the mail not a day or two after, just shortly after his disappearance. After a moment of sad reflection she places the ticket on her bedside table so as not to forget again and returns to what she was doing, handily selecting a passage out of the book to deposit the sunflowers to before she closes it with finality. She places the book back on her bookshelf and shuts off the light, stepping out and closing the door behind her. Looks like she was going to a concert on Friday.

 ~~~~

 The next day had started out predictably the same as the last. The work week was consistent and formulaic in its structure; that is, Angel woke up early every morning, sometimes entertaining visits from the rambunctious Losers. She’d get dressed and make her commute to work; she would put in the hours at the library from about eight in the morning to four in the afternoon, come home, eat dinner, and go to bed. Sometimes, if she was willing to neglect her sleep schedule in the name of leisure, she’d take an extra hour for TV time, sorting through the various channels for anything of interest while she lounged lazily on the couch and pawed through a bag of cheese doodles or something else equally lacking in nutritious substance. Today didn’t offer much to keep her attention so far, save for an incident early in the morning involving a loud, shrieking child disturbing the peace because his mother wouldn’t let him check out the same book about dinosaurs for the third time in a month. She’d diffused the situation rather easily, assuaging the boy’s hysteria by recommending another book of similar subject matter that not only included more pictures but presented them in popup form, which he accepted with glee characteristic of a five year old child. Everything else proceeded as normal.

 She takes to the wagon of returns after coming back from lunch break, ready to make her way through the pile of books at a leisurely pace so she can eat through the next two hours with ease, take her first fifteen, and meander through the monotony of the coming afternoon. She looked forward to the weekend, and more specifically that Friday evening, finding now that the incentive of a concert to attend made the prospect of a full work week seem much less daunting. Though it had just barely started, the promise of a chance to unwind after all that had happened was enough to keep her going, and she attended to her duties with care and diligence so as to properly earn her keep, knowing that a job well done made the satisfaction of relaxing much more rewarding in the end. She continues through the pile in her cart, walking along the rows and placing titles back in their designated places, regarding each book with halfhearted curiosity when she does so. 

 Her task takes her all over the library and back again, replacing books of all different kinds from novellas to history books to biographies and collections of poetry. With all of about five books left in her pile she’s just about done, and when she shelves the next book on the cart her eyes fall on a black binder below it marked “Local Census Records (c. 1750-1850)”. She raises an eyebrow. She didn’t know the library kept things like this, it seemed strange to say the least. Out of curiosity, she opens it up for a moment, leafing through the pages quickly so as not to be caught. Seemed fairly standard; it documented things such as the names, ages, and races of people in a given household as well as population data for the town of Derry in general. She closes it up again. Where would she even put something like this? She had an idea of where, but she wanted to make sure.

 She approaches the librarian cautiously, who is engrossed in work of her own at her desk. 

             “Yes, Ms. Graider?” She says, without looking up.

 “I--Oh.” She stumbles. She holds up the folder. “I just… Wasn’t sure where to put this back.”

 “Archives.” She says, squinting at some fine print in front of her. She nods wordlessly to her left side. 

 “Oh, uh… Okay. Thanks.”

 The librarian doesn’t dignify her with a response, so she clears her throat quietly and moves on. 

 The archives were a darkened, moody place on the far side of the library, a place she quite frankly feared to go. She’d been meaning to go back there just to see what lay beyond the corridor, as curiosity was inevitable in the presence of the unknown, but her constant occupation in attending to other duties kept her from indulging that curiosity in the time she had worked here so far. She didn’t particularly mind, but now she couldn’t exactly avoid going down there. She abandons her cart for the time being, and with binder in hand she makes her way toward the staircase. Trudging up the small flight of stairs into the adjoining room, she makes her way down from another set of steps around the corner, following them into a dimly lit space lined wall to wall with shelves. There are rows of bins on each shelf, all marked with numbered labels. She walks through them, squinting in the darkness at the tags and trying in vain to discern where exactly she might put the binder back. She really should have asked the librarian, but she completely spaced. She seemed really busy anyway, and Angel found it best not to bother her anymore than she needed to.

 She couldn’t make heads or tails of the labels, and as time went on she was beginning to get a little self conscious of how long she’d been down there. If only it wasn’t so dark… She finds herself wishing she’d brought a flashlight, but just as she’s about to admit defeat and make her way back to the librarian’s desk she hears something clatter against the floor a few feet away. Pausing, she cautiously rounds the corner to investigate, and her eye catches on something glinting on the polished hardwood. It's something that twinkles and begs for attention in the black, luring her toward its beckoning light, and she wonders what it could possibly be. She walks toward it carefully and slowly, and as she closes the distance its light dwindles like that of a mirage on sweltering pavement. She nestles the binder in the crook of one arm and bends down to pick up the wayward object. It's cool and smooth against her fingers and upon closer inspection she comes to realize that it’s a marble. Though she can’t make out much detail in the light of the room, she admires its golden color and the way it glows almost warmly in the palm of her hand, and when she looks up she realizes where she’s standing. In front of her, labeled very clearly, is a bin marked “Census Archives.” She didn’t know how on earth she managed to miss that. She sighs and opens the bin, slipping the binder back inside. She regards the marble in her other hand, and then after a moment of deliberation slips it into her pocket. A good luck charm perhaps. She heads back upstairs to finish the rest of the returns. Once she is gone, the papers in the archives rustle feverishly like a great gust of wind has swept through the room, and the sound is almost like that of an insect, chittering and chirupping with excitement.

 ~~~~

             The next day goes by relatively quickly, and before she knows it, the work week is more than halfway over. She drinks in the beautiful scenery on the walk home from the library on Wednesday, admiring how the cheerful blue in the sky peeks through a sea of vivid orange, the way all the trees dance to the rhythm of the wind’s gentle whispers. Crisp leaves crunch beneath the heels of her Doc Martens as she strolls down Kansas Street, crossing over to Witcham when the streets intersect and continuing on her way home. She passes Derry Elementary as she always does, casting a less than fond glance on the place she’d practically grown up in. Despite her best efforts, faint memories start to return as she regards the familiar brick building with a wistful stare. She remembers the name-calling and the merciless derision; she remembers her first day in kindergarten where a mean boy pissed all over her arts and crafts project and made her cry her eyes out. She remembers all the rumors and the whispers of her peers when she was older, who made up whatever ugly or unsavory gossip they dared and passed it off as the gospel truth without knowing the first thing about who she actually was. She remembers how she made it through pretending not to care, and how much it all still ate away at her self esteem regardless. The way it affected her and her overall wellbeing, manifesting in an onset of depression during her childhood that only worsened over the years. But then, just as quickly as the school fades from view over her shoulder, those memories thankfully start to ebb away again, retreating back into the recesses of her mind where they had come from in the first place. She blinks back a couple bitter tears in her eyes all the same, keeping her eyes rooted to the ground now as she counts each groove crossing underneath her feet on the sidewalk. It was fine, she was okay. She supposed today was just another one of those days where these kinds of thoughts hit harder than they usually did. She raises her chin to look to the sky again but instead finds herself hit in the face by a low hanging tree branch. She stops dead, cursing into the empty street.

 “Ow, shit!” She rubs her nose tenderly with a groan. Suddenly, all thoughts from before are completely gone. “Should really watch where you’re going, genius.” Opening her eyes again, they fall on the offending limb in front of her, an arm belonging to a great red maple tree. Several small branches stick out from the main appendage, and she notes something dangling off the one most adjacent to her line of sight.

 A ring, a silver one, tarnished and old with a chipped band hangs there, just waiting for gravity to take it plummeting to the concrete with another well-placed gust of wind, almost inviting her to pluck it right off the tree branch like a steel-forged fruit. She can’t deny that she’s most certainly tempted despite her bewilderment, and after a moment she relents, gently taking it down to examine it. There appears to be some kind of stone in the middle, an iridescent gem she can only assume is a fire opal of some kind, gleaming brilliantly against the reflected light of the sun. She looks around. Did this… Did this belong to someone? Would it be bad if she took it? She wouldn't even know where to take it if it did; Derry didn't exactly have a lost and found. For curiosity’s sake, she slips the band over her ring finger to discern the size and it slides effortlessly into place, resting daintily above her knuckle. A perfect fit. Something in her head tells her to take the ring, take it home, keep it, and despite her best efforts she cannot argue with such an instinct. She slides the ring off once more and drops it into her pocket before continuing on her way, ignoring any pangs of guilt seeking to worm their way into her conscience. 

 It really was strange. She kept thinking about it every time her fingers closed around the cool glass marble in her pocket, her thumb rolling over the spherical surface in thought while she laid on her couch at home the next day. She thought about it every time she let her eyes fall on the book sitting on the shelf by her nightstand or played with the ring on her finger, the one she’d taken from the maple branch the afternoon before. Ever since that incident on Sunday, she had started to get the vague sense that something had changed. Life was the same as it ever was, but she was getting the feeling that there was something amiss, almost like something might have attached itself to her, something might be following her around. It had all started with the sunflowers. Truth be told, she had at first thought nothing of it, of finding them. She had assumed they'd been left for someone else and were merely a spurned token of affection, left to rot beneath the branches of that old, great pine until they decomposed into nothing under the heat of the sun. But the next day when she'd found the marble, that feeling had begun to settle in a little more. It might have seemed like a kind of odd coincidence at first, but the discovery of the opal ring that Wednesday afternoon had made her feel like it was more of a pattern than anything else.

 So it left her to wonder; just what were the intentions of this thing, be it a person or something else entirely, whose attention she had captured? What were its intentions, and what might it do next? She seriously doubted that it was a person; the circumstances of the things she had found were just too peculiar, like she had simply kept stumbling into the right place at the right time. Despite her dubious grasp on the supernatural she always had the vague sense that Derry was affected by something beyond the ordinary, what with all the rumors and disappearances, and she believed that it was in play now more than ever. Based on what she had heard and what she had seen, she simply couldn't afford to rule out the possibility. Though she didn't quite understand the motives of this enigmatic force, she didn't particularly get the sense that it bore any ill will towards her. In fact, if these offerings were any indication, it could even be argued that it had a fondness for her, whatever it was, and might be looking out for her safety. Something that likely challenged whatever force of evil lurked within this town. A guardian angel of sorts. And with all the recent disappearances and general feeling of unease settling over everyone's heads, she could very much use a guardian angel right now. She found it confusing, but she didn't take it for granted. Good fortune in Derry was hard to come by.

[manggojooz]

Pick A Side (Part 3)

pairing: Taehyung x reader

word count: 1,700 or so

genre: university!au; angst; slice of life stuff

warnings: none; unless sh*t is considered swearing..

previous part: Part 1 | Part 2 

taglist:  @destiel1597

You silently observed Jihyun dragging Taehyung to the seats at one of the front rows.

When did it happen? Have they had feelings for each other for a while now? Then what were you to him all this time?  

The lake within, which you had tried to freeze over, was now swirling with undercurrents again, stronger than you will allow yourself to let on. You looked down at the table top where your notepad was resting on and tried to focus on just breathing. But some of your breaths get caught and you either forcefully pushed them out or swallowed them in again.  

“Sunbaenim~ woooo~ are you our teaching assistant for this class? Our TA??”, you heard the same squawky voice blast across the room again. Without lifting your head you glanced towards the entrance, eyes blurry.  

There is truth when people say trouble does not come alone, it likes to come in groups.  

The teaching assistant strutted with such confidence, her wavy long hair bouncing as though they had a life of their own. She was known to be smart, she was pretty, she was Hyesoo. Her eyes scanned the students in the class shrewdly, that was when her eyes momentarily met yours. The distant contact still managed to made you shudder, and she smirks a little.  

---

The lecturer was mumbling something about the evolution of Van Gogh’s styles, but Taehyung was obviously not paying attention. His eyes weren’t even blinking. But for the slight heaving of his chest indicating a sign of breathing, he could pass off as a well-chiseled statue.  

He knew that his relationship with Jihyun would hurt you, how could he not. But he shouldn’t be concerned about your feelings anymore. The level of concern warranted for an ex-girlfriend should be ranked below a stranger in his arbitrary hierachy. Yes, it should be. For sure. But are you alright? Please don’t let him see you cry.  

Taehyung turns to look at Hyesoo sitting in the corner front row seat, typing away on a small laptop. He shouldn’t be concerned at all. Yes, he shouldn’t. Not at all. But will you be ok? Hyesoo never really liked you since forever. He searches his memory for any recollection.  

---

During the arts faculty freshman camp, Taehyung and you were sorted into the same orientation group, and Hyesoo was one of the seniors in charge. It was common for seniors to break-in their juniors by bringing them out for drinks on the first night of the camp. Taehyung was never one fond of alcohol and he hated the taste of soju the most.  

“What kind of man can’t drink soju~, Taehyung-ah! Let's do a love shot!”, Hyesoo was slurring, but she was attractive even then.  

“Sunbaenim~ I really can’t drink alcohol. Sunbaenim shouldn’t drink so much too, it’s bad for your health, let’s use cider instead”, Taehyung flashes a little aegyo to get out of the situation.  

“Are you disregarding me? A hoobae shouldn’t reject a senior’s drink offer even if you don’t like it... or do you just not want to do the love shot with me?”, Hyesoo whined in an attempted-pitiable tone while holding out the soju glass.  

The stares around started to grow awkward, Taehyung still hesitated to take the glass. He was internally begging for someone to do something, but she was a senior, who was going to do anything and risk offending her?  

After a stifling pause, you stood up falteringly and took the glass out of Hyesoo’s hand, “Sunbaenim, I’ll take it instead”. You downed the shot in one go, then you gave her your best genuine smile trying to diffuse the tension, although it was obvious you were still trembling a little.  

The others at the table started cheering you for being Taehyung’s “white knight”, some of them cat-calling and some teasing that Taehyung should grant you a wish now. That was the first time Taehyung’s heart started to flutter for you. Hyesoo, on the other hand, must have felt like she was slighted, and she mumbled beneath her breath, “Who does she think she is...”

---

“That’s all for today. As an introductory assignment, there is currently an exhibition at the modern art museum that centres around modern art inspired by Van Gogh’s various styles. I would like all of you to find time to go and have a look and submit a one-page report on it. Deadline is next week, hand it in to Hyesoo by the end of the next class”, the professor instructed.  

Usually you would be eager to leave the classroom once the lecture was over, but you somehow disliked the idea of walking down the rows of seats and potentially passing by Taehyung, Jihyun or Hyesoo. You felt safer watching them leave first. So, you slouched on your seat a little, packing up your things in the slowest pace possible, trying hard not to be too obvious that you were stalling time.  

Your mind was so focused on what you were avoiding that you did not realise Haejoong still sat next to you, watching your sloth-like motion.  

“Y/N”, he suddenly called you, and your head snapped up to remember that he was still here. “It’s my first time in a pure arts module, I’m really not sure what to do or expect of this assignment. Is it too much if I asked you to help me with it?”, he enquired with the same warm tone.  

“Sure, let me know if you need help then”, you replied, although with a tint of hesitance.  

“As a start, can we go to the exhibition together then this weekend? Only if you are ok with it...” He was too polite to reject so you agreed.

---

The exhibition was not that fantastic actually. You spent some time explaining to Haejoong some of the technical art terms. The two of you eventually ended up in front of one slightly more intriguing painting.  

“Y/N!”, someone suddenly called out and her voice made all the muscles in your upper body tense up.  

You turned around to see Jihyun, unsurprisingly, with Taehyung next to her.  

“What a coincidence that we bump into each other here”, she exclaimed. Taehyung’s eyes fluttered between looking at you and the man next to you.  

You let out the small puff of air you were holding in. “It’s not that coincidental, it’s the assignment isn’t it?” You avoided them so well up to now, but this dreaded moment has finally occurred.  

Her face turned downcast from hearing your unfriendly response, “Y/N, we have been wanting to tell you this in person. We're sorry we didn’t get to do it and... I guess fate has a way, since we bumped into each other today, let’s have dinner together.”  

We. Us. You suddenly realised that these collective terms now only referred to the two of them. But when you were dating Taehyung, they more often than not, referred to three people. It’s not fair.  

You looked at Taehyung briefly, the first time you were standing in such proximity to him ever since you broke up with him. Yet, just meeting his eyes sent turmoil into the currents within you, so you quickly shifted your eyes towards the far end of the exhibition room. Calm down. They must already know you feel like shit. You don’t need to prove that they are right.

“Let’s not”, you uttered, forcing yourself to look back at Jihyun again.  

“Y/N, I know what you must be thinking of us but... we wanted to explain things to you, can we just buy you dinner once?”, she insisted.

“Explanations” – a reason or justification given for an action. For you, whatever the reason or justification may be, it will change nothing. They want to buy you dinner? Or do they just want to buy out their conscience?  

“I don’t want to”, you rejected again.  

“Why are you being so hostile when we are trying to make things right here. Taehyung, why aren’t you saying anything...”, she gripes, her usual demeanour overtaking her forced politeness earlier.  

You waited for a few seconds. Taehyung looked nervously between Jihyun and you. It took you nothing to recognise that he is struggling again.  

Jihyun starts to frown at his lack of response. “Tae -”, she was about to say something but was promptly cut-off.  

“She said she doesn’t want to. Why would you force someone to have dinner with you?”, Haejoong stepped in.  

All three of you looked at Haejoong in surprise. Jihyun, because she did not even notice that he was there, Taehyung, because there was an inexplicably sucky feeling brewing inside him, and you, because ...  

“Let’s go, I’ll buy you dinner instead, since you are helping me with the assignment”, Haejoong turns to beam at you before taking you gently by your wrist and guiding you to follow him. Your eyes never left his face after that moment, even as you stumbled behind him out of the exhibition hall. Once you were outside, he notices your staring.  

“Is everything ok? Did I do something wrong?”, he was only asking out of concern.  

“No, no. It’s just... just because...”, you stuttered without knowing what to actually reply.  

… because what he just did was all you ever wanted Taehyung to have done for you, even once.  

---

“Kim Taehyung, why didn’t you back me up?”, Jihyun demanded as the two of them watched Haejoong lead you away. She was just standing next to him, her voice must have been loud and clear, but in his head, she sounded far removed. The centre of his attention was occupied solely by the scene of that man taking you away and how you looked at nobody else but him.  

Haejoong did it so effortlessly, because he was not caught between his best friend and his girlfriend. The sucky feeling Taehyung is having now, it must be his envy that Haejoong has the easy way out. It has to be. He can’t be jealous of anything else.  

But the sounds in Taehyung’s head whispers a different story to him. Were you happy now? Because of that guy? Is he going to be by your side now? It’s not fair.

[kyufiber-moved]

hey hi helloo~ so,,,you kinda seem like you know lots of kdramas,,,,and i wanted to ask you,,,if you could recommend me some of your favorites? tbh anything would be fine kdjs it can be something where i can cry my heart and soul out or something really cute! that's totally up to you (but something where i can absolutely get emotionally invested in that it shatters my heart is what i probs need rn tbh 😩✊🏻)

this is my time to shine 🤓🤓🤓 i DEFINITELY CAN !!! esp for my favorite follower 😔💕 also this is gonna be pretty long bc i gave a lot of info for each drama so i’ll put a read more~!

_ MY PERSONAL FAVS _

go ho’s starry night- a chinese-korean collaboration drama starring snsd's yuri, kim youngkwang (the secret life of my secretary), and lee jihoon (legend of the blue sea) - go ho (yuri) is a dedicated worker who deals with her grumpy boss and quirky coworkers. she requests to be transferred to a different team, where she discovers her new boss is her ex-boyfriend, and then basically there forms a harem of 5 of her coworkers who all like her- super fluffy!! episodes are only about 15 minutes long each, and although there is angst, there's a lot more comedy and fluff. the relationship between the two main leads is adorable and had me squealing way more than once

put your head on my shoulder- a chinese drama starring fair xing (master devil do not kiss me) and lin yi- si tu mo is a bubbly girl who moves into a house only to find out that the owner's nephew (?), gu wei yi,  is already living there, and the two end up living together. si tu mo is sweet and outgoing, while gu wei yi is quiet and intellectual- SO cute. although the plot seems cliche, the focus is not really on them living together, that's just what brings them together originally, and the main lead isn't the stereotypical "cold and super smart asshole" type, he's actually very sweet. there are a lot of episodes but i would definitely recommend watching this!

like- a korean webdrama that you can find on youtube starring kim yu an, kim kangmin (maybe, maybe not), yoo jungwoo (love after school), and seo ji hye- about a group of students who create a film club to make youtube videos and the dumb shit they get into, plus there's some romance, betrayal, and fuckboys. - so so so so cute honestly. the dynamic between the characters of the club is so cute and funny, plus the love triangle has me wheezing. also the asshole fuckboy gets what he deserves which is super satisfying. it hasn't finished airing yet, but so far it's really cute

failing in love- korean webdrama  you can find on youtube starring son sang yeon (triple fling), yang hye ji, and shin yoon seop- about a group of high schoolers who deal with falling in love, crushes, rejection, etc.- ok so the summary i gave was pretty vague but that's because any more and i'd be exposing the whole plot. there is humor and fluff but also teenage angst, and the characters are all more complex than they first appear. i would highly recommend this show !!!

i have 3 boyfriends- short webdrama you can find on youtube starring kim ji eun, park sungwoo (produce 101 season 2 [that 30 year old dude who danced to rain's song OMG], moon jihoo, and lee jungsik - when la hi gets in a car accident and wakes up with amnesia she finds that she has 3 men all claiming to be her boyfriend.- OK LISTEN . this show is so funny and cute. let me just say: you MUST watch to the end. that's all i'll say. pLS WATCH

last minute romance- two episode drama special starring han seung yeon (age of youth) and lee seo won (the liar and his lover)- when baek se finds out she has terminal cancer and only has a short time to live, she desperately wants to complete her one bucket list item: date her favorite actor. it's then that she meets an aspiring actor who looks exactly like her favorite actor- so cute and very short, so you won't spend ages trying to finish. it is very fluffy, cute, and funny, but has an underlying tone of sadness because the main female lead has cancer and will eventually die. also her best friend is a monk??? the ending is bittersweet but very fitting

want more 19- a short webdrama you can find on youtube starring jung ha joon, sin gi hwan,  jeon yoo rim, nam yoon soo, and lee jungha- a story of 5 friends in high school. A mutual crush, a one-sided love, and a rough patch for sweethearts, all taking place right around the end their senior year- OH GOD i can't breathe this drama is so cute. it had me squealing every single episode, and it's very lighthearted with hardly any angst 

splash splash love- a two episode drama starring kim seulgi (queen of the ring) and highlight's doojoon (radio romance)- right before her ksat, danbi is transported to the past during a freak rain shower and is mistaken for a eunich (which, in korean, is the same word for high school senior) . due to her knowledge of future math, the king enlists her to teach him mathematics and they fall in love- a lowkey parody/remake of the kdrama love in the moonlight but if you added time travel into the mix and took out nearly all the angst. SO cute and funny, and has a happy but open type ending

something about 1 percent (2016)- korean drama starring jeon so min and ha seokjin (drinking solo)- lee jae in is an arrogant company heir, whose wealthy grandfather who decides to grant all his wealth to a kindly elementary school teacher. to only way for anyone else to get the money is for someone to marry her, but they devise a contract that changes it to date for 10 months. although they hate each other at first, they eventually fall in love- this drama is super cute and the kisses are AMAZING. there are crazy exes and all that but the couple's dynamic is super cute and they quickly warm up to each other

triple fling (s1)- a short choose-your-own-ending  korean webdrama on youtube starring jung bomin, son sangyeon (failing in love), themanblk's jeongyou, and themanblk's eom sewoong- lee sehee accidentally becomes friends with the three most popular boys in school and ends up in a love square with them- alright im whipped for stuff like this so naturally i loved it. i also really liked how viewers could choose their own ending as for which boy she chose. there is a second season that i haven't seen yet that focuses on another girl in ANOTHER love square (containing one of the guys from sehee's love square) in which it shows which boy she actually did choose (and it was my favorite so . yay!)

weightlifting fairy kim bok joo- a korean drama starring lee sungkyung (cheese in the trap) and nam joohyuk (who are you: school 2015)- a drama about a female weightlifter who falls in love. persuing the relationship would jeopardize her weightlifting, and focusing on weightlifting would jeopardize her relationship with her crush.  she and her group of friends deal with one-sided crushes, athletic pressure, and self-love.- i watched this drama in full in only two days, and loved it. seriously, it's funny, cute, sad, and just a generally AWESOME drama. plus it takes a lot of cliches and makes fun of them or turns them on their head

when you love yourself (s1)- a short webdrama you can find on youtube starring jung mingyu (sweet revenge 2) and saet byeol . - about a girl who is heavier than her classmates who struggles with self-love and self-acceptance, and along the way finds love- god. i can't even explain how much i loved this drama. the message is wonderful and there's no moment where she glows up and loses weight and then gets the guy's attention or anything: he simply loves her as who she is, no matter what weight she is, and is supportive. there's also an episode that focuses on the queen bee girl who also struggles with weight and self-love and it's just beautiful 

after school: lucky or not (s1)- short drama starring 5urprise: kang tae oh (my first first love), seo kang joon (are you human too), gong myung (drinking solo), lee taehwan (w: two worlds), and yoo il, as well as kim so eun (our gab soon)- when so eun gets an invite to the choose-your-mission club, she meets 5 chaotic guys that she becomes friends with, but there's something they aren't telling her.- yes, there is a lil romance and a love triangle HOHO. ok but seriously this drama is the most crackheadery i've ever seen like. genuinely i was just wheezing so hard every episode because of the dumb sh*t the guys were doing and so eun's reaction. this drama seems dumb and funny at first, but there are emotional moments as well as some angst relating to the love triangle and the origin of the club. please do watch this show !!! (don't recommend season 2, though)

accidentally in love - a chinese drama starring amy sun (the eternal love), fiction guo, and ma li- chen qingqing, who is raised by her grandfather) is arranged to be married, but wants to find love on her own terms. on the day of the wedding, she runs away to the university her parents attended to find out more about their death. to hide from her grandfather, she changes her appearance drastically and enters university. her new deskmate turns out to be singer si tu feng, whom she has already run into and has gotten off on the wrong foot with- so this drama was longer than the ones i usually watch but it was worth it. it was cute and they didn't drag out the couple not getting together for ages like some dramas tend to do. the romance was super cute and the female lead's undeterred determination to march to her own drummer was amusing. the only thing i didn't like is that they didnt give the side couple enough screentime bc they were super cute too

my woofy poofy love / my dog-like dating- a short korean webdrama you can find on youtube starring chae ji an and kim do hoon (your imagination becomes reality)- a girl who has recently been cruelly dumped by her boyfriend brings a stray dog back to her home and wakes up to find that instead of a dog, there is a man! she happens to be looking for a roommate, and so this man (who can turn into a dog) becomes her new housemate- literally adorable. female lead is stunning and the relationship is so cute and fluffy and innocent, but the kiss is steamy as hell. 

unrequited love (2019)- a chinese drama starring zhu yan man zi and zhao shun ran- a story of a girl who has secretly loved the same boy for 10 years, but he doesn't know she exists, until one day when they meet in college. so begins their love story, but things become more complicated because of other people- ok so like . damn i love this couple. this drama is really cute but has its fair share of angst, so don't expect an easy ride the whole way through. very cute though !!_ MORE DRAMA RECS _

a love so beautiful- a chinese drama starring shen yue (meteor garden) and hu yi tuan- chen xiaoxi has liked her neighbor jiangchen onesidedly for years, and continues to like him despite his seeming disinterest. but her determination and bubbly personality, as well as a romantic threat starts to cause him to fall for her- aight so . i feel like this drama was dragged out a little bit longer than necessary and then the ending was slightly rushed but!! it WAS a great and super cute drama

ok to be sensitive (s1)- a webdrama you can find on youtube starring kim da ye and kim youngdae (extraordinary you) and others im too lazy to put- focuses on feminist issues like sexism and sexual harassment in a college setting, which each episode focusing on one particular incident and the characters dealing with it- listen so like . this show had me emotional at some points bc of how amazing the message was. it dealt with sexual harassment, sexism, how females are expected to act, stalking, pressure to have sex... etc and basically every episode was like . you can stand up for yourself. you don’t have to “take it” just bc you’re a female, etc. also there was really cute romance uwu

ok to be sensitive (s2)- season 2 of otbs, also can be found on youtube, starring yoo hye in and lee shin young, as well as others but again im too lazy to list them all- same thing as season 1, but a different cast of main characters, and set in an office workplace. (original cast makes a cameo at the end)- the issues in season 2 were definitely a bit darker because it was set in a work place, where the main characters were worried about getting fired if they stood up for themselves, but the way things were handled was really admirable imo. also the male lead in this one is ABSOLUTELY adorable

go back diary- a 4 episode webdrama you can find on youtube starring kim ye ji and lee jong won (jaemin’s webdrama how to hate you)- about a boy who sees a girl at a karaoke bar (?) and instantly develops a crush on her. she then transfers to his school, and it tells the story of their love story after 10 years.- i’ll just say it right now. the whole drama was adorable except for the ending, which fucking sucked. literally was horrible. boycott episode 4 pls i was SO UPSET. otherwise, great webdrama

before we get married- taiwanese drama starring puff guo (just you; we got married w/ suju’s heechul) and jasper liu- tells the story of two people who already have partners and are planning to marry them, only to meet each other and fall in love- bro this show had so much angst i couldn’t even breathe lmfao. but the romantic scenes between the two leads were S T E A M Y let me TELL you. 

love after school (s1)- korean webdrama that can be found on youtube starring park so eun and yoo jungwoo (like)- about a couple who fell in love in high school and their story, told from 5 years later when they meet again- i love love love this bitch. LOVE. season 2 ... we won’t speak of her lol. but season 1 is super cute and the ???? kiss at the end(ish)??? DEAD. literally anything with yoo jungwoo will destroy me but omg. it was fantastic

lucky romance- a korean drama starring hwang jung eum (she was pretty) and ryu joon yeol (reply 1988) - about a woman who believes wholeheartedly in superstitions meeting a man who believes only in science and mathematics, and their very chaotic love story- this show was so funny tbh. the main couple’s dynamic was HILARIOUS and even though they were literally complete opposites they worked so well together. warning: towards the end there’s that whole ‘i have to be noble and let you go bc its for the best’ bullshit but!!! there is a happy ending 

maybe, maybe not- a webdrama starring kim kangmin (like) and gong yoorim- a girl who can read minds and is an outside bc she knows what everyone is really thinking meets a guy that she can’t read the mind of- so fluffy. so cute. oh god. pls watch it’s so soft and cute 

my first first love- a korean drama starring jisoo (strong woman dbs), dia’s chaeyeon (drinking solo), and b1a4′s jinyoung (love in the moonlight)- about a group of friends who all, due to various circumstances, move into their friend tae oh’s house, and find love along the way.- idk why netflix did that dumbass thing where they did mffl 1 and mffl 2 but they’re the same show, just eps 1-8 then 8-16. anyways !! very cute show!! jisoo is fine as hell. taeoh and the rich girl are cute together. i found the ending abrupt and unsatisfying, but overall a good show

thumping spike (s1)- a korean drama starring hwang seung eon (part-time idol) and song jae rim (our gab soon) - about a volleyball team and their coach who are aiming for success, and a female professional volleyball player who becomes their athletic mentor- i know it doesnt sound super romantic but trust me. there is lots of romance, and even a love triangle hehe

u-prince: the single lawyer- a thai drama apart of the u-prince series starring august vachiravit paisarnkulwong and apple lapisara intarasu- firstclass is a straight a student who is strict about punctuality and properness, while minute is a spoiled rich girl who loses all her luxuries when her family files for bankruptcy. she begins “going out” with her gay best friend, aka firstclass’ brother, for money and ends up living in their house, but she and firstclass hate each other- listen all the u prince dramas are cringy and low quality but does it look like a give a shit . NO BC I KEEP WATCHING THEM . they’re cute ok . anyways this was my favorite one so this is the one im recommending yeehaw

unexpected heroes- a short korean drama sponsored by the CDC organ transplant management center, starring btob’s minhyuk, ioi’s sohye, and choi jonghoon- about three high school students who discover that, after their respective organ transplants, they have supernatural powers- though there’s not much focus on romance in this drama, it’s still funny and cute. plus minhyuk is in it and what more can you ask for ?? lol. anyways the trio uses their powers to help solve crimes n stuff it’s gr8 and ive been waiting for a season 2 for 98429834 years

what to do with you- a korean webdrama - that is actually literally an ad for a facemask - starring lee hayoung and kim youngdae (extraordinary you)- saerom and geun are friends, but it feels like they’re something more. will they ever take the next step?- yeah this webdrama is super cute and that’s really all lol. also the bitchy girl in love after school is the best friend in this one oho

your imagination becomes reality- a webdrama that can be found on youtube starring oh se young, kim dohoon (my woofy poofy love), and jin ho eun- soram has a crush on a mysterious upperclassman, and wishes to see him again: she does, soon after. each time she makes a wish, it seems to magically come true. - yeah so like . it’s not a supernatural thing or anything, it’s just a cute college romance that’s basically every girl with a crush’s dream lol~! 

[cyanogastra]

drowning in the depths of you (don’t save me)

For a mermaid like Mo Guan Shan, life was tough as he strives to avoid attention from insidious traffickers. Suddenly he finds himself courted by He Tian, a dashing and mysterious man from an incredible background--who may or may not be keeping an alarming secret.

(A modern fantasy AU wherein humans and magical creatures co-exist. Guan Shan struggles to grasp the magnitude of what he's been submerged into -- of attempted kidnappings and underground rings, and of powerful families overseeing organized crime.)

Chapter 1: Of Mermaids and Suitors

Read on AO3

A shrill melody disrupts the silence in Guan Shan’s bedroom. His hand quickly shoots out from under the covers, fumbling around blindly before finally finding the source. With practiced ease, he shuts off the alarm. He lets out an annoyed grunt before pulling himself out of bed.

On his phone, the time reads 6:00 AM. The sun’s rays had just started to rise up, painting the city with bright yellow. He stretches, lets out a huge yawn, then crosses the short distance to his door.

He goes straight to the water dispenser and drinks four glasses without stopping. The dryness in his throat barely subsides. He eats a quick breakfast composed of canned tuna and toast bread. Before entering the bath, he makes sure to pass by his mother’s bedroom to check if she was still asleep.

He opens the shower, uncaring of the cold. The slits at his sides begin to itch uncomfortably under the spray of water. The urge to scratch at his sealed gills becomes stronger every passing minute. He showers briskly, trying to ignore his body’s growing need to swim.

He dresses up, careful not to make loud sounds as he collects the things he needed. He goes to his mother’s room and leaves a kiss on her forehead. He runs a hand through her hair, red just like his, and breathes out a sigh before walking out the door.

 ---

A few decades have passed since the line between fantasy and reality had been removed. Magical creatures, once imagined to be things of imagination, now coexist with humans. What was once told in books or sung in epics now walk among mortal men under broad daylight.

Before this line faded, however, there already was human civilization. Centuries upon centuries of political and cultural evolutions have given man immense knowledge. And what he knew, he turned into power; where man treaded, transformation took place. When he had walked in plains they had turned into fields. When he had walked in forests, they had turned into cities.

 And man, inevitably, walked on all of Earth.

 One by one the mountains and the skies fell. And along with them came the secrets of magical creatures who have once secluded themselves from human eyes. Like dust, the legends fell away, taking with them all of wonder, all of awe, and all of the beauty of fantastical imaginations.

While creatures and humans now coexist together, society still couldn’t quite settle itself. The emigration of magical creatures into the cities became the center of many conflicts. For one, the Constitutions of the different countries had to be rewritten to fit a new development; it can no longer be the laws of men, but the laws of beings.

The revisions of law, of knowledge, of everything mundane proved to be extremely daunting. As it stands, humans and creatures do not yet share equal footing. Magical creatures were subsequently placed under heavy monitoring as their powers and abilities are believed to be dangerous. Any creature caught using their magical abilities was subject to immediate arrest. On most cases, creatures are almost immediately imprisoned without trial.

This particular law is rightfully subjected to heavy criticism. Calls for revision have been inexhaustibly fought for by activists; for example, under the current law of most countries, juvenile magical creatures are not exempt from imprisonment.

The youngest creature to ever be imprisoned was a four-year old fae who petrified a human man. The man, as shown by leaked CCTV footage, was found to have attempted kidnapping.  

Another point of discussion would be the obvious ambiguity of the terms requiring immediate arrest, as the law does not take into account self-defense (as exemplified by the controversial case of the fae child) or other acts aside from crime. Lastly, the refusal of the state to grant creatures the right to defend one’s self in the court is seen to be a failure of respecting a fundamental right.

Simply put, humanity still finds difficulty in accepting the entry of magical creatures. Discriminatory practices inevitably took to effect; in fact, both state and private institutions such as schools and hospitals have notoriously taken to refusing to provide services to magical creatures.

The status quo remained the same, with elite ruling humans taking monopoly of power and control. The elite, still possessing of the bulk of the world’s wealth, have taken to acquiring magical creatures through the black-market trade. To escape this creature trafficking, humanoid creatures such as elves, naiads, pixies, and mermaids attempt their best to disguise themselves as humans.

 Mermaids, in particular, are the most prized. 

   ---

The sun rises on the horizon, the atmosphere turning electric as the city wakes up. The crowd of people grows quickly as they hurry to take the public transportation. The trains fill up while cars and buses pile up on the road.

The pedestrian light turns green. Guan Shan walks quickly and doesn’t look back on the people he bumps shoulders with. He ignores the many curious glances towards his way, some more discreet while the others stare unashamed. He stops himself from glaring back.

For a long time he has tried, but he could never really get used to the attention. He reminds himself that that their glances can’t be helped, with his hair and amber eyes sticking out in the crowd. Perhaps, his appearance was just as jarring to them as their heavy attention on him.

He pulls his hoodie up over his head. Humanoid creatures like him may try to pretend their hardest to be completely human, and yet they get suspected on anyway.

He reaches his workplace within a couple of minutes. Currently, he's working as a server in a small restaurant located in Sham Shui Po, Kowloon.  It was here in the worn-down parts of Hong Kong where regulation on magical creatures was weak. In high-end areas, such as Tsim Sha Tsui and Causeway Bay, it was incredibly rare for a magical creature to secure a job, let alone a home. Here, amongst the flickering signs of cheap restaurants along noisy streets leading to marketplaces, Guan Shan works at ease. He's glad for the fact that the employers in this part of the country do not have the time, nor the means to make a thorough background check on the people they hire.

Guan Shan enters through the back door and immediately changes into his standard server uniform. His boss arrives, and together they start preparing for the day.

The hours pass by, and he gets through the day steadily. Guan Shan works methodically, without real focus or effort, serving plates, handing out bills, and clearing tables.

During the moments in between, he finds himself unable to stop thinking about his mother. He wishes he could take her out for a swim, but she has gotten too frail both in mind and body. Most of the time she seemed alright, cooking dinner and eating with Guan Shan, asking him if he was doing fine. But then there were times when she would stare off outside the window, facing the ocean, whispering his father’s name in between moments of silence.

He can feel the weariness on his back as the day comes to an end. He brings a tray over to a customer’s table and begins to clear out the tableware. Only then does he notice the curl on the mouth of the middle-aged man seated at the table, watching him stack plates one after the other.

He knows that expression very well. It was none other than the outwardly displayed disgust of a human to any magical creature, or to anyone who seemed like one.

“So they hired you, just like that? The man blurts out, startling Guan Shan for a brief second. He clenches his jaw before moving with forced calmness.

“Or maybe you used one of your kind’s vile tricks. Despicable.” The man haphazardly drops the bill holder on the table before standing up and storming out of the restaurant door, his cane making clacking noises. Guan Shan lets out a shaky exhale before wiping the table with a rag.

‘Not today. Not anymore.’ He says to himself as a mantra, keeping in mind all the jobs he lost because he failed to hold his temper. His past self would have slammed his hand on the table and told the man to shut his mouth. That version of him would have hated how he chooses to stay silent now.

He can’t afford to lose one job again. Not with the bills and the medicines that his sickly mother often needed.

That doesn't stop him from telling the man to 'piss off and go to hell, old fart' under his breath.

He was about to walk back into the kitchen when the door of the restaurant opened once again, the chimes swaying with the ring.

“Welco--”

He stops abruptly, eyes widening as he recognizes the newly arrived man at the door. Black hair, gray eyes, a sly smirk. A face that he has become acquainted with, ever since the man showed up two months ago for the first time.

He Tian tilts his head at him from where he was standing, hands in his pockets. Guan Shan scowls and storms back into the kitchen.

  Guan Shan leans on the counter as he waits for the food to be finished. Xui Hong, his boss who also served as the cook, looks at him from the corner of his eye. He was an eccentric middle-aged man with long black hair who had hired him without a second glance. Kind, thoughtful, if only a bit too chatty for Guan Shan’s liking.

“My, Guan Shan, your suitor is here again.” Xui Hong says to him with a wide smile as he removes the egg rolls from the fryer. Guan Shan scoffs and shakes his head.

“He’s not my suitor.” Guan Shan replies automatically. Xui Hong’s smile doesn’t break as turns off the stove. He hands the plate over to Guan Shan who places it on the tray.

“Silly boy. Can’t you see how he looks at you? Coming here at least twice a week for the past month.” Xui Hong removes his gloves and washes his hands at the sink. 

“So? Has he brought you to his house? Met his parents?” The older man continues as he looks over to Guan Shan, wiggling his eyebrows. Guan Shan replies by rolling his eyes.

He was about to heft the tray up from the counter when he notices an extra dish. “Wait. He didn’t order spare ribs.” Guan Shan points out, to which the older man just waves away.

“It’s for you. Now go, he’s waiting.”

Guan Shan stares at him, dumbfounded. He blurts out an awkward thanks, before walking out of the kitchen.

  The sign has been flipped to “CLOSED” at the front door. For some reason, He Tian always catches them just before they get ready to put things back in place.

He brings the food down from the tray. He removes his apron and tosses it on a nearby chair before sitting down, not looking at the other man. Across him, He Tian watches with rapt attention. Guan Shan could feel He Tian’s piercing gaze on him as he begins to eat his food. Ignoring the growing tightness in his stomach, he faces He Tian’s stare head-on.

“What?” He says, annoyed. 

“Not even going to ask me how I’ve been? You wound me, Red.” He Tian replies with a teasing smile. Guan Shan looks at him exasperatedly before breaking his gaze away.

‘Again with that nickname.’ He thinks with slight annoyance.

“Why do you keep coming here?” He says while looking down his food. He Tian hums at the back of his throat. 

“Can’t a man appreciate how a restaurant cooks their food?” He Tian answers him with a lilt in his tone. Guan Shan shakes his head, disbelieving.

“Don’t take me for a dumbass, He Tian.”

The other man stays silent for a while. Guan Shan looks up, one eyebrow raised, only to find He Tian smiling softly as he ate his food.

“What do you want me to say? That I come here because a certain redhead has caught my eye?” He Tian says with a shrug. It takes a moment for him to register what the other man said. Guan Shan’s cheeks immediately heat up. He lets out an annoyed huff.

‘What the hell is up with this guy?’ He thinks to himself. Even though the message was clear as day, his mind still refuses to wrap around it. He can’t take He Tian’s words seriously, not with his designer suit and the Blancpain on his wrist. How could someone like that find a poor man-- a poor creature like Guan Shan worthy of his time?

They eat in silence, with the occasional noises from cars and passersby outside. He hears the door to the back close, signifying that his boss had just left the restaurant.

‘Xui Hong too…damn it.’ For some reason, his boss was especially supportive of He Tian coming by the restaurant. It confuses him, he doubts that Xui Hong did not at least suspect him to be inhuman.

“Guan Shan.” He Tian calls at him from the opposite side of the table. He looks up with a questioning expression.

“The customer from earlier. Did he say something to you?”

Guan Shan stills, not having expected the question. “The man with the cane?” He replies, as if he didn’t already know what He Tian meant.

“Yes.” Came the other man’s curt answer. Guan Shan shrugs.

“It was nothing.” Guan Shan tries to dismiss the question. He doesn’t want to explain to He Tian how the other man accused him of being inhuman. Otherwise it would invite other questions he doesn’t know how to answer.

He quickly finishes up the last bite of his food before standing up. He's about to collect an empty plate when he’s stopped by He Tian’s reaching out to grasp his wrist.

Guan Shan inhales sharply. His other hand rests on He Tian’s, trying to pry it off without real force.  The other man doesn’t let go, and instead pulls him closer, prompting Guan Shan to move around the table.

He Tian’s grip moves from his wrist to his hand. “Please don’t lie, Guan Shan.” He Tian says seriously, so unlike from his teasing tone earlier. He rests his chin on the back of Guan Shan’s hand and looks up to his face. He fixes him an imploring stare.

He Tian watches transfixed as Guan Shan swallows, throat bobbing up and down.

“Just said some shit about hiring people like me. It’s not a big deal.” Guan Shan makes a move to pull away once more, but He Tian holds on.

“And what did he mean by that? I wouldn’t mind hiring people like you.”. He Tian’s replies easily, flashing him a wink. Guan Shan shoots him a glare.

‘No you wouldn't.’ He thinks to himself bitterly. ‘If you knew.’

“Something about bad service. It’s nothing, I didn’t really care.” Guan Shan replies and pulls his hand away, using his other hand to nudge He Tian’s cheek. “Stop messing with me.”

He Tian's lips morph into a slow smile and Guan Shan fights with himself not to break his gaze. He watches as the other man stands in front of him, one hand reaching into his suit jacket. 

Guan Shan’s eyes widen. On He Tian’s palm was a small black velvet box.

“I hope you like it.” The other man says. Guan Shan raises his head from where he’s been gaping at the object, looking at He Tian with both his eyebrows furrowed. He Tian raises his eyebrow and moves his outstretched palm closer.

Slowly, Guan Shan takes the box. He opens it to reveal a pair of earrings. He shakes his head. This was the third gift the other man has given him, the first one a red scarf from Versace, the second one a yellow leather jacket from Diesel. His mouth goes dry. He doesn’t think he’s ready to know which luxury brand He Tian bought the earrings from.

He doesn’t know what to do other than a nervous rub at the back of his neck. He has tried refusing He Tian’s gifts before, but the other man wouldn’t take them back. He takes out one of the earrings and studies it, a simple black metal band with a matte texture. He notes how it was considerably heavier than the one he was currently wearing.

He feels the shift in the air before he realizes that He Tian has leaned down, lips next to his ear. Guan Shan jolts, startled, then stands frozen.

“Wear them for me next time I come by, okay?” He Tian says, voice low and expectant. Guan Shan breathes shakily then nods, the hairs at the back of his neck rising.

“W-whatever.” He replies dumbly, unable to find words.

  Guan Shan lied.

He Tian ponders as he lights a cigarette, waiting for Guan Shan to finish packing up. He sucks in slowly, feeling the menthol run through the back of his skull before exhaling. He recalls the one-sided conversation he heard as he stood in front of the restaurant door.

‘Or maybe you used one of your kind’s vile tricks.’ He Tian remembers the man’s words. The implication didn’t need to be clarified. The man accused Guan Shan to be a creature, at least, on the grounds of something as inconclusive as physical appearance. He supposes it was easy to entertain that kind of thought, Guan Shan didn’t look like a standard Hong Kong born human. And by the looks of it, none of his hair or eyes were synthetic.

He knows because, well, he has been studying the other man closely.

The door opens on his left. He looks over, eyes zeroing on the red scarf loosely tied around Guan Shan’s neck.

If his grin ended up being too wide, Guan Shan chose not to point it out. Instead the other man looks away, directing his attention on locking the door. 

‘Beautiful Red.’ He Tian thinks to himself. He looks back on the first time he had laid his eyes on the other man. At first he had been curious, observing him as he worked, how he was borderline impolite even when interacting with customers. And then he found himself coming back and asking for his name, telling him outright that he was stunningly beautiful. 

He can't forget how shocked and perplexed Guan Shan was at that time.  "The fuck do you mean?'" Guan Shan had responded incredulously. He Tian thought it was cute.

He doesn't exactly remember when his curiosity became replaced by want. A want to get closer, to get his trust, to bring him to places. Maybe the customer from earlier had been half right, maybe Guan Shan put a spell on him.

“Not like I don’t already know your answer, but I really want to drive you home.” He offers, to which the other man just scoffs. He points his thumb at the black Mercedes Benz parked just a few feet away.

“No, He Tian. I can go home by myself.”, Guan Shan replies firmly. He Tian shrugs at the reply, already having expected the rejection.

“See you then next week.” He says, to which Guan Shan just nods. He reaches his hand over to the other man’s head and ruffles his hair. Guan Shan yelps angrily then pushes his arm away. He leaves without a word, footsteps quick, snarling with heated cheeks. He Tian chuckles.

He watches Guan Shan’s as his back gets smaller and smaller with the distance. He smokes the last bit of his cigarette and throws it at the nearby bin.

From the alley across the restaurant, He Tian catches the shadow of the hooded figure he’s been observing at the corner of his eye. He waits until the stranger leaves before returning to his car.

Jaw clenched, he drives away, Hong Kong's night lights shining over him. The nicotine washes over his body along with growing unease.

A/N:

This work was been inspired by 'This City Will Kill You' by hillaryfaye, 'Children of the Storm' by baeconandeggs and Ink-and-stars(AriasofSnow), and 'Into the Grey' by Kratos_Aurion(Velvet_Crowe). Bomb af works, so much respect.

I’ve been to Hong Kong once…when I was 10 years old lol. I remember shit were expensive af, and it’s very unlike SG or Japan if you guys have been there. Quite chaotic, in its own beautiful way, tall buildings if you look up, bumbling streets and markets when you look down.

If I end up being inaccurate (I’m aware that Google can only do so much lmao), I apologize in advance especially to HK natives. Granted, the setting in the story is not meant to imitate real life. Please do inform me of the mistakes though, I'll do my best to work on them.

Chapter 2 

[emeraldwaves]

Title: What We Lack Part 13 Pairing:  Kacchako, Deku/Melissa, Todomomo Rating: T Word Count: 4,158 Read on Ao3 Summary:  

Quirkless.

They’re the last people anyone expects to have a child without a quirk.

Neither of them can fully wrap their heads around it, but Ochako knows Katsuki is struggling far more than her.

Thank you to @its-love-u-asshole for beta-ing

"Come on, Yuuta, attack me!" Shouhei called out, bouncing back and forth on his feet. He hadn't even activated his quirk yet, and already he was ready for a fight.

"Sh-Shou!" Yuuta cried back, shaking his head. "I think it's a bad idea for us to fight." He couldn't attack his boyfriend, if he was even calling him his boyfriend. Yuuta still hadn't worked up the nerve to clarify.

"We're not fighting, Yuu," Shouhei snorted, folding his arms across his chest. "We're fucking training! There's a difference, and this will be fun!"

Yuuta swallowed, unsure of how any of this could be classified as fun.

"But Shou... what if I... what if I hurt you?" he said, glancing down at the ground.

"Then we get healed! The whole point of training is to get stronger. You're going to have to face your classmates during the sports fest!" Shouhei said, pointing out the rather obvious truth Yuuta was trying to avoid thinking about.

Admittedly it was one of his biggest fears, fighting both Shouhei and Arata during the sports fest. Knowing his luck, he'd probably have to face both.

He slammed his eyes shut, trying to breathe. So many times now had he pictured the large stadium... Shouhei standing across from him, a smirk pulled across his lips. Sometimes it was Arata, his piercing turquoise eyes looking as though he were about to murder Yuuta.

Neither were a pleasant daydream and Yuuta's heart began to pound in his chest, his breathing growing shallow. He shook his head back and forth.

"N-No..." he said, pressing his head to his hands. "I can't!"

"Oi, oi, oi," Shouhei said, jogging over to him. His hands wrapped gently around Yuuta's wrists, pulling them down. "What's going on?"

Slowly turning his gaze to Shouhei, Yuuta bit his lip. "I-I... I can't fight you Shouhei," he whispered. "I'm terrified I'll hurt you or... or..."

Shouhei scoffed. "I guess I should be offended you think I'm weak enough to let you land a hit."

"Eh?" Yuuta blinked, confusion dancing through his dark eyes. "I-I don't think you're weak at all, Shou."

"Exactly. I can hold my own against you," he smirked. His thumbs brushed over the backs of Yuuta's hands. Somehow Shouhei was always so gentle, even behind his sometimes gruff personality.

"Yes but..."

"Boys!" Mina's voice cut Yuuta off and he jerked away quickly, not wanting her to see them holding hands. Or well, he supposed Shouhei probably wouldn't want her to see them holding hands. He wasn't sure how much it mattered.

"M-Mina-sensei! A-Ah uhm... Kirishima-sensei," Yuuta stammered. He knew they should be calling her by her family name, despite being more familiar with her.

"Yuu-kun," Mina chuckled, smirking at both of them. "If the rest of the class isn't around, you don't have to be so nervous and formal!" She giggled. "It's cute how much like your mom you are. Momo-chan must be so proud."

"I-I uh, I hope..." Yuuta muttered, looking down at the ground. So far he hadn't done much to warrant his parents being proud of him.

"What seems to be the problem over here? Everyone is training and you two are just standing here talking," Mina said, narrowing her eyes at the two boys. "You shouldn't take this time for granted, especially with the sports festival coming up! These hours we set aside for training are crucial!" she said, tapping her foot against the ground.

"Well Yuu-"

"It's my fault Mina-sensei!" Yuuta said, immediately cutting Shouhei off. "I-I told Shou I didn't want to attack him and I started thinking about having to face Shou or Arata during the sports festival and I just... I freaked out..." he muttered, his cheeks flushing.

"Yuuta," Mina said and placed a hand on his shoulder. "I get that fighting against your classmates might seem a little bizarre, but I promise it will be good for you! I paired you with Shouhei today because I thought you would feel more comfortable working with someone you know very well. I guess that was maybe a mistake?" She raised her eyebrow, smiling at the two of them.

"N-No!" Yuuta said, shaking his head. "I need to get over it... I know..."

"Try not to think too much about it," Mina explained. "Your mother and I used to spar all the time!" she laughed. "Same with me and Ocha-chan!" She glanced towards Shou. "Your dad was a different story. No one wanted to fight against Bakugou, save for like Eiji... Midoriya... Todoroki occasionally... Oh and of course him and Ochako-chan sparred all the time, probably why they got married," she teased, waving her hand back and forth. "Well, either way, neither of you are going to explode the other, so just try and have fun and give it your all! You're on the hero track for a reason," she said.

Yuuta bit his lip. She was right. He had chosen to do this... he knew what it entailed. He wasn't sure why he thought he would never have to potentially spar against everyone in class. As heroes, his parents never fought against their friends. Only people who were quite obviously villains… but even they probably did things like this in school.

"Right," Yuuta nodded.

"I can promise you your parents sparred all the time as well, Yuu-kun," Mina explained. "None of us became heroes by holding ourselves back."

"I keep telling him he's not going to hurt me," Shouhei huffed.

"Yes, give Shou-kun some credit!" Mina giggled. "Do you think you boys can try to practice now? If you don't want to be paired up in the future, I can make sure to avoid this again, but I think the two of you can help each other get stronger-"

"No! We can do it!" Yuuta said, pulling away from them to go stand more in the middle of the field. The last thing he wanted was to be denied more chances to work with Shouhei. "Let's go Shou!" he called out, letting the blue flames flicker around his palms.

"Alright, alright, give me a second," he said, running to stand across from him.

Yuuta glanced down at his hands, the blue flames cold as he started to warm their temperature, he saw Shouhei press his hands against a few large rocks, moving his fingers to raise them up.

They could do this... it was just like Mina said, they could help each other get stronger.

~~

 SLAP

The sound was sharp, echoing across the training room, Enji's palm connecting with Arata's face.

"You're late," he stated flatly.

The sting spread across Arata's cheek and he instinctively brought his own palm to gently rub the spot.

"I-I had to... change after class," Arata muttered, though even as the words left his mouth, he could tell they felt like a piss poor excuse. It wouldn't matter to Enji what he was doing... Arata was late and Enji wasn't going to accept any sort of reason.

"I don't appreciate people who disrespect my time," Enji scoffed. "You came to me Arata. Please keep that in mind."

"Yes Grandfather," he breathed.

"Good, I'd like you to spend the first hour rotating between core training; jogging, pushups, sit ups, etc."

He opened his mouth about to argue they had worked on those things today during their training session at school, but he didn't wish to elicit anymore slaps.

"If you truly wish to be stronger, Arata, you must discipline yourself. Right now, I question how serious you are taking this."

Arata's stomach dropped. He was questioning that? After how much time and how hard he was working both here and at school? Arata couldn't allow Enji to think that.

"I-I promise I want to take it seriously."

"Words are empty. Actions will prove to me how serious you are."

Arata nodded silently, making his way to the training hall. He would work all night if he had to, homework be damned. Even if he lost sleep, he could make up for the time at some point.

 "There are many reasons we don't speak to your grandfather."

His father's voice echoed in his ear. It was a well known fact, even amongst the professional heroes that Todoroki Shouto and Todoroki Enji did not speak. Enji had been a strong hero before his retirement, maintaining the number one spot for quite some time. Eventually, as did most heroes, he grew too old, forced to retire the name Endeavor.

Arata didn't remember much about his grandfather. He recalled the smell of the house, like something was burning inside of it at all times. He remembered hugging him and excitedly showing his grandfather his quirk for the first time... that was the last day he had seen him with his parents alone.

Aunt Fuyumi occasionally would have the entire Todoroki family over, and Enji always went to that. He attended but he barely spoke, keeping to himself until he said goodbye to each of them, only glancing at Shouto once, nodding his head in acknowledgment.

Shouto never made it clear what their grandfather had done, but Arata wondered how bad it could've been. Then again, based on the way Enji spoke sometimes, Arata had a suspicion it had to do with their mother, and knowing his father, he was very protective of her.

Even Arata disliked the way Enji had made a few subtle comments about his quirk being too similar to his mother's.

"Grandfather..." Arata began, standing in the middle of the room. "Do you think... my mother is strong?"

"Your mother?" Enji asked. He sighed, letting his eyes shut. "Your mother is a strong woman, yes. She uses her quirk well, and has clearly put a great deal into her training."

"I see," Arata said.

"Your father is stronger..." Enji said, trailing off. "I don't believe this is something we should speak on. We're wasting precious training time."

Arata glanced down, staring his feet. "Do you think that... they shouldn't have gotten together?" he asked, biting his lip. Enji clearly wanted to change the subject, unsurprisingly. The few times Arata and Yuuta had brought up the topic of their grandfather to their parents, they too had been dodgy.

"Hm..." Enji sighed, huffing out a breath of air. "No. I don't think that. Momo has always brought out something good in Shouto." His voice gruff as he spoke the words, as though they were painful to him. "She makes him work harder and the two of them have always been a good... duo."

"Oh..." Arata muttered. "Have... you ever told him you think that?"

"He never gave me a chance," Enji muttered, standing up.

"Why is it that... you two don't talk?" Arata knew he was pushing his luck, especially from the way Enji's face fell slightly.

"Mmm," Enji hummed, tapping his finger against his arm. Arata watched, waiting for Enji to respond. "I wanted Shouto to be number one. I wanted him to carry on our family legacy. I pushed him, and he did not wish to be pushed in that way..." he explained. "But you, Arata, despite your tardiness today, I do think you can make it to the top. Your father is constantly fighting for the number one spot against Ground Zero and Deku, but if you work hard, you could own that spot. Just you."

"The number one hero," Arata whispered. It seemed like a dream beyond his reach. He never felt as strong as his father, nor did he think he was as strong as Yuuta even. Though his brother certainly didn't have the same drive Arata did. From what he could tell, he was only interested in following Shouhei around.

He clenched his fists, his eyes burning with more determination. "I'll do it. I'll be the number one hero," he said.

"Good, then I trust you will work hard at this training, and no more being late," he said, narrowing his eyes. "I do not wish to discipline you any more than I have to."

"No more being late," Arata repeated softly. He wondered if this was what his father hadn't liked. The pressure was already tightening in his chest, hoping he wouldn't do anything wrong to upset his grandfather again. If this was what he had to do to be the best... so be it.

~~

Tapping his pencil against his desk, Yuuta twisted his lips. He was tired, and he really didn't feel like continuing his homework, but they had barely started school. He couldn't lose steam now.

He made his way down to the common room, pulling out a kettle to put some tea on when he glanced out the window, noticing a figure heading back towards the B dorm. He raised his eyebrow, noting the way they walked, their backpack and hoodie. There was no doubt in his mind it was Arata.

He pursed his lips and pulled out his phone, glancing at their messages.

[Text to: Arata]: Wow! Training was hard today, huh?

Yuuta sighed. Of course Arata hadn't responded to him. He barely acknowledged him, even when he saw him in the hall.

But what exactly was he doing sneaking around after curfew? Yuuta leaned over the counter, glancing down the hall. There didn't seem to be much movement... he wondered if he could sneak out himself...

He just wanted to talk to his brother... even for a second.

Stepping quietly back to his room, he grabbed his own hoodie and tucked his phone into his pocket. He prayed he wouldn't get caught, but even if he did, worst case, he could make up some excuse about missing his brother or something.

He snuck across the grass to the other building, stepping inside. Arata was on the fourth floor, and of course he had to be at the very top at the other end of the hall.

Taking a deep breath, he scurried towards his door, knocking on it lightly. "Arata," he whispered, and the door immediately swung open. His brother glared at him and grabbed his hoodie, yanking him inside.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he asked, frowning. "It's after curfew."

Yuuta glanced down. "I could ask you the same question."

"It's... my room?" Arata said, glancing around.

Clicking his tongue, Yuuta folded his arms. "I meant I saw you sneaking back inside just now!" he huffed, and then frowned, noticing the redness on the side of Arata's face. Maybe he had been training... or... "Where... were you, Arata?"

"Whatever Yuuta," he scoffed, yanking his chair out to sit down. "I have homework."

"Arata, please," he said. "Are you doing extra training?"

"Yes, now go back to your room before you get us both in trouble!" he hissed, slamming his fist down against the desk. Yuuta jumped, freezing in place. He really didn't want to get caught in Arata's room but...

He had to get to the bottom of this.

"Where is this anger coming from? I don't... I don't understand," he whispered, stepping towards his brother's desk.

"I don't expect you to," Arata muttered, running his hand through his hair. "Look, Yuuta. We're both here to learn and become pro heroes. Can we just... focus on that? Please?"

"I just want to know where you've been."

"It's none of your business," he hissed. "Can't you just go back to Shouhei's room and make out or something?"

Yuuta bit his lip, his body deflating. "Arata I... don't understand why you're acting so... mean? What did I do to upset you? I-I just want to apologize and we can figure this out-"

"Yuuta, not everything is about you, okay? We don't all have our perfect lives figured out and we can't all just laugh and play around with our boyfriend while we half-assedly train. I don't get to just use my quirk casually like you," he snapped. "There's a lot to think about, and it takes way more practice!"

Sighing, Yuuta sat on Arata's bed, looking at his hands. "When we were little... I... was always really jealous of you," he began to explain. "You had such control over your quirk, and your crystals were... well, are, so beautiful. Mom was so helpful to you and... and I was a mess. I still am a mess. My quirk isn't easy to control. It's not like Dad where one side is ice and one is fire... it feels like mine is a weird mix of both and I still... suck at it. Secretly deep down it terrifies me," he laughed softly.

"So I guess what I mean to say is I don't understand why you're so jealous of me when... you have your life together way more than I do. I-I’m terrified I'm going to be a horrible hero. You're strong and badass, like... the perfect combination of Mom and Dad. I don't know why you feel so weak," he said, raising his eyes to look at Arata.

His brother had turned away, staring straight down at his desk.

"You were also the only person who wasn't afraid of my flame at first. When my hands ignited and I screamed, you were the only one to reach forward and grab them, completely unafraid. You've always been brave Arata, so I don't understand... this attitude. It kinda sucks," Yuuta shrugged. "Being pushed away over and over again... I... I don't like it."

Turning around, Arata sat next to him on the bed in a huff. "I wanna be the best, Yuuta. I know you don't care about this and you probably think I'm being crazy but... I need to do this... for myself. You need to do things for yourself too... we can't rely on each other forever."

Yuuta sighed and leaned against him. "Yeah but... we can still be friends. You're my best friend Arata, you always have been and always will be."

Arata sighed with him, rolling his eyes. "You're such a sap, Yuu," he chuckled, gently bumping his side.

"Can you please tell me where you went... I'm just worried..." he said quietly.

"Ugh, Yuu..." he muttered, running his hand through his hair. "Look if I tell you, you can't tell Mom or Dad. Especially Dad."

Yuuta blinked, nodding his head once before pausing. "You... You're training with Grandfather!" he said, thrusting his finger in Arata's face.

"W-What?!"

"Of course!" He jumped up, staring at him. "You want to get stronger and you're working really hard and sneaking away from school! Oh man," he smirked. "Dad is gonna kill you."

"Not if he doesn't find out! Yuuta I swear... if you tell them..."

"Oh my gosh, I'm right," he gasped, covering his mouth.

"I swear, if you tell Mom and Dad, I will kill you."

"Arata, you know how Dad is about Grandfather!" Yuuta said. "Dad might kill you first!"

"Look it's just... extra training and it's going really well... they don't need to know! I-I just... let me tell them on my own time?" he asked.

Yuuta sighed, taking a seat back on the bed. "Okay, okay... I won't tell them. You just have to promise me three things."

"Three?" Arata scoffed.

"Yes three," Yuuta nodded, folding his arms indignantly. "One, if anything goes wrong, you'll stop! Two, you tell Mom and Dad soon, and three, we can be best friends again."

Arata let out a long groan and fell back against his bed. "Fine, fine... I agree... but if I find out you tattled on me..."

"I promise I'll keep your secret... for now. If you don't tell Mom and Dad soon though... all promises are off," he hummed, falling backwards with him. "I really miss you Arata."

Pain flickered in his brother's eyes and Yuuta wondered why Arata was putting so much pressure on himself, why he felt like he had to hold back whatever he was feeling.

"Yeah," Arata swallowed. "I missed you too."

Yuuta could tell from the crack in his voice, Arata truly meant it.

~~

Ochako stared at the table in front of her. For so long it had felt complete; her and Katsuki at the ends, Shouhei and Sayuri sitting across from one another in the middle. It felt whole, complete, and she hated that now the table had dwindled back to three.

She couldn't imagine what she would do in a few short years when it was back down to just two.

Katsuki stood in the kitchen, scrubbing dishes before he loaded them into the dishwasher. Sayuri had slipped away almost immediately after dinner. This was becoming her new habit, eat in almost silence, then escape to her room to work on what she claimed was homework.

She knew Sayuri was still adjusting to Shouhei being gone, and of course, the horrible girls in school who were still bullying her.

"Oi," Katsuki growled. "What's wrong, Cheeks?" He spoke, but didn't turn around from his dishes. How he was so in tune with her emotions always shocked her momentarily.

"I-I just..." She glanced down the hallway towards Sayuri's room. "I'm worried about Sayu," she whispered softly.

"No shit... she's barely talking to us," he snorted.

"Well you're not much of a talker, I guess she gets it from you," Ochako teased, watching the muscles in her husband’s back while he continued to wash through their plates.

"Probably," he grunted. "I'll make her speak if I have to. If it's those girls at school I'll fuckin' murder 'em myself," he snarled, his hand moving faster as he washed the plates aggressively and slammed them into the dishwasher.

Ochako giggled and stood up, making her way to wrap her arms around him. "I understand where you're coming from, Katsuki, but please don't break our plates."

"Those bitches deserve it! What does it matter if she doesn't have a quirk!? I just... it doesn't fucking matter. I sure have fucking learned my lesson there," he said, his voice getting quieter the more he spoke.

"I know," she said, gently stroking her hands over his chest. "Her being quirkless doesn't matter... it shouldn't matter."

"Why are you guys talking about me?" Sayuri's voice made both Ochako and Katsuki freeze in the kitchen.

"Eh? Honey!" Ochako gasped, turning away from Katsuki. "We were just discussing work, that's all."

"Mom, I'm not a fucking idiot," she snapped, glaring at both of her parents, admittedly taking on Katsuki's level of rage. "I get it okay!? It would be so much easier if I just had a damn quirk, wouldn't it?!"

"Honey that's not what-"

"Baby girl..." Katuski growled, turning to face his daughter. "That's not what we were talking about. We were angry about the shit girls at your school. Your mom is stopping me from killing them."

"Ugh, why," she rolled her eyes, snorting as she popped back down into her dining chair.

"Because that's wrong-"

"Yeah, yeah, we get it," Katsuki and Sayuri muttered at the same time.

Ochako couldn't help the giggle, shaking her head at the two of them. "We can start training soon," Ochako suggested gently, sitting down with her daughter.

Sayuri pursed her lips. "Yeah..."

"What's wrong, baby girl?" Katsuki asked, peering over his shoulder as he took his own seat at the table.

Gently brushing her thumbs over her own fingers, Sayuri shrugged. "I-I guess... being quirkless... not having a power or ability... it used to be normal right?" she asked softly. "Not having a 'mutation' was considered the normal and now..." she trailed off. "I guess I just don't understand why now it's considered so abnormal to be what once was normal..." She twisted her lips and looked down as if she was trying not to cry. "I just don't get why it matters-"

"It doesn't," Katsuki was quick to snap. "So don't tell yourself it does."

"I-I just don't understand why I don't have one. You two have such powerful quirks, Shouhei has one... so why am I sitting here with the short end of the goddamn stick!" she snapped, growing angrier.

"Sweetheart..." Ochako said, and gently touched her shoulder. "I don't want to give you a... scientific answer but... I guess it has something to do with genetics. There was nothing we could do about it, and honey you have to know we tried..."

Sayuri glanced towards Katsuki briefly and then back at her mother. "Well, science is fucking dumb," she hissed, pushing away from the table as she stormed back into her room.

Ochako sighed and glanced at her husband. "Well that went well..."

"Oh yeah," Katsuki snorted, rolling his eyes.

"She is your daughter after all," Ochako said, wishing she could say something to understand and make her daughter feel better.

"Yeah," Katsuki muttered, pushing away from the table to continue the dishes.

As Ochako sat by herself, she realized the table had never felt so empty.

[cannibalisticshadows]

Loving The Alien (Part 15)

(Out of three options, Ao3 commenters chose to bring in Hal)

AO3 LINK

Rating: T, with threats of violence.

The apartment feels different.

It’s missing something that had become vital in the natural essence of the environment. Now it feels like some kind of void, a black hole.

Well. Maybe not so dramatic, but as Roxanne sat on the couch, snapping her cell phone off, leaving her in the dark, all she could hear was the silence.

Trusting him to return to her, she laid there and fell asleep before she could really realize she was still tired.

The next time she opens her eyes, though, it’s not to a bubbly blue face hovering over her. It’s to the midday light shining in her face through the balcony window.

Groaning, she sits up and tightens her robe. It’s cold, but the cable box under her TV is flashing, letting her know the power is back on.

She calls out Megamind’s name but there’s no answer. Glancing back at the clock, she finds it’s nine in the morning. Quelling her suddenly worry about being late to work, she remembers she’s off “sick”, and she deserves a little time to herself.

The thing is, that’s the last thing she wants at the moment.

It is hard to ignore the silence of her home. Before, weeks ago, she relished it, especially after coming home to a long day at work (including being kidnapped). It gives her a few blissful moments of peace that she is unable to have outside, it seems.

Yet the only thing she wants is to hear Megamind muddling about. Even when he was conked out, healing, it was something.

So, to stop the sucking silence around her, she turns the TV on to channel eight. James Phillips, an older reporter she’s talked to on a few occasions, is going on about some new bookstore opening. Maybe she should go… Would Megamind want to, as well?

The young reporter tinkers about in her kitchen until she’s brewed a few cups of coffee and a made herself a bowl of cereal, because it’s one of the last few edible things she has left. It was unavoidable; she had to go out today for errands.

Roxanne cracks her neck, stretching and thinking. She should get a shower and ready herself for the day; days spent lounging around doing nothing but eating, talking, and sleeping had pasted. Time to return to the real world.

Making up her mind, yet reluctant to leave incase Megamind leaves, she pulls out a slip of paper out to use once she’s ready to go to the grocery store.

Right as she’s preparing to go upstairs, there’s a knock on her door.

It’s not the loud pounding of a robotic gorilla paw, so she gives a skeptical glower as she goes to peak out the peep hole.

Standing at her doorway is none other than Hal, her cameraman. She frowns, unlocking the door and opening it.

“Hey!” The short ginger-haired man greets, grinning from ear-to-ear. “I heard you were sick and stuff!”

“Yeah, I was ac—“ she doesn’t get a chance to finish talking, as he’s stepping closer as if to come inside. She opens her mouth to protest, because, if she’s sick he shouldn’t want to come inside.

“I’ve got you some medicine!” He announced, pushing past her through the apartment anyway, eyes hungrily eating up her home.

“Hal, you sh—“

He slaps some bag on the table, some common over-the-counter cold medicine, accompanied by a little box of chocolates.They spill onto her marble counter, clacking as they go. She hovers a few feet away, midway to Hal in her kitchen and to the door.

“So, like, I was thinking,” he starts, waddling over on too-skinny legs in proportion to the rest of him. “We could go get that pizza or like, whatever.”

“Hal, that’s sweet b—“

“Awesome! Do you wanna go now—oh wait, you’re probably still sick, right? Haha, I know what that’s like! I had this like, toe fungus the other day and—“

“Hal, you need to lea—“

“What time do you want to go?”

She’s just about ready to pull her hair out. She did not want Hal to be here. She did not want to be having this damn conversation. She just wants to go out to the store and restock in goods so she can cuddle up with Megamind because some weird internal instinct says it’s a great fucking idea to forget the world a little longer.

“Hal,” she says forcefully, once he’s about a few inches away. “Look, you’re sweet, but I can’t go out with you.”

“Well, yeah, you’re sick right now but we can still plan ahead—“

“No,” she snaps, “I mean, never. Ever never. I’m seeing someone. It’s serious.” I hope it’s serious.

His face falls. “Oh. Right. Metro Dude.”

“He’s not my boyfriend.”

Hal’s face scrunches up. “Wait. So. You have a regular guy?” A weird twinkle in his eyes makes her insides shiver. “Then forget him! Let’s go out!”

“No, Hal!” She’s shouting now. “I happen to love my boyfriend very much, so I’d appreciate it if you left! He’s coming back soon.”

“God, Roxie,” he frowns. “Don’t be such a harpy. I’m trying to be all nice and you’re like yelling at me and stuff!”

Don’t you fucking dare turn this on me.

She’s about ready to demand he leave, to get off the building’s premises, but—but out of the corner of her eye, she sees—

Megamind. He’s finally, finally back, hovering over her balcony on what looks like some black and blue motorcycle but without wheels. There’s a large engine on the front, roaring like a car. She is careful not to stare, as Hal’s back as to him. And Megamind isn’t wearing anything to hide his more alien-likeness. His tail, looking at least an inch longer, wags to the side in caution. She shakes her head.

“Look, babe, all I’m trying to say is ditch this douche. Let’s hang out! I’m a great guy!”

“I’m sure,” and I have three eyes, “but you need to leave—“ Megamind presses his face against the glasses, eyes wide like some puppy that’s been kicked outside after pissing on the rug. Her heart breaks. “You need to leave. Right now.”

Hal steps closer to her. He’s—not usually this assertive. He’s mostly a calm guy with a few flirtatious or slightly creepy comebacks. But—

She smells the sharp tangy scent of alcohol. And realizes he’s been drinking. He’s drunk. His eyes are dilated. Fuck. She glances to Megamind, and he’s still on the balcony, clearly confused and it hurts her to leave him there but they both know he’d rather die than have someone see his actual face. He staggers up to her and grabs her wrist. “Come on, Roxie, it’ll be—“

She pulls her hand out of his grasp. “No, Hal. I already said, I have a—“ He makes another go at her.

Roxanne miscalculates her steps and she’s—falling, falling on her back and Hal is right behind her, grunting as his weight collapses atop her her.

The balcony door flings open and before she knows it, Hal is being yanked off her.

“How dare you!” Megamind shouts, the pitifully honed expression he once had long gone from this feral look he had now. He bares his sharp teeth, wide green eyes ablaze with fury. “You dare force yourself upon a woman that doesn't want your advances!?

With a loud scream, Hal is thrown against the wall, hands up in surrender. "Please don't kill me!"

"Oh, how lucky you are I left the villain busy-ness!" Megamind snarls. "I would have torn your intestines out to decorate a Christmas tree!"

"AHH!"

"And rip our your eyeballs so you can watch me tear your carcus apart!"

"NO PLEASE!"

Megamind opens his maw, god he actually looks terrifying, and hisses like some dying big cat, tongue curling and all. Hal is finally let go, and he collapses on the floor in a violently shaking heap. On all fours he scampers to the door, stumbling to his feet and whing all the way as she leaves.

Roxanne, unable to move, sits there and stares at the empty doorway in shock.

She she turns to Megamind, he's heaving, staring at the floor like it's takening every nerve in his body not to chase after the fucker. Finally, after what feels like a million years, he fades away from his vicious intent. When he looks at her, all thoughts of blood and gore seem to fall away. Instantly, she has her tender Megamind back, and he's scooping her up in his arms to tightly she can't properly breath.

"Oh, my dear!" He cries into her hair, clutching at her like she's the only thing in this world worth fighting for. She hugs tight, too, but not as shaken as he is, apparently. "I'm so sorry I left you alone!"

"M-"

"I'm never leaving your side again!" He picks her up bridal style.

“Megamind!” She laughs. “I’m okay!”

“He touched you,” he seethed.

“I would have taken care of it,” she explains, cupping his worried face. “But I’m a klutz and I just tripped.”

He turns his head to bury his face in her left palm. He kisses her skin as if she was a queen. In his presence, she feels like one. “I should have intervened anyway.”

“Oh, sweetheart,” she kisses his cheeks, his nose, his goatee, his forehead, and finally, his lips. “You are perfect as you are. Granted you did overreact a bit, but you are fine.”

He snorts. “There is nothing fine about me. I think your eyes need to be checked.”

“Have you looked in a mirror lately? Your sexy as hell, honey.”

“Have I? Have you? I am hideous as far as humanity goes.”

She smacks him in the chest and struggles to get down. Once he sets her on her feet, she grabs him by the shoulders and shakes him lightly. “Let me shake some sense in you, Megamind. I find you very attractive. Even if you’re not human, you are more human than half the population.” She leans closer to him. “I would not have fallen in love with you if you weren’t who you are in here.” She puts her hand over his rapidly beating heart.

His eyes go glassy. “Roxanne...”

“I love you, Megamind. I have for a while. It just took me a while to realize it.”

“....Really?”

She gives him a real smile.

But as they embrace in a tight hug and kiss, they are unaware of the camera flash going off.

[shianhygge-imagines]

{The Difference} Chapter 6: Geralt Has Stepped Out [A Witcher Story]

|Masterlist Link|

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Jazz, finally finished her stew. And everyone in the guest room seemed to be glad for it. The girl in their opinion, bar Uma’s since he was incapable of having one yet, was a monster in her own right. After calming down from her happy high… and hugging away any and all future hugging discomforts from Avallac’h… Jazz had taken a glance at her bowl of stew and frowned before taking a peek at the other two bowls in the room… and forced Todd and Gav to trade her the vegetables in their bowls for the meat in hers. Granted, Jazz liked meat, and she definitely wasn’t allergic to it, but she did prefer more vegetables… So she harassed Gav and Todd to give her theirs. And only once she was satisfied, was when everyone was allowed to eat.

A recap of the entire time that Jazz was trying to trade her meat for vegetables consisted of this:

“No. You’re not getting any of my vegetables!” Todd denied with a firm shake of his head, arms crossed and green eyes set in a firm stare at Jazz’s pout. “Normally people don’t want to eat their vegetables! Why the bloody hell do you want so many vegetables?” The question came out as a growl, going along with the image of a macho man that he presented, much to Jazz’s displeasure.

By her side, Uma groaned, and Jazz turned to the cursed Aen Elle immediately, “Right, Uma? You agree. I should get some more vegetables!”

“You got enough from Gav!” Todd insisted, pointed at the taller male, who was sitting in the corner and stuffing his face with the, now, mostly meat filled stew.

Gav looked up, a dribble of stew slowly dripping down the corner of his mouth, “Wot? ‘Ah hate veg’tables!” Todd only sighed, slamming a hand to his forehead for the near fifth time that day.

“Come on, Todd! Just a few pieces!” Jazz beamed a wide smile, teeth and all at the green eyed man.

With a roll of his eyes, Todd finally gave in and held out his bowl. “Fine.”

“YES!”

Surprisingly, Jazz took to feeding Uma some of her food and water, gently spooning small scoops of vegetables for Uma to eat. Even more surprising was that Uma willingly eat the food being offered, that spark of sentience within his eyes returning. But Jazz didn’t notice, too intent on the food, and not dropping anything on Uma.

And it was while Jazz was cleaning the delicious remains from the bottom of the bowl that the Baron’s men barged into the guest room and demanded that she see the Baron immediately. Grumbling, Jazz stood from her seat, careful not to knock Uma down, before slipping on the leather boots and greaves that Gav bought for her. The two guards, however, also noticed that Uma was in the room, and proceeded to stomp into the room and drag the cursed man kicking and screaming from his seat.

“UMAAAA! UMA! UMAAAMAMAMAMA!!!!” the cursed elf screamed, struggling against the soldiers.

“LET HIM GO!” Jazz yelled, dropping her wooden bowl on the floor to tackle one of the soldiers away from Uma and attempt to beat the armored man with her metal spoon.

“BLOODY HELLS, GIRL! LET GO!” The soldier attempted to pry Jazz off of his waist forcefully. “LET GO OR YOU’LL BE SORRY!”

Uma, meanwhile, had managed to escape the soldier’s hold, and ran out the door. Jazz, still furiously trying to jab a spoon at the man’s armor, yelled after her new friend, “RUN, UMA!”

Also meanwhile, Todd and Gav were attempting to pry the smaller woman off of their fellow soldier….

[twenty minutes later…]

Jazz stood in the middle of the Baron’s office, rocking back and forth on her feet sporting a satisfied smirk at the mess behind her. The Baron, however, glowered at his men, firmly disappointed at their capabilities. “How the hell did you four get so ploughing banged up?”

The men only groaned in pain from their spots in the back of the room. Jazz had resisted heavily, not liking being manhandled, but also not liking that they treated Uma so unfairly. The advantage that she had over the men was that she dressed lightly. With no heavy armor to weigh her down, Jazz had full mobility, maneuvering around the men, and aiming punches in the cracks of their armor. It took several good minutes before Jazz was able to subdue the men, being careful with Todd and Gav, but giving the other two men rougher treatment, going so far as to slam her forearms over the sides of the head to discombobulate them. It was why those two men, in particular, were on the floor, unable to stand up.

“S-she’s a tricky one, sir....” Todd answered, an uncharacteristic stutter slipping through at the Baron’s unimpressed expression.

Philip Strenger snorted, and waved his arm, dismissing the defeated soldiers from the room, “Away with you lot.” The Baron didn’t speak further, waiting for the men to clear the room first, “So, girl. What business do you have searching for Geralt?” He asked this as he leaned back to sit on the edge of his desk, arms crossed and meaning business.

“I’m looking for a way home.” Jazz admitted, her brown eyes decidedly honest, though there were moments where she blew upward to get a stray strand of hair out of her face.

“That taciturn approach won’t work with me, Jazz.” The Baron shook his head at Jazz’s use of the same approach with Todd and Gav. “I need more information if I’m going to tell you where Geralt is. So you better start explaining.”

The woman frowned the slightest bit, not wanting to divulge too much information. With a sigh, Jazz closed her eyes and pressed her lips together. When brown eyes opened once more, Jazz spoke in a resigned tone. “I’m from a place further than past the Blue Mountains. Where I live, I can’t get to simply by horse or walking… not even a boat could help.” Her eyes met the Baron’s, “You understand, right? I need a wielder of magic in order to help me. Even then, I’m not sure if a normal sorceress is strong enough to send me home. That’s why I need to find Geralt, so that he can lead me to someone who can.”

“Your home… if it’s so far away, then how did you get here in the first place? And how in blazes name, did you know to look for Geralt of Rivia? Out of all the witchers you could look for, why Geralt.” The Baron was much smarter than he was given credit, which meant that Jazz had to dance around the questions again.

“I was taken, kidnapped, if you want to call it that, from my home.” Jazz started, trying to play up the sympathetic damsel card. “I was living away from home at the time. At the university dormitory, when I was taken.” From the softening of the Baron’s eyes, Jazz could tell that her ploy had worked. “I woke up in some abandoned barn a ways from White Orchard. That’s where I heard about The White Wolf.” A sheepish smile, “I uh, may have ran into some trouble there when I was mistaken for a fellow Rivian. I had asked how much a room in the inn was and was, well… tossed out on my ass.”

“Now, lass, you’re to tell me why you have a Witcher’s medallion around your neck.” The Baron stared at the face of the griffin intently. “From the look in your eyes, you’re not a witcher.” Jazz stayed silent, not denying that she wasn’t in fact, a witcher. “Then how did you get it?”

Jazz made a sour face, not really wanting to tell the Baron. If things went bad here, then it would be very easy to get into contact with any traveling militia of witch hunters. “I stole it from a group of individuals who had hunted down a Witcher of the Griffin School. The medallion is another reason I need to find this, Geralt of Rivia. I felt that at witcher should be in possession of the medallion.” Not some 21 year old gamer girl that’s from another world.

“Well you’re out of luck. Geralt left the day the guards found you.” Strenger informed me, heaving a sigh and shrugging a shoulder.

The much smaller girl gaped at the rotund man. “I-I’m sorry.. What?” The Baron gave a look that clearly stated, you heard me, girl.And Jazz threw her hands up to hold her head in horror. Holy shit! He left already? THOSE SIX EXTRA DAYS, DAMMIT! Jazz wanted to curse the leshen, but as much as she wanted to, she knew she couldn’t. Had the leshen not appeared when it did, then a worse fate might have befallen Jazz. If I had to choose between two evils, I’d rather not choose at all… huh?

By this point, Jazz had started to pace vigorously in front of the Baron, muttering under her breath and making wild hand gestures. The Baron, only sat back and watched, letting the young woman vent her frustrations. Still, however, the scene was rather amusing to look at. And after a short while of pacing, Jazz abruptly stopped, turning her head so fast that it nearly gave the Baron whiplash. “Do you know if and when he’s returning?”

The Baron shrugged, a shake of his head, “He wouldn’t say. Said that he had to go to Oxenfurt and Novigrad for some business. But knowing him…” The Baron paused with a sympathetic expression. “Could take a week, maybe even a month before he’s back.”

Jazz slumped over, disappoint evident on her face, lips pulled taut, brows scrunched, and eyes narrowed. But she wasn’t surprised. No. She’d played as Geralt enough times to know that nothing would ever be done in a timely manner. Each person that he does to for help would ask him for a favor. That favor could easily turn into two favors, and so on and so forth. And she didn’t particularly want to travel to anywhere on the Continent without a companion. No choice but to ask to stay in Crow’s Perch. Geralt has to come back for Uma eventually. Biting her lip, Jazz lay on the apprehension especially thick. “Would it be too much to ask if you have need for a worker?” At the raised brow the Baron sent her, Jazz clarified, “I don’t have anywhere to go. I could work for you, and pay for my stay by doing work as a cleaner, a chef, or maid.”

Strenger raised a hand to silence the rambling girl, a glint of amusement in his eyes. “What do you know about monsters, Jazz?”

Both brows raised high up. “I know more than the average man, Lord Strenger.” Which was true. She had the entire Witcher 3 bestiary memorized with some knowledge from the books. “Why?”

The Bloody Baron smirked and leaned forward, “I’ve in need of an advisor to help my men deal with those creatures. Geralt isn’t available, so I’d like to hire you.”

The 21 year old looked incredulous, “Me?” It felt like a terrible dream, “You want me to help your men fight against creatures?” Jazz glanced down at herself before looking the Baron directly in his eyes, all facades dropping as she pointed at herself, “I can barely hold a sword! What good am I?”

The older man only shrugged, “We could teach ya how to use a sword. And you’d be more of an alarm for my men. Warn them if anything evil is lurking when you’re on the road.”

I’m just a glorified radar. Jazz thought with alarm, but she still found herself nodding her head in agreement. “You have yourself a deal.” I just need to pay attention to the medallion… and learn how to brew decoctions or oils. Goddamn it, I NEED TO BREW OILS! Once outside of the Baron’s office, Jazz’s eyes went wide in alarm. I NEED TO BREW OILS AND DECOCTIONS! I ALMOST FAILED CHEMISTRY!

Jazz Amarante… amateur Witcher… This didn’t sound like a disaster at all...

[just-another-winchester]

To Hell And Back

Request?/No

Warnings?/None that I can think of.

Pairing?/Dean x reader

Plot/Reader is still coping with Deans soul going to hell before she gets a surprise.

A/N: I am already planning a part two for this one so commenting for one is unnecessary but appreciated. Some spelling might be off, please be honest, but remember CONSTRUCTIVE criticism is key.

Editing Credit/

John Watson

You screamed, your heart in as much agony as Dean was probably in. You couldn't tell if it was exploding or imploding, or if there was even a difference at this point. A feeling of... Denial? rose up in your chest, your arms wrapped around Dean's shoulders as you held him close. You could hear him screaming, feel him struggling, and at this point all you could do was hold him and lie, promising everything would be alright. "Sh, Shh, I love you, it's gonna be okay." you muttered, although you doubted he heard you anymore. you wanted to be strong for him, but you could feel yourself crumble to pieces as you felt Dean's body go limp. In that instance, you couldn't describe what you felt. Denial? Terror? A mixture of grief came so sudden that it overpowered you, you couldn't cry, and no tears came. you pulled back to see his dead eyes looking back at you. You were shaking, as your fingers gripped his shirt and held him up. You opened your mouth, and attempted to speak, but nothing came out. And you tried, so hard, you just... squeaked. Finally, you closed your mouth, your body still shaking violently as you pulled his body close to you, holding him tightly and rocking him back and forth in your arms as the tears finally began to pour like rain. It was like you could feel your heart shatter to a million pieces. Finally you felt my voice come again as you gripped Dean close. You looked up and screamed so loud, it felt like it ripped your throat apart and a deep mournful sob you had never heard before in your entire life came out of your mouth as you screamed. "NO!" You shoot awake to the sound of your wall clock ticking away the seconds. Your body still shaking, you were sweating, gasping for air and you could feel the tears streaming down your face. Another nightmare. Four months ago, the man you loved was taken from you before your eye, you fought to keep him alive. You and his brother Sam both looked for everything, despite what he wanted. Sadly, nothing panned out, and instead of walking away, you buried a body and said your goodbye. You knew you would never truly feel safe again, not without Dean. You would never feel safe, not without his arms wrapped around you, not without his stupid sense of humor or his annoying recklessness,and not without his words, promising he loved you. You knew it, you knew he loved you. You loved him too... but you couldn't save him. No matter how hard you tried. Finally, you caught your breath as you checked your alarm clock. Five in the morning. Great. Just great. You normally don't wake up until around seven, but lately your nightmares had been getting worse. You were certain that they would never stop, and they seemed to be becoming day mares as well. It also seemed like everywhere you looked, you saw Dean. It seemed like no matter what you did, you could hear his screams, and they reminded you that you failed him. Dean Winchester was the only man who had ever really meant anything to you, and now he was gone. You took another deep breath. Wiping your eyes, you threw the covers off your legs as you knew that there was no way you were going back to sleep now. You walked to your bathroom, opening the door and looking at yourself in the mirror. Once again, the echo of Dean's screams flew through your thoughts. You shut your eyes, just to open them again and see more tears. You wanted to cry yourself to death, but you were 100% sure that wasn't possible, so you settled for washing your face and brushing your teeth instead. You did your best to ignore the ache in your heart, the pain in your soul You tried to pretend it wasn't there, trying to convince yourself it didn't rip you apart inside to know that Dean was in hell, in agony. You took a deep breath as you washed your face, gently rubbing cream into your soft cheeks. You couldn't look at yourself in the mirror, not while you rinsed your face, not while you brushed your teeth. Not while you did anything half the time anymore. You sighed softly before walking out of the bathroom and heading to your kitchen. You decided to make a pot of coffee, some sausage and some hash browns. You started the coffee before getting out a frying pan and starting on the sausage. You then pulled out a bag of frozen hash browns from your freezer, knowing you'd have to break them apart. After you finished fixing your food, you turned on the television in your kitchen, hopping up to sit on the counter as you ate. For a moment, your thoughts were clear. You quietly listened to the news go on about global warming and political stuff that you had trouble keeping up with. You sighed as you checked the time, almost wishing that today wasn't your day off. On a normal day you would be in the shower, getting ready for work. Actually on a normal day, you would still be in bed, seeing as it was only just now six in the morning. You liked your normal life to an extent, living in the small apartment wasn't as bad as it could have been. Hell, you could still be going from town to town, just sleeping in dirty motels. You had a nice job at a bakery where you made donuts and decorated cakes. It warmed your heart to see the looks on kid's faces whenever they came in. It helped that the bakery was right next to a park, so they came in pretty often. Your co-workers were nice, the customers were friendly, things were... comfortable. But comfortable just wasn't your style. Sure, who didn't like comfort? Hell, being comfortable is really the best you can ever imagine being, but there were times where it all seemed like a trick, like this was just a cruel dream and you would wake up and find Dean beside you, still asleep and holding your body against his. Dean. There it was again, that name that plagued you. You had a good few minutes, your mind not worrying, not missing the man you loved, but it would never last long no thanks to everywhere that you looked was a reminder of him. Was your life right now good? Yes, but with Dean, with Sam, all hunting together, figuring things out as a team? Saving people as a team? That was what got you overjoyed, that was what made you smile at night when your inner demons threatened to attack, saving people, hunting things. The Winchester family business. The motto Dean repeated to you had become ingrained in your mind. At first, you felt out of place, it was after all the Winchester family business, but neither of the boys paid much attention to the specifics of it. They loved you, and you loved them. When you first met Dean and Sam, you were a survivor, not a hunter. You knew what was out there, but you never went looking to come face to face with any of it., You didn't save people, you saved yourself, and it all changed with them though. They taught you self defense, they helped you, and they took care of you. Sam was like a brother to you, and since the moment you first saw Dean, you knew you would love him for eternity. They saved you countless times. Which brings you back to the fact that the one time they needed you the most, the one time Dean needed you the most, you couldn't save him, no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't find a way to save Dean. It was hard enough living without him, but the fact that you knew he was in hell made you heartsick. You took a deep breath, closing your eyes and setting your empty plate down on the counter. You tried clearing your mind again, but it was always so hard. It made you feel like you were saying goodbye to him over and over. Pushing Dean away, even just the memory of him, hurt like hell. You had always hated the term broken-hearted. AT first, you thought it was exaggerated, but now here you were, a complete description of the phrase as you felt like you were being torn apart for the fifth time this morning. The nightmares, the memories, the sounds of his screams everywhere you went. It felt like it was endless. Sure you weren't in hell, Dean was in a much worse state than you, but that's what made it hard for you to breathe sometimes. Your soul was never worth as much as a Winchester, hell they wouldn't even take Sam's soul for Dean. You would have died for the man, for either of them, but there was nothing left to do, no one left to die for. It didn't help that Sam wouldn't let you, and he was broken as you were, missing his big brother, a mixture of emotions no one could possibly describe. For a while, after it had happened, you stayed with Sam and Bobby, trying to find Dean a way out, but once you three had exhausted all our options, You gave the two your new phone number and parted ways. As much as you loved both of them, it was just too difficult to be around them. Even though you couldn't escape the constant reminders of Dean, being around them was much more painful, because it was a constant reminder that Dean was real, and that you couldn't save him. There had been so many times over the past few months since his death that you told yourself, 'none of it was real, you just made them up in your mind because you're lonely, and crazy.' It rarely worked, but there had been times where you actually got sleep because you had convinced yourself it was a nightmare, and you would wake up in a normal life with a normal family. You always knew though, knew that was just a wish that would never be granted. You let out a sigh as you turned your head to hear a knock on the door, biting your lip as you contemplated answering it. You clearly weren't in the right state of mind to be speaking with anyone. If it was one of your neighbors, such as Brooke or Joey, you were sure they would come back again later, which would give you time to actually compose yourself. You heard silence again, the knocking stopped and you thought it was over, hopping off the counter to go change before you heard the knocking pick up again, you frowned, grabbing the dagger that Dean had given you after helping you learn more about self defense. You held the dagger firmly in your hand, you were out of practice at fighting, it left  you unnerved as you crept to the door. "Who's there?" you yelled, and what you heard after that left a shock to your system. You threw the door open without a second thought, grabbed the hand nearest to you and sliced a cut across the skin, seeing blood but nothing more. You looked up to see what you could only pray to be the very human Sam Winchester. A bright smile lit across your face. "Sam what are you doing here?" I asked, not even remotely paying attention to the fact that you were wearing nothing but Deans old black t shirt and a pair of socks. That's when you saw him, standing beside Sam, his green eyes littered with guilt, his expression almost longing, the same stature, the same expressions the same beautiful green eyes. "Dean?"

[imsvg]

Finding You chapter 3: meeting

Fandom: Hibike! Euphonium/Sound! Euphonium Pairings:  Kumiko/Reina; Natsuki/Yuuko; implied Asuka/Kaori/Haruka; Nozomi/Mizore; Hazuki/Shuuichi Summary:  Two years have passed since Reina left after their second-year. Two years have passed and Kumiko is now a freshman in college. Two years have passed and she receives a letter from Reina. Two years have passed but something Kumiko thought she lost is making its way to her. Words: 6.3k+ Previous Chapters: 1 | 2 Links: FF is here! AO3 is here!

i recc reading it on AO3. oh, and sorry for not updating yesterday lmao

“You didn’t sleep?”

Kumiko’s gaze went from staring out the train window to Natsuki. She was resting her head atop a sleeping Yuuko’s, whose ribbon flaps fell over her eyes like rabbit ears.

“No,” Kumiko said as she hugged her duffel bag closer to her. “I’m not that tired.”

Natsuki let out a noise as she rubbed one of her eyes. “Well, that’s one of us. Yuuko and I packed last minute, so we ended up pulling an all-nighter packing.”

“Maybe you should have done it earlier,” Kumiko said with an amused smile. Natsuki’s glare didn’t faze her.

“Ah, shaddup. I’ve heard enough of that from Yuuko last night.” She covered her mouth to stifle a yawn.

Kumiko chuckled, and turned her head to look out the window again. The suburban scenery was blurring together like forgotten memories. Soon, the gray buildings grew sparser and sparser until they gave way to green pastures and an open blue sky, the sun rising just above the horizon of faraway hills.

Nostalgia hit her in the chest when she remembered the first time Reina took her to Mount Daikichi.

She wanted to hop on a train to an unknown destination, Kumiko recalled. We never did that, did we?

Maybe you will, one day, Something said.

“That paper yours?” Natsuki said, pulling Kumiko out of her thoughts.

Kumiko peered over her luggage and saw that one of Reina’s letters had slipped out of her bag. “Ah, thanks,” she said as she bent over to pick the letter off the floor.

“I’m assumin’ that’s from Reina.”

“Yeah. I got it yesterday.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Kumiko took a quick glance at the letter, skimming through the words for important details. A number was scribbled on the bottom of the page. The sight of it made Kumiko’s heart jolt, and for a moment, she felt like she was back in high school, anticipation shaking her nerves at the mere thought of hearing Reina’s voice through the phone.

A snort made Kumiko jump.

She looked over the letter to see Natsuki grinning at her. With the way her hair framed her face, she looked like the personification of mischief, and Kumiko didn’t like the sight of it.

“Wh-what?” She asked, failing to sound casual.

Natsuki’s grin grew bigger, and she shook her head. “Nothing.”

Kumiko’s lips curled into a frown. “Doesn’t seem like nothing.”

“Well, it’s just”—Natsuki paused to chuckle—”for a moment, I thought we were back in high school.”

“Why’s that?”

“You had that look in your eyes. The one where your eyes would kind of dim yet sparkle at the same time whenever you spoke about or saw Reina. I always thought it was a mix of admiration or somethin’, but now that I know about everythin’ that happened between you”—Natsuki’s expression melted into one of gentle understanding—”that was one of love, huh?”

Kumiko felt a stitch on her heart snap. Natsuki’s gaze suddenly felt heavy, and Kumiko had to look out the train window to alleviate the weight.

“…Did I say too much?”

Kumiko shook her head. “No. It’s just when you said that, I just…remembered how much I really missed her.” The sensation of tears began to burn the back of her eyes, and she had to blink rapidly to keep them at bay. “I’m kind of scared to see to her again,” she added quietly.

“Even though you’ve been talkin’ to her?”

“Yeah. Kinda stupid, huh?”

“Nah, I don’t think so.”

Kumiko looked at Natsuki, who was wearing the smallest of smiles. “Really?”

“Really. Talking to the person you love face-to-face is a completely different experience. Compared to writing out what you feel, it’s a whole lot harder. Or, in my opinion it is. It’s easier to choke up, you know?”

Kumiko nodded slowly, and a crooked smile made its way onto her face. “Yeah. I did that all the time whenever I was alone with Reina.”

Natsuki chuckled as she brushed a strand of Yuuko’s hair behind her ear. “I feel that.”

“That’s not surprising. You always choke up when you’re sentimental.” Kumiko smiled as the memory of Natsuki gross-sobbing in front of the entire band during their farewell banquet came to mind.

“Doesn’t everyone?”

Kumiko hummed, and quietly watched as Natsuki twined her fingers with Yuuko’s. She could feel Jealousy’s flames burning the underside of her gut.

Must be nice to have someone like that, Jealousy said. Kumiko felt a bitter taste fill her mouth. She turned her head towards the window, suddenly feeling like an outsider observing a world that only Natsuki and Yuuko inhabited.

“You should go and sleep,” Kumiko heard Natsuki say gently. “I’ll keep watch for our stop.”

Kumiko let out a small noise of confirmation and closed her eyes. She caught the noise of rustling, followed by quiet conversation, the voices belonging to Natsuki and a husky Yuuko. Their words sounded far away, and Kumiko felt the distinct feeling of Loneliness burying itself in her chest.

As she slipped into unconsciousness, Kumiko noticed that her hand felt unbearably cold.

-X-

you never said it aloud but

you loved holding her hand

because it gave you

security

comfort

understanding

even if nothing was

said between the both of you

she understood the

love that spilled from the

heart you held in your palm,

transferring its warmth to your fingertips

that intertwined around hers

in an intimate embrace that only

lovers knew

sometimes it was her who reached out first

sometimes it was you

but once your hands touched there was

warmth

patience

kindness

the formula for love

and everything nice

was something you held in your hand

it’s no wonder that

the moment she left

your fingers felt

cold

empty

alone

-X-

“We’re lucky we made it out on time, considering how you were out like a rock,” Yuuko said, shooting Kumiko a look. Kumiko gave a sheepish smile and scratched the back of her neck.

“Sorry, senpai,” she said with a chuckle.

“So much for not being tired, huh?” Natsuki said, prodding Kumiko’s side with her elbow.

“She probably pulled an all-nighter packing.” Yuuko flicked her glare in Natsuki’s direction. “Like a certain someone—”

Natsuki sighed and rolled her eyes. “You’re still on about that?”

Yuuko bristled and stomped up to Natsuki. “Of course I’m still on about that!”

Taking this as a sign to leave, Kumiko made brief eye contact with Natsuki and pointed over her shoulder with her thumb. Natsuki gave an ‘okay’ sign before turning her attention back to an angry Yuuko.

Kumiko briskly walked away, her strides as long as she could make them. She weaved through the crowd, muttering quiet apologizes under her breath when her bag slammed into someone on accident.

Finally, after many collisions and apologies, Kumiko found herself outside the train station. She inhaled, taking in the scent of street food and the river, taking in the scent of home. She held her breath for a split second before exhaling, an easy smile finding its way onto her lips. She took in the sight of the Uji River, taking in the familiar sight of home she took for granted when she was younger.

“I’m home,” she mumbled.

“Kumiko?”

“Gwah!” Kumiko jumped and looked around. “Who’s tha—oh.” She furrowed her face into a scowl. “It’s you.”

The slight smile on Shuuichi’s face, which now bolstered the faint beginnings of a beard, turned into a slight frown. “Nice to see you, too.”

“You shopping?” Kumiko asked, glancing at the plastic bag he held.

“Eh, somethin’ like that. Mom asked me to run some errands for her.” Shuuichi shrugged and continued walking to his original destination. Kumiko followed; her house was in the same direction, anyways.

“You still live with her?” Kumiko asked.

“That a problem?”

“No. It’s cute.”

Shuuichi clicked his tongue. Kumiko noticed the tips of his ears turning red. “Sh-shut up.”

“What’s new?”

“Nothing much. Got out of school.”

“Same. What’s your major?”

“Went in undeclared.”

“Looks like we’re in the same boat. For once.”

Shuuichi chuckled. “Looks like we can actually get along if we try.”

“Don’t push it, Shuushit.”

“Ouch. I forgot how much I missed that nickname.”

Kumiko let out a laugh. “Glad to bring back old memories.”

“What’re you doing back here? Here for the Agata Festival?”

Kumiko shrugged. “Somethin’ like that. Hazuki-chan told me to come back for summer vacation, since it’s the Agata Festival. Plus I haven’t been home in a while.”

Shuuichi snorted. “I’d say it’s been more than a while.”

Kumiko hummed. “Say, speaking of a while”—she looked at Shuuichi, and for the first time, noticed the faint outline of bags under his eyes—”Hazuki-chan told me that you two have been together for a while.”

“I-is that so?” Shuuichi asked, his face and ears turning beet red. “W-when?”

“Over the phone several weeks ago.”

“H-huh….”

“Are you…okay? You look like you’re ready to pass out.” Kumiko furrowed her eyebrows together.

“Ah, well,” Shuuichi began, scratching the back of his neck, “it’s—hm—I’m still trying to get used to it, you know?”

“Being in a relationship?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

A silence settled between the both of them, but a question weighed heavily on Kumiko’s mind. It tickled the tip of her tongue, trying to slip past her lips, but she didn’t dare open her mouth; she didn’t want to say something she would regret.

Her struggle seemed to show on her face, since Shuuichi said, “You know, if you have something you want to ask, you can go ahead and ask.”

Kumiko opened her mouth, then closed it like a fish.

“Go ahead,” Shuuichi urged.

“Mind if I’m honest?”

“If you weren’t, you wouldn’t be Kumiko.”

Her lips quirked into a small smile that disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. “Do you really like Hazuki-chan? Like, honestly?”

“What makes you say that?”

Answering a question with a question; a sign of a guilty man, Logic deduced.

“Well…I just remembered back in high school when you rejected her, is all. What made you come back ‘round?” Kumiko asked.

“…Mind if I’m honest with you?”

“‘Course.”

“I honestly don’t know.” Shuuichi let out a heavy exhale and scratched the back of his neck. “Like, she’s a great person, really. While, admittedly, she isn’t all that bright, she has a big heart, big ambitions, and well, she’s really cute, you know? Even back in high school, I always thought she was cute. But I never thought of her in that way because…you know….”

Kumiko allowed Shuuichi’s words to die in the air, letting the breeze whisk them away to places unknown. The wind left silence in its wake, along with a faint memory of the summer of their second-year.

Shuuichi confessed to her then. Standing beside the river, with the sun painting the sky with oranges and pinks, it was the picture-perfect moment for love to blossom between two people.

Kumiko and Shuuichi weren’t those people.

“…Sorry, Shuuichi,” Kumiko said, just above a whisper. A pang of sympathy struck her heart.

“No, it’s okay. It’s been almost two years now,” Shuuchi said. He added a chuckle at the end, but Kumiko could still hear the hurt in his voice. “I should be over it.”

“But you’re not.” It was more of a statement than a question.

Shuuichi said nothing.

“Is…that why you began dating Hazuki-chan in the first place? As a rebound?”

“Partially.” Shuuichi turned to Kumiko. “Does that make me a scumbag?”

A crooked smile pulled on Kumiko’s lips. “I would say yes, but I would have probably done the same if I had the heart to.”

His face turned into one of understanding. “You still not over Reina?”

“It’s hard to get over your first love.”

Shuuichi chuckled, and Kumiko swore she heard bitterness in his voice. “You’re right about that,” he muttered quietly.

An uncomfortable silence fell between them, but luckily for Kumiko, they approached the intersection where she knew they had to part ways.

“My house is this way,” Kumiko said, pointing to the right.

Shuuichi smiled crookedly. “Surprised you remember where it is.”

“Shut up, Shuushit.”

He laughed and raised his hand in farewell. “I’ll see you later, then.”

Kumiko did the same, and began her stride again.

“Wait.”

Kumiko stopped and turned around. Shuuichi was looking at her, a serious glint in his eyes.

“…Yes?” Kumiko asked.

“You…don’t have to worry about me hurting Hazuki.” He said nothing, as if waiting for confirmation to continue. Kumiko gave it in the form of a nod. “Because, honestly, every time I’m with her…I’m very, very happy.” He broke his stoic mask with a small, sincere smile, and for a moment, Kumiko was taken aback.

Who knew that the pathetic, aloof Shuuichi she grew up with could make such an expression?

“That’s good,” Kumiko finally said with a small smile. “That’s really good.”

Shuuichi’s smile turned awkward, and with a brief nod, turned to cross the street. Kumiko watched him disappear into the crowd, Gram’s words echoed in her head.

Love finds its way.

As she turned around to make her way to her house, Kumiko found herself wondering when love would find its way back to her.

-X-

“I’m home!” Kumiko called out, kicking off her shoes at the doorfront. The running water that was playing in the background was shut off, and Kumiko’s mother shuffled into view, wiping her hands on a rag.

“You’re back!” Akiko exclaimed, her eyes widening with surprise before it melted into a warm smile. Kumiko replied with one of her own, and welcomed her mother’s embrace with open arms. Kumiko took a breath, taking in the faint scent of caramelized sugar that clung to her mother wherever she went.

An ache prodded at Kumiko’s heart when she realized how much she missed her family.

“You should have told us that you were coming back! I would have cleaned up!” Kumiko laughed and blocked herself from Akiko’s playful swats.

“Sorry, sorry,” Kumiko said, “but I kind of decided to come back last minute. Plus I thought it would be a good surprise, you know?”

Her mother shook her head, chuckling. “God, look at you,” she breathed out, taking Kumiko’s face in her calloused, yet warm hands. She scrutinized Kumiko’s visage, and Kumiko did the same. She noticed the gray streaks now tainting her mother’s black hair, the deepening eye bags, and the faint lines of wrinkles setting in.

She’s gotten older, Kumiko thought.

A wave of despondency rose up in her throat, but Kumiko forced it down when she saw her mother’s smile grow even larger.

“You’re so beautiful….” Akiko brushed a strand of hair behind her ear, a gesture she did so many times before. “No words can describe how much I missed you,” she added quietly, her eyes glazing over with sadness.

Kumiko could only reply with a small smile; she didn’t trust herself to say her sentiments aloud, lest she break down crying. Clearing her throat, she changed the subject with a quick, “Where’s Dad?” and peered over her mother’s shoulder.

“He’s still at work. But how about you put your stuff in your room, and then help me with dinner, hm?” Kumiko nodded, and the both of them went their separate ways.

The door to her old room creaked its welcome when Kumiko opened it. Peering inside, she noticed that her room was as exactly as she had left it two years ago; unsettlingly clean, save for the thin film of dust in the nooks and crannies of her room.

As Kumiko put her duffel bag down on her bed, she had the distinct feeling that something felt off, yet so familiar at the same time, like she was reuniting with an old friend.

Maybe this is what Reina felt when she visited Kitauji, Something whispered in her mind.

She pushed the thought aside and exited her room.

Kumiko shut the door behind her, and noticed that the door to her sister’s room was slightly ajar. Peering through the crack, she saw that the sheets on Mamiko’s bed were mussed and crooked.

“Is Nee-chan back?” Kumiko asked once she entered the kitchen.

Akiko shook her head, never taking her eyes off the tomatoes she was mincing. “Someone used her room for lodging for several days. They just left so I need to clean her room up.”

A bitter taste hit the back of Kumiko’s throat. “Is…is that so?”

Akiko hummed, giving Kumiko an onion to peel. “She hasn’t been home for a while. You know that, Kumiko.”

“Yeah,” she mumbled, “I know.” Once she finished peeling, Kumiko grabbed a knife from the drawer in front of her. “Has she contacted you at all since I left?” She asked, chopping the onion in half.

“She sent a letter a week ago.”

A sense of déjà vu came over Kumiko. “Did she? What did she say?”

“Mm, she said she was doing well,” Akiko said after a while, “and that she doesn’t regret leaving college to pursue make-up. She’s been training under this beautician in…Osaka, I believe? It’s essentially a paid internship, and once she finishes that, she plans on opening her own beauty shop.”

Kumiko blinked back tears as she sliced the onion into paper-thin strips. “Really? Where?”

“Somewhere.”

“Have you guys replied?”

“No, not yet. We’ve been too busy. Plus, your father is a proud man; he still has a hard time accepting what happened.”

“It’s been more than three years.”

“Exactly my point.”

For a moment, the sound of knives hitting the cutting board was the only sound that filled the silence.

“She also asked how you were,” Akiko finally said.

Kumiko ignored how her heart lurched in her chest. “Really?”

“Mm.”

“Maybe I’ll call her later.”Kumiko said, her quiet words being drowned out by the loud sizzling filling the air as she poured the onions into the pan.

“You should. She says she misses and loves you.”

While she was sautéing, Kumiko had to pause to wipe away the tears rolling down her cheeks.

As she did so, she told herself she was crying because of the onions and nothing else.

-X-

Call Transcript

Kumiko Oumae → Mamiko Oumae

6:34 PM

MO: Hello?

KO: Nee-chan?

MO: Oh, Kumiko! You’re still alive?

KO: [laughs] Surprisingly. How’ve you been?

MO: Good, tired. [yawns] You?

KO: I’m alright. I’m on break now.

MO: Yeah? You doing anything interesting?

KO: Well, I went back home since Hazuki-chan told me to visit. Plus the Agata Festival is coming up.

MO: Ooh, that does sound like fun.

KO: Mm.

[Silence]

MO: Was there…a reason why you called me?

KO: A-ah, uh, mm—kind of?

MO: If you’re trying to ask me to come home, I’m not going to.

KO: I—I figured as much. [Pause] Nee-chan?

MO: Mm?

KO: Are you ever going to come back? To Uji?

MO: Did Mom tell you about the letter?

KO: Yeah. She told me that you were training in Osaka, and that you plan on opening your own shop one day.

MO: [laughs] Oh, good. So they did get the letter after all.

KO: Why?

MO: Don’t tell them this, but I’m planning on opening it in Uji.

KO: Is it to spite Dad?

MO: Kind of. [chuckles] And, you know, to show him that I actually did it. I want him to know that I’m not some…washed-up college dropout, you know? That I actually have ambitions and passions, and I’m going to follow them. Even if it means not being that perfect daughter that they imagined.

KO: [chuckles] It’s kind of weird hearing you say that.

MO: Why’s that?

KO: Because you were so adamant whenever you spoke to me about school. You always told me to study hard and get into a good college so that I can do well in the future.

MO:  Times change. And, honestly, part of me did that so that I could hurt you.

KO: Yeah…?

MO: It might be because you’re the younger sibling, but I always thought that Mom and Dad treated you differently. They gave you everything, you know? Even if you wanted to pursue band in high school, they allowed you. Me? They basically told me to give it up so that I can be a rolemodel for you. I always thought that was unfair.

KO: Because that is unfair.

MO: [laughs] Glad to know you have my back.

KO: You don’t—you know—hate me, do you?

MO: What? Of course not! I love you to bits, Kumiko. Remember that.

KO: [quietly] I love you, too….

MO: Don’t cry on me, yet. We just started the call.

KO: [strained laughter] I’m trying. [sniffles]

MO: Good. So, changing topics, how’s college life?

KO: Mm, it’s okay, I guess? I’ve met new people and made new friends, so that’s a thing.

MO: Looks like my little sister’s finally spreading her wings.

KO: Leave me alone.

MO: You’re the one who called. [laughs] Are you still in band?

KO: Mmm, no. I didn’t know my college had one, so I didn’t audition. But next semester I will.

MO: That’s good. You’ve been practicing?

KO: When I have the time. [chuckles] I actually do the exercises that you taught me when I was in elementary.

MO: Do you?

KO: Yeah. The duck thing, H-factor, those things.

MO: [laughs] The hell’s the duck thing?

KO: You know, where you buzz your lips together to form the embouchure and you sound like a duck?

MO: Oh, that! [laughs louder] You’re very creative with your names.

KO: Shut up.

MO: Mm, you know, I’ve been thinking about picking up an instrument again.

KO: Yeah?

MO: Yeah.

KO: Are you going to do trombone again?

MO: No, I don’t think so. [chuckles] I live in a small apartment, so brass instruments would be too loud and bulky. And I don’t know if I want to play a concert instrument either. Maybe—maybe piano. Or guitar, you know? Something I can somewhat self-teach myself.

KO: I can see you playing piano, actually.

MO: Really?

KO: Yeah. You would look refined playing.

MO: If refined means messy buns, oversized T-shirts, and sweatpants, then yeah, I can totally see myself as refined.

KO: [laughs]

MO: Hey, Kumiko?

KO: Mm?

MO: You really inspire me, sometimes.

KO: [chuckles nervously] What’s with this, all of a sudden?

MO: It’s not really all of a sudden. I’ve always wanted to say it. It’s just—I don’t know—my pride got in the way. I was still bitter about everything. Watching you work so hard during your first year in high school to go to Nationals was one of the main reasons why I had the audacity to go through with chasing after my dream of becoming a beautician. So, thank you, Kumiko.

KO: [sniffles loudly] I—I r-really l-love you, y-y’know?

MO: Oh, don’t c-cry. [clears throat]

KO: A-am I g-going to make you c-cry? [laughs shakily]

MO: I-if you keep this up, maybe. [strained laughter]

KO: [voice cracking] G-God, I miss you s-so much.

MO: Same….

KO: A-and I—I love you.

MO: You already s-said that. [laughter followed by sniffles]

KO: D-don’t ever give up on y-your dream, okay? Promise?

MO: I should be t-telling you that. [chuckles]

KO: Promise?

MO: Only if you don’t either.

KO: I p-promise.

MO: Good. [sniffles, and then with disgust] Oh God, my mascara is running down my face.

KO: [strained laughter] Gross!

MO: [sighs] Oh, well, it’s whatever. It’s the end of the day, anyways. [Pause] Keep in touch, okay, Kumiko?

KO: Only if you will.

MO: Promise I will.

KO: Then, I promise I will, too.

MO: Talk to you later then, yeah?

KO: Yeah.

MO: Love you.

KO: Love you, too.

Call End

7:12 PM

-X-

Despite what Hazuki said about reconnecting with other people, Kumiko found herself spending most of her time inside her house. She only went outside to get the mail, run errands for her parents, or to take a short walk around the block when the reruns of television became too boring for her to handle.

It was on her fourth day back in Uji when Kumiko decided to venture off and explore the rest of the town.

Uji, for the most part, stayed the same. While there were many unfamiliar faces to Kumiko, she didn’t mind them at all. She paid most of her attention at the scenery of Uji: the green trees, the breathtaking sight of the Uji River at sundown, the familiar shops and skyline, the knowing smiles some of the elderly gave her whenever she greeted them. All of it filled Kumiko with a sense of nostalgia, and she savored the “flavor of familiarity” as Reina had described it.

That taste got especially overwhelming when she found herself standing in front of Kitauji.

The distinct feeling Kumiko felt when she first entered her room hit her again. Taking tentative steps onto campus and into the empty building, Kumiko swore she could hear the clamor and conversation of students ringing in her ears. Memory after memory came back to her as she walked the barren hallways, passing by her old classrooms with small smiles as she remembered the countless times Hazuki tripped over herself to get to her seat as fast as she could so she wouldn’t be tardy. Her smile grew somber when she walked past the staircase that led up to the roof, a haven she shared with Reina when they felt like ditching class to sneak kisses or quiet secrets with one another.

She stopped when she heard motion coming from the teacher’s lounge.

Peering in through the half-opened door, she saw a man with a familiar head of shaggy hair sitting at a desk, his glasses reflecting his computer screen.

“Taki-sensei?” She called out.

The man looked up, adjusting his eyeglasses as he did so. A grin crept onto Kumiko’s face as she raised her hand in greeting, and stepped into the lounge.

“Ah, Oumae-san,” Taki greeted, rising from his chair. Kumiko noticed gray hairs peppering his black hair, and how the dull glow in his eyes made him look even more exhausted. “A pleasant surprise.”

“I’m surprised you remember me,” Kumiko said with a small smile.

“I remember effective leadership in my band.” Taki smiled. “You were a wonderful president.”

A flush of pride swelled in Kumiko’s chest, and she awkwardly bowed. “A-ah—mm—thank you.”

“May I ask what I did to deserve this visit?”

“I’m back in Uji for the Agata Festival, and I decided to take a walk around town. I found myself here out of coincidence, honestly.” She chuckled. “I guess I subconsciously followed my old route to school.”

Taki let out a breath of amusement. “I see.”

“I—mm—I heard you were leaving at the end of this school year.”

“From Kousaka-san, I assume?”

Kumiko ignored how her stomach rolled when she heard Reina’s name. “Yeah.”

“She’s taken on quite the challenge,” Taki began as he readjusted his glasses, “but I have faith that she will be successful.”

Kumiko’s smile grew crooked. “I’m sure she’ll be glad to hear that,” she muttered quietly, memories of Reina’s intense obsession with Taki coming back to her.

“Oh, before I forget”—Taki rummaged around his cluttered desk, and pulled out a disc sleeve with a purple Post-It on top—”Kousaka-san wanted me to give you this. She told me that you were planning on visiting the school, but she didn’t know when that was going to be. It’s the Sunrise Festival from this year.”

Kumiko took it, and saw FOR KUMIKO scribbled on the Post-It in Reina’s handwriting. “Thank you,” she said with a small bow.

“It’s been wonderful seeing you,” Taki began, “but I’m afraid I must ask you to leave. I have a lot of work ahead of me.”

Kumiko nodded. “I understand.”

An urge to leap out and hug Taki overcame her, but Kumiko suppressed it and shuffled out of the lounge, making sure to slide the door shut behind her. As she walked down the hall, she stopped in front of the staircase that led to the roof.

How about it? Something asked. For old time’s sake?

With tentative steps, Kumiko climbed the staircase, stepping over the yellow KEEP OUT tape that blocked the next case of stairs. The door to the roof creaked with protest, but Kumiko ignored it. A strong breeze welcomed her by running its fingers through her hair as she made her way to the railing.

The heat made waves dance in the distance, but that didn’t stop Kumiko from enjoying the view. People and cars came and went underneath, cicadas rang in the distance, a jet flew overhead, and the Uji River flowed as always. It was a familiar sight, one she saw countless times during her highschool years, but this time, Kumiko saw it through the lens of nostalgia. A part of her wished to go back in time, to relive those years in highschool, just so that she could appreciate the sights around her a little bit more.

-X-

Kumiko blew off the dust off her DVD player. The dust rose up in a gray cloud, and she accidentally inhaled some of the dust. She sputtered and coughed as she inserted the disc Taki gave her earlier that day, tears in her eyes.

“O-oh G-God,” Kumiko cried out as she fell into another coughing fit. “When was the last time anyone used you?”

The DVD player whirred to life, completely ignoring her question.

Not taking it to heart, Kumiko turned on the TV. She backed up, watching the screen flicker to life, and sat down on the couch. The simple view of a road and hundreds of people greeted her, but soon enough, the crowd erupted into cheers.

Two people holding a banner that said KITAUJI HIGH SCHOOL with Tuba-kun and Eupho-kun printed on the sides marched into view, and Kumiko heard the faint fanfare of the trumpets in the distance.

“Here they come,” said the person filming.

And sure enough, the Kitauji Band came into view.

If she was standing up, Kumiko would have doubled over. She was astounded by the sheer size of the band; Reina wasn’t kidding when she said that the band nearly doubled in size. Lined up in almost perfect rows, the band marched, the color guard flanking the band at four row intervals. Kumiko watched with awe as their legs moved in unison, their legs lining up and meeting the ground together. Their aura was refined and confident, a far cry from the band Kumiko joined when she was a first-year in high school.

Their professional-like appearance was certainly a sight to behold, but it was their sound that floored Kumiko.

The brass was loud and powerful, providing a solid foundation for the rest of the band. The percussion, despite their complex rhythms and strokes, stayed together, both musically and visually, keeping the band on beat and on step. The mid- and high-winds were delicate, with their trills and runs dancing around the percussive beats and resounding bass, yet held conviction, especially during their accented half notes.

Soon, the band moved on, the reverb of the brass the only thing they left behind. The cameraperson aimed the camera down the road, even when the band had disappeared beyond the horizon.

“They’ve grown so much,” the person said with all the pride in the world. “I’m sure she would have been proud.”

Kumiko broke into a smile when she finally recognized the voice.

“All thanks to you, Taki-sensei,” she mumbled.

-X-

Kumiko didn’t know what possessed her to text Reina that night, but before she knew what was happening, she had already sent the text.

9:02 PM

kumiko: hello?

is this reina’s number?

reina: Yes, this is her.

May I ask who this is?

kumiko: oh, right lol

it’s kumiko

reina: Oh, Kumiko.

So my letter did reach you.

kumiko: yeah lol

sorry for not replying sooner

honestly i didn’t know if i was supposed to send you a letter or smth

since you gave me your phone number

reina: Well, I gave you my number for a reason, didn’t I?

kumiko: yeah i guess you’re right lol

reina: I guess it’s safe to assume you’re back in Uji?

kumiko: came back several days ago, actually

reina: Really?

kumiko: yeah lol

took a couple of days to get settled into my house

feels weird coming back home after a couple of years

reina: I understand that sentiment.

Is there a reason why you texted me?

kumiko: well, uh, i visited kitauji

reina: Did you? When?

kumiko: earlier today

reina: Time?

kumiko: um…

sometime past noon? like one or two?

reina: That means you probably met Taki-sensei, then.

He’s usually in teacher’s lounge around that time working out lesson plans for the upcoming band camp.

kumiko: that explains why he was there lol

i thought it was kind of strange of him to be there alone

he looks a lot older, actually

reina: I’ve noticed that, too.

The stress of teaching is getting to him, I think.

kumiko: it was bound to hit him sooner or later

reina: Unfortunately…

kumiko: he gave me the cd that you wanted me to have

reina: Did he?

Did you watch it?

kumiko: yeah i did

he sounds like such a proud dad in the video

reina: Can you blame him?

The band has grown so much under his tutelage.

He might be harsh at times, but he really does care for his students.

kumiko: yeah, he does

reina: If I’m being honest, I don’t know if I can live up to that…

He set such a high expectation.

kumiko: whoa

is the assured reina i knew from my high school years actually showing insecurity??????

reina: Why are you like this.

kumiko: sorry, lol

i couldn’t help myself

but you know, he trusts you a lot

and he thinks that you’ll do a great job once he leaves

reina: Did he?

kumiko: he did

and you know, i think you’ll do a great job too

reina: whoa

is the secretive kumiko i knew from my high school years actually showing emotion??????

kumiko: okay, fine

touché

bonus points for doing my typing style

reina: I do what I must.

kumiko: but i really mean it, you know?

reina: I know you do.

Thank you, Kumiko.

kumiko: dw about it

reina: Have you visited Mt. Daikichi recently?

kumiko: no, why?

did it somehow change or something?

reina: No, I was just wondering.

kumiko: do you visit daikichi?

reina: Yes.

When I’m stressed, I walk up the mountain and go to our old place, and I just look out at the view.

kumiko: yeah?

reina: Yeah.

The view’s just as I remember it.

kumiko: nothing inherently different about it?

reina: Unlike most things, no.

There’s nothing inherently different about it.

kumiko: maybe i should go visit it sometime

for old time’s sake

reina: You should.

kumiko: maybe

i’ll probably go during the agata festival

make it even more magical

reina: Speaking of the Agata Festival…

Are you still planning on spending the night with Kawashima-san?

kumiko: oh, midori?

i’m actually not sure

reina: I see…

kumiko: why?

reina: Well, if you didn’t have any plans, then…

I was wondering if you would like to go with me.

kumiko: wow this conversation brings back some old memories

reina: It’s a yes or no question, just answer it.

kumiko: lol yes, i’ll go w/ you reina

reina: Okay, good.

Then shall we meet at the base of Mt. Daikichi? At the Agata Festival?

kumiko: sounds like a plan

reina: It’s gotten pretty late.

kumiko: it’s only 9 reina what are you talking about

reina: Technically, it’s 9:56, making it closer to 10.

kumiko: but it’s still 9 so therefore it’s 9

reina: I’m not arguing about this with you.

kumiko: b/c i won

reina: When did you turn into Asuka?

kumiko: :)

reina: …

I’ll take this as a sign to take my leave.

I have to wake up early to help Taki-sensei make the final touches for summer camp.

kumiko: okay

see you at the agata festival, then?

reina: Yes.

See you then.

Kumiko sighed, the goofy grin on her face never fading as she did so. She felt like she was back in high school, texting Reina until one of them decided that it was time to sleep. It was such a liberating feeling to have such an easygoing conversation with her again, Kumiko wondered why she was ever scared to speak with Reina again.

It’s because you don’t want to know why she left in the first place.

The thought was sudden and it hit Kumiko hard, like a sudden punch in the gut. Her mirth evaporated into the air, taking her grin with it. A chilly feeling settled in her chest, and began to spread throughout her body.

It’s because you’re scared to find out that your relationship was nothing but a fling to her.

An ache pierced her heart. Kumiko began to chew on her bottom lip, trying to hold the tears back.

It’s because—

The sudden vibration coming from her phone startled her. Kumiko took a moment to collect her rattled nerves before she looked at the notification.

It was an audio recording from Reina.

A bit confused but mostly afraid, Kumiko unlocked her phone and played it.

“Good night, Kumiko.”

Kumiko felt her anxieties melt away the moment she heard Reina’s voice. Her heart leapt at the sound, beating hard and fast against her ribcage.

She forgot how beautiful Reina’s voice sounded.

As she raised her phone to her mouth, Something whispered Gram’s words into her ear.

If she came back in the first place, it must mean something, hm?

That was enough to bring back Kumiko’s grin.

“Good night, Reina.”