#guess i’m single again.
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I swear to god I have a curse that anyone I introduce to my family breaks up with me within a month afterwards
#shhh sharkie#guess i’m single again.#i always feel so much more strongly than anyone else#perpetually on the other side of ‘it’s not you it’s me’#or if it is me it’s that they’re icked out by how much I love them yknow?#it’s fine. it’s fine. it’s whatever.#i’m going home.#I’m just not allowed to introduce anyone to my family until I’m three days away from getting married.#literally every single person I’ve dated that I’ve introduced to my family. a month later they break up with me.#like to the calendar date!!! she came to my sister’s wedding last month on the 7th to the 9th!!!!!#it’s past midnight now cause i’m home but she broke up with me on the 9th. literally a calendar month.#I just. everytime I get something good something else good in my life has to break.#I’m not allowed to have more than [x] amount of things going well for me at any given time
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🙃
#just want to apologize to anyone who has tried to reach out lately#just like I texted my friend I’ll tell you guys the same#haven’t been talking to a lot of people lately tbh#pretty sure I’ve mentioned php a few times by now#monday was my last day#and I was feeling on top of the world on Monday#I don’t remember the last time I was so genuinely happy#figured it was the med change or something#so I was feeling pretty optimistic#I’m in between programs now#and today was not the best#not as bad as some of my days#but definitely not even near the day I had on Monday#I just wish I could feel that every single day#I’m working on it but still#waiting to start ‘adult day treatment’ and case management#and I think case management will help me find a place??? I’m not sure exactly but that’s kinda what I was getting#which honestly? I know I’ve bitched about how badly I need to move#but while I was in php I realized I don’t think I’ll truly be able to heal while I’m living here… and that’s a scary thought#idk there’s a lot more deeper things that I don’t wanna talk about#but the fact I don’t have space and I don’t feel safe and comfortable here is hard….#my ‘safe’ space was my car but now that I’m trying to quit smoking my car isn’t the best place for me#I’ve been kinda getting used to my room and I’m finally trying to move a few things around#(now that I have a little energy again)#it’s just……. my arachnophobia is KILLING me here#in the past week I don’t even know how many spiders I’ve seen and killed#they haven’t been crazy and I recognize I don’t live in Australia or places where the spiders are as big as fucking cars#I came home and I was in a good mood until I saw a spider in my room 🙃🙃🙃 tried to vacuum it but not sure if I got it……..#so guess im sleeping on the couch….. again…. but can’t help think if out here is any better…#shut up rosie
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the fact that people around my age are getting engaged is INSANE
#i know i shouldn’t be one to judge bc i’m a single pringle#but like#y’all are 21 22 23 years old and y’all already thinking about MARRIAGE#meanwhile i’m thinking about how tomorrow’s gonna go#i just feel like this generation (especially people in relationships) are rushing everything#I SWEAR THAT Y’ALL HAVE TIME#Y’ALL ARE IN COLLEGE#JUST ENJOY WHERE YOU ARE NOW#idk it just doesn’t sit right with me#i’m not trying to come off as unsupportive or anything but it’s just so early in adulthood that i’m like#what the fuck are you guys doing LMAO#ok anyway#that’s all i had to say#only because i saw an IG post today from a girl that goes to my university and she got engaged to her boyfriend in disney world#girlie you’re 21😭#AND SHE LITERALLY BOUGHT A FREAKIN HOUSE WITH HIM#MY MOM WOULD KILL ME IF I DID THAT#idk if anyone else is noticing this but again#it might just be me#just had to get this off my chest#abby’s announcements#<-i guess
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>.<
#tw clari overshares#i really need to start making new friends on here and being more active#but the issue is just the mere *thought* of that fucking terrifies me#just typing out that single sentence has my heart pounding and my hands shaking and my stomach churning#i really wish i was kidding or over-exaggerating#i want so badly to make new friends and be active in a little community on here again#but i’m so so so scared#(of what?????????? of what!!!!!!!!!!!)#bring me back to 2020 clari who talked to people despite the anxiety and was so damn active and was having an absolute blast!!!#what happened to her!!!!!#she got really sick i guess#it’s crazy like sometimes i just scroll through my archive and i can SEE it#i can see myself getting sicker and sicker and withdrawing more and more#feeding into the fear and letting it win#and now i’m here#in this hole that i’m going to have to claw myself out of IN SPITE OF the terror i feel#i miss being a part of this community so much#i miss being able to post little drabbles willy nilly and not having breakdowns over them not being perfect#NOT obsessing over my own work and flaws it may have#i miss having fun#YES my writing is extremely important to me and YES i want to one day write for a living in some capacity#but since when did that mean i had to cut everyone off??? seclude myself in a protective little bubble???#the only person who can fix this is me#(obviously hahaha)#it’s about time i put on my big girl pant(ie)s and faced that fear head on#i’m so sick of it dominating and controlling so much of my life#why did i let it take something so fucking important to me???#i have to end it!!!#if u got this far in the tags: thank you and i’m sorry for venting#i just feel like i NEED to say this
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Every time I find out that one of my childhood friends is getting married I have to sit on the edge of my bed before I go to bed for about 30-45 minutes taking psychic damage via contemplating the horrific inevitability of the passage of time and battling the feeling that I’ve been left alone playing in the sandbox on the playground
#at least I can’t say I haven’t gone on a single date anymore I guess…but on the front with The Boy I really don’t know how things are going#things have been weird since I saw him and person and I’m terrified#but I’m seeing him again on Friday so I guess we’ll see
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I’d like to thank whatever is up there that literally every single other song in eternal sunshine is better than yes and. Thank you thank you thank you
#like I get why yes and was the single. I guess#but it had me thinking eternal sunshine was gonna be terrible#I’m so happy it doesn’t suck you don’t get it#Ariana grandes music is so fucking good. I don’t want to like her but LORD have you heard positions?#and the songs in eternal sunshine are???? heartbreaking????? beautiful?????? damn that woman#it’s really good I really liked it#ariana grande#as if I’m ever gonna talk about her again#eternal sunshine#eternal sunshine album#Starry speaks
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yeah that’s totally not gonna haunt me for a while. and I totally didn’t lose my mind trying to sleep last night because of it. I wanted the god of stories but not like that man
#marvel#loki spoilers#loki series#loki season 2#loki finale#ruined my life in a single shot#tom hiddleston will do that to you I guess#I hate that he’s fucking ALONE AGAIN#DIDNT WE ESTABLISH AS A COMMUNITY THAT WE DIDNT WANT THAT#what’s mobius gonna do now#i’m so upset#he went “I don’t wanna be alone#they went “WELL GUESS WHAT BUDDY!!
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.
#sigh. puts up the barricades please I do not want to see d.nf on my dash#and again I do have it super filtered#I’m just soooo tired every little thing being HARD LAUNCH HARD LAUNCH until the next thing bc of course that didn’t happen#and life went on as usual#look I get it I’m the minority I’m aroace and easily exhausted by shipping esp real ppl shipping#but it’s times like this I miss the lore fandom bc man the complete focus on platonic dynamics and relationships was so nice#look if they ever actually say they’re dating I guess I’ll eat my words but so far I am not getting the sense that that will ever happen#and so it is extremely annoying to want to follow drm fans and get 90% of One Single Ship#and no sap except as third wheel for said ship#sorry I’m the only one who seems to not care abt George 😭😭 not in a bad way just. he’s fine and funny sometimes I guess but#I Just Don’t Care. and also another thing I need to get off my chest#why do ppl act like George is really shady and passive aggressive and ‘oh he should interact w X person who wronged drm he’d ROAST THEM!’#like huh#George is one of the most Don’t talk about anything be vague be private ppl ever#I’m not saying he hasn’t had his moments of public support for drm but I just don’t get it#(it’s probably because he’s so vague and noncommittal that fans can just project their own feelings onto him)#sigh anyway I’m done that makes me feel better a bit#no tags just venting#<- it’s funny that became my venting tag now that I only vent in tags#bc some things such as this I am afraid to even put under read more lol
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Maybe it’s time to return to single player 🙄
#text#apex has been so addictive to me from the end of s19 onwards#huge changes since then#apex#apex legends#apex trios#might give ranked a go before I leave 👀#think mixtape really helped me get better + used to dying more often lol#now I’m over 100hrs in 👀#tried so hard and maybe not even that far … but in the end … it doesn’t even matter#tbh Skyrim was getting hit repetitive + I’ve done too many side quests before starting bigger main quests 🫣🤡#gaming#gamers#playstation#the getting out my ps4 from storage to buying a ps5 pipeline was wild#new year new PlayStation I guess#not the levelling up before starting main quest line gameplay 😭#skyrim#single player#story games#multiplayer#battle royale#first person shooters#fps#playing multiplayers again kicked started from a msg from an ex fp on psn who asked ‘apex?’#we stopped talking after a bit cos I got too attached again plus he’s not the same … still toxic tho#I’m blocked now on basically everything ✨#plus history of ppl I’ve tried making friends with just pee me off too easily so ✨#I’ll eventually find new ones if I wanna play still
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we broke up, but thankfully it was on good terms and there are no hard feelings
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nothing but respect for my 2nd gf, we tried our best but just weren’t compatible at the end of the day and parted very amicably
my first gf however? I hope she knows that I curse her every day and that on my deathbed I will still hate her for all eternity
#welp guess who’s single again a few days into 2024?#I was the dumper this time so it was my decision#truly tho my second gf is a wonderful person and I wish nothing but the best for her#my first ex tho? I’m her number 1 hater forever and I hope she knows that#why is the worst person u know the first girl u dated?#wlw#lesbian#breakup
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I kind of want to try making mead or ambrosia 👀
Obviously not right now because I have Shit To Do; but maybe during the summer after I’ve moved
#alcohol mention#Apparently you can make mead out of honey and I love honey so of course I have to try it#I want to make more food from scratch so I can reduce my plastic consumption#because my ten-year goal is to convert to a completely anticapitalist zero-waste lifestyle#Just for me… I don’t put pressure on anyone to do the same unless they’re well-off and being ridiculous about their consumption#Except for maybe encouraging people to switch to reusable water bottles if they’re in an area where the tap water is potable#(like where I live)#or flaunting my canvas shopping bag that I got for 5 dollars at a hardware store whenever possible#Okay I guess I do push people a little bit#But it’s all reasonable things directed at people I know are physically mentally and financially able to do those things#or I’ll just casually mention microplastics and pollution in conversation as a “fun fact”#But I’m not ridiculous about it with anyone but myself#I hold myself to some weird standards that I don’t hold others to and I’m fine with it#Obviously it’s the corporations’ faults that everything is the way it is and no single person can make a huge difference#But if everyone does one thing to help the planet; then it might buy us some time to change the system#There is also the issue of supply and demand; if more people reduce plastic intake then less plastic will be produced#But again: it’s very hard to be ethical in this society. EVERYTHING enjoyable is packaged in plastic and it sucks#(ok not literally everything but consider: most candy is wrapped in plastic and clothes have plastic tags and chips are in plastic#sushi is in plastic containers and meat is in shrink wrap or styrofoam and most modern chewing gum is a byproduct of vinyl#toys are packaged in plastic etc. etc.)
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none of my business is meh. saw a post that was like newjeans music is #1 so now jyp has itzy sounding like newjeans which i don’t is true per say. but i don’t think it’s false either.
#waiting for the dance practice bc#UGH. disappointing!!!!! i love my girls truly <3 and they r dance machines#so why r we just so focused on their visuals and singing. girl they’re good but please can i get a SINGLE hard back breaking dance please .#the reason i got into them was bc they have incredible choreography that is like actually good dancing and not just yk. easy moves. 😭#i think loco was their last cb i loved. excluding their japanese cbs bc those?? incredible. let’s bring that energy!!!!#it’s a cute summer bop i guess but UGHHHHHHH put me in the room i have great ideas for them#also?? are they just not posting on spotify anymore???? like bet on me AND none of my business haven’t been released there i’m like .#which. i liked bet on me i will say that i thought it was nice but that wasn’t like a comeback type of song that’s like their trust me midzy#song. anyway again sorry for kpop posting but itzy are like. the only kpop group i like. officially stan (god i hate that word)#nmixx is cute too i love them i miss jinni but their comebacks have been fun rn catchy and i love their themes so <33
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i can feel the ryou brainworms just feasting right now
#hhhh your honor i love him so much he’s so silly!!! so concerning!!!!!! agsjdhskhd#he’s such a weirdo but he’s my weirdo so i mean#NOT IN A WEIRD WAY just. i don’t know he has my whole heart and i don’t think there’s a single part of me that doesn’t adore every bit ofhi#it’s how absolutely conflicting he is that has me caught up again#i keep saying this but just. it’s how much he loves creepy things and how he casually brushes off the weird things he gets into and how-#-much of an absolute NERD he is#in combination with how he literally has a fan club and how he’s known for being ‘soft spoken’ and how he likes cooking of all things#how he’s lost a lot of his family and had to isolate from friends and how he’s literally *died* once protecting them#and yet he’s still so sweet. he’s still so polite. he’s still just. ryou#still an absolute dork and he’s still able to have that soft smile and just#agh. feeling things for him today <3#as if i would not have them for him every day#unthinkable honestly#i love looking at the way he acts in monster world#i just think he’s so brave and so quick to act for these strangers he doesn’t even know yet#i’ve been over this before but if the yamis are supposed to mirror the darker parts of their host#and with b sealing away all ryou’s friends in the monster world figures beforehand…#:( i’m probably projecting etc etc but i guess i interpreted that as him being lonely??#wanting to stick with his friends constantly#maybe as a way to escape reality or something….#i’m rambling on about nothing but#i love him so much. so stupidly much#i just wanna keep him company and make sure he doesn’t feel alone… i guess i want that from him too <333#fffffffff love of my life…. i swear#spookyshipping#having a moment sorry
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i finished zi-o. i think its gonna be the only thing i think about for the next month
#well courts is making me watch ultra z so i’m also doing that i guess#so many mixed feelings about the ending of zi-o fr#i haven’t watched any of the movies or other content yet so idk if my opinions would change#i think main 1. i hate the concept of wiping the whole timeline#but 2. it’s a completely new divergent timeline?? so it’s not like they’re starting completely over again it’s essentially an alt universe#???#but 3. I DONT CARE AS LONG AS WVERYONE IS ALIVE AND HAPPY#and 4. WHERE IS WOZZZZZ NOW HES FRIENDLESS AGAIN 😭😭😭😭😭#they literally said highschool au be upon ye#also kamen rider tsukuyomi is so cool….. a super pretty design#me: i love angst *bangs my head into the wall*#ngl i love every character in zi-o#ALSO i have not watched decade but whatever decade and diend had going on was fascinating. r they divorced?#not art#sorry for tag rambling#and like i said before: i literally had only watched revice and double prior to this#u can imagine. how wild every single episode was. to me.#so many guys
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also i just wanna say. there are multiple people who have come to my dms and are publicly like. how dare you share this image. and they come to me. very nicely. asking me for the video. which is fine btw. but like. neil’s not gonna fuck you. have fun. be free.
#again i have not gotten a single nasty person not even on my posts#my guess is that they’re going after destiels aka my mutuals but aren’t touching me bc i know what i’m talking about#but you know that’s performative right? like it’s literally fine to talk about and spread the image it’s weird to be holier than thou#and THEN privately ask someone who’s very vocally like ‘this whole thing is stupid’#for the thing you’re publicly being critical about. yanno.#text#mobi#my post#gomens
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