#guy who made me question my gender so so so hard

[eggs-can-draw]

Izuru kamukura

favorite thing about them

gender,,,i want. I want his gender so bad. His entire existence makes me question a lot of things

least favorite thing about them

The CRIMINALLY SHORT amount of screen-time. I want MORE

favorite line

“Ideas, philosophy, art, culture, they live and die by the meme, and infection”

BrOTP

Flesh!Nanami friendship so real and soft and true.

ОТР

Kamukoma but in a fucked up kinda way that lives in my brain and rattles around like a salad spinner

NОТР

Junko x Kamukura when taken in a fully requited kind of way

Random headcanon

Goes out of his way to make tasks harder so that they last longer and can take up his attention and thoughts longer.

unpopular opinion

Left handed. Dying on this hill.

song i associate with them

Kiss Me, Son Of God by They Might Be Giants

Favorite picture of them

[echoofadream]

WRITE A PART 4 I BEG YOU.

Your favorite patient...

Part 4

Summary: your slave has been a very good boy lately and you decide it's time for a reward

Contains: sub!male! yandere, AFAB!dom!reader(no gender specified), smut, master/slave dynamic, fingering(m!receiving), pegging, praise, degradation, breeding kink

Short note: thank you guys so much for all your support! I really appreciate it!❤️

"What have you done today, baby?" you ask, a smile on your face as you look at the kneeling man in front of you.

"I did the chores, the laundry, I restocked the fridge and I made dinner!" the man answers, eyes full of love and adoration slightly pleading for praise.

You start caressing his cheek and he leans into your touch letting out a contented sound. "And about your body, love? What have you done to keep it beautiful for me?"

He blushes at your question and slightly averts his gaze. "I shaved... everything. And applied soothing lotion...and also used a scrub before you arrived to make sure my skin is perfect for you. I did that after the shower, of course...then a face mask. And...I think that's all"

"Have you touched yourself?" he almost jumps at your sudden question, his eyes filling with apprehension. You chuckle and pinch his cheek hard until he lets out a whine.

"Haven't...only you can..." he whispers.

"Louder, baby and I want you to tell me why only I can"

He lets out an almost inaudible whimper. "You own me...I'm yours...my pleasure belongs to you..."

"That's a good boy" you praise and rub the red spot on his cheek with your thumb. "I think you deserve a reward, sweet thing"

His eyes light up at your words and he starts nodding frantically. "Yes yes yes yes please...yes please...I've been good..."

"Patience, baby" you say and pat his head. He leans into your touch, his body moving towards your hand as soon as you pull it away, eager to feel more of it. You pat the spot on the bed next to you and he basically jumps on the mattress like an obedient puppy. You get up and spread his legs, feeling the man squirm under your touch.

"Mhmm~ what are you gonna do?" he whimpers, big pleading eyes staring right at you. He was laying on his back, arms above his head and legs spread, looking like a piece of art you were impatient to devour yourself.

Your hands slip under his shirt and grope his chest, earning you a moan from your slave. He arches his back, trying to get more of your arousing touches. Before he even realized it, his shirt was on the floor and so were his pants. He lets out a trembling sigh as your hand starts caressing his bulge, your thumb slightly rubbing over his clothed tip.

"Ahh~ ...mhm doctor~ pleaseeee..."

"What is it you need, baby? Hm?" you ask with a heart warming smile on your face that made him weaker than he already was for you.

He blushes and looks away from you, squeezing his eyes shut. Your fingers start playing with the hem of his boxers, threatening to take them off and expose his hard cock. "I thought you were a good boy who deserves a reward, darling. Was I wrong? Are you naughty?" you ask him teasingly.

"No no no" he starts, shaking his head. "I'm a good boy....'m your good boy. I need uhm...I..." He looks at you, eyes filled with tears. Poor boy was so embarrassed about telling you this. Wasn't he so adorable?

"Need...cock...please" he whispers, letting out a whimper as soon as he finishes his words. You chuckle and stroke his thigh lovingly. "Mhm...don't laugh doctor!" he whines, a pout forming on his face which only makes you the more amused.

"Don't worry, baby. I'll give you what you want. How does that sound, sweet boy?" you ask. His face lights up and his hips thrust upwards slightly. You take his boxers off, causing him to let out a moan when his hard dick slaps against his lower stomach, precum sticking to his skin.

You get up from the bed and he whimpers when he sees you open the toy drawer. You grab the harness and his favorite dildo (a pink one with a huge tip, long but not too thick) and you start fastening the belts around your hips.

Soon enough he's already shivering from the touch of the cold lube against his sensitive hole, your fingers skillfully prepping him for the strap. "Mhm~ please..." he begs, giving you those adorable puppy eyes that, combined to the flush on his cheeks and the slight tremble of his lower lip, made you wanna fuck him then and there and forget about this procedure. But you couldn't. You couldn't fathom hurting him.

"Patience baby...we need to stretch you out good for my cock, okay sweetheart?" He nods at your reassuring words, taking deep breaths trying to calm himself down. His dick twitches, his arousal sliding down his length and reaching your fingers, adding to the lubrication.

Once he gets used to your fingers you curl them oh so deliciously inside him and press on his prostate, making him let out a loud whimper. "Ahh~ not so...ngh hard...pleaseee~"

"Oh, did I press too hard, sweet boy? Forgive me" you apologize to the man under you who looked more like a mindless pile of mush than an actual human being. God he was so pretty...You just wanted to hold him in your arms and care for him for all eternity, make him yours, make him yours, make him-

"Ngh-ahh ahh~ f-ahh doctor...!" he moans when he feels the pink fat tip of the dildo penetrate his hole.

"You're so pretty like this, baby" you tell him as you thrust inside him, the toy hitting his soft spot, making his eyes roll in the back of his head. His legs wrap around your waist and pull you towards him in a desperate attempt to feel more of you.

"More ngh~ more! Fuck me~ ahh ahh AHH~...!" And you can't argue with that. He was too fucking perfect. So desperate for you, so slutty for you, so pretty, yours, only yours. You keep fucking him just like he asked, pressing on his lower stomach to feel how deep inside him your toy went and oh god why wasn't it real? Why was life so unfair that you couldn't feel your sweet boy's walls wrap around your cock?

You hated that thought and out of anger and frustration you kept going harder. The bed was creaking, you could feel it underneath you, but his moans and whimpers were the only sound which could be heard in your apartment. You were sure the neighbors will complain again. Fuck the neighbors. All the hatred you had for them, all the hatred you had for every single thing that had made you pissed, you were taking it out on this poor boy's prostate and he was loving every second of it.

"Ahh~ ahh... ngh- plea- more nee-... cock"

"Yeah?" you try to ask him breathlessly. "You like it when my cock fills you up so good? Fucking slut! My slut! Mine mine mine"

"Ahh ngh-ahh wan- ...cum inside...me~ pleaseee"

"You want me to fill you up?" He nods frantically as you ask him this, trying to cover the sounds he was making with your words. "You want me to breed you? Want me to stuff you full of my cum?"

"Yesyesyesyesyes!! Pleaseeee~.....!!"

You didn't even care that it was impossible to get him pregnant. None of you cared about that. You were too lost in the moment.

Before your hand even gets its chance to grab his cock and stroke it, he arches his back and cums all over his stomach and chest. You slower your pace, helping him get down from his high.

"You did great, baby..." you tell him as you slowly slide your strap out of him. He whines a little when he feels you removing it from inside him.

"Mhm doctor...thank you~...I...I love you..."

You look at him with the most loving smile he's ever seen, the most love filled eyes. You caress his cheek gently as you speak.

"I love you too..."

Thank you for reading this and I hope you enjoyed it! You can send me requests for what you want me to write about in the future (this series or anything else)❤️

[battlekidx2]

“Do you like girls?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you like boys?”

“I don’t know. I think I like TV shows.”

I remember when I was in middle school all the other girls were talking about the guys they liked and I said I didn’t like anyone. I just wanted to do my own thing.

I didn’t really get why I would want to date anyone. I understood friendship, companionship— having someone to share my interests and mutually info dump to sounded cool— but I struggled to understand the appeal of spending every day and every night with someone else. Of holding hands and going on dates. 

This led to a lot of homophobic bullying and a few of them would act disgusted that I might be into them. Constantly acting like I was looking at their boobs and sexualizing them (I never made eye contact with anyone and would frequently look at the wall or space out while looking in their general direction). Or make a big show of not being interested and many other things.

I didn’t get this either. I didn’t know why I would be interested in any of them. They treated me poorly and I thought attraction was something people made up and simply just claimed to feel towards other people.

Just like I never understood celebrity crushes. You don’t know the person so how could you possibly know you liked them? And I never understood how people “chose” who they dated. Did they just choose whoever they liked hanging out with the most?

But any time I voiced this it was always met with worse and worse reactions. It led to isolation among peers and my family. My parents made it pretty clear I wasn’t who they wanted me to be. That I wasn’t normal.

I soon learned to fake it. Pretend I understood it.

The idea of not being attracted to anyone seemed like a foreign idea to most people I met. Even when I branched out and moved away, I met a few people in the lgbt community who couldn’t grasp it either and reacted poorly and it made me feel stupid. Like maybe I wasn’t just screwed up to people who fit in the neat little box society wants you to fit in, but to everyone else as well.

Maybe I was wrong. If it’s an impossibility even in this community that champions diversity and acceptance then can that really be my reality?

I kept trying to force it. To date, but every time I did I always felt that same skin crawling discomfort and it always petered out. It didn’t matter who it was or what gender. It always felt wrong. It was suffocating.

I don’t think there’s a movie that better portrays that all consuming, suffocating stagnation of feeling so out of place– knowing you’re out of place compared to those around you– and in response forcing yourself to fit what other people expect of you than I Saw the TV Glow.

Whenever I think back to growing up or whenever I return home that same feeling this movie is centered around always drenches my experiences.

And even now it’s hard to put into words when I talk to other people what I’ve felt when it comes to this aspect of my life.

That comment from Owen about knowing there’s nothing there when talking about romance and attraction, but being too afraid to look and knowing that his parents know something is wrong with him hit harder than any other scene from a movie I’ve watched this year.

It’s that absence of something that is at the heart of asexuality that makes me always question what I choose to identify as when I have to explain it to someone. Because for the most part my explanation boils down to (in broad oversimplified terms): I’ve never felt attraction, I’m more interested in watching a Spider-Man movie than I’ve ever been into even just the idea of dating, every time I’ve attempted to date it’s been uncomfortable and I’ve actively dodged anything beyond friendship while in the “relationship”.

And when I try to voice that to another person it always feels like those experiences don’t hold water. That’s describing the absence of something. There’s no real proof of the identity.

With being bi or gay or lesbian there’s something you can I don’t know—point to?— that can help you know your identity.

And that’s the fact that you’ve experienced attraction towards one or more people of one or more genders.

It’s defined not by the lack of something but the presence of an experience.

And so every time I try and explain it I end up feeling stupid. Like I just haven’t tried hard enough to find someone compatible. That I need to get back into the proverbial saddle and try again. I always in some way feel ashamed and backtrack as a result.

This is in no way to say that it’s harder or easier to be one identity or the another. Everyone’s experiences are different and everyone experiences are valid. This is just a struggle I’ve found that’s unique to asexuality that many people I’ve talked to have also experienced.

I haven’t felt that part of my experience be seen in media until I saw this movie. Maybe I’m latching onto what I can get or maybe that was an intrinsic part of the movie. That’s not important. What’s important is that it’s something I felt seen in even if it was literally just one scene.

This is my really long winded and roundabout way of saying that I really think this movie is going to stick with me much longer than any other thing I’ve seen this year.

Things can be hard to put into words and as a result I tend to keep things inside. I’m fairly certain I’m ace but it might turn out I’m on a different romantic spectrum then I thought or I fall somewhere different than I thought on the ace spectrum. I don’t know what I’ll discover in the future.

I’m likely not going to express my label out loud to anyone but a select few. I still can’t express this particular label out loud to many people. My family is definitely never going to hear it. A friend or two might.

It’s something I struggle with on a regular basis. I’m fine with identifying with the label in my head—in a lot of ways it makes me feel comfortable and happy— but any time I try to voice it the words die in my throat and I can’t help but feel ashamed. It’s easier to just tell people I don’t want to date right now. That there are all these factors in the way (finances, time, jobs, etc) than it is to try and explain what I’ve just rambled about above.

I know many people have felt and understood that experience and I hope people know they’re valid. You can express your identity with your full chest, shout it from the rooftops and let people know, or you can keep it to yourself, identifying as your label solely in your head. Both experiences are valid. And if your label changes at some point in your life that doesn’t make what you chose to identify as at this point any less valid too. People are always learning and growing. You can gain a new understanding of yourself as time move forward.

Sorry for the way too long ramble. This movie made me feel things.

[inlovewithquestionablecharacters]

Will Graham X Reader: Academic validation

Warnings: smut, switch reader x switch will, use of pet names (darling, baby), drinking, fluff, making out, penetration (p in v), cowgirl, oral (f receiving), handjob, female anatomy, gender neutral reader no use of y/n.

Word Count: 2,5K

You really should be paying attention to the lecture. And boy were you trying to but his fucking hands. His fucking hands were driving you insane. Every time he fidgeted with them as he spoke or used them to point out a particular aspect of the crime he was analyzing you found yourself distracted.

It wasn’t hard to have a crush on Will. He was an attractive guy. An attractive slightly older guy who passed off a sort of touch starved vibe. You had a thing for guys like that. The only problem was that he was your teacher. All though you didn’t think that should matter. You were an adult who was capable of making your own choices and so was Will. The real issue was the way that your little crush had started affecting your learning. You tried to pay attention to what Will was saying but as soon as your eyes caught a glimpse of his lips you could help but think of kissing him. You were so deep in thought you didn't notice him finish his lecture. And you didn’t notice as your colleagues shuffled out of the classroom. Your head snapped up at the sound of someone calling your name. Your eyes found Will's frame. He was sitting on top of his desk, eyes locked onto you. You stared at him in silence.

“You okay?”

His brows furrowed in worry as he continued to observe you. Gosh he was cute like this. You shook your head letting out a small laugh.

“Yeah. Sorry Mr.Graham must have gotten caught up in my own head.”

“Will’s fine.”

“Sorry what?”

“Oh uh you can just call me Will.”

“Oh okay Will. I’ll get out of your hair.”

You picked up your textbook, shoving it in your bag before moving down the steps towards Will's desk. You gave him a small smile as you made your way to the door.

“Are you sure you're okay?”

His question made you freeze. You turned around so that you were facing him. His hands were pushed up against his desk drawing attention to his muscles. You bit the inside of your cheek forcing yourself to focus on his face.

“Why do you ask?”

“I just noticed you haven’t been yourself lately. You usually participate a lot in class. But you’ve been really quiet this past week. It got me wondering.”

“Can i be honest?”

“Of course.”

“I’ve had a lot on my mind the last few days and I'm having trouble keeping up in class. I didn't want to say anything because I know what everyone will say.”

“What will they say?”

“That I'm not cut out for this.”

Will let out an understanding hum. He pushed his body off the desk, turning his back to you as he made his way to his chair. You watched him, taking in how his body moved.  On instinct you found yourself moving towards his desk. It was as if there was some invisible force pulling you to him. 

“When I started teaching people thought I wasn't gonna last a week. They thought I was too odd. Too sensitive to handle a classroom dynamic. Do you know what I did?”

You shake your head. 

“I proved them wrong.”

Will grinned at you and you couldn’t help but grin back at him. A moment of silence passed over the room. Will was deep in thought. You could tell just by looking at him. You thought of going on your way but before you could move Will started to speak once more.

“Show me what you’re having a hard time with.”

“Oh no, I couldn't possibly do that. You have to go home and i-”

“Do you have plans?”

You didn’t, not unless you count eating dinner alone and watching a movie before bed as plans. 

“You’re sure I won't be a bother?”

“Not at all. Believe it or not I actually enjoy teaching. Could you just do me a favor first?”

“Yeah sure, what do you need?”

“Close the door will you?”

You placed your bag on Will’s desk before walking to the door. You stuck your head out looking at the empty hall. You shut the door carefully before turning around. Your eyes fell on Will's frame. He was sitting on his desk, his hand slicking back his hair as he waited for you.

You were stuck in a room with Will Graham. 

What had you gotten yourself into?

It turns out there was a lot more you’d missed then you had anticipated. Will didn’t seem to mind though. He went over every case you didn’t remember and never judged you for missing any clues. Even if they were kind of obvious. After a while the two of you drifted into other topics. You told Will about your life and he shared stories of his dogs. At some point Will had pulled out a bottle of whiskey from his desk and everything seemed to go downhill from there.

You were currently sitting on the floor desperately trying to breathe in between laughs. Will had just told you about the time Winston had run away and gotten sprayed by a skunk. 

“ I couldn't get the smell out of the house for a week. And the other dogs didn’t want to go near him. They treated him like he was contagious.”

“You’re kidding!” “I swear!” 

The sound of yours and Will's laugh filled the room again. He let out a deep sigh, finally managing to regain his breath. When you met his gaze he had a smile plastered on his face.

“What is it?”

“Oh nothing. It’s just been a while since I've done something like this.”

“What, gotten drunk in a classroom?”

“Had a fun time with someone.”

Your stomach did a flip at Will's words. You knew he wasn’t a typically social guy but you imagined he had friends. You’d seen him talking to Dr.Bloom a couple of times and couldn’t help but notice how he looked at him.

It was the same way you looked at him. 

“Hey.”

Will placed his hand on yours leaning his head to the side.

“Did I say something?”

“No. Sorry. Just having a hard time believing you.”

“What do you mean?”

“Nevermind. I should get going. It's getting late.”

You rose from the ground. Will mirrored your movements, rising to his feet as well. You downed the last of your drink, placing your cup down on Wills desk. You accidentally knocked your bag down in the process, causing your things to go spilling out everywhere.

“Oh fuck me.”

“Here let me help.”

Will crouched down beside you helping you gather your things. The two of you moved without paying too much attention,  the alcohol in your system making you clumsy. Somehow you managed to knock your head into Will's nose.

“Oh shit sorry Will.”

“It’s okay.”

“No it’s not. You might be bleeding. Here let me take a look.”

You guided Will to his chair, your things forgotten on the floor. He sat down, his hand still applying pressure to his nose. You placed a hand on top of him, guiding him to let go. He understood your request. Your fingers moved carefully over his nose, trying to see if anything was bruised. Will hissed as you touched a tender spot.

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“I’m not a doctor but i don't think anything is broken. And you're not bleeding so you should be fine.”

Instinctively you placed your hand on Will's cheek. You watched him close his eyes, learning into your touch. Slowly Will opened his eyes. His blue orbs bore into you. He was looking up at you with puppy eyes. Your breath sped up at the sight. His lips parted slightly to whisper your name. Will's hand moved to the back of your leg. He pushed your body closer to his, hand wrapping around your thigh. You lifted your leg allowing him to guide you onto his lap. Will moved his head to the side, moving to kiss your wrist. Your chest rose and fell rapidly as he continued to kiss down your arm. A gasp left your mouth as Will pressed his face into your chest, his arms wrapping around your back as he desperately tried to be closer to you. You could feel his tongue though the fabric of your shirt. The feeling caused you to throw your head back as your hands made their way into Will’s curls. You heard him call your name again making you look down at him. He had his head against your chest, his beautiful blue eyes staring up at you.  

“Yes?”

“Can I kiss you?”

“Please.”

Will pulled you down into him, allowing the two of you to be face to face. The kiss was gentle and far too quick for your liking. Your lips parted for each other. Will put his hand on your cheek. His thumb moved over your lips, caressing them. You opened your mouth, tongue darting out to lick the tip of his digit. Will let out a shuddered breath at the action. You smirked at him. 

“You should be careful darling. You don’t know who you’re playing with.”

“Oh yeah? Why don’t you show me?”

The grin that made its way onto Will's face could only be described as wolfish. Before you knew it Will had risen from his seat and placed you on the ground. He wasted no time working his way into your pants. You gasped as his fingers played with your folds.

“This wet already?”

“In all honesty i’ve been wet since we started talking.”

“Jesus baby.”

“I think about you a lot. In class. In bed. Anywhere really.”

“Oh yeah? And what do you think about?”

“Your hands, your back, what you’d look like naked.”

“So that's why you’re behind? Been to busy thinking of fucking me to pay attention.”

“Yes…”

Will tugged at your pants, pulling them down your leg. You lifted your hips to help him out. He lent down, placing a kiss to your thighs and you couldn’t help but moan at the feeling. Will grazed his teeth against your skin and then continued to kiss the spot.

“Will, please.”

“What do you want?”

“Anything, just please give me something.”

“Only cause you’ve been good.”

A moan broke from your lips as Will's tongue moved over your folds. You placed your hand over your face, head turning to the side as Will ate you out. He was skilled. A lot more skilled than you’d imagined him to be. The way his tongue moved over your pussy had you screaming out for him. Your sounds seemed to spur him on because whenever you let out a yelp, Will would focus all his energy into that spot. His palm was splayed against your chest, fingers gripping at your breast.

You wrapped your hands around Will's wrist dragging his hand up to your face. You placed two of his fingers into your mouth sucking on them eagerly. Will let out a grunt at the feeling, his hips moving against the carpet for some much needed friction. You watched him hump the carpet like a dog in heat and you couldn’t help but want to pleasure him too. You wanted to make him feel as good as he was making you feel because he deserved it. But at the moment you were far more focused on cumming.

“Will, baby, I'm so close…”

“Yeah. You gonna cum for me?”

“Ah Will-shit ugh-please.”

Will seemed to know exactly what you were begging for. He placed a kiss on your clit as he inserted two fingers into you. The combination of his fingers inside you, his tongue on you and the sight of the blissed out look on his face had you cumming in seconds. You yelled out his name, your hand tugging on his curls as you came. Will laid down beside you as you came down from your high. His hand went to his dick, tugging at his pants in an attempt to get some relief. You tried to catch your breath, tilting your head to look at Will. You noticed how he fidgeted with his hard on. You called out his name, making him tilt his head to look at you. 

“What is it?”

“Touch yourself for me.”

Will hesitated for a moment, eyes searching for your approval.

“It’s okay baby, you can touch yourself. It’s your reward for making me feel good.”

It was funny how quickly you managed to switch roles and by the look on Will's face you could tell he enjoyed it. Will opened his zipper, his hand moving to free his member. You inched closer to him, nuzzling your face into the croak of his neck. Will whined as he started stroking his dick. You unbuttoned his shirt, placing your hand on his skin. You could feel the rise and fall of his chest as he continued to pleasure himself.

“That’s it baby.”

“Oh fuck. Want to…”

“Tell me what you need, Will.”

“Need to be inside of you.”

“Okay, since you’ve been a good boy. I’ll give you what you want.”

You pushed your body off the ground, moving to be on your hands and knees. You crawled over Will's body maneuvering yourself so you were hovering over his dick. You placed your hands on his chest bracing yourself. Will humped into you causing his dick to nudge against your cunt. 

“Ah ah patience Will.”

“Sorry.”

Slowly you sank down onto his dick. His hands gripped your hips instinctively. You let out a breath, trying to adjust to his size. You clenched around Will, making him grunt at the feeling. You lifted your hips before dropping back down. Will moved in unison with you, his hand playing with your nipples as you continued to ride him. Your nails dug into his chest as you moved, the sounds he was letting out only spurring you on. You could feel your upcoming orgasm causing you to fasten your movements. 

“Fuck i’m gonna cum. Gotta get out darling.”

Will moved to tug you on him but you sank your nails into his shoulders. He looked up at you with a startled look. 

“I’m on the pill. Cum inside just please…fill me up. I want you to fill me up.”

You had no idea what your words did to him but it became clear a few seconds later. You barely had time to register Wills orgasm before your own ripped through you. You sagged onto his chest exhaustion finally catching up to you. Will placed a kiss on your neck before nuzzling his nose into you. You caressed his chest as you two tried to recover.

“Think you’ll be able to pay attention in class now?”

“No fucking way.”

Will's laugh filled the room, his chest vibrating against yours. You couldn’t help but grin at the sound.

[chaesparklez]

1.17am | gunwook x afab reader

wc: 2.3k

content: 18+ MINORS DNI

gendered descriptions, ex!bf gunwook, angst, emotional, oral sex f!receiving, heavy petting, rough sex, makeup sex, unprotected sex (practice safe sex yall)

summary: “just look at this, jagi. we’re so good together.”

1.17am. a surprise visit from the person you want to see least. well, maybe not the least…

a/n: sorry for being mia guys!! hope you enjoy this latest piece, i’m not too familiar with writing angst so hopefully it’s not too clunky haha. cross-posted on ao3 & wattpad on user @/chaesparkle.

it had been a long week of work, your social battery too drained to join your friends for a night out. you splay yourself out on the sofa, absentmindedly watching a show and crocheting. a nearby lamp illuminates the room with an atmospheric golden glow.

you sigh. admittedly, part of the reason why you were so drained was because of your ex, gunwook. his work meant you barely saw him for the past few months, eventually feeling like he wasn't making time for you culminating in your breakup. despite his begging to make things right, you just knew things would never work out. clearly he thought differently, as he had been blowing up your phone all day.

why you hadn't simply blocked him yet, you couldn't quite figure out.

a knock at the door.

you frown looking at the clock: 1.17am. who on earth could it be at this hour? you throw a cardigan on and amble towards the door.

"who is it?" you call lazily.

no response. you furrow your brows, pausing for a second before another knock resonates through the room. and you realise. two firm raps followed by another quick tap; you know exactly who was knocking. the blood rushes to your head, face already heating up in anger. you were already having a rough week and now having your space invaded by the last person you wanted to see made you angry.

“what the fuck, gunwook?” you swing the door open. 'texting me hundreds of times wasn't enough so now you show up to my doorstep?'

gunwook stands before you, expression indecipherable. he simply scans you up and down with a dark gaze.

you shake your head in frustration. 'so??'

he slinks past you without a word, making his way into the living room with you following him becoming increasingly mad.

"oh, so you're just gonna waltz into my house then play the silent act? i don't even know why you’re h-"

"because i fucking missed you!!" he shouts, turning towards you finally. his cheeks redden like they always do when he gets emotional, dark eyes blazing.

'you break up with me all of a sudden then expect me to be okay with it?' he continues. he inches closer, towering over you.

you stare up at him, gaze cold and hard.

"it's hilarious" you say, keeping your voice level,  'how you didn't contact me for weeks at a time while we were together and now that im not putting up with your shit anymore you come crawling back.'

"i told you that i'd do better. we can make it work, i'm serious." his tone low.

"why do you keep deluding yourself into thinking you can fix this? you'll literally be touring for the next two months. forget seeing me, you won't even have time to call me."

you feel a lump form in your throat, quickly turning away so he wouldn't see your eyes moisten.

"why don't you have any trust in me?" he says exasperated. he grabs your wrist forcing you to face him.

'please. give me a chance,' he whispers, gaze intently fixed on you.

all this was too overwhelming for you. your exhaustion, him being in your space asking questions you couldn't answer, and in the middle of it all, you being very aware of his closeness to you in this moment, face so close to yours you were tempted to brush the hair out of his eyes...

shut the fuck up, you tell yourself off mentally. you look at gunwook, determined to drive him out.

"why the hell should i trust you?" you say. 'all the missed calls, cancelled dates, all you did was take me for granted.'

"that's not true", his jaw clenching.

"it's how you made me feel."

"you have no idea how *i* feel. i-"

"i do. you're a selfish jerk. you don't give a fuck about me, you don't-"

"LET ME SPEAK!" gunwook yells, voice making a boom that resonates throughout the room. you jump, shocked at the outburst. gunwook looks at you intensely, eyes blazing with passion.

'i missed you everyday. it was hard for me too, spending so much time apart from you and not even being able to contact you because the managers were always watching.'

he takes a step closer.

'i was going to see you first as soon as i came back to korea. but then you texted me all of a sudden saying 'it's over' and then disappeared?? you have no idea how much that broke me.' his voice breaks on the last sentence.

you look up at him sadly, clenching your jaw and trying to control your impulse to hug him. you couldn't. not now. you didn't want to start something you couldn't finish.

"i think you should leave," you say quietly.

gunwook stays standing in the same spot clearly having no intentions to abide by your words. he inches closer to you, eyes shining.

"stop. gunwook, i said don't come closer," you warn as he takes slow steps towards you.

the look in his eyes made you nervous. it was the way he'd look at you before you'd leave a party together, giving your thigh a quick squeeze with you both knowing exactly what the night was in for.

'gunwook, seriously...' you breathe, your breath quickening. he continues to approach you silently with that intent look in his eyes, staring down at you fervently.

'really i don't think we should-' you begin to say before a long finger rests on your lips shushing you.

"quiet." he says in a lowered voice.

his hand rests on the wall beside you, his face inches from yours. he cocks his head to the side with a smile. your pupils waver as you look up at him.

"got anything else to say?" gunwook whispers, pinning you against the wall. he smirks.

a hand roams down to the waistband of your shorts, cool fingers meeting the heat of your center. you can't help but let out a shaky sigh, having forgotten what this felt like in the time you spent apart.

you stare at him fervently. tall, broad shoulders, and those determined eyes that'd observe every detail of the way your body responded to him.

and the expression on your face is more than enough to let gunwook know how you feel. you want him. all of him.

you both melt into a mess in each other's arms. your hands locked behind his neck, his enveloping your waist as you share a rough, sloppy kiss. as if you're both trying to consume eachother, as if you're making up for lost time.

his full lips lock around yours, the heat of your tongues melding as you both kiss passionately, not even moving in time as your mutual desperation drives you to take in as much of each other as you can.

you pull him closer by the collar and run your hands through his thick black hair. you bite gently on his full bottom lip and he kisses you harder, tongue exploring your mouth tasting you.

a trail of hurriedly removed clothes is splayed on the floor behind you as you lay under him on the sofa. with his body on top of you, the heat of his milky skin against yours has a flush rising in your center. you drag a hand from his broad chest down to his toned abs, and he gazes at you beneath him with all the yearning in the world behind those brown eyes. he leaves warm kisses trailing down your body, the tingle of his breath on your flesh sending a shiver down your spine so you arch into his touch. he looks down at you with an intoxicating gaze, a large hand enveloping the curve of your waist, and kisses your stomach.

"i missed this so badly," he says in a lowered voice.

he positions your legs to rest on his shoulders and begins to plant open-mouthed kisses on your inner thighs. you gasp, the muscles in your thighs contracting. his tongue makes contact with your throbbing pussy, lewdly licking a stripe up your slit. your eyes flutter shut as he begins to work his magic on your center, the movements of his tongue slow and sensual at first, then increasing in speed as your hips began to undulate against his mouth, your body begging for more.

his tongue runs up and down your folds, your thighs trembling but remaining firmly locked in place by his firm grip. he laps up your arousal like a dog thirsty for water, the view of your breasts jolting as you reacted to his touch further motivating him to deepen his movements.

you moan desperately and throw your head back. his grip on your flesh tightens and he moans against your clit, the vibration sending another wave of pleasure through your body. you peer down at him and feel your center flutter at the view; his muscled arms flexing wrapped around your thighs, face buried in your pussy letting out impassioned moans.

you lace a hand through his thick hair, tugging gently and moaning as he continues stimulating your clit. you make eye contact, a faint blush seeping across your cheeks at the intensity of his gaze. he picks up the pace and you let out a yelp. the relentless flicks of his tongue against your clit having your hips rolling against his tongue more and more deeply.

fuck, you really did miss him.

you plead in a shaky voice: "gunwook.. need you inside me..." and he retracts slowly from your center, almost reluctantly as he breaks out of his daze.

"oh yeah?" he asks with a sly smirk. 'guess you missed this a lot, huh?' he begins to kiss your neck lazily, his hand roaming your body again.

"s-so full of yourself.." you stutter, unable to deliver this remark as bitingly as you intend as he pinches your nipple lightly.

"don't i have a right to be?" he smiles. continuing to caress you. 'after all..' he whispers, 'isn't this what you missed the most after i came back from overseas schedules?'

his long fingers are now between your legs, rubbing along the length of your center and drawing circles around your clit. you let out a moan, stomach contracting in pleasure as your hips rise to ask for more again. gunwook really did know you inside and out. exactly how to touch you so you'd be gasping and arching into him.

he aligns his erect cock with your pussy, tip red and leaking a bead of precum. as he pushes his length inside you, you throw your head back and gasp for air at the feeling of him filling you up. his massive length still had you gasping for air even though you'd had sex countless times already. he lets out a deep moan at the way your pussy wraps around his cock and begins to move his hips, thrusting deeper inside you.

you lock your fingers around his neck so you're inches apart from eachothers faces, both hearing eachothers breathy sighs of exhilaration. his weight on top of you makes you feel engulfed in him.

gunwook's cheeks are flushed, his eyes slanted and locked on yours as you moan and whimper looking into his eyes with each thrust. he adjusts his hips so his cock starts to hit that spot deep inside you with every thrust, prompting a loud "fuck!" from you.

your pussy clenches around his length deliciously, and he can't help but squeeze his eyes shut and moan into your neck.

"fuck, jagi... feels like this pussy was made for me," he breathes.

"don't.. call me jagi.." you protest weakly between thrusts, not sure you even believe your own words at this point.

he lets out a breathy laugh and his pace quickens.

"or what?" he challenges, his voice low and husky in your ear.

his thrusts become faster and harder so you scream out in ecstasy, his strong thrusts having you moaning and gasping for air.

"ah, j-just like that.. fuck!" you cry between moans.

gunwook starts to rub circles on your clit again sending another wave of pleasure crashing over you, the overstimulation making your head spin. your hands claw helplessly at his broad back leaving red scratches in their wake. your eyes begin to water and you look at him through half-lidded eyes, his gaze meeting yours with the same emotions. his bangs are damp from perspiration, hair falling into his narrowed eyes.

"gunwook- i- please-" you stutter out before screwing your eyes shut, your jaw open in a fixed contortion of pleasure.

"what was that, jagi? can't hear you." he chuckles with a raspy voice.

the view of you overstimulated and teary eyed, literally fucked dumb, drives gunwook crazy. he lets out a raspy sigh as he watches his length moving in and out of you. your pussy is dripping wet, the sound of skin slapping against skin so raw and visceral that you both start to cum. your hips begin to rut against his, your movements and impassioned breaths syncing with eachother in time. he moans, forehead against yours.

you gaze blearily and kiss him passionately. your climax begins to run through you and you moan between his lips, your cries becoming louder as he fucks you through your orgasm.

"ah, gunwook!" you throw your head back and cry out at the feeling of his cock pushing inside you as your walls contract around him, practically having you seeing stars.

gunwook lets out a constrained grunt as he reaches his climax, biceps flexing as he grips the arm of the sofa. with a final impassioned thrust he pulls out just as he cums, hot sticky fluid coating your stomach. he sinks on top of you as you both catch your breath, a mess of slick and perspiration. your arms are wrapped around his back as he sinks his head into your neck, warm breath tickling your skin.

he gazes at you laying before him staring up at him through half-lidded eyes.

"just look at this, jagi. we're so good together." he breathes.

you regard him with half-lidded eyes, chest rising and falling against his.

"should we… start over?" you whisper.

[beatrixstonehill2]

"I'm so glad we're finally meeting in person...." Rachel told her online boyfriend, Jason.

"You look even more perfect than I hoped. Sounds like your voice is dropping nicely, darling."

Rachel smiled. "Three months on testosterone will do a fakegirl good." She stuck out her estrogen-fattened moobs. "I'm horny 24/7. I used to never even get erections. I was such a good girl...."

"But deep down you're just a dirty sissy playing dress up. She me what you've done to yourself for me, angel."

With a deep breath, blushing, Rachel untucked her erect cock, pulling it out of her lacy panties. She let it stick straight out, eight inches, as Jason smiled. "Is it..... to your liking?"

He reached out, jerking it as Rachel trembled. Her cock was never more than a nub. She showed it online if men asked really nicely in her DMs or questioned if she was actually trans. Most people didn't believe her. Perfectly feminine voice, gorgeous face, full natural breasts, wide hips. People thought she was claiming to be trans for views, especially since you couldn't see any bulge in her bikini pics. She told her skeptics she went on puberty blockers by ten, and hormones at twelve. Not a drop of testosterone ever coursed through her system, that was, until Jason messaged her.

He told her he believed she was a fakegirl, a boy pretending to be a girl, and he wanted to help. Curious, Rachel played along with his transphobic little tangent. He kept misgendering her, telling her how beautiful she'd be as a detrans femboy. Still wearing girl clothes, makeup, looking like a girl but finally with a guy's voice, her real voice, as he put it. To get her silly fakegirl tits removed. Grow a cute five o'clock shadow that tells everyone who she really is. Instead of blocking him, she allowed herself to be led by his fantasies of detransitioning her. She slowly became corrupted by his messages, taking them to heart more by the day.

Soon in public when people called her a girl she started correcting them, saying she was born a boy and wearing girl stuff was like a kink for her. She used the men's room, and relished all the attention she got in there, even offering her mouth as a urinal. She started trying to get her cock going, rubbing it, pleasuring herself, but she couldn't get it erect. She complained to Jason and he told her she knew what the solution was. Scared by thinking more with her cock than anything, she publicly announced she was detransitioning on social media and started testosterone, and a healthy dose of dick-growth supplements.

Now she understood what Jason wanted from her. She was horny 24/7. Her cock was impossible to hide. She was starting to get correctly gendered as a boy because of her bulge and cracking, male puberty voice. By the third month she figured her cock was big enough to impress Jason, and invited him over.

"It's beautiful, sweetheart," Jason said, jerking Rachel off. "How many times a day do you get off now?"

"Ten..... at least. I masturbate in public. On the train in my pretty clothes. I masturbate in the men's room. Sometimes I do it in the women's room just to get thrown out. I can't control my erections at all. I'm hard constantly. But I only want my cock bigger and even more out of control."

"You're just like every other pretty fakegirl I've done this to, you know?"

"What? I'm not the only one....."

"Of course not, princess. But don't worry, you'll love all my the other pretty detrans boys I have back at my estate. Once we get those embarrassing boy-tits of yours taken care of."

"Oh! Oh..... fuck! Thank you!" Rachel came as Jason aimed her cock up at her breasts and face. She made a mess all over herself and had no instinct to clean it. She panted in place, eager to please her boyfriend even more.

"You're welcome. Now, I think it's time I set you up with my friend Alex, who's a surgeon. He can have that chest of yours nice and flat in no time. Once you're ready, I'll introduce you to the others."

"Then what?"

"You'll be another of my slutty femboy whores, who I pimp out to rich politicians and businessmen who just love boys like you when they're away from their boring wives on business..... What do you say?"

"Sounds perfect...... I can't wait to fully detrans and whore my new body for you."

"Good boy."

[grandlinedreams]

Well, since I have fallen for your writing pretty hard (it's a blessing really, because so far only your reader can be read as a he when it comes to the Fallout series fandom), my brain's been spewing ideas at me.

I'd love to see a genuinely jealous Cooper. Awfully and painfully jealous, where he's actually hurting and doubting himself, but is also angry. Not the kind of playful jealousy he felt towards Lucy, no. Something deeper. And angry at the slimy guy who's already stepped over any kind of boundaries when he's laid his eyes on what's his. But they need the information, they can't go forward without it, so the plan is for the reader (you knooow, that version of the reader from that particular fic of yours, where they are crafting ammo) to get close, flirt with him, go real sweet on him. But that guy's too touchy. Too close, too dangerously close. To getting his brains blown out of his skull by Cooper's gun, that is.

I absolutely love your writing ❤️

OUGH YES I EAT THAT SHIT UP EVERY TIME but also thank-you!! I do my absolute best not to gender reader bc it bugs me to do it unless I'm asked to and it's also just a whole lot more inclusive! 🥺❤️

ㅡ

Warnings: jealous!Cooper, some self deprication, mentions of pre-War Cooper, weapons maker/dealer!reader, touch of angst, Canon typical violence, Lucy just watching all of this like ??, skeezy informant dude do be skeezin', boundaries very overstepped (unwanted touch, lewd words), questionable alcohol,cursing, quick and dirty Makeout sesh at the end lmao

The place is a "bar" in the lowest sense of the term. A gutted out building that was undoubtedly a diner of some kind before the war, now with blown out windows but surprisingly, a neon 'open' sign that halfway works in places, spitting sparks that makes Lucy eye it warily. "Is this place...safe?"

You snort. "If you're lookin' for safe, you should've stayed in that tin-can vault of yours." You adjust the sling of your pack, now far lighter than it'd been when you left with Cooper, Lucy, and Dogmeat. "We need information, and the best informant we've got likes to hang around here."

Lucy still doesn't look happy about it, but she reluctantly follows as you step forward. The inside resembles the outside for the most part, the same kind of dismal grey of the wastelands ㅡ but it's busy.

Battered tables teem with scavengers and raiders alike, and you pretend not to notice them ㅡ your attention is on the man doing a piss-poor job of wiping down what's left of a counter. A radio crackles, a singer croons sweetly, but the pitch is made tinny for the way the man casually smacks the top of it when it stutters. A barely there glance up at you, silent prompt that you follow.

"Three drinks," you say without preamble, shoving a handful of caps forward. Your fingers drum, eyes roaming in feigned disinterest ㅡ and then nod when three short glasses are shoved to you. The liquid is of a questionable color, watered down amber ㅡ you sniff it before you take a sip.

"Tastes like shit," you say when Cooper approaches and you hand him his glass, followed by Lucy, "but it gets the job done."

Lucy eyes the glass. "What is it?"

You down the rest of it. "Poor man's excuse for whiskey, I think. Or might be deathclaw piss, who knows."

Cooper snorts when Lucy's nose wrinkles, but she downs it with a grimace that makes you snicker and pat her back.

"Atta girl, vaultie. Atta girl."

The four of you settle at a table, Dogmeat at your feet as you stretch out, catching Lucy's look. "What?"

"What are we here for?"

"Information, vaultie," Cooper cuts in, "we don't have shit to go on as far as following your dear ol' daddy, so we gotta get some."

"And the best bet is getting it from that sneaky bastard," you let your eyes drift so that Lucy follows, "over there."

The man in question has clearly seen better days ㅡ or what he can see through the thick, wild tangle of silver-streaked hair on his head, the matching mess of beard that spills from his chin to his chest. He's sitting with a handful of scavengers, oblivious to the fact he's being watched.

"Him?" Lucy's tone expresses her doubt. "He doesn't look likeㅡ"

You knock your knuckles on the table to quiet her. "The point of being an informant, Lucy," you say in a low mutter, "is to not look like a fuckin' idiot who's listening in on shit they shouldn't."

"So who's gonna go talk to him?"

You sigh, eyeing the two. Cooper is obviously out of the question ㅡ it's the grace of his hat and the fact his back is to most of them that allows him some anonymity, but you have no doubts near everyone knows who he is. Or at the very least, what he is.

And Lucy... well. She's been out here for weeks now, but there's still a naive shinyness to her that says she'll fuck it up immediately, even if she doesn't mean to.

"Me," you say, and Lucy blinks at the same time Cooper tenses, eyes dark as they study your face. There's a protest on the tip of his tongue, one you silence as you continue, "I'm the best bet we have of getting what we need."

Lucy glances between you and Cooper, sensing the rising tension ㅡ and Dogmeat whines and nudges at your leg. Your eyes lock with Cooper's.

"Fine," he rasps. "Do what you have to."

ㅡ

Cooper is pissed. Lucy can tell that, the way his eyes never leave you as you trek back to the counter, another couple of caps for another drink ㅡ not for you, her, or him. But for that informant, the way you gesture with a casual nod in his direction.

He watches as the drink gets sent, the informant looking up, and his gloved hands tighten in his lap at the grin the other man gives you before he waves you over. He hates the casual way you step, relaxed, friendly ㅡ flirtatious, almost.

Cooper is not stupid. Far from it, he knows better than to outright stake claim on you in a way that can be used against him by others ㅡ but you're a chink in the proverbial armor, a weakness he's both grateful for and wishes he didn't have.

It's unspoken though, that you're his ㅡ and the fact he can't stroll over and make a point of it annoys him. Especially with the way the man's hand drifts over your leg, meaty fingers on a thigh Cooper has touched in a more intimate way, spaces reserved for him and him alone ㅡ seeing this fucker paw at you makes his blood boil.

"Looks like they're doing a good job so far," Lucy says, watching a little less intently than Cooper, "do you thinkㅡ"

"Vaultie." Cooper's voice is low and sharp. "Shut the fuck up."

It's not Lucy's fault, not really ㅡ but Cooper's two seconds from putting a bullet in this guy's head, information be damned. In another life, the life he'd had before, he figures he wouldn't be so irritated. He'd been handsome, hadn't really had to do much to make his stance clear ㅡ but now?

Now he knows what he looks like, how he acts ㅡ and the softer lining of your relationship is still new enough that there's that kernel of doubt. That you'd take someone else if given the chance, someone who could give you far more than he can ㅡ because all he can give you is all he knows.

Death and destruction, picking apart things until there's nothing left. All he knows how to do is take and take and take ㅡ and while you've yet to be bothered by it, he knows it's just a matter of time.

He tracks that hand when it slides up your back, teeth clenched because now you look distinctly uncomfortable. It's hidden, but he knows how to look for it, better at reading you than anyone else ㅡ and it's quickly fraying restraint that keeps him from getting up and coming to your rescue.

You flinch at the next touch, barely there recoil ㅡ but it's enough to snap Cooper's threadbare patience as he stands, ignoring Lucy's look of confusion as he strolls over.

His foosteps are slow, feigned casual as he approaches, settling a hand on your shoulder. Again, casual, were it not for the possessive pressure as he drawls, "Sorry for the interruption, but I need to borrow my friend here."

He's hauling you up before you can protest, and he commends himself on choosing this option rather than the one he so desperately wants ㅡ one that would involve splattering the brains of that fucker across the back wall. Even so, he takes too much pleasure in the intentional hand on said gun when the informant opens his mouth to protest.

He hurries you away from the table, ignores Lucy and Dogmeat as he tugs you past the table and outside, around the corner from prying eyes.

"Cooper," you snap, "what the fuckㅡ"

You're silenced by the aggressive press of his mouth on yours, gloved hand still firm around your upper arm as he cages you against the wall. He dominates the kiss, nips at your lip, deepens it with the muffle of a soft moan from you.

His other hand wanders, up your thigh, side, back ㅡ all the places that piece of shit dared to touch you. "I know I said do what you have to," he mutters when he breaks away to nip at your neck, "but I have my limits, sweetheart. 'specially when some fuckface is touchin' what's mine."

You squirm. "Cooperㅡ"

Dark eyes meet yours. "You are mine, aren't you darlin'?" You nod, and he clicks his tongue. "Words, babydoll. I wanna hear you say it."

It takes a second for you to find your voice. "Yours," you say, "I'm yours, Cooper."

He smirks, leaning in to kiss you again. Less aggressive but no less consuming, only letting up to let you breathe as he presses against you. "Good," he rasps, "better rememher that because I don't intend on losin' you, nor do I like the idea of fuckin' sharing."

[pawberri]

thank you for all the posts you've made, your takes are always so refreshing to hear.

I want to know your thoughts (if it's okay with you, you can also totally ignore this) about all the "men hate" I see online. like I (poc transmasc non-passing) get it, there are genuine societal gender problems. transmisogyny does exist-women face more challenges than men do. but it genuinely hurts when women, especially trans women, think it's funny/quirky to call men trash or say they want all men dead or whatever. idk I just am hoping someone else understands, you know?

There's a lot of nuances to this question. First, I just want to caution against focusing too much on trans girls as the perpetrators of this. A lot of the asks I get from trans men seem to really fixate on trans women as the perpetrators of hard line gender essentialism. I really think trans girls are not the main people we should be focusing on here. If a trans woman is saying this stuff, take the time to analyze her ideology outside of that pithy comment and consider how much trauma and how little power she has in the world. That said, trans women are affected by this kind of ideology just like us, and they rarely have the power to wield it against others in the way cis people can. I know it hurts to feel isolated by your own community, but that kinda gets into my second point.

Part of dealing with this is learning an impulse progressive cishet dude have had to get used to over the decade. Sometimes, "men are trash" or even "kill all men" are not literal phrases. They are things women say when they're in the throes of trauma to vent their frustration. "Men are trash" in particular is generally pretty lighthearted and used to complain when you have a bad date or something. You have to get used to analyzing what someone actually means and airing on the side of empathy. You, as a man, are the one with some amount of systemic power over that woman, so you are the one who needs to prove you are dedicated to not being a misogynist. The same thing happens when my friends say they hate white people. I have to assume they don't hate me given that I'm their friend, but that I still have some of the negative traits of whiteness. I need to care enough to be a good friend by being anti-racist and checking myself on my behavior. I need to be willing to prioritize their comfort over mine. That includes not becoming this meme:

Now that that's established, there ARE times when "all men are evil and should die" is an actual ideology. It's an ideology that hurts tons of minority groups before it hurts the most powerful, but it's also not really great if we assume it only hurts cishet white guys. Following it to its logical conclusion, it just proposes a reversal of oppression dynamics. This gender essentialism is a key part of radical feminism, trans exclusionary or not, but it leaks out of that community to general feminism all the time.

As a young person on Tumblr and Twitter, this deeply affected me. I internalized the idea that you can "just be a girl." It was repeated by some trans girls, but also a LOT of TME people. It was framed as trans inclusive, but it's trans inclusive in the way "political lesbianism" is lesbian positive. It posits gender as a moral choice that is completely up to the individual and unrelated to biology. It's the lazy version of "gender is a social construct." I felt sick and disgusting for wanting to be a boy because tons of well-meaning friends of mine had made it clear that "being a boy" was a choice, and it was the wrong one. "Boy" was a social category that could and should eventually be eradicated. Trans women were conditionally supported because they, in theory, made this future possible. This didn't amount to actual support, of course. It was an ideology mostly spread by afab queer people that mostly benefited afab queer people. There were a few trans girls who spread it, maybe some due to genuinely believing in the ideology and some due to social pressure, but there were also a lot of people straight-up grifting as trans girls who used this thinking to feel powerful in a niche community of teens. Remember fucking Yandere Bitch Club???

At a certain point, I genuinely thought of being a man as an unambiguous moral failing, and I lashed out at out trans men because of it. I wanted to feel powerful, and here was a type of man in my community I could shame and exclude. I still feel bad for making a bunch of ~girls only~ stuff in HS that excluded the one out trans dude at our school, my friend, because he was just a ~binary man~ and leaving him with no friends and no community. I treated transphobia like it wasn't a real oppression on its own and, in doing so, perpetuated transphobia. It happens a lot.

I wasn't really able to accept that there was nuance to the concept of manhood until I read this article while struggling to accept my own gender:

This is a pretty seminal piece of writing. It has its flaws, of course, but the empathy and intersectionality it highlights was life-changing. It also shows that this kind of thinking is largely perpetuated by TME people and hurts trans women greatly.

Gender essentialism is a bad ideology, it's a transphobic, transmisogynist, racist, etc etc ideology. It's literally essential to patriarchy. But it's also very easy to repackage into leftism and easy to dogwhistle. As a result, it's natural to be hesitant when you see someone saying they hate all men, but you have to tread extremely lightly and actually care what they're attempting to express. Because, yeah, men as a social class still hold power over women. They still have reason to fear and hate men.

I'm writing a comic about this stuff, actually, so look out for it in the future..........

[prejacfetish]

Train Yourself (or a partner) to Cum Faster - Coach Sarah' Method for PE

TL;DR

* Find what tier you're in below

* work towards the next tier

**Introduction**

After posting my first adventure here, I've gotten many, many people asking me to train or coach them one-on-one. Of course, having someone hot, clever, and a little sadistic to train you is the best, but, tragically, the reality is that I am way too busy to coach every person who wants to be coached.

But, these conversations have helped me start to formulate a generic write-up for some of the stuff I would suggest for guys or girls who want to be coached, either to cum faster, to cum helplessly to some specific stimulus, or both. This is my first stab at the former -- coaching to cum faster.

I've never had a "method" before. Every guy or girl I've ever played these sorts of games with I've approached individually, depending on their desires, their past, and what I personally was finding hot when I thought about it.

But I do think there are patterns or defaults that can help, so I've decided to start writing them down and sharing them.

If any of you follow my advice and keep notes, I'd love to hear how it goes! I particularly enjoy public comments, even if they're made with a burner account, because then everyone can benefit from your experience.

**What this guide is and isn't**

This will be an initial attempt at a guide specifically for people (any gender, any genitals) who want to cum faster. This is actually NOT what I do most of the time in my personal life -- most of the time, especially if I'm even occasionally sleeping with the person, I'd much prefer to train them to cum when I want, which might be 30 seconds into making out with them, or not at all. But, since PE Fetish is where I shared my first post, that's what most of your questions have been about, so I figured I'd start there.

So, what are the main goals of making someone cum faster? And what are the things I am not particularly interested in?

Let's get some of the "not interested" things out of the way first.

First, I'm not interested in fantasy, and that's not what this guide is about. I think fantasy captioned images where a guy is cumming in his pants after just seeing a girl in tight pants are great, if that's your thing. More power to ya! But MY thing is doing it in real life, and in real life that sort of thing is both borderline impossible, and also, if it really COULD be achieved, would completely screw up a person's life. Hot in fantasy, but not workable in reality.

Second, for this guide, I'm only interested in "conditioned triggers" in as much as they facilitate cumming faster. The idea of cumming whenever you see pussy or breasts or ass or a fire truck or hear a specific phrase is GREAT, and I LOVE it -- but here it is, at best, of secondary importance.

If you condition yourself to only cum to bare breasts, for example, you're working towards a different goal than strictly "lowering your time" PE. Imagine training to only cum to bare breasts, and it worked perfectly. Does that mean if we were hooking up, and I left my shirt on, you could you go for hours?

Obviously the answer to this is probably "who knows," but the point is that if your goal is just to get faster, a trigger CAN be helpful, but it should be a side dish more than the main course.

(Side note, a variation on this that I applied with Alan in a previous post, and that I have used several times since, is conditioning friends to cum when they see my bare pussy. This is a fun variation on a PE fetish, because it lets you keep a guy hard for as long as you want, but they know they will never be able to fuck you! That's not what I'm covering here, though. Maybe another day!)

So if that's what I DON'T want, what DO I want to achieve with this kind of coaching?

**Goals / What this guide will help you do**

The following three goals, IN ORDER OF IMPORTANCE:

1. the person gets better at the learned skill of cumming quickly. week over week, the number of minutes and seconds it takes for them to cum goes down consistently (if not strictly linearly)

2. the person gets better at cumming from less intense VISUAL & mental stimulation. if in week 1 they are cumming to niche hardcore porn, in week 52 (say) I'd like them to be cumming just as easily to pics of people wearing clothes, or just their imagination.

3. the person gets better at cumming from less intense PHYSICAL stimulation. if in week 1 they are cumming to jerking off with a death-grip at high speed, or by holding a hitachi directly against their clit, by week 52 (say), I'd like them to be cumming from one finger rubbing their frenulum, or a soft paintbrush or make-up brush on their clit.

This is a key concept, so I'll repeat it: for me, and this guide, I am more interested in lowering times FIRST, decreasing intensity of visual stimulation SECOND, and decreasing physical stimulation THIRD. There can be some wiggle room, and not everything is linear, as I'll explain; but in general I think going from 20 minute jerk-offs (or 4+ hour goon sessions) with a tight grip and nonstop hardcore/niche porn on monday, to trying to "OFM" to girls in baggy clothes in 90 seconds on tuesday, is a recipe for not getting anywhere.

**Three Elements**

That said, progress is always non-linear. So, you'll be working through tiers. For each tier, you will:

1. Get your time down, and keep lowering it consistently

2. Then, start to experiment with less intense visual / mental stimulation

3. Then, start to experiment with less intense physical stimulation

When you are hitting all three benchmarks in a given tier, you'll move on to the next.

Ok those are the goals. Now onto the method.

**Method In Broad Strokes**

1. Take stock of where you currently are.

2. Find the highest tier you're in based on the benchmarks

3. Use that tier to set specific, concrete goals

4. Work towards those goals in the following order:A. TimeB. Visual stimulationC. Physical stimulation

5. When you reach a new benchmark, start the steps over

6. When (not if) you hit a plateau, follow the "plateau procedure"

Again, I've never written this down before, but this is basically what I'm typically, generically doing and thinking about when I'm training a friend (or enemy). I'm not always literally following the exact steps in the exact order, but it's pretty close to what I would do in the broadest of strokes.

(Also, for what it's worth, if anyone works on this constantly I'd love your feedback. I'm inventing these tiers right now based on experience, in order to help people broadly; but in my normal life I'd be setting individual goals for each individual. These might end up being a little "off" and if you find yourself stalling or hitting certain benchmarks more easily than others, I'd love to hear that.

**Tiers**

>**Tier 1 Benchmarks:**

>

>Frequency: Masturbates 3 or more times per day

>

>Time: n/a (doesn't matter)

>

>Visual stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)

>

>Physical stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)

>

>**Tier 2 Benchmarks:**

>

>Frequency: Masturbates once or twice a day, most days

>

>Time: n/a (doesn't matter)

>

>Visual stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)

>

>Physical stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)

>

>**Tier 3 Benchmarks:**

>

>Frequency: Masturbates either every other day, or 3 days a week.

>

>Time: records time consistently (time itself doesn't matter)

>

>Visual stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)

>

>Physical stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)

>

>**Tier 4 Benchmarks:**

>

>Frequency: Masturbates either every other day, or 3 days a week.

>

>Time: consistently reaches orgasm in less than 5 minutes

>

>Visual stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)

>

>Physical stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)

>

>*Note: from this point and below, the requirement for every tier is "Frequency: Masturbates either every other day, or 3 days a week, not more."*

>

>**Tier 5 Benchmarks:**

>

>Time: consistently reaches orgasm in less than 90 seconds

>

>Visual stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)

>

>Physical stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)

>

>**Tier 6 Benchmarks:**

>

>Time: consistently reaches orgasm in less than 60 seconds

>

>Visual stimulation: reaches orgasm looking at images of a single person w/o penetration

>

>Physical stimulation: n/a (*Can be anything, though this is a good place to casually practice a "loose" grip (penis) or less intense or indirect vibrations (if you have a pussy and use a vibrator).*)

>

>*Note: from this point and below, the phrase "a single person" refers to "a single person per video or image." You are keeping to softcore, not fixating on a single individual.*

>

>**Tier 7 Benchmarks:**

>

>Time: consistently reaches orgasm in less than 45 seconds

>

>Visual stimulation: reaches orgasm looking at images of a single person wearing SOME clothing on top and bottom (can be underwear or swimsuit)

>

>Physical stimulation: masturbates with thumb, index finger and middle finger only (penis) or fingers only (vagina)

>

>**Tier 8 Benchmarks:**

>

>Time: consistently reaches orgasm in less than 30 seconds

>

>Visual stimulation: reaches orgasm looking at images of a single person wearing street clothes

>

>Physical stimulation: masturbates with two fingers only (index finger and thumb or index finger and middle finger) (penis) or 1 finger only (vagina)

>

>*Note: from this point and below, the phrase "street clothes" is subjective. My metric is "an outfit that wouldn't get you kicked out of a typical restaurant where families are present"*

>

>**Tier 9 Benchmarks:**

>

>Time: consistently reaches orgasm in less than 20 seconds

>

>Visual stimulation: reaches orgasm looking at images of a single person wearing street clothes

>

>Physical stimulation: masturbates with two fingers only (index finger and thumb or index finger and middle finger) (penis) or 1 finger only (vagina)

>

>**Tier 10 Benchmarks:**

>

>Time: consistently reaches orgasm in less than 10 seconds

>

>Visual stimulation: reaches orgasm without visual stimulation

>

>Physical stimulation: masturbates with one finger only (penis) or with a make up brush only (vagina)

**Using the Tiers**

Again, the method / pattern is as follows:

1. Take stock of where you currently are.

2. Find the highest tier you're in based on the benchmarks

3. Use that tier to set specific, concrete goals

4. Work towards those goals in the following order:A. TimeB. Visual stimulationC. Physical stimulation

5. When you reach a new benchmark, start the steps over

6. When (not if) you hit a plateau, follow the "plateau procedure"

For the purposes of this guide, you want to look at the HIGHEST number tier for which you hit ALL the metrics. That is the tier you are "on." One tier below that is the tier you are "working towards."

Note that I say you need to hit ALL the metrics to be ON a given tier. What happens if you hit some metrics for one tier, but not all the metrics? As you'll see, this will often be the case, and that's a good thing. In every case, you are considered to be on the HIGHEST number tier for which you hit ALL the metrics; hitting some metrics for lower tiers is great, but doesn't mean anything in terms of your programing.

For example, lets look at tiers 5 and 6

>**Tier 5 Benchmarks:**

>

>Time: consistently reaches orgasm in less than 90 seconds

>

>Visual stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)

>

>Physical stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)

​

>**Tier 6 Benchmarks:**

>

>Time: consistently reaches orgasm in less than 60 seconds

>

>Visual stimulation: reaches orgasm looking at images of a single person w/o penetration

>

>Physical stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)

Lets say you time yourself and are able to cum in 54 seconds while looking at hardcore BDSM porn. You are in Tier 5, working towards tier 6, because while you meet the time metric for tier 6 (good job!), you don't yet meet ALL the metrics.

Let's look at a more extreme example.

>**Tier 3 Benchmarks:**

>

>Frequency: Masturbates either every other day, or 3 days a week.

>

>Time: records time consistently (time itself doesn't matter)

>

>Visual stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)

>

>Physical stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)

>

>**Tier 4 Benchmarks:**

>

>Frequency: Masturbates either every other day, or 3 days a week.

>

>Time: consistently reaches orgasm in less than 5 minutes

>

>Visual stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)

>

>Physical stimulation: n/a (doesn't matter, can be anything)

>

>**Tier 7 Benchmarks:**

>

>Time: consistently reaches orgasm in less than 45 seconds

>

>Visual stimulation: reaches orgasm looking at images of a single person wearing SOME clothing on top and bottom (can be underwear or swimsuit)

>

>Physical stimulation: masturbates with thumb, index finger and middle finger only (penis) or fingers only (vagina)

Let's say you consistently masturbate to images of a single person wearing some clothing on top and bottom, like underwear or a swimsuit. Great! You have only recently started timing yourself, and you average about 8 1/2 minutes to climax, with a best-ever time of 5:24.

You are doing awesome, but for the purposes of programing, you should consider yourself at Tier 3, working towards Tier 4. This isn't to diminish your work cumming to less intense visual stimulation! But this guide is about learning to cum faster. Following the tier system, you can stop worrying about less intense visual stimulation for a while, and focus on getting your time down for a while.

Again, as a reminder, this guide isn't one-size fits all. If you think this concept is shit, do whatever you want! I'm not your mom (unless I've explicitly told you to call me Mommy) and you can do whatever you want to do. But this is the GENERAL advice and programing I'd give to a person who wants to achieve the specific goals I outlined above. If you want something else, do something else, I won't be offended.

**Moving Up In Tiers**

**Tiers 1 - 3**

Your goal here is to work from masturbating many times a day to once every other day, or 3 days a week on scheduled days each week. (Either is fine in my opinion -- every other day is probably sightly better in general, but every 3 days can make overcoming plateaus easier so it's mostly a wash.)

* for one week, keep track of how many times you masturbate. (Generally this means orgasm, but if you do a lot of edging, count each 30 minute block as one time)

* At the end of the week make a total for the week.

* Multiply the total by .9. That is your new weekly maximum.

* Divide by 7 to get a daily maximum, if you want to

* for each following week, multiply THE WEEKLY MAXIMUM by .9 to get a new weekly maximum

* Do not multiply the number of times you masturbated by .9, I don't care about that number at all. Reduce the amount you masturbate by as much as you like. Drop down to 3x a week on week 2 if you want. But your weekly maximum goes down by 10% each week regardless.

* You are done with this sequence when you consistently masturbate every other day / on 3 scheduled days a week for 3 consecutive weeks.

*Walking, exercise, and hobbies Side-note*

For people that I coach who masturbate A LOT, their masturbation is often a way of numbing difficult emotions. Simply dropping down in frequency without doing anything else tends, in my experience, to fail spectacularly.

If you masturbate more than 7x a week, you should follow the following sequence as you follow the above sequence:

* when you determine the number of times a week you masturbate, also keep track (precisely or loosely, guesstimates are fine) of the number of MINUTES you masturbate

* As you reduce the number of times you masturbate, you are REQUIRED to replace at least 50% of that time (100% is optimal) with specific other activities.

* Walking is the default activity, and might be the best. This generally means going outside and walking, maybe listening to music or a podcast. If you can't decide, just do this.

* Other activities include any form of exercise, or any hobby where you look at your hands (drawing, journaling, sculpting, ship-in-a-bottle are ok; video games and surfing the internet do not count for this requirement)

**Tiers 4 and beyond**

Again, the method / pattern is as follows:

1. Take stock of where you currently are.

2. Find the highest tier you're in based on the benchmarks

3. Use that tier to set specific, concrete goals

4. Work towards those goals in the following order:A. TimeB. Visual stimulationC. Physical stimulation

5. When you reach a new benchmark, start the steps over

6. When (not if) you hit a plateau, follow the "plateau procedure"

We've now covered 1, 2, and 3. Now we'll work on 4, 5 and 6.

**4A. How to lower your time**

This alone is a helpful and simple method, and I bet some of you who think this guide is WAY too complicated can still benefit from this approach. Here's what you do.

Note: should be self-explanatory, but the following is intended for people who are in tier 4 or higher. If you are masturbating 3x a day, godspeed, but this will probably not be super effective.

Solo Method:

Week 1

* each time you masturbate, time yourself with a STOPWATCH

* \- the timer begins when you touch your genitals, even through clothes (this is to prevent cheating by doing a lot of stimulation through your jeans or whatever, which is counterproductive)

* \- You can look at stimulating stuff at other times, but this may cause you to go crazy or fall off the wagon (hard to advise if you don't have a partner)

* at the end of the week, average the times (add them up and divide by 3 or 4 depending)

* Multiply this number by .9 -- This is your new MAXIMUM TIME

For each following week:

* each time you masturbate, set a TIMER (not a stopwatch) for your MAXIMUM TIME.

* If you orgasm within the maximum time, great! (it's not required, but I think it's good to write down how long you took, eg {max time - time remaining on timer = session time\]

* if you do not orgasm within the maximum time, no problem! stop masturbating and wait until your next session.

* Generally, if you are following the structure, you will always cum either in the first session or the second session. This is considered "good progress"

* At the end of each week, multiply the week's MAXIMUM TIME by .9 to get next weeks new Maximum Time

* Generally there's no need to add up your times and find an average anymore, unless you find yourself consistently beating your maximum times by a huge margin (over 25%) FOR MULTIPLE WEEKS RUNNING.

* When your week's maximum time gets = to or lower than the maximum time for the Tier you are WORKING TOWARDS, set your max time at that time and keep it there.

*Partner Method:*

*As above, but with a partner you can generally go faster, especially if the partner is keeping you in a chastity device. Sometimes I will multiply the max time by other numbers, like .85 or .8, or arbitrarily drop down even lower -- and then in following weeks raise the time similarly arbitrarily. I find a more chaotic approach that trends downward is often more effective and makes my partner feel much more controlled and helpless.*

Within 2 weeks, you will either be cumming within the max time for the tier you are working towards, most of the time or all of the time, OR, you will be plateaued, only cumming every other time (and likely really frustrated).

If you are pretty consistently cumming within the max time for the tier you are working towards, keep your max time where it is and move on to decreasing visual stimulation.

If you are plateaued, do the following:

* time yourself with a stopwatch (not a timer)

* masturbate once, with the goal of cumming as fast as you can

* whatever time you get is your temporary max time, which will be consistent as you move on to decreasing visual stimulation.

**4B -** **Decreasing Visual Stimulation**

(This is identical to (but maybe slightly more detailed than) the much-misunderstood "Trigger Method" popular on this subreddit. I hate to even use that term, because people almost always get the wrong idea about what the word "trigger" means. So if you don't know what I'm talking about, just forget the word trigger.)

* keep your maximum time, as above.

* as above, if you don't cum within your maximum time, stop and wait for your next session

* Look at the requirements for visual stimulation for the tier you are working towards

* Before you start masturbating, pull up something along those lines in another window, browser tab, screen, whatever. We'll call this the LESS STIMULATING stuff.

* masturbate as normal to the stuff you normally masturbate to

* when you are close to orgasm, switch to the LESS STIMULATING stuff while you orgasm

* Over time, experiment with switching to the LESS STIMULATING stuff earlier and earlier in the session

* Eventually experiment with starting with the less stimulating stuff and looking at it the whole time.

* There is another more concrete method for this that involves two timers, but that is probably too much for most people's patience.

* DON'T: look at the less stimulating stuff to start with and switch to some other thing later.

* I don't really recommend making the LESS STIMULATING stuff something specific like belly buttons or feet or eye contact or fire hydrants if your goal is to decrease your time. (That can be fun for other games, but outside the scope of this specifci guide.)

* When you are consistently cumming to the less stimulating stuff, move on to decreasing physical stimulation

* If you go for several weeks making no progress -- consistently not cumming, or frequently only cumming on session #2 and not #1, you can move on to physical stimulation OR add time to your max time and start over.

**4C - Decreasing Physical Stimulation**

Much the same as above, but with physical stimulation.

* keep your maximum time, as above.

* as above, if you don't cum within your maximum time, stop and wait for your next session

* Look at the requirements for physical stimulation for the tier you are working towards

* masturbate as normal to the stuff you normally masturbate to

* while you masturbate, experiment with less intense grip/pressure/lower speed on vibrator

* when you are close to orgasm, switch to the LESS STIMULATING type of touching while you orgasm. Do this until you feel you are cumming normally/strongly with the less intense stimulation

* Over time, experiment with switching to the LESS STIMULATING grip/pressure earlier and earlier in the session

* (For people with vaginas, when you are moving from vibrator to fingers, take your time. This tier might be a huge challenge for you! That's fine, be patient, take it slow.)

* Eventually experiment with starting with the less stimulating grip or pressure the whole time.

* When you are consistently cumming to the less stimulating stuff, but are falling short of the tier you are working towards in terms of time or visual stimulation, return to those steps as above. It's okay for progress to be non-linear!

* If you go for several weeks making no progress -- consistently not cumming, or frequently only cumming on session #2 and not #1, you can move back to visual stimulation OR add time to your max time and start over.

Ok, I typed this all out without too much thinking about it or review. I'll probably return to it in a day or two to make refinements and possibly add examples for the last part. And obviously I'll need

Please sound off with questions, in the meantime.

And, good luck! I can't offer direct coaching, but I'd love to hear your progress in the comments.

\-Coach Sarah

[whirlybirbs]

I DIDNT ASK YOU TO CARE ABOUT ME 😭😭 YOU KNOW WHO

;   —   webs && whispers    |    miguel o'hara

summary: set pre-atsv. he's the hero. you're the villain. but, that's been changing, hasn't it? pairing: miguel o'hara / villain!reader (gender neutral) tags: pre-established 'situationship' aka hero v. villain, enemies to lovers, sexual tension thick enough you can cut it with a butter knife, established reader pseudonym a/n: ... the people asked, so the people got *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

EARTH-928B. NUEVA YORK. MANHATTAN. WEST & 13TH. 11:56 PM.

"You're a hard spider to find these days."

Miguel feels irritation slip up his spine long before the phantom shift of your voice meets his ears. It's a hazy sound, like a chorus of susurrations converging into one. 

In the last few months, he's grown accustomed to it. 

Miquel, however, isn't sure he'll get used to the way you slip in and out of space like the flea on the tightrope. Here nor there, always lurching between the frames in reality, always ephemerally present. And the sound — voices of past, present, and future all overlapping at once, then: silence.

In a disjointed stutter, you're suddenly close — encroaching on his personal space in a way that makes his lip curl. A flash of fangs emerges beneath his mask. 

His back is still to you.

"I'm not in the mood, Whisper."

Beneath your mask, your face twitches. He sounds exhausted — though that isn't entirely new for Nueva York's un-friendly borough-stalking Spider-man. 

"Are you ever?" you quietly chirp as you stalk up beside him; you cross your arms, "I'm inclined to think you're avoiding me."

Up here, on a penthouse roof backlit by the nightlife above and below, you watch tension ripple into his shoulders as he rolls his posture back. That black mask hasn't left the horizon. Tar-black eyes stare out over the city, only narrowing slightly at your accusation. 

"We aren't friends."

He turns to walk away.

In a rush of hushes, you appear directly before him.

"Mierda—!"

"Sorry."

"We talked about that, Whisper," Miguel leans his weight onto one leg, reaches up, and pinches his brow through his mask, "It's called personal sp—"

You roll your eyes. You straighten up and move to step back, but — instead — shift a meter backward. You talk over him.

"Personal space, right, sure, Spidey," you slip towards the edge of the building, planting a boot on the lip of the ledge. You wind your arms tighter around yourself, "You're ignoring my question."

"You never asked one," he grits; against his better judgment, he moves to your side at the ledge.

"It was implied."

"I've been busy."

"Too busy for your nemesis?" you tsk and click your tongue. 

He's looking at you now. 

"Please. 'Nemesis' is hardly the correct title."

You scoff. Your shoulders bob. "Oh? C'mon then, Spider-bite, what is?"

It's a fair question — one that Miguel wasn't sure he has the answer for. 

In the beginning, this little tango was rife with explosive violence, scalding anger, bloodied knuckles, and sworn endings. You were a terrorist, fated to exploit and destroy the people whose mistakes made you: Alchemax. He was the hero, destined to protect and serve the people of Nueva York. Good and bad. 

Constant. Like the rise of the sun and the fall of the moon. Spider-man versus Whisper. Frontpage headlines. Time and time and time again.

Then, something shifted. Miguel can't remember when it began, or why... But, the collisions of fists became a tandem of fists. A team-up brought on by — was it Mysterio, maybe? You never liked the guy. 

Lyla remembers. She remembers everything. The footage from the incident is shaky — blame the multiple CCTV views all meshed together in a hot tangle of the canon-relevant plot. 

Spider-man is down on his luck. On his knees. Mysterio: laughing. Vitals: dropping. Three ribs: broken. Mask: compromised. Lyla's footage swivels inward, the sight of Miguel's one eye. A rageful carnelian smithed hard into a pained gaze. 

Then, you. Standing: tall. Voice: rageful. Fists: lit with power and already cracking across the opalescent globe of Mysterio's helmet.

SPIDER-MAN IS MINE. 

Yours. 

When did that happen? When did you begin to see his side, when did you begin to admire the safe consistency he built in this city? When did you envy it? When did the rage fade at the thought of him? When did something more tepid, more comfortable crawl in?

You turn your face upwards; there's a when moment your masked gazes connect. For a moment, things are still. Slow. There isn't danger here, nor hatred nor anger. The tension is different. Palpable still, but it feels like swallowing roses more than blood.

He looks away first.

"Try 'Number One Annoyance'."

His voice is distant.

You hum. "Care to enlighten your 'Number One Annoyance', then? You've been gone. People have noticed."

He was afraid of that.

Miguel exhales tightly. "Get out of here, Whisper."

He can feel your scowl. Then, your physical form flickers for a moment. A wash of emotions is present — a tell. In the past, that was how he knew you were going to snap. Now, in this context, he isn't quite sure what to make of it. There's a rush of voices, smothered quickly by a grounding inhale. 

You're quiet for a long moment then. Miguel's chest is tight — it's guilt.

"I'm only asking because I care," you finally say; it's like it's been wrenched out of your chest by his own clawed fist. It's an admission as quiet as the shadowed hushes that follow your every warp through space. 

He reacts coldly. The only way he knows how to these days. "I didn't ask you to care."

The claws twist. 

Another fast crackle, transparency pulsing quickly through your spine and nerves. Here nor there. Ephemerally calm. Like the ocean before a storm. Your face twists fast to his. Mask be damned. Miguel can see anger. 

Guilt. And the dawning realization this was a mistake. 

"It's better if I do this alone," comes the follow-up. It's... gentler. Still cold. Harsh. 

You look away. "Do what?"

Your eyes stay affixed to the horizon. Spider-man doesn't move. The stirring in your chest hurts. Hurts worse when you realize he's right. After all, he's the hero and you're the villain. You both have roles to play. Parts to act. The show must go on. 

"...A part of you knows I can't tell you that."

You sigh, rolling your neck, "You're right."

"...And a part of me wants to tell you."

It's quiet. Nearly inaudible. But you hear it. And you can't help the loose grin that flashes across your face at the admission. Your scoff is more like a huff. Gloved palms slip to your hips as you step back from the ledge. 

Suddenly, the tension is different. Lighter. Like it was a handful of weeks ago before he disappeared into the woven stream of time. 

Miguel follows suit. Beneath his own mask, his expression has lightened. 

"Yea?" you ask, stepping back like a prey recognizing the hunt. 

Miguel steps forward, shrugging easily. His voice is almost playful. "Yea. But, y'know, last I checked you're wanted on a new charge of grand larceny—"

"Oops. Sticky fingers," you chitter with a waggle of your hands. He watches you slip downward and through the fabric of space. You emerge behind him in a whisper of wind. 

Miguel is quick, he catches your hand with a web and tugs. You let yourself land in his grip — his black-gloved hand wraps around your wrist. He knows you're allowing this. You could easily wash away through the air, manifest around him in any three-meter radius. 

The closeness is tight.

"While the Spider's away..." he tsks.

Your glove slips around the web and tangles it tightly in your fist. You push back and move around him. He's allowing this. His arm crosses behind his back. You absently admire the ripple of muscle there. 

Then, you unceremoniously kick the back of his left knee and he crumples. The grip on his hand is tight. Miguel grits his fangs. 

"Play nice," he warns.

"I've known you long enough to tell when you're stalling, you know," you let slip the chirp with a sly look at the black and red Spider-man. 

On cue, there's the hum of a patrol copter over your shoulder. A few blocks away, still, but it's coming. Somewhere, in the bowels of the city, sirens begin. 

[ BOLO ALERT, MOST WANTED. ALIAS: WHISPER. ]

"If you leave now, you'll beat them by a minute," he says slowly, "Sixty-five floors is quite the trek."

You loosen your grip and gently shake the web from your hand. Miguel rolls his shoulder. You slip through time, landing before him in a low squat.

Your voice is sincere. 

"Try not to be a stranger."

"No promises."

"I'd never ask for one," you call over your shoulder as you stand and move towards the far ledge. Your costume, as pitch-black as the darkest night, is light in red and blue from the arriving patrols.

Just like that, in a haze of voices and a whisper of time, you're gone. 

And Miguel is left to himself on that rooftop, again.

[gottaluvharry]

~I’d do you~

carlos sainz jr x female f1 driver reader

summary: carlos and the rest of the grid won’t stand for misogyny, especially when it comes to you

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It felt so great to be apart of a team, a family even. Over your first few years on the F1 grid, you had gained life long friends, and the relationship of your dreams. Carlos was the perfect boyfriend, and even though the public didn’t know about the two of you, he was still always there for you. Because of that, he wasn’t going to let you put up with an asshole interview- even if it might out your relationship.

“Great race Lando, do you see a better future for McLaren? More frequent podiums maybe?” the interviewer questioned. You didn’t necessarily listen to Landos answer, as Carlos’ hand was making its way onto your thigh from your right, and Seb was smiling at the action from your left. While the media and the general public didn’t know about your secret lover, everyone on the grid did and they had so much love for you two.

Your head perked up at the following statement, “My next question is for y/n”. You always got excited to answer questions for the public, hoping that everyone would like your answers. “Do you find it hard to contain yourself when you’re around all the drivers on the grid? There are some pretty good looking men around you, i’m sure it can get hard” the interviewer questioned. You were set off a little by the question, but you could tell Carlos was set off a lot by the way his hold on your thigh tightened. “No, not really” you replied. “These guys are like my family, and believe it or not I actually can contain myself around good looking guys anyways”. The interviewer just laughed as if you were joking, and made a face that implied he thought you were. In some ways you were upset by the question, and you told yourself you would get a real one the next time around. Boy were you wrong.

“Doesn’t you’re makeup rub off under your helmet y/n?” “What kind of underwear do you have to wear under your suit y/n?” “Do have a boyfriend? If so, is he scared of you being unfaithful since you’re around all these men all day?”

Question after question you just got asked questions related to your gender. You were starting to get pissed, and you could tell everyone else was as well. By the time the interviewer asked Max “Is it unsettling to have a female amongst all you men on the grid?” you could tell the atmosphere had shifted. Carlos was fuming on one side of you, and Seb was unsuccessfully hiding his disdain on the opposite site. You gently parted Carlos’ thigh to try to calm him down. “Carlos calm down, i’m used to it” you said with your eyes when you tuned to look at him. “It’s not okay” he seemed to imply back with his large puppy dog eyes- but rather than looking innocent they looked venomous.

The interviewer continued asking everyone around you about their car and the previous race, all things that were expected. You were really starting to get tired of the interview, almost reaching an hour long. You were ready to be done.

“Alright, I have one final question for y/n” the interviewer asked. You back straightened and your mood brightened, hoping and praying that you would get a real question this time. “Who on the grid would you want to do the most?” he asked with genuine question in his voice. Your face fell and your cheeks brightened with anger. Before you had the chance to respond, Carlos interrupted you. “I’m sorry sir, but would you ask that kind of question to everyone else on the grid?” he demanded. “You have been asking y/n very unprofessional questions all day and I’m not too sure why you think it’s okay”. The look on the interviews face proved that Carlos’ harsher words got to him enough, but Carlos had only awoken the beast that was the rest of the grid.

“I totally agree” Seb added with disgust laced in his voice.

“Me also. I’m not too sure why you still have a job” Max bit out.

“I’m very disappointed in your questions, and I would appreciate it if you didn’t interview us again” said Charles.

Lewis mumbled “Its complete shit” from somewhere to the left of you, and George mumbled in agreement from next to him.

“Did you notice that you didn’t ask y/n a question about racing once? For the entire interview you’ve just been focusing on gender related things” Carlos pointed out. He was beginning to stand, his anger controlling him. “I truly don’t know why you think this is okay. y/n is a driver just like the rest of us, and she’s a hell of a good one at that. Eres un gilipollas (you are an asshole)” he said, knowing the interview didn’t speak spanish.

Every. single. driver. on that grid took turns yelling at that interviewer. They went until they were red in the face and all the journalists pencils were breaking from the pressure of getting everything down on paper.

Finally, Danny put the interview to an end, “We will be leaving now. Thank you for an absolute shit interview today. I hope a bird shits on your car” he added the last part with a smirk on his face as he stood to leave. Carlos grabbed your hand and pulled you up, not caring that the camera would catch it. As you all stood and left the interviewer stunned, you couldn’t help but feel grateful. Grateful for the people surrounding you, and grateful for the man holding your hand through it all.

“Thank you guys” you said with tears forming in your eyes. “You really didn’t have to do that, your guys’ media managers are going to hate you for the things you said” you added, trying to make the situation lighter. However, your attempt at trying to make yourself seem okay didn’t work. These 18 boys were your brothers (carlos excluded), and they could tell you were upset.

“I really don’t care” Danny said. “All that matters is that he’ll get fired and you’ll stay hired” he winked at you. You smiled, always counting on Danny to make you smile amidst tears.

“Honestly y/n you don’t have to thank us” Charles said, stepping up to pat you on the shoulder.

“Yeah, don’t thank us. That’s what brothers are for” Lance winked.

“You okay Kid?” Seb asked as he stood in front of you, his kind eyes searching yours for signs of distress. “Yes, i’m okay now” you smiled back. Even though they all know that was a lie, they saw Carlos’ slight nod from behind you implying that you would be. They all knew Carlos would take care of you, and they all trusted him with their little sister. Seb smiled and kissed your forehead, turning to go do whatever he needed.

As you and Carlos made your way back to your drivers room you just kept replaying the questions in your head, accidentally working yourself up again. You didn’t even realize you had been crying again until the door to your room was shut and Carlos was wiping your tears.

“I’m sorry hermosa (beautiful)” he cooed, moving you to curl against him on the couch. With your face tucked into his chest and his arms around you, you felt safe to cry even harder. You cried for women all over the world frustrated with how they’re treated. You cried for the naive girl you once used to be who was excited to get fair treatment in the worldwide sport. You cried for your lost hopes and your new found anger. You cried for so long with your tears staining Carlos’ shirt and his hand rubbing up and down your back. When you were finally ready to leave Carlos’ comforting smell and embrace surrounding you, you looked up into the eyes of the man you loved so much. He smiled down at you, immense pride filling his chest at the woman in his arms. He would always be proud of all you accomplish, and he would always be your number one supporter.

“Just so you’re aware” you started, a smile already starting to spread across your face. “I’d do you”.

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hope you guys enjoyed my first post for carlos:) he’s my husband for real💍💍💍 anyways, my inbox is always open and i always love you!!!! thank you for the support <3

[biolumien]

Hey :) I just found your blog and I love your writing style, so I was wondering if you'd write for Windbreaker's Suo or Kaji? If yes, may I request a hurt/comfort (or angst to fluff) where the reader is in love with him (if you write for both, I'll let you choose, who you want to write for), but doesn't know he also likes her, so when she sees a girl flirting with him, she just leaves, wanting not to interrupt, before she can see he's turning the girl down. And he later comes to find her somehow? Idk, just an idea. If you don't feel like writing it, don't stress yourself out. Either way I'm looking forward to your future stories!

notes: tysm for your kind words; i decided to write suo! it’s a lil’ light on the angst and more a cute drabble, or at least it is for my standards… but i hope it’s still good. ik you used she/her in your request but i tend to write gender neutrally? just to be more inclusive overall so i hope that’s okay as well… please enjoy! 🙂‍↕️

a token of your affections

hayato suo x gn!reader no warnings apply. suo's a smooth operator. or something. word count: 1090

there’s no mistaking that suo is the kind of guy who gets flighty with everyone. layers of charm, artificial or not, built up around him to create the aura of someone utterly untouchable. unknowable.

but it was that suave charm of his that made you fall in love with him. he spoke kindly and gently to everyone, of course–but it always seemed like he saved a little bit of it for you. an extra sweet glance, a small smile, all so you could hold it to your chest. you could cradle the perfect jewel of his affection. what color would it be, you wonder.

it was the kind of love that got people to write sappy letters. you thought you might, at some point. but all the same, you were a little afraid of what he might say. would he smile at you the same way, with that same kindness and gentleness, before delivering the hard-hitting truth that he just didn’t feel the same way? what would you do then? what was there to do, if he did that? 

you could always die of a broken heart, you thought to yourself. that was always the other option.

you and suo frequently walked home together—the two of you lived relatively close, so it was no surprise. suo’s gaze was fixed up ahead, humming a soft tune. 

“suo,” you say. 

“mm? you know you can call me hayato, you know. it’s just us. i don’t mind.” suo smiles at you as he always does—quiet and patient. 

“it feels weird,” you protest. “everyone else at school just calls you suo.” 

“mm, that’s true. but i’ve trusted you with my name! it’s a big honor, you know. not everyone get that from me,” suo says, tapping his bottom lip contemplatively. “but what’s on your mind?” 

“mm.” you glance at the road, at a street cat skulking through an alleyway for a moment. “are you interested in anyone right now, suo?”

“oh-ho?” suo’s eyebrows raise, the smile on his face growing wider ever-so-slightly. “hmm… what’s got you interested in that?”

you flush, looking away.

“none—none of your business,” you mutter. 

“but it is my business!” suo crows, leaning close to you. you take a sudden step back in alarm, practically stumbling over yourself as suo catches you with lightning-fast reflexes, cradling your back in his arms. “careful now. wouldn’t want you getting hurt.” 

“…” your face feels like it’s burning. “suo, i wasn’t gonna fall that badly.” 

“just making sure,” suo says, righting you. “but like i said—it is my business, since you’re asking about my personal life.” he smiles, tapping his lower lip again. “but… to answer your question, then—no comment.” 

“what? hey!” you protest, but he laughs, putting his hands behind his head as he walks off. 

you think you get your answer, though. 

as furin’s daily patrols end, you stand at the school gate, waiting for suo to show. you wait for about fifteen minutes—and then you frown. he’s usually more punctual than this—hell, half the time he’s the one waiting for you at the gate. where could he possibly be? 

as you head back into the building to look for him, you hear—

“please go out with me!” 

your eyes widen as you peek into the heavily graffitied classroom. suo’s back was turned to you, so you couldn’t see his face, but the girl was holding out some kind of folded envelope to him, and your face flushes and your eyes feel like they’re burning too. hell, they might as well just set you on fire right now, or maybe see if self-immolation was still a thing. 

“mm…” suo’s voice lilts. you curse the man you love, for a moment—for the fact that his voice sounds sweet no matter what, that it was impossible to tell what he was thinking at any moment. “well—”

there’s roaring in your ears. 

you rush off before you can hear suo’s answer, cursing yourself the entire time.

of course you weren’t the only one that liked him—there was a myriad amount of admirers he could have. of course he wouldn’t choose you first—and your mind flickers back to the affections he gave you, the weight of his gaze and the smiles that you’d wanted to keep for yourself. 

you were so, so stupid, you think bitterly as you rush out of the school, trying desperately to hide tears that were now trickling down your face. the last thing you wanted were rumors that you were crying over suo, in any case.

why would you care if suo was dating someone else that wasn’t you? why did you care that someone confessed to him before you got to? why did you curse yourself so much for not getting there quicker? were you going to lose hi—

“wait.” 

suo’s hand clasps your wrist, and you nearly topple back into him—and then you do, losing your footing and slamming fully into his chest. he exclaims in surprise, but manages to right himself. you look up.

“what, suo? don’t you have a girl who confessed to you already?” you ask weakly.

suo’s eye widens.

“so it was you,” he says softly, a teasing smile on his face. “it’s rude to eavesdrop.”

“rude to—why aren’t you answering my question?” you ask, somehow angry for an absurd reason you can’t even fathom.

“hm? i turned her down,” suo says. “told her i’ve already got someone i’m fully interested in.”

“huh?” you blink up at him. “who—”

suo leans his head down to kiss you, interrupting your words. the kiss is soft, short, and sweet—but bears with it the same kindness, the same precious jewel of love that you wished you might be able to keep.

“it’s you,” he says as he parts from the kiss. “it’s always been you.”

and as you blink up at him, you think the tears start falling. suo laughs fondly.

“i thought i was obvious about it,” suo says. “i let you call me by my first name and everything.”

“you weren’t obvious enough,” you protest.

“hmm. that’s my bad, then,” suo says softly, leaning down to kiss you again—on your forehead, and then on your nose, and then on your lips again, short and sweet. “i’ll make it up to you. go out with me?”

you look up at him.

the jewel of suo’s affection was bright red, you decided. and it was yours, now, sitting in the palm of your hand.

“of course,” you say.

and suo smiles, pulling you close to his chest.

[aclowntiny]

How Seventeen Act Around Their Crush (Gender Neutral)

& my first work for Seventeen too 💎 hope you enjoy this Carats 🥰

S.Coups

♡ You may not figure out that he likes you immediately, but let me just start by saying Mr. Choi Seungcheol would be THE SWEETEST suitor to you!!!

♡ He looks at you with the fondest smile whenever you guys talk, nodding attentively & making tons of mental notes of what you tell him.

♡ Will absolutely use that in conversations later, like you mention your pet so he asks if they would like this thing he saw or he was at that café near where they live & hey, didn't you say that was your favorite spot?

♡ Anyone who makes you sad WILL FEEL HIS WRATH. Even if you don’t see it, he’ll give them a look that signifies their impending doom 🥰

♡ You’re the only person that can make him laugh as hard as you do- cherish his happiness as he does yours 🥺

♡ Also, you’ll pretty much be able to get away with murder. Behavior that the other members could never get away with slides by from you like it’s nothing. Teasing him & addressing him more casually/softly is a special privilege that is yours & yours alone.

♡ If you do anything potentially risky/dangerous, expect to have Seungcheol hovering around you at the ready to swoop in & help you!

♡ He’s more energetic around you, wanting to show you his bright side & how well he plays with the members, not just the tough leader side people may think of. He wants you to know there’s a softer side to him. Also, expect lots of heart eyes if you take care of him & the other members too, like it’ll just make his day if you show your doting side so pls indulge him lots you might get to see smiley affectionate Seungcheol if you do ☺️

♡ Once you get close he’ll greet you with the warmest hug everrrr 🥺

♡ Your support means the world to him, so he’s always expressing how grateful he is when you’re in his company.

Jeonghan

♡ You're going to have moments where you question it, where he leaves your head positively spinning because he's Yoon Jeonghan, but yeah, you'll be able to figure it out.

♡ The way he looks at you alternates between a soft, joyous smile & a mischievous smirk, it all depends on the interaction you're having.

♡ Subconsciously plays with his hair a lot around you because he wants to look good but it also has the side effect of looking soooo flirty not that he would complain if he really thought about it

♡ Playfully nudges you a lot & teases you, little things like asking 'say/do that again' whenever you say something funny or do something that you're a little flustered/shy over.

♡ Elaborate hoops jumped through to learn things about you, like he'll casually bring up a show he knows you'll have seen so he can talk about the popular ships within so he can ask what you think about romance or what relationship dynamics you enjoy.

♡ Incredibly caring though, like if you mention using something a lot he'll buy some & throw it in his bag to whip out for you or offer you his jacket when it's cold!!!

♡ Claps for anything you do, especially if it's out of your comfort zone past teasing, like an actual effort for you. His smile is so genuine in that moment, you really feel his empathy.

♡ Alwaysss generous & sharing with you, totally the type to surprise you with something that made him think of you & anything on his plate is yours to swipe & only yours.

♡ Tries to convince you to join his side in every game because he needs you to win even though he totally doesn't, he just wants you to rule at his side 😏

♡ Jeonghan is the guy who purposely steals someone else’s seat when they get up so he can sit next to you & gradually scoots closer during the whole movie 🩵

Joshua

♡ Joshua may accidentally have you gaslighting yourself because does he like you or is it just a very unfortunate or fortunate ;) coincidence that he acts like a total romance lead every time you see him? (Spoiler alert: it is not.)

♡ He introduces himself so politely, saying how he hasn't met you before but is really happy to meet you, & wowza does this man know how to make eye contact. That & his sweet smile are already swoon-worthy & he hasn't even started trying yet GDVSCS

♡ Any time there's a split decision, Joshua asks the others 'hey, why not let (y/n) decide?', taking advantage of any bickering or confusion to subtly give you some power. He hopes you see that way that he values your decision & wants to learn about you.

♡ Joshua is always making sure you’re comfortable, telling you no pressure whenever he asks something of you or if you seem anxious. The first one to remind you that you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to especially if it’s just for a silly game or something!

♡ That’s probably how he breaks the touch barrier, reaching over & drawing a soothing circle on your back with his hand while comforting you or giving you a hug 🥲

♡ Also, moves you when you’re walking, pulling you a bit closer to him, as a bike goes by & tells you to be more careful so you don’t get hit ok?

♡ After you tell him your favorite song, he learns it in secret & just starts playing it on his guitar at the next gathering so he can see your surprised smile!

♡ Guaranteed he will text you to make sure you got home safe if he wasn’t there dropping you off 😭

♡ So nice if you ever apologize to him, he’ll repeatedly tell you you’re cool & probably say something like ‘you could never make me mad!!!’

♡ He’ll go between reenacting your favorite meme with you to dropping sweet words like ‘that’s why you’re my favorite, you get me 😌’ as if it was NOTHING

Jun

♡ Your first time meeting Jun, you'll just think he's super duper outgoing because he comes right up to you with a big smile on his face & introduces himself so wow, total social butterfly amiright? You may clue in on his interest if you manage to see that all that perking up is a direct result of your presence 👀

♡ Like, he could be sitting totally quiet & checked out, then in you walk & he practically bolts up, deadpan expression melting into a wide smile as he comes up to say hi.

♡ The first person to ask what you want to do whenever you visit the guys. Jun wants you to feel welcome not only with him but with the people he loves most!

♡ To break the ice, he shows you funny pictures of the other members & shares some laughs with you over them :3

♡ When he gets elected to go on the next snack run, he asks if you want to come for a breather from the crowd, then when you tag along he points out a bunch of city sights, helping you see a regular street like it's new again. All Jun can think about is how many other places he'd like to walk with you.

♡ Absolutely the type to pick a random little road flower & hand it to you 🥺

♡ He isn't super-duper-over-the-top-touchy-feely, but will definitely lean/fall on you when you guys are laughing super hard. May also pull the ol grab your hand to look at your nails/ring trick.

♡ If you don’t already speak Chinese, he’ll teach you the funniest sayings & maybe even things to say about the other guys too 👀 only you & Minghao get to know hehe

♡ Every time pictures get taken, Jun ends up next to you because he wants to see what you guys look like together please protect him!

♡ When you impress him, you’ll know because he looks at you with such awe & the cutest little wooow 🥹

Hoshi

♡ You're going to figure it out eventually whether it's his demeanor shift or the massive heart eyes he's always giving you.

♡ At first he's shy, hanging back a little, smiling & glancing at the ground with cute little nods at what you say that are just enough to encourage you- after all, he's not awkward, just comes across a little introverted.

♡ He quickly becomes comfortable as you chat & play with the guys more, & once you blend into the group he opens up like a wild sunflower, suddenly trying to impress you at any chance.

♡ Insists you be on his side/team for any of said icebreaker games under the pretense of wanting the new person or not wanting xyz other member but it's really just him wanting to sit by you 🥺

♡ Will do literally anything you ask. Go get you a water bottle because you don't want to get up? Done. Dare him to eat something weird before you do? Sure. You want him to teach you that ridiculous move you just saw on screen? Well, he'll sure as heck try!

♡ Honestly, he probably likes doing choreography bits hoping you'll think he looks cool, glancing over at you with a toothy smile as he does them. 100 percent will invite you to dance with him.

♡ From being so shy when you first met, comfortable Soonyoung will tentatively break touch barriers, starting with playful nudges & gradually working up to grabbing your hand to lead you places.

♡ Highkey this man wants to fall in love with his best friend, so you better believe you’re getting pulled into some ANTICS 😤 you’re going to become his ride or die!

♡ Even when he’s tired he seeks you out, telling you that time with you still feels like me time to him ☺️

♡ This man is all smiles when you’re around, trust me, you’re his sunshine ☀️

Wonwoo

♡ He's pretty good at hiding it from you if he wants to, but oh boy do the guys get a laugh because Wonwoo is never like this with anyone but you.

♡ He's an introverted guy, right? Quiet. Not unfriendly by any means, but not exactly outgoing either. Doesn't like the spotlight. So tell the guys why he is approaching you right away trying to get to know you 🤡

♡ What a menace, this guy probably immediately apologizes for the other guys, throwing them under the bus just to get to see you laugh.

♡ Wonwoo pretty much takes you under his wing from there, leading you through the chaos, introducing you to anyone else you don't know, & all the while subtly laying a claim to you bold.

♡ He'll make jokes about you, too, but only things he's seen you laugh at. Like if you tell him your family's had a running joke about you being clumsy for a long time with mirth in your eyes, then ok, he's going to teasingly tell you don't drop that & the like.

♡ Recommends things he thinks you’ll like, whether it’s books, songs, or a movie he saw recently. It helps him figure you out & gives you common ground to bond over later!

♡ All the supposed cool confident behavior kinda goes out the window if you’re a physically affectionate person though, like if you get touchy feely with Wonwoo that’s when he’ll get a bit more shy, just quietly smiling to himself.

♡ He wants to spend more time with you, so he’ll try to include or invite you into more one on one things, even if it’s just a quick errand.

♡ Does the most adorable attentive head tilt when you’re talking to him!!!!

♡ Probably also puts his glasses on you because he thinks it would look so cute bye 🥺

Woozi

♡ This is an interesting case, because it seems like you wouldn’t know with him, but there’s actually a pretty good chance you will. He tries to hide it, but he also doesn't know how to act when he has feelings lol

♡ The first time you meet him, he just straight-up looks a bit surprised you exist because holy crap you're really pretty what does he do with that??? Then the more you come around he just is shy 🥺

♡ It's so cute, every time you visit he always asks how you are. It comes out slightly awkward to him, but it makes you feel like he cares, too.

♡ Gets so embarrassed the first time you catch him practicing on his guitar not realizing how !!! that is. He shyly asks if you have any songs you'd like him to play once you acknowledge this new skill you've learned he has.

♡ He'll sing for you, but he just can't look you in the eye while he does it because his heart will explode ok? 🥺

♡ Makes absolutely hilarious comments off to the side, usually at a volume only you can hear so you guys can share a private laugh.

♡ Does goofy stuff, but only for you. The encouragement & grin you give him are worth the embarrassment of the action for sure!

♡ Would love to learn from you, so open up about your skills & Jihoon will have a bunch of questions for you. He's so smart too he'll ask really good ones, really trying to think deeply about your passions.

♡ Smiles so big once you break the touch barrier omg it'll be some of the happiest you see him I promise just do it!!!

♡ Purposely walks next to you on a chilly evening so he can 'spur of the moment' offer you his jacket 'you know, if you needed it since you looked sort of cold & I'm not really...' then once again looks so happy & proud at the sight of you in his jacket, goes from 🥺 to 😏 real quick!

DK

♡ Yeah, you're going to know.

♡ He literally trips & falls the moment he sees you, prompting a reverse kdrama moment where you catch him, but he's such a good sport about it he just bursts out laughing & you do too so hey it wasn't all bad right???

♡ Pretty much follows you around after that, sticking by you & chatting a whole bunch but you can't complain because he makes you feel really comfortable & is super down-to-earth about it, listening as well as he talks.

♡ Gets so goofy around you, but it's cute so he gets a pass FDGSVCHSD 'Oh (y/n), I think you dropped this! *reaches into pocket, pulling out a finger heart & grinning*'

♡ Any hobby you have, he wants to try it too, preferably with you teaching him. Especially if it's something hands-on where you'll have to guide him 👀 but mostly because the things you love are a piece of you & he wants to experience that!!!

♡ Uses your name a lot because it shows how much he likes you & that your name is special to him!

♡ Seokmin adores doing funny skits with you, please play along & do the little voices with him it’ll make him so happy 😊

♡ Accidentally grabs your hand once while laughing really hard & it lives rent free in his mind because you don’t pull away so the gears are always turning in his head now how he’s going to recreate that 🥲

♡ Has a mental tally going with evidence of if you like him or not, but he second guesses himself & starts to try to find ways to test it like watching if you do the same things to the other guys

♡ He is just forever excited to see you, will always be bouncing on his heels to greet you & invite you to sit by him!!!

Mingyu

♡ You'll know pretty soon because he wants you to know. Uh, duh, how else is he going to date you???

♡ Glances at you a lot & also tries to catch you looking/staring if you are. If you guys meet eyes by chance, he'll wink & if you burst out laughing or get giggly his heart will melt.

♡ Suddenly goes macho mode, insisting electing to become the one who moves things out into the room & opens things up, probably also stretching the truth a bit by saying oh yeah, the guys always come to him for stuff like this.

♡ Conversations he is in become conversations you are involved in, as Mingyu will find any possible way to bring you into them even in the most mundane cases ever like people could be talking about the weather & he can still find a tie-in.

♡ Puts on an act of some retro bit just so he can take you by the hand & lead you somewhere gingerly but smoothly gliding with you, fingers tightening just so over yours.

♡ Will dramatically run a hand through his hair 'when you're not looking, the whole time internally trying not to be like 👀 straight at you

♡ Total flirt, like the type to say 'is that a challenge?' at any possible opportunity & playfight with you!

♡ Loves making things for you! Absolutely expect Mingyu to try his hand at whipping up a snack you like by hand because it's that much more personal that way 😌

♡ Playfully steals things from you & runs away, but not very fast because he wants you to catch him ❤️

♡ Despite all the flirting, he actually prefers non-appearance compliments because those are more genuine in his mind. Instead of telling you you look pretty, he'll more often compliment how much fun you are to be around or how intelligent you were when you figured something out!

The8

♡ DGFGDCSCVSGHCSVS you ain't gonna know shit at least not at first. Don't worry, he's super nice, you just won't be able to discern special treatment immediately like you could with some of the other guys!!!

♡ The type to want to get to know you before really considering having legit feelings for you, so he'll watch how you interact with others, making sure you're kind & respectful, then will ask you some questions too.

♡ One thing he'll probably want to know about you is what your goals are & your livelihood. He'll try his best to slip in a compliment to what you do & relate to it if he can find a connection.

♡ Definitely not the 'let you win games' kind of crush, he's gonna make you work for it 💀 but it'll be a laugh even if it's a little at your expense shhh

♡ Conversely if he feels like anyone is teasing you too hard he'll tell them to stop right away & probably check on you afterward too 🥺

♡ You become a muse for him, so he probably asks if he can take your picture if you wear something cool, strike an interesting pose, pick a flower, anything photogenic. That picture becomes an important memento to him, too, though, not just a symbol of the world's beauty.

♡ Wants you to know you can come to him with advice, opening up to you & showing your opinion a lot of respect to encourage that dynamic with you.

♡ Has tea ready for you every time you visit 🥺 learns exactly how you like it so he just pours it & makes it like your personal barista every time!!!

♡ Not afraid to very bluntly ask deep questions like if you believe in an afterlife, what's the most important character trait to you, what legacy would you most like to leave behind in the world, because those are important & any partner of his would be involved in plenty of late discussions like that.

♡ Minghao wants to experience nature with you, so he'll probably invite you outside or to share a beautiful view with him because he loves the way your face lights up & the wonderful sight reflects in your eyes 😌

Seungkwan

♡ It is Seungkwan's mission for you to NOT!!! KNOW!!! He likes you! Because that's embarrassing!!! But also he really really wants you to like him so 🤷🏻‍♀️

♡ Man is so incredibly smiley around you please 😭 he lights up whenever you walk into the room & will gradually head over to you because again, he is not obvious not at all.

♡ Cracks so many jokes around you because hey, funny people are cool, right? & also he's just a natural comedian anyway. Feels his chest grow four sizes when it works & you're laughing lots around him.

♡ You will never want a single thing while Seungkwan is around. He'll fetch you a drink, grab anything you want to try for you, go get a chair for you, totally bring the whole party to your sector if you look like you're feeling isolated.

♡ Very very shyly works on breaking the touch barrier starting with a simple 'oh hey, you have a little something...here, let me get it' & working up to putting a hand on your arm in mock condolence or when addressing you in conversation.

♡ Hypes you THE HECK UP!!! You're so good at what you do, you did so good at that song/dance, you're really nice he's having a great time talking to you fyi. If you take the spotlight, he'll be like your personal Vanna White.

♡ If you start hyping him up or getting touchy-feely though, Seungkwan will become a blushy, flustered mess so fast & mess up his next three attempts at a sentence 🥺

♡ LOVES to have little running jokes with you, anything that feels like it's special to you two just makes Seungkwan's heart go 💗 & makes him feel connected to you so he'll never let those jokes die.

♡ Will try to compliment your appearance, but will have to recover from his jaw dropping & will be super shy about it!!!

♡ No matter what, he'll take time to talk to you & you alone, paying full attention to what you're saying so hopefully you feel special, worth his time, & like you're truly connecting.

Vernon

♡ Discreet king. You won't be able to figure out his feelings until you want him to, but that's also because he's lowkey hard as shit to read lol

♡ Vernon is a little awkward with you, but in the endearing way where he's just really kind in a guy-next-door way so that's how you assume he is, like his swag attempts just fall flat which he realizes is a good thing anyway because pretense is gross.

♡ Once that hits he realizes he just got in his own head, calming down & just asking you some good old-fashioned questions like what you do for a living & what you enjoy doing because that's a better way of seeing if you guys actually connect & Vernon personally needs more of a foundation than 'hey look someone pretty'.

♡ One of his first questions is probably what kind of music you listen to because A. it's good icebreaker stuff, not weird B. everyone likes to talk about their favorite music C. it'll give Vernon a lot of insight into you & give you a great diving board for common ground.

♡ He's so easygoing with compliments, he doesn't realize how smooth he is sometimes. It's just so casual, like 'hey, I like that shirt. looks good on you :)'.

♡ Subtly tries to flex how well he knows you by answering questions in your stead, like asking for your favorite drink in front of you when another member starts offering drinks.

♡ Wants to know your thoughts on anyyyyyything before it gets done. Practically lets you make decisions for him because he doesn't really care...except suddenly he cares what you think 🤔

♡ One hundred percent the type to send you memes he found. You basically become his meme reviewer & he acts like you're the only one who gets them please feel special it's an honor ok?

♡ Not a toucher, but will lend you his headphones & put them on your head himself & make it feel strangely intimate & heart-fluttering as he slides them gently in place.

♡ Vernon is the only one allowed to sit next to you on movie nights, he doesn't make the rules except oh wait, he does oopsie 😘

Dino

♡ Dino would be such an interesting mix of forward & not obvious when it comes to showing his feelings 🤔

♡ Mr. Passion over here makes it HIS LIFE MISSION to talk to you & seem really cool & make you laugh & make you his.

♡ Walks so confidently up to you & introduces himself, completely nailing the first impression. Turns around so happy from your first successful conversation he walks into a table.

♡ Makes a point to bring up in conversation how he's been really working on vocal training in hopes you'll ask him to sing you something 👀

♡ Very encouraging, tries to get you to share in his spotlight half as a way to make you feel confident too & half to connect you & him in everyone's minds. Like if they ask him to perform something, you become his assistant/partner/congrats, you're getting dragged up to do it too.

♡ Probably takes up juggling or some shit so he has another cool party trick to bust out in front of you lmao

♡ The type to come up to you at a gathering if you look bored or lonely & pull you onto the dance floor because that will not do at all!

♡ As energetic as he can be, he holds your hands SO. GENTLY!!! The first time you guys dance, it's like you're made of the most precious substance known to man & he wouldn't dare cause a single bit of harm to it.

♡ Laughs at all of your jokes, even if he doesn't think they were that funny 🤫 & tries to learn your humor style so he can joke with you accordingly!

♡ When you walk together, offers to link arms like a gentleman, though in truth his heart is beating out of his chest when he does 💗 it's worth it when you agree & he gets to pull you close, looking at you like you're the most special thing he's seen & his resolve to complete his mission solidifies that much more.

[sanzaibian]

Life is really unjust.

My name is Killian Ndiaye, and I’m intimately acquainted with its bad side. My father died while I was young, leaving me to be raised along with my younger sisters by only my ma. We weren’t rich by any means, so it meant that my ma made ridiculous hours at her job, and that us, when old enough, had to pitch in with part-time jobs.

Thankfully, I was quite an intelligent kid, and still managed to have quite good grades. However, that didn’t mean that school life was easier, as I was always labeled as the “poor nerd” in class, wearing the few simple clothes I owned and sporting the buzzcut my ma cut for me. As she always said, others just cared more about looks than about life.

However, this was not the last of my struggles, quite the countrary as it turned out that I wasn’t the cis straight man I was supposed to become. High school was formative in that sense, as it’s in there that I noticed that I wasn’t into girls like the other guys my age were, and like ma expected me to be.

I… had a very hard time admitting that I was gay. Ma always told me that those “queers” didn’t know what life was like, and that they were just living carelessly, wasting their parent’s efforts… I didn’t want to wast my ma’s efforts, as I love her, yet I couldn’t hide from the truth. I’m gay, and that’s just it.

I vainly thought that I just needed not to be like “those gays”, those who live in the hairdresser’s, the clothing store and the clubs, looking all like fairies, and that everything was going to be alright. How shameful it was when, at 17, I started questioning my gender, so disconnected I feel to masculinity and other men’s experiences, and so uncomfortable I am with the facial hair that just won’t stop growing…

I thought that if I just suppressed it, if I was just the most “normal” I could be, then everything was going to be alright. That perhaps, I just needed to alleviate a bit my dysphoria, and everything was going to be alright.

However, my ma is a very observant person. As I was approaching majority, she started to make comments about a girlfriend, and about me stubbornly shaving my face. I just dismissed those questions, still foolishly hoping that everything would end well.

When I was 18, she asked me whether I was gay. I couldn’t lie to my ma.

And we arrive to now, a few years later. My ma “didn’t want a fairy in her house”, so I stayed with a few friends. But when they went to college and I couldn’t, I was left to fend for myself alone. Now, I live in the streets, and spend my time alternating between finding part-time work and begging in the city. I do it whenever I need to go somewhere, and though I don’t do anything illegal – I even spend some of my meager funds on a transports card – it absolutely does not mean that I’m suddenly well-liked.

Few are those who spare any money. And on top of that, because I’m a black man, I hear plenty of racist comments. As if they thought I didn’t hear them asking me to “return to my country”, even though I’m already there…

And the most depressing fact of this all is, because I can’t really shave anymore, my dysphoria is going through the roof. My life is hell, but I keep at it in the vain hope that I’ll be able to climb back to a respectable life.

However, today was especially terrible. I had found an interesting job of installing the equipment for a big concert, and actually ventured quite far from the center of the city to go to the big theater. When I arrived there, they told me that they weren’t looking for anyone, they had all the help they needed. Dejected, I left, but as I was leaving, another young guy entered. I hang out a bit to hear what was going on, and I heard that he was hired for the temporary job. I guess they thought I would steal from them or something…

It’s so unfair ! I love music, and at school always wanted to do something that had a link to it ! I was so hyped to work in this job ! I thought that if I worked hard enough, people would even notice me and my good knowledge of the equipment, and would consider me as a good partner for further work ! But, as ever, all those dreams were, once again, cut short…

On the way back, I started begging, but as I reached the back of the first bus, I saw what looked like a man in a dress, wearing makeup and nail polish, being harassed by an older-looking woman.

“(…) and any sensible person ! How do you expect me to do nothing while a pervert is preparing to go to women’s bathrooms and assault girls ? You should be ashamed of endangering others !

- Miss... please stop… I swear I won’t do anything bad…” The person in a dress said, clearly on the brink of tears.

- And how can I trust you ? I know you snakes, you’re just saying this to then go and continue your business unharmed !”

As she was about to continue harassing that person, I decided I needed to step in. I want there to be justice at least somewhere, even if it can’t be in my life. I step between her and the person in a dress, and ask calmly :

“Miss, please stop. They are clearly really hurt by your comments, and everybody around us is uncomfortable with this display.” I say, as I watch everyone else looking away, as if nothing’s happening. Courage shines ever so hard…

- Oh, now a beggar is coming ? You should go back to your country or find a goddamn job rather than profiting off of our hard work !” She said, clutching her designer bag, as if I was going to steal it.

- Miss, these comments are really racist. Please stop.” I stay, choosing to remain calm and composed.

- What, can’t I say what things are ? That’s really all the wokist’s fault, nowadays we can’t say anything, we have to walk on eggshells at all times ! I’m not racist, but if you want racism to stop, you have to stop overreacting at everything !”

She looks at me with a smug look, as I’m about to lose it. I can’t answer anything, because, unfortunately, one can’t argue out of nonsense ! Especially someone like me who’s not trained in rhetoric – I had part-time jobs at the time !

… at least, I can shield that person with a dress from further harassment. I look behind, and see them smiling to me, thankful for my help. If I can help at least one person, I’ll be happy.

Suddenly, the sound of thunder rings in my ears.

No one seems to be bothered by it, save for the old woman who seems to be just as uncomfortable as I am. I turn to see the person I was protecting, however their eyes glow an unnatural color… What’s-

Before I can even try and understand what’s happening, a headache strikes, and I instinctively put my hand on my face. Fuck, I hope I haven’t gotten a cold or something, medication is hard to come by…

As I’m holding my face, a few fingers make their way in my beard (ugh). But suddenly, I feel it shifting. Intrigued, I touch my beard more thoroughly, and feel the hairs receding, growing smaller and smaller, until they finally come back under my skin.

How did that happen ? I mean, I like not having a beard, but still, it’s not normal… I look in front of me and it seems that the woman is losing wrinkles. What’s happening !

The bus stops. Quite a few people leave. Why was I here ? … yes, I had to do something with the people on it… was it work ? I don’t quite remember…

However, as I look around me, I suddenly notice that the people who looked away previously looked a little bigger. As if they were… bulking up ? As I notice that, I feel pain on my body. When I look down, it seems that my undernourished body looks more healthy… No, not just healthy, it looks… muscular ? I’m… inflating, somehow ?

The bus starts again, yet this time, its course seems smoother… I look in front of me and notice that the old – now young – woman’s hair is now tied up in a bun. Almost instinctively, I take my hand to my hair, and feel it moving.

What was a short messy afro is growing, however, something even weirder happens. As it grows, I feel strands joining, growing into large spirals. It’s no longer a sponge-like mass, it’s more like… coils ? My hand presses less and less. I need to be careful about my hair, I don’t want to have to go to the hairdresser again !

I stop myself at my thoughts. Hairdresser ? They’re a waste of time ! Only those who don’t care about life – or don’t have to care about life – go to those and try to look good. Yet… it feels good. No, actually, it feels... right…

Like, it’s right to want to look good ? I mean, look at me, I have muscles, I have good hair, I look good ! Suddenly, I feel my t-shirt straightening and softening. I look down as its color drains, and it splits in the middle. I smirk, and as the collar hardens and folds, I open it the shirt up to the middle of my chest, right as buttons materialize.

The woman in front of me, now sporting a much more formal costume, sighs and gives me a black jacket. I take it and put it on expertly on top of my dress shirt, fitting it right down to the belt holding my dark jeans. She then sits on one of the seats, more in the front of the bus.

She really looks stylish, as one should… after all, fashion is the be-all and end-all ! One of the other passengers comes to me, quite a muscular guy dressed in a black suit, and starts putting makeup on me. I close my eyes as foundation, concealer, mascara, and tattoos are put on my face and body. I can do it all myself, but having a professional do it is always better. That’s why I always go around accompanied.

I suddenly open my eyes. What the hell is happening ! I don’t have a tattoo ! I don’t do makeup ! Hair and clothes suffice ! ...

I scratch my shaved sides, until I reach my earrings. Yeah, it suffices… good hair, good clothes, good makeup and good accessories… it suffices…

“Are you good, Mx. Ndiaye ?” The makeup artist asks me.

- Yes, don’t worry, I’m good.” I say, with a deep yet feminine voice. It seems wrong somehow…

- Do you want to see the results ?

- Of fucking course !”

The makeup artist grabs a pocket mirror and holds it to me.

Oh yeah, I’m so fucking gender ! Plus my necklaces oozes fanciness. Like, it makes me look so fucking rich !

I look around me. The vehicle somehow seems more… cramped, even though at the same time it seems more spacious, with its large seats. My head hurts, it really feels like something is wrong…

Suddenly, the limousine stops. Annoyed, I shout to the chauffeur :

“Magdalena ! Why the hell are you stopping ? We’re not at the villa yet !”

The chauffeur looks back. Wasn’t she an old grumpy woman just now ? She looks so young and has such fancy clothes, even though it’s quite clear that she isn’t from high society.

Ugh, my head really hurts...

“I’m sorry, Mx. Ndiaye, we have new guests to pick up at your request.”

I look around and see that person with a dress leaving. Suddenly, it all comes back as a flash of light. I’m not supposed to be an ultra-rich person, I don’t need all of these fancy clothes and accessories ! … I’M SUPPOSED TO BE ON THE STREETS !

That person, as if they were reading in my mind, answers in a rich and deep yet slightly unsettling feminine voice :

“You have the gratitude of the calamities, Mx. Ndiaye. Accept this… gift.” They say, smiling as they get out, followed by the makeup artist and one of my two personal guards – the other staying at the front of the vehicle.

Suddenly, it’s as if a fog descends on my mind. Like, what was I thinking about ? Oh, yeah, I was thinking about my next song that I’ll film in the villa ! Ugh, it’s so annoying that my agent asks me to pump out banger after banger like, I have all the money in the world… but I guess it’s alright to work a little. This way, I get famous and get laid, and that’s the only thing that really matters.

As I’m about to shout on the chauffeur to ask why she’s not turning the limousine back on, two guys, a cute twink and hot hunk, climb aboard. I lick my lips. It’s gonna be a great night.

“So, guys,” I say, letting them take place in my arms at my right and my left. “have you heard of my new song that’s gonna come out ? If you’re good enough, I might even let you in in the filming for the clip…”

And the limousine sets off.

The sun comes to my eyes, and I wake up in a giant luxurious queen bed, with my two conquests sleeping tight at my left and my right.

I smile as I get up, naked. Yesterday’s clothes were flung in all directions, and as I approach them, I see they’re all crumpled. I chuckle. We had a ton of fun last night… Besides, Magdalena’s gonna be the one to pick that all up.

I take from the closet a nice pair of white pants and a white shirt, and put them on quickly. I go to the balcony, and look at the view.

Life is really unjust.

I get to live the perfect life, while others are left to pick up the remaining pieces.

But when you’re on its good side,

Life is fucking lit.

[neomujinjja]

More than just a dream

Pairing: Wonbin x reader

Length: 355 words Genre: fluff

Warnings: not edited, wonbin being really cute and flirty, people talking about wonbin being good-looking

Synopsis: When it came to your boyfriend, Wonbin, it felt hard to believe that you weren't dreaming. But if this was a dream then you were happily content to continue doing so.

Note: because wonnie just feels so 'Out of my league' by fitz and the tantrums coded to me. and he'd be such a crazy-inducing boyfriend to have 😵‍💫 *the - is for you to fill in with your preferred gender term; i thought about it and this is the second best option*

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

You walked outside of the building, furrowing your eyebrows at the frantic whisperings of the other people around.

"He's so handsome."

"Do you think he's single?"

"Where can I find someone who looks like that?"

"Oh my god, hot guy alert"

"How can someone still look that good in a mask and hoodie?"

You heard multiple comments along those lines, increasing your confusion at the situation. Who were they talking about? Stretching your neck, you looked through the crowd, trying to find who the mystery person. Your heartbeat raced as you caught the sight of the masked man standing a few feet away from the door. You pinched yourself as you recognized him to be Wonbin, your boyfriend of a little over a month. He seemed to find you in the crowd of people as well as his eyes light up in a smile. Wonbin waited, taking your hand as you stopped in front of him.

"How was your day?" he asked as he took your bag and began walking with you.

"It was good, surprisingly" you said, your eyes never leaving your boyfriend's face. Wonbin hummed, your joined hands swinging a little as he did so. "What brought you here?"

"Wanted to pick my - up" he said simply. You looked away, clearing your throat as you did, feeling flustered at his words and confident behavior. Unbeknownst to you, Wonbin smirked as he watched your reaction. "What? Did my words bother you?" he teased, leaning in as he did so. His hot breath hitting your ear causing you to shiver. Wonbin laughed which in turn made you huff (that only lead to more laughter on his part).

"You're weirdly flirty today.." you trailed off, looking at your boyfriend from the corner of your eye. "What's gotten into you, huh?" you questioned him.

"Nothing". Now it was his turn to get flustered and you snickered at his reddening ears and cheeks. The male whined as he threw his arms around you, leaning some of his weight onto you. But that did nothing to deter the laughter coming from you, your smile growing wider at his actions.

[drdemonprince]

I read your newsletter about "transmisandry" today. I'm a trans man and I generally agree with what you said. However, I was wondering how you would classify a particular experience of mine and other trans men I know irl or have seen online.

In short, I find that in some queer spaces, masculine and/or "binary" (meaning, not non-binary) trans men are treated as outsiders and enemies. I imagine some straight-passing queer cis men experience similar.

This prejudice against masculinity has nothing to do with us being trans, and is in no way oppressive, but it seems to me that some people have a hatred/disgust/discomfort/etc. with masculine men, especially if we are proud of our manhood. I sometimes feel excluded in queer or progressive spaces, and like I have to change myself to fit into others' idea of "acceptable" manhood.

I think this tends to emotionally affect trans men in particular because being a man is generally hard-won and joyful for us. Have you experienced prejudice in queer spaces, especially trans spaces, for being transmasculine? And while I don't believe there exists systemic misandry, is this not a form of misandry, just interpersonal?

Thanks, I really appreciate your work.

Hi there, thank you for great question. What you are describing is certainly a very real and troubling dynamic within both queer and feminist spaces, and it's put me off for a very long time. I have sometimes referred to this as "playful 'misandry' feminism", always with "misandry" in quotes because, as we've already established, it's not a real locus of systemic oppression. I have also sometimes in the past likened it to "Men's Tears Coffee Mug" feminism in its performative, self-congratulatory, typically white feminist stance.*

*in the Koa Beck sense of the term. Someone who is not white can be a white feminist.

I was always put off by performative man-hating jokes and the exclusion of men within feminist spaces because, well, I was one, and because it nearly always played out in transmisogynistic ways that were transparent to me, and because I was a major ride-or-die for men who were victims of sexual violence yet were frequently excluded from survivors' spaces (again, because I was one, even before I realized that I was).

There are a lot of troubling effects that happen when feminist women make a big performance out of finding all men to be disgusting and evil and frequently express disinterest in men's feelings or suffering (which used to be way more common in my estimation, around the early 2010's or so it seemed to peak). I was driven away from feminist spaces as a young closeted trans man because I could see such spaces were not for me or for any of the other men that I cared about and needed support. On the inverse side of things, I have spoken to many trans men who said that "playful "misandry"" feminism actively made it harder for them to realize that they were guys. Men were seen as the enemy and inherently evil and destructive and so they felt absolutely disgusting about the possibility of being a man, or feared transitioning would get them seen as a betrayer of the feminist movement.

As you rightly note, it is not just trans guys who get excluded by such dynamics. Cis men who are genuinely avowed feminists can be driven away by such forces, which is especially upsetting in the case of sexual assault survivors and queer men. Trans women and TMA enbies are excluded from feminist and women's spaces because they supposedly "look like" men to these types, and their own feelings of superficial safety rank above the actual data on who is the most at risk structurally (which is trans women). Butches are regarded in some spaces as too aggressive or unacceptably masculine because of it. And people's analysis of gender oppression just overall sucks when they buy into "playful misandry" style feminism because they go around saying shit like "femme people are oppressed by masc folks." what the hell does that mean. Does a cis, gender conforming feminine woman have less structural power than a butch lesbian? I don't think so.

It seems to me that the big problem here is that "playful misandry" feminism is rooted in a deep deep misunderstanding of the structural nature of oppression. Sexism isn't caused by patriarchy and capitalism, it's caused by "men" and so hating men and excluding them is what will fix things. Men as individuals are responsible for sexism and so women should be as detached from them and unsupportive of them as possible. This logic leads to a TERFy place really quickly, and yes, it also really really damages trans men.

My opinion is that it's best to critique this problem as the political failure that it is: a misunderstanding of sexism as individualistic rather than systemic. That's the core issue from which all the problems flow -- from rampant transmisogyny to the exclusion of cis male sexual assault survivors to the feelings of alienation of trans men. Yes sometimes naming the performative nature of "man hating" jokes and the like is helpful because people recognize instantly what that dynamic is when they hear it. But the "misandry" itself is not the core problem -- it's the shitty gender politics and white feminism.

Does that make sense? To be clear, I think it's something trans men get to talk about. I talk about it from my positionality quite a lot really. I don't think "misandry" is ultimately the helpful or clarifying way to name it, but I will sometimes throw around that term with a TON of qualifiers if I'm discussing the specific interpersonal dynamic of women saying that men are evil rapists innately or whatever. But really discussing the broader gender politics failure that leads to those little shitty comments and looks is almost always more helpful. If trans guys and cis guys are feeling excluded from a space due to these dynamics it's almost always the case that trans women, TMA enbies, butch women, and lots of women of color are too.