battlekidx2 · 6 months ago
Text
“Do you like girls?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you like boys?”
“I don’t know. I think I like TV shows.”
I remember when I was in middle school all the other girls were talking about the guys they liked and I said I didn’t like anyone. I just wanted to do my own thing.
I didn’t really get why I would want to date anyone. I understood friendship, companionship— having someone to share my interests and mutually info dump to sounded cool— but I struggled to understand the appeal of spending every day and every night with someone else. Of holding hands and going on dates. 
This led to a lot of homophobic bullying and a few of them would act disgusted that I might be into them. Constantly acting like I was looking at their boobs and sexualizing them (I never made eye contact with anyone and would frequently look at the wall or space out while looking in their general direction). Or make a big show of not being interested and many other things.
I didn’t get this either. I didn’t know why I would be interested in any of them. They treated me poorly and I thought attraction was something people made up and simply just claimed to feel towards other people.
Just like I never understood celebrity crushes. You don’t know the person so how could you possibly know you liked them? And I never understood how people “chose” who they dated. Did they just choose whoever they liked hanging out with the most?
But any time I voiced this it was always met with worse and worse reactions. It led to isolation among peers and my family. My parents made it pretty clear I wasn’t who they wanted me to be. That I wasn’t normal.
I soon learned to fake it. Pretend I understood it.
The idea of not being attracted to anyone seemed like a foreign idea to most people I met. Even when I branched out and moved away, I met a few people in the lgbt community who couldn’t grasp it either and reacted poorly and it made me feel stupid. Like maybe I wasn’t just screwed up to people who fit in the neat little box society wants you to fit in, but to everyone else as well.
Maybe I was wrong. If it’s an impossibility even in this community that champions diversity and acceptance then can that really be my reality?
I kept trying to force it. To date, but every time I did I always felt that same skin crawling discomfort and it always petered out. It didn’t matter who it was or what gender. It always felt wrong. It was suffocating.
I don’t think there’s a movie that better portrays that all consuming, suffocating stagnation of feeling so out of place– knowing you’re out of place compared to those around you– and in response forcing yourself to fit what other people expect of you than I Saw the TV Glow.
Whenever I think back to growing up or whenever I return home that same feeling this movie is centered around always drenches my experiences.
And even now it’s hard to put into words when I talk to other people what I’ve felt when it comes to this aspect of my life.
That comment from Owen about knowing there’s nothing there when talking about romance and attraction, but being too afraid to look and knowing that his parents know something is wrong with him hit harder than any other scene from a movie I’ve watched this year.
It’s that absence of something that is at the heart of asexuality that makes me always question what I choose to identify as when I have to explain it to someone. Because for the most part my explanation boils down to (in broad oversimplified terms): I’ve never felt attraction, I’m more interested in watching a Spider-Man movie than I’ve ever been into even just the idea of dating, every time I’ve attempted to date it’s been uncomfortable and I’ve actively dodged anything beyond friendship while in the “relationship”.
And when I try to voice that to another person it always feels like those experiences don’t hold water. That’s describing the absence of something. There’s no real proof of the identity.
With being bi or gay or lesbian there’s something you can I don’t know—point to?— that can help you know your identity.
And that’s the fact that you’ve experienced attraction towards one or more people of one or more genders.
It’s defined not by the lack of something but the presence of an experience.
And so every time I try and explain it I end up feeling stupid. Like I just haven’t tried hard enough to find someone compatible. That I need to get back into the proverbial saddle and try again. I always in some way feel ashamed and backtrack as a result.
This is in no way to say that it’s harder or easier to be one identity or the another. Everyone’s experiences are different and everyone experiences are valid. This is just a struggle I’ve found that’s unique to asexuality that many people I’ve talked to have also experienced.
I haven’t felt that part of my experience be seen in media until I saw this movie. Maybe I’m latching onto what I can get or maybe that was an intrinsic part of the movie. That’s not important. What’s important is that it’s something I felt seen in even if it was literally just one scene.
This is my really long winded and roundabout way of saying that I really think this movie is going to stick with me much longer than any other thing I’ve seen this year.
Things can be hard to put into words and as a result I tend to keep things inside. I’m fairly certain I’m ace but it might turn out I’m on a different romantic spectrum then I thought or I fall somewhere different than I thought on the ace spectrum. I don’t know what I’ll discover in the future.
I’m likely not going to express my label out loud to anyone but a select few. I still can’t express this particular label out loud to many people. My family is definitely never going to hear it. A friend or two might.
It’s something I struggle with on a regular basis. I’m fine with identifying with the label in my head—in a lot of ways it makes me feel comfortable and happy— but any time I try to voice it the words die in my throat and I can’t help but feel ashamed. It’s easier to just tell people I don’t want to date right now. That there are all these factors in the way (finances, time, jobs, etc) than it is to try and explain what I’ve just rambled about above.
I know many people have felt and understood that experience and I hope people know they’re valid. You can express your identity with your full chest, shout it from the rooftops and let people know, or you can keep it to yourself, identifying as your label solely in your head. Both experiences are valid. And if your label changes at some point in your life that doesn’t make what you chose to identify as at this point any less valid too. People are always learning and growing. You can gain a new understanding of yourself as time move forward.
Sorry for the way too long ramble. This movie made me feel things.
765 notes · View notes
starwarjotta · 9 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
Cody surrounded by family and the people he loves, because that is what he deserves
2K notes · View notes
silicated · 2 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
legacy
1 | 2 | [3] | 4
505 notes · View notes
sigulary · 5 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
Something silly and soft for the soul
525 notes · View notes
drawnfamiliarfaces · 7 months ago
Note
Has Ben's habit of casual flirting caused any problems for him or the team?
Probably not as much as his casual flexing with Omnitrix tbh xD Which is basically flirting for this guy!
Tumblr media
Though admittingly HoM Ben is not as flirty as it might seem at first. As he grew up, it became, as you said, a habit - more of a part of his heroic/public persona that he developed after becoming a hero celebrity across the (alien part of) universe.
It tends to make people (especially those who know him by his reputation first) feel easier around him and/or underestimate him if he is just some silly guy who flirts. (I mean he is silly guy who casually flirts, but he is also just a dude and so much more, as we all know.)
There were a few instances when it brought trouble, but also sometimes it helped them out too. But, let's just say that HoMies tend to look out for Ben not to say something unfortunate whenever he tends to be too friendly.
Actually there is another casual flirter in their friend group that brings almost as much trouble as Ben - it's Jake! Some of his casually flirty/overly friendly behaviour can be attributed to him becoming an American Dragon in his early teens (he really enjoyed his newfound cool dragon powers and popularity amongst magical folk), and some of it is just his personality (his behaviour was incredibly cringy at times when he was younger, but as he matured, it changed into something a little bit more charming).
Tumblr media
When those two are on a mission together, others have to work overtime to keep an eye on them.
Tumblr media
Which is ironic, because I 100% headcanon almost all of the HoMies masters of accidental rizz: they make people like them just by being themselves lol.
Tumblr media
525 notes · View notes
pbnmj · 11 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
tfw the man you love against your better judgement gets a kid to help him with his photojournalism and dies trying to expose the criminal he's been blackmailing and then the kid puts on a uniform that's way too big for him and calls himself spider-man after ben urich and you know he's going to get killed trying to serve justice to all the criminals in new york. and now there's a sixteen year old kid bleeding out on felicia's doorstep and again despite her better judgement, she cares. how much of that is a misplaced sense of responsibility for her dead lover, and how much of that is the deep feeling of injustice over how this child is the one fighting, and how felicia knows that she could never turn him away. what then </3
588 notes · View notes
hellspawnmotel · 1 year ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
I finished wild arms yesterday! what a great game
740 notes · View notes
butchdiaz · 3 months ago
Text
i'll be the north star that takes you home
@911actions for stewyroyz dedicated to intheesnow on twitter. donate if you can! also my contribution to @summerofbuddie week 1: mixed media! <3 (listen with headphones if u can!)
tags! @goldenbcnes @chronicowboy @eddiesbegins @poughkeepsies @ilostyou
@anirudhpisharody @try-set-me-on-fire @jeeyuns @inapastlife @userautumn
@eddiebabygirldiaz @leothil @mustachediaz @jjudaslips @exhuastedpigeon
@shitouttabuck @bvckandeddie @wearherlikeanecklace @oneawkwardcookie @diazly
@smallandalmosthonest @canonfageddie @freakazoidfag @heterosexistly @kinardbuckleys
@sibylsleaves @loserlesbianbf @cranberrymoons @fruitydiaz @hunybody
@queerbuckleys @roy-kents @singlethread @dadbodbuck @wellcollapse
@spoilerspawn @spacediscos @daughter-of-winterfell @comeon-intothemadhouse @gayedmundo
@captain-hen @watchyourbuck @iinryer @thatbuddie @lesbianrobin
221 notes · View notes
wilsonsmcgillsweatshirt · 1 year ago
Text
"Deep inside, Wilson believes that if he cares enough, he'll never have to die."
What the fuck were the House writers on
669 notes · View notes
polarsirens · 5 months ago
Text
hooo
146 notes · View notes
poorly-drawn-mdzs · 2 years ago
Text
Tumblr media
First appearance
[First] Prev <--> Next
1K notes · View notes
khaopybara · 7 months ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
#FK1stFMinBrazil
182 notes · View notes
willowser · 1 year ago
Text
oh my god, fine, i didn't go to bed because 🥺 what about nerd kirishima 🥺
like it's sero's fault that you even meet him, because he keeps flinging shit at you across your shared desk, and you get into this stupid war with office supplies that turns VIOLENT, until one of you — him, for sure — gets their foot caught in the web of wires under the table and yanks them all out, causing both your computer screens to go dark.
"you idiot, you're gonna get us fired!"
and he's like, "chill, chill, chill, i can fix this."
and his idea of "fixing it" is calling the company's support desk and asking for his buddy kirishima to come down to your department because he's got something cool to show him. and the "something cool" is the absolute disaster of dusty, unplugged cables that are hanging loose on the floor.
the first thing you notice about him — because how couldn't you — is how big he is ????? this little dweeb from support, who is actually not little at all. six foot something, with a white button-up that's clearly too tight on him, his red hair pulled back into a bun, and some STUPID. LITTLE. GLASSES. WAAAAAHHH.
and he gets on his knees — slacks straining over his thighs — to look under your desk to fix this mess, and he keeps having to readjust his STUPID. GLASSES. and you're just sitting perched on the edge 😌 watching him 😌
you ask him, "want me to hold that for you??" and he SMACKS his head into the underside of your desk, hissing out a little "ow, shit!" before rearing back to look up at you, a lil wide-eyed, pink-cheeked !!!
very quickly, his eyes cut to where your legs are crossed in your skirt, right by his head, before he's asking, "sorry, what?"
and he's just so stinking AKFHFUSLALHDLALA that you nod to his shirt pocket where he's got his phone, the flashlight on, struggling to see under the desk. "i said, do you want me to hold that for you?"
"oh, no, no!" kirishima is quick to look away, down to his wide, now-dusty hands. "that's—no, i don't want you to have to do that! thanks, though!"
"you should," sero pipes up, sitting in the chair at his desk, useless. and he's probably got, like, twizzlers or something from the vending machine, chewing on them as he grins at kirishima. "should get down on your knees and—"
"dude!" kirishima grits, neck bobbing as he swallows. and now even his ears are pink, so you can't help but to ask—
"you don't want me to help you?"
and he's like, stressed !!! like, "oh, no, no, that's not what i meant! if you wanna get down here, then i'd be glad—or, y'know, if you—"
but the more he keeps talking, the more nervous you can see him getting, and the more your smile stretches until he's just ducking back under the desk before you can tell that he's starting to sweat akfjeisjdjalndhak
829 notes · View notes
athina-blaine · 5 months ago
Text
kb/ms is truly transcendental yaoi, spectacular, amazing, 10/10, no notes ... from the perspective of a mithrun enjoyer
as a kabru enjoyer, however...
I'll start off by saying that of course Kabru doesn't want or need a romantic relationship to be fulfilled, especially not with a white man, none of them do, it's all non-canon, Dungeon Meshi isn't about romance or shipping, yes yes yes, but none of us are here for that right now!! We're here to fruitlessly argue why my blorbos kissing makes more sense than your blorbos kissing!! You know it, I know it, none of us are free of cringe!! Clown on clown violence!!
That being said ... 🤡
I just don't see what Kabru gets out of kb/ms. With Mithrun, it makes sense; Kabru has a huge impact on him and ultimately helps him reaffirm his will to live. That's very exquisite drama and excellent character writing. But with Kabru, I just don't feel that Mithrun's character interacts with his personal flaws and would instigate his growth anywhere close to the same degree. I have to imagine most fics involving them focus more on Mithrun's baggage and how Kabru helps him heal from that ... because that's mostly all that happens between them in the main story, lol!
And like, that makes sense, because ultimately chapters 61-62 aren't about Kabru and Mithrun; they're about Kabru working through his conflicted feelings in helping Laios conquer the dungeon. I think it's ironic seeing people complain about kb/ms having Kabru be Mithrun's accessory when, if anything, Mithrun's main narrative purpose, outside of illustrating the danger of the Winged Lion, is to serve as Kabru's obstacle. I'd even argue Mithrun represents Kabru's personal bad ending; Mithrun wants him to kill Laios and surrender the dungeon to the canaries, preventing the short-lived races from ever understanding how dungeons function and returning to the status quo that had gotten Utaya destroyed. It's only when Laios practically forces Kabru, straight up puts his thumbs to the screws, to work past his reticence and be emotionally vulnerable that Kabru finally puts himself on the right path to achieve his goals (it's, uh, still a bit of a bumpy ride, but they get there in the end, lol!). If he'd been this way with Laios from the beginning, he might have understood Laios' intentions from the start and saved himself a lot of pain, but it's only because of Laios' influence that Kabru is able to grow as a character and get his happy ending.
(And even if one were a Mithrun enjoyer, ultimately the main source of Mithrun's life affirmation comes from the canaries. In that final scene, Kabru gets the ball rolling because he's outside of the canary hierarchy, but the scene ends with Mithrun being embraced by the canaries and as far as I'm aware the two don't interact with or reference each other post canon at all. Hell, it's Senshi who really drives the point home. Not that it matters when we're all wearing shipping goggles here, but it felt remiss not to mention it.)
At most, I can see how taking care of Mithrun would force Kabru to reexamine how poorly he takes care of his own body and that could make for some good drama. But even then, that change is ultimately instigated by Laios' influence on him, an extension of how Kabru wants to understand how Laios can see the value in monsters in an attempt to better understand his own trauma. If a person were to get into Dungeon Meshi specifically for Kabru and wanted to ship him with someone in a way that's most interesting for him, I'd be hard-pressed to argue there's a better choice than Laios (although who'd be cringe enough to do something like that haha right guys ... [sweating])
(Side note, though, I really don't vibe with the argument that kb/ms "reduces Kabru to a caretaker role" and that's why it's bad. There's plenty of instances where Kabru shoulders his friends' burdens (helps Kuro learn common tongue, listens to Daya's fiance about his relationship troubles, etc) and, more importantly, is seemingly happy to do so. I think Kabru genuinely enjoys looking after his friends and in the story seems to find plenty of personal satisfaction getting Mithrun to eat. I understand it has the potential to be more troubling considering Kabru is a brown man and Mithrun is a white man, but idk, it just feels on the same level as people trying to discount labru by saying Laios wouldn't take enough of an interest in people to want to start a romantic relationship, when his whole thing is that he does want to connect with people and just feels like he can't. It's not a bone I feel like picking, haha)
I honesty don't mind characters being "mischaracterized" in fandom or fic even to a large degree, I know it bugs a lot of people but I respect that ultimately fandom is little more than picking up the vague outline of a doll and playing with it and mashing their faces together. Besides, if I'm really worked up about it I can just write a fic and set the record straight myself, haha. This post is merely inspired by the supremely annoying subsection of twitter that acts like labru is the ship where it's just two dudes sitting in a room together. I'm just saying, Kabru ends the series whispering into the ear of another man as his day job and it's not Mithrun lmao
91 notes · View notes
sukibenders · 3 months ago
Text
"Rhaenyra isn't the stepmother, she's the mother who stepped up!"
Tumblr media
The HOTD writers themselves are hardly doing anything to support that narrative, so I take this rhetoric with a grain of salt. While I think, in some way, Rhaenyra does care for Baela and Rhaena....if I had to point out a motherly figure for them that could pose as someone stepping in Laena's place, Rhaenyra would not be it.
#house of the dragon#hotd#hotd critical#rhaenyra targaryen critical#baela targaryen#rhaena targaryen#this mainly just comes from my frustration with this fandom painting rhae as overly motherly toward baela & rhaena#making it seem like we had so much to go on for her being a good stepmother when it's really the bear minimum#there's more with rhaenys being there for them than with rhae--- both physically & verbally#even with scenes where she's with them: for baela it holds more of political means with her having a dragon and then using her to see corly#like sure she could be concerned about her well-being but it's definitely not on the same level as with her sons#don't even get me started on with rhaena bc that “be a mother to them” line had me 🤬#and her referring to her sons as hers and the pain of sending them away but not adhering to rhaena's emotional needs and feelings of inferi#rity--- like it didn't sit right with me especially when she couldn't even be bothered to hug her#i like to enjoy headcanons about their relationship but the canon material doesn't stray far either#rhaenys raised baela alongside her on driftmark she sought rhaena out when they met after so long#she advocated for rhaena to her husband over joffery--- she's their grandMOTHER that stepped up tbh#tbh i wouldn't really be rocking with my stepmom if she sought after & slept with my dad at my mom & stillborn brother's funeral#barely comforted my sister and i when we were injured in a fight (only her sons)#then got married to said father not long after said funeral...like i'd be pressed tbh!#dni if you can't have a collected conversation about this#rhaenys targaryen#(also just bc im a little critical of rhae doesn't mean i hate her in comparison to others she's not that bad tbh)
62 notes · View notes
emry-stars-art · 11 months ago
Note
Have you seen that gifset about harbor seals who sleep underwater by wedging themselves between rocks? But then sometimes just freely roll "like a hotdog on the ocean floor"
It just made me think of Nicky in the mer-au for some reason this morning hahaha
Seeing that gifset make it's circles around my Internet presence was a GIFT and I STILL LOVE IT so much 😂 (thank you for your patience with the answer here) they're so cute look at these lil guys they are gorgeous indeed
Can you imagine mer Nicky as the subject of some documentary. I know I have the actual aus set sometime before technology but like. Nicky would be perfect to study and hang out with 😂💕 you're making me want to do a little page pretending to be a mer biologist againnnnn ugh it's so much fun. If you guys have ever thought about doing smth like that you should, it's the best lol
Also while we're talking about water rests; I wasn't gonna bother posting this but hey opportunity arises. Jellyfish are pretty light so they'd also get swept away in currents pretty easy so jellyfish mers absolutely like to wedge themselves between rocks to sleep - but most shark pods are always moving, so jellyNeil and sharkDrew eventually have to find a happy medium which ends up as so:
Tumblr media
Keep your jellyfish from floating away with this one simple trick (cuddling it to your chest while it sleeps) ✅
Find the mer au master post here 💕
352 notes · View notes