#had a whole conundrum about who to draw

[cosbeans]

happy maid dress day <33333

[lemondoddle]

YOU BROUGHT YOUR DOG(BOY)

[I.D. seven photos of pencil drawings of marble hornets characters with dog/cat ears and tails. first is jay making a slightly worried face with cat ears, next is tim with droopy basset-hound style ears replacing his sideburns as he makes a mildly questioning look. third is alex with cat ears that are slightly pointed down and a flicking tail matching his unimpressed expression. fourth is brian who smiles with lab/retriever ears and a wagging tail, and fifth is jessica who makes a nervous face with greyhound ears and a pointed tail. image six is two doodles an a four panel comic. the doodles are of hoody with ear bumps at the side of his hood and alex hissing with flat ears. the comic starts with tim grabbing hoody by the collar and growling in his face, the next two panels are tim going "wait..." and sniffing hoody, who catches on and tries to pry himself out of tim's grip. the final panel shows tim's face in horrid realization saying "no..." the final image is a three panel comic of jay and tim post entry 74. in panel one tim helps a sleepy jay sit up while saying "alright, up you go." in panel two jay leans forward into tim, beginning to purr. tim makes a surprised and flushed expression. the final panel has tim's tail wagging rapidly as his whole face flushes and he thinks "at least he won't remember this..." while jay continues to purr. end I.D.]

Bonus stuff and rambling under the cut heehee

[I.D. a photo of pencil doodles and a screenshot of chat messages. the doodles consist of the operator with bunny ears, a full body drawing of catboy jay standing with his camera, an uneasy look on his face and tail puffed in fear, and a comparison of dogboy tim and catboy masky with an unequal sign, question marks, and a doodle of me making a confused expression going "hhhhh". the chat messages are all also sent by me and read as follows:

a drawing of tim and jay as an actual cat and dog in a standoff

damn marble hornets looks different than how i remember

(the rest are in all caps) no

no

bring him back give him back

end I.D.]

firstly, tim has caused multiple unnecessary conundrums in this scenario bc usually my catboy style has the human ears as well but i really wanted to do droopy basset hound ears for tim (to replace the sideburns and also i fell like thats more his vibe) but then the human ears would be covered by the dog ears so i had to just nix double ears entirely as well as dissonance bc tim is So dog-coded but masky is like literally a cat so like what do i do there. maybe ill just make separate catboy masky 🤭 the other thing also ties into dogboy tim bc ig kinda the whole inspo behind this is when i did my first watchthrough of the series i was CACKLING at the bit in entry 77 when tim is like "DROP IT" bc he sounds like someone scolding their dog 😭😭 which got into the conversation (hi cris) of the reason tim and jay dont get along is bc tim is dog coded and jay is cat coded, leading me to make the previously seen doodle, completely unaware of what was about to happen, and there's my reaction to That Scene in entry 80. if you read all this i award you one kiss on the forehead mwah

[your-divine-ribs]

No Nut November Part 1

Words: 4.8k

Warnings: SMUT! You help your boyfriend Van uncover his secret submissive side… ❤️

Imagines Masterlist Main Masterlist

"What the hell did you just say?"

You're sitting in the pub with your boyfriend, huddled in closely in a small booth. You were only nipping in for a quick pint, but one pint had turned into two, which had then inevitability turned into three... and now the table in front of you is littered with glasses and you've lost count.

You don't reply straight away, giggling to yourself as you take a sip of your lager. Van eyes you with amusement over the top of his glass as he also takes a swallow.

"I said No Nut November!" You announce suddenly, and your voice comes out a lot louder than expected, travelling cross the crowded pub, drawing the attention from an elderly chap propping up the bar.

Van's eyes widen and he swallows the mouthful of lager too quickly, a hand shooting up to his mouth as he starts coughing and spluttering violently in between gales of laughter.

"What... the fuck... even... is that?" He manages in between laughing and practically choking on his drink.

You're laughing too at his comical reaction, and now you're both so loud that you've also caught the eye of a middle-aged couple sitting in the booth next to you. They eye you distastefully but you're too inebriated to care now, you're having way too much fun.

"The clue's kind of in the name..." you say, placing your empty glass down on to the table, enjoying the way Van's face scrunches in confusion as he ponders the conundrum.

He's drunk too, that daft, silly, tipsy drunk he gets that you love so much. The heavy-lidded eyes and the dopey expression and the way that his usually affectionate nature just amplifies a hundred-fold. You watch him mull over the words, nudging him teasingly.

"Do I have to spell it out? No... Nut..."

That's the lightbulb moment. His shocked expression quickly turns into a look of what can only be described as horror.

"No nut? Like no..." He pauses, his voice hushing into a dramatic whisper. "Sex?"

You nod emphatically, smiling at Van's visible panic.

"For the whole of the month? Like nothing? None at all? Not even..."

You don't let him finish, folding your arms across your chest as you speak. "No sex, no blowies, no hand-jobs... and no wanking either."

"No wanking?" Van's voice raises by at least two octaves, and his volume increases too.

You hear an audible tutting noise emanating from the booth next door so you nudge Van in the ribs, urging him to keep quiet. "Keep your voice down for gods sake!"

He shakes his head, looking distraught, draining the last of his pint before turning again to you, talking in muted tones this time. "And remind me exactly why you wanna do this again?"

You roll your eyes, despairing that he can't even recall the conversation you'd been having five minutes previously. You'd been talking about abstaining, and who copes best with the lack of sex when Van's touring. You know damn well that you're the clear winner here, but Van loves to remind you that he can get you worked up in no time when he's talking dirty down the phone to you. You never used to get off on phone sex, but since your little shopping trip to Ann Summers a few months back and the purchase of certain sex toys, you're now an eager participant. And that's not the only improvement to your sex life. All of a sudden lights out, missionary position seems almost yawn-inducing.

"I didn't actually say I wanted to do it anyway," you explain. "I simply said that you wouldn't be able to manage it."

You lean back in your seat, watching Van carefully. You think you know exactly how he's going to react and he doesn't disappoint, drawing his bottom lip in between his teeth, his brow furrowed as he considers your words. When he looks up at you there's an air of determination about him, his shoulders squared as he turns his body to full face you.

"Are you challenging me?"

You mirror his posture, smirking gleefully. "Maybe I am. But there's no way on this earth you'll manage it anyway, so it's silly even talking about it..."

You shrug, looking down, rummaging in your handbag for your purse, but Van stills you with a hand on your arm. "Hold up. Who says I can't manage it? It's just a month, that's only like four weeks yeah? Last tour was nearly six weeks when we went to America. I definitely abstained from sex whilst we were away. I could do this easy."

He has a smug, self-assured look on his face which doesn't stay put for long when you remind him of one very important rule.

"No wanking, remember?"

Then you're up and out of your seat, making for the bar, wobbling slightly as you realise just how drunk you are. You're thankful to get to the bar and you slump against it heavily, ordering another pint for Van and half a shandy for yourself this time. You know that if you don't slow down you'll soon be in the realm of 'bad decisions' where you and Van will most likely end up agreeing to attend some tacky club night after the pub, thinking it's the best idea of your lives. It happens occasionally, and it's all good in the moment when you're dancing on the tables, miming to 90s hip hop and knocking back the tequila slammers, but when you wake up the next morning with the hangover from hell and no recollection of the past twelve hours it all changes.

You collect your drinks when they've been poured, slurping from the tops of the too-full glasses before you start back over to Van, watching him watching you as you move closer. His eyes slip down to roam over your figure as you walk, and you purposely add an extra sway to your hips, seeing his eyes glint with hunger. You laugh to yourself. He's so predictable. He'll never manage this. The man is like a walking hard-on.

Van waits until you're sitting back down and you've settled into your seat before he slips the arm that's been resting on the back of the seat down to your shoulders. "So... what's in this for me then? This so-called no nut thing? Surely I'll get something out of it other than blue balls?"

You giggle at his description, smiling up at him. "Well... it'll show your strength of mind and your willpower. And... you know... I guess if you manage to pull it off then I'll have to like... reward you or something."

You inject a sultriness into your voice, pouting slightly, pushing your shoulders back so Van's faced with the alluring sight of your cleavage. Predictably his eyes slip down, lingering longingly. You place two fingers under his chin, tilting his head up, smirking at him.

"Of course you'd have to follow the rules. No cheating."

He looks right back at you with a sexy little smirk of his own. "I reckon if the reward was tempting enough I could manage it. So what's it gonna be?"

His free hand slides across the upholstered seating and up on to your thigh. You feel a little tingle of excitement shoot through you. You love the flirtations that you and Van have. There's plenty of teasing, tempting touches and smutty insinuations, both of you drawing out the moment and ramping up the tension. You'll carry on before the two of you can't stand it any longer, then it's a quick dash for a taxi back home or an exciting hookup somewhere very public and oh-so daring. Either way your sex life is never dull, but you just can't think up anything enticing enough to reel Van in this particular time.

But maybe you don't have to. Maybe you don't have to try at all. Maybe the mystery of it will be the biggest temptation in itself.

"Maybe..." you begin, fixing him with a seductive look as you feel his hand inching further up your thigh under the table. "Maybe I'll let you do anything you like to me."

"Anything?" His eyebrows shoot up and you can practically see the x-rated thoughts scrolling through his head. "Anything at all?"

"Well yeah... I mean... within reason," you reply quickly, your own thoughts running wildly, excitement and a tinge of nerves simmering in your gut. Then you remember what the conditions of the challenge are and you relax a little, almost certain that Van has already as good as lost.

"So what about it then? You up for it?" You speak with more confidence this time, spreading your legs slightly, allowing Van's fingers to travel even further under the secrecy of the table.

"Fuck, you drive me crazy ya know? Yeah... yeah I'll do it."

His fingertips draw small patterns on the bare skin of your thighs, just below the hem of your skirt, sending shivers through you.

"Well... you better make the most of it tonight then. It's October 31st you know..."

He leans even closer and you can smell the faint scent of his cologne, feel his breath warm on your ear as he whispers into it. "And what happens... if I don't manage to do it? What then? What if I go and break the rules?"

A dark part of you stirs and starts to come to life. It blooms inside you, filling your head with sinful thoughts, a switch in the dynamics of your usual sexual encounters. You just don't know whether Van will be down for it.

You fix him with a steady gaze, your arousal rising as his fingertips dance along the hem of your skirt, straying underneath.

"Maybe then I'd have to punish you..."

You watch your words reach him, watch them sink in, his eyes widening for a second before they darken, simmering with lust, that heavy, needy way he looks at you that makes your heart pound. The thought flits through your mind that you must be mad to be offering up a challenge whereby you'll have to forego his passionate touches for a whole month, the feel of his fingers, his tongue, his cock, every single part of him that makes you feel the way that he does. The way he worships you like you're some kind of goddess, bringing you to your peak over and over before he even thinks about his own pleasure. But then you imagine how good it'll feel when you've held off for so long, how desperate and hungry he'll be for you and it sparks a fire in you, wicked thoughts of him being completely under your control, eager and needy... and all for you.

And it's not actually November yet... Not for a few more hours.

"Come on," you tell him, sliding your hand into his just as it's about to creep under the hem of your skirt, going to rise up out of your seat, urging him to follow you.

"Huh? But we've not finished our drinks yet. Where... oh... okay..."

Van's puzzlement quickly fades as he clocks the hungry look on your face. It must be pooling in your eyes... it's certainly throbbing between your legs, so much so that you don't want to lose your momentum having to wait for a taxi to transport you both home. You turn into the short corridor that leads to the pub toilets, Van trailing behind you, not even pausing even though you know you're risking being caught as you push through the door to the ladies toilets.

"Y/N..." Van mutters, and you feel resistance as he pulls back, bringing you to a stop just as you're about to step over the threshold. "Not in here... what if someone comes in?"

"No one'll know if we're quiet. C'mon... where's your sense of adventure? You're always dragging me off to do it in risky places!"

He hesitates for all of a few seconds before quickly glancing back to check the coast's clear and then urging you forwards. You both stumble, laughing, into the small room, immediately heading towards the bank of narrow cubicles lining the back wall. You take the first one, diving inside with Van hot on your heels. He turns to slide the lock across and you're already reaching for his hips, impatient, swivelling him around and pushing him back with force, causing his back to crash hard against the door.

He lets out a groan from the impact and you're just about to apologise but then you see the look on his face, the need etched into his features, and you think that maybe he wasn't voicing his discomfort as much as his arousal at your show of dominance. He reaches his hands to curl around your waist but you instinctively grab him by the wrists, watching his reaction carefully as you push them back firmly against the door. He lets you, his breathing deepening as he tips his head back against the wood. You push yourself up on your tiptoes, your lips going to his neck which you cover with kisses all over, starting gentle but getting progressively harsher, sure to leave bruises.

"Fucking 'ell..." you hear him utter under his breath, his arms flexing under your grip but he doesn't attempt to break free. "What's got into you? I like it."

"I want you... right now," you tell him, surprised by the commanding edge in your voice, feeling a strange kind of empowerment as you finally release him and begin hungrily tearing at the buttons of his shirt. One pops off and falls to the floor in your haste to uncover more bare skin. Then your fingers are deftly unfastening his belt buckle and ripping open the fastenings of his jeans, one hand slipping inside to encircle his rapidly stiffening cock.

He sucks in a gasped breath through gritted teeth as you grip him firmly, your fingers sliding down his length whilst your other hand pushes his jeans and underwear down. You feel drunk on desire, a feral kind of need overtaking you as your hands dart up to grab the edges of his shirt, pulling him forward and manoeuvring him backwards and pushing him down on to the closed toilet seat. Van just complies, his eyes fixed on yours as he looks up at you, glimmering with an awe-like wonder as he finally speaks.

"Right now you can do whatever you like to me babe... I'm all yours."

"I just fucking want you... okay?" You say, hitching up your skirt around your hips and hooking your fingers around the waistband of your panties, tugging them down your hips and stepping out of them, discarding them on the floor.

His cock's already standing proud and he looks delectable sitting there ready and waiting for you, a flush on his cheeks and his full pink lips slightly parted, so inviting that you waste no time in mashing your own lips against his, swirling your tongue around his as you rest your hands on his shoulders to steady yourself as you straddle his lap.

"I love it when you take charge," he smirks up at you when you finally break away from the kiss and you're pushing his shirt back off his shoulders. "Just want you to ruin me."

You can't help but giggle even though his request has made you feel things, a glow of desperate heat inside you. "Ruin you? Oh god you old romantic!"

He grins back, his hands smoothing down over your bare hips under your hitched up skirt, fingers curling tightly around them, sliding you further up his lap.

"It's not all about romance though is it? Sometimes you just want someone to take control and fuck your brains out!"

"I can definitely do that!" You reply, grasping for his cock, the feel of him rock hard and eager for you spurring you on. You want him and you want him now. Not slow, sensual love-making, taking the time to delight in his touch and planting kisses all over his skin, you just want to feel him inside you, all of him... every delicious inch of him.

You hover over his lap, guiding his cock to your entrance, the sigh already building in you as you begin to lower yourself down, feeling his thickness stretching you out. You temporarily forget that you're in a very public place, a loud moan bursting from you as you slide yourself completely down, the feeling of sudden fullness making your eyes roll back.

"Shit... feels so good," Van groans as you come to a rest completely in his lap, your bodies fused as one.

He bucks his hips, eager for you to move but you press down on him, stilling him, moving your own hips just ever so slightly. You can tell he's desperate for you, he needs the friction of you grinding on him, his fingers tightening their grip on your hips, enough to leave furrows on your skin. You just smile down on him, a mix of sweet and sultry, teasing him by slowly rotating your pelvis, not giving him what he wants... not just yet.

"C'mon... want you," he breathes, looking up at you with hungry eyes, his hips twitching.

"Oh you do, do you?" You purr. "You think you deserve this?"

You're enjoying this, the heady feeling of being in control, soaking up his need. You flick your hips quickly before stilling them again, drawing a moan from him which tapers off into a whine.

"Fuck Y/N... please..."

And it's the way he says it, his voice thick with desperation, the pleading look in his eyes that stirs a dark part in you that relishes the power you hold over him. You wonder how far you can take this, how it would feel to make him really beg for it.

"I don't know Van... I mean maybe you don't want it that bad..."

You emphasise your words, drawing them out slowly with a smirk, your hips lazily circling, giving him a taste of pleasure but without the pressure he needs. His eyes are glazed over with lust, yearning as he looks up at you like you can make all of his dreams come true.

"Please baby… please... I want you so bad..."

The teasing smile on your lips tells him all he needs to know. He'll get his pleasure but if you want to take your sweet damn time he'll just have to suck it up. It's your pleasure that's of utmost importance here. You reach up a hand, brushing his hair back from his face, cooing at him in a soft voice.

"What do you want... do you want this?"

You buck your hips at him harshly, just once before you press down on him again, gasping yourself from the sensation. He groans, his mouth falling agape. Your hand smooths against his hair, your fingers twisting through it, winding it tightly into a fist.

"Fuck yes..."

"Yes... what?" You tease, yanking his head back with force, a sudden movement that has an impassioned groan bursting from him, confirmation that this is turning him on just as much, if not more than you.

"Yes... please... oh fuck please Y/N... just want you to fucking use me..."

His words shock you, arousing you beyond belief, spurring you on, your hips grinding torturously slowly against him. You pull his head further back to expose his neck, sucking and biting a trail across his skin until his hips are bucking and he's letting out needy whines. His fingers are digging even harder into your hips now, insistently so, his breath coming in harsh pants as you thrust your own hips again and again.

Part of you could go on like this all nigh but it's not just torturous for Van. Your need is growing by the second, simmering uncontrollably as another thrust creates a delicious friction against your clit as your bodies collide.

"Gonna fuck you now," you whisper into his ear, catching and nipping his lobe in your teeth as you pull back to look at him, the purplish blooms of bruising that litter his pale skin, his pupils blown wide and clouded over with lust.

You let your hips pull back before thrusting back down, moving with as much force as you can muster, one hand gripping at his shoulders to steady yourself, the other still caught in his hair. Desperate, frantic groans fall from his lips as you set a fast pace right from the start, his cock hitting a spot deep inside you at every thrust which has you gasping breathlessly. You just ride him even harder, slamming your hips against his, the harsh sounds of your skin connecting filling the small cubicle.

You know he won't last long, his face screwed up in bliss, his eyes rolling back, needy grunts and gasps spilling forth. He's always been vocal in your love-making but you don't think you've ever heard him this loud before, it's like you've tapped into some primal need in him to be used and fucked like this.

At some point you're dimly aware of sounds outside your cubicle, shuffling footsteps, a door slamming, a toilet flushing, but you're fuelled by the same need as Van, desperate to reach your peak now. You reach down a hand to increase the pressure on your clit, your fingertip sliding over your slick skin, bringing you closer and closer to the high that's just out of reach.

"Fuck... fuck... FUCK..."

Van hisses out curses through gritted teeth, his body going taut below you as you slam on to him again and again, relentlessly as your own climax approaches.

You can feel him start to shudder beneath you a moment before he spills into you and you pull back to watch him, mesmerised as the intensity of his orgasm consumes him. The divine sight of him losing it drives you to your own peak, your fingers flicking quickly over your clit until you're a quivering wreck yourself, still driving yourself on to Van even though he's now a trembling mess from the sensitivity.

"Holy fucking shit!" He breathes as you finally come to a stop, panting uncontrollably, pressing up against his warm body, burying your face into the crook of his neck. "That was somethin' else!"

A warm glow of satisfaction engulfs you as you finally peel yourself away to look at him, sated and happy. "I don't know what came over me!" You laugh, taking in his blissed out expression.

"I don't fucking know but I am here for it babe... 100 percent! You were like a fucking animal!"

His lips curl into the widest grin and you can't help the loud laugh that bubbles up in your chest, bursting forth until you're both sniggering, even more so as you start to manoeuvre yourself off Van's lap, groaning at the sticky mess that immediately starts dripping down your thighs.

"Oh god, look at the state of us!"

In fact you're both so caught up in your tipsy, post-fuck haze that you don't pay any heed to the toilet door opening again, much louder this time, crashing back on its hinges. It's only when the loud, stern voice booms out that you both freeze, eyes wide and panicked, mouths wide in embarrassed horror.

"EXCUSE ME! YOU TWO! WE'VE HAD COMPLAINTS FROM THE OTHER CUSTOMERS!"

A hand shoots up to your mouth in an instant to stifle a horrified gasp as you look at Van who's expression quickly changes from shock to a gleeful kind of mischievous delight, sniggering like a naughty schoolboy who's been caught smoking behind the bikesheds at school.

"Oh... errr... sorry mate. We... errr... we'll just get going then..."

"Shhhh!" You hiss urgently, scrabbling for your panties off the floor, even though it's much too late to worry about being quiet.

The voice rings out again, even sterner this time. "Yes, I suggest you do... and may I remind you that this is a LADIES toilet..."

"Yeah... shit... yeah sorry... I... errr... got a bit confused. When ya gotta go, you gotta go though, right?"

"Van!" You whisper a warning, digging him sharply in the ribs, urging him to shut up as he tries to swallow down another snigger, clumsily fastening his jeans and buttoning up his shirt as fast as he can.

There's a disgusted kind of huffing sound before you hear footsteps and the sound of the door swinging shut, and you breathe out a sigh of relief, smoothing down your clothes and reaching for the lock on the door.

"Fuck's sake how embarrassing!" You groan. "I hope there's like a fire escape or something we can sneak out of!"

Van's still laughing, pushing you forwards gently as you edge cautiously out of the cubicle. "Nah, we've actually got to walk back through the pub to get out!"

He sounds much less traumatised than you at the thought of facing the poor unsuspecting person who was privy to your sordid toilet shag, and you can already feel your cheeks aflame as you imagine the disapproving looks you'll get.

"Bloody hell I'm never coming in here again!" You whine as Van pushes past you in the short hallway that leads back into the pub, taking the lead and grasping the door handle, striding in like he's walking out on to the stage for a performance, full of his usual confidence.

"Don't think we'll be welcome anyway love," he chuckles.

You shuffle along quickly behind him, trying to make yourself look as inconspicuous as possible even though you swear you can feel several sets of hostile eyes burning into you. "Hurry up, just get going!" You urge, butting into him, head bent down, studying the pattern on the carpet as you both make for the exit.

There's no cheery farewell by the pub landlord as you both file out of the door, Van with a huge shit-eating grin on his face and you blushing and shame-faced beside him as you come to a stop in the cold October's night chill.

"Thank god we're out of there! I've never been so embarrassed in all my life!" You shake your head, cringing as you fan your glowing cheeks, feeling a smile simmering that you can't control as Van bends over double with a huge gale of laughter.

"Your face!" He gasps, clutching his belly, uncontrollable now with his laughter, causing your giggles to start up. "Anyway... this is all your fault. If you hadn't been so insatiable..."

"Fuck off!" You laugh, landing a well-aimed slap on his upper arm which he yelps at playfully. "You were well up for it!"

"I always am with you... can't get enough of ya!"

He catches you around the waist, drawing you in. You pretend to resist for a moment before you give in, still laughing, letting him envelope you in a warm embrace which staves off the chilly breeze that's whipped up around you.

"Well... I'm glad you enjoyed it as that's it now!" You bring up your wrist to check your watch, calculating that by the time you've made your way home, November won't be far away.

"Wha..." he begins, and then you see the realisation dawn on his face. "Oh, right! The No Nut November thing. Ahh shit... I forgot about that... but it's fine... no problem... I can handle it."

He nods emphatically, a glint in his eye, still on a high from your latest encounter which makes you laugh inside. He might be confident now whilst he's still coming down from your sleazy toilet encounter but how will he feel when hours turn into days and days turn into weeks and he has to abstain for all that time? He'll never manage it.

"Well, we'll just see about that shall we?"

He scoffs at your smug grin, pulling you against his body even tighter. "Yeah, we will. Honestly love, if you think I'm gonna lose this bet you're wrong. It's gonna be worth it anyway... just gotta think up my reward... oh it's gonna be good, I can promise you that."

He dips his head down to plant a warm kiss on your lips, pulling back to reveal the seductive smile you're wearing as your thoughts stray to your own wicked plans. "Meanwhile I'll just be plotting your punishment... for when you fail."

You emphasise your words, letting them roll slowly off your tongue, coated in the promise of something dark and sultry. You can see the intrigue in his eyes even though his competitive streak won't let him give in.

"Not gonna happen!" He smirks, and you both laugh, kissing again, finally breaking away as Van catches your hand in his as you start your walk home.

Read Part 2

If you were wondering where my inspiration came for this fic, it was this ask I got… I’ve written 5 parts so far so I’ll upload the rest soon xxx

[dovand]

P.G. Wodehouse characters on panel shows

Because I had A Thought in the jerver (Jeeves x Wooster server) and had to expand it to Many Thoughts, owing to my normalness about both Wodehouse and britcom :)

Long & incredibly niche post (x"D) under the cut!

Preface: Characters covered vary and I may not be entirely accurate as I have not consumed as much Wodehouse as I'd like. Polite discussion entirely welcome (and, in fact, desired)!

QI

Jeeves would do well fact-wise but, owing to the fact that he does not watch the show and thus does not understand the format, would, on attempting to make a joke, be klaxoned to hell and back (possibly via goading by Alan). Unless he very carefully managed to dodge the goading he would not win and would be very bitter about it

The Elves would absolutely adore him btw. There'd be a behind the scenes photo of him looking puzzled/slightly scared while the Elves who are there on filming days all pose around him and grin at the camera

Would never forget to use his buzzer (regardless of how embarrassing it is) because he feels bad about interrupting. Would be very much unnerved by Stephen (obviously) and perhaps a little intimidated by how flamboyant he is. Aisling Bea would like him I think

Wooster would have no idea what was going on but would be endearing enough to make up for it entirely. Sort of like Johnny Vegas. He would have to be stopped forcibly from going on long rambling anecdotes a la Gyles Brandreth. If the host is Stephen he will not be paying any attention to anything being said the entire evening. Might win entirely by accident because he's saying nothing remotely relevant & thus is never klaxoned. (Though tbh he might have a heart attack before even starting the show on account of seeing a man who appears pretty much to be Jeeves wearing colour!)

Would get along well with Bill Bailey I think—agents of chaos the both of them. Alan would make fun of Wooster for being posh (a la the way the panel usually makes fun of Stephen). Would do very well on live demos. Stephry would adore him & he would not know what to do with it ("why is campier Jeeves so enamoured of me?"). Sandi would LOVE him. Might bring a blue whale plushie along for emotional support

Ukridge (and here my Wodehouse knowledge starts to thin) would very confidently be very incorrect but would be so charismatic about it that the Elves would forget to klaxon him until he was done speaking. Almost Rhod Gilbert-y levels of accidentally-on-purpose annoying (see: Rhod claiming that it gets totally dark at night in Denmark for like 5 minutes). Gyles Brandreth-levels of ability to talk at length. He starts spontaneously filibustering in the middle of the episode

8oo10cdc

(A.K.A. 8 out of 10 Cats Does Countdown, but the full acronym is so much more fun)

Jeeves wins. Obviously. He would be guest team captain I think, and he would absolutely carry. Jon would be awkward the whole episode because he's being outperformed by this weird posh guy. The jokes about Jimmy being weird and non-expressive and android-like would be redirected at Jeeves and he would just kind of stare blankly at them

His mascot would be something very simple or something very strange/non-humorous (like. Not even a lucky fancy pen, just a fancy pen that writes well that he can use for the working-out). He'd get the conundrum immediately

If Joe Wilkinson was on to do A Bit you'd be able to see him looking confused in the background the entire time

Wooster is hopeless. Maybe if he's on a team with Jon or Jeeves he'd be able to scrape some points but, realistically, he's drawing on his paper the whole time. He takes to the mascot-ing with abject glee & does very well with that. Panel is not sure whether to make fun of Jimmy or Wooster for being posh. Russell Howard would like him

Would be delighted by a Joe cameo. Would be very polite when requesting his letters and/or numbers. Would delight Susie Dent

Ukridge is in Dictionary Corner fucking shit up. If he knows how to work PowerPoint then he's got a PowerPoint to back up his little bit of standup; if not he's got hand-drawn posters. Nobody is quite sure what he's talking about. There's something about ungulates in there. Possibly a mention of cellular respiration. He spends the whole episode asking Jimmy for money. He gets on with Joe.

Corky, for reasons* that go entirely unexplained sits quietly next to Ukridge in Dictionary Corner for the whole episode. He is not mentioned by name once. People in the YouTube comments are asking who the weird silent guy is & if anyone else can see him & if it's some avant-garde Bit that they're doing. Someone says they wish that they'd've tried this Bit out with Jimmy

(*He's emotional support)

Archie Moffam starts crying

Mock the Week

Wooster is entirely unfamiliar with current events. Lends a Milton Jones air to the whole panel. Dressed similarly to Ed Byrne; they are both made fun of for wearing waistcoats

Jeeves is not asked onto the show because he would start doing actual fully-fledged political commentary and being so good at it that nobody would feel comfortable interrupting him

Ukridge would have either Egg Scramble (i.e. Ed Gamble) or Milton Jones vibes for reasons I cannot explain. Would get distracted by the flies & start trying to catch them in his hands

Corky is too soft-spoken to get a word in edgewise

Would I Lie To You?

Jeeves has an excellent poker face & ability to distinguish truths from lies, rendering him excellent at parlour games. Unfortunately he does not understand what there is to be enjoyed in them & as such is only invited on for one episode. He does get into a good little argument with David about something horribly pedantic, though. Also Rob makes fun of him by doing his O.O face into camera and Jeeves entirely misses it

Wooster is great at telling stories but horrible at lying. Everyone loves having him on because he tells a captivating story but it's so so easy to tell when he's lying. Might team up with Lee to annoy David. Rob really likes him. Starts spinning on his chair when they're doing pick-ups, distracting everyone

Ukridge is pretty good at playing. His comedic rant abilities rival David's, except he's not actually really trying to be comedic. All his stories end up being about Schemes & he writes them down during the episode planning to try them. People think this is a bit. It is not.

Only Connect

Jeeves is far too literally-minded for the connecting board but he does remarkably well on the rest of it. Victoria pokes fun at him the entire episode for being posh. He does not notice

Wooster's mind works in such mysterious circuitous ways that he's actually rather good at the connecting board. Unfortunately he is bollocks at the rest of it

Big Fat Quiz

Jeeves does not do very well. Too much pop culture for him

Wooster also does not do very well. His mind is like a sieve except the sieve has very big holes. Or maybe even no holes tbh. So basically his mind is like a sieve if you took the mesh out and all you have left is the metal loop around the top. Essentially he remembers nothing about anything. He brings homemade* sandwiches for the snacking segment. He is goofy & delightful enough that he does quite well be he is not invited back on account of performing so terribly. He does wear a spiffing outfit for the occasion though

(*i.e. Jeeves-made)

Ukridge does surprisingly well. He does start talking about his schemes though. He tries to get Jimmy in on them. He does not succeed

Corky is apparently the only chap who reads the newspapers. He does quite well!

Reggie Pepper also reads the newspapers but he is too busy being inexplicably hot while phoning people from bed so he only gets the barebones of most stories

Taskmaster

(I don't know if this really counts as a panel show, but what the hell.)

Jeeves takes everything literally and is very polite to Alex during all of the tasks. His prize tasks are almost all underwhelming except for one that is accidentally genius. He is so single-mindedly focused during studio tasks that he looks like he is about to murder someone the entire time. Surprise tasks/extra rules that he didn't notice prompt him to stare blankly into the middle distance. Greg is baffled by and attracted to him in equal measure throughout the season. The fanbase is very starkly divided on him. He probably wins the series but not many episodes

Wooster is a sort of Mike Wozniak figure. Endearingly baffled the entire time. Moves in an odd but captivating manner. Committed to the bit. Starts telling anecdotes while he's meant to be doing tasks. Absolutely delights Greg. Is probably lifted up in a studio session at least once (a la Jacaster)

Archie Moffam continues crying

Ukridge wears his mackintosh to studio sessions. He is overly familiar with Alex, who looks despairingly into the camera every time he is manhandled or asked to help with a Scheme. Every prize task is either an opportunity to get Greg in on a Scheme, or to offload things he does not need from previous unsuccessful (i.e. all) Schemes. He gets second place and is pleased as punch about it

That's about all I have at the present moment. Perhaps I'll update with more characters once I've ventured further into the House of Wode. Tootle-pip for now!

[altcomics]

I’m so sorry for being so stupid. I definitely should never have talked with Molly D. The language and optics look real dumb at best but I promise my innocence. Especially out of context it looks terrible. It was the height of Covid with no end in sight and I was alone through most of it . I was just happy to have the internet to talk to people with common interests. The way that I noticed her was when she would like a bunch of my picture at once. I wasn’t trolling Instagram randomly but I definitely shouldn’t have chatted with her when I found out how young she was. Seeing someone younger representing r crumb and GG Allin gave me hope for the next generations and made me curious. Curiosity killed the cartoonist. There was no way I’d have a 17 yr old stay at my place. Maybe not 18 even. I was forward projecting to some unknown future where Covid lockdowns were finished and we could see people again. And it wasn’t even with sex in mind but simply saying that there’s a bed here to crash like the kindness that was given to me a bunch of times when I was starting out. “Zine fair in town? Come crash”. Ask Liana Finck or anyone else who’s come to visit. It doesn’t mean sex. When I asked if she could keep a secret it was because I was sharing some red room pages before announcing the book and was just trying to sound cool. Tone is missing. When I said “naughty girl” it was sarcastic after she told me some simple crime or infraction she committed. The whole pile of my dms she collected to show is just awful to look at. I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to offer professional favors to anybody or use my “position” (what a joke) to get into anyone’s pants. We’re all in the art game so why not introduce new friends to old friends? When I was bringing up any professional stuff to anybody it was just common ground conversation.

 Then seeing these dms even further out of context on other news outlets and media sites. Matt P at the Pgh city paper, you know what you did to skew your narrative. Fuck you. But they surely gave themselves their own plausible deniability by asking me for comments right as I’m trying not to jump off a bridge or something.

 Molly Wright is a conundrum to me and her actions border criminal. He said/ she said never looks good but none of what she said happened and I can’t believe she’d be so malicious and pile on like this. Now that I’m officially checked out I think my family has a civil lawsuit and she should be held accountable. She pushed this over the edge into “multiple women” territory. It’s so corny. I absolutely never asked for a blowjob in trade for anything ever. She successfully made me look stupid and everybody accepted her word as fact. Citizens of the internet are playing such dangerous games with people’s lives. I never had anyone lined up for an open relationship with her. I never was interested in a relationship with her. We had sex twice and she initiated both times. The first time was a surprise. When we were done watching a movie or just hanging out (I don’t exactly remember the circumstances 4 years ago) she jumped on me and started kissing me, telling me how comfy I made her feel. We quit hanging out during Covid lockdown but kept in touch here and there and I thought things ended naturally. Thankfully her post including the piece about me dissing Jim Rugg , super emotional “fuck Ed Piskor” type language, and the Red Room sales stuff portray she’s a petty woman scorned. Punitive and false. My house was burning and she threw gasoline on it. There needs to be recourse for my loved ones. I’m dead. I don’t have a reason to lie. Hold Molly Wright accountable, please. Reputation destruction is her form of aggression and there were very real consequences. My lawyer is Harris Miller. Is it possible to subpoena all texts and dms I had with her?

 Big titty Taff? Yeah, I would draw you naked all day and never apologize for wanting to. I like drawing tits and tattoos when I’m not drawing comics. 

 I’m a solitary guy and I’ve put every ounce of my time and life into my work for around the past 20 years. I never felt satisfied with my skill so I constantly worked really hard and tied it all to my identity and self worth. Every waking moment was spent working and ideally I thought it would be best to have all friends who share the same passion. It’s why I offered to introduce them to my friends. It’s like my cherished Japan trips introducing Koenji Shawn to Bryan Moss and Moss to Skeme and Skeme to Danika. I was the only person who knew everybody on the trip and by the end of it, we were all friends. 

 Social media was how I met people. My greatest relationship began at the end of Covid thanks to meeting on Instagram. A rocky but amazing 3 year relationship with someone who taught me true love. That said, I’m so glad we broke things off when we did so that she doesn’t get any slack. She’s way better off. Hope you’re well, Clam. I never stopped loving you. This all happened before I knew you.

 Now it’s all gone. Art show evaporated. Was about to sign a $75k deal for Switchblade Shorties with Abrams, Cartoonist Kayfabe ends with Jimmy’s “shocking revelations” statement (those words hurt). I have no friends in this life any longer. I’m a disappointment to everybody who liked me. I’m a pariah. News organizations at my door and hassling my elderly parents. It’s too much. Putting our addresses on tv and the internet. How could I ever go back to my small town where everyone knows me? 

 Some good people reached out and tried to help me through this whole thing but I’m just not strong enough. The instinctual part of my brain knows that I’m no longer part of the tribe. I’m exiled and banished. I’m giving into my instincts and fighting them at the same time. Self preservation has lost out. From the sound in everybodies voice I think we all knew this was the conclusion. Jim Rugg came to my house unsolicited and gave me a hug and told me he loves me. If you know Jimmy, you know how huge that is! 

 I’m sorry to my family for making such a mess (no pun intended) and for creating this hassle. I wasn’t trying to be a creep. I’m also sorry to everyone who got this note and the baggage that may or may not come with it depending on how well we knew each other. 

 I knew I wasn’t going to be able to survive this. Comics is beyond a profession to me. It’s everything. That might sounds sad and pathetic to some, but this culture and medium gave me the greatest joy in life. 

 No public statements would do. Nobody against me would be convinced. Maybe this drastic move will convince a few? Maybe it will get a couple more people to consider not joining online lynch mobs over gossip? Doubt it will have much of a blip. I’m not doing this out of guilt though, once again, it was super dumb chatting with Molly D. My intentions were never nefarious with her or anybody. Im doing it out of intense shame. We’re not built to have hundreds (maybe a few thousand?) people judging and/or harassing us at once. A private and solitary mind can’t take it. 

 There were so many out there waiting in the wings for something like this to emerge. Daryl Ayo Braithwait called it a kill shot. You all got your wish. You were waiting for something to blow out of proportion and it got served to you on a silver platter. Ramon Villalobos, Cam Del Rosario, JB Roe, Molly Wright, congratulations. You got your pound of flesh. Evan Dorkin, I hope skeletons from your closet get revealed someday. Alex DeCampi, may you continue to have zero success no matter how hard you continuously leverage other people’s business from your bully pulpit. 

 The very next morning after Molly D posted the screencaps I put my last will in testament together. Freewill.com. Great service in a pinch. These are the papers I was trying to hide from you, Jimmy, when you came by with soup. I actually found a nice lady and witnesses who notarized it and made it official on a Sunday morning. How’s that for efficiency? It’s sitting on my brown desk in the corner. 

 Mom, Dad, Bob, JP, and Bri, I’m sorry. Mom, dad, get this will of mine straight and move into a nice home that doesn’t have many stairs. Leave whatever you don’t use the rest of your lives to my siblings. Daddy hit me up this morning and wanted me to come home but it’s just too far gone. It was great hearing your voice today also, mama.

 The shame will never go away. Please make good use of what I’ve built up and take comfort for the rest of your years. This will give my life and this tragedy of events some positive meaning. 

 These are the files for Switchblade Shorties. Please download it and maybe a book deal can be made for my heirs. Bob Mecoy was my agent and we were supposed to sign a $75k contract with Abrams. Maybe in death, after I explain myself, it will be something they won’t balk at. Then again, the culture is sick enough that maybe a bidding war among publishers will push the price up even higher. Bob, can you try to get my folks a sweet deal? My family can use the money. Please download these files asap while my Google drive exists but they are also on the portable hard drive in my backpack that I had with me during my final act. Don’t let the cops keep it forever. I brought my data with me so that it would be easy to find.

(Redacted)

 There’s a black hardcover sketchbook full of autobiographical comics on my brown desk, standing up, in the hutch next to drawing tablets, that I intended to see print when I passed away. I didn’t put anything in my will where that’s concerned but hopefully it can find a publisher and get released. It was what we were gonna do with Fantagraphics under the title “Mudfish”. I didn’t sign any paperwork on that with Fanta so Bob, maybe you can help my parents there too?

 I realize that I didn’t make any notes in the will about my authored books and intellectual properties. Jim Rugg, can you maybe help make sure my people don’t get jacked by the publishers? I haven’t gotten my HHFT omnibus royalties so my family should be getting a good check soon. Can someone make sure to hold Fantagraphics accountable with my royalties and perhaps an audit of their accounting books is in order also, to see if I got all that was coming to me. Eric Reynolds gave me no benefits of doubt and I don’t know if fanta’d be tricky about my stuff in death. His suspicions of me make me suspicious of them. That’s the thing that sucks about going through this. You don’t know who your friends are. 

 Jimmy, can you also post our unlisted videos and make our private streams to Patreon live to the public. That’s the perception I wanna leave. A dude having fun talking comics with his brother. Please keep cartoonist Kayfabe up and monetized and share half the loot with my family each year. Maybe schedule the vids each day as we did for years until our roster is complete. Don’t dissolve the llc but split the take with my heirs. 

 Oh yeah, and I was avoiding the internet as much as possible, mostly relying on some friends who relayed me info here and there. I was not making/using burner sock puppet accounts to try to defend or attack. Hopefully those accounts will still tweet a bit so that you guys believe that, at least. Maybe someone can dig up ip addresses to confirm.

 What a week. I wouldn’t wish this shit on my worst enemy. Leave it to me to get into trouble without ever leaving the house. I don’t have email addresses for any of my family. Please get this message to them. My phone is fully charged and it’s on so I’m sure it can be pinged and tracked by first responders. I have a battery pack case so the phone should be on for a few hours at the very least. My phone number: 412-915-4501, license plate: JFA8859

Im wearing a black hoodie. Maybe a black peacoat, black dickies, terrex continental boots.

 Hey mom and dad. Liz’s rent is $675 and she just paid up through April. Let her move her man in with her if they take that step. Keep the house. It’s not too shabby and will bring in a trickle of income each month.

 Anastasia James, please hook my parents up with that artwork from the show. I didn’t watch the news reports but I guess you can get their address right off the video. These represent some of my best pieces for hip hop family tree and if I salvaged my name at all they will be worth good loot on the market. Don’t sell the cover to volume 1 for anything less than $25,000 

 Once again, I’m guilty of being stupid. No doubt. But, that’s all. I never thought in a million years that I’d take this step but I also never in a million years thought that something so Orwellian would ever happen to me. Ya never know in this life. 

 I was murdered by Internet bullies. Massive amounts of them. Some of you out there absolutely contributed to my death as you were entertaining yourself with gossip. I wasn’t AI. I was a real human being. You chipped little bits of my self esteem away all week until I was vaporized. Maybe I’ll be able to haunt you dorks as a ghost. I come from Gypsy heritage and I’m definitely cursing a lot of you.

 This is the calmest I’ve felt all week. It’s over for me. I’m sorry for the hurt it’ll cause my family and closest buds. I hope it makes people think twice when joining an internet feeding frenzy. There you have it. Control freak ‘til the last. Peace out. 

 Ps. There’s $852 in my wallet, 

cash, in case the Jake’s get sticky fingers and steal my shit

Eddie P

1982-2024

[beevean]

You know if we wanna be perfectly fair to the show the games themselves show a portraial of the Church that is mostly negative

We've talked about Sypha being taken in by monks and accepted as a vampire hunter by the Church...but was she really accepted?

I mean she was forced to wear robes and hide her gender to throw people off from her being a witch (presumably), which tells me that the Church only "accepted" her as a weapon to be used, not as her own human being that would like to live free from persecution. At best you could say that the monastery that took her in was being genuine but there's nothing to imply that the larger institution saw her as anything more than a tool, especially given the witch trials at the time

Leon had to give up his title to go rescue Sera because otherwise the Church wouldn't allow to go because they were more interested in fighting heretics than go rescue a kidnapped girl

Vincent as a priest is depicted as being somewhat greedy and a little seedy

I'm pretty sure that both Isaac and Hector faced persecution and Rosaly was killed because of it

Yeah the Church often helps out against Dracula....but it kind of has to or face destruction

So I don't have issues with the show's CHURCH BAD from a principled standpoint since the Church has been, and in many ways still is, bad.

The issue is how hard and often it beats you over the head with it and how there isn't a single religious person that isn't depicted as either evil or stupid, not to mention characters like Trevor, who in Castlevania 3 was seen praying at an altar, being turned into a cynical atheist.

In the games God exists, the holy items that the Belmonts, who are presumably all believers, use draw their powers from Him essentially and we are explicitly told in the Sorrow games that Chaos and the Dark Lord exist as counterbalances to God. The games never seem to criticise the notion of believing in God, just the way said belief is institutionalised.

The only time God is ever called into question is by Mathias for Elisabetha's death, which calls into question the usual conundrum of "but if God is good why are there bad things?", and he feels like a fool for ever fighting for God...but he's also depicted as being in the wrong with how he....expresses his disappontment. Meanwhile Leon certainly is never depicted as being an idiot or in the wrong for simply being a believer, only for being a former Crusader Knight fighting heretics for the Church aka an often corrupt institution.

Hell Rinaldo, an Alchemist and technically heretic, also believes in God given his description of alchemy, and he's a 100% positive figure, just one who has seemingly suffered persecution by the Church as indicated by the way he approached Leon at first

I actually like the scene with "Blue Fang" where he says that God does not love people like the corrupt bishop and does not recognise himself in their actions. That is a much more nuanced take!

...where did it go past season 1?

You said everything, lol

We know that Church Bad. This is not a new take. Church Bad in real life, Church Even More Bad in the time period CV3/the show takes place, and Church Morally Questionable in the games too for all the reasons you said. Yes, in short, you can say that in the games God is good and so are the people who genuinely believe in Him like the Belmonts, but the Church as an institution has caused many problems. (although I like that it's the Pope himself who finds Trevor in CV3, when his family was shunned by common humans - there seems to be a misconception that it was the Church who exiled them)

NFCV simply doesn't add anything new, and beats on this point as if we didn't get it by the time the bishops all celebrate to themselves after executing Lisa. All the church people are evil, and the humans are purposefully kept ignorant by the Church, unlike vampires who are superior because they retain old knowledge and that's why Dracula has a whole magitek castle complete with electricity and teleporter instead of a creature of Chaos at his command. It's just boring. Berserk treated the same argument in a less "reddit athetist" way.

And I have mentioned the water-blessing zombie bishop a lot of times, I know, not my fault it's so fucking stupid. But it says a lot that fans point at it and instead of seeing it as a lore-breaking deus ex machina, they see clever commentary that the bishop is more "holy" as an undead creature possessed by a demon.

[wordsonamission]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thanks so much for tagging me in this, @acetonitril! Sorry for the delay, but I wanted to really think out my answers.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

12 currently! This is my first year actually posting fics and I'm happy with my progress.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

118,159! There's a chance I'll get another fic finished soon, too . . . And maybe I'll be able to sneak in something short and smutty before the end of the year.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

All I've published is Top Gun. I'm not going to be surprised if I end up writing soapghost for the COD games. Y'all have some superb writers and artists that keep drawing me in. Historically, I started some small 00Q and Destiel stuff back in ye olde golden days. There's a dramione fic from on my old computer from years back that was like 30k before I stopped.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Kissed By The Sun

Falling Into Place

A Safe Place to Land

Running on Empty

Spare

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! If someone was kind enough to make the effort to leave a comment, I want to make sure that they know I saw it and that I appreciate them for letting me know what they think. I don't generally reply the same day, but I try to reply within a couple of days. I love hearing what readers think and I hope that me engaging back only encourages more comments

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmmm I have a couple. Mission Report is a whole pile of angst just as a concept. It's short and sad all the way through imo. Spare ends on a really big cliffhanger which can be read as sad; a character is left in a really fragile medical state. Snow Day is so sweet but then the end is just a gut-punch. You could say that I like to temper fluff and steamy stuff with sadness and angst.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

If the ending isn't sad, it's usually pretty happy. Or at least hopeful. I think I'll give happiest ending award to A Cookie Conundrum. It's so silly and light, no angst.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

None that I've ever seen. But I'm still new and I write safe fics as far as subject and pairings.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yeah lol. I'm still getting used to writing it. What kind? Pretty standard MLM fic smut. I'd like to write harder edged stuff in the future, but right now it tends to be really loving stuff.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I haven't. That's not something I'm super into as a reader or as a writer. Never say never - it'll only take the right combo to get me going I'm sure, but it hasn't happened yet.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I've seen. That is a worry of mine.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No. I'm still new and I don't see that Top Gun has a lot of fics that get translated (I could be very wrong and missing out)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No I haven't.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

All time ever favorite? Yeesh. Uhhhhh I'll cop out and say that I enjoy a similar dynamic to my favorites - they're highly competent in their field but often less confidant about romance, there's a degree of imbalance in the relationship (rank, age gap, experience, etc), and I'm an absolute sucker for a character that doesn't let anyone else emotionally close who lets That Guy in.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I don't think I'm going to finish any of the old fic I mentioned, like from years ago. If I pick up those fandoms and pairings again, I'll start over.

16. What are your writing strengths?

God I don't know. I consider myself someone with a good grasp on grammar and how things Should be written as far as that goes (please go ahead and point out all of my mistakes, I know they're everywhere) which helps with readability. Comments repeatedly point out that even my smut is very tender and emotional. I tend to write characters affirming each other and being very giving lovers. I'm sure that says nothing about me as a person. I really like to dig into missing scenes to expand the emotional complexity of the canon story.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Knowing when and how to end a story. One of those writing posts that go around here mentioned going back a couple of paragraphs when you get stuck, which has been so true for me. But endings are still so hard. Writing sex is still weird, too, and I can get stuck on a single scene for days. Coming up with titles is also so, so hard. Occasionally one will appear and I'll run with it, but usually it's one of the last things done before I post. I'm really not happy with the titles for my Ace Week fics.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Do you mean including characters speaking a different language and writing their dialogue in that language? A block of text in another language is rough on a reader and there's not really a good work around. Asterisks to the bottom of the page don't work on A03.

If I want a reader to know what a character is saying, I'd make note of the language change and use italics in dialogue but otherwise write normally. If the characters are in a situation where I DON'T want them or the reader to understand, then I'd type the language in italics.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I've written what I would now call fanfic off and on my whole life. When I was seven, I wrote a horribly indulgent self-insert fic of me joining the characters of one of my favorite book series (Pony Pals) for an adventure. In middle school, before the publication of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, I wrote my own version. I think I filled like two notebooks. I wonder if it's still around somewhere - I had some good ideas, some that were better than canon ended up imo

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Running on Empty! I loved it as one chapter but I really enjoy the whole story as it turned out in three. The only big thing I might change is tweaking the emotions Maverick feels after he and Ice finally get together. But that story flowed so well while writing and I really loved the world that I created with their families and especially Lisa and Jason for Slider. Plus I feel like that fic really addresses some of the trauma that Maverick went through and how he wasn't getting the support he needed in the OG movie.

That went long! Thanks again to @acetonitril for tagging me in this. I'm sure everyone else has already chimed in, but feel free to jump in if not. These are some great questions!

[tyrannuspitch]

musing on jotunheim again. as much as i like to talk about the thor movies as self-subverting and critical of imperialism from the beginning (which i stand by, on a thematic level!), the way the jotuns are actually portrayed is uhhh Not Great.

like. recap: they wear very little clothing, they are presented as extremely physically strong and menacing, they have very deep voices and express themselves nonverbally more than asgardians (ie they growl :/), they use ~nature magic~ and blend in with their landscape, they have very strongly distinct facial features from asgardians, and their skin is a bright colour not found among asgardians. this is... looking uncomfortable close to a racial caricature. like if you made the small but vital change of making their skin red instead of blue it would be undeniable. as it stands, it's not quite literally there, but it's got Coding for days.

and on top of that, loki, while he is a twist villain, is definitely portrayed as more sympathetic for having more human features. like... yes, he has fantasy-dwarfism or something like it and is therefore in some ways inherently vulnerable... but his vulnerability is still visually represented through less othered features, which kind of frames the other jotuns as INvulnerable - in comparison to the average asgardian, not just loki himself.

(which is also just... not true. asgardians and jotuns seem to be evenly matched on a physical level. and also the idea that physical strength is the be-all and end-all of power and vulnerability to begin with is Bad. i guess the end corrects this a little: we see jotuns screaming and fleeing the bifrost, frightened, powerless, victimised! but we still only see adult men. loki is the only jotun we see as a child, and we never see a jotun woman. where are the jotuns who aren't warriors or kings?)

also. less important. but. the jotuns do not reflect any existing culture. which, on one hand, is like. great thanks for only putting in a vague racial caricature and not a specific one 👍. but on the other hand. what are you meant to Do. with a human AU loki.

like obviously step one is dialling down the formerly-space racism by a factor of about a hundred lmao. but like even if you do somehow manage to handle his whole deal sensitively... if asgard = scandinavia, what is jotunheim. what IS loki's culture. is he sami? is he white-passing mixed inuit? it's pretty damn significant that jotunheim has its own monarchist + imperialist past and was originally a competitor to asgard, so should he just be, like, a different scandinavian nationality from odin? or maybe russian or something? but then there isn't racism to deal with. potentially some level of linguistic/cultural shame, sure, but no accusations of devil worship, no dehumanisation via race science, etc. nothing quite fits.

or even disregarding AUs, what real-world culture can/should you draw on to flesh out jotunheim, if any? is it inappropriate to do so at all when they're treated SO horrifically and they're also, you know, Blue Fantasy Aliens. or is it erasive to act like scandinavian colonialism is pure fantasy with no real-world implications. OR is it inappropriate to draw on real-world indigenous peoples for a fantasy history that doesn't reflect their actual history very well at all (see above: nothing fits.)

a thought i had recently was that the combination of blue skin, gold body jewellery, and warriors wearing very little clothing actually resembles descriptions of ancient celts (with either tattoos or body paint). and i feel like having some historical basis for jotun warriors, even if it's centuries apart from the viking inspiration of asgard, can maybe slightly improve on what's currently there. but equally, that's still a description from an imperialist (roman) perspective and i'm pretty sure its accuracy is... controversial?

yeah. a conundrum! i have no solutions at present i'm just thinking about it all. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[halfyourheart]

alice bestie hi !! I saw u rb sabrina n now I want to know your favourite songs of emails I can't send (if u may wish to share them <3)

hi myle hi bestie <3 !

pls let it be known that this was way harder than I anticipated?? this is pure vibes and what are currently my favourites. I am so bad at definitive rankings (except for the last one because I am a hater apparently)??? on the other hand, I spent way too much time on this and went back and forth a bajillion times. It's a conundrum, so without further ado, enter at your own risk <3

emails i can’t send

I fell in love with this song when she first posted it on tiktok (i think)??? before the album was announced. and I loved it even more when it got released. just the twist of it being about her dad (or just a dad - but yeah)!! and that connecting with what people have been calling her “home wrecker” and “slut”. As an intro, I think it ties the whole album together really well and emphasises the message(/email (didn’t mean to do that)) that she’s trying to send so I crown thee number one.

2. already over

i love love love the sound this song; it’s so fun. the pacing. the chorus, the “I say i’m done but i’m still confused” just hits me every time. a controversial opinion because this is possibly my one friend's least favourite song. ALSO the end “i like my bed but it likes you too”??? kills me. personifying something so love-driven (bed!) just hiTS. i just have the most fun with this song :D

3. tornado warnings

lying to your therapist to convince yourself something is true was a little bit too relatable lol. "I'll drive you home you drive me crazy" then combined with "I'll call you out You call me "baby"" no I can't handle it.

4. bad for business

the concept as a whole is something I find really interesting and relatable. sadness selling? you’re only worth something when you’re writing/drawing/painting about the saddest/lowest points of your life. Or getting inspiration from those points. It’s just something I struggle with a lot because I always feel like I create best when I’m at some of my lowest points (definitely my brain lying to me but we move). So like what’s the point of happiness if it’s not benefitting me in a ‘productive’ way? and then I argue with myself because??? there is so much wrong with that train of thinking especially since I LOVE people simply being happy? and I love art centred around that. a simple domestic fic or a painting that’s just two people chilling in the kitchen with tea? that’s my shIT. and that is the shit! just vibing and enjoying yourself is the goal! I’m likely reading too much into it and forming a personal attachment to it so I don’t want to put it low. what the song touches on is something I am so fascinated with and deal with a lot :)

5. Vicious

One of the first songs I gravitated towards upon first listening to the album. “everyone thinks you’re an angel but shit I would probably use different wording” mmmMmMm. the distortion leading up to “I was only the next one to take your love songs as a promise” and that whole section just scratches my brain so nicely. there’s something so cathartic about borderline sing-screaming :D

6. Read your Mind

a very fun-paced song. “you’re not my friend and baby you never were”. Is this higher up because she says baby? maybe so. Ms Carpenter, please call me baby, respectfully. bUT also it’s a really interesting take on a lack of communication because you'd expect it to sound slower. that contrast gets me in a good way. I am a sucker for juxtaposition yUM.

This where the list gets a little bit dicey because I went back on forth with these rankings a LOT.

7. Nonsense

no, but I do love this song??? why are you here bestie?? it’s so fun and the riffs 🥺 the ad-libs 🥺 “bleh-blah-bleh” 🥺 Shakespeare who? “I had to jump the octave *proceeds to jump the octave*??? SHOCK HORROR GASP

8. how many things

the start is so funny “you used a fork once it turns out forks are fucking everywhere” sksksksks comedic genius I swear. and then back into the emotional whiplash with “I, I wonder how many things you think about before you get to me” as someone who romanticises past relationships (platonic and romantic) ahah this song mmmmmmm it hurts. “remember when you left once? that never made much sense to me.” wrecked me. wrecked ME. and "your corner in my mind is well established"????

9. decode

form imitating lyrics gets me so hard. “the gaps and the silence” with the pause? yeah that hit me over the head and stole my money and I'm totally cool with that. once again, Shakespeare who??? this song is so underrated. "being myself did that emasculate you"?????????????? Over-analysing (also the way she sings over-analysing ashdajdgahd) things is sort of my MO.

10. because i liked a boy

“I’m a home wrecker I’m a slut” “dating boys with exes no I wouldn’t recommend it” mmmMmm YuM but then tying back to emails i can’t send? an emotional whiplash honestly but also a very fun song to listen to. (I don't know how this song ended up here but I have just changed things three times so we are not touching it).

11. bet u wanna

i know I'm the worst. why is this in the bottom three? This song is hot I won't deny (the baseeeee), but I simply do not vibe with it as much as the others at this point in time. Maybe that'll change one day but for now, she sits here.

12. skinny dipping

shoutout oat milk! This is so low because we heard it so long ago I think? I did read that it's so awkward because it's imitating the conversation she's having with her ex and I do love that.

13. fast times

I have never liked fast times ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I don't even really have a specific reason why?? the music video is great but I just don't gravitate towards this song.

I really do love this album and this was so hard and it will likely change at a whim (except for you fast times 👀 *insert luke saying I’m heartless with those*) but this is definitely some of her best, if not her best, writing to date imo (sue me you will always be famous to ME), so that makes sense.

The only part of this that was easy was the top three and the bottom three. The middle can and will change at any time. 6-10?? they switched constantly aH.

What's your ranking? <3

[refsgaardross80]

Should WoW Players be Accountable for Accountability for Players?

Since the beginning, Blizzard has maintained the same policy for reporting players. If you encounter problems with a player, must report them. Blizzard will reach out to thank you for reporting the issue, but it does not provide any information about what it did to fix it. This is something that I have always known. In all the years that I worked in customer service and call center jobs on and off, the first rule was that you couldn't communicate with anyone else than the account holder concerning the status of the account. To me, the Blizzard policy is a continuation of the same treatment. Blizzard cannot tell you about actions that were taken against another player's account since the account isn't theirs You know? It's private information.

In the past, I've been able to report a number of players in the past, and I never really knew whether actions were taken against these players or not. INFO Simple violations of names, like inappropriate characters or guild names, were easy to spot. The guild or the player could have their name changed and I could tell if there was any action taken. You don't know what they've been told in the case of player harassment. It is only a matter of hope that the harasser ceases harassing you and will end but there aren't guarantees.

Pugnacious Priest made an interesting post about player reporting and complaints, specifically in the League of Legends universe. Evidently, League of Legends is doing something wholly strange in the world of gaming -it is taking these reported cases and letting the players decide if there's something that should be accountable for or not. Pugnacious Priest takes this one step further and asks whether this is the type of system that could be used in WoW some day.

WoW has had its moments of jerks throughout the years, whether it was people who stole gear, players who deliberately caused drama, players who utilized GearScore to gauge another player's legitimacy, or players who used Recount to smear higher DPS numbers in other players' faces - the list goes on and on. WoW has had its fair share of untrustworthy players who simply want to make someone's life miserable.

What's strange, however the concept of player accountability isn't one that is foreign to WoW. Vanilla had players on various servers, and each had a tight-knit community. One thing you could count on from these servers was that, like any small town there was a lot of conversation. If someone did something reprehensible to the server as a whole the person was immediately removed from guilds, raids, instance runs and anything else that could be considered to be as a social event. In other words they were disregarded -- and at the time you weren't able to pay to change your name or move servers. You could either amend your mistake and try to correct the error or begin on a new server at level 1.

This odd little watchdog system for WoW is almost gone. The potential audience that the Dungeon Finder and Raid Finder systems draw from is huge. There is virtually no chance of encountering an offensive player more times than once. Why should you? You're not going to visit them again.

It's a bit odd on the one side. It allows you to draw from an increased number of players and you won't be the same offender or a person who is extremely harassing. However, this system inadvertently lets players indulge in inappropriate behavior and grants them the freedom to be an annoyance whenever and wherever they see fit. Why is that? It's not like anybody will bother to report them.

This is one of those odd little conundrums that doesn't really have an easy answer. Do we give up the flexibility and convenience of things such as the Raid Finder and the Dungeon Finder to be able to return into that state of self-policing again? Do we just throw up our hands and let the offensive players continue to be offensive? Pugnacious Priest asked whether we should create a system similar to LoL and let players decide for themselves which is the right or wrong.

[authortobenamedlater]

OK. Stuff I like:

It’s painfully obvious that John is not buying what Halsey is selling anymore, and that has her rattled.

Speaking of Halsey, she gets worse every episode. That flashback? She’s grooming John. Seriously, the whole interaction is what predators do. Make the kid feel special. Ask if you can see him again. Isolate him from his parents (“this will be our secret”). As a mom and someone who has worked around kids much of my life, the whole thing makes me rage. And once John figures out that Halsey has been making him a puppet his whole life, I have a feeling he’s going to rage too.

The whole sequence in the house is just so great. Especially John “interacting” with his younger self. And especially especially that brief second where he’s out of his armor. I’m a cinematography nerd and GOSH that scene is well done.

Also, John is a dog person. This is now canon. You will not convince me it isn’t.

Kai becoming a girly-girl when her pellet comes out. You can be girly and powerful. You can be girly and smart. You can be girly and courageous and capable. You can be girly and like guns (your humble authoress is exhibit A here). Femininity is not weakness. Femininity is strength. Own your girly, Kai my friend.

Kai’s newfound emotion vs. how Riz and Vannak are still “flat.” And how John seemed sort of bewildered by his emotions returning and Kai just jumps into it.

Stuff I don’t like:

I like the story of the rebel forces on Madrigal, but Kwan does nothing for me. My husband actually fast forwards through her scenes.

Gratuitous @$$ shots. Honestly, it’s starting to feel like the writers just want everyone to stop talking about the helmet so they’re distracting us with butts. And if tumblr chatter says anything, it’s working. But seriously. John’s butt scene was a little gratuitous, but at least it made sense. Why did we need to see Vinsher’s? Twice?

Not enough Cortana. I am here for chipper/eager Cortana and her broody/reluctant Master Chief. Give me more of it.

Not enough action. The exposition is good. I like the whole “what makes you human” question with the Spartans and the liberty/security/order conundrum on Madrigal. But when I watch a military science fiction series, I want some military action. Touchy feely emotional stuff is what I go to fanfic for. It gets old quickly on TV.

Other stuff:

Any possibility Reach For Life went south and John’s parents gave him up to Halsey because she told them she could save him?

Is a Spartan rebellion brewing? Or at least a Silver Team rebellion?

Can we talk about how John clearly had a happy childhood until things went off the rails? His parents loved him. He played with his dog. He liked to draw. I can’t imagine that knowledge won’t affect him somehow. That scene where he hugs his dad? When is the last time John felt someone touch him who wasn’t trying to alter his body or harm him in some way? Oh man, so much possibility here. For fanfic. And a little bit of TV. But mostly fanfic.

[kthynes]

baby me

pairing: chris evans x female reader

request: Can you pls write something about Chris sick with some kind of stomach bug and fever and doesn’t want the reader to help him because he’s embarrassed but then he throw up and almost faint so the reader comes to the rescue and help him, and then cuddles? Thank you!!❤️ - anon

warnings: none, this is pretty pg

a/n: I wrote this one shot a little differently, it’s way less wordy and descriptive (imo). I’m trying to be more ‘to the point’ with my writing ahh we shall see how it goes. Otherwise please enjoy this little gem, thanks for the request, anon!

“What do you mean you can’t have it done? Oh, c’mon Tony that’s not what I— Alright okay, you know what, sure, whatever, do that then.”

You’re annoyed. You’re frustrated. You rummage through your oversized purse for the house keys that Chris has graciously lent you yet you somehow manage to misplace in the silk sheath of lining, receipts and a whole slew of miscellany.

Your one track life becomes an undisputed conundrum of work which never fails to follow you home even on a somewhat good day. Tony, the wrought-up site manager, says something the minute you tune out which allows to spiral right back in. Sometimes you bark. And sometimes you bite.

“Right but the unit division budget doesn’t have anything going forward in respect to that notion! You know this!” You boisterously tell your colleague after jiggling the door open and tossing the keys on top of the nearby console. The house is quiet, and your voice is the loudest carrying tremor that pulls Chris out of his lulling state. “No, no you are not fucking negotiating with Kingsley alright. That isn’t apart of the deal, Tone! Jesus.”

Your call consumes you just until you see your deadbeat partner sprawled up on the couch, sallow and sick. His dry lips are agape, breathing is staggered, little to no life is present in his form. His beautiful mutt looks to you from his side, tail slightly wagging and that is enough to have your heart torn out.

“Hey, hey Tony, can I call you back later? O-Oh sure, okay yeah that’s fine. Okay, alright buh-bye.” You frantically end the call, furrowing your brows as you take long, leaping strides towards Chris who is finally relieved to see you in all of your concerned beauty.

“Everything okay baby?” He croaks like a dying horse, eyes closing as his stomach lurches some more.

“You’re asking me? Goodness Chris, you look terrible.” You cradle the side of his balmy face while crouched in front of him. You are frightened with worry as he kisses the inside of your palm in return. The sweet action itself makes you wince as you scan his sunken and unpropitious features.

Chris is at his worst. You knew he was feeling a bit under the weather but didn't think once that it'd be this bad. He's severely impaled, sweating up a storm yet swathed in his favorite velour duvet. The TV is fuzzily broadcasting C-Span while Chris’s laptop is flipped open with a flood of emails that he wasn’t able to get around to. There’s a half eaten loaf bread and an open sleeve of crackers that doesn’t pass his appetite. While looking around, you casually pet Dodger with one free hand who also seems to be happy to see his momma around and readily waiting for you to do something.

“I don’t know what it is that I had last night at the launch party but it’s rocking my insides honey.” Chris groans after feeling another ripple go through his abdominal cavity.

“Aw baby you should’ve called me. I would’ve picked up some Pedialyte and left work early.” You reach over to turn off the TV and close the laptop.

“I didn’t want you to worry.”

"Too late for that, hon." You fearfully laugh while getting back to him and running a hand through the top of his head down to the nape of his neck. "Now c'mon lets get you in bed first and then I can make you some light dinner."

"I'm fine." Chris hums, loving the way your hands felt against the shaft of his scalp. "You just came home from work, you're probably really tired — go shower and get changed. I'm good right here."

"Don't be stupid, Evans. I can do all that later, now up." After some reluctant attempts you manage to get Chris up who for the most part can stand on his own two feet. Dodger barks his cautionary welcome as you and Chris trudge across the threshold of the single storey home together. You both enter his unmade room and that’s when Chris freezes in mid-stride. He has an uneasy feeling wash over him and everything becomes a jolting sprint of madness.

"Oh no babe I think I might—“ Upchuck. Chunks of indistinguishable remnants of undigested food and bile all came down on your frame as you stood in the line of fire. It’s fleeting and there wasn’t much you could do as you wore his vomit, letting it weigh down the front of your seersucker blouse and skirt.

"Fuuuuck." He panics and you exhale shakily with your arms spread apart, studying the wet projectile painting that amasses your body.

"It's fine. It’s okay." You say while trying to remain sympathetic and undeterred by throwing up yourself because the smell was impalpable. You imprudently gag while guiding Chris back to the bed. "How about you lie down and I’ll just —Chris? Chris!"

Chris's eyes gradually roll back, his body swings forward the minute he sits on the edge of the mattress and with your fast reflexes you manage to catch him against you. He's practically deadweight, passed out and that scares you.

"Oh god Chris babe? Baby, hey, hey..." You shake him a little as his face is caught in the crook of your neck, body rigidly leaned up against yours. He moans a little, regaining consciousness in a matter of seconds and calming your increased heart-rate that still continues to thunder. He was truly going through the motions.

"You alright?" You breathe, placing a hand on his cheek and forcing him to look at you.

"Yeah, yeah I'm okay. I'm so sorry, baby I...I..." He's a bit frazzled as you hush, pacify and hold him close to your form. He breathes you in as you strip off your soiled blouse and skirt. He’s hunched over when you start to peel off the black tee he has on that is smeared with vomit as well, leaving him bare chested in your embrace. You are crouching in front of him, his forehead against you shoulder while your hands were rubbing his back and soothing him. You could hear the low indigestible rumbles coming from his belly knowing how bad he’s been having it on both ends. “Oh I feel terrible Y/N.”

“I know. How about you get in the shower with me." You whisper in a non-sexual way as his body is burning up and the sour smell of regurgitation still lingered around your bodies. He softly nods and with some consuming seconds later, you walk him into the ensuite.

After you both wash up in the shower, you pass Chris some fresh clothes to change into while you travelled across the room in nothing but a towel for the past 10 minutes or so, making sure Chris was able to get himself sorted out first before you stepped away to get changed.

With dinner on your mind, you start thinking to yourself how you can't leave Chris alone in this state. You have an idea and that’s when you text Scott to bring up some dinner so that way you could spend some time holding Chris and making sure that he was okay.

Scott at 7:45 pm:

'On it baby cakes. Ma knows, she's making his favorite chicken noodle with lots of cayenne, ginger and all the good stuff. So you just stay put alright?’

You smile after reading the immediate response from Chris’s sweet brother. While you continue lathering yourself up in lotion you could hear Chris dozing off on the bed. You turn off the bathroom lights and leave to start up a load of laundry before sneaking back into bed with him. Chris stirs a bit before he wraps his arms around you, pulling you in closer.

“I promise I won’t throw up on you again.”

“Only if you don’t have to.” You whisper jokingly while pressing your lips against the underside of his chin. He hums at this with his eyes closed, his hands graze your exposed skin as he’s trying to hold you as inhumanely close to him as possible. “How are you feeling?”

“Better.”

“Scott’s going to be dropping off food so don’t go to sleep yet.” You state, drifting in apprehensive thought. Soon Dodger whimpers into the room and you pat the spot next to you for him to jump on. Chris has always been weary of having Dodger on the bed but because of extenuating circumstances you felt like his presence was also needed as well.

“That’s fine. Thanks again for everything.” He shuffles over after he sees Dodger crawling up and wedging himself in between the both of you. “Mmm hi bubba.”

“Anything for you mio amore.” You say, rubbing his soft belly and soothing the ache to the best of your ability.

“You know, you’re going to be an amazing mother some day Y/N.” Chris muses.

“I hope so.”

“I know so.” Chris rebuts, drawing in a deep breath with his eyes closed. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” You say in return, spending the rest of the evening in his wake before the entire Evans clan shows up at the front door, each worried silly about their pride and joy, leaving Chris to be theirs and having you watch from afar while they enforced their own tender love and care.

[dmsden]

How About a +1 Sword Instead? - Not giving PCs too much magic too fast

Hullo, Gentle Readers. This week's Question from a Denizen is from fireshock3000. They ask, "So in my campaign, there is a high turnover for magical items. As such my players have asked for a lot of specific ones (whether from books, other games they were in, or from podcast/live plays the have listened to or watched) which are sometimes more powerful then I think they should have. My question is, how can I give them what they want but not make them too over powered for what I have planned?"

I totally get this. Of course every paladin wants a Holy Avenger, and of course every wizard wants a Staff of the Magi. But, man, those are powerful, end of the campaign type items. So how do you give them to the players without giving them the item whole cloth? Well, good news, friend. I have a way of doing so that also gives you tons of story potential.

There's a flipside to this as well. Let's say your paladin wants part of their character to be an ancestral sword. Before the campaign started, his noble house was almost completely wiped out by vampires, and he fled, but not before taking his heirloom with him. This is a conundrum, right? You want to be able to give the PC cool magic weapons as time goes on in your campaign, but, for story reasons, they'd never stop using that sword. So what do you do?

Well, many, many campaigns ago, I had a character who desperately wanted to have an heirloom magic sword as part of his story and inheritance. It was really important to him, and I didn't want to say no. I came up with an idea that later I saw the game itself suggesting as well, and then, even later, I saw Matt Mercer use to excellent effect via his "Vestiges of Divergence". At the core, the idea is an item that levels up along with the PC.

This idea is actually baked in the concepts of my current campaign. There's the concept of Pneuma, the Breath of Heroes, an ephemeral trait that sets PCs aside from most people in the world. In the hands of someone without pneuma, that heirloom sword will never be anything more than a normal sword. As someone's pneuma manifests and increases, however, the attributes in the sword could "wake up" and become increasingly powerful.

Let's take our paladin and his family's heirloom. Maybe at first level, it's just an ordinary sword, with only its history to set it apart. When the PC hits level 3 and takes their paladin's Oath, however, the sword begins to manifest its true nature. It becomes +1, and it glows whenever fiends and/or undead are within 120 feet of it. As time goes on, you could have it manifest as a +2 weapon, a +3 weapon, and, finally, maybe around level 17, as a full Holy Avenger, with all the perks thereof. You could even parse things out further, such as initially not being +1 unless you're fighting Fiends or Undead. You might even make a chart such as:

Level 1: Ordinary weapon, or counts as Magic only when fighting Fiends or Undead

Level 3: Magic Weapon; glows whenever Fiends or Undead are within 120 feet.

Level 5: +1 Weapon

Level 7: +1 Weapon, Extra 1d10 damage vs Fiends and Undead

Level 9: Gains the Aura effect of a Holy Avenger

Level 11: +1 Weapon, +2 to Hit vs Fiends and Undead

Level 13: +2 Weapon

Level 15: +2 Weapon, Extra 2d10 damage vs Fiends and Undead

Level 17: Full Holy Avenger

Another alternative, especially with items that're kind of hard to level up like this (such as the Mighty Servant of Leuk-O noted above) is to develop plot around either finding or making the item. Maybe first they have to find the inert Mighty Servant, then they need to find a replacement crystal to serve as its heart, then they need to find the tome that includes the chant to awaken it. This way, the PCs feel like they have a path towards gaining the item they want, but you're not just giving it to them right upfront.

Likewise, if they want a Staff of the Magi, you don't need to hand it to them at early levels. Have them craft their own staff, and have finding the ritual and components to do so part of the campaign's plot. They hear of a wizard who made such a staff, then they have to track down his spellbook/journal. Once they do, then they need to collect the components of it - wood from a singular tree that grows in the Feywild and is guarded by a hydra; a crystal found in the belly of a legendary purple worm; iron bands from the forges of Avernus; and so on. Once they have the components, they must seek the legendary lost world forge of the dwarven gods and make the staff in a ritual that's likely to draw powerful enemies who will want the staff for themselves. Making the staff could be a side campaign all its own!

Ultimately, of course, it's your campaign. If you don't want an item to show up, just be honest with the player. Tell them you think the item is too powerful, and get a feel if there's something a bit less game-breaking that you can help them achieve. They'll definitely appreciate the extra time you took to speak with them about it, and most will be reasonable and understand. There will always be outliers, of course, but you can essentially tell them it's your decision, and that's all there is to it.

Thanks for asking this, fireshock! You are entered in our contest, and I hope this was helpful to you. Until next week, may all your 20s be Natural.

[amygdalae]

I genuinely think that from soft games should have an easy mode (or easier mode or maybe just an accessibility mode) but I also know that a lot from soft fans would get mad at that suggestion cus, game elitism lol.

(uh oh i wrote a lot of words im very sorry every1)

yeah i myself have gone back and forth on this topic awhile, like. On one hand i really do think the challenge of certain encounters is part of the game's intended 'puzzle' it presents to the player. and as someone who's beat a few of em and struggled, i wonder if the ability to press a button that makes it easier wouldve definitely been too alluring for me to resist, and could potentially have 'cheapened' some of my victories. (plus from a game design perspective having a unified single difficulty means not having to worry about difficulty levels throwing off the intended balance of encounters).

BUT! HOWEVER. on the other hand. when i see like, the percentage of players that actually are able to get into the late game (based on achievement statistics) it gives me the same feeling as when a teacher brags about "most of you wont pass this class".

like, I appreciate challenging and niche gameplay experiences, and i absolutely dont think a piece of art should be required to appeal to everybody, but theres a nuanced discussion to be had about what it says about a game that most of the people who want to play it end up discouraged. and it directly leads to the whole "only the TRUE STRONG gamers make it past [xyz] boss, weak casuals need not apply" mentality, and I wonder if the tradeoff of satisfaction vs accessibility is truly worth it.

Fromsoft games also have a lot of really beautiful and interesting content that you can only access if you're able to get that far, and I do think it's a shame that there are people missing out, because the visual design is a huge thing that inspires me and draws me into those games and I think people should be able to appreciate it

its a shame this discussion is the kind that people tend to grab a torch and flock to one of two sides about, though. Like, it's a game design conundrum. I think we can afford to be grownups about it

tl;dr: actually idk how to summarize this quickly just read what i said

[artbyblastweave]

After one pleasant and one.... spirited conversation after that last TMA post, I do want to clarify that I draw a distinction between the dynamic of a supernatural creature going “oh, it’s fine, I’ll just be a vigilante who eats evil people,” and someone like Adelard Dekker who takes it upon themselves to specifically stop an immortal, malevolent superhuman who’s actively killing people, does little else, and isn’t going to stop unless stopped with violence. I don’t view the use of violence as being morally equivalent in those two setups, but after tonight I do feel a need to suss out why, because the methods of resolution are basically the same in both situations- extrajudicial vigilante violence.

If I had to put a pin in it I’d definitely feel comfortable claiming that Dekker’s approach is more problem-oriented- He’s approaching from the fairly detached standpoint of wanting to remove an element that’s killing people. Sometimes that has a fatal outcome for the target of his vigilantism, like with Amherst. Sometimes that just means binding the problem, like with the table, because that's the most permanent thing you can do to get the motherfucker off the board. But there’s a level of dispassion and focus on removing the threat rather than punishing the evildoer, which allows Dekker to, if not maintain the moral high ground, at least remain somewhat grounded.

And as I mentioned in the other post, he’s got the advantage of not personally having to fight monsters to remain alive, which gives him the leeway to be judicious, take his time and wait until there’s an avatar actively on a killing spree, like Justin Gough or John Amherst, where he’s obviously got the moral high ground. He obviously isn’t being genocidal about it or he wouldn’t be pen pals with Gertrude.

With Daisy and Trevor, their whole bent is more explicitly about punishment (for Daisy) and Revenge (Trevor) and that means that their approach is going to be tainted because stopping the monsters from hurting people is at best a nice side benefit to what they’re actually going for, and at worst a fig leaf they use to excuse themselves in polite company. It’s insidious in that it’s superficially a win-win- they get to fufill their cravings AND improve the world, yay!.... except that it’s a mindset that allows you to justify anything, any fuckup, any level of brutality, any lack of preparation, any adherence to your own gut instincts of who’s innately bad and who’s innately good, in pursuit of the actual goal, which is killing something every so often.  Any moral argument they make in favor of any specific killing- utilitarian, deontological, whatever- is side-stepping why they’re doing it. Neither Daisy or Trevor entertained the idea that they might be wrong, or more specifically, unequipped to do what they were doing. They centered themselves as the heroes of their own stories.

Of course, none of this is any kind of guarantee that Dekkard is equipped to be doing what he does either- we see objectively better outcomes from his approach, but that could just be luck. Which circles us back around to the original conundrum- when is it okay to direct violence at known threats? It’s a rough question. 

It might be good to clarify at this point that my IRL opposition to the death penalty isn’t rooted in the belief that no one deserves to be killed. It’s  rooted in the suicidal arrogance of thinking you’ll be able to identify those people correctly, every single time, and that you’ll never slip up. It’s opposition rooted in the implicit disregard for the innocent- or at least undeserving of death- who you’ll inadvertently kill if you build a system that does that. It’s opposition rooted in the impotent, frustrated rage I feel when death penalty advocates think saying “that hardly ever happens” somehow erases the times that it does happen. It’s rooted in the fact that no government that builds a system through which to murder people is going to use that system in good faith, because that’s not what a government is. 

But at the end of the day, the TMA world is plagued by something our world doesn’t have- a rash of superpowered, unaccountable serial killers who hurt people because they have to, but also frequently because they can. That isn’t something you can afford to ignore! Or at least, it’s not something  I think you can ignore. But the avenues to actually do anything concrete about them are all morally murky, or will inadvertently contribute to the underlying problem. The best you can hope for are slow, judicious actors who keep their own sense of self-importance tamped down, and even that won’t work forever; they’ll still misstep- missteps fueled by good intentions instead of arrogant bloodlust, but people will still be dead.  They’ll make judgement calls of subjective value, and there can’t be more than a handful of them because how many people are actually trying to solve the problem for the right reasons, and not for their own self-aggrandizement? Not many, or the hunt wouldn’t be nearly as much of an issue.

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. That’s the point, probably.

[obeymehasinfluncedmythoughts]

Brothers as New Parents

Featuring Poly!Mc.

Guess who decided to finally finish this oneeeeee. I used my parents for inspiration for some of these. Sadly my getting knocked out by a carpet story didn't qualify 😔

Lucifer

Despite the name and the whole demon thing, Lucifer is actually a pretty decent father.

In the beginning though, he's really lost.

Like, the only baby he's ever raised is Satan and technically that doesn't count, so he's kinda confused here. Which really freaks him out.

Things get easier once the kid can finally walk, but don't expect Lucifer to really understand babies too much, or to like them either. They're way too noisy and dirty for him to actually enjoy. 

But that doesn’t mean he isn’t a good dad.

Sure, he's not amazing, no parent naturally is, but he isn't reckless with your child and genuinely makes attempts to keep them alive. 

He just, kinda waits till the kid isn’t spitting up daily or wearing diapers to actually like their company

Before that it just feels like another job. Or like he’s watching his brothers. 

He loves his child but, uh, he’s going to be the type of dad to forget which baby is his if we’re being honest. 

Mammon

He's really good a keeping babies entertained. Like, really good.

(Who would have known babies also like shiny things that jingle?)

Also loves to spend money on them. Like, legit any baby left under his supervision will be dressed in absurdly priced outfits. It's a little frustrating to wash these clothes, especially considering how dirty kids can get.

But besides all the spoiling and the playing, Mammon is clueless.

Like what do babies do?? What do they need? Are they supposed to sleep for that long??

He regrets not reading the baby books Satan recommended.

He's extremely clumsy as a dad, but in like that way where only he gets hurt but your child never does.

(Despite being so young, you're pretty sure the kid laughs every time he face plants.)

Likes to watch TV with the baby. The kid's probably seen every action movie known to man (and demon) by this point.

Leviathan

Levi isn't good with pregnancy, but he is pretty decent with kids.

Something about his personality really draws them to him

(Which is a great examination as to why most children must have to be taught how to share. Leviathan is a bad influence)

He kinda only ever takes over the "fun" parts of being a dad. Not because he doesn't try though. He does, really, but he often finds himself at a loss when it comes to dealing with spit-up or diapers or the little quirks babies develop.

Levi's the third oldest. He didn't have to deal with that stuff. None of them really had to, as raising angels is kinda a community effort. Seeing as Lucifer wasn't exactly the maternal type, he'd spent his years with his brother watching over kids. Never being beside them.

I think he's especially freaked out if he has a daughter. Like, he doesn't know what to so for the most part with any child, but girls are even more foreign to him, seeing as he's only ever had brothers. Well, besides Lilith, but she's a different story.

It's not really bad, he's just new to everything, but you'll probably give Lucifer an earful for not at least giving more responsibilities with Satan.

Most definitely gives his kid toy weapons and costumes to play with. They can't even walk yet but he's got a chest with princess dresses and lightsabers ready to go.

Satan

Satan is pretty much the most normal dad you could ever ask for.

Yeah, a normal demon, spell-casting dad, but norm nevertheless.

He's always the one to offer to take over your shifts in the night (He will not sub for his brothers though. They can fuck right off).

Buys you your first mother's/father's/whatever you choose to call your parental title's day gift because everyone else most likely forgets amongst the stress of baby.

Most DEFINITELY tries to do that whole "all natural" baby thing, but probably realizes a few days in that breastmilk is not only hard to obtain in the Devildom, but most demons don't really give a samn about cruelty free items (Mass produced cotton included).

^Asmo and him did this together btw. But Asmodeus did it for clout whilst Satan did it for the baby's health.

He'll dress his kid up like him. The clothes are still ugly as sin.

Asmodeus

Your kid will be internet famous before they turn five months old.

Asmo does not understand the word "privacy" or the concept of "not plastering his child's life for everyone to see"

But, you must admit, he does dress your baby up in the most adorable ways.

She might just be the only person he puts above the two of you, both as individuals, and as a couple.

(^I don't think all the brother's would think this way. Some probably still internalize their angel backgrounds or have even formed their own opinions onto where a kid places in a relationship. I might get into it more if asked but I'm leaving this here for now)

He does everything with the kid, when he has them, and if the child is biologically his (which will be extremely apparent), that kid will be with him all the damn time.

He wants his baby to be beautiful like his parents, but most of all, he wants his baby to be happy.

Will most likely turn into the exact definition of "the cool mom" from mean girls but that's far off from now.

Until then, he'll just stroll around the mall, showing his baby all the sparkly things they'll eventually love.

Beelzebub

Beel would have been a pretty normal dad if not for his more older-brother mentality.

Like, the guy has never really been around kids. He's been around Belphegor. Which isn't a huge age gap but there's still that looming protective older-sibling trait there.

He kinda sees the kid, no matter who or where it comes from, as just another sibling.

After what happened with Lilith though, he's more prone to be more protective over girls. He doesn't even recognize he's doing it tbh.

(There's actually a lot of open wounds regarding Lilith that show up in his parenting skills, but they develop a lot later)

He always has to know where your kid is at, but he doesn't necessarily need to be with them.

Like, he's afraid of something horrible happening, but he trusts his brothers, and you, to be able to handle it. He just needs the constant reassurance.

Very insistent on keeping a feeding schedule through, and is known to freak out when they refuse to eat, or get an upset stomach, or something along the lines of the digestive process goes wrong.

Beel is probably the best at bath time. Man can make some awesome rubber duck voices, and the plotlines he thinks up are very interesting.

Belphegor

The one the most scared to have a baby is the one who loves to spend the most time with the baby.

Why? Because babies sleep most of the fucking day. This is a great bonding experience.

And for some reason, you suspect it's due to his powers, the kid will sleep through anything when the two of them are together.

The minute they sleep in their room, or in a cot next to your bed, they'll be waking up hourly for some reason or another.

And it's like, you can't have the baby sleep with Belphegor all the time because if the kid genuinely needs some attention, he needs to wake up and make it known.

But damn are you tired.

Like you some how think raising a child with seven partners is harder than one, because no one should feel this exhausted when they are allowed to take at least three naps a day.

Outside that conundrum, he's a very quiet dad. He'll just sit by the baby and play with them, usually via rattle, enjoying the cute little noises they make and the faces that grace their features.

He'll miss this when the baby starts crawling.