#had to do this for my own pleasure

[thepoisonroom]

'I flirted with the idea that instead of being trans that I was just a cross-dresser (a quirk, I thought, that could be quietly folded into an otherwise average life) and that my dysphoria was sexual in nature, and sexual only. And if my feelings were only sexual, then, I wondered, perhaps I wasn’t actually trans.

I had read about a book called The Man Who Would Be Queen, by a Northwestern University professor who believed that transwomen who were attracted to women were really confused fetishists, they wanted to be women to satisfy an autogynephilia. And though I first read about this book in the context of its debunkment and disparagement, I thought about the electricity of slipping on those tights, zipping up those boots, and a stream of guilt followed. Maybe this professor was right, and maybe I was only a fetishist. Not trans, just a misguided boy.

About a year later, on the Internet, I come across a transwoman who added a unique message to the crowd refuting this professor. Oh, I wish I remember who this woman was, and I wish even more that I could do better than paraphrase her, but I remember her saying something like this: “Well, of course I feel sexy putting on women’s clothing and having a woman’s body. If you feel comfortable in your body for the first time, won’t that probably mean it’ll be the first time you feel comfortable, too, with delighting in your body as a sexual thing?”'

-Casey Plett, Consciousness

[gingermintpepper]

hi I love your tags so so much! they were so sweet and so interesting and creative and the whole Aphrodite type of beauty thing sounds really interesting do you have any articles and recommendations to read further into it??

-hogoflight

Hello my fine feathered (I am assuming possession of feathers if you are, indeed, capable of flight) @hogoflight! I'm always always happy to hear that people appreciate my frenzied rambling in the tags :D! I have a lot of articles and recommendations :D!! Ancient Greek notions of beauty and representations of it in their art and sculptures is a pretty well studied topic! There isn't any way for us now to know definitively what the beauty standard was (it varied widely from region to region and culture to culture after all) but here are a couple of my favourite reads about Aphrodite and what her representations tell us about idealised beauty!

Probably the most empirically extensive one I can list is Krönström's thesis which compares statues of Aphrodite and literary text referring to both the goddess and mortal women to determine physical ideals for women in five specific eras of Grecian antiquity. Including measurements of the statues there are many descriptions of Aphrodite as 'curvy' with a 'voluptuous figure' and with 'ample buttocks and bosom'.

"When the beauty traits are described in the texts, they are never extreme or anything that could not be found in normal people just that they are more beautiful in every aspect. Furthermore, the sculptures’ physical forms look healthy, they are tall and have distinct curves. Great examples of this are the Knida sculpture and de Milo (the Melian) sculpture."

Of course, these images are still idealised, and there was still a concept such as 'too fat' or 'too skinny' found in written records (and this thesis even includes analysis of pornographic writings and descriptions of the fashion and stylings of pubic hair of women from different regions!!) but from an interpretational standpoint? There is absolutely no reason why these can't refer to a fuller figure. Height was also a very important factor after all and over the course of many eras, it seems like being well proportioned in addition to the length and appearance of one's hair were the most important factors (and, like Apollo, greater beauty was given to those with curlier hair)

Mireille M. Lee's 'Other Ways of Seeing' essay which talks about the forgotten female viewers of Knidian Aphrodite which is also extremely illuminating on how Aphroditic sexuality and sensuality was perceived totally differently from the well documented male voyeuristic gaze (which was overly preoccupied with the statue's nakedness and therefore over-sensationalised the statue's physical appearance) vs women's perspective on the statue which is more centered on the beauty of simplicity in Aphrodite's garment and decoration and in her power and ability to captivate both in her finery and without it. I think it's especially useful in exploring the importance of finery, jewellry and adornment in representations of Aphroditic beauty.

"Some of the small-scale copies are heavily jeweled, especially those from the eastern Mediterranean, for example the Hellenistic gilded terracotta statuette in the Çanakkale Museum (Fig. 5) in which the goddess wears, in addition to the armband on her (right) arm, the following: a necklace with multiple pendants; cross-bands extending over both shoulders and hips, with a cascading pendant in the center; a coiled snake armband on the left arm and another snake on her left thigh, and a twisted anklet on her right leg. (The left leg has been restored, and might also have featured an anklet.)"

"Jewelry is especially associated with Aphrodite in Greek literature. As seen above, in the Homeric Hymn to Aphrodite, the goddess adorns herself with gold jewelry, dress-pins, and earrings in the shape of flowers (162–3)..."

Finally, and to me, the most important one in the argument for an interpretation of Hyacinthus as fat, beautiful and fundamentally Aphroditic comes from Brilmayer's brilliant brilliant thesis done on Aphrodite's work and influence in Archaic Greek Poetry which does away with all of that masculine preoccupation with physical proportion, measurement and bodily ideals for a focus on a Sapphic Aphroditic ideal centered in clothing, ornamentation and, most importantly cunning as symbols of Aphrodite and ultimately a feminine idealised form of beauty. This paper also discusses Pandora and Helen in these terms and it is just kind of a wonderful read tbh.

"Combining Homeric and Hesiodic elements with her own ideas, she [Sappho] alters the way female beauty is viewed. For example, the Homeric war chariot – a symbol of male, military prowess - comes to symbolise the totality of Aphrodite’s power uniting in itself male and female qualities. Having addressed the concept of beauty directly, Sappho then concludes that beauty lies in the eye of the beholder. With the help of Helen of Troy and her beloved Anaktoria, Sappho sets out to reinvent the concept of female beauty as a godlike, subjective quality that may be expressed in many ways, yet remains inspired by Aphrodite."

The conclusion to all of this of course is that Aphroditic ideal beauty is much more fluid compared to its stricter Apolline masculine standard. The nuances and understandings of both are of course, constantly being studied, analysed and scrutinised but really, if Dionysus who was both bearded and clean shorn, effeminate, birthed and rebirthed (and twice gestated!) and strongly associated with vegetation can be popularly portrayed as fat and handsome, why can't Hyacinthus?!

[arom-antix]

Viktuuri week day 6: Love

[tswwwit]

I would love, even if its just its just brief summaries, to know the different thoughts going through bills head throughout the last smut. (mainly when he got the text and when dipper starts just blurting out thoughts and ideas bc i think those moments would be fun to see)

Imagine you're having the shittiest day at work. You're gritting your teeth and hanging onto it by your fingernails, knowing that eventually dealing with this absolutely idiotic, waffling, overstuffed, condescending dipshit of a client will be done with, you'll charge him out the nose for your services - which will probably be, like a hundred dollars, the way this is going! What bullshit. At least afterwards, you can collapse onto the bed and complain to your spouse about it. Which you have been doing, actually, waiting for a decent excuse to bail or check out early.

Then you get a text. And it's your partner saying they got you a brand new console, your favorite pizza - Oh! And a million bucks in untraceable cash - but you might have to kick your shitty client in the nuts so hard his eyes pop out. Does that sound... okay? No pressure or anything.

The reason Bill was a minute later than expected is because even he needed a moment. It was the sheer whiplash from going from Shit to Fucking Amazing.

[chilapis]

I think every moment is eternal in its own right and we hold no authority to deny it that status. Even if it is a forever that will escape our memories, it’ll still exist as a forever in the history of time. In the memories of no-one but the Earth itself. In the records kept and made by no-one, where everything is stored for all time to come. No love is lost and no existence truly unacknowledged.

[brobotsbro]

Me: cringe culture is dead! Like what you like, write about your blorbos who cares if it's self indulgent or bad or whatever!

Me: unless it's me. I can't let anyone know I Feel

[happyfeetfuryroad]

It's 100% pedantic and unnecessary on my part but I can't help but push back in my head when people analyze Ed and Stede's first time and say it was "the wrong decision"/"a bad idea"/"[something that] shouldn't have happened"

It may be because I'm an AuDHD trying to break free of the mind prison that is perfectionism, but I object to the idea that something that is good and wanted and needed in the moment is "the wrong idea" just because it has unwanted consequences afterwards. Delayed gratification is a nice idea in theory, but your brain just doesn't work like that sometimes. Sometimes your ability to be patient and work towards long term goals is nonexistent because you're too fucking stressed to handle that kind of work. To punish yourself for giving into short term pleasure is to deny the fact that you cannot bend your brain to arbitrary plans without accounting for your own needs.

Stede and Ed were always destined to fail to take things slow, one way or another. They're not in an environment where they're allowed to go at their own pace. External forces keep trying to pull them apart and end their lives. They got tortured along with their entire crew just when they thought they could relax and enjoy themselves for once. Stede killed a man in cold blood and broke down over it. Of course their plans to take things slow fell apart. They nearly lost each other and saw each other suffer in ways they hadn't before - of course they wanted, no, needed intimacy. Who wouldn't, in their place?

Yes, this does complicate things for them afterwards. Yes, Ed regrets it. But hindsight is 20/20. It's easy to fixate on one thing that didn't go according to plan and blame it for every problem you're having at the moment. The truth is that the problems they're having (Ed wanting to give up the pirate life while Stede leans more and more into it) would have surfaced eventually either way, and there's no guarantee that them not having sex would have made things any easier.

[mejomonster]

I hate panic attacks

[talaricula]

Someone in the notes of that sex toy amount poll genuinely called owning over 11 sex toys "a bit greedy" and I haven't stopped laughing about it in three days

[iniziare]

Tag drop: Jing Yuan (incomplete, but the rest will be added behind the scenes) (... and a little return of Yelan's aesthetic, for I've missed her desperately)

[imnotpayingforurtherapy]

ace spec Dazai is so important to me

[whysamwhy123]

HALLEJUAH!! I REMEMBERED HOW TO ACTUALLY FINISH WRITING SOMETHING FOR A CHANGE!!

Of course, it's not any of the fics I wanted to finish. I went back to what is essentially my bread-and-butter now and wrote a short-ish, random OrangeHook fluff. But considering how much writing's been a struggle as of late, I'm just glad that I successfully finished something. I was back in one of those stretches where I couldn't seem to write much of anything. And this fic isn't about their age difference or Hook being a cuddlebug, so...progress?

Unless I decide I completely hate it (which is always a possibility) expect something to drop on Valentine's Day, tis the season, after all.

[lulousims]

It's been officially longer than a year since I last posted gameplay pics...

For the most part of 2022, I couldn't play The Sims because I shared a computer and we couldn't agree on it. Then I played it for like, 2 months (in 2023!) on my bf's computer, but I couldn't take any screenshots 😭 And now, since October of 2023, I've been in England working as a volunteer, with no access to a personal computer. My friend was kind enough to lend me his laptop a few weeks ago so that I could finally play a bit, but it's not ideal because, well, it's his, and he needs it for work outside of the volunteering. I might be able to get my hands on a new laptop soon though (!!!!!!), and I'm really excited about finally being able to remove the "hiatus" from my bio! Or at least replace it with "semi hiatus", you know lol

I obviously won't be able to even remember what's gone on in my households, but at least I'll be back to playing once every few weeks and documenting my stuff. If everything works out, I should be here in one or two weeks, posting unedited screenshots of my game, like I used to, and getting 2 to 5 likes on each post <3 Just how I like it!

[cupuasu]

DONE WITH TODAYS ASSIGNMENTS FUCKING FINALLLYYYY IM FREEE!!!!! IM FREE!!!!!! WORST EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFEEEEE

[widowshill]

call me crazy but feel like rog does remember his and v’s anniversary. did he do anything, ever, for his and laura’s, other than toasting burke in prison (by himself)? no he did not. could he tell you her birthday after ten years of marriage? probably not. however. v melts into an absolute puddle even if he does the barest possible minimum on her birthday / anniversaries / etc. ditches work to stay with her and surprise her with flowers. wakes her up with smooches & breakfast in bed ( he did not make it he's just delivering ). anniversaries they'd definitely take off to boston or new york for the weekend, birthdays though she'd want to spend at home. not for a party oh god forbid but just to be surrounded by family, maybe some time out on the boat, a little séancing to hang out with her ghost besties too.

not to be all "she was born in a wet cardboard box all alone" but having hard dates to celebrate, and feeling really loved on the birthday she has, the real anniversary she has, is soooo important to her. she needs those tangible markers to hold onto. and it's not like taking his pretty little wife out dancing is a chore, either.

[alluralater]

your lips are so sexy holy shit, I wonder what a good girl like you can do with them