#halo rambles

[ghurnax]

I think about close mutuals that deleted or that I don't talk with often anymore and I miss them. We're getting older. Life gets in the way. Sometimes neither of us know how to start a conversation because the dynamic of our friendship has changed and it's been like two years since we last had a conversation with any sort of depth.

I still love you. I hope life has been kind to you. I still consider us friends. I still think you deserve nothing but kindness and joy in your life. I hope you're happy. I hope that if you aren't happy that something wonderful happens to you.

I hope that you see this and know you made an impact on my life and that my life was made better for knowing you.

I hope we talk again one day. 💛

[haloburns]

had some free time to think today and i just. got really sad about the life i used to think i was going to have before i became disabled

(whoops this turned into a Journal Entry, so im putting it beneath a read more sry lmao)

like. i had plans to travel europe and work in cafes and stay out too late in clubs with my new friends and then stumble in to open the cafe with my clothes from the night before and smeared makeup. and like, maybe thats a weird dream to have, but id spent so long in this tiny little box in my hometown (kinda. its complicated bc ive lived where i am now longer than the place i was born, but my birthplace will always be my hometown, to me.) so i was reaching for experiences so drastically different from the life id known.

but then i went to college out of state. 10h from home, almost in canada. and i did spend a good chunk of my first two years partying exactly like i described: work until 8/9, go home eat something fatty and greasy, change into smth slutty and cool, and go out with my friends and stay out until the wee hours, making out and dancing with whoever asked. two one night stands came of it, both embarrassing for different reasons (thats a whole different post lmao but i dont regret either, actually) but i had so much fun. i felt free. like i could truly be myself for the first time in my life

and then i became disabled.

(caveat: ive probably been disabled my whole life, but i simply. never noticed. i didnt know it wasnt normal to be in pain, because i didnt know what 'pain-free' meant. it wasnt until i started making diasbled and crippled friends that they made me realize that living at a 4/5 on the pain scale All The Time is in fact not normal)

i got a terrible cold my first thanksgiving. spent the entire break on the couch in the lounge sniffling and coughing, trash can, tissues, hand sanitizer, and lotion all right next to me because i was DETERMINED not to get anyone sick (context: this was pre covid. wearing masks was like. not a thought.) despite everyone having gone home/away for the break. i got my first (and only) case of viral pink eye. i had bronchitis until april. that same january, while i still had bronchitis, my knees suddenly swelled up so badly i couldnt move for two days. my knees have ached almost daily since then.

from there, it was simply a cascade failure of things. fingers and wrist hurt constantly, no matter what i did or what brace i wore. (hint: i ended up having de quervaines tenosynovitis and had to have surgery bc it went untreated for 5+ years) back was constantly cramping. feet hurt after only a four hour shift. stairs became impossible. i was constantly exhausted, no matter what i did.

then, in december 2020, i was home like everyone else, and i was working in my mom's office full time while also attending classes full time remotely (like everyone else). my mom took a week off. finals week. she left me in charge, since i was the second most senior person in the office with my roughly two years experience. my half sister was demanding to know why our other sister wouldnt talk to her after she borrowed our car to go see our estranged father. again. (we gave her permission to borrow the car, but it still hurt). the exhaustion was getting worse and worse until thursday of that week. my coworker was threatening to call my mom to come pick me up because i couldnt think, could barely talk, and i was nodding off at my desk. and then my half sister called out of nowhere and wanted to talk. and i was so tired, so done with EVERYTHING, i let her have it. that took the last bit of my energy and i told my coworker to call my mom.

i spent a week in bed with the worst pain in my life. my entire body ACHED. my cat couldnt lay on me because it felt like i was being crushed to death my a bed of needles. my elbow swelled up so badly i could hardly move it. i could barely sit up to eat or stand to go pee. i slept SO MUCH.

i returned to work maybe a week or two after. i maybe finished my classes but i hoenstly dont remember. i moved back up to school in jan/feb with covid restrictions so i could finish my senior year on campus. i couldnt walk to the mail room and back without needing a nap. i couldnt go to starbucks and bring back two coffees without needing a break in the middle of my walk. i went to the health services because something wasnt right.

after some tests and lots of arguing with some shitty doctors and PTs, the light of my life, dr k diagnosed me with chronic fatigue. i finally had an answer for all my issues.

i thought that was it.

that summer, june/july 2021, i developed postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome and fought to get it taken seriously. two er trips with elevated heart rate, brain fog, and high bp, and it took the second trip to have them take me SERIOUSLY and get a referral. the cardiologist told me i was fat and just needed to exercise more, the three heart monitors don't show stereotypical tachycardic events, so im just experiencing elevated heart rates. i was fine. finally convince him to put me on propranolol, the "as needed" dose, and fuck off when he says he wants to work me off them and get me exercising.

i found a doctor who took me seriously and listened when i said "i have x problem. i would like a solution." and gave me referral after referral after referral, chasing more and more diagnoses. she never once made me feel insane for my symptoms, never made me feel unheard, and she never failed to make me cry in relief every time i went to see her and didnt have to fight for just an ounce of care.

since then, ive been diagnosed with moderate asthma, psoriasis, fibromyalgia, and potentially (almost assuredly) hypermobile ehlers-danlos syndrome. (for those of you keeping track, thats six diagnoses in four years) dr m, my savior, retired this year, and ive found a new doctor im hoping i can teach to treat me with the same care and respect. shes already given me a second referral to gastroenterology for my stomach issues (which... might just be from too much ibuprofen... :) rip me) and neurology bc my migraines that have crippled me for upwards of a month before are no longer being managed by my meds and i need something more specific before i start new meds. she said shed find me a doctor to dx heds, bc shes still new and wasnt comfortable with the tests required and didnt want to do it wrong, which endears her to me just a little more

but all of ^^^ that is just a big winding way to say that my life has changed a LOT since i graduated high school. i can no longer stand for long periods of time. i cant lift more than maybe 5-10lbs, and i certainly cant carry it for any significant length of time. i get migraines so easily. my joints slip out of place if i step wrong. i cant go out one night and expect to be up and at'em early the next day. i have to weigh my energy vs what i want to get done vs what needs to get done, and most days, nothing gets done at all.

and sometimes, usually when i get a new diagnosis and a new complication to my life, i mourn the life i used to dream about for myself. i mourn the things ive had to lose out on because my reality has changed so drastically. i cant go to amusement parks anymore. i cant go to standing-room-only concerts. i cant go to the grocery by myself. and you can forget doing things like wandering through the mall to kill time or going for a leisurely walk around the park.

being disabled is not the worst thing to happen to me, and i dont think im damaged or broken or anything like that. despite all the pain and complications and accomodations i have and need, i love myself the way i am. after all, i am now the funniest fucking person in ANY room. i dont think i want it back, because i love the life i have now (meaningful volunteer work, a dnd group i love, and a partner i thank the stars for regularly). but sometimes, its hard not to mourn the life i thought id have

[o0kawaii0o]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KING 🗣🗣🗣

[djh4l0v3rv3r]

What made you like DJ? Did you love his canon version immediately or did you see fanon stuff that made you get into the character?

Oh! Hello anon! To answer your question, I really liked the DJ mainly for his colourful pallet, even though he's difficult to draw, that simply just makes him more likeable for me! He's really fun to draw and don't make me start on the amount of Headcanons I have for him, or else we'll be here till tomorrow morning lol

What I mean to say is: I really liked his character (the canon version) mainly because of how much freedom I had with his character! He's fun and difficult and really makes me happy everytime I see a new post with fanart of him in my feed ^^

[kirks-slutty-red-tights]

this cutscene actually makes me lose my shit. like what is this. that. they did not need to stare into each others eyes for THAT long. AND MASTER CHIEF SHOVING THE GUN INTO THEL'S MOUTH??? HELLO???????

happy pride month from the gaylo fandom.

[xi-xi-chen]

Lightcannon Week // Day 03 - Dystopian

Bringing back Halo! I had so much fun drawing an old design I made for them. Spartan Lux and Soldier Jinx, although she eventually joins the ODST unit.

But ever since the Spartans were released to the front, Jinx can't help but notice as Lux seems to be assigned to her platoon everytime they deploy. Eventually Jinx realizes a terrible truth about how Spartans were made, especially about the rumor of clones being involved. Jinx would not only find herself fighting war but thrown into an investigation about missing children.

On the other hand, Lux has been at death's doorstep several times over but Jinx refuses to let her die, even after she told Jinx that her purpose is to fight for humanity, she's just a weapon afterall, nothing else.

_____________________

Some notes : (disclaim//this isn't at all from expertise, I'm still in training)

CO - Company Commander <- this is usually a captain's position, (or Lieutenant [Officer]) that controls two platoons, in turn, platoons have four squads, squads with fire teams, breaking it down more, each squad is two Attack by fire or assaulting elements (ABF), one support by fire (SBF) and a weapons squad (WPN) (this is the most mass casualty producing team, they are very essential to the operations.)

AO - Area of Operations <- this is not completely accurate for this scenario, however may be still categorized as Area of Op since this mission is classified as a Raid turned Defense in order to eliminate the enemy forces and cut off some of their supply chain within the objective.

Radio Dia - "Monkey Tree niner-- (3-9) Platoon Lead will first address the Squad Lead by their assigned nics and then repeat their own after brief of OPORD. Usually, we give radios only to the main chain of command within our platoon, which is our leadership. Does not contain team leads either. However, I can't remember if all the soldiers in Halo were hooked up on the same frequency of comms. Oh, well. But the pain I felt while rewatching Halo legends...NEVER say "over and out." Blegh! It's just "Out!"

++ OPORD - Operations Order <- basically the plan about the shit that's about to go down. It's pages upon pages of planning people, not fun, but very important. We have two more Orders as well, yay, more paperwork...

[s4nnyside]

“halo yuri isn’t real” think again

[buqbite]

Halo

[anthurak]

Continuing on the topic of the possibility of a Charlie/Vaggie/Emily polycule*, I thought I’d discuss a few other thoughts on why these three could totally work together:

Assuming that Vaggie was originally human, and perhaps has even ‘become’ human again in a way with the removal of her wings, then these three together could represent an interesting thematic ‘trinity’ bridging Hell and Heaven: We have a Demon (Charlie), a Human (Vaggie) and an Angel (Emily) all coming together.

Next, and this could have some interesting implications for the next two episodes if we get a B-plot focused on Vaggie, given just how SIMILAR Charlie and Emily are, if Vaggie had to spend any amount of time with Emily, you can’t tell me she wouldn’t start falling for Emily too. Or that Vaggie trying to stay angry/jealous of Emily and failing miserably wouldn’t be completely hilarious.

Additionally, you know how Charlie’s and Vaggie’s character designs are clearly meant to subvert a lot of traditional gender norms? Like how Charlie is has a lot traditionally feminine/‘girly’ personality traits like being super upbeat, cheerful, friendly and kind, yet dresses exclusively in masculine clothes and is taller than her partner, while Vaggie has a lot of traditionally masculine/butch personality traits yet wears much more feminine clothing and is the shorter of the pair? Well imagine if Emily ends up following this trend if/when she joins Charlie and Vaggie in Hell?

Like say, Fallen-Angel!Emily ends up going PURE emo/goth/punk look, while of course remaining exactly the same upbeat, cheerful cinnamon roll just like Charlie that she was before. And maybe cheerfully dropping f-bombs left and right because she can swear now and thinks cussing is really fun!

*Speaking of which, have we settled on a ship name for these three yet? I realize ‘Chaggiem’ works well enough (and sounds amusingly similar to ‘requiem’ of all things) but personally I think ‘Unholy Trinity’ is pretty good. Alternatively, ‘Two and a Half Halos’.

[ghurnax]

Dusting off my old fanfic author hat and putting it on again after more than 10 years since I last posted anything has been equal parts weird and fun.

I missed writing purely for myself and it's been great actually having people comment on each new chapter I post.

Special shoutout to everyone that leaves kudos on fanfics.

[trashinyourpockets]

While Gamma is less noticed, Sigma takes front stage for maliciousness. Literally, bro is the villain for a few seasons until he's snapped out of existence, along with his siblings.

Can you really blame him though?(yes) He's the ambition. He strives to achieve his goals, no matter the costs. He really has no other purpose.

Still an evil motherfucker(Can't stress this enough), rip agent maine and alpha, but at least you can see why.

He's the worst part for the Alpha, just like it's the worst part of the Director.

I love this series and it's characters.

[ab-rinart]

Tbh I love the way you draw sangheili, they look sorta like frogs

Forg

[halo-desert-rose]

Idk if this means anything but I’m thinking about how two dead characters who were really close to Arthur have names that are sheep-related (Peter Yang and Faroe)

Parker’s last name just means ‘sheep’ or ‘goat’ in Mandarin and Cantonese (I like to think he’s Cantonese or just Southern Chinese because most Chinese immigrants from the 30s would have been from the south iirc)

Faroe (as in the Faroe Islands) just means ‘the sheep islands’ in Nordic.

Idk if it’s intentional or has deeper meaning but that’s a lot of sheep (a whole island plus one)

[da-shrimping-station]

Something I can't unsee,,,,

i just had to share w @ryu1131514

he has the same sun and stars on his halo 😭

Sorry PH players damayan na to di kayo exempted 😁😁

[kirks-slutty-red-tights]

killing elites as master chief and apologizing to his future husband (the arbiter). this is because im normal.

[batfossil-fr]

please make the swords cool flight rising. please make them cool. I’m begging you