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heartorbit · 1 year

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creatures

#project sekai #pjsk #prsk #emu otori #nene kusanagi #tsukasa tenma #queuing this for like 6 in the morning dont let me fool you into thinking i woke up this early #im sorry posting at like 7pm feels so wrong. people are up at 7pm. dont like that #'why didnt you draw rui' Well why is rui so hard to draw. Anybody ever think of that.#I still havent finished that wxs nene gaming art i used as an example in my comms sheetbc i dont wanna have to render rui #Yes wxs are all my favorites. Yes that includes rui. Yes im tiering 3k in his event rn. No i wont figure out his hair #get that glowstick of a woman out of my face. He needs to het an alt hairstyle i cna draw.#sorry what was i tagging again. um. Whatever aHiiiii #WAIT #emukasa #YAAAAY #im a polyshower but theyre the only ones i drew together so enjoy yuri #i found a cute blog theme that also hides tags under a hover so i can say as much as i want and nobody can be annoyed #If you choose to look at my dastardly tags after i hid them away thats on you

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electric-plants · 19 days

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slight hsr spoilers but—

they might as well have just impaled me on a stake

#honkai star rail #honkai star rail spoilers #hsr #hsr spoilers #hsr 2.2 #hsr 2.2 spoilers #penacony spoilers #hsr aventurine #im going to CRY #AGAIN #STOPP #im going to eat a BRICK #tfw one throw away message hits harder than the entire last part of the trailblazer mission combined💀💀#i was going to complain that i was sad he was mostly absent for this part #but uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #this message thread???? hello???#im going to throw up #i love him sm its not even funny #going to be replaying this dumb short little message thread in my head all day smh #can’t believe i get to say im playing hsr for more than just the astral express fam now #im there for the astral express fam and him apparently #sorry you can’t give him a backstory like that #and then make him send us shit like THIS #and just expect me to be normal about it #also i do NOT want to talk about the ‘there aren’t many friends’ line #i’ll die if i think too hard about it #top ten hsr threads that emotionally RUIN me #his other thread is in the top ten too i hate this man (said while loving him dearly)#they really did not have to go that hard with his story and personality and play style and design and—

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moeblob · 2 months

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Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.

Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.

#my characters #waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit #deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee #and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name #deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c #man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while #he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair #ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so #its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons #but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me #and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not #fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew #and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable #while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts #and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed #so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en #so you know maybe its that idk #and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now #and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it #and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad #that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal #and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it #the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer #anyway story time in the tags again #im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note #its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him #he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times #and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea #and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you

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simcardiac-arrested · 8 months

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there's a pipebomb in your mailbox

#ghhhweuhghh #whhuehgghhhh #looks around pathetically like a little fish . With the biggest eyes ever #blinks at my screen one eye at a time #jaga you cant keep getting away with this im serious. doing some sort of shit to me always #somerhhjng bad happening to me. maybe shitting myself over these designs for hours was worth it #starts throwing rocks around for no reason . soemthing happening #it’s been like one hour istill can’t think of anything to say i feel like i got hit on the head real hard #sorry i had the worst day on planet earth but this made me relaly happyy but also ]%{*}*}%&:);&$[>]*]€|€):&;;₽@272928484 #i’ll reblog it later with more thoughts maybe i dont knowww. weuhggh i like Like them #i love tha you gave watch more face markings ….. and emerge looks so cutes …. awww belyflop think it’s smiling !#i think i need to go. in the dark #cramswering #is for me tag #oc: watchful eye #oc: in case of emergency #blinks really hard. againe #i need to jump into liquid cyanide

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straawberries · 7 months

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hi happy halloween im out of food again

please commission me or donate

ive pretty much given up on being able to afford moving out so just being able to afford to live until i get kicked out would be nice

c*sh*pp (does this actually need to be censored?) is delilahswagga, p*yp*l is @delilahkill

not asking for a lot here even a few people donating a few dolalrs or getting 2 dollar commissions would help me a lot

#working on a new comm sheet ill reblog with it later #not eating regularly is like the biggest thing that makes my depression worse and it fucking sucks #thanks god for making the biggest thing that makes me happy the one thing i cant get regularly #meow #i hate e begging i feel like such a fucking loser right now. god #gotta love that autism!!!!!!!!!!#my dad keeps intentionally buying shit he knows i cant fucking eat without meltdowns #just because he thinks 'more food in pantry for longer = better' regardless of means #ive started just throwing away the fucking disgusting cans of soup in the hopes that he'll go to the store and buy something else #but every time he goes to the store he just buys me like #a bag of chips #and everything else is for him #if i touch the fucking meat he'll kill me and he buys like several hundred dollars of meat every month for his stupid smoker #he has bought 4 smokers in the last year but cant fucking stomach the thought of giving me some money for groceries #like expensive smokers #i know hes fucking lying when he says hes too poor to get me the shit that im actually able to comfortably eat at the cost of a few dollars #wow i am ranting hard in these tags. sorry #saved for later #<- so i can reblog this later if i need to

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 10 months

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the desire to do comms vs my inability to remember that i got a message FIGHT-

#its like 'oh a message! i will respond later'#and then later never comes cause i have no damn object permanence Or working memory #then its like... what do i even say #'hi sorry i ghosted your simple question for two days i forgot you messaged me' AGH #or especially lately #i mean to do things and then i get a New piece of distressing information about the way my life is going #which then consumes my thoughts and leaves no room for anything else #ahaha thanks! ill claw my eyes out now!! wow!!! FUCK!#trying to keep up the things i enjoy is. so tough rn #but ill flounder w/o em so! hard work that i am mostly failing at but i Keep Trying #yes i wanna do comms. yes i wanna draw. yes i wanna talk to people. can i? mmmmm......#can't wait for this chapter in my life to be over. goddamn.#ive been in a perpetual state of intense stress since early childhood #but my fucking duck things lately have been taking the cake #absolutely unprompted #oh no this is turning into a vent post Look Away #well my mother called again last night and was all 'im getting you a car'#and uh. i started physically shaking while profusely thanking her (lying through me teeth)#GIRL!!! I DONT NEED A CAR THATS TOO MUCH RN!!!#she's always mentioning how the collective We are tight on money #and that rn i need to focus on making decisions and getting a job ill hold for like. a month #and then she slams this down outta left field??? thats so much extra stress i dont need right now???#now i gotta worry about parking and maintaining it and gas money i dont have And And And-#i cant exactly tell her Dont Fucking Do That bc then she'll blow up in my face and call me inconsiderate & ungrateful again #me and my stepdad dont have the fucking TIME to get one! and then she was like 'oh i can always come down to help'#please dont. do not do that. i cant deal with you in person right now that sounds hellish #anyway. case in point #cant even think about messages and stuff i Want to think about bc all this bullshit is taking up my entire mind #metaphorically slamming my face into a brick wall till theres nothing left. aaaghhahsbkjadadj #its too much its Too Much everything is so much and its too much and can i be let be for two fuckin seconds please

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lucyvaleheart · 2 months

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#supposed to log good things #most of day was negative feelings and sadness #then. i remember feeling good #and then. tthe good went away #rreplaxed with the usual self doubt and loathing #the feelings of undesirability #the wish that i was. attractive in any way to anyone close to me that anyone wanted to. touch me #that i wasn't horrifically gross and disgusting #do the people who hold me do it out of pity? am i really so awful #pictures get a lot of praise #sometimes #less so lately #maybe the novelty of my personality has worn off #maybe seeing how broken i am #such a shambling wailing mess of a girl #....has made people realize how ugly i am #i don't know. its hard to care most nights #I'm supposed to feel better in the mornings #i don't usually #I used to #now i just feel..... dead inside #like a walking corpse #some part of me wants to make that reality #sigh.#anyway.#im sorry you had to read this whoever you are that's made it this far #it's a cry for help but my discord status says don't message me so it's. probably not gonna get much lol #.....i guess uh. if you've read this far and do want to say something you can take this tag in particular as a one time pass to do so #....i make no guarentees I'll respond but i will guarentee that i won't kill myself. at least not tonight or even any time this week

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candyredappledragon · 4 months

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.. small update: im at least feeling better.

other than that im gonna try and take care of pecharunt.....

#rotomblr #pkmn irl #text post #...im sorry. ghghhghhhh #im a bad trainer!!!!! WAHHHHHHH #luckily the others didnt get sick.. especially furret. been trying to keep them away from me.#.its been so hard to say no to furret when he looks at me with pleading teary eyes.. killing my slowly.

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lunarr-stuff · 2 months

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...

#its been so long since i actually made a friend #vent #that its hard #to realize that they like me #that they want me there #and that they miss me #that i assume that they dont care and they wouldnt want me there anyway #after who would care about lil ole me #and then they ask #hey where were you why didnt you come #didnt you say you wanted to meet #im just too used to pulling away at the slight bit of disinterest #that it surprises me that they like me #the concept is so foriegn to me #i feel like if i get too close im going to be so dissapointed #know ing so many times that i got sttached that i loved and got spat in the face on #the amount of times i decided to pull away for a bit and then we never talked again #it had happened so many times that it has affected my self esteem to the point the thought that i am a useless person that no one could car #for let alone even see had become a fact in my mind i feel so damn invisible sometimes i cant even feel myself #when people show interest i smile and wave knowing fully well that its all just temporary and i wont see them after the first 3 meetings #it hurts so much #i feel unlovable yet when someone tries i cant believe it and end up ghosting them #i need to believe in myself more #i need to learn to love abit more #even if it ends up hurting me #im sorry #but i need to do this for myself #this person feels like a good person #i should give them a chance #even if it feels like ive already messed up

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carcarrot · 11 months

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im just going to go off in the tags for my review but last nights concert was crazy, entertaining, and crazily entertaining. while they did not play the rhythm thief clearly my rhythm, if i ever had any, was stolen and ron and russell were easily able to see my lack of clapping and dancing skills. when will those 70+ year old men stop beating me at everything

#you would think clapping on the beat is easy. not when youre on a level of excitement you havent been since you were a kid #in all seriousness my sarcastic tone is covering the fact that i really did enjoy it all so much. now on to the analysis #we'll get right to the heart of the matter: russell was sweating three songs in and well. there are many benefits to being in the front row #im really really sorry. but. good god i may have been looking at his neck a lot of the time #also it may have been during the first song but i feel like it was during another one where he jumped (beaver o'lindy?)#and my eyebrow raise and look of 👁️👄👁️ when his shirt rode up was very palpable. i was very close .#i think russ looked at me a couple times near the start but it was more of a dfjfljkda dont look at me im staring at u like 😍 moment for me #im just so self conscious it hurts! but i was smiling my head off the entire time while also not knowing how to stand #the front row was standing the entire time it was wild #also i think the moment i predicted did happen of ron giving me a look like 🤨 for knowing all the lyrics to one of their more obscure songs #but i could be wrong.#russell was bouncing off the walls as usual but good god to see it in person. and he sounded incredible!!!!#i also could not resist bouncing a few times. its contagious. plus you gotta do it during music that you can dance to #good gosh what a fun time.#at the end of the concert someone was like 'i could see you looking with such love' like yes very true. good to know it was obvious #can i just say again russell was sooo. its a different thing altogether seeing him like 6 feet away in the Real World #did i mention how sweaty he was. ok review almost over #still no eaten by the monster of love but hard to complain with such a great show #spars #sparks tour 2023 spoilers

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aphrodite-made-me-write-it · 5 months

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R u still writing?

yes, sorry to say it's slow and not for imagines though

i might come back to here one day, idk, it's a nice writing exercise

at the moment, though, i'm writing one (erm, three) long ass bishova au, but i do have plenty of authors to recommend if u wouldl ike some!

i do enjoy refreshing y'all on who's somehwat active on the kate/yelena x reader tag, just to keep 'em alive and to encourage authors to keep writing

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danielnelsen · 6 months

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someone was recommending an app for android and i asked if there was an ios equivalent and got the whole “apple sucks, just get an android” like…….buddy where am i getting this new phone from? are YOU gonna buy it for me? i’ve had one phone in my life that wasn’t second hand and that was my first flip phone. if my current phone died right now, i just wouldn’t have a phone until someone i know got a new one and was nice enough to give me their old one. are you expecting me to just turn down their offers until someone just gives me an android?

#i don’t get annoyed about it too often but my current phone is possibly the worst phone i’ve ever had #so like. i’m not just sitting here thinking hard about what phone to get next. i will take what i can get.#same with laptops. i haven’t had one in nearly two years and if someone offered me a mac i’d take it in an instant #no matter how much i’d prefer windows #like maybe consider that your phone-shopping experiences aren’t universal. i’d you don’t know an ios equivalent just say that #personal #sorry i’ve just had so many people criticise my phone recently with the whole tone of ‘get a new one’ and it’s getting to me #i’ve started just straight-up asking if they’ll buy me one to try to get the point across #but on this topic. hey does anyone have a phone or laptop they’re willing to give away 🙃#kinda annoyed at my sister who said the other week that she might get a new phone and could give me her old one #and a few days later i asked what kinda timeframe that would be and she got mad at me for being pushy about it #like ‘i was just considering it you can’t just expect it’ like wtf i was just asking. if it’s not gonna be soon just say it’s not soon yeesh #idk im just getting overwhelmed and annoyed at people being so presumptive and also demanding of what i should do #my phone has about 4gb of space i can actually use so i have to spend half my time swapping which apps i have installed #and i don’t have a laptop so it’s literally my only portable device of that kind #DO YOU THINK THIS IS A CHOICE THAT I HAVE MADE?#like can you think for maybe 2 seconds about why someone might have a phone that sucks #‘why dont you just—‘ MONEY. the answer is MONEY. why tf do you think i ‘dont just’#anyway. tips are enabled and i’m pretty sure my pypl is ashtonlove

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spitblaze · 2 years

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if your argument against a 4 or 6 hour workday is ‘I need more time than that to get everything I need to do done’ and your job doesn’t involve your constant undivided attention on a single task for inordinate lengths of time (surgeon, pilot, etc.), the problem isn’t that you need more time in the day to get stuff done, the problem is that you’re overworked.

#spitblaze says things #and im aware 'overworked' is a broad term here #thats on purpose. sometimes that means youre given more tasks than one person should reasonably handle #sometimes that means you have a lot of superfluous shit you need to do on top of the stuff that actually NEEDS to get done #sometimes that means you need to set a hard limit on how long and how often meetings are #and usually it means ur company is intentionally hiring as few people as it can get away with so they dont have 2 pay more people #(at the low cost of shit not being distributed well enough to keep ur employees from drowning on just a normal-ass day)#and the list goes on. the point is. if u dont have a job that REALLY needs YOU SPECIFICALLY there for 6+ hours.#ur almost definitely being overworked in some way #also. shifts! shifts are a GREAT way to mitigate 'but we need more time to be open'#HIRE MORE PEOPLE AND GET ANOTHER SHIFT GOIN. LET PEOPLE WORK THE 4/6 HOURS THEY WANNA #INSTEAD OF EXPECTING EVERYONE TO CONFORM TO THE SAME FUCKIN SCHEDULE #AND NEED TO TAKE VALUABLE FREE TIME IN ORDER TO DO BASIC SHIT LIKE GO TO THE DOCTOR OR THE DMV OR WHATEVER #sorry im in a commie sorta mood tonite U_U

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mistninja · 7 months

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Can Paragon shut the fuck up actually

#i DONT want to read about fucking kennit omg #tw rape #i know its a complicated topic and i do think kennit is a very well written character #but can we stop talking about the whys and the reasoning for him raping althea???? oh im sorry he was a victim too #okay AND #can we throw that stupid charm away and can paragon stop talking about kennit #i do not need to hear more about his abuse i know already i get it #ugh #like im not even saying its handled badly i just dont want to deal with that the book is already packed with hard stuff #why are we dealing with the kennit mess now #also. i know fitz would have killed kennit with his bare hands i can tell u that much #maria reads fitz and the fool

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1980ssunflower · 1 year

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oh god

#vent #i feel like im going to throw up my mom is just telling me to learn how to work w ai art programs since by the time im her age #ai art is going to completely take over all art jobs #and i need to learn that since thats all art is gonna be apparently #if the world really gets to that point id fucking kill myself why would i want to live in a world like that HOW COULD I LIVE IN A WORLD #LIKE THAT I FCANT BREATHE ITS TOO MUCH I CANT TAKE IT #I DONT WANT THIS I DONT WANT THIS I NEED THIS AI SHIT TO STOP I DONT KNOW HOW ILL LIVE IF ALL MY ART ENDS UP MEANING NOTHING #IF ALL THE YEARS IVE PUT INTO ALL MY HOBBIES MEANS FUCKING NOTHING BECAUSE AI TAKES OVER IT ALL #i cant live in a world like that i genuinely cant i wouldnt want to live if i couldnt... really be an artist anymore if ai really just #takes my job as an artist ive been working towards #drawing is the only thing i have...#and i cant be a musician cause i fucking hate the music industry right now #its already so hard for me trying to live in this present day but if things got even further in this bullshit i dont know how id live #sorry for talking so much i just feel scared and panicked #why would my mom say this shit to me i recently told her how scared i was at the idea of ai taking away my dream as an artist

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toastsnaffler · 8 months

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tried going to bed early bc ive just been sitting staring at the wall or my phone all afternoon but it's been 3 hours now and I can't stop crying. :(

#I dont even know why im so fucking sad. this last week has felt like getting hit by a train repeatedly for no reason whatsoever #and it fucking hurts so bad and i cant fix it because i dont know whats wrong!!!!!!#i think thsts why its been so hard sleeping lately like my brain is problem solving but theres nothing there to be solved #and i dont even have anyone to talk to about it and even if i did i wouldnt have anything to say bc i dont know im just fucking. sad #like yeah ive gotten upset abt other things but thats me projecting my mental state onto everything. theres no original cause #unless it really is just pms and some hormonal shit which is likely but kinda insane to think abt. like yeah my body has decided #to flood the entire fucking system with Kill That Egg™ for a straight week except its too effective and makes me want to kill myself also #but apparently not fucking effective enough to start my actual fucking period. yippee #i want a thousand year long hug and to cry rly snottily into someones shirt and then to fall asleep and wake up feeling rested #man. nothing makes me feel any different. exercising and sleeping and socialising and eating and showering and reading #and i can feel my interest in things trickling away like i havent been able to do a lot of shit i rly want to bc of this barrier #and ive been trying to make myself do some things regardless bc inactivity will just make it worse. but nothing works!!!!!!!#i dont even know anymore man. i do everything right and im still as depressed as i was like 8 years ago #and i know thats just the depressed brain talking like i know i dont constantly feel like this but its hard to see outside of it man #u spend ur whole life drowning but its ok bc sometimes u get ur head above the surface long enough to take a breath or whatever #insert overused mentally ill metaphor here etcetcetc #ok i think ive run out of things to say im gonna try sleep again. day 1 billion of making longass vent posts sorry everyone #gn #.vent

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