#hate this scene's coloring .. but ed makes up for it.

[piraticaltwit]

d.i chandler + ed and the archive / 3.03 ↳ the women were never identified. without names or faces they never really existed to the public. there was no one to remember them.... i'm afraid they never found their heads.

[catherinnn]

"Slut!" (Bad Omens part II)

Summary: Rockstar!Eddie Munson x Rockstar!reader. Despite what happened with Rudy, you and Eddie break up again to protect the band. Eddie moves onto a new relationship, but history repeats itself, causing strain within the group. Frustrated with the pattern, your bandmates threaten the future of the band. To add insult to injury, you're labeled as the "slut", with all blame directed your way —or so it’s claimed. Warnings: cheating, slut-shaming, a little smutty, a little angsty, a little fluffy, jealousy, mentions of Steddie x reader, y/n is used like two times sorry, I use a taylor song as if it’s corroded coffin’s so imagine it like rock, fighting, drinking, language Words: 7.1k a/n: please know that eddie is cheating on his girlfriend here, and it’s a happy ending for reader and eds, so if you don’t like that don’t read it. Also, this is like my fifth fic where there’s cheating I don’t know how to defend myself here, I promise I completely hate this irl, it’s just hot to write :)

part I: Bad Omens

Megan.

Eddie’s new girl.

Or as the headlines say: Eddie Munson’s New Hot Model Girlfriend.

Yes, she’s a model! Not a Victoria’s Secret model, thank God, that would be just what you needed to kill yourself.

She’s not actually “new” anymore, it has been a year already. Even a whole album in the middle, “kiss”. The one where you had to kiss Eddie on the mouth for the cover of it, that’s what everybody seems to care about anyway.

That’s not actually the cover though, it’s just Eddie sat on a chair covered in lipstick stains all over his face, neck and shirt. Then you with Gareth and Jeff behind him, each of you with a different lipstick color: you with red, Jeff with maroon, and Gareth with purple. Eddie has kisses of all those three colors all over him, but the one on the lips was red.

Anyway, they started dating over a year now. It was literal hell for you, watching her wait for him after shows in the backstage and once you go back there after finishing, watching her jump on him to congratulate him, watching them kiss, watching them dance at parties, her sitting on his lap all the time, listening to his god-awful comments or jokes with double meaning about what they did last night. But it was nothing, you two were just bandmates, best friends, he was to you just like what Gareth or Jeff were to you, the brothers you never had, right?

Only you’ve never kissed Gareth, nor Jeff. But you did kiss Eddie before, you’ve had sex with him, for God’s sake!

But you two are just friends, all the flirting is just for show. Or that’s what Eddie keeps telling Megan.

You’ve never had a friendship where you got mad at them for making out with their own girlfriend in front of you, and them actually saying sorry. But that actually happened between you and Eddie, he even dropped to his knees asking for you to forgive him, not having to give it a double thought as for why you were so jealous over her. You both knew. You just couldn’t do anything about it. That would put the band in too much danger, and the band came first, always.

But thanks to that little jealousy scene Eddie had to call Steve, who had told you he lost his job recently and was trying to figure out what to do with his life next, he was in no rush though, his family was filthy rich, so he could take all the time he needed. You had the amazing idea to invite him over for the rest of the tour, sort of like a little groupie of yours. You’ve had your short history with Steve the tour before this one, and also a shorter history involving you, Steve and Eddie, but that was before he got his own girlfriend.

Steve stayed touring with you guys all over Europe, but as you got back to the United States, Steve decided it was time to go back to his own life. You were sad obviously, understanding him but missing him nonetheless, it wasn’t like you two were much of a serious couple, again he was there as a groupie of the band’s lead singer. But he helped a lot as a distraction to forget about Eddie and Megan. And he obviously became someone important for whom you cared a lot.

Nowadays, it has been a few months since Steve left you guys, you were touring North America now. Megan couldn’t always be with you, she had to go back to LA for time to time to keep modelling, but she always flew to wherever you guys were to keep seeing Eddie.

She wasn’t with you guys currently, you were in New York having sold out two consecutive weekends, six nights in total that you were playing just in NY. You still had two more nights to end weekend one, but you still had a whole other week here. Next stop was LA.

The show was incredible, crowd went crazy as usual, and you all had an amazing night. With all that energy still in you, you guys went to an after party, and drank a lot to celebrate.

“Oh, there you are” Eddie says after he went to get more shots to do with you.

“Here I am”

“Ready for more?” Eddie asks and you nod.

“Always”

“Come here pretty girl” he demands and you both know that with that nickname you’ll do anything he asks for. “Open up” he orders right after holding you closer by the waist—and god you love the feeling of his hands on you. You open your mouth and he pours the liquid that was on the tiny cup, you swallow quickly and cringe at the strong taste of alcohol. “Good girl”

“It’s your turn now” you remind him.

“You wanna do it to me now?” he offers and you nod. He kneels in front of you, since he’s so much taller than you, so you can pour the cup into his mouth easily. You grin at the sight before you, Eddie on his knees, hands on your thighs now and his mouth wide open waiting for you, eyes locked on yours. You start pouring the liquid and he swallows it as if it was water.

“Good boy” you tease him back and he smirks.

He gets up not so smoothly this time, since he kind of stumbles almost falling onto you. He’s way closer now, eyes not leaving yours as if he’s mesmerized. “Hi”

“Hi” you giggle.

“You look really beautiful tonight” he whispers as if he was just thinking out loud.

“Yeah, I do?” you tease but he nods anyway.

“Yeah, and you were amazing tonight, so good, you’re always so good on stage” he keeps whispering.

“Thank you Eddie, you were amazing too,” you tell him, “and just between you and I… you always look so hot performing, playing guitar so I can sing with you…”

“Wanna kiss you” he practically whimpers getting so close to your lips they’re almost touching.

“Do it” you whisper on his mouth. You weren’t thinking, neither of you two was.

So he kisses you, his hand goes up to your hair and pulls you the centimetre closer that was left for your lips to touch. The kiss is passionate, hard, just what you two needed from each other. His hot tongue on your mouth make you sigh and instantly your tongue starts dancing with his. Your hands go to his hair to pull on it and he groans into your mouth. His hands go to your hips and he pulls you closer, you can feel the bulge in his pants against your tummy, and it turns you on even more.

“I need you baby” he says separating for a second just to keep kissing you.

“Need you too Eds” you whimper.

“Fuck-“ he takes a big breath an turns back to you. “Let’s go back to the hotel, please?”

You nod without even thinking twice about it.

“There’s still a few paps outside” he warns you, “ you go out first, I’ll be right behind you, we don’t want them to see this, right?” he signals his crotch and a chuckle escapes from your lips. You give him a good last kiss —well, for now at least— and you go outside, walk right into the car waiting for you, ignoring all the cameras and flashes that were also waiting for any of you to walk out of the bar. Eddie gets in after you and he wastes no time to attack your neck right after he closes the door.

“Back to the hotel” you tell the driver between giggles and he starts the car acting as if you two aren’t almost dry humping in the backseat.

The drive to the hotel passes by with moans and sighs between both of you, lots of making out and resisting the need to rip each other’s clothes off right then and there.

When the driver stops the car, Eddie grabs the first bill he finds in his wallet making sure it’s a good tip as a thank you for his professionalism. Thank God all the people that worked for you had to sing an NDA to get the job, otherwise your publicist would be ripping his hair out tomorrow.

There weren’t any paparazzi at the hotel thankfully, so you can get in and walk to the elevator in peace.

You press the bottom to your floor and the doors close as you feel Eddie pressing himself on your ass, you laugh and go back to kissing him.

When the doors open again you stumble until you get to the first room you see. Eddie’s room finally.

He closes the door by pushing you against it. His lips ghost over yours but he’s not yet closing the distance, grabbing you by the neck so you can’t kiss him. He gets his tongue out a little and you can feel the warmth over your mouth, but not the actual skin.

“Eddie” you whimper and he laughs at you.

“You’re so hot baby” he starts, “gonna let me fuck you, huh?”

He teases you but you nod nonetheless.

“You don’t know how much I missed kissing this pretty mouth of yours,” he stops for a second to give you a wet kiss, “had to hold myself back to not touch you all the time, not to feel you up in every little outfit you wear every night… but I missed this so much baby”

“Missed this too Eddie, please do something” you whimper again feeling so impatient for him. It’s pathetic how just a little fore play at the bar and in the car made you so dumb for him already. But then again, you haven’t had him in more than a year.

The night went on with lots more of teasing and need for each other. You filled the room with both of your moans and whispers claiming how much you missed each other and how glad you are to feel each other again. Not much thinking straight, just acting, doing what you waited so much to be able to do again.

And it was so good, you two always work so good together. The night ended late, after long rounds finally realising the need for each other where you were no longer drunk on the alcohol, but drunk on each other’s bodies and the love you have for one another. “I missed you”, “I love you” and “I need you” were the phrases you both kept repeating all night long. Not thinking of the consequences or what you’d do tomorrow, you just let go.

After what could be described as the perfect night because after sex you both went to sleep holding each other to then dream of each other, your morning started as the complete opposite. You were woken up by several knocks on the door.

“Eddie? Are you there, man?” you can hear the voice of Gareth making him guilty for the knocks that woke you up. You can also hear Eddie groan behind you, feeling his hold on your waist tighten to show he didn’t want to wake up yet, he wanted to stay like this with you for a few more hours—and so did you.

But apparently you weren’t the only one who heard Eddie because Gareth talks again, “Dude, is Y/n there with you? She’s not in her in her room”

“Yes!” Eddie shouts wishing that was all he needed to know so he could just fuck off and let you two sleep a little more.

“Okay good, we have to get down now, Rafe’s waiting for us to have breakfast and talk a little more about the new album or something” he informs you.

You both groan and complain a little, but then again, you’re used to this; being on tour does not equal having enough sleep.

“We’ll be there in a sec!” you inform Gareth so he can get going.

“Let’s keep sleeping” Eddie offers without even opening his eyes yet.

“No Eds, then they would just come to get us again, but this time angrier” you tell him.

“Fuck, fine” he sits up now, opens his eyes slowly to find you putting one of his shirts on. “Morning” he smirks and he feels his cock twitch at the sight of you with only his shirt on and nothing else, eyeing the glimpse of your ass cheeks showing under his shirt, also remembering what you have —finally— done last night.

You find your underwear but decide against putting them on again, they’re not in the best state after last night.

“Morning Munson” you say laughing at his state; his hair a complete mess, can barely open his eyes and his boxers do barely any work to hide his semi. “Come on, get dressed. I’ll go back to my room so I can find some new clothes”

“M’kay, but keep my shirt on, at least for breakfast” he requests.

“Fine, meet me in the hallway so we can go down”

“Yes baby”

You grab the rest of your clothes and check that nobody is the hall before getting out and quickly getting into your room.

While you get another pair of underwear and some jeans to put on, you start thinking about how calmed Eddie was this morning, you were slightly scared that he would wake up finding you naked and remember last night only to start freaking out regretting everything. But this only meant he meant everything he did and said last night, and you were glad.

You’ll figure out what happens with you two later today, but you needed to maintain calmed.

You met Eddie in the hall after getting dressed and you go to the elevator so you can get down to the dining room with the rest.

Little did you know that when you got there and walked to the table with rest of the band and your manager, a big fight would erupt.

Because just as you two sat down in front of the boys, Jeff started losing it.

“Uhh, hi?” his tone was angry.

“Morning” Eddie responds as if nothing.

“What did you two do last night?” he asked in between his teeth.

And with that, Eddie catches on too, you two look up at him with a guilty look on your face, neither answers his question and that all he needed to know.

“I cannot believe you two, you did this again?! Eddie, you have a girlfriend!” Jeff lets his anger out. “How the fuck can you be so calmed, coming down here covered in hickeys and you wearing his shirt?!”

“Jeff-“ Eddie started but he interrupts him.

“No, don’t Jeff me! What were you thinking?! What happens now, huh?! What the fuck is the plan?!”

“There is no plan” you say quietly knowing his response will be more screaming.

“Of course there’s no plan! You just act without even caring what happens next! What happens to the band now? Will you two just keep risking everything without a care in the world?! Need I remind you how your relationship with Rudy ended? That’s right, because you cheated on him with Eddie! And now you do the same with your girlfriend?! What the fuck is wrong with you two?!” He switches among talking directly to you, Eddie and both of you at the same time. You two catch up on it though, you both know what you did and the questions Jeff was asking were the same you two were trying to quiet down inside your heads.

Eddie is looking at him with an angry expression, as if he was ordering him to shut the fuck up. You, on the other hand weren’t looking at anyone, eyes locked somewhere down on the table, guilty expression on your face.

“I’m sorry Rafe, but if they don’t care about the band then neither do I” he finishes getting up and walking out.

The table now is even more uncomfortable, complete silence, no one knowing what to say next. Rafe sighs looking down, thinking hard but not saying anything. Gareth is looking at everybody quietly, he didn’t know what to do or if it was his place to say anything, so he decided to stay silent. Eddie was looking at you worried, you were still looking down somewhere at the table holding the tears.

Finally, after a few seconds, you decide to get up to leave too because you realize you won’t be able to hold back the tears much longer. “Not hungry anymore” your voice comes out week and shaky, letting the boys know how you feel, you slowly walk out of there too, going back to your room.

“Eddie,” Rafe is the next one to break the silence, “before I decide anything here, you and her should talk.” Eddie nods. “I knew this would happen eventually… you two clearly love each other and I need you to know that that’s not wrong, the band can still work but we need to be smart about how to handle this. I was just wishing you two wouldn’t do anything while being in a relationship with someone else… again”

“I know, I’m sorry” Eddie says and he decides to give you some more time before going up to talk. The three man have breakfast in silence, at least more calmed now after Rafe’s words.

What if all I need is you? –

Adorned with smoke on my clothes

Lovelorn and nobody knows

Love thorns all over this rose –

If I'm gonna be drunk

Might as well be drunk in love –

We'll pay the price, I guess

You stare at the words you just wrote on the little notebook. Instead of crying and overthinking everything, you stopped and decided to write the intense feelings inside of you, not caring if they made sense yet, not caring if they will ever end up in an actual song since how the band’s looking right now. Writing always helped you, it was like organizing your thoughts, organizing your head and your heart.

You get out of your head when you hear a soft knock on the door. “Baby, it’s me” you calm down when you recognize Eddie’s voice and you get up to open the door.

“I brought some food for you, you should eat something” Eddie softly tells you and you think you can feel your heart jumping, holding the need to hug him.

“Thank you baby” you think it’s either funny or dangerous how you two keep calling each other these kind of nicknames when everything is going to shit and it’s all your fault. It feels as if you’re having a warm cup of tea reading a nice book completely ignoring the hurricane that’s coming right behind you to destroy everything.

Eddie gets in and sits on the bed with you while you sip on your coffee realizing he prepared it just like you like it: more milk than coffee and four spoons of sugar. Sweet just like you is what Eddie thinks.

He finds the notebook and opens the page that was marked. He knew this was the notebook you wrote song lyrics on, so he knew he could open it without the fear of looking at something more private.

He read the lyrics and immediately a beat came to his head, he started humming it for you. It was slow and sweet and it fit the song perfectly. You were amazed at how he could just read your mind when you wrote songs. You just got each other when it comes to music.

“Sweetheart, don’t want you to be scared or nervous but we should talk” he almost whispers at how softly he’s talking to you. You nod understanding. ”Don’t want you to think of Jeff or the band for just a second, we should figure us up first”

“Eddie, what I feel for you is love. I’m completely in love with you, for years now. We both know this and it hurts so much to see you with her-“

“I don’t love her, you know that right?” he makes sure you know and you nod again. He knows the feeling though, it was how he felt with Rudy and then with Steve. It wasn’t simply jealousy, it wasn’t something dumb and possessive. It was the love you have to pretend you don’t feel for each other burning inside like a fucking mansion flaming to the bone. But you had to act as if it was nothing, as if you are just bandmates, best of friends.

Before you can start saying anything, you feel the tears building up again. He notices so he does the talking.

“Rafe said he knew this would happen eventually, we’ve always been in love sweetheart, it was bound to happen. He said the band can still work and I believe that too” he starts. “Baby, we didn’t want to be together in fear of risking the band’s future. It’s been years of being in love but not doing anything about it, and the love never went away. We’ve had big fights, we fucking dated other people but we still can’t get over each other. I think the band’s is in more danger if we keep this up, if we keep trying to just be friends than if we finally let go and let ourselves be in love”

Tears were already free running down your face. You nod at Eddie’s words. “I know; I think the same”

 A few seconds pass where you keep looking at each other with soft smiles tugging at your faces, you both agree on what you needed to do, but could you finally do it?

“So we can be together? Finally?” his voice brakes on the last word and it make you cry harder. You get closer to him, sitting on him so you could give him a big hug, one that shows all the love and need you have for one another. Hugging him around his neck and legs around his waist, face hidden on his neck and he does the same, with his hands around your waist and face on your neck. Impossibly closer.

After some minutes like that, he talks again.

“I have to break up with Megan”

“Yeah”

“I still won’t see her for another week, when we finish New York and flight to LA”

“I think you should maybe call her, so she’s not surprised with the news. I think it would be even worse if you don’t say anything and the second you see her again stun her with the news that you’re breaking up” you explain.

“Ok, yeah I will”

“Eds, I also think it would be smarter of us if… we don’t make it public until we’re both completely sure we’re ready. Think we should be together and be in peace to see how we actually work… I- I’m not saying to keep it a secret because of anything bad, but-“

“I know what you mean, I agree. We should take our time together alone, without the opinions or thoughts of others until we’re ready”

“Exactly”

After finish breakfast, Rafe comes to get you again. Rehearsal starts in twenty minutes.

You change your clothes and put a little make up on, also making sure to cover the hickeys.

When you get down you see the car waiting to take you to rehearsals, but Rafe makes you wait for everyone in the lobby, not getting in the car yet.

Eddie, Gareth and you are waiting for Jeff to come down and for a few seconds you fear he won’t. But the elevator’s doors open and he appears.

“Alright, before we get in the car, you’ll listen to me. We’ll all talk later, the safety of the band comes first and we have to talk about that while we’re all in the right headspace, not while being angry or anything. So as for now, you’ll do the rehearsal for the show you have to give tonight and you’ll forget anything than happened last night or this morning. Only focusing on tonight, you’ve been doing this for years now and you know how to be professionals” he explains. “Now get in the car and don’t worry about anything that is not the show for now, please”

You all nod in agreement and then get in the car.

Once you get there, you start rehearsing the songs and the dialogs, the times between each song, and set list that you already knew by heart since you’ve been doing this show for months now.

When you finish you go backstage and order food for lunch.

Eddie and you come to the realisation that it’s time to talk to Gareth and Jeff now.

All four of you are already together, each in their own head, not exchanging a word. Eddie looks at you and nods, it’s time.

“Guys, can we talk?” you tell them ignoring the knot in your stomach from how nervous you are. Eddie gets up and stands next to you, Gareth and Jeff get closer, paying attention to you now. Jeff seems pissed yet, like he clearly didn’t want to talk to you two, but he had to be a professional to be in a band, not acting like child.

“Listen, Eddie and I talked this morning after- after everything, and we have decided something, hopefully you agree with us” you start and the knot becomes tighter realizing that is possible they won’t agree… what happens then?

Eddie and you tell the guys what you said this morning. After all the years trying to forget and move on from each other, and the love never went away. The fights and new people you’ve both gone through and it never broke you two apart. If you still loved each other after all of that, there wasn’t something that an actual relationship could do to make you separate. Everything you’ve been doing trying to get over the love and trying to be just friends was risking the band more than any relationship could. All the toxicity of actually seeing each other with someone else and not being able to do or say anything was worse than any fight you could have as actual lovers.

You explained everything to them and now it was their turn to say what they think.

“I’ve had to see you two wanting to kill each other and the people you’re with because of the jealousy. You’ve written songs about that, maybe the 90% of our whole discography is about this, about wanting to be together but not being able to. I think the love you have for each other is stronger than each of you and you should stop being afraid of what could happen to the band if you break up, and actually being fucking happy with each other. I’m sick and tired of the Megans and the Rudys or Steves, and the look on your faces when you have to act as if you’re just friends” Gareth explains. “Just fucking be together finally and pull yourselves and us out of that misery”

Eddie laughs at how Gareth puts it, and you smile.

You turn to look at Jeff and you think you’ve never been this nervous.

He sighs noticing all the eyes on him awaiting. “I’m really happy you can see you belong together. Don’t think that what I said this morning means I don’t love you two and you both being happy. I was just scared of what would happen to the band, because I fucking love making music with you three idiots. I agree with Gare, just fucking get together already and cut the shit”

You all laugh at Jeff’s words.

“So, does that mean the band is still good?” you ask him.

“With no end in sight” he confirms and you feel so relieved. You run to hug him and he hugs you back, the two boys behind you join the group hug and you confirm that the band’s never been better than what is to come.

After lunch you make sure to talk to Rafe too explaining everything. And he agrees on the idea to keep quiet on it for some time. But luckily he’s very supportive of you.

It’s Eddie time to call Megan now, and it’s safe to say he’s not really looking forward to it.

He dials her number and after a few tones, she picks up.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Meg"

"Eddie, hi! Wasn't expecting your call so soon"

"Yeah, I know, but I felt like I should. Sorry for not calling after the show last night"

"No worries. How'd it go?"

"It was awesome. The crowd here is unreal. I’m looking forward to play again tonight"

"That's great! Did you go out after or stayed in?"

"W-we did go out, yeah"

"Oh, cool"

"Listen, Megan, there's something I need to talk to you about" he begins, not being able to keep the small talk any longer.

"Okay, sure" she responds, her tone growing serious as she waits for him to continue.

"When we get back to LA next week, I think... I think we really need to have a… conversation" he says, cringing at his choice of his words.

"...Okay. Is everything okay, Eddie?" Is it… It’s not good, is it?” she asks in a serious tone. Eddie takes a few seconds to answer again.

“…No… it’s not. I don’t want you to overthink anything, but I thought it would just be cruel to… I don’t know, take you by surprise with it when I come back”

Though Eddie can't see her, Megan nods, nervously biting her lip. They both understand the unspoken implications behind "we need to talk," yet they can’t voice it already.

She's somewhat grateful he called to give her a heads-up, as painful as it is. Compared to the other guys she's dated, who might have dumped her over the phone or pretended everything was fine until they met in person, all in all, Eddie's approach feels more considerate.

"I'm serious, Meg. I don’t want you overthinking it” he insists

"Okay, I won't" she assures him. "See you, Eddie"

"Yeah... Bye, Meg" he says softly before they hang up.

He goes back to the guys with an expression you can’t really read.

“How did it go?” you ask.

“As good as it could, I guess. It was awkward and we didn’t really know what to say, I was trying not to say much so we can actually talk when I see her, but I didn’t want her overthinking why I’m breaking up with her… I don’t know, she didn’t say much either, there was a lot of silence”

“Yeah well, I’m guessing you’re not really someone she wants to talk to right now” Jeff says and Eddie nods.

“You ok?” you get closer to him; you didn’t like seeing him like this. A smile forms on his face, softening his features when he sees you worrying over him.

“I’m fine baby” he assures you but you hug him nonetheless, and he rests on the couch so you can cuddle.

The week flies by perfectly for both of you. New York is always a favorite, feels even more magical with Eddie by your side at all times. You seize every spare moment to soak up the city's vibes, wandering its streets hand in hand, delighting in each other's company.

If someone who didn’t know you two at all witnessed how you are privately, they would think you’re in a relationship of many many years. You’re always all over each other, touching in any way possible; you’re walking around the city and he has his arm around your waist, holding your hand or with his hand inside your pocket; you’re having dinner or driving somewhere and he has a hand on your thigh; you’re hanging out with the boys and you’re cuddling; you’re waiting for the elevator and you’re hugging him by his waist. Not to mention that you’ve booked two separate rooms but you’re only using one, since you’re sleeping together every night; and well, let’s just say that you’ve spend the week making up the lost time in the bedroom as well. Or as Gareth so kindly puts it: getting at it like rabbits.

But after you finish the three remaining shows on Ney York, it was time for LA, and you knew Eddie was a bit nervous about his overdue conversation with Megan, who technically was still his girlfriend.

The flight to Los Angeles passed by quickly since you slept the whole journey.

You had lunch and then rehearsal at the venue. In your way to the backstage one of the security guys tells Eddie that his girlfriend has arrived and is waiting for him.

“Okay, it’s time now… wish me luck” he says before heading to the room the security guy signalled.

He enters the room and sees Megan sat on one of the chairs.

“Hey” he greets her.

“Hi, how are you? How was the flight?”

“Fine, I just slept through it”

“Oh good, I heard a little of the rehearsal, you guys sound amazing”

“Thanks yeah, we changed the set list a bit so it’s not the exact same all the time” he explains giving in the small talk.

“Sounds good”

“How’s work?” he intends to ask her but she doesn’t answer his question.

“Eddie, can we just talk please?”

“Yeah, sorry. I um- I needed to talk to you because I have… fucked up a little” he finally says.

“What happened?” she asks but Eddie takes a few seconds to respond. Opens and shuts his mouth a couple of times until he says it. She has probably been wondering what actually happened ever since he called her.

“I cheated on you”

She nods her head, not looking at him now, eyes locked somewhere on the floor.

“With?” she asks and Eddie once again waits a few seconds until he tells her your name. She nods again, a sinister smile forming on her face.

“Is it funny?” he asks her now, frown forming on his face to show his confusion.

“No, just should’ve seen it coming” she says.

“I’m sorry”

“I bet you are. When did it happen?”

“Night before I called you” he can’t even look at her.

“So this whole week you spend it fucking her, didn’t you?”

“Meg…”

“No, what happened to ‘it´s all just for show’? All that flirting was actually real?” she’s accusing him but with a calmed voice that’s only freaking him out more.

“I’m sorry, okay? I don’t- I don’t even know what else to say. I shouldn’t have lied to you, I shouldn’t have even put you in the middle of all this. I’m really sorry” he says sincerely.

“Yeah, you shouldn’t have, but you did. Just like you shouldn’t have fucked her while you we were still together!” she waits for him to say something but he stays quiet. “Well, say something!”

“What? What else do you want me to say? Want me to tell you how it happened?!” he asks sarcastically but she actually says yes.

“Alright, yeah. Fucking tell me”

“No, I’m not gonna-“

“Say it!” she orders and he knows she not going to let it go, so he sighs and starts talking.

“After the second night we all went out to the after party. Started drinking with her, a lot. Started… flirting with her, a lot. Then I kissed her. And then we both went back to the hotel and slept together”

“Okay so, you slept with her because you were drunk, but then you called me basically telling me we were braking up. So you didn’t regret it” she accuses him.

“What? If I had regretted it would you have forgiven me?” he asks her angrily.

“No, I wouldn’t have. But clearly it didn’t take a lot of convincing from her part to dump me and run to her!”

“Don’t- just be angry at me, not at her” he tells her and she can’t believe those words actually came out of his mouth.

“You’ve been in love with her all throughout our relationship, haven’t you?!” she realizes. And Eddie is left with no other choice than just nod his head in affirmation, she’s right and she caught him. She laughs.

“Okay… I’m gonna leave now, can’t really keep looking at you” she decides. She takes her jacket and before opening the door she speaks again. “Thanks for the complete waste of time that this relationship was”

Eddie thinks he could say the same to her, but obviously doesn’t say. He knows it’s all his fault.

While Eddie and Megan talked, the three of you waited in another room. More people of the staff started to arrive already, it was still a few hours until show time, but they needed to get everything set up.

At one point, one of the woman of the dressing department came up to you saying it was time to pick tonight’s outfit. You all followed her into the hall and she showed you different options.

Gareth and Jeff chose their clothes first, she left Eddie for later since he wasn’t here yet. She started showing you some dresses, some tops with pants or skirts. And as you evaluated the different options, you heard someone opening a door and storming out. When you lift your gaze to see who it was you’re met with an angry Megan and Eddie walking out behind her. She meets your gaze and she smiles, but it was not a ‘nice to see you’ smile at all.

“Look who it is! Are you picking the outfit for tonight, let’s see what would Eddie like the most?” she says sarcastically.

“Megan, leave her alone!” Eddie warns her, but she doesn’t stop there.

“Did you have fun fucking my boyfriend behind my back? I bet you really did, didn’t you?” she accuses you. “You’re such a fucking slut just begging for his attention”

You wanted to say something but words didn’t come out. You just froze looking at her offended.

“Alright, that’s enough. Everybody saw you little show, now leave!” Eddie gets in the middle of you two. But that doesn’t stop her either.

“You know she only did this so you’d look at her instead of me, right? But as soon as I leave she’s gonna dump you again, ‘cause that’s all she wants; your attention on her, but she doesn’t want you. She’s just a bratty slut only wanting the toy when someone else has it” she keeps accusing you, you’re frozen on the spot, not being able to walk out or say anything back at her.

“James!” Eddie calls the security guy while keeping Megan off of you. “JAMES!”

As soon as James gets there he asks Megan to leave the stadium. And don’t get me wrong, she is petty, but no so petty to have to be carried away by security, so she just laughs one more time at the situation and walks away to where James guides her. Not without insulting you once more screaming “bye slut” and then walking away.

—

“Flamingo pink, Sunrise Boulevard. Clink, clink. Being this young is art” you sing into the microphone, the crowd erupting into screams as they recognize the song. It's the opening night of the new tour, result of the hard work that you’ve put into the latest album. Touring remains your favorite part of this job. Yours and the whole band’s as well.

 “Got lovestruck, went straight to my head, got lovesick, all over my bed, love to think you'll never forget handprints in wet cement. Adorned with smoke on my clothes, lovelorn and nobody knows, love thorns all over this rose. I'll pay the price, you won't” the pre-chorus begins, Eddie’s guitar guiding you on the times of the song, feeling the rhythm and energy coursing through the venue.

“But if I’m all dressed up they might as well be looking at us, and if they call me a slut, you know it might be worth it for once, and if I'm gonna be drunk I might as well be drunk in love” you playfully add a little embodying the lyrics' sentiment.

“Everyone wants him, that was my crime, the wrong place at the right time, and I break down, then he's pulling me in. In a world of boys, he's a gentleman” The chorus rolls in, and you can't help but revel in the lyrics, especially the line you know Eddie adores. You sing with a smile, amused by Eddie's attempt to hide his giddiness.

“This is luxury. You're not saying you're in love with me. But you're going to. Half awake, taking your chance it's a big mistake, I said ‘It might blow up in your pretty face’ I'm not saying ‘do it anyway’ but you're going to” Transitioning into the bridge, the words flow effortlessly. Singing this song feels like flirting with Eddie live in front of the big crowd. But then again, that’s just another Tuesday at work for you, and you’re far from complaining.

Eddie remains as your loyal supporter, amazed by the way you’ve turned a horrible experience with his ex into a beautiful piece of art. He will forever be your number one fan.

[respectthepetty]

Is Dan's shadow a succubus? Or more appropriately an incubus?

Homie, how would I know?! I'm watching the same show as you. If I knew what that shadow was, I wouldn't need to suffer through the last seven episodes. I was too busy being scared for my life the first seven episodes to truly think about what that shadow was, and now I have to sit through seven more just like alls the rest of ya to figure this puzzle out!

But why are we gendering the shadow? Is the shadow male? To me, the shadow is just energy, possibly a physical manifestation of Dan's trauma; therefore, is it an extension of him. Like Peter Pan's shadow!

@kenjiyabuki went full big-brain and noticed the painting in the background of Brother Anurak's office is Henry Fuseli's The Nightmare.

Ain't no detective like a Tumblr detective.

And because of this, I immediately went to my favorite art historian (I go to departments often asking BL-related questions which is one perk of working in higher ed), and she immediately said, "It's about sex."

More specifically, repression of desire.

Not everyone subscribes to this interpretation, but . . .

There is a mirror and a vial of water in the left bottom corner on the table in the painting. Mirrors mean truth and serve as a bridge between the two worlds (truth/lie, life/death, conscious/subconscious), while water (describe as a mirror-like substance) also serves as a bridge between two worlds. We don't see the mirror fully, so we don't see the truth of the situation, but two worlds are colliding within the painting.

We've seen a good amount of mirrors in the show.

And water.

The show doesn't have a crazy-looking horse in the background unless we are considering the makruk pieces, which are called "horses" and not "knights" like in chess, the horse in this scenario.

That's a stretch even for me, but we still have the bare basics - a person with the weight of desire resting on him.

A desire to be comforted when nobody holds him.

A desire to be protected when he feels abandoned.

A desire to feel normal.

And Trin had the same desires.

There is definitely some funky business happening at the school because Trin and Dan are linked through their desires and experiences, but the shadow was there long before Dan stepped onto the campus.

Detour - In the third episode, the monk told Dan in order to change his karma, he needed to forgive when the time came after Dan saw his dad briefly playing makruk in his dream. At the end of that episode, Dan saw his father's ghost while he was acting the ghost scene from Hamlet, which is a play about revenge and forgiveness.

The shadow led Dan through a tour of his family's happiest moments in episode four right before he encountered his father again.

And his father asked for his forgiveness.

To which Dan said "hell to the no"

And this is why I think the shadow IS Dan. The monk told him to forgive to change his karma. The shadow led Dan to do just that, but Dan didn't; therefore, he didn't beat his karma and ghost-dad told Dan he was becoming everything he hated. Was this conversation all in Dan's head? Was he, through the shadow, guiding himself to be better than his father? And did he override his subconscious to seek revenge instead because that's what he truly desires?

More interestingly is what shows up every time someone chooses revenge over forgiveness - Trin! Rather than the shadow lurking in the water after Dan's dad died, Trin was waiting for him.

Trin was waiting for him in the bathroom to lead Dan into the funhouse when Nai decided to teach Anan a lesson.

And Trin showed up right before Anan attacked Dan.

Each time, the mirrors and water are present, so wouldn't that make Trin The Nightmare?

Of course, I, a color demon must mention how I find the use of red fascinating mostly when thinking about it in correlation to the painting since red is behind the nightmare figure.

And it spreads underneath the sleeping person in white as if that innocent person is being surrounded by this desire.

All of this is to basically sum up that Trin has a face. The shadow doesn't. Trin is a person. The shadow isn't. Just like those headless figurines the locals use as stand-ins for them to appease the wild ghosts and protect them from harm, Dan's faceless shadow could be his way of protecting himself and hiding his desires from outside forces.

And Trin could be a way to expose all that's hidden, including those desires.

[uninformedartist]

So a review on Helluva boss So2 ep 6

Ok so gonna break this review down into positives and negatives with my additional thoughts.

Positives:

So always start off with this, big props and love to the animation team we know know and see your struggle working under Vivienne and animating her over-complicated designs. Props to the BG team really stunning backgrounds, was actually a bit over the top for me (Ozzie's palace and especially the dildo factory shit was moving way too fast) but did pause to have a look at the BGs it is really pretty, the shit pacing made everything a visual blur tho.

VA work stunning love always a joy to hear Alex and James in any VA work tho Fizz's song was eyyy not the best but don't blame Alex it was a shittly written song in general especially when it went to the heavy metal part, overstimulating af and again shit pacing during the song and the flashing visuals gave me a headache. Striker's new VA, Ed's voice really grew on me he should've been Striker in the 1st place because I know for a fact Norman couldn't reprise his role for future episodes.

I loved Ozzie and Fizz's relationship especially the end scene where you can see Ozzie development or got hold of the best technology to give Fizz functional limbs, was a tender scene their relationship and interactions made me smile. I'll give Viv 1 ty for not fucking up their relationship, ty Viv (I can be nice to her :). Tho 1 scene that bothered me... the 12 sec Ozzie dong scene 💀 my soul it was just so jarring especially with the fast pacing. Felt like a race car coming to an immediate stop then speeding off again. Would've like the scene replaced with Fizz telling Bliz something nice about Ozzie, why Fizz likes him. I'm tired of queer couples/pairings in this show describing their partner in 2 ways, 1. how good they are in bed or 2. they got x anatomy that's amazing. But its Viv writing this ep, sigh her and her damn middle school sex jokes I'll let it slide.

Now negatives:

I said it before I'll say it for all eternity, the pacing was dogshit bad oh my soul wtf... Viv, Adam whoever I know you guys don't listen to criticism but if any criticism you take fix your damn pacing 😑. I had to pause multiple times just to see what has happening, what was said, what this paper/sign etc said. It was bad, and that paired with the overdetailed BGs and character designs, for the 1st time ever I got overstimulted from a HB ep and had to take a 5 min break to rest my eyes (was by Fizz's song). Its a noisey spinning kaleidoscope this ep, so unpleasant and its all pacing. Stay on certain scenes a bit longer and allow the audience to take in the scene before them (that flackback scene) its makes a difference. If you get overwhelmed/overstimlated ect by such visuals I recommend watching the leaked episode its much better in terms of pacing since its mostly storyboards and there is no color, plus its just the VAs talking with no background music and zero to minimal sound effects.

I didn't care for Crimson in this episode, I know he became Viv's favorite 😒 but seeing this fucker back so soon, it wasn't enjoyable, especially since the only reason he's in this ep is for a "big score" 😑. Also I'm tired of this over convenient plots, Fizz so happened to be in the greed ring and so happened to run into Blitz and Striker so happened to be in greed meeting with Crim who need a man for a "big score" AND SO HAPPENED Striker sees Fizz/Blitz fighting outside the window 🙃. Its all too convenient for me it takes me out and I then think how the plot coming together is ridiculous.

Striker is so under utilized. Since Viv hates him (confirmed by sources I can't pull now apologies) and she wrote this episode, everything established of Striker in So1 is destroyed. He's a husk of his intended character, all talk no show, a misogynistic clown who you can see Viv has no care writing him properly because she doesn't like him which is fucking horrible, this woman will butcher an integral villian, one with a good motivation (he hates blue-bloods) all because "oh I don't like him he's not in my fav OC list", petty af.

Fizz's disability and how its handled, spoke about it in this post:

It still remains the same though now we see it wasn't Wally holding the cake just some other imp and the card Bliz made for Fizz was a love confession still doesn't justify his reaction shoving the imp and his still underlying jealousy of Fizz since they were young. Yes it was backing off from a love confession/ashamed he's not as good a performer as Fizz, Blitz was jealous of Fizz. Made another post saying how I like how Fizz sees his disability, he's content, happy, has Ozzie who understands him and even made/went out his way to get Fizz the best prosthetics to better his quality of life, I like that good on Fizzy :).

5. Going to be a separate long post on (ಠ_ಠ) Blitz, THE FUCKING BIRD IS BACK 💀💀💀 why your rotisserie chicken ass not in hospital or we just skipping past that and how Viv keeps I'm gonna say it, forcing her characters to have daddy issues by writing this fucking irritating basic fanfic trope of killing the mother offscreen/not having the mother in the picture/us seeing her face. A commenter pointed this out and it irritates me because its the 3rd time she does this, she show Tilla (Blitz's mom) in pictures, you think there would be an episode revolving around Blitz's childhood etc but no she's "in" a fast paced pitty party flashback. This woman really can't show an ounce of respect to any female characters.

This is all for now, will be making more posts the more this ep settles in.

Score: 4.7/10

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

This is sort of a follow up to my previous post. I felt like it probably deserved it’s own post though. I am very disappointed with the way Izzy has been received in this fandom. I came in to this fandom, perhaps naively, not expecting a lot of bigotry. I thought all of it would be sort of fringe and that people would shut it down quickly just because the source material condemns it. But there’s a lot and for some reason it all seems to center around the nexus of Izzy Hands, which is frustrating because Izzy is a very useful character, and, while I am personally super uninterested in the neurotic repressed type, I can see how he’s very interesting for a lot of people. Put him in a jar and shake him to your heart’s content. He was designed in a lab to be a skrungly.

But for some reason I see a lot of people’s internal biases coming out around this character. It can be little things that are the result of internal biases that need to be unpacked, like taking Izzy’s word for granted on him working very hard to keep the crew in line and such despite it being contradicted by the show, but I also see more overt stuff, like, people acting like Izzy was an innocent victim of Ed’s big bad brown violence, or what I talked about in my last post with people acting like fans of color are stupid for interpreting certain scenes in certain ways. Like I get that he’s a poor little meow meow ripe for woobification but nearly all of that woobification comes at the expense of painting Ed into a monster. It makes it hard for me to like him and it makes me suspicious of everyone who does. I think that’s awful, because again, he was designed in a lab to be a neurotic little villain fans could study like a bug. I wish he was received with more grace is all. I wish that every time I talked about something that Izzy objectively did I didn’t get people in my dms telling me to cool it on the Izzy hate. I wish that non white fans could engage with this character without having to navigate a minefield of racism. And most of all I wish that fans could figure out a way to do what fans do did without it coming at the expense of the vilification of one of the few brown queer love interests in romance.

[cursedpinterest]

PINTEREST DICTIONARY

Pinterest is a wild and weird place. Why not have a handy dictionary to guide you through the depths of that cursed website?

Alt- Means alternative people, usually emo. The boogeyman of the whisper girl. They are often shit-talked in whispers, from people criticizing their appearance to their fashion to their mannerisms and personality. Alt is a very vague term, that could encompass many different lifestyles and fashions, but for my own sanity, I’ll only describe it as is oft seen on Pinterest and described in whispers: Alt people wear Demonias and bunny hats (a widely criticized accessory from the whisper girls), have colored hair, like anime and Monster energy drinks, and often reside on TikTok. They have been called out on misusing AAVE. Apparently, they are obsessed with frogs, glorify mental illness, and say “Poggers”.

Brandy Melville- A fashion company that sells clothing for small and/or petite women. A little controversial since they apparently don’t feature many models of color. This company is a favorite of the whisper girls, which is no surprise since those girls love their thinspo.

Core- If you see a word with the suffix ‘core’, it is meant to signify a certain aesthetic. The widespread use of -cores has grown that even words that already portrayed a certain aesthetic (ie: emo, scene) now have ‘-core’ tacked to the end (ie: emocore, scenecore). Every word has the potential to be a ‘-core’, and often when an image has an indiscernible aesthetic, pinterest users will scramble to assign it a ‘-core’. On the aesthetics fandom wiki, there are 142 articles containing the core suffix. You can browse them here. Examples: cottagecore, goblincore, grandmacore, kidcore, weirdcore.

Coquette- Means flirtatious woman. Pretty much the same aesthetic as Waif and Dollette. Thin, dainty young white women in feminine clothes is a key component. Obviously a variation of thinspo. See Waif.

Diet Coke- Soda that is popular amongst the proana crowd because it has low calories. They also like lemon water, due to the low calories as well.

Dollette: Pale and delicate aesthetics, interchangeable with Coquette and Waif. Variations: dollcore

Ed Sheeran- Famous British redheaded singer. Many Pinterest users “hate” Ed Sheeran, and have entire boards and groups dedicated to making memes slandering him. I highly doubt all of the people making anti-Ed Sheeran memes actually hate him, it’s just a weird little trend to hate on him. These memes have died down in the past 2 years, and are often associated with Facebook memes and alts.

Facebook Memes- A type of meme format that was popular around 2017-2020 on Pinterest that involves editing those Facebook statuses posted over a random background to be relatable. Whisper girls claim that they glorify and meme mental illness a lot, but I see just as many whispers romanticizing mental illness so ehh 🤷‍♂️.

Femcel- A variation on incel, which stands for “involuntary celibate”. Incels are super misogynistic men who are unsuccessful in romantic pursuits, so they take it out on every women ever. They often feel entitled to a women’s time or attention, like a leveled up version of a Nice Guy. Think Andrew Tate fanboys. Femcels are basically women that hate men, make jokes about being the Joker, and there’s a lot of overlap between them and the whisper girls. They’re like the edgier version of coquette.

Gatekeeping- Gatekeeping is the act of trying to prohibit people from accessing something. Gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss is the motto of the whisper girl. And unironically gatekeeping their interests seems to be a favorite pasttime. Things these girls try to gatekeep: Subliminals (which have millions of views on YouTube), Mitski (who also has millions of views and streams), and Lana Del Rey (whose music gets played on the radio).

Girlblogger- A girlblogger is a girl who blogs. Whisper girls call themselves this even though most of them don’t have blogs. Some people on tumblr use this moniker ironically, while the coquette/waif bloggers use it unironically.

Lana Del Rey- A very famous American singer who gained massive popularity in 2012 amongst the tumblr sad girls, but has seen a resurgence among the whisper girls. They literally worship her, and before whisper girls were a thing, this kind of community could be found on cherry emoji twitter.

Lily Rose Depp- The daughter of Johnny Depp. She’s a model… and that’s about it. But the whisper girls IDOLIZE her for some reason, probably because she’s pretty, definitely because she’s famous. She’s often used as the background of whispers. The ultimate nepo baby.

Moodboard- A moodboard is a collection of images meant to represent a single topic.

My Year of Rest and Relaxation- A novel by Otessa Moshfegh that femcels go gaga for. VERY popular among the white woman crowd. Often included in lists on how to be “That Girl™️”.

Nepotism Baby- Nepotism is described as the act of people in power giving jobs and fame to their friends and family simply because of their familiarity to them. A nepotism baby is a celebrity who’s famous simply because they’re parents were also famous. Coquette girlies love nepotism babies, especially if they’re models, and wish to be them. Notable nepotism babies: Lily Rose Depp, Emma Roberts, Dakota Johnson, Maya Hawke. Variations: Nepotism girls, nepo babies, nepo girls

Neopronouns- Neopronouns are what some people choose to identify with, instead of the traditional she/he/they/it. Examples: xe/xem, ze/zir, fae/faer

Red Scare: A podcast hosted by two random white girls who like to promote disordered eating and make fun of abuse. They’re very popular amongst the femcels

Subliminals: A genre of video on YouTube that claims you can change physically or mentally from watching a video that apparently has subliminal messages in the audio and images that are shown. For example: Weight loss subliminals, attract your crush sublimals, be a better student subliminals. They are VERY popular amongst the Pinterest whisper community, but they are very protected, and even the mere mention of them causes many whisper girls to comment: “Gatekeep!”. Note: This is a FAKE phenomena, akin to those weird tiktok reality shifting videos. You can’t magically lose weight by watching a video and doing nothing else. Variations: sub, subs

Taylor Swift- A heterosexual American singer that people on Pinterest think is gay for some reason. Because why would you want to support actual LGBTQ artists when you can project a sexuality onto your fave.

Thinspo- Images or tips that encourage eating disorders, usually anorexia and bulimia. A lot of people in the whisper community, and in the coquette/waif spaces post their thinspo under the title “waifspo”, since thinspo isn’t allowed on Pinterest. If you or anyone you know is suffering from an eating disorder, you can visit this website.

TikTok- A social media app where people can produce short videos of themselves or anything they want. The whisper girls HATE TikTok, which coincide with their hate for alts, since apparently a lot of alts are on TikTok? Whisper girls also hate popular TikTokers like Charli D’Amelio, and criticize her for being famous for doing nothing, which is funny since they idolize Lily Rose Depp and other nepo models.

Tone Indicators- Tone indicators are shorthand for words used to clearly state the intention of a persons message, usually added to the end of a sentence. They are mainly used for neurodivergent people, since it can difficult to try to discern people’s tone over written text on the internet. If you want to read more, here is a carrd that includes a masterlist of tone indicators. Examples: /s for sarcasm, /j for joke, /g or /gen for genuine.

Tradwife- Tradwives, or trad living/trad aesthetics are rooted in white supremacy. This is seen a lot on other social media sites, including Tumblr. They idealize traditional gender roles, strive to be the perfect housewife, and romanticize the 1950’s. Also, VERY Christian, but like, white Evangelical, although I have seen trad pagans, but that’s a whole other story. This group has infiltrated the cottagecore community on Tumblr, since some of the ideals, such as living off the land and living simply, farming and homesteading, is also shared by the trads. Those blonde chad wojack and blonde woman wojack wearing a blue daisy dress are often used as trad memes, stealthily sharing their conservative values as memes. Of course, they’re homophobic, racist, against modern society and ideals, against any religion that isn’t theirs, very anti-sex, and sometimes against interracial relationships. They’re conservatives. I’ve seen a lot of coquette girls posting about wanting to be a tradwife, but I bet like 70% of them don’t know the racist roots of this “movement”, although recently I have seen a lot of religious whispers. Trads often feel ostracized and that they’re rebelling against modern society since they hold traditional values and they don’t go clubbing or have casual hookups or like anything considered “progressive”, but they’re literally following what white Evangelical Christianity has deemed acceptable.

Waif- Literally means skinny. Kind of like a modern thinspo, as noted in the use of “Waifspo”. People who have waif aesthetic boards typically post delicate, feminine, more often than not white, and skinny imagery. Lots of pink and pastel colors. Very girly. Has spread to tumblr. Variations: waiftwt (waif Twitter), waifspo

Whisper- Whisper is an app where people can post private confessions over random images. It has gone through trends, from people posting earnest confessions (example: I cheated on my boyfriend and didn’t tell him), then making jokes and memes (example: “Can I juul inside?” Over a picture of Barbie), and then… think of 2012-era tumblr thinspo girls who worship Lana Del Rey and made it their entire personality. That’s what is popular on Whisper right now (example: “All my brain knows is Pinterest, calories, and Lana lyrics”). An emerging whisper trend I’ve seen lately is kpop whispers, but they aren’t as popular, and have seen pushback from whisper girls. Variations: whisper meme, whisper girl, whisper pinterest, whisper community

Whisper Girl- See above. Whisper girls are a community who post the newer type of whispers, usually tonally emulating coquette and waif aesthetics, sometimes bragging about themselves, idealizing thinness and youth and attractiveness, or just simply listing things they like. This community can be very judgmental and hostile, in my experience, but there are some nice ones that try to spread positivity. They idolize French culture, and dream about living in Paris or NYC one day. Recently, I’ve seen a trend in Russian aesthetics, which to these girls is white people dressed in furry clothes in the snow. Their icons are usually of a white celebrity or model, like Lana De Rey or Lily Rose Depp.

Feel free to suggest more terms you’ve come across!

[silenttale22]

MUST HAVE BEEN THE WIND /PJM/ - Chapter 2

Summary: Someone once told her she had to learn to live in pieces as there would be nobody to glue them up. But what if a person with similar pieces to her appears? What if by complete coincidence her crying is heard in the middle of the night? What if together they can create a whole new masterpiece?

Dancer!Jimin x Student!Reader Genre: Fluff, Angst, Slice of life. hurt/comfort, Soulmate!AU, School!AU Warnings: Mention of SA (but its only a slight mention, I promise), insecurity, mention of ED

MASTERLIST

CHAPTER 1/CHAPTER 2/CHAPTER 3

It was another late night evening, when he was watching colorful TV screen filled with boredom. Time to time, the other thing he had done was clicking stridently on buttons of the remote control, when he got irritated with a particular channel once again. After finding anything interesting - which was rare for a long moment, he threw the remote control on the couch and reached out for a glass of water with a lemon pressed inside. Alone with himself, staring straight ahead into the changing colors screen as darkness covered his face, when some darker kind of scene appeared on. Only from time to time cars driving outside brought a little more light inside.

He sighed softly, and even jumped slightly on the couch at times when the louder sound coming from the box hanging in front scared him literally for a second. After a few times, including one, when he spilled water on himself because of the jumpscare, the decision of turning it off and staying in the whole darkness was made. After a few minutes of sitting like that, he became sleepy, and when he saw 10 p.m. on the lighten up watch, he jumped to his feet, stretching with a loud yawn. He groaned quietly, being well aware of the upcoming classes since the next morning. 

After getting up and taking the first step, one of his feet was now experiencing the hated tingling sensation of sitting in an uncomfortable position for too long. He tried to get rid of it as soon as possible, waving his leg in all directions, sometimes jumping stupidly, so that the annoying feeling would finally leave him. This type of sensation was common after his dancing classes, when his muscles were not properly stretched. 

And yeah, he again bypassed stretching after college classes, just to get ready in a rush for another training in the dance studio where he was also working. He simply couldn't help it. He loved his job as he could not only flower his own passion, but also pass it on to someone else. It was his favorite place in entire world. When he could watch how young kids are hard working and chasing their dreams. Often taking him as a mentor. It makes his heart sing happily every damn time. 

He sighed again and went to the bathroom for a short shower, no longer than ten minutes, which after a long day was a relief for him. Steam was now hovering in the room, and a few funny doodles appeared on the fogged-up mirror, which the blond man drew with a quiet giggle while brushing his teeth. It was his way of relax. Even if after a giggles he's going to fall on his bed with hard thoughts.

After a few minutes, he was lying in a warmed bed, looking at the shadows dancing on the ceiling, and his ears perked up with wonder, if another disturbing sound would resonate tonight. Every time he heard loud bangs or broken glasses in one of the apartments above his, a shiver and an uneasy feeling ran through his body. More than once, he wanted to throw off the duvet and go up a few stairs and knock on the door of the apartment with the number 21.

Today, though, he flinched, and his breathing quickened along with his eyes opened wide now. When a quiet, almost unable to hear sniffling sound came up to his ears. He threw the blanket away, exposing his feet to the cold floor. It's been a while since he thought about getting a carpet to avoid this feeling. A shiver ran through his spine, but he ignored it and got to his feet.

He staggered for literally a second, then began to step straight to the window. It was ajar, which is probably why any of the sounds could have come from outside. At first, he thought that someone was just passing the building, someone overwhelmed with emotions. It was common this late at night. 

He cracked open the window wide and peered out while firmly resting his elbows on the wooden windowsill. Some drops of the rain fell on his nose, and wind pushed his hair back. But then a quiet whimpering and sniffling could be heard in his ears again. He also had the impression that it slowly turned into a pleading sob.

The unpleasant stinging feeling inside his chest almost brought tears to tired eyes. Jimin was always a person filled with sensitivity and strong empathy, but he hardly ever wanted to show it. As people seemed it as if something weak. But today, he really won at that point in some way. Because he could imagine what the person can feel. Which made him hurt. But he was in some way happy, thinking that this person isn't alone at all.

Yet more than often he hated it about himself. People always told him that this was the thing that made him so weak, but he never understood why. Why must feelings be his weakness? After all, in people's minds, the word "empathy" is increasingly spelled as "sympathy."

The last thing you can count on now is understanding from the other person. 

But it wasn't something he was thinking about today. Today he was only concerned about someone else's feelings and how badly he wanted to help. There was no picture of how to at all; and the only thing he had was an urge inside his head to make someone feel better. But when he couldn't see anyone on the sidewalk under his windows, still hearing muffled crying, he began to think he was going crazy. 

A strong wind blew into him, winnowing the boy's dyed blond hair again, pushing face up a little.. So he lifted his head up to see if maybe there was a reason why he could hear the sobs so clearly. And yeah, two bare feet hung from the windowsill. He felt as if he had forgotten how to breathe for a moment. Questions crossed his mind about whether the person from the apartment above him was planning to take their life or was just sitting there without fear of falling from such a height.

The trees outside swayed like crazy, parts of the branches lay broken under thick trunks that were clearly visible from his apartment. Lightning flashing in the distance lit up the entire sky, causing another shiver. Rain was pouring, making the boy's face wet more and more. Since he can remember, he has hated thunderstorms, which have always filled his soul with unnecessary fear. It was different with the rain itself, the sound of which often soothed and lulled his soul. But now the dark clouds and thunder that hit like crazy were not calming him even a bit.

He wanted to ask only a quick question—why—even though there was much more than one in his mind. He bit his lip harshly until he felt the metallic taste of blood on his tongue. He grimaced immediately at the unpleasant flavor and moved away from the window, closing it quickly. He went back to bed and thought for a long time about what happened tonight. For hours, the wind and thunder took him away from falling asleep. Strong bliss was constantly whistling through poorly sealed frames. Eventually, he gritted his teeth and tried to fall asleep but even so...head was pounding inside painfully.

In the morning, around seven, a loud alarm clock ringer from his smartphone woke him up. The blond man groaned and quickly tried to turn it off. However, when he could not blindly hit the right button, he muttered under his breath and turned along with the blinding phone to the other side.

He knew very well that even if he wanted to, he wouldn't take a long nap. So he only lied with closed eyes, groaning from time to time and nuzzling his nose deeper into the pillow. He knew that someone was already in the way to push him off this bed if he wouldn't be on his legs by himself. He was more than well aware of that. 

And yeah, after around ten or a little bit more minutes, someone started banging on his door, making him let out another groan while standing and feeling coldness under his feet. No matter how much he didn't want to leave his heated mattress and warm blanket, he moved with a grim expression on his face toward the door, which his best friend kept banging on. He yawned a few times during just a few steps, and rubbing face with the loosely hanging sleeves. He reached for the handle, turning the lock before doing so just to meet a well known face and roll his eyes at a smiley face bright and early.

“What a wonderful surprise! Thanks, oh King, for your kindness that you wanted to visit me; can you go now?” Looking at his best friend's face, boy murmured under his breath. 

The black-haired man only snorted at his friend's incredulous enthusiasm and actually pushed his way inside the apartment without even asking for an invitation. 

“Yah, someone invited you!?”

 The visitor rolled his eyes and sent the blond one, a fake, pathetic smile. That's when the sleepy one felt like throwing whatever he could at him and cursing a bit, as he usually did when his slightly older, unfortunately, best friend caught up with him about his height or rushed him on literally everything. He tried so hard this time to not explode and tell the other guy not even to speak up. As just wished to go about his morning activities in peace after an uneasy night, without any stress or unnecessary comments from his friend.

“You should be ready. I'm coming here at the same time. Always. What's so difficult about setting an alarm, Jimin?" the blond one only send a grimaced face and left for a shower, hardly stopping himself from raising a middle finger, when the older one made himself at home in the kitchen.

After a half-hour, when the clock struck twenty-seven, the two friends left the apartment and went to training, properly locking the door behind them. It was lucky for Jimin, that Hoseok was always there to pick him up so he didn't need to worry about the public transports and all these schedules, but still sometimes he was hating on unusually loud persona. 

They arrived at the training room an equal twenty minutes later, having exactly the same amount of time to warm up and stretch their muscles. Even if Jimin is pretty stretched, Hoseok has been much above him with that. Boy`s back was screaming for mercy today, but only to be brushed off and stretched out even more.

At eight o'clock, the dark-haired man began to demonstrate the new dance steps that had been added to their routine. As they've been chosen to represent their collage at the festival, which was approaching Seoul with ever-increasing steps. This all also meant that they've been chosen as the best dancers in the school and made Jimin nothing more than proud. But it still wasn't enough. 

He wished to achieve more and more as his passion for dancing was with him since he was a little kid. And he was happy to have family on his side, always encouraging him to follow his dreams. As he was younger, he started with something like funk dance - hip hop in general but as he found himself in High School the contemporary dance was something that took his whole heart. Especially the ballet aspects of it. And his parents were always there for him. So he did everything to make them proud. Even if it meant he has to forfeit his health for it. 

A good hour had passed, and streams of sweat were running down the blond man's forehead. Breathing heavily, he stared at his mirrored reflection. He could clearly see the whole of his body, something he clearly thought of as ugly. he couldn't stop himself from grimacing, staring at the posture inside the mirror. He lacked muscle where the core lies, thighs were too thick making him look like some kind of gorilla and his face was too pudgy. Yes, face was the one he definitely hated the most. And all he would like to do now, was throw something at the glass to shatter it all but loud steps took his attention from the reflection. 

With a few pats on his shoulders, as Hoseok quickly found a place next to the Jimin to annoy him a little bit before the practice, barely letting him take a breath. But as long as they were friends, black haired man was also a damn strict teacher and never ignored any wrong move, but was quick to point it out on more than one occasion, pushing Jimin to the limit. 

Blond man got up from the floor after one more fell just to begin another hour of hard work. Sweat dripped down his face in small streaks and breathing was heavy, often hard to catch, but that didn't stop him from getting up and taking new steps. To not let his parents down. To build an amazing body. And sacrifice everything to look at least a small percentage good. Wishing to look in a small way like people from newspaper covers or famous profiles on Instagram. 

He never felt enough. So Jimin often spent hours in the hall, eating little, hoping it would help him. Paying no attention to how harmful it is to his body. And what's even worse - to his mind. Boy was completely ignoring the fact that liters of water and hours of dancing without the right diet could lead to a finish. 

Yet the training didn't end as it was planned. It was a long hours more until he could leave the hall about six o'clock. Before reaching home, he knew very well that he had to run a few more errands on the way, which meant he probably wouldn't be at his apartment until around eight o'clock or even later. And he only let out a long huff, pushing his sweaty clothes inside the bag and putting on a light jacket.

He left the training room, saying a brief goodbye to the dark-haired man and slapping a few high-fives on the way out. Jimin was always a friendly one, even if he rather spent most of the time alone as he enjoyed his own company, he also liked to be around people. And Hoseok was a great help with it as he was like a walking sunshine with friends everywhere. Even if Jimin doesn't remember most of the people he ever met as his memory for faces is pretty poor, he usually with an awkward smile keeps answering short ‘hello’ on the college hallways. 

As he walked out of the warm building, his heated body collided with the cold air. A shiver quickly took over his body and as he breathed into the space, a little mist escaped from his lips. After quickly pulling a yellow scarf tighter, covering his neck, and putting his hood over the wet hair he was ready to stalk fast to the next destination. Really the last thing he needed right now was a cold.

As he expected, he opened the apartment door roughly after 8 pm. Quietly getting inside, and putting down the bag in the corner of the hallway. Staring for a while into the empty dark room. Only after a few minutes, taking off his outerwear and then headed to the bathroom, grabbing his bag to take out the clothes to throw them into the washing machine with the other clothes that had been waiting to be done for days. 

Boy looked at his tired face in the mirror. The machine door slammed behind his back making him jump a bit, so he only sighed loudly while still staring at the pale face. Hands quickly washed his skin with cold water, trying to give Jimin at least the slightest bit of life, but it was no use. So somewhat like a human wreck set off for the kitchen to provide his body with at least one meal of today. But even the thought of rating something made him nauseated. He really didn't have the slightest desire to swallow anything.

As the dry rice with chicken was in front of him, the first bite was the hardest. He chewed slowly, sitting in almost eerie silence. Trying to listen to everything that was going on around him. Suddenly the sound of the breaking glass and a loud curse, uttered in someone's soft voice came to his hearing. He furrowed his eyebrows and lifted his gaze upward. Literally, for a moment he felt like his imagination was playing tricks on him again, but then he remembered the previous night. Along with the figure crying in the window.

A voice he heard overhead and a heavy footstep on the floor echoed in his head. It was a girl, he could hear it incredibly clearly now. She was cursing as much as she could, and worst of all she said it all to herself. The blond man felt sorry for her. He didn't want someone so close to him to suffer so much. Even if she was a complete stranger to him. 

So he naively took his way to the building corridor, trying to find the right door. Wanting so bad to knock once or twice. But he didn't. Only fingertips softly moved on the wooden surface of the door. He couldn't do more.

[rainbow-femme]

I’ve been trying to think of why I personally wasn’t into season two of OFMD like season one, and I think it comes down to that whole idea of listing three things then only being able to pick two

You can be the silly pirate show, you can genuinely explore trauma, or you can be 8 episodes that add up to 4 hours of content. You can’t do all three

You can be 8 episodes and silly and take how Ed acts down about three notches from genuinely horrific to cartoon villain. Queen of Hearts that shit, have him demand they paint the revenge a different color every week, have him wake them up randomly at night by banging pots next to their heads, have him constantly rearrange sleeping arrangements so people are always switching rooms. Maybe he thinks he’s gone back to being the evil kraken but he actually hasn’t because he got softened by Stede so everyone is pretending he’s being very scary to humor him. Stuff that is cartoonishly harmful and fun to watch like Stede’s incompetent captaining in season one, not demanding someone kill their lover to avoid everyone being killed in a murder suicide.

You can have Lucious deal with what happened by being constantly rude to Ed and them having the conversation that this is what needs to happen for him to be able to move on and Ed accepts it and it’s just a running joke that at any time Lucious could come in and knock Ed’s food out of his hand or bump their shoulders together and knock him over or something, you can have Ed making things up to the crew with a fun montage of him one on one helping everyone to show him being nice and them forgiving him with things like helping Wee John make drag outfits or Frenchie write a song or he watches Jim throw knives at trees then goes and gets them and brings them back and eventually Jim teaches him how to do knife tricks

You can be 8 episodes and genuinely explore trauma by focusing on how each character or group of characters was affected, how they’ve changed, and what they need to do to move on. You can have suicidal Ed and the crew with PTSD and them needing to band together to move forward. You can have Izzy’s genuinely well written character arc and maybe tie other characters growth in to that

Or you can do both and not be 8 episodes, you can be like season one where there’s another hour worth of time built in to center around heavier topics but split it up between light fun. (And honestly even then maybe tone stuff down a bit)

But if you’re told the 8 episodes are non negotiable you gotta choose to be silly or introduce extremely heavy topics because as the season is it’s just very tonally jarring

And I mean season one had a good balance. You had the serious moments of Stede accidentally killing a man and dealing with the weight of that, or Ed telling Izzy that he plans on murdering Stede and stealing his life, or Ed admitting he killed his abusive father and has been haunted by this his whole life and views himself as a monster, or needing to renounce piracy to save stede from execution, or Stede being confronted in the woods with insults from a man who tormented him his whole life that confirm every reason he hates himself and then that man is shot in the face in front of him, and we have Ed mourning the loss of the relationship and just laying on the ground listlessly with no idea on how to continue living

But again that season had an extra hour to pad those moments out and fill in humor between them. It front loaded with humor and then increased the heavier elements as the story ramped up in a way that felt natural and incremental

Season two started with attempted murder suicide and lead into multiple scenes showing the crew being long term traumatized and showing that this is continuing on even after the danger has passed, and then tried to ramp down the heavy mental health elements while increasing the overarching threat against piracy as well as the struggle for the relationship to work which are by their natures also heavy and it is just not easy to criss cross like that and keep a humorous throughline with so much less time

Idk I feel like they had a white board full of ideas for the season and they tried to do all of it and fit it into 4 hours and there just was not a great way to move back and forth between the two elements they were juggling with so little time

Also side note but again with limited time it felt like we were repeating some plot lines from season one that we didn’t need to

Love Spanish Jackie but we’d had a Spanish Jackie heist in season one and I don’t think we needed dedicated time to Izzy teaching Stede to be a pirate when that was the bulk of season one with Stede and Ed. Both are light moments but I feel like again it was just what we’d seen before in the first season and with so little time it felt like we could have had other things happen. They clearly were going for character growth and then spent a good chunk of time rehashing things that already happened and redoing growth that already happened and that’s a small thing but it does bug me. I saw stede as a bad pirate, I saw him be taught, I saw him improve, and I saw that being a pirate became part of who he was. I didn’t need to go back to him being taught how punching works

[aboysbestfriendishismum]

Chapter 61 - Shirts, questions and the Fonz with a moustache

In the previous chapter: Jerry goes on his blind date and meets Heather. Surprisingly, she too reveals that she's not interested in meeting guys at the moment. Realizing that they are very similar and in the same situation, she convinces Jerry to pretend that the two of them are dating so as to be left alone by their respective friends. During a question-and-answer game between Stone and Grace, the two discuss how she hasn't let him sleep with her in her bed yet due to her insecurities. In the end Stone manages to calm her down and convince her to take this step with him. Eddie and Angie finally manage to spend an evening together, with pizza and horror movies. Eddie tries again to make her change her mind about Cameron Crowe's film and reveals that for him it's a special occasion: exactly one month has passed since their first kiss. Angie feels guilty because she hadn't thought about the anniversary at all, not being used to this type of things in her past relationships.

***

He fills me up, he gives me love More love than I've ever seen He's all I got, he's all I got in this world But he's all the man that I need

To a casual observer this scene might seem surreal, I must admit. If my life was a TV series and today's episode began with this scene from this morning, as a viewer, a thousand alarm bells would go off for me, ranging from "It's an alternative reality resulting from time travel gone wrong” to “A catastrophe is just about to happen.” Because me, Angie Pacifico, making pancakes on a Wednesday morning, still in my robe despite having class in just over an hour, dancing to the top 100 on the radio and singing (destroying) Whitney Houston is not something you see every day. I actually turned the volume up for Eddie because I suspect that I-never-sleep-I-only-live-at-night-in-san-diego-I-went-surfing-at-the-crack-of-dawn guy has no intention of getting out of bed. This morning I opened my eyes before my killer alarm clock and I promptly deactivated it to let him rest. I took the fastest and quietest shower ever and now I'm here. Since we are always in a rush and don't spend time together regularly, it seemed like a nice thing to prepare a nice breakfast to spoil him a little and be able enjoy a few more minutes together, sitting at a table, talking and joking, rather than sharing the usual quick bye and go each their own way. And I'm also including Meg in this because, with the end of school approaching, the tattoo thing and all the side jobs she's taking on to supplement her income, even having a nice chat with my roommate has become complex. I thought the smell of breakfast and coffee would be enough to give Ed a sweeter good morning than my hated alarm clock, but I was wrong. I pour another big scoop of dough into the pan and smile when I hear the sound of the shower water running, thinking that my melodious chanting has done its duty, but I immediately change my mind when I hear Meg's voice singing along to the chorus of Freedom 90. Well, if I didn't make it, she'll take care of throwing him out of bed with the help of George Michael.

I take the plate with all the pancakes and put it in the center of the table, the bottle of chocolate syrup is already there. Since I don't want to be seen as someone who only eats junk, I decide to also get some yogurt and fruit, which always goes well on pancakes. I head towards the fridge dancing, but not before shouting EVERYBODY DANCE NOW! together with the radio. I stick my head into the fridge and when I back up and close the door I almost have a heart attack and almost project yogurt and berries on to the ceiling.

"EDDIE!"

"Hey," he says to me, leaning against the doorframe, sleepy and smiling.

"WHAT THE FUCK" I leave everything on the table safely and regain color.

"Good morning to you too, kitten"

"Fucking kitten, you appear like this out of nowhere, you scared the fuck out of me!"

"Forgive me, I didn't want to scare you. It's just that… you were all focused on dancing, I couldn't interrupt you" he explains with that adorable stupid face that… nothing, I have class in an hour, I can't think about these things .

“How long have you been there?”

"A little while" he's still standing at the kitchen door. Still standing there in just his boxers and his black and red plaid button down shirt. I repeat, Angie , YOU CAN'T THINK ABOUT THAT NOW.

"You could have found an alternative and gentler way to announce your presence, right?" I go back to the unlit stove and pretend to turn it off, then move to the sink and pretend to fiddle with something else until I feel his hands on my shoulders.

"And miss this show? I'm not that stupid" he kisses my cheek and then rests his chin on my right shoulder.

"The ideal show for a traumatic awakening. Hey, be careful or you'll get burnt, it's still hot" I warn him when I see him reach out for the pan, perhaps to put it to wash.

"I'm already on fire anyway" he puts everything in the sink and then hugs me from behind, leaning on me again.

"Eheheh what?"

“Do you have any idea how sexy you were?” he whispers as his fucking grabby hands do the work.

"Am I sexy in the kitchen? At the stove? In one of the stereotyped roles in which the most vulgar sexism imprisons women?" I turn towards him in an attempt to get him off me, but with little success.

“I actually meant dancing in a robe, but honestly this is even fucking better” very poor considering now he's just grabbed at my ass and his mouth is getting dangerously close to my sweet spot on my neck.

"Oh ok so… years of struggles for women's emancipation reduced to a fetish? Feminism that exists only for the sexual gratification of you, straight white man?"

"Stop it or I'll have to fuck you here and now" he backs away from my neck just long enough to point this thing out in my ear, and then goes back to his actions.

"Eheh, you can't anyway" I push him away perhaps too impulsively, I turn around again and start filling the sink with water and then take the dish detergent.

"Why?" please, Eddie, you're not helping right now.

"Because… because Meg is over there…" and again, his hands on my hips "And then we have to eat and I have to go to class"

"Ok, wait," Eddie turns off the tap, takes my hand and, pushing me into a sort of pirouette, forces me to turn towards him again "point A"

"Haha, you even have points ready first thing in the morning!"

"I was born ready. Point A: Meg is over there, she's not here" first he looks towards the door, then directs his eye back towards me and winks.

"But she can arrive at any moment" I reply, but I'm not as quick to fight against his hands, which start unbuttoning my robe.

"We just need to pay attention when we hear Mariah Carey coming over," he jokes, making fun of the song she's singing now.

"What if we're too distracted?" I close a button, he unbuttons two.

"Point B:" he continues, not caring about my objections, "we can still eat... after..."

"After what?" he just looks up to smile at me, without a word.

"Point C: I'll give you a ride to class so you won't be late" and there go two more buttons.

"But-" I try to protest, not so strongly. He silences me by kissing me, softly, but with a certain firmness, and now my robe is completely open.

"Come on, let's go to your room, five minutes"

"It will never be five minutes, Eddie"

"Wanna bet?" my robe is on the floor and his hands are under my pajama top, threatening to send that flying too. Until a detail belatedly catches my attention.

"Eddie, da-… um, sorry, but what are you wearing?"

"I'm overdressed, right? I'll fix in a sec!" he wiggles his eyebrows like an idiot, starts to take off his shirt, but I stop him.

"No, I mean, don't you see what you've got on? Didn't you notice?" I start laughing and this very moment he start to give in a little and lets go of me. I take the opportunity to pull myself together and retrieve my dressing gown from the floor.

"What is it? Did I put it on backwards?" he looks at his shirt without understanding, and then looks at me, sulkily, when I put my robe back on.

"No, you put it on just right, but it's mine, can't you see?" I reveal by caressing his chest (Jesus!) with the excuse of pointing out the pockets on the front of my checked shirt, very similar to his "Yours doesn't have these"

"Oh shit, in the daze of waking up I must have taken yours instead of mine, they look the same"

"How did you not notice? Can't you see that it's a girl's shirt? The buttons are on the other side" I button up a couple of them and in doing so I notice how comfortable my shirt looks on him. Very comfy. Too comfy. He swims in it. It's obvious he didn't notice, if I was a nice size SMALL or EXTRASMALL he wouldn't be able to fit a single arm in this fucking shirt. But no, he didn't pay attention to it, because his girlfriend is a heavyweight. Well he should have noticed for the opposite reason, that is that he could fit his whole band in that shirt.

"Ah! That's why I couldn't fucking button it up! I felt stupid, for a moment I thought I was stoned or was having an aneurysm or something hahaha"

"You're insane" I shake my head and take the plates to put them on the table, turning my back to him to not to show him my face, darkened by the previous thoughts. Why does my brain always have to ruin the best moments?

"I know, I know. Anyway it's comfortable and it smells like you, I think I'll keep it. Can I?" I turn around in puzzlement and when I look at him he takes the hems of the shirt and closes them tightly over his chest, miming a hug. Then he shoves his nose against the fabric of the sleeve and pretends to be inebriated by my perfume, emitting a dramatic satisfied sigh.

“Which shitty romantic comedy did you come from, can you explain?” I look at him perplexed and on the inside I thank him for making me forget my fucking negative thoughts in a second.

"I'm not romantic and I'm not funny" he replies very seriously.

"And in any case the cliché should be the other way around: in any self-respecting romance flick, it's the girl who gets up in the morning and puts on her man's shirt or t-shirt. And he obviously enjoys the view"

"And since when do you respect gender clichés? Why is it always the male eye only that needs to be pleased?" he leans back on the kitchen counter and as he does so the edges of his shirt widen again.

"Shut up or I'll have to… um… jump on you here and now" I half-quote his line from earlier.

"...said the girl, giving him an excellent reason not to stop at all." Eddie walks up to me again in a threatening way (yeah, okay…), but this time it goes badly for him. I think I've never loved and hated Mariah Carey at the same time as much as now.

"Somedaaay Hey Heeeey! Oh hi guys, good morning" Meg enters the kitchen and I don't know if she doesn't notice me and Eddie because her attention is all on the table or if she's just pretending.

"HI"

"Good morning Meg" Eddie and I drift apart like two magnets placed in front of each other. He turns around trying to fasten the remaining buttons on his/my shirt, even though they're backwards, while I dedicate myself to distributing the pancakes on the plates.

“Did I interrupt something?” I correct myself, she noticed and doesn't even pretend she didn't, while she squeezes chocolate onto her pancakes.

“Yes, a debate about feminism” Eddie gives me a flying kiss on the cheek and sits down at the table.

"You can't just flirt like normal couples, huh?" Meg winks at me as I sit down too, resigned to her comments.

"We're not normal individually, let alone as a couple" observes Eddie and he's not entirely wrong. He also goes for the chocolate syrup, so the only one who will give a change to the yogurt will be me, obviously.

“Anyway, when are you going to ask him him to move in here with us?” Meg looks at me first and then, this time, the wink is for Eddie.

"What??"

"So we'll have the cool breakfast every morning"

"If you want pancakes, just ask, no need to get Eddie involved" I mutter as he and Meg laugh loudly at my expense.

“Did you call Crowe?” Meg gives me another jab when she's halfway through her pancakes and it's clear that I'm her favorite target this morning.

"No, I didn't call him"

"And when will you call him?"

"Well, I don't know, I-"

"If you want, I'll take care of it," Eddie saves me in every sense, intervening in the conversation and pouring me some more coffee into the half-empty cup, "I'll tell him when I see him"

"You tell him Angie accepts?!" Meg remains with her fork in mid-air in front of her open mouth and is about to have a bitter surprise.

"Actually, no. I mean, I understood no, or maybe I'm wrong?" Eddie looks alternately between my roommate and me.

"No, you're not wrong, as I already told you, I have decided to refuse" I reassure him and prepare for hell.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" Meg drops her fork on her plate and looks at me reproachfully.

"Because, as I already, told you multiple times, it's not for me"

"And you? Don't you have anything to tell her?" Eddie, who evidently appreciated my culinary efforts because he has already cleaned his plate polishing off every crumbs, pauses for a few seconds, keeping the napkin over his mouth before speaking.

"Um? Me? Why? What should I say?"

"What should you say?! Convince her, right?" Meg looks at both of us like we're idiots.

"Well, we talked about it. Personally I think it's a great opportunity, but if Angie doesn't feel like doin'g it, then she shouldn't do it. I don't want to put pressure on her or anything like that." Eddie gets up, puts the plate in the sink along with the cup, after finishing his coffee.

"I, on the other hand, really wanna put all the pressure on you. I mean, without an external push you would never do a damn thing, you wouldn't even be here! And then I think you're making a huge mistake by saying no! And you should tell her too, if you care about her" my friend shuffles in her seat, she didn't expect to find herself in the minority.

"I do care. And since I care I want her to be free to choose what to do. If she took part to the movie just to make us happy, it would be useless. At least, that's what I think." Eddie explains his thesis and then approaches me again and gives me another quick kiss on the lips "I'm going to shower and get dressed. With the right clothes this time"

I look at him dreamily as he leaves the kitchen and walks away, until I meet Meg's questioning gaze.

"Hehe it's because he wore the wrong shirt, he wore mine instead of his... because in the dark they looked the same to him eheh"

"This is not the explanation I'm looking for"

"What do you mean?"

"What did you tell him?"

"Him who?"

"Eddie! He's suddenly so careful not to offend your feelings, what did you say to him?" he crosses his arms and looks at me defiantly.

“What makes you think I said anything to him?”

"I know you. And, even if a little less, I know him too"

"Can't it be that he just believes what he said?"

"No. He didn't believe it when he forced you to play basketball with the band, play drums at Cameron's party, go up the Space Needle, make out in front of an entire club full of people for two hours. I don't see why he would have changed his mind now, unless you intervened in some way" Meg aggressively counts my adventures on her fingers.

“Aren't you going to finish your pancakes?”

"No, I won't give you the slightest culinary satisfaction until you speak" and she knows that it bothers me a lot, she's using strong methods.

"But I have nothing to say"

"What did you tell him?"

"Nothing"

"What did you really tell him?"

"Hahaha NOTHING!"

“Did you promise him sexual favors?”

"He's my boyfriend, he already has my favors, I don't need to promise anything to him"

"Maybe favors that are... a little kinkier than usual?"

"No!"

"Just tell me then or these pancakes are gonna end up in the bin" Meg takes the plate, gets up and stands in front of the dustbin.

"You wouldn't dare"

"Wanna bet?" maintaining eye contact with me, she slowly puts her foot on the bin's pedal and the lid opens up with a click.

"Well, it's not like I told him anything specific…"

"HA! You did say something to him, then?!" the lid closes, but she doesn't move.

"I talked to him about the fact that I wouldn't be comfortable being an actress"

"Mmmm"

"And that I would have too many lines to memorize"

"And?"

"That the presence of Tim Burton would have put me in difficulty"

"Okay... and?"

"And that I would have been hypercritical and would never want to see that film again if I had been in it… Maybe, due to the trauma, I would never set foot on a movie set again"

"Only that?" Meg's little foot still rests on the pedal of the dustbin.

"Only that?! I basically told him that it could put my entire career at risk."

"Okay. And then, what else did you tell him?" Meg doesn't give up and I feel I'm about to capitulate, I have no other choice.

“And well, I may have added some plot details…”

"THERE YOU GO. Tell me about these details" Meg realized she finally had me in her under her thumb and she sits back down at the table, placing the plate in front of her.

"I might have told him that, while skimming through the script, I had read of something I didn't feel like doing"

“What the hell of a story did you make up, Angie?” my friend shakes her head and grabs her fork again.

"I didn't invent anything! I just told him that at a certain point I thought I saw a scene with…"

"With…?"

"With a kiss"

"A KISS?!"

"A kiss, a very long one"

"AHAHAHAHAH YOU'RE SUCH A BITCH!" Meg doesn't hold back and laughs holding her belly.

"Look, it's true! There is a kiss! There are several! Just, um, not exactly in my scene"

"WHAT A BAD BITCH!"

“And since I mentioned this to Eddie, he suddenly became very understanding of my insecurities.”

"YOU DON'T SAY?! Who knows why?" Meg dives back into the pancakes, but not before adding some more chocolate syrup.

"You won't tell him anything, right?"

"Look, I would be tempted because for me you are a fool to refuse a part in the film and I would involve anyone to convince you, but…"

"But?"

"But I love your perfidiousness in this thing too much to let you get caught"

"I'm not evil!"

"No, you're just a little budding manipulator who cunningly uses someone else's weakness for her own gain… Little Angie is growing up! I could almost start crying" Meg feigns emotion and wipes away some fake tears with her napkin.

"Ahaha I didn't manipulate Eddie"

"You used his jealousy to make him do what you wanted, how do you call it?"

"I just striked some chords…"

"You pulled the right strings!" Meg gets up and puts the plate in the sink with the rest.

"I don't know if you're trying to play with my conscience to get me to tell Eddie the truth and accept the part or if you actually appreciate my little dishonest ploy."

"Mmm a bit of both!" Meg leaves the kitchen and retrieves her jacket and bag, I join her at the door "Anyway, in the end, even if manipulated, Eddie is right: it's you who decides. It's just that... I would have loved to brag a bit and say Hey, my friend is in that movie!"

"Half the people you know will be in that movie. Anyway, once I become a successful author, you can say Hey, my friend wrote that!"

"I can't wait! Alright, see you tonight at Roxy's"

"Ok see ya"

"Did you follow me to the door to say bye or to make sure I wouldn't go and tell Eddie"

"Hahaha to say bye! You would never do that. At least, not now that he's in the shower"

"Well, I could if I wanted to, you're not the jealous one in the couple" he winks at me and opens the door.

"Bye Meg"

"Besides, I've already seen him in his underwear, so" she's about to leave, but she comes back and shrugs at me.

"BYE" I close the door in her face as a joke and she holds it open with one foot.

"And my friends' boyfriends are all like women to me"

"JUST GO IT'S LATE, SEE YOU TONIGHT!"

The woodworm that Meg has just tried to put in my head about my unfair attitude towards Eddie doesn't even have time to creep into my thoughts when the phone starts ringing.

"Hello"

"…" on the other side just silence.

"Hello?" I repeat and actually I seem to hear noises through the receiver. It's not a noisy line, it's mora like someone is waiting in silence with the receiver in their hand.

"Is anyone there or not?" the moment I clearly perceive a breath I freeze. I look around to figure out where Eddie is, because I can't hear the sound of the shower water anymore, but I don't see him around. I go peek in my room and it's not there, so he's probably finished the shower, but he's still in the bathroom.

"Is it you?"

"…" still nothing.

"Do you need anything? Do you need money?" I ask in a low voice, but without getting any answer, except for an abrupt termination of the phone call.

I exhale deeply, as if I've been holding my breath for a while, and maybe I really have. I drop the phone on the table, take my plate and put it in the sink along with everything else. I glance at the clock. No, I don't have time now, I'll wash them later today.

A new ring of the phone makes me jump, I look at it for a while without doing anything, but then I decide to answer, if only to prevent Eddie from becoming suspicious and coming out here to see what's happening and why no one answers the phone.

"HELLO?!"

"Hey, good morning to you too! What happened? Did you wake up with a bad case of the grumpies this morning?" the response on the other end, this time, puts me in a completely different mood.

"Hi mom! No, everything's ok"

"I mean, it sounded like you wanted to maul whoever was on the other end of the phone…"

"No, it's just… there's someone having fun making prank calls this morning. They call and don't speak, without even a bit of imagination, at least they could come up with something more articulated"

"Like, if you have to bother me, at least use creativity"

"Exactly"

"Okay, how are you? Sorry I'm calling you this early, but at least I'm sure I'd find you"

"No problem, you did well. In fact, you barely found me because I have to go to class soon" I walk up to my room to get the clothes to put on, waiting for Eddie to come out of the bathroom.

"That's it, exactly. I'll end up having to make an appointment to talk to you on the phone"

"Don't worry, I still have time, we can have our fulfilling mother-daughter conversation"

"Good girl. So how are you? How did your holidays go?"

“Well, I worked a lot!”

"It's a shame they're called holidays…"

"Okay, I also rested and did a lot of things that I've had pending for ages! I defrosted the fridge, I cleaned the chandeliers, I washed all the carpets…" I go back to the corridor while I recall all the steps of the great house cleaning.

"What a strange concept of rest"

"Ugh, I went out with Meg and the others too, I haven't been home all day"

"I had no doubts. And how is Eddie?"

"Eddie is-" he almost caught me off guard "Why are you asking me about Eddie? And more importantly, how do you know him?" yeah, how do you know the guy who just came out of the bathroom covered only by a short towel tied not very firmly at the waist that could fall at any moment and who winked at me before slipping into my room.

"Oh your father told me about him"

"Did he tell you about him? What did he tell you?" the guy who slips into the room without closing the door, takes off the towel and… NO, ANGIE, YOU DON'T HAVE TIME AND YOU'RE ON THE PHONE WITH YOUR MOTHER, FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

"Yeah, I mean, he told me that you have a friend called Eddie and that he met him."

“It happened months ago, why are you asking me about my friends now?” and why Eddie, would be the real question. But I don't want to get too carried away and make her suspicious.

"No, I'm just looking at the photos your father took when he came to visit you…"

"Ah, the famous photos that I haven't seen yet" I lock myself in the bathroom and put it on speakerphone, so I can brush my teeth in the meantime.

"Well, because he only developed them now! Forgive him, he's been very busy with work, I've barely seen him too"

"I know, I know, it's just that he told me he would send them to me"

"In fact, he's going to send them to you exactly this morning. Which would also be the reason why I called you, to tell you this"

"Oh great! Thank him"

"And… you know, since I have a photo of you with Eddie right in front of me right now, he came to my mind, just like this"

"Totally random"

"Right. Anyway, how is he?" He's fine, mom, thanks. He spent the night with me and now he is naked in my room.

"Good! From what I know, at least. I mean, the band is recording the album, I don't see them as often as before" well done, Angie. Plural. Go with plural.

“But you told me earlier that you hung out with the guys during spring break.”

"Yes, of course, but I haven't seen them in a while now. However, they're happy, Stone told me that everything is going well." Was using Stone as a diversion from Eddie a good move?

"Ah! So you've seen Stone more than Eddie!" no, it's not good at all.

"I saw them equally, mom, don't get any strange ideas, I thought I made myself clear enough at Christmas" I snort and start taking off my dressing gown and pajamas.

"Very clear! You know what? The pictures are very beautiful, you'll see. Now I'll get dad for you, he has to tell you something"

"Okay?" my father? What does he have to tell me? He won't ask me about Eddie too, will he?

"Bye Angie, call me next time so I don't bother you, okay?"

"You're not mad because I'm talking to you while getting ready and doing something else in the meantime, are you?" I get dressed quickly, the only thing I forgot to take are the boots, but I can put them on later.

"No, but call! Okay, here's your father"

"Bye"

"Hey Angie!"

"Hi Dad"

"Today I'm sending you all the photos I took when I came to Seattle. Sorry if I'm late but it's been a mess. I've practically been living in the darkroom for weeks"

"Don't worry. How did they turn out?" I put my pajamas in the laundry hamper, throw my robe over my shoulder and, with the phone still on loudspeaker in my hand, I leave the bathroom.

"Not to brag, but they turned out great! Both the ones from the concerts and those from the beach party. I got a nice box here, ready to be shipped"

"Fine, now come out of the dark room and spend some time with mom" when I enter the room I waste no time, I put my dressing gown on the chair and run to cover Eddie's mouth before he can make any sound.

"Don't worry, I'll do that!"

"Did you want to tell me something else? Mom already told me about the pictures" when I'm sure he understood and he nods at me, I release my grip on Eddie's mouth and go and sit on the bed to put on my boots, with my back towards him.

"Yes, I wanted to ask you: do you know Nirvana?"

"Yes, they are a band from around here, I even saw them twice in concert"

"Not as a band, do you know them personally?"

“Um well, not really.”

"What do you mean? Do you know them or not?"

"I know them by sight! Mostly the drummer…" damn, why did I say that?? I quickly turn around and see Eddie has stopped right in the middle of zipping up his pants and is glaring at me "and I exchanged a few words with the bassist, I know who the singer is but that's it"

"Oh because they know you"

"What? And how do you know?" Why do I feel he's not about to tell me anything good? And why the fuck did I keep it on speakerphone? I can't take it off now or it would look like I want to hide things from Eddie.

"They played here in Boise a few days ago"

"Really?"

"At The Zoo" the management guys must have thought it was a real zoo and wanted to send Kurt there, for sure.

"And you went to see them? Weren't you busy with work?" after eternal moments I start tying my boots again and Eddie finally zips up his fly.

"You know what they say, too much work and no play…"

"Yes, and then you end up chasing your family with a hatchet"

"Exactly. Great concert anyway, pure energy! I took few photos unfortunately. The next day I bought the album. They also played some new tracks from the album which has yet to be released"

"And what do I have to do with all this?" if he bought Dave a drink too, I swear I'll scream. What the fuck is that? Does my dad have some kind of radar for my exes now? And he has to talk about it right now with Eddie listening?

"Oh because at one point on stage the singer said something about how it was their first time playing in Idaho and that so far they didn't know anyone from around here, except for a girl who's actually from our town. And he said that he will have to find another nickname for their friend, but it was a quick and rather cryptic conversation that I didn't quite understand. Do you know anything about it?"

"Mmm I have no clue honestly" Eddie looks at me and bursts out laughing, I signal him to be quiet and he covers his face with his hands.

"But you're the friend, aren't you?"

"I don't think so," a friend of that jerk?? I'd rather gouge my eyes out with my bare hands "I wonder who he was talking about, there must be other people from Boise who moved to Seattle, I'm not that special, you know?"

"That's why I asked you if you knew them…"

"Yes, but only by sight and they don't know where I'm from, they don't even know my name eheh" Eddie uncovers his face and makes a noise as if to say Yes, of course!

"Oh well, it's just a coincidence then"

"Of course it is"

"Ok, I'll leave you now. I'll go to the post office and then to the editorial office"

"Okay. Bye and good luck with your work"

"And say hello to Meg"

"Alright"

"And Eddie" Eddie looks at me and explodes into a toothy smile, while he waves hello with his little hand in the direction of the phone.

“Go-why Eddie?”

"No reason, he just came to my mind"

“Let me guess: you got one of his pictures right in front of your eye right now, right?” well, now Eddie will think that in my house there is a little altar with a picture of him, flowers and candles and that my parents pray on it every single morning.

"Hehe, actually yes! Say hello to him when you see him, ok? He's a good boy"

"I will. Bye dad"

“Bye Ray,” Eddie replies to himself as soon as I hang up.

"If they had heard you, I would have killed you!"

"Pff overreacting as usual…" now fully dressed, he comes and sits next to me on the bed.

"Ha! Don't even think about it, it's late and we have to rush to the university"

"I don't know what you're talking about, I just wanted to get this" all cocky, he reaches under the bed and pulls out his backpack.

"Sure"

"I'm a good boy"

"Okay, if the good boy is ready, it's time to go"

"Ok let's go"

*****************************************************************************************************

"How do you say Can I have your number in Swiss?"

"There's no such thing as Swiss, Mike" the girl from the staff just opened the door to the dressing rooms, just long enough to tell us Soundcheck in zehn Minuten, and that idiot has already fallen in love.

"What do you mean? So what do they speak in this hell of a country?"

"Where are we now, that is Zurich, they speak German" I just give him the key concept, we have a soundcheck to do and I'm not in the mood to explain Swiss multilingualism to my bass player.

"Okay, how do you say it in German?"

"Ask them in English, you'll see they understand you anyway" Layne gets up and motions to Starr, the only one sitting, to do the same and follow him.

"The whole world speaks English" says Sean the wise.

"You should have learned it by now, after the shitty show the other night in Düsseldorf" Layne opens the dressing room door and goes out, followed closely by us, remembering our nice little mishap the day before yesterday, when Mike al most got us killed. A typical Alice in Chains Monday night, in short.

"AGAIN? Look, I made a fucking comment in a fucking bar full of people, I thought you barely heard me, let alone those guys!" Mike isn't entirely wrong, there was an absurd mess in that karaoke bar. I don't know how the fuck we ended up there, I think it was just the closest source of alcohol on the way between the concert venue and the place we were sleeping at. We were all shitfaced when a guy in a leather jacket and sunglasses, who had just destroyed The show must go on on stage, passed by us. The very second as Mike noticed an unexpected resemblance.

"We all thought he didn't look anything like Freddie Mercury, but we kept it to ourselves instead of shouting it from the rooftops!"

"But it was so him! It was the Fonz with a moustache! What the fuck did I say? I said nothing bad, I didn't call him an idiot"

"Actually the exact words were Such an asshole, rather than Freddie Mercury, he looks like the Fonz with a mustache ah ah ah"

"Okay, he only heard the second part though"

"And thank goodness, otherwise he and his friends would have kicked us all the way inside the hotel, instead of stopping outside"

We arrive on stage and start with the rehearsals without getting lost in further chatter. We're here to play four songs in front of a couple of thousand people who don't give a shit about us and who can't wait for us to get off our balls and enjoy the Megadeth concert, of which we are the support band. But for us it's fucking life, playing is playing, as long as they put us on a stage, we'll do it with anyone and in front of any audience. I mean, we've opened for everyone from fucking Poison to Iggy Pop in just the space of one year. In this Andy and I were really on the same wavelength. I remember the nights spent fantasizing about our imaginary future concerts in stadiums and temples of rock. "Madison Square Garden? I'll even go there with the fucking Warrant just to play there!" I can still hear him say. I miss him so fuckin' much. Well, at least I like Megadeth even though maybe neither they nor their fans like me. We are at the fourth date of this European tour and we still haven't even exchanged a word. Let's say we almost didn't even see them. And the people? Well, if they're cold that's fine, when it's bad then they'll just throw shit at us on stage. If Angie were here, she'd suggest we put up a protective net like in the Blues Brothers… Well, thank goodness the soundcheck is over because I'm getting melancholic as fuck and I need a fucking beer. Without speaking we all leave and go out in the same direction, straight towards the nearest bar, hoping this isn't karaoke too. When I see a phone booth on the other side of the road, however, I can't help but take action and take a small detour.

"I have to… um I have to make a phone call, see you later"

“Can't you call from the bar? I'm pretty sure they have a phone there too”

"Oh no, Mike, he can't! Can't you see the young gentleman here doesn't want to be heard? It's so obvious!" Sean is already on the starting blocks of taking the piss out of yours truly.

"But who do you have to call? The same girl from yesterday?"

"From yesterday and the day before yesterday…" continues the drummer.

"But what about minding your own business?"

"And who is this girl? Aren't you going to tell us?"

"Layne knows her, she's a friend of Dem" Kinney is super informed on the facts, as I imagined Layne held back, but not completely and let the minimum slip. Excellent.

"I cultivate the noble art of minding my own fuckin' business, so I don't know anything"

"Well done Layne!" I pat my buddy on the shoulder and start to walk away again.

"Well done my ass, we're worried about you!"

"Speak for yourself, I'm very calm and I just want the booze" and this too was predictable from Sean. By now I could write everyone's parts in our dialogues, I know them like the back of my hand.

"Don't listen to him, you are our brother! You just miraculously emerged from the disaster with Angie, you know... and now you're going to get yourself in trouble in yet another serious affair with someone else??"

"Who told you this is serious?"

"If it's worth three intercontinental calls, it's serious for me"

"Come on, she's someone he's just met, she's fresh and he wants to keep her interested, right?"

"I see you already know everything so I have nothing else to add, see you later" I walk away amidst the shouts and whistles of my companions and I see them proceed shuffling towards the bar from inside the booth.

I take the small address book from the inside pocket of my jacket and obviously I open it to the first page, to the letter A. I know I should flip on through it, but I can't, it's as if I'm stuck, as if I'm short-circuiting for a few seconds . I put what I think it's the equivalent of our tonight's salary in coins into the phone and dial the wrong number on purpose. What time will it be the now? Like 9 or 10 in the morning, maybe she's not even home.

"Hello" but she's fucking there instead.

"Hello?" she repeats and at that point I realize that I haven't spoken, because in reality I thought I'd answered and told her that it was me and that I'm in a break between soundcheck and concert and that I called her because, for a change, I was thinking about her .

"Is anyone there or not?" I think I can hear myself telling her about the Fonz with the moustache, about the more than necessary protective net for our stage, about Mike who last night was about to pick up a girl who told him she was in her third year at Gymnasium, thinking it meant she was a gym freak, before I saved him by explaining that she was a fucking high school student.

"Is it you?" I'm panicking because I got caught like an idiot. After all, who else would call her and then give her the silence treatment? And from abroad too… I'm such an asshole.

"Do you need help? Do you need money?" at this point it's as if I wake up from some kind of fucking hypnosis and suddenly hang up the phone. Money? Why would Angie think I'm calling her for money? The answer is simple: she didn't catch me at all and she thought I was someone else. But who? Who could call her in the morning asking for money? What kind of mess did she get herself into? When I leave the phone booth I remember that I forgot to call Heather like we agreed, but who cares after all? The guys think I did it, in the end it's the gesture that counts. I join the band at the bar counter with a head full of questions.

The questions run through my head until the concert and even during and after that. In the end the show didn't go bad at all, apart from a few painless coins thrown, the audience also reacted well. You can see that the Swiss are more polite! And I was proven wrong twice tonight because, as soon as we got off the stage, we were immediately intercepted by David Elleffson and Marty Friedman of Megadeth who complimented us, confessing that they had no idea who the fuck we were before they heard us and that in their opinion we rock the asses, even if our name doesn't sound very good to them. We all spent the evening together drinking, smoking and talking bullshit, especially them, because at a certain point Marty said that they want to propose us as the opening band for the mega tour they will do with Slayer and Anthrax once they return home and in my opinion it was the drugs talking. Not that we don't deserve it, on the contrary! Well, I'll wait and see what happens, it would be cool, but I don't want to day dream for nothing. I prefer to take things as they come, day by day. But who the fuck calls you to ask you for money first thing in the morning? Maybe it's just a friend in need that Angie is helping because she always has to help everyone? Or maybe not…

[aggold15hi01]

Late night writing post-Logan x Kaia headcanons-Part 1

Don't mind about this project, I wanted to do this at work but work had been making me feeling f***ed up along with the long journey from work to home and vice versa plus waking up very early in the morning at around five a.m in the morning thus this is something I wanted to do it for a very long time; everyone.

Anyway, consider this post is the first and official post of Logan x Kaia writing as we get to know them better. 😊

Also, for those of you who are wondering who is Kaia's face claim; it is the Wubble version of Allisha Gray back before she changes her hair with the pair of goggles are being converted into her pair of permanent glasses where she wore them for a very long time in her life starting from her time when she started her freshman year in the University of Hawaii at Manoa which is her own idea as she did wanted to wear a pair of glasses which Allisha Gray started wearing it from the pandemic year.

For the writing of their headcanons, it is inserted below and I will be cross posting to my personal blog.

-Kaia does truly loves giving Logan a manicure and pedicure whenever they are at home in her (Or rather: their) apartment in the island of Oahu, Hawaii.

-Kaia has a collection of nail polish, books: magazines; music CDs, *Funko Pop Figures, My Scene and Barbie Dolls plus DVDs of her favorite movies she enjoys watching them either from her home or from her nail salon since he (Logan) suggested **she gets a TV for her nail salon just in case if people wanted to watch a movie at her nail salon.

~Kaia and Logan loves acai bowl whenever they are in Hawaii and they would always go for the acai bowl from the Sunshine Shack restaurant but they also loved and enjoyed the acai bowls from Haleiwa Bowls whenever they both travelled up north to the area of Haleiwa in addition to the Nalu Cafe Acai bowl where they can simply walk across from her nail salon to the Nalu Cafe where they would always acai bowl for either breakfast or brunch if they both arrived late to the nail salon by an urgent client with an emergency appointment.

~When she first met Coco who is Logan's dog; he would always let her keep Kaia accompany as he gets concerned about how Kaia would cope with the waves of loneliness she had to truly experienced it in her very own life while having to truly live in the island of Hawaii.

~Logan also helps her with the assisting job on the meal runs followed by collecting any of the parcels she needs to collect them on extra nail equipments; nail polishes to be stocked up and also extra items to be added into a collection.

-Kaia does truthfully hated sharks but told him the reef sharks she had experienced it before whenever she either goes cage diving with sharks in Haleiwa (A very seldom activity she normally does in Haleiwa) or scuba diving out in the waters of the Pacific Ocean surrounding the islands of Hawaii didn't give her much of a scare in the comparison of the great white sharks and the more common tiger sharks which although she seen them a few time whenever she gets a full on seldom day off from doing her own business by having to go scuba diving whenever she has the proper time to do it.

-Speaking of scuba diving, one of Kaia's favorite activity is scuba diving apart from surfing; swimming plus deep sea fishing with her dad whenever he gets the time apart from gardening which she usually enjoys it with her dad; reading; watching her favorite comfort movies, doing art on sketching; coloring in the adult coloring books and doing acrylic paintings of any different art subjects she wanted to do it whenever she gets the time in addition to spending her time at a cafe and journaling on her daily life whenever she can along the way on a day when she gets the time to be away from her nail salon.

-One of her least favorite part is the financial part where she had to truly hire a proper and an equally true financial team where they can help her with the financial team as it does truly makes her feeling so overwhelmed that she felt as if she is learning the hardest part of the business side.

~Speaking of teams; she also too hired a team of nail artists whom she met them during her time in beauty school or perhaps they asked her if they are interested in checking their portfolios of their nail arts in addition to helping her out with the nail salon by adding more nail artists whom nowadays people normally would either discovered them online or perhaps from another nail salon where they would spoke to them about how the nail salons in Hawaii might need a booster from the clients too in order to do both on their part by having to contribute by giving them their support in addition to letting people know where to go to the best indie nail salons whenever anyone or anybody needs to get their manicure and pedicure treatment.

[epickiya722]

REACTIONS TO EPISODE 1 - A QUIET BEGINNING

I'll be cutting it here because of spoilers (duh) and that it is kinda long. Also, this is played for laughs while also being my genuine reactions. I went back and added pictures so it will be a little easier to know which scene I'm talking about. Tried not to add too many pictures, too. I wrote this on my phone, okay?

Also, here is where you can view the OP & ED!

-> OP

-> ED

Thanks for the recap, Midoriya! Actually, that's one thing I do like about the recaps and narration is that Midoriya is doing it. It reminds the audience (at least for me) that this is still his story.

Also want to appreciate this scene right here. I love the colors. The pinks, blues and purples are so beautiful here.

MY GREEN BOY!!! 💚💚💚

Of course, opening is a banger as always. Gonna add that to the playlist!

It hurts to be a manga reader... Twice, how I adore you!!!

Oh shit, Giran! Dude! How have you been!

Skeptic! Drop that hair routine!

I just want everyone to know that whenever the Doctor shows up on screen, I wanna fight him. "No quirk", my ass. YOU AIN'T INNOCENT!!!

ROCK LOCK, MY GUY!!

THE WILD WILD PUSSYCATS!! RAGDOLL, I HOPE YOU'RE OKAY! 😭

Oh! Ectoplasm is there!!

*accidentally pauses on close-up of tiny Nomu* The hell is that?! It's so weird-ugly-cute. OMG, the little guy has on shoes!!!

Pixie-Bob's reaction! 🤣🤣🤣

"It wouldn't be hard to arrest Kyudai Garaki." That's right, lock his ass up. Throw away the key. I don't care.

I love that Present Mic has throat spray just how Eraser Head has eye drops. Small detail, but it makes sense! Kinda always figured he would have that because of his quirk... he has to have a lot on hand. So many occupations that requires his voice.

*Miruko appears with that grin of her* MY QUEEN, MY GODDESS, MY HERO, HER!! HER!! HEEEERRR!!! 💜💜💜🐇🐇🐇🌙🌙🌙

WASH!! I want his backstory.

RYUKYU!! MY DRAGON QUEEN!!

SNIPE!!! I'm telling you if he had a bigger part...

THIRTEEN!!!

*Manual appears on screen* Aaaand my crush is back, I have no shame.

Sansa is there and I just want to hug him!

Tsukauchi gotta be one of the most stressed out people in the series. I just know it.

That one shot of the Pros. THEY'RE ABOUT TO DROP AN ALBUM!!

On that note, I love how everyone is walking and then there's Miruko that is hopping. Damn it, I just love her!

*shows Edgeshot and his team* Again, the pain of being a manga reader...oh, but Fatgum is patting Amajiki's head to calm him down. Oh, that is just so sweet! How can you hate Fatgum?

*shows Midnight* It's actually been a while since I seen you! ... again... manga reader...

Oh, hi, Cementos! Mt. Lady! Kamui Woods!

*shows Edgeshot again* Why are you so pretty?

Oh, Ms. Joke is there! Been a while since I seen you!!!

1-B got some screen time!! Komori!! Honenuki!!

Midnight comforting Komori, aaaawww!!

Kaminari realizing his position in the mission. Honestly, same. He has the funniest reactions though!!! 🤣

"I miss Class A!" Kaminari, sweetie... Tokoyami is right there!

*shows the Rear Guard of Team Edgeshot* Oh, look! They're about to drop their album, too!!! Who is the big cat guy next to Sato???

I love it when 1A hype each other up! I WANT THEM HAPPY!!!

*shows Sansa* I'm sorry, he's just so damn adorable. He's a cat man with a cute cat face. The hell do you want from me?!

*shows Slidin' Go* Look, sir, please. Unclench your cheeks. And fight me!

Never mind, Death Arms got him! GOOD!!!

Katsuki, gremlin son of mine, I love you, but please! 😭 We all know no matter how much you express something you don't like, you're still going to go through with it!

"Bakugo, we only have our Provisional Licenses." Todoroki! 😆

*shows Koda* BABY!

BURNIN!!!❤️‍🔥💚

OH SHIT HERE WE GO!!

The heroes really pulled up in the hospital.

In said scene, there is a kid wearing gloves and a mask while everyone isn't. I feel like that kid.

"Miruko, to the morgue." Her - hops to it!...again I love her.

*The Doctor shows up* Ooooh, I just wanna.👊

Endeavor spooking him. Okay, that was funny!

THE DOCTOR'S REACTION WHEN ENDEAVOR REVEALED WHO HE REALLY IS!! 🤣🤣🤣 OMG THAT IS HILARIOUS!!

Oh, new halftime cut? Midoriya looks so good!! You can tell this is the turn of the series.

Hi, Natsuo! Hi, Fuyumi!

Eraser Head grabbing him and erasing his quirk. Me - 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

Damn... he looks straight outta a horror movie. The Doctor when he ages.

Bruh, how Tsukauchi is looking down at him. It's the "you ain't nothing" look.

When Present Mic approached him... oh my inner Present Mic Fangirl is coming out! Look, he is my favorite Hero next to Miruko and Rock Lock, okay?

Oooh, Present Mic is scary... marry me.

Nosy ass people, the Doctor ain't a sweet man, get your asses out of there!

I love the patient just beaming in joy as Tiger is carrying him. Same, buddy, same.

*Miruko shows again* 💜💜💜💜💜 LOOK I LOVE MIRUKO!!

*shows Rooftop Trio* Don't make me cry right now.

Oh, you're begging for forgiveness?! MY GUY, YOU...!!! ARGH!!

I love how Miruko said "Endeavor". You just know she is ready to wreck some crap up. You go, girl!

Real quick, I just want to applaud the VAs though. Like amazing!!!

FUCK IT WAS A CLONE!!! AND FUCK, IT'S NOMUS!!

Hold up... I want that chair...

"The bloodshed and happy days I shared with All For One!" I swear, they're married. It's unbelievable.

MIRUKO IS REALLY JUST OUT HERE KICKING ASS!! THAT SPIN MOVE!!

Johnny has on shoes, too! Okay, listen, the tiny Nomus are kinda cute... I want better for them.

MIRUKO KICKING THROUGH THE WALL!!! 🎶THROUGH THE WINDOW! THROUGH THE WALL!! 🎶

Oh shit... I'm sorry, Johnny. You did deserve better though.

The Doctor reacting to seeing Miruko! 🤣

Okay, it left off on a beautiful shot of Miruko's gorgeous face. Blessed! Ooh, just wait when I make icons out of that shot!!

The ending song... it put me in my feels. The animation, beautiful. Yep, putting that in my playlist, too.

Ooh, I'm excited for the next episode!!

[big-gay-bird]

Ok nobody asked but here are my thoughts on Zheng Yi Sao in OFMD season 2 (complete with spoilers):

-Since they were already messing with the timelines, why was she so young? I think it would have made WAY more sense if some of the fleets crossed into the Atlantic when she was at her peak and already MILF age, post husband.

-I wanna see more about the color coding, I think that’s so cool, and like her fleet captains had literally the best pirate names, I wanted to see them depicted too.

-I think it coulda been a cute “oh Stede, you’re giving rat boy advice? Now it’s my turn to give you advice.”

-while I love the idea of an all women crew on a ship, I think the fact that her ships were integrated gender wise is kinda fun in its own too? Like men respected her, took her orders with stead fast loyalty. That’s significant in this era, in Chinese culture but also in the colonized americas!

-related to that, I kinda hate the scene where they escape from her ship????

-like she can still flirt with Oluw, I think that makes total sense, but you cannot convince me she actually let her flings distract her that much

-I think how I would have done it is she catches him trying to escape and she’s like “well we took all the treasure and anything useful from the ship, and I do kinda like Oluw’s whole thing so instead of killing you, I’ll maroon you on this wrecked ship you love so much, how about that?” Like it looked pretty destroyed? Maybe it could have been more so to make this more realistic?

-then they steal the wheel somehow and there is more of a daring escape somehow (Zheng yi is smarter than them and figures out a way around not having a wheel) idk maybe that relies on the skills they learned from Ed, kinda reminding them why they liked him? I feel they needed more time to warm up to him again.

Idk I just love Zheng Yi and feels like she deserved a more respectful depiction?

[skylarsin7]

Chapter 7: Skull Rock

Birdsong woke Lily and she winced as harsh sunlight invaded her senses. She sat up, the hard slats of the park bench having left grooves in her side as she lay. The scene around her was quiet, the scent of spring flowers light on the breeze. She blinked rapidly, trying in vain to make sense of what was going on and where she was. She didn’t remember falling onto the bench, let alone falling asleep there. Where were the others? She glanced up and down the street, but it did not clarify anything. 

She stood up, swaying a little as dizziness made her vision swim. With the vertigo, the memories surfaced, all at once, the images flooded her mind. Patrick’s body splintering into pieces, dropping like a rag doll back into the lake. Eddie’s tumble off the boat into the water, the blonde jock’s shocked and horrified face. Eddie. Her heart hammered wildly. She had to find him. The cops would surely be actively searching for him now, with the third death in three days. She took a step on shaky legs, willing herself forward. She ignored the grumblings of her stomach, the dry sandpaper of her throat. She had no time for food or drink. She wouldn’t have been surprised to learn that she had dropped several pounds since this whole ordeal began.

         As she walked, her thoughts were once again consumed by Eddie. She hated the fact that there was so little she could do to prove his innocence, not that anyone would believe her if she tried. She didn’t understand how anyone could accuse Eddie of such acts, for he had always been kind to her, even when he had barely known her. Memories rose, pulling her under like a riptide.

 “I hate that class.” Lily complained, glancing over the last grade of the semester. Unfortunately, she hadn’t been able to raise her Chemistry grade because it was clear the teacher hated her. At least, that was Lily’s theory. No matter what she did or how many extra credit projects she turned in, her grade still hovered just above a D. Her stepfather would likely be furious once he found out, and it didn’t matter what she did to hide it from him, he always managed to find out. “I feel that way about my History class.” Eddie admitted. “I am army-crawling my way to a D so I can finally graduate this year. O’Donnell is the only thing keeping me here right now.” He seemed tired, but she didn’t want to pry so she didn’t press him. It seemed that the closer they got to graduation, the more erratic his moods were becoming. She wished that there was something more that she could do to help. “I could tutor you…if you want.” She offered quietly. There was a moment of static silence before he answered. “That’s okay, I think I can make it this time. It's my year after all.” There was a note of pride in his voice and she couldn’t help but smile. She would never admit it out loud, but she loved these moments of candid casualness. She looked forward to hearing his voice every day and was disappointed when something came up. 

A muffled shout sounded above her head. “LILIANA ROSE RAMSEY! GET UP HERE THIS INSTANT!” Her stepfather was on a rampage…again. Lily sighed. He had found out her near-failing grade far faster than she had imagined. “Eds, I’ll be right back. Steploser is calling.” She told him wearily. He sighed. “Don’t let him get to you, Lil. He’s a blowhard.” He told her in way of a pep talk. She smiled. “Oh I don’t. I know exactly what he is.” She replied. She trudged up the stairs, dread unfurling in her belly with every step. “Yes?” She asked quietly, keeping her eyes trained on the floor. She found it was easier to face him when she wasn’t looking into his rage-filled eyes. That had been her first mistake. His hand flew across her cheek in a slap that resounded through the monolith they called a house. Her hand flew to the spot, which immediately heated up and began to throb. She lifted her eyes to his face, which was a mottled red color, rapidly bordering purple. “No child of mine will fail their classes! You better get that grade up or you will face far worse than that little tap!” He bellowed. Lily held his gaze for a moment in open defiance, before thinking better of it and letting it sink back to the floor. “Yes, sir.” She managed, her voice low and devoid of emotion. She knew better than to let her feelings be seen around him. It would only make his anger worse. He was cruel and showing that he hurt her only fueled that cruelty. She also didn’t seek out the comfort of her mother. She knew that he had waited until her mother was nowhere in the house to discipline her. It was his way. In her mother’s eyes he was a loving husband and caring father. Neither of which were the truth. “And don’t you dare go to your mom with this. You know what will happen if you do.” He sneered. She nodded, but didn’t say anything. Oh, she knew. That one and only time she had tried to tell her mother about the abuse had landed her locked in her room for an entire weekend, on top of the fact that her own mother hadn’t believed her accusations. Rose colored glasses really did blind one to the truth.

“You are dismissed.” Mr. Ramsey told her coldly. Lily turned away, returning to the basement, locking the door behind her. “I’m back…” She said quietly, trying in vain to keep her voice steady. It was the best she could do. There was no making it sound upbeat. “Are you alright?” He asked. She hesitated. “I’ll be fine. He was mad, but I guess that's to be expected. He prides himself on having the perfect life. As only a pastor should.” She mocked. There was a moment of silence between them. “You know, you’ll be eighteen in a few months. You could always ditch that place and come to Hawkins. I mean, we don’t have much, but we do have a pretty comfortable couch. At least it would get you away from the proud Mr. Ramsey.” His voice was soft, gentle. It had a quality to it she didn’t recognize. Her heart leapt. His offer was so tempting her chest ached with the prospect. But her mother’s face flashed in her mind and she knew she could never go. Couldn’t just vanish without a trace. Despite the chasm growing between them, Elizabeth Ramsey was still her mother.  “Tempting. Really tempting. But I can’t leave my mom. She may have been brainwashed by the so-called prophet himself, but she is still my mom.” She said sadly. He sighed heavily. “I kinda figured you’d say that. Just know the door is always open, okay?”

She packed her go-bag that night.

The memory stirred mixed emotions within her. If she had taken his offer, would she have been able to change the course of history, somehow spare him from this awful crime he was being accused of? From the bigotry of his peers and community? Or maybe would things have been made worse by her presence? She didn’t know, and it bothered her immensely not knowing. 

She passed by a strip mall, one of the stores boasting brand new television sets in the window. She paused as they were playing the news. 

“As many of you may know by now, the Roane county line received a call a little after midnight reporting a homicide here on the lake. Officer Callahan here and myself arrived first on the scene.” The officer’s voice was monotone, giving nothing away. He continued his report, oblivious to Lily’s internal frustrations. “We made our way to the shore of Lover’s Lake, about ten yards from the house you see behind me. It was there that we found the victim, an eighteen-year-old senior from Hawkins High, Patrick McKinney.” Lily couldn’t get the image of Patrick’s mangled body out of her head and her stomach threatened to revolt again. “His limbs, his body, were grossly disfigured. There was an eyewitness on the scene…We have also identified a person of interest.” Lily’s heart froze in her chest. “Eddie Munson.” Lily felt as though the world had dropped out beneath her feet. She had to grip the wall as she struggled to remain standing. 

“We encourage anyone with information to please come forward. I’m sure you’ve got a lot of questions and I’m going to do my best to answer as many as I can. Two o’clock at town hall, where anyone from the Hawkins community is welcome.” That was all she needed to hear. Eddie was safe for the moment, and as much as she burned with the need to find him, to reassure herself that he was indeed alive and breathing, she had to find out what the police knew. His name was out there now. As Robin had pointed out, every narrow-minded creep and their mother would be gunning for him. It will be an all-out manhunt. She had to find out what this shallow, bigoted town was capable of. And what exactly they were planning.

***

         Eddie could hear the whirling and ratcheting of construction machinery as he neared the construction site. He crouched low in the brush, careful not to let himself be seen. One of the workers was bound to have a walkie on him. He needed to get in touch with Dustin, find out what in the hell was going on. Lady luck seemed to smile on him as one of the workers dropped his utility belt on a pile of lumber. With a walkie. Bingo. He scuttled out of the brush, discreetly pulling the hand radio from its holster, and high-tailed it back into the woods. 

“Dustin, can you hear me? Wheeler?” Dustin’s eyes widened as he fished the walkie out of his backpack. “Eddie? Holy shit. Are you okay?” There was a moment of static and silence before Eddie’s reply. “Nah, man. Pretty…pretty goddamn far from okay.” They could tell by his voice that he was trembling. “Where is he?” Robin asked. Dustin relayed the question, and a sigh came from the walkie. “Skull Rock, do you know it?” Dustin took a breath. “Uh, yeah. That’s near Cornwallis and…” Dustin struggled for a moment before Steve answered. “Garrett, yeah. I know where that is.” He turned for the car. “Hold tight, we’re coming. We’re coming.” Dustin reassured the terrified metalhead before bounding after his friends. 

         The woods were fairly quiet as the group trudged through them. Dustin was at the head of the party, glancing down periodically at his compass. “You are going the wrong way dude.” Steve complained, and not for the first time. “Skull Rock is north. I’m sure of it, I checked the map.” Dustin argued. Steve sighed heavily. “You do realize that Skull Rock is a super popular make-out spot, right?” He said with exasperation. Dustin shrugged. “Yeah, so?” He replied sarcastically. “Yeah well, it wasn’t popular until I made it popular. Okay? I practically invented it. We’re heading in the wrong direction.” Steve did not allow Dustin to argue, but veered to his left, ducking under some low hanging branches. “Steve. Where are you going?” Dustin asked. “Stop whining. Let’s go, trust me.” Steve urged. Dustin drew out his name in a frustrated groan, but followed him nonetheless. 

         They had been walking for what felt like hours when Steve let out a triumphant shout. “Boom! Bada bing, bada boom. There she is Henderson. Skull Rock. In your face, man. In your stupid, cocky little face.” Steve was almost giddy with his victory ‘I told you so.’ Dustin’s brow wrinkled in confusion. “That doesn’t make sense.” He muttered. “Yeah, yeah. Even with it staring you in the face, you can’t admit it. You just can’t admit that you’re wrong, you little butthead.” 

         There was a heavy thump that sounded behind Dustin, and both boys whirled in unison to see what it was. “I concur. You, Dustin Henderson, are a… total butthead.” Eddie’s voice was mockingly stern, and though he looked slightly disheveled, he didn’t appear to be injured. “Jesus, man, we thought you were a goner.” Dustin exclaimed, embracing the older boy tightly. Eddie hesitated for only a moment before returning the hug. “Yeah, me too, man.” He replied, his voice softening. Steve simply stared at them, jealousy glittering in his eyes. Eddie caught this and let Dustin go, glancing around as the others joined them in the clearing. “Where’s Lily?” He asked, glancing at each face in turn. They looked away as his eyes landed on them. “Where is she?” He asked again when no one answered. 

        “We don’t know…” Robin began slowly. Eddie’s expression hardened, his eyes like obsidian glass. “What do you mean, you don’t know?” His voice was a razor's edge. “We were investigating a lead and she said she wanted to be lookout. So she stayed by the car. When we came out of the house we were in, she was gone. No sign of forced entry, or a struggle. She was just…gone.” Dustin explained. Eddie took a deep breath to settle his growing temper, counting quietly to ten. “I leave her alone with you for less than forty-eight hours….I’m going after her.” He announced, turning to leave the clearing. “Hey, hey! Need I remind you that you are a wanted man? How quickly do you think you are going to find her if you are in a jail cell?” Steve asked, which seemed to effectively end the argument. Eddie didn't seem to have a response for that logic. Dustin stepped forward and handed Eddie a Ziploc. “Lily, she…she made those for you.” He said quietly. Eddie held up the bag, his throat closing with emotion. Chocolate chip pancakes. His favorite. She had remembered. His heart hammered as he tore the bag open and scarfed one into his mouth, his eyes closing in pleasure. After the junk food and cereal he had survived on the last three days, these were a feast. And Lily had made them. For him. Emotion swelled in his chest, a burning need to throttle her for her recklessness warred with his need to find her, crush her to him and kiss her until she was breathless. He managed a half smile. Once he was done kissing her, then he could scold her. 

          “So what happened?” Robin asked, effectively drawing Eddie out of his daydream. She leaned against a nearby tree, oblivious to his inner scowl. Eddie swallowed his bite before answering. “Jason and his buddies Andy and Patrick came looking for me at Rick’s. I snuck out onto the lake with that dingy. Only Patrick…he…” Eddie swallowed, shaking his head as if to dispel the images. “He ended up like Chrissy. I managed to escape while Jason was distracted. When I got to shore, I tried calling you guys, but uh, my walkie was busted. Soaked. So, I did the thing that I do now, apparently. I ran.” There was genuine bitterness in his voice. “Do you know what time this was? The attack?” Nancy asked. Eddie nodded. “Yeah, I…I know exactly what time it was. My walkie wasn’t the only thing that got soaked.” He removed his watch with practiced ease, tossing it to her. “9:27.” She announced. “Same time our flashlights went kablooey.” Robin added. “Which means what, exactly?” Steve asked. “It means that that surge of energy was Vecna attacking Patrick. So our assumption was right. And that would certainly explain Lily’s disappearance. She must have seen or felt something and fled.” Nancy deduced. “Well, we’re one step closer. We know the effects of Vecna's attacks here in the real world.” Robin said heavily. Dustin had begun to pace, back and forth, mumbling as he moved. His fingers were curled tightly around the tiny compass, his frown deepening with every pass. “And where he attacks from.” Lucas added. “So now, we just need to sneak into his lair in the Upside Down and drive a stake through his heart.” Max’s voice held no sarcasm, no humor. “If he even has a heart.” Robin added with a scoff.

         “A stake? Is he like a vamp? Is he a vampire?” Steve’s confusion wrinkled his brow. “It was a metaphor.” Max said as she rolled her eyes. “A bullet should work on him, right?” Eddie asked hopefully. “I say we chop his head off.” Lucas’ tone clearly stated he wasn’t taking any chances. Nancy sighed. “Yeah, I’d say all of the above, but we can’t do any of that until we find a way into the Upside Down.” She pointed out. “We need El to get her powers back.” Max murmured offhandedly. Dustin didn’t comment and continued to pace, but his steps were growing faster, more agitated. “Everything was like…way easier. We had this girl. She had superpowers….” Steve explained to Eddie, who nodded. “Yeah, you mentioned her.” Eddie said with little interest as he noticed Dustin’s pacing, cocking his head to the side. “Hey, uh, Henderson’s not…cursed, is he?” Concern edged every syllable. “Cursed? No, no. He’s fine. Mental? Absolutely.” Steve replied, his arms across his chest. Dustin halted midstep. 

“BOOOM!” Came his triumphant bellow. Everyone turned to look at him. “Bada, Bada…Boom.” He said, pointing at Steve. “I. Was. Right.” He said in a clear "I told you so" tone. Steve raised his eyebrows, and they nearly disappeared beneath the lock of hair that flopped over his forehead. “Skull Rock was north.” Dustin said proudly. Steve threw his head back, groaning. “Seriously? You’re serious?” He said incredulously. Dustin nodded, grinning. “Mhmm.” He confirmed. Steve pointed up at the rock he leaned against. “This is Skull Rock!” He sounded exactly as an exasperated parent would. “Mhmm.” Dustin agreed, continuing to grin almost giddily. “You’re totally, absolutely, 100% wrong. Right now.” Steve’s voice rose as he spoke. “Yes.” Dustin agreed again. “And No.” His smile only broadened as Steve stared at him with growing confusion. “Oh my god…” Steve scrubbed his fingers over his eyes, as if unable to believe Dustin’s refusal to admit he was wrong. 

“This compass worked correctly when we left the Wheeler’s. It was correct when we got in the car on Kerley. But it started to slip the further east we went. Now, it’s way off. When I was leading us here, I wasn’t wrong. The compass was.” Dustin explained. “So you are using faulty equipment, dude, you are STILL WRONG.” Steve’s voice was almost beseeching. Dustin smiled again. “Except… it isn’t faulty.” He said cryptically. He turned to the others. “Lucas, do you remember what can affect a compass?” He asked. 

  Lucas nodded. “An electromagnetic field.” Dustin returned his nod. “Yep.” He confirmed. Robin’s face twisted in confusion. “I’m sorry, I must have skipped that class.” She said sarcastically. “In the presence of a stronger electromagnetic field, the needle of a compass will deflect towards that power. So either there is some seriously super big magnet around here or…” He trailed off. “There’s a gate.” Lucas finished for him, the lightbulb going off above his head. “But we are nowhere near the lab.” Nancy protested. “But…what if, somehow, there was another gate? A gate that we don’t know about. It’d have to be smaller, way less powerful.” Dustin explained. “A snack-sized gate.” Robin offered. “How? Why?” Steve seemed to be asking all the big questions. “No idea. All I know is that something is causing this disturbance, and the last time we’ve seen anything like it…it was a gate. And I am hoping that it is because then we’d have a way to Vecna. And a shot at freeing Max from this curse.” Dustin turned away then, with his mind clearly made up, turning to walk out of the clearing. “Whoa, where are you going? Hey, hey! We can’t just go hiking through the woods. Need I remind you, again, that Eddie is still a wanted man?” Steve’s voice was rapidly bordering on annoyance now.  

Dustin whirled to face him. “This little steel capsule might be the key to saving both Max and Eddie.” He held up his hands in a beseeching manner. “What say you, Eddie the Banished?” He asked. Eddie seemed to ponder it a moment before speaking. “I say that you are asking me to follow you into Mordor. Which, if I’m totally straight with you, seems like a really bad idea. But….the Shire….the Shire is burning…” Dustin smiled, bouncing a little on the toes of his sneakers as if already anticipating the rest of his answer. Eddie stood. “So Mordor it is.” 

***

         “How long have you known that Eddie Munson was killing these kids? It was his trailer where Chrissy was killed and you expect us to believe he was made a suspect just this morning?” Lily had to bite her lip to keep her composure. Her stomach was twisting into knots with every passing moment. This woman didn’t have the faintest idea what she was talking about. Chrissy could have died anywhere, it was mere coincidence it had been in Eddie's trailer. She would have said so, but knew that no one would believe her. “The truth is, we’ve been following several leads, and yes, Eddie Munson was one of them.” She could hear the bullshit dripping off the Sheriff’s words, but he held the community in rapt attention. “And now we are doing everything in our power to find him.” Lily bit her lip harder to keep from growling out loud. Heat flared along her limbs, and she took several deep breaths to calm herself. Her fingers tingled a little but she flexed them and the sensation stopped. She sat towards the back, away from the crowd. “In the meantime, for your safety, we will be enforcing a strict curfew.” Chief Powell went on.

         There was a clamoring of voices, protests and hallelujahs alike. Lily cringed. “That’s your solution? Hide from him!?” The same woman who had spoken up earlier cried. “We’re already doing that!" "It’s been days and days. So you tell me why he’s not behind bars right now!” A man added. Powell raised his hands to quiet the crowd. “I understand you all are upset, but I promise you…we will find him.” The door opened suddenly, slamming against the wall with its force.

“No, you won’t.” The entire room turned towards the doorway, and Lily had to suppress a hiss. Blondie had shown up with what remained of the basketball team. She had to admit that he was classically handsome, very "Boy Next Door '' but she could see it was only surface deep. She could see the darkness that lurked behind his eyes. She guessed by the fact that he was clearly the basketball captain that this must be Chrissy’s ex. The boy Lucas had called Jason. He carried himself like someone who mourned the loss of a loved one. She felt a tiny twinge of pity for him, but it dimmed quickly. Powell straightened his spine a little. "Jason? Son, how about we talk about this in private?" Blondie advanced on the podium. "Why? So you can keep me quiet? So you can keep the truth from coming out?" A murmur rippled through the crowd. 

"Look, I don't know about the rest of you, but I cannot bear to listen to any more excuses and lies." Jason, swept an arm across the room, his pointing hand coming to rest in the sheriff's direction. "That's enough." Powell warned. Jason nodded. "I agree, I've had enough! In fact, I think we've all had enough!" The crowd applauded him and Lily felt instantly sick. She had known what Jason's brand of charisma could do. Her stepfather's face swam in her vision, but she shoved it away. Jason had made it to the podium and grabbed the microphone. 

"Last night…I saw things. Things I cannot explain. Things…the police don't want to believe. And things I don't want to believe myself. But I know what I saw. I know." His voice trembled as if he held back a tidal wave of emotion. Lily wondered for half a second how much of it was theatrics. Despite the nausea roiling in her belly, she felt a tiny hint of truth to his emotional speech. And if she didn't know better, she might have been drawn into that voice as well. "I have come to accept an awful truth." Lily braced herself. She had a feeling she knew where this was going. It was an argument as old as humanity itself. Cast out those that were different. "These murders are ritualistic sacrifices." Jason's words had all the softness of sledgehammers. A series of gasps punctuated his statement. But Jason continued without much pause. "We've all heard how satanic cults are spreading through our country, like some…disease. And Eddie Munson is the leader of one of these cults. A cult that operates right here in Hawkins." Another rumble of voices rippled through the room. Lily bit her lip to keep from screaming. "The mall fire. All those unexplained deaths over the years. Some people… they say our town is cursed. They just don't know why. Now…now, we do. Now, we know." He held up a photocopy of the picture Lily had seen in the Hawkins High cafeteria. Her heart clenched. So they were going to pin the blame of everything that had happened in Hawkins on Eddie. It was like the Salem Witch Hunt all over again. "They call themselves 'Hellfire'."

"That's BULLSHIT!" A voice Lily recognized as Erica Sinclair bellowed as she shot up from her chair. The girl’s gaze was glittering with ill-repressed anger.  All eyes turned to her. "Hellfire is not a cult. It's a club for nerds." Lily would have kissed her if she had been closer. Her mother hissed her name and pulled her back into her seat. "Just the facts." Erica added. Jason wasn't deterred by the interruption. In fact, he seemed to delight in laying another layer to the hysteria.

"A club…a club, a harmless club. That's what they want you to think. But it's a lie. A lie designed to conceal the truth." Lily rolled her eyes. Is there any other kind of lie? She wanted to scoff out loud. For all his charisma, he was still an idiot. "And now, this cult is protecting their leader Eddie. Hiding him. Allowing him to continue his rampage." 

  Lily couldn't contain her rage any longer. She rose, her fists clenched tightly at her sides, to keep from flying at him.  She leveled the golden-haired jock with a stare that could have curdled cream. "So it's you who will lead the next Inquisition? To hunt down those that are different from you?  Those who exist outside those social norms you seem to exploit to your advantage? Or those whose opinions, skin tone, religious views, or even their interests differ from your own? Who are you to label us evil? What gives you the right to this so-called righteous fury?" She had stepped out into the aisle, advancing on him. 

She leveled the boy with shifting hazel eyes, every ounce of her control focused on reining in her rapidly boiling temper. This was the voice everyone looked to, clung to, the herald of a rapidly building storm that would ultimately decimate this town. Things would only escalate from here if she didn't do something. And even then, she might be too late to stop it. She spoke quietly now, as if she was only addressing Jason. “I overheard everything that happened that night in Eddie’s trailer. And while I agree that what happened to Chrissy, Fred, and now Patrick is horrible, Eddie is not to blame for this.” 

         Jason’s eyes darkened and she knew that at some point he had stopped listening to her. He had stopped hearing her words completely. “Protecting your lover?” He sneered. “Or your Master?” He nearly spat the word in her face. She only glared, unable to find words strong enough to convey her hatred of him. Forget calming the storm, now she was prepared to become it. He did not take his eyes off her as he addressed the crowd. “You see? This is what happens when we let cults like this go unchecked. Innocent, decent people get brainwashed.” Lily growled. How dare he presume to talk to her about brainwashing. She could see her stepfather’s face, or perhaps what he may have looked like as a younger man in every line of the jock’s features. It was all she could do not to rake her nails down that perfect face, as if it would somehow show the world the ugliness underneath. The sheriff spoke before either of them could respond. “Why didn’t you come to us with what you heard that night, miss?” He asked. She glanced up at him. 

         “Would you have believed me? Would you have believed that a girl from almost eight hundred miles away overheard that horror with a long-distance walkie rig? That’s almost as far-fetched as these murders being the work of some Satanic Worship. But at least what I am saying is the truth.” She turned her attention back to the basketball captain before her. “Did it ever occur to you that what was happening to Chrissy was so messed up that she didn’t think you would understand? I can see it in your eyes. You placed her on a pedestal, and nothing could mar that image of her. She was seeing things that others would call her crazy for. So, maybe, she went to the only person she felt would understand. Someone this entire town labeled a Freak because he enjoys things like Fantasy Dice games and Metal music.” Jason’s face twisted into a look of pure hatred. Lily knew she was playing with fire, but could no sooner stop it than the tide. “I pitied you. When I figured out what Chrissy was to you. But the fact that you are using her death as a reason to hunt someone down for being different, is revolting. Chrissy would have been disgusted.” She could not keep the bitter acid out of her voice. She wasn’t sure how much of it was true, but Chrissy didn’t seem the kind of person that would be on board with hunting a man down just for being different. “You know where he is, don’t you?” Jason growled. Lily lifted glittering amber eyes to his, defiance in every line of her body. “No, I don’t. But even if I did, I wouldn’t tell a Lygion like you. I will protect him until either his name is cleared, or I no longer draw breath, whichever comes first. He is twice the man you will ever be, Nadorhuan. Antolle ulua sulrim!” The elvish tumbled from her mouth with all the venom she possessed. Jason seemed taken aback by the words he couldn’t understand, but the shock was only temporary. He reached for her, sweeping his arms forward as if to capture her in a bear hug. She ducked under his limbs, stomping with all her might on his instep. He hissed in pain, staggering back. Lily turned before he could recover, bounding away from him and towards the door. “She speaks the devil’s tongue! Don’t let her escape!” He bellowed.          Lily darted around the closest jock, who tried to clothesline her. She kneed the second in the crotch, where he fell like a sack of potatoes, moaning in pain. She turned just as she reached the door, and Jason was already advancing on her. She bared her teeth at him like an angry wolf. “You will never find him if I have anything to do with it. I will not allow him to be your scapegoat.” She sneered. She turned and fled the room before anyone could give chase.

[adhduck]

There is Love That Doesn’t Have a Place To Rest

A missing scene between the act of grace and getting to the island, wherein Ed and Stede are in love but only one of them knows it, and neither realizes what the other is truly thinking.

Read on AO3

The British had not planned for both Ed and Stede to be alive.

This is already made clear by the whole “putting Stede in front of a firing squad” ordeal, but it’s obvious just how unexpected this turn of events was when one of the officers tells them that, for the first night at least, they’ll be sleeping on the Revenge instead of the navy ship.

“We need to prepare our ship for Blackbeard,” the officer tells them as he pats Stede down for weapons in the jam-room-turned-brig. “You understand.”

So Ed and Stede are sharing a room again. They’ve done it a few times before, technically; Ed sprawled across the settee while Stede lay in bed and listened to him breathe. There’s no settee in the jam room, though, and no bed, and Ed isn’t here because he wants to be.

“Eat,” Ed tells him, ripping off a chunk of bread and offering it. Stede takes it gratefully – he hasn’t actually eaten since yesterday – but he’s mostly focused on how their fingers nearly brush.

“Thank you,” he murmurs, too quiet.

Ed looks at him. He really is always doing that, isn’t he? “You’re welcome.”

His eyes linger on Stede like he’s looking for something, but he doesn’t say anything else, and eventually his gaze skips away. Stede breathes again.

For a while after that, they eat bread and gruel in silence, knees brushing together, and it’s so comforting it makes Stede’s jaw ache. He thought he’d lost this after everything with Jack—the companionship, the familiarity, the ability to stop performing and not expect punishment to follow swiftly after. To know it’s not just salvageable but strong, never even broken, makes Stede feel unsteady with gratitude. He wants to shake and shout with it, would probably excuse himself into the auxiliary closet to do just that if they weren’t currently locked in the brig.

The reminder of their situation sparks something cold and squirming in Stede’s gut, but he bites it down. Ed hates being told he shouldn’t have done something, and if caught in the wrong mood he hates apologies even more. Stede will just have to wait until after the brilliant plan Ed’s doubtlessly cooking up, then; maybe when Ed’s edges are softened around a glass of brandy on the settee and that smile he gets when he and Stede are alone.

“Do you think they’ll let me bring some of my own outfits?” Stede asks instead. “I’ve seen what some of those academy types wear, and I look dreadful in beige.”

Ed laughs and leans back on his hands, looking Stede over like he’s trying to imagine it. “Haven’t seen you in an outfit you look dreadful in yet. Besides maybe that treasure hunting one.”

“That was beige!”

Ed laughs even harder at that and Stede huffs, trying to focus on his wounded pride instead of the crinkle of Ed’s eyes. “Besides,” he argues, “it was all I had that fit the theme. I couldn’t very well go searching for treasure in summer linens, could I?”

“Course not,” agrees Ed, who Stede distinctly remembers grousing that it doesn’t fucking matter, mate, why did you even need to change at all, let’s just go. “It wasn’t that bad, anyway. Just a bit...muted, is all. Not your usual style.”

Stede snorts. “If you think that was muted, you should’ve seen me in Barbados! Hardly a drop of color in any of my outfits then, or style for that matter. Pirate life has suited me much better in that regard.”

"That it has, mate,” Ed says, and he sounds genuine, except his gaze also slides to some distant spot over Stede’s shoulder, and the crinkles have disappeared with his smile, and instinct has Stede rushing to patch whatever mistake he’s made.

“It’s a bit much sometimes, I know,” he says quickly. “The...well, the everything about me, I suppose.”

“Fuck off,” Ed says instantly, gaze locking back to Stede with a scowl. There’s still a flash of something in his eyes, something like sadness, but it's gone before Stede can pin it down. “And anyway, I’m a little much, too, yeah?”

“Just a little,” Stede teases, pleased when Ed brightens again. “I like it about you.”

Ed nods like they’ve come to a very important agreement, all puffed up in that frankly adorable way that makes Stede want to squeeze him, then shifts to lean against the wall. “C’mere.”

Stede, who is about a foot and a half away from Ed, blinks. “Hm?”

“I need a nap,” Ed explains, “and you’ve spoiled me with that settee of yours. Takes me ages to sleep now if I don’t have anything comfy to lay on. So c’mere.”

Stede obeys, still only half processing the words, and then Ed’s head is on his shoulder, body pressed casually against Stede’s own, and it’s—god, it’s familiar, somehow, even though this has never happened before. How does every new, incredible thing Ed shows him feel like it’s already his, like he’s held it so many times It's molded to the shape of his hand?

“I can be the pillow later,” Ed mumbles, “if you want. But I call dibs first.”

“Well, if you call dibs,” Stede says, instead of anything you want. Ed’s beard tickles his neck, breath warm and, yes, familiar against his collar, and Stede aches, suddenly, with the desire to have this as long as possible.

Whatever Ed asks of him, Stede decides, he’ll do it. If their escape puts Stede in danger, if it requires him to maim or kill, if it means he has to throw every last one of his beloved possessions overboard, he’ll do it. Better that than losing this beloved familiarity between them, this thing that looms so large Stede cannot begin to comprehend its shape.

“Sleep well,” he murmurs, laying his head against Ed’s as his first act of devotion. Whatever it takes, he vows to himself. He will not let Ed lose everything.

--

The first day headed for the academy was nice—way nicer than any time locked up in the jam room as a sort of prisoner should be. Stede seemed to be holding together all right, even ate the shit food they were given, and though Ed hadn’t woken up from his nap to Stede’s hands running delicately through his hair or his lips on Ed’s brow or any of the other romantic scenarios Ed has definitely not been fantasizing about, he did wake up to Stede smiling down at him, and that was enough.

He always knew, of course, that the British would fuck them both over to make up for this bit of decent treatment, but falling asleep to Stede’s breathing had made Ed soft and he thought it would just be some shittier food, or maybe they’d beat Ed up a bit or something. He certainly didn’t expect for them to get belowdecks on the navy ship and be directed to different fucking cells.

Ed fights against it for exactly as long as it takes for Stede to grab his shoulders, and then he allows himself to be pulled away, grumbling like his body isn’t already putty in Stede’s hands.

“It’s not worth it, Ed,” Stede tells him, brows furrowed and serious. “It’s just one day, and they’ll punish you for lashing out.” His thumb presses into Ed’s arm, and he adds quieter, “Besides, you should save your strength for...later.”

Ed’s not sure what the fuck that means, but he’s absolute shit at saying no to Stede, so he nods and lets them be separated again. Even if seeing the flickering fear behind Stede’s eyes as he’s led away makes Ed feel like a wild, untethered thing.

So now Ed’s in this ugly, barren cell by himself – apparently “preparing for Blackbeard” just means getting rid of everything except the grime – and he misses Stede so much it’s like taking a blade through the lung. He didn’t sign a bloody Act of Grace just to be separated from Stede, all right? Staying with him was sort of the whole fucking point.

They don’t bring Ed any food, which he expected, but he worries they didn’t bring Stede any food, either. He worries about if Stede is cold, if they’ve given him a cot or expect him to sleep on the floor, if he’s scared, if he wishes Ed had held him or told him it would be okay. He feels mad with it, the worrying; he hasn’t thought so much about every little thing someone might need since his mum, and he can’t even do anything right now.

Tomorrow, he tells himself. They can’t separate us at the academy, at least. Maybe they’ll even share a cot, or at least a bunk, and Ed will have Stede within arm’s reach all the time, satisfy the gnawing thing in his chest that wants and wants and wants, all of it Stede.

He thinks, sometimes, he can see that same hunger in Stede, though it looks softer reflected in those bright hazel eyes. Maybe Ed will get the balls to tell Stede how he feels properly when they’re reunited, even though he thinks the whole “sacrificing everything for Stede” thing should be enough of a fucking blue. But it’s also Stede, who took his ‘run me through’ bit at face value, so probably not. Ed doesn’t actually care right now. As long as he knows Ed cares about him. That’s all that matters.

Another wave of wanting swells high in his throat, low in his belly. Fuck, Ed loves that man so much. Can hardly look at him about it, hardly form words; he just remembers Stede’s blinding joy when Ed crawled onto the ship like a drowned rat, the way their feet touched while they got tied up, fuck, and he’s gone. Wants to kiss the corners of Stede’s eyes and press him into a too-soft mattress as he shivers apart with ungentlemanly pleasure, curl around him afterwards and wake up next to him and eat so much marmalade they’re sick with it and fucking– fucking fold socks with him, anything he wants, anything at all, as long as he’ll do it with Ed.

The things he wants are Blackbeard shit, though, his brain reminds him, like a dick. He ran away from a quiet life, not towards it.

Ed makes a face and turns over where he’s laying on the floor. It’s not like he doesn’t know he and Stede have been yearning for different things – Stede for piracy, Ed for anything else – but he refuses to take that as a sign they can’t work out at all. There’s got to be something they both love, right? Something with just enough adventure for Stede without all the dreaded fucking weight of plans and leadership for Ed?

Hell, he’d be willing to stay at sea if that would keep Stede; be a merchant, or the ineffective sort of pirate Stede imagined being when he first started out. Just as long as he doesn't have to be Blackbeard anymore, he’ll be fine—that's the bit that makes things so fucking dull. No challenge, no novelty, no marmalade or forty-orange cakes that barely taste of orange.

Ed has wondered before, usually a bottle in or too many hours into the dark, whether Stede will miss Blackbeard; if he’ll come to resent Ed for not being him the way Izzy does. If Stede would only stay if Blackbeard stayed, too...Ed’s honestly not sure what he’d do.

But it doesn’t matter, he tells himself, because he doesn’t have to choose anymore. Blackbeard’s dead, signed away to the crown. Ed’s the only one left for Stede to choose.

He hopes that’s enough.

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

blorbo question: what kinds of drugs do you think ed would be into? which ones would help him and which ones would make him feel worse?

Ok so I project onto Ed so this might be colored by my own drug experiences, but I'll do my best. I'll tell you generally what I think he'd like and the I'll put up a cut and go through all the ones I've done and tell you how I think Ed would be on them.

General before I get into specifics. Canonically he uses stimulants during the Kraken era and weed socially. However I do kinda feel like Rhino Horn is not his favorite drug just the most manageable way to get a hit of endorphins while also being able to oversee raids so he can break Ned Lowe's record. I am biased because I'm a psychedelic enjoyer, but Ed's a pretty confident guy who doesn't really second guess himself until after he acts (lbr the man did not second guess fucking knife parade for like multiple years and he doesn't apologize). Of course he also hates himself but I don't think that makes him not confident, which being confident and not immediately second guessing yourself is a great personality for producing good hallucinogenic experiences. Hallucinogens are usually great if you're not afraid of them. And I also think that Ed wants to be taken out of his life for a little bit and hallucinogens are conducive to that. I think he and Jack probably did a bit of P&P back in the day and I think ecstasy was probably their favorite because Jack is a tweaker and Ed is a psychedelics guy. Now that he and Stede are together he's doing poppers.

Onto specifics. What makes him better, what makes him worse

Ok here's the drugs I have experience with: Meth, Mushrooms, Weed, Coke, LSD, GHB, and DMT. So I'll just give you those.

Let's start with coke and weed because we have canon evidence for those.

Cocaine Rhino Horn- ok so for me personally coke kinda ain't shit. It's the best stimulant by far (ecstasy is a stimulant/hallucinogen so I'm not counting it because it's also something else) but it's still just sort of me but faster. I've said many a time that Coke is my ADHD meds but horny and Meth is like my ADHD meds but evil. I can drive on the shit literally better than I drive sober because I am less distracted. And before someone accuses me of micro dosing I can pack the shit away, I do twice as much as whoever I'm with and get half as high, every ounce of coke ive ever done was waisted on me. I have fun on it it's not a bad feeling but I it's like if coffee was poppers rather than a real drug. I think Ed probably has a similar experience here with being relatively coherent because we see him doing raids while high on the stuff. I think coke is giving him that little euphoria bump he needs to be passively suicidal instead of actively suicidal and not much else. That said once I did like three lines and then went to the wrong bus station subsequently missing my bus (I ordered my Uber before doing the coke so it was not the coke's fault) and I had a tantrum but I did not cry or start doom spiraling over the 200$ I was forced to pay, so I'm gonna go with a tentative better? For how coke makes Ed.

Weed- Ed also displays a high tolerance here, given that he shares a blunt with Mary and then he's sober in the next scene. That being said I think if he had more than half a blunt he would get emotional very quickly. If he's in a good mood he gets clingy and everyone around him is his favorite person and if he's in a bad mood he starts crying. Weed would make him worse and I know this about him

Meth- Tina is my enemy I hate her. They told me it was highly addictive and would make you crazy and then it just gave me insomnia and a weird bowl movement. Did you know while on meth you don't get hungry but you do get hangry? You can't sleep you can't eat but your body doesn't stop needing to eat and sleep. I've done meth exactly twice and once was on accident (the idiot I smoked shrooms with didn't clean his fucking pipe and I did not realize I had imbibed methamphetamine until about 24 hours later when I had been trying and failing to sleep for roughly 10 hours). Anyway I think given how hangry Ed gets meth would make him worse in every conceivable way. Meth also makes me more focused so I think he would invent some diabolical scheme and it would be a genuinely good one and then he would also lose his fucking mind and pulverize the next thing to surprise him after not eating for 18 hours (imagine the snake scene from 1x07 but on... Well on meth I guess) and cry because he is so so tired.

GHB- for those of you not in the know this is a depressant but not an opioid that is sometimes used as a daterape drug because it's got an incredibly dangerous interaction with alcohol but is mostly manageable on its own. It's not entirely dissimilar to high doses of alcohol in its high ill be honest, but maybe I just haven't had enough depressants to be able to tease apart their distinct personalities. I enjoyed this one but I think I'm gonna let my experience diverge from Ed's a little bit here. I don't think he would be a fan. He might be alright with it if he and Stede were doing it together as a sexual aid, but it tastes really bad, like putting bitterant directly into your mouth levels of bad, and we know Ed is a sweet tooth. The poor old man would also get tired on it a lot quicker than I did, and I remember laying there like I was asleep with a pleasant buzz in my brain and not really wanting to get up for quite a bit of it.

DMT- So dmt isn't good unless you're doing a near death experience type breakthrough trip otherwise you see some fun colors for 20 minutes and then it's over. I cannot speak to the breakthrough trip because I did it with a Grindr date and I did not want to be at his mercy for a half an hour while I was experiencing The Tunnel. However from what I've heard of the breakthrough trip, that shit is a mental game. You don't want to do that third rip but you've gotta. Ed loves to win at games and he's got some mental fortitude so I think he would flex how much he likes DMT. It would make him WORSE

LSD- I love her everyone loves her Lucy is my best friend. She's a bit... Lovecraftian but certainly not in a bad way. I think acid would really depend where Ed was at mentally. Like Ed when Stede is around would have a good time taking to the universe. I think that talking to the universe during the Kraken era could go really well or really really horrendously. On the one hand I wonder if ego death might actually be good for him? Like feeling like you're one with everything and like you aren't real could be either freeing for a guy who hates himself that much or it could end up making him hate everything because his self hatred could get as expensive as his dissolving ego. I think immediately pre Stede however acid would not be the best idea this is a vibe I'm getting. Acid has the potential to go either way on the better worse question.

Mushrooms- mushrooms have always been really nice to me but I need to be up and doing something while I'm on them. Totally a club drug for me. I know that's an insane thing to say but I think my brain chemistry may be fucked up. Anyway this does not make Ed better or worse but it does make him look at stuff and giggle which is objectively cute.

[hankwritten]

y'know whats really suprising (at least to me)? that as far as i can tell, nobody has ever made an rvb/tf2 crossover. when ya get right down to it, theyre both about two teams of color coded idiots fighting over nothing in the middle of nowhere who eventually have to deal with grander threats. maybe theyre not exactly ripe fer a crossover due to the differing time periods, but it could be made to work

I wouldn't go so far as to call them crossovers, but at the very height of being into both tf2 and rvb I stumbled across someone's SFM videos with the audio sourced from rvb (taking audio of comedy skits and making SFMs out of them was its own whole genre, so I'd say it was more in line with that trend than a true attempt to cross the fandoms) In all honesty they were...not very good. But my passion was high and my standards were very low so I watched a lot of not very good SFMs during that time anyway.

I did a bit of preliminary searching, and I found some vids with a similar concept (which are also the same level of Not Very Good) but the exact collection of short videos I didn't find. May be lost to history at this point.

Younger me (<== contained not a single drop of SFM skill at the time) often did fantasize about making tf2 SFM animations But Good. I remember distinctly thinking that the "let me borrow the sniper rifle" bit would translate to tf2 so well, and be super funny. Actually! Demo and Sniper's scene in Territorial Control was based on that long remembered joke, arrived through the ages to take on a life of its own.

Circling back to sort of your original point nonny, I love the few times I've gotten to explain rvb to a friend who's only familiar with tf2. The idea that both canons have a conflict of Red and Blue needing to be kept in the dark that they're being puppet-ed by the same organization is so juicy; also, how rvb both takes people finding out both more seriously and less seriously than tf2. How it's both a joke and no one cares, (Tucker about to reveal it, then getting run over by a car and getting convenient amnesia and the plot moving on since it's for a joke and not *actually* a big deal) but then also when it is For Real revealed MANY seasons later, it leads to Sarge's breakdown and crisis of faith. One of my Sadness over tf2 canon is that this level of gravity is never given to the R/B conflict, it's just sort of quietly set aside in favor Mann vs Machine, which is set aside for Fortress vs Classics, which itself is being set aside in the last issue. Red vs Blue proves that you can move on to bigger and more elaborate conflicts, and you could have given a satisfying resolution to the initial duplicity/intrigue of the pointlessness of their whole war.

Anyway, I don't know if any of the rvb cast would get along w the tf2 mercs since their shtick is hating the world and each other, but I do think it'd be funny if the "everyone likes Donut even people who's whole thing is being a bitch" continued into the new canon. All of the mercs are like. Yeah these multicolored space marines who alternate timelined to New Mexico (alternate timelining into other video games is canon in rvb so fuck yeah) suck major ass. But that pink one. I find him oddly charming for some reason.

Texas gets Worf Effect'd. Her canon powers of "can beat everyone up super easily, but always ends up losing due to These Idiot's Hyjinks" absolutely applies when she inevitably fights the mercs.

Sniper takes Church at face value when he says he's a good sniper and is fine with just sitting around and not talking and killing shit. But as soon as they go somewhere to nest up this blue dude will just not shut up for some reason and Sniper gets fed up with him real fast.

Anyway~ most of my thoughts. I haven't been into rvb in a long time but it was nice to jog these old ideas again.