#haven’t posted either and i probably wont but

[alxclaremont]

i am going to go insane me thinks.

[bth3cowboi]

paint me in lovely red, mv1xreader

masterlist

pairing: max verstappen x artist!reader

summary: a tiny slip can make your most beautiful secrets public. Sometimes the slip comes in the form of a painting, sometimes the secret is a relationship with a world champion.

format: social media au

a/n: all paintings used here were made by Malcolm Liepke! Part 1/?

( instagram )

verstappen1updates

liked by fanuser and 500,233 others

verstappen1updates Max just admitted that he’s in a relationship on stream! Transcript of the clip for those asking:

G: Max, they’re asking about the new painting in the background. I haven’t seen it before either.

M: Ah yes, that was a gift for the championship win from- [Stops to keep driving]. Well, my girlfriend really.

G: [Laughs] That’s cute, she’s great at painting. Oh- they’re surprised now- [Laughs] about your girl.

M: Ah- We just like to keep to ourselves, mate.

see all comments

user1 YO WHAT???

user2 and just like that we’ve lost him🥲

user3 u don’t know that man

user2 a girl can dream…

user4 sooo whos the girl?? I want to know noww

user5 a whole picture of his winning car??? she must be HOOKED

user6 after that season i cant blame her

( twitter )

( instagram )

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1 and others

yourusername Spring is coming so new prints are out on my online shop!! Make sure to check them out💛🧡🍋

From the vault: “my yellow mirror II”, oil on canvas, 18x24. Also: my bike, me.

see all comments

user1 I just came expecting more Max honestly

user2 SAME

user3 the only thing interesting on this page

user4 ok seeing her now I get why Max let her paint him like that😂 shes cute

user5 paint me like one of your french girls- max, probably

yourfriend beautiful as always Yn🥹🫶 only focus on that

liked by yourusername and maxverstappen1

yourusername thanks bby🫶

user6 oh girl stop being so dramaticcc

user7 drop the painting of the car instead, this is boring

user8 i get it know, date rich so you can afford to do your silly paintings🤯

maxverstappen1 just lovely

this comment has been deleted

comments on this post have been disabled

( messages )

( instagram )

inthef1paddock

liked by fanuser and 876.334 others

inthef1paddock Max Verstappen and girlfriend Yn Ln caught together after she arrived to Melbourne for the Australian GP.

The driver had to ask through his instagram stories for fans to respect their privacy and Yn’s career after people flooded her social media with disrepectful comments, he did so by posting this selfie.

Mean comments will be deleted.❤️

see all comments

user1 People are so rude, its obvious they love each other

user2 Oh that hug🥹 what a lucky girl

user3 Did you see the video? He RAN to her, shes blessed

user4 idk she still seems weird…

lando.jpg

liked by yourusername, danielricciardo and 698.442 others

lando.jpg 🇦🇺 nights

tagged charlesleclerc, maxverstappen1 and yourusername;

see all comments

user1 last photo made me SCREAM, MAX???

user2 Lando is so crazy for this lol

user3 From Charles dropping it low to a hard launch he knows his public

charles_leclerc 😎😎

yourusername 🕺🕺📸📸

charles_leclerc You mean 💋💋📸📸?

maxverstappen1 Lando wont post those because he is lonely and he will cry

landonorris mate thats not true

yourusername its ok to be single lando we dont care you cried to our happy photos

landonorris I did NOT cry 🤢 you guys made me sickkkkk

charles_leclerc sick to tears

maxverstappen1 😂😂

landonorris Stoppp

landonorris Dont know what its worse, the kissy photos or the porn paintings

yourusername not porn🖕

maxverstappen1 Dont be rude🖕

yourusername I will paint you crying now idc you crybaby

landonorris Sure😂

charlesleclerc Famous last words

user4 its ok Lando I will take 💋 pictures with you

user5 me toooo, I volunteer 🤩

maxverstappen1 Please send me the rest of Yn’s photos👍

liked by landonorris and 5021 others

user6 oh wow i get lando now this is so sweet its sick😭

yourusername

liked by maxverstappen1, charlesleclerc and others

yourusername “Lando Norris, the crybaby”, oil on canvas, 24x30.

Prints will be available online soon🧡

see all comments

user1 Oh she ate this one up😭😭

landonorris NO YN

landonorris YN THIS IS SO MEAN

landonorris why would you do this😭😭 I didnt think you were serious

yourusername See, crybaby

carlossainz55 Dont worry Landito you dont look too bad

landonorris 😭😭😭

user3 LMFAO THIS IS SO FUNNY

user2 the devil work fast, but yn works faster

danielricciardo Jesus how much for this one, I will give ANYTHING

charlesleclerc No man ask for your own, this one is mine

maxverstappen1 This is not leaving my house👍 good luck

charles_leclerc WHAT? NOT FAIR, YN I WILL PAY TOO MUCH

danielricciardo Whatever he pays I will give double

yourusername Sorry its been bought already

charles_leclerc ???

mclaren Thank you Yn, this will look great in our hall 🧡🧡

yourusername 🧡🫶

landonorris WHAT

charles_leclerc oh my god

landonorris NO WAY

user4 SOLD TO MCLAREN? this is a fever dream

user5 I, too, want a portrait of me kissing max verstappen

user6 I respect Yn so much, cause she went from making tittie art of her bf to paint their friend crying while they makeout in the background

maxverstappen1 Lovely😂

maxverstappen1 Can I request one but without the crybaby?

yourusername I have a few already 🤔 whats one moree

user7 DROP THEM, I KNOW YOU HAVE THE HOT ONES TOO

charles_leclerc Dont drop them please think of the children

yourusername wow youre so boring

maxverstappen1 Make fun of him on a painting for that baby

danielricciardo I will pay for that one this time

charles_leclerc God no have mercy

yourusername dont worry i wont do that, being a ferrari driver is punishment enough

charles_leclerc 😐

landonorris LOL DESERVED

maxverstappen1 Love you my Yn❤️❤️

yourusername love you too🥹🥹

——

a/n: Thank you for reading!!! I might do a second part to this fic, I think there is so much more to do with the plot so if anyone is interesed make sure to stick around❤️🥹 My inbox is now open if anyone has suggestions or ideas they want to se me writw!

[carmenized-onions]

Something to Do. | Catering

logline; Itinerary for your trip to New York? Just try not to fucking cry.

[!!!] series history, this is the twelfth; gonna start season three after I post this. Wonder how bad it's gonna throw off the rest of my plot line. Ideally not at all. We'll see.

Spotify Playlist, if you like to listen while you read. I listen to it when I write :) Constantly gettin’ added to. I really like this playlist for all chapters, but for a wedding where music is blasting, it feels particularly fitting.

portion; 13.3k how does this keep happening.

possible allergies; Terrible self-image, everything feels bad, very real conversations abt ,,, self-death and addiction.

pairing; Carmen ‘Carmy’ Berzatto & Fem Reader (gets referred to as a woman and other feminine honourifics but no pronouns, i believe)

i made you all so mad last chapter. Let's see if i can make it up to you, babydoll (probably wont)

You hate to admit it, but you were kind of relieved when you found out Carmen wasn’t coming on the plane. You’re in a bit of a state of fight or flight; well, more accurately, currently leaning towards the flight side— Pun intended.

He’s coming to the wedding. You know he is. For one, he’s getting thirty grand for this, he has to. For two, his location is still on for you— Whether he forgot to turn it off or just didn’t care, you’re not sure. But he hates you, so there’s no way it was intentional, you’re certain about that much.

You know you shouldn’t be looking at it, but you have. You’ve been looking all week. Checking your Find my Friends like a doting mother. He goes to work far too early, he stays far after close, he goes home. Rinse and repeat.

You check on him one last time before boarding the plane. He’s opted to drive, with Richie. Something about ‘wanting to bring their personal equipment’, Richie texted you. They’re halfway through Ohio. You’re sure that road trip is definitely going spectacular after their side of the explosion.

Richie texted the day after that fucking fiasco, asking if you’d want updates on how it’s going at The Bear. How it’s going with Carmen. You said you wanted to know if he wanted to tell. He opted not to tell.

You hate to admit, you were kind of relieved, to not know. To just look at Carmen’s little icon go from Point A to B. Instead of Carmen Reports, you and Richie text about much lighter things. Normal things. Eva drew a funny picture of you kinda things. It’s nice. You know you’re probably being childish, but it feels so much fucking better to ignore the Bear in the room. You don’t know how to feel about anything, and frankly you don’t want to try to figure it out.

You suck, Carmen sucks, what more is there to know? Process it? Fuck that.

Carmen hasn’t texted you; you haven’t texted him, the entire week. Radio silence. You stopped playing Connections. Didn’t see a point. Not like they even have a streak function anyways— You’d die before you let that Wordle streak break, though. That was your thing. Carmen doesn’t get to take your things, too.

You didn’t get a text from the Exec, either. So that’s… Something? Or, rather, explicitly, that’s nothing. Does that mean Carmen gives a shit? Not necessarily. Ugh. Your whole system was so shocked after that fucking fight that you didn’t really have time to take in the fact that that jag was into you? Vomit inducing. You’ve got to rethink your life choices, if they lead you to him. 

But also, you know if Carmen and you were okay right now, you probably would’ve given him your number. You would’ve catfished him for weeks, laughing over your phone with Carmen and Syd as this idiot falls into your trap. You miss Carmen. You also don’t miss Carmen. You want to see him desperately and also never fucking look at him again.

Carmen’s going to be in the kitchen; you’re going to be out in the banquet hall, on bar, this whole wedding. The likelihood either of you have to actually interact this weekend is quite low. The likelihood either of you have to confront what you’re supposed to do with yourselves now is quite low. You hate to admit it, you’re fucking relieved.

Sydney sleeps on your shoulder, for most of the plane ride. You sleep against her head. Shout out Marcus, for switching seats. He’s behind you, with Tina. He wakes both of you up about an hour in, shaking your seats— Because the dessert cart came out and he didn’t want either of you to miss it. The mini cheesecakes are better than expected, to be fair, so he’s forgiven.

This is going to be the stupidest weekend of your life. You’ll take that, over worst, at least.

“Be honest, would you tip me extra well?”

You give a twirl in your probably too fancy semi-cultural outfit. Your family shows up for weddings, if Vinnie and Mira didn’t want their bartender to go hard, they should’ve put that in their notes. It actually would have been nice to get sent notes, though… What is the theme for this wedding other than ‘Italian’ and ‘New York’…? Glitter eyeshadow is probably fine, right? Yeah it’s fine. Not like you could get that shit off now, anyways.

“If you were my bartender, I would ask ‘what are we?’” Answers Syd, watching you from the bathroom as she attempts to put her hair up. Definitely struggling in silence.

Sharing a hotel room was the best idea you ever had. It would be a nightmare to get ready alone in silence, right now. It’s nice to talk and have something to do. If you didn’t, you’d absolutely be ruminating about Carmen, debating whether or not to check on his room, that’s just down the hall, you could see if he needed help with getting ready and also see if he’s as tired as you think he is and— Plus, the amount you saved on splitting a one bed? Christ. Economy is in shambles. So is your brain.

“You would not be brave enough to ask your bartender ‘what are we?’”

“For you, I would.”

“Are we about to kiss, bro?” You duck into the bathroom, getting way too close to the side of Syd’s face. She laughs, pushing you away with the palm of her hand, you scoff, “Wooowwww—”

You clutch your heart, mortally wounded. Retching, truly. Now this is heartbreak in its rawest form. “—Reject me, why don’t you?”

“I’m playing the role of timid—” “I’m sick of this friends to lovers plot line!” “It adds! It adds!”

“Shut up— And tilt your head back, dumbass, what are you doing?” You stand behind her, taking her braids into your hands as she struggles to bundle them all herself.

“I do this all the time by myself, y’know.” So Syd says, but she lets you take her braids regardless.

“Yeah, but I’m here.” You stretch the hairband on your fingers. “Messy bun?”

“You think?”

“I think primal is too clean.”

“No, I was gonna do the one where it does like— Like the infinity in the front?”

“Who’s mom are you tryna fuckin’ look like?”

She kisses her teeth, attempting to reach a hand behind her head to smack you. You dodge and somehow manage to make it easier to smack you. “I’m literally only gonna get to come out after everyone’s left, I dunno why we’re making effort here—”

“High messy bun?” “High messy bun.”

Oh, the days of doing each other’s hair. You’re glad it’s back. You’re glad you get to become, together, again. It used to be bobbles, friendship bracelets, and glitter tattoos—but now it’s tying up each other’s hair, helping with the curling iron, clasping the gold chains on your neck, zipping up the back of your outfit, pinning the collar pins on her uniform, fixing makeup, asking each other to compare perfumes before going through with the final decision, mocking each other’s purchases.

“Wait, what mini deodorant did you get at customs?”

“Oh, one of those Native ones— I think it’s peach—?”

“Those cost like five fucking dollars, Ink. For like two swipes.”

“Excuse me for wanting to smell good, fuckin’ ‘wolfthorn’—”

“I work in a restaurant. I need Old Spice strength, okay—!”

“Oh, pbbbttt— Syd.”

“Pbb—Fuck, how do you do that?”

There’s a knock at the door, interrupting your squabble. “Are you decent?!”

Sydney groans, “No!”

“Yes, Rich, we’re decent, doors open.”

Richie comes in, unceremoniously. A touch awkward. He’s so rarely been in a room with women getting ready. It’s simultaneously exactly what he expected, and not at all what he expected. “Chip, can you put these fuckin’ things on f’me?”

Cufflinks. He presents the box to you. They’re just plain and silver, boring. Save that in your rolodex of gifts to get this Christmas. “You’re fuckin’ forty and you don’t know how to put on some cufflinks—?”

You’re nagging, but you’re already putting them on him, he holds his wrist out for you. “Nah, I was too busy runnin’ shit to learn.”

“Runnin’ your mouth, more like.”

“Yeah, yeah.” It’s a quiet moment, a tender moment, of adjusting his sleeves. Sydney’s scrambling to clean up the room around you two in the background. It’s hard to turn off the autopilot of cleaning one’s station, no matter where she goes.

You purse your lips. You shouldn’t ask and you shouldn’t care, but you do. You half-whisper, to Richie. “How was the drive?” He knows what you’re asking.

“Terrible start. Surprisingly okay middle. He went straight to the banquet hall once we got here.” He swallows, treading carefully, a thing Richie never does. “Do you wanna know the dirty details?”

Oh good, you wouldn’t be able to check on his room even if you wanted to. You want to. Need to? Stop thinking. Carmen sucks and you suck. 

“Not particularly.” You take one final look at his sleeves, happy with your handiwork, letting his wrists go. “You feel settled, though? Or jury’s still out?”

Richie shrugs, tilting his head back and forth. “Grovelled decent enough, by time we hit Penn. But I’m waitin’ on my informer.”

You cringe, knowing what he means. You also know he’d smack you if you said he doesn’t need your say in order to forgive Carmen. “It’s gonna be a minute, until your informer has an answer.”

“I know.” He nods, twisting his wrists back and forth, looking at the cufflinks. Then he gives you a once over. “Y’look good.”

“You too.” You look over him, he does look good. He’s in his suit, wearing his wedding ring, which makes your heart hurt a little bit, but he does look good. “What’s your fuckin��� job tonight, by the way?” He can’t be doing kitchen. He sucks at kitchen. But he’s also just not dressed for it.

“Fuckin’ everything.” Hyperbolic? Typically yes, with Richie, but not this time.

“Wait staff here had too high a fee—”

“Translation: more than free?”

“More than free, yeah.”

“Heard.”

“So, I’m server, set up, and fuckin’ whore-derve—”

“What?” That pronunciation snaps Sydney out of her autopilot clean, her back snaps up straight. Hands on her hips, like a disappointed teacher. “It’s hors d’oeuvres.”

Richie rolls his eyes and really his whole head back. “Just because you went to the fuckin’ CIA or whatever the fuck—”

You interrupt the fight before it can start. “Let’s just say appetizers.”

Sydney does not let you. “Apps and hors d’oeuvres are different.”

You angle your body from Richie to her, deadpanning. “Just because you went to the fuckin’ FBI or whatever the fuck—”

“Alright!” She’s already walking to the door, despite the fact that she started it— “We’ve gotta fuckin’ get to hall now or we’re gonna have like zero prep time, Chefs.”

You both follow after her, doing one last check to make sure you’ve got everything you need. You honestly don’t need to be in this much of a rush, you’re pretty sure, but you don’t mention that. Richie said Carmen just went straight to the banquet hall, when they came in this morning. You’re not sure how well you know him anymore, all things considered, but by your best guess, he’s almost certainly done all the prep by himself.

Carmen did not do the kitchen prep entirely himself. Well. He might’ve, you haven’t checked, but you don’t think he would’ve had the time.

Carmen did your prep entirely himself.

When you get to the bar, in the banquet hall, you have nothing to do. Side work finished for you. Lemons, limes, oranges— All cut into wedges and loaded in their baskets— even the cherries are pitted. The glasses are organized from wine to whiskey glasses, the sink is clean— Which you know the banquet hall staff didn’t do— They never fucking do.

You don’t see Carmen, but you know he did it. He showed up before anyone else, he was in the kitchen before anyone else— So no one else could’ve left the simple braised beef sandwich on your station. Exactly how Mikey used to make it. Half hot, half sweet. Your order at The Beef. Carmen would’ve done pork, but this is what they had on hand, and he had a feeling this would mean more, anyways. It does. Granola bar on the plate with it. One of the nice ones, too. The wrapping boasts fifteen grams of protein.

He knows how hard running bar is. He knows you won’t have time to eat once it starts. So, he’s making sure you get something down now— And that you have time to eat it in peace, and making sure you have something you can scarf mid-shift later, when you don’t have time.

Fucking. Hell. Fuck this fucking guy. Carmen fucking sucks. You fucking suck. This all fucking sucks so much. This sandwich is so fucking good. You’re so fucking mad. Stop saying fuck. Fuck your subconscious for wanting you to stop saying fuck. It’s so unfair, for him to be maybe the cruelest a person could possibly be, in front of an audience made out of your loved ones, and then be sweet, like this.

He is awful, with words— Well, he’s typically better, with you, par for the last time, but he’s best in the kitchen. You can taste the sorrow, the guilt, the apology. The first thing he ever made you, was a sandwich, the brisket sandwich, that Mikey refined for you, as an apology, for freaking the fuck out in a freezer and having that be your first impression of him— Or, at least, first first-hand impression of him. How far you’ve come.

This will not pass, as an apology. Not a proper one. But… You’ll give him a sign, in return, at least. A confirmation that you got the message, nothing more. Definitely nothing more.

“Rich.” You stop the guy in his tracks, as he marches through the room, helping the rest of the staff set up the hall. Not his job, but it’s Richie. “Can you ask kitchen their shifties?”

He nods, like he understands, walking away with stacks of chairs under both his arms.

He comes back after two minutes, straight up to your bar. “What the fuck is a shifty?”

“Oh.” You feel condescending, for being surprised. You’d never really thought about the huge difference between morning servers and night servers until right now. Richie has never worked with a bar staff. He worked at a fucking sandwich shop. “It’s uh— Your drink. Get a drink on your shift— Shifty— It can be like, a cocktail, a straight, a shot, coffee—”

“I know how many fucking drinks exist, Chip—” “Mocktail, smoothie, juice—” “Yeah, I’ll get a Pina Colada.” “I will break the blender over your head.” “I’ll get you a list.”

You nod, already starting on usuals you know will have remained unchanged since your absence. Steel trap memory. Getting drinks with The Beef staff used to be the highlight of your week, which isn’t a sad statement at all.  “I won’t tell anyone you like Dirty Shirleys.”

He defends. “Eva put me on them.”

“Insane thing to say about your five-year-old.”

“You know what I meant— She likes the normal—” “I’m pokin’ fun, go give this to Carmen.”

You’re hoping if you say it fast, coupled with bickering, Richie won’t make mental note of it. Won’t register it. Of course, he still does. How could he not? You slide the mug to him; he takes it, though, slow, with a perplexed look.

Yeah. They had lavender and maple syrup behind the bar. And cardamom. And milk to froth. And black coffee. Whatever. You didn’t have any dried lavender to top it with, this time, so it’s not actually that cool, anyways. Doesn’t make it special. Did you do a maple syrup drizzle to make up for this? Yeah. You hate yourself just a little bit, for it. You really cannot shut off the way you love, can you? Hopeless. Be even the slightest bit withholding, would you? Just a touch petty? God, you suck. Such a princess.

Rich shrugs, when you don’t try to justify yourself. You’re an adult, he won’t coerce you to be sharper, even if you should be. “Aye aye, Chippy.”

If Carmen ends up wanting to drink later, then he’ll have to come to you. That’s being tough, right? Sure. That’s definitely withholding, Chip. Really showed Carmen there. Certainly, a church woman must be clutching her pearls at your backbone, somewhere in the world.

Do you think you’d be able to handle him coming to your bar, anyways?

No. Decidedly no. Which is a bit stupid, because you’ve faced much scarier things in your life, than some asshole you owe two grand. Well, some asshole you owe two grand that you love deeply that hates you deeply because you are in some part responsible for not taking care of his brother—

Carmen doing your side work was unintentionally cruel, honestly. You don’t have anywhere for your brain to go but him. Don’t have anyone to talk to, or anything to do. Richie can tell and whether you want him to or not; he knows what you need. He repeats himself, walking off with the mug. “I’ll get you your list.”

He knows what you need. Something to do. Something to fix, for someone. Not fix someone. People’s princess. Still failed Mikey, no matter how hard you tried.

Sprite, grenadine, vodka, lime, maraschino cherries. Dirty Shirley. Something to do. Just focus on something to do.

You miss the naivety of wanting something to do. Three hundred guests versus one bartender without a barback is a layer of hell that Dante forgot to specify in his Inferno.

“What can I fix for you, ma’am?!” You’ve got to yell every sentence to get anything intelligible over the music and the cacophony of conversations.

There is an overlap of voices from every single woman crowding around your bar, despite the fact that you were definitely making explicit eye-contact with just one of them. You lean over the counter to hear her alone. She blinks, when you get in her face.

“What are we?”

You cannot stop the snort, but you’re pretty sure she didn’t hear it, music's too loud to hear anything. Syd’s a fucking oracle. “We’re fucked. What can I get for you?”

“Lemon drop shot?” Of course. It’s New York.

“Comin’ right up—”

The crowd of women interrupt you, and each other. “Oh, make that two!” “Make that three!” “Wait what are we making?”

Who the fuck is we? They’re more than welcome to get behind the bar with you. You’d take anyone, at this point.

“Lemon drops, babe!” “Oh—Oh, we doin’ lemon drops?” “Let’s just say ten and be safe!”

Of course.

It’s a lot of that, on repeat. But it’s better than the ones that want one very specific brand of scotch with their soda, because at least you can make huge batches for these ones— Does no one know how to fucking act around an open bar anymore? You get a vodka cran and you fuck off. You really need to start telling people you don’t know how to make bellinis.

Working alone is hard, because you can tell when you turn your back to make drinks, and aren’t able to take twenty more orders at the same time, that everyone’s real fucking annoyed with you. You have tried splitting your cells to become a second person, didn’t work. You’re constantly spinning around to accommodate people, and it’s getting fucking nauseating. And you’re usually patient, but the questions are getting just as mind-numbing.

“Can I get a uh… A negroni… Sbagliato? With prosecco?” “Sbagliato means prosecco is in it, sweetheart.”

“Do you do hurricane shots?” “I’m happy to slap you, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Oh, so it’s open bar?” “Yeah.” “So, I don’t have to tip, either?” “Well— It’s appreciated— Oh, and you’ve already walked away. Okay.”

It’s a lot of that, on repeat.

You see from twenty feet away, amidst the crowds, Uncle Jimmy walking towards your bar, and when he waves all friendly, he sees your glower, and opts to turn in the other direction. Smart man. No wonder he’s successful.

Richie swings by your bar, waiting at the corner, where the line hasn’t congregated. You don’t need to be shaking this martini for as long as you are, but it’s a good way to look like you’re working when you’re just trying to talk to Richie. He presents his serving tray to you. “Tiny quiche?”

You open your mouth, hands full with your shaker. He gets the point, stabbing a toothpick into the appetizer and shoving it in your mouth. Oh God, food is beautiful. Food is what sustains. You could write a full book of poetry right now about why food is everything. Well, not everything. You’re still in hell.

“Richie, I’m dying, your job can’t be that important, come be barback.” You pour out the martini. You attempt to open the jar of olives by yourself, when you struggle, Richie puts his tray down and grabs the jar from you.

Thankfully for your pride, he’s also struggling with it. Plus, it gives you time to annihilate the tray of quiches. He shakes his head, his job is important, allegedly. “You want me to starve guests?”

“Ideally? Yes.” You ignore the dirty looks you get from eavesdropping patrons. He hands you the opened jar. You take a toothpick from his tray, since you’re already out of yours, pierce an olive, toss it in the martini, and pass it to someone— Quite frankly, there’s every chance that’s not the guy that ordered the dirty martini, but he takes it, so who gives a fuck.

Richie sighs, he does want to help. “I’ll ask kitchen if they can cut someone.”

Thank fucking God. “Ask Marcus, he’s got mixology experience or some shit.” You remember being occasionally impressed by his verbiage— At the very least, he knows what stuff is back here, and that’s enough for you.

Richie just shakes his head, lips in a line, when you mention Marcus. A universal sign that something has gone horrifically wrong. You furrow your brows, immediately worried, leaning forward. “What happened?”

“Excuse me! What’s it take to get a long-island iced tea around here? This open bar is not very open!”

You and Richie both grimace, at the thick Jersey accent on this woman waving her hand hysterically at your bar. He gives you a nod, already taking his empty tray and starting to walk back to the kitchen. “I’ll ask.”

You turn your body to the woman, but head still to Richie. “Don’t ask. Tell.”

Not even five minutes pass, before you get a barrage of texts, from multiple people, all at once. You watch them flood in on the notification screen of your phone laying on the counter, while shaking up a cosmo, this time.

From Marcus, worrying. ‘sorrysorysorrybakkingemergencymbmmbmb’

From Syd, concerning. ‘couldn’t stop him lmk if it’s bad’

From Richie, alarming. ‘yk how to call your dog right’

But it all makes sense, when Carmen comes up to your bar, removing his apron. “You need a barback?”

Hair is normal. Not at its best, not how you taught him, but it’s better than before. He smells excessively like you; like accidentally used half the bottle levels like you. Maybe not an accident. Don’t read into it, too much— They’re almost certainly the only travel sized bottles he had on hand. Of course he’d take them. He smells like Old Spice, too, though. Don’t read into it. He looks tired. You knew he would. You’ve watched his location, every day. By the time you go to bed each night, he’s only just left The Bear. He deserves to feel tired, he was a fucking asshole, and you’re glad your cat ate just short of all of his flowers.

But you brought in the plate, the next morning. You cleaned it, and then hid it in the back of your dishwasher. You wanted it to be safe, you also just didn’t want to look at it or think about it or have it exist in your mind, at all. That’s half the reason you couldn’t let it perch outside your window anymore. Taunting you. He’s a piece of shit, but you can feel it in your chest; the care you cannot get rid of. The desire to ask are you okay? Have you been sleeping? How are you? How’s your week been? Want a hug? Have you been playing Connections? What did I do wrong? Did you need me? Did anything break? Did you break?

You missed him. Was the radio silence relieving? Yes. Preferably, you’d never acknowledge each other for the rest of your lives besides an eventual wire transfer. Preferably, he’d stay in the back of your dishwasher for the rest of your life. But God, you missed him, this week. You’ll probably miss him for the rest of your life. Is that toxic? You’re working on it. No you’re not… He just made every space easier to breathe in, kept a light on, for you. Not at the end, but he did before. Before he figured out that he hates you.

It’s a thing that everyone says about you, that you bring ease, and whether you can confirm or deny that, who’s to say— But you know Carmen does it for you. Lights up a room for you. And you might be alone in that feeling, but that’s okay with you. Or it was. It was, before he figured out he should hate you.

Oh, shit, you’ve been staring at him in silence for way too long. It’s hard to know how to navigate this. You don’t know how to feel, so you don’t know how to act either. It’s all a weird state of limbo that you desperately want to get out of, but don’t want to do any of the work required to do so. What do you do with your hands? Your body? Your voice? Are you supposed to be funny and nice still? Christ, just say something. What’d he ask, again? Can’t remember.

“Uh…” Still can’t remember, but— “What’s happening with Marcus?”

He seems to falter, slightly, but he comes into your bar, oh right, barback. You needed a barback. He exchanges his kitchen apron for a bar apron. Not used to seeing him wear all black. You wish you could enjoy it. Wish you could say it’s cool watching him act as one of your professions. He answers, as he ties the strings around his waist. “Uber dropped their wedding cake.”

Fuck whatever tension you two have. You nearly fold over in shock. The current track on the speakers fades out, right as you yell back, “They dropped their fucking wedd—!?”

With haste, Carmen puts the palm of his hand over your mouth. Knife tattoo hand. Oh, he missed being this close to you. Not the point here, though. “Shhhhhhh…!”

You relax, he removes his hand, you’re annoyed that you wish he didn’t. You whisper, though it’s still screeching in tone. “They dropped their fucking wedding cake?”

He nods, combing his hair back with his hand. Knife tattoo hand. It’s making your shampoo waft. You both notice it. He stops. “Marcus is remaking one, now.”

“From scratch?” You were right to be so worried; Richie was right to make the face he did. Carmen tilts his head back and forth. “Box mix that he’s finessing—”

You finish the sentence with him, “—Because he’s Marcus.” The king of doing too much, especially when there’s no time for it. It’s his best and worst trait.

He nods, smiling just slightly, but not the typical smile you get from him. Timid. “Yeah, so he’s locked in, but I’m here.”

Simple sentence, but it still schisms your brain. You cannot help but feel a distrust of it. “Shouldn’t you be running the back, though?” Keeping his kitchen in order? Being the Exec in his head?

He shakes his head. “They run a tight ship without me just fine.” The first lesson you gave to him, that that’s a good thing. Is this conversation hitting specific pain points on purpose as a punishment from God or is this just how all your conversations are going to feel, from now on?

Probably both. You nod. “Okay.” You do need a barback.

“This is so cute, girl, and I love love but I’m gonna need that Cosmo like yesterday.” Why did this woman have to say love? That would already be terrible if you were good right now. Carmen’s probably not the type of guy to say the L word for like several months anyways. You’re not even dating anyways— Or weren’t? Can you use past-tense on something that never was?

You hand her the Cosmo, and you both pretend you never heard her.

Running bar with Carmen makes your life infinitely easier, though albeit tenser. He hasn’t done this before, but he’s watched previous bar staff from the sidelines— And one of his best traits is how quick he catches on to things. He’s not confident enough to mix drinks, but everything else, he does just fine.

“Behind.” There’re occasional autopilot moments that make you laugh, though. He snaps back into his body, when you do, moving next to you. He tilts his head, “What, you don’t say behind?”

You shrug, and it feels normal, for a second. “Professionals probably do, I’ve never worked in a place that does, though.”

“But what about when you’re holdin’ shit?” You allow yourself to feel normal, for a second. It is a delight to teach him something about your work. You continue to make drinks and hand off orders, all while you both speak. It reminds you of the domestic flow you were both so used to doing. That was so easy for you both to fall into. It’s nice that it somehow hasn’t gone away.

“So, you know when you’re in the kitchen, or here, behind bar, you get like, really fucking hot?” Don’t let that entendre stay doubled— “Like sweaty?”

“Mhm?”

You hold onto your chilled shaker, stepping behind him, “So, we don’t say behind, we—” and press it just under the back of his neck. He shivers, immediately, full shock running through his system. “Do that.”

“Christ!”

You want to enjoy the moment, but you can’t help but remember him calling you a modern-day saviour. You try to push it down, but the warmth you were starting to feel tones down, quite a bit. You manage to keep him from noticing, manage to keep the smile on. “What, don’t like it? It’s nice!”

“Think it’s a safety concern, f’sure.”

“Call OSHA.” You touch the shaker to his face, before going to pour it. He laughs. Actually laughs. You wish that made you feel good, still. And somewhere, in some corner of yourself, it still does. But not like it did before.

Soon enough, you two get a second of reprieve, as Vinnie’s Best Man gets up to do his speech, or whatever. He uses a knife to clink his glass, and of course, it fucking shatters. You’re half-mad, because technically for the night, those are your glasses, but it’s too funny to actually give a shit. Plus, the Best Man gets a pass tonight, in your book, because one, he understood protocol and got a vodka cran from you, and two, his speech is forcing everyone to sit down and leave y’all the fuck alone.

“Beautiful night, beautiful couple, beautiful people— Couldn’t ask for a better weddin’ for my best friend— But let’s be honest, I didn’t think he’d be gettin’ a wedding at all— Aye! This guy Vin, amirite?”

You take this moment to halve your protein bar from Carmen. You wordlessly hand the other half to him. He shakes his head. “M’Good, you eat.”

 You shove it towards him. You know he hasn’t eaten much, you don’t know how, but you just know. “I’ve eaten twelve tiny quiches and a beef sandwich, Carm, take the fuckin’ granola.”

He breathes heavily through his nose, but he takes it. You both watch the Best Man, quietly eating your halves. He is silently overjoyed at the verbal confirmation you ate the sandwich.

“I don’t need to introduce my goddamn self, I’m sure my reputation precedes me, right? But I’m Leo, I’m my boy’s Best Man, and I just couldn’t be more honoured, y’know? We grew up together, playin’ stickball in the Bronx, and now this guy’s marryin’ one of the most wonderful women in the world? And I get to be here? Man, I love ya.”

As cranky as you’ve been all night, this really is a gorgeous wedding. More often than not, the guests are nice, it’s just that the shit ones stick out in your head like nails to be hammered. Vinnie and Mira seem like a good couple. You wonder if you’ll ever get to have a wedding like this. They commissioned one of those painters to do a live painting, too. Always wanted one of those. And they’ve got little gift bags for the guests. You’re taking notes, internally, of what you like here, what you’d want to do for your own.

You wish you and Carmen were talking, right now. Despite the fact that Leo’s voice is booming throughout the hall’s speakers, the silence between you feels deafening, because you both know that you would be talking right now, if you weren’t living in fucking limbo. You need to work. You need something to do. The ice basket is running low, refilling it will take at least two minutes and maybe holding the ice will shock your nervous system.

You grab a bag of ice from the freezer behind you both, Carmen pretends to be listening to the speech, because he doesn’t feel like he has the right to help you with the weight. You cut the bag, emptying huge chunks of ice into the basket. You ball up the plastic in your hands to throw out; you nod to Carmen. “Can you break the ice?”

He seems surprised, taking a second, before nodding, crossing and uncrossing his arms. “I owe you an apology—”

“Oh, no!” You hastily correct. “No— Yes but no— I— I meant—” You hand him the metal scooper, nodding to the clumped-up ice you just poured out. “I meant can you break the literal ice blocks?”

Carmen wishes he has dead. And you can both tell that. “Yes. Yes— Yeah, f’sure, one-hundred— Course. Heard.” You nod back, pensive, throwing the plastic bag out, staring straight ahead, trying to refocus on Leo again. You can’t.

Carmen beats the ice, softly, so as to not make a noticeable noise for the audience. After a few seconds, he returns to his point. “…I do owe you an apology, though—”

“Don’t even worry about it, Carmen.” You don’t say this. Fak does. He sidles up to the bar. Where he keeps apparating from and hearing your conversations, you’re really not sure. “I’ve got this one.”

Neither you or Carmen know what Fak thinks he’s got, here, but you’re both too intrigued or surprised to stop him. Well, Carmen does give it a fair shot, after a second, “Fak, I’m—”

“Nono—” But there’s simply no chance. “I appreciate you trying to fix my problems for me, but y’know, I can handle myself, Carmen.” …You wish that’s what Carmen said, last Friday, instead of calling himself your charity tax write-off.

Fak pivots to you, sighing, shrugging, hands up, as if you know as well as he does what the fuck he’s about to say. You can’t tell if you’re supposed to be scared right now or not. When you don’t say anything, he starts, “Alright, I guess I’m the one that's brave enough to say it, there’s some major tension here.”

Now why does Fak think he’s the one to acknowledge this. Quite frankly, why is Fak here? Is he working, too? On what exactly? You don’t remember seeing him on the plane, either. Was he a part of the road trip? Dear God, that's a nightmare third wheel. You just let out a, “Huh?”

“Oh, come on, you haven’t shown up at The Bear since last Friday—” You’re now remembering that before the fight of all fights broke out that night, Fak ran out of the kitchen. Guess no one filled him in, after. “And like, this week, when something broke—” He nods to Carmen, who grimaces, hand over his face. “Carmy told me to fix it, instead of calling you, like he’d usually.”

You know you’re not allowed to be upset about that, and yet, you really fucking are. You’re Carmen’s fucking fixer. Or were? Fuck. Christ, are you jealous of Fak now? You turn your gaze just slightly to Carmen, who’s leaning over the counter, propping his head up on his hands. “What broke?”

He answers briefly. “Expo clock.”

It was extremely apt and even more upsetting for him, the way time literally stopped, when you left. When he made you leave.

You tuck your hands in your pockets, looking back to Fak. “You fix it?”

He shrugs. “Yeah.” Carmen stands back up, opening his mouth to intercept, Fak puts a hand in front of his face. “No Carm, I’ve gotta tell her the truth…” What.

“Tony…” Neil sighs, unable to make eye contact, at this moment. “I was really harsh on you, that Friday…”

“…Huh?” The fucking degree thing? Is that what he’s talking about? You honestly can’t remember anything before Carmen, from that night.

“You don’t need to hide your pain.” He nods solemnly, “I— I’m just gonna say it… I know it’s hard to believe, but I was… jealous.”

“I know.”

He ignores that you’ve said this entirely, “I know, I know, it’s crazy. Me? Jealous? But yeah, I was really good at hiding it, but you’re just really like smart, Tony, y’know? And everyone was like— Tony can fix this— Tony can fix that— And I was holding it together, but then you were good at serving, too. And it got to me— And obviously Carmen could tell, so he stopped calling you. Trying to be a true bro.”

Oh, Fak really doesn’t know what the fuck is going on, huh? “Of course there’s like, the other obvious tension in the room—” Oh okay, so he does know— “Between us.” What.

“What’s up?” You blink, voice going high for a second. Carmen cannot stop staring at Fak, face entirely unmoving, unblinking. Neither of you are sure what emotion to feel right now. Is Leo’s speech still fucking going? You’ve completely tuned it out, if it is.

Fak gestures to the air between you two. “Well like, there’s obviously a really intense sort of rivals to romance dynamic happening here…”

What.

“And like,” He raises his hands, in defense— Of what exactly? You couldn’t be less sure. “I could totally see that happening, in the future.”

It takes everything in you, to just hold your lips closed together. You have to bite down on your top lip, to not scream laugh in his face. “For sure, man.”

He nods, continuing, “But right now, I just don’t think I’m ready to take what you’re giving, y’know?” Holy shit, wait, is that how Carmen feels? Is that what the fuck is going on in his head? “Just not ready for all—” He gestures to you in general. “This.”

“Little harsh.” You tilt your head. “Fuckin’ cool it, Fak.” Carmen barks, in tandem with you. Oh, he’s upset. He wasn’t set on his emotions, this entire time, but he seems to have now settled in the upset category.

“Right.” Fak nods. “And so, I’m sorry I can’t be that for you… And I know it’s gonna take time to recover, but please come back to The Bear, when you’re ready. You’re… You’re a better repairman than me. We need you.”

You put a hand over your mouth, to cover your shit eating grin, trying your best to compose yourself and look sad. The best way out of this is to just agree with him. It’d take far too much energy to clarify everything for Fak. You’re nodding too much. “…Yeah, y’know, Fak… I will consider that. All those words you said? I’m gonna… Gonna really take all of it to heart, dude. I really appreciate… The directness— Y’know, that takes… Strength, man.”

“Thank you.” He nods. “Still friends?”

You did not realize you were even friends to start. And not in the insecure way, this time. You nod. “For sure, dude.”

You and Carmen both watch him walk away, in perplexed silence. Carm’s the first to break it. “…Was that anything—” “Obviously fucking not.”

He’s going to reply something witty in response, and it’s going to make you both feel like everything’s okay, again, but then he seems to see something that scares him straight. He turns to the back of the bar, aimlessly grabbing bottles, for no reason. Literally no reason, everyone sat for the speeches, what’s he doing—?

“You still serving?” Older man, oval glasses. He stands in front of your bar. Ah. Kinda rude of him, maybe that’s why Carmen’s giving the cold shoulder to this guy? Whatever. You'll serve him. Just because you're Chicago's Kindest doesn't mean everyone else has to be.

“Yessir, what can I fix for you?”

“Manhattan with bourbon?”

You salute, “Aye aye.” And get to mixing the drink. You’re pretty sure Carmen must know this guy, because he’s already set out the bourbon, vermouth, and angostura. It doesn’t take long to fix the drink.

When you go to hand it to the man, he seems to notice the mop of blond curls behind you. “Aye, Carmen? Jimmy told me you’d be workin’ tonight.”

A small, tentative, meek wave from Carmen. He sniffs. “Yeah. Hi, Uncle Lee.”

“Oh.” Is all you can say. Pulling the drink away from his hand, as Uncle Lee reaches for it. “You’re Uncle Lee?”

“My reputation precedes me?” He chuckles, nodding.

Carmen comes up beside you, and witnesses a smile from you that he’s never seen from you, and ideally hopes will never be directed at him. It’s the slowness of it, it’s a smile, but you’re doing it purely to bare your teeth.

“It sure does.” Give him a chance, it’s been four years, give him a chance. “I was a friend of Mikey’s.”

He fails the chance. “Ah… I see, friend, ya did a little—” He taps the side of his nose, sniffing. “Together?”

He really fucking fails the chance. Your smile grows, painfully so. The apples of your cheeks so high they practically close your eyes for you. You laugh a deeply fake laugh. “Hahaha, yeah, yeah, that’s exactly what we used to do. Uncle Lee.”

“Oh!” You tilt your wrist quickly, pouring the bourbon Manhattan in the bar sink. “Ah, fuck. Hand slipped.”

Lee is a bit taken aback. “Really—?”

“Really.” You repeat. Putting the glass down. “And y’know, I could remake that for you, but I dunno if you wanna trust my shaky junkie hands.”

Holy fuck. Carmen has always been great at keeping his reactions hidden, and still is, so Uncle Lee cannot tell how out of character this is, of you. You’re nice, you don’t bite— Or Carmy didn’t think you did, because of the amount of grace you gave him, last Friday.

“Lee, I’m gonna level with you.” You cross your arms, smile fading, but there’s still that venomous lilt in your voice. “I’ve been thinking for the last, I dunno, two years, what I’d say to you, if I had the displeasure of seeing you.”

There’s a pile of forks behind your bar, that you’d asked Richie for, just in case this situation came to a head. Just in case this fucking idiot came by. But it just doesn’t feel right, now. Doesn't feel right to leap over the counter and stab him in the neck with a fork. Though you've imagined it, and you still actively are.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.” You nod, looking around the venue. “But we’re at this beautiful wedding, and Vinnie and Mira don’t deserve to have their reception ruined by us causing a scene.” You gesture to the air between you, almost comical.

He shrugs, “Better than Mikey, in that regard, then.” You know what he’s referring to, despite not being there.

You nod, smiling real big now, really baring your teeth, now. “His fuckin’ house, Lee.”

“I could have your ass fired, y’know.” “So do it.”

You lean forward, elbows on the counter. “I’m not getting paid for this. Please, get me fired. Snitch to Uncle J, c’mon, fire me. I’m delighted to get cut. Do it.”

After what feels like eons of a silent stare down, Uncle Lee throws a fake punch. Carmen’s the only one that flinches, immediately rearing his own fist back, stopping short when Lee does.

You’re still just coy, elbows on the counter. Lee scoffs, “Cokehead.” Of course.

“Yessir.” You just lightly shake your head, standing up straight again, smiling, amused, delighted, even. “That’s me. That’s who I am.” It’s not, but there’s no point in arguing with him— Especially when you agreeing just seems to piss him off more.

You’ve given Lee nothing to work with, to insult you, so it takes him a moment to generate something. “You’re—”

You don’t let him get it out, putting a hand up for him to give it a rest. “Lee, I’m not startin’ a scene, it’s a gorgeous wedding.”

“Oh, how grown of you—” “But, if you wanna have a scene, just wait in the parking lot.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“You really think—” “I do. I do think, Lee.”

You lean forward, again, shrugging, speaking nonchalant, speaking with your hands, casually. “I wanna make it so clear, for you, too. I’m not gonna crack my knuckles, not gonna make some empty threats, not gonna scream in your face— I’m not gonna tell you I’m gonna kill you or anything like that. Because obviously, I wouldn’t do that.”

You nod, slowly, methodically, clearly. “What I am gonna say, is that I have been a bartender on and off since I was twenty-one. I was an E-M-T, for three years— All in our beautiful city of Chicago, Illinois. The sheer volume of geriatric white guys I have had to pull to the concrete in a full nelson in both professions— Insurmountable, Lee. So again, to be, so fucking clear, Lee— If I see you outside, I’m taking you to the fucking pavement, and I’m not getting off.”

Uncle Lee’s got no comeback, for this, but he’d be dead in the ground before he just lets someone have the last word. This is why Uncle Jimmy is more successful. “Oh, I’m sure you fuckin’ would.”

You grin. God, those forks are tempting. Resist. You keep your hands busy by grabbing a maraschino cherry from it's jar behind your bar to snack on. “Enjoy your night, Lee.”

“You’re a real fuckin’ bi—” A fork flies over his shoulder, clattering behind him. Not from you, from Carmen.

He speaks for you. “Enjoy your night, Uncle Lee.”

It feels good to be backed. Carmen’s here, and he’s on your team. You tack on, waving goodbye to the fucker, “Back lot, Uncle Lee.”

Lee pivots his gaze to Carmen, he rolls his eyes, disappointed. “Alright, Donna.”

Carmen goes for another fork, you stop his hand, holding it there, for a second. The metal clatters behind the counter. Lee’s pleased enough with the provocation. Men like him don’t leave until they’ve won something in their heads. He leaves, on his way to the punch bowl, since he’s determined he’s not getting shit from the bar tonight. You and Carmen just watch him, like prey, making sure he leaves without looking back.

“You’ve got teeth.” Carmen’s first to speak, cleaning a glass, both of you looking straight ahead. You nod.

“I do.”

“You don’t bite much.”

You shrug. “Try not to.”

Carmen considers the fact that what he wants to say would mean sticking his foot in his mouth. He then considers the fact that nothing he could say now will ever be worse than what he said then. He keeps rubbing away at a perfectly shining glass.

“You didn’t bite me.”

“I didn’t.” You nod, and your body goes on autopilot, as you start making a drink no one’s ordered. Just need something to do. “I couldn’t.”

He doesn’t like that answer. “I deserved it.”

“I deserved it, too.” You’re not a big fan of your own answer, either. But you can’t say it’s not true. You deserved it. Just some failure leech trying to reattach yourself to people through merry good deeds, as if they’d add up to fucking anything—

“No, you didn’t.” He pivots to you, tone inarguable. He puts the glass down. It’s a lowball, you need a lowball, you grab it from him.

“Do you like cognac or vodka?” You ignore his words, but you look him in the eyes. You regret it.

He lets you get away with it, because he is absolutely not the one allowed to lead the conversation, here. He did enough bulldozing, before.

“I dunno, I don’t really drink much.” You squint, you’ve seen his apartment. He clarifies. “Other than wine n’ beer.”

You nod. You opt for cognac. He watches you, for a moment, before asking. “What’re you—”

You’re already finished, by this point, sliding the glass over to him. “Black lavender latte. Cognac n’ coffee liqueur. If it’s too strong, let me know, I can add more milk.”

“Thank you, Chef.” Is all he can think to say. He takes a sip. It’s far behind in his long list of regrets, but certainly one of them in the way he spoke to you, is that there’s a strong chance he will never have a mixologist as talented as you working at The Bear.

“Hmm.” You hum, not watching him drink it, because you won’t be able to handle either reaction— You won’t be able to handle disgust nor pleasure. You never want to look at Carmen again. He’s also all you want to see. This sucks. You suck. Carmen sucks.

“Thank you for the coffee earlier, too.” You’re overjoyed at the verbal confirmation he drank it.

“Figured you’d need one.”

“I did.” He thinks about it, and decides to take the bullet. “Needed yours.”

Your breath hitches, and he can’t tell whether or not that’s a good thing. He doesn’t get the chance to ask, as a meek and overly sweaty man comes up to your bar. There are bar stools at your counter, though they’ve been tucked far under it to keep the flow of traffic moving. But the man points down to the stool, silently asking. You nod.

“You can sit, sir.”

He’s delighted. He sits. “Sorry, I’m not gonna sit long, I just uh— Just—” He turns around pointing to the Maid of Honour, who’s just gotten on the hot mic for her speech. “I uhm, it’s— Usually the bar is empty, when uh, when people are talking.”

“That they are.” You nod, smile soft. “Can I get anything for you, or d’you just wanna sit? No shame in that.”

“I— I, uh, if it’s not a bother— I was just wonderin’ if uhm— Totally fine, if it’s— If it is— Do uhm, do you— Do you do mocktails?”

Carmen watches you grow ten times softer, in demeanor. It’s wonderful, how you’re able to flip on a dime. It’s wonderful what you’re willing to give to people, when they deserve it. You nod. “Yeah, sir. What’s your drink?”

“Oh— I— Anything’s fine, really.” He plays with the loose strings on the cuff of his left sleeve.

You tilt your head, recognizing his nervousness. “If it’s not too personal, sir, are you…” You debate the best way to say it. “Taking twelve steps?”

He looks scared, initially, to be caught; but then he looks at your face, and he knows he has nothing to be worried about. He nods. “One— Two months, two weeks, one day.”

“That’s huge.”

He shrugs. “It’s a start.”

“A start is huge.” You emphasize, and he nods, because that’s inarguable. “What was your drink before? I can make a mocktail of that— Or maybe you’d prefer somethin’ total opposite?”

“Oh! Yeah, I uh, I liked uh, old-fashioneds, but you can’t really make those without whiskey—”

“Yeah, you can.” You’re already grabbing your shaker. “You just use barley tea. I can do that— If you want that.”

He thinks on it, for a second. Debates whether nostalgia is good or not. “Yeah, yeah I’d like that.”

While you work on it, the guy feels enough confidence, bestowed by you, to tell you about himself. “I liked sitting. That was the thing I liked about drinking. The sitting and the talking and the feeling good about it.”

“I hear that.” You watch the tea steep, nodding. “Reason why the phrase is ‘takes the edge off’.”

Carmen has to turn around. He’s listening intently, but he has to turn around. Again, he’s pretty good at hiding his tells, but you’re pretty good at reading them. And you’d be able to tell his flat expression is the equivalent of being absolutely fucking bug eyed on anyone else. You’re a bartender. You were a paramedic. You have seen so many people, on their worst day— Seen so many people like this guy, like his brother. You have taken care of so many addicts.

The number of times he said loser or junkie to your face, and the way that that was what you always fought back on. It will not stop replaying, in Carmen’s head. The way you think that wasn’t okay, but the way he spoke about you was. It’s all just nauseating. You’re so good to everyone but you. You defend everyone but you. Carmen's almost furious about this, though he doesn't feel he has the right to be. You should've treated him like Uncle Lee. He acted exactly like Uncle Lee. 

“It can make it easier, to be at the bar, for some people, I've found.” You continue, still making conversation with the man as you stir the steeped tea into the glass, over ice. “Makes you feel normal.” Forced sobriety is definitely in the top five, of the most ostracizing human experiences.

He nods, relieved to have someone. “Most people don’t get that.”

You nod, strain out the virgin old-fashioned, and push the glass to him across the counter. “Well, I get that.”

He takes a sip of the mocktail, it’s perfectly nostalgic in a way that doesn’t hurt. “Thank you.” He’s thanking you for a lot more than the drink. 

“A pleasure.” You nod. He stands up, tucking the stool back under the counter, as the speeches end. It won’t be long until the bar is crowded again, and he knows it’ll be too much, for him or you. You add. “Good luck with month three. It's a heavy one.”

“If you work it and you’re worth it.” He recites the line incorrectly on purpose, it’s an important one, but you both still laugh at it. Like an inside joke, practically. You give one quick dap, he puts a twenty in your tip jar, and walks off, with less sweat, and more spring in his step, this time. Good.

When he walks away, before guests start to stand, there’s a lull of silence. You don’t need to look at Carmen to know he has a million different thoughts, and a million more follow ups. 

“You have questions?”

“None of my business.” He sniffs, awkwardly. “Unless you want it to be.”

Why did he have to fucking say it like that. Why did he have to put the ball in your court. Carmen fucking sucks. Y’know what, no, turn it on his ass.

“Did you give the New York Exec my number?”

“No.” The reply is instant. He doesn’t get thrown by the topic change in the slightest. You were pretty sure you knew the answer, but the speed of it is still a little surprising. Like it wasn’t something that was ever up for debate.

“What’d you say to him, then?”

This is when he looks embarrassed, just slightly. This part was up for debate, seemingly. “We—”

“Everyone, please stay in your seats for just a moment, our wonderful catering crew will be coming around to serve you!” Says… Vinnie’s mom? Mira’s mom? They all kind of blend together. It’s not long after this, that Syd rolls by with Marcus and a cart of food. She’s starting with you, despite the fact that you’re not a guest. Sweetie.

“Salmon or chicken?”

“Just gimme both, we’ll split it.” You nod your head to Carmen. “Best of both worlds.”

And then, the game of eye contact conversation ensues. A game that Carmen nor Marcus can comprehend.

‘I asked you’ Syd glares.

‘You can’t just starve him out’ You deadpan.

‘Who said?’

“Syd.” You say aloud. She sighs, handing you both plates, mumbling ‘whatevers’, walking off to serve the actual guests. No time to bicker. You look to Marcus, worried. “Heard about the cake, how’s it goin?”

He shrugs but he’s smirking, proud and bad at hiding it, he hands you a paper plate with a little chocolate cupcake. The floral frosting job is simple, and you know if he had more time, you’d probably be looking at a full realistic rose, but it’s still beautiful. “You tell me. Taste test.”

“Lil sacrilege, to do dessert before dinner, but okay.” You grab a fork from your pile, digging in. “Oh fuck,” You have to laugh. “Marcus— You stress me the fuck out, how do you have time to make shit this good?”

It’s a built-in habit for you, to hand your fork to Carmen. He gives you a moment to realize or pull back. You should but you don’t. He takes it, thankful, and tries the cupcake for himself.

“S’fire, Chef.” He points the fork, emphatically. “‘Specially with what you had.”

“Thank you, Chef.” Marcus nods.

You tilt your head, curious, “Do you even have time to test, though? If this sucked you wouldn’t have time to remake the full cake anyways, would you?”

“No.” He answers bluntly, and you both snort. He adds, “Just wanted to make sure you got dessert, over here.” Just wanted to make sure you ate something.

“Marcus…” You pout, overcome by the sweetness of the sweets Chef. You’ve gotta return the favour. “Gin and juice still your go-to?”

“You tryna get me fucked up at work?”

You shrug, grinning. “Are you tryna get fucked up at work?”

He’s going to say yes, but then he pauses, and looks to his boss. Looks to Carmen. Ah, you don’t run his kitchen— Get that through your head. Of course, Marcus can’t just drink—

Carmen shrugs, smiling, “Are you tryna get fucked up at work, Chef?”

Marcus claps his hands, grinning. “Yessir!”

That makes you feel a little lighter. You nod. “Gin and juice, comin’ up.”

You pour out the pineapple juice— Marcus’ preferred juice, of course you remembered. And Marcus leans over the bar, to watch you stir in the gin, even if it’s just a stupid simple drink, the guy loves to learn.

He asks, “How much they payin’ you, tonight?”

You shake your head, “Tips. Nothin’ else.”

Carmen’s ears burn, at that, while he evenly divides and plates out the salmon and chicken plates so you both have a little of everything. If things were normal you could just eat off each other's plates.

Marcus tilts his head, just as surprised. “You in debt, too?”

“Just to Mikey.” You smile, shaking your head. “No, I’m doin’ this in exchange for Uncle J getting me out of work early, a couple weeks back.”

“That’s it?”

“I was in a rush.” You shrug, measuring out the simple syrup. “Got like thirty missed texts from Syd, I thought someone fuckin’ died, didn’t have time to bargain.”

“Wait—” Marcus cannot help but grin, nearly laughing, at the ridiculousness of it, at how bad you got fucked over, by your own permission. “You’re here because you… left work… to go deliver Nat’s baby?”

“Yessir.” Are you fucking serious? Carmen can’t help but stare at the side of your head, for just a few seconds, before going back down to the plates. You’re in this hellscape of a bar, three states from your home, because you were delivering his niece? You did that for them already, and promised yourself for this, in order to do that?

“You know me,” You hand Marcus his glass, and you shouldn’t make the joke, but you can’t help yourself. “Modern day Christ.”

Marcus stifles down his snort, turning his head away from Carmen, to look at the ground. You do the same. There is something painful, about it all, for everyone; but Carmen can’t say that pain isn’t deserved, on his end, so he takes it. You’re allowed to joke about it all you want, if that’s what it takes for you to feel lighter.

A timer goes off on Marcus’ phone. He takes a sip from his gin and juice, nodding in approval, “Oh, shit— Alright, cool times up—” He lifts the glass to you, you hurriedly get the point and grab a random empty cup to clink with him, cheers.

“I’ll be back.” He says. Doubtful, you think. But you nod and wave him off nonetheless.

“If T needs a drink, tell her to take five.” You haven’t seen her tonight, but you realize yourself, again, once you say this. Not your kitchen. “Uh— If that’s, that’s okay—”

“Tell Chef to take a break if she needs it, we haven’t seen her.” Says Carmen, beside you. We. Don’t read into it. He hates you, and you hate him, actually. Carmen sucks, and so do you.

Marcus nods, and makes his mad dash off as a tsunami of guests that have just gotten their plates decide now that they want a drink with their meal. Sonofabitch.

God, you need a break. It’s really hitting you, and your stomach. As full as everyone’s tried to keep you, you really need to just sit down and have your fucking plate. Working behind a bar is a nightmare on the feet and back— Your earrings feel heavy, and your bracelets feel like handcuffs. It’s just all too much, without a break. You need a nap and maybe a thirty-minute session of just staring at a wall.

But the tsunami.

Carmen watches your side profile, and thinking back in his head, the collage of memories forming your face— He’s never seen you genuinely fatigued before. He’s seen you in the middle of the night, he’s seen you caught off guard, seen you distressed— But you’ve never really been one to ask for a break. It’s always yes of course it’s done, with you. It’s your best and worst trait.

As the crowd closes in, and your face morphs into a smile, ready to serve, Carmen claps his hands together, calling out to the sea. “Ey, sorry everyone, we’re just gonna take a quick thirty, alright? Union mandated.”

There is no such thing as a Bartender’s Union, you and Carmen very well know that. You’re about to call it off and say it’s fine before someone can throw an empty glass at your head or something, but instead, a scrawny but wide built, deeply New York Italian man, at the front of the crowd nods.

And as he nods, the crowd groans. He looks deeply offended by this. He turns to his fellow guests. “Where do y’all get off? We fought for those thirty-minute breaks, you fucks!” This quiets them pretty quickly. “We can live with the fuckin’ punch bowl for thirty minutes, c’mon.”

Carmen gets close enough to whisper to you, but far enough that it’s still not personal. Far enough that he still hates you. “Most of the family does or did service work. Say ‘union mandated’ and you can do anythin’”

You smile, watching the crowd dissipate, you crack a joke, because that’s probably what you’re supposed to do. “Union mandated… Murder?”

“Revolt, y’mean?” “Is that an offer?” “I’d ride for you.”

It’s supposed to be light and fun, but you can’t stop yourself, you can’t play the part and it comes out. “Would you?”

That one hurts. It all hurts, but that one really gets Carmen. That you’d have genuine reason to have pause about his dedication to you. Not your fault, his.

You grab your plate from his side of the counter, embarrassed by your instinctual prod. “Sorry.”

He’s not embarrassed by his. “Stop apologizing.”

There’s a heavy silence, before Carmen adds, “I’m supposed to be fuckin’ apologizing.”

There are no more interruptions. Fak isn’t going to come by, patrons are leaving you be, the staff is either helping Marcus or serving food. There is nothing left, to interrupt you two. This is going to happen. Christ, why does Never Let Me Down Again have to be playing right now? That’s not a fucking wedding song. This is too dramatic and simultaneously awkward and clunky and bad. There is no somethings left for you to do. There is nothing left to do, but talk. Nothing left to do but escape the void, ideally together. Please let it be together. You hate to admit it, but you want it to be together.

There is no good place to sit. So, you pick up your plate, and one of the many forks from your pile. With a sigh, you crouch down, and slide yourself underneath the counter, sitting with your legs folded, so Carmen can join you. You nod to him, to let him know that he can in fact join you.

He does. You take a few bites, in silence, before he breaks it.

“I didn’t mean a fuckin’ word.”

“It’s okay if you did.” You can’t look up from your plate. You deserved it.

He says your name, with a severity, to it. “—I didn’t mean a fucking word.”

“Then why’d you say it?”

“I—” Despite rehearsing what he wanted to say, and having ample stage to say it, he does not know how to say any of it, anymore. “I was like, like, jealous? But not in the— Not in the normal way.”

“Normal way?”

“Like, I didn’t— Well I did— But I like—” He puts his fork down, “I saw you as competition.”

You don’t know what to say, and so he keeps going. “I saw you like… Like being so perfect at everything, and being so… Being so what everyone needed, and you being there, and and— I felt so… the way you can just do that— Like— Like you can just be you and it just works. And I just fucking can’t.”

A talent you share with his brother. A talent Carmen envied in Mikey, and thus, envies in you.

“And then I got so… weird about that thought. Like you being you is— You’re for everyone. And I got this idea in my head that…” He cringes, trying to find better wording in his head for it, and he can’t. “That you were for me.”

“But you’re not for me—” “Ouch.” “—Not what I meant.”

He thanks you, internally, for being willing to add levity, right now. “I lo— I like you, so much. And I don’t want you to change. If you were like…” He half gestures to himself, which you’re not a big fan of the deprecation, but you let it slide. “Cold, and not for anyone, you wouldn’t be… you.”

Carmen realized as much, watching you tonight. Watching you interact with full strangers to long time friends. If you were callus, you wouldn’t be you. If you didn’t love his family as much as he did, he wouldn’t have attached himself to you, so quickly. He loves the way that you love. The way that you can’t turn it off. It’s not that Carmen isn’t special. It’s that you are so fucking special. He’s fucking stupid for not connecting those dots, earlier.

He picks up his fork again, needing to do something with his hands. Your brows remain furrowed, as you try to walk back how he spiraled from what and where. 

“So, you just wanted to take me down a peg?”

He shakes his head. “It— I— With Mikey, I— I saw some shit that made me think that I was just… fillin’ a gap, or you were just being so good to me out of like… Guilt.” He chews down on his salmon. “And I couldn’t find your fuckin’ invoice, so I just kept drilling into my head that I was just… Charity.”

“You’re not charity.” You’re quick to refute.

“You didn’t fail Mikey.” So is he.

Oh Christ. You nod, but you don’t believe it. “You weren’t wrong to say it.” You have to put your plate down. “I— I don’t see you like I saw Mikey, at all. But I do…” You trail off, just looking at him has you tearing up.

He leaves home so early. He comes home so late. He looks so tired. Gaunt. Has he been eating? Did he light his oven on fire again? Remember how he looked in the freezer. Remember how Mikey looked in the freezer? Remember how they are so so different. They are so different but you still can’t stop connecting every fragment and taking it as a sign and worrying so fucking much, so fucking paranoid—

“Do what?” He swallows his last bite of chicken, and you can’t stop looking at him and fuck you just can’t hold it back, this time. You were doing so good about this. This isn’t even the point of the conversation— Well, kind of. Just breathe.

As your eyes begin to water, he sets his plate aside on the floor, reaching out immediately, worried, immediately. He pauses, hand floating in the air. Hesitating. “Fuck—Can I?”

Eyes barely open, you nod. He’s quick to take your plate from your hands, set it aside, and hug you there. It’s awkward, underneath a bar counter, half sitting, half crouching, grappling you. Carmen does not wish to be anywhere else.  

You wrap your arms around his shoulders and babble, unable to hold back a fear that’s been long standing, since the day you met him.

“Sometimes you remind me of Mikey so much and I get so scared and I just— Fuck, I just— Please don’t kill yourself, Carmen.” His arms wrap around just a bit tighter, as do yours. “I know that’s selfish—”

“It’s not.” Mumbled, to your neck. Skin to skin isn’t really the focal point, here, but there is a lurking part of his subconscious fearing that he will never be able to hug you like this, again. Never be your rock. “I won’t.”

It’s silent, for a minute. You believe him. He holds you there, and you believe him.

“Why did you think all that? That you were filler?” You pull back, just a bit, to look at his face. “Did I do something to make you feel like that?”

“No— God no. You’re—” He swallows. It feels stupid now, to even say how his fucking tantrum started, you had it so much worse, in your head. Why didn’t you tell him? “I was looking for your invoice, and—”

“I forgot the booths, by the way.” You recall the shoddy invoice you wrote. It’s a stupid time to interrupt, but as you slowly grow more comfortable, inches from his face, it feels like the time to be stupid. “And taxes. I owe you something more like eighteen-seventy.”

“You don’t owe me shit.”

“I’m paying back a Berzatto, somehow.”

“Where’d that money come from?”

“Where’d your tirade come from?”

He swallows again, getting back to the point. “I found a folder. Called ice chips, or something like that— But it wasn’t for ice. It was, for you.”

You look at him, genuinely perplexed for a second. Then you get it. And it makes a lot more sense, why Carmen knows you failed Mikey—Try as he might to deny it. “Oh… You found my Ice folder.”

“Fuck’s that mean?” You’re glad, honestly, that he’s never had a reason to learn what it means. It’s fair. You had to teach it to Mikey, too.

“Ice. I-C-E, Carmen. It’s an acronym.” You spell it out, slow. “In Case of Emergency. I-C-E.”

It knocks the wind out of him, immediately. He’s extra glad he’s holding onto you, because he’s starting to feel untethered. “What?”

You nod. It’s time to walk him through it. You have to tell him. “I made Mikey keep some sort of emergency stuff as a fail-safe, for when he forgot people wanted him alive.” When Carmen’s quiet, you continue. “I was in his work cabinet, I think Richie was in his bedside, you and Sug were in his wallet.”

His stomach lurches, at the idea of being the emergency his brother always had on him. “You knew he was suicidal?”

Who didn’t? You think, but don’t say, because that’s not fair. Mikey cut him out, how could he know?

“Everyone’s suicidal, when they’re trying to get sober.”

“What?”

“What?” You parrot back. It’s both your turns, to squint at the other, confused beyond belief now. How is he confused? You’re first to ask. “Carmen, what was in my ice folder?”

“Anniver— Oh my fucking God.” He unwraps himself from you, because he’s frankly too ashamed to touch you, realizing everything he misunderstood. “Oh, my fucking God.”

You let him go, though you don’t particularly want to. He’s probably realizing he’s hugging the enemy. 

“Carmen—?” “You didn’t fucking date Mikey.”

“What?!” You jump, your head hits the bottom of the base of the bar’s sink. “Fuck! Ow, no— What?!”

It’s a mess of limbs and emotions, as he grabs your head haphazardly, seeing if you’re hurt— It honestly hurts more, to be pulled around like this. “Are you o—” You don’t let him finish, grabbing at his wrists, ignoring your sore head.

“You thought I’d fuck your brother and then—What— try to fuckin’ get the whole set?” You’re cringing at the thought. This had just never come up in your mind. You would’ve set him straight, if it did. It was way worse in his head. Why didn’t he tell you? “I— Carmy, babydoll, are you fucking insane?”

You say nice pet names, when you’re perplexed. You’ve got a pattern of doing so. He also has no comeback for this, completely mum. You release his wrists. You add, again, aghast. “How old do you think I am?”

“Ah— As old as Syd?” “Correct.” “So, twenty-eight?”

“Turning, but yeah.” You nod, like a teacher walking him through a problem. “And how old was Mikey?”

“Forty something.” “Forty-three.” “No one remembers their brothers’ age—” “Sixteen years. Carmen.”

You press your hands over your eyes. “And listen, I get at a point age is just a number but I was twenty-five when I met him and he was already fucking forty— I grew up with Muppet Babies and he grew up with Muppets. Period end of sentence.”

You sigh. This situation isn’t funny at all, but you feel a load lighten off of you significantly. And also the situation is extremely funny. It’s hard to be mad at someone this thrown off. 

“It’s just— Listen, do I think Mikey’s hot? Absolutely—”

“Alright—” He cringes, putting a hand in the air, asking you to lay off this train of thought.

“Oh, what do you want me to say ‘your genetic make-up fucking sucks actually’? No, you have a hot family, Carmen.”

“Say this in any other way but this one.”

“I did not date your brother, Carmen.” You finalize, he breathes lighter. “Think about it for like more than two seconds. Richie would’ve fuckin’ run his mouth about it immediately— Would’ve said you’re getting sloppy seconds or call me a fuckin’ homie hopper—”

“I did think that he’d say that, yeah.”

“Well fuckin’ think harder on it, next time—” “Well, what about the joint bank account?”

The most romantic paperwork he’d ever seen. It makes you pause, and Carmen’s considers a universe where you’re just the most incredible pathological liar in existence. 

“I made him make it.” You finally say, saddened just thinking about the failsafe that didn’t fucking work. “I didn’t put any money in it.”

“Why’d you want it, then?” The idea of you dating his brother quiets in his head, now he just wants to listen.

“So I could keep track of his spending and withdrawals.” You pick up your fork and twirl it around, like it’s the most interesting thing in the world. Need something to do with your hands. “Mostly his withdrawals.”

Carmen thinks about it, trying to tie together the red strings in his head without asking you first. “So you could see if he was buying.”

“If he knew he was being watched, he was less inclined to deal.” You shrug and nod. “Plus I wanted him to get into the habit of keeping savings.”

“Lotta good that did.” Carmen can’t help but laugh, pitifully, at that. “Everythin’ got claimed, when he kicked it.”

You shake your head, you tuck your knees to your chest. “Not everything.”

He just looks at you, curious, waiting for you to explain. Mikey had so much credit card debt— Everything he had outside of fucking tomato cans was claimed. 

You shrug. “Not the accounts he wasn’t sole proprietor on.”

Joint bank account. It was partially your money, technically. It deferred to you. Carmen’s head just falls over, another painful realization of another thing you did, that he got completely wrong. You never gave Mikey a cent. You just gave him the protection of your name and credit score.

“Why’d you do all that, for him?”

Holy shit, he doesn’t know. Carmen doesn’t actually know you killed Mikey. You live in a world, still, where Carmen doesn’t completely rightfully blame you. You tap your fingers on your knees. Staring aimlessly. There is nothing else to do.

“Anyone ever tell you why I get called Chip?”

“I asked Richie. Said to ask you.” Carmen shakes his head, he’s a bit sick of himself, for being almost excited to get an answer about this. “Said it was personal.”

You squint and snort. “Since when does Richie give a fuck about personal?”

Carmen smiles, finally, and tucks his knees to his chest to mimic you. “Since me, I guess.”

“Good influence.” You smile, trying to distract from the nervousness, thrumming hard in your chest. Spit collects in your throat like it’s trying to choke you. “I uhm… Chippy is, uh, Mikey started calling me Chip or Chippy cause of uhm—”

You take a moment, one deep breath. A breath of air in the world before Carmen knows. A sanctimonious breath.

You pull at the long black rope chain on your neck, pulling it out from underneath your top, where it’s always been safely tucked. Not hidden necessarily, just always close to your chest. Close to your heart.

“It’s a joke, about— It’s like—”

Just do it, Chip. Let it rip.

“It’s—”

You hold out your fist for him to put his hand out and take it. Carmen gets the point and holds his palm out. You press the pendant into his hand. Holding your hand over it, for a moment, as if you could decide now that actually he shouldn’t be allowed to see this. Like there’s still an escape option, somehow.

You move your hand, you try to speak calmly, as he stares. And the text on the large round pendant stares back at him.

To Thine Own Self Be True.

“Sobriety chip.” Unity, Service, Recovery.

A proud and large 3 months, in the middle of the triangle, leers back at Carmen.

“I was— I was Mikey’s sponsor.”

Now y'all in my asks see why I was waiting, eh?

Ya caught on! Well, after thinking collectively, ya caught on. Some of you got it quick. Anyways, I shouldn't be talking about this like it's some gotcha, it's deeply painful.

A lot of hard confirmations! Fuck! This conversation was so hard to navigate, because I was like-- There's just so much for them to catch up on, and so they keep like moving forward and so I was like wait I have to go back and address this-- No. That's not how most real convos like this work, they just keep running forward, they can clarify later. Such a weird brain challenge. I was tweaking. I hope it's sensical to read? If it's not, dw, i'll walk into the sea about it.

Can you believe this chapter began with Syd/Chip/Richie? Absolutely bonkers. We started with getting ready in a hotel/taking a flight. We were so young, then. I've gotta go watch season 3, so don't send me spoilers, but please send me literally any and all thoughts about this chapter. I really fuckin-- Rah.

I'm happy with this chapter and I honestly think I will probably make a separate post sometime this week showing bits you might've missed-- So much of this was me harkening back to those first three chapters. I went back and reread them recently and I was like woah. I don't know how I did the thing where the writing style felt distant and slowly became close as they became close as characters, but I did feel like that was a thing. In the early chapters. Having to recreate that distant feeling here? Oh fuck. Brutalizing feeling.

Oh but on the more cute side, if you also see Tony as Desi, I was thinkin like a lehenga style blouse with all the work, and like, some black flared pants? and she's got big fuckin jhumkas, OF COURSE!!! OF COURSE BRO!!! But I just left it at semi-cultural so everyone could have fun, hehehe

I feel almost certain, someone's gonna be missing from this tag list, and for that, a thousand pardons, I am gonna put it in my notes app so I don't forget next time, mbmbmb, also added people that did not ask but you are so frequent that i feel like you're just forgetting to ask? idk if you wanna get taken off always just ask dw

@anytim3youwant @navs-bhat @whoknowswhoiamtoday @gills-lounge @slut4supersoldiers @sinceweremutual @itsallacotar @catsrdabestsocks101 @popcornpoppin @renaissance-painting @lostinwonderland314 @v0ctin @ashtonweon @sharkluver @fridavacado @hoetel-manager @mrs-perfectly-fine

anyways, if you wanna be added send me your thoughts/analysis/diagnosis at length + ask to be added and i will ! try! sometimes they get lost and i am sorry abt that but i do try!

Next Part

[temmtamm]

couldddd you POSSIBLY!.!!.!!! do a gravity falls yandere platonic ford which any age with a son!reader? Maybe around the age of 14 or younger. IF NOT THATS COMPLETELY FINE!

or if not that maybe a platonic yandere teen ford and stan with a younger brother?

Hii pookie!!

Friendly reminder once again, I do not do gender specific asks/headcanons!! Check my Gravity Falls ‘Asks Open’ post if anyone has any confusion on what I will/wont do!

As for a parental Ford…let’s see..

Well, at least in my opinion, Ford probably wouldn’t take that care of a child. He can barely take care of himself, let alone a kid.

But, if we are talking after the portal and everything, then I think that might be different.

Once again, Ford doesn’t have much of any parental bones in his body, but he does display more care and affection for the twins than I think he would’ve before the portal. I feel like he had matured and grown a lot through all the dimensions he had been in, and was able to recognize how poorly he was raised.

So, let’s say your home life wasn’t as great either, whether it be something as simple as your father being emotionally constipated, or your family just fights more than ‘normal’ ones, Ford WILL draw parallels to your home and his.

And Ford, after all he has learned, doesn’t want another person to wind up like him; craving validation and praise from others, to the point where he—I mean, you, seek it out from dangerous sources.

So…Ford starts hanging around you more.

He’s very…subtle with it. He knows kids, especially teenagers don’t care for adults getting all up in their business, so he tried to take it slow.

He didn’t expect how closed off you were, however. Your walls were completely up…So, he had to take some extra measures to get some details out of you.

Y’know the fun fact about all the weirdness in Grvaity Falls?? It means that there’s a lot of bugs that can repeat what it hears—So, it wasn’t that hard to sneak one of these copyroaches into your home and listen in on it repeating all that was heard in the home.

All the nasty fights, all the lonesome crying, all the times you’d gush to yourself or your friends on call about your special interests.

Don’t worry, he’s a good dad, he’ll let you keep SOME privacy…Just, a very, very, VERRYY small portion of it.

Slowly, you two start to bond more and more with him becoming more of a father figure to you with how he seems to always know what’s troubling you and the answers you need to hear in that moment…Not to mention, with him not being great with emotions, he tried to win your love with acts of service, such as making you dinner, saving the shoes you like on his DVR, and letting you spend the night at the shack when your parents fight.

Soon, he started to notice you staying at the shack more and more.

And more and more…He couldn’t help but grow discontent with the way your family treats you.

As said before, it doesn’t matter how small the issue is, if Ford had it his way, not a foul word should be spoken in your vicinity. Haven’t they already done enough damage to this child?? Do they want you to grow up in a broken home?!

In fact…He doesn’t think they’re fit to be parents. Not even in the slightest!!

He would be so much better…He’d actually take care of you, and he is smarter than any school they have been putting you in for that matter—All those kids are just so cruel to you, even if you don’t know it yet.

That…actually gives him an idea.

“So…anything happen at school today, champ?” Ford mumbled in his usual low, raspy voice as he scrubbed at the dishes in the sink, his apron still tied around his waist from cooking.

“Uh…Ford?” He didn’t even bat an eye or look up at you as you started to feel queasy, pushing the bowl of soup away from you at the dinner table. “I think the vegetables in this went bad…I think I’m gonna be sick.”

Ford just let out a good, hearty laugh. “Don’t be silly, I made it with all fresh ingredients. Have a look for yourself. Only the best for you.”

You could feel your stomach start to churn and growl, with the sight that greeted you when you looked down at your bowl not making you feel any better.

Was that an…eye?!

…

It’s the same shade as your mother’s.

“O-Oh god..” You bit down on your lip, bile starting to creep up in the back of your throat at the sight…and that’s when the melatonin had started to kick in, making your vision grow spotty. It was hard for Ford to find a dosage of that where it was not only over the required limit for a young teen, but also able to be hidden in food. He did it though. Better that than rat poison for his little baby.

“Aww, oh no? Are you having a stomach bug?? Don’t worry, I’ll make it all better.”

That’s the sick part. He genuinely believes it’s better locked in the shack for you. Why wouldn’t it be?? He’ll spoil you with all the care and love a child deserves, not to mention he will be sure to intellectually stimulate your brain as well.

You’ll see. He’ll be the perfect father for you.

[maedae-maedae]

Can't Help It - Library Date

☆ Okkotsu Yuuta x F!Reader

☆ Genre: Smut

☆ Warnings: NSFW 18+

☆ Contents: Aged-Up Characters, Established Relationship, Semi-Public/Public Sex, Needy!Yuuta, Sub?Yuuta, AU - University Students, Clothed Sex, Oral Sex, Breeding Kink?

☆ Word Count: 3.6k

☆ Summary: You meet up with your boyfriend, ready to have a study date at your university's library and really get down to business. The two of you need to go to the library to actually study, and you both know well enough to take it seriously. Today you come wearing a new outfit... and suddenly your boyfriend has other plans for the two of you.

☆ A/N: Randomly awakening from my disappearance to post this smut which- I am just now realizing is my first real full-out smut! That I'm posting, that is.

This idea came to me as I was writing actually another fic for Yuuta so expect that real soon, much more stretched out than this lil one shot. Anyways, enjoy!

It’s late morning by the time you meet your boyfriend Yuta Okkatsu at your university’s library. The place is huge, and would literally be impossible to find books from if you didn’t have the power of technology. You’re searching the section with the books required by the class you share with Yuta. You guys decided on not giving into the scam of buying textbooks, opting to use the library’s plentiful supply of books that no one uses these days anyways. You’re reaching up to grab another suggested reading as Yuta stands behind you, holding the big one you’d handed to him when you first got here.

He’s a little embarrassed right now, hot and beginning to sweat. And he’s surprised you haven’t noticed yet. Ever since he met you in front of the library earlier, he’s been sporting a full boner. All thanks to the new outfit you had on. It’s adorable, and your boyfriend absolutely loves the way it hugs your body. Maybe a little too much, unable to pry his eyes away from the curve of your ass as the skirt lifts up with your reach. He glances around to make sure no one else is around to see this view and then continues to stare.

You were so excited to show him this outfit today too, and he couldn’t even properly compliment you with how flustered it was making him. Plus, you probably wouldn’t want him to be immediately sexualizing you in it either, so what is he thinking? Still, he can’t help it. How badly he wants to have his hands all over you right now.

“Okay! Got it!” You say happily as you pull the book off its shelf. “That’s it, I think. There’s not anything else you wanna grab, is there? I mean honestly, three is already enough I don’t know if I can handle more than this.”

You look up at Yuta and he shakes his head to answer you. But somethings off about him.

“Is something wrong?” You ask and he’s honestly relieved you finally notice. He takes a step toward you, then another until he’s right in front of you. His eyes avoid yours out of embarrassment for a moment, but then he looks at you straight on.

“Let’s go home.” He says, taking your hand in his own as he does.

“Huh? But we said we would study together today.” You reply, confused on why he suddenly wants to change plans.

“Let’s just study at your place” He suggests, pouting. You raise an eyebrow at him and give him a knowing look.

“Yu.. you know if we go to ‘study’ at my place, there wont be any studying happening.” You tell him and playfully poke his stomach. He was hoping you’d just understand without him having to explain himself, but looks like he’ll have to show you instead.

“Cmon, let’s go find a-“ You begin as you turn, but stop mid sentence when you feel your boyfriends embrace from behind. He wraps his arms around your middle, book still in one of his hands. He nuzzles into your neck.

“Hey.. what’s up with you tod-“ You don’t need to ask any further when he finally presses his full body to you, and you feel it. His hard cock rests against your ass, straining through his pants. A hot flash hits you, suddenly feeling his neediness like it’s contagious.

“Ah.. I get it now.” You say calmly, placing a hand on his at your stomach and using the other to stroke his hair a couple times. “Needy boy~” You coo at him. He twitches against you, to your amusement.

“You look so good today.. I can’t help it.” He whines into your ear, just barely audible. He’s so sweet, what are you gonna do with this boy?

“Hmm.. I guess we can’t really study until you’re good, huh?” You say, mostly to yourself, as you quickly think of somewhere nearby that would be most likely to not get you caught.

“Cmere.” You tell him, taking his hand and leading him along with you.

You walk with him until you reach a little nook of the library, empty and seemingly not visited very much. Your friend actually told you about this part of the library, after having a hook-up here. She always has crazy stories of where shes done stuff, and you’re pretty sure at this point it’s definitely a kink for her. You always thought it was crazy, and you never thought you’d find yourself following in her footsteps. You’ll have to thank her later you guess. And pray she wasn’t lying.

“H-here?” Your boyfriend whispers as you glance around cautiously. You look at him curiously.

“You don’t want to? We can always wait till later if you-“ before you can even finish your suggestion, he’s shaking his head to answer.

“That bad, hm?” You say and lean your back against the shelf behind you, signaling him with your hand to come to you. He does and you caress his chest, down to his stomach and pelvis, massaging little circles there as you continue to look around a bit more. You love the way he reacts to your touch, fidgety and sensitive. His forehead rests against yours as you with his hands resting comfortably on your hips.

“We should be safe here, no one ever comes to this section and none of the cctv cameras can see.” You reassure him and you look back at him again.

“How do you know that-“ He goes to ask but knows the answer as soon as you give him a look. He knows about that friend of yours, from your stories. “Oh. Nevermind.”

Your hands finally move to start caressing the bulge in his pants, and he takes a startled inhale, immediately pushing his face into your neck again. He likes to do that a lot when you two get intimate, it made him feel like he’s closer. And he loves being able to smell you. God forbid he ever smelled your perfume while he’s out on his own, he’d be turned on immediately.

“You really worked yourself up, huh? You’re extra sensitive today.” You whisper to him as you listen to the little noises he’s been making as you continue to massage him through his pants.

“It’s the skirt you bought..” he pushes out to explain himself.

“…Too short?” You ask, a self conscious thought you had before buying it popping up in your mind and then leaving your mouth without needing too. Plus, boyfriends don’t usually want their girlfriends wearing super revealing clothing, right? Maybe it made him uncomfortable.

“No.. I love it so much. You look so good in it. Wear it all the time.” He reassures you desperately, laying your insecurities to rest immediately. You giggle and you don’t know why you were even nervous.

“Clearly I don’t think that’s a good idea, unless we wanna be like my friend and start testing our luck everywhere we go.” You joke, and he laughs lightly in your ear. A shiver tickles your spine.

“Okay, love. What do you want me to do for you? Just tell me.“ You prompt for him. You want to be able to satisfy him in whatever way he feels he needs you right now.

“Mm.. Nothing, jus wanna feel you..” He mumbles as his hands start to move from your waist and caress around all the curves of your body. He stops to grab at your ass when he gets there, and you can feel his neediness with the way his hips make slight jerks forward. Usually he’s always taken a liking to your breasts, but it must really be something about your skirt today driving him crazy. You don’t think you’ve seen him like this.

While he caresses you with his warm hands that you adore feeling on you like this, he starts to kiss your neck too. You let out very faint moans as he does, feeling extra sensitive too now for some reason. You can just feel how badly he wants you and that alone is driving you crazy.

"Yu.." you call out quietly as he's busy leaving you with another hickey. "Shouldn't we make this quick? Not that I don’t love it, but…"

You tell him this partially because you are a bit anxious about getting caught suddenly, but also because you’re really desperate to have him inside you already. You can feel the wetness between your legs getting out of control. He pulls back to look you in the eyes, and you were not expecting him to look as lustful as he does right now. That’s a dangerous look he’s giving you.

“I’m gonna eat you out.. is that okay?” He tells you, almost breathless, and you could moan just hearing him say that. You love when he goes down on you. It feels like heaven every time and you love looking at his eyes when his tongue is deep inside you. Despite this, you’re still a bit unsure.

“Yu.. this is kinda risky, don’t you think we should-“

“Please?” He begs and you know you could never say no to what he’s asking of you right now. This is literally a situation straight out of a wet dream.

“Okay.. but-“ before you can even tell him to be quick, he pushes his lips to yours with excitement. Your tongues entwine and you feel his fingers come down to rub at your slit. He can feel how wet you are now, and it only makes him kiss you harder, more desperate. You have to grab his shoulders when he’s suddenly slipping three fingers into you at once. He swallows your moans that would definitely had been much too loud otherwise. He pumps into you a few times before pulling out, leaving you feeling empty, needy. You need him inside you again. You whine at his absence as he pulls back from your kiss as well. You’re about to pout at him before you end up watching him put his own fingers in his mouth, getting a taste of you before the full meal. Your face goes red.

“I’ll make you cum quick, promise.” He tells you softly, making butterflies in your stomach as you watch him immediately sink down to his knees. You know he’s being serious about that too, and you’re a bit nervous.

You’re stood right next to where the wall ends and turns the corner, so you peak your head out to make sure no one’s around. There’s nobody, and you cant believe people really never come to this section. Honestly it would be a cute place to sit and read normally.

“Look at me.” Your boyfriend tells you and your attention snaps back to him. He’s already slipped your panties down and you lift your skirt up slightly for him so it’s not in his face as he goes to kiss your clit.

You let out hushed moans as his tongue starts working, circling your clit and playing with you there for a while. Your face must be dark with both the way he’s making you feel and the way he’s looking at you. God that eye contact will get you everytime. His intense sanpaku stare never once looking away from you, taking in every reaction he gets out of you. It’s like he studies you, analyzing what’s making you feel the best, making sure he’s doing a good job. You cant believe how into this he is too, you didn’t think this would be his thing, but he clearly loves it. You never thought when you met this sweet boy that he would be so kinky.

Right now he’s really keeping his word on making it quick, hitting all the right motions he’s already memorized from how many times he’s pleasured you like this. He knows exactly what you like. Normally, he’ll stretch it out anyways, loving getting to have you this way for as long as possible. Seeing all the cute faces you make. Even making you climax on his face multiple times.

His favorite is when you’re about to cum, just like you are now. Your hands are in his hair, pulling at him as if you want him to stop, can’t take it anymore.

“Yuta.. s’too much..” you whisper to him like you do in some variation everytime. Then your thighs start clenching on him, shaking. Your breathing gets quicker. Your hands can’t even muster the energy to pull him anymore, clenching and unclenching fists in his hair. The only thing he doesn’t like about this part is that he can’t talk you through it like he likes to. He wants more than anything in this moment to tell you “You're doing so good, beautiful. Ride it out. I got you.” As your back arches and your body tenses up. But he’s got to stay focused to make sure you feel as good as possible.

He watches you with your mouth covered, head pushed against the bookcase behind you. His hands come up to support your now trembling legs as you start to come down from your high. He thinks he could never get tired of doing this specifically for you.

He lets you breathe for a few moments before standing again. He presses his forehead to yours as you look up at him with those pleasure-riden eyes.

“Y/n…” he says to you softly and you nod. “Sorry but, turn around. Please. Need to fuck you so bad.”

If your cheeks could blush any darker they would. You really love when he’s like this. You do as he says and turn around, his buldge already pressing at your ass as you feel him struggle to get his pants undone. When he does, he wastes no time in rubbing his raw shaft along your extremely wet folds. You shiver and manage to hold in any sound from coming out.

“Ah! H-hold on!” You tell him right before it feels like he’s about to press into you. You cant believe you didn’t think of this. You reach over for your purse and Yuta impatiently continues to rub against you. Looking for the condom in your bag as best you can, it’s not too long before you find it and pull it out. You knew having emergency ones in there would come in handy.

“Here. Put this on at least.” You say, handing it back to him.

He looks confused for a moment, and you know why. The two of you have been fucking raw for a while now. Which, in hindsight is not the best habit to have gotten into. But you suppose that was your risky kink, both of yours.

“Yu, we’re gonna make a mess if we don’t use it.” You reason with him, already hearing the protests probably circling in his head. You hear him whine just slightly, but he takes it. He knows you’re right.

As he’s putting it on you start to worry about yourself and getting caught again. You’ve never exactly been very quiet, and neither has he. At all.

“Try to go slow please.. I’m not sure how well I can keep my voice down if you’re not careful.” You whisper to him, bracing yourself against the bookshelf. You feel Yuta’s hand caress up and around your hips, his face moving up right to your ear.

“You’re right.. if we get caught we might get banned from the library. And then we’d have to study at your place from now on… what a shame that’d be.. right?” He says with a dark tone, and you know exactly what he’s implying. Horny asshole. There’s no way he’s serious.

“I think the penalty would be a lot worse than tha-AT!” You go to warn him but loose control of your voice when he shoves almost his entire length into you at once. Specifically doing the OPPOSITE of what you just asked.

“Yuta!!” You hiss, slapping his shoulder with the back of your hand before he starts moving. “What’d I just tell you?!”

He breaths a silent laugh into your neck “Sorry.. love you.” He says and places a few kisses along your neck and shoulder. You sigh at this and you know you can’t stay mad. Still, that was a surprise as he’s usually very obedient to you with requests like that.

“You’re taking me so good, though.” He adds, pressing a kiss to your cheek as well. You feel him slide in a little more and you both let out shallow breaths. You feel so close to him like this, his body pressed against you, pinning you to the bookcase with nowhere to go. His hands find yours and intertwine, letting you know he’s got you, he’s with you.

Your warmth felt so good around him like this, he didn’t even want to move. But just like before, he knows he’s gotta be quick here. This is what he was begging for and you so graciously allowed him to have. His thrusts go slow the way you asked of him, only picking up pace when he feels the need. The sound of your soft almost-silent moans and the squelching of his cock pumping in and out of you, filling the silence of the corner the two of you have to yourself. He groans and whines quietly into your back as his pace speeds up again, trying harder not to make noise with his motions more than with his mouth.

“Thank you.. fuck, I love you.” He tells you, breathlessly, mindlessly.

“Yuuta.. Ah!” You moan his name, just a little louder than you have been. His hand comes to cover your mouth, but it’s gentle. You know he’s just helping, knowing it’s hard for you to keep quiet like this. He keeps letting praises and curses fall from his mouth like mumbling, fucking into you with as much care as he can. Wanting to make you feel so good but not alert anyone to this private moment, just for the two of you. His hand can barely keep against your mouth, his focus elsewhere. You can hear his labored breathing and small moans that slip out right against your ear, making your hand stand and every part of you feeling sensitive.

“I’m gonna.. ahh.. gonna cum, Yu.” You tell him softly, your mind fogging. You look down below you and the sight is so incredibly lewd, like something you’d find on a nsfw blog. Your panties soaked on the floor beneath you, your feet basically on top of his the way you’re lifted up on your toes.

“Fuck, Please. Cum for me, love. Wanna feel it..” He pleads, fucking you harder now, the sounds getting a bit too loud. “I love you so much. Please. Please, please.”

There’s no way you could hold back your climax if you wanted to with the way he’s begging you like this. Your body complies, as if obedient to him of its own will. Your high ripples through you and you have to slap your hand on top of his to really keep quiet for this.

He doesn’t slow even on your comedown, continuing to fuck your aching hole. Your hands muffle the moans thatd normally be full-on wails if the two of you were home right now.

“Kiss me.” He tells you, his face next to yours already. You both let go and you press you lips to his again. He does his best to help drown out your sounds as he reaches his own high.

“Cumming.. fuck I’m gonna cum.” He whines against your lips, unable to focus on anything else anymore.

“Feels so good Yu.. cum inside me, please.” You plead for him, knowing it makes him feel even better when you praise him.

“I love you.” You finally tell him earnestly, and he echoes it back to you so breathlessly that you could barely make it out.

He thrusts into you one last time, spilling his seed into the condom that he wishes wasn’t there. He wants you to feel him finishing inside you, he’d become addicted to it.

Still, he basks in the way you twitch and squirm against him as he keeps his dick stuffed deep inside you, pressing against your cervix wall.

“Yu..” You whine, knowing he knows what he’s doing. He just wanted to enjoy it a moment longer, that’s all. When he pulls out of you, the both of you gasp a little, breaths heavy and shaking.

At the beginning of this, when you offered to do it in the library, you had not thought it’d be intense like this, and you definitely didn’t consider how your legs would feel afterward. They are shaking and you’re praying Yuta can’t tell because he will most definitely tease you about it. His arms wrap around you as he embraces you one more time.

“After studying, later I’m gonna cum inside you, okay?” He tells you sweetly, like it’s not the totally vulgar sentence that just left his mouth. You scoff in disbelief.

“Are you serious?” You say with amused exasperation.

“We had to use the condom..” He pouts, looking up at you from shoulder level. “I want to give you a creampie like I usually do.”

Good lord, what have you turned this man into?

“Alright, alright.” You tell him, rolling your eyes with a smile. “But only if you actually study with me now. Cmon, put this away.” He flinches when you poke his now half-hard dick, but does as you say anyways.

This is good, now he has some real motivation to work. He studies with you that day harder than he’s probably ever studied in his whole life.

[jester089]

Hello! Today I rewatched Titanic for the hundredth time, so I had an idea: https://youtu.be/EyPpMaIBgkI?feature=shared

do you know this scene in Titanic? In any case, here it is,if you haven’t seen this movie (I highly recommend it, crying every time lmao)

So, imagine that Rose is a character (Jax, Pomni, Caine/Kinger) and Jack is the reader

the reader (their s/o) begins to abstracting , the characters understandably end up next to the reader at this moment in a hope to stop the process, but then both realize that nothing helps, and before going completely crazy, the reader begins to calm down characters (just repeat lines from this scene lol) How would the characters react? I'm really interested in Jax's reaction.

P.S. If it’s not difficult, briefly describe how the characters will behave after the death of their s/o

So sorry for my English is so bad!!! I am not speaking it, hope you having a good day/night!!🫶🫶💋

Boat movie

Thank you for the request! I apologize to any Caine or Jax fans who hate how I write them. But hey you can always just not read it, and I write em how they are. Not how we all want em. From this post on I'm going to ask you all add something to your requests. When requesting either Caine or Jax specify if you want the real ones or the softer loving ones. Thanks! Caine, Kinger, Jax, & Pomni's reactions to Reader dying/abstracting in front of them/in their hands

Caine

You definitely aren't the first. And probably wont be the last. He understands that humans for whatever reason don't want to die alone so he stays with you. He stays there sitting next to you on the floor as you progressively get more and more glitched. Sadly he doesn't catch much of what you say as his mind is mainly just ready to put you in the cellar so you don't hurt anyone. Once your abstracted and in the cellar he moves on. Sure he felt slightly closer to you then with all the others digital circus's inhabitants but he'll get past it. Nothing really changes in the long run.

Kinger

Kinger found you abstracting and was about to turn tail and run to find help but you begged him not to leave. That's how you got to where you are Kinger holding you close while you gently cup his face. He listened to every word you said about how he was gonna get out of there and live his life. Have kids and die safe in his home surrounded by loved ones. He permanently searing every word into his brain. As you lean up to give him one last kiss before you fall off the deep end and abstract forcing Kinger to let go of you. He is crazy yes, but he's tough. And losing you makes him want to give up. But he'll get out of this place and live his life. If not for himself, for you.

Jax

Jax was sitting with you as you abstracted. He was just going to leave and do something else, but your pitiful glitchy voice got him to stay. He sits there staring at you as you progressively get worse not even listening to what your saying, his mind wandering to what he would rather be doing. Once you fully abstract he gets up and sprints away so he doesn't get hurt then leaves you alone to rampage about. Not his problem. Hey if someone else dies to you maybe their death will be funnier then yours.

Pomni

Pomni stayed with you. Despite every bit of code in her being telling to run and get Caine she knew she wouldn't be able to in time. So she stayed and held you gently using everything she had in her to not show how she felt. So you could have someone, have her there with you when you went. She listened to your final words and did her best to remember the feeling of you gently kissing her. Once you were gone she went straight to her room to be alone, and to write something down. In a journal Ragatha gave Pomni to try and help with stress she writes down you. You personality, your final words. And she draws you, draws you how you are (were). She isn't going to forget you. She will get out of this place. And if, no WHEN she does she's going to give you a proper burial. She doesn't have your body but she isn't just going to be the last thing she remembers of you, you or a version of you trying to kill her. (I'm feeling a little burnt out on angst asks. But I did enjoy writing this.)

xoxo, Jester

[ryuichirou]

Replies

Happy Holiday weekend! Here are some replies…

Anonymous asked:

Have you read the Twisted Wonderland manga adaptation yet? I think you would really enjoy them

We haven’t and we don’t really plan to (since Yana Toboso didn’t work on them outside of some tidbits that we’re interested in, such as character’s younger versions design). But the artists for the manga did such a good job, that we really appreciate the art of it whenever we see someone posts it. The Tweels and Azul specifically look amazing.

Anonymous asked:

(with the jadesil asks but also just jade in general) mushrooms do look a bit like a certain... something, no? 🍆

They sure do. I wonder if Jade thinks about it… he certainly noticed it lol Especially considering that both of these things are kind of new to him…

“Oh, but don’t put the mushrooms anywhere please!^^”

blackbutlerfandomnerddomain asked:

So you ship CrewelTrein which is funny for me cause I honestly have a AU where Crewel is his out of wedlock child he didn't know about/headcanon as a father figure, so now with this ship being shown and lowkey agreeing with it despite my AU/thoughts now thought of Crewel being a student and being so frustrated by Trein he jerked it once and discovered he has a lot of daddy issues which includes a daddy kink but not him being called daddy or bottoming just Trein being "daddy" and he fucks him

lol I love how it turned into a “daddy issues/daddy kink” but WITH A TWIST

It could be funny if these two discovered they have a blood bond…but even if they don’t and Trein is just a father figure, it’s honestly even more funny, because having him as a father figure certainly didn’t stop Crewel from doing thing lol

blackbutlerfandomnerddomain asked:

OKay! BUT! Azul and Floyd walking in on Idia and Riddle either making out (with permission from their doms) or fucking each other with a double sided toy! (inspired by a comic I red of two subs making out before their doms showed up and boom fourway/double sided sex)

Alright, now I gotta know which one of these 4 saw this scenario in their head while they were asleep, because Idia and Riddle are probably the worst people for such a thing: not only they wouldn’t dare to do it by themselves, but to cooperate?? I wonder what would make them… well, ironically, Floyd could lol

(but the visual is like a classic hentai thing and would definitely leave Azul and Floyd kind of speechless lol)

dawnstar-33 asked:

I should be asleep rn but oh well Twst is more important...

Random thoughts I cant share with my friends (smh they wont watch playthroughs with me)

-Does that black streak in the tweels hair not annoy them? I'd be so mad about it especially as I have a similar haircut as the tweels 😭

-Twst x Mean girls!!! I can't remember where I saw it first, but now I can't unsee it! Vil as the one and only Regina George, Rook as Grechen and Cater as Karen! With Neige as Cady (World Burn is playing as I write this...)

-Not sure when I thought of this- Jamil and Kalim (either as a romantic or platonic attraction) with this one quote

"You're my soulmate, my life, but I'm not yours."

And that concludes my random thoughts at 3am 😭🫶

Twst really is more important than sleep lol I hope you sleep well though! And that your friend gives up and treats themselves by watching twst with you >:3

Here are my thoughts regarding your thoughts! Sorry for the late reply.

I think they’re very used to it lol Since they had to maneuver with it underwater ever since they were young… But I can picture Floyd accidentally catching it with his mouth and spitting in annoyance lol

LOVE Mean girls and the musical version is also great, HOWEVER! As someone who simps for both Vil and Regina, I don’t really think they’re similar. Vil has way too much dignity to do the “awww I love it how cute (I hate it it’s ugly)” thing, he’s usually just brutally honest lol And Regina is one messy bitch. Ironically, I feel like Azul fits the role better, despite not necessarily being a queen bee… I can definitely see Vil and Neige playing the roles of Regina and Cady though, it would be interesting. And infuriating for Vil, probably lol

Ohhh this is beautiful and sad. Yeah, Jamil and Kalim’s relationship with each other is quite asymmetrical on every level.

[artwitherica]

Just a rant post I’ll probably delete later…

“Nobody wants to work anymore”

But I know several people who’ve been job hunting for months including my fiance

“Nobody wants to work anymore”

He’s applied to 100+ job applications with a turnaround of 5%. 5/100 jobs called for an interview. He didn’t quit, but was let go due to cutbacks. His whole shift (2nd) was let go. Unemployment is backlogged here, and we haven’t heard back yet.

“Nobody wants to work anymore”

He was offered one job, not even the one he applied for. A part time position. Ok, perfect while he still job hunts for full time right? They gave him 4hrs a week. 4 hours. He asked for more. “Ill look at get back to you” while they still actively list the full time position. He reapplied for it himself. I had to pick up hours at work (100hr/2wks) but we’re now at a full staff so no overtime is permitted as of two weeks ago. Bills are starting to catch up to us. Groceries have been slim. The animals need vet care we cant afford. Gov assistance wont help because my last few paychecks put us over the income line. “Reapply next month” they said.

“Nobody wants to work anymore”

I have another friend who’s applied to many jobs herself. One job she got an interview for is 2 blocks from her. They’re “desperately” seeking people to apply. They called her in for an interview. She’s called back a week later for them to tell her “we haven’t decided yet, call back next week”

“Nobody wants to work anymore”

I have a friend from out of state. She’s been applying for a few months now. Shes facing eviction. She cant afford her apartment anymore, and is looking at rehoming her two dogs. She has had jobs tell her (and I’ve seen the emails) “you’re overqualified” “we cant offer you a pay cut” but she’s applying to the job with the listed salary, knowing it would be a pay cut, but at least it would be something. She’s applied to everything from cleaning/housekeeping to management positions thats shes experienced in. One job got back to her. She got hazed on day one, not even trained for the position she was hired for, and thrown in the back to fend for herself, then told “were moving you to another location, so sit tight and we’ll call you” and hasn’t heard back since despite reaching out. Shes still applying to jobs. Her car is unreliable, but she cant afford a better one. This shrinks her radius she can reasonably apply for jobs in.

“Nobody wants to work anymore”

It seems like every other business in this town has “we’re hiring!” Advertisements on their facades. Every one I’ve asked says to apply online. Ive helped call around. The bots weed out applicants without certain buzz words. They also rarely list salary/pay on the job listings anymore either. I even briefly attempted looking for a job closer to home (I have a 30 min drive one way) to save on gas but many would have me taking pay cuts we couldn’t afford, and I couldn’t get this information until either the interview or a job offer which wasted everyones time at that point.

But hey,

“Nobody wants to work anymore”

[cowprintsillies]

Fic Update

Update for Ranboo’s Terrible No Good Guide to Freedom: The Long Way Round - Chapter 1 - CowPrintLilies, TheStanleyParableEnjoyer - Generation Loss (Web Series) [Archive of Our Own]

Haha I’m ignoring that i haven’t updated in three months ITS OK BECAUSE IM WRITING NOW AND I WONT BE LONG!! It’s getting done!! Soon to be posted!! Here’s an excerpt from the chapter in progress!!

---

The walk there is uneventful in a physical sense. Security, thank his lucky stars, hadn’t reared its ugly head yet as it so often did. Charlie wasn’t dumb enough to think it never would- he’d become intimately acquainted with its claws way too many times to think like that- but it wasn’t here yet. 

Emotionally, the walk there may as well have crushed him with a comically large piano and laughed in his face about it. Because something happened and they aren’t talking about it. Ranboo is the most courageous kid Charlie has ever met and probably ever will. Desperation only gets you so far and if that was all that was keeping Ranboo going they would’ve given up loops ago. Ranboo is one brave fucking kid. They had, for all intents and purposes, had to (whether those people came back or not) kill a lot of people to survive. And they had still gotten back up, gotten back to escaping. 

The kid trailing behind Charlie now looked like a few choice words would break them in half. It made something in Charlie’s chest crawl. Something not just happened, something changed. And he is going to fucking kill whoever did it if it’s the last thing he does.

Ranboo trips slightly as the flooring transitions from tile to carpeting.

Charlie doesn’t mention it.

The walk continues like this for the better part of 10 minutes. The odd Employee roamed idly about the floors, and Charlie would lead the way and Ranboo would follow meekly behind- save for whenever they steered Charlie from making a wrong turn. Sue him, he’s new to the whole “keeping his memories thing” and yes he may be a little bit overwhelmed with the whole thing because first of all it makes no logical sense for time to loop around them but then again Showfall Media makes no sense and he’s trying his best to be there for the kid because he gets a horrible familial burning in his collarbone whenever he thinks of what they went through and are still going through-

Ranboo tugs on the back of his shirt before Charlie walks into the side of a cabinet.

-and his internal monologue has become nonsensical rambling. Awesome, real helpful Charlie.

Ranboo is looking at him with the air of a kicked puppy. Or- no, more like the air of someone who just watched someone else shoot a puppy then put it in a meat grinder. Either way Charlie doesn’t like the expression on Ranboo's face. Their eyes don’t belong on someone so young. The poor kid looks like he’s been through the wars. It’s plain trauma. Charlie internally curses Hetch’s name into the dirt, as has slowly become a tradition whenever he thinks particularly hard about the situation. 

Charlie takes a moment to mentally slap himself back into the present moment, however shitty the present moment has proven to be, and takes stock of the surroundings. No immediate or imminent danger, save for himself almost giving himself a new bruise with that cabinet. Charlie then mentally slaps himself again because how had he managed to get so lost in his thoughts to not pay attention to where he was going? He knows first hand that this place is dangerous and he just daydreamed instead of looking out for Ranboo? Some good he’s doing.

First note of order is that they successfully reached the Puzzler’s Wardrobe Set which means that he can finally try and lighten the mood. 

Ranboo had been standing by Charlie, idly looking over the various assortments of clothes, wigs and miscellaneous items in an attempt to completely ignore the whole situation that had lead them here to begin with and had, like he said in his previous inner monologue: settled a growing rock of worry right in Charlie's chest. Whenever they notice Charlie looking at them they physically straighten up to try and look more put together than they clearly were. 

It’s weird. A lot of this situation is weird. Honestly weird is an understatement. Charlie should say something to break the strange silence coating the two of them, and he’s not sure why he can’t. A million words and questions come to mind such as are you ok what happened what did you see how can I make it better, all swirling and twisting together in one mass of fear, worry, anger and care. Everything knots together in his heart and by the time it’s reached his mouth no longer makes any sort of sense. He wants to say a lot of things. 

What's wrong?

Who hurt you?

What happened?

How can I help?

Please let me help you.

It will be ok.

But what came out of his mouth instead is-

“Want to dress up?”

[alexaatla]

gothcleats as songs from each of the taylor swift (yes that one) album

im so sick in the head about them and i haven’t made a post about them in a while so here ya go

DEBUT-Our Song

starting out with a soft silly one first, also scarys a musician so this makes sense 😽

lyrics: “Our song is the slamming screen door

Sneakin' out late, tapping on your window

When we're on the phone, and you talk real slow

'Cause it's late, and your mama don't know

Our song is the way you laugh

The first date, "Man, I didn't kiss her, and I should have"”

FEARLESS- The Way I Loved You

i know this song is about missing an ex and all, but in the context of gothcleats i want to interpret it like gothcleats in the “betrayal arc”

lyrics: “But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain

And it's 2 a.m. and I'm cursing your name

So in love that you act insane

And that's the way I loved you”

SPEAK NOW- The Story of Us

imo this is one of the most gothcleats songs of all time, again during the “betrayal arc” and it gives very big “enemies closer” vibes with being so close to each other but not knowing what to say. it’s also very much scarys POV

lyrics: “Oh, I'm scared to see the ending

Why are we pretending this is nothing?

I'd tell you I miss you but I don't know how

I've never heard silence quite this loud

Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room

And we're not speaking and I'm dying to know

Is it killing you like it's killing me? Yeah

I don't know what to say since the twist of fate

When it all broke down

And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now”

RED- I Almost Do

ep 25 core and also after the betrayal el oh el

lyrics: “I bet

You think I either moved on or hate you

'Cause each time you reach out there's no reply

I bet

It never ever occurred to you

That I can't say "Hello" to you

And risk another goodbye

And I just wanna tell you

It takes everything in me not to call you

And I wish I could run to you

And I hope you know that every time I don't

I almost do

I almost do

Oh, we made quite a mess, babe

It's probably better off this way

And I confess, babe

In my dreams you're touching my face

And asking me if I wanna try again with you

And I almost do”

1989-Out Of The Woods

this song is being able to make it through something difficult together, which is what gothcleats had been doing this entire fucking time, they just want to be out of the woods

lyrics: “Looking at it now

Last December

(Last December)

We were built to fall apart

Then fall back together

(Back together)

Ooh, your necklace hanging from my neck

The night we couldn't quite forget

When we decided, we decided

To move the furniture so we could dance

Baby, like we stood a chance

Two paper airplanes flying, flying, flying

And I remember thinking

Are we out of the woods yet?”

AND

“Remember when you hit the brakes too soon?

Twenty stitches in a hospital room

When you started crying, baby, I did too

But when the sun came up, I was looking at you

Remember when we couldn't take the heat?

I walked out, I said "I'm setting you free"

But the monsters turned out to be just trees

When the sun came up you were looking at me”

(also “looking at it now/ last december/ we were built to fall apart/ and fall back together” december is i’m pretty sure around when ep 31 with the fireball/ “you can try to kill me but i wont hurt you” scenario would fall timeline wise)

REPUTATION- King Of My Heart

there’s not much reason to this song other than just the vibe reminds me of them and they deserve to be happy 🫶

lyrics: “Salute to me, I'm your American Queen

And you move to me like I'm a Motown beat

And we rule the kingdom inside my room

'Cause all the boys and their expensive cars

With their Range Rovers and their Jaguars

Never took me quite where you do

And all at once, you are the one I have been waiting for

King of my heart, body and soul, ooh whoa”

AND

“Is this the end of all the endings?

My broken bones are mending

With all these nights we're spending

Up on the roof with a school girl crush

Drinking beer out of plastic cups

Say you fancy me, not fancy stuff

Baby, all at once, this is enough”

(honestly another good choice for this would’ve been dress and it might’ve fit better but I LOVE KOMH OKAY)

LOVER-The Archer

while a lot of the songs in lover are very soft and nice, and gothcleats well, isnt, The Archer i think shows scarys hesitancy to become close to link and the other teens, because people have left her continuously in the past. she doesn’t believe people should want to stay with her.

lyrics: “I've been the archer

I've been the prey

Screaming, who could ever leave me, darling?

But who could stay?

(I see right through me, I see right through me)

'Cause they see right through me

They see right through me

They see right through

Can you see right through me?

They see right through

They see right through me

I see right through me

I see right through me

All the king's horses, all the king's men

Couldn't put me together again

'Cause all of my enemies started out friends

Help me hold onto you”

FOLKLORE- exile

link defended scary for a lot of the things she did, despite her telling and proving to him that he shouldn’t have, he did. this song to me is directly after the death of tony pepperoni and realizing what she’s left him with.

lyrics: “And it took you five whole minutes

To pack us up and leave me with it

Holdin' all this love out here in the hall

I think I've seen this film before

And I didn't like the ending

You're not my homeland anymore

So what am I defending now?

You were my town

Now I'm in exile, seein' you out

I think I've seen this film before”

AND

“I can see you starin', honey

Like he's just your understudy

Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me

Second, third, and hundredth chances

Balancin' on breaking branches

Those eyes add insult to injury”

EVERMORE- right where you left me

wow gothcleats angst goes hard in evermore and folklore. this song shows the moment frozen in time of either link saying “get the fuck out of my house scary”

lyrics: “Help, I'm still at the restaurant

Still sitting in a corner I haunt

Cross-legged in the dim light

They say, "What a sad sight"

I, I swear you could hear a hair pin drop

Right when I felt the moment stop

Glass shattered on the white cloth

Everybody moved on

I, I stayed there

Dust collected on my pinned-up hair

They expected me to find somewhere

Some perspective, but I sat and stared”

AND

“Did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen?

Time went on for everybody else, she won't know it

She's still 23 inside her fantasy

How it was supposed to be

Did you hear about the girl who lives in delusion?

Break-ups happen every day, you don't have to lose it

She's still 23 inside her fantasy

And you're sitting in front of me”

MIDNIGHTS- Midnight Rain

something something scary growing up with a general lack of love in her life while link has felt nothing but something something

lyrics: “My boy was a montage

A slow-motion, love potion

Jumping off things in the ocean

I broke his heart 'cause he was nice

He was sunshine, I was midnight rain

He wanted it comfortable

I wanted that pain

He wanted a bride

I was making my own name

Chasing that fame

He stayed the same

All of me changed like midnight”

honorable mentions!

-dress

-back to december

-you belong with me

-the lucky one (hear me ou-)

in conclusion, i love them and taylor swift, thank you and goodnight

[loud-sturniolos]

hi guys🫶🏻 idk if anybody will see this but oh well🤷‍♂️

Sorry I haven’t been posting, I have major writers block, and have been dealing with a lot. Because of my writers block, I’ve tried moving onto digital art! I made an instagram account ( @xplr.dj ), so because I wont be posting on here for a while if you want you can follow that. On there I’ll mostly be doing art for Sam and Colby, but considering the triplets post more than them there will probably be a lot of triplets art too!

Love you all, see you either at my insta, or the next time I post here💙

[safetycar-restart]

ok ever since you first posted about boypussy mick I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. I think it’s such an underrated concept!

ok so when you first start with mick, he’s obviously really shy because he’s never had a a partner who’s accepting of him. but over time he gets bolder, and gets more confident. I think he’d get to a point where he’d love overstimulation, just being pleasures out of his mind to a point where he doesn’t have to think anymore and can’t control it. anyways. I love the concept. and all the rest of your writing!

I am ALWAYS willing to discuss boypussy Mick more (and just boypussy in general), so this is so good. And I'm so glad you like my writing!! I hope you like this one as well :))

So firstly, yeah Mick is so shy when you originally get with him. In fact it probably took him so long before he even lets you see him naked, because he's so sure you either wont accept him or will see him only as a sex object.

He thrives with you though, gaining confidence and acceptance with who he is (and maybe even daring to wear some cute panties once in a while). He begins to actually initiate sex, to show you how badly he wants it, how good you make him feel.

And yeah he LOVES overstimulation.

The first time you try overstimulation is actually the first time you go down on him? You dont push him hard, but he had told you that no one had ever made him cum with by going down on him and you were determined to change that.

Mick comes once and then immediately cums again, just a few seconds later. He pushes you away before you can make him cum a third time, but it shows you that he definitely could cum multiple times and keep it in the back of your mind to try that.

I also think that Mick's entire body goes limp? He just collapses, letting out little whines and gases as he tries to calm down. Which means it's so, so easy to just keep on going, to make him cum again and again because he doesnt have the strength to stop you.

And holy fuck Mick loves it. He loves how powerless he is, how he can just cum again and again and not have to think about a single thing. It's the only thing that completely quiets his mind, lets him focus on feeing alone.

A little bit of a sidenote but: I think you have to cup his pussy when you cuddle with him afterwards? Not play with him, just cupping his pussy with your hand and keeping it there. He'll whine and cry if you move your hand.

[neoriots]

are you still gonna consume dteam content while taking a step back from the fandom or are you completely breaking with it? just out of interest

im gonna be honest, this is a really hard question to answer. im gonna drop a cut bc i’ll probably ramble for a moment.

okay so i think for dream specifically, i don’t think i could go back to consuming his content to the level i was before like, ever. i think this was a rude slap of the rose colored glasses off my face that i can just.. never reconcile with, at least for like.. many years. i think i could stand to see him around, i think i could look at smth he’s posted and see it as i see Any person on the internet but i think that Connection with him is personally severed. i think most of that is less what Happened and more his reaction. i think it was irresponsible at best, gross and manipulative at worst.

i unfollowed his accounts, his notifications are off, i just cant let myself be part of His community that allowed a situation like this to even happen in the first place yknow? especially the reaction from the twt community at large, i just cannot support that. it disgusted me and it still Does disgust me. i think he needs to either completely step back from his community or massively rework it to fix some of the glaring issues in it because the way it runs is not healthy or normal at all anymore and i only realized that truly once i stepped back myself. i think a big part of being in his fandom Is defending him, justified or not, and i just can’t look at the past two years and the past week and do that anymore. i cant.

i think for snf i still have an attachment to them, that unless something drastically changed (god forbid.) i think i will continue to consume them but more casually than i did before. they are, as always, tied to him and its delusional to think i could completely support them and be in their fandom without being tied into dreams fandom as well. so i think i will consume their content and whatever else they do, but i wont be engaging in the fandom aspect as i did before publicly. it just seems irresponsible for me and i stand by that still.

i’ve been in the mcyt / gaming creator scene for over a decade now and it would be silly of me to act like i haven’t watched creators who did bad things in the past or even were friends with ones who did (not to drag him but markiplier is my boy and his relationship with pdp Still weighs on me sometimes—and im a rtah watcher and have been for a long time, have you seen the shit thats come out abt them every couple years? yeah.)

the truth is we don’t know these people, they are people on our screens making entertainment and you can never truly know whats going on behind the scenes and as a single person i know my opinions will never change anything so it’s stupid for me to pretend i have some moral high ground for being aware of glaring issues when theres millions who will move on in ignorant bliss of anything going on with their faves, but were watching it just the same. and its always been this way, its just easier to see the problems now with the connection social media gives us.

tldr; yes i will to an extent, but that could change as things change and develop and id be a hypocrite to act as if i wasn’t going to.

[drpepperenthusiastsblog]

i know i don’t post much on here anymore and it’s because i deleted the app. and i know i don’t have a lot of followers, and nobody will probably see this. or if they do they probably couldn’t do anything to help me.

for starters i’m not suicidal. i don’t want to kill myself. i haven’t done any harm to myself. and i don’t want to die.

i just want to be relieved. i want to remember what being happy truly feels like without having to go great lengths searching for it. i want to live boldly without hating myself and my life every second.

i don’t have diagnosed depression. i don’t have any mental illnesses, i am just a sad person. it might be the change in weather or it could just be that sometimes i feel like i am the loneliest person in the world.

i have friends and resources. none of which that i could truly reach out to and tell them how i feel. i’m afraid they wouldn’t care. i hope they would but i can’t guarantee that they would. i like my friends. i don’t like my life. i don’t like myself. i don’t like waking up in the morning feeling dread for the rest of the day. i don’t like feeling bad about myself all the time.

my friend recently moved away as well too so i guess that’s also a contributing factor. i don’t smile or laugh as much anymore. i try to keep up the positivity because i know i wont feel like this forever. but sometimes even i doubt my own hopes. am i just trying to hold onto the thought of someday getting better just to keep myself from feeling like this? most likely. i don’t know how to stop myself from feeling this way.

i don’t trust the school counselor because i don’t want her to keep a file about my problems. and i don’t want her to tell my parents because i know they’d worry about me. they already worry about me. but i don’t want people to worry. i want people to listen.

i was fine when i had my best friend zach. he usually keeps my days going. but now i don’t think he enjoys my company as much as he used to. and it hurts. i wish he felt the same way about me as i do about him. and to be clear i do not have a crush on him. i do not have feelings for him. i just wish i was a priority to him. i wish our conversations made him feel the way they make me feel. they’re everything to me. he is everything to me.

i’m slowly slipping away from everything else and i can feel it. i can feel myself getting farther and farther from myself and who i want to be. i don’t do my homework. the weather makes me tired. i am anxious and upset at the world and myself. i am not a pretty girl. boys don’t like me. girls don’t like me as much either. i have friends but none of which really care about my personal life. i’d hate to be a nuisance to them. it’s hard watching everyone else in your life living happily, while you’re trying not to drown in the waves. and i’m slowly drowning. i just hope i can be pulled out in time.

if i get happier i’ll let you know. but if i don’t i’ll let you know that too. i’ll try to keep up. i’ll try to stay motivated.

and to whoever is reading this, i thank you. thank you for listening to me when nobody else could.

love,

izzy

[velveteen-leaves]

I’m reading the comics, and the more I think about Sandman’s ending, the more I worry about how Netflix will adapt it, so here are my thoughts. (Spoiler warning for the comics, obviously)

I feel like Netflix wont want to adapt Morpheus’ death. I’ve seen a few people online complain about having watched Sandman and then gone on to read the comics or spoil the comics for themselves, only to express their sadness and anger at what happens. And I’d like to say, I agree with them– I know Sandman is a purposeful tragedy and it’s meant to make you upset, but at the end of the day I’m only human and I don’t want one of my favorite fictional characters to suffer, sue me. But that just makes me think, these people have got to be in the majority opinion here. I don’t know any of the statistics for what perfect of Sandman viewers have/haven’t read the comics, but I would imagine that lots of them haven’t, and out of that group, plenty of them probably don’t expect it to take such a tragic turn.

Because it will end up being a twist, I’m fairly sure of it. It’s obvious in the comics that Morpheus isn’t okay, and even more so that the people around him don’t seem to notice because “that’s just how he is, you get used to it”. (The first thing to come to mind is Merv telling Lucien that Dream is being dramatic about Thessaly again, when really he’s grieving his son’s death– no one thought to ask him if he was alright, they just went on like normal) But in the show, it seems less so. You can tell in the comics Morpheus has issues, but in the TV show, it’s more lighthearted. Someone made a post somewhere on here pointing out that the show is more kind to its characters; John Dee doesn’t kill Rosemary, Unity and Desire are in love rather than one assaulting the other, etc. I’m glad that the show is lighter, I think it was a nice change. However, I also understand that it’s setting a somewhat false pretense for new fans who have no idea what’s in store for the show if it gets a full run, and I also think that Netflix is well aware of the fact that these show-only fans will be furious if the Morpheus they’ve grown to love over the course of 3 or 4 seasons gets killed off “out of nowhere”. Which leads me to the few options I think Netflix will end up considering. 

The first is a fully faithful TV show adaptation. They accurately portray Morpheus’ battle with suicidal thoughts and he ultimately dies tragically– Neil Gaiman is happy, comic fans are happy, TV show fans (the ones Netflix cares most about) are decidedly not. These fans might leave bad reviews and scare off any potential future watchers, or stop watching the show altogether, assuming there is more content to be made out of Overture, Endless Nights, etc. It’d appeal to showrunners and fans of the comic but would be an awful business decision.

Second option is that they drop the show. Netflix understands that Neil Gaiman and comic fans both want a comic-accurate portrayal, but if comic readers are in the minority of the viewers of the show, they’ll be ignored. So, if Netflix isn’t allowed to drastically change the script and keep Morpheus alive, they won’t kill him off, either, and just end the show and leave it open to interpretation for all fans. It’s unclear how many people would be upset versus happy over this, because it would depend whether Netflix was going to originally kill off Morpheus or not. If they made this show with the intention of keeping him alive and discovered that it *really* wasn’t allowed once they finally get to season 4, well...they won’t be happy, so no one gets to be. There’s also an option 2.5 here, where they could include Morpheus’ death, but they botch it terribly somehow out of spite for Gaiman or comic fans wanting them to properly kill him– it’s extremely petty, but who’s to say they wouldn’t?

Third option is that they keep him alive. This, I think, is the least likely. Even though I’m a terrible fan of the comics for wanting Morpheus alive and well and very much so wanting this to happen (sorry neil for not appreciating the modern greek tragedy of it enough), I can’t imagine Neil lets it happen. Season one was incredibly faithful to the comics, and the only changes made were either ones to make it less dark for Netflix (as I mentioned before), or things to do with the timeline shift, like Dream missing his 1989 meeting with Hob because the show takes place 30 years later. The accuracy of season one is something that everyone and their mothers has praised vehemently, so I would be really surprised if not only the showrunners were totally fine with a complete 180º of loyalty, but comic fans, too. They’d probably consider it because it would appeal most to show-only Sandman fans, and they have begun to set it up at least a little bit (Daniel plotline change, Dream has faster character development, so on and so forth), but it just seems very improbable. Undoubtedly its something Netflix has considered but I’d be shocked if they go through with it. 

TL;DR: Because of how many show-only Sandman fans get upset when they learn about Morpheus’ death in the comics, I think netflix will have to either piss off show fans, comic fans, or the writers of the comics when they choose how to adapt his death. It’ll probably come down to a matter of “who makes us the most money and how do we keep them happy”, and my guess is that it’ll be the show-only fans, or, they try to appeal to everyone all at once and do a horrendous job at it.

[tfw-no-tennis]

tfes thoughtz

not quite a liveblog as I am wont to do but ruth and I watched tf earthspark so I figured id write down scattered thoughts bc who KNOWS when the next eps are dropping and id love to remember what I think of things whenever that rolls around

so let me start off by saying this show is banger. we rlly like it so far awww

still also gotta say rip cyberverse, that show was SO good and died too soon :( 

but yeah I like this show a lot!!! I rlly dig how it looks, I wasn’t sure about the art style/3d animation at first but it looks really good. better than cyberverse if I'm honest (sorry cybv your budget probably wasn’t as good its not ur fault)

I loooove that we’re starting off at an interesting point in which the autobot-decepticon war is over and has been for a while, and megatron is on the same side as the bots, but there’s still conflict....LOVE IT 

cyberverse was also based for having the war going on but in a different way than shows usually did, and having the sides kind of aware of how fruitless the fighting was, and then eventually w the quintessons the two sides had to unite. anyways I have a whole separate post on cyberverse so I should chill 

the human characters are great. I feel like there's the right amount of focus on them and I really dig the family dynamic we’re getting. the kids are cute and fun and I love their relationships w/the bots...I love that mo calls OP “mr optimus” awww

I love the parents also. alex husband of the year he’s so great. and dorothy is so cool and I LOVE her and megatron. they’re like platonic malewife-girlboss. power bffs. 

LOVE how she doesn’t like OP but like megatron. SO funny. 

I really enjoy that the robots aren’t ‘in disguise’ either - the world seems to be aware of them and their existence and the war that went on. that’s cool! I like that a lot; ik the tagline for tf is ‘robots in disguise’ and all but if u think about it they weren’t really hidden in g1 even

Love that there’s comics about the tfs in canon too

I really like this bumblebee!! his design is so cute and I really appreciate that he isn’t ‘the kid’ in this, and has to assume a more mentor-like role. very cool and entertaining

ok and the terrans are adorable. theyre just babies and I love them. I looove how they were adopted into the malto family its so cute. I’m enjoying them and their antics and I feel like there’s a great mix of cute hijinks w/them learning how to be tfs, and also with other plot stuff 

LOOOOVE the plot implications. JUICY!!!!!!!!!! GHOST is so fucking sketchy I LOVE THAT. I love that OP is working for them, and has a sense of ‘I’m doing this for the greater good/this is a means to an end (the end being peace)’ but OP seems to know that GHOST is sketchy as fuck - with him hiding the terrans’ existence and bumblebee being alive from them...but also he tells megatron to give them a chance, which is very OP of him, so that makes sense, but I’m curious if it’ll blow up in his face ((it totally will))

megatron was RIGHT in that one ep where he was trashing GHOST. them having all those cons locked up is bad news. and ruth pointed out that we haven’t even seen who’s in charge of GHOST which is pretty concerning.

also I can’t believe that one agent guy isn’t voiced by will arnett bc he totally sounds like him 

I super loved the flashbacks of the cybertronian history that were animated in g1 style :’) it reminded me of in tfa where they used clips from g1 as part of the history lesson 

I loooove megatron in this show he’s so cool. he gives me some mtmte megatron vibes - he basically says that he agreed to join GHOST/the autobot side in order to protect the cons from worse consequences. I’m interested to hear more about the war and what went on. I’d love some war flashbacks personally

I like that he clearly doesn’t want to hurt the decepticons or hand them over to GHOST, and also the cons think of him as a traitor, but it seems rough for cons out there. what else are they gonna do?

I think it would be epic if they paralleled OP and megatron - with OP joining up with GHOST bc he think he’s doing the right thing for his species and humans, only to discover that GHOST is fr bad news - and megatron binding himself to service w/GHOST and the autobots in exchange for supposed safety (?or something? Not super clear what the cons/megatron got out of that bargain) for the cons, only to discover (as he basically already did) that the cons aren’t doing great out there and they think of him as a traitor

also mandroid is actually pretty interesting for a human villain. I was expecting not to like him (espec at the beginning, he reminded me of silas from tfp who ended up being a nuisance and didn’t really have a point in the plot imo) bc tf human villains are more often miss than hit but he’s interesting 

I like that he has pretty legit reasons to want to get rid of the “invasive species” (as a biologist I love that phrasing), after he got drafted into the war and then injured in friendly fire

LOVED the part where he talks about this and dot is like ‘yeah I also got injured in the war and that sucks for us but I’m judging you based on your actions and YOU suck’ that was so epic she’s so epic and cool

and he knows alex??? ?? fruity ????? are they exes??? whats the vibe. I bet alex used to work for GHOST and that’s how he and dot met

having a whole ass giant robot arm is wild tho. no way that’s how it works bro 

also what happened to swindle. he was so funny. he sounds like meowth from the 4kidz dub lmfao 

SOUNDWAVE BRO I fucking love him. icon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am SO happy that his cassettes are here and actually turn into cassettes and not other more modern stuff. I love that anachronism sm 

thank god frenzy is here. I hope rumble shows up too (tho bumblebee talking about how one of the cassettes exploded ???? hi????)

we saw starscream for like 0.2 seconds but I’m ready for him to cause havoc like the annoying bitch he is <333 

super interesting that the world is cut off from cybertron and has been for quite a while. I think OP also mentioned that the cybertronians on earth are likely the last of their kind - I’m curious if that’s true or if there’s a bunch of them on cybertron a la the 1984 movie. I bet there is, no way cybertron is empty. pleaseeee I want hot rod and ultra magnus and all them I’d cry 

also congrats to skywarp and nova storm and frenzy on the transgenderism <3 

oh yeah and I LOVE arcee. she’s like Question Authority Barbie. Bite Chomp Kill Barbie. SO good. I love her design and alt mode and how she taught the kids not to blindly follow the people in charge. ICON. 

the 3 new bots are cute, but ruth and I couldn’t get over the fact that they were born and then IMMEDIATELY thrown into a conflict before even getting alt modes. omg 

ruth: ‘they already have blue hair and pronouns tho!’

LMFAO TRUTH. I LOVEEEE that nightshade goes by they/them :’) we didn’t expect that at all and it was such a good surprise 

also hashtag gay???? #GAY???? 

can’t BELIEVE that bot is named hashtag. immmmmm 

tho ruth and I both agree that the cast is full enough and having 3 new terrans might be too much, so we’ll see how that goes - I kinda feel like they’ll end up more on the periphery and only show up sometimes. we’ll see tho! 

holy SHIT the fight scenes bro. specifically in the last 2 eps, oh my GOD. SOOOO fucking juicy. I’m gonna make a separate post abt that but they were EXCELLENT. one place I think cyberverse was weak in was the fight scenes - in s1 I would say they were actively boring (sorry cybv ily) and they got better but still were a bit clunky and awkward and formulaic. I feel like it was due to animation/budget constrictions more than anything 

but yeah these fights scenes rocked. I especially love the 2d smoke and fire effects 

I just wanna know more about the war too!!! like mandroid got injured, it seems, from friendly fire - did Dot as well? is that why she doesn’t seem to like or trust OP as much? 

also megatron has been working w them for 15 years - what were the previous 15 years like? what was the war like? why were they fighting? what exactly made them stop? how many other tfs are on earth? when did GHOST start being a thing? are there gonna be combiners???? I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS. 

biggest Q is when are the next eps coming out. pls not in like 6 mos. 

also w the fight scenes. skywarp’s warping looks SO FUCKING COOOOOL I’m so glad. yesssss 

I feel kinda bad for the cons tbh. they seem scattered and lost, with no real leader, and they’re apparently disappearing (presumably mandroid) or being imprisoned by GHOST, who I'm SURE doesn’t have any ill intentions...I wonder if the show will continue to take a more sympathetic approach to the cons (kinda like mtmte, where they kinda had a point at the beginning before they lost the thread w/all the murdering and whatnot)

also I love everyone’s designs generally but I still think OPs face looks weird hgfajkdfksjndfkj whenever he has the faceplate off I'm like Put That Back On Please. 

I like that the humans are directly involved in the plot in a way that makes sense bc the human world has already been to war with/alongside the tfs, so there are a ton of different relationships that humans can have w/the tfs. this is way more interesting than st like tfp, which I think did a pretty bad job integrating the humans, or tfa, which had Sari w/a macguffin that was plot-important in order to keep her involved 

tbf that’s kinda going on w/the kids having links to the terrans but I like the way it’s played out so far. I love the suggestions of lore we’ve gotten too, w/quintus prime and stuff

also they’ve made a point of showing that symbol in the cave where the terrans were born MORE THAN ONCE, and it totally looks like those spiderbots, so I’m thinking there’s definitely a connection there. something weird is going on 

ok also SUPER fucking funny that wheeljack showed up and found out he kinda has a kid and IMMEDIATELY decides he’s a deadbeat dad hvbkjdsfbjksandfkl. I mean he came around in the end but that was so fucking funny. PLEASE SIR 

when they bonded by shooting at each other (lmao? classic tfs) and then twitch was like aww lets hug and he didn’t even notice lmfao sir plssss 

I wonder if the dinobots will show up and if they’ll still have been created by wheeljack (and ratchet) like in g1 

also kind of hilarious how megatron was like ‘no I don’t wanna hurt the cassettes’ and then when the seekers attacked he was like ‘fuck them kids’ and went all out fighting them lmao 

I’m super curious how the megatron starscream dynamic will be in this show 

oh yeah and ruth pointed out that it’s interesting that the three new terrans are bigger than the original 2 terrans and I feel like it’s bc they were created DURING an active conflict and basically got MTO’d into a fight. Ls 

firstborn vs secondborn vibes lmfao 

ok and quintus prime....r we gonna get quintessons. hello. I would LOVE that the quintessons are like my fav antagonists (especially in cyberverse they were so good. man I should rewatch cyberverse) 

I think the quintessons are perfect villains for cases like this where the autobots and decepticons aren’t fighting each other. I’d love to see the quintessons as the villains after GHOST is dealt with 

maybe the tfs on cybertron are already dealing w/the quintessons? 

omfg and the ep where bumblebee is trying to call OPs comm and megatron and then elita pick up instead ?? hello ??? polycule?????

I wanna see more of elita 1 too! shes so cool 

also I kinda belatedly realized that this megatron doesn’t seem to have the same dislike for organics/earth people as he does in a lot of other media (most notably in idw1). that’s interesting and I like that we’re exploring a different side of his character, and I like seeing humans hanging with him. he and dot are great and I hope we get more of them, including flashbacks

anywaysss that’s all the thoughts I have for now, tune in for more next time byeeee