#i literally started shaking writing this and thinking abt posting it so sorry if this makes no sense

[neoriots]

are you still gonna consume dteam content while taking a step back from the fandom or are you completely breaking with it? just out of interest

im gonna be honest, this is a really hard question to answer. im gonna drop a cut bc i’ll probably ramble for a moment.

okay so i think for dream specifically, i don’t think i could go back to consuming his content to the level i was before like, ever. i think this was a rude slap of the rose colored glasses off my face that i can just.. never reconcile with, at least for like.. many years. i think i could stand to see him around, i think i could look at smth he’s posted and see it as i see Any person on the internet but i think that Connection with him is personally severed. i think most of that is less what Happened and more his reaction. i think it was irresponsible at best, gross and manipulative at worst.

i unfollowed his accounts, his notifications are off, i just cant let myself be part of His community that allowed a situation like this to even happen in the first place yknow? especially the reaction from the twt community at large, i just cannot support that. it disgusted me and it still Does disgust me. i think he needs to either completely step back from his community or massively rework it to fix some of the glaring issues in it because the way it runs is not healthy or normal at all anymore and i only realized that truly once i stepped back myself. i think a big part of being in his fandom Is defending him, justified or not, and i just can’t look at the past two years and the past week and do that anymore. i cant.

i think for snf i still have an attachment to them, that unless something drastically changed (god forbid.) i think i will continue to consume them but more casually than i did before. they are, as always, tied to him and its delusional to think i could completely support them and be in their fandom without being tied into dreams fandom as well. so i think i will consume their content and whatever else they do, but i wont be engaging in the fandom aspect as i did before publicly. it just seems irresponsible for me and i stand by that still.

i’ve been in the mcyt / gaming creator scene for over a decade now and it would be silly of me to act like i haven’t watched creators who did bad things in the past or even were friends with ones who did (not to drag him but markiplier is my boy and his relationship with pdp Still weighs on me sometimes—and im a rtah watcher and have been for a long time, have you seen the shit thats come out abt them every couple years? yeah.)

the truth is we don’t know these people, they are people on our screens making entertainment and you can never truly know whats going on behind the scenes and as a single person i know my opinions will never change anything so it’s stupid for me to pretend i have some moral high ground for being aware of glaring issues when theres millions who will move on in ignorant bliss of anything going on with their faves, but were watching it just the same. and its always been this way, its just easier to see the problems now with the connection social media gives us.

tldr; yes i will to an extent, but that could change as things change and develop and id be a hypocrite to act as if i wasn’t going to.

[moonstruckme]

hiii!! i love your writing so much i think i’ve read every single thing you’ve ever posted. i’m genuinely obsessed 🫶🫶 i was wondering if you could write something where the reader and remus have been dating/talking for a little while and she hasn’t had her first kiss yet and she starts to get nervous everytime she thinks he’s abt to kiss her and she runs away?? i’m ngl this is based off of very real events in my life 😭😭

i love you so much!! hope your doing amazing

Hi gorgeous, thanks so much! This is soooo relatable of you haha, I have a library of hilarious stories about my very hyper friend who kept literally springing away from guys she liked who were trying to kiss her, but it does make for some very interesting (and often very sweet) conversations!

Remus Lupin x fem!reader ♡ 1k words

On your first official date with Remus, the two of you went to a drive-in movie. You kept your seatbelt on the entire time. 

You only realized halfway through, mentally kicking yourself for being so jittery you’d lost all sense of normalcy, but by then it felt too late. It’d be awkward to take it off halfway through the movie, try to play that off as casual. You’d made your bed. You didn’t unbuckle until Remus dropped you off at your house at the end of the night. 

On your second date, you’re determined to be less uptight. You want him to know that you really do like him, even if your nerves make you jump and flinch whenever he gets close. At the Italian restaurant, it’s difficult to find a pasta dish without garlic, but you manage it. You’re a girl with an agenda. The two of you split a chocolate cake for dessert. It’s delicious, probably, though you can’t focus on much besides Remus’ story and the way his mouth moves as he tells it. How he tucks one corner of his bottom lip between his teeth when he’s trying to hide a smile. 

You have to hope belatedly that you haven’t somehow smeared chocolate all over your face while eating. You’re not at all confident you would’ve noticed. 

It’s a short walk back to your place, and you manage to jabber the whole way, a masterclass in self-sabotage. Remus doesn’t seem to mind, his hand light and cordial on your back as he guides you up the steps to your door. You savor the touch. It takes every ounce of willpower you have not to spring away. 

“It sounds really interesting,” he says graciously as you finish your tangent about the book you’ve just read. “I’ll have to pick up a copy.” 

“I can lend you mine,” you offer. “Maybe I can bring it the next time we hang out?” Your voice tips up hopefully at the end of the question, and warmth touches your cheeks. 

A similar pinkening spreads across Remus’ freckles. He smiles at you, the scar across his lip stretching. You’re spellbound. 

“Yeah, that sounds great.” You might be imagining it, but you could swear his eyes flit to your lips. “I had a great time tonight,” he says. “I really like talking to you.” 

Your voice is soft. “I like talking to you, too.” 

He takes a step towards you, and it’s like your muscles stage a coup. You take an involuntary step backward, a smile plastering itself uncomfortably on your face. 

“Thanks for everything,” you say brightly. “Goodnight!”

You spin and go for the door handle, and you’re nearly inside before you hear Remus’ quiet “Wait.” 

You turn. Lead in your bones. 

Remus is holding his palms up as if to show you he’s got no weapon. 

“Sorry,” he says, “I just wanted to…you know I’d never do anything you didn’t want me to, right?” 

You’re frozen stiff. 

“Like, even if I thought there was a chance you didn’t want to, I would never…” He shakes his head, looking lost. Guilt settles like a stone in your gut. “I guess I’m a bit confused. If you don’t want to do anything, that’s completely fine, but sometimes it seems like you want me to kiss you, and then you don’t…” 

“Rem,” you say. You feel like you’re breathing through a straw. “Remus, I’m so sorry.” 

“Don’t be sorry, sweetheart, it’s not your fault—” 

“No, it is. It’s not—I don’t want you to think I’m scared of you or anything. I’m not, it’s just, I get skittish.” You can’t make yourself look at his eyes, your gaze stuck just shy of his chin. Your face feels aflame. “It’s not you. I’m just nervous.” 

“Oh.” It’s a soft thing, more exhale than anything. Then his fingers curl under your chin, tipping your face up. “Well, you can relax, love. I was never going to make a move unless I got a clear signal from you first. But we can just take that off the table completely, if you’d like.” He gives you a small, gentle smile. “I only want you to feel comfortable.” 

Your heart zings right up into your throat. “I do feel comfortable,” you blurt. “I don’t want it off the table.” 

Remus’ eyebrows flick upwards. “You don’t?” 

“No,” you murmur, bashful. 

His eyebrows come slowly back down, puckering slightly as he tries to figure you out. His eyes narrow until his lashes kiss. His tongue pokes into his cheek, just a little. You miss nothing. You find yourself taking in a quiet breath, steeling yourself. 

You move across that tiny bit of air between you and find him there waiting.

It’s everything you could’ve hoped for and yet startlingly simple. Remus’ lips are warm and soft, pressing into yours with an intensity that you suspect is nonetheless restrained for your benefit. He tastes like chocolate cake. 

His mouth meanders over to the corner of your lips, granting one quick peck to your cheek before making its way back to the center of your mouth, reverent. He backs away slowly, easing you out of it. 

“Wasn’t really expecting that,” he admits.

“Me neither. Was it alright?” Your voice is a bit breathy. “I’ve never done that before.” 

For a moment, he’s quiet. 

“That was your first kiss?” 

You swallow, rubbing your lips together as you nod. 

“Sweetheart,” he grins, “you’re a natural.” 

A giggle spurts out of you, dizzy with the taste of him and the novelty of it all. “You mean it?” 

“I wouldn’t lie to you.” He mimes drawing a cross over his heart. It occurs to you that you both seem infinitely more at ease than you have since dinner. The corner of Remus’ bottom lip goes between his teeth, his cheek dimpling. “I mean, there is something to be said for practice, though.” 

You don’t fight your own grin; it comes out in full force. “Mm, I think I’ve heard something about that. Practice makes…defective, right? Something like that.” 

“C’mere.” Remus rolls his eyes at you, but as his arms wrap around you his smile mirrors yours. 

[ddejavvu]

Hey I have this Eddie idea! Maybe lame but yknow how guitar players tend to have calloused fingers/hands? Let's say his gf went to watch corroded coffin perfom & it was his best yet; Eds just totally shredding on that guitar causing the calluses to bust open & bleed :( do ya think u could write something abt the reader patching his hands/fingers up after his show?? I imagine him bein totally hyped up on adrenaline like "whoa babe did you SEE THAT?!" while also bein a very needy & lovesick boy 🥺

cont: Continuing off that last part, Eddie just becomes so enthralled at the idea of someone nurturing and loving him so much while his gf patches him up. Sorry i couldn't fit the entire idea on one post but yeah. I've often thought about Eddie's possible musical injuries haha 😄

i'd literally give up my sense of taste to be able to patch him up after a concert.

--

Nothing pumps eddie with adrenaline more than performing. Something about the dingy bar lighting, the sticky floor beneath his boots, and the amalgamation of drunk middle aged men and his closest friends cheering him on has energy racing through him.

That's why it's so difficult to corral him so that you can fix the busted callouses on his fingers. He obviously isn't able to play with bandages on his fingers, he tells you very emphatically that they wouldn't be good for shredding, so they have to be administered after the show, when the damage has already been done.

"-you see that?! Like, that had to be the best show we've ever done. I was- man I was killing it! The guy in front of me was filming." He reminds you proudly, as if the camcorder hadn't been in your line of sight the entire time he'd been using it to record the performance, "I think he's a scout or something. He's gonna send it to a producer, 'make us big."

"I'll have to tour with you," You hum, fingers wrapping one of Eddie's own with a plain brown bandage, "You'll need a medic for after your solos."

Eddie's brows furrow, and he glances down at your hands, suddenly aware of your touch. He realizes with a start that he's bleeding, too busy rambling before to feel the sting of his cuts.

"Oh shit," He mumbles, staring at the bandage on his pointer finger. You reach for his middle, crouched by his feet to have a better view of his injuries.

"'Must've busted when I was playing," He hums, brain still whirring with excitement.

You nod, humming in agreement, "Probably. Unless you were playing with a cactus I didn't see?"

"Yeah, it's back there," He gestures to a corner of the room that you know full well does not have a cactus in it, giggling softly as you squint at his blister. You're making sure that no residual blood is left on the skin, the cotton ball in your hand stained a murky crimson, when you feel Eddie's lips against your temple, his neck craned down to reach you.

"Thanks for patching me up," He murmurs, his voice soft against your skin.

You preen under his affection, eyes scrunching in a smile as you nod, "Mhm. Can't let you drive with bloody hands."

"'Sounds kinda metal," He muses, and you know he's joking, that he won't actually smear blood over his steering wheel. Still, you jerk your head towards his guitar, the thin strings tinged red.

"I think that's just about the most metal thing you could have." You finish dabbing away at his blood, wrapping one last bandage around his cut, "You'll have to leave it all bloody and sell it when you get big."

"No way." He shakes his head, curls flying, "I'd never sell it."

"Why not?"

You're expecting a rant about his sweetheart, how he could never bear to part with the guitar that had carried him through so many shows. But he surges his head forwards, eyes narrowed in an incredulous stare, "Uh, 'cause then someone could clone me?"

[geekforhorror]

i hope it’s ok but i just saw your post abt wanting more sub ani content and i literally was thinking about him last night; like him being tied up to where he can’t touch you or himself, and youre just saying the filthiest and meanest stuff and ofc the occasional praise but he just can’t handle it because although you’ve only been teasing him for an hour he feels like it’s been five so he just starts sobbing and begging to touch you or at least to let him touch himself, but he’s crying so his begging just sounds like gasps and ‘pleases’ and he’s just stuttering but he takes it, he takes it because he wants to be good, he wants to show he can take whatever you give, and ofc at some point you give him that satisfaction he needs so bad and it all ends in the most romantic and sweet aftercare

but yeah just a thought (also sorry i didn’t mean to write too much 😭, also i love your blog and your works 💗)

I FUCKING LOVE THIS REQUEST OMG ALSO THANK U FOR THE KIND WORDS :)))

cruel passion

pairing: rots!anakin x fem!reader

warning(s): SMUT (DNI IF YOU’RE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH IT!), dom!reader, sub!anakin, ani being whiny, reader is kinda mean, edging, unprotected sex, eventual p in v sex, handjob, depiction of bdsm, bondage, use of handcuffs, teasing, dirty talk, pet names, praise, degradation, dacryphilia?, fluff, aftercare, etc.

word count: 1.6k

If he only knew what he was in for tonight when he came home. He sure as hell wouldn’t have thought that you were going to be like this— so dominant and powerful.

“You want me huh?” you cooed as you were currently fucking with him. He was cuffed to the headboard and forced to watch you play with yourself for the past hour. You had brought out the toys that he loved to use on you, but couldn’t do anything about it as you came time and time again right in front of him. He took in the way your arousal covered your thighs, how your body was glistening from beads of sweat, and the way you were quivering from your own touch.

“Mmm… Feels so good Ani…” you let out with a moan as your fingers delved deeper in your walls.

“Baby, please…” he lets out.

“Please what?” you ask in a mocking tone.

“Ple- Please let-,” he says in a whimpery tone.

“Oh I know what you want baby… you want to touch me, don’t you?” you say to him teasingly.

The way you talked to him should’ve made him mad. It usually would’ve, but he was too far gone and desperate to feel that way. With each word you spoke, he felt his cock throb and get harder at your actions and words. It was agonizing and he just wanted a release. He didn’t even care what he got it from. Whether it was you giving him a handjob, head, or even sinking down on his aching dick, he didn’t care. He was desperate and you were making this torturous for him.

“Y-Yes.” he manages to say, still tripping over his words.

“It’s so cute when you’re a whimpering mess for me,” you say with a grin.

“I need to touch you,” he says in a shaking voice, now letting tears fall down his cheeks.

“Here’s what’s going to happen, sweetheart. You’re going to be a good boy for me and take what I give you or else, you won’t get to touch me at all. Understand?” you say. You see his eyes dim a bit at your statement before nodding his head, but they’re still filled with lust and need. He knew better than to disobey you when you took the reins because he knew you would fulfill your nasty promise. He told himself he would have to take it.

“Now watch me,” you say before grabbing his chin and lifting it upwards so you guys could make eye contact. You continue fingering yourself at a faster pace now in an attempt to make yourself cum and make Anakin harder.

“Fuck! Fuck…” you scream with no intention of quieting down at all. Your noises sent Anakin head back, hitting his head on the headboard in doing so. He brushed off the pain and looked back at you so you wouldn’t punish him even more.

“Fuck baby, you’re so beautiful,” Anakin mutters loud enough for you to hear while you were lost in the ecstasy of your own fingers. He notices how shaky your legs were from your own overstimulation and he knew you were close. That’s how well he knew your pretty little body. Your chest was heaving at this point, which made your hardened tits slightly bounce in the air. Maker, he was so hard. He knew that as soon as you touched him, he would be a fucking goner.

With a few more rough thrusts of your fingers, you cum once more, only adding more of a mess on your thighs and the sheets. You gasped at your unexpected high and pulled your messy fingers out of your cunt, revealing them to Anakin.

“Do you wanna suck them? Who am I kidding? Of course you want to… because you’re a little slut, Ani,” you spat.

“Can I?” he asks.

“Yes baby. You can,” you say agreeably before inserting them in his warm mouth and cleaning your fingers.

“Tastes so good, my love,” he says with an awestruck look on his face.

“Glad you think so, sweetie,” you reply with a grin. “Since you were such a good boy, you can touch me under one condition. I’m gonna put your hand wherever I want it to be and you won’t complain,” you say demandingly.

“But baby… I want to touch you by myself,” he complains in a whiny voice.

“Was that backtalk, baby? I sure hope it wasn’t for your sake,” you say with intrigue.

Anakin knew he fucked up.

“N-No baby, I promise it wasn’t… I’ll be good for you…” he trails off.

“That’s what I like to hear,” you scoff. “Don’t make me change my mind,” you continue.

“I promise I won’t,” he says.

“Good,” you grit. Without hesitation, you grab ahold of his restrained hand and start dragging it across your body. He feels his breath hitch in his chest when you drag it over your swollen breasts. You make him pinch the flesh, which caused you to let out a breathy sigh.

“Where do you want to touch me?” you ask him.

“I wanna touch your pussy,” he admits.

“My pussy, huh?” you ask rhetorically sounding amused.

“Yeah, fuck… I want to touch it more than anything,” Anakin admits.

“Maker, I fucking love it when you say shit like that,” you whisper in his ear. His words prompt you to get on top of him until you are completely straddling him. “I’ll do you one better since you were such a good whore for me, Ani,” you say as you unfasten his belt before throwing it to the ground. You hastily throw his pants down and don’t waste anytime before taking off his boxers. The sight surprises you beyond belief. You had seen his erected dick many times, but this was unlike anything you had seen before. It was all swollen from your relentless teasing earlier and you couldn’t help but chuckle that you had been the cause of all of this.

“All for me, huh?” you ask him.

“Mhm…” he lets out.

“Getting off on watching my little show is beyond desperate, y’know that right?” you chuckle with a glint of approval in your voice. He has no verbal response and instead nods his head.

“I think it’s hot though,” you say with a smile.

“Does this mean I don’t have to be handcuffed anymore?” he asks genuinely.

“Maybe,” you reply in a singsong voice before extending your arm to reach for the key that was resting on your nightstand. Once you finally grasp it, you move your arm towards him again before inserting the key into the hole that would set him free. You do the same to the other before he throws the handcuffs to the side and have you feverishly kiss him while you’re now on top of him.

“Sweetheart, you don’t know what that does to me,” he says in your ear.

“I think I have a pretty good idea,” you counter seductively. “ Now let me take care of you.” you continue.

You then sink down onto his aching cock and the sound of gasps from both of you filled your ears. You couldn’t hold back any longer before you’re now bouncing up and down on his cock, your tits bouncing in his face as you do so. He fondles one with his hand and starts sucking away at the supple skin. Despite only being seated on him for such a short time, you can feel his cock harshly split you open until your cunt is nothing more than all achy and raw. Even though this was his reward, it was also yours too because you had yearned to be in this situation again.

Your hands find their way to his hips before you push against them, making him go faster. His moans are quickly filling the room, but he was too fucked out to care. He just wanted to focus on the way you felt around him.

“Just like that, my pretty boy… just like that,” you praise as you tilt your head back at how good he was filling you up with his dick. Your words only egg him on even further and cause him to pick up a faster pace. You knew he was close by the way his hips were stuttering and how sloppy his movements had become.

“Feels so good, angel” he cries out, tears falling from his ethereal ocean blue eyes.

“Fuck… Ani!” you scream as you slightly bite into his shoulder.

You don’t know if it’s from the overstimulation that causes both of you to cum without warning, but it makes your vision blurry. You feel his hot ropes of cum spill into you as you take in the sensation. The moan he lets out is nothing but high pitched and shaky. He continues jackhammering himself into your tight pussy in order to let you ride out your high and his own. Once you finally come down from the earth shattering sensation he had given you, he lays his head on your shoulder before you caress his messy curls.

“I love you Ani, you know that right?” you say to him.

“Of course I know, sweetheart and so do I,” he replies softly. You softly peck your lips on his before breaking the contact. Despite it being short, the two of you felt the love and affection that channeled through the brief kiss as you were in each others arms.

“Come on, let’s run you a bath,” you coo.

“What about you?” he asks.

“I can join you if you’d like,” you say softly.

“I’d like nothing more,” he says with that angelic smile you had grown to love so much.

“Then let’s go,” you say before the two of you get up together and hold each others hands on the way to the bathroom. Once you make it to the bathroom, you close the door and you’re one step closer to being by his side again in the bathtub.

This wouldn’t be the last time, that was for sure.

[worstghost]

I was literally just thinking abt this and I checked to see if any cod fanfic writers I follow had posted 🫶🫶

Ghost having the littlest (massive) praise kink but in the sense that it's like physical??? idk if that makes sense but he loves it when you tell him how strong he is <333 you feel up his biceps n give them kisses if he's wearing short sleeves and you grope his thighs before he gets dressed in the morning. It's gets him going to quickly but he pretends like it's just a normal compliment. he'd start putting on a little more when he bench presses and it's like you could see the hearts in his eyes when you notice and ask him about it, even though he just shrugs it off.

I have so many thoughts about him 😞 I'll send in a könig one in a bit cause he also rots my brain corners

oh you're so right though, he's so stoic, acts like it doesn't matter to him, yeah he's big, what about it? but he loves to show off when he knows you're watching. i think he'd like a tease, someone cocky who isn't afraid of him (sorry it's not as soft as you probably wanted, I can't write him soft 😭)

He's started wearing short sleeves when he's shooting at the range, because he knows you'll come and watch him, leaning against the railing of the upstairs balcony, staring him down.

He makes a show of reloading effortlessly, stretching his back out from slouching.

You'll wolf whistle down at him, teasingly, and he'll glare up at you as if he doesn't enjoy it. It's a little game you play.

Once you caught him and Soap sparring, snuck in and leaned against the wall to watch with Price. You were eyeing him shamelessly, ignoring the knowing glance your captain sends over.

It's going well, they're fairly equal in hand to hand, and you can't help but stare. They're shirtless, thank whatever god is out there, and soaked in sweat. Simon's arms bulge when he wraps them around Soaps chest, squeezing tight.

He'll catch a glimpse of you out of the corner of his eye, biting your lip, and he's quick to pin his partner to the mat, slamming him with a painful thud.

They'll shake hands and part ways, Soap grumbling about how "It's not fair, she gives him fuckin' super strength or somethin'" when he leaves with Price.

You approach him, smiling sweetly, reaching out to stop him from sliding his shirt back on.

He hesitates, but let's you take control momentarily when you instead take a discarded towel and start wiping the sweat away.

You don't look away, sliding it across his collar bones, down his chest until you reach his navel, and his breath catches. You slip your fingers into the waistband of his pants and he let's you yank him forward, craning your neck to keep eye contact.

"Lookin' good out there Lieutenant."

His eyes narrow and you can see him swallow, his voice all gravel and hushed, "I'll show you just how good I can be, Sergeant."

[osarina]

(uh, this is rlly long im so sorry qwq)

OMG THAT LAST CHAPTER HAD ME FEELING SM CARINA U CANT DO THIS TO ME !!!! LITERALLY THE FIRST FEW PARAGRAPHS IN I HADTA WALK AROUND BC I WAS SO OVERWHELMED I LOVED IT SM !!! N THOSE LAST FEW LINES. DONTDOTHISTOME I S A W THE "BEAST AU COMPLIANT" TAG ON UU IM GONNA SOB MY EYES OUT DURING IT I JUST KNOW !!!

gonna leave some of my fave few lines n my thoughts abt them from this chapter (ok these arent all of em, bc if i put all of em it'd be the whole 50k words of this series SO ITS JUST THIS CHAPTER)

"because how could he possibly belong amongst people who are so unfailingly good that it makes his tainted heart stick out like a sore thumb?"

STOP NO DONT DO THIS TO MEEEEEE throughout the whole fic u perfectly captured his thought process n how he denies his own capacity for change n how he HAS changed from when he was 18 BUT THIS LINE MADE ME TEAR UPPPPPP

"He is so completely and irrevocably in love with you that Dazai doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to live in a world without you. The thought alone makes his skin crawl and his chest cave in."

self-explanatory

“Are you calling me ugly?” 

u gorgeous, gorgeous man ilysm yes you look like a rat but i'll swaddle u up in blankets n clean u up

the whole graveyard scene. DO YOU WANT ME TO CRY HELLO

“You were a kid, Osamu. You’re not some incarnate of evil for ending up where you did, you were failed by all of the adults in your life,”

ok nvm crying this hit me like a truck

"Humans cannot live without a heart, so if he’s to give you his, it’s only fair that you give him your own—though realistically, yours has already been his for a long time."

i feel like this mightve been ur fave line, but if it wasnt IT STILL IS MINE BC OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD QWQ

ranpos lil rant was so funny he's literally me frfr

“Yeah… ha, look at us, in jail at the same time! Couple goals, huh?” 

i giggled

PLS READER INVITING EVERYONE JUST TO AVOID GETTING INTERROGATED UMMM RELATABLE LMFAO

these are just some of them BUT JUST IN GENERAL, UR WRITING IS JUST MAGICAL ITS EVERYTHING IVE EVER WANTED TO READ N I LOVELOVELOVEEEE THIS SERIES N ALL UR WORKS (n u /p) SM !!! I CANT WAIT FOR UNREAL UNEARTH, I JUST KNOW IT'LL BE AMAZING !!!

RED HOW MANY TIMES MUST I TELL YOU NOT TO APOLOGIZE I LITERALLY ADORE YOU IM GOING TO WEEP OMG

honestly the first scene of dazai’s pov was one of my favs to write because it pisses me off so much whenever he’s excluded from the ada panels in the manga fjsjdjsjjd so i NEEDED the opportunity to hit home that that is his FAMILY idc what asagiri says the ada is that boys family and he deserves it 🥹🤞

UGHHHHH STOP BECAUSE WHENEVER I WRITE CANONZAI ITS SO HARD TO KEEP ON THAT THIN LINE OF HIS INABILITY TO ACCEPT HIS OWN GROWTH WHILE ALSO HAVING HIM ACKNOWLEDGING ODA’S LAST WISH FOR HIM SO I REWROTE SO MANY OF HIS POVS SEVERAL TIMES BECAUSE I FELT LIKE I WASNT GRASPING IT ALL PROPERLY

the graveyard scene was one of the 3 scenes i started writing for 🥹 i literally was weeping when i finally got to it

AND ALSO THE YOU WERE A KID LINE UGHHHHHHHH BRO when i tell you that’s something that i literally want to scream at him and shake his shoulders like he was FOURTEEN WHEN MORI BROUGHT HIM IN AFTER HIS ATTEMPT !!!!! FOURTEEN !!!!! HE WAS A BABY IT MAKES ME SO SAD WHEN HE FRAMES HIMSELF AS SOME IRREDEEMABLE MONSTER WHEN HE ONLY TURNED OUT THE WAY HE DID BECAUSE HE HAD NO ADULTS IN HIS LIFE SETTING HIM ON THE RIGHT TRACK ugh im gonna weep again i will always be dazai’s #1 defender, i will fight him himself idc he was only a lil baby :’)

oh my god fun fact i actually almost deleted that line about the heart, i don’t even know why like i was rereading it right before i post and i second guessed myself because i was like ‘i don’t think it rlly flows’ but then i decided against removing it because i liked the line in general SO IM WEEPING AGAIB

bro ranpo needs a promotion for real the headaches this man must get because of people not listening to him 💀

HDOSJDJSJDJJD THE COUPLES GOAL LINE WHEN I TELL YOU I SNORTED WRITING IT HELPPPPP I WAS GIGGLING SO HARD

RED ILYSM IM BUNDLING YOU IN THE SOFTEST BLANKETS AND GIVING YOU A FOREHEAD KISS

i’m so excited for unreal unearth like honestly it’s my pride and joy, i’m so pleased with how my beast!dazai characterization has come out so far and i’m hoping everyone else is going to like it too 🥹 if not ill simply die HAHAH JK JK JK no but really i’m so very excited for it

[jaaankiey]

What do you like most in your writings about Pin and/or Leafy? Tropes, Settings, Cliches, Et Cet R Uh.

god therfe is too much for me to say (without sounding utterly garbage brainrot vomit on a tumblr post)

how do i evne start? also a mystery, anon. i might as well put this under some kind of cut

i think in some earlier ramblings, i might haaave touched upon smth like this on my own because god knows i have the Most Specific, Unknown Headcanons known to Humankind (tm).

ig what I liked abt both Leafy and Pin from the canon materials is that their actions had potential to be more gray on the morality compass? Thinking specifically abt Leafy trying to steal Dream Island (which, to my head, registers as "you know what? she can commit crimes"). Also when Pin apparently tries to murk Leafy that other time about it (which, to my very single organism brain, registers as "yknow what, she can also be capable of coldblooded murder").

also enemies to lovers moment. It's not my top tier favorite (I'm kind of soft and like friends to lovers) but it can hit so hard if written well!! i wish i may have included it a bit more, but i'm a little rusty on my BFDI lore (gotta make room for the EXPANSIVE warrior cats lore i contain) so i might have ended up... forgetting that part oops. i'm not too mad about it and i do my best to kind of recreate that friction when the plot calls for it. yes, girlies so deeply in love but they're kind of so stubborn in their ways that when they butt heads, it can be pretty intense.

other tropes? i'd say the way i write Pin is in the sameish vein as that yandere trope/cliche but it's not something I've type out loud. Personally, I think it's too strong of a word but she's somewhere in that... shakes hands at area, ya feel? Also, I kind of want to leave it up to whoever reads my leafpin stuff for interpretation. If anybody thinks she's unhinged enough to be dubbed a yandere, go for it (it tells me I'm writing her right). I still keep her canon traits but maybe dial them up to 12. She's a prideful, egotistical, power-hungry manic that really shouldn't be left in charge of anything and that's the way I like 'em.

Leafy is uh VERY experimental when I write her and I think that's the coolest part of my edition of her in writing. I'm very familiar with stuff like passive aggressiveness which is often meanness coated in sugar and it's the biggest thing I rlly like writing about her. It LOOKS like she cares but, unless ur Pin, she puts her own needs first. Her character in my writings is more about building up social trust to the point where others look at her and say "Oh! Leafy wouldn't EVER do that" when she very well can. It can allow her to do things that can be swept under the rug bc she would be the last suspect. Kinda a wild card and even though she's maybe not as physical as someone like Pin, she can still ruin someone just as easily.

Tbh, I haven't settled on settings, anon. Don't tell anyone 💀

I have more thoughts but like STARES AT THIS ANSWER. I did not mean to lITERALLY POST AN ESSAY SORRY ANON. the brainrot was too powerful.

[imjusttpeachy]

sleepy angel. (c.h.)

Can I please request some cute corpse husband fluff. I really want something adorable and cute with him. Like playing with the readers hair and cuddles and that. -anon

okay yall i hope this isn’t too weird but i saw a tiktok abt it and thought it was the cutest thing ever and just— i needed to write about it. pretty short but i’m just getting back into writing sorryyyy

please check out the warnings!!

playlist

the licks - lavender kiss

wet bandits - movies as friends

puma blue - want me

dre’es - warm

daniel ceasar - get you

summary: reader is feeling a little cuddly but doesn’t want to disturb Corpse during his stream. who knew the floor could be so comfortable?

word count: 944

WARNINGS: she/her pronouns used, dom/sub undertones???, basically you sit on the floor and he plays with your hair pls don’t read if uncomfy with stuff like that

•••

You didn’t consider yourself a clingy girlfriend.

No, not at all.

It wasn’t clingy to want to be around your favourite person at all times, just to be sure that they’re safe and happy and not too stressed, right? Just to be sure.

Well, that’s what you told yourself anyway as you crawled out of bed and shuffled toward your boyfriend’s office where he was currently streaming. He probably still had a few hours left, but your skin was itching to feel his touch. You had already spent the past couple hours smothering yourself in his hoodie and comforter, reveling in his addicting smell. Though, even with the soft plush completely surrounding you, you couldn’t shake the feeling of just needing to be near him.

You shouldn’t distract him— that was the last thing he needed when he was already so anxious during streams, but it couldn’t hurt to just sit with him, right? It may even be relaxing to have you there, just keeping him company.

Pushing open the door to his office slowly, you peeked in through the crack, eyes immediately spotting that messy mop of black hair only illuminated by the monitor’s light in front of it. You found it odd at first, that he liked playing in the dark, but realized how much smaller it made the room feel therefore being more comforting to him. Finally gathering all your nerve, you pushed the door open and slipped inside the dark room quickly shutting it behind you. You felt kinda creepy, hiding in the shadows and against the walls of the room but you didn’t want to scare him at a bad point in the game and embarrass him in front of his audience. Watching his monitor from over his shoulder, you thought of a plan as you waited for the round to end. You didn’t want to distract him, so sitting in his lap was a big no; glancing downward though, a grin began to pull at you lips as you finally figured it out.

The game went on for maybe another minute or so before the ending screen played and all the characters began transporting back into the lobby— it was go-time. Silently slinking down to your hands and knees, you slowly crawled over to the side of the chair before hooking your chin over his thigh and gazing up at him. You felt his body jerk slightly at the pressure on his thigh, his gaze shooting down from the monitor and locking onto yours as you grinned at him from the floor. He gaped at you for a second before his hand shot out to mute his mic.

“Baby, what-“

“Just wanna be with you,” You could hear the confusion in his tone before you cut him off with your quiet mumble, sighing softly and closing your eyes as you settled in your place, hands folding to rest in your lap as to not accidentally reach out and wrap around his leg as well. Though, as the room settled into silence your brow furrowed as you lifted your chin off of his thigh to look up at him, mind beginning to race with the thought of making him uncomfortable. “Is... Is that okay? I’m sorry I should’ve-“

“No, no it’s okay bunny, I was just surprised.” It was his turn to cut off your nervous rambling just as you began to spiral, his hand coming down to rest against your jaw tilting your gaze back up until it locked with his again. His eyes drifted over your face as you looked up at him with probably the most lovesick expression painted all over your face, nuzzling into the warmth of his hand. A soft chuckle escaped his lips as you settled your chin back over his thigh, sighing in content. Your eyes were fluttering closed when he spoke up again. “Are you sure you’re okay down there?”

A soft hum was your only response as you shuffled closer to him, finally giving in and wrapping your arms around his calf; he tensed for a moment and you were just about to unravel yourself from him again when he relaxed before a large hand found it’s place atop your head. You could practically feel yourself melt into him as he began to card his fingers through your hair, another soft hum escaping your lips in content as his nails scratched along your scalp. Chuckling softly, he leaned back toward him set up and reached for his mic, the hand in your hair still carding slowly through your locks causing you to shiver every so often when his rings ran along your skin.

“Hey, sorry, (Y/N) just needed to ask me something.” You giggled softly as he lied right through his teeth to his stream-mates. It was harmless though, just a little funny; you couldn’t hear them anyway. Even if you could though, all you could focus on was the hand running continuously over your head despite the game starting up again.

“Nah just what I want to eat, we can literally never decide what to have…” His words trailed off of your focus as your body relaxed even further into his. The soothing motion of his hand beginning to lull you to sleep no matter how much you tried to fight it off. His thumb began to run along the cheek that wasn’t smushed against his thigh as you floated in and out of consciousness, his touch so gentle you’d begin to think you’re made of glass. You could barely make out his mumbled words as his soft touches finally plunged you in the depths of sleep.

“Sweet dreams, princess”

•••

When your eyes fluttered open again they were immediately met with pitch black, which would’ve startled you if not for the solid form resting halfway on top of your body; your mouth pulling into a wide grin as you felt the slow breaths of your person warm the crook of your neck. Reaching toward your nightstand, you pat around blindly until your hand lands on your phone— as much as you didn’t want to move, you didn’t know how much time has passed since you had joined Corpse in his office. Squinting as the light from your phone flooded the room, you quickly turned down the brightness before looking at the time, confirming that you definitely didn’t have anywhere to be for at least the next few hours.

However, as you continued to stare down at your phone you began to scroll through the seemingly never-ending mentions, you only became more and more confused. Finally biting the bullet and tapping on one it immediately opened your screen to Corpse’s Instagram— but more importantly, a picture of you.

There you were, completely relaxed face smushed against his thigh as you slept soundly, but that wasn’t all. That signature hand had taken it’s place carding through your hair just as he did to lull you to sleep. Your heart was already fluttering as you stared at the photo on your screen but you think it might’ve stopped as your eyes caught the caption.

corpsehusband: “sleepy angel”

•••

@.valkyrae: was this during the stream? omg corpse you liar

@.sykkuwu: u guys are so cute

@.jacksepticeye: SIMP

@.bretmanrock: jealous 🙄 corpse baby i thought we had something

@.tinakitten: okay loverboy

•••

hey guys long time no see! i was gonna make a post abt why i was gone for so long but i think that’d be overkill. i’m okay now and i’m very excited to keep writing for you!

i think i’m gonna branch out to other fandoms as well but idk yet. i’m working through the requests in my inbox rn so i’m gonna do those first. gonna open up drabble requests too!

okay that’s it! thanks for reading as always, let me know what u think down below or in my asks! love you guys, hope you’re doin well <3

[greensaplinggrace]

honestly THANK YOU for saying all that abt baghra bc i thought i was going crazy from not liking her??? bc i haven't read the books and only summaries of them on wiki and like. i dunno why ppl like her actually even in the show bc this guy, her son, is like "i wanna make the world better for us grisha" and she's just like "no." even tho he sees that she's MAKING HERSELF SICK from suppressing her powers! she's literally like in bed coughing in the flashback yet seem much healthier at the little palace. also like after everything, after her disapproval, after the fold, after centuries of waiting for the sun summoner.. he never abandons her. he makes sure she's cares for. he doesn't harm her. and i have to wonder if baghra has ever thanks him for that, for just not leaving her alone. like i dunno how im suppose ro believe aleks is a heartless villain when he still cares for his abusive mom like this. like has baghra even told her she loved him (honestly she reminds me of a classic emotionally unavailable asian parent but maybe that's just me). also im wondering if baghra ever told aleks that he had an aunt.. bc like.. now that u bring up her isolating him it's like hmmmm...

not at me being like alina... why do u trust the bitter old woman who literally beats u with a stick and verbally abuses u every chance she gets.. just bc she showed a bad painting... like.. pls use two braincells to see that who u figured out as his mother... is also using his protection..

like baghra could've upped and left with alina. but no. she stayed bc she knew she was safe under aleks's protection.

alsoim just impressed that after his first friend tried to drown him and harvest his bones... he didn't go into hiding???? he still wanted to make a safe heaven for grisha!!! HE STILL WANTED TO PROTECT GRISHA EVEN AFTER HIS GRISHA FRIEND TRIED TO KILL HIM FOR HIS FUCKEN BONES. like... this is the guy im suppose to believe is the villain???

honestly i feel like part of the reason why LB's plotlines seem so bad and disconnected (and sometimes outright racist but that's another rant) and why darkles is disproportionately more violent and villainous in the later books is bc she didn't expect the darkling to be so popular and wanted to stick with her guns of making him the villain. but also wanted the money from aleks's popularity. but like you can't have ur cake and eat it too.

Well thank you for sending this ask! It's very sweet and very passionate. I'm glad you liked my post! I didn't put as much thought into it as some of my others lol. I kind of just talked. But it was nice to be able to finally talk about some of the problems I have with both her character and the fandom/author's perception of her.

HERE is the post this is referring to, in case anyone's wondering.

👀👀 You've hit the nail on the head for so many things, here!

Baghra is extremely emotionally unavailable, basically to the point of neglect. She's also verbally and physically abusive, traits which I doubt were only reserved for her students and not her son. Baghra claims she would do anything to protect him, but I've known a lot of parents who have that mindset and yet still harm their children because they think it's "good for them".

Aleksander stays at Baghra's side for years, and even when they're opposing each other she's never too far away from him. Idk if you've read the books but he does eventually hurt her. And as much as I don't like Baghra, I think his actions were horrid. But I'm also honestly kind of surprised it took him so long lmao.

Yeah I mean, in terms of isolation, let's not forget that she never wanted to introduce him to his father, either. Baghra's sense of eternity clouds a lot of her judgments on relationships, which means she views most people as dust and therefore teaches her son to as well. The problem with that is that he's a growing child, and he needs those social and emotional attachments for healthy development.

I would bet quite a bit of money that Baghra has either never told him she loves him or she has told him so few times it's practically forgettable.

And everything becomes more complicated because so many of Baghra's actions are understandable because of her life and her history, but the impacts they have on the people around her, especially Aleksander, are permanently damaging. And the fact that that's never gone over in critical depth in the books or how it's glossed over in fandom is just very disconcerting. Like, acknowledging Baghra's failings doesn't mean we're excusing Aleksander's actions, it just means we're holding Baghra liable for her own. Which the fandom should be doing, considering she's the epitome of an abusive parental figure.

And Alina trusting Baghra over Aleksander is even more confusing! Especially in the show!! This is the woman who beat her and abused her and tortured her friends when they tiny little children (and who probably still does so now that they're adults). This is the woman who mocks you and harasses you and insults you on a regular basis. Why does Baghra revealing she's Aleksander's mother make Alina change her mind?! Like fuck, I'd just feel bad for Aleksander. No wonder he kept it a secret, I would too! And that painting is enough evidence?! Really?! A random painting shown to you by this abusive mentor that's been making your life hell. That's what you're going to betray your new lover over?

The friends trying to harvest his bones thing is a good point, too. I think Aleksander, especially show Aleksander, is incredibly idealistic. I think he cares too much for others - those he's deemed worth his care (a sentiment given to him by Baghra). Despite everything she's tried to teach him about hiding and abandoning others and never caring and never doing anything to help or reach out or connect with people, Aleksander still continues to do so. It's likely because he never got it from Baghra growing up, and so is desperate for those emotional needs to be fulfilled elsewhere.

His turning point, when Baghra tells him it was understandable that those kids tried to kill him because the world is such a hard place for them - that's crucial. And the reason it's possible as a motivating factor is because of that idealism and that desire to help and that desire to be everything his mother isn't. Baghra tells him this trauma he just experienced was because of the oppression of his people, and instead of following her lead and accepting that, going into hiding and abandoning everybody to their misery, he goes I can do something about that. I can make it so this never happens again. Which is usually how trauma like that combines with one's core personality traits at a young age, especially when there's none of the essential support systems in place to aid in recovery (ie, the role Baghra should have been filling but wasn't, because she decided to exacerbate the problem instead).

And yeah, one of my biggest problems with the ham-fisted "beating you over the head with a sledgehammer of evil deeds" look-how-bad-this-character-is! portrayal of the Darkling in the later books comes from the impression I get that Bardugo doesn't trust her readers. She's so desperate to have us hate this character and think him an irredeemable villain, not trusting any of her readers to engage critically with a morally gray character, that it feels quite a bit like condescending fucking bullshit. Which ew, I know how to engage with literature, thanks.

She really does seem to look down on a large part of her fandom, and imo, the infantilization of the female characters in her books seems to carry over to her impression of most of her female readers as well. Which is why the Darkling's character arc gets fucking destroyed. But he's still a good cash grab, of course, so she'll shake his dead corpse in front of the fandom for money every time she wants something from it.

Also! Another reason I think her plotlines feel disconnected (I'm sorry Bardugo I respect you as a person, but shit-) is because the writing in SaB is just bad. I mean, nevermind the absolutely nauseating implications of the way she portrays the Grisha as a persecuted group who's situation is never actually fully addressed as it should be, considering Grisha rights is what her main villain is fighting for (imo for a series called the Grishaverse, LB seems to be pretty anti Grisha), but her characters and story alone are just wrong for each other. They don't fit together.

And the ending is one of the main pieces of evidence in that regard! You can’t say the ending where Alina isn’t Grisha anymore is her “going back to where she started” when she’s always been Grisha. She just didn’t know she was Grisha because she denied that part of herself that she was born with.

Alina is reluctant to move forward or change, she struggles with adapting, and she’s very set on the things she’s grown attached to throughout her life. She also has some latent prejudices against the Grisha, and so denies the possibility of being Grisha for those reasons as well.

Alina’s lack of powers in the beginning of her life because she willfully doesn’t learn about them to avoid change versus her lack of powers at the end of the book when she’s accepted them and then they’re stripped away from her by outer forces are two entirely separate circumstances. You can’t make a parallel about lost powers and lack of Grisha status bringing her back to the start when she was always Grisha and she always had powers and she simply refused to come to terms with it because of personal reasons.

The first situation is an internal conflict that indicates a story about growth and a journey of self acceptance. Denying herself the opportunity to learn about her heritage and to find acceptance with a group of people like her because she’s tied to the past and because of the way she was raised is the setup for a narrative that tackles unlearning prejudice and learning how to connect with a part of her identity that was denied her and learning how to grow independent and self assured. It’s the setup for a different story entirely. The second situation is an external conflict that centers around the ‘corrupting influence of power’... for some reason.

In a world where Grisha do not have social, political, or economic power and they are hunted, centering your heroine’s journey of self acceptance and growth around an external conflict about... the corrupting influence of power (in a group of people that don’t actually have any power?!) just doesn’t work. It is literally impossible to connect the two stories Bardugo is trying to push in Shadow and Bone without seriously damaging the main character’s developmental arc.

The only way a narrative like this would work, claiming that she has gone back to where she started, is either a) if the Grisha weren’t actually a persecuted group and instead were apart of the upper class, or b) if the one bad connection between the two instances is acknowledged - that Alina denied a part of herself crucial to self acceptance and growing up, and that losing her powers at the end has also denied her. It is a tragedy, not a happy ending.

Alina suffered because she didn’t use her powers. She grew sick. It was bad for her. This was not a resistance to 'the corruption of power and the burden of greed', it was her suffering because she couldn’t fully accept herself.

Framing the ending as a return to the beginning can’t be done if you don’t address how bad the beginning was for your main character. You brought her back to a bad point in her life. You regressed her. This should be a low point in her arc. It should be a problem that’s solved so she can finish developing organically or it should be something that is acknowledged as a tragedy in it’s own right, for the future the world (the writing) denied her.

This is a ramble and it makes no sense and I’m really sorry, but my point is that Bardugo put the wrong characters in the wrong story. The character arc required for organic development doesn’t match the story and intended message at all. The narrative doesn’t fit the cast. She's got two clashing stories attempting to work in tandem and she ends up with both conflicting messages that fans still can’t comprehend in her writing and an ending that doesn’t suit her main character to such an impossible degree that it’s almost laughable.

So yeah, there's a few reasons why I think the story and the plot feels so bad and disconnected. I hope you don't mind me making this answer so long! 😅 I was not expecting to write this much.

[dancingazaleas]

ymir & historia reiss | addition

i literally never stfu abt them so why not write abt them

THIS IS A POLY ONESHOT!!! i love them but it’s hard to imagine them with someone else (romantically) so why not both! this post is so long and kind of cringy i’m so sorry besties 😞

warnings/notes: cursing, angst to comfort/fluff, modern au!, college au!, reader, historia, and ymir are 19-20.

you groan and slam your head against your desk, ymir just laughs at you, sitting to your right. the two of you were in your geography class and you felt like your brain was melting.

“it really isn’t that hard,” ymir nudges your ribs with her elbow.

“easy for you to say. you’ve been around the world, i’ve barely left trost,” ymir rolls her eyes as you whine into your arms, “you’re also literally majoring in paleontology. you’ve been into it since you were a kid, like a nerd.”

“i might just punch you for that,” she threatens, “historia was pretty good in geography back in highschool. maybe she can tutor you?”

when ymir said historia’s name, it felt as if you were getting whiplash from how you felt giddy and then felt slightly bitter.

historia has been your best friend ever since the two of you were 17 and met at a bed, bath, and beyond store. she goes to community college, her dad forbade her from university and she only agreed if it she could go. when you gushed about the university you’re currently going to, she immediately started listening and asking what classes you were in.

that’s how she found out you have geography with her girlfriend, and your other best friend, ymir. she started squealing and decided to introduce the two of you.

you both tried to intimidate one another when you first met a year ago, but once historia said something about farting from anxiousness you both bursted into laughter.

that’s how you integrated into their lives. you hang out with the both of them almost everyday, you talk to them everyday, you eat lunch together every thursday, and you three even go see new movies together on saturdays.

within the first four months of befriending the both of them, you felt like as if you were ruining the their alone time. multiple times you had come to hang out with ymir and/or historia only to find out that they were having a date night. even if they invited you to join after, you still felt guilty.

you also felt guilty for feeling jealous and sad whenever they both would show affection for each other. you didn’t know what you were/are jealous of and you don’t know what would make you sad about them being happy.

but you realized what exactly was making you feel that way when ymir and historia started pestering you about your love life. specifically, about a girl named hitch that they think you’d like. and ymir asked you if you’d ever even been in love before. after a few minutes of contemplating, you told her yes.

you love them both. you wanted to be with the both of them.

but you never could be. they don’t love you in the same way as each other. they don’t want to kiss you, hold you, and sleep with you.

and you know that.

“hey doofus, class ended. you comin’?,” ymir’s voice shook you out of your trance.

you look at her and nod, shoveling your stuff into the tote bag you use as your backpack. the two of you are going to meet historia for lunch, you both don’t have classes after 12. thank god.

it’s raining when you two step outside and ymir’s rambling about what restaurant the three of you should go to for lunch as you both walk to her car. you tell her you’re okay with anything as the two of you get in the car, which makes her whip her head towards you and pause after you’ve closed the doors.

“alright, what’s wrong with you,” she asks abruptly.

“what? why are you asking?”

“you’ve been so spacey and quiet lately, you’re hooking up with people, and now you’re okay with eating whatever? you’re a little picky about your food. and you usually never shut up. something is up,” she’s started the car and is no driving out of the parking lot.

“it’s just classes and work. i’m fine. i don’t wanna talk about it,” you shrug and look out the window. you don’t want to look at ymir.

“you’re lying,” she scoffs and shakes her head, “liar.”

you just ignore her and keep staring outside the window.

the rest of the car ride is silent excluding the tame impala song ymir’s playing on the radio. you almost jump for joy whenever the restaurant that historia and ymir must’ve decided on is in view. historia’s standing is sitting on a bench outside of the restaurant, holding an umbrella over her head and a smile shows up on her face when she sees the two of you pulling up. she’s stands up and waits for ymir to park and for you both to get out of the car. it makes your heart flutter a bit. she’s gorgeous.

you almost lunge out of the car whenever the door’s are unlocked, catching the attention from them both. you start fast walking towards the doors of the restaurant, but historia is blocking your path with her arms out wide to give you a hug.

you don’t want to hug her. you don’t want to burst into tears from the hug alone. she’s closing in on you, but you manage to swerve to the left and successfully dodge the hug. you scurry into the restaurant before she can get another chance to hug you. historia and ymir give each other a look of confusion and sadness.

after they exchange a peck on the lips, they follow you into the restaurant. when they get inside, they’re met with the view of you chatting excitedly and bashfully with the hostess, who’s name tag says nifa.

when nifa starts leading you to your table, you spare them a look that says to follow you. while nifa’s leading everyone, you’re both still laughing and blushing. historia and ymir give look at one another, feeling somewhat bitter at seeing this. you hadn’t even said anything to historia and you’ve barely talked to ymir all day.

the couple almost cry out a thank you whenever you’re all seated and nifa leaves.

you start looking at your menu aimlessly. you’ve been here before and you know what you want. but anything to avoid eye contact with ymir and historia, and it makes them sad.

“(name), did you know the hostess? seemed like you two were good friends,” you look up from the menu to see historia leaning towards you while smiling.

“no, i don’t know her. she said i looked familiar and we started talking about if we go to the same university. only to find out that i have a class with her,” you look embarrassed as you start to stare out of the window.

ymir hums in response and the waiter makes his appearance before historia can ask something else. you all decide to order your food at the same time of your drinks—it speeds up the process. when the waiter leaves, the table falls into an uncomfortable silence.

a couple minutes later, you’re scrolling through social media and taking a sip of your drink that was brought to you. you’re debating if you should text the groupchat you’re in with eren, mikasa, and armin. but before you can even make the decision, ymir and historia clap quietly, a signal that the food is here.

even when you’re all eating, the silence is unbearable. you feel like banging your head against a window. you opt to stare outside of it instead.

for some reason, this sets ymir off and she drops her silverware against the plate, the noise startling you and historia.

“alright,” she’s still chewing, “what the fuck is up with you? something’s obviously wrong, and you won’t tell us for whatever fucking reason. you’ve been so distant towards historia and i lately, you’re not even talking to us that much in person, you reject historia’s hug, and you seem so spacey lately!! you’ve also been rejecting our invites to hanging out when it isn’t thursday or saturday. you can’t just act like this and then expect us to not fucking notice the obvious changes. so what the fuck is wrong?”

you struggle to reply, “i’ve just been... stressed with school work and stuff. i’ve got a lot of stuff on my mind. how have i been distant?”

ymir slams her hand onto the table, and that’s when you realize that she’s actually pissed off. she’s pointing her finger at you as she starts raising her voice, attracting attention from other customers.

“you told me that you don’t have much work unless finals or what the fuck ever is coming up and finals end two fucking months ago! you fucking avoided hugging historia, and you’ve known her for years. but you’re so happy to chat with the fucking hostess, who met today. you’re acting like you don’t want to be our friend anymore, and if that’s the case then fucking tell us up front. it’ll save us some pain,” she spits and historia’s slapping her bicep and trying to get her to stop.

your throat feels clogged as your eyes start to tear up. you look petrified.

after a few seconds of you staring absentmindedly, you’re crying. fat tears rolling down your face and dripping onto the table as you bite on your bottom lip to avoid sobbing. you’re eyebrows are drawn upwards and you can’t stop sniffling.

you don’t want to lose them, but you don’t want to tell them. ‘this sucks,’ you think.

both historia and ymir are taken aback at your tears and feel the guilt crawling up their shoulders. you’re not easy to push to tears, it’s how you’re able to be around ymir. whatever’s upsetting you, it must be really stressful.

“(name),” historia speaks softly and puts her hand over your’s, “i’m sorry ymir made you cry. we’re just worried about you, but that doesn’t excuse the way ymir reacted. do you want to talk about it?”

you let out a broken sob as your shoulder shake, “take me home. take me home please.”

“wh—ow!!” ymir is slapped hard by historia.

“are you sure that’s what you want? you know you can tell us anything, right?”

you nod and let out a hiccup. historia frowns but chooses not to say anything and starts digging in her purse for her wallet. she pulls out a fifty and puts it onto the table, pushing ymir gently to get her outside of the booth. you’re getting out of the booth, scrubbing your wet eyes and trying to hide from nifa.

“i’m gonna drive you back to your apartment, okay? ymir, can you get their stuff out of your car,” she gently holds onto your arm while ymir begrudgingly obeys.

you get in the passenger seat of her car, covering your face as you start crying harder. historia’s standing at the front of her car, talking about something with ymir. whatever it is, it’s upsetting the both of them and you can’t help but feel like they’re arguing about you.

they seem to come to a conclusion, seeing as historia gives ymir a kiss on her lips. she’s getting in the driver’s seat, handing over your bag full of textbooks and laptop.

when historia starts the car, her car starts playing a tennis song that makes you smile. she switches it to soft lofi music to help you feel just a bit calmer.

the drive is mostly quiet besides your sobbing and crying. historia’s holding one of your hands in silent support.

she feels guilty and confused. had ymir really upset you that bad? what are you so upset about? is it because of us?

historia loves you dearly; both as a cherished friend and as a lover. it was the same for ymir, but historia had told her that you might defriend them if they confessed. they don’t even know your thoughts on polyamory.

they’d rather keep your friendship then possibly ruining it.

before historia can say a goodbye, you’re slamming the car door and jogging up towards your apartment.

‘this sucks,’ you think again and a loud sob rocks through your body. you’re unlocking the door with shaky hands. you go to swing the door open only for it to bounce back right into your face because the fucking deadlock is on.

you fall onto your ass, fumbling to get onto your feet. out of all the times mikasa, your roommate, wants to have her girlfriend, annie, over, why does it have to be now. you sob as you bang your fist against the front door, yelling for mikasa to let you inside. you’re probably going to get a noise complaint, but you don’t really care.

when there’s no sign of either or mikasa or annie coming to the door, you realize that they must be knocked out. both of them are heavy sleepers and mikasa’s room is furthest from the door, there’s no chance they’re going to wake up.

you slam the door shut and the urge to puke is strong. you’re going to have to go over to historia and ymir’s place. you start crying even harder, starting to tug onto some of the strands of your hair. you sit on the ground against the wall, knees pressed to your chest as your hands cover your eyes again.

this whole day has been shit, starting when you hung out with ymir and historia before your geography class. they were so affectionate with on another and all you could do is watch in want.

you hear the clacking of heels getting closer and you assume it’s historia.

“(name),” it’s historia, “c’mon. i’ll take you back to my house.”

you sniffle and silently get back up onto your feet. your jeans are damp from the rain and the feeling of it sticking to your legs has you cringing. scratch that—your whole body was damp from the rain.

you’ll take a hot shower later, when mikasa isn’t dead asleep along with her girlfriend.

you find out you’re wrong about your previous statement and in 15 minutes, you find yourself undressing in ymir and historia’s bathroom. they told you to get in the shower, shoving a big shirt and underwear you’ve left over at their house into your arms. you know that they’re clean, ymir is forced to do laundry every sunday.

you stand under the shower faucet, silently enjoying the piping hot water falling against your skin. you’re done in a matter of ten minutes, toweling your hair and then brushing it. you gather your wet clothes after you unlock the bathroom door and push it open.

steam rolls out of the room when the door opens and some of it trails behind you as you walk to find ymir. she’s sitting on the couch, munching on a KIND bar and watching the show victorious—it’s her guilty pleasure. she perks up when she sees you though, taking the clothes out of your arms and whisking away towards the washing machine.

you sit down on the couch, slouching lazily. ymir and historia flop down next to you on both sides, little huffs of air falling from their mouths. ymir’s got her arm resting on the couch cushion near your shoulders and historia’s throwing an arm around your waist and snuggling her cheek into your shoulder.

historia opens her mouth, here it comes, “what’s wrong?”

you sigh and throw your head back against ymir’s arm, who just hits her knee against your own.

“i...,” you sigh again, “i can’t tell you.”

ymir rolls her eyes as she lets out a huge huff through her nose. she’s irritated.

“why not? why can’t you tell us? we just wanna help,” her eyebrows furrow when she starts to speak and the hand that isn’t on the couch is motioning to herself and historia.

you start crying again, “you can’t help me with this. and i just can’t tell you.”

historia peeks up at you and her eyebrows are bunched up in concern and confusion.

“why can’t you tell us? please just give us an actual reason, and we’ll back off. all we want to do is help you, so just give us a way that we can. we love you so much, we don’t want to see you upset any longer,” historia’s starting to tear up too, bottom lip sticking out as evidence.

“you guys don’t love me in the same way that i love you,” you sob without thinking, and you reach up to cover your face with your hand. ymir traps it with her own, interlocking her fingers with your’s.

“did... could you repeat that,” historia hiccups, taking ahold of your other hand.

“i love you guys. but not in the same way you love me. i want to kiss you, hold you, and do all that sappy stuff couples do with you guys, but you don’t see me like that,” you look down towards your lap while historia and ymir share a look.

ymir’s lanky hands are grabbing ahold of your cheek’s, thumbs running across your cheekbones then your brow bones. she’s staring at you, a bashful blush on her freckled cheeks.

before you ask what she’s doing, she’s giving you one of the softest kisses you’ve ever had in your entire life. you’re closing your eyes and scrunching up your eyebrows, you don’t want this moment to end.

the two of you stop the kiss when you feel historia climb into your lap, sitting on your thighs. you face towards her, slightly dazed from the amazing kiss you’ve just had with ymir. you briefly wonder if this is what it feels like for historia each time.

historia kisses you too. it’s gentle and a little more persistent as if she were trying to show you that she loves you back. her fingers are tangled with your own, using it to her advantage and gently holding them to the couch cushion.

she pulls away after another second, a light pink spreading across her tear stained face. you’re still dazed, is this real? once you go over everything that’s just happened, you jump.

“oh my god, why’d you two just kiss me?!” you’re freaking out, you’ve just overstepped boundaries, right?!

ymir kisses your cheek and says it bluntly, “we love you too. we’ve wanted to make the relationship a poly for a while... we thought you’d hate us though.”

your jaw drops and you whip your head towards ymir, “HUH?”

“we love you,” historia giggles, she’s rubbing her cheek against your chest now.

“oh.. okay. are you sure?” you hum, a huge and dorky smile coming up on your face after they both nod.

“you look stupid,” ymir snorts, “now can we watch victorious and snuggle?”

“before we do that, why did you try hooking me up with hitch,” you ask with a slight scowl.

“we thought it might help us get over you, but it didn’t work for a lot of reasons. you and hitch are good as friends, but not romance; at least that’s what you told us. and if anything, it just made us jealous and sad,” historia explains, tracing patterns with her finger into your stomach.

“that makes sense, i’m ready to watch victorious,” you pause, “wait, when are you taking me home?” ymir and historia stare at you blankly.

“you’re not going home.”

[robinofinashiro]

- request from anonymous: “can you do a yandere alphabet for izuku with a quirkless s/o. cuz we need some broccoli loving out here lmaoo.”

- note: please remember that I don’t write NSFW for minors so if that’s what anyone was looking for in any of the alphabets, I’m sorry to disappoint and look forward to that for the adults that maybe requested. 

- pairing: yandere! midoriya izuku x fem! reader

- request status: closed

A - Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

Midoriya would be all over you. constantly. he’s a very clingy and delusional yandere that would not see anything wrong with the way he’s acting with you. he’d be constantly holding your hand, snuggling you, and telling you how much he loves you.

B - Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

if he had to kill someone because he felt as though someone was taking you away from him, he would. he would go to the ends of the earth to have you and he doesn’t care what it takes. he’d do it all. risk his hero career and all.

C - Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

he would mock them without realizing it. Midoriya would tell their darling all about their day and how many people he saved throughout the his shift without realizing that his darling has been longing for human interaction. 

D - Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

Midoriya just wants love. he obviously had familial love because of his mother but considering Midoriya is apart of the #Daddyissues squad, he never knew what it was like to have a father figure so that’s what brings him to just want constant affection from his darling. 

E - Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

midoriya would lay his entire heart out to them. he would tell them of the days he had with Bakugou, the day he got his quirk, all of it. he wants his darling to know everything that had happened to him in his part and he wants the same thing from them. 

F - Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

he would be so upset. midoriya wouldn’t understand why his darling was acting that way. he was just trying to love you and you were denying him of that! he would start crying those tears that he used to have as a child as a way to get you to stop what is it you’re doing.

G - Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

midoriya doesn’t like it at all. he doesn’t think that him loving you or him kidnapping you is some kind of game. he would go through all of the stages from grief if you tried to leave him. he literally would go into a deep state of mental issues if he saw you trying to escape.

H - Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

Midoriya’s clingyness. the fact that once he got home, he couldn’t shake them off. literally he wouldn’t let them get up for whatever reason and if his darling tried to use the bathroom or even get something from upstairs, he would go with them. 

I - Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

he wants all of the things he didn’t have growing up so basically becoming a father. he wants to do dad things with his kids. take them to a park, go to sporting events, teach them how to develop and control their quirk. 

J - Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

oh fuck yeah Midoriya does. he doesn’t lash out at you in any way but he does towards the other person. the person could literally be asking you for directions with their partner standing next to them and Midoriya would think that they were trying to get with you.

K - Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

see letter A. 

L - Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

he would TRY to attempt to court you but that flops immediately. he couldn’t stand to see you talking with other guys so as soon as he saw you, he would literally only give himself days before he kidnaps you or even starts to make plans for it.

M - Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

Midoriya acts completely different in the sense that no one would realize how crazy obsessed he is with his darling. to the common eye, they wouldn’t realized that he literally had you trapped with him because they just think the two of you are constantly in that puppy love stage. 

N - Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

Midoriya tries not to punish you. he really only uses it as a last resort because he’d rather try and talk it out with you rather than using mental or physical punishment on their darling. but when he does, it’s truly a fucked up experience. he would make them go essentially insane bc of the mind games he plays on them.

O - Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

he’d try to give them some kind of rights. he totally lets you watch television or read books but if he allows you social media, he would have to watch what you were posting and seeing. he lets you see your family but only on his time and for certain hours. 

P - Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

very patient! he could literally have you fighting him in the middle of your living room, quirks and all, and he still wouldn’t try and punish you. he would try to justify it all and see that you did it for some other reason. so yeah, you got lucky. 

Q - Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

midoriya is CRUSHED. he would probably pass away himself. he can’t live without you and he knows that there is no one just like you so since he couldn’t find a replacement, he would literally just end it all bc he wouldn’t know what to do with himself. 

R - Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

Midoriya?? never. what he sees himself doing is absolutely okay in his eyes. he doesn’t see him kidnapping you as a wrong. he justified it in his head already so he would never feel guilty about it. 

S - Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

See letter D

T - Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

he gets almost emotionally scarred over it. he doesn’t understand why you’re doing all of that. he isn’t hurting you. he isn’t punishing you. all he’s doing is keeping you away from the villain infested world. why are you doing all that?? 

U -Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

outside of the whole no punishment thing, probably not. he’s very protective and clingy to you so he’s more worried abt giving you affection and wanting to show you that he means no harm.

V - Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

honestly, Midoriya doesn’t have many. everyone sees him as this soft yandere but midoriya doesn’t have a lot of weaknesses that he shows you. it would be unlike him to show you the bad parts of him so you don’t get any ideas. 

W - Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

see previous answers. 

X - Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

you are midoriya’s god. he worships the ground you walk on. he would go to VARIOUS lengths to worship you. literally don’t test him on that bc he is one of the more delusional if not the most delusional so he sees what he’s doing as normal.

Y - Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

see previous answers.

Z - Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

mentally, kinda? physically no. 

[hannie-dul-set]

hello its me again !! yesterday I told you I followed u bc of your love for jaemin and your funny humour but today I want to add something else, and thaTS YOUR AMAZING WRITING SKILLS !!

i just finished reading the masterpiece that is Top of the world and I'm so shaken up by the excellence of the rich vocabulary, the sentence structure and just the way you wrote the various events that happened. I'm such at a lost of words to express what I feel you have no ideas, I will never recover from the high quality of this story. it couldn't have been better than that what you delivered and I'm just so so relieved to have been able to live this amazing experience of reading such an outstanding story. I'm sorry maybe you're thinking im showering you in too much compliments but you deserves to be praised for having written Top of the world.

I will always be amazed with how people who write are able to wrote down their imagination and wow, im still shaking like.. Im so impressed by you you have no ideas 🙈

moving on, this is the first time ever since I'm reading nct fics on tumblr that I came across this characterization of jaemin, and it is a real take of fresh air in the best way possible even tho he's really such an asshole like wow the popularity did go too high in his head I was so scandalized (in a good way lmao it made me amazed) with how an ass he was and like the way he ordered around jisung ???? djjdjffjhf I- I wanted to punch jaemin so hard 😤 I wanted to dive into the story and beat his ass lmaooo im sure you too, like I was rolling around in my bed bc I couldn't stay still and laying down without reacting ㅠㅠ

I dont know at what length of words the ask can tolerate but let me tell you something before I forgot ! I realized that every situations/events you wrote had a purpose, like you didn't wrote basic actions that we would pass over without much attention, and bc of that you held our attention during the 15.6k of words and it was so much overwhelming I couldn't stop reading just to breathe lol, you kept me going for so long and I really liked it im so sad that I lived this experience and I couldn't live it again *sobs* this is so revolting I want to pat your head you did so so well 🥺

alsooooo, when you introduced yn's character in the beginning, I was kinda afraid that he would bully her physically you know, like I couldn't imagining you daring to write him being more than despicable than he was but thanks god that wasn't what I imagined fjdjfj, the way he exercised his 'dominance' towards someone he didn't know just for a seat lmao, wow he got some real balls ?¿ I was scandalized a lot fjjfjffj but I was curious too about jeno's character in the story, he was so chill (I think?) about yn's being involved with jaemin from the start and I was expecting him to be an asshole to her just like jaem, u know ? could we know your motives about jeno's character in the story ? why didn't you wrote him like jaemin?

I will speed up a little fjfjj or else I will write you 6 pages of my thoughts lmao

but yeah !! so, I really liked the contrast between how we perceived yn's outside facade and inside, like when he make her kneels in front of him, you made us look at her from jaemin's view and how she looked not so bothered by his behavior and then you switched the second after into yn's point of view and how she tried to not show her emotions... *mind blowing* 🤯 not gonna lie, I was rotting for her to not let him mess with her head but instead her doing that to him and it kinda worked fjfjfjf and then I knew the moment he was surprised about the non effect he had on her that it was the start of his fall anD I WASN'T A SECOND DISAPPOINTED

I FUCKING LOVED THE BLOSSOMING REALTIONSHIP BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM anD the slight graduation of jaemin's becoming soft to her oh my god I had hearts in my eyes. I loved every moments of this story (I loved the entire 15.6k words of it, I cherished them), but the pool scene toward the end made me go feral for a lot of minutes like the picture you implanted in my head of him in the water made me post all my thoughts (also blonde jaemin? as in, make a wish jaemin?, god I hope bc fucking damn, he was so so so hot)

I was so emotional at the end, they got together and just, being the witness of jaemin's character development was breathtaking, I couldn't stop thinking about how smooth you made it for his character development during all the story, it wasn't forced or too quick...

It was perfect

omg.... [CLUTCHES HEART]. help oh my god first of all thank you ??? for leaving such a LONG long review omg ???? made my entire day ?? week ??? HQGSBWJ IN SUMMARY THANK U AND I LOVE U FOR THIS AAAA i really appreciate it when people just ramble abt my works it just makes my drive go ⬆⬆⬆ yanno HHHH.

when i was first writing this is was like "oh gosh....is it....okay to turn jaemin this much of a dick?? IS IT??" like i was so SURE people wouldn't like this characterization of him but i literally got the reverse 😭 never expected anyone to jump with me on my asshole richkid jaemin agenda bUT HERE WE ARE....IT BEING MY MOST POPULAR FIC YET HAHSJ. i both hate and love this kind of jaemin and yes i definitely wanted to drag him down from his high horse while writing (at the same time....i will let him drag me around as he pleases too 😳).

i'm very gratified that u think its cohesive and each scene has a purpose because to be honest i didn't fuckin know where to go with this entire fic at first LMAO i was just in a richkid jaem brainrot after talking abt it too much with my friend and this was....the result 🕴.

as for jeno oh mr. jeno lee....HAGSNSK to be honest, as this fic wasn't rlly that deeply planned HAHA, i just wanted a contrast to jaemin's personality LMAO if he had the same personality as jaems....insanely egotistical god complex and all.....i think this would have turned out to be a love triangle AHAHS GM SKW. bUT— but hehe. i have another richkid fic in the dusty corners of my google docs rn. a 00’ line fic in fact HAHA so totw jaemin and jeno will be making a comeback here (ofc this is an entirely different universe but their characterizations are essentially the same HEHEHEHEHEH).

anyway !! thank u so much for sharing ur thoughts on totw ;o; 💞 this rlly made my day no joke HAHA i'm so happy to hear you liked this aaaaa. and yes. maw jaemin was the cause of all of this. something snapped in him during that era and led me to write this very self indulgent fic. thank u HAGHSKA.

[willowistic22]

*claps* spromeo angst spromeo angst spromeo angst let specs comfort his boy romeo this is probably a weird ask but whatever you made a post about wanting prompts lol

I can assure you i have sent other ppl weirder prompts AGNXGAHSHAVS I’ve left this and other prompt requests in my drafts bcs school gets in the way from me finishing it so sorry yall. There was two other prompts before this one was sent in but i was only inspired to write this one first for the time being. Anyways I hope you enjoy! 

Despite my hectic schedule with school, yall can still send in some requests! and as an extra note I love angst :) (idk if I’m any good at it. I think i’m kinda good at it but idk abt your opinions hehe)

Romeo sits in the midst of the messy boxes stored in the attic, dusty and old. His first intentions was to look for answers on his own. It didn’t took long, but the truth really stabbed his heart out. 

His mind rewinds the events from yesterday. It was a normal day at the bakery after he finished his last class. His mother busy baking with the only other employee that came into work that day while Romeo was busy tending the customers. 

He got to the last customer in the line, a man with a hood over his head but looks harmless. There isn’t much he can identify but he still could see a little strain of black hair falling off his head. It didn’t bother his brown eyes from starring intensely back at Romeo. He’ll admit, it’s very unsettling. Still, he pushes away the thought with a bright smile on display. 

What the man said caught him off guard, “You don’t know me, but I’m your mother’s brother” 

The voice was stern, a little breathless. He noted the slight Asian accent, the same one his mother has when she feels a certain way.

Romeo wasn’t sure how to turn this man away. He should’ve done that sooner, but curiosity had clouded his mind and stayed quiet with a visibly intrigued expression drawing the lines of his face. 

The man took his silence as compliance and continues to explain. He only caught a few words before his hand got yanked away from the scene. Romeo’s mother stands in front of him to face the man. He can see the visible anger spewing in his mother, the only thing keeping the man alive was probably the cash register in between the two.

Romeo’s mother spoke in mandarin with the man. It didn’t matter if it was for the secrecy since Romeo also speaks mandarin.

“What are you doing here?!” The usual friendly accent his mother would use in this language has been replaced by a dangerous venom. It was the first time Romeo heard it and caused him to jump.

“I came here to see you!”

“That’s not what you said the last time!”

The other customers looked worried at the well being of the old lady who runs their beloved bakery, viciously arguing with a man in a language they don’t seem to understand. It causes a dilemma in them whether to break up the fight or let it be.

But Romeo understands. He stands still in the back, listening carefully to their argument and watch his mother’s back in case the man got out of line. His mother have always taught him to mind his own business, but Romeo can’t help eavesdrop the two. 

With the knowledge Romeo has, everything they’re saying doesn’t make any sense. Though at the same time, it simultaneously does. The mysteries he’s always wondered in the past finally getting answered, but it only leads to more. He darts his eyes to whichever of the two was talking, taking in every word they throw at each other. 

He was cut short by the other employee, asking Romeo for help to unload the huge oven full of freshly baked bread. He shakes out of his daze to get back to reality and walk in the kitchen, still keeping an ear open to keep listening to the argument. 

It didn’t last very long. Probably after a few seconds, the argument stopped. His mother returned to her work as if nothing had happened, but stayed eerily quiet. Romeo would’ve asked for an explanation but thought it was better if he didn’t. 

So now Romeo’s left to sit in the attic all alone. A single vintage paper loosely hanging in between his fingers with two lines caused by the neat folds. His sits on an old box, back hunched down to his knees. His loud breathing rings through his ears and fills the extra space of the attic. 

“Knock, knock” 

Romeo turns around towards the source of the semi-playful voice. Leaning on the door frame was a tall figure with the familiar comforting smile Romeo loves. 

“Specs!” Romeo exclaimed, standing up to get to him whilst still holding on the paper from previously.

He crashes into his chest and reaches up to wrap his arms around his neck. Specs rests his arms around whatever body part he could reach to pull him closer. After realizing they’ve been lingering in this hug a little too long, Specs threads through his black hair. Typical Specs, always able to read the room. 

“How’d you know I was here?” Romeo lifted his head. 

“The others says you went straight to the bakery after your last class” 

It was convenient his home is quite literally above his own workplace. So Specs figured it out quickly when he didn’t see Romeo behind the counter. Despite being a grown adult, Romeo chooses to stay in his childhood home only because he didn’t have the heart to leave his mother living alone. Plus, Romeo works at their bakery on the ground floor. 

“You disappeared on me” Specs lightly said, still stroking his hair. He was expecting to see Romeo at Jacobi’s with the others, like where their friends usually hang out after class. 

“Sorry, I meant to call. I just...” Romeo trailed off, pulling away from the hug. He gestures to the paper with minimal effort and a sorrowful face. 

Specs takes note of the paper’s presence with an inquisitive face then drags his eyes back to Romeo, “Are you gonna tell me what’s goin’ on?”

Romeo smacks the paper to his chest, catching him off guard for a second before grasping it properly. Specs adjusts the position so he can get a proper look at what’s causing his boyfriend to be this upset, though can’t understand the writing. 

Romeo wanders back further in the attic, dropping his head and sighs, “A guy came in yesterday, telling me that he was my uncle”

He turns around to face Specs again and sits in the same box as before he arrived, “Anyone could’ve done that but when ma started arguing with him... it just... sounds real”

The taller boy approaches him, sitting next to him on another box. Romeo instinctively rests his head on his shoulder. Specs wraps one arm around him, softly rubbing his shoulders as he waits for Romeo to find the words. 

“He was saying things about how they missed her and they want her to come home” Romeo explained, still not sounding sure with what he’s saying. 

“’They’?” 

“Her family” 

For as long as he knew Romeo, his only family is his mother and no one else. Specs stops his hand strokes, fully turning his head to face the shorter boy. 

“I didn’t ask her to explain and end up finding my own answers” Romeo turns to pick up the paper he gave Specs and holds it up for the both of them to view it. Specs props his glasses up to examine it as Romeo continues on, “This was a letter from her family, a reply from the previous letter she sent” 

“It’s basically saying something like.... ‘we don’t want to have anything to do with you anymore, you’re a disgrace to the family for having a baby outside of wedlock” 

They fell silent after that. Romeo drops the letter in his hand to the ground and burying his face into his palms. Specs pulls him closer to his chest and wraps both of his arms around him. They stay like that for a couple of minutes, the only sound filling the room is Romeo’s breathing.  

“Are you okay?” Specs looks down, keeping his grip firm around his torso

Romeo drops his hands down on his lap, revealing a little redness in the corner of his eyes. Specs can see the little droplets of water nearly watering the dark brown color in his eyes. He sighs out, “I don’t know...” 

He fully turns to face Specs and crashes back into his chest, gently wrapping his arms around his torso. Specs moves one hand up to thread through Romeo’s hair, while the other keep a tighter grip around him. He stayed quiet despite feeling trickling water staining his shirt. A few sniffles soon followed which he answers with a kiss to Romeo’s hair and resting his chin on his head. 

Romeo pulls his face away from Specs’ chest just by an inch. He tugs on his boyfriend’s shirt a little as he looks up to face him and sniffles, “I just... I can’t stop thinking of... the idea that...” 

His voice got stuck in the tightness of his throat and continues to sob instead of continuing on what he was going to say. Specs gently wipes his tears down his cheeks and pulls him closer. Romeo’s head now resting on his chest again as Specs rocks them and thread through his hair again. 

“... I was the reason why my mother doesn’t have a family” Romeo whispers though his sniffles, “She wouldn’t have gotten outcasted if it weren’t for me” 

Specs brings a hand to cup his cheek, pulling his face up for him to view it clearly, “Is that how you see it?”

Romeo just sniffles while Specs wipes the rest of the tears away with his thumb. 

“It’s crazy how many possibilities we could think of if we skip a certain event from our past” Specs said, “Things definitely would’ve been different if you aren’t here” 

Romeo stays quiet, wiping another tear falling down his cheek. 

“Your mother would’ve stayed in Singapore and have never opened this bakery in the first place” Specs started, the gentle voice soothes Romeo’s ears, “She wouldn’t have met you... And neither would I” 

Specs smiles, warming Romeo’s heart instantly. Though, it isn’t enough to pull his smile back up yet. 

“Her reality is right here, right now. Making the choice to raise you while running her very own bakery” Specs continues on, “And I don’t believe she regrets it. You can’t exactly fake happiness” 

He pulls Romeo by the cheeks gently, placing a kiss on his forehead and parting his lips with a sweet noise at the end. He looks back down to the boy, “And I’m glad she gave me the opportunity to fall in love with her son” 

Romeo sniffles out a small smile, though the sadness hasn’t left his heart. He lets himself be envelop by Specs’ warmth once again. But now, his breathing is following the pace of Specs’ heartbeat and his eyes has ran out of water to leak out. 

Eventually, he’ll have to face his mother again. He hasn’t seen her since this morning, and he even purposely skipped breakfast to get away from the awkward tension on the dining table. He still has questions that needs to be answered from his mother. But that’s a problem he doesn’t have to deal with till later on. Right now, Romeo’s glad that Specs came here looking for him when he disappeared from their friends. 

Romeo’s glad he’s given the opportunity to fall in love with Specs. 

[flying-elliska]

Ellie I’m so sorry you’re going through this but I actually want to say thank you for posting so openly about your diagnoses and struggles because I am going through something very similar, and it’s actually helped me reach out for help with my mental health. I’m 32 and after my moms death last year I am discovering that not only am I fairly certain that I have ADHD but, I’m starting to realize that I have spent my whole life dealing with Emotional Incest from my mother and that’s something I do not know how to even approach.

I have literally felt like I’ve been going crazy and functioning in the world is becoming harder and harder each day. I feel like I don’t have a handle on anything and I am constantly overwhelmed to a point where I don’t know how to cope but seeing you dealing with this is giving me some hope. I know I’m probably not the only person you’ve helped indirectly so please know that you’re not only helping yourself but you’re encouraging me and probably others to do the same. I really hope you find some peace and happiness today.

Anon 💖💖💖 thanks for reaching out, it means so much. I actually had a good (but exhausting) day - I confronted an acquaintance about him being a clueless asshole to some of my other friends, which I don't think I would have had the guts to do in the past. So maybe not peace and happiness, but definitely some satisfaction.

First of all I am very proud of you for reaching out and I am glad I could help in whatever small way I could. I am also sorry for what you went through and still have to deal with. I know it sucks. I am right there too rn in feeling how much it sucks. I think it's an important step to recognize that. IT FUCKING SUCKS. Because personally for a loooong time I was just pretending everything was fine, making excuses for the people who hurt me, but I was just running myself ragged and feeling so hollow and splintered and just.... And coming to a point where i'm finally looking these things in the face, and all that buried crap resurfaces...it's honestly one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, just putting some of these things to paper, trying to do this all month, it's so ughhhhhhh fuck man. It's ugly work, I hate it, but at the same time, sometimes, it feels empowering too and like I am returning to myself and picking up all these shattered pieces and recognizing that part of me that suffered and deserved better that I tried so hard to deny and deaden. Reclaiming my ability to control my own narrative.

So honestly from what you're describing, I think it's very logical that you are having a hard time and feel overwhelmed. Hell, they say during recovery at the beginning it generally gets worse for a while before it gets better. So...even tho it sucks, in a sense, it might be a good thing ? I know it is for me. Much better than previous numbness and dissociation. The pain of truth is purifying - it's so different from the pain of secrets and shame festering in silence. Am I coping very well right now ? No, but I'm learning, and I'm also having these occasional moments of inner reconciliation and mending that feel miraculous ; like that scared, confused inner little girl I used to be feels increasingly less alone and trampled over.

Anyway the good news is that when it comes to ADHD, treatment has a high chance to have a radical positive impact, it's one of the diagnoses where finding the right combo of therapy/meds/lifestyle changes leads to some of the highest rates of positive change. So I really hope you get there.

The rest is...yeah I don't know how to deal with that either, I'm still figuring it out. My relationship with my mother was for so long such a fucking clusterfuck of layers of manipulation, unaddressed generational trauma, repressed grief, good intentions, petty cruelty, inappropriate behavior, unfortunate circumstances and neglect, over projection and blind devotion and gaslighting, enmeshment and lack of boundaries, abuse done for "your own good" with a smile and a reasonable explanation - it made me feel insane for so long, like I couldn't trust my own feelings or perceptions. And every time I felt like I had addressed one layer I hit on something else, to the point where I started to feel like I would never be free of it. I haven't seen her or properly talked to her in like, seven years and still all this time I was struggling with it - it was necessary to cut contact tho, to assert that boundary. And then to keep building boundaries from there, slowly, frustratingly, to keep digging and asking myself questions. I got stuck and lost so many times, but I feel like I'm finally reaching the end of the tunnel, because knowledge is one of the most powerful things in the world.

Real talk, the emotional incest thing ? I think my mother had a similar dynamic with her own father. And she tried to do better, but because she was unwilling to look at the true ugliness of the situation, instead choosing to wallpaper over it with magical thinking, everything-will-be-fine-if-i-convince-myself-it-is, and an obsession with moral purity, she ended up doing a massive amount of damage of her own. And I am not doing that.

There is a radical power that comes with facing the ugliness head on that I am claiming for myself, and it seems that you are embarking on a similar journey. It's a big thing so we can't do it all at once. I think doing sth like this you have to pace yrself, to chew off little piece by piece, to digest bit by bit, to let some things rot and dissolve, to go through many cycles of doubt and indignity and revelation, to hunt for the truth on pure Instinct and desperate need, to claw off a path from the dark and the impossible, to consider incompatible and paradoxical truths, to let every new bit of knowledge work its way through you and make you stronger and stranger and more yourself. To let yrself be a little bit crazy and seething and deranged, to shake loose the confines of what you thought was reasonable, to find gifts and allies in unlikely places. To expose, to open up, little by little, to find scraps of words that turn into full sentences, to take back power by finding the right name of things. And then, one day, we'll give birth to ourselves this time and we'll find the sun-bleached bones of this horror and make it into jewelry. Or something.

You don't have a handle on things ? Good ! It's probable you have had a handle on things for way too long. Your handle is probably completely broken. So I don't know you, but maybe this is good, in all its harsh inconvenient terrifying way. I know I had to throw away the handle I had first to build a new one. And flying loose for a moment which yeah ! Fucking scary. But also kind of badass, in that private way maybe nobody will ever know but you and so it's extra important you give yourself that credit.

Anyway I'm rambling but I do hope some of this gives you some extra validation. I'm here if you want to talk more, including by message. I know it's helped me so much to read abt other people's experiences, so. It's like a chain of courage, and you can be part of that too.

Also books have helped me so much - some fiction, but especially of late 'Tiny Beautiful Things' by Cheryl Strayed - she's an advice columnist who writes about some super gnarly stuff in such a direct, humane, powerful way, it gave me a lot of strength.

Power and solace to you, anon. 🌸💪🌸💪

[strayneoculturekids]

SKZ Reacting to you Getting an Anxiety Attack

Warnings: This was a request, don’t get mad at me for ‘romanticising’ a mental illness, because I really don’t see it that way, if you insist on hating me, I’ve already explained my thoughts upon it in this post, and recommend you take a read of it before sending that anon hate. Also, note that I’m only writing this because I believe- well, hope, people who get anxiety attacks can take comfort from it. I’ve also limited personal experience on anxiety attacks, plus everyone experiences them differently, so forgive me if this is inaccurate or just sucks

A/N: I got this request ages ago. Like, literally months ago. I’m so, so sorry to the anon who requested it, and I hope you haven’t been going through a particularly hard time lately

Requested by anon: this might seem a lil weird but could u pretty pls write abt how skz would comfort you when you're stressed/having a panic attack? :(( u don't have to if u don't want to,, thanks bb!!!!

----

Bang Chan

- chan gets really really worried

- you’ve told him how many anxiety attacks you get, and he’s even been with you for maybe one or two of them since you two just started dating

- but he doesn’t fully know how yours work yet

- but he tries his best

- chan has noticed you’ve been on edge the entire day, so he does everything in his power to take off as much stress from you as he can

- but it was just some tiny little thing

- like you spill something while getting a drink, or accidentally trip over yourself

- just a tiny thing and you were off

- Chan comes straight to your side

- he was upstairs getting something and he hears you downstairs

- so he comes racing down, almost toppling over at how fast he’s trying to get to you

- and he just sees you on the floor of the living room, hyperventilating, crying, whatever it’s like for you

- and he just

- he’s trying really hard okay

- to help you

- and comfort you

- he does whatever you need him to do

- stay close to you, get something, play music, sing for you, cuddle you, assure you

- he’ll do anything

- It doesn’t matter how long it takes you to calm down, he’s fucking right there next to you for every single second of it

- doesn’t stop when you calm down. He’s still cuddling you. He just needs to know your okay because he really, really cares about you and wants to help you through whatever you’re going through

- “Are you sure you’re okay, baby? I’m here, you know that, yeah? I’ll always be here whenever you need me”

Woojin

- very very extremely protective

- especially if it happens in public

- you two were in a really crowded area

- and he just

- he gets really worried when you start clinging to him like dear life

- and he’ll hold you really close to him, making sure to try and make it so that you’re not touching anyone, or at least making as little physical contact with any strangers as possible

- then you two get broken up a bit by someone rushing past you

- and it starts

- no one notices since it’s so busy, but you’re still worried that everyone is looking at you

- and that only makes it worse

- you’re just hyperventilating in the middle of the streets, desperately trying not to cry and flinching at every little brush up against you

- and Woojin is just trying as hard as he can to push through the crowd to get to you

- finally, he does

- and he wraps his arms around you as tight as he can, pulling you towards his body, probably faces you to his chest so that you can hide your face as much as you want

- and he just walks you to a more secluded area

- doesn’t matter how late you two are to wherever you needed to be

- he just

- holds you

- and makes sure you’re alright

- gets some water

- probably, being himself, he researched some things like breathing exercises to help with anxiety attacks the second you told him that you got them a lot

- and he takes you through those

- or he probably discussed them with you beforehand as well and is just reminding you how to do them

- helps you ground yourself

- “Are you okay? It’s okay, just breathe. I’m here. You’re perfectly fine, just listen to me.”

Minho

- okay so you hadn’t really told Minho about the anxiety attacks yet

- you started dating Minho maybe a month ago so it hasn’t been a long time

- but still, during that time, you hadn’t gotten one anxiety attack, and that was a really big achievement

- really, being around Minho just made you feel safer

- Minho’s eccentric; he likes the attention to be on him, so when you’re with him, you feel like no one is paying attention to you, and that’s really how you like it best, just as long as you get attention from those close to you

- but one day it’s just bad

- there’s no reason for it. It’s just a bad day

- Minho comes over to surprise you because he can do what he wants

- and he finds you curled up in bed, or on the floor, wherever, just rocking back and forth

- you look a mess and it’s pretty early morning

- “Y/N? Baby? What’s wrong? What happened? Did something happen?”

- he asks a lot of questions

- which just makes it worse

- it stresses you out but Minho doesn’t really notice he just gets worried because you aren’t saying anything

- suddenly you start crying and hyperventilating

- he doesn’t know what’s happening

- then it kind of clicks

- and he just

- he feels horrible okay

- he takes care of you as much as he can, making sure you know that he’ll do absolutely anything you need him to do, stays close to you, tells you he’s sorry, tells you how amazing you are, he just does his best

- and it actually helps, because you rarely see Minho so genuinely worried

- once you’ve calmed down and he’s made sure you’re okay, he starts asking why you didn’t tell him sooner

- and he’s just

- he’s trying his best okay and he loves you very much and he’s just worried

Changbin

- Changbin I feel like...he’s had a lot of personal experience with this

- so he’d know how to take care of you well

- but the first time it happens, he’s just really really surprised

- he gets used to it quickly and picks up on what makes you feel better and what triggers it super well

- and he just

- he really really cares about you and he knows what it’s like first-hand to have anxiety attacks and he really hates to know that you know what it feels like first-hand as well

- you two had been dating for a while and pretty much live together but not officially you know

- he was just over at your apartment

- and you really seemed fine

- well he thought so at least

- you guys were doing everything you’d normally do

- cuddling, maybe watched a few movies, cooked together maybe (and I use ‘maybe’ very strongly on the cooking part)

- but then out of nowhere, you just get an overwhelming feeling of anxiety

- and invasive thoughts just flood your head

- and you break down

- “Y/N? are you okay? Y/N, stay with me. I’m here, I’m here. Look at me”

- you start hyperventilating and he immediately reacts

- squeezing your hands tightly, assuring you, making sure you know he’s there, like Woojin he probably takes you through some exercises or methods to help with anxiety attacks

- he’s very calm about it

- but still worried as hell don’t get me wrong, no matter how many times it happens, he’s just as worried as the first time it happened

- makes sure to take care of you and calm you down to the best of his ability every time

- and he does it really well

- overall, he just does a pretty much perfect job at helping you through everything

Hyunjin

- he’s...he’s very concerned...and worried...he has a lot of emotions okay

- you probably tell him straight away, you want him to know definitely what he’s getting himself into when he asks to be in a relationship with you

- he was slightly taken aback, he just thought you were nervous around strangers, but it doesn’t really stop him at all

- he assures you that he’s ready to deal with whatever you’re going through and will stick by you and help you through it

- he just looks so sincere that you don’t push it any further

- immediately, as soon as you two part ways that very same day, he starts researching everything he can to do with anxiety attacks

- he’s had a few before, but not ones severe enough or often enough to know fully what it’s like and what helps with them

- so he just

- he needs to know everything he can to help you

- the first time it happens, Hyunjin gets really really worried but he tries not to ask as many questions as his instincts tell him to

- his mind blanks slightly, even though he researched so much on the topic

- so instead he tries to comfort you with words and he reached out to grab your hand but you flinch away and he gets so scared that he hurt you somehow

- finally, he regains his memories and immediately tries to take you through things and exercises

- anything that might possibly help you

- finally, you calm down a tiny bit, and when Hyunjin slowly tries to hold your hand again, you don’t flinch away

- he squeezes your hand tightly

- “It’s okay, hey, I’m here, please just focus on me. See? You’re not alone”

- he’s trying his absolute best

- like I said before, he just has many, many emotions and is very worried for you but he does really well

Jisung

- I think Jisung also has a fair amount of personal experience on this

- definitely enough to understand

- Like Minho, Jisung’s eccentric personality helps put you at ease, especially when you two are in public

- The problem, however, is that Jisung wants to show you off because he loves you so much and thinks you deserve the world

- He can’t help himself one day and when the attention is on him, he grabs you and pulls you close to him, putting the attention on you as well

- Jisung immediately notices how you grip onto him far too tightly for it to be affectionate. Then he feels you shaking

- He looks down at your face and he immediately realises what’s happening

- without even saying anything to the people he’s talking with, he pulls you away from there, quickly taking you to someplace else

- by the time you two get there, it’s kicked in despite you not having any attention on you anymore

- Jisung sits you down and bends down, his heart breaking when he sees how horrified you are

- “Y/N, Y/N baby I’m so so sorry. I’m here, come, talk to me”

- he grabs your hands and squeezes them tightly, looking earnestly into your shaking eyes

- you’re positively shaking, tears threatening to spill

- Finally, after a pretty long time of sitting there, trying to properly breathe, with Jisung’s help, you calm down

- he stays silent for a while, pulling you into his embrace and just hugging you

- he doesn’t say that you should’ve told him sooner, he knows now and that’s all that matters 

- prepares accordingly for anything else in the future and tries his best to never, ever do anything that makes you uncomfortable like that again

Felix

- ...uhm...

- he just doesn’t know how to react

- now, he knows a lot about anxiety attacks and has experienced it himself as well, but not too many times

- when you told him about your anxiety, though, he actually wasn’t particularly surprised, he saw the signs for it beforehand

- he said that he wanted to help you as best he could and that it could never stop him from loving you

- when the time actually comes, however, he freezes up

- it’s only when he realises just how much you’re panicking that he springs into action

- the fact that you’re hyperventilating, seconds from tears and look like you’re about to throw up breaks his heart, and it makes him panic as well, though he still does everything you need

- immediately rushes to your side, looking at you earnestly and trying to soothe you

- “Y/N, please...It’s okay, I’m here...”

- like Chan, he will not leave your side unless it’s to get something for you

- gets everything you need, does anything you want

- and if you’re too panicked to talk, he’ll talk to you instead, telling you that he’s here, asking you to look into his eyes, holding your hand and squeezing it

- hugging you as well if it helps

- absolutely anything you want or need, he will get

- maybe sings for you, but only if you ask him to the first time, though, if he sees that his singing helps once, he’ll do it automatically for every anxiety attack in the future (does that make sense?)

- actively picks up on what triggers the attacks and what calms you down

- he’s trying really, really hard and he’s so glad that it seems to pay off

Seungmin

- Seungmin is usually a prankster right but as soon as you have an anxiety attack he turns into such kind, loving, caring, boyfriend that is extremely worried for you and your health

- and then afterwards he’ll turn into a therapist, but we’ll get to that later

- like Felix, he picked up on the signs beforehand, and wasn’t particularly surprised when you told him, but when it actually comes to it, his mind goes blank and he forgets how to react

- quickly regains his composure and runs up to you

- he’s really trying his best to stay composed and seem calm because that’s how he usually is and he feels like if you see that he’s panicking too that will only make you more panicked

- probably just has a lot of general knowledge on how to deal with anxiety attacks for absolutely no reason but he’s glad he has it

- takes you through exercises like a lot of the other members

- afraid to hold your hand in case it puts you more on edge, but eventually he does once he sees that you’ve calmed down

- “Hey you’re not alone. I’m here, right? I’m here. Look at me, please. It’ll be okay, just breathe”

- squeezes your hand to make sure you know he’s right next to you the entire time

- Seungmins can have a very calming presence when he wants to, so eventually, you do calm down

- finally, once you have, there’s a long stretch of silence

- and then he speaks

- and suddenly he’s serious again and starts being a therapist™

- asks what triggered it, what you were thinking, how he could’ve helped, etc.

- very purposefully learns everything that he can to help you specifically

- Seungmin is just tryna be calm for you, but he actually gets super worried

- tries his best to comfort you and learn as much about your anxiety as he can

Jeongin

- he

- he wouldn’t know how to react

- at all

- you definitely told him about your anxiety attacks before you actually had one in front of him because you knew that if you had one and he didn’t know what was going on, he’d freak the fuck out

- he kind of freaks the fuck out anyways, despite having a little bit of experience with this himself

- especially if it’s in public

- you two were just out, but suddenly the place had begun to get extremely crowded

- Jeongin worriedly looks over to you, tensing when he sees you’re shaking

- he immediately takes hold of your hand, but he doesn’t know what to do after that

- it takes a while to kick in that he should definitely take you to a more secluded area, but once he realises that, he gets you there as quick as possible

- you were just hyperventilating, and the hand that Jeongin was holding ws sweaty beyond belief, and everything just started feeling itchy or overheated or claustrophobic

 - he sits you down and grabs your other hand, looking earnestly into your eyes, trying not to show you how panicked he is

- he’s definitely afraid of fucking up and making things worse

- he doesn’t know what to say

- “are you ok? I’m here, I’m here. Please breathe, it’s ok, no one else is here”

- very very very relieved when you start calming down

- he just pulls you into a really tight hug afterwards

- he wants to help but he doesn’t really know how to, just give him some time and he’ll get the hang of it

[heyyylittlemo]

Ask game

1. Where did you hide the body??

Me: *pause* No, where did you hide the body—

*police stare at me with disbelief*

Me: there’s no—there’s not a single body here—well stop looking at me like that, you’re the cop! You should know! Why are you asking me for! Body? Whaaaaaat. Ahaha.

*cops shake head*

*whispers to my friend* Guys I think I pulled that one off

Police: you know we can hear everything you’re saying

me: 👁👄👁

2. Favorite rock? The 1975. Dominic Fike. Arctic Monkeys. Bad Suns. The killers. Pale Waves. Etc. That good good shit 👌

3. Most aesthetic season? Fall. Love them orange colors. The leaves falling. Though spring is also neat if you have a bunch of flowers bloomin in shit and winter is only aesthetic when it’s snowing. Boring ass summer tho just be heating me up.

4. When texting do u shorten words or spell out? I used to write stuff out all the time mostly but now it’s like half and half bcuz its just faster and nobody got time for it 🤣🤣

5. Vintage stuff? Hell yeah, but maybe not anything too expensive since some old stuff IS hyper expensive.

6. Colors that pop or blend? Not sure I understand what u mean abt them blending ahaha u mean like when they’re so similar to another?? Well I think it’s nice but honestly I prefer a pop and a bang, y’Know?

- At this moment I realized I was answering the last few questions from a completely different ask and felt like a dumbass 😂 anyways the actual number we’re on is three so imma just kickback

3. Worst dream u have ever had? I had sleep paralysis but was imbetween that and a lucid dream. At first I was paralyzed and could see my bed but my eyes felt closed and open at the same time?? A giant dark demon looking dog had towered over me and began to tear at my neck. It looked and felt very real I started to try to scream and it felt like a scream was coming out but no sound exited. Then I went into a lucid dream where I was being chased by this dog and running for my life I was running by and nobody could save me nobody in the dream when it caught up to me I was back in my bed and it was trying to eat me again. I was so terrified I couldn’t sleep for a whole week.

4. Lyric that comes to your mind? “And I don’t think I can be there. I’m paralyzed,I’m terrified of being alone. When you said I deserved what had happened.”

5. Blood make u uncomfortable? Yes, I passed out once when getting my finger pricked and a VERY small blood sample and another when dissecting a fish.

6. Even or odd numbers? Well I like the number 5,7,9, 3 so odd. (Like me 🤣🤣)

7. Something I hate that I love? Anything I’ve ever loved becuz love can be frustrating. Bruh.

8. 1st initial of someone I hate? Hmm...do I hate someone tho? Not that I can think of...

9. *Skipping down the lane* NOPE

10. Corn dogs? It’s funny cuz when I think of corn dogs my mind will always go to when we first moved to our current house because at our initial town we never had Sonic and while we were getting the house fixed up and moving stuff we use to always get Sonic since it was the closest to us most times to eat and that was a bunch of corn dogs and hotdog days 🤣 so thnk u corn dogs for ur service

11. I’m not a huge movie person so...I looked up movies from 2005 and movies Inlike from this time are Brokeback mountain bcuz it’s gay af, Shark Boy and Lava Girl damn I rewatched the shot out of it when I was younger, Narnia and the Chocolate Factory(although it low key creeped me out as a kid, and idk why).

12. Least fav music genre? Most country, most EDM, dubstep, screaming/really hard rock, some pop music, mumble raping.

13. As someone who waits on tables, my job is my least favorite restaurant experience 🤣🤣 just dealing with ppl...like ok, I’m half Hispanic right?? But I look white. Well, I work at a Mexican restaurant and so sometimes racist costumers will say shady shit just bcuz I guess they think it’s appropriate to say it to me just bcuz I’m not Hispanic in their eyes?? But it pisses me off and I feel like I can’t say anything without causing a drama which I hate and when the “costumers always right” it can be hard to budge and stand up and say “bitch wtf did u just say??” And there’s just folks who take things the wrong ways or ask too much at once or give u a hard time or just say something that sticks onto you for the whole day. One bad move can turn my whole day upside down.

14. 3 things never come near me? Cockroaches, Needles, and close mind ppl

15. Worst way to die? With regrets. Something really brutual, random, or where something just happened to go wrong (accident). Being killed by someone u love.

16. Unusual habits? Doing a Michael Jackson esque “hee-hee” after every sneeze I make, being extremely clumsy and making every task 100% more difficult, having the ability to talk as if I have an accent that comes from nowhere in particular just stupidity also I can’t speak my own language half the time 🙃getting words confused or misusing them in a sentence so I sound dumb having a very weird imagination and thoughts, I swear it like I never went to school and don’t know how the world works, plus many many more

17. Clothing style u want? I want to dress in a way that screams who I am and is a blend of both femininity and masculinity. A little vintage. Grunge. Urban maybe?? What do I know abt fashion 🤣🤣

18. Song or artist that deserves more? Dijon, hands down. I love his stuff. He’s like Frank Ocean meets light-singing beautiful lyricist with a more rock vibe?? Hidden gem. I also think Durand Jones & the Indications needs more love along with BadBadNotGood they sound like old-times but are new!! Oh, and Pale Waves is like a female The 1975 and kicks it. Bad Suns is a good alt rock band that no one seems to recognize :,D Toro y Moi too! His song with Flume “The difference “ is a banger!! Kid Cudi is my man when I want a blend of rock and rap. Also Dominic Fike,King Krule, and Roy Blair, who are all amazing!! Ok I need to stop 🛑

Duck I answered the past questions from a different post I’m sorry 😐

17. Emoji never used? There’s a bunch since I reuse the same over and over again. Lmao

18. 3 sentence Gatorade horror story? A faint quiver overtook the small freezer the Gatorade lay in; no one had come by in days, hours, weeks; when was the last time he met the lips of a thirsty body? They’d forgotten about him, as his last sips remained glued to his hollowing entrance. ‘Help, ‘it wanted to say, but it’s frozen lips could not be moved; It’d stay here, die here...just like the rest.” What am I doing with my life 🤣🙏

19. Do u know what an old bay is? A bay that is old? And old ocean? Idk!!!

20. Can u dance? Sometimes I dance when I’m alone but nothing spectral lol

21. What first comes to ur mind when u see ropes? 2 extremes. Sex and death. Hm. Ok. Moving on.

22. Make an obscure reference. “Even a bra couldn’t hold these nipples” *Holds a water gun to chest*

23. Fav balloon color? Pink or yellow.

24. If u were in court would u be innocent or guilty? Depends, what am I in court for 🤣 lmao jk honestly idk bcuz I don’t think I’d wind up in there

25. Are u hungry ? Nope

26. Unlucky number? Hm I don’t think so but I have a lucky number “123”

27. What’s “JMD”stand for? I’m guessing...Jamming my d—- 💀lol jk ahaha why am so dirt

28. Random inside joke? *chirpy squeak* I’m making a double batch of cookies

29. What sends chills up ur spine? Seeing disgust food or smell disgust or talking abt disgust things like gore

30. How many questions are in ur inbox? A pathetic zero ahaha no one want to ask me anything 😂

31. Someone real who scares u. 2 of my ex friends. One when I was 10 said disturbing things and I was kinda forced onto the friendship and everything they said make me fear for others lives...and then a different ex friend who seemed normal at 1st but became both low key psychopath cult leader type stuff and I booed out of there—-.

32. Run or hide? Uhh probably hide because I’d say even if ppl say “u can run but u can’t hide” u CAN just hide! that’s the point of hiding they not find u xD also why not combine them? Hide then run somewhere far away once I got them off the trial.

33. Last person who made u angry? A frickin beetle that flew at me and pinched me in the middle of singing in the shed xD also my autocorrect

34. What’s going on in ur head? I should probably pee soon—

35. Little thing that makes u Smile? A lot of little things bruh.

36. Are u a descisive person?

Not sure.

*pAuse *

Ok, I guess I’m not then 🤣

37. Would ppl say I’m paranoid? Hm maybe about certain things social situations, singing in front of others what ppl think abt me etc etc

38. Store least likely in? Any southern clothes shop, Abercrombie & Finch types shit, lol

39. Do I like hats fave type? Hm not wear many hats but I think they’re cool any type is cool for different ppl and their aesthetici just can’t rock a hat.

40. Bow ties or ties? Don’t really care but now want to see more bow ties

41. Who? You.

42. What? Reading this shit

43. Where? In ur ass

44. When? Now.

45. Why? Not even u know why.

46. How? We all want to know

47. Do u collect anything? Vinyl records.

48. What tome is it? Time to get a watch

49. Fav transportation? My car or walk is possible

50. Would u ever kill someone to save someone? Don’t want to think about that

51. Make a joke. Yo, it’s time to make a joke—so the other day I was working. And I was practicing my Spanish, yes? Anyone whose trying to learn anew language k n o w s that sometimes words can be so close to another u just confuse then! So apparently churros in Spanish is a desert but if u say it more harshly (it literally sounds almost the same) it makes a whole different meaning—diharrea, but like I didn’t know that so I legit just walked up to this person and asked if they would like some shit to eat. So yeah, that was great. Let’s not forget that I mixed up blood, watermelon, and sangria which is a wine. I legit once said I had mixed wine in my vines and another time watermelon 🤣

52. I’m really confused so I skip

53. Would ur dash be confiscated SFW? By dash do u mean this account? Um not 😬

54. Do I like to cuddle? Hell yeah and manhandle ppl all the time it’s my affection

55. What makes u angry? Close minded ppl or ppl who jump too fast to conclusions, strict schedules just dumb stuff that people try to force when I just want to be carefree 😭✌️

56. How many voices are in ur head? 😐

57. Do U consider urself mentally stable? 😐

58. Are u easily offended? Well U just called me mentally unstable and asked it there was voices in my head!!

59. What’s wrong with taking the backstreets? Uhm...

60. Any questions u want ppl to ask u? Nothing in particular but it’s be nice if someone care to ask me something abt me from personal question to my opinions on shit to 19 days fandom related junk 😌

Woooo I’ve finished this game! Thanks to @seiji-amasawa for introducing me to this ^^