#havent been posting much lately bc ive been at work or writing or reading or playing Zoo Game

[orcelito]

[meruz]

another ask post

i mean i also read it because a friend whos rly into queer SFF fiction circles recced it but she did kinda lead with "the writer used to write hs fanfic...tasmyn..taz...?" to which i replied

of COURSE I read the locked tomb because i heard taz had written a book. of course. ill consume most any media made by a beloved homestuck bnf. thats also why i played undertale. and read like..snotgirl. and idk... watched the new dub of neon genesis evangelion.

if u made homestuck fanwork 10 years ago and havent even made it since chances are I still remember and I love you for it.

sdlkfhsg its funny you sensed that because that drawing did in fact start kinda more........ well, I'd be lying if I said my hands never wrought a drawing toeing over the pg-13 line LOL...

NOT to say i have a secret stash of porn or anything. in general im more interested in the implication of sexuality or mature themes over any explicit depiction. like everything i draw is so softcore itd almost feel silly to make a nsfw acc for anything.

but im not rly jumping to post anything on main either bc i get the sense i have a lot of kids in my social media following. it varies from site to site and fandom to fandom but the themes in my work often circle around childhood, coming of age etc and in general i like stories about kids so the fandoms i draw for have a lot of kids in them. even stuff like IT (stephen king) which is about kids but isn't necessarily for kids.. there were a lot of kids in that fandom lol.

actually thats why ive been censoring swears in comics lately because the tmnt fandom comes across to me as a little young...IDK I've had MULTIPLE people ask me what "sodomize" means because of the joke in this post and I'm like... I Cannot be the one to explain this to you. you have to look it up on your own klfsdhsdg like i wouldn't be doing this if i were doing a comic for mgs or even homestuck wherein the characters textually swear constantly LOL but sometimes u gotta change tacks depending on the faces u see in the crowd yknow.

i HAVE been thinking abt drawing nsfw of sunspot/richard rider/kobak from x-men red just because that comic seemed to be really asking for it. who knows.. if the need rly arises maybe my separate account policy will change.

its rly more a matter of the fact that i havent read/watched much of any other iterations... im sure id like most lol. I like most things related to my interests regardless of quality. i rly like the marvel ultimate alliance games for instance. sometimes seeing my fave guy is enough he doesnt have to be well written LOL. i dont exactly have a wealth of free time tho thats the real impediment.

i did watch the 2007 movie on new years eve and found it quite charming overall. and i have read about 30-40 issues between the mirage and idw comics. still feels like im barely scratching the surface but i liked em. i rly want to read all the sophie campbell stuff bc i think her work is interesting. jason aaron will be a mixed bag i think lmao. i say as the worlds biggest Wolverine and the X-Men (2011) fan.

hmm this is kinda hard bc i feel like i naturally draw very loose and the hard part for me is tightening it up. maybe some suggestions tho...

1) hand excercises. i think its easy to forget this when many artists sit in front of the computer all day but drawing is a physical activity u do with ur actual...bodys...muscles lol. if u feel urself tightening up it might help to strech (any google search for "artist hand excercises" should yield good results) or do a page of loose practice strokes like..big circles. long lines. scribbles. that kinda thing. whatever feels good for ur hand. this is also just good to do as a general warm up before u sit down for any drawing sesh.

2) draw further away from the canvas. as a general rule...when ur painting traditionally you do the big strokes with your whole arm outstreched and a long handled brush. and when you do the details its smaller wrist movements and a shorter handled brush. so it might help to take a step back or push back from ur chair a little.. or hold ur tablet a little further away. and hold your pen further away from the nib.

3) change mediums / brush types. some brushes and mediums are more suited to loose sketching and some more inclined towards detail work. so changing ur tool could help. also! i personally have this problem where sometimes if im using a brush i feel really familiar with the pressure to make a "good" "finished" "perfect" drawing is greater... if i want to force myself to loosen up ill switch to a tool i dont use as often so it feels like the pressure is off. a lot of times for me this is switching from digital to traditional. but sometimes its switching from a small pen to a big marker. or a smooth pen to a textured one. or a nice brush to a shitty dried up marker.

but also every body is different so i dont think these tips will work for everyone. u should listen to what ur body and mind tell u and how drawing feels to you

bro just sign up and set it up i dont think theres much to it... i dont rly think too much abt my itch.io store because its digital goods so u just upload the file and let it do its thing. no distribution work needed on ur part. youll notice i barely even advertise my itch unless i have smth new on there lol.. its easy. but good luck!!!

idk if im the best person to ask this im more a comic fan than i am a comic professional... a comic hobbist.

well. scott mcclouds understanding comics and making comics are good books on the craft. i think i had to buy them for a class in art school once.

other than that idk just keep at it. comics are really laborious i think for a lot of people the hardest part is sitting down and doing it.

i think a lot of people have a very instinctive understanding of how to read comics and what they look like so whatever you think seems like good way to tell the story you have in mind, its probably right. if u get stuck, study comics that have done something similar. most people in comics are relatively self taught and actually it can be problematic bc you can tell when a lot of comic artists are all copying the same like 5 old white guys LMAO. but on the flip side if you make sure to reference and study broadly your comics will almost assuredly feel unique.

sorry im responding to this anyways. this is just a really nice ask. i like when people reference my older work bc i feel like sometimes theyre subtly implying it wasnt very good LMAOOO. but its true! at least compared to the work i make now ^^ and the fact that im still making art is whats keeping me from being embarassed abt how much of my old art just floats around online lmao im never ashamed to be growing and learning. isnt that a nice thought <3

[adonis-koo]

decided to stalk your blog on a random 5am bc i couldnt go back to sleep and found that chapter 20 of wicked had been posted!! and proceeded to read said chapter instead of going to sleep 🤡

i have been following wicked for so long and can words just cant describe how much i love the world building in this fic!! like even after not re-reading the previous chapters before the new update i could always just fall right into it immediately when i start reading the new ones.

and i love how far oc has come all the way as the crowned princess!! her growth!! development!! the way she carries herself!! her love for jungkook!! her combat skills!! literally everything!! ive become so attached to her character that i empathise with her emotions, and make inner commentary on things that happen to her 😂

and jungkook 🥺 both him and oc’s childhood trauma 🥺 makes me wanna just place them under a blanket, tuck them to sleep and tell them everything will be okay 🥺

and also the smut 🫣🤡 keeps getting better as every chapter progresses!! and talking about MAKING BABIES IN THE LATEST CHAPTER WTF!!

in case if you havent been getting feedback i wanted you to know that i still am an active reader of the fic, and i am very much appreciative of you taking your time to write and upload your work onto public platforms, risk people stealing it, AND FOR FREE?? it’s just that i always finish reading the chapters at very ungodly hours when im actually supposed to be sleeping 😂 but i PROMISE you that i will always love and support wicked!! love youuuu

first of all !!?!? immaculate!! I love seeing longtime fans talk about seeing the progress of character growth over a fic, it’s one of my favorite things!! Its especially now that we’re in late-game wicked and I’m finally able to write the things I had been writing during the draft!!

This is honestly such a fun story arc in the story’s and next chapter is even better as a certain….ahem fight breaks out 👀 Seeing MC grow more confident in her own combat abilities was something that I didn’t think much of during the beginning of wicked but it’s become SUCH a little treat, given her background for such a thing is so unlikely, makes me happy that I went this route with her even if a lot of others may have preferred to preserve her original character.

ALSO !!!! Another thing about this story arc is that we get a much more intimate look into Jungkook’s childhood trauma and his personal feelings and stories about a lot of things, it’s just such a sweet and intimate experience along with them becoming more and more smitten with each !!! hence babies potentially being made 👀

Thank you so much for your review 🥹 Long asks like this are SO welcomed as they are not very common anymore! It makes me so happy when long term readers who have been here since earlier chapters come back to drop a little extra love, thank you my dear!!! 🥰❤️❤️❤️

[demadogs]

Hey! Can you rec your favourite snowbaz fics? I keep seeing some posts in between that mention them and i am curious of the names. (Also I know a lot of people in fandom who refused to read the other two books but pls give them a shot. Awtwb is my fav, even more than CO!!)

PS. Shoutout to you and @kidovna for being the only active snowbaz and byler fans i know of! I feel represented!

HELL YEAH I CAN!!!!!!! ive had people ask me for byler fic recs and i couldnt even give them an answer bc literally the only fanfiction i ever read is snowbaz. ive read maybe 4 byler fics total but i read snowbaz fics multiple times a week which is honestly crazy considering i first read the book like 7 years ago and im still wanting more content every day.

most of these arent that long bc i personally like to read something i can read in one sitting or at most 2-3 days. but if you do want a wholeass novel boy do i have an author for you (philaetos).

the wheel by sleepdeprivedphilosopher

this is one of my favorite fics ever and its also by one of my favorite authors. its an au but theres still magic. simon and baz are in this never ending cycle of constantly being reincarnated in a new life together. theyre always rivals and simon always ends up killing baz but every life the situation for why theyre rivals is different. (this isnt a spoiler you find out pretty soon) the reason for this is that the first time simon killed baz he begged fate, who is like an actual personified thing you can talk to, to give him another chance so she “spun the wheel” and allowed him to be able to have another chance every time he messes up and kills him. so theyve been reincarnated for like centuries. its so good that i wish it was a whole book with completely new characters. i hope this author some day actually write a novel like this i love the plot so fucking much. it kinda reminds me of the show dark which is my favorite show of all time.

do as your told by IL46

also one of my favorite authors. they havent posted that much but everything they have i LOVE!!!!!!!! this one is my favorite tho. simon accidentally curses baz with a compulsion spell that forces him to do whatever anyone tells him to do and they work together with penny to try and create a counter spell for this ancient illegal spell that has no current counter. bazs life is pretty much ruined and hes really going through it but simon helps him. lots of hurt/comfort. i really loved this one.

love alarm by nevergonnacallmedarling

my favorite kinds of snowbaz fics are ones with a spell gone wrong and this is one of those. someone casts a spell that makes everyone whos within ten feet of someone theyre in love with have an alarm go off in their heart announcing their love. so baz is fucked and hes avoiding simon at all costs its really fun (not for him).

kiss it better by krisrix

this one SLAPS simon gets slashed by a goblin in the leg and the only way baz could help is with the kiss it better spell but hes so scared to do it bc he has to kiss the wound and ya know vampire and all that. i love this one.

a room just for two by krisrix

another banger by this author. its just late night conversations between the two of them and they slowly become more and more friendly and open up to each other more and more.

dream with eyes open by krisrix

i love this author ok. this ones about simon invading baz’s dreams over the summer break with “psychological warfare”.

sweet dreams by annabellelux

simon has nightmares so baz casts sweet dreams on him every night but that just leads to simon having romantic dreams about baz.

dont hate the player hate the game by annabellelux

i fucking love truth or dare fics

and these are some much longer ones if thats more what youre looking for. i actually am all here for the slowburn and thats it so ngl to you i ditched both of philaetos’ fics after they kissed even tho theres was so much left but i still recommend it because the slow burn slaps.

wondrous and mystical by philaetos

i fucking LOVE philaetos theyre fantastic. this one takes place right after baz gets back from being kidnapped and it really explores his trauma bc the book really brushed over the fact that he was literally locked in a coffin for over a month. so this is simon and baz slowly becoming friends and simon noticing that somethings definitely wrong with baz. i also like fics where simon finds out baz is gay well before they get together and that happens in this one.

ours by phileatos

this one everythings the same but baz has extremely bad internalized homophobia. i havent seen any other fics that arent aus explore this concept and i wish more people wrote it its an interesting take. baz honestly reminds me of mike in this fic.

the truth will set you free by sorbriqette

another classic fucked up spell trope. baz is spelled to tell the truth if hes hiding something he wants to tell someone so naturally he avoids everyone at all costs for weeks

i could recommend so much more honestly there are so many talented writers in this fandom. about the second and third books, im glad you loved them but i honestly will probably never read them for the same reason as me not finishing philaetos’ fics. im here for the slow burn i really dont care about established relationship that much when it comes to enemies to lovers (friends to lovers i eat it up but enemies i just love the angst). and i know they break up in the second book and i just KNOW id put the book down the second they do and never pick it up again even tho i know they get back together eventually. i just think carry on was perfect and i dont want anything to risk ruining it.

[eomma-jpeg]

1, 40, 53!

Do you prefer writing one-shots or multi-chaptered fics?

Honestly,,,, one shots.

I have loved writing in the meadow and it was a serious test of “can i even …. Can i even write that much” come to find out that i can 💀

But i like little snippets and cute quick ideas. I also um love writing makeout scenes and those are easier to pump out in one shots lol. I am also a whore for instant gratification, so one shots are just more fun for me

BUT i really like multi chapter. I have a big college au in my mind that i hope will see the light of day but im not sure.

40. If someone were to make fanart of your work, what fic or scene would you hope to see?

Oh my gosh oh my gosh idk idk uhh heres ideas for in the meadow

I really love the scene when milly and knives are sitting on the bench in chapter… 8? And @noaafishfieldguide did art of that and i sobbed

But i think…. Any fanart is incredible but i would love to see peoples interpretations of moments when knives and milly are alone. Like sitting at the apple tree or just hanging out around each other

There are some moments in the coming chapters that i would ummmm i would love to see fanart of…..

But i have other works !!! most of my other stuff is already based on sketches so there’s already artwork, but i’d love to see people draw for any of those,,,, especially the royai one…….

53. How do you spend your time when it comes to fanfiction? Are you primarily a fic reader, writer, or a perfect 50/50 split of both?

Ummmm no. as of late my fanfiction reading has been put on the sidelines bc ive been writing and editing so much.

Before in the meadow it was like 80% reading other fics and 20% writing my own oneshots that never saw the light of day.,,,, but now its like 95% of the time im writing my own and when i need inspo or someone posts something awesome i will read it

I just get caught up in my own stuff… i literally write it for myself lol

THE PROBLEM IS THERE ARE SO MANY GOOD ONES I JUST HAVENT GOTTEN AROUND TO T-T

[rrxnjun]

IM SORRY FOR ANSWERING SO SUPER LATE LIFE GOT SO HECTIC ALL OF THE SUDDEN☹️

STILL WITH THE TAKE THE STAIRS FIC U GAVE ME LIFE WITH IT ACTUALLY IT WAS SO NICE TO JUST TURN MY BRAIN OFF AND READ IT SO I THANK U FOR IT!! and like actually need a jaemin in my life istg!! AND THE SAME GOES FOR THE TEASER OF UR NEW CHENLE FIC!!! IT ALREADY SEEMS SO FUN!! SO EXCITED ABOUT IT!!! 🥳🤭

I AGREE I WOULD ALSO RATHER JUST GOOGLE THE END OF THE SHOW!!

AHH I HOPE U FOUND SOME ARTISTS SINCE THEN!!! AND THANK U SO MUCH FOR TAKING TIME OUT OF UR DAY AND TRANSLATING FOR ME!! IM SURE U ARE VERY BUSY AS WELL SO THANK U SO MUCH I REALLY APPRECIATE IT!!!!🥹🥹💝💓 and my god the lyrics are so☹️☹️☹️ it's just such a great song and now it even got so much better with understanding it!!!🥲

WELL IF IT DOES HAPPEN I WILL BE HERE XD parents smh /j (but like actually i understand them cuz traveling alone can be risky☹️) thank u i hope we will figure something out if it does happen🥹🥹

IM GLAD THAT U ARE DONE WITH ONE OF UR ESSAYS ALREADY!! AND I HOPE SINCE MY LAST ASK U STILL ARE DOING GOOD WITH UR SCHOOL WORK AND STUFF🥳

I LOVE UR POSTS THERE LMAO SO DONT BE SORRY and ofc i agree!!! zach was my fav from the why dont we boys🤭 OH MY I HAVENT HEARD ABOUT THE VAMPS IN AGES damn now i'm gonna go and listen to them😵‍💫(also saw that u turned into a treasure stan🫣 and ur take on jikjin!! it's such a great song glad u listened to it!!!)

(liebestraum anon💕 and sorry if i disappear again and for writing a lot i swear i will try and keep it short for once☹️)

AHH ITS TOTALLY OKAY!!!! cant say i didnt miss you but i ofc understand that u have your own life and responsibilities and such,, so dont worry about it🤍🤍 AND THANK U SM AGAIN!!!

DJDJSJ MY CHENLE FIC IS FUN BUT THEN IT GETS DEPRESSING REAL QUICK SO UHHH HOPE YOU'RE READY FOR SOME ANGST ;-; (also i started rewriting liebestraum. just thought i'd let you know<3)

im super glad u enjoyed my translation!! the lyrics are really screamable in my opinion,,, and i also hope i did them justice however i bet i did a better job than all of the ones i saw online :p its not the best artistic lyricism but i like it nonetheless DJSK sometimes u need simple songs to jam to.

travelling alone COULD be risky </3 me and my uni friends randomly travelled to vienna last week because it was warm out and we thought our seasonal depression was finally over and i love me some spontaneous decisions but also it was so anxiety inducing bc it was my first time going abroad with no supervision 😭😭 we had SO much fun but also the stress we were put through to find the bus platform back home ??? never again. was so bad that i broke my 5 month streak of not smoking bc i had to calm myself down somehow and then i was put through the stress of buying cigarettes in german when i caNT SPEAK GOOD GERMAN but 10/10 i would do it again and it made me more confident abt travelling with friends so i WILL drag my equally spontaneous uni friends to budapest as soon as i can. (please tell me they speak at least a little english there)

I AM ACTUALLY DONE W 4 ESSAYS NOW WHOOP WHOOP ‼‼‼ 4 MORE TO GO BUT IM DOING WELL NO STRESS SO FAR. HOPE YOUR SCHOOL IS GOING WELL TOO!

wait do u rlly bc i think im so annoying on there sometimes like girl chill😭😭 but ZACH WAS ALWAYS MY FAV TOO altho i did have a daniel phase. I havent listened to the vamps in ages either i should catch up or sum ;-;

omg dont mention the teumefication of bar i wont admit it to myself yet DHSKSK however jikjin is now my fav song and i fear seeing my 2023 spotify wrapped bc of it now. ive also been watching a concerning amount of treasure map and finding myself in love with jihoon but thats...not important rn.

ill be waiting for u liebestraum anon!!! dw abt sending long asks i always look forward to them🤍 hope your days are filled with joy mwah

[lunargrapejuice]

hi my love!!! I just saw your recent post hehe and wanted to say hi~ I know I don’t really stop by that much but I really do enjoy binge reading and catching up on your fics whenever I get the chance! Sigh I still remember the first time I read one of your diluc angsts.... the raw hurt made my heart clench so badly in the best way!!! To me, angst that physically hurts is what makes it top tier and the best!!! anywayyyy I haven’t started the sumeru archon quests yet, are you enjoying them? I really want to do tighnaris story quest but I’ve been farming primos for xiaos ‘supposed’ rerun..... he will be mine but I might have to spare a few wishes for yae and childe and scara..... I havent decided yet sigh.... are you going to wish on any of the upcoming banners? I really want to wish on this banner but only for noelle bc id love more constellations for her but I promised myself I’d stay strong for miss miko </3 anywayyyy I hope you’re doing well!! Also, kaeya angst is always appreciated and I will wait until forever for it!! Muah -hurt/comforts#1fan

HI SWEETIE!💖 it’s so good to hear from you 🥺 no worries about not stopping by that much, i totally get it but i hope you know i love when you do 🥰 im sorry i haven’t had much to catch up as of late😫 im hoping to fix that real soon. YOU ARE THE SWEETEST💖 i live for angsty fics that make my heart physically hurt but to hear my writing also does that too ??? ahhh i could cry 😭 i am liking the quests! i haven’t done many except the archon quest & even then im so behind haha im loving all the al haitham & his tits screen time though 😍hopefully they do rerun for xiao soon so he can come home! he’s one of my fav characters to play & please he is just so cute i wanna kiss his angsty face. ive been thinking about wishing for yae too because i don’t really have any electro characters i really play with but i haven’t decided if i should or if i should just save up for al haitham 😫 DECISIONS, DECISIONS & THEY ARE SO HARD TO MAKE. im dying for lyla though so no matter what banner she’s on i’ll wish a little & try to get her heh. YES STAY STRONG FOR MISS MIKO, I BELIEVE IN YOU. it’s so hard & the urge to wish is heavy lol but just think of miko *summons sexy fox lady thoughts*. ive been doing okay! it’s been a bit of a tough week for me but im stay positive & looking forward to some better days 🥰 i hope you’re well love & have a great weekend🥺💖 OH DO YOU HAVE ANY ANGST IN MIND because i am always down for it heh. i still have to do his sleeping on the couch fic & ive been working on an angsty smut for him & diluc too heh👀

[to-illustrate-the-stars]

y’all want some,, huwumi

[lupinzapezit]

hello i thought it was probably time for a state of the blog update so,,, if you wanna know where ive been and whats happening read below (tw for mental health / s.uicide mentions)

if you do read, please like this post just for my own knowledge

okay so first of all i rly hate to be making this post because i absolutely hate being that person in the rpc who just constantly whines and guilt trips people over their own mental health without taking steps irl to work on it. im not gonna go into a lot of detail bc frankly its a lot and i dont super feel like it. (also i feel like its only kinda acceptable when the Big Blogs post a lot of ooc which i am definitely not, like my value is only tied to how much content i output but thats something im working on in my own time and not anyones fault persay)

basically i had a lot of shit happen at the end of 2019 that cause me to go into a very low period and while i was working on improving from that time, obviously the world had different plans plus last year was my final year of uni. i moved out in february this year in the hopes that it would continue to help me heal but along with the fallout of some other events, it’s left me incredibly alone and with a fraction of the support network i once had. june was extremely rough for me where i attempted twice and nearly didnt make it to my 21st birthday.

pretty much with working in customer service and australia being in and out of lockdown constantly (which makes my work much busier because people contact us when they cant go into stores), ive barely had any room to breathe or to try and work through things? and because writing is tied to my goal career of film and thats been difficult as well, you can probably guess why ive been struggling lately to be on tumblr and to write.

now dont get me wrong i adore my muses and being able to write. bucky has been an extremely fun and interesting character for me to explore. i literally never thought i’d end up writing a marvel muse and its caused a lot of hesitation due to how i approach him and feeling insecure. which is fine! thats natural! and ive been doing my best not to project those insecurities onto the dash and my partners but because of how poor my mental health is lately, that means ive just been very inactive. tumblr has always felt like a place where if you’re not constantly active then you lose people and while i know that’s not necessarily the case, it’s still a struggle. when i am here, it just feels like yelling into a void which is not a great motivator.

so what does this actually mean? tbh i’m still trying to figure that out. i made this blog initially with the intent of it being quite small and focused on character exploration n the like and i do still want to keep that goal. there’s a lot to bucky i still very much want to write and explore which i havent because of various reasons. i dont necessarily want to leave but i feel increasingly unsure about my presence which sucks because i have made some very good friends in the last year and a bit stint ive had on tumblr since leaving my old main rpc. i dont really want to give up this passion. 

for the time being, i’m probably still going to be low activity and my presence on the dash will be minimal. if that turns you off, feel free to soft block or unfollow. you can tailor your own experience the way you want. replies are probably going to be more queued and i wanna put a stronger emphasis on longer threads and character/dynamic development as i originally intended. again thats not everyone’s cup of tea so if you wanna leave then feel free. but atm i dont really feel connected to my partners and mutuals which sucks and i wanna improve on that. btw if you are reading this and youre down with this, message me and say hi!! i know that tumblr rp has developed this culture of not approaching people (and i struggle w this too) but the easiest way to plot with me is just to ask.

so yeah! tldr; brain extremely sucks, been feeling very disconnected and uncertain about my muse/writing capabilities/general self esteem, trying to work on that by taking things at my own pace and having bigger threads/metas more infrequently. i’ll still be more active on discord of course but hopefully these steps will help me feel a bit better about being here. 

thanks for reading all of this if you did, i really appreciate it :)

[yunkiwii]

🌿 little letter not really, i just want to sound cool to my followers 🌿

OK so hii everyone, this is a little clarification (or announcement idk) regarding the fact im extremely behind on a lot of works for collabs, among other things i had planned. I didn't want to post about this and been debating on whether i should or not, but i figured i'd feel better by explaining my "kinda" absence in the writing world. might also count as a vent so it will probably get deleted later jsjxjsjs

The thing is, my eye sight kinda sucks. It's not even that i see really poorly, its not that deep dont worry pls!!! it's just that my eyes get easily tired (literally, the muscles are kinda dumb) lately which gives me a lot of headaches. Earlier it wasn't like this but now with driving every day, working and having classes, when i get free time to enjoy my hobbies, such as writing, i'm just too tired for it. Because of that all of my wips had slowed down significantly in the past two months.

The smau im releasing this week is thankfully up to schedule because I've been working on it for several months now, so that one will hopefully go by smoothly.

Regarding all other works.. well, im trying and soon my new glasses will arrive which i think will help a lot aixjsjzn

If you read all this ooofp thank you!?!?!?!?

I'm just really frustrated for not being able to enjoy my hobbies lately esp bc soon i will not have as much time as i have now, and also felt like i needed to explain why i havent posted much since ive simply been vanishing and then returning for a little while.

– with all the love, suni ♡

[seijch]

ANNOUNCEMENT: NOT A HELLO, BUT NOT A GOODBYE EITHER

omg hi ... im like . ashamed to come back after saying brief hiatus in october and then disappearing off the face of the earth til FEBRUARY but under the cut i will be explaining myself and the following, if youre interested (and a tl;dr at the very bottom if you don’t wanna scroll thru this obnoxiously long post):

the reason(s) i was gone for so long

what i was doing during that time (its just a personal account yall can scroll past this idrc)

the status of those um . halloween requests

the future of this account

i. so . Hiatus .

i know. i know . i probably mentioned it when i made the announcement post, but my mental health likes to go on one of those rides. yknow the ones where you go like up rlly fast then down maybe and then up then DOWN .... its like that. i needed a break and every time i wanted to come back or thought about it, something would happen and i would get stuck in my own head.

a big reason for getting stuck in my head was (and i hate to admit this ... i hate to admit that i have Insecurities On The Internet) my feelings of inadequacy regarding my writing. i love to plot fics, i love concepts and characters and making little headcanons but i dont ... know if i love writing rn. and i thought for the longest time that like . whatever ill just push thru it its fine ill be fine but it kinda wasnt lmao you can kinda see it in my halloween reqs and what become of them when i get to that but i began to feel like nothing i had put out or would put out would hold up prose wise (and normally i dont feel like this im much more “idc its my life im living it” but thats not a rant for tumblr LMAO). i still feel like that -- like im better as a reader than a writer. but . You Know :-)

tl;dr: mental state go brrrrr

ii. anywhere here’s wonderwall

when i left, i was in a steadily decreasing mental and emotional state, made worse by a situation at work that really was a case of petty jealousy on my end and rlly isnt very consequential now despite how much pain and resentment it gave me when it Was a problem so i wont get into it. the tl;dr of november and december was me using work as an crutch and distraction -- i know my job, i do it well, it helped me not think about my responsibilities and obligations and inadequacies. of course, as the holiday season grew busier n busier i was scheduled so often that i moved 88 or so miles (according to my apple watch, which i ONLY wear at work since im never anywhere else outside my house) and fell into a cycle of showering n sleeping at my house before going back the next day. (theres definitely something to be said abt capitalism and “grind culture” here but once again its not the time or place snsjkdfds)

at the turn of the new year, i happened to remember a birthday card i hadnt filed away for safekeeping from a friend of mine that id been horribly out of touch with til that point. i started crying because i realized how out of touch id been in general up until that point. the month of january was great for me: i was focused, happy, and in a much better place than i had been before. the end of it brought me down focus wise and im hoping that enough time away from my distractions will refocus me bc i ... need it LMAO and though ive burned out from that level of productivity and gotten distracted again im ... trying to stay positive which i think is the most i can do 😁👍🏼

media wise, i got real into stardew valley (but burned out bc i played it extensively as a way to wind down after work), the pokemon platinum romhack renegade platinum (still havent finished it bc of school n i played it w the intent to see if i could nuzlocke it ... bitch its so hard but its so fun bc of it), briefly assassins creed: odyssey (im one of those ppl who completes an entire region before i move to the next so you can tell i burned out of that one + wouldnt have the time to properly devote to it even if i didnt), got back into genshin impact after pulling for xiao (after not touching it for like . months), and danganronpa. yes . danganronpa 😐 i Know. i stopped playing it after the second trial of the first game bc i was so hurt by the outcome and picked it up in late january only to get sucked in (thank god i had the foresight to buy the second and third games during the steam winter sale). rn im at the start of chapter 4 if anyone wants to come in my asks and um . talk to me abt danganronpa

tl;dr: I’m Into Danganronpa Now

iii. you realize halloween was three months ago right

i mentioned this in the first section, but i love to plot things. every request is plotted or at least has a solid foundation. i had fun detailing what concept i wanted to go with considering what i was given, and there were some bangers i might touch up in the future. but heres whats going to happen to the requests themselves:

there are two finished requests. one will be posted tomorrow and the other will be touched up (just bc i finished it doesnt mean its good 🧍‍♂️) and scheduled for next saturday. as for the ones i never got around to ...

i will not be finishing those requests. i hate to be That Person, but i feel like we all expected this 🧍‍♂️ what i will do is post all of my notes for each request in batches -- requests that have an @ to go with them will be mentioned in the post proper, but anon asks will be pictured. (there are some asks that came from blogs who are now deactivated but i wrote down all the prompts and remember most of those askers so ill cross that bridge when i get there) there will most likely be an excerpt or two simply bc i think i mightve written a few plot points or interactions in the form of bullet points. i rlly am sorry about doing this but i remember looking at my notion doc with all the prompts and feeling ... like i wasnt measuring up n it wasnt just to myself or to some intangible concept of “other” id constructed but it was instead to those who requested n actually WANTED to see and hear and read my writing and i ...... im gonna admit thats another big reason i avoided this site.

regardless, youll definitely get what i have (and likely more than just my bullet points and illegible handwriting).

tl;dr: im sorry. what i have in terms of plot, concept, and interaction for every request will be posted, but i cant say ill ever complete them and mean it.

iv. so what now?

well i mean . im not entirely sure how sold i am on haikyuu in the content creation department (as a creator n to a lesser extent, as a consumer). as mentioned previously, its no longer my primary focus. it doesnt mean im not into haikyuu anymore; i have a lot of love for those boys but i cant rlly say im even caught up w recent fandom activity and also havent even finished s4 pt2 LMAO thats on my to do list

and despite all that, i still want to share my plots n concepts and snippets and maybe even fics. it wont happen anytime soon. it might not even happen. but i mean . its better than me saying i wont write ever again shjdkfs but either way ill probably use this blog as a personal blog w the occasional ask game for dialogue prompts (those are always so fun i love making up aus to fit like . the most mundane prompts)

as for my works (past and any potential future), ive opened an ao3 acc here n ill be editing n possibly expanding on my old works to post there. tumblr, to me, is The x reader hub, but i figure more x reader fics on ao3 is never a bad thing.

ill be deleting/posting drafted posts to the queue since they were all meant to be queued anyway as well as (sorry again 🧍‍♂️) deleting or answering asks in the inbox. (moots if you get a notif from me saying i rbed your post from months ago ... mind your business) im very hard to get ahold of and its ... a problem. expect an overhaul of the nav n shit to reflect my new direction n also because i feel like i cant tell if my passion for carrd is shared by the majority HSDKLFS maybe its better to read my info in a normal post ykwim .......

and of course . if youve read all this n decided im no longer worth the follow, i sure as hell cant stop you. thank you for wanting to, at some point, hear what i have to say -- it means more than you think.

tl;dr: writing will be edited and reposted to ao3, this blog will be a personal blog with a hint of writing (sometimes)

the tl;dr to end all tl;drs:

im back! i wont be as active as i used to due to a lessened interest in haikyuu in general, but i have an ao3 acc now where all my past work will be edited, possibly expanded, and reposted. any future work will also find itself there. my halloween requests will be posted in batches as incomplete concepts, plots, and snippets of scenes; i wont be promising to finish any of them.

there are still fic concepts im attached to and want to finish, but i cant promise any more writing on my end. this blog will be a personal blog with maybe writing, not a writing blog with my personal thoughts all over it.

regardless if you stick around or not, its been crazy sexy cool (equal emphasis) being on haikyuu tumblr even tho i wasnt around for long ... even tho its not my main focus anymore, im still excited to see what the future might hold 🤝

love, ari 💌

[daaziscoolbesties]

i yearn for one(1) thing only, and that is to have a nice, simplistic, cartoonish artstyle. an artstyle that doesnt rely on anatomy, but the "movement" of the drawing, if you get what i mean.

i dont want realistic proportions and traditional colors and basic poses and gradient shading, i want funky lil dudes in funky poses with funky styles littering my sketchbook :( but alas i havent figured out how to develop that kind of style yet, my brain wants anatomy to look nice but also i dont want to draw eyes. i dont want to take time out of my day to learn how to draw lips i want to draw a line that extends past the characters face. i dont want all my characters to have pointy chins with curved cheeks i want their heads to be round and friend-like or full of sharp edges depending on their personalities and styles. i want to give them all not-quite human ears, blob feet, simple faces, but at the same time i want enough detail to convey the story or emotion im trying to tell.

ive spent so much time recently agonizing over how to use 3d model websites, using real-life references and tracing over them for practice, color-picking from real images to try and do realism and failing miserably, but you know whats easier than that? funky little dudes. little dudes who do not care if their legs are too long or their hair is too bouncy. i dont want my characters to look human.

ive spent enough time on the artfight website to realize that most people who classify their characters as "human" have the most basic ass designs (no offense to people who like basic human designs its just not my thing) or its like dnd-medieval style outfits which i cant draw for the life of me (ive tried). again no offense to people who actively enjoy and draw characters like that. i just need my dudes to have that certain,,, off-ness to them. tails are cool. wings are swag (especially if they arent even like,, fully attached,, ), elf ears are so wonderful to me no matter how much theyre overused, horns are so much fun to draw, and colors!! i have no knowledge in the color theory department so this works great for me!! the only thing i really know is dont shade with black, other than that i just colorpick from references usually but i dont want to do that!! i want the colors to hurt people's eyes but in a satisfying way. like the character's design is so nice to look at that you dont mind your eyes hurting a bit. like how im enjoying writing this post even though its 2 am and the brightness on my computer wont go any lower.

and then another thing ive noticed from being on the artfight website is that a lot of people classify their characters that are anthro/have anthro features under humanoids/monsters. like i made a google form to find some people to attack and someone sent me in a character with some sort of animal (wolf? idk) arms and legs. like dude!! peak character design i love her. but me personally? i cant draw that shit, its so hard for me. i tried a while back and its just Not my thing. nothing against furries i just. cant. and i dont want to either.

and i got another submission that i accidentally deleted that was like full anthro/wolf-like like my comrade,,, i cannot draw animals what makes you think i can draw an animal who acts like a human lmao. i can do like. very basic tails, and also animal ears but i cant do the arms and legs and such i just dont know the anatomy, and i know i was talking about how i dont want to care about anatomy but i feel like for anthros you really do need to know at least basic animal anatomy so you know how the limbs look and shit and i dont have that knowledge and dont feel like gaining it.

and then there were some submissions that i absolutely adored. there was one that like, was vaguely human shaped but definitely was not a human. they had a dark-ish lavender colored skin and horns and tusks and like goat ears and a sorta fluffy tail with spikes on it and they had wings and such and they were such a pleasure to draw i love them. and they had a fairly simple outfit too, nothing too complicated. and then i also enjoy object head characters, theyre so neato to me. i got one of those and i really wish i had the motivation to work on it cause it looks so fun.

i want to make funky characters but id have nothing to do with them because the only book i ever tried writing (key word tried - never got past planning it out) had strictly human characters in it, and most of the books i read are humans/humans with powers in situations specific to them so id have no idea what lore to make with the dudes. assuming i have the motivation to make lore and backstory because honestly i just really enjoy character designing its super duper fun.

(side note a song about trucks doing the deed came on just now and its interrupted my flow, apologies).

i only have three actual characters right now. one is an original roleplay oc whos design is literally athletic shorts, an oversized long sleeved grey sweatshirt, long purple hair, and demon horns. the second one is my persona whos design some sorta medival knight outfit kinda thing? but not ugly it looks really cool (idk one of my friends designed it bc i won some contest from him but the drawing was on a super small scale so idrk the details,,,) with a plague doctor mask and crown, and shoulder length wavy brown hair, dyed bright pink at the end. and then my last one im not too comfortable using other places because theyre a character my friend is using in the story hes writing, and thats really the only place theyve been used. but theyre easily my favorite and im already writing a ton so ill talk about them too.

they're a sorta elf species thing from another planet, with pale green skin and pointed ears. they also have a tail, its like,, super thin, but with a feathery bit at the end. probably not the texture of a feather but i dont know how else to describe it. they have short, curly, almost-draco-malfoy-blonde hair that when it gets too long they can put in a man bun. their eyesight is kinda shitty so when they got to earth, they were exploring some supply closets around the airship. drop off area. thing. like airport but for rocketships and also fancier. yeah. they were exploring that area and found a nice big pair of round glasses with grey frames. and they also found a cowboy-style hat and a sharpie so they wrote their name on the underside of the brim of the hat and stole the hat and glasses (but left the sharpie in the supply closet).

yeah theyre my favorite, my absolute beloved, my child, so cool. i want more characters like them but with maybe a bit more snazzier designs. theyre super cool and all but they could have more pizzazz if they werent in a story where its too late to give them more pizzazz. i just want to be able to give my characters thigh-high boots with a bunch of buckles and fluffy hair with tons of accessories crammed in and abnormally large and long ears that can harbor many piercings and horns that can hold rings on them and special little details on their outfits like who knows what but i dont have any characters to do that too, so i have to make them from scratch, which is always hard especially when you have artblock.

and i also have like 17 characters i need to fully draw, line, and maybe color for artfight before august 1st. so i dont know. i have many things to do and plenty of time to do it but instead i spend my time halfway watching repetitive youtube videos that get boring or sleeping all damn day because i stay up too late doing things like this or i just do nothing at all and its tiring and frustrating but i also feel nothing about it like theres no consequence if i dont do it besides you know. not doing it, not gaining that experience, not making something i enjoy.

so i should do it but i dont for whatever reason, i think its called executive dysfunction but im not sure. this post started out very differently than it ended and i said somewhere up there that i was writing this at 2 am but now its almost 3. this is so many words why couldnt i have put this energy into something productive

[hopipp]

tag game!

Rules: answer the questions and tag people you’d like to get to know better.

tagged by: one of my new moots @uchiwaka! thanks friend! ur url is bomb and the fact that you like bokuroo assures me that you have IMMACULATE taste.

tagging: @softyiwa @atsuu @nyaanko @runicfairy @rantaroamami @seijouthirdyears ​ @techno-trashcan ​ !!!! :D and anyone else interested!

(Under the cut bc its long af on mobile)

What do you prefer to be called name-wise? jules, hop, hoppip! but anything goes really

When is your birthday? april 18th! im bday buddies w terushima yuuji and asahi shiina. big aries energy.

Where do you live? i live in a sharehouse in south london but i grew up in toronto to italian immigrant parents

Three things you are doing right now.

writing a dissertation on LGBTQ+ pride buttons/badges in the late 20th century

thinking about iwaoi

smiling at the dog pics my friend is sending me on discord

Four fandoms that have piqued your interest?

that volleyball show you know the one

mo dao zu shi / the untamed bc wangxian 

i got into golden kamuy recently and i love it sm and think its totally underrated. its like jojo and gintama humour but by a mangaka who drinks respect women and respect indigenous ppl juice pls read it

im also fresh to the jjk fandom and id already kill for the main trio. gay/lesbian/bi solidarity.

How has the pandemic been treating you? BAD THANKS! when it first started i flew home to toronto to stay with family, who drove me crazy, so i moved back to london in september and have since then been off and on in lockdown. and bc of this i havent been able to really get much of my research done or find a full time job in my field. life is struggle at the moment but at least im in europe? 

*tw* also because of covid i had to attend my own grandfathers funeral on zoom. the absolute worst thing ever. 

on the bright side i started a haikyuu watchalong a few months ago and met a great group of folks. we made a discord afterwards and i love chatting with them every day <3

A song you can’t stop listening to right now? LUCID by rina!!! the entire sawayama album!!! and for some reason jet pack blues by fob

How old are you? 24

School, university, occupation, other? I have a BA in history and am working on my MA in queer history right now. I also have a part time job at an artisanal vegan kimchi company. yes, completely relevant to my studies i know. *sarcasm* i also volunteer at a local LGBTQ+ history organization.

Do you prefer heat or cold? my answer always changes because when im dying of heat i long to ski and ice skate but when im cold as balls i want to be sweating on a beach somewhere. to be honest i prefer mild autumn weather. a cheeky 18C maybe. 

Name one fact others may not know about you. i love to cook and i have an instagram dedicated to my plant based creations where i post recipes and stuff

Are you shy? used to be but not at all anymore

Pronouns? whatever floats ur boat

Biggest pet peeves? Straight People TM

What is your favourite “dere” type? i guess good ol tsunderes *blows a kiss to tsukki and inuyasha*

Rate your life from 1-10, 1 being crappy and 10 being the best it could be. uhmm 8 or 9? im very happy i moved back to london but miss rona has really fucked me over. 

What’s your main blog? this one!

List your side blogs and what they’re used for.

@gay-pirate-anime my one piece blog

@kira-kween jojo blog

@oddliy lgbtq+ and film blog

@suiibiian MDZS blog

@18496 photography

@jimin-juice bts blog i dont use much anymore

@fancy-tuna my old url and now mostly shitposts

ive been on tumblr for like 10 years so they’ve piled up

Is there something people need to know about you before becoming friends? i dont think so? idk? i like oikawa and im queer thats enough to know lmao. be my friend <3

[clumsyclifford]

6, 12, 14, 15, & 21 for the writing asks? -megs 💙

hachi machi okie dokie how many more nonsense rhymes can i say ok that's it great let's go

6. What fic is on your back burner, waiting to be written when you feel your skill matches its potential? answered this one here! i'm SURE there are more though let me check my fic ideas doc (fun fact my fic ideas doc is still called "Malum fic ideas:" from back in the early days of this blog when i was chiefly writing malum because of helen). oh! well. the major league baseball au is still uh, kinda back burner-y. that's another one that i started and then ran face first into a wall known as The Wall of Trying To Realistically Represent A Situation I've Never Been In But Also Include Romance Which Would Not Typically Exist In This Setting So I'm Really Setting Myself Up For Failure Here it's a really annoying wall i know hazel hits it too so i'm just ignoring it for the moment. i also think a castaways fic (the concept, not the song) would be really awesome but tricky because, once again, i've never actually BEEN a castaway, and my knowledge of the topic is pretty heavily based on the book hatchet so like. yeah. i have a lot.

12. Where do you commonly find inspiration for your stories? everywhere! i saw in your answer you said you hear song lyrics and think they'd make good fic titles, i do EXACTLY the same thing (hence the doc "good lyrics for titles"). one day ill make that doc into a prompt list and post it on here and just fuck myself over. previously ive gotten some inspiration from movies but i shortly after completing baby driver au i realized that was a fluke and that in general i am pretty bad at making fics out of movie plots because i am very bad at remembering salient details about movies in the order that they happen. like i started a robin hood (2018) au but barely got anywhere with it because i realized i had never actually understood the plot well enough to write it. i would say the things that inspire me the most are songs (we know i loooove a songfic, mostly bc they make the job so easy by just laying out the plot and vibe for me) and also things that happen to me and feelings i have about those things. unfortunately many of my experiences are not universal (hello jewish summer camp) which may be part of why i've had so much trouble coming up with ideas lately. but as soon as i'm back at school i get the feeling i'll be doing fine again.

14. Share a few sentences of what you’re currently working on? what AM i currently working on? technically speaking i'm kinda sorta working on two things but one of them just doesn't have a good snippet and i don't wanna do a Reveal yet so ill give you this one instead, from a fic i might never even post:

“Oh, I meant to tell you, my mum called earlier, she asked if you’re okay.” Ashton’s mum always asks if Luke is okay. Exactly that way, is Luke doing okay?, like Luke gives off some kind of not-doing-okay vibe. He suspects it’s a leftover instinct from his and Ashton’s mutual breakdown a few years back, but honestly, he’s doing better now. It’s sweet of her to ask, but she could just ask about him the same way she asks about Michael and Calum. How’s Luke? would be fine.

“I am great,” Luke says. “How’s she? Is she okay?”

“Yeah, she’s okay,” Ashton says. “She’s started taking Harry to look at some universities.” He pauses. “University. You know? What the fuck?”

“No way,” Luke says, and tries to work out if he’s meant to be surprised by that. He can’t remember how old Harry is. Clearly almost uni-age. Ashton’s told him this a million times, but Luke can’t keep track when the answer keeps changing. He doesn’t want Ashton to think he’s forgotten, so he just says, “That’s insane.”

15. What are some of your favorite tropes to write? Do they match the ones you read? answered this one here as well! i've managed to get unbelievably long-winded answering every single one of these questions so far so i won't write another answer for this one

21. Do you have any stories you’ve written completely but never posted? Why? Please tell us about them? yes!! i have a handful. let me hunt them down. okay final answer, i have five!

one is an au based on the prompt "we’re at a party and someone asks what your type is and you describe me perfectly while staring right at me” which i never posted because i wrote it a while ago and honestly i don't think it's good enough to post. also i kinda don't like the background character i made jack barakat. i could edit it. but. ehh

one is a fic that is set in the daydream jalex fic 'verse, but the only way it's relevant to that 'verse is because it has ace!jack, and it's highly personal and probably the most projection-heavy fic i've ever written and i never posted it because i'm nervous to be Known like that lol

one is technically emo lashton, but not actually set in the emo lashton 'verse that i've created, and that one is ALSO one of the most projection-heavy fics i've ever written. it's usually the fics that are full of projection but in a specific way that i think isn't really relatable that i write but don't end up posting. it's a good fic honestly i wouldn't be against posting it i just never have. also partially because i'm between two titles for that fic lol

one is.......something that was originally going to be set in a different fic universe (for a fic i havent posted or finished writing lol), but now i don't know if it will necessarily fit in that 'verse, so it's kind of its own very short but complete thing. i never posted it because (1) it's super short, less than 1k, and i don't like to post stuff that short, and also (2) just in case it DOES fit the fic 'verse, i don't wanna give away the ending, lmao

and lastly there's a fic i wrote in an excited haze when sam and meghna and i made the ssf and the aces plans, which is like, ot4 meeting but they're all internet friends. guess what inspired that. i'll never post it because it really wasn't written with the intention of posting it, i sent it to sam and meghna and they were the only people i wanted to read it and they have so <3

writing asks

[el-im]

im putting all the things ive been meaning to write posts about into one single item because i am feeling Very Observed lately and i figure with it being as early as it is that hopefully this wont show up on some peoples dashes by the time they get around to pulling up tumblr today. 

first of all heres a photo dump and some captions

from when i texted charlie my images of the sisko card, which i was really hoping he’d like

a smiley face on my coffee 

i was gonna make a gender joke here bc the longer i looked at these before n after pinning back my hair pictures the more i was like ‘oh we just flipped gender presentation like a lightswitch huh’ but that was not funny and i am not funny and I wish i were but im not and its kind of a >:( fact thats been bugging me lately. 

from mom, yesterday, who dropped off one for me, one for nick, one for mia, and one for abe. i was expecting this to be the only thing i got/heads up/message on valentines day but i woke up this morning to find that aub had sent me a playlist that i looked at but havent listened to yet (because im trying to order my responses to things in increasing complexity and time--i responded to the tik toks elanor sent me first, them had a look at the star trek document that joe sent me and commented on the questions he asked without giving away spoilers, and am now making this post, which ive been meaning to make, and will then maybe try to listen to the playlist and then respond to michelle’s email) 

these are joes thoughts from some ds9 episodes. initially, i’d sent him a list of ‘best’  episodes (my favorites AND the eps i thought were most emblematic of ds9′s issues--bajor’s relationship with cardassia, trill relationships, etc) hoping that he’d be able to see the merit of the show, but he insisted on re-watching the first episode before he started working on the list because he’d only seen it once a long time ago, and then, after watching ep 1 and captive pursuit (with tosk) decided that he’d try to watch the full first season, especially after i expressed my dismay at realizing he wouldn’t get the chronological introduction to garak bc ep 3 wasnt on my list of best episodes. anyway. he showed me this list of written reactions after watching ep 1 and captive pursuit and it made me so happy he decided he’d keep doing it, which i insisted wasn’t necessary because it seems to me like a lot of work (and which i still feel guilty about) but he was like told me that he’d only seldom seen me as happy as i was upon reading that and it was something little he could do to foster that joy which.. makes my heart crack in two). 

anyway. the real reason i started this post was because ive been up in arms for the past few days about mia and covid. 

speaking of which. 

baby ‘passed’ first covid test. that arrow on the side is the minimized player where im watching nemesis. hah. 

anyway. 

to make a longer story short, my (pregnant!!!) sister decided, stupidly, to go with her boyfriend abe, a sound engineer, to a broadcast stage he was setting up in california, because she has a liver condition that appeared during her pregnancy which makes giving birth difficult (which is emotionally challenging for her because she had always wanted to do an at-home birth without drugs) and in fact, is a condition which typically leads to the birth having to be induced early, which means, at this point in development, that she could potentially need to have the child at any time. she went with him because she didn’t want to be without him if the baby needed to come. she was there for a week, with the both of them feeling sick all the while, and then came home early without abe because she felt bad and wasnt having fun, eventually getting a ride from my mother (who lives with my grandmother and great aunt, 93 and 86 respectively) back home from the airport (she took a PLANE!?). anyway. at our insistence, she was tested the same day she got home. she was reluctant to do it because she ‘didn’t think she had it’ and figured that it was ‘just the flu, honestly’ as if she had any way of knowing that???? in the day she was waiting for her test results, she came out of her room multiple times without a mask on, walking around the kitchen or playing with the dogs, even though we told her to stay in her room (and had brought her food/hot tea/whatever else she needed). she had no reason to come out when she was 1. sick and 2. not quite sure if she had covid or not

anyway. her test came back positive so she was trying to ‘stay in her room’, which lasted for.. not even a day. nick and i, who hadn’t seen either of them in a week, but had been around each other, got tests. we (as pictured) both got negative results, so mia must have gotten it in california rather than from someone we’d all seen (like nick and mia’s dad or stepmother earlier in the month) 

abe came home soon after and had taken two rapid tests when he landed, but then, when coming home, immediately was sitting in the same room as my sister, without a mask on. he slept outside in our ‘arizona room’--a screened in patio with a futon in it for the first night. when his results came back (as negative), he decided that he was fine to be in the house, so wouldn’t wear a mask in the kitchen or in the living room, (something nick and i both did) AND would also be in the same room as my sister for long periods of time. i’d like to think he was wearing a mask in there, but i can’t be sure. he was playing video games in their shared room where mia was watching tv, as long as he (AND I QUOTE) ‘stayed in his corner’. it’s a ten by ten room at most. there’s no way that staying in there, even with a mask on, for as long as he did was a smart option. so... to reiterate. abe was in a room with my sister, who has covid, for a long period of time, and then wouldn’t wear a mask when in the common areas that everyone uses. which is... great right

and the thing thats been annoying me for these last couple of days in particular, ASIDE from all the dumb shit they’ve done up to this point, is that mia says abe needs to bring her food (valid) and YET mia is always in the kitchen (which doesn’t make sense). i was in the kitchen preparing a meal the other day and she came out to refill her water. which, if abe was functioning SOLELY to bring her things, as she was insisting, would not have warranted her coming out of her room. it was the middle of the day. she could have said she needed water and left her cup by the door and i could have refilled it and brought it back.... but she didn’t. i was wearing two masks (a cloth one over a medial grade one) but was still wary about her being there--because I was making food. i told her to get out of the kitchen because she’d finished getting her water, but she said ‘just a minute!!’ and continued, not three feet away from me, trying to pick up one of the dogs and playing with her. i kept telling her to go back to her room but she was acting as though i was being rude and being completely unreasonable??? she takes every request we make for her to stay away from us as a personal attack, like we don’t want to see her or be around her, instead of us trying to protect ourselves from covid?? 

THEN the fun part is after all this, abe sets up an inflatable mattress in the office (which is :) right :) next :) to my room) because he decides he doesn’t want to sleep in the same room as mia (reasonable) despite having been occupying the same room as mia for hours (STUPID). so now abe is using the hall bathroom, which nick and i use/shower in/brush our teeth in. before, abe had been using mia’s bathroom off the bedroom, and, again, had been sleeping in there. so now, if abe DID catch it from mia, which is likely, at this point, he’d going to give it to nick and i.

nick and i were upset about this, and told mia last night that she needed to stay in her room. that was how people quarantined. that is how you quarantine. you do not leave your room for ANY reason, especially if you have 1. MULTIPLE PEOPLE CAPABLE AND WILLING TO BRING YOU FOOD AT ANY TIME OF DAY and 2. A BATHROOM THAT CONNECTS TO YOUR ROOM. she came out and started yelling at us about abe, though neither of us wanted to fight with her (and there was no reason to fight about something we were CLEARLY right about). she said ‘YOU CANT HAVE IT BOTH WAYS’ which meant that abe can’t not use the livingroom and the hall bathroom (which we were saying he shouldnt do) and that he can’t be in quarantine with mia (stay with her in her room) but the thing is.... BECAUSE he has spent so much time with her, and because they weren't wearing masks when they were outside and BECAUSE he spent hours playing video games in the room that my sister has been quarantined in for a whopping two days--he now shouldnt ALSO be using our bathroom, because now we can get sick. (and probably fucking will!!!!) she is having him now stay in the office and use our bathroom (GREAT) instead of just biting the bullet and staying with her because he ALREADY HAD BEEN staying with her 

and now they are both in the kitchen :)! i can hear them from my room. great. 

anyway here r some sketches that i never uploaded before cause theyre hideous but im putting here because i hope to fuck no one actually reads this/scrolls down this far

[softapollo]

hi!!!! i found your blog recently and its lovely. ive been feeling really drawn to apollo recently and although im not entirely sure i think ive felt his presence lately. id rly like to start learning more abt him and the theoi from an hellenic polytheist perspective so i could possibly start working w him but i was raised christian and i have no idea where to start. i also would prob have to worship in secret bc of my family lol. do you have any tips/resources? tysm and much love!!!!!

hi love!! sorry for my late reply c: 

disclaimer; im an eclectic pagan, not a hellenic polytheist. if you want specifics on hellenic polytheism (things on hubris, cleansing before rituals etc), i suggest you check out some hellenic polytheist information too/instead. There are things I do similar to it (e.g. libations), but I do not speak for how things “ought to go” according to hellenic polytheists. some hellenic polytheists might scream at the things i suggest, but this is what works for me and what connects me to our sunny boi! just figured you should know!!

some basic tips:

just reach out to him!! if you can meditate, do that, find a way that you can be quiet for a moment and just… relax, get some sort of feeling of being calm and undisturbed and just reach! out! literally the first thing I did was sit at my kitchen table at 10am with my cat on my lap and just… talked to him about that i was new to this and it felt really weird but that i hoped to work with him.

don’t worry or freak out if you don’t get a “sign” right away. you do not need to wait for a sign to work with him. as long as you feel comfortable with it, go for it. took him a while with me too, probably bc he wanted me to realize how ridiculously complicated i was making things.  

write to him!! writing can be easier sometimes than prayer, esp in the beginning, it makes it a bit more physical. you can also write prayers and then read them out, or look up prayers online. 

make a pinterest board or look up stuff here with stuff that you relate to him. it helps connect you to him and what he is all about, and it’s actually really interesting to look back on after a while and see all the stuff you collected that is part of him. also, it’s a really good alternative for an altar too 

this actually reminds me i should go into my pinterest board for him and add some stuff…. 

read! read mythology, watch videos or listen to podcasts or w/e, anything related to him. i personally am not a fan of stephen fry’s book but i know others are, but there are tons of books on mythology out there. I am definitely not knowledged enough to give you a list of recommendations, but i’m sure you can find stuff online! 

get a tiny little thing or a few tiny little things that you relate to him. e.g. a sun pendant or any yellow or gold jewelry, a pen, a notebook, anything that reminds you of him. carry it with you

speaking of notebooks, keep a journal/notebook/something for him. write to him, about him, write down info, put in pictures that you relate to him, make or look up poetry

make a playlist! he is a music boi after all 

learn a musical instrument if you can!! or if you already know one, play for him. (literally thinking about him when you play is enough). whenever i play piano he’s a happy puppy seriously 

don’t feel like you aren’t doing enough. you are. even if you havent said hi in a few days, it’s cool. 

share your food/drink with him! it’s a very simple and hidden way of doing. you can still eat/drink it yourself (he’s not a chtonic deity so it’s all cool). you can just say ‘hey apollo this is for you too’ and there you go. your dinner is now an offering. 

oh hey. make a tumblr for him/your journey, like i did with this one!! he loves being talked about xd

shit this is getting too long

i have so much more info and posts similar to this in my tag, go check those out as well! there is some overlap w this post im sure but there will also be other tips and thoughts!! I hope this helped anything