#he came by church a few weeks ago but didnt talk to me :

[v1nsmoke]

𝑮𝑼𝑵𝑺 𝑵' 𝑹𝑶𝑺𝑬𝑺 // 𝑪𝑼𝑳𝑻 𝑳𝑬𝑨𝑫𝑬𝑹!𝑳𝑨𝑾 𝑿 𝑹𝑬𝑨𝑫𝑬𝑹

spooktober week 1 - law as a cult leader in honour of oct 6th being his bday

tw: guns, hints about sb getting kidnapped

summary: in search of your missing sister, you head to a town in the middle of nowhere, where all clues lead to a mysterious man.

a/n: ITS HIS BDAY!!! i wasnt planning on making this, just came up w/ it this morning lol. But i really wanted to make something for his birthday, so take this! Inspired by the game Far Cry 5, i recommend it! im tired rn so i didnt reread this. I will check it later tho ♡ CHECK OUT PART 2!

wc: 1.1k

song rec: (aka a song that matches the story)

You take a deep sigh. The road here was everything but smooth, you were sure that nobody tried to fix it ever since they built it, not to mention that you travelled on it trough hours. It took you almost two days to get here, but it still wasn't the time for you to rest.

You have been stressing ever since you received the suspicous call from your sister who dissapeared without a trace the day right after it. Nobody could reach her, they also had no idea where she went. The last time you heard about her was when you called her a few days ago, but she said goodbye after telling you that she will be going to attend a sermon by a man that came to town that day. No word from her ever since.

So, you decided to pay her a visit yourself. Best if you check on your sister before something happens to her. And now here you are, sitting in your parked car in a slightly dried out field on the side of the road, the town just slightly further. There was white tarpaulin tent set up there, and people were slowly drifting towards it. it will probably be the same sermon that your sister went to the last time you talked to her. This was your last option in getting close to her. You went to her house some hours ago, but nobody was home. You waited to see if she was just out shopping, but time passed and she still didn't come home. The neighbours said that she left to check out the man who came to town saying that he is here to help the people, and never returned.

There was only one solution left: find the last person who saw her. If it was really the same thing, you might get close to finding out something about your sister's whereabouts. Her neighbours told you when this man will show his face again, so you thanked them, got in your car, and drove out to the location. Looks like they weren't lying, because the people slowly flocked to the tent while you sat in the comfy seat of your car.

You take a deep breath, mentally preparing yourself for whatever might occur. You open the car's door, stepping foot on the dry, yellowish grass. You stay close to a group heading towards the tent, hoping that you could blend in. To you, this all just started to look like a cult. The group enters the tent, you follow behind them. Inside were benches, all of them facing a low podium, a black haired man standing on it. He seemed confident in whatever he was preaching, but you weren't focused on him.

Though, he did catch your eye for a moment. And it looked like the same thing happened to him, his eyes scanning the crowd but stopping once his gaze lands on you. Those greyish blue orbs staring at you, his mouth still moving as the rest of the people watch him. He manages to turn away, looking everywhere but you after this. You stand still, looking trough the people present, hoping to find your sister here. Nobody matched her appearance, she wasn't here.

Your only chance left at finding her was the mysterious man, now leaving the stage that the sermon was over. The people flock away, leaving one by one. Almost everybody left now, and this was your chance. You see as he leaves the tent, some men with machine guns by his side, heading towards the car.

"Excuse me!" You shout after him, hoping he'll hear you. The man and his bodyguards (or whoever those armed men were) all stopped, turning their attention towards you, some even raising their weapons. You raise both your hand in defense, proving you are not a threat to them. Of course you weren't, you had no weapons and barely any knowledge about hand-to-hand combat.

The black haired motions for them with his tattooed hands to lower the weapons, and the men obey.

"I'm listening." He says after a short pause. The men and him stared at you, all creating an uneasy feeling inside you. The guns, slightly torn sweaters with the same symbol sewn into it, everything. And now you were totally alone with them, nobody would know if you just got shot on the spot. Not to mention that if anybody started looking for you like you looked for your sister, they might end up just like you.

"I'm looking for my sister. The last time I heard from her was just an hour before she attended your sermon a few days ago." You step closer to them, holding out your hand with a photograph in it. On the photo was your sister, it was taken before she left the country to live here, in this town in the middle of nowhere, far from you.

"Familiar face. I know her." He says in his deep voice, a very light, barely noticable appearing on his face as he speaks. Seeing this, you actually consider twice if you should follow him or try finding your sister on your own. But now you were so close to finding out something about her, because this man clearly knew a thing or two.

"Could you... perhaps tell me where she is, maybe lead me to her if you can?" You ask, trying to sound as polite as possible, though you were shaking inside.

"Oh, don't worry." He chimes. "You'll meet her soon enough." His tone shifts, sounding darker, lower, more menacing.

"Wait, wha- who are yo-" you try to question him, but you are hit in the back of your head with the back of a machine gun by one of his men.

You hit the dry grass with a thud, the boots of the guard on your back, holding you down, pointing the barrel of his gun at you. It's like you can feel the world spinning as you lay on your stomach, the grass tickling your face. It takes all your will and strength to keep your eyes open.

"It's Law. Trafalgar Law." He looks down on you, standing in front of your body.

You would love to ask him more questions, to fight back, but after receiving another hit just like the one you got some seconds ago, you can't keep your eyes open, blacking out.

trafalgar law belongs to eiichiro oda, i do not own him.

© v1nsmokes 2023. Do not modify, translate or rewrite.

[oc-aita]

AITA for helping my ex’s child kill him?

im honestly still shaking and i know how this sounds, but for background and context: my (32F) ex (we’ll call him J, 31M) had a parasite problem. he was a good man… when he was himself. but this parasite sometimes takes over his brain and forces him to kill people. he generally doesnt remember when it happens. we used to go to college together when we were dating and i tried to help him, but it ended when he tried to axe me. i freaked out and ran, and hadnt seen him since.

a few months ago, i met someone we’ll call D(teens NB). we share a mutual love for history and began to hang out. well, come to find out D is J’s adopted CHILD. and apparently this parasite has gotten worse. theyve been trying to find a way to get rid of the parasite without killing him but havent come up with anything either

jump to a few hours ago? yesterday? everything that happened makes it kind of blurry. J has been MIA for around a week. me and D were in a church talking (coincidentally, we were at the church that was at me and J’s old college), when who should we see outside but J. im not proud of this, but we’d talked about killing him before, and, you know, he was right there. i know me and D are strong enough to overpower him together, especially with how confused the parasite makes him.

so i went outside while D stayed out of sight and called to him to lure him inside. he hadnt seen me in years, so obviously he came over and as soon as he got inside i shut the door behind him and me and D jumped him. he managed to cut my leg pretty bad but D didnt get hurt. needless to say we did kill him

i think we did a good thing, but i feel awful about this. plus, i dont think i should have let D be involved but it was a spur of the moment thing i guess. idk, AITA?

[abandoned-as-mustard]

So, sucking it up and making a decision about one person doesn't erase the fact that half of my playlist (as well as its existence) is because of the other person 😂💀💀💀

[curiositybegetsempathy]

I was sexually assaulted a year and a half ago by my best friend of twenty years. Her husband hid in the bathroom with his hand sticking out from behind the door as he secretly filmed it. I screamed and yelled and said I saw him. He simply pulled his hand back into the bathroom without a word. My best friend simply said, “don’t worry, it’s just for personal use.”

After a month of utter heartbreak, gruesome nightmares, terror, and isolation, I finally reported him to our mutual church. Because, might I mention, he was a PASTOR. He didnt get fired—they allowed him to voluntarily step down so that he could continue working as a pastor later without it being officially on his record he was fired. (A wonderful policy, am I right?) I made it clear to the pastor that I didnt want them to unnecessarily suffer out of revenge, but that I wanted to make sure no one else would go through the horror that I did, which is why I reported it to the church.

I stayed silent for a year and a half. I isolated. I tried to kill myself. I lost my entire community of 20 years. I told a select few people—my family and three close friends who didn’t know them. I knew that sexual assault is a very serious thing and that if people knew, they’d forever think of them differently. So I went into hiding. For their sake. Because even though I have had nightmares every single week, sometimes every single night, I wanted the best for them. She was my best friend forever, after all.

After being in therapy for 10 months, I finally listened to my therapist. I realized that by protecting them, I wasn’t protecting myself. Why should I allow them to keep all of our mutual friends? Should I not be allowed to share what happened to me, simply because I’m a human who deserves to be able to say when someone completely violates them.

So I reached out to someone from my community. On my way to pick them up after my 11 hour work day, my hands sweat so terribly they were practically sliding off of the steering wheel. I listened to My Tears Ricochet on repeat, to remember that Taylor wrote about this same pain I felt. “You’re the hero flying around saving face.”

We had small talk, shallow conversation for about an hour. The entire time, telling them was all I could think about. Finally, I got up the nerve. I told them, “I have something I want to tell you, but it’s hard. And I’m not sure if you even want me to, because it will affect you too.” They were his friends too, after all. He told me, “you can say it or you don’t have to, it’s up to you.” I attempted to say it for a few minutes, but every time I opened my mouth to speak, I could only muster a sigh. It’s been a year and a half, and it just never gets easier. Before I could actually get myself to say it, he broke the silence and said, “I know about it.” I was shocked. “What?” “I know about it...” I asked how he knew. He said “[the husband] called me a while ago, and we had a very, very, VERY long talk about it. Now, I recognize I’ve only heard one side. You can tell me your side if you want...” I said, “I don’t think I want to hear what he said,” to which he quickly replied, “oh, I wouldn’t tell you what he said anyway.”

I sobbed. I sobbed uncontrollably. I said I was sorry multiple times because I was embarrassed, because he stayed stone silent the entire time. The only time he spoke was in response to my apology, to which he replied, “you don’t have to apologize. I will never turn away raw emotion.” It was so, so uncomfortable, being so completely vulnerable about this horrible situation and never once hearing an “I’m sorry,” “that’s so horrible,” “you didn’t deserve it.” Nothing. At all.

I cried harder than I have since the day it happened. I didn’t want to go to sleep, since I already have nightmares about the situation often, but I couldn’t keep myself awake. I finally drifted off to sleep, and sure enough, I had a horrible nightmare about it. About not being believed. I woke up at 5am and I went right back to sobbing so, so hard. It just hurt so terribly. How could someone see someone else hurting so terribly, breathing so quickly they can’t catch a breath, and say...nothing? Mind you, this person used to be so empathetic towards me when I was sad in the slightest. It’s not that he’s just awkward with emotions.

And I realize now. The couple must have called our mutual close friends right after it happened, and, most likely, given this reaction and the confusing actions of a few other close friends who have uncharacteristically avoided me, they must have said that I assaulted THEM. Or that I came onto them and they denied some, so I reported them as a lie of retribution. And said that no matter what story I tell, theirs is the real one. That must be it. Everything else that’s been so confusing makes sense in that context.

How could someone hurt me so terribly and not only have no remorse about it, but go a step even further and attempt to sabotage my reputation in order to save their own? I have tried with all my heart to protect them, to allow them to be remorseful and be able to start over without exile. And now, not only are they clearly unremorseful, they purposefully want to hurt me.

I’m falling apart. I feel transported right back to when it happened. I had to call in sick because I couldn’t stop spiraling and crying. I’m trying so hard to be okay, but I’m also finally allowing myself to be angry. I’ve made excuses for them, wanting desperately to give them the benefit of the doubt. But now I know. They don’t deserve it, and honestly, they never have all the way along this.

“You know I left a part of me back in New York. You knew the hero died, so what the movie for? You knew it still hurt underneath my scars from when they pulled me apart, but darling this was just as hard. This was just as dark...as when they pulled me apart.

[cultofbeatles]

beginners guide to the beatles

 made one of these a long time ago but i'm surprised by how short it was. so here we go again. doing it right this time lol. 

pov: you told a bad joke and now the beatles are judging you. 

john winston lennon. later in his life known as john winston ono lennon. 

born on october 9, 1940 

i believe in astrology bc how does john just happen to be a libra 

when john was four he started living with his aunt mimi who acted more as his mother figure 

his mother, julia, remarried and would visit him quite a bit.

it was julia who taught john how to play banjo and piano. and she bought his first guitar.

they both had a deep love for music and rock n roll 

he never really thought of her as his mother but more as a cool friend i suppose 

aunt mimi was more rough on him and did the disciplining 

his father was never really present growing up and his uncle passed away when he was young 

he thought he was a curse for the men in his family 

he had five half siblings. two of them, julia and jacqueline, he was pretty close to. the other three he barely knew. 

fashion icon.

hated school but loved art 

very early on he was insecure with himself 

teachers always shit on him and said he would go nowhere in life 

he met paul at a church fete on july 6, 1957 

paul taught him how to play guitar properly.

once told paul that he didnt know how paul carried on after his mother died bc he just didn't think he could do it 

john’s mother died from being hit by an off duty policemen. john was seventeen at the time. 

 he took her death really hard and became a bit of a recluse. 

first serious relationship was with cynthia (we stan her) 

once cynthia cut her hair short and he didn't talk to her for two days. 

hate men. kill all men. 

when he asked her to dance at a party she turned him down saying that she was engaged, and so he said “well i didn't ask you to fucking marry me, did i?” 

slapped her once bc he was drunk and another boy was talking to her.

only time her hit her.

read cynthia’s books about john pls. i beg. 

once a psychic told him that he would be shot in the states.

founder of the beatles and also came up with the name.

instruments he could play: guitar, harmonica, rhythm guitar, banjo, keyboard, piano, saxophone, bass guitar, and a little drums. 

main songwriter in the beatles along with paul.

was more open minded to change in the beatles music. 

was insecure in his relationship with paul after a while bc he thought he only needed him for songwriting. 

would bitch about paul all day long but the second anyone else said something about him he’d be on their ass. 

had a lot of issues and needed a good hug. 

suffered from eating disorders, drug addictions, depression, insecurities, and questioned his sexuality bc of the time. 

was super open minded and ahead of his time in many instances. 

once he was called “the fat beatle” and after that he stopped eating as much.

truly loved his first son, julian lennon, and would buy him presents all the time bc he was excited to see him play with them.

“your famous ex husband”

he enjoyed playing monopoly. 

he once claimed that he saw a ufo.

he had written three books but he always wanted to write a children's book.

 the last song he ever performed in front of a live audience was “i saw her standing there.” with elton john.

he was afraid of the dark. 

found out later in his life that he was dyslexic. 

was also legally blind without glasses.

never could catch a break huh.

said that his best lyric ever was “all you need is love” i agree.

the first time yoko and john met was not at her art exhibit but actually when she approached him about giving away songs for free.

wanted to write a musical with paul. 

once a friend dared him to masturbate ten times in one day and he managed to do it nine times.

would hold circle jerks with paul and a few other friends. 

just dudes being dudes. 

went on a holiday with brian epstein, who was gay, and told some people afterward that they did certain sexual things. but we will never know for sure.

yoko says that john was bisexual.

once in an interview he said that he would of married a rich man or woman if he wasn't in the beatles. 

hated his voice on records. would always ask for effects on his voice for final recordings. 

made a film with yoko where it was just his penis going from flaccid to erect for fifteen minutes in slow motion. 

only beatle not to of become a vegetarian while he was alive. 

murdered on december 8, 1980.

gave his autograph earlier in the day to the man who would murder him.

died at the age of 40.

“all my loving” was played while he was at the hospital.

and its spooky bc a lot of times in interviews he would say “when i'm 40..” 

and it’s sad bc he was finally becoming who he truly wanted to be. 

honorable john moments that i love:

“thanks for the purpler hearts” he says while receiving the silver heart 

“you are the first person from liverpool that i've ever seen” “great”

eric lennon on my mind today 

this come together performance where he messed up the lyrics lol

that interview where paul was sick and john keep checking on him 

john lennon speaking nothing but facts 

when he said that he could see the beatles going separate ways but that they'd always come back together.

SHUT UP 

“shut up while he’s talking..”

this interview breaks my heart sometimes 

and this interview is great as well 

sir james paul mccartney 

born on june 18, 1942

if you ever have spare time just check out this man’s natal chart. 

idk how he’s still alive with his chart tbh. 

he has a younger brother named mike and a step sister named ruth. 

his dad thought he was the ugliest baby he’d ever seen when he was born. 

when he was young paul would kill frogs in a way to prepare himself for the war if he ever was drafted. 

the first instrument he ever learned to play was the trumpet.

I don't even want to list every instrument this man can play but trust me when I say it’s a lot.

but for the beatles he mainly did bass, vocals, and piano. sometimes playing the guitar and the drums.

the beatles was just paul moving really, really fast. 

he lost his mother when he was 14 due to surgery for breast cancer.

never really learned how to cope well with loss of a loved one tbh. 

had the cutest chubby cheeks as a kid tbh 

met john and was accepted into his band 

sometimes they'd ditch school together and either work on music or would visit art galleries.

went to paris with john and john bought him all the banana milkshakes that he wanted.

connected over their love and admiration for music, and bc they had both lost their mothers. 

had a girlfriend’s mom who he would make comb his leg hairs. 

was an ass to his first girlfriend.

kill all men again. 

almost had to marry his girlfriend dot bc she was pregnant, but she ended up losing the baby.

was the one who introduced george harrison to john.

practically despised pete best and stuart stutcliffe bc they were bringing the group down. 

got arrested along with pete best bc they lit a condom on fire in hamburg.

still felt awful and a little guilty when stuart died suddenly. 

main force behind the beatles imo. 

without him we’d have not as much beatles music as we do. 

was dating jane asher throughout majority of the sixties. 

when they first met they talked about syrup and paul fell in love.

they broke things off after she walked in on him sleeping with another woman though.

directed magical mystery tour and it was amazing and I don't care what anyone says ok?

when john divorced cynthia he was the only one not scared of john and went against his wishes of not speaking to cynthia.

was a little controlling at times. 

has a good heart though. 

mal evans had to drive him home once after a beatles sessions bc he was crying so hard. 

was talking about getting the band back to touring when john said he was leaving the group. 

everyone kind of turned against him when the beatles were breaking up and i hate it.

he just wanted what was best for the band.

married linda and had a nice little farm. 

we love that story.

linda i'm free thursday if you want to hang out pls.

started up the whole “no meat monday” thing where you don't eat monday on mondays

food meat. not the other kind of meat.

children: james mccartney, stella mccartney, heather mccartney, mary mccartney, and beatrice mccartney. 

rip martha. 

WINGS!! 

he lost linda in 1998 due to cancer.

 cried for a whole year bc of it.

still has dreams about john and says they're nice.

wrote a sad song about john called “here today.”

really loved john. like..he truly, genuinely did. 

want someone to love me like paul does john. 

“think of me every now and then old friend.”

honorable paul moments:

his story about george’s dad 

“john? he was beautiful. very beautiful.”

humpty dumpty rap 

another story about him and george.

his google search video that I watch every week 

this 

george harrison 

born: February 24, 1943 

or at least we think 

bc he use to say that his birthday was february 25, but later started saying it february 24. 

why can't we change our birthdays its not like we picked it 

he was the youngest child.

baby of the family and of the beatles awwww

two older brothers named harry and peter. one older sister named louise.

when george’s mom was pregnant with him she’d play sitar music.

his mom was super supportive of his career choice 

when he was 16 he worked as an electricians apprentice.

his dad kind of hoped he would start a family business out of it.

george said nah

would ride the bus opposite way of his house just to spend time with paul 

headbutted a kid bc he didn't think they were worthy of paul’s friendship 

was brought into the band bc of paul insisting to john 

would follow john around like a lost puppy when he first met him 

once had an eight hour erection. don't ask me how idk he said it.

was 17 when he lost his virginity and the other band members were in the room watching and cheered him when he finished 

most sex craved beatle tbh 

once walked into a girls dressing room and asked if they could stand there so he could masturbate 

he was the first beatle to go to america 

got a black eye for defending ringo once 

would make john and paul take turns sharing rooms with ringo when he first joined the band so that he felt more welcomed 

when ringo left during the white album and then came back george decorated the studio with flowers for him 

during the beatles first recording session he told george martin that he didn't like his tie

became a vegetarian at 22 

favorite candy was jelly beans and purple was his favorite color 

used the phrase “grotty” in the hard days night movie, hated it, but everyone else picked up on the slang 

met his first wife, pattie boyd, on the set of a hard days night 

was turned down by her at first 

they married in 1966

wouldn't let her do modeling stuff and was kind of an ass 

a stylish couple but not the best image for a healthy relationship 

got into eastern religion around 1965 

during the Hamburg days he would eat chicken on stage 

had an affair with ringo’s first wife maureen 

got a divorce from pattie in 1977

in 1978 he married olivia who he stayed with until his death and had one son with. dhani.

was the first beatle to hit a number one single and album. 

was buddies with led zeppelin

inspired their “rain song” 

smashed a piece of cake on john bonham’s head and then was thrown into the pool by him 

he financed and produced films. had a production company.

tom petty said that george never shut up once you started talking to him 

but he was often referred to as “the quiet beatle”

formed another band called the traveling wilburys

he’d answer questions online in the 2000′s and it’s the cutest thing ever and his answers break my heart too.

“what do you miss most about john lennon?” “john lennon.”

in 1999 a schizophrenic person broke into his house and stabbed him 40 times 

thank god olivia was there bc she was the only braincell in the room 

had to get a part of his lung taken out 

died november 29, 2001 from lung cancer 

ashes were scattered into the ganges river 

honorable george moments:

this interview he did with ringo 

“i'm sad bc i can't play guitars with john anymore. but i did that...i know we’ll meet again some day.”

when he invented reaction videos 

“the wind was blowing.” “..blowing my girl?”

“what kind of girl do you like?” “john’s wife.”

sir richard starkey aka ringo starr 

born on july 7, 1940 

oldest member in the group 

has no siblings 

naturally was left handed but his grandma thought it was bad luck so he writes right handed, and plays drums with a right handed kit 

but does everything else left handed

when he was 6 he fell into a two month coma 

was a very sick child 

when he was 13 he was in the hosiptal for tuberculosis and formed a hospital band 

grew up poor 

loves and looked up to his stepfather a lot 

his step father bought him his first drum kit in 1957

wasn't that great in school bc he missed so much of it from being so sick 

he worked for a britain railway for a while 

also served drinks on a day boat for a job 

loves dancing 

Rory storm and the hurricanes 

got his nickname from all the rings he would wear

replaced pete best as the beatles drummer 

dealt with people hating him for a bit bc they liked pete more 

had to style his hair in a bowl cut to be in the band and i'm still mad at them for making him do that shit 

ringo i'm so sorry 

george martin didn't really like his drumming and had a session drummer come in for the first album 

in 1964 he had tonsillitis, pharyngitis, and high fever all at once and had to be in the hospital for a bit.

was worried the beatles would replace him for good 

he’s a cancer don't worry

was the first beatle to try weed 

drummers always go first huh 

married his first wife, maureen, in 1965 

she kissed paul, ringo, and george.

what a champ

honeymoon was ruined by reporters 

was really insecure in his relationship and needed a lot of reassurance 

had a great relationship with pretty much all the beatles 

but a great one with john 

john felt his most relaxed when he was with ringo

was once in a movie with roger daltrey 

divorced maureen in 1975 

his wife now is barbara bach who he married in 1981 

had alcohol problems 

once gotten so drunk that he beat barbara so badly that he thought he killed her 

put himself into rehab after that 

barbara lowkey looks like jan from the office 

children: zak, lee, and jason

zak is the drummer for the band the who 

peace and love 

but don't send me fan mail anymore 

peace and love 

ringo starr and the allstar band (starting 1981)

was the narrator for thomas the tank engine 

will play at paul’s concerts sometimes now for fun 

mad bc he came on stage during paul’s last concert show and it was on my birthday and I couldn't go to it 

honorable ringo moments:

“do you want me to come with you?”

stupid barbara walters 

talking about paul 

giving us a little dance 

[xxwritemeastoryxx]

Forgotten Alliance Ch 48

Author: xxwritemeastoryxx

Pairings: Elijah Mikaelson x OC

Word Count: 3.5k

Warnings: None that I can think of. 

Author’s Note: We’ve made it to the five year mark in the timeline and I am freaking out about this. I’ve got a few more surprises up my sleeve before this comes to an end. Happy reading guys!

Feedback gives me life and motivation for future things. ♥

“It’s a beautiful day outside. Streets are packed with tourists. They’re drinking beers, they’re chasing beads, headed out on the vampire walking tour of New Orleans. They think it’s just a myth. Just part of our city’s charm.” Vincent said as he paced in front of all those that were sitting in the pews of the rebuilt St. Anne’s. “Well, we know better. Just like we know that there’s a storm coming. This week marks five years since the fall of the Mikaelsons.” The words had caused Elizabeth to flinch slightly as she stood off to the side. Five years. It had been that long and now she was so close to the cure. “Five years of peace. And we paid a high price for that peace. We witches, we earned that peace. We snatched back our freedom, we severed our link with our ancestors. To take back our city, we backed Elizabeth. Now, since then, we fought hard to build this community which has been thriving with Elizabeth’s help. And in the next week, as we celebrate our independence, that community will be challenged because every year we get visitors.” Vincent looked over at Elizabeth and nodded.

Elizabeth stepped forward and looked at the witches and a few others that sat before her. “As usual, I will be hosting the annual get together that the vampires assume I am throwing.” Elizabeth took a deep breath before continuing. “For the next few days I will be continuing the facade that I am a creature without her humanity. While I may act cruel during that time, I want you to know that you are safe from any harm.” She looked at several at the witches with a smile. “Veronica, as you know, will be with you while the vampires are in town. And as I’m sure most of you know, she can take down any vampire, young or old, that may be a threat. If anyone comes to try and torment your coven, know that she will be there to make sure it stays untouched.”

Elizabeth looked over at Vincent for a moment and he gave her a small smile and a nod. “After the vampires leave, it gives us another year of peace.” Elizabeth knew that was a lie. She still hadn’t told anyone that the Mikaelsons would be back within a short time. The chaos that could follow wasn’t something she wanted to think about now. While it would be a mess that she should be able to clean up, she knew that she wouldn’t be the one to do so. It would hopefully be Elijah that would be able to take her place in keeping the city as it had been while she was gone. “By the time they come for a visit again, I’m hoping to move the party elsewhere or get rid of it in its entirety.” She said with a smile. “I just ask for now that you watch each other’s backs. These visitors know the rules but will do anything to test them. So be cautious and if any of them even attempt to, you are all welcomed to watch their demise.”

“That is all for now.” Vincent said walking to stand by Elizabeth. “If anything new comes up at all, I’ll send word to meet back here.”

Elizabeth watched as everyone began standing up and leaving or began talking with each other. “I hate this.” Elizabeth said before looking over at Vincent.

“You could always turn them away.” Vincent said with a nod as he watched everyone as well. “There doesn’t need to be a celebration.”

“Then they’ll find reasons to stay.” Elizabeth said shaking her head. “It will cause suspicion and I’m sure they will end up wanting more proof that I can never give them.”

“They are still wanting answers for Elijah’s sireline aren’t they?” Vincent asked.

“There are always several.” Elizabeth said. “They believe that if the Mikaelsons have really fallen, Elijah’s sireline would have died along with him. I tell them its for my own sanity but what vampire, that has their humanity off, would worry about not having a sane mind?”

“They are expecting you to give up Elijah’s location.” It wasn’t a question but Elizabeth nodded anyways.

“Vincent, I hope you know that even if they try to burn this city to the ground to get me to say anything, I wont.” Elizabeth said as she looked back to see a few stragglers standing in the church. “Not when it comes to Elijah’s life and our bond. I will do anything to keep him safe.”

“While that does worry me,” Vincent began as he looked over at Elizabeth. “it also worries me that you have that warehouse not far from the city limits. Whatever it is that you are doing in there, it has people talking.”

“And what is it they are saying?” Elizabeth asked already knowing some of the rumors that have been said.

“That you are still trying to find someway to bring back Elijah and the others.” Vincent shook his head. “I was to believe that you had given up on finding the cure after you had come back from your trip empty handed.”

Elizabeth smirked. “It was your mistake believing a set back would stop me from saving my mate. You of all people should know that it is only a matter of time before they come back.”

“What’s going to happen when they come back here?” Vincent asked.

Elizabeth shrugged slightly. “To be honest, I have no idea. That is something that will be dealt with when the day is upon us.” Even though I wont be here. She added mentally. She wouldn’t say the words out loud. Not yet. So far everyone that was aware of what she was doing thought she would still be around when the Mikaelsons came back. “I have to get going if I am going to make it back in time for when they start arriving.”

“Where are you going?” Vincent asked curiously. He knew that Elizabeth had just come from the warehouse to speak with the witches on their plans for the week.

“I need some time to collect my thoughts.” She lied as she began walking towards the exit. “I do have a part to play the next few days.” Without another word she left St. Anne’s.

_____

The slight breeze had felt great on Elizabeth’s skin. It didn’t matter if she was in the dream world or not, it felt as real as it could be. She and Elijah were currently sitting on top of a hill overlooking much of the house and the lake that Freya had added in. It was a great scenery and it had been a while since Elizabeth had a moment of just peace as they were now.

After Elizabeth had shown Hayley the warehouse, she started visiting more often. Hayley promised to keep the secret that Elizabeth had been carrying. After a long conversation and airing out everything, Hayley and Elizabeth had an understanding of what needed to be done in order to get the cure. Hayley encouraged Elizabeth to visit more and Elizabeth agreed to that.

The moment Elizabeth had entered the dream world, Elijah never left her side. If it wasn’t for the fact that she needed time to feed, Elizabeth would have gladly spent several days not stop there until Elijah’s siblings demanded she leave for a bit.

“What is it?” Elijah asked as he watched Elizabeth. Even though it didnt seem as though she had caught the several sighs that had passed her lips, he had.

Elizabeth turned towards him and smiled at him. “Thinking.” She said softly. It was the truth but it wasn’t elaborated. There was so much going on outside of this spell that she would have to worry about. But in this moment, she was thinking about how much things would be different once they were out of this place. “All this time and I thought I would have you out of here so much earlier.”

“Liz,” he said running his hand through her hair. Hearing the nickname from him still seemed to hold a deeper meaning than when anyone else had. “You are doing the best you can. That is all we can ask for.”

Her smile faded slightly. “I know. I always wonder what would have happened if things had been done differently. But I think this time, I know that this is what was meant to happen.”

“What made you start to believe that?” He asked with a small smile.

“It’s been five years, Elijah.” She said shaking her head slightly. “I’ve tried so many different things and none of them have turned out as I hoped. As much as I hate to think about it, there were reasons all of that failed. It just took me going through it all to realize that you cant change what is supposed to happen.”

“You know something?” Elijah asked.

Elizabeth gave him a smile even though it didnt reach its full potential whenever she was around him. “I know you’ll be awake soon.” She gave a small nod with her words. “And that is all that matters to me at this moment.”

“You’ve had Jess show you more of her visions.” Elijah knew that Elizabeth had seen several of them over the last few years. But he had remembered Elizabeth saying she had no longer wanted to know the details as they got closer to being true.

“No.” She said shaking her head. “I’ve just been having a sense of Deja vu since she showed me what she had.” She took a deep breath in before letting it out. “I saw the last piece of the vision she showed me weeks ago. And that can only mean one thing to me. That you will be cured and awake from this spell soon. I may not know if it will be today, tomorrow or later this week, but I know you’ll be cured soon. I just can feel it.”

A smile pulled at Elijah’s lips. “Hearing you say that feels surreal. We’ve been here so long, it is hard to fully picture the real world.”

“You got a glance with Hope’s spell.” She reminded him with a chuckle.

“A two minute preview to the real thing.” He said with a smirk pulling at his lips.

That glimpse into the world after not seeing Elizabeth for so long had helped keep him sane until she came for a visit. All the things she had mentioned about the changes she had made to the compound had been exactly as she described. The familiarity of it being their home with touches of Elizabeth in places that he could see, had brought comfort to him.

When the spell ended, he was reminded that there would be a day that he would be free from all of this. That as soon as things worked in their favor, Elizabeth and Hayley would have them all cured and awake. Things could go back to way things were. Well, as much as they could be with the circumstances. He knew that some things had changes since the entered the spell. But as long as they were together, Elijah was sure that things would be better.

A thought crossed Elizabeth’s mind and she smiled to herself before looking at Elijah. “I know that I hardly say this, but Rebekah was right.”

Elijah laughed and shook his head. “And what is my sister right about?”

“We all deserve to go on some kind of vacation somewhere.” She nodded her head. “I get that you guys will need to get back into the swing of living again, but what better way to do that than to spend a few months lounging in a place without worrying about anything.”

“And where do you suppose we go?” He asked watching her with a smile on his face.

“Anywhere.” She said with her own smile growing. “Just somewhere away from New Orleans. It can be all of us or even just the two of us.”

“I like that idea.” He said watching as the excitement grew in Elizabeth the moment he said the words.

“Then it is settled.” Elizabeth said standing up from her spot. “After this is all over, we’ll go on a trip to see the world.” While it might be a while before they would actually be able to, the idea itself had seemed like the best idea. It gave them the hope of a future together. It gave them a chance to say they would make it through all the bad to finally come out on the other side stronger and finally enjoying their lives.

_____

“Malakai mentioned you’ve been working on a project of your own since our last visit.” Elizabeth was currently sitting at a table with several of the visiting vampires from Niklaus’s line. Many of them Elizabeth had recently met and others she had known for some time. The vampire that was speaking, Trent, Elizabeth had met several decades ago.

Elizabeth gave him a smirk as she brought the glass of wine she had in her hand up to her lips taking a drink. “If I went and told you all my evil plans you’d try to one up me. I cant have that, can I?”

“Ah so you do have something going on.” Trent smiled at her. He leaned forward in his seat eager to hear whatever details she would willingly give him. “I do hope its to break that connection of yours to your sire so we may end a line.”

Elizabeth kept a straight face even though she hated the thought of someone wanting Elijah dead. There was something inside of her that was telling her to rip his heart from his chest simply because of the threat he could be to her mate. “Maybe I am. But you see, there are two things that need to be done in order for that to happen. One I need my humanity on to try and remove the bond that is between myself and him. At this moment I feel no need to be swarmed by those pesky human emotions. Second, in order to break the sireline just as Aya had, I’d need another heart. Unfortunately the only heart I need seems to have fallen off the face of the earth.”

“You mean Hayley Marshall.” Trent said with a nod. “The last we’ve heard of her she had been living out in the woods somewhere. We were obviously close at one point seeing as she killed my informant.”

“Your informant?” Elizabeth asked with a raised brow. “You have people out looking for her as well?”

“Of course I do. It’d be nice to come to you one day with her heart as an offering.”

“That does seem like the best offering one could give.” Elizabeth said with a smirk. “It would be nice to not have my life tied to another.” Elizabeth hated acting the way she was. Every part of her was saying that she shouldn’t be saying these things. It hurt her to say them. But in order to keep up appearances as she had, she needed to do this. “I have witches keeping tabs on her daughter’s magic.” She lied easily. “I find that it is so much easier to keep up with the outburst of magic than to find a hybrid who doesn’t want to be found.”

“You believe her daughter will end up giving their whereabouts.” Trent said as he looked at the other vampires that sat with them. “Whenever we tried something to that extent, we just end up pinging in a small town in Virginia.”

“That is because there is now some training grounds for witches.” Elizabeth said with a roll of her eyes. “The Mikaelson child, however, comes from a strong line of witches.” Elizabeth said as she placed the glass back on the table before them. “Her magic will continue to grow unstable without any kind proper training. Hayley doesn’t have that kind of knowledge and I highly doubt she would trust anyone else with her daughter at this point in time.” As Elizabeth spoke, her hand went to the charm that hung from her neck. There was a comfort of holding it in her hand. “Eventually the child will give off a source of energy unlike any other that she wont be able to hide from. When that happens, we’ll know.”

“We could always use Klaus as bait.” Trent said with a shrug. “Dangle him for everyone to see and Hayley will come to save her child’s father.”

“I’ve done that before.” Elizabeth said with a shake of her head. “It leads to his lunatic exes entering my city and I will not have that. I’d rather deal with a child’s magic than deal with the horde of women Klaus has slept with. They have no use to me but a moment’s worth of entertainment.”

“What about using his blood to track his siblings?” A vampire that had been sitting next to Trent asked. “Wouldn’t it be easier to use a locator spell with his blood to find them.”

“Kelly, right?” Elizabeth said looking over at the woman. “Don’t you think I’ve tried that?”

“We’ve never seen you do it in front of us.” Kelly said with a shrug.

Elizabeth’s eyebrow rose for a moment before a smirk slowly grew on her lips. She looked over towards the side of the room and nodded to the Vampire that had been standing by the entrance to the room. Trent and Kelly watched as the vampire left the room before looking back at Elizabeth. “You wan’t proof, he’s getting just that for you.”

A moment later, Jess walked in along side the vampire. In Jess’s hand were a few key ingredients to do a spell. Coming over to the table, she set things up and placed a bowl and a knife in front of Elizabeth. Elizabeth stood from her seat and picked up the knife.

“Using Klaus’s blood does nothing to find what you are looking for.” She picked up a vial in the other hand to show them. She pulled open the top and poured it into the bowl. She nodded to Jess who began chanting a common locator spell. The vampires gathered around and watched as Jess began pouring the blood on the map before them. And just as Elizabeth assured them, the blood just puddled. It gave no indication as to where the other Mikaelson siblings would be.

“Mine on the other hand,” Elizabeth used the knife and cut into her palm, letting the blood drop on the other end of the map. Jess began chanting the spell again and the others watched as it began moving. It moved along several states before it began to spread around, as if it reached a barrier. “Each time that spell is done, that barrier is up in a different location preventing anything closer being found. She’s got one hell of a witch helping her. As I’ve said before,” Elizabeth plopped down in her seat. “The child’s magic is the easiest way to keep tabs on Hayley. She had an outburst this time last year.”

“I assume that was why you weren’t here.” Trent said as he sat back in his seat, satisfied with what he had seen.

“Believe it or not, I had her with in reach. Once Hope had controlled herself, my trace was gone and the location I had her pinpointed at was empty, with no trace of either.” Elizabeth shrugged her shoulders. “The next time, that kid looses control, any witch will be able to feel that energy with how bottled up she is.”

Malakai walked up to Elizabeth and whispered in her ear. “We need to talk privately.” Elizabeth only nodded and watched as Malakai left the room.

“It appears that little project of mine has made some progress.” Elizabeth said as she stood from her seat. Even though she had no idea what it was that Malakai wanted to speak to her about it was a better excuse than anything. “Please do enjoy yourselves while I am gone.” Elizabeth walked away from them and pulled out her phone as she followed where Malakai had gone. She quickly wrote a text message to Hayley before tucking her phone back into her pocket.

“What is it?” She asked Malakai once they were in front of the room Elizabeth had designated as a safe spot with the help of Jess’s magic.

“We have a problem.” Malakai said as he opened the door and walked in. Elizabeth followed him in and her eyes widened once she saw who was standing in the room.

Forgotten Alliance Tag: @mschellehitt @xanderling @fandom-princess-forevermore @winchestert101

As a reminder, FA has a completely separate taglist. If you would like to be added to, or taken off, please let me know!

[afterthelastreset]

Rules Of One’s Soul Ch 11 A Little Offer

(Mak belongs to @wasted-church )

Such a waste of time. Alnost four hours of walking and talking to that hammerheaded bafoon down the drain. If he would've known it would have ended up in failure then he wouldnt have gone in the first place!...But then again, he DID need an excuse to walk off all those candy calories he forced down into himself, he wouldnt become fat if he couldn't help it. The talk with Malius wasn't exactly splendid either. He insisted on being paid first so he wasn't 'scammed' out of a job and 'actually got paid for his hard work' and a whole other slew of nonsense. Of course he had TRIED to explain that he couldn't pay anything right now because he didn't HAVE anything to pay with right now, but of course the foolish worm paid no attention to his noble status or the fact he could just easily pay him later. Making the whole trip absolutely worthless.

The only good thing about this was that it gave him time to go get more supplies and food. Dark candy and worms. How appetizing. But one thing was for sure, Rouxls Kaard was not one to ask for help when he could easily handle by himself, he didn't need anyones help. So of course it wasn't out of question to see the duke out of formal attire, on hands and knees, digging in the pitch black ground with a small shovel and a couple of glass jars. He didn't really care though. He really didn't have anything else to do right now unless he wanted to go climbing dark candy trees and get more of those too sweet things, which he had to do anyways to restock his shoppe and get more for himself to eat after eating all the ones Seam brought to him earlier. His stomach grumbled just thinking about it, and he still had a week of just living like a hermit.

"Where art thou stupid insects!," he mumbled to himself as he shoveled clump of dirt after dirt to the side. Why couldn't the stupid worms just come out already!? It rained just two days ago, shouldn't they be near the surface by now?! "Dont telleth me thine food supply tis goneth?!" He jabbed the shovel in deeper. "I REFUSETH! NAY WORMS SHANT DEFEAT ROUXLS KAARD?!"

In any other case or if he desperately wasn't afraid of getting a good(ish) food supply before he was forced to just eat candy for a week straight, he would've been chuckling at the thought of him ever doing this, but here he was. Digging in the dirt like a starved rabbick looking for carrots. Hopefully he didn't have any wondering eyes, but at this point he wouldn't have probably cared. His natural survival instinct kicking in and taking over-

"GOD D*MMIT!!" Blue hands shoved themselves into the black earth and started tossing around dirt. The yell was loud enough to catch anyones attention in a couple yard radiace, but luckily noone heard it-......Well almost noone.

To be honest, the scene was more concerning than funny. He certainly wasn't expecting to walk in on the scene of a frantic duke digging like a rabbick tossing dirt around and cussing like a royal guard on a hangover. The duke was more upset then he thought-

"He's gone mad.....Can I have his shiny stuff if his hair falls out?"

He ignored the child and mumbled a "Stay here" before catiously stepping towards the manic worm flailing around like a dying fish. Good lightners. It wasn't a long drive to have the poor guy acting like a desperate animal-....Similar to how Jevil first reacted too being.locked up...He instantly shook those thoughts from his mind. Now wasn't really the appropriate time for a trip down memory lane, especially about something that happened so long ago. He was just one or two yards from the duke who didn't seem to have noticed him at all at the moment. Some dirt bounced near his feet to which he rose a brow at. After a moment he looked back to the worm and cleared his throat-

It was like a cobra swung it's head with how fast the duke's reflexes were. Face dark blue in frustrated annoyance.

"WHAT?!"

Both froze in that moment. Both clearly not expecting the other to react they way the other did. The sudden outburst made the patched cat flinch hard and sorta just stare down at worm, button eye spinning. Rouxls however seemed to register the moment faster, old habit he developed from serving the spade king. One had to develop a fast sense of your surroundings if you didnt want to risk the king's wrath...And blinked.

"Oh.....Tis thou." His body slowly relaxed from the tense pose on his knees and eyeing the cat. ".....What doth thou want?"

Seam blinked and cleared his throat. His fur was bristled and fluffed up from the sudden outburst. "Oh...Well you seemed like you were a little stressed there-" His gaze shifted momentarily to the holes and clumps of dirt, and Rouxls's obviously dirty hands." -...and I thought you could use a cup of tea?"

"..N-No. Thank you. As y-you can clearly seeth-" He turned back around to the holes. "-I amst c-clearly busy w-with restocking mine shelves!"

"And how exactly is digging restocking? Are you selling dirt?"

"WORM! I amst gathering food to prepare mineself for living like a common criminal!" He reached back for the shovel.

" You eat dirt?"

"NAY! Likest I wouldst do anything like that?! Mine standards wouldst never sinkest so loweth!"

" Then what are you trying too-..." He trailed off when the duke groaned and pointed to a few jars next to himself. Inside one of them was a couple small pink things, they wriggled around the glass container. It didn't take too long for the old cat to figure out what exactly what he was looking at. ".....You've been eating worms?"

"Nay. I willeth eat them....sparingly. I needst enough for mineself to last for a few days.,

The thought of those wriggling things coming anywhere near his mouth made Seam gag before asking, "Are you really going to eat nothing but insects?"

"No. That tis ludacris!" The digging slowed down. "There's plenty of that disgustedly sweeteth ..c-candy growing on thine trees. I needs to restock anyways."

"What happened to the whole bag I brought?...Hehe. Don't tell me someone already bought it all."

"What doth thou thinkest I have been consuming for nutrition?"

The old plush paused for a monent, eye spinning. "Are you telling me that you plan on eating nothing but candy and....worms from now on?"

"Blame that floating bafoon for getting mineself sent away from thine castle!"

Seam held up his paws in defense. "Hey now. He was only trying to help."

Rouxls muttered something under his breath but didn't look up at Seam and just continued digging. Seam on the other hand reached up to scratch at the fluffy main of fur around his neck. This wasn't exactly what he was expecting when he first came to speak to the stressed out noble, but he guess he would've acted like this too if he was in the duke's place....Or not. Who knows?

"What art thou doing here anyways?"

The sudden question made him flinch but the worm still didnt look up from his digging."Uh...Well quite simply I came to offer my assistance on the matter. Haha." This time the worm fully turned to the taller cat in question. Making him chuckle at the confused dirt smudged face. "But maybe I came at a bad time. Perhaps I should wait until you're finished?"

"..N-Nay! Rouxls kaard-" he held a hand to his chest "-hast no needst for help! I amst perfectly capable of surviving on mine own! I nay need help from an old commoner!"

"Even if I'm offering to give you a few dark dollars and decent food?"

This caught the worms attention as he instantly snapped out of the annoyed tone and eyed the cat in front of him. Seam gave a patient smile back to the worm on the ground who still hadn't made a move and instead opted to eye the plush with a raised brow. Like how a parent would a child when they knew they were lying. Rouxls pursed his mouth to a thin line and debated the cat's words internally for a moment. Finally settling on-

"Art thou serious? Food and money?"

He shrugged. "Well better food than worms and candy. Haha. But the not without something in return of course."

Rouxls scoffed. " I shouldst' ve knowneth."

Seam gestured a paw to the Hip Shoppe. "Why don't we go inside and discuss it then? You look like you could use a break."

Rouxls contined to look up at the other darkner for a few seconds, frozen in thought, before he slowly kneeled over. For a moment Seam thought he was going to start digging again but instead slowly rose to his feet. Seam could now clearly see the rolled up pants legs and dirt covered blue skin of the worms legs, instantly he got a flash back to how he looked scrubbing the floor. He honestly looked the same way except all the dirt, and something about seeing the normally the orderly and neat freak Rouxls willingly getting dirty and acting like a 'commoner" made him chuckle again. A clicking of glass sounded as the duke gathered the jars in his arms and turning to start towards the shop,Guess he agreed to talking, with Seam silently following. It was only a matter of time before a smaller pair of footsteps came patting along behind them and the small bat hopped up to his side in a moment.

"Wipe thou's feet before comming in," he muttered. It took a few seconds of him shuffling the jars into one arm while reaching to open the door. Once inside, the two plushes went towards the count- "DON'T touch anything."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

The worm gave him but mostly the small bat a look like he didn't beleive them before rolling his eyes and disappearing into the back room. Seam chuckled as he went and turned his attention to the child who was staring into the clear glass display kit. Their face practically pressed against the clean glass as their eyes widened at the contents inside.

"Hehe. Now what might you be looking at?"

"There's shiny things in there! I want the big one!"

Curious he leaned over them to peer inside the case connected to the counter. And quickly saw what they were looking at. "Oh. Gems." A full display of gem stones adorned the inside of the case. Funny he didn't see them here the last time he visited. Rudinns would go gaga for these things. Something about impressing other female Rudinns depending on how much treasure they had. Good for selling and looking pretty but otherwise useless to the common Darkn- "Hey! You're not aloud up there."

He easily reached a paw other and grabbed the bat from off the top of the counter. "But I want the shiny! The big one!" They continued to paw at the counter as Seam set them down.

"We have to pay for those things-"

"Payest for what?"

The duke had returned. Cleaned up and wearing another suit again. How many of those did he have? He eyed the two before fixing his sights onto where Mak was staring.

"Those art for sale only. If thou wants one then thou willst have to pay for it likest everyone else."

Mak gave off a growl and reached back out for the counter- seam pulled them back again and sighed. "Can we please talk about why Im here?"

"Yes. Please do." the duke had taken his place behind the register and leaned back. "What brings the commoner to mine Shoppe? Art thou one of mine admires wo-" He stopped himself from saying that one common line which made Seam chuckle again and his face went a dark blue.

"I guess that's one way of putting it, but I think Ill save that for a later time. I actually came here to offer to pay you, in return for your services of course."

Rouxls scoffed. "And what part of mine services art thou refering to? ...This won't allow me to-" He shivered. "Be around that flying lunatic?"

"Jevil? Oh no. Just some cleaning."

"Cleaning?"

Seam nodded before explaining. "Why not? You need money don't you? And it seems like a fair trade to have my sheap spruced up."

The worm just stared dumbfounded at the cat......before a snicker came out of his mouth. Before another. And another. And another. Until the worm was lightly laughing at the utterly ridiculous request offered. HIM?! Clean up after an old grown darker that was more than capable of taking care of himself?! Absolutely ludacris!

"T-Thou actually expects mineself t-to cater to thine poor home like a common maid?! Hahaha. Thou's brain tis full of silly cotten if tbou thinkest I wouldst do anything like THAT!"

The cat to his credit didnt drop the patient smile and instead retorted with. "Well you are living like us common folk aren't you?" The worm stopped his chuckling tangent to stare at him. "And digging in the dirt and plucking what candy he can get from the trees for survival. Now aren't you?"

The duke sputtered angrily before slamming a hand down on the counter while pointing the other straight at him. "Now seest here you walking...c-child"s plaything! Rouxls Kaard tis not one to bend to thou's whim just because of mine bad luck! What I do tis nay any business of yours! I shant hereth any more nonsense of soulmates o-or ridiculous offers! And as soon as that Jevil gets thinself back Ill telleth thee what exactly I thinkest of this whole situation! If anything had happened to mine boy whilst I amst away I shall seest to it he gets turned into a jack in thine box!"

Seam hadn't even batted an eye at the rant, as if he had been expecting the entire thing from the start. "Well if I remember right, you're living just like the rest of us. Doesn't matter if you're rich or not Duke. You're still just as helpless as the rest of us-"

SLAM!

"GET OUT!" The worm angrily point a hand behind Seam towards the door in the front. But not before slamming his hands onto the counter. His soul throbbed with anger at the moment and Seam could clearly sense it by the way his eye tilted down towards his chest. Where one's presumed soul would be. "GETTEST THINESELF OUT AND DON'T EVER STEP FOOT NEAR MINESELF AGAIN!!"

Ever smiling, Seam didn't hesitate to obey the angry worn as he headed back towards the door. The little bat stumbling to follow along. The jingling of the bell came as the door opened and the cat stepped out. But not before saying-

"Ill see you tomorrow friend. Hopefully we can arrange a better meet up."

[blookmallow]

i started a very confusing game about graveyards and i do not understand it but im having a good time. sort of. mostly 

a FRUSTRATING time. but. i Will figure this shit out 

so my guy got transported to another world/possibly back in time/Something and everyone has declared him the graveyard keeper, which he does not want to be, but *I* want to be, so that’s a shame for him. there’s a plot where you’re trying to figure out how to get back home. i do not care about this plot 

looks like i can build a Corpse Hatch, which sounds lovely 

why thank you, talking donkey

not sure why there’s a steady corpse delivery coming in from apparently all the same nearby town but who am i to question this 

i agree wholeheartedly 

my talking skull friend taught me that autopsies are just slicing off pieces of flesh. it is very scientific and im positive this is how autopsies work

i also learned a bunch of recipes for burgers and sandwiches for doing this, and the skull buddy encouraged me to go sell the “meat” in town, which is INCREDIBLY ALARMING

i later learned how to get more things than just flesh out of the corpses!! i can get all kinds of great organs and bones now!!! i dont know what the fuck to do with them!!!! im filling a box in my house with them!!!!!

press E to grave 

my main first job was to fix up this mess of a graveyard, which sounds simple, but you only get a few repair kits, and its not. really explained how to get more, so i got stuck on a wild loop of nonsense trying to figure out how the fuck to fix these graves

- theres a village nearby with shops, but i can’t buy anything because i have no money. i get burial certificates for my grave digging, but i cant redeem them for essentially my paycheck at the moment bc the town is broke. i forget what im supposed to do to help that situation. i have thus far not found anything i can sell except like, trading a ton of materials for like One useful thing. im sure there is a system here but i do Not know what it is. i did in fact get desperate enough to consider my skull friend’s suggestion of selling corpse meat but i apparently am not allowed to do that without a stamp of quality/approval/whatever to uh. try to avoid the exact thing im trying to do :’ )  

who would ever DO such a thing

- anyway then i spent like an in-game week trying to figure out how the fuck to get more repair kits before i realized i could unlock crafting skills which led me to “ok to build a repair kit i need a carpenter bench. which is apparently not something im supposed to find somewhere but i can build one, which would have been great to know a week ago” “to get a carpenter bench i need [various wood materials]” “to make the materials i need i gotta make a sawhorse” “to get a sawhorse i need logs” “to get logs i need to chop down trees OK THATS A THING I CAN DO I GOT THIS” [gets stuck for like 20 minutes because i could carry the log, but not put the log in my inventory, and setting the log down by the saw thing doesn’t allow you to use it, and it turns out theres actually this OTHEr thing in my yard i needed to put the log on first and THEN i could use it,]

- eventually somewhere in that mess i realized i could just build new grave markers, which was actually easier than making new repair kits to fix the existing ones, so i just started crafting a fuckload of grave markers and tossing all the broken ones in the chest outside the church. its fine

- i also can’t figure out the food crafting system, bc of the same “you need [x] ingredient. to get that you have to make [y] ingredient. to make [y] you need to find [z] and [n]” loop problem, so i keep running out of energy and having to go take naps constantly bc thats the only way i have to get it back

- this is all the first major task of the game, by the way, which i think was intended to be completed in the first few days. it took me like almost an in-game month to figure out what i needed to do and craft everything to get there

its SUCH a mess but im so determined to figure it out lmao i Will become a competent grave keeper 

i also do not know what will happen when my graveyard runs out of space bc i have a steady supply of corpses and a very limited churchyard to work with 

i dont think im allowed to just start digging random graves all over the town otherwise i would absolutely start digging random graves all over the town 

i legitimately got STUCK here for like 10 minutes bc these guys wandered over and blocked me in and just stood there for a million years and i could not get around them/can’t interact with them at all in any way so i just had to stand there until one of them decided to leave 

ah yes, here we are in the great kingdom of The Kingdom, in a little farming village known as The Village, just outside of The Town 

sir i was born for this mission 

a ghost came to me in my house and asked me to dig up one of the graves bc that guy is Really Annoying and throwing off the whole vibe, and i cant have that of course so i dug up the corpse and dumped it in the river and then my skull friend got mad at me because come ON man, what are you DOING, obviously cremation is the best way to dispose of a body, 

its shit like this that makes me absolutely determined to figure out this crafting nightmare i LIVE for this 

uhh

APPARENTLY I CAN CRAFT FAITH PARTICLES BY PREACHING. SURE. OK. WHAT DO I EVEN DO WITH THIS

also i really dont think a grave digger is qualified to be a pastor but apparently thats also my job too now 

i mean, im great at it, but thats beside the point 

(this is scripted i didnt make him say this lmao but) 

ALSO I FOUND BLOOD IN A TRUNK IN THE CHURCH BASEMENT! PROBABLY FINE! 

i found a study table but i cannot study anything bc i dont have any science

i m going to bed i cant deal with this anymore right now :’   ) 

[polarishq]

Meet MARTHA “Molly” HARRIS. They are ONE-HUNDRED and FORTY-TWO years old and hail from CLAREMORE, OK. Molly embodies the star, VEGA. They use she/her pronouns. Their faceclaim is MAIA MITCHELL.

Molly reminds me of a fully stocked first aid kit, peter pan collars and bruised knuckles, blurred photographs, tense muscles, a cross tucked in the far back of the jewelry box, deep breathing techniques, a southern drawl, prayers whispered in the dead of night, dusty windowsills, pink pocketknives, and a redemption you can only hope to deserve.

BIOGRAPHY

(TRIGGERS for death, violence, assault. and religion)

For Molly Harris, the very idea of magic was something to be feared. She was born the youngest of five children and the only daughter, to their town’s pastor and his wife, a woman who Molly only knows through stories as she died during childbirth. The Harris family has never known a drop of magic, and within Claremore, withcraft was heresy used to turn others away from God. Molly never imagined that anything about her was out of the ordinary, though looking back on it, she takes note of how easily injuries of hers would heal compared to her brothers’. Her life was simple, comprised of being the good pastor’s daughter and very little else.

Most of her childhood and early adolescence passed by easily. It wasn’t until the age of 13 when Molly realized she was different. While walking home one day, she discovered a cat who’d sustained a broken leg. Her intention had been to move it somewhere safe, but when she picked the poor fellow up, there was a burst of warmth in the tips of her fingers and suddenly, the cat leapt from her arms without any sign of injury. Maybe she had imagined that it had been hurt. Maybe it had been faking. But when a bird fell out of its nest on the Harris family’s roof a few weeks later, and a simple touch managed to fix its busted wing, it was too much to be a coincidence. Molly was terrified when she put two and two together. Had the devil taken hold of her somehow? But if so, why was she able to do something that helped, rather than hurt like she’d always been taught was the only way for magic? She didn’t understand, but she did know that it needed to be kept secret. She could use her powers in peace to do good when people weren’t around, and every other minute of the day, she could be just as normal as the rest of her family

It was a good plan in theory, and one that Molly managed to execute for years. First it was healing wounded animals, then when she found out she could heal sickness as well, she tended to her family under the guise of very good home remedies to get them back on track. All the while, she continued to sit in the front pew of her father’s church, hearing him talk of smiting the wicked and those who went against God’s natural plan. If her abilities meant she would burn in Hell, she would at least do good while on Earth. That all came to a crashing halt right around Molly’s nineteenth birthday. A tragic incident involving one of her brother’s and a buggy left him barely alive; while her father sat at his bedside praying God spare his son, Molly made a sudden decision to stitch up his wounds and heal the internal damage. This wasn’t a stray dog, this was her family. Surely her father would understand that this was a gift.

He did not.

The moment her brother’s wounds were clearly healed, her father turned on his only daughter. The words he shouted at her are one she’ll never forget, nor the way he physically grabbed her while her other brothers worked to restrain him. Worst of all was the accusation that her late mother had consorted with the devil, and Molly was nothing more than his spawn. She had thought that herself countless times, but to have her father think it as well was more than she knew how to handle. A switch was instantly flipped within the Harris household. Molly wasn’t allowed to leave the home, not even to go to church lest she infect the congregation with her sorcery. Her brothers were forbidden to interact with her, though they did occasionally speak to her through her bedroom door when there was no chance of getting caught. And her father’s only acknowledgment of her was in the form of rituals and ceremonies, claiming they would remove the evil from her body but usually only resulted in Molly being left crying on the floor. Her faith quickly began to dwindle; if God were real, why would he have given her these abilities when she’d only ever tried to be good?

The abuse continued for years, long past the time when Molly’s physical aging slowed down. And in all that time, Molly only became angrier. The day came when she finally cracked, and told her father that she would kill him if he didn’t let her go. Molly had no intention of doing so. At the time, she didnt’ know that she was capable of anything outside of healing, but in that moment, she realized that her father was more fearful of her than anything else and she used that to her advantage. When Molly finally stepped outside of her home for the first time in almost two decades, it was a world she barely knew. But it was wide open to her.

The years of trauma and building viciousness had turned Molly into something very different from the good little Christian girl she had once been. She was completely on her own, and learning to navigate this new existence was daunting, but Molly prevailed. She learned to listen and take in the actions of those around, and eventually heard rumors (whispered only in the farthest corners of restaurants and under the breaths of young girls) of a group that claimed to be witches. Actual witches, who made no secret of their magic. Molly followed these rumors to New Orleans, and tracked down the group with no name.

Gaining their trust wasn’t easy, but then again, nothing about Molly’s life had been easy. Once she’d proven herself a valuable asset (the group thrived on making their presence known on violence, and the backfiring of that meant that a healer had a very special place among them), Molly began learning what exactly she was. A witch, yes, but very different from the ugly old women she’d heard about in childhood stories. Beyond that, she learned that she was capable of more than just healing. Healing was her specialty, but years of trauma had left any other abilities stunted. In the group though, proving you belonged meant being willing to get her hands dirty. If Molly couldn’t do so with magic, then she may as use her own body. She learned to fight with her fists, and when she became skilled at that, Molly gained a rather special love for knives. The Group with No Name was one of a handful of magic gangs scattered around the country, and the number of fights (both physical and magical) that Molly found herself in over the proceeding decades was immeasurable. She’s pretty sure she has almost died at least two dozen times, but the sheer rush of it all — after all of the hurt and pain she’d gone through — was beyond words.

The Group became a second family to her, or at least in the sense of what Molly defined as family. There was no love, but there was fierce loyalty to their own. That’s why, when their leader told them they had captured two mortals who had been hunting them down, Molly didn’t bat an eyelash at the prospect of killing them. Until she heard the name. Zachary and Peter Harris of Fucksville, Oklahoma, as their leader so politely put it. Molly’s brothers were in their 70s at this point, harmless and human and looking for her. The Group was loyal to their own, so surely if she asked that they be spared, they would. Right? Wrong. 

Much like her father, the Group turned on her the second it seemed that she was different from them. Her brothers were dragged out in front of her, and before Molly could take in the sight of them, they were both dead. Nothing needed to be said for Molly to know that they hadn’t simply been found. They had been looking for her after all those years, and now they had been murdered because of her. Much like with her father, something in Molly snapped. Unlike that incident, she did not have the upper hand. The fight that result was all flinging spells and tearing skin, and Molly’s focus was on escaping rather than winning. Had she not been able to heal herself, she’s certain she would have died, but eventually she was able to run far enough away out of their reach. 

Molly was once again alone. She hated the violent person she had become while with them, and she hated the naive little girl she’d been before. Over the following years, Molly focused on surviving just for herself, picking up off jobs and leaving town once her lack of aging became too obvious. At one point in the late 1980s, she obtained fake documents to get her into nursing school, if only to be able to use her healing powers in a proper setting. And just a few years ago, she heard word of a school in Vermont that trained magic users properly, something she had never known she wanted. When she spoke with the Ursas, her biggest fear was that she would be rejected since her only ability to date was healing. But she was more than that, they assured her. The rest of her magic had gone dormant as a result of her father’s abuse, but that just meant they could awaken it. Molly was accepted in Polaris and, for the dozenth time in her life, learned to live a new existence.

She’s been at Polaris for a few years now and indeed, her magic has slowly made itself known. She’s learning to control water, but her largest focus has been on strengthening her healers skillset. She has done so much harm, that now she can’t imagine doing anything but good. Molly has also slowly began reevaluating her relationship with religion, though the borderline exorcisms her father put her through now makes prayers taste like ash in her mouth. And after decades of living to survive, Molly is still unlearning how to react with violence first. When she moved quickly, fists balled at her side and ready to swing, its not out of anger. It’s a need to make the first move before someone else gets the advantage. The thing that’s taken Molly the longest to learn is that she’s safe. Quite honestly, she’s not sure if she’ll ever learn that lesson.

INCLINATION

As the brightest star within Lyra, it comes as no surprise that Vega has its own capacity for healing. In particular, Vega tends to sponsor magic users at birth, often those whose mothers have died during the process. In Vega’s opinion, an individual born among death should have something resembling the gift of life. The healers of Vega tend to be gentle souls by nature, though it can be very easy to hurt their souls. They can heal and cure just about anyone who still has a heartbeat, but their inability to heal emotional pain can weigh heavy.

CONNECTIONS

Birds of a Feather: Another member or the former gang Molly was in. Maybe they left, maybe they’re still in but are now at Polaris for any number of reasons. Either way, considering the way Molly left, there is a heavy dose of bad blood between them despite the former loyalty.

Sparring Partner: Although it can be hard to tell at first glance, Molly knows how to easily take someone down in a physical fight. And while she’s trying very hard to be a gentle person nowadays, she’s well aware that sometimes you need to protect yourself. This is someone who’s aware of Molly’s past enough to know her fighting skills, and the two of them occasionally spar together to keep their abilities sharp.

Filling the role of Leonard Vance’s Best Friend.

Penned by Jeanne ★

[robinskalechip]

home - chapter fourteen

robin buckley fan fic

a/n: please keep leaving me feedback and comments and questions and etc, they really mean a lot to me and i like getting to know all of your imput and feelings about the series

warnings: smoking, language, mentions of what happened in the previous chapter

masterlist

not my gif!

chapter fourteen - dont cry for me

sofia walked outside after calming down a bit, passing robin and everyone else in the room, not saying a single word. she sat on the hood of her car as she reached into her pocket and retrieved her pack of cigarettes to then take one out and put it in her mouth.

robin opened the door to see the girl in the midst of lighting the cigarette and taking in her first hit

robin felt a sense of anger but also sympathy due to her confusion ���what was that”

“what was what?”

“that”

sofia looked up, her eyes red from crying “i don’t know what you’re talking about rob”

robin stood in between sofia’s legs as she inched closer “that last one was your biggest fear. why the hell was it me?”

sofia stood up, knowing she couldn’t handle this conversation right now

she avoided eye contact at all cost

robin chuckled sarcastically “and you won’t even look at me..great”

she started to walk towards the lake that was near the new byer’s household, robin following her

“sof”

no answer

“SOF”

nothing at all

“SOF WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM”

sofia turned around aggressively “YOU ROBIN”

she took a deep breathe and tried to hold back her tears as she spoke softly “it’s you”

she turned around and continued walking

robin,in confusion, kept following her “me? what the hell did i do”

sofia stopped to bend her head back as she looked up at the sky stars before responding “you exist”

robin’s face fell before sofia started to explain “i felt like i couldn’t breathe for three damn years and then-“

she was trying to collect her thoughts and breathe all at once

“then i met you”

her voice began to rise as she started to tear up

“and it was like i could breathe again. and actually enjoying it too. and it scares me robin.”

she got closer to robin, now crying harder

“YOU TERRIFY ME BECAUSE YOU CAN TAKE IT ALL AWAY AGAIN”

robin tried to cup her face but sofia leaned back to avoid it “you think you don’t terrify me? that’s what this is.”

her voice began to rise as she cried as well “we give each other that power and trust that the other person won’t use it. i never trusted anyone sofia. I NEVER LOVED SOMEONE THE WAY I LOVE YOU”

sofia was taken back by the fact that she said it, the l word

robin was now crying harder than before as she walked towards sofia and kissed her

sofia melted into the kiss, giving herself and her vulnerability to robin. she gave all of herself to her in that moment; every physical and emotional part of her.

“i want to ask you...things..but i don’t know if you want me to”

sofia kissed her once more, it was the most gentle kiss she had ever given another soul

she wiped robin’s tears and even her nose with the sleeve of her oversized sweater

“ask me things”

robin looked at the ground as she gathered her breathe and her courage

“what happened after you left?” she was honestly scared to know

sofia gulped as she walked towards the pier that hung over the lake, taking robin’s hand on her way

robin sat next to her

she liked how the lights looked on robin’s face, she just really liked robin’s face but the lights made her look like even more of an angel

she stared at her for another moment before she was snapped out of her daze by robin’s laughter “why are you staring at me”

sofia leaned forward, briefly resting her forehead on robin’s before lightly kissing her “tu sei arte you are art”

sofia pulled away to then lean back on the post that was directly behind her

“well firstly, i’m not going to act like i didnt hear that word back there. but i’m not going to say it back right now.” she took her hand “i want you to know that it’s coming from me..the REAL me when i say it. not when i’m emotionally exhausted and full of booze and tobacco. you deserve me fully and i’m willing to give it to you”

robin understood completely, “take as much time as you need” she smiled once more before pecking sofia’s hand “okay now tell me”

“i left three years ago because my parents found out i was kissing my best friend. of course my dad being so big in the church, he kicked me out and i went to new york. ya know more opportunities and i had heard so much about it. i lived in my car and washed dishes at a diner before lauren found me-“

robin was paying close attention to every word and every shift of emotion

“she owned this club in the popular queer part of the city and it paid way more than the diner so i started to work there for money...and did some other stuff but not too often.”

“other stuff?”

sofia looked at robin as she giggled

“i banged them for money rob”

robin leaned back to the position she was originally in “yeah that’s what i thought”

sofia chuckled, “it was only a few times. lauren never made me do it but she gave me an option if they made the offer. they were all frequent customers and they were hot rob. like next level hot. like obviously they’re below you babe but god they were like second to top shelf”

robin noticed it, babe

“anyways i did that for a while and one night i was leaving when some homophobic assholes jumped me when they saw me leave and that’s when i met natalie.”

“yeah what exactly did you do”

sofia sat up as she explained “okay so basically there’s this like community in new york and it’s all people like us rob” her face was lighting up “and every week there are these balls and we competed in them in different categories. like the face categories were all mine or the ones that were masc-fem were always the ones nat put me in because i always won.”

she felt herself rambling but she could tell robin didn’t mind

“they loved me and i loved them. and judges would score us and whoever got the highest score won and in exchange for competing, nat housed and basically raised five of us”

she smiled thinking back at the memories

“she got me a job at the times with her friend, she always wanted me to write like it was the end of the world and all i had left to do was tell everyone about the people i loved and the things that made me angry about the universe”

she began to tear up slightly but smiled through it

“daniel was my favorite, always. but he got the virus that was taking out practically everyone we knew”

“no one is trying to help cure it?”

sofia chuckled at how naive she sounded “honey they want us dead”

she took out another cigarette and lit it “about six months later nat got stabbed by some dude on her way home. she died right in front of me.” she took a pause “that was my breaking point”

robin began to cry as sofia pushed back a piece of her hair and lifted her chin to raise and look at her. she brushed the tear from her lover’s cheek “dont cry for me il mio amore my love”

“i started using after that. i drank a lot more, smoked a lot more, did some other drugs here and there but coke was always my go to”

“why did you do that”

sofia turned to her “it made me feel...nothing and everything all at once but only the good bits

and that’s all i wanted at that point”

sofia grabbed robin’s hand as she said the next bit “i got a call from my cousin, aka the only person from my family i still talk to, and he told me ma was sick so i came back”

she smiled again, but this time it was her bright™️ smile. she moved closer to robin as she spoke “and i met this smart funny beautifully intoxicating girl who likes sad movies and vanilla milkshakes and makes me feel like i’m going crazy every time i’m around her”

she kissed her passionately as she moved her hand to cup her cheek, robin doing the same

robin pulled back, she brushed her fingertip over sofia’s lips and leaning her forehead against the other girl’s “as much as you scare me, you always make me feel so calm...so safe”

“i got your back rob, through everything”

next chapter

[lesbianboobees-blog]

Coming out cont: Mom

Hello lovelies!

I've been meaning to post for a while, but I've been super busy, and life has been crazy.

So.. I came out to my mom a few weeks ago. It was unplanned to say the least.

A little back story. The past few years I had a plan: pay off student loans, save for a house, buy a house. I would talk to my mom a lot about it. But, living with my parents for the past 3 years has not been good for my mental health. Constant anxiety and irritability, followed by depression. So when I finally paid off my government student loans, I was ready to move out. However, I realized that buying a house by myself seemed to be a huge undertaking. Not to mention taking care of the house alone. I did a lot of research, and talked to my mom a lot. Eventually I decided it would make more sense for me to move into an apartment right now. Sure, I could've stayed with my parents for another 2 years and saved up enough for the down payment on a house... but my mental health was more important. And besides all of that, I really wanted to come out to my parents. It is important to me to come out to them before the next presidential election. I'm hoping they will think twice next time they vote. Also, I know my dad will not handle the news that I am a lesbian very well. And I cannot be living there when I tell him.

So it was decided, apartment it is.

I had casually mentioned my decision to my mom during my aunt's birthday lunch. She asked why, and I told her a few reasons. Later that afternoon, I was in the kitchen baking, and she kept asking me why I'm moving now. "Why not stay and save for a house? That's what you wanted right?" My mom is a no nonsense kind of person. She is the most rational person I know. So I understood why she was confused. While she was asking these questions, I had glanced at my dad who was in the living room, and told my mom I would tell her later. She caught on. My dad got up to go to the bathroom, and she immediately asked "does it have something to do with your dad?".

Split second decision, fuck it : "yes mom. I'm gay, and I've been wanting to tell you guys. But I dont think dad is going to handle it well, so I'm not going to be here when hes dealing with it."

Silence. Dad came back to the living room.

Holy fuck, my nerves were so shot, I could barely finish baking. Went outside to smoke and couldnt stop freaking out. It was the silence. It terrified me. I kept telling myself "she didnt say anything cuz dad came back" ... but it didnt make a difference. They both ended up leaving for a church thing and didnt get home till after I was in bed.

The next day. I'm gonna talk to her. Somehow I will get her alone so we can talk. I got home from work... they were both gone at a church thing again. I think it was the beginning of lent, and they were doing some mission thing? I obviously am not involved in the catholic faith anymore.

2 days later. Same exact thing. They both were gone until late.

3 days later. When I got home, they were gone again. Started losing hope about talking to mom. Finally, right before I was getting ready for bed, mom got home before dad. At this point. My nerves were so bad, I couldnt bring myself to say anything about it. It was hard enough talking to her about normal stuff because I didnt know how she felt about me being gay. I tried to act normal.

Then. She did this thing. I will do my best to describe it.

She came up to me, put her hands on my cheeks, and nuzzled my forehead. It felt so primal, so instinctual. "You are my child, and I love you unconditionally" she didnt even have to say it, it was loud and clear. I wish I could put into words how powerful it was. She smiled, and kissed me on the forehead. I went to get ready for bed and cried. A good cry. It was just so powerful and meaningful to me. So relieving after the days of intense anxiety I had been experiencing as well.

I was so thankful for her doing that. It was scary, but I am glad I came out to her.

Now we will talk when we have time.

Except, we still haven't talked. Its after Easter now. I will have the courage to bring it up eventually. But I also have been pretty busy because I moved into my own apartment the beginning of April!

Things are looking up. It's still been a difficult process, but I am making progress.

***A note to anyone who is thinking about coming out to someone, I highly recommend making sure you will have time to talk right when you tell them. The waiting is terrifying and miserable. Even if they need time to process, be available and ask them if they have questions. Let them know you are open to talk about it. I'm still trying to get there, and I really wish it was part of the original conversation when I told her. It would've been so much easier having a conversation then than trying to bring it up weeks later.

[kim-isnt-seaweed]

I want to sleeep but i cant cause if i lay down i feel like im gonna choke and apparently if i am not completely laying down i cant sleep either.

So lets use this time, of pain and feeling like im in some episode of naked and afraid in a desseret despite downing water every 5 seconds, lets talk about sleep paralysis.

If you dont know what it is, its when -correct me if im wrong- your body is asleep but not the rest of you, so like its freaky.

In Colombia, we say it's because a witch is laying on you, by that i mean it in a litteral sense, we(not everyone obviously) still very much believe in them gals and we are terrified of them, thus if you experience sleep paralysis sometimes people will immediately assume it was a spooky lady trynna fuck you up (i am very scared of them and even saying the word please dont judge me). although they usually always say they only haunt men, and you only hear these stories from men, so either women are less prone to this or both explanations are true idk, but imagine a poor sucker that suffers from both.

Anyway, i grew up believing that until a few years back where i learned about sleep paralysis (i still believe in the other reason too, my family is too got damn superstitious for me not to) but again i just didnt think that was something that could happen to me, idk. However to date i have expereiend it two times for sure and other two times i am not quite sure what the fuck that was, but lets start from the beginning:

1. The first time was probably two years ago, T (my boyfriend at the time) my FIL and I had gone to my FIL's home town 4 hours away, we were coming back to Seoul and since I had the whole back seat to myself I just spread out and fell asleep. Next thing I remember was waking up, facing the seats (my back towards the front seats) and not being able to move, I remember trying to talk and move around, I could hear them clearly but I won't able to make my body move, I tried screaming but nothing, I then kept thinking to myself "please one of you shake me up!" But then I suddenly opened (?) My eyes and I was like "that sucked"

2. Maybe last year? I was in bed when I suddenly "woke up" I felt like I was choking soi was struggling, again hoping T would shake me, I remember just seeing the dark ceiling (thank god) then I kinda realized I must be having sleep paralysis again so I relaxed and fell back to sleep.

Now for the other two that were kinda like sleep paralysis but I am not sure. If you are wondering "how does she remember her dreams? She must be lying" believe what you will but I have so many crazy ass dreams I just tend to remember many or at least an important part of it.

3. I was having a dream, it was a normal dream nothing really crazy but I remember in one part I was in a room and this guy came in and I felt that something cringy was about to happen so I was told myself to wake up (a skill I learned to do when I was little and having nightmares) only when i "woke up" I wasn't able to move, I was facing my blanket but i couldn't move or speak so i -I swear on my life this is actually what I thought- "fuck I didn't wake up all the way, go back to sleep then" I went back to sleep, the dream rewinded itself or something and then I woke up and I had to wake T up too because that was weird. So either it was sleep paralysis or just a very interactive dream idk.

4. It was last week, again I was asleep and I was having a dream, but as a really lucid lifelike dream, there was nothing dream like about it. The first thing I remember from the dream was me being out of bed, I remember seeing T and our cat sound asleep curled up in bed when I left the room so I realized it was right probably right before sunrise because of the bluish lighting in our house, everything seemed because I do tend to get up at all hours of the night to use the bathroom, but then as soon as I stepped out of our rooms doorway about to move forward I fainted or at least I think I fainted, it all went dark and then when I woke up it was the same setting, our normal house at dawn just as if you had passed out in real life, but then I noticed I couldn't move. My eyes were seen the house around me but I wasn't able to move, I tried calling out for T, I tried wiggling and just when I felt like I couldn't breathe, I realized 1. How could the sound of a body hitting the floor not wake our cat up (T is a heavy sleeper so no surprise there) 2? And most importantly I couldn't remember waking up and having to climb over a cat and a grown man to get of out bed ( our bed is in a tiny room and my side is against the wall so if I want to get out I literally have to climb over T, something I always complain about.) All I could remember was just suddenly standing next to them and then leaving the room. With this in mind i was like "I must still be asleep and dreaming" so I willed myself to wake up and i haven't been able to stop thinking about that dream since because it felt like sleep paralysis but I don't know for sure if it was since I wasn't like "oh my mind is in reality but my body isn't" it was more like "my body is in reality and neither is my mind" so can you have sleep paralysis while your mind is still asleep and dreaming?? But then again why was the dream so..normal and life like? Its a scenario that can actually happen in real life, me getting up at dawn when the house is dark anymore but the sun isn't shining yet, everyone else is still asleep and all I'm really going to do is use the restroom.

Don't get me wrong I have had my fair share of lucid dreams but they still had their sprinkle of crazy in them,one where my dead father appeared crucified in the middle of church saying something Although I knew it was a dream because his parents were there and their Jehovah's witnesses, they wouldn't step foot in a Catholic church even if you pointed a gun at them, the other one it was my families apartment at the time and it was overrun by hell creatures (fun fact I had gotten into a fight with my mom about God and religion before bed sooo yeh) one of those little bastards scratched me and when I woke up my hand actually hurt and another recent one was that I died, I went to an office, god was there (he had an eyepatch) and he then sent me back to earth, that's thing I saw before wakeing up was falling down to earth.

So there you have it, those are my experiences with sleep paralysis, and some crazy dreams of mine as well. Now i will see if i can finall go to sleep, good night!

[queerpunkcryptid-archive-blog]

zaxal replied to your post “i found god’s love in a rowdy alehouse at 10pm on a sunday night ...”

THAT'S HOW IT BE SOMETIMES!!!

okay i wanna sleep but first i just gotta

so storytime, tw for generic suicidal feelings but nothing graphic at all but like

a few weeks ago, like. late july-ish since it was when i was old enough to be in a bar. i was planning to jump off a bridge near where i work, a freeway bridge, and like. i decided to get a few drinks first.

and as i got up to leave i saw a guy setting up his guitar and tip box at a table near the centre of the room. i decided, you know what, fuck it, i don’t need my money where i’m going, and went across the street to the place i work to buy something and take out some cash for the guy’s tip box.

well, his singing was good so i figured, whatever, i’ll stick around and listen to one song. then he acknowledged me. like. a complete stranger. he had no obligation like my coworkers or friends to talk to me but he did. and he kept it up, introducing himself or asking questions or just cracking jokes in between songs. i ended up staying the whole time.

so i didnt’ jump.

he’s there every other sunday so i came back two sundays later and, while tipsy, wrote him a letter on a receipt letting him know that he in essence saved my life. a coworker showed up and got wasted so he didn’t have a chance to really talk to me or read my note that night but i stayed to the end of his set

well today (another two weeks later) he was super glad that i was there bc he wanted to talk to me about the letter (which was an answer to his prayers, he said, and that he had shown to his wife who had cried)

i won’t go into crazy detail but basically he has always prayed his music would help others, and it obvs helped me, and he went into a long excited talk about god and how much he loved me and???

i’ve heard all this before but he made the point of teling me that nothing i do will ever take me away from god’s love, that god loves me and jesus died for me no matter what, and that my sexuality/whatever else is just a tiny sliver in the huge huge huge expanse that is me and it doesn’t matter as much as people think, it’s the heart

and he prayed for me in this freakin alehouse but he asked first and then again and then again becuase he wanted to be SURE i was okay with it, and he asked how i was feeling and listened to me talk about how i was afraid that the church cwas right and that i might end up in hell and he told me that they werne’t right, that the church gets a lot wrong and that jesus does love me

what really made me break down crying was him saying super insistently, “god is a better father than me. and i, as a father of a three year old, if you were my kid, i would love you no matter what, accept you no matter what, i would never reject you” and i was just. bawling tbh 

and he kept saying stuff like “you are His son” and addressing me as gabriel like “you, gabriel, are loved by him” and i have never heard a christian actually use my name or address me as god’s son and it. was emotional

he hugged me and recommended some films and was just so enthusiastic (this was his first time ever doing something like this or talking to someone like this cause he’s usually so nervous, but after reading my letter he just had to) and genuine and caring and he suggested i talk to god like i would a friend so im

gonna do that before bed but like

yeah no i’m shook but in a good way and i’m almost willing to be hopeful that this means something

[16screamingferalrats]

I want to talk about something, that happened a while ago, that i never told you.

Tw shootings

I want to tell you this because i want to address gun violence, in places that aren’t america. I live in Canada, said to be peaceful and never violent. That nothing goes wrong in Canada, that there isn’t any Homophobia or Shootings or abuse here because of our laws.

There is, theres everything you could think of here. We are having more shootings than we expected, and its happening more and more and more, especially in Toronto.

I never wanted to speak on this issue, i wanted to seem like everything was fine. Nothing happened to me, or my friends, after all. No one would care, right?

I don’t care, i need to get this off because it could’ve been me, my friends, my councillors.

—-

We were at the park, playing and having a good time, I was talking with my friends. Suddenly three very loud, very close shots rang out. Everyone stopped. We looked at eachother, not knowing what to do. Then everyone spoke, “was it fireworks?” “Were those gun shots?” Some of my friends were very worried while others blew it off. I didn’t want to be there anymore, What if it was gunshots? After a minute, we left, just to be safe. Everyone seemed calm about it, some didn’t care.

Dwight did. Dwight was scared out of his mind, he ushered the group back to our camp, “go faster!” People tried to tell him not to worry. Dwight is 12 years old. 12. A 12 year old should not be worried about him and his friends dying. Dwight looked like he was on the verge of tears.

We got back to camp and were ushered inside almost Nonchalantly. The other groups that were out were also brought to the Multi Purpose room. There we sat, with out bags on, in the middle of the floor.

“Be quiet,” the councillors told the kids. They didn’t know what was happening. Kids as young as 6 years old were there, not knowing what was going on.

“Why do we have our bags on?” Some asked. The only thing i thought of was ‘to stop the bullets, if you’re lucky.’

I was panicked. The leaders closed the blinds, turned the lights off. I overheard every word they whispered to eachother “We’re going to go block the doors, if anyone tries to get in we have a key.” Something that would lock all the doors in the building that lead to the outside.

Think about that. Why should a community center need a panic key.

There we sat, my heart beating a thousand miles a minute.

‘What if the person comes here? What if we all die?’

I opened my phone and texted my friends in the group chat. I told them everything, i told them that i didnt know what would happen, and that I loved them.

Me, I had to tell my friends i loved them, as if i was writing my own will. And i swore that i was. I texted my best friend the same story. “I dont have much time to talk, heres the story. Ill do my best to stay safe, I love you.” I texted my parents the story, “we’re on lockdown, theres been a shooting, I love you”

Then we sat, the leaders, trying to distract from the situation, played a ‘quiet game of hangman’ with the kids. I didn’t play. I asked for prayers online, from any god or deity.

“Please,” i begged “please pray for the safety of my friends, and every camper”

It was hometime, i was allowed to go home on my own. I was about to leave when i saw two leaders blocking the doors. “Am i allowed to leave?” I asked, one of them looked at me, “im sorry, we’re still on lockdown, we’ll open up the doors in a few minutes, go back to the MPR.”

So i did, and i texted my mom that i wont be home soon since the camp was still on lockdown.

A few minuted later we were allowed to leave, the one leader who had talked to me before turned to me, “you can go, but be safe, if anything happens you can come back to the camp.”

I thanked her, and walked to the bus stop.

On the way there i spotted Dwight, shakey and scared walking home. I asked him if he had a ride home, “no,” he said. I couldn’t leave him to walk home. Not like this. I called my father and asked if he’d be able to drive him home as well. My parents, knowing of the situation, said no because they didnt know him.

I apologized profusely to Dwight, “do you have enough bus tickets to get home?” He said that he didnt need them because he can get on for free (since he’s 12). I went home on the bus.

I typed in every Social media app i had, insta, discord, whatever, i asked them to pray for my friends who were still at the camp. Many responded to my calls, and prayed for me. I prayed on the bus all the way home, and prayed when i got home.

‘I’m safe, please mother let the others be too, spare them.’

The next day i went back to camp. Everything was fine. We didnt go back to the park until a few weeks ago.

It was a shooting. Police arrived at the scene, ambulances came.

It didn’t end up on the news.

Children shouldn’t be worried about going to camp, going to the park, going to church, going to school. Children shouldn’t think that every day might be their last. It seems here that shootings happen almosf every two weeks. The problem is getting worse and we need to fix it.

I shouldn’t have sent my last words to my best friends

Dwight shouldn’t have to be afraid for his friends lives

Camp leaders shouldnt have to block up the doors to a community centre.

This shouldn’t happen. But it has. And it will. And maybe next time, we or anyone else, wont be so lucky.

[alliesweetsong]

Puncture

(The following is long, and is continued story from Here , Here and Here. It should be considered NSFW due to violence and graphic descriptions. I would also urge you to follow the other writers involved, I just played a part in an overall story, and it was a huge honor to do so.)

Two Days Ago:

Allie inhales deeply as a soft metallic click signifies her safety is off. Looking at the bear through her scope the sounds of Damien struggling to keep the rampaging animal off of him and the bear snarling and roaring with bestial wrath all seemed to slow as the Ren’dorei inhales slowly closes her eyes and takes aim at the back of the animals right shoulder.

The shot was dead on. Her time at the range with Gaz had been improving her shooting more then she noticed. With perfect trigger squeeze, the rifle goes off and the bullet travels through the air hitting the rampaging animal square behind its shoulder, puncturing its lungs, and severing the main artery from the heart. Taking two steps back the animals roars in pain before falling over dead. Damien had been using what little strength he had to hold off the bear, relaxes as it draws its final breaths.

“Damien. Damien talk t’me, are y’alright?” Alyssa asks with obvious panic in her voice. She knew there were risks attached to approaching a wounded and angry worgen, but at the moment though it was painfully obvious the young woman was not in self preservation mode.

Allie breathes a sigh of relief as she lowers her rifle and manipulates the bolt backwards to eject the spent casing the search was over after a long daunting week. Internally thanking the void she begins walking forward as the frantic red head begins checking her brother.

Damien looks over at the two women breathing heavily. Fresh claw marks are in full view on the mans chest. “Alyssa? Allie? Letting out a heavy breath the worgen seems relieved “Thank you”

Allie smiles to the man as she kneels before him and quickly takes her pack off her back Opening it the void elf doesn't even wait for instruction as she produces fresh linen from her pack and starts to tear it into manageable sheets to begin very crude basic first aid. She was no mender, but enough bumps and scrapes from the eversongs taught her a trick or two. “What happened Damien? Where is Raen?” She asks as she prepares the cloth.

Alyssa gently rubs her hand over her brothers brow, relief beginning to overtake her features. “Ey there, gods below I thought i’d lost you.” she says before rising to her feet as she gets a soft click in her earpiece “Allie, see t’im I think I might ‘ave ‘is lady.” she says before beginning to relay information to Damien’s girlfriend.

Nodding in agreement, Allie begins to treat her friends injuries as she patiently wait for him to collect himself. Applying the linens to her chest to atleast slow the bleeding, Allie looks around and sees a woman starting to approach in full panic mode who approaches and kneels before the man

“I, I had to leave Raen. I think she is safe for the time being.” Damien replies before looking at the woman identified as his girlfriend.

Frowning Allie ties off some of the cloth to apply its own pressure “Where is she Damien?” she repeats

Damien winces in pain as his girlfriend hugs him “She was in, a church, somewhere in Duskwood.. Ravenhill, I think…” he says with a pained expression.

Allie doesn’t even wait, standing up the quickly gets back on her horse leaving Alyssa, Damien and his girlfriend knowing he was well taken care of.

The Ride was long from Elwynn Forest to Duskwood. Arriving on the outskirts of Ravenhill as dusk fell, Allie started setting up a small camp using the light from a fire to do so. Looking at the church the Rendorei bites her lip and checks her ammunition in both revolvers before returning one to a holster. If someone was in here, it wouldn’t take both to bring them down.

“Hello!? Raen!?” she calls out loudly, using the echo to mask her pulling the hammer back on the weapon. But no response ever came.

Being able to see well in the dark had its perks as Allie began to search the building for any clues. Starting in the kitchen she sees drops of blood

And bites her lip “Oh Raen, what have you gotten into dear?” she asks out loud as if expecting an answer. Further searching the area, Allie stumble sinto more blood leading down from the second flood. A handprint on the banister and more blood leading into the basement. Getting more tense the void elf starts walking quieter. As allie reaches the foot of the stairs leading down a board creaks from the weight of the elf. The sound didn't stop her from coming upon a grizzly scene.

Before her was a small pool of blood and chains. Narrowing her eyes, rage started overtaking the void elf as she bends down to check the blood. It was atleast a day old at this point maybe longer two. “Shadows Raen, what happened here?” She says to herself again as she squats down inspecting the blood. Determining there was nothing more after a quick search around the remainder of the building, Allie heads back to her makeshift camp to sleep for the night. Exhausted from the ride and the days and even weeks events, it didn’t take much for her to fall asleep.

Dawn broke as Allie opens her eyes and stretches out. With a grown she adjusts her head on her pack that she had used for a makeshift pillow for the night.  She missed her bed, her bath, and Gareth. After a few moments, the elf yawns and sits up, beginning to break down camp and search for tracks on the way back to Stormwind. Grabbing the reins to her horse, Allie starts following several tracks of prints before one set clearly a females, breaks for the southeast towards stranglethorn. Inhaling deeply as she looks over the tracks Alie internally hopes those were Raen’s.

“Please tell me you got away from whoever did this.” she says softly..

Following the tracks Allie eventually turns north once more towards Westfall. Dismounting as she comes across a river, the Void elf allows the horse to drink and freshen up as she searches the area for clues. Finally forty five yards away from her horse, she comes across an obvious makeshift camp and a wave of relief comes over the elf. “Okay Raen..where are you going?” she asks as she goes and grabs her horse. Mounting up she starts following the tracks for several more miles before they abruptly, vanish.

Exhaling in exasperation, Allie frowns and begins turning around to head home. As she does, she notices obvious cart tracks. Spurring her horse she follows that all the way back home, to Stormwind.

The week had been a whirlwind of emotions for Allie. Knowing that the end was at least, somewhat near, she calls for Alyssa on her earpiece and asks for their location. Giving a detailed description to her of what she found the Ren’dorei couldn’t help but smile. Damien was safe. Alyssa was grateful, and Gareth was, as usual there to great her warmly, and with love. Kissing her partner as she watches him depart for the pub to go tell friends of the news. Smiling Allie starts walking to the docks to sit with her journal and update it. 

“So its been awhile hasn’t it? so uh...remember that guy I told you about Gareth? well he asked me a question a few nights ago and I really didnt know how to respond until a few days ago. I love him to much to say no Diary, me and Gareth are engag-”

“Excuse me miss?” A very familiar voice says behind her. Slowly closing the book she turns around glaring at the man who had stabbed her friend earlier in the week.

“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t shoot you?” she asks as she stands up.

Smirking the man motioned to the ledge Allie had been sitting upon swinging her legs happily back and forth just moments before “You would likely never make it before I pushed you over the edge?” he asks shrugging.

He was right and she knew it. Glancing over her shoulder at the ledge and drop she huffs and turns her focus back to the man “What do you want?” 

“You think I don’t know?” he asks after pondering a few moments

Allie lifts an eyebrow at that clearly confused. Wasting no time she started moving away from the ledge in case this went bad fast. “Know what?” she asks in a curious fashion 

The man blinks for a moment studying her face as he begins to speak “What you are doing with that crew I spotted you with yesterday.” he says before matching her steps. 

Allie laughs “Oh you mean the ones who offered me a job after I saved Felsi? I should really thank you for that.” she says in a sarcastic manner 

The man chuckles as he shakes his head head while Allie finally positions herself with her back to the steps leading down. Matching her step for step his intentions had started to become clearer. “let me give you some professional advice.” he says as he stands where she was just moments before “You probably would've survived the fall if I had pushed you. but now you only have to deal with me.” he says in a threatening manner. In a blinding display of agility, the man was upon her in seconds, one hand gripped on her throat as another went for a blade.

Surprised at the speed the man had Allie barely stopped him from grabbing the blade as she reaches with her free hand for her pistol on her right side. It was all one fluid motion as she unsnapped the holster, pulled the hammer back, brought the gun out and pulled the trigger hitting man square in the left knee cap.

As the bullet impacted the mans leg gave way. colliding with her with his hand still on the void elfs throat, Allie loses her own footing as her head is slammed into the stone pathway of the landing. White hot pain flashes in her eyes as her vision swims from the impact. 

Growling the man tries to use precious seconds he had over the Rendorei to clean his fist and send a savage looking blow to the woman’s jaw. But once again, the tenacity of Allie proved to much as she catches the fist. Looking at the man her eye’s begin filling with void energy. She clearly was not a brawler like her friends Aeva or Serelia so she does what anyone with a speciality does, she reaches for the gun jarred loosed from her hand as her head impacted the ground. 

Seeing this the man switches up his attack, and grabs her by the collar. Lifting her up off the ground several inches he slams her head back down against the stone which is met with an audible groan of pain from the Rendorei’s lips. Her eyes briefly flicker from the force of the blow. Idly reaching for her dagger Allie doesn’t think, she just reacts and drives it straight into the mans left side. 

Her assailant didn’t notice her reaching for another weapon and instead goes to grab around her neck once more thinking he had just won the fight. That thought however, quickly vanishes as three inches of steel tear into his flesh, and he grimaces in agony. Letting go of her neck he pins her arms down to prevent the void elf from doing anymore damage. 

Gasing for air as he lets go of her throat, Allie starts pivoting her hips and throws the man off her so she could get to her feet. As he does however the assailant uses the distance to reach into a pocket and pull out peculiar looking blade which he turns to stab into her right shoulder. 

Allie cries out in obvious pain as she gets to get feet. Reaching for her second pistol she removes it from its holster and pulls the hammer back aiming it with clear difficulty at the mans head as she stumbles backwards. “Do you...want another one?” she asks breathlessly 

The man smirks and holds up his hands “Don’t be too hasty.” he says struggling to his feet now as well. 

Allie’s chest rises and falls rapidly as her hand shakes, struggling to keep the pistol lifted up “Go...get out here.” she says motioning with her gun as she leans against the fountain trying to catch her breath. 

The assailant laughs and grins as he steps backwards “You don’t look so well, perhaps you should take it easy for a bit.” he taunts as he vanishes into shadows. 

Relieved Allie lowers the gun, blood runs from her head and shoulder mixing with sweat. she had just fended off an attempt on her life for the first time since her attack in Westfall. But something didn’t feel right. Cringing she lifts her left arm up to her wounded shoulder and groans as a foul odor begins to emanate from it. Poison. She needed help and she needed it fast. With her heart rate from the adrenaline it wouldn’t take long for it to spread. Quickly picking up the gun from the ground she starts stumbling her way to the ERU, or so she thought. Moaning she rests on the stone rail of the stairs to the park as the unconsciousness from the loss of blood begins to take hold. Lightly closing her eyes as she gives in to her wounds she hears footfalls rapidly approaching 

“Miss Allie?” calls a familiar voice.

@levvnightfall @dardillien-ward @serelia-evensong @protectermaji @earendelduskmourn @alyssa-ward @gaz-gnarledmane @a-warsaint for mentions and relevance. 

[mytearsrricochet]

ok so....inspired by the events that took place tonight (or were rather “exposed” tonight, if you will) I feel this is a good opportunity to share my own story about a similar situation. it’s been awhile since this happened and I don’t tell almost anyone about this. but I feel like talking through it step by step will help me cope. the realization about this thing happening was about 6 or so months ago I think....and I haven’t let myself think about it or really do anything with it because I've been terrified of confronting my feelings. I just wanted to put it behind me and forget about it, but we all know that’s not healthy.

so this doesn’t really relate to anything in this fandom, and it may seem too personal for me to post, but ya know whatever this is my blog and one means of posting about something that happened to me without judgment from people who already know me in the real world (besides just the internet). I'm putting it under a cut because I don’t want to bother people with this long ass story lol.

trigger warnings for abuse, self harm, suicide attempts, all that jazz

so when I was about 12 and a half or so, I embarrassingly took place in a thing that was popular back then (circa 2011/12) which was facebook roleplaying. basically what you did was create a new facebook account for a character you wanted to play, which could either be a character that was canonical or one you made up, but you were usually in a fandom. I roleplayed a character from the hunger games as I was very into the fandom at the time, but I was also very into glee then as well. that meant I was active in both fandoms equally, roleplaying with thg and glee people. it was a way to pass the time and I met a lot of cool people on there.

I became friends with a girl who was roleplaying a glee character very quickly. her real name was Emilee and I facetimed with her a lot and had her on my real facebook. she was really great and she was actually a few months younger than me. no qualms about her in this story. she role-play “dated” a male character from glee, Finn. the guy behind Finn was clearly foreign as he spoke English but pretty choppy. since I was friends with Emilee in real life (not just on facebook), I became friends with the Finn character too. the person behind the facebook account was named James. he was really nice and cool, and I didn’t really go further with him in our friendship in terms of social media. eventually though, Emilee deleted her role-play account very suddenly and blocked me on all social media. I had no idea why until Finn/James told me he would rather role-play date me. please keep in mind I was like 12/13 so this is more dramatic then than it is for me now at 19. I thought it was stupid for Emilee to ghost me like that as I liked finn/James as a friend, but Emilee was a really good friend to me and I was pissed that he would tell her that knowing it would jeopardize our friendship. again, 12 years old. this was a big deal back then.

I ended up getting over Emilee ghosting me pretty quickly, and after talking to finn/James (as my character, not about real-life issues, strictly still role-play) I decided sure why not. Emilee (her character was Rachel) was no longer around and I liked to role-play dating scenarios since I had never had a relationship in real life and I liked to act them out online.

my character (Madge) began dating James’s character Finn. they got engaged, married, whatever. by this point in the role-play timeline though, I had actually grown to know James more personally, and half our conversations were about our own lives. we became actual friends. he was really nice, and eventually, I formed a crush on him. I had never met him, facetimed, Skyped, or anything with him, I just really liked his personality. he was nice and funny and always cared about what I wanted to talk about. naturally I formed a desire to talk to him more, which I probably wrongly perceived as a crush. I just liked attention, and at that age, I was going through a hard time in my life with an abusive person that my father was dating, and I was honestly just trying to find comfort anywhere. James provided it for me.

I was getting bored with roleplaying and was getting anxiety about having a crush on someone I didnt know, so I confronted him about it. he told me he cared for me honestly, not just in the roleplaying world. that was about it at that point. I didnt know what that meant which caused more anxiety. eventually he told me he had a crush on me too, based off of the things we had talked about before, and he wanted to get to know me better. I had just celebrated my 13th birthday around this time. I vividly remember going to church with one of my friends and seeing a long paragraph he messaged me about himself. he was 17, his name was James Levine, and he was from France. I realized at that point I was too scared to tell him my age because it might scare him off, so I let him know I wasn't comfortable with sharing my age, but I shared a lot of other personal stuff like my name and whatever. he understood.

about 2 years goes by, and we are still talking and “dating”. the thing is, he has never shown me a picture of himself, we haven’t talked on the phone, we don’t FaceTime, nothing. I had requested it before, but he always blew me off. I had a really bad feeling in my stomach about it, and I think I always knew what was going on, but he was my outlet during a time where I had either bad friends or no friends, my dad was in and out of rehab, I was living with my emotionally abusive grandmother, and I had no one to rely on. I ignored what I knew in my heart because I just needed someone to talk to. it’s my biggest regret to this day.

anyway, when I was 15, I tell him how old I am. if you do the math, he is 19 by now. he’s kind of upset about the age difference, but he kind of forgets about it, I guess. nothing happened from it. I send him a selfie of me, and it’s the first time he’s ever seen me. the next morning, he sends me a selfie of him. he’s cute. we go about our lives.

he sent me recordings of songs he covered, and sometimes when I was really upset, I listened to them before I went to sleep because his voice soothed me. things seemed pretty normal, but I still had that gut feeling, and I ignored it.

one day I opened my laptop to reverse image search something for a friend, and something hit me...I could reverse image search the pictures he’d been sending me of himself. I started crying before I even clicked the search button because I knew what I was about to see. I was right. he used the picture of some 15 year old model from Portugal. before I even confronted him, I (somehow) sleuthed really well and found the model’s social media and sent him a message on all of it to let him know someone was using his pictures to catfish him. I'm not sure what he could've done about it, but I guess it gave me some satisfaction. he responded “ok”. 

finally I confronted James about it, and his first response was to tell me he wanted to delete his account and never speak to me again. he told me this was for my own good, since there was no way I could ever continue to love him after that. and for some reason...since I honestly had no one at the time...I told him to let me think bout it for a few days. I did, and I returned as if nothing happened. he still neglected to send me a picture after that, and I was pissed.

this was around the time of my first suicide attempt. with everything going on in my life, I couldn’t handle it. he was very scared, understandably, and I tried again a few weeks after the first. for this time, though, instead of being met with sympathy, he told me I was selfish and all i thought about was myself. 

around this time, he also started talking about how sick he was. I always knew he had a heart problem (he told me the specific name but I can’t remember now). he was afraid it was getting worse. whenever I had panic attacks, he would pretend his heart was acting up and leave.

now, I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD since around this time. I had started going to therapy after my second attempt, where I was diagnosed with a multitude of illnesses. one of them was PTSD and one of the triggers, though it has since been handled via therapy, was alcohol. he knew this, and one of the things he always told me was that he hated alcohol and could never drink it. this was good for my situation, as we did one day plan to meet up and get married (yeah, you don’t have to lecture me about that, I know, just keep reading). but one night, he got shitface drunk and told me all about how he had a huge crush on this girl that worked for his dad, and he really wanted to leave me because my depression and PTSD were too much for him, and he couldn’t handle me anymore. in fact, he kissed one of his best friends that night, a girl who he had been friends with for awhile and she always made me really jealous because he would talk about her so often. this sent me into a deep depression that literally took me forever to get out of. I was so hurt for many many reasons.

the next day, he asked me, as if it was no big deal, “so uh I know I told you about the girl Payton, can I leave now? I wanna go ask her out”

I just wanted to include that to note his lack of empathy. typing that made me mad all over, though it was FAR from the worst thing he did.

I didn’t talk to him for about a week, until he came back and said it was just a fascination with the girl and not a crush, and he really loved me. I foolishly said ok. 

one day, I was sitting on my computer, and out of nowhere, I got this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, as if I was going to vomit, and I spent 3 hours surfing youtube to see if the audio clips he sent me of song covers were even his. I have NO idea how I did it, but lo and behold, I found the channel of a guy with those song covers. I remember clicking on a video and hearing the first notes and vomiting all over my lap. I was so upset.

let’s just say I didn’t learn. I forgave him.

he finally sent me pictures of his face, and I was satisfied with that. he sent me voice recordings of him saying my name. I let everything else go, because he did what I asked him to do. still no Skype or phone call.

fast forward a bit, and when I was 17, our relationship was really waning. we wouldn’t talk to each other for days, and when we did, it was nothing of substance. on Black Friday, I went shopping with my friends, and I found the hair dye I'd been wanting to dye my hair for awhile, this metallic blue. I sent him a picture of the bottle and was clearly excited that I had found it. he sent back, “you’d look so ugly in that, I wouldn’t date you if you dyed your hair that color”

contrary to popular belief, I did not suck it up as I did all those years before. I said “ok, guess you don’t have a girlfriend anymore”. that night I went home and dyed my hair an electric blue, and that was a mistake as I didn’t mix the color correctly, but damn if I may say I felt really confident with that bright blue hair after that.

we talked a little bit after that, and he backtracked and said he liked the blue in order to get me back. the night before our 4th anniversary, he broke up with me. and I said “ok. I'm done”. I blocked him on facebook and went on my damn merry way. I was pissed because I never found out what I wanted to know, about who he really was, but I was so done with the years of emotional abuse and neglect from him, all the lies and the insults and the long nights with no sleep and missing school because he would ask me to so he could still talk to me. what a wanker. however, right before I left the account, he told me he thought he might have cancer. I said ok cool and continued on.

fast forward a year, I reactivate the account because I am bored and I wonder if he still has the account. he does. I send a message “hi”. this turns into a few days of talking. I was in college at this point, definitely healed from the wounds he created, though I'm still very insecure about the things he pointed out. finally, I asked him, “can I know the truth?” it took him an hour to reply, and he said “tomorrow. I will tell you everything”

now, that weekend, my roommate’s friend was in town, and I wasn’t sure how that was going to be handled as she was staying in our dorm and I knew if what he would tell me was bad, I'd probably not leave my bed for days.

the day comes, and the first thing he does Is send a voice recording.

typing this part out still hurts, as I never let myself cope with what he told me. the rest of the story is old news and something I honestly don’t care about anymore, but this part just happened 6-7 months ago, and I still can hardly breathe when I think about it.

James was actually...Daniela. she was a 20 year old girl from Mexico who liked to role-play on Facebook as men. she never told anyone about it, and for some reason, instead of just telling me the truth when we decided to talk outside of our role-play characters, she lied to me. she made up WILDLY elaborate stories. I knew I couldn’t trust this person the whole time I was “dating” them, but this was another level. if you’re doing the math correctly, she also lied about her age by a few years, and our age difference was one of the many things that gave me anxiety throughout our “relationship”. 

I literally didn’t get out of bed for 11 hours. my roommate didn’t know what to do with her friend, but eventually I got up. I ended up with my fourth suicide attempt (the third was not mentioned in this story as it was not relevant to Finn/James/Dani). she Brought up the fact that she had told me (as James) that she thought she had cancer and it was very true. she still thought she did.

the next day, she acted as if everything was back to normal. as in, when we were dating. calling me baby, saying I love you. I was so pissed. but for some reason, she sweet-talked me into feeling like this was normal, and for a few days, I even went along with it. until one day, I snapped, and blocked her on everything (at this point I had gotten her snapchat too). I wanted nothing to do with her.

I unblocked her on facebook a day later for some reason, and she sent me 40 messages about how I betrayed her. my last message was “fuck off. I hope you die”.

brutal, but that was the last correspondence I have with her. and I fucking mean it. I hope nothing bad bad things happen to her. I'm still heartbroken over it, though not surprised. 

catfishing is very real, and while I knew what was happening th whole time, that doesn’t mean what happened was ok. I'm WAY better now, but the experience left me with trust issues, severe insecurities, a fear of talking about my mental illnesses because I assume I'll be judged, and a fear of getting close to people.

so yeah. there’s that. sorry about posting, but honestly, this was so therapeutic.