#he claims not to like my music but liked hearing the record because it took him back

[v0rekeith]

neon christmas </3

[berrieluv]

Rocket Queen. 

eddie munson x fem!reader.

summary: where you're Steve's girlfriend but Eddie fucks you to record your moans and put them in their new song. (inspired in the legend where fans say axl rose was having sex in the studio with steven adler's gf)

cw. chating kink, breeding kink, creampie, dub-con(?)

Eddie Munson wasn't one for revenge. He prided himself on being the 'freak' back in his High-school times, but in contrast with his looks, he always tried to show a good image to his fans. More when he knew some teenagers (Dustin, by example) saw him as a role model.

He knew how important portraying a good image was for all the teens, but when Steve Harrington made mocking comments about his band, claiming he would never listen that kind of music, he felt... his ego felt hurt.

Corroded Coffin was very successful when that happened, so Steve's comment shouldn't bother him that much, knowing that kind of music wasn't for everyone.

Steve Harrington didn't have many things he enjoyed in this life, he worked for his parents in New York and he wasn't a fan of his job just as he wasn't a fan of Eddie's band music. The only thing Steve Harrington truly liked, was you.

"so... How do you record everything?" You asked, big bright eyes looking at Eddie with a smile planted on your face and Steve rolled his eyes, annoyed, because it seems that lately the only topic in their conversation was Eddie. "Is it cool? Like the movies?"

"Oh, is really cool, princess" Eddie started, smirking, and he could feel Steve's eyes trying to burn him alive "I could show you. I mean, the studio, you could go one day, sometimes the managers allow visits"

"It would be so cool!" You clapped, looking at your boyfriend with an excited smile and he couldn't help but give you one back. "I'm not a big fan of rock, I have to be honest" Eddie could say "But I'm always open to hear new things"

He smiled, and Steve's annoyed face only made Eddie feel better.

And that took you there. A quick talk with Eddie's manager and you were walking around the Label. Eddie took you to the room where Corroded Coffin recorded their songs, he explained to you the panel and showed you the instruments.

"I was working on a sad song, you know, something heartbreaking" He starts, and you look at him with a smile "You have any anecdotes?"

"No, I don't think so"

"C'mon, princess. You're telling me Steve has never break your heart?"

"He's not like that" you murmur.

Eddie chuckled and then looked at you dead serious "wait... so you don't know?"

"know what?"

"I– I shouldn't tell you, forget I say something"

But now you were left with this curiosity killing you inside, because what didn't you know?

"Tell me" you begged, looking at Eddie with doe eyes.

"I feel like I shouldn't. I mean, Steve's my friend..." That's not completely a lie "But, I've never been the kind to lie" That was in fact a lie "Steve brought a girl to the last party we had... The one where we celebrated the release of our new album"

You frown "But he told me he wasn't going to that party. He had an extra shift"

That was true. Eddie knew, and everyone knew. But he shrugged "He was here. With a girl. She was really pretty. Blonde, tall, skinny, I think she had a few works done but they looked good" You felt your heart drop at Eddie's words and looked at him, worried "Not that, not that you're not pretty because you are. You just have different kinds of beauty"

"What does that mean?"

"I mean she looked... wild you know, she dressed a bit like me, kind of" He smiles "But I like the way you dress too, I've always been a fan of those skirts you use... always wondered how would it feel to slip my hand under"

He starts, sitting on the chair in front of the recording panel and opening his legs, feeling like he owned the place and showing himself confident when you felt your legs starting to shake.

"Do you... do you think Steve slept with her?"

"Well, he did disappeared for a long time to go to the bathroom. A friend, who had a little crush on her, told me he lost her when she headed to the bathroom" He smiles "But, hey, I don't know, just... just silly observations"

You nod, your mouth biting your nails and feeling lost, because you couldn't think Steve was one to do that. Because he has never lie to you, and suddenly you found out he was not only where he said he wasn't but with someone else. Cheating on you.

Eddie took advantage of your distraction and took your bare leg with his big calloused hand "Don't think about it too much" He says, pulling you close to him "It's probably not true" Now his hand was really fucking close to your core "Maybe he wasn't even here and I mistook him for someone"

He knew Steve wasn't there. He send him a text telling him how sorry he was he had to miss the party, because yes, they weren't exactly best friend but they were rolling with the same group of people, so eventually they learned to deal with one another.

"You think?"

He just shrugs, sitting you in his leg, his hand caressing your inner thigh and slowly putting your underwear aside. "Eddie?" You ask, he just looks up at you and murmurs something "Whatcha' doing?"

"Just... just want to show you what I think Steve was doing... with that girl"

You frowned, but didn't complain, it was Eddie, who you learned was sweet, good Eddie. A role model for teens, and he was a friend of Steve, he couldn't try to harm your relationship, and it was merely superficial, thought you would like to remind your pussy that, because it felt wet. Like you haven't feel it in weeks.

"But you said he wasn't here" You pout. And Eddie tells you, again, he couldn't be sure. It was dark, and this was Los Angeles, there were tons of brown heads with pretty hair. "What if he gets mad?"

"You would figure out how to fix it, princess. Tell him it's not your fault. You were trying to solve a doubt, weren't you?" You nod and you open your legs more, Eddie takes your leg and puts it on top of his other leg, allowing you to be well open for him "Aren't you the best girlfriend? The prettiest too"

Eddie puts aside your wet panties and chuckles at your desperation, because this wasn't your boyfriend, and no matter how much you tried to play the morally-right part, you were horny, needy for Eddie's fingers.

You tried to move, allow Eddie to put his fingers inside of you instead of just circling your clit, but he had other plans, and he showed you.

"Baby..." He started "If you want me to show you what Steve did, you need to stop moving" And you nod, because in your head the thought of Eddie knowing exactly what Steve did was completely posible, and the fact that you were 'learning' the mistake your boyfriend committed was what allowed your conscience to stay still.

"Eddie I think I go–"

"But Steve took longer" he murmured in your neck, taking your hips with both hands, your core was touching against the fabric of his skinny jeans and he moved your body back and forwards.

"Eds–"

You cried, not knowing if it was because you wanted him to stop, or because you wanted him to keep going, at this moment you knew two things;

This was wrong.

This feels really, really good.

Your whole face felt hot, your body felt like it was about to burn in pleasure and your body moved so easily against the rough fabric because you were unimaginably wet.

"You like it, don't you?" He started, but you couldn't admit it, because it made you feel even guiltier. But he has never be more right in his life. You were loving it, your body was reacting in ways it hasn't with Steve. "Don't try to say no, princess. I'm seeing those tears, you're crying on pleasure. Your body can't stop moving against my thigh"

And it was true. You didn't notice when he stopped touching your hips but now your body was moving by itself, desperate to feel the friction against Eddie's body, maybe desperate for something more.

"Steve won't be–" you moan "He won't like this"

"What he doesn't see, doesn't hurt him, mhm?"

His finger starts circling your clit, moving around at a fast pace, adding two more fingers to his touches. "Up" he orders, and you happily obey, without thinking about it, you lift your body a little and he puts his fingers inside. "Ride me, would you? Ride my long fingers, baby. Then I'll replace them with ma' cock"

You whined, and you did it like a whore, happy to hear that instruction and wanting nothing more but to find your release in Eddie's fingers.

Your cum was leaking from your pussy, wetting Eddie's fingers completely and borderline jumping on them, and if it wasn't for his strong hand on your hip you wouldn't have any self control over this. The pleasure started to build in your belly, intense, your sopping pussy meeting Eddie's fingers over and over, making you scream his name, and beg for more.

"Eddie, we should stop"

He slaps your thighs and shakes his head, leaving a burning sensation in your skin, holding you when you came again in his fingers, and standing you up so he can unzip his pants.

"Dick would be cheating" you murmur, looking at Eddie's pink and hard cock. It wasn't as thick as Steve but it was almost as long.

"But you have to, princess" He pouts "I can see how needy your slutty cunt is"

You pout and shake your hand, knowing he's not lying, you can feel your wetness drooling from your thighs. Eddie doesn't care, he's taking your hand and your body, sitting you in his cock, slowly instructing you to go down. Not like you mind, of course, you couldn't complain. You weren't complaining.

"Fucking your boyfriend's friend, I see" He teases, smiling back at you when he feels your pussy clenching thanks to his words. "Cumming on other man's cock, aren't you? You get so wet at that thought I can feel your pussy begging me to keep it up. Such a dirty, dirty slut"

"M' gonna fill you up with my cum, baby. Steve's gonna wonder where you got all that cum from, what're you saying?"

"Don't know"

He smiles and takes your hips to make you move faster on his cock "Pretty dumb girl, you can't know, can you? You're just so pretty, so cockdrunk"

"Faster, Eddie" You cry.

"You' cumming again? Already?" He thrusts "Fuck, baby, if you cum that much and in so little I can see why Steve's obsessed with you, you make a man's ego grow big"

You moan and yell Eddie's name, your walls tightened around Eddie's cock. Eddie smiled at the sight of his cum drooling from your swollen lips.

You thanked you were sitting on Eddie's lap, otherwise you would've fall. When he cums, his hands slipped under your shirt, feeling a bit sticky from his attempts to clean your cum when he was fingering you. He thrusts deeper into you, making you see stars, and his movement were sending another building orgasm to your body.

Eddie's movements became more desperate with your moans, needing, wanting, to fill you up even more, his cock was twitching inside your sore pussy and he pulled out immediately after he came for a second time.

He took you in his arms and combed your hair, leaving what felt like an intimate forehead kiss and ordering you to see the mess you made on his cock and his jeans, your full pussy still tainting the fabric. A white, sticky mess leaking out of your pussy, now that his cock was out you were able to see just how much he cum.

"Did so good, princess"

"The song is really, really good" Robin mentioned back at Eddie's place, a few months after Steve decided to make fun of him. "Like the rhythm too much" She chuckles.

"Whose moans are those?" Steve said, looking at Eddie. "They... they really add to the song"

"A girl I met back at the last album release party"

"Sound familiar" he murmurs, and Eddie just smirked.

[satoruoo]

VIA VIA VIA HEAR ME OUT. secret santa b they get u and accidentally spill it / the big reveal…

(NOT SO) SECRET SANTA - aki hayawaka

summary: despite aki's best efforts to keep your gift a secret, his (stupid) roommates somehow manage to spoil the surprise.

genre: fluff, non-devil au, everyone is happy, crack

warnings: swearing, denji, f!reader, suggestive

notes: hope u like it babe !! this is my apology for the recent aki slander 😈🔥

now playing: rockin' around the christmas tree - brenda lee

"for the millionth time, do not tell [name] i got her, understood?"

denji and power sit crossed-legged on the floor, looking only half interested in what aki is saying. they're dressed in christmas gear from head to toe, heads swaying slightly to the christmas music coming from the record player.

power looks awfully happy with the pair of antlers that denji unwillingly brought her from the store after she threatened to throw a fit in the middle of the aisle. they're decorated with little bells, and every time she nods her head, aki can visibly tell how delighted she is from the jingles that they make. she now refuses to take them off.

denji's gone for a more traditional approach, sporting a santa hat with a light up pom pom at the end.

(the hat also says "ho! ho! ho!" if the button on the left is pressed, but denji had overused it so much that aki cut it open and took out the speaker. he then burnt the speaker. denji was told told it must have broken.)

"duh, i ain’t a snitch!" denji claims, saluting his roommate with a shit-eating grin. he would snitch, aki is fully aware of that. bribe him with a lollipop or a tit squeeze? done deal.

"why are we not allowed to tell her?" power asks, fiddling with rudolph's nose on her christmas jumper.

aki audibly groans, fingers working at his temples in exasperation. "because, it’s a secret santa. we aren’t supposed to tell anyone who we got."

power's face twists in mild disgust, "what is the point of that?! just give me my present now!"

aki rolls his eyes, raking his fingers through his dark hair, "because it builds the suspense, power. do you want to have all your gifts now and have none on christmas day?"

she seems to quieten at that, closing her eyes as she mulls over his words. after three agonizing seconds of her silence and aki wondering whether it'd be easier to just throw himself out of the nearest window, power pouts and nods.

denji dramatically sighs before aki can say anything further, slapping her twice on the back in an attempt to comfort her, "i feel ya, powey."

the girl mirrors the sigh, slumping against denji as she flips aki off with a scowl.

"you should thank me, human! i will not go and tell [name] that you have her!" she declares smugly, resting her body weight on the male next to her.

aki vaguely hears "ow, fuck! power, y’re crushin’ me! how the fuck are ya so heavy?!" and a loud slap that probably came from power as he walks away.

• . ✿ ° × . *.

aki really does try his hardest to keep the secret.

he finds himself slapping a hand over denji's mouth when he almost lets it spill, and shoving a piece of food into power's when the topic of the secret santa comes up.

it's only halfway through december. he doesn't know how much longer he can keep this up. he can tell you're starting to pick up on something fishy and it's beginning to stress him out.

"and so aki has-"

"what are you doing?"

power freezes up at the sound of aki's voice, head lifting from your lap as she scrambles to defend herself.

"nothing!" she says a pitch higher than usual.

your eyes narrow at aki who sends a subtle glare in power's direction before taking a seat beside you on the couch. you're immediately taking his hand in yours, rubbing the pad of your thumb over his knuckles to soothe his anger.

the man melts so quickly that it should be embarrassing, shoulders relaxing with a simple touch.

"she was telling me about secret santa," you fill in gently, "something about who everyone has."

power wishes she was dead.

the glare that aki gives her makes certain that she'll be banned from chocolates for at least a week. that's practically the same as death.

"was she now?" aki asks, an angry rumble in his throat.

the girl is looking at anything but his face; when had the wall become so interesting? look at that, is that a new vase? what are denji's pornos doing on the floor-

"why don't you tell both of us, power?"

before anything else can be said, she shoots up from her spot on the couch sweating bullets.

"meowy needs to shit!" is all she says before leaving the room at hurricane speeds. (if only she were that quick to close her mouth.)

you smile, turning to look at your boyfriend with a raised eyebrow.

"so?" you question, idly threading your fingers through his.

"so, what?" aki responds.

he can tell from the way a small laugh escapes those pretty lips that playing dumb isn't going to work.

"nothing, just a bad day." he tries, resting his head in the crook of your neck.

"you're snapping at power because of a 'bad day'?" you state, scepticism evident in your tone. "righhhht."

aki chuckles into your flesh, placing a chaste kiss there before pulling away. "yeah, that's all."

you press a kiss to his lips, tongue swiping over his. "sure, okay. i'll let you have this one, handsome."

the edges of his mouth tip up at the nickname and silent relief fills his veins at the clarification that you won't push the matter.

"thanks, love."

• . ✿ ° × . *.

aki swears on his life that he tries his hardest to keep the secret.

it's just that denji and power are not good secret keepers. they're a pair of loudmouths who are easily bribed. if not for your presence to keep him sane, aki's sure he would have strangled denji and confiscated power's antlers. actually, he's sure that if the gift he'd gotten you wasn't so important, he'd have let his roommates tell you already.

"makima, c'monnnn! i licked the floor so ya owe me a tit squeeze!" denji whines in a kneeling position on the floor.

going out for christmas lunch with you, his two roommates and makima may be one of the best and worst decisions aki's ever made in his life.

power still has her antlers on with a scarf wrapped tightly around her neck, you had to persuade her to wear it, as she makes fun of her friend. there are still remnants of the snowball fight he was forced to engage in on her coat, and her nose is pink from the one denji threw in her face.

denji is as desperate as ever - shame didn't seem to find a place in his vocabulary. his purposefully broken santa hat is still finding a home atop his dirty blonde hair, though the pom pom looks like it's about to give up and fall off.

you on the other hand look ethereal in his eyes, a smile etched into your gorgeous features. with every small giggle that escapes your lips, aki feels his chest constrict almost painfully, heart thumping loudly within his ribcage.

you're still holding his hand; you have been for the past three hours.

"only if you tell me who aki has for secret santa, denji." makima answers, voice silky smooth.

it's meant as a joke 100%. everyone else in the room, even power, understood the joke. curse aki for forgetting denji's inability to read social cues.

"he has [name]!!"

on december 23rd, the day before christmas eve, denji tells makima who he has for secret santa in exchange for a tit squeeze. typical.

there's silence for a while. no one really knows what to say. all eyes are on the dark-haired male who genuinely seems to be in the middle of a breakdown.

denji's all frozen up and fully ready to make a run for it if needs be.

"i already know he has me, though." you say, confused.

comically, multiple heads whip towards you.

"...you do?" aki breathes, annoyance towards denji disappearing as fast as it came.

"well if you didn't already know, you suck at keeping secrets, honey. i've known for ages."

part of him feels relieved. if you already knew, then technically he didn't fuck up. technically, it didn't even count-

"it doesn't take a genius to figure it out, you know."

"for real, bro. i knew ya sucked ass like in general but not at lying as well-"

denji will be dead by morning.

BONUS:

"your secret santa gift was an engagement ring?" power asks, mortified.

"what a shitty gift!" denji pipes up, "it's not even edible- ow!"

you chuckle, fiddling with the ring that fits perfectly around your finger as aki smacks denji's arm.

"really? i think it's a wonderful gift." you muse, "it'll last way longer than food."

"so what?! food stays in your tummy forever!" power argues with her hand pointing at her stomach.

"no the fuck it doesn't! ya shit it out, duh!"

their bickering falls upon deaf ears as aki steals a sneaky kiss from you.

"merry christmas, [name]. i hope we'll spend many more together." his cheeks are definitely not dusted pink as he says that. not at all.

[aclowntiny]

Hello 👋 I really love your writing like very very much 😊 ❤ 💖 if I can request can I ask for Ateez first "I love you " moment?? Like who said it first and the reaction ?? It's okay if you didn't though , i just want to tell you that you're amazing 🤗

Absolutely you can! Thank you so much love, that literally means the world to me 🥰🥰🥰 making things that people enjoy is my number one goal & hearing this is why I keep going 🥹 (also, I want one of those pearl teddy bears so bad 🥺 where's my man at)

First 'I Love You' With Ateez (Gender Neutral)

Hongjoong

It was date night. Nothing fancy, just a night in, but with a boyfriend like Hongjoong, even that was one of the most beautiful evenings you could imagine.

He squared off one of his building's balconies, draping the whole thing in fairy lights. He gathered an assortment of the most delicious hors d'oeuvres he could find, laid them out like art on a little table for you too, and finished it off with some of your favorite dessert from a little corner bakery you two had been dying to try.

You ate, you talked, just catching up on your days and your goals, Hongjoong’s free hand occasionally traveling across the table to run affectionately over the arm you had rested there. It brought a shy smile to your face each time, which brought a proud one to his in turn.

When your meal was finished and your conversation had lightened, Hongjoong rose from his chair, crossing your little paradise to a speaker, which he turned on to play some music. He made his way back to where you sat, stopping right next to your chair and extending his hand.

“May I have this dance?”

How did you get so lucky? “Of course,” you breathe, placing your hand in his.

He pulls you up, steadying you by the small of your back as his other hand slides out to hold yours. The music is soft, intimate as you sway together and gaze into each other’s eyes. Several songs pass like that, each blending into the other as Hongjoong draws your focus, expertly turning and dipping you, even stealing a kiss on one of them.

Finally, as one song ends, he speaks again. “There’s something I want to tell you.”

“Of course,” you whisper, daring not to break the fairy-lit magic of the night.

“I’m so glad you’re mine,” he says, and that’s when you know the magic will never break, not when you’re here with the man of your dreams, “you’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met. My hear, my muse. I love you, (y/n).”

Not a thought is needed before you reply that you feel the same, that you truly are his and only his. If you had any doubts, the smile he gives you shatters them completely, replacing them with the same butterflies he’s always made you feel as he pulls you flush against him. You’re barely dancing now, but neither of you care.

“What a beautiful night,” you gush.

Hongjoong turns, a hand tilting your chin towards him as he leans in all the way. “It’s trying to compete with you.”

Seonghwa

What did Seonghwa do to deserve someone like you? Someone who made him tea, sat with him while he built legos and recorded his ASMR, someone who gifted him with the greatest, most natural and unadulterated laughter accidentally recorded into said ASMR mic, someone who sent him the cutest pictures with encouraging words every day just because he was on your beautiful mind. How lucky.

With you, he felt...light. Euphoric. Like he was shown more and more sides of a big heart every day that you took care of him. And darn it if he wasn't going to be the one to take care of you, too.

He claimed the dorm kitchen, shooed any potential intruders out. Googled all your favorite things, made sure he wasn't missing a single bit of it. Called you and told you to be over for a surprise, that he couldn't wait to see you.

And tell you how much I love you, he wanted to say, but that was to come later. For now, he had work to do.

You arrived just as he finished, making the way toward the kitchen with widening eyes, first at the smell, then at the sight of Seonghwa laying out your favorite meal at the table, which was centered by a vase of your favorite flowers. With an exclamation of endearment you shuffled across the kitchen, jumping into his arms for a big hug.

"I know today was a long day," he told you, "so I wanted to surprise you. Make sure you didn't have to lift a finger for dinner after it all."

"Seonghwa, this is amazing," you breathed, making him smile with the way your body visibly relaxed, "I- I-"

"I love you," both of you said at the same time.

You felt your eyes widen, saw Seonghwa's do the same. Your hands shot up to your face in surprise, fell to reveal the big, gorgeous smile he loved being the cause of. Reaching out his arms once more, he pulled you into his chest, holding you gently there against his beating heart.

"Thank you."

"You're the one who did all this, I should be thanking you," you protested, though you made no effort to leave his embrace.

You feel his head shake on top of yours, the motion ruffling your hair a bit. "No, thank you," he insists, "you've just given me a much better gift. Now, what say we enjoy some dinner, hm?"

Yunho

Yunho knows he loves you when even a text from you changes the trajectory of his day. He knows he loves you by the way you know him so well, remembering every little thing about him. He knows he loves you by the way your smile is the first and last thing he wishes he could see every day.

He knows he loves you, now all that's left is to tell you. He asks you out to a nice dinner, and beyond your pleasant surprise at the proposed fancy outing, you don't seem to catch on to anything special. Yunho's just glad you can't feel how rapidly his heart is beating, even though he knows it's all anticipation. After all, once the decision came to his head, it was as natural as breathing, one of the easiest he's made- it feels right.

You walk into the restaurant dressed to the nines and the sight takes his breath away. It seems to show, and he's glad, because as his eyes land on you you give him the biggest smile, fondness and gratitude already present in your eyes. Yunho wants those things to always stay there when you look at him.

When he tells you he already ordered your favorite appetizer, you clap adorably. When he presents you with the bouquet and the pearl teddy bear, you light up even more, shining brighter than the crystal chandeliers adorning the ceiling.

"Yunho, this is all so wonderful- what is it for?" You finally ask.

He was going to wait until after dessert, maybe even until your goodnight kiss, but he's swimming in the highlights of your eyes and the opulent walls of the restaurant have faded out completely and he can't help himself. The moment is right.

"Because I love you," he replies simply, "no other reason than that."

You take his breath away again, this time by launching yourself half out of your seat and into his arms, crushing him in a hug he's happy to reciprocate. You're both warm, you're both giggling, and your scents are pleasantly mingled as you speak again.

"I love you, too."

Yeosang

Yeosang wasn’t sure what he was doing, but he was sure why he was doing it. Shifting the box in his hands, he reached one up to ring your doorbell.

Your eyes widened at the sight of him standing at your door, but your lips immediately curled into a smile that went straight to Yeosang’s heart. If he had needed any more encouragement, he’d just gotten it. “Surprise!” He exclaimed sheepishly.

Your eyes travelled from his down to the white box he was holding. “What’s this?”

“It’s a surprise,” he teased, “you have to let me in to find out~”

“Oh, right,” you chuckled, stepping out of the way, “I’m sorry. Please, come in, go set it down! I hope it wasn’t heavy.”

Even if it had been, it would have been well worth it. Your adorable look of surprise, the way your home smelled just like you- even if that was weird to say, it was true and Yeosang loved it. Resting the box on your table, he swiveled to face you, to reach for your hands at your sides.

“I wanted to share this with you,” he told you, nodding at the box when you gave him a confused slight frown.

“Alright,” you nodded back, eyes not leaving his, “what is it?”

Fumbling toward the table, his hands found the top of the box. “I hope you love it!” With a proud smile, he unveiled the most beautiful cake you’d ever seen. Pink and white ombré frosting was piped along the top and bottom and dotted with heart-shaped sprinkle. Edible glitter dusted the white top, which had gorgeous calligraphy swirled on top. I love you, the words read.

Your hands just shot up in surprise. “Yeosang, I… this is beautiful. It’s really for me?”

“Well, as long as I get a piece too,” he replied, giggling as he pulled you in closer by your hands, feeling his heartbeat pick up the longer you went without addressing the words, “what do you think?”

You finally peeled your eyes off the cake, and when they fell on him it gave him all the answer he needed, the dull thud within him crescendoing into a soar. Your gaze darted between the loving stare he’s giving you and a bit lower, sliding along his profile eagerly.

“Well, I didn’t prepare a cake, but hopefully this’ll do as an ‘I love you’,” you answered, one of your hands leaving his to find the small of his back, bringing him as close as you could get him as passionately kissed him.

He giggled again when you separated, one of his hands gently playing with your hair.

“You’re sweet,” you whisper, doe-eyed at Yeosang’s affection.

He leans in to press his lips to your cheek. “Speaking of sweet…”

“Yes, we can cut the cake now.”

San

Complete and utterly lost in you- that's the only way to describe how San feels. There are city lights and a gorgeous breeze and the smell of the sea all on different horizons of his little orbit, but they're barely perceptible in the face of your laugh, those eyes that San doesn't know what he did to earn such looks from. All he knows is that he wants to do it again and again in this life and the next.

You're warm at his side, an arm tucked in his as you stroll along the beach, another successful date in the books. You're telling him everything you love about the sea, how powerful it feels to you, how close to the very forces of nature themselves, and all San can think of is how you're describing is how his heart feels in the presence of yours. He can't keep this to himself.

"I know that feeling," he says.

You smile and his heart bursts all over again, his arm tightening just so around yours. Just enough to pull you a little closer.

"Right? The ocean is such a magnificent creation, it's just-"

"No," he shakes his head, "it's something far more beautiful."

Your eyebrows shoot up. "Oh? What's that?"

"You. You're far more magnificent than the sea could ever hope to be, and my heart feels just as drawn to the waves of yours."

Your free hand rises to your chest. "Wow. Is that from a book?"

He shakes his head again. "Just from me to you. Too much?"

"Oh, uh, no," you stutter, an adorable, just-barely-visible in the night's dim light flush dusting your cheeks, "I just wasn't expecting you to get so poetic."

"Neither was I," San laughs, reaching up to pinch your warming cheek, "but being in love makes us do funny things."

"It sure does," you agree, "like this."

Your free hand rises again, this time to smooth his hand over your cheek, holding it there as you kiss him. San releases his grip on your arm to pull you in closer by the waist, wasting no time in returning the passionate seaside kiss.

"No, seriously," he tells you as you pull apart, forehead resting on his, "I really love you."

Your gaze falters a little, but you smile wider and echo his sentiments as his hand finds yours, pressing them in their joined state over his heart.

Mingi

"Don't you want to finish the movie?"

Your whispered words tickle Mingi's cheek and the side of his neck as you lean down to his horizontal form. You two have a love seat to yourselves as Ateez hold their movie night, the film about halfway through now. Mingi, though, has just laid down, his head having drooped against you a few times before he stopped fighting it.

"Mm-mm," he shakes his head against the love seat cushions, snaking his arms against your waist to pull you closer into him, "you're comfortable. Better than the movie."

Having already been half laying down, you surrender, dropping completely to your side to assume the position as Mingi's little spoon. As soon as you've done that, though, he turns you around in his arms to face him, nestling his head in the crook of your neck and shoulder. Warmth rises to your cheeks at the feeling of his breath, leading you to exhale in a little chuckle as you reach around to hold Mingi, too.

"Well, good night, then," you tease, tilting your head to close your very tiny gap with a peck on his lips.

"Good night. I love you."

You briefly stiffen in his hold, leaning back to see if he's fallen asleep already, just saying whatever in his stupor. The moment you scan him, though, his eyes open wide, one falling shut in a wink. Suppressing a giddy laugh, you just smile, settling back down and snuggling even closer to him.

"I love you, too, Mingi."

Wooyoung

The stars hang high in the sky and everyone is fading fast save for Wooyoung and you, his other half. His better half, if you ask the rest of Ateez. The one who manages to simultaneously pump him up and calm him down.

Except right now, there's no calming him down-it's the last song of the night, but despite its many predecessors, your boyfriend is as hyped as if he'd just picked up the microphone. Grinning, you glance at the screen, expecting a party song, so surprise flits across your face when you see Wooyoung choose a song from a musical. He points at you with a wide smile, beginning an ostentatious, goofy comedic love song that has the other seven guys cringing and groaning.

You for your part just pick up a microphone and give it right back to your boyfriend, matching every sweep of his arm, finger heart, and ridiculous miming gesture as if you two had coordinated. He turns it into a skit, your singing melting into a very corny sung conversation that has your audience shaking their heads in amused exasperation. Only those two, you see their mouths saying, and that gives you a rush of joy. They may be embarrassed, but to you, it shows you that there's something special about you and Wooyoung.

He feels it too, clearly, as he grabs you and dips you the moment you finish your thought, sending a chorus of cheers soaring over you two.

"That was so much fun," he leans down toward you.

"It was," you agree with a big smile, gazing into his eyes.

"We play so well together," he continues, leaning even further.

"We do," you all but sigh, anticipation fluttering in your eyelashes.

"I love you." Your noses are almost touching now.

A fiery wave of joy crashes over you and you can't help yourself any longer, your hand finding the back of his head to tangle in his black locks and pull him all the way into you. Even more tired exasperation and mock-disgust sounds off around you, but beneath the dim purple light of the room and the dreamy red haze cresting your heart, you can't care less. They get a show.

"I love you, too," you whisper as your lips separate, Wooyoung's hand on your back gently raising you to your feet, where he wraps both arms around you.

Jongho

"Thank you for agreeing to this," Jongho says, turning to face you, to get a look into your eyes.

"Agree to this?" You snort. "You make it sound like some sort of procedure, not a date."

A smile rises to his lips. Alright, he'll give you that one. It did sound a little funny. "Well, not everyone enjoys going on hikes."

"With you, someone could sit us down and read us the phone book and I'd still have a good time."

Jesting as they are, something about your words strikes a cord deep within Jongho's fluttering chest. They're playful, but they boil down to a very specific essence what your presence is to him: comforting, the highlight of his day, easy, the joy of being in his element no matter what the situation, what went wrong, simply because it was you.

Should he say something?

"Well, come on!" Before he can, your fingers are intertwining with his, pulling him forward along the trail. Laughing, he picks up the pace behind you, stopping just as suddenly when you reach the trail sign and take a selfie with him.

Life with you is an adventure. Ugh, that sounds corny, Jongho thinks, but it's so true and he has to admit he loves it. No, not it. You. He loves you.

The hike is quiet, peaceful for the most part. Every now and again, one of you will point out a butterfly or a bent tree, stop to take a picture, crack a joke. No pretense, just the bracing air, the sunshine, and your hand in his. Jongho's heart is beating a little faster, but you aren't on a strenuous enough trail for him to play that off as exertion.

Soon enough, you reach the top, the trail bottoming out into a meadow of waving grasses dotted with adorable little wildflowers. Jongho stops to take it all in, but you run headfirst in, frolicking like a deer set free, and he can't help but smile and give a fond shake of his head as he follows you. When he reaches you, you've picked a mini bouquet of the tiny pink and yellow flowers, holding it so gingerly, clearly having the time of your life if your expression of pure joy is anything to go off of. Once again, it's like cupid's arrow is shooting straight into his heart.

"Isn't it cute? ...Jongho?"

He'd been staring off into space. Heck, he still is. You're not used to the dreamy look in his eyes, and it still feels new to him, but it takes him over anyway. "I love you."

Your jaw drops. "What?"

He blinks, snaps out of his love-drunk state a little, but all that does is return the words to his chest with a new fire. "I love you," he says, this time more loudly, firmly. Proudly.

You giggle, clutching your flowers a little tighter, still a bit giddy yourself. "And somewhere so beautiful, too?" Your eyes are shining more than ever, full of more love than Jongho had ever seen them shoot his was. "I love you, too. So much!"

The moment you turn around, he's ready to catch you, pulling you up from your hug until your feet lift off the ground and you give a little squeak of surprise. It's all a little corny, a little sappy, and yet as your foreheads, and then your lips, meet, all Jongho can think is how perfect it all is, how all he wants is to feel you in his arms.

[kumezyzo]

i talked about this very breifly in this post about meeting bf!sap for the first time but i really wanted to build on it. streamer!reader would be one of the very first people to meet dream irl and actually see his face. and this is all because of ✨️bf!sapnap✨️

ive given up on calling him sapnap during narritives cause it sounds strange. same thing for dream cause hes in this btw.

anyway, enjoy!... or dont :) m.list

bf!sapnap who picks you up from the airport.

you walk through the airport, trying to not psych yourself out too much. but its finally happening. youre finally going to be able to see your crush, now boyfriend... in person since youve started dating.

the sound of your suitcase is almost deafening as you leave baggage claim and make your way towards the exit. you pull out your camera and silently start recording.

you stay as silent as possible as its late at night, few people are scattered around but your excitement radiates loudly.

you look into the camera and give it a nervous excited smile before holding it at a lower angle in an attempt to hide it.

as you approach the exit, you see nick walking through the sliding doors. you subconsciously break out into a smile and turn the camera to catch his walking towards you with a similar grin.

you turn it back on you as you pick up the pace and suddenly colide with him, letting go of your suitcase and wrapping your arms around him tightly.

finally being in his arms was something you never expected to be so comforting. a feeling of warmth took over your entire body just being in his arms and knowing youre finally with him.

you two pulled away enought ot look at eachother. you both smiled as you looked into eachothers eyes.

"hi!" nick whispered with a goofy smile.

"hi," you say glancing down at his lips for second. it was almost too much being so close to him, you subconsciously looked away and reached for your suitcase.

bf!sapnap who drives you to their (dteam)house.

before he even pulls out of the airport, you two are screaming songs at the top of your lungs. the comfort you both had with eachother right from the beginning was refreshing to see.

as youre driving down the highway, confidently singing lyrics into your phone like its a microphone, nick takes a moment to watch you. an endearing smile on his face whilst you serande the camera on the dashboard.

it takes you a second to realize and when you do, you look at him with a confused smile.

"what?" you ask, pausing the music and glancing at the camera before turning to him.

"nothing," he said, turning on the turn signal and merging lanes. he looked over at you and giggled at the way you playfully narrowed your eyes at him.

bf!sapnap who leads you into the house and prepares you for the first time you see dreams face.

"i think you should just sit on the couch," nick tells you, holding your camera. you smile nervously into the lense and sit back on the comfortable cushion.

"are you gonna get him down here? do you want me to close my eyes yet?" you ask, trying to gauge how this would go.

"yea, I'll bring him down and tell you when to close your eyes," he says looking over to the stairs.

"okay, perfect," you nod.

he makes his way up the stairs and you look around silently, hearing indistinct voices. you look at the christmas tree and smile at the idea of not only finally getting to spend time with nick, but during the holidays.

"okay, yn, close your eyes," nick calls out from the top of the stairs.

"oh my god," you said nervously and cover your eyes with your hands. "shit this is actually happening?"

"why are you nervous?" dream asks with a laugh, both of their footsteps getting closer to you.

"what if i just never open my eyes. every time youre in the room, i just cover my hands," you joke, eliciting a laugh from the other two. "no, just tell me when."

"shit, give me a second," clay says, his voice sounding closer to you.

"wait are you in front of me?"

"yea, im right here." he told you, the smile audible in his voice.

"fuck... okay..." you take a deep breath.

"okay... open?"

you take another deep breath and remove your hands from your eyes. you look up and stare at him with a shocked smile.he looks at you with an awkward expecting smile.

"thats not what i imagined you to look like," you said looking between nick and clay with wide eyes.

"is that a good thing?"

"yes, dont worry! wait, can i hug you?" you ask standing up. clay laughed and wrapped his arms around you. "this doesnt feel real."

bf!sapnap who carries suitcase up to his room and asks you to cuddle with him.

"thank you for inviting me," you tell him, your head resting on his chest as you look around his room.

"of course... i mean, i really wanted to see you..." he told you nervously.

"it feels weird finally being here, you know?"

"yea, it actually feels like we're dating now," he smiles down at you.

"does this officially make you my boyfriend?" you ask him teasingly. you prop your chin up on his chest and smile at him.

"i dont know, baby. you tell me," he said, holding back a smile unsuccessfully. once again, your eyes glance down at his lips.

"oh, 'baby'? thats very bold of you sir," you said, readjusting yourself higher to get closer to his face.

"'sir'? maybe youre the bold one," he said, wrapping his arms around you, both of his hands resting on your waist.

"maybe..." you said, your voice barely above a whisper. you caught the way he glanced down at your lips, causing your heart to flutter.

you realized how close your faces had gotten when he let out a breath that fanned out across your face.

neither of you know who leaned in first but you were now sharing a soft kiss. both of your lips softly meeting.

the shyness of your early relationship shinning through the way your lips danced around eachothers carefully.

when you pulled away, he grinned widely at you, his eyes sleepy and hooded. you felt your face heat up and hid in the crook of his neck. he giggled at the feeling as his face slowly turned bright red.

this one might suck i dont really care. it was fun to write. and thats all that matters 😌 -Nony

[mywifeleftme]

363: R.E.M. // Murmur

Murmur R.E.M. 1983, IRS

Some Short, Disconnected Statements on the Matter of Murmur

1. Insert the following into Waring blender

The Velvet Underground, Pylon, the Byrds, Gang of Four, Patti Smith, the Feelies, Joy Division, the Method Actors, Big Star, the dB’s, the Monkees. Press “Blend” button. (I’ve never owned a blender; I don’t know what the buttons say.)

2. Easy formula for a great band

Having one temperamental genius songwriter guy sounds kind of hard to maintain. Have you considered simply getting four people who are really excellent and distinctive at the respective things they do (at least three of them great singers), who all write well, get along, lack substance abuse issues, have good taste, and modest egos? Why don’t more bands do this?

3. Notes on the early discourse

A lot of the things people wrote back in the early ‘80s to champion this band were dumb as hell. R.E.M. weren’t good because they didn’t use keyboards or synths; pop music didn’t need to be returned to its "honest" folk-rock roots; giving them a thumbs up for not wearing flashy clothes and makeup is dork behaviour.

They were good because they made weird music that derived organically from their time (early ‘80s), place (a college town in the South), and selves (bright, independent, adventurous, sincere, ¼ gay).

Anyone who listened to Chronic Town or Murmur, with their post-punky murk and lyrical references to Laocoön and Marat, and thought to themselves, “As yes, the second coming of Roger McGuinn, this will put those effete new wavers to flight,” was an idiot.

4. Veteran of the psychic war

Somewhere around age 22, R.E.M. took over the mantle Metallica had held as My Favourite Band in the World Forever and Ever, and I proceeded to be almost as annoying about them as I had been Hetfield and the boys. I posted a lot about them; rigged “best music” polls on random message boards I didn’t even post on in their favour; cornered people at parties; crowbarred them into playlists; grumpily chose to dislike bands I saw as stealing their shine; etc. etc. Some (some) of this is maybe cute in retrospect, but really: don’t be like this about music. If you love a band this much, learn how to play their songs on an instrument; write a few poems; paint something. Worst case: review them.

5. Learning nothing, 2024

6. Athens: Lyrics & Enunciation

The matter of what exactly Stipe was singing on the early R.E.M. records was a subject of intense speculation, and eventually, parody. Some of the mystery’s in the mixing, some’s in his Georgian accent, and some’s in his enunciation (never quite as mushy as people claimed, but not exactly Ella Fitzgerald either). But most of it’s in the arbitrary decisions he makes with regard to syntax that cause even accurate transcriptions to seem implausible. Stipe is probably a little bit autistic, which goes some way to explaining the impressionistic intuitiveness of his words, and also went to art school, which fetishizes that sort of thing, but he was always shy of people seeing the words to something like “Sitting Still” on the page because he thought he might be exposed as a nincompoop. “Up to par and Katie bars / The kitchen side, but not me in / Sitting top of the big hill / Waste of time sitting still,” goes the chorus, according to at least one gnostic sect, but the important passage is the one everyone agrees on, when the stream of impassioned babble releases into a howled “I can hear you / Can you hear me?”

Later on, when he would sing more clearly over airy arrangements, with the lyrics neatly printed in the booklet, he’d occasionally try one of those old sound-over-sense moves and embarrass himself (“Leaving New York was never my proud” still rankles). But Murmur’s eternal elusiveness is in the way fragments of sense catch your ear from out of its sleeptalk glossolalia:

“The pilgrimage has gained momentum” “Conversation fear” “Lighted, lighted / Laughing in tune” “Hear the howl of the rope / A question” “A perfect circle of acquaintances and friends / Drink another, coin a phrase” “Shaking through / Opportune” “Take oasis” “Heaven assumes / Shoulders high in the room” “Did we miss anything?”

7. Permission to be arbitrary

I remember sitting in the basement of my college house with my old hometown buddy Brad (mostly a metal/classic rock guy), playing him “Shaking Through” and explaining one of the things I love about old R.E.M. is that it’s great music to yell to. I don’t know how much he really got it, but we were drunk and it’s a catchy song, so we howled and made keening, wordless, Stipean noises along with it and the next few until one of my roommates came and asked us to keep it down.

Also: one theory for why cats purr when they’re injured is that the vibrations somehow reduce pain and encourage healing. From many experiences humming these songs while wrapped up in headphones and bedsheets in the middle of a day that’s passing like a kidney stone, I can confirm.

8. Note on the modern discourse: Influence?

Black Francis, Kurt Cobain, Bob Mould, Steve Malkmus, Bob Pollard, and Thom Yorke loved R.E.M. So did, to his own apparent consternation, Metallica’s Cliff Burton. Still, you sit down with someone and listen to those musicians with the goal of showing them the R.E.M. influence (don’t do this, why would you do this?) and it’s honestly pretty oblique. Most of the bands who directly aped aspects of R.E.M.'s early sound were at best pleasantly minor (see Captured Tracks’ Strum & Thrum comp), and the ones who seemed to be listening most closely to their ‘90s efforts were not who you want.

Their ultimate influence was probably simply showing what an art-first, indie-adjacent rock band could accomplish by sticking to their guns and bending the system to their desires instead of being bent by it. They were like a Velvet Underground for the college rock era, except everyone talented who heard them was inspired to start a band that didn’t sound much like them. They always used their spotlight to introduce people to other bands and, when they really got huge, they modeled how to deal with success. There don’t seem to be many R.E.M. stories, Peter Buck’s airplane incident aside, about them being anything other than kind. That’s a fundamentally less exciting type of influence than most other “great” bands have. But I do think it’s kinda cool they were the wise old heads for an entire national movement of alternative music.

8b.

Of course, it still bugs me people don’t think they’re cool. Murmur at least, should be considered cool. And Reckoning, mostly. Chronic Town for sure. Some of Fables. Am I crazy for saying some of Monster and New Adventures even? I’ll stop. I’ll go on.

9(-9). The music

They were a pop band, they were an art band; they sounded like children, and like craggy old men buried in kudzu weed; natural and pretentious; date-stamped and timeless. Decide yourself. Happy 41st birthday Murmur.

363/365

[jackinalex]

Would love to hear your thoughts on Glitter & Crimson. It’s about Jalex isn’t it

I really gotta stop mentioning things I'm afraid people will latch onto. Sigh. But tbh, I've been wanting an excuse to use my English teacher knowledge to analyze the shit out of that song in particular. If you took an AP English class, you know that it's 90% bullshitting you're way through claims and that is absolutely why I am who I am. This is so fucking long, dude.

I spent an embarrassing amount of time on this. Like I literally printed out the lyrics and annotated it like I was in college. But this is my shit, y’all. I love to analyze things. So, there’s a few different ways that I went about this: what the literary devices mean vs. what Alex (the liar) says the song means vs. the Jalex conspiracy theories that keep me in Delululand. Please scroll on if you don’t want to read about me being delusional about Jalex. Also, the very, very last of this is where we get into the absolute most delusional theory I have, so scroll to the bottom if that’s all you want. 

Let’s start off with what Alex has said about the song so that it can provide us at least a little context. Alex told Apple Music: “To me, this song is about two characters who are deeply in love, whose love is not allowed to be that by [a certain] society. They’re gay, and they don’t feel like they’re accepted in their own skin for who they are, or for who they want to love. It’s a cry out to seize that power back and saying, ‘No. You don’t get to dictate how we live our lives.’ Obviously, I can’t speak to that, being a straight guy, but I know a lot of people who live that experience every day. And it was something that felt very meaningful that I wanted to address for them because they can’t [in this way]. They aren’t songwriters.” This is less helpful context-wise, but he also told Kerrang: “This was dramatic to record (laughs). It was one of the last songs we wrote – in fact, it might have been the very last one. The record was almost done, but I felt like there were a couple of missing pieces. We actually went out to Big Bear [Lake, in California] – me, Jack, Zakk and Andrew. We rented a cabin and locked ourselves away for a minute. As we recorded Glitter & Crimson, it was one of those moments where we went, ‘Oh, thank god! We’ve got the thing that we were missing!’ I think the performance in the bridge is me almost knowing that it was the last take. It’s like when the director is about to call, ‘That’s a wrap!’ and everybody is like, ‘Holy shit!’ You feel that swell of relief and appreciation for getting through it.”

Most importantly, during the Wake Up, Sunshine Twitch Listening Party, Alex literally says he wrote G & C about Jack (starts at 1:36:26). Idc if he's joking, bro. It's good enough for me.

I guess the best way to go about the analysis is just to go lyric-by-lyric. Then, I’ll go a bit deeper into more of the bigger symbols. I want to preface this by saying that Alex probably did not mean for a lot of these things to mean what I’ve interpreted them to mean. And when I say I interpreted them, I mainly mean that I took what was given to me and recalled the connotations that these words carry (that was so wordy; idek if that made sense). 

It’s a typical story, three in the morning

You’re holding my head. 

To me, this seems fairly literal. Sitting with another person at 3 in the morning with them holding your head is really intimate. It could be after sex or just an intense conversation. I think that this is one of the lines that points toward this song being about a gay couple the most. I know he doesn’t specify what gender the couple is, but since Alex simply cannot write a song without inserting himself, I’m guessing they’re dudes. The holding my head kind of gives off that vibe to me, too. Anyone can hold anyone’s head, of course, but something about it just gives me the image of a guy holding a guy’s head. No matter how you spin it (head on the shoulder, head on the lap, etc.) it is super intimate, which means that this is a situation between two people who are very close. It’s vulnerable, too. There’s also the idiom “to hold something over someone’s head,” but I do think that the meaning here is literal. The idiom doesn’t make sense here. We gotta remember that Jack and Alex (and Zakk and Andrew) wrote this song together at a lake house. Every time I hear the opening lines, I think about Jack and Alex being together at 3 am in the lake house in one of those bedrooms, Jack holding Alex’s head. 🥺 

Caught in the tension, silent confessions

At the foot of your bed

The tension line could be in reference to the relationship, which we know is not accepted by those around them. It could also just be another reference to sex lol. I’m leaning more toward the former, though. I think the silent confessions depend on where the couple is at in their relationship. If they’re established, I think it’s probably a confession of love (like, we’ve been seeing each other, but I’m actually in love with you). But if it’s in the very early stages, the confession could be the confession of feelings. These two people are really close, so if they’re not yet a couple, then they’re definitely best friends. “At the foot of your bed” makes me think about sex again lol (specifically head because…Yeah). 

Glitter and crimson, fighting the friction

What a perfect mess

Glitter and crimson are massive metaphors/symbols in this song, so I’m going to hold off on going too far into that just yet. For now, we can discuss how the two are contrasting. Glitter is pretty and can symbolize the beautiful things in life (it can symbolize a lot of other things, too, which we will get to, promise). Crimson, on the other hand, often represents blood and violence (and a lot of other things, too), so this is one of the first instances of conflicting ideas and feelings. The two ideas come together despite being opposites. “Fighting the friction” could be another reference to tension, whether it’s conflict brought about because of societal pressure, or sexual tension. It could even be both. 

While I know that Alex definitely wasn’t trying to reference pride or the history of it, the mention of glitter was an excellent way of doing so. Glitter has a rich history with the LGBT community. It is tied with queer nightlife and the performance arts of drag, burlesque, and cabaret. In the past, it was a way to signal queer identity to other queer people, a practice that some people use to this day. It was also used as a kind of beauty and/or gender defiance when men were ostracized for presenting femininely and women were ostracized for presenting masculinely (Dorwart). Overall, glitter can also symbolize fakeness, materialism, greed, treasure, and excitement. In the instance of the lyric, I tend to think that the glitter is representative of the beauty of the situation, but also having to hide the relationship (the “characters” are being fake by hiding their relationship. 

While crimson can symbolize blood, violence, anger, warning or revenge (which is what I believe its main purpose is with the lyric), it can also represent vigor, passion, love, and courage. I definitely think that love and passion are an important part of this, too. Every facet of this relationship is intense, whether it be a negative or positive thing. This is also hedging into Delululand, but crimson (it’s called red in the flag, but the shade is definitely crimson) was one of the colors of the original pride flag, representing life. I’m certain that Alex was not thinking of the pride flag when he wrote this song, but there are so many references that he did accidentally that this song could be a gay anthem tbh. 

With the “perfect mess” line, Alex has given us an oxymoron and another example of contrast. The two words are technically opposites, but when they come together, they create a new meaning. In the narrative, this refers to the relationship feeling so good and right to the guys, but not allowed by society, those around them, and even maybe themselves. If we look at it through a Jalex lens, the “mess” could easily be the conflict between them having feelings for one another and the pressures of the band and their friendship (a very classic fanfic trope for a good reason). There’s a lot to lose if things don’t work out, so there’s a very real question of whether pursuing a relationship is worth it. As we’ll get to later, it definitely seems like it is to them. 

I wonder if you feel kinda like I feel

Temporary

These lines feel fairly literal to me. To feel temporary means to feel impermanent or uncertain. I think that both could be prevalent here. I also think that those feelings pertain to both the relationship and just their lives in general. It feels like the relationship can’t last because that’s what society tells them, and the uncertainty comes from not knowing if they even want it to (because they too are influenced by society). Alex has always written a lot about existentialism and these two lines strongly evoke that concept (which, to me, is more proof of the song being written from his perspective vs some “character” but we’ll get into more instances of that later). 

Fixed on a moment just out of focus

And we can’t quite see 

Being us ain’t good for us

I put these three lines together because they finish out the first verse and because there is significant enjambment, too. The first line is literal in the sense that the two characters (air quotes) in the song are trying to imagine what a good life together could be like, but they’re struggling too because that future seems so impossible (as we see with the second line). However, “and we can’t quite see” also brings into the second idea here. They can’t see the future and it also seems like being themselves and together isn’t good for them (probably because it’s dangerous for a lot of queer people in the world, even still). That leads us into the chorus, which is where we get to the cry out of the chorus. 

And I don’t wanna wait till the sunshine fades

And bury our love in a shallow grave 

Sunshinesymbolized happiness and life, so by the sunshine fading, that has to do with the beauty and goodness of the relationship wearing off (whether that be due to societal pushback or just conflict between the two guys). Sunshine is also what the yellow represented on the original pride flag. Again, I do not think that Alex ever intentionally referenced the flag, but…Anyway, it could also just be a little wink to the album itself “Wake Up Sunshine” or the song on the album. That song is also about existentialism to a certain extent, though it’s directed toward someone else and not about the narrator’s issues with it. Meanwhile, typically, shallow graves are done hastily by criminals (not always, but that’s what it is most associated with) because they don’t take much time or effort to dig. Alex (and Jack; Jesus, I keep forgetting he helped write this song) probably chose to pair these two lines because they almost have the same amount of syllables (11 vs. 10), but it’s also possible that he chose this specific phrase because being gay was a criminal offense for years. A shallow grave also indicates urgency and haphazardness, which would mean that the burial would probably be unplanned and quick. The narrator (Alex) is clear about not wanting that. 

Cause the world could be cruel to us or

We could live for the dangerous so

Let’s start, let’s start a riot

Just like a few lines ago, I included these three together for the enjambment. The first line is straightforward, supporting the idea of society being unaccepting to the couple. When we put it with the second line, it’s reiterating that though the world is cruel, they could live for it instead of being afraid of it. When we pair the second line with the third, the narrator is saying that he wants to stop being afraid and instead embrace and fight for what he and his lover have. It is impossible for me to ignore the term “riot” being used here in a queer context because the first pride was a riot! I’m sure most of you know about the Stonewall riots, but if not, here’s a bit of background: there was a small dive bar in NYC called the Stonewall Inn, which LGBT+ frequented. In an article entitled "The First Pride Was a Riot: The Origins of Pride Month” for American University Washington DC, Patty Housman writes: 

 At the time there existed outdated “masquerade” or “cross-dressing” laws that suggested a “man” or a “woman” must be wearing a certain number of clothing items that matched the gender on their state-issued ID. The police took advantage of these laws to raid drinking establishments and arrest transgender and gender non-conforming individuals. Just after midnight on June 28, 1969, the police raided the Stonewall Inn like they had many times before. Only, this time, something unusual happened: Stonewall patrons fought back.

There are conflicting stories about what actually happened, but essentially queer people fought back against the police brutality that had been plaguing them for quite some time. They were targeted, attacked, humiliated, arrested, and even worse, and they were fed up. Since this event took place in June, we now celebrate in America every June. And again, I’m sure that Alex and Jack didn’t intend to reference Stonewall, but I’m deep into queer theory now, so there’s no going back. Sometimes meanings can appear in works without the original composer even realizing it. Long story short, the riot is a way to take power back, whether it be the metaphorical riot in this song or the proverbial riots at Stonewall. And since this is supposed to be a queer song that references a riot, Stonewall must be discussed. 

Hard to sit still when your head’s on fire 

Oh, oh yeah

The saying “my head’s on fire” means that one is stressed or overwhelmed. However, “your head’s on fire” indicates that someone is lying. Therefore, I think this line has a dual meaning. I think that it references both here because a) the narrator is frustrated with having to hide his love from society, but it can also indicate that they’ve been lying (i.e, hiding their relationship). “Hard to sit still” calls back to the riot idea. It can be difficult to sit idly by when you know for sure that something is wrong. The narrator is tired of sitting around and hiding their relationship. 

‘Cause I’m a supernova 

And you’re my four leaf clover

These two symbols are the most important (besides glitter and crimson) in the entire song. This is entirely metaphor; there’s nothing literal in these two lines. The narrator compares himself to a supernova, which is the greatest explosion humans have ever seen. They are the “extremely bright and super powerful explosion of a star.” Supernovas signify destruction and renewal, so the narrator is seeking a new beginning of some sort. On the other hand, four-leaf clover have always symbolized luck, but they can also represent protection and the uncommon. Traditionally, each leaf of a four leaf clover signified something different: hope, faith, luck, and charity. Therefore, the narrator sees his lover as somewhat of a good luck charm. He’s different from others, but he’s everything to the narrator. 

This is where I get the most Delulu, so just keep that in mind as you’re reading. I’m now going to argue that the supernova represents Alex and the four-leaf clover represents Jack. I’m not pulling this completely out of my ass, I promise. Alex is obsessed with space. He brings it up every chance he gets and if you listened to Full Frontal, you know how annoying it could get lmao. Point is, the man loves some fucking space, okay? To Alex, Jack has always represented goodness. Nothing sums it up better than his birthday post for him here. He literally sees him as a “bright light in this weird world” and loves him “times a million.” But there’s been countless instances of Alex singing Jack’s praises (and even more of Jack singing Alex’s). This last tour, Jack’s been spending every moment trying to make Alex happy and keep him laughing, and ya know, Alex can lie all he wants and say that “Kill Ur Vibe” isn’t about Jack, but it absolutely fucking is, even if he doesn’t know that. Alex sees himself as a supernova and Jack as a four-leaf clover. Jack is not only a rarity, but also just a constant sign of goodness in Alex’s life and that, my dudes, is fucking beautiful. 

There is also a specific species of clover called crimson clover. I doubt that Alex thought about this while they were writing this song, but when I started working on this analysis, it occurred to me that I’d heard the two phrases before in a Lana del Rey song. And if you guys know Jack, he loves Lana. In “Venice Bitch,” she has a line that says, “Me myself, I like diamonds//My baby crimson and clover.” This line is a reference to the song “Crimson & Clover” by Tommy James and the Shondells. It’s a song about the potential for loving someone and what a relationship could be. I don’t know if there was any thinking about this song during the writing of G & C, but it’s interesting how the two songs are essentially about the same thing (just in different contexts). G & C is about the potential for loving someone and what a relationship could be, but through a more cynical lens (at first). The use of the ampersand in both songs is curious, too. I don’t doubt that Alex is aware of this song, but I don’t know that it had much of an influence on it. I do love the idea that Alex wrote about crimson and clover in the same song for Jack (who loves Lana) or even that it was Jack’s idea in the first place. It’s just cute. 

Crimson clover doesn’t have a ton of ideas associated it with it, but some people tend to see it as a sign of growth, resilience, love, and affection. The latter two are probably related to it being red and I would assume that the Tommy James and the Shondells song helped with that connotation, too. It’s the growth and resilience that really intrigues me, though. They grow throughout the winter, which is fascinating and definitely lets that resilience ring true. If we’re to link those concepts to the song, the narrator believes that their relationship is resilient and growing, maturing in a way that it necessary for them to thrive. Winter can symbolize hard, rough times, and so the narrator views their relationship as troubled (whether it be because of the way they’re viewed or because of their own issues), but resilient and able to survive the difficult times. 

Time to stop being insane about the last two lines and get into the second verse and bridge. 

Heavy as ever, light as a feather 

I’m caught in between

“Light as a feather” is a common idiom (and synonym) for having very light weight and/or being light and free. Here, the narrator is contrasting the feeling of being free and light because they’re so happy with their lover with the fact that he also feels “heavy,” which means hard to endure or emotionally taxing. When used literally, heavy refers to something being hard to carry because of its weight. So while the narrator is happy, he is also sad and probably anxious and unsure because of the oppression he and his lover are facing. The second line is telling us that verbatim; he is torn between focusing on being happy with his lover and the negative feelings associated with their sexualities and relationship. 

Hard to stay focused, process the progress

How long can we be

Happy if happy ain’t meant for us 

This calls back to the lines before it. Again, it’s hard for the narrator to focus on how happy the relationship makes him because of how bad society and oppression makes him feel. “Process the progress” probably means that it’s difficult for him to focus on how much their relationship has grown because of how anxious he also is. Progress is also a term used frequently with LGBTQ+ issues. We use “progress” to describe how things have improved for queer folks in the last few decades. I think the narrator could be referring to that, as well, that it’s hard to look at how much progress has been made as a society when things are still bad (especially for trans folks). The second and third lines see the narrator expressing his anxiety again. Yes, he’s very happy with his lover, but society is constantly telling him that they won’t work out, and he’s worried that some part of that is right.

Cause being less ain’t good enough

But being us feels good to us

To be less means not as good or esteemed as someone else. In this sense, I take it as the narrator saying that he has been suppressing part of himself (his sexuality and relationship), since to suppress part of yourself makes you “less,” in a way (I hope that makes sense). Essentially, if you’re not presenting all of yourself, part of you is missing, hence “less.” The narrator says that being less isn’t good enough, which I take as meaning that not being their full, authentic selves is not enough, and by enough, he means he doesn’t want to settle for hiding their relationship in the way that they have been. And besides, with the line, “being us feels good to us,” the narrator is expressing that being with his lover feels right despite all of the anxiety he feels. 

I’m skipping the chorus, obviously, so let’s get into the bridge. 

No compromise, no second best

There’s no stopping now, this weight on my chest

This is the beginning of the cry out in which the couple takes their power back. No compromise means no more suppressing themselves, which reminds me a lot of the old idea of gay people being allowed to exist and be with their partners at home and in LGBT+ spaces, but nowhere else. The narrator is saying that he’s not doing this anymore. This could be what “second best” is, whereas the best situation would be where they are accepted and allowed to be themselves everywhere, though I do wonder if second best could also refer to the concept of “playing straight,” which is where queer people date only people of the opposite sex in order to fit societal norms. People have historically done this to stay alive. It’s not as common anymore, but it’s definitely something that still happens. This could be a reference to the men dating (or even marrying) women in order to hide their sexuality and not ruffle society’s feathers. 

The narrator is putting an end to whatever the compromise and second best are, though. He’s going to be open and honest with himself, his lover, and the world, and that’s what the “no stopping now” refers to. He’s done pretending and making himself lesser to make other people comfortable. “The weight on my chest” is the huge uncertainty and anxiety of his relationship. He’s getting rid of it. It could also be anticipation, though, which would be the anticipation of taking his power back. It’s an important, hard thing that is going to change the course of his life forever. 

I won’t settle down, won’t settle for less

I won’t settle for less, I won’t settle for less

I think this is pretty literal. The narrator is not going to sit down and be quiet (and thus, hide his authentic self), and he’s not going to settle for anything but being his authentic self. I do think that the “won’t settle down” could be read as an allusion to Stonewall, since the queer folks that protested those three days were constantly told to just calm down for many years before they finally fought back. “Settle down” could also be a reference to playing straight since settling down often entails getting married to someone of the opposite sex and having children (*I look into the camera like I’m on a mockumentary*). This could also mean that the narrator is not going to be with a woman to appease society. They utilize parallelism (and thusly, repetition) here. Repetition is almost always utilized to emphasize a feeling or idea, create rhythm, and/or develop a sense of urgency. I definitely believe that the use of repetition here is used for emphasis. Not settling is an important theme of the song. Parallelism is also used to create emphasis, but also to create flow between lines, which is always necessary for songs. I’m sure there’s probably more literary devices in the song, but I doubt you guys want me to go too much farther into that lol. 

To sum up, the song is rich with metaphors and allusions (even if Alex wasn’t aware of the latter when they were writing it). I think it has the potential of being a great queer anthem. I don’t know that it will ever become that, but all of these possible references to pride and Stonewall are so fucking good (even if it’s just from happenstance). This may make me totally fucking insane, but I can’t ignore the fact that Alex wrote this song with Jack at a cabin in Big Bear, the album was released, and then like eight months later, Alex and Lisa were split up. Then, like another month passed, and Alex was living with Jack. I’m aware that I’m delusional, but this isn’t even me speculating; I’m just reporting events in the order they happened. Take that as you will. 

Works Cited 

Dorwart, Laura. “Inside the Fascinating History of Glitter and Gay Culture.” Byrdie, 15 February 2022. https://www.byrdie.com/history-of-glitter.

Patty Housman. “The First Pride Was a Riot: The Origins of Pride Month.” American University Washington D.C.,10 June 2022. 

“What Is a Supernova?” NASA, NASA, 23 July 2021, spaceplace.nasa.gov/supernova/en/. 

[fagcrisis]

here's a fun fact for today's lucky 1000

you ever hear this song?

which i could not insert as audio, despite having downloaded the file

you might not have! despite its apparent popularity at weddings, and in the 80's (to the point where its inescapability was parodied in a new yorker cartoon) today was the first time i had ever knowingly listened to it. im a fan, for the record.

johann pachelbel was not one of the great composers we studied in school, and history was not kind to his work. thus, his Canon was lost to time until being written down sometime in the 1920s, but for some reason i am unable to discern from wikipedia, it was not recorded until the 40s.

a 1968 performance of the piece brought it to the public eye, and it was an immediate success. that same year, a greek band called aphrodite's child released a baroque rock cover of it (its kind of incomprehensible lyrically but it's fun) and not long after a spanish band called pop tops also did a cover of the piece, called oh lord why lord. i like this one better personally

it only grew more popular after this. carl sagan used it in his series cosmos: a personal voyage, it was covered by countless bands and topped the charts in various renditions year after year. it's no wonder that a pop music producer pete waterman described canon as "almost the godfather of pop music because we've all used that in our own ways for the past 30 years". he claimed kylie minogues i should be so lucky was based on pachelbel's canon.

probably the most famous example, at least the one i knew of, is green day's basket case. in this song, the chord progression pretty much follows that of pachelbel's canon.

other songs that are apparently based on this piece are: - all together now by the farm - go west by the pet shop boys - C U when U get there by coolio - dont look back in anger by oasis - memories by maroon 5

its really entertaining to listen to pachelbel's canon in full, and then listen to all these songs. its very similar to the emotion you feel when you are able to recognize the wilhelm scream in a film.

a look behind the curtain of the author: i already took my sleep meds but shot out of bed to google the lyrics to basket case by green day bc it was stuck in my head and i couldnt remember them. this lead me down a rabbit hole and now i have wasted a precious melatonin gummy

i compiled a youtube playlist of every song wikipedia lists that was based on pachelbel's canon, for your listening pleasure

sources used for this post: - Wikipedia pages on: basket case by green day, pachelbel's canon, pete waterman, kylie minogue, australia, organ (instrument) - youtube videos: linked in post - discord: opened to see that my friend miro has anime girl hair vents

[beautifulpersonpeach]

BPP, I keep going back to 2022 festa and can't believe nobody saw this coming. Did RM really hate the music they were making? Did he hate himself for so long and we never saw it? It breaks my heart to bits to imagine them suffering like this. I find myself hating HYBE more and more for forcing them to remain in the band. Who knows how else the company has been controlling them behind the scenes. I think people who called out HYBE when Dynamite was released were right. BTS need to leave BigHit and show they won't be controlled by anyone. Who do you think was behind BTS' break decision? And if your answer is military enlistment then why didn't they mention it in the festa dinner?

**

Rewriting this answer three times because Tumblr glitches kept deleting the whole thing…

Hi Anon,

I let your ask sit for some days before answering, because my first instinct was to just link their Festa Dinner and ask you to watch it. But I don't think that would be very helpful. So instead I’ll just share a different perspective of what a healthy working relationship can look like, because that’s essentially the crux of your question.

In K-pop (and the Western music industry), it's normal for idols/artists to be at odds with their company. SM Entertainment for example probably holds the record for the most number of lawsuits idols have filed against an agency, and if we take a look at the proportion of people who are fans of SM groups within the wider k-pop fandom, I'd guess they'd account for almost 50% of the whole space - there's a lot of them. So when k-pop fans default to thinking BTS must be constantly butting heads with their management in a way that's detrimental to the guys, these k-pop fans have seen a lot of examples and have a whole industry's worth of reasons to think so.

The kicker is, for anybody who actually follows BTS and their relationship with Bang PD and HYBE, especially for the last five years, they'd know it's unlikely to see a massive fallout such as the sort seen with EXO, happen with BTS.

[ Consider how when BTS renewed their contract with more than a year to go in 2018, it was highlighted they negotiated their contracts without even having lawyers present, just to express how amicable that process was.

Consider how when JTBC in December 2019 claimed BTS was planning to sue BigHit, it was ARMY out in front asking for receipts while the rest of the industry and other k-pop fans took it as a given. Less than 24 hours later when BTS members, their parents, and BigHit released statement refuting that report and JTBC had to publicly apologize, k-pop fans were confused, and many netizens were surprised that rather than attack BigHit when the news broke, ARMY had gone after JTBC seeking receipts and asking for whatever actual verifiable information the media house had to base their report on. ]

It's possible to read and hear about BTS disagreeing with their company and not think they're about to file a lawsuit. Imagine any other scenario where people would hear, "we were not all in agreement about doing this song [Dynamite] at first", and think that the guys involved were coerced and exploited into the decision. Based on what they all said during the dinner, the boys are very heavily involved in the direction their music takes. Their own opinions on the songs they're making helps determine the output, and naturally by now, they'd be used to navigating their various viewpoints on a song alongside their producers and this is even more so for viewpoints on their career. Wouldn't all this extremely unlikely to happen under tyrannical management? Think about it. This is a perspective I think is obvious, but in some parts of the internet this is a perspective that earns me the label of 'company stan', since it’s hip to be anti-capitalist in the 21st century and it's a fact corporations are evil, employees have no free will, and contracts are soul-bound so people have no room nor ability to maneuver around while in them.

But even then, in business and corporate settings, compromise happens daily and it doesn't mean any of these adult men are being mistreated, coerced, or controlled by a nebulous corporate entity. I don't think you have nearly enough information to determine they need to leave their company.

I've rambled a lot so I'll try to be brief and say the rest of what I think in point form.

"Who do you think was behind BTS' break decision?"

BTS.

- RM. Edited transcript of the Festa Dinner. Translation credit: @/winterlyblooms

And this is before we consider that the boys had planned to take a break before 2020, before Dynamite. Their sentiments in Map of The Soul: 7 were alarming the first time a lot of us in the fandom heard them, because unlike prior years, those sentiments were more explicit and were laid out so clearly.

We know how involved they are in making this music, so then we had to wonder: if they were really tired, if they really feared they could lose direction, if they were really losing their love for this.

BTS had planned to tour every corner of the planet they could get to, "burn like crazy then crash", Jin would go to the military by the end of 2020, and they'd focus on their solo music.

But then the pandemic happened, their tour was first postponed, then cancelled. They had planned to expand their reach worldwide by going on their biggest tour yet, but when COVID made that impossible, they switched strategies and instead decided to target the largest music market in the world: the U.S. Dynamite exploded and the Korean government postponed Jin's expected enlistment date. That year, BTS also became the first k-pop group in history receive a Grammy nomination.

So BTS gave it another whirl on Butter/PTD with RM hoping that in the meantime, maybe he'd be able to figure out a way forward for the group. But he couldn't and it makes sense that he couldn’t. These are adult men, many of whom have become artists in every sense of the word, they have an identity and need an outlet. They each need an opportunity to showcase who they’ve become, and they need to experience the challenge of being on one's own to grow in any real sense. In my humble opinion.

*

“And if your answer is military enlistment then why didn’t they mention it during the dinner?”

My answer isn’t military enlistment though I think it’s definitely a factor here. BTS were initially due to begin their service by end of 2020, before their government modified that law on their behalf given their accomplishments. It’s entirely reasonable for BTS to not talk about it during the dinner. Aside from the fact that the subject of enlistment is besides the point, mentioning it would only distract from the issues the boys were trying to communicate. I mean, we’ve all seen the fallout in Korea from the Festa Dinner without BTS mentioning the military. All it would’ve done is add fuel to the bonfire of pundits, commentators, and K-pop fans prone to ‘discourse’ picking these boys apart just to spread the exact opposite of what the boys actually mean, for the rest of the population to dissect them further.

*

"can't believe nobody saw this coming."

I don't think anybody knew they'd talk about it and announce it during the Festa dinner, but practically all of what was discussed during the dinner are issues many ARMYs were well aware of. Just see the first link in my pinned post. So while it's true 'nobody saw this coming' in terms of the specific timing, many in the fandom had been expecting this news for some time. BTS have been talking about their career in terms of 'two chapters' since late 2019 and every Vlive RM has done since December 15, 2019, has touched on the issues discussed during the Festa 2022 Dinner.

*

"Did RM really hate the music they were making? Did he hate himself for so long and we never saw it?"

These are two very different questions but the short answer to both is no.

*

All this to say, Anon, you're free to feel however you feel about HYBE. It's a corporation that does as corporations do. The last two years have been really something of an anomaly for BTS. I think everyone can agree on that note, but the reason why the last two years seemed so weird is what BTS explained to ARMY during Festa. If all you got from that was the narrative of Draconian top-down control over BTS to the point they are neglected, abused, and otherwise mistreated, to the point they need to leave the company... that narrative has no basis in reality, certainly not for the last 5 years. And the 2022 Festa Dinner (and everything that’s happened since then) is one of the best examples why.

[teal-skull]

My will be done - thoughts and first impressions

Oh my Satan, I was not expecting PW to drop any new music for a while because Sainted by the Storm earlier this year and because new album hasn't been released. (And it seems that this also isn't a sign for a new album coming, which makes sense because PW often takes couple of years between releases)

Okay okay, back to the song.

The intro is sick as hell! It took me back to the moment I heared Raise your fist, evangelist for the first time. Short strokes of guitars, orchestra, big choir singing in latin with Attila leading. It gave me this pseudo-spiritual feeling.

I love how low the guitars were right before the solo part. It really gave the song this evil, threatening (almost satanic) feel. Kinda reminded me of Kreator's Satan is real

Generally speaking the song applies the classic powerwolf song structure

The orchestral version is cool! Althought I feel that it's simbly the symphonic track of the song separated. (Yes I am longing for the early orchestral versions which were actually re-recordings with Attila singing opera because OPERATIC ATTILA PERKELEl!)

NOW the instrumental version on the other hand- that's the shit!

The song seems to be about an egotistical ruler, or as in the music video it is said, emperor who uses religion to justify his power if not even claiming to be the highest religious authority ("Sainted be what I say")

Beyond that I'm not gonna really analyse, although I will say that "With hearts awake create the highest tower" is an interesting lyric.

About the video

I really like how the first shot is a close up of Matthew. It feels to forshadow the story where he comes to conquer Attila the emperor

honestly, I laughed when the dancer came because it was so out of tune with the rest of the video like please, can we not? (though it does call back to dancing with the dead video)

[bilbobagginsomebabez]

swift just will not give the kanye/kim thing a rest. and she has GOT to move on. like Kanye's a fucking mess but swift was still the dickhead in that situation. it was straight up a situation of miscommunication that swift turned into a feud.

first and foremost, rap is not known for respectful language. it's a genre of aggression and claimed power; beefs between rappers and diss tracks are embedded into the culture of rap for a reason. the diss track is a demonstration of claimed power. i don't know why it needs to be stated, but kanye was obviously working within the norms of his musical genre. TAYLOR IS AWARE OF THIS.

kanye breaks those norms slightly to call taylor and both warn her and give her an opportunity to workshop the diss in an upcoming track. this is EXTREMELY POLITE. she herself said she would never expect him to run lyrics by her and that she deeply appreciated him reaching out.

when she hears the line, the second concern she expresses is "I thought it was gonna be like 'oh this stupid dumb bitch.'" this is in context of asking whether she has a preference between the word choices of "still might have sex" or "might owe me sex." why might she owe him sex? because he 'made her famous.' taylor was fine with this on the phone call, said "that's not mean" and "It's even kind of a compliment." kim and kanye took that to mean 'don't insult me' and apparently Taylor meant the specific word bitch. or at least she said that's what she meant, two years later with more than enough time to review the recordings and find an angle.

in rap, i honestly think that bitch counts as a third person pronoun that points towards aggression; aggression being a fundamental energy that rap taps into and explores. there are a hundred million thinkpieces already about how common the word "bitch" is in rap. i do not think i've heard a single rap song that didn't include the word bitch at least once in YEARS. if I were a rapper, i wouldn't think twice about using the word bitch in my lyrics. i doubt i would even realize that someone could be upset by the word itself rather than the diss that surrounds it. and I don't know what other word I'd use to maintain the aggression and flow. "made that girl famous" (no aggression). "made that woman famous" (too many syllables). "made that ass famous" (she has no ass). we can and should have a conversation about the misogyny inherent to rap and how it's wrong that bitch is so common, but it sure as shit is not a personal attack on anyone. it's a genre convention. a genre convention worth criticizing, but a genre convention all the same.

so kim and kanye assumed they were adhering to her wishes and the addition of one (genre-appropriate and extremely common) word wouldn't fundamentally or significantly change the stanza. (my bias: straight up agree with them. weird white woman shit right there where being called a bitch is like the Worst thing that could ever happen. she never moved past early 2010s girlboss feminism.) in this specific case of lyrics, i literally think kanye was attempting to be more respectful rather than less. he could have said that she OWED him sex for making her famous (actually concerning from a feminist perspective). he chose instead to say that she may consent to having sex with him out of gratitude for making her famous. I genuinely think the lyrical implications regarding her autonomy are why kanye went with "might have" and "made that bitch famous." rather than "owe me." he's mentally fucked right now, but he was never actually stupid.

so she says either lyric is fine, implies she doesn't want anything more insulting with "stupid dumb bitch" as the example of too far, and at the end of the phone call, both of them seem to feel respected and valued and on good terms.

then the song came out, and swift's fans automatically went up in arms. which changes the landscape, as a hoard of millions of angry people are wont to do. kanye mentions being afraid of them in their conversation about the lyric, and i think taylor feels the same way after her 'but daddy i love him (my fans made matty healy dump me)" bullshit i see the swifties whining about. what's obvious is her fans create her reality. she says something like "once enough people say something about me, it becomes true" in her little PR princess 'im so sad without a constant influx of adoration' documentary where she cries in her mansion after telling people to vote blue. enough people were apparently saying the lyric was offensive that that's what became true. she felt the risk of their ire by saying she had agreed and hadn't seen a problem, so she starts publicly focusing on the specific word "bitch" and how she had specifically worried about being called a bitch. in her mind, CLEARLY Kanye had called her to find out what would really bother her and purposefully insert it into the song. not even worth considering that Kanye used what is likely one of the most common words across all rap songs.

so let's talk go back to the FIRST concern she expressed. "I'm like this close to overexposure." That's what actually happened. The diss track came out, generated too much negative attention, tipped her into overexposure, and her PR damage-control response was to play up white woman victimhood and pretend that a rapper using the word bitch in a song is a shocking, immoral, and profoundly disrespectful act maliciously directed specifically at taylor. it could not possibly be a genre convention if it's actually a direct attack on her, a misogynistic attempt to silence her.

that's racism babes! first by refusing to recognize that it IS a genre convention, and then, instead of criticizing a genre convention across the entire genre, she took it as a personal attack and is STILL berating the musician's EX-WIFE about 5 years later. not the artist himself who wrote the lyric and is responsible for his music. his ex-wife who fled their marriage fearing for her life and is desperately trying to move on. that's taylor's target. that's who she wants to attack. presumably because that's who she knows she can hurt. it's like she wants to permanently punish kim for releasing the tape of their conversation and rub it in--'I declared a man Bad and you supported him, so you deserved it when he hurt you. aren't you happy you fought for nothing? i am. your kids are gonna sing my songs about how you deserved it." I cannot stand kim kardashian, but the sheer satisfaction taylor expresses towards a woman being domestically abused is profoundly disturbing.

i don't really think it would be possible for me to dislike taylor swift more at this point. this is supposedly one of her most personal albums or whatever, a poetic confessional of the "torture" she endured that led her to alcoholism and struggle. and what we get is some of the most petty and disgusting sentiments a billionaire white woman can express. we get gems like "how dare my fans question me for dating a racist" and "someone i had an argument with 5 years ago was abused by her husband and i'm happy about it :)"

i will leave this at what I believe is the most honest distillation of taylor swift's personhood and worldview at this point, in her own words:

[cyarskj1899]

he deserves it

‘It’s Britney, B**ch!’ X App Users Flame Justin Timberlake After ‘Toxic’ Singer Airs Out Wack Blaccent

MadameNoire Featured Video

Pop sensation Britney Spears has the internet hollering after she called out her ex Justin Timberlake and his phony blaccent in her latest memoir. Black X users also applauded her for recognizing that “Fo’ Shizzle” originated from Black folks.

The “Sometimes” hitmaker released her memoir, The Woman in Me, Oct. 24, dropping spicy deets hidden from public knowledge — from the conservatorship and her family to romantic relationships. Actress Michelle Williams narrated the audiobook.

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X users clowned the “Rock Your Body” artist, and these were the best responses. You can hear Williams narrating the Ginuwine ditty below. The actress’ imitation of JT’s blaccent was an eye-opener.

Track 14 in the audiobook version of The Woman In Me left the internet in shambles. Spears claimed Timberlake’s former group, NSYNC, differed from other ’90s boy bands like Backstreet Boys (and Westlife) because they hung around and tried to fit in with the Black artists while the other white groups stayed in their lanes. The “Slave 4 U” singer stated people used to call NSYNC “So Pimp.”

“His band, NSYNC, is what people back then called ‘so pimp,'” she said. “They were white boys, but they loved hip-hop. To me, that’s what separated them from the Backstreet Boys, who seemed very [conscious] to position themselves as a white group. NSYNC hung out with Black artists. Sometimes, I thought they tried too hard to fit in.”

Spears then recalled when Timberlake took her to a town in New York, unfamiliar to the “Baby One More Time” star, and they ran into R&B icon Ginuwine. According to Spears, the “Cry Me a River” singer had no shame in putting on a spurious blaccent. 

“J got all excited and said so loud, ‘Oh yeah, fo’ Shizz, fo’ Shizz, Ginuwine. What’s up, homie?'”

It’s unclear if Ginuwine responded to Timberlake’s foolishment, but he did walk away.

X users took jabs at the musician who had profited off Black culture even before his NSYNC disbandment by posting old photos and clips of ’90s Timberlake to back her allegations. From his cornrows to his adopting a more urban accent, the receipts did the job!

One X user shared a clip from an NSYNC HBO special that aired in July 2000, where Timberlake did a beatbox session while dancing around the stage before the band dove into “It’s Gonna Be Me.”

X users clowned the “Rock Your Body” artist, and these were the best responses. You can hear Williams narrating the Ginuwine ditty below. The actress’ imitation of JT’s blaccent was a hilarious eye-opener.

Timberlake profited from dousing his music, fashion sense and style with elements of Black culture.

It’s no coincidence that Timberlake transitioned from singing bubblegum pop in a boyband to making pop-R&B hits and accumulating an over $200 million net worth. Right after the accusedculture vulture disbanded from NSYNC, he started his solo career and released his debut album, Justified. Tracks on the record were written and produced by well-known producers like Timbaland, Pharrell Williams, Chad Hugo and Brian McKnight. Additionally, Timberlake donned cornrows to complement his new urban sound. Amid his attempts to “woo” the urban crowd, the Memphis native stayed silent on Black issues.

For example, after Janet Jackson’s jaw-dropping wardrobe malfunction at the 2004 Super Bowl, over 540,000 complaints were sent to the Federal Communications Commission. Jackson received the brunt of the nation’s anger despite Timberlake being the one who exposed her breasts.

The “Rock Your Body” hitmaker apologized for the incident years later.

Sent from my iPhone

[the-gc-record-club-blog]

MONTERO (LIL NAS X)

Selected by Taco

OCHIENG’S TAKE

Favorite Song: Scoop

Spit Yo' Game/Talk Yo' Shit: I recently watched a clip of Vince Staples where he talked about superstars in rap, and a lot of what he said boiled to the fact that artists nowadays more often than not are selling moments and moving product more than they are actually moving music. If you look at the newest generation of musical entertainers, there’s arguably no one better than this Lil Nas X. Now I say all this to say that I didn’t really vibe with this album unfortunately, I obviously don’t know his creative process and I’d hate to try and pigeonhole anybody especially since his claim to fame was a genre bending smash hit. But a lot of the songs in this album to me felt they were engineered to try and cover as many bases instead of catering to Nas’ strengths. The standout tracks to me felt like the tracks where Nas had the most fun, “DOLLA SIGN SLIME,” “SCOOP,” and “INDUSTRY BABY” fall into this category. But nonetheless I still respect Nas as an artist, provocateur, and entertainer immensely and can’t wait for his next moves.

Lit-mus Test: 🔥(and a half for good measure)

VANESSA’S TAKE

Favorite Song: Industry Baby (ft. Jack Harlow)

Spit Yo' Game/Talk Yo' Shit: The context for my review is that after the roaring success of Old Town Road, most of my engagement with Lil Nas X's stardom was via his star presence, rather than his music — he's cute, seems very interesting and approachable in interviews, he's hilarious on social media, and by the by he releases a lot of bops that I like. Despite this, I wasn't able to really get excited about a full album; those biases are mine to grapple with. In the spirit of record club, of course I listened to MONTERO in full many times over, but I couldn't get into it and had forgotten most of the songs when the time came to write this review. Undeniably Lil Nas X is a good singer and rapper; he hits some powerful notes on both MONTERO and SCOOP - which, of the songs I didn't know before spinning the full album, is my favourite and nearly took the crown as my favourite song. Yet, I do think this time around the best songs were in fact the singles and the rest left me feeling a bit underwhelmed. If HOLIDAY was on this album I would've added a full flame to my rating because I absolutely love that song. Also, give me a Deluxe Edition without Jack Harlow on INDUSTRY BABY!!!

Lit-mus Test: 🔥🔥(and a half for good measure)

OBELLA’S TAKE

Favorite Song: Scoop

Spit Yo' Game/Talk Yo' Shit: So I just gave this album a re-listen in the gym today before writing this here review. And there is actually something to the whole "voice of a generation" thing when you consider that this album is definitely made by a queer Black kid who was a teen in the 2010s and played Rock Band while keeping up with undergound rappers on Soundcloud. Yfm? And for that alone it cements Lil Nas X as a pop star and in fact, yes, an Industry Baby (zing!). It grabs from a lot of different genres and makes enjoyable bops in each space. It grounds Old Town Road as less of a genre-bender and more of a genre-lender, but still I feel it is representative of how young montero is taking on the music industry and pop culture scene as a talented and versatile artist. It speaks to my overall feelings on the album that even though I really enjoyed my re-listen it didn't result in any of the songs going back into the rinse & repeat playlist (though I considered Scoop again, alas I beat that song into the ground the first go around). It gets a solid rating but it's def not 5 stars imo. However I look forward to how Lil Nas X is gonna grow with time. An Industry Toddler might make something CRAZY who can say?

Lit-mus Test: 🔥🔥🔥

CALVIN’S TAKE

Favorite Song: Dolla $ign Slime

Spit Yo' Game/Talk Yo' Shit: Lil Nas X might be one of the best people alive at generating a "let me stop and see what's going on over there" moment that I actually want to hear about -- at a popstar level (insane degree of difficulty IMO). Usually, they're media / pop-cultural, the type of things that make people say "they should teach this in schools!!!" lmao. But I think this "moment" approach applies to his music too, and that happens to be the subject of today's class. I enjoy X's music the most when he squeezes out those little moments of life on record. "I'm just trying to be the dailyyyy....SCOOP!" has me doing air basketball finger rolls at random. "He don't run from nothing dawgg, get your soldiers, tell em that the breaks is ovvvvveerrr" makes me feel like I'm trying to wrap my arms around a rocket that just launched from wherever the NASA folks go when they're not WFH. As much as I rooted for it, those bursts of energy are few and far between on this album, for me. I genuinely feel guilty about pigeonholeing a person and artist who is so full of creativity, fluidity, and the future -- but I want way more Nas X where he's rapping. GIVE ME A SONG WITH NICKI NOW, though I'm sure he could never have predicted how Onika would be moving in Big 2022. Because rap can be too confining, maybe just more instances where he's on a song that has the same kind of bite as the Daytrip produced records. One thing that unites the two songs I referenced (and my favorite, "Dolla Sign Slime") in my mind is that they KNOCK, and I personally feel that is a better representation of the urgency of the message that Nas has within him. Even if I never get what I want though, I'll still always have my ears open for whatever moment is next from him.

Lit-mus Test: 🔥🔥

[fmhiphop]

10 Labelmates Who Became Enemies

Kodak Black and Jackboy have had beef on and off the past few years.  Just recently, Jackboy responded with a diss track to Kodak’s EP, Closure.  Jackboy and Kodak were “best friends” and Jackboy is signed to Sniper Gang, Kodak’s record label.  This is not a strange thing in hip-hop.  There have been numerous times where rappers on the same label have dissed each other.  Let’s look at some of them. 10. Megan Thee Stallion and 1501 Megan Thee Stallion and 1501 Certified Entertainment have been feuding for a while now.  She claimed the label was preventing her from releasing new music.  She filed a lawsuit against Carl Crawford, head of 1501 claiming she was only paid $15,000 by them.  Carl Crawford claims Megan started to keep her financial information from the label after doing a deal with Roc Nation.  He said that was a tactic to try to get him to renegotiate her deal.  Recently, Meg was at a concert where she put her middle finger up during a song where the lyrics are “I’m the 1501 queen”.  Their beef is still unsettled. https://twitter.com/bandobritt/status/1536569972188762112?s=21&t=a9w66QW5OujmeUiEHy1rcg 9. Kanye West and Consequence Consequence was already apart of Kanye West’s G.O.O.D. music label.  He appeared on tracks with Ye on The College Dropout and Late Registration.  After his absence in the G.O.O.D. Music Cypher at the 2010 BET Awards, Consequence made a diss track towards Kanye called “Man Purses”.  He claims Kanye did not help him with his second album with the label causing him to feel that they weren’t brothers.  Later, Consequence claimed that he wrote a lot of Kanye’s lyrics on The College Dropout.  In 2015, they patched things up as Consequence worked on Kanye’s album, The Life of Pablo. https://twitter.com/defjam/status/1087856319212777472?s=21&t=a9w66QW5OujmeUiEHy1rcg 8. Drake and Tyga Tyga and Drake were both on the label Young Money for quite some years.  In 2014, Tyga called Drake “fake” when he did the cover story for VIBE magazine.  He mentioned he didn’t get along with Young Money, Nicki Minaj, or Drake.  Tyga adds that he likes Drake’s music, but just doesn’t like him as a person.  Chris Brown is his close friend and Drake, and Chris Brown were feuding at the time. Drake responded by liking a few of Blac Chyna’s pictures on Instagram, the mother of Tyga’s son.  Tyga then took a few shots at Drake on “Make It Work”.  Drake stayed on Instagram and posted a photo with Kylie Jenner, Tyga’s fling at the time.  Then Drake went to the booth to drop “6 PM in New York” that included some lines for “Rack City” rapper.  In 2016, Tyga said he and Drake were on good terms because of Kanye West. https://twitter.com/prdnuk/status/524946506550640640?s=21&t=a9w66QW5OujmeUiEHy1rcg 7. Jeezy and Freddie Gibbs Freddie Gibbs was signed to Jeezy’s CTE record label in 2010 after making the XXL Freshman list.  Two years later though, he revealed he was no longer with Jeezy.  He even put out a few diss tracks including “Real”.  Jeezy dropped his single “Therapy for My Soul” where he spoke on the situation with Freddie Gibbs.  He says he couldn’t trust Gibbs after he invested in him and adds that he isn’t “gangsta” at all. After hearing the track, Gibbs hopped on Twitter to poke fun at the Atlanta rapper, saying BMF put him in a headlock and posted a video of Jeezy dancing.  Jeezy claims that when Freddie was with CTE, he put him on songs with T.I. and Eminem, took him on tour, and paid for his music videos.  When it was time to go to the labels to get Freddie a deal, no one wanted to sign him, so Jeezy cut ties with him over the phone.  Recently, Freddie said he is interested in clearing the air between them two. https://twitter.com/bobby_0511/status/1404717632679464963?s=21&t=a9w66QW5OujmeUiEHy1rcg 6. Wale and Meek Mill  Meek Mill & Wale were leading the charge for the Maybach Music Group in the 2010s.  Along the way, Meek Mill felt that Wale was hating on him as his album was about to drop.  He went to Twitter to vent his frustrations about his D.C. labelmate.  Wale responded on Instagram with a photo and a lengthy caption stating he supports Meek but doesn’t feel Meek’s support.  The boss of MMG, Rick Ross, stepped in and said both artists were on the phone, and everything was “all love”.  A year later, Wale discussed Meek’s beef with Drake on The Breakfast Club where he said Meek brought a “pencil to a gun fight”.  Meek didn’t like that and let Wale know through an Instagram post as he berated him.  Rick Ross stepped in again and now the two continue to make millions together. https://twitter.com/supacindy/status/1179106793890418689?s=21&t=a9w66QW5OujmeUiEHy1rcg 5. Gillie Da Kid and Lil Wayne Gillie Da Kid and Lil Wayne were both on Cash Money Records.  He left the label in 2003 over disputes with money with label heads Birdman and Slim.  Lil Wayne decided to diss Gillie on the song “Problem Solver” in 2006.  Gillie retaliated by making statements about Wayne and Birdman being frauds in street DVDs.  He even appeared in some videos with Wayne’s Squad Up members who weren’t too happy with Lil Wayne either.  Gillie finally responded to “Problem Solver” with his own diss over the “Cannon” beat.  A beat Lil Wayne rapped over on his Dedication 2 mixtape with DJ Drama.  They traded diss songs once again after that.  Today, when they see each other, they greet each other and that’s about it. https://twitter.com/lilwaynehq_2/status/1526699081531154433?s=21&t=a9w66QW5OujmeUiEHy1rcg 4. Eminem and Royce da 5’9 In 1997, Eminem linked up with Royce da 5’9 to form the duo Bad Meets Evil.  They made a lot of songs together and Royce was on Eminem’s debut album, The Slim Shady LP.  Shortly thereafter, Royce’s manager made comments about Dr. Dre in 1999 that Dre didn’t like.  Dre cut ties with Royce and his manager leaving him and Eminem to be disconnected.  A few years later, Royce Da 5’9 gave Eminem a freestyle for the ‘Anger Management’ mixtape.  Eminem took one of Royce’s lines on the freestyle as a diss.  D12 dissed Royce and Royce dissed D12, which ultimately led to Proof and Royce fighting one night at a nightclub.  Proof was killed three years later, slowing down the beef.  They continued their beef on and off again, but today Eminem and Royce da 5’9 have no issues. https://twitter.com/tmz/status/1237264453269442560?s=21&t=a9w66QW5OujmeUiEHy1rcg 3. Cam’ron and Jay-Z Dame Dash named Cam’ron president of Roc-A-Fella Records, to which Jay-Z was not aware of.  Jay-Z deleted Cam’ron’s verse on the song “One For Peedi Crakk”.  Cam’ron then decided to take Jay-Z’s verse off the “Oh Boy” remix.  Cam sent shots at Jay-Z on his song “Let Me Know” in 2000.  As Dame and Jay-Z were feuding, Cam’ron took Dame’s side.  He made another diss track at Hov called “You Got to Love It”.  After Jay-Z released his album, Kingdom Come, Cam’ron and Jim Jones dissed him again on “Kingdom Done”.  The beef continued for a while but was recently deaded. https://twitter.com/rondollaz/status/1561650790678282242?s=21&t=a9w66QW5OujmeUiEHy1rcg 2. Ice Cube and N.W.A. Ice Cube was the lyrics to N.W.A., simply a poet.  He was smart too as he was the first one to scope out how Easy E was the only one getting paid.  Cube left the group and started his solo career, to which N.W.A. didn’t like.  They dissed him on their EP, “100 Miles and Runnin” and Cube retaliated on his song ‘Jackin For Beats’.  N.W.A fired back and that’s when Ice Cube made the infamous “No Vaseline”.  This attributed to the breaking up of N.W.A. https://twitter.com/jbutler_7/status/1001641937307398145?s=21&t=a9w66QW5OujmeUiEHy1rcg 1. The Game and 50 Cent When 50 Cent was brought in to help with The Game’s debut album, tension started to rise.  After helping write Game’s biggest singles on the album, 50 felt the label was focusing all their attention on Game after they pushed his album back.  The Game was on HOT 97 and said he was going to do a song with Nas, who at the time was beefing with 50 Cent.  A few days later, G-Unit went to HOT 97 and declared Game out of the group.  Game came down there while G-Unit was on the air and a shootout took place.  Game then disses 50 on “300 Bars N Runnin” and 50 retaliated with “Not Rich, Still Lyin”.  They went back and forth over the years, and they are still not cool today. https://twitter.com/fullsendpodcast/status/1542596200960073728?s=21&t=a9w66QW5OujmeUiEHy1rcg   Written by: Brandon Simmons Read the full article

[hpoxfordprogram]

Traveller, Not Tourist

~by Sayonee Das

After 3 months, 11 cities, 6 countries, and 4 classes, it’s safe to say that this summer has felt like the longest and shortest summer of my life simultaneously. Despite being wholly exhausted from it, the Oxford Summer study abroad program is an adventure I will never regret embarking on, mostly because of the experiences and memories I’m leaving with. 

As an international student, I’ve always felt comfortable being away from home and being a tourist, visiting different countries across the world. But this program definitely pushed me beyond previously unexplored limits. I’m an introvert; making friends and new connections was never an easy feat for me — also, may I mention that having a group of 56 other people with me at almost all times for a month was incredibly draining to begin with. Yet, slowly, we became closer over discussing art (children holding a goose, anyone?), music, embarrassing pronunciations of French words (spoiler, it’s ron-dey-voo, not ron-dezz-vooz), singing Sweet Carolina on the bus (BUM BUM BUM), and ranking our favourite cities that we’ve been too — almost everyone said Prague, can you blame them?

Me and some friends in the National Theatre, Prague, Czech Republic.

I would have said Prague too, but Paris took the cake for me. Not only had I wanted to go there since I was a wee little child, but also because I took French in school for seven years, which allowed me to overcome the language barrier, practice my French IRL, and connect with the Parisians more than my friends could (I definitely flexed on them during our time in Paris).

Us at the Eiffel Tower!!

I did not only bond with the people in my group but also attempted to connect with as many locals as possible, like with the Parisians. In Germany, this consisted of me learning how to ask, “can I please pet your dog?” in German —say “kann ich bitte Ihren Hund streicheln?” — and going up to locals.  I don’t think I’ll ever forget that phrase. We pet so many dogs in Germany, but sadly the number of dogs dwindled to very few in the other countries we went to.

 During the travel portion, Dr Kemling and Dr Scibelli (my art and music history professors) redefined what it meant to be a traveller, not a tourist. Before this trip, my travels consisted of going to the most popular sites, eating at restaurants that served supposed traditional food, bought souvenirs from vendors claiming they had the best price. I’m not going to lie, I did do a little bit of touristing. But more than before, I explored the cities on foot without a solid plan, leading me to the cutest restaurants with authentic food and locals lined out the door, underrated monuments, independent souvenir shops with unique mementoes, and farmers’ markets with the freshest locally grown fruits and original antiques. Looking back, being a traveller was actually better for both my pockets and experiences. Regardless of what city we were in, fully grasping the city’s vibes by chatting to locals in bars and at shops was my favourite part. I can’t see myself being a full tourist over a traveller ever again. 

Coming out of the travel portion, I found my tastes for travel are more refined - I crave authentic experiences and living like a local in every country/city I visit. Moreover, I now have a greater appreciation for art and music. I’ve begun to place art and music into the greater history of humankind and analyse every art piece I see. Group 2 has a running joke that Dr Kemling had made up all the artworks he talked about in class. Obviously, after the surreal experience of seeing those pieces on display in all of their glory in museums in person, our speculations of art being real were confirmed. 

The Raft of the Medusa, by Théodore Géricault at the Louvre. My favourite painting!

Same with music; I’ve heard recordings of ballets, operas, and jazz pieces on Spotify, but hearing them in person was a whole other experience. Especially seeing Onegin in Prague from the most perfect seats.

Onegin, by Tchaikovsky at the Prague National Theatre.

After the five weeks spent travelling, I feel like an entirely new person because of these globally engaged experiences, the biggest change being my transition from a tourist to a traveller. I was sad to see these five weeks end, but our six-week adventure at Oxford was just beginning.

While other people decided to continue their traveller adventures over the three-day weekends we had, I was exhausted from not getting many breaks and not exploring one city fully. So, I decided to spend the next six weekends in Oxford and London. On weekend one, we went to the 50th Pride festival in London, and I consolidated what I’d learned about humanity over my travels. Transcending languages, religions, and any other disparities in culture, love is a constant. I’d seen it in owners and their pets in Germany, tourists sharing a bottle of wine in Rome, a man complimenting his girlfriend on her new earrings in Venice, and especially at Pride. London Pride has always been one of the largest in the world, so I’m incredibly grateful that I got to experience it for the first time here.

At London Pride, July 1st, 2022!

Unlike in other cities, I didn’t spend much time doing all the touristy things in London. Instead, I took the tube (chewb, if you will) regularly, visited local favourite restaurants, exaggerated my already existing British accent, and went to so many West End productions — living like a true local. My favourite West End production was ‘Back to the Future, the Musical’; I would give anything to go back and watch it for the first time. Everything about it was magical, and it was an experience I couldn’t have back home in Atlanta, or anywhere else for that matter.

Back to the Future the Musical on West End!

Of course, I didn’t do all of those things in one weekend. I slowly explored London over the course of four weekends. Weekdays and the remaining weekends were spent wandering around Oxford. I would highly recommend spending as much time in Oxford as you can. Many of my afternoons were spent in cafés studying while having tea, wandering around all the Harry Potter filming sites, or at the Gloucester Green Open Market browsing through vintage maps and clothes (we found a vintage NCAA Georgia Tech Varsity jacket! Crazy rare find), or at the Botanical Gardens, or punting. I could go on forever. If there’s one thing being a traveller has taught me, it’s that the underrated things often tend to be the best experiences. Tried, tested, and true. 

Overall, my favourite part of this program was definitely the travel portion — getting to see all these wonderful places I’ve only ever read about was surreal. The Oxford portion was also amazing. I loved exploring the city of Oxford and studying at the cutest cafés and bookstores ever. It’s sad that my time abroad is coming to a close, but I have small reminders everywhere that I was here: the hordes of tote bags from bookstores and libraries (I may have accumulated a slight addiction), postcards from the most revered museums in Europe, my Phantom of the Opera keychain from Opera Garnier in Paris, my vintage thrifted German jacket, et cetera.

I’m so excited to carry the memories, experiences, and memorabilia I’ve collected over this summer through the rest of my time at Tech and life. Of course, I will miss walking through the Covered Market and visiting some of the world’s most famous museums and institutions. But, I’m excited to go home and tell my family and friends how amazing this summer was. The bittersweetness of this moment makes me cherish this opportunity, this program. How often do you get to travel all over Europe and study at the 5th best university in the world?

All I have to end with is: Europe, I will be back shortly as a traveller, not a tourist.

[earlgreydream]

i hate you.

| 1940s!bucky x reader | fluff | smut |

requested. greaser!bucky au. enemies(?) to lovers. @fitzfiles​ and i are shamelessly indulgent

bucky made up his mind, he was going to win you over. 

Bucky Barnes was the asshole across the street with the stupid loud motorcycle and white tees and leather jackets. You hated him. 

“Hey, doll.” 

You heard it every day when you came walking home from school, books in hand. And every day, it irritated you. You would scowl at Bucky, and he would flash his stupid smirk and wink at you. 

You’d see him shirtless at night, smoking out on his porch. Once, he caught you staring out the window, and he’d teased you about it the next day on your way off to school. 

“Checking me out last night, doll?”

“Don’t call me that. It’s Y/N. And no I wasn’t checking you out. I was watching you die slowly of lung cancer,” you snarked, making him throw his head back with laughter. 

“If smoking doesn’t kill you, I will,” you muttered before going inside of your house.

“JAMES BUCHANAN BARNES!” You screamed, throwing your front door open. You were wrapped in a blanket over your thin pajamas, and you were infuriated.

“What?” He called with a stupid amused look on his face.

“It’s five in the fucking morning! Stop revving the engine on your motorcycle! You’re waking up the whole neighbourhood!” 

“You’re the one screaming.”

“I hate you,” you seethed. 

Without breaking eye contact, he revved the engine again. You were so irritated you could cry, and you resolved yourself to go back inside, refusing to let Bucky get the satisfaction of seeing your reaction to his antagonizing. 

This had gone on for months. You were able to ignore him most of the time, but he was persistent. Your friends joked that he was in love with you, but you couldn’t imagine it. Bucky was delighted to get you worked up, and he was proud of himself for it.

“You’ve all lost your bloody minds,” you assured your friends, dragging them inside as Bucky whistled at you from across the street.

“He’s just my annoying neighbor.”

Bucky seemed to be always washing his yellow car in his driveway. You’d come home and see him shirtless, in low-rise jeans that showed off v-lines, bent over the hood of his soapy car. If it wasn’t the car, it was his motorcycle. He always winked at you or blew you a kiss, making you shake your head or roll your eyes.

 You hated to see him washing his car, because it made it that much more difficult to deny how incredibly gorgeous he was. 

Bucky delighted in getting you worked up. He loved to see your cheeks flush pink and the way your nose scrunched up at his banter. He had a crush on you, ever since he moved in, and he always loved your attention, even if he got it by antagonizing you.

Bucky did intend to get in your good favor, but you had made up your mind that you didn’t like him. Bucky was determined, and loved a challenge.

Bucky decided his opportunity to win you over was when it was pouring down rain. The morning had started out sunny when you’d walked to school, but the weather had turned rapidly mid-morning. 

He got in his yellow car, and drove to the college in town, parking outside and going into the lobby with an umbrella. He leaned against a railing, waiting for you to get out of your class, to give you a lift and keep you from getting soaked and ruining your books.

As soon as it started to rain, you’d fretted about getting home. You didn’t have any friends that drove, and you had been debating whether to wait out the rain or just brave it and get wet.

You definitely didn’t expect to see your neighbour leaning against the railing in the front lobby. 

“Hey, doll.” He grinned, standing when you approached him. He had ignored the stares of the other girls, everything else disappearing when he saw you. 

“Bucky, what are you doing here?” you sighed, blushing at the stares you got, everyone hearing his term of endearment for you. 

“I brought my car, I didn’t want you to ruin your books and get wet by walking home in the rain,” he answered honestly, surprising you.

“You drove here to pick me up?”

Bucky nodded, and you fought off a small smile. You didn’t like him, and you were annoyed, but the gesture was thoughtful, and much appreciated. You rationalized the soft feelings by claiming it was basic decency, and it was necessary that you had to take him up on his offer.

“Okay.” 

You took his arm and he opened his umbrella, keeping you dry as he helped you into the passenger seat of his yellow car. You set your books on the dash, leaning back against the leather seat. As he drove, the radio played smooth jazz, surprising you a bit, as Bucky didn’t seem like the jazz type.

“Bucky, you’ve missed the turn.” You said, and he only smiled, biting the inside of his cheek. Your heart rate increased as he drove into the city and you whipped your head to look at him.

“Where are you taking me? I thought you were taking me home!”

“I am taking you home, eventually,” Bucky grinned, and you could’ve screamed.

“You can’t just abduct me! Where are we going?! I will throw myself from your moving car!” You snapped, panicking. 

“I’m not abducting you! I’m taking you to have some fun, because all you do is study and it’s made you wound tight!”

“You’re kidding me. I’ve got to write a paper!” You cried, and Bucky just laughed, shaking his head.

“Just relax, Y/N.” 

You gave him a scathing look, crossing your arms over your chest. 

“You’re insufferable.”

“Most say charming.”

You followed Bucky into a roller rink, rolling your eyes but secretly excited about rollerskating. You slipped your feet into white skates, thankful today you had chosen to wear pants. 

You stepped onto the rink with Bucky right behind you. It had been a while since you skated, and you were a bit unsteady on your feet. You pushed forward, putting your arms out for balance as you tried to get used to the feeling of the wheels under your feet.

“Careful!” Bucky exclaimed when you nearly fell, catching your waist to steady you. You gasped, your hands going to his arms for balance. A blush spread across your cheeks, butterflies erupting in your stomach at the gentle, caring way he touched you.

“Thanks,” you smiled, pushing off his arms and skating smoothly around. He fell in rhythm beside you, skating to the music. 

He tried to show off by skating backwards, but lost his balance and fell, making you shriek. You moved toward him quickly, and held out your hands to help him up.

“Are you alright?” You asked, and he nodded, biting back a smile.

“I’m fine, I’m okay.” 

You decided you’d had enough then, and the two of you resorted to eating pizza at a parlor down the street, Bucky insisting on you needing dinner before you went home. You shivered as you stepped into the air-conditioned restaurant, coming out of the warm summer evening. Bucky slipped his black leather jacket from his arms and put it on you when he noticed. You whispered a soft thank-you, pulling it tightly around your smaller body. It smelled faintly of smoke and castile soap, like him. 

Bucky couldn’t take his eyes off of the sight of you wearing his clothes, his heart stirring as you hugged it around you.  

“Feel better?” Bucky asked as you bit into a slice of pizza.

“I’m not going to let you take credit for loosening me up.” 

“Oh, I haven’t even tried to loosen you up yet.” He joked, making you choke on your water. You glared at him for the suggestive comment, and he smirked. 

You blushed at the insinuation, images of intimacy with Bucky flashing through your mind. He didn’t take his eyes off of you, and you shifted under his gaze.

“Smartass. You still abducted me.”

“And you’re enjoying it.”

You took another bite of your pizza, finally breaking the intense eye contact. 

Even though you had enjoyed the night with Bucky in the city, and you’d gone home full of butterflies, he had quickly managed to get back on your nerves. 

Bucky’s friends came over to party, and they were loud, obnoxious, and kept you (and half the neighbourhood) up with their partying the night before you had a presentation at college. You were infuriated when you complained to Bucky, and he told you that you should’ve just come to party with them, since you were up anyways. 

Then there was the fact that Bucky kept revving the engine of his damned motorcycle. You hated it, especially early in the morning when you were trying to peacefully trying to pour a cup of coffee. 

You couldn’t stand him, and he just made you mad. 

You hated his motorcycle, and you hated his arrogance. You hated how everyone dropped to their knees at his every whim. You hated when you’d see him painting his fence or working on his car outside, and he’d pull his shirt off when he saw you looking. You hated that Bucky smoked. 

Mostly, you hated how everything Bucky did gave you butterflies. 

Bucky adored the way your brow knit together when you glared at him. He adored the blush of your cheeks and the way you huffed in annoyance. He loved to see your eyes glitter with emotion whenever he got under your skin. He adored the way your eyes lingered on him whenever he was shirtless in the yard.

Bucky adored you.

The night was particularly warm. The summer heat had everyone on edge, and you and Bucky were no exception. The moon was the only light in the starless sky, a dark stillness settling over your neighbourhood. It was incredibly late, but you couldn’t sleep like everyone else. You had been enjoying the quiet loneliness of the night when Bucky had gone outside to the sidewalk. He was shirtless as he lit a cigarette, grinning at you. 

“Hey, doll.”

“Don’t call me that,” you huffed, feeling like a broken record.

“C’mon, don’t be like that,” he blew smoke into the air, and you stood up off your porch swing. You walked across your small lawn quickly, until you were standing in the street. 

“You shouldn’t smoke, it will kill you,” you quipped, making him roll his eyes.

“Don’t stand in the street, a car can come and kill you.” Bucky said back, though there was a tone of seriousness to his voice.

“It’s the middle of the night, no one is going to-”

Bucky suddenly grabbed you and yanked you toward him, making you shriek. Less than half a second later, a car without its headlights on came flying down the street. 

Your eyes were wide with fright, unable to process that Bucky had just pulled you from in front of a car. His eyes blazed with emotion, and you tried to shove off of him. 

“You almost fucking died! I told you not to stand in the damned street!” Bucky snapped at you, raising his voice. 

“Don’t yell at me! I wouldn’t have been in the street if you weren’t such an asshole!” you shouted back, your eyes and throat burning, making your entire body tremble. 

“Why are you so fucking difficult?!” Bucky’s fear at seeing you almost get hit by a car in front of him fueled his emotion, and he didn’t mean to yell at you, but the feelings were boiling over. 

“Because you make me so mad, and because I love you, you idiot!” You screamed before you could stop yourself. When you said the words out loud, you realized you meant them, more than you meant any of the anger. 

There was a deafening silence, and it was too late to take it back.

“Bucky, I-” you stammered, but he cut you off by crashing his lips against yours, pulling you into him. 

Passion lit like a fire between you, and you reached up and held his face, kissing him back with force. You parted your lips and he slipped his tongue into your mouth, moving in sync with you, swallowing your small noises. He cradled your jaw as his mouth moved with yours, drawing you even closer.

The heat practically suffocated you, and you were completely lost in Bucky. He tasted like smoke and coffee, and his body was pressed against your own, overwhelming you with need. His hands slid down to squeeze your ass, and you rolled your hips against his as you moaned. 

“I love you, Y/N,” he whispered when the two of you finally broke for air. He wasted no time before mouthing along your jaw, pressing kisses down the column of your throat. 

Your hands ran down his toned chest, before hooking your fingers in his belt loops and tugging his hips closer against yours, wanting to feel him hardening against you. The heat between your legs was spreading, and you were aching for him. 

Bucky groaned against your neck as you ground against him, and he backed you up against his car, needing to ground the two of you. He could hear your small, breathy pants by his ear and you were practically shaking with need. 

“Bucky, please touch me,” you begged, months of sexual frustration pouring out all at once. Who was he to deny you? He kissed you deeply, and you wrapped your arms around his neck, pressing him against your front. 

Your breath hitched when he slipped his hand into your waistband, cupping your sex. You spread your legs a bit, and he slipped his fingers through your folds, tracing the shape of you. 

He hardened at the sound of your soft moans and the feeling of you twitching against his fingertips. Neither of you cared that you were outside, on display for anyone who woke up in the night. 

He found your clit, stroking it softly while you made out, swallowing all of your sexy noises. You were overwhelmed by what he could do with just his fingers, and you somehow needed him closer, even though your bodies were pressed against each other. Your body was buzzing with pleasure from his small touches alone, and you were having the same effect on him. 

“Fuck, Bucky,” you breathed, lightly biting down on his shoulder to silence yourself as he eased a finger inside of you. He pumped slowly, and you took him in easily with how turned on you were. 

“I know, doll, but I gotta warm you up first so I don’t hurt you.” He kissed your jaw, and a short laugh escaped you. 

“Cheeky,” you hummed, palming over his crotch, making him push two fingers into you all at once. The air caught in your throat, but you kept feeling him up as he curled his fingers forward into your g-spot. 

The way you were moaning his name was driving him wild, and he couldn’t draw out the foreplay anymore. You pulled your shirt over your head, thankful you had forgone a bra. Your shirt was discarded in the driveway, and Bucky tugged your bottoms down easily before lifting your nude body up onto the hood of his car. You leaned forward, undoing the button on his jeans and helping him out of them, your eyes widening when you saw how big he was. 

Bucky grinned at you, able to read your mind, your thoughts evident in your startled expression. His ego definitely didn’t need the boost, and you blushed when you realized he was grinning at your observation. 

Your tongue nervously darted out over your lips, and he couldn’t take it anymore. He lowered you to lay down on the cool metal, making you shudder when it came into contact with your hot skin. 

You exhaled softly as his hands skimmed down your body in an attempt to ease your nerves. He leaned down and kissed you gently, bending your legs up to your chest. 

“I’m going to make you feel so good, doll,” Bucky promised, and he meant it. You nodded, your head falling back as he slowly rocked into you. 

Your vision focused in on the moon hanging above you in the sky, and you didn’t care about being outside, even as the warm breeze ruffled your hair. 

“Bucky... fuck,” you whined, arching your back, pushing yourself further onto him. Your knees went over his shoulders, his hands coming to rest on either side of your head as he rocked his hips against yours. 

The slow, deep rhythm had you struggling to breathe, pleasure rolling through your body in thick waves. Bucky was overwhelmed by the feeling of your velvety walls squeezing around him, tight as he fucked into you all the way. 

“That’s my girl,” Bucky praised you as you pushed down to meet his powerful thrusts. 

Your eyes rolled back at the praise, and you felt pressure building low in your belly as he repeatedly hit the spots inside of you that had you seeing stars. You were moaning his name and writhing below him, the sight making him nearly explode.

“Y/N,” Bucky gasped out, fucking into you roughly, one of his hands rubbing your clit to help you along before he couldn’t fight off his own orgasm any longer. 

With the added stimulation, the pressure snapped inside of you, making you squeeze around him and come with a scream, not caring if you stirred the neighbours. 

Let them see Bucky taking you on the hood of his car. 

Your name fell from Bucky’s lips like worship, the feeling of your orgasm washing over you and forcing you to contract around him pushed him over the edge. He came inside of you, painting you with his release and prolonging your own pleasure.

You looked down at him once the buzzing pleasure started to subside, a sleepy smile on your face. He grinned at you, pulling you up into a sweet kiss. 

“Still hate me, doll?”